#and lost it am losing it have lost it will continue to lose it TONY S TARK | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hollandsfavbabe · 11 months ago

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Where Do We Go Now

pairing: peter parker x stark!reader

synopsis: in which the death of y/n's father leaves her determined to bring him back and her boyfriend peter determined to save her

warnings: endgame aftermath, death, parental loss, isolation, suicide attempt (but magical?), it gets better - I promise

word count: 7.1k

masterlist

a/n: Hey guys. This is going to be a bit longer than my usual notes, but I feel like I should explain why I've been gone for so long and why this story is a lot sadder than my usual ones. My community has been riddled with tragedy recently as we've lost a lot of people to suicide this past year, some of which have been as young as middle school age. One of my friends died by suicide a couple months ago. I can't express to you guys how hard it's been trying to deal with the pain and the guilt his death has caused me and my loved ones. So many days have passed where I wish I could've been a better friend for him while he was here. It hurts more knowing that other people are hurting too. Writing this was the best way for me to cope for many reasons. I wanted to write about how I'm feeling and honor my friend in some way even if it's through a silly little fanfiction. I know I'm late, but I also wanted to honor one of my favorite characters, Tony Stark as he canonically died this past October. That being said, if you are struggling please, I implore you, talk to someone. There are so many people on this planet who would be so torn without you. My dms are always a safe space if you need anything at all <3

Also I'd like to thank Gracie Abrams for her music that I had on repeat the entire time I was writing this. I hope you like it!

“I am Iron Man.”

The words replayed in your head, over and over like a broken record with no one to turn it to a new tune. That’s exactly how you felt. So alone in your grief that even if miraculously every wish you'd ever made in the whole of your existence had been granted, it still wouldn’t be enough to make you happy again. To make you feel anything besides the constant regret and incessant grief that anchored you down as you wasted away in your bed.

It had been exactly a week since the passing of the great Tony Stark. Everyone else in the compound had mourned their coworker, riddled by a somewhat lesser version of your sadness for only a few days after his death. It’s not as if their grief had been washed away as if it never stained their cheeks with tears or weighed down their hearts with sorrow, but it eased much quicker than yours and before long they could continue their duties. Everything was so much harder for you because Tony hadn’t just been a coworker. He was your father.

You relieved every memory you had of him like bittersweet torture. You remembered when he held you as a little girl, wiping up a bloodied knee. When he discovered you had powers and helped you control them. Later on when he banned you from joining in on the Avenger’s Civil War and afterwards when he thanked you for sneaking in to help anyway. You could almost feel his comforting embrace as if it was only yesterday that he was assuring you before a failed battle against the mad Titan Thanos, the same one that left you dusted and missing your father’s last five years on Earth. And finally, of course, you remember his last moments all too well. It played out before you like the tragic ending of a stage play.

“Let me do it,” you shouted over the sound of war cries and carnage that surrounded you on the packed battlefield. “I can take it!”

You were almost certain that your power, your immeasurable magic, could handle the debilitating strength of the Infinity Stones making you the most reasonable choice for snapping Thanos and his army out of existence, but your father refused to risk losing his eldest.

“No,” he breathed, the metal plate shielding his chest rising and falling from the heat of the action. There was only one way to succeed, only one way to put a stop to the destruction of the universe. It had to be him. “I won’t risk losing you, not while you’re still so young. You have so much life ahead of you.”

“Not without you!” you cried, a tear streaming from your eye.

There wasn’t much time for your conversation as the world was moments away from being wiped of its human history, but despite the odds your father pulled you into a tight hug, as if he knew it would be the last. You both did.

“You are the strongest person I’ve ever known and I’m so proud of what you’ve become already.” he smiled when you finally pulled apart.

“I need you dad,” you sobbed, still reluctant to let him leave you. With the threat of his death, suddenly Thanos’ defeat didn’t matter anymore. Not nearly as much as having your father by your side. “I’m not ready.”

Your dad looked down on you with the saddest of smiles, but if any part of him was upset about his decision, he made no other hint toward it. He just held you close for as long as possible and comforted you in the way that you could always count on him for. In the way, it hit you, that you could never count on him for again. But yet, in the face of death, he cradled you close and spoke in his signature fatherly tone: assertive yet on the edge of softness.

“No one’s ever ready -,” he answered truthfully. “- but I know you can handle it. You always do.”

You looked up at him as he finally pulled away and headed towards the purple giant, but not before turning to you for one final declaration.

“I love you, junior, to the edge and back again.”

And then he was gone. You never got the chance to say it back.

Yours was the last name he uttered before his heart stopped beating and the light on his suit went out. By then Pepper had already said her goodbyes and you both were huddled close to his body, weeping as the other Avengers knelt around you in honor of your father. Peter was hunched behind you, one hand on your shoulder while the other worked to wipe away his own tears. Oh Peter, you had your father to thank for him.

It was Tony who was credited with setting you up with your long term boyfriend, Peter Parker, even if it was a complete accident. You two had gotten acquainted on a fateful plane ride to Germany and eventually ended up together after many failed attempts at confessing your feelings. There was something about him that had you smitten with him from your first encounter, your liking only strengthened when you learned that your father approved. He’d been with you through thick and thin and even now, Peter was the only person who could even remotely share your pain besides Pepper. Tony was like his father too.

He’d taken care of you ever since the incident. Brought you food and water, helped you dress in your black attire for the funeral, laid with you in your bed each night to calm you whenever you awoke in a nightmarish terror. He showed his love for you prevailing over his grief in the most selfless of ways and yet all you had managed to do since you father’s funeral was stand to use the restroom every once in a while. It piled on more weight that your poor soul could already take. You were nothing, but a miserable burden now.

The door to your room opened with squealing hinges as Peter stepped in, returning from school where he had spent the morning reuniting with your shared friends and finding out when the official return date was. You were supposed to join him, but instead you hadn’t moved an inch since he left. It wasn’t as if you wanted to waste the entire day in your lonely sheets again. You yearned for everything to go back to how it was; when Peter was happy and you could share it with him. When your father used to smile upon the two teens he didn’t mean to bring together. When your father was alive.

“Hey,” he said, softly as if not to startle you from your endless torturous pondering. He set something down on your dresser, a small stack of papers he must have gathered from the school, and removed his fall coat before sauntering over to you. The bed creaked and shifted under his weight as he took a seat next to you. “Good news, we don’t have to go back until the next semester so we get a break until January. Ned was asking about you. He wants to know how you’re doing.”

You turned your head to look at him, your eyes red-rimmed from all of your crying and your lips cracked and dry.

“What did you tell him?” you croaked, your voice hoarse from under use. There was little to talk about and no one else to talk to whenever Peter wasn’t around. Pepper had visited you once, but with Morgan to look after, she couldn’t spare much time for her late husband’s grieving daughter. You’d seen Happy a couple times as well, but he needed his own time to recover and reflect on his past time with his best friend.

Peter was gentle as he tucked some of the hair strands snot cemented to your jaw behind your ear and cupped your cheek in his palm. He was cold from the autumn chill outside, but his hand ignited the same soothing heat that his touch always brought forth.

“I said you were recovering,” he answered truthfully. “And that it’s different for everyone. And no matter how long it takes, I’m here for you every step of the way.”

The ghost of a smile graced your lips and had it not felt like it stopped beating after losing your father, your heart may have fluttered in its cavity in your chest.

“Thanks Peter,” you curled closer to him in the most sincere of ways. “But I’m afraid it’s going to be a while before I can get up to see Ned again. Give him my best.”

“Take your time. I’m sure he understands.” Peter assured before pulling off his flannel and laying down beside you to wrap you in his arms, allowing you to tuck your face in his chest. As unhappy as you were, all the swirling emotions of suffering were always suppressed by the sound of Peter’s heart and the feel of his body around yours. You stayed like that for a while, holding each other before Peter broke the silence as it neared time for your midday meal.

“I think you should come with me today,” Peter suggested, rising to run his daily lunch retrieval before running a loving hand through your hair. You couldn’t understand how he hadn’t gotten sick of you yet. You hadn’t been able to wash in over a week. “It’s not good for you to stay here all day long. You need to start moving.”

His voice was full of worry, though he wasn’t overbearing. He wanted the best for you, it’s all he ever wanted really.

“I don’t know Peter, I don’t think I can.” you sighed as tears started to fill your eyes again. How could anyone stand to be around you when you were being so pathetic. You wished there was a way to erase your pain, anything to bring you to your normal self again.

“It's okay baby,” Peter hugged you into a tight embrace, kissing your tears as they fell in slow salty streams. “I know it hurts, I feel it too. But I read somewhere that the best thing to do is keep a consistent routine. Maybe you should start today. Come get lunch with me.”

You wanted to agree, but there was no part of you that could move from the weight of your grief. It pressed you down, gravity multiplied by the mass of your sadness as it consumed you. It felt as if only a miracle could save you now.

“I’m so sorry.” you stated with remorse, but Peter made no move to share his disappointment if he had any at all. Instead he leaned down from his seated position and placed his lips on your forehead, a gesture as if to say that all was alright.

“Please don’t cry, y/n. It’s okay.” he assured you before standing to leave and get you something that you figured you probably wouldn’t even eat very much of.

“I’ll be right back,” he promised, turning the handle of your door to leave before looking back at you sprawled on your bed. Suddenly, as if he had recalled the cure to the rainiest of days, he expression shifted to one of great excitement as he stopped back into your room.

“I almost forgot,” he began. “Doctor Strange was here earlier. He wanted me to tell you he’s offering some meditation sessions for you if you’re interested. He said they’d be good for your powers and that they might help you feel better if you want to think about it. He’s free at 8 tomorrow.”

You nearly perked up at the sound of the man’s name, picking up your head to cast a last longing glance at Peter as he waited for a parting word.

“Thanks,” you managed. “I’ll let you know.”

And off Peter went to get you both something to eat.

You weren’t sure if he knew how dangerous it was for you to be left with your thoughts, how the mention of the magic doctor sprouted a myriad of mystical ideas all aimed at the same goal that would erase your eternal lonesome aching. How to bring your father back. By the time Peter returned with his hands full of two homemade sandwiches and more sweets than the two of you could ever finish in one sitting, your mind had been made up and you were ready to set the plan in motion.

The following evening was your first time out of the confines of your rooms for days. Peter had helped you greatly with all the tasks you did not have the mental power to do all on your own. He had brushed your hair and made your bed and before you left in one of the less expensive cars held on Avenger’s campus, he sent you off adorned with one of his favorite sweatshirts, a peck on the forehead and enough I love you’s to last more than a lifetime.

You pulled the sleeve of Peter’s sweatshirt over your palm as you drove off, using the cloth to wipe away fresh tears that had fallen after you left your boyfriend’s loving gaze. You’d always been an overthinker, but your bad habits crept up on you worse in your unbreakable stage of sadness. Especially in your father’s favorite car.

You didn’t understand why he hadn’t left you already. Maybe he would. Peter had offered to join you at Strange’s, but after you insisted you had to go alone, he made plans to go help his Aunt May figure out their apartment situation as the pair had been inadvertently kicked out after being gone for so many years. You’d almost forgotten he used to split his nights between the compound and his own bedroom. Recently he’d only stay with you.

He promised to be back before dinner so that the two of you could keep up your progress, but an unsolicited voice within you convinced you that he wouldn’t want to return. You weren’t good enough for him anymore, not like you used to be. Your plan was better for the both of you and as you pulled up to the familiar building on Bleecker Street, all the pieces started to fall into place.

You stepped up to the door, raising your fist to knock only for the door to crack open by itself as if to invite you in. You waited for the familiar sternness of Doctor Strange’s voice to greet you once you were past the stone floored foyer, but only wisps of the autumn breeze caught your ear.

“Strange?” you called, your voice still not stable enough to be louder than a whispery dialogue. You were met with no response. It was just like you had planned. The wizard wasn’t home.

