#and maybe it sucks! that’s a fair opinion to have! but like. it’s impact cannot be overstated

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

people who are undertale or deltarune fans but absolutely despise homestuck baffle me. like I’m not talking about calling homestuck out on its many flaws (like, the racism in it should not be overlooked) or who heavily dislike it bc of that but people who think it's irredeemable and anyone who likes it is horrible bc like…you know toby fox is a massive fan of homestuck and personal friends with andrew hussie right. like i don’t know maybe people don’t know what him making music for homestuck entails but like. it wasn’t like he was just hired or whatever the songwriters for homestuck were primarily people on the forum who shared music they made for something they like who got noticed by the rest of the team lol. there wasn’t really a solid distinction between fan music and official music people who worked for the official team also worked on fan albums and some people who primarily wrote for fan albums have a few official songs it’s actually really cool there’s a very detailed wiki compiling both fan and official homestuck music bc it’s such a complicated web, some official songs use leitmotifs from fan songs even it’s really cool. the only real difference was that official albums were sold on bandcamp and a small minority of the songs were used in homestuck (most weren’t bc there’s literally hundreds). toby was an active fan of mspa that’s how he got work on homestuck there’s literally pictures out there of him cosplaying a homestuck character and he drops tons of references to it in his work. it is not at all hyperbole or exaggeration to say undertale and deltarune would not exist without homestuck. like you can despise homestuck all you like I get it there’s some shit in there that sucks it comes from 2009 online culture it’s silly to deny that. but if you think it never should exist and it’s fans are irredeemable and horrible maybe don’t play a game made by a guy who was so much of a fan he got added to the music team lmao. baffling.

[frigidwife]

i would like to ask ur opinion on this bc u are one of maybe 5-6 iwtv blogs that i trust and i don't know if i am simply biased but i think u are very thoughtful and fair in ur analysis of iwtv. because even among self-proclaimed louis lovers/understanders, i have seen the idea that louis "could not and would not" save claudia from the fire, or choose her over armand, or that louis was also abusive to claudia if not the Most abusive, or that he "let" lestat/armand destroy her. and i agree that louis failed claudia in some ways (though saying that feels much too vague at this point) and that liking characters doesn't mean apologizing for their flaws and i understand the reflex to spotlight claudia's mistreatment as many fans are so quick to dismiss her importance. but i think people get so caught up in emphasizing claudia's tragedy that they end up falling into victim-blaming rhetoric and ironically de-legitimizing really important aspects of her character and impact. so i wanted to ask though, how do you think louis actually did fail claudia? and should we call claudia's death louis' failure?

ty for valuing my opinion 🥹 i agree w you completely people emphasize claudia's tragedy at total expense of her personality...which sucks bc i love her personality...i think louis actually primarily failed claudia in the exact way that every single parent fails their child. if you've read frankenstein it's about the inherent monstrosity of creation--inherent hubris of creating something whether it's a creature, a work of art (the novel itself!), or a child (shelley's miscarriages and her relationship with her parents haunt the novel). you create something that is a part of you and a mirror of you, you confer your expectations as naturally as breathing, even with the best of intentions, but now the creature/novel/child exists outside of you, outside of your body and your imagination, autonomous, with desires and effects you couldn't have dreamt of, and there is something terrifying and painful in that chasm even in the best of conditions. and this is more broadly true of loving anyone. and in that sense i don't think louis's turning of claudia is really more selfish than having a child ever is. it's not an aberrant or evil desire. so that's one layer.

and then the next layer is the conditions. louis cannot stop seeing claudia as his daughter, even if he calls her sister. she'll always be his daughter. and again this is an almost fundamental condition of being a parent. even if ur parents make an effort--and louis is making an effort--to see you as equals, that foundation is underlying it and can't come undone. the problem is that normally, even if maybe you're always a baby to your mom deep down, you're also functionally an adult in the real world. but claudia is an adult who is constantly belittled and condescended to and treated as a child from all corners. so she goes from louis who can't see her as her own person because he cant stop being her parent to an outside world that can't see her as her own person bc it's structured to deny children's autonomy, and girls' in particular, and especially black girls'. AND THEN the abuse. “you chose lestat over her again and again” i think people take daniel as word of god a lot even when the show has demonstrated that daniel is less than careful talking and thinking about abuse, when it comes to both louis and claudia. Louis chooses to take lestat back, can’t kill him for good, chooses to commit to armand, tells her to put up with the coven’s abuse. those are choices that hurt claudia terribly. but they also exist in the context of abuse. over two decades of debilitating destroying violence and then a new man who tracks him down and dangles his and claudia’s life over him as penalty from the jump. louis is constantly calculating risk based on what they’ve experienced and the same way claudia’s trauma drives her into the waiting arms of a cult, louis’s means he sees enduring as his strongest means of survival . and even from before that from keeping his family afloat under jim crow —performance, self sacrifice at the expense of closeness with grace and paul; using “weakness to rise”. so when louis tells claudia to endure its bc he cannot imagine a way out. which is a failure sure and something claudia can and does resent him deeply for but is entirely and categorically different from what lestat and armand inflict on her . his “choosing armand” is never really about him liking armand particularly it’s him deciding he knows what’s best for both of them—again seeing claudia as his child—to the extent that he won’t even tell her about armand knowing their secret.

this isn’t selfless it’s foolish it’s prideful but the story very clearly is not Louis picking a man over his daughter. (claudia calls out what he wants in a companion in 2.01—“if he can’t call you pretty and take you ballroom dancing” Armand won’t even light his cigarette). i think people have constructed this narrative which funnily enough is the exact same one armand uses to gaslight louis with in 2.05 ("you threw around her name for cover, but you always went back to talking about him" or something like that). Which is really obviously a victim blaming narrative lol like the amount of joke posts that r essentially saying Maybe if louis wasn’t so cock hungry his daughter wouldn’t be dead. Okay?? i think its absolutely fucking insane to call her death louis's particular failure when she was lynched. by armand

and you can tell by episode 6 claudia has realized louis isn’t picking armand over her. her frustration with him is with this martyrdom that she never asked for or wanted, that clearly isn’t “you and me” either. Like you cannot tell me she believes “imagine me without the burden of her” means louis is happy and relieved to see her go Bc she’s not stupid and she’s seen him happy before. If she really thought he meant something like that she wouldn’t behave towards him as she does in the rest of ep 6 and doing the trial. completely ignoring her personality

there is also a hopefully really small subset of people who think pointing out how patriarchy works Is gender essentialism who posit louis as the primary perpetrator of misogynoir in order to justify their fundamental queer human right to call lestat femme . and then expect pats on the back for acknowledging #intersectionality . which is. absurd.

[gerudospiriit]

[Alright, I officially finished A Link to the Past so I can officially have an opinion now. Under the cut because it might get long (not that anyone will probably read this but I need to SHARE).

SO. To start this off, I really cannot grasp how people like what's his nuts from GG can say that this game is better than Ocarina of Time or really any game that follows it. However, this isn't about comparing the two games like a cranky, bitter baby. and all I'll say to such comparisons is they DEFINITELY improved on a lot over the years as any game franchise should. So, yeah, my bias aside, I would never say this game was better than OoT, and I don't think anyone actually being honest about it can either.

That said, the game was okay. I like getting some lore I'm less familiar with for what that's worth. The game was fun at time but, honestly, it overall felt more like a chore than a fun game to play. Starting with the story, which I get wasn't meant to be the focus, it's pretty standard: Ganon is trying to do mayhem and you have to do x, y, and z to stop him. There's really just...no meat to it. There's nothing really that makes me feel connected to the characters or what I'm trying to do as the gameplay feels too far removed from the plot, and there is nothing that you do that feels really impactful. The stakes don't feel like they're there.

I also didn't get how people praise this game and a few others a lot because you can do the dungeons in any order. Like...it wasn't all of them, it seemed to me? Like there were definitely times where I had to do one temple and get the item there before I could do another. There's definitely more freedom in that realm than other games, but I don't see how it makes the game better or worse.

My biggest gripes were with the mechanics/gameplay. I'll just list some of them and try to be brief about describing why they're gripes.

The item mechanics. On it's face, it's not the worst, but in practice it was annoying. Only having access to one item aside, it always felt clunky and obnoxious to set items and use them. I really think they could have optimized this and the menu system better in general to help that.

Maybe this was my dumbass, but the hitboxes felt...off a lot of times. Like I would watch my sword hit something very obviously but it wouldn't actually hit. Like I said, maybe this was user error, but I'm not really sure and it annoyed me.

BALANCING. I don't mind games being difficult or unforgiving. But holy shit there was literally no balancing of health regeneration. And I'll take partial blame on this: I could have done more to get all the bottles so I could carry more potions and maybe a net(?) to catch fairies(?), but holy shit. At least let people regen A LITTLE before reaching a boss fight. Like yeah, most of the boss fights were surprisingly easy, but when you have to run through the WHOLE TEMPLE AGAIN because you lost, it really sucks because, chances are, you're going to lose that health you got from your revival (which isn't much) and be back at square one when you reach the boss again. And that's not discussing how it feels like the enemies do WAY too much damage, which is especially shitty when you reach rooms where you literally cannot avoid taking said damage (I like to think I'm at least decent enough at the game, btw; not the best by any means but decent). I was at least a big cheater and abused the rewind function on the Switch emulator but holy shit. If I played properly, I'm not sure I would have made it to the end.

And my biggest gripe was easily how you could literally finish at least one whole dungeon, get to the boss, and realize you didn't have the weapon you needed to win. That's what happened to me. And don't get me wrong. I don't mind the finding items that will help you outside of dungeons just fine. But what isn't fair is that there is no indication that you needed the ice rod to beat the boss in Turtle Rock dungeon. You don't need it at all to progress through the temple, and there is nothing leading you there. This might be the only time this really happens (or maybe I just got lucky), but it's poor game design, full stop. It's unfair to the player imo to do that. Again. I don't mind that it had to be found outside of the dungeons. But if it is a NECESSARY ITEM there should be some story beat or something that leads you toward said item. I shouldn't be able to run through a whole temple, get to the boss, and realize I'm missing something.

I probably had more specific gripes, but these were the big ones. And I get some of this was probably on me; I'm not saying the game is absolute horse shit and terrible. But it really hasn't aged well. I like a hard game, but in places, this game felt unfair. I'm sure this is an improvement on the previous games (I only vaguely remember trying Zelda 1 and 2 and failing miserably as a kid), but, objectively, I don't see how anyone could say this is the best game in the franchise. To me, it's just dishonest because the following games have improved IMMENSELY on this one.]

[elvenbeard]

2,3,10 and 6 for Kerry and your boy!

Thanks so much for asking!! :D

What was their first impression of each other?

V had heard of Kerry Eurodyne the musician before, read about him here and there, and he'd of course gotten glimpses of Johnny's memories of him, as well as the occasional story. His first however brief impression of Kerry is a blurred half-memory of him stumbling out of his bathroom half-naked, but that was not quite enough to form a solid opinion. The first thought that shot through his mind when he came to again on the sofa was "oh no, he's hot..." - which, to be fair though, is V's first impression of way too many men that are not good for him. So, for the remainder of the night, when that voice and those eyes just didn't want to leave his thoughts, he tried to reason with himself that it was a lost cause to try and pursue anything. What chances did he even have, if any, and would it be smart with everything else that was going on? Probably not. Also, this was supposed to be a last favour for Johnny, after all, so he tried to focus on that.

Kerry's first impression of V was "who does this weirdo punk think he is, and why does he seem so familiar?" After realizing it was Johnny, and somewhat getting used to his new appearance, he didn't give the situation any second thoughts... at least until V woke up again and his whole demeanor was suddenly completely different. That intrigued him, but it was less V as such, although he was kind of cute, more the very unique situation all three of them had found themselves in. He didn't get his hopes up about this encounter having any lasting impact on his life at all, besides the slightest chance of maybe having Johnny back in his life.

What was their first kiss like?

Their first kiss was the finale to an utter rollercoaster of emotions and neither of them being sure of their feelings for the other. V had developed a huge crush on Kerry during the night with the van gig, but Kerry had been quite good at hiding his interest, out of fear of V thinking he would only be after him because of Johnny still. After meeting with the Us Cracks girls, V got the impression that Kerry would forever be out of his league, and so he followed his invitation to Dark Matter with zero expectations. On the rooftop he took a bit of a gamble by saying he was happy to be able to talk to him alone, and he did not expect Kerry to reciprocate by saying he felt like "they resonated", because that put into words what V had been feeling. Kissing him at the end of their conversation was another slight gamble, because Kerry was so vulnerable during that moment and he didn't want to seem as if he wanted to take advantage of that. But V just sucks with words sometimes and it felt right. Kerry on the other hand had hoped for something to happen, but feared he'd ruined the mood with spilling his guts about his fears the way he did, so the kiss came as a slight, but still welcome surprise.

