#and like. duh??? fucking obviously? was that a necessary thing to say? I was just letting you know he was going to lunch ffs

[pearl-kite]

I have to close with my least favorite co-worker, someone help meeeeee

[bubblingbowie]

just read your little logan smut with flower mutant!reader. ugh!! it was literally so sweet !! all the little nicknames for her “his flustered girl?” “the sweetest thing.” UGH i’m clawing my hair out it’s so good.

it made me think like what happens if he were to like overstimulate her or something. or maybe she’s had a bad day, or logan had been out on a mission and she misses him. and so when he gets back and pounds her into the mattress, bc duh obviously he missed his girl, little vines of some climbing flower wrap around his arms where he holds her, and eventually up his biceps, around his waist where they can sprawl over his abs, all of her favorite places of logan. and obviously she doesn’t realize it bc she’s too lost in how logan makes her feel and how much she missed him.

oh and maybe when she realizes, they start to retract because she’s so embarrassed !! and logan’s all like “hey, now don’t pull away from me, pretty girl,” and just kisses every inch of her and holds her close. please i’m obsessed. logan and his pretty flower girl are all i need !!!

a/n: YALLLL she's back. i literally had a whole other fic i was writing but this ask shot me and i just had to so thank u anon :) i will post the other fic soon but for now! be kind to me work has been busy i love uuuu enjoy!

Logan Howlett x f!reader | 18+ i'll bop you between ya eyes | flower!mutant :)

you all but jump into Logan's arms. 19 hours away; of silence. it was necessary for his stupid mission but agony for his darling love back at their cabin in the woods. he couldn't even make it inside, you ran out so he wouldn't have to find you in the house. "hey, sweet-pea." he gruffs, your eyes just beaming. he sure doesn't miss the dandelions that you leave behind with each step.

"about time! you said you'd be home by ten! god i was worried sick, i-i didn't know if i should cook dinner or not so there's nothing to eat." you babble, worried and running up the wall with meaningless stress. he just watches with a keen eye.

his hand ushers to your head, petting so sweetly to calm you down. "hey. hey. 'm alright, dolly. don't even care about dinner." and then the softest kiss to your forehead. "just happy you're here." like you'd be gone when he came back.

you're relaxed in his palm, eyes glued up to him. it's like he never left you. "bought some whiskey for you though." oh he's dating an angel, he knows it. and your proud smile just sends him in a frenzy of wanting to sip and stay with you in the living room or carry you over his shoulder to your bed. he wants the latter so badly.

he chuckles lowly and wraps his big burly arms wrap around your waist, his nose nudging under your ear. "too kind to me, baby." he murmurs. your all too familiar scent envelopes him and the switch is flipped. he has you to himself again. and Logan is just sooo greedy for his girl.

greedy and impatient. he all but shoves his large backpack into the corner of your shared room before you're thrown on the gentle plushness of the comforter. and you even made the bed for him, his sweetest girl. he's panting, eyes blown while your sweater rises up on your skin. the most he can do while he's crawling towards you is press the softest pecks on your knees and the front of your calves.

"missed you so bad." you're heart flips in its place, the sight of big bad Wolverine slinking slowly up your legs worshipping every inch he saw just too much.

"it was only a day." you chuckle, a hazy grin on your lips. your hands trail down to his hair, running through it with a smile. its fuel to the fire.

there's a small nip onto your thigh from the comment. "you say that like i don't need you every fucking minute of the it." he's quick to peel off pesky clothing in the way of the grand prize. both your tops and your own shorts were laid lazily on the floor. Logan nearly ripped it all off, his teeth baring a few times with how wanton he seemed. it's just you in your cute cotton panties and he aches all over for you. "can i? christ- lemme have you dolly, please?" you gulp, cheeks red and knees weak.

"please. yes please, need you so bad" oh how you're eyes go wide when you're desperate. Logan's hand gliding up and up your abdomen, a soft gleam shown with how smooth you've stayed. fingers run over the breasts he's worshipped so many times. after all that's been done, you've stayed his sweetest girl. so sweet you'd let him fuck you silly so quickly!

🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻

"i know sweetie, so deep, ain't i? jus' feel good, petal" he cooed so sweetly with your legs on his shoulders, pressed so lean against the silk pillowcases (bought by you but loved the most by Logan).

"oh fuck! 's so good, god-!" your eyes were screwed shut. you couldn't keep up, it always happens. senses get clogged up with how his dick stretches you so nice. all you hear is the quickness of skin on skin, his movement so unforgiving. you see Logan with a slacked jaw from how sloppy he's gotten you even within the few moments he's had you back in his arms.

but what you feel? you feel heaven and light all at once. you feel loved and loving, your skin melting into his. wanting him closer. to stay. on Logan's end, he's relishing in your sweet noises. just working along to keep your legs shaking, keep those warm tears falling down your cheeks, keep those vines growing your skin onto his hands rested on your waist. Logan does a double take.

the vines. oh shit. gardening again! just like those weeks ago with the wisteria. he remembers how red you were when your eyes laid upon those flowers. poor thing, your first thought was you hurt him. sure, like your mind would ever let yourself harm him. he prays it's a normal occurrence now, maybe he's a good man after all if you're so willing. a beautiful creation he has laid out so beautifully and for him?

yeah, you're growing more for him. "thas' it dolly, just feel good. you like my cock so bad? hm?" in your head, he's just talking about how you've gone limb from how the head of his cock rams deep into what feels like your gut. makes you so dumb you nod eagerly. he grins. the vines grow and grow to where they keep his hands attached to curve of your lower back. he can't loose you in all this now, can he?

Logan's just happy you've had your eyes welted shut focused on the bliss he's giving you, moaning like it's second nature. you were a vision beyond anything he'd seen with your charming trailing plants making him keep fucking into you. even the most darling buds pop next to the leaves.

"some pretty flowers for me too, huh?" Logan curses himself for saying that when your eyes meekly open, the words unfamiliar from his lips when it came to being fucked into a mattress. and then they're quarters from there. wide and beady while watching the fruits of your labor spinning and twisting up your lovers arms while he fucks you so good.

"oh...L-Lo, ah! i'm sorry i'll stop- fuck!" you really wanted to be sorry and pitying, to cry more than you were but from sheer humiliation. not from blinding pleasure. but maybe the vines had the good idea. they're not constricting yet not too different from your clawing hands onto his back.

he simply shakes his head. "nah. nah, keep em. lemme see it all, petal, please." embarrassment subsides. it's your Logan! there's no need for it. your shoulders relax with your head lulling back into the pillow, too cock drunk to think of ever letting this stop. more vines blossom onto his broad shoulders now. he'd be covered by the end of the night at this rate. "good girl, there we go..." the vines were kind enough to let his arm bend down to your cheeks pressing haste kisses on your flushed skin, peppering and spoiling you for you compliance. always so eager to please. his filthy girl.

he's insatiable, eager for more. his hips buck into you with more intent. to push you over, to have you more intimately. or to put it plainly, to feel you cum hard on his cock. and with how you clench around him with your little noises of "ah! ah! ah!" his lips capture yours in a sloppy kiss. all teeth while he drinks in every muffled moan. you just taste like fucking candy everywhere he puts his mouth, you're magic incarnate. in all his blistering years barely alive he's never known a feeling like having you below him so desperate to have his cock.

he doesn't know it but his stroke are getting messy. he's getting close and you're right behind him, your back arching into the sheets. he has to move his hands. his knuckles feel raw where those three shiny blades seep out. Logan's all too familiar with it. though he didn't think moving your flora would be so easy when detaching his hands to avoid an accidental injury to his lady.

fingers wrap around the bed frame with another large palm cradling your head to face him. you face the foliage you've made on his shoulders, and now, his chest. what a sight. seeing the ivy leaves decorate him and his specially carved abs.

oh you were a weak woman. "fuck, 'm gonna cum! more, please gimme more-" you cry out, now pulling him in by those strong stems able to carry while buildings. no longer auto pilot. you're all too aware. he groans, eyes nearly rolling in the back of his head.

"doin' that on purpose now, bub" oh you were. you simply wanted his fat cock deeper for when he unloads inside your poor pussy. you smile with mischief. his brows furrow. his pace picks up once more, groans turning to growls while the bed shakes with the direction force from his hands. beastly man he was . "cum with me, baby. cum on this cock and i'll fill ya up. i'll get y'so full, whatever you want"

and that's was all you needed for you're poor hole to clench violently while you drip down his thighs with a broken cry out. the vines tighten then expand, crawling out onto the bed with a poof. even cuter, the flowers bloom. he relishes in seeing his girls pretty pussy make a mess on him he just needs to return the favor. feeling the subtle clenching from your orgasm, he's cumming with one last mean buck of the hips.

"fucking christ-!" his claws unsheathe into the wall, his other set of knuckles driving into the mattress next to you while he grinds slowly to dump every drop into you. his veins on his forehead nearly pop, his eyes only watching your glossy pupils zeroed on abs. so shameless you were. he pants out with his entire body breathing with him.

he settles slowly, his claws reeling back from exhaustion. your plants remain however. yet he's only settled on you. his hands begin their soothing, his thumbs caressing your cheeks while you catch your breathe. "easy now. you okay? did i hurt you at all?" your head shakes in his grasp, eyes lazily opening to meet his eyes. your poor guy, he thinks anytime those knives come out around you he'll dice you on accident.

"spooked me." you mumble, but half heartedly. the smile on your lips shows it's a joke. Logan only huffs.

"it's only hot when you loose control." you gasp, a hand playfully patting his arm clad with your leaves. he chuckles while pressing a kiss to your forehead.

his sweetest flower, back in his arms again.

🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻🪻

dt: @nervous-person @clownprinzzzz

ask for a dt ! ! ! !

[markantonys]

Was talking with a moot and they were saying how they don't feel like the show is doing a good job of explaining the lore. How right now we don't know what being the Dragon actually means, what ta'veren are, what the Dark One even is, what does he want, why does the Dragon fight him, how all of these mythologies are built into the worldbuilding in the books but aren't as clear in the show/feels disconnected. Idk I feel like the show is just introducing these things at a slower pace than the books did and that's not necessarily a bad thing

i just don't get these arguments because most of these lore points literally have been explained in the show???? do these book fans just miss it when lore is incorporated via natural dialogue or via Showing Not Telling instead of via somebody sitting us down to do an infodumping monologue for 5 minutes? i swear to god so many readers just don't pay attention to the show and then whine that it's missing stuff it did in fact include.

dragon stuff: this has been abundantly explained in both seasons, meanwhile in the books the concept of TDR wasn't even introduced until book 2. we will get more specifics at the same time rand does in upcoming seasons, just like in the books. at this early stage we don't need to know any more than "the dragon is a chosen one figure whose purpose is to fight the dark one and lead the last battle."

what the dark one is: a bad guy (duh) but otherwise left intentionally vague to build up mystery, just like the books did. we don't have the slightest conception of what TDO actually is until his first onscreen "appearance" in book SIX.

what does he want: to break the wheel and end existence. ishy's literal entire season 2 storyline was about this, and it went into way more detail than books 1-3 did. i'm not sure we got much of this stuff in the books until moridin came on the scene.

ta'veren is the only one i'd agree the show hasn't gone into much (though it DID explain the concept in 1x08), but, again, do we need to know that much about it right now? we know that our EF5 are Special, and that's enough if you ask me.

