#and like the ~issue~ resides in their partner. namely not being who they thought they were

[dreaminginsteadofsleeping42]

It’s so interesting to me that the big, like, ~reveal~ of both Jane Eyre and The Tenant of Wildfell Hall concern one of the main love interests already being - surprise! - married, but they are such VASTLY different circumstances with totally different connotations and consequences. Just Bronte girlie thoughts.

[maaarine]

The Heteronormativity Theory of Low Sexual Desire in Women Partnered with Men

"Since the birth of the twins, Denise felt a great sense of loss after leaving her previously rewarding job, James’ work increased in duration to compensate for the shift in income, and Denise’s identity as a mother superseded any sense of herself as a partner or lover.

She lost desire for sex and for James completely and perceived his requests for sex as intrusive; they were yet another demand placed upon her following a full day of devoting herself to her two demanding children who slept no longer than 4-h intervals through the night, even now at 22 months old.

James withdrew from childcare and household chores and activities, in part due to exhaustion following his 14-h work days and in part to “punish” Denise for withholding sex from him.

She resented him for expecting that she would be the sole caretaker for their children, and lost attraction for him as he increasingly retreated to online gaming late at night after the twins were asleep.

(…)

And yet, as they went to leave the end of their first session with the therapist, James turned to the provider and asked, point-blank, whether she thought that “the female Viagra” could help solve their woes.

This case study is one example of the issues plaguing perceptions of low sexual desire in women partnered with men.

That is, while James and Denise’s situation seems an obvious example of contextually-determined low desire, James ascribed the problem to a biological dysfunction in Denise’s body.

The idea that low desire rests in the individual reflects an essentialist view of sexuality that has been advanced by the medical field for decades and cogently critiqued. As such, James’ reaction is not particularly surprising or uncommon.

(…)

But why have essentialist, medicalized views of sexuality come to monopolize how people understand low sexual desire?

One argument is neoliberal—that locating the problem of low desire in individuals’ bodies has high financial stakes.

Naming low desire as an individualized biological dysfunction creates a demand for biological (i.e., medical) solutions; thus, pharmaceutical companies stand to gain by selling a “treatment.”

(…)

It reflects what has become a suspiciously common pattern in women’s relationships with men more broadly, where a woman’s sexual desire disappears and/or becomes “too low” and then is deemed a dysfunction within the woman.

This pattern is suspicious because the numbers of women reporting low desire are so high that they might be modal, if not ordinary; and, they are certainly too high to reflect individual pathologies within individual women’s bodies.

It is also suspicious because many women who report low sexual desire describe considerably similar interpersonal problems with their men partners.

Thus, while low desire is likely not an individual problem within Denise’ body, the issues and inequities it results from are also likely not an individual problem within James or the interpersonal dynamics of James’ and Denise’s specific relationship.

Instead, we turn to a structural level explanation: gender norms, following other foundational work.

(…)

Desire is often situated as low because of its relative status to a partner’s level of desire.

Interestingly, however, this is not a gender-neutral process and the bound is often set with the man partner as reference point.

Accordingly, when a woman experiences lower desire than a man partner, her desire is often labeled low.

In the converse situation, however, men are still the referent: in the case of a man reporting lower desire than a woman partner, the woman’s desire is labeled too high (e.g., they are labeled insatiable or “sluts” in negative ways), rather than the man’s desire being labeled too low.

This highlights the gendered subjectivity inherent to conceptualizations of low desire, where low desire is most often seen as residing not just in bodies, but in women’s bodies relative to men’s desires.

(…)

In Prediction 2.1, heteronormativity’s inequitable casting of women into a caregiver-mother role to men partners contributes to the women’s lower desire.

While heteronormativity slots women into nurturant caregiving roles in general, this caregiving is also directed at men partners specifically.

Nurturance—warm, loving, and caring treatment—is a critical aspect of long-term and/or successful relationships, but one inequitably shared between women and men in relationships with each other.

Heteronormative asymmetries in caregiving can matter not only because they are inequitable, but because they translate into dependencies that contravene contemporary norms of relational interdependence.

Interdependent relationships involve a mutual ethic of care, with partners supporting each other simultaneously or sequentially, akin to a something like a mix of equals, friends, and sexual partners.

The gender inequities inherent to heteronormative framings of complementarity violate norms of relational interdependence, transforming expectations of a partner–partner relationship into something closer to one that is caregiver-dependent or mother–child.

Women end up doing many of the same things for their men partners as mothers do for their children, e.g., reminding them of chores, organizing social events (or playdates), buying clothes, ensuring there is food for snacks and meals and that these are made available.

Additionally, women often take on tasks for their husbands or other men partners that were originally performed by the men’s mothers, perhaps an implicitly-held leftover from more historical understandings of marriage.

(…)

In Prediction 3.1, the heteronormative push for women to focus on their appearance, especially during and in reference to sexual activity, contributes to their low desire.

Heteronormativity focuses on women’s sexual appearance over their pleasure, socializing women to be sexy rather than sexual.

It positions women as sexual objects for men partners, and women’s bodies as offerings gifted to men for sex as part of a relationship contract.

This can result in sexual objectification.

The internalization of this objectification—sexual self-objectification—means that women’s desire is often contingent upon whether they think they are desirable.

(…)

Penetrative intercourse is painted as the only version of “real sex” within heteronormativity, but women have a low likelihood of experiencing orgasm (a highly pleasurable experience) with penetrative intercourse.

Heteronormativity means that, though women may want to be sexual, even with men partners, they are often taught that they can’t be in the ways that are more likely to feel pleasurable for them.

This ongoing separation between experiences of desire and sexual pleasure may dampen desire because it is not reinforced or followed up by sexual activity that actually leads to sexual pleasure.

In Prediction 4.3, seeing sex as a duty to perform with men will contribute to lower desire in women.

Some women have sex they want, and some women have sex that their men partners want and that the women are open to.

But a number of women (and almost no men) have reported in a nationally representative survey that they engaged with sex because it was part of their job, a duty or obligation of being married, which is a heteronormative hallmark.

“Duty sex” is not very sexy, and people—including men—report losing sexual interest in this situation, as occurred in our case study above.

(…)

Moreover, that low desire is seen as a medical and health issue could make for a circular association between it and chronic stress.

Women come to know their desire as “too low” and report feeling like failures as women and partners, making for an iatrogenic source of chronic stress.

Locating the “problem” of low desire in women’s bodies and minds ultimately places the responsibility for it on women, arguably a form of gaslighting when the problem exists outside women and will not be fixed with individual effort.

This can exacerbate women’s stress, by placing yet another responsibility on their shoulders but one that is impossible: to fix their desire problem by fixing themselves, when they are not the problem."

[evenmorefatallyobsessed]

Prof. Schnee AU Concept

To be clear this isn't the only Au/ comic I'll put the model in but it is the one that comes to mind for me most often.

All of team RWBY are born into the previous generation. Weiss along with her brother Whitley secured and manage the SDC. Though in truth Whitley takes care of most of the actual work. Though she was far from dull she did have to admit that Whitley was solely groomed to manage the company while her time was decided between it and her combat training.

Weiss herself still had power and plenty of a say but her Huntress duties took priority... And obligations as a teacher as well, yes. She was a instructor at Beacon. Helping to groom the next generation into respectable Hunters.

Mostly she was pleaded into it by her partner Ruby but still she took her job seriously.

Which was more then she could say for the rest of her team! All three of them off gallivanting across Remnant taking missions. Honestly sometimes they could be such a headache. But she supposed Ozpin had sent them all on those missions...

Regardless she was determined to perform no less admirably this year then any other. And considering that Pyrrha Nikos would be entering this year she believed it would be a very worthwhile year given her skill.

But there was always room for surprises like miss Valkyrie, who was frankly a Yang level ridiculous powerhouse.

Yes, this year would've been a valuable one even if those were the only two of note... But they weren't. No, the third would be...

"Please Go Out With Me!"

Would be Jaune Arc, a paradoxically lacking student and yet one worth her admiration. He was a special case like Blake had been according to Ozpin. A boy who secured counterfeit transcripts to earn a chance to try out Initiation. Though whereas her teams resident Faunus had been a member of the White Fang mister Arc had been a civilian out in one of Remnant's frontier villages. A simple boy with some dreams of heroics and knighthood.

He was actually like her partner Ruby in several ways but with a father who denied his dreams instead of supporting them like Ruby had... That, that was something she could relate to, could sympathize with and it was not all.

He wanted to live up to his family's name, to bring honor to it, to be anything to stop being the one to be protected but to protect others Instead. He was many things, foolish, naïve and certainly stubborn… But he was brave. What else could you call a boy who entered the Emerald Forest prepared to face monsters but courageous.

Jaune Arc had a long way to go, had a tough road ahead of him, if she’d thought catching Ruby up on their studies back in the day was hard this would be a true trial. But, but she wanted him to succeed, she wasn’t the same girl she’d been back in the day, who viewed people so callously, so superficially. She saw how much Jaune wanted this, how willing he was to put his life on the line for complete strangers as he fought the Death Stalker.

Apparently he wasn’t the most studious student but she never had issues, he may have lacked proper knowledge of Dust in her class but he was always quick to learn and put in the effort. Offering to help however he could.

Then he was being bullied, and then he stopped it, she knew how, she saw the recordings, saw Winchester Threaten him with blackmail. Saw her student being used like a lackey and distant from his team… And then she saw him refuse to follow Cardin’s order when it affected someone else. And then witnessed him save said tormentor when his teammates had ran.

Jaune Arc just like her partner embodied what it meant to be a Huntsman, he just needed some help on the way… And then he asked her out.

Flustered, nervous, clearly embarrassed, it was a sight she wasn’t used to, every man and woman who courted her had done so with annoying confidence in their status or family ties, had saw her as a particularly beneficial tool to use or trophy to own or worst of all… A knot on the metaphorical belt.

But Jaune, despite the way he entered Beacon was a rather earnest man, which was why she would do this in the kindest but also most direct way possible. Because she remembered being rejected as well. And wanted him to suffer as little as possible.

"Jaune, I'm your teacher..." He looked sad but accepting.

"R-right... I'm sorry I know it was wrong t-"

"That's why I don't want you going around and telling anyone." She blinked that the words she said it seeming to finally catch up with her brain her... Wait? That wasn't what she was supposed to say! Jaune seemed to be under the same impression as her thoughts as he spoke with a  dumbfounded look on his precious youthful face.

"Really!" Yes Really!? What was she doing accepting his confession, but once more before her conscious could interrupt she parted her lips again.

