#and like we share 1 braincell

[jinnies-lamps]

me and my guy best friend talked on phone for like 1 hour and he told me im the BRAIN of group.. which is true.

[crystalrabbit246912]

First-Year Camping Trip

Over Spring Break or like, a four-day weekend, the first-years decide to head out on a camping trip!

(I know that all of the first-years other than Ortho were at Camp Vargas 1, but we all know how that went and there were other people and no Ortho. This is just the first-years.)

So they get their permission (Ace and Deuce ask Trey, Jack doesn't need to really, because Leona and Ruggie are in charge there for some reason, Epel asks Rook, Idia would say yes to anything Ortho asked if he was persistent enough, Sebek would ask Lilia, and Yuu's in charge of themselves and Grim at Ramshackle) and head out via the Dark Mirror.

It took them a lot of arguing to pick their location and Yuu asked Jade because they were the only one willing to do so, for some advice, since he's camped out before on weekends for his club activities, and it took them entirely too long (like a whole week of afternoons full of arguments at Ramshackle), but eventually they decided on somewhere similar to Camp Vargas, which meant a forest with a lake nearby, but thankfully no mine with Overblot Phantoms inside.

So they find a nice clearing to set up their tents, which they borrowed off Coach Vargas by saying they were going to train while they were camping, and the arrangements are as follows: Jack with Epel and Sebek with Ortho, because the largest people need to be with the smallest, or else they would take up one tent individually, Ace and Deuce because Ace was lazy and decided that sharing with Deuce would be worth not having to put up his own tent, though he definitely provided commentary while watching him, and Yuu and Grim because they were the only ones left and also Yuu was the only one willing to put up with Grim's snoring.

Now, onto the shennanigans!

They brought food, like sausages to grill over their campfire, which Epel is especially enthused by, and supplies for s'mores, but Jack decided to do some fishing and Epel wanted to join in because fishing is a manly activity, apparently.

So they got some fish and Yuu, because they have to be capable of cooking if they're surviving in Ramshackle with Grim, who absolutely cannot cook, and the ghosts, who don't have physical forms, and Jack, maybe Epel if he was taught to in Harveston, cook it somehow, in a simple way, because none of them are that good that cooking, (also I don't know much about cooking, if you couldn't tell) and they want to relax.

Jack and Sebek somehow get into some kind of physical competition, like a push-up competition or tree/cliff climbing, or a race, and the others have no clue how it happened, so they're watching the two of the only members of the group with actual, functioning braincells doing crazy things. Epel and Deuce's eyes are sparkling at the 'manliness' while Ortho is inputting the data he's acquiring into his database while Yuu and Ace just stare in shock.

Ace and Deuce's tent collapse on them multiple times, but it's always put back up haphazardly. On the final day, it collapsed on them in their sleep, but they stay asleep and the others think that they've already woken up and collapsed their tent, so they're the last to wake up.

Vil and Rook forced Epel to bring his skincare stuff and makeup, but he utterly disregards their instructions for him to use it aside from the bug spray, so he just has a giant extra bag full of the stuff they gave him sitting in his tent that he refuses to touch. (He's in for a large scolding once he gets back)

Ace and Deuce also get into the kind of trouble that you'd normally only see on a comedy show or anime and the others have to bail them out of it, like they somehow anger a bear, fall into the lake and get stuck in the mud, trip and roll down a mountain into a pile of animal dung, etc.

Grim demands food and attention every time he speaks, which happens rather a lot, while Yuu just stands there like a tired parents, sometimes fulfilling his demands while other times smacking him on the nose with a stick that they picked up of the ground and kept on them for behavioral purposes.

Epel and Deuce ask Sebek to teach them how to mock-sword fight with sticks and he agrees while calling them humans and pretending like he doesn't care about them and at some time during the trip, the two clear an arena and duel while the others gather around them and shout tips, encouragement, or make fun of them (namely Ace and Grim for the last one)

Ortho charges via a solar powered charging port that he brought that he leaves out over the day and figured out how to charge while laying down in his sleeping bag so that he can feel like he's sleeping in a sleeping bag like everyone else.

Yuu finally gets a break from being the school's unofficial therapist, although they do have to break up fights between Ace and Deuce every so often and watch over Grim like the overworked parent they are, so that's good.

The freshmen end up a lot closer due to this trip, and whenever they bring up something that happened during it while their upperclassmen are around, they get immensely confused because context is greatly needed for every single incident mentioned. (Like Ace and/or Deuce getting teased for their comedy show incidents when Riddle's approaching them to scold them, Jack and Sebek arguing over who won their fitness contest right as Lilia/Silver/Ruggie drops by to pick one of the two up, everyone as a whole talking about how cool the sword fight was as any of the upperclassmen approach them, etc.)

Yuu also kept the stick that they kept hitting Grim with to discipline him and keep doing that.

[skamenglishsubs]

Subtext and Culture, Young Royals, Season 3, Episode 3

Episode 3 picks up the day after the camping trip, and Wilhelm calls his mom to check on her. She dumps a massive guilt trip on him, maybe unintentionally, and Wilhelm is feeling a little bit down.

Culture: These are Swedish studentmössor. They originated in the 1800's among Nordic university students and they wore them as a common marker. Later, they were adopted as graduation caps for high school students, signifying that they were now allowed to begin studying at a university.

Culture: Valborg, April 30th, is a traditional Swedish holiday where you celebrate the coming of spring with bonfires. It is also the start of graduation season for high school students, and graduates are allowed to start wearing their caps.

Cinematography: This season they started writing most on-screen social media commentary in English, despite those users being pretty obviously Swedish. I suspect it's because it saves them having to subtitle all of them, it makes it a bit easier for all the viewers to follow along.

Subtext: No, keeping up appearances is more important than mental health for the royal family, which is why this is new behaviour that Wilhelm has never seen before.

Subtext: As a reminder of the increased interest, here's a paparazzi intruding on school grounds. Also, where the hell is Malin? Isn't it her job to shoo away photographers?

Culture: Vintern Rasat is a classic Swedish song celebrating spring that's often performed by student singers at Valborg.

Subtext: Boris cleverly offers August individual therapy, something he sorely needs.

Subtext: It's of course a bit ironic that pretty much the entire fandom hates August and has decided that he can't be forgiven or redeemed. Yes, you, dear reader. But Boris lays out a way for August to start his redemption arc. Will it work? Tune in for next week's episode!

Culture: These usernames reek of white supremacy. Norse mythology references are very popular, and 88 means H*il H*tler, so that's the kind of people we're dealing with. The show is also foreshadowing what's gonna happen at the end of the episode.

Blink and you miss it: Linda made Pabellón, a Venezuelan dish. In season 1 we didn't know where Linda was from, but in season 2 she was canonically made as being from Venezuela, just like Omar is in real life.

Subtext: I think August actually cares, Kristina is family to him too, but Wilhelm refuses to treat him as family, so he lies about how she's doing. Not very convincingly, though.

Cinematography: This is an absolutely hilarious shot with a bunch of students anxiously peering out through the windows as the dreaded enemy arrives: Skolinspektionen! Dun-dun-dun!

Blink and you miss it: There's a rainbow flag on the board to the left.

Subtext: Vanessa totally knew she interrupted a makeout session between our boys. Oh, and there's a lot of purple in these two scenes, colour theory exploded with joy.

Subtext: Simon will be proven wrong, someone will be honest.

Subtext: It's also ironic that Simon joins the rest of the Forest Ridge boys pretending to have a great meal together that is totally not stiff and awkward at all, absolutely not.

Lost in translation: Simon Walter says that May 1st is a "röd dag" - a red day, which is how Sundays and public holidays are usually marked in a Swedish calendar. "Bank holiday" is the term used in the UK for public holidays. There are 13 public holidays in Sweden each year.

Culture: Första Maj is the name of the International Workers' Day in Sweden, because it always occurs on May 1st. In defence of Henry and Walter's shared braincell, most Swedes actually don't participate, but it's a bit weird to not even know what it is.

Subtext: This entire sequence shows how Felice's dad tried to stick up for himself, but quickly learned to keep his head down instead and conform and roll with it. And it wasn't just the other students who were racists, the staff was in on it too. This goes for all the shit the students are doing, the partying, the booze, the alcohol, the bullying: The staff is in on it. They know. They're complicit.

And despite all of this, Poppe's immediate answer when asked how his time at Hillerska was, is that it was the best time of his life. This is why schools like this stay the way they are, why they never change, because they're very good and very bad at the same time. Trauma-bonding works, the kids will all get friends for life, they'll forget the shit and remember the good times. They'll become like him.

But when Felice learns what the school did to her dad, she decides to help shut it down, to stop the cycle of abuse. The reason she goes in alone is because she now knows she can't trust her dad, he's gonna defend the school, and she also doesn't want him to know that she snitched.

Subtext: In official surveys, students from schools like this generally rate them very highly. Student satisfaction is very high. Maybe they're lying, maybe they're delusional, but they sure care more about their schools than public school students.

Blink and you miss it: REAL SUBTLE THERE, SHOW.

Subtext: Keeping with the school theme, this is how students defend the shit that goes on. Outsiders are kept in the dark, you don't tell them anything, because they "wouldn't understand", they're missing the "full context", etc. Oh, I don't know shit about fashion, but Fredrika's jacket smells very expensive.

Blink and you miss it: While Wilhelm pinned a polaroid of himself and Simon prominently on his wall, August keeps a similar polaroid of himself and Sara hidden.

Subtext: Micke's redemption arc is in full swing, so why not play a song that reinforces the idea that people can change?

Subtext: August's redemption arc is in full swing, so let's cut to him nervously waiting outside Micke's place for Sara to come home, while the same song is playing. Is he gonna be a villain forever?

Blink and you miss it: Micke introduces himself as Micke af Eriksson when August introduces himself as August Horn af Årnäs. The English subtitles for some weird reason went with "Micke Eriksson of Bjärstad", but that's actually not what he says.

Subtext: Sara is pretty realistic about her expectations of her dad because she's seen this before, but this also applies to her expectations of August, because she knows that he can also slide back into his normal shitty self. Also, she's wearing a purple sweater.

Subtext: In case you forgot, August's dad also struggled with addiction, and died from it, so he and Sara actually has that in common. Maybe there's hope for this redemption arc thing?

