#and like. when i bought this game i Sucked at it. HOURS learning every boss. when i first beat thk (no voidheart) i was already at like | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

klysanderelias · 3 years ago

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tl;dr dark souls discourse drives me nuts because so many people seem to fundamentally misunderstand what game they're playing: this ain't dragon age or the witcher, this is honestly much closer to like, DDR. And yeah, the game devs keep making games that fail to communicate that, but also, demon souls came out like THIRTEEN YEARS AGO, it's beyond frustrating that the community is full of elitist assholes who can't or won't explain that concept

also, just play bloodborne. Bloodborne is still the single best soulsborne (i haven't played sekiro yet) game out there and does the best at actually teaching the concepts you need to enjoy the game.

I keep thinking about Margit and I went and looked at some of the articles about him and it's so wild the messaging about Elden ring right now. There's an article I think from polygon about how hard margit is, and how people have been struggling to fight him, and some of the responses had me dumbfounded.

Like. A +8 weapon? I'm not trying to shame Jenna stoeber, or ANYONE who's having trouble against him, but there's a difference between 'this is what I as a player did' and 'here's an article on the front page of Google of you search this boss'

I guess the disconnect for me is like... To a certain extent, this is part of the reason why people are afraid of dark souls, because people LOVE the narrative of like, oh my God only 2/3rds of the people who bought the game have beaten the first boss (which is wild because like, one, that's how video game purchases work, there's like 15% of the people who will never load up the game let alone get farther than an hour or two, and two, I'm 13 hours into the game and beaten like six bosses and I haven't beaten him yet, it's an open world game for chrissakes) because it makes the people who DID beat him feel like super special boys

I keep saying that the biggest problem with dark souls is that the community cannot and/or will not explain anything, and the git gud meme is just a shallow vision of the deeper toxicity of a community dedicated to sucking themselves off for getting 'elite gamers' and in order to reinforce that hierarchy you CAN'T help introduce people to your fun game (which is why if you ever bring up 'should dark souls have an easy mode' you're sure to start a huge fight with someone whose identity hinges on that not happening)

But also like, this isn't a game where you should WANT to beat a boss on the first try! That's not what the game is about! Forgive me for crawling up my own ass here for a second, but for me, part of the fun is learning the fight and getting into the flow, to the point that on a couple of these bosses, I've been legit disappointed when I beat them on the first try. Like, it's fun to beat a boss, but I see so many people get frustrated and cheese or bosses or just over level to the point that they can steamroll and I'm just like... Are you actually having fun? Is this enjoyment for you? Or are you just relieved it's over?

And genuinely the more I think about it, the fundamental misunderstanding is that people are approaching it like a traditional RPG experience where you're expected to basically win every fight, it's just a question of how rough it is. And I've seen a lot of stuff for elden ring that continues to run that exact same ideology! They say of COURSE margit is hard! that's because the game is trying to tell you to go somewhere else and level more before coming back and crushing him!

And I just have to shake my goddamn head and wonder what the fuck went wrong.

You don't pick up guitar hero, open up a song, and expect to get every note correct on the first try. You don't start DDR, step on the pad, and decide that clearly the game is too hard when you can't hit all the steps! And it's so frustrating to try and explain this to people like, yeah, I get it, you're dying a lot, and that's upsetting, especially because some of these bosses seem super overpowered or unfair, but I promise you that they're not. What people don't seem to understand (and again, is not ever explained to them) is that the point of dark souls is to fight the bosses. Not to BEAT the bosses, but to fight them. That's why every game ends with starting over. That's why people play them over and over again. Not because the story is so deep, or the choices so meaningful, or anything like that, but for the exact same reason you open up guitar hero once you've played every song.

And part of the reason why this polygon article drives me so nuts is because this is a major gaming website communicating a completely bonkers read of the game to the people trying their first souls game, and probably turning basically all of them off.

And like, I'll be the first to admit that the souls games are deeply flawed, kind of irritating, and have failed to actually improve on their failings despite huge amounts of money and attention, but also, I want people to be able to enjoy them!

And it's a conversation for a different time to talk about how dark souls should have an easy mode, or at least difficulty settings, but that's important too, because there's too many assholes who use these games as a core part of their identity because being 'good at dark souls' is some kind of badge they wear with misguided glee at the cost of ruining so many other people's play experiences.

Anyway not to plug my own shit again but I'm going to put the video of my final run against the Tree Sentinel here again, because I think it's a good way to illustrate what I'm talking about. When I fought this boss, I was at the base level, using the base gear, without using any cheese. It took probably two hours to figure out the flow of that fight. But like, you can see how I've learned the patterns to his attacks, learned the timings to dodge, and I end up getting through the fight without taking a single hit, and I can tell you I had a blast doing it. I could have taken a run or two, decided he was 'impossible at my level', and gone fucking around for a while before coming back and just brute forcing the fight with healing and massively upgraded weapons, and yeah, maybe that's more fun for some people! But I'll tell you, from personal experience, just because you're overleveled and overupgraded don't mean you're gonna win the fight.

https://youtu.be/eDdukfmknHc

I've literally watched a dude do a playthrough of DS1 close to 100 levels over where he should have been by the halfway mark and STILL struggle to beat bosses. The suggested level to beat the end of the game is 80.

Anyway, the point is, I'm just complaining because I have so many goddamn feelings about dark souls as a series, and I'm really enjoying Elden Ring right now but also I'm aware that not only am I the hyperspecific player type it's built for, but also I'm aware that it still dramatically fails most of the people who are going to pick it up over the hype, and that's very disappointing to me because I want to share my love of these games with people who aren't self-righteous pricks.

#dark souls #elden ring #look man I'm not out to assassinate anyone at polygon but I feel like they're doing us a disservice #and I get it! it sucks to lose over and over! but that's why the discourse needs to be about difficulty settings #because otherwise people are just like 'well if you do xyz strategy with these specific weapons #and often they completely misunderstand why they won and are merely setting everyone else up for failure #anyway here's my 3k word dissertation on why I'm the only one who truly understands dark souls

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demonfox38 · 3 years ago

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Competed(ish) - Monster Hunter Rise

In life, there are times Where you must slay other beasts To protect your own.

Haiku time, bitches.

So, "Monster Hunter" games. I've heard good things about them, but I've personally struggled to cut into them. I first experimented with the series back in the early 2010s with a copy of "Monster Hunter Tri" through my GameFly subscription. (It seems like they're still operational, which is quite surprising to me!) Long story short, I didn't have the time or patience to get into it through my rental period, so I bounced out of the series. Given a scratched track record, what helped me stick through "Monster Hunter Rise"? Was it just having the time to explore the games, or did this game latch onto some inner weeaboo hook?

Hey. Sometimes, it's just about making sure I make the most out of $65.00 USD.

"Monster Hunter Rise" is Capcom's 2021 release of its "Monster Hunter" series in which you…well. Hunt monsters. Pretty obvious, right? This game takes place in Kamura Village, an idyllic Japanese town known for its weapon forging and sweet shops. You, the newest village hunter/idiot, are charged with helping to defend the village from being overrun by monsters. That's it. Nothing deep. Just you, your yokels, and your various animals driving other animals away.

Look. I'm gonna be honest. This isn't a game you play for plot or deep characters. You're here to do the "Shadow of the Colossus" thing, but without the artsy veneer. And good luck doing that!

To say this game is abstruse is an understatement. I mean, it tries to teach you about your game loop and your weapon usage, but damned if I didn't have to spend an hour or two on YouTube just to get my bearings. There's a lot you have to manage. Your equipment. Your buddies. Their equipment. The needs of the people. Your stamina. Your health. Your maps. What monster's going where. What's it doing? Why's it doing that? How should I kill it? And that's just going solo! (No, I didn't do multiplayer. I was feeling cheap. Also, my modem and router were dying a slow death. That's been fun to fix over a holiday weekend…)

I did enjoy the game's attempt at making the game feel like a multiplayer title, even when I was playing alone. The inclusion of Palicoes (cats with human-equivalent intelligence) and Palamutes (knife-wielding dog mounts) is particularly helpful. Palamutes, while not as technical as Palicoes, did give me a break while traversing the terrain and provided some additional speed with item usage in battle. The right kind of Palico can save your ass. Personally, I was fondest of those with Healing and Gathering personality sets. I think Fighting types also have their uses, but I struggled to see the help that Assist or Bombing types provided. But, I'm sure every player has their favored type.

Outside of "Shadow of the Colossus," the other game I kept thinking of while playing was "Devil May Cry." Why? Well, they're produced by the same company, for one. But, for another? I expected a game with such a pedigree like "Monster Hunter" to feel a little more elegant and polished when I started it. Instead, I was lucky to understand battle pacing, never-the-less combos. "Devil May Cry" is a game series where I start feeling like a pro and end feeling like a pro, but with a few more tools under my belt. With "Monster Hunter Rise", I started feeling like a clod and ended without a drop of sweat on my brow. Such development can be frustrating, especially if you don't have the time or any real reason to commit to the game. But, there can be fun in figuring out, "Hey, I can do this!" or "Well, I can abuse this terrain/endemic life to gain an advantage."

Really, really could have used a better targeting system, though. Sometimes, it felt better not to use it at all.

While it did take me some time to feel like I was competent at anything in game, I think my first turning point was fighting Aknosom, a fire-spitting crane. I finally slowed down enough to learn its movements, guard against its attacks, then smack it around when it was done acting up. Additionally, it helped teach me about the importance of stopping to heal status effects, as well as how to kite around it to recover the most health possible while keeping engaged in battle. Groan it up, but it's certainly analogous to a "Dark Souls" experience. Easier, but similar.

Additionally, of the pre-credit matches, I enjoyed fighting Barioth, Khezu (who is still a songless fight, by the way!), Somnacanth, Bishaten, and Magnamalo (the pre-credit final boss.) While they all had their own status effects, I found it easy enough to avoid their more irksome attacks by being aggressive with rolling and keeping close and to their backs/sides. Also, I enjoyed using wirebugs to zip in and smack them on the face when they had finished their attacks. Those little goobers are great! Takes a hot minute to use them smoothly, but man, when you can, it makes punishing so much quicker.

The hunts I tended to avoid the most were those that had creatures with poisoning capabilities. Seriously, poison sucks in this game. Keep antidotes stapled to your ass at all times. I also had some difficulties with heavily plated dragons, but I suspect using a hammer would have mitigated that. Something to test another time, I suppose.

Also, I can't say I got too much into the Rampage side of this game. I mean, it's okay? It's a Tower Defense mode. Nothing too taxing. However, I didn't feel the need to grind for a different reward set. What I saw was just improvement stickers to slap on pre-existing equipment. It seems like the kind of thing that would have unique rewards associated with it, but I didn't see anything that compelled me to stick with it outside of a couple of experimental battles. I'm sure it will eventually offer something unique. Just didn't need it.

I think the best I can do with this evaluation is help you get a step into the game, should you want to play it. And really, it's mostly about the play. If you're looking for a novel story, unique characters, decent voice acting, or the next video game soundtrack to get stuck in your head, this isn't really the game for you. (Although, "Cold Blues and Flaming Reds" is a banger!) It's really just about fighting cool monsters and attempting to be cool while doing it.

So, here! First, take my hunting prep loop:

Gather items earned from quests/subquests from the previous hunt.

The quest maiden in the town (Hinoa; shrine maiden sitting around and eating dango) gives you single player quests. Her sister in the hub (Minoto) gives group assignments.

Manufacture new weapons and/or armor for your character.

You'll be looking for an old, grumpy dude who's hunched over (Hamon).

Most of the stuff you can get for weapon creation will get dropped for you somewhere between 1-5 kills of that monster's set. At least, that was what it felt like for me. Khezu equipment took the longest to get, but I think I just had some bad luck there.

Try to use the tree page as much as possible to determine what you'd like and what you need to make. This helped me visualize when I needed to recreate a weapon to get something new through a unique branch. Icons with arrows over them can be reversed to a previous state. Icons with a treasure box on them indicates that you've got this particular weapon in storage.

You can make upgrades to armor and weapons as well, if you'd like! I didn't find it necessary, but some people may want to beef up their stats.

Manufacture Palico/Palamute weapons and armor from scrap and/or unneeded materials.

This'll be the kitty to Hamon's right (your left, if you're facing Hamon.)

You can trade for scraps in the event that you have some piece of a monster that you don't anticipate on using. But really, really make sure you don't need an item before you scrap it. I learned that the hard way regarding Electro Sac scrapping.

Hire at least 1 new Palico or Palamute until a total of 15 is reached. (It'll help you with a subquest later on.)

You'll do this from the Buddy Plaza, which is in the exit opposite of the hub area. Find the kid in the forest playing with a puppy (Iori).

I personally had 2 of each Palico personality type, but you can pick whatever you'd like. Really, really get some healers, though!

Check Palico/Palamute training progress.

It'll be another Palico by Iori (without a hood).

Check Meowcenary progress.

I can't say I really needed the items from this, but it did help me make some unique pet armor!

This will be the Palico in the blue robes and hood by Iori. You won't see him for a bit, though.

If possible, reassign lowest-leveled companions to training duty, then highest to Meowcenary tasks.

Don't interrupt the Meowcenary tasks, at the very least.

If it's been 5+ hunts since you last checked, climb up a tree in the Buddy Plaza to check the Cahoot's nest. If there's two golden eggs, take them.

Create, purchase, and restock items.

Honestly, I only bought trap-making materials from the shop (umbrella dude with a seal taped to his face by the name of Kagero.)

Pet/feed the Cahoot.

Okay, this is optional, and the rewards it triggers can be a pain in the ass to bag. But, pet the owl anyway, idiot.

You can call your owl by dicking around with your D pad.

Accept your quest of choice and subquests from one of the quest maidens.

Cook Motley Mix.

You can do this in the multiplayer hub or in Kamura proper, but I just go to the Kamura proper location. You're looking for a green-clothed gal (Yomogi.) Sit at her counter to her left.

You can cook on the battlefield, but you might as well have the dango lady/Palicoes make your food for you. You can get bonus tickets to improve your Bunny Dango's stats this way!

Eat Bunny Dango.

There are multiple pages of dango you can buy, so don't feel like you need to stick on the first page.

If you see a dango about training your buddies, get that! Might as well help your dudes out, right?

Also—I know the dango lady rants about my character just eating meat and fish, but really. Dango's not healthy. There really should have been some sort of alternative customizable foodstuff for this. Like, I dunno. Sushi?

Depart.

As for control tips:

Don't rush your inputs. Flailing around will leave you open to getting batted across a field.

Try a lance as soon as the game will let you. I recommend this weapon for newbies because its combo system is simple. It's X X X for low attacks, A A A for upper attacks, and R to guard. Learn to target certain body parts using this, and you can handle pretty much any other weapon afterwards. I wouldn't stick to it forever, but it's good for grounding yourself.

Cut off tails; bash in heads. I can especially recommend using great swords for the tail chopping. It'll give you something additional to harvest!

Use items on your Palamute to gain mobility while vulnerable. This is particularly helpful with sharpening your sword or healing up! Press A when you're near your dog to get on it. Press B to dismount.

Rations/steaks heal stamina. Stamina helps you move and attack quickly. It's the yellow bar. Under the green bar. Which is your health. I hope you saw that one, at the very least.

You can auto-craft some items. Absolutely set this up for potions and antidotes. You want that shit ready to go as soon as you touch its base items.

Sheathing your weapon is Y. Using your selected item is also Y. Make sure you know what state you're in when you hit Y (i.e., weapon in or out.)

To select your items: Hold L, then tap Y or A to scroll left or right through the item wheel. Release L on the item you want. Tap Y to use it. This seriously was a pain in the ass for me to learn, so I'm putting it down here. (You can use the L + a control stick to use an item, but I always ended up using stuff accidentally that way.)

Use wirebugs to zip in and hit monsters. It's a bit putzy to do (ZL + ZR while your weapon is sheathed, then X to hit the monster.) But, nailing this will help you lower their defenses against being ridden and get in a good combo starter.

Hold the minus button to warp. There's no penalty for doing this, so get yourself back to your base and restock. You can't do this while you're in active combat, however.

Your time remaining is the clock in the upper-left corner. Try to keep your monster kills in under 15 minutes. You can usually bag three monsters in a go, but it's up to you whether or not the fight is worth it.

Put some time in the Training Arena. It's past the Buddy Plaza, which is the exit past the armor shop. It's a free place to practice comboing, so take your time here to figure out how you'd like to move going forward.

Honestly, you may want to wait a few months for this game's price to drop down and for updates to settle. It's a hot property as of writing this very second (Memorial Day weekend of 2021), but with that heat comes a financial cost. If you've got a buddy who's really biting to play, then go for it. If you're a people person, you might really like the multiplayer! Otherwise, it may be difficult to feel like you're getting the most out of this game.

However, the value of this game really can't be captured in video or audio, as much as I relied on videos to get into it. It's not an Hour One enjoyment, either. It's more about hitting Hour Twenty and finding out that you've become this brutal, beautiful acrobat, despite everything standing in your way. But, "Devil May Cry" takes less work, and "Shadow of the Colossus" scratches that arty itch more, so take the pride I have in my progress with a grain of salt.

Also, I very much hurt myself playing "Devil May Cry 3" and "Shadow of the Colossus." (Don't force yourself to fight bosses for and hour and a half straight, kids.) At least I didn't hurt myself playing "Monster Hunter Rise!" Just battered my dignity for a bit.

#post game evaluation #monster hunter rise

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arcticdementor · 4 years ago

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Media Twitter does not hate Substack because it’s pretending to be a platform when it’s a publisher; they don’t hate it because it’s filled with anti-woke white guys; they don’t hate it because of harassment or any such thing. I don’t think they really hate it at all. Substack is a small and ultimately not-very-relevant outpost in a vastly larger industry; they may not like it but it’s not important enough for them to hate it. What do they hate? They hate where their industry is and they hate where they are within their industry. But that’s a big problem that they don’t feel like they can solve. If you feel you can’t get mad at the industry that’s impoverishing you, it’s much easier to get mad at the people who you feel are unjustly succeeding in that industry. Trying to cancel Glenn Greenwald (again) because he criticizes the media harshly? Trying to tarnish Substack’s reputation so that cool, paid-up writer types leave it and the bad types like me get kicked off? That they can maybe do. Confronting their industry’s future with open eyes? Too scary, especially for people who were raised to see success as their birthright and have suddenly found that their degrees and their witheringly dry one-liners do not help them when the rent comes due.

…

Life in the “content” industry already sucks. A small handful of people make bank while the vast majority hustle relentlessly just to hold on to the meager pay they already receive. There are staff writers at big-name publications who produce thousands of words every week and who make less than $40,000 a year for their trouble. There are permanent employees of highly prestigious newspapers and magazines who don’t receive health insurance. Venues close all the time. Mourning another huge round of layoffs is a regular bonding experience for people in the industry. Writers have to constantly job hop just to try and grind out an extra $1,500 a year, making their whole lives permanent job interviews where they can’t risk offending their potential bosses and peers. Many of them dream of selling that book to save themselves financially, not seeming to understand that book advances have fallen 40% in 10 years - median figure now $6,080 - and that the odds of actually making back even that meager advance are slim, meaning most authors are making less than minimum wage from their books when you do the math. They have to tweet constantly for the good of their careers, or so they believe, which amounts to hundreds of hours of unpaid work a year. Their publications increasingly strong arm them into churning out pathetic pop-culture ephemera like listicles about the outfits on Wandavision. They live in fear of being the one to lose out when the next layoffs come and the game of media musical chairs spins up once again. They have to pretend to like ghouls like Ezra Klein and Jonah Peretti and make believe that there’s such a thing as “the Daily Beast reputation for excellence.”

