#and maybe gideon’s decision to join the legion

[wastedlands]

i need season 2 only because i NEED to know what happened to shady sands in 2277 and how it started falling apart. for luke reasons of course

[melancholicumsomnia]

[FIC] A Little Miracle In The Volume Part 6

A/N: Here’s Part 6 of my fic contribution to PEDRO PASCAL APPRECIATION WEEK 2021 of @pedrohub​! The #ppaw2021 theme of Day 6 is Pedro + Color, and of course the color is BROWN.

To @pedrocentric​, here’s the next part! To those few folks who have been following this fic, my humble thanks to you all! Last part will go up tomorrow!

PREVIOUS PARTS

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

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A Little Miracle In The Volume

By

Rory

SOURCE: Audra Faye on Pinterest

Part Six

There was something about a battle scene – the potential for carnage and mayhem – that could draw out the bloodthirstiness in a man, even if it was a make believe one. 

That particular thought crossed Bill Burr’s mind as he watched crew members bustling with excitement as they set up the MBS Media Campus backlot for the filming of the climactic confrontation between Mando and his comrades against Moff Gideon and his Stormtroopers on Nevarro.

After what he could only dub as the “Ceremonial Turnover of the 501st Legion” by Deb Chow to Taika Waititi, Bill gaped with some trepidation as a seemingly demented Taika jumped about and cackled in glee, “I’ve got my own Stormtroopers! Oooh, so many things I can do with them!” Noticing the comedian standing near one of the small buildings, Taika waved to him. “Hey, Bill! Nice to see ya! Care to join my band of merry Stormtroopers?”

SOURCE: REDDIT

“Uh, I don’t think so,” Bill called back. “I just got done with a meeting with Rick about our episode. I’ll be getting my share of action soon, I guess. But thanks for asking, by the way.”

“Your loss, my friend,” Taika exclaimed as he hurried off to direct the men and women of the 501st Legion, who judging from their delighted faces never imagined that they’d actually be on set filming a Star Wars show.

The only person who didn’t seem too happy about the goings-on was the helmeted figure sitting in the cool shadows of a narrow alley. For some reason, Bill found himself gravitating toward that lonely figure.

“Hi, there! I’m Bill,” he introduced himself, reaching out his hand. “You must be Pedro.”

Pedro removed his helmet then, revealing the most expressive brown eyes that Bill had ever seen in his life. Judging from the glimmer in those doe-like orbs, he must’ve been thinking of something sad. Nevertheless, Pedro gave the comedian a nice smile and greeted, “Hi! It’s a pleasure to meet you. You’ll be playing Migs Mayfeld, right? How do you feel about being in a Star Wars TV show?” He asked the last with a teasing tone in his voice. 

“Frankly, I don’t know what I’m doing here,” Bill declared, a bit embarrassed. “I must be nuts to let Jon rope me into this.”

“Don’t worry. It’ll be fun. It’s just too bad that I won’t be around to do your episode with you. I’ll be going back to England to finish shooting Wonder Woman 1984. Then again, you’re pretty lucky because you won’t get to work with….”

Pedro’s voice trailed off then. 

Feeling left hanging, Bill gently coaxed, “Work with who?”

In answer to his question, puppeteer Jason Matthews approached Jon. “I already fixed the puppet as you have suggested. But Mr. Herzog won’t give him to me. He told me to tell you that you should send someone to inform him when you’re ready to start shooting.”

“Unbelievable!” Jon groaned. “How can we set up and rehearse when he’s keeping the Child in custody? Never mind. Tell Taika that we’ll focus on filming the skirmish for today. Depending upon how the action goes, we can figure out how we can CGI in IG-11 and the baby.”

Hearing that exchange, Bill turned to Pedro. “Herzog? They’re not talking about Werner Herzog, are they?”

“They are. Herzog’s playing the Client. He actually finished all of his scenes but he’s still hanging around the set because he developed this crazy fixation over the Child.”

“Having not seen the Child in question, I’d like to know if he’s really so cute that he has tamed a guy like Herzog.”

“Oh, he’s not just cute,” Pedro said with undisguised fondness. “There’s something magical about him. You’d understand once you see him.” He then sighed. “It’s just too sad that I didn’t get enough time with the baby off-screen. Werner just won’t let the kid out of his sight and, for some reason, he doesn’t like me.”

Bill straightened up with arms akimbo. His Boston accent grew thicker on his tongue as he declared in outrage, “That ain’t right! That baby should be with you, not him! He’s playing the bad guy!”

“You should try telling him that. A lot of people have tried talking to him, but he’s just too pigheaded.”

Bill snorted in strong disapproval. “Hmph! Looks like the time for talking is done. What we need is action.”

“Bill, it’s okay. I’ve already accepted it. After all, there is going to be a Season 2. I didn’t make any commitments, so I’ll get to spend more time with the Child then.”

“It still ain’t right that you’re not bonding with the kid as you should.” Bill made his decision in an instant. “That’s it! I’m goin’!”

“Going where?” Pedro asked in growing alarm.

“Where else? I’m gonna get back the kid.”

* * * * * * * * * * 

“Now, just sit there, little one, while I get some milk and cookies for you. Maybe a pair of headphones so you won’t get startled by all the explosions.”

As Werner went into the kitchen, the head of a sneaky figure slowly rose to peek through the trailer window. 

Bill saw the Child at once, sitting at the small dining table. “What the fuck? Is that Baby Yoda?”

At his muffled exclamation, Grogu slowly turned to him. The Child gave him a broad grin and waved his little hand.

“Aww! Ain’t ya a cutie!” It never even occurred to the comedian to ponder why the puppet moved by itself.

Carefully, Bill pushed the trailer door open and tiptoed inside. Picking up the baby, he whispered, “Come on, kid! I’m bringing you back to your Daddy.”

In reply, Grogu made happy cooing noises. 

“You like that, huh? Let’s go now.”

“Who are you?”

Bill felt his blood run icy cold at that angry voice. His head slowly moving to the left, he found himself gaping at Werner, now red in the face and carrying a glass of milk and a plate full of cookies.

“I…uh…” the comedian stammered, unsure of what to say. In the end, both he and the Child raised a hand and waved to the German filmmaker. “Bye!”

Bill darted out of the trailer before Werner could stop him. As he dashed off, he heard the German director shout, “Baby snatcher! Somebody stop him!”

Bill thought he was going to get away with the baby. Surely, an old man like Werner Herzog wouldn’t run after him. However, as he turned at the corner and onto the street leading to the backlot, he saw Werner giving chase. To make matters worse, he saw the old man grab an enormous gaffi stick from one of the props men.

“Give that baby back or I’ll kill you!”

“OH SHIT!!!” Bill exclaimed, realizing that his very life was now in jeopardy. 

Unknown to the comedian, as he rushed into the backlot, the shooting of the Nevarro skirmish scene had already commenced. There was a loud pop as a Stormtrooper shot a blaster right at him.

“Hey!” he yelled, cradling the Child protectively. “I gotta kid here!”

Rather than calling “Cut!”, from his director’s chair, Taika called out, “Hey, Bill! Fire back, man! You’re being attacked by my Stormtroopers!”

“WHAT?”

Taika made shooting gestures with both hands. “Pew pew!”