Cinematography: I don't fucking know why they included this baking scene. It serves no purpose, and I suspect quite a few people in the production have a serious hand fetish, because what is this? What is this? Also, why are Simon and Wilhelm joining what appears to be a Manor House thing with the rest of the girls? How? Why? This makes no sense! It's very cute, though!

Subtext: Oh ok, we got a social media pic that Sara could see and feel bad for her lost friendships. But man, those Hillerska aprons! On point!

Subtext: This is unfortunately a very common thing for people on any kind of psychoactive medication. How can you tell if you need medication if you feel good right now? Is it lasting or temporary? Can you trust your own brain? Either way, fantastic conversation between Micke and Sara, which starts her on her journey to reconcile with Felice at least.

🎵 I can change, I'm not the same, not forever. 🎵

Culture: The official hat-on-putting ceremony where all the third-year students put on their hats, set to another traditional Swedish spring celebration song: Vårvindar Friska.

Culture: It's Valborg, so Hillerska has their own little bonfire. We saw some students with torches pretending to light it, but it's actually floating in the middle of the fountain so, uh, how did they do that? Normally, your local bonfire or Majbrasa is just a huge heap of wood that you set on fire.

Cinematography: Man, this is a pretty show. Look at that shot. The fire, the sunset, the pool reflection. The end of April is over a month after the spring equinox, so the days are getting longer, and the sun now sets at about half past nine in the evenings.

Subtext: Ok, let's do one more on-the-nose lyrics thing for when August sees Sara back at school. Yes, yes, he needs her.

Culture: I had to post about it immediately after watching the episode, because setting a sex scene to Uti Vår Hage is hilarious. Everyone in Sweden knows it, most people have sung it at school, it's a cute little song about enjoying your garden, flowers, and giving your loved one a wreath of flowers. I can now never hear this song without thinking about this scene. Thanks a lot, show.

Blink and you miss it: Simon fucks Wilhelm. Yay! Versatile supremacy!

Subtext: Sara is still so suspicious of her dad's behaviour, she can't make herself trust that his current good period will last.

Subtext: Even though this dialogue is about how Simon and Sara are so different, it of course also applies to how Wilhelm and Erik were different, because Wilhelm struggles with not being able to handle his duty the same way Erik could.

Culture: Alright, it's time for the actual local Första Maj event in Bjärstad. The town is probably a bit small to have a proper demonstration parade, but there's people with banners and socialist slogans, and a bunch of local organisations have joined in, including Bjärstad BK, the football club Rosh plays in.

Culture: Meanwhile, the absolutely not socialist rich kids at Hillerska are nursing their hangovers and enjoying the day off, and they're doing some yoga and playing some padel instead. As you do.

Subtext: Drugs. He looks like he's selling drugs.

Culture: These apparently confused a bunch of viewers, but they're just raffle tickets. It's one hundred numbered, rolled up, paper tickets stuck on a metal ring. When you buy a ticket you just tear it off at the perforation, and when all tickets are sold you can just break the seal on the ring and pour all the stubs in a bag or whatever so you can draw winners.

Blink and you miss it: Cute kiddo has a pride pin on his jacket.

Lost in translation: The show waited a bit with showing what it says on the banner behind them in the photo, but if you can read Swedish you immediately saw that it says KROSSA ÖVERKLASSEN - CRUSH THE UPPER CLASSES. Oh no, Simon, what have you done?

Blink and you miss it: Like a pack of rabid wolves, the social-media starved Gen Z kids rush to their phones for an hour of glorious feeding on Instagram and TikTok.

Blink and you miss it: I love Vincent so much, he's terrible, but he's just so much fun! The little fist he makes as he says "kampen" just seals it.

Subtext: The show still hasn't revealed the banner text to the non-Swedish audience, but Wilhelm immediately sees it and knows how bad it is and why Farima tried calling him seven times. Also, Vincent is just on a roll here.

Cinematography: Man, this is a pretty show. Look at that shot. Look at how they perfectly aligned the hole in the window with Simon, the police car, and the entrance to their house, as he discovers that someone decided to vandalize it.

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

req'd by @shadow-of-a-dream

so long as the actual blunt stays away while you're driving you're fine

text: The people in this car share 1 braincell and we pass it around like a blunt

[hana-no-seiiki]

Yan himbo by definition is also dense so Yan Himbo x Dense Reader is just a duo that shares the same 1 braincell

tw/cw: yandere, manipulation, abusive/toxic behavior. unedited word vomit. dubcon leaning a bit to noncon.

Y E S. The whole concept was based off of a BL Novel I once read where the entire plot was the ML being too dense to realize that jerking off his buddy and wanting to monopolize him aint so cishet behavior.

Himbo is a tactical genius when it comes to manipulating reader and he doesn’t fucken realize it. He’s going by pure instinct to possess reader for himself. Pushing boundaries of their’s cause he knows they’re close enough that they wont mind. Erasing lines cause “they’re friends and should always be open and supportive towards one another.” Getting mad and whiny in the rare times they attempt to refuse so that you’ll feel bad for not letting him get what he wants.

Poor Dense! Reader never really had their thoughts and opinions respected, and so they aren’t used to being entertained much in that aspect. They’re the no thoughts as long you’re happy type of person. And since Yan! Himbo is their closest and only friend they can only grin and take it when he drags them to the locker rooms for some fun times. They’re more afraid of him leaving them than of their privacy being invaded.

Dense! Reader had a crush on himbo for so fucken long but with the lack of experience they’re just 🙂 at everything. So you can’t really blame Himbo for not noticing when Dense! Reader doesn’t know this is stuff couples do, and therefore can’t truly show how happy they are.

At this point the two of them have rings and signed a contract where the two of them can never be apart, but they still think of the other as bros.

“What’s more bro-like than getting promise rings ! Haha, we should all totally move in together next. What’s wrong with our current arrangement? Duh We sleep in different bunks. True bros sleep beside each-other all the time. We can help one another with that problem much easier this way!”

[cxffecoupx]

all i want for christmas

boo seungkwan + christmas music blasting at all times wc: 697 warnings: seungkwan being absolutely intolerable with his singing (not necessarily a warning tho), made in a rush, not proofread author's notes: i wrote it this morning pls forgive me if it's not good i tried my best😭 i still hope you like it (even just a lil) winter wonderland masterlist

it all started the day after halloween.

[november 1]

you wake up to the radio playing in the living room.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas Everywhere you go Take a look at the five and ten, it's glistening once again With candy canes and silver lanes that glow....

sleep still looms in your head, but the sunlight streaming in through the windows, the pots and spoons rattling from the kitchen and the loud song playing all quickly drive away any remainders of slumber. you sigh and get up dejectedly.

stumbling into the kitchen, you see a very joyful seungkwan dancing around in the kitchen, hands moving animatedly as he sings along with the song. you'd have turned off that loud thing minutes ago if it weren't for him singing, so you reduce the volume and wait for him to notice. his head whips towards you.

"yn! you're up!" he beams.

"halloween was just yesterday; the dead are still lurking around, and you're playing christmas songs?"

"it's all for getting into the spirit of the holidays, babe. that's why i'm playing 'its beginning to look a lot like christmas'; it's not christmas yet, but we're getting there."

you'd want to fight, but then you realise you two share the same braincell because why else does his logic start to make sense to you?

so you just stay there, at your makeshift dining table (that's also your workspace), watching him belting out notes that could honestly rival mariah carey while making pancakes that ended up being too salty.

[november 23]

you've now reached the stage where seungkwan speaks with christmas songs.

you're driving to seungcheol's house for jihoon's birthday party, and you realise your mistake halfway: seungkwan has the aux cord and this is the eighth christmas song playing.

What a bright time, it's the right time To rock the night away Jingle bell time is a swell time To go glidin' in a one horse sleigh...

"kwannie... can we please play a normal pop song now? i will actually lose my mind if i hear one more bell jingling," you tell him.

he lets out a dramatic sigh. "what sin must i have done in my past life, to deserve such betrayal?"

you roll your eyes, but can't help letting out chuckle.

"i dedicate this next and final song to my partner that does not appreciate the holidays with me."

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart But the very next day, you gave it away This year, to save me from tears I'll give it to someone special.

seungkwan starts singing in a way that would make anyone think he's going through his fourth divorce. but you know better; you know all his dramatics that only make you scoff in amuse when the first thing he utters after meeting his friends (while they were discussing his christmas movie list) is:

"my partner doesn't love me like i thought they do guys. i'm in love with someone who doesn't appreciate my flair."

[december 6]

the gradual decline of music in your house ever since that last conversation suddenly became suffocating when you noticed it. you meant it as a joke; he knew it was a joke; and yet, no matter how annoying you found it, you noticed how the approaching christmas didn't feel like it without your boyfriend competing against the original artists of the songs.

so when you see him shuffling around the house with a pout on his face while 'normal' music plays, you discreetly try to change the song.

I don't want a lot for Christmas There is just one thing I need...

seungkwan pops his head out of the room like a toddler who heard candy packets opening. he keeps watching as you attempt to sing the song, voice cracking and scratching more often than not. when the song reaches the chorus, you look to him, and he reacts like a deer caught in the headlights. you point towards him and gesture him to come closer, holding your hand out in a fist to mimic a mic and urging him to sing.

"i thought you hated christmas songs..." he mumbles.

"this is december, baby. it's officially christmas season," you scream over the music. he gives a shy smile.

"besides, i don't want a lot for christmas, other than watching you sing," you say and give him a little smooch on the lips.

he blushes for a moment before holding the mic (your hand) and singing at the top of his voice.

...Santa, won't you bring me the one I really need? Won't you please bring my baby to me?

all is well in the world again, you think.

as seungkwan eases into his element, all you can do is admire from afar. you might not be the biggest fan of christmas (not when seungkwan exists), but Santa gave you an early x'mas present, and you're forever grateful for it.

prompt by @novelbear divider by @adornedwithlight

[cinnamonest]

the incel scara post activated my single braincell..

Just imagine his mom just got married to yae miko and reader is now his step-sister, this girl isn’t even an overly nice bubbly girl he can hate on for getting on his nerves, she just keeps to herself and only talks to him when his game gets too loud or his side of their shared room gets too dirty.

“Can you pick up that potato chip bag from the floor? It’s been there for a week…”

“Shut up… cant you see im in the middle of the game?!”