I have always felt bad for them, despite our differences, because of these conditions. And they have a right to be angry. But they don’t have much in the way of self-awareness about where their anger really lies. A newsletter company hosting Bari Weiss is why you can’t pay your student loans? You sure?

They’ll tell you about the terrible conditions in their industry themselves, when they’re feeling honest. So what are they really mad about? That I’m making a really-just-decent guaranteed wage for just one year? Or that this decent wage is the kind of money many of them dream of making despite the fact that, in their minds, they’ve done everything right and played by all the rules? Is their anger really about a half-dozen guys whose writing you have to actively seek out to see? (If you click the button and put in your email address, you’ll get these newsletters. If you don’t, you won’t. So if you’re a media type who hates my writing, consider just… not clicking that button.) Or do they need someplace to put the rage and resentment that grows inside them as they realize, no, it’s not getting better, this is all I get?

It’s true that I have, in a very limited way, achieved the new American dream: getting a little bit of VC cash. I’m sorry. But it’s much much less than one half of what Felix Salmon was making in 2017 and again, it’s only for one year.

You think the writers complaining in that piece I linked to at the top wanted to be here, at this place in their career, after all those years of hustling? You think decades into their media career, the writers who decamped to Substack said to themselves “you know, I’d really like to be in my 40s and having to hope that enough people will pitch in $5 a month so I can pay my mortgage”? No. But the industry didn’t give them what they felt they deserved either. So they displace and project. They can hate Jesse Singal, but Jesse Singal isn’t where this burning anger is coming from. Neither am I. They’re so angry because they bought into a notoriously savage industry at the nadir of its labor conditions and were surprised to find that they’re drifting into middle age without anything resembling financial security. I feel for them as I feel for all people living economically precarious lives, but getting rid of Substack or any of its writers will not do anything to fix their industry or their jobs. They wanted more and they got less and it hurts. This isn’t what they dreamed. That’s what this is really about.

…

My own deal here is not mysterious. It’s just based on a fact that the blue checks on Twitter have never wanted to accept. I got offered money to write here for the same reason I got offered to write for The New York Times and Harper’s and The Washington Post and The LA Times, the same reason I’ve gotten a half-dozen invitations to pitch since I started here a few weeks ago, the same reason a literary agent sought me out and asked me to write a book, the same reason I sold that book for a decent advance: because I pull traffic. Though I am a social outcast from professional opinion writing, I have a better freelance publishing history than many, many of my critics who are paid-up, obedient members of the media social scene. Why? Because the editors who hired me thought I was a great guy? No. Because I pull traffic. I always have. That’s why you’re reading this on Substack right now.

…

A really important lesson to learn, in life, is this: your enemies are more honest about you than your friends ever will be. I’ve been telling the blue checks for over a decade that their industry was existentially fucked, that the all-advertising model was broken, that Google and Facebook would inevitably hoover up all the profit, that there are too many affluent kids fresh out of college just looking for a foothold in New York who’ll work for next to nothing and in doing so driving down the wages of everyone else, that their mockery of early subscription programs like Times Select was creating a disastrous industry expectation that asking your readers directly for money was embarrassing. Trump is gone and the news business is cratering. Michael Tracey didn’t make that happen. None of this anger will heal what’s wrong. If you get all of the people you don’t like fired from Substack tomorrow, what will change? How will your life improve? Greenwald will spend more time with his hottie husband and his beloved kids and his 6,000 dogs in his beautiful home in Rio. Glenn will be fine. How do we do the real work of getting you job security and a decent wage?

…

But how do things get better in that way? Only through real self-criticism (which Twitter makes impossible) and by asking hard questions. Questions like one that has not been credibly confronted a single time in this entire media meltdown: why are so many people subscribing to Substacks? What is the traditional media not providing that they’re seeking elsewhere? Why have half a million people signed up as paying subscribers of various Substack newsletters, if the establishment media is providing the diversity of viewpoints that is an absolute market requirement in a country with a vast diversity of opinions? You can try to make an adult determination about that question, to better understand what media is missing, or you can read this and write some shitty joke tweet while your industry burns to the ground around you. It’s your call.

Substack might fold tomorrow, but someone would else sell independent media; there’s a market. Substack might kick me and the rest of the unclean off of their platforms tomorrow, but other critics of social justice politics would pop up here; there’s a market. Establishment media’s takeover by this strange brand of academic identity politics might grow even more powerful, if that��s even possible, but dissenters will find a place to sell alternative opinion; there’s a market. What there might not be much of a market for anymore is, well, you - college educated, urban, upwardly striving if not economically improving, woke, ironic, and selling that wokeness and that irony as your only product. Because you flooded the market. Everyone in your entire industry is selling the exact same thing, tired sarcastic jokes and bleating righteousness about injustices they don’t suffer under themselves, and it’s not good in basic economic terms if you’re selling the same thing as everyone else. You add that on to structural problems within your business model and your utter subservience to a Silicon Valley that increasingly hates you, well…. I get why you’re mad. And I get that you don’t like me. But I’m not what you’re mad about. Not really.

In the span of a decade or so, essentially all professional media not explicitly branded as conservative has been taken over by a school of politics that emerged from humanities departments at elite universities and began colonizing the college educated through social media. Those politics are obscure, they are confusing, they are socially and culturally extreme, they are expressed in a bizarre vocabulary, they are deeply alienating to many, and they are very unpopular by any definition. The vast majority of the country is not woke, including the vast majority of women and people of color. How could it possibly be healthy for the entire media industry to be captured by any single niche political movement, let alone one that nobody likes? Why does no one in media seem willing to have an honest, uncomfortable conversation about the near-total takeover of their industry by a fringe ideology?

And the bizarre assumption of almost everyone in media seems to have been that they could adopt this brand of extreme niche politics, in mass, as an industry, and treat those politics as a crusade that trumps every other journalistic value, with no professional or economic consequences. They seem to have thought that Americans were just going to swallow it; they seem to have thought they could paint most of the country as vicious bigots and that their audiences would just come along for the ride. They haven’t. In fact Republicans are making great hay of the collapse of the media into pure unapologetic advocacy journalism. Some people are turning to alternative media to find options that are neither reactionary ideologues or self-righteous woke yelling. Can you blame them? Substack didn’t create this dynamic, and neither did I. The exact same media people who are so angry about Substack did, when they abandoned any pretense to serving the entire country and decided that their only job was to advance a political cause that most ordinary people, of any gender or race, find alienating and wrong. So maybe try and look at where your problems actually come from. They’re not going away.

Now steel yourselves, media people, take a shot of something strong, look yourself in the eye in the mirror, summon you most honest self, and tell me: am I wrong?

#freddie deboer #substack #journalism

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joshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh · 4 years ago

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I beat Xenoblade 2 and Torna recently, let’s talk about them.

Tiny bit of context first, my first Xenoblade game was X in like, 2016 or something, and I really loved that one! I bought 2 in like 2018, played it for an hour, and was so physically sick that I couldn’t continue, but then I never really returned to it for whatever reason. Recently played through Xenoblade 1 Definitive Edition since I got that day 1, I loved it a lot, and after beating it is when I decided I should go back and give 2 another shot.

So at first, I wasn’t really feeling 2. Combat just felt insanely slow, it takes way too many auto attacks early on to build up your arts, the arts themselves do so little damage that they barely matter, and the main reason you’re using them then is to build up specials, which also do basically no fucking damage! You also can’t move without interrupting auto attacks, and you move at a fucking snail’s pace if you do chose to move, and boy does being punished for moving at all suck ass. Especially since the first character you play is Rex with the Aegis swords and they have positional arts – have fun taking advantage of those in a combat system that doesn’t want you to move.

So the combat just started out painfully slow, which was especially annoying since actually avoiding combat felt basically impossible. There are no aggro indicators on enemies outside of battle so the only way to know if you’ll be attacked is to fucking guess, and once you’re in combat and you’ve taken like 3 full minutes to get close to killing this wolf, well wouldn’t you know, about every enemy in the game can call for reinforcements and just force you to keep fighting them as well. Single encounters with normal enemies could go on for 10+ minutes and what made it all worse is that even if I wanted to skip combat, the early bosses in the game are so fucking difficult anyway that you’d just end up underleveled and getting fucking murdered.

And what’s really annoying is that there are actually ways to get good at this combat and speed it up really dramatically, but the game does such a horrible job at really explaining these in a meaningful way. The game is loaded with tutorials early on but they never really feel like they’re providing you with sufficient information to actually understand the combat. Instead they’ll just like, shove orbs on your enemy and fill your party gauge and tell you to chain attack. Or give you a level 4 special. Or give you Pneuma for free with infinite duration for a single fight in a way that doesn’t meaningfully let you learn how and when to use her. So often the tutorials give you the outcome of what you’re supposed to do in combat, but you don’t actually get the step-by-step of how to get there. It just felt really frustrating playing this combat system that didn’t give me a clear idea of how to be good at it, and when you’re not good at it, it’s slow and boring and made me constantly want to play anything else.

But then here’s the thing. There was a point for me where I finally understood the combat, where it all clicked for me, and when that happened, I loved it. A lot. The full driver combo is so satisfying to pull off, getting a full blade combo in is a similarly great feeling, and when you get fusion combos especially it’s just fuckin, it feels so good! As you develop the skill and affinity trees of driver and blade respectively, and as you actually invest wp in your weapons so as to not have unbelievable cooldowns, and when you take all of that and finally drop that chain attack and fucking obliterate the enemy who’s now stacked with orbs, it feels great! There’s actually a really amazing flow to the combat and I don’t think it’d be wrong to call it a combat system with more depth than that of the first game, even if I preferred how that game’s ystem actually felt consistently fast and fun and well communicated to the player for the entire game. But this system still turned out to be really great!

So I mean in the end I just, loved the combat a lot.

And then as for the story, it was kinda in the same position as the combat for me, where at first I didn’t really like much about it but there was a certain point where it sorta just clicked for me. I have a harder time pinning down just where it clicked, I loved everything to do with Vandham’s character and the impact he has on Rex in the brief time we get to know him. But then afterwards it took another good while for me to really care. Maybe it was around when best girl Morag joined the party? I’m not really sure, all I can say is that there was a point where it picked up for me and I started to care about these characters and feel invested in their journey.

Since I already compared the combat to 1 I may as well do the same with the story, so one thing I appreciated about this game was the comparative simplicity of this story. 1 is telling like, 3 different narratives at once, and it does a great job at those, the hidden narratives that lead up to the Zanza reveal in Mechonis Core are well foreshadowed and stuff, but it’s all still quite a lot to take in. Meanwhile, 2 establishes the goal of the main character basically instantly, establishes the villain shortly after, and then the game ends with us beating that villain and achieving that goal in a roundabout way. There’s stuff inbetween of course, but I do think it was a good change of pace from 1. Not to say either is better though, they’re both different stories told in different ways and I liked both of them.

Another thing I appreciated about this game over 1 is that I think this game sort of like, felt more careful with who it had in the main party, and more importantly, why. So like in 1, Shulk, Reyn, Fiora, and Dunban are all in the party for the same reasons, and then Sharla also joins for those reasons too but she’s from a different part of Bionis. Melia joins for reasons that tie into her story and character arc and stuff and she’s great, and then Riki just sorta gets thrusted on the party and is along for the ride I guess. They’re a great unit of 7, but they don’t really feel evenly developed and with most of them having about the same backstory plus one of them just being there for the hell of it, I guess it doesn’t feel as carefully picked?

Meanwhile in 2, Rex is just any Leftherian salvager which works out well for what’s needed of him at the start of the game, like it’s a coming of age story for basically a nobody, that’s all fair enough. Nia’s with us because the villains picked her up for the same reasons that they picked up some of their other members, but she disagrees with them so she sticks with Rex, falls in love with him, all that stuff. Tora gets to join up because he admires these specific drivers and wants to help them and prove himself, in the process growing to admire Rex especially, plus his joining happens early enough in the narrative to not feel thrust on us as awkward comic relief or anything, he’s just there. And then Morag and Zeke get to join as the adults of the group, two who were inspired by the youth yet sought to protect them as well, their different backstories playing into the exact specifics of their joining. It’s a slightly smaller group but they feel more carefully selected and I felt like they had more diverse motives and personalities as characters. I don’t think they feel as tight-knit a group, perhaps because the game beats you over the head with the friendship message less than the first one did, or because the heart-to-hearts included random blades as well, but like, they were a solid group of pretty solid characters that helped carry a pretty solid story.

Oh yeah, random blades.

If you’re reading this far, you already know that Xenoblade 2 has a gacha system, I don’t really need to introduce it to anyone, but god did it fucking suck. Core crystals are frequent enough drops, rare ones eventually become fairly common too, and legendaries are elusive as fuck. I never once felt like they had different odds. I’ve only ever gotten a single rare blade from a legendary core crystal in 130 hours of playtime, and that included new game plus by the way, as well as the DLC which gives you 25 legendary core crystals for absolutely fucking free. There are so many reasons to want as many rare blades as possible, be it merc missions, blade quests, actually fucking customising your characters, passing field checks, et fucking cetera. And yet you can be locked out of doing so much of it because hey you didn’t get a good pull in the gacha, better luck next time fucko! It completely sucks how much of the game is locked behind literal luck of the draw bullshit, and the field skills are the absolute worst for this – you can be barred from making progress entirely because your gacha luck was subpar. I detested this. And speaking of field skills, I hated those as well, it’s so arbitrary what skills are needed to do what tasks and they’re all just nonsensical bullshit that forces you to grind. Never mind that the only way to know if you’ll pass a skill check is to just try, and then sit out the cutscene that takes too long even if you mash, and then if you fail, you have to do the entire thing again whenever you actually can pass it. And it’s so fucking obnoxious sitting through all the menu-ing and then returning to your default configuration afterwards. Also the menus are annoyingly slow and difficult to navigate and occasionally even laggy? And then hey if you get a blade on a driver you don’t think needs that blade, well overdrive protocols are limited as fuck until new game plus so have fun with that one, cunt! Also, we’re never going to tell you not to bond blades with Rex, but if you do it’s a waste since he’ll get to steal blades anyway, so there’s 0 reason to bond blades to him. That was just fuckin frustrating dude.

Yeah so my point is that due to a whole load of shit, everything to do with the blade gacha and all of the gameplay applications of the blades outside of combat anyway sucked ass and felt limiting as fuck and I think it dramatically drags down the game.

And then uh, another talking point in the game is the visuals. To just start with environments since those are easy to talk about – every area is so huge and vibrant, bustling with life. The only time the colours don’t pop out is in like the Land of Morytha and other areas that are supposed to not look all colourful and happy. But in general every environment feels fully realised and gorgeous to look at, the lighting and weather effects doings o much to contribute to that as well. Environments just looked wonderful is the point.

As for characters, compared to Xenoblade 1, this game is very anime with its art direction. And I didn’t mind that whatsoever, I honestly thought it looked really great for the most part. Mouths could look a bit off when viewed from above and I think lots of the head motions looked pretty stiff at times, also when that anime art direction extended into cutscene direction and tropes and we get a scene of Rex waking up staring at Mythra’s tits, yeah that sucked, but I mean game mostly looked really nice character wise. Like with the environments, everything just pops, and they all get to be nice and expressive and it’s all quite fun to look at. Another issue entirely though is the actual character designs. I loved Morag’s design loads, best girl and all. And that’s about it. I wouldn’t really call most of the rest of the designs bad, but there aren’t any outside of Morag that I can say with any confidence that I like all that much. I do like some of them still – Jin, Malos and Zeke all look pretty good, even if the latter’s design does nothing to sell who his character actually is. Also Poppi Alpha is nice. But past them I think most of the designs are just, meh, or occasionally (read: every rare blade) bad. I was never really bothered by much of the sexualisation, I don’t think too many of the designs ended up looking really dumb just so they could be sexy, and in the case of like Blade Nia they were hot enough to be fun to look at, but I mean, I can find a design sexy and think the design looks bad, and most of the designs I didn’t even find sexy. So you know.

Anyway uh, I feel like that’s about everything for Xenoblade 2. It’s a really good game that I really enjoyed, but like, it took about 30 hours for me to have fun whatsoever, and then another 20 on top of that to where I was having fun consistently. No amount of “it gets good after 50 hours!” can make up for those 50 hours sucking, and I can’t really confidently tell anyone to sit through 50 crap hours of their own free will. Similarly, no amount of “the combat’s actually fast when you get good at it” can make up for the fact that if you’re not good at it, which is likely the case since the game’s shit at teaching you, then the combat’s gonna suck for a while, looking at you, Enel. So I think with that in mind, Xenoblade 2 is a game I can say I love, but there’s a big fat asterisk besides that love that says “I’ll never get back and cannot ignore those horrible first 50 hours”. It’s a tough game to love, you know?

Anyway, we’re not actually done, because like I said about 2500 words ago, I beat Torna as well. So let’s talk about that one too.

Narratively, I have basically no complains about Torna. I think it has generally better designs than the main game and does more in a shorter time to make you care about the characters and the narrative. And I also love that from having played the main game, I know how Torna ends, and fuck me does that hurt. Torna can honestly be genuinely hard to sit through at times, not in the main game way of bad gameplay for a while, but in the emotional way of “everything I’m doing is for nought”. And what hurts even more about that is that I did every sidequest in Torna (not because it was required for story progression [which I think is dumb as fuck] but because I wanted to) and most of the sidequests in Torna are generally pretty solid, it’s satisfying building up this community and most of the quests end up linking together in really satisfying ways, Lora starts really feeling like a proper knight, this hero of the people that you really fall in love with. And it just leads to the inevitable ending feeling all the more tragic. Also I can’t speak from the perspective of someone who played Torna before the full game since uh, I didn’t, but even if you don’t know in advance that Torna’s gonna be destroyed then I think the game does some Chekhov’s gun with Mythra really nicely. It was just cool. I think in terms of narrative, Torna compliments the base game really well just by letting you truly feel the extent of the destruction and just how dramatically it all warps Jin in the base game, plus contextualises the rest of the Torna group and Lora and Haze and shit.

And then gameplay wise, Torna felt fucking great. I do think having played the base game first helped me a fair lot early on, no point denying that, but Torna also felt like it got way quicker about actually teaching you its mechanics and giving you more speed and freedom with them. Vanguard and blade switches let you take care of art cooldowns really quickly, I mostly played as Lora and her talent art + art cancelling (which Morag doesn’t get in the base game, rip) plus the aforementioned blade switch just meant building up specials is something that felt almost free, and with blade combos now letting you just do fucking, anything into everything, it’s a combat system that feels dramatically faster way earlier on, one that’s just really simple and plain fun to do. And controlling blades is also just great, because so many of the cutscenes in the base game had the blades use their weapons and shit and it felt so restrictive how you could only even really “use” them for specials. Torna’s combat is just a lot easier to pick up and play than the base game’s, so even if it lacks some of the depth it’s still fun as fuck.

