#and like. i wouldve been happy to answer. i still have the response in the drafts

[neurotypical-sonic]

I still think about that anon ask I got that was like "hey is what I heard about you [saying thing] true?" and it makes me want to scream. like. I rarely delete posts I make, except for art, so just scrolling through this blog wouldve been more than enough to answer it, but mostly because they said they were asking because their friend said something about me on some discord server and the idea that people are?? talking about me in random discord servers? god. especially since [thing] was about me replying to someone who I realised was a troll, so deleted that reply, and it was on this blog for five minutes. this is me being paranoid but I already have issues with feeling like I'm constantly being Observed and Watched and the thought that people are keeping tabs on me. god.

[batw1nggg]

Hi!

If you could rewrite dr3 how would you write it?

Ahhhh . the age old question

im not gonna touch future arc because i genuinely believe it cannot be saved but i will say that despair arc had plenty going for it. the framework is really good i love the part where they expand on twilight syndrome murder case and i love how they frame hajime signing up for the project as all these little events adding up. the kamukoma gun scene. the komaeda bomb subplot ate up it gave him just enough screen time without being too much. ofc i love the izuru characterization scenes. the student council killing scene is one of the only scenes in dr that still creeps me out. i love how they open with happy 77b bonding but then everything spirals out of control and the whole anime has a sense of impending doom to it.

all of this is great its just a matter of there being More of it. despair arc deserved more than 10 episodes imo. it did alright with the budget it was given but the brainwashing plot (everyone in the crowd begins to groan) (STAY WITH ME STAY WITH ME HERE) wouldve been a fine and maybe even good plot had they just. extended it.

before we get into the brainwashing plot im gonna discuss a smaller but also big issue - the hinanami kamukura project retcon. chiaki should NOT have been even REMOTELY a factor in hajime signing up for the project. the point is that he does it for HIMSELF. taps the sign chiaki shouldve been her own fleshed out character her biggest downfall is that her sole purpose is to spur on hajimes character development points at izuru crying scene points at the trial 6 chiaki scene points at the kamukura project retcon poin

now that that is cleared up. this isnt the first time the topic of a dr3 rewrite has come up on this blog and ive had issues with scrapping the brainwashing plot brought up to me, the biggest of which would be it would make putting them in the simulation unethical. if theyre brainwashed the team can go ahead and make the decision for them because they cant consciously make it themselves — but if they ARE fully conscious of their actions and do NOT consent to being put in a potential death trap (even one built with good intentions) then its just. Wrong. putting them in there to reverse the brainwashing is fine, but putting them in there because. just because they are seen as bad people that need rehabilitation? its kinda like those news articles u see that are like Scientists found a way for a prisoner to mentally serve 100 years in just 1 real life minute!

however leaning into this could pose a very interesting moral question, because both munakata and makoto’s solutions to the problem would be unethical, its just the matter of which is better. theres no clear answer. im sure in the canon makoto already feels some degree of responsibility for the killing game, but if we take away the brainwashing plot we REMOVE the comfort of saying “oh well they werent conscious of their actions so its fine that i made the decision for them because this was the only way to reverse the brainwashing” its not as black and white

i have a scene in my head to replace the brainwashing one that ive been playing with where its essentially just the og scene but. longer. theyre trapped in that trial room the only light source being the tv screens theyre watching chiaki be tortured on no food no water for. a week. two weeks i havent decided yet. and then i was thinking about chisa also being tortured so you have the two people that bring the class together dying in front of everyones eyes (also endlessly torturing only one person that long is going to kill them. taking turns with two would extend the amt of time). and after a couple of days of torture junko like forces chisa and chiaki to talk to the class about how great despair is or whatever and in their grieving and desperation to honor their last words everyone turns to despair

HOWEVER the canon realllyyyyyy wanted to paint makoto as ultimate hope good boy munakata WRONG, so. unless we want to change a lottttt of writing we gotta keep the brainwashing. i know i know.

i dont like the idea of junko personally manipulating everyone mikan style either. its too much of her time invested to a class she doesnt care about. she cares about torturing HER class because thats the one shes attached to she couldnt give less of a fuck about 77b

but she also is not LAZY about her despair. shes dramatic like. there was no reason for her to kill chiaki that was literally just for Flare. so i think it isnt unreasonable to find some midpoint between not having her manipulate EVERYONE but have her personally target maybe a couple of people for no longer than one brief scene each, and once shes infiltrated maybe 3 or 4 people Then she lets it spread. or she doesnt let it spread and the 3 or 4 ppl she did manipulate personally serve as lackeys to manipulate the group into falling for junkos brainwashing trap or something. as for who shed target, probably the most dangerous yet most clearly emotionally vulnerable ones komaeda peko etc

i would also try to fit in some of the atrocities they commit into the anime SOMEWHERE. could be in future arc could be as an extension of despair arc. no idea how id fit this in here i just think its important to do some tragedy era worldbuilding (udg tried to do this but failed. because udg sucks)

and also in the bit where chisa gets Banished over to teach at the reserve course. i think it wouldve been cool if she was hajimes teacher and also we saw a little bit of her reaction as a former main course student to the mistreatment of the reserve course students. i wish they wouldve played w that

oh also take away the despaircest. Please . and if we do decide to keep it (which i think junko incestually abusing mukuro could explain mukuros loyalty and have some genuine weight had it been handled right) we gotta explore it without fetishizing it and making it into a weird gag .

ok thats all i got right now i know this isnt a rewrite its mostly just a lot of critiques and disconnected ideas but. ill flesh out all of my concepts One Day.

[komoreangel]

𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬/𝐨

pairings: childe, zhongli, and xiao x f!reader (separate)

scenario: your past lives never stop haunting you, but your boyfriend is there to comfort you

request: What about Childe, Zhongli and Xiao having a s/o who can reincarnate, but her past lives were really terrible people and she sees herself as one? So they comfort her, telling she isn't one

genre: mostly angst with cuddles and kisses in between

childe

you’ve been lost in your thoughts for a couple days now

you can’t stop thinking about it

the blood staining your hands

what your past reincarnations did

what you did 

childe can tell something’s wrong

he can sympathize with feeling guilt for lives taken by your own will 

as someone who’s killed countless people, he recognizes the look of searing guilt in your eyes all too well

“y/n, is something wrong?”

you don’t answer

you have your head in your hands, and you’re sitting on the edge of your bed with your eyes facing the ground

he can tell you’re not completely there with him 

“y/n?”

“i hurt them.” 

he knows about your reincarnations, you’d told him when you two started dating

“hey, are you okay?” he pulls your wrists away from your face 

“how did this happen?” your voice is quiet, almost that he can’t hear it 

you look up at him and the darkness in your eyes is familiar

too familiar

he promised he wouldn’t let this happen to you too

“y/n. snap out of it.” 

no reaction

he grabs your shoulders and grips them, making sure you’re staring straight into his eyes 

“i can’t stop thinking about it.” 

he pulls you into his arms 

“y/n, you are not your past lives. you are someone new, you are someone different. you are brave, you are strong, you are not responsible for what they did.”

“but it doesn’t change the fact that it was me. i took their lives.”

childe can see he’s not getting through to you

“i know. i know it’s hard. i know you never really forget the look in their eyes. and it’s okay. its fine. just please don’t feel guilty for a death you didn’t cause.” 

“but how can i? how did- how did you...” 

you stop talking for fear of upsetting him

he wants to tell you that he didnt stop hurting

he didnt get over it

he wakes up in a sweat fearing that the things he did will cause him to lose the good things he has

but that’s not something he can bring himself to say 

so he just hugs you as you cry 

because he knows you’re not a terrible person 

because a terrible person wouldn’t have it in their hearts to love him 

and although you don’t feel any less guilty

it’s better having him with you than being alone

zhongli 

as someone who knows a thing or two about reincarnation

and also as rex lapis, who hurt people during the archon war

when you sneak into his arms for cuddles he doesn’t protest

“darling, is there a problem?”

you remain silent. 

after a while, your quiet voice echoes out into the dark

“i was a terrible person.”

out of context, this would seem confusing

but he understands

“those people aren’t you.” he tries his best to speak words of comfort, but your tears continue to wet his shirt (not that he minds, he just doesn’t like it when you cry) 

“i...i killed so many people..” 

he holds you close to his chest, so you can hear his heartbeat 

“a reincarnation of you, someone who has almost nothing to do with you...you aren’t a bad person, y/n.” 

your guilt burns in your chest

you know zhongli is only trying to help

but you still can’t just forget what your past life did 

“but that was me...just, different.” 

he tries to comfort you in the best way he can: by explaining 

“a reincarnation is described as sharing the same soul, but otherwise having nothing in common. you and all your reincarnations are completely different people, with nothing in common.” 

you know he’s right 

but you just want your chest to stop hurting and those memories to stop coming back 

“it might help to get some sleep,” he says. 

but sleep is the last thing on your mind right now

“even if you’re not tired,” he continues as if he can read your mind

“just closing your eyes for a bit” 

you don’t feel like sleeping, but it can’t hurt to listen to him

you lean against his chest and close your eyes

he looks down at you and wishes he could take all your pain away 

he wishes he still had his godly powers 

surely there wouldve been some ability that he could use to help you 

unfortunately, just hoping won’t be able to do much

so he holds you close and hopes you stop feeling guilty for crimes that you didn’t commit 

and when you wake up, he’ll remind you that he loves you because of all the good things you do every single day 

xiao 

your regret is not all that different from his own

the sight is all too familiar 

you’re curled up in a ball in the corner of the balcony at wangshu inn 

“y/n, come out of there. i can see you perfectly well.” 

you come out and rest your forehead against his chest 

he can sense that you aren’t holding up too well 

the only difference between your guilt and his own is that you aren’t responsible for the bad things your reincarnations did or may have done 

“it’s not your fault. you couldn’t have done anything.” 

he does feel sympathetic for you, but he’s firm in the fact that you have nothing to do with the past memories that have come flooding back 

he notices that you’re wrapping your arms around him in a hug 

he’s not the best at comforting, but he tries his best to return your embrace 

he’d rest his chin on the top of your head if you started crying

most likely he would try to calm you down and help you relax because crying for a long time can get you sick

and that’s the last thing he wants 

he would also let you sit on the couch in your room with almond tofu 

if you wanted he would even let you sit on his lap and eat 

(although he’d scold you if you got food on the couch) 

he might run his fingers through your hair at an attempt to make you feel at ease 

he does like cuddling, but this time you aren’t cuddling out of happiness 

it’s understandable why you’d be distressed during a time like this, but he feels like you’re being sad over something you didn’t do 

even if he’s unable to convince you that you’re innocent, he’ll still be there for you 

the little things he’d do to help you feel better :(( 

and kiss your nose and forehead hhhh 

feeding you almond tofu and whatever other food he can make without burning down the inn

if anyone comes to see you with a commission he would tell them you aren’t feeling your best and to come back later

(and they’d probably pee their pants because of the intimidation levels he’s giving off) 

holding your hand and carrying you to bed if you fall asleep 

oh god xiao please hold my hand pls jfdksghsla

if you go a bit too long with being sad he might tell you you’re being ridiculous and that your past lives don’t deserve your tears 

harsh, but he just hates it when you’re unhappy 

he would force you to go outside if you haven’t gotten sunlight in a while

and slowly but surely your guilt might die down 

it could take a while but xiao is willing to wait as long as it takes 

as long as he gets to see your smile again and hear your laughter because to him those are the most beautiful things in the world 

a/n: they were all pretty angsty except for xiao’s...which had a happy ending. it took a bit longer to write but i really like the end product so i hope you guys enjoy! as of february 7, requests are CLOSED while i write the other ones i have in progress. they will open once all pending requests are written and posted! ty <3

[missmouse25]

So today is my birthday, and I was wondering if you’d write an imagine about spending a birthday with max f?

I know i sent you an ask but HAPPY BIRTHDAY AGAIN! If i had known i wouldve planned this before hand 😅

Birthday Wishes - Max Fewtrell

female first person pov (he says girl and girlfriend. thats about it) // 937 words // no warnings. i did run with the idea though (like i tend to do)

-----

The bed felt cosy and the blankets so soft. So super cosy. Like I could lie there forever and ever and…

“Babe, are you awake?”

Slowly I rolled over to face the owner of the voice.

“Why do you need to know?” I asked, still half asleep.

“Because,” the voice said, now putting an arm around my waist. “Today’s a special day and I have plans for you.”

I took the opportunity to snuggle against his chest hoping for just one more minute.

“Can’t the plans wait?”

“No,” he laughed. “Come on, birthday girl, time to get up.”

After a short tussle on the bed, Max lead me by the hand out of our room and down the stairs to the kitchen. Despite the fact that we’d literally just woken up, he looked really cute. His hair was standing up in various directions; his shirt (having just been put on) wasn’t sitting quite right yet and was showing a bit of his tummy when he moved.

“Ok, your mom wants to call you later this evening. My mom wants to see you this afternoon. But I’ve booked you for the morning,” Max explained as he pulled a pan out of the cupboard.

“How do you know all that?”

Max seemed very amused at my question.

“I asked.” He gathered ingredients from around the kitchen. “I told you that I have plans for you. Well, for us.”

I hopped up onto the counter and watched as Max whipped up some flapjack mix and, once the pan was hot, got to cooking.

“Oh, my card for you should be there on the counter. Somewhere next to you,” he said.

I picked up the envelope with my name on it and pulled out the contents.

“Did you buy this card from the market we went to?” I asked, noticing that it was handmade.

“Yup,” he confessed. “It was hard to do it without you noticing though.”

The thought of Max secretly buying something for me made me feel giddy.

‘To my beautiful girlfriend <3 Happy birthday. You know I’m not great with meaningful messages. So just know that I love you and that your gift will be worth it. All my love Max’

“Such poetry,” I teased after I had read his card. But even if I did poke fun at him a bit, I knew I’d still cherish it. Which was evident by the way I held the card to my chest.

“Do I get to know what my gift is now?”

Max looked at me, seemingly weighing up how to answer. He flipped the flapjacks over before saying: “No. Not yet.”

But I noticed the smug smile on his face as he pretended to be busy with the food.

‘What does that sneaky bastard have planned?’

~

Breakfast was fulling but delicious. As soon as the last bite had been taken, Max was herding me back to the bedroom to get dressed and ready for the morning.

Very soon we were on the road headed too somewhere. I took the chance to check my phone for any messages from my family and friends.

“Lando sent ‘Happy day to you, hope Max treats you well.’” I read aloud, laughing a bit.

“He’s such an idiot.” Came the reply with a slight shake of his head.

“Well, he was your friend before he was mine,” I said. “You have to take responsibility for all the nonsense he says to me.”

“Fine, but only because it’s your birthday.”

Finally, Max pulled into a parking lot and stopped the car.

“This isn’t what I originally wanted to do with you.” Max leant on the centre consol. “But I think this will be a good enough substitute.”

With a quick wink, Max was out of the car and around to my side, opening the door.

I looked around and it started to click.

“No way…”

“Come on, love,” he said, taking my hand in his. “We need to get our race suits on.”

The smell of petrol hit my nose the moment we walked out towards the track. The go-karts were lined up and waiting. Max was trying to give me some tips on how to take the corners but I was too excited to really listen.

I felt so professional in my race suit, crash helmet tucked under my arm. I’d already told Max that we had to take lots of photos when we were done and because of the circumstances, he agreed.

“Babe?” Max caught my attention. “Are you ready?”

“Yes!”

“Ok, let’s get your helmet on first.”

Max planted a quick kiss on my cheek before tenderly putting my helmet on my head and pulling the strap under my chin to make sure it sat snuggly.

“There we go. Looking like a proper racing driver now.” He smiled proudly. “Now let’s get driving.”

The thrill of crossing the finish line was amazing. When I finally came to a stop in the pit lane, I practically bounced out my seat and ran over to Max. He easily picked me up in a hug.

“You did so well. We should get you some training.”

“You’re just saying that. I know you went easy on me.”

“Well, I couldn’t let my girlfriend lose on her birthday. That’d make me the worst boyfriend ever.”  

We had our mini podium celebration with tiny plastic trophies. We bought cans of soda and sprayed it all over each other.  My cheeks hurt from smiling so much.

I pulled him closer and kissed him with all the love I had.

“Thank you, Max. This was the best gift ever.”

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Tony Stark’s Daughter (The Aftermath)

Tony Stark x daughter!reader

warnings:

a/n: y/n is about 17 or 18; i cried while writing this. sorry this is really long!!! pls forgive me 🥺

prompt: takes place from a3 to smffh

The Early Years (1) The Teenage Years (2) The Intense Years (3) Continued (5)

let’s start on a happy note! ahahah

so for a while, earth was calm

you, pepper, and tony got to be a family for a while

wedding planning!

of course you got to try the ben&jerry’s ice cream named after your dad: Stark Raving Hazelnuts

“it’s not fair that you got ice cream named after you and i didn’t”

“well, when you grow up to be as awesome as me, maybe you’ll get your own ice cream flavor”

developing nanotech suits together for a Bonding Experience(tm)

speechless after the first test

“dad, this is...”

“the coolest thing to ever exist?”

“yes!!”

yall ready for some shit?

the day that ebony maw invaded was pretty—what’s the word? interesting? no. well, yes, but...HORRIBLE.

it all started when you got the call from your dad

“y/n, incoming call from ‘big fat meanie’”

“god, i really have to change that. okay, JOSHIE, answer it. hey, dad? what’s up?”

“hey, kid! you know that weird ass building on bleecker street? how fast can you get here?”

“JOSH can you track FRIDAY really quick? lets see how far dad is...uh, okay, be there in five, see ya”

taking your suit for a spin and realizing how GREAT it was to be able to basically fold up your suit and put it in your back pocket

knocking on the door and it opened on its own, it was kinda cool

“is this a museum? cool.”

bruce turning around to see you after about three years and giving you an awkward smile and a wave while you stood frozen around the wizard-guys

“y/n, god, you’ve grown up!”

charging into him for a long overdue hug

“you don’t know how much i missed you. it’s been chaotic without you”

“i can...i can only imagine”

a debriefing on the situation you were about to face, and bonus! having to play the catch-up game with bruce

“just call him, dad. we need as much help as we can. steve will understand”

rushing outside to face off with some ugly-ass aliens

“oh nooo, it’s roger smith from american dad”

bruce: 👀, stephen: 👀, wong: 👀, tony: 👏👏🥰 that’s my girl

simultaneous nanosuit unveiling

“you ready for this one, pops?”

“of course! ive waited years to kick some more alien ass”

montage of you and tony getting your asses beat together (as a family <3)

peter showing up

“give me one good reason why i shouldn’t send you back to that school bus”

“because i’m good company?”

“whatever, just listen to whatever dad has to say, i forfeit my responsibilities over you”

pew pew, repulsors, pew, tiny rockets! fun! action! destroying new york again and again. good times...

until JOSHUA gave you notice that your dad was flying high

“call him. now.”

“hey! how’s it going down there?”

“dad, you know how i feel about you and space”

“i know, i know. i just...i gotta take care of this. keep pepper safe for your old man, okay?”

“i lo—l—ve y—”

“y/n? y/n?! i love you! shit!”

“we lost connection with her, sir”

trying to call peter

“call failed, y/n. should i try again?”

“i’m gonna kill them...”

walking through the rubble to find bruce, the only sensible man you know

taking him to the avengers compound asap to get to rhodey and figure out what comes next

meanwhile, tony was dealing with space and another teenager

and worrying a lot about leaving you on earth

“i mean, mr. stark, y/n’s one of the most capable people i know. she’s probably trying to fix this whole mess as we speak”

“i didn’t get to tell her i love her”

“oh...”

having a lovely meeting with thaddeus ross with rhodey, having a lovely time watching them passive-aggresively argue until your former teammates arrived

having to patiently (and professionally) wait for ross to hang up before running into them for a hug

“holy shit, you guys have no idea how bad i’ve wanted to see you. it sucks not being all together anymore”

“i know, y/n. we’ve all missed you.” -cap

“a lot” -nat added

bruce’s little entrance that was sure to bring some awkwardness

you, secretly freaking out about your dad

sam was the one that found you crying after you “stepped out” for a few minutes too long

“oh, y/n,” he was contemplating grabbing someone else to step in, but decided to sit next to you in the hallway, “i’m sorry, kiddo. i can’t promise you anything, but your dad is a fighter. a big pain in the ass. i think your odds are good”

laughing through your tears

“yeah, you’re right. thanks, sammy”

he gave you a little hug while you calmed down

getting to business, the ass-kicking kind

as the wise natasha romanoff once said to your father, you were being “uncharacteristically non-hyper verbal”

your mind did this funny thing...wandered into places it really should not go

the talk about sacrificing vision led to wakanda, where you had a swell time patrolling

“guys! we’ve got incoming. a lot of incoming”

well-deserved uncle/niece team up. who wouldve thought?

you would have nightmares about these aliens for years to come

“you get to die, and you get to die! everybody gets to die!”

“y/n, what did we talk about?” -rhodey

“using humor as a defense mechanism makes the team uncomfortable...”

covering the girls 😌 because we gotta have those all-girl teamups, uh-huh?

some more blasting

thor made his comeback and you just could not miss it

“hi, thor!”

you landed next to him and your helmet receded

“well, hello, miss y/n! good to see you again! my, you got taller...oh! meet my friends: rabbit and tree”

having a “what the actual fuck” moment upon seeing thanos for the first time

and flying at him from behind with a massive nanotech blade ready to kill this purple bastard

but he grabbed your arm and flung you into the dirt, that was gonna leave a mark

“i just had to make a suit when i was ten...no one stopped me, huh? i couldn’t be elon’s kid, he was a nice guy”

watching thanos snap his fingers and looking around to see dust floating through the air and thanos retreat

“rhodey? uncle rhodey?!”

“i’m right here, kid, don’t worry”

he grabbed your hand while you were dusting

“tell my dad i love him, promise?”

fading away and leaving rhodey with your last words

he was mad before anything else

all he could think about was a promise your dad made him take years back

“rhodey, you keep my daughter safe no matter what, promise?”

the avengers recooperating at the compound, waiting to figure out whether any of the space-crew survived

they had to let pepper know that you didn’t make it, she was a mess upon hearing that news

tony finally making his way back to earth

and stumbling out of that ship

“where’s y/n? where is she?!”

“tony, tony, calm down”

“dont tell me to calm down! where is my daughter?!”

“she made me promise to tell you thay she loves you”

tony knew the answer by now, he lost his mind over your death

it didn’t feel right not having you by his side, for the past 18 years you’ve been with him

after a long period of recovery, tony and pepper moved on, got married, built a home, had a new daughter...

tony made sure there was a spare room for you

he put all the things you left behind in it

there were so many photos of you in the house

and he’d show your sister, morgan, all of them. he wanted morgan to know her sister

“that’s y/n when she built her first robot. it snuck up on me a few times. it went ‘boo!’”

morgan loved the stories about you, but she didn’t understand why she couldn’t see you

“when do i get to meet her?”

“uh...maybe someday, sweetie”

after being unbothered for almost 5 years, the remaining avengers came back with a plan that was so tempting, he just wanted his little girl back

cracking under pressure and telling pepper that he couldn’t ignore this mission because it was his chance to get you back

“get her back, tony”

“you think so?”

“i miss her, too.”

and so it began, he made it his mission to get you back

peeking at the wallet picture of you on his shoulders when you were so little

tony travelling to 2012; loki’s invasion

and there you were, the sassy genius 12 year old that he missed so much

“we’ve got this, tony, we’ll bring her home” -scott

and then things went badly and also 2012 tony went into cardiac arrest and 2012 y/n dove onto the floor to tend to him

“dad? give us some room, would you?!”

2023 tony smiling at how much he missed you worrying about him and how reckless he was

but also...the mission kinda went bad so that sucked

push it a bit farther back and now tony was with grandpa stark! asking how to be a dad and all that!

he could barely stand still waiting for you to come back to him, god he missed you more than he thought

and after a bit of hard work, it was time to snap

just like that, you were back in wakanda, puzzled by the gap in time before one of dr. strange’s portals opened in front of you

and then you were in the ruins of the avengers compound

“JOSHUA, can you locate my dad?”