You felt a strong tug towards the room of your desires, the forbidden library. It was as if fate was leading you or some other force from above, another sign that you were meant to do it.

Your steps were more sure than they had been in days as you made your way to the self, passing any magical fire walls with the sheer unfiltered strength of your powers. Strange once told you that they were guided by your emotion, the quintessential essence of every magic holder even to people like you and Wanda Maximoff who were outside of his world protecting wizard cult. It was easier than it should have been, like slicing paper with a katana, you broke each enchantment until all that was left was the cool leather cover of the book you were looking for. The book with every answer you needed inside its ancient yellowing pages, but you only needed the spell that would revive your father. Locating it near the middle of the book, your tore out the page and turned back to your car, leaving the Sanctum with the same unhurried pace you had entered it with. There was no stopping you now.

Peter was only an half an hour late for your agreed meet up time when he arrived at the campus. He expected you’d be in your room as per usual and as he made his way to your door, the excitement of getting to hold you and talk about your first day out of the campus since the funeral built up in his chest. He wasn’t sure if any accomplishment in the world could make him as proud as he was of you. With two brown paper bags of groceries in his hand, he couldn’t wait to shower you in the affection that you deserved with all of your favorite snacks, enough to share of course.

“Y/n,” he smiled, using his webbing to open your door handle only to find, much to his disappointment, that you were nowhere to be found.

He checked all over campus, leaving the bags by your bed. No one had seen you since you’d left and the spot where the car you’d taken was still empty, the normally pristine concrete covered in fallen crisp maroon leaves. It didn’t make any sense. Where could you possibly have gone?

“Y/n!” he called, circling the perimeter of the campus looking for you. There was still no sign of your reappearance. “Y/n- oh. Hi Ms. Maximoff.” Peter forced a strained smile as he nearly bumped into the woman.

“Peter, we’ve been over this,” Wanda answered, her voice calm. “You can call me Wanda.”

Like you, the witch hadn’t been doing the best in recent days as she had lost something just as valuable as a father: her partner. While she occasionally had days where the ground would’ve been lucky to feel the grace of her step, her superhero duties had kept her from spending each day hidden from society. She had a different way of coping, but like others, she seemed to start getting back into routine again.

“Right, sorry Wanda.” Peter apologized.

“What are you doing out here?” inquired the witch in her native Sokovian accent, always intuitive. “Is something wrong?”

“It’s y/n. I can’t find her anywhere and we agreed to meet back here nearly - an hour ago!” Peter pulled up his coat sleeve to check the time on his watch, the face of which bore a picture of him and your father from only a few months before the snap. It had been a birthday gift, one of his favorites in fact, though it couldn't top what you had given him the same year: a lego set and your first kiss.

“I didn’t know that she got out of bed. That’s a big step!”

“Yes it is and we were going to celebrate tonight, but she hasn’t come back yet which is really not like her.” worried Peter.

“Where did she go?”

“Strange’s. He was going to give her a meditation lesson for her powers.”

Confused, Wanda's eyebrow furrowed and she crossed her arms over her chest. “Doesn’t she know how to use them already?”

“Yes, but he thought it would help her manage her grief. Working out is a pretty common method, but she hates going to the gym so he figured some meditation would be better for her and -“

“Wait, hold on. Did she go to him this morning?”

“Yes and she was supposed to be back around noon, but it’s nearly six and she’s still gone.” Peter explained.

“Peter!” Wanda chided. She couldn't believe he could make such a grave mistake.

“What?”

“Strange hasn’t been at the Sanctum all day!”

“What?! Where is he?”

“Do I look like a wizard to you?" the witch gestured to her casual leggings and cardigan pairing that drastically differed from Strange's usual eccentric costumes. "How should I know?”

As if summoned by the topic of conversation, a figure appeared in the distant grass, hovering over the blades until he was close enough to be able to walk. His cape that flowed in the breeze like a blood red stream with a mind of its own was a dead give away. Doctor Strange had indeed arrived in the flesh.

“Parker,” he greeted, though he did not smile. “Is Ms. Stark ready for our lesson?”

Peter’s eyes went wide as he realized his mistake.

“Oh no.” he muttered, shaking his head in defeat. He was met with confusion from the wizard.

“No?” Strange repeated. “We agreed upon 8 didn't we? I know I'm a little early, but I assumed she wouldn't be busy. Didn’t you let her know I was coming?”

“Yes,” Peter confirmed. “I told her to be ready and then I sent her off to your place at 8… am.”

“What?!” Strange exclaimed as he summoned a portal to appear leading directly to his found home on Bleecker Street. He stepped through the fiery ring, a silent invitation for the others to follow as he hurried passed your car, up the steps, and into the door which did not part of him the same way it had earlier. Inside he was met with the most frightful of discovers accompanied by the looming feeling of doom as the situation became clear.

The Sanctum, unguarded with his absence, lay littered with books that had fallen from their homes on his shelf’s yet one stood out from all the others. It laid on the floor open with its pages to the ground while every other book was shut. Levitating it with the simple flick of his wrist, a horrifying sight awaited Strange as he turned it over. One of the pages in the sacred book was missing.

“Do you know how serious this is?!” Strange exclaimed and although Peter at first took it as a barbed criticism aimed directly at him, he was able to distinguish Strange’s tone from when he was reprimanding. This was a separate kind of worry, the sort of tone that he had used heavily on the fated spaceship you three had been stuck in until you landed on Titan, Thanos’ home world, nearly five years ago. Treachery was afoot and if your powers were involved, the whole fabric of your current reality could change.

“Which one did she take?” Wanda pointed to the book, clearly noticing the giant tear in its center.

Strange’s voice answered, heavy with concern. “The revival spell.”

“You don’t think she knows, do you? She can’t possibly know how to conjure it.” asked Wanda, the same concern for their future written all over her face.

“That’s exactly what I think.” Strange confirmed.

“What?” Peter asked. “What are you guys talking about?”

“There are many types of magic, Parker, and the Sanctum, the building where you sent your girlfriend, is full of all of them, good and bad alike. Every spell comes with a price, the bigger the spell, the bigger the price and the spell she took comes with one of the biggest prices there is to pay.”

“Think about it, Peter,” Wanda paled. “What does y/n want most in the world right now?”

It hit Peter harder than fresh fallen hail. You were going to try to bring your father back.

“We have to find her. Now.”

Strange tried to use his sling ring to appear wherever you were, but in your grief, the extent of your powers had grown massively. Intentionally or not, you managed to prevent even the most powerful of wizards from using his Sling Ring to access your location.

“She's blocked me out.” Strange frowned. “We’re going to have to track her on foot.”

“She can’t be far,” Peter agreed. “She always takes the shortest path whenever she wants something.” It was one of the many things he loved about you: your ability to turn any taxing task into something much simpler. You were one of the cleverest people he knew. He just hoped it didn’t work in your favor this time.

It was Wanda who had the idea of tracking your magic. She led them to the nearest withering woodland area, where trees with bare branches and dying leaves sprawled endlessly. It was the perfect place to perform dark magic, away from the unyielding eyes of society. The trio didn’t hesitate to run in.

The further they got, the closer you felt especially to Peter despite the fact that he was the only one without his own source of magic. If he lost you tonight, he feared he’d never feel any sort of magic ever again.

They were only half an acre in when Wanda and Strange called out in anguish, the witch falling to her knees while Strange stayed standing, pounding the air with his fist as his trying to break through an invisible barrier though it was to no avail. Whatever was holding him back, it wasn’t fading anytime soon.

“Keep going, Parker!” he shouted, urging Peter forward. “You’re the only one who can stop her. The spell will only allow that which she loves.”

“How do I do it?” Peter shouted. “How do I stop the spell?”

“The page,” Wanda replied, quicker than Strange could as his reply was easy for her to access. “You have to tear it apart.”

Without wasting a second more, Peter sprung back towards where he could feel you, running without fatigue as his superhuman endurance supplied him with plenty of energy.

It was only a minute later that he caught his first sign of you. There was a break in the tree line out of which a bright amber glow poured like an incandescent warning. It was a dramatic contrast from the normal comforting emerald greens of your magic, but it was you nonetheless and Peter didn’t stop until he was so close he had to shade his eyes from the light.

If it weren’t for the dark nature of what you were doing, Peter would’ve considered it one of the most beautiful events he’d ever seen take place. He wasn’t sure if the circle of trees that surrounded you had been a natural formation or one you made for the sake of the spell, but he was sure the way they seemed to bend to your will, despite the hard wood of their birch trunks, had to be because of your power. In the center of it all was you and the page you had stolen atop a pile of purple and golden leaves. You stood before it, eyes closed as you whispered some sort of incantation. Your powers spread above you in orange flickering flames as you outstretched your arms and summoned what looked like the beginnings of a portal, though it was hard to peer through like a bride covered in a veil of night black.

Peter shouted your name, screaming for you to stop, but you didn’t so much as flinch as the portal grew. You couldn’t hear him over the force of your will. He could start to feel what Wanda and Strange were trapped behind. There was some sort of invisible wall that threatened to push him back from you, but he couldn’t be defeated. He had to stop you. Step by step, he got closer and closer to you, watching in horror as your body was lifted from the ground and floated in midair. A new energy started weeping through the fabric that covered your chest, soft and white like a sheer glittering fabric. It drifted towards the portal and as Peter neared you he could make out the outline of a face forming from it in the black center of it. It started to take shape, growing a neck and a body and becoming more concrete than a fragmented part of your energy. He became more unmistakable as the color grew back into his face. Tony Stark, in the flesh. Peter hurried towards the page.

You opened your eyes to gaze into the face of your father, tears flowing down your face partially from the exhaustion of bringing him back and from being able to see him again.

You tried to say something, tell him how much you had missed him, but you were left rendered without a voice. Your words came out as mouthed nonsense, though it seemed he had regained his voice.

“Y/n,” he uttered, though it seemed more like a warning than a greeting after being torn from you for so long.

You mouthed something you knew he’d understand. I love you too, dad.

Some other force called your name, but you ignored it. You couldn’t focus on anything else, but the father you had lost regaining life right in front of you. With every part that he gained, you felt a part of your fade. It wasn’t painful, more numbing than anything like the final dose to end all your sadness. You couldn’t help but relish in it. You were bringing back one of the greatest men to ever live.

You were so distracted, you missed the web that landed on the page below you and pulled it away.

“Y/n,” your dad said again, nearly having enough of one of his legs to step out of the portal when suddenly, the inky blackness swallowed him whole again and dissolved in the forest light, taking back the only thing you ever wanted.

“NO!” you cried as your voice returned to you and you fell back down to the dry grass and dead leaves, crumpled on the forest floor as all of the magic you had summoned faded away save for the glittering cloud that returned to your chest with such force it made you cough. You had failed.

“Y/n!” someone called and you shuddered away from their hand on your shoulder as loud sobs erupted from you.

“Leave me!” you begged. “Just leave!” Peter refused to leave your side, tossing behind him the page he had shredded into tiny scraps of paper as he knelt beside you, careful not to touch you again. “Why did you have to do that? Why did you take him from me?”

“You were going to die! I couldn’t let you di-“

“I WANTED TO DIE!”

Peter froze as you whimpered, the truth spreading above the both of you in the cold air like storm clouds as you cried to him.

“I want him back. Everyone wants him back. No one cares about his depressed daughter and I don’t want to hurt anymore, Peter.” you paused to take a deep breath. “It- it hurts so much.” you could barely get the words out as you were choked by your sobs. “It hurts knowing I could’ve saved him. It hurts knowing it should’ve been me that snapped those stupid stones. And I don’t want to live with that anymore. I had to try to bring him back for the world. It needs him more than it needs me.”

You brought a hand to your face, wiping away some of your tears, though it was no use as more came pouring out.

“I need you.” uttered Peter, looking into your glossy eyes. The sight of your tears and the echo of your screams couldn’t deter him from you. You can’t be repelled from the ones that you love.

“But you miss him, don’t you,” you argued as hot tears coated your face. “You want him back too.”

