#and lots of different ingredients you can use !!

[brokenribs]

Literally it's so interesting how I've developed similar systems as someone with adhd who lives alone - I have a wide cakestand on my bathroom shelf that holds all my daily toiletries. I use a bookstand near my reading chair to store books, lotion, pens and paper, craft projects, etc. I have a "going out station" near my front door to drop my keys & wallet so I don't lose them. Genuinely these things are sooo helpful.

Some other things that I've found really help:

-food items that go bad quickly dont live in drawers in the fridge

-A box under the sink for refills/rarely used toiletries is really helpful

-I always keep a coaster and lotion/lip balm at my desk

-mini trashbins EVERYWHERE - i even have one on my bathroom counter for cotton pads/floss/etc

-A magnet for your dishwasher that says clean/dirty

-I have some organizers on my counter for things I eat a lot (in my case, rice, tea, peanut butter) & all my snacks live in a different (more inconvenient) cupboard from ingredients

-Keep one of those soap filled handle sponges near the shower so you can give it a quick scrub when you're in there

I'm definitely going to try storing cleaning supplies in more places, and getting a coat rack.

From the book Organizing Solutions for People with ADHD:

Putting a coat on the back of a chair by the door is fine, but if you prefer, use coat hooks and a large catch-all basket for dropping keys, hats, gloves.

Small bookcase end-table next to the couch to store craft projects, books, and other things being worked on for easy access.

Add a storage unit near the dining room table to transition between eating and working there.

Daily toiletry items should be stored in a basket that you can move easily

Extra toiletries and medicine cabinet items go in open shelf/basket storage so they can be seen and used easily. If items no longer fit, purge the excess. Don’t obscure the view!

If you disrobe in the bathroom, place a tall hamper in there.

Keep a set of cleaning supplies in each bathroom

[godmadeaterribleerror]

Chapter 1 - In My Brain and In My Blood

Series Masterlist - Main Masterlist

Author's Note: This story is non-canon compliant rewrite, but primarily plot wise. Think of it as we're cooking with all the same ingredients (i.e lore, characters, setting, and backstory) but with one change (you) that gets us to a drastically different ending.

What the means is that there will be a lot of similar plot points to the real Supernatural, but the further we go through the story the more it will diverge. I've also take some creative labor with the reader, adding lore that's defiantly not a part of canon, but crucial to this story.

If you have any questions about this, feel free to ask! If not, I hope you enjoy the story!

Chapter title is from The End by Halsey

Word Count: 16.3k

Chapter Summary/Warnings: See the Masterlist for a Summary. Contains usual tags.

Tags: Dean Winchester/Female Reader, enemies to friends to lovers, canon divergence, slow burn, smut, angst, fluff

Chapter 2

Read on A03!

You know a few things about the dark.

It’s alive inside you. It has been your whole life. It makes your words too harsh and your brain too sharp and your love too big. It’s makes you too fragile, but still too sharp, and raises everything to a dangerous height you don’t know how to come down from. It makes everyone move away because they can see it. You can see it, always.

It covers every corner of your body, and grows roots in something white in your chest. Something no one but you can see. You’d asked your dad once—does he feel it too, feel the strange glow and pull of everything beautiful around you—and he’d looked at you like you were insane.

You might be.

But it’s hard not to be, in this line of work. 

Hunting. Monsters and ghosts and nightmares, all around you and calling to you in your sleep. It’s where most of the darkness lives, in the way that few monsters lay hands on you, no matter how much of their blood you shed. Ghosts will treat you like any other, but the monsters look at you like they recognize you. 

Like you’re one of them.

And that’s something you’ve never told your dad. You never will. He already hates that you do this, and not a month goes by where he doesn’t glare at you from across the table, beer bottle in hand, and ask you to stop.

“Kiddo,” he’d grunted the last time, narrowing his eyes at you over dinner. “That was the last one.”

“You say that every time-“

“And you ain’t listenin’ to me every time!” He’d snapped. “You don’t have to do this shit, not with your-“ He’d made a face, giving you a pointed look. “Ya’ know. Thing.”

“Witch.” You’d sighed. “You’re allowed to say it. I’m a witch.”

“You ain’t a witch-“

“I’m not a normal witch.” You’d corrected with a frown, picking at the wood of the table. “But I’m still not human.”

“You’re human,” he’d muttered your name, and when you’d looked up, he’d been staring at you with an exhausted expression and you’d felt something eat at your tongue. “But you’re right. You ain’t normal, kiddo, and it’s gonna get you fuckin’ killed-“

“It hasn’t yet-“

“It will. It always does.” He’d stood, giving you one last, tired look. “And I’m not tryin’ to lose you too.”

You’d given him a close-lipped smile. “You won’t lose me. I’m being careful.”

He’d rolled his eyes—you were being careful, and he knew it, but it still pissed him off—and nodded. And that had been it.

It’s like that every time. He tells you to quit, because you don’t need to do this, and you tell him you have to. You’re good at it. You’re more resourceful than half the hunters he knows, smarter than all of them, and better by a mile. He’d trained you. He hadn’t wanted to, but he’d realized it was either him teaching you or you learning through trial and error, and he’d decided you being a pain in his freakin’ ass was better than you being dead.

Because—in the end—all he really cares about is that you’re safe. It’s why you know to be careful, why you know what hunts to call for backup on, and why you know that—if you need to—you can crawl back home with your guts in your hand and he won’t yell at you until you’re better. Keeping you safe is his job, more than hunting, more than research, more than cars. He’d chosen to do it when he’d found you—eight years old and starving on the side of a highway—and it had stayed that way ever since. It didn’t matter what you were, what seemed to be inside of you, or how you were certainly more trouble that you were worth. He always made sure you were safe.

Safe from your real family, for what you know and refuse to be. Safe from the worst of the monsters and ghosts, who don’t seem to care for that horrible kinship you don’t know how to stop. Safe from hunters, and how they’ll hate you for what you know how to do.

Safe from John Winchester, and how he’ll put a bullet in your brain without question for what you don’t know how to change.

It’s the top rule. Stay away from the Winchesters. When John comes around for a hunt, hide in your room. When he drops his boys off before vanishing for weeks at a time, sneak out and call your uncle. He’ll pick you up, keep you safe, and drop you back home when the brothers leave. They can’t see you, because they’re loyal to their father and will tell him about the witch-girl who made the wind howl louder than it should’ve. John can’t know about you, because he’s a complicated man with a good heart, but he’ll hurt you worse than any ghost or monster could. 

But you have to say—at least from this distance—he doesn’t look that dangerous.

You know it’s him. You recognize his car in the parking lot from seeing it in your dad’s yard, and recognize his voice from the living room of your house. It’s clearer now—no longer muffled through a door you’d keep an ear pressed to—and you’re certain it’s him. 

And he’s just a man. A broad-shouldered, tired man with a face that doesn’t seem like it’s ever smiledand dark hair that’s streaked with slight silver. He even sounds exhausted, his voice laced with a thin irritation he either doesn’t know how to hide, or doesn’t care to.

“Dean,” he grunts, and you can’t see who he’s talking to, the bookshelves of the library only revealing John’s cold, set face. “Go back to the morgue and look at the bodies again. See if you can get a blood type on the vics.”

“A blood type?” A second voice, this one so clearly younger, a little defiant and bright, asks. “Dad, why do we care about their blood type-“

“Because this bitch is spilling it left and right, and we need to work out what skin she’s got in that game.” John’s words are short, impatient. “And you’re not here to ask me questions, Sam, you’re here to get through these damn books. Dean, go to the morgue.”

“Yes, sir.” That’s a third voice. It’s pretty. Deeper than the second—Sam’s—but not as tired as John’s. Mostly just cautious. “Can I, uh, can I take Sammy-“

“No.” John snaps. “I need him here for the readin’. Take the car and go.”

There’s a soft sound of metal ringing through the air, a scrape of wood on the floor, and you almost don’t move fast enough. You almost don’t duck behind the shelf in time for the third voice—the pretty one, Dean—to pass you, humming something you’d recognize if you weren’t lost in your panic.

Dean doesn’t see you.

But you see him.

And it’s not just his voice that’s pretty. 

You don’t know a lot about the Winchester brothers. Only what your dad has told you. Dean’s three years older than you, Sam’s a year younger. Dean likes music, Sam likes books. They’re both good boys—better than your dad seems to think John deserves, although he’ll never say that out loud—but Sam can be defiant and Dean can be trouble.

You hope Dean’s trouble. He has to be, when he looks like that. 

Because in only a split second of his side profile, you’re sure Dean Winchester is the prettiest man you’ve ever seen. Will ever see. It’s almost ethereal, and a little unfair. All of his features are clean and strong, like someone carved him from marble, but there’s a scar you could see on his jaw and a cut on his lower lip that made him seem human. Made his seem tangible. 

Touchable.

You’d like to touch him. You’ve seen him once, but everything in your body seems to think the world will collapse if you don’t touch him now. If you don’t at least talk to him. Hear his deep, charming voice directed at you. See at his face up close, see it’s clear resemble to John that feels pointless, because Dean looks like he smiles. He looks like he’s meant to smile, and you’d really like to find out if he’d smile at you. 

And that white thing—the one you feel all the time—seems to really like him. Even the darkness is trying to reach out to him, move into him, and you’re not really sure what the fuck is happening. He’d just walked past you, and your body is suddenly trapped by something overwhelming and dizzying in your lungs, your every nerve prickling the longer your brain circles him. The longer it spirals around his beautiful face, and full lips, and the way his voice sounded like something even bigger than the darkness in your body-

“Hey, Dad?” That same voice cuts through your thoughts, a little raised as Dean calls between the shelves. “Are you feeling anything from the beer earlier?”

“No.” John’s voice is clipped as he responds, and you can hear the frown in his voice. “You feelin’ alright, son?”

“Yeah, uh-“ There’s a heavy pause, and you can hear Dean shuffling slightly just out of your sight. “I dunno. Must’ve stood up too fast.”

“Dad, if he feels light headed he might not be safe to drive-“

“I’m alright, Sammy.” Dean’s words are fast. Not frantic, but rapid. “Nothing’s gonna happen to the car, Dad, I promise.”

John grunts. “Better not. Get moving, Dean, we don’t got all night.”

“Yes, sir.” 

You hear Dean shuffle away, sounds of flipping paper and scratching pencils re-filling the air, and you’re trapped in your spot. You shouldn’t follow Dean. Following Dean will almost certainly end in meeting John, and that’s the one thing you’re never supposed to do. Your dad doesn’t fight you when you leave for months at a time, or cross paths with other hunters, or run dangerous scams to keep yourself afloat. He’s okay with more than he probably should be, and he never tells you that you can’t do something. 

But you can’t talk to John Winchester. 

He can’t know who you are. What you are.

So you can’t follow Dean. Your brain is deeply aware that following Dean would be a truly horrible idea, and your body seems to be on board. There’s iron around your lungs when John mutters something to Sam, and a sore shot of electrically whenever one of them stands up to move books around. You’re really good at running. You know exactly when to call it and go. You can sense danger so easily—it’s the same chill of needles ice running up your spine, every single time—and John is dangerous. And you really shouldn’t follow Dean.

But the White thing keeps bucking around inside you. You can almost see it rush and roar in the air, feel it thrash deep down—past your heart chamber and embedded a little to the right—to try and follow Dean Winchester. And it feeds the darkness. It starts to twinge and pulse, seeping and infecting your muscles and blood, locking around your skull and making everything far too big. You can feel it all. The books on the shelves that all read Dean, and the squeak of the floors that say his name, and the lights start to flicker as the air turns humid and cool.

“Dad-“

“I’m seein’ it, Sammy, grab the gun-“

You raise the back of your hand to your mouth and bite. Hard. Grounding yourself before the flood can burst out of your body, before John Winchester could find out who you are in the worst way possible.

And when you run—out the back and to your stolen Lexus—you don’t even realize where you’re going until you’re halfway there.

To the morgue.

After Dean.

It’s a terrible idea. You have ten, long minutes of driving to figure out every way in which this is a terrible idea. You don’t know him. This will distract you from the case. John Winchester will try to kill you. Your dad will kill you. And there’s a high chance it will all be for nothing, because everything in you that’s calling to Dean belongs to that white thing. And that’s a part of you, and no one else. There’s a chance that this—whatever the fuck this is—is something driven by what you are, what’s wrong with you, so Dean won’t feel it at all.

You know all of that. And you still make it the whole drive without turning around. You park and rifle through your glove compartment for a fake ID, pull on your stiff, too-itchy well officer, would a fraud wear this? Jacket, and still don’t turn the engine back on and book it out of town. You even manage to justify it. You’re working this case too. You were here first. You’d noticed the blood thing from the start—it’s why you took the case—but you just hadn’t gotten to the morgue yet. You’d already been planning on it, and Dean just happens to be here at the same time. 

No matter what, you’ll get through it. You always get through it. And this might be a horrible idea, but that knowledge won’t stop you from stepping out of the car and making your way to the morgue. Know something has never really stopped you, and no amount of twisting bile in your gut—telling you to run, because you don’t love life, but you’d really rather not be murdered today—is going to prevent you from doing this. Nothing is stronger than the White in your chest, and it wants to talk to Dean Winchester. 

So that’s exactly what you’re going to do.

It is, as always, worryingly easy to get into the morgue. Half of the work is flashing the badge and saying the right words—Agent Smith, from the insurance company, I need to take a look at the autopsies for the claims—but most of it is the confidence. You carry yourself like a haughty, too-good-for-this-morgue insurance agent. Your chin is raised when you stop at the desk, and your words to the receptionist are impatient and clipped, and God, it makes you feel like the scum of the earth how she’s nervous and apologetic, but you get in the door. You always get in the door, because this is the simple part. The smiles with teeth, and the lies you spit through them are so fucking simple.

The hard part is always different. Sometimes it’s the ghosts that follow you after a failure, the ones that can’t be killed with salt and fire. Sometimes it’s long nights that you don’t have time tp sleep, and the tug and rot of that darkness in your chest tries to push to the surface. Sometimes it’s a puzzle you barely manage to solve, and it costs a little bit more of your flesh and soul each time.

But today, it’s Dean Winchester. Or, as the receptionist calls him, Officer Costello.

“Officer?” You raise your brows. “So the cops are looking into a serial killer.”

“I, um-“ The receptionist flushes, her eyes widening slightly. “I don’t know, he just said he was from a town over, and our Chief asked him to take a look, I’m not-“

“I’ll just ask him while I’m in there.” You shrug, the receptionist’s mouth opens in likely protest, and you call over your shoulder as you walk away. “I need to know for the report!”

You push through the doors—nobody chasing after you a sign of success—turn into the mortuary’s office, and freeze at the sight before you. 

Dean’s hunched over the mortuary’s desk, frowning at the largest stack of papers you’ve ever seen, and shit, he’s even prettier up close. Spiky hair and slightly tanned, freckled skin, rough looking hands sorting through the files and full lips in a frown and what the fuck is happening to you-

His head shoots up, eyes widening—green eyes, deep and vibrant and you need to get a goddamn grip—and you stare at each other for a long, confusing second before he finally speaks.

“Ma’am, if you could wait for the doctor outside please, this is, uh, official police business-“

You scoff, even as your whole body hums from the deep, smooth sound of his voice. “Is that really the excuse you’re going to use?”

Dean tenses, dropping the papers on the desk and rising to his full height, glaring down at you. He’s really tall, and broad, and probably warm-

“Excuse me? If you don’t exit this office right now, I’ll have reason to put you under arrest-“

“What reason?”

He blinks at you. “Interfering in police business-“

“Fake police business?”

“I’m not, this isn’t-“ Dean shakes his head, eyes narrowing on yours. “Who the hell are you?”

“I’m a fake insurance agent.” You lift your badge up from him to see, giving a sweet, fake smile. “And you’re a hunter.”

“Lady, I don’t know what the hell you’re talkin’ about-“

“I think you do.” You step forward, dropping into a seat across the desk. “To start, you’re definitely not a cop. Cops don’t drive muscle cars and raid morgue documents.”

He frowns, still watching you wearily. “How’d you know that’s my car?”

You’d slipped a little. You shouldn’t know that’s the Winchester’s car. But you’re quick on your feet, and by the time you say the lie it might as well be the truth. “Only three cars in the lot. Mine, the black one, and a minivan. And you don’t really seem like a minivan guy.”