“i think you’ll be able to see him”

“wow, i cant believe i programmed your cocky artificial ass”

“i think you can”

seeing your dad flying high and patching into the comms

“miss me, old man?”

and then he hit the gas to get to you and when this man hugged you, you almost couldn’t let go

“i’m so sorry, y/n. god, i’m sorry. these last five years...i was so lost without you”

“it’s okay, dad, i’m here now”

getting shot at during your reunion

“son of a bitch...we’re having a family moment here, asshole!”

yes, im gonna say it again. of course i am! and.........father/daugher team-up

the last one

“peter, is that you? you asshole! i cant believe you went to space without me!”

“missed you too!”

rhodey!! cant forget about uncle rhodey!!

“you gave my dad the message, right?”

“it was your dying wish, of course i did!”

“great. don’t forget i love you, too, rhodey!”

“couldn’t let me forget it”

lest we forget that pepper joined the fight?

plot twist: (step)mother/daughter team-up

mother/father/daugher team up!!!! ultimate stark machine!!!!!!!

and then you left him alone for 5 minutes and he’s got the infinity stones and you know it’s the last time you’re going to see him and you cant decide what your next move is and you’re just frozen and you cant catch your breath and he snaps and your heart plummets

you have to rush to his side, the last time you can sit beside his tired body and let him know that its going to be okay

“hey dad, it’s okay, we’re gonna be fine. thank you for everything”

peter grabbing your hand as you both sobbed next to your dad, feeling robbed of your time with him

pepper brought you home where she told you all about the five years you missed

both of you just cried harder than you’ve ever cried before

“so i have a sister?”

morgan was so happy to meet you, she couldn’t contain herself, practically latched onto you

and she didn’t fully understand what happened to tony

you saw your new room for the first time and didn’t leave it for a while, occasionally pepper or morgan would pop in

morgan actually crawled into bed with you a few times

the funeral was one of the worst days of your life

the remnants of your young life pulled back together for one day

then you hid back in your room before you heard a knock

“who is it?”

“it’s happy”

“come in”

“hey, kiddo. me and morgan are gonna get some cheeseburgers, you wanna come?”

she really was a stark

after a long hibernation, you started to get back into the groove of your old life

but the press was brutal and harsh, you were bombarded with questions regarding your dad

it took everything not to explode on camera

you stayed in contact with the rest of the avengers, mourning your dead, keeping the support system, staying a family

it was all you could get...for now

[idjitlili]

More thranduil love?

Bath

I am very sorry if my writing is shit, this morning my 69 yr old great nan passed away , It was horrible I have her dog zana,now. Summary: Thranduil takes a liking to you when you sass him , when he makes fun of Thorin's height.

Word count:1255

You and the company had been captured in mirkwood forest,by Prince Legolas.Gandalf had requested you join the company as you were a healer ,and it was all better to have two healers instead of one. Also due to the fact you were his adopted,elf daughter,your were parents slaughted ,when you were just a child.You did not remember them,best not that you didnt,as you have a father that loved as much as they did. Gandalf had brought you with as he did not wish to leave you at home alone when someone could kidnap you because gandalf was your father.  Especially when he too protect you from harm when you beside him.

Which led you too now ,in front of you and Thorin stood the elven,Thranduil. Thorin did like you ,even though you were an elf ,as you had not grown up with the elven traditions,gracefulness,you were clumsy ,and you didnt have a stick up your butt.You were taught your fighting skills from Elrond ,when Gandalf left you with him,so he could complete dangerous tasks.  You had befriended Elrond's daughter,Arwen,you would write to her often ,she was your only friend until you met the company.

Sometimes Gandlaf would take you to lady Galadriel and Celeborn,of Golden wood. The had gifted a leaf brooch,which later you had modified into a necklace that lay between your breasts,that only showed if your tunic was removed or it fell forward.

Thranduils soldiers had stripped you down to your vest ,and baggy trousers,you werent happy with that but you couldnt do anything about it. Whereas the dwarves where only stripped down to there tunics,damn why couldnt they be topless. You would have more than liked that. At this very moment Thranduil was insulting Thorin offering him a deal,for his and the companys freedom.

He made your blood boil to the point of over flowing,he was a selfish ,slug eyebrow king you had enough of it. Your fists clenched closed ,knuckles white. "you call yourself a king?you are a selfish man ,if you and your people were in need .The dwarves wouldve gave you a home ,yet you let children die and starve because you didnt want to mess your hair.You disgust me." you had spat your words at him as he turnt you glaring ,Thorin couldnt help but smirk. Thranduil had scoffed before speaking "and what would a poor excuse of an elf that mucks around miniture sized pigs know of the matter?" Thorin growled at the smirking king. "this is no mere elf as she is Gandalfs daughter,she could most definitely turn you into slug like them eyebrows." you giggled at Thorin,his eyebrows definitely looked like slugs,Thorin sent you cheeky smile,

"yeah ,also I am fed up with the short jokes. Im sorry but I rather have a nice thick dwarven cock,compared to yourtiny  thin worm one." Thorin's face was more than red now you had simply smirked,Thranduils face twisted in anger. "take him to the cells,and leave the girl and I alone,now." he had shouted commands,Thorin shorted compliants "you do not touch her!" and others in khuzduls,you had sent him a small smile. "Wait may i say one last thing to him before?" Thranduil annoyed told you yes but you would only have 15 seconds. So you had whispered to the dwarven king. "when dildo gets you all ,dont wait for me,leave,I will catch up.""no y/n n-" he was cut off by Thranduils command and him being dragged off harshly.

He had circled you mulitple times before stopping close in front of you,his eyes dropping to your cleavage,where your necklace laid. You tried to stay still,as his followed down the chain of your necklace to the leaf. Which caused him to touch your breasts still by doing so,sending harsh chills down your spine. His thumb rubbed over the pendent ,taking in the details it held. "where did you get this?" he had questioned sternly, his face still glued to the necklace.

"Lady Galadriel." you had answered avoiding his face,"and how were you able to get so close to her as low elf." you had pulled the necklace from his hand scoffing."Thorin told you ,Gandalf is my father." Thranduil hadnt believed this as you were a elf and he was a wizard. "how is he?you are an elf he isnt" he hated liars he didnt believe a word you said,especially the dick thing. "god he is my adopted father,you bloody bugger ,my parents were killed when I was a babe." you had spat annoyed,he sent you neutral facial expression. "sorry." he had simply spoken he did truly feel bad for bringing it up.

"so you pledge yourself to Thorin." He had questioned pulling up the strap of your vest,before offering you his arm which you have to take,as he lead you away from his throne,to an unknown destination. "no ,I am not.I just have seen them all naked." you had mulitple times as you had to bath together. "how?" he was weirded out ,but he would be surpised if the dwarves walked around with their dongs out. "well on our trip we all had bath together in the wake,plus in rivendell they bathed in the fountain.Its pretty hard to miss." he gasped ,tighting his grip on your arm. "have they seen you...naked?" he was quite disturbed he couldnt bare for a women to bath with over a dozen of men.

"actually no,not until your guards stripped me from my over clothes ,my vest got caught with my tunic boom they all saw,Thorin had quickly helped me cover, When we all bathed together they would turn away from me ,they treat women like the most precious gem in creation." you had spoke as you both walked up the stairs ,Thranduil had gasped at your story."oh,I am so sorry that happened." he was actually quite sincere with his words. "wow Thorin would be impressed you do have a heart,but anyways it is okay it told me that my breasts are some what attractive." you had joked ,as Thranduil looked confused "hard dicks" you stated causing him to hum in response. opened a door ,leading you in ,t here was a  bed."oohhhhhhhhhhh,i see." you had smirked,as his face lit up red slightly. "oh uh no i just thought you would like a bath,by yourself?" you smiled excitedly,nodding running to the bathroom,to see a hot bath all ready,ready.

"was this bath meant for someone else before i came?you had turned to the door shouting slightly,as Thranduil entered slowly. "yes,but it is for you now." you had frowned at the elf. "who?" you had questioned quietly,tripping slightly on yout own feet."me" he had whsipered. "Well.why dont we share then?" you tugged at Thranduils dress thingy,you didnt know what the fuck that was called.

a/n sorry short just really didnt feel like writing today has been awful

[sombreboy]

Love Maze »17

Previous  » Next Series Masterlist ▎ 18+ ▎ pairing: Taehyung x Jungkook ▎ genre: School AU, crack humor, smut, angst, ETL, slow burn, fluff. ▎ word count: 3.6k ▎ ch.warnings: cursing, some angsty themes, smut/unprotected sex (jisoo x jk sorry not sorry again), they’re both a mess and everything is a mess but dw they’ll figure some shit out soon enough. 

Co-writer: @velvetwicebang​​​​ ♡♡♡

“Okay, something’s definitely up.”

Hoseok snorted, “Yeah, Jimin’s dick when he talks to that dud—“

The smaller boy harshly elbowed Hobi on his ribs, unfazed as the elder hunched over with a grunt.

“Guys, take this seriously.” Namjoon sighed, stretching alongside Hoseok and Jimin, looking over at Taehyung from a distance. The couple hadn’t shared a single word since this morning— much less a sappy glance!

Tae seemed like he’d been crying all night, eyes puffy from the tears shed onto his pillow.

“You think they ended things? I mean, they were— Oh, hey Jungkook!” Namjoon forced a strained smile, trying to appear lowkey about the situation.

“We were just talking about... Jisoo! Uhm, you still mad?”

Fucking hell, Joon couldn’t seem to give himself a break, can he? He’d once again cornered himself.

Jungkook was caught up in his own train of thoughts until Namjoon's voice broke him out of it, the sudden halt in his steps obvious to all. His eyes widened at the mention of Jisoo, and suddenly his eyes flickered between everybody until they landed on the floor, his long curls falling over his eyes,

''Uh,'' He shrugged lightly, ''She's fine.. Uh, she's good. Don't worry.'' There's no way he'd tell them what had happened last night... He looked up at Namjoon and gave him a lopsided smile, ''All forgiven.''

Namjoon wasn't sure what he expected, but surely it wasn't that response. He rubbed at his nape, nodding once, twice,

''Okay, great..? Ehh, alright-- let's begin!''

The other men groaned, they really wanted answers. But it was obvious that right now wasn't the time, maybe during breakfast? Would the boys sit next to each other?

Jungkook stayed close to the group as they began, his eyes finding Taehyung eventually-- and his chest felt like it was being stepped on. It was hard to breathe... So, he looked away, deciding he would ignore him. That was what Tae wanted after all. So, he shouldn't even feel guilty for what he did with Jisoo...

Kook clenched his jaw, shrugging his thoughts off, replacing them by focusing on practice with everything he's got, going hard until he was a breathing mess drenched in sweat.

~

Taehyung snuck outside during breakfast, perched high up on the bleachers. It was his only doable option for a spot if he didn’t want to be a part of Yerin’s circle..

‘You’re gay? We should totally gossip about guys!”

“Oh my gosh, I have these face masks.. amazing!”

They had the audacity to invite him over to a sleepover. A fucking sleepover!

Tae sighed in defeat, closing his eyes as he indulged himself in the morning’s cool breeze.

Now that he was more at ease, he went over his options once again.

If he sat with his friends, Jungkook would be there.

Sitting with Kai and Haechan was out of the question— obviously. They stared him down like he was some freak every time they passed him in the crowded hallways, succeeding at pointing him out from the rest.

That’s how Taehyung felt, like an elephant surrounded by wild birds. He felt stuck while everyone else had the option to fly away.

“Fucking sucks..” The boy groaned, trying to stay collected throughout all of this.

It was easier said than done.

~

“So.. Jungkook?” Jin mumbled through a mouthful of cereal, taking notice of the empty seat that was normally reserved for the younger’s boyfriend. “Where’s Taehyung? Is he a ghost or something..” Jin chuckled a bit at his own joke, slurping another spoonful whilst his curious eyes were trained on Kook.

Jungkook munched his sandwich, this time around he didn't feel like eating any sweets at all. The marshmallows would just taste... sour in his mouth at this point.

Jin's question had the younger glance over at the empty seat, replying with a shrug,

''I don't know.''

Jin stopped mid-slurp, eyes widening a bit at the nonchalant response from their youngest.

''You guys fight?'' Yoongi asked, blunt as always.

''Uh....Yeah.'' Jungkook took another bite off his sandwich to avoid speaking further.

''Why?'' Jin chimed in once more.

''I don't wanna talk about it right now, okay?'' the younger groaned, pushing himself off the table, ready to leave.

''hey, hey, wait-- you don't have to, we just worry, okay? You guys go on and off so much lately.'' Jimin raised his hand to try to get Kook to sit back down, for once looking up from his phone.

Jungkook shrugged once more. ''We're done. Don't worry about it.'' He left it at that, even if he just said he didn't wanna talk about it. He picked up his tray and left, a deep sigh pushing through his lips. He knew it was true-- but saying it out loud was... Harder than he thought.

He left the dining hall to go grab a banana milk from the vending machine, impatiently tapping his foot against the floor as he waited for it. When it finally dropped, he grabbed it and headed to sit outside of the building until the next class and sip on his drink, for once his eyes were glued on his phone. Jisoo had texted him a photo of herself and Yuna, the two girls bringing a smile to his lips.