Even though he yells at her to mind her own business he cant help but overtime becoming fond of her (the only female his age he sees more than 1 hour every day) He probably jacks off while shes in their room too pretending to be asleep so she doesn’t notice, he even gaslights her into sleeping with him since “its okay we are not even related”

He probably develops a sister complex too, even though he sleeps with her, he cant stand his sister even being in a 3 meter radius of another guy. (Yes only after he started sleeping with reader he considers her his sister) It bothers him so much that he started choosing reader’s wardrobe, and checking her phone so she doesn’t end up like other girls. It has become his life mission his pretty and quiet little sister stays like this, pure and only touched by him.

Meanwhile Ei just thinks reader is just such a good influence on him since scara is not screaming at his pc at midnight for once in his lifetime

Im sorry I just love the idea of scara having a sister complex 😭

For your information he is Grandmaster ranked in league of legends and he is not about to let YOU interfere with that with your dumb cleaning requests 😤😤😤 he’s busy. Just do it yourself, it’s not like you have anything important to do, unlike himself who has skills to be honing.

He takes his crippling addiction to online games very VERY seriously and God help you if you do anything to mess with him regarding that. One time you were mad at him for not listening to you because he was in the middle of a ranked game, so you huffed, stomped out of the room, and immediately went to unplug the router… you get a few seconds of silence before the predictable, but nonetheless frightening, yelling of your name and storming footsteps headed straight for your direction. You start to regret your choice a little bit as you’re chased around your own home, squealing and stumbling until inevitably tackled and dragged back to his room. No one else is home either, so no reason to hold back…

[dilatorywriting]

Monster Mayhem: Donkeys & Dragons [PART 4]

Gender Neutral Reader x Malleus Draconia Word Count: 6.7k

Summary: 'Never tickle a sleeping dragon.'

🌶️Obligatory Warning for Some Descriptions of Violence & Mild Suggestive Content

[PART 1] [PART 2] [PART 3] [PART 4] [EPILOGUE]

As detestable as they were, at the very least your assailants were well organized.

You were plopped neatly at the center of the room, in a very conspicuous location that would have made it difficult for a hypothetical someone to, say, just flat-out torch everything in sight without also catching his very tiny, mortal, companion up in said firestorm.

The group of them split off to tend to their tasks with a frankly shocking level of competence and foresight. Was this how adventurers were actually supposed to work? They didn’t just—I don’t know—saunter into an abandoned castle on a whim and a prayer, with no real end goal in sight and nothing but the perpetual bounding of a singular, shared, braincell to keep them on their toes? There was a plan? What was this madness.

“How much time do you think we have?” one of them called, busy working to set up some sort of wire trap that, in your humble ‘I have faced this legendary dragon and survived’ opinion, looked like it would do exactly diddly squat.

“Enough,�� the Elf Wizard shrugged, thin arms crossed tight across his equally gaunt chest. “These vermin don’t have the same concept of time as we do. It may return soon, but we may also be waiting hours.”

Hours? Hours? You fought the urge to groan. And then remembered it hardly mattered if you did or not, because you were still trapped in a bubble of perpetual Silence, and that just made you want to groan louder.

Assumed-Rogue nodded tersely in response and continued constructing his pseudo-trap. The long, red, stripes of his sleeves were odd things—very in-your-face bold for a dude whose job you assumed it was to slip through shadows unseen. But then you noticed that the threads he was spinning were pooling from those slashes of crimson, and alright, that was fairly cool. ‘Your failure of a stealthy design gets a pass this time, good sir.��

“You’re certain this is one of the Briar Beasts, Lord Flamm?” Armored Lady piped in, busy shifting through the various swords strapped at her hip.

“Of course,” he hummed, flicking through his spell tome. “Have I ever led you astray before?”

Armored Dude snorted from his place across the room. “You’re not the issue. I just have trouble believing one of those monsters would still be alive at all after all this time.”

‘Lord Flamm’ snorted. “And why not? They’re like cockroaches—thriving through the worst of the world and gorging themselves on its corruption. This one is no different.”

Your brows twitched irritably.

Thankfully, Silence was not an indefinite spell. And after about ten minutes of muzzled misery, you felt its sticky, gauzy, gunk wash itself out of your throat.  

“I’m getting the impression that you’re really not a fan of dragons,” you said, testing your volume.

Lord Flamm stared down at you with a hawk-eyed sort of sneer. His pale, green, glare felt like a tangible thing crawling along your skin.

“They are unnatural,” he huffed after a moment. “No creature should walk the planes of this world for such a great span of time. Immortality is a perverse transgression against the sanctities of life and existence.”

“You are literally an Elf,” you replied, incredulous. His face scrunched up like you’d forced a whole lemon into his mouth, and then he dropped another dome of Silence over your head.

Another ten minutes crawled by, and words returned to your tongue.

“Don’t you think you’re being a bit hypocritical?” you hummed, casually testing the arcane restraints binding your limbs. Those seemed to hold themselves in place with a great deal more fortitude than his on-again-off-again Mute Button, which was as frustrating as it was respectable.

“It’s not nearly the same. I was born into my burden,” he sniffed.

You blinked, confused. “I mean, so was Tsunotarou.”

Elf Wizard made a punched-out sort of noise, like you’d decked him right in the spleen.

“You named the beast?” he gawked. “Like a pet?”

“Look, man,” you grouched, offended on your scaly friend’s behalf. “If anyone’s the pet here, it’s me!”

Lord Flamm’s face went white, to red, and then nearly puce.

“Wait,” you spluttered. “That came out wrong—”

And then you were gagged once more.

The next time your muzzle was lifted, Lord Flamm was already pacing along the little, invisible, edge of the spell’s cage. You cleared your throat and he came to a stop a few feet away from where you were bound.

“I can see what’s happened here,” he said, stern, and you arched a brow in disbelief. You didn’t even have any solid idea what the fuck was going on, and you’d been living it for the past few weeks. He cleared his throat and glowered down at you. “You’ve been taken in by the monster’s wiles.”

You spluttered. “Not to just keep repeating myself, but really, if anyone did the ‘accidental seducing’ thing here, it was—”

He waved you off with a puckered grimace. “That hardly matters. At the end of the day, you are still the creature’s prisoner, and it is my duty as a man of integrity to assist you however I can.”

You frowned. Because while this whole thing had technically started as a hostage situation, it hadn’t really felt like one lately. Sure, Tsunotarou still threw tantrums that shook the foundation when you’d tried to put up a makeshift bathroom door, but he also listened to all your stories with the rapt attention of someone genuinely invested in the garbage pouring out of your mouth. He tucked you into your big mattress nest at night with his scaly nose, and endured all your griping with nothing but good humor. He showed you his treasures and told you terrible, dry, jokes that you were sure you only found so funny because he certainly hadn’t meant to be.

You sighed and dipped your head, expression shuttered.

Lord Flamm stepped forward and you felt a thin, gloved, finger tuck itself beneath your chin to tilt you back up to face him.

“I will save you,” he promised, something genuinely sturdy and righteous coating the words. “If you ask it of me.”

You took a deep breath in through your nose.

“There once a man from Trebucket,” you chirped, letting the jaunty tavern melody roll off your tongue like any good Bard ought to.

Lord Flamm arched a thin brow, in equal parts amusement and exasperation.

“Who really only wanted to find the dragon so he could fuck it—”

His face twisted in rage, and to the surprise of literally no one, you were Silenced yet again. Though this one felt the most like a victory so far.

And thus, the cycle repeated itself. Every quarter hour or so, the spell would drop and you’d start babbling some sacrilegious, borderline pornographic, nonsense that had him cursing you all over again. You counted each round of mockery softly in your head. Half to keep time, half to—

Your gaze trailed past the intricate, stone, entryway and caught. Perched atop the overhang were two gargoyles. Which was quite odd, seeing as you’d spent half a month living out of this room now and had never noticed them before (and you certainly would have, what with your host’s propensity for pointing out the gothic carvings each and every time one popped up in the castle’s architecture). Not to mention, they looked an awful lot like the pair of grey monsters which had been guarding the entrance when you’d first slunk in—the very duo that you’d sworn had tracked you and your friends with beady, gemstone, eyes and dug their pointed talons through solid rock.   

Ancient buildings always seemed to have a life about them—never quiet, never still. Always settling with strange noises and shifting shadows that danced oddly along surfaces that were forever decaying. And this castle was no different. So it took you really listening, really closing your eyes tight and straining your ears against the perpetual white noise, to make out the low grinding of the Gargoyles as they shifted atop their perch and curled their sharp claws.

You tilted your head at them, curious, and the one on the left seemed to bristle. As much as stone could bristle. The one on the right very softly dipped its chin, almost like a bow. Its purple, glass, eyes flashed in the lowlight.

‘Wait,’ that look said.

And so you did, sitting straighter and at proper attention.

The group of Dragon Slayers was still milling about making preparations. Eventually, one of the two yet-unclassified hench people slunk from the room, and when your gaze slipped back to the gargoyles, the one on the right was gone.

You made eye contact with the remaining carving, and it curled its lip at you like a grumbly hound.

There was a scream from beyond the threshold, and then a great clattering of noise not unlike an earthquake, or the resonating crunch of a building crumbling at its base.

Immediately weapons were drawn, shoulders hunched in panic. Defensive magic swirled through the air like ink in water.  

“What’s going on?!—”

With a shrieking roar, the remaining gargoyle lurched forward and collided with one of the armored attackers. The impact was like a crack of thunder, and it rattled around your skull like a gong.

And with that—dragon or no—the battle against the Hunters had officially begun.

With a panicked squawk, you began worming your still very bound self out of the dead center of this tornado of chaos. You flopped across the floor like a particularly determined caterpillar, or someone trussed up a in a sleeping bag with no limbs. You made it almost a solid twenty feet before you were scooped up by the back of your collar and dropped onto your knees.  

“Not so fast, you little cretin.”

And then there was a curved knife at your throat and a set of hands trapping your own. You gulped and the blade bobbed against your chin. Stupid rogues with their stupid stealth. You grit your teeth and clenched your fists, willing the meager scraps of magic that twirled in your veins to bob to the surface. You could feel the trace rumblings of a Thunderwave reverberating down your limbs, and it was certainly no Fireball, or Lightning Bolt, but maybe it would be enough to—

There was a spray of red, red, red and the Striped Rogue at your back collapsed in a puddle of gore.

