#and maybe could resort to living in a bus if I could get one

[lovezbrownies]

More yandere Lauren please! I'm obsessed with her❤️

Sorry for taking so long!

Lauren's Masterlist + General Masterlist

Synopsis: The 4 times in a day in which Lauren acts strange and affectionate!

Lauren McCanister x GN!Reader

Warnings: None! Maybe a bit of jealous and lots of physical affection, Julie Cameo!

1. Lip looking

Lauren adores you and has no clue how to convey it to you. She tries to be nice and ends up making a horrible remark about you, she’s forever stuck in an endless cycle. Even her mother couldn’t help her, since she wasn’t the most romantic. So Lauren resorted to using physical affection rather than verbal, which did little to nothing since even if she’s cuddling you Lauren will end up saying something so horrible that will ruin it all. This woman has no control of her mouth!

One thing, however, is that she loves to drive you to and from school, picking you up in the early morning, and seeing that groggy look on your face makes waking up at 3 am for you so worth it. Today was one of those wonderful days, where she’d beep the horn of her car before stepping out, leaning on the passenger’s car door awaiting your wonderful arrival. 

Soon enough, you close the front door behind you, yelling out a goodbye to your family you turn back to Lauren and her stupid pink car. Sighing in defeat you walk over to her, not a single day has she missed to drive you to and from school, even when she’s somehow sick Lauren is there to drive you to school and back home. It would be such a beautiful gesture if she weren’t the devil incarnate but whatever, saves you on the bus fees and gas.

While you mentally groan over the fact she’s the one to treat you like this, Lauren is stood there like a buffoon, mesmerized by just… You. You looked so casual today, she could already see you together older and more mature, married and rich, and so deeply in love with each other neither the two of you would mind a messy appearance, still comfortable in each other’s presence even if it lacked the air of perfection.

Lauren was so deep in dreamland she almost didn’t notice you waiting for her to stop leaning against the passenger’s car door so you could go in. No rather than moving aside, she stood there, staring at your lips. Oh, whatever seduction tactics you had up your sleeves they’re workin’! Because dear lord is she pulled in you and your lips by now, so perfect, even if it was chapped Lauren wanted to know how it felt to kiss you, to have passionate makeouts together, anything that could give her a taste of your lips.

“Hey,” A hand stood before her eyesight, snapping its fingers, “Lauren, you want me to sit in the back or what?” Lauren quickly cleared her throat, trying as hard as she could to play off how awkward that was. God, you could unknowingly kill her one day just by living.

“N-No, just get in the car I want to grab some breakfast before we get to school, that c-cool with y-you?” Yet again she begs for your attention.

2. Hand holding

Maybe eating breakfast as dine-in was a bad idea, seeing how busy and crowded the hallways are right now. Usually, you and Lauren would get to school earlier, and Lauren would force you to sit with her until the bell for first-class rings, which she parts ways with you. But today you two came much later than usual, and are now stuck in a big crowd of smelly stinky teens.

“Lords above, the hell is this? It’s too damn- Hey! Don’t fucking push them freak!” Lauren yelled out, scaring the freshman to her very bones when Lauren saw you get pushed, “Fuck, take my hand.”  Lauren exclaimed out to you, holding her hand out for you. That single sentence surprised you so much, that you stopped walking entirely, letting the flow of people take Lauren away while pushing you off to the side.

The hell was she on? Your face expressed only one emotion, disgust. Shaking off the shock you decided to just get to class alone, even if it upsets Lauren later on. However, with the flow of students you could barely make it back in the crowd, might as well just sit here until they all pass through. You’d rather be late than bruised up from these actual animals. 

You took out your phone, ready to scroll the time away, when suddenly and out of nowhere a manicured hand grabbed your arm, flinching you tried to pull away but she gripped onto you even harder, looking up you saw the owner of the cute nails, Lauren McCanister yet again haunting you. “Lord, almost lost you, these fucking animals pushed me can you believe that? Come on, let’s go, I’ll make sure you get to class s-safe or whatever.”

Lauren then grabbed your hand, holding onto it tightly, bracing for the worst as you two attempted to pass the crowd of people. You were annoyed by it all, while she could barely breathe knowing how intimate hand-holding is in relationships. If you let her hold onto you like this does it mean you might like her too? What if you liked being berated daily? No, that she is sure you hate, but she’ll try to be a bit nicer, though she can’t control herself much.

3. Waist holding

It’s been a few hours now, it was the 4th class of the day and thankfully your teacher decided to spare the class and got permission to let the class have fun in the courtyard. You and a few other people were standing talking together about some inane subject you didn’t care for much but still participated in the conversation every now and then, it was nice to speak with people other than Lauren, it felt so great to actually have a group of people to be friends with too!

You were listening to whoever was speaking at the moment, and a friend of yours, Savannah, was leaning against you. Her long slender arms wrapped around your neck, her entire body supported by your own, and her head snuggling into your neck. It was short of an intimate pose, but you were used to it since Savannah has always been a touchy-feely friend, of course with your own consent. Some people make you feel so comfortable with physical affection, and some don’t, Savannah is one of those who do, she’s such a comforting person with an amazing smell.

Even if you were okay with her physical affection, another woman isn’t so into it. Lauren, as usual, wasn’t paying attention in class. It was English class and her least favorite subject, so what else is there to do other than cure her boredom by spamming you with text messages and then getting extremely upset when you don’t even open them so she looks out the window? However, her usual solution made her even more upset this time, in fact, the tall blonde was enraged.

This other woman was hanging off of you like it was no big deal, snuggling into your neck, looking at you as if she was yours. No fucking way will Lauren let that fucking bitch do that without any consequences, does she not know Lauren owns you?! That fucking freak might just end up dead by the end of the week. 

Lauren quickly excused herself, saying she had to go to the bath but really she was about to beat the shit out of a woman. Lauren sped through hallways, damn near smashing the floor beneath her feet as she angrily stomps to the courtyard. Though as she nears the courtyard she sees you and that woman walking out of the courtyard, the woman still clinging to your arm. Her eyes lock onto yours and suddenly her resolve just vanishes, oh you’re so stunning. Almost tripped Lauren up with your god-sent features.

Suddenly she’s become soft, and suddenly her need to beat up that woman disappears. So Lauren just marches on towards you. You and Savannah stopped walking when you saw the angry stomping of a certain bully. Soon Lauren finally reaches you and the other one, quickly pushing her off of you, Lauren grabs you by the shoulders before spinning you around and pinning you to her own body, she gives a look to Savannah before walking off with you in tow.

“W-What’s going on? [Name]! I-” Savannah tries to ask and chase after you but Lauren immediately yells out, “Leave them the fuck alone, you damn obsessed freak!” Her hand trails down from your arms to your waist, gripping onto the skin there harshly, causing you to let out a hiss at the pinch. “Heavens, she’s fucking crazy why the hell do you hang out with her? Whatever, doesn’t matter, from now on you don’t speak to her you don’t touch her, got that?” Lauren trails off until you two finally reach that one ‘abandoned’ classroom Lauren rebranded into her own romantic hangout place.

She spent the entire class period just… cuddling into you in silence covered by blankets and pillows. You managed to get her to let you go since you didn’t want to get in trouble and keep your grades up. The rest of the day, however, Lauren skipped all her classes to keep an eye on you, where she then got called into the Principal’s office with her mom and you, you were only there because Lauren refused to let you take the bus or walk home. 

4. Forehead kissing

It was quiet and awkward. Usually with Lauren, there would be loud 2000’s music playing and you can use your phone whenever. But with Lauren’s mom driving, there was no music, and there were no phones since she took both your phones away for “Social bonding exercises.” though she was the one speaking most of the time, with Lauren staring out the window clearly upset with the turn of events.

Lauren hates this, it was too awkward for a car ride, and her mom is totally crossing so many boundaries and feeding you too much information about Lauren, Lauren’s childhood, and Lauren’s secret obsessions. And Lauren knows if she tries cutting off her mom to tell her she’s saying too much her mom will only embarrass her more by saying shit like “Well, your romantic partner needs to know you better Lauren. You’re too secretive, reminds me when Lauren accidentally–” And then continues with the most horrifying story ever.

It doesn’t matter anyway, your opinion of her may have been bad before but it’s definitely worse now, how the hell will she even fix this. As she was wallowing in self-pity you were trying to count the minutes until you finally reached your humble abode. 5…4…3…2…1…Finally! You’re home! “Uh, thanks for the ride Miss McCanister..” You awkwardly say as you try to open the door, yet to no avail, the child-lock is seemingly on.

“Wait. Lauren get out and open the door for your roma-” “Y-Yeah! I-I got it! Don’t need to finish that…” Lauren cut her mom off, not willing for you to hear what her mom refers to you she quickly gets out of the car while you silently groan, you can finally get out of that damn stuffy car as Lauren opens the car door wide open for you, “Okay, good job. Now go walk them to their front door and give them a goodbye ki-” “H-Hey! L-Let’s go! Come on, walk faster, come on.” Lauren once again cuts her mother off as she quickly pushes you down the pathway to your house.

Once you finally reached your front door you tried to open the door only for Miss McCanister to yell out, “Wait! Do not enter until you both say your goodbyes! It’s roma-”

“We got it, Mom!” 

“Okay, I’ll look away so you can kis-”

“Mother!!”

Lauren and Julie back and forth until Julie finally sighs and looks away from you two and Lauren looks back at you and then immediately looks away again with a soft blush on her face.

God was it hard to find the courage to say a single damn word, every time Lauren opened her mouth to say something, she just couldn’t use her voice. So without another word, she grabbed you by the shoulders and just… pecked you on the head. You stared back at her, eyes wide and confusion clear on your face. You were fucking horrified. Why in god’s name would your bully just… Kiss your head? Just as you were about to question what the hell she was doing she planted another kiss, but it stayed a little longer and was on your forehead this time. “B-Bye!” Lauren mustered out before actually running back into the car, telling her mom to drive off as fast as she could.

This might just be a day worth forgetting. Not like you even want to remember. Yuck!

This might just be a day worth remembering. Not like Lauren even wants to forget. Yum!

[woneuntonzz]

𝐬𝐧𝐚𝐩 .ᐟˎˊ˗

📞 ; “left twix or right twix?”

𖹭 : like-a-big-brother!sungchan x afab!reader x partner in crime!wonbin

💭 wherein wonbin chose you to be his ride or die and sungchan, well he just loved sharing his twix with you.

⤷ contains: fluff, cussing (very light), humor, mention of other idol

names for world building, twix lmao

⤷ warnings: none :))

⤷ wc: 8 . 4 k !!

not proofread >:)

under the cut .ᐟ ✂ - - - -

There are things in life that are just as beautiful as the twinkling lights of the city at night. Sometimes these things are salvageable, say, like a butterfly. most butterflies would live for two to four weeks, too short. That’s why with every butterfly that flew by and over the bushes of azalea outside your home, you made sure no one would come and ruin the very little time it had on this earth.

Your young self would have a daily routine of just sitting at the front porch of your house and just watching the flying critters flit their wings. To the pair of eyes that watched through their living room window, you looked lonely. You’d beg to differ though, butterflies were the closest you were gonna get to fairies, and every moment with them is fantastical at most. 

The eyes that spied on you from the confines of their house would soon join you, but he would never get too close. He just stood near your lawn, not even daring to take another step. 

Your conversations were of very frivolous things, you were children after all.

“What are you doing?” —he would be blunt the first time around. 

“Watching the butterflies” his eyes would shift around a bit, and after some struggle, he was finally able to spot them.

At that point he could’ve said anything else at all, but his reply was very arbitrary, “I can swim very well.” 

“That’s cool, I guess.”

“You should be my friend, do you wanna?”

“Mm-hmm~”

He’d learn that your name is Y/n, you lived just across the street and you went to a different school. Every day, you would be at the bus stop with your mom, sometimes it was your grandma, and he was there too but he couldn’t talk to you with the presence of an adult. You went to a different school, to his dismay, so really he could only idle around with you during those mornings at your front porch.

Overtime, he’d see you less and less at the bus stop. Instead, while he took his steps out of their house, he’d see your dad’s car taking you to school. The next morning, he finally mustered up the courage to sit next to you, and he’d ask, “Why is your uniform different? Did your school change the uniforms?”

You giggled, he seemed genuinely concerned about the sudden change. “No silly, I go to a different school now.”

And in a blink of an eye, you were away from him. He thought it was traffic’s fault that it was taking you so long to get home, but after the fourth day, he’d resort to a different excuse. She’s probably on a vacation, with lots of butterflies —it made enough sense for him to start waiting for you to show up every morning at their front porch too, until they too had to move. 

At first he opposed the idea and felt particularly betrayed by his parents for hindering his quest to await your return, but after some time of staring at your deserted house, he thought maybe they were moving to where you moved, or at least close enough for him to end up at the same school as you. 

Perhaps his expectations were too much of a major leap. Still, he kept his hopes up, maybe one day he’d stumble into you again. 

He would walk to the bus stop a little earlier than thirty minutes before the bus arrived. He stared at the stop across the street, and he wished everyday that ‘one day’ would be today. 

The day would come where he could no longer wish. Bearing only his dwindling hope, five years later he was almost running late he had to catch the second bus. Whilst he ran, he could hear bells ringing like christmas eve —a boy with black boxy glasses and a girl with a ponytail tied with a yellow silk ribbon, both on bicycles would speed past him.

He almost missed the bus again, because the yellow silk ribbon belonged to you. He would think that recognizing your face through the years of growing apart would be nothing but an impossibility, but the innocence that embellished your eyes and the lines that drew on your face when you smiled, he could recognize them like it was yesterday when he first saw you on your front porch admiring butterflies. 

What he definitely couldn’t recognize was the four-eyed kid that you cycled with to the bus stop. He’d just watch since your stop was the one across from his, so every morning, he would be across the street sitting on the wait —he not only waited for the bus, but he waited for you too. He’d observed the kind of relationship that you had with that boy, and he’s admittedly grown jealous of the way he could make you laugh and how close he would be to you all the time —or at least when you were at the stop.

It’d be like that, and you’ve always thought he looked familiar, but you never really came around with who he actually was. Highschool came around, and you would never know that one kid that always hung around every after breakfast at your front porch would be your classmate. 

“Can I have some? I’m really hungry.” you were eager to get a bite of something since your activities for that day were particularly tiring —in this case you eyed an unopened packet of twix bars. 

“Hmm, okay.” 

The chocolate was freed from its packaging, and you were expectant, and very evidently so. Your eyes followed one bar being held up, and —snap.

“Here.” —you would receive the shorter half of the right twix bar.

“Wow, thanks Jung Sungchan.” a playful smirk would play on his lips.

“You’re welcome.”

It wasn’t much, but you’d try your best to maximize the bites you would take. Three bites, and it was gone. The last bite felt like you were being snapped out of the universe, fading away into nothing and willed to the state of inexistence.

Luckily your best friend was there to save the day. And there he was, carrying two quantities of the infamous cafeteria sandwich. 

With a smile, he’d hand you one of the sandwiches. You were inspecting its edibility when you asked him, “Wait, were you saving these?” 

“Yeah. p.e. hit me real hard today.”

“Wow, coming from the Park Wonbin?” 

He was a track runner but eventually he’d move on to join the school’s dance team. Still, he had the stamina like that of a wolf. 

“Hey Wonbin, seniors told us to meet for practice.” —Sungchan is in the dance team too.

You definitely thought he was one with the typical cool guys of your high school. He’s a football varsity, and got pretty decent grades, but he was more atypical than anything really. Other than being extremely talented, he was deemed to possess a high sense of responsibility and was appointed to be a protocol officer by the supreme student government. You called him the school eagle —his eyes sealed the deal. He was such a watcher, sometimes you felt like not moving at all fearing that moving at the wrong angle for even just a few inches might get you in detention. 

Somehow, though, you never got sent to detention. You weren’t a troublemaker per say, but you’ve had your fair share of late arrivals, and under cloudy weather your teacher might just announce your detainment to the whole class just because you stood from your seat a little earlier than everyone else when class was dismissed. 

Sungchan was in charge of taking people to detention, but when it was time to turn in the transgressors, he’d just go on to tell you, “Meh, not really in the mood to send people in there today, besides, detention should be illegal, don’t you think?”

Now who wouldn’t agree to that? “I think so too!”

A faint chime of bells —a sigh would leave Sungchan’s lips, one you wouldn’t catch for yourself because all of your attention would lie on your best friend who rode his pure black bicycle. 

“Hi Binnie!” you’d wave your hand and exclaim like a child.

“Hi Y/n-nie, I thought you got detention?” Wonbin was genuinely surprised to see you out of school, the humiliation your teacher put you through would've been enough to kick you straight into the disciplinary dungeon —students liked to call it that. 

“Oh, that? Sungchan got me out, ain’t that right Channie?” 

Sungchan nods at you like a puppy, with strikingly excited eyes. He finally got himself a nickname. It didn’t even matter if it sounded like Binnie that he hated hearing so much, it was from you, and that was all that mattered. 

Your next stop —the bus stop. It was the same one you and Wonbin always cycled to every morning since you became each other’s ride or die, the same stop Sungchan stared into whilst he wondered if you could still remember. 

Whether you remembered or not, it was certain you moved on. You were just children anyways. That swimmer kid was cute, friendly, and funny for being his outlandish self. But you couldn’t even remember his name, Susan? Sangchin? —whatever it was, he would be just another memory you’d grow apart from. Either way, you already had Wonbin.

Yet, Wonbin was so hard to love. You’ve heard it all before, never fall in love with your best friend. He was once a timid boy that wore thick frames and was a bumble-borne. You befriended him because you thought you could be that one nerdy duo since you were so nerdy. You’ve both had your handful of friends, but in the end you would end up being there for each other when outcasted from the rest. It’d be easy to say you’re attached to each other, it’s already been a good seven years of rushed bike rides and chasing each other in empty spaces. Your friendship would be the foundation for your shared felicity and solace. 

The prime of your wretched feelings would root from your middle school days. 

“Do I look okay?” you heard Wonbin ask from behind you. 

You turned around, and it would take you a while to actually look at him because you were busy fixing —or trying to fix— his glasses which hinges went loose causing its temples to break off. “You look great.”

“You haven’t even looked yet.”

“Okay drama queen, hold up.” you set aside his poor glasses and the roll of tape you had worn on your wrist.