Dean grunts, his body still braced and words tense. “I could be allowed to drive whatever car I want on duty-“

You give him an amused expression, tucking your knees into your chest as you lean back in your seat.  “You’re like, twenty. There’s no way they’d let you drive your own car. Or,” you raise your brows. “Ask you investigate a bunch of weird murders by yourself.”

Dean frowns, but drops in the swivel chair behind the desk. “I’m twenty-one,” he mutters, and you snort. 

“Congratulations-“

“And you,” his eyes shoot to yours, voice dropping into a low drawl that felt like it could be dangerous, but mostly made you feel a little fuzzy. “Haven’t answered my question. Who are you?”

You say your full name—the real one, that you’d been given at birth and he’d never connect to your dad—and drop your feet back to the floor, extending your hand across the desk. “I’m a hunter too.”

Dean chuckles, but meets your hand with a grin. “Yeah, I figured that part out myself, Princess. Dean Winchester.”

You shake his hand, and your smile must make you look like an idiot. It’s far too wide just from him telling you his name and touching your skin—he is warm, and his hands are calloused and big and still so soft—but there’s something like lightning sparking and shooting over your skin, and the White inside you is shining like a star. Pulsing and glowing and molding with the darkness. Making nothing really seem that bad at all. 

Dean’s smiling back. And you’d been right. His face is meant to smile. It’s meant to have this broad, cocky grin that’s full of teasing joy and a bright-eyed delight in something you can’t quite place. You really can’t tell if he can feel it. There’s a glint in his eyes that’s full of promises, but you can’t figure out if he can feel this. This raging tug in your body that keeps your hand in his longer than it needs to be, that makes his skin feel like a furnace and your heart feel right in your body.

He might. He really might feel it. His hand stays in yours as well, his grip a little tighter than it needs to be, and when you manage to pull away, he clears his throat—a small, adorable blush covering his pretty face—and stares at you like you’ve fallen from the sky, and you’re still covered in stardust.

“So, uh,” Dean glances down at the papers, then back to you. “You here for the autopsy reports?”

You nod, crossing your legs under your body. “Yep. You gonna share?”

“That depends.” Dean shrugs, shooting you another, very mind-numbing smirk. “You gonna help us out?”

“Us?” You tilt your head at him, twisting a ring on your finger. “You’ve got a partner?”

“Partners.” Dean corrects you with a grin. “My dad and brother. We always hunt together, it’s safer and Sammy’s still a kid, so-“ He cuts himself off, his face falling into a small frown. “Do you, are you hunting alone?”

“Mostly, yeah.” You shrug. “But I can help you out-“

“You, you shouldn’t be hunting alone.” Dean cuts you off with a shake of his head, his voice almost disbelieving. “It’s not safe. Gonna get you killed.”

“Uh huh.” You narrow your eyes, your voice becoming dry and bored. “Do you want my help, Dean Winchester?”

“Sure, but-“

“Then drop it, give me the papers, and let me help.”

He frowns. “You’re kinda bossy.”

“Yeah, well, you’re kinda-“

“It’s not bad.” He pushes some of the files across the desk, shooting you a wink. “Just making sure you know.”

“Oh.” You stare at him. He’s so pretty, and his smile does weird things to your gut and ribs and the White inside of you. “Uh-“

“I’ll take these.” Dean taps the files still in front of him, watching you with a strange expression. “You got those?”

“Sure.” You mumble, pulling the papers into your lap. “Um, thanks.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He shrugs. “More hands, we’ll be done faster. You, uh, you know what you’re lookin’ for-“

“Blood.” You flip open the first file, playing with the corner of a page as you speak. “Every vic’s been covered in it. It’s uh,” you grimace slightly, an image of a corpse painted red flashing in your head. “It’s been really gross.”

Dean hums in agreement, giving you a curious look. “You’ve seen all the bodies?”

“Most of them,” you look down to the file, flipping through it until you find the blood report “I’ve been here for like, five days.”

“Huh.” He frowns, looking down to his own paper. “We’ve been here four. Only seen two of them.”

“Well, maybe I’m just better at my job.”

He laughs, and when you glance back up, he’s grinning. “Sure, Princess.”

You kick him under the desk, and he makes a fake sound of pain.

“What was that for?!“

“Making fun of me,” you stick your tongue out at him, not looking up from your papers. “Not very nice, Winchester.”

“You made fun of me-“

“And if you wanna kick me, I won’t stop you-“

“I’m not gonna kick a lady-“

“Well then.” You shrug, unable to fight the smile on your face. “That’s not my fault, is it?”

He huffs, his voice dropping to a low mutter you can still defiantly hear. “Bossy.”

“That’s not being bossy, it’s-“ You cut yourself off, leaning down to re-read the file in front of you. “Shit.”

“It is shit,” Dean complains, and you can hear the pout in his voice as you grab the next file in your stack, rushing through the report to find what you’re looking for. “You’re lucky I-“

“No, that’s not-” you look up at him, your brain moving too fast to fully linger on why you might be lucky. “Give me your file.”

Dean frowns, but slides the paper over the desk. “What-“

You raise your hand, scanning over the file and grinning as you find what you’re looking for. “I’ve got it.” 

“Got what-“

“That blood wasn’t only the vics. It was their’s, plus,” you turn the page for Dean to read, pointing to the words. “All the previous vics. Mixed together. That’s why there’s been more and more every time.”

“Oh.” Dean leans forward, scanning over the page. “Kinda like a really gross blood cocktail?”

“Exactly.” You grin at him. “I know what we’re looking for.”

He looks back up at you, raising his brows. “You gonna tell me, or-“

“It’s a moroi.” You drop the files, leaning back and pushing your feet back up on the desk. “It explains the messiness perfectly.”

“No,” Dean shakes his head. “My dad says it’s just a normal ghost with a weird thing for blood-“

“Your dad is wrong. It’s a moroi.”

Dean’s eyes narrow. “My dad’s never wrong. And he’s more experienced than both of us combined, he’d know if it was a moray-“

“Mo-roi-“

“And look,” Dean leans across the desk, pointing to the files. “All of them had the same blood type. That’s what Dad said to look for.”

“They have the same blood type because it’s a moroi.” You hold his gaze, because every single part of you might want this man in a way you can’t possibly begin to understand, but you’re also fucking right. “They’re Romanian vampire babies.’

“Vampire babies-“

“Evil infant spirits that didn’t get baptized. They’re really rare, but this-“ You tap the files with a smug grin. “Is their exact MO. Specific blood type that they’ve probably got a taste for, mixing it with their previous victims, incredibly sloppy.”

“Because they’re babies.” Dean mutters, frowning into the air. “And babies, uh, don’t know how to clean.”

You nod. “Because babies don’t know how to clean.”

“And you’re sure?” Dean looks down to the files, his tone cautious. “I mean, you said they’re kinda rare-“

“They are.” You shrug. “And that’s why I’m sure.”

Rare things are your specialty. Things that even the most experienced hunters don’t understand, that were hard to track and harder to kill. Things that were stranger than strange, darker than dark, worse than evil. Things that wouldn’t hurt you, and you’ve taught yourself every way kill. It’s why you’d taken this case in the first place.  It’s why you’re fucking right.

“You, uh,” Dean’s words are slow, like he’s picking them carefully. “You know how to kill these things?”

“Yep.”

“You wanna come with me? To explain it to Dad and Sammy?”

“I, um-“ You start to pick at the skin around your nails, your skin suddenly itching and a weight forming in your lungs. “I mean, I can just tell you how, and you can deal with it, and I can go-“

“Go?” Dean frowns, his brow drawn. “Where are you going?”

“Out of town.” You keep your voice strong and even, because no matter how much the White inside you seems to be trying to move into Dean—no matter how much you’d really like to stay in this office and talk to him for a million years—you have to go. You cannot meet John Winchester. “If your Dad’s as good as you say-“

“He is-“

“Then you’ll be able to handle this. You don’t need me.”

“Well,” Dean leans over the desk, his voice dropping to a charming drawl. “If I ask you nicely, will you consider staying? Giving us a hand?”

You hold his gaze, unable to find enough willpower to shut him down immediately. “How nicely?” 

“Please,” Dean says your name, giving you a taunting, boyish grin, and the White inside you ignites. You’ve heard your name said a million ways, but never like that. Never in Dean’s voice, never like it’s some sort of curse and prayer all at once, never like it’s bigger than just a name. “Please stay in town and help me out. Please explain this moroi shit to my dad, and help us kill the son of a bitch. I’ll buy you a beer, and be in your debt for a million freakin’ years. Please.”

He’s already got you. If the way he said your name didn’t make you fold, the shit-eating smirk on his face and gleam in his eyes that tells you exactly how he plans to repay that debt made you cave. 

“I don’t drink.” You mumble, your face heated and eyes a little wide. “But I’ll take two million years and a promise that you’ll listen to me.”

Dean chuckles. “Awesome.” He grins, his eyes never leaving yours as he stands. “Let’s get outta here, I’ll drive you to our motel.”

That’s where you manage to draw a line. You’ll bow to Dean’s charming words and handsome face, you’ll follow him out of the office and into the parking lot, and you’ll agree to come meet John and Sam Winchester—no matter how stupid and deadly an idea it will certainly prove to be—but you’ll drive yourself. You didn’t steal that Lexus not to drive it, and when things inevitably go sideways, you’ll need a car to escape in. 

“You sure?” Dean walks you to the Lexus, standing right at your side and watching you in a way the White seems to feel. “I mean, it’s not a problem-“

“I’m sure.” You grab your keys out of your pocket, stopping in front of the car. “All my shit is in here, and I can just follow you. It’ll be fine.”

“Well, how am I gonna know you won’t just drive off?” Dean doesn’t budge, barely sparing your car a glance. “Leave me to deal with the vampire babies alone?”

You give him a flat. “I won’t just drive off, Winchester-“

“You might.” He shrugs. “I don’t know you that well, you could be playing me-“

“I’m not- Fine.” You roll your eyes, shoving your badge into his hands. “You can hold onto that, and I’ll have to follow you to get it back. Happy?”

“Very.” Dean winks at you, flipping your badge open to read. “Agent Smith- Who’s Smith?”

“Nobody. Smith is the most common last name in United States.” You shrug, and Dean looks at you like you’re insane. “What?”

“Nothin’, I just-“ He shakes his head, huffing a low laugh. “It’s practical. Smart.”

You narrow your eyes. “But?”

“No but,” He says your name with a bright, cocky grin, and tucks your badge into his pocket. “Can I not call you smart?”

“Not when you don’t really mean it-“

“I mean it. You’re smart.” His grin grows, and it feels like it’s burning its way right into your heart. Kicking it up to a higher speed, warming it until your whole body feels lost in a misting haze. It’s so fucking weird. “Are all your badges Smith?”

“No.” You mutter, crossing your arms to try and stop your heart beating right out of your chest. “Smith is just insurance. Johnson does wildlife, Brown is a cop, and Miller’s FBI.”

“Huh,” Dean looks at you like he’s never seen anything more amusing in his life. It’s not really helpful. “Sammy’s gonna like you.”

“Sammy?”

“My brother.” Dean shrugs. “He’s smart too. Not half as pretty, but smart.”

You flush, leaning back to ground yourself against the cool metal of the car. “You don’t know me, Winchester. I might be a dumbass.”

Dean chuckles, shaking his head. “I don’t think so, sweetheart. Dumb people don’t know about vampire babies.”

“I’d argue vampire babies are the exact thing a dumb person would know about-“

“And I’d argue dumb people don’t say I’d argue.”

You scowl. “Touché.”

Dean laughs again. He needs to stop doing that. “Dumb people don’t say touché-“

“Shut up.” You kick him again, and this time his grin just becomes teasing and smug and a little fucking dizzying.

“That’s not nice, Princess-“

“I said shut up.” You mutter, turning to open your car door. “Go get in your car so we can actually do our jobs.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” Dean’s still grinning at you, his eyes widening as they finally flick to the Lexus. “Holy shit, you drive this?”

“Yeah.” You shrug, dropping into your seat and pointing across the lot to his car. “Go.”

Dean raises his hands in surrender. “Bossy.”

You glare at him. “Winchester-“

He gives you one last wink you feel deep in your core, closes your door, and walks away without another word. But—right after he climbs into the driver seat—he pulls out your badge, holds it up to the window, and mouths Follow me, or this is mine.

You roll your eyes, flip him off, and watch him laugh as he pulls out of the lot. And you could leave. Badges are easy to make, you’re not emotional attached to Agent Smith, and this is your last chance to keep yourself away from John Winchester. To listen to your every instinct, to your dad’s stern voice in your head, and run. It would be so fucking easy to run. To turn around and never look back, never allow yourself to indulge Dean Winchester further than one conversation.

But you don’t want to run. You want to follow this odd pull to him, follow him to the motel, follow him wherever else he seems to be going. Which is fucking insane, because you don’t know him, he doesn’t know you, and he’s almost certainly better off without you. Most people are. Hell, you’d be better off without you, if you could figure out how to do that.

And you know all that. But you still don’t want to run.

So you follow Dean out of the parking lot, through the winding backstreets of the town, and to a backwater motel. You park your car right next to his, close your eyes to take a long, steadying breath, and try to rationalize to yourself how this could possibly end up not blowing up in your face. You’ll keep a hold on yourself. John won’t know who you are, or what you are, or who you know, or what you know, or-

“Shit!” You jump as something raps on your window, and hear a loud laugh from outside your car.

You’ll get through this. You always do.

“You yelped.” Dean tells you as you climb out of the car, a wide, teasing grin on his face. “Real tough of you, Princess-“

“Suck my dick, Winchester.” You glare at him, and his grin only grows wider. “And stop calling me princess.”

“Nah,” Dean places his hand on your back, steering you towards the motel. “Suits you too well.”

“I don’t know what that means-“

“You don’t have to.” He smirks at you, and it does something impossible good to your brain. Makes it calm. A little fuzzy, a little smooth, but so fucking calm. “C’mon, I texted Dad that I found you, he and Sammy’ll be in our room.”

Dean Winchester is dangerous. You should be scratching and clawing and fighting like a feral animal to go, to get back in your car and as far away from here—from John Winchester—as possible. But he says I found you with a proud grin and puff of his chest like he’s bragging, and all that your stupid body knows how to do is lean slightly into his chest and follow him wherever he takes you. Somewhere dark, or somewhere horrible, or somewhere gray or somewhere safe.

Or just a shabby, paint-peeling motel room, where John Winchester and a shaggy haired kid are sitting around a table, looking at you—standing awkwardly in the doorway, watching them wearily, your back straight but arms crossed in defense—like you’re the strangest thing they’ve ever seen.

“This is, um,” Dean glances at you as he says your full name, and you realize he’s more tense than he’d been before. Standing a little taller, his eyes a little more guarded, his expression impossibly neutral. “She’s the hunter I mentioned.” Dean says your name again, pointing to the table as he continues. “That’s my dad, John, and my brother, Sammy.”

“Hi.” The kid—he’s taller than you, and barely younger, but there’s something about him that still says kid—offers you a small smile. “Do you, uh, do you hunt alone?”

“Yeah,” you give Sam a smile back, trying to force your tone to be casual, your body to relax, and your eyes not to wander to where John is tall in his seat, just watching you. “He tell you that?”

You jerk your head at Dean, who frowns. “So what if I did-“

“So, you’re being a real dramatic bitch about that. You’re not my dad, Winchester, let’s calm down.” You give him a small grin, and feel something odd and bright inflate in your chest when his mouth tugs up for the first time since you’ve walked into the room.

Dean looks like he’s going to say something back, but John clears his throat, and something curls and rots in your stomach at how quickly Dean goes rigid, how fast his mouth snaps shut. 

“You got a father, girl?”

You look at John, and he looks even more tired up close, in the dim light of the motel. More threatening as well, watching you like you’re prey, or a parasite, or a disease. Like you’re going to go feral and destroy everything in the room. It would sting less if he wasn’t right. If his attention wasn’t making your skin crawl and the White in you start to twist and pound to escape your body, the darkness rushing out as everything becomes big again. If you weren’t digging your nails into your palm to stop yourself from proving him right, and if you weren’t raising your chin in a weak attempt to be a little taller than you are. 

“I do.” You hold his gaze, and wonder if he can see the darkness. If he already knows what you are, and is trying to work out how to kill you. “We’re really close, actually.”

“He know you hunt?”

“He does.” You shrug. “He’s fine with it.”