Standing over the corpse of the felled assassin was a boy. Or, well, something that very much looked like a young boy. Or, not young. Just… It was strange. He was small, slight, with a cheerful youthfulness to him. But the mirthful expression lighting his crimson eyes chilled your bones like the seeping cold from a long-forgotten tomb. It was like looking at someone with dozens—hundreds—of faces. A kaleidoscope of lifetimes. It was disorientating.

“Hello, you,” the little demon cooed. He reached out to tap a clawed finger against your forehead and the arcane binds holding your limbs shattered on impact. “Let’s get you out of here, hmm?”

Something tugged at your brain as you gaped at that mess of choppy, black-and-pink, hair, and the glittering irises that matched the blood splattered across his cheeks almost too horribly well.

“Are you… Lilia?” you asked, dazed.

“Well done, little human,” he trilled, lips curling in delight as he hauled you back to your feet. “But there will be time for proper introductions later. Let’s get you somewhere safe first, before my silly ward really does tear this whole castle down.”

“Tsunotarou is here?” you frowned, anxious. “But these people are here to kill him.”

“We’ve done our best to keep him away for as long as possible,” Lilia hummed. “But I doubt he has much more patience for skulking about in the shadows. He never did,” He sighed, long and world weary. “And I loved this old haunt so much too. I hope it survives.”

“You—” you gawked. “You’re talking about the castle?!”

“Of course,” Lilia smiled, perfectly sweet. “Swatting these pests is going to cause more damage than they’re worth to begin with—”

You were yanked out of the path of an encroaching blade, and Lilia sidestepped the pair of you smoothly to safety.

“You’re not going anywhere!” the Paladin thundered, hand whipping out to leash a whirl of vibrating, bright, magic around Lilia’s wrists. “This fight is mine! And you will have no other!”

“Ah,” your savior sighed, looking down at the faint, yellow, glow circling his skin. “Now that is a doozy.”

The great sword came down with a crash, and Lilia ducked away from the destruction with ease. He gave you a light tap on the shoulder, pushing you forward, and you felt the flush of a Haste spell nibbling at your limbs.

“Go on ahead,” he said, with all the nonchalant politeness of someone lamenting that they were going to be late for afternoon tea. “I’ll be with you in a moment.”

BOOM went the now glowing sword as it sliced through the air where your savior had been standing not a moment before.

“Do not take me so lightly, wretch,” the Paladin spat, and Lilia’s civil little smile twisted into something that sent shivers racing down your spine.

“If you insist,” he beamed, with a level of enthusiasm that was bordering on sociopathic.

You didn’t stay to see the fallout. Lilia’s orders to flee aside, you knew well enough what a cat looked like before it pounced—that smug, animalistic, satisfaction that came after deciding that it was going to play with its meal for as long as it liked. And the grinding, snapping, howling noises coming from their direction was enough to reinforce that looking back would be a very terrible idea indeed.

You’d only just made it past the threshold and out in the grand hall beyond when there came a whining groan that sounded familiarly enough like the protesting noises the banister would make whenever Tsunotarou dropped too much of his weight on top of it. You peered back into the room, and from the darkness at its rear emerged a long, thin, snout.

The Great, Ebony, Dragon slithered forth from the blackness like a snake through the grass. The sharp drag of his claws against the stone was earsplitting, and when he spread his wings behind him, he seemed to cast the entire cavern into shadow. Faster than you could blink, one, two, three of the Slayers were scooped up by those massive, pointed, teeth and tossed through the air—wherein the pair of gargoyles descended upon them like a set of well-trained attack dogs. Your dragon swiveled to spit black smoke across the rest of the echoing room and its occupants. Between the swirling smog seeping from his throat and the blackness of his wings, the brilliant, green, glow of his eyes were the only source of light in the gloom. It was all horribly eerie, but mesmerizing in a way that reminded you exactly why so many ballads and epics had been written about the terrible might of Dragons.

He reared his head back and roared. His bellowing seemed to shake the very foundation of the castle, and the sparks jumping from behind his canines bit through the smoke with harsh little pop-pop-pops. And man oh man, he reallymust have been taking it easy on you and your duo of idiots, because this would have had the three of you shitting your pants on the spot.

From there, the battle more or less became a one-sided massacre. The stone soldiers flew through the air, decimating the opponents as their master demanded. Occasionally there was a flash of pink, and then a cheerful laugh followed inevitably by a noise that was all kinds of unpleasant. And at the center of it all was your newfound friend—picking apart the opposition with all the careful rage of someone determined to sear the consequences of these Hunters’ folly into the memories of their lineages for ages to come.

And then—amidst all the quite frankly epic fighting that you would have to tell Ace and Deuce all about when they came back to visit—you noticed that not far from where you were hiding observing was a familiar, angry, gaunt face. Lord Flamm’s elaborate black and maroon robes swirled around his ankles as he paced, and he was leering at the chaos unfolding not a hundred feet away with an expression that calling murderous would have been kind.

You bristled immediately, limbs lancing through with a tight sort of indignation.

He was just—right there! Standing all the way out here! When the rest of his party was busy being chewed to itty-bitty pieces!

And sure, rationally you knew that Wizards were squishy, glass-canons not meant for close combat more intense than a round of rock-paper-scissors. Sure, when you and your idiots had been facing down a dragon, Ace and Deuce had ordered you and your equally ill-armored self to run for it. Someone had probably hurled the Elf from the room the moment combat began, or demanded he whirl away to safety.

But you wanted to be angry. Because this was the man who had strode, eyes wide open, into a hornet’s nest with the sole intention of crushing the poor bugs beneath his heel. He deserved to bear the brunt of the miserable, stinging, backlash.

It certainly didn’t help that he was glaring down Tsunotarou with near frenzied loathing. The tome in his hands was flipped open to a dense spell that you couldn’t even begin to make sense of, and he was casting. Something tedious, and extravagant, and with enough somatic nonsense to make your head spin. His gloved fingers glowed beneath a growing mote of magic that shone horrible and bright in the natural shadows of the castle. Whatever sort of magic it was, it was strong enough to make the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end and push frantic adrenaline through your veins. Sigils swam through the air, and you swore you could feel it sapping at your own tiny pool of mana. If this was some kind of spell that would gobble up magic, then a dragon who was nothing but magic—then Tsunotarou—he would—This spell might actually—

You ran at that wretched little bitch with everything you had, and tackled him to the ground just as a bolt of crackling, pale, force magic boomed from between his fingers. The spell shot wide, and you thanked every divine being you could think of for the enduring shittiness of Wizard Muscles.

“I should have known you’d risk your life to save that unholy monster,” he seethed, rolling back to his feet and sending you tumbling off the side.

You stood firm and silent between this awful, garbage, Elf and the Dragon he so hated.

Lord Flamm raised a hand in your direction, incensed, and then you watched as something sharp and frightened slithered its way across his features. No sparks danced along his fingertips, no black miasma curled from his palms. You shoved your hands into your pockets and rocked back and forth on your heels like the most obnoxious piece of shit you could be.

“Wow,” you drawled, low in your throat. “That was impressive. I mean. How many times did you cast all those spells on me earlier? I’m shocked you have anything left.”

The already dark look coloring his face twitched into something truly foul.

“You were doing that on purpose,” he snarled. “You vile, loathsome, bumbling ignoramus of a bard!—"

“Ah, stop, stop!” You beamed, fanning yourself with a limp wrist. “You’re going to make me blush~”

You ducked out the way with a yelp as a mote of fire whizzed past your ear—singeing far too many hairs at it went. Because fuck fuck fuck. Cantrips were still a thing. And he was powerful enough that those simple, little, bits of magic would still probably be more than enough to fry the meat off your bones.

“It’ll be enough to kill you,” he seethed—like he could read your thoughts—teeth tugged into a hideous, gaping, sneer.

Your mind zipped through every possible escape route and settled frantically on the only option that had ever truly seemed to save your ass.

“What white teeth you have?” you tried.

He roared and another shot of brilliant, red, flames careened over your head.  

You ducked out of the way with a squawk just in the nick of time, nearly faceplanting into a wall in your haste.

And thus ensued a terrifying but morbidly hilarious Benny Hill chase through pillars, and behind rocks, and into holes. You killed your singular, daily use of Misty Step just trying to get out of one of said holes. And your brief attempt at tossing up a Mirror Image to throw off his groove did little but get you whacked with a Counterspell that made your bones ache.

Just as you’d burned through the last of your meager magic and were genuinely preparing to just try and deck the guy again, black smoke began to curl through the hall—soon followed by the ominous roll of thunderous growls and the heavy grindingof a gigantic beast clawing its way into the room.

You threw yourself at the dragon with more enthusiasm than was probably proper for a situation like this, and he immediately ducked his head to catch you against his snout. He curled himself around you with a rumbling snarl and your vision was drowned in a shifting sea of ebony scales. You squished yourself into his bulk with a shuddering sigh, fingers clutching a bit uselessly at the slippery surface of his natural armor.

A burst of orange flames rolled harmlessly off Tsunotarou’s scaled side and his lips curled unpleasantly over his canines. You could see the licks of emerald fire rolling off his tongue—dancing along his white teeth and lighting the hall in an ominous, sickly, glow.

Before the pair of you, Lord Flamm looked half-mad. If not fully consumed. His party wiped, his hostage freed, and the creature he hated so fiercely baring down on him with no escape.

He let his head fall back with a discordant trill of laughter and grinned at the approaching dragon without a hint of repentance. Fear, perhaps. Panic, certainly. But no remorse. He raised his hands once more, and another dredge of his own fire sparked along his fingers.

“And he shall smite the wicked and plunge them into the fiery pit.”

The Great Briar Beast of Old opened his gigantic, black, maw and choked the hall in a torrent of emerald fire.

And Lord Flamm and his Dragon Slayers were no more.

You stared intently at the singed corridor, as if waiting for one of the piles of ash to jump to its feet and pull a sword. Which you might have excused as paranoid fretting if you hadn’t heard of necrotic magics capable of doing exactly that. But after a long moment of waiting with bated breath and tight fists, the monsters did not rise from their graves, and all seemed to be truly well and over.

You let out a gigantic gust of a breath and collapsed bonelessly against the dragon at your side. After a solid minute or two of just awkwardly trying to find a good way to hug a giant lizard more than a dozen times your size, Tsunotarou slipped out of his scales, and then he was warm and fleshy in your arms once more. Still too big, still earth-shatteringly strong, but human-shapedenough that you could merrily settle into his embrace without the risk of becoming a pancake.