Do they prefer verbal or physical affection?

Kerry is more the physical type, because the right words are just hard to find sometimes, and there's always the subliminal (although often irrational) fear of accidentally saying the wrong thing and messing everything up. V is more than willing to give physical affection, but a little more reluctant about allowing it in regards to himself, so "I've been thinking about you", "I miss you", "I love you" reassures him a lot more. Especially at the start of their relationship this is something they first have to figure out an arrange themselves with.

Who worries the most?

Kerry definitely worries more and more intensely than V, about him, them, the future usually. V is not necessarily a happy-go-lucky optimist, he can be quite sarcastic and cynical even, but he also has a strangely soothing and grounding effect on Kerry. He's good at bringing him back to the here and now whenever he's starting to ruminate on things he cannot change. After what V's been through with the Relic there's few things that really scare him as much anymore as they used to, and he tries to hold on to a positive mindset. As long as his heart is beating there's hope, and Kerry is motivating him to look forward to a brighter future and keep fighting for what he has.

[twistnet]

nsfw alphabet [ chibs telford ]

WARNINGS ─ gn!reader, smut [ oral sex, cum, kinks, masturbation ]

DISCLAIMER ─ if you are under the age of 18, do not read [ nsfw content under cut ] 

a = aftercare [ what they’re like after sex ]

is one to light a cigarette the minute the act is done, patiently waiting you come down from your high and maybe, gain some feeling back in your legs again. his hands is coaxing you to even your breathing as he pulls you to rest against his chest

once he’s stamped out his cigarette, he’s pulling on a pair of briefs and walking to the washroom to get you cleaned up. if a bath and a change of sheets is needed, he’ll get that together for you and get the bedroom all squared away until you’re ready to join him once again

b = body part [ their favorite body part of theirs, and also their partner’s ]

his gentleman side would say that his favorite body part on his partner is their mind and tongue. nothing sexual about it, but he loves to hear you speak your mind, take control of the area you are in and take no shit from anyone

now, his more non-gentlemen side would say he’s a sucker for chests [ boobies or not ]. he loves laying his head there and listening to your heartbeat but also loves pressing his face right into your sternum. getting to bit and lick and mark every inch of the skin

on himself, he would say his hands. years of garage work, motorcycles, and other things have roughed them up quite a bit and he gets a small spark of joy when he gets to run his clast finger tips down any part of your exposed skin

c = cum [ anything to do with cum basically…i’m a disgusting person ]

going back to the above, on your chest. getting to paint you with his cum gets him hard all over again, and is not embarrassed to groan at the sight. oh, but you happen to swipe up some of the cum on your finger and pop it in your mouth? you might have just killed him

on the flip side, he does like cumming inside you, but likes to ask before doing so. but if given permission, loves watching it drip out of your hole. and might push some of it back in with a loving smile

d = dirty secret [ pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs ]

playing the game that you don’t know each other at a club party, and him taking you to his dorm for a little fun time. has never said anything, but has thought about it often

e = experience [ how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing? ]

with a previous wife and plenty of croweaters that he’s had his way with in the past, there is no denying this man has gotten around. he might try the first time to use what he’s used on croweaters before, but quickly finds that you might tick a different way and has to relearn basically everything. but don’t worry, he’ll make sure to get plenty of practice in

f = favorite position [ this goes without saying ]

missionary. standard & reverse cowgirl. doggy-style. spooning. 

g = goofy [ are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc ]

while he tends to be serious most of the time, he finds that if he can’t laugh something off like you getting a cramp midway through, or he fumbles while trying to get into a position, then the relationship won’t last

h = hair [ how well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc ]

has truly given up on keeping groomed. use to in younger years make everything nice and clean, but has since stopped as he just doesn't want to do it anymore and regrowth is a bitch. now, he does trim so it doesn’t get too long

i = intimacy [ how are they during the moment, romantic aspect… ]

very affectionate in a private setting. pulls you in close and loves to just be able to touch you and have you surround him in anyway possible. whispering sweets words in gaelic, holding your face in his hands. that kind of thing

j = jack off [ masturbation headcanon ]

never really used his hand to get himself off, as there was always a croweater nearby to help him out and be his companion for the night. since he has started a relationship with you, he might do it more to keep himself faithful while on runs. he doesn’t do anything with the croweaters on runs, even though it’s always been something the married men have always done, he’s not one to partake

k = kink [ one or more of their kinks ]

tit-fucking ─ going back to his fascinations with chests, having the ability to run his cock against your sternum turns him on so fucking much. sometimes, he’ll do in unprompted, but sometimes, you pat your chest and he’ll quickly get into position

stockings ─ any color, any detail is fine with him. they look so pretty against your skin and are so soft. will literally buy you one in ever color. they stay on while everything else comes off.

l = location [ favorite places to do the do ]

his/ your home or in his dorm at the clubhouse. both are safe places for him and there is less room for interruptions and he can focus he’s sole attention on you

m = motivation [ what turns them on, gets them going ]

a strong confidence paired with a mouth that has no problem telling someone off or letting people know what you think. you sitting or riding with him on his bike -- also wearing his helmet. kicking ass against some of his brothers -- winning a drinking game, a round of pool, or darts. jeans that seem to hug all of your curves. leather attire of any kind. you speaking gaelic

n = no [ something they wouldn’t do, turn offs ]

sharing you with someone ─ he’s seen some of his brother indulge in something like this and  has always felt funny about it. plus, the man has a major jealous streak when prompted and that just doesn’t mix well

degradation & abuse ─ this was after having seen it during one of the porn shoots and he had to step away, not truly understanding how someone could do that to another human in a vulnerable situation

o = oral [ preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc ]

oral for him is split 50/50. in his eyes, it’s only fair if you suck him off that he return the favor.

receiving ─ he’s coaching you through it, even if you know how to do it. he loves talking to you, lightly pulling your hair away from your face or affectionately caressing your cheek or jaw. he lets you do what you want, and isn’t going to dictate what you can and cannot do. as this is just as much for him as it is for you

giving  ─ okay, so maybe i lied about the 50/50 split. to a degree. once this man gets to return the favor, it’s hard to pull him away after the first orgasm. he will continue to build you up for another one and won’t come up for breath until you’ve cum at least three times

p = pace [ are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc. ]

depends on the mood and can range from a rough fucking or soft lovemaking.

he isn’t fast per say, most of his thrusts are quite calculated in the sense that he knows what spots make you weak at the knees or make your spine tingle. so, while the thrusts are powerful, there is no speed to them as he doesn’t want you to come undone too quickly

soft lovemaking on the other hand is just like the above, but the power behind the thrusts is toned down. it’s still there, but it’s not as rough. he takes his time,  either letting you ride him or spooning you. this pace happens to get you to completion much later, but it is so worth it

q = quickie [ their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc. ]

yes, yes, and yes. quickies are frequented quite heavily in your relationship, as sometimes, that is the only way the two of you can blow of some steam. a quickie will happen before runs or when you sneak off during parties to hurry back like you weren’t gone for 20 minutes

but don’t get it confused, this man would always rather have a nice, quiet session with you over a quickie any day.

r = risk [ are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc. ]

isn’t one to take risks without thinking through or talking about them first. sure, he likes that you are open enough to come and talk to him about what you would like to do in the bedroom, but would like to make sure that everyone is on the same page

s = stamina [ how many rounds can they go for, how long do they last… ]

two rounds max. and that goes for whatever mood and pace the two of you happen to be in. chibs doesn’t want to overexert himself or you, as sometimes just one session is enough to knock you out for the evening. 

now, this isn’t going to impact the amount of orgasms he’s going to pull from you over the course of the night. no one ever asked how long the sessions were going to last, just how many you are able to do

t = toy [ do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves? ]

was never one to use toys on partners, and had never thought for himself.

if you own toys for personal use and would like to incorporate them into the bedroom, he has no problem using them to aid in getting you off. however, he will draw the line at using them for himself, as it’s not really his thing

u = unfair [ how much do they like to tease ]

teasing is his specialty, but this man makes timed and deliberate strikes that will have to melting in his hand within a few hours. but don’t let it fool you, as he can wait for as long as he needs and he definitely isn’t going to be the one to crack 

so, if you want to push through your conversation with your friends and pretend he hasn’t been feeling you up this past hour, you go ahead. you’ll break eventually

v = volume [ how loud they are, what sound they make ]

no very loud would in comes to moans of pleasure, as they are usually quite muffled to some degree -- as he’s either muffling them into your skin as he presses kisses or is doing it more so under his breath

on the flip side, he isn’t quite when speaking to you. the amount of filth and sin that leaves his mouth as he slides into you over and over again is almost too much to handle. especially when it’s paired with his thick accent, that also, seemingly gets deeper the more settles into you

w = wild card [ get a random headcanon for the character of your choice ]

roleplay, specifically one where he can use the premise of him being a biker and you either taking on an authority figure or someone who’s seen in a more innocence light. bringing his kutte into the mix, or his bike is super appealing to him and anything the two of you can do with that is okay in his book

x = x-ray [ let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words ]

six inches. thick and slightly veiny from bottom to tip. curves slightly when erect.

y = yearning [ how high is their sex drive? ]

despite his age, he has a medium to high sex drive. this all depends on what is currently going on and how he’s feeling. 

his sex drive is medium when he’s doing day to day things. being ready as almost a drop of a hat if you are wanting to initiate something with him during some down time or at a club party. it might take just a little convincing, however, you seem to have him wrapped around your finger and he has a hard time resisting you.

his sex drive is high when he’s very frustrated -- i.e. with happenings involving the club, or when he’s been while on a run for some time. however, he is a patient man and isn’t one to pull you away mid conversation with someone just to throw you into the bed and have his way with you. he will let you come to him and from there, will go as many rounds as the two of you will allow

z = zzz [ how quickly they fall asleep afterward ]

as his finishes off his cigarette, and the post-orgasm high has settled, he pulls you in close. letting you rest against his chest as finger tips run along your spine with practiced ease. it’s his way of showing you a small hint of affection without doing too much if that’s not what you are in the mood for

at this moment, he is fully relaxed and slowly starts to draft off. there is really no telling if he falls asleep first, or if you do, but he’ll fall asleep if he wants to. but not without making sure you are well taken care of before doing so

[seesgood]

can we very gently talk about call out posts / culture really quick?  not in a judgmental way, but in like a: i just want to pose a thought and explain why i’m never going to buy into it and why i wish it would become less of a trend instead of more of one? and i’ll add the  disclaimer  here: i totally get not wanting certain people around you for various reasons, that is all your prerogative. that’s your comfort level. but in emphasizing “your blog should be a safe space” we’re kind’ve losing sight of the fact that the rpc should also be a safe space, and as much as your comfort and safety matter, so do other people’s. and not just the person who hurt you, but the third parties and other mutuals and 99.9% of people who are not at all involved in any way in whatever happened. so, anyway here goes, read it or don’t, we all have different opinions or reasons, i just want to be heard:

people are allowed to change.  think back to who you were last year. two years ago. think about the stuff you said when you were seventeen, or twenty-one, or hell whatever age you were. current-you would probably cringe at the kind of stuff past-you had to say. because you grew. you learned. you had life experiences. in hindsight you have the freedom to be like “oof yeah that was not the best version of myself right there damn i don’t want to be like that again.” the growing trend of ‘here’s a 10+ page google doc complete with out of context screenshots that sometimes date back to like 2017 or earlier’ makes this kind of change impossible. because right there, you’ve just frozen a person in time, probably not at their best, removed any and all amounts of context, and put it on the internet and let other people judge it for themselves. 

so that leads into another point that i want to just kinda present to the community at large: the act of documenting behaviors and storing them for months / years at a time, in itself creates a super unsafe environment, not just for you, your friends, the people who have hurt you --- but also for anyone else that isn’t at all involved in whatever happened. like, for example, i like to think that i’m a pretty nice person. i actively try to be a nice person. am i sometimes not having the best day? have people definitely caught me in bad moments? oh hell yeah. but am i, as someone who tries really hard to be nice and welcoming, constantly thinking through every message i send to someone knowing that a) i could have a reputation that makes them read into context that isn’t there and that could contribute to them misinterpreting words i meant in a different way, b) very aware that every post i make, ask i send, message i send can at any moment be screenshotted and posted and taken out of context and either serve as someone’s only opinion of me or pile on to someone’s existing opinion of me? yeah. so in my experience, and based on people i’ve talked to, we now have this thing where you can be surface-friends wtih a lot of people, but if you want to survive in the tumblr rpc you should really only have 2-3 people that you really trust that you can actually talk about shit with. 

