#and losing a child is one of the most painful things ever

[alexanderwales]

When I was nine years old, my grandfather died.

He was a life long smoker, and lung cancer got him. He died slowly in a hospital bed that had been brought into their house, and we made the trip so South Dakota as a family to watch him die.

He couldn't move on his own. He was weak and wasting away, and they needed to periodically turn him so he wouldn't get bed sores. I had never heard of bed sores before that, and I was scared of them, of the mere concept that someone could be so immobilized that their body would start to ache. His skin was thin and translucent, showing every liver spot and wrinkle in bold, and his eyes were sunken in. There was a smell of death and disinfectant in the house, warring for my nostrils.

My parents were going through a divorce at the time, so my dad wasn't with us. My grandfather, on his deathbed, told me that he wanted me to change my last name to be my mother's. It was important to him. He was leaning forward, using his limited strength to be emphatic, dry mouth forming the words.

It's kind of a fucked up deathbed request. I didn't end up doing it, mostly because I was nine, and as I grew older I started to resent the request, which had sat very heavy with me when I was little.

His sons built his coffin in the driveway. My grandfather was a woodworker, among other things, and it was their way of honoring him, but they also argued during the course of the building, and I didn't like the sounds of the power tools or the nails being driven in. It was a very plain coffin, I remember, and I always wondered where the idea to make it using his tools, in the driveway had come from. Symbolically, I guess there's something there, building the vessel of death, but at the time it just felt really off-putting and morbid.

My aunt was a doctor, and she was doing most of the work of taking care of him, helping to rotate his body, double-checking the medications, making sure that he was as comfortable as he could be.

But my grandfather made her a deathbed request to her too, and it was that she kill him. That's a lot to ask from your own child, and moreso because she could have lost her ability to practice medicine if anyone found out, but I also thought ... I don't know, that someone else should have done it? He was in pain, and not always lucid, but he'd made his request, and we were all waiting on him to die.

And so I thought, at nine years old, that I would do it, find some way to grant at least that wish, to end his suffering.

I didn't end up doing that either, because I was little.

I didn't know my grandfather all that well, because he died when I was young. We built a wooden toy together when I was seven, before he'd gotten so sick, and he gave me some wood carving tools that I never used. He had been a farmer before he lost the farm, and losing that farm was one of those things that echoed through my mom's childhood, but I don't remember him ever talking about it. He was a conscientious objector in World War II, because he was a Mennonite, but unlike my other grandfather, I don't remember him every telling me any stories about it.

I think overall it's good to let kids know that people die, to not shield them from it completely, but I don't think I endorse putting a child that close to death, not for so much time, or at least not a child like me.

(If you've read some of my fiction, you might recognize this as a very similar to something Juniper says in Worth the Candle, and yes, that part of the book, like many others, is roughly autobiographical.)

[padfootastic]

I feel like I'm gonna combust.

James dies in fifth year.

What do his parents do? His father works in the DMLE and I have no idea if his mother has a job (can you tell me?). What is their course of action?

Are they going to sue the school for the loss of James or Snape personally? I feel like they have a pretty solid argument for sacking (punishing) dumbledore or sending Snape to Azkaban.

And I that which ever they choose, the would get easily.

Or do they have a big enough heart to forgive Snape, and Dumbledore? Ik Albus hasn't done much wrong, but if a dark curse has been made and used (killing a pureblood- even if it is a blood traitor), dumbledore will be blamed, or could be, right? And they (Potters) would have enough money and power to get their compensation, in whichever way they take it, wouldn't they?

I wonder about Sirius too, but I these are some, that, as far as I know, haven't been asked and it's intresting side for me. Like we know Sirius and lots quality from head to toe but all we know about his parents are that the are old, rich and loving. And that they have a big heart.

hello hello hello! can i just say,,,i love ur questions bc literally the same things go thru my mind lol it’s why i spend so long on worldbuilding (often the unnecessary kind too lol)

let’s take this one by one:

1. i…don’t know of flea was in the DMLE actually? 🤔 wasn’t he a potioneer? and no, i don’t think we have anything for effie but idk why, i like to think she’s a socialite with like. an enchanting business on the side? (v random ik lol but it’s fun) i’m also gonna plead the fifth on this one since i…might include it in the fic and i’ve got a few options i wanna go with there (depending on how i do the macro characterisation for the —are they ruthless, forgiving, more upset than angry etc etc)

2. definitely think they’ll take action against the school, tho, regardless of however they choose to deal w snape personally! they’re def the type to hold authorities responsible for their actions (and lack of) and i do think they’ll push for some outcome pretty hard. idk about getting dumbledore sacked bc,,,if he’s the only one who can keep the school safe during voldy’s rise… not sure that’ll happen.

3. i do err on the side of wealthy potters so i think they’ll have enough money for whichever route they take. i tend to think of them as like…new money types who’ve earned through inventing and travelling? so they earn a lot, and spend on fun things, and it’s a constant cycle. but they don’t have the kind of…historical prestige that the ‘old families’ do tho they enjoy a nice enough reputation.

i haven’t said a lot here, but i do think that a part of them will be diverted towards taking care of sirius as well, because i firmly believe they considered him a second son and they can see how much it’s affecting them and fhey’re the only other ones who get it, right, how devastating the loss of james potter can be. that being said, i find it very, very possible that they’ might ‘die of a broken heart’ and i don’t say that all that lightly. from what we get: james is a surprise child after years of trying to elderly parents. he enjoys a level of pampering and spoiling and unconditional adoration that’s far above the normal avg amount a child gets, imo, and i think after he was born, his parents poured everything of themselves into him. james was effie and flea’s entire world, and they never hesitated in showing it. i totally see them as the kind of overprotective, almost helicopter, parents who panic when their child gets even a scratch on their body—so for him to die? for them to bury their child they wished for so strongly and celebrated as much as they were able to? it’s the definition of heartbreaking. it’s so, so painful, and neither of them would be able to get out of the bed for days or even keep so much as a piece of toast down or do anything, really, for a while.

when they find out the news, effie lets out the most gut wrenching, grief-filled scream, falling to her knees. flea tries to hold onto her but he’s even weaker and both of them just. sink to the ground over their baby boy’s body. not one person had a dry eye around them. no one has seen such a level of shame on dumbledore or mcgonagall’s face before. it might be the first time snape realises the *magnitude* of his actions.

[misstwisted]

I can confidently say Lyle Menendez is one of the bravest men in the entire world, and I am so fucking aggravated with how the show has portrayed him.

Imagine you spent all your life trying to protect your baby brother from the abuse you suffered from, just for it to happen anyways.

And all this time you try so hard to put aside your pain and be strong for him, knowing he looks up to you, and knowing you are the only person in the world who can protect him from the two monsters in your life. Two monsters who happen to be the two people you’re supposed to trust the most.

And you are losing your hair from stress, and losing your brother due to your father, and losing your feelings of safety because your parents are a ticking time bomb that have been ready to go off your whole life.

So you do the one thing you think is the best option, and you and your brother shoot them dead.

And later on, you are put in a court room, having to discuss and relive all the terrible things that have ever happened to you in front of all these strangers and media cameras staring at you.

And your brother is there. Your brother who’ve you tried to hide the pain from for so long is across from you as you have to recount the vile things that have happened to you. And you have to watch him cry while you’re trying to keep yourself together.

Then later on, you guys get sentenced to life for trying to make sure you both get to live another day. And you’re forced to spend your mid 20s, to 30s, to 40s, and now 50s in prison, not getting to see your brother for decades until 2018.

And you know what you get out of it? You know what your payment is for suffering your entire life? For carrying the world on your shoulders for years ever since you were a kid?

You get portrayed as a psychopathic, egotistic, idiotic asshole in a show made by the creator of glee. You are constantly made fun of for your hair loss and the fact you have to wear a toupee, and you’re written as a completely devoid of empathy and unfeeling monster, who treats his brother like shit and only cares about himself. You are also being sexualized to death, and with your own brother as well.

Oh, and not to mention: the show basically says you FAKED your emotions and tears in court. Yeah, that time you were at your most vulnerable and bravely telling your abuse story even when you knew a lot of people wouldn’t understand? Fake! Totally and utterly fake. Apparently you were the actor in your family all along…

Lyle has been treated like shit his entire life. He was a child, a BABY when his parents started violating him. He didn’t even know how to ride a bike yet when it started. He barely had the chance for life yet. Please, media, leave this man and his brother alone. I NEVER wanna see this portrayal of Lyle again.

Unless I talk about how I finished the Netflix show, one last time: Fuck you Ryan Murphy. And stop doing this to victims. Stop disrespecting them.

[really-fanny-longbottom]

never yours

summary: azriel never regretted his decisions so much like he does right now.

warnings: angst (like a lot), fluff (also a lot because we need a balance)

pairings: azriel x reader, azriel x elain, lucien x reader

words: 6.1k

you were born in day court during the longest and the warmest day of the year — summer solstice.

even though it's not a custom to exchange gifts on that holiday, your parents always told you that you were their greatest gift and that the sun shined brighter that day like he knew that you would be entering this world very soon. 

your father was helion's best and longest friend, and he had a place in his court as his second in command and advisor. 

your mother was the lead healer of the court. she was one of the most powerful and talented healers of prythian, being a very close second to madja. 

due to your parents' jobs, you grew up in the day court palace and close to helion, who didn't just happen to be your high lord but also your godfather. 

your parents reconsider that maybe making helion your godfather had been a mistake because of how much he spoiled you.

on your 4th birthday, he gave you a black baby pegasus as a present, which you decided to name him blackjack.

when he discovered that you liked reading, he had a private library built in your room with all kinds of books.

when you were seven and heard an old male saying that females should only wear dresses, you only wore pants for the next three months and of course, helion made sure you had every type of pants at your disposal. 

when your parents tried to scold him, he just scoffed with his only response being, 'she's my goddaughter. what else am I supposed to do?' with a big grin plastered in his face.

you weren't helion's child, but he always treated you like one, and that never changed, especially after your parents' death. 

your favorite thing about your parents was their mating bond. after you learned that mates are rare and a blessing, it made every single thing about your parents' love even more unique and pure.

you saw first hand what true love is really like. you saw how much they loved, cared, supported, and protected each other.

you saw loyalty and honesty in their deepest forms. seeing your parents' mating bond made you wish to the stars for a mate, and that one day, you would be blessed enough to find him. 

but you also saw how deep a mating bond could go — you saw it first hand, too.

you saw it when your mother died after getting infected by a rare disease while trying to help her patients.

her death destroyed your father. the pain and the grief of losing your mother — his mate, and the love of his life were so big that your father followed her into the next life a few days later, so they could start their next journey together.

before he died, your father made helion promise him that he would take care of you, which he agreed without hesitation.

he became more protective of you. he couldn't stop thinking how unfair it was for you to lose your parents at such a young age, only eleven years old, when helion had them for centuries.

your godfather made sure to provide you with anything you needed from the best education to the best clothes, and when your healing powers start manifesting and you decide to follow your mother's steps, helion called in a favor to thesan to see if he could teach you himself.

the high lord of dawn was happy to accept, and so were you at the thought of having him as your teacher.

you moved to dawn court for a year where you learned everything about being a healer, not only with the high lord himself but also with his best healers. 

you became one of the best — talented, powerful, gifted, and wise. just like your mother.

madja was looking for an apprentice at the time you returned to day, and when she heard about your skills, she asked for you.

rhysand reached out to helion with madja's offer — you would be her apprentice, work in the clinic with her but you would also assist her if she ever needed to go to a patient's residence, and would learn everything she could teach you. 

it wasn't needed to convince you to agree. you had heard about madja and her healing, after thesan, she was the healer you wanted to work with the most, so of course you were more than happy to have a chance to have her as your mentor.

rhysand added that you would be welcome to stay in one of his personal residences, the house of wind, during your stay in velaris.

you were only supposed to stay in the night court for a year, but that was before you met the shadowsinger. 

however, despite wanting the apprenticeship more than anything, if you had known what would happen when you agreed to go to the night court, you would never have accepted the offer.

•••

azriel couldn't sleep.

no matter how much he tried, he couldn't. not with tomorrow so close, not when he knew what was waiting for him in the morning. 

the past was haunting him tonight, his thoughts hadn't stopped since he had been informed earlier of tomorrow's meeting.

so now, here he was, trying to keep his eyes open even though his body was protesting for him to do the opposite.

but he was fighting that need because every time he closed his eyes, you were all he saw.

your beautiful face with your sparkling eyes, your smooth hair, your pointy ears, your sweet voice, and your soft laughter.

you were haunting his thoughts like a punishment for all those years ago. 

so all he could do now was to sit on the edge of his balcony with his legs hanging off while waiting for the sun to be born, and remember how things used to be before he destroyed everything.

 •••

everything was perfect in the beginning.

velaris was beautiful, the people were kind, and the pastries were absolutely delicious. 

the only thing you actually missed, besides helion, was the warmth of the sun like no other court had but the day court — that was just the day citizen in you talking.

your apprenticeship was going amazing. you and madja had instantly connected, and you were learning so much.

two weeks later, you were already attending your own patients without supervision.

you really had a gift, and every time madja complimented your powers, you gave all the credits to your genes — to your mom.

it warmed your heart knowing that the mother had blessed you with this part of her. In this way, it felt like she was always with you.

the house of wind felt just like home, and you adjusted perfectly.

the inner circle had welcomed you with open arms, and you got along with everyone. they thought you and mor would be the closest of all, but they got a big surprise when it turned out to be you and azriel.

the shadowsinger was different from everyone you ever met.

everyone in day was so loud, extroverted and open.

but not him.

he was calm, reserved, and difficult to read, but with time, you ended up finding out that the two of you were more alike than you thought. you were able to go through the shell that azriel had so perfectly built around him over the centuries. 

a friendship was born.

every day, qzriel would fly you to the clinic and then back to the house. you explored velaris together and made your personal mission to try every single restaurant and bakery from the city of starlight. 

you walked along the sidra and even stopped once in a while to dance along the melodies that the musicians were playing. you would read together whether that was in the library, in your room, or in his. you even started training with him and sometimes, cassian.

you became each other's person. 

when a day at the clinic was hard or you would lose a patient, he was there to hug and comfort you, and you found yourself doing the same for him about his missions.

so you decided to take the next step and spoke about your parents' death, how much still affected you losing them.

and in that moment, azriel realized how much trust you put in him, so he decided to return it and opened about his past, his family, and his hands. you listened to every word, cleaned every tear, and held him for as long as he needed.

tou found yourself falling in love with him a little more day by day, and it only took you a few months to realize that you were completely in love.

the day the bond snapped was one of the happiest days of your life.

it happened during the most beautiful celebration in the night court — starfall.

your hair was tied in a long braid that reached down to your waist, decorating the braid were small yellow daylilies.

you were wearing a golden dress that fit perfectly against your sun-kissed skin. the dress had a slit on the left side that went up to the top of your thigh, a single strap held the dress on your right shoulder and when you turned around, whoever was behind you could have a perfect view of your naked back.

golden jewels rested on your ears and neck. 

you looked like a goddess — one blessed by the sun itself.

you were shining just like a day court citizen should.

azriel standed next to you in the balcony while gazing at the spirits passing.

both of your hands rested on the stone of the balcony, and when you went to adjust your hand, it brushed against azriel's.

at the new feeling, you looked up to find his eyes, only to see the shadowsinger already looking at you.

in that moment, with the touching of your hands and the meeting of your eyes, the world stopped.

your hands start interviewing, and everything else just disappeared.

it was just the two of you and the sound of your heartbeats. and then, a golden thread appeared and started tying your hearts and souls.

azriel held your free hand and pressed it against his own chest, right where his heart laid.

you followed his action, freeing your intertwined hands and putting his hand on your chest, above your heart. 

with the final loop of the golden thread around your hearts, azriel bent down and kissed you. 

that moment couldn't be more beautiful and magical even if you tried.

you had finally found the mate that you had wished to the stars all those years ago. 

everything was perfect.

you had everything you wanted and more.

you lived in a beautiful city that you learned to love and were starting to call it home. 

you had the job of your life, working alongside one of your idols. 

amazing friends that made you feel welcomed and part of a little family.

and finally, your mate, the male you were in love with, long before that beautiful and sacred golden thread.

everything was perfect.

but of course, nothing lasts forever.

and all of that disappeared when elain archeron came into the picture.

•••

ten years.

he couldn't believe that much time had passed. all those years without you.

it had been ten years since the last time he saw you.

ten years since he had heard something regarding you.

ten years since he had broken your heart.

and ten years since he had made the biggest mistake of his entire existence.

you had moved back to day court after that day, after what happened and after what he did. 

the high lord of day had forbidden azriel from seeing you and from trying to contact you in any way.

and months later, when the rumors of a certain shadowsinger flying above the palace in hopes to get a glimpse of you reached his ears, helion banned him from his court.

helion had always been a very charismatic and loving person.

he's kind, generous, and a very good friend. He gets along with almost everyone, always joking around and laughing. 

some people may say that he's the nicest and kindest high lord that prythian has ever seen. 

when problems arise, he always tries to find a solution to solve them or if a solution is not possible, a way to improve them.

but not this time.

not when it comes to you and his son — Lucien.

because your heart wasn't the only one to be shattered that day.

no.

lucien's heart was a victim, too.

so, from that moment, everything that helion did was to protect you and lucien.

to make sure that you felt safe, that you had space and time to heal.

azriel's banishment wasn't the only consequence from the events of that day.

that day also cost the alliance between the day court and the night court, and when the alliance fell apart, so did helion and rhysand's friendship.

but azriel wasn't the only one to blame for all of this.

elain archeron was guilty, too.

she, too, was banished from the day court and forbidden to contact lucien in any way.

but unlike azriel, elain's actions cause far more consequences than his. 

the autumn court followed the same decisions as the day court.

the banishment of azriel and elain and the prohibition of any kind of contact with lucien.

eris, now the new high lord of the autumn court after beron's death, didn't take lightly to what happened to his little brother. 

the two of them had reconnected after eris became high lord.

they talked through everything that had happened in the last centuries, made peace with their past, and decided to move forward together.

now, the brothers were inseparable and had the kind of relationship they had always wanted since they were younger.

so when eris heard what had happened, he considered those actions as a personal attack. 

he went as far as to offer lucien the opportunity to choose the blood duel, which his little brother refused, saying that all of this had already caused enough pain.

eris wasn't angry just because of lucien.

he was angry because of you, too.

you were the first person to give him the benefit of the doubt, the first one to not judge him and unlike the others you tried to get to know him, to be his friend and he let you. 

