#and like that pressure at the base of your skull you get when super tired

[wetbloodworm]

sometimes drawing feels like im fighting my own hands and that’s where ive been lately. but attempts were made here

[90slevi]

Control {Katsuki Bakugo x Reader}

TW: Angst, gore, strong/heavy language

Quirk: Rock/Earth Manipulation

"Y/l/n, look out!”

You only just dodged the large blast of blue flames coming your way, and your eyes widened as you stumbled backwards, thankful Kirishima had yelled loud enough for you to hear despite the ringing in your ears.

Your quirk was definitely not the best against Dabi, a flame-wielding sociopath who didn't care about who he murdered. God, how you hoped your classmates were okay. This was the second time in the past two months your class had been ambushed by the league of villains, and although you guys only just managed to handle it with a few minor injures (excluding Midoriya's broken fingers), it was still terrifying.

And right now, you were fighting for your life.

Why the hell had you been put against Dabi?

Stomping on the ground, a wall of rock appeared in front of you, blocking Dabi from your view as you ran, protecting you, Kirishima and Kaminari for the time being. You three and Bakugo had decided stupidly to run into the danger, wanting to protect your classmates while Midoriya, Todoroki, Uraraka and Iida went to fight a couple of others including Shigaraki. However, Bakugo had been attacked by both Toga and Mr Compress, and he was nowhere to be seen.

Nervousness flooded through your veins; you'd been dating the hot-headed blonde for nearly four months now, and you absolutely adored him with your whole heart. If anything happened to him, you'd be devastated.

"He's out!" Kaminari exclaimed, glancing over his shoulder to see the rock wall collapse around the black-haired villain. You cursed loudly, creating a second large wall and, using your fingers against the earth, determined where he was standing before shooting him into the air with your new super move - Earth Spring! A huge pole of rock and dirt from the ground would shoot up, causing him to go up with it and get flung into the air. However, it appeared that you'd only just missed, as just before you sprung it, he hopped onto a concrete area. "Damn it!"

"We need to get back to base," you said, noticing that Kaminari was switching from his usual-self to his short-circuited version. And Kirishima had used his super-move already to get rid of a monstrous villain who'd gone specifically after you, so he was tired as hell too. The boys opened their mouths to protest, and you stopped for a second to put your hands onto the ground. You created the biggest and thickest wall possible before continuing to run, almost out of breath. Bending and controlling the earth exuded a lot of energy from you, and the boys knew this well. "Look, we can't fight. He's way too strong, and I can tell you guys are exhausted. Let the pros deal with this."

"You can't run!" Dabi taunted, now standing on top of the wall. It was about ten meters tall, but you knew he'd be able to get down with ease - he'd managed to get up there, after all. "You gonna fight or what?"

"Shut up!" Kaminari yelled, much braver than you'd expected. He went to shoot electricity towards the villain, but you stopped him in fear of him short-circuiting. "God damn it, Y/n!"

You were about to argue with him to explain your reasoning, before suddenly feeling a sudden sharp pain across your entire body. Screaming, you then fell to the ground, unable to move as you collapsed. Your face was to the side, able to see Dabi with a smile on his face. Someone was walking behind you, but Kirishima and Kaminari had been completely unharmed. Kirishima went to pick you up and run, but he froze.

What you couldn't see was that this second villain was threatening the three of you. If he took a step towards you, the villain would stop your heart. You recognised the quirk, too; your father had fought this bastard before. He could control anybody's limbs and organs just by looking at them, meaning he was incredibly dangerous and could cause you immense harm.

"Don't you dare hurt her," Kaminari hissed, instantly cowering away when the villain put his foot against your face. You cursed quietly, not exactly enjoying your experience underneath his shoe.

"So, you're the brat causing us trouble," the second villain said, and you noticed his voice. You were right, this was Occirium - his name a mix of Control and Kill in Latin - and he spiked fear into absolutely everybody. Including you. "Those walls over there... that was you, correct?"

"What's it to you?" you asked, trying to look up at him but being completely unable to. Occirium almost cackled, finding it humorous. However, Dabi just looked bored.

"You've got one fine quirk," he continued. "You and your little blonde boyfriend completely obliterated us."

Your heart almost skipped a beat. Bakugo... he knew about Bakugo, what the Hell had he done?

Either Bakugo had done a LOT of damage, or they'd done something to him. That was all you could come to since Occirium seemed to be targeting you two in particular. Kaminari audibly gasped, and Kirishima sub-consciously clenched his fists.

"So, as payback, I think it'd be fun to obliterate the two of you," Occirium said, and when Kaminari went running away for help, the man pressed harder on your head before yelling, "OI! SPARKY! Get back here before I crush her skull. You two are going to fucking watch, got it?"

Kaminari nodded anxiously, his eyes wide as he was dragged back next to Kirishima by Dabi. You winced a little, remembering what your father had said about Occirium absolutely loving to make a show out of things, especially murder. It revolted you, and you wished you could kick the living daylights out of him.

"I've got the little brat," a third voice said, and you began to panic. Did he mean... Bakugo?! How had they caught him? That boy was stronger than half of your class combined, meaning somebody extremely powerful had done it. These people were not ones to be messed with, and when you heard Kaminari and Kirishima exclaim loudly, you knew what was going to happen.

"OI ASSHOLES! Let go of me, you cowards!"

As if on cue, a beaten-up Bakugo was pushed next to you, also now being controlled by Occirium. One of his eyes was already swelling up to form a black-eye, and cuts, scratches, and bruises had already formed on his arms. Your mouth opened slightly in worry and fear, whereas he just looked absolutely furious.

"You fucking bastards," Bakugo muttered, only to shut up when you exclaimed out loud, a jolt of pain exploding in your leg. Occirium could control your pain receptors too, making him one of the worst villains to be tortured by. And now you were under his commands. "Y/n-"

"It's fine," you mouthed, grumbling quietly as the pain began to fade.

"That's what you get, Blasty, for speaking like that to your superiors," Occirium said, an obnoxious laugh leaving his lips. You wrinkled your nose in disgust before a plan began to form in your head. It was something you were incredibly well-known for, and that was how quickly you could perform under pressure. Something Occirium couldn't do was control whether you used your quirk or not, and if you just tried to activate it without moving, maybe... just maybe... "Now, I'm sure Dabi is incredibly frustrated right now. So, wouldn't it be fun if I got Sparky and Red-Hair to watch their beloved friends get burned alive?"

"What the hell?!" Kaminari yelled loudly, only to be shut up by Kirishima. The two seemed to be frozen in fear, unable to do anything at all. It appeared that they were hoping, by some stroke of luck, a pro-hero or somebody else would be able to come and save you all.

"Shut it," Dabi glared, a cunning grin now on his face. Bakugo attempted with all his might to move, but with no luck. His angry eyes began to fade into fear, and you gave him a comforting smile. He looked down, unable to look at the face he loved so dearly, and he began to mumble something.

"I'm... sorry," he said, and you raised your eyebrows in concern. It was unlike Bakugo to give up so easily, but then again, this was your lives on the line. And even the plan you had wasn't the greatest. There was such a slim chance it would work. "I could've been a better boyfriend."

"Katsuki, you were an amazing boyfriend," you chuckled quietly, glad Occirium was distracted by Dabi to hear you. "And you always will be. Now shut up and listen to my plan."

Bakugo's eyes widened as you said that, and his ears pricked up as you spoke as quietly as possible, almost silently.

Your plan was for you set off your quirk right where Dabi was standing, blocking off him and the third villain. While Occirium was distracted for a few seconds, Bakugo would attempt to grab you and blast to the side. While you were doing that, you'd use your quirk to 'Earth-Spring' you both and the other two to God-knows-where. And once the four of you were together, Bakugo could blast away. Occirium would no longer be able to see you and the quirk wouldn't be effective anymore!

It was a difficult plan to execute with a slim chance of working, but it'd be better to try and die than not try and die. Bakugo nodded, and because he was so used to his hands going numb with the explosions, he managed to hook his fingers around your costume's sleeve. He looked up at Kirishima and Kaminari before giving a quick, devilish smile. The two of them raised their eyebrows, and when you mouthed 'Now' at Bakugo, you created a massive rock wall.

Just as you thought, Occirium was surprised for two seconds. Using that opening, Bakugo blasted to the side, reaching Kirishima and Kaminari's feet. You then pressed your hand harsher into the ground before creating a massive pole, the four of you being lifted high into the sky. You winced when you felt a sharp pain in your stomach, and Bakugo seemed to feel it too, but when you were out of the villain's vision, you were finally able to control your body again. You cheered, only for the explosive blonde to grab onto your waist, yell for the two boys to grab onto him and blast away, landing into the large forest to the right. You all fell into the trees, yelling as you did so, and you hit the ground with a thud.

"Ow," Kaminari muttered, rubbing his arm that seemed to be bleeding pretty badly. He'd caught it on a tree branch, but thankfully, Kirishima had bandages on him.

"Katsuki, oh my God," you exclaimed, pulling him into a tight hug. You'd never been so relieved and you almost cried into his chest. He wrapped his arms around your waist, and he sighed with happiness. "I thought we were going to die!"

"Yeah, me too, Dumbass," Bakugo muttered, and you shut your eyes. He'd never, ever given up before, meaning he genuinely thought this was the end. "I thought I was going to lose you."

"Same to you!" you answered, pulling away and grinning cheekily, only to notice the cuts on his body. "K-Katsuki! You need those treating!"

"We'll do that once we get back to camp," he said, taking your hand firmly and walking ahead. You would've argued with him, mentioning that Kirishima had bandages on him, but you were too tired to do so. "Oi, extras! Follow me unless you want to go and get murdered."

The two others nodded, both still frightened as hell and in shock. Just from the way you were shaking, Bakugo knew you were scared too, and he couldn't deny the fact that he was too. He would've been fine on his own, but knowing you were in the same position as he was made him absolutely petrified. If he'd been responsible for your death, he'd never live with himself.

At night, the forest was definitely creepy. The only light-source you had was Kaminari's electricity and Bakugo's explosions, but neither of those were the best. You also didn't want villains to notice you, so you made sure to be as quiet as possible. None of you were ready to fight again, both exhausted and traumatised by what'd happened, and you just wanted to sleep.