(i also wonder if the show might go a bit lighter on ta'veren than the books. idk, some of the stronger Main Character Energy stuff like plot armor and convenient coincidences and people blurting out secrets around them might come off a bit silly, and as for the stuff relating to the pattern controlling ta'veren's paths, it's interesting but it's pretty deep lore and the story doesn't really change whether or not we're explicitly aware that the events that happen to our gang are predestined. like, we'll obviously get plenty of predestination stuff with rand's dragon prophecies and min's viewings and likely the finn, so how necessary is it to also go into great detail on ta'veren predestination?)

having watched both seasons with my show-only non-fantasy-literate mom, i can attest that there is SO MUCH information for newcomers to wrap their heads around and i think her brain would have exploded if these seasons had tried to squeeze in any more than they did. she made me take down notes she could review between episodes! you should've seen her poor eyes glazing over at all the lore & worldbuilding stuff getting thrown at her in 2x05! this also goes for stuff like the whining about the show not yet using the words saidar & saidin - if they'd been throwing those around constantly since day 1, my mom would've had no fucking clue what they were talking about because she really struggles with remembering fantasy jargon, whereas consistently referring to it as "the male/female half of the source" in these early seasons is way more intuitive and way more effective at teaching her how this magic system works.

at the end of the day, the show simply is not ever going to flesh out the lore and mythology as deeply as the books do due to limitations of this different medium, and people need to accept that. it will explain as much lore as is necessary to understand the story and not much more than that, and that's absolutely fine. show-onlys are understanding the story just fine with the information the show is choosing to include, and lore nerds can knock themselves out rereading the books anytime they want.

[aintgonnatakethis]

⭐🌙🌌

⭐️ Star - Do you have a favourite character? If so, why are they your favourite?

*chanting loudly* David David David!

This guy, let me fucking tell you. He will do whatever it takes. And that phrase is often used as hyperbole, but not for him! He will do anything if it helps him reach his goal. I get annoyed at a lot of characters in popular media who are ever so caught up in their morals and how they feel about things and I want to bang their heads against the wall and tell them "Your feelings don't matter. You have a job to do."

Veering away from David for a moment to give an example of what I mean. In Star Trek: TNG, Picard has an opportunity to wipe the Borg out, but doesn't take it because it would involve killing the Borg they've captured whose personality has reasserted itself after being cut off from the collective. But that Borg's going back to the collective anyway, to an existence as a drone which I'd say is a fate worst than death. But Picard places his morals above what needs to be done, saying "Well, it may turn out that the moral thing to do was not the right thing to do." The answer is a resounding DUH, because Picard hasn't been forced into captaincy; he has put himself in a position to make these incredibly important decisions. It doesn't matter whether he can look at himself in the mirror anymore - he would have saved countless lives. All the blood the Borg spill after this point onwards is on his hands. How is that more moral? (It's the trolley problem. That's the episode.)

Okay, sorry, back to David. He's ruthless, grounded, focused, unyielding, but he also doesn't hurt people for fun. If they need to be hurt to achieve his goal, have at it, but he's not cruel or vindictive; a little petty, but just a normal human amount. I've had a lot of amazingly fun discussions with people about where David's line in - psychologically, he is fucking fascinating!

🌙 Crescent moon - Do any of your characters have to hide a part of themselves? Why?

So in my vampire series (which I should be working on but I keep getting distracted 💀) Rush hides his vampirism, going stealth because vampires are treated like dangerous predators, which I use as an allegory for gay/trans people. There's a public register vampires have to sign up to if they want to be able to use blood banks o eat. This obviously means everyone from potential employers to a neighbour down the street would have the ability to type his name into the register and bang, it would confirm him as vampire, meaning at best social ostracization, at worst…

🌌 Milky Way - What is the character development like for your characters? Do they change a lot or not much at all?

Young is on a fucking roller coaster right from the start! He's spent his life in a box, Performing the Necessary Behaviours to be seen as A Man. He's stoic, short-tempered, stubborn, emotionally unavailable, you name it. And the story revolves around him realising he can step outside of the box and still be a man. He doesn't have to be violent or a womanizer or indeed straight at all - he can be FREE.

Space related ask game

[chimielie]

puppylove

summary: Kita x F!Reader. the leaves are falling. so is he

word count: 983

cw: kita and reader are both werewolves in a werewolf town. this comes into play surprisingly little. mostly it's just light angst to fluff with a lil bit of a seasonal vibe. i recommend reading full moon town and half truths and half lies for a little worldbuilding beforehand, but it's not necessary

a/n: true to form, happy halloween a day late!!! obviously i returned with an ode to kita's hair because... duh. it looks so soft i want him </3

“Word on the street is that you’re hiding,” Osamu says from the ground. He was always the best at hide-and-go-seek, ‘cause he could climb higher than everyone else without making a noise, so you know he’s only letting you shelter among the leaves out of respect.

“Maybe,” you say bitterly. “Maybe the street needs to shut up.”

“Probably,” he grins up at you. “The street is Suna, so...”

“Definitely.”

You share a moment of warm, knowing silence, the air thick with the scent of the forest in autumn. 

“Kita is worried about you.” 

Osamu breaks the silence and you hug the tree’s trunk tighter, prodding the branch below you with one foot. 

“Kita,” you frown, “can go chase a car right into oncomin’ traffic.”

“Well, that’s,” Osamu pauses, guilt flashing in his eyes. "I always thought you kinda liked him."

You take a deep breath.

"That doesn't mean I want his grandmother telling him I'm fucking marriage material just 'cause I'm the last girl-next-door available, 'Samu. That kinda thing doesn't really make me feel like he actually has any interest, you know? I mean, the whole town is talking like it's a done deal, and he doesn't... he only... he doesn't really want me. He's just doing what he thinks he's supposed to."

“I don’t know about that, but you can, uh, take it up with him.” Osamu steps back, and you catch a whiff of some bullshit.

“Miya,” you growl, “what did you do?” He winces apologetically at you, the traitorous bastard, and dashes away, melting into the foliage. You drop from the tree, stumbling on your feet as you land.

“Whoa,” Kita Shinsuke says, putting a steadying hand on your elbow. You bat him away and shove your hands into your pockets, pressing your lips together as you take him in. There's a primal urge in you to run—you're faster than he is, you could just run and run and run forever until everything blurred around you and you didn't have to worry about all this stupid mundane stuff—but you'll have to come home eventually. That's the problem, at the end of the day. Kita is home. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," you bite your lip, glancing away from him. Embarrassingly, your face is hot, your eyes already wet, making the lie coming out of your mouth all the more obvious.

Kita steps forward, hands hovering over your arms, like he's afraid to touch you, saying your name softly.

"Don't," you choke out. "It's nothing, seriously."

"It's not," he says immediately. "Please. I'm sorry."

"What are you apologizing for?" You laugh, hiding your face in your hands. "You don't even—"

"It's 'cause of me," he says, and when you look through your fingers, his head is bowed, eyes focused on you with his signature intensity, shiny eyes mirroring yours. "I never meant to make you uncomfortable, I promise, I didn't know it was so... unwanted."

"It wasn't that, it was... It was your granny's idea, yeah?"

"Sure," he says earnestly, and you shake your head.

"Kita, I want to," you start, and he perks up, only to deflate again at your next words. "But I can't just accept the idea of being your partner 'cause your granny thinks I'd be a good head of the pack with you someday. Or because everyone else is going out and dating vampires and all that, and pack politics make you feel like you need to keep things traditional. It's not that it's unwanted, it's that it's everything I want, really. But I can't believe that you want it for the same reasons I do."

"Everythin'?" Kita echoes after you finish, and you grimace, curling your fingers in your pockets, wishing you'd chosen different, stronger words. You shrug, looking at his shoes. "Why can't you believe me?"

You look up, squinting, searching his face. "You've never shown interest before this. I thought I'd spend my whole life waiting."

"I didn't think I needed to," he shrugs. "I didn't know what love was. I can be slow. I needed it spelled out for me. But I know now, Y/N, and please don't think it's for any'a the shit you said about being traditional." Kita rarely swears, and hearing it from his mouth, watching his features scrunch momentarily as the words spill out, makes you laugh. "Shit," he says again, and you laugh harder.

You crouch slightly, looking up at him, and there's a flush over his face but his lips are turned upward, each inch of him thrown into high definition by the golden light coming through the trees. He's got threadbare sneakers on, proof he just threw on whatever he had to chase after you, and for once his carefully combed hair is a wreck, multicolored strands laying across his forehead in all directions, distressed by his fingers carding through them.

"See," Kita says, and takes one of your hands in his, rubbing it absentmindedly with both of his to warm you up. "It's 'cause of this. I just—I like your laugh." He looks away from you, equal parts embarrassed and pleased at the way your mouth drops into a small oh.

"Fine," you use your clasped hands as leverage to pull yourself up, push yourself closer to him. Words fail you—how could you summon anything more eloquent than I like your laugh—so you tilt your head, bump your nose into his, press your foreheads together. His breath is warm as he exhales evenly, and you thread a hand into the short strands on the back of his head, hold him close to you. "Let's go home, Shinsuke."

You stay close, pressed into his solid body as you walk, very nearly cheek to cheek. He stops you just before you leave the shelter of the trees, dropping his head to your shoulder, taking a deep, shuddering breath.

Someday he'll make you realize it. He is already home.

[raisinghellonstarbug]

Stumbled Into Laughter, Stumbled Into You - A James Acaster x Reader Story

Basic plot: The year is 2019, and life has been quite dull for you since working in a job that you hate for the past two years after graduating from university. You used to do stand up comedy at uni, but you’ve been putting off pursuing it due to lack of confidence and motivation. Your best mates decide to encourage you to try a comedy mic night for the first time ever and while there you incidentally run into an old mate of yours, comedian Rhys James. That’s when your life gets turned around as you end up diving into the world of the comedy circuit and becoming close with other famous British comedians. In the midst of it all, you end up meeting a particularly distinctive red headed fellow who might end up being the very thing that brings meaning to your life again.

*

A/N: Hello Acaster fans!

So this was an idea I have had in mind for the last few months and I finally finished the first chapter of my story!

Just so you know, the first chapter does not include James, but be patient as he will appear soon (but maybe not quite as soon as you hope). I do reckon it will be worth the wait for his appearance, or at least I hope the story is still enjoyable! It is a slow burn so if you are an inpatient person, then this story might not be for you ;)

You can read this chapter below or if you prefer, there is also the link to the chapter posted on Ao3 right here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/33748507

-

Rating: M

Chapter 1 word length: 2326

Characters: James Acaster (duh), Original Female Characters(s), Original Male Character(s), Rhys James, Ed Gamble, Nish Kumar, Josh Widdicombe

Relationships: James Acaster x Reader/you, Original female character/Original Male character

Story tags: Romantic comedy, domestic fluff, slow burn, fluff and smut, British comedy, eventual relationships

Tagging: @laurabeech @rilannon @jasclearwaters @marklily @queensantiagoofthe99

Chapter 1 - Summer 2019

You were sitting at your desk at your mundane job, practically ready to blow your brains out on the usual, dull Thursday afternoon. It was really warm and stuffy inside the fifteen story office block building situated in Canary Wharf. This was a place you found yourself five days a week, doing the typical 9 to 5 hours. A usual day for a usual person.