That’s a lie. Your dad hates that you hunt. You’re certain the only reason he doesn’t lock you in his panic room to keep you away from the monsters and ghosts is because he knows you’d escape, and he’d never see you again. But John doesn’t know that, and you’re a fantastic liar, so if he doesn’t believe you it’s not because you don’t sell the words, it’s because he just doesn’t trust you. Because whatever you say, he’s going to keep looking at you like he can see right into your horrible center.

John’s face twitches, and as he leans slightly forward, you’re not sure Dean’s breathing at your side. “Your old man a hunter too?”

You nod, realize this is getting a little away from you, and start to run your thumb over your palm as John narrows his eyes.

“What’s his name?”

You use your real father’s name—your biological father, who you’ll never see again if you can help it—and it stings on your tongue. You hate that you have to say it. You hate that you have to repeat it, adding your real last name, but it works. John grunts, and looks away.

“Dean.”

“Yes, sir?”

“How old is she?”

“I, uh-“ Dean looks at you with wide eyes. “How old are you?”

You raise your brows. “How old do you think I am?”

“Twenty…” Dean scratches his head slightly, looking a little afraid. It would be adorable if this wasn’t such an oddly volatile situation. “Twenty-teen?”

“Twenty-teen?”

“I dunno, I mean you gotta be old than Sammy, and you sound like you’re old, but-“

“I sound like I’m old?”

“Just cause of the words you use! You look like you can’t be old than me, but I don’t know-“

“Jesus Christ, dude.” You take pity on Dean—who looks like he’s about to have a panic attack—and pat his shoulder as you speak. “I’m eighteen. And,” you look back to John, cooling your voice and narrowing your eyes. “I can speak for myself.”

John doesn’t waver. You can’t really imagine a world where he would. “I don’t doubt that, girl. But I ain’t lookin’ for help on this case, and you’re barely votin’ age-“

“I’m aware of my age.” You interrupt, crossing your arms over your chest. “But I’ve also been hunting, alone, since I was fifteen, and this,” you gesture through the air, holding John’s cold gaze. “Is my type of case. So you need my help.”

John scoffs. “It’s a ghost, sweetheart, me and my boys will be fine without you-“

“She says it’s not a ghost.” Dean mumbles, paling as John’s gaze shoots to him. “It’s, uh, a moroi?”

You hum in agreement, offering Dean a small grin that John doesn’t seem to miss.  

Sam raises his hand at the table, his expression open and curious. “What’s a moroi?”

“Romanian vampire baby.” Dean says, shooting Sam the first real, full grin you’ve seen on his face since you entered the motel room. “They never got a chance to learn who Mr. Clean is, which is why there’s been so much freakin’ blood everywhere. Right?”

Dean looks at you with a hopeful, bright expression, and it makes the White glow and sing as you nod.

“It’s a ghost.” John grunts, and when you look back to the table, he’s glaring at you. “We got freezin’ temperatures, EMF, and no break ins-“

“Because they’re death monsters. And they can shape-shift, into a guy, or a bug, or a cat.” You shrug. “Wouldn’t be that hard to get into a house.”

John scowls. “And you’d bet all our lives on this-“

“Yes.” You say, the words simple. You’re good at your fucking job, and there’s no doubt in your mind. “It is a moroi. I’ve hunted them before.”

“You have?” Sam’s eyes widen, his tone filled with something that might be admiration. “That’s so-“

John cuts Sam off with a raised hand, his attention never wavering from you. “Well,” he drawls your name, and it’s mocking and cruel and awful. The opposite of how Dean says it, in a way you hope to never hear again. “If you’re such an expert, how the hell do we kill the asshole.”

“Easy.” You shrug, as if there’s not something wired and painful in your muscles that’s trying to force you to run, run, run, far away from John Winchester and his cold voice. “You stab it in the heart with a nail.”

“With a nail.” John repeats, his voice flat, and you scowl. 

“Well, that, or,” you stand a little taller, making your voice cool and bored. “We throw a Romanian funeral for it, and find a living relative to walk around its grave three times with a candle.”

Dean makes a choked sound from off to the side, and when you look, he’s staring at you like you’d fallen from space again. John doesn’t look half as awestruck. He mostly looks pissed.

“This ain’t the time for jokes-“

“That’s not a joke.” You snap. “There are multiple ways to kill something, and that’s one of the ways you can deal with a moroi. It’s that, the nail, or burning resin on a Tuesday, then a Saturday.”

John laughs, no amusement or joy in the sound. “You might think your smart, kid, but how about I see a plan. Stabbin’ something in the heart ain’t gonna be easy, and hell, girl, you said they shape shift. How the fuck are you thinkin’ we find them-“

“There will be blood in its nails and eyes.” You hold your ground, but your palm grows red as you break skin. “And there is a pattern to the tarbets, we’ve just all been looking in the wrong place.”

“A pattern?” Sam’s eyes are still wide, his voice a little eager. “But none of the vics have been the same age, gender, ethnicity, occupation-“

“Have they all been parents? Lived near graveyards?”

All three Winchesters gape at you for a second, and Dean looks at John with wide eyes.

“Shit, Dad, she’s right.” He mutters, running a hand over his face. “The one we looked at yesterday, the house had one of those baby gates-“

“And we’ve driven past a graveyard every time.” Sam adds, looking between you and John with a nervous expression. “So, uh, it could be-“

“I know what it could be, Sam.” John grunts, his glare fully focused on Dean. “You willing to bet on her, son?” 

Dean looks at you, and he shouldn’t be—you’re a stranger, you’re a liar, you’re a monster that’s attracted to him like a magnet—but he nods. He stares at you like he doesn’t really understand what’s going on either, like he’s looking for a reason to not trust you and side with his father, but can’t find one. And—right before he looks back to his father—you see a flash in his eyes that makes you think he feels it. That whatever the fuck is happening to you, it’s happening to Dean too, and he’s just as helpless as you are to fight it.

“I am, sir.” He says, hands flexing at his side. “Sammy and I can do door duty, figure out who’s next on this things hit list-“

Sam frowns. “I don’t wanna do door duty-“

“Blame Dean,” John shrugs, giving Dean a curt nod. “Take my car and be back in two hours-“

You raise your hand, and John cuts himself off with a glower.

“What.”

“They don’t need to do door duty,” you say, your fingers running over your palm. “The moroi will only target parents of infants, so you can look for baby seats in cars. And it’ll all be near same cemetery. Five miles radius.” You catch Dean raising his brows at you, and shrug. “They don’t like to stray far from home.”

“And by home,” Sam jumps in, words slow as he connects the dots. “You’re talking about their grave.”

“Or their coffin.” You offer him a close-lipped smile. “But yeah. It’s already dusk, our best bet would be splitting up and patrolling a few streets until we see the thing. It’ll probably be in its regular form, at least until it spots a house.”

Dean frowns at you. “What’s that gonna look like?”

You wrinkle your nose. “Hairy. Bloody and hairy. It’ll be gross, you’ll see it.”

“And how,” John grunts. “Are you thinkin’ we split up.”

“We’ve got two cars.” You shrug. “Three if you have a second one-“

“We don’t.” John snaps. “And I took a fuckin’ taxi back here, ain’t no way I’m not driving my car, or lettin’ a little girl go off to hunt this on her own-“

“How honorable,” you mutter under your breath—careful to make sure Dean doesn’t hear you—and raise your voice back to a bored, flat tone.  “Then you’ll take your car, and I’ll take one of them,” you nod between Sam and Dean. “So we’re off in pairs.”

“Dad, I could go with her.” Dean takes a small step forward, his tone slightly nervous. “I mean, it would be safer for you to take Sammy. And you know I’d be careful.“

John grunts, jaw ticking, and you can see he’s considering it. That, somehow, you’ve convinced him to go with this, and he hasn’t put a bullet in your brain. There’s a frantic, wired part of you along your skin that’s certain he’s just waiting for an excuse, but for now you’ll take it. You’ll take Dean volunteering to go with you, John not killing you, and everyone winning when you’re right, because you will be. You’re not good for much, but you’re good for this. 

“I want you to drive.” John tells Dean, and you’ll allow it. If it keeps Dean near you—as you so confusingly and desperately crave—you’ll let him drive your stupid, fancy car. Fuck, you’ll let him run it into a ditch if he wants, as long as you’re there with him, and what the fuck is happening to you- 

Dean says your name, and you blink at him as he continues. “I, uh, if you’re good with it-“

“Sure, I don’t give a fuck.” You toss Dean your keys, and he frowns. “I mean, try not to total it, or do donuts-“

Dean gasps, his face full of mock offense that pulls a smile onto your face. “Do I look like a hooligan to you-“

You raise your brows. “Did you just say hooligan?”

“Yeah,” he grins at you, and nothing else seems that real. “It’s a fun word, don’t bash it-“

“I am not bashing it-“

“Kinda sounds like you’re bashin’ it-“

“Well, it kinda sounds like you’re going to try and do donuts in my car-“

“Princess, I would never-“

“Winchester, I don’t believe you-“

John coughs, loudly, and you and Dean fall silent. That keeps happening. You talk to Dean, and everything fades until you’re just smiling like an idiot and watching him like he’s the sun, and you’re just existing in his orbit. And he does the same thing. Dean’s face is red, and he’s staring at the floor as John glowers at him, but you keep catching his eyes darting to you, a small furrow on his brow that you wish you could ask him about. You wish you could ask him a million things. About his life, about his likes and dislikes, why his whole family hunts and what he thinks of your dad—the one he’d know, the one that’s going to murder you when he finds out what you’re doing right now—and if he can feel this too. He must. It’s like a drug, and it’s flashing and loud in the White, and making the darkness blur into something you think would be better. Into something you wouldn’t hate, molding with something that feels foreign but right, strange but just as powerful and certain as gravity. Something secret, that you think you should be fighting but can’t bring yourself to raise a weapon against. 

Something bigger than you. Bigger than him. Bigger than the White inside your chest and the darkness that’s pushed down, down, down as you force yourself to stay in place, and not either grab Dean’s face and scream—shout at him in a begging question of do you feel this, or am I going fucking insane—or run. Flee as John Winchester gives you one last look like he’s imaging your blood on the floor, and you climb into the passenger’s seat of the Lexus.

But you manage to keep it together, and you’ll have to settle for this. For talking to Dean as you patrol up and down a darkened suburban street with white-picket fences, your knees up on the dash and your fingers growing bloody as you pick at them to keep the darkness down. 

“So, uh,” Dean taps his hands on the wheel, staring out at the road. “Hunting.“

You blink at him, raising your brows. “What?”

“I just, mean how’d you end up doing it? You’re young-“

“You’re literally only three years old than me-“

“But I got Dad and Sammy.” He scowls. “You’re alone.”

“Yeah, we’ve establish that.” You cross your arms, curling slightly into your seat. “I’m really good at my job, Winchester, I’m not that worried.”

Dean chuckles, glancing at your half-pout with an amused expression. “Still Winchester? When am I gonna get the honor of her majesty using my first name?”

You glare at him, and it just makes his grin wider. “Shut up.”

He clicks his tongue. “Bossy.”

And he’s so confusingly adorable and handsome—in the soft, shimmering light of the streetlamps and fog—that you speak without even thinking. “You have to earn first names, Deano.”

He freezes for a second, and his grin becomes his whole face. Wide and charming, sweeping you off your feet and knocking the breath from your lungs without even touching you. 

“So,” he drawls, still smirking like an idiot. “Nicknames you’ll pass out like party favors, but I need to work to just be Dean.”

“Seems that way, doesn’t it?”

“Well, can I at least shoot down Deano?”

“Maybe,” you hum. “On what grounds?”

“I dunno,” he shrugs, eyes flashing in the low light. “It kinda makes me sound like a birthday clown?”

You giggle. A small, soft giggle that he pulls out of you with barely any effort, that you want to hate but can’t figure out how to. “Maybe you are a clown-“

“Birthday clown.” He corrects, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel. “Don’t drop the birthday part, that means I’ve got a job. And I can’t be a clown, Sammy’ll never speak to me again.” Dean glances at you, his voice dropping slightly. “He freakin’ hates clowns. Might shoot me before I explain that a pretty lady turned me into one against my will.”

You raise your brows, trying to push down the flush on your face from pretty lady. How he’d said the words like they were teasing, but still so serious, and looked at you with a small smirk when they had his intended effect. You can barely remember how to clear your throat and use words, let alone tease and spar with him when the White is blinding in your body.

“Unfortunately,” you manage to speak, nudging his shoulder with your own. “All sales are final. You’re Deano now.”

Dean rolls his eyes, but his grin doesn’t falter for a second. “Until I earn Dean, though, right?”

“If you earn Dean.”

He hums, shooting you another, oddly heated glance. “And what do I need to do for that?”

You only shrug, running your fingers over your palm to sooth the darkness. It’s starting to eat over your nerves and heart, trying reach out and touch Dean in a way you can’t allow, in a way that will end whatever this is before it begins. Dean only gives you a strange look, his smile still wide on his face.

“Well,” Dean says your whole name, over-pronouncing each syllable. “Am I allowed to return the favor?”

“What favor.”

“Callin’ you a nickname.” He winks at you, and it settles—warm and soft and strong—in your core. “It’s only fair.”

You shake your head. “No. I don’t even have a nickname.”

“Bet I could fix that.”

“Would be a losing bet. I wouldn’t take it.”

“Whatever you say, Princess.”

And just like that, you’ve lost. You’d seen it coming, too. It was too easy a solution for him to have, to easy a path to allow him to take, too easy to let the small part of you—that had wanted to hear him call you Princess again, because it soothed something that was always feral inside of you and blurred the darkness into the White until nothing hurt inside you—allow Dean to coax you where he’d clearly wanted you, and follow with a smile on your face. But all of this was too easy. Talking to Dean was too easy, because the conversation seems to flow and ebb without effort, and you’re almost always in danger of saying too much. He seems to know how to—without any obvious intention—get you to tell him anything he asks, leaving you biting your tongue to keep down bits of the truth that could prove deadly. But he doesn’t push you to speak—which is perfect and terrifying all within itself—and when you fall into silence it’s easy too. It’s easy to control the darkness, calmed only by your thumb and long breathes, and easy to keep everything small. Just you and Dean in the soft silence of the car, just you and Dean in the whole world.

“My mom died.” Dean says suddenly, frowning out the window. “It’s why I’m hunting. And,” he adds, his voice growing a little firmer, a little more defensive. “It’s why my dad’s so careful. I know he can be tough, but we’ve only got each other, and he’s just tryin’ to-“

“I get it.” You whisper, something deep in your chest aching for him. For this pretty, impossible man who might be bigger than the whole word, and how his brow is knit in a confusing kind of hollow pain as he defends his father. Goes to arms for him without prompting, like it’s a reflex. And you really do get it, but even if you didn’t, you somehow care too much about him to force him to rage and spit fire in John’s defense. It looks like it might rip him apart, and you never really want to see him go. So you just offer him a gentle, full lipped but toothless smile, and place your hand on his arm. “And that really fucking sucks.”

He lets out a dry chuckle, and doesn’t try to move his arm away. “It does really fucking suck. Thanks.”

“My dad’s wife died.” You offer, as if that would somehow make this better, and Dean gives you an odd look.

“Dad’s wife? Not your mom?”

You swallow. You did it again. You slipped when you’re usually so fucking careful. “It’s complicated.”

“Ah.” Dean has a little furrow between his brow that you’d like to run your thumb over, but he drops it. “Are you, you gonna tell me why you hunt? If it’s not your Dad’s wife?”

You sigh, a feral instinct of survive shoving the truth just a little further down. “That’s complicated too. I mean it’s not,” you glance up at him, his eyes fixed onto the road. “It’s not like yours. I didn’t lose anyone.”

“Is it a family thing? Like, your dad brought you in?” Dean’s every word is careful, like he’s afraid he might spook you. But that’s another thing that’s too easy. Staying next to Dean and not bristling or fleeing is far too fucking easy. 

“No,” you say, watching the light and shadows shift over his face in a strange, perfect dance. “He tries to stop me from doing it all the time. Shit, he called me last night and asked me to come home.”

Dean frowns. “You-“

“Dean!” You cut him off with a hand over his mouth, and he slams the breaks with a screech. You can see his staring at you from the corner of your eye, but you barely spare him a glance, your eyes locked over his shoulder, out the window, at a shifting figure in the dark. “Look.”