However, when the camp came back into view, and Aizawa's angry face appeared, you almost fainted with happiness. The other 2-A students cheered when they saw you, all clearly having fought a villain at some point just from the way they were stood. Midoriya, Todoroki, Yaoyorozu, and Ojiro were currently missing, and you assumed they were in the ambulances that'd parked up. Aizawa rushed over, and a doctor took Kaminari after noticing the poorly-wrapped and blood-stained bandage over the boy's arm. You collapsed, and Bakugo knelt down next to you in surprise. Kirishima quickly began explaining to the teacher what'd happened, and Aizawa went from angry and concerned to absolutely furious.

"Hey, you're okay, right?" Bakugo asked, trying to help you up only for you to fall back down again. You were so tired, scared, cold and in pain that you just didn't want to. "Y/n?"

"I want to go to sleep," you muttered, and Bakugo sighed in annoyance. But he understood too, and he sat down beside you while two doctors rushed over, one to treat him and the other to treat you. "Katsuki?"

"What, dumbass?"

"I love you."

"Tch. Love you too. I guess."

[vtforpedro]

medical update and stuff. trigger warnings in tags I’m extremely frustrated. it’s been 15 months of frustration lol so so so sick of doctors, so sick of living through this. I am tired and getting no relief you might remember, but I was given a ‘possible’ IIH diagnosis in October. we’ve been treating it like it is IIH, which means everything has always been real etc etc and the treatment is weight loss. started my ‘better eating habits’ on nov 1st. then I immediately had the thing with my chemo pill packing on a ton of excess fluid, worsening my head to the point of ER and calling my neurosurgeon, getting taken off my chemo pill, and it wasn’t until mid-december that I actually started to see any fucking weight loss cause of that my pcp told me 5lbs a month. so I’ve been right on track with that despite wishing I could lose 10 a month but that’d be starving myself so lol I’ve lost 15lbs but now something exciting is happening again!! I am retaining fluid and I have NO idea why. which means my head is now as bad as it was last summer when everything was at its worse. constant all day long, pills barely doing anything for me, vision issues, pain issues. it feels like something broke in the base of my skull/neck because I get the scariest sensations there. it’s horrible. no human being should have to live this way and I do it every single day, numerous times a day anyway I had to go to the ER last thursday A G A I N because a doctor sent me. my pupils were noticeably two different sizes. I’d noticed three days beforehand and convinced myself I was imagining it cause it wasn’t a huge difference. finally took a picture and no, def not the same size and my eye looked like it was going inward? anyway, called my pcp, they had me come in that day, he saw it from a foot and a half away, sat back, and said I need you to go to the ER, you need your brain looked at. so again, I’ve been seeing this for three days while my head has been 10/10 extreme due to pressure in it. I get there and have to wait a while but less than two hours later when they finally looked at me? gone. pupils back to normal. doctor talking down to me like I was just an anxious mess and not that another dr sent me cause he saw what I did lol and his notes were in my chart. so, wasted visit and they put a covid patient 15ft from me and intubated them, so get to remember what that sounds like forever and ever (covid patients are supposed to be separated from other ER patients). now I’m doing a 10 day quarantine while I am so severely disabled I cannot bend over to take care of my cats food/litter/etc and it’s why my mom half lives with me but she can’t right now :) getting a covid test in three hours and it’s been eight days with nothing but head issues + fluid retention so hoping it’s negative the fluid retention I had before was a side effect of my chemo pill. I don’t know why this is happening. I should be 17lbs down now and I’ve actually gained weight despite being on the same diet that lost me the 15. I’m back to 13lbs down. this makes me feel like I might be carrying 4lbs of water weight. let me break this down because yesterday a PA told me my symptoms were too ‘ambiguous’ to say if fluid retention is happening or not - fluid retention from the chemo pill was ALL felt in my stomach. it was distended and bloated like I’d eaten at a buffet every single day - head got massively worse, enough to go to the er, doc and I agreed the fluid retention causing me to fluctuate between 15lbs was making the IIH worse - not urinating often despite drinking a normal amount - got on a diuretic, seven days later the weight was gone, head was better, started losing weight this is what I’m experiencing now - fluid retention that is causing my stomach to feel very bloated and look/feel distended - head has gotten massively worse, enough to send me to the ER - should be losing weight, have actually gained weight on a low fat, low calorie diet - the only difference this time is that I am dehydrating myself (yes I know, bad, but it is literally saving my life) because I experimented one day with half my water intake and my head was miles better. still experiencing a terrible head episode once or twice a day but it’s not 10/10 constantly - and the second difference is despite not drinking enough water, I am actually urinating more often and it’s a lot more clear than it should be, the color I expect when I’m hydrating well I consider this ^^^^^ to be a good case of why I think I have fluid retention but being told my symptoms were ‘ambiguous’ and throwing me to my neurosurgeon instead is HNNNNG (esp because diuretics are known to help IIH symptoms FOR THIS EXACT REASON) I have VERY recently had my sugars checked a few times, glucose is normal. VERY recently had an abdominal CT, also normal. it’s not diabetes, it’s not something happening in my abdomen. they hear abdomen vs legs swelling and think it’s GI because doctors never fucking listen and actively put their patients in danger but o h w e l l, I guess anyway as it’s been for 15 months, I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. I go this way and experience agony, I go that way and experience agony I need extra hydration for weight loss, leukemia, being obese. I need less hydration because it worsens IIH to the point of 10/10 I want to die (which makes me heavily and actively suicidal. doctors see I take anti-depressants and assume idk I’m being dramatic but no, it’s really this fucking bad. I would rather die that moment than keep feeling what’s happening in my head) there’s like no middle ground and my body and these doctors are making it impossible to figure this shit out. my mom had to come over at 1:45 AM last night (hasn’t had to rush here since april 2020 cause that’s just how bad it is) because I lost my balance twice and was lucky I had something to catch onto or I would’ve been on the ground (neuro symptoms which could be IIH, could be chiari, could be stroke) and my speech got SUPER bad almost immediately. scared the hell out of me, I have never in my life lost balance that badly before things are going downhill and I would’ve thought losing weight they’d start improving but when has my body ever made this easy lol meeting a new neurologist on monday who works in the same building with my neurosurgeon. I’ve been avoiding them cause every single one of them told me I was just anxious despite specific physical movements causing an episode lmao but hopefully this guy is better and he has access to all of my neurosurgeon’s notes and stuff. I can’t keep dehydrating myself but at the same time I can’t let my head get so bad I make a farewell note for my mom, you know? it’s just been really bad and I don’t know how to get people to listen to me. I have a 99% diagnosis and they still don’t take me as seriously as they should. this has ruined my quality of life and they would have you believe that doctors take that seriously but they do not neurosurgeon wants me to see an ophthalmologist again cause of my vision issues and to check for specific things that relate to IIH. he wants another MRI done in early may cause it’s been a year since my last one by then (actually a month later, my last one was in april, but I’m curious if the neurologist will order one sooner) to check to see if anything has worsened so yeah living in absolute hell again and don’t know if I can just get a simple one week diuretic to get this fluid out of my body. what the FUCK else can it be when I’ve experienced this exact thing twice!! before. it happened to a much, much lesser degree the first time I got on the chemo pill. but the same shit :) hanging on by the thinnest thread guys and 15 months of feeling like I’m going to die almost every single day through that has destroyed my psyche. destroyed me as a person. I don’t know what to do anymore sorry this is all a lot of Bad™ but it’s been a lot of bad for 15 months. if I can keep going, I hope one day to be able to give an update of improvement love you all

[gayenerd]

I have literally no source for this interview, but it’s one of my favorites because Billie seems to be really honest about his songwriting here - this is when Nimrod came out

The day I met Billie Joe Armstrong he flashed me his new tattoo, a Chuck-Jones-perfect cartoon character on his right bicep. Above it was some skull or Celtic armband or something, but below was the name "Joseph," exquisitely lettered, for his firstborn child. It's that image of him that I always keep in my head, and what I think of when I hear his band, Green Day: loopy humor and face-punch riffs and sincere sentiment I tight formation, worn as close to the skin as possible, covered in sweat. From the band's first records on the local Berkeley label Lookout, 39/Smooth and Kerplunk!, through the multi-million selling Warner Brothers releases Dookie, Insomniac, and now Nimrod, Armstrong has written dozens of perfect little punk-rock ditties that are probably the most sincere and playful acts of musical aggression since that first punk wave twenty years ago. 

But the songs are more than throwbacks. Armstrong writes from a very personal perspective, the perspective of someone born in the Me Decade, raised in the Me-vs.-You Decade, and trying to cope in the Yet-to-be-Stereotyped Decade. His songs are about the current crises of being alive right now, in a society that's used up and marketed all of its counter-cultures, and has little use for its youth except as consumers. The songs are also about how one reconciles anger and rebellion with love and desire to not be so down all the time. It's less political and more personal than its punk rock predecessors, an angry/crying/shouting/fucking definition of self.

 It made me wonder how you can take bile directed at you and turn it into a song that gets sold at the local Sam Goody. I figured I'd ask, so I called him up at his home in Berkeley. 

Q: Where do you start when writing a song? 

A: Most of the time I'll come up with a melody, and I'll do lyrics, but I'll tackle them at different times and not connect the two, you know? So I'll come up with the riffs, and the melody of the song, like a short ditty. I'll put some lyrics to it and bring it to band practice and then we'll just start to pound it out. And then, as things need to be restructured, sometimes Mike [Dirnt, bassist] will have an idea for something, or Tré [Cool, drummer] will have an idea for something, or sometimes we'll just leave it alone and it's sort of already done. 

Q: Have there been any particular songs that have stayed the same from the original inspiration to recording, or have they all gone through changes in the process? 

A: There's a lot of them that stay the same. "Redundant" really never changed, except we made it a little longer by adding another chorus at the end. And there's this song called "All The Time" that's pretty much exactly the way I had it.

 Q: So how much does a song change then, in producing the record? On Nimrod there are a lot of different arrangements: strings on "Good Riddance," horns on "King For A Day." Did you have the ragtime horns in mind when you were writing? 

A: No, not at all. I actually demo'd that song and played all the instruments myself and showed it to the band and they're like, "oh, that's pretty cool." We fucked around with it and practiced it a couple of times, but we never expected it to go onto the record. Then when we got to the studio, we said whatever, we'll just put it on there. It ended up being pretty good, but the song was just screaming for horns. We got Gabe [McNair] and Steve [Bradley] and it was so funny. They said, "what do you want us to play?" And I said, 'I'm sure you'll think of something.' And they looked at me like, "aw man!" So they basically wrote all the horn parts to that song. 