Your job wasn’t a particularly riveting one. As an underwriter for an insurance company, some days could get especially boring. You knew how to do the job well, but it was not something you really loved. It involved all kinds of clients and claims in paperwork and it sometimes felt tedious and unfulfilling. But hey, it still paid your share of rent and bills. At least you could say you could manage in the hustle and bustle of the London lifestyle.

It was nearly hometime and you were itching to get home and relax. But before that could happen, there were those last set of insurance cover forms you had to copy to get sent to the HR department. And so you typed away on your laptop, clickety clack, clickety clack… the minutes went by like a chalk on a blackboard, scraping away at a snail’s pace.

You put your full force of concentration on the documents on the screen until it was finally done. A sense of achievement was necessary in these moments despite your lack of enthusiasm. It was in the little victories you reminded yourself. You rubbed the sweat from the July heat off your forehead.

* * *

The last 2 hours eventually passed by and it was soon the rush to get out of the door before you got held up by your colleagues. They were nice enough, but sometimes they could hold you back for half an hour chatting when you just wanted to get home, or your manager might try and get you to stay an hour overtime.

Thankfully you did get out promptly, and as you ran and dashed out of the office building saying brisk goodbyes to coworkers, you managed to make it to the tube with the train just arriving on time. But not without being moderately sweaty and hot though. Bloody stuffy platforms.

As expected it was still a busy train with plenty of 5pm finishers getting themselves situated on the half crowded carriages, but as it was only 10 past, it wasn't the worst time of day for commuting yet.

You perched yourself on one of the tube’s seats and let your shoulders drop, having held the tension in your body from sitting at a desk all day. You placed your head slightly back, balancing it on the window of the train. You looked up momentarily above you and then lifted your head back up to look at your phone and choose a song to listen to on Spotify through your wireless earphones.

The streams of sound from one of your favourite songs began to play softly in your ears and you smiled, knowing that the song gave you a little bit of wistful joy. You started mouthing the words.

Call it all for nothing, but I'd rather be nothing to you. Than be a part of something, something that I didn’t do (Best to You - Blood Orange).

The words half mean something but not necessarily anything. You began to wonder about being part of something that you’re not.

I just wish I could float away from my unexciting existence… you thought to yourself.

It sometimes occurred to you that you might have wanted something more out of life, but weren’t entirely sure what. It doesn’t make you dreadfully sad, but you know that life for you hasn’t exactly been the best it could be, and that perhaps something was missing. You wish you knew what it was.

You sighed, ignoring the feeling of sorrow wash over you momentarily and propped yourself back up in the uncomfortable seat of the train. You tried to keep yourself awake so that you wouldn’t miss your stop. The music continued through your ears.

* * *

You opened the door of the three bedroom flat that you had been residing in for the last two years with your flatmates and sighed with relief that you had finally reached home. You hurried to get your handbag off your shoulder and your shoes off, placing them on the rack next to the front door and walked through the hallway.

The minute you poked your head through to the lounge, bellowing a faint hello to whoever was around, you were suddenly greeted by one of your best friends and flatmates, Grace.

“Ahh Y/n! You’re home. Thank christ!”

She grabbed you and reached her arms around to embrace you tightly. You were perplexed by this gesture as it was so random and unusual given that Grace lived with you and saw you everyday of the week. You frowned and reluctantly placed your arms around her to return the hug.

As she then let go, she looked at you with urgency in her eyes and shrieked with excitement, “Oh Y/n guess what? It looks like I’m up for a promotion! Can you believe it?”

Now processing the reason for such an embrace, you raised your eyebrows in glee and smiled proudly, gushing back to your best mate who was obviously chuffed by the matter.

“Oh wow Grace, that's fantastic! I mean, finally. It is about bloody time!”

She smiled, “Yes I guess it is. But I mustn't get too excited. I haven’t officially got the promotion yet.”

“Ah but no. I’m not having any of that. You will get that promotion. It is a guarantee. They would be idiots to not give it to you.” Grace rolled her eyes and bit her lip. She reluctantly nodded and agreed.

The smell of food distracted you momentarily from the conversation. It was a particularly appetising smell.

Grace uttered, “Yes that smell is good isn’t it? Theo insisted on cooking us a nice meal for me as a celebration.”

You smiled knowingly, having known about how Grace and Theo had been in relationship limbo ever since you three became close friends at university. You knew they both had feelings for each other but often danced around the subject, completely oblivious to one another’s obvious attraction to the other. You reckoned they had to do something about it one day.

“Thank fuck. I wasn’t prepared to make dinner tonight. I am too tired for that.”

Grace then had her worried face on. She instantly knew, as she knew you too well, but funnily enough never picked up on Theo’s emotions despite constantly wondering about them, that something was wrong.

“Are you ok babe?” she asked with a look of pity that you scornfully resented.

You sighed, half lying, “Yes. I’m fine. Just tired is all.”

You made a beeline for the couch knowing full well that you were going to talk about it whether you liked it or not. You knew that Grace would see right through your dishonesty and insist that you told her the problem.

So you waited until Grace inevitably sat next to you and gave you that sympathy look she always gave you before coming out with the concerns that were floating around your brain.

“OK fine. I know you won’t leave me alone unless I tell you.”

“Ahh, you know me so well…”

“Yes, just as you know me. I’m just- I’m fed up. Work was slow. I don’t really feel like I’m associated with my life. I feel... disconnected, I guess.”

“Do you have any idea why?”

You shrugged and looked down at the floor and then back at Grace smiling sheepishly, “I don’t know. Maybe I’m not- not fulfilled? I just don’t thoroughly enjoy my life right now.”

Grace nodded and put a hand on your leg. You twitched your face in slight discomfort. You hated it when you were given sympathy for something that seemed so miniscule. It wasn’t like you were dying.

It was times like this when you just wanted to curl up in your bed, eat a tub of ice cream and watch your favourite comedy programmes. 8 Out of 10 Cats Does Countdown sprang to mind.

As you sat in momentary silence for a bit, Theo came waltzing through from the kitchen with his silly apron on that had a naked man’s body printed on it, and a spatula in his hand. He smiled at you.

“I thought I heard your voice. I hope meatballs for dinner are good tonight. Not mine of course,” gesturing to the apron as he said it.

You shook your head at Theo’s poor dad joke and stood up to hug him. You realised that you must be really down in the dumps to be hugging Theo. It was his turn to be confused. He looked towards Grace wide eyed.

“She’s had a particularly tough day. But mind you babe, you’ve kinda been like this for weeks now.”

You let go of Theo and turned to Grace, frowning and feeling slightly defensive. You placed a hand on your hip.

“Been like what? I’ve just been a bit fed up, that's all.”

“Yes but it’s not just a bit fed up. You said so yourself you feel disconnected. We’ve been waiting for you to say it.”

You looked to Theo and he nodded gently in agreement.

“Ok… but, nothing is really wrong exactly. My life is fine.”

“Fine, yes. But not amazing. We know it’s getting you down. And the job is the problem.”

“But I’m good at it. And it pays the bills. What else am I supposed to do?”

Grace then looked away from your eyes then, twitching her lip and looking as though she was holding something back. She then sighed and began to admit something you had not been expecting.

“OK look. We know what you can do. Theo and I have figured it out. We can manage money wise. It will be tight, but if you quit your job we should be able to help you out for a little bit.”

Your eyes grew wider than large saucepans. You were totally bewildered and your mouth slightly agape.

“What? Quit my job? Why? What work would I get instead?”

“Well, maybe you won't quit your job yet. Maybe you’re right, that's too hasty. Perhaps what I’m trying to say is-”

Theo then chimed in, “-what Grace is trying to say is…”

You smirked to yourself. How do they not realise that they’re already a couple but without the sex? They’re practically married for christ sake.

“...we reckon that you need to pursue your passion. Perhaps stop wasting your talents in an office job that you hate.”

Grace continued, “yes exactly. We have had an idea in mind. See, we want you to go to this thing… it’s no biggie but well, we’ve already booked it for you.”

Your mind was racing. You couldn’t understand anything that they were saying to you. It was all too much for you to manage.

“Booked what for me? What the hell are you both going on about?”

They both looked at each other with reluctance, pondering the moment and whether to tell you the whole truth. They both shrugged and Grace was then pulling her phone out, this whole conversation beginning to appear as though they had been trying to practice it.

Suddenly Grace’s phone screen was wavering in your face. You moved your head closer to see a photo on the screen. It was a comedy club night poster. Incidentally, it was an open mic night event happening on Saturday night. You began to then put the puzzle pieces together. You folded your arms and frowned heavily.

“What the fuck have you two done now?”

Theo softly spoke, “We… booked you a slot to do that comedy open mic event thing, on Saturday night.”

“Wait. As in to perform? You can’t be serious-”

Grace tried to reassure you and grabbed your arm.

“Look, we know it might seem daunting, but we just wanted to see you happy again. It’s been two years since we graduated and you haven’t performed since then. We thought it might be good to encourage you to perform again. You were always funny to us. And people at uni thought so too. You have the stand up talent, Y/n.”

You could not process anymore. You shook your head in disbelief and placed your head in your hands, rubbing your eyes from sudden exhaustion. You then threw your hands up in exasperation. It was not possible. You could not do that again.

Fucking no way. I can’t be on stage again! It’s too scary. University pub nights are one thing but a comedy club?

You shook your head again and placed your hands on your hips. Grace tried to speak up again seeing the frustration painted across your face. In fact it was anger that your friends chose to do this without your say so.

“Y/n…”

“No. Nope. I’m not doing it. No.”

“But Y/n, we were also going to tell you that Theo is also thinking of doing the same thing! He wants to do his music again. What harm would it be for you to rejuvenate your comedy skills? Surely you can write a quick couple of gags. Nothing strenuous. You have your old material from university, right?”

You had to get out of the room. Nothing that they were saying to you could be fully accepted at that moment.

You then gave them no choice but to let you go with your head in a flurry. They both watched you leave the room, mumbling something along the lines of I’m not really hungry anymore, I’m going to bed. Soon after, you darted across the other end of the hallway, ill-tempered and almost seething, and slammed your bedroom door shut.