“Tsunotarou!” you chirped past the lingering haze of smoke. “You’re okay!”

“Me?” he gawked at you. It was an awkward angle to make eye contact, seeing as he’d latched himself onto you like a particularly determined koala, but he managed nonetheless. “You were worried about me during all of that?” He blinked those wide, neon, eyes at you like you were some horribly long and tedious math equation that he couldn’t even begin to make sense of. “You were the one who was captured!”

“They were Dragon Slayers,” you entreated, brow furrowed. “They didn’t need me for much of anything. Of course I was worried more about you.”

When the constipated look on his face refused to fade, you prodded him gently in his side.

“Look, I promise if we ever run into Bard Poachers I will be exponentially more cautious.”

He didn’t look particularly convinced—whether because he was trying to suss out of if something like ‘Bard Poachers’ were an actual, factual, threat upon your person, or because you’d just openly hurtled yourself at a clearly overpowered, feral, wizard with no regards to your already shitty constitution to speak of, so a promise to ‘be more cautious’ was about as good as saying that maybe next time you wouldn’t outright flirt with death. Only subtly. A lil’ bit.

You reached up to smoosh your thumb along the sharp slant of his frown and smooth out the harsh edges that were practically digging into his jaw.

“Tsunotarou, if you keep making that face, it’s going to get stuck like that,” you warned.  

“Malleus,” he interrupted, firm. You blinked up at him slowly and your hand fell back to rest in the nonexistent space between you.

“A what?”

“Malleus,” he repeated, and you felt the weight of the word dance through the air like sparks. Like an invocation, or a curse. “My true name.”

You waited a moment in shocked silence before slowly repeating your own name back at him. He startled and snorted a laugh into your neck, some of that lingering, terrible, tension finally seeming to seep out of him.

“I am well aware of what you are called, Child of Man.”

“…I know that,” you mumbled, fighting the urge to fidget. Malleus, Malleus, Malleus. The syllables sat heavy on your tongue, like your mouth couldn’t figure out how to push them past your lips. “I thought you said that dragons don’t give out their real names.”

He drew back just enough to cup your cheeks in his ashy palms, brushing a clawed finger back and forth against one of the small cuts littering your jaw.

“There is power in a name,” he said. “It is not a gift readily bestowed.”

Then why—

You swallowed, nervous, and one of his thumbs tracked the movement along the hollow of your throat.

“This way, if you call for me, I will always hear you,” he promised, eyes going flinty and venomous as he gazed at the cinder piles of smoking intruders. “And something like this will never happen again.”

“I—I mean,” you spluttered. “Me being—And this being—I mean—” You cleared your throat. “That hardly seems like a good enough reason to—to—” To put something so important into the hands of someone who literally broke into your house less than a month ago. To give something so precious to someone so human.

“Isn’t it?” he smiled, that sharp anger melting back into something painfully soft. Your poor heart kickstarted itself all over again. He ducked forward to press his nose into your temple, and you could feel the soft puff of his breath as his grin sharpened into a smirk. “Though I would have liked to bestow my titles on you in other ways as well, if this little hero would be amenable.”

You squawked, and the only thing that shook you out of the immediate spiral into ‘did he really just ask me to—am I really going to be stuck in every goddamn bard’s trope existence of—of—'  was the merry laughter that bubbled up from somewhere behind you. 

“Careful, my Prince,” Lilia hummed from his place perched atop a particularly large heap of rubble. “If you come on too strong, you’ll only scare them away. Humans are flighty like that, I’m afraid.”

You could feel Malleus’s pout against your forehead.

“Not my human,” he grouched. His hands dropped from your cheeks to encircle your waist and clutch at your lower back. “And that besides,” he continued testily, “you were the one who only just this morning insisted I take decisive action.”

“That’s true,” Lilia agreed with a gentle bob of his head, resting his pointed chin against his palm. “But perhaps three sentences at least before the proposal?”

Malleus blinked, slow and serpentine, before flicking his neon gaze back to you. “That does seem fair I suppose. What do you think?”

“I think,” you gawked, trying and failing to process any of the words that were coming out of their fanged mouths, “that I am having a stroke.”

“NOT ACCEPTABLE!” boomed a voice from overhead. “YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO FALL ILL AFTER ALL THE EFFORTS WE TOOK TO KEEP YOU SAFE!”

You jolted in shock, and Malleus’s talons flexed reassuringly at your waist as he gently turned you back-to-chest so that you could face your accuser. He nestled his chin into your shoulder, and you could feel his horns bump against your skull as he tried to burrow in as close as possible. Which all would have been thoroughly distracting, but then you noticed that one of the Gargoyles from early had landed directly across from you. Its spiked head was swiveling back and forth as it appraised you like some particularly ruffled cockatoo. And that in itself was bizarre enough to help you focus on something other than the weight along your back and the steadily rising heat in your cheeks.

“Uhm, hello?” you tried.

“WE HAVE ALREADY MET!” It screeched. “THERE IS NO NEED FOR INTRODUCTIONS!”

“It talks,” you blanched.

“OF COURSE I SPEAK, YOU IGNORANT ENTERTAINER!” The Gargoyle thundered. Its yellow eyes flashed in indignation. “HOW COULD I NOT LEARN TO COMMUNICATE IN A RESPECTABLE FASHION WHEN SERVING SOMEONE SO MAJESTIC AS HIS MAJESTY?!”

“I think,” the other Gargoyle said, slipping forward so silently you could hardly believe it was made of such strong stone at all, “that what Sebek is trying to say, is that we are happy to finally be able welcome you into our home, even if it is under less than ideal circumstances. And that we are very pleased to be able to speak with you.”

“THAT IS WHAT I ALREADY SAID, SILVER!” the spiky one snarled. No one else looked particularly bothered by his ceaseless volume, so it was probably normal. He stuck his carved nose into the air with a harumph. “AND I HAVE HEARD OF THE WAYS OF YOU TRAVELING STORY TELLERS! IF YOU BREAK MY MASTER’S HEART, YOU WILL SUFFER AN ETERNITY OF TORMENT AT MY HAND!”

Malleus growled, low and rumbling, from over your shoulder. Instantly his stalwart guardian cowed—head dipping like a kicked a puppy.

“Of course,” it continued, much softer. “I don’t think this human would do that. And—And I think my master has made a very good choice in his mate, and I will be happy to serve you too.”

Lilia sighed a sigh that sounded very much like a doting mother overflowing with parental affection. Like the kind of noise one may hear on a cozy Sunday afternoon while helping prepare dinner, or while sitting on a little, floral, couch and sifting through little paintings of grandchildren. There was still blood splattered all along his cheeks.

“It’s so lovely to have the family all together again,” he cooed. “And I do think that you will make such a marvelous addition.”

“Oh. Well. Thank you,” you nodded jerkily, just as your knees buckled and you collapsed to the floor.

.

.

On the first day of the new month, Ace and Deuce made their way back to the forgotten castle nestled in a pool of lava.

“We should never have left them,” Deuce grumbled for what was maybe the ten thousandth time. Ace was sick of hearing it. He was even more sick of the fact that despite being constantly inundated with various versions of ‘oh, we’re such terrible friends,’ the little, twisting, spike of guilt in his gut never grew any duller. Wasn’t that how it was supposed to work? Something-something-repetitive-exposure-therapy, or whatever? This sucked. He wanted a refund on this whole ‘conscience’ thing. Maybe it wasn’t too late to sell his soul and become a Warlock or whatever. Surely that would help.  

“We didn’t have a choice,” Ace reminded him. Again. “They’re okay. I know they are. We’re going to show up and they’ll be, I don’t know, lying in a bed of gold being hand fed grapes or something.”

Deuce made a rumbly, whining, kind of noise that made him sound even more pathetic than usual and Ace sighed, determined to instead focus on the rickety rope bridge swinging beneath their feet.

The ancient, looming, monstrosity of a building was just as cold and dark as it had been the first time. If anything, it was more filthy. With walls stained with seeping ash and the charred, skeletal, remains of something that Ace was definitely, absolutely, not going to think about scattered throughout the grime.

The two of them made their way to the heart of the castle until they were standing at the entrance of a grand, cavernous, chamber that may have once been some sort of ballroom.

Ace didn’t know what he was expecting. Slaver’s coils maybe. A chain around your ankles and rags drooping from your shoulders. Or maybe you wouldn’t even be there at all—long since swallowed down as a little, midnight, snack.

He certainly wasn’t expecting to see you lounging contentedly atop a mountainous heap of soft blankets, with the master of this castle—terror-incarnate, death from above, an eldritch beast ripped straight out of legend—curled along the lumpy hills of your grandiose pillow fort, its great head nestled at your back as you reclined against its scales and chattered away. Like the goddamned, rambling, idiot you had always been.

One of the dragon’s large, green, eyes shifted towards the intruders at its door, and Ace froze in place. You paused your chattering to raise your hand with an excited little wave. Your tattered traveler’s clothes had been replaced with something silken and soft enough that it would probably melt in his fingers, and it swayed like mist around you as you made your way to your feet. You were practically dripping in platinum, and diamonds, and emeralds, and—he was going to stop counting them before he gave himself a conniption.

And yeah… it wasn’t exactly a throne of gold and gemstones, but it was almost just as impressive. And immediately indignation swept through Ace with a horrible kind of vengeance. Because how dare you actually be living it up over here when he had been so fucking worried just lying about all that cool stuff to keep Deuce from storming the castle gates?

“You made it!” you chirped, perfectly merry despite the gigantic maw full of sharp teeth hovering at your shoulder.

“Of—Of course we did,” Deuce stuttered, his blue eyes flicking back and forth so quickly from the dragon, to you, to Ace, to the dragon, to you—that Ace genuinely thought he might be having a seizure. “We promised we would.”

You stopped in front of them with a considerate little hum, sharp eyes tracing and cataloguing their varying reactions. After a moment of what was obviously some very smug preening and even smugger ‘I win this round’ silent gloating, you slipped out of the piles of entangled jewels with an exaggerated shrug. With the exception of an intricately carved emerald pendant hanging softly between the hollows of your collarbones, the rest of the infinitely expensive and rare gems fell to the ground with a series of clattering chatter.

“All that shit is so heavy,” you whined. Whined. Like you had any right to complain about anything at all for the rest of your existence. You leaned forward with a wink. “I was just hoping it’d make your thieving, money-hungry ass, jealous.” You smirked, proud. “And it looks like it worked, you goddamn traitors.”