When you finally spared him your eyes, suddenly your glands were producing double the hormones. “Ew.” is what you’d utter, contrary to what you truly felt. Smitten, suddenly your best friend was too attractive for your eyes. 

You would try to forget about that embarrassing moment —embarrassing for it was one-sided. You’d feel mortified over your own shenanigans and the fact that he never even knew you did karate with the air in your room later that night by the sheer thought of him. 

You’d think that was it, that it was only your man’s journey to self-discovery —but he was just so attractive when he ran the track. You are what you eat, and everyday you’d feed yourself with your delusions. Your practice of being touchy and soft with each other with your sudden upsurge of attraction for him was not a good combo at all. 

Hand holding, side hugs, linking arms, resting your head on each other’s shoulder, it all used to be in your best friend etiquette, but because he couldn’t stop your heart from pumping a thousand beats per minute, there would be a shift. Boundaries were established later on, it felt just right since you were both changing and heading towards the confounding parts of your adolescence. You would be less touchy, perception growing as quickly as your bodies changed. 

Now he’d let his hair grow a little longer, would occasionally get a trim to follow school regulations, and he’d get rid of his glasses, though would still have them on when he needed them. He definitely got dapper, more charming. Eventually, you wouldn’t be the only one subjected to his attraction, and he’d hold his title as a ladies’ man. 

His timidity was long gone for sure, but if he were being honest, your attention was all he needed. He didn’t need, nor asked for the love notes stuck on his desk, or the letters stuffed in his locker. Still, he’d go through all of them, thinking maybe one of them might be from you. 

Him catching feelings for you was an absurd idea, but every day you’ve spent with him felt like a spark, that maybe would ignite the flames of your affinity. He saw the way tables have turned —then, he used to be the one to shy away from physical contact, more than often blushing even, and of course you'd just be your enthusiastic self. Now, he was the one who’d usually initiate skinship, smiling at your inept attempts of seeming unbothered. You’d gulp and inhale thick air whenever he gave you compliments also, and in his eyes you’d be his cute, little best friend —little, because he was a few inches taller but wouldn’t want to be discredited for only being a little loftier. 

Even then, your bond would only grow and it thrived with your little escapades like staying out after school till curfew, making shameless excuses to your parents that convinced them enough that you were just really studious and preferred after school till curfew group studies. For that though, you were obligated to maintain above average grades, it was hard, but it was crucial to mask your leisure.

You’re a fairly active student, the type to not feel anxious over giving the wrong answer because you believed redemption could be achieved by anyone who knew the right steps to take. School was definitely not easy, but it shouldn’t be made complicated. You’d learn to sort your priorities, separating academics from the twists and turns of your life. 

“Left twix or right twix?” —school would still encompass such interesting encounters nonetheless. 

It was the first time Sungchan would raise this offer, and you tittered at him for being a believer of the left twix versus right twix agenda. “There’s no difference anyways.” 

He took his time, basking in your sweet, sweet laughter before he replied, “No, but just imagine—” he takes out both bars from its packaging, holding them out with both hands. “This is me—” he’d bring the left one forward a little, “—and this is Wonbin.” then the right. 

Under a frolicsome mood, you wore a grin as you reached for the right twix, but he’d move it away. “Hey!”

“Wow, I’m giving you my chocolate and you still hate me.” 

“It doesn’t mean I hate you, but I like Binnie more.” —way more. With a bitter smile, he gave you the right twix, but not without snapping off an inch. “Sungchan.”

“What? If i’m a full twix bar and this is Wonbin, it should at least be accurate and Wonbin’s definitely not as tall as me.” you broke into a chortle from his unserious justification. 

“Wonbin is still tall though, besides, you probably want more for yourself just to spite me.” 

“Untrue.” he took the piece he snapped off and held it close to your lips. “This little piece can be you then, have it.”

“Are you’re trying to say I’m just about an inch of your height?”

“More like a foot, but yeah.”

He fed you the small piece, eyes following the movement of your lips as you bit on it. “Thank you, Channie.”

There truly was no difference between the left and the right side, he just wanted to test something out, to check how likely you were to pick the left twix —to pick him. 

You would wonder why he seemed to always have a packet of twix with him, and why he always hit you with the left or right question. You always answered right, and he always snapped it to the same length, giving you both pieces. You thought maybe instead of left and right, he thought of it as him and Wonbin still, like the first time he asked you. It was such a bold assumption to make, especially when you treated him like an older brother. He was waggish, not much of a prankster, but he knew how to turn a smile upside down and at the same time, he was dutiful, and caring at times needed.  

It was something about him you thought you didn’t have to second guess. Well, while he did help you stay out of detention for all the times you were sent there, you figured he might’ve done that for his friends too. 

“Dude, please, I can’t get detention today. I don’t have any other excuse for getting home late again.” 

“Bro, you know I have to turn you in, if not I might get in trouble.”

Okay, maybe not all his friends. Overhearing their smalltalk made you think back on all the times he’s gotten you out of trouble. Shouldn’t he have been kicked from the supreme student government if he really faced any consequences for never taking you into the disciplinary dungeon?

“Hey Channie?” 

Sungchan had never stood up so fast in his life. “Yes? Is there anything I could do for you?”

“Oh, no, I just wanted to ask you something, is it okay?”

“Yeah! of course, go ahead, hit me.”

“So I heard you and your friend talking the other day…” Sungchan anxiously swiped his tongue over his top lip as he waited for you to continue speaking. “Did I get you in trouble for saving me from detention?”

He profusely shook his head and would briskly reply, “No, not at all. Don’t you worry about it.”

You kept your eyes locked with his, and you’d furrow your brows and squint your eyes in jest, displacing your doubt with a playful scowl. His eyes would widen in the slightest bit, chuckling at your mien. 

“You know I always got your back.” —he meant it as a sign that you’d hopefully pick up on, but you learned to just not question his sweet gestures, all the big and all the small.

But from that day forth, you haven’t gotten detention, not even a single warning. Sungchan wouldn’t acknowledge your efforts till one the day you would be waiting for the early morning bus beside him, and you weren’t with your best friend like you usually were. 

“Y/n, you’re early today. Where’s Wonbin?”

“Still asleep probably. I already told him I wanted to go to school early, but he didn’t meet me at the exit street.” you yawned, carefully ridding the water in your eyes with your fingers. “I waited for him there for thirty minutes, but I just went ahead. Can’t miss the first bus.”

Sungchan blinked a couple of times, trying to process what he was hearing. The morning haze was quite strong, and it was getting to his head. If she chose to not wait for him, she wanted to ride the bus with me, right? —his thoughts were interrupted by the sound of you clearing your throat.

“How about you? you seem pretty early too.” your query had left him flustered for a second.

Truth be told, he would come that early in the morning to wait for you, and unfortunately for Wonbin too. However, in all of those mornings, you’d assume he had just gotten there like you have, and for that, he deserves an oscar. Though, there were mornings where he wouldn’t he wouldn’t be there, it was the days you got detention for arriving late at school. Sungchan could take the risk, but would rather not get himself in any trouble as a part of the student government.

“I ate some good breakfast today so I was in the mood to go to school a little earlier.” He sounded convincing enough, so you’d just shrug your shoulders.

The first bus was less full, with one or two vacant seats left at the back, and you sat next to him somewhere in the middle. Before you were sat though, he would place a hand on top of your head, anchoring you where you stood and rushing past you —and you thought he did that so he could have the window seat to himself, but instead he got himself settled on the aisle seat, giving the seat next to him a little tap, signaling you to sit down. 

“You’re unbelievable.” your words came out in an exhale as you sat down, struggling a bit because his lanky legs were in the way. 

“And you're just so cute!” he’d do that thing where he’d shake his head, pointing a pout at you. 

His supposedly teasing little gesture would cause your mouth to fall open, just enough to express the cringe you caught from his tomfoolery. “Ew, what the hell.”

“What?” he’d laugh at you —quietly, for the sake of paying respect to the other people in the bus— and for a second, would wear a smirk on his face, “But seriously, you’re really cute, you know.”

Your brows would lift itself along with the dilation of your eyes. He did sound genuine, but it was just a sheer compliment, one you didn’t hear often, but still, you took it as words he pulled out of the kindness of his heart. 

That day, Wonbin got to school eight minutes late.

“Sorry, I forgot we were supposed to be early today.” he’d tell you during lunch time, barely having touched his food.

“It’s okay, be sorry to yourself. You’re being sent to detention today —eat your food Binnie.” you watched his hasty movements, taking a bite out of his already lukewarm food. “You should practice being early too.”

“Is that why you wanted to be early?” he’d reply as soon as he got the food down his throat. “Sungchan kept you out of detention, didn’t he?”

“Yeah but, he might get in loads of trouble if he kept covering for others.” 

Wonbin only nods. “I guess I better be careful then.”

When Sungchan took him to that horrid room, he’d reflect on  —not his actions, but rather, Sungchan’s. Wonbin could tell that he stuck around you often, so often that there was no way you couldn’t discern his mellow doting, but you didn’t notice at all, did you? And from the very conversation you had with Wonbin at the cafeteria, he’d conclude that maybe, you like —or at least was starting to like Sungchan as well, he took it as if you were only staying out of trouble just for Sungchan. 

But there’s no way, Wonbin had only ever seen you with a rosey shade on your cheeks when you were with him, him and not Sungchan. He would be awakened from his nap by the detention monitor, and he would wake up with a new purpose. Like track and field, he was determined to stretch himself far enough to be able to reach you, to earn you once he pushed through the finish line tape. 

For the next following days, he’d wake up before the chickens could cluck, and he got to the exit street first and waited for you. He kept up the routine, even when he was tired from p.e. or dance practice the previous day, he’d greet you with a sheepish grin like he was telling you that he beat you to being the proficient early bird. 

When it had all started, Sungchan was utterly bewildered —but even more let down, but he’d never show it, to you especially. He had no reason to feel perplexed even, you saying that you waited for Wonbin the previous day on which he failed to show up should’ve been a hint that the four eyed kid —now not so four eyed— would stick around. For a while you would think he was excited to see Wonbin because he got more fired up, fired up in a positive way it seemed. 

Little did you know, they’d softly scoff after one of them spoke. Now they were sure of their competition, and you would be oblivious of it all. Fortunately for Wonbin, you still had heart eyes for him, which Sungchan would catch up to quickly. He’d try to contest it by helping you with anything and everything, humorous pick-up lines evolving into actual and genuine compliments, and when he had the chance, he would approach you when he sensed the gloominess in your demeanor and turn your frown upside down. If there was anything that didn’t change, it was of course, the never-ending left twix or right twix query. 

“Left twix or right twix?” he held the half-opened packet to your face. 

Without sparing him an answer, you’d snatch the right twix. Sungchan’s bittersweet chuckle subsided quickly when you snapped the bar yourself, popping the shorter piece into your mouth first. “You never run out of twix bars huh?”

But he was surely running out of time. Perhaps his practice of splitting the bar in uneven lengths was foreshadowing, if you and Wonbin came from the same twix bar that he split up, that would mean you two are each other’s halves. Stupid —he felt stupid in love.

He had a twix bar and a dream, but Wonbin had you close already. Besides, what could a split bar of chocolate do? Everytime Wonbin saw that pathetic excuse of a conversation being pulled out of Sungchan’s bag, he made sure to bring you a nice and cold bottle of honey ice tea to wash down the sugars. It was your favorite too, now how could a twix bar ever compare to that? 

Their antics would persist with time, still no one made any substantial efforts. And by the time you were in your senior year, you would think the two have just gotten closer, but with that they’d confront each other —prom night hung by a thread, and it was getting close. 

“What’s your plan? gonna pull out a giant twix bar?” sickly was all it sounded to Sungchan. 

“I already asked her. She said yes.” Wonbin’s assertive facade would break when he heard the certitude in Sungchan’s voice. 

“She did?” 

“Yeah, funny I used a twix bar too.” 

A quick and defeated exhale would fall off of Wonbin’s lips that would soon display a weak smile, “Good for you.” he had lost races before, practically got used to the feeling, because he knew there was always room for improvement, and that there would be another race for him to win. 

However, this race would have him limping. He does admit he was a little careless sometimes, still giving away his time to talk to a previous admirer before politely rejecting them, it wasn’t for a long time, it lasted for a good two days, but after those two days, it would take a while for Wonbin to win back your laughter —a while being a little over a week. For a minute he thought you were bound to grow apart by the end of highschool, but he’d almost go crazy over your shy glances and the slight stutter in your voice whenever he said something out of the best friend zone.

“You should’ve joined the school band, or the choir.” he says moments after he voiced out to you his concerns for college.

You sat up, lifting your head from his shoulder to answer him. “I considered, but I got too... scared.”

“How about this, promise me you’d be more open to showing off your talent to people —I know you love to sing, you’d love it even more when you realize through others how wonderful you actually are.”  his hand would slowly move close to yours. “Performing might help you love yourself in some way.”

“Okay, okay, I promise.” you held out your pinky, and he’d intertwine his own with it. 

“You have a beautiful voice. So, so beautiful.” you weren’t certain if he had intended for you to hear the last part, as it would be a little faint, but you heard it. 

In a hospital, you’d be close to the state of losing life just by how rapid your heartbeat was going and how hot you were, matching the crimson spread across your face. Wonbin kept your pinkies intertwined, who knows, that might be the last one you’d have.

Prom night inched closer, and closer, and a week before you were growing anxious. Then news would fly by of a lucky girl, so lucky that she got Park Wonbin to ask her out to prom. 

Let’s just say, you weren’t lucky at all. Devastating, heart wrenching, you had used every word in your mind’s dictionary to describe how you felt, at that point you couldn’t really run to your best friend to cry when he was the sole reason for your heartache, so to whom do you go to?

You sniffled, expelling a weak laughter through your stuffy nose before you’d say, “I want the left one.”

“Really? why?”

“Cause he left—” sniffle, “—he left me.”

Sungchan was only now realizing just how much you actually liked Wonbin. His guilt would arise, and he would look back on the moment he had deceived Wonbin to believing he already had you as his prom date when he hadn't even composed a proper plan to ask you out.

“Take it.” He gave you both bars. 

“Do you not want any?”

“No, I want you to have it.”

You ate your heart away, tears dissolving into nothingness once you’ve had a sweet bite of his succor. Sungchan offered you his water bottle, and it was half full of warm lemonade. You’d never expect him to carry around a bottle of hot lemonade, still you’d drink it. It was perfectly tart and sweet, like comfort in a cup. Soon enough, you were feeling a bit more lively and somehow felt like you needed to pop him a question. 

“Who’s the lucky girl you’re taking to prom?”

You were flustered to hear him laugh a bit as he spoke, “I don’t have one, actually.”

“Wait, really? not even one of the girls who held up those big signs that said ‘marry me jung sungchan’ in your football matches?” 

“I’d only take a girl I actually like. I don’t want to pretend to be enjoying myself around someone I’m not familiar with.”

You didn’t know what was in the air that day, but for a while you’d glance out the window, there was a butterfly —you used to love them so much, as a kid you’d always be there to accompany them, it was his fault you’d grow out of it —that little boy. Your glee that was once those tiny fairy-like creatures soon took the form of that little boy, but why were you suddenly just reminiscing about that childhood crush you had? it wasn’t like you’d meet him again, he could be an olympic swimmer for all you know. 

“I wanna be your lucky girl.” six small words were enough to make a mess of the big guy that he is. 

The next thing you knew, he was picking you up from your house. “Shit.” he’d only seen a glimpse of you through your living room window but he was already fumbling, sweaty palms and all. And when you finally stepped out of the door, all eleven organ systems in his body would start malfunctioning. You were even more beautiful than those azaleas or the garden butterflies that flew over them. He was so lost in your grace that you had to snap him out of it. 

“These looked like the ones we had back at my childhood home. They’re beautiful Chan, thank you.” you held the bouquet close enough to get a whiff of its scent.

They were azaleas, other than butterflies, it was these flowers that reminded him of you. Did he know what flowers they were the first time he saw them? no, but did he remember its appearance clearly enough for him to spot it within an array of several other flowers? Well of course he did. 

“They remind me of you.”

“Wait, really? how?”

He wanted to say it —I used to swim very well— but for some reason, he held back. “Cause you’re beautiful, Y/n.” 

It was the first time you’d actually feel your face heat up because of his compliments. However, this one sounded different, and soon you were shying away from his gaze, trying to hide the ridiculous color spreading throughout your face.

That night, you saw Wonbin with his date. For a while, you’d convince yourself that you were in the stage of acceptance, it was time to let go. But then, your efforts of avoiding him were vanquished, he only seemed to be appearing in your sight more and more throughout the night. He looked so… happy, happy like he was with you, but you were a couple meters apart, only giving each other abrupt glances. 

The night would end, with your eyes brimmed with tears, face to face with Wonbin at the back of the gymnasium where no one else could see. 

“I like you Wonbin.” was not what he expected at all. 

He was already shaken by your watery eyes when you had asked him to talk for a while. “But, why’d you say yes to Sungchan?”

“Because you had already asked Lia out.” and I thought you would ask me —you could only finish it in your head, too afraid that you might just be going crazy.

“Wait, Sungchan told me you already were his date before I asked Lia.” 

Suddenly, your tears would dry up. Your brows furrowed, feeling a great sense of betrayal. “I wasn’t. He's only my date now because he didn’t have a date either.” your voice became a little more stable, your anguish diminishing, and in its place would surface, the feeling of being misled. 

“Y/n, I liked you too.” Wonbin, for a short while, would look out into the lights of the gymnasium that seeped through the ajar door. 

Lia was waiting for him. While he had his moments of sorrow, he’d be by himself, and he’d find that she, a beam of sunlight, gave him enough motivation to look a little farther into the future. His feelings for you, while it did linger, would eventually dwindle from the thought that maybe you had been more fond of Sungchan after all. Now that it was refuted, all he really felt was confusion. His worries would lie with you, but mostly it was for the girl who he had told to wait for him, the one he had already made promises to. 

“Let’s stay best friends, yeah?”

Just a little later, you'd be back at the table where you had left Sungchan, and he was still there, his doe eyes lighting up at the sight of you. “How’d it go?”

“Why would you do that?”

He instantly knew what you were talking about, and with an anxious breath of air, he said, “Y/n, I didn’t think he’d take it seriously.” 

“Seriously?”