Maybe it wasn't all that bad.

~~~

Jisoo waited patiently in her apartment, gaze occasionally switching between the tilted clock on her wall and the TV. It was an hour past the time school usually got dismissed.. Jungkook should be home, right?

The woman felt like such a creep, but her desire to see him was much stronger after last night’s events. She even went out of her way to buy condoms, if that didn’t scream ‘desperate for you to fuck me’ Jisoo didn’t know what did.

Even if they didn’t end up having sex, the woman would be perfectly fine with doing nothing. As long as she was next to Jungkook.

“You can do this, Jisoo..” She hyped herself up, grabbing the container of leftover soup.

The girl stopped in front of Jungkook’s door, knocking on it a few times.

Her heart was beating really fast, it was embarrassing..

~

Jungkook put his playstation controller aside as he heard the knock, getting up to saunter towards the door. Part of him already knew who it could be, and peeking through the small hole he was right. He fixed his hair up, well-- as far as good would go with his long curls, combing through the mess with his fingers a few times. He'd changed into comfy attire as he got home; a deadly combination of grey sweatpants and a fitted v-neck.

''Noona!'' A wide smile through closed teeth greeted Jisoo as he opened the door.

“Hi!” The woman saluted back, meeting his level of enthusiasm in her voice. Her face, however..

She took a double take at Jungkook’s outfit, jaw permanently going slack. He looked cozy enough to cuddle with, that’s it. Jisoo really shouldn’t make it this obvious..

“Uhm..” The flustered girl tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. “I just wanted to give you this.” She extended the container of last night’s soup out to him, figuring Jungkook would enjoy it more than her. It was a blessing that the younger praised her cooking, but Jisoo wasn’t too confident in her choppy skills.

“So, yeah.” The woman stuck around, rocking back and forth on her feet.

“Without Yuna home, I had the chance to do a lot more stuff.”

She breathed out, looking up at Kook to see if he got the shitty hint.

“I-I cleaned? Actually managed to set up the kitchen.. it was a productive day!— because Yuna’s at my sister’s place..”

Jisoo poked her tongue against the side of her cheek, stifling a little smile.

She was making it so obvious, wasn’t she? The woman failed to feel embarrassed, though. It was Jungkook she was talking to, he was like family..

Jungkook grabbed the container, his face lit up with excitement at the mere thought of food that wasn't microwaved instant noodles.

"Ahh you're the best noona...." he gave her a toothy grin, and it faltered as soon as she mentioned that the little child wouldn't be around for now-- he did miss her.

"Okay, well, do you want to... come inside? I have to put this in the fridge.." he cringed internally at his lame attempt at inviting her. "I don't think you've really seen my place much anyway-- it's not that impressive, but.."

With her hands tightly clasped in front of her, Jisoo willingly followed Jungkook inside.

The woman pivoted around in her spot, the background sound effects from the PlayStation making things less quiet.

“Woah, it almost looks like my apartment!” Jisoo laughed, studying her surroundings a bit more. The hole in the wall was a little hard to ignore, but she didn’t bring it up.

All was still too fresh, that was her best bet.

Jisoo met him in the kitchen, leaning against the counter as she watched him put the container in the fridge. It made her happy that she was able to help out in any way..

“I missed you.” The older woman suddenly blurted out, “I mean.. you’re the only person I know here.”

Jungkook flashed her a smile as he closed the fridge. He almost blurted out 'what about namjoon'-- but that wouldve been really dumb...

"Yeah?" He crooked an eyebrow, stepping closer until he was practically towering over her small frame. He placed each hand on the counter adjacent to her body, tilting his head to the side with an innocent grin, "I missed you too~"

He couldn't help it, Jisoo drew out this side of him-- he became coy, her innocence was almost as alluring as his own. And since he's..well, a guy full of raging hormones, last night only made him feel needier.

His face inched closer to her flushed one, his breath sweet as he observed her features. She looked a little extra pretty today. Did she finally get enough sleep? Or did she put extra effort into her appearance before coming?

Jisoo’s brightly tinted lips curled inwards into a thin line.

Her eyes popped out from the subtle shade of brown temporarily etched onto her crease, as well as a natural reaction to Jungkook’s significantly broader body lingering extra close to hers.

She looked up at the younger man, feeling like a helpless ant in his presence.

He was easily gifted with the strength of hurting her without even trying. Just one flick of his fingers and Jisoo was done for! It was a little degrading that she had to be the one to strain her neck in order to meet his gaze, but maybe she liked the way he made her feel small..

The condom in the back pocket of her shorts pressed against her the more she leaned back against the edge of the counter, wanting to tease Jungkook by making him wait.

“You missed me?”

Jisoo bit down on her lip, stifling a blinding grin. Her eyes gave it away, however.

“I’m glad..”

Her soft hands traveled up to his chest, merely resting them there as she propped herself up on her tiptoes. The woman kissed him slowly, relishing in the intimate taste of banana milk and.. potato chips? Either way, Jisoo was a fan of the strange yet addicting combination.

Anything Jungkook had to offer was worth it.

Jungkook hummed in response, immediately feeling like his lips were melting against hers. They were so small-- everything about her seemed too delicate; another magnetic quality of hers.

"Yeah," he breathes out in a haste as their lips separated for a mere second before his hands finally found her waist to effortlessly lift her up on the counter, giving her an opportunity to meet his height. Kook positioned himself between her spread legs, one hand cupping her face to draw her in for another kiss as his other hand settled on her thigh, squeezing it softly between his fingers.

She yelped in initial shock, nearly tipping over the small vase of dorky flowers from behind her.

Jisoo hungrily dug in for seconds, fingers weaving through his long locks. Her milky thighs closed in on Jungkook’s torso, apparent goosebumps marring the silky skin.

The woman pulled away to snag her lost breaths, hands carefully cradling Kook’s face.

Jisoo shifted around a bit, deepening their clouded gazes.

“What is it that you’re thinking of right now..”

Jungkook caught a quick glance at the vase, the flashback from when Taehyung had given him those flowers replayed in his mind for a split second, causing him to freeze. But just as quickly -- Jisoos question brings him back to the present. He stares into her needy eyes, and he allows himself to simply drown in them, clouding his memories just enough for the initial sting in his chest to go away.

Jisoo was here with him... she's never hurt him. She cares. She wants him.

But does he truly want her?

Maybe he does. And maybe was enough for him right now.

"I'm thinking.... that I want you." It wasn't a lie. But he wouldn't tell her about his swirl of thoughts previous to the need he now indulges in. He needed to desperately forget about Tae.. Kook grasped her hips, hard, and pressed his hips up against her core, the already growing bulge prominent fighting the restraints of fabrics. "Feel that, noona?"

“M-mhm..!” Jisoo nodded with a brisk inhale, surprised at how hard he was.

“I want you, too..” She whined from the close proximity, “All of you.”

Closing her eyes, the woman softly gyrated her hips against his rock hard bulge— impatient to get the private show started.

“Hngh..” The corner of her lips twitched, shamelessly rubbing up on him faster than before, harshly bucking her heated core into Jungkook’s fat cock. A strained moan left her parted lips, lustful eyes fluttering open once again— yet not fully, her gaze was dimmed with want. It was as if she had something lingering on the tip of her tongue.

“Call me Jisoo..” The said woman curtly left it at that, loving the way her name dripped from his mouth.

"Jisoo..." He let her name roll off his tongue, his tone lowering several octaves at her desperation for him. He loved being wanted like this. He decided to swiftly lift her once more, arms tightly wrapped around her, hands grasping her ass to keep her pressed against his body as he headed towards his bed. At first, he'd glanced at the couch-- but that was too stained with memories...

He gently placed her on her back on top of the soft duvet, her legs dangling off the edge & his eyes blown wide with awe at the sight beneath him. Wasting no time, he curls his fingers around her waistband to tug it down-- eager to once more see what he'd gotten a taste of last time.

She stared up at the swirling ceiling with obvious suspense, biting down on her lip as she awaited Jungkook’s next move. The man was so unpredictable, yet not.

Jisoo would be one hell of a liar if she said it wasn’t the least bit nerve wracking. Despite what everyone else might think, she wasn’t the most confident in her body. One of her hands rested atop her stomach, scared that Kook possessed the freaky power to make out the faint stretch marks through the fabric of her shirt. The woman’s soppy cunt clenched around nothingness, excited for Jungkook’s touch.

Jungkook peeled the fabrics down and threw them on the floor, dropping to his knees by the foot of the bed between her legs, hands pulling her further down closer to his face. He takes a good look, curiosity and arousal evident in his gaze. He's a little nervous, honestly. He's never done this before-- but man, would he try his best. He always wants to do well, whatever it is.

''Gonna taste you, okay?'' He gives Jisoo a heads up, but doesn't wait to actually get a reply before he inches closer, a flattened tongue licking one long, slow lick along her slit.

Her spine promptly arched up from the duvet, the perky nipples on her soft chest straightforwardly pointed up towards the ceiling. The hand that once rested on her stomach now gripped a handful of Jungkook’s hair, hips jittering as the latter gifted her pussy the slightest bit of attention. Still, it was more than enough for someone as sensitive as Jisoo.

Namjoon didn’t take his sweet time with her.. maybe that’s why she was enjoying Jungkook much more.

A low groan emitted from Kook’s throat at the sweet taste, nothing like anything he's ever had on his tongue. Different, for sure. He wasn't sure exactly how he liked it, but it wasn't...terrible.

He started to feel more confident by the reactions he managed to draw from her, allowing his tongue to explore her folds, spreading them with his thumbs. The glistening juices seeped out for him-- it was incredibly alluring.

''So sweet..'' He murmured into her cunt before lapping at her juices, growing greedy for more of her sounds. As he went on, continuously and slowly licking at her pussy, he found her swollen clit; giving it a gentle suck as he used one finger to tease at her hole.

Her frail body squirmed under his brazen administrations.

Jisoo’s other hand grasped onto a handful of the sheets whilst her spread legs quivered, Jungkook’s long curls occasionally grazing against her inner thigh.

“O-oh god...” The woman threw her head back with a pitiful whimper, losing the common ability to string together coherent sentences. She was too caught up under Jungkook’s spell— more specifically the way the man’s dexterous tongue worked on her smooth folds, cleaning Jisoo up only for her to wet his nose and lips even more. Her rosy cunt was a watergate. She liked giving the younger man something to look forward to..

Jungkook groaned quietly when she gently tugged at his long curls, the way her body tensed up and relaxed under his ministrations only spurred him on to want to do more, to make her feel good. His long, calloused finger sunk into her soppy hole, some of her juices leaking down to his knuckles. The younger's mouth never stopped working her clit, alternating between flicking his tongue and gentle sucks. He felt her cunt throb around his finger, deciding to add a second digit to fill her up further as his other hand reached down to unzip his pants and pull his own length out to jerk himself off.

''Jisoo..'' he pulled back momentarily, placing chaste needy kisses on her lower lips, ''Want you to taste me too...please?''

Jisoo was fucked— completely and utterly stuffed with the overwhelming sensations bursting from within her, causing her to jolt in her own skin. For a supposedly gay man, Jungkook was doing one hell of a satisfying craft. He knew where her sweet spots hid, how to drive her over the edge just enough for Jisoo to incoherently beg for more, her soaked cunt squeezing onto his thick, nimble fingers.

The younger man was.. everything.

His unpredictable skills in the bedroom only added to her intense infatuation.

At the hot, raspy sound of her name, Jisoo detached the back of her head from the mattress.

Her skin was a crimson color as she lustfully gazed down at him; Kook’s chin and nose were smothered in her juices. And despite the circumstances, he mirrored a perfect painting.

The woman slowly sat up on the duvet, biting down on her lip at the enticing sight of Jungkook’s large cock.

“You’re already leaking..” She cooed to herself, hands sensually running up his muscular thighs, dipping at his noticeable V-line.

Jisoo sat up, only to kneel down in front of Jungkook.

“Jisoo noona is going to make you feel good, okay?”Her smaller fingers wrapped around the girthy base, giving the rigid skin a teasing squeeze. “Jungkookie, you’re so big..”

She pressed an open mouthed kiss onto the reddened tip, deliciously staining her lips with the man’s precum. “I don’t know how it’s going to fit..” A string of glistening liquid ran down her inner thighs. With one last look at his face, Jisoo’s warm mouth engulfed the mushroom tip, slowly sinking down onto the remaining inches.

His eyes quiver at the switch in her demeanor, his aching length already twitching in her mouth with every graze of her nails on his thighs-- aside from the obvious tongue that was teasing the underside of his cock while she sunk down on him. Now this sensation was something he was more familiar with..

"Shit..." he hissed out in no direction in particular, eyes widening at how well she took his cock, "S-slower...." he stuttered out, jaw clenched. He knew he wouldn't even be able to hold himself from cumming if Jisoo went too fast.

With a vague hum, she paced herself like he’d demanded her to do. Jisoo hollowed out her cheeks whilst she hungrily swamped the remaining inches into her tight mouth, tongue skillfully lapping over the gritty, yet smooth foreskin. She immersed herself in her work, the tip of Jungkook’s cock effortlessly prodding at the back of her throat. Jisoo’s nails clung on deeper to the protruding muscles, bobbing her head to a continuous beat as she desperately fought the tears stinging at her clenched eyes, the soreness in her jaw not a main factor as she continued to suck him off. All Jisoo could think about was having his cock in her, stretching out her cunt instead of her mouth.

Jungkook allowed himself to indulge in this feeling for a short while, but as his greed is begging for more, his hands gently moved the fallen strands of her hair away from her face. He places a palm on her cheek, urging her to stop.

"I want..." his voice was breathy and needy, cock still twitching in her mouth at his own words, "I want to fuck you…?" Maybe it sounded like a begging, or maybe he was asking himself; did he want to? He was pretty sure. His entire being was clouded with lust, all he wanted was to find out just how Jisoo’s cunt felt.

When she pulled off his cock with a pop, he did not spare a moment to reposition them both, jisoo on her back and himself on top, legs spread wide for her. He finally got rid of the remaining strains of his clothes, fully exposed to his noona.

"Jisoo." the way her name rolled off his tongue was like a plea and a question, hands placed behind her thighs to spread her further. He gazes down at her, as if waiting for her to tell him to continue.

She lastly discarded her flimsy shirt— not without hesitation. One hand tightly squeezed at her own breast, causing her nipple to jut out in between her delicate fingers.

Jisoo moaned, the way her name slipped past Jungkook’s lips had her weak.

The woman felt the cool air graze against her bare, rosy pussy, her wet folds parting further the more Jungkook spread her pale legs. She felt extremely exposed, yet not exposed enough.. Jisoo’s dimmed eyes traveled downwards to the ground, remembering about the spare condom in the back pockets of her forgotten shorts. She debated if it was even worth it.

The woman gulped.

Of course it was.. this is how she ended up pregnant in the first place. However, Jungkook was much more mature than her ex.. Surely he’d try to be careful, right?

She desperately wanted to give him the raw, tender experience.

With a shaky exhale, Jisoo nodded softly.

“Just don’t cum in me. I won’t be able to afford to take care of your baby..” She jokingly teased in the midst of the situation, although a small part of her was serious.

Jungkook's wide eyes quickly softened at the joke, leaning down to hover over her body and place a kiss on her nose.

''Okay.'' He whispered, moving down to kiss her on the lips in reassurance, one elbow placed next to her head to keep himself steady as the other reached down to guide the tip of his length to her hole. Slowly, he advanced his hips forward to let it sink in-- even with the wetness and preparation, it was a snug fit. Jungkook's eyes fluttered shut, eyebrows gradually pulling together as he continued to move forward until he bottomed out inside of her. He remains still for a moment, lips parting in a breathy curse at the new sensation.

''Oh…”

Jisoo bit back a drained string of moans, whimpering softly at the inward drag of Jungkook’s hardened cock planting itself deeper into her tight cunt, the tip unknowingly poking at her sensitive cervix. She squirmed, shamelessly groping at her sore breasts. The woman patiently waited until he opened his eyes to grant them her gaze. “H-how does it feel, Jungkookie?” Her hands settled for Jungkook’s rigid shoulders, not daring to move an inch until the younger felt comfortable enough to unfreeze.

His eyes opened halfway to meet hers, a smile tugging at his lips before his jaw fell back open when he drew his hips back, only to slowly drive himself back as deep into her cunt as possible, the tight, wet warmth treating his entire length with the utmost pleasure.

''It feels good... Tight...'' he sighs in content, his cock twitching inside of her already as it craved more friction-- and he decided to repeat the slow, long movements of his hips, every single muscle in his torso dancing beneath the skin to keep himself steady and his rhythm gentle. Jisoo's cunt felt great, but a small part of his brain couldn’t help the way it kept reminding him that it wasn’t Taehyung-- And another part of him shook it off. That was the point entirely.

“Good..” Her sharp nails swam deeper into his skin, leaving behind crescent-like marks along the flexed flesh. “F-faster, baby..” Jisoo paid no attention to the pet name, instead fully focusing on deliberately clenching down on Jungkook’s throbbing cock, liking the way it twitched from inside of her.

A set of her fingers smoothly weaved their way through his curls, brushing away the strands that streamed down his hazed eyes. Jisoo wanted to make sure she was all he saw.

Jungkook obliged to her wishes, his thrusts gradually speeding up-- and with every snap of his hips, the bulbous tip of his cock nudged her deepest parts. Low, breathy moans began to escape his plush lips as he kept his gaze transfixed on her face for reactions.

It was weird in a sense, how his mind constantly wanted to subconsciously compare two entirely different people. How his ex-boyfriend’s face morphed into pleasure when he did this specific move-- and then Jisoo during the same. No... he shook his head to get rid of any thoughts. Thinking was bad. All he wanted was to feel, so he sped up further, sitting up on his knees to place his hands behind her knees once more, firmly pushing her legs up to give this new angle a try. Kook was less tender now, desperate to drown himself in pleasure, fucking into her squelching hole as he gave her a perfect view of his sculpted body working her.

"You're so gorgeous," he praised through breathy grunts, sweat forming on his brow as his gaze focused on her breasts bouncing with every jolt he forced through her body.

Jisoo’s clouded eyes nearly rolled back to her skull, crying out in utter satisfaction the more Jungkook relentlessly screwed into her dripping pussy, the slickness making it easier for his cock to slide in and out without budging.

“Jungkook..!” She gaspingly screamed out his name, forcing her eyes to fall on the strong muscles projected in front of her, before they shifted over to the man’s face. Jisoo playfully squeezed and tugged at her nipple— as best as she could with Jungkook’s every sloppy thrust, secretly wanting him to get a taste.

“S-suck on them, Jungkookie..” The woman pleaded, fingers hastily rubbing over the erect bud, lips parting in a whiny whimper.

Jungkook gave her a few more punishing thrusts before once again changing his position, letting her legs fall to the bed as he leaned down, one hand cupping her breast to guide her nipple to his mouth as the other served as leverage on the mattress. A muffled moan rumbled in his throat as he sucked on her perked bud, flicking it with his tongue whilst his thrusts never wavered even once. Instead, his hips picked up the tortuous phase, now fucking into her with greed for more of her noises; wondering if she could cum from his cock alone.

A layer of sweat formed on his skin, dark locks clinging to his forehead-- other strands of hair dangling freely with the rocking of their bodies.

Fuck, it felt good. He wouldn't be able to last much longer like this.

Kook’s eyes peered up at Jisoo, making a show out of the way his lips encased her nipple, his doe eyes blown out with his playful arousal.

The woman’s frail body couldn’t handle the intense amounts of pleasure seeping in from what seemed like every direction. Her swollen cunt was getting close to fucked out, every quickened, harsh slap of the younger’s balls against her folds further toyed with Jisoo’s electrifying senses, making her wriggle helplessly underneath his towering body.

With tired eyes, she looked down into Jungkook’s playful pair, moans becoming higher in pitch from the way his tongue lapped around her hardened nipple.

“So good..” The devilish sight was endearing in a way, the woman never would’ve thought she would find herself in this situation— taking all of Jungkook’s cock like a pro.

“I-I’m going to cum-!” Jisoo’s back arched up from the bed, pushing more of her breast into Kook’s mouth. She tightly held onto him for needed support, feeling her high painfully take its time to burst.

Jungkook pulled away from her nipple with a pop, strings of saliva falling onto the younger chin, unbothered by anything. He was a man with focus, and he was adamant to make Jisoo cum as hard as possible. He placed both of his arms on each side of her, able to use his core strength further; fucking her like it was the last thing he'd ever get to do in this life.

"Cum, J-Jisoo...." he nods, begging her to find her release through his cock. Quicker than he'd hoped, he felt his own orgasm slowly making itself known in the firm of a pool of heat, muscles tensing in his Lower abdomen. And if his heavy, breathy grunts and moans were anything to go by-- he too would have to cum.

"You're so good, Jisoo--- fuck... I’m gonna cum too.."

“O-oh my god..! Just— just like that, baby!” Jisoo was close to tears, the blurred effect in her eyes tricked her into seeing clear stars, unable to focus on anything else but the way Jungkook was dead set on reaching her wanted climax.

“Fuuuck..” The woman’s head relentlessly snapped from one side to the other, the knot in her lower stomach coming loose with every determined thrust of Kook’s hips, her full breasts whipping harsher than before. She felt the sheets shift from underneath her, spawning a slight sting on her naked back. That didn’t matter, however. It was as if everything else was incapable of garnering her dizzy attention, all Jisoo was focused on was the way Jungkook was entering her over and over again, his raspy grunts comparable to music to her stuffy ears.

“A-ah! Jungkook..!” Not fully expecting the bomb to go off so soon, she loudly came over the man’s wet cock, squirting onto his pelvis and staining the sheets.

A tear managed to escape, slowly rolling down the corner of her eye.

Jisoo was fucked. Again.

Fuck, Jungkook wished that he could come inside so badly with the way Jisoos cunt was practically squeezing his cock as if it was begging for him to release inside-- but he promised not to… It took him every single drop of his strength to pull out of her, his length coated and glistening in her cum and juices. His eyes quickly flickered between his cock and back to her body, one hand reaching to hold her hip as the other wrapped around his length to stroke himself with vigor. A series of curses later, a high pitched whine choked into a broken moan got caught in his throat as his hips stuttered into his hand. Ropes of his thick cum dribbled onto Jisoos stomach, pooling at the dip of her bellybutton and trickling down her skin.

Kook threw his head forward, his eyes screwed shut as he slowed down the abuse he put his cock through by still stroking himself-- making sure every last drop of him was on her.

She drowned herself in the enticing sight unfolding before her, sticky skin shivering whilst Jungkook’s warm cum fell onto her gasping stomach, further adorning the sweaty flesh with his white-ish trail.

“That was amazing..” Jisoo breathed out through her heavy panting, a tired smile on faint display. The woman took a few more seconds to catch her breath, feeling Jungkook’s shed cum trickle down her slightly still stomach. She slowly opened her eyes, her pupils dilating at the glimpse of the younger man. With a small grunt, Jisoo sat up on the bed for easier access to his hand, gently pulling Kook down in a lying position next to her.

“You went out all the way..”

Her face inched closer to his, not hesitating in pressing a soft kiss onto his flushed cheek, then on his nose.. forehead, chin, and lastly, on Jungkook’s strained neck.

“So I’m gorgeous, hm?” She giggled, recalling what he’d called her during sex. Anything to keep the conversation going, Jisoo didn’t want to be left alone. Even if they were done fucking, she loved having Kook’s company.

Jungkook wiped his forehead with the back of his hand, letting it rest above his head as he took deep slow breaths to collect himself.

Glancing over at her, a small smile through closed teeth, "Yeah, so pretty."

He closed his eyes, exhausted from this entire day. He never seemed to have a calm day.

Jisoo didn’t allow her disappointment to seep onto her face, simply nodding with a small smile.

Was aftercare silly to want..? She wanted to feel Jungkook’s strong arms around her— in an innocent hold, hugging her close until they both fell asleep from exhaustion..

“Thank you,” The woman ran her fingers through his hair, looking up at him with obvious heart eyes. A touch of sadness lingered within them, though.

“I should get going..” Jisoo sighed, detaching herself from Jungkook’s side.

Jungkook reached out to graze the skin of her arm, gently squeezing it as his sleepy eyes lingered on her.

"You can stay...?" Honestly, he was exhausted-- but he didn't want to be left alone with his silence. Call him selfish, but it's what he needed. He didn't really ask for her reply before pulling her close into his arms.

Confused was an understatement, but Jisoo obliged to Jungkook’s leading touch. She snug closer into his chest, trying to put a stop to her heart’s drumming rhythm.

This wasn’t good.. Any of it. Jisoo had been aware that she was simply the younger man’s way out. She was his shitty sexual rebound, but the woman enjoyed his attention nonetheless.

It made her feel dirty.. used. Her liking towards Jungkook was far too strong, though. For someone as smitten as her, it would be stupid to pass on the opportunity to sleep in your crush’s arms.. There was always a part of Jisoo that wondered if she’d ever have a chance— slim to none. No other guy had caught her attention the way Kook held hers. So for right now, a casual fuck helped stitch the cracks in her heart.

Jungkook hummed in intent as he held Jisoo close, her cheek pressing against his chest. He gently stroked her back, the pads of his fingers feeling the smoothness-- and the vague dents of faded stretch marks.

"Noona..." the common name for her slipped through his teeth, his eyes remaining closed as he breathed slowly. But as he was about to figure out what he wanted to say-- it didn't come out. Instead, he simply shook his head and forced himself to fall asleep, the hold around Jisoo tightening, as if wordlessly telling her not to leave until morning.

~~~

“Yuna~ Open up for mommy..” Jisoo was sat cross-legged on the ground, trying to feed the little one her share of ‘carrot mush’ by airplaning the small spoonful in between Yuna’s pouty lips.

The woman even added silly sound effects, knowing how much she loved them. Still, her baby was extremely persistent. With a defeated sigh, Jisoo’s eyes wandered over to the tilted clock on her wall. School was dismissed, meaning Jungkook would invite himself into her apartment anytime soon.

As if it was pure magic, her daughter always ate whenever the younger man was present.

For some odd reason, Kook had little Yuna wrapped around his fingers..

They’ve spent a lot of time together; over the course of a week straight, he spent most of his time in her cozy apartment, helping her with Yuna. They had sex almost every night, without protection— Jisoo attempted to make Kook wear a condom once, but it turned out to be three sizes too small.. She was wise enough to know it was extremely irresponsible, but Jungkook seemed to always get a grip on himself.. The woman trusted him.

Her fingers desperately swam through her tangled hair, about to try and guide another useless spoonful to Yuna’s mouth when the little one’s doe eyes enlarged.

“Googie!”

She’d caught them by surprise a few nights ago while Jisoo prepared dinner.

Jungkook was playing with her when all of the sudden, Yuna said her first word! It still made the mother’s heart pound..

The woman glanced over her shoulder, smiling at the sight of ‘Googie’ whilst he discarded his shoes.

“Jungkook, hey.” She tiredly greeted, enamored with his presence.

Jungkook's toothy grin was wide, the warm greetings from the two girls had become somewhat of a habit by now.. and being deemed Yuna’s favourite 'Googie'.

"Hey," He chirped as he let his backpack fall to the floor by his shoes, a sign that he hadn't even bothered to go home, but went straight to Jisoo after school. He plopped down between the two of them, legs crossed. Leaning in, he placed a quick kiss on Jisoos cheek as he took the spoonful of carrot mush to sniff it. Kook pretended to eat some of it; a loud coo from Yuna echoing as she suddenly wanted all of the food to herself.

"Wow, you won't even share?" Jungkook scrunched his nose, feeding the little one as his eyes went back to Jisoo. "I want food too." He fake pouts.

Jisoo retracted her chin from Jungkook’s shoulder, hand playfully swinging at the younger’s bicep whilst her lips jutted out into a pout of their own.

“Yah, you were supposed to help me take care of one baby.”

Nonetheless, Jisoo sat up from her spot— not before returning the favor and stamping a chaste kiss onto the faint scar on Kook’s cheekbone.She rubbed the drowsiness out of her eyes, leaning down to smooth her dainty fingers over Yuna’s poof ball of raven hair before dragging her feet into the kitchen, rummaging through her pantry.

“Noodles sound okay, Googie?” Jisoo quietly chuckled under her breath, pushing aside the jars of baby food scattered along the counter.

Okay, maybe she was a /little/ jealous. She’s been trying to get Yuna to say ‘ma-ma’ for the longest time, but apparently the little one had different priorities..

"Yeah~" Jungkook puts the baby food down when the little one had devoured every single spoonful he offered, whining for him to pick her up with little chubby arms outstretched.

What a personality.

He did as Yuna wished and picked her up into his arms, rocking her carefully as she immediately tugs at his hair and burps.

"Such a lady.." kook jokes as he stood up with the child in his arms, heading into the kitchen to keep Jisoo company.

“How is it, does the burnt taste add a lil kick to it?” The corners of Jisoo’s beady eyes wrinkled as she laughed, vocally putting the blame on Jungkook for making her lose track of the stirring.

As it turns out, him and Yuna made quite the comedic duo. Which— would’ve been fine, if she didn’t suck at making noodles in the first place.

It was a bit of a challenge when Jisoo was trying to /not/ pee her pants from laughing too much..

Also, it didn’t help that the burner was too hot.

Sparing a quick glance at her daughter’s playpen; she slurped up another bite, stuffing her cheeks with the (somewhat) yummy goodness.

"It's delicious," Jungkook states matter of fact-ly. Even if it wasn't the most insanely delicious meal, it was made for him-- and that's what made it good. Plus, it beat his microwave noodles and granola bars any day.

"Noona, did I tell you that the big game is tomorrow?" He jumped in excitement, he'd been working his ass off for this.

"Do you think we will win?" He wiggles an eyebrow as he tilts the bowl back to drink up the remaining broth.

“Do I think you guys will win?” Jisoo seemed to ponder about the idea a second too long, dropping her skeptical act when she’d deemed enough.

“They have you on their team, don’t they? I’m sure you guys will win.”

The pad of her thumb gently brushed over Jungkook’s pouty lips, wiping away the temporary stains from the sauce. With a blinding smile, Jisoo slid closer to him, a fluttering gaze nailed to his soft eyes.

“You won’t mind us coming and cheering for you, right?” She leaned in closer, cupping the side of the man’s face.

“I’ll make sure to bring a big sign that says, ‘Go Jeon Jungkook! Noona is super proud of you’ with bright sparkly letters.. and— and glitter..” Jisoo was getting caught up on Jungkook’s inciting lips, her brain scrambling with her mumbled words. “..And a big cutout of your face..”

The woman broke out into a giggle, lips feathering against his.

“How does that sound~?” Not giving Kook any time to respond, she broke the distance between the two of them, pleasantly humming into their sweet kiss.

Jungkook smiles into the kiss, his large arms wrapping around her small frame to pull her closer, his hands settling to grip at her waist. He pulls back just enough to speak,

"Make it so sparkly that it blinds the other team." A nose scrunch grin later, he leaned back in to kiss her again. This one deeper, his plush lips gently sucking on Jisoos lower one, not ashamed to add a little tongue into his kisses, always loving the way her body reacts to his small ministrations

The woman blindly sat her half-finished bowl of burnt noodles on the coffee table— or desk— and as if her arms had a mind of their own, they fluidly circled around Jungkook’s neck.

Jisoo adored the way he took his time with her. Adored his touch, his particular taste, the dorky smile in between their kisses..

Kind of everything.

It was her turn to pull away, to scrunch her nose at their evil master plan.

“Blind the other team. Noted.” Just like that, Jisoo dived back for wanted seconds; and thirds, fourths as well, fifths.. So on until she didn’t bother to keep count.

~

Whoever thought Taehyung would last two weeks without stepping foot into Jungkook’s apartment building? No one, absolutely no one.

There he stood, antsy outside of his shitty car whilst he rocked on his feet. To make matters worse, Tae was accompanied by a relatively large stuffed animal— close to his height, to be precise. Bystanders’ drawn stares were to be expected..

He’d been wanting to gift the bear to Jisoo for a while now, but the fact that his ex boyfriend’s door lingered right next to hers was the bump in the road. It had taken a lot of self-restraint on Taehyung’s end to not reach out to Jungkook— to ask him if he could transport the stuffed animal to his close friend, of course. It’d make everything so much easier..

However, every time he thought he’d grown the balls, Tae just.. couldn’t. Plus, Kook appeared to be engrossed in his phone at all times, some might say he’s caught the ‘Jimin disease’.

What was so amazing about that damn phone? His thumbs always moved at the speed of lightning, obvious he was texting back and forth between someone..

Fuck. Taehyung’s jaw hardened at the thought.

Kook was horrible at texting, who seemed to have broken him out of his habits? Shaking his mind out of the gutter, the boy took a couple steps forward, hoping he wouldn’t come across Jungkook out of the blue. Practice was already awkward enough.

Taehyung knew the younger’s apartment number by heart. He decided to go off of his rusty memory, stopping a door too soon. He stared at the next door down, his grip on the stupid bear tightening out of deep dejection. Maybe if he just knocked on— Taehyung shook his head, frustrated at his intrusive thoughts.

The elder needed to get this done and over with, maybe then he’d go back to not thinking about Jungkook. This place triggered a lot of memories...

With a quiet sigh, Tae’s hand traveled upwards to knock on Jisoo’s door. He halted his movements midway, noticing it was cracked open. Confused, Taehyung pried through the noticeable gap.

And it was at that moment that he wished he wouldn’t have.

Jungkook was holding Jisoo close, and if that wasn’t enough to shatter his fucking heart, they were caught in a make out session. The elder’s breath hitched in his throat, the want to pull Jungkook away was too strong— too powerful.

Tae didn’t expect it to hurt this much.

~

Jungkook leaned in closer, kissing down Jisoo's jaw to her neck, his back facing Taehyung's way, her face in perfect view for Tae to see her expressions as the younger littered pecs and openmouthed kisses on her soft skin, hands roaming from her waist to sneak below her shirt up her back, her warm skin heating up his slightly colder hands. Completely unaware of the audience, Jungkook whispers into her skin between gentle bites on her collarbone,

''When we win tomorrow, you will reward me, won't you? I want something sweet,'' He squeezes the soft love handles by her hips.

Jisoo’s petite body livened up from the traces of Jungkook’s ghostly fingers trailing along her spine, her neck slightly angled to the side as she quench her thirst for the younger man’s guilty caresses.

“I-I’ll make it as sweet as you’d like, Jungkookie..“ The tremor in her lacking voice was obvious.