and lately i’ve been seeing a resurgence of posts on my dash about like “bring back xyz in the rpc” or “the reason the rpc is like this is because of xyz” and i both agree and disagree with a lot of this, but primarily i think the reason the rpc is Off lately is because everyone and their cousin has a DNI, which is --- again --- your decision and i understand and respect that, but while you know the context of every name on that DNI, other people don’t. and to be honest: other people don’t really care and honestly maybe they shouldn’t care. --- and don’t get me wrong, your friends should care if someone has hurt you. that’s important. but joe billy bob who just wants to write their character with yours is going to read through your rules, they’re going to see “do not interact with me if you follow with or interact with these people you’ve never heard of and if you want me to tell you why just message me” (which no one is ever going to do, i’m sorry to say). and say, joe billy bob also followed that other person because they were like ‘omg this blog looks cool’ --- now joe billy bob, who just wants to write cool plots, is suddenly the middle-man in some type of drama that they do not understand, and maybe they’re able to remove themselves from the situation, but even then it’s still in the back of your mind. 

this is getting long. it’ll be longer, but let’s take a brief break for me to remind you that in some cases, it’s definitely good to give your mutuals and friends a heads up when someone has done something really, really bad. like, remember x amount of years ago when some dude was like ‘i’m gonna make up a new person and say they died by suicide as a social experiment’ or ‘hey this person actively tries to force very triggering plots about abuse / rape / incest onto people and has been doing so for years and does not seem to change their ways no matter how many people try to educate them’ that’s shit people should probably know about. and it’s also okay ( in my opinion ) for your friends to be able to message you like ‘hey i saw you’re writing with x and i just wanted to let you know i had this experience with them’ if that’s something they feel comfortable doing. and if they are comfortable with you still having the autonomy to make your own decision regarding the person. 

i’ll be honest, for a second: i’ve been part of friendships and groups that have turned really toxic for one reason or another. a handful of times. there are probably people out there that are like “yeah this chick is really fake and manipulative and etc, i was friends with her back in 2019″ which, okay. yeah. i’ve definitely done shit and said shit that was not the most representative of who i want to be and who i want to become, and you probably have to. because we are human beings and we are a product of our social groups and the community around us. and you shouldn’t be chained to a version of you that isn’t you anymore. people change. they grow. you don’t have to like them, but you should respect that sometimes people don’t mesh, and that doesn’t mean any of them are bad people, it just means the experience was bad. 

a few additional notes i would like to make but i’ve already gone on way too long:

90% of the callout posts that i’ve seen and the DNI’s that i’ve seen can, in my opinion, be classified as a friend group thing. you were friends with x, x did something, now y and z aren’t friends with x anymore. pain is a very, very real thing and people hurting you should never be minimized, but at some point i just want you to remember that not every friendship is going to end happily, but both you and the other party should be allowed to move on and grow better, healthier friendships after. rehashing Friend Group Gone Wrong instances removes that ability for not only person x, but also person y and z.

you putting out a callout says just as much ( maybe more ) about you than it does about the other person. which sucks. because i’d like to think we all have great intentions, and i’m not saying that you should swallow your pain, but it might not be the kind of thing that impacts the community at large, and maybe you should try to find a better way of working through it with a trusted friend(s)

i’m going to be very real and very blunt on this one: literally no one cares. i say that with love. i’m good friends with people who have each other on their DNI’s. establish a baseline of respect and ‘i’m not going to say anything to them about you and vice versa because there’s no need for me to do so’ and move on. but seriously. no one cares. most outside people read callout posts because they like being in the know about the drama, not because they actually care. 

person a and person b who are mentioned in the DNI / callout aren’t the only ones who are going to be affected. your friends, your mutuals, your writing partners are now all put in a weird spot where you have to pick sides on an issue you know nothing about and shouldn’t have to know anything about. you’re asking people to choose sides on an issue they cannot fully understand, and that’s not fair to them or to you. and it drives great people away. and then we all lose out on having more awesome people in the rpc.

you’re entitled to your safe space, but this is a public platform and you are also responsible for maintaining your safe space. you shouldn’t put it entirely on other people to do that for you. you can block, blacklist, make up funny names for, or spitefully erase from your many anything and anyone that you wish. but you shouldn’t make your friends do it for you.

there’s always an inherent power imbalance when any kind of drama occurs between those who have more followers / friends / connections and those who do not. and the smaller blog is always going to suffer a little bit more because they don’t have people blindly coming to their defense. 

bad moments, bad experiences, bad decisions DO NOT equal bad people. 

allow people to make up their own mind about something or someone

anywho, if you read through this whole thing i think i owe you financial compensation. but also thank you for reading / listening / considering. even if you rolled your eyes through the whole thing like “stfu lia” that’s fine. i’m just presenting an alternative thought. i’d like to once again state: i’m not judging you if you’ve made a callout/DNI or if you’re on a callout/DNI. like i literally don’t care. and frankly, in my opinion, i shouldn’t have to. because i, and you, and your friends, and your mutuals, and your non-mutuals should be allowed the space to make up their own opinion and mind on something or someone without being told that there will be consequences if they don’t agree with you. set boundaries. communicate in healthy ways. you don’t have to forgive the people who have hurt or wronged you, but you also don’t get to decide that their actions make up 100% of who they are as a person, or decide that that is the only side of that person people should get to see. 

[ruby-whistler]

(quicksandblock) hi! I just left you a giant wall-of-text response on your Dream post, and though I think it came across well enough, I just want to state my lack of hostile intent over here as well lol. I know stuff like this that people feel strongly about can get very tense so I just wanted to make doubly certain you know I'm not trying to pick a fight or anything. it kind of sucks that I feel like I need to clarify that but that's fandom culture for you sometimes :P

also, I would love to talk to you about Dream characterization. I think I disagree with you on a lot of different points and I love his character, so I'm very interested in understanding your perspective!

hey, hello! found a c!dream enthusiast/enjoyer, that’s cool, hi! :]

[copied part i put in front of each reply, hence different capitalization]

Alright, so first as a quick disclaimer, I’m going to put a summary of the original post’s points, just to ensure that we’re on the same page;

The post does say:

- don’t dehumanize c!Dream because it continuously hurts people who relate to and/or sympathize with him, also dehumanization in general is an inherently wrong mindset

- don’t attack people who sympathize with him because he’s a victim of abuse besides other things

The post never says:

- you cannot hate c!Dream and not sympathizing with him is wrong

- the things c!Dream has done are to any degree excused

- don’t dehumanize c!Dream because he’s a good person

- people who dehumanize c!Dream are real life abuse apologists

If you read the post and didn’t get these points from it, i advise you to reread it as I made pretty much all of these abundantly clear.

[end of disclaimer]

i never said anyone could infringe on his human rights! i… literally never said that! i said “they ignore” when characters do it, but that was a run-on sentence, i get how that might’ve been easily misunderstood. but yes, he’s a fictional character, i’d never said people could actually hurt him or anything in that sense.

the thing is, i still find them saying they enjoy it… wrong? the people yelling in tommy’s chat for c!dream to hurt him more were freaking victim blaming pricks, and if what they did was the widespread fandom opinion it would be hurting actual people with trauma. i ask people to look at the c!dream situation with the same severity, because it’s actually happening and it’s highly disturbing, not just from principle, but because of what it leads to within the community.

sorry for comparing his situation to c!tommy, but narratively i believe the prison arc is a deliberate parallel to exile, and comparing his situation to someone they’ve not dehumanized seems to be the only way to knock sense into some people.

i am happy you don’t seem to be one of the people who dehumanize him. you’re not the target audience of this post - neither are abuse victims who project onto him. i know people who c!tommy reminds of their abuser (because of personality traits), or even c!quackity, that’s fine. they’re totally free to hate their respective character, of course, without being,, actually right about them. that being said, majority of this fandom is dehumanizing c!dream and being mad at people sympathizing with him “on behalf of the abuse victims”, not actual victims themselves, and by doing this they are unknowingly hurting other people rather than helping anything, and spreading misinformation as well as making a lot of fans in general uncomfortable. i believe this is something that needs to change in the community.

hating him is fine, but group-based dehumanization in my mind is not. if you go on twitter and search “c!dream” and see 100 people saying they wish the abuse victim you project onto is hurt more (this is not a twitter thing, c!dream tag is the same thing, a majority of the crit is untagged but it,, doesn’t really matter because even tagged hate riles up more people) that freaking sucks and is something that the community needs to work on, not shoved under the rug and pretend it wasn’t there because some people tag it.

“the abuse victims who are hurt by people saying they should be sympathetic towards Dream are in fact just as hurt as the abuse victims who relate to Dream and are hurt by people saying his evil.”

this is not wrong. it’s right actually, but i’m not talking about this fandom calling him evil/unable to be sympathized with/irredeemable. i mean, that’s hurtful dehumanization as well, but this community doesn’t “say he’s evil” it “says he deserves to keep being horribly abused and/or die”.

and… i wasn’t talking about/saying abuse victims should sympathize with him either? i’ve said like five times that people can hate him as much as they want, but dehumanization is another thing. it’s the majority of this community (this post wasn’t targeting abuse victims in the slightest) taking away his positive human qualities, hence believing he doesn’t deserve human rights, and turning him into some sort of punching bag or personification of evil, which i find deeply disturbing since he’s being related to by abuse victims, and also blatantly incorrect to the character.

so, you’d be right, if the situation was what you described. it… really isn’t. the dream smp fanbase isn’t populated by abuse victims in any corner. it’s two small groups, one of them hurt (undeservingly) by a few and the other one hurt (no more or less undeservingly) by a majority of the fandom without anyone batting an eye.

and this post isn’t even about abuse victims in the first place; it’s about dehumanization. while its impact plays a big role in why i wrote this, things like these being widespread in the fandom makes so many people uncomfortable or pressured not to sympathize with a recently made sympathetic character that they might (but could not) relate to. relating to him myself, i might not have a say in this, but my compassion in general made me switch over to the c!dream sympathetic people, not anyone in the community or projection.

the results i relayed here weren’t the only results of the survery. people mentioned pandora’s vault as their reasons for being dream apologists,, over and over and over again. a lot of them mentioned the fandom response specifically.

it’s making the fandom not only unsafe to a small group of traumatized people, but also fans in general, who are equally as important to feel comfortable. hell, the reason dream apologists are such a tight-knit community that accepts little to no outside feedback is because of the hatred that is endlessly nurtured outside, that makes people feel anxious or not safe just for sympathizing with a victim of abuse.

i myself find this a problem that people should attempt to change beyond using crit tags more. feel free to not agree with that, but a lot of affected people do.

i agree the disc finale was actually cathartic! well, that’s a lie, i used to hate c!dream’s guts before that but that was the very instance where i saw a person behind the mask and went “oh, this is a whole mess isn’t it”, but it was,, cathartic to a lot of other people that didn’t use to have intense empathy to inanimate objects as children djskdjsk (i was a weird kid and still am, don’t mind that)

do you know what is cathartic? when a dog terribly bites a child, gets kicked away and gets put in a cage. do you know what isn’t cathartic? …that dog getting repeatedly beaten, starved and abused while trapped in said cage. even in fiction, and i say that as someone who was terribly bitten by a dog.

i don’t mind fictional characters suffering - frick, angst is my jam, i’ll write a character dying over and over again and have fun, but people justify that or make fun of people who don’t by saying openly that they enjoy it,, because he’s done bad things.

here comes the double standard. the exile arc wasn’t cathartic just because tommy burnt down a house, because hell, that wasn’t fair retribution. same goes for dream.

there is a difference between enjoying dark media (something i do frequently and is something i like doing) and open dehumanization and often normalized harassment of people who don’t do the same or condemn that. that is something that in my mind shouldn’t be a mainstream thing in the community.

to be fair, people saying an abuse victim no longer being hurt is “bad writing” or “insensitive” as i’ve seen people say would probably piss me off, but i’m,, not going to harass them. maybe a passive-aggressive vague-post if enough big accounts do it, but i think that’s justified. feel free to disagree - i still respect abuse victims who wouldn’t like that, but people who just don’t want the writers to humanize a character they’ve dehumanized will probably grind my gears.

this community,, isn’t working like this. i wrote this because people are repeatedly being hurt by the community or feel bad in it because of widespread opinions and dehumanization of a character that is as of late written to be sympathetic to the audience. that’s not a disagreement, the people who are actually sympathetic are a minority in the fandom, which would be fine with me, if they weren’t constantly invalidated, triggered and harassed as a direct result of the dehumanization discussed in this post.

besides the fact that the principle of dehumanization applied to c!dream is wrong - and if people find themselves doing that, it’s good for them to find a way to realize that, such as this post, because projection =/= dehumanization, and this post is targeting one, not the other - this is why i wrote this post. i still believe my points are valid and important for this fandom to consider.

you know, we could talk about the characterization right now - but after this i’m going onto a two month long hiatus for the sole purpose of studying the character. i’m not joking, this is what i’m dedicating my summer to. since i’m also closing my asks because of this, i can write this down and @ you when i’m done? :D i’d love to talk about him but i’m going to have so much more evidence after this, so maybe we can put this off for a while if you don’t mind! of course feel free to continue the dehumanization debate in a string of reblogs since it’s pretty much a different debate entirely.