"Though it isn't against the rules that Beacon upholds it is heavily frowned upon Jaune." Damn her for studying said rules! No! Stop Looking At His Absolutely Beamimg Smile This Instant! Just Because He's A Cute Boy Doesn't Mean We Could Throw Caution To The Wind.

Honestly she couldn't believe she said yes... Moreso that she felt so, so damn giddy about it! Like she was a girl back in her Beacon Days in her first relationship... Okay so technically she was a girl/ woman at Beacon and this was her first relationship but that was beside the point...

She was his teacher and this was... Well, no it wasn't illegal given that Jaune upon passing Initiation was by all legal means a adult under Remnant's Huntsman regulations... But it was still unprofessional! She'd never do anything others could bring into question... Anymore.

Like going out and taking on International criminals, known terrorists cells and preforming vigilante activities while a student.

But all that was besides the point and in the past! She wouldn't play with this boy's heart! She'd do the proper thing and brea-

"Jaune, I hope you understand that I'm not some trollope to be played with I expect you to take this seriously." NO!!! She Did Not Mean That! Shut Up Subconscious!

And oh dear now he was shooting her a very determined, gaze that made her heart skip a beat.

"Of course not! I'm serious about you miss Schnee!" Oh dear he was closing the distance, and being so assertive... Was, was he always so tall...

[asciidot]

anymore angel vox? :3 how does he interact with other characters! /nf!

i am currently in Sketch Hell as i would describe it so ill be reblogging later when i can Draw but. Ramble under the cut

Firstoff i made the design because of a handful of fics which i read and stupidly forgot to save . Namely the one where he died for alastor, angelic interference, and the one where they made a fuckup on the books. (Ill get back when i find their names) . I just wanted to make the design for the sake of it and try to make his looks fit heaven and also my interpretation of vox, so hes intended to look almost like a character youd see on an old tv show but a bit more suave. I also wanted a space age head because i mean thats The Period of innovation and while there were certainly similar designs while he was alive its more symbolic of progress than actual progress. Then my brain started doing its thing and when i start thinking about anything for more than five seconds i get a bunch of pins and red string and become a full blown theorist who needs to connect everything to worldbuilding or ill die

so. I started a fic and if you find it you find it :]

ANYWAY! CLAPS MY HANDS

my angel vox.

Point the first! this isnt a vox goes straight to heaven, its canon divergence. Vox dies, goes to hell, and at the peak of his messy hell career he dies again and goes to heaven. Vox is not redeemed.

2. Vox is powerless. Heaven equalises people. It has rules, a lot of rules, and these are sown straight into their reality which cant be broken. He does however have free will and a silver tongue.

3. I think vox and sera would get along surprisingly well when it came to it. Sera is a 'tough love' sort of character, and does believe shes doing good in spite of it all, and is willing to do lesser evils. Vox cares about nothing but numbers and outcomes. This means that if they share a goal a lot of their approaches would also be shared, and i think theyd be fond of that.

4. Vox despises heaven. Just the fundamental concept of it. He does enjoy a struggle and he does enjoy pain, thats the point of being alive to him. Or well. dead. Its an uphill battle but its his uphill battle to fight. Also he just needs something to keep him occupied at all given times or he might just snap #adhd

4a. He also hates the residents, mostly because of very well earned trust issues how its not fun to talk to any of them. They just say whatever theyre thinking, no song and dance, no fine print, and vox loves fine print and searching for hidden meanings.

5. Emily is nice and almost tolerable but he would absolutely throw her off a bridge if it benefited him without second thought. He hates how much of a bleeding heart she is, but that seems to be a trait of everyone up there

6. Vox's relationship with himself is a complex mess. It always has been and heaven made it worse. Not only did it revert his body to how it was when he first fell but Angel Edition, hes barely mechanical anymore- and while being a good part machine was all part of hells punishment at the start for various psyche reasons (as well as how inconvenient it was) he had grown to worship and love his inorganic nature, and how much better it was than his faulty body . I have headcanons about that but that falls under spoiler territory for Said Fic. But heaven handing him back his flesh and blood is a massive massive violation of his boundaries and the moment he stops and actually starts thinking about what the hell has happened hes gonna break

7. The vees think vox is dead dead. Angel!vox would... have a strained relationship if he were to meet like that. On one hand, hes vox! Their vox! But like this he can't be his usual overlord self and while he trusts them enough to view them as friends, he wouldn't be able to face them as partners like this; business or otherwise. Hes horribly powerless and they need him on his A game.

8. Alastor (angel!vox punches the ground and eats drywall)

[razorblade180]

Sorry to ask but what’s the dating per nationa arrangement

Oh no worries. It’s been a minute since I’ve actually discussed this again so might as well explain the lore that too many genshin fans know me for lol.

Basically, I’m a multishipper but I also like consistency and have never enjoyed harem dynamics cause they generally feel one note and shallow; so a made headcanon around a polyamorous relationship. Naturally, polycules have foundations and rules, and I had way too much time on my hands one day as well as a hyper-fixation on the idea.

To make the beginning brief, Aether and Amber date and in. The beginning, Aether had concerns about how things would turn out considering he’s constantly on a journey and would feel guilty not spending enough time with Amber. That’s when she tells him open relationships are fairly common in Teyvat; especially in Mondstadt. Thus began a long discussion between the two of them on how it should be set up.

Two people per nation. That’s how many partners he can pursue. Doesn’t matter if they’re a boy or girl. Two hands for two people

Full Transparency. If he does happen to get close with someone, he has to let them know about the dynamic. Aether also keeps everyone up to date but that’s just him having good manners more than anything else.

If Aether does decide to date two people, the first person he dates in that nation has to be okay with the second person before he tries making things official. For example, he is involved with Kokomi and Ayaka. Kokomi had to be okay him trying to date Ayaka.

Partners are fully allowed to have their own relationships separate from the polycule with whoever they want. No need to ask him about it.

Common decency and respect. This is primarily saying if Aether is on a date with someone, then nobody should do something like show up intentionally or try to purposely plan time together with the intent of monopolizing his time

It’s perfectly fine for the partner to discuss any issues they might have in the future or even decide to leave if they want to pursue other things. No hard feelings.

Those are like the major pillars of the open relationship with other rules being important but not immediately brought up

Aether’s Room is off limits. That’s his space to decompress, collect his thoughts, and sleep. Literally all his friends have residency in the Teapot. It’s not difficult to stay out of one room.

Not a rule but it’s unlikely people from different nations plan an outing together, mainly because that person might have their own significant other and they want to respect their boundaries as well.

If a partner wants to spend time with their significant other and Aether at the same time, they can. That’s an internal dynamic between the three of them that they have to sort out. For example, If Mona wants to go to dinner with Scaramouche and Aether, nothing is stopping her except maybe Scaramouche.

This one isn’t necessarily a rule but Aether tries not to discuss much about one relationship with another. He’s also prone to greeting everyone generally if more than two are in the same room, then goes on about his business cause he’s a little awkward. This trait is not shared with the others lol. They have no problem gossiping about him lightheartedly and asking questions.

That’s more or less The Agreement. Luckily for Aether, he met Yanfei and she has it writing somewhere. If any unexpected events happen in the future, they can all revisit it and adjust accordingly. This post is already getting a little long but maybe I’ll do a follow up naming who is with who.

[wisecrackingeric-2]

So as MOST of you could PROBABLY TELL- this account on December 17th in the afternoon randomly got obliterated. Like totally deleted- it didn’t exist, nobody could view it, I couldn’t log in, etcetera etcetera-

So what the hell happened????????? I don’t know!!!!!!!!

EDIT: just before finishing this tumblr came back to me with an automatic email saying, ‘It Looks as though this issue has already been resolved’. That’s it. No reasoning as to why it was deleted, no apology etcetera.

I’ve never violated any Tumblr community guidelines before, nor have I ever gotten any warnings, and I’ve never posted NSFW, Gore, or any kind of content that could get me banned, so it absolutely wasn’t that!!! My account quite literally vanished without warning- not even a single email or warning message from Staff!!!!!

Apparently it’s a PREEEEEETTTY COMMON GLITCH for peoples accounts to just,,,,,, be deleted totally randomly. With no warning. Out of the blue. And then for Tumblr to come back two-three days later like ‘Whoopsies!!! UwU we’re sowwy we dowwnt know wwhy dat happened!! ÓwÒ-“ Hell it even happened to my partner a few months ago, and if you go searching you can find accounts STILL dealing with this issue!!!!!!

The only other explanation I can think of is that my account was mass reported- by who?????? I’d have no clue!!!!!!!! Recently I was pretty vocal about general racism in the Resident Evil Community, so that’s really the only thing I could think of- but even then, I got no warnings, no emails from tumblr, etc etc, so I HIIIIIIIIIIIGHLY DOUBT IT, and besides if this WAS the case I’m not sure why I would be the only person targeted!!!! So again I don’t think that’s the case!!!

So what did I do to get my account back??? No idea!!!!!!!!

Right after my account was suspended, I sent an email to Tumblr Support on both of my emails- they sent an automatic ticket back and…… nothing. And as of writing this I STILL have gotten nothing. No explanation, no apology, no reasoning behind my account being terminated, etc etc etc

In those three days I made a temporary alt account (which I’m currently trying to figure out how to delete permanently HXNEHENEHEN @evilwisecrackingeric , but that account got Shadowbanned by staff after a day- meaning my blog wouldn’t show up on people’s dash’s, I couldn’t tag people, reply to comments, message anybody etc etc!!!! So I made a second sideblog (@ericseviltwin) on that account- BOOM SHADOWBANNED TOO!!!!!!! I made a THIRD SIDEBLOG- BOOM. SHADOWBANNED (@ericisabouttoexplode. Very fitting names I know) I was most likely shadowbanned cuz Tumblr thought I was a bot after messaging too many people at once, but it as still annoying to deal with!!!!!!

And again, as of me writing this, tumblr STILL has not come back to ANY of my emails three days later!!!!!!!!!! So until I get a response (IF I get a response) I’ll have no idea why I was terminated or why they brought me back so suddenly!!!!!!