6ou were the first one to know the real eris, to know what he hid behind the mask.

therefore, you had a special place in his heart. even if you didn't share the same blood, you were part of his family.

but that didn't stop with day and autumn. spring joined them, too. 

despite everything that happened and the fact that they were still working on their friendship, tamlin's loyalty remained with lucien.

spring had been lucien's home for decades, and with that came a brotherhood between the two of them. 

needless to mention that jurian and vassa's loyalties also remained with lucien.

to everyone outside the situation, all of this may seem overreacted and exaggerated.

but to everyone involved, it's not.

after all, you and lucien almost died.

that's what happens when a mating bond is rejected.

•••

azriel couldn't believe things had turned out this way.

he was so sure that the cauldron was wrong, that he belonged with Elain.

three sisters for three brothers.

how more poetic could it be?

there were signals everywhere.

feyre with rhysand.

nesta with cassian.

elain with him.

elain wouldn't go close to lucien or talk to him, but she would sit next to him whether during dinners or on the couch, she would talk to him, and requested his company when she went to the garden or to the city.

even his shadows disappeared every time he was with her.

weren't those signals clear enough?

they were meant to be.

the cauldron was wrong. 

so azriel did what he thought was right.

he rejected the mating bond with you, and elain did the same with lucien. 

he never thought that the rejection of the bond would've almost cost your life.

that memory still gave him nightmares to this day.

how pale you turned, how you sank to your knees with your hand pressed against your chest, tears running free down your cheeks and muffled screams leaving your lips.

how much pain you had suffered and how he had been the cause of it.

how once, not that long ago, he had been the reason for your smiles, laughs, and giggles.

but that memory wasn't his.

it was rhysand's.

rhys, who had to go through your mind shields, and knock you unconscious so the pain would stop and that memory led him to another memory. 

the memory of that day and the things that had followed after he shattered your heart.

•••

azriel wasn't there the moment it happened.

no, he was too busy kissing elain after admitting how much they craved each other. 

and while he kissed elain, he felt that golden thread tying the two of you breaking and start slowly to disappear.

nothing could have prepared him for that last memory of you when he and elain were summoned to the river house a few hours later.

rhys had shown him not as a courtesy but as a lesson of how much his actions can affect others.

but you weren't just some other.

you were his mate — former mate.

azriel made a move to go find you.

he needed to explain it to you, and he needed you to understand, but you were already gone.

rhys told him that after you regained consciousness, lucien took you with him back to day court. 

lucien.

who you had become instantly friends with since the male's arrival in velaris.

you had treated him just like you were when you moved to the night court.

you showed him the city, the good restaurants and the best pastries, and also told him about Helion, now that he knew the high lord was his father and he was his heir.

you wanted him to feel like home, just like you did. 

when Azriel made his intentions clear to go to day and find you, rhys showed him the letter helion had sent.

the one that forbidden him from seeing you and from trying to contact you in any way.

the one that also had the same indications to elain regarding lucien.

and that if any of them tried to disobey his orders, there would be consequences.

azriel knew of protective the male was of you and that he would do anything to protect his family, so for a split second, azriel found himself fearing the high lord. 

rhysand also ordered them to stay away from the two of you, stating that they had already created enough problems and the night court could not afford a war with day. 

after they left his office, rhys sat down on his chair, trying to think how he was gonna solve this.

his mind kept going back to you and lucien. 

he was there when lucien came for you.

the red headed male was also pale and every few minutes, his hand would press to his chest in pain, his eyes were still red, probably from the tears he had shed.

rhys knew that Helion's letter wouldn't be the only one he would receive that day.

and like he was right, three more letters arrived during it.

first from autumn, then spring and the last one from the band of exiles. 

rhys passed a hand through his black hair and released a long sigh.

azriel and elain actions had just cost four allies to the night court.

•••

when you and lucien arrived in day, helion almost fell to his knees at your sight.

you were in lucien's arms, your eyes half open with tears still following down your cheeks.

one of your hands was against your chest, rubbing small circles in a way of trying to get rid of the pain.

lucien wasn't much better.

helion headed towards you and started examining you for injuries, but he found nothing.

when confusion made his way to his features, Lucien told him everything.

the confusion was replaced by anger, but the anger wasn't just directed towards the shadowsinger and the middle archeron sister.

some of it was towards himself. 

towards himself, because seeing you like that, helion felt that he had broken the promise he made to your dad and that this was his fault.

without giving time for any more thoughts to fill his mind, helion led lucien to your room, where the heir laid you on the bed.

you had fallen asleep in his arms with your cheeks still stained. 

lucien sat on the chair by your desk that was placed in front of your bed and said to Helion that he would stay with you.

helion gave him a firm nod, remembering that lucien didn't have a room yet in his palace, but he was about to fix that.

helion didn't waste any time after making sure that the two of you were okay for now. 

he called two of his servants to prepare a room for the young heir and went straight to his office where he wrote the letter and sent it to rhysand.

the next week's were a complicated ones but showed that time was the best healer. 

you no longer spend the days locked in your room alone.

you started to eat properly again and went back to work.

day by day, you were smiling more, sometimes making jokes.

lucien improved as well.

he decided to live in the day court for the time being and took his place as helion's second in command.

his relationship with helion was also getting stronger over time.

they were making up for the lost time.

but that wasn't the only thing that changed. your relationship with lucien also changed.

you got closer than ever, due to the fact you were the only ones who knew what the other was going through.

you found comfort in each other's presence and started spending more time together to the point where you became each other's favorite person. 

little by little, you start helping each other heal.

you started putting back together the pieces that had been broken, and the pain started slowly fading until the day that it didn't hurt anymore.

you two mended your hearts and souls, and for the first time, in a long time, you were full again.

your friendship grew, and so did your feelings for each other.

•••

azriel couldn't believe how wrong he had been.

because the cauldron wasn't wrong, it had never been wrong. 

he was the one who was wrong — right from the beginning.

he and elain had tried a relationship after yours and lucien's departure.

it worked for six months until it didn't.

azriel questioned himself why the relationship was starting to fail and why being with elain was starting to feel wrong.

it didn't take him too long to understand the reason. It was because she wasn't you.

he found out that the reason his shadows disappear every time he was with elain wasn't because they were destined but because they were with you. 

his shadows would leave him and elain to go find you, like they were stating that they wouldn't betray you, that they chose you.

on the day he broke up with elain, he found his shadows in your old room, which once was filled with colors, books, paintings, and light, and now was empty, dusty, and dark.

the shadows were swimming around your starfall dress — the one you wore on the day your bond had snapped.

the sight of the dress was painful, and he understood why it had been left behind.

azriel had tried to apologize.

he flew to day court and around the palace trying to find you but he never did and the next day helion sent a letter with his and elain's banishment, making autumn and spring to make the same decision. 

he understood why.

they were trying to protect you and lucien, and even though he didn't have the right, he just wanted to know if you were okay.

he asked rhys several times if he knew something about you, and thys revealed to him that you weren't talking to him or the other members of the inner circle either.

you had stated that it was too early and still very painful. 

so they respected your decision and kept their distance. 

that had caused azriel's guilt to grow even more.

how he wished for nesta to still have her powers so he could go back in time and repair all of this.

the light of the sun broke his thoughts.

the sun was finally making its appearance in the orange and yellow sky. 

azriel released a long breath and looked at the clock perched on his bedroom wall. 

the morning was here, and he was only two hours away from seeing you.

•••

the inner circle stood at the entrance of the day court palace. 

helion had lifted the banishment for this meeting with yours and lucien consent.

both of you said that it had been a long time and that the past should stay in the past, but that didn't mean you would be accepting any apologies today.

koschei was on the rise again, and prythian needed to come together once more.

right now, your past didn't matter.

the doors swung open, and the inner circle made their way inside.

a servant led them to the conference room located in the same hallway as helion's office on the first floor of the palace.

they sat at the marble table while the servant informed them, "the high lord will be here in a few minutes."

receiving a nod and a 'thank you' from rhysand, the servant left.

rhys started, "y/n and lucien will also be in this meeting. now, helion was nice enough to allow the two of you back here, so do not ruin this."

he finished while looking at azriel and elain, making them both nod their heads.

helion entered the room, and the inner circle raised from their seats.

the high lord of the day court made his way to the head of the table.

he turned to the side where rhys and his inner circle stood, offering his hand to rhys to shake it.

taken by surprise, rhys needed a few seconds to process what was happening before accepting his hand.

once they had shaken hands, everyone returned to their seats, but not before helion sent a disapproving look in azriel's and elain's direction.

a few minutes into the meeting, the door to the conference room opened again.

and there you were. 

you were dressed in day attire. a beautiful white dress that hugged your body, with your hair loosen and golden jewelry adorned your neck and ears.

lucien was by your side also wearing day attire, one that matched helion's, with your hand in his.

the inner circle held their breaths at your sight.

it had been ten years, but all the memories came flashing back to them. 

you looked the same, but when you two approached the table, that's when they saw it and shock spread all over their faces.

azriel couldn't believe what he was seeing.

he didn't know what he was expecting to see at this meeting, but it wasn't this.

it wasn't the golden ring that you and lucien had matching on your left hands informing him that you were married that shocked him.

it was the small and round belly that your free hand was resting on and the sweet vanilla scent that was filling the air — the scent of yours and lucien's baby. 

"apologies for our delay," lucien started, then looking in your direction with a smile continued "someone had a big appetite this morning," he ended with a laugh.

you looked at his gaze, a genuine smile on your lips "shut up," you whispered.

lucien grabs the back of your chair, pulling it to give you enough space to sit. "thank you, my love."

you said while watching him take the seat at your right, making you stay seated between him and Helion.

for the first time since you entered the room, you looked at the people in front of you. "night court," you greeted with a small smile. 

feyre was the first to say, "congratulations, y/n and lucien." 

lucien spoke this time. "thank you, feyre." he rested his hand on your belly.

"how far long are you?" rhysand's voice reached your ears.

looking in his direction, you answered, "23 weeks. lucien thinks it's a girl, but i think it's a boy," you added, making rhys smile.

"i always took you for a boy mom." amren's voice surprised you and couldn't help but smile at her words.

"congratulations to you two. the mother knows you deserve it." she finished with a genuine smile.

lucien looked at azriel and elain before directing his eyes to the ancient one "yes, we do. thank you, amren."

lucien paused for a second before turning in helion's direction and continuing. “let's not keep holding on to the meeting. please go on, father." 

helion proceeded with the meeting, but azriel didn't listen to a word that was said.

he couldn't tear his eyes from you and lucien. 

there was no doubt of the love you two shared, not when it was written in both of your eyes.

he didn't miss Lucien caresing your belly and pushing a strand of hair behind your ear, passing his thumb over your jaw, and kissing your cheek after.

or how you rested your right hand on top of his on your belly while your left passed through his long red hair before resting around his shoulders and your smile while doing it.

what bigger proof did he need of your love if not for the baby you were carrying?

lucien's baby, he kept telling himself.

not his.

lucien's.

jealousy invaded his body, but there was nothing he could do.

he made his decision ten years ago, and now he had to live with it.

lost in his thoughts, he only realized the meeting was over when everyone started standing.

rhys and helion were finishing talking, and when the doors opened one more time, eris vanserra walked in with a little ginger boy in his arms.

he couldn't be more than five years old.

he looked exactly like lucien, except for his eyes — those were yours. 

azriel's heart sank, and it sank even more a few seconds later, when the little boy spotted you and lucien.

you already had a baby and you were about to have your second.

with a big smile appearing on his sweet face, the little boy almost shouted, "mommy! daddy!"

the boy jumped from his uncle's arms and ran to you.

you bend down and gather the happy boy in your arms before standing again and passing a hand through his ginger curls and saying, "hi, baby."

you peppered his face with kisses, making him laugh even more. "i thought you were having fun with your uncle," you said, looking at your brother in law.

your son pouted “uncle eris doesn't know how to play. he only wants to do the boring stuff, mommy.”

everyone in the room chuckled. eris gasped with fake hurt “excuse me?”

“elijah.” lucien chuckled and said to your son after joining your side “don't be rude to your uncle.” 

“but it’s the truth, daddy.” elijah hid his face on your neck. 

eris approached the little family with a smile directed to his nephew. "sorry. i tried to keep him entertained, but he just kept asking about you two." 

lucien noticed his older brother had paint and glitter on his white shirt and laughed at the thought of his son giving him a hard time before exclaiming, "it's alright, brother. we were about to leave anyway." 

the little boy settled in your arms and rested his head against yours, lucien started rubbing his back.

when the little boy caught the sight of his grandfather, he asked before anyone could stop him "grandpa, how was the meeting with the idiots from the night court?" 

the room went quiet, and a few gasps escaped.

at your son's words, you turned to look at Helion, now on mom's mood. "helion! how many times do we have to tell you not to speak like that in front of him?" 

the room erupted in laughter at your statement. 

the air became lighter, and helion put his hands in surrender, promising you that it wouldn't happen again. 

you gave him an incredulous look, saying that you didn't believe him.

your son wrapped his tiny arms around your neck and rested his head on your shoulder with a yawn leaving his lips. 

you rubbed your son's back while speaking to him. "C'mon, elijah. let's leave before your grandfather comes up with a new bad word for you to learn." 

“bad grandpa” your son agreed with you while earning new chuckles from the night court. 

even though he was trying to hold his smile, azriel failed. your son was too adorable.

you turned your gaze to the inner circle and gave them a smile. "it was good to see you all." 

"you too, y/n. i missed you." cassian replied.

your smile stretched before telling him, "i missed you too, cass." 

the nickname made his heart ache — maybe there's still a chance for you to reconnect.

you turned to look behind you, meeting your husband's eyes "you're coming, lu?" 

a pink blush made its way to lucien's cheeks "of course, my love."

the heir looked at his father, "we'll see you at dinner, father. night court." he said, giving the inner circle a small nod before joining you and wrapping his arm around your waist and giving a kiss to your now sleeping son.

amren spoke again “see i told you were a boy mom.”

“you're right. if this baby happens to be a boy as well, i'm gonna be in trouble.” you replied with an arm holding your son and while the other made its way to your belly.

“no, you're not. you're gonna be great.” nesta spoke, a genuine smile on her lips “we already can see you are.” she gestured to the little boy sleeping in your arms. 

“thank you, nes.” you were grateful for her words.

on your way out, you met azriel's eyes, but you couldn't find the words, so you simply gave him a nod with a small smile, and azriel returned the gesture.

when the door closed, amren was the first to break the silence "well, the mother has a sense of humor." 

everyone turned to look at her, but she focused her gaze on azriel and elain.

"you rejected them because you believed you belonged with one another only for your relationship to fail six months later. and now," she released a laugh, "your former mates found their way towards each other. fell in love, got married, have a son, and have another baby on the way. ironic isn't it?" she said with the feline smile returning to her lips. 

it was helion who spoke next, amusement all over his face, "indeed. i guess karma is a bitch."

he sent a disapproving look one more time in the direction of the two people who almost cost him his family before exiting the room.

amren's and Helion's words stung, but azriel knew it was nothing but the truth. He realized in that moment that despite your life now and how things turned out, you would never forgive him.

he had lost you forever, and now he had to live with regret for the rest of his life.

after all, you were no longer his. 

a/n: thank you for reading! i'm thinking in making a general taglist so if you wish to be added let me know.

the beautiful dividers belong to @cafekitsune

[rillian4e]

Are they dominant or submissive in bed?

ft& Childe, Wriothesley, Scaramouche, Neuvillette

Childe: For him, being the dominant one in bed is something he loves. Childe prefers being the one on top, doing the work while you lay there all pretty, taking it like the obedient girl he made you for him. That doesn't mean that he doesn't let you be the dominant one on occasion, he likes a challenge, be it testing his own limits or that of his partner. But most nights he is far too impatient for that, instead indulging his desires and rashiving you for himself. "Archons... you and your body—drives me crazy," whispering into your ear as he moaned shamelessly, before long releasing his fluids deep into your needy pussy. "Fuck—one more, baby, yeah?" one more would turn into two and then you both would lose count, knowing it would never really end up as only one more.

Wriothesley: As for the Duke of the fortress of Meropide, he is similiar to Childe except he is a patient man, he would let you be the dominant one, watching you struggle and end up pleading for him to help you which eventually turns into full-blown rough sex with him, just what you both needed. Wriothesley would adore taunting you when you try being dominant, it's in his nature to tease and all the more if it's his sweet lover, trying to switch things up in the bedroom. Most times it ends up with him, releasing his pent-up frustration on you, you gladly take it all—enjoying the way his fat length rams into your hole, the wet and squelcing noises filling his office. "Mm...are you close? Yes? Well, hold it, sweetheart. You don't deserve to cum yet, you need to earn it." Purposefully teasing you even as tears fill your eyes, the way he was pinching your nipples harshly not helping in the slightest.

Scaramouche: The dominant one. Nothing else needs to be said here, he doesn't like feeling vulnerable and having you be in charge, just feels so wrong to him. Due to him being a puppet, his stamina is insane and he isn't easy to please, so he would much rather be in control. He would have you spread out, legs wide open as he smirked at the sight of your pussy clenching around nothing. Normally he would tease you and make you beg but when he gets too impatient, he would simply enter you without any warning, adoring the way you moan in pain and pleasure at the stretch. "fuck...you're so tight—loosen up a little, will you?" His words wouldn't get any less mean, your fucked out expression only making him more turned on, his desire to make you break deepening.

