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The wardrobe source post
Have had several Asks about where I get my clothes, so here we go.
My general style:
My build: I am 5'10", around 155-160lbs. I am a trans man, so that means some fit challenges. 36R tops, 32x32 bottoms, 8ish shoe.
My preferences: I adore 1930s/40s outdoor "country gentleman" and work wear -- I am building a wardrobe here. I love texture and mixing patterns. I try to stick to natural fibers. I am spending more money on pieces that last longer and shrinking my closet to a modern capsule and a vintage capsule. (Though I will sometimes mix eras.) Brown is my favorite color.
Online thrifting:
Unclaimed baggage. Really great for giving higher end brands a shot at huge discounts.
Gem App. Fantastic for searching multiple sites like ebay, poshmark, etc.
Modern clothing:
Taylor Stitch. Standouts are sweaters and wool trousers. Sizing runs trim - I size up to a 38 here instead of my usual 36. This means it's a great source for smaller trans mascs.
Yiume. Shirts a bit thin, but fun prints and frequent sales.
Imperfects. Small range, but fun, higher waisted fishtail trousers.
Taft Boots. Comfy right out of the box. Great at making small feet look elegant. Men's sizes start at a 6.
Schott. Fantastic pea coats. Recommended by Derek Menswear.
Vermont Flannel. Super thick plaid, flannel shirts. Very warm.
Sterkowski hats. Range includes flat caps and captains/fisherman.
Spier & MacKay. Great winter coats, run a bit trim. Their trousers look hideous and despite a bit of a vintage look, everything else in the catalog is too low waisted and skinny.
LLBean. Great for sweaters. I love my grey commando style one.
Banana Republic. I like a lot of their older stuff, so a brand to watch on Poshmark.
New Vintage:
Cathcart London. Sweaters and jeans are great. Hit or miss fit on the rest. Frequent sales, small runs.
Darcy Clothing. Great all across the board. They are a film supplier, so restocks are regular. Their suspenders are hard to find, fyi, so search under "braces".
Revival Vintage. Dipping into poly blends, but a great selection of fairisle sweater vests.
JoBear boots. Great prices and styles, requires breaking in.
Focusers. Vintage glasses. They will replace lenses. Love the Peabody gold wire frames.
Old Glasses Shop. Frames you won't find at Focusers. You can try on frames before committing to an Rx, but have to pay for the return. Love their round tortoise shells.
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when i transitioned i still carried this kinda seed within myself of, like, gender essentialism, on the idea that being attracted to someone of the same or opposite sex necessarily implied cis people, and trans people were largely an "exception." as i entered the dating scene with a lot of baggage i was kinda deliberately looking for bi women under the belief that only they would actually be sexually attracted to me.
flash forward to now and i just kinda... skipped that shit with my new gf. they're a lesbian, very exclusively attracted to women, and that was never a problem. i'm certain i worried about it like some asshole and stayed up all night about it but as i became more comfortable with myself and my relationship and my gender it just kinda... disappeared. i'm a girl. she likes girls. she likes me. no contradiction.
moral of the story is that nobody should try and draw these lines around themselves, especially trans women. the game of love might have been segregated into two clear-cut, regulated teams and a long, exhaustive list of matchmaking requirements and etiquette but each and every one of us, and i mean EACH AND EVERY ONE, has a right to march their ugly ass onto the field and give it a shot. if someone loves you it will be with the part of their body that makes their eyes widen and their breath tighten and their thoughts flutter and float and tie up into butterfly knots, not with the part that keeps a rigorous list of preferred pronouns and gender identities.
yessss ! thank u for putting this into words so well
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What does Pluto in Aquarius Mean for You?
Aquarius Rising: Pluto is in your first house. You will immediately notice the powerful influence you have on people and the polarizing responses you elicit in others. You are about to birth a totally different YOU in the next decade(s). Expect to undergo a slow but sure glow-up over the next two decades.
Capricorn Rising: Pluto is in your second house. Your finances and self-worth will be under a constant growth cycle. The ways you generate or manage your income will forever be changed, as well as where you place your values.
Sagittarius Rising: Pluto is in your 3rd house. Your mindset most importantly, will be forever changed and transformed. You will be able to gain more insights and develop new ways to unlock your full brain power.
Scorpio Rising: Pluto is in your 4th house. Your emotional state and security is about to be put to the test. You will find out what's holding you back from achieving emotional vulnerability and security. Your ideas about where you want to settle and how you want to create a family will completely change too.
Libra RIsing: Pluto is in your 5th house. Your idea of romance and what brings you happiness will change. Your hobbies and creative endeavors will undergo transformation too. You will outgrow most of the things that used to bring you pleasure or happiness.
Virgo Rising: Pluto is in your 6th house. Pluto is here to push you to be serious about your health, habits, and work. You will experience the drawbacks of bad habits or addictions. You will outgrow certain routines, habits, and even work responsibilities.
Leo Rising: Pluto is in your 7th house. Relationships and interaction with people won't be a walk in the park anymore. They will carry a lot of psychological undertones, challenging you to relinquish control, and clear any emotional baggage and outgrow what doesn't work for you anymore.
Cancer Rising: Pluto is in your 8th house. This will be an exclusive invitation from Pluto to dive into its dungeon; your inner psyche. This will mark a heavy introspective but healing period in your life, wherein no action will go unnoticed or uninspected. Your subconscious is alert and is pointing out all your wounds that require healing.
Gemini Rising: Pluto is in your 9th house. This period will bring a lot of esoteric experiences that will change your perspective on life and death. Expect the unexpected. Your religious beliefs will change or you will outgrow certain parts of your moral values and opt for totally different ones. Traveling will be deemed transformational.
Taurus Rising: Pluto is in your 10th house. Saddle up! The career path and how you wanted to come across, no matter how sure you were about it? Yea, that will change. Pluto is here to challenge the parts of you that want to fit into the status quo. Are they real? If not, expect a total 180° change in career path and how you want to relate to the public.
Aries Rising: Pluto is in your 11th house. Your friendships and aspirations will be challenged and changed forever. As well as society's response to you. Be ready to be the outcast in your society or among your friends. This will help you remain true to yourself while attracting those who align with your authentic self.
Pisces Rising: Pluto is in your 12th house. This will be a VIP invitation from Pluto himself to look inward. Periods of solitude will be deemed essential and transformative during this time. If you don't carve enough time for yourself to heal your subconscious and self-sabotaging patterns, Pluto will force you to!
I hope this helps, and as a pluto dominant, please don't fear Pluto, but fear living life UNauthentically! So stay authentic, stay sexy!
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How Your Person Of Interest Sees/Thinks/Feels About You
Choose the image you are most drawn to or resonate most with… pile 1, pile 2, & pile 3 ✨
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Pile 1
(Knight of Pentacles, Nine of Pentacles, Three of Wands, Knight of Swords, The Unknown Card, Three of Swords, Mentor, Plane, & Thriving)
Hi Pile 1! Welcome to your reading. ♡
Your person of interest sees you as someone who is very hardworking in all areas of your life. Perhaps, right now you are pursuing a degree or job, or maybe you are working towards a goal that requires lots of resilience and financial responsibility. Your person sees you very successful as well. I am also getting this energy that they may think you are above them in some way, whether it be financially, emotionally, or mentally. I really think they do look up to you in every way regardless if you feel like you are struggling yourself or you feel like you can do better. They see you as someone who is very helpful to other people and the community. Your job or every day work may involve with interacting and helping people out, and this is confirmation that this is your pile! They might find you very funny and young at heart as well. I'm getting that some of you may not think you're funny, but your person definitely thinks that you are. I'm getting that you may be the type of person to also laugh things off when you feel scared or hurt, it's kind of like a coping mechanism, only for some. Besides that though, I really do think your person sees you as someone who radiates bright energy and that's why people and even animals enjoy being around you. Not only they see you as bright energy, but they also see you as someone who attracts very much positive things into your life, again, abundance, school, work, you name it. What your person thinks about you is that you have a huge future ahead of you, and you have the ability to achieve your goals if you just go for it. I believe that they also think that you are very good with your words. Again, I keep getting this energy from your person of interest that they do not think they are as good as you. Honestly, I feel like they are intimidated by your potential and success. I believe that your person is going through something difficult or heartbreaking. It may be because of a separation, insecurities, or any kind of past trauma, but it is unknown. I think that this difficulty they are facing has an affect on how they feel about you. I do think that their feelings for you are developing though. I think that this person just cannot show your their full interest or attention because they need to focus on themselves more. Even though they are facing their own difficulties, I do believe you cross their mind, and their feelings for you have potential in growing into something bigger within time. Overall, I feel like your person sees you as a light in their life. They really look up to your for your positivity and ambitions. I think that once they get their life together and feel better about themselves, their feelings for you will escalate and they will start to show how they truly feel.
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Pile 2
(Ten of Wands, Ten of Cups, The Fool, King of Wands, Eight of Swords, The Magician, Shape-Shifter, Flowers, & Transformation)
Hi Pile 2! Welcome to your reading. ♡
Okay pile 2, before I start your reading, I just want to say that this is the sweetest pile. 🥺 Okay let's carry on. Your person sees you as someone who carries or has carried a lot of baggage on themselves. Perhaps, you have struggled financially or educationally, or you have really struggled with your family or friend relationships. I also get this energy from you that part of your baggage has something to do with the fact that you always put others as a priority rather than yourself. You are always sacrificing yourself, even if it costs you your happiness. Even though you've been through so much emotional baggage, you continue to persevere through adversity, and your person of interest definitely sees this about you. They see how hard your life has been, yet you find the power to proceed with your life, and they find this absolutely inspiring about you. It's like, you have the choice to stay in despair and yearn for a better life, but you choose the opposite and make changes to your life to be happy instead. Your person sees that you have amazing grit and can also adapt to your environment, whether it be difficult or easy. They might also see you as someone who is very emotional and someone who wants to have their own family and children in the future. They can see you feminine as well. The way that your person sees you is very warm and precious. There are lots of pink and purple in your reading pile 2, so this means that your person sees you very delicate and they are really romantically connected with you too. I think they think you are confident in your actions as well, and whatever risks or actions you take, you are able to go through with it. I think your person thinks you're very playful as well. Even though sometimes you may feel stressed or upset about certain things in your life, your person knows that inside of you, at the very core of you, you are actually a very warm, delicate, loving, affectionate, and playful individual. I think that they believe that you deserve the best, pile 2, especially since you've gone through so much. They also think of you as a flower. Not only are they beautiful and delicate, but they're also a product of growth and transformation. Your person not only sees you for your beauty but for also all your hard work, tenacity, and sacrifice. Pile 2, I believe that your person has very romantic feelings for you, but they do not know how to come forward with it towards you. I believe that they want to turn your bond with them into something more, but they are intimidated at the same time. I think that maybe you have a chance to come forward instead, and this will save your person a headache lol because they feel for you so much. One more message I'm getting is that they see you as a butterfly. Again, you have transformed so much in your life. You may have felt stuck in the past and over worried, but you will grow into your wings and you'll be set free to fly. Your reading is beautiful pile 2. Your person deeply feels for you.