[bytebun]

ok i am not smart enough for this. hoping that writing directly into the tumblr post will activate the brain worm neurons

basically trying to figure out my final essay topic for philosophy of disability and justice course right. except every paper i read is convincing when i read it, and not convincing as soon as i have to argue for it myself. sheeesh. if you want a semester’s worth of knowledge condensed into a long ramble it is below.

the focus of our course is a critique of rawls’ conception of justice - which is to say, society is a contract for mutual benefit. we should be fair in our dealings with our cooperators, or we are unjust. 

in his view, the only way that inequality can be justified is if it makes those who are the worst off, better off. instead of splitting 10 pies 50/50 (5 pies per person), say that we split 20 pies 60/40. then best off gets 12 pies, worst off gets 8. although the split is uneven, since there are more pies as a result of inequal resource distribution, this is better for everyone. the inequality is justified by the benefits to the worst off group, so we say that it is fair. 

this is different from utilitarianism. utilitarianism would choose 99 pies to the best off and 1 pie to the worst off over 10 pies 50/50, even though the worst off suffers. rawls also has a clause where no human rights can be violated no matter how much it improves things. so his argument is pretty convincing.

the issue with this... if society is about mutual cooperators that are assumed to be free & equal & rational... does this mean we owe justice to disabled people, who may not be capable of cooperating (even if they want to) (yes i think there are people who cannot contribute no matter how they are accommodated yes i had to argue abt this w my engineering roommates)

obviously i’m on the side of yes duh. ok now what.

if we assign value to them based on the “other” ways they can contribute (like idk. examples given were. emotional labour. the inherent happiness their existence brings to other ppl) like... are we really going to commit to. well. (mostly distributive) justice is only owed to people if they can produce/labour in ways that have value to others?

saying ok well they r owed the bare minimum of human rights and nothing more is also. yeeeeesh.

so it seems like we have to rely on some kantian ideas (humans just like. inherently deserve to be treated well because they are. human). which is cool & fine but... how exactly does that translate into a practical framework for distributive justice right. how do we decide where to put public money i guess.

 in an ideal world every possible accommodation is made & support is provided for the care necessary for disabled ppl who need it & their caretakers. for the question of distributive justice to exist at all tho ofc the resources are limited... so what money do you put where.

utilitarianism answers this (where it benefits the most people) and so does rawls (where it benefits the worst off, which sometimes happens indirectly). just using a kantian conception of a person doesn’t give us a framework for resource distribution.

several philsopher ppl bring up the very good point that modelling humans as “free & equal & rational & mutually disinterested unless there is some benefit to cooperation” is like. not a good model. because humans are 1) inherently dependent on others throughout their life (baby + senior + like. you don’t know how to build a computer, dawg) and 2) social animals. if we were truly mutually disinterested there would be no reason to preserve resources for the next generation... also families exist.

i think this makes a fuck ton of sense.

unfortunately the reason that rawls’ argument works so well is that it doesn’t have to rely on things like goodwill or virtue or affection. (it kinda does rely on some things like, people wanting to be just & fair in their dealings with others. but like. those are more... measurable/teachable/enforceable)

so like. then what. -_- i’m not smart enough for this

*note: i’m assuming that disabled ppl should be included in distributive justice even though some ppl argue that they shouldn’t. this is cos like. i think it’s stupid if they aren’t. cuz it doesn’t make any fucking sense to be like “justice applies to some people, but not all because.... too hard to thinky” 

**(the arguments for this are a lot more coherent and have some good points but i disagree with them so hard there’s no point in thinking abt it for my final essay)

[popculturebuffet]

Quick Thoughts: Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl Reveal Trailer and Initial Roster

Whelp I didn’t expect to be doing another one of these so soon but welcome to quick thoughts where I give well quick thoughts on stuff instead of the longer form reviews I usually do. 

So as longtime or even short time readers of this blog might know I love NIck. I don’t review shows from it as often as Disney or Cartoon Network, but it was still a beloved part of my childhood and still makes great shows today such as the Loud House, Harvey Beaks and Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It’s horribly mismanaged, which is why two of those shows are no longer with us and the last of them is weirdly missing from this game, and have a long and storied history of screwing things over.. and i’m not exagerating when Mr. Enter, no matter your opinon of him now, did a whole marathon of every nicktoon almost every entry included the fact the show had been screwed over in some way. 

But as anyone who knows my history with Disney will tell you just because I don’t sugarcoat a brand I like’s fuckups dosen’t mean they aren’t near and dear to me at the same time. I”m a grown up: I can have complex emotions towards a chlidren’s tv network. So I love it’s varied shows some of whom (Avatar, Harvey beaks again, Danny Phantom, Hey Arnold) are among my all time faviorites. 

Now something readers of my blog probably WOUDLN’T know is I love Nintendo, they have their own fuckups like weird release strageies and never doing a remotely decent discount like the competition, but their still a company I love and since I only play handhelds most of the time are my primary source of good shit. So naturally Smash Bros is my faviorite franchise of theres. I love the idea of fighting games but often struggle with the combo heavy nature. So Smash Bros, having a roster of some of my faviorite characters ever, a plaformer style control scheme, and a deceptivley simple style that’s easy to learn and fun to master with the right character, is my shit. Sure I won’t rush out to buy every dlc character, but you better belivie I played the hell out of Ultimate, will likely go back to it again some day, and did buy Banjo and Kazooie because fuck yeah. 

So yeah I needed to talk about Nick making their own smash bros clone. When I heard the rumors I wasn’t sure, mostly because Rumors can be just that.. but nope this game is happening and i’m all on board for it. This isn’t Nick’s first crossover rodeo in recent memory either also making a pair of Kart Racing Games: one I KINDA wanted to play till I looked at the roster, had a good laugh and lost that i want, and the other I really want to play as it seems like the first game if it were you know an actual game with a decent track selection, a deep character roster and an actual love of it’s properties. 

So making their own Smash Bros was a logical step and one i’m here for. We haven’t had any of the big cartoon networks make one since well.. Cartoon Network, and Nick has just a deep a bench to pull from, one that will hopefully get CN to get their cast to throw hands once more. 

For now though the idea of the vast history of nick all throwing hands with each other is amazing. Look i’m honest with myself: this looks like a decent smash clone,functional but nothing specail, but with the expressive character animation and solid roster you need for a game like this. I know going in i’m not going ot get Smash Ultimate quality of brawler, but i’m probably going to have fun with it. 

The only downside I see so far is , like the Kart Racers, theyd idn’t seem to get ANY voice actors for this which smacks of laziness, especially since most of the voice actors for these characters are still active, and in some cases like Spongebob or Loud House are still working with you. So you have no real excuse for this, shame on you.

But yeah the game looks good.. despite the trailer being pretty bad. It’s just some generic music set to “LOOK WHO WE GOT”. And granted look who they got is really spiffy and i’ll be diving into that in a second, but it dosen’t give any of these characters a reall chance to show off how they play or how awesome they are. It’s just a bland montage of whose in the roster in the same 2 or 3 stages. And when you have 15 stages overall to show off that’s not excusable. Again i’m not expecting Smash level quality revelas, this game dosen’t have the marketing budget, but you have a really great concept and roster here, you coudl’ve revealed it better and this game better. The Kart Racers 2 Trailer was also mildly bland but it did show off the game better, showing off several tracks and how VASTLY improved the roster was, so you CAN make a good trailer you just didn’t. It felt like they thought the poitn of all the smash reveals trailers was here’s a character and missed all the style and substance to them. 

That being said while the trailer was weak.. it was boyed by the fact this roster is REALLY damn good. Let’s face it I woudln’t even be talking about this game if the roster wasn’t this minty but they clearly learned from Kart Racers not to half ass it and while they learned the long lessons from Smash in how to promote the fighters they have, they learned the right lessons in having a nice mix of crowd pleasing faviorites for kids and vetrans alike along with a few deep cuts for said longtime fans. And this is JUST the intitial reveal roster: Given the Box Art isn’t out yet, I feel there’s more to come, especially since despite being perfect for the game there’s no one from the Avatarverse yet, but I also feel that Nick is saving that for a second trailer to announce the release date. But I can and will go into who i’d LIKE on the roster in another one of these sometime soon. -

Spongebob, Patrick and Sandy (SpongeBob Squarepants): I’m getting these three out of the way as their essentially to this what Mario and Co were to smash: necessary and inevitible.  As for who was chosen.. it was as obvious as putting spongebob himself int he game. Sponebob is Nick’s mascot, Patrick is nearly as iconic and Sandy is well loved as well as the spongebob character most associated with buttkicking. Being an expert martial artist is both part of her character and a cerntral part of her character and relationship with Spongebob. So yeah not a lot ot say here: it was ineivible but I don’t mind at all having grown up with them and with my niece and nibling being huge fans. 

87 Leo and 87 Mikey (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles): This one i’m mixed on. Not on the turtles being here: i’m a MASSIVE TMNT fan and i’td be stupid to leave them out since Nick Owns them, made the last two series, and they fit this kind of game like a glove, even having had their OWN smash clone to themselves once. 

No my issue is obviously in the version choseN: The 87 turtles. Again I have no beef with the guys themselves, I haven’t seen much of 87 but I want to and they look really gorgeous and nicely cartoony. It’s just a REALLY weird choice. The 87 turtles have never been on a nick network due to rights issues, have never been associated with nick, and aren’t the ones most kids of EITHER DEMO would be familiar with: Grown up fans of nicktoons from the 90′s like myself would be more familiar with 2003, and kids and teens from more recent eras would be more familiar with 2012 and rise, which REALLY should’ve been the rep. I mean their weird shame of rise bothers me enough on a good day but not using EITHER show you actually made bothers me, it bothers me a lot. I’ll still probably play Mikey, i’m not made of stone and as I said I have no beef with the 87 turtles, I just wish nick had used the others or hell just gone all lin and used one turtle from each cartoon. I mean if your going to use stuff you’ve barely aired why not give me some 2003 nostalgia too huh? Though it could just be that since, unlike the rise and 2012 turrtles the 87 turtles have the same body type and colors it was easier to just do all 4 and just give each unique facial expressions. Who knows... I knows it was probably that. 

Lincoln and Lucy Loud (The Loud House, Duh): Another pretty obvious one as The Loud House is currrently nick’s co-flagship show with spongebob. Still waiting for my diffrent world spinoff with Bobby and Lori guys. So yeah Lincoln isn’t a suprise and Lucy is only minorly one as it was a matter of “which sister”... and Lucy is one of the most popular. Neither really fit a combat setting.. but given this is a fun crossover game, that really dosen’t matter and in fact is kind of the fun: taking just the most insane matcchups imaginable and mashing them together. I mean this is a game where Lincoln and Lucy can beat up Leo and Mikey, why wouldn’t I want that kind of crack on my nintendo switch? I am hoping for Luna to make her way to the stage next as she was absent from Kart Racer 2 and would be really fun to play. Plus having ANOTHER bi fighter in the mix if korra gets in there would be awesome, let alone letting the two beat up or punch each other’s face. But again I could and probably will mak ea whole article about other possible fighters i’d want. 

The Plesant Suprises: Nigel Thornberry , Oblina and Powdered Toast Man (Wild Thronberries, Ahhh! Real MOnsters1 and Ren and Stimpy) : Yeah while only one of these cartoons was a faviorite as a kid (Wild Thornberries)... I have nothing but respect for these choices. One of the funnest things about Smash is while you can see some roster members coming sometimes you get utter curveballs like Mr. Game and Watch, Pirana Plant and MInecraft Guy. They also go for more cult franchises like SNK or Earthbound (the latter of which is fucking awesome localize mother 3 already dammit) too among the big heavies, making it feel like a true tapestry of Nintendo’s history. 

Nigel is the only one of these three that’s really obvious. He’s a meme, he was the best part of his show.. but it’s still just uniquely batshit to put NIGEL THRONBERRY in a fighting game. You better belivie he’ll be one of my mains. 