He turns his head, prying your hand from his mouth as he glares out the window. “I don’t-“

“There,” you hiss, leaning a little further forward. “See the-“

“That might just be a shadow,” Dean mutters, his voice dropping to a whisper as he scans over the dark. “Or a fox-“

You turn your head, giving him a flat look. “Do foxes look like babies covered in blood?”

“No.” He grins at you. “But I’ve seen weirder shit, Princess.”

You’re suddenly aware of how close you are. How you’d leaned over the console and started to practically hang off of Dean’s body, how your faces are barely a breath apart and you can see every deep color and fleck of gold in his eyes. He really only gets prettier, and he’s so warm, and there’s molten silver in your chest trying to tangle into him. He smells like fresh grass and spice, his eyes are dilating—but maybe just from the dark—and everything seems to be slowing down as the silver looks for other places to leak out. Places that wouldn’t hurt anyone, like the mist of the night that seems to glow and the wind that seems to bend and creak the trees in your direction, and the golden streetlamps-

Dean’s eyes shoot to the road as the lights start to flicker, his body tensing against yours. “Shit. We should, uh-“

You nod, push yourself away, and try to pretend your body doesn’t grieve the loss of his touch.

John and Sam are taking too long to arrive. You’re tense and bouncing on the sidewalk as you wait, turning a sharp nail between your fingers, and Dean keeps a hand around your wrist as he frowns down the street. You think he can sense that, if he looks away for only a second, you’ll dart into the house and deal with this yourself. You could. This nail has killed three moroi before, and you’d been completely alone then. 

“Winchester.” 

Dean looks at you with a frown, and you tug your arm slightly.

“Let me go.”

“No,” he grunts, his grip tightening. “Dad said to wait.”

“He’s not my dad-“

“Doesn’t matter.” Dean mutters, his gaze moving back to the empty, dark fog. “We’re waiting.”

You scowl. “Fine. Can you let go-“

“No.”

“I swear to god, Dean Winchester-“

“If I let you go,” he snaps, his glare shooting back to you. “You’re going to run in there. So no.”

You narrow your eyes. “You don’t know me-“

He chuckles, shaking his head slightly. “Look me in the eyes,” he drawls your name, holding your gaze. “And say you won’t run.”

It should be an easy lie, but it gets caught in your throat and you can only gape at him. Dean raises his brows as you continue to stare, and the White inside you starts to thrash as you clear your throat, forcing the words out.

“I’d handle it.”

He scoffs. “There is no way you’re gonna be able to handle it alone-“

“So, come with me,” You hiss, leaning forward until your face is only an inch from his. “And I won’t be alone.”

You don’t know why it breaks him. But something flashes in his eyes, he groans—running his free hand over his face and giving you a look of disbelief—and he caves. 

And from there it’s mostly a blur. It’s always a blur. The darkness inside of you latches onto something primal, and it’s all only a blur. 

Usually it’s all but a blackout. Like something overtakes you and you become just as monstrous as what you’re hunting, your brain only holding onto what you’ll need in order to survive next time, and a sticky smell of blood to haunt your sleep. But Dean’s here now, and things come into focus. Time is still a rush, and you’re still moving on pure instinct, but you remember Dean’s body being pressed to yours as you crept through the suburban house. You remember to set look on his face as you swept the rooms, figuring out what the moroi could be, where it might be hiding. You remember seeing it first, and the sound of flesh tearing as it launched at Dean—over you—and you swatted it with your arm like a baseball. 

You remember Dean shouting your name as you raced forward with the nail in your hand, and how it sounded like his chest was being ripped open. You remember finding that small patch of soft flesh on the moroi’s chest, driving the nail home, and tasting bile when it vomited blood up into your face. 

You remember Dean passing you his shirt on the curb a few blocks down, because the very ungrateful almost-victims threatened to call the cops, and you were covered in blood. He’d faced away as your changed—zipping up his own jacket and humming while he waited—and you could’ve sworn he was blushing when he turned back around.

Then John Winchester had arrived—looking at Dean like he’d just sprouted a second, hideous head and you like he was imaging how amazing you’d look in a casket—and everything grew sharp as they drove away. 

More of it comes together as you drive yourself back to the motel. Dean had dumped the body in the gutter, and you had given him your motel address. John had snapped at you to meet them tomorrow for a debrief, and told Dean that they’d talk back at the room. Sam had smiled at you, and it was a nice smile. There hadn’t seemed to be anything beneath it—just a kind smile for the woman sitting on the curb next to his shirtless brother, her hair matted in blood and fingers covered in monster hair—and you’d liked that. 

When you enter your room, it suddenly feels too small. Nothing is big enough for how strange this is, how you might need all the world and a little more to figure out what the fuck just happened. You miss Dean. You’d met him today, and you miss him more than you’ve missed anything before. You keep looking to the side to see if he’s there, when you know he won’t be. The White is bucking and keening inside of you, the darkness falling out of your body—you can feel the pain of the water as it becomes steam in the shower, and you’re almost knocked to your knees by the ache of the phone to be closer to the lamp—and you need to find out if he could meld them together again. If it had been a fluke, or an accident, or if you were simply losing your fucking mind.

You have to be. You must be going mad. It’s the only explanation for why you take a long shower and change into your own clothing, but you still smell grass and leather and spice. It’s purgatorial. You go through your whole routine—scrubbing all the blood off your body with rough sugar that bites into your skin, running your hands under white-hot water that leaves your skin raw but the darkness pushed down, tending to your hair until it frame your features easily, and you don’t look like a bruised and battered animal—but you still smell him. You toss his shirt off to the side, but he’s clinging to the sheets. You change into sleepwear, but your body can still feel a strong, warm touch. You turn your empty flask in your hands, watching light catch off the steel, and someone’s knocking on your fucking door-

Dean hisses your name through the wood, and you freeze.

“I know you’re in there!” He’s half-shouting, and the whole world feels more colorful, and what is wrong with you. “C’mon, Princess, open the door. It’s me!” He pauses, the knocking faltering. “Uh, Dean Winchester.”

He sounds a little defeated, and you can’t stop the smile on your face as you toss the flask back into your bag, cross the room, and open the door. 

Dean gives you an adorable, almost nervous grin and scans over you. Slow and deep and appreciative—taking in your sleep clothes, how your whole body is more relaxed than it had been all day—and his smile grows as his eyes find yours once more.

“You look pretty wearing normal stuff.” He leans a little on the door frame, and it’s so effortlessly and perfectly rouge-cowboy-white-knight-and-knave that he has to have practiced. “Better than that old-lady jacket you hand on before.”

You roll your eyes. “That’s my professional jacket, Winchester. What do you want?”

The words are harsher than you mean them to be, and his grin falters slightly. “I was, uh, I was wondering,” he rubs the back of his neck, clearing his throat. “I got my dad’s car. I was gonna ask if you wanted to go for a drive or something, but you’re obviously ready to turn in, so-“

“Do you want to come in?” 

You’re not sure how he’s doing this. Making you speak without thought, making your words reckless when they’re usually so carefully chosen. You have to be careful with your words, because you’ve spent years weaving a web that shows everyone everything, but not from every angle. And he’s fucking unraveling it. Dean just looks at you, and you pull at a thread so he can see whatever he wants, and you can’t understand how the fuck he’s doing it.

It must be on purpose, but he looks just as shocked as you are—gaping at you slightly, his features open and uncertain—and you don’t think it’s an act. Especially not as his voice becomes slightly hoarse, his feet restlessly shifting his weight as he speaks.

“Yeah, if you want, but I’m good to just head out if you-“

“Do you want to head out?”

Dean’s grin becomes bright once more, and the shake of his head sends a spark of lightning through your body.

“So,” you step to the side, offering him a small smile. “Come in.”

He shuffles inside, scanning over your scattered possessions and stopping at the side of the bed. 

“I can,” he looks back to you, his eyes a little wide. “I can sit on the floor, or we can go outside-“

You shake your head, moving to his side. “There are bugs outside. Sit on the bed.”

Dean glances at the mattress like the sheets might leap up and strangle him. “Floor looks good-“

“Winchester.” You point at the bed, giving him a stern glare. “Sit.”

“I am not a freakin’ dog-“

You place a hand on his chest and push him—just enough for him to get the message—and he sit on the bed with a wide happy? gesture. 

You drop at his side, watching him carefully as you try to work out what is happening. Why he’s here. If he’s looking at you like that—like you’re more than a human, but that’s hypnotizing, and he’d love to find what you actually are—because he can feel this too. 

But Dean beats you to it.

“Can I ask you something?”

You tilt your head at him, pulling your knees into your chest. “Can I ask you something?”

“Huh.” Dean hums, the smile creeping back onto his face. “How about we trade? I ask you a question, you gimme an answer, then we switch.”

You give him an amused look. “That’s just a conversation.”

“Nah, because if I ask you something and you answer, now I owe you a question. You can turn down a question, but you’ll still owe an answer.”

You frown. “What happens if you owe an answer?”

He shrugs, flopping onto his back. “Then the other person keeps asking questions.”

Dean looks so real. He’s grinning up at you, light dancing as his eyes as he obviously baits you into whatever he’s trying to do. 

And you fall for it. Despite your best judgement, you fall.

“I’m going first.” 

He chuckles, but raises his hand for you to shake. “Deal, Princess.”

The moment your hand folds into Dean’s he pulls you down, leaving your smushed slightly against him and his face only inches from yours once more. And your yelp was undignified, and he’s such an asshole—laughing and grinning as you shove his chest—and you’re smiling too. 

Because this is easy. And you have a feeling that, if this strange man—who’s too pretty, and that’s making you feel like you’ve never really been alive before this—dragged you right down to hell, you’d still be laughing and smiling at him. And that’s so fucking dangerous. And you know that, but you still can’t stop looking at him, and you can’t roll away. And you decide that, just for tonight, you’re going to indulge this. You’ll dedicate hours when he’s gone to figuring out what the fuck this is. Right now you get to laugh and smile and act like nothing in the world has ever—could ever—hurt you.

“So,” Dean says your name, and it still sounds too good. “You have a question to go first with? Or were you just bein’ bossy-“

“Shut up.” You swing your leg to kick his shin, he laughs, and it’s like music. Making you high and dizzy as you watch him, running your thumb over your palm. “I’ve got it, Winchester. You ready?”

“Born it, sweetheart,” he winks at you, and that’s dizzying too. “Hit me.”

“Why are you here?”

“I told you already, I wanted to talk to you-“

You hum, holding his gaze with a small frown. “Why?”

Dean chuckles, shaking his head. “That’s two questions-“

“It’s a ride off of the first question-“

“Well, I still gotta ask my first question before you get a second one.” He raises his brows at you, bump your knee with his. “We shook on this, Princess, you don’t get to change it now.”

You glare at him, but you think he knows it’s fake, because his grin becomes almost blinding. “Fine. Go.”

Dean rolls onto his side, holding your gaze as he speaks. “How’d you get that car?”

You frown. “The Lexus?”

He nods, and you sigh. 

“I borrowed it.” It’s not a lie, but it’s a half-truth. It’s a half-truth that will keep him here, at your side, for a little longer than you might deserve. “For the hunt.”

“Well, it’s freakin’ awesome.” He grins at you, and your face might burst into flame. “Your move.”

“Why are you really here?”

Dean lets out a dry chuckle. “Will you let it go if I say to talk again?”

“Nope. Answer me.”

“It’s, uh,” he rolls flat on his back once more, running a hand over his face. “Tomorrow’s gonna be Dad telling us about safety and Sammy asking you a bunch of questions.” He shoots you a small, amused grin. “I think he’s been writing them down. He’s into all that geek-shit too-“

“I am not a geek-“

“Yeah, you are.” He shrugs. “Don’t worry, I think it’s adorable. But Sammy thinks you’re the coolest person we’ve ever met. So after Dad finishes, he’ll try to use you like a freakin’ library, and I just figured I’m the one who found you, so I should get a night of you all to myself.”

You gape at him for a second, and you’ve defiantly burst into flames. He wants you all himself, and he thinks you’re adorable, and he doesn’t know you, but he doesn’t seem like the type to say all that just to get in your pants, and if he was, he’d be there already. He’d just have to roll on top of you, but he’s only looking at you like you’re something sacred instead of a disease or trophy. 

He must feel this too. He has too. And you want to ask him, but you don’t know how, because you don’t even know what this is. It’s magnetic and infinite and bigger than anything, forging something you don’t know how to name between where the White and darkness live in your body. And Dean might not even have the White and darkness. Nobody else does—that’s something that’s wrong with only you—so if you phrase it like that he’ll think you’re insane-

“My turn.” Dean says, and you’re dragged back down to earth, grounded in his smooth voice. “What’s up with your hand?”

You blink at him. “What?”

“That one.” he reaches over, tapping the back your hand. “You’ve been touching it all day, and I kinda, uh,” he gives you an apologetic look. “I saw the scar. If you wanna pass on this one, I’ll drop it, but-“

“No, it’s,” you take a long breath, because this would be an easy one to refuse to answer, but his fingers are lingering on your knuckles and setting off little sparks over your skin, and you want to tell him. It takes a moment of just staring at him to you find the words, and his eyes never leave yours, and everything about him seems to drug you into a loose-lipped, trusting ease. “I’ve have it since I was really young. There was, um, an incident.”

Dean still doesn’t look away, his voice slightly lower. “Hunting incident, or-“

“No.” You swallow, turning your hand for him to see the long, clean scar on your palm. Running through it in a neat, raised line. “Just an incident.”

He looks like he’s going to say something. Not push, but say something, and you blurt out your next question before he can get the chance. It’s not what you wanted to ask—you hadn’t offered yourself enough time to find the right words for something really fucking weird is happening to me, and I need to know if it’s happening to you too—but it’s dragged out of you in desperation to learn a little more about him. In a plea for him to only know that you’re marred where he can see, and never discover that you’re twisted where he can’t.

“What’s it like?” You watch him carefully, your fingers starting to trace over the scar. “Hunting with your family?”

“It’s fine.” He shrugs. “I mean, Dad’s a freakin’ genius at it, and it’s awesome to watch him work. Plus I get to keep an eye on Sammy like this. Know he’s safe.” He frowns. “I mean, it’s better than sending him off alone. Letting him be in danger.”

You hum, scanning over the wrinkle in his brow, your thumb starts to itch to press on it, sooth his whole face into a relaxed smile. “You guys are close?”

Dean nods eagerly. “Yeah, I mean, He’s a freakin’ loser, but he’s all I got. He’s a weird little geek-“

You laugh. “He’s taller than you are, De. I wouldn’t call that little.”

“He’s little in spirit-“ Dean cuts himself off, and his grin looks almost manic. “Did you just call me De?”

“No.” You hold his gaze, even as your face warms. “Shut up.”

“I heard you, Princess, you can’t lie to me-“

“Well, is that your question?” You grin at him, your body leaning a little further without you moving it, and Dean eyes flash.

“You gonna tell me the truth if it is?”

You nod, and he smirks.

“Then yeah, it was.”

“Okay. I did call you De.” Before he can gloat, you push on. “Why do you call me Princess?”

“I told you already, it suits you-“

You narrow your eyes. “Try again, Winchester. Real answer this time.”

He sighs, shaking his head at the ceiling. “You just,” Dean waves his hand through the air. “You’ve got a thing going. You don’t look like a hunter.”

“What’s that supposed to mean-“ 

“It means,” He gives you a strange look you can feel flash through your blood, melding the White back into the darkness, turning every simple and bright as he continues. “That if you asked me what I thought you were, I’d have said something fancy.”

You open your mouth, but he’s not done, and he won’t look away from you.

“I dunno, you just seem too pretty to be down here in the mud with us. You should eating caviar and wearing those poofy dresses-“

You snort. “Poofy dresses?”

“Yeah, like in movies, when they dance around like douchebags-“

“So you’re saying I seem like a douchebag-“

“No, I’m saying you should be somewhere that’s not here.” Dean’s attention is washing over you like a rising tide—slow and natural and deep—and you still can’t read that expression on his handsome face. “The mud.”

He’s so close. And if he thinks you’re pretty, he’s a work of art. You’ve never see someone look like him. Like he was created, and not born. Every freckle on his face is more like a star than a flaw, and there a slight crook to his nose that tells you he’s been punched there before, but it only makes you want to run your finger over the bump and see if his pretty eyes flutter or flash. His lips are chapped but they’d still be soft. His hands look rough, but that just means he uses them.