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Pile 3
(King of Pentacles, The Hermit, The Star, Seven of Cups, The Tower, Four of Wands, Servant, Unity, & Protection)
Hi pile 3! Welcome to your reading. ♡
Your person of interest finds you very, very attractive, and maybe even very addicting pile 3! I say this because The Devil card popped out twice in the back of the deck. You're quite appealing to them I would say. 😏 Anyway, I think you give off independent vibes to your person. You're very successful, and you're independent. You're not a loner, you're in solitude. There's a big difference between those two. I think they see you as someone who does not take bs either (I'm getting that some of you here are more mature so I can insert bs here lolol). I think they see you as someone very helpful to others. Maybe you are a people pleaser, for some? I just got that. Your person also might see you as quite mysterious. You may be more of the quiet type, and they are intrigued by you. They just want to know more and more about you. I get the feeling that your person also thinks that you may have a lot of people lined up for you in regard to romantic partners. Your person may think that they don't even have a chance with you because you're so hot lol. They do think of you as a star though. You radiate light in their life, and I think that they may admire you from a distance, and they keep their feelings to themselves at times. I think that when you or if you have conversations with them, they will feel very emotionally connected with you. Your conversations with them are easy, and they feel like they can open up to you about pretty much anything comfortably. I think this is what separates you from others. You just get them in a way that no one else does, this pertains to your conversations with them, as well as your looks. 😉 One random thing, I think they might like your hands lol. Your person's feelings for you are strong pile 3, it's a given here. I think they did not expect to be this attracted to you though. Maybe some people here are in a work or classroom environment with your person, and your relationship with them could almost feel "taboo" but they can't help but be so drawn to you. Another situation I’m seeing here is a friend dynamic. Just take what resonates. I think that your person does really want something more with you though. I think if you two were together, they would really make it known to the world that you are theirs and they would celebrate your love lol. They also feel very protective over you. Even if you are already strong on your own and independent, your person still wants to be the one to protect you at all costs and even be your knight in shining armor. I believe that your bond with this person does have potential to lead to something more pile 3, even if you do not talk to them, the both of you still have potential together. Overall, they are so attracted to you pile 3. Do you ever have that person that you like so damn much that they are ruining your life???!! Yeah, that's you to them. Lol.
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#tarot reading#love reading#pick a card#pick a pile#pac#love pac#oracle#oracle reading#free tarot reading#crush reading#tarotblr#tarotcommunity#daily tarot
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im ab to be annoying ab dimension20 fhjy but im genuinely loving the character arcs for the bad kids this season?
kristen going from self-annihilatingly stupid to trying to build a genuine bridge with the man who not only wielded the religion that traumatised her (bobby dawn), but also was trying to ruin her life, just bc she thought a grieving father ought to be comforted in some way? her genuine distress at being unable to revivify buddy even though the two had only had negative interactions, or her biting her tongue in front of her parents so she could better look after her little siblings? grappling with the fact that she still, on some level, expected practising religion to be easy and convenient for her as a holdover from an entire childhood spent being a Chosen One, and finally putting her nose to the grindstone and committing to working her ass off for a deity that couldn't even benefit her for a hot minute? making an effort to be cordial with tracker's new gf and letting go of that codependency? the kristen applebees from ep20 would NOT do all the same stupid shit as ep1 and i love that.
fabian being humbled by the narrative again and again has been an absolute treat for his character. the whole ivy/mazey situation was great: freshman/sophomore year fabian would've gone for ivy no sweat, i mean her character seemed pretty similar to pre-redemption aelwyn and he had a huge crush on her then. but this time, when he realised he'd hurt a genuinely great person, and intentionally swallowed his pride to make it up to mazey, even though it required him being 'uncool' with the whole twister thing. his general arc of learning that earnestness and humility doesn't make him less of a man felt like a natural extension of fabian defining his own version of masculinity- sure, a 'maximum legend', but also someone deeply involved in the arts, and someone who is less afraid of saying sorry and being vulnerable in front of someone he likes
fig. fig fig fig. what a woman. its been absolutely fascinating watching build her sense of identity over these three seasons. at her core, fig is a character that loves so deeply. in freshman, she was terrified of the depth of her own devotion, so she tried to distance herself emotionally from everyone. in sophomore, she built herself around that love for other people. in junior year, fig's arc has been learning she can do both: that she's defined by her love for others, but not solely by it. ik emily wanted to retire the character before this season but i think fig's paladin arc was the best capstone to her journey possible.
gorgug's arc has been about establishing clear boundaries for himself and i love it. im aware there's been some Discourse ab the mango soda scene but to me that was pretty easily chalked up to teenage insecurity. a big part of gorgug's arc was trying to believe in himself when everyone around him told him he was too dumb to follow his passion- imagine struggling in an area that you have no natural aptitude for, and someone comes along and also trounces you in the one area you thought you were the best in. i'd be petty and reactive too (gorgug follows up calling her a freak with the fact that she beat the shit out of him, so its clearly him just still smarting from a bruised ego and not actual malice). in general, i've really like gorgug learning to put his foot down and say enough is enough without completely losing his gentleness.
adaine hasnt had an obvious arc, but considering she addressed most of her baggage in the first two seasons, i'm not surprised. i would've liked to see the other bad kids address her 'teenage adult' behaviour, but her self-awareness about it and relying on fabian to pull in clutch for the oracool stuff still felt like she'd learned to rely on her friends at least + her reaching out to aelwyn and the two of them healing from their parents together has been rewarding it its own right.
riz is perfect and has learned nothing. his neuroticism is part of his natural swag
#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#fhjy#dimension 20 fhjy#dimension 20#adaine abernant#figeroth faeth#gorgug thistlespring#fabian seacaster#kristen applebees#riz gukgak
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FORGIVELESS - X - GOT A COUPLE THAT'S OUTSIDE, THEY KILL ABOUT ME THOUGH 🪦
« previous part
➨ rio's library - good girl nbc
「 ✦ full library & archive ✦ 」
MOODBOARD 🖼️
Pairing: Rio (Good Girls) X Reader
Word Count: ~4.3K
Warning: Same as all the others for the most part, mentions of violence and un-aliving someone.
Summary: Picking up where we left off. Rio and the Reader try to establish a new normal until the reader gets a call regarding James. Having had his fill of the back and forth Rio finally makes himself known to James and puts an end to the chaos.
X - GOT A COUPLE THAT'S OUTSIDE, THEY KILL ABOUT ME THOUGH 🪦
The dread of returning home to a less than ideal reality is coursing through your veins. It’s so overwhelming you can feel something is coming in your bones. The fight to maintain your centre is active. You haven't practised yoga in more than a week and you have not maintained your meditation rituals. A hand splays over your thigh offering comfort and affection along with a kiss on the top of your head as you rest your head on his chest. You can't help but wonder how he knows that right now you're in need of affection as your mind drifts. The plane starts its descent and you place your hand over Rio’s. You wish you were happier, especially after all the effort he’d put into your excursions the day prior but it feels like that ship has sailed with those bullshit messages. Closing your eyes you sigh deeply regretting the grace you’d given him. You regret not going postal, not showing up to his job, not kicking and screaming, not telling his mother, bleaching his clothes, the whole nine yards. Clearly, he has no intentions of sparing you or maintaining your reputation. Swallowing you decide the gloves are all the way off. Cheating back just didn't seem to cut it. You’d have to hop down to the depths to meet him at his level. You sit stewing without knowing Rio has already taken care of it. He’d gotten the message confirmation before you’d left the villa this morning. It was part of the reason why he found himself capable of smiling. As soon as the plane landed he knew there would be more details. He needed James down and incapable of bothering you for at least the next month. From here on out he’d let you decide the next courses of action - unless James gets out of pocket again. You and Rio leave the airport side by side. His assertive energy is quite the thing to experience in person. People just seem to give him respect. The airport staff nod at him in acknowledgement. People come over to help him when he needs help and he delegates efficiently finding an attendant to get your bags off the baggage carousel paying them handsomely to lift the bags and push the cart. He doesn't break a sweat keeping you close. You watch him in awe as he moves with precision and purpose; you end up at a part of the airport you don’t recall ever coming across as your bags are transferred to a new attendant.
“Hey man, table for two” Rio says and your eyes bulge in horror when you realise where you are. It's a five star restaurant.
“Rio, I’m in loungewear” you whisper.
“Let me find out you're trying to impress someone else” he comments and you shake your head. “You look beautiful” he smiles as we are seated in a private area. Everyone else is well dressed.
“Thank you, it's just …”
“Mama, me being able to get my girl in a restaurant I don’t own in her pyjamas is boss shit” Rio says and you feel your cheeks burn.
“Ha, Ha! You've seen my pj’s, this is loungewear” you correct.
“Whatever you say” he shrugs and you look away laughing as a server comes over pouring you a delicious smelling tea.
“The boss will be right out, if you need any help with the menus let me know. We’re happy to make any substitutions you may require. If you need anything click the button on the table and I'll be right out” the man explains. Overwhelmed you hand Rio your menu.
“Please order what you think I’ll like” you tell him and he smiles proceeding to do just that on your behalf. The server smiles and disappears. It’s clear he has great taste and only likes the best of the best, everywhere he goes he’s treated with the utmost consideration.
“I had a dinner planned for us last night” he confesses. It’s clear Rio is upset about having to pivot because of James. Your first instinct is an apology but you reconsider it knowing Rio doesn't expect one.
“I wish things happened differently,” you confess. “I know it would have been gorgeous” you smile and he nods.
“It was, and I was going to ask you to be my girl because I figure being clear is the best thing for both of us. I know you’ve got a lot going on and I know you’re trying to be happy but it’s okay if you’re not. Fuck shame and James the joke. Soso said I need to be more sensitive” he says.
“Soso?”
“Marisol” he corrects and you smile at his soft side and Marisol’s consideration of you. “Anyway, I’m not ashamed of shit we got going on or what you’re dealing with. I want you to be my girl. I enjoy our time together and I’m not running from shit” he shrugs.
“I had no idea they even made men like you” you remark out loud, thankful for him. Rio smirks, raising a brow.
“Like what?” he asks and you reach across the table to take his chin.
“No words” you smile, giving him a quick peck. “Of course I’ll be yours.” You respond sitting back down. Rio smiles.
“Good” he nods and the waiter brings out a delicious plate of food you absolutely love. Rio shares some of his with your and you with him. Before dinner is over he leaves to speak with the owner. You relax in your seat and check your phone to see a message thread with Tia already making plans for the two of you to go shopping. It’s how Rio finds you and you leave the restaurant and end up at the valet where his car is waiting already loaded with your luggage. You arrive at his place forty-five minutes later. It’s so clean it looks staged.
“I didn't forget about you getting your own place” he comments, watching you hesitate. Shacking up had been against your constitution since before you and James had gotten serious. James, you shake your head knowing you're gonna have to confront him over what he did. You’re gonna have to move your things out.
“I’m in no rush. I’m gonna call my mom and tell her we got in okay” you tell Rio.
“Bet, I have a meeting across town in two hours. I’m going to get ready and head out.” he says leaving you to it.
Settling into the extra deep cushions you look around at the pristine place that feels slightly sterile. It's the level of perfection that doesn't make it feel lived in. You call your mom and she picks up on the third ring.
“Hey Ma, we landed safely.” you tell her.
“Good baby girl” she says but her voice sounds off.
“What’s wrong?” you ask.
“Just got a call from James’ mother.” she says and your eyes close as the irritation mounts. That gag order might be necessary after all.