So what now????????? Well for the time being I’m probably just gonna lay low. I still HIGHLY DOUBT IT but if this WAS some kind of cyberattack I’d rather not risk it- and besides, I don’t want to risk this account getting shadowbanned too or god forbid getting deleted AGAIN, so it’s probably best for now to keep my activity to a minimum

If there’s any lesson to learn from this PLEEEEEEEEAAAAASEEEE BACK UP YOUR BLOGS. I was DEVASTATED when this acc got deleted- I have millions of conversations with friends, my entire art journey, photos of pets that have passed away etc etc on here and to say I was upset would be an understatement. What should YOU do if this happens to you????????? I have no clue. Unfortunately I just had to. Wait. And even then I STILL haven’t gotten an email back from Tumblr. So I don’t know man!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is apparently a pretty common glitch so back up everything important!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EDIT: just before pressing the post button tumblr JUST came back to me with this:

It linked me to their abuse/account violation page. Which…. Is very interesting

[pinkiedevv]

The Butler and the MOD Ch. 2

Previous: Ch. 1

And so my tumblr posting of my Harry Potter/Alfred Pennyworth ship continues~

Word Count: 2,275

-------

In the past few days, Harry had spent far too much time attempting to determine how to woo Mr. Pennyworth without referring to it as wooing. A fruitless endeavor on his part, of course, since he was, ultimately, attempting to do exactly such. 

Regardless, the relevant issue was that he was familiar with using the internet, although perhaps not as efficiently as a modern citizen may be, but the vast majority of the results he had found proved to be inapplicable - or unpalatable, at the very least - for his case. The fact of the matter was that courting seemed to have changed far more than he had anticipated in society. Admittedly, it had been several different worlds and timestreams since he’d last looked. No more was it common to see a man bringing over flowers, or opening doors, or buying trinkets and trifles that he believed his partner may fancy. No more were there formal dates where the pair dressed up and enjoyed the company of one another in a polite setting. Oh, of course when Harry said ‘no more,’ he meant not often rather than not at all, but it was still rather a disappointment to him. It seemed the more common practices now were far less focused on romancing, and they all seemed rather… lackluster to Harry. Did everyone go about believing they did not have to earn the interest of the object of their affections? Admittedly, the use of ‘dating sites’ made it a seemingly simple task to find a person who was as interested in you as you were in them, but it seemed so… clinical. Where was the risk? The effort? The breathlessness at the possibility of the ultimate reward: your love being accepted and returned in equal if not greater measure.

There was hope, however. Mr. Pennyworth was an older gentleman, and, from the crisp suits he always wore to the café, he seemed to be one to appreciate the finer things in life. Perhaps he too would enjoy a more… antiquated form of courtship. 

It was likely that Harry had read one too many books from the Black Library during his extended stint as a hermit in his first world, but he’d grown secretly enamored with the courtship rituals described within the texts. 

The more he considered it, the stronger Harry’s resolve became. Indeed, if he truly believed Mr. Pennyworth was the one for him - and he undeniably did, a shockingly large amount, considering - then it should hold true that the man would hold favor for Harry pursuing him with the utmost sincerity and truth to himself.

–

Alfred did not have many activities outside of the Wayne mansion that the family was not aware of. So much so that he could only name two such affairs that he routinely partook in. 

The first was related to his gardening, a hobby of his that the Waynes were well-acquainted with. After all, there was a reason the mansion only had a seasonal gardener to trim the hedges. 

What the family was not aware of was his proclivity to invent new flowers of his own. Oh, they most certainly observed the fruits of his labor, but none of the brood had enough knowledge of harmless plants to take note of their peculiarities. 

For the longest time, Alfred had simply enjoyed taking a quiet pleasure in his unique creations, watching each new variant bloom forth from the soil and unfurl its petals to reveal their remarkable, peerless existence to the world. It was not until his most prized creation - which he privately referred to as the Pennyworth Blue - that he considered sharing his exploits with others. 

Sparing the details, that singular thought eventually led him to one of his non-Wayne-informed activities: donating his rich blue rose blooms to Ms. Calindra’s flower shop. Oh, she had attempted on multiple occasions to insist upon paying him for his flowers, but he firmly refused each time; he certainly made more than enough as the proud butler of the Wayne residence. Truthfully, it was payment enough for him to see others admire the unique blooms. It was a secret enjoyment that only Ms. Calindra herself was aware of him partaking in.

Alfred wasn’t ashamed of his talent, of course, nor did he have any ill intentions in his subterfuge. Simply, Master Bruce tended to be… excitable, at times, when it came to displaying his appreciation. His sons too had largely taken to doing the same, no matter how much they may try to deny it.

All of this to say, Alfred was content with his quiet, weekly visits to Ms. Calindra’s flower shop to impart his Pennyworth Blues along with the occasional other fascinatingly unique bloom he stumbled upon creating, and he was content in the knowledge that his family of employment had enough respect for him to not pry into his private affairs.

Which, of course, led to the second establishment he often paid visit to. For here, the Waynes were well aware he went some place to attain his goods; they simply did not know the name of the store itself. 

A store which Alfred found himself visiting far more often than usual as of recent due to a new… addition to the shop. 

To clarify, for the past month that Alfred had been to Latrice’s Café to pick up his teas and the family’s - largely Master Tim’s - coffees, he hadn’t been able to help but notice a man.

The dark-haired stranger seemed to have created a designated spot for himself in the corner of the quaint shop, facing towards both the register and the entrance to the café. His hands seemed to be perpetually clutched around a cup of tea - of what kind, Alfred couldn’t help but wonder - and for all but one occasion - in which he wore a finely knitted, forest green sweater - the man had on a suit so dark in pitch that Alfred had felt hesitant to do it the disservice of referring to it as simply ‘black.’ 

As much as Alfred could go on to describe the minute, fine details of the man that quietly stood out from the norm, there was but a single feature that truly captured his grasp and had yet to release him from its clutches: 

The eyes.

The first thought Alfred had upon having seen them was a blunt, ‘unnatural.’ 

It was not a condemnation, however. Not in the slightest. Nor was it anything that could even tangentially imply distaste or, worse yet, disgust. It was simply a fact of the matter, one made up in two parts. The easier of the two to recognize was the hue of the man’s emerald irises; the color itself was rare but not utterly improbable, of course, but the rich shade in particular was an anomaly that Alfred had never seen nor heard of before. 

This alone may have kept his attention on the man, at least long enough to make note in the Cave in case it was ever of any importance, but it was the second aspect that truly seized his regard. 

Because the man’s eyes were so very old. 

There was nothing factual that Alfred could express to describe how he came to this determination, but every instance in which he saw the man during his unfortunately brief visits at the café only served to solidify this perspective of his. 

This wasn’t to imply that the man had ‘seen things,’ for all that Alfred was well aware of how trauma could indeed age a person far beyond their years. As much as it pained his weary heart, Alfred was well acquainted with eyes that held more than their soul’s years ought to. 

This was not the case for the man in the café. At least, not the case alone.

For all that the stranger appeared not a day over twenty-five, he had eyes more ancient than Alfred’s own.

However, despite Alfred’s admittedly growing fascination, he made no attempt to approach the man, and he had no such plans to do so.

Which made it all the more surprising when he found himself approached by the very subject of his inexorably growing interest instead. 

-

Harry chewed anxiously against the inside of his lip, an unfortunate habit he had thought he’d gotten rid of several decades ago. His hands fidgeted around the wrapped stems held in his clutches, which bloomed upwards with a mixture of soft pink oleanders and an entrancingly blue shade of rose. He’d chosen the former to signify beauty and grace, which he hoped they still meant, and he’d chosen the latter both because roses were a classic romantic flower on top of the fact that the royal blue shade of them had simply… strangely reminded him of Mr. Pennyworth.

He was hovering around the corner for his admiree to appear, as the man usually came in on Tuesdays and Fridays, the former of which today was. Harry thought it would seem far too stilted to be caught waiting inside the café itself with his bouquet of flowers, so here he remained instead. 

He was not kept waiting long, and his heart jumped in his chest as the gentleman stepped neatly out from the driver’s door of a black convertible, looking as charmingly put together as always. 

Hurrying forth so as to catch Mr. Pennyworth before he entered the shop, Harry could only hope he didn’t look as youthfully desperate as he suddenly felt he must, with his smooth, porcelain skin and thick, dark locks of hair that refused to stay in place even after all his years. Such a contrast to Mr. Pennyworth’s refined lines and smoothed back, sterling hair. 

“Ah - sir!” Harry called, managing to keep his steps even instead of rushing as he felt he ought to by only the thinnest hairsbreadth of a margin. 

Mr. Pennyworth turned towards him from where he’d been reaching for the café's door, quiet surprise splashed across his handsome features. As enviously quick to compose himself as ever, the gentleman blinked, hands gently clasping together in front of himself even as his eyes flickered curiously from Harry’s bouquet and back to meet his gaze. “May I be of assistance?” he questioned calmly, gesturing towards the door as if to hold it open for Harry’s entrance.

Harry shook his head in negation to the offer, and - careful not to thrust them forth instead - he delicately extended the bouquet in his clutches towards the man he had found himself enchanted by since he had first laid eyes upon him, taking a final step forth to close the gap between them. 

Mr. Pennyworth blinked bemusedly at the lush flowers, his gaze seeming to latch firmly onto the entrancingly blue roses for a moment too long, and he tilted his head near imperceptibly as he glanced up to Harry in wordless question. 

“I -” Harry paused, calming himself as best he could and letting a soft, shy yet genuine smile part his lips.  “I would greatly appreciate your assistance, Mr. Pennyworth,” Harry quietly replied, finally answering the gentleman’s question from before and gently pushing the bouquet to the man’s firm chest. “I would be most honored if you would accept this gift from my tired hands,” he divulged with only the slightest trace of mischievousness of which he used to hide his trepidation.

Mr. Pennyworth’s hands came up to grasp the bouquet seemingly on instinct, largely subduing Harry’s worries, and the gentleman’s eyes seemed the smallest bit wider than before. “... may I request to know the intention behind this gift, sir?” the recipient questioned, though there was an air about him as if he already knew but had yet to accept his own deduction. 

It was only then that Harry realized that he had made an utterly rude blunder and referred to the man by his name without having given his own, and he hurriedly introduced himself, preceding with, “Ah, my apologies, Mr. Pennyworth - I’d seen your name written down during one of your visits, but I’d forgotten to now give mine.” Here, he bowed slightly, one arm folding in front of him just below his chest while he rested the flat of the other against his back, dipping forth far enough to not seem shallow. “Harry Potter, at your service,” he belatedly greeted, then solidly replied, “and I have given you these flowers in the hopes that you will consider allowing me to court - to bring you on a date,” he swiftly corrected, willing away the blush that had no doubt risen to his cheeks. Oh, he most certainly wished to court Mr. Pennyworth, but he had realized that requesting a single date first would pose far less pressure on the man.