You think it would be nice to let him use you.

“I like it in the mud,” you whisper, daring to inch a little closer, until you’re sharing a breath. “It feels real. And,” you grin at him, everything blurring around you but pretty green eyes and shining silver in your chest. “I’ve got good company down here.”

There it is. The flash in his eyes as they darken slightly, a warm breath fanning over your face, and he looks golden. In the warm light of the lamp, glowing soft on his tan skin, Dean looks like something more than human. You feel like something more than human, and for the first time in your life, that’s not a curse. And he’s still so fucking close, and this is a terrible idea, but you can’t bring yourself to move away.

You should. He’s John Winchester’s son, and you’re not sure how you forgot that. It’s past midnight, and you have a feeling he wasn’t supposed to be here at all, and this is the worst idea you’ve ever had. 

But you still can’t move.

“You should, um,” you swallow, and your lips might have brushed over his. “You should get back. It’s late, and your dad-“ 

“Shit,” Dean mutters, but still doesn’t try to move away. “Yeah.” 

Your eyes dart down to his lips—full and pink, just a small movement away from yours—and you decide you don’t care what’s happening to you. This is—Dean is—too good to care. You don’t need to know why this is happening, or what it means, or if you should be trying to run from it. You just need Dean. You think that—if the world ended and time began to move slowly—you might plant roots in the motel floor and grow into Dean until the world flooded and you were both washed away. 

“I have one last question,” he mutters, breath ghosting over your lips. “If I leave you my number, will you use it?”

You nod without thinking, he grins, and you’re so fucked. You can’t kiss him. You might fall from a million feet if you kiss him. Down, down, down, clinging to him as you both try to find an end to whatever this is and likely fail to. But Dean sits up slowly—like the movement is painful—and when he helps you to your feet you think you might ascend from just his hand in yours. Touching him feels like it’s making you pure and worthy of something, and you have to know what kissing him will do.

Not on the lips. You still have enough of your willpower and caution to not crash all the way down, at least not right now. But you kiss his cheek, and that’s tragedy enough. It snaps something into place inside you, soft stubble and warm skin too much for your entire existence to handle. It’s all too much to handle, and if he hadn’t mumbled a low promise of seeing you tomorrow and left when he did, you would’ve jumped on him to chase whatever this feeling is. How it’s the only thing you’ve ever felt that might belong inside you, and the only easy thing that the darkness has ever bended for.

And when you sleep, that’s easy too. It’s dreamless and deep, no nightmares, no waking up in a cold sweat, no darkness wrapping around you and leaving the sheets only ash when you wake up.

But when you do wake up, something is wrong. You feel it first, gnawing at your nails and blood. And when you roll over to check the time, your phone is gone. 

It had been on the bedside table, a scrap of paper with Dean’s number under it, and it’s gone.

The paper is gone too.

You shoot out of bed, and Dean’s shirt is still in the corner, because he’d told you to give it to him in the morning, to trade it for your Agent Smith badge. But your phone is gone.Your window is open—cool breeze rushing through the room—and your phone is fucking gone.

You’d been smart to pack the night before. You’d been smart to keep your keys in your jacket, and park right outside your room. You can shove everything in the passenger’s seat and screech out of the motel lot in a second. You don’t know why, but you’re heading to Dean first. Something is wrong, and you don’t know what, but the White is trying to strangle your heart and the darkness is already eating up your spine and over your skull.

John Winchester’s sleek, black muscle car—Dean told you it was an Impala, and he’d said it with a pride in his voice that had dragged a smile onto your face—isn’t parked in the lot. And when you knock on the door nobody answers. All the lights in the room are off, there’s no shadows moving through the window, and the door is locked.

You move to the front desk and ask if the men in that room had checked out. And when the clerk gives you a weary look and says that they’d paid for another two nights, but dropped the keys off that morning, your gut twists. 

They were gone. Dean was gone. And something fragile and new shattered inside you, leaving small pieces lodged through your whole body. You stumble back to your car, the darkness moving out of your body and the whole world too fucking big, and you don’t know what’s wrong with you. You’d known him a day. He’d known you a day. Nothing was owed, but you can still feel it. How the White seems to be howling from the loss of him, and the darkness can’t stop growing as it sinks in. 

He left. You don’t know why, but Dean left. He’d probably taken your phone, taken his number, and just fucking left you. Maybe he’d seen you last night, really seen you, and realized what you were. Maybe he’d just been playing you the whole time for some sort of scam. Maybe you hadn’t kissed him, and he’d decided you weren’t worth the chase. And that would mean you had been going crazy, and he hadn’t felt anything at all.

The thought lets the darkness move over you, and you can feel everything everywhere. The electricity in the wires over your head, the wear of painted lines in the parking lot, the hope of the grass peeking through the concrete under your feet. 

The grass that smells like Dean.

It breaks through you before you can stop it. Reaching past your body and down into the pavement, cracking it open with all the force of how much this hurts. How it shouldn’t hurt, it doesn’t make any sense that it hurts, but you’re still breaking and bowing and bending to the way you feel like you’ve been fucking shot. You fall down to the curb, curling into yourself as the ground shakes under your feet, and the wind picks up until—in the forest across the parking lot—a branch falls to the ground.

Then a second one. 

You manage to bring your hand to your mouth, to bite down hard and force all the darkness back into your body, and you still don’t know what to do. 

This hurts so much, and you’re alone in the middle of nowhere, and Dean’s gone.

You still have your burner phone. Your dad makes you keep it in your jacket, just in case something happens, and it only has his number. You dial him with shaking hands, the darkness still trying to climb back out of you, take a deep breath as you raise it to your ear.

He picks up on the second ring.

“Hey,” He says your name, his voice already edged with worry. “I didn’t think I’d be hearin’ from you until after that blood hunt thing-“

“Hunt’s over.” You mumble, staring at the cracked pavement. “Got it last night.”

“Was it a vamp like I told ya’-“

“Moroi.”

“I’d call that vamp enough. Good work, kiddo, Rufus owes us a dinner-“

“Bobby?”

Your voice is soft, and he hears it. Bobby always hears it. 

“What happened,” he says your name, and you can hear the frown in his voice. It makes everything worse, because you can’t tell him. Not now, maybe not ever if you can avoid it. You can’t handle how he’ll help you fix this and let you rest, then spend a week lecturing you and telling you everything you already know. Because you really do know. You fucked up, and you know that.

But Bobby doesn’t have to.

“Nothing, I just-“ you swallow, your nails digging into your calf. “Can I come home?”

There’s a long moment of static through the phone, and when Bobby speaks again his voice is low. “You can always come home,” he says your name, and you choke on the clean air around you. “But you get a week of mopin’ before we’re grabbin’ that dinner from Rufus. Alright?”

You nod, even though he can’t see it. “I’ll be there by tomorrow.”

“Should be two days, if you drive carefully like you’re supposed to.” Bobby grunts. “And ditch that fancy car you’ve been usin’, I don’t need the cops askin’ questions about it.”

You feel a smile tug at your lips. “You never let me have anything nice, Bobby-“

“You never let me have goddamn peace, kid.” Bobby snaps, and your smile grows. “Your bed will be ready for you. And I better not see that bells and whistles hunk of shit in my yard-“

“Aye, aye captain. No fancy cars.” You make a mock salute he can’t see, and Bobby huffs.

“Stolen fancy cars.” He grumbles. “Stop bein’ a smartass and get on the road.”

When the call ends, your smile feels real. The strange, fractured feeling in the White is still there, and the darkness might be trying to fly out of you, but you’re better than before. You’ll go home, Bobby will never know what happened, and none of this will last. You’ll be fine. Dean Winchester might haunt you like a phantom or cancer for the rest of your fucking life—or at least until you figure out what he did to you, and how to fix it—but you’ll get through this. 

You always do.

—————————

Dean’s grip was tight on Her phone. It was just a fucking block of metal—it would be useless when they tossed it off a bridge in a few miles—but he couldn’t let go of it. It felt wrong to let go of it. 

He’d be letting go of Her.

He hadn’t wanted to take it, but Dad said he needed to—Don’t want to let an angry woman have a line to you, son. Especially not a crazy one—and Dad knew what he was talking about, so Dean had done it. He’d snuck back into Her room through the window, grabbed Her phone and the paper with his number, and felt like the lowest piece of trash in the goddamn garbage can. The maggot-ridden chunk of food that nobody had wanted, but was still figuring out a way to fuck everything else up in twisted retribution. 

Because there was guilt eating at Dean’s stomach. He shouldn’t have taken Her phone, not when She wasn’t that much older than Sammy. Not when She’d said her dad would be waiting for her to call, and Dean might have stolen Her only line to safety just because-

Because She’d been using him. And he’d been falling for it. She’d given him that smile like he’d fallen out of the sun and into Her hands, She’d crafted some sort of perfect mask that had felt so real—felt like this strange, mouthy, clever woman had just appeared to him, and he could’ve had something nice for once in his goddamn life—and moved Dean like a fucking pawn. 

Dad had been waiting for him when he got back, and whatever weird spell She’d put Dean under—making him feel a little drunk on nothing, making him act like a fucking idiot—had been ripped away under his glare. 

But Dean hadn’t gotten yelled at. He’d just been sat down—Dad’s gaze filled with disappointment that Dean’s bones didn’t know how to handle—and had papers pushed across the table in his direction. 

“What are these?” He’d asked, and Dad had sighed, because Dean was too much of an idiot to just know, and Dad knew it. 

“Read them.” Dad had grumbled, watching Dean through narrowed eyes. “And tell me if you want to see that girl again.”

He’d frowned but scanned over the papers. Printed out website pages about… Her. Her family. How She was missing, how She’d stolen from them, and how they were rich. Normal, alive, and rich, looking for Her and whatever she’d taken. Warning that She was crazy, a chronic liar, and should be turned over to the police if seen. There was no picture, but there was a description that matched Her perfectly, right down to a scar on her palm.

“Dad.” He’d looked up with wide eyes, something strange bucking around inside of him, insisting that this was a lie. Dean didn’t know Her—they’d had three conversations for fuck’s sake—but this didn’t seem like Her. None of this seemed like the clever, beautiful, almost ethereal woman he’d been lying on the bed with. Dean didn’t know howor why, but this couldn’t be the truth. “I don’t-“

“She’s just usin’ you, Dean.” Dad had muttered, his eyes softening just enough for Dean to know he was sorry. He might not really like Her, but he was trying to protect Dean. He always was. “Chasing a high that her daddy can’t give her, lookin’ for a way to pull somethin’ on us. Probably huntin’ just for some sort of fucked up thrill. This,” Dad tapped the papers, his face twisting in disgust. “Isn’t someone who deserves our time, and I don’t know what her game is, but I ain’t just gonna let my boy fall for it.”

Something in Dean had still been fighting. Insisting that Dad was wrong, he had to be wrong, because Dean might not really know Her but he’d throw his life down at her feet. He’d plummet to the bottom of the ocean to follow Her down, if She called him with that siren-like voice and asked him to.

And that was how he knew Dad was right. Dean had no idea who She really was, and he’d already been ready to become a sword for her to wield. So he’d nodded, asked Dad what to do, and fallen back into the line She’d forced him out of. And it wouldn’t matter that Dean had been an idiot and almost fallen for Her—Her tricks, or just Her—because Dad had saved him. He’d protected him. And it didn’t matter.

Now, as they drove—Dad’s grip tight on the wheel, Sammy sleeping in the backseat—Dean repeated it over and over. That hadn’t mattered. It had been a mistake that Dad caught, so no harm, and it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that She’d looked at Dean like she could see him, or that Her voice sounded like an angel in a dream. It didn’t matter that Her lips had felt right on his cheek, and that his annoying brain kept trying to move the ghost of Her touch to his own mouth. It didn’t matter that he could still smell the sugar and fruit that had invaded his every sense when She’d been pressed against him. It didn’t matter that She’d fit perfectly at his side, like she was just another part of him he hadn’t known he was missing. It didn’t matter that something felt like it had been ignited in Dean’s chest. Golden and light and washing him over with a sense of calm he’d never known, making him feel like—if he had been stupid enough to fall further—the worst that could happen was She didn’t fall with him. And even that would be worth the way this feeling was like lightning over his bones, making him strong and fucking alive. 

But it didn’t matter. He’d fallen for a pretty, spoiled little bitch—his heart almost withered at that idea, still being a freaking dumbass and trying to justify why She’d done this—and he’d never even see Her again, so it didn’t matter.

And it defiantly didn’t fucking matter that he’d taken Her flask, because he was fucking pathetic. Because he’d been sneaking around her room, and the flash of silver had caught his eyes, and he’d stolen it like some sort of street urchin. He’d burn it, just to rid himself of the way She was becoming plague-like on his mind. It wasn’t like she needed a flask, anyway. She didn’t even drink.

But that might have just been another strange lie. So Dean would burn it. He wouldn’t tell Dad or Sammy that he’d taken it—they didn’t really need to know how weak and useless Dean really was—so he’d burn it and everyone would forget this had ever happened. He’d burn it, and never think of Her again.

Dean felt like he was being ripped in half for reasons he couldn’t even start to understand, but it had been nothing, and it didn’t matter.

Dean dreamt of Her when he finally drifted off. And his heart kept trying to beat him back down—back to Her—but he held strong. He could dream of Her and not go back. He’d never see Her again, and dreams weren’t real. 

None of that had been real, and Dean could dream of Her.

So he would.

End Note: I know we’re off to a rough start, and we’ve got a long road ahead of us, but just remember this. What’s about to come could’ve been entirely avoided if John Winchester wasn’t the actual worst.

Thank you so so so much for reading!! If you like this story, please reblog, share, or leave a comment! <3

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@ambiguous-avery @elle14-blog1 @impala67rollingthroughtown

[pinkskiessss]

LACY - chapter 3

Warnings: Language

Paige Bueckers x oc

A/N: Last chapter for tonight :)

Laylas perspective

The silence in the car felt heavy, to say the least. Layla couldn’t shake the feeling that something was different tonight between them. She wasn’t sure if it was the late hour, the strange turn of events, or the quiet, palpable tension between her and Paige. They had only really talked today, but now, being alone in the car with Paige, Layla felt oddly aware of every small movement Paige made—how her fingers held on the steering wheel, how her blue eyes flicked to Layla every so often.

“So, have you eaten yet?” Paige’s voice broke the silence, a casual question that was somehow comforting.

Layla glanced at her phone again, checking the time. “It’s 1 AM, Paige. What’s even open?”

Paige laughed lightly, her eyes glancing at Layla before focusing back on the road. “Fair. But I was thinking we could cook something. It’s not like we have anything else to do bro.” As if it’s not 1 AM.

Layla stiffened slightly at the suggestion. She liked things a certain way, and cooking this late wasn’t exactly part of her usual routine. Her apartment was always neat and organized—everything in its place. The thought of being in someone else’s space, cooking at this hour, was a little unsettling. But Paige’s easygoing tone made it seem like no big deal. “You want to cook at 1 AM?” Layla asked, her voice a little more hesitant than she intended.

Paige shrugged, her fingers still tapping on the wheel. “Why not? We’re not getting any sleep tonight anyway. Plus, I don’t know about you, but I’m literally starving.”

Layla bit her lip, glancing out the window. She wasn’t exactly hungry, but the idea of disappointing Paige seemed worse. “I guess you’re right. I could eat something.”

Paige pulled into the parking lot of her own dorm building, and Layla felt a knot of uncertainty in her stomach. She had never been to Paige’s dorm before, after all, they didn’t like eachother less than 48 hours ago. The building was quiet, and Layla’s mind raced as she tried to prepare herself for whatever might come next. She wasn’t exactly used to being so… spontaneous. Her life had always been a bit more controlled, predictable.

“Ready to cook?” Paige asked, her voice light, as she turned off the engine and smiled at Layla.

Layla nodded, trying to shake off the unease. “Yeah, sure.”

They walked into Paige’s building, and Layla couldn’t help but notice how relaxed the place felt. Paige led her down the hall to her apartment, and Layla’s eyes flicked to the slightly messy pr boxes on the floor and some scattered shoes by the door. It wasn’t dirty, but it was definitely different from her own meticulously organized space. Layla felt her shoulders tense as they stepped inside.

“Oh sorry about the mess, I know it kind of looks like a frat house in here,” Paige said with a grin, her voice a little high. “Morgan and KK are asleep in their rooms, so it’s just us tonight.”