Q: What's more important, lyrics or the music? 

A: I think lyrics are really important, because there are songs that, musically, I don't think are the greatest in the world but lyrically are amazing. I mean, Johnny Rotten never had the greatest voice in the world but he wrote really good lyrics for the first Sex Pistols record, and that goes for a lot of people. But the thing is, a lot of people tend to -- especially in pop songs -- they tend to take the music and put something sappy to it, and it's just a one-dimensional emotion that the rest of the songs has to carry. I was actually thinking about that yesterday. I went to a friend's house, and they were joking around, putting on the Spice Girls records. And it was blatantly catchy, super catchy, but at the same time it really didn't say anything. You could only hold it at face value, there was no depth behind it, you really couldn't tell anything about the people singing it. But I guess there's a need for that. People want to hear songs that don't say anything, they want to go out to a dance club and shake their booty.

 Q: That's a good question, then: what makes a good song? Depth, a point of view...? 

A: I guess so. I don't know. I know what I like, personally. Like, yesterday I did my top ten favorite songs or something like that. 

Q: What's on there? 

A: Let's see. "Surrender" by Cheap Trick. "In My Life" by the Beatles. A song called "They'll Never Call It Quits" by a band called One Man Army. Generation X, "Kiss Me Deadly." "Outsider" by the Ramones. Hüsker Dü, "Makes No Sense At All." 

Q: How do you deal with writer's block?

 A: I write something else, just for fun. I'm just habitual about it. If I can't come up with the song...the great song that you want to write that will leave your mark forever or something cheesy like that, I'll write a polka number if I can't come up with something. 

Q: Do you put that kind of pressure on yourself? Do you say "this one's gonna be a statement?" 

A: Sometimes I do. Sometimes I'll think way. I just have a really strong work ethic. I have that sort of way about all my songs that, lyrically, every single one of them has to have some subliminal thing going for it. But most people don't really get what you're talking about until 10 years after the fact anyway. That seems to be how people respect songwriters through time. 

Q: Do you have a time of day or a place where you write? You say you have a work ethic, how does that manifest itself? 

A: Anytime, every time. The other night I was dead tired. All I wanted to do was fall asleep, and me and [my wife] Adrienne get in bed, and we're laying there. I was just dozing off a little bit, and all of the sudden this music was popping in my head, going over and over. And I was like, aw man, I have to go downstairs to put this on my guitar and just write it down. But I don't want to. I was so tired. So finally I got up and I go, 'goddammit! I have to get this done.' Otherwise I would forget it.

 Q: When you're writing, do you write with an album in mind or song by song? 

A: Song by song. I can't really conceptualize that far in advance. We knew we wanted to change and bring in new elements on the new record. But we really didn't know how to do it. So I wrote, constantly, all kinds of songs. Fifty or something. And you try to find some sort of natural progression within those songs, and try to capture that on the record. 

Q: So are the songs you write linked by your state of mind, or thematically? 

A: Sometimes if I'll get into a depression, writer's block, where I can't write, I get really bummed out and then I'm not working at all, I'm not doing anything. And then I'll deliberately get myself down to the lowest of the low that I could possibly get down to. And then a song will pop up. And I'll be happy, I'll get ecstatic for like the next month and then all of the sudden another one will pop up. 

Q: So you revel in the dark zone and it's useful. 

A: Yeah...sort of...I kind of...well...definitely. 

Q: But you don't necessarily choose to be there... 

A: Sometimes I'll cause problems just so I can get in touch with that emotional side or whatever, you know. Just to see if something will spark up, start a fight or something (laughs). 

Q: Can you name a song that has come out of something like that? 

A: Umm...a song called "Worry Rock." 

Q: Seems like a really personal song. 

A: Yeah. I think I got drunk and put my fist through a window. Adrienne called me an asshole or something like that and, I don't know. We just got into some meaningless fight like most couples get into, those fights that don't make any sense. A fight for the sake of fighting, which can be destructive to your relationship. That's how that song came about. 

Q: Are you okay with that kind of exposure that comes from investing your personal life and emotions in a song like that? Is your family okay with that? 

A: Yeah, I think so. I guess the only problem would be if, say, Adrienne doesn't have an outlet for herself. That's the kind of thing that I worry about. The things that she could say about me could be pretty horrifying. 

Q: In what way are you a different songwriter now than you were on 39/Smooth and Kerplunk? 

A: It goes in a way of, you know, what kind of person were you at sixteen, and what kind of person are you at twenty? It's almost like two different people in some aspects. I think that most of my stuff is based on infatuations with women. Some are just straight obsession. I mean, nowadays you could call me a stalker (laughs). The quest for that ultimate happiness with another person, which I think started to change, and it changed pretty dramatically with Kerplunk, because I started to talk about other things, like loss of innocence, going out on your own, moving out at the age of seventeen, being a high school dropout, living in west Oakland in a warehouse with fifteen people. Where the first record was more...mushy...the next one you could tell I was going through some pretty dramatic changes. 

Q: So Dookie comes out, and where are you there? 

A: I think I turned more bitter. I started to realize where my true friendships were, the politics of Berkeley were setting in, drug abuse was starting to fuck with me a little bit. I was trying to figure out what was wrong with me, but I couldn't really do it and that had a lot to do with drugs. I started to get a lot more bitter. Life wasn't how it was supposed to be when you're on your own. There's a couple of different songs on there...I mean, the psychoses that went into that record! Songs like "Basket Case" and "Coming Clean" were blatantly neurotic songs. 

Q: That's messed up: amazing success, and it's your bitterness you're being celebrated for. 

A: I don't know. It's funny because I feel that once you write a song, and then record it, and then release it, it doesn't necessarily belong to you anymore. I mean, you can hold that piece of work closer to you than anybody else can, and that was one of the big problems for a while. I felt so misunderstood all the time. Which goes with the territory, anyway, of writing songs. Because nobody really understands what the hell you're talking about. Other people have interpretations of whatever, figure out their own plot, make it fit to the soundtrack of their own lives. It messed with me a little bit, 'cause people didn't know where I came from, people didn't know where I came from, people didn't really know what I stood for. People calling us a throwback to 1977, I guess I got affected by that. Because punk rock is a lifestyle for me, and has nothing to do with 1977 or any particular band, but the relationship that you had with and the amount of work that you put into your local scene. And it gets completely misinterpreted as trying to make a buck. 

Q: It wasn't a fashion statement, it was a lifestyle. 

A: Yeah, a lot of people took it as a fashion statement, even to the point where I think a lot of people thought we were the '90s equivalent of Sha Na Na or something. Some of that's kind of funny, whatever. But now I sort of don't care. No one's gonna understand it anyway. The whole success or fame thing was so new to me at the time, it came so abruptly, and I was like, wow, this is too much. I didn't know all this baggage was connected to all this shit. I thought I'd just have the opportunity to play my songs for people. 

Q: Is that why the new album is as different as it is, because you're just doing what you want to do, you don't have to be what people thought you were, or even what you thought you were? 

A: I think so. That might have something to do with it. I think when you stop caring and worrying about what people think, even stop caring what you think of yourself to a certain extent, and just sort of do it, it's a release to push your past behind you. I think that's when the best stuff comes out. And, of course, when you're forging ahead really hard. I think this time our songs are much more than just things that you can listen to, but actually visualize at the same time. It's like this guy told me the other day, this friend of mine, he goes, you know I was listening to that song "Platypus," and I can totally imagine this big western stampede of horses and cows. And that, for me, is exactly what I was thinking. Not that I was thinking of a stampede, you know, but that kind of quality. 

Q: So you communicated an image and a feeling. 

A: Exactly. 

Q: Of any of your songs, do you have a favorite? 

A: Lately, I like "Walking Alone" and "Uptight" I've been into. My mind changes all the time.

 Q: Let's talk about one of those. What are the circumstances around a song like "Walking Alone?" 

A: I play in this side project band called Pinhead Gunpowder. This guy Aaron Elliot writes all the lyrics and a lot of the music. And he wrote this song called "I Walk Alone," which is about walking at night, the streets, being a street punk. And so I wrote...I don't know what you'd call it -- an alter ego song? -- called "Walking Alone." 

Q: An answer song? 

A: Yeah, cause we always work in that sort of way. I wrote a song called "She," so he wrote an article in his fanzine called "She." It's kind of funny, it's really good to bounce things off of each other. So "Walking Alone" and "I Walk Alone" were sort of the same thing. I think Tom Petty could play that song. It's got that harmonica and the big smashing snare sound on it. But it was the first time I ever played harmonica. I can't play harmonica at all. I had to teach myself how to play that. 

Q: Hey, you did great. 

A: Oh, thanks. We actually tried to get a studio musician to play it, but I think he was a little too hobo for us. 

Q: Smelled bad? 

A: Actually, he had almost too much soul for it. He was too good at what he did. And I wanted it to come across more loosely. Not as good, I guess. So I played it. 

Q: It's not a confident song, or a song about confidence. "Sometimes I need to apologize/sometimes I need to admit that I ain't right." 

A: It's sort of like sticking your foot in your mouth sometimes, and thinking out loud, but the lyric changes. It turns into talking about friends and how they change and your friends either become lawyers or the local town drunks. 

Q: Any advice for people writing who want to be hit songwriters? 

A: Oh God, I don't know. Don't take advice from anybody.

[secret-engima]

So in your Naruto FF cover where Noct/Yoru is believed to be a god, what are the reactions of the families of the Chocobros? Cause their Clan member just got poached but they've also been really strange ever since their near death experience that woke up their memories (or did they always remember)? Especially the Hyuuga because they basically had Hikaru/Ignis enslaved and branded. Or even some povs from the Chocobros. (Poor Prompto, being an Aburame lol)

Ooooo tricky. Kinda depends on the family?

Lemme see- Ignis’s family are Most Displeased. They are super possessive of their eyeballs and treat their branch members as slaves anyway so they see it more like theft than a powerful man claiming a friend. Of course, there’s not much they can DO about it considering it’s Yoru and he burns Ignis’s seal off in .05 seconds and also threatens to burn the rest of the main branch to the ground if they touch Ignis again (not in so many words, but his magic does flatten a few of the members with its intensity when they got too close to Ignis.