“Yay” you mutter sarcastically.
“Are you sitting down?” Ma asks and your eyes open as you sit forward.
“Yes?” you ask concerned.
“Apparently James was in a fight last night. It went badly for him and he’s in the hospital suffering pretty badly if she’s not exaggerating. They spent the night and all morning calling you until James was lucid enough to have them call his mother. She's furious and wouldn’t let me get a word in.” Your mom explains rocking your world.
“She’s blaming me isn't she?” You ask and your mothers silence is telling. “Why doesn't he call his girlfriend?” you question your mother.
“He wants you and she’s her son's advocate in light of your absence let her tell it” your mom explains. Sighing deeply you look at the ceiling.
“What was he thinking? Starting a fight?” you question.
Your mom sighs “I don’t know…”
“What do you think I should do?” you ask in need of guidance.
“Do what feels right” she says, being no help. Sexual healing with RIo is what feels right. But you leave your mom out of that truth sighing deeply. You resent James more and more every waking moment it seems.
“I guess I’ll go” you say finally. “Guess I’ll take this time to move my things out too”
“I’m coming down, i’ll get a hotel and we can sort it out together” she says.
“Thanks mom” you sigh in relief.
“No problem my love, let me get things sorted and I’ll call you later. Call me if you need anything” she offers.
“I will love you mommy, sorry you’ve become my secretary” you tell her.
“No problem, I've been cleaning up your shit since you were in diapers. It’s what I signed up for” she jokes, making you laugh.
“Hopefully, you get a break again really soon” you smile.
“Only a tiny one, I want some grandbabies,” she says.
“Ma!” you laugh.
“After the divorce is finalized of course, and you’re in a happy healthy marriage” she specifies.
“The shitty fumes must be getting to you. Light a candle, open a window, get some fresh air and I’ll call you later” you tease joking with her.
“Love you, bye” she says hanging up and you do too. Rio emerges dressed in his signature all black and you feel terrible for throwing yet another complicated issue his way.
“What is it?” he asks, sitting down beside you.
“I need a key” you tell him.
“My housekeeper got one cut,” he says. “Where are you headed?” he asks.
“To the hospital James got into something. I’m his emergency contact, he’s in bad shape and asking for me, it’s this whole thing” you explain not wanting to be in this situation.
“I don't think he deserves to see you,” Rio says angrily.
“I’m not sure he’s seeing much of anything with how bad it seems he was beat up.” you tell Rio.
“I don't think you should go after the shit he’s pulled” Rio stands his ground.
“I know, I’m going to go though. I can't keep running from my problems. If I go, he and his mom can say whatever. I can remove myself from all necessary non-legal documents for the time being and then I can tell her I'm going to move out my things and to stop calling my mom. Moving forward all communications will be handled through email until I retain legal counsel” you explain and Rio finds himself smiling.
“Boss shit” he comments.
You snicker. “I have a good teacher”
“Who? I’m not doing all that talking” Rio asserts.
“Take my car and call me if anything you don't like happens” Rio offers.
“You have a meeting. I’ll wait” You respond not wanting to be a distraction.
“Baby, I’m the boss, there's no meeting without me,” Rio says and you laugh, shaking your head at him. Everything about him is so sexy to you. There's no apology for owning who he is and you pinch his cheek.
“I love that about you” you smile honestly and in a second you clam up. The L word. But Rio doesnt clam up, it’s music to his ears.
“Don’t start or we’ll be here all day if I have to list the things I love about you” he says, giving you a kiss as he stands with his heart racing like a kid. His smile is reassuring, affirming you're alright.
“Maybe some other time then” you recover and he nods, coming back with car keys and a house key for you.
“Go handle your business mama” Rio smirks, willing to let you leap. Your lungs fill with air and you nod knowing he’s there to catch you.
You feel yourself tugging at the hems of your long sleeves as you walk into the eerie hospital environment. The stark whites and fluorescent lighting clash with the depth of Rio’s home decor. No longer in his presence you don't feel as strong or as sure footed. If James has done anything over the past month, it's been turning your life upside down. After years of keeping things close to the chest, what he pulled last night was the very last thing you ever thought he would do. You guess karma is funny that way because it’s him and not you that acted the ass only to be beat up so bad hospitalisation is required. Following the directions from the information desk you find yourself in a unit that smells absolutely disgusting. You hold your breath until you grab a mask from the wall only to freeze once it's on. James’ mother Gladys watches you with folded arms. His father James Senior sits outside the room with his head down instead of pointed at you.
“Someone call my wife!” you hear James shout from inside one of the rooms. His voice is strained and the pain in it is unmistakable.
“Get your ass in there!” His mother screams near tears.
“Gladys” Senior hisses, he’s the king of time and place. Years of trying to please his family nearly makes you rush into the room with your head down, but the time of putting James your needs ahead of everyone else's is done.
“Gladys I’d like to speak to you” you swallow standing your ground.
“We can talk after you go in and tend to your husband.” Her tone is sharp but it no longer cuts.
“If you don't want to talk now I can leave and I won't be coming back” you swallow standing firm.
“Y/N, he’s in pain, one of his eyes is swollen shut and his neck is sprained from how hard he was hit. His breathing is impeded by a few cracked ribs according to x-rays and he’s got a fractured ankle.” Senior says. It’s a surprise, you've never heard of someone so severely impacted from a fight. All that muscle and it turns out he’s made of glass.
“How many people fought him?” you ask.
“Two” Senior responds and you swallow. “He wants to see you, that's all he wants. I know you two are having a rough patch-”
“He’s been cheating on me for six months. Please don’t deny it. I saw the photographs and messages between them. She knew and would talk about me like trash. James didn't defend me. It’s the truth and if he thinks I'm so crazy to make things up then that's another reason we should be divorced.” You tell his father frankly.
“He’s a successful man and you want for nothing, give a little, have a heart” His mother says, shaming women everywhere. As painful as it is, you're grateful that James and his family are in the past now.
“He’s been harassing me for the past week and a half. I had to change my number. The only reason I left is because he nearly put hands on me. Dragged me out of the car when I tried to leave him. A cop broke it up. It’s documented if you don't believe me. He’s been harassing my mother too and cyberstalking me. He’s sending horrible messages to the people I spend time with telling them I’m having an affair, that I’m crying out for attention and mentally unstable.” You vent and while Gladys looks like she doesn’t believe it, Senior seems less reluctant to accept your truth.
“He shouldn’t get physical,” Senior says, drawing the line in the sand somewhere. It’s a decent start toward progress.
“Or harass and stalk me” you add.
“He’s fighting for you Y/N, out of everyone he’s been calling for you non stop. He’s made a mistake but he loves you and I know you love him. You've been married for years, don't let a lapse in judgement or another woman take that from you. He probably let the world or his colleagues get in his head.” Senior says with excellent spin. Maybe two months ago it would have worked. Maybe if he’d ended things without the pressure of your awareness. Maybe if he’d treated you better or reacted differently but not now, not after he’s done so much to hurt you.
“She can have him because if this is how he loves - I don't want it” You swallow pushing the door open. Looking at James sympathy swells in your core. Half of his face is so swollen he’s nearly unrecognisable. He can barely handle the flu so you know this is hell for him.
“Baby” he smiles, erasing every drop of empathy in you.
“No baby, Y/N” You correct sitting in the chair and he smiles while shaking his head.
“What are you playing at? What took you so long?” He asks, trying a smile, it's hard to tell with the swelling.
“James pretending to have amnesia is beneath even you. Don’t make this worse than it needs to be with the pet names. I’ve had enough Jekyll and Hyde from you to last a lifetime” you comment with thinning patience. James’ eyes hold yours for a long while before he relents.
“I’m not gonna stop fighting for us” is what he says first.
“Yes you are, I’m gonna go to the house this week and get my things and you're going to stop contacting me and anyone I associate with.” you explain.
“You're my wife Y/N” he snaps.
“Call Japan, get down on one knee for her when you can manage it” You comment and the hint of cruelty in your disregard for his current predicament is not lost on James.
“So you can be with a club owner? I mean if you’re pissed with me for cheating what do you think he’s gonna do?” James deflects.
“No one I associate with is your business. James, why don't you understand that I’m trying to be civil when what I should do is crash out after the shit you pulled yesterday. That message was abhorrent and grounds for me to file for a restraining order which I may have to still since you're committed to thinking this divorce is a joke” you snap.
“It is, you can't afford to leave me” he threatens.
“No James, you can't afford to lose me but it’s too late. I hope you treat the next woman better, if you get lucky enough.” You stand.
“You won't get anything good in the divorce we don’t have kids!” He says playing his last card.
“Thank God, co-parenting with an asshole like you would be a life sentence” you comment.
“Fuck you” he sneers and the machine he’s attached to starts beeping.
“Have fun pissing into a cup” You shoot back as his mother rushes in.
—----
Later that night
Sitting in the dimly lit room Rio can't recall the last time someone had him this out of character. But James was new to the city after all. How could he know who he was dealing with in all his arrogance. It was his arrogance that made this all easier for Rio. Getting him handled was just a phone call. Sitting he looks ahead at the imbecile that was stupid enough to let you slip through his fingers. Up close and personal with James it was clear the man couldn't differentiate between an asset or liability. He had a wife that was happy to please him, out of the way, good cook with great pussy and a heart of gold. He’d traded into a clear cut VVS diamond for one of those huge lab grown stones. He’d an heirloom for aesthetics, gold for fools gold, and now he was grasping at straws. Being fed pain killers intravenously to quell the beating that was the result of him acting out. Looking down at his gloved hand Rio looks to the gold gun, it always did the trick. Got people where he wanted them quickly. Got their undivided attention and guided them to compliance. Sitting forward he butts the hospital bed arm rails with his gun twice before sitting back in the seat. James only stirs sleepily, rapping twice more, Rio watches as the man stirs looking around only to go from sleepy to scared. Rio watches as James sits up only to wince and hiss. His hands reach for the button to call the nurse but Rio has already switched it off. It takes James a moment to realise help isn't coming only for panic to fill his eyes at the sight of the gun laying on his lap.
“I - I - I” James begins but the first two tries are hoarse. He swallows before continuing. “IIIII, I didn't mean whatever I said or did, I was wasted” he manages. Displeased with his skills of deduction Rio says nothing as he watches him fight to sit up in disgust.
“You have two choices,” Rio says finally. “Option One: You refuse option two and I pay one of these underpaid and overworked nurses to inject something to make your life miserable into this bag. More miserable than you are already.” Rio swallows. “Two, you leave Y/N alone and sign the divorce papers”
“How the fuck do you know my wif-” Rio is quick and presses the iron against Jame’s skull.
“Keep talking crazy” Rio smiles, pulling the gun back to screw on a silencer. Once it's fastened he returns his attention back to James. “What were you saying?” Rio asks with his head tilted, wishing James would give him one more reason. Instead of a response the coward swallows. Rio smirks, returning to his seat placing the gun on the tray beside him and giving James his attention once again.
“I mean I get it. I dont get why you cheated but I get you fighting for her. I mean …” Rio nods to himself. “It’s the way she looks at me when she hasn't seen me for a bit” Rio starts chipping away at James' resolve. “The way she calls when she needs something, her little walk, hell I don't even care about her shit crowding the counters in the bathroom” Rio taunts watching James’ patience wear down.