Oblina is more a suprise because I thought they’d go with Icket, but instead went wtih the character who was more popular and had a really unqiue and cool design, so i’m pleased as punch to have her. Finally while I don’t have any real attachment to ren and stimply apart from Log, and really it’s hard to gain any now knowing i’ts creator was a pedophile piece of shit, the franchise is still a cornerstone of nick history, the rest oc the crew didn’t abuse power or not make deadlines or be a com plete piece of shit, and powerded toast man is genuinely great. I”d love to see Really Big Man too, clash of the weird superheroes, I love me a weird as hell superhero. This also speaks promisingly that w’ell get some real weird curveballs to come and i’m here for it. 

The Rest: Helga, Zim, Danny and Reptar. (Hey Arnold, Invader Zim, Danny Phantom and Rugrats! ): Note i’m not lumping these together because their bad: their all graet nostalgic picks from timeless shows and with the rugreboot currently running on Paramount+, it’d be weird not to represent them. 

And since I brought it up reptar is a fun chocie, another oddball but one more understandable as no one wants to beat the shit out of a toddler. Or rather no one playing the game would care you could because it’s a silly fighting game and a 12 and 8 year old are also beat upable, but someone would probably throw a fit somewhere. Plus again it’s a game where you can have danny phantom fight reptar. Shut up and take my money. 

The rest are all great choices if ones I’m not suprised by: Hey Arnold’s an all time classic and being tough is a lot of Helga’s character, and again I can have her throw hands with nigel thornberry, reptar and a ninja turtle in the same match. Zim is another fan faviorite and fits the game like a glove and Danny Phantom is the one out of Nick’s three suprehero classics it actually still cares about so my boy getting in there isn’t a shocker, though his attacks lookw eird. Hopefully they green them up before the final prduct. 

So yeah overall it looks really promsing and really fun and i’ll probably check this game out if I get enough money when it comes out or more likely put it on my christmas list. But I will get it somehow this i swear.. speaking of which put manny in the roster dammit. If you liked this.. thing consider joining my patreon for a buck a month fo exclsuvie reviews and ot help me review tuca and bertie, amphibia and more as part of my memebership drive. 

[quercus-queer]

BA’s Reckoning

Yes, I stole this title from the Sporkful podcast. You should check it out!

So just a reminder the whole thing that kicked this off was when Tammie Teclemariam tweeted the photo of Rapoport in brown face (yes its brown face its a purposeful caricature of Puerto Rican ppl, his girlfriend called him her papi in the caption as well) saying he should simply write the article on Puerto Rican food then (the issue was Illyanna Maisonet, a Puerto Rican food writer, got rejected rudely by Rapo for her pitch to write about Puerto Rican food) Which brings up the larger issue of BA being racist and not covering any other dishes besides Eurocentric ones, and the ones that aren't Eurocentric are almost always either whitewashed or done by white people which is what happened with Masionet’s article (this is where Amanda Shapiro and Meryl Rothstein come in).

This led to a zoom meeting where Rapo made a shitty apology leading Sohla El-Waylly’s instagram posts, where she condemns Rapo, talks about her 50k salary despite having 15 years of restaurant experience (She ran a fucking restaurant and 50k in NYC is pathetic), being hired to help white editors, and not being paid for ANY of her video appearances (none of the poc you see in videos have been compensated including the zoom videos). Which has led to many people at BA being exposed for being terrible (Conde Nast is the parent company and owns BA, Vogue, Architectural Digest, Allure, Glamour, Wired, Epicurious,Teen Vogue among other things... also take note how most of these have consistently been criticized for their racism or “race problems”)

ANYWAY here’s a general guide of what each BA person has done, this is in no way comprehensive, feel free to investigate on your own, always fact check and form your own opinions!

Adam Rapoport: Brown face, not paying his non-white employees for their video appearances, treating his assistant Ryan Walker-Hartshorn (a black woman) like shit (she was working overtime and was barely making rent with what he was paying her), he's sexist (see every video with Molly) and racist (mixing up Sohla and Priya Krishna and never apologizing) and more!

Check out the Business Insider piece, twitter (Tammie’s, Christina Chaey’s, and Priya’s), Sohla’s podcast and interviews, and someone made a compilation of Rapo being condescending I think

Matt Duckor: Disgusting, racist, homophobic, sexist all around terrible person, probably the most obviously terrible of the bunch (see Rick Martinez’s insta plus Duckor’s own tweets), strung along Sohla for months saying that her pay was “stuck in legal” so that she would keep appearing in videos, gave Sohla a contract when this stuff first started happening to try and shut her up, HE is the one deciding pay for everyone at BA and was the one not paying poc for video appearances.

Check out Rick’s Insta, Twitter for Duckor’s tweets (screenshots bc he deleted his account)

Carla Lalli Music: First off, ppl are pointing out she was condescending af to a lot of her guests on her show (except for the white ones). The racism at BA did not start nor stop with Adam Rapoport and guess who was editor in chief before him? Yup, Mrs. Carla Lalli Music! Necessary amendment: Carla was the food director NOT the editor in chief and she is currently an editor at large... still a powerful position though and I think the sentiment still stands. She had a pretty pathetic twitter thread about how she should’ve done more but was focused on the sexism/focusing on women, strange because she also sent that shitty email to two women along with Delany and Brad after the two of them, Delany, and Brad were talking in the kitchen, telling them not to enter the kitchen without permission (not enforced on Brad or Delany obviously, only the two women who happen to not be white) I misread the article, Brad was a part of the convo, he did NOT receive the email, and didn't respond to the articles request for comment.. he fucking works in the test kitchen, i’m an idiot and that's on me

Business insider and her twitter 

Alex Delany: I have a post with the screenshots of the confederate flag cake he made himself because he felt the “need to express some southern heritage in cake form. Such a glorious cake...” for his friend moving to South Carolina, the lovely vine with the classic “F*g is a bundle of sticks joke” also have a post discussing that, he’s wildly underqualified for DRINKS editor and overpaid, also his girlfriend is Allegra Lorenzotti whose mother Eva Lorenzotti, is in Jeffery Epstein’s black book which is concerning (though who knows maybe Delany is dating a different wealthy Allegralo), also those sexist tweets

I have screenshots from Tumblr, ppl have the vine on twitter along with the sexist tweets (he deleted his twitter and Tumblr btw)

Andy Baraghani: There are screenshots of Alyse Whitney’s (an asian woman) twitter thread saying Andy purposefully undercut her articles multiple times because of a petty feud with Antoni from Queer Eye by using his friendship with Amanda Shapiro (Whitney’s editor) to kill the story, which is shitty and brings up the bigger picture of BA being cliquey and getting in with a friend of a friend and such which is just a toxic work environment

Amanda Shapiro: Puerto Rican food article, Alyse Whitney’s articles, she’s a perpetuator of the toxic work environment, stealing Nikita Richardson’s work and getting credit and pay for it (pls check out her twitter and the articles with her), also racist, should not be in charge

Chris Morocco: Made one (1) basic post (simply a reply to Molly calling him out actually) at the beginning of all this agreeing to not be in anymore videos until his coworkers got paid/backpay, he said he was complicit (duh) but also that he had no idea this was happening, but guess what? He is the one that hired Sohla for only 50k! There is a whole can of worms about how little Sohla was hired for despite her experience plus talent along with her current pay and Chris is a part of that. Also both his gumbo video and Halo Halo recipe are downright disrespectful at BEST and they should not have had a white man doing them (again with the white people doing articles/videos that can be EASILY given to someone whose actually part of that culture) and before anyone says anything yes the gumbo was for Chris’s show (strange how only white ppl get shows or in Andy’s case unless you’re friends with a higher up) still doesn't make the video less disrespectful, also he’s SAID he is friends with Anna Wintour (head of vogue, and a racist “there’s no room for black women” the reason the vogue challenge is happening)

Brad Leone: Himbo status permanently revoked, “Brad who just found out racism is real”(Sohla said this in the Sporkful podcast) is NOT acceptable for a 35 year old white man whose coworkers are suffering in a clearly toxic work environment, the screenshot with “I didn’t sign her contract she did” is NOT how you respond to your coworker being underpaid and disrespected by the company she works at because she is not a white man. I do not like him anymore, he has made apologies but ignorance to this extent is willful and I don't completely buy it the rumors he was upset Delany was going to be fired/would quit if Delany was fired/was mad at Sohla is not something I was able to confirm but based off of what I’ve seen he really needs to prove himself to be better, he can stay if that’s what his coworkers want but he is on thin fucking ice

Stuff I can't accredit to a single person, but BA is racist: 

NIKITA RICHARDSON, pls check her out on twitter

They sent Sohla to interview black chefs (bc BA has a bad track record) because she was the darkest and there were literally NO black chefs working at BA

Making Priya only cook Indian dishes (which were kinda whitewashed) I actually think this may have been Duckor

Tokenizing the poc staff (they would make them be in the kitchen when filming the white hosts shows and push them in front of the camera to highlight nonexistent diversity)

Paying Hawa Hassan only $400 for her video (probs also Duckor)

[pigspeetsandhooflikefeets]

The hosts as fidget toys

Nate:

Nate talks like a DJ and is so lax all the time so I don't really see him as the type to stim frequently, but I went with a nice fidget spinner. I could see him getting distracted watching it while you're giving him really bad answers. Rainbow for the gays as well. His love of music and smooth jazz also makes me think potentially a simple wind-up music box that'd he'd set out to play while writing up answer responses.

Guy:

In Crusty Things, Guy mentions he desperately wishes he could actually poke the Pillsbury Doughboy because he thinks it's so damn cute, so I feel like he'd be into aggressively squeezing something. I think he'd squeeze anything to the point it'd explode if it was airy (strong grip), so I went with a slow-rise toy. Sport themed because duh.

Buzz:

I actually already hc'd Buzz as a very fidgety person who channeled it into absent-mindlessly solving Rubik's Cubes. My imagined desk for him has a 3-stack pyramid of 2 solved and 1 unsolved Rubik's Cubes. The other think they're fucking with him by messing them up, but he doesn't actually mind.

Cookie:

Cookie mentions in one question something about an oral fixation (same bitch, we're in the same boat) so obviously my first impression is chewelry. Eye design picked because it reminded me of Fibbage, and a chew necklace that looked like one of the eyeball flowers would be so cool (and completely in place for him to wear). I can't really see Cookie wearing any chewelry without tucking it into his shirt (thinking it's embarrassing or dumb) so he most likely keeps it in his pocket and takes it out when necessary.

Schmitty:

If anything, I feel like Schmitty is visually understimulated if he's entertained by jingling keys. Probably why Quiplash is so bright and bold. Have to go with the classic kaleidoscope. Bonus, the beads make little clicking noises. If it IS for the audio stim, I'd say a rainstick instead.

Bob:

Super 90's, super colourful, it's Floam. Bob feels like a very tactile person (such as getting too close to Milan during their segments) so it works. Plus the sounds Floam makes are just juvenile to appease the manchild.

[royalwhumpness]

This is just a little rant but I kinda do want people to see it... because while it may be personal, I also think a lot of people can relate to it... and I think it needs to be addressed.

Content Warning of rant: Suicide mention.

So, I've seen a lot of people I follow who are movie buffs shitting all over Marvel. It hurts because while I respect their interest, or disinterest, in Marvel, a lot of what they say is hurtful. It's not just "I don't like it because this reason" it's a lot of just shitting on it to shit on it because it may not be as theatrically meaningful or impactful as something like Pulp Fiction, The Color Purple, or The Green Mile.