He was being honest though, he thought Wonbin would’ve double checked with you, he thought, if Wonbin really wanted to have you as his date, he could’ve had you instead of some other girl, right?

Now, there could be a billion ways to apologize, but chose to play safe, saving his confession for some other point in time. Forgiving him wouldn’t come as easy as he thought it’d be —what a man, too sure of himself for his own good. He took his time, being extra cautious and keeping his tranquility to take care of yours. You’d be nonchalant with him, something he’d never get used to, but even then, he was the same —if not more altruistic. For a while you’d feel bad for shunning him when he gave you most of his energy every day for you to reconsider his apology. But the whole ordeal at prom night was cauterized into your soul. Wonbin would only and quite literally be your best friend forever, not even really forever. 

You wouldn’t really say your friendship with him was at the verge of falling apart, but you most certainly weren’t spending as much time as you used to with him. You wished you could bring the old times back, you wished you had asked him to prom yourself. But the chances were long gone, you were already in college, still with a handful folks you’ve gone to highschool with —and the most notable of the few, Sungchan and Wonbin.

Much to your dismay, Wonbin would stray a little further from you, taking a major that was way too different from yours. Though, you made sure to make time for each other whenever you could, in the meantime, you’d have your moments with the only person you felt comfortable enough to stick by. 

“Left or right?” 

Your first instinct has always been to grab the right bar. “I’ll be on my way, Wonbin just texted me that he’d been in the mall since five. I’ll see you for group study tomorrow!”

You were in a hurry because it was already five-thirty. You chose the right one again, but at least you weren’t rejecting his offer anymore, unlike when you haven't forgiven him for his deception. You’ve come to terms with just letting it go, and you believed he deserved your forgiveness because he treated you so well, maybe too well even. You saw a shift in Sungchan, he was a lot more —sincere? genuine? honest?— honestly, it’s quite hard to pinpoint which one it is, but he was all that and more. 

Just letting it go was a painful process, especially when you still had to maintain your friendship with the very man that pulled on your heartstrings and cut them off. After everything that went down that night, you two became evidently distant, but only for a considerable while. Getting back to bff terms just came naturally and there was no actual talk about what happened that fateful night in your old highschool’s gymnasium. 

At this point, you were so close to accepting the fact that you’re only fated to meet a friend just to be a friend and nothing more if you wish to be nothing less. Maybe the best friend rule was right, maybe you should’ve been more rational. 

Your movie night with Wonbin would end with him giving you a very light hug, and words that would trigger your past misgivings, “I’m meeting Lia again tomorrow, just catching up, she’s at the neighboring campus, are you free tomorrow?”

You gripped tightly on the the straps of your bag, trying to look for something, anything that could possibly affect him the same way. “I’m pretty packed tomorrow, Sungchan and I are preparing for multiple tests coming this week.”

“Oh, that’s cool. Goodluck! and tell him I said good luck too.”

His unfazed visage left a stinging in your heart. Why did he have to grow his hair out to a length that made him look so alluring when he’s choosing to act unbothered by your sly hinting? sure, he wasn’t as beautiful as a bouquet of azaleas but still, it was unfair.

“You good? you seem very down today.” 

You were thankful the group study was not just a blatant last-minute excuse even though it might’ve sounded like one when you spoke it. 

“Did something happen last night?” Sungchan would quickly catch up with the shift of expression on your face, so he’d add, “I’m sorry. You don’t have to tell me anything.” 

“I look fine, right? like, just okay?” he was taken aback with your question and your voice that just sounded so tired.

You just had your eyes on each other, after a while his eyes would move down slowly as he said to you, “I don’t know about everyone else, but I think you’re really pretty.” his eyes would shift back to yours that fluttered with his dulcet words. “I really love your eyes.” 

He really did, he always have. He loved your watchful orbs that glistened against the harsh sunlight, lashes flitting with the morning breeze as your irises followed the butterflies.

That day was suddenly not so bad. 

The times you’ve met with Wonbin to catch up would be a time for revelations. You’d learn that he’d made a lot of friends —quite a friend group they are, just a group of pretty and talented people. Wonbin seemed to be handed opportunities left and right, and you were happy for him, it’s just that when it was your turn to share the events of your life, you’d be empty handed, and occasionally would tell him that you’ve been busy with projects, tests and whatnot. You’d feel mortified, having him feel bad for you when everything was going well for him. Those meets would lead to gruesome mornings the following day, but luckily, Sungchan’s always there to mend you. 

“Say ‘ah’” you’d part your lips, just enough for Sungchan to feed you a twix bar.

When the chocolate in your mouth was almost gone, you ask him, “Why didn’t you ask me if I wanted the left or the right one?”

“Well, did you want a specific bar?”

“Hmm, maybe? I mean, I would’ve chosen the left bar.”

It wouldn’t take you a while to familiarize yourself with Sungchan —him and his everything, his routine, his favorite things, his little habits, his comforting patterns, he was unlike any other guy you’ve met despite him appearing to be on the surface. He’d give you a sense of hope every time you felt like closing your eyes and falling into an eternal slumber, and eventually, he would become a reason for you to wake yourself up everyday.

While he’s explained to you the things you could still observe with your own eyes, you wanted to know more, to understand him a little better like he did so well with you. You were hesitant to go past standard questions, but he’d encourage you to continue asking him whatever. He answered every question, from his highschool life to his very upbringing. You’d learn that he wasn’t always a football player, he used to be a very well-equipped swimmer, and that the place his family used to live where you used to live, and that— wait, he was a swimmer? —you’d interrupt your train of thoughts. Sungchan wasn’t even there anymore, but you were still thinking about everything he had told you earlier that day. 

You’d take your time to think again, about that little boy that lived across from your house. He was a swimmer, and what are the chances he’d become a football player? What are the chances that that little boy is now the not so little Jung Sungchan? 

“Left or ri—” you’d bite the left twix from his hand, locking it in between your lips. “Oh, okay. Do you want the other one? I’m not really hungry right now.”

“No, no—” chew, “Have it. And while you’re eating, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, anytime. There’s no need for you to ask if it’s okay.” he took a bite out of the twix bar he held.

“What do you think of butterflies?” —he’d stop chewing for a while and his eyes would light up like a night sky of constellations. 

“I’ve always thought they’re very pretty, but I know I could never love them as much as you did.” —so it wasn’t Susan or Sangchin, it’s Sungchan.

“Oh, so you didn’t become an olympic swimmer?”

Relief and felicity, there was nothing else in Sungchan’s mind and soul —nothing else but you. His butterfly-loving Y/n whose beauty surpassed even the most well-nourished of azaleas, everything about you, to him, was the closest God had ever gotten to perfection. 

From then on, you would tell each other stories, the hows and whys of your detachment. 

“We moved because of my dad’s work, but I was sad because I thought I'd never see you again ever —but you’re here now. I gotta admit though, I kinda forgot most of what we had then, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, I understand. All that matters to me is you still love butterflies —I mean, that you’re still happy.”

“Thank you Chan. How about you? Why did your family move?”

“Well, I spent like, what? four years maybe? —I was practically begging my parents to move me to a better school, y’know, because…”

“Because?”

“I wanted to be with you. I love you Y/n, I always have, haven’t I told you?”

His confession was something you didn’t foresee, but he didn’t either. It was all unplanned, but he just felt like it was the right moment. Just you and him at the most tranquil site on campus. He wanted to lean in, to just close the already little distance that separated the two of you, but he didn’t. He wanted you to be willing, to give him an avowal that you felt the same. It was only then that you’d start seeing him beyond his brotherly demeanor.

Tomorrow would be the first day that Sungchan would fulfill his duties as your suitor. 

First thing in the morning, he’d pick you up, three rhythmic knocks on your door was all it took for your heart to start tumbling and jumping from your chest. And everytime he opened the door, you’d be met with a pair of lively eyes that would become fervent when he finally had you close to him. You two were always together, so much so that it was hard to spot the two of you in two different places at the same time. At hectic times, you’d confine yourselves in each other’s presence. A twix bar and a smile was all and everything that could relieve the two of you of your frustrations.

Your birthday, unfortunately, was an exam day —something both you and him can’t miss for your life. You studied all morning, and before you could snooze away, he’d start to randomly play songs and dance around, dismissing the judgemental eyes that watched him caper. If that wouldn’t work, he’d lay his weight on you like a baby, pushing his nose against your cheek or shoulder. You just hoped you didn’t look too annoyed, because if you were being honest, you thought you would’ve never been able to answer anything on that test at all if it weren’t for him and his foolish, but sweet pokes. 

After such a long day, you two would be sat next to each other at an empty stairwell in campus, somehow, for you it felt like sitting at your old front porch all over again.

“Happy birthday!”

“Not really happy, I feel like I got half of the answers wrong.”

“Oh? birthday!” once upon a time, Sungchan could only hope he’d be the one to evoke your sugared laughter through your hardships, but now, he had it all to himself which was more than he could ever ask for. 

You watched as he fished a packet of twix, and with a cheeky smile, you’d snatch it from him. “Oh.” was all he could utter, dispensing another guffaw out of you. 

You opened it, holding both bars with two hands. Holding out the left bar, “So imagine this is you.” and then the other, “And this is me—” he takes that bar out of your hand using his lips, munching away as you laughed, “Hey! I wasn’t done yet!”

He could only laugh with you, coughing slightly from the sudden sugar attacking his throat. “Okay, o—” cough, “Sorry.”

“What I was meaning to say was—” you took a minute to admire the boy in front of you who stared at you with such fondness and anticipation. “We’re like twix bars. This is gonna sound so cheesey…”

His chortle would make you shy away from his gaze, but he was quick to assure you, “Go ahead, cheesey or not, all that matters is that you mean it.” it was all jested words for encouragement, but he’d soon realize that his jovial advice would apply greatly. 

“Well, I was gonna say, we’re like twix bars. Say one twix bar is you, and the other is me. If you break it in half and misplace it, you might just confused which half belongs to which half, so, technically speaking, no matter the consequence, we’d be each other’s other half.”

He had his lips pressed together, like supressing a laugh, but what it truly was is him fighting the urge to just jump you and shower you with all his affection. 

“Don’t laugh!”

“I wasn’t gonna!”

“Yeah you were.”

“Were not, you’re just really cute, that’s all.” he’d gently pinch your cheek, but you remained expressionless, so he’d start poking it, progressively becoming a little more pushy, until— “Y/n—”

It took a lot of your power, but you were able to grab him by the wrist, the hand that poked on your face would now be linked with yours, not only that, but your lips were locked too. 

“I love you too Sungchan.” “Your lips tastes like twix.” —you’d spew at the same time after pulling away from each other. 

Your own laughters were the only thing you could hear, nothing else but each other would matter as your lips would soon attach to each other again. 

“Wait, Sungchan, don’t you think we should be somewhere more, I don’t know, private?”

“Sorry, your lips just really taste like twix, I can’t help it.”

It wasn’t really because of the remnants of chocolate on your lips, he just wanted to go all in, as if he already hadn’t gotten you all to himself at that point. 

Though, it would be quite an interesting story to tell. Jung Sungchan, who used to swim very well, met a girl who loved to watch butterflies from their front porch. He fell in love, but she wouldn’t reciprocate after a few fifty twix bars. Maybe Wonbin was the one who’d been foreshadowing with precision, because Sungchan had a twix bar, and a dream in the form of you. And he hoped that maybe, some time in the future, you’d be watching butterflies at the front porch of the house you would share in morning and bask in each other’s love for the rest of the day, and maybe forever too. 

End.

[cheegu3]

Enhypen - the glory (part 5)

summary; after rejecting one of the most popular boys at your new school, you soon realised that you'd done the gravest mistake of your life; these weren't ordinary boys, and now they were set on making your life a living hell - heavily based on the kdrama with the same name

warnings; yandere, bullying, swearing, alcohol, hospital scene, mentions of murder & suicide, affair

genre; yandere

wc; 4.8k

pairing; enha x f.m reader

note; this is more of a chill chapter, we get someone's backstory :D but yeah u won't be as stressed after as the last chapter lmao, also I've changed the narrating a little based on this poll I did, if everyone hates it I will change it lol, but I felt it added a little more flavour ??? to the characters.

masterlist

The sound of the phone hitting the floor echoed in the empty hallway. You backed away, slowly while never taking your eyes off of it; as if it had a camera inside and whoever texted was watching with a grin on their face.

It started ringing, vibrating violently on the floor. You ran up and picked it up, only because you were afraid they were still in the building and could hear it. But when looking down at the screen, you breathed out in relief. It was the number that Soobin had texted with.

‘’ Hello? ‘’

You waited in silence, not wanting to risk revealing anything in case that number wasn’t him either.

‘’ Y/n? ‘’

It was his voice, thankfully.

‘’ Soobin! I think they have my number. I got a text from someone else and I thought it was you. ‘’ you said in a hushed voice, starting to walk towards the entrance while hunched over.

‘’ What? Did you say anything? ‘’

‘’ Not anything that would make them think I was talking to you. But who do I say I thought it was? They will probably ask tomorrow. ‘’

Soobin quietened for a moment.

‘’ Maybe it’s best you don’t come to the academy tomorrow. ‘’

‘’ No, that’s a terrible idea! It will make me look really suspicious. ‘’

‘’ Will you really be able to lie to their faces if you see them though? ‘’

‘’ I have to try at least. But if I don’t succeed, a backup plan? ‘’

You heard him hum on the other side of the line.

‘’ We can use Yeonjun then. ‘’

Your face scrunched up, doubt written all over your face. You were pretty sure he’d reject it, rather rudely, based on him telling you to stay away from his brother the last time the two of you talked.

‘’ Or…Yena. ‘’ you suggested.

‘’ Yena? Who is that? ‘’

‘’ Jungwon’s sister. I’ve met her and she gave the impression of almost hating him. It’s a long shot bu- ‘’

Soobin sassily agreed, ‘’ It definitely is. ‘’

‘’ Backup plans don’t have to be super solid. I’m just gonna bet everything on plan A working out. ‘’

You didn’t have many choices after all. Yena was risky and uncertain, Yeonjun was almost certainly a no and you weren’t sure about Sunoo yet. With no other friends that could be undercover right under the noses of your bullies, all that was left to do was to believe in yourself and be confident; which was definitely a first.

‘’ What do I do if they text again? ‘’

‘’ Pretend like you knew it was them from the beginning. If they question it, say you were…drunk? ‘’ 

Your loud laugh echoed. ‘’ Soobin, your suggestions suck. ‘’

‘’ Sorry…’’ he mumbled back.

‘’ I might have to resort to that though, if it all goes to shit. ‘’

‘’ I still don't think you should go. ‘’

‘’ My parents want me to get good grades. I can’t lose my scholarship at this prestigious school. ‘’

‘’ But you already went today. Just use an excuse so you don’t have to see them. We can hang out instead, if you want? ‘’

Your phone vibrated again in your hand.

‘’ Hold on, I’m getting another call. I’ll let you know though. ‘’

‘’ Okay, bye! ‘’

You pressed answer on the incoming call after having hung up on Soobin. It was an unknown number again, so mentally you prepared yourself before putting the phone to your ear.

‘’ Hello? ‘’

‘’ Did you guess right? ‘’

The voice sounded familiar, but admittedly it was one of the last people you expected.

‘’ Sunghoon? ‘’

‘’ Well done! ‘’

‘’ How do you have my number? ‘’

‘’ Took your phone while Ni-ki was busy with you in the gym. ‘’

Ah, of course. It would’ve been almost impossible to divide your attention between all seven of them to catch them in the act if they went through your stuff. You were thankful for having changed your settings so you actually had a password now, making sure they couldn’t go through your phone and see Soobin there.

‘’ Do the others have it too? ‘’

‘’ Not yet. ‘’

You weren’t sure what to say next, letting the silence settle. You felt like there was something else, but he was taking his time saying it.

‘’ Oh, right! I forgot about that. ‘’ he shouted out abruptly as if talking to himself.

‘’ Forgot about what? ‘’

‘’ You texted me back, almost like you were waiting for someone to text you. ‘’

You panicked and was forced to come up with a lie on the spot in just a few seconds. Luckily, since he couldn’t see you, it was much easier to lie. Your face didn’t heat up and you didn’t have to maintain eye-contact with basically one of the living lie detectors out of the group. 

You were incredibly lucky today. If you were face to face, he’d be able to figure out you were lying very fast.

 ‘’ Yeah…my cousin just got a phone and said she’d text me today. ‘’

He went quiet for a moment, scaring you. Was he trying to assess your voice because he wasn’t sure if he believed you? 

‘’ Are you lying to me, sweetheart? ‘’

You froze but managed to press out an answer through clenched teeth, ‘’ No. ‘’

‘’ Are you sure? I can easily check up on your family, you know that. ‘’

But you had already made up your mind, it would be cruel and very stupid to throw Soobin under the bus now. The only option was doubling-down and lying until your nose turned red.

‘’ Yes. I’m sure. ‘’ you tried to put a little irritation to your tone to make it more believable.

After some time, he ticked his tongue and reluctantly answered,

‘’ Okay. ‘’

You waited with bated breath, for what he’d say next.

‘’ You’re coming tonight, right? ‘’

‘’ Tonight? What’s tonight? ‘’

‘’ Just hanging out. Jungwon’s house. Come over. ‘’

‘’ But- ‘’

Your protest was rudely cut off by the sound of the call ending. Looking down at the phone, a scowl formed on your face and you huffed. Another party? What was wrong with them?

You stood in the corridor, feeling completely dumbfounded. Could you even run away now, no- you glanced down at your arms, remembering what happened last time you did and cursing them for giving you such a permanent reminder.

Taking a deep breath you cautiously made your way to the entrance. Despite him not mentioning anything about the hospital, it was still pretty smart to be on your guard on the way out. Who knew if that girl had texted them as soon as you and Soobin left her room, and they rushed there to ambush you.

But it was fairly quiet when you reached the front desk. If they were hiding, they probably would’ve come out a long time ago, since you were just meters away from the entrance now.

You shrugged off the random burst of paranoia and sprinted to hail a taxi outside. Maybe they would let you go home quite early just like last time. There wasn't much you could bring to the table anyway.

You fished your phone out and texted Soobin, telling him that Sunghoon had called and told you to come to Jungwon's house. It felt a bit unusual. You’d never hung out with them after school up until the day before, when Jay dragged you to the party.