( @zrenia @caketexturepack just tagging some people who responded to your response and might be interested in the continuation of the debate - also curious anon i saw your two asks i was just busy djsjdks please don’t spam about people who replied to me, i have a bad memory but i write this stuff down, actually )

[lost-dazed-andconfused]

Okay. I have some thoughts.

After finishing the final episode I have mixed feelings.

On the one hand, yes I enjoyed it and it surprised me in many places with how much I was enjoying it.

On the other, there are some issues.

I went into it with no expectations. I hadn’t heard of it before, I’d seen no promotional stuff for it. Netflix just popped it up and I watch 3 seconds of the trailer with no sound on and I was like ‘yeah sure this looks like my kind of thing.’ I wasn’t really interested in what was happening for a good two episodes. It was decent and if I wasn’t in this mood, maybe I would’ve paid more attention and gotten more into it sooner but reality is, I was only half paying attention. But then the dialogue started having some kickers and I was like ‘okay, I can get into this. The characters are fun and I do really enjoy the dialogue.’ And it made me feel emotions, even if it was predictable in a lot of scenes. I would know how the heartfelt moments were gonna play out, I even said some lines out loud before the characters did. There were moments that I didn’t expect though either and while some of those were plot twists that I might’ve picked up on if I was paying more attention, others were different. Like the gay characters. And here’s where the issues start. However, I’d like to discuss some other issues before I get to that.

I have an issue with the pacing/writing of the overall arc (we all already know I think the dialogue was written exceptionally in many places), I don’t know if it’s because I wasn’t paying complete attention but it didn’t make me care enough about the characters. In fact, apart from the main group, I didn’t feel like I knew that much about the characters at all. There’s potential in each and every one, I can feel it. They are good characters and each are unique and have stuff to explore. It just wasn’t explored (at least not enough) which is the issue. I felt like the story was flat. It has a lot of potential but I still feel lost in so many aspects of the story. It’s like there was all this set up of ideas that don’t get explored, explained, or used to their full capacity. And while there’s a slight set up for a next season, I don’t entirely see how they can fix this that way since another season will just have another plot to follow. This needs filler. So much more filler. But that would also make it way too tedious.

Now,,,, the issue with my beautiful boys. Massive spoilers btw.

They cannot introduce a character as gay in the season finale and then kill him off in the same episode. There’s no way around it, they are perpetrating the Bury Your Gays troupe. This troupe sucks and I’m already sick of it and I don’t even see it that often in the media I watch. I get they wanted consequences and they wanted emotion. And if I wasn’t so angry in the moment about this wonderful thing I had just praised it for being ripped from me, I would’ve felt emotional. Because the scene literally is a guy saved his little brother, throwing away his entire life right after getting together with someone he’d previously been too afraid to ask out. And that’s really sweet and heavy and emotional. And I get that emotional scenes and sacrifice are all important in story and teen fantasy. From a writer’s perspective, I get that. But from a queer perspective, I feel tricked and robbed. I was looking forward to a cute gay knight couple. And they were cute together, those dorks. But instead I get the scene where they essentially get together, a morning after moment where they aren’t really shown together, more like ‘oh no we weren’t doing anything gay. What are you talking about?’ And then the emotional ‘he’s dying in my arms’ and the funeral scenes. That’s it! That’s all the gay we get. And I don’t think that’s very fair at all. It’s certainly not good rep.

But does this make the show bad? I still enjoyed plenty of shows despite their issues and was fine with enjoying the media while acknowledging it’s faults.

I think, no. I think this show has a lot of good points and the narrative stuff I mentioned are all pretty much personal opinions and impacted heavily by my current mood and ability to focus on one thing entirely. That is to say, I am still disappointed they killed him off. Very disappointed. And it definitely brings down how much I like the show. But I think I can live with it for the most part. Still unhappy but I’m not gonna let that stop me from loving the dialogue or loving the cute scenes we did have and imagining the two of them alive and being kickass gay knights together.

[linsh6]

Speculations for GOT S8

Since I’ve expressed some thoughts about Show!Jonrya, maybe I just outright say all my opinions toward GOT and my S8 speculations.

D&D are really dumb writers

Yes, I won't avoid my “despise” on them so I just outright say it. A lot of people think they just hate Arya so much so they reduce her complex character into a one-dimensional badass assassin and ignore her capacity to become a leader (or queen). But in my opinion, they just purely so suck at script writing that everyone in the show is reduced to a one-dimensional character.

I once held a job as a scriptwriter back in my country (not in English though, and then I quit my job and became a free writer), and I know some important principles and points when it comes to scriptwriting. First of all is the characters’ arcs, D&D apparently have sucked at that so I won’t say much, all of you guys can refer to Grrm’s amazing original and will know how complex character development truly is (He’s so talented and I admire him so much). Why, based on Grrm’s brilliant work, D&D still managed to fuck up the characters’ shapings, I don’t know the reason, just like I suspect why they can even earn their job at HBO. 

Then is the structure and consistency,  I can convince myself that D&D did try their best for the characters but failed, but if the story is not consistent and even contradict itself, it’s deadly. A good scriptwriter (or at least who wants to be) must consider the whole plan from the beginning, otherwise, the story would easily become a total mess.

I believe that D&D do that effort (I believe in their ambition to be remembered and honored as scriptwriters), and we can access that they did plan out some character's development from S1 and talked with Grrm regarding their endings. 

So based on that I would build my personal speculations for S8′s plot.

1. Jonerys’ relationship & Daenerys’ ending.

First of all, I am a little up for the Daenerys’ mad queen theory. In S7 Daenerys literally burn people alive because they refused to bend their knee, which includes Sam’s father and brother. Tyrion felt it not good and tried to stop her, but he failed. 

That behavior is not a really good sign to me, and every character must hold their fate for what they’ve done, remember some actors did refer that there’s a trail for everyone in the final season? If that’s the case, why Daenerys should escape that final trial? I can tell D&D set this up intentionally because Tyrion as a neutral mirror already contradicted Daenerys at that scene.

And I dont’t see Jonerys will end well, their value and ways of lifestyle are too different, and their union in last season was nothing more than a forced push. They only knew each other for several days! How can we count on their relationship to be a great love story? And honestly I don’t see D&D put any effort in developing Jonerys’ relationship, all of their plots are so obvious and cliche, if they really are the final endgame D&D certainly could come up something better & more touching. 

I do think that Jonerys would become enemies in the end. Daenerys has no way back but become a queen to rule the seven kingdoms, otherwise all the efforts along her way to come to now would mean nothing, where there’s no better description than Grrm’s original line “If I look back, I am lost” ( In the books I sympathize for Daenerys, but she’s so flat on the show...)

2. Sansa will die

Honestly, I think Sansa will die halfway both in the show and in the books, she’s not important enough to make it to the finale episode. Actually she’s not even important enough bothering me to talk about, but D&D certainly did show some “fondness” to this character that made us hard to ignore.

Of course, they really “like” her, even to add a rape plot to force her to “grow” and made her first reunite with Jon. But that’s it, they can’t do more. They nearly made her become the top tier characters, but only nearly. Despite of their “fondness” of Sansa, D&D still didn’t make the northern lords fight against Boltons for Sansa like they did for Arya in the books, neither Jon. And D&D shaped her as an ambitious politician who would rather take place of Jon and almost kill her sister, which was verified by the script remark. (And Jonsa is a crackship both in the show and the books, there’s no other way around.)

Sansa still needs to fulfill her final character arc with meeting Cersei at King’s Landing,  so her death may happen at episode 4 or 5 I guess.

3. Arya’s role in the battle of dawn

I surely believe Arya will play an important role in the battle of dawn, even decisive, first point is her valyrian dagger, and second is Nymeria. 

In Isaac’s interview, he did say bran offers Arya the valyrian dragger because he senses there’s gonna be some importance to it. So maybe we can guess Arya would use this dagger in some vital fighting moment like fighting the Night King.

Then is Nymeria, I know people are all upset about the scene in S7, but it must mean for something, otherwise that would be a total waste of time for showing that Nymeria becomes a queen of a wolf pack (and the money too). Remember Ghost and Nymeria are the only Stark’s direwolf left. I believe Nymeria’s wolf pack would show up in the critical moment during the fighting. 

4. Arya’s parallel to Lyanna

I guess that in S8 there may be a scene directly compare Arya to Lyanna. Remember GOT’s team did make some efforts to choose an actress who resembles Maisie to play Lyanna. And Maisie also once said "I remember having a little braid in my hair and the hair and make-up team would be like, you cannot leave with that braid in your hair, we have to take it out. Because people will read into it and find some spoilers with just a braid." 

If Arya has a scene with a braid and be referred to Lyanna, then it must have a strong impact to Jon, because all these years he always wondered about his mother, now finally gonna see a live Lyanna 2.0 before his eyes.

5. Jonrya’s relationship development

According to actors’ interviews recently, that would be a fair guess that Jonrya won’t go well at the beginning, like a forthright hug as they do in S1E2. But I don’t view it as a bad thing, on the opposite I believe a real important relationship would need a proper and elaborate-designed development (never like Jonerys’ one),  that arc would be more moving and impressing.

If Jon & Arya develop their relationship through the final season, like afraid to face each other at the first but then realize they will still love each other no matter what, then I have every reason to believe Jonrya is the endgame. 

And if they do end up romantically (that’s my hope), I guess would be under that stressful circumstance and they still and only have each other (Sansa will die, Bran is emotionless, Jon and Daenerys may turn against each other halfway). Only they would love the other unconditionally, what else does it need for them to go further?

Final word

To close this post, I just want to express my love and respect for the show. Not for D&D of course, they suck at those characters and mess the story after S5. But for Grrm’s brilliant original base and the actors’ amazing performances, including those of Lena, Peter, Carice, Alfie, Aiden & so many other great ones, and finally my beloved Maisie (Not including Kit and Emilia, especially Emilia, they’re lovely though). 

In my view, GOT is one of the greatest show in the world (thanks to Grrm’s original work of course not D&D’s), and I may rewatch and appreciate it every now and then for my later years. 

D&D did a rather good job at least for the first 4 seasons, if they really make an “unexpected” ending as every actor put it and want to impress the audience & to be remembered well, I do hope they could end it well, just like what they did with the beginning.

If that so, I may still not forgive what they did in S5 but would not hate them anymore probably😊.

[whisperoftheheart1995]

An Unexpected Moment- Chapter 1

The first time Peter sees Johnny Storm in person he's so distracted he swings right into a billboard.

In hindsight, he should have known it would be inevitable. New York is big, but it isn't that big. Of course he'd run into the other superhero sooner or later. It was only a matter of time, really.

Or, the Fantastic Four join the MCU and things get gay

(Also posted here)

“The Daily Bugle thinks you stole a baby,” Ned says, staring down at his phone screen.

“What? Why would I even want a baby?”

“So you can ‘brainwash it to follow in your evil footsteps,’” Ned reads off.

Peter hangs down from his spot on the top bunk. “Ugh, let me see that.” The other boy hands him the phone.

Sure enough, Ned is right. The news headline reads SPIDER MENACE KIDNAPS BABY! accompanied by a photo of Spider-Man pulling a baby out of a burning apartment building. A baby that he handed back to its mother a good four seconds later.

“No one actually believes that, do they?”