Neuvillette: Sweetest man ever. He is fine with anything you want, you want to be on top? Your wish is his comman. You want him to be in charge? Of course. He would do anything for you, no matter how unreasonable of a request. You have him wrapped around your little finger, and you love it. Even when he has you in a mating press, ravishing your body and using you for his pleasure—which you absolutely love when he does. But on a typical day after completing the long piles of paperwork, he considers it a reward to have you bent over his desk, his big, fat cock fucking into your dripping cunt, that's the sweetest reward he could get. "You feel so warm...I didn't know I needed this, maybe I should have you as my reward like this more often, hm?" His sweet praises were music to your ears, telling you about how good you were doing for him. His soft groans and hot breath on your neck makes you all the more needy for him.

[oblique-lane]

idk if youve done it yet but i would actually lose my mind if you did an analysis for demo

Aye aye captain 🫡 Time to overdramatize again!

Let's address Demo's wounds

(Demo's backstory was changed through the years but I'm sticking to the older version because I find it more grounded)

Demoman's story is easily one of the most tragic of all the mercs. Imagine you have been abandoned from birth, your parents simply rejected you for what you are. But luckily you have been adopted by some good people who replaced your parents and made you a relatively happy child.

And then you accidentally kill them. You're 6 years old. How does that feel?

I can't even imagine how a child's brain can't comprehend the idea of being a murderer. It was an accident, of course, they were blown up by a big explosion he created (genius kid found out how to do that, huh?) but still. His parents were dead and he knew it was his own fault. He learned he was dangerous as he is.

How was it like pondering about it in the orphanage?.. "I didn't want this! I want to go back and fix it, I'm so sorry", something like that. But he couldn't go back in time, so being covered in such an avalanche of guilt, he learned he needs to repress himself.

Demo have always had an explosive temper (no pun intended), it was his true nature, pure emotion: if he's happy, it's 100%; if he's angry, it's a full blown storm. If he loves, he loves with all of his heart, and he has a big one.

Living on the impulse, all or nothing, that crucial accident revealed that letting his true nature go will only end up as destruction in the end. Irreparable damage.

We don't know what exactly was happening to him during his orphanage years, but if I'm to guess, repressing everything about him: his interests, his character, his whole nature, was a thing to choose. He thought that he had to become still and quiet as to not to repeat that kind of tragedy ever again. He probably didn't have people to be friends with either, either because people rejected him for his past, or he avoided them himself due to his internalized shame, at least that's a guess.

But everything repressed returns to the surface sooner or later. As a child, living for so long under overwhelming guilt, grief, hate, pain and sadness, under the skies that are almost never sunny in a all-year-long damp and coldness of the Ullapool. Incomprehensibly grey. It was depriving.

He was always fascinated with explosions. He didn't touch it for a long time, but maybe something like seeing fireworks again one day made something inside him tremble... And to remember.

Explosions. Launch... Acceleration... Release. And every time the release happens, his soul fills with excitement, the body feels lighter and shivers go up the spine. Release happens inside his head too, for the explosions make his worries and pain go away for a moment.

He couldn't find another way to release his bottled up emotions, so gradually he returned to make explosives again.

It was something like an addiction. Similar to pyromania, except no one bothered to research this one. At the moment of explosion he could let his anger out, he could scream, he could run around freely, he could sense heat in his chest; he could be himself. As he once was.

Everything was cold. But the explosions were hot.

He thought it was under control, just a little bit of KABOOM after school, but he craved more and more every time, more vivid, more violent...

That's how he lost his eye. (...Was it a subconscious act of selfharm?)

The missing eye was a forever reminder of how deviated he actually was. He learned that he couldn't repress or change what he truly is - a monster. A Black Scottish Cyclops, wether it were his peers who called him like that or he himself, out of misery. There was indeed something seriously wrong with him.

It seemed like the only thing he was capable of is destruction. Destruction is the only environment he's comfortable with. Peace was always so anxious and depriving, and breaking things felt calming, so he figured it must be right.

And then his birth mother came and took him back, "now that's he's a worthy DeGroot". It was unexpected but... Pleasant. So he wasn't THAT worthless after all, huh? Turns out, it was really familial, the destruction thing. At least he found out that there was a reason behind all of this.

His new mom was, saying honestly, pretty cruel with words. She was not at all gentle, she was very strict, demanding and straight up abusive. It was never enough for her no matter what Demo did. She didn't want results from his work, she's just always wanted to mess with his brain.

And for whatever reason... This setup felt right for him. To be thrown around like that, to be humiliated harshly, it felt fitting, it wasn't causing anxiety or anything. He has to be a scapegoat, he had to forget about being a child and to start working as an adult, at the same time somehow replacing a father he still didn't have, but it felt good enough. Confusing relationships felt good enough.

Destruction was his habitat, and his heart could no longer accept anything else.

Cruelty wasn't warm though, just familiar, just an environment to not to go insane. But he craved warmness so badly... Yet every time he would get close to someone and receive a little gentleness and care, it would feel sickening. It felt unnatural, it reminded him of his lost parents and of everything that's wrong about him.

The only warmness his body could accept was alcohol, making him bubbly and comfortable and relaxed. He almost felt normal, happy even. Alcohol heat made him melt, and he felt so fulfilled as if he was in paradise, back to the womb.

Yet after the effect wears off, he feels lonely as ever. Quickly, existing without alcohol becomes pain. Existing at all. He became an addict.

Not that everyone he met rejected him, rather, he subconsciously reached out to those who would be cruel to him. Again, gentleness hurts wether he knows it or not. He's only good in destruction.

Lonely and clingy, ready to overshare, overall mess yet carrying a big baggage of love that has no one to give it to. Maybe because he can't give it to himself in the first place. There's so many issues unresolved because he can't handle them alone, yet there's no one to help since he was already trapped in a closed circuit of self sabotage.

He will keep acting like a party beast, always crazily emotional and overdone upbeat, a simple drunken man who will not be taken seriously that way. Maybe that's what he wanted, to not be seen as deep by anyone for not be reminded of his misery once again.

Seems like we bought that too.

...

The enemy Soldier might be an exception though. The man he really treasures his friendship with turned out to be an enemy; repeating the rule again: it's only acceptable when dangerous. Soldier deeply cares for Demo, however he's not gentle or pitying, he's as destructive and explosive as Demo is, and these two are a very rare perfect combination of destructing each other in the act of love. Both broken beyond repair, soul on soul, forever to be misunderstood by the outsiders. This is something about this relationship that looks like a golden lining.

They will not fix each other, but they sure are going to have a good time!

[trappolia]

── PUT ALL YOUR FAULTS TO BED, YOU CAN BE KING AGAIN

leona kingscholar. the musings of the second prince, regarding the crown and his consort.

Some days, Leona thinks about what the word king means to him and how it links back to you.

Contrary to popular belief, he does not so easily forget the whispers of rumours behind his back; though, loathe as he is to admit, Leona knows that some are less rumour and more truth, no matter how spiteful. He is a prince, after all, and not some spoiled rotten child who has had compliments fed to him on a golden spoon.

Leona knows, better than anyone, that you deserve more than him.

He’s well aware of the fact that many perceive him as lazy, irritable and intimidating, and that is only saying the least. The perfect example of a student who has had to repeat a year way too many times, who is probably still in the world’s greatest magical academy because of his royal blood and noble connections.

The second prince is one way to describe him as well. Second to everything his brother does is also a possible description. Second to the throne, to their parents’ love, to the praise and glory befitting of a king; because Leona will never be king. not as long as his brother and his blood live, because Leona has always been the second option.

And so he acts like it. What else can he do? Surely he cannot try to usurp his own brother; Leona may be a better king than Falena, but he is also intelligent enough to understand the consequences of a coup, long-term or otherwise. Not to mention his nephew, who undoubtedly has the capacity to be a real pain in his ass if Leona ever does away with his father.

Now Leona spends most of his time bored and unpleasant to be around, not so unlike the whispers that circulated the halls of Afterglow Savannah's royal palace when his signature spell was discovered. It is when you find him, lazing around in the light of the sun creeping into the greenhouse (one of the only times he has ever felt that he has ever felt that he could escape from the shadows), and, for one reason or another, you decide to stay.

Leona hates it.

He hates the way you shine a light in his life. It’s too bright, too hot, and he can’t get rid of you no matter how hard he tries. And, at some point, he has become too scared to get rid of you. The underlying fear of losing that light, reduced to the shadow of a king and a crown prince that he once was; it kills Leona. It kills him because he was supposed to be a king, grew up wanting to be the perfect one to rule over the kingdom, and kings do not have weaknesses.

But Leona is not a king.

He is the brother of one, the second son of a royal family. With enough skills and intellect to survive in the battlefield that is the royal court of the Afterglow Savannah. He is born to a long line of kings, emperors, leaders; has learned from the stories of the great kings of the past, of which their blood courses through his veins; but he is not a king. Never was, and never will be.

But then again, who is to say that he isn’t a king in another sense?

"The only kingly thing you haven’t done yet is actually opening your eyes, Leona," Ruggie’s damned hyena laugh echoes in his mind, the mischievous smirk on his face while his eyes stay rooted to the pathetic homemade crown on his head.

Leona does not think Ruggie has the right to laugh, when he doesn't even understand.

Because even with his eyes closed, the second prince sees. He sees the way your breaths come and go, the warmth of the sun and the chill of the breeze on your skin, your quickening pulse and heartbeat. He sees it all without ever needing his eyes, and that is the exact reason why he doesn’t want to open them.

Because if he does, he will see you, backlit against the sun and light of the greenhouse you both visit so much, and then he will want more; you by his side in the kingdom of Afterglow Savannah, bathing in the morning light while wrapped in royal robes, the consort's crown on your head, your rightful place on the throne beside his. You cradling his cub in your arms, sweetly whispering to the result of your love, the future ruler and heir to the throne that is rightfully his. Leona knows that there is none other more deserving of a consort's crown than you, and he would kill anyone who tried to take it from you.

(He would kill for you in a heartbeat. No matter what the cost.

One day, Leona thinks, he will not be the only one to fear the extent of what he feels for you.)

But what murder is justified when the crime hasn’t even been committed? When you do not have the consort's crown, because Leona doesn’t even have the king’s.

(Child’s play; reaching for something he will never get. Leona is a master at this game, even when he loses every single time.)

Silly lion, you would chide him with a smile. Not for these foolish fantasies (for Leona would never admit them), but for the most mundane things. Being late to class, forgetting to do homework, getting detention, forgetting to go to that detention. Such simple, pathetic things, and Leona listens because you are his consort, and kings listen to their consorts.

(Pathetic, hopeless little fantasies.)

"Leona?" you call out his name, your voice the melody of his sweetest, softest, weakest dreams.

Leona's eyes flutter open, lashes brushing against his cheeks as he blinks in the light.

He sees you there, bent over to peer at his sleeping expression. The way your head eclipses the sun makes it seem like you’re wearing a halo (angel’s crown), and if Leona looks closely, he can see his own kisses tangled between your locks and the light.

He closes his eyes before he can meet your gaze, see your lips and everything else he has ever wanted. He will settle for sense and touch, if not for the sake of his sanity, then for you.

"What is it now?" he snarls, feigning annoyance. He hears you laugh, and Leona knows you see right through him.

Just give him some more time, then he will give you a kingdom, the world, and everything else you’ve ever wanted and deserved──

──but for now, this will be all he can offer you.

© trappolia 2024

[totallybakedcake]

Imperfectly perfect

Sypnosis- You overwork yourself and your boyfriend freaks out. Pairing- Hoshina x fem reader

Huff, puff,huff,puff. It was now a normal thing for you to gasp for breath and just hold your polearm till it formed bruises in your arms. You were just thinking about your training, nothing more.

You stopped as you heard Okongi say, "Kikoru Shinomoya, release force 70 percent."

"Platoon leader name released force 80 percent. That's the most release force recorded for a platoon leader. Platoon leader name, platoon leader name, can you hear me? Can you hear me?" Okongi spoke, trying to get you back to your senses. Concern was starting to take over her, as you could hear her practically start yelling your name.

"Name!" You felt like you were slapped back to reality. Looking up, you saw Kafka, Leno, and Kikoru looking at you with a look of almost desperation. Kafka was shaking your shoulders while the rest were calling out to you. "Did I zone out?" You spoke as a mere whisper as you felt a wave of pain coursing through your body. Leno spoke, "Platoon leader, name. We were all training with you, but after training ended, you were on the floor, zoning out. It had been 5 whole minutes until you finally responded back to us. You should definitely have a look in the medical room. This has been happening ever since we joined you in training."

"Sorry to bother you guys so much. I am going to go to the medical ward soon, just being prepared after it was said that Kaiju No. 8 was a daikaiju, and just stressing all over. I'm sorry, you gotta get going now."

The trio watched as you hurriedly walked away. I was trying to calm Okongi down as she scolded you. "The platoon leader should really take care of herself. Even if she has great abilities and all, she should start taking care more. Has she even told Vice Captain Hoshina about this?" Kikoru and Leno nodded in agreement before walking away for lunch.

You love Hoshina more than your own life, but sometimes you really cannot show your true self to him. Down the whole mask of an understanding and cool person you try to be. There are many things that are hidden deep inside your heart. There are some things that you cannot express to your dear Hoshina.

Name was taking quick strides to get to a place. She was trying to cover herself so no one could see her, but then she arrived. A traditional Japanese estate, it was adorned with lamps and cute statues. The doors and windows were huge when you turned to the left; there was even a pond in the whole area. You went towards the backyard to see the preparations already done.

There he was, Mr. Hoshina. The current head of the Hoshina clan, as well as Soshiro's father, He was already in a kimino with a katana in his hand. He looked towards you and said, "Let's start, name."

Flashback

"Soshiro, it has been almost a month with no improvements." You slumped against the wall, burying your head in your arms. You would cry at any moment. It had been almost a month, and your release force was just decreasing. You could lose your position as a platoon leader if this continues. Soshiro had been a witness to your breakdown. He tried many times to calm you down and motivate you, but now he needed a new method. He went towards you, gently placing you on the sofa as he kissed your temple and said, "Oh cupcake, why do you worry about your pretty head so much? It makes me feel upset too. How bout' I tell you a great plan that will work surely?" He was rubbing your back in a comforting manner as you peered up with puffy red eyes.

"Tell me." You spoke just like a sad child, glimmering with hope. Soshiro grinned. He loved this particular trait about you a lot. He leaned down and spoke in a teasing manner. "For that, calm down." Showing him a pout and a glare at the same time, he grabbed your hand and spoke. "My father is great at polearming and close combat too. How about you train under him? It will surely prove results." He spoke in a promising tone that made you obviously agree with it.

Back to reality, it really worked. Your capabilities as a platoon leader skyrocketed. You were so happy—too happy, in fact—that you almost suffocated the vice captain himself in a tight hug. He was just glad that you were back to your usual persona, nothing more.

But things started to go downhill after that. You started training a lot more. After all the new Kaiju threats, you had to. You would overwork yourself to the point that even drinking water or getting proper rest was a second priority now. You just wanted to be strong and protect Soshiro and others with your strength, nothing more. Did you tell Soshiro about this? No. Will you? Absolutely no. He will stop your training as a whole and will be extra protective of you if that happens.

You tried your best to hide all the exhaustion and pain your body had started to accumulate, and you showed signs of overworking, but still you tried to cover it up. No matter how hard you tried, Hoshina was destined to find out about it.

It was evening, and you were still training. You were still training and training before you felt pain in your nose. It was a nose bleed, the sixth this week. You just wiped it off with your hand before getting in a position where you could fight, but you felt someone grab your hand in a firm grip. "Name, that's enough." You looked to see Soshiro; his eyes were wide open, looking at you. You were sweating buckets as blood was smeared on your face. Small cuts and bruises were peeking through, which was making Soshiro more concerned as the seconds went by.

"Let's go home." Soshiro spoke in a demanding tone as he grabbed your hand and started to walk.

You, on the other hand, felt really dizzy; your head was spinning, and the moment you moved your body, it ached. Feeling all the energy drained out of you, black splashes appeared in your vision as everything went black. Soshiro's eyes widened as you fell into his arms, his body going completely limp. "Name, this isn't funny. I don't like this prank. Please wake up." He shook your body, but no reactions came from you. He cussed; he knew you were training hard, but to the point you passed out because of it was something he never imagined. If only he had been faster to catch on, this wouldn't have happened.

He scooped you up in his arms, cradling your exhausted form. He just wants you to be okay.

Fluttering your eyes open, you groaned in pain. Your head throbbed, your entire body was feeling different types of pain, and your eyes felt heavy. "Yer awake, how are you?" You turned your head to see Hoshina coming close to you, as he had a tray with soup. His voice was much quieter and calmer, the opposite of his normal cheerful self. His eyes were wide open, and you could see the bags under his eyes.

"What happened?" Was the first thing you said.

Hoshina's expression turned grim as she placed the tray down and sat beside you on the bed. "Name, you passed out from exhaustion. You've been pushing yourself too hard."

You tried to sit up and get closer to him, but dizziness fell over you as Hoshina pushed you back down, his grip on your hand getting tighter. "Promise me, promise me you will never overwork yourself like that ever again." He held out his pinky finger and looked at you with a soft gaze.

"I promise." You interweaved your fingers in his as he pulled you closer for a deep kiss. The butterflies were flooding your stomach as heat rose up to your face.

"I have forcefully given you a week to recover, so no arguing now." He grinned as you let out a scoff and pulled him for another kiss. "I wasn't planning too."

Soshiro fell on top of you as he wrapped his arms around your figure, trapping you in his embrace and peppering you with kisses.

Let's just say he spoiled you rotten this night.

Note- Aah I did it I uploaded this thing. It was super fun to write this. My next kaiju no 8 fic might take a while as the next thing I will upload is a windbreaker fic. I watched the whole anime 4 days and completed the manga very quickly too, exams are now coming and just school is just too much now so no new fics maybe.