For several long, nerve-rending moments, Mr. Pennyworth did not reply. Instead, he stared into Harry’s eyes with an intensity that divulged his sharp intellect, and Harry could only hope he held up to muster.

Finally, Mr. Pennyworth’s grip on the bouquet shifted to hold them more firmly in his grasp, the stems tucked beneath the crook of his elbow while the flowers themselves were gently cradled against his shoulder. 

“I’m afraid I cannot accept at the moment,” - Harry’s heart plummeted - “but I simply do not know you well enough to say otherwise,” Mr. Pennyworth finished, and Harry’s heart tentatively lifted, a swell of hope rising within his breast. The gentleman gifted him with a slight - yet no less warm - smile, and inquired, “May I join you for tea today, Mister Potter?”

---------

hehehhehheheh

[cryptidsurveys]

Wednesday, October 23rd, 2024.

What’s something you used to believe in that you don’t anymore? Certain conspiracy theories. I used to be pretty deep down the rabbit hole. A true tinfoil hat wearin' nutjob. I think it started with getting into lucid dreaming and things just spiraled out of control from there. I'm sure there were kernels of truth in some of the things I looked into, but other things were so outlandish and unsubstantiated. It's like I'm just smart enough to recognize a potential pattern, but not smart enough to realize when that pattern has left reality behind for crazy land.

What’s your favorite dinosaur? I don't have one. I do like learning about them, though.

Do you believe in reincarnation? If so, what would you like to be reincarnated as? I'll tell you in my next life. :') But in all seriousness - I think my body will be broken down and reabsorbed into other things; if you want to consider that a type of reincarnation, then sure. But if we're talking about coming back as a fully formed human or critter with all my past karma, etc, then no, I don't think I believe in that. I'm not even sure I believe in any sort of afterlife. I think death is death and that's it. You just don't exist anymore. A bleak thought, maybe, but I think the idea of being "eternal" scares me even more.

What are three scents that you like? Autumnal spices, pine forests in the rain, and coffee shops.

Do you ever use the grounding technique 54321? I've used it a few times. My therapist taught it to me during our first few sessions together.

Where would you relocate if you were forced to leave your place of residence? Realistically, somewhere within the same city. We'd probably rent a house, hopefully a pet-friendly one because we have three kitties. Ideally, though, somewhere like Rye or Beulah. Out in the mountains but close enough to this city that my life could stay intact (volunteering, therapy, grocery shopping, visits with mom…).

What smells better… fresh baked bread or fresh brewed coffee? Oh, both are wonderful, but probably coffee.

Have you ever met a president? Like the president of a country? No. But like a board president at the animal shelter? Possibly…? When I'm there, I live by this rule - be hospitable to everyone you meet, lest they be board members in disguise. ;D

Has anyone ever given you a gag gift? No.

Do you find smoking unattractive? I might find it attractive in modeling photos and the like, but when it comes to everyday people, I'm mostly indifferent. If anything, as a smoker myself, seeing someone else smoking just makes me crave a cigarette too.

Do you think flirting is cheating? I wouldn't consider it cheating, but I wouldn't feel comfortable with my partner flirting with other people.

Have you ever liked someone who had a girl/boyfriend? Yeah. I've had an ex-partner move on to another relationship while I still had feelings for them, and I've been in one polyamorous relationship (and I know now that is not the dynamic for me; I much prefer to be monogamous).

Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you? I would like to say that's an absolute no, but…I just don't know. So much would depend on the circumstances.

What's a word that starts with the third letter of your first name? Literary.

How many wives or husbands do you want? One.

What's your favorite color gummy bear? Red or orange.

What's the last movie you saw in the theater? I saw Wild Robot a few weeks ago.

What color is your iPod? I don't have an iPod. I did have an mp3 player at one point, though, and it was black.

What’s a quality that your sister has that you absolutely can’t stand? Explosive and belligerent anger.

Have you ever dated a smoker? If not, would you? I have and I would. Maybe that answer would change if I quit smoking, but I'm fine with it for now.

Do you share a middle name with any of your siblings? I don't.

Name one of your psycho exes? I don't have any psycho exes. Sure, they had their issues (don't we all...), but I'M probably the psycho ex. :')

Have you ever been drunk at work? No.

Have you ever taken a pregnancy test? No.

How many bananas have you ever eaten in a row? I don't think I've ever eaten more than one in a row, but over the course of a day, maybe two…?

Do you have a protective father? He's protective, but not overly protective.

Have you ever had to choose between two people? That's what it feels like with the most recent family drama. Thankfully, no one is outright asking me to choose.

The last thing you remember dreaming about: Oddly enough, it was a dream about having to choose between two people. Nick and Michael, two of my ex-partners. I felt kind of guilty and confused and afraid of making a choice in case I regretted it.

The last place you went: I went to Chili's for lunch with my mom.

The last time you held a baby: I have no idea.

What’s the scariest video game you’ve ever played? I've never found a video game to be scary.

If you had the chance to slip through a portal, despite being unaware of any of the effects and/or consequences, would you do it? Nooo. That's one of my worst irrational fears.

When someone copies you, are you more flattered or annoyed? If they were picking up some of my mannerisms, then I think I would be flattered. Like hey, I'm cool enough to be copied - even if it might be only subconsciously. :') I can imagine other scenarios in which it would be frustrating or downright creepy, though.

Which is worse: Stale chips or flat soda? Ehh. Both are somewhat unpleasant but still tolerable to me. I guess if the chips were really stale, then I would say those are worse.

What health problems do you have? Migraines, fatigue, mental health issues.

Have you ever had an anaphylactic reaction to anything? No.

Do you have sensitive skin? Not really.

What would you name a baby boy? I have no idea.

What would you name a baby girl? Same.

Do people's rude comments bother you for a long time? Sometimes they do and sometimes they don't.

Name three things you find boring. Finance bro channels, the idea of staying in a hotel (I loved it when I was younger, but it would be so tedious to me now), and lengthy road trips once I've run out of distractions.

What excites you? Thunderstorms, randomly chaotic days at the shelter, upbeat and energetic music.

Would you send your kids to Sunday school? I don't want children, but hypothetically speaking, no. Not unless they wanted to go; then I wouldn't stop them.

What is the most interesting biography you have read? I haven't read many biographies…maybe just ones for Anne Frank and Hellen Keller. I do like listening to biographical historical videos, though. They're just interesting enough to keep my mind engaged and distracted while being boring and predictable enough to lull me to sleep.

Do you think your life story would make a good book someday? Naw.

Do you buy art for your walls? I bought a misty mountain tapestry for the wall behind my bed. I have a few other things on my walls as well, but nothing like "art pieces."

Would you ever decorate a room with a travel theme? No.

What insects do you think are pretty? Butterflies, moths, dragonflies, certain spiders (even if they can also be a bit unnerving).

Do you love God? Yes.

Is there an ice cream flavor that you strongly dislike? Which one? I'm not a huge fan of plain vanilla ice cream, but there aren't any flavors (that I've tried) that I strongly dislike.

Do you own any books with an image of a cat on the front cover? Yeah.

Does anything you own have an image of a bird on it? Yeah.

Does anyone you know own a spaniel? How about an Irish setter? No.

[callmebrycelee]

9-1-1 REACTION

Another week, another episode of the Gay Firefighter Show! In this week’s reaction, I will be talking about the season 7, seventh episode “Ghost of a Second Chance” which originally aired on May 9, 2024. The episode was written by Taylor Wong and James Wong and directed by James Wong. Before we begin, let me warn you this reaction will contain a copious amount of spoilers. Without a further ado, let’s talk about the episode!

We begin the episode with a 911 call. Our resident dispatcher Maddie Buckley, now Maddie Buckley-Han, speaks with a woman named Catherine Morris (played by Lily Cardone) who is riding passenger with the man who abducted her and her baby., Chloe. Maddie is discreet and extract a lot of details using coded language. Josh is able to identify Catherine’s vehicle as well as her husband who has two felony assault charges on his record. Maddie tells Catherine to drive to the Sunset Regency Hotel and lets her know police will be waiting for her. There is a lengthy silence on the line until the driver takes over the call. Maddie commands him to pull the car over. There’s a crash and the line goes dead. 

Cue title card.

The 118 responds to the accident and finds the car on fire. Chimney goes to attend to the victims trapped inside but the car explodes blowing him backwards. Thankfully, Chimney is okay. He tells Hen that he saw movement inside the vehicle and commands Buck and Eddie to put out the fire. When the fire’s out, Hen goes to Catherine while Chimney checks out the driver who is missing from the vehicle. Athena arrives on the scene and asks Bobby about the baby. Bobby radios to Chimney and asks for a status report on the victims. Chimney reports that the driver is missing, and Catherine is burned badly, and they are prepping for her transport. Bobby asks about the baby and Buck reports the baby is gone as well. Bobby asks if he means the baby is deceased. Buck clarifies that the baby is not in the car. The baby’s car seat is empty. Officer Tejada (played by Manuel Rafael Lozano) finds a baby’s pacifier and shows it to Athena. He tells her that since the pacifier isn’t burnt, that means the driver got away with the baby prior to the car exploding. 

Over at the Wilsons, Hen, Karen, and Denny sit down to dinner. Mara (played by Askyler Bell) is asleep in her room because she is unable to sleep during the night. Hen is concerned about Mara’s sleeping habits and asks Karen if the therapist has any strategies to help her sleep at night. Karen says that Mara has to figure out how to trust them and that could take a while which means they need to be patient. Denny tells them both that Mara has a brother. Hen asks him to elaborate. Denny says that Mara has a baby brother named Tyson. Hen asks him if he knows where Tyson is. He tells her know and says that Mara doesn’t know where Tyson is either. 

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” – Marisol to Eddie Diaz

The next day, we see Eddie, Christopher, and Marisol (played by Edy Ganem) are out having ice cream I know the fandom has issues with the actress, but I really like the character of Marisol. I think she would make a good partner for someone who isn’t Eddie because Eddie, unfortunately, has issues he needs to address before he can even begin to entertain being in a relationship with anyone. Marisol is really getting along with Eddie and Christopher but as they go to leave, Eddie spots a woman inside a clothing store who looks an awful lot like his late-wife, Shannon. At first I thought this was a new actress who looked exactly like Devin Kelley. Turns out, this new character whose name is Kim is Devin Kelley playing a double role. The two make eye contact and there is a connection. Eddie snaps out of it and catches up with his son and Marisol. She asks if everything’s okay and he tells her he’s fine. Spoiler alert! Eddie is not fine. 