Those are fine reasons, if you look for meaning in your films, that's great. Keep in mind though as you complain how Marvel is meaningless and unoriginal, and that it's stupid and you'll never be caught dead in the theater seeing a Marvel movie, that Marvel may just be keeping some of us alive.

I like the MCU because it's like comic books but in movie form. I know that sounds like, "well duh" but no... I mean it in the sense of the feeling that you'd get waiting for the next issue, or the next book to come out, that's what it's like for me. Book 1 had these characters, Book 2 had these other characters, oh shit, book 5 introduced book 1's and book 2's characters!! What's gonna happen now!?? And now, the fucking Multiverse just broke in the MCU and that's crazy! Of course I wanna see what happens next!

But the point of this post was that Marvel is literally one aspect of this stupid fucking ugly world that actually keeps me from killing myself, and I don't say that lightly. It's a small light, a small beam of happiness for me to see where it goes. I sometimes repeat to myself that I can't go yet because I need to see the next movie, or the next show and see what happens.

When people shit on it, I just think "wow, they have no idea that this thing that they're making me feel shit for liking, is literally helping keep me alive."

And that's the overall message of this post. Please think before you speak or write something for all to witness. Just because you may not like it, which you have every right not to, doesn't mean shitting all over it doesn't affect other people. It doesn't mean that that thing isn't keeping someone alive. Someone hating something you like never feels good, but when that thing is keeping you alive, it feels even worse.

I don't mean you can't have opinions on it, obviously. But posts like "Sorry for adding marvel characters in this quiz" or "I hate all the fucking marvel posts on this website" or "anyone who watches marvel unfollow you uncultured swine" that shit. Is that necessary? You are not above me for not liking it. I am not above you for using it to stay alive. We are equals and should treat each other with respect.

Just... yeah... just respect each other's interest... you never know what is keeping someone from taking their own life.

[aflyingcontradiction]

The Magnus Archives Relisten: Episode 117 - Testament

But Tim isn’t going to sit home and wait, and Elias seems pretty insistent I go along. Part of me thinks it’s just so he can see if whatever this “preparation” he’s been trying to do on me works. - Jon

I guess, yeah, that's part of it and the other part is that he wants to make absolutely sure Jon gets touched by as many powers as he possibly can and sending him right into the lion's den is a good way of doing that, I suppose.

I don’t quite get those two. I suppose what they’ve done, seeing what they’ve seen… it’s a hell of a bond. The sort of thing I’ve mostly done alone.

Ouch. That is a painful realisation right there! (The usual disclaimer of "I'm obviously not talking about the scale of cosmic horror here because duh or for that matter even the scale of massive trauma" but I actually think that realisation is on some level relatable because of the realisation I had multiple times in my life of "I don't really know what a close bond feels like because I've never actually been anywhere close to the best friend of the people I've considered my best friends." Fortunately my luck has shifted somewhat in the "close emotional bonds" department, or at least I hope I'm not kidding myself about that, but the realisation that some people have these fire-forged, ride-or-die relationships and you're just kinda doing your own thing, dipping a finger shallowly into human connection every once in a while and then watching it flow away, is a bit of a twinge.)

And… aside from some, uh, uh, office gossip which I, I’m not sure is necessary or, uh, conducive to a workplace that… hey, it, it, it’s natural it’s, it’s normal.

I love how Jon just goes from deep emotional turmoil to being a bit upset that people are gossipping about whatever may be going on in his love life. Talk about emotional roller coasters!

Oh, yeah, I found something on the other body the circus stole, this “George Icarus.” (...) Jurgen Leitner. I just can’t be rid of him.

Ah, okay, this is where we learn who George Icarus was. Also, the pseudonym is very fitting, I mean, Leitner did, in fact, fly too close to the goddamn sun and subsequently crash and burn when he decided to create a library of fear books, didn't he?

He always said, if you don’t like something, you accept it and you adapt, or you fight and you change it. Whining doesn’t help. I always tried to live like that. But I think sometimes you feel like you’re adapting, but it’s just denial. - Basira

This is definitely something I've experienced myself but it's also definitely something I've seen in some people who like to go on like Basira's dad about stiff-upper-lip-don't-whine-adapt-and-overcome to other people and shame others for expressing their emotional pain. When the cracks finally do start showing up (usually under the influence of alcohol), it's not so much a crack as a full-on explosion.

But at least Daisy’s coming. I mean, I know she’s… difficult. Everything they say about her, it’s true, it’s fair. But, she’s solid. She’s a… a fixed point, and if she’s there, I know exactly where I stand, exactly what I’m doing, relative to her.

It's tragic but also on some level a little bit heartwarming that Basira never actually stops doing things relative to Daisy, even when it takes everything out of her, even when Daisy starts destroying herself.

Still stuck, still miserable, still angry. New traumas, but they hurt just like the old ones. Elias thinks he’s got this ingenious way to hurt people, but it’s just the same old and a creepy new package. Arsehole. God, I just want to rip his – When did I start to lose the parts of me that weren’t just anger? - Melanie

I always have a soft spot for the angry ones, the ones who have to forcibly stop themselves from punching people in the teeth, who have to put every last shred of willpower into keeping a lid on the boiling, hissing, steaming pot that is their inner life. The ones whose willpower sometimes fails them and then they do end up hurting people or themselves because of their anger. And not to go all REPRESENTATION here, but I'm actually glad to see that in TMA that character archetype is basically all women, because the people exploding in violent anger or having to try so fucking hard to keep it in and occasionally failing are usually guys.

They did manifest, but they weren’t what I thought they’d be. They were fused, somehow, all mixed together, a huge angry mass of dead flesh and guns.

I'm kind of glad this isn't a fully-fledged statement because I feel like that sentence, that image, is really all I need and anything further would actually weaken rather than strengthen the horror.

Good luck, Jon. I do hope you win. But I also hope it hurts.

Damn, this episode is so good at summarising characters in a line or two, isn't it?

I, I’m scared, I guess. – no, wait. No, no, I mean, ah, I don’t want that to be my last message, the thing that defines me. “Martin Blackwood, he was always scared, then he died. The end.” I don’t want that. - Martin

I'm a very anxious person and this is INSANELY relatable, this fear that all that's going to be left of you is the things you didn't do because you were terrified. ... Martin, stop making me tear up by being too damn relatable!

I need them to be safe, I need him to be okay.

Aw, Martin!

I mean, it’s not like I’m going to be safe, like my plan’s not dangerous, but it’s, it’s mine. This last couple of years, I’ve always been running, always hiding, caught in someone else’s trap, but, but now it’s my trap, and, well, I think it’ll work. I know, I know it’s not exactly intricate, but it felt good leaving my own little web.

a) This thought process makes perfect sense. Sometimes you just need to express your goddamn agency, even if it's dangerous and even if it's bound to hurt and b) I know the podcast immediately lampshades the "web" thing, but WEB!MARTIN THOUGH! I MEAN! THINK ABOUT IT! That would've been such an amazing plot point and they had it all set up. I mean, he's got a lot of good Lonely-related shit going on later, too, but ... why not both? I do enjoy it when the powers squabble over a character!

I used to blame my brother for going off his own and poking around where he wasn’t wanted. I used to blame myself for not helping him. But now… now it doesn’t matter. I’ve read through enough of these things to know that this doesn’t matter. The only thing you need to have your life destroyed by this stuff is just bad luck. Talk to the wrong person, take the wrong train, open the wrong door, and that’s it! - Tim

I think Tim's view of this is actually very close to the way that TMA handles this. The Entities don't eat you because you deserve it. They just happen to happen to someone. And that makes the horror work so much better than if that wasn't the case. (It also feels closer to how LIFE actually works a lot of the time.) So I find it somewhat odd to see when people do read desert into it, I feel like that weakens the storytelling.

Honestly, I hope that Jon learned something from her because, because I don’t expect I’m going to be coming back from this. I don’t know if I want to. And if he needs to pull the trigger, to use me to stop it… well, he’d better have the guts to do it.

Well. Fuck!

Gerard’s page… Gerry. I-I know there’s more he could tell me – he he, wouldn’t of, of course, I, I know that but he, he… he would still be there, th-that, that knowledge, i-it would, it would still exist…(...) …y-you owe me one, Gerry. Rest in … Just rest. - Jon

Damn, seeing Jon struggle against the instinct to keep knowledge available to himself, seeing how much it literally hurts him and seeing him WIN is sure something. Also ... "Rest in ... just rest." ... make me cry, why don't you?

My impression of this episode

This is not so much horror as it is concentrated emotion and I adore it. I nearly teared up a few times on my relisten (I think I wasn't in quite the right headspace during my first time). The gut punch quotes come thick in this one. This may actually be my favourite plot development episode (as opposed to favourite statements that don't relate directly to the overall plot). The writing is just. so. good.

[requiemforthestars]

I know the feminism on this website has hit rock bottom but posts about so called "universal female experiences" are a) neither really about universal experiences nor b) neither a terf thing at all really (sure, they can be transphobic but are they always? Every single one of those posts? Let's be real). Yes, it's true that all those experiences aren't truly universal, or even just experiences that happen to women exclusively but that's because it's hard to find literally anything that applies to everyone within a given group or that it applies only to people within that group! Literally impossible! True universals don't really exist.

"Universal" here is a short hand, it's a way to talk about general patterns, in this case of general patterns of misogyny that many women experience, something that is necessary as, you know, misogyny is a bad thing, dare I even say an axis of oppression, that needs to be pointed out and all that. If no woman can ever make a post about "this happens to me!" because that's immediately seen as suspicious, then that's not because of any fault with what she said, it's because the environment she's saying it in is extremely anti-feminist, as are most progressive spaces currently because any whiff of feminism is immediately seen as transphobic/racist (let's ignore trans women and women of color who are also talking about this thing happening to them!) or, worse, as misandry (misandry DOESN'T EXIST, men, as a whole, AREN'T AN OPPRESSED CLASS, they're an OPPRESSOR CLASS, of WOMEN, that's basic! Yes, there's men, many men, who belong to oppressed groups, duh, that still doesn't change the way patriarchy works, and how men are the oppressor class of women, ALL women. One can be oppressed and oppressor at the same time, that's the entire point of intersectionality!!!!). While it's important to talk about racism and transphobia within feminism, obviously, that's not done by just assuming that every single feminist-like post is so. Like, come on. You could also make the point that a post that describes any other kind of bigotry also isn't universal, but we don't. There's people who only do that with feminism.

And you know what? Even if a post is very clearly not universal, even if it's very specific to being a specific kind of woman in a specific situation? The woman in question still has every right to talk about it! Every right! If a post is something like "remember as a teenage girl how [extremely fucked up thing that's seen as normal]" and other women comment and agree and talk about the misogyny of the situation then that's still valuable for these specific women to talk and gain insight about the misogyny they experienced, even if their experiences are not universal or even exclusive to women! It's still misogyny and still worth talking about. Period.