Peter nodded in agreement.

“I think about him everyday. Our moments together. Like this one time he saved me from drowning in a lake. Or-“ Peter grinned. “- remember when he caught us making out that one time before we told him we were together. He was so mad.” Peter smiled to himself, looking fondly on the memory until he began again.

“I miss him so much and it makes me so sad that I'll never see him again. But I wouldn’t trade you for him. I wouldn't trade you for anyone. You’re worth more to me than anyone else in the universe.”

Your sobs slowed yet the tears did not cease as they still cascaded down your face.

“It hurts me so much.” you restated.

Peter opened his arms. “May I?” he asked. You nodded and before you knew it, you were engulfed by a warmth unlike any other as Peter hugged you tight enough to make sure you wouldn’t try to leave him again.

“I know you do,” he related. "And I wish I could take it away. I wish I could just bag all your pain and throw it all away. But it doesn't work like that. It's going to hurt. It's going to be painful, so much so that you won't move from bed for days and days. You haven't."

"But I feel like everyone else has already moved on. Why can't I?" you shivered.

"No one else was as close to him as you. Everyone else lost a friend. You lost a father. There's a big difference. You can't expect yourself to move on from it. That's not healthy. It's just like I said, I'm here for you no matter how long it takes. You have to take your time with it, don’t rush the process." Peter pressed the lightest of kisses to one of your dampened cheeks.

"I just don't know what to do."

"Breathe."

As silly as it sounded in its simplicity you did as he instructed and inhaled deeply, allowing the air to coat your lungs that hadn’t been exposed to so much fresh air in a week. As you exhaled, you let out another sob in his arms, but somehow it felt better than all the others. You were not rid of your pain by any means and sadness still corroded your core, but for the first time in so long, you didn’t feel so hopeless. Peter placed another gentle kiss on your cheek, encouraging you as you took several more slow breaths and quiet cries until you found the strength to speak again.

“Was it like this for you when your parents died?” you wondered aloud as you pulled away from Peter to look into his chocolate brown eyes that you almost forgot you loved so much, yet not so far that he couldn't keep his arms around your frame that was still bearing his sweatshirt. You hadn’t spoken much about them before and while you weren’t sure where the question had arisen from, it felt like the right thing to ask.

“I was so young when they passed, sometimes I feel like they were never mine to begin with,” he admitted. “I took a couple days off school when it happened, but I don’t remember crying all that much. It’s tragic and sometimes it makes me sad that they’re gone, but I’m glad that it does. It’s a reminder that they were there for me in the first place, that I knew them enough to miss them. The grief is proof that I loved them while they were here.”

You were both silent for a moment as you thought about his words in relation to your situation. All your pain was put into perspective. Everything you had been through since he died, all the days you wasted away in bed, it was all the proof that you had loved him so much when he was alive and that you were still carrying the love you had left for him. You missed your father so much you were willing to die to get him back and for a moment, you almost did.

You parted from Peter’s arms to stand though you still grasped onto his hands as you weren’t strong enough to be upright on your own. You closed your eyes again and listened to the sound of the forest, the swaying of the leaves that still clung to their branches, the faint twittering of birds, and the calm of the sky that was oddly cloudless for autumn. The sound of your name falling from your father’s reformed lips was still faint in the air and for a moment you felt as though you were with him again.

You remembered when he taught you how to ride a bike one evening when you were only four. You remembered the day he pulled you from public school and started teaching you at home. You remembered the look of shock on his face when you showed him your powers for the first time and even more, you remember his pride when you completed your first mission with the Avengers (that he'd approved ahead of time to avoid any more Germany -like surprises). He wasn’t there, but at the same time he was everywhere. And you missed him, but at the same time the absence he left in your life felt less empty.

The tears came out in slow smooth streams, flowing down in slow trickles as you finally sat back down. You didn’t say anything and neither did Peter, but you knew he could feel what you felt. He could feel your father too and minutes slipped by as you sat and cried together.

There was a sudden rustling in the distance and soon enough, Doctor Strange and Wanda had arrived at the scene, no longer held back by invisible barriers. They rushed to you bringing flooding guilt through your system as you began to apologize.

“I’m sorry,” you cried. “I’m so sorry.”

Strange opened his mouth to speak, but he had nothing to say. You could tell by his expression that he was disappointed, but there was more to it. He had empathy.

It was Wanda that leaned down to place a friendly hand on your shoulder.

“Let’s get you home.”

The months following were some of the hardest of your life. Every battle you faced was uphill, but you no longer felt like you were fighting alone. You started going out again, first to visit Pepper and your half sister Morgan who lived in their cabin home. Peter joined you of course, but he played with Morgan for the most part while you and Pepper talked. You cried with her, but you laughed a lot too. She shared with you so many of her own memories, times when your father didn't know what to get you for your birthday, when he had managed to mess up cooking dinner in the strangest of ways, and when he’d accidentally burned your favorite stuffed animal in the drying machine all of which Pepper had to remedy. Though she hadn’t raised you, she was the mother you never had and through her stories you learned that your father had been just as good raising Morgan with her as he had been with you.

You hung out with Ned and MJ again shortly after that. While Peter had suggested a brief check-in at a cafe so you could go home quickly to rest, you surprised him with a much more time consuming idea: laser tag. The four of you had the best time targeting each other, you winning more rounds than any of the others. You ended the day with smoothies, talking as you drank and making plans for the next time you would all see each other. MJ made you promise you would text her if you ever needed anything and Ned gave you a whole plate of his Lola’s ensaymadas, your favorite dish of hers.

Finally, though he was locked up in his house and avoiding humanity, you visited Happy. Peter offered to join you like all the other times, but you assured him it would be best if he stayed home, promising you would return later. Happy was in a similar state of dismay to you when you saw him and while he was able to care for himself and continue with his personal routine, you could tell he was hurting.

You didn't say much when you first entered his apartment, but there was comfort within the silence. You sat with him on his sofa and watched whatever mind numbing program he had turned on to distract his thoughts until you had both worked up an appetite for lunch. It was there, in the middle of a random Burger King in Queens over a plate of cheeseburgers that you both broke down. You told him what you had nearly done, trusting him with the sensitive information as he was almost a second father to you. You took your time telling him the story of how you had nearly died to bring back your father.

Happy cried as you did and when you were finished, he told you how much you meant to him. He traded your story for one from your father after he returned from Afghanistan where he had famously been kidnapped.

"You could tell he was shaken," Happy began. "He told me he wasn't scared to die, but he was scared of losing time with you and leaving you alone. Pepper and I had been so busy trying to get him back, he was worried you had been neglected while he was gone. But when he came home and he saw your room clean, your toys put away, and a fridge full of leftovers from meals you prepared yourself, he was so proud. You inspired him to turn his life around. It was after that he told me that he knew you'd be okay if he was taken from us one day."

You both cried after that.

Long after you had finished your food, Happy drove you to the Parker's new apartment with the promise that he would be okay too, eventually. He also admitted that he was starting to develop quite the liking for your faithful boyfriend after hearing all that he had done for you, though he’d skin you alive if you ever told Peter.

It was that night in Peter's new bedroom that you knew you’d be okay. It still hurt to think of your father and you knew you’d never entirely recover and that the pain would never fully leave you, but there was a certain comfort in it now. You knew Peter felt it too as he snuggled half asleep into your side, his arm slung around your body in a protective manner, but also to keep from falling of the twin bed you shared as he let you sleep on the side with the wall. There were still days when you didn’t want to leave your bed, but there were also days when you felt more elated than ever. You could feel your father in those moments the most, like the shine of his smile took form in the light from the sun. You couldn’t see him nor could you speak with him, but you knew he wasn’t really gone. It was love that kept him around. And it was the love you carried for him that would suspend you for lifetimes, through light and dark until the end of time.

“I hope this grief stays with me because its all the unexpressed love” - Andrew Garfield 💙

#tom holland x you #tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland x y/n #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #peter parker x reader #peter parker #mental health #suicide awareness #avengers endgame #tony stark #stark!daughter #stark!reader #fem!reader #you are loved

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bellarkeselection · 1 year ago

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Heyy, I have a request for tony stark 😊 a lots of fluff with his wife telling him that she's pregnant and he's all happy ❤️

My Incredible Wife

Tags @mcugeekposts @underoostarks @rosie-posie08 @makeshift-prime

Holding the pregnancy test in my hands I was almost jumping up and down around the bathroom like I was a child hyped up on tons of sugar. Tony and I had been trying for a few years to get pregnant after we got married but I wound keep having miscarriages that I hated and Tony did even more so. Since he was a genius he thought he could solve most problems except for why we couldn’t have a baby. Flinging open the bathroom door I rushed downstairs shoving the pregnancy test in my back pocket going into his lab knowing he wouldn’t rather be anywhere else. “Tony, are you busy?”

“Never for you, babe. What’s going on in that heads of yours ?” He asked, sitting down the screwdriver he had in his hands. He patted his lap gesturing for me to sit down which I did without further instruction wrapping my arms around his neck.

Running one hand through his hair I couldn’t hide the huge grin on my face picturing a mini Tony or a mini running around the lab. “I have the biggest news ever. There’s gonna be another Stark in the family….ah Tony!” I squealed when he moved his hand to start ticking my hip knowing I was ticklish there leaving his other hand to rest on my upper thigh.

“Are you being serious or are you just wanting to go upstairs because you’re on your monthly thing. Not that I am complaining or anything.” He questioned me where his deep brown eyes met mine, raising his eyebrows at me. “Do you feel like cheeseburgers, I feel like we should have burgers.”

Pushing his face away playfully I blushed not believing he would say that. “Tony, I am not joking around with you. I never have. Because I am not like you. I’m serious and if you need proof here’s your proof.” Reaching into my back pocket I hand him the small test.

“Son of a bitch. This is incredible. You’re incredible.” He blurted out sitting the test on his messy metal table. He then cups my face in his warm hands cradling my face leaning forward kissing me deeply.

I giggled when he buried his face into the crook of my neck, kissing me slowly down until he found my sweet spot, making me moan. “Tony….I don’t want to get your hopes up. Oh….Ton..” My fingers threaded themselves into his black hair tugging it where he pulled back crashing his lips onto mine.

“Hey, hey, look at me honey. I know not to get my hopes up. I know that this is amazing and also scary for you because you don’t think that you can do it. But even if we lose this next one we can always adopt.” He moved his hands down onto my shoulders squeezing them gentle feeling me slump them down in relief.

Shaking my head I didn’t want to feel insecure about it but it wasn’t exactly easy for me after I lost the last baby. There’s a part of me that thinks he might leave me one day. “Yeah you're right I shouldn’t still be insecure about us and the fact that I might not be able to have kids…”

“Sssh darling. How many times do we have to have this conversation huh.” He asked giving me those puppy dog eyes that I was a sucker for. “Do I have to keep continuously telling you how smoking hot and amazing you are.”

Covering my face with my hands I bent my head down against his chest ignoring the fact that my head was on the piece of bright blue chest reactor that kept him alive. “Tony I’m sorry okay it’s just the hormones or something else girly related.”

“Y/n stop it. Alright my feelings for you the day I married you haven’t changed. You are still the woman made for me always and forever.” He declares tucking hair behind my ear turning my chin in his thumb and index finger so I was forced to look him in the eye.

“And I feel the same way about you but I want to have a baby of our own. That will look like you and me. If I can’t do that then what am I supposed to do?” I blurted out feeling some tears that he wiped away with his thumb.

He rested his forehead against mine running his fingers through my long hair that was falling down my shoulders. “Then you get to live with the fact that even if we can’t have kids you still get to be loved and married to the genius, billionaire, playboy superhero known as Iron Man.”

“You’re ridiculous, Stark.” I joked pushing his chest where I almost fell off his lap.

He booped his nose with mine quickly rising to his feet. “Only for you, Y/n. Now I think we have some business to intend to. Ensuring we have a little us inside your belly.”