And then that’s probably all I really have to say about Torna as well. It’s a great addition to the main game, the main game’s a great compliment to it, and Torna’s also short and sweet enough, plus I think you surely level faster, to where you can knock it out at like a comfortable level 60 or something in like 20 hours and that’s a great feeling. Oh I didn’t like Hugo by the way. Yeah, that’s Torna.

I guess the only other thing to really talk about is all the sound stuff for both games. The music for both of them is fucking brilliant, end of statement. Rivals and occasionally surpasses 1. I love X’s soundtrack and will die on that hill, and it rivals that one as well. As for voice acting, well, I think every important character is really well cast and when they act well, they sound great. But the voice direction is often really bad and leads to shit like Rex’s fucking car engine screams and yeah those suck. I do sincerely think that’s on the voice direction instead of the actors though so I mean, cool.

I did contemplate JP voices but I want to understand the several instances of unsubbed dialogue and remain consistent with how I played the other Xenoblade games so English was good enough. I’ve also since heard Morag’s Japanese voice and holy fuck I’m glad I stuck to English lol. That being said so many of the characters in this game are voiced by seiyuu I like and fuck did it hurt to read those names and know I wasn’t getting to listen to them lol. Especially with Torna, cause like, if Aoi Yuuki is voicing a rare blade I’m never going to use, that’s one thing, but fucking Tornan Knight and protagonist Lora is voiced by Saori Hayami and I would’ve loved to listen to her. Oh well.

Anyway yeah that’s Xenoblade 2. Cool.

#xenoblade #josh reviews #29.7.20

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thegayfromrulid · 5 years ago

Note

Frkm 1 allll the way to 99. Also, the next SAO game eugeo lives as a sword and not die (thank GOD)

@2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

Chocolate bars- I will not eat lollipops.

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

Cotton candy! I actually get super bad headaches from bubblegum.

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Probably lonely genius...

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

Soda bottles!! I feel so fancy!! And old-timey.

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

I guess tomboy even though I’m a boy??

7. earbuds or headphones?

Aren’t these the same thing? I think I prefer over-ear headphones, but I don’t really like either.

8. movies or tv shows?

Depends on the genre I guess. But as a main rule, live action- movies, animated- TV shows.

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Potato salad.

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

Frankly, I wasn’t good, but I was really good at pissing all the jocks off-

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

I make myself these homemade egg mcmuffins. I enjoy them a lot. I am very picky about breakfast.

12. name of your favorite playlist?

I only have one and it’s very generic: The Gay From Rulid’s Playlist. Yes it’s on Spotify. Yes, it’s 99% anime openings and endings and maybe Bet On It from HSM2. Be ashamed of me. Go on.

13. lanyard or key ring?

Lanyard! Mine is a BNHA one I bought from an artist at Nekocon!

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

Either Sweet Tarts or Nerds.

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

I usually have one leg tucked up under me and the other stretched out.

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

A black and white pair of Skechers. They look like shit. They almost never are replaced by another shoe. Not even in the gross muggy heat.

18. ideal weather?

When it’s just warm enough to wear a t-shirt and sit in the sunshine, but cool enough that I’m not hot, and a little breeze is going. I think of this weather quite often.

19. sleeping position?

On my belly kinda spread out like a shounen protagonist.

21. obsession from childhood?

J.R.R. Tolkien. Have always been obsessed with him and his works.

22. role model?

Redundant, but Tolkien again. Linguist and writer. Living my dream.

23. strange habits?

I unplug things like microwaves, lamps, and TVs when I am done using them. Very little remains plugged in at my place. The modem, the fridge, and the clock. That is it.

24. favorite crystal?

Amethyst. It’s my sister’s middle name. And I especially like the purple ones.

25. first song you remember hearing?

Blue by Eiffel 65. I don’t know why that song sticks out so much in my memory but it’s nostalgic for me. Tiny AJ hyperfixated on this song before anything else ya’ll.

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Curl up in the sun on a blanket and nap.

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

Hot cocoa blanket cuddles.

28. five songs to describe you?

Uhhhh...I’m not very musically literate. Let’s go with Born This Way (the first person I came out to sent me that song so it feels special!), I’m Free to Be Me by Jamie Grace, Praying by Kesha, Shake It Off by Taylor Swift ( @delicateeuphorias would you believe it xD), and right now thinking about someone dear to me who’s been gone See You Again is stuck in my brain.

30. places that you find sacred?

Arboretums or big botanical gardens where I can get lost in the plants for a moment and take in how pretty they all are. And old monuments/big things people of the past built. A lot of things were built by people with no rights/freedom and I think about them and how despite the fact that they had nothing, they made such a lasting impact on our world.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

*slips on my Owari no Seraph cosplay* I will kick ass in this sweet ass cape-

33. most used phrase in your phone?

My phone seems to think it’s “Kirito’s ass” and I want it to not think that.

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

O-O-O-O’REILLYYYYYYYYYY’S...Autooo PARTS.

35. average time you fall asleep?

I’m an insomniac it could be 10 pm it could be 3 am who knows I sleep for an hour I’m up again...

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

Fucking CAN I HAS CHEEZBURGR cats.

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

This all boils down to how much I’m packing. Going for a sleepover? Duffel. Going to con? My giant suitcase with room for all the bells and whistles of cosplay.

38. lemonade or tea?

Tea!

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Oh cruel I looooove lemon. The pie!

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

In high school here- so, aside from me being the resident weirdo (I DID come to school dressed as the TARDIS), my senior class decided to squirt hundreds of bottles of chocolate syrup on the sidewalks. We were an open campus so it’s all in front of our classroom doors- we had no hallways. And then they. They fucking EGGED ALL THE DOORS. The whole campus smelled like...ick.

41. last person you texted?

My father and mother in a group text to cry about customers treating me poorly.

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

I prefer the jacket pockets because I still haven’t found a way to get men’s pants under the radar of my ever-watchful parents and women’s jeans pockets are SHITTY. Women gotta boycott this shit it is UNACCEPTABLE-

44. favorite scent for soap?

Peppermint...peppermint ^-^ I like to smell like...mint.

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Fantasy!

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

Recently I was reminded I live alone and my new favorite sleeping outfit...is...just some boxer shorts. Suck it dysphoria. Manly nightwear.

47. favorite type of cheese?

Pepper jack, Swiss, or ricotta.

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

Strawberry :3

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

I’m gonna sound so gay but when @disasterbikirito started laughing about a certain GIF and his laugh was so infectious I couldn’t help but laugh too.

51. current stresses?

Are you shitting me it’s everything. Every. Single. Thing. I cannot breathe. I am having meltdowns. Someone fucking save me I cannot deal with COVID well.

52. favorite font?

Garamond for writing in my free time, Doulous SIL for all the linguistics IPA symbols my greedy heart desires.

53. what is the current state of your hands?

Smooth but my fingertips have been gnawed on. I am stressed, okay?

54. what did you learn from your first job?

Gosh, lots of things. But the most important takeaway is that a good boss will genuinely care about you. I miss that man. He was so wonderful and so caring and taught me so much about theater. Technical things and artistic things and historical things. Sometimes I wish I could have made a career out of working under him.

55. favorite fairy tale?

Beauty and the Beast (AH...AH...I SEE YOU ROLLING YOUR EYES BECAUSE I’M TRANS. I KNOW. I *KNOW*.)

56. favorite tradition?

It’s a family tradition kinda unique to my household. Each year, we draw a name from a hat, and that name comes with a lot of words that describe us and what we liked over that year. We then each take a $20 bill and we go to a little hobby shop with cheap things in it and use that $20 bill to fill a Christmas stocking. We then hang them back up and empty the stocking full of candies and random silly things and have a good laugh and guess who filled whose stocking.

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

The first one is coming to terms with knowing my dad has a severe illness. It really shook my family up, and it’s terrifying us right now with everything going on, but after a while, I learned that he was smiling, so I could smile, too.

The second one is my mother coming back from her tour in the Middle East on top of the murder of my godmother. Two very stressful things happened at once. My mother got very violent from her PTSD and her best friend died in a horrible way. It was an adjustment for everyone, and it kind of ripped my family to pieces. I can say, though, that my parents are still married and are getting better, and my sister and I are coming back to the family to be more open and healthy.

The third, and maybe some of my followers are aware, was getting rid of my ex-fiance. He was a man who sexually assaulted me repeatedly and I won’t go into details beyond that. It took me 5 years to get rid of him and accept what happened, but I am a much happier person now and while I work through the trauma that caused me, I have the most wonderful partner by my side and if you had told me back then I’d find someone as kind and patient and loving as him, I would have laughed and thought you were insane.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

Probably what I put on all my fanfic updates: “I know. I’m an asshole.”

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

Some kind of shoujo romance but it’s bi also I want a sword.

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

There was nothing more smartass than Alice Synthesis 30 in SAO 18 asking a reporter to open up his head and prove he was human I’m sorry like OOF-

63. five songs that would play in your club?

Get in losers, we’re playing Steppin’ Out by FLOW, Elle me dit by Mika, Blue by Eiffel 65, ADAMAS by LiSA, and Touch Off by UVERworld.

64. favorite website from your childhood?

I was on Webkinz more than I want to admit.

65. any permanent scars?

Yup. I have one on my toe where I split the skin in half. I tripped. I have three surgical scars from when I had my appendix removed. And...the mystery scar. I was supposedly born with a scar it’s at the part where my foot meets my leg on my left side and you can see how it’s stretched over the years if you run your finger over it. The joke is that the doctor taking out my mom’s appendix scratched me in the womb.

67. good luck charms?

Not really a charm but I do have a little Kirito keychain I carry everywhere I go that I fiddle with when I’m nervous.

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Artificial bubblegum. Disgustiiiing.

70. left or right handed?

I am right-handed.

71. least favorite pattern?

Zig-zags.

72. worst subject?

History...I am ashamed. It’s interesting, I just suck at it.

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

Gingerbread and marshmallow. I am a bit picky about mixing foods and flavors, so this was the weirdest I could think up.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

Can you hear that? It’s my hysterical laughter. 12 on a scale of 10. I get up there pretty frequently. Thank you, chronic crippling pain.

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

I...I don’t remember...I don’t even remember...I think I had to be like what...kindergarten?

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

THIS IS CRUEL I LOVE ALL POTATOS I LOVE THEM ALL SO MUCH-Au gratin.

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

Aloe!

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

Coffee from a gas station. Mark my words...I will never get grocery store sushi. Ever. Again. My stomach has not forgotten. What a mistake. That was.

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

So, my driver’s license hasn’t had an updated photo since I was 15 and just had a learner’s so I look like I want to murder a man but my school ID I had just run about a mile in the cold because the bus wasn’t running that day and my face is red and I look like I’m crying...probably the school ID...

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Jewel tones~~

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

I am from the South and we call ‘em lightnin’ bugs.

82. pc or console?

Errrrr console. I’m not a gamer by any means but there’s way fewer things to press on a console controller.

84. podcasts or talk radio?

Neither...what...no...neither...they will put me to sleep...I will be out in seconds...the most dangerous things...people talking...and then I’m out...

84. barbie or polly pocket?

Barbie, she’s a LOT easier to dress. Those rubber clothes. SMH.

86. cookies or cupcakes?

Cookies but they gotta be the soft ones.

87. your greatest fear?

Being swallowed in the ocean. By a fish or a whale. I don’t play. Church kid don’t play with big things in the ocean with big mouths.

88. your greatest wish?

To make enough of a difference in someone’s life that they learn to love themself.

89. who would you put before everyone else?

Such a selfish thought...gosh...the mere thought of prioritizing someone troubles me.

90. luckiest mistake?

Telling a cute guy sending me dog pictures was an excellent flirting technique as he sent me pictures of his puppy. I immediately thought “oh god I’ve fucked up bad” and at present we’re kinda head over heels for one another so maybe just be stupidly blunt once and a while you might find true love.

91. boxes or bags?

Boxes. My cat didn’t force me to say that. Not at all. Sock, buddy, off the keyboard-

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

Sunlight. I like the sun. The sun is my friend. It is warm and would never betray me.

93. nicknames?

Sister calls me “spoony” when she’s being ridiculous. No, I don’t know what that means. Mama calls me “cakes.” I had friends who called me “Deku” because I’m a crybaby. Had a few people DM me and straight up call me “Eugeo” or “Eug.” AJ is technically a nickname.

94. favorite season?

Springtime!!!!! It’s...HERE!

95. favorite app on your phone?

I use like three apps...so Discord.

96. desktop background?

It’s. It’s Kirito and Eugeo. What did you expect.

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized?

Mama’s, dad’s, mine, and my parents’ house number. And does the emergency 911 count (pahahaha).

(I answered the others in delicateeuphoria’s ask!)

#ask #ask me anything #weird asks that say a lot #ask game #weeaboo-god

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atinykidult · 5 years ago

Text

Walk You Home - Lee Chan

[fluff full-length] [summer theme] - 2,762 words

Summary: Set during your summer break, implied neighbor!Lee Chan insists on walking you home after every date. Featuring lots of laughter, a summer job at a burger restaurant, protective older brother!Hansol, and so much fluff.

Inspired by: NCT Dream’s Walk You Home

A/N: Guys! This is my first longer piece, and I edited it like crazy! I bet there’s still tons of mistakes, but thank you so much for reading this! If you like it, please leave me some feedback. So excited to finally post this! Thanks again for reading!

You'd gone on five dates with Lee Chan, who you'd discovered to be the sweetest and most hardworking highschooler to ever exist. Each date had been perfect, ending with him offering to walk you home. Each time, you’d tried to decline. Each time, he’d ignored you.

By the fifth date, you learned to just accept his company and enjoy your time together. (You found plenty to enjoy.)

"So what do you think you'll do this summer?" Chan looked away from the curb he tightrope walked on to smile at you. "Please don't tell me you're disappearing off to the Caribbeans or something."

"My family's too middle class for that." You laughed, then laughed harder as he stumbled off the curb. "Eyesight helps with balance, y'know." You gave him a few seconds to recover before you asked, "Would you miss me?"

"Yes," Chan replied immediately, "very much so."

"'Very much so.'" You laughed again. "Chan, I love you."

You could almost hear him suck a breath in.

"I mean, I love you too," he replied, diligently keeping his eyes on the curb ahead of him, "but I feel like you didn't mean it literally — which I do, for the record."

Now you yourself tripped, and you hadn't been balancing on narrow cement. Noticing your red-cheeked silence, Chan swiftly came to your rescue.

"I'm sorry, Y/N! I shouldn't have said that, huh?" He laughed awkwardly and cleared his throat.

You barely registered him talking while your heartbeat pounded louder than summer thunder.

"Shoulda waited to confess until junior year, right? We're both young — I know — and I shouldn't jump the gun on these things."

Inwardly, you shouted that 'It's not too early at all!'

You made a choked sound, fanning your face desperately, but he didn't look at you. His cheeks had turned red, too, and he busied himself by determinedly staring at the curb.

Suddenly, he stopped walking and pulled you onto the curb behind him.

Your sweaty palm tingled at his soft touch.

"See if you can keep up!"

He took off, letting go of your hand, and bounded over the curb steadily. Hobbling after him, you envied his grace. Although you stubbed your toes and fell off altogether too many times, you welcomed the sudden change in atmosphere. Laughing and bickering, you both tried pushing and tripping each other, moving past the previous interaction with sincerely light hearts. (Really, though, this laughter felt more like a continuation of it.)

Chan and you stumbled to a halt when you reached your mailbox.

"Well, this is me!" you smiled, breathing uneven due to the exertion. "Thanks for walking me home!"

And, old fashioned as it felt, you truly appreciated it.

"No problem — I had fun," Chan replied easily. Sincerely.

"Me too." You shyly met his eyes. "See you soon?"

Seeing him beam at your words, you found yourself wanting to kiss his cheek. You chose not to.

"Obviously."

"Okay, then..." (You really felt like kissing his cheek... No, Y/N. Be a cool date.) "See you!"

"See you!"

You jogged to your porch, then turned to wave as he began trotting away. A smile crept onto your face when you found him already waving back. Your smile only grew wider when he glanced back a few moments after that.

When he noticed you still watching him, his grin matched yours — they were wide, toothy things rivaling the full, pizza pie moon.

'That's amore,' you thought to yourself.

"Good fifth date?" Your older brother, Hansol, interrupted your thoughts when he poked his head out the door. "What's taking so long?"

You jumped a foot into the air and sighed, following your brother inside.

"If he hurts you, I'll kill him," you distantly heard him mutter.

"I don't think that'll be a problem, big bro."

Your first five dates had ranged from late spring to early summer; during your summer break, you only had three more thanks to crazy schedules.

The youngest in an advanced troup, Chan's dance demanded a large portion of his time, which left him little time to himself, let alone enough time to take you out (then walk you home).

Meanwhile, you had found yourself both a first job and a car, thrusting you into the cruel world of customer service and gasoline prices.

"It's horrible!" you complained to Hansol throughout the first three weeks. "I have grease stains everywhere!"

"...It's not that terrible," you hesitantly murmured after a certain Tuesday.

That Tuesday's lunch rush had punished you, your coworkers, and your combined sanity, but you'd made it! Once the crowd left, only you and an empty lobby remained. Pulling out your phone, you nearly cried from relief—

Then the door swung open.

You bit your lip to keep the sob in.

"Hello! Can I get your ord" — you pocketed your phone and looked at the customer — "er?! Chan?!"

Playful eyes (that you felt highly attracted to) met yours. Said dancer lifted his eyebrow. "Y/N?!" he mimicked you, laughing right after.

"What are you doing here?" you asked, exhaustion gone instantly.

"What are you doing here?" he parroted again.

"Oh, stop!" You rolled your eyes, stifling your laughter. "But, really, what are you doing here, Chan?"

He leaned against the counter slightly, turning flirty as he answered.

"Lunch break — we usually pack our lunch, but my friends wanted me to grab burgers today." You vaguely recalled a picture he'd shown you before of his three close dance friends. "We finished a big piece we'd had choreography block on, so we wanted to celebrate!" Chan suddenly bit his lip and back peddled, looking less flirty as he floundered. "If that's a thing — choreography block. Soonyoung calls it that, but it might not be an actual term. Uh, it's like a writer's block, but for dance."

"I get it, Chan." You grinned, laughter bubbling up somewhere between your stomach and heart. "I don't dance, but I definitely understand." Your eyes lingered on the way sweat slicked his hair back. You'd only seen him with bangs; this look suited him. To keep the conversation moving in a way that wouldn't embarrass you, you added, "I didn't know you choreographed!"

You smiled inwardly at his blush and the way he ran a hand through his hair. This only slicked his bangs farther back. (100% a good look, you decided.)

"Yeah, just a little," he replied modestly.

In his hand, his phone screen lit up with a flood of notifications.

"Something up?" you asked.

"Hangry dancers." Chan smiled at you, meeting your gaze charmingly. Your heart jumped as his eyes lingered on yours just too long then brushed over your features.

"Right!" you exclaimed. "You need to order! Hangry dancers —not fun." At his smile, your brain collapsed on itself. "Right."

"Oh, yeah, I might need to do that." Chan bit his lip again, and you died inside. "I might have forgotten..." He showed you his phone screen with a list of burger orders. You were punching them in when he added cheesily, "I'm never good with time when I'm around you."

You died more.