With one quick glance over her shoulder, Jisoo was glad to find Yuna absorbed in her rattling toys, unaware of the situation just a couple feet in front of her.

“H-hmm..” She quickly bit down on her lower lip, half-lidded eyes fluttering open only to meet a stranger’s face.

Well.. not necessarily a stranger.

Taehyung.

The boy had tears in his eyes; he was visibly hurting.

Both their gazes clashed— the passion swirling within them so different, one of lust and the other of burning distress.

Jisoo’s smaller lips parted in a soft moan, having a heavy stare down against Taehyung’s bruised ego. Tae, on the other hand, fled from the duel and roughly wiped away a stray tear, pretending he didn’t see anything. Internally panicking over what to do next, he left the stuffed animal outside of Jisoo’s door before getting out of there.

Jungkook's hands were travelling further up her back, about to attempt to pull her shirt up when a cry interrupted him.

"Ah...." he chuckled, nuzzling his nose into jisoo's neck, "guess that's it for the fun time.. little one has spoken."

Yuna cooed when he withdrew from her mother, giving a quick peck on Jisoos cheek before getting up to pick the child up in his arms. "Wanna watch some anime? There's a new episode out today~"

He nuzzled his nose in Yuna's hair, earning a small giggle as he nods, walking over to the couch to sit down next to Jisoo. "The child has spoken, it's anime night!"

~~~

“..And so, I caught them kissing. I just.. I don’t know. It made me realize how stupid I was for letting him go?” Taehyung feebly mourned, broad chest rising in sync with a deep inhale.

“I love him so much.. Ow! What the fu—“ Yerin shushed him, continuing to pluck away the overgrown hairs of Tae’s narrowed eyebrows.

“Sorry, just know they’re going to look fleek. Anyways, you were saying?”

The boy relaxed his tense expression, shifting a little on his spot. The background noise of Taylor Swift’s ‘You Belong With Me’ made it a little hard to think, and the tingling sensation on his skin wasn’t helping..

“Wait, it burns.” Tae hissed through his teeth. Mina, who was in charge of the clay mask, simply brushed him off.

“That’s how you know it’s working, your skin is gorgeous by the way! Do you exfoliate?”

“I don’t even know what th—“

“Taehyung, do you want something to drink?” Areum stopped trying to fight against his tangled hair, her wrist was sore from all of the harsh tugging. The boy’s eyes immediately lit up, practically smiling through the pain whilst Yerin fucked with his eyebrows.

“That’d be great… Uh, beer would be fine.”

“It’s bad for your skin!” Mina reminded, making sure she’d gotten every spot covered.

“How does sparkling grape juice sound?”

“Right..” Taehyung was starting to rethink his last-minute decision of showing up to Yerin’s sleepover. Is there no drinking in sleepovers..?

He desperately needed it for the pain they were putting him through.

‘Beauty hurts, Taehyung. Beauty hurts.’ He internally repeated to himself, Areum’s voice still so crystal clear.

“Sure. I’ll take some juice.”

As he watched Areum run out of the room, the boy sighed. He felt lost..

“How do you think I should win Jungkook back?”

Taehyung asked no one in particular, simply throwing it out there as he was desperate to get something. A blueprint would be nice, he’d never known how to undo one of his fuck ups.

Tae never felt the need to.. until now.

Yerin finished the torturous clean-up of Tae's eyebrows, examining with a content nod before raising her own at his question.

''Ladies! Assemble!''

She clapped her hands, all girls scooting closer-- and as if she was being summoned, Areum sprinted back with the drinks on a tray, placing it on the floor by them.

''Step one, you need to look your best,'' Yerin continued, glancing over at her friends that nodded in agreement, ''Which, thanks to us, you're even further than that.''

''Jungkook is gonna be unable to take his eyes off of you!'' Mina cooed, moving his long curls away from his eyes, ''But you need to talk to him.''

''Obviously he has to talk to him,'' Areum snickered, handing him the glass of juice, ''But you were the one who broke up with him, weren't you? I don't know how easy he is to talk to, but it doesn't take half a brain to guess that he's still hurting.''

''Right! You need to apologise-- soften him up! It'll be easy after drawing him in with the cuter visuals we've blessed you with.''

The girls kept throwing their 'wisdom' his way, different ways and words to reel Jungkook back in. The gist of it was, get his attention, find space for a conversation, apologise; and work from there.

Taehyung’s brain processed the girls’ main pointers.

Get Jungkook’s attention, talk to him, and apologize.

Seemed easy enough..

But Tae knew his boyfriend— or ex— well enough to know Kook tended to hold grudges. Understandably.

“You think so?” Maybe the younger would surprise him. Maybe he’d agree that all of this was worthless; the dirty looks, awkward tension— everything.

Taehyung just wanted to be with him, no matter what kind of vulgar, cliché names outsiders hurled at them.

“Yeah.. okay.”

He took a sip of the sparkling juice, a hint of a boxy smile evident behind the clear glass.

“You’re gonna get your man back!” Yerin proudly exclaimed, the rest of the girls joining in to express their excitement.

“Yeah!” Tae softly giggled, the tingling in his skin no longer his main concern.

“I’m gonna get my man back!”

Hopefully..

Tomorrow he’ll be able to put their suggestions to the test. Taehyung could only hope his confidence wasn’t for nothing..

© sombreboy 2020. Do not repost, edit or translate.

[zinaaat]

I need to pour my heart out and since this is the only place I can have a voice, without anybody knowing me in RL, it‘s this one. Even though I’m not even trzing to be heard, I felt super drawn to put this on here.

I have no clue what‘s going on right now, i feel super sad and lonely. Lonely not in a sense, that I want someone to hold me or listen to me whatsoever, I just feel alone. Like I’m trapped and there’s no other being than myself. No guidance, no god, no angels, ancestor, higher self, etc.

Today I came to the honsest conclusion that I don‘t love anybody unconditionally, I dont even knpw what love, being loved or feeling fully loved means. How am I supposed to love other people, if people who were supposed to have my back or love me, didnt?

I seriously started thinking about all the people who were in my life as a kid who I felt loved by, because I grew up very loved and spoiled and was treated like a princess. And I realized that everybody I held dear to my heart, left me. They either distanced themselves, moved to another country, or died. And the people who stayed, I never felt like they loved me, not even as a child. My heart got broken so many times as a little kid, up until now, not even talking about romantic relationships,but about familx relations etc.

I asked myself so many times if Im even worthy of love and if my love is deadly. everyone I loved died, or their love for me did. I am so hurt about my past, I cant even describe it. Atp its not even about how many times that that happened, but im looking at these pictures of myself, being a little girl and having had to feel that and not even being in control of the situations and outcomes. How all of these circumstances affect me as a person today. Things that I wasnt even responsible for. I dont even know what to do with all this hurt and this pain, theres nothing I can tell my inner child to comfort it, to make it feel ok, to forget it. I cant grasp this feeling. I really considered therapy but, how does that change anything? I still will have to manage it and accept it. Therere people idek how to talk to anymore, because i cant be mad about these things forever, right? So, now what?

Ending life wouldnt make sense, because i believe in being energy and nrgy doesnt die, its infinite, so that wouldnt be an option because this will go on and on. I am so tired of all of it and carrying all this bagage. I know that all of us go thru things and we all have our obstacles, i just dont get why. Ive been on holiday by myself for over a month now and all of these thoughts came up today, and I really have to say: at another point i wouldve thought its me and it was me alll along, but its not. I am not and i never was and none of that was ever my fault. I love myself and my company so much, i dont crave the company of other people. Thats so interesting for m to be like that, bcause im so out there and such an extrovert and likable and social, that me going out of my way to avoid people, is interesting.

I crave loving someone deeply and being loved and i think this is why im so fixated on having children and already loving them more than life itself, even though i dont have any, and that might be the answer to why i love them so much. Those are the only people i love, they havent broken my heart, because they dont exist. Thats actually super sad, being a person with so much love to give and still not being abl to love someone and never having xperieced feeling loved (not romantically)

These are usually the trades that peopl have, who tend to be drawn to toxic people and relationships and Im so happy Im not allowing myself to put myself thru that asw ell.

Im vry tired of carrying these emotions with me, because i do not knpw what to do with them and how to handle them and i really wish i could end all of this

090820

[shine-skz-blog]

[3:06 pm]

“Come on, come on, come on!”

You threw your head back and let out a frustrated groan. Months you had waited for this game to come out, and now it was taking forever to download. It felt like you couldn’t wait another second. Hopping to your feet, you walked laps around the living room before lying in just about every position possible on the couch.

“Hurry up!”

You whined again as the bar sat at 99% for what felt like an eternity. However, once the bar filled and the title screen for the game appeared, you tumbled off your couch. Your head bumped the coffee table softly, but you were too excited to care.

“Finally”

Quickly, you pushed the coffee table out of the way so you could sit closer to the television. You grabbed your favorite controller, and with a huge smile on your face, you started a new game.

Hours passed like seconds as you sat on the floor, eyes glued to the screen. Falling in love with the characters and the storyline, you were completely enveloped into your new fantasy world. However, you were rudely interrupted by the ding of your phone.

↳ Binnie🖤

Come to the door, love

Rapidly glancing back and forth between your phone and the screen, you tapped the speech to text button. An important scene of the game was playing, and you couldn’t risk missing it.

Y/n🧸↲

Just come inside, it’s open

Keeping your eyes on the screen even as you heard the knob turn, your jaw slowly opened, hanging there in surprise. The backstory of the villain danced around the screen, and your eyes didn’t miss a single beat. You couldn’t help the sympathy that was growing for the so called “evil” character. He wasn’t necessarily bad, he just had things he had to protect, and sometimes he had to do some awful things to keep them safe.

“Y/n?”

The voice of your boyfriend made you jump in surprise, though you still didn’t look at him. His gaze slowly followed yours to the scene on the television. A soft chuckle escaped his lips, he knew how you and your games were.

“How long have you been sitting there?”

You waited for the cutscene to end before you even thought about replying.

“Depends, what time is it?”

“It’s 9:20”

Had it really been that long? Running a hand through your hair, you chuckled shyly.

“Six hours...”

The hesitation in your voice was prominent as you admitted the truth.

“Y/n, love, you should take a break...”

Changbin reached for your controller, but you snatched it away, your eyes finally landing on him for the first time since he walked into your house.

“No, I can’t quit now!”

A defeated sigh escaped your boyfriend’s lips as he sat down behind you, and wrapped his arms around your waist.

Another hour had passed and you hadn’t laid your eyes on him once. He’d try to keep his loose hold on you, but you shook him off the second you had to fight something. Changbin had come to your house hoping to share the good news of the time he finally had off. He had looked forward to your eyes lighting up and being smothered with hugs and kisses. He looked forward to carefully planning what you two could do in his free time, the last thing he expected was this. All he wanted was to feel your touch, but you were ignoring him, and it was killing him. A groan unwillingly escaped his lips as he nuzzled his face into your neck, placing soft kisses to your skin. Your hand flew his to his shirt, gripping it tightly as you pushed him back.

“I’m sorry, Binnie, not right now... There’s some leftovers in the fridge if you’re hungry though”

The male got up quickly, leaving you on the floor as he headed to the kitchen. He wasn’t hungry, not at all, but he was getting upset. The last thing he wanted was for you to notice that though. How could you put him on the back burner when he finally had time off? He opened the fridge, pretending that he was looking for something.

“You know, love, I have a few days off and I was hoping we could spend them together? Quality time, just you and me?”

His voice gently called out as he closed the fridge. Changbin was trying hard to just drop a subtle hint, something that wouldn’t upset you, but would get him the attention he wanted.

“That’s wonderful, babe! Then I’ll have enough time to finish this game and spend time with you when I’m done!”

Complete and utter backfire

Your lover clenched his jaw in response. He couldn’t believe just how dense that stupid game was making you. Marching into the living room to finally demand what he wanted, he found you on your feet with a new intensity in your gaze on the screen.

“That’s him, Binnie, my favorite character! I know he’s supposed to be the bad guy, but I really do like him... You know, how would it make me a hero to take him down when I know the things he’s protecting will suffer? How is me indirectly killing the things he loves any better than what he’s doing? I guess the hero and the villain just depend on what side you see it from. I wouldn’t mind joining his side, he’s really dark and mysterious, such an amazing character... But oh well, a game is a game, right?”

He knew it was just a game as well, but the way you worded it all, he didn’t know why, but he absolutely despised it.

“I can be dark too”

Changbin was trying hard to validate himself after hours of being ignored, but it was no use.

“Please, Binnie, we all know you’re the softest person on earth”

Had you truly thought it through, you would’ve realized what was happening, and what Changbin truly meant by what he said. Though you were still so wrapped up in your game that you didn’t even notice. His heart fell, it shouldn’t have bothered him so much, but it truly did. His sadness didn’t last long however, but became full fledged jealousy for the game that stole your attention. Once you sat down again, Changbin sat in front of you, leaning his head into your lap and holding onto your waist. After a bit, he slowly lifted his upper body, forcing himself between your arms as you held your controller out in front of you.

“Bin, I can’t see, what are you doing?”

“You love me, right?”

Your eyes flicked to him for the first time in what felt like forever to him, and he savored the second of attention before they went back to the screen.

“Of course I do, a lot, you know that”

“More than anything else?”

“Yes, sweetheart”

Your answer was quick as if you wanted to stop talking. Changbin growled slightly, but tried hard to keep his cool. His hands went up to your cheeks and cupped them softly, placing a kiss on your nose before he rested his chin on your shoulder. He was facing away from the television, and if he got any closer to you, he’d be sitting in your lap.

“Baby, I love you, really, but I can’t focus like this”

“Then don’t focus on that”

Carefully, your boyfriend pulled the controller out of your hand and hit the pause button. Your arms fell to your sides now that you had nothing to hold.

“Focus on me, please”

His voice was desperate, and you could feel just how much he needed your attention. Slowly, you moved your eyes from the screen to meet his gaze. The sadness in his eyes was evident, and you finally realized just how lonely he must’ve felt the whole time. You went to wrap your arms around him, but instead he grabbed your wrists and pulled you forward. A soft yelp escaped your lips, and before you realized it, you were completely enveloped in his embrace.

“Please, y/n, I can’t stand another second without your soft touch... I’m sorry if I come on a little strong, but I’m desperate for your attention”

“No, Binnie, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have ignored you”

Cupping his face in your hands, you placed a sweet kiss to his lonely lips. Changbin looked you in the eyes as you pulled back. He shot you a smile before tightening his grip on your waist and kissing you again, longer this time, as if you were all he had. You moved your lips slowly with his, and when he finally pulled back, he took your breath with him. Without pause, he began to pepper kisses all over your face. You couldn’t help but laugh at his actions, he was always the sweetest.

“Sure, video games are great, and the characters are lovely, but could they ever make you happy like I do?”

A hint of jealousy lingered in the male’s voice, and you didn’t fail to notice.

“Bin, not anyone or anything could make me as happy as you do, nothing could ever come even close to taking your place in my heart.

“I love you with everything I am, y/n”

“I love you too, Binnie, so much”

Changbin’s heart warmed from your words as he gazed at you lovingly. Suddenly, however, you pushed him backwards and crawled on top of him when he was down. Resting your head on his chest, you slowly lied on top of him, earning you a soft chuckle in return. His fingers slowly combed through your hair as his arm wrapped around your waist and you felt your eyelids grow heavy.

“I’m gonna make you cuddle me for your whole vacation if you keep playing with my hair like that...”

A soft mumble escaped your mouth, and was muffled softly due to you nuzzling into his chest, but he still understood.

“It would be an honor to cuddle you for days straight, y/n...”

That was the last thing you heard before you drifted off to sleep sprawled out on the floor with your boyfriend. It wasn’t perfect, but you wouldn’t trade the moment for anything.

[mysteli]

normality (kamilah x mc)

A/N: just a cute little date scenario. I was gonna add smut but then this fic wouldve a lot longer so I just implied it. enjoy!

Warning: T (innuendo and swearing)

Words: 3746

PERMA TAG LIST: @brightpinkpeppercorn@cocomaxley@hopefulmoonobject@alesana45@jellybean-marshmellow@mymandrake@regrettingnathan@dobie2112@princesstopgun@mechaspirit@skyila@mind-reader1 @xo-endlessmayhem-xo@sakaily@justboredtrash@regina-and-happiness@flyawayblue56@annekebbphotography@endlessly-searching-for-you@reginasayeed@zigortega4life@abbiebishopsie@eileendannie@alesana45@diamondoasis@speedyoperarascalparty @liam-rhys@idonthaveachoice@gayyyyyy69@forgottenl0v3r@choicesfanboy@carlieg20@skydoesntblue@fanfictionreccomendations @mkatschoicesblog @indiacater @nitta-jaeguet

This fic: @riseandshinelittleblossom@therocksofmay@ilovekamilahsayeed@tephy24@queerchoicesblog@gavryllo@shanonfernandes @kinda-iconic@satansangellover @hayden-park@countrymusicandncis-blog@psychopathdreamer21@tigerbryn11 @reginasayeed@lovemeshamelessly@a-meredith @jellymonster@give-me-ernest-sinclaire @demonknightrevelations @torifontaine @zoe6111 @pcktsprgrl @esteladannishreyakamilah @timmagicktoad

tagged everyone from my last kamilah fic and those voted for her

Masterlist

Summary: Elena and Kamilah decide to go on a real first date but Kamilah is worried it may not bring normality into their relationship 

BLOODBOUND FANFICTION NORMALITY

Elena enters her apartment in a slight huff, completely and utterly stressed from her exhausting day at work. Adrian really expects a lot from her and you’d think because they’re close friends that he’d go a little easy on her when it comes to assignments and deadlines. But no. He’s worse than any typical uptight boss and it seems like he has fun piling Elena’s desk with work. But Elena doesn’t feel the same way about it.

Her energy hasn’t had a chance to recover all day and all she wants is time to herself to calm down and gain her normality back. A bubble bath sounds so damn good right about now and it sure would help Elena lose some of the tension in her body.

With that peaceful thought clearing some of the doubts in her mind, Elena shuts the door to her apartment and leans back against it for a moment, exhaling sharply and wiping the sweat off her forehead as she attempts to will herself to stay awake, even though she feels like she could collapse into a deep slumber at any given moment. 

She shrugs off her coat and blindly hangs it up, before kicking off her shoes and dropping her bag on the counter as she wanders aimlessly into her bedroom. Once she makes it inside, her mind is solely focused on the idea to have a nice, peaceful bubble math and release the stress corrupting her body and head. Damn you, Adrian. 

Elena takes a quick glance in the mirror, noticing how messy her appearance has become over the long day of working. Shaking the uneasy feeling off, she wanders into the bathroom to collect a towel. While she’s she in there, she quickly strips down for her bubble bath and wraps the towel around her waist, running a hand through her dark blonde hair as she exits back into the bedroom. She lifts her head from staring at the ground and her lime eyes widen with shock, her body almost turning inside out, by what she unexpectedly finds when she glances back up.

“Holy fuck!!” She yelps, barely able to clutch her towel in time so it can’t fall from her bare body. If possible, her jaw could easily be on the floor right now. Elena can’t believe what’s standing before her right now. Well... more like a who. “Jesus fucking Christ, you scared the shit out of me, Kamilah.”

That’s right. Kamilah Sayeed stands dominantly before Elena, who is still a stunned mess after that unexpected scare. Sure, Kamilah is a vampire so surprise visits should be common to Elena by now but seriously, Kamilah could have knocked or something instead of scarring Elena with a shock she won’t ever forget. It’s easy to admit, however, that Kamilah looks pretty damn good right about now, with her brunette hair cascading down her shoulders and her lips curve up into an amused smirk at the sight of Elena all startled. 

“Well, you don’t have to look so proud.” Elena points out, narrowing her eyes at the vampire queen and her smirk only widens in response. 

“Just know, I didn’t mean to scare you. You only need to be more aware of your surroundings.” Kamilah counters, throwing a hand on her hip as she takes a step closer to Elena, noticing how her fear is starting to fade.

“Gee, thanks. I’ll work on that.” Elena mutters, her light green eyes rolling back at Kamilah’s teasing comment. Suddenly, Elena furrows her brows when she notices how Kamilah has suddenly fell silent as her eyes glide over Elena’s barely covered body. 

A worthless towel stops Kamilah from a full view but that certainly doesn’t hold back her imagination. Her dark eyes flash crimson for a mere second as her desire for Elena begins to build up. She remains still for a moment, trying her best not to be tempted but that sure as hell doesn’t last long.

In one swift motion, it only gives Elena one chance to blink before Kamilah ends up behind her, her hands gripping Elena by the hips and her hot breath looming over the blonde’s neck. She presses their bodies together and she moves Elena’s hair to one side so she can access her neck. It only takes a silent moment for her to start planting kisses on the base of Elena’s neck.

Elena arches her head back and sighs out of satisfaction on Kamilah’s shoulder. The kisses remain soft and tender but still unbelievably powerful. “Is that why you came here? So you could do this.” Elena mutters, a moan escaping her halfway through her words as Kamilah’s hands grazes over the bare skin that starts right after the hem of the towel. 

Kamilah pauses her sensual actions upon hearing that, breathing against Elena’s skin which only makes her body tense up even more with pleasure. Kamilah leans away for a moment, meeting Elena’s eyes and narrowing her own.

“Hey, you.” Kamilah whispers in a husky tone and Elena sucks in a sharp breath as Kamilah continues letting her fingers trace over the skin of Elena’s thigh, slowly making her way further up and under the material of the towel. 

“Hey...” Elena breathily responds, her mind unable to function properly from the affection Kamilah is giving her right now. Even as much as featherlight touch is enough for Elena to be at Kamilah’s beck and call and unconditionally at her mercy. “You didn’t answer my question.”

With that, Kamilah pauses and shifts positions again, using her speed to somehow end up in front of Elena once again, except a lot closer than she was before. Her eyes skim over Elena’s exterior once more and she finds her eyes darkening with desire but she’s somehow still able to keep the crimson out of her eyes, otherwise that’s when danger shines through. Elena watches Kamilah’s expression carefully, noticing how a conflict plays out on her features. It’s like a battle to determine if the vampire can resist Elena or not.

Kamilah finally shakes her head and approaches Elena, grasping each side of her shoulders and letting her hungry gaze roam over Elena’s body. A smirk crosses her lips as she prepares to speak. “I had other intentions but it’s not like I expected you to be in nothing but a towel when I showed up.” Kamilah points out, leaning in so she lips brush against Elena’s. 

Elena can’t help but smirk back, biting her lower lip at the sight of a desirable Kamilah mere inches away. “May I ask what those other intentions were?” She teases, their foreheads grazing each other’s for a moment and just that little ounce of physical contact is enough to stifle a groan out of Kamilah.

In a flash, her speed causes both her and Elena to end up against the closet in her bedroom, with Kamilah pinning Elena down by her wrists and the longing on Kamilah’s features is painfully obvious. But she has to hold back if she wants to get any words out and not get carried away before her recent idea can be quickly forgotten.

“I realise we’ve never really had a chance to... act like a normal...” Kamilah trails off, her courage faltering the more she overthinks and Elena forms a small smile when she catches on to what she’s trying to say.

“...Couple?” 

Kamilah nods quickly in agreement. “Yes... that. I just wasn’t sure if we were in that place.” She admits and the vulnerable side of her starts to shine through again. Elena adores it when the weaker side of her finds a way to crack through her defence walls because it reveals a more genuine side to Kamilah. 

“Well, I’d say we are.” Elena corrects, leaning in for a sweet kiss and Kamilah responds eagerly, releasing her grip on Elena’s wrist and letting her roam as freely as she pleases. “Anyway... you were saying?”

Kamilah runs a hand through her brunette hair and clears her throat to continue. “Er, yes. I came to find out that we’ve never really... been on, what do you call it...” Once again, Kamilah trails off, her body tensing up as her nerves start to realise. Never did she think she’d been in a place where she’d be as awkward and vulnerable as she is right now. Elena giggles at how adorable Kamilah is being right now and she immediately once again catches on to what Kamilah is trying to say.

“...a date?” Elena folds her arms and an amused smile crosses her lips. 

Kamilah closes her eyes and sighs, nodding rather hesitantly this time. “Sorry... I’m just... new to this.” She admits, hanging her head and pacing away from Elena in order to shield her embarrassment. But, of course, Elena sees right through her like she’s made of glass. Smiling reassuringly, Elena approaches Kamilah and cups her cheek in a comforting manor, tilting her chin up so their eyes meet and giving her the most reassuring look possible.