‘’ Miss, we’re here. ‘’

‘’ Thank you. ‘’

You got out and hurried inside as it was still snowing, albeit a lot less than earlier. They were standing in the entrance, all eyes on you when the taxi drove away. The gate stood wide open this time, and the front door was open which gave them a perfect view of the driveway.

‘’ Hey. ‘’ Sunoo smiled at you.

You groaned mentally, whole body screaming for you to turn back around and go home. They didn’t even give you a chance though. As soon as you had put your stuff down, you were dragged by the waist to the living room, where all those people had been last time.

However, this time the couches were empty except for when they started sitting down in them one by one. You shifted uncomfortably, being the only one still standing.

It was obvious that there was no party. No music and no other people, only the alcohol in the red cups was the recurring theme from the day before. Why did they make you come there all alone? You felt anxiety start to brew at the pit of your stomach. 

‘’ I-uh…can I use the bathroom? ‘’

It was the oldest trick in the book, but hopefully they had already had so much to drink before you showed up that they wouldn’t think twice about it.

Jake was the only one who answered, with an uninterested grunt. You went right away, in case they would change their minds. Locking yourself into the bathroom you texted soobin. 

6:00 pm

You: Soobin? They’ve dragged me to Jungwon’s house.

The phone pinged almost immediately, you panicked and turned off the sound, looking around in the silence to see if they might’ve noticed. Nothing moved around outside and no noises or footsteps got closer. 

Next you had to suppress a laugh as you noticed you named him cousin so the others wouldn’t notice anything. Naming him ‘’ baby ‘’ would’ve made all hell break loose if they had just spotted it once.

Cousin: What? Like a party? 

You: Not really, I’m the only one here.

Cousin: Can you get away? 

You sucked on your lip while thinking. There wasn’t really a way out of this unless you wanted to have more wounds on your body. The whole thing felt like a very annoying headache.

Cousin: Y/n? Hello? Do you need help? 

You: No! We have a plan, remember?

Cousin: Sorry :(

You: I’ll text you later

Cousin: I live close by, just run over

You: Will you drive me home? :) 

Cousin: ofc!

‘’ Princess? ‘’

You jumped and almost dropped your phone clumsily in the process of getting up from the toilet seat. The phone slipped into your pocket again. You unlocked the door and stepped out, coming face to face with Heeseung.

He only looked at you briefly, then pushed past you to get to the bathroom. You went back to join the others. Sunoo and Ni-ki occupied the only couch that wasn’t full so you went to them.

Sunoo lit up when seeing you and Ni-ki only said something under his breath before moving so you could sit next to him. Sunoo handed you a cup and you poured alcohol in it, downing it almost immediately in a poor attempt to fix your uneasiness.

‘’ Not drinking? ‘’

‘’ Not a fan. ‘’

Ni-ki sounded moody, resting his elbows on his legs so his whole form was slumped over. His head didn’t raise when he talked, indicating he wanted to be left alone. You looked at Sunoo for answers but he just shrugged, mouthing ‘ bad day ‘.

‘’ Do you still box? ‘’

He finally raised his head to give you a very vehement look. ‘’ Yeah. ‘’ 

Sunoo tried to avoid it when his eyes averted to him, knowing he was looking at him in disbelief over what he had blurted out when he was alone with you. Whistling innocently he looked away and pretended like he was interested in the intense and lively conversation Jake and Jay were having next to him.

Now that Sunoo was turned away from you two, you leaned in a bit closer to Ni-ki, asking what you’d been wondering for a long time.

‘’ Do you even like me? ‘’

He frowned and then looked a bit caught off guard, pulling his hood further up to cover more of his face. ‘’ Yeah? I…think so. ‘’

‘’ But like, as much as the others or…’’ you trailed off.

He glared at you through his bangs which made you close your mouth again, regretting saying anything at all.

‘’ Y/n? ‘’

Sunghoon called you over, patting on the empty seat next to him where presumably Heeseung sat in before. Reluctantly you sat down, glancing at Jake and hoping you wouldn’t catch his attention any time soon, since he was extra bad when intoxicated.

Sunghoon must’ve noticed, his long fingers came up to your jaw, turning your head towards him. You stared into his bleary eyes. He looked very drunk, long gone with his pupils struggling to focus on you. But there was still some tenderness in them.

Sunghoon was slightly anxious. He’d never been alone with you before, and not this close in such an innocent way too; they all acted as a group and stuck together as one, agreeing to not be alone with you for too long.

While leaning his head back on the couch the two of you were sitting on, he turned his head to look at you. It was embarrassing how nervous you made him, as if you were some crush he had in middle school. Just looking at you made his throat close up.

‘’ Do you like this house? ‘’ he randomly blurted out, through slurred speech.

You laughed lightly which made Sunghoon smile widely.

‘’ Yeah, it’s nice. ‘’

He wanted to say more, maybe the way to your heart was to make you laugh. But he didn't get the chance to before Jungwon plopped down on the other side of the couch, next to you.

He didn’t seem at all interested in flirting with you, instead going straight into a rather serious-toned conversation, a dead-pan look on his face.

‘’ Do you know why he invited you here? ‘’

‘’ No. Not really. ‘’ you tilted your head.

‘’ From now on, we want to see you outside of school too. ‘’

You turned to him. ‘’ Why? ‘’

His lips were licked as annoyance flashed across his face, his cold eyes piercing through you. ‘’ Because we said so. ‘’

The alcohol had started to rush to your head already, making your speech a bit slower, vision blurrier but also lips bolder. 

‘’ Why are you always so blunt with me? You’re kind of mean. ‘’ 

He grimaced at your whiny tone and got eye-contact with Sunghoon, who probably knew what his friend was thinking. But he could never really stop Jungwon, since he was the leader after all.

‘’ Because, you’re a brat. ‘’ he calmly said, although his eyes were anything but.

‘’ A brat? ‘’ 

You stood up and almost stumbled into his lap when the dizziness hit you. Tauntingly, you looked down at him while swinging your cup in one hand.

‘’ You’re the ones who fucking bully me, you piece of shit! ‘’

‘’ Y/n. ‘’ Sunghoon warned, seeing Jungwon’s eyes narow.

‘’ Don’t talk to me like that. ‘’

You groaned and almost ripped your hair out in frustration. His calm exterior always made you feel crazy; it made you look hysteric in comparison, and wrong when you had all the reasons to be acting like that.

‘’ Shut the fuck up! ‘’ you yelled.

He snapped. Standing up so fast you flinched and lost balance, he was there to jerk you towards him with a harsh grip around your wrist. You lost your chance to talk as he hurried to drag you upstairs, Sunghoon running behind. 

You get pushed into a bedroom and Sunghoon got the door slammed in his face just as he was a few seconds away from it.

The tension in the room is high. Even though your back was turned to Jungwon, you could almost feel how he seethed of anger, but it was controlled and calculated, he was in control not you.

‘’ Face me. ‘’

You shuddered at his low voice, taking as much time as possible to turn around. The door was locked, who knew what he was going to do to you, away from the eyes of others?

‘’ I’m sorry. ‘’

You finally turned, and immediately your eyes unwillingly welled up with tears. It was the last thing you wanted to happen, but you became that girl in the gym again. Just one look at him and you wanted to cower away, beg for mercy or cry like a helpless child. 

You felt like a different person outside of the school. Because when the day was over, so was the torture. Seeing him look like he wanted to tear you apart in a different environment than the bleak walls of the gym reminded you of your grim future; they would torture you in your safe haven now too. It wouldn’t be over as soon as you passed the gates. They demanded you meet them at their houses and text them. What would happen if you answered just one second too late?

Jungwon stared at you wordlessly. He felt his chest swell with pride due to the sadistic nature of the situation. He liked that you were so afraid of him and that he, more than the others could elicit such a strong reaction from you - only a puppeteer could know his toy that well, know exactly what strings to pull for what; and what is that if not love?

You saw his face unmoved by your sniffling, so as a last resort you pathetically went down on your knees, hands clasping together while incoherent pleas left your mouth.

‘’ Please…please- don’t hurt me. ‘’

He crouched and was careful not to show any emotions. ‘’ Say you’re sorry again. ‘’

You looked up at him and he almost became entranced by the look of your teary eyes, glimmering while looking up at him, only him.

‘’ I’m sorry. ‘’

‘’ Good. ‘’ His lips twitched. ‘’ Stand up. ‘’

They tugged upwards momentarily when you obeyed. You kept your head down, scared to provoke him, even by doing the slightest of things.

‘’ I’m gonna give you my number. When I text, answer. When I call, answer. ‘’ 

He turned his back on you to dig his phone out from a bag thrown on the floor. You got the sudden urge to attack him and then make a run for it, but that wouldn’t lead to anything but short satisfaction.

You recollected yourself in time for him turning back and handing you his phone. When you’re done and he took it back impatiently, he stared at the screen for a while. Then he pressed the number and your phone vibrated.

‘’ Save it. ‘’

You gave a fake smile and nodded. However, seeing as it didn’t seem to satisfy him, you quickly did what he asked on the spot.

‘’ You can go now. ‘’

‘’ Already? I haven’t really talked to the others, and they don’t even have my number except for Sung- ‘’ you pressed your lips shut.

Although it was slowly starting to wear off, the alcohol had made you ramble again and by the look of dissatisfaction on his face, you could tell he wanted you to shut up.

‘’ You don’t need those yet. Am I not doing you a favor? ‘’ he stepped closer, making you automatically back away.

There were only a few meters until you’d back into the wall. You prayed to God that he wouldn’t force you to back into it entirely, so he could creep over you.

‘’ Do you want to be here? ‘’

Your mouth fell open at the horrible accusation. Why would you want to be at the house of one of your bullies, where they all hung around you, taking turns to poke their sticks into your skin to get a reaction?

‘’ No. I’m leaving. ‘’

He didn’t stop you, but you heard the arrogant scoff and saw the smirk when passing by him anyway. Your angry stomping down the stairs caught the attention of the other guys.

‘’ You’re leaving already? ‘’ Jake shouted, hurrying to get up so he could follow you.

Ni-ki and Sunoo watched you curiously, not saying anything.

‘’ You basically just got here. ‘’ 

He tried to pull you into a hug, which you quickly slipped out of, seeing Jungwon standing at the top of the stairs. 

‘’ I said she could go. ‘’

His stern voice made Jake freeze and he moved away from you, giving you a small smile which made you raise your eyebrows awkwardly.

‘’ Bye. ‘’ you mumbled, closing the door behind you.

Well that was…weird? 

*******

‘’ I’m here! ‘’

Soobin ran over to greet you, a big grin plastered on his face.

Footsteps approached the hallway and rounding the corner, the owner of them, Yeonjun popped his head out. His smile dropped when seeing you.

‘’ Y/n. ‘’ he said, rather formally.

‘’ Yeonjun. ‘’

Soobin chuckled. ‘’ No need to be so awkward. You’ve met before. ‘’

You took off your shoes and he strolled off in front of you, making you hurry to follow as you didn’t want to be alone with his grumpy older brother.

‘’ Are you okay? ‘’

‘’ Yeah, it wasn’t too bad. ‘’

He looked relieved and started walking further into the house, waving at Yeonjun to come with and ultimately stopping in the living room.

‘’ Maybe we can watch a movie. ‘’

‘’ I’m fine with anything. ‘’ you smiled.

‘’ Is this the part where I leave? ‘’

‘’ Yeonjun! ‘’ Soobin gasped.

His cute attempt at trying to look stern made you snort.

Meanwhile, his older brother threw his head back and groaned in discontent, plopping down on the couch and crossing his arms in protest.

‘’ For how long? ‘’

‘’ I don’t know yet. Don’t be rude. ‘’

Soobin pressed on the control and the large flat TV screen lit up. You almost ticked your tongue and shook your head. Of course he was a Disney nerd.

He turned around, looking childishly excited, and came over to sit down next to you. The movie quite quickly became forgotten, serving as background noise while you and Soobin passionately fought over the snacks.

‘’ I’ll go make you kids some food. ‘’ Yeonjun said, rolling his eyes at the two of you, and leaving you and Soobin alone in the living room.

Soobin craned his neck to check that his older brother had really left before turning to you. There was something he had wanted to tell you for a long time.

‘’ Does he not like me? ‘’

He smiled knowingly and shook his head. ‘’ It’s not that, I promise. ‘’

‘’ Then…did he have a rough childhood or something? ‘’ you sarcastically joked as you didn’t like when people used that as an excuse to be rude.

‘’ Something like that. ‘’

You caught the way his tone sounded borderline uncomfortable so you cleared your throat awkwardly. ‘’ Sorry, I was just joking.

‘’ His friend got bullied when he was in middle school. I’m sure he just feels a bit- well, vulnerable around you. ‘’ 

You weren’t sure how to respond so you just hummed, it was your turn to feel uncomfortable as Soobin was determined to continue no matter what.

‘’ He really struggled to see him like that. There wasn’t much he could do. When he went to the principal he was shut down, told that it was just ‘ friends playing around ‘. Later he found out their parents were pretty rich though, and at least one of them was a part of the anti-bullying committee. ‘’ Soobin shook his head, sighing while a sour expression overtook his face.

‘’ If he confronted them, they wouldn’t beat him. No, they were different, almost psychos despite being kids. They would bully his friend harder instead, knowing it would push Yeonjun away from him because he wanted to protect his friend. In the end, he was lonely. Everyone he loved watched from a distance, knowing that if they intervened it would get even worse. ‘’

‘’ What happened after they graduated then? Did he never get his justice or revenge? ‘’

Soobin looked away from you, his heart felt heavy.

‘’ No. He never did. ‘’

Silence filled up the living room. Hearing that both made you feel incredibly sorry for Yeonjun and also anxious for your fate. Would it be the same as that boy? Would Soobin have to suffer the same way - by the sidelines watching helplessly just like his brother?

You raised your head, noticing he wasn’t completely finished with his heartbreaking story. He had to hurry because the rummaging in the kitchen had stopped, indicating Yeonjun was on his way back.

‘’ It had a very unhappy ending. Remember when I said I recognized the look in your eyes when you were walking to the rooftop? ‘’

Your heart sunk. ‘’ Yeah…’’ 

Did you even really want to hear the next part? 

‘’ He saw that one night. While walking home from school. So just like I did, he followed his friend to a rooftop. ‘’

‘’ He wasn’t as lucky as you were? ‘’ you filled in when he got quiet again.

He nodded, a somber look on his face.

‘’ But, he didn’t jump though. ‘’

You frowned.

‘’ What? What do you mean? ‘’

‘’ He was pushed. ‘’

This time the silence was deadly, stretching on for several minutes. On the other side of the wall, Yeonjun was leaning against it, a single tear rolling down his cheek.

‘’ Did he get justice?

‘’ No. Of course not. The rich and powerful always get away with it. Yeonjun went to the police station but when they arrived, a bunch of black cars were already there. Took about ten minutes of inspecting before they concluded it was a suicide. ‘’

You felt nauseous. 

‘’ Did he…did he see who pushed him? ‘’

‘’ Yeah, it was them of course. The worst out of them all did it, and while they all freaked out, he barely flinched. As a solution, they were transferred to different schools in Seoul and it was swept under the rug. Even if Yeonjun wanted to get revenge, it would be almost impossible to find them. ‘’

‘’ Fuck, that’s heavy. ‘’ you leaned back on the sofa and stared at the ceiling, taking in everything that had been said.

‘’ I think the worst part is that nobody believed him. ‘’ you turned and saw that he was crying now, his knuckles were rubbed due to the rage he felt on the inside.

Breathlessly you watched him. You hadn’t seen Soobin like this yet.

‘’ What do you mean? ‘’ you softly whispered and tried to reach out for him.

He let you take his hand, and you rubbed his knuckles instead, but in a more calming and loving manner.

‘’ Since those fuckers cleaned it up neatly, his parents fought a lot about it. When he told them, crying out and looking for support, his mom didn’t believe him, but his dad did. So they got divorced. Then, his dad met my mom. ‘’ 

He ruffled his hair and scoffed. ‘’ Turns out his dad didn’t really believe him either after all. One night he got drunk and confessed he had an affair and just wanted a reason for divorce. ‘’

Your other hand wrapped around his shoulder.

‘’ But you believed him. ‘’

Soobin nodded. The endless tears had started to stain his shirt.

‘’ Of course I did. He’s my brother. ‘’ he mumbled, pain coloring his voice.

‘’ Is that…why you were so quick to help me? ‘’

‘’ I thought that if I couldn’t help him then, well…’’

Struggling to find the words, you filled in for him. ‘’ Then you could help others, to prevent it from happening again? ‘’

He grimaced. ‘’ I haven’t been successful so far. People don’t really believe in me. ‘’

You felt his words sting. It hit a little too close to home and you found yourself feeling guilty for doubting him like everyone else had.

‘’ I’m sorry. ‘’

Soobin let out an airy laugh, knowing what you were thinking of.

‘’ Don’t apologize, you let me in the end, didn’t you? ‘’

You smiled shyly. ‘’ Yeah. I guess so. ‘’

He smiled too, warmth spreading all over his face. But it faded quite suddenly as he had to look away. Why was his heart beating so fast?

-

-

I can't tag some of u and idk why tumblr is being a bitch??? does anyone know how I can fix this??)

taglist; @peaceout97, @ayadikreino, @beoms-sugar, @keikeu, @sunghoonnsupremacy, @lilyalone, @roses-and-blue-perennial-salvia, @eunchaesmileyface, @nunugget, @seunns, @nshmrarki, @huening-ly

[claiestve]

𝐈 𝐖𝐚𝐬 𝐍𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐓𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 ꨄ Xanthus

˜”* ❝𝙄 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙢𝙮 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙙 𝙞𝙨 𝙨𝙡𝙤𝙬𝙡𝙮 𝙛𝙖𝙙𝙞𝙣'❞

⎯⎯ ୨ ୧ ⎯⎯

ꜱʏɴᴏᴘꜱɪꜱ: ᴛʜᴇ ɴᴇxᴛ ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ.

⎯୨⎯ " " ⎯୧⎯

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

It’s okay, breathe. It’s for the better. It is for the better, right? Right? 

“By agreeing to this, you are agreeing to give up the memories of this person. Do you wish to proceed?”

If all of the pain just went away, that’d be amazing. Maybe this is what you need—the last step. 