After you'd entered the order — apparently dancers ate their body weight in grease — Chan leaned his elbows onto the counter so he looked up at you. At his puppylike pout, you braced yourself. You'd be cringing or laughing or swooning — there'd be no in between.

"What are your hours?" he asked.

You exhaled in surprise; no emotional response kicked in, and you showed him a copy of your schedule. Nodding along as he skimmed through it, he, at last, gave you a blinding smile.

"You work one night less than I dance, and you leave work around the same time I do." He pointed to your schedule to emphasize his point. "So... Can we walk home together?"

"Uh, I drive now?" you replied unsurely, suddenly wishing you hadn't bought a car.

He cracked a smile. "You do? Congrats!"

"Yep!" you smiled and considered your options. A smile formed on your face when you found a good one. "I'm guessing by you asking that, that you walk to your studio?"

Chan nodded, tilting his head at you curiously. "I walk most places." He added sheepishly, "My parents probably wouldn't have let me dance if it hadn't been so close."

"That'd be a waste," you replied instinctively, though honestly.

He ducked his head, clearly flustered, and ran his hand through his hair, which still looked attractive slicked back, by the way.

"Why," he cleared his throat, "do you ask?"

You closed your eyes for bravery, then answered. "How about I start driving you home?"

His walk to dance took him about fifteen minutes; the drive from his studio to his house lasted about ten.

("There's too many stop signs!" you once complained to him. He'd laughed and jokingly complimented your smooth breaking. Two drives later, you whispered to yourself, 'There's too few.')

Needless to say, you adored your many short rides home with Chan.

Some nights, you and Chan would argue over different artists and why certain songs sounded better than others. Although you often declared war over who should have won yesterday's music show, you could always agree on one artist, The Vocal Unit, if arguments got out of hand.

(Sometimes you felt strongly about your music, okay? Not to mention, these arguments sometimes gave Chan a passionate edge in his voice that you grew slightly — just slightly — addicted to.)

Other nights, you would listen to each other rant about the difficulties of life. Whether it featured you bemoaning your boss or he, his dance instructors, you both made excellent therapists for each other.

Other nights, you would play word games.

Other nights you would discuss deep things, like his fear of injuring himself and ruining his chances. ("ACLs tear so easily," he informed you miserably.) Or you'd share your anxiety over your brother moving out soon.

Other nights, you would randomly pull over to star watch for a few minutes.

Other nights, he would ask you to pull over at the entrance of your neighborhood and steal the aux cord. Then he would pull you out of the car. Then he would wrap his arms around you. Then you would dance with him, feeling like you'd stolen the movie set and accompanying actor from some actress.

(Other nights like this felt more like Footloose or beginner ballet instructionals.)

Other nights — or, rather, one specific night towards the end of summer break — you stopped in front of Chan's house and pulled your key out of the ignition. He'd only just jumped out of the passenger seat, so he poked his head back in.

"Hey, is the car alright?" Chan asked you, frowning as he inspected the vehicle. He didn't notice the keys in your hand.

His head moved closer to yours while he looked at the dash, and you prayed for luck when you grabbed the sides of his face and pushed your lips against his.

You must have been lucky; he kissed back.

His dance schedule changed right as the school year rolled around, bringing the last car ride with him.

"I'm going to miss this," you remarked to him, trying to keep your voice casual. In fact, the change to your schedules felt especially not-casual to you, but what else could you do?

"Aw, me, too!" Chan chirped in reply. Apparently, your attempt succeeded. "Thank you for driving me home all these times! I should repay you for the gas it took."

Because you'd settled this with him before, you sent him a look. Annoying, chivalrous boy — he always wanted to take care of you like King Arthur or something.

He grinned in response. "I may have been kidding, sort of." Taking a deep breath, he avoided your eyes as he continued talking, which told you he was planning something. "But I really do want to make it up to you. For real! And soon."

"Sure." You glanced at him as you flicked on your turn signal. A familiar warmth spread in your chest when you found him inconspicuously peeking at your reaction. "And how do you plan to do that?"

"I'll tell you when you park," he promised you.

"Hmm," you replied lightly. "Do I get a kiss with the explanation?"

He laughed and rolled with your teasing. "Of course! Can't distract you when you're driving, after all."

"Um, excuse you! I'm great at multitasking!"

You had pulled into his driveway and parked the car when he finally made a move, taking your hand in his.

"Hey," he said quietly, instantly turning the atmosphere into something soft.

"Hey," you parroted softly, almost joking, but too invested in meeting his eyes for it to be funny.

"I'm going to really miss these rides, too."

You cracked a faint smile. "But we're still going to hang out a lot, right?"

Chan leaned in, eyes crinkling happily, and squeezed your hand in his. "Of course!"

The weekend after school started back, Chan made good on his promise to pay you back. (He'd forgotten to tell you his plans after you'd closed your eyes and 'invited' him to kiss you into the softest stupor.)

It began with him pulling into your driveway in his own vehicle.

"You got a car?!" You slid into the passenger seat and waved goodbye to Hansol. At Chan's nod, you punched his arm lightly. "Since when?! And why didn't you tell me at school?"

"I thought it would be a fun surprise." Chan bit his lip, eyes sparkling. "You like it?"

"You have to start halving gas and miles with me? Yes please!" You laughed and made a show of winking.

He laughed too and began leaning in to peck your cheek.

"So..." you began. When his lips had almost reached your cheek, you turned your head so his lips landed on the corner of your mouth. "Where are we heading to?" you finished brightly.

Making a sound of protest, Chan took a moment to kiss your lips properly before he hurriedly retreated to his side of the car. His wide, unwavering grin told you that he felt beyond pleased with everything.

"There's this park with a really nice sandwich place near it," he informed you as he turned the key. "I thought we might as well go check it out. A date — to pay you back for this summer... Or start to, anyway!"

"Sounds solid!" You began adjusting his passenger seat to your preference like you owned it. (Chan noticed, and his grin only grew wider because of that. Of course, he had long ago taken over yours.) "I'm so glad you picked sandwiches. Burgers aren't that fun anymore."

"I may have thought of that," Chan replied cheekily.

You snorted and stole the aux cord.

"That song should not — should not! — have won!!!"

The date was all laughter and smiles.

When you wandered around the park, Chan held your hand like the romantic he was. When you got crumbs on your face, Chan cheesily wiped them off for you. When you found the prettiest creek, Chan took photos of you. (You then forced him to pose for his own pictures.)

Altogether, it was a dream.

When Chan drove you back to your neighborhood, the sky had darkened considerably, and the lampposts had already flickered on.

You felt inspired.

"Go to your house," you instructed him.

He glanced at you, brow furrowed. "What?"

"You heard me right..." Your heart fluttered even before you said your next bit. This was cheesy. So cheesy. "I want you to walk me home."

Chan's confused expression transitioned into the brightest smile-eye smile combination of all time. Not missing a beat, he flicked the turn signal and u-turned.

Your face was burning as he parked his car in his driveway and sprinted around to he open your door for you.

Your stomach was fluttering as you linked fingers with him and headed down the road, him balancing on the curb and you on the pavement.

Your heart was swelling with warmth as he stopped to kiss you a block away from your house.

You could feel him lingering with you, could picture his smile, could hear his laughter, even as you laid your head on your pillow and smiled up at the ceiling.

As you smiled like a fool, you shook your head at yourself.

All this from him walking you home.

You bit your lip.

All this from him walking you home, indeed.

#nct dream walk you home (such a cute bop!)#seventeen #imagines #seventeen imagines #svt #seventeen chan #lee chan #dino #fluff #kpop

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rookieinbflat · 5 years ago

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New Territory, 2

Open Heart - Ethan x MC (Levin Stern)

Summary: Ethan navigates a day of activities with an difficult yet endearing eight-year-old.

@writerapprentice

WC: ~2500

Thank God they had showered and gotten dressed before going to bed last night. Ethan had stayed true to his promise, and they had sex on almost every flat surface in the apartment last night, but now in the morning light, when he rolled over to gather Levin in his arms, where he would normally find her shoulders he instead found a small set of feet. Furrowing his eyebrows, he pushes himself up onto his elbows and gently pulls back the comforter, sunlight is streaming through the half-opened blinds and he can make out the small form of an annoyingly endearing eight-year-old lying between him and Levin, upside down.

He rubs his eyes before softly rustling her, “Isa, what are you doing sleeping upside down?” Ethan asks softly, and she almost robotically sits up before lying back down with her head on the pillow this time, she’s sucking her thumb and her eyes are still closed, Ethan gently pulls her hand away from her face, he’s determined for her to kick the thumb sucking habit by the end of this weekend.

“I had a bad dream, that room is scary cause it’s so big,” Isa mumbles and pulls Ethan’s arm back down so she can use his arm as a pillow and nestle into his side, like Levin, she’s a cuddler.

Ethan lies back down and pets her hair, he looks over to see that it’s only six thirty, they can sleep for a couple more hours before they get started for the day. Neither Ethan nor Levin could remember the last time they had a sleep in, or a whole weekend to themselves, well, almost to themselves. Between the two of them on the diagnostics team, Levin taking every professional development opportunity available to her and Ethan researching for his next book, the time between them had been stretched quite thin. Levin couldn’t even remember the last weekend they were both in the same city, she had been travelling so much she keeps an already packed bag in the wardrobe for convenience. They had spoken to Naveen and gotten the whole weekend off to look after Isa and they planned to make the most of it. The agenda is breakfast at Short Street, a morning spent at the aquarium, lunch in the park and then a movie. If Isa is anything like Levin at the aquarium, he’s in for a big day.

Levin turns over and reaches across Isa to squeeze Ethan’s arm, “She crawled in at around midnight,” she chuckles softly, her brown eyes twinkling with mischief, “though I’m not exactly sure when she decided to sleep upside down,”

Ethan stretches the arm that Isa is lying across to reach out and brushes Levin’s cheek softly, “I put the nightlight on for her,” Ethan says softly, “I bought that nightlight from the planetarium, she loved it,” Levin smiled fondly when he came home complaining of the prices at the museum gift store, he was so worked up about the blatant monetisation in science she thought a vein was going to burst.

“Nuh uh,” Isa pipes up from between them, “the constellations aren’t even right,” Levin purses her lips and tries to hold in a laugh as Ethan looks shocked, being told off by an eight-year-old is surely a first for him. Levin can't remember the last time she saw Ethan at a loss for words, he always knew what to say to his bosses, interns, patients, but this little three-foot-nothing mess had completely stumped him.

“Isa,” Levin pushes some hair from the over her eyes, “how about you take Jenner and Pascale to your room and get a bit more sleep before we head to the aquarium? I need to take a shower so I’m not all smelly and scare the fish off,” Take the bait kiddo, she thinks to herself, go and watch cartoons in bed. Isa happily agrees, she loves having the dogs sleep in the spare bed with her, and she’s already figured out how to operate Nick Jnr on the television in the spare room. She plants a big kiss on Levin’s cheek before walking out of the room, dragging a stuffed seal toy she always took with her on trips.

Levin quickly got up and locked the door, this babysitting was really bringing out some primal instinct in the two of them, they couldn’t wait to jump each other’s bones at any given chance. She jumps back on the bed and straddles Ethan, holding his hands over his head, “We’ve got about forty minutes before she gets bored,” Levin leans down and starts to lay kisses on his neck, nipping at the skin there as he runs his hands up the back of her thighs and rests them on her rear.

She rolls her hips against his own and she can feel him hardening against her, “I only need twenty for what I’m planning to do you,” he growls and squeezes her bum before moving his hands up to remove her top, leaving her in just boxer shorts. He aptly rolls them over and pins her beneath him, pushing down her shorts before returning to kiss her, running his tongue along the inside of her lip.

—————

“No, no, no, its nine am, you’re not getting chicken fingers,” Ethan slams the menu down on the table in front of him, Isa is sitting across from him and looks up in a treacherous stare, her brows furrowing, they’ve been going at this for five minutes. They stare at each other for a long time, Ethan’s face is deadpan serious, his fists are clenched and Isa looks like she’s about to set the whole place on fire.

“Chicken is healthy, its got good stuff,” she retorts, she’s stopped colouring now, engaged in this stare off.

Levin is sitting next to Isa, reading a book propped up against the centrepiece while sipping on a smoothie, she’s aware of the situation but doesn’t want to get involved, they’re both as stubborn as each other. Ethan breaks first, looking away from Isa and over to Levin, his icy blue eyes pleading. Help me, Levin, they say, this kid is crazy, he wants to say. Levin sits her book down on the table and picks up the menu, looking over options that Isa might be interested in, but once she’s made her mind up, it pretty hard to change it.

“How about some pancakes?” Levin suggests and points the option out on the menu, Isa shrugs indifferently, looking back down to her colouring, Levin pushes and picks up a purple pencil to draw a small butterfly on the corner of the page, “It says that it comes with whipped cream and strawberries,” take the bait kiddo.

“Okay, I’ll have the pancakes,”

Levin, 1. Ethan, 0. Levin smirks as Ethan’s jaw drops, he’s not used to being shown up by anyone, but this child is giving him a run for his money.

“Those pancakes will have ridiculous amounts of fructose in them, not to mention, how do we know the fruit is sustainable and non-GMO?” Ethan leans over the table and whispers to Levin, but she’s not paying any attention.

Levin reaches across the table and squeezes his hand, “Ethan, turn doctor mode off for a little bit,” she tells him gently, “just enjoy the weekend, I’m sure Isa won't die from a few irresponsibly farmed fruits,”

She says this to him a lot, Ethan, let go. Ethan, chill out. Ethan, wind down. It used to infuriate him to no end, it always seemed that she was condescending him when she said that. She said it like it's so simple like his brain is just a switch he can flick from an overbearing, over-ambitious doctor, to wild, reckless, hooligan. Then, Ethan realised, she knows it’s not easy, its a battle she struggles with every day, work mode, friend mode, home mode. All the different aspects of Levin’s personality that she tries to keep in a perfectly calibrated economy, but now, she was learning to embrace the unknown, to relax and stop worrying about the things she can't control. It was never easy, she knew that, but Levin also knew that Ethan wouldn’t try if he wasn’t pushed. Levin studied psychology in her undergrad degree, a discipline she’d been interested in since she was young. One night when they had first started dating, they were laid in bed and she opened up to him and Ethan realised why, she told stories about her mothers’ struggle with post-partum depression, her brothers bi-polar, and her own diagnosis with anxiety and borderline personality disorder. She was not looking for pity, nor did she say anything to suggest she was complaining. Levin looked back at her past with the idea that everything that happened made her the person she was today, and Ethan wouldn’t want his gorgeous Rookie any other way.

The waitress comes over to take their orders, Levin orders goats cheese and truffle mushrooms on toast, Ethan orders a vegetable chilli scramble and a double shot of espresso - he’s going to need it today. Ethan talks to Isa about his theories for his new book on diagnostic medicine, Isa pretends like she can understand a word he’s saying. They’re sharing a colouring page, two dogs chasing after a ball. Working on activities together always forces children to get along, Levin thinks to herself before returning to her book. Ethan looks up from the collar he’s colouring red and finds Levin looking at him with a small smile and he wonders what his Rookie is thinking about, he’s thinking about how much he loves her.

Just when Levin thinks she’s in the clear, there’s a three minute argument over Isa pouring more than a tablespoon of syrup over her pancakes, “It’s the syrup or the cream, Isa, I’m not playing games here - you can’t have both,” Ethan has his brows furrowed once again and Isa holds the bottle of syrup over her stack of pancakes almost threateningly.

Levin kicks him under the table and he lets out a quiet yelp, shooting a pointed glance across the table.

‘What was that for?’ He mouths silently, Levin raises her eyebrows and gestures towards Isa and her threat of syrup.

“Alright, I’ll strike a deal with you here,” Ethan turns back to Isa calmly and she gives him a confused look, “you can have more syrup on your pancakes, but you’re not allowed to have any soda at the aquarium,”

Isa thinks about it and puts the syrup down, “Nah, I want a big frozen drink when we go to the movies,” the word comes out sounding like moobies, she’s still struggling with her ‘v’ sounds.

Levin sighs, another crisis averted... for now.

—————

Levin and Ethan had survived the trip to the aquarium, well, maybe more Ethan had survived the trip to the aquarium. Levin and Isa had dragged him through every inch of the place, they could name every fish, every species of coral, every spec of dust in the tanks in front of them. Ethan had watched on in awe at Levin’s childlike wonder, they’d been there plenty of times before but each time was just as special as the last. He loved his beautiful fiancé with every cell in his body, he loved watching her love of the sea come to life when they were at the aquarium when she rattled off random facts in his ear, he thought his life couldn’t get any better.

For lunch, they sat under the warm sun, it was too cold in the shade and Boston had blessed them with a cloudless weekend in the bay. Levin laid with her head in Ethan’s lap, reading a novel about a conversation between a scientist and a monk about the meaning of life, Ethan flicked through a medical journal on his phone, Isa laid on her stomach, colouring in a super-duper-top-secret drawing that no one was allowed to see.

Now, Levin was getting Isa ready for bed, she had just had a bubble bath in their ridiculously oversized tub that could probably fit five people. Levin sat at the foot of their bed braiding Isa’s hair, trying to be gentle as Isa bounced around like a chihuahua on crack. “When I get old, I wanna have a big farm and I’m gonna have fifty dogs!” Isa tells the pair cheerily, she throws her arms out to the side, scaring poor Jenner, who’s not used to this level of energy in the house, “I’m gonna have a whole bunch of huskies,” she rattles on.

“While that sentiment is lovely Isa, I think you’re going to be very shocked at the associated veterinary bills,” Ethan ponders without looking up from his phone and Levin leans back to smack him on the chest. Of course, he is going to burst an eight-year-olds bubble with the serious realities of adult life.

Levin looks over at Isa sincerely, “I think that sounds freaking awesome and I am going to visit you all the time,” Levin loves dogs, she would have ten if she could, “alright your hair is done, it’s time for bed. Cmon, I’ll tuck you in,”

Isa shoots up from the floor, “No! I want Ethan to tuck me in,” it sounds more like ‘Eefan’ than it does anything else.

Levin turns back to a slightly shocked Ethan, but he recovers quickly, placing his phone down on the side table and rising off the bed. She puts the hairbrush on the dresser and watches as Isa grabs Ethan’s hand and leads him to tuck her into bed.

As Ethan is tucking her into bed and putting on the nightlight, Isa reaches into her rucksack beside the bed, pulls out a sheet of paper and hands it to the doctor. Ethan recognises it as the menu from the cafe this morning, he’s about to ask Isa why she kept it when he turns the page over to find her top-secret drawing from earlier. It’s a picture of the five of them - Levin and Ethan with Isa between the two, all holding hands, and Jenner and Pascale on either side.

Ethan tucks Isa in and leaves a soft kiss on her hair, “Thanks, Isa, I think I’m going to put this one on the fridge,” she smiles and rolls over in bed.

He walks out into the kitchen and places the picture underneath their schedules, it almost feels like it's his own daughters drawing that he’s sticking up on the stainless steel appliance. Ethan had never thought about having a family. When he began his career in medicine, he had accepted that the hospital was going to be his only family. When he met Levin, he had grown fond of the idea that she would be his family for the rest of his life. Now they were looking after Isa and he knew he wanted more, he wanted a family of his own.