“Tony!” I squealed, wrapping my legs around his waist along with my arms thinking he might drop me. He carried me through the house and into the bedroom gently sitting me down on the bed shrugging my tea shirt over my head letting it pool to the floor.

He smiled, yanking his own shirt over his head leaning down capturing my lips with his own pushing me onto my back. "You have no reason to be insecure if we can't have another baby. You are my incredible…beautiful…loving…wife…who will make a great mother…to any child we have…adopted or not." He responded by kissing me down my neck holding himself up by his hands on either side of me.

"I can already picture a little you running around the lab if I being honest…oh gosh!" I moaned when he kissed me suddenly until I rolled him onto his back with my hair falling in front of my eyes grinning ear to ear.

Tony groaned looking at me in lust and want, he placed his hand on my hips stroking it gently with his thumb. "You're so beautiful."

"I can't be the only one of us who has imagined this." I hummed at him where he quickly flipped us over, beginning to remove my shorts in the process.

I began to eye him up and down in awe at my husband's body shape. He was like a beautiful strong god. "Like what you see, Mrs. Stark." Tony asked with a smirk looking at me, kissing my nose.

"Yes, I do " I smirked and began to run my hands down his chest, still feeling my cheeks burning red.

"I'm going to make love to you all night, baby" Tony smirked before lifting me up in his arms causing me to squeal out loudly. His hands tickling me before I put my hands on his shoulders bringing him down for a heated kiss. Imagining the thought of us finally having our own little baby.

Comments really appreciated ❤️

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shydaydreamer28 · 6 months ago

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Some find it corny / lame, but I think it's sweet how Thor's back is almost a shrine to his brother. Lol

But not all are forgotten. The scroll has Frigga, Odin, Heimdall, Loki, Tony, and Nat.

Also seeing Loki's name with a "?" next to it. Seems at the time of that tattoo, he wanted to have a hope for Loki to still be alive (like the last 2 times).

Also speaking just on family, after the death,of his parents, Thor still got closure talking to Odin (end of Rag) & Frigga (Endgame) one final time. Meanwhile he hasn't ever gotten to see Loki again after his IW death. It doesn't help matters that Thor's last words to Loki were "you really are the worst brother"

So unlike Odin & Frigga whom he still got to have sweet goodbyes to, his little brother is yanked from him instantly with no room for parting words, or even an apology for his harsh sentiment moments before.

Now Thor has his own adopted child. He's got a chance to be better than Odin was with Loki.

I am sure it would hit all kinds of feels if he could talk to Loki one last time, give him that owed hug, an apology for his last words to him, as well as happily telling him about Love, cenenting once & for all that his adopted status didn't make him mean less -because now, 2 of Thor's most cherished loved ones are adopted family, his daughter & brother.

But I want Thor to meet our Loki again somehow. A variant he hasn't gone through everything with means little imo. It's like the cringe scenes of Strange being thirsty for a Christine variant - a wonan he doesn't know & had no history with just because she looks like the woman he's obsessive & possessive toward. 🙄

Some say it's fine because they just wouldn't have experienced the events after Avengers 2012. But those film events are big moments for them, the things they went through together tested their relationship the most for them to come out closer for it until Thanos.

Thor meeting some other Loki who had all his growth with / because of the TVA is hollow to me. The TVA & Sylvie are closer to him than Thor has been in any recent years. Plus the fact that Loki is sad / narcissistic enough to fall in love with a fem variant of himself is more cringe than Strange x Christine....So I prefer to ignore him & that show based on that alone. Lmao. Let him stay in his tree, or wherever he's sitting.

Our Loki had Thor for most of his growth & Thor is the one to continue to love & believe in him after they lost Frigga & Odin. Thor was his guide back into the light - who he gave his life for & died being 100% loyal to. So I want some closure with Thor for our Loki too, not only Thor. A variant means little to me. And it kinda spits on Sacred Timeline Loki & his bond with Thor - that he dies for the latter just to get replaced by a variant like he's an expendable goldfish. All these variants make relationships seems hollow if you lose a loved one, then start trying to grab replacements - Christine, Gamora, Loki, etc.

#mcu thor #thor odinson #mcu loki #loki laufeyson #loki odinson #love & thunder #thor love and thunder #thorki #loki x thor #thor x loki #marvel mcu #marvel cinematic universe #mcu #marvel #mcu brothers

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justkending · 1 year ago

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Found Memories. Chapter 1.

Finding Memories Sequel: (I advise you to read the 1st series for context).

Series Summary: Following the aftermath of Finding Memories, Bucky tries to complete goals he feels she would have discovered for herself as a way to let her memory live on. However, he never expected to find someone very close to who he believed she would have been if given the chance of normalcy. A journey of mourning someone he lost, turned into a journey of discovering someone new, happens upon the soldier. Maybe this whole normal thing isn’t as bad as he had pictured it in his mind. Maybe he had a better shot at it than he ever tried to imagine.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader insert

Chapter Word Count: 4000+

A/N (PLEASE READ): So I may or may not have gone back on my deal to not post until I finished writing it all, but I'm 15 chapters in, and though I have a ton more to write, I wanted to drop the first chapter for my Finding Memories people to have some closure, and also to see where Bucky's story plans to lead.

This series is told through 1st person unlike a lot of my others, but I realize I like this style a lot more. So all this is from Bucky's perspective in this chapter. I also understand this may seem a little confusing with this being a reader insert for both these stories, so using Y/N will make it harder to tell the difference between the characters. I’ll be calling our previous Y/N from the Finding Memories series, Sloan, just to avoid confusion. But please don’t let that take away from any of the personal aspects of the story. This is just a continued story of Bucky finding happiness after the ending of Finding Memories. (Just think of it as him falling for you 2x ;) There is a note at the bottom after reading so please read that when you finish!

Last note! For each chapter, I am connecting a song from the playlist our last reader left and Bucky took on his own. The song will play off the vibes of each chapter. You don't have to listen if you don't want to, but it is here as a little piece of Bucky's theme (sometimes thought processes and feelings) in each chapter. Enjoy!

Playlist song: At Last by: Etta James

Chapter 1:

4 years and 364 days had gone by since her passing.

Almost 5 years, 2 weeks, and 4 days since I had rescued her.

I think the reason it stuck with me was that this was one of those missions that carrying on like normal afterwards, wasn’t really an option.

When you lose someone on the field, whether you know them or not, a piece of you is saddened that someone lost their life. Normal. Human. Emotions.

However, you feel depressed and emotionally stuck when it’s someone you had become familiar with and plan to continue to grow familiar with.

It hurt even more when it was someone who deserved to go far in life and learn so many things about themselves in a healthy and safe environment. It was a stab to the heart to know she never saw that for herself and had made a decision no one should be put in the position to make.

But it happened. In the very likely chance someone was to find her and use her for her powers again, she erased all possibilities of it getting into the wrong hands. And with it erased all chances to experience the good in the world as well.

After she died, Bruce and Tony tested her blood to find what the other mutation was even if I knew for the most part.

We didn’t have much time to understand it, or for her to really explain all the pieces that came with her enhancements that she seemed to remember the day before her ultimate fate. But from what she had passed onto me in the last moments of her life, I feel like I had some kind of grasp of it.

Her hand over my heart seconds before her powers consumed her was more than just a sentimental goodbye. She shared within that touch her fears, her intentions, her understandings, and the peace she found in her decision.

It was something I could never explain in words to someone else, but it was a feeling that made me understand why it all had to come to the end that it did.

She had told me the night before, that her powers were created from the cosmos, and it was a power that could bring an end to society and the world we try so hard to keep afloat in what feels like constant choppy waters.

She didn’t have to go into too much depth about what all that meant, but it would soon be proven within hours of explaining to me that we would not get the end we hoped for.

I can’t lie and say I never expected things to take the turns they did. I live the life I have constantly considering the worst-case scenarios, and her death was always one of those scenarios as soon as we saved her in that hidden terrorist facility.

Bruce and Tony confirmed that her gifts were something that could be world-ending and quickly incinerated her blood so that no one could get ahold of that kind of power down the line.

The wishes she made on her deathbed were met and I was trying to meet all the other ones she had made and never got the chance to do herself.

It took me a while to go into her room and start to clean out the few personal items she had slowly gathered in the short time she was there, but really there wasn’t much to clean.

She had a few plants. I took one and Wanda took the other. Her clothes were either taken by Wanda or Nat and the rest were donated.

She had some books that had been gifted to her about random things she had found interest in while trying to find herself. A cookbook, a book on herbs and plants she used to read to put a name to the plants on the compound during her walks, and some history books Parker was kind enough to loan her so she could catch up with the world around her.

The only other thing of significance I found, and didn’t realize was something she kept, was a journal. It was in the nightstand drawer, but it had been hidden under all the other books she had collected.

Inside, it was a list of notes she made about those she had become close with.

1. Wanda is from Sokovia and she had a brother named Pietro whom she misses dearly. 2. Nat had a sister that’s on missions across seas and sees her every other month, but they keep in contact when able. 3. Bruce has 7 PhDs but has test anxiety. 4. Tony blast rock music that can be heard 3 levels above. (check songs to see if they spark anything…) 5. Bucky acts like Sam annoys him, but I secretly think they’re just as good of friends as he and Steve are. 6. Steve and Bucky grew up together and from what Nat said, “One looks for trouble the other follows cause he still sees Steve as a 90lb Brooklyn kid.” 7. Sam is from Louisanna and mentioned making a shrimp boil… (Still need to look that up...) 8. Bucky likes to prank Sam and Steve in small ways that they never figure out and it drives them slightly insane. 9. Spiderboy is incredibly smart but is also somehow very naive to the teasing he gets from everyone else. 10. Movie nights are something that everyone gets excited about and they all have very different tastes in movies to show me. So far, I've enjoyed the comedies the most. (Peter picked the movie Grown-ups and some of the things they do make no sense and are extremely goofy, but I think that's why I liked it...)

The list went on for about five pages of random things she discovered and felt were important to know about the team and sometimes even herself.

But in the back, only found if you looked through each page of the small journal, was a list of things she wanted to try once she felt ready and was given the chance to.

It didn’t feel right ripping the pages out for myself, or taking the journal and ruining it with my scribbles, so I copied the list in a notebook of my own and added some things I think she would have enjoyed if I was given the chance to show her.

She only got about 24 things written that she wanted to experience in the real world. Most of which were simple things most take for granted having the choice to do any day.

Right now I was looking at number seven;

7. Go to a coffee shop and try different drinks with cinnamon in them. Find a favorite, so I can eventually say, “I’ll have the usual,” like they do in the movies.

It was hard to know what her favorite would have been, but I did the best I could. Eventually, I had a usual at the coffee shop I started the adventure on.

“He’s back.” The barista whose head was in the pastry display shot up and smiled toward me. “It’s been a minute since we’ve seen you. Life or work in the way this time?”

“What’s the difference?” I responded though it came across a little more melancholy than I meant.

Luckily, Trudy, the shop owner, had become familiar with me enough to know it’s just how I talk.

“Get him the usual, dear,” she said to the worker at the front as she wrapped a muffin and handed it to a customer waiting on the side.

When the worker just looked at her wide-eyed and freaked out, Trudy laughed to herself and pointed her to another task.

“Forgot she’s only been here for 2 days,” Trudy’s New York accent was strong as she typed in my regular order. “So. Any big bad guys in the world I should be worryin’ about or do you have it handled?”

“Nothing for you to worry about, Trud,” I smiled as she grabbed a cup and wrote one of her new names for me on it. She was clever with what she could come up with depending on the day. “Sorry, I haven’t been in. I was sent overseas for a bit the last few weeks.”

“You haven’t come in a month,” she said with a raised motherly eyebrow.

“Hate to break it to ya, but there are bad guys I have to take care of over here too. They keep me just as busy sometimes,” I chuckled, moving out of the way in case someone else needed to order.