“It got over 50,000 retweets.”

“This sucks.” He’s only been Spider-Man for about a year but the public has already turned on him. Even the endorsement from Tony Stark didn’t seem to do much to sway opinions, not when The Daily Bugle keeps putting out stories like this one.

“You need to do damage control or something. I mean, look at all the other superhero groups, the Avengers, the Fantastic Four-”

“Never mention them in this house again,” Peter cuts him off. The Fantastic Four had been a sore spot for him since they emerged a few months ago. They came out of nowhere and all of the sudden, everyone was obsessed with them. Worst of all was Johnny Storm, the teenage superhero who became a social media sensation overnight. It just wasn’t fair. No one ever accused him of stealing babies. Peter hated him and his perfect hair.

“I'm just saying, they've got a great web presence. You could learn something from them.”

Peter grumbles. “Whatever. Now are we gonna watch Star Wars or not?”

Peter goes out on patrol after Ned goes home. It’s a quiet night, and he sits on the edge of a roof, scrolling through his Twitter feed. The Daily Bugle article is already up to 200,000 retweets. Peter lets out a heavy sigh and keeps scrolling. A few posts down, he finds a retweeted Buzzfeed article. “18 Times Johnny Storm Stole (Our Hearts)”. He groans out loud, but clicks on the link anyway.

Just then, he hears a scream in the distance. He pulls his mask back on and stands, looking out into the distance.

“Hey, Karen?”

Yes Peter?

“Hit it.”

Super Trooper starts playing as Peter swings past buildings, following the sounds of screams. He comes to a dark alley where a masked man holding a knife has two women backed into a corner.

“Surprise!” he calls out as he webs the knife out of the man’s hand, kicking him backward away from the women.

The song isn’t even over by the time he has the attacker webbed up against the brick wall.

“Oh my god, it’s Spider-Man!” the first woman says excitedly.

“This is so cool!” adds the second and Peter feels himself swell with pride. People still love him. Even if The Daily Bugle is out to get him, he still has people who care.

“Do you know Johnny Storm?” the first woman asks and his heart deflates like a balloon.

He swings off without another word.

Even at school, Peter can't seem to escape the Fantastic Four. It's all anyone talks about as he walks through the halls, trying to finish his already-late physics assignment as he does. Whatever. At least he has lunch to get it done. And maybe Ned will let him copy his.

Ned shuts off his phone the second Peter sets his lunch tray down, acting oddly guilty. Peter squints at him. “What are you doing?”

“Nothing, don’t worry about it.”

Peter stares at him unblinking. “Just show me.”

Ned unlocks his phone and a Buzzfeed interview of Johnny Storm pulls up. He’s surrounded by puppies, laughing as the one perched in his lap tries to lick his cheek. It’s like something out of one of Peter’s fantasies, not that he’d ever admit that out loud. Instead, he groans dramatically.

“Not you too.”

“What? He’s like, really hot.”

“There’s a joke in there somewhere. And what would Abe think?”

Abe, Ned’s sort-of boyfriend of the last few months. “He’d probably agree with me,” Ned replies with a simple shrug. “I mean, he is hot. That’s, like, an irrefutable fact.”

“That’s definitely not true. And are you saying I’m not hot?” Peter puts a hand to his chest in mock offense.

“Don’t make me answer that.”

“I’m getting a new best friend. MJ, interested?” he directs at the girl seated a few chairs down.

“Absolutely not, dipshit,” she says without looking up from her book.

“Okay, I’m gonna pretend that didn’t hurt. But seriously. Johnny Storm ?”

“I don’t understand what your problem with him is.”

“I don’t have a problem with him!” Peter says frantically. “I just don’t think it’s right to use superpowers to get famous. Or to use them to get, like, underwear modeling jobs or whatever.”

“Like anyone would ever ask you to be an underwear model,” MJ deadpans. Ned chokes on his drink.

Peter glares at his so-called friends. “I hate you both.” He lets out a sigh. “Un-pause it.”

“But I thought you-”

“Just do it.”

Ned gives MJ a confused shrug, but does what he asked. On screen, Johnny picks up another puppy and sets it in his lap, stroking it lovingly behind the ears as he answers the interviewer’s next question.

“I want to play with puppies,” Peter grumbles.

“I know you do, Peter,” Ned says, patting him on the back. “I know you do.”

The first time Peter sees Johnny Storm in person he's so distracted he swings right into a billboard.

In hindsight, he should have known it would be inevitable. New York is big, but it isn't that big. Of course he'd run into the other superhero sooner or later. It was only a matter of time, really.

He closes his eyes tight and braces himself for the impact of hard ground beneath him, but it never comes. Instead, he feels a pair of strong arms wrap around him, and he immediately wishes it had been the concrete instead. If it were possible to die of embarrassment, he would have by now.

He opens his eyes hesitantly, greeted by the sight of Johnny Storm staring down at him, concern written all over his warm brown eyes. “That was some fall, Spidey. Are you okay?”

“I am now,” he says without thinking, then fights the urge to smack himself directly into another billboard.  

Johnny lets out a small laugh. “I think you must have hit your head pretty hard.”

“Oh, yeah, that's it. That's totally why I said that.”

He stares at Johnny, and Johnny stares back.

“So are you gonna get down or…”

“Oh, uh s-sorry,” Peter blurts and scrambles to the ground.

“It’s fine, dude.” Johnny looks at him uncertainly. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

You have a mild concussion, Karen’s voice says in his head.

“Shut up, Karen,” Peter mumbles and Johnny’s eyes widen.

“No, that’s just- my suit talks to me sometimes,” he clarifies.

Johnny looks at him like he grew a second head. “That’s it, I’m taking you to the hospital.”

“No hospitals!” Peter practically yells. “Seriously, I’m fine, I just need to sleep it off. It’s not the first time I’ve swung into a billboard.” He lets out a sigh before hesitantly admitting, “And it probably won’t be the last.”

Johnny smiles at him and a warm feeling settles in Peter’s chest. “Take care, Spidey. Maybe I’ll see you around.”

He flies off, leaving Peter staring at the spot he occupied moments ago.

“God, I hope so,” he finally says, but there's no one around to hear him anyway.

The next day, a photo of them ends up in The Daily Bugle , the headline accusing Spider-Man of seducing the Human Torch to the dark side.

Ned laughs so hard he falls out of his chair.  

“I can't believe you hit on the Human Torch,” Ned says, voice full of disbelief. They're sitting on the floor of Ned’s bedroom, a video game pulled up on the TV in front of them. His friend had finally convinced him to tell the whole story of his encounter with Johnny Storm, a decision Peter was beginning to think was a huge mistake. “I thought you hated the guy.”

“I regret telling you anything, ever.” He shoves a handful of potato chips into his mouth in a desperate attempt to eat away his feelings.

“Better me than MJ.”

“She cannot know about this.”

“Um…”

“You already told her, didn't you?”

“Like a minute after you told me.”

“Oh my god.”

“You have to admit it's kinda funny.”

“No it's not,” Peter groans, putting his head in his hands. “What if I see him again?”

“Come on, what are the chances of that?”

(Chapter 2)

[vacationcalendar]

7/19/21

Alright bitch, welcome back. Holy shit I make sitting down to blog look fucking impossible don’t I. Alright alright, let’s keep it pg-13 if we can..

I set an alarm for 10am to go off every day that just says BLOG TIME. I’d preferably like to get banging out words onto the page a little bit BEFORE that. It’s a powerful “awakening” activity in my experience, and I should be using that to my advantage. I also want to take as much time as I can on this project, especially if it’s psuedo-replacing a 40hr/week job. The earlier I get started the less I have to worry about what time it is when I’m done. My procrastination on day 2 has cost me the entirety of a sunny day. Well, it’s 2:30 now; so I imagine by the time I wrap this up I’ll have missed peek sun time. But who’s to say?

I’m starting to get that sense of dread again. That feeling I sometimes get when I can see hard plans lining my calendar far too densely populated for my liking. Big dentist appointment tomorrow. Day after that is a wash as far as I’m concerned. Even if my mouth miraculously heals in time to actually enjoy my Wednesday, I can already guarantee the psychic wounds of enduring an hours long, 600$-ish sit under the drill will take at least a couple extended sets of the fitful rest to recover from. Then I leave on Thursday to begin a full weeklong family vacation. And in that week I’ll have to figure out how to keep fucking blogging, or this thing is gonna stall out on the train tracks 100%. Do I have to explain that to you? I mean you get it; you know I’m right about that. I’m a naturally cowardly, sinful guy. I have to build up inertia on any remotely dutiful or healthy task, or I simply cannot keep it up...

So the next 3 days are all going to test my ability to actually sit here and write something. I’m really not going to want to, even though I want for literally nothing else right now. The only thing I want to do more than this creative process is to simply not exist at all. And it’s all compounded by these blasted plans. Fuck these plans. These are the dastardly plans that just cannot get canceled. They’re too high impact, and “good”(?). So then the fact that these blogs are also a “plan” just piles it up too high for me seemingly. It is quite clearly, objectively, not too much to handle. But I cannot help the fact that I feel claustrophobic. I just do. The strategy can’t be to NOT feel that way, it can’t be preventative. It has to deal with the feeling somehow. Hmmm... it’s tricky. To me, in this moment, as I’m typing this, it feels tricky. I honestly think that by the time I’m finished typing here, it WON’T feel so tricky. I’m certainly hoping that’s the case. 

Ok new track: Part of why I procrastinated so long today was pretty simple. I was hungover. I was hungover and I didn’t know what to talk about. Instead of going to be thinking about my usual faire, I was just thinking I feel like shit; I hope I don’t throw up. So I woke up late, slow, and with zero thoughts bouncing around my head. So I just watched LCS footage and read twitter, and by the time I got up and made coffee (mandatory for the blog. Blogging without coffee sounds insane. What would you ponderously sip between sentences? Water? How would that even work?) and sat down to write, I had squeezed out another full hour of procrastination. Now I won’t be hungover again for a while. This was a special occasion of sorts. Another one of my dreaded “plans.” Fuck’s sake. It was a 2nd meet up of Olivia’s peeps for drinks. It was penciled in after the first hang so that we could include everybody that didn’t make it the first time. Perfectly reasonable idea. And the first time sitting and drinking was so much fun that I sort of figured I was obligated to, pay my dues I suppose, for this second meet-up that sounded significantly less fun. But it was perfectly enjoyable. It had the energy of a hangout that could happen every single week like a sitcom. Very easy, probably more drinking than one could maintain if it were a weekly occurrence, but not too much. I don’t know where I’m going with this. Just record keeping, I guess?

Anyways, this morning was not the le morning that I can usually anticipate. So circumstances withstanding PLUS the procrastination ended up pushing the writing well past 3pm. These next 3 days (and the next 8 days after that, holy shit) are also going to mesh quite poorly with this sloppy, laissez-faire approach to getting this done. So I’m worried about it. Look, I want to do this, but I absolutely don’t want to have to worry about it. Is that asking too much? And obviously I can do this without worrying about it, in theory.  But I do not believe in myself, ok? I don’t. I’m telling you that right now. I want to cancel everything and just do this when I fucking get around to it. And, well; here’s the kicker. I didn’t mention this yet, and I probably should have. Once I get back from this GD vacation, my hiatus between jobs will officially be past a full month. I can hear the timer ticking in my head. I am in charge of how much sand I put in this particular hourglass. My mother will fully disagree with me there. I mean, I’m about to spend 8 days with someone who ask me every single day “so have you gotten your new job yet?”

You’re thinking, ‘Max, it’s not just impractical to ask a question with such a clear answer more than once without waiting for any circumstances to change, it flat out does not make any sense at all!’ I agree. We are on the exact same page guy. But you are missing the fact that “it doesn’t hurt to think about it. And maybe you can look online on your phone while you’re here trying to enjoy a vacation.”