Rolling his eyes, Bill did as he was told, running straight down the center of the backlot while “Pew pew-ing” every extra that got into his path. At one point, there was an explosion at his left, so that he dodged to the side. Werner was relentless though. He followed the comedian in small, but swift strides, waving the gaffi stick menacingly in the air. Through it all, the Child crooked under Bill’s arm laughed and squealed.

At that moment, Pedro took his cue to step outside of the building to confront Moff Gideon’s troops. Great was his shock when he saw Bill hurrying toward him, baby in tow, and with a rampaging German director behind him. 

Bill even raised the baby high up in the air and cried, “I got the kid!”

In his fright to get away from Werner, Bill didn’t notice the large rock sticking out of the dirt.  Suddenly,  he tripped on the rock and the Child flew out of his hands. Grogu spread out his little arms and screamed, “Wheeeeeeee!”

Gasping, Pedro leaped up high, his arms stretched out in front of him. That sudden movement caused the helmet to slip from his head. As his body started to fall, he caught the Child easily and hugged him protectively as they hit the ground. 

“Are you okay, Grogu?” Pedro asked the Child worriedly, but the baby only laughed and flapped his arms like a bird, indicating that he wanted more. 

Bill stared at Pedro and Grogu. Dazed as he was, he couldn’t help blurting out, “You two really look like father and son. You have the same pretty brown eyes and…”

Whatever else he was going to say, the comedian never got to finish because a dark shadow loomed over him.

“Evil baby snatcher!” A breathless but visibly tear-filled Werner rapped him on the head with the stick.

“Owwww!” Bill grabbed his head, feeling the growing lump.

Seeing Pedro staring at him, it was Werner’s turn to be flustered. There was no mistaking the tears that fell from his eyes as he stammered, “I’m sorry. I left the Child for just a minute to get snacks for him, but…this baby snatcher…”

Pedro nodded. As Bill looked on, he gaped as the actor entrusted the baby back to the crying director. “Please keep an eye on him, Werner. Okay?”

Werner hugged the struggling baby in his arms. “I will. I promise I will. And I’m so sorry.” 

To the German filmmaker’s shock, Grogu pushed his face when Werner tried to kiss him. Whirling toward Pedro, Grogu reached out to him with his little arms, making desperate whining noises. 

At that very moment, Werner’s face turned pale when he saw the group of puppeteers who had joined the onlookers. This time, all the puppeteers were present and accounted for, having come out of the small building where the scene with the puppet was to be filmed. None of them had their controls. And, yet, the baby was wriggling and crying in his embrace. 

By then, Pedro had already put the helmet back on. Walking toward the struggling Child, he caressed Grogu’s little head. 

“Go with your grandpa, Grogu,” Pedro whispered. “It’ll only be for a little while. We’ll be back together to film a scene before you know it.” Raising his helmet a bit, he kissed Grogu in the spot between his eyes. Werner saw the teardrop hanging from Pedro’s jaw.

“Thank you, Pedro,” Werner could only stammer. “I’ll bring him back once you’re ready to shoot.” He then walked off with a crying Grogu in his arms, heading back for his trailer.

As Pedro helped him to his feet, Bill demanded, “Why did you do that for? I thought you wanted the kid?”

“I did, but…seeing how he chased you...” Pedro then confessed, “…I never realized how much Werner cared for the baby. It isn’t right to take the Child away from him like that.”

At that moment, a very happy Taika called out to him, “Great work, Bill! You got the action sequence I wanted for IG-11 just right. All I have to do is edit you out and I can CGI in the robot with the kid.”

Meanwhile, the members of the 501st Legion were all abuzz at seeing the Child for the first time. An exasperated Jon had the unit directors hand out an additional page of the non-disclosure agreement for them to sign.

When one lady in Stormtrooper armor gushed out, “Oh my God! I just saw a Baby Yoda! I can’t wait to tell my kids!”, Jon ordered Kim Richards, “Have her sign TWO NDAs!”

Hearing Jon’s order, Bill and Pedro laughed. When their laughter subsided, the comedian smiled warmly. “You’re a real nice guy, Pedro. I just hope I could get to work with you and the kid someday, although it doesn’t seem likely after this.”

“Who knows?” Pedro said reassuringly. “Maybe we will still have a need for a sharpshooter like Mayfeld in Season 2.”

“Maybe…” Bill trained his gaze toward Jon who was gathering signed papers. “Hey, Jon! If ever you want me back to work for ya, make sure this guy,” he then pointed to Pedro, “doesn’t have a helmet on.” Grinning at his fellow actor, he said, “I’m gonna call him ‘Brown Eyes’.”

Pedro’s lips curled up in a wry pout. “Next time, please don’t drop the baby!”

Bill crossed his heart and raised his right hand while cupping the lump on his head with his left. “I swear that I will never drop the baby ever again!”

TO BE CONCLUDED

[rambleverse]

Call to Arms

Gideon wakes to a dark room. There will be hours yet until the sun rises again, and the task of the night before robs him of a rested ride. But this is not about a full night’s sleep, or the sun rising on familiar fields: this is not about what aught to be. 

Gideon rises from his bunk, and with a bit of fumbling, lights the last stub of candle at his desk. Flickering below the beeswax lies his only guide: a map stuck together by weeks of Hawks flying--bloodied and tired--to give their home a fighting chance.

Their home.

He gives himself a final turn in a washbasin, rinsing the sleep from his eyes in day old water. He washes in silence, turning thought over thought as he passes the last of the soap over himself:

Fairbreeze and Falconwing may already be gone.

Know now that this path is stained with blood and sacrifice.

A hundred cannot be enough.

Remember that you are of the Light. No more do you trod the path of the normal man.

Am I being sent to help, or sent to die?

But others do not see the sacrifice you make and the burdens you carry.

They will be hungry.

When you are wounded and broken in soul, when your heart bleeds and your strength is fading then remember this: Your path is never easy.

I will not see home again.

Gideon rises, dabbing a rag on his face and corners. He wears his shirt and pants, he goes to the stables. On the horizon torches of the dwarf camp burn just beyond the city. Soup nickers, puts a muzzle to his hand.

“A good brush, wear it well ol’ girl.” he says as he tends her coat with the bristles, and with heavy tack and little complaint they make their way back to the barracks. Tying her to post he catches a glimpse at the sky--a blue-and-black bruise so cloudy it smudges out the last of the straggling stars.

Inside the barracks the elves bustle. A few look at him, maybe one nods. The decision to break the news yesterday was not his, could never have been his, but tying his own armor about himself he notices his clamor sounds similar enough. He takes his sword, his shield, and-

He stares at the foot locker.

But when the burden you carry causes you to stumble do not forget you are never alone. In your allies seek out their strength.

Reverently taking the bundle inside, he feels the glow beneath the shawl wrapped and double-wrapped in silk and canvas.

Together they gather in the field before the barracks, alone for the morning brief. Gideon closes his eyes, taking in a deep gulp of air before nudging Soup at her sides. His soldiers are impeccable. As immaculate as any of the Sunguard’s finest. They stand ready, rigid, and perfect. The thought makes him shift in his seat. Beneath those visors are thoughts unsaid since the rest of the battalion marched days ago. Like those passed between bunks the night before--passed his own mind as he glances to the gilded helm tied behind him.

For it is when you are weakened that others will try to tempt you off the righteous path.

“I know this is not what you expected” his own voice surprises him. Too soft, maybe-definitely too soft-

Alone in a field-miles from home. 