“Hey, it’s okay. I get it. If it makes it any easier... I’d love to go on a date with you.” Elena whispers, joining their foreheads and Kamilah can’t help but form a smile at the acceptance to her offer. She plants a brief kiss on Elena’s lips and can’t seem to let her grin fade. 

“You have no idea how terrified I was about that, Elena.” Kamilah confesses, her shoulders slumping back in relief and Elena just giggles in reaction, a sudden thought entering her mind.

“So wait, what were you thinking we could do?”

“Well, what the normal folk do, I assume. Dinners and wine are very popular and I actually already booked us in at an elegant restaurant.” 

Elena furrows her brows upon hearing that, not sure how Kamilah managed to think of something like that. “Heh, how did you manage to come up with that?”

Kamilah’s eyebrows raise rather nervously at Elena’s assumption and she fiddles with the ends of her brunette hair. “What do you mean? I came up with that by myself.” She corrects but once again, Elena sees right through her act.

“Stop, Kami. Seriously... how?” Elena urges and Kamilah lets out a heavy sigh, raising her hands in surrender.

“...I may or may not have asked Adrian for recommendations.” She hesitantly relents, her back slouching and her dignity falling as well. She rolls her eyes as she notices Elena trying so hard to suppress her laughter. “You laugh and I’ll cancel. I mean it.” She warns, pointing sharply at Elena and she motions her hand over her lips as if she’s zipping it shut and locking it with a key. 

“See? I’m not laughing. Now, so this place is elegant right so do I need to dress up?” 

Kamilah nods in agreement. “I’d say yes.” She agrees, making her way to the bedroom door as Elena begins wandering back into the bathroom. “Meet me at the restaurant at 6. I’ll be sure to text you the name and address of it.” 

Elena blindly gives Kamilah a big thumbs up as she disappears into the bathroom. “Great. Can’t wait!”

With that, Kamilah exits the bedroom, her only worry being the outcome of this date. Will it go well to will it go wrong? Kamilah can only hope she listens to Adrian’s tips that he provided for her. After all, this is her first date in a long time and it’d be a little awkward if Elena ever found out about that. 

Elena finally finds herself in front of a pretty fucking fancy restaurant with the name of a French word that she’ll never be able to pronounce. This seems like a pretty Adrian choice for a date with its only little spin of Kamilah in it, which is probably why she asked him for recommendations. Despite the fancy aspect, Elena didn’t go completely all out with her outfit choice. She kept it fairly classy but not the obnoxious kind, wearing a crisp white dress that is isn’t overly low cut, revealing just the right amount of cleavage. The upper part clings to her curves perfectly while the lower part flows out to the ground. 

Waiting patiently outside the restaurant, Elena shoots Kamilah a quick text, asking where she is. Seconds later, Kamilah shows up like clockwork and her jaw immediately drops when she catches sight of Elena’s choice in clothing. She bites her lip in order to resist all the urges that run around her body and she barely manages to hold them back.

Elena is just as stunned by Kamilah’s appearance too, noticing how she’s chosen to dress in a burgundy floor length gown that is a lot slimmer than Elena’s. The fabric hugs her skin ever so elegantly and the top of the dress halters around her neck. Also, her dark brown hair has been curled into light waves and the strands fall down her front and she looks like a fucking angel.

Kamilah slowly makes her way over to Elena this time, due to the fact that they’re in public. Unable to fight one urge, she drags Elena in for a passionate kiss, snaking her tongue into her mouth and biting down on her lip ever so lightly, careful not to draw blood like she usually does. When they pull away, Elena is slightly dazed and she finds Kamilah eyeing her exterior once more.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” Kamilah whispers, smoothing our Elena’s blond hair and brushing her cheek with her thumb. 

“I can easily say the same thing about you.” Elena whispers back, knocking their foreheads together tenderly. Her eyes suddenly dart back up the stare at the restaurant and Kamilah follows her gaze curiously. “Fuck, you meant it when you said this place was fancy.”

“Told you. Now come on.” Kamilah urges, leading Elena in by the hand and the curiosity only increases about how this normal night could go.

Soon after settling into their table, wine is delivered to where Kamilah and Elena sit and Elena is surprised at the level of effort that has been put into this night.

“Damn... this is turning out to be a pretty normal date so far.” Elena points out, raising her glass of red wine towards Kamilah and offering up a toast. “To normality.” 

Kamilah raises her glass in return, clinking it with Elena’s as she repeats the toast. “To normality.” With that, they set their glasses down and that’s when Elena’s curiosity can’t be held in anymore.

Eyeing Kamilah with intrigue in her eyes, Elena leans her jaw against her fist and forms a small, eager smile. “So, tell me, Kamilah... what are you usually like on dates? I know the traditions have changed over the time you’ve been alive but there must be something that’s always stuck with you.” 

Kamilah is confused at first, her brows furrowing. “Like... a signature move?” She can’t say she has many since she hasn’t been on a date for god knows how long.

“Exactly. Come on, spill, Sayeed.” Elena urges, her curiosity too high to contain. She’s always wanted to know how Kamilah is so smooth and straight forward when it comes to romance yet she’s never really been the type to play the field or have brief flings. But Elena is still too intrigued to let this topic go lightly.

Kamilah hides her anxiety behind her glass of wine, as she tries to think of an excuse. Truthfully, she honestly can’t say she has a signature tone. She’s literally been on like five dates in her whole time of living and that is a long time. Before Elena, she was never really the type to dabble in romance. Sure she had more serious relationships but not enough dates to have a signature move. But the fact that Elena is asking makes her worry about how many she must have.

“Um...” With Kamilah’s failure to come up with a decent excuse, she decides to be honest with Elena. “I can’t say I have one.” Kamilah finally admits, hanging her head a little while also trying to act as nonchalant as possible. 

Elena is a little taken aback by Kamilah’s vague response, narrowing her life eyes at her recent girlfriend suspiciously. “Are you messing with me or are you being serious?” She dares to ask, giggling under her breath. 

Kamilah simply shakes her head. “I’m being serious. Is it so hard to believe that I have originality with each person I date?” She asks and that’s when Elena starts to feel slightly guilty for bringing up the topic in the first place.

“No... I just thought with how easy it is for you to... make people fall for you, you might have a reason for it.” 

Kamilah tilts her head to the side in confusion, watching as Elena’s expression starts to sink. “Hey, don’t worry. I’m not offended by it. Besides, I don’t think you’ve ever seen or known of anyone else who has fallen for me.” She points out and something suddenly hits Elena upon hearing those words. 

“Wait... am I... no...” Elena shakes her head in disbelief, not willing to believe that such an angelic creature like Kamilah Sayeed, who might she add has been living for a thousand years, has not had anyone else fall for her before. “I’m not the first... am I?” 

Kamilah shies away upon the realisation, loosely giggling as Elena takes a deep swig of her wine as if she needs liquid courage to get her through this conversation. “Sure I’ve had admirers and I’ve dabbled with all different sorts of people but... no one has ever truly cared for me the way you do.” Kamilah mutters, taking Elena’s hand and kissing it reassuringly, her lips lingering longer than expected. She locks eyes with Elena and there’s a genuine look of honesty hidden in Kamilah’s dark gaze. Something Elena has never laid eyes on before. “And besides, I’m not sure why I need a reason for why people to fall for me. Maybe... I’m just that irresistible.” Kamilah adds in a seductive, breathy tone that distracts Elena in ways she can’t explain.

With Elena dazed from the impact of her words, Kamilah slowly grazes the skin of Elena’s leg with her own, sliding it up and down and chasing a harsh exhale out of her. She bites her lip and tries to distract herself by taking another sip of her wine. When she puts down her glass, she meets Kamilah’s darkened gaze and smirks.

“You’re so bad, Kami. You know that?” 

Before Kamilah has a chance to respond, the waiter approaches them with two plates in their hands. He sets them down on either side of the table and wishes them a pleasant meal in a strong French accent before leaving them alone again. 

Kamilah pokes at her food with a fork, examining it with strange looks. Noticing, Elena eyes her curiously, raising her eyebrows in a questioning manor.

“Kamilah... what are you doing? Don’t you like salmon?” 

Kamilah straightens up and shakes her head unsurely. “It’s not that. It’s just... weird to think about eating human food.” 

“I’ve seen you eat it before.” Elena reminds the vampire queen, uncertain why she’s making such a big deal about it.

“Yes but you don’t know that the ketchup is usually animal blood so it makes it more my type of food.” Kamilah responds and Elena almost drops her fork at that revelation, gesturing to the ketchup on her plate. 

“I’d really love it if you didn’t put me off ketchup for life.” 

Kamilah chuckles at that, running a hand through her brunette hair. “Sorry.” She apologises, digging her knife and fork into the salmon and beginning to cut it carefully. “So... are you having fun?”

Elena forms a wide smile and nods approvingly. “Of course I am.”

“Really? This outing is mundane enough for you?” Kamilah wonders, taking her first bite of her food and finding it pleasant to eat as the taste overwhelms her mouth. 

Elena nods again, giving Kamilah a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry, Kami. This whole thing was everything I’ve ever wanted with you.” She assures, reaching over and brushing her thumb over Kamilah’s cheek and she smiles sweetly in reaction. 

“I’m glad. I don’t want us being together to impact your life. I still want you to feel human.” Kamilah admits, her vulnerable side shining through once more and Elena is surprised by how many times that side has revealed itself tonight.

“Being with you makes me more alive than anything else. You don’t have to worry about me.” 

Kamilah’s smile widens and she holds Elena’s gaze for a long moment, realising that no matter what happens, with or without the normality, they’ll still be together. 

Later that night, after an overwhelming amazing date, Kamilah and Elena wander back, hand in hand, to Elena’s apartment. They make it to the front door and Kamilah wonders what shes expected to say. 

“Is this the part where I kiss you and wish you goodnight?” Kamilah asks, tilting her head to the side out of bewilderment and Elena shoots her a knowing smirk, revealing the intentions running around her head.

“You don’t have to yet.” Elena suggests, wrapping her arms around Kamilah’s waist and bringing their bodies closer together. “I will take that kiss though.” 

With that, Elena brings their lips together, tasting the sweet cherry flavour of the wine they drank of Kamilah’s lips. She tangles fingers in the vampire’s brunette hair and slips her tongue into her mouth. Kamilah wishes to have zero space between them, tugging Elena so close that leg hooks over Kamilah’s hip. The kiss deepens and a steady rhythm is quickly built, their longing for each other being poured into this one great kiss.

Reluctantly, they pull away and Elena keeps their foreheads connected, an expectant look in her like eyes. “Sometimes there’s a different way to end to date.”

“Oh really... and what’s that?” 

Elena smiles and her heavy sigh grazes Kamilah’s lower lip, causing her body to shudder in response. “By me asking you to come inside for... dessert.”

Kamilah arches an eyebrow at Elena, gripping her by her hips and pressing her against the door. “Well then, I’ll gladly take you on that offer.” 

[journeysintowebcomics]

Homestuck Liveblog #187

UPDATE 187: Love Confession

Last time Dirk took back the narrative, and Jade was knocked out for months. Also, Jane won the election, it’s a victory for the neoliberal austerity measures. Viva la Crocker! So what now? Let’s see.

We make a quick stop back at Rose’s apartment. She understandably wants to pack a few things before we leave this planet forever.

...okay, the update has barely started and there’s already some big news. So Dirk’s leaving the planet with Rose? Why? Is this an important part of his assimilation plan? Or is he doing this just to spite Kanaya, because he clearly has dedicated a lot of effort to making her run in circles? Dirk, explain!

She’ll have to leave her current body soon if she’s going to survive the absolute realization of her Ultimate Self. The new body I’ve made for her won’t have much use for her usual ensembles. That’s all I was saying.

The first thought I had was that she was going to ascend and turn into some kind of metaphysical existence, then I read the part about ‘the new body I’ve made for her’. Could it be a robot? I remember Dirk is superb with robotics. Pretty creepy of him to shove Rose’s consciousness into a robot, really. Kanaya isn’t going to be happy at all with this.

At least there’s still enough Rose in that head she wants to pick up stuff because of the memories. There’s still hope if she’s taken away from Dirk, perhaps? Hard to know. Rose hardly will be safe as long as Dirk has control over the narration, anyway.

Apparently Dirk knows nothing about jewelry, because he calls a necklace a ‘rock rope’. I know it’s unlikely the version of Earth he came from had any use for jewelry given...well...he was one of the two humans that remained alive and also everything was ruinous and gone, but seriously, Dirk, pay attention, haha! Rock rope, seriously...

I expect at least an aggravated retort, but nothing comes.

I glance back and see that her eyes have grown glassy and distant, like two round-cut amethysts. Her smile seems due less to fondness than stupefaction. The circles under her eyes are dark, and her head is cushioned on an arm bent beneath it. Keeping her eyes trained on me seems to be the only energy she’s able to expend anymore. The omniscience sickness is wreaking havoc on her. I should hurry up.

I’m glad I never had to feel whatever she’s going through. Not everyone can be built like me. It just means I carry a greater responsibility to take care of those more fragile. Especially the ones most important to me.

It sounds like Rose would have been going through a lot of trouble even if Dirk hadn’t been messing around with her head, but nothing of what he has done is good for her. Since she’s not in any condition to make sure Dirk picks up the right things, he just shoves everything in a bag or something and calls it a day.

ROSE: Are you sure Kanaya is going to be ok with this?

She’s so far gone she can’t even tell Kanaya of course wouldn’t be okay with this. Damn, Rose, this epilogue hasn’t been kind to you at all. First it makes you omniscient and have killer migraines, now it’s drying your brain like a raisin so maybe you can be shoved into a robot while you’re being taken out of the planet to who knows where. Then again, who has this epilogue been kind to?

Dirk states he’ll make Kanaya understand, by which I imagine he means he’ll make her go around the Earth as if she was playing Where in the World is Rose Lalonde. Given how Kanaya won’t accept anything that isn’t Rose being freed, talking to her won’t be an option.

Speaking of Kanaya, she’s currently rushing towards the apartment, possibly having noticed Rose is there, and stop to take out her phone and plan what she’ll say to Dirk.

Is she sure she’s not misunderstanding something? Could she have misread the signals, or falsely assigned nefarious intent to a perfectly innocent series of events?

Honestly at this point I doubt anything of what Dirk has said to her can be construed as a ‘perfectly innocent series of events’. I mean, almost all of it has been left up to imagination, but Dirk already admitted he’s okay with messing around with Kanaya, so I doubt he has even pretended to make it look like this isn’t a kidnapping.

By now it’s pretty clear where there’s orange text there’ll be gaslighting. He takes advantage of his narrative powers to fill Kanaya with doubts and make her think she’s misinterpreting so many things. He’s even making her doubt of maybe being with her is good for Rose. It gets to the point where she tries to call Rose again and, this time, Dirk lets her answer, most likely because he knows he has managed to get the reactions and feelings he wanted her to feel.

KANAYA: Rose Its Okay

KANAYA: I Know Everything

ROSE: You... you do?

KANAYA: Yes

KANAYA: I Understand Whats Going On Now

KANAYA: I Just Want You To Know

KANAYA: How Happy You Made Me

ROSE: Oh, Kanaya...

KANAYA: I Wont Be Long

KANAYA: I Just Need To Say A Couple Things

KANAYA: While I Can

KANAYA: Before I Get Too Emotional About This

KANAYA: I Finally Get It

KANAYA: I Know You And He Belong Together

KANAYA: I Really Hope You Will Both Be Happy

KANAYA: Wherever Youre Going And Whatever You Decide To Do

KANAYA: I Will Always Be Thinking Of You

KANAYA: And Be Grateful For The Life We Had Together

ROSE: I...

ROSE: I’ll always remember you, Kanaya.

ROSE: Thank you so much for understanding.

And with this the path is clear and Kanaya won’t interfere anymore. Dirk has once again gotten away with whatever he’s trying to do. Congratulations, Dirk. Now what? He takes the phone to speak to her. Now that Kanaya isn’t upset and raring to rescue Rose, they have a short conversation.

DIRK: You’ve probably heard by now that Jade is sick.

DIRK: In a coma or something? She’s in the hospital.

KANAYA: Yes

DIRK: I’ve got an antidote for that. Medicine of sorts.

DIRK: If you give it to her, it should wake her up almost immediately.

DIRK: I left it here on the counter in your apartment.

I sure as hell don’t trust anything Dirk can give them. I’m almost certain that supposed antidote or medicine is none of that, and will make her worse. What’s more, won’t this make them suspicious? This would certainly show Dirk knows more about what happened to Jade than what he has told them. Heck, as I mentioned last update, this isn’t the first time he has used tranquilizers. Someone should have been able to make the connection, no?

Dirk sedates Rose with his trademark horse tranquilizers and takes her away. Also...

It slips my mind to bring along her bag of stuff.

I find that impossible to believe. No way Dirk just forgot, he intentionally left that behind, Mr. Multitasking, the guy Jane said would be unlikely to forget even little details.

Back at Dave and Karkaroni’s home, they still were in denial about their defeat in the political world, and now are watching Jane’s inauguration. This is such a bad spectacle for them Dave immediately proposes to get drunk. He’s down with alcoholism now. Oh boy. He also has been wondering for a while if there was anything they could have done different that could have led to their victory. Hardly, as Jake’s endorsement was going to be the cornerstone of their victory, but he still wonders that.

DAVE: i just keep imagining what wouldve happened if that absurd rube goldberg machine of life ruining humiliation had been stopped at any point

DAVE: maybe just being backstabbed by his endorsement alone was something we couldve recovered from with some rigorous counter campaigning

DAVE: but what if i had been fast enough to cut him off before hed even said anything

DAVE: what if i hadnt accidentally fallen on him on the stage when i was rushing over there to stop him

DAVE: what if he hadnt freaked out like i set off fireworks next to a nam vet and started trying to fucking scrum me

DAVE: what if id just backed away from his punch with my legs like a normal person instead of warping the flow of time to escape causing him to become so startled he shit his pants

DAVE: what if i hadnt gotten so visibly grossed out by the smell that even the people watching it on tv could tell what had happened

DAVE: what if he hadnt started sobbing when the audience in the front rows started throwing up

DAVE: what if wed had better security and stopped that lady from running onstage during the fracas and announcing that jake has been dodging paying child support for their 3 kids

Ah.

...

You know, I’m not really a fan of Jake. He’s okay as a character, but I don’t like him that much. Still, I keep having the impression his entire existence in Homestuck for quite a while is to be the author’s punching bag. The guy can’t have any dignity, can he? That aside, Dirk wasn’t in charge of the narrative back then because he was busy ogling over John and Terezi’s heartfelt conversations, so all that happened without his intervention. Poor Jake...

Also, so many people are very into getting Karkaroni and Dave together. While I like that thought, it feels rather invasive of everyone to be so invested in it. At this rate they’ll make the relationship fail before it has even started.

Karkaroni is a bit relieved he didn’t win, but...after the humiliation of losing to anyone in such a public manner I imagine he’s not going to be thrilled with the attention. Even if he’s loved by the public it still will get some comments and words of support, and he’s not the type to take those things quietly. Good thing he almost doesn’t leave the hive.

If Karkat had anything resembling a spine, he’d turn to Dave with those big, sparkling shoujo eyes and finally open his tsundere heart to consummating their painfully obvious and mutually reciprocated passion

How quaint, my eyes somehow went blind momentarily as soon as the words ‘sparkling shoujo eyes’ were said in reference to Karkaroni. What a curious phenomenon.

Somehow, trying to manipulate Dave into confessing his feelings towards Karkaroni is the line Dirk refuses to cross. Really? That’s your line in the sand? Okay then. So he’s going to let these two handle things their way, although with some prodding via narrative, I suppose. Oh, that’s what this page will be about! I see! Alright, continue.

Karkaroni begins by thanking Dave for everything.

KARKAT: EVEN IF WE DIDN’T WIN, I’M GLAD WE TRIED.

KARKAT: I’M GLAD WE WENT THROUGH THIS TOGETHER.

DAVE: me too

KARKAT: MORE THAN ANYTHING, I... YOU...

KARKAT: YOU BELIEVE IN ME IN A WAY NOBODY EVER HAS BEFORE.

KARKAT: MORE THAN I’VE EVER BEEN ABLE TO BELIEVE IN MYSELF.

Aw, that’s sweet! He really appreciates the support and it’s easy for him to believe Dave means everything he says. When anyone else tells him they like and support him it feels like condescending kindness, but it’s different with Dave. That’s what Karkaroni is saying.

KARKAT: YOU’RE ON MY LEVEL. AND I’M ON YOURS.

KARKAT: I BELIEVE THAT YOU SEE ME IN FRONT OF YOU THE WAY I ACTUALLY AM, FOR BETTER OR WORSE, AND STILL LIKE ME ANYWAY.

KARKAT: SO EVEN THOUGH IT’S STILL HARD FOR ME TO BELIEVE IN MYSELF A LOT OF THE TIME,

KARKAT: I BELIEVE IN YOU, SO I DON’T NEED TO.

DAVE: so what youre saying is you believe in me who believes in you

They’re kindred spirits, pretty much. Even if they don’t get together, they’re likely to be good friends for a very long time, if not forever. That’ll do them both some good, especially in these coming times of bad economy and neoliberal austerity measures. Besides, without Jade messing around with ridiculous threesome thirst, things are bound to be less tense around here. The future is...not looking bright, but at least they’ll have each other as support.

KARKAT: YEAH, KIND OF?

KARKAT: FUCK, MAN. THAT’S KIND OF DEEP.

DAVE: i know

KARKAT: SO, YEAH.

KARKAT: THAT’S WHAT I’VE NEVER REALLY FELT BEFORE.

KARKAT: AND I’M GLAD YOU’RE...

KARKAT: THAT WE’RE...

Come on. You’re so close.

KARKAT: I’M GLAD YOU’RE MY FRIEND, DAVE.

Aw, that’s fantastic! Look at that, Karkaroni said aloud he appreciates Dave this much, and he did it to his face! This kind of thing is real difficult for him, so the fact he felt the spontaneous need to tell this to Dave is pretty nice. They have come quite a long way since their first interactions in like Act 3 or so.

Dave pretty much says ‘oh. Same.’, which is as much emotional reciprocation as Dave can give, I suppose, so I can’t give him much of a hard time. Dirk, on the other hand, is pretty much dying. If Dave and Karkaroni’s conversation is what makes Dirk quit controlling the narrative I’ll be so amused. This is going so well Dirk decides to press things a little, making Dave have some weird mental images and similes, but it does get Dave to continue talking.

Kind of rude to forget what you were talking about Karkaroni’s feelings, pal. Top notch friendship/almost romantic effort. But yeah, it’s now Dave’s turn to talk about his feelings, saying ‘same’ in more words.

DAVE: like maybe we feel the same way about certain things

DAVE: but what were saying and what were feeling

DAVE: maybe those arent exactly the same thing

DAVE: and maybe... we should...

KARKAT: WE SHOULD WHAT?

DAVE: maybe its time to

DAVE: talk

DAVE: about... that

Well, I guess this is progress?

KARKAT: THAT???

DAVE: yeah, like

DAVE: how... when you say were friends

DAVE: what... does that mean

KARKAT: THAT WE’RE FRIENDS?

DAVE: yeah but

DAVE: is that it?

DAVE: just friends

Oho, he’s pushing for it! Maybe Dave really feels something romantic towards Karkaroni. I’m actually a bit surprised he’s acting on that. While I personally did believe he did, I wasn’t really going to take it for granted unless more indication was given in the text and here it is. Alright!

KARKAT: OF COURSE NOT.

KARKAT: YOU’RE MY...........

KARKAT: B......

KARKAT: ......EST FRIEND.

DAVE: oh

DAVE: i see

It’s so unlike Karkaroni to hesitate like that. Does he feel the same too? I feel like, if he had no doubts about it, he’d have outright said ‘best friend’ without any ellipsis. Something in your mind, Karkaroni? Dave accepts it anyway, and that’s that. At least until Dirk keeps pressing things forward again. Geez, give them a break.

Alright, Dirk, can you not. Being too descriptive is a thing, you know.

Dave’s actually leaning forward for a kiss, Dirk making sure every little action Karkaroni does seems like he’s receptive to romantic overtures, until Dave realizes he’s having thoughts he’d never have. Which is true, really. The narration is really invasive.

KARKAT: WHAT’S WRONG?

KARKAT: DID I DO SOMETH—

DAVE: no

DAVE: i just cant

DAVE: shit

DAVE: it just feels like

It feels like nothing, Dave. Don’t worry about it.

DAVE: what the fuck is going on

DAVE: this feels really off

KARKAT: ????

DAVE: idk

DAVE: i just keep having thoughts i know id never think

He’s right. This is precisely why I say forcing things to happen is not a good idea. Look at that, it’s interfering. Way to go, Dirk, now stop metaphorically holding their head together as if they’re dolls you’re making kiss. All you did is make Dave all confused.

I take a deep breath and get myself under control. My light psychological intrusions may have only made things worse. Invested as I am in the outcome of this encounter, I know forcing their hand would be a mistake.

NO KIDDING.

If Dave passes that threshold not of his own will, it’d be a hollow victory anyway. There’s nothing I can do but settle down, step it back, and trust my boy to bring it home.

I think if Dirk forced things to happen this wouldn’t last, unless Dirk keeps his attention on their romantic relationship 24/7, and he obviously wouldn’t want to do that. Things would fall apart irreparably, I’d say, because these two are so emotionally constipated they would refuse to even consider the possibility of trying again. Just let things happen, if they happen.