Parents are weird. This feeling I’m describing is so relatable to some people. And other people just can’t parse it at all. There are a tiny handful of people in your life that will exist in totality literally forever. I mean one of you will die first, but for that person who died, the other people existed THE ENTIRE TIME. Minus like pre-birth and stuff, but that’s semantics. They are inevitable. They can travel all over the spectrum of human emotion vis-a-vi your relationship, but 99.9% of the grades will result in your staying completely still in your relationship to them. He sucks, but he’s my dad. He’s my dad, he’s fine. He’s my dad, I love him My dad’s the best! These father/son relationships all virtually fill up the exact same liminal space as far as I can tell. The way far ends of the bell curve are where it ever seems to yield different results. My dad is my best friend! One day I will kill my father, and I will finally be free of him. Let’s set those aside for this cross-section (vocab?). Every other relationship ship under the bell curve carries this seeming inevitability to it. These relationships seems like they get “finished” in a way. We know the personality of our parents so completely (and they have stopped changing/growing as people at a certain point), that we don’t actually have to go to them to learn about them. You don’t have to ask them questions or inquire about their opinions, because you can successfully deduce the answer using simple math. But THEN, you have to talk to them still, because they are close to you and want to learn about YOU, because you are still an incomplete puzzle. I don’t know, I just think the part of the parent/child dynamic where you have to share info with a parent even though the conversation has already been “solved;” the formality of it. The chore of it. That’s what it is. It’s chores. We know how chores are going to go, but until you actually do them, there’s this disorder. But instead of a dishwasher it’s a human being, that doesn’t “get” CRT. And if I can’t fucking convince my mother that my 28,000$ in savings will be able to tide me over for more than a week while I actually take a legitimate run at feeling fulfilled in my LIFE, convincing her to dismantle the foundation of our nation’s socio-economic structures in order to save our species from annihilation seems, I don’t know, tough.

Ok, I think I’m done. That took about an hour. I don’t think that’s bad at all. Am I still scared about tomorrow’s blog and therefore the rest of my life as I know it? Yes. Of course.

But at least you’ll be there with me when I get there. Take care bud, eat a good dinner tonight.

Love you

[motiveandthemeans]

“C’mon...son of a...” Betty grunted as she twisted the bolt into place. Often times, when faced with a dilemma, the blonde found herself tinkering with her Grandfather’s 1941 Ford F1 pickup blaring her favorite playlist consisting of the Beastie Boys, the Ramones, Bruce Springsteen and other greats. 

But not today, no, today she was just spending her day off in the garage of her rented town-home. Nope, she wasn’t bothered by anything this breezy November afternoon. Certainly not by some boy...guy. Man. Person-thing! 

Betty frowned as she mounted the clutch plate. Who did Jughead Jones think he was, turning her away like she was a high school freshman asking a senior to the prom? Sure he’s the leader of a notorious biker gang and yes, he had a reputation of being a philanderer, but did that mean they couldn’t be friends? 

In all honesty, Betty didn’t know why she was so upset. Apart from the previous night, she’d scarcely spoken two paragraphs to the man. It was just as well, she thought. There was no room in her life for a Shakespeare reading, high and mighty, narcissistic prick fluent in sarcasm. Traveling contracts only lasted 13 weeks after all, and only eleven were left to go (With the eager offer from hospital administration to stay permanently), there wasn’t a point in making...friends. 

With the garage stereo blaring The Rolling Stones, the off-duty nurse practitioner spent the next several hours crancking and wrenching and slotting under the hood of her Pa’s old truck. 

By the time she realized it, 8:30 p.m. had rolled around. Deciding to call it a night, Betty pack up her tools and spare parts, then headed directly to the shower in hopes of getting at least some of the grease off her skin. In a fortunate turn of events, her best friend Kevin Keller was in town visiting his dad (The Sherrif) and they’d made plans for dinner at Pop’s before she dropped him off at the airport about an hour away for his return flight to Chicago. 

She’d always worn scrubs to the bar, but tonight Betty Cooper was going to make Jughead Jones eat his heart out...subtly, of course. Donning her favorite pair of skinny jeans, a form fitting white t-shirt under her favorite flannel and heeled ankle boots, she looked especially good. After blow drying her hair and applying the slightest amount of make-up, she grabbed her keys and her khaki flack jacket and headed for her favorite booth at Pop’s. 

“I still haven’t forgiven you for leaving Chicago.” Kevin stated, his blue-green eyes narrowed playfully and Betty couldn’t stop her smile. “We had so much fun! Why did you ruin it to come back home, of all places? You and I both know how much it sucks coming back here. I mean, really Betts. You were like a kid in a candy shop working at that trauma center. Makes no sense.”

“Riverdale Hospital needed the help.” She said. “Plus it’s been a while since I’ve seen the twins and Polly. Lord knows my mother cannot be trusted to offer any help without providing her unsolicited opinions.”

Kevin shared her shudder. “Okay, fair point. So where will you go next? Please say New York? I’m staying with Veronica and Archie while I’m there for the Hamilton tour production meetings.”

“Maybe, we’ll see.” Betty winked. “I’m really enjoying the hospital here, actually. I’ve got so much more freedom at a non-for-profit hospital versus the university hospitals. Doctors are more laid back, the staff is friendlier, the hours are better. I’ve got to say, it’s rather tempting.”

“Yes, but you’d also inadvertently become a social pariah with no hope of finding a man anywhere near your level. All that’s left here are closeted husbands and construction workers. Unless there’s a hot MD that’s caught your eye?”

“Well, I am a Doctor of Nursing Practice, so I guess I that makes me the hot doctor.”

Kevin smirked, raising his red velvet milkshake in a toast. “Long may you reign, Doctor Nurse Betty.”

At 10:30 p.m. she dropped Kevin off at the airport with the promise of weekly FaceTime’s and a hug she wanted to sink into forever. By the time she got back to Riverdale from the airport, it was midnight. Parking in the same spot she was instructed to each time, three blocks away from the Whyte Wyrm, Betty spied a familiar Serpent waiting on his bike. 

“Hey Betty.” Joaquin smiled, handing her the extra helmet.”Looking good.”

“Thanks!” Smiling, she slung her medical bag across her shoulders and climbed onto the bike, wrapping her arms tightly around Joaquin’s waist. The trip lasted all of two minutes, but Betty still loved the thrill of the ride. Maybe she’d look into learning to ride herself. Oh, to see the look on her mother’s face!

Once the pair dismounted, they entered the bar. 

“Hey, Betty!”

“Aye, Coop!”

A wolf whistle sounded. “Looking good there, Nurse Betty!”

The blonde smiled and waved at the Serpents who greeted her, it was a full house tonight; Betty had to turn sideways to get through all the bodies as she tried to follow close behind Joaquin. 

Suddenly, a loud raucous stirred at the pool tables and several people were pushing around to get a view (or get in on the fighting). Before she even had the chance to get through, Betty was unceremoniously knocked off her feet, a yelp of surprise escaped her lips.  

But impact never came; she’d fallen into a pair of warm arms, lean and muscular, the left covered in a giant snake tattoo sleeve. He smelled of cologne and tobacco and oak. 

“Alright there, Betts?” Her savior’s voice rumbled in her ears. 

Of course it was Jughead, because her life was just one big soap opera of predictability. 

“I’m good.” Thankful her voice wasn’t shaking. “You can ah, let me go now. I’m okay.”

Betty had not meant to look into is dark blue eyes, at some point she has turned in his arms, her hands on his chest. Jughead’s arms wrapped around her waist. 

The...embrace, for lack of a better word, had lasted mere seconds, but felt like an eternity. It was almost as if they were the only two in the room and a bar fight had not just erupted around them. 

The sound of shattering glass broke their reverie. Betty watched as Jughead’s expression went from pensive to peeved in an instant. 

“I need to take care of this, go upstairs. I’ll meet you there.” He instructed in a clipped tone. The blonde felt uneasy, as if she were the reason he was angry when his grip around her tightened at the rising volume..

“Jug, truly, I’m alright.” 

His resolve didn’t seem to waiver. “Go on. I’ll be up in a minute.” 

Not wanting to poke the beast, Betty excised herself from his hold and went straight to the stairs. Joaquin had waited at he last step, watching her with eager curiosity. Betty knew that look, it was the same Kevin had when she’d spoken to any mildly attractive male. 

“So, you and Jug?” He asked conspiratorially as they made their way up the stairs to Alex’s room.  

“Jughead and I what?” She feigned ignorance. 

“Oh don’t play coy, you could cut the sexual tension with a knife.”

Betty gaped at Joaquin, who in turn looked extremely amused. 

“You could do a lot worse, you know. He’s rough around the edges, but Jug’s a good guy.” 

“Touching as your efforts are to get your friend into my panties, I should inform you that Jughead doesn’t wish, in fact he expressly said that he wanted only to have a professional relationship with me.”

“Did he really say that?”

“Mmmhmm, said he was a good judge of character and that a friendship between us would not be in my best interest.”

“Well if that’s the case, you should seriously consider suing for unwarranted sexual advances in the work place because baby, he looked at you like you were the only girl in the room.” Joaquin said.

Betty frowned as they reached Alex’s door. “I want a new chaperone.”

Joaquin merely grinned and took up his usual position of standing guard outside of the room. 

Alex was asleep, no doubt due to painkillers. Completely absorbed in her task (an involuntary switch went off in her head, changing her state of mind she fondly referred to as Nurse Mode), Betty had failed to notice Jughead had entered the room, seating himself in the chair beside the door watching her every move. It wasn’t until she looked up after finishing the dressing change and throwing away the used supplies that she noticed him looking at her. 

Looking at her like she was the light on and he was coming home. Butterflies erupted in her stomach, her palms going clammy despite the draftiness of the apartment. 

“Done?” He asked tonelessly. 

Betty nodded, not trusting her voice. They ambled quietly down the narrow stairs, she was acutely aware of how close they were. When they reached the bottom stair, Betty found it to be quieter than before. The music turned down to a bearable octave, Serpents and patrons alike chatting quietly and sharing low rumbles of laughter. 

“See ya, Nurse Betty.” Sweet Pea winked from his spot at the poker table, earning a smack upside the head from Tall Boy. “Ow! Hey!”

“Mind yer Manners.” The older, wiser Serpent snapped. “Later, Betty.”

“BYE BETTY!” The bar choursed. The blonde blushed, waving sweetly with a happy smile before Jughead opened the door and lead her out. 

“Seems you’re popular around here.” Jughead chided, but Betty wasn’t in the mood for teasing, not from him. 

“They’re good people.” She smiled benignly. 

The pair were quiet for the first block, but Betty could tell Jughead was uneasy. Every ten paces or so she would notice his eyes flit to her then back forward. 

Hello awkwardness my old friend, Betty mused. Good. She hoped he felt weird after rejecting her friendship 25 hours and 32 minutes ago. Not that she was counting, or anything. 

“You look nice tonight.”

The blonde was sure that she’d given herself whiplash. Had Jughead Jones just...complimented her?

“Er, thank-you. I met a friend for dinner before coming here.” As if she’d get gussied up to see Kevin, her best friend was luck if Betty was out of her pajamas before they hung out.

“Oh? One of the four?” He was teasing her again.

Well, two could play at that game. Unable to control it, a light laugh escaped her lips. “Yes, he made the cut.”

The nurse didn’t miss the way he tensed at the use of the male pronoun. 

“And?” He probed. 

“And...what?” 

“Did the evening go well?” He asked evenly. Was he annoyed, angry or hurt? Betty gave up trying to decipher Jughead’s moods. 

“Yeah, of course. We went to Pop’s just like old times.”

“So he’s from RIverdale?”

She nodded. “I’ve known Kevin Keller my whole life, we lived together while I was working at that trauma center in Chicago. He’s an ensemble director.”

“Keller? As in Sherrif Keller’s kid?” The Serpent King asked as they reached the second block. 

“Yes, his only son. I take it you’ve met the good Sherrif?” Betty smirked playfully.

Jughead matched her smirk. “On occasion.”

It was no secret the Sherrif’s boy was gay, everyone knew it. She watched his body language relax, no longer throwing out a line of questioning. They were quiet again for the rest of the second block, it was less ominously suffocating than the last silence. 

“I never thanked you.” Dark blue eyes gazing at her intently. “For what you’ve done for Alex, for protecting the Serpents.”

“I’m happy to help.” 

“Still, I know you’re risking a lot.” He continued. “We...I, appreciate it.”

“Anyone else would’ve have done the same.”

“No, they wouldn’t have.” Jughead said with a hint of admiration. “If there is ever anything you need, Serpents pay their debts.”

Betty let out a humorless laugh, they were well into the third block. 

“Why can’t you accept that I don’t want anything from you? All I ever wanted from you was your friendship but I guess helping Alex and protecting your anonymity doesn’t warrant such benevolent from the Serpent King.”

They’d reached her car, Betty unlocked the trunk and threw her bag inside, slamming it shut. How did he always manage to piss her off? God, he was infuriating!

“Betty-” Jughead grabbed her arm gently. 