“Yeah, yeah,” she groaned, grabbing a pastry and wrapping it up for me. “I made a new recipe from my Italian side of the family. Give it a try,” she stuck a sticker on it to seal the bag and came around the counter to give it to me. “Tell me how you like it.”

“How much?” I went on to grab cash knowing she likely wouldn’t let me pay anyway.

“Cost ya a review on Yelp,” she pushed it on me more. “I had someone come in the other day and try and cheat the system to get free stuff, and when I wouldn’t budge she lowered my rating on the damn website.”

“I don’t think one bad rating will hurt ya, Trud,” I sighed, taking it and putting the cash in the tip jar instead.

“Eh, I like to counter it with a good one where I can. Plus, I’m running out of fake emails to do it myself. Help a gal out.”

I laughed knowing she may have been a small hole-in-the-wall business, but she got enough foot traffic to keep her afloat even if she joked about going under if I didn’t give her reviews and tell my friends about it.

Before I could give her peace of mind knowing I’d help in any way she asked me, the bell rang as another customer came in.

I looked back absentmindedly and saw a woman with her head down while she talked on the phone, but was kind enough to go to the side and finish her conversation before walking to the register.

“That drink ready?” Trudy shouted to the back and just in time a barista walked out with the cup of my “usual” drink and handed it off. “I’ll be seeing ya sometime soon, right?” She withheld the coffee until I confirmed.

“Tomorrow,” I promised knowing I had one thing planned and I knew it wouldn’t be interrupted.

“Good. Have a good one, Boomer,” she winked and I looked to see the name matched on the cup.

“What does that mean?” I raised an eyebrow.

“Something the kids are calling old people like you and me,” she shrugged. “Figured if I was going to be called it, you should too.”

I rolled my eyes playfully before giving a final goodbye and heading toward the doors. The woman that had come in was hanging up the phone and happened to look up at the same time I passed.

She had soft eyes and smiled up at me in a polite way before sidestepping and moving to the counter.

I couldn’t help but stop with my hand on the door handle as I looked at her trying to grasp who she reminded me of.

She had kind features and her light smile was what made me do a double take. I may have imagined it, but something about her beamed at me in a way that I couldn't shake.

I was snapped out of my thoughts when someone else tried to come in and I quickly opened the door for them and moved out of the way. But I looked in the shop one more time seeing Trudy smiling back at the woman and sharing a similar banter she had with me.

I honed in my hearing some and caught the middle of the conversation.

“I would ask if you want your normal order, but it’s been so long I’m not sure if it’s the same,” Trudy teased.

“The move has been great. Thanks for asking Trudy,” the woman remarked with a laugh.

It would become creepy pretty quickly with me just staring and eavesdropping in the doorway, so I moved on even if I was intrigued to hear the rest of this conversation.

I took my time walking to my car since the woman’s face was sticking in my mind. Something seemed oddly familiar of her, but I couldn’t put a finger on what it was.

________________________

“Hey, I was looking for you!” Sam’s voice sounded as soon as I walked into the kitchen.

“I’d rather you weren’t,” I said back, going to the trash to throw my cardboard cup away and grab a snack from the fridge.

“Hardy, har, har,” Sam responded. “But really. I need help with a file I can’t access.”

“Maybe you can’t access it for a reason,” I gave a smug smile to him as I shut the fridge and took a bite out of the apple I stole from it.

“You're really channeling that clown energy as Parker would say today, aren't you?” he gave me a straight face before pulling papers I hadn’t noticed beforehand and passed them to me. “It’s just some notes on a mission we did last week, but I need to tweak some things. For some reason, the file isn’t giving me access so I was going to ask if I can go through your account.”

“Have Tony look at your account. Maybe the clearance level got mixed up. He had a new protection server put in the other week and a few accounts were tweaked.”

“Well, he's not in his lab.”

“Ok,” I dragged out. “Sounds like a personal problem.”

“Barnes, just let me on your account for two seconds to fix it and then I’ll go and find him. It won’t take me longer than five minutes,” Sam groaned.

I could continue to give him a hard time, but I needed to get some things ready for tomorrow and wasn’t in the mood to keep up my normal antics.

“Fine. Where’s your computer?” I huffed, biting into the apple again and waiting for him to bring it to me.

He smiled like he won, even though I could still say no if I wanted, and grabbed the laptop on the counter and handed it off to me.

I logged in like normal and went to the file, but was stopped when I came to the same problem he had.

“What the hell?” I glared at the screen and tried a few more tricks but this new protective program Tony had installed was foreign to me.

“Damn it,” Sam crossed his arms and sighed. “You’re the third person now. Why won’t it let me see this damn file?”

I looked at him waiting for him to explain.

“I asked Nat and Wanda too. No luck,” he shrugged.

That was strange. It was a file from the mission we had done last week. A thief that had been stealing intel from some division in the SHEILD operations over some classified information, but we had captured and incarcerated the hacker.

“Friday,” I asked into the void and her voice followed.

“How can I help, Sargent Barnes?”

“Why aren’t we able to get into these files?”

There was a pause as she tried to find the answer.

“It seems to be in a classification you don’t have access to. Clearance levels are not high enough. Would you like me to call Mr. Stark?”

Sam and I shared a look that showed we were on the same page. There were very few things we didn't have access to, so the system was screwed or not modified after the update. At least that was to hoping it was something that simple.

“No. Where’s Tony at?” I asked instead.

“He’s headed to the lobby. He has an appointment with Ms. Clark.”

The name didn’t sound familiar, though there were a lot of people Stark talked to that I never cared to learn about. He was the face of the team anyway, so luckily he handled a majority of the social aspects of our job.

“Thanks, Friday,” I nodded my head to the exit.

Sam nodded in agreement and we made our way to the lobby to find him.

It wasn’t a portion of the compound we were usually in, so seeing people in business suits coming and going always reminded me of the mass amount of workers who never did fieldwork that came and went.

“Stark,” I shouted once I spotted him at one of the reception desks talking with the secretary that was handing him papers she had just printed.

He turned at his name and looked at us both confused as to why we would be there.

“Got a question for ya,” Sam started out.

“Can it wait? I have a meeting with someone I actually like,” he said sarcastically.

Before I had the chance to spit something back at him and give him a taste of his own medicine, Sam took over.

“I need access to a file of the mission report we just came back from, but it’s not allowing me to get to it,” he summed up.

“Strange,” Tony hummed, looking at the papers he was previously handed as if our issue was nothing for him to worry about.

“It won’t let me through either,” I said and he eventually looked up rolling his eyes before putting the papers on the counter and giving us his attention finally.

“Can this wait like 20 minutes?” he asked.

“It might be because of your new and overly complicated-” I started and once again, Sam saved me from saying something that would probably have Tony ignoring us the rest of the week if I wasn't careful.

“We’ll wait,” Sam nodded. “We’ll be over there.”

He pointed to a few chairs off to the side and nodded his head for me to follow. Though I was against the motion, I obliged to not make matters more annoying. I’d give him 20 minutes, but I was just as intrigued by this issue as Sam was now.

Tony went back to the secretary and grabbed the papers looking through them before grabbing a pen and sloppily marking random things out before handing it back.

Just as he turned back, he seemed to have spotted who he was looking for to begin with and I followed his eyeline.

Walking in and looking around marveling at the size of the place before seeing Tony and smiling at him, was the same woman who I had seen at the coffee shop. The same one who was talking to Trudy about a move.

I must have been staring while she and Tony met in the middle and started casually conversing. She reached into the tote she was carrying and handed Tony what looked like a sweater and a folder, but he only took the piece of clothing leaving her with just the folder still in hand.

My stare must have been unmoving cause Sam nudged me with his shoulder and gave me a weird look when I broke out of my trance.

“What are you gawking at?” he asked, looking where I was and raising his eyebrows. “Oh, I see.”

I furrowed my eyebrows and gave him a disapproving look to show his mind wasn’t in the right place.

“Shut up,” I grunted, slouching some in my spot, but only to show disinterest in an attempt to push him off my case.

“No, I get it. She’s a pretty lady,” Sam chuckled, crossing his arms and leaning back in his own seat. “Just didn’t see you looking for something like that anytime soon-”

“Don’t get any ideas,” I cut him off. “I saw her at a coffee shop earlier today and she just looked familiar. That’s it.”

He looked from me back at the girl and turned his head as he analyzed her.

She was smiling at something Stark was saying and shaking her head about whatever it was he was grinning about. I wasn’t sure what the conversation could even be about, and with the loud echoing space, I couldn’t exactly pinpoint what was being shared.

“I have an idea,” Sam spoke up after a second and stood up without any hesitance, and walked towards the two.

“Sam, wait! Stop! What are you doing?” I whisper shouted sitting up and looking around as if someone else was in on this idea with him.

When he didn’t turn back or let up in his steps, I was quickly on my feet trying to get ahead of him to stop him, but he was walking faster causing us to interrupt the two abruptly and throw them both off.

“Hi,” Sam smiled kindly at her then back at Stark.

“I told you I would help you after I talked with-,” Tony started, but Sam patted his shoulder and made him pause.

“Sam Wilson,” he went on to introduce himself while putting his other hand out for her.

The woman seemed surprised by the introduction, but she was kind nonetheless and extended her own hand before introducing herself.

“Y/N Clark,” she smiled. “Nice to meet you.”

Sam turned to me and she followed his look. I wasn’t prepared to talk to her, but I wasn’t going to be rude and just sit there silently and stare at her.

I extended my hand as well and she smiled at the motion.

“James Barnes,” I gave a tight smile, but it wasn’t because of her, it was because I was seconds from punching Sam right in the chest for putting me in this position.

“Mr. Barnes. Nice to meet you,” she nodded, returning the handshake and it was surprisingly firm.

I would have paid mind to the detail, but now being in close proximity to the woman, I was seeing features that I hadn’t taken in before.

She had Y/H/C hair, Y/E/C eyes, and her smile was one I had seen before. She was wearing a bright red checkered winter coat that sat on top of a tan sweater tucked into a nice pair of brown slacks. It seemed fitting for her even if I hadn’t known anything about her. But something in her persona showed she was kind and had a welcoming nature.

Tony rolled his eyes once again and decided to go ahead and introduce us.

“Cyborge and Birdman, this is Ms. Clark. She’s Morgan’s teacher. Ms. Clark, these are two of my most impatient coworkers,” Tony motioned to us. “Who I asked to give me a second before I talked with them…” The glare he was giving us pulled me away from staring at her longer than what would have been socially acceptable.

“Thank this one for the interruption,” I shouldered Sam harshly which he became slightly unbalanced from and gave me another glare.

“Just seemed rude to not introduce your colleagues,” Sam gritted through his teeth, talking to me when the comment was directed to Tony.

“It’s fine,” Ms. Clark spoke up, breaking the growing tension between us three, and I immediately turned my attention back to her. “I was here to just drop off these two things anyway.”

“Yeah, well, I had a few things I wanted to discuss without,” Tony continued, only taking a second in between to send us yet another death stare, “this interruption.”

“I appreciate what you’re offering, but I’ve already told you I have a job set with another district after this year,” she smiled professionally, and I couldn’t help but smile myself at seeing someone say no to Tony.

“Yeah, but… Money.” His eat-shit grin worked on the weak-minded, but clearly, she was not that.

“Money is great and all, but it's not what this is about, Mr. Stark,” she chuckled, readjusting her tote on her shoulder. "Maybe after winter break and I get some paperwork back from the new school I'll be at, we will better understand what I'll have on my plate."

“That sounds like a well-worded way to put this conversation off,” Tony smirked.

She returned it which proved he was right, but she wasn’t falling for his schemes still.

“It’s Christmas break, Mr. Stark. Have a great vacation with your family and happy holidays,” she nodded, turning to walk out, but not completely turned away. “You two as well. I hope the world is kind enough to give you all a break as you deserve during this time.”

“If I know anything about teaching, I know you’ll be needing a break just as much,” Sam shouted in her direction with a smile.

She laughed at that and it was a sound that made it hard not to smile as a reaction to it.