“Ahem,” You cleared your throat, “Yes, I wish to proceed.” This was good. This means no more sleepless nights. No more being terrified like that day. 

After the battle, you couldn’t remain with Xanthus. He became unhealthily obsessive and toxic. You knew it wasn’t intentional but fuck did it hurt. You saw through it, he was terrified of something happening to you. He was much more jumpy than before. He’d flinch at loud noises. You found it strange that out of his four hundred-something years, he wouldn’t be so affected by this. However, you’re his love and the thought of losing you forever affected him terribly. 

When the two of you addressed it, you concluded that you’d have to love from a distance. Seeing him like that broke you and he was hurting seeing you constantly nervous to live your life. Although he’d want you for eternity, whatever you want or need, he’ll make sure you get. So it was final. 

However, that didn’t stop you from thinking about it. Even with your new place in the city that never sleeps, you couldn’t get him off your mind. It got worse when you’d go to sleep. All you could think about was the battle and the crazy look in Xanthus’ eyes when he was fighting for your life. You told him you’d never be scared of him but you couldn’t help but be scared. It was all too much. 

One day, you went to your last resort. You knew it was an option the whole time but didn’t want to go to it. However, at this rate, you had to. You had to have your memory of Xanthus and that world erased. You were hesitant at first but you knew this was right. 

Right?

“Is this too tight?” The woman asked as she put the weird contraption on your head. It was glowy and you looked like some sort of alien. It was a bit tight but nothing that would bother you. 

“No, it’s just fine.” 

“Alright, just lay back. You brought many sentiments so this might take a while. If you need us to stop, let us know.” 

That left you nervous. Why would you need them to stop? What could happen?

You closed your eyes with an open mind. Nothing was happening yet. It just felt like you were laying back and resting. That’s where it starts though. Your brain started to throb. 

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

“I bought something for you. I had planned to give it to you another day but there’s no time like the present.”

“Oh? What is it?”

“I saw this bracelet and thought of you.”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

You peeked your eyes open to see that same bracelet being removed from your wrist. You wanted to snatch it back but no matter how hard you tried, your body couldn’t move. All you could do was lay back and close your eyes. 

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

“You showed me what I had missed.”

“Really?”

“Mhm, the list is endless. Um, a willingness to fight the innocence of love, the warmth of sentiment, the necessity of respite, purpose of living.”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

You thought back to the apartment you two were sitting in. Whose was it again? The name wasn’t quite clicking anymore. At all, actually. Your memories started to become a blur and soon enough, you felt it. Your throat getting tighter, your breath shortening, your body shaking. 

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

“Something’s… wrong.” 

“What? What is it?”

“I don’t know… I just have a feeling.”

“For yourself?”

“No.”

︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵

You gasped, suddenly your lungs opened back up and your throat loosened. Your gaze quickly turns back and forth as you try to get a hold of someone to help you. 

“What’s wrong?” A woman approaches you while reaching for your hand. 

You look into her eyes waiting for your voice to vocalize your pain but you can’t. All you could do was break down and cry as you thought about… what were you thinking about again? You couldn’t tell why you were panicking so much or what you were crying about anymore. It was all completely dismissed from your mind. 

“This is good!” The woman expresses to her team in the back as they laid you back down on the chair. She hands you a bracelet and waits for a reaction. 

“Are you giving this to me? What is this?” 

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈

this is so heavily inspired by eternal sunshine of the spotless mind and also we can't be friends mv (I'm sorry) sooo yeahhhh AHHAHAHHA

also yall im SORRY THIS WAS SO PROCRASTINATED IM GONNA UGH

[zazima]

im rusty. so rusty. and also extremely late for christmas. i may as well have waited 350 days until the holidays came around again, but im trying to write more this year, so hear you go? eek im nervous. please pardon any grammatical errors or spelling mistakes. enjoy! also tumblr doesn't seem to have line breaks so sorry if any time jumps are confusing.

also a warning for language and mentions of wanting to step in front of a bus as an extreme response to being embarrassed. i swear this is all fluff otherwise.

Harry doesn't know what to get Sirius for Christmas.

Well, to clarify, Harry doesn't know if he can get Sirius anything adequately worth a damn. Because how can a game (magical or not) or piece of art or trinket or any sort of anything say hey Merry Christmas and by the way, thanks for saving me from my horrible abusive household where I lived in a cupboard and for wrangling a fucked up wizarding judicial system so that it both exonerates you from a murder you didn't commit and lets you adopt a kid you only properly met six months ago.

Harry would also like the gift (if he ever manages to find something) to say also thank you for giving me my own bedroom and for making pancakes every Saturday morning and for letting me visit my friends and for playing two-man Quidditch with me and for ruffling my hair and for always letting me pick the film that we watch and for telling me stories about my parents and for always being just enough and for not pushing me when I have nothing to say and for calling me by my name instead of shouting boy angrily-

Harry figures that he should cut himself off there. Any more gratitudes and the gift will literally be impossible to find, lest it be the size of Hogwarts in an effort to cram any and all unspoken messages Harry doesn't have the courage to voice out loud.

So Harry does what he usually does in a sticky situation. He turns to his friends.

No clue mate, Ron writes. I normally get Mum perfume and Dad whatever Muggle trinket he's been obsessing over. So unless Sirius wants a rubber duck, I probably won't be much help. But you could probably give him one and he'd be ecstatic. You're pretty much his favorite person right now.

Ah bloody hell. Do you think I should get Sirius something as a thanks for Pig?

Even though he's sure Ron's right (although Padfoot might enjoy a rubber duck more than Sirius), Harry doesn't have time to add Ron's own gift conundrum to his list of problems, so he turns to Hermione, who ends up being a bit more helpful.

I know you said that Sirius was interested in curse-breaking and how it can be used to help with cleaning up Grimmauld Place, so maybe something pertaining to that? A book or starter kit? Or perhaps something a bit more personal, something he couldn't just buy in a shop. Don't worry too much, Harry. He'll love whatever it is you give him because it's you.

Harry disregards the book suggestion immediately. Sirius does read; over the holiday break the two of them have taken to sitting quietly on opposite sides of the couch in the sitting room, reading books from the Black family library and munching on the latest treat Mrs. Weasley has sent them while flames blaze in the fireplace, only breaking the peaceful quiet occasionally to share whatever interesting passage has just been read. But Harry doesn't want to give a present that reminds Sirius of the exhausting work they do every day trying to make Grimmauld Place a habitable home.

Hermione's other suggestion, however, gets Harry thinking. Something he couldn't just buy in a shop. That obviously eliminates all of the last-resort items Harry had on his mental list, as they were dumb things he had planned to frantically order by mail once he gave up on the idea of finding something good enough for Sirius. But it also opens up a new idea, something that Harry himself had appreciated when he had received it a few years ago.

He begins firing off letters and mail-in order forms with an efficiency Hermione would admire. The owls return in quick fashion, up to three or four a day. Sirius doesn't notice anything at first, but when Hedwig taps on the kitchen window for the second time that day during breakfast, he gets up and lets her in with a raised eyebrow at Harry.

"Wiseacre's Wizarding Equipment?" he asks, somewhat incredulously, peering at the label on the package. "Harry, love, you know we can just go to Diagon Alley whenever you'd like. No need to rely on owl post if you're running low on supplies."

Harry flushes and snatches the small, soft package from Hedwig, stuffing it under his armpit and looking determinedly at his porridge. He hopes he doesn't have ACTUALLY IT'S PART OF YOUR CHRISTMAS PRESENT written all over his face.

"It's fine," he shrugs, aiming for casual nonchalance with his tone. "It's just a small thing. No point in going all the way down to Diagon Alley. Besides, the crowds would drive you crazy. They'd probably give you a concussion trying to get a picture."

Sirius grimaces, probably thinking of their last attempt to go for an ice cream at Fortescue's shortly before Harry had left for the fall term. They'd returned to Grimmauld Place ice cream-less and with a giant tear down the front of Harry's robes.

"Nothing a Glamour Charm wouldn't fix," he responds, grabbing his own empty bowl and bringing it to the sink. "Anyway, it's not fair for us to be shut up in this damned house because some people can't behave themselves in public. You just let me know whenever you want to go out, alright? I promise I won't breathe down your neck while you look at potions ingredients and whatnot. Even if they all suspiciously happen to be ingredients for an Enlarging Potion."

He manages to ruffle Harry's hair before the boy squawks out a "Sirius!" and darts out the kitchen, cackling in response to Harry's sputtered "I'm not... I wouldn't... SIRIUS!"

As Christmas approaches, Harry begins to stay up later and later into the night, working frantically to finish Sirius' present. One late night (or early morning, really), he hears a gentle knock on his door. He jumps and shoves the half completed project under his comforter.

"Come in!"

Sirius peeks his head through the cracked open door. "Are you alright? I was getting a glass of water and noticed your light was still on."

Harry nods, trying to convey a casualness he doesn't feel beneath the stress of wanting to have the present ready by Christmas morning. "Yes. Fine. I was just... reading." He reaches for his nightstand and holds up the latest book he's knicked from the Black family library for this exact purpose.

Sirius raises an eyebrow. "You sure? I've read that one before. Couldn't last more than thirty seconds at a time without falling asleep."

Harry glances at the cover. He hasn't even cracked it open yet. "It's actually quite interesting. I've always been fascinated by... the evolution of wizarding legalese from 1500 to 1800." He internally winces as the subject matter is finally made apparent to his sleep-deprived brain.

Sirius pauses, clearly sensing that something's up. He must decide that now's not the time to probe further because he says, "Alright. You're stronger than me, then. Let me know if you need anything though." He begins to retreat and close the bedroom door but stops right before he actually does. "I forgot, " he murmurs, opening the door wide and stepping fully into Harry's bedroom. He approaches Harry where he's sitting on his bed. Harry tries to discretely shove the half-finished present further under the covers. "You had a letter downstairs. We must have missed it earlier. I only saw it when I was getting water." He hands over a rather thick envelope to Harry, who flips it over, notes the name of the sender, and smiles, relieved.

Sirius lets out a small puff of air, and Harry looks up at the sound. Sirius pastes on a rather strained smile. "Do you often write to Mrs. Weasley?"

Harry's brain scrambles for a response. "Erm. Not really."

He doesn't say anything else, unsure how to explain away the situation convincingly. A rather awkward silence settles between them. Sirius looks as if he's summoning the courage to say something.

Sirius takes a deep breath. "I'm here if you ever want to talk, Harry. I know the Weasley's have always been great to you, and I never want to feel like you're getting that taken away. But, I just want you to know that I'm also here, in addition to them. For anything. No questions asked or judgement cast. Alright?"

The letter slips out of Harry's grip, as he frantically waves his hands in front of him, desperate to correct Sirius' perception of the situation. "Oh, no, Sirius, I know! I swear it. We were just... planning Ron's birthday present this year. They wanted to throw him a party." The fib comes easily.

Sirius visibly relaxes. "Oh. Ron's birthday's not until April though."

"Yes," Harry's brain scrambles for an explanation. "But you know how Mrs. Weasley is. Always trying to stay ahead. She's already starting to plan the menu. Fretting between bacon sandwiches or chicken legs for the main course."

Sirius shakes his head, a genuine smile starting to form on his face. "Well you know my vote is always for chicken legs. Assuming I'm invited of course."

"You know you're always invited. Mrs. Weasley always wants an opportunity to make sure you're feeding me properly," Harry rolls his eyes. "And Ron thinks you're pretty cool too. Even though you broke his leg."

Sirius gives him a mock scowl. "Hey now! I wasn't in my right mind that night. And I gave him an owl to make up for it! Even though I was probably doing myself more of a favor than him. That damned owl was driving me mad."

Harry giggles, and Sirius' smile grows wider at the sound. He lets out a dramatic sigh and leans over to ruffle Harry's hair, ignoring the sounds of protest that come in response to the action.

"Alright then, love. I'm off to bed. Shout if you need anything, and I'll be here in faster than you can say chicken legs. You hear me?"

Harry nods. "Yes sir."

Sirius scowls for real this time. "None of that now, remember?"

Harry nods again, this time rather sheepishly. Sirius bends over to kiss his forehead before heading out of the bedroom, shouting a "Good night!" over his shoulder before he closes the door behind him.

Harry sighs in relief, pulls the present out from underneath the comforter, tears open Mrs. Weasley's letter, and gets back to work.

The morning of the 25th is bright and cold.

Harry is a ball of nerves as the breakfast plates get cleared away and the two of them prepare to go to the sitting room to open presents. Padfoot had barged into Harry's room at half past seven, barking loudly and leaping onto the bed, nearly giving Harry a heart attack in the process. He'd only finished Sirius' present in the wee hours of the morning and had barely managed to shove it into his desk drawer before he'd fallen asleep.

Sirius had dragged Harry into the kitchen for special Christmas chocolate chip pancakes and hot chocolate but had only allowed Harry to start eating once he agreed to don a ridiculously oversized Santa hat that matched the one Sirius had on his own head.

"If I'd known you liked Christmas so much, I'd have taken you to the Muggle mall to get a picture with Santa," Harry grumbles only half-heartedly as he watches the milk heat up on the hob. Sirius was adamant about making hot chocolate the old-fashioned way.

Sirius laughs loudly and hooks his arm around Harry's neck, pulling him close and planting a kiss on his forehead with a loud smack. "It's our first Christmas together, kiddo! First of many. You can get past your anti-morning attitude for that, can't you?"

"I gueeeeeeees," Harry mock-whines, drawing out the word as he adds the chopped chocolate to the steaming milk. He's secretly pleased that Sirius seems to somewhat enjoy his company. It shows he's not such a terrible charge.

"Thank you for your sacrifice," Sirius states dramatically. He gives Harry one last squeeze before releasing him. "Now come on, let's get to presents. I call going first!" He darts off to the sitting room where, overnight, a large pile of presents has piled in front of the eight-foot tall tree Sirius had dragged home one afternoon (with lots of swearing).

Harry gulps nervously as he pours hot chocolate into two mugs and tops them both with a handful of marshmallows. His hands are slightly shaking as he brings them both to the sitting room. Sirius is poking around the heap of gifts as he enters the room, and Harry spots the hastily wrapped, lumpy package he completed only a few hours ago.

Please like it, please like it, please like it, he silently begs as he sets the mugs on the coffee table. The sight of the gift is almost nauseating, and he keeps his eyes fixed on the hot chocolate.

Sirius turns at the sound to spot Harry and grins. "Alrighty, kiddo, what do you want to unwrap first? I did go a bit overboard this year, you'll have to forgive me. But there's plenty here from your friends!" He's practically vibrating with excitement.

Harry straightens his back and clears his throat. "Actually, do you mind if you do the opening first?"

Sirius pauses. "Are you sure? I swear mine are quite good."

Harry nods vigorously. "Yes. You can start with mine. It's right on top. The green wrapping." Let's just get this over with, he thinks.

Sirius picks up the package and shakes it gently. It makes no noise, and Harry can't help but let out a chuckle despite the knots in his stomach. Sirius grins at him and begins to carefully unwrap the gift.

Harry's legs suddenly feel like treacle tart filling. He lowers himself onto the couch so he doesn't pass out.

The wrapper paper gently falls to the ground, revealing a mound of knit material. Sirius unravels the pile to reveal a rather lumpy, oversized navy blue sweater with a slightly misshapen black dog woven onto the front.

Sirius doesn't say anything.

Harry's heart drops to his stomach. He opens his mouth, desperate to explain away the situation. "It's uh... it's... erm... it's a sweater? I made it?" As if that wasn't fucking obvious, he internally snarls at himself. He shakes his head, trying to organize his thoughts. "Yes, I, um, I made it. That's uh... that's Padfoot. On the front of it. I knitted it."

Sirius doesn't say anything.

Harry's words start coming out faster and faster, hoping something comes out that remedies this clusterfuck of an event. "Mrs. Weasley helped me. She sent me instructions. And the patterns? That 's why she was sending me so many letters. I didn't know how to do it. They aren't throwing a party for Ron."

Sirius still doesn't say anything.

Oh fuck! Harry thinks wildly. He's probably livid I lied. Oh fuck fuck fuck. "I'm sorry I lied to you! I just wanted it to be a surprise," he manages to get out. "That's why I was ordering so much through owl post. I had to get the yarn and the needles. And I kept having to order more yarn because I kept getting frustrated and messing up a lot. I didn't want you to know. Until now, that is. Obviously."

Sirius. Still. Doesn't. Say. Anything.

Harry wants to crawl into a hole and die. But for some stupid, idiotic reason, he keeps speaking. "I wasn't sure if you'd like the color? I actually realized that I don't know what your favorite color is. But whenever Mrs. Weasley makes one for me or for the Weasley kids, she usually does our favorite color. Or house colors. But I figured you have lots of things in Gryffindor colors? Like your wand holster. And then I noticed that you wear a lot of navy. So I thought that might be nice."

If Sirius doesn't say anything, Harry just might call the Knight Bus so he can step in front of it. He decides to get everything off of his chest before he has to do so.

"Mrs... uh... Mrs. Weasley made me one," he explains softly. "My first year. And every year after that. It means a lot to me. I think it was probably the first gift I ever got. And it kind of made me feel like part of their family? A little bit at least. So... so I wanted to give you one. Not from her, of course. But from me. So you could feel like a part of... our family?" His sentence embarrassingly ends like a question, so he hastily tacks on, "If you want to, of course."

Sirius finally moves, and Harry shuts his mouth. He gently sets the sweater down on the armchair next to him, walks over to where Harry is sitting, and pulls him up into the tightest, fiercest hug Harry has ever experienced.

Neither say anything for a few moments. Until Harry can't deal with not being able to breathe and squeaks out, "Uh? Sirius? I can't really inhale."

Sirius releases him quickly and takes a step back. "Sorry."

Harry feels awkward again. He clears his throat, hoping to fill the silence with something. "I hope you like it. But I know it's not done very well. So I can take it apart if you'd rather that. The shop said they'd take the yarn back as long as it wasn't too worn."

Sirius' head snaps up. "What? Harry, my love, I don't not like it. I love it."

Harry's mouth goes dry. "What?"