#ethan ramsey #ethan x mc #open heart #choices #oh #fluff #love #doctor ethan ramsey #choices: open heart #cute

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hollandroos · 6 years ago

Text

The Price We Pay | Four

Summary: A one night stand was all it took for your entire life to change. You're shoved into unknown territory, agreeing to fake date the prince long enough for his parents and the media to get off of his back only there are a few issues... one of them being that you really can’t stand each other.

Series Masterlist

Words: 4.2K

Warnings: None!

Moodboard by @marvelousxtsh

“I thought I told you just to dress casually?” You taunt.

Tom steps out of the car– the passenger seat to be correct because after half an hour of back and forth you finally made him agree to drive, claiming it’d be a waste of time to get a driver. Though a part of you wondered when the last time he drove was and if it’d be safe.

But you were still alive, even after the painfully awkward drive between games of Ispy.

He shrugs, brown curls slicked around. “I wanted to make a good first impression.”

��Tom, sweatpants and a hoodie would have been fine. You could scare them off in that.”

His eyes widen, immediately going to stare down at his outfit– maybe it was a little over the top but truth be told he had no idea about your family and where they came from. He feared underdressing and hadn’t debated overdressing in the slightest.

“Fuck, really?”

You tug him forward by the front of his coat, pulling it off of his shoulders. Beneath was a white dress shirt tucked into his pants and you undid the top button, puffing out the collars. You throw the jacket into the front seat of the car and Tom grimaced at the way the material creased, buttons knocking against the dash.

“That’s a little better, you look good like this.” You felt a little proud and he smiles, glancing around for cameras but he finds none– in fact, he finds no one. Your childhood home really was in the middle of nowhere. “Just c’mon, and remember to relax, my family is nowhere as intense as yours.”

God, were you going to kill him–

He shoves the thoughts to the back of his brain. “S-should I hold your hand?”

“Yeah, we want to pull this off don’t we?”

He takes your hand into his own, intertwining your fingers together. The action was probably the closest you’d been since that night and it bought Tom a sense of comfort, reminding him that he wasn’t alone in this– so he began rubbing his thumb over your knuckles.

“Oh yeah, by the way, I have four siblings.”

Maybe you should’ve told him soon– about Kenny who was only a year younger then you and Carley who was eighteen, then there was Louis and Marcus who were fifteen. But Tom never asked.

Four? Tom had none.

He stands startled. “What–”

“Y/N!” A shrill voice calls and you smile at the two twins that raced towards you, one with ponytails and the other a set of muddy shorts.

They were loud and extremely clingy. Personal space didn’t exist and showers were the enemy– even after a day of helping in the backyard.

You turn to Tom and give him a lopsided smile, small crinkles forming beneath your eyes. And rather sarcastically, you kneel. “Welcome to my life, your majesty.”

From there, Tom watched you interact with your four siblings, each of a different age except the twins with completely different personalities. You were right, they were loud and it came as a shock to him.

But he sort of liked it.

The prince was used to hundreds of hallways, the only noise being his own two feet padding against the marble ground as well as his men or the grandfather clocks singing a chorus every hour. Here, you had to speak up to be heard and shout across the table which at the palace would’ve been considered rude– here it was the only way to get your thoughts out.

Louis and Marcus had easily gravitated towards Tom and Carley had clearly tried to suck up the prince and he found it amusing. He allowed them to play around in the fairly expensive ride and even gave each of your siblings a box of chocolates as a ‘hey, I’m suddenly dating your sister please like me’ gift.

Kenny didn’t trust the man one bit.

But he watched you interact with each of the kids like they were your own and he briefly remembered you mentioning the hours you’d spend taking care of them when your mum was at work, making their favourite lunches and playing games to pass the hours.

It was a softer side he was pleased to see.

He watched you smile, corners of your lips turning upwards as they fill you in on everything you’d missed like Kenny moving jobs and their science project at school.

Tom had never had that, the comfort of another sibling. From an early age, he was in the classroom learning how to be a prince– the best kind of prince in fact. He wasn’t learning how to balance books on his head but laws at the age of nine. He had maids and cooks and teachers and busy parents that never ceased to forget about his existence.

But it doesn’t take him long of sitting around an overly crowded family table, much smaller then his own for him to realise that someone was missing.

“Where’s your mum?”

You leave the other kids to discuss whose turn it was to do dishes, ignoring your own stomach rumbling. “Right about now she’ll be at work but she’ll be back by dinner to meet my handsome boyfriend, she’s very excited.” You watch his face change. “Yes, Thomas, the people here do have to work long hours to get by.”

“I knew that! I did, I just thought they finished around three you know…” He feels a wave of awkwardness wash over him and fiddles with his fingers. “I don’t think your brother likes me very much.” He nods towards Kenny.

And of course, you being as uncaring as you turned straight to your younger brother. “Ken, what do you think of Tom?”

His face hardens. “I’m undecided.”

The comment makes Tom tense and if his heart wasn’t pounding before then it most definitely was now. He couldn’t put his finger on why he felt so nervous about this. If anything he must’ve been more nervous then you when you met his parents but he wasn’t sure because to this point in time, you’d done a beyond amazing at keeping your feelings hidden.

Tom felt like he’d barely peeled back one layer of many.

“That’s not necessarily a bad thing.” You try, taking his hand into your own and giving it a squeeze once more. “The others love you.”

It was a small action but one that made Tom’s heart run miles.

“Tom!” Carley says, staring between the two of you. She interrupts your small– barely there but there nonetheless moment. “Did you know that you’re the first boy she’s bought home in… probably forever?”

Toms' eyes widen, finding your suddenly fearful gaze. “Really?”

“Okay that’s not true–” You tense, sending her a threatening glare. But your sister only shrugs, a teasing smile making way on her face. She knew what she was doing and you hated it.

“We all didn’t think this day would come but here it is.”

Your grit your teeth and unknowingly squeeze Toms hand a little harder. He notices. “This is why I didn’t fuckin–”

“Tell me more, I want to know all about Y/N.” Tom interrupts, feeling your grip loosen. “What was she like as a child? did she listen at school?”

After half an hour of hearing all about your interest without your consent, your siblings all decided to scatter. Some went off to play with friends, some went to their room to do homework and one of them was apparently working out.

You didn’t know when your sister got so productive.

You and Tom wondered around the property, introducing him to your long missed farm animals. You watched his face change to disgust as he stepped over manure and puddles, nearly laughing at the way he seemed nearly unsure of every single step.

Of course, there were animals at the castle but nothing like this.

He didn’t tend to go around to the pens but seeing the pigs at yours– leaning down to pet them and nearly being shoved back when they rammed into his legs was surprising but made him laugh nonetheless.

And the cows– he loved the cows. There were two of them, Betsy and Bucky and without hesitation he pets the both of them.

“Originally we were going to sell them to the slaughterhouse but we grew too attached, mostly me but the younger ones did too of course and we managed to convince mum to keep them. So now they’re like our pets.” You smile, running a hand over Betsy's back.

Bucky moos at Tom.

“They’re adorable.” He smiles, stepping in what was either mud or cow manure. Tom only screws his face up for a second but quickly gets over himself. He had promised to give this a try and he wasn’t regretting it yet. “Do you have chickens?”

“Lots of them. When we were kids it’d be a race to see who could get the eggs first.” You smile at the memory.

“And here I thought you were a towns girl but you’re really a country girl at heart.”

“And here I thought you were an asshole prince, I guess only one of us was right with our assumptions.” You smile cheekily.

The two of you continue to walk around the place slowly, making sure to take it everything from the surprisingly blue sky to the grass that flattened beneath your feet with every step and the smell– because the smell wasn’t the best but the amazement in his eyes was definitely worth something.

“We haven’t actually had a proper moment to talk.” He mutters, stuffing his hands into his pant pockets. “I mean there was that first night, we were drunk. Then we were rushed then my parents were involved.”

“Have we not?”

“Nope.” Tom shakes his head, the two of you continue to walk around the property. “I hope you know that I appreciate what you’re doing for me. Seriously– it means a lot. I know it probably wasn’t easy to give up work and going from being… you, to headlining the papers.”

“Work was easy to give up, my boss is an ass and it really wasn’t easy have those out there.” You laugh, shaking your head. “Are you going soft on me?”

“I’ve always been soft, you just push my limits.” Tom teases, taking his hands out of his pockets.

You snort. “I do?”

He ignores the moment his hand brushes against yours.

“You have attitude, you’re feisty, no one’s ever spoken to me the way you do before and it’s– it’s different.” He shrugs, voice reaching a new pitch.

“I’m just real, Tom. I’m not going to start kissing your feet or beg you to love me. You’re a man with a crown and that crown means barely anything to me.”

“You see me as a person.” He highlights.

“You are a person. A person that annoys me to an extent.”

You come across the mud puddles you used to push your siblings into when you were a kid.

“Why do I annoy you so much?”

You don’t have an answer to his question at that moment.

So you shove him.

You watch him hit the ground with a gentle thud, mud splattering up and staining the end of your pants but he looked worse.

“Are you fucking serious?” He hisses.

You cover your mouth, trying to prevent him from seeing the smile that took place and the giggles that threatened to spill. You didn’t even care about how threatening his words sounded.

He looked a right mess. Mud stained Toms pants and right up to his waist, hands planted in the mud were a sticky brown and the frown on his face only topped it off. Dirt clung to his coffee brown curls.

You didn’t even take a second to think about how expensive his clothes were before you threw him into the giant puddle of mud or how long it’d take to clean his outfit, you purely focused on the amusement you felt the moment he hit the mud and the look of pure shock and disgust on his face when he realised that he was now coated in the mess.

“This isn’t funny!” He snaps, screwing his nose up at the god awful smell. “Get me the hell out of here or I swear–”

Tom stops, cutting himself off as he sees you clutching your stomach, laughs slipping from your lips. He watches the way your eyes screw shut, strands of hair falling over your face as you lean forward to grip the post for support and you hurl over just enough to take hold of your lower stomach.

“You just– you look so funny right now. You got such a shock too oh my god.” The words came out between laughs and gasps for air, there was even a single tear.

Then he had an idea– one that he knew could either get him into trouble or extend the fun and of course, Tom wanted to extend the fun.

“Can you help me out?”

He sticks a muddy hand out and you wipe a stray tear away, still trying to get your breathing back as you clasp your hand in his. All you thought he was going to do was push himself up, not pull you in.

“Tom–”

Then you were in the mud too, landing right on top of him. Your hands sunk into the muck which was anything but warm, coating themselves in the dirt before a heavy gasp left your lips, spots of mud decorating your cheeks.

Your laughs stopped, mouth falling open and shut like a fish as you took in the sight of your clothes lathered in ick and it stunk– dear god it stunk but not even a second later you took a hand full of dirt and dropped it on Toms clothed chest, turning the white tee a deeper shade of brown. You shouldn’t have been surprised and if you were watching instead of laughing then you would’ve seen him pull you in.

Still, the thought doesn’t plague your mind for too long because seconds later your hands are back in the mud collecting another handful.

“You’ve started a war you won’t win.” He threatens, a smirk forming on his features. Dirt sits at the corner of his mouth.

“Try me, Holland.”

He dumped mud directly on top of your head, strands of hair now highlighted the same colour of the muck you were still sitting in, back coated too from rolling off of him. Instead of getting annoyed, your chest erupted in giggles.

You felt like a child again, throwing mud back and forth with your siblings when your parents weren’t watching and Tom felt like… he felt like a different person. Because the prince would never do something this dirty just for fun.

With mud slathered all over his hands, Tom places one hand on your cheek gently creating a handprint on your face. You were both covered in the stuff. Your clothing may as well be thrown out and your hair would need some serious care but the smile on both of your faces was enough for it to be worth it.

The sun beat down on the two of you as you continued to layer each other in mother nature's gift, screwing your noses up at the sight of each other but that didn’t stop you.

Tom felt his cheeks flush at the sight of you so carefree but doubted it was noticeable beneath the mud. He basked in your giggles, the way your eyes squeezed shut as you wiped any dirt away from your eyes. You were happy and so was he.

There was no camera flashing or expectations to be held. It was just the two of you like it had been the first night and Tom had to stop and realise- this was the girl he’d spent the night with, giggling over glasses of wine and cheap alcohol.

It was carefree, bittersweet.

Then you were sitting there, both winding down and panting, the odd laugh still slicing through the silence and neither of you could even think about what you’d be going back to tomorrow. The next news line or obstacle you’d have to overcome was forgotten.

“What do we do now?” You sigh, taking in the site of both you and Tom covered head to toe in mud. If your mother were home, she would have lost it with both of you. You’d both be in the corner.

You looked the same way you smelt.

Tom screws his nose up, trying not to laugh at the sight of you with mud prints on both cheeks. “We smell disgusting.”

“Come on, we’ll use the shower before my family gets home– and not together!” You offer, beginning to force yourself out of the muck, noticing how his face changed from suggestive to blunt.

He felt something new.

“Damn it,” Tom mutters under his breath, fighting to urge to pull you back in. He didn’t want to go too far. “It was worth a shot.”

“Keep trying, maybe one day you’ll get there.”

That newfound feeling was hope.

The shower was… difficult to say the least.

You had to stand and watch the clear water turn a sickly shade of brown as it hit the floor and ran down the drain, clumps of dirt and shreds of grass following closely behind. It made you grimace but lathering yourself in the coconut scented soap and finally feeling clean again was worth it.

You step out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped just above your breasts and hair down naturally wet after the shower.

Tom glances up once– only once, then he directed his gaze back down to the book he was reading. It was clearly one from your bookshelf and by the looks of things he looked pretty into it, or at least he was pretending to be.

Your bookshelf was full and he wondered if you’d ever actually read a single one of them or if they were just for display.

It wasn’t the book in hand that shocked you but the fact that he wasn’t staring you down, his eyes weren’t filled with a certain hunger and instead they were focused on the pages of the teen romance novel. He was showing basic respect and it shocked you.

“Aren’t going to look? I’m practically naked?” You taunt, reaching into one of your draws. The plush, white towel rides up your thighs.

He shakes his head, keeping his eyes on the pages. “I’m not that bad, you know?” Tom chuckles. His hair was still wet from his own shower, hanging over his forehead in unkempt curls, wet and a darker shade then normal.

“I had a hunch,” You shrug. “Just a little bit surprised is all.”

He wore your brother's clothes, simply a plain grey tee and jeans and you’d admit that you thought he looked better in actual colours but he also looked good in the more– normal, everyday clothing.

And actually seeing him fitting in with your family made your heart flutter, stomach twisting and churning.

It actually felt weird to see a boy in your childhood bedroom– a boy that was used to so much more then a shoebox-sized room and a single bed. He was probably shocked by the little amount of furniture because of course you didn’t have a three-person couch in the corner or your own fireplace for when it got really cold.

But he did fit in, you knew that much.

You duck into the bathroom to throw your clothes on and put your hair up in the towel to dry it off, not wanting to deal with pesky drops of water running down the back of your neck and walk back into your bedroom. He was still in the same place.

“My family should be back soon and we could get going if you want?” You offer, tugging the oversized shirt down your thighs.

Tom glances up, placing the book down beside him. “Why don’t we take your mother's offer and stay the night? I mean I can take the couch and we can just head back tomorrow. It’s what? Half five anyway and the ride back would easily take an hour.”

“Are you sure you want to do that?”

“Yeah, if you want to that is.”

You furrow your brows, silently pleased that he had put that offer on the table. You had missed your family and staying a night would do you good. Maybe it’d do Tom some good too.

“Okay, Romeo, we’ll stay here tonight and be on the road by eight tomorrow?”

“Eight sounds good.” He smiles innocently, legs folded on the bed crisscross and you notice a scarred line down one of his temples beneath the light, a little imperfection that you wouldn’t have normally noticed.

There were those few exterior imperfections that you’d picked up on like that scar and his eyebrow– the one that was a little wonky compared to the other and his height you’d picked up on. He seemed to want to be taller then he was.

But you didn’t have an issue with any of it.

Of course you had your own flaws too and even thinking about them made you want to duck cover and hide. But Tom was slowly picking up on them. He’d be lying if he said he minded.

That night Tom slept on the couch in the living room with a selection of sheets over the top of him and a woollen duvet. For someone who had never slept on a couch in his life, he slept like a baby and you? You spent a solid hour staring at the ceiling before finally drifting off.

Tom felt a sense of comfort, draped in not only the blankets but a sense of comfort. He didn’t worry that people were watching him– attempting to pry out a secret or expose him to the world and he slept soundly that night.

It was a seven am wake up.

The sun streamed through the thin blinds, pulling Tom from a rather deep sleep and quite literally, forcing him out of bed. He wouldn’t admit that he fell from the bed with a tumble, hitting the ground with a heavy thud.

He neatly folded the blankets given and straightened out the pillows, making the place look presentable and sat and waited for you to come in. He flicked through papers, tried out different seating positions tried to force him back to sleep before he heard the living room door open and stumbled up, turning to see you looking beyond tired– he feared to ask why.

You grumbled a good morning, hugging the fuzzy robe to your chest and trudged to the kitchen. Tom followed loosely behind much like a lost puppy.

“So, the plan today? We leave at around eight and you dropping me straight home? Because I’m tired and don’t feel like dressing up for your parents again– as fun as it was prancing around in a dress last time.” You laugh lightly, voice slightly raspy.

But Tom doesn’t mind it.

“Yeah I can drop you straight home, we can try and avoid the paps but there is something I need to ask.”

For some reason he felt nervous to ask, utterly unsure as to what your answer would be. Of course you’d only known each other for just over a week but the media had suspected around a month or more.

And as a royal things were expected to move fast.

Then your mother walks in.

“Morning you two.”

Your mum sounds as tired as ever, the bags under her eyes evident and hair thrown around messily– much like yours. She wasn’t cherry, never being a morning person but you knew that she was happy to have you back even if it was just for one night.

Tom tenses.

“Morning Ms. Y/L/N, how’d you sleep?” Tom wraps his arms around your waist as he asks the question, pulling your back flush against his chest making you too look like a real couple. You tensed at the sudden physical act of affection, nearly dropping the butter knife but don’t.

It wasn’t the question he wanted to ask but It was one that made him look respectful. You feel his lips ghosting across your temple and for a moment bask in his gentle touch.

“Not well, Marcus kept me up in the night again.” She sighs, “I did sleep a little better though knowing that my daughter was back under my roof.”

You smile, though deep down you felt bad about the lie that you were carrying out. “You know you can come and visit me anytime you need to get away? I’m sure Kenny wouldn’t mind looking after the younger ones for a night or two.”

You’d completely forgotten about Toms question.

“You know I couldn’t, sweetheart, not when you’re finally really starting to live. You have a boyfriend now! And a prince too, that’s incredible.”

You feel a pang of guilt, the product of lying to the women that raised you and only manage to smile awkwardly. So you turn to Tom, craning your neck.

“Oh hey, what did you want to ask me?” You divert attention from her recent comment, feeling a stomach ache coming on.

He blinks a few times, feeling your mums warm gaze on the pair of you. “There’s a gala… yeah, a gala next week and I was wondering if you’d like to come as my date–fake date of course!”

You smile and take hold of his clasped hands– it added to the act. “As long as Harrison does my outfit again then I’m game.”

A gala meant being out in public with Tom as his girlfriend.