Ace was about to splutter out the most scathing remark his spiteful little brain could come up with, when Deuce ruined everything by rushing forward like the blubbering idiot he was and scooping you up into a bearhug.

“You’re okay! You’re okay!” he wailed. “We missed you so much!”

“Speak for yourself,” Ace huffed, and twinged miserably when it came out sounding far too soft. He cleared his throat and decided to take a different approach. “You know, last time I was sort of joking about the whole ‘bards and dragons’ thing. But it looks like you’ve made yourself real comfortable. And here I thought you were always super opposed to the ‘fucking my way out of my problems’ stereotype.”

However, because the universe seemed determined not to give Ace any kind of win for the rest of his natural existence, instead of getting all embarrassed and mousey, you just huffed and turned up your nose at him.

“Well obviously not as a dragon,” you complained. “Do you know how big he is? How would that even work, huh?” The aforementioned dragon lowered his gigantic head to settle on the ground at your side, and you leaned against him good-naturedly when he grumbled low in his throat. “Yeah, no,” you said to the beast, rolling your eyes. “Nice try, but no.”

Deuce immediately choked and started hacking up a lung, and Ace wanted to die.

“You can talk to it?” the redhead asked instead of keeling over.

You shrugged.

“Not like this. But I’ve learned to interpret most of it.” You wiggled your fingers. “It’s my sixth sense.”

Ace’s nose scrunched. “Yeah, right. If anything, it’s your ‘I’ve been dicked down by a dragon and think that makes me soooo special now’ sense—”

The great, ebony, monster growled and the Fighter’s mouth snapped shut like someone had taken a hammer to his jaw. You snickered goodhumoredly and elbowed your companion gently at the base of one of its long, sharp, horns.

“He’s just joking around,” you said to the winged horror. “You don’t have to get all defensive.”

There was another grumpy sneer, but the dragon simply settled more heavily at your side with a defeated sort of huff. The gust of a sigh sent a wave of scorching heat along Ace’s front, and he fought the urge to cow immediately and beg for his life. Because apparently that wasn’t going to be necessary, because you had—you had—

“Are you in love?” Deuce blurted, because unlike Ace, the Barbarian was pure, and good, and still didn’t fully understand how eggs worked, let alone the concept of Fuck or Die.

And then you surprised him yet again by getting as flustered as he’d expected you to when he’d accused you (rightly) of bending over for a goddamn fucking dragon.

But before you could answer, the dragon lifted its head to press its temple against yours. Or, as well as it could do that when it dwarfed the lot of you the way an elephant might hover over a mouse. Mostly it just ended up being a very, very, delicate head bump. A deep, warbling, purr started from its chest and rolled all the way up and past its sharp, white, canines.

“Uhm,” you tried again. “You guys are invited to the wedding, I guess.”

“The what?!” Deuce howled, before promptly falling to his knees to fan himself like a devasted matron in a church.

You sighed and rubbed at the back of your head, clearly embarrassed. You mumbled something under your breath that sounded a bit like ‘it’s kind of a whole saga, y’know.’ And Ace, in all his infinite good will, decided to take pity on you just this once. And also because you were clearly loaded now, and all good friends know that sharing is caring, right?

“Come on then, Bardy,” he smirked, leaning down to kick Deuce flatter to the floor—half to knock the guy out of his frantic spiraling, half so he could perch on his back like a chair. Because the stone floor looked really uncomfortable, and he had a feeling that trying to slip into that nice nest of blankets of yours would not end well. “Tell us a story.”

.

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[bryce-bucher]

500 CALIBER CONTRACTZ Post #12

Dialogue!!!11:

The main thing I did over the past week or so was put together this dialogue system. The system itself was fairly easily to implement, and I think the only interesting part of the process to share is how I went about making the UI. As per usual, I wanted to have a cool mechanical feeling ui, but at the same time a friend of mine suggested an AOL instant messenger inspired chat window. I loved both of these ideas so I decided to combine them into a screen that pops up and contains the aim-like window. The modeling process for the screen was similar to how I went about making the other two bits of ui that are on screen in the above photos, but I decided to include a VGA port.

VGA PORT:

I didn't originally plan to include a VGA port, but I was in the middle of researching monitors and accidentally left a window open on my computer that just had a big photo of one and I went "wait a minute.". With my final two braincells I suddenly decided to slap together a model for the port which I ended up being proud enough of to, for some reason, make an entire section for it.

Sorry if any of the above sentences read horribly. I am going to need a third braincell if you want this stuff to be coherent. Anyway, Blender is so cool. Using the array modifier to make all these lil squares for the holes in the port is just such a satisfying process. I've come to really like makin pre-rendered assets like this.

New Movez:

This is actually a pretty big inclusion, and I probably should've ranked it in my mind above the VGA port. I added some new movement options to the game!

Firstly, I added this melee move where you swing the back of the sniper forwards to propel yourself a bit. It is mainly useful as a bunnyhop that allows you to conserve momentum.

Next up I added this kick that happens if you melee while in the air. It's basically just the one from mario64. It lets you gain a little bit more height and distance. It also becomes way more effective if you have a lot of momentum. A good tool for correcting jumps and reaching new heights.

Finally, we have the big schmovement slide. This slide gives you a huge burst of speed that you can jump out of in order to send your self flyin. Surprisingly, it didn't really break any of the level design and ended up being a really fun addition imo. In order to perform it, you have to do a ground pound and then melee as you hit the ground. Also, I feel like I basically stole this from pseudoregalia. Played through that recently and it has been a good source of inspiration.

Nova!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:

This is a cameo skin I've been really excited to finally make myself put in the game. Anodyne 2 is a really important game to me, and I love it much. I'm really happy tha folks at analgesic let me put her in here, and I'm p happy with how her model came together. If you haven't peeped the Anodyne games I highly recommend them. The first one was a major inspiration for parts of Fatum Betula.

Conclusion:

Lately I've been playing this game way too much. It has made it impossible for me to tell if it is fun or well designed. Some problems cropped up during playtesting that ima need to address, and I hope that it all comes together into something that one could say is "fun and cool". I think takin this weekend off is gonna do my brain good. Oh yeah also I feel like I should advertise that I'm still doing commissions if anyone is interested. Anyway, have a good 1 and enjoy urself.

[storgicdealer]

ahem. cracks knuckles.

you know what time it is boy

highlights of attacking the innocent (also balling): general analysis of influencer arc episode 1

(so. the green onceler arc might be actually real)

THIS EPISODE WAS SO SICK. the animation????the music??????? the 3D CYBERSPACE??????????? MWAH chefs kiss . and the most interesting new thing: new character to play dolls with (thank you everyone who put their 5 cents in and shared a braincell: calling him greenscreen)

and. god.

the 3d insides of the computer box and programs... GOD !!!!!! GOD !!!!!!!!!!!! THIS IS WHAT I LIVE FOR BABY!!!!!!!!

i NEED to find out the dimensions of it.

the way the ab team decided to expand on the 3d perspective just like this is. oh my lird

personally this means SO MUCH for me as the #1 lover of the "internet is walkable" trope. one of the main reasons why i adore avam so much

more points on that: the icons dont seem to.. "gain shape" until they're interacted with: in this case picked up by the cg. another point: sticks need to apply force to an icon to open an app . swag

additional note: the episode itself seems to begin in sticksfight?? or just a random table that was drawn

additional note electric boogaloo: green seemed to hit the CEILING when performing his ballin movement. is the gui of the computer really not that high?? and.

where are the doors. where are. where is the backstage that the sticks constantly come out of. hello

the way they interact with adobe premiere is SO SO interesting. the whole process of videomaking in the universe is something im gonna be thinking of for a GOOD while

(small note: i know sticks own hammerspace and can basically bring out anything but. is the red cape the red fabric green used in the matador short?

now, onto our new character

greenscreen seemed to appear out of the adobe video being overloaded? with effects n unnecessary sfx and clipping masks and such, causing it to glitch. in fact, adobe itself warned to proceed with caution the second the cg put too much stuff into it.

honestly, we can always put this monent into the "something glitchy-fucked happens and there are consequences" category, with the consequences just happening to be a new guy (thank you so much whoever did that). but worldbuilding wise, how exactly did it manifest? did the excessive amount of effects and glitches.. shape a creature into existence? with it taking the appearance of green as the main character that appeared in the video the most. sort of like a puzzle to create a being?

what's interesting, the screen focuses on the cg throwing the video away before the sequence with it gaining sentience by taking the form of green starts.

now, the main thing about the fight scene to me is how greenscreen took all of his movements/actions from the video itself,

and how many people have already pointed out, is that..

he doesn't seem to have wanted to attack in the first place.

screen, from the beginning of his existence only possessed powers/moves that green & cg themselves have shown in the video. and of course, the main point of the video itself was fighting a monster — obviously filling up the video, the whole essence of the character, with mostly that. his whole being was shaped up that way.

screen might've tried acting friendly, or neutral at least — but the whole way the video, a fighting video, was jumbled with glitches kind of.. forced him not to exhibit any other behaviour. perhaps, if not for these glitches, he could've controlled his own actions — he would still know the most of the world from the video, but at least, if he wanted to fight — he could control it. and do it himself, if he wanted.

(additional note: greenscreen seems to glitch everytime he's hit, also.)

the time he does attack, himself — is when he is cornered, and has been shown nothing but violence from others.

woah that pal has some seeerious issues to get under control ! anyways, onto other highlights of the video! (/silly)

the new video did a WONDERFUL job at showcasing the cg's fighting style in a new, clear manner. the gang regained the weapons they have wielded in the first part of "wanted", but in another form.

orange, equipped with the classic brush tool, seems to be mostly focused on defense. (regaining the previous defense styles based on the last parts of wanted & avm s3!)

red seems to focus on melee and hand-to-hand fighting,

blue, classic: fighting at a distance with the bow.

yellow seems to also fight at a certain distance, but it is only a hand's reach: enough to hit, enough to not get hit. (this also heavily reminds me of yellow's behavior with the staff, where in fight she has mostly hung out in the middle: aiming and attacking from a certain distance.)

i'm not particularly sure what category to put green in, also taking in his usage of the rod in avms3 and a .. gun. in the beginning of wanted. but his moves are the most agile and sharp (literally) out of the crew.

a bit of the video i am . Really interested in

finding out about his adobe-abilities, screen consumed other bits of the program to use it for attacking. including posterizing time, which is not only a quite strong ability in on itself, but!