“So you’re her rebound” James grits.
“Rebound is better than the guy who fumbled her. Rebound has her in bed begging for more almost every night.” Rio continues.
“Enough” Jame’s grits.
“I mean I guess you know how good her pussy is, fan-fucking-tastic. I’ll probably suck her dry when I get home and then give her a son” Rio says, hitting the right nerve.
“Fuck you!” James snarks, making Rio smile.
“She probably ain’t post these to spare your ass but since youre a nosy fuck take a look” Rio says getting his phone to a few of the video’s they’d taken on the trip. James closes his eyes at the sight of Rio grabbing your boob while in a bikini in the water together before you kiss. “Aww, what's wrong? It’s no fun when I have the gun?”
“I’ll sign the fucking papers” James grits.
“Ay man, she was always gonna get the divorce whether you were here on earth or in hell” Rio mutters keeping James aware of the existing power dynamic. “Matter of fact, you're gonna send everyone you sent the last bullshit message this one and post it to your story” :
Hello,
I’m writing with a heavy heart to clarify my previous message regarding the affair between your cousin and Y/N. I realize now how misguided and hurtful my words were, driven by my own insecurities and shame.
The painful truth is that I am the one who had an affair for six long months with someone named @JapanJacobs. In my selfishness, I completely neglected my role as a husband and failed to be the partner Y/N deserved. I can’t express how deeply sorry I am for the emotional turmoil I’ve caused her.
I must admit that I also became aggressive with her during our struggles, which only pushed her further away. When she finally asked for a divorce, it sent me spiralling into a manic state that I couldn’t control. I was lost and scared, and I lashed out in my confusion.
I am currently seeking serious help for my mental health and undergoing an evaluation, but I know it may be too little, too late. I am truly ashamed of my actions and the pain I’ve inflicted, not just on my wife but on all of you as well.
I’m so sorry for dragging you into this mess and for speaking poorly of Y/N, who has shown me nothing but kindness. I feel utterly pathetic for what I’ve done, and I can only hope for forgiveness, even though I know I don’t deserve it.
Thank you for your understanding during this difficult time.
Sincerely,James
Looking up from the screen James can hardly speak again. “I’m not sending that!” he snaps scornfully. His pride would not allow it.
“I think you are and I bet you don't tell anyone about my visit either. Won’t make you look too sane. Promise you this, if I have to deal with another frown from something you did to my woman you won't walk again. You try something slick and your pops will be in the morgue first. You should’ve respected your beauty but now you’ve woken up a beast.” Rio stands as James’ night nurse enters. Rio waits for James to cry foul but he doesn't. Nodding Rio gives the nurse her cue. A sleep draft is administered and before James can make any stupid decisions he’s forced into a temporary sleep. The messages are sent, the story is posted and Rio leaves the hospital having snatched away all James’ power, safety and ego. According to the nurse, recovery would take at least six months which would be enough time to decide how to end him and make it look accidental.
Authors Note: Whew, this was a long one with a little of everything. I hope you all are happy with James getting his just due. Rio said aht aht aht, you're gonna suffer like you tried to make my girl. You're gonna go crazy like you tried to make my girl. Stick around and try me big dog 😂 What was your favourite part of the chapter? Also, I still have some time to finish up the final part so let me know any suggestions below or in my inbox 📥 .
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is this connection worth holding onto?
PAC reading ⊹♡
⋆ ˚。⋆ ꪆৎ ˚ MY TIP JAR ⋆ ˚。⋆ ꪆৎ ˚
are you stuck in a cycle with someone, unsure whether to keep going or let go? this reading examines the energy of the relationship, whether it’s moving toward growth or stagnation, and what you need to know to decide whether to stay tuned or change the station.
remember this is a collective message, so it might not resonate for everyone. tip at least £5 for your own personal reading! as always, energy is always changing. you are the master of your fate! patreon coming soon.
Pile One. ₊˚⊹♡.
your connection feels like it’s stuck in a loop, where moments of progress are often followed by confusion or setbacks. the energy suggests a strong push-and-pull dynamic, with potential for forward movement but also significant blocks that prevent things from flowing naturally. there may be unresolved fears or doubts that keep you both from fully stepping into this connection, creating a sense of stagnation or frustration.
there’s a lot of overthinking present in this relationship—whether it’s on your end, theirs, or both. you may feel trapped by your own thoughts, constantly questioning if you’re doing enough or if they’re meeting you halfway. this mental back-and-forth has created an invisible barrier, making it hard for either of you to move forward confidently. while there’s an underlying desire to make things work, it seems that neither of you has fully let go of past hurts or fears, which could be slowing down progress.
at the same time, there’s a sense of exhaustion here. you may feel like you’ve invested a lot of time and energy into this connection, only to see limited results. it’s possible that you’ve been waiting for them to meet you at the same level of effort, but that hasn’t materialized yet. this can lead to feelings of frustration or questioning whether continuing to pour energy into this relationship is worth it.
letting go seems to be a major theme for this connection—not necessarily letting go of each other, but of control, expectations, and emotional baggage. one or both of you may be holding on too tightly to a specific vision of what this relationship should look like, and this is preventing it from evolving naturally. the more you both try to control the outcome, the more resistance builds, creating delays and misalignment.
currently, the connection feels like it’s at a crossroads. the energy isn’t inherently negative, but it does require a shift. this relationship has the potential to teach you valuable lessons about patience, communication, and balance, but only if both parties are willing to confront the deeper issues at play. if there’s no willingness to address these blocks, the cycle may continue, leaving you feeling stuck.
if you feel there’s still something meaningful to learn or experience within this connection, staying tuned could bring clarity and growth. however, this will require both you and your person to actively work through your fears, open up communication, and release the patterns that have been holding you back. it’s not just about waiting for them to change—it’s about assessing whether both of you are ready to meet each other halfway.
there’s a possibility of movement and resolution here, but it will take time and effort. ask yourself if you’re willing to invest in this process and if you believe your person is capable of doing the same. the connection has the potential for renewal, but only if both of you can break free from the cycle of hesitation and miscommunication.
if this connection has been leaving you feeling drained, confused, or stuck for too long, it might be time to consider moving on. holding onto something that doesn’t feel reciprocal or fulfilling can block you from experiencing the love and harmony you deserve. letting go doesn’t mean failure—it’s about recognizing when you’ve done all you can and trusting that releasing the connection will make space for something healthier and more aligned.
changing the station doesn’t necessarily mean cutting them off completely, but it could mean stepping back emotionally to focus on your own growth and clarity. sometimes, distance can bring the perspective needed to reassess what you want and deserve in a relationship. at the core of this relationship is a need for clarity. it feels as though both of you are holding onto past wounds, insecurities, or patterns that are preventing the connection from thriving. while the bond is meaningful, it also feels like it’s testing your patience and resilience. you might find yourself wondering if you’re putting in more effort than you’re receiving or if the relationship is bringing out the best in you.
this connection is here to teach you about balance, patience, and the importance of mutual effort. reflect on whether it’s helping you grow or keeping you in a cycle of doubt and overthinking. trust that whichever decision you make—whether to stay tuned or change the station—will lead you closer to the alignment and peace you deserve. the choice is ultimately yours, but remember that you have the power to create a love that feels fulfilling and true. this connection’s purpose seems to be rooted in self-discovery. it’s asking you to reflect on your own boundaries, needs, and what you truly value in a partnership. there’s a lesson here about self-worth—about knowing when to hold on and when to let go. if both of you are willing to confront the issues and work toward a healthier dynamic, there’s potential for growth. however, if the effort continues to feel one-sided or the cycle remains unchanged, it may be time to reassess whether this connection is serving your highest good.
the underlying message here is about trust—trusting yourself, your instincts, and the direction this connection is taking. there’s a sense that you may be holding onto hope because you see potential, but potential alone isn’t enough to sustain a relationship. if you choose to stay, it’s important to have open and honest communication about the patterns that keep repeating and the steps both of you are willing to take to create real change. this is also a time for you to trust in your ability to make the right choice, whether that’s staying or leaving. know that your decision doesn’t define your worth—it’s simply a step toward aligning with what feels true to you.
Pile Two. ₊˚⊹♡.
this connection is charged with intense energy, passion, and determination, but it also carries an undercurrent of imbalance and uncertainty. it feels like a push-and-pull dynamic where both attraction and challenges coexist, creating a relationship that’s both magnetic and exhausting. there’s an undeniable chemistry here, but it’s paired with moments that test your emotional limits. this bond may feel irresistible, pulling you in with its fiery allure, but it also demands careful navigation through moments of tension, control, or impulsivity to find true balance.
at times, this connection may feel almost addictive, as though you’re drawn to the highs and can’t quite let go of the magnetic pull. emotions and interactions often run high, and while the passion can be exhilarating, it also risks overshadowing the deeper emotional truths that need to be explored. one or both of you may have a tendency to charge ahead, focusing on what feels good in the moment without fully considering the long-term consequences. while this can lead to moments of triumph and shared excitement, it can also create instability, leaving you unsure of where you stand. this relationship thrives on its highs—moments of shared admiration, mutual attraction, and undeniable chemistry. but the lows can feel just as powerful, creating a cycle of conflict and reconciliation that may leave you emotionally exhausted over time.
the highs of this connection are undoubtedly rewarding. there’s a sense of pride and admiration in what you’ve built together, even if it feels precarious at times. but with these victories comes a need for greater cooperation and less resistance. without addressing underlying issues, the connection risks becoming stuck in a loop where passion and tension alternate but true growth remains elusive. moments where one or both of you feel the need to control or dominate the narrative can lead to power struggles, which could strain the connection further if left unchecked.
on a deeper level, this relationship seems to be teaching you important lessons about self-awareness and balance. it’s not just about the chemistry and the rush of emotions—it’s about learning to align your desires with your actions and to build something that feels sustainable. the connection has momentum, but without intentional effort, it risks burning out or becoming emotionally draining. this is an opportunity for you to assess what truly matters to you and to ensure that your actions reflect those values.
staying tuned to this connection is an option if you’re willing to embrace both the intensity and the work required to bring balance and emotional depth into the relationship. while the path may not always be smooth, this connection has the potential to thrive if both of you are open to growth and willing to navigate the challenges with patience, understanding, and clear communication. grounding the energy of the relationship is key to ensuring that it remains fulfilling rather than overwhelming.
it’s important to address any tendencies toward impulsivity, control, or resistance, as these can create unnecessary tension and slow down progress. by slowing down and focusing on honest dialogue, you can create a foundation that feels both exciting and secure. the connection’s potential lies in its ability to combine passion with depth, but that requires both of you to be intentional about your actions and aligned in your goals.
if this relationship feels more draining than energizing, or if it seems to be driven primarily by intensity without emotional depth, it might be time to step back. the magnetic pull of the connection doesn’t necessarily mean it’s meant to last forever. stepping back can offer you the clarity needed to determine whether this bond aligns with your long-term goals and emotional needs. changing the station doesn’t have to mean completely walking away—it can mean pausing to reflect and recalibrate your priorities, allowing you to assess whether this connection is truly in your best interest.
this connection is a mix of passion, determination, and intensity, but it needs balance to truly flourish. take the time to reflect on whether the energy you’re investing is bringing you closer to fulfillment or simply creating more tension. this relationship is here to teach you about alignment—how to match your actions with your values and ensure that your desires are in harmony with your long-term goals. whether you choose to stay tuned or change the station, trust that the lessons you’re learning now will guide you toward a connection that feels fully aligned with your highest self. you deserve a relationship that balances passion with stability, intensity with understanding, and excitement with emotional depth. this is your opportunity to move toward a love that not only excites you but also sustains you in the long run.
while the connection has potential, it’s important to assess whether that potential is being realized or if it remains stuck in a space of “what could be.” reflect on whether the actions taken match the emotions felt, and trust your intuition as you decide the best path forward. you deserve a relationship that meets you where you are and grows with you into the future. whatever choice you make, trust that it will lead you to greater alignment with your highest good. however, currently, i've feeling a lean towards you realizing that leaving will provide you the clarity you deserve.