Meanwhile, Hen has a heart to heart with Mara and gets her to open up about a bit. Mara tells her that Denny’s nice and that she misses her baby brother Tyson. Hen asks her what happened to Tyson and Mara tells her they took him.

Athena and Detective Rick Romero (played by Danny Nucci) arrive at the call center, and they speak with Maddie about the Chloe Morris abduction case. Maddie asks if they’ve found Catherine’s husband. Detective Romero says they have found him. He’s in Alaska where he’s been working on an oil rig for the last three months. Maddie is confused by this because she was under the belief that Catherine and her baby were abducted by her husband. Athena informs Maddie that the husband is on his way back, but it may take some time for him to get there. Maddie wonders why Catherine told her that it was her husband who abducted her. Athena’s theory is that Catherine has a boyfriend, but they cannot ask Catherine because she’s in a medically induced coma. Detective Romero says that he would like to hear the 911 call. 

While listening to the call, Maddie gets up and leaves the room. Josh goes to check on her and she tells him he was right – he should have been the one to take the call. He tells her she handled the call perfectly, but Maddie tells him that she missed a key piece of information. Catherine never said that she was in the car with her husband. It was actually the driver who referred to Catherine as his wife. Maddie assumed it was Catherine’s husband in the car because Maddie was thinking about her own domestic abuse situation which involved her ex-husband, Doug. Maddie says she listened to him when she should’ve been listening to Catherine and now she’s wondering what other things she missed during the call. 

“What about what’s best for our daughter? Does that factor in? – Karen Wilson to Diedra

Hen and Karen invite Mara’s social worker, Diedra (played by Andi Chapman) over and take her to task about failing to mention that Mara has a little brother. Diedra insists she didn’t lie and says Tyson was placed in another household. This information was privileged which is why she never shared it with the Wilsons. Hen says that she thought the social worker’s job was to keep families together and asks Diedra why she separate siblings. Diedra tells Hen that Mara and Tyson are half-siblings. Tyson’s father is alive and has rights; therefore, he has custody of his son. Diedra says they are getting into murky waters. She explains that there’s an age gap between Mara and Tyson. Hen puts two and two together and realizes Mara’s mother had an affair with someone who is not Mara’s father and that affair resulted in Tyson. Tyson’s father didn’t know he had a son until after Mara’s parents died. Diedra tells them she would’ve liked to have kept the siblings together, but Tyson’s father wasn’t interested. Since he’s the biological father, he gets to decide what is best for Tyson. What about what’s best for Mara, Karen asks. Hen asks if there’s any chance Mara can see her baby brother. Diedra apologizes and says the system doesn’t always work the way she wish it would. Hen tells her she is the system. Diedra writes down the name of a Mommy and Me class she often recommends to the parents she works with and strongly insinuates Hen and Karen should go there. Hen thanks her for the tip.

Maddie heads over to the hospital and runs into a nurse named Amir (played by veteran actor Malcolm-Jamal Warner). She asks about Catherine and tells him she is the 911 operator who took her call.  She says she feels someone responsible for what happened, and Amir assures her the only one responsible for what happened to Catherine and her baby is the driver. Amir tells her that Catherine is young and happy and he believes she will survive. Maddie asks if he’s speaking from experience, and he says it sounds like she’s speaking from experience as well. Maddie tells Amir that her husband tried to kill her and then immediately wonders why she told him that information. Amir laughs and says he tends to bring out honesty in people. He figures it’s because of how he looks. It should be noted that Amir has burns on the left side of his face. His hands appear to be burned as well. She tells him that she used to be a nurse. She tells him she likes where she’s at right now and he says he’s happy where he’s at as well. Amir tells Maddie he has to make a run and asks her to watch Catherine while he’s away. Maddie asks him if he’s sure, she’s not family, and he says she’s close enough. When he leaves, Maddie goes in to see Catherine. She tells her she’s sorry and that she’s going to find her daughter and bring her home.

Eddie goes back to the store where he saw the Shannon lookalike. She sees him and asks if she can help him. Eddie is being awkward, so she asks him if he’s looking for anything specific. She invites him inside and takes him over to a candle display. She shows him a candle and asks him if he trusts her. She tells him to close his eyes and smell the candle. The scent triggers a memory of Eddie and Shannon at the beach.  She asks him if he’s shopping for a friend or for a girlfriend. He tells it’s just he and his son Christopher and that he’s a single dad, emphasis on the single. Shannon 2.0 picks out a keychain for Christopher that has the first initial of his name and tells Eddie it’s his turn to pick something out. He tells her his name is Edmundo, but most people call him Eddie. The Second Coming of Shannon tells him her name is Kim. She goes to ring up his purchases and as the scene ends we see Eddie holding a keychain in the shape of an ‘S’.

“She misses her brother so much and we thought maybe he misses her, too.” – Hen Wilson to Vincent and Juanita

Hen and Karen go to the Mommy and Me class Diedra recommended, and they see a couple playing with a little boy. The couple is Vincent and Juanita (played by Jason Graham and Kimberly Christian). Vincent is Tyson’s birth father. Hen introduces herself and Karen and tells the couple they are Mara’s foster parents. Vincent tells them that Tyson is at an age where he will most likely not remember who his mother is and that’s for the best. Karen says that she’s happy Tyson has such a loving family looking out for him but his sister Mara has been through hell bouncing from foster family to group home. Hen says it will be a gamechanger if Mara is able to reconnect with Tyson. 

 Over at the Buckley-Han residence, Maddie is busy listening to the 911 call. Chimney walks up to her and unintentionally scares her. This scene reminded me of the episode of Lone Star where Carlos is working a kidnapping case and TK sneaks up on him and scares him. Maddie is way too close to this case and Chimney is appropriately worried about her. However, I like that he doesn’t exactly discourage her. In fact, he is so supportive of her. He knows her history better than anyone, so he asks Maddie to tell her about her. When Maddie goes to talk about Catherine, he tells her he wants to hear about the passenger in the car meaning he wants Maddie to talk about her experience being abducted by her ex-husband Doug. Maddie thinks for a moment and says that the woman in the passenger seat of the car is scared that she’s going to die and as long as the car is moving she is safe. The woman in the passenger of the car will need a plan for when the car eventually stops. The woman in the passenger side of the car will need to speak in code because he is sitting right beside her. Maddie has a light bulb moment and listens to the call again. She hears the driver say something about a yellow nightie and Catherine responds to him saying she bought the yellow nightie weeks ago. Maddie realizes that at this point of the conversation, Catherine wasn’t speaking in code. She was reacting to what the driver said. Chimney says she sounds surprised because the driver shouldn’t know about the nightgown. Maddie says that he must’ve seen the yellow nightgown in the window but whose window did he see it in?

Detective Romero goes to Catherine house and looks in her bedroom. He locates the yellow nightgown referenced in the 911 call. He goes over to the window and sees that it’s in direct view of the house next door. Detective Romero goes to leave and when Athena asks him where he’s going, he tells her he’s following a hunch. Athena speaks with Catherine’s mother, Laura (played by Karla Droege). Athena gets a call from Detective Romero who tells her he’s across the street. He tells her to go into Catherine bedroom and look out the window. Athena sees him standing at the window in the house next door. Detective Romero says Catherine doesn’t have a boyfriend. Athena says she has a stalker. 

Meanwhile, Eddie is thinking about having sex with his dead wife while he’s mid-conversation with Marisol. Marisol catches him daydreaming and asks him where he just went. Eddie tells her he’s there with her. Marisol seems to accept his answer. We end the scene with Eddie looking longingly at a photo of he and Shannon. 

“What’s her number? I’m pretty good on the phone.” – Maddie Buckley to Athena Grant and Detective Rick Romero

Athena and Detective Romero go to see Maddie at dispatch. Athena tells Maddie they’ve identified Catherine’s abductor. His name is Kyle Dixon, and he was working as a handyman in the vacant unit across from where Catherine lives. Maddie asks them how they’re going to track Kyle down. Athena tells her they ran a background check, but everything shows that he is still a resident of Wisconsin. Maddie asks if he has any friends or relatives. Detective Romero says he has a sister back in Wisconsin. Maddie asks if they are planning on contacting her. Athena tells her that she and Detective Romero work best speaking face to face but Maddie is better at reading people over the phone.

Maddie calls Kyle’s sister, Cheryl (played by Kailena Mai). Cheryl tells Maddie she is the one who encouraged her brother to move to Los Angeles after losing his wife and baby. Maddie asks about when they passed. Cheryl tells her the wife and child didn’t die – they are hiding from Kyle. Kyle’s wife told him she was going to the park and instead went to the bank and cleared out their account. Kyle looked for them for a long time before finally moving on to Los Angeles. Cheryl asks Maddie if Kyle found them. Maddie tells her no but tells Cheryl she needs her help finding Kyle. She asks her about the last time she heard from her brother. 

We see Kyle Dixon at the park with Catherine’s baby. He gets a call from his sister but ignores it. He looks over at the baby and tells her they need to find a new mommy. Kyle sees a woman playing with her daughter. 

Athena asks Maddie if she’s heard anything about Kyle. Maddie tells that Cheryl tried calling him, but it went straight to voicemail. Maddie is able to get a location based off of a cell tower. Detective Romero says he couldn’t get a warrant to view Kyle’s credit card transactions. Josh suggests putting out an Amber Alert but Maddie worries that will set Kyle off. She remembers Cheryl’s story about Kyle’s ex-wife going to the park the day she ran from him. Athena asks if there’s a park near the cell tower. Maddie says Playa Park is near the cell tower. Detective Romero says he is near there and Athena says she will head there as well. Detective Romero arrives at the park but doesn’t see Kyle or Catherine’s baby. He does see a young girl who has gotten separated from his daughter. He calls Maddie and she sends out an alert to all law enforcement to be on the lookout for Kyle. 

Kyle is driving away with the baby in the backseat. He ends up getting hit by police cruiser. Officer Tejada gets out the vehicle to check on the passengers in the other car. Kyle reaches for his gun while Officer Tejada throws up. The 118 arrive on the scene. Buck and Chimney see Kyle get out of the vehicle and grab the baby. They tell him he should stay put so they can check on him, but Kyle tries to get away. Chimney hears Kyle call the baby ‘sweet pea’ which is something he heard the driver say to the baby on the 911 call. He figures out this is the same person who abducted Catherine. Kyle tosses the car seat and runs off. Buck tackles him to the ground and Athena cuffs him. I love seeing Buck and Athena work together. Like mother, like son. They find the mom who was abducted from the park in the trunk of the car. The day is saved and everyone involved will need a LOT of therapy.