Please remember to reblog or send me an ask telling me what you thought of this chapter!! One reblog goes a long way :-)

PART 5

Everything tags: @cosmetologynerd @holland-ish @smexylemony @thewiseandfree @zendayacolemen @dej-okay @hollandsletters @ive-got-some-lies-to-tell @liz-gayllen @marvelismylifffe @lovelyh0lland @tomhollandandmarvelsworld @woah-jess @southsidefandoms @justannothermonday @its-claire-louise @sophiatomlinson23 @mockingjaygirl1221 @joyfullyjenny @damnhisfaceisliketheskyatnight @bride-of-loki-odinson @in-the-corner-coffee-please @futuremrsb-r-main @spideyyypeter @saturn-aka-six @c0prolalia @buckykinz @ashtonsbandannas @dennasaur @amyyleblanc1999 @fnosidam @randomfangirl1701@maybeandperhaps @acciorinn @marvel-language @micki-smiles @justmesadgirl @converseskyline @niall2017 @gavemylifetotomholland @tomuchmarvel @leslieandjensen @painted-soulss @practicallylivesonline @mischiefmanaged49 @its-the-unknownspidey @holyrose96 @for-my-mind @mlxbm @erindillon11 @captainbuckyy @shawnandhisroses @converseskyline @smitten0-0kitten @parkeroos @whileinparis @unicornio-vomita-mierdas @draqcnheartstrinq @rainyboo-posts @mikalaka @petxrpxrker @tony-starks-ego @thedaydreamingwriter @peter-quackson @kateelyse96 @lesbian-jesus-jr @wheresmyquill @elyshugh @hollanderheart @tomshufflepuff @marvelismylifffe @tomsh0lland @obsessed-fandoms @girl-in-the-chair @trashqueenbitch @dramatic-and-young @honey-honey-5644 @parkerluvs @chingonaconcha @captainbuckyy @jes-sica1 @tomsfireheart @Rainbow-marvel @spideysimpossiblegirl @spideys-gurl @thomasstanley-holland @mlxbm @ixchel-9275 @parkerssweb @peter-parkersbb @tom-hollands-eyelash @starlightfound @vldlvj @paradoxparker @lustfulcry @mlxbm @musiclover1263 @justatheatredork @peterparkerscamera @fandomnerdsarecool @thequeensardine @cutesy-angst @httplayer @mischiefmanaged49 @loca-lola @softboyparkerr @desir-ae @dangerousluv1 @t-hotland @laucontrerasv @peter-parkersbb @whatdafricklefrackle @thatblondebelgiangirl @fairydustparker @they-call-me-le @jamiemac26 @nephalem67 @underoos-tom @quaxon-holland @lovelyspidey @no-shxt-sherl @xlatinaaxx @starlightfound @mikexpeter @moonandstars-xo @httpmcrvel @evelyn120700 @fromheroestodust @hollandfieldblurbs @ghostlypandacolorpersona @spazclaiire @curlyhairedparker @josierosie @unicornio-vomita-mierdas @icondy @euphoricholland @desir-ae @lovelyspidey @thelazypangolin @ameeravioli @ramen-tically @mellifluous-tom @mrs-webslinger @krazykiara @scottyisthatyou

The price we pay: @ambiibambi24 @thiccholland01 @writingisamood @mountainsforwords @joyfullyje @sithskywalkers @youhavemyfantasticbeasts @ohmyquackson @nerfariousporpoises @httplayer @myhopeisinfinite @omfgitscindyy @hollandfieldblurbs @incandescentflor @mlxbm @thescarsweleave @justmesadgirl @dramatic-and-young @thescarsweleave @ramen-tically @a--smallgirlinabigworld @spacedoutsher @thiccholland01 @in-the-potterhead-know @marvelousxtsh @popluckbih @ctrlyouthmendes @vldlvj @peruvian-bae @heaveninholland @jld20047 @nikkipea @darlingtommy @everythingeverywherelistening @darlingtommy @sebastianlover14 @lesbian-jesus-jr @thestoryofsj @sebastianlover14 @growingthornz @reblogsfics

#tom holland #Tom Holland au #Tom Holland series #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland fanfic #Tom Holland x reader #Tom Holland x reader insert #Tom Holland x you #Tom Holland blurb #Tom Holland imagine #Tom Holland imagines #prince!tom #boyfriend!tom #marvel #Peter parker

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xenolithium · 5 years ago

Note

Oooh I’ve always wondered how the MM characters (excluding Saeyoung, Saeran and Vanderwood) would react to meeting Saehyun (I’m sorry I love him so much ;w;) !! I know this sounds like a weird request but I’m super curious lolol

Dude, weird? This request completely destroyed my heart and made me reread it multiple times in a state of pure bliss. Thank you so much! To know someone is interested in my OC means a lot to me. >w<

For those of you who don't know, Saehyun stars in a "what if" fanfiction that answers the question on if the Choi twins were actually triplets as well as how'd they'd react to meeting a brother who they didn't know about; and had been raised in a completely different environment, separate from them. Check it out here! (Unless you're a minor, 'cause it's pretty intense.)

-----

Yoosung + Saehyun:

Wait, Saeyoung, how many brothers do you have? Are you secretly hiding them? Are you being cloned?!

After the initial weirdness over their first meeting, these two get along pretty well. They're both in similar fields of study (medicine), so they constantly help each other out at school (mostly Saehyun, helping Yoosung, but let's just gloss over that fact). They're not going to the same university, however, but that doesn't matter in the slightest.

"Hey, Yoosung, would you pay attention?"

"Ah - ah sorry, what?"

Saehyun groans in irritation, "you should already know this..."

Though despite Saehyun's seriousness in his studies, he has no problem doing childish things and hanging out together when neither is busy. They go out to the movies, cry together like children, enjoy a trip to an amusement park, and other such things.

They're both very openly emotional and that gives them someone to vent to.

"Have you ever baked before?" Yoosung asks.

"No, but I should be able to do it!"

"Ahh, Saehyun it's burning!"

"The recipe told me to put it in for two hours!" It's not always Yoosung doing the learning, they learn from each other.

Also finally, Yoosung isn't the shortest in the group (aside from Jaehee). "I'm taller than you~"

"Shut up..."

They're both hugely into cheesy romance, so prepare for the constant fan filled chatter between these two. "What did you think of that final confession?" "I thought it was so cute!"

Saehyun buys him a lot of extremely expensive gifts that really overwhelm him sometimes. "Ah! Why?!" "Because I thought you needed it?"

He also sucks at video games, so you can bet Yoosung coerces him into trying LOLOL with him.

"Ugh, this game is stupid!"

The blonde laughs at his failed attempts to defeat a boss monster.

Is it possible to be the lowest ranking player on a server? Because that's probably where he is.

Zen + Saehyun:

He's a little weirded out and maybe slightly nervous. He thought after the whole fiasco with Saeran, that would be the last time something this crazy happens. But no...Saeyoung, that guy...

Saehyun ends up chatting with him amicably and he finds his initial hesitance has disappeared. Oh, he seems like a pretty normal person, except for the fact his (adoptive) family is rich...

That fact kind of irks him for a while, but usually he can look past it when the two share a beer (or maybe four) and a ton of laughs.

They hang out on occasion and go for a few drinks every so often and Saehyun totally adores his musicals. He's also nice eye candy, how could you blame him?

Saehyun also constantly feeds Zen's ego with constant compliments and acknowledgment of his comments towards his appearance. Hey, this dude isn't half bad. He has good taste, anyway.

"You looked really handsome in the selfie you posted today," the redhead says.

"I know~" for some reason it feels nice when he hears it from a friend. The word narcissist is never tacked on to Saehyun's sentences.

Jumin + Saehyun:

Jumin takes everything in stride so although underneath his stoic exterior the information of a third Choi is a surprise, he doesn't outwardly show it.

These two are like opposite sides of a coin. Jumin keeps his emotions bottled away and Saehyun is so forthright with displaying them that it's startling sometimes. But they sort of fit together in that sense.

Both of them have similar backgrounds so they can relate to each other on that level.

And a night of sipping wine and chatting, sounds lovely for these two.

"I read this romance novel recently..."

"hmmm..." They don't necessarily agree on everything, but they get along just fine in the chatroom.

Jaehee + Saehyun:

The first meeting was a surprise for sure, in fact she had mistaken him for both of his brothers before it dawned on her.

"What?" With a clear look of surprise.

"Yeah, that was my reaction too," he laughs.

For the most part, she's pretty neutral in regards to him. He seems normal enough to her and she worries about him just like any of her other friends (RFA members).

Though they sometimes "fangirl" over Zen together, so they've got that; and Saeyoung occasionally joins in for funsies.

"Hey, Jaehee, I bought you some of the exclusive merchandise from Zen's last performance."

"Really?"

----

Thank you, so, so much for this request @random-fandoms-afv2! It's just a small list of HCs but I had so much fun doing this! Thank you again for showing interest in my OC and my fanfic!

Got your own request? Feel free to send an ask over to my ask box. Multiples from the same person are more than welcome!

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klimp42 · 6 years ago

Text

Metroid (NES) Retrospective: A Look Back on a Classic

So with Tumblr deciding that naughty bits are no longer allowed on their site, let's look back at one of the first sexy ladies for huge nerds and degenerates, Samus Aran! Bet you thought I was going to talk about Lara Croft, no we are going back to the oldest of schools, with a lady that most people probably didn’t know was a lady when they first played it in ‘86.

Alright, now I know it might be weird to talk about a review and retrospective in a game that is not only 30+ years old, but has been made non-canon in the Metroid story with the remake Metroid Zero Mission being a thing, but trust me I have reasons for wanting to review this. The first reason is that a friend of mine gave me a NES Classic as a Christmas gift, second I am a huge fan of Metroid and have always wanted to play the original, and third I thought up that opening line and thought it would be funny, I know its okay at best, but shut up. So for this little retro review, I am going to break this down into three categories, story, gameplay and legacy.

When it comes to the story of Metroid, it has the same level of complexity to the story as any other NES game from the time, if you just play the game and don’t bother to look into the booklet, its a game about a person going around shooting things and doing flips and then they fight a thing in a jar and escape from a timed bomb. Yet, like a lot of games from the time, the way to get the story was to read, as there simply wasn’t enough space on the cartridges to have a bunch of text and images next to a game of this magnitude at this stage of the consoles life (I say that because games like Castlevania III eventually did just this only 3 years later). So lets break down this galactic tale of a bounty hunter fighting life-sucking aliens and a supercomputer that controls them.

In the far-flung year of 2000, all of the planets came together to make the Galactic Federation, and things were good till a bunch of dick aliens decided to be Pirates of The Carribean in Space and just cause all kinds of space problems. The space 5-0 were super bad at there job so the Galactic Federation created Space Hunters, who were way better at stopping Space Johnny Depp. So while all of these things are happening the space cops find a small egg of an unknown life form on the planet SR388 (which is actually super important and is the location of the 2nd game), and it is believed for no reason other than plot that this small egg probably is the reason the civilization on SR388 was destroyed. So the spacops and the galactic boys decide that this should be brought in for studies, but Captain Hook in space decide it would be pretty dope to have something that might have destroyed a whole civilization, so they can have a biological weapon to rip apart the galaxy, yeah jokey names aside the space pirates are actually really evil for the sake of being evil. So the spirates run off to their main hideout on the planet Zebes and the Galactic Federations men can’t get in so they call on their better fighters, the space hunters, well specifically Samus Aran, a cyborg who strikes fear in the space pirates and is a “man” with a mystery, that mystery being that he has no wangus and is a woman.

Well the only thing left for the story is what I already said, Samus enters the planet Zebes and has to go kick the brainy ass of Mother Brain and destroy any Metroids she finds, what was inside the small egg thing found on planet SR388, that have been awakened and multiplied by the pirates in space. So let's move onto the gameplay of Metroid, which is simple when you look at just the base controls. You can run, jump, and shoot a short distance at enemies with the ability to eventually be able to swap with the select button between rockets and normal energy shots. Yet this game led to the creation of an all-new gameplay style of side-scrolling and backtracking over huge areas, which sounds like a whatever concept, but it is honestly really fun...for some reason, that genre being Metroidvania, the vania coming from the Castlevania franchise. I am simplifying it, honestly, you have tight controls and upgrades to your arsenal as you play, things like the Varia suit to lower the amount of damage that you take, long shot and Ice beam to shoot your shots farther and freeze enemies in place. You also have upgrades that change gameplay like the morph ball (or the Maur Mari as its called in this for some reason) which morphs you into a ball that can get into small places and the ability to drop bombs in that ball form, the high jump that makes you do just that, and the screw attack that is used to say I would like to not shoot things that aren't bosses or Metroids anymore. Seriously the screw attack, like it is in most Metroid games, is just so good, just jump and kill everything.

Alright, so controls is one bit but what about the actual game, so it is interesting, especially being in a unique location like planet Zebes, the music is a bop, just a straight heater of a soundtrack, and the fun of hidden blocks and rooms that let you get the feeling that you are exploring through a labyrinthian planet. However, problems do show up really quickly, first thing being when you start a game you only have 30 health, alright that's tough but okay the first area's enemies in the corridor before Brinstar don’t hit to hard so it isn’t too bad. But then you find you first Energy tank which fully heals you and adds a pip to your health, so now instead of a cap of 99 health, you have 198 health, sick!. So you keep playing, maybe you go to far and hit were Ridley is, one of the bosses and poster boys for the franchise, shit you died, so you’re sent back to the start of Ridley’s area and what’s this? Your health is back at 30, which sucks but also you need to now hit a cap of 198 instead of 99! Though this becomes less of an issue as you get more E tanks, but man does it suck in the beginning to just be like oh cool this sucks. Like I get it, this is NES hard, enemies are bullshit on purpose to hide the fact that you can beat this game in less than an hour if you know what you are doing. Speaking of enemies, damn do they look super cool or super dumb, with the top of the spectrum being the Metroids themselves or Mother Brain, and the bottom being the weird ball things in Ridley’s place, Ridley himself, or those damn Cheerios ( just google Metroid cheerios if you don’t know what I’m talking about). The enemies in this game range from slowly moving annoyance to this homing at me bullshit is getting on my last nerve, so expect to take alot of hits from both of them.

Traversing around the game is alot of fun and it feels greet, but there is a little bit of a problem if you want to play this game now, see in the 80’s you had this like outline of where you where going, an idea of what to expect in the next area, cool right? Well that was in the booklet you got when you bought the game, no such thing in the NES classic or on the Switch’s NES collection. So unless you have a damn good memory you are probably going to want to pull up a map that you can use for your first time, or you might get lost, or maybe you are way better at the whole keeping track of yourself then I am and you don’t need a map.

Now, what is a game without boss fights right? So let's talk about some of, and by some I mean the three total boss fights in the game. For this let's go in order of easiest to hardest to get to, in my opinion, so Kraid, Ridley and then Mother Brain. So Kraid in this game is way smaller than he is from every other time he has, or I guess, will show up in Metroid titles, he is about the size of Samus and also from some reason there is a second one of him in his lair. His attack is what it is for all of his games, he shoots spikes from his chest and throws energy talon things, you just have to hit him to damage him, but it's difficult because he has the whole chest spike things blocking your shoots so you have to let him shoot and then land some hits. Ridley is only like his future self because he can shoot fire out of his mouth, but that's it and sometimes he will only shoot in a huge arc so you just close the distance and this boy is easy as hell to put down. The final boss of the game is Mother Brain and good god is she hard to just take down, one getting to her is the world’s biggest chore, and there is so many cheerios hitting you that trying to shoot missiles into that small window to attack her just sucks, and to get to her you have yo take down this glass tubes that regain health as you dont damage them, so you either get through really quickly, or it takes a thousand years. Also make sure you don’t in the last fight because it is back to the start of Tourian with 30 health, yay. Listen, the game has some hard fights when it comes to the bosses, except for Ridley, but it is still enjoyable to beat them and if you take the time to learn the fights it is actually really easy to exploit them, like Ridley.

Okay, so you beat Mother Brain and the only thing left to do is run to the surface of Zebes to escape it before it explodes, you do it and if you beat the game in less than 5 hours, you get to see the biggest twist in gaming, Samus is a girl! And if you beat the game in less than 3 hours you get to see her in her famous Zero Suit, and if you do it in less than an hour you get to see her in Bikini, a reward for only the most experienced gamer boys and girls! This game is rough, it's clear to see where the love of the game came from, it was unique for the time and it shows, the Metroid franchise has grown and improved with each entry, except for Other M, and was one of the reasons that the Metroidvania genre even exists.

So would I recommend playing this game? If you like classic NES games then yeah I would recommend it and if you have a Switch and just want to play the ending of the game there is a special version that starts you with all upgrades at the fight with Ridley. Also if you are a fan who has never played this game before, I would say that you should give the grandfather of the franchise a try. Now if you don’t really like old NES games or you just want to see the story of the first game, I would recommend just playing Metroid Zero Mission, it’s a complete remake of the first game with better controls and it's much easier, and if you enjoy it you could go from there to the original Metroid, or just play the franchise from there!

#metroid #nes #review #retrospective #gaming #samus aran #ridley metroid #classic #retro #switch

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thebrotherscupheadandmugman · 7 years ago

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Double Z’s Fourth Follower Forever!!

Four hundred. Four hundred followers. When did I start this blog? December 13, 2017. That’s four months. Four months. My mind is literally blown rn guys. Ever since I was young, my only dream was to make people smile. I literally cannot even fathom that my words make at least 400 people do that. If you literally told me as a child that I would enjoy writing, I would never have believed you.

Anyway, the follower forever is going under the cut this time, because the last thing I want is to clog people’s dashes asdghjk

Let’s start things off with the blog that inspired me to join the rpc in the first place. They were recommended to me while I was more active on my Team Skull OC blog, and I would see their writing and was inspired to join once I knew I wanted to write for Cuphead. Miles of @gamblingcxp @playerxwo @islandkitsu @team-strife @vulpinewarrior and probably more that I can’t think of! Miles is honestly such a sweet heart, and such a supportive bean! I wouldn’t be anywhere close to where we stand now with out them! They deserve all the love and support in the world!!

Next is @plate-of-blins! Some of y’all know how selective I am with OC’s, but Blinchik is so creative and the mun is a freakin’ cinnamon roll! Not to mention clever and smart! English is well known to be one of the hardest second languages to learn, yet she speaks it so fluently and comprehensively! She probably speaks it better than some people who are native English speakers! Her and her OC deserve more love and attention!!

@djimmi-the-great-and-powerful. I’ve gotta be honest. Back in December, Djimmi was a somewhat forgettable boss for someone who hadn’t played it yet. I usually remembered bosses from their music after I bought the soundtrack, and Pyramid Peril was probably my least favorite. But now Djimmi’s a character I really love! Puphead too! You will absolutely adore their Puphead! Sweet wooden boi!! Mun is just an absolutely fantastic person too! Whether you need someone to laugh and make fart jokes with, or you need someone to give you advise, djimmi-the-great-and-powerful is a great partner and friend!! Mun also runs @askredwoodfamily and @the-devils-waiter

@askcupheadthings. Sweet boi. Sweet mun. Whether you need some angst in you life or ketchup, Taco Taako has got you freakin’ covered!! What can I really say about Taco Taako that hasn’t already been said? We may have disagreeing headcanons, but the fact that they are willing to make compromises and work with their partner is glorious! I personally think that’s what every partner should do when it comes to familial characters! Not only that, but they will go out of their way to make sure their partner is comfortable, which is so so important and admirable!! Taako also runs @boristwolf @agentlemanlyscientist @devilish-dishes @merman-cuphead @barry-boxington-the-box-kid @a-home-for-broken-mugs and @the-real-clockwork-queen

I know that @easyriches is on hiatus until they get out of school, but their mun is the frickin’ best! They’re so supportive and will never fail to make you laugh. Or scream. Usually at memes. Heck, they managed to start a war over “Milk and Cookies” vs “Cookie and Milk”...needless to say, I ended up firing them from cookies. They also combined Squeesh and Cronch to create ‘squonch,’ which I later found out upon listening to the sound effect for Goopy’s fight that it was the perfect onomatopoeia for a slime getting crushed by a tombstone falling from the sky. Who knew?