Pile Three. ₊˚⊹♡.
your connection feels like it’s weighed down by unresolved emotions and a lack of balance, but unlike other dynamics, the focus here is on whether the effort being put in matches the potential of the relationship. there’s a strong emotional tie pulling you back, but at the same time, there’s a lingering sense of incompleteness—like something essential is being left undone. it feels as if both of you want the connection to grow, yet one or both of you may not be fully committing to the work required to move forward. this creates an uneven dynamic that can leave you questioning if this is worth holding onto.
the energy suggests that fear is playing a significant role—fear of abandonment, rejection, or losing something that holds value, even if it’s not fulfilling. it’s possible that you’ve been holding on tightly, hoping for improvement, while the other person may be offering inconsistent effort. moments of closeness and warmth make the connection feel promising, but when those moments are followed by distance or stagnation, it creates emotional fatigue.
it feels like there’s a lack of alignment in how each of you approaches the relationship. while there’s a clear desire for stability and something meaningful, actions don’t seem to be matching intentions. whether it’s hesitation to make bold moves, avoidance of deeper conversations, or uncertainty about the future, these delays are keeping the connection in a state of limbo. this pattern of almost moving forward but never quite getting there can leave you feeling stuck and drained, unable to fully let go but also unable to fully grow together.
this connection seems to be teaching you about the importance of reciprocity and boundaries. it’s not just about giving your energy to the relationship—it’s about ensuring that your efforts are being met with the same level of care and dedication. relationships thrive when both people are equally invested, and this situation is asking you to reflect on whether that balance exists. it’s a moment for you to step back and ask yourself if the energy you’re pouring into this connection is truly leading to growth, or if it’s keeping you in a cycle of hope and waiting.
if you believe there’s value in continuing this relationship, it will require clear communication and a willingness from both sides to address what’s missing. the potential for growth is there, but it will only manifest if both of you are ready to rebuild the foundation with honesty and mutual effort. it’s not enough for one person to carry the emotional weight—both of you need to meet each other halfway. if you decide to stay, make sure you establish boundaries that protect your energy and give the relationship room to grow without compromising your own needs.
on the other hand, if this connection feels like it’s taking more than it’s giving, or if you see no signs of improvement, it may be time to step back. letting go doesn’t mean failure—it means choosing to prioritize your emotional well-being and opening yourself up to connections that align better with your values and desires. walking away can bring clarity, allowing you to refocus on what truly matters to you. sometimes, releasing a relationship is the most empowering choice, especially if it’s keeping you from finding the balance and peace you deserve.
one of the most striking aspects of this connection is how it highlights your inner strength and capacity for love. even in moments of uncertainty or imbalance, you’ve shown how deeply you can feel and how much you’re willing to give for the sake of love. this isn’t something to overlook—it’s a testament to your emotional depth and your desire for something meaningful. however, it’s important to ensure that your love and effort are being met in return.
while this relationship has potential, it’s equally important to acknowledge if that potential is being realized. are the actions being taken matching the emotions being expressed? is this connection helping you grow, or is it holding you in a space of “what could be”? your intuition holds the answer, and it’s guiding you toward a decision that will bring you closer to alignment with your highest self.
right now, the energy leans toward the realization that stepping away may provide you with the clarity and freedom you deserve. holding onto something that feels unbalanced only prolongs your journey toward the love and partnership that will truly fulfill you. trust that whatever choice you make will lead you to greater alignment, peace, and the relationship that reflects the love and dedication you bring to the table. you deserve a connection that uplifts you and grows with you, not one that leaves you questioning your worth or effort.
#pac#pac reading#pick a card#tarot pac#tarot pick a card#pick a card reading#intuitive readings#pick a deck#pick a photo#astro observations#astro notes#astrology#pick a picture#astrovations#pick a gif#kiss fm tarot#tarot#tarotblr#tarot cards#tarot reading#tarotcommunity#tarot deck#divination#pick a pile#tarot readings#tarot community#kiss fm#spirituality#pick an image#pac tarot
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how to find your word/theme for the new year
oftentimes, people like to know what their theme is for the next year. they want keywords! stuff that is short sweet and to the point (i am gonna do a bit of an explanation for why i picked the word but you will get what i mean). grab your solar return charts - yes, charts! chances are you will be experiencing two general themes in the year (unless you were born the week before the new year or the week following the new year).
my birthday is in october, so it feels like i get a head start on the theme that will take up a majority of my next year. at the same time, i have these two random months at the end of the year that are not the same as the bulk of my year...
so looking at your solar return charts - we want to examine the 1h! the 1h will tell us what is the driving force of the year. so on to my examples for my year (assuming i don't move):
january to october
1h sagittarius (9°, 21°): grow, explore, optimism, freedom, etc
1h ruler in 6h: routine, health, work, service, etc
combining the themes
balance: sagittarius demands personal growth and expansion but 6h requires service and the support of others, if not the support of your body.
expand: sagittarius and jupiter wish to explore new opportunities - the 6h is about health and the job you do, so this could be about expanding your personal development in terms of how you nourish your body or seeking out new job opportunities that will aid your personal development.
harmony: there is a natural opposition oftentimes between asc and 6h (at least using WHS)... so this could be a year of boundaries learning how to balance self-assertion while also being generous towards others.
wellness: both then 1h and the 6h are tied to the body in some way shape and form... and sagittarius is a natural explorer, so this could be a time for you to explore your health, your fitness routine, dna, etc. chance are there is something you can learn to become a better version of yourself physically!
november to december
1h aries (1°, 13°, 25°): courage, assert, lead, confidence, self trust, etc
1h ruler in 8h: transform, power, growth, heal, etc
1h chiron: confront, wisdom, transform, self-acceptance, etc
asc square moon: integrate, present, feel, etc
combining the themes
empower: there is a lot at play in the end portion of the year and for a majority of 2026 for me. with the asc square moon and 1h chiron it seems likely learning to confront being hurt and to be okay with being not okay. 1h ruler in 8h and 1h aries can be about feeling encouraged to reclaim power over a situation. mars/ares is a battle god he has seen some shit and still standing tall, scars and all.
heal: playing off of the themes discussed in "empower", it takes strength and courage to say you want to heal and get better - to no longer want active wounds but scars instead. this is a more focused, emphasized look at 1h ruler in 8h and 1h chiron.
release OR resilience: asc square moon and 1h ruler in the 8h demand a catharsis. let go of what is no longer serving you emotionally. unpack the mental and emotional baggage you carry with you. emerge stronger (1h aries) and wiser (1h chiron) for doing so.
self-acceptance: aries is the 1st sign of the zodiac and often is referred to as the child of the bunch. 1h ruler in the 8h may require you to dig through emotional past stuff. asc square moon is all the emotional stuff you still have bottled up and haven't released yet. 1h chiron are wounds you can't heal yourself... you have learn to embrace everything - hug your inner child because they need it, go through the past stuff and process it, accept those bottled emotions because they have been a part of you for so long, and recognize you can't always patch up your own wounds. accept who you are as a whole - baggage, blood, bottles, and all.
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Heya, wanted to send in an ask about UF,US,SF and FS Papyruses (Papyri?) about how they show affection? Maybe how they pine after their crush? Whatever you wanna include just go wild with it! ☕🙏
The Papyri when they have a crush
(Underfell, underswap,swapfell, fellswap & fellswap Gold edition)
(Thank you for the ask too, I hope I answered it correctly :] )
UF (Boss): You will know this man likes you when you can start to get away with little things you couldn't before, instead of threats of violence when you sneakily "taste test" dinner he'll shoot you a side eye with a tap of his heel, or a pinch of the bridge bone when you've done something dumb. He has absolutely zero clue on how to initiate affection, but will subtly position himself in ways in which require you to brush past him or interact with him in some manner, craving your touch. When he gets bashful it often manifests as silent glaring, but you know him well enough that he isn't really angry. He is very cat like when pining over someone, in the sense that he pretends not to care for your presence at all but conveniently always ends up in the same room as you, and oh, he brought you food but not because he thought of you but just because it would go to waste otherwise definitely not any other reason..
US (Slim): Slim is a bit of a romantic, which surprises a lot of people as he isn't often very open about it, but he's the type to rock up to your work with a coffee and a baked good just to chill with you on your lunch break. He'll find out your star sign so he can read your zodiac love compatibility analysis online and looks for your initials on those "your initials your cats" tiktok slides. That being said he's still a bit of a hard one to get to know, sometimes you may catch him staring but if you go to say anything about it he'll just a quickly go to give you a quick ruffle on the head, call you pal and make a quick escape almost like he's shutting down any attempts to return affection. Secretly he's nervous to fuck things up, everyone expects him to be the laid back, no worries guy but letting someone in is letting them know he's got some baggage to him, and feels as though it will drive them away.
SF(Cash): If Cash has caught feelings for you, the first sign will be the fact you will be his new favourite person to annoy the fuck out of. Oh? You thought you were going to be able to quietly wash those dishes with nothing but your thoughts? Think again cause he's already leaning his full body weight against your shoulder pestering you. Cash hates sharing things but for you? You want it, it's yours now. Oh, you really like the bracelet he's got on? No sooner has he pulled you by the hand and transferred it from his wrist to yours. He always has an excuse to drag you along to some shenanigan or midnight adventure, but really he just loves having you around. He's a teaser, will tease you to no end, play the right card and tease him back and you might actually be able to fluster him. He's already a bit of a 'no idea what personal space is' kind of guy but if he's caught feelings he's always looking for opportunities to touch you, whether that's throwing his arm over your shoulder as you're walking or outright sitting right on top of you.
FS (Mutt): very protective, prefers to walk slightly behind you, always watching for any kind of threat and will challenge any stare with a twice as chilling one in return. is the kind of guy to silently notice that you're cold walking at night and without even asking he's draped his coat right over you. He's a little bit more bold in terms of how he behaves when he likes you, if you go to tease him he'll pull you in by the collar until you're a breath away and tease you right back. he's not the type to fall for someone easily , or even actively search in the first place, so if he ends up catching feelings know that he's set on you. The patient type, you don't need to return his feelings or like him back right away, but he'll wait, until it's the right time to have you. If you smoke he's always inviting you outside to share a late night smoke where the two of you will chat all night. Reliable and immensely loyal, will drop everything at any time of day or night to come help you with whatever you need if you so much as shoot him a text asking, though often times you won't even have to ask as he's often already lingering around uninvited.