Have a good day!:D

[yayakoishii]

Want | Sanji x Chubby! Reader

Fandom: One Piece

Pairing: Vinsmoke Sanji x Chubby! Reader

WC: 5.5k

Genre: Fluff, slight Angst

Warnings: Sexual harrasment, derogatory terms for chubby people, mentions of blood, insecurities that lead to a bit of light self derogation (Please remember you're absolutely beautiful as you are <3)

A/n: The response on Hunger is insane. Over 700 likes?! I didn't expect much beyond a few 10-20 likes, thank you for all the love 😭 This is another self indulgent fic, more personal to me because I'm chubby myself so... I'm not super proud of the pacing tbh, but it's still pretty good, in my (biased) opinion, haha. I hope you enjoy it!!! ♡

also available on ao3!

When you joined the Straw Hat crew, you didn't expect to fall in love with the blonde chef.

Actually, when you joined them, you weren't in the mindset to think about love and silly crushes. Your island had been destroyed by the Marines for a 'good cause' and despite the Straw Hats' best attempt, you were the only remaining survivor. Luffy kindly offered you a place on his crew, and you joined as an assistant to Chopper, slowly learning from him.

The first few weeks after you joined were tough for you, who had never travelled outside of your island. It took time to get used to the environmental changes along with the emotional grief of losing all your loved ones. The crew tried their best to cheer you up in their own ways, and you would forever be grateful for every one of them for at least trying, even if their methods weren't the most effective for you. It was the thought and the sentiment behind it that counted.

But what did work for you was… food. Ever since you were a child, you had loved food and it was the way you connected to life. Though you were not the greatest cook out there, you were capable of making things that were edible and quite good at times. On the ship though, you never had to cook, because Sanji would always do all the cooking. Whenever you offered to help, to take your mind off the pain you were feeling, he would kindly decline, saying that he would make you whatever you wanted.

But he couldn't. The dishes from your island were not recipes known quite to the rest of the world. Hell, even you didn't know all of them, save for some of your favourite foods that you had learnt from your mother. So you snuck in after dinner and made a dish from your hometown. It wasn't the best food you ever cooked, but it still meant something to you, because you were reminded of home.

You wrote down all the recipes you knew into a book, and kept it close. Whenever you missed your home, you would sneak into the kitchen at night and make yourself something with your wonky cooking skills that made the dish taste different every time. Still, the familiarity was enough to comfort you and let you wallow in the grief at the same time.

Until one day, you couldn't find your book.

"Nami?" You called unsurely to the navigator, who was lying on the deck under shade next to Robin. Behind them, Sanji was serving drinks. The three looked at you in question and suddenly under the scrutiny, your confidence faltered. "Um, uh.. d- did you see a journal somewhere? I can't find mine…"

"The brown one?" She asked, pushing her sunglasses up into her hair. You nodded frantically, hoping she knew. "I don't think I did. Did you check under your bed?"

"I did," you whispered, feeling the sadness wash over you again. It's not like you didn't still remember the recipes, but your memory wasn't the best. Without the book, it would be hard to remember them all.

"Don't worry, we'll find it," Nami got up and reassured you, looking concerned. "Sanji. Robin."

The two of them nodded along and then the four of you were searching for it everywhere, until Sanji had to excuse himself apologetically because he had to go cook lunch. You could only nod, trying not to get down in the dumps again over a book, but it felt a little hopeless. Until you heard Sanji shout from the kitchen. The three of you ran over to find him scolding Luffy, your journal in his hand.

"I just wanted to see what was in it!" Luffy pouted, his rubbery hands swinging around to try and get it back.

"That's an invasion of privacy, Luffy!" Sanji looked angry, but you were too relieved about the fact that you had found the book to get upset with Luffy.

"It's okay," you said, reaching forward to get the book. "It's just… recipes, Luffy. From my hometown."

There was silence in the kitchen for a few seconds and Luffy's face dropped into a serious look.

"I'm sorry," he said, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. "I thought… If I knew how to help you, you'd be happier."

It made you laugh softly, your heart warm at his kind intentions.

"Thank you, Captain," you smiled at him, eyes crinkling into crescent moons. "I am happy here. I just… miss my home, sometimes."

He wrapped you into a hug and Nami ruffled your hair a little. You smiled under the attention, holding the book close. Sanji for once was quiet, just staring at the book thoughtfully, though you didn't notice it then.

A few days after that event, Sanji called you to the kitchen before lunchtime. Curiously, you followed him to find… a plate of your favourite dish from your hometown. It was plated beautifully, making it look fancy and yet it still had that homey feeling to it. Sanji didn't say a word, just held out the chair for you to sit. You sat down in a daze, too focused on the smell of it lingering in the room.

It smelled like home.

And when you tasted it, you burst into tears. Because it tasted like home. It tasted exactly like your mom's. All the tears you had held back to not worry the crew were now spilling out without any end but you didn't care. Here, where only Sanji could see you, you let it all out. He didn't say anything, just placed a gentle hand on your shoulder and squeezed to let you know he's there for you. You turned around to face him, but the tears made it all blurry. Knocking your head against his stomach, you cried harder.

Sanji just held your head, carding fingers through your hair in comfort, offering you a handkerchief. That, you realised later, was the moment your feelings for Sanji began.

✿

After that day, you became a lot happier. Somehow, without words, just eating the food that Sanji made was enough to heal your broken heart bit by bit. Sometimes, he made extra because Luffy was curious and wanted to taste it too; and then the whole crew wanted it so Sanji made a few of your dishes for dinner. In that moment, surrounded by the smell of home, around your new family, your heart finally started healing.

You started noticing Sanji everywhere after you got used to life on the Thousand Sunny. From the small things he does, to the loud expressions of love he made, everything about him seemed wonderful and warm to you. Because you knew that beneath his overt affections for all the ladies, he was an infinitely kind, caring and observant person. How were you supposed to not fall for him, when he went above and beyond for you?

And yet, for all his admissions of love, you never believed that he could truly like you back like you felt for him. You were after all, not the prettiest girl around and you knew that. You were not slim like Nami or Robin, and it's not like you absolutely hated your soft and squishy body. But you wondered if Sanji would like you even though you weren't pretty.

All that self consciousness went out the window every time you were in his presence. He never made you feel less, or ugly– in fact, the way he spoke to you always left you a blushing mess. He made you feel special, and in the moment, it would be enough. Until you saw him fawning over Nami or Robin, and then the sneaky voice in your brain would whisper quiet thoughts comparing you to them. You had no chance with him, and you knew that.

And that was fine. You could live with that, couldn't you? You had to, because wanting more than you should never ended well. All it would leave behind is rejection, hurt and awkwardness. So you pressed down the feelings and acted as normally as you could.

The moment you realised that you loved Sanji was probably a memory you would never forget. Although it was unforgettable for you, it probably wasn't particularly that unique to others. That didn't matter to you because it was a memory you cherished ultimately.

It happened when the ship docked on a peaceful little island. Everyone else was going out to enjoy their time, and you wanted to spend that time with Sanji. So, casually, you made your request.

"Sanji?" Your timid utterance of his name got an instant reaction from the chef, who straightened up and looked at you with hearts in his eyes.

"Yes, (y/n)-chan?" He asked, tilting his head slightly.

"Um, you're gonna go grocery shopping, right?" You had seen Nami complaining while handing him the money for the shopping.

"That's right," he leaned closer, almost too close but not quite into your personal bubble. Still, the proximity was enough for you to smell the mild smell of his perfume that left you a little weak in the knees. "Did you want me to get something for you, sweetheart?"

"I just," you hesitated, suddenly scared that he might realise your feelings and get disgusted. No, Sanji wasn't like that, you had to remind yourself. He would never treat you unkindly, even if he knew your feelings. "I heard you always do it alone. I thought you might enjoy some company?"

The hearts in Sanji's eyes disappeared as he stared at you like you were speaking gibberish for a few seconds. Under the intensity of that stare, you fidgeted and waited for his response.

"You're too kind, (y/n)-chan!" He finally cried, holding up your hands in his own bigger and colder ones. You flushed at the action, stammering out an actual gibberish response this time before you were whisked away by the blonde chef to town.

It felt all too much like a date to you, when you walked next to him. Sanji somehow made grocery shopping fun, or maybe that was just because of how much you liked him that anything with him was enjoyable? It didn't matter, you decided, because whichever it was, you couldn't deny that Sanji was equivalent to the sun on a cold day.

He enthusiastically showed you around, as if you were a tourist and he were a guide (when in fact, it was the first time in this town for both of you) causing you to giggle. Whenever you stopped to buy things, he would humour your curious questions on how to pick which vegetable and what cuts of which meat are the best. It felt awfully like a domestic date, one that made you smile when you imagined doing this with Sanji years down the line every week.

"And that's the last of it!" Sanji said happily, picking up the last bag. He was holding all the bags since the start, despite your insistence and now you were anxious, seeing him hold so many bags in his hands.

"Sanji, let me hold a few," you tried again, hands reaching out to take some of them. But Sanji just turned around so you couldn't reach the bags and grinned down at you.

"Nonsense, how could I let such a delicate lady hold such heavy bags?" His words made you flush in embarrassment. You were not delicate in any sense; surely, Sanji knew that too. And in spite of all his sincerity, the word just felt like it was mocking you.

"I'm… not…," you struggled to say, not wanting to argue but unable to keep it in either. With your chubby frame, no one had ever considered you as delicate.

"Let me do this for you, my love," Sanji's voice was soft and infinitely gentle, as if he was indeed holding something fragile in his hands. "I wouldn't feel good letting you carry anything when I'm more than capable."

"But Sanji!" you lightly whined, wringing your hands. "I don't feel good letting you carry all the burden either! Come on, just a few bags?"

Before Sanji could respond, you heard a scared squeak. Your brows furrowed and you looked around the marketplace, finding a man cornering a girl a few feet behind Sanji. She seemed uncomfortable and he was all in her personal space, saying something in a rough, sleazy voice that gave you shivers.

You were not a fighter, but the instinct to protect her overtook the rational part of your brain and you crossed the distance to where they were. Pushing him back, you stood in front of the girl to block her from him.

"Can't you see she's uncomfortable?" You said coldly. "Back off."

The man took an involuntary step back until his eyes fell on you. He reeked of alcohol and smoke and you felt like puking from the putrid stench coming off him but you held it together, trying to come off as more confident than you felt. His eyes roamed over your body shamelessly, and you felt dirty and uncomfortable from the action.

"Don't get in our business, fatty," he grinned, the smell of alcohol doubling the moment he opened his mouth. "Are you jealous that no one will ever give you the attention she's getting?"

The words stabbed you in the gut, even though you knew rationally that you were better off without the bad attention. That was the one perk of being conventionally average in looks– no one really looked at you, in good ways or bad. Or maybe you had just been lucky so far. But hearing him call you that, saying those words, even from someone like him, it hurt a small part of you. Before you could respond, a leg in black slacks came up and kicked the man down with such a force that everybody around paused, shocked by the sudden action.

Even you stepped back automatically, gasping when you saw that it was Sanji, still balancing all the bags perfectly while he had roundhouse kicked the man into the ground with so much force that you could see his teeth had become bloody and he was on the verge of unconsciousness.

"(Y/n)-chan doesn't need the attention of sewer rats like you," he said calmly, straightening back into position smoothly. "Her beauty only deserves the best of the best."

The sight of Sanji saying that with a calm face, his hair slightly tousled, his hands balancing the bags and his leg muscles rippling under the slacks – that image was imprinted in your heart and brain for the rest of your life. The words sent you into a shock, but when they finally processed, you couldn't deny the overwhelming realisation that crashed into you.

You love Sanji.

It wasn't just a silly crush, or something that could go away if you gave it time. The chef had unknowingly carved himself a place into your heart. He was taking over it, chamber by chamber.

"Sanji…" The word came out as a whisper, inaudible under the din of the market as people were talking about what was going on. You snapped out of it when you felt the girl behind you shuffle and you immediately squashed your thoughts down to examine them later. You turned around and asked her, "Are you okay?"

She looked very alarmed and upset, but she still shot you a grateful smile as she murmured, "Yes, thanks to you two."

"He didn't hurt you?" You asked, hands hovering over her as you looked to ensure if she was safe. A peek of crimson caught your eye when she raised her hand to rub her face. Her elbows had scraped against the rough brick wall in his tousling. "You have some scratches!"

"Oh," she turned her arms to look at the wounds, now feeling the burn after the adrenaline and fear response was receding.

"Come on, I'll treat it for you," you offered, opening your sling bag which had some emergency first aid. You usually carried it around for the members when you were off the ship, knowing that they were all too reckless to give a second thought to any wounds.

"Oh, no, no, I couldn't trouble you more!" She said, mortified but you gently shook your head, offering her a hand.

"It's no trouble," you reassured her. It took a little bit of convincing but she eventually calmed down and let you clean up the wound before you parted. Finally, you allowed yourself to look at Sanji, who immediately schooled his features so you wouldn't see the warm adoring look he was giving you the whole time. "Sanji… Are you okay too? You didn't hurt yourself, did you?"

"Do you think I'm that weak, sweetheart?" He smiled teasingly, but you felt the need to defend yourself.

"I know you are strong," you insisted, worrying your lower lip as you tried to look him straight in the eyes but kept getting flustered. "But even strong people get wounds. Just because they are strong, doesn't mean that they don't feel the pain. So tell me honestly, Sanji. Are you hurt anywhere?'

"No," he promised. "But if you're that worried, I'll let you check me all out back on the ship."

He ended that with a wink, and this time, you couldn't hold back the flush threatening to overtake your face again. Sanji couldn't help making the mood light again, but he had no idea of the effect his words had on you.

"Stupid," you weakly pawed at his arm, walking away before he could say anything. The blonde chef just laughed and followed you, face once again soft and fond as he watched you.

✿

Sanji may have been one of the only people onboard who was oblivious to your feelings, because a few of them did figure it out after watching the way you interacted with him. The first ones to realise were Nami and Robin, who called you out on it when the three of you were lying under the shade on the sunny deck.

"Really?" Nami had scrunched her nose, eyes critically analysing Sanji as he walked (danced, really) back to the kitchens after serving drinks to the three of you.

"Really what?" You asked, too busy sipping the cool drink to notice that she had noticed the way you had warmly thanked Sanji and given him a bright smile.

"Sanji?" Nami gave you a pointed look. The name made you freeze, and you tried to play it off.

"What about him?"

"Oh, come on!" Nami threw the slice of lemon that was on her drink. You caught it before it could fall on your shirt and muttered an indignant 'hey!' that the navigator ignored. "You like him, don't you?"

The words were enough to make you hide your face in embarrassment. Robin was smiling knowingly from the other side of Nami and you felt exposed, like they had both just turned you inside out.

"I do," you whispered after the few minutes of silent mortification that Nami had spent in self satisfaction.

"Why that loser though?" She said without any real bite. You knew she wasn't actually demeaning him; it was affectionate, in the way one would talk about their sibling's lovelife.

"Because!" You whispered, eyes running everywhere to check if no one else was around to hear you. "Have you looked at him? He's literally so pretty! He is kind, caring, and so, so thoughtful and generous. Without expecting anything in return, he is always giving and giving and he makes my stomach do silly things. He has curly eyebrows, Nami! I didn't think those could look good on anyone. Hell, I know I would look ugly with them, but he makes it work! It suits him, and he's so beautiful and I'm just–"

You collapsed onto your chair, your wet fingers from the condensation on the drink glass finding purchase in the dips of your face to hide it. Just talking about him was enough to get your heart beating fast, and the mortification of what you had just spilled to the two girls made you want the ground to swallow you already.

"You really like him," Robin's soft observation made you relax. She wasn't teasing you. You turned to look at her and caught the comforting smile she was sending your way.

"I was going to say you could do better," Nami turned to face you, swinging her feet around to your side, "but after hearing all that, I think… You two are perfect for each other. Despite all his antics, he has a good heart. And you'll be good for him, because you see him as he is."

"Yeah?" You couldn't help the small flower of hope blossoming in your chest.

"Really," Nami smiled, a rare genuine smile that was usually reserved for late night talks and reassurances in down times.

"You don't think…." You trailed off, fidgeting with the hem of your top, "he won't… find me good enough?"

"Are you crazy?" Nami snorted, picking up her drink. The melted ice had made the level go up so much that it was threatening to spill any moment. "You're better than anything he could dream of. I told you, didn't I? You would be good for him. Having someone like you in his life to ground him, I think there's nothing better than that. You're one of the sweetest people I have ever met. If anyone here isn't good enough, it's him."

"Hey now," you frowned, ready to defend Sanji but hearing his voice stopped you.

"Who isn't good enough for (y/n)-chan?" His face was stuck in a weird smile, like he was forcing it. He carefully placed the plate of pastries he had brought as he continued casually despite the silence, "I don't know who we are talking about but Nami-chan is right. No one is good enough for our lovely (y/n)-chan."

"Oh, look at that!" You hurriedly switched the topic, looking at the plate he had brought. The tiny pastries were adorable and colourful, looking so delicious that it would have made your mouth water if you weren't distracted at the moment. "This looks so good, Sanji. Seriously, if you keep feeding me like this, my weight will keep increasing!"

The last line became a teasing complaint, but you didn't expect Sanji to come to the side of your chair and lean down to where you were tilted. The proximity caused your eyes to widen, the blood thundering in your ears as he carefully tucked in a stray strand of your hair behind your ear, face so soft and warm that it make your insides feel like they were vibrating.

"All the more for me to love, so I would keep winning, wouldn't I, sweetheart?"

You choked, and the need to get away from him before you did something wild like grab him and kiss him got so much that your knee accidentally shot up and into Sanji's back, pushing him forward. The chef's eyes widened at the sudden attack, but he managed to not collapse on you by quickly holding onto the sides of the chair but now you were trapped in between his arms on top of the close proximity.