@cutieunderthesea is such a love honestly! I know we don’t talk or interact much, but I seriously love them, and love seeing them pop up in my activity feed! English is also their second language, but you probably wouldn’t have guessed that if they didn’t say so on their blog!! They’re much smarter than me, and they’re also learning how to code and stuff, which I think is really cool! They also run @sent-from-above

@dxmonsxcarnival is such a great friend that looks out for you!! I genuinely feel bad that our threads tend to get dropped before they even get started, but honestly, even if you don’t role-play much they are still a great person to talk to! I mean they keep a folder of cat images for their internet friends when they need a pick-me-up! How awesome and thoughtful is that?! They also run @shyxbrotherxmxgman and @scaredxsightless

@bashfulreptile and I haven’t known each other long, but I really like the way they portray the dragon bean!! I hope we talk more and have more threads in the future!!

@do-or-dice and I think so much alike when it comes to striving for accuracy of the times!! I even headcanon that the events in the game take place in 1934, making this blog take place in 1935- which just so happens to also be the same year that they write in! They’re super fun to share headcanons with too! I know I suck at talking friend, but I hope we interact more in the future!!

@inthediehouse aka @hornedheathen! So much potential for angst! I know I haven’t interacted with you Dice much, but I hope to change that at some point!! I really love our threads together and I hope these two fools can butt heads more in the future!!

@devilishcrybaby I know we haven’t known each other long as well, nor have we had many consistent threads, but I can just tell we’ll get along just great!!

@cala-marix is such a sweetheart too! Sweet and caring! I’m so glad whenever I see them on my dash no matter what blog they’re using! Whenever I see cat photos on my dash I can’t help but think of them! Good friend! They also run @rxmor-honeybottomx

I think this’ll be my cutoff on saying nice things because it’s been almost two hours since I started this I think. I’m only going to mention their personal since they run so many Cuphead side-blogs and I don’t know them all. I know they caused a bit of controversy a little while back, but given their young age, I’d say it’s more than excusable, and definitely worth giving them a second chance. @eye-tossing-ghostie is really such a nice person to talk to- again even if you don’t end up doing much role-playing. They’re kind and caring and they try their best to be calm and understanding. They really do mean well, and I think they deserve more patience than I see them get. They really are a nice kid, but they’re still growing an learning. I consider them a friend, even if we don’t talk or interact much.

Hold on to your butts cuz we ain’t done yet.

Cuphead: @impvlsive-gxmblcr @porcelainjokers @confidentcuphead @twocupsandacontract (I believe I’ve mentioned the others I’ve interacted with already?)

Mugman: @merrymugsy @porcelainjokers @twocupsandacontract(Again I’ve already mentioned the rest)

King Dice: @six-sided-sinner @snakeiis @gamest-intheland @diceptixn

Root Pack: @psycarota

Goopy le Grande: @bnlgoopywooper

Cagney Carnation: @getouttatherosebush @txtaldomination @twocupsandacontract @sillycxrnxtion

Ribby&Croaks: @wrongsidefthelilyp4d

Hilda Burg: @a-threatenin-zeppelin

Djimmi the Great: @its-your-pal-djimmi

Baroness Von Bon Bon: @notyoursugarqueen

Wally Jr: @juniorwarbles

Beppi the Clown: @inkwellharlequin (Mentioned the rest I believe?)

Brineybeard: @drunkensxilor

Cala Maria: @highseachighjinxs (mentioned the rest)

Werner Werman: @muriinecorps @vermin-veteran @rat-in-a-can

Dr. Khal: @whoyougonnakahl

Phantom Express: @blxndspxctcr

Casino Bosses: @wheezycigar @rxssian-roulette @poker-chip-cowboy @melty-8ball

Devil: @casinx @whenyouareevil (I know there’s way more but I either can’t find them or already mentioned them)

Demon Cups/Mugs: @goodmugbadmug @diabolical-ceramics

OCs: @cxrtoon-hxnter @saltyocsrp @hellssecretary @doggone-doneit @claireinette @polaroidxcamera @williamstripes @rollthediceheads @drumline-doom @cupfull-o-muses

Whew!! That was a lot!! Now some may be missing because I have the memory of a gnat, and others may have gone on hiatus. There were a couple of people on here that I was going to mention but then I remembered they were on hiatus for one reason or another. So if I mentioned a blog that’s no longer active, I really apologize for that. If I forgot to mention you, I also apologize for that.

That being said, that y’all so much again for 400!! Next follower forever happens at 800!! We can totally do this guys!! I love you all so much!

~ Double Z))

#Out of Luck #400 Followers!#Double Z's Follower Forever #((I can't say enough thanks because all of y'all are amazing!!))

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overcaffeinated-creative · 7 years ago

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Solus Vetra, Modern AU

Title: I have the Best Work Stories Ever

Rating: T

Characters: Unnamed New Guy, Solus Vetra, Pre Vizsla, Akaan Kast

Summary: A new guy gives a first person run down of the wildest day in his blossoming Kyr’tsad career. Solus shows off what makes her a total badass. Assume they’re operating within an American HQ.

Notes: This was inspired by the introduction scene of Natasha in Iron Man 2. You know the one. There’s a lampshade for it.

Being the New Guy always sucked. If there is someone to be blamed for something going wrong it will be you. Food and coffee runs also became your job without your approval. The really sadistic bastards made up things for you to find on wild snipe hunts to supposedly find. No one cared if you have known each other half your damned lives (looking at you, Conner, who has shared my room for ever family thing since birth) because you are Fresh Meat. If leaving out key information could result in something funny they just had to do it. Because all that matters in the end is there’s a new di’kut around HQ to be tormented until the next batch arrives.

Take for example, no one telling me that Vizsla’s personal assistant was one of those vode. Basic warnings were given (because they’re all shebs but they’re not intentionally malicious shebs) about how things ran. Careful with the loud noises if her name is highlighted red on our intra-communication network, don’t mind the black Husky in the service vest (his name is Sen and they openly argue with each other), and the sweet black and silver Cadillac CTS V in the parking lot is hers. It was to be given a wide berth and never, ever startle her when she’s getting in or out. Things can (and do) go sideways with sparks.

Getting to their sheb quality was no one ever braced me for what she looks like. See, Solus Vetra is one of those bathed-in-the-blood-of-the-Ka’ra, born-in-a-fiery-burst-reeking-of-Mandokarla, my-loyalty-is-only-to-the-true-Manda’lor names. Anyone who knows their history knows Aliit Vetra was one of those old school families; as in ancient old school. The kind that is (still) dripping money, are very proud of being Mandalorian, and who have the past to make Renaissance Borgia look tame and never got caught doing any of it. So, this petite, smoking hot, white haired, Asian chick was not who I pegged for Solus Vetra. (In fact, I found out my pick for Solus Vetra out of seeing the Higher Ups was actually Bo-Katan Kryze...a different level of Traditionalist asskicker but not the PA) Every single time I had seen Vetra she was dressed to the nines, wearing labels even I know mean Wealth, and darting around with her face buried in a tablet and wearing this tweaked Google Glass display. Basically, I would have bought her as one of the Duchess’ people before Vizsla’s...well ever. There was too much Silicon Valley Tech Start Up in her look.

Assuming makes an ass out of you and me as the saying went.

Near a month into my tenure with the company was when the Day of Reckoning all went down. In the span of three hours she went from Pepper Potts with her unruly boss and love of art to Natasha Romanoff with everything you would expect of the world’s best spy. (Seriously, I want to know if we have a Black Widow Program and if that’s where we found her. Because she is scary.) First, came The Argument with the Boss that would have made a lesser man piss himself. Few hours later, she popped up in the gym sparking The Beat Down to her vocal heckler. It cemented her as Certified Badass in my mind and shot her to the top of my “Never Ever Fuck With” List.

The Argument was held in an adjacent meeting room to the fourth floor supply closet at 10:23 AM. I was down there looking for this weirdly specific ink cartridge for our satanic printer when this feeling of doom washed over me. I swear the room dropped ten degrees while clicking suddenly picked up. It was like gearing up for a boss fight in the wrong area of a video game. You just knew shit was about to go down and it was not going to go in your favor at all. Instead of some kind of insectoid monster making the noise it was the rapid fire click of $1200 USD, real python pumps (I got curious enough to Google how much her red soled kicks cost and the answer is more than my rent) beating down on the tile floor with a Purpose.

I have to say a Smart Man would have waited for the danger to pass and ran away. This is where I say I am not a smart man. Di’kut is the right title for me because I stayed to eavesdrop...and maybe a little (a lot) of stunned silence freezing me into place. See, she cornered ‘Alor in the recently emptied meeting room with this chilled civility. I heard the door close with this crisp professionalism (how is that even possible?) before she started reaming him.

It turned out Vetra was a Smart Person because she had a lot of languages to yell in. I lost track of the clearly individual ones after the five mark. Whatever he did (I speak English and Mando’a with some passable Spanish to her rapid fire Everything) it had to have been bad if she was suicidal enough for this. Everyone, and I mean everyone, knows Vizsla can be a giant kad when he feels like and he always feels like it. When he started yelling back I had the kneejerk reaction to go help her. Again, Vetra is Small and I am a Dumbass. Before I could move, her voice shot up a couple more decibels in the angriest (and I had Dred Priest overseeing part of my training) Mando’a to have ever been uttered. Then it was drop a pin and hear it echo for eternity silent.

Conner sent three texts while I was holding my post (and my breath) behind several stacks of xerox paper. Just to keep him from blowing my cover I shot back it was taking a while to dig around and he left me alone. It was a good thing because without their yelling-and with my luck-I would have gotten busted. Until this, I would have picked getting busted by Vetra...every time really. I knew what she looked like smiling in a good mood without someone dying. A’lor only smiled when things were going to shit for someone else. Now...now it was way harder. Since she had the gett’se to get in the Manda’lor’s face and live. But, he was not only a giant kad but one who could survive her wrath. I had no winning options except to hope for a mercy kill from a heart attack or something.

My internal strife stopped when I heard them pass by the closet door and they were...laughing? What in the hell had I missed falling down that rabbit hole? Twenty minutes ago she threatened to cut his gett’se off and parade them around with the stick he kept up his ass. Now, they were friends? What kind of fucking magic did he just pull? Could I learn it? Holy Shit. Pre Vizsla knew how to laugh? Without murder and chaos raining down around him? What kind of magic did she have?

Keeping it on the safe side I waited another ten minutes to return to my desk.

Witnessing The Beat Down was one of the best things to happen in my twenty years of living. Seriously, it came straight out of a movie it was so unbelievably awe-inspiring to see. Angels sang, the lights of the heavens shined down, and I watched the best ass kicking to have ever went down this year and possibly ever. A little digging around and the offer of enough uj cake even got me a full on video of the event. It makes the bad days better in twenty-five seconds.

Everything kicked off when I stopped by our gym when my shift ended at one. The shellshock from overhearing The Argument kept my head shoved pretty firmly up my ass. (I mean, that had to go down in some kind of history right? PA owns Manda’lor with words alone. It was going down in my history.) Conner picked up on something being off enough to leave my ink cartridgeless ass alone. I think he assumed I walked in something I shouldn’t see. Namely that nympho from Recruitment climbing some of the ground team guys...again. Why in the hell he was into men who could pass for hockey goalies, missing teeth and all, I would never know...fucking Canadian.

Somewhere between changing into workout gear and returning to the main room Vetra had shown up. Okay. I mean, I guess anyone could work out here and she was a Vetra? I had to assume she had at least basic self defense training. That had always been a huge part of the Mando Culture, especially with the Traditionalists. On second glance, I saw she was still in her outfit of the day. She even had her tablet with the intention of getting Kast to sign something. That made way more sense. Yeah, she would square off verbally with her boss but this would not be a verbal battle. Knowing how to defend herself was important; throwing the ground forces around moved away from that. It went more into the, “This is going to horribly wrong. Why are you brushing up the Basics with them?” because they could break her.

Remember, how I said I’m a dumbass and not to make assumptions? This is a good time to remember that I am one because I made the same mistake twice.

But, so was Akaan Kast.

See, Akaan Kast was a cycle ahead of me in training with a reputation for being both a bully and a show off. He thought because he was directly assigned to a company in HQ he was a Big Deal. “Kasts are always around the most powerful," he liked to brag, “Because we are the most powerful and recognize our own.” However, that did not get him an invitation into the Nite Owls or the A’lor’s personal company. Both ate him alive even if he refused to acknowledge it. (If I toasted the gods for that good fortune a few different nights no one had to know.) He also had this Thing for trying to impress Traditionalist girls. (Don’t ask me what it was because I tuned it out every time he tried to pontificate on the subject.) Plus, Priest liked the guy and that is all anyone needs to know.

Point was Kast was being up to his usual antics and Vetra was taking None of It. Everything in her body language screamed “Predator ready to maul a man’s face off” masked behind this stone cold smile. Picturing her with pinned back ears and bared fangs looked too right. All she wanted was him to sign something on her tablet but he was being Difficult. The last man who made her life Difficult was chewed up and spit out with words alone. This was going to be funny as hell to witness.

“Kast, sign,” she huffed while jabbing the tablet into his chest. “Then we both can get back to our jobs.”

“You can call me Akaan and I’ll call you Solus,” he started off in complete ignorance. Except not. He clearly knew he was riling her up. “What if we trade instead? You get a true combat lesson then I’ll sign.”

“Kast, do you damn job. Sign now. That’s an order.”

“Can you really give orders as a personal assistant? Thought you job was to fetch coffee and answer phones.”

All eyes were sneaking glances at them by this point but no one was stepping in. I was a little confused. Some of these people had to have been around when Vetra first come through. Some of them even looked amused at her being hassled. I knew Kyr’tsad had a Reputation but I thought taking care of their own was part of it. Letting Kast be a kad to their own wasn’t taking care of her.

“If I’m echoing an order of the Manda’lor I can.”

“Just a fifteen minute lesson? It's been a while since you've been out in the field. Wanna make sure you can keep that pretty little head on.” I gagged at this point. How disgusting could someone be? How could he thing this was even going to work in his favor? Was she supposed to be impressed with his only okay muscles and terrible (Ba’buir would call it Americanized) attitude? Did he really think insults would work?

“Fine.”

Anyone who has ever met another human being knows fine is past “Fuck You” on the Scale of Responses. But, Kast looked pleased with himself while Vetra pointedly left most of her belongings on a bench. Which was a lot of belonging to just be moving around the office. Tablet, Goggle Glass, ear piece, earrings, watch, bracelet, shoes, cell phone, suit jacket, and top shirt? I guess if I paid that much (I had no idea the real price but I could only imagine) for a button up I would avoid getting it dirty too. Course I’d never pay who knows how much for a shirt no matter how soft it was.

I edged closer to their makeshift ring to see what was going down. Fantastic choice on my part. See, Kast made some off-handed comment about the cutesy tattoo he could see through her undershirt. He asked what it was prompting her to offer a clear view; a colorful Barn Owl nestled on her hip. Here, Barn Owls had a special meaning because they were only for the Nite Owls. The Nite Owls, being Kryze’s personal team of unmatched Spec Ops ghosts who could probably destabilize an entire first world country over night or something ridiculous. So, Huge Deal.

I put several fragments of thoughts together all at once; Kast did not. He asked why she had that Mark of Honor. Made some vague comment about why it was important “just a personal assistant” could not just wear it around. As the cherry on top he even tried to lecture her on the rules and demanded it be removed. I could detect the jealousy in his voice. He wanted one of those tattoos and would never get one.

Have you ever seen a six foot, three inch wall of could have been Alabama linebacker get his ass handed to him by about five feet and some change of definitely could be a model? I just did. It. Was. Awesome.

Before he could finish his spiel she had him on the ground. Not with dirty shots, simple but effective basics, or even an unexpectedly lucky flail. Hell no. It was like watching absolute poetry in motion. A twist of the hand in front of her face, launching her body up and over his arm to flip him forward, with his neck trapped between her thighs and his arm pinned. That held down hand looked like it was really hurting with the way she had it twisted. Everything Solus Vetra did in that moment was built to show the fuck off. When I said Natasha Romanoff I meant it.

He tapped out and she waited a few seconds longer before releasing him to gracefully rise. “Your lesson got my suit dirty. I’ll have payroll deduct the dry cleaning costs from your next check. Providing there is one of course.” In a flash she popped back up while he remained sprawled in an undignified heap. Hands on her hips, red lips pulled into a feral smile she looked down at him, “I’m the Alii'alor of Vetra and a Nite Owl within Kyr’tsad. I earned my colors and you have earned nothing. You challenged both my honor and my authority. Good luck explaining that one to A’lor.”

I have no idea if I am in love or if I am going to be scared for my life from here on out...maybe both...definitely both. At least, Kyr’tsad is fun to work for if it is a hot mess.

#caff the writer #caff writes #solus vetra #c: more than you bargained for #au: i'm the devil in the details #akaan kast #unnamed pov character

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surveyhoursss · 3 years ago

Text

146.

Your name is Jordan

You were born in April

You're 19

Gaming is a huge part of your life

You have more than one gaming tattoo

You have a tattoo of your animal's paw print

You drive a Lincoln

Sports cars > supercars

You love 90's cars

You're planning on getting a Subaru Impreza next

You do cosplay

You have 11 piercings

You have endometriosis

You graduated in 2015

You were named after Michael Jordan

You want to get into the Youtube world soon

You have almost 10k followers on Instagram

You went to cosmetology/beauty school

You did not pursue cosmetology as a career

You're into graphic design

You own a screenprinting business

You sell products on Etsy

You've been in a relationship for over a year

You've been mentally abused by a past relationship

You own a gaming laptop because you like mobility

Your all time favorite game is Sly Cooper

You have 50+ gaming consoles

You have 500+ video games

You joined the Harley Quinn bandwagon this year

You like to collect pink things

You don't travel a lot (wish I did more)

You live in Michigan

You're trying to gain weight

You were bullied for most of your school years for having acne

You have a pet that means a lot to you

You've been in long distance relationship

You've had your belly button pierced since you were 14

Your favorite drink is chocolate milk

Your eyes are grey (grey, green, i have no clue lol)

Your favorite movie is Pulp Fiction

You own every Tarantino film on VHS, DVD, and Blu-Ray

You've become more confident with your body lately

You used to hate Victoria's Secret but now you love it

You love to play board games

You like to host game nights with prizes

You wear extensions

You have a promise ring

You have trouble growing/strengthening your hair

You try to be organized but fail most of the time

You used to work two jobs and 7 days a week

You shop at thrift stores

You rarely ever buy clothes at full price

You've seen 15+ bands live

Your favorite was Foo Fighters

You enjoy all music

You're trying to change your style of clothes / hair

You love to sing even though you're not good at it

You get emotional easily

You're the oldest child

You didn't go to college

Your boss is your role model

You usually sleep 9 hours a day

You take a lot of naps

You have social anxiety

You have trouble speaking

You love winter

You're very generous

You don't really get the generosity from others back to you

You don't like water

Your favorite pizza is Buffalo Chicken

You weighed 95-100 lbs until you were 18 (i've been anywhere from 80-140 lbs lmao)

You recently gained about 20 lbs (refeeding ;w;)

You're 5'1

You did cosplay of a Pokemon

You like glitter

You like space buns

You complain a lot

You hit puberty in 3rd grade

You've always had iPhones

Your computer or laptop cost over $1,000

Your town has a population of around 3,000

You like horror games but are deathly afraid of them

You have a natural tan

You don't have any freckles but wish you did

You go to garage sales often

You've gotten an I.V before

You've lost part of your eyesight temporarily due to a migraine

You've had extremely bad panic attacks in the past

You get 'triggered' very easily

You have grey eyes

You hate doing laundry

You don't mind other house chores

Your S/O is over a foot taller than you.