“No worries,” Layla said, trying to sound casual as she followed Paige into the living room. “I’m just glad to be anywhere but the gym right now. I definitely stayed to long my body hurts.”

Paige laughed and gestured toward the couch. “Trust me I know.”

Layla sank into the cushions, feeling slightly out of place but trying not to show it. She tucked her legs underneath her, her mind still racing as she tried to adjust to the laid-back vibe of the room. Paige moved toward the kitchen, pulling out ingredients from the fridge with practiced ease.

“So, what are we making? Or you I guess, are you sure you don’t need any help?” Layla asked.

Paige turned around, holding up a frozen pizza with a grin. “Easy enough. I’m not exactly a chef, but I can make this work.”

Layla blinked, surprised. “Frozen pizza at 1 AM? That’s your big plan?”

Paige laughed, her voice light and unbothered. “Sorry, we don’t exactly have much options. We always DoorDash.”

“It’s okay don’t worry I’m not picky,” Layla responded back.

Paige set the pizza in the oven, the two of them both on the couch now. Layla sat back, her legs tucked underneath her, her arms crossed as she watched Paige flick through the TV channels. The silence between them stretched, but it wasn’t uncomfortable—just different. Layla couldn’t shake the feeling that something was building, something she couldn’t quite explain.

“So, what do you want to watch? We have to be kinda of quiet because they’re sleeping. ” Paige asked, her voice breaking the silence.

Layla shrugged, “How about Don’t Worry Darling?”

Paige glanced at her, a teasing smile tugging at her lips as she moved impossibly closer to the girl. “Really? You’re just picking that because of Harry Styles, aren’t you?”

Layla laughed, her cheeks flushing slightly. “Okay, fine, yes. He’s hot. But Florence Pugh is in it too. She’s amazing.”

Paige’s smile softened, but her eyes twinkled as she laughed. “I’m gay, Layla. I don’t really care about Harry Styles, or any guys matter a fact.”

Layla froze for a moment, her breath catching in her throat. She hadn’t expected Paige to just say it like that, so casually. It made her feel exposed, vulnerable in a way she wasn’t prepared for. But she couldn’t back out now.

Layla laughed nervously, trying to brush off the tension. “Okay, okay. But Florence Pugh is in it, too. She’s incredible.”

Paige raised an eyebrow. “She’s not really my type, though.”

Layla blinked, caught off guard. “What? How? She’s so pretty. What even is your type?”

Paige’s gaze flicked to the TV, her fingers tapping against the armrest. Layla could feel the tension between them, but Paige didn’t seem to notice. Or maybe she did, but she was trying to ignore it.

“I don’t know,” Paige said making eye contact, her voice quieter. “I guess I just… don’t really have a type. I don’t know”

Layla’s heart skipped a beat, and she found herself staring at Paige back, wanting to say something, but the words wouldn’t come. She wanted to ask, to press her, but the moment felt fragile. Instead, she looked away, her thoughts a jumble of confusion.

Before long, the pizza was ready, and they ate in comfortable silence. Layla’s body felt tense, her mind spinning with thoughts she couldn’t quite grasp. It was like there was a pull between them, something that she couldn’t explain, but she didn’t want to acknowledge it. She wasn’t sure what to make of it.

When the movie ended, Layla felt her eyelids grow heavy. She hadn’t meant to fall asleep on the couch, but before she knew it, her head was resting in Paige’s lap. Paige’s fingers gently stroked her hair, and Layla’s heart raced at the contact. She told herself it was nothing, just a friendly gesture. But the warmth of Paige’s hand, the way her body felt so close, was making it hard to think clearly.

They lay like that for a while, wrapped up in the quiet of the apartment, the soft rhythm of Paige’s breathing lulling Layla to sleep. She didn’t know what any of this meant, but she knew that being here, with Paige, felt… good. And that scared her more than anything.

[silverynight]

Moonlight spell

Izuku is the only witch living among the werewolf community, he's not the only human though. His mother and he made friends with them when they arrived at the village they used to live.

Then the werewolves left, Izuku traveled for a while in order to learn more about magic and ended up finding the werewolves and living among them; his mother decided to stay in their old village.

Now he has a small shop in the werewolf city where he sells his potions and heals them whenever they need it; Izuku is quite respected there.

Although he must admit that part of it is because he's very good friends with their leader, Bakugo Katsuki.

"Nerd, I'm back!" The tall werewolf walks in the cottage, that's also a shop, and approaches the counter with a basket full of mushrooms, flowers, and all types of plants. "I brought you more ingredients!"

They met when they were kids, and they immediately became friends, although little Katsuki always insisted that he was with Izuku all the time because he was clearly very weak and needed his protection.

That was at first.

After a few years of being inseparable, the little werewolf started scenting little Izuku. Scenting is a practice werewolves do for different reasons; it's the act of nuzzling or rubbing against another person or werewolf in order to make them smell like them. They can do it for comfort, to relax or let other werewolves know that person is taken or under their protection.

It seems little Katsuki was a bit confused back then because he kept telling others that Izuku was his mate.

Then the werewolves left, and Katsuki didn't take it very well. He tried to take little Izuku with him, but his parents found out and returned the kid to Inko, his mother.

When they saw each other again, years later, Katsuki made Izuku promise they would stay together no matter what.

Now that he's a very experienced witch and has reached adulthood, Izuku didn't have a problem making that promise.

"You brought all of them?" The witch beams, walking around the counter to get closer to his friend. "You're amazing, Kacchan!"

Even though he's in his human form, Katsuki has his wolf ears and tail. He's grown a lot since he was a kid, and Izuku can tell he's stronger and very powerful now.

Werewolves are known for their physical strength, stamina and speed. Izuku's body is nothing compared to them, although he's not the scrawny kid he used to be (his legs are more defined, and his body while thin is stronger than before) he will never be as physically capable as a werewolf.

But he's a powerful magic user, and he can protect himself.

"Of course I'm amazing, nerd!" Katsuki smirks, tail wagging happily behind him.

As Izuku starts excitedly checking the contents of the basket, the blond werewolf puts his arms around his waist before he starts nuzzling against one of his freckled cheeks.

The witch knows this is exactly one of the reasons why all the werewolves respect him, because he smells exactly like their leader.

"Alright, I'll store these so they can stay fresh," he mumbles, before stepping away from the werewolf; he waits until Katsuki is done scenting him because if he does it before he's done, Katsuki gets irritable and pissed.

In a second, Katsuki turns into his wolf form and starts following him around; it's amazing how he can do that at will in an instant. The witch has lived enough among werewolves to know that what Katsuki does is not common; he's probably the only werewolf powerful enough to shape shift in seconds. His mother can do that too, but all the others require focus and few minutes to begin the transformation.

Katsuki is truly amazing.

Knowing he has a giant werewolf following him, Izuku takes his time to take a few notes about the new ingredients before storing them in the right shelf.

In that time, a couple of clients walk in and get slightly nervous when they see their leader there.

They always bow in front of him and make sure not to get too close to the witch.

"Healing potion?" Izuku smiles, always happy to help.

"Actually," the young werewolf blushes slightly. "I'm looking for suppressants."

"Of course!" The witch nods, handing him a purple looking potion. "There you go. You only need to drink a small sip during breakfast."

"Thank you!" He smiles, sliding a golden coin over the counter.

His friend buys a potion for colds and they both leave quickly.

Izuku learned about second genders when he was a kid; humans don't have those, but werewolves do. They they can be alphas, betas, or omegas.

Katsuki is a prime alpha, which means his scent is very attractive to omegas because they can tell he's the strongest and has good genes.

Izuku knows a few omegas, betas, and alphas have made their interest clear to him a couple of times, and some other werewolves have suggested he should find a mate soon, but he doesn't seem interested in that at the moment.

Part of him is glad, although Izuku knows he shouldn't.

The weird thing is that his parents seem to be happy with him not finding a mate, and have told Izuku a couple of times that Katsuki can marry whomever he wants, it doesn't matter if they're not a werewolf like their son.

"We believe the strongest relationships are built with mutual respect and love and that's what we want for our son," Masaru tells Izuku, ruffling his hair affectionately before walking towards his wife and kissing her on the lips.

Katsuki makes a puking sound before taking Izuku in his arms and getting out of his parents' house as soon as possible.

They visit them very often though.

A few customers walk in, and Izuku can tell the wolf is getting quite grumpy because he wants Izuku to sit on the couch at the other side of the store so Katsuki can lie next to him and put his wolf head over the witch's lap.

One of Katsuki's duties is to lead the first hunt for the pups old enough to start learning and make sure they all are safe while their respective parents try to teach them.

He's so focused on keeping them safe, he doesn't participate in the hunt or teaching; there are other kinds of hunts that they do every now and then with only adult werewolves. When that happens, Katsuki always brings the deer or sometimes moose he hunt right to Izuku's doorstep; the first time that happened it shocked the witch, but now he's used to it and finds different uses for the meat and skin because that seems to please his werewolf friend a lot.

Izuku considers them nice and thoughtful gifts from his friend; the witch sometimes cooks something for the both of them and Katsuki eats it while his tail is wagging the whole time.

Hunting seems to be so important to werewolves, the first time he went on a training hunt with the pups and their parents, Katsuki apologized to Izuku for not bringing him something. However, the witch assured him that he didn't mind and the pups' safety was always first.

Even though his friend doesn't admit it, Izuku knows Katsuki likes puppies and would love to have their own. The witch is absolutely sure he'll be an excellent father, which is why he has no idea why he doesn't choose an omega to have pups with.

It's getting late, and it seems Izuku won't have any other customers, so he makes himself a cup of tea, grabs one of his spell books and sits on the couch.

The werewolf joins him in seconds and places his head over Izuku's lap; he growls, demanding pets, until the witch starts stroking him between his ears.

After a few minutes, one of the few humans that also lives in the city walks in; he doesn't usually buy anything, but likes to bring Izuku tea and cute long skirts that the witch usually ends up loving.

"Midoriya!" Rody beams, waving enthusiastically at him. "You look as pretty as ever!"

Izuku blushes, noticing that Katsuki is fast asleep on the couch. The hunt must've been exhausting for him. Carefully, he moves the wolf head off his lap in order to rise from his seat and greet Rody.

He's actually glad Katsuki is asleep; Rody and he don't seem to like each other that much.

"I'm glad to see you!" Izuku smiles, as his friend pulls him into a tight hug.

"Listen... I'm asking this out of mere curiosity but... how do you court a witch?" Rody asks, stammering a bit and blushing to the tip of his ears while doing it.

Izuku gets a bit surprised at first because it does sound like he wants that information for himself, but then again there are no other witches in that city, unless he had meet one during his quick trips to the nearby village.

Part of him wants to ask but he knows it's not his place, besides, Rody will probably tell him eventually and even introduce him to this other witch once they start dating.

"Gifts are always good, but practical gifts are the best," Izuku mumbles then, trying to recall all the things his mother used to say (for some reason she used to think Izuku was going to be courted by someone soon, although that never happened).

"Can I give them food?"

"Oh, no!" Izuku says immediately. He wants to make sure Rody doesn't make that mistake. "Anything food related will make them think of you as a friend who considers them family."

"I see..."

"If you really want them to get it, you should bring them a rare item or an ingredient for their potions that's difficult to find. If you give them that, they'll sure know you're courting them and probably agree to start a relationship with you!"

"That sounds good, so what do you-"

Poor Rody doesn't get to finish because a very grumpy, blond wolf tackles him to the ground, growling the whole time at him.

"Kacchan!"

Fortunately, the wolf moves away and in a second turns back into his human form. He stands right behind Izuku, with his arms crossed over his chest, while grimacing at the human on the floor.

"Are you alright, Rody?"

"Yeah, I am. He didn't actually hurt me," he says as Izuku helps him up. He looks over the witch's shoulder and adds: "Although he looked like he wanted to."

"I still want to," Katsuki growls.

"Kacchan, please! Rody is my friend!"

"He starts it! Always wanting to steal something of mine!"

The witch has never been more confused before.

"What are you talking about?"

"It's okay, Midoriya," Rody smiles at him, lifting both hands up in surrender. "I'll leave for now."

"Don't come back here!"

"I'll see you soon, Midoriya!" the human says, completely ignoring the irritated werewolf.

After he closes the door behind himself, Izuku turns around to face Katsuki, but is surprised when he notices that his friend looks like he's almost in pain.

"What is it, Kacchan?"

"Tell me you know something about werewolf courtship, Izuku."

The witch has no idea why is that so important out of the sudden or why Katsuki decides to bring it up at that moment.

Now Izuku feels really bad; he should know more about his friend's culture and customs, although he knows a few things like the moon cycles and how they affect them, he know about their biology because they always come to him to heal them and he knows how important hunts and family are to them.

But courtship? They don't usually do that in front of him and no one has ever tried to court him.

"I don't. I'm sorry, Kacchan."

"Shit!"

"But I can learn!"

"It's... fine," Katsuki says, even though he still looks like he's in pain. "I have to go. I'll be back!"

"What? Why?"

It's too late. The werewolf leaves, and Izuku feels like he's the worst friend in the world.

Katsuki doesn't come back that day or the day after that, and Izuku starts getting worried but hopes it's just because he's pissed at him.

The irises are a good flower to help someone see faraway, but the witch doesn't want to use it to look for Katsuki just now. He should ask his friends first.

"Don't worry, Midoriya!" Kirishima says, prompting Izuku to finally relax. "He's just doing something important."

"Do you know if he's mad at me?"

Kaminari snorts, like the mere question is amusing for some reason.

"Not at all, sweetie!" Ashido says, after hitting Kaminari on the back of the head. "Quite the opposite, actually!"

The opposite? What does that mean? However, instead of asking that, Izuku decides to find out more about their customs regarding courtship rituals.

"Why are you so curious about that?" Kaminari asks, still amused.

"Because Kacchan asked me the other day if I knew anything about that and I couldn't answer properly!" Izuku replies, biting his bottom lip at the end, still feeling terrible.

"That explains a lot, actually."

"What do you mean?"

"Don't mind them, sweetie," Ashido steps closer to him, so he doesn't notice the other two, looking at each other like they're having a silent conversation. "Listen. It's actually very simple. We just like to show the people we're courting we can provide for them. So usually werewolves start the courtship by bringing the animal they hunt (the bigger, the better) to that person's doorstep. And if they eat from it, it means they accept the gift."

But that's... not possible.

"Why not possible?"

Izuku is so flustered he doesn't realize he says that out loud. Although it looks like Ashido knows why he's so surprised and confused out of the sudden.

"Does anyone have been bringing you courting gifts after each hunt they go to?"

But Katsuki only sees him as a friend.

"I think... I need to talk to Kacchan."

As soon as possible.

***

Katsuki comes back with a basket full of starry flowers; a plant Izuku has only seen a handful of times and has collected once. The problem with that magic flower is that it can't be taken with tools of any kind; if someone wants one, they have to take it with their bare hands. That wouldn't be a huge problem if it wasn't because that particular plant is full of torns in the form of stars and it hurts a lot to even try to take one, let alone the five Katsuki has brought for Izuku.

However, that flower is an amazing ingredient for potion making and a powerful one too. The witch has mentioned a couple of times in front of his friend, and how it's almost impossible for him to get one.

"Kacchan..." It's difficult for Izuku to say something this time, especially when he notices all the cuts on the werewolf's palms that he's sure must hurt a lot.

"I hope you like this," he grimaces in pain for a second as he leaves the basket over the counter. "Be careful when you try to grab one."

Still speechless, Izuku notices the cut on Katsuki's arms and his face; they're superficial but he knows each one must've hurt a lot.

Why would he do something like that? But then, after all the things Ashido told him and the conversation he had with Rody a few days ago, everything makes sense.

Izuku starts tearing up.

"Why are you crying? I thought these were a good thing! You always were babbling about their properties and magic powers!" Katsuki is worried about him now, and Izuku couldn't love him more if he wanted.

"It's okay. They're happy tears." The witch assures him, gently pushing him towards the couch. "Now sit so I can patch you up."

The witch is very careful; he uses a healing spell he learned a while ago to help Katsuki's body heal faster and take away his pain. He knows it's working when he notices the werewolf's shoulders relax, and the tiny cuts start disappearing like they never existed.

When Izuku is done, he cradles Katsuki's face in his hands, prompting him to blink in confusion.

"Are you trying to court me, Kacchan?"