Sirius gives him a small smile. His eyes look suspiciously glassy. "Harry. You made this for me. You made this for me! It's my favorite color, and it's got me on it! Of course I love it. Not just because you took the time and the effort to make something for me. Because, my goodness, how do you even start with something like this? It must have taken you ages. But also because, well, you said it yourself. I mean, I already felt like part of the same family with the whole adoption bit and knowing you since you were a baby and whatnot, but it's always nice to know you feel the same. And I'm so honored to be a part of your family. Always will be. You have to know that, alright?" Sirius presses their foreheads together. "Alright?"

Harry nods, feeling a little something catch in his throat. He nods.

"Thank you for my gift," Sirius says softly. "I love it. No talk about talking it apart. I'll be proper mad if you do, you hear me?"

Harry nods again. Sirius releases him. He grabs the sweater from the armchair and pulls it over his head. The hem is uneven and the dog looks more like a cat once the sweater settles on his body, but Sirius only looks down at it and grins.

"Now come on, it's your turn to open presents. I don't think any of mine are as good as a handmade sweater, but I hope you like them anyway. And that's got me thinking, we ought to do a Christmas card no? Especially now that I've got a nice sweater on. Mrs. Weasley might tear up at the sight of a photo of the two us. Come on, come on, pick a present."

Harry rolls his eyes without any real heat behind the action. And he doesn't say anything later when he feels a burst of pride when he sees the photo they take in front of the Christmas tree that afternoon, Sirius wearing the sweater with the biggest, proudest smile Harry has ever seen.

He just bottles the feeling and hopes to remember it forever.

[sigmaelxgr]

Hey,

This is going to be a weird and personal post. I have no idea which tags I should attribute to it. Im going to tag tes and tesblr bc thats where im in but Its going to talk about art and whats the point.

Thing is: since I'm a child, very young child, I use to draw charaters. I used to write stories, imagine them, living them each time something's off or each time I'm bored, listening to music, waiting for the bus, etc. There's never a time where I dont have stories in my head. Characters talk, live inside. Depending on which game Im currently playing, I have different characters ofc but I end up drawing them almost only bc it makes me feel kinda good, as for some reason they brang to me relief.

Yesterday night, I had a violent family discussion about it. About how I messed with my talent by only drawing the same things over and over again and about how I could have been living of this instead of doing whatever little job I find then leaves when I burn out. It got me offguard to consider the recurrance of the same figures a problem or a symptom of anything. For me, it just makes me feel good. I adore talking about it, I adore telling stories. They told me I should put them online at least so maybe one day I could transform all the time "lost" in this into a portfolio of some kind, but it just feels so precious to me I cant resort to give it all like this and I really dont have the cues for social medias. I just dont understand how it should be done.

Its precious. Idk how to word it. Im proud of the stories and characters I write, but sharing them is something I dont plan to do as a living. I could maybe write stories, but I write bc its THEM, its my characters, and they dont understand the part they're playing for me. Its just... soothing to me.

I ended up thinking this could be a problem. Was there a problem in the first place for me to need such a door to another realm ? I play way too much bc I enjoy roling so so much, but when im not roling I just dont play at all. Should I really stop it to get more into my life if it's something that just makes me happy ?

I have no clue. I thought that maybe if I got a little money from portraits commissions for exemple, they'd stop worrying like they do. Bc im capable of that, Im capable to draw other characters, I just come up with loving so so much my own that seeing his face makes me so happy.

I dont know what I should do for them to stop worrying about the over-recurrence and the loss of talent and time

[skippyv20]

Skip, Julie here. We just got back from an amazing bus trip of South Korea. We are only a 9 hour flight from Seoul so the Asian countries are all within our holiday destinations. I wanted to just say to anyone wondering if it was a safe or interesting country to visit, the answer is yes. Put it on your travelling bucket list especially if you have family members who are younger and not so sure. It is safe, it is glorious and the people, culture, food etc is definitely worth the trip. It’s like a combination of Japan and China in language and scenery. Many many people speak English. It is a very development country. They have powered ahead in the last 50 years.

We went on a cable car from South Korea into the Demilitarised Zone (DMZ). It was not weird or scary. There is even a little fair ground and accommodation there. What was a surprise to us was the South Koreans call it the Dream Making Zone. Specifically because they dream of being United with loved ones who live in North Korea and of a United Korea. Maybe a country with two systems but one where Korea is unified.

We did not hear one bad word against North Korea. We heard it is apparantly very beautiful and has amazing beaches and resorts for its people. This was not propaganda. Our guides relatives remain in North Korea and the hope is one day that the governments will sign the agreement to reunite them. Everything is built ready for the day that happens. There is a train track built etc.

So anyone thinking of maybe a Japan trip then I recommend you add on South Korea and get a wonderful added addition. If you fly or cruise all that way you should see both. By the way, they really welcome tourists.

Thank you so much for sharing this amazing trip with us!  Sounds amazing, and like you really enjoyed it!  I love the way you write, I could so easily visualize everything…😃❤️❤️❤️❤️

[workingforitallthetime]

I would be super interested in hearing more of your thoughts on the bedard athletic article... i read it just now and. hmm.

OK we’re back for Part II, the Bedard/Fantilli parenting part! (Part I here.)

I previously squawked about being jarred by the subhead in the Star: “But Connor Bedard’s story was always more about raising a happy and grounded child than a star.” But now that I’ve processed both articles, it’s not necessarily off-base. The Bedards clearly do very much care about raising a happy and grounded child. It’s just that their philosophy about how to accomplish that outcome seems to be focused around making sure Connor has everything that Connor thinks he needs.

There’s presumably a difference between everything that Connor thinks that he needs and everything Connor actually needs, just like there is with any teenager. So what really stands out to me in both of these articles is the many examples of how the Bedard parents seemingly do not ever go against Connor’s decisions around hockey, even when they’ve had (or arguably should have had) legitimate misgivings. Some examples from the Toronto Star article:

Melanie didn’t think Connor should apply for exceptional status, to the point where she was losing sleep over it. Connor “told her how upset he’d be if she blocked his goals,” and she caved. (The quote is from The Athletic but Melanie’s emotions get more attention in the Star.)

This quote from dad about little kid Connor going to open ice: “He’d stay there eight hours at a time,” says Tom. “More, sometimes. He’d come off, eat, go back on. His feet would be literally bleeding. I would go on once in a while, but normally I would just let him do his thing.” Like… maybe it’s time to make your kid take a break if his feet are literally bleeding????

Ah, the Hawaiian vacation, the trip that Connor refused to go on unless he could take his hockey gear and keep practicing. There’s a series of choices there as a parent. Not only are you acceding to your kid’s demands to play hockey in the midst of your one and only family vacation ever, you’re actively facilitating his demands by paying to check his goddamned gear bag and leaving your own relaxing lounge by the pool/on the beach to drive him to the only rink on the island (which I’m fairly confident was not walking distance from any resort they may have been staying at.) Like!!! That is such a series of choices!!! All made in the service of allowing your hockey-obsessed kid to have exactly what he wants, rather than deciding that perhaps it would be good for him and for your whole family to have a tiny little vacation from his life’s obsession!!! (Much of the information in this paragraph is based on the TSN spot, which has the most detail about this trip.)

I think it’s super interesting that the coach of the Pats says he’s tried to dial Connor back (making him take days off, against Connor’s wishes) but apparently his family never has.

This is not the Fantilli family shared decisonmaking model, where all four of them talk about collectively making every decision about what Adam’s path has been. (And also extol the importance of family vacations.) In the Bedard family, Connor is driving the bus and his parents have decided that their role is to support him as he decides how best to follow his dreams.

I was absolutely gobsmacked by this quote:

Melanie moved to Regina to be Connor’s billet the past two seasons, because nobody knew what it would be like for a kid of his calibre, and as Paddock puts it, “His whole preparations are based around perfection, and she’s the only one that knows it.” 

Moving because you don’t want your 15-year-old to live with strangers would be completely understandable. Moving because you are the only person who can possibly live up to your 15-year-old’s standards of perfection and you don’t want him to have to live a life where everything is not exactly perfect for him is FUCKING BANANAS.

Of course, there’s a Fantilli contrast here too. I’m thinking of the interview where Adam said his performance coach therapist helped him “turn rituals into routines.” Learning how to cope when it is not possible to have everything run exactly according to your standards of perfection seems like a fairly important life lesson for your kid to learn if you want him to be happy and grounded. (Most parents start teaching that around the time their two-year-old throws a tantrum because the purple cup is in the dishwasher so they have to drink their apple juice from the green cup.) But maybe it’s less important if your version of “happy” is that your kid gets everything he wants.

It’s interesting that there’s a common thread between the Bedards and Fantillis of some distaste for the minor hockey scene. (“Melanie had already started staying away from the games after experiencing the fierce currents of youth hockey on the moneyed North Shore.”) The Fantillis dealt with that by finding a different path that took their kids out of that system entirely, and the Bedards don’t even seem to have considered that option. Connor wanted exceptional status in the CHL and that’s what Connor got.

And maybe that’s connected to another interesting Bedard/Fantilli contrast. The Fantills, in describing their shared decisionmaking model, always seem to radiate confidence that they’ve made the right decisions, even when those decisions have been hard or haven’t been popular. See, e.g., Julia emphasizing in Adam’s TSN spot that “it was about making the right decision for each son,” or Giuliano evangelizing the prep school route in the Gulo Gulo article, or Adam explaining, “It’s probably about a week-long process for every decision that we make and I don’t think we’ve made a wrong decision so far.” But the Bedards, apparently, have some self-doubt about letting Connor drive the bus:

Bedard’s parents still worry. Melanie worries about school taking a relative back seat — in the room at the Brandt Centre, a chart of Hamlet’s characters is the only real indication it’s a classroom. Tom thinks about the kids of the people he works with, and how they’re growing up.

“Their kids play hockey, but they hunt, they fish, they motorcycle, they snowmobile and they’re good at all of them,” he says. “But they’re not great at any of them. But is that better in the long run? Maybe it is.”

sources: The Athletic, the Toronto Star, TSN, Gulo Gulo,

[irithnova]

i understand what you intended to say with your post. i also think that the reason people are zeroing in on other aspects is that you literally began the post by saying "people would rather racebend" which is, like it or not, aimed at creators, not viewers. you didn't start off by talking about what gets popular, you started by talking about what people would rather create. sure you went on to say what people would rather reblog, but that's not the only thing you said in the process. so it really shouldn't be surprising that said creators, who are primarily fellow POC, took issue with it.

i do think that some of your words are getting muddled with someone else's post on the subject because that person absolutely was silencing fellow POC creators and saying that being POC didn't make it okay (and then put in the tags that they weren't an expert on the specific subject they were talking about as a means to silence). so i do think it is unfortunate that your words are getting muddled with that. but i still think you said a lot of things in your original post, and even more in your rebuttals, that are understandably making people upset.

you also invoked so many unrelated things in the process and resorted to hyperbole. literally who is making "latino russia?" making up exaggerations like this only belittles the thought put into interpretations that are primarily being made by POC and it reduces it to nonsensical pandering driven by white people. your comments are whitewashing POC creators, and then you had the nerve to tell a POC they were favoring the white gaze. you can say "i'm also POC" all day but it won't change the fact that you aren't taking intersectionality into account. no one cares what your "exceptions" are because some decisions are simply not yours to make.

we don't make this content to be your "competition" as you put it. we make it for ourselves. if other people happen to like it, then that's great. maybe it's because we are putting ourselves into the interpretations. i can only speak for myself, but i know i'm not as likely to reblog from a creator that's using hetalia characters as a form of representation if their knowledge of a culture or ethnicity is purely academic and not lived. the risk of unwittingly amplifying missteps is very high. the thing about tumblr being mainly an anglosphere site is that the POC creators are not necessarily going to relate to the characters that represent our distant ancestors as we are to relate to the characters where we see an opportunity to tell our own story. you cannot control what resonates with people, and you don't have to throw people under the bus because you feel like we are making "competition" difficult for you.

and stop invoking nazi germany as a rhetorical device. your words are unbelievably erasive of the racial hierarchy and widespread segregation that already existed for a thousand years in europe. nazi germany was bound to have picked up some ideas from elsewhere along the way but it was first and foremost "inspired" by its own bullshit. end of.

I understand your perspective but you completely lost me on a lot of your future responses.

My initial statement was framed in a way that aimed to emphasise trends and preferences within the hetalia community. Starting with "people would rather racebend" was an attention-grabbing way to introduce my topic rather than being an attack on creators and specifically poc creators.

Yes, I wanted the post to get attention. That's why I made a public post. What I didn't anticipate was people accusing me of targeting poc hetalians and making the post in bad faith. Which is why I had to clarify myself in reblogs that the intention of my OG post was not to police poc creators

By starting my post of talking about "yall would rather racebend" that did unintentionally include poc creators, which is why some poc creators who racebend did feel attacked or erased. I agree that the opening line could have been worded in a more careful way. 

2 other rebloggers brought up the topic of poc racebending nations. I then gave my opinion on racebending as a poc myself and then clarified that my original post was not about targeting poc specifically but was a criticism of how racebent white characters garner more attention than canonically non white characters.

While the statement was directed at creators, "people would rather racebend" the intention was to spark a conversation about creative choices and consumption of poc nations in hetalia and representation rather than to single out a specific group and tell them they are committing a sin for racebending (poc). If I wanted to do that I would have specified in my first post that I had an issue with specifically poc doing this and the reasons why. 

Even in the first paragraph. I end it with "y'all see how fucking stupid and racist you look right ?" Why would I be calling poc racist? My OG post was NOT aimed at singling out poc creators but was a broader criticism of creation and consumption as a whole and again, as you read further into my post

I explain why there is a trend of racebent characters being more popular than actual non white countries in the first place among the wider fandom and consumers rather than specifically talking about poc racebending and their decisions to do so or even talking about creators. 

"Literally, who making 'Latino Russia'?" this actually happened, which is why I brought it up, it was not hyperbole. The addition of "and China" to that point was also not supposed to be hyperbole and was not hyperbole because 1) I brought up an actual example 2) "and China" was to further my point of highlighting a trend of bending established characters, which can indeed spark discussion and engagement, even if it's not literally happening.  

"making up exaggerations like this only belittles the thought put into interpretations that are primarily being made by POC and it reduces it to nonsensical pandering driven by white people. your comments are whitewashing POC creators, and then you had the nerve to tell a POC they were favoring the white gaze." This entire argument is absolute drivel because it entirely relies on my Latino Russia point being make-believe which it wasn't. White washing POC creators? How did I do that? Because I said a point was favouring the white gaze? That is not what white washing is.

"you can say "i'm also POC" all day but it won't change the fact that you aren't taking intersectionality into account." The reason why I'm even having to clarify my racial status is because I have people literally questioning my race in posts about me, denying my race, and hate anons questioning or denying the fact that I am indeed, Asian. So yes. I will say "i'm also POC" all day. Also, telling a POC that they're "acting like a white person" simply because of a difference of opinion seems pretty un-intersectional and racist to me. Whiteness is a position of structural power. Not when another poc has an opinion you don't like. Not accusing you of doing that but that is the reasoning why I'm even having to clarify what my race is - not because I think my racial status is a get out of jail card.

You are accusing me of using identity politics in a way the conservatives think it works, which is "I'm a POC therefore I'm right!" which is not how constructive identity politics works at all. Again. I am clarifying my race because people are accusing me of faking it. Not because of what you've just written here.

"no one cares what your "exceptions" are because some decisions are simply not yours to make." You're talking about this?

I literally said it was not my decision to dictate to first nation peoples what nations they'd like to express themselves through and acknowledged that the US and Canada etc are special cases and I think people understand why that is.  I also never actually ever said I wanted to dictate or make decisions for ALL poc as a whole when it comes to bending hetalia characters. 

But yeah at this point you're trying to take my words out of context by attempting to make it seem like I was making exceptions specifically to overstep people's identities when it was the exact opposite. 

It's not my decision to make? I agree. I was expressing my opinions and preferences, not attempting to make decisions for the whole fandom.

I expressed in my reblog why I, even as a poc, do not like racebending as the topic of poc racebending was literally brought up by two different rebloggers and so I responded accordingly. I don't understand how that is me trying to make decisions for anyone?  By your logic, anyone who expresses why they like racebending hetalia characters to me in my reblogs/asks and in their own posts and uses justifications for it is also trying to make decisions?

I'm sorry but if I actually wanted to police or dictate poc creators racebending content, I would have gone after their posts, fill it with comments telling them that they're wrong, fill the tags with my distaste of racebending, send asks/messages telling them that they're wrong etc. I do not like racebending content personally so I don't interact with it. End of. 

I think me making (1) post (yes this was my first and only post that talked about racebending) on the subject of my distaste of racebending that didn't include any relevant oc/character tags nor did it include calling out anyone by name or even vaguing about them does not count as me trying to 1) Make decisions for poc creators 2) dictate poc creators. You have a very skewed view on what counts as trying to force the hand of poc creators by making decisions for them and someone making a one off post expressing their dislike of racebending, who's explanation for disliking it does not include wanting to silence poc creators.

I want to clarify that the reason why I am personally not a fan of race bending was not to dictate or undermine the creative freedom of POC creators. Instead, the focus was on maintaining the essence of nation anthropomorphism and staying true to the themes of personifying nations, which is what I personally believe.

Tell me where in this paragraph I was specifically targeting POC creators and trying to make decisions for them. "But a lot of race benders are poc so you criticising race bending is a criticism of poc creators" Okay. White people can and have racebent too so I was not aiming to target poc and their decisions specifically and this was obviously a broader criticism of racebending.

Me saying I do not like racebending because I believe it strays away from the theme of personifying nations is not conducive to me saying I want to make decisions for POC hetalians who want to racebend.

Also, where did I say "poc creators should not be allowed to racebend and it is my call to dictate this" Even in my further rebuttal, my issue with racebending is because I believe :

1) Race bent characters garner more attention than canonically non white characters 

2) I believe it is straying away from the theme of personifying nations 

Not

3) I want make sweeping decisions for all poc

"we don't make this content to be your "competition" as you put it"

I did not say that I had an issue with POC creators making race bent hetalia ocs because I believe that POC creators who do this are doing it specifically to compete with other OC makers.

I said racebent white characters are my competition and give an elaboration on why that is. Not "you guys make racebent white characters to be my competition."

Also, no, I can't control what resonates with people. I can't control people consuming racebent characters at a higher rate than actual non white characters and I never said I wanted to. I can be critical about it though and that's what I've done here. Me being critical of racebending does not equal me trying to dictate what poc hetalians do or to make decisions for them. 