“We will not be joining the rest of the van. Instead, on orders from the Knight-Commander, we are to-” the word fails to come to mind.

Rally. Rally. Why couldn’t the word just be rally, why couldn’t it just-why can’t it just be Common. 

He feels the air catch in his chest. Gideon Greatmantle sits silently on his horse, the hundred elves before him locked like statues as his hand flexes on the reins. His eyes dart to his helmet. He could hide his face, his humanity. He could pretend all he like to be like them--perfect and ready--maybe in an impossible hundred, three-hundred years he might fit the part.But not now not here not for them, he can’t-he can’t-and off the helmet

A glimmer. Like fine silver ink:it traces the edge of the metal. He turns.

On the horizon beneath a wreath of purple and orange the keenest edge of sunlight rises over the trees to the east. 

He rises a fist to his chest. Routine, drilled, practiced pretending to be something perfect: all this and more brings hand to heart. The Sunguard salute the rising sun-and there below the line of white gold stand his perfect elves.

They do not turn, they do not see the sun behind them; yet they salute. As one stiff sweep they bring their hands to their chest. Whatever brings them to do so, it is not the sun-not Belore. But then...?

Then he finds the words.

“I am not an elf.”

“If I could say it better I would-if I could say it clearer, if so many things were different--I would still be south with the friends I buried there.”

“I would be with family and you with yours, your land--it might breathe again after what the Legion’s done. I could grieve, and you-you would have time for wheat, for houses, for parties and babies.”

“And if I must I would be here only after years of practice, patience, and study. I would lead you after years of wisdom cut from battle. I would give you every edge and do so with gray hair, clear heart and mind.”

”But I cannot be an elf, or wise, or honored--” 

“But I want to help.”

The word comes to him: Conviction.

And as the sun rises behind his perfect elves in gold and red, Gideon feels the task rise up from the ground. 

“Sunspear!”

The hundred call, “Ho!”

“Today from every shore the Alliance rides the many roads to Silvermoon. I know as well as you what lies along the way--who and what they will find--your farms, your homes, your mothers and your fathers. They will cover every inch they can to sharpen their blades, against the grain of your own blood, for their final push against your heart.

But we ride to make sure the roads are not so easy! While the Serdar and his legion march against the Alliance van, we will go to every little nook and hamlet, so that when the Alliance knocks, they do so at an arm’s length. We will harrow lines, train, dig, and scheme to ensure that when the sun rises again your kingdom will still be yours.

The Alliance thinks to make their edge sharp against us, but we will show them what happens when the grain is pressed too hard! We will send them back nicked, chipped, and brittle-so that when the Serdar’s shield meets them in battle they will snap like wicker!

So will you ride with me alone? Will you ride just beyond the edge, to save your kith and kin? Will you give your people what may be their only chance to see this war through, to breathe, to live? Or will you stay here, complaining that you would have had to follow a human who dared do what you would not?

If so, I could tell you of what it means to have no home instead.”

Gideon sits atop his horse, taking his helmet and hoisting it to the sky.

“Will you ride?” he shouts. The elves, raising swords before the rising sun, cheer back, “Ho!”

“For home!” 

“For home!”

“For hearth!”

For hearth!”

FOR QUEL’THALAS!

prayer source from Tyleril Silversword

[lotrewrite]

LOT Chat Recap

So the chat went very well! I have grouped the subjects into thematic categories for everyone's ease.

A few up-front things for everyone:

Scheduling

Everyone will have two more weeks to revise their drafts or send in comments. Writers, please send me the edits you want me to make to your episode outline, which will be posted to the outline doc; you can also start drafting your final episode. If writers have any further questions about your episode, send in submissions or asks and they can be discussed by the group on this page; I am also always available to talk by messenger. Readers, please send in your comments and questions on episodes. I will be posting "let's talk about these three episodes" posts every day for the next week so that people can submit specific comments about those episodes if they have any additional comments to make.

We will have another chat on Saturday June 24 at 1PM EST (unless people prefer a different time)

Fully written episodes will then be due on Friday, July 28.  We will then have two weeks of editing and proof-reading, with the goal of posting the complete season to Ao3 by August 15.

Format

As people are welcome to start drafting their episodes ASAP, we need to decide on format. I will post a separate post in regards to this question with a poll.

Recap

Queen B

We're using the "Queen of Bialya with mind control powers" version, with an amulet instead of "pheromones" because it corresponds with Amaya's symbolism-wise; Queen B is from 2016

Motive: she's sensitive about the fact that she's illegitimately in power, which is why she isn't in Bialya

Legends could use in the Roman Republic episode where she's pretending to be a Queen; that’s why she has a feud with Mari, who has been helping undermine her power base by helping prove that she's not legit; she wants the spear so she's legitimately the queen of Bialya, which is why she joins the Legion (also because messing with Amaya will interfere with Mari)

Femme fatale style villain, which would make the scene in episode 16 where instead of seducing/convincing/mind controlling the guard, she just punches him, SO MUCH FUNNIER (like she saunters up, you think she's gonna use her powers, she smiles all seductive - and WHAM)

We need to pump up her role in the various episodes - she can take Merlyn's place as the "person who snarks with Darkh"

Amaya

Needs more development of her plot where she’s thinking about her future and trying to think of whether she should change it or not

Episode 10: Amaya and Queen B fight  - Queen B hints at things, building up Amaya’s curiosity

Episode 13: Queen B has more revelations for Amaya, telling actual facts

Amaya is thinking about changing: the destruction of her village and the fact that Mari grows up in the foster care system

That means we can have her start to angst about changing things in the Tudor episode (14) and New York (15); maybe a scene in 14 where she does research about her future secretly and then in 15 more debate about changing it, with the events of 15 inspiring her not to change it

that way we have a 5-part arc for Amaya about it

and her later confrontations with Queen B in 18 and in Doomworld work stronger because of it because Queen B’s taunts don’t  work as well any more

Compass

They pick it up in Episode 8 from Constantine in return for helping with the Crusade; Lily gets brought in to use her micro-tech knowledge to amp it up but really because Stein wants her around, but otherwise I think we can limit the references to it to "so Gideon says the compass goes to Y time period" – but it should be referenced consistently after Episode 8

Lily first appears in Episode 7 just like in canon, possible reference to present day Clarissa

Lily first gets picked up in episode 15, and ends up having her fight with Stein about him hiding her aberration status in episode 15 so that 16 starts with them still fighting; she can just be brought in as an "expert" in technology to help calibrate the compass, not because she’s an aberration – Rip can reveal it to her because he’s a Time Master and objects

Relationship with Stein: he’s still a workaholic, tries to over-interfere with her academics, distant but proud of her accomplishments and they bonded over their intelligence, he’s a good mentor figure; she’s pissed off that he didn't tell her about the aberration thing - it makes her feel like he didn't trust her, and she presumably had to fight HARD to get to a position of academic achievement where she felt he respected her instead of humoring her because she's his beloved daughter; a case of "daddy knows best" when it comes to the aberration issues. And she can be like "this is just like when you came to my dissertation defense!" It also explains why she forgives him in episode 16: she's kind of used to him being a bit of an oblivious tactless dumbass

Oculus – Spear

The Oculus' destruction and the scattering of the spear pieces are somehow connected – they were using the spear to power the Oculus; when it exploded, they scattered

as a Time Master, Rip knows where to find them – the piece he finds in the time loop with the 81 people is one of the pieces from the Oculus; the pieces want to get back together and are powered up by one of them being used

they don’t whisper and cannot be used to guide to each other – they don’t work by “wishes” per se, they just allow people to make changes to the timeline (good luck in succeeding in changing history to your will); only the spear together can you “wish” a new world into existence

The spear pieces weren’t “always there” – they were scattered there

Re-work the pilot so that the piece Rip gets is from the Oculus and maybe we can scatter the information that they had been powering the Oculus with the spear into episode 4 (Eo's explanation) and episode 8 (Constantine can do a bit of an info dump, he's a magical character)

Len

Len ends up just hovering in the background in a lot of the episodes and he never seems to get any lines that talk about his bitterness/resentment, so we need to use him more.