It made you so weak in the knees, and there was something hot and warm curling in your gut as you stammered gibberish, feeling like you were about to faint because Sanji's chest was practically touching yours and it was all too much.

"SORRY!" He hurriedly backed off the moment he got his bearings, and for the first time since you had come onboard, you saw him have a genuinely heavily flushed face. There was a little blood starting to leak from one of his nostrils and somehow, it helped you calm down. He was just as affected as you were. The idea was enough to lessen your embarrassment by a little.

"I'm the one who's sorry, Sanji," you said remorsefully, hiding your face completely in your hands this time. "I kicked you!"

"It wasn't on purpose," he said, right hand coming up to hide the blush on his own face. "I'm sorry for… for making you uncomfortable, (y/n)-chan!"

Uncomfortable? Did Sanji have any clue just how comfortable you actually felt? The problem wasn't that you were uncomfortable in the proximity; it was that you were too comfortable, to the point that you never wanted to leave. But that would be a dead giveaway of your feelings, right?

"Okay, this is just painful to watch now," Nami sighed, jolting the two of you. You had nearly forgotten that she and Robin were right there, and they had seen everything. She looked at you unhappily, mouth set in a tight line. "How about you two get a room and make out there?"

"Nami!" You cried out. She really just gave away your crush like that?!

"Just be grateful I'm not demanding money to make up for what I just had to witness," she sniffed haughtily, swinging her legs back onto the chair and pulling down her sunglasses. "Seriously, you two, go talk shit out. Or else, knowing you, you will just be awkward around each other and that's gonna be even more painful to watch."

She wasn't totally wrong. You were planning to avoid him, possibly by jumping off the Sunny and drowning to death since you didn't know how to swim. But that wasn't really a solution and even you could admit that.

"W- What's there to talk-?" Sanji seemed a little scared, wide eyes glancing between the three of you. Nami ignored him, and you were too flustered to look him in the eyes. Nami's suggestion was essentially for you to come clean, wasn't it? But that was easier said than done. The fear of rejection and the eventual awkwardness was gripping your insides in a chokehold, and you couldn't move your feet even if you tried.

"Sanji," Robin said calmly. "Pick up (y/n) and go to the kitchen."

"Huh?" You were startled at her words. Pick you up?! No way! "No, no way, I'm too… I'm too heavy, there's no need for that!" Even as you said that, you couldn't actually bring yourself to move.

"I don't really get it," Sanji admitted, looking between the three of you as he spoke, "but I can do that. (Y/n)-chan?"

"No, Sanji–" the protests died down the moment he bent down and picked you up like you weighed nothing. Even as he walked you across the deck, you couldn't help but think that it was kind of hot just how easily he picked you up. "Sanji…"

He didn't look at you until you were in the kitchen and the door was closed behind the two of you. He walked over to the table and then carefully placed you on it, as if you were a teacup made of fine china teetering with tea. Finally, he let his clear blue eyes stare down at you, the expression on his face more vulnerable and exposed than you had ever seen on him.

"Sanji?"

"I know I made you uncomfortable," he said quietly, backing away. His hands came up to rub away the blood but it only made it spread around and you winced at seeing that. You never wanted to see any blood on Sanji, if you could help it. "I touched your… you. It wasn't my intention, I swear! I just, I wanted, I–"

He abruptly shut up, looking frustrated with himself.

"Sanji."

He didn't look up, fists clenching at his side the moment you said his name.

"Come here, Sanji," you whispered, holding out your hands to beckon him closer. His eyes flickered over your face, as if trying to gauge out what you were feeling, even as he followed through your request without a second thought. You pulled out the handkerchief he had given you long back, and wiped away the blood over his upper lip and cheeks carefully before you picked up his hand. The thumb was bloody too, so you gently held the limb in one of your hands and wiped it with the other. "You didn't make me uncomfortable, Sanji."

He stayed quiet as you continued to wipe it until it was all gone.

"Didn't I?" He said the moment you were done.

"No," you said, looking up at him. You didn't let go of the hand, though you dropped the handkerchief beside you. Somehow, holding his hand seemed to give you the courage to make the admission Nami had told you to. "I… Sanji, I like you. A lot more than I ever thought it was possible to feel towards someone. I like you so much that it physically hurts when I see you flirting with other women. I like you so much that my heart feels warm whenever you are around, and I feel so safe in your arms that I never want to leave. I like it when you are close to me. But I know that you don't like me like that, so whenever you get so close, and I can't help but want you so much, it's painful for me. I never want to let you go."

Sanji's eyes darkened with every word you spoke, a gradual change that you didn't notice at first because you were all in over your head. His hands hovered around your waist as you finished.

"Who told you?" His voice was a little hoarse, and he cleared his throat the moment he realised how desperate he sounded.

"Told me what?" You asked timidly, looking down at your lap.

"That I don't like you?" Sanji's voice was a broken whisper like yours had been. "I have never heard anything more untrue than that. All this time, I wanted you but I kept my feelings to myself. Because you deserve so much, so much more than I am, so much more than I can give. I wanted and I wanted and I felt so greedy, wanting more and more of you, more than you would let me have– I wanted anything you were ready to give, and I also wanted everything you have to give. I thought you wouldn't want someone like me, when there are so many better options around for you–"

"What?" You couldn't help but laugh. All his words were making you delirious; this had to be some wild dream you had conjured up. It didn't feel real. None of it did. "I had better options around? Sanji, I was so sure you would never look twice at me! I never felt like I was pretty enough, or good enough to get your attention and you're telling me… I had better options? That's so–"

You kept laughing, body shaking from the weight of the laughter. Sanji stared at you, unsure hands still hovering around you. His fingers twitched from holding back the urge to pull you into him.

"You are the prettiest girl I have ever seen," he mumbled. "Not good enough to get my attention? Darling, you have had all of my attention ever since I met you. No other woman could compare to you from the moment you made your place in my heart known."

"Did I really have all your attention?" You asked, letting your insecurities bubble up. Now that you were both being honest, it was better to get it all out of the way, right? "Even when you looked at the other women…"

"I never looked at them the way I did you," his words were sincere, and in that moment, they were enough. You looked up at him, and your body broke into shivers the moment you realised the heat in his eyes as he stared down at you; like you were some unique dish he was finally getting the chance to eat after years of craving it.

"I didn't want the other options, Sanji," you whispered, the volume enough for the proximity you were in. "The only one I ever wanted was you."

You held his collars and pulled him in, and it was like he finally snapped, now that he had permission. His hands immediately grasped at your sides, gently holding the soft flesh there as he kissed you. And now it was your time to give and give, while he took from you like your lips were spilling with ambrosia and he was determined to get every drop. His warm breath fanned over your lips and the goosebumps on your skin rose again, your fingers tightening around the collars of his shirt.

When he let your lips go, he was greeted with the sight of your flushed and pleasantly buzzed expression, like you were drunk on him. Seeing you like that, because of him, it was enough to get him groaning.

"So beautiful," he whispered, leaving feather light kisses all over your face. "So gorgeous. All for me. All… for me to have?"

"Yeah," you whispered, looking up at him and seeing the devastated yet over-the-moon expression on Sanji's face. Even without words, he could always just cleave into your heart and press himself within its walls like they were made to fit him, and only him. "You can be greedy. Take all you want. I'm all yours."

°•❀•°

[gingiesworld]

Don’t Shut Me Out

Wanda Maximoff x GN Reader

Warnings : Ansgt, fluff

18+ MINORS DNI

Taglist : @natashamaximoff-69 @canvascoloredin @wizardofstories @louxbloom @wandanats-goodgirl @the-ox-fan20 @ladyqueenxoxo @aemilia19 @wandaromamoff69 @mfd-101 @dorabledewdroop @marvelogic @dopeyouth @karsonromanoff @bimad (if you want to be added to my taglist, please DM me or comment)

Y/N was always the one person everyone could count on to bring laughter to the compound, they helped Peter and Yelena with their pranks on the other members, they always ran with Steve at 5am every morning, trained with Natasha every chance they could, they even helped Tony and Bruce in the labs with their research, but most of all, they loved spending their time with their girlfriend, Wanda. The two loved to watch Wanda's favourite sit coms together, snuggled up on the sofa, the two loved to cook together. Well it was more Wanda cooking as Y/N distracted her, but as the weeks went on, that began to change. Everyone watched as Y/N had started to fade from the person they used to be, they were no longer the happy person the Avengers had once knew.

Y/N had become closed off, barely talking to anyone, spending most of their time going over files from previous missions in the briefing room unless they were on a mission, which seemed to be every time one had been assigned. Wanda watched as they started to lose weight, barely eating enough, nibbling on a granola bar here and there. Their eyes were sunken and empty, nothing but pain and despair in their eyes. Wanda watched as they had locked themselves in the briefing room once more after returning from a mission.

"They're back at it again." Natasha stated as she stood beside Wanda, the two watching as Y/N combed through old files. "Do you know what they're looking for?"

"No." Wanda told her, her eyes never leaving Y/N's form. "They won't tell me anything."

"Just give them time, Wanda." Nat spoke softly as Wanda scoffed.

"It's been weeks and they have only pushed me away! They have pushed everyone away and for what?!" Wanda spoke, frustration laced within her tone. "No one fucking knows because they won't talk to anyone. They don't even have a small conversation with any of us!" Wanda started to walk away with Natasha on her heels, not realising that Y/N had heard her every word, but their eyes still combing through the files they had found on their family, the one they had lost when they were just a child before they were thrown into the system.

That night, Wanda had done her usual routine, giving up on Y/N ever joining her to go to sleep. Her eyes combed over their side of the bed, untouched and unslept in like it has been for weeks. Jumping when she heard the door open, not expecting to see Y/N enter the room, a blank look on their face as they looked into her eyes. The tension building between them, Wanda's heart racing within her chest, not knowing what was about to unfold between the two of them.

"I heard you." Was the first words Wanda had heard them speak in weeks, their voice almost strange to her. "I heard what you said to Natasha."

"I didn't." Wanda started as she stood up and started to walk towards them, Y/N cutting her off as they chuckled dryly, looking down at the carpet.

"I know you meant what you said." They told her, no emotion in their voice as their eyes then met her own. "And I know you want things to go back to the way they were."

"I miss you, Y/N!" She spoke loudly as she stopped a few feet in front of them. "I miss the person you were, the person who I fell in love with."

"I am still that person, Wanda! I just." They sighed as they looked anywhere but in her eyes. "Right now, I have something that I need to do, something that I need to know."

"Let me help you." Wanda told them softly as Y/N shook their head in denial. "You aren't alone anymore, you have a family here and we are always going to be here for you."

"You know, I have heard those words before." They spoke sadly, their eyes finally met with hers, causing her to faulter as she noticed the despair within them. "My mother said those words to me, it was only weeks before they left me." Wanda watched as they started to pace the floor. "I spent years thinking I was abandoned, thinking that they didn't want me anymore, but that wasn't what happened." Wanda waited as they took a deep shaky breath. "They were murdered! They were taken away from me!" They had tears streaming down their face as Wanda remained in place, listening to them. "My mom, my dad and my baby brother! All three of them taken away from me and for what?! Some fucking document that my mother had kept hidden on SHIELD's behalf!! Not wanting it to get into the wrong hands!!" Wanda stepped towards them slowly, cautiously reaching out to take their hand in hers. "My baby brother was only four." They whispered. "FOUR FUCKING YEARS OLD!! AND THEY KILLED HIM!!"

"How do you know this?" Wanda questioned as Y/N chuckled, moving her hand to their cheek, closing their eyes as they took deep breaths, trying to calm themselves.

"That scientist we captured." They whispered as Wanda watched them closely. "He knew my name because he knew my mother. She was sent on an undercover mission to retrieve that intel and she died because SHIELD can't protect their own agents." She watched as they opened their eyes, gazing into her own. "I just." They paused as they reached for her face, caressing her cheek, their eyes never leaving hers. "I needed to know the truth." They whispered, Wanda's own heart breaking at the pain in their voice. "I couldn't rest until I found the truth."

"Do you know who did it?" Wanda questioned as Y/N nodded their head yes. "Who?" She pressed on as they didn't answer her.

"It doesn't matter." They told her as they moved away from her, heading towards the door once more.

"DON'T DO THAT!" Wanda yelled as their hand touched the door handle. "DON'T SHUT ME OUT AGAIN!" Y/N turned around to face her, tears of her own falling down her cheeks. "I am here for you Y/N, I am always going to be here for you." She spoke firmly as she stood her ground. "Let me be here for you, like you are always there for me because I don't think I can go through these last few weeks again." Y/N waited for her to continue. "I have watched you fade away into a ghost of who you once were, you haven't really ate a meal in I don't know how long. You have barely slept if at all, I just." She took a deep breath before she continued. "Watching you fade into the darkness broke my heart because I couldn't be there for you."

"You're right." They whispered shamefully. "I thought that keeping you at arms length would make it easier on the mission."

"It wasn't a mission." Wanda spoke matter of factly.

"IT WAS MY MISSION!" Y/N yelled as they pointed at their own chest harshly. "IT WAS MY BURDEN TO BARE AND TO BARE IT ALONE!"

"YOU ARE NOT ALONE!" Wanda yelled as she stepped closed to them. "YOU ARE NEVER EVER ALONE! NOT ANYMORE! YOU HAVE YOUR FAMILY HERE!" Wanda took a deep breath before she continued. "We may not be blood or known you since birth, but we are all bound together by our own desire for justice for those who are unable to attain it." She sighed as she soon looked softly into their eyes. "You once told me that family isn't always bound by blood, but the same goal we all have to make this world a better and safer place. To make sure that other children don't go through the hardships we have faced in our own childhood, make sure they don't lose their families in unnecessary wars and battles, but those here, within this compound and this team, we are a family, of the dysfunctional kind."

"I'm sorry." Y/N whispered as they broke down, falling to their knees as they sobbed uncontrollably, Wanda following them as she wrapped her arms around them, humming the lullaby her mother had always sung to herself and Pietro when they were children. She didn't care for the uncomfortable position they were in, she only cared about being there for Y/N when they needed her. Her only goal was to make Y/N realise that they are never truly alone, that they have a whole family there who will pick them up when they need the help.

[sombreset]

I’m still not over Deadpool & Wolverine: WWIII. At all.

(Spoilers, also cw for blood and gore and just. Weird imagery)

There’s SO much stuff that happens in this comic, way more than I am posting here, that really digs deep into why Wade and Logan are so intertwined. They both suffered horribly. They’re both near immortal. They’ll both outlive everything they know. They both have rage that doesn’t ever seem to go away, they just have very different coping mechanisms.

This comic LITERALLY intertwines them, in more than one way.

First example is the one most people talk about, which is the whole thing where Logan cuts off a chunk of his own leg and cooks it for Wade so he has at least something to eat (is it gay to make the decision to cut off a piece of yourself and give it to another man so he has something to eat, even tho you both technically don’t need to eat, it just helps? Who knows)

Second example is the end of the comic, which I wish more people would talk about. While they’re fighting a big bad, Wade gets torn apart. Like… crushed. Into pieces. Past the point where Logan thinks regenerative healing can save him. And Logan is, despite all his complaining of how much he doesn’t like Wade, destroyed. Scared, and as the big bad points out— afraid.

Logan then goes into an absolute blind rage. He’s in pain. He’s scared. He genuinely thinks he lost Wade, and he loses it.

All the while, a small voice can be heard telling him to stop. Begging him to stop. He’s lost control. The antagonists of the comics wanted this, and while Logan is thrashing around they intentionally teleport him in front of a mother and child, fully expecting Wolverine to not tell the difference between friend or foe and kill them. Logan certainly cannot tell what he’s doing at this point. He can hardly see.

And then…

Suddenly, Wade. Because some of Wade’s blood got into Logan, he literally grew OUT of him, just in time to stop him from murdering innocent people. Because Logan had fully lost control. Wade pleads with him to stop, and in the end he literally pulls out one of Logan’s bones and shoves it into his face to get him to actually snap out of it. Afterwards, they have a lot of really good conversation, but to avoid clogging this post more— tldr Wade calms Logan down, and tells him “Nobody can decide we’re monsters but us.” Which… I love.

Later on after the fight, there’s this funny panel (and a few before) where Wade’s like dude we are sharing your ass AND dick rn isn’t that crazy and then yeah he makes the comment about being “in” Logan which. Nice

Anyways crazy b/c by the end of this comic, parts of Logan have literally been inside of Wade (chunk of Logan’s leg eaten by Wade) and ALL of Wade has been in Logan (he fucking grew out of him)

This comic is VERY good go read it if you haven’t

[daydreamkissesxo]

Father Charlie x reader| Sinner pt 6; Death is the only salvation

A/N; this is pure chaos and I am so sorry🫣

Mentions of murder, hospitals, medical terms, kidnapping, manipulation, swearing, blasphemy, dark dark themes (I hope I didn’t forget anything)

It had been seven months since you'd left with your daughter and Father Charlie was still no closer to locating you.

He'd heard from one of the sisters that your mother was just as distraught as she was the first time you'd gone missing, but he was in no position to comfort her this time.

The thought of losing you was painful, but the thought of losing his little girl was even worse.

He'd missed out on important milestones, her first smile or the first time she'd tried a delicious ice cream, he'd definitely missed out on hearing her first word.

He knew what he'd done to you was unforgivable, but he was an attentive father and your decision to kidnap his child was far more damaging than anything he'd ever done.

He'd often lay awake at night wondering where you were, whether another man had taken on the role of daddy to his darling girl.

Every spare minute he had was spent calling every motel in the next town and the town over from that, and despite there being no sighting of you, he never lost hope.

His desperation was so great he even considered leaving the church altogether so he could search for you in person, determined to search the ends of the earth if he had to.

It was a random call at 3am one morning that he'd finally gained information of your whereabouts, a motel owner that Father Charlie had once called and left a description of you with had claimed to have seen a young woman matching it.