Being publicly critical IS trying to persuade people and that's what I did and was aiming to do, but there is a difference between persuasion and trying to dictate people which is what you and others have accused me of doing. I want to ask why you (and others like you) saw my post as a personal attack and an attempt at dictation rather than a generalised post criticising the consumption of racebent white characters vs non white characters.

This last comment of yours I found really egregious.

"and stop invoking nazi germany as a rhetorical device. your words are unbelievably erasive of the racial hierarchy and widespread segregation that already existed for a thousand years in europe. nazi germany was bound to have picked up some ideas from elsewhere along the way but it was first and foremost "inspired" by its own bullshit. end of."

I invoked Nazi Germany as a "rhetorical device"? NAZI GERMANY WAS QUITE LITERALLY INSPIRED BY THE U.S AND HOW THEY'D TREAT THEIR MINORITIES. THIS IS ACTUAL HISTORY. Further, me saying that Nazi Germany was inspired by America is NOT me saying "America was the main inspiration for Nazi Germany and nothing else". 

I find it crazy how you accuse me of bringing up Nazi Germany as a cheap "gotcha!" when THIS is the point you're responding to:

Why I, as a Filipino, PERSONALLY, do not like POC Alfred depictions. Because of these reasons. I was not pulling Nazi Germany references out of my ass for the sake of it. 

I think what you're doing right now is actually overstepping by accusing me of bringing up Nazi Germany rhetoric as a way to shut people up, rather than it being a genuine explanation as to why I am personally uncomfortable with poc America depictions.

I find it insane that you think I'm bringing up Nazi Germany merely as a shock tactic when the reality is that America has hurt people - including my people, and yes, America was one of Nazi Germany's inspirations.

"From boyhood on, Hitler devoured the Westerns of the popular German novelist Karl May. In 1928, Hitler remarked, approvingly, that white settlers in America had “gunned down the millions of redskins to a few hundred thousand.” When he spoke of Lebensraum, the German drive for “living space” in Eastern Europe, he often had America in mind."

"Whitman methodically explores how the Nazis took inspiration from American racism of the late nineteenth and early twentieth centuries. He notes that, in “Mein Kampf,” Hitler praises America as the one state that has made progress toward a primarily racial conception of citizenship, by “excluding certain races from naturalization.”

To everyone who thinks I just made that up Nazi Germany point up simply for the shock factor.

You clearly have no idea what America did to the Philippines so for you to cheapen down my reasoning for why I personally don't like poc America as a Filipino into just bringing up Nazi Germany rhetoric for the sake of it is. Vile. 

Sure, my OG post definitely could have been worded better. But me getting floods of hateful anons who are still accusing me of policing minorities and trying to silence poc creators when I've already clarified that this was not what I wanted to do 

AND getting people in my inbox accusing me of faking the fact I am Filipino AND the fact that there is now a post floating about implying that I'm white/ I don't have a right to be upset with poc Alfred depictions because I'm not brown (I'm literally Filipino) , therefore attempting to revoke my fucking identity I think is an extremely disproportionate reaction to my post. I've only gotten (2) constructive anons who did fundamentally disagree with me in the end but who were at least respectful. Literally all of the other anons I've received have been downright vitriolic, hateful and racist so forgive me for also being an asshole to the few I responded to.

[delilahdoesthings]

Carly the Virgin

Read the full fic here

Like most situations Carly found herself in, this one was a complete accident.

Carly sat nervously in the waiting room, anxious for her name to be called. She was 23 years old and today would be her very first pap smear.

She sighed loudly. The woman two chairs over gave her a dirty look. Carly was not looking forward to this. She’d barely gotten any sleep last night, staying up late texting Beau plans for their second anniversary dinner in two weeks. Beau was planning a romantic candlelight dinner at his place and Carly couldn’t wait.

“Carly?” The medical assistant walked out. “The doctor will see you now.”

Carly followed her back into the exam room.

“Go ahead and change into this gown, the doctor will be by in just a moment.”

The door shut behind her, and Carly made quick work of changing. She sat on the table and closed her eyes just for a moment…

“Hi, Carly? Are you ready for your insemination?” Carly woke up with a start.

“What…yeah, sorry late night last night.” Carly yawned, and then frowned. “You aren’t Dr. Anderson.”

“Dr. Anderson is on her honeymoon, I’m covering for some of her patients.” The doctor explained. “My name is Dr. Puckett.”

“Oh okay.” Carly shrugged.

“Go ahead and lay back on the table, this will only take a minute.” Carly laid back, and true to Dr. Puckett’s word, the procedure was over just like that.

“Alright, you are all set. Go ahead and check back in a couple weeks.”

“Thank you, Dr. Puckett.” Carly said with a smile.

Two weeks later, Carly was on her way to work with her brother. Carly was a cocktail waitress at a local resort while her brother Spencer, who was an artist, doubled as a bartender.

“Anyway, so as I was saying.” Spencer said. “Socko bet me a hundred dollars I couldn’t do it but I did! It’s not my fault the light up sock tree sculpture caught on fire.”

Carly frowned. “Spencer, I don’t feel good.” Spencer put his hand to Carly’s forehead. “You don’t feel warm.”

“No like I’m gonna…” Carly’s eyes rolled back and she blacked out.

The next thing Carly knew, she was waking up in a room that felt too small, too cold. Spencer grabbed her hand. “Thank god you’re alright.” He said. “You’ve been out for a while.”

“What happened?”

“You passed out on the bus.” He said, pressing the call nurse button. The nurse came almost immediately.

“Welcome back to the land of the living.” The nurse joked, and handed Carly a cup. “We’re gonna need a sample from you in order to run some tests.”

“Okay.” Carly nodded. “Sounds fine.”

One hour later, a doctor walked in.

“Well, good news is we know what caused the fainting spell.” She said. “Congratulations, Carly. You’re pregnant.”

Carly burst into laughter. “No, no. I can’t be pregnant.” She said. “I’m a virgin.”

The doctor side-eyed Spencer. “Perhaps we should talk in private.”

“No, we don’t need to talk in private.” Carly insisted. “Maybe it’s a false positive!”

“False negatives are common. False positives are very rare.”

Carly began to hyperventilate. What was going on here? She knew she’d never had sex.

“Take a deep breath.” Spencer instructed. “Doctor, is there any possible way you could have mixed up the test results?”

“We label the samples as soon as we come into contact with them.” The doctor confirmed. “We can get you a list of resources, and I recommend making an appointment with an OB/GYN as soon as possible.”

“Oh I’m going to be making an appointment alright.” Carly said darkly as the doctor left the room. She pulled her phone from her purse.

“Hi, can I speak to Dr. Puckett? Oh, okay, can I leave a message…thank you….Hi, Dr. Puckett, it’s Carly Shay. I’m calling because I’m in the emergency room, and some doctor told me I’m pregnant, but that’s not possible. Please call me back as soon as you can. Thank you.” Carly hung up and put her face in her hands.

“You okay, Carls?” Spencer asked, placing one hand on his sister’s back.

“Do I look okay?” Carly snapped and immediately deflated. “I’m sorry. What is going on with me?! I can’t be pregnant, it’s not possible. Maybe I’m dying! Maybe I have some rare disease that-”

“Carly, enough.” Spencer said sternly. “We’ll get to the bottom of this. In the meantime, just try to relax. We can’t have you fainting again.”

“You’re right.” Carly pouted. “But when I get home I am definitely going to have another capri sun.”

Two hours later, Carly was sitting on her couch anxiously sipping her capri sun when Freddie walked in the door.

“Woah, that kind of day?” Freddie raised both his eyebrows.

“Don’t even get me started.” Carly rolled her eyes. “First I passed out on the bus, then I get to the hospital where some doctor lady tries to tell me I’m pregnant. Me. Pregnant!”

“But you’re a virgin!”

“Exactly!” Carly exclaimed. “Clearly there must be something seriously wrong with me.”

“Aaannnd I wouldn’t go that far.” Freddie shook his head. “There’s gotta be some explanation for this that doesn’t involve you literally dying.”  

“Hopefully Dr. Puckett will be able to sort this all out when I see her tomorrow.”

“Did you say Dr. Puckett?”

“Yeah, why?”

“That’s Pearl’s doctor. She just saw her a couple weeks ago.” Freddie said. “Huh. Weird coincidence.”

“Yeah, weird.” Carly shrugged.

The next day, Carly and Spencer were seated in Dr. Puckett’s office waiting for the doctor to join them.

“Thanks for coming with me.” Carly said. “I hope everything gets sorted out.”

“Me too.” Spencer said, squeezing her shoulder. “And quickly. I have a meeting with a mysterious millionaire benefactor whose commissions could make me super rich.”

Carly rolled her eyes just as Dr. Puckett walked in.

“Sorry to keep you waiting.” The doctor said. “Now, let’s get down to business.”

“Right. Well, I was on the way to work yesterday when I passed out on the bus. I got to the emergency room where some crazy doctor tried to tell me I’m pregnant! Which I can’t be, because I’ve never had sex.”

“Okay.” Dr. Puckett. “The reason you received a positive pregnancy test would be because I accidentally artificially inseminated you two weeks ago.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Carly was dumbfounded. “Are you kidding me? Like, is this an actual joke?!”

“I’m afraid not.” Dr. Puckett replied. “But I can give you a prescription for some pills, and it’ll be like it never happened.”

“Oh except it won’t be.” Carly exploded. “Because I am going to sue your pants off.”  

Spencer stood up and grabbed Carly by the arm. “Okay, time to go.” He paused and glared at Dr. Puckett. “You’ll be hearing from her lawyer.”

Carly made it two steps out of the building before she burst into tears.

“Hey, hey.” Spencer wrapped his sister in a hug. “It’s gonna be okay.”

“No, it’s not!” Carly wailed. “What am I going to tell Beau?!”

“I mean…” Spencer hesitated. “You don’t have to tell him.”

Carly pulled away. “Are you crazy? He’s my boyfriend! I have to tell him!”

“Okay, well definitely make sure you do it before you head over there tonight, preferably with at least an hour’s notice.”

Carly narrowed her eyes. “That was oddly specific and kind of weird.”

“What, me? Oddly specific and kind of weird? It’s like you don’t know me at all!”

“What are you hiding?” Carly asked, crossing her arms.

“What?! I’m hiding nothing!” Spencer lasted about three seconds. “Okay, so maybe Beau is kind of…possibly… planningtoproposeandinvitedeveryoneyouknowtocomecelebrate…?”

“Can you repeat that, but slower this time.”

Spencer sighed. “Beau is planning to propose and invited all your friends and family to come celebrate. He even got Dad to come in from out of town.”

Carly’s jaw dropped. “Beau’s planning to propose?! But we’ve only been together two years!”

“That was…not the reaction I thought you’d have.” Spencer said as they sat down at the bus stop. “Look, you have a bigger problem on your hands. What are you going to do about the baby?”

“Please don’t call it the baby.” Carly begged. “I’m still trying to wrap my head around all this. Why on earth would Beau think it was a good idea to propose?!”

“Uh, maybe because you guys have been together for two years and he loves you?”

“That means nothing!”

“Okay, Carly, I really think you need to cut down on the capri suns.”

One hour later, Carly entered Freddie’s apartment unannounced to see him sitting on his couch, his head in his hands.

“Woah what’s wrong with you?” Carly asked, momentarily distracted from her own situation. It kicked her in the gut to see Freddie sad.

“You know how I set some sperm aside from when I got my vasectomy, just in case I changed my mind?” Freddie said. “Well, turns out Pearl stole my sample and artificially inseminated herself to try and fix our relationship. She just got back from the doctor, she’s not pregnant. And now our relationship is over.”

“I’m so sorry. But what are the odds?.” Carly snorted. “Because I just got back from the doctor. She artificially inseminated me on accident and now I’m pregnant.”

“That sucks.” They sat in silence for a few moments.

“Hey, wait a minute.” Carly said, standing up with her hand on her chest. “Didn’t you say Dr. Puckett was Pearl’s doctor too?”

“Yeah…” Freddie said slowly.

“And this would have happened two weeks ago.”

“Where are you going with th- oh.” Freddie stood up, eyes wide.

“Now you get it.”

“Oh my god.” Freddie said. “I’m the father.”

[thepocket221]

Can you do Lorelai Blyndeff on a date with her s/o?

GASP THATS CUTE ACTUALLY OMG

edit: it kept deleting parts of fic so i’m getting rid of the cut! LONG POST WOOOO

On a Date with Lorelai Blyndeff!

🐰🫧💖💜

For her, the destination for your date was just a hop, skip, and a jump. However, you lived further away, so you had to resort to taking the bus. It didn’t help that it was fairly loud and really, really gross.. and that it was a bit behind schedule. Not only yours, but the entire bus times were 5 minutes behind! It began to eat at you; the thought that your significant other might think you’re standing her up! You quickly pull your phone out to reassure her that you would in fact be there! Despite your frantic frenzy to text your girlfriend, your attention had been brought to the the slowing down of the very long vehicle. Okay, this had to be your stop…

It was.

Your unfinished text was shut off with your phone and shoved into your pocket as you scurried off the bus, thanking the bus driver as you left.

It was a little ways off from where you wanted, but you know, running is and option.

An option you didn’t hesitate in making!

You bolted down the sidewalk to your girlfriend, Lorelai Blyndeff, who was looking at her phone; her mannerisms were rather worried.

“L-LORI!!” You yelled with the small amount of breath you had left. Okay, maybe running wasn’t the best option; could have thought that one out more, huh..

Her melancholy body language immediately changed as she quickly turned around, “UGH!! What took you so long!” She pouted playfully only to stumble backwards when you quite literally jumped into her arms. She gave you a lovingly-aggressive hug back.

“hEY-” she nearly pushed the little wind left whilst picking you up and spinning the two of you on the ball of her foot, “some of us don’t live conveniently around the corner from cute shops, LORI.” you teased back as she let your feet touch the floor again. Was she always that strong?? The thought itched the back of your mind.

“Plus, the bus was running late. I tried to text you but I got here as soon as I was about to send it.” You mentioned.

“OH” her shocked demeanor became more known, “Not gonna lie, when I saw how long you were typing, I thought you were breaking up with me.”

“NO!!!?!?!” you huffed, remembering how out of breath you were, “I was [GASP] running here.”

“I could not tell lol.” She teased.

Upon recollecting yourself and your ability to breathe, you were able to take in her full outfit. ‘Oh, she actually went through with it.’ you thought in a positive connotation. She was cosplaying a rather familiar-looking bunny. The way she perfectly styled her hair to look like bunny ears was adorable; she was so creative!

“God, you’re so pretty!” You gushed at your lovely gal pal.

The lovely little Lori in question put a hand on her cheek, twirled her hair, and averted her eyes from you to in her blushy state, “Pfft, aww thanks!” With the same hand that was on her cheek, she removed from there only to make a playful shooing motion at you.

“Anywho, before my little sister bursts a blood vessel because I’m not at work (when i have the day off by the way) let’s go in! I’ve been dying to go here with you!!” Her annoyed tone at the mention of her sister was whisked away as she took your hand and brought you into the café.

The amount of days Lorelai “had off” were very concerning.. Especially considering her family’s financial situation. But if she wanted to spend them with you? You could let the malpractice slide for now.

As soon as the two of you had entered the shop, the little treats, drinks, and various merchandise that seemingly littered the many shelves in a rather hurried-decorative manner had her mesmerized. You too of course, but you were more focused on her lovely flabbergasted expression. She absolutely loved everything she was taking in, even if it was extremely overpriced!

What mainly caught your attention though, was an adorable bunny backpack. It was small in size but oh-so-very-soft to the touch! It wasn’t really Lori’s favorite color, but there’s nothing dye can’t fix! But if you wanted to get it for her, it wouldn’t be today. You can’t just buy a present for someone when they’re in the same store as you! How do you hide that?

Aside from that matter, there was quite a more pressing one at hand: who’s paying for what?

“So uh,,” you piped up, “sorry to ask again, but were you paying for the drinks or was I? I mean, I don’t mind! I just wasted to make sure-”

“Chill, sweet thing. You can pay for yourself, don’t worry about me!” She pointed her thumb back at herself in her usual, overly-confident manor, “My dad slipped me some extra cash, so I could even pay for you!” she grinned.

You wanted to question how Martin was allowed to have any sort of “extra money”, but hey, if Lori was happy, you could let it slide for now.

“Not to mention my 20% discount on food and drink!” Her thumbs quickly turned to a finger gun which she pointed at you! And she winked! Ooh, sassy!

You let out a giggle, “Hehe, alrighty.”

——

The drinks you two had ordered were absolutely scrummy! Just cram-jam full of flavor! Not to mention the chips she had bought were to die for! This place was definitely worth the wait.

“This was a lot of fun!” you began, giving a little kiss to your girlfriend, “Even if it were for a short time, I’m glad i got to spend it with you, Lori.”

The sincerity of your words cut through her heart as she looked at you with dumb tears appearing in the corner of her eye, “Aww, really?” Did she not hear that enough??

“Yeah of course!” You hugged her.

The hug lasted a bit longer than you expected. You didn’t mind of course, you loved your girlfriend and wanted her to feel loved too.

When the two of yo let go of each other, a rather suspicious noise came from behind your back.

‘Shit.’ You thought, ‘Maybe she didn’t hear tha-

“Oh? Did you buy something else?” She gave you a skeptical glance, trying to see what was behind you.

“O-OH- No..! Just the,” what could you possibly make up on the fly that she would totally believe, “The fake plant….?” Nailed it.

“Babe.” Her skepticism turned to a harsh-looking dead pan stare, “Babe, now you have to show me. That was so bad.!” She laughed.

Dammit.

“Okay yeah, that’s fair.” You easily gave up. I mean, you were going to give this to her anyways—just not in its current condition— so it’s not like this is really spoiling any big surprise.

When Lorelai had mentioned they would be going back outside due to the crowd forming, you saw your opportunity! You stated you were going to look around a bit more and that you would meet her on the bench with all of the fake, decorative plants on it. She slipped you a kiss and agreed. Once she had left, you rushed to the bunny plush-shaped backpack and almost slammed it on the counter, “How much for this?” You quickly questioned the cashier. They said 45$, you said sure, and now here you are, the surprise spoiled for you significant other. Darn packaging!!