What follows is several paragraphs of prose so purple I’m surprised the font is orange. Despite that it’s pretty well written, it’s descriptive and paints the scene pretty vividly. This may be the one time I like Dirk’s narration. Also, all that is being funneled into Dave’s head, so it’s like he has a narrator describing everything, which he doesn’t like. Dirk once again ruins everything when Dave had already progressed, and let me tell you, your loved one shouting in your face to some unseen influence is not attractive.

Before Karkaroni can ponder if Dave is losing his mind right in front of him, Dave just goes ahead with the kiss. There they go! What they wanted has happened. Now the thing to wonder is if it’ll last. Good luck to them!

God damn. I’m sorry. I’m blowing the description here, and missing a lot of good shit. It just caught me so off guard.

Honestly it’s better this way. No need for more, that was all that was needed. Brevity is the soul of wit, Dirk. Not that you have ever known the meaning of the word ‘brevity’.

I’m not going to intercede with a single word further, and I won’t let you, either. I won’t cheapen this beautiful moment with my base editorialization just to satisfy your voyeuristic curiousity. Frankly, I’m offended you’d even expect me to.

I expected it because you have as much tact as a baseball bat to the teeth, pal.

What they’re getting up to here is nobody’s business but theirs.

Davekat is canon, and that’s really all there is to say on the matter. Let’s give these crazy lovebirds some privacy and move on.

Thank goodness, make this twice I’m okay with Dirk’s narration. I better check outside and see what color is the moon right now. Oh, look, it’s blue. No wonder he’s being discreet.

So after these parts where Dirk was acceptable as the narrator, naturally he has to go and ruin it by meeting Jake the next page, where he immediately showers himself with rose petals and preens by bragging about any virtues he thinks he has. I’m not looking forward to him talking to Jake, especially not after the way he was talking about Jake back at the stadium for the endorsement speech. At the first sign of ridiculous gaslighting I’m calling this a day.

My guy Squarewave is here too. I need his help today, because there’s a lot of cargo to wrangle. He’s wheeling something around on a hand truck. Something about the height of Rose, roughly Rose-shaped, and wrapped in a cloth. I know she’s gonna love it the first time she sees it. But the only way she’ll be able to do that is when she’s awake and looking in a mirror.

Okay, it definitely will be a robot for Rose. Golly, there’s something really creepy about transferring a friend’s consciousness to a robot, especially when she’s in no condition to do anything about it. Then again, I suppose a robot’s processing power would help to deal with the sensory overload of all the visions and stuff. That must be Dirk’s reasoning, no? I wonder for Rose will react once she’s inside the robot, able to think clearly – if Dirk doesn’t stop her from thinking, of course.

Dirk goes straight to the point, telling he needs a spaceship, although he doesn’t mention it’s to run away from the planet. All he wants is something fast, to run away as quickly as he can to where nobody can bother him while he keeps his iron grip on everything from a distance, I suppose.

Apparently Jake thought he was going to join Dirk, so Dirk sets that straight. Now that this matter is settled, Jake asks a sensible question:

JAKE: So um... how long will you be away? Does kanaya know about all of these shenanigans?

DIRK: Yes.

DIRK: We’ve discussed it. She’s ok with it.

JAKE: Whew good to see theres no trouble in paradise. Theyve always had the most lovely marriage.

Boy that’s going to be awkward to discuss, if they ever do. There’s plenty of trouble in paradise, and all of them are shaped like Dirk.

Jake hasn’t gotten over his failed relationship with Dirk, and he asks him when he’ll be back from this romp in space. The news Dirk is never coming back devastates him. Oh hey, I just realized: is Terezi coming? This is what Dirk meant about letting her come along, right? Is she going to join them, dragging John’s corpse in a wallet? Should I expect a Terezi robot in the future?

Jake can’t come, not only because Dirk doesn’t want him anywhere near him, but also because he’ll have to support Jane in a reign that’s likely to last millions of years. Jake argues he knows nothing about strategy or policy, so I suppose he’ll stay because of his political capital? Whatever political capital he has left after the...shameful spectacle of the endorsement speech.

DIRK: Uh, Jake. Nobody wants you to do any of that.

DIRK: Well, I know Jane sure doesn’t.

JAKE: Then... what...

DIRK: You’ll just be, you know.

DIRK: Her candy boy?

JAKE: CANDY BOY???

DIRK: Yeah. Being on call.

DIRK: Serving a multimillion-year term of giving her the right kind of “presidential action” she needs to keep going. To keep her morale up and such.

DIRK: To provide her with many heirs.

DIRK: Doesn’t that sound cool?

I’m losing my patience with this ass and also with Condesce Jane. Scrolling down. Jake basically confesses he can’t live without Dirk’s presence, and Dirk puts all the blame on Jake. Where’s the arrow for the next page...ah, there it is.

Kanaya is looking for Jade’s hospital room, antidote in hand. She finds it and shows Roxy the antidote, ready to apply it to Jade. She doesn’t even explain what it is, she just injects it right away, and it doesn’t take long at all for Jade to start moving. An effective antidote! And when Jade opens her eyes, they’re green instead of black. She’s not possessed. Ah, so that’s why Dirk was okay with letting Jade wake up, she’s not under Dead Calliope’s control anymore.

Looks like during her trance there was still some sort of consciousness in her. She knows a lot, possibly in the same way Dirk, Rose and Terezi know a lot – by seeing a lot of alternate Jades. She’s taking it all rather well, without headaches or anything debilitating like what Rose had before going to see Dirk. She does have something, though: wrath. And it’s all directed at one person.

JADE: DIRK STRIDER HAS TO BE STOPPED!!!!!!!!!!

Damn right! Buuuut he’s kind of getting on a spaceship, so you’re running out of time for that. Then again, this is Jade, the one with space powers. That has to be some sort of advantage.

The next page is Dirk’s justification for his actions. It’s nothing really worthwhile, mostly that he wanted to be a good person and thought of himself that way, but given what he had to do and what powers he had, it was impossible to come across as anything but the villain, and that he admitted he was the villain now. From all this page there’s only a couple things worth going deeper into, I’d say. Let’s see...

If my agenda was to try as hard as I could to make sure no one thought I sucked, what the fuck would ever get done? How would I go about taming this world, or shaping reality for the better? And if I didn’t bother pursuing those goals, and thereby tacitly accepting the untold suffering that resulted from my inaction, wouldn’t that make me a bad person? If I try and succeed, I’m a hero, right? And if I try and fail, at least I made things interesting on my way to the grave. There would be a tragic nobility in that. And the way I see it, settling for anything less from my arc would be, frankly, pathetic.

Right. Can’t say I understand what Dirk’s plan is, other than it seems like it’s to assimilate everyone under one big god or something – most likely in a metaphorical manner – but other than that there hasn’t really been any kind of information about it. That aside, there’s something else to touch in this part.

Be okay with everyone hating you because you know what you’re doing is for the better? It’s more than fine. Has a lot of potential and grounds for some good personal conflict. It’d indeed be tragically noble. Buuuut none of what I read in this epilogue says it’s a tragically noble. In terms of writing, Dirk seriously is going to succeed on making every character in Homestuck loathe him, judging by the way Jade already woke up and is ready to scream her head off about how Dirk has to be stopped, so he has that much right. All that is more than fine, and it certainly would be a hella interesting story if it wasn’t an epilogue.

The problem is that Dirk controlled the narrative and showed exactly what was going on in his head. The reader could see very clearly what he thought of everyone, the reader saw what kind of choice words he had to say about people like John or Jake or anyone else. The reader saw all the disdain towards pretty much everything and how Dirk kept patting himself on the back. After all that, this entire page of Dirk justifying how it’s okay if he’s the villain comes across as very delusional. It’s pretty hard to think of any of this as ‘tragic nobility’ when the narrative showed very well he’s pretty rotten to the core.

Which would have been excellent if this had been anything other than Homestuck, really. It’d have been such an interesting thing, and so enjoyable. Alas. Still going to talk about that once I’m done with the epilogue.

The other thing I think is worth seeing is this:

That’s why when someone finally comes knocking for the price I owe, I’ll fully welcome it. By then it’ll have been a long time coming, and I’ll probably have done more than my share to make sure, somewhere along the way, it all got put into motion. What good is a villain who doesn’t have a satisfying dramatic comeuppance in store for him? So yeah, the next time I die, let’s pencil it in as a Just Death. And let’s also have it on good authority that the next time Dave cuts off my head, it’ll be for good.

I’ll be looking forward to that day just as much as the next guy.

He already has decided how it’ll be. I don’t doubt he’ll let it happen because, well, he controls the narrative, and my guess is that he wouldn’t let anyone but Dave kill him. Who better than him? And in what other manner but making the meme happen once again? Even during death Dirk Strider has to stick to his memes. Wouldn’t be surprised if when the time comes he intentionally writes things so Dave decapitates him instead of, say, stab him through the gut with the sword.

Aaaalso, is this implying said ‘satisfying dramatic comeuppance’ isn’t coming in this epilogue? Kind of say that coming, really. I heard the Meat epilogue has forty-something pages and this is page 41. There’s not really a lot of space left to do a dramatic confrontation that’s not rushed, unless you forgo everything like setting it up and just teleport everybody to the moment of Dirk’s death. Then again, this is Homestuck. Clean, tidy conclusions aren’t really its thing, haha, so I didn’t really think there’d be any kind of confrontation with Dirk. If Lord English didn’t get one in the story itself, why would Dirk Strider of all people get it?

The next page starts with quite the long conversation. Let’s see...

So, Jade is immediately alarmed while Kanaya is appeasing her, saying everything is okay. Roxy is going to be so confused, being the only one here who hasn’t been involved in Dirk’s antics at all. Now that I think about it, Roxy is the only one who hasn’t been kicked to the curb by this epilogue, I suppose it’s because she’s been pretty much a nonentity during the epilogue except for a conversation or two that didn’t really have anything to do with the other plots. Then again, Calliope had even less and she ended traumatized.

KANAYA: Hes Going To Take Good Care Of Rose

KANAYA: Probably Much Better Than Id Ever Be Able To

KANAYA: Ill Miss Her But Im At Least Thankful For That

JADE: THANKFUL??

JADE: kanaya...

JADE: did

JADE: did dirk KIDNAP ROSE?!

Yes! He very much did! Make sure when you rescue her her mind is in her body instead of inside a robot. I wouldn’t be surprised if he tries to convince everyone to take an empty husk away, saying she’s in a coma or something.

Things are so bad Roxy sounds indignant. I feel bad for her, it’s going to be tough to hear such things about one of her oldest friends. Jade asks questions to find out if Kanaya being okay with these developments was an attitude she arrived to by her own volition or if Dirk influenced her in some manner. As soon as the answer is said she knows it’s Dirk’s influence.

It’s fine, Kanaya. Why don’t we just say I’m invoking the mercy rule here. Jade is onto me obviously. But I wouldn’t have even let her wake up if there was anything you all could do about it by now. As the cherub resurfaces in her mind, I’ll be fading out of here soon anyway. I don’t see any reason to keep my dear friends in limbo any longer than they need to be.

So he doesn’t mind if Dead Calliope takes over Jade again – and possibly the narrative. Sounds to me like Dirk got away with whatever he was doing, then. If he can let go of the narrative, then he doesn’t need it anymore. Oof, not good. He cares so little he even gives Kanaya her own sane judgment back. How smug of him.

KANAYA: Wait

KANAYA: I Dont...

KANAYA: Im Confused

ROXY: ???

KANAYA: Why Didnt I At Least

KANAYA: Demand To See My Wife Before They Departed While I Had Dirk On The Phone

ROXY: omg u didnt even SEE her before she left??

KANAYA: No

KANAYA: At The Time It Didnt Feel Right To Ask I Guess

KANAYA: I Was So Devastated I Thought

KANAYA: That I Should Just

KANAYA: I Dont Know What I Thought

KANAYA: What

KANAYA: What Was I THINKING?

JADE: :(

She must be furious. It’s not everyday she lets go of her quirk like that. From the position my scrolling bar is at right now, I see more full caps. Kanaya, do you still have chainsaws? I can imagine Kanaya revving up the chainsaw right now. Dirk should consider himself lucky he may be already in outer space.

Seriously, it’s pretty hard to think of Dirk’s actions as ‘tragically noble’ when he’s patting his own back so hard he’s going to sprain his shoulder.

Without even knowing the details Kanaya is already certain Dirk has corrupted her in some manner, because otherwise Rose wouldn’t have acted like she did. She’s not wrong! And then she vows to make him pay, and pay dearly he will. That part I’m afraid won’t happen, as I’m pretty sure Dave will be the one to give the final blow, and chainsaws kind of make deadly injuries so she can’t do anything.

Since Jade’s the one with the answers, Kanaya demands to hear them, impatiently ignoring Jade’s words about anything that doesn’t seem related to Dirk at first. True to dramatic yet cheesy writing, all Jade manages to say is...

JADE: im trying to get to that!

JADE: the thing with dirk is...

JADE: is...

Whooops, here comes Dead Calliope. Hi! And this time Dirk is okay with it because his plans are already underway, so he doesn’t mind giving the dead cherub this advantage. Dead Calliope will give Jade back only when Dirk is so far away he’s not a danger to anyone, and given how he’s already far away and in control...well that’s going to be a long while.

they will know what to do, when they are ready.

Ha ha. Sure. They’ll all just hop in a spaceship and go on a wild goose chase trying to hunt me down. I know that already. It’s really not rocket science. Except for the fact that it literally is.

Can it really be called a wild goose chase when it’s a foregone conclusion they’ll succeed? You know they will, you’re even expecting that with some eagerness. It may take them a looooong time, but they’ll reach Dirk someday. A few of these people have an eternity to do so, after all. I imagine others will come along once they find out what happened, too. I’m pretty confident Jane would be the only one who wouldn’t, and that’s because she’ll be too busy implementing her reign of terror.

kanaya drops to the floor and begins weeping again. she feels the sorrow anew from her wife’s departure, with a sense of rage and pain unshrouded by the veil of the prince. neither she nor her friends will have to worry about him anymore, so long as they remain on this planet and under my protection.

Well! Sorry to disappoint, Dead Calliope, but the odds they’ll remain on this planet and do nothing after two of them stated pretty clearly Dirk has to be stopped and kidnapped someone are...pretty low. I just hope Dead Calliope isn’t going to get in their way when they finally get going.

KANAYA: He Has To Be Stopped...

KANAYA: He Has To Be Stopped...

huddled on the floor, she repeats this pledge to herself. theoretically, he could be stopped before he leaves, if they hurried. they would need to know what to do, where to go, and to have the motivation to do it, but time is short. i could push them to, with a certain degree of intervention, but i will not. my unwillingness to do so is what separates me from him. and what corporeal life needs now is someone presiding over them who is nothing like him at all.

So Dead Calliope would just be an observer narrating everything, I guess. She wouldn’t intervene or push anyone around unless they were insulting the mighty lollipop. That’d be the extent of her actions, hm...having free will sounds really nice, I must say. It wouldn’t be so bad for this to be the status quo.

This is the end of the page. This update is already quite long, so I’ll cut it here. In the next one I’ll finish the meat epilogue.

Next update: next time

[the-marvel-imagines-blog]

Madness | Chpt. 5

Requests are Open

Chapter Title: “Thunder in the Rain”

Pairing: Loki x Original Female Character

Word Count: 7,968

Warnings: angst (I mean, when is it not angsty?), new character alert, also some kissing :*

Name Pronunciations: Hjalmar: “He-all-mar” | Aaldir: “All-deer” | Ephinea: “Eh-fin-ee-uh”

A/N: Y’all are my favorite people in the universe. Thank you so much for reading and enjoying what I’m writing. Even if not every chapter is you cup of tea, it means a lot to see that people are leaving likes, messaging me, reblogging, etc. I love you all so much! Also, please note that I have taken and will be taking a lot of creative liberties pertaining to these characters. This will be shown in excess during the upcoming chapters, so I just wanted to give a bit of a warning.

Tagged: @teddyboobear @alledeglyfunny (anyone who wants to be tagged can message me and ask. It’s not a problem at all)

As I walked away from him, a part of me hoped to hear some kind of regret in his voice or anything at all, even. Instead, I heard nothing. He was silent. Maybe I had to do what everyone had been telling me to do all along: let him go. In my heart, I knew what would have been best for me. I knew that I would have been safer and filled with less grief if I let him go and went to Midgard to be with the Avengers and her. I knew that she would undoubtedly fill the void in my heart that Loki left there, as she had been the one to fill it ever since he fell. Still, I felt responsible for him as well as the Nine Realms. I saw the damage he had done to the world we knew as our second home. His suit was black (the absence of light), gold (what had once been my favorite color), and green (his favorite color-the color of my eyes). He attacked the part of Midgard we had last been to together. It was a night of laughter and happiness for both of us and a memory that was now clouded with pain and darkness. He still used the daggers I had given to him before he left for a battle with Thor-a battle Thor talked the Allfather into keeping me out of, as I was still recovering from the last one.

A piece of me wondered if he had a reason. Maybe he truly didn’t care for me anymore, maybe he lied to me all those years, but for what? What did he have to gain from an orphan girl? He was a God, and I was just another Asgardian. There was nothing extraordinary about me. If he wanted to manipulate someone for so long, why wouldn’t he choose someone with more power? I had to believe that it was more than that. I had to believe that there was something else that I just wasn’t seeing clearly. He was still in there. The man I knew was still holding on and fighting back this new version of himself. I didn’t know what happened or what made him turn on me so quickly, but I had a few theories of my own. Perhaps he found out about my secret from Odin that day, but I still didn’t even know how Odin would know in the first place. Maybe he fell out of love with me quicker than I had ever anticipated he could. I didn’t understand, but it wasn’t for me to try to figure out in the middle of the night when I was still sick from the ale that evening.

I made my way up to the training grounds, casting the illusion just long enough to make it past the guards. Once my eyes were dried, I dropped the illusion, finally visible again. I lifted a dulled sword from the rack and walked over to one of the training dummies before taking out every ounce of anger, frustration, and pain on it. I didn’t need to build my skills with the sword anymore. However, I knew to practice regularly to stay nimble. Tonight, however, was simply to hit the dummy as hard as possible to make my muscles sore. I just wanted to make myself tired enough that I could fall asleep for the rest of my life, and if I couldn’t achieve that, I at least wanted to be tired enough that when I laid down in bed, I could fall asleep immediately. I didn’t want to think of his harsh words or the way he glared at me like it was my fault he fell in the first place. I didn’t want to think of the mistakes I had made or the grief I felt over the loss of a man who meant so much to me.

Listening to the loud crack as my sword hit the dummy over and over again helped drown out the sorrow in my heart and the voices in my head that were even more cruel than Loki could ever even hope to be. As I growled, I thought of every moment in my life that I felt anger, every moment I felt alone, every moment I felt weak. I thought of the night he told me he hated me, the fall, when I saw him on Midgard, when I left her, when Tony Stark shed a tear for me, when she cried. There were so many moments, but they all came rushing back as the wall I had built up to keep them away finally broke down and crumbled into nothing. Suddenly, I heard a loud crack and opened my eyes to see that my last swing of the sword had been too successful, as the blade lay broken on the ground.

“For a woman as peaceful as yourself, you sure like breaking swords when you’re angry,” Thor’s voice rang out from behind me.

I whipped around, surprised by his presence. I hadn’t heard him coming, and I certainly didn’t feel him because of my clouded thoughts. As soon as I looked at him, my mind quieted once more. He was a peaceful soul with eyes as deep as the oceans. He leaned against one of the pillars with his arms crossed over his chest. His robes cascaded over his broad shoulders, and he wore a slight grin upon his lips. I shook my head, dropping the handle of the sword, which would be of no more use, “I apologize if I woke you,” I murmured, attempting to walk past him. I was in no mood for speaking as my frustration had not been washed away completely.

He caught my arm before I could pass him, and as my chest continued to heave, he spoke, “you did not wake me, Lady Eva. I figured that after you visited Loki, you would come here,” he said, hinting at the fact that he already knew what I had been up to that night. My mouth gaped open as I searched for any possible explanation other than the one he proposed. Before I could lie, he continued, “my brother has been playing tricks on me since we were children. Do you not think I can tell? Plus, I’ve known you since we were children, and I knew you would go down to see him at some point,” he shrugged.

“I had to. You can be mad, you can tell the Allfather, you can do whatever you need to do, and I won’t be upset. All I ask is that you continue fighting for him the way I have,” I said, straightening my shoulders, “I will accept whatever punishment my King sees fit.”

“Your King will never know,” Thor replied in a hushed but stern voice, “I will not be speaking a word of this to my father. You did what needed to be done, something he doesn’t believe is worth the time or energy. You’ve looked out for my brother since we were kids, and I would’ve been ignorant to believe that you would just stop because of what happened on Midgard. You still see the good in him, and I admire that because I still love him just as much as you do,” he added, “how was he?”

I stepped back over to him, and he released my arm from his grasp. I motioned around the training grounds, “well, I’m out here, so it didn’t go as well as I had anticipated. He’s still hurting, and it continues to break my heart every time I see him. I can feel his pain just as I could before, but it’s amplified.I just don’t know if I can keep doing this to myself, Thor. I don’t know if I can keep trying to save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. It would kill me to abandon him like this. His mind is chaos. He needs a moment of clarity, of peace, but...maybe I can’t give that to him,” I answered the best way I could.

“Who better to show him that moment of clarity than you?” he asked, gazing down at me with eyes that shined like the sun on my darkest day. While every other love I felt paled in comparison to that which I shared with Loki, Thor brought something else into my life, something more beautiful than life itself. He reminded me that life was not about power or status, it was about living. He had a love for all living things that matched my own, and I loved him all the more for it. Thor never pushed me away, “you have done so much for him, Eva. You may not think you’ve done enough, but you’ve done more than everyone else put together. You have sacrificed more than anyone else. All I know is that you need to take fate into your own hands sometimes. Maybe you find that you don’t want to wait for cooperation from Loki or the Allfather. All I know is that you have allowed others to control your destiny for too long, and it’s time for you to take your control back,” he added, “and if you need to talk or cry or scream, you know that I’m always here.”

My eyes filled up with tears, and I pushed them back, having cried more than enough over the situation. It felt like I couldn’t stop since the fall. It was that moment that I made the promise to myself: I would be weak no longer. I would weep over my situation no longer. I could mourn for the man Loki once was or give him no other option other than to accept my help. As my chest continued to heave due to the unchecked frustration, I grabbed the back of Thor’s neck and attacked his lips with my own. It was the only thing that felt right. It only lasted for a second before the shock forced him away from me, and he held me at a short distance. He cleared his throat, color filling his cheeks, “why did-what are you...we can’t do this when you’re still a bit drunk, Eva. I don’t know if this is you or the ale from earlier, but...you aren’t in the right state of mind for this right now,” he noted, chuckling to lighten the mood.

“Does that really matter anymore?” I asked, closing the space between us once more, and he allowed me, “I want this. Do you want this?” I asked, gazing up into his eyes.

He sighed, “you know I do, and you know I’ve wanted this for a long time. There’s a reason I haven’t done anything since we were young, though, Eva. You belong with Loki, and I don’t want to get in the way of that. I love both of you too much to ruin what you have,” he whispered, his arm snaking around my waist, telling a very different story than the one spilling from his lips.

“What do you think you would be ruining? The rubble of our love? Do you think you can shatter heart we shared anymore? Could you kill a flower that was already dead?” I asked, realizing that, while I loved Loki more than life itself, he loved me no longer, “I will love your brother until the day I die, but he has hurt me so much, I think I deserve a moment of happiness. I deserve to remember the sweetness of love, which is something I have forgotten the taste of for so long. Remind me...please,” I begged, grasping onto his robes in a desperate attempt to let him know that I would not hold anything against him.