Tbh that’s probably a blood grudge the Hyuga hold until Naruto’s time even though they stay in Konoha and Ignis is known among the hyuga not only as the blind member but the Stolen Hyuga. A warning to all hyuga of what will happen if they are not careful with their eyes and other such nonsense that only works because younger Hyuga don’t interact with Yoru enough to know that he’s a really chill dude and Ignis is happy where he is.

The Inuzuka are not too thrilled at first, but more laidback about it? Gladio still visits and they can tell that he’s Super Happy about being reunited with Yoru, and Yoru is polite and respectful to them and their dogs like him and you can never go wrong with the opinion of dogs in an Inuzuka’s eyes.

The Aburame ... are honestly the most chill about this? They aren’t too thrilled at first, but Yoru already has a Hyuga and an Inuzuka by then, so there is a precedent, and after a bit of watching it’s clear that these four are basically a Hive unto themselves and Prompto is happy to be there, is healthy and well cared for so they just kinda- shrug and move on. Maybe use the fact that one of their own is “Favored by Yoru” to their advantage during tricky Council meetings generations later.

The oddness and memories thing were long commented on, but ... mostly unnoticed in Hikaru’s case? Among the Branch Clan it was noted, but no one said anything or really thought about it because honestly I doubt the Hyuga have never had an Incident where Branch Members get a bit ... weird post Sealing and post a traumatic experience. That’s a chakra doohickey tattooed to your SKULL, side-effects are not impossible. The Inuzuka noticed it too, but Gladio was still ... himself, just a big more jaded and mature so they let it slide.

The Aburame maybe spent a good few years trying to figure out what the freak happened with Prompto though. Because they’ve never had a bug-a-phobic member before and it’s weird. They love him tho. He’s their disaster child.

Tbh in the Warring States Era nobody was really focused on mental health. If you were loyal to the Clan and could fight that was all that really mattered, weirdo personality changes aside.

Uhhh POVs but only short snips, and pls forgive any inconsistencies with previously establish AU lore my brain is tired and I may not keep all the details 100% straight. Just roll with it.:

Ignis:

After a lifetime of being blind, being able to SEE everything, all around, at any given time is unnerving. This entire era is unnerving and Hikaru has bitten his tongue more than once to keep from railing against it. Against sending CHILDREN, some not much older than toddlers out into the field, against the brand on his head and the heads of so many others that burns on the whim of a Main Branch member.

He keeps his head down, but inside ... he hates. More than a little bit. He is a fractured piece of glass and he knows too much pressure with make him snap, so he does his utmost to avoid those situations (because if he snaps children will get hurt even more than now and nothing will change in the Clan).

Then one day they go to meet Hashirama and Madara, to speak of peace, and of course Hikaru has heard of Yoru, the mysterious forest spirit that supposedly watches over the new village and ensures no fighting happens, but he does not actually think this Yoru will be all that impressive.

He never expects it to be NOCTIS. Noctis, who looks at him with hope and wonder in his eyes, who looks so very unchanged despite lifetimes, who rises and calls him brother and Ignis and friend and CLAIMS him in a way the Clan Head cannot dispute. No one can dispute against Noctis, because he is still a Lucis Caelum and a king and to him, their chakra is pebbles in an ocean.

And for the first time in a long time, Ignis is happy. Ignis has hope.

...

Gladio

Gladiolus loves his new family, and he knows they love him back. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t miss his old life like a wound in his side. Iris’s presence makes it a bit better but also not, because war is cruel and no one cares that she is still so young (older than the other Clans children sent to the field, because Inuzuka treasure their puppies, but still far too YOUNG to the mind of a Shield and Crownsguard). He loves his canine partner and the Pack, he loves that they don’t really question his memories, how his personality has matured and changed since the incident that woke him up.

Even so...

Even so, the absence of his brothers is a bleeding wound in his heart, and when the Clan Head looks at him, Gladio knows the man can see that in his heart of hearts, Gladio is not part of their Pack. He is family, but he has another Pack, another Alpha he swore to a lifetime ago, and that loyalty still howls in his soul far stronger than even the ties of blood and Pack and love that binds him to the Inuzuka.

So perhaps that is why the Clan Head does not look as outraged or surprised as he could have been when Yoru finds him, when NOCTIS looks back at Gladio from an eerily familiar yet not face. That is why, while the Hyuga sputter in shock when Gladio hugs Ignis tight and spins him in a circle for joy, the Inuzuka just watch with comprehension dawning in their eyes. Gladio looks to his Clan Head and says he’s going with Yoru and there is not request for permission. Just a courtesy of announcement. Because THIS- this is his Pack, his Alpha, his Beta, his brothers and littermates. He will follow them above all.

And the Clan Head lets him go.

...

Prompto:

Prompto wants to know who he ticked off in his past life that had a say in the next, because he HAD to have ticked off someone. Why else would he have been reborn into a clan of LIVING HIVE PEOPLE???????

He thinks he distresses them- no, he knows he does, when he flinches from the clan techniques and hives, from the little insects and their pheromones that the Clan uses as essentially an insectoid, chakra-based texting system amongst themselves. He knows he stresses out his hive for a long time, flinching from the feel of them inside him, from the skitter of their legs and wings and the whisper of their tiny, simple little thoughts in his own when they talk to him.

It .... it’s bad for a while. A WHILE. Bad enough the Clan won’t let him fight (which is fine with him) but also bad enough he loses weight and can’t sleep from the hive buzzing buzzing buzzing under his skin from his distress toward them.

It’s his great great grandma that saves him, quite literally, because an Aburame that rejects the hive is an Aburame who dies, not by any malicious intent on the Clans’ part but just- biologically. Just like starving to death will kill him, rejecting his Hive will kill him too and he KNOWS that but he can’t just- turn off his fear.

Then one day Elder Maya, the oldest living Aburame, sends for him. He comes to her private house with shivering skin and jumping senses and the hyper-awareness of the things inside him buzzing buzzing buzzing trying to remove the source of his distress and making it worse because they WERE his distress-.

Elder Maya takes his shaking hands and leads him to her garden.

It’s- it’s beautiful. It’s so beautiful he could cry for his long lost camera of another life. There are colors everywhere, blues and greens, reds, pinks, whites, and mixed splashes of yellow and purple- flowers that stand tall, flowers that droop, flowers dangling from the vines growing up tree trunks.

And everywhere there were flowers, there were butterflies. Butterflies and ladybugs, the two insects he wasn’t completely creeped out by because they were so pretty and photogenic, and for a moment Prompto is so awed his shaking stops, the Hive inside him goes quiet. A butterfly flaps lazily over to him, a glorious thing with vivid blue wings the color of magic and black dots and swirls that remind him of fire. It settles on his hand and he doesn’t flinch from it like he does the kikachu of the clan, just stays quiet and watches it with a bit of awe.

“You are not scared of these ones,” Elder Maya hums.

“U-um ... no,” he whispers as he watches it, “they’re ... pretty. Cute. They don’t ... they don’t look like they’ll hurt me.” And that’s not really his issue with the Kikaichu, but he can’t explain a phobia to ninja, not well anyway.

“Good,” says his great great grandmother, but not with her lips, with the soft splash of impression-scent-sensation from the butterfly on his hand and he gapes as he realizes THIS is her hive. These ladybugs and butterflies are Elder Maya’s hive. He stares at her and she adjusts the dark glasses she wears, “I will give you some of mine. Why? So you can cultivate a new Hive that you will not be afraid of.”

And she does. And it’s CREEPY, but also ... kinda not? It’s ... it still freaks him out to have bugs under his skin, but these ones ... he knows these ones. He chose them, he hatched them, he raised them. They are beautiful and deadly and soft looking and can strip flesh from a target in seconds and he wishes he had a camera because it would be so cool to have butterflies that can pose on command.

It’s a rocky road, but his shaking stops, and his weight goes back to normal, and his sleep schedule returns, and all the Clan breathes a sigh of relief when they see Prompto ambling around, not flinching from the glittery blue butterflies flitting on his shoulders.

And it’s not like his old life, his brothers he misses so badly, but its kinda nice to never be alone. Wherever he goes, his Hive goes, and his new Queens are kinda ... bossy almost and its endearing in a creepy kinda way. The only thing that would make life better, make it perfect (other than to not need a Hive in the first place) would be to have his brothers again.

And then they go to the new village of Konoha, and he meets the famed and terrifying Yoru, who isn’t terrifying at all, but is instead old and tired and blue eyed, and a fish lover and when he smiles, crooked and shy at Prompto all his Hive SINGS under his skin because he KNOWS.

And suddenly the world is perfect again.

[analyzingadventure]

Emerging from the endless void to 1) react to some Psi episodes and catch up a little and 2) say that I did in fact see that new poster/key visual for Psi and I LITERALLY CALLED THEY WERE GONNA DO THAT HOLY FUCK LMAO

Anyways!! EPISODE 34 TO 36! (Not catching up fully but just a lil)

Tailmon.... baby.... I’ve missed you so much...

I am deeply enjoying how Tailmon has revelant information about Mille’s plans etc to share with the kids- like y’all know how I love the Villian Theory in Adventure, and even when it’s canon in the novels, Tailmon never has any relevant information to share beyond getting the Crest of Light back (and while I admit I haven’t properly read the novels I at least don’t remember her giving any useful info) (which is one of the key points against the theory of course), but I’m rambling

Tailmon’s new voice is nice! I do miss her old VA, but new VA is nice

TAILMON CUTE

So they burst a hole into the glass ceiling of this underwater city... and no water is rushing into the city to flood it?

Too lazy to skip back bUT WAS THAT A WHAMON SKELETON?? IS THIS CITY MADE IN/AROUND THE REMAINS OF A GIANT WHAMON??? That’s COOL YO (although that leaves some questions but...whatever)

DAIPENMON! Frontier rights!!

Okay I’m not sure that’s the skull of a Whamon specificially but it could be and regardless THAT IS A COOL DESIGN

MARIN ANGEMON! :D You are very lorge

Wait no LMAO she is very tiny, that’s good lmao

Wait holy shit Daipenmon is huge now that we got a better look djfhdfg

Tailmon.... tiny........ widdle kitty.... Yisss... soft cuddles... good....