..also seemed to affect other sticks, while he, himself — was unaffected by time.

the move seems to be incredibly powerful??? like. if it was that easy for a glitched video to consume parts of adobe, use it for his own powers, to a point of manipulating time???

damn. the cg basically created an adobe demigod????????

another supposition i have onto why it worked on sticks: the cg were drawn themselves, and drawn in adobe flash, therefore being interacted with as symbols whether they were affected because of just being drawn beings themselves, or because of some kind of influence all adobe programs might have on each other — their creation itself is probably the reason for this. (once again. they created a killer machine and provoked it itself!!!!!! damn pick a struggle!!!!!/j)

the episode finishes off amazingly in my opinion by the cg recreating and using the basketball movements they learned when filming their first video. they Slamdunked a stick. good lord

anyways. FEEL FREE TO ADD ON TO THIS POST WHATEVER YOU WANT !!! i appreciate all notes !!!! :D

[kehideni]

Part 2 of https://www.tumblr.com/kehideni/756020526614478848/the-time-has-come-the-aroacest-person-ever-will?source=share

Spoilers for season 5

S5E1

When Macaque is going off on Wukong about how his companions are suddenly back and he didn't think that suspicious (which is a valid point btw, when MK forgets to hold his braincells, this season it's Macaque that holds them for him)

Wukong's reaction is to go defensive, because why would he question why they are back, when Macaque is back too.

Wukong will not say it because why would he, but he is most probably glad that his friends are back. I mean Season 4 ended with him saying that's life. Just him and his buddies having a good time on the beach.

Macaque saying "all his old companions" are back, and leaving himself out of that statement is also a quiet jab. "His old friends, your journey companions are back." What... are you not his friend too, Macaque? Are you not also back?

That pouty face to me looks hurt, and that's why Macaque backed down. I don't think he knows why Wukong looks hurt, but he is so he backs off to get the conversation back to intended tracks. MK's identity.

Macaque from his pov was trying to warn Wukong that he is being too careless, but it came accross as criticising, something that Wukong never took well, but when Nezha does it in Season 4 he only gets a crayon thrown at him, when Mac does it, it actually stings so of course he bites back. Not that he doesn't think about what Mac said to him, but well... these monkeys are horrible in communication.

I grade them both -F. Try again next year.

S5E2

Wukong picks a fight with Macaque again, which wouldn't be strange given the situation, things are tense.

But it's not like it's unreasonable for Macaque to be upset about being jailed. What is he supposed to do? Cheer?

What makes this scene kind of elevated from being a casual "things are shitty, let's bicker" scene is that... MK takes note of it nonverbally.

"You think it's my idea of a good time? Trapped in here with you?" *bites his lip

which is... whoaww tsundere much? Not like you are not also trapped there with MK... did you... forget he is there? Weird case of Macaque prioritization no. 1.

And it's not like it was just a gag and we forget it, because a few seconds later MK takes note of this verbally too.

"Nezha help, i don't wanna be a divorce lawyer." /j

The season is full of Wukong's micro facial expressions.

Half a minute ago he was pissed at Macaque and now he chuckles about how Macaque just outed MK's lawyer bit like it was nothing.

And he wasn't really laughing about MK specifically, because as MK continues his bit, his expression turns to annoyed.

Nothing, just appreciate him laughing along the get away stunt while you still can

Wukong's line here is very deliberate

"I don't trust anyone who isn't standing here with us right now." He knows what he said, and knows who heard it. An olive branch alright, but he still is shocked when his trust is proven to be placed right:

And one example of rightly placed Macaque-prioritisation (the only example, really)

Not 3 minutes ago he was laughing along, having fun and we already have the stress lines back.

People have pointed it out already, but you guys are actually correct to notice:

Wukong, you were not hit on your chest, your head is what's supposed to be hurting. And look at those increasing amount of stress lines, whaow. When MK asks if Mac got away, Wukong knows no.

And let me remind you, in Season 4 Wukong sarcastically says: "Oh right, because you always RUSH to my rescue." Well there you go honey, Macaque rushed to your rescue.

S5E7 Into the Pagoda

The thing with the 100 eyed demon is that as we saw with MK, he is looking for THE most traumatising memory with his victims.

Wukong's canonical most traumatising memory *IS* his fight with Macaque, when there could have been hundreds other memories. One of the freshest ones seeing Azure disintegrate in front of him (and yes we did see him be upset about it), but i guess that's not enough to make him cry. But if you want another example of hurtful memory (strictly taking from the show because that's what we know for sure happened) is when Mei chewed him out for being a bad friend to MK. Or... well i guess Wukong is the older brother of MK now.

Look at those stress lines

Before this scene, let me remind you, the last we saw Wukong was having fun on Tang's expense.

Macaque once again sees how Wukong is upset but has no idea that he is the reason behind it and ends up being rather inconsiderate of Wukong's mood.

(This exchange is tonally deaf from Macaque's side.

It's akin to like when you just lost your pet and when you get home your mom goes off on you for not having washed the dishes.)

Wukong really doesn't care in this second that they got captured, nor that MK went off alone in the pagoda. This is Wukong's second case of "weird Macaque-priority". Something that he really shouldn't allow himself in the apocalypse.

The third time he prioritises Macaque is even weirder. MK just left to KILL HIMSELF. You really don't have time to check on Macaque, Wukong.

But he does.

Even Macaque calls him out on that:

"Stop the kid, you idiot!" and Macaque is right. TF you doing wasting time Wukong?

At the end Wukong is being perfectly open about Mac being important to him.

Thing is, it's also well timed that he starts to care about Macaque again, because alarmingly lot of times this Season Macaque was isolated from everyone. Not in a physical sense, although that too happened, but in imagery as well:

Everyone is grouped: Mei with Wukong, Tang Pigsy Sandy, Nezha and his father. Note their position too.

And yes, the hand holding block happened on purpose too, btw:

Macaque's reward in season 4 for helping the good guys was that he is no longer alone, unlike how he was from season 1 to 3. But season 5 suggests that he *IS* still alone, and while Wukong seeks him out, they are not there yet. Wukong is no longer alone, but Macaque still is.

[accio-victuuri]

June CPNs round-up ❤️💛💚

• Children’s Day candies

• similar we11done pants - i personally love seeing them in same style clothing, especially if it’s as unique as this.

• LOZ preview candies: having the same braincell playing w/ an abacus & the ok gesture reappears

• i can’t link it here because the posts are locked over at weibo, but someone on douyin commented they saw wyb on set of LOZ. but then later on said that they were mistaken. hmmm. you can take it as it is, that this person said something he shouldn’t have. or that he retracted his statement to prevent any problems or rumors. as with these things anyway, we will know as time goes by and as we see clues here and there. i’m just archiving this incident here for future use.

• Beijing same city 6/5 to 6/7 before wyb flew abroad for the french open.

• 6/6 XZ chongqing photos candies 📷

• WYB and the innocence of the little prince

• Look at them and their hats and long hair!

• french embassy paying attention to THEM!

• GG spotted wearing green tod’s shoes! and it looks like they purposely matched their airport fits 😭😭

• XZ’s dragonboat festival photos

• 6/11 xz and wyb together on the hot search

• The similarity in their ELLE magazine previews. you can say that it’s the editing from the same magazine publication that’s why this happened but it’s so uncanny!!!!

• weibo opening screen of their movies winning at weibo movie night!!!!

• August issue of MOVIE STAR magazine featuring them for CQL 5th anniversary!!!!

• venchi chocolate

• new apple watch after spending time in beijing

• rolex daytona paul newman 6263

• XZS chongqing vlog: stone island wardrobe, suitcase, ipad and same city (shanghai) - what i didn’t include here about the suitcase is that, i like the cpn of wyb bringing home stuff that xz’s parents ( in chongqing where he came from before shanghai ) has asked him to give yibo. it may be food items and other things and it makes sense that yibo is the one to take it back.

• 6/16 xiao zhan weibo posts a 🐽 and them posting so close to each other & some more clowning about a sus necklace, 18:23 and venus - i swear! this made me lose my mind! xz is so loud 🗣️🗣️🗣️on yibo’s end we got him imitating the family picture

and i forgot to add the betty boop that looked like she’s wearing luffy’s outfit!

• 6/17 zsww fake rumor

• a cpn compilation about the pig 🐽

• Loewe candies + them being in europe at the same time for 622

• going back to Beijing the same day 6/23!

• rufeng posts new audio snippet where wyb implies he is not jealous of wwx and wq

• them being number 1 for the respective weeks their new endorsements were announced. king behavior!

• tod’s x loewe business photo shoot looks! it’s matching!

• another example of ybo and xzs similarity ( yibo moment )

• the bonus content this month is a tarot card reading done for the boys. if you’ve been following me for some time you’ll know that this is my guilty pleasure when it comes to them. i understand it’s out there so feel free to skip. here is the original video. i will just share here the interesting part that made cpfs 👀.

reading was made 6/19 and people were asking about if whether they will go to europe together. the person said that it’s within the month and not a two person trip cause they will have people with them. and that they have been preparing for this. a section also explained how their state is, that it’s treating one like a husband and they will stay sweet forever. also how the two will remain “hot” or popular. and— that they will sign a contract to put themselves in equal footing which is not limited to a marriage certificate etc.

a part of it too which was asked is how wyb’s relationship is with his dad + i guess how he is taking the romance between him and xz plus other things ( probably ) idk how cpfs thought of asking this. i’m not implying anything okay? the question was “Has the father’s attitude softened?” OP said that wyb has not returned home during this period and him & his father is always separated by by geographical distance. there is no time to sit down and talk with his father so the final result is still a deadlock.But they have to talk and wyb needs to take the initiative to speak to his father.

• adding this here cause it’s blowing my mind how much they look alike recently. like this airport video of xz. i mean. he even move kinda like wyb. LIKE…WHAT…..

-END. See you next month!