FS Gold (Coffee): a nervous mess, and the definition of handsy. He is naturally very touchy with his friends so you might not pick up on his little crush immediately and you best believe he will fully well take advantage of that to constantly be all over you. He loves art and you will quickly become a big subject of his works, little squiggles in his notepad to full pieces of digital art. Can become a little jealous if he feels like you don't dedicate enough time to him despite not even being in a relationship with him. He will try to hide his crush from his brother as long as possible but once it comes out you better hope you're in his brothers good books.. that being said he won't stop gushing about you to Wine, you're always on his thoughts, and you're always his favourite thing to talk about. He's a lot more mischievous when he feels comfortable with someone and uses his more innocent and unseeming persona to drop subtle little compliments or semi-flirtatious lines to rile you up and then pretend like he had no idea what he said could be conveyed any other way.. if you do the same back he will 100% blush until his skull is another colour and will probably need 10-15mins to do a full reboot though.
#ask blog#undertale#papyrus#sans#undertale au#asks open#swapfell#underswap#x reader#underfell#fellswap#headcannon
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Human 101: Cooking
pairing: rk800 connor x reader
words: 2.1 k
warnings: language, self-deprecating humour, lack of proofreading, fic from reader's pov
summary: human 101 with (y/n) and Connor, a crash course on the basics of humanity, brought to you by sumo and a very sleep-deprived writer (comedy, fluff)
additional context: reader has a rampant crush on Connor, as established in Short Circuit, this could be treated as a sequel in spirit or just a standalone.
a/n: thanks for all the love for my previous fic, here's another one <3
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Unlike other deviants, Connor took his time to come to terms with his deviancy. Imagine you live your entire life (even if your whole life was barely a couple weeks) thinking your only purpose was to, say, hunt dogs. What would you do if you woke up one day to find you were the dog all along? This feels like a bad analogy. You get the point.
That kind of revelation would definitely come with its own baggage. I mean, I can't even begin to imagine what it must've been like. So even if Connor has finally made his peace with being a deviant, I have made it my life's mission to help him experience the highs and lows of being fully human. Call it Human 101.
Lesson one? Cooking. Sure "Love makes us human" Yeah okay but if you really think about it, it is cooking. Literally no other species cooks. Everyone fucks. Go figure.
"Cooking is fundamental," I told him, as we stood in my kitchen. "It’s like… the ultimate human bonding experience. Families, friends, lovers-" I stopped myself there, flustered, oops, but he didn’t seem to notice. "It’s about creating something from scratch, with your hands. Plus, we get to eat it after. Win-win."
"I should inform you that I already have access to an extensive database of recipes and culinary techniques. If required, I can prepare any dish with precise measurements and optimal timing. There is a less than one percent chance of error."
"Oh, no no," I laughed. "We can't follow recipes, God, no. Cooking is about spontaneity. About chaos. Screwing up is where the fun is."
His head tilted slightly, LED blinking yellow as though he were processing my statement. "You believe the experience is improved by the possibility of failure?"
"Absolutely!" I said, grabbing a whisk from the counter. "It's not just about the taste, you know? You need to spill flour everywhere, accidentally burn the sauce, or switch salt with sugar. That's the human way. You mess up, you laugh about it, and sometimes you end up making something even better than you planned."
Connor stared at me for a long moment, as though trying to reconcile my argument with his programming. "This is… counterintuitive. But intriguing."
"Exactly!" I said, pointing the whisk at him like I’d just solved world hunger. "Now, step one: forget the database. No looking up recipes. We’re winging it."
He blinked at me. "Winging it?"
"Yes. We’re going to use whatever’s in the fridge and figure it out as we go. Trust me, it’ll be great."
He looked at me like there was a loading screen inside his head. "Statistically, this approach has a higher likelihood of failure. That is... good?"
"Exactly." I grinned, tossing him an apron. "Let's get cooking, Wall-E."
Connor caught the apron mid-air, holding it up like it was a wet sock. "Is this truly necessary for the process?"
"Oh yeah, big time," I said, tying my own around my waist. "It’s part of the uniform. Cooking without an apron is like... running a mission without a plan."
That got a faint quirk of his lips. "I wasn’t aware cooking was so strategic."
"It’s not," I said, pulling open the fridge and gesturing dramatically. "It’s pure chaos. Okay, what do we have?"
Connor peered inside with the precision of someone scanning a battlefield. It may as well have been, honestly. "Tomatoes, cheese, leftover chicken, and... two peppers approximately three days past their optimal freshness." No, I am not embarrassed about how I ration. Okay fine, a little bit.
"Perfect. We’re making pizza."
He straightened slightly, tilting his head at me. "A pizza is typically constructed using dough as a base. There is no dough present."
"There will be if we make it from scratch. Flour, water, some yeast if I remembered to buy it... probably. Easy."
As I started rummaging through the pantry, Connor stayed rooted in place, watching me like he was making notes like I'd be quizzing him on pantry rummaging etiquette later. When I turned around, a bag of flour in hand, I caught him staring.
"What?"
"I was considering how often you engage in these… unpredictable approaches. It’s unconventional. Yet, it appears to bring you joy."
I paused, caught off-guard by how earnestly he’d said it. "Yeah, I guess it does. Life’s too short to stress about being perfect all the time, you know?"
Connor seemed to mull that over, but instead of replying, he reached for the bag of flour. "Allow me. The chances of you spilling that are statistically high."
"Oh, wow, thanks for the vote of confidence," I said, rolling my eyes.
He smiled then- an actual, honest-to-goodness smile that made my stomach do a weird little flip.
We started working on the dough together. Well, I started working on the dough, he was fighting demons. It was hilarious. It was like the dough owed him money.
"Dude, dude, relax. The dough isn't your enemy. You're not interrogating the dough. You need to be gentle with it. We like the dough. The dough is our friend."
"The same way Hank is our friend?"
"Hank is dough, yes."
"Well, Hank is not responding well to my kneading."
Wait. A joke? Was that a joke? Holy shit.
I blinked at him, eyebrows shooting up. “Did you just…?”
His lips twitched, though it was still subtle. “I’m capable of humor when required.” I nudged him lightly with my elbow, the warmth of the moment sinking in. He gave the dough another half-hearted punch, then added, “I don't understand why Dough Hank isn't cooperating.”
“Well, firstly, stop punching it like it owes you money. You have to be gentle. Dough requires finesse.”
He tilted his head, his LED spinning in thought. “Finesse,” he repeated, his hands hesitating awkwardly above the dough.
His struggling with the dough was honestly the most adorable thing I have ever seen. He was trying, he really was, but his confusion from the dough not reciprocating for all his efforts and him not being able to wrap his head around it made for a hilarious staring contest between Dough Hank and Connor. He held it up and stared at it closely, possibly with malicious intent.
Earth to (Y/n), I stepped closer until I was pressed lightly against his side. “Here, let me show you.” Sliding my hands over his, I guided his movements, pressing gently into the dough, folding and rolling it in a smooth rhythm. “See? You’re not fighting it. You’re working with it.”
Connor followed my lead, his hands relaxing under mine. His head dipped slightly, and when I glanced up, I realized he was watching me instead of the dough. I was hyperaware of the fact that I was so close to him and was very sure he could figure out just how nervous I was feeling.
“So, we negotiate with the dough,” he murmured, his voice quieter, almost teasing now.
“Exactly,” I said, laughing softly. “Negotiation is key. Be nice, and it’ll be nice back.”
I watched him start over with dough Hank, this time, more gently. Like he was getting the hang of it. "I think I’m starting to understand," he murmured.
I raised an eyebrow. “Understand what?”
"What being human is about," he said quietly, his voice almost contemplative. “It’s about embracing it. The mess, the failure, the laughter. The joy of not being perfect. I quite like the idea of not having to be perfect all the time."
In all honesty, I was not sure how to respond to that. He looked like a huge burden had been lifted off his shoulders like someone had just told him it was okay to breathe for the first time. And, for a moment, I almost didn’t want to ruin it.
His LED flickered a soft yellow, his eyes- those damn calm eyes- finally looking a little less... distant. It felt like I was staring at the kind of person you’d want to confide in, the kind who’d get it.
I bit my lip, trying not to smile. “You okay there, Connor?”
He glanced up, that soft smile still hanging on his lips. “I believe so,” he said, voice uncharacteristically light. “I think I’m finally making progress. With understanding humanity. And dough Hank.”
I snorted, quickly covering my mouth to hide the laugh. "Well, dough Hank was a tough nut to crack, but you did it, so good job."
He smiled, like he was proud of himself, and looked so damn cute. I shook myself out of my thoughts and grabbed the rolling pin, ready to get back to work. "Alright, now that we’ve figured out how to negotiate with dough, let’s make this pizza. We’re going all in."
Connor, still looking oddly content, glanced at the ingredients on the counter. "I assume we’ll be using the tomatoes, cheese, and chicken? I’ve been considering possible toppings. The peppers are not ideal."
"Connor, I have no regard for my safety and you don't have a digestive system. I think we'll be fine."
"Suit yourself, (Y/n)." Again. That damn lilt in his voice when he says my name. It's like he knows what it's doing to me. Asshole.
After about 20 minutes, Dough Hank had fully become Pizza Hank and it was finally time.
"Alright, Baymax. Moment of Truth."
"I must ask. What is with the various robot nicknames? Are they terms of endearment?"
"Sure, let's go with that."
"Noted. In that case, it only seems appropriate to assign you one in return... Sugar?"
"Oh wow, no. God, just, no."
"Sport?"
"Nope."
"Champ?"
"Worse!"
"I'm bad at this, aren't I?"
"Baby steps, C3PO."
I liked this. Banter, his company, this... the whole thing. Whatever it can be called. Watching him discover things I have known my entire life is such an enthralling experience. It's like that one revelation you have when you're like 7 or 8 when you realize that you are alive TM. Except this time, you're watching someone else have it. I don't know if any of this makes sense, but what I do know is that I don't want this to end any time soon.
"Wow, this is disgusting."
Pizza Hank was a pile of dog shit. It was like a troll and an ogre had a baby on my tongue. No self-respecting person would put that in their mouth a second time. My mouth hates me for this.
"I thought failure was welcome. Is it not?"
"Yeah, but this is straight-up nuclear, my guy. I wouldn't eat this if someone paid me money."
"Well, while I cannot taste food the way humans do, I am able to simulate the experience of tasting by analyzing the composition of the food. I could describe it to you if you would like."
"Really? What do you think?" he picked up a slice and confidently took a bite out of it.
"Yeah, this is awful."
I put my hands up in resignation. Cooking was a disaster. I am useless and do not deserve nice things. Pain is eternal and hell beckons.
"I'm sorry for wasting your time, this is all my fault."
"Failure, as you pointed out, is part of the process. And it wasn’t a waste of time."
I groaned, dropping onto a stool and burying my face in my hands. "It’s not even edible. We can’t exactly bond over a pile of inedible sludge."
“I don’t think the goal here was actually to cook something edible, was it? From what I understand, it was about experiencing the act of cooking- and bonding with each other. By that measure, I believe we have succeeded.”
I was caught off guard. He thought we "successfully bonded". Please excuse me while I pass away.
"You really think so?"
He nodded while smiling at me reassuringly while putting the mangled remains of pizza Hank back on the plate. "Besides, per my observation, your shift in mood could be a result of hunger."