Daipenmon is in charge of moving the city?? Holy shit that’s a stronk Digimon

HOW DID IT GREYMON GET THAT HIGH UP?? I CALL BS GREYMON CAN’T FLY FUCK YOU

Mambomon would you please help Tailmon and at least catch her instead of letting her free fall??

God everytime I hear MetalGreymon announce their name during evolution... Oh that’s so sexy and cool... Sakamoto Chika I love you so much

Man remember how big MetalGreymon was when Agumon first evolved that far? MetalGrey has shrunk so much....

BABY HIKARI

(I don’t wanna complain about this because this series has never been particularly good about it but man the animation is a bit wonky in this episode)

MOVING ON! ANGEWOMON!! GIMME ANGEWOMON!!!! EPISODE 35!!

Oh they can just. Breath underwater now. OKAY thanks Marin Angemon??? For this extremely convenient ability???

Amazing, their fire-attacks don’t instantly die within the water either

OH NO DOES SHE HAVE LIKE EVOLUTION PTSD??? (Good thing Agumon and co evolving never triggered her PTSD but oh no baby ;;__;;)

GIGA DESTROYER!!!

Ooooo it’s MarinDevimon time bros

I love how Komondomon didn’t even try to avoid the tentacles or wriggle out of them lmao

I gotta say, I’m kind of already super disappointed that Tailmon was given like evolution PTSD in this episode but she’s also going to overcome it this episode, like, there was no time for that to really sink in, they totally could’ve introduced that character point at least in the previous episode

YEAH HIKARI!! HOLD TAILMON’S PAW!!! ;;__;; SHE WILL HEAL YOUR HEART

NOW GET OVER THAT PTSD, EVOLVE AND KICK MARIN ANGEMON’S ASS

LET’S GOOOOO

THE ANIMATION ISN’T DOING HER JUSTICE BUT SHE’S PRETTY ANYWAYS!!!!!!! ANGEWOMON!!!! AAAAAAAA

(No really though her time in the spotlight didn’t even compare to Angemon’s, I’m sad)

I’m expecting nothing exciting so uh. Moving to Episode 36

Did Koushirou get Vadermon’d???

I’m sorry I still just don’t give a damn about the Human World crisis (and this whole episode is gonna be about that, isn’t it)

Oh lorge Digimon can leave behind remains? Guess that explains the underwater city

Awe, Komondomon is cheering them on c:

dsjfkhfdgjkhsfg Kabuterimon’s reaction to BladeKuwagamon was hilarious jkdhsg

OH YEAH THIS

AFGJKHADFGJJSDGKJDG

I SAW THIS ART ON TWITTER AND OUT OF CONTEXT SPOILERS ON YOUTUBE BUT I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS THIS EPISODE

ALTERNATIVE EVOLUTION PATHS!! BLITZGREYMON!!!! AAAAAAA

THE ONE FUCKING THING I HAD BEEN WISHING FOR AND IT HAS NOW BEEN FULFILLED TWICE!!! (And based on the spoilery poster of the Ultimates all gathered up, will be further explored in the future)

AAAAAAAAAAAA

THIS IS SO FUCKING FUN AND COOL, A THIRD EVOLUTION FOR METALGREY!!! YEEAAAAHHHH

(BTW I love how they did like a lowkey fake out and made us (or at least me) think we were gonna get Mugendramon for a few seconds) (That would’ve been also cool tho)

No pressure Koushirou, ya just gotta save an entire city from being wrecked

Ah, so Koushirou didn’t get Vadermon’d ike in Adventure, they were just lowkey evoking that familiar imagery

Cute, HeracleKabuterimon imagery vwv V cute, v cute

Agumon is glowing red?? Oh it passed, the left-over energy from BlitzGrey

Okay this is all the time I have now to catch up with Psi, I’ll catch up with the rest soon (I hope)

SO LET’S WATCH AN EPISODE PREVIEW!

And nothing interesting in the preview

So uh, summary

Episodes were all mediocre as always, nothing special aside from a few fun moments here and there

I am missing how, due to the power escalation in Psi, we’ve seemingly gone from Devimon being the villian to straight to Milleniummon (who isn’t even revived yet), with no direct villianous force to look out for... Like it just makes Psi feel pretty aimless right now (I think I had the same complaint about Appmon too)...

That said I am deeply enjoying the alternative evolutions (even if they’re just temporary)! I am hoping we might see a little bit more of those but not holding my breath for it (but Toei if you did give us more, specifically for Sora and co, that would be cool)

And now, IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE SPOILERY POSTER DON’T READ FURTHER, GONNA RAMBLE ABOUT THAT FOR A MOMENT

OKAY YOU WERE WARNED

I am just losing my shit how Toei trolled us by fucking building up Seraphimon and Ophanimon and then revealing they’re doing Holydramon and fucking GODDRAMON instead

Like 1) that is great fucking trolling and I applaud them for it

2) While I’m sad about the Ophanimon rights... Holy shit we’re gonna see Goddramon??? That’s new! THAT’S FUN that’s interesting! THAT’S REFRESHING! I’m so tired of Seraphimon that the idea of seeing Goddramon is fucking hype as hell!

Like honestly I’m just gonna lament how we’re probably not gonna see a full line-up for alternative Ultimates for the whole group (I mean I’m sure Yamato is gonna get one just like Taichi did but the others probs not), but like, any change to the line up will still be refreshing, fun and different, so I’m here for it!

As always, I have no idea where Psi is going, it’s been real mediocre so far, but I’m still really curious what they’re planning so ye!

[talkfastromance4]

omg okay so i like i get really bad migraines so what if you do like the reader comes home from a stressful day at work with a horrible migraine and luke or cal (whichever) just comforts them and it’s super fluffy ugh🥺

aw man, i feel your pain on the bad migraines. if you don’t already, get excederin! it really helps when i have migraines! they absolutely suck. i decided to go with luke on this one. i hope you like it! 😚💕

donate to my ko-fi here :) –for a trip to disney world I’m going on in March!

• • • •

Your head has been pounding all afternoon. A constant pressure surrounds your head, there’s a constant ringing in your ears and every time you made the slightest of movements you felt a wave of nausea.

The pain seeped into your neck and the lights from oncoming cars did not help your situation. You couldn’t wait to get home. 

Tired and fatigued, you literally dropped all of your things at the front door and walked heavily to your bedroom. You heard the shower running in the bathroom and Luke’s soft voice singing. You changed quickly and crawled on his side of the bed, holding your head to try and relieve some of the pressure.

Luke is still singing when he opens the door and the bathroom light floods you in it, he greets you happily and you moan. 

“Uh oh, migraine?” he asks toweling his hair. He slips a t-shirt on and some sweatpants.

“Mhm,” you groan painfully.

“Hang on, I’ll be right back.”

He flicks the light off and makes sure the curtains are fully closed so you’re surrounded in darkness. He knows even the faintest of lights makes it worse for you. 

You can tell he’s back by the way the bed dips.

“C’mere, lay on top of me,” he tells you in a soft voice. 

You drag your heavy body on top of his and smell peppermint on his fingers. Then his long fingers probe the base of your neck and up your skull, massaging the oil into your hair and skin. 

You sigh in contentment, his fingers working magic. The gentle rise and fall of his chest soothes you as well, and he presses his lips to your hair a few times. 

“Is this helping?” he asks gently.

“So much,” you sigh inhaling his scent. 

“Maybe you should try that piercing they say helps with migraines,” he suggests. 

“Maybe.”

His fingers continue to massage down your shoulders and your back, then works his way up again into your head. You’re completely relaxed and the migraine is slipping away.

“You have magic fingers.”

He chuckles lowly and continues to massage your scalp until you’re fast asleep.

• • • •

Taglist: @galcalirwin @cashtonasff5sos@wokeupinjapanisabop @myloverboyash  @rotten-kandy @tea4sykes @jannimoeller3

[swellwriting]

LOVER Pt.1

- I Forgot That You Existed -

Bucky x Reader/ The Winter Soldier x Reader

A/N: Welcome to the beginning of this journey, hope you are excited for the rest of the story, please let me know what you think, like/ leave a comment/ reblog and all that stuff it’s really appreciated :))

Word Count: 2.7k      Series Masterlist   Part 2

Warnings: Just violence for this chapter.

Hydra had fallen and S.H.E.I.L.D had fallen with it, given they were truly one and the same in the end. But just because the secret was out, it did not mean that Hydra had gone extinct. They thrived working in the shadows and casting new light just made more shadows in new places for them to hide. Like rats they scurry from one safe place to another, making new hidden bases, moving back and rebuilding old ones. That was their dumbest tactic.

On their tails, they had the Avengers chasing them, and the Avengers weren’t easy to hide from since they seemed to be growing in numbers every day.

To make matters worse for them, because you just loved to make things worse for the organization that ruined your life and stole it from you in more ways than you could count, they had you, their very own prized “Asset Number 2” who was living just to continue to kill them all. You wouldn’t stop until you could safely say that Hydra was a thing of the past.

And any new organizations like Hydra that came up, you would put their fire out before they could burn someone else as they did to you, as they did to him.

You would search for intel, scan digital global maps, return to old bases trying to find where the disease of Hydra had spread to next. Hydra was right to call themselves by this name, Lerneaen Hydra being the type of monster that when you cut one head off, two more would grow in its place. It was tiring chasing after the “heads” but what else was their really to do with your life, with your abilities, work in a small town diner? Not a chance.

You consider for a moment what it would be like, serving drinks with a cherry fake smile, winking at men that made your stomach curl for an extra tip, and then bringing them out back and slitting their throats for trying to put a hand up your short uniform skirt? It would just never work out.

The explosive device you had set on the door goes off, blowing your hair back and spreading a bit of heat against your cheeks.

“That was a close one.” You thought aloud, feeling your face to make sure your eyebrows were still there. You had been looking into this specific base for a long time, you were tired of trying to figure out passwords and lock codes so you did a small heist of the local police department armoury and decided the loud and proud approach was more your style today. The alarms blared like music to your ears.

“That’s right, panic, scurry around like rats, grab a weapon, it won’t help you.” You say in a sing-song voice, purely for your own amusement, it had been a long while since you had had a partner to joke with.