Desperate to catch you before you'd inevitably move again, Father Charlie had made the decision to make the journey the very same hour.

The motel was a four hour drive away but he was determined to get there quicker, even if it meant endangering his life by dangerous driving.

He'd regretted not asking if anyone other than your daughter had accompanied you that night, the thought of any man sleeping beside you made him viciously angry but the thought of actually having to see it made him murderous.

While he was regretful of his actions, he was hopeful that they'd have at least ruined any chance of you ever trusting another man in your lifetime.

Father Charlie could tolerate most things in regards to your life after him, but replacement was never going to be one of them.

Father Charlie had arrived at the roadside motel at 6:45am exactly, it wasn't a place you'd take a child but in desperation it would suit anyone's needs.

The run down building and the shady characters that hung around outside were clear signs it was accommodating to all, it left him somewhat concerned about the conditions his dear daughter would be staying in.

He quickly retrieved a cash filled envelope from the glove compartment before slipping it into his coat's inner pocket and exiting the car.

He carefully stepped over the drunken man slumped in the doorway of the dingy motel before entering, the strong stench of alcohol lingering in the reception area was headache inducing.

"You here about that woman and her kid?" A man asked from behind the desk, he looked as rough as the motel itself.

"Yes, are they still here?" Father Charlie replied, stepping closer to the desk before reaching into his pocket for the envelope.

The man glanced down at the envelope with pure greed, he didn't care what Father Charlie wanted or why he was so keen to find you, he was simply after the reward.

Father Charlie watched as the man placed a key onto the counter, the small keyring attached was engraved with your supposed room number.

"Second door on the left." The man informed, sliding the key closer to the edge of the counter.

Father Charlie exchanged the key for the envelope of cash, watching as the man's eyes lit up brighter than a Christmas tree.

It sickened him to know someone was profiting off of his misery, but information of your whereabouts was worth the world's weight in gold.

There wasn't even as much as a thank you from either men, both satisfied with what they'd just received that it just felt even.

Father Charlie left the motel reception in search of your room and when he'd finally arrived, his mind had become torn on how he should approach the situation.

He wanted to punish you for what you'd done, he thought about snatching your daughter and fleeing in the same cruel way you did, or perhaps torturing you into sincerely apologising as he knew no sane woman would be apologetic towards someone like him.

His hand trembled both with anger and fear, fear towards himself as he worried just what he'd do when he'd finally set eyes on you.

Upon entering the damp ridden motel room, father Charlie was left confused as there was no sight of you or your daughter, but there were also no signs to suggest anyone was even staying there.

He was furious, either the shady man behind the counter has taken advantage of his desperation or you'd fled before he got the chance to confront you.

He checked the room regardless, almost breaking the bathroom door off the hinges in a rage as he flung it open.

It was as he was exiting the room that he spotted a familiar plushie tucked away beside the double bed, a small white bunny he'd gifted his daughter the very day she was born.

Father Charlie crouched down to pick it up, he held it in his hand as he examined just how loved it had been, the visible discolouration from the constant cuddling and the tiny little stains probably from all the travels she'd taken it on.

Discovering the bunny felt like a sign from god himself, it further fuelled his determination to find his beautiful little girl as she was now not only without her father but her bunny too.

He held the bunny close as he left the unoccupied motel room, knowing that you can't have gone far given both the time and the fact your daughter would have undoubtedly had you return for her bunny, he headed towards his car.

The distant sound of a young child crying pulled him out of his thoughts, it wasn't a familiar cry but one that would make any parent instinctively turn their heads.

Father Charlie glanced over at the car parked directly opposite his, and in an amazing turn of events, there you stood as you attempted to console your distressed daughter.

The small child in your arms had grown dramatically since the last time he'd seen her, she could now hold the weight of her own head and fit comfortably against your hip instead of occupying both arms.

She had perfectly plump cheeks, and a head of visibly soft hair, enough to tie back in a tiny ponytail.

Father Charlie could wait no longer, he stormed over and pulled at one of your arms in an attempt to spin you around to face him.

Your fear filled eyes met his and your arms instinctively wrapped around your daughter to shield her from the monster in human form.

"Stay away from us." You warned, attempting to sound brave despite the wavering of your voice.

He looked visibly wounded by the fear you displayed, he'd never considered himself as scary as you attempted to portray.

He took a step closer regardless of your warning, reuniting his daughter with her bunny would end her distress and reuniting with her would end his.

"Here, sweetheart. Look.." he whispered softly as he held the bunny up high enough for her to see, he'd noticed the way you flinched as his hand came closer and it made him nauseas.

Your daughter's small hand reached out for the bunny, and in return for her plushie she flashed her father a shy smile, one that made him smile warmly in return.

You allowed your daughter to retrieve her bunny, but you were in no way going to allow father Charlie to force his way back into your lives.

"I mean what I say, stay away from us." You calmly warned once more as you turned away from him, opening the front passenger door to place your daughter into her car seat.

Knowing that your daughter would be safe and secure in her car seat as he unleashed his rage on you was the only reason he hadn't fought to stop you, you just weren't aware of it.

He waited for you to close her door before stepping in front of you to stop you from walking around to the drivers side.

"It's funny how protective you are of her considering I was the one who stopped you from aborting her." He said casually, that same sinister expression staring back at you.

You were horrified at his crass comment, he always had a way with words and he always knew how to hurt you without even getting physical.

"I regret visiting that clinic, I really do." You confidently replied, boldly stepping closer as fear had very quickly been replaced with fury.

"But I regret what I did with you even more."

Your attempt to get under his skin was successful, he was allowed to regret it but you certainly weren't, your entire existence was only meant to be for him.

He refused to believe there was any truth in your words, you couldn't be as brazen as him even in desperation.

"You'd say anything to get me to leave you alone right now, but I'm not leaving my daughter! You can't deny her of a father." He asserted, stepping aside as you did to further block your way.

"This is harassment! I will call the police!" You angrily replied, struggling to push yourself past him as the car parked beside yours left you little to no room.

"Who the hell would believe you over a priest?!" He laughed, finding your threat all too amusing.

The mention of the police made him realise just how much easier it would be for him to retrieve his daughter as he could make any wild claim and they'd be trusting of him, so instead of fighting he simply stood aside.

"Please, call them."

You were naively unaware of his intentions, instead believing that he had finally come to his senses in letting you go.

You stepped around him and he turned to watch you as you began to walk around to the opposite side of the car.

You abruptly stopped and turned to face him once more, every last insult you'd waited to hurl at him springing to the front of your mind at once, and if it were to be the last time you ever saw him you'd definitely want him to hear what you now truly thought of him.

"I pray to god you're struck by fucking lightning one day, that or you're in some freak accident. You're no priest, you're the devil." You harshly spat, your expression both sour and resentful as you glared at him.

The smirk that grew on his face fuelled your rage even further, he was so sickeningly shameless it almost made your skin crawl.

You nervously laughed in response, your feet involuntary took several steps back while your head shook in utter disbelief.

"You need serious help, and I don't mean from the Lord. I mean real fucking help, you're a psycho!" You added, unaware that the distance you'd unknowingly created left you standing in the middle of the car park with a far distance between you and your car.

Father Charlie calmly shrugged off your insults, he took a step closer but the sound of a roaring engine prevented him from taking any more.

You were so preoccupied with your anger for father Charlie that you failed to register the car approaching at high speed, it was a matter of milliseconds before the vehicle's bonnet not only collided with your body but harshly knocked it onto the ground.

The impact was so brutal it left you immediately unconscious, there was a growing pool of blood surrounding your head that coated the gravel beneath it.

Father Charlie froze in shock, the timing was impeccable considering the mouthful you were giving him and your daughter was now free to take for himself.

He glanced over at the clearly intoxicated driver, unsure whether to thank him or curse him for what he'd just done to the woman he cared so deeply for but he was robbed of either chance as the driver reversed before conveniently swerving off.

Father Charlie remained still as he looked over at your lifeless body, his eyes scanned over every inch of you and for a brief moment he felt conflicted on what was best to do.

He could save you and risk losing his daughter once more, or he could simply take his child and allow her to finally live in peace.

Upon arrival at the hospital the doctors quickly confirmed you'd suffered several fractured ribs along with a punctured lung, internal bleeding, bruising to the chest and abdomen as well as a traumatic brain injury.

Your still unconscious body endured several scans before you were rushed into emergency surgery to repair your pneumothorax.

Father Charlie sat patiently in the hospital cafeteria, your daughter had fallen asleep in his arms and the peace had finally given him time to think of his next move, something he did quite often

After your successful surgery, you were then placed in the intensive care unit to be monitored as the doctors waited for you to awaken.

You were placed on a ventilator to aid your breathing post operation, while several tubes connected to your lungs rest across your chest and hung down beside your bed to drain the internal bleed.

Father Charlie sat in the armchair beside your hospital bed, your daughter sat on his lap as he held her close, he was amazed by how quickly she'd grown as the last time he'd held her at your bedside was the day of her birth.

He quickly came to realise that perhaps if he had not lied to your mother that day, the two of you may have been in completely different circumstances, and he wouldn't be sitting beside your now unconscious body.

He slid one of his hands into his trouser pockets to retrieve the small silver cross pendant that he'd hoped to have given you the day you left, he took a moment to admire it before extending his arm to place the pendant into your open hand.

"Mommy's going to get better, isn't she sweetheart?" He rhetorically asked, turning his attention back towards your daughter before lifting his hand to softly stroke her hair.

The gentle moment between father and daughter was soon interrupted by the sound of a loud bang, Father Charlie looked up only to be met with your mother bursting through the door in such urgency that the door handle at collided with the wall.

"Oh my god!" She exclaimed in panic, rushing to the opposite side of your bedside to gain a closer look at the injuries you'd sustained, she was yet to register that your daughter was sat on Father Charlie's lap.

"What the hell happened to her?" She asked, fighting off tears as she didn't want to cause further distress to your daughter.

It hadn't occurred to your mother that Father Charlie was always at the scene of your misfortunes, perhaps she was always too trusting of him, but the way he held your daughter made her question everything she thought she knew.

Your mother glanced down at the small child in his arms, growing increasingly concerned for her welfare as she believed the man that held her was nothing more than a stranger.

Father Charlie held your daughter closer as your mother began to walk around the bed towards him, his one hand gently holding the back of her head while the other hand held her mid back.

"Thank you for all of your help, Father..but I'll take it from here." Your mother said calmly, holding her arms out for him to hand your daughter over.

His resistance was unnerving and her thoughts began to spiral, had there always been a sinister twinkle in Father Charlie's eyes?

"I'd like to take my granddaughter now."

Father Charlie shook his head, standing from his seated position to take several steps back in hope of creating a fair distance between himself and your mother.

"I won't be handing her over to you, She's MY daughter. I've ordered a fast track DNA test so you'll get the confirmation soon enough." He calmly informed her, his thumb softly stroking the small girls back in an attempt to comfort her.

Your mother stared at him in absolute horror, her eyes wide while a montage played within her mind of all the times she'd unknowingly allowed you to be alone in his company.

She very nearly fainted from the shock, her trembling hand reached out for the frame of the hospital bed to support herself as her knees threatened to buckle.

"That day you supposedly found her.."

Your mother was breathless, panicked and in utter disbelief as the man she'd believed helped her daughter was the very cause of her suffering.

"Yes, she'd been there all along. She spent her pregnancy with me." He confirmed, shrugging it off so casually despite seeing the state your mother was now in.

"You didn't look very far, Perhaps you should reflect on your poor parenting skills? Some of us haven't stopped searching for our daughters." He cruelly added, cradling your daughter tenderly as if he were taunting your mother by remaining in possession of the little girl.

Your mother looked at him in absolute disgust, she felt physically nauseas now she'd been made aware of his manipulative ways.

"You chose the wrong family to do this to. I will expose the real you to every single one of the parishioners, to every bishop I can find." She replied through gritted teeth, remaining calm for the sake of your darling daughter.

Father Charlie looked at her in amusement, shaking his head at what he considered a pathetic attempt at a threat.

"Your daughter is unconscious, and I'm currently the only active guardian of your granddaughter..is it wise to make such threats?" He asked, tilting his head very slightly as his sadistic smile grew.

"You should leave, Y/N deserves to rest in peace."

His very clever choice of words paired with the current state of your body left your mothers entire body trembling, she came to the conclusion that Father Charlie was the one responsible for the accident in some psychotic revenge plot.

She feared what may happen if she were to leave, but she also feared what could happen if she'd refused to and given the state you were already in, your daughter's life was her current concern.

"I'll be back later to check on my daughter." She said timidly, raising her hand to nervously pull the strap of her handbag further onto her shoulder as she rushed out.

Father Charlie glanced down at your daughter as she lifted her head to look up at him, her infectious little smile causing him to chuckle despite his anger.

"That grandmother of yours is a silly woman, isn't she?" He asked, expecting no answer at all but a tiny squeal from her took him completely by surprise.

The big beautiful eyes that stared up at him held more light than the entire world possessed, and it was during that moment that he'd finally realised the two of you should have only ever prioritised her happiness irregardless of what either of you felt towards one another.

You woke from your unconscious state later that evening, your entire body ached as if you'd been hit by a ten tonne boulder but your only concern was your daughter's whereabouts.

Father Charlie was sat in the hospital cafeteria with your daughter when a nurse informed him of your awakening, he wasn't in a rush to greet you as he enjoyed the thought of letting you panic, just as he panicked when you'd ran off with his child.

When he did decide to return to your room thirty minutes later, he walked in so casually with your daughter sat on his hip while she held a small bouquet of daisies.

Despite the overwhelming pain in your chest and abdomen you'd managed to push yourself to sit up, ready to take your child from his hands as he walked over but instead he took the seat beside your bed.

"We got you these beautiful flowers." He said as he placed them into your lap, his sinister tone no longer lingering.

"Didn't we, sweetheart?" He asked as he turned to look down at your smiling daughter who sat happily on his lap, he loved how much she cared for him as she was the last thing tying the two of you together.

"Give me my daughter." You demanded through gritted teeth, groaning softly in agony as you attempted to reach for her.

"Did you know that daisies represent a fresh start?" He asked, casually dismissing your demand and clear display of pain.

"You're in no fit state to take care of yourself let alone our daughter, I'll be here to take care of you both." He added, looking up from your daughter to finally see the look of disgust staring back at him.

"Over my dead fucking body will I ever let you back into our lives." You spat back, tears of hatred beginning to flood your waterline.

Father Charlie chuckled in amusement, he could have very easily left your unconscious body on the car park gravel to take your daughter, but he didn't.

"The secret is out Y/N. Your mother knows all about our filthy little secret, so either appreciate my honesty and start complying..or I can make things very difficult for your family."

You couldn't even register his threat, the thought of your mother knowing the truth made your stomach twist in painful knots, your throat felt as if a sharp knife had been wedged into it as it became harder to even breathe.

"You should have seen the look on her face..god, she looked so ashamed."

His tone was so scarily casual as his words carved into your heart, his intention was once again to scare you into compliance.

"Imagine how she'd feel knowing that her daughter was so fickle, that she ruined the life of her church's priest by not only seducing him, but purposely impregnating herself simply for a bit of fun." He added, twisting the truth as he often did best.

You shook your head in disagreement with his false statement, your trembling hand clutched at the duvet beside as you could barely contain your anger.

"That's a lie. It's all lies! You're a liar!" You exclaimed, your free hand held the left side of your chest as it began to throb in pain from your sudden tenseness.

Father Charlie rolled his eyes in annoyance for your outburst, it felt it completely unnecessary given the condition you were in.

"We're going to be a family, Y/N. I'm going to give up my priesthood and renew my medical license. I've found a house in a gated community, it's perfect." He sounded so enthusiastic, oddly prepared considering you'd been in a potentially deadly accident earlier in the day.

Ultimately you had no choice but to comply, you were once again trapped in his web of manipulation as you feared the shame of your mother and your community more than you even feared death.

He was correct, you were in no fit state to take care of yourself or your child so until you were able to plan one final escape, the two of you were left in his care.

Taglist; @targaryenswhxre @psychocitylights @yoongling @malf-azx @laviedemarii @makky444 @melaninjhs @strnqer 🫶🏼

[headmasterseverussnape]

Severus Snape, a small 16-year-old boy— too underweight and petite for his age, stood in his small bathroom glaring into the mirror as he brushed his teeth. Faster and faster, harder and harder he brushed. Brushing until he felt a metallic taste in his mouth. His eyes were bloodshot, his cheeks sallowish and his gums were bleeding as his mind was wracked with thoughts and memories he wished would just go away. His reflection glared back at him, his own dark lifeless eyes staring into his very soul that had been tormented for all his ‘pitiful’ life.

Oh, it was just another day. Just another day of being harassed and bullied by those ‘perfect little heroes’ known as the Marauders. His tormentors. It was another day he lost himself to the unbearable anger and pain that resided in the back of his dark little mind. Another day of causing disappointment to the one person he cared about, Lily Evans. Just another day of being treated less than a person because of his blood and class status as well as the way he looked.

He continued to glare at himself in the mirror. He hated it. He hated himself. He hated his reflection. He hated his father who mercilessly beat him and his mother on bad days, which was most days. He hated the marauders who tormented and harassed him for no good reason. He hated the teachers and staff who ignored him for not being popular, rich or a pureblood. He hated how he could SEE his poverty, his weakness, his filth. It sickened him.

His reflection was proof of his tainted blood. It was proof he would never be like the ‘heroic’ James Potter whom everyone seemed to love. It was proof he would never have the humor of Sirius Black, whose jokes could make anyone laugh even if they were utterly terrible. It was proof he would never be like Remus Lupin who was a coward but seen as shy and likable guy. It was proof he would never be like Peter Pettigrew who was pathetic in a way that added to the credibility of his tormentors, that made it seem so utterly impossible they could ever do any wrong.

He knew. He knew Lily Evans was taking a liking to them. He could see it in her eyes. Every time she’d glance at Potter or smile at Black’s jokes. He knew he was slowly losing her to them. It was only a matter of time and he knew he could do nothing to stop it.