[maldito-arbol]

I got a lot to say about Heart. First of all turns out I was right with my first guess. You did break Heart in so many ways, you broke them themselves, you broke my heart, you broke like everybody in the chapter heart at one point or another(some people multiple times), and you broke heart in the sense of Anne being the heart of the group. Hearts dynamic with everyone is interesting as well. Let’s start off with Anne, the fact that, dispite everything they’ve done that makes it seem otherwise, no matter how detached or apathetic they may have seemed, Heart still did genuinely care about Anne, they still genuinely did not want to see her hurt or even worse, dead. When tho they were arguing, had different opinions/goals and Anne had just out loud called Heart a curse, Heart still was trying their absolute best to make sure Anne stays out of harms way. Meanwhile Anne obviously still hates Heart with a burning passion (rightfully so) but Heart does care about her. Which is nice. Also the fact that they say that is Anne had even just tried to talk to Heart about the past they would have told her is also very interesting especially considering how violently against it both Wit and Strength are

I was talking the title over w Kasey (bc yknow I tell them literally everything) and I was considering something like “A Heart of Cold” for a minute there but the more I thought about it, the more I came to realize that keeping it short and sweet as “Heart” would allow it to mean so many more different things. First and foremost it is about Heart themself and the break in their devotion to Andrias, but it’s also about Anne, the heart of the group, and it’s about the hearts of those who love her breaking in pieces after she’s come so far only to fall so swiftly. I’m not gonna be okay the next time I talk about the Plantars because that’s gonna have to be a section of chap 1 of CMTO someone save me.

I meant it when I said Heart is EXTREMELY possessive, and, as messed up as it is, this DOES turn into a certain extent of care for their vessel because they can’t bear to lose what’s theirs. There’s a reason that while Heart gave Anne the two options of “be what I want you to be and stay with me” OR “lose your mind and body to me”, they were VERY pushy on the first one. Because that’s what they really want. They can go on and on about missing Andrias but if a return to him does not come packaged with keeping their current vessel, forget about it. Heart wants them all.

Anne has every right to hate Heart after all the SHIT they put her through oh my god. Which is why it makes you wanna punch Andrias even more when he blames Anne for not looking into the gems’ past. Like DUH, OF COURSE SHE DIDNT WANT TO TALK TO THEM, AND ITS NOT HER FAULT FOR NOT GOING TO THEM AFTER THEYD GIVEN ZERO INDICATION OF GIVING A SHIT ABOUT HER WANTS AND WELL-BEING. I know I’m the author but it makes me SO ANGRY the way Andrias looks at Anne in this chapter. All because He “””Understands””” Heart while she doesn’t. No, Andrias, I think you’re just a fucking lunatic. And there’s a reason you’re Heart’s only friend too.

Yeah I am once again confirming Heart would definitely have told Anne about the past if, in some hypothetical scenario in which they weren’t a jerk, she went and asked. Wit and Strength both hate talking about the past for reasons we will get into later (although some of them are very obvious now), but Heart is mostly an open book. If there’s one thing I can tell you about Heart, it’s that they HATE lying and will not do it unless absolutely necessary. Misleading and manipulating are fine, but they draw the line at outright lying LMAO (sound familiar??)

[caroleyre]

for when you forget / self para

Carol,

I did win (not thanks to this memory loss bullshit). You’ll remember relatively soon. It doesn’t normally take longer than a couple of days, maybe three. But, in the meantime, this is your essentials rubric. Try to enjoy things. I’d ask fewer questions if I were in your shoes (no, I would obviously not).

This is happening because of an arena injury (duh).  Minute 08:12 if you want to see it on tape.  Yes, it happened within the first moments of the arena. The person pushing you is Maize. You kill her later. She wasn’t even that awful, but she did leave us this permanent gift.

No, killing is not overrated, but it wasn’t easy either. For all sorts of reasons.

Sit down for this. Rio was in there with you. Now, do the math yourself. Yes, you did. No, it wasn’t. Better not unpack it right now, but that fancy bronze jar on the nightstand? We call it an urn. Inside is Rio (sorry, there is really no better way to say it). Lock your room. It’s stolen from the Odairs (you’re really not in a great position with them right now, so maybe don’t try to contact one? And, if you see one, avoid it and leave it for me. Leave it for later.)

Don’t let anything they’re saying get to you. Don’t be so phased (it is necessary that you prove them wrong). You might want to know that you killed President Battenberg’s niece, too. Don’t even regret it. She was a big bitch. Still, it might come up and give you some extra headache.

You’re allowed to do whatever the fuck you want (boring). If further questions cross your mind, go to Ashton Declan. I guess we trust him. Questions you’ve asked before are on the back (so we wouldn’t be a loop of annoyance to him, right?).

No, I did not develop a double personality. It’s just a confusing letter to write.

Carol

Questions asked after:

What arena? Las Vegas, 127. It’s some sort of gamble heaven casino city surrounded by desert. Awful weather conditions. Very trap-oriented (that could have been fun, if not for everything else happening). Barely four days.

What is my role within the Tower? I asked for trainer. You can do that even without remembering the details.

Mom and dad? They’re fine. Not too crazy about dear Carol being a ruthless killer on live television. Well, I also did have sex on live television, but I’m sure that’s not the real problem. You do not need them.

Relationship with the Odairs? Don’t act too shocked to learn they hate you. You did not only kill Rio, but you also stole his remains. It’s fine. They were supposed to be yours all along. They sued you. Nothing about any trials yet, but it will go down. I hired a pretty good lawyer, don’t think about it.

An eleven for the skill presentation. Yes. (Rio, a ten)

I cannot believe this pathetic question you asked Ashton Declan out loud. I broke up with Rio in 118. We were not dating and definitely not married. We weren’t nothing, either. I don’t feel like writing about it, so wonder for a little. It doesn’t change anything, and don’t think to ask other people. How would they know? Only I know. And I’m not writing it down here like in some sort of stupid diary.

No, you don’t have another boyfriend. Please don’t think it’s a good idea to hit on Ashton Declan again, either.

Just maybe don’t talk to so many people. I don’t want to have to fix any possible accidental bullshit situation.

The Victor’s house is fine. You have pictures of it on your phone. (Don’t call him. It’s out of service, and also what was I expecting?)

The cut on the leg is Gamemaker inflicted. You walked through really sharp and big glass shards.

Four’s tributes are Eurydice and Thetis Atlantica. Yes, Sirena’s sisters. It turns out, your initial opinion is correct. They mostly suck (at least Eurydice).

You have a decent relationship with Sirena. Not too friendly. I’m not fun these days, sorry.

[bisexual-horror-fan]

"From Back Then To Now." Amber Cottrell X GN! Reader.

Hey! So someone asked if I would ever consider doing an Amber one-shot and I thought it over and figured hell yeah why the fuck not? Now this one isn't super dirty but I love it, think it is really fun and if people like it I would totally do more! Also after the updated version of TMOMD I felt in the mood to write her again. I hope you all enjoy it! Let's get into it! (Also this is a TMOMD AU where Freddy is actually into the idea of sharing Amber.)

---

Rating. NSFW. Length. 3.7K. Amber Cottrell X GN! Reader. Warnings. Drinking. Making out. Teasing. Grinding. Hair Pulling. Fondling. Dirty Talk. Tease And Denial. Pining. Mentions Of Dom/Sub Dynamics And Free Use Kink. Nothing Crazy. Amber Being A Bisexual Icon Like Usual.

---

You weren't even sure if you wanted to go out tonight. It's not like you didn't enjoy the party scene in college, you just weren't sure if this was the kind of party you'd even like. Your friend was rushing a sorority and they were the type who had DREAMT of getting into one forever, they were also a classic overachiever. So they decided recon was necessary to be ready for the sorority they actually wanted to rush, which led to tonight, your friend insisting on dragging you to a different college campus then the one you both attended, one where they knew some people, to go do a practice run at a different sorority mixer. You thought it was very unneeded and frankly ridiculous but it was a Friday night and you had no prior plans meaning you had no real reason to turn your friend down.

You still got a little bit dressed up and figured that if you did this they would owe you a favor and you could at least try to have a bit of fun in the process. Free food and drinks, music and meeting some new people, couldn’t be all bad, could it?

One thing you hadn’t thought of was the fact your friend was going to be far too busy doing her research to actually hang out with you and ditched you basically immediately. After being on your own for over an hour you had managed to track your friend down again, “There you are!”

Your friend turned to look at you and immediately just had the most apologetic look on, a weak smile as they said, “Hey! Sorry for running off! I just got so caught up-” You were a little less than impressed, arms crossed as you said, “Uh-huh, I am so sure.”

And then your friend pouted, “Don’t be mad at me!” And you shrugged your shoulders, “I’m not mad, I’m just a little bothered you INSISTED I come, dragged me along to a party where I don’t know anyone.”

“Awe isn’t half the fun of college meeting new people! Meet someone new, live a little.” Your friend was looking around and you were worried they were about to bail again already but instead their smile widened and they waved calling out, “Rach! Rachel! C’mere!”

Then some woman, Rachel you presumed came over, a smile and small wave, “Hey what’s up?” Your friend put a hand on her arm as he said, “So good to see you again, this here is my friend-” A gesture to you as she shared your name and then said, “-I was a totally tactless fool and dragged them to this party where they don’t know anyone, mind doing me a favor and introducing them to someone fun?”

“Duh of course I can do that.” Rachel said, turning to you and you looked at your friend, “Alright, fine but you aren’t off the hook yet, we are talking about this later-”

“You’re the best, bye!” So your friend was off and you were left alone with Rachel, she was scanning the crowd, considering her options with a hum and then a smile broke out on her face, “Oh here we go. Come with me.”

You followed her, seemed like the best option for you and she took you over to the other side of the room and Rachel called out, “Amber!” Then she turned her head and you saw her for the first time. Wild curly red hair and blue eyes and freckles, pink glossy lips pulled up in a smile as she greeted her enthusiastically, “Hey Rach! What’s up?”

“I’m afraid I have a party guest who doesn’t know anyone here and was hoping you could show them a good time.”

The red-head’s gaze turned to you and she looked you up and down, smiled a bit brighter and you took the moment to take her in as well. She was fucking cute first off, one of the best dressed people here, made you feel undressed with her make up, the cute and tight blue dress she had on, the tall heels her sported that matched her obviously carefully chosen accessories. She had a glass of something delicious looking in her manicured grasp, and her speaking pulled you out of looking her over so intensely, “Well sure I’d love to!”

And Rachel was saying “Fantastic, bless you Amber.” and she was off and you were now left alone with apparently, Amber. “So you obviously know my name now but you are?”

You told her your name and she repeated it, she brought her glass up and took a sip, after she swallowed she repeated your name once again like she was truly trying to commit it to memory. It was endearing, she seemed like the kind of person you would want to remember your name. She asked, “So you came alone?”

“No uh I came with a friend.” She cocked her head at that, “And they abandoned you? Terrible for them but great for me I suppose. Let’s have a good time.”

She was certainly in a good mood, it was a bit infectious, she looked at the red solo cup you were holding and she pointed to it as she asked, “First off. What are you drinking?”

You looked into the cup and said, “Uhm bud light lime I think-” She made this disgusted sound. “Ugh! Which frat bro gave you that swill? Was it Todd? I bet it was Todd, not like you’d know who Todd is but whatever-” She reached out and took the cup from you and set it on a nearby table, “- point is, no more of that.”

You let out a small laugh and said, “What am I supposed to drink then?”

“Something actually good. Come on.” She took your hand with hers that wasn’t currently holding her glass and started to lead you away. “Where are we going?”