You grab your .44 magnum revolver from your thigh holster, lean up against the wall and listen for nearing footsteps around the corner, you check and make sure you have all nine bullets loaded and when you hear the tip tap of the scurrying rats you duck down and peer around the corner, shooting upward as the men run towards you in blind panic. There were six of them, you counted each one as you put a bullet in their heads, even as they realized you were there and went to turn and run you were too fast.

You took a moment to admire your work because hell if you didn’t who else would?

The men wore bleachy white lab coats now stained in their own dark blood, “damn lab rats,” you say with a spite filled yet satisfied grunt as you spit on their bodies.

You look down the hallway, no one else seems to be there but you know better than to waltz down there with only three bullets left. You grab a grenade off your hip, pull the pin and hold it to your lips as you count to three before dramatically rolling it down the long hallway like a bowling ball until it hits the door at the end and stops.

You hear men begin to yell “grenade” but your timing’s too perfect, they don’t even finish the word before their lips are probably blown right off their faces.

“Strike!” You congratulate your self as you slowly stride down the hallway, a swagger to your step. Fuck a diner, this was what you were good at. You excelled at this.

One of the men wasn’t quite dead, you walk up to him, stick the heel of your boot into his chest where the skin is torn open and then kiss the blade of your knife before pushing it through his heart. You fake a frown as you watch the light leave his eyes.

“Awe just a spare, you ruined my streak!”

As if human lives were equivalent to bowling pins, but in your mind, the lives of Hydra officers were lower, even lower than an inanimate object, but can anyone blame you, they treated you the same way.

You skip down the hallway, twirling your knife in your hands until you think you hear a noise, holstering your knife you grab your prized AP4 gun off your back and hold it up to your line of sight, tired of the dramatics and wanting to see Hydra blood splattered on the walls of their underground steel hell box.

You find nothing and no one as you kick the door to the lab open.

In total there were only a few lab rats and couple meek soldier mice? Hydra must be feeling the pressure you’ve been putting on them lately, good.

You plug in your USB and start the download of all their files, this will help you figure out what Hydra’s up to and where their other basses might be.

You hear a noise down the hall, one expertly quiet footstep that only a super-soldier would notice, you should have checked the surroundings before you left your back so open, someone comes in and you raise your gun at them about to yell at them to drop their weapon, until you realize you are being held up by a man with a bow and arrow.

You laugh for a moment, he shoots an arrow as you lower your gun and you catch it, breaking it in half thanks to your super-soldier strength and laugh. Your laugh fades to shock when someone walks in beside him, his gun is covering part of his face but you recognize that metal arm, that messy hair that needs to be trimmed, his face as he lowers the gun a bit to look at you.

“Winter?” You ask, losing all of your focus as your mind panics and before you realize the stupid arrow guy shot again, right into your stomach, it feels like a sharp pain, it goes straight up your spine and into your head making your vision go blank and your stomach ache. You’re lying on the ground, when did you fall?

“Fuck,” you say but it comes out so quiet and you feel so weak, you squeeze your fingers to stay awake, to focus but something is wrong, something is so very wrong.

You hear faint footsteps.

“Someone already cleared out this base, I’m assuming it’s our gal there that you shot in the stomach without thinking.” Says a voice you swear sounds like Tony Stark, or at least how he sounds on tv.

“She was pointing a gun at me!” Clint defends and Bucky chuckles as he walks over to you, you’re alive and struggling on the floor, like an animal, helpless and visibly angry about it as you grab at your stomach.

“She’s not dead,” Bucky confirms as he grabs your hand, but he doesn’t look at you like he knows who you are, he doesn’t look sad to see you dying on the floor. And as the pain fills your body, as your head pounds against your skull, your eyes water, your mouth tastes tangy like metal you realize he has no idea who you are, your eyes go wide as you desperately try to speak to him, but you spit up blood which horrifies him.

“Impossible, I’m using those arrows you made me Tony, you said instant kill, that doesn’t look instant.”

“They are poison coated, Legolas, the poison should kill any normal person within seconds, seems our gal here is both a badass Hydra killer and a special enhanced. Barnes bring her on the jet, let’s nuke this joint.”

Clint instantly feels bad as he watches Bucky carry you away, how was he supposed to know you had killed those guys in the hallway, he came in after Nat and Cap who went into a different room, so he just assumed they had taken care of them. He looks at the small pool of blood you left behind on the ground and then grabs your USB, putting it in his pocket and hoping he can give it to you later.

You are only partially conscious, conscious enough to hear and to feel the pain circling your body but that’s about it.

You feel them lay you down and then strap you in, a safety measure, perhaps to keep you in place, or more for their own safety, you aren’t sure. You blackout from the pain, only waking up sometime later, you aren’t sure where or how long it’s been but the room is bright white, it’s filled with fancy technology on the walls and a nurse looks you in the eyes and then scurries away to get the others.

You blink a few times, sit up even though it sends shooting pain up your spine and to your toes, your brain feels numb, they must be heavily medicating you, and to achieve that they must know about your…abilities.

“We go into lots of Hydra bunkers, it’s not rare to find specially enhanced soldiers there, or traces of their past existence, but it is rare to find one who seems to be doing exactly what we were,” Tony says as the room quickly fills with various curious Avengers

“Do you usually shoot at them too?” You ask.

“No.” Tony answers easily while Wanda answers simultaniously, “yes.”

Tony looks at her, raises a playfull brow which gets him a shoulder shrug in return, and then turns back to you.

“Lets cut to the chase, you’re special. Another Super soldier by the looks of it,” he says as he flips through your lab results.

“I’m the same as Winter, same make, different model.” You joke as you gesture to your body.

“Winter?” Steve asks confused.

“Yeah, Winter, he is the only reason I even got shot, he broke my focus. I’ll never be killed by a dude with a damn bow and arrow.” You counter thinking that somehow answers who Winter is.

“Who is Winter?” Tony says, asking you again.

“How do you not know who he is? He was with you, in the base, on that jet. I saw him and blanked. The Winter Soldier, I’m exactly like him, he helped them create me, I am a copy of him.”

“Let me guess your name is Summer right?” Tony jokes.

“Spring, actually. Hydra is really creative, luckily they maxed out at two of us and didn’t run out of seasons.”

Tony chuckles at the nickname and speaks up, “FRIDAY, call Barnes to the medical ward.”

Then you just wait, still confused still in pain as the love of your life walks through the door.

“You didn’t tell us you knew our almost casualty here?” Tony asks and Steve listens intently, never having heard of “Spring” before now.

“I don’t?” He answers and your heart drops. You were right, your hunch from the way he looked at you before was right, it wasn’t that he moved on and didn’t care, it’s that he completely forgot, he has no idea who you are.

The Avengers, or at least the ones in the room, Steve, Tony, Clint, Sam, Wanda and Bucky, all stare at you with looks of confusion and some filled with accusation.

“So your story doesn’t work,” Sam suggests, instantly not trusting you, not that the others trust you any more than he does.

“It’s not a story, or an excuse it’s the truth. I was The Spring Soldier, Asset number 2, I was created by Hydra, I was the only person they found who could survive the half-assed knock off serum they created and used on Winter first. I was trained by Winter, he was my partner, my lover.” You say the last part quietly and they pretend not to notice as you look at your hands.

“You just don’t remember me, it’s happened before,” you finish.

“I thought you got all your memories back Buck?” Steve asks.

Clint chimes in, “How do you even know if you remember everything you…forgot,” but no one pays attention to him.

“I do,” Bucky assures himself aloud.

“I forgot you existed once too, and I’ve dealt with you forgetting me before too. After you left Hydra I couldn’t find you anywhere for years, they said you went chasing after some old friend, they couldn’t find you either.

I heard that you joined the Avengers and there were all these trials in the news and it seemed like you had moved on and I was tired of chasing after you so I thought it was my turn to forget, I begged a lower officer to perform the procedure, I thought to forget you would be hard, painful. I thought that it would kill me, but it didn’t. It wasn’t long before the memories rushed back. You should remember me too by now. What all do you remember, about the past?” You spill your guts, quickly running over your past skipping some of the darker moments. You ask the question as calm and collected as you can, masking the heartbreak as you search for answers.

“I remember Hydra, I remember the war and I remember Steve but not you,” he says so flatly like he isn’t bothered. As if he isn’t even trying to rack his brain for memories of you.

And he looks at you in this way that breaks your heart, behind his eyes there isn’t love, there isn’t hate, just indifference.

And it hurts because you want him back so badly but he doesn’t seem to care. As painful as the past is you crave it at this moment. Life with Winter was hectic and hard but it was worth it to be with him, this peaceful and quietness that lingered without him, without being part of Hydra was deadly. And then he had to twist the knife.

“I remember everyone I’ve ever killed, I remember everything the soldier did but I am not him.”

“Yes, you are!” You say raising your voice a little, like a wounded animal backed up against the wall.

“No, I’m not.” He says and he doesn’t yell but he says it like he’s so sure of himself and it hurts, a blow to the heart as if he’s stomping on the memories as if he’s ripping up pictures in your face. And he isn’t saying the words out loud, he’s not saying he doesn’t love you, but he might as well be.

As Bucky leaves the room in a rush the team gives you a new mix of looks. Tony looks at you as if you’re a new project, something begging to be fixed. Clint looks guilty and confused. Sam and Steve are both defensive, they had spent so long helping Bucky move on from his past, helping him believe he wasn’t the same person, that it wasn’t his fault and here you come, ruining that idea.

Wanda looked neutral, like she sort of felt bad for you but also didn’t trust you either.

The love of your life just walked out the door, leaving you behind like dust without a second thought, for what felt like the hundredth time, and you were stuck in a room of strangers who were all silently judging you and making their own opinions on you.

To make it worse you were handcuffed and strapped to this damn hospital bed. You had to get Winter or Bucky to remember you and you had to get the entirety of the Avengers to trust you and believe you aren’t a threat. What a fucking nightmare.

Part 2

Tag List: @finnofamerica @theseuscmander @fortisfiliae @theboywhocriedlupin @draqcnheartstrinq @carolinesbookworld 

Let me know if you would like to be tagged, this series is getting its own special taglist since I discontinued all my other ones.

[unfallen-angel]

Winds and Storms PT. 13

** Gif is not mine **

Masterlist  //  Part 12  //  Part 14

Pairing: Bucky x FEM!reader

WC: About 2k

Warning: Some language. Some fighting. ANGST.