“Happy Holidays,” she said one final time, waving kindly and moving to the exit.

“Well, she seems nice,” Sam grinned in a teasing manner and turned to face us both by taking her place.

“This is why I haven’t brought her around here,” Tony sighed heavily and ran a hand through his beard. “Now, what do you two want?”

Sam followed quickly after Tony, who was already walking back to the lab, but I couldn’t seem to pull my eyes from the red checkered jacket that was out the doors now and walking down the steps.

It was another feeling that I couldn’t quite put into words…

I unfortunately don't have a release date for the next chapter as I am going to stick to my promise of finishing the series before I post any further. This is just to give an idea of what's to come! As always, any likes or reblogs, and comments (even if just a heart or a gif) makes my blood, sweat, and tears for this series feel validated :') ANYWHO!! I'm excited to share with you all the stories to come with this series and these characters because in writing them, I've fallen in love with them myself.

Let me know if you want to be tagged by sending me an ask here!

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@tinkerbelle67 @a-beaverhausen @caruhleener @fanfictionjunkie1112 @sjsmith56 @nancymcl @kaygilles @laisbeltrans @matchat3a @ambrosia1846 @peachiestevie

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@thejourneyneverendsx @death-unbecomes-you @mythos-writes @srrymydood @xa-dia @redhairedfeistynerd @morganclaire4 @connie326 @captain-asguard @mollygetssherlockcoffee @teenagedreams-bucky @shower-me-with-roses @livstilinski @basicallylool @starryeyeseunbyul

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#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes sequel #finding memories sequel #bucky barnes #justkending #bucky barnes series #marvel series #marvel fanfiction #reader insert #marvel #mcu #mcu series #bucky barnes x reader insert #finding memories #bucky barnes 1st person #bucky barnes new series #Found Memories

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dc-marvel-life · 2 years ago

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My Queen

Pairing: Valkyrie x reader

Request: I humbly request a fan fiction where female reader (if that's okay) is Valkyrie’s soulmate. The avengers saved you from hydra and Thor immediately recognized your soulmark. But hydra wants you back because you can talk to animals and turn into a small wolf but Val isn't going to lose her Queen. She had lived through reader dying and lived long enough for her return, she won’t fail us again. - By Anon

Word Count: 1276

The Avengers just finished taking down a Hydra base experimenting with people for their powers. Everyone thanked him once they were free and escorted by SHIELD agents to a plane. Thor is in one of the holding blocks releasing all the people into cells. Thor goes into the last cell in the block, and he freezes. He freezes because the prisoner has a mark of Asgard, more specifically, an Asgard soulmate mark that matches Valkyrie’s mark. Thor has heard many stories of Valkyrie's mate and how she was a kind and loving person who could light up a room, but that is sadly not true now. She is wearing torn-up clothing that looks like it has not been washed since she put it on, cuts and bruises are all over her body, and she is chained to the wall on a short chain. She is in the corner of the room in a ball, shaking. It is a hard sight to see for Thor because she is supposed to be a mighty and strong warrior. Who knows what she has been through for all these years locked up.

“Y/N…” Thor says softly, not to spook Y/N. Y/N turns around slowly to see Thor and sighs in relief.

“Y/N, it is time to come home; Valkyrie is waiting for you,” Thor says, and Y/N’s face lights up at hearing her soulmate’s name. She tries to stand up but falls right away. Thor is there to catch her. Thor breaks the chain and carries Y/N out of the building and into the Quinn Jet.

“Thor, why are you bringing one of the prisoners here and not with the SHIELD medics,” Tony asks Thor.

“We have to get back to base quickly,” Thor says, putting Y/N on the medic table and strapping her in.

“I will get you back to Valkyrie, Y/N. I promise you that,” Thor says quietly to Y/N.

“You never answer my question, Thor,” Tony says.

“She is Asgardain and needs to go home to her soulmate, Valkyrie,” Thor says to Tony.

“We should be heading out in just a second. Let me start up the jet. Also, please don’t tell Valkyrie that I was holding you back. I am kind of scared of her,” Tony says, looking back to ensure everyone is in the jet before taking off.

The team gets to the compound and rushes Y/N to the med bay with Dr. Cho. While they care for Y/N, Thor calls Valkryie to tell her the news.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Valkyrie is in her house in New Asgard, drinking in the middle of the day. This has been normal for Valkyrie since she lost Y/N all those years ago. Things have improved since she met Thor and returned to Asgard to be the new king, but the loss of her love never goes away.

Valkyrie had already been through one bottle and was about to start another, but her phone ringing distracted her. She looks at her phone and sees it is Thor and doesn’t answer at first. Valkyrie sighs and continues to open her bottle, and her phone rings again. She looks, and it is Thor again. Thor usually doesn’t call two times in a row because she doesn’t like using phones, so it must be important. Valkyrie picks up her phone.

“What do you want, Thor? You are interrupting someone very important right now and-”

“We found her, Val,” Thor says, interrupting Valkyrie.

“She is here at the compound in the med bay. He found her in a hydra base today” Thor continues talking, but she stops listening after we found her. Valkyrie knows what Thor means by her; it is the love of her life that she lost all those years ago.

Valkyrie hung up the phone and rushed to the Avenger’s compound to see Y/N. She gets to the compound, and it is silence in the air. Everyone is staring at her, not knowing what to say.

“Where is she?!” Valkyrie yells at everyone staring at her. Thor comes to her and leads her to Y/N. They walk to the med bay in silence. Once they reach the med bay, Thor lets her go in alone. Valkyrie walks in slowly, not knowing what to expect, and the sight in front of her is much worst than she thought. Y/N is lying on the bed and sleeping with machines all around her and multiple needles in her. Y/N has bruises and cuts all over her body from being a prisoner of Hydra.

“My queen, you have come back to me,” Valkyrie says, walking over to Y/N and sitting beside the bed. Valkyrie grabs Y/N’s hand and kisses it.

“You have no idea how much I miss you, my love. I thought about killing myself, but I knew you would bring me back to life and kill me yourself, so I never did it. I am so glad that I didn’t so we can be reunited,” Valkyrie says, holding back tears.

“You are right that I would have brought you back just to kill you,” Y/N says, then laughs, but her body hurts and winces.

“My love, you are awake” Valkyrie places one of her hands on Y/N’s cheek.

“Of course I am. Did you really think that you could get rid of me?” Y/N says, turning her head so she has a good view of Valkyrie.

“I mean, I thought I did for thousands of years,” Valkyrie says, and a tear runs down her face. Y/N wipes away the tears from her face.

“Well, I am back, and why do you look like shit, my beautiful angel, I can smell the alcohol on your breath too,” Y/N says with a raised eyebrow. Valkyrie tries to speak, but nothing comes out.

“Don’t worry darling, I am back and do not need to explain yourself. We both had rough thousands of years,” Y/N says with a smile. The smile that Valkyrie fell in love with. No matter what the situation, Y/N always had a smile on her face.

“What happened to you, my love?” Valkyrie asks.

“Well, the last thing I remember was fighting in a battle with you, and I got hit. I fell all the way down to Midgard somehow. I was injured and called out for help, but no one came. Just animals came to me, and I thought they would attack me since I was down and hurt, so I shifted to my wolf. The only problem is that I only changed half of my body since I was so injured. That scared off all the animals, and I was left to freeze near a lake. I fell into the lake a froze. I don’t know how long had passed before Hydra found my frozen body in the lake and saw I had power and wasn’t part of the Earth. They have experimented on me ever since,” Y/N says, crying while telling the story.

“Well, don’t worry, my love, anymore because you are safe with me, and I will never let anything happen to you ever again, okay,” Valkyrie says, and Y/N nods her head. Valkyrie leans in and gives Y/N a long-deserved kiss.

“Also, you are a queen,” Valkyrie says after breaking the kiss.

“I know, you called me that always,” Y/N laughs.

“No, I mean you are the queen of New Asgard,” Valkyrie says, leaving Y/N speechless.

“Well, I am happy to be your queen,” Y/N says, smiling at Valkyrie.

Masterlist

#marvel #marvel cinematic universe #valkyrie x reader #valkyrie #valkryie #marvel fluff

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irondad-defensesquad · 6 months ago

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Sometimes you can't make it on your own

Also on AO3! A drabble that kind of got out of hand.

TRIGGER WARNING - self-harm (nothing graphic)

“Are you seriously hiding your injuries from me again?”

“No! No, I’m not–”

“Then why the hell are you wincing?”

“Mr. Stark–”

“Why do you do this? Peter, I want to know when you’re hurt. How am I going to help you if you don’t even trust me?”

“This is different, okay?” Peter raises his voice.

“How is it any different?!”

“BECAUSE-! Because…”

Peter gulps, trembling. Tony has his arms crossed.

“... It wasn’t a bad guy.”

Or at least not the kind of bad guy they’re familiar with.

“And it wasn’t on patrol,” Peter adds.

Tony is quiet, trying to solve the mystery on his own.

“You… You can’t help with this, Mr. Stark. Because…” Peter sniffs. “I deserve it.”

He doesn’t want to cry and look even more pathetic to his mentor, but the boy’s repressed tears are close to exploding his chest. Meanwhile, he can sense the horror coming from Tony.

“I’m sorry. I-I really am. But you don’t have to do anything. This is just… something that happens. Something that… I don’t know, helps, somehow. I need this, Mr. Stark. So you can’t help me. A-And it’s just going to heal soon, it’ll be gone and- and then everything will go back to normal. It’s fine.”

Peter clutches his baggy shorts, most specifically where his thighs sting.

Tony stands there, not saying a word for now.

You might as well think he’s going to leave. Either because he believes Peter, or he thinks the kid is a lost cause.

That’s what Peter gets wrong.

“No.”

There’s some anger in Tony’s voice, but it’s not out of annoyance.

“Kid, you do not deserve any sort of pain, ever. Maybe it helps in the short term. But it hurts, doesn’t it? It burns, you don’t like it. I can see you don’t.”

“But Mr. Stark–”

“And listen, just because you do it to yourself, that does NOT mean you deserve to suffer in silence. You don’t have to bear it. You don’t have to put on a brave face and pretend you’re fine. Peter,” Tony inhales before he loses himself to tears as well, “out of anyone, I completely understand how you feel. I always thought I should be made of iron, but I’m not. I’m a person. I feel pain, and I don’t have to bear it alone. Sometimes I might not remember it, but it’s true.”

The teen tries to open his mouth again, but besides the lack of words, Tony is grabbing his shoulders to make Peter gaze at him, actually look at him and see all that pain Tony is talking about inside his dark eyes.

“Just because you have powers, that doesn’t make it okay. Until it heals, it’s going to hurt like hell. You’re not going to sleep well with the wounds stinging, are you? You’re going to cry on until you fall asleep, and you won’t sleep peacefully. No one is going to have any idea how much it hurts you. And even when the cuts are gone, you’re going to keep hurting. It’s still in your head, haunting you. You’re not aiding the cuts. You won’t let anyone help with that. And the one who’s going to suffer the most is you. Me, your aunt, your friends, we’ll get worried and sad, but Peter, your pain is what matters the most to us, not our own feelings.”

Tony’s hands reach Peter’s cheeks, some fingers touching the latter’s brown curls.

“Listen, I know it’s not easy to let people know you’re hurt. But you can trust me . I’m going to get upset, but I’m not going to blame you, kid. I’m going to help the best way I can. I promise I am not going to make you go to sleep hurt. I am not going to blame you for doing this. I’m sorry for probably making you think otherwise,” Tony continues. “All I ask you is to please, please don’t be silent about your pain. Please, come to me when you need me. You’re allowed to need someone. You’re a teenager. I’m the one who looks out for you, I want to look out for you. You’re my kid. Okay? You’re my kid. I want to help. Let me in, Peter. I want to be part of your life. Not just the good parts, but the messy, complicated parts not everyone wants to confront.”

Hearing all of this makes Peter start sobbing.