You were looking at your joined hands, hers felt so soft, she responded to you with a look to you over her shoulder, “To get you something worth drinking.”

She was looking for someone and found them in a few minutes and soon you were meeting her friend, Colby. You were in the kitchen and Amber was sitting up on the counter, you beside her as she told you, “Colby here is minoring in mixology and can make you something delectable. No one at this party can make you a better cocktail I guarantee it.”

“What do you like?” He asked and you weren’t sure how to respond, “Fuck, put me on the spot, I am not sure what to say.”

“So do you trust us to pick something for you?” Amber was looking at you with that smile and you could only say, “Yeah, sure. I trust you.”

She turned her attention to Colby and asked, “Thoughts?” He hummed and looked up to the ceiling before a snap of his fingers and pointed to her, “How about your drink?”

“Fucking shit are you trying to embarrass me? I just met them but yeah sure.” She rolled her eyes and you asked, “Her drink?”

Colby turned to the kitchen island and started work at it and said, “I had this exam where we had to come up with an original cocktail and make it in class for everyone to try and Amber stayed up with me way too late to help me out with it. I ended up passing with flying colors and have her to thank so it’s her drink.”

You let out this little shocked laugh at that, “Look at you in college and you already have a drink named after you. Aren’t you going places.” You teased and she nudged you with her shoulder as she said it, “Oh teasing me already? You’re getting comfortable! I like it.”

You decided at that moment that you liked her. The drink was presented to you shortly thereafter and it was unfairly good.

The time you had was also unfairly good. Turns out Amber knew basically everyone, she had so many people come up to her, talking to her, waves and hugs, little jokes but she didn’t linger on them, she kept you involved in the conversation and introducing you to people but mostly keeping her attention on you. She made you feel heard and listened to. She was funny, she asked you questions about yourself and told you some things about herself too.

There was this moment when you and her were in the living room and this song came on and she perked right up and she grabbed your hand and pulled you to her saying, ”I love this one! Dance with me?”

And what were you just going to say no to her? Having her in that tight dress up against you because of how many people were on the makeshift dance floor, the way her hips swung and her lips moved along with the words, you got a bit lost in it and several songs later you were being led upstairs by her with a wide smile.

She pulled you into this dark bedroom and you asked, “What are we doing?” She walked across the room and opened the sliding door and held her hand out, gesturing to the balcony strung up with lights, “Cooling down and getting away from the crowd for a bit.”

So you sat out on the balcony, and could still hear the music pouring out from the open windows on the lower level. She was leaning against the railing and looking up at the night sky and you were sitting on this chair and just looking at her. She caught you staring and glanced at you, a soft smile as she asked, “Are you having a good time?”

You gave a nod and said, “Yeah. I’ve been having a lot of fun.” She took a sip of her drink and said, “Good.”

“So are you in this sorority?” You asked and she scoffed and laughed and turned to face you, “No way! A lot of my friends are and the parties are fun. My program can be stressful and I like to unwind on the weekends.”

“Oh what is your program?” You asked and she took the seat across from you and crossed her legs, the hem of her dress rode up and more of those long legs were exposed to you, eyes lingered a moment longer than they should have, you wondered how high those freckles went before looking up to her face and she was smirking.

She caught you looking but let it go as she said, “Has to do with math, business and finance. All terribly interesting to you I am sure.”

She took another sip as you said, “I mean it isn’t really my thing but you like it?” She nodded, “I like the career options it offers me and I am good at it.”

You appreciated her honesty and said, “Fair enough.”

The conversation continued and she asked about your major and other things about you and you both ended up scooting your chairs closer together, she took off her heels and rested her feet on your lap which led you to asking, “How tall are those anyway?”

She looked down at them, “Oh about four and a half inches.” You almost choked on your drink and pulled the glass away, “Four and a half inches?!”

She walked and strutted and danced in them like they were nothing, she shrugged, “They aren’t even my tallest ones.” She said it so easily and you were very impressed.

“How tall are you then?” She finished her drink and set the glass down, she brought her feet off your lap and stood up in front of you, “Five foot two inches.”

You couldn’t help your laugh, “Oh God you are so cute. No wonder you wear those, how could anyone take you seriously otherwise?”

She looked at you, cock of one of her brows and she took the glass from your hand and set it aside, her hands came down and hiked the hem of her dress up just a little which made your own brows raise and she came forward. She sat on your lap, straddling you, her thighs on either side of your hips and you were taken aback by her boldness. Her arms hung loosely around you, hands behind your neck and she was leaning in close, her chest against yours, lips an inch away from yours as she asked, “Can you take me seriously like this?”

You could take her anywhere, anytime, any way like this. You breathed against her mouth, “Yes.”

Her only response was to lean in that bit extra and kiss you and she tasted like strawberry lipgloss and hints of citrus and vanilla from those drinks she had tonight. She pulled away far too soon and asked, “This is okay, right?”

You nodded, “More than okay.” and that was all that she needed to hear she kissed you again and took the lead, you followed, returning her affection, kissing her back. You were kind of in disbelief she had been flirting with you all night, lingering touches and looks, jokes and innuendo laced in what she said but you didn’t think she was serious. She just seemed like that kind of person, still it was hard to believe it. She seemed like the kind of girl who could have anyone she wanted at this party but she picked you.

You had her in your lap and she was kissing you, nipping at your bottom lip and her tongue invading your mouth and she let out this sweet little sigh, a soft moan and she pulled away to say, “Put your hands on me.”

So your hands went to her hips immediately and you felt the soft silky material of her dress and you squeezed, her hips stirred and she leaned back, she ground on you, her head fell back exposing the long column of her throat and her hair fell in the most inviting way. You gripped tighter and ground back onto her and she bit her bottom lip and you got this crazy urge and just went with it, your hands moved. One slid up her back and into her hair and pulled her back down to you to kiss her and your other hand slid down to grab her ass and she moaned into your mouth and you wanted to make her do that again and again. Her hands were still on the back of your neck and it just kept going.

It kept escalating, hands getting a bit bolder, kisses getting hotter and messier and she was breathing so hard and you were kissing her neck and about to finally slide your hand between her legs and up her dress when she was all of a sudden gone. She slipped out of your lap and got up, she looked flushed, hair a little messy from your hands being in it, her lipgloss was a mess and you were panting, looking up at her, wondering what she was doing when she said with this warm smile, “That was a lot of fun.”

What?

You were confused, she reached down and picked your drink up, she downed the rest of it and set the glass back down and you asked, “Was?”

She gave a confident nod, “Was. You’re a good time, thanks for a memorable Friday night. I got some stuff to do tomorrow so I gotta go.”

Her hand met your cheek and you were staring into those blue eyes and she said, “Enjoy the rest of the party. I introduced you to enough people that you should have fun.”

She pressed another kiss to your lips and it was way too short, she pulled away and you tried to follow, she booped your nose and stood up straight, “See you round.” She said it so lightly with this little wink and you melted a bit.

She picked up her heels and slid the door into the bedroom back open, a look at you again over her shoulder with a small wave and with a flip of her long red hair she was gone.

You were fucking stunned to be honest. It was going so well. You wondered if you did something wrong? You sat there, legs feeling a little weak and also still feeling absurdly turned on. When you regained enough of your composure you trekked back downstairs and came across Colby.

“Hey! You need another drink?” he asked and you nodded as you followed him to the kitchen.

“Something wrong?” He said it and you realized you hadn’t said anything the entire time he made your drink and you took the glass and you explained what happened. That you and Amber hung out all night and had a really great time, a good connection and even started to hook up but then she left really abruptly, you felt you did something wrong and that is when he started laughing.

“What’s so funny?” You asked and he said with a comforting hand on your shoulder, “Sorry to be the one to tell you this but this is Amber’s trademark.”

“Huh?” You asked and he elaborated. Amber had a reputation as being a tease. She was fun, well liked, friends with many but whenever she was at a party she would end up finding someone she clicked with and an intense make-out would happen mid-way through of which she would leave for the night. “But why?”

“No one is sure. Just a thing she does. Up to her tho if making out is as far as she wants to go, more power to her. Everyone around here knows what they are getting into with her, sorry you weren’t informed though. Nothing against you, it’s just how she is.”

Your friend found you again shortly afterwards and you both left, you never went back to that campus, didn’t get any of her information and so you never saw Amber again. Your friend listened to you vent and took you to a sympathy brunch the next day as a thank you for coming and as a sorry for what happened. Your friend did get into her sorority by the way.

You would still think of her sometimes throughout the years. Other people came and went but you still sometimes lingered on that party on a Friday night where the flirty red-head straddles your lap and takes your breath away when her mouth meets yours.

It was years later. You had been graduated and working for years. A close friend wanted to meet at this bar to get a drink and get caught up, it wa a Friday night again and you went up the bar to order a drink, you waited for the bartender and heard this light humming that got your attention and you looked down the length of the bar and your breath caught.

It couldn’t be.

Long curly red hair, blue eyes, freckles, a tight dress, a leather jacket, obscenely tall heels, manicured nails, and scarlet painted lips it had to be, it just had to so you slid down the bar with her name falling off your tongue, “Amber?”

She looked up from her phone to you and she thought for a moment, looking you over like she was really thinking about it before the wash of recognition hit and she said, “Wait, wait, I know you-” she hummed and then snapped her fingers and pointed at you as she said your name and you nodded. “Yeah it’s me!”

You were honestly shocked she remembered you and told her as such. “I try to never forget a face but especially not a name. And if memory serves, we had a really good time.”

She remembered you. Thought fondly of you and it made you smile wider. “That good time was cut a little too short in my opinion.”

She turned on her bar stool, looking you over, leaning on one hand under her chin as she asked, “Oh yeah? You think so?”

You leaned in closer, a confident nod and she said, “Maybe we should do something about that.”

Your friend ended up flaking but you did not fucking care. You talked, got caught up on what happened after college and flirted shamelessly and it ended up going the same way. You and her in the bathroom of this bar and in one of stalls, another furious make out, she was even better than you remembered, she tasted delicious, she seemed more fit, was somehow even more confident and aggressive sexually. Her back was to to the wall of the stall and your hand was almost up her dress when she stopped you, “Wait!” You stopped, confused and she said, “Not me. You can’t do me.”

You were again, confused, this kept happening around her. “Why not?”

She looked a little more serious and said, “I’m spoken for.” She was wearing this odd necklace, you noticed earlier, it was this silver bladed glove and she was playing with the charm of that necklace.

“He and I have an agreement. I am allowed to hook up with other people and uhm ‘service’ them but they can’t do me. Only he can.” She said it a bit shyly, you hadn’t seen her like that, you liked it, she was normally so confident, you wondered who it was that made her act that way, the power they held over her to make her of all people stumble over her words when thinking of them. “He likes the idea of me offering myself up and letting other people ‘use’ me to get off. I like that idea too. It’s fun.”

Did that son of a bitch know how lucky he was?

“Is that okay with you? Because I would love to get on my knees for you.” She asked with a cock of her head and you couldn’t believe it. You have Amber, this hot and sweet little thing that has been on your mind for years wanting you and so you asked that burning question, “What can you do?”

She smiled. “Anything you want.”

Oh this Friday night was going to beat out that last one for sure.