"I've been for the past year, thanks for finally fucking noticing," Katsuki says, although he's not actually mad. There's a glimmer of amusement and hope in his red eyes now.

Although Izuku still feels bad and embarrassed for being so oblivious.

"Stop pouting, nerd!" Katsuki smirks, putting both arms around Izuku's waist to pull him closer. "I'll forgive you if you let me keep courting you."

Izuku starts tearing up again but nods immediately as Katsuki rolls his eyes and gently wipes the witch's tears away with his thumb.

"Crybaby." The werewolf says but he can't hide the fondness in his voice.

"Wait! But... shouldn't you marry another werewolf like you?" Izuku asks, genuinely worried.

"I can mate whomever the fuck I want," he replies fiercely. "I love you, Izuku. I don't want anyone else."

"I love you too, Kacchan."

A few weeks later, after Katsuki moves in with him, Izuku mentions that he'd like to have at least two children.

"But I thought only the people who were born female could get pregnant," Katsuki mumbles a bit confused after pulling Izuku into his arms. "Humans don't have second genders."

"We don't. And even though I'm male, I can get pregnant because I'm a witch. There's a potion for that. I learned how to make it a while ago because I always wanted to have babies."

Izuku has never seen Katsuki smile like that; he looks genuinely happy with the news.

"We can have pups?"

"Yes, we can, Kacchan."

They get married a couple of months after that; Izuku's mother is there for the ceremony, and she cries as much as Masaru does.

Katsuki gives Izuku a mating bite, and the witch starts gathering the perfect ingredients for his potion.

The starry flower is one of them.

The day he starts making the potion, his husband follows him around in his wolf form (tail wagging the whole time) and sits on the couch with his head on Izuku's lap when it's time to wait for it to settle. He still has to wait another week to actually start drinking it, but it's okay, he can wait a bit longer.

He doesn't need a spell to see into their future; Izuku already knows they're going to be very happy together.

***

Patreon

[ms-demeanor]

Some notes based on the notes:

A lot of random ass diets that cut off a lot of different types of food will make you feel better because they also mean you stop regularly consuming an unknown allergen. If you cut out all grains on the atkins diet and you feel great all of a sudden, there's a decent chance you had an undiagnosed grain allergy.

The more restrictive the diet, the more likely this is - if you go vegan and feel incredible there's a chance that you are lactose intolerant and didn't know it.

There's, of course, also a chance that you are suddenly getting enough of a nutrient that you were missing (feel better on atkins? Were you on a low fat diet before? It's possible you're now absorbing more fat-soluble vitamins. Feel better on a vegan diet? Were you eating this many leafy greens before? It's possible you're now getting a lot more micronutrients that were missing from your prior diet).

That's part of why huge diet change aren't tremendously useful as a diagnostic tool. If you think you may have a food allergy, what you want to do is short-term elimination diets followed by a food challenge (if possible, a blind challenge, which means that someone else knows the ingredient is in your food but you don't).

An elimination diet means that you remove the suspect food (say, wheat) from your diet for two weeks to a month. Keep a journal of your symptoms before eliminating the suspect food and after, and after two weeks to a month "challenge" the elimination by adding the suspect food back into your diet daily and still tracking your symptoms. In practice, this is really hard to pull off as a blind food challenge (where someone adds it back and you don't know so you're certain any symptoms aren't psychosomatic) but if you do this and you track your symptoms as objectively as possible you can learn a lot.

This is something that you should ideally do with a doctor's supervision, but, like. Yeah. Chronic illness folks know what's up. A lot of the time it's going to be faster to do these challenges yourself than it would be to find a doctor who thinks it's worthwhile to do so, or to get a referral to a specialist who can do it.

Hi, I share your strong pro-medicine, pro-vaccines, anti-woo beliefs. I also have chronic digestive issues and insurance that won’t cover the useful specialists. The gastroenterologists I’ve encountered are helpful for making sure my insides look okay but they don’t seem to have much training around nutrition and food science. Nutritionists are unlicensed and I find them about as trustworthy as chiropractors, and I can’t get insurance to cover a registered dietician. The internet is saturated with pseudoscience junk and “miracle cures”, and in moments of desperation I’ve fallen for some of them. Luckily I haven’t been harmed by anything so far, but I don’t think they helped much either.

I was wondering if you or your followers have any resources on IBS and/or GERD that are scientifically sound and written for a general audience? Or advice for identifying when pop-sci-style “food science” articles are a scam?

I deeply regret to inform you that I was so annoyed by this exact problem that I literally went back to school to start working on getting a degree in nutrition and got two and a half years into a second bachelor's degree before realizing I wouldn't be able to get into any programs in my area that I could afford because the local state schools aren't accepting second bachelor's applicants. (Cal State Chico, I love you and you are too far away, it's not meant to be)

Nutrition information online is completely infested with woo and I am hesitant to point people toward one of the good resources I used to reference because it is politically batshit.

If you are looking at a food science article on the internet and are trying to figure out if it's a scam the big red flags to look out for are:

anything claiming to be a silver bullet; there are no silver bullets, no magical treatments, no one weird food that will fix the problem or one weird supplement that will make everything better.

Over-emphasis on a specific type of diet (diet as in "all the food that a person consumes" not as in "weight loss tool") for a general population. It's irresponsible to recommend a rigorous, restricted diet to a wide variety of people because people are so different that one diet that works for one person (say a vegan diet) might be unhealthy or difficult to manage for another person who would thrive on a different diet (low fat, low carb).

Anyone who tells you to cut out an entire food group or macronutrient is a liar who is trying to get your money. Unless it is your personal medical doctor who is saying "you need to stop eating grains" you do not need to stop eating grains and should not stop eating grains. You also do not need to stop eating fat, or eat only protein, or cut all fruit out of your diet. (caveat: there are some conditions that require a very low fiber diet, but even on that diet there are some fruits you can eat)

Beyond that, what you can do to make sure you're getting the best information possible is:

look up the author of any article you're looking at and see what else they've written; check what their qualifications are. See the people they interact with or have collaborated with. If they work heavily with people who are, say, antivax or proponents of raw milk, you should not trust their work.

If you see something that claims to treat your condition or help with nutrition, search "[subject] research study" or "[subject] scholarly research" and see what comes up. Read at least a few papers on the subject and see if there's a consensus or if there are broad disagreements. Get into the habit of looking up the impact scores of journals and researching the history of the journals.

Learn to recognize the woo keywords with your particular illness. For celiac that's "leaky gut," and any article I come across that discusses "leaky gut" gets extra scrutiny because sometimes there are legitimate reasons to describe a "leaky gut" but more often there are woo nonsense reasons. One really good way to figure out what the woo keywords for your illness are is to search "[your illness] + [woo huckster]", so "celiac + joseph mercola" or "celiac + the food babe." (those are good starting places to see what woo is popular around anything nutrition based, really; nothing those two say is trustworthy) you can also try "[your condition] + [specific type of medical woo]" with, like, "chiropractic" and "homeopathic" and "holistic" in the second box.

Be wary of positive assertions without evidence. If someone is making an affirmative statement and they aren't providing a citation, be suspicious.

Anyway. Good luck. It sucks out there.

[wildflowersinthewoods]

Kitchen Sink Soup: The Ultimate Comfort Dish for Using Up Veggies 🥕🫑🍅

Got a fridge full of random vegetables you’re not sure how to use? Soup is a usual answer! It’s a great way to clean out your veggie drawer while creating a delicious meal.

I’m a super picky eater when it comes to veggies. So this recipe is a wonderful way to get picky eaters to eat all the nutrients. I put all of the veggies into a food processor before cooking to finely chop them for easier cooking!

The Base Recipe: Kitchen Sink Soup

This recipe makes different servings depending on how many and what veggies you throw in.

Ingredients

• 1 large onion (I used red but use what you have)

• 3-4 minced garlic (measure with your heart)

• 2-3 celery stalks

• 2 bell peppers (again I used yellow and green but use what you have)

• 3-4 carrots

• 1 large sweet potato, peeled

• 5-6 small sweet peppers

• 5 fresh tomatoes (or canned)

• 2 small jalapeños (optional, for heat)

• 2 tbsp olive oil or butter

• 3-4 cups broth (whatever you have on hand)

• 1 tbsp tomato paste (optional, for richness)

Seasonings

I don’t measure my seasonings. I just pour until I feel like it. I base it on smell a lot of times. These are guesstimates

• 1 tbsp paprika

• 2 tsp cumin

• 2 tsp ground ginger

• 1 tsp ground jalapeño and chili powered

• 1 tbsp powdered garlic

• 2 tsp dried parsley

• 2 tsp each of sage, rosemary, and thyme

• 2 tsp Salt and white and black pepper

Instructions

1. Prep the Veggies

• Place all vegetables (onion, garlic, celery, bell peppers, carrots, sweet potato, sweet peppers, tomatoes, and jalapeño) into a food processor. Pulse until finely chopped.

2. Sauté the Veggies

• Heat olive oil or butter in a large pot over medium heat. Add the finely chopped vegetables to the pot and cook for 5-7 minutes, stirring occasionally, until softened and fragrant.

3. Season and Build the Soup

• Stir in the tomato paste (if using), followed by all the seasonings: paprika, cumin, ground ginger, ground jalapeño, powdered garlic, parsley, sage, rosemary, thyme, salt, and pepper. Mix well to coat the veggies.

4. Simmer

• Pour in the broth, ensuring the vegetables are just covered. Bring to a boil, then reduce the heat and let it simmer for 20-25 minutes, or until the vegetables are fully tender.

5. Blend

• Use an immersion blender to puree the soup until smooth and creamy. (No immersion blender? Let the soup cool slightly, then carefully blend it in batches using a countertop blender.)

6. Finish with a splash of heavy cream

• Stir in the heavy cream. Taste and adjust seasonings

Serving Suggestions

This soup is versatile and pairs beautifully with:

• Grilled Cheese: A golden, melty sandwich is perfect for dunking.

• Angel Hair Pasta: Toss the soup with cooked angel hair pasta for a hearty and filling twist.

• Naan or Crusty Bread: Because no soup is complete without some bread for scooping. It’s very similar to a curry.

Good for whether you’re trying to use up leftovers or just want a comforting meal.

What veggies are you throwing into your version? Let me know—I’d love to see how you make it your own! 🍅🍆🫛🥒🌶️🫑🌽🥕🧄🧅🥔🍠🫚

[demonslayedher]

The "Umai" Bentou: Gyunabe

A very special edition of Kimetsu Kitchen, recreating the most iconic meal of Kimetsu no Yaiba, one fit to power a Hashira through a night of battle! Good enough to be one's last meal!

As a quick forward, the first official fanbook makes it official that what Rengoku was eating on the train was a gyunabe (beef hot pot) boxed lunch, which is pretty close to a sukiyaki recipe for how it simmers beef in sweetened soy sauce brine. However, sukiyaki is typically eaten with the freshly cooked beef dipped in raw egg, for eggs were also a luxury food back in the Taisho Period commonly associated with Western style restaurant food (they were not commonly used at home until later in the period). Putting some egg in the bentou is part of what elevates it to be especially fancy. Speaking of time period differences, although it is not common now, Taisho Period gyunabe recipes included miso as part of the sweet soy sauce brine.

Thankfully searching in Japanese for keywords like "gyunabe bentou rengoku recipe" yields many results from Japanese fans who were mindful of this difference, so I more or less followed the following recipe. Unlike my usual Kimetsu Kitchen experiments, I'm going to try to write this one in a way you can follow. You can see the visuals in gif form on this post. That being said, I hate cooking, and I may not be a good person to take advice from.

Umai!! Gyunabe Bentou

2 servings, based on a Mizunoto-ranked Corp member's typical serving size

Ingredients:

200g of sliced beef short rib*

1 egg**

1/4 white or yellow onion

1/2 package grilled tofu***

1/4 leek

🔥2 tablespoons sugar

🔥1 tablespoon red miso paste

🔥3 tablespoons soy sauce

🔥3 tablespoons sake

🔥4 tablespoons mirin****

🔥2 tablespoons water

Beni-shoga (pickled ginger), to taste*****

Whatever serving size of white rice your heart desires (Japanese rice recommended, but I am not the rice police)

*Short rib is a fatty cut with lots of cartilage that turns to gelatin when slowly cooked. I prefer lean cuts, so even though it comes out tougher, I used sliced beef round and it turned out just fine.

**I prepared two eggs in case one wouldn't be very photogenic. That turned out to be a good call.

***Grilled tofu, like firm (momen) or silken (kinu), is water-packed and likely available at Asian grocers. However, the vegetarian section of a Western style grocer might only have firm & silken, in which case, go with firm.

****This can be substituted if you can't find it

*****Or totally omitted if you dislike it, can't find it, or otherwise don't mind not totally recreating the bentou

Step 1.

Get your egg(s) boiling. The internet will tell you wiser things than I can about this, but what I did is bring my water to a boil first, and then put in the eggs, submerged by about an inch. I added a splash of vinegar to make them easier to peel later. I set the timer for 10 minutes, but you can pull them sooner for runnier yolks. After that, put the eggs in cold water to stop the cooking. You could also steep the eggs in mentsuyu for half a day if you want, but I didn't bother and just peeled and added them to my brine later.

Step 2.

Get your rice cooking. I added nice clean bamboo charcoal to mine for good luck. I am not the rice police, but I did make sure to wash my rice first and gave it about 15 minutes to soak before I turned on the rice cooker. Because that is what old ladies in Japan tell you to do.

Step 3.

Cut and drain your tofu. To drain it, fold up a bunch of paper towels and set the slices on top, then put more folded paper towels on top of them. If you have flat surfaces like cutting boards to work with, you can put something heavy on top to squeeze out more water and make the tofu slices firmer and easier to work with. Do expect the surrounding area to get very wet--this is why I like to place mine on the bottom of a pan so there is somewhere for the water to flow away from the tofu, but it's not a big deal if your tofu is wet. Since you're only using half a block, you can save the rest of the tofu in water for later use; it's very versatile and packed with protein. Oh, you don't like tofu? I don't think tofu likes you much either.

Step 4.

Cut your onions. For the leeks, give them diagonal cuts, for the yellow or white onion, slicing with the grain will make them milder in flavor because you rupture fewer of of the cell membranes. Speaking of, you know what happens when you rupture those?

Step 5.

Cry. Because you miss Rengoku-san, because you hate cooking, because you are cutting onions. You must press on.

Step 6.

Mix all the ingredients marked with an 🔥. The miso might be a little clumpy, but don't worry about it. Just try to dissolve the sugar. It's a little late to say it, but I don't know if calling this a "brine" is correct. Don't at me. Do you think I cook?

Step 7.

Fry the yellow/white onion slices until almost translucent. Set aside, and clean the pan if you plan on reusing it for the rest of the dish.

Step 8.

Give the 🔥mixture a stir for good measure, and then heat it up over medium heat. Add the beef slices, simmer until heated through. Remove the beef slices, set aside.

Step 9.

Add the onions, leeks, tofu, and eggs to simmer. I just listened to my heart on the timing and wish I would have given the leeks more time and the onions less time, and I can't remember how much time I gave them. I peeled the eggs and put them in whole to give them some color and heat them back up, but maybe that wasn't necessary if you had them soaking in mentsuyu half the day. My tofu behaved. I like tofu and tofu likes me.

Step 10.

Your rice is probably done. Spread it across the bottom of your bentou.

Step 11.

Carefully slice a boiled egg in half. If you fail, try the other one. Select the prettiest half-egg to place in one corner of the bentou. Next to that, place your two prettiest leeks. Next to that, your two prettiest slices of tofu. There should a little space remaining to add your pickled ginger. You probably want to taste this first to decide how much you like it.

Step 12.

Stir back in the meat with the onions, then layer this mixture on top of the rest of the rice. The bentou is complete!

You know the final step to take once you take a bite.

Say it.

[darkcircles4lyfe]

There's something that's been bothering me for a while now, in terms of bnha's ending and it's final canon pair. I had a hard time understanding the way people seen to interpret their "superiority" over other pairs because they are "pure, healthy and wholesome", adding in how strange the author's intentions came across, and just feeling even more confused.

Until i came across a NileRed video of all things. (It feels so bizarre bringing such a random video to this discussion but bear with me lmao) Where he attempted to make "the world's purest cookie" by creating it in a lab, basically. Using the purest form of every ingredient he was able to find because "well it's pure, so it must be better, right?". And it was very amusing watching a guy who never baked before struggle to make even something so basic, with a decent, easy recipe. Everyone was excited until it came time to taste it, and it ended up being the blandest thing he's ever tasted.