“Heh.. they’re right... I must be pathetic... I can’t even hold onto one person… the one person that cared for me…”

Blood dripped down from his lips as he spoke, going into the sink’s drain and disappearing. He watched through the mirror as his blood fell to the bottom of the sink. He chuckled, how pathetic did he have to be? The grip he had on his toothbrush tightened, as he went back to brushing. Harder and harder and harder. Trying to get the filth to disappear. The filth no one but himself could see.

He dropped the toothbrush, as the memories of his torment pervaded his mind. He looked down at the sink as he spat out more of his blood, watching it disappear down the dark drain. Oh, how he wished he could follow.

He quickly glanced up at the mirror once more, looking through his dark messy and greasy hair. He clenched his jaw tightly, anger clouding his judgment.

Slamming his fist into the thing, he broke it and watched as it shattered into pieces. His knuckles were now bloody and bruised but he didn’t care. He’s had worse, why would he care about something as trivial as this?

“Pathetic. You’re so *pathetic*. So- so *weak!* It’s utterly humiliating-! No wonder *she* wants to be with them rather than you! You deserve this. They know it, she knows it- Heh. Even *you* know it.”

He slammed his fist into the broken glass again, letting his knuckles get scratched up and bruised even more. It was nothing he couldn’t handle. Not after the beatings and bullying he went through. This was- this was practically child’s play compared to what he’s already been through. He was numb to it.

[fanficwritinggirl]

But daddy I love him (Ryan, Yellowstone)

“Come on, it’ll only be for a few hours. I can get you back before you dad even knows that you left,” his lips peppering her neck, making her head roll back and moan. “Please baby, I just want a few hours with you,” she scrunches her face up and she sighs at his pleas.

“I wish I could, you know I do. But you know what he is like.” Adeline Dutton loved her father, she really did; but if he were to find out that she was dating one of the ranch hands, he would lose his shit. Being the youngest had its perk, she always got what she wanted, always had her dad full attention, which was more than what she could say for her 4 other siblings. But as she got older, she wanted to do what every other teenager and young adult was doing, partying, drinking, sleeping around, dating; the attention she once ate up as a child was now a pain in her ass.

“Would it be the worst thing in the world if he found out,” his eyes now met her and her heart broke a little bit. Growing up, Adeline only really had one rule, do not ever be anything more than professional with the ranch hands or anyone who works with the Yellowstone. It had been easy enough for a long time, most of the ranch hands were old timers, like Lloyd or young assholes who knew nothing about how to be a cowboy. But let’s just say when Ryan showed up on the ranch just over a year ago, she said fuck you to that rule. For months they would look at each other from afar, never daring to do anything. It became a boring dance very quickly, so Adeline took the bull by the horns and took what she wanted, which was him. Ryan didn’t put up much of an argument, sick of the same old song and dance, so being the new guy on the ranch he took the late shift, putting tack away in the stables, which Adeline helped with so that they could spend more time together, stealing moments when they could. It was enough at the start, sleeping together in the small room in the stables, but as the months went by and their relationship progressed and intensified, they were now wanting more, especially Ryan who now wanted to show off his woman.

“Ryan, you know that he would kick you off of the ranch and then what,” he leans back on he knees giving her room to sit up and lean back on her elbows. Ryan shrugs, his gaze looking at his hands which were rubbing her legs.

“You could come with me,” his gaze meets hers and god those eyes did things to her. She hated this.

“Ryan,” she sat up fully, coming to her knees and taking his head in her hands, rubbing her petite fingers over his stubbled cheeks. “I love you, and you know what I would go anywhere with you, but what about my dad, he doesn’t have anyone, not really. Lee’s gone, his relationship with Kayce is still rocky, Beth is away doing whatever the fuck she does and let’s be honest Jamie is a massive pain in the ass. Without me he doesn’t really have anyone, and god I can’t stand the thought of him having this entire place and all these people but still being truly alone. It scares the shit out of me, Ryan. Really scares the shit out of me,” her voice breaks and Ryan shakes his head whiping the tears coming down her face.

“Hey baby, shh. It’s okay. I get it, it’s fine. I have you and as long as you love me, you have me, and I’ll do whatever you need me to do,” he lifts her head so he can look into her eyes. “You have me baby, in so many ways,” Adeline nods, wiping a tear away.

“God I feel like you are giving everything and I’m giving nothing in this relationship,” Ryan shakes his head, a smile painting his face.

“Trust me you give me enough, just in a different way,” Adeline gasps and shoves her hands into his chest pushing him back as he laughs.

“You are such a pig,” a smirk now playing on her lips as she looks at him. Grabbing her hand, she laughs as Ryan pulls her to him, her knees bending on either side of his thighs, sitting in his lap. She leans forwards, their noses meeting each other, her arms wrapping around his neck.

“I love you,” Ryan smiles.

“I love you too,” Adeline smirks at this, her hands running down his body finding the buckle on his trousers. She leans down to whisper in his ear.

“Let me show you how much I love you,” Ryan groans as she pushes him on his back and pulls her top over her head.

“ADELINE!,” her eyes shoot open, her mind groggy from a lack of sleep. Ryan moans next to her, a hand running over his eyes.

“ADELINE, ARE YOU IN HERE?” her eyes widen as realises the voice, her dad and Rip.

“Shit,” she shoot’s up grabbing some clothes.

“She’s not in here sir,” she hears Rip tell her dad.

“Well where else could she be,” her dad stresses, her heartbreaks a little. Ryan stumbles as he puts on his pants causing a noise. Adeline and Ryan look at each other, fear in both of their eyes.

“What was that?” A voice asks, Lloyd.

“Addie,” her dad voice is closer this time, footsteps coming closer to them. The door flies open revealing the two of them, thank god both of them had some clothing on, Ryan in his boxers, jeans on but not closed and she had Ryan’s shirt on and her panties.

Her dad face goes from shock to anger real quick.

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING WITH MY DAUGHTER!,” her dad grabs Ryan and shoves him into the wall.

“DAD!”

“JOHN!”

“SIR,” Rip and Lloyd move into the small room pulling at the older man away.

“DAD!” this time Adeline moves and pushes at her dad.

“John calm down,” Lloyd tells her father. Her hands move and takes Ryan’s face in her hands, looking him over.

“Are you okay,” she asks him, assessing him with her eyes.

“I’m fine baby,” he assures her, her relief is short lived when she hears Lloyd and Rip struggling to pull her dad back.

“YOU KEEP AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER, YOU HEAR. YOU ARE DONE, YOU HEAR, DONE.”

“Dad no.”

“Sir why don’t we all calm down,” Rip reasons.

“CALM DOWN, CALM DOWN. HOW AM I MEANT TO CALM DOWN WHEN MY DAUGHTER IS SLEEPING WITH ONE OF MY WORKERS,” Adeline shakes her head, stepping forward.

“Dad listen to me. I know you have always told me to keep it professional, to never do anything with the ranch hands but,” she looks over at Ryan who is looking at her with intrigue.

“This is more than just sleeping together and having some fun… I love him,” she looks at Ryan and smiles, he walks towards her and takes her hand.

“And I love her, Mr Dutton,” Rip and Lloyd drop their holds on him and watch the man carefully, not knowing what he was going to do next. John looks at the pair and sighs running his hand over his face.

“How much do you love her,” his gaze lands on Ryan, looking for an answer.

“More than anything.”

“And this is serious, you’re not doing this so you can say you have been with the bosses daughter,” Ryan shakes his head.

“No… I love her, I’ll love her till the day that I die,” Adeline looks at him with tears in her eyes, Ryan rubs his finger over her hand, smiling at her.

“And I promise that I will spend the rest of my life proving that I am good enough for her,” Adeline shakes her head and moves towards him taking his face in her hands.

“You are good enough for me,” she whispers before resting her head in the crook of his neck, causing Ryan to kiss her forehead.

John stares at the pair all not knowing what to say. Lloyd stand behind him a small smile on his lips as he looks at them, young love. Rip just looks at John not being able to anticipate what he was going to do next. Shaking his head John lets out a sigh.

“Well alright then,” before walking out the door. Adeline and Ryan look at Rip and Lloyd who were both shocked.

Untangling herself from Ryan she runs after her dad.

“Dad,” she comes to stand behind him just outside of the stable doors. Her dad stops, his back still to her.

“What does this mean?” John turns to her and looks at his baby, god when had she become so grown up.

“He’s a good man,” Adeline scoffs.

“Really, he’s a good man. 5 minutes ago you had him pinned up against a wall,” John nods, his head turned downwards.

“Yeah not my proudest moment, I will admit honey,” Adeline’s heart melts as the nickname, regret fills her.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about him. But I knew how you were going to react and I just… really wanted you to like him,” John nods.

“I do like him honey. He’s good for you,” John stands closer to her and puts his hands on her arms. “It’s just hard for me sometimes, to admit that you are grown up. But, he loves you, I can see that now and I just want you to be happy,” Adeline smiles at her dad.

“He makes me very happy,” John smiles at that.

“Then that’s all I could ask for,” Adeline pulls her dad into a hug, resting her head in his chest. John smiles, resting his cheek on the top of her head, just like he did when she was a little girl.

“Thank you dad,” pulling back John looks at her and nods.

Walking around the corner Colby and Jimmy stop as they take in the sight, the bosses daughter standing in nothing but panties and a shirt.

“Oh shit,” jimmy exclaims, causing colby to hit him in the arm. Adeline tenses realising what she was wearing. John shakes his head taking off him coat and wrapping it around his daughter.

“Go and put some clothes on, alright,” Adeline nods running back into the barn. Colby and Jimmy look at John, both shitting themselves.

“Morning, Mr Dutton,” Colby says awkwardly, his gaze on the floor as he lifts his hand towards his boss.

“You saw nothing, ya hear,” Colby and Jimmy nod.

“Saw absolutely nothing sir,” Jimmy tells him, his gaze off towards the mountains. John simply nods at the pair before walking off causing the men to let out a sigh of relief.

“What the hell was that?” Jimmy looks towards Colby who just raises his eyebrows and shakes his head.

“Absolutely, no idea.”

Jogging back into the stables, Adeline pulls her dad’s coat tighter, she was really starting to feel the cold. Lloyd, Rip and Ryan gaze turns to her as she walks towards them, Ryan immediately moving towards her, grabbing her and pulling her towards him. Adeline sighs, wrapping her arms around his neck and cozying her face into the crook.

“Are you okay?” He mutters into the side of her head as he pulls back to look at her. Adeline’s lips lift up as she nods.

“Yeah, I’m fine. A little cold though,” ryan chuckles taking in her attire.

“Well besides the coat, I think your outfit is perfect,” Adeline’s head falls back as she laughs.

“Well of course you would,” Ryan smirks pulling her closer again.

“Would someone please tell me, what the fuck is going on?” Rip explains from behind them causing the couple to turn and look at the two men. Lloyd smirks putting his hand of the younger man’s shoulder and looks towards Ryan and Adeline.

“Well you see Rip, it appears that these two love birds have been keeping their relationship a secret,” Rip shakes his head.

“I got that much Lloyd but I mean how long has this been going on for?” Adeline shrugs.

“A couple of months give or take, probably would have been longer if someone would have just made a move,” Ryan scoffs.

“I was trying to figure out how you felt, and hey I have no complaints about you pouncing on me,” Adeline raises her eyebrows.

“I did not pounce of you,” Ryan laughs.

“I vividly remember that it was you who pushed me against the wall,” Lloyd burst out laughing walking towards Adeline giving her a pat on the shoulder.

“Good woman, showing these boys up,” Adeline giggles putting her head on Ryan’s shoulder who is just shaking his head. The couples gaze falls to rip who is just staring at them. Adeline sighs.

“Rip, are you going to say anything?” A few moments pass before Rip simply walks fowards.

“Ryan I want you ready for work in 5 minutes, you’re already late. Adeline, please put some clothes on I don’t want any of them ranch hands looking at you, your father might actually murder someone today,” Adeline just shakes her head, silently laughing at Rip just being Rip.

“And Ryan,” the couple turn and look at him.

“Don’t break her heart, because it won’t be only her dad that would kill you,” and then he is gone. Ryan groans and his head falls back.

“I second that,” Adeline smiles at the older man who puts his hands on her shoulders and kiss her cheek.

“You really know how to bring some entertainment to this place, darling,” Adeline giggles, a smile on her face. Lloyd puts his hand on Ryan’s shoulder and just smirks.

“Good luck,” before walking out.

Letting out a massive sigh, Ryan yanks Adeline to himself, wrapping his arms around her, placing his head into her shoulder. Giggling, Adeline places her hand on his head and kisses it.

“You were shitting it, weren’t you,” Ryan groans.

“You have no idea, I actually thought your dad was going to kill me. My life flashed before my eyes,” Adeline cackles, kissing his shoulder.

“Well I think that you are off of my dad’s radar. I’m pretty sure you have won him over as well,” Ryan removes his head off of her shoulder and looks her in the eyes.

“Really?” She laughs at him, nodding and taking his face in her hands.

“He sees how much you love me, and how happy you make me. And that… that is all that he has ever wanted for me,” Ryan nods, leaning his forehead against hers.

“I promise Addie, that I am going to love you till the day that I die,” she smirks.

“That sound like something you would have in your vows,” Ryan laughs.

“Well someday I am going to make you my wife, but doesn’t mean that I can’t start making those promises now,” Adeline feels tears burning her eyes, one falling down her cheek. Ryan wipes the tears off of her cheeks and smiles at her.

“I love you,” smirking, ryan leans forward and gives her a peck on the lips .

“I love you too,” the two wrap their arms around each other and their lips meet. Ryan’s rough hands move down her body, running over her ass and to her thighs, hoisting her up into his arms, her legs wrapping around his waist as he pushed them again the wall causing them to both moan. Adeline wraps her fingers into his hair, giving them a slight tug causing him to groan, his head falling back.

“What the hell,” Adeline’s head snaps towards the doors of the stables seeing Colby and Jimmy now standing there.

“Oh for god sakes,” let’s just say, that this was just the start.

[sunlit-mess]

you are criminally underrated. *holds out hands like a sad victorian child* any tips for a young artist? :)

im a very. tired. artist.

To aspiring artists, I'm not sure what 'tips' or advice I can give that were not already said by another. However, I'll remind you anyway.

"There's no secret to art... just begin and keep going. That's all we can do."

Always set your pace, and take your time learning. Art is something that isn't rushed, rather it grows through experience. Think of it like exp points or something, the more you gain, the more you know and skills acquired. It doesn't mean you HAVE to abide by the principles or rules either, though it's best to know them. Knowledge comes in different ways and your method is yours to explore.

As for motivation, it's something you'd find attached to, a mission and values thing per se. Find your dedication, how will you strive, how much are you willing to pursue. What keeps you going? What WILL keep you determined?

We take criticism critically: Don't get your ego attached to every work, everyone has their own perspective. What I mean to say is to understand errors and find improvement. Be HONEST with yourself and your work. Nothing is ever wrong in art, hell- even the most fucked-up ones can look so beautiful and meaningful.

In social media or sharing artworks, it's cool to show them to your friends or relevant platforms your craft would be in, just gotta learn the long process of algorithm somehow... It's a pain, but never lose confidence! Believe in yourself. Even the tiniest of work, effort is counted as special. Because it's from you!

Lastly, enjoy what you do! Have fun once in a while, and best that you find fun all the time in your crafts! You create for a cause and not just to please. Art shouldn't be a cause to break you, rather it builds you.

I hope this message is enough? ::)

I've been drawing since I was young, now as an adult- my art is meh compared to other artists out there, but I still try my best to keep my mark around.

So much has happened in my life and I'm still VERY lost, especially in a path as an 'Artist'. Though, I fell off in art, burned out, and relapsed more than I can count,

nothing or no one can kill the part of me that just wants the world to see that I can still... Create.

[strawbeerossi]

This Is Me Trying

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Ex-wife!Reader

Description: Spencer shows up at his ex wife’s door late in the night, riddled with guilt from years of their separation and needing to confide to her why he left her the first place.

Content Warning: Prison arc discussed but no spoilers, mention of PTSD, mentions of drug addiction/relapse, mention of violence, heart wrenching angst, crying, cunnilingus, fingering, unprotected sex, missionary, lovemaking, aftercare, happy ending.

Word count: 4.5K

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The last thing that she expected was to hear a firm knock against her apartment door. It was ten in the evening, who would need anything from her this late? Maybe it was Mrs. Martin, the sweet little old lady next door, wanting to drop off some freshly baked treat that she wanted her to try before she took it to one of her game nights. Which, Y/N had to admit, she loved when she’d come by with her signature chocolate chip brownies, she always made a heaping amount to share with her younger neighbor just because she expressed liking them one time.

She was approaching the front door. Using the peephole of the door, her heart sunk. Instead of seeing an older woman with a plate of treats in her hand, she was met with Spencer Reid.

It had been years since they talked last, the last time being a tearful Y/N begging her husband not to walk out the door, to stay and work out their marriage that she was afraid was starting to crumble into a thousand pieces. She could remember the bitterness, the hatred in his voice.

“Wait! Spencer, baby, please.” Y/N’s voice was hoarse from sobbing, her throat raw from having to yell over his loud voice just to get him to listen. “I know it’s hard but I need you to stay, we can work this out together. You know that. We always do.” Spencer was turning his head to face his wife, already packing his clothes away. “I don’t want to fucking stay. I don’t want your pity. Ever since I got home, you’re treating me like I’m some sort of child! I’m not!” His tone was laced with venom, enough to make the tears spring up in Y/N’s eyes again.

She knew prison would chip away at the Spencer she’d fallen in love with five years ago but she never expected things to go down like this. She’d done everything she could’ve thought of. She always made him some of his favorite dishes, she’d read to him, she’d hold him when he sobbed in her arms and relived the most traumatic experience he’d went through thus far. It was never enough.