Over at the hospital, Catherine is out of her coma, and she’s worried that her husband will hate her because their daughter is missing. Her mother tells her to stay strong. Detective Romero and Bobby arrive at the hospital with Catherine’s baby. Bobby looks really good holding a baby. When the nurse Amir sees Bobby, it’s like he’s seen a ghost. Catherine is happy to be reunited with her little one and Amir notices the name ‘Nash’ on the back of Bobby’s turnout gear. Detective Romero asks Amir if he knows Bobby and Amir tells him he doesn’t but he would like to. 

Hen and Karen get a visit from Juanita and Tyson. Hen asks about Vincent and Juanita says that he’s convinced that Tyson won’t remember Mara. Denny asks if they have company and Hen says it’s Mara who has company. When Mara sees Tyson, the two of them embrace. Cleary Tyson remembers his big sister.

“Make sure he doesn’t stay up all night playing video games.” – Eddie Diaz to Christopher Diaz

Eddie drops Christopher over at Buck’s place. Buck asks him when he’s meeting Marisol and Eddie tells him he’s meeting up with her in 30 minutes. Buck comments on his cologne and tells him he and Christopher won’t wait up for him. Eddie kisses Christopher goodbye and leaves the loft.

Chimney and Maddie toast to Catherine being reunited with her baby and spend time with their own baby.

In the last scene of the episode, Eddie meets up with someone who is definitely not Marisol. We see him on a date with Shannon’s doppelganger, Kim, at a fancy restaurant. The episode ends. 

So, I really liked this episode. The writers this season are doing an amazing job balancing the characters and the drama this season. This episode was light on Athena, Bobby, Chimney and Buck but we got to focus more on Maddie, Hen, and Eddie. Also, if memory serves, I believe this is the first time since season two we’ve seen Maddie team up with Athena. These are two characters we don’t get to see interact all that much and I love seeing them work together.

The theme of this season seems to be reckoning with one’s fears and insecurities. We saw Athena conquer her fear of being on a boat at the beginning of this season as well as confront her insecurities regarding her marriage with Bobby. Buck has come to terms with his sexuality, and we see him exploring a relationship with Tommy. Hen and Karen are trying fostering again after everything that happened with Mia seasons ago. Chimney was finally able to deal with his guilt and grief surrounding the death of his best friend Kevin. This episode it was Maddie’s turn to face her fears. Maddie is still dealing with the abuse she suffered at the hands of her ex-husband as well as his death at the hands of herself. I reckon the only two characters left are Eddie and Bobby and this episode gave us a preview as to what we will see play out over this season’s remaining episodes. 

Speaking of Eddie, I was very disappointed in his actions this episode. Eddie is usually postured as the more reserved of the Buddie friendship. He’s older than Buck and therefore more mature. However, he was acting so irresponsibly this episode. It’s one thing to be attracted to someone, especially someone who looks an awful lot like your late wife. However, it’s a whole different thing when you start showing up at their place of business and flirting with them and lying about your relationship status to them. I don’t blame Kim because she’s only working off the knowledge she has regarding Eddie. I get that sense she wouldn’t be entertaining the flirtation if she knew he was in a relationship. I also don’t like the lying. Buck and Eddie’s particular brand of friendship only works because both of them are 100% transparent with each other. Just a few episodes ago, we saw Buck feeling immense guilt because he hadn’t shared with Eddie his latest revelation regarding his sexuality as well as his dating Tommy. This episode, Eddie so easily lied to his best friend when he brought Christopher over. This is not going to end well. Poor Marisol. She doesn’t deserve this at all. 

Lastly, we see sprinklings of Bobby’s upcoming storyline at the end of this episode. When we were introduced to Amir, I had a feeling he might be someone who was involved in the apartment fire Bobby started back in Minnesota. The end of this episode pretty much confirms my suspicions. Amir tells Detective Romero he would like to meet Bobby, but I don’t think things are going to go well. Based on Amir’s conversation with Maddie, he is harboring a lot of anger regarding what happened to him, and he may be looking for revenge. Even though I love Bobby Nash, he will need to reckon with what he did. The others have forgiven him however we have yet to see any victims from that fire come forward. I hope this doesn’t drive Bobby back to drinking because he’s done so well over the years to maintain his sobriety. I’m not too worried about him because at least this time around he has Athena and Buck and the rest of the 118 at his side. I can’t wait to see what happens next with Bobby and Amir. Until next time …

[nocturnalswarehouse]

Chapter 30 - The Jarl's Gratitude

Fic Series: At Long Last

Pairing: Brynjolf x Female Dovahkiin|Dragonborn (Adranelle Rolaine)

Premise: Eight years after being declared the Dragonborn, and three years after Alduin is defeated, Adranelle (Adi) Rolaine finds herself back in Riften to help Brynjolf with the Thieves Guild's reputation.

Masterlist

Taglist: @thequeenofthewinter, @oblivions-dawn

Word count: 1, 279

A/N: Welcome to the final chapter! I have never been able to make it through a full novel-length fic, but thanks to support from friends and comments from readers, I had the motivation to finish the piece :) There will be a sequel coming, and I will work on it as much as possible with school happening, but I won't be posting it until the spring. For now, I'll be posting snippets here and there when I can be active in ask games and in general. I hope you enjoy this chapter :)

Despite being called in together, Jarl Laila addressed the thieves separately. Brynjolf was first, Laila granting him ownership to Riftweald Manor. “I understand that Mercer Frey is not the man we all thought. I thank you both for putting an end to his reign. Brynjolf, Riftweald is yours if you so wish. Anuriel will speak with you about the terms while I speak with your partner.”

“Thank you, my Jarl,” Brynjolf gave her a genuine smile and bowed his head before following the Bosmer into a separate room. 

“Adranelle Rolaine.” Jarl Laila smiled warmly as the half-Breton. Adi felt uncomfortable under the Jarl’s gaze, hearing her full name out loud for the first time. Even more so with Maven’s piercing glare directed at the half-Breton behind the Jarl. 

“How-”

“You’re the talk of the town lately,” Jarl Laila held up her hand, stopping Adi from speaking. “My steward has informed me that you’ve made quite an impression in the Rift; several of our citizens have expressed their admiration. Much like Mjoll, you’ve become a champion of our hold. Your willingness to help people with their difficulties and providing assistance for their needs has caused many to sing your praises. As the Jarl of Riften, I feel it is my duty to honour your selfless behaviour by honouring you with the title Thane of Riften.”

“I would be honoured to accept, my Jarl,” Adi showed gratitude, although felt unsure. The last thing she needed was another title that screamed ‘hero,’ but who was she to decline the Jarl?"

“Before I can present you with the title, there is but a single requirement you must fulfill,” Laila continued. “A Thane of Riften is required to maintain permanent residence within the city walls. My steward-”

“Sorry to interrupt, my Jarl,” Brynjolf took his place next to Adi once again, slinging an arm around her waist. “But that’s not an issue. Adi will be living with me.” 

“I am?” Adi looked up at the Nord, confused. Living together wasn’t something they had discussed quite yet, so his statement was quite a surprise.

“Only if you want to, lass,” he looked at her. When their eyes locked, Adi knew her answer right away. She would not turn him down when he had unadulterated love for her. 

“Of course I do,” she smiled. “That just caught me off guard.”

“Then it’s settled,” Jarl Laila pulled them back. “I officially bestow the title Thane of Riften on you.”

“Thank you.”

“I should be the one thanking you.” Jarl Laila shook her head. “You’ve solved more problems in the short time you’ve been here than anyone in my court has their entire careers. You’ve been a beacon of hope in these dark times for my people, and I will never forget it. Therefore, by my authority as Jarl, I pronounce you Thane of Riften and award you all the benefits befitting your station. Congratulations.” 

That comment made Maven sneer, and her eyes darken. That reaction alone caused Adi’s smile to grow. Not only was she receiving a Noble title, but Maven’s disgust towards the recognition Adi was getting made it worth accepting. 

“Your Housecarl, Iona, will meet you in Riftweald Manor. Please ensure you will have a room for her, should you choose to redecorate.” Jarl Laila dismissed the thieves. 

Hand-in-hand, they left Mistveil and made a beeline for Riftweald, Brynjolf handing Adi a key to their new home. Brynjolf told Adi that the process was easy. Anuriel had the paperwork in order and just needed him to sign it. He added Adi’s name right then and there. The Steward would hear about the Manor’s redesign by the end of the week. 

“My Thane, may I speak with you for a moment?” if it were any other voice, Adi would be baffled as to how word spread so quickly. However, Adi recognized it to be Maven. She was not keen on hearing what the Nord woman had to say to her. 

“I’ll meet you inside,” Adi told Bryn, squeezing his hand before approaching her mother. Brynjolf nodded and climbed up the ladder to the top floor entrance.

“What is it, Lady Maven?” she asked innocently. 

“I know who you are, and I’m aware you have found out who I am to you,” her tone was low, menacing. “If word of this were to spill to anyone other than yourself and Leo, I will not hesitate to remove you from this situation. We both know how quickly word spreads in this town.”

“Word spreads this quickly in any of the Hold’s towns,” Adi shrugged. “And I can assure you, the news I received before I left to end Mercer’s life isn’t one I’d be keen on anyone finding out, either. Besides, I know things about you that would tarnish your reputation even more than the town finding out you abandoned a baby almost 30 years ago. I suggest you back off and leave myself, Brynjolf, and the Guild alone; otherwise, your luck will run dry.” 

“I won’t give up that easily, dear daughter,” she smirked, knowing how much that word would irk Adi. “You’ve just threatened the wrong woman.”

“And so have you.” 

***

Six weeks later, Riftweald Manor looked completely different from the dump Mercer left it. All traps and triggers were gone, the bottom tunnels into the Ratway were blocked off, the top floor door lead to a closed-off balcony, and the ground entrances were usable. Given a well-deserved break from the Guild, Adi and Brynjolf focused fully on redesigning their home together. The final floor plan was approved by Iona and sent to Anuriel. Renovations took little time and made the space warm and welcoming. It was perfect. The thieves couldn’t be happier. 

After Adi and Brynjolf hung up their final decoration - a drawing made by Delvin of one of the Guild’s celebrations in the Flagon - they collapsed onto a loveseat, Brynjolf pulling Adi into his chest. “You think the place is ready for our friends tonight?”

“I think it’s perfect.” she looked up and kissed him deeply. The previous week, they had entered the Cistern and invited the Guild members to a small Housewarming party. Everything remotely fragile was thought about, in consideration of drunken thieves in one place, and Adi made sure they were either too high to reach or unmovable. Mostly both, if she was going, to be honest. 