He is connected to the Oculus and that's why putting the spear back together = we see him more

Len’s appearance guide:

First few episodes, we have ONLY "visuals" of Len, just momentary glimpses, through episode 5, but nothing more - no comments, just blink-and-he's-gone.

Episode 3 is our first appearance of blink-and-miss-him - thematically appropriate since we're also bringing in Amaya

More blink-and-miss appearance in the next two episodes

We have the "funeral" episode as the turning point between “blink and gone” and “talking” next episode

Then in episode 6 we have our first appear-and-talk Len, the big moment where Mick is taken aback and is surprise (like in canon, where Mick has to give a gruff "You're not real"). But at that point, he's still only showing up briefly.

Len starts showing up more as the episodes go by; episode 6 through 10 we have him saying things TO Mick and Mick trying (and failing) to ignore him

Episode 10 being the episode where he's talking enough with Mick that the others notice

Episode 11 they test Mick for hallucinations, but Len's still there

Episode 12 Len doesn't do much, but the audience finds out he's real

Then from episode 13 to 16, Len should really be written as a full member of the cast just one that no one else can hear but Mick.

In Episode 14 L!Len steals the piece while O!Len is around, which is when O!Len realizes for the first time that Legion!Len is around; we could have a scene with O!Len asking Gideon "WTF was that"

NOTE: once Len is a full cast member, he can have scenes by himself, he doesn't always have to be tied to Mick or to another cast member, but before that, when he's just a hallucination, he shouldn't appear solo

Episode 16, he argues with Mick and leaves to go with the Legion!Len, who he discovers can also see him

Episode 17 is the episode where he helps Legion!Len fight the Legion

Episode 18 O!Len comes back and re-joins Mick's side, but isn't able to convince him not to go with Legion!Len in episode 19

Episode 20, Mick discovers Len is real

Episode 22, everyone else does and Len gets resurrected

Bambi

Decision made that Bambi survives; Pan will fix the details

Because Bambi survive in episode 2, there will be a line in the very end of the finale, when they crash land in LA and there are dinos there, just as the scene is fading to black we get a Ray voice-over going "wait...Bambi?!"

because that would be A, hilarious and B, a good tie-in to show that time is broken and they didn't land in a different part of the multiverse

Pencil

It's a convenient device that Nate would have around that the audience won't immediately go "ah-ha! mysterious item gets mentioned! will be important!"; him waving around the pencil in the pilot is a nice, easy way to bring it into the audience's view - but not emphasize it

It's his "lucky" pencil that he only uses for important exams; think of the kid who has a pencil box where he lovingly keeps that ONE PENCIL that he passed a test with and he uses it ONLY for tests

Nate inadvertently creates his own closed time loop: the spear is scattered through time and appears in Nate’s possession, which he thinks is a gift from his grandfather – it immunizes him from the changes in time (Nate tells his grandfather "you gave me your lucky pencil"; his grandfather who does not' have a lucky pencil gets weird about it then grabs a random pencil from the mission ( the spear piece) and gives that to young!Nate thereby completing the circle)

The JSA is there on a legitimate mission that is being messed up by the spear piece being there but since they're IN the time period, they don't realizes it's being messed with; the Legends, however, realize something is wrong and figure out that those weird glowing sticks might be involved and go looking but also try to help fix the original mission, which they mess up and show how unprofessional they are; however, in the end, they manage to help the JSA complete their mission and in the process, Henry grabs the spear piece he doesn't know it's a spear piece because the legends never shared that info

He takes the pencil because Nate told him he gave him his lucky pencil and Henry didn't have one but he doesn't want to disappoint his grandson so he picks one up going "this is a good memento of a really weird mission" and the Legends realize that that's how Nate got the spear piece in the first place it plays on the nature of time travel

the pencil is a closed time loop - it's a really nice way to play with time travel without being too cliche - it's the "being your own grandfather" trope but funny

the fact that we have two "time loops" in the early episodes - but not really in the later ones - could be a symptom of the timeline freeing itself from the "set" history of the Time Masters

which would be really cool thematically, with the Legends being set up by their various experiences in season 2 to actually start /deliberately changing history/ in season 3

Nate

Nate's hemophilia resolved with Gideon just saving his life, but doesn't fix his hemophilia

would be really funny to have Nate cameo in Doomworld by literally doing the same thing he does in the pilot - breaking into the mayor's office and babbling about history something. except this time it's Darkh;  but then darhk would kill him, but it'd be undone by the end of Doomworld

Ray breaking his suit

The full sequence is episode 6 (damage) episode 7 (overshadowed by Invasion) episode 8 (breaks) episode 9 (unsuccessful repair; acknowledge that he won’t be able to use it) episode 10 (can't use it all; trying new personas).

Because it's his screwing up in episode 6 that causes it, but it doesn't fully break it. and he's not a big player using his suit in Invasion, which we're mostly leaving alone

In Episode 9, he’s trying to put the suit back together but has only gotten parts of it to work; he shrinks due to an error and is worried he won’t be able to get big again – should have a moment at the end of the episode where Ray acknowledges he won’t fix it any time soon and realizing he needs to try to be a hero in a different way to set up the episode 10 montage

Ray montage

in terms of visuals, the scene should probably focus on Ray in the center, with whoever commenting doing so from off-screen

Ray tries to give himself powers; "I'm going to Captain America myself" "Remember how that went for Bruce Banner?" - a good way to point out that the Marvel universe are comics in DC

dress him in the GL outfit and he's explaining to someone that "so it'll be based around this ring -" "won't work"

dress him as the Blue Beetle for a second before he goes "naaaaah" 

booster gold and Gideon advises against

We should have him in a superman costume at one point but with no "s" and he's saying "I dunno, maybe if something went in the middle?" (that is also a Powergirl reference - the superman outfit but the "s" was a chest-window or the "atom" LOT symbol, and then you have someone (Jax?) off-screen going "no, man, no")

possibly one piece outfit, Naruto outfit - Mick offscreen just goes "NO, haircut"

Vikings

Jax says Stein is his dad, possibly a mentor instead? Or a specific reference to multi-cultural Vikings

the changing vs. preserving history argument

They are split up as sara, ray, amaya for preserve and mick, jax, stein for change, but by the end of episode 13, it ends up as mick, jax, stein, amaya vs. sara, ray, rip once rip's brainwashing is removed and amaya hears about her future from queen b

Cameos

Jason Blood in the background for a few episodes

I think the references to Poison Ivy not returning their calls and then having a discussion of Poison Ivy in Doomworld worked really well using Kendra three times was also really great

the Lanterns should also be foreshadowed more, if they're going to appear (one reference to the Lanterns in our rewritten Invasion, so if we have maybe one more somewhere, it'd be enough)

References to the other rogues: both in the future and mick, len, and lisa talking about them

Need to fill in reference in filler episode (Selina Kyle? Someone else?)