You write poetry, mostly about the stars / space

You used to write short stories

You own every single Sims game

You've bought all the Sims 4 add ons even though you hate it lol

You used to write stories with the Sims 2

You were dedicated to a forum around the age of 9

It was a 4kids forum haha!

You used to make short films

You hate texting

You learned HTML when you were 10

You wanted to go to school for Computer Science for a long time

You used to play Call Of Duty competitively

You have a lot of online friends

You've never been on a plane

You've never been zip lining but might soon

You enjoy camping

You own a quad / 4 wheeler

You've always dated boys older than you

Your boyfriend is 6 years older than you

You love to drive long distances

You enjoy going to car shows

You're voting for Gary Johnson

You have self-harmed before

You take short showers

You love wearing dresses

You wear cat ears a lot

You like taking photo-shoots of yourself

You have A.D.D

You take Vitamin D supplements for depression

You've kissed more boys than you can count on your hands

You've never been drunk

You play Pokemon GO

You never eat popcorn at movie theaters

You still use 720p screens

Your first console was a PS1

You really want the Playstation VR

You've funded a game before

You're unsure if you will be able to have kids or not

You've had mono before

you enjoy being creative

You used to make perler sprites

You've paid for art of yourself before

You've accidentally cooked something in the microwave that didn't belong in there.

You've made friends from a video game

You used to use Piczo

You don't like modern/futurustic FPS

You don't like RPG's

You've NEVER seen the Notebook

You own a Ouija board

You took online classes in school

You failed gym class

Your favorite Pokemon is Cubone

You're an Aries

You're pro-choice

You got a dry socket after getting your wisdom teeth removed

It was the worst pain you've ever been in

You've written down every dream you could remember for the past 2 years

You're an introvert

You don't really like to be touched

Your voice is high pitched

You hate shaving

You bite your nails

You have tiny ears

Your natural hair is a few inches past shoulder length

You have huge scars on your knees

You have a deep scar by your eye

You like to read

You've read Rage by Stephen King

you like cleaning

Your favorite arcade game is Mappy

You own every color Gameboy Color

You've felt unloved before

You've been bit by a tick before

You don't understand the obsession with Funko Pops

You're into kitten play

You believe you're talented

You still live at home

You clean your car... a lot

You like to take pictures of everything

You like the name Amethyst and Jade for a girl's name

You like the name Nathan and Jayden for a boy's name

You've had pink hair

You've had lavender hair

You've had red hair

You've had blonde hair

You've had a pixie cut

Your hair is naturally curly

You never leave the house without makeup on

You love the rain but hate thunderstorms

You're afraid of being alone

You're good at math

You always do the cat eye eyeliner

You don't know how to contour

You've watched every single episode of Friends

You've watched every single episode of That 70s Show

You own a pair of the Nintendo vans

You're spoiled

You own around 50 Pulp Fiction related merch

You've seen the movie countless times

You have A.D.D

You've gone to a teacher for personal help and they didn't help

You've never had to call 911 before

You eat Honey Nut Cheerios nearly every morning

You love breakfast foods

Your parents aren't divorced although they should be

You've started a GoFundMe for an LDR before

You saw Back To The Future in theaters

You used to smoke weed but don't anymore

You've never smoked a cigarette

You would never work in fast food

You don't really like concerts but you still go

You love going to the dentist

You've had a guinea pig before

You've had a turtle before

He was named after one of the Ninja Turtles

You've had a German Shepherd before

You've never watched a Kardashian show

You never swear

You like to go on walks

You prefer Pepsi over Coke

You're really picky about food

You own a machete

You own a Halo helmet and energy sword

You don't like Bethesda as a company

The first game you ever beat was GTA III

Your favorite mini games are the ones on Pokemon Stadium 2

You only own one perfume

You buy clothes for dirt cheap and sell them to make profit

You enjoy making your bed because it's aesthetically pleasing

You've done Harley Quinn cosplay

You want to do Daenerys cosplay

You made love coupons for your boyfriend on Valentine's Day

you like to be creative with cookies/cakes/desserts

You own a pink gaming headset (Trittons)

You own Astros A40s

You've never had a Scuf controller

Your voice is very quiet

You've had the same Pikachu plushie since you were 4

One of your favorite bands is ADTR

One of your favorite bands is Volbeat

One of your favorite bands is Taking Back Sunday

You've seen all of your favorite bands live

You don't have a favorite song

You get jealous of people that are more successful than u that are younger

You sing in the shower

Music puts you to sleep fast

You're too optimistic

You've sexted someone you weren't in a relationship with before

You've gotten a girl expelled from school before

You've never been in a physical fight

You laugh a lot

You suck at making eye contact

You've been threatened for your life before

You play video games with your sibling

All your grandparents are still alive

You've met your great-great-grandfather before

You naturally have brown hair

You wear glasses

You've lost your glasses before

You have bad memory

You used to have almost 5,000 friends on Facebook.

Now you only have around 300

Your favorite restaurant is Red Lobster

You have a Lenovo computer

You only buy Samsung TV's

There were less than 70 kids in your graduating class

You check on your ex's social medias every so often

You've seen someone with a gun to their head before

You have Cards Against Humanity and ALL of its expansions

You have Exploding Kittens

You see Canada almost every day but you've never been there

You've kissed a girl before

You've been cheated on while living with that person

You've been best friends with someone since elementary school

You prefer hot foods over cold

You have an innie belly button

You prefer fruits over vegetables

You have a lot of collectibles

Your phone is pink

Your favorite game show is Family Feud

You're right handed

You have a birth mark on your butt

Your favorite month is February

You don't like Harry Potter

You like Pearl Jam

You like to dance even though you're bad at it

You're not athletic

You're not very good with saving money

You have a dual screen monitor set up

You have 5+ consoles hooked up currently

You have string lights around your bed

You don't have any posters up

You own a Japanese video game

You want to buy a game that's currently valued at $300+

You've never gone hunting

You've never gone fishing

You've been to a drive in theater

You've been to Florida

You've driven in a car for over 24 hours straight

You're not really close with any of your cousins

You're not a huge fan of chocolate

You've owned a pair of Uggs

You only use white clothing hangers

You try to keep the boxes for everything

You got your first job at 18

You've always had creative ways to make some extra cash

You have a tattoo that your parents don't know about

You got a tattoo as soon as you turned 18

You don't like kids

You always panic over the worst case scenario

You don't like wearing jeans

You don't like wearing pants in general

You haven't showered yet today

You've never gotten stitches

You hate whipped cream

You have Irish heritage

You're not religious

You gave your first BJ at 14

Your longest relationship was 2 years

You've never been asked on a date by a stranger

Your favorite music video is No One Knows by QOTSA

You have a very short temper

Your Youtube inspiration is SSSniperwolf

You've always wanted to start a cookie decorating business

You've always wanted to own a business in your own store instead of online

You've lived in the same town your entire life

You're going Pokemon hunting tonight

You like exploring

You've never had a full time job

You never want an office job

You've never been to Warped tour and never want to go

You own 5+ copies of one of your favorite games

You put a lot of effort into your Instagram page

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chasholidays · 7 years ago

Note

Time stamp, Forever and/or down in flames universe, prompt: future

Original fic here!

“I think I have a career,” says Clarke, in the same way other people might say I think I have cancer. Well, not quite that bad; there’s more shock than upset in her tone, a kind of disbelief that something like this could happen to someone like her. Pregnancy might be a better analogy, something that could be good or bad but she’s too surprised to know yet.

Regardless, he mostly finds it hilarious. “Did you not know? I thought you knew or I would have told you.”

He does get why Clarke is surprised about her career in general, he’s just not sure why it hit her now. A few months after they got married, she started a webcomic, something that’s half slice of life and half weird doodles of mythical creatures doing errands, and somehow it really took off. Raven deserves a lot of the credit for the initial jump in popularity, since Clarke is incapable of figuring out online self promotion, but once she got enough instagram followers, she stopped really needing to do much. She’s made some merchandise and takes commissions, and has enough that she can pay Raven to help with her with her homepage and other stuff.

It’s not a great career, not making her rich, but it’s enough that she’s gotten rid of most of her part-time jobs and is making a living as something like a professional artist.

It is definitely very weird and confusing; he just assumed that she would have noticed that sooner.

“I keep waiting for someone to notice I’m not actually funny,” Clarke admits.

“You’re kind of funny,” he says, and she laughs.

“Thanks, babe. Your support always means the world to me.”

He raises his arm and she tucks herself under it, snuggling in. “I think you’re funny,” he says. “But a lot of the comic is kind of–absurd,” he finally says. “It’s not about making jokes, it’s about being fucking weird. As it turns out, people think our lives are just kind of inherently funny. Which they are. You’re not coasting on unearned success here, Clarke. You work hard on your art, I know you do.”

“I know. This just wasn’t really what I pictured myself doing, I guess. I thought making it as an artist was going to be–”

“Your art hanging in a museum.”

“Something I could show my mom to prove I made the right choice.”

“And you can’t show her the webcomic?”

“I could tell her about the book.”

Bellamy freezes. “The book?”

“That’s how I know I have a career, yeah. Raven just told me. A publisher is interested in putting together a print version of the webcomic, with some exclusive content, a certain percentage of new strips, stuff like that. The email has all the details.”

“So you already agreed?”

“I wanted to surprise you. Do you not think I should do it?”

He laughs and tugs her closer. “No, of course I think that. Honestly, I’m just amazed you kept it quiet.”

She rolls her eyes. “I can keep secrets. And it wasn’t hard, I got most of the emails while you were at work. It did kind of suck to not tell you, but I got advice from Raven. And I figured it would be, you know. Cool.”

“It is cool. I’m really proud of you. Do I need to do anything? What’s your deadline? When does it get published?”

Clarke laughs, soft, and kisses his shoulder. “We’ve still got a while to go. I’m probably going to be a mess for a while while I try to get everything done.”

“You?” he teases. “A mess? What a concept.”

“Shut up. A new kind of mess. A mess with purpose. I’m turning over a new mess leaf.”

“Wow. That’s going to be something. Can’t wait to see what new horrors that will bring.”

She elbows him. “It’s going to be awesome.”

“It is.” He kisses her hair. “My wife, the published author.”

“Don’t jinx it. I still have to write the book in time.”

“You’re going to,” he says. “I’m not worried.”

“That makes one of us.”

“New leaf, remember? It’s going to be fun.”

She shakes her head, smiling a little. “Sure. Fun.”

There’s no particular reason that Clarke’s book should cause any kind of seismic shift in Bellamy’s life, but that’s not really the cause of the shift, he doesn’t think. It’s hard to not occasionally take a step back and think about where he is and where he’s going, and given what his actual life looks like, it’s pretty easy to feel like a lowkey failure.

Really, the odder thing is that every time he does this, he finds his life is actually in amazingly good shape. He and Clarke might not be great adults, but they’ve cleared more hurdles of adulthood than a lot of his friends have, without even trying. They’re married, they’re homeowners, they have a dog. Bellamy has a steady job in his field, and Clarke has a good gig of her own. They have a savings account that they actually put money into every month. They’re not getting rich, but they’re stable, even upwardly mobile. Against all logic and reason, he thinks he and Clarke are doing well.

Which is honestly what freaks him out the most, and what he doesn’t quite know how to explain to anyone.

“It’s like when you beat a video game and you’re running around doing all the bonus content because you’re not ready to be done yet, but you know you kind of did everything?” is the approach he tries with Miller, who does not look impressed.

“So what you’re saying is you already beat life and now you want the DLC? Yeah, I can see why you don’t want to tell people that.”

“Seriously, you know what I mean, right? I don’t know where we go from here. It’s not bad, just–weird.”

“I feel like the next logical step is kids, but I’ve met you and Clarke and I’m not convinced reproduction is a good idea.”

“Yeah, I’m not sure either. I like kids, but I don’t know if we actually need to have any of our own. I’m amazed we keep the dog alive.”

Miller snorts. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure we’re all shocked about that one.”

“It’s not like I’m complaining. My life is awesome and I’m happy. But it’s weird feeling like I don’t have anything to work for.”

“Promotions,” Miller says. “Another dog, I don’t know. I get it,” he adds. “I’m not there yet, but it makes sense. But dude, it’s like you’ve never even seen Tangled. Find a new dream.”

He pauses. “How many times have you seen Tangled?”

“That movie is fucking solid,” says Miller. “Good luck with your stupidly perfect life.”

“Thanks. I’m doing my best with it.”

Clarke working on a book honestly isn’t really functionally different from Clarke working on anything else, at least not from what Bellamy can tell. Her hours are as bizarre as ever, and she still has ink-stained fingers and a penchant for falling asleep on anything.

But there is a change in her too, even if it’s harder to detect. She takes the book seriously in a way that she’s never taken anything else seriously, for all she’s always been dedicated to her art. The book means something to her that he hasn’t figured out yet, that he’s not sure how to figure out.

At least, not until his conversation with Miller, after which he asks, “So, is this book like your final boss?”

She’s reviewing some of her old comics to see which she wants to put in, almost completely engrossed. “What?”

“The book. Is it the culmination of your life or something?”

She snorts. “I hope not.”

“It’s something, though. Not that it shouldn’t be, but–”

Finally, she stands, her entire body cracking as she stretches. She’s been sitting on the floor so much he’s starting to worry about the long-term effects on her body. If they didn’t have the dog to force them to go on walks, he’s not sure how much fresh air she’d even get.

“This is a lot, even for you,” he says, and she flops onto the couch next to him.

“Yeah, I know. I think it’s probably residual–it’s an assignment, and I was a straight-A student. I want to do my best on it. And do extra credit.”

It makes sense, but it doesn’t feel quite sufficient. “Have you told your mom about it yet?”

Her discomfort is immediate and obvious as she shifts a little, frowning. Clarke and her mother are on better terms than they were when she and Bellamy first met, but it’s still hard. He remembers from his own childhood how long it can take to recover from a loss like that, how the fallout can sometimes feel even worse than the event, or at least different and awful in its own way. Clarke and her mother don’t want to be enemies, but Clarke likes her life, and he has to admit it doesn’t look great from the outside.

Even from the inside, it can sometimes be pretty grim.

“Not yet. I thought I’d just send it to her when I got author copies or whatever.”

“That won’t be for a while yet.”

“It’s not like we talk that much,” she points out. “I kept it a secret from you and we live together and talk all the time. It’s not going to be hard to not tell my mom. She asks what I’m working on and I say the usual. Which isn’t even a lie,” she adds, before he can try to protest. “Because this is definitely what I always do.”

“It is. I wasn’t going to say that. I just feel like I don’t get how you feel about this book.”

“And you want to understand every feeling I have?”

“No, fuck that. I just don’t like not knowing shit. And this one’s bugging me.”

“It’s not the only thing.” She nudges him with her elbow. “I’ve definitely noticed you acting weird too.”

“Yeah?”

“Not even going to deny it?”

“No. I’m having a weird crisis.”

“Define weird crisis. Do you want to buy a sports car?”

“Not really. But is it weird if I feel like we should be buying something? Or maybe just me, I don’t know.”

“I don’t have enough information to tell you how weird that is. What do you want to buy? Why do you want to buy it? Is this just capitalism?”

“No.” He rubs his face. “Fuck, I don’t know what I want. If I did, I would have bought it already.”

“Oh, wow, this is actually bugging you. I thought you were just being normal grumpy, but this is something different, huh?”

“Yeah. I don’t think it’s the same as your thing, though. My thing might be the next step, after you finish your book.”

“So this is a grim vision of the future, huh?”

“Learn from me.”

“You need to tell me what I’m learning first.”

“Our lives are awesome and I’m happy, but when I think about–what we’re aiming for in five years, ten years, fuck, thirty years, I have no idea what we’ll be wanting.”

“And that’s bad,” she says, slow.

“It’s weird for me,” he admits. “I think it’s just taken me a while to notice that all of the stuff I used to be working for–I’ve got it now. Good job, steady income, retirement fund. Awesome wife, nice condo, stupid dog. I’m so fucking happy, but it feels like I have everything I want.”

“You definitely don’t,” says Clarke, immediately.

He snorts. “Wow, just like that, huh?”

“I mean, I know what you mean, but what we’ve got is–the big stuff, I guess. The flashy stuff. My dad used to call it the money can’t buy happiness stuff.”

“Your dad had a name for this?”

“I mean, not this. But the general idea. He said that when people said money can’t buy happiness, they’re taking for granted all the stuff they wouldn’t have if they didn’t have money. Food and shelter and all that. So I’m going to say you are officially at the point where you have all the happiness money can buy.”

“You say that, but I don’t own a private jet.”

She rolls her eyes, as he deserves. “You don’t want a private jet.”

“No, I don’t,” he grants. “So, you’re saying that life is awesome and it’s time for me to find a new place to get validation?”

“Or just find a new hobby. Maybe you could write a book. I don’t know, you can figure it out. But I’m pretty sure in the next thirty years, we’re going to find awesome stuff to do.”

“And you’re going to prove to your mom that your life is good?”

She sighs. “I get that my life doesn’t seem great to her, but her life doesn’t seem great to me either. It would be cool if this book was, like–the intersection of what I think is good and what she does. We can all agree that a book is an accomplishment.”

“It is.” He kisses her hair. “Your mom’s going to be proud of you, no matter what. I’m pretty sure she already is.”

“And you’re going to come up with something new to want to do.” She frowns. “It’s not kids, right? This wasn’t some weird, roundabout way of telling me you think we should have a baby or something, right?”

“Honestly, I’m pretty sure we should never reproduce, yeah. Unless you want that.”

She nudges her nose under his jaw. “I think we could just get a bigger place and more pets. If we’re looking for things to aspire to.”

As aspirations go, they feel pretty small, but like Clarke said, they really have all the big stuff. They’re healthy and happy and more well off than they deserve to be. They can’t afford a house now, but in a few years, if he gets promotions and Clarke’s book does well, it’s probably within the realm of possibility.

“So, I have to find a new dream, huh?” he asks.

“And I have to write an awesome book. As problems go, they’re pretty awesome ones.”

He kisses her hair, smiling. “Yeah, you’re right. I bet we can work through it.”

After all, they are, somehow, good. They’ve got this.

#hedaoftheskaikru

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