He searched my eyes for any hesitation that could have been lingering there, but he found none. He found only loneliness and grief. Perhaps he felt sorry for me, or perhaps he was giving into urges that had lain dormant since our childhood. Either way, he kissed me. I threw my arms around his neck as he lifted me off the ground. I wrapped my legs around his waist, grunting lightly when he pressed me against the pillar he had been leaning on only moments ago. His lips were smoother than I had remembered them, and I could feel the areas he bit when he was nervous. As his left hand grasped my thigh, offering me an extra level of support aside from the pillar, his right hand steadied my face as he kissed me with more passion than I’d ever anticipated.

To my disapproval, his lips departed from mine, and he began to sprinkle kisses along my jaw and down to my neck, a place Loki always loved. As I squeezed my eyes shut, I forced the thought of him from my mind and focused on Thor. When he grazed his teeth against my neck, I arched my body into his, feeling a shiver run through me. As I arched into him, his arms wrapped around my body, squeezing me against him hard enough for me to feel every muscle and every crease even through the clothes. For the first time in such a long time, I felt small in someone’s arms. Aaldir, Hjalmar, and Loki always made me feel that way, like I never needed to worry when they were around. However, she had the opposite effect on me. I was the one to make her feel small, the one to protect her. Ever since her, I had not felt like the small one until now.

With one arm still draped over his shoulder, balancing myself, I grabbed his face with my other hand and turned his head so that he was looking into my eyes. I saw joy and desire and so much anticipation. I pressed my lips to his once more before pulling away and trailing kisses along his defined jaw and down to his neck. His hold on me tightened as I ran my lips along a sensitive spot. As I kissed him, he walked us down the hallway toward his chambers. He opened the doors with his back and shut them with his foot. When we were finally in the comfort of his room, he peeled me off of him and pushed me down onto the bed. I chewed on my bottom lip and laughed as his eyes scanned over my body.

Before I could react or speak, he joined me on the bed, nestling his body between my legs and proceeding to kiss me once more. As soon as I felt his warmth, Loki’s face flashed behind my closed eyes. I tried to blink away the tears in my eyes, but it was like he could feel my hesitance. He pulled away from the kisses and pushed himself off of me in an attempt to figure out where he had gone wrong. I shook my head, trying to collect myself, but I was failing miserably. The promise I made to myself such a short time ago was already being broken as I began to cry, “I’m sorry, Thor. I’m sorry,” I broke down, hiding my face in my hands. I felt so much guilt in that moment, so much anger at myself for being so stupid as to believe that I could just replace the love I received from Loki.

As soon as I began to cry, Thor crawled over to me and wrapped me up in his strong arms, “I know that you don’t want to hear this right now, but as your friend, I need to say it,” he stated as my body quivered and trembled in the arms of the man I wished I was meant to be with. If I was destined to be with Thor, my life would have been so much easier because he would have loved me from the very beginning until the very end. I wouldn’t have felt this pain. Maybe I was just cursed, though. Maybe it was my fault that Loki was hurt the way he was. Maybe I was at the center of his pain. Before my mind could continue down the darkened trail any further, Thor spoke, “I love you, Eva. I have loved you since before I can remember, and I’ve never stopped loving you. For a long time, I wished that you chose me instead of Loki. I wished that you would find happiness with me, but I always knew that you two were meant for each other. Even though it kills me to say it, you and I don’t belong together. You belong with Loki. You always have. And I can’t let my love for you ruin your relationship anymore than it already has,” he said, grief clear in his deep voice.

I shook my head, wiping my tears away as I found the strength to gaze up at him, “you didn’t ruin our relationship, Thor. You had nothing to do with this,” I murmured.

He sighed, “there’s something I need to tell you.”

*Thor’s POV*

I had been more surprised that she stayed after I told her the story of that day, more surprised than I was that she didn’t try to hit me. Instead, we shed tears together, and I sat with her until she fell asleep. After I told her what happened and apologized profusely, she lessened my guilt by being adamant about how it wasn’t my fault. Still, I could see the pain the truth brought her. She was heartbroken, and she went to sleep that way. A piece of me wished I had kept it from her, but it had been two years of her questioning why Loki turned his back on her, and I knew the truth.

Unable to sleep, I found myself with Heimdall in the Bifrost. Though even looking at the Bifrost brought Eva a sense of misery, she spent much time in the very spot I was standing, and I knew that it was because the her fear and sadness over that fateful day paled in comparison to love she had for the Midgardians and...her. She asked about them often, and Heimdall would always fill her in on the health and well-being of each of them. She was always the most concerned about Tony, the two of them having a special connection that I could not understand. Steve also held a special place in her heart, which I could understand much more. He was a soldier and always put the needs of everyone else above his own. He didn’t like to fight, but he did so that others could know peace. Eva did the same.

As I stood next to Heimdall, staring out at the stars, I felt his gaze shift over to me for a fraction of a second, “you told her,” he noted, clearly having cast his gaze upon us when he felt her distress. The two of them were connected the same way her and I were connected. It paled in comparison to Loki’s connection to her, but we could feel when something wasn’t quite right.

I nodded my head, “I didn’t know what else to do. I couldn’t keep it from her any longer. She deserved to know the truth,” I insisted, feeling guilty that I brought her to an even deeper level of grief but feeling hopeful that it would help her see the truth, that she had done nothing wrong, “she’s become far more destructive since Hjalmar’s death, and I sensed that she was spiraling. She’s lost so much. She blames herself for Hjalmar’s death, and she blames herself for Aaldir’s sorrow. She blames herself for Loki’s turn and believed it to have been her fault, like she could’ve stopped him from wreaking havoc on Midgard. She had every right to know the truth,” I added

“You are not wrong,” he stated, gazing back out at the stars, “she sacrificed so much for Loki, but I fear that she will now try even harder to free him, even if it means committing treason. She has no reason to show the Allfather anymore respect, for she now knows that he played a pivotal role in pushing your brother over the edge,” he added, and I gazed over at his solemn expression. He lowered his grief-stricken eyes, “I fear for her safety if she tries to disobey the orders of the King.”

“You have my word that I will do everything in my power to keep her from doing anything reckless, but she has never listened to me the way she listened to Hjalmar,” I said, thinking of one of my dearest friends, “how is he?” I asked, hoping for some words of comfort about Hjalmar’s new home in Valhalla.

Heimdall sighed, “I...cannot see him,” he confessed, hesitant to speak the words to me. I furrowed my eyebrows, confused as to how the gatekeeper and the guardian of the Nine Realms could lose track of someone. Before I could ask any questions, he turned his haunting gaze upon me, “I have searched for him, hoping to regale Eva with some stories of him when she came; however, I have not found him. I have searched every realm, every planet, every moon. I have searched the entirety of Valhalla, and I even looked for him in the Realm of the Dead. Still, I have found nothing,” he said, turning back to the stars, “I suggest keeping this between us for the time being. There is no need to put her through anymore pain right now,” he stated, strongly.

I nodded my head, “but what if she comes to you and asks about him?”

He frowned, the mere thought of it bringing a sour taste to his mouth, “then I will be forced to break the heart of a princess.”

*1 week later*

After another night spent watching over Eva and getting barely any sleep, I found myself standing beside my father, the man who was the cause of so much of her grief. She knew it now. She knew what he had done, and while I was surprised that she didn’t hate me for the role I had to play in Loki’s downfall, I was unsure of how generous she would be with my father. The two of us watched her as she practically danced around the training grounds with Sif and Ephinea. She hated fighting, but there was a side of her that came out when she fought that I had never seen before. She was skilled in battle the way no other man or woman could ever even hope to be. She blocked the attacks from each of the goddesses, and the two of them pulled no punches. Sif and Ephinea never went easy on Eva, so for Eva to hold her own against the Goddess of War and the Goddess of Strength, respectively, said so much about her skills.

As gracefully as she blocked what would have been a “finishing blow” from Ephinea, she began to take the offensive, swinging the dulled swords and moving like the ocean. I had gotten the chance to see her on the battlefield so many times throughout my life, and it always left me in awe. She had a plethora of her own weapons, many of which Aaldir had crafted for her or helped in the crafting process. He had given her two short swords that she used on occasion, and he also gave her the greatsword she used most of the time. Loki had gifted her a set of daggers, which were delicately crafted but stronger than anyone could anticipate due to their beauty. She danced around Sif and Ephinea, fighting both of them and successfully knocking them down and finishing them. After her success, she helped them back up onto their feet before starting again. I glanced over at my father, “she has grown far more skilled in the art of battle than even you could have anticipated,” I smiled, gesturing to her.

He nodded, a faint smile tugging at his lips underneath his beard, “if this is how you plan to sway my mind on the matters she has brought up time and again, it will not work,” he reminded me.

I shrugged my shoulders, “it wasn’t my intention, but it would’ve been nice,” I stated, gazing upon the girl who was so strong but so broken, “she has a point, you know...about Loki,” I murmured, wanting my words to be between us. I watched as his eyebrows raised in shock, which was understandable as I had always been fairly quiet on the matter, never explicitly taking anyone’s side, “I don’t believe you to be delusional, which is why I think you know-as well as she does-that Loki doesn’t belong in the dungeons. He is far more dangerous around people who think like him. His mind was corrupted far more after he fell. Even if we could get him back to the way he was before, when he was only trying to take over the throne, instead of killing hundreds of innocent people on Midgard, it would be better than leaving him down there,” I explained, hoping that he would listen to me with an open heart and open mind, unlike when he listened to Eva make the same case about Loki.

He gazed over at me, the icy blue eye as solemn as ever, “so, you are proposing the same thing? I release Loki into Eva’s care, knowing that he is a weakness for her? Knowing that she could never do what needed to be done if it came to it?” he asked, “I simply implore you to think through every scenario,” he added, sensing that he had offended me.

I narrowed my eyes at him, knowing that he was not completely sincere, “no, you are asking me to doubt her. You are asking me to trust her less, but you don’t know her the way I do. You didn’t see her on Midgard the way I saw her. You have no idea what she has done-the sacrifices she has made-for the good of the Nine Realms, for the good of Asgard. You don’t see what she has given up, but I have,” I growled under my breath, angry that he would try to plant the seed of doubt in my mind.

He shook his head, “I do not wish for you to doubt her, but I do wish for you to look at this from a place of objectivity. If you did, you would have the same doubts I do,” he replied, a voice as calm as the breeze that morning.

“I can look at this objectively, and that’s why I believe she could take on this task. While we cannot go back and rewrite the past, she can turn the tides in our favor. If she were somehow able to turn Loki back to our side, think of what our strength could be with an ally like him! We would be much stronger with him as our ally than with him as our enemy,” I exclaimed, gesturing out at her, “look at her, Father! Truly see her for what she is! She’s no goddess, but she possesses the same skills as one. I don’t think this is coincidence. I truly believe that she is meant to be much more than another Asgardian woman.”

“You have much to learn about her, my son,” he frowned, trying to force a smile and failing. I watched as the look in his eye became distant, like he was revisiting a memory that brought him pain. He tried to push it away, but it lingered there.

I shook my head, “I know all there is to know about her. I know her better than I know myself most of the time,” I chuckled, gazing out at the woman I was in love with. For a long time, I fancied Ephinea and Sif. The two women were stronger than anyone gave them credit for, but I couldn’t talk to them the same way I could talk to Eva. Eva was just...special. I knew every little thing about her, even though I was sure my brother knew far more, things I couldn’t even imagine. I glanced back up at my father, “there’s nothing I don’t know,” I assured him, thinking of the many secrets she had hidden from him, secrets he would never even know.

“There is so much you don’t know about her, so much that you need to know,” he said, a sad smile spreading across his lips as he gazed out at her once more before stepping away from the railing and turning to face down the hallway, “walk with me and learn,” he motioned, and I obeyed, falling in step with him and casting one final glance back at Eva. Once we were far enough away from the prying eyes and ears of everyone else, he began speaking, slowing his pace, “before you or I, before my father and his father before him, Asgard was created. Where once there had been nothing, we received a land of beauty, peace, and salvation. This was the place where the Asgardians could call home, a place that was more beautiful and rich with life than any other, and we took it all for granted,” he explained.

“The land began to dry up. Where there had once been lush forests and beautiful mountains in the distance, it was barren. The Asgardians who lived her long ago took from the world but never thought to give back. They built this city upon her natural beauty, hiding the plentiful gifts she bore to them. The creeks and streams began to dry up. People believed that it was the world’s way of grieving. She had always provided for them, always gave more of herself than they could possibly take, but they did not rejoice as their ancestors once did. They took the gift of life for granted, and they took this realm for granted. They did not thank the world for her blessings, and they did not live their lives the way we were meant to,” he continued.

“The drought of the world continued. Food was more difficult to come by, and we were running out of fresh water. We began sending people to various realms to acquire what we needed and bring it back here. We had already stripped our world of all she had to offer, and we were doing the same with as many others as possible. Life was dwindling, and we were unsure about the future of Asgard,” he said before letting out a long sigh. When I cast my eyes over to his face, I saw that he was reliving a memory that haunted him, and a sadness came over him that I hadn’t seen before, “I had an older brother growing up, a man I’ve never spoken about, a man no one speaks of anymore,” he confessed.

I furrowed my eyebrows, wondering how it could be that an entire piece of Asgard’s history was lost to me, “I forbid his name to be spoken, and there are not many who remember him, not the way I do,” he frowned, “Cul was older, stronger, and much more capable than I was. He believed himself to be the rightful King of Asgard, and when my father-your grandfather-died, Cul took the throne for himself. My father had groomed me to take his place after he died, but my brothers and I allowed Cul to rule because of his promise to keep us as his close advisors, a promise he broke shortly after his coronation. He picked from a group of his loyal followers to be his advisors. It wasn’t until he took the throne that we saw just how twisted he was, how his desire to rule festered into a madness we had never seen before.”

As we walked into the throne room, he stopped and stared up at the golden throne for a long moment, “he ordered that we strip the other planets of their resources, and if we were met with hesitation, we were to take the resources by force. He wanted to make it clear that no one would stand in his way. A part of me wants to believe that he had good intentions, that he wanted to show the Nine Realms that Asgard was still a powerful seat. However, the more he took from other planets, the faster ours was dying, so my brothers and I did what needed to be done. We stopped him,” he said, frowning at the memory. I could tell that it brought him so much pain even recalling it, so I couldn’t imagine the pain he went through when he lived it so long ago, “there was a bloodbath in this throne room. My younger brothers fell that day along with so many others, and it came down to just Cul and I. He had sent his followers away to spare their lives because he knew I wouldn’t kill him, that I would spare his life because of the ancient rules, rules he never followed but rules I couldn’t break,” he explained, glancing back over at me.

I furrowed my eyebrows, “but you broke them on that day?” I guessed, hoping it to be true.

He shook his head, a few strands of white hair falling out of place, “I couldn’t, and it wasn’t because of the ancient rules. I couldn’t kill him because he was my brother, he wasn’t the King of Asgard, not to me. I couldn’t kill him because I could still remember running around the palace with him and getting in trouble for fooling around for too long when I should have been studying battle techniques. Instead, I banished him to the Realm of Death, hoping that Death would be able to do to him what I could not bring myself to do. It was where he belonged. He delivered so many souls to Death that day alone that he deserved to face them all once more,” he said, glancing back over at the throne and narrowing his eyes, “but if I could go back with the knowledge I have now, I would have killed him when I had the chance because-”

Before he could explain his reasoning, a booming voice caused the entirety of Asgard to quake beneath our feet. It was the first time in my life I saw pure fear in my father’s eyes, “Odin!”

*Eva’s POV*

I stood in the courtyard that overlooked the Rainbow Bridge. Thor and Odin stood side-by-side in front of Sif, Ephinea, Fandral, Hogun, Volstagg, and I. Behind us were members of Odin’s kingsguard. While I had not wished to even wake up at all that week-let alone see the Allfather-I stood there out of the love I had for Asgard and my willingness to protect the people from any intruder, including the one that stood before us with his battleaxe strapped to his back. He stood the same height as Hjalmar once did, only slightly taller than the God of Thunder himself. The man before us all held himself like a King with his shoulder straightened and his head held high. He looked massive, like he was a force to be reckoned with. I had never met him, but he looked so oddly familiar to me, like a face I had seen only once before.

Dark brown hair that matched his short beard fell in waves nearly as long as mine, but he pulled the strands from his face and fastened them behind his head to see clearly. Even from our distance, I could see myself clearly in his piercing green eyes. Those eyes were filled with so much anger, so much hatred, but they were still so beautiful and pure...a green that matched the colors of spring. My breath hitched in my throat, and it felt like I was going to suffocate. I knew those eyes. I knew them from somewhere, and when he spoke, I began trembling with unchecked fear, “I am Ezra, son of Cul, and I have been sent here by my father, Cul, son of Bor, the rightful heir to the throne of Asgard. I have been instructed to deliver a message to the usurper, your false king,” he spat out, grimacing at Odin. I was shocked by his words, unsure whether or not they were truthful. I had never heard of Odin having any brothers aside from Vili and Ve, and neither of them had any children of their own. It was clear by the looks on the faces of my comrades that I was not the only one who was confused by his claims.

Even if he did, Odin was our King, and for an outsider to show up in Asgard and insult the throne, it was unacceptable. While I was angry at Odin for justifiable reasons, I did not hate him, and I would still fight to protect Asgard and her people. As I made a motion to step forward, Ephinea put out her hand to hold me back. When I tried to pass her still, she grabbed my arm, making her movements as small and unnoticeable as possible to keep from gaining the attention of the the outsider. She gave my wrist a gentle squeeze, trying to remind me without words that this wasn’t the right time. The small motions still pulled the attention of Ezra, and he glanced over at me in particular. His green eyes scanned over my body, and he smirked, “you’re just itching to kill me, aren’t you?” he asked before glancing back at Odin, “I see why you keep some of your best warriors chained up in the dungeons-like your son. It must be terrifying to have this one roaming around,” he said, gesturing to me.

A fury erupted in my chest as he mentioned Loki. I gritted my teeth, my chest continuing to rise and fall at an alarming rate. Still, I remained silent, not wishing to escalate the situation. Odin spoke up, “did you come here to discuss the population of Asgard’s dungeons, or do you have another motive?” he asked, cocking an eyebrow with a mischievous grin. He was pulling a page out of Loki’s book, smiling in the face of danger. It was one of the things that made me love Loki even more, and it made me see Odin as so much more than I had been willing to in the past. In that moment, he became so much more three-dimensional than ever before. While he had forsaken Loki in the past and made his own mistakes, there was a piece of him that still loved the young trickster. When I saw him find his confidence the way Loki did, it made me think of the impact Loki’s actions must’ve had on the Allfather. While I wished to speak with Odin about it, I knew that this was neither the time nor the place for such discussions.

Ezra cast one more glance over at me with a smirk that made me sick to my stomach, but he turned his attention back to Odin when I grimaced at him, “my father sent me with his demands. In his exile, he has been building allegiances with many people within the Nine Realms and beyond, and I can assure you that none of them are particularly fond of Asgard. They would be willing and able to tear Asgard apart at my father’s command, but he is willing to go about this peacefully,” Ezra stated in a menacing tone.

“And what does Cul want in return for his promise of peace?” Odin inquired.

Ezra chuckled, stepping forward, “he wants the throne back, the throne you stole from him,” he growled, pointing a finger at the Allfather, “he demands you hand over the throne of Asgard, and in return, you will be exiled to the Realm of Death just like you did to him. As I see it, you have two options: you can surrender and meet his demands, which will lead to a peaceful life for your people; or, you can resist, which will lead to our return and the subsequent bloodbath that will take place. Either way, we will take the throne of Asgard, but your decision could save thousands,” Ezra said, offering Odin the ultimatum as if he was in any position to do that. He came to Asgard with no supporters behind him and threatened a King with the entire Asgardian army at his disposal.

Odin smiled at the man in front of him, and I saw the condescending undertones, causing me to smile as well. While I harbored some ill will toward him upon recent news, I could not bring myself to hate him or declare that he was a poor king. He held himself with strength and dignity, which was something that would not work in the strangers favor, “you forget the third option,” he smirked, and Ezra cocked his head, clenching his fists, “it’s where I let your armies come, and I defeat Cul just like I did all those years ago. I had no problem doing it then, and I won’t fail now. You do not look for peace, but I pity you if you try to fight us. We know much about what must be sacrificed to maintain peace, and I do not wish for a war. However, I will do what needs to be done should your father attempt to wage a war against Asgard and her allies,” he explained, “so, you can tell my brother that his proposition was met with resistance.”

Ezra chuckled, stepping even closer to Odin. As soon as he was too close, the entire army behind us drew their weapons, but Odin raised a hand, wishing to entertain the boy for even longer. I listened to the warriors lower their weapons, but they did not put them back in the sheathe. I glanced down at Thor’s hands that were balled up in fists. Ezra leaned in close to Odin and spoke, “well, I came here for your surrender, and I’m not about to leave empty-handed,” he murmured before stepping away from the two of them and pointing at me. Once more, his eyes trailed along every piece of my body before locking eyes with me, “I’ll take that one,” he dictated, closing the space between the two of us.

Before he could stand directly in front of me, Ephinea stepped between the two of us, “try to take her, and I will rip you in half with my bare hands,” she threatened, rage clear in her voice. She had always been like an older sister to me, so it didn’t surprise me that she would react like that to someone who was threatening my safety.

Ezra glanced over at her but then back at me, “call off your dog, pet,” he instructed, cocking his head to the side with a smile filled with false admiration.

I scowled at the nickname he decided to give me, and I felt a chill run down my spine at the thought that I could be traded off to ensure peace, even if that peace would be short-lived. Odin’s stunned silence was not helping ease my troubled thoughts, but I had to act with strength and grace just as I always tried to, just as my father taught me all my life. I raised my hand and rested it upon Ephinea’s shoulder as I stepped out from behind her. She gazed over at me, horrified and flustered because of my actions. She had no idea what I was planning to do or why I was planning to do it, but I offered her a short glance that I hoped would set her mind at ease. When I stepped between her and Ezra, he didn’t break eye contact with me. He smirked, one of his eyes twitching ever so slightly as he narrowed them at me.