“I-I’m sorry–”

“Shhh, shhh…” Tony wraps his arms around him, lying Peter’s head on his shoulder. “It’s going to be okay, kid.”

“H-How? How is it going to be okay? Will I ever be okay?”

Tony is obviously not going to have a clear answer to that. However…

“We’ll figure it out together, bud. I promise.”

It’s what Tony said. Until Peter feels better, the road to recovery is hard.

He doesn’t have to think about the end of the road right now.

It’s the way there.

And it’s not linear, it’s not clear.

There might be fog, rain, blizzards, sandstorms…

But at least Tony will make sure Peter doesn’t get lost.

#lotus speaks #irondad #fics #my fics #self-harm tw #self harm tw #sh tw #vent fic

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ash-whimsicalfanfic · 2 years ago

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Agent Rushmore (CH 3)

Leroy Jethro Gibbs X Fem OC/Reader

Word Count: 1374

Warnings: Mild language, violence, gore, guns, fluff, smut, angst, PTSD, graphic scenes, blood…

Prompt: Special Agent Locklyn Rushmore, a highly trained Russian assassin who is skilled in all forms of hand-to-hand combat, weaponry, negotiating, and more. When her cover is blown, she is returning back to NCIS headquarters in D.C…

Jethro Gibbs POV

I watch her as she walks around the room. I could tell she was on edge and anxious. She was lost in thought and I didn’t miss my team giving me a look. They thought she was suspicious. I shake my head at them. She wasn’t. She was scared.

“The Dixen family is one of power, greed and death. They are a mafia family, one that has been going for five generations. The longest family mafia to continue. They use to be at the bottom of the food chain, but they soon were at the top. They still are. Their name and their power should be enough to scare you away.” She starts.

“It didn’t scare you away.” Ducky says.

“Because no one would take that case and I thought, what do I have to live for. If this went sideways of course. And it has. But, I realized how terrible this family is. And I couldn’t die. No…they need to be taken down.” She says.

“What changed?” Tim asks.

“I went undercover five years ago. I look younger than I am. I became twenty-two year old, Svetlana Yákov. I was to work as an exotic dancer in one of the clubs they owned. I did for two weeks. That was when the eldest brother noticed me, Kenzo Dixen. He prefers his women fiesty, curvy, and red-headed. I fit the description. His other two brothers, Kayvon and Kazor Dixen, weren’t so fond of me in the beginning. They were suspicious of me and I really thought my cover would have been blown then.” She explains, still pacing the room.

“Oh Locklyn.” Ducky murmurs.

“In due time, I became Kenzo’s fiancé. I was thankful how quick things moved because it meant I was trusted and soon I was sitting in on meetings. They spoke so freely in front of me. Occasionally, they’d ask my opinion.” She says.

“And you’d say what?” I ask.

“At first, I played dumb. They’d laugh and joke around how I was a woman with no brains. I was eavesdropping one day and Kenzo’s father, Kyler, wanted him to break the engagement off. He said I was a good for nothing whore with no brains. In fact, he said I was worse than a blonde. I managed to get in contact with Director Shepard and she told me to put my brain to work. Go with my gut. Go deeper into Svetlana’s cover and not my own identity. I was mixing the two, I was aware and as was she. I feared I’d lose myself to my undercover identity.” She says.

“So?” Tony asks, very intrigued by the story.

“They were having trouble with a drug op. As much as I hated assisting in them smuggling drugs through airlines to get to Europe, I did. Director Shepard was aware and she helped make it happen. We just had airline security play dumb. That was when the family finally realized that I may be a good wife to Kenzo. It went like that, them asking for ideas. Thankfully, Kenzo decided he liked to run things. He was happy I showed his family I was someone with brains, but he felt threatened. So, he had me stand down and keep my silence. In fact, after the whole op went the way they wanted and his family was quite proud of me. He was angry. He liked to be the top-dog. He likes to be prided. So, I faced a beating for that. I took it, not wanting my cover to be blown.” She explains.

“Lock…” Jen murmurs.

“I worked hard. Trying to be feisty, yet obedient. I didn’t want to step on his toes too much and he kill me. So, I did my best. I listened, I got pictures, I witnessed murders and got more beatings throughout the years. But, I got the call that we had enough to bring the Dixen family down for good. Everything was going to plan until they got a federal agent on their side. He got promoted within the past three years. However, all along he was with them—before I went undercover. So, the federal agent wasn’t sure who was undercover and where they were in the family.” She explains.

“Narrows it down to ten people.” Jen says, laying out ten pictures.

“The family drifted and fought and accused anyone including blood. It was a mess. Everyone there was on edge. Director Shepard was trying to pull me out when the federal agent figured out who I was. I was packing my stuff and was about to flee. However, they already got the information that Svetlana wasn’t who she said she was. She was the mole. As you know, mafias and moles never go hand-in-hand. I left as quick as I could. I’ve spent months trying to lose them whilst trying to get back here. But, they’ve always known where I am and I can’t figure it out. I’m an ex-Russian assassin and spy and I can’t lose a few mudaka’s.” She says.

“Huh?” Tony asks and I slap him in the back of the head.

“You have a whole mafia after you, not a few assholes. You can’t blame yourself.” Jen says.

“Lock, lay there.” Ducky says.

She sighs, doing as told. He grabs the X-Ray machine and steps back with us. We watch and wait.

“Right here.” He says when he’s studying the scan.

My eyes wandered over some of the bones that didn’t heal quite right or the ones she’s recently injured before reaching the thing he was pointing at. In her arm.

“I was shot there but they got the bullet out.” She says.

“And put a tracker in you.” Jen says.

“Ducky, get it out.” She says quietly.

Ducky gives her a pitiful look, grabbing a pair of gloves. She sits, putting her arm on the table and I see the white star shaped scar from a bullet. Ducky makes a cut, grabbing tweezers and pulling out a small little tracker. Next thing I know, Locklyn had her boot off and was smashing it.

“I think you got it, Lock. You wouldn’t of known if it weren’t been for the scan. This isn’t your fault.” Jen says.

“It is Jen! It is my fault. I trained! For years, I trained. Unwilling or not, it’s who I am today. I trained for this and how did I miss them putting a damn tracker in me. This one little slip-up has costed people their lives because they want me dead. I should’ve known it was a tracker when I knew they kept following me. I’m a fool! I made a mess, Jen. This is my mess and I need to clean it up. Give me clearance to be who I was before I became a federal agent.” She says.

“No. You almost lost yourself to that part of you. I’m not going to lose you again. You are my family, Locklyn. Those bastards will pay and they will pay with a life behind bars. You will not get an clearance to be who you once were. You aren’t Locklia Rashmor…you are Locklyn Rushmore and you are a federal agent with the biggest heart I know. Your not alone anymore. You have a team.” She says, grabbing Locklyns shoulders.

“I don’t want anyone else getting hurt. This isn’t their fight.” She says quietly.

“I think your underestimating your team, Agent.” Tony says.

She looks over and I study her. The look of vulnerability in her eyes was one I found myself familiar with. She’s been alone all those years undercover with no one to turn to and now, she’s returned. She’s in a war between herself and her undercover self.

“We are a team. A family. And you are apart of this team…this family. We fight together, not alone. We have each others backs.” Ziva says.

“You got that right, Ziva. Have you been practicing your idioms?” Tony asks.

Ziva looks at me and I roll my eyes, smiling slightly as I smack the back DiNozzo’s head. He whines, grabbing the back of it as he looks at me.

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delulu-with-wandanat · 1 year ago

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Two Worlds Apart

Another song that has been stuck in my head- (this is also sort of a continuation) anyway idk if this counts as angst but ay its sad shit ig

‘Corrupted’ Wanda x ‘Earth 77’ Natasha

Pairings: Natasha Romanoff x Wanda Maximoff

Summary: After losing Natasha, Wanda ventured across the multiverse to find her lover. She found Earth-77. She decided to kidnap Earth-77 Natasha and brought her back to her own Universe, but like they said. You fuck around with the Universe, it’ll find a way to bite you back in the ass.

"Wanda, I have to return to my own universe." The incursion of her presence cause too much havoc. The environment surrounding them were breaking in ways they could have never imagined.

"Natasha, I can't... don't make me do this."

"You have too, moya lyubov. Look around!" The sky looked liked it was tearing itself apart, buildings collapsing, people disintegrating out of existance. "I don't belong here, Wanda. You have to return me-"

"NO-" The Scarlet Witch side of Wanda seemed to have returned for a split second, Natasha had to be careful with her words.

For the last couple of weeks Natasha was able to reduce the corruption that the darkhold had against Wanda. Slowly, but surely, Wanda was returning to her old self. The sweet, kind, gentle and loving Wanda Maximoff that Natasha once knew. Sure this was a variant of her Wanda, but they share a lot of similarities.

"A portion of my breath flew away with you the night you died. These past few weeks with you… was the first time I could properly breathe again. Please, don’t take this away from me.”

Natasha understood her pain, she truly does. As in her Universe, she had lost her Wanda. “When you left me that night, I put the blame on myself.” Natasha clenched her jaw as tears starts to pool in her eyes. “Believe me when I say I want nothing more than to stay here with you and be in your arms again. To have the life we always talked about.”

“And we could have that, Natalia.” Wanda pushed once more.

“Wanda we can’t-“

“Why not?” She asked rather coldly. The Scarlet Witch seems to have wrapped around her once again.

“My love please, I know you would never go through this willingly-”

“Am I wrong, for not being the same person I was before?” Natasha went silent at the eerie contrast of Wanda’s variant, and the Wanda she once knew. The one who sacrificed herself for the soul stone in Vormir.

“For wanting what I rightfully deserve? Everyone gets a happy ending, Steve returned to his lover in the past. Clint was reunited with his family… And I returned to nobody.” Wanda swallowed the lump in her throat.

“Your body was rotting on Vormir. And no one even bothered to held a funeral for you just because they were preoccupied with Tony Stark who snapped his little fingers.”

In Natasha’s universe, Wanda hadn’t gone snapped. During those 5 years they had build a life together. The significant difference between their lost was Wanda had not only lost Natasha, but also the time with her.

“Wanda…”

“You’ll destroy me if you leave.” Wanda whispered. Her lips were quivering and her breath was uneven.

“You are my goddess, Wanda.”

“Then come back to me, bring back a fraction of the breath you take because I can’t live another day where you are not near.”

-The song-

I think this song talks about a lover that broke up and the other still wants them back. It's a little different to this fic but meh it works. (I may be trying to gtfo of this country, but goddamn do we make great sad ass songs😩🤌)

Separuh Nafas - Dewa 19

Original lyrics: Separuh nafasku Terbang bersama dirimu Saat kau tinggalkanku Salahkanku Salahkah aku Bila aku bukanlah Seperti aku yang dahulu Kau hancurkan diriku Bila kau tinggalkan aku Kau dewiku Kembalilah padaku Bawa separuh nafasku Kau dewiku

Translated lyrics: A portion of my breath Flew away with you When you left me Put the blame on me Am I wrong If I'm not the same person as I used to be You'll break me If you leave me You are my goddess Come back to me Bring back a fraction of my breath You are my goddess

#natasha romanoff #wandanat #wanda maximoff #natasha #wanda x natasha #wlw #wanda #wandanat angst #scarlet widow #scarletwidow #natasha x wanda #wandanat fic #wandanat fanfic #wandanat fanfiction #mcu sapphic #scarletwidow angst

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readingsquotes · 1 month ago

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To recognize Palestinians are human has become a flashpoint, a red line to not be crossed in Washington discourse, an invitation to be tagged as an antisemite, whether by your cousin at a Passover seder or by a network morning news anchor on live national television (more on that later). The Discourse tells us there is a “Palestinian-Israeli conflict” and that it is “complicated.” But somewhere in this word soup we have simmered long enough to deflect attention from how power works, who benefits from it and who loses everything, the remaining goop to be scraped from the bottom of the pot can no longer be accurately conveyed as “conflict” but instead a stark, wrong binary between Palestinian existence and a broad definition of antisemitism, which if we choose as a society to accept, will only serve to drive us deeper into the void.