Gosh I love Bucky Barnes so much. Here is the next installment. I think I’m going to wrap it up soon because I don’t want to drag it on for too long. I’m sure I’ll write a lot more Bucky and other MCU characters.

Taglist is open if you still want to be tagged in this series or any of my other posts. Please check out my master list and send me any feedback! It’s always welcome! Seriously!

Tony spends the next hour and a half tell Nick Fury about your past and how they acquired you as an asset to the team. Explaining nearly everything, but leaving out a few of the finer details. Like you being kidnapped and experimented on by H.Y.D.R.A. Those tiny details weren’t really that important, right?

Bucky stood up after Tony finished his extended lecture and cracked his knuckles loudly. “It’s obvious that y/n is not a potential threat to anyone. Can we please just get back to our normal routine and forget about all this?” His fingers grasp your shoulder and squeeze gently.

You reach up and place your fingers over his, tracing your fingertips over the cold metal hand. “I wish it were that simple,” you whisper. “What is it that you want from me?” you ask Fury directly.

“I wish it were that simple,” he repeats your words and smirks, the corner of his mouth tilting up mischievously. “I’ve heard about these...gifts that you possess. S.H.I.E.L.D. could use something like that. A power like that could be harnessed to do a lot of good in the world.”

“It could also do a lot of bad,” Steve interjected sternly. “I don’t like where this is going.” He crosses his arms across his broad chest and moves to stand in front of the door like a human shield.

“Unfortunately it’s not up to you, captain,” Fury responds calmly, his one good eye leveling on you once more. “It’s not up to you either,” he says as you open your mouth to speak. “I’ve come to collect you so we can either do this the easy way or the hard way.”

Bucky lets you go and moves to stand in front of you. The metal in his arm coming to life as the plates shift quietly. “I don’t think you’ll like where this will end up, sir,” he says and his voice is low and deadly. His shoulders are relaxed, but his stance is dangerous. You could pick out the Soldier in the way Bucky moves his head and eyes, like a predator waiting for his prey.

“Stand down, Soldier,” Fury says sternly, but nobody moves a muscle.

“She’s one of us. If you want her then you’ll have to go through all of us,” Steve states and comes to stand beside his oldest friend. “She means more to us than you’ll ever realize and we’re not going to give her up easily.”

“I’m not a piece of property! You can’t just stake a claim and then expect to fight for it like you’re fighting for my virtue! I’m not leaving this compound for a while.” You stand and all but stomp your foot for emphasis. “You can’t just come in here with this S.H.I.E.L.D. bullshit and expect me to just bow down and submit to you. I’m a human being. I stayed in hiding for all these years to keep away from people like you!” Your fingers lace with Bucky’s and Steve’s as you stand between the two super soldiers, comforted by their massive forms.

However, it still wasn’t enough.

Fury looks over your shoulder and suddenly there is a cold barrel pressing against the base of your skull. “Agent Hill will escort you out now. I was afraid this would turn ugly.”

“How the hell did she get in here?” Tony roars, outraged by the breach in security yet again. “This is ridiculous!”

“Don’t be too hard on yourself. I overrode the system so you wouldn’t know who was coming or going. It should be back up within the next hour or two. No harm done.” Fury waves his gloved hand in a flourish and grabs you by the elbow. Agent Hill grabs your other arm and they both walk you out of the building like a deranged criminal. Your eyes met Bucky’s in a desperate plea, but he just watched helplessly, knowing that if he tried anything they would kill you without hesitation. He had found you once. He would find you again.

Deep in the pit of your stomach you could feel something churning. A hatred toward the situation that you found yourself in. A helplessness toward the broken look in Bucky’s eyes. An anger toward the people that treated you no better than a science experiment. The air around your form began to vibrate, to hum with an energy that was all but unfamiliar to you. It felt almost as if the energy around you was whip, coiled and ready to go, and all you had to do was let it go.

Testing the new feeling that was slowly seeping over every nerve ending in your body, you urged the air to whirl around you, causing just a slight breeze. Something that even the average person would just assume was the weather. You felt nothing like you used to. Not even a tingle of uncontrolled power. This feeling was entirely different, and it was hard to even put into words. You just knew that this power, this energy was yours and you could do whatever you wanted to do with it and it would not leave you depleted.

The whole team had followed Fury and Hill out of the compound and were voicing protests as the three of you approached the band of blacked out SUVs that they had arrived in. “I’m so sorry,” you whispered quietly to them and inhaled deeply. Agent Hill looked at you, confused, as your hair started to quiver.

“Oh shit,” you heard Nat say. “Get back. Get down. Do something because this is not going to be pretty!”

It felt as if you had drawn in all the energy from everything around you until it was coiled tightly around your entire frame, and just when it felt so tight that you were afraid you couldn’t breathe, you exhaled and the rush of energy erupted from your body. The gust knocked both Fury and Hill to the ground several feet away. They both landed with a hard thump. It rocked the SUVs to the side and the balanced on two wheels for a few moments before slamming back down on all four wheels, metal crunching as the tired bounced twice before settling.

You could tell that you had created a window for yourself to escape, but for some reason you found that you couldn’t move your feet. You were planted firmly where you stood as the energy churned and pulsated around you. Drawing close to your skin and then pushing out again. It was almost mesmerizing to watch. Willing the energy to stop, you curled your fists into tight balls, but it only seemed to make it worse.

The feeling in your stomach kept rolling. The energy around you kept churning. It felt equivalent to nearly being crushed to death by the pressure of deep sea diving, whatever that feels like. Panicked, you glance over your shoulder at Bucky and the rest of the team, but none of them made a move to come near you. Fury and Hill had also stood and were watching you closely but unwilling to approach. No one in their right mind would want to get near that massive jolt of energy.

As quickly as it started, the pulsating energy seemed to just vanish. The twisting tendrils disappeared within your body, but the feeling only intensified. You open your mouth to scream, but no sound comes out. Your hair continues to whip around your face like you’re standing in the middle of a twister. Dropping to your knees, you feel completely overwhelmed and helpless, like there was nothing else to do but surrender completely.

You realize just how wrong you had been to feel at ease with yourself. Whatever they had done to you in that base, you were far from better. Far from ever being in control of yourself. Far from being as confident as you were not even moments ago. You hear Bucky shout your name over and over as the feeling overwhelms you, the pressure crushing you all the way down to your soul.

And then it’s over. In a blinding flash of light and tremendous roll  of thunder, all the energy you had absorbed shot out of your body and leveled everything in front of you. Fury and Hill jumped to the side as the rocket shot past them. The SUVs were gone, nothing left but a few bits of crumpled steel and a large crater where they used to be parked. It was a massive blow that you hadn’t even meant to do.

Bucky shouts your name once more as he surges forward to get to you. No one else moves. They’re too shocked to do anything other than blink at the destruction before them. “Are you hurt?” Bucky pants as he drops to his knees in front of you.

You look up at him, tears staining your dusty cheeks, and just shake your head. Unable to find the words. To find any words for that matter. You couldn’t even fathom what you had just done.

Murder.

That is what you had just done.

The word repeats itself over and over in your mind and all the feelings resurfaced from your childhood. Every accident. Every mishap. Every death. All your fault, and there was nothing that you could ever do about it. Just like now. There was nothing you could do about it.

Bucky reaches out and takes you in his arms, resting his cheek against your hair. He inhales deeply and then lets it out. It almost sounds like he’s relieved, but how can he be? Had he not seen what you had done? Of course he had.

You pull out of his grasp and stumble to your feet. “Don’t touch me,” you gasp. “Don’t come near me.”

“Don’t say that, doll. You wouldn’t hurt me. It’s okay now. You’re safe. I’m sure we can fix this.” Bucky holds out his large hand, pleading you to take it, but there is fear in his eyes. He knows you’re going to run. It’s what you always do. It’s what he always did.

You laugh bitterly. “Fix it? I almost just leveled the compound and I couldn’t stop it! I can’t do this. I thought that whatever H.Y.D.R.A. did they somewhat fixed me. I thought maybe Shuri had fixed me, but I am far from fixed! I can’t even trust myself now! At least before I knew what I was capable of. This!” you sweep your arms out in a large gesture. “I can’t live in fear of doing this to anyone else. I killed those people, Bucky! I killed them. For no reason! AND I COULDN’T STOP!” you shout between broken sobs. “I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry!”

You retreat further into your shell as you continue to back away from Bucky and the rest of the team, who had started to approach warily. Bucky’s eyes glistened with unshed tears as he nodded once, understanding. It hurt like hell, but he understood. He didn’t like it, but he understood.

You want to run to him. To bury yourself in his strong arms and never let go. To get lost in his soft, tender kisses. To feel his lips on yours just once more, but you can’t. You can’t risk killing anyone else. “I love you, James,” you whisper sorrowfully and take off, sprinting from the compound without a backward glance. And they let you go. No one dared come after you.

“I love you too,” He whispered and gasps quietly, choking back a broken sob.

Tears flow freely down your cheeks as you replay Bucky’s heartbroken expression. How he reached for you even after you pulled away. How he whispered ‘I love you’ as you sprinted away.

There was nothing to do now but run. And so you ran. You ran from the fear, the anger, the love, the heartache, the good, the bad. You just ran to get away from it all, but you knew deep down that he would find you. He would always find you.

And that little sliver of hope was all you needed to push yourself forward.

TAGLIST:  @ivartheblessed @hadesgirl1015 @yafriendlyfangirl @slender–spirit @imasxbstxn @laisbeltrans @glassheartandconcreteflowers

[italicwatches]

Comic Girls - Episode 06

Aaaargh. Bureaucracy makes one’s life a living hell. But, phone calls made. Now I just have to…make more of them tomorrow. …Great. Just…Just great. Anyways how about that anime? It’s Comic Girls, episode 06! Here we GO!

-We begin with…A blood moon rising once again! Be careful, Kaos! Wait, am I even in the right show? …Yes. So Kaos is in the baths, when she has a newtype flash of insight about her manga. She has it! She…She…She just saw someone out there! Hanging from a noose?! KYAAAAAH

-So tiny Kaos screaming causes the others to come running, and they see Kaos as nude and tiny as the day she was born but also Koyume doesn’t see…Oh god.

-Oh god she’s coming! SHE’S REAL

-Opening! Complete with an intense mood whiplash from the legit horror.