“You’re perfect,” Brynjolf shifted, so Adi straddled him, tangling his fingers in her hair. He deepened the kiss, Adi reciprocating with no hesitation, and moved to start removing her civilian clothes when a loud knock sounded at their front door. “You’d think that we wouldn’t get interrupted as much being away from the Cistern, but alas, I was wrong.” 

“I’m sure it’s just the courier or something,” Adi laughed. She kissed him again, then headed to their front door and met with Nazir. 

“Congratulations on the new place, Adranelle,” Nazir gave her a curt nod and handed her a bottle of Mead - packaged as a gift.

“Thank you, Nazir,” she took the mead and invited him in. “You do know the housewarming party isn’t until later, right?” 

“Yes, but I came early because I have… some unpleasant news.” 

“What is it?” Adi set the mead on a shelf, then turned the assassin. 

“The Night Mother informed me of a new… complicated contract.”

“One that only I can handle? What are the details.” 

“It involves you, yes,” Nazir hesitated. He wished not to ruin her day, but this was not something that could wait. “But not in the way that you think.” 

“Nazir, spit it out.”

“Someone wants you dead.” 

[ecargmura]

Hirogaru Sky! Precure Episode 27 Review: The World Inside The Mirror Pad

I wonder what the point of this episode was. It’s not bad, but rather, it feels like a one-time thing…unless the pigs are important to the story later on. It just feels like a filler so that the Precures can do something for the weekly episode basis.

The Precures are forced to go out of their comfort zone and find a way to solve their trials to escape. Ageha gets stuck in a library where she has to learn about airplane trivia, which was something that Tsubasa picked. Sora gets stuck in a makeup room where she has to make herself look beautiful, which was something Mashiro picked. Tsubasa has to find a way to dance excitedly and in rhythm, which was something Ageha picked. Mashiro has to get to the top of a huge flight of stairs, which was something Sora picked. While it is interesting to see our heroes struggle at first, I feel like the pairings are the typical SoraMashi and AgeTsuba mix-match. I think that it would’ve been better if they had been paired up with different combinations like Sora being forced to go into Tsubasa’s trial or Tsubasa being forced to go into Mashiro’s trial. I think that would’ve added some flare to the episode and to see different character combinations. 

I think my biggest issue is that what was the point of making them go through this? They didn’t have any conflict before they got thrown into the mirror pad and suddenly, they’re forced to channel their partner’s energy into succeeding. I think this would’ve made a bit more sense if there was a bit of conflict between the characters outside of the usual duos, but that’s just wishful thinking on my part.

However, the two biggest mysteries of this episode are the Mirror Pad world and Pinkton. Why is there a whole other world inside the Mirror Pad and it’s now being revealed 27 episodes in? Is this a part of Sky Land or a whole other world? Would this mean that the Mirror Pad is not a Sky Land tool but something otherworldly? Mashiro did point out that it feels a bit like the Underg Empire, but its not. What could this mean? It’s too bad that this never gets addressed in this episode. 

Pinkton is a riot, honestly. In all honesty, Pinkton is the conflict of this episode as she was the one who caused the trial mix-up and for the last-minute villain of the day to show up. Since her name ends with ton, it makes me wonder if there is a connection with Kabaton and Minoton. Since there are multiple Pinktons, there has to be a connection, right? The show wouldn’t add in a mysterious world that feels like the Underg Empire and have pig fairies residing in them just for a one-time filler episode, right? However, Pinkton isn’t as annoying as I expected her to be. She’s a lot less sadistic as she’s nice to the Precures and doesn’t got all sadist mode if they fail. I think that’s a bit of a nice touch since these types of characters are prone to be the mischief-making, violence-loving comedic relief.

While this was filler, this episode brought about more questions than answers. I’m worried about whether this show will address this Mirror Pad world and the pig fairies in a future episode. I just hope they’re not a one-time thing. Please. I don’t want to see another long-running show not address these types of one-time things. What are your thoughts about this episode and the possible theories that it brought?

[drkarenhawk]

Psychological Services Offered by Dr. Karen Hawk in Arizona

Mental health is a fundamental aspect of overall well-being, and the need for skilled, compassionate mental health professionals has never been more pressing. For residents of Arizona, Dr. Karen Hawk offers a broad range of psychological services designed to help individuals, couples, and families address a wide array of emotional and psychological challenges. With years of clinical experience and a deep commitment to personalized care, Dr. Hawk is a trusted name in Arizona’s mental health community.

In this blog, we’ll explore the various psychological services provided by Dr Karen Hawk Psychologist, highlighting the therapeutic approaches she uses and how her expertise can make a difference in the lives of those struggling with mental health issues.

Who is Dr. Karen Hawk?

Dr. Karen Hawk is a licensed psychologist with extensive experience in clinical practice, specializing in a variety of therapeutic techniques. She holds a doctoral degree in psychology and has worked with individuals across different demographics and backgrounds. Dr. Hawk's clinical work is rooted in a holistic, client-centered approach, meaning that each treatment plan is tailored to meet the specific needs and goals of the individual.

Whether you are dealing with mental health challenges like anxiety, depression, trauma, or relationship issues, Dr. Hawk offers a compassionate and non-judgmental space to work through your concerns. Her work integrates evidence-based therapies, ongoing professional development, and a deep commitment to helping her clients heal and grow.

Psychological Services Offered by Dr. Karen Hawk

1. Individual Therapy

Individual therapy, also known as psychotherapy or counseling, is one of the core services Dr. Hawk offers. Through one-on-one sessions, Dr. Hawk helps clients address emotional, psychological, and behavioral concerns that may be affecting their daily life. Whether it’s a long-standing issue or a more recent challenge, individual therapy is a powerful tool for self-exploration, healing, and personal growth.

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Relationship struggles can be just as emotionally challenging as individual mental health concerns. Couples therapy is designed to help partners navigate conflict, improve communication, and deepen their connection. Dr. Hawk is highly skilled in helping couples address a variety of issues, such as:

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Anxiety and Depression Support Groups: These groups provide a safe, supportive space for individuals to share their experiences and learn from others who are facing similar challenges.

Grief and Loss Groups: For individuals navigating loss, group therapy offers a compassionate environment where people can find solidarity and healing.

Trauma Recovery Groups: Individuals who have experienced trauma benefit from connecting with others who understand their struggles, providing validation and encouragement.

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Cognitive and Intelligence Testing: Assessing cognitive abilities, IQ, and executive function.

Personality Assessments: Understanding personality traits and how they affect behavior and relationships.

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Conclusion

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[mimikyuno]

you said something akin to 'Finland is not a utopia everybody imagines it to be', but isn't everything understood in comparison? where is it better? no prison for being queer, freer speech, water runs after the tap is turned on. Gini coefficient? low. Human Development Index? high. democracy?!. yes!!! even amphetamines are partly covered for!!!

aah i see that’s what your ask was about! i thought you were asking me for unmedicated adhd advice 😭

anyway dont get me wrong, as an immigrant, when i first moved to finland i fell into the trap of this complacent mentality. i thought, that because here was so much better than italy, i had no right to complain or that would mean i was ungrateful. but again, as an immigrant, i saw a lot of the awful awful awful sides of finland. waiting months and months for the way too busy immigration office, struggling with ridiculous paper work with no help. when i first moved here, i had to go through the impossible loop of not being able to apply for a flat till i had a job and a security number, but not being able to apply for a security number till i had a job and/or an address, and not being able to apply for a job without an address and a security number. luckily for me, my partner is finnish, and we applied for a flat in her name, so i got out of that loop, and im in university as an official finnish resident, and will apply for citizenship soon. as a white european immigrant who is married to a finnish person, i have it way easier than a lot of my immigrant friends i made at finnish language school. as a mentally ill student, i see the terrible issues in the healthcare system especially - it’s just. really bad. so bad, that i often get nostalgic of the italian system. and if you know, then you know how bad it gets 😭

i think it’s very dangerous to not criticise what is wrong in finland bc it’s worse in other places - that attitude is at the core of all the awful policies the current right-wing government is pushing. when people complain about cuts to welfare, healthcare, education and more, they often get dismissed as “it’s worse elsewhere”, meanwhile stuff goes to shit. as an education major (switching to archaeology after i get my master’s) i saw in real time the insane damages the cuts have caused to kindergartens and elementary schools. i wont get into detail bc i’d have to write an essay. most finnish men think that finland has reached gender equality and finnish women have no right to complain when “it’s worse elsewhere”, but that doesnt mean that finland has actually reached gender equality (it hasnt! bc no country in the world has! and yes it was nice to have sanna marin as pm, but you should have heard the misogynystic bullshit spouted everywhere about her here, there’s a reason why she abandoned politics). we have a rampant racism issue, it’s really, really, really bad. i think i remember a statistic that showed finland is like the one of the most racist countries in europe, and it shows. even i, a white european, was harassed in the street by a finnish man who heard me speak english, who yelled at me to get back to my country. until 2 years ago, finland was violating human rights by forcing trans people to get sterilised to change their gender marker. trans people protested for years. should they not have, as trans people elsewhere had it worse? bc thanks to their protesting for years and years, things changed. but with your logic, trans people here should still get sterilised without complaining as at least they can legally transition? and as someone who is currently going through gender therapy, i can tell u trans care is bad. my friend, a trans guy, has been unable to access gender care bc he has depression and he’s unemployed. he cant get neurodivergence diagnoses (adhd&autism, which he so clearly has) bc one (1) public doctor dismissed him years ago, and he’d need to spend hundreds of euros to get help privately (u only get a shot at one diagnosis in the public healthcare system now!). when he went for help for his depression, they told him the root cause is his dysphoria. which he cant ease bc he’s depressed, and as such banned from getting gender care. if he got a job, he’d lose his unemployment benefits and access to mental health services he’s using. and he’s disabled, and not getting any help. he’s literally stuck, and getting 0 help. finland is FULL of young people like this. who have no job, no money, mental health issues that get dismissed and go untreated, and many turn to substances. there’s a reason why finland is in the top 15 (or even 10 i don’t remember) for suicide rate. in finland, i often heard the joke that the reason we get voted as happiest country is bc everyone who is slightly unhappy here gets driven to suicide lol. so yeah, i think it’s worth complaining and fix the system because a lot of people are suffering here.

dont get me wrong, i do think it’s good to be thankful and keep in mind all the good things about finland, but in my opionion that also means being critical when these things are threatened and also strive to improve the situation! complacency is a very dangerous thing. oh and i once reblogged a good comic about this!

i just. i think “finland has a first world country with a better-than-average quality of life with a lot of welfare services and support systems” and “finland is not a utopia and has a lot of issues, like rampant racism, literal nazi ministers in the government (who proudly say so publicly!!), a government who’s cutting funds left and right, poor people who can’t afford food as prices soar, a healthcare system thats bursting at the seams, underfunded education, systemic transphobia, and more, and these things should be worth complaining about and fix even though they might be even worse somewhere else” are two statements that can and should coexist 🤷🏻

[je-suis-problematique]

So we made a new OC courtesy of Chris' horny thoughts as usual. Here's the moodboard Zed made for him:

His name's Reno, he's a Resident Evil OC for RE4 and he's supposed to be Saddler's cocksleeve partner. Some fun facts about him:

He's trans (FtM).