This week, I was horrified to witness one such attempt to drag a reasonable and humane person into this toxic abyss, in the form of what was supposed to be an interview of award-winning writer, thinker, and journalist Ta-Nehisi Coates by CBS Mornings’ Tony Dokoupil. Whatever promise of reasoned discourse producers may have made to Coates when they booked him for the show instantly vanished for the audience the moment Dokoupil started questioning the author. Dokoupil opened his questioning with a bizarrely aggressive monologue that patronized Coates by calling his book extreme and positing that it only could have been produced by someone who harbors ill will toward Jewish people.

“No country in this world establishes its ability to exist through rights. Countries establish their abilities to exist through force, as America did,” Coates told Dokoupil. “Israel does exist. It’s a fact. The question of its right is not a question I would be faced with, with any other country.

“There’s nothing that offends me about a Jewish state. I am offended by the idea of states built on ethnocracy, no matter where they are,” Coates continued.

To me, Coates’s calm in the face of the anchor’s aggression and willful misinterpretation of his work reminded me of the Passover parable of the four sons. In it, we are instructed on how to explain the story of the journey from Jewish enslavement to freedom to a son who does not even know how to ask a question, and our clear articulation to him of the meaning of freedom is what opens up our deepest understanding of the truth.

...

We have watched Israel kill civilians, parents, children, doctors, aid workers, journalists, and many more, ostensibly in the name of Judaism but more likely in the furtherance of Benjamin Netanyahu’s craven political career—and ultimately in the abandonment of every value our religion and basic human rights should uphold.

....

We’re waiting for similar reparations from another television news outlet that engaged in similar slander. A week prior to Coates’s on-air mugging, Representative Rashida Tlaib was baselessly smeared on CNN, with anchor Jake Tapper fabricating comments from Tlaib to frame a “gotcha” question for Michigan Governor Gretchen Whitmer, trying to get Whitmer to condemn Tlaib as antisemitic for something she never said.

But on a deeper, darker level, CNN’s refusal to interrogate why it is allowed to comb every word Tlaib says for antisemitism while never having to confront whether wrongly and constantly accusing Tlaib of antisemitism—a serious accusation!—is Islamophobic is part and parcel with our society’s refusal to recognize Palestinians as full people. Because if Palestinians do not get to exist fully in the world, then certainly the first Palestinian woman elected to Congress cannot enjoy the full benefits and privileges afforded to every other member of the House of Representatives.

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queen-of-the-avengers · 11 months ago

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Iron Man 2: Part Three

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.9k

Warnings: canon violence and angst

Author’s Note: any and all comments are appreciated <3

After the press conference, you and Tony headed back to his house in Malibu. You need some space from Tony so you head down to his lab and sit in silence. Tony is dying and there is nothing you can do about it. You promised Howard you'd look after him but how can you when he won't accept it? Thinking about Howard brings you to Steve and how you wish he was here. Thinking about Steve brings you to Bucky and how much you'd give your life to have him here with you. It doesn't matter what you do, you can't ever escape his ghost.

How can you help Tony without knowing anything about science? You know nothing about Palladium or what could it be replaced with. Markus created the serum inside you. Even when he didn't have the Tesseract, he still made you a shapeshifter. You've met a lot of aliens in your day but you never asked to know about their genetic makeup—not even Carol. Bruce wanted your help with his creation of the Hulk but you really didn't know how to help except be there for moral support.

The thought of losing Tony brings back all those unpleasant memories of when you lose the people closest to you. Tony's impulsive and he's the only person who can make him see that what he's doing is dangerous and reckless.

"Hey, what are you doing?" Tony asks when he walks into the lab. In response, you hold up the blood toxicity device. There are no words to amount to how sad you are. "I wouldn't worry too much about it."

"Can't you be serious for one fucking second? Please?"

"Fine! I'm dying. People die, Y/N! You of all people should know that."

"Not you," you shake your head. "Not this young. The only reason you're dying is because of that thing in your chest."

"So, it's my fault we got captured in the first place? It's my fault for having deadly shrapnel in my heart?"

"No, Tony, it's not your fault. It's not your fault you're dying. What is your fault is having that thing in your chest and doing nothing about it. You're just accepting your end when you might have a chance to do something about it. I'm trying to think of a suitable replacement for Palladium, but you're not making it easy for me. It's not like I can go back in time to gather more information. It's like you're not even trying to become better. You're acting out because you think it's the end when it doesn't have to be."

"Look at what you are, Y/N. You're an alien with magical powers. If you don't have anything, what makes you think I do?"

"You remind me of me, Tony. I've been with you and your family for twenty years. I've seen you grow and learn from your mistakes faster than anyone. I may have defeated one person from making a huge mistake, but you've saved millions. If we put our heads together, we might have something. I need you to work with me on this."

"Give me one good reason I should."

"I'm the one that promised your dad that I'd protect you."

"Not good enough."

"In my entire life, I've lost seven people that were practically family. Hell, two of them were. I'm a thousand years old, Tony. Death is kind of in the job description. I bleed death and only seven have made an impact. Eight if you continue down this road. There will come a day when I lose you but it's not going to be now. Please don't make it now."

"What else am I supposed to do?" he sighs, throwing his hands up in frustration.

"For starters, you can keep drinking that disgusting shit Jarvis told you to drink. Then we go from there. Baby steps, but I need you to put in the effort."

"Jarvis, how many ounces a day of this shit am I supposed to drink?" Tony addresses his home system.

His entire computer network fires up and Jarvis is ready to help and to work. Since he's a computer, he came up with this concoction that counteracts the effects the palladium has on Tony.

"We are up to eighty ounces a day to counteract the symptoms, sir."

"Check palladium levels, please," you politely order.

"Blood toxicity is twenty-four percent. It appears that the continued use of the Iron Man suit is accelerating your condition. Another core has been depleted."

Tony plops down in his chair and you grab the small chest that's near his main computer. You open it to reveal five new cores just waiting to be replaced with the one in his chest. Tony lifts his shirt up and takes out the arc reactor. Out pops a rusted and slightly smoking core. It's not good to have this thing in his body, but it's going to take a lot more than you to change his mind.

He's stubborn, just like his dad.

"God, they're running out quick."

"Yeah, because you keep using that fucking machine. You're not going to live forever, Tony. There will be a point where you'll run out of juice."

"It seems like you live forever."

"I'll die just like everyone else. It'll take a few thousand years before it happens, but it will."

"I have run simulations on every known element, and none can serve as a viable replacement for the palladium core," Jarvis informs.

You hand Tony a new core. It's silver and shiny but most importantly, it shows just how damaging it is to Tony when compared to the one that just came out. He replaces the old core with the new one and places the arc reactor in his chest.

"Jarvis, there has to be something. Even knowing where I'm from, you have to know something."

"Unfortunately not, Miss Y/N. He is running out of both time and options. Unfortunately, the device that's keeping him alive is also killing him."

All around the arc reactor are lines protruding from the device itself. It looks like a digital game of Tetris, but you know it's the poison from the element seeping into his bloodstream.

Pepper walks down the stairs to the lab without knowing what's going on inside of it.

"Miss Potts is approaching. I recommend that you inform her--"

"Mute," Tony cuts him off and the computer switches to the screensaver.

"Tony, you really have to tell her. What's going to happen when you're suddenly gone? She's going to start asking questions and I--"

"Is this a joke?" Pepper interrupts when she walks inside. "What are you thinking?"

"What is it?" you ask.

"What are you thinking?" she sniffles.

"Hey, I'm thinking I'm busy and you're angry about something. Do you have the sniffles? I don't want to get sick."

"Did you just donate our entire modern art collection to the..."

"...Boy Scouts of America?" Tony says it with her at the exact same time.

"You did what?" you ask in shock.

"Yes. It is a worthwhile organization. I didn't physically check the crates but basically, yes. Plus, it's not our collection, it's my collection. No offense," he shrugs.

"No, you know what? I think I'm actually entitled to say our collection considering the time that I put in, over ten years, curating that."

"It was a tax write-off. I needed that."

"Tony, stop," you whisper but he ignores you.

See, this is what you're talking about. He's dying and he feels like giving away all of his shit is better than actually dealing with his problems like a mature adult.

"You know, there's only about eight thousand and eleven things that I really need to talk to you about. The Expo is a gigantic waste of time," she coughs into her elbow.

"I need you to wear a surgical mask until you're feeling better. Is that okay?"

"That's rude," she sighs.

"Yeah, I agree with her," you cross your arms.

"There's nothing more important to me than the Expo. It's my primary point of concern. I don't know why you're--"

"The Expo is your ego gone crazy," you say for Pepper.

Tony's mind is clearly elsewhere because when he spots one of his Iron Man paintings, he picks it up and marvels at it.

"Wow. Look at that. That's modern art. That's going up," he grins and walks to the other side of the lab. You and Pepper make eye contact before following him like lost puppies. "I'm gonna put this up right now. This is vital."

"You've got to be kidding me," you groan.

"Stark Industries is in complete disarray. Do you understand that?" Pepper tries to put this in his thick head.

"No. Our stocks have never been higher."

"Yes, from a managerial standpoint--"

"Let's move to another subject," he shrugs.

He approaches one of his lab tables and climbs on top of it. On the wall next to him is a painting of a thick black line then been sold for millions. You can create something better than that in your sleep but you don't comment on it. He reaches for the painting and Pepper visibly freaks out.

"No, no, no, no. You are not taking down the Barnett Newman and hanging that up."

"I'm not taking it down. I'm just replacing it."

He takes it off the wall and replaces it with the Iron Man painting.

"Okay, fine. My point is, we have already awarded contracts to the wind farm people," Pepper changes the subject.

"Yeah. Don't say 'wind farm'. I'm already feeling gassy."

"Not to mention the plastic plantation tree, which was your idea by the way. Those people are on payroll..."

"Everything was my idea," he scoffs.

"...and you won't make a decision," she finishes even though he interrupted her mid-sentence.

"I don't care about the liberal agenda anymore. It's boring. Boring. I'm giving you a boring alert," he jumps off the desk and onto the floor. "You do it. Excellent idea. I just figured this out. You run the company."

"Yeah, I'm trying to run the company," she sighs.

"Well, stop trying to do it and do it."

"You won't give me the information..."

"I'm not asking you to try..."

"...in order to..."

"I'm asking you to physically do it. I need you to do it," Tony says louder than her to stop her from talking.

"I am trying to do it!"

"Pepper, you're not listening to me!"

"No, you aren't listening to me," she argues in frustration.

"I'm trying to make you CEO. Why won't you let me?" he asks calmly.

"Have you been drinking?" she asks after a moment of silence.

"No, that's just his personality," you scoff.

"I hereby irrevocably appoint you chairman and CEO of Stark Industries effective immediately. Yeah, done deal. Okay? I've actually given this a fair amount of thought, believe it or not."

One of the robots brings him a tray with a bottle of champagne and three glasses on it.

"I'm doing a bit of headhunting, so to speak, trying to figure out who a worthy successor would be. I realized it was you. It's always been you," he says sincerely.

Even though you're not romantically involved with Tony, you feel a ping in your heart at his words. It's always been you. It's always been you, Bucky. You have got to move on. The man is dead for God's sake, and it's been over seventy years. Pepper sits down in shock and confusion, and Tony pours the champagne into the three glasses.

"I thought there'd be a legal issue but I'm capable of appointing my successor. My successor being you." He hands both you and Pepper a drink but you can't seem to take a sip. "Congratulations? Take it, just take it."

"I don't know what to think," she finally says.

"Don't think, drink," he smiles and takes a sip of his own drink.

Will you ever find love like he has for her? Will you ever find love with someone who will last longer than eight years? Maybe if Carol never left, you'd still be with her. Would she still want you? Would you still want her? You haven't had true happiness since Bucky died. Will you ever find it again?

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