He searched my eyes-for what, I didn’t know-and when he didn’t find what he was looking for, he grabbed my chin and brought his face impossibly closer to mine, “tell me, what is it you want, pet? Do you wish for acceptance? Strength? Power? A real family? A place where you belong?” he asked, “I’m sorry to break your heart, but you won’t find any of that here, not with the current ruler. And, what about Loki? I’m sure you want him back, too, don’t you?” he asked, causing my breath to hitch in my throat. How did Ezra know about Loki? How did he know about my deepest desires? As I stared up at him with wide eyes, terrified that he was able to pick me apart so easily. He raised his eyebrows, sympathy crossing over his face, “you have so much to learn, beautiful, and if you cooperate, we’ll give you the answers you seek and the opportunity to live out the rest of your life with Loki,” he murmured before grabbing a fistful of my hair and pulling me even closer to him, “but should you fail, I will find your girl on Midgard and tear her apart in front of you just for fun!” he growled, my heart twisting and shattering into a million pieces before he pushed me down onto the ground.

“THAT’S ENOUGH!” Thor’s loud voice boomed, almost like thunder itself. I could barely think of anything aside from Ezra’s threat. I was paralyzed with fear at the very idea that enemies of Asgard knew about her, that they could use her against me. Thor spoke as I tried to collect myself, “you are sorely mistaken if you think we’ll just hand her over to you. Now, we have entertained this madness for long enough. If you try to take her, you will not live to see another sunrise,” Thor promised, glancing down at me and nodding his head. I knew that I would have nothing to fear with Thor by my side. Even if Odin, for some reason, wanted to send me away, Thor would betray his father just to keep me safe.

Ezra chuckled again, laughing in the face of the God of Thunder, “I haven’t seen a sunrise in nearly 300 years,” he confessed, and a piece of my heart broke for him. I couldn’t help but see small pieces of Loki in him, the anger, the pain, the hate. I had nothing to compare Ezra to, though. I knew the man Loki used to be, so I knew that pieces of him were still alive. Still, everyone could be saved, and that included the enemies of Asgard. Ezra continued, “no matter! I’m used to taking what I want by any means necessary, and I don’t lose,” he said before unsheathing his axe in one swift motion and swinging it down toward Thor.

In the split second it took Ezra to begin the attack, I jumped up to my feet and drew Hellbreaker, one of the many swords my father had helped forge for me. Right before his blade could graze my prince, I stepped in front of it, catching the handle of his battleaxe with the blade of my sword and stopping him from hurting Thor. His eyes widened in clear astonishment. I was sure someone like him didn’t anticipate anything extraordinary, especially not from the person he nicknamed “pet” only moments prior. I pushed him away from the Thor and I, “you don’t lose?” I asked, grinning up at the intruder, “well, neither do I!”

[icedlattemochamochi]

Things seemed to have smoothed over for the most part, mainly because I’ve had to swallow my feelings. He’s been better about not talking about her 24-7, but I’m sure he’s still talking to her, just now hiding it better from me. But there’s still a big underlying problem- he lacks interest in me. That’s where all the problems began. Sure, there’s obligation and responsibility and the fact that we’ve built a life together. But he misses social interaction so much with everyone else he considers more popular and has 0 interest in getting to know the wife better. Case in point: he bought a deck of questions to get to know someone better. He thought it would be a good idea to use these to improve our marriage and understand each other better. I loved the idea. Started playing… but it was more like an interview where I ask him the questions and he answers things about himself or asks me questions about what I think his superpower is… etc. Basically it was almost all about him. I had to interrupt him multiple times to get him to answer the same question about me. My answers to his questions were thoughtful and I was genuinely interested in his stories and preferences. When he asked me what I thought his superpower was, I said that its that he cares a lot of other people and makes them feel included/welcomed, and said that it could be his superpower or weakness. When I “forced” him to answer questions about me, his answers were generic. Anyone wouldve said the same about me- not truly knowing who i am. “Your super power is that you’re smart.” Two minutes before, I had said that I hated being called smart because of a good GPA or grades because I feel like I am not and it did nothing for my life. Then he called it my superpower. He doesn’t listen to me or try… he doesn’t even know me. A stranger couldve looked at my high school yearbook and said “your superpower is that you’re smart”. It means NOTHING to me. He knows my habits… knows I’m messy, knows I hate cleaning, that I’m lazy, that I’m more of a night owl than an early bird, that I used to love sleeping (doesn’t know WHY i liked to sleep so much though) etc etc. But he doesn’t know ME or maybe just doesn’t appreciate anything deeply personal about me. That I am loyal to the end with the people I love, that I care too much sometimes and gets hurt, that I try to always believe the best in people- that sometimes I’m called naive or innocent because of it, that I am the best listener, that my biggest peeve is someone taking advantage of me or my loved ones, and that my best trait is nurturing and supporting my family and friends… that it’s hard for me to make friends but my closest friends are friends for life. If asked what my best trait is- I can guess his answer “Your skin”. My answer “your friendliness” or “quiet confidence” (or something to that effect). He doesnt know me at all… doesn’t want to know me… doesnt care. He wanted to take the cards to work to play with his techs aka her. He knows things about her- that she likes getting reactions out of people, that she feels deeply sad about her brother’s passing, that she needs help, and even plans her birthday to include her mom. That she’s a isfj…That she’s “lazy” but just needs the right kind of motivation, that he wants to provide that for her. How is it that he knows so much about her as a person and wants to know more by playing this card game with her and yet seems to know almost nothing about who I am as a person? I’m pretending to have a happy life with someone that doesnt have an ounce of interest in who i am. I’m comfortable, im familiar, im present… im the used outdated toy in the corner. Woody in the closet.

[yogirlsemotionalstate]

DLB

chapter one

It all started last year. I’ve always thought that you were cute but you were in a relationship. I noticed that I could feel your gazes on me and that you would strike up a conversation first. When you followed me on instagram, i knew it was the beginning. “Excuse me, do we have a problem?” was the initiation of everything. This was in July 2020. Little did i know that i would eventually be having a problem. Innocent flirting started happening. Attachment started to grow and games of cup pong was reoccurring. I asked if you were still in a relationship and you weren’t, this is when my hope for you grew. An event happened at your place and you invited my best friend with hopes that I was going. I wasn’t aware of it but you said you hoped that I was going to be attending. I told you if you invited me and I wouldve came. My birthday rolled by and I was waiting for you to greet me the second 12 am hit, but I was just happy you greeted me in the first hour of my birthday. Things were going good. I told you about my inexperience of boys and I want to take things slow. You said you weren’t looking for anything serious, but I knew I was in it for the long haul. “Do you want anything serious or just to mess around?” and you responded with i wouldn’t mind messing around, I thought i could change that. Time went on and things changed.

chapter two

This is when things went downhill. I’ve always known I have attachment issues but your equavilent is commitment issues. We do share one thing in common and it was our trust issues. There was a sudden change in the mood. It’s too hard to look back to what or who started it but there were problems that started with jealousy and needing attention. I was and still get frustrated because there is nothing to get upset/jealous over because we were never a thing. I wanted to voice my opinions and feelings over things but I held back because it shouldn’t be my concern. The back and forth of constant irritation without it being addressed and then suddenly we were addressing things slowly by slowly. “It’s whatever,” but in reality it wasn’t. From Ben to A to Austin to Marcus and so on. We had the same concerns but weren’t vocal about it. The lack of interest from your responses and the lag on my replies didn’t go well together. I started to listen to outsiders on their opinions of the situation which made me overthink almost everything. Reassurance was what we needed.

chapter three

I was first to admit that I like you and you didn’t give me the same response, which I was fine with. I find myself getting attached to my feelings and emotions easily so I wasn’t expecting you to say it back. Although, I was upset because I felt like you would never get to the point were you would like me. A friendly dispute about our jealousy stirred one night. I called you out on A and you said that I was different than her (whatever that means). I asked you what that meant and you said it was a good thing that I was different. You asked if I wanted to know how you truly felt about me and of course I did. My heart was thumping because the answer to my questions were going to be answered and depending on the answer it was either we cut ties or keep whatever we had up. “I like you...” that’s all I read and a smile was brought to my face. Cinnamon girl by lana was played on repeat. From there i felt like it was smooth sailing with us.

chapter four

Your birthday came up and I wanted you to have a good day. I was excited for you and happy that you were spending time with your love ones. You posted a picture and in the background was your ex. Doubts started fill my head and insécurités popped up. Again with me not wanting to address the issue, I put it on a shelf. When I did that, I didn’t realize that I would be irritated and upset because I felt like a side piece. Mood swings from me to you were happening constantly. Drunk me had the courage to call you and ask about that. You said she was close to your family and from this day on I’m still confused on what that means. The next day, we laughed about it because it was an insane phone call.

chapter five

The week were covid pay happened was when I started to be paranoid. I surprisingly was called to have time off with pay because of Ben. You were kinda upset about the fact that I got it because I wasn’t supposed to have been near him anyways. You took that week off as well and things got weird. Excuses on the daily that week kept on going and suddenly my messages weren’t being delivered. I was blocked. This ties in with the previous chapter because things weren’t still addressed with the ex situation. As time went on, you did every so often and it hurt me. On valentine’s day, I was blocked and my best friend texted you and her message delivered while mine didn’t. I was upset to the max. That’s when I should’ve cut ties with you but my attachment has grown to where I couldn’t. I finally asked about it and you said that you didn’t and there wasn’t reason as to why you would, but of course you would say that. I believed you, because I hope that you wouldn’t have a reason and I trusted you. I started opening up to you. I told you that I did believe you, but deep down I know I didn’t. Time went on and I was honest with you about it. You said it was fine that I didn’t believe you and that you weren’t lying. I want to trust you still. I messed with your friend and I told you a portion of it, but when i did tell you the full story you were upset with me. That almost ended things. I felt like shit about it

chapter six

After that, we are on our current chapter now. We started getting in a grove with each other. Im getting more comfortable with you and so were you. Things were amazing between us. Daily facetime calls and constant communication was amazing. I’m learning to trust you. Trips to my house and yours were a thing. Our first kiss was at your car and countless of them were. I’m truly into you and i don’t know if you are. I’m either falling in love with you or the idea of you, but I do know that I love you as a person. I’m still in it for the long haul.

[shadyteacup]

SO SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY!

Once again, i find myself taking a moment to accept this, because it pretty much reflects my own personality

<warning: self-rant>

I suppose i was way too mature for my age, even as a child (esp as a child). I was aware of ppl's emotions, their mood, the way they reacted, and how i must react, or what i shld say/do to create this 'ideal' opinion of myself for them. I practically used to ensure that ppl saw me in a certain way. It was so deep rooted that after a certain point, i had forgotten what my actual reaction or response to a situation would be. I was shaping my answers, words, reactions according to the way i wanted the ppl around me to perceive me; i was handing them 'their perception of me' on a silver platter.

But dont get me wrong, its not my parents' fault. I just had always been like that. They still dont know abt this lmao. Now, i have grown a bit, and am myself, as in, 'my true self', just a tad bit more.

In fact, my mom could never truly understand me as a child. She, to this day, asks me if she had been a bad mother somehow(she hadnt; she was the best, so stress free and relax, and never used to make me sad or unhappy. She was and still is, always there for me. Shez like a beacon of warmth, one i can run to with all my problems and know that shed solve em for me)

<end of rant>

ANYWAY

I find Dazai a lot like me. He was too smart for his age. This might be because he was exposed to too much darkness at too young an age(we dont know abt his life before 15, but 15 is still pretty young)

He finds it hard to just... let loose, be himself..

and... i can relate... i dunno why im like this, but i just am.. we're both constantly hiding our true selves, creating a facade for the world. And, in my case, the truth isnt bad, in fact, my true personality is very nice, and im pretty sure so is Dazai's.

As he grows, mentally, in the ada, he understands that its okay to let go, to be free. Yet, he isnt 100% himself. Rather, he's just a tiny fraction of himself. But that's still growth. And I'm so proud of him.

As you said, he finds it difficult to accept that he deserves the happiness, that he can let go, and often reverts back to his sadder, more held back self.

So, imo, he takes on a project to make himself useful; to make some good, to deserve some happiness. yk, to be productive and not feel like shit.

That's Atsushi. Atsushi is a project for dazai, one that he puts his heart and soul into, coz he wants to not be worthless. He already has guilt about akutagawa(its very slight, but its there; he also is aware that he had to be harsh towards aku, to prepare him for the harsher life in the mafia. If aku hadnt been trained under dazai's harsh rules, he wouldve been bullied to no end; considering his physical weakness. Aku, imo, is a monster that was created by dazai in order to save him; To save aku, for he had been brought into a dark world, where innocence only meant death. Dazai tortured aku. He practically drilled his own authority into aku's head, ensuring that he only saw dazai above him, and everyone else beneath him. Because that attitude was needed in the mafia, to be fearless and feared by all. And dazai always meant well for aku(ok, maybe not always, he used aku for selfish reasons, manipulated him even. But he's still better than the rest) So, it was safer for aku to only serve dazai, as dazai would ensure that he was always taken care of)(aku is another topic i can go on, and on, and oooonn abt lmao)

SO

through atsushi, dazai seeks to redeem himself. And he finds it disgusting that he finds it a necessity to redeem himself in the first place. He hates that he feels guilty, shameful and worthless. Because he isnt a monster; as in, a super-intelligent being with no guilt. According to him, he is half human and half monster. But he is, in fact, 100% human. Just a little too smart, hence he doesn't fit in.

*sighs* My hands are tired from typing so much

This is so much fun tho

Hi this is the writer of the Dazai SFW Alphabet (kunikinnie is a sideblog) and I just saw your tags on it and I think I'm melting

I'm not a Dazai kin which makes your words all the more heartwarming aaa I'm so glad there's someone who shares the same views on Dazai as I do HAHA

(And this is the first time we're interacting so this also came as a surprise to me ehe)

OMG HI!

Might I just say, that I loved your work!

Yes, it truly is so rare to find sm1 who shares the same opinions on Dazai, as he is quite an enigma, even to the animators, and multiple sides of him are shown to us throughout the seasons.. many focus on his more comical tendencies (like the animators who skipped that nurse scene) while others focus more on his suicidal tendencies and give him a sad, solemn nature.

Imo, Dazai is a cunning, yet emotional man, who hates to admit that he is, in fact, human. He dislikes being weak, but doesn't mind letting others believe that he is weaker than he actually is, just to get a one up on them. He also hates showing the world who he actually is, as he doesn't trust anyone. He will go to lengths to hide his true self, sometimes brainwashing himself to believe that he is this fake persona.

I can go on for hours, lmao, but I'm so happy and excited to have come across ur work♡

I kin him so much (it's concerning) and u just showed me a mirror through ur post hehe (was actually overwhelming, I felt as though I was talking to a therapist who was listing out my personality traits)(I rlly loved it tho)(maybe I should go see a therapist-)

Also, yeah we had never interacted b4, but I loved ur work too much to not reblog :3

[erinravenseekerarts]

This is the Deal You Made

HEY LOOK I ACTUALLY POST SOMETHING

Alright so this is a Miraculous Ladybug fic I wrote partly inspired by this chapter in seasonofthegeek’s awesome One Hundred MORE Miraculous Drabbles. Also inspired by that one bit in JelloApocalypse's So This is Basically Miraculous Ladybug when he says "ladybubs has the power to be lucky, and catnerd has the power to kill anything he touches."

Also disclaimer don’t trust my science. Yes, I actually do have a degree. In bullshitting.

So yeah this happened. Read on my AO3 or under the cut.

Post on the Ladyblog, Today at 11:03pm.

victory once again!

theLadyblogger another akuma beat by ladybug and chat noir! you two are awesome!! ladybug totes beat ass back ther like omg ur the best herere the snaps i got frm the fight bros attachment: heckyes.pptx but srsly its like 11pm cn hwkmoth plz just take a brkkkkk alredy????

Comments on; victory once again!

cookietime at 11:10pm ladybug isn’t the best, she’s useless without chat noir

curiositykilledthechat at 11:13pm What do you mean? I disagree.

cookietime at 11:14pm i mean ladybug would probably be dead by now if it werent for chat noir

curiositykilledthechat at 11:16pm Don’t say that! Ladybug is definitely capable of taking all these akumas on her own, you know.

cookietime at 11:17pm shes literally cannon fodder w/out chat what are you talking about. i stand by my previous claim shes naive and shed already be dead

curiositykilledthechat at 11:18pm That’s a lie! Ladybug is intelligent, beautiful, and she works incredibly hard to keep the city safe every night! That’s more than many people in Paris can do.

cookietime at 11:20pm whatever. she wouldve died tonight if it werent for chat noir. dont even try to convince me otherwise.

theLadyblogger at 11:21pm the heck is goin on here!?!??!!?!?!!1?!?? this is blASPHEMY

Marinette didn’t even dare to look at the next response, closing the tab. Of course Alya had to arrive then. Marinette’s honestly surprised she hasn’t been banned yet for all the times she’s ‘blasphemed’ or whatever about Ladybug. Maybe that’s just her best friend privileges speaking.

Her phone buzzes. Probably Alya. She doesn’t even care right now, flopping back onto her bed, pulling a pillow over her head, and screaming into it. She’s so tired, it’s one of those days, and she just can’t handle it right now. Not with the late-night akuma attack, with her friends throwing praise at her alter ego all the time, not when she really doesn’t deserve it. Sometimes it’s fun, but on days like this she only fights because she’s the only one who can.

She doesn’t move as the trapdoor above her bed squeaks a little, as a small gust of the chilly night air outside puffs into the room, as a weight lands and makes itself comfortable on her bed. She feels like if she lifts the pillow off her head she’ll scream or sob and she can’t do it. Not when he’s come to visit her on a night like this. He didn’t have to argue with her online, he didn’t have to break out at almost midnight, and he certainly didn’t have to jump rooftops in the cold just to make sure she would be okay.

Marinette resists the urge to punch something, probably herself, as slivers of green light filter past her shut eyelids. She can hear Plagg muttering and the sound of a drawer opening, likely the small cat getting at the camembert she always keeps there for him. When she feels the pillow being pulled at a little, she only holds it tighter.

“Mari,” Adrien says quietly, and she lets out a sob. She’s shaking, she knows, and he scoops her up into his arms as she cries and her pillow leaves her face and all she can do is latch onto him. Either one of them could’ve died tonight and it’s just so hard to think straight and here she is, breaking down when she really shouldn’t and it’s just so difficult to keep going on like everything is normal when it really isn’t. She can’t go to school tomorrow, and she has no doubt Adrien would just stay here and play games with her for the whole day if she didn’t force him to go.

“It’s okay,” he shushes, and she knows she can hear Tikki and Plagg talking in the background but all she can focus on is how tight her grip on the front of Adrien’s shirt is because if she lets her mind any further than what is immediately in front of her she’ll snap completely. “We’re okay.” She ignores the buzzing of her phone by her leg. Alya’s either mad, or worried, or both, but she can’t care right now.

It seems like ages before Marinette's able to pull away just a little, forcing her breathing to even. Adrien still won’t budge, keeping her in a close hug. God knows she needs it.

“You didn’t have to come,” she says eventually, body completely under control once again. She pulls away. “I’ll have been fine eventually.”

“Nonsense, bug. What kind of partner would I be then?” he gives her an empathetic smile. “Besides, we both have our days. At least I can be here for you.”

More tears are going down Marinette’s cheeks but now she’s smiling faintly. She’s pulled back into the hug and honestly, there’s nothing else she wants right now.

If the next day is spent napping and cuddling and playing video games and definitely not at school, who’s to judge?

Breathing is hard.

Skeletal muscles attach to bones and move according to messages from the nervous system. One such muscle is the diaphragm, the muscle that facilitates the breathing process by expanding and contracting the space inside of the lungs, creating a vacuum that is quickly replaced by air via the bronchial tubes.

Moving is hard.

Fatigue slows the central nervous system, causing difficulties in reaction time and movement speed. As muscles typically involved in all types of movement are skeletal muscles, they rely on the central nervous system to pilot them.

Keeping one’s tired heart together is hard.

Scientifically speaking, hearts themselves cannot break. They aren’t made of a brittle substance, they are muscle. However hearts, unlike other muscles, cannot tire. They consist of a special muscle called cardiac muscle, which contains up to 35% mitochondria, supplying the heart with a nigh-limitless amount of energy. While the heart does not tire naturally, it isn’t impossible for it to tire. By the point that it does, serious damage has already been done to the fibres.

The bright screen hurts his eyes in the darkness of his room. His hands are shaking. Plagg is asleep. He doesn’t want to wake the exhausted kwami. The Ladyblog is open on his computer and he can’t keep writing. Alya’s probably pissed.

curiositykilledthechat at 9:47pm Chat Noir doesn’t even do anything useful.

theLadyblogger at 9:51pm wat the heck u talkin about?!??!?!?????

curiositykilledthechat at 9:53pm I mean, Ladybug always carries the fights. She’s the one who always fixes everything.

cookietime at 9:54pm that doesn’t mean chat noir isn’t helpful!

theLadyblogger at 9:54pm chat noir protects ladybug and makes it so she can fix everythin tho!!!

curiositykilledthechat at 9:56pm All he does is destroy things and put people in danger.

Adrien's vision is blurry. When did he start crying? He can’t read the messages on the Ladyblog. It probably doesn’t matter. His phone buzzes. Several times. Then it rings. He doesn’t pick it up, doesn’t move from his spot in the chair at his desk. When a cold gust of wind hits him he faintly thinks When did my window open? before two arms wrap around his shoulders from behind. Ah. Then. The window is always unlocked anyway. His hand grips the arms tightly, and he doesn’t protest when they urge him up and move him over to the couch to sit down. He still doesn’t look. There’s a flash of pink light as the window is shut, then footsteps make their way to him.

“Shhhhh, it’s alright,” Marinette sits down beside him and pulls him into a hug. She runs her hands through his hair as he silently struggles to control his breathing. He’s leaning heavily on her, but she doesn’t complain. He’s always leaning on her, always being a burden, always messing things up and endangering her and being controlled and destroying everything.

“Quiet now, kitty,” she whispers as he opens his mouth to say something, anything, and he buries his face further into her shoulder. His hands are shaking but he’s stopped crying now, at least.

“All I do is destroy things,” he gets out meekly after a few minutes. Marinette hums.

“What about us? You’re always saving me. You were the one to ask me out,” she replies gently.

“I’m scared,” he’s almost whispering now. “I have the power to destroy everything I touch. I do destroy everything I touch.” It’s barely audible now. “What if I destroy someone?”

“I’ll know you never meant to,” comes the steady reply. He knew that would be the answer. He just can’t believe Marinette would trust him so deeply and entirely. Because it’s happened before, that he’s tried to use Cataclysm on a person. She told him so; he’d pulled it on her during the Dark Cupid incident. He feels sick. The power to destroy whatever he touches, to kill people so easily, is terrifying to wield. He feels like he shouldn’t have this responsibility, no matter what Plagg or Tikki say. He can’t trust himself enough.

They spend a little longer in silence until Adrien is almost falling asleep on Marinette’s shoulder, calmed and purring quietly. Side effects of being Chat Noir. She eventually huffs and nudges him up.

“Come on, sleepy kitty, we have a test tomorrow and I need my beauty sleep too.” Adrien protests faintly as she leaves. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Is that okay?”

Adrien nods. “Yes. I’m okay.”

Alya and Nino are worried about their friends, sure. Sometimes the happiness seems forced, too-wide smiles and very quick "i’m fine"s followed by a change in subject. They’re better around each other, though. Marinette is less frantic when near Adrien, and Alya suspects she’s just acting all flustered and stuff now. Adrien seems less tense around Marinette, more comfortable in his own skin.

Alya and Nino know they aren’t part of whatever seems to be going on in their best friends’ lives. They know no matter how much they wish they could change the circumstances, know and be part of it, it’s something they can’t be privy to.

Whatever’s wrong, they’re glad those two have each other.

End.