<<< previous post

[inkracken]

1. Frost

Love how every hermit artist saw this prompt and was like “oh, tango. Obviously.” we all share the same braincell and it is locked in the dungeons of DO2

[primoppang]

hi. hi. here to request. a little seungmin fluff where we are kind of lonely and sad and he reminds us that he’s always there : )

HI HONEY TY FOR BEING MY FIRST EVER REQUEST <3333 ily and seungie so I got u bby ◡̈ mwah ur the best ( ˘ ³˘)♡

warning: swearing is inevitable with me sorry ¯\_(˶′◡‵˶)_/¯, fluff, like gross amounts of it, seungmin says "this is so gay but..." because he cringes at showing affection but refuses to let you forget how he feels about you fr, he's a tsundere ok? ok. he licks your face(?) , one (1) kiss, he joking threatens to fight you, and mentions of self doubt and anxiety, angst if you blink but I think it's mostly fluffy... anyways! lmk if I missed anything!!!

WC: a little under 500 :D

AN: this is the first drabble I've ever done in bullet point format so just pls lmk how it goes??? Im super nervous I hope it's at least an easy read :(

so the first time he realizes that you're feeling lonely he slaps himself internally because how DARE he make you feel that way, but he's not home rn and can't show you physically so he comes up with a Plan™️

you're literally the light of his life

so he just >:(

but not at u

he just wants to make you feel happy and loved and safe

so he starts brainstorming

but he's naturally a menace

so when you're texting with him while he's working and you're being kinda short

because yk

u just feel :(

he just sighs and texts back

"look, please don't feel sad. I know this is pretty fucking gay but I love you."

which makes u giggle

because that's YOUR seungie that YOU know and love so much

<3

BUT whenever he's able to be physically with you and he can just feel your self doubt and anxiety creeping in and trying to swallow you, he once again uses his braincell.

so he just grabs ur hand

and leads u out of ur bed and to the living room

sits u down

and starts running around ur shared apartment grabbing every blanket and pillow that exists within the space

and I mean

E V E R Y. S I N G L E. O N E.

puppy zoomies moment hehe

and don't even think about trying to question him

he'll just say "shut up and wait while I set up a big ass fort for us to cuddle in, ok?? I love you but I wanna make u SEE THAT."

which u smile at

because him telling u to shut up

but then explaining why

and then also watching him move furniture and start building the fort, you tear up with happy tears

because???

:(

he's the sweetest and u love him so much

but when he hears u sniffle

he turns on Extra Puppy Mode™️

pops out from under some blankets and tackles you into the couch and holds your face

wiping ur tears

maybe even licked one because he's a freak and wanted to get a reaction

which u just squealed at bc wtf sir

but then he realizes

oh ur crying because ur so touched by this whole thing that he's doing

!!!

"... you dummy. stop crying... we gotta get snacks and stuff for our super awesome fort yk??? and you won't be able to see if you're cryi—"

you cut him off by giving him a little kiss on his pouty lips

as a silent thank you :(

which he realizes that oops maybe he got too serious and overwhelming

but you reassured him that you're just so glad to have him as your partner and best friend in one :(

"please just remember that I do love you, and I'm always here even if that brain of yours tells you otherwise, ok? or I'll have to fight you... affectionately."

and then he proceeds to smother you in kisses and cuddles :(

[nica-my-beloved]

Things I Love and Dislove About Ikemen Games

These are my opinions!

CONTAINS ADULT CHARACTERS

You don't know how much this means to me because most of the time I try finding shoujo mangas I end up with stories that involve high school kids.

I'm a die heart fan of demon romance but majority of the shoujo manga that explores supernatural beings involves a 1000 year old demon king falling in love with a 16 year old high school girl. This sickens me not only because of the age gap but one of the party is a freaking minor.

As an adult, I'm so happy the Ikemen Games doesn't involve younger characters or at least characters that are 'minor' as a romantic partner.

MC's ONLY JOB IS TO SIMPLYFY THE STORY

I have said this before, MCs are just props to simplify the story and characters to us because the writers think we're too dumb to understand what the character is saying. They're like Paimon so that we don't use our braincells to understand the characters better.

I wish they didn't do that and have MCs backstories that describes their personality. I mean, all the MCs want to 'prove' to the male leads that they wanna be 'strong' but I'm tired of this trope.

Why does MCs have to always be innocent and prove themselves? Why does she always want to 'understand' the male leads? Can't we...for once have a romance that doesn't involve MCs teaching male leads true love?

Also STOP give MCs odd jobs! Book stall employee...letter carrier? I mean who is happy and satisfied doing this? How about giving the high-paying jobs like Auditor or Businesswoman or Scientist or etc etc...I know Mai is a fashion designer and businesswoman and Mitsuki is a travel agent turned maid. Alice is a baker and Yoshino is a pharmacist. The only MCs that continues to follow the path of their dreams is Mai and Yoshino.

MATURE ROMANCE

I enjoy seeing two adults slowly fall in love.

There is something different about teenagers falling in love vs adults falling in love. The romance is more realistic. They don't talk about how they're gonna plan their future together or which college they're going to go instead their chat is much more deep and that's refreshing.

NO BAD ENDINGS

Happy endings are nice. Everyone deserves one! But when there are no bad endings, the story won't have stakes.....and when there are no stakes, I can't take any gunshot sounds, blank screen and MCs saying 'Is this the end?' seriously.

Just stop being cowards writers! Put some bad endings!!

FAIR SHARE OF ROMANCE

Although I have played my fair share of Maiden games, majority of them are not that romantic.

I love cute romance moments to lighten up the mood and I really need them. Ikemen games delivers that too well....way too well...

I do have some criticism for random steamy scenes, I don't mind as long as they have context and mood.

The story is not so story focused all the time and also has time for mischievous romance which I like! It helps in calming me down and enjoy at the same time.

BULLSHIT GACHA SYSTEM AND NON-EXISTING GRINDING SYSTEM (Not very F2P friendly)

Even though Genshin's gacha system is shit (you need mf 90 wishes to get a guaranteed 5 star and 180 wishes to get the limited 5 star you want!) I still think it's ways better than the gacha system of these Ikemen Games.

Yes I agree that both the games are different in genre, one is an open world anime rpg and other is a maiden game with gacha mechanics. But that doesn't mean that I have to always pay to buy limited gacha tickets!! At least genshin gives us an open world to explore and grind primos (even though its time consuming)

Yes they do give limited tickets when you enter an event or complete the mission board but that's only ONE TICKET and you need 50 LIMITED TICKETS to get your guaranteed limited 5 star card. On the other hand, they give out many standard tickets but what am I gonna do with it if they aren't gonna update the standard banner?

These games are NOT F2P friendly and if you wanna...like say, want rank no.1 in an event you'd have to save a lot of items.

Ofc I know about the subscription thing and you do indeed get a lot of items, but the most essential thing for me is limited gacha tickets and diamonds because I wanna collect as many beautiful cards as possible and you don't get them from these monthly subscriptions. It's a waste of $5 very month. I'd rather buy a nice hair care or skin care items from that.

INTERESTING SETTINGS

I have my criticism in some of their stories but I can't deny that I LOVEE their story settings. Their premise for each game is solid to the point it makes me wanna actually try it.

This is something I find very rare in 'shoujo' genre.

For example, I don't like Vampire themed games because they suck! (both figuratively and literally) but Ikemen Vampire interests me because they take real historical figures and makes them vampire, which is a really cool idea! You don't know but I'd die to get myself in situation like that because it would be an honor to meet some great historical figures, chat with them and make them lose all their brain cells just like me. I would die to meet especially Isaac Newton and grill him for making those torturous physics theories that gave me brain tumors in my school.

Very cool setting! I can't wait to see what's in store for us in the future!!!

EVENTS ARE INSANELY BORING

I've never enjoyed a single story event from Ikemen Villains. They are boring and makes me fall asleep immediately at chapter 1. I think that kinda spread to Ikemen Prince because I barely open Ikemen Prince app now.

I honestly don't find the stories of these events interesting at all. It always feels like 'I have seen this before' maybe in some other game or some other manga.

And the Collections events.....yeah, I hate them! I wish they never existed!!! They keep the fan-loved characters at the butt-end of the list where 90% of the players don't even make it unless they burn their whole month's salary. I know that's why they do these anniversary elections because I bet if Sariel was the most voted character, his story would have been the most expensive one to get.

VERY LIKEABLE MALE LEADS

This is a personal thing but I love charismatic male leads a lot! Male leads with a lot of suave and beauty! Yes I care about these things when I play gacha games okay! I play gacha games to look at hot guys (because I know I'm never gonna get one in real life!)

But I also love that the devs puts an effort to make them feel good too. So I wanna give a shoutout to them!!! 'KEEP GOING!!! JUST DON'T MAKE TRIGGERING MEN WHO SAYS 'I'LL KILL YOU'!!!

[dontbelasagnax]

Honestly this was so hard to chose but I would LOVE to hear about the hair trimming fic please?? <3

Thank you for asking, Mia!!!

The really exciting thing about this fic is that it's a collaboration with @shortcuts-make-long-delays, @aquaticflames, @foreverchangingfandomsao3, @happybean17 @anaclastic-azurite, and @smoosey!!!! (Love you guys)

The other day I was telling some friends my clone hair headcanons and a fic idea that stemmed from it and they really liked it. We all wanted to see a fic so we decided to work together and each write one section to patchwork together a 6 (yes, six) +1 fic!!!

I've only really written 100 words in the doc so instead of a snippet you get what I shared in discord that activated our collective codywan braincell:

I admittedly have a shit ton of clone hair headcanons. Like for clones hair is a deeply personal thing that everyone learns how to individualize (or not- their prerogative) by trial, error, and community. Basically everyone learns how to hairdress in some fashion since they either do it for themself or help brothers out. Short haircuts are popular and so are lots of shaved designs. But there's a wealth of culture in hair that is long enough to be braided. They come up with their own styles. In my head, hair is seen as a treasured part of clone culture where everyone helps out- be that with braiding or doing their best to get a cut right or bleaching stripes. I have a fic idea that's like "This is why Obi-Wan lost his mullet in the war and also I'm a little bonkers and made it a Whole Thing" in which an encounter with Ventress leaves Obi-Wan with singed uneven hair and it will be a while till Obi-Wan can go back to Coruscant and see his usual hairdresser so Cody takes him aside once they're back on The Negotiator and gives him the classic TCW/RotS cut. So, naturally, Obi-Wan keeps having Cody do his hair. (Because it's a love language. I'm. Mentally unwell.)

Our tentative summary, courtesy of Aqua, is "six times Cody trimmed Obi-Wan's hair and one time that Obi-Wan trimmed Cody's"

Feeling quite unhinged about it as I'm thinking about it again 😂