And then another youtuber, Ann Reardon, who's a professional baker, not only explained the wrong in the use of the ingredients showed in the video, but also tested the recipe he used normally, and the result was just a nice choc chip cookie. There was nothing wrong with it.

Nile's entire problem was that he didn't know a thing about the nuances of baking as a science of it's own, and only went by what he, a chemist with no experience in baking, thought would work the best.

To me, that is literally that pair's entire existence in physical form. People in favor of it use the first basis of how "pure and predictable" is good regardless, because they deemed it inherently healthy but didn't bother with actually analysing it further. The story had the recipe for a regular, typical shonen romance, but both use of it and ingredients were all totally wrong.

And the author, not having any experience with writing romance, did what he thought was best, (maybe because he liked them together and was attached), but fumbled tremendously when he realized he wouldn't be able to make them happen organically, because it was too late, it didn't fit anywhere else in the story, and there were too many things in the way as well. So he did what he could to side step them into a believable conclusion, but in doing so, he sacrificed his story's flavor and complexity for something that fell flat and became unpopular among true fans of the series.

"I think that my interpretation of purity was naive... Purity didn't have anything to do with flavor or smell or texture. Purity is its own thing, and if you want to achieve true purity, you must sacrifice everything. Everything that makes it worth it."

(fantastic quote from the NileRed NileBlue video)

Anon, you've really charmed me with this metaphor, and I think it works. The details get a little fuzzy once you know that the "pure" ingredients he got are actually made so you know exactly what's in them, not necessarily so that they are impurity-free. But he still applied an extreme level of hubris in using chemistry lab materials to make a "perfect" or "better" cookie, without understanding anything about the very different science that is baking. Like, he didn't know what baker's chocolate even is. Besides, what he sought was impossible, because chocolate practically cannot be made 100% without "bug parts" etc. And in the end, he made a really fucking terrible cookie anyway. I'm fascinated by the fact that it didn't even have a smell...

I'm definitely not one to judge ships against each other to say that one is inherently better, but when the other side keeps pushing this idea of purity, it does make me pause. Do they like it because it's bland? Because it ticks off all their morality requirements? Because it affirms their idea of normal? Honestly I'd have a lot more respect for them if they openly rejected what the source material has given them in favor of what their own imaginations can come up with. Some do, to be sure, but most still try to defend canon. Come on. Give them something to struggle with each other over and grow from. Anything but this constant unspoken blushing awkwardness.

I do want to put a small wrinkle in what you've said, though. I don't want to assume Horikoshi was doing what he thought was best with 431. Think about it this way. If he, much like many shonen mangaka like Oda for example, set out to write a story where romance is not the focus because he wasn't interested in writing those kinds of plots, but instead more interested in developing plots that are based in politics, friendship, family, sacrifice, and examining the dichotomy of "good" and "evil," why not maintain that priority through the end? Why would he spend dozens of pages systematically dismantling everything he cared about in the first place for the sake of something he clearly viewed as secondary? Like yeah, maybe he did think they were cute and was still attached to the idea of them ending up together, but I can't believe he thought they were worth this much compared to everything else he actually put effort into.

However, this "pure cookie" metaphor you've made fits quite well with how publishing can operate, where the rules of marketing are often erroneously applied to art of storytelling, like lab chemistry to baking. The things that give the story its uniqueness and flavor are refined and boiled down for the sake of making it predictable, benign, safe, easy to digest. So it can sell. So it can avoid controversy with conservative society. I'm honestly really sick of debating all the points of this ending as if they are definitely 100% only Horikoshi's vision or personal mistakes. We really don't know that and maybe we never will. I for one at least hope that we keep in mind that censorship is still a very real and current issue, and I'm not going to speak ill of the dead, as it were.

btw, I was largely inspired by this thread about Steven Universe on twitter, and tbh I include this reasoning not just for 431, but other things along the way, especially the last 10-15 chapters or so.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

How did you make the curry it looks SO delicious!! 🤤

AWWW THANK YOU ANON!!! 🥺 it’s super simple to make hehe, i used golden curry blocks for mine:

^ this kind ….

the first step is to cook up lots of rice!!!! you can do this first or last, if you have a rice cooker it’s a simple process :3 then you peel, chop and pour all veggies you want in your curry (potatoes, carrots, onions, etc) into a pan and let them simmer in the oil until they’re nice and soft!!! after that you just pour water into the pan, let it boil up + simmer for a bit — and finally pour in the curry blocks !!!!!! stir and add blocks until it has a stew-like consistency.

and you’re done !!!!!!!! 🍛 super easy

[ruvviks]

coming up with zombie apocalypse stories is always fun because you can just say whatever and people will just have to take your word for it

[cicadabooks]

2024 Olympic Muffins: Gluten-free and dairy-free option version (with gram and ml conversions)

(Recipe transcript originally from this post above by @norabee)

(Edits: I baked the muffins and I have been rewriting this post with recipe changes!)

Muffins I baked (Gluten/Dairy free version)

Notes:

Makes about 12 standard muffins. Maybe 6 jumbo muffins?

I added gram and ml equivalents based on some websites for converting US measurements. I think 1 teaspoon is same-ish everywhere, it's about 5ml.

The muffins taste VERY chocolatey to me! A friend thinks they have a nice balance of not too much sugar and good chocolate flavor. Either way, it may be nice to pair the muffins with coconut ice cream or coconut whipped cream. Especially if (like me) you baked the muffins with soy milk instead of cow milk - adding back in some cream may complement the chocolate flavors.

FYI, I used decaf instant coffee.

Muffin ingredients:

¾ cup milk (175 ml) (sub in: soymilk or non-dairy milk of choice.)

¼ cup water (60 ml)

2 tsp instant coffee (10 ml)

½ cup cocoa powder (about 40 grams) (Dutch cocoa recommended*)

½ cup chocolate chunks to melt (about 70 grams) (sub in: non-dairy chocolate chunks)

8 TBSP butter (1 stick, or ½ cup, or 113 grams) (sub in: non-dairy butter)

2 cups flour (between 240 grams - 280 grams?) (sub in: gluten-free 1-to-1 mix flour)

1 TBSP baking powder (15 ml)

¼ tsp salt (sea salt or kosher salt) (1 ml?)

½ cup dark brown sugar, packed (about 110 grams)

½ cup granulated sugar (about 100 grams)

¼ cup vegetable oil (about 60 ml)

2 eggs, room temperature

1 tsp vanilla extract (5 ml)

Additional ⅓ cup of chocolate chunks (about 47 grams)

Filling ingredients:

½ cup heavy cream (125 ml) (sub in: coconut cream - scoop out the top cream from a can of full-fat coconut milk.**)

¼ cup chocolate chunks (about 35 grams)

pinch of salt (use sea salt or kosher salt)

Cooking instructions:

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 C).

Add milk, water, and instant coffee to a saucepan, bring to a simmer. (I turned off the heat once it simmered.) Add cocoa powder, mix well, then add chocolate chunks and butter. Stir until melted, transfer to a bowl, and allow to cool.

In a separate bowl, combine flour, baking powder, and salt.

Once the chocolate mixture is cooled - add brown sugar, granulated sugar, oil, eggs, and vanilla. Mix thoroughly.

Add a third of the flour mixture to chocolate mixture and combine. Then add remaining flour mixture, folding in gently. Take care to not over-mix. Then add chocolate chunks (video says to fold in these choco chunks, but it also looks like choco chunks were added on top before baking).

Spoon batter into muffin tins. (Spoon about 1/2 cup or 120ml of batter, or just know that the muffin will poof up.) This might be when to add some chocolate chunks on top of the batter.

Bake for 24 minutes. (Baking time may differ with GF and DF substitutes, often takes longer.)

While waiting - For the filling: add heavy cream, chocolate chunks, and salt to a saucepan, heat until melted, taking care not to come to a boil.

After baking, fill muffins with filling (spoon filling into a ziploc bag, cut corner of bag, cut out a bit of the muffin center with a knife, squeeze filling into muffins)***

Serve.

More Notes:

* Dutch Cocoa suggestion is based on a tumblr tag I saw and also this article. “[....] Dutch-process cocoa powder is usually used for batters containing baking powder.”

** Coconut cream substitution as suggested on this recipe page. (One can had a little more than 1/2 cup cream, when I opened it.)

*** Muffin filling tips from @picturesque-about-it from this post:

"[....] But you could definitely just use a knife to cut out the middle and use a ziploc bag with the corner cut off to fill it." And more ideas -

#honestly…….. it would turn out a bit different but i feel like you could put the filling in before you bake it

#that’s how we made chocolate chip muffins at my old job

#scoop of ganache that would sink as it baked and chocolate chips on top

#they were soooooooo good

if you’re craving chocolate muffins after the olympic muffin man videos, jordan the stallion on tiktok has the recipe for you

[onrainynights]

JOB ACHIEVED. FINALLY

[nexus-nebulae]

i used to like. Never drink milk i think it was my most hated beverage for a while there. and then recently i found out im lactose intolerant and at the same time was noticing i have a tendency to "not like" foods that i didn't realise were making me sick (hating tomatoes or Specifically american soda or most american breakfast foods or specific artificial sweeteners = fructose intolerance! who woulda thought) like i guess i just subconsciously avoided all the stuff my body couldn't digest well (which was great i barely had to change my diet to avoid all my allergens and intolerances) but like. recently i decided to try lactose free milk like just regular milk with the lactose Deleted and. now suddenly i keep craving milk. im actively choosing to drink milk. i think i like milk now. what the hell

[marmorenshud]

in better news, I made rolls without a recipe yesterday and they turned out good

[rabbitrah]

A continuation on my post about unloved foods, specifically this is my in-depth defense of root beer.

Root Beer isn't inherently gross, it's just one of those weird local flavors that's off-putting to people who didn't grow up with it. We all like different things and also we all tend to like flavors that are similar to what we grew up with. That's okay! But honestly root beer is pretty unique and, in my opinion, delicious.

One of the main complaints against root beer is that it tastes like medicine. Funnily enough, it was originally marketed as medicinal! This is true for most OG sodas actually. Pretty much as soon as carbonated water was invented, people were drinking it to soothe various ailments. A lot of the original soft drinks were actually invented by pharmacists. I just think that root beer is especially cool because the main flavor came from the root bark of sassafras, a common North American shrub. Because it's so widespread and aromatic, all parts of the sassafras plant have been used in food and medicine by many different Native American tribes throughout history and was subsequently picked up and used by European colonists. In the 1960s, some studies indicated that that safrole oil, which is produced by the plant, can cause liver damage. Whether or not this would actually remain true after it had been boiled and added to root beer is unclear, but it was really easy to replicate the flavor, so the sassafras in commercial root beer these days is artificial. Another fun fact about safrole is that it's a precursor in the synthesis of MDMA. None of this information has stopped my childhood habit of eating sassfras leaves right off the shrub whenever I walk past it on a hike. I'm like 85% sure it's safe and also mmmm yummy leafs go crunch.

Another root beer complaint is that it tastes like toothpaste. I think this is probably because another key flavor in most root beer recipes is wintergreen. I'm assuming that the people who think this are the same people who think mint chocolate chip ice cream tastes like toothpaste. I can understand and even respect that some people don't like mint and associate it only with brushing their teeth, but like. Mint is a pretty common flavor. I mean I think it's safe to say that humans have been eating mint flavored stuff for longer than toothpaste has existed... anyway!

Other common flavors in root beer (real or artificial) are caramel, vanilla, black cherry bark, sarsaparilla root, ginger, and many more! There's not one official recipe, and root beer enthusiasts often have strong opinions about different brands. Some root beer is sharper, with more strong aromatic flavors, and others are mild and creamier.

Another thing I think is cool about root beer is that it's foamier than most sodas. This was originally because sassafras is a natural surfactant (and why sassafras is also a common thickening agent in Louisiana Creole cooking.) These days, other plant starches or similar ingredients are added to keep the distinctive foam. Root beer foam > all other soft drink foams. That's why root beer floats kick more ass than like, coke floats.

If you've never had root beer before, imagine if a sweetened herbal tea was turned into a soda, because that's basically what it is. If your first response to that is a cringe, fair enough. That's why lots of people don't like it. If your first response to that is "interesting... I might actually like it, though" then I encourage you to track down a can of root beer today, hard as that might be outside the US and Canada. Next time you see an "ew, root beer tastes like medicine/tooth paste" take, know that there's a reason for that, but also the same could be said for literally any herbal or minty food/drink.

My final take on root beer is that it would be the soda of choice for gnomes. Thank you and good night.

[theemporium]

james eating you out under your hogwarts skirt in the corner of a corridor 🤭

this could literally have been a whole fic tbh bedjwwbkbf anyways thank you for requesting!🫶🏽

.

This wasn’t the first time one of the marauders’ shenanigans had gone wrong, and you doubted it would be the last. 

But it was very, very different to their usual fuck ups. 

A lot of the time when something went wrong, it was for one of two reasons: either they got caught long before they could even hatch a plan, or something didn’t work out in their favour. You had seen it time and time again in the years you had been friends with the boys, and it never failed to amuse you.

This had been no different. One of them had a stupid idea, the rest of them encouraged it and the planning began. Despite the close friendship you shared with the boys, they never disclosed any details with you, so you were left sitting with the others as they huddled in the corner of the common room discussing their next prank. And ten minutes later, they were out the door to play out the prank, or so you assumed.

Instead, the boys had returned with sheepish looks on their face and a very fidgety James standing behind them, and it was all because the boys had tried to fuck with amortentia.

They fucked up the ingredients or the process—you still weren’t sure of the details—and it seemed James had taken the brunt of it all when he pushed the others away from the bubbling cauldron. 

However, none of you would realise just what side effects the dodgy potion would have on your boyfriend.

“Oh fuck,” your head hit the wall with a thump as you fought to keep your eyes open. “James, baby, please—”

“My pretty girl,” he groaned as his palms massaged the fat of your thighs, squeezing and pulling as he tugged one of your legs over his shoulder. “Taste so fucking good.”

“James,” you breathed out, your gaze shifting down but your skirt intruded the sight of your boyfriend lapping shamelessly at your cunt. “Someone can see us—”

“Don’t care,” he grumbled, his nose nudging against your sensitive clit until you were almost keeling over him. “Wanna taste my girl, princess. Can’t keep me away from her.”

Your heart was pounding in your chest, your body was humming with white, hot pleasure and the mere fact that anybody—whether it be a student or a professor or even a fucking ghost—could turn the corner as see your boyfriend pressing you against the wall, kneeling between your legs as he ducked under your skirt to eat you out. 

As it would turn out, the side effect of the dodgy potion made your boyfriend fucking insatiable. You had come more times in the last twenty-four hours than you probably had in the last few weeks, and it was all to do with the fact that James couldn’t get enough of you. 

He had you sprawled across the bed until you whined about other people hearing during the night. He had you bent over the common room couch when the rest of the castle was asleep. He had you pressed against the edge of the tub in the prefect bathrooms in the morning. He had his cock down your throat in the quidditch broom closet. He had you up against one of the windows on the staircase up to the divination tower between classes.

James Potter hadn’t let you have a single break to catch your breath since he was hit with the potion, and it was honestly a shock you were still standing at this point. 

“James, baby, please,” you whined, the noise was pathetic and needy, and something about the fact you could hear him slurping against your wet pussy between your pleas just made the coil in your stomach tighten. “We can’t—”

“Shhh, you can take it,” he murmured as his hands tightened around your thighs, pulling you closer to him until you were slumped against the wall with his face pressed against your cunt. “You’re still dripping, princess, can taste myself inside you.”

“Shit,” you hissed, your eyes clenching shut as your thighs squeezed around his head. “James—”

“Fuck, honey, need to fill you up again,” his voice was needy and whiny as he pulled his head out from under your skirt, his nose and chin and lips glistening with your arousal. Your eyes shifted down to see the way his cock strained in his trousers, how hard he was from simply making you come twice on his tongue. “You gonna help me out, princess? Gonna take my cock again?”

You were exhausted and you didn’t even know if you could stand up any longer, but the sight of your boyfriend pleading on his knees as he palmed his cock had your resolve shattering in seconds. 

“Please, Jamie, fill me up again.”

.