Trauma

Should have some scenes dealing with the trauma Ray went through while surviving in the cretaceous period and dealing with the effects Rip's brainwashing had - both characters would try to deny it, powering through until they break (Ray when his suit breaks for good in episode 10 - he mentions that he feels empty without his suit and all alone like he did in the Cretaceous period)

Rip and Mick should definitely have a moment to discuss brainwashing, if possible

Ray's suit is some symbolism for his psychological journey

Episode 3

Possible move to D Day or using the 1942 occupation of the south of France because of the Allied invasion of Morocco

Episode 10

Stein goes undercover as a Brit as well, and that's how they find out that the Legion are influencing the Brits; That way he gets stuck on the British ship and can't form Firestorm until the climatic battle moment

episode 8

Zatanna and Madame Xanadu should appear briefly in the beginning (wild goose chase montage when they’re trying to hire someone other than Constantine)

The organization should be 1, Rip being chased; 2, intro sequence; 3, Constantine sequence with Zed getting the vision; 4, they go after Rip and I think 4, the feudal Japan sequence, should be longer, with more chasing and action sequences, as well as a scene where the Legends lose Rip to the Legion because Ray’s suit breaks and where Rip thinks Eobard is friendly before realizing he’s not;

needs a scene where the Legends return to Constantine and he offers them the compass in exchange for help with the Crusade, THEN intersperse the Rip interrogation with the Legends defeating the Crusade

[robininthelabyrinth]

Legends of Tomorrow Rewrite Recap

So we had some brainstorming sessions to discuss what people might want to see from a re-write of season 2, both in terms of overall plot, specific suggestions, character arcs, new characters, new timelines, etc.

I know not everyone managed to make it, so here's the recap of what we discussed, boiled down a bit. Even if you didn't make it to a brainstorming session (or if you did and have thought of something else to add), feel free to reblog with additional suggestions or comments! The more comments, the better!

If people really want to, we can maybe do another brainstorming session tomorrow at a convenient time. Let me know!

I'm going to try to @ everyone who was there but...there were a lot and not all the names I was sure about for tumblr. so I'm going to miss people. Sorry!

@kickingshoes @daughterofscotland @delkios @pretzel-log1c @prouvairablehulk @pedestrianfootbridge @lacommunarde @agentmarymargaretskitz @hotforcaptaincold @hippothebrave @airydoorway @marywisdom @wacheypena @rubylis @pansexualfandomqueen @sanctuaryforalluniverses @cyberdigital @drownedinlight @cyberdigioriginal @its-like-looking-in-3d @screaming-towards-apotheosis

Recap under the cut:

Overarching plot: • Keep the spear plot, but make it good – just make it make sense and with consistent characters • Throw out the JSA, have the fragments show up earlier – the Legends don’t know what they are, just that they cause anomalies, but later they figure it out and have to race for the pieces • Keep invasion • Keep things gen with shipping “moments” for assorted ships so everyone can have fun • Plot theme: last season was destiny v free will; this season: free will and consequences • Emotional arcs: team bonding over their grief, team deciding that free will DOES trump fate and developing their own view of the timeline (what has to stay, what doesn’t) not just accepting Rip’s policy of non-interference, all the characters becoming less arrogant and realizing they can trust and rely each other resulting in team bonding and mutual reliance • Legion: comes together earlier, but as the team’s trust in each other grows the Legion’s distrust in each other is their downfall in the end (i.e. possible Mick betrayal but the team gives him the benefit of the doubt, thereby being able to work together to defeat the Legion which is destroyed when they each try to stab each other in the back for the spear)

Suggestions for plot/episodes: • Intro: once the Legends are scattered throughout time, one of them bumps into one of Kendra’s past selves and tells her the story, causing present!Kendra to remember it and go to tell Oliver; she meets Nate while she is there and the two of them go to rescue Mick from the sea (bridge from previous season) • Rip gets brainwashed and he is the one who directs the Legion to go get Len because he knows it would cause the Legends grief • More episodes with the Legion to learn more about the bad guys – let them be scarier and also take advantage of their humor; swap out Merlyn for female Legion of Doom member • Episode where the team has a moment to honor their dead (plot of the week related: Day of the Dead, Viking funerals, etc.), moment for them all to think about all the people they’ve lost – impromptu funeral/remembrance for Len • Possible experimental episodes (other POVs, time travel loops, etc.) • NO “time travelers inspire historical person to do a thing” episodes • Explanation of what happened with Rex Tyler, how he was sent back by Mick, have them look him up historically before going back to 1942 so they can deal with him appropriately • Utilize all the characters’ abilities (Ray as a businessman, Mick remembering Kronos and using his abilities as a thief for good, Jax’s skills at impromptu planning from being a quarterback, etc.) • New characters are told about Len and Kendra • Characters ask for information when reasonable (Gideon for facts, ask Constantine magic-related questions, ask Team Flash when they discover they’re dealing with a speedster – fine to have Flash team go “man, we have SO MANY speedsters, hard to really tell” in response, but they should ask); more interactions with characters from the rest of the DCTV-verse • More focus on the team as a team – group planning, disagreements on decisions, etc. instead of a captain dictatorially giving orders to their crew • More Easter egg references (Wonder Woman in WWII, Jason Blood in Camelot, Bat-fam in Gotham, etc.) even if the characters don’t show up • Actual confirmation, repeatedly, that Sara is bisexual, that Len is queer/pan, etc. • Multiple people as pilots/having skills used on the team

Individual Character Arcs: LEN: • Possible plot: If we keep hallucination Len, he should start earlier – possibly have that be Oculus!Len uanble to fully manifest, but Mick can see him for reasons relating to his time at the Vanishing Point or otherwise • Possible plot: 2014!Len is initially willing to join the Legion but eventually they cross a line and he refuses, leading to a Legion v Len standoff that they win, resulting in his brainwashing and eventual hard turn against the main cast • Possible plot: Oculus!Len vs. past!brainwashed!Len fight • Possible plot: trying to come back from the Oculus and from brainwashing (mirror Rip’s arc, Kronos’ season 1 arc); possibly needs to be put together from various pieces scattered through timeline • Suggestion: Have an actual funeral for Len; Lisa is actually told • Suggestion: gets carried by Mick at one point

MICK: • Still depressed, but the team sympathizes with his grief – he keeps others at a distance • Hallucinations highlight actual mental health issues he has – more references to his pyromania actually being a mental illness • Still gets a pet rat; uses his skills (fire, theft, Kronos, etc.); acts as the battle pilot of the ship • Possible arc: recovery from the events of season 1 (Kronos, Len); starts off distancing people but comes to open up/rely on others who are emotionally supportive of him; regaining his self-confidence and pride in his skills and sense of self; bonding with the team • Actually develops friendships with Ray, Sara, Amaya, etc. that persist across multiple episodes • Initially antagonistic with Rip and Stein, who are dismissive of him; eventually get over it