Nonetheless, youu obliged with her request and brought forth the very crinkly bag, “You can go ahead and open it. I was gonna keep it a surprise until Valentine’s Day, but since I kinda ruined it..” You shrugged with a slightly embarrassed giggled while handing Lorelai the bag.

She took it and immediately looked inside. Her gasp made her sound like the was having a heart attack, and it didn’t help that she dropped the bag. Her agape mouth trembled with glee as her hands began to shake, “OMG BABE YOU DIDN’T!!!?!??!” She quickly picked the bag back up to only pull out another bag! But this was not just any bag! It was the cute little bunny backpack!

“I LITERALLY- OMG I-“ HER EXCITEMENT CANNOT BE CONTAINED!! She hastily grabbed you by your shirt’s collar and pulled you in for a quick yet genuine kiss on the lips. It only lasted a second, but holy balls did it feel like an eternity went by when she did, “I LOVE IT!!!!” She squeezed it.

“Really? I thought-”

“WHATEVER YOU THOUGHT IS COOL AND ALL BUT I WILL LOVE AND CHERISH THIS FOREVER OMG I LOVE YOU!!!” Man she really did like bunnies, huh.

You giggled as you managed to find one of her hands and slipped it into your own, “I’m glad, Lori.” You kissed her hand.

Today was a good day.

[discocandles]

It's been a bit since I rewatched Season 2 of totally spies, but I have a thing. A theory, if you will.

A main thing at season 2's beginning is Sam, clover and Alex are all like the same dude(also probably Mandy), and compete over him.

David has a lot of different interests at the same time, that's how the girls meet him separately, and how they try to flirt with him. But he never seems to go on dates with any of them(except maybe Mandy, most often they just show up to a thing next to each other). Any time he is spending time with the girls, he's far more interested in the subject rather than who's joining him. And any attempts to flirt with him seem to go over his head.

But after a certain episode, he disappeared for a while. Ski trip. And I want to talk about episode. Something changed: there's a new hot guy, Todd. After they get off the bus, neither Mandy nor clover are interested in David.

David is in like 3 scenes in the episode. On the bus and the girls are trying to get his attention, on the ski lift and he's more interested in the hobby at hand rather than going with Sam to take pictures of the mountains. And the last one.

So Mandy gets kidnapped in front of Todd, and he goes into the living room and tells Sam, Clover, Alex, and David that she's been kidnapped. The girls cheer, but both Todd and David are worried about this. So the girls leave the resort to save her.

But without the guys. For reasons unexplained. (Other than it's spy time)

Now I'm no expert, but if I heard that someone got kidnapped, I would absolutely not let the people who's first reaction was to celebrate, and who know the culprit's name go to save them alone. Or let them go at all, no matter the reaction.

They never talk about splitting up, getting help, why the girls know who kidnapped Mandy. They just cut to the girls alone outside, and David isn't there for the rest of the episode, except maybe a face in the crowd during the race. And after that episode, he's MIA for the rest of the season.

Honestly David didn't need to be in the living room scene at all. But the writers and animators put him there.

Ok, from this point on, this is a conspiracy board.

First off, David is not attracted to women. Reasons, the caring more about the hobby bit, this is only around girls, granted he basically never has interactions with guys. when Sam tries to flirt with him he literally says "well I'll keep my eye out for you," in response to her saying it'd be nice to share a nice view with a boy. Like buddy. Plus he's in hs theater, and everyone in hs theater is quite gay with limited exceptions.

Second, there's a scene with David in ski trip that was probs cut for time. There is no way you can cheer hearing someone was kidnapped, and then go out to save them easily. The girls needed a reason they could leave all by themselves. I think they didn't have to do much tho to ditch them, bc David has been shown to always want to help people close to him rather than insane acts of service.

it'd probs be David saying to Todd "wow you look kinda shaken up. Wanna go get some hot chocolate and prep for the race tonight?"(not bc he wants to get to know this guy) Todd automatically agrees to bc his whole personality is "I'm amazing at sports, and going to win the race that's happening." They leave talking about the race, clover gives a line about how she wants to go too, but goes with Sam and Alex.

What scene would I cut to add this? Take time away from Mandy and Gelee. After the whole Mandy-clover swap thing, we didn't need to see them until the girls found the cabin. All we need is to hear some shrill noises and Clover complaining about Mandy's voice.

Third, David and Todd probably started dating working together to help Todd's snowboarding meets strategy after, yup that's it. That's why David isn't around in bev hills high until season 3, for one episode. Yeah I think future shock was written way earlier.

In conclusion, David from totally spies was totally gay.

[angeloelip]

In April 2023 my Family plan to go on a vacation where we can refresh and celebrate my Mother’s birthday. I actually suggest to have a vacation there since my Father lives in San Antonio Zambales so we can have a vacation and relatives visit too.

My Mom and Dad were not together so we don’t see each other for long time we can only see our Father if we visit him. Some of us rode a bus to get there it is 4 to 5 hours travel. We are so excited specially me because it is my first time to visit the place specially the beaches added up some excitement when my eldest sister tell us stories on how beautiful the beaches in there and telling us what we can do.

We go straight ahead to little Villa beach resort, since we need to celebrate my mom’s birthday first.

The resort has several cottages made up of Kawayan. There are two big rooms for visitors who want to stay overnight, one is air-conditioned. They call it family room. We choose to have the kawayan cottages, we really love to have this old version of staycation.

I really love the place, I felt peace all over my body. I can say I can relax in this place.

Pundaquit beach is located in San Antonio, Zambales it is my Father’s hometown.

Pundaquit is one of the barangays in San Antonio. In Zambales, when you say Pundaquit, most locals refer to it as beach. Maybe because of the fact that the barangay resides in a coastal area. So when people say “let’s go to Pundaquit,” it’s tantamount to saying “let’s go to the beach.

For someone like me who can simply appreciate the abundance of nature, it will always be a pleasure to see beaches deluge with mountains and trees. Pundaquit doesn’t offer white sand and turquoise-like water, but it proffers natural glow which makes you feel away from pollution and draggy vibe of the city

How could you not be amazed on a scene where sea waves directly hit the rocky mountain’s foot before it reaches the shore? How could you not be mesmerized to the perfect view of sunset?

Pundaquit also serves as terminal point of the tourists hankering to see Anawangin Cove, Nagsasa Cove and Capones Island. From Pundaquit, it takes 30 minutes to reach Anawangin, more than an hour to Nagsasa, and 25 minutes to Capones.

With fine and greyish sand, the sea water is abruptly deep few meters from the shoreline. Resort owners describe it as “biglang lalim” and warn visitors who do not know how to swim not to go farther to avoid any undesirable incidents. It’s not like any other beaches where even if you’re already 10 meters away from the shore, water level remains chest-deep

This is absolutely a perfect beach for swimmers and surfers who look for added adventure during their stay. The primary source of income of people living around the area is fishing. So expect that while you’re swimming, fisherfolks flock in the area taking advantage of the vast sea to catch fish. This scene is very visible in the wee hours of the morning. It somehow benefits picnic goers craving for fresh fish since fisherfolks sell it at very reasonable prices. You can cook, fry or grill freshly catch seafoods.

There is a lot of souvenir shops from locals that we can purchased for our friends and families but also to help people in there to support there living.

The municipality of San Antonio Zambales makes sure that they are doing there best to enhance the beauty of the place.

As I surely love to go back over and over, my hopes are also high that its inhabitants would preserve it as what it is at present and keep the beach untouched by modernity. I believe it is better keep that way.

[beautifullybrave1111]

INTRODUCTION 10-8-2023

I haven't picked up a pen in over 20 years. It sort of showed me my age because I realized instead of writing I am typing my thoughts into my phone. Not ideal, but technology calls. My next obstacle to conquer, what to write about. I could give you a whole series with 8 books with all the thoughts in my head. So how about a memoir. Something simple but maybe able to help someone in thier early 20s.

I'm a 38 year old female living in Baltimore County, Maryland. One of my main goals in life it to help women realize that it is okay to put yourself first. Although, this lovely process of life I didn't figure out until 2020 at the age of 34.

Before that I was just a regular sheltered girl who was very vulnerable and gullible. I was born in 1985 in Baltimore City, Maryland to my mother Penny and father, John. We will get to my father later. But first, my mom.

Growing up wasn't always easy but my mother always made sure we were okay. My mother has a very raw personality and no filter, which is one of my favorite characteristics about her. There was nothing that she wouldn't do for me. She worked the jobs taking care of me after she left my father when I was 5. My grandmothers stepped up to the plate to help my mother with me so she could work. Even though I was a sheltered child, I know now that she wanted me safe. She would never allow another man to ever hurt me. She was successful. Although my mother worked so hard to take care of me, we now have a bond that alot of parents don't have with thier children. Our mother daughter dates started as a tradition and has lasted to this current day.

All it takes is a little coffee and some thrift shopping.

My father on the other hand had created a little life full of drugs and alcohol. This resorted to my mother leaving my father in 1990. There's just something about a man who sells his daughters toys for drug money that you can't forgive.

At this point in my life I know exactly what happened in the past and why it happened. But my momma did a good job in making sure that my childhood remained intact while my father walked away while it burned. Listen, I'm not a "whoa is me type girl" but this leads to the current trauma in my life. Two years ago my father had a suicide attempt where he took ambien and drank alcohol, and thought it would be a good idea to drive. Turns out he did this on purpose and crashed his car into a pole (attempting to kill himself)

Here is the kicker, it was my fault.

What is it about men making women responsible for thier temper tantrums. At the time my father didn't seem to understand that my 5 year old at the time was in school. Kids get sick. Kids have homework but since we didn't have enough time for him, he decided to attempt to end his life. Then blame me. I guess this shouldn't suprise me considering the fact that when I was younger I was 5 minutes late to visit him. He then proceeded to lock the door and listen to me knock asking him to open the door. I'm getting ahead of myself.

As a child always knew the importance of hard work and self care. My mom sold Mary Kay for goodness sake. Facials all the time, Walks to Santonis, the laundromat, riding the bus to get places, I was definitely taught to take care of myself and always be myself.

My mom didn't want me to depend on any man. Little did we know I would come out of the closet at 16.

I mean I had a boyfriend at 15 but I truly felt love when I met my first girlfriend. From that point on I always connected with Females and I knew that is who I was. My mother is very pro gay. She couldn't care less and honestly already knew when I told her. This made me so happy.

At this point, I would usually only see my father weekly on Thursdays. Not saying everything was bad.

Wait until you read the chapter on my step dad. He is the man who raised me and my number one favorite guy. He does it all but walk on water. I'm the woman I am today because of him and my mother. Thier bond and willingness to raise me differently is what really made a difference.

As a grown woman with my own family, small farm and the knowledge of growth. I'm doing pretty damn good.

This book is to help anyone realize that no matter what happens in life you can break generational curses to save your children from any trauma you went through.

[nil-the-glitch]

... is there any other Nil Lore we should know about?

Oh jeez lets see if I can remember it all...

Creepypasta fan during late middleschool/early highschool to the point of scratching a Cheshire grin in our face with a safety pin. Yes I appreciate the irony of it being a safety pin even now.

Also in highschool, got expelled from the first one for (very lightly!!!) threatening a jock with a knife because he was being a dick who wouldn't just pick another bus seat and instead sat in the same one as me, pinning me in. But again, I was very polite - I didn't even open it up! Just showed him I had it.

Second highschool I went to court again over having weed.

Both of these cases were thrown out though and disappeared entirely once I turned 18.

Ate climbing nightshade and lived. You cannot kill me in a way that matters. Yes, it tasted sweet, but it had a slightly drying/tannin-y aftertaste.

Again with highschool - I ran into a moving bus to stop it because it was leaving without me. It worked. For a split second though I thought I was dead and it was kinda peaceful before I recognized that, actually, I could still hear the bus engine running so I must actually be alive.

Chose internal nerve damage via rubbing alcohol up the vageen in order to avoid the then-boyfriends 5-minute mistake that would have otherwise been an 18-year mistake at minimum. Sat there with a straight face while talking to his mother.

Generic parental abuse backstory (a must have for every boss bitch ^-^)

(bio dad gets points for creativity though, I've never heard of anyone else using the bladed side of a cheese grater to spank their child at least)

Went to nursing collage, and the night before my first day of on-site training (as opposed to book learning), drank enough straight vodka (which was bought to be used as a cleaning agent from how high-proof it was) to be falling over while sitting and the nerves under my skin to be buzzing. Survived what probably should have been alcohol poisoning and went in the next day with only a mild headache.

Graduated that nursing college with full 4.0 GPA btw

That ex who almost got me pregnant? Pointed a rifle at me once. That was fun and exciting.

Another ex of mine was online harassing me to the point of resorting to Facebook Messenger to get in contact with me. I eventually contacted his mother about it, she took him to a hospital, and it turns out he had encephalitis that was effecting his behavior and perception. Still have him blocked on Discord though. Guess I technically saved his life maybe??

Also dated a guy who was a Strade kinnie, but they were like... 26 at the time, and I was.... 16? 17? A concerning gap was there. Also they later ended up kinning Lucifer, like, from the actual Bible and not a show or anything. Actual Lucifer.

All around I have a very questionable taste in men actually yet somehow I'm still alive.

Starting to develop a slight complex around it maybe. Go ahead and try bitch. I'll thank you for giving me a reason to be unhinged tho <3

[thedysphoriadiaries]

Entry 43 - 7 March 2023, 1:28am

I feel... different.

It's the second day of that patch being on, and, for some reason, I feel... like there's some energy within me again; I feel... alive? (yet, I want to bury my head into my bed and scream and cry)

It could be the placebo (knowing that I put that patch on myself), or it could be me feeling what I think I should be feeling.

Or maybe it could be me finally feeling better after being pissed at myself for wanting to be a girl whom I saw on the bus.

Yeah, maybe that juxtaposition does explain what I feel.

...

I really wonder what the people in the server have to say about my decision to take the Free Trial™.

I know that at least one of them would say that the person who gave it to me was too much of an influence.

I know that others would say that I chose to take that, and would defend that decision.

As for where I stand?

I personally don't know why I took the patches, for any other reason other than the fact that I knew two things:

Hormones (and your reactions to them) are mostly guided by what you want; cross-sex hormones tend to elicit dysphoric feelings in those who don't want said changes, ie., those who are cisgender.

It was a last resort - a more direct approach as a direct counter to the maze of cognition that I have spun for myself (which, I might add, I chose to tackle without professional help).

Isn't it amazing to feel your desires and motivations swirl into incomprehensibility?

I wonder if the hugbox is where I should stay.

The kindness that it exudes is somewhat... uncanny, for some reason. I get it - the kindness and acceptance in there is, well, there, since the world is actively trying to criminalize people like us. But then again, I'm... not suffering.

I read the entries of a certain someone (a certain someone who's been talking to me quite a bit, I suppose), and I think about how much better (?) I have it. I merely have the desire to be a girl.

I am not having panic attacks the same way other people do. The sidelines aren't empty; I see the faint silhouettes of many other people, looking outwards, into a life they desire, but will never have due to the way they were born.

Making this all about me is the single most selfish thing I've ever done. Yet, I'm sitting here, typing, with a patch on my abdomen. My parents don't know. Nobody but you, the reader, my brother, and I know about it.

The reality of life, that being that society isn't welcoming to people like us, makes me think about the little saying,

If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

I only have that (undistilled, uncrystallized) desire to be a girl. I have lived with it for thirteen years. I can survive, unlike some of the others, some of whom would have taken their own lives if not for transitioning.

I wonder why I flirt with such a dangerous decision before having any clarity of my own, or before I explore other options.

...

I still remember the time when I said I was not proud of my own masculinity. It's where the statement of my rejection of my own masculinity came from. Yet, as people around me tell me that men can reject masculinity, I start to lose the ground which I stood on. I don't know how to explain how I felt that rejection and shame of my own masculinity on such a level that felt so fundamental to my being.

I still don't know how to explain it. But maybe I'm just thinking in binaries again, the same thing I told my ex-partner not to do.

I remember when I first touched my ex-partner's chest. It was my hand, under her shirt. Of course, me, being me, at the time, I'd enjoyed it. Sexually. It only took a year, or two years of that, for a little inkling of a voice within me to wish for her features. Again, like the thought of not wanting to be a guy anymore, the feeling of missing something on my chest crept up on me, too soft for me to hear it over the noise of my life then, but I hear it now. I still feel it sometimes, when I sling the sling of my bag (wow I really love using the word sling) over my shoulders. I occasionally have the feeling like I should have something more, where my chest is. Either that, or I'm aware of how bare my chest is (and I get the compulsion to cover up).

Looking back now... it makes sense as to why I always wanted to be in close physical contact with her. She has the features I don't have, but want. Maybe the motivations for that desire are sexual. Maybe they're not. I don't know now. Will I ever know?

What do I say? That you're my boyfriend?

That sentence strikes me the wrong way, especially within the later parts of the relationship that I had. The initial thought was that I was not worthy enough of a partner to be my partner's boyfriend.

Now that I come to think about it, though, there was a certain element of not being able to connect with the boy in boyfriend. Either that, or I saw my partner as my equal. Not a treasure.

I didn't understand why the boyfriends in the couples I saw around me acted the way they did. I never could see myself in them.

But, maybe... just... maybe, there was no love in that relationship.

I found my role as the boyfriend utterly... repulsive. I hated it when she referred to me as her boyfriend. I just wanted to be there for my partner. What was wrong with it? Why couldn't I do it on my own terms? (Maybe I'm aromantic, but who knows?)

Come to think about it, the way I approached our relationship dynamics was pretty similar to an approach a same-sex (or same-gender) couple would take - there were no gender roles for either to fulfill, just roles to be taken up, as per an agreement, or to either partner's strengths.

I suppose that's why I drove my partner away. I couldn't fulfill what she asked of me. Either that, or the jealousy I harbored towards her slice of life, and how she lived, drove the wedge between us, even before I told her I wanted to not be a guy. Either that, or it's other things, like sociopathic tendencies, or depression.

Yet, I don't know how much of this is tainted by my anger. Or by the emotions that I have been feeling these couple of months. Take all this with a mountain of salt. Better yet, with an entire galaxy cluster's worth of salt.

Day three on estrogen will come upon me, after I sleep.

May it grant the clarity I seek.

...

cool song time, for I've been a fool