“No! You don’t get to decide things for me, Jughead! I’m capable of making my own choices, I get to choose who I share my time with-”

“I know, I-”

“And for you to just shut me down after-”

“Betts!” He said sternly, they were close now, his face only inches from hers. 

But the blonde found no trace of anger in his eyes, in fact all she saw was a tenderness, an amused smile played his lips. Jughead reached a hand to cup her face, running his hand across her cheek. 

“Yes...Jug?” She whispered breathlessly. 

“Can I kiss you?” He asked softly. 

“Friend’s don’t kiss.” She replied, heady with the intimacy of his gaze. 

“Then it’s a good thing we’re not friends.” He said before leaning in and pressing a long, tender kiss on her lips. Betty sank into his arms, running her hands up his chest and into his dark curly hair, twisting it gently around her fingers. He pressed her closer, deepening the kiss and a soft mewl escaped her lips. Jughead moved his hands to her thighs and suddenly picked her up, Betty let out a gasp of surprise as he placed her on top of the trunk and stepped between her legs, reconnecting their lips. 

They kissed till they were out of breath, Jughead nuzzled her neck inhaling her scent. Betty kissed his soft hair, running her hands up and down his arms. 

“Betty?” He whispered. 

“Jug?”

“Do you work tomorrow night?”

She shook her head in the negative. 

“Then I’ll pick you up from your place at 7:00.”

Betty bit back a smile as she gazed into his dark blue eyes. “Jughead Jones, are you asking me on a date?”

“Like you said,” He replied salaciously. “Friends don’t kiss.”

[woozapooza]

Black Sails: The Verdict

not to be obvious but this was a really good show

If I try to get into all the things I want to say about this show I’ll be writing this post for the rest of my life so I’m just gonna touch on the most important things.

I’m not sure there’s ever been a show that had this much of an emotional impact on me. I woke up in the middle of the night last night thinking about the show. I guess I must have been dreaming about it and dreamed so hard I woke myself up. I’m sincerely hoping that the day is not far off when I can think about this show more calmly. I think I’ll be able to enjoy it more when the very thought of it doesn’t make me drown in feelings. I’m grateful for the BS humor videos on youtube that are helping me take the show less seriously.

I’ve been looking at other people’s reactions to the finale and two things are clearer than ever (and they were already pretty clear): 1. This is a very complex show where no one is ever totally right or wrong. 2. My standards for TV are a lot lower than many TV fans’. I’m impressed by people who are able to be like “here’s why such-and-such episode didn’t make sense/was dissatisfying” and I sort of envy people who are that good at watching TV but I’m a lot more willing than some people to accept what a show gives me and that’s just the way it is. So I understand some people’s complaints about various things about how the show ended, and I also understand the people who have the complete opposite points of view because this show is wicked complex and there are no right answers to a lot of the big questions about it. Anyway, the following are just my onions.

Ultimately I think my favorite character was Silver. I’ve never seen a character with development like his. I know his actions in the finale are very controversial and I’m trying not to take too hard a stance on them in one direction or the other, but I think what he did was ultimately right. He prevented a war that would have been devastating (because it’s a war) and that England probably would have won anyway. It’s not like the fact that the war got cut short means people aren’t going to keep resisting the bad things about the British empire. As for what he did to Flint, I’ve seen some people get very angry with Silver for essentially selling Flint into slavery, which okay yes, but…what was he supposed to do? If he wants to end the war, he has to sacrifice Flint. Flint’s whole identity was built around fighting civilization. If Silver wanted to end the war, he had to end Flint, and the only ways to do that were to kill him or “unmake” him, and what’s the best way to do that latter? By forcibly removing Flint from his life of piracy and reuniting him with the very thing whose loss turned James McGraw into Captain Flint in the first place: Thomas Hamilton. Flint’s life was basically miserable and I can’t see any way Silver could have found happiness for Flint except by reuniting him with the man he loved. It sucks that Flint is basically trapped on the plantation, but he hates the world anyway, so I’m not sure he’d be all that devastated about being shut off from the world for the rest of his life. Plus, it was repeatedly stressed that this is place as humane as it could be while still being what it is—I mean, no one got mad at Thomas for stopping work and hugging and kissing his lover—so it’s not like he’ll be treated terribly. I’m not trying to pretend that what Silver did was totally fine, but he gave Flint the happiest ending realistically possible. What else was he supposed to do?

I know some people suspect that Silver actually killed Flint and made up the story about sending him to the plantation, but not only is that needlessly depressing when the show is throwing a much happier option at us, it doesn’t even make sense. I mean, I don’t understand the logic of literally seeing something happen and then being like “well what if that didn’t happen!” Like, it’s a show, none of it really happened, but there is still a reality at the fictional level and if the show is clearly telling us that an event is part of that reality I don’t understand the impulse to reject that event as real.

It’s striking—and pleasing—that for such an angsty show, the ending was relatively happy. The world changes, civilization wins out, but that doesn’t mean everyone’s lives are over, that there’s no room for them to be happy going forward. Flint gets to “walk away from the sea and find some peace” with his true love. (Also note that he and Thomas were separated for approximately ten years, which is, well, half the time Odysseus and Penelope were separated? So the parallel sort of works. Half works.) Silver and Madi have gone through a very rough patch, but Madi returns to Silver and I have to believe that that means she’s come to see that his point of view is legitimate, that the issue of the war was an impossibly complicated one and the fact that they had different opinions on it doesn’t make either of them wrong, and that he really loves her. I know Silver has a wife in the book (which I CANNOT WAIT TO READ), so I assume we’re supposed to think he and Madi worked it out and got married. I’m more than willing to think that. Jack and Anne are still together (till they put us in the fucking ground!), still doin’ piracy, and Jack got another lesbian for his collection. (Hi, Mary Read!!!) Max is still running Nassau, happy, powerful, able to make the world a better place, and on good terms with Anne and Jack. Featherstone is governor! I love it! Everything sucks for Woodes Rogers, which, while I didn’t really like him, is not entirely fair, to be honest. He was no more a one-dimensional villain than Flint. Billy is, uh, marooned on Skeleton Island, I guess? Well, I know he can’t die yet because he’s in the book. Actually, let me start a new paragraph about Billy.

I know a lot of people ended up straight-up hating Billy, but I didn’t. I don’t want to go into too much detail because quite honestly I’m afraid I’m going to end up saying things that are just factually incorrect but I think Billy had good intentions that led him astray. It’s sad, really. His hatred of Flint was honestly totally justified but it led him to do things he shouldn’t have done, like going through with the raid on that one plantation. I don’t know, maybe I’m going too easy on him because he was so wonderful in the first three seasons, but maybe it’s not a bad thing that I choose to remember who Billy used to be and try to see that person in who he became.

I have a ton more things I want to say but those things will have to wait for other posts. Some of them I won’t be able to articulate unless I rewatch, and god knows when I’ll have the strength to do that. I’m just so fascinated by the theme of stories (one of my favorite themes for any show to have) in particular as it relates to my dear boys Flint and Silver. Both of them take on identities they didn’t start with—civilized lieutenant James McGraw becomes “the bloodthirstiest buccaneer that sailed,” Captain Flint, and tiny precious happy John Silver becomes Terrifying Indestructible Pirate Long John Silver—and we see the stories that spring up around both of those characters but we also see these guys for who they truly are underneath all the legends and ahhhhh I’m becoming inarticulate so I’m gonna just stop that thought here. In fact, I think it’s time to wrap up this post because if I even try to say more I’m gonna be here forever. Oh, but let me just say bless Jack Rackham for that beautiful speech about stories. Whenever a character in a show or movie makes a grand speech on that topic I’m GUARANTEED to just lose it emotionally.

Last thing: the reasons I wanted to watch this show in the first place were simply that it was a period drama about pirates that had quality gay/bi representation. I built it up so much in my head that I was apprehensive about watching it but guess what, it totally met my expectations! The representation was beautiful (I want to say more words on that topic but I’ll save that for another post) and, like, there were pirates. If I may end on a shallow note (which I may because it’s my blog and I’m in charge) anything with pirates is guaranteed to be awesome.

[watson--watsoff]

Tl;DR - I enjoyed 13 Reasons Why and don’t want to hate on it.

Talking about depression and suicide is never a bad option.

With that being said, I loved 13 Reasons Why, but also think there is an element of danger to it.

I loved it because it was intriguing, dark, and well done. And it certainly didn't romanticize or shy away from showing the horrors of suicide, as well as the "realness" that teenagers or young people experience. One of the topics that's explored throughout the show is how teenagers live and explore life in a very deep, excruciating way, as if every experience is of the utmost importance. And I think there's some truth to that. Small, minute details, while they may not determine the rest of a high schooler's (or college student's) life, are extremely important in that moment, both the moment in and of itself and for the individual's self concept. Not to mention, young adults have biologically different brains than adults do, and their frontal lobes experience pain and pleasure much more intensely because they're not fully developed yet.

With that being said, the show is extremely graphic and not optimistic in the least. Hannah eventually kills herself. Before that, she seeks revenge for everything that "caused" her to take her own life. As a result, the show seems to be sending the message that depression and suicide are the result of other people's actions. And while there is some truth to that, outside factors obviously do impact a person's life and can cause harm, the decision to take your own life is nobody's but your own. Do I think it's selfish? Certainly not. I'm not under the impression that people, especially teenagers, commit suicide on a whim. It's usually a well thought out, scary process. Does that mean that they've thought about the long term consequences? Of course not, most probably most have certainly not. Committing suicide, though, is the result of deeply rooted self-hatred and morphed perceptions of self worth. Depression is a very real problem, even if upper-middle class Snowflakes like to constantly think that they all have depression and anxiety. Hannah decides to take revenge. In other words, she seems to blame others for her suicide. "You did this," instead of "This happened to me." Granted, she experienced rape, bullying, and other horrific experiences. The show gives off a message, though, that asking for help is futile, and the only way to get people to listen to you is by taking your own life. Hannah doesn't ask for help, and the few times that she comes close, they're lame efforts, consequently met with no results.

The show does not shy away from showing the trauma and horror that Hannah's parents and friends experience, which is true in real life. When somebody you love dies, you never get over it. Ever. They only seemed to pay attention to her, though, once she had died. The show depicted suicide as not only a real option, but a significant option. Granted, it is. Committing suicide can definitely call attention to yourself. As a piece of publicly consumed media, though, especially by young adults, it did not impart the greater, more optimistic message of depression and suicide: Suicide is a permanent solution for a temporary problem. The real way to get people to notice you, but more, to get others to notice you who are going through the same thing, is to live and tell your story. "You're not alone" often sounds stupid and trivial, but hearing that your experiences are not isolating, that others understand your pain, is very impactful when heard in the right moments and from the right people.

Poor mental health is a difficult topic. People reach out in a number of ways, many times in very discrete ways, and a lot of the time, others don't recognize the actions or simply "don't care enough," as Hannah says. Which is tricky, because often the times when people need the most help is when they're too scared, or refuse, to ask for it. Should help be forced onto them? Maybe, maybe not. Sure, people need to care for others, but you need to care for yourself the most. Your personal self worth cannot be solely molded by the opinions of your friends and family, but that's easier said than done, especially as a teenager. Yes, socialization and relationships help create a person's identity, but in the end, it is not other people's responsibility to look out for you. If you don't look out for yourself first, you can sure bet nobody else is going to either.

That being said, yes, the show has many positive messages, though they're small. Clay, constantly reminds the audience that society, as a whole, needs to treat one another better, and I can easily hop on board with that train of thought. And other characters constantly say that suicide is not a good option (regardless of the show's trajectory, which seems to tell a contradictory story. Clearly, it is an option.)

So, do I think that the show should be condemned as harmful media? No. Do I think it's a mature show that some young adults should steer away from? Sure. The show should definitely come with trigger warnings. For people who already deal with issues of mental health, this could either be a wake up call for help, or, more likely, a reinforcement showing that suicide actually is an answer. However, for the casual viewer, the show is a fantastic watch. And with the right critical lens, the show is great and thought provoking. Most importantly, its greatest result is that it has started conversations among kids, parents, and friends. In my opinion, the show is harmful to young viewers just as Juno can be seen as harmful. Yes, it can be seen to give off a falsely positive message about incredibly serious, life altering topics, i.e. teen suicide and teen pregnancy. Would I show a pregnant 16 year old Juno? Probably not. Most likely, that pregnant 16 year old is not going to just give up the baby for adoption and then ride her bike down the street the next day with a guitar strapped onto her back. That being said, I love Juno and think it's a quality film. Just as I think 13RW is a quality television show.