SARA: • Continues to sleep through history, both men and women; explicitly referenced as bisexual • Grief over Laurel is balanced against the burden of her new responsibility as Captain – balancing her instincts as a stand-alone hero vs. a team • Conflict between her duties vs. her desires (desire to kill Darkh and eventual decision not to actually makes sense and seems like she’s thought about it; NOT suddenly fanatical for the timeline) – develops a nuanced analysis over time • Arc: bond with team, recover from grief, struggle with how she feels about the timeline and modifications thereof, dealing with the burdens of stepping up to be captain of a team instead of following her own interests by herself • we can have Sara save Laurel, but then have to deal with the consequences and fallout, potentially kick-starting season plot points (trading spear pieces? Causing bad changes in history and innocent people die? Moral debate as to when you can bring someone back?); possibly Laurel is doomed to die sometime after in a worse way – is it worth bringing her back for that other death? Is it selfish? Sara actually struggling with this

LAUREL: • Some are in favor of bringing her back, others aren’t • If she comes back: gets dropped off elsewhere (Bludhaven? Possibly Earth-2?) to prevent paradox because bringing her back right away would cause a time quake • Need to figure out her role insofar as she’s coming back

JAX: • Arc: Growing up, more independence, confidence in himself and asserting his boundaries against the team, possibly a romance for an episode • More episodes not related to his race, all the brotps, possibly flirting with Lily Stein, more mechanic stuff, possibly a 21st birthday celebration

STEIN: • Arc: Needs to stop assuming his degree means he’s better, learning humility, academic learning isn’t everything, being helpless, compassion, ability to rely on people in the team • Stein's arc is learning humility, compassion, academia isn't everything, learning to rely on other people; learning to trust other people's forms of intelligence • Suggestions: crashes the ship when he tries to fly; more about Lily, more about Clarissa, with who they are as people - gets some perspective, gets his privileges checked; possible amnesia episode/overthinking episode; • Initially antagonistic with Mick but eventually they get over it and Stein actually apologizes • play up Stein being an ass earlier on, only for him to have a 'fall' and have to learn by season end • Possibly Lily as part of Stein’s arc: something in which he can’t help her but someone else can in part because they have a totally different set of skills

RAY: • Better partnership with Mick, bonding over losing a loved one • Arc: learning that he doesn’t have to change himself to be a hero; Lose the suit for a while and get to be the hero without it – uses other skills (science, business); realizes he doesn’t need it to be awesome; he can be the researcher while the suit is down; growing up and becoming less arrogant about knowing everything learning listen to other people instead of walking over them (privilege check); Ray trying out new “personas” – cold gun, etc. – and none of them fitting right • Comes to terms with the fact that he likes the idea of being a hero more than reality; he needs to learn the difference between what will help people and doing what HE thinks will help people • More competence, more geeking out • More Ray v Gertrude, people being impressed by Ray surviving in Dinotopia with nothing but boy scout experience   RIP: • Arc: Finding out who he is now that time masters are gone – discovering what they taught him were lies – not being the one with all the answers anymore; figure out what he wants • Interactions with other Time Masters that act just like him; bounty hunters, etc. – facing up to terrible things he did that he thought were just normal adjustments • Rip doesn’t know about the spear in full because Time Masters were secretive/part of his story arc of not knowing everything – makes finding the compass more important • Recovering from long-term indoctrination – bonding with Sara over her time in the League; dealing with losing his family, starts off antagonistic but eventually bonding with Mick • Has to actually deal with being brainwashing – repercussions, actual emotional trauma about what he did (i.e. leading them to Len, hurting the team), etc. – him going from being disdainful of Mick, realizing that what happened to Mick was actually really awful, bonding with Mick about it • Learning to be a team player instead of in charge – in season 1, he treated everyone like lackeys, in season 2, he was saying he wasn't a time master anymore but still acting like one • New role with team: advisor, researcher, possibly navigator, guide to future; Should still go on walkabout at the end – needs to find himself; Possible lead-up to season 3 arc of becoming guide to all the lost time masters who maybe didn't know they were manipulated, like he didn't • Rip's arc: who is he without the time masters, learning that what he knew was lies and starting from scratch, being willing to try new things/learning to listen to and rely on others/team player

AMAYA: • Actually forms friendships with the team – Mick, Sara, etc. – no romance subplot; gets to grieve Rex • Actually from the 1940s colonized Africa; impressed by some modern tech but not all • Keep intro: Eobard kills Rex before he can go back to warn them, she goes onto ship and attacks Mick, but have the team call her out on that ALSO keeps the revenge motivation throughout • Arc: black and white morality goes to gray; less mission-oriented, goes from teammates to friends; could tie in with learning about colonization – less condescending about people doing things differently from her • Arc: recovery from grief, black/white morality to gray (learning nuance), learning to be friends not just teammates, learning to listen to others with different styles • She can be a historian instead of Nate if his role is reduced, based on her experience with the oral traditions of her village and having to learn British and American history to fit in better with the JSA – upon her return, becomes a historian/anti-colonialization activist

NATE: • Appears as a guest star for several episodes (the start, then maybe recurs later) – history grad student who was sheltered growing up who dreams of being a superhero, only to realize he actually prefers his life as a historian instead  • Keeps his hemophilia but is heroic despite it • He was a history grad student working on his PHD – he has a piece of the spear and is therefore aware when history changes and is SUPER PISSED OFF because he has to re-write his whole thesis because history is different now, which is like a laptop wipe but worse; he is the ONLY person who remembers his thesis used to be ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE (history based on his grandfather who he idolizes so he KNOWS it’s wrong)

KENDRA: • They get scattered to the past, one of them finds an older version of Kendra and explains the situation, Kendra in the future remembers, she goes to tell Oliver (possibly meeting Nate there) and vouches for Mick and others – Oliver remembers her from the joint intro episode; sets up the crossover interactions • Possibly recurs again, possibly they meet a past version of her

LISA: • Comes on for an episode or two, possibly only marginally related to Len (end of her episode: find something of Len to indicate that he’s scattered through time?) • Could be brought in during Invasion and stays on board for an episode OR gets picked up for a job then gets dropped off during the Invasion episode • Picked up for a Lisa-specific skill like ice skating or theft

Suggested new characters: • More Jonah Hex • Jason Blood in Camelot • Constantine • Zatara • Dr Fate (helmet in Constantine’s place) • Booster Gold (possibly just references to him repeatedly) • Future versions of Flash characters • Endless – possibly with characters meeting them but not realizing what they just met • Mentions of Batfamily • La Maupin • For an episode set in the future: meeting the group that is Commander Cold, Mirror Monarch, etc. and seeing Mick’s reaction

Suggested new time periods: • Keep Chicago and American Revolution • Pirate episode – Ray loves pirates, Mick loves ninjas, they bitch at each other about it; possibly Ching Shih or at least Anne Bonny • Japanese Feudal era (ninjas) but better – address issues with language (kakopumpkin) • Camelot but better • Tudors – Kit Marlow • Stonewall episode • Great Fire of London or Paris Commune or Library of Alexandria – possibly Mick has to re-start • Vikings • Aztecs but not horribly stereotypical • Past of Amaya’s village, Ibn Battuta • World’s Fair • Boxer Rebellion, Marco Polo • More in 20s/30s – mobsters, flappers, Eleanor Roosevelt • More in the future • Ancient Roman Republic (ancient Greece/Atlantis) • Nicola Tesla • WWII – possibly Rommel instead? Or Japanese front? • Six Day War/Raid on Entebbe episode • Austro-Prussian war – Luxembourg sending 80, returning with 81 • Red Scare episode? • Something in Latin America • Ottoman empire? • Crusades but fighting alongside Saladin or against the Fourth Crusade • New Zealand stuff • Episode with Jax going out drinking for 21 birthday and everyone else having to explain why they wrecked the ship, flashbacks to them being attacked Alien style, but it turns out it was just the rat which accidentally got into some of Ray’s shrink/grow tech (based on JLI episode?)