He was born in El Pueblo but moved to America for college because he got tired of his extremely religious, extremely conservative family and he didn't want to spend all his life in the tiny village tending to farm animals and shit. He has a doctorate in history and he did his thesis on ancient Egypt, meaning he relocated to Cairo for a while too. He was able to afford all that traveling by saving up a bunch and also applying for various scholarships.

Despite being highly educated he struggled finding employment in the States because save for teaching he can't really do anything with his degree so when money started becoming an issue and his mental health started tanking he decided to return to Spain for a while.

A couple more things that drove him back to Spain were some very concerning letters he started receiving from his two siblings and his mother's deteriorating health.

Not too sure under what circumstances he met Saddler but he ends up joining Los Iluminados willingly and he genuinely sees Saddler as a sort of savior for the village. He also gets infected with the dominant type plaga and becomes one of Saddler's lieutenants, like Krauser.

Reno's relationship with Saddler is very Fucked Up and there's nothing healthy about it. There's lots of mind games and manipulation, there's dubcon/noncon, a kind of TPE dynamic with an obvious power imbalance, obsessiveness, possessiveness, and a shitton of creepy religious undertones. Reno is so broken he's into it though because Saddler offered him what he always wanted which is power, influence, and freedom.

Might actually make it so Reno's siblings escaped being infected and they're trying their hardest to bring their brother back to his senses. Either that or they kill him and help Leon against Saddler, who knows.

[jeannahas]

Midnight Musings - Loss and Legacy

For some context to my thoughts this particular night, I have some major memory issues. I have theories about why this might be - a particular brand of inattentive ADHD, problems in recording memories, or information not actually leaving my sensory memory to make it to short term memory, or a breakdown from short term to long term - no idea. Could be all of the above, could be none of the above.

What matters, for tonights thoughts, is the fact that I lose memories, I lose time. Anything can and will be forgotten, as I have told many friends and acquaintances. My name, my birthday, important life changing events and even people who have in the past been deeply important to my life. Just... gone. Faded away like a printed image left to soak in water. Barely discernable, a blur of muddied ink - it has affected the page, and the page has been forever changed, but the details are gone. I have even recommended songs to people and romantic partners, and then have forgotten that the song itself even EXISTED, barely being able to recall it as a familiar thing when that same person plays it back to me.

This loss is spotty, and unpredictable, and does leave some random memories crystal clear for frequent re-visiting and examination, but the experience as a whole leaves me... hollow.

This has led to a couple of compounding fears. There are diseases that run in our family ( which I have not been able to test for) which could end a life by the age of 50 - 60. Cancers, ALS, Muscular Dystrophy, etc. So, there is a fear of wasting away, of losing the activities and things I love to do most one after the other. There are few things I love as much as martial arts, writing, and drawing, and with some of those diseases, you lose what you use the most first- the activities you love most are the first to go. There is a fear of losing memory of my own life, as I have mentioned in other posts, and massive chunks fall away with time.

This has led me to one overarching motivation, which I only recently realized was important to me - the desire to leave some kind of impact, some kind of legacy, that will last longer than I do. And it feels, every time, like I have failed. I haven't stopped trying- but I have watched things that I have worked hard to build crumble the moment I have stepped away from them time and again. I repaired a piece of landscaping important to my home town, and when I drove by last summer, it was worse off than when I had begun to repair it. I tried to build a small film project with friends in college, and it fell apart after our first semester working on it. I tried to build a martial arts school in the first city my wife and I lived in, and It never got off the ground, and collapsed within days of my leaving to accept a job, my former students scattering to the four winds. For the past three years, I have been trying to build and improve a martial arts school here in the city I reside in, and at our peak, we had 84 students , a crowning acheivement, a brief moment where everything was looking up for us.

And then... everything began crumbling. One after one, our students left, as fewer and fewer people began to call us, as the recession that's settling in began to hit luxury markets like martial arts. Money began to be tight, and fewer people had extra funds to spend on martial arts. Pay cut after pay cut, rescheduling after rescheduling, and the decision came to downsize, after it was established that I would be leaving the area.

And the losses began. Each day, as we get closer to the day I am supposed to hand the studio over to the new instructor, more people leave. People I have grown close to, people who's lives I have become invested in, who I wish the best for, and have been thinking about and trying to help improve their training for the past two and a half years. Young Kids I have come to adopt as temporary family, adult friendships that have been a rare oasis in a life largely devoid of actual friends, devoid of positive interactions, teens with such talent and progress that it HURTS to watch them stop training RIGHT before that finish line of their black belt.... it keeps going, it accelerates, and it's reached apoint where I don't know If I can do anything about it.

And I watch another thing, another project I have poured my heart, soul, blood, sweat, and tears into, collapse around me like a temple colapsing in an earthquake. I begin to doubt if this effort I have labored on for the past three years will survive beyond my leaving the city, if these people who I have helped to train, who I have helped to get their black-belts, will carry on this martial arts legacy, or if my effect here will die and end with them. Am I... just going to be forgotten? Will the school last the year? Will anything I've done or taught here matter in three years anymore?

The crushing weight of the thought that nothing I have built has lasted even a decade weighs on me, drives me to claw desperately for some way to leave a memory that will outlive me, that I contemplate how to carve my name into steel, to make some piece of something that will outlast me as I have seen happen to some other items.

It's a peculiar agony of the soul. Hoping someone else will remember your life because you are not sure that you can - hoping that what you did mattered enough to someone for them to hold onto what you taught them when you are gone, that they will build on it. Leaving feels like a funeral, made worse by the fact that I don't know If I will be able to make something of myself where I am going, even though I have multiple plans to try to do just that. I know what I want to do - I know mostly how to do it, but the risk of failing again - the knowledge that what I will try to build next could fail before it even gets off the ground, is daunting.

Naturally, I am moving forward. I am stubborn, and I haven't given up yet. I will try agian, and again, and again, to do good, to leave wherever I am better than I found it, even if that effect doesn't last for long. Existential dread aside, I will keep trying, however I can.

Hopefully it matters to someone.

[jxgi]

an independent roleplay blog for hokuto no ken's jagi; with verses based in final fantasy, resident evil, modern / realistic aus and more. a study in jealousy and hate - a life lost and the exploration of the sadness beneath sociopathy.

ambition tearing out the heart of you, carving lines into you

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  001   This is an independent roleplay blog for the character of Jagi from the manga / anime / game, Fist of the North Star aka Hokuto No Ken. Obviously, this character doesn't belong to me. The character of Jagi is a mean, villainous character and his backstory has a good amount of triggering content. Please keep this in mind when interacting. This blog is 18+ (adults only) and low activity.

  002   Triggering content that you can expect to see frequently on this blog will be violence, murder, aggression, blood and general fighting / battle themes. Sexual content will be present, as will consensual-rough sex. Explicitly dark themes such as rape / sexual violence / dubcon etc, will be alluded to in terms of backstory but not necessarily written. Everything will be tagged. Example is - 'tw.triggerhere'. I, myself, have no triggers.

  003   Mun's name is Han, you may know me from such blogs as 'cwarscars' (a badly written attempt at a military general in a fantasy world) and 'mencnfire' (a multimuse attempt at some veteran type characters who all have issues). Are you noticing a theme? Lol. I'm 29, work full time and like to do all sorts of stuff so I wont be super active. I'm pretty friendly and very chilled out, discord is available on the carrd - just tell me who you are if you add me please.

  004   This blog is low activity; primarily because I work full-time hours and have other stuff going on outside of the online world. Generally, I like to restrict myself from being online too much. It's never anything personal if I'm not online, don't reply to a message or favour one thread over another. I just have limited time to work with and am terrible at messages. I do like communication, but I also appreciate realism, understanding and patience. I give exactly what I expect of partners. Be laid-back and just have fun!

  005   Generally, I prefer longer threads and planned threads. I will do the odd starter or random thread about random thing, but I love a good, juicy, well-thought-out thing. If we're going to plot, I love to have a beginning, middle and end. They are my favourite kinds of threads to write. I don't like too much exposition and prefer a slow burn when it comes to all manner of relationships etc. I can't be bothered to use icons and fancy formatting gives me migraines, so I'll just stick to standard small text.

  006   In terms of character / shipping. I base my Jagi's backstory off of his story in Jagi Gaiden. If you're not a fan of HNK / barely know it, don't worry - Jagi has a tonne of verses I have thrown him into and I am more than open to writing a new verse to base around our muses! Regarding shipping - I am open to it! But keep in mind that Jagi is a sociopath and a dangerous murderer. As you can imagine, I'm willing to write most kinds of ships, be they romantic, dark, family, dark-romance etc. However, Jagi will not sexually assault or rape your muse. I've got ten years+ of writing villains under my belt and people trying to force that on you is never enjoyable.

  007   Please don't block-evade, hound me for replies, do any creepy shit like stalk my blog / discord, talk shit etc. This is a weird, slightly vague rule but I'm just not down for the high-school side of the RPC nor am I down for the weird things such as block-evading and the like. Please don't pretend to be someone you're not to me (as in, literally pretend to be another person), it's very unsettling behaviour.

  008   I have approximately minus interest in getting involved in any slapfights between pro-ship & anti-ship content. I believe in freedom of expression and am anti-censorship, but I also believe that people are allowed to be unsettled / turned-off by certain content. Generally, I'm open-minded but also do my best to be respectful. As said previously, stuff is tagged, dark content will be written, but I also have limits and I respect others' limits, too.

 009   My main blog is CWARSCARS and generally, I'll be over there. I just needed to get the rascal that is Jagi off of my chest for a little while as I replenish my writing juices (gross lol).Have fun and I hope we have good rp times! :-)