He was different now. Irritable, temperamental, and he had a hard time composing his anger, not to mention that his once beautiful honey colored irises were dull, almost lifeless. He lost himself in prison, he wasn’t ever going to be the same. Instead of always greeting her with a hug and a smile after his days at the BAU or after cases, she was greeted to him starting to distance himself from her. It went from him coming home an hour late, to two hours, then three. She stopped making dinner, she stopped staying up to wait for him, she even stopped trying to reach out to him.

There was guilt, her brain rattled with so many what-ifs. If she left him alone more, would he have stayed with her? Would he have given her the same amount of love and dedication he’d once given her before? What could she have done to make him slowly begin to push her away, to serve her with fucking divorce papers?

Her tears stained the documents, her signature blurred out from how much she sobbed over the idea of losing the one real thing she’d ever known. No matter how much she wanted to hate him for his decision, she just couldn’t. Spencer had her heart, he took it with him out of the door when he left her, tucked away in his suitcase covered by the numerous suits and other necessities.

She was pulled out of her pain filled memories the moment she heard yet another knock. Was this a cruel joke? She was taking in a breath, collecting what little confidence she could manage to build up before she was unlocking the front door, her hand shaking from fear. As she was opening the door just enough to peak her head out, her lips were pursed in a fine line.

“Spencer.” Y/N spoke, her gaze firm on the man who had given up on her. “Hi, Y/N.” His voice was soft, a stark contrast to the tone of their last conversation. “Can I come in..?” He asked, though his hand was slowly resting against the front door as he pushed it open, Y/N taking a few steps back to grant him access. She should’ve slammed the door shut, she should’ve locked it and sent him on his way. Yet here she was, slowly closing the door as she invited him to make himself at home.

“What are you doing here?” It took a lot of courage for her to open her mouth, her arms slowly crossing over her chest. She wasn’t going to cry anymore, mainly because she was so tired of crying over him. She’d done it enough within the past few years, if anything, she should’ve been out of tears.

“I’m here to talk.”

“Talk about what?”

“Y/N. I haven’t been honest with you. Guilt has been eating away at me and I can’t help but feel shitty.”

You should.

She’d never say it out loud but judging by the face she made, Spencer already knew what went through her mind.

“I just want to apologize. You are owed that much. Whenever I got out of prison.. I was a different person entirely. I stopped putting much effort into any of my personal relationships..” He began, which before his ex wife could cut him off, he was looking up from his feet with glassy eyes. “It’s because I was getting comfort from.. Other influences. Dilaudid.”

Spencer’s last addictions never defined him throughout their entire relationship, in fact, she was proud of him. He’d been doing so good, the temptation coming up every now and then but she’d be there to push him, to give him so much love and support to try and curb the relapse that could occur.

“Drugs change the writing of neurotransmitters in your brain, which can lead to aggression or mood swings. That’s why I was always hostile towards you and why I didn’t want to be around you.” Spencer explained, eyes on the ground in shame while his hands were coming up to rest over his face. “I knew I had a problem, I did. There was one day when you were trying to get me to eat lunch and.. I wanted to hurt you.” His voice broke at the admission, unable to meet her gaze. “That made me realize that I had a problem. A problem that I couldn’t control. If I couldn’t control my emotions, I would get to the point where I couldn’t control my actions..”

Just the thought of that scared the hell out of him.

“I left because I didn’t want to hurt you. It would kill me if I ever did anything to you. I mean, I was already spiralling because of the vivid nightmares from prison. PTSD and drug use are a horrible combination, dangerous. I couldn’t risk hurting you.”

The explanation had hot Y/N like a ton of bricks. How could she not notice he had a relapse, she was supposed to be by his side and she couldn’t even fucking tell that he was struggling with impulse control as well as his emotions. “Why didn’t you tell me? Spencer, I could’ve helped you.” She whispered, stepping closer to her ex husband while slowly taking her hands in his.

“Because you didn’t deserve a damaged husband who would weigh you down. I can’t expect you to babysit me all day and night, it wouldn’t be fair to you. You have a career, you have friends, you have so much going for you. I wouldn’t have forgiven myself if you threw your life away to essentially take care of me.” His words were barely above a whisper, as if the two had a risk of anyone listening in on their conversation.

“You are not damaged.” Y/N scolded softly while she was squeezing his hands slowly. “Spencer, I love you so much, I’ll always be here for you. Wife or not.” She said softly while her hand was now coming to rest gently against his cheek, as if he were fragile and one wrong move would shatter him like a stained glass window.

Spencer was finally meeting the irises that he couldn’t ever get out of his mind, the way there was a shine in them. Eyes were the window to the soul and hers reflected a beautiful, colorful soul and a strong fighting spirit she always carried with her. Even when she was broken down, that shine was there.

Her love was radiating onto him at the smallest touch, the man’s eyes closing briefly as if to compose himself. “I love you so much, Y/N. I will never be able to forgive myself for the way I pushed you away, the way I ended our marriage. I should’ve confided in you sooner. I just.. I was worried about you.” His words were genuine, a gentle smile spreading across his face. “You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.” He whispered soon after.

If his pupils could be the shape of hearts, they would be. One thing about Y/N was that he adored her. He cherished her, took care of her. Even in the end when things went south, part of him still had that love that was locked away behind a crippling addiction that broke him down in the worst way possible. “When I wanted to just go back to using, I thought of you. How proud you’d be of me if I held off, how you’d tell me I did an amazing job getting back on track. You are my inspiration.” He whispered, his hands coming up to cup her cheeks, holding her face in his hands as his thumbs traced over her soft skin.

There was a soft smile gracing Y/N’s features. “I am so proud of you. It takes a lot to admit when you have a problem, it takes even more to better yourself. Even if I’m not fond of the way you went about it, I understand.” She was honest. She didn’t like how he had to divorce her and disappear from her life. Nobody in their right mind would be okay with that.

For the first time since he’d came inside, there was a content silence filling the living room. It was comfortable. For the first time, home felt like home. However as the both of them stayed within each other’s embrace, it wasn’t long before Spencer was leaning down to kiss her.

Their lips met in a bittersweet collision, as years of longing and unresolved emotions surged through their bodies. The kiss began tenderly, a delicate exploration of familiar territory, before gradually intensifying with the fiery passion that had once defined their relationship. In that moment, they momentarily forgot the pain that had driven them apart, reveling in the sheer magnetism that still bound them together. There was no more pain, no more wondering what had gone wrong.

Their tongues danced in a rhythm only they could understand, tasting the remnants of past love and the promise of a future reignited. As they reluctantly pulled away, their gaze locked, and they both knew that their love still burned strong, an everlasting flame that kept them bound together. After all they’d been through, the love and care was permanent.

While drawing in a breath, Y/N kept her gaze on Spencer before slowly running her hands up his chest. It wasn’t a suit tailored for him like she’d been so used to before, instead a casual cotton shirt. In a way, it was comforting. He thought about her at times where he wasn’t chasing evil men and women on cases, when instead he was home at.. Well, wherever he lived now.

“Do you want to stay tonight?” She asked after a moment, her words coming out slow and her tone delicate, as if she had to worry about scaring him off if she was anything but. “I always sleep so much better with you..” She added on soon after while playing with a loose thread on the shirt, almost as if she had to distract herself from the way her heart was nearly beating out of her chest.

It gave her flashbacks to when she and Spencer had first started dating, the both of them being soft with each other. The way that they’d both be nervous to ask the other to stay the night or when they’d be laying together and spoil each other in the wonders of intimate touch, their lips moving in sync.

That seemed so long ago now.

“Yes,” Spencer responded, not needing to spare a second thought. “I’d love to.” His own heart was racing, the feeling of being home slowly coming back to him. The comfort of Y/N being home, willing to hold him when he needed her. Tonight, he knew he needed her. In more ways than one.

Without a passing thought, the woman was being lifted into his arms while Spencer was reattaching their lips. There was love and need, yearning for the soft touch that they once shared. With the feeling of fingers tangling in his longer hair, he was almost running back to the bedroom that he’d remembered so well.

Without breaking the contact of their lips, Spencer was leaning down while carefully placing Y/N on her back, as if she was breakable. She needed to be handled with care, with appreciation. Not anyone would accept their ex husband despite his faults or listen to him when he’s explaining why he left. Most women would probably slam the door in his face. Not Y/N. Not the woman with a heart of gold. He didn’t deserve her love but she was willing to continue serving it to him.

Once she was on her back, Spencer was slowly pulling away. “I love you.” He whispered, the words just falling out of his mouth, reverting back to the ways that once were. The nights where they’d lay in the darkness, embracing one another during lazy post-coital conversations before falling asleep in those same positions.

“I love you so much.” He repeated as he felt like she needed to know his feelings never changed. His lips began to trail down her neck, his hands running down the silk nightgown. “I love you.” Y/N finally whispered in return, her head relaxing in her pillow while her eyes were fluttered shut, melting at each placed kiss.

Spencer let his teeth graze the now burning skin of her neck, eliciting a beautiful moan to fall from the woman’s lips.

This was heaven.

His lips were moving from her neck soon after that, his head lifting while the two were interlocking in a shared loving gaze. “You can keep going, you know.” She whispered, a little giggle leaving her lips at the way his eyes glistened in the soft lighting of the bedside lamp at her urging him to continue.

Spencer’s fingers were coming up to the flimsy straps of the nightgown, slowly pulling them from her arms while leaning down to trail kisses along her right shoulder. His hands were working to slowly tug the sleep garment off, almost as if he had to carefully unwrap a present to preserve the wrapping paper. He didn’t want to rush this. He wanted her to see how much he truly did love and miss her.

He’d take care of her tonight.

Once she lifted her hips to assist in discarding the nightgown, he was drinking in the sight of the near bare woman in front of him.

Spencer had eidetic memory, however, when it came to Y/N’s body, you’d think it was his first time seeing it. The way his cheeks would flush, the way he’d revert back to being the shy man who couldn’t help but stare as if she were a beautiful oil painting hanging in one of the highest esteemed art galleries in Paris, France.

He was now sitting between her open legs, eyes scanning over her body as his large hands were slowly running up her inner thighs. “I’ve missed you, so much.” He spoke, gaze now moving to the beautiful smile that was spreading across her face. “I’m glad you’re here.” She spoke softly, the two basking in the moment. There was no rush, no. Instead, they were enjoying the intimacy of soft touches, admiring bodies, sharing longing glances.

“May I?” He asked, fingers now getting dangerously close to the place where she needed him most.

“Of course.” Her head nodded, a blush on her face.

The panties she had on had a sizeable wet patch in the center of them, her body reacting so positively to his kisses, his touch, everything. His fingers were slowly running over her clothed cunt, electricity shooting through her body at the mere touch.

“My beautiful girl.” His voice was husky now, fingers looping in the waistband of her panties before he was tugging them down her thighs, a groan ripping from his throat once he could see her glistening pussy, sticky with arousal. “God, I love you.” He repeated for what felt like the millionth time in the night.

Spencer was getting up momentarily, pulling his shirt over his head before discarding his pants as well, leaving him in his boxers. As he’d gotten onto the bed, he was now laying between her thighs, hips pressed into the bed for when he ultimately needed relief of his own.

With one hand keeping her plush thighs apart, his tongue was now licking a stripe up her pussy, collecting just a taste of her arousal. Hearing her shaky breath from above him was enough to encourage his movements. After a few more long and teasing licks, his fingers were coming up to spread her puffy labia apart, his lips blowing cool air while the woman was mewling from pleasure, goosebumps spreading across her skin.

He ate like a man starved, his tongue lapping up all she had to offer to him, like eating one of the ripest fruits on the vine that was bursting with more flavor and sweetness after being freshly pulled from the tree branch. His chin was coated in her glistening juices, his nose brushing against her clit while his tongue was focused on swiping over her velvety walls.

With the sounds of pornographic moans filling the room along with the way her fingernails were digging in his scalp, it became to a point where Spencer was desperate for relief, his hips rocking against the mattress while he was focused on bringing the woman to her peak. As soon as he could feel her thighs begin to shake and her words were more incoherent, he knew what was to come next.

It wasn’t long though until he was pulling away, chuckling at the way she was desperately clenching around nothing as soon as he pulled away. “Hold on, pretty girl.” He purred, getting his fingers lubed up with his own spit before he was plunging them into the woman, a low moan leaving his lips as she was greedily clenching around his digits and pulling them in more.

“There we go.” He praised, the two fingers being thrusted inside of her needy core.

“I’m gonna— oh fuck, Spencer.” Y/N breathed out as her eyes were squeezing shut, her words encouraging him to fuck her faster with his fingers. She could feel the coil tightening in her stomach, her moans and whimpers of his name falling steadily from her lips.

All it took was him curling his fingers and pushing against her spongy sweet spot before she was cumming around his fingers, her hips rocking steadily against Spencer’s hand as she was doing her best to catch her breath, chest rising and falling rapidly.

As she’s ridden out the high, Spencer’s hair was being tugged in a gesture that was telling him move your ass, Reid.

So he was nearly stumbling to crawl up to hover over her again, the two attaching their lips in a much needed, more messy kiss than before. “Please,” She mumbled against his lips, making Spencer pull away. “Please what?” He asked, needing to hear her say it.

“I need you.”

Those words had his already hard cock aching in his boxers, making him stumble a bit just to get them down his legs before they were being tossed with the rest of the clothes in the bedroom.

“I don’t have a condom.” Spencer spoke, letting out a hiss of pleasure from the feeling of her hand wrapping around his cock to give it a few tugs. “We don’t need one. I don’t care right now.” Her voice came out in a desperate tone, making the man nod as he was letting her line up his tip with her leaking mound.

He was pushing into her slowly, sinking all the way to the hilt while the two let out a collective moan, Spencer’s head falling against Y/N’s shoulder as he let his eyes flutter shut, kisses being sponged to her shoulders as he gave her a minute. The way her hands were gripping onto him was a big indicator that just like himself, she’d probably not really gotten much action in a while.

“I’m ready.” She whispered, her arms wrapping around his shoulders as she was practically hugging him close. “I’ll go slow.” He spoke in return, now lifting his head to smear their lips against one another’s.

Spencer loved slow and intimate sex, the way they were pressed flush against one another, drinking each others moans while the world slowly stood still. His hips were thrusting at a steady pace, the feeling of her legs wrapping around his waist just to try and bury him impossibly deeper inside of her.

It was the ultimate form of love. Being able to savor one another, enjoy the closeness. There were times in the past where the two would talk and even giggle with one another while his cock was buried inside of her. It was comforting in its own odd way.

Tonight though, there wasn’t much talking. Instead there was soft, loving kisses, the mixture of moans and groans falling between the both of them, as well as the sound of the bed squeaking along with each thrust that the man made.

There was nothing but love in that bedroom, the two whispering sweet nothings to one another and making promises that would fully be fulfilled going forward. This was going to be the start of something beautiful, that was something the two were confident of.

“I’m close,” Spencer’s words were being muffled into Y/N’s mouth, the woman slowly pulling out of their shared kiss while she was bringing her hands up to cup his cheeks. “Me too, don’t stop.” Her words were soft, a moan leaving her lips as she was letting her eyes flutter shut, head falling back against the mattress as she could feel her stomach tightening again.

“I love you so much, Y/N. Fuck.” His words slurring together as he brought one hand between their bodies, his thumb swiping over her clit in order to have her cum first. He prided himself on pleasuring her first and foremost, himself being mostly an afterthought.

As the warmth of her orgasm was washing over her, Y/N was hugging him as close as she could get him while a soft cry of the male’s name slipped from her lips. Chasing her orgasm, it wasn’t long until Spencer was letting go, a few more thrusts doing the trick as his warm cum was filling her to the brim. The feeling had the woman shuddering in pleasure.

With a thin layer of sweat coating their skin and their bodies still intertwined, Spencer was turning his attention down to the woman who he felt an intense and burning love for. “I promise you that I am not going anywhere this time. I’m tired of fighting M on my own.” His words were soft, his breathing still uneven. “I love you and I never want to be away from you like that again..”

“I love you so much more. You know that I’m always here for you, right? No matter what you’re struggling with. We are supposed to always be by each other’s sides. I made that promise to you and I never intend on breaking it.” Y/N assured.

“How about we to get cleaned up?” The make suggested, forcing himself to move away from the warmth of her embrace briefly. Instead of letting her get up though, Spencer’s hand was wrapping around her ankle before he was playfully pulling her to the end of the bed, making the woman laugh as she was being lifted in his arms.

“You could’ve broke my leg!” She gasped, a teasing tone chasing the words as she was letting her arms wrap around his shoulders, lips pressing kisses across his face.

A she was carefully sitting her on the edge of the tub, Spencer was turning on the faucet. After he’d gotten the water warm enough for the both of them, he’d retrieved the plug for the drain. Approaching the bathroom cabinet, he was kneeling down and rummaging until he was grinning triumphantly as he was retrieving a bottle of bubble bath soap, holding it up. “I knew you’d never get rid of this. As dumb as it sounds, I was so pissed because I didn’t take this with me.”

After putting a generous amount of the soap in the tub and watching it foam up, he was waiting until the tub was filled to their liking until he was turning off the water. He was the first to step in, getting comfortable before holding his hand out to help Y/N get in, a smile on his face. Even if it was a little awkward considering he was a tall guy in a small tub, they managed to get comfortable together with her on his lap.

One of her hands was collecting a bit of bubbles from the water before she was moving to place them over his face, a little laugh leaving her lips as she’d given him a bit of a bubble beard. “How old are we?” Spencer asked teasingly as he was doing the same thing with her, the two unable to help the soft laugh filling the bathroom.

“So, I have a legitimate question,” Spencer began while leaning back against the tub, a smile on his face. “Does this mean we have to get married again?”

The question made Y/N pull a face as she was pondering over the question. He had a point. How did this work?

“I say yes. Only because I think you owe me a much bigger wedding this time.” She joked, making the male laugh.

“My queen gets whatever she wants.”