[lotrewrite]

Well, here’s my comments! Feel free to message me with any questions or for clarification of anything

Overall, this is really solid you guys. 

The biggest issue is just fleshing some of the episodes out a bit. Character arcs are nicely done and the character stuff is spread out surprisingly well. In general, I think there’s a little more focus on Mick and Len than the others, and Amaya could probably be given a slightly larger role, but overall I’m impressed. Writing a team and giving them all equal focus is really hard. I’m so excited this is already so good

(Also like three of these episodes are set in times/places related to special interests I’ve had over the years so if I start getting caught up in historical details that’s why)

I haven’t looked at other people’s feedback yet, cause I didn’t want to be influenced so sorry if I’m just repeating stuff

LOTREWRITE: Yay, more comments! Sorry about the delay in posting these, all!

Episode 1:

-          I love the opening sequence with Kendra A+

-          How has Nate’s pencil lasted so long? It has to be at least 20 years old, right? A pen might be more plausible but have the same basic narrative effect. If you’re keeping the dog tags bit from the original though it might be best to cut it the reference to it being from his grandfather entirely or have it be a replica or something. Best to focus on a single sentimental object.

-          The banter is flawless and in character. Nice!

-          Thawne’s explanation is a bit of an infodump. That’s gonna need to be reworked into more of a dialogue, at the very least. It would probably be better to show it somehow. Maybe show the Black Flash appearing a few seconds after Thawne leaves, then disappearing just as quickly? Darhk can research it on his own and then explain it to someone later, for those viewers who aren’t familiar with the concept from The Flash.

-          “Damien Darhk?” Stein asks. “As in –” “The man who murdered your sister,” Rip says. I assume we’re talking about Laurel, but this makes it sound like Darhk murdered Stein’s sister.

-          “I never did” Talk about OUCH. This is amazing.

Episode 2

-          Some clarification on when and where “the infirmary” is would be good, as well as what Jax and Stein’s history here is, but I figure that will be added as this is fleshed out

-          Same with “decision makers”

-          I vote yes on “not drinking and driving” quip that’s excellent

-          Bambi is adorable

-          Make sure when you’re researching the crusades to look at things from multiple perspectives. This seems like it could very easily fall into a very generic “Good Christians” vs “Evil non-Christians” crusade narrative and that’s… less than ideal. There was a lot of politics surrounding the crusades, even if you’re just focusing on the Christians. That might also help provide a motive for your dissenter? Someone who thinks these soldiers should be back at home looking after things there instead of invading a foreign nation to secure power and riches for the church? Someone who’s been convinced that the crusaders have no divine right to this land and that they should leave it to the people who actually live there? Could maybe be a place to start setting up some doing what’s “right” vs doing what’s supposed to happen conflict? This is obviously just an outline so maybe you’re already planning something like that but I figured I’d mention it

-          I’m a fan of Bambi not dying

-          I love Firestorm as an angel that’s an amazing idea in so many ways A++++

-          Mick roasting a T-Rex with his gun heck yeah

Episode 3:

-          I love Sara’s canary pendant

-          Continuity issue: in episode 1, Mick punches Rex and that’s about the extent of their interaction. Not much of a basis for the trust he seems to be showing in this ep.

LOTREWRITE: Possibly we could make it more explicit that Rex noticed that the bomb the JSA were tracking was discharged harmlessly after Mick said he went after it, thus the trust?

-          Yay for bi Sara!

-          The Sara and Amaya scene sounds like it’s gonna be so cute

-          Ray’s speech to Nate about heroism is really solid

-          I see now why it’s a pencil, but I’m still not loving the idea. Does it just magically never get not sharpened? Has Nate never noticed? Does he sharpen it and lose tiny fragments of the spear every time? Am I being too nitpicky?

-          Love the mention of non-fighting military personnel 

-          Mick is starting to feel like he’s taking over the story a little too much here maybe, especially considering that he’s been the most major character in the previous episodes as well, while Jax and Stein seem almost nonexistent. Nate could probably have a little more prominence given that this is his big reveal episode.

Episode 4

-          Might want to give a quick rundown of some basics about Chernobyl in the finished episode for audiences unfamiliar with the history. I had to look it up because I thought it happened years later and was very confused.

-          Give some reason for why Stein’s actions were changed from the original timeline. Is Darhk’s presence there already changing things?

-          What do you mean by Jax can “safely detonate” the bomb? Is there some reason he and Stein can’t Firestorm up and transfigure it? I don’t recall Jax being a particular expert in bombs previous to this.

-          The Stein and Clarissa storyline is very very good

-          Sara and Mick (not) talking about their shared grief Thank You

-          Sara seems rather quick to trust Eobard. She knows it’s a speedster who killed Rex, right? Nevermind. She still seems very quick to trust for a former assassin.

-          Maybe avoid Eobard villain monologuing? He has no reason to.

-          Doesn’t the Black Flash only come after the speedsters, not anyone whose death is changed by time travel? iirc, both Cisco and Barry’s mother were brought back to life by Barry changing the timeline at one time or another and neither were targeted. There may be extenuating circumstances I’m forgetting though…

-          Sara and Laurel’s storyline is really touching and sweet

-          LISA!!!!!!

Episode 5

-          I’m loving the mix of historically accurate costumes and especially Mick

-          Crew interacting with Vikings is great and in character

-          Jax and Gunlød’s relationship is really cute

-          The funeral for Len and the others they’ve lost is fantastic

Episode 6

-          Eobard and Darhk banter already sounds like it’s gonna be great

-          How’s Lisa getting in? nevermind, that’s answered

-          The image of Len doing anything “emphatically” is kinda cracking me up. A look or something would probably be more in character.

-          Vampiric octopuses omg please have a flashback here

-          Building of tension for the break-in is excellently done. A bit cliché, but in a good way.

-          Lisa’s fury is great.

Episode 7:

-          Oa?

-          Independence Day banter is really fun

-          Lisa/Cisco scene is YES

-          “justified” I see what you did there

Episode 8:

-          Remember to introduce Constantine etc to audiences who might not be familiar with them

-          Are you going to show Mick vanishing or just have him suddenly no longer be there? Related: does he leave and then get beaten up or get taken out while with the rest of them? Does the audience know he’s telling the truth or will there be some room for them to wonder?

-          HARLEY/IVY YESSSSS

-          I’m assuming Booster is Booster Gold, yes? Do we get him in this season?! Okay coming back, we don’t. It’s a nice shoutout for those who know, but the prominence it’s given implies it will be relevant.

-          Clarify who Resurrection Crusade are

Episode 9:

-          Sara’s disguise for the Christmas party isn’t specified

-          This might be an issue with the original version of the episode as well, but the colonies were in open rebellion against the British crown and GW probably wouldn’t expect honorable treatment or a prisoner exchange if captured. He was openly committing treason in the eyes of the British army.