"Yeah, I haven't eaten anything all day, have I?"
"Not to my knowledge."
"You wanna get good pizza and go to Real Hank's place?"
"I would love to. I have been meaning to see Sumo."
cut-scene from the car ride <3
"I just assumed the pizza would be edible. You know? I can call it optimism all I want but that's just a lack of planning."
"Is lack of planning an inherent human trait?"
"Oh, Yeah. Top of the list, actually."
a/n: now I liked Short Circuit more but here's part 2 <3 also yes I took the cooking makes us human bit from another popular tumblr post, i just thought it was hilarious
#detroit become human#connor x reader#dbh connor x reader#rk800 x reader#dbh connor#connor rk800#connor rk800 x reader#rk800 connor x reader#maya writes#dbh#dbh x reader#connor x reader fluff#dbh rk800#dbh fluff
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Office Hours - Dr. Oppenheimer x Graduate Student!Reader (Part 2)
Synopsis: Dr. Oppenheimer continues an affair with his former student.
Warnings: Teacher/Student Relationship, Cheating, Smut, Nervous Breakdown, Sexism
Author's Note: This is the 1st fic I'm posting as a 23-year-old. Sorry it took so long. Enjoy!
Click here to read part one!
Your affair with Robert was best thing you could ask for and now it was going up in flames before your eyes.
“I leave tomorrow morning.” He said softly, cradling your nude body.
“If you love me, you wouldn’t go. What is so important that you can’t write or call? I won’t even know where you will be.” You croaked.
“I do love you but it’s out of my hands. I’m sorry.” He agonized. Suddenly, you stumbled off the bed and ran to the bathroom. He tried to follow behind you but the door was already locked.
“Open the door.” He begged.
“Go away!” You wept. He stayed at the door listening to your muffled sobs until he dressed himself and left without a word.
A nervous breakdown characterized the next few weeks. The invitations to outing from your friends slowed as they suspected you were too far gone. In a fit of rage, you destroyed your home. Your concerned neighbors contacted the authorities when they heard the commotion. Upon seeing a woman in hysterics, he apologized for wasting your time and left hastily. You smashed your framed doctorate degree in a final act of defiance. Finally, you fell asleep on your couch with the remnants of destruction around you.
After a period of grief, you decided to pour yourself into research at your alma mater. Your gender proved to be a significant barrier. You began to omit your first name from peer-reviewed journals and reveled in the shock of your colleagues when they met you in person. Eventually, you got your own office. You felt a sense of normalcy for the first time in a while.
You were surprised to see two U.S. soldiers waiting at your office door when you came into work. Your secretary explained that they were here on “private business matters”. You reluctantly invited them in and sat at your desk. Both of their uniforms were adorned with a variety of service ribbons. One of the soldiers explained that there was a classified project that required the assistance of scientists. He firmly added that if you were interested in the appointment, you needed to keep it a secret. The other seemed to be a form of reinforcement as he likely assumed you were male.
As great as things were going here, you thought this was a great opportunity to leave all of the baggage of California and gain worthwhile experience in your field. After a lengthy conversation, they told you that you had until Monday morning to decide—it was Wednesday. He handed you his business card and shook your hand. They left as quickly as they arrived.
The encouragement of your friends and colleagues was enough for you to make a decision. On Friday afternoon, you watched everyone leave for weekend as you nervously twiddled the business card in your hands. You finally dialed the number and cleared your throat to boost your confidence.
“Sergeant Fuller.” He answered, picking up the phone rather quickly.
“Hi, this is Dr. Y/L/N. I was calling to confirm my interest in the opportunity you mentioned on Wednesday.” You concluded, twirling the phone cord with your finger.
“Great news. You will receive a memorandum with a start date in the mail. It should arrive on Monday afternoon.” He said.
“Thank you. Have a great weekend.” You replied, hanging up the phone.
On the morning you were due to leave, you looked around at your empty 1-bedroom home for the last before beginning the 16 hour drive to Santa Fe, New Mexico. You made regular stops to take photos of the gorgeous landscape. Memories of a romantic excursion to Robert’s ranch in the Sangre de Cristo Range tugged at your heartstrings. You were exhausted by the time you reached the city. You checked into your assigned hotel and went to bed.
The next morning, you reported to the U.S Army Corps of Engineers at 8:30 am. You met with a kindly woman named Dorothy McKibbin who gave you necessary documentation and directions to Los Alamos. The process proved to be tedious as a thorough background check was conducted in order to give you security clearance. Little to your knowledge, your offer letter was signed by your previous paramour, Robert Oppenheimer.
You drove to the location and made it through the military checkpoint in one piece. While you were being escorted to the on-site housing complexes, you were amazed at how a bustling city was built in the middle of nowhere. You were given a quaint 1-bedroom apartment in a building with a gorgeous, forested background. Your belongings were diligently searched and put away deftly.
“Are we allowed to call our family and friends?” You asked, searching for a landline.
“Phones aren’t permitted in private residences. There’s a phone in the lobby for emergencies.” A volunteer soldier defined as if he’s said this many times before. You rolled your eyes and thanked him for his help. Before he left, he made an attempt at encouragement.
“You’ll be in history books for this. Try to make the best of it, miss.” He remarked, closing the door behind him. Your only connection to the outside world was a radio gifted to you by your secretary. You sat it on a table near the window so it could get the best signal possible. Bing Crosby serenaded your decorating process. Your finishing touch was hanging your graduate degree above your desk. To keep yourself sane, you decided to keep a daily journal.
The following day, you decided to explore the locale. You found a café near the log and stone cottages on site. After ordering, you sat at an empty table in a corner and wrote in your journal. A familiar voice interrupted your mindless scribbling. You looked up and saw Robert and his heavily pregnant wife, Kitty. They were meeting with a burly man in an army uniform. You were so bewildered that you couldn’t move. Unbeknownst to his wife, Robert saw you walk in and insisted they go in for some inexplicable reason. Kitty ordered him to go up and order since she was much too tired. He ordered a coffee for the two of them and a chocolate croissant for Table No. 9. A few minutes later, the pastry arrived to your table with a note taped to the plate.
I’ve missed you dearly. Meet me at Stone Lodge #6 at 7pm.
-Robert
—
You came to the cabin prepared to admonish Robert for his impudent actions. Instead, your nude body was intertwined with his as it was on the last night you saw him. The fireplace crackled quietly in the background of his perfervid dedication to you. Afterwards, you decided it was time to address the elephant in the room.
“Do you love me like you love Kitty?” You said quietly, intertwining your fingers with his. His eyes flickered pensively before he answered.
“No, I love you in a different way.” He replied confidently, kissing you deeply. You kissed back with the same intensity and then pulled away.
“Would you leave her for me?” You asked daringly, catching your breath. Signs of disquiet crept into his stark features. In an effort to soothe himself, he lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply.
“I can’t answer that.” He admitted. You felt a deep sting at his words.
“Do you remember what you promised me at Sangre de Cristo?” You interrogated.
“Yes, but-“ He started, ashing the cigarette.
“I was promised a ring, a baby, and a life out of the dark. And yet, here I am with nothing.” You croaked, tears filling your eyes.
“It’s more complicated than that. I…recommended you for this project because I felt horrible about how things ended. I was sworn to secrecy.” He explained, taking your hand in his. There were millions of things running through your mind. Staying silent, you rolled over and fell asleep. He put out his cigarette and embraced you from behind.
Waking up the next morning, Robert watched as you dressed yourself.
“If you’d like, I can drive you back to your apartment and wait for you. We’re running a bit late.” He said, adjusting his tie and looking at his watch.
“Are you sure you’re not embarrassed to be seen in public with me?” You murmured.
“No.” He spoke softly, pulling a jacket over your shoulders and kissing you tenderly.
While waiting outside of your apartment building, Robert pondered the aforementioned promise he gave you. He wished there was some way to make a honest woman of you and keep Kitty happy. He was at an impasse that seemed impossible to solve. Gazing at his watch once more, he wondered what was keeping you. Before he could go check on you, you were walking to the car. The curls in your hair were pristine and your makeup complimented your carefully-selected outfit.
“Ready to go?” You said with a coy smile, breaking his trance.
“Y-yes.” He stuttered, driving off.
Robert spent the little free time he had that morning admiring your beauty. You made it a point to cross your legs to sneakily show off your garter belt. His colleagues were equally distracted but were much better at hiding their ogling. At noon, he caught you alone in the hallway. You were whisked into his office for a brief liaison. At the pinnacle, his desk began to scrape against the floor with his impassioned movements. You two had made love countless times but there was a lustral quality to moment. He lingered until the alarm signaled for everyone to return to work.
—
Too busy frolicking with his former student, Robert forgot to tend to his pregnant wife at home. Kitty had went into labor in the middle of the night and he received a courtesy call from Rabi. Naturally, he rushed to her side and reveled in the arrival of his baby girl. You felt disposed of once more but had little time to wallow in self-pity—you were pregnant. You felt a mix of gratification and dread. You had a lifelong connection to the only man you ever loved but could end up raising the child with a fleeting father. You had no idea what to do outside of telling him in person.
You knocked on the door of the cabin and waited for him to answer. He opened the door with a smile on his face and went to hand you a drink before you handed him papers from the nearby clinic. He stayed calm as he read through them.
“What are we going to do?” You asked nervously. He took your hand in his and sat you next to him.
“This is what we planned for. I made a promise to you and I plan to keep it.” He declared. You wordlessly embraced him and hoped he was telling the truth.
The End
#we are so back!#my writing#cillian murphy#oppenheimer#oppenheimer x reader#cillian murphy smut#teacher x student#smut#love#drama#period drama
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I think a lot of the basis for anarchism's common 'How would we deal with that? Well, it simply wouldn't happen,' problem is the notion of human behaviour 'in a vacuum'.
In reality, we're not building society in a vacuum. We're building it in the real world, out of our real society. We're not imagining some scenario where a bunch of generic people appear in a forest clearing and build a town, we're planning how to improve the society we actually exist in, a society populated by our real neighbours, with all their social dependencies and baggage. Maybe, indeed, a human being in the abstract would have no reason to steal from common stockpiles, or behave antisocially, or refuse to work when able - it is vacuously true. We can't care about supposed innate human nature, all human behaviour is dependent on context and environment. You need to think through the question of 'what happens when someone does anyway?' - because the answer might not be a comfortable one. Refusing to acknowledge the hard questions and their implications doesn't make you better than those that have openly stated what difficult measures and compromises they will navigate. Most of the time, when pressed, the answer to 'what happens' from those who have attempted to ignore the question, is 'death squad', or 'nobody owes you anything'.
Necessarily, whenever we look ahead to a planned future, we also need to look at what it requires to go from here to there. Instead of just appearing, history-free in a settlement, we must make our own way there, fighting against every force that would intend to keep us where we are. We can definitively say this about our future: the organisations and institutions that will build it will have to be ones that have not only survived but also won a revolutionary civil war, against the forces of police and military technology and equipment. That immediately precludes what directions we can organise towards. We have a fixed basis: our present society; and we have now, too, a fixed direction: a fighting organisation that can survive, grow, and organise an entire society around itself. Critically, we also have a wealth of historical experience as to how such things are done - how to fight, how to win. Those are the key things - how do we, tomorrow, today if we're free, start working towards the total military defeat of our enemy, and the preservation of ourselves, in the real world? 'How will we deal with that?' is an incredibly important question to answer now, when we're not yet in a muddy hole shooting fascists and bleeding.