The show should not be watched blindly, just as nothing should be accepted or received without questioning and critical thinking. Some things don't have happy endings. Everyone has experienced bouts of depression in different degrees of severity. If you can't relate to Hannah on some level, you're either lying to yourself or an incredibly lucky outlier. The show highlights how suicide is an option. And? It is an option. Do I condone that option? Certainly not, but it definitely is an option, as Alex points out. That being said, if you're going to commit suicide, I don't think it's fair to blame that suicide on the show. If that's the trigger, the last straw that influences a person to take his own life, then obviously there was much more going on behind the scenes. Yes, the show is not a piece of optimistic, self love promoting, happy piece of media. Not all media is, or has to be. The reality of suicide, and life, is that some of it sucks and not everything ends perfectly, or with any amount of happiness.

However, as someone who needed to fill 13 hours of my time during a free weekend, I sincerely enjoyed binge watching it.

[-theuntoldstoryofemilyy]

For a while now, I’ve been wanting to get back into writing more and I need to vent so I think this would be a good start...

As the new year and new semester are just taking off, I have realized that I need to start making changes in my life to get me to where I want to be. 2016 was just not my year and with every year that passes, I come to learn more about myself. 

I have never been one to really have serious goals in mind for a new year, nor have I been one to believe you need a new year to start making changes. But, if a new year is an excuse- if you will- to start bettering yourself, then I guess who am I to say otherwise. 

My goals for this year and this semester are to... 

 Make school my priority

 Make sure I go to all my classes

Spend less money

Surround myself with things and people that make me happy

Cut the people and things out of my life that don’t make me happy 

I’ve always felt like I put more effort into my relationships with other people than I get back, whether that be my friendships or with boys I am talking to. It always makes me sad that I feel like I am always the one initiating things and that if I don’t reach out to someone first, I am unlikely to hear from them. As frustrating as this is and as sad as this makes me, I have started to realize that as good of a friend as they may be, I shouldn’t have to remind people about the plans we’ve made, or always have to be the first one to reach out to get together. So, I’ve made it one of my goals to not completely cut these people out of my life but to at least distance myself from them. No big deal has to be made about it and I don’t feel I need to confront them about it, but if the subject was ever brought up, I would voice my feelings to them as to why we may not have spoken for a while. 

Another reason I feel like I need to make this change in my life, is because at the end of the day, I am the one losing sleep over it- not them. I am the one that ends up hurt and I shouldn’t allow people that hurt me or make me sad to continue being a part of my life where they have the opportunity and power to do so. It sucks, but why should I waste my energy getting upset about someone that has been known to fall through with plans in the past, and only continues to do it. Its not fair to me and I am the only one who can change this. 

                                    ~~~~~~~

Another thing that has really been bothering me is one of my friends here at school. She is one of my good friends here but I just really feel like I need space from her. We spent a lot of time together last semester, too much time. And I am now to the point where I am getting frustrated by things she does when I know I shouldn’t be getting as mad as I do, but I do. 

She struggled with an eating disorder in high school and also had a boyfriend for the majority of high school, who now also goes to college with us. Something that I have picked up on is that I feel like she is a people pleaser and it really annoys me because I feel like she will say or do things just to please me, when they are in fact, not her true opinions. So it is no necessarily like she is lying, but is it like she forgets that she said one thing to me, but really means another? It is evident that she doesn’t mean some of the things she says to me, because she does the opposite? 

After doing some research on eating disorders and the dynamic between mother - daughter relationships of daughters that have eating disorders, it has been clear and proven to me that this need to please people, that I am seeing, is stemmed from her eating disorder. Her need to be approved by others and not having her own opinions is what frustrates me the most. And I’m not entirely sure why? 

As for her relationship that ended fall semester of sophomore year (i think), it ended because the boy cheated on her. Not only was and is he controlling, but also manipulative and emotionally abusive. She has ended friendships because he told her to. She lets him control her entire mood and even day. I completely understand this but at the same time do not. 

I think the dynamic of relationships in high school are completely different to how they are in college in that it was more acceptable to stay with someone who treated you poorly because of the smaller pool of people and it was just comfortable in high school. I don’t know if I’ve been kind of numbed to this feeling now but I really feel as if your twenties are your selfish years and college is the time to meet new people and have new experiences with new people. I’m not saying she shouldn’t be sad about the breakup or just him in general, but I just feel that it is very high school like. Its hard too because she doesn’t ever tell anyone about him, because she knows people do not approve of their relationship. He is so manipulative to her and knows she will come back to him always and he takes advantage of that. Its frustrating as her friend to see her to continue to return and not speak up about it, to a boy who treats her so bad. 

I know in high school, no one understood what I saw in Justin and no one understood why I still liked him when he also treated me horribly. But his treatment was very different than the way this ex boyfriend treats my friend. Never did Justin say half the things this ex has said to my friend, but he was a lousy boyfriend in his own way, in that he wouldn’t show up to things, take me out, etc. I’d like to think that if he ever treated me even half as badly as this ex has treated my friend, that I would break it off. I know its much easier said than done, but how do you expect yourself to get over someone when you still have them on social media and talk to his family? That I do not understand. Again, easier said than done, but if you really want something in life, you have to really want it for yourself because no one can make you do it but yourself. I learned this when I was trying to stop cutting. It takes time, but you can’t expect yourself to get over someone without giving yourself a fair chance to actually get over them, you know? 

Another thing I have a hard time understanding is why she is afraid to report an event that took place last spring semester, where she had started hooking up with a boy and wanted to stop but he wouldn’t let her. She says that she is worried the whole frat will hate her and that she doesn’t want to negatively impact his life?  I have a very hard time understanding this because HE negatively impacted his OWN life when he acted the way he did. Also, legally nothing at this point could happen. Its a he said she said situation where there was alcohol involved and it is now a year later. The worst that could happen is maybe their frat would get a warning, but if she is worried about negatively impacting his life and future, it is too late for that. 

She says she is now in counseling and going to join a support group for her sexual assault, which I think is a great step in the right direction. However, I do not think that is the only issue she needs to work on. I can only hope that this counseling leads her to more counseling for the eating disorder, because I think that is at the root of her issues. This need to not upset people and make sure everyone likes her, come from her eating disorder. I know she almost cannot help it, but it is frustrating and hard for me to understand. 

As I am making these new changes so far, like not going out as often and putting my priorities and future first, I also realize that maybe she is not in the same place I am at right now. Not only can I not financially afford to get into any more trouble, but futuristically too. She has an 8am class every day except for Friday for her teaching certification; these classes are mandatory with no absences allowed and so even though it is only the first week of the semester, she has already missed one of those classes which are 3 hours long. She also said while she was home over break that she started to take vyvanse and that she gets sick when she drinks now, but then she goes and gets hammered, misses her mandatory class, and still is planning to go out again tonight? It makes me have no sympathy or even want to hear about how if she gets a bad grade in those classes. 

Like I said, I just think we are at very different places in our lives and even different places mentally. I know I just have to keep reminding myself that I can only control my own actions and not the actions of others. But it continues to frustrate me and get me worked up when I know it shouldn’t, but I don’t know why it does or how I change my own behavior and way of thinking when it comes to this. 

                                            ~~~~~~~

If any of you have any thoughts, that would be cool, but if not then just thanks for taking the time to read this I guess. It’s been nice to let this all out. 

[neakco]

Vixen & Crow Ch. 6

Ao3 First Prev Next V&C Masterlist

The one in which Amelia and Sebastion blunder through trying to save someone, maybe they should have tried the tutorial first.

Entering the school, they found the way blocked by a security grate and a card lock.

“Think there are any open entrances?” Crow asked while examining the lock.

Vixen sighed, “Only if someone left a window open.”

Crow leaned back against the grate, “It isn’t like we can come back during proper business hours. Not only would my presence be missed, but we stand out a bit.”

Vixen grinned before diving at Crow, “Think fast.”

He instinctively moved to catch her and looked shocked when he didn’t feel the impact against his back. Looking around he realized they were on the other side, “How did you do that?”

Vixen patted his arm as she straightened, “Nice catch.” She headed down the hall without answering his question, “Scent is stronger towards the cafeteria.”

“How do you know there is a cafeteria this way?” Crow asked while wondering if maybe she went to the school too.

“Signs.” She whispered. “We’re getting closer. It smells like several bodies now and the light is almost solid.”

They quietly approached the corner and peered around. There, where they had left him two days prior, was the psychology professor muttering to himself.

Ducking back out of sight Vixen whispered, “I think it is a faculty member. I don’t think security would have locked in a student.”

“I have a friend that goes here.” Crow grasped for a truth he could share, “She mentioned that her psychology professor didn’t show up any of his classes. Maybe that’s him.”

Nathanial appeared suddenly beside them, “That’s him. He has been possessed for a while now.”

“He would have been a lot worse if a couple of students hadn’t gotten through to him earlier.” Gem added helpfully.

Vixen looked over to her partner, “Know anything about psychology?”

“Only what my friend discussed with me.” He looked at Vixen with curiosity.

“This is where we fake it until we make it, while you locate the weak spot.”

“After you fair fox.” Crow grinned with a bow.

Gem rolled her eyes where the two chosen couldn’t see her.

Vixen took up a purposeful stride into the cafeteria. “Professor. There you are.”

“Do I know you miss...?”

“Vixen, and no. Me and my partner Mr. Crow have been looking for you though.”

“Are you sure you are looking for me?” There seemed to be a conflict going on as he spoke.

Crow smiled, “Of course it’s you we are looking for, it could be no one else.”

“Of course.” the darkness in his eyes faded ever so slightly, but enough to give the two heroes some hope.

“You see, we wanted your opinion to help settle an argument.” Vixen smiled kindly, “I believe humans are a product of their biological make-up.”

“But I believe them to be a product of their environment.” Crow helpfully added.

“I am afraid I cannot help you. The topic is the majority of next week's lessons. The conclusion being that even experts still argue it.” The professor looked forlorn but the darkness had continued to fade.

“I see, so we were not to be given answers.” Crow exclaimed.

“but more questions.” Vixen finished.

“If only all my students were as intuitive as the two of you.” The darkness had all but left the man’s eyes.

Crow grinned as the man’s eyes lit up with a love of learning. “To celebrate I say we have a snack. There was something I had my EYES on in the vending machine.”

“I know the one.” Vixen began to move behind the professor, “My treat.”

Crow stood a little straighter, “It is a shame we are not your students, just their friends. You must be quite good at what you do if your students could teach us.”

The professor’s face turned blank as a shadow seemed to leak from his body.

“White Whirlwind!” Crow shouted to summon a gust aimed at the professor’s eyes.

It did as it was intended as it ripped the spirit from the man’s body and carried it towards Vixen.

“Spirit Jar!” The spirit was sucked into the jar and Vixen smiled at her partner, “I hope all spirits are so easy.”

The professor was collapsed on the ground and Crow looked towards Nathanial, “Is he going to be okay?”

“Yes, he shall wake tomorrow in good spirits remembering only that two students helped restore his faith in teaching.”

“Now send it back.” Gem squawked.

“Sweet. Excellent. How do we do that?” Vixen asked as she carried the jar towards the security grate.

“You need to focus your energy together an speak in sync.” Nathanial supplied.

Crow and Vixen grinned and each other with mischief and understanding.

“How do you feel about alliteration Fair Fox?” Crow asked politely.

“I like T’s in threes Brilliant Beanna.” Vixen held out the jar.

Crow grabbed ahold of it and they both chanted “Tricksters terminated trouble!”

A small rip in reality began to form in front of them. It seemed to absorb all the shadow’s surrounding them while adding a strange brightness.

Crow and vixen quickly released the jar and let it fly into the portal. Moments later everything was as it had been before.

Crow slowly walked to the grate, “Do you think you can tackle me through again?”

Vixen drooped a little, “I don’t know if I can tackle you, but yes.” She grabbed his arm and had them through before he had blinked.

“I was watching and I still have no idea what happened.” He yawned.

“You fly, I teleport.” Vixen answered with her own yawn. “Nat, why am I suddenly so tired?”

“The portal takes a lot of spiritual energy. It is why you are both needed to summon it.” He explained from his place on her shoulders.

“You two probably have enough left to make it home before losing the transformation.” Gem fluttered lazily past them, “Your reserves will grow with practice.”

“Meet in the park at 10 Fair Fox?”

“I look forward to it Beanna Bán.”

“Beanna Bán?” Crow asked as he readied himself to take off.

“White Crow.” Vixen smiled before heading into the woods.