-          Ray navigating with one boot is hilarious and wonderful

-          Would soldiers from the pre-telephone era be able to adjust well enough in one night to work with a comm? Guns they at least have experience with. Tiny devices that let them talk to each other through long distances might be a bit pushing it. Or I might be getting too nitpicky.

-          The whole massacre plot needs some work tbh. How does Jax and Amaya knocking out a total of three soldiers stop a full massacre? How many were there? How did the soldiers feel about it? Sneak attacks on innocent (white) civilians weren’t really a common part of warfare at the time. Some or all of the villagers would have supported the British or at least pretended to. Not to mention the British soldiers were probably occupying the nearest village. Village sounds really feudal I’m thinking town might be more appropriate okay I’m definitely getting too nitpicky

-          End scene is great

Episode 10:

-          Ray’s pirate persona is gold

-          Why do they ask Jax for his name first? (or do they?)

-          Foreshadowing Rip joining the other side? Neat

-          Looks like this just needs more details for the climactic battle then you’ll be good

Episode 11:

-          The opening is so good

-          Adorable engineering duo yes good

-          So does the Greenpeace member know about the explosion? How?

-          This episode feels a bit short? It’s focused on a single plot that gets resolved relatively straightforwardly. Maybe add subplot(s) and/or throw a wrench in things somewhere?

Episode 12:

-          A little hard to follow at first but I think it’s supposed to be

-          Does Mick say “who’s Grace?”? That seems to imply that he recognizes the other names.

-          This has the potential to be really creepy I like it

-          Can Rip be incorporated into this somehow? Or not necessarily be incorporated as the character, but at least mentioned? It feels relevant, since he had the closest relationship to Gideon

Episode 13:

-          Could Legion!Len’s reveal be moved? If he’s not heavily involved in the Legion’s main plot for this ep, the previous ep would probably work better with a single big reveal (that oculus!Len is not just a hallucination) rather than two back to back. There could be mentions of a new Legion member (Darhk and Eo discussing Legends in Argentina “We’ll let the new guy handle them,” following orders from him, etc), without Len being revealed until he’s revealed to the Legends, or the end of this episode.

-          Really good moral quandaries here.

-          You could probably do something with the fact that the team (presumably intentionally) imitates oppressive government agents to get away with kidnapping, even if it is for a good cause. That’s gotta make them uncomfortable. (Mick seems like he’d probably be the most chill with it, Jax seems like he’d be really uncomfortable, and I could see Stein going either way.)

-          Maybe include one or more OCs or historical figures in a major role to add a human element to the conflict

Episode 14:

-          How does Rip find out? Does he already know?

-          So is the thing on the throne not the spear piece?

-          Tudor jewelry would probably not involve wood. They were big on showy jewels and metals. Maybe it’s in a fancy locket and rumored to hold part of the cross or something? You could have Anne make some sort of joke about how it’s probably fake. Artifacts like that were very common and almost never what they claimed to be.

-          Henry’s feeling a little flat here, but that might just be the outline format

-          This is another one that could use a subplot or two

-          MICK BURNS DOWN THE GLOBE I LOVE IT

Episode 15:

-          I like the option of Hex reacting badly to Rip

-          Carter and Kendra cameo is really neat

-          Continuity error: Len leaves and then says something in scene 6

LOTREWRITE: Len probably shouldn't leave since he has a big leaving sequence in the next episode

-          Lots of good stuff here

-          Make sure Lily stuff lines up with the following episode

LOTREWRITE: Lily should probably show up and have the argument with Stein in this episode, since the next one is very crowded

Episode 16:

-          Make sure Lily stuff lines up with previous episode

-          Bart Allen is from around this time period too. Can he cameo somehow?

-          I love this entire concept

-          All the hostages taken are women. Is there specific reasoning behind this? If not, maybe reconsider hostage choices

-          So Lily is volunteering to be a hostage, not switch sides? That was a little unclear.

-          I love the Monty Python joke. But it might be a little too anvil-y? Maybe change the wording from “what is your favorite color?” to “pick a color”?

-          How are the trials being administered? Verbally with spoken answers? Touchscreen? Fancy buttons?

Episode 17:

-          Cameo suggestion: A young Selina Kyle. The joke is that the found family she’s talking about consists entirely of cats. This can either be revealed to Jax via innocuous comment that wouldn’t make sense if referring to a human (something about litter boxes?) or revealed to the audience later when she looks at a picture in her wallet or something.

-          I love Legion!Len being fed up this is a Good Scene

-          The Legends make him cake aww

-          That ending man

-          Another episode that could use a bit of fleshing out. A little focus on what the other Legends are doing specifically might be enough.

Episode 18:

-          Love the cold open

-          Kendra cameo!

-          Why would putting Ray in a toga convince the guard to let him pass?

-          I’d add a subplot or a lot more happening at the gladiator fight. Does Darhk attempt to cheat? How does Sara counter that? Is she tempted to kill him? Maybe she could have a scene before or after where she talks to someone about her past with the League of Assassins and how sometimes she still has to fight those instincts? Even though she saved Laurel, he still almost killed her and Laurel is still almost completely out of reach for Sara so there’s got to be some pent-up anger there.

Episode 19:

-          HI YES YOU’RE INCLUDING MORDRED LET ME LOVE YOU

-          I can tell that you know your Arthurian legend or at least did some research this makes me so happy the Camelot episode was disappointingly generic in the official season but this is so much better

-          MICK AND MORDRED TALKING ABOUT BEING TRUE TO YOURSELF I HAVE ASCENDED

-          Yeah sorry I should have more constructive criticism but my brain kinda just starts screaming in delight at any mention of Mordred so just know that you did a good and there aren’t any glaring plot inconsistencies

Episode 20:

-          Snart is totally dedicated to his theme enough to take Antarctica let’s be honest

-          I believe there was a reference in a much earlier episode to Harley and Ivy both not returning someone’s calls. Did Harley do something to get back into the Legion’s good graces or…?

-          Ted Kord :D

-          This just needs more detail, in non-Len-related scenes in particular, which will presumably come with the full thing

Episode 21:

-          How is Rip rescued?

-          How does Ray contact GL and SS? Also, being in space shouldn’t keep them from being influenced by timeline change, since they’d still be within the bounds of time

-          BATFAM!! (I was gonna say that it was surprising no one changed things to keep them from being vigilantes, but that could be because they have secret identities and none of the LoD knows who they are) (Also are you going to include Oracle? You might be able to tie her into Ray’s character arc, since she’s a superhero who not only doesn’t have powers, but is physically disabled.)

-          How are you showing the spear going “fuck this“?

-          Wait is the implication that pre-doomworld didn’t have Batman or was pre-Batman? Because the gameshow ep mentioned him in one of the trials

-          I’m not sure about Sara being the one to throw Mick out. She is a former assassin, and she gave spear pieces to Thawne to save her sister earlier in the season. Seems like she would be among the more lenient. There should at least be some clarification of why. Maybe she’s upset because she was forced back into being an assassin?

Episode 22:

-          “proper Time Master captain” ouch

-          Sara’s scene with Laurel is lovely

-          Why would Ray blow up if he touched the spear?

-          “He holds up Cisco’s communication device with the” Finish this sentence

-          LEN!!!

-          This is a good ending