Fundamentally, this is not a thought experiment, this is not a ponderance on the nature of man, it is a matter of practical planning, for when our strikes are dispersed by armed force, and when our breakfast programs are assaulted by fascist thugs. Anything less can only reveal a lack of actual revolutionary aims.
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I've heard some people lauding the NATO phonetic alphabet, and am just sort of scratching my head about that.
Like, here were the criteria for words in the alphabet:
Be a live word in each of the three working languages.
Be easily pronounced and recognized by airmen of all languages.
Have good radio transmission and readability characteristics.
Have a similar spelling in at least English, French, and Spanish, and the initial letter must be the letter the word identifies.
Be free from any association with objectionable meanings.
But then you look at what they actually picked and it's like ... okay, you picked a bunch of names? You picked "Whiskey"? On the assumption that what, this is a drink that's common everywhere in the world? That everyone is fine having an alcoholic drink as one of the words? Nowadays I can pull up a global map of whiskey consumption, but that's not something they could do in the 50s, and I would guess that they were not considering e.g. Muslim pilots. (Some places do actually change out "Whiskey" for this reason, along with other regional variants, which are exactly the sort of thing you want in a standard everyone is supposed to be on the same page about.)
And alright, whatever, I think the list is kind of confusingly culturally bound given what the criteria were, but it served its purpose well enough ...
Except that as standards do, it began to be used in other places, including by civilians, and including by civilians when both parties have not agreed on the NATO phonetic alphabet. It would be great if we all had an agreed upon phonetic alphabet that everyone knew, but the fact that some people don't know it makes it a lot worse, particularly if you're on a customer service call, and particularly if you're on a customer service call with someone who is not a native English speaker and who was not raised in the same cultural context that the NATO phonetic alphabet assumes.
If you, like me, love terrible quality PDFs, then some helpful soul made a FOIA request for "The Evolution and Rationale of ICAO Spelling Alphabet", and you can read it. This is a fun read for me, because it's not just concerned with the phonetic alphabet, but the history of it, and in one case they're just like "welp, we have been completely unsuccessful in locating this file". And I'm sitting here in 2024 reading a ratty PDF of a file from 1959, thinking "yup, that's how it is sometimes, they do all that work making a report and then no one fucking preserves it".
(Most of the document is about whether they would use the US-UK version or the ICAO version, and then some modifications and why they were made, and this is all interesting, but I'm kind of still scratching my head about some of these, especially given what they say the criteria were. "An international alphabet designed to fit the multilingual requirements of all nations"? Maybe they really thought that's what they were doing in the 1950s.)
Anyway, this isn't to say that I think we need a new, better phonetic alphabet, just that I think the current one is not actually the pinnacle of standards that some people seem to think it is, and in fact, it contains a lot of baggage from the time and place it was made. Further, it's being used in places well outside the environment it was made for, and unless everyone is trained in it (and maybe even if they are) some of the deficiencies get magnified.
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Good Fences (Fluffuary #18)
FEB18: Healing
TW: wound care, hurt/comfort
When John came back from his most recent tour, it had been months since you’d seen him. The summer had come and gone, and it was nearly mid-October by the time he had leave again. Over the course of his time away on his mission, communication had been almost non-existent, which you weren’t used to. He would reply in short, vague messages, and sometimes a simple “I love you” was all you would see for a week. Needless to say, you had been worried sick.
On the afternoon you were set to pick him up from the airport, you got a call from Kyle.
“Kyle? Hey! Is everything alright?”
“Yeah, babes. All good. We all came back in one piece. Look, I’m not supposed to be calling you. He’s gonna kill me for it, but it can’t be helped.”
“Why? What’s happened?”
“He’s hurt his shoulder pretty badly. He won’t ask you to, but you are probably going to have to help him change the bandages. Didn’t want him thinking he could hide it like he’s been trying to.”
“Oh, my God,” your stomach dropped, “Is he alright?”
“He’ll be good as new in a few weeks. Swear. But, he’ll try to do it alone. I know you haven’t seen him hurt, but he’s just that way. I wanted you to know.”
“Thanks so much for telling me, Kyle.”
“You bet, babes. Hope to see you in a few weeks if I get a chance to fly over.”
“Sounds good. See you then,” you hung up the phone.
The whole drive to the airport was nerve wracking. You wondered how bad it was. You also wondered how he had been hurt. You mind fed you horror story after horror story, until you decided you were majorly overreacting.
You took some deep breaths as you waited in baggage claim, and when you finally saw him and his dirty boonie hat coming up the stairs, you nearly broke past the TSA line to get to him.
“John!” You exclaimed, wrapping your arms around his neck and feeling him wrap only one arm around you.
You held him back to study him, and he noticed, asking,
“Who called? It was Garrick, wasn’t it?”
You sighed, not answering him but not lying to him either,
“Where are you hurt? Show me your shoulder.”
“C’mon, let’s go home at least. I’m tired, pretty girl,” he kissed your cheek and grabbed your hand.
You huffed a bit, still worried, but you were relieved that he was home where he belonged.
Back at your apartment, you waited a full ten minutes before insisting that you go into the bathroom to clean and dress his wound.
“Alright, love,” John sighed, “Alright.”
You didn’t like how tired he sounded. Watching him grimace as he removed his shirt hurt your heart, and you gasped when you saw his bandages.
There was a huge gash beneath his dressings, and more than twenty stitches held it together. Luckily, it was clean and free of infection, but it would definitely require weeks of care.
“Oh, John,” you breathed, kissing his other shoulder tenderly.
He sighed,
“I know, love. I’m sorry. Comes with the territory, I’m afraid.”
“It’s alright,” you reassured him, “I’ll take care of you. You’re safe with me, now. You’re safe here.”
He turned and grabbed you by the arm, dragging you to his side, hugging you tightly to him, staring down into your face with an odd intensity.
John’s eyes were looking into yours, searching them almost frantically before settling into a loving, fiery gaze, and he told you,
“Pretty girl, you have no idea how bloody true that is, and that’s why I love you so damn much.”
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how to fall in love with life?
i feel unqualified to answer, im so mentally ill, but i'll try. also, im drunk, so excuse the incongruency. if youre looking to fall in love with life, and youre asking someone who is also hurting, it's likely you have not been given what you deserve throughout your life. please acknowledge you have always deserved the love life has to offer, the sweet moments of connection and warmth. what took that love from you was not fair; grieve it entirely. you always deserved to fall in love with life. let it hurt entirely. please do not be afraid of the hurt. it's proof the love has always belonged to you. please hurt entirely, it's necessary to let the love in. dont let the shame stop you from hurting. please, i know this sounds counterintuitive, let yourself feel so fucking hurt. it doesnt mean you have to be angry, or righteous, or demand answers, just let it hurt. cry, or be sad. acceptance that things are not right is key.
after that, learn to be childlike again. learn to be scared again without baggage. learn to play games without remorse. learn to make art again, regardless of talent. be open, even while being so scared. find the right people to be open to (read: platonic people, do not go looking for romantic openness, that is for later on). love of life6 requires finding the right people to be open to. do not find those people online, or at the very least, dont let the online people be the key people. find people in the real world (if youre like me, that is real fucking scary. but it cant be done any other way. it has to be people whose reaction you can see physically in real time).
after that, just be you. the person you have been reluctant to be. be overwhelming. be sad. be fun. go out in nature. find outlets (up to you. could be physical activity, or writing, or nature appreciation, or other types of art, could be sex, could be platonic activity. everyone is different, dont judge what finds you).
basically, be the version of you that you knew was always true. be messy. be earnest. find safety, which, paradoxically, requires a bit of risk first. be so scared. love requires undoing the baggage put on you, which, in turn, requires a bit of fear.
sorry if this doesnt make any sense. i am still in the process of falling in love with life. if you fail at it this time, try again later. i love you
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How August Will Go For You | Pick A Pile
Hello and welcome to this Pick A Pile! In here you'll find out how August will go for you. I hope you guys enjoy and find this useful. Do make sure to leave comments down below on your experience! I do want to remind you all that this is a General Pick A Pile which means this is for a lot of people; therefore keep what resonates and leave what doesn't.
Masterlist > Questions
Pick A Pile!
Pile 1:
For you, August will be a month of new beginnings and exciting opportunities for you. As the sun rises on a fresh chapter of your life, you'll find yourself drawn to unexplored paths and uncharted territories. This is the time to take bold steps forward and embrace change with confidence and enthusiasm. Your curiosity and openness will lead you to discover new facets of yourself and unlock hidden potentials. Don't hesitate to pursue your passions and dreams, for this month holds the promise of personal growth and achievement.
However, be mindful of the challenges that may arise during this period. Change can bring its share of uncertainties and obstacles. Trust in your abilities to overcome any hurdles that come your way. Seek advice and support from trusted friends and mentors, for they will offer valuable insights and encouragement to guide you through rough patches.
Keep your focus on the bigger picture and stay positive. As you sow the seeds of your aspirations, remember that patience and perseverance are essential virtues. Rome wasn't built in a day, and your efforts will require time to flourish. Stay committed to your goals, and you'll witness the fruits of your labor.
Pile 2:
August is going to be a month of deep introspection and self-discovery for you. As the summer days begin to wane, you'll feel an innate desire to turn inward and reflect on your journey thus far. This period calls for you to pause and take a closer look at your values, beliefs, and the direction you've been heading.
Embrace this time of soul-searching with an open heart, as it holds the potential for profound healing and growth. Let go of any emotional baggage that has weighed you down, for now is the time to release old wounds and embrace forgiveness—both for yourself and others. This process of inner cleansing will pave the way for new opportunities and fresh perspectives.
August offers a chance to reconnect with your passions and reignite the fire within. Rediscover what truly brings you joy and fulfillment. This introspective journey may also lead you to realign your goals and set new intentions for the future.
Be patient and compassionate with yourself during this period of introspection. The insights you gain will shape your path ahead, so take the time to understand your emotions and aspirations fully. This deep self-awareness will empower you to make choices that align with your authentic self and propel you towards a more purposeful and fulfilling life.
Pile 3:
August will be a month of vibrant social connections and opportunities for expansion. The summer sun shines brightly on your social life, bringing with it a wave of interactions and gatherings. You'll find yourself drawn to various events, group activities, and networking opportunities.
Embrace these moments of social engagement with an open heart and an open mind. New friendships may blossom, and existing relationships will deepen as you strengthen your bonds with others. Collaboration and teamwork will be key themes during this period. Be receptive to ideas and contributions from those around you, for their insights may prove instrumental in your endeavors.
August offers a fertile ground for community involvement and making a positive impact. Engage in causes close to your heart, and you'll find fulfillment in contributing to the well-being of others. As you expand your network and connect with like-minded individuals, be open to exploring shared passions and projects.
However, amid all the social activities, remember to find moments of solitude and introspection. It's essential to strike a balance between your external interactions and inner well-being. Take time for self-care, reflection, and rejuvenation. These moments of quietude will recharge your energy and keep you grounded amidst the social whirlwind.
Embrace the richness of August's social landscape, and you'll discover that the connections you forge during this period can bring lasting benefits and set the stage for exciting opportunities in the future.
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