-So Koyume and Kaos come out to look more thoroughly, and can’t find a damn thing…It was probably just a trick of the light. Better to write it off and just get some ice cream. Though Kaos is still pretty freaked out of possibly seeing an evil spirit.

-And then as they’re in the house, the sky turns red, and the Ringu ghost is upon them again! Kaos goes FULL PANIC and hides behind Koyume, as the terrifying ghost girl steps forward and Kaos ends up fleeing into Ruki’s room because A GHOST IS TRYING TO KILL HER! With all black hair in a white dress and you can’t see her face and AAAAAH

-Okay, okay, calm down, it was probably nothing…Wait where’s Koyume?

-Koyume screams! SHE’S BEEN CAUGHT BY THE GHOST

-Wait Koyume is friends with the ghost! THIS MIGHT BE EVEN WORSE!

-Actually know this is just the spooky goth Fuura-senpai. Fur Suzu, a horror specialist. Who has come back to the dorm to see her dear friends! And she is fascinated by little Kaos’s excellent screams. …Kaos is no less terrified now that she knows Suzu is made of meat. Especially when Suzu comments about her lovely long hair and how it’s said that long hair connotes spiritual strength, and oh the ghosts would love you, aaaand there’s our episode title. Suzu, I think you broke Kaos. Also, Koyume is way too into being snuggled by this spookily cold goth if it means relief from the summer heat. But then, Koyume’s middle name is “way too into”.

-New day! Kaos is trying to think in the stark light of morning, and figure out how to avoid Suzu. OH GOD SHE’S RIGHT THERE. Apparently Suzu actively likes to sneak up behind people when they’re using a mirror just to fuck with them.

-And later, she brings by cookies. In the shape of skulls and severed parts. Or later, she brings by a skeleton! And a mouth full of fake blood. Oh wait, I’m sorry, it’s a dessert treat made to look like fresh gory brain. That’s much less freaky.

-And she puts Kaos to work, posing her with Mr. Bones. Kaos wants off the ride, but Suzu is loving her screams and it’s making such good poses! Aaand then she passes out. Which is about when Ruki and Tsubasa come to the rescue, and Tsubasa has what I am certain are costume prayer beads bought at an anime convention, as she just babbles good sounding words and Suzu is kind of enjoying the idea of Tsubasa purifying and exorcising her.

-Tsubasa please quit turning the spooky goth more gay. You’re causing a ruckus.

-So while she has Suzu pinned, everyone get Kaos out of here! NOW! So eventually Kaos is sobbing into Ruki’s lap as they hide out in Ruki and Tsubasa’s room. But Suzu has taken a liking to Kaos’s screaming and panic. How can they fix this…Ruki, you had to deal with her when you were here, right?

-…Right. Even when sleeping. Or bathing. Or trying to hide. Suzu was always there, always on her like a problematic moral lesson in a slasher movie. She eventually ended up putting the horror of it into her dark romance miniseries The Stalker’s Wife, just to clear her head…But Kaos doesn’t even have the brain-juice to do that. She’s just cowering, terrified, in the corner. So there’s only one way to ditch Suzu…and it’s to make her feel bored. She’ll leave you alone once you’re no longer a fun toy.

-So as night falls, they barricade the door to Ruki and Tsubasa’s room, and prepare to make their grand last stand…The skies turn black, and then to red, as the blood moon rises once again. Furious red rain comes down, and scarlet lightning splits the sky, as Suzu comes seeking her prize! She bangs on the door, demanding her Kaos-chan…

-When a bolt of lightning strikes close enough for the thunder to be deafening, and Suzu panics, screaming as a woman possessed to let her in! She’s terrified of the thunder! Terrified and lonely…Lost without her own roommate, who got out of the game…So alone…So cold and alone…!

-The wind breaks the window, Suzu’s fingers pierce the rice-paper door, and basically everyone just starts screaming at each other. But some real earnestness comes out of Suzu, who knows she’s weird, knows people are afraid of her, and she’s so very alone because of it…

-And Kaos, suddenly feels a flash of empathy. She knows that fate all too well. She knows exactly what it is, as she slams open the door, standing before the crying Suzu…Who then promptly steals her away into darkness. Dammit Kaos, you’re too kindhearted.

-Also she notices how big Suzu’s chest is, and dammit Kaos, you’re too thirsty. But as the lights come on, and the wind clears Suzu’s hair out of her eyes, Kaos sees not a terrifying spooky goth, but an adorable goth-girl who she kind of wants to fuck. Well shit.

-New day! Kaos and Koyume are trying to get to know Suzu better and more calmly in the light of day…And Suzu is finding all this normalcy a bit overwhelming. While Ruki works, and reflects on how Kaos just seems to have a way to bring out the vulnerability in otherwise mature girls…Feeling like you have a rival? No, nooooo, nnno! Shut up. Uh uh. Sure thing. She’s just glad that Suzu has someone who gets her…

-SUDDENLY SUZU IN THE MIRROR

-Ruki screams.

-Episode 06: I’ll Go Shave All My Hair Off!

-Another new day. With another face. It’s…Ah haaaaa. The cosplayer from before, Miharu! Who’s not one of the editors, but their beautiful teacher lady! Her secret otaku life is still safe! And now she’s going to head out.

-Cut to the dorm, where Tsubasa got like zero sleep. She went up in the readership rankings, which is good, but also more pressure, and she doesn’t know what changed…And if she falls asleep in class, oh, it’ll be the worst.

-To school, where the girls run into their stern but beautiful Nijino-sensei and Kaos is letting her thirst overwhelm her nerves. …Dammit Kaos. She even drew a cute and beautiful teacher based on Nijino-sensei…Who hears them whispering about something, and did she hear her name? Oh god, they know her secret! They know she’s a secret otaku! Basement dwelling trash! A weirdo! A real freak! She hides, and tries to listen in…

-As the girls critique Kaos’s new character design and try to figure out how to give it that last little pop. You’re going for cute, but she needs a bit of that gap moe. A little splash of something different between how she presents herself and how she really is…Ruki’s mind goes to the erotic, like she’s super serious but secretly wears sexy lingerie! And Miharu hears that and just goes beet red. WHAT WERE YOU GIRLS TALING ABOUT???

-Okay, class. Calm down, Miharu. Just teach the girls like normal. Just teach your class. Just teach the girls and every…Tsubasa is already asleep. At least PRETEND to be here to learn! And so she hauls Tsubasa out into the hall, to ask why she’s so very tired…Of course, Miharu is suspecting it’s late night otaku behavior. And Tsubasa cannot, possibly, ever, admit that she’s drawing manga. Are you staying up late at night, Tsubasa? Um, well, er, you see…

-And finally, Koyume leaps out into the crossfire to try and save her senpai, and tries to take responsibility! Koyume you’re not even in this class.

-By lunchtime, Tsubasa’s trying to wake up with caffeinated drinks, and they’re trying to figure out a plan that doesn’t involve admitting that Tsubasa draws manga for a living. …Also Kaos please put your thirst away and focus. I swear to god getting this girl to function is like dragging a dog away from a boneyard, full of squirrels, that are made of bacon. The metaphor kind of got lost there.

-But Tsubasa has no options. Not least because Wing V must be kept secret. None can know that Wing V is just a high school girl who grew up reading Jump…Also everyone quietly realizes that Tsubasa actually still thinks that pen name sounds cool. Oh god she’s a dork. Look, at least stay awake through the next class, okay?

-And Tsubasa tries to stay awake…by…drawing instead of working or taking notes. Which Nijino-sensei finds! Oh god it’s all over! They’re doomed! They’re all going to be expelled or forced to quit their jobs or BOTH! And Nijino-sensei, at the end of class, doesn’t just take Tsubasa aside, but all the way out…to…the…roof?! This looks less like a scolding and more like a confession, Nijino-sensei. And out here, she wants to know, very seriously…

-Are you also a fan of The Dark Hero?! Wait what now. Miharu’s been a fan since the very first chapter! She’s a huge fan of Wing V’s work! And this…This is so good it almost looks official! …Yes. Fan. Fan of Wing V. Exactly. That’s it. What do you like about The Dark Hero, Nijino-sensei? It’s the art, and the story, and the cute protagonist! …Cute, not cool and badass?

-Yes, he’s like a spunky little brat, but he’s got such a good heart despite his acting out, she just wants to discipline him and clean him up into her own little handsome man! Wait you didn’t hear that. So Tsubasa had never considered this layer of appeal to her hero, but also Miharu asks if Tsubasa ever goes to fan events and stuff. Um, well, you see…

-And that’s when Kaos comes and runs out, and…Reveals that Tsubasa is…Is…!

-Oh shit I thought it would be like some fakeout. No she really just straight up revealed that Tsubasa IS Wing V! …Miharu doesn’t take it well. In fact, she rolls to disbelieve. She refuses to accept this possibility! But with no option left but the truth, Tsubasa reveals her manuscript she was working on just this morning…

-And Miharu is overwhelmed by its brilliance! To see the raw work of her favorite mangaka before her very eyes, here, at this school! To be standing before greatness! She is humbled, to her very knees to beg forgiveness! And she can only ask, if Tsubasa was there for the anime event at the amusement park last week…

-Nnno. She just happened to go to the park that day to, you know, go to the park. OH GOD MIHARU’S SECRET IS SAFE. And Tsubasa has to admit that she can’t ever go to that stuff. So many people think Wing V is an older man, since she pulls on such classic tropes and styles, and so she’s got to hide herself for now. So, please keep her identity secret. …But…It really, really was something special, to actually stand before a fan.

-And Kaos is watching the whole thing and sees the gap moe she was looking for! She can USE this! Also soon all the secrets are out. Well, some of the secrets. Nijino-sensei gets to learn they all draw manga, though I imagine not what, say, Ruki does. I don’t think her heart could take discovering that she has Wing V and Big Boob <3 Himeko in her class. And she hears they all, live in a dorm together…wait…wait wait wait.

-That night she calls her good friend who runs an artist’s dorm and THREE OF YOUR GIRLS ARE HER STUDENTS YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING! She could have, well, not gone easy on them, but…The point is you should’ve told her!

-To Kaos’s latest submission meeting. Where she has a pitch built entirely on gap moe, on girls who are far more gentle and kind than their various intimidating demeanors would depict! From the spooky but cute ghost girl, to the stern teacher who’s a secret fan of cutesy shonen manga. These are great characters…Where’s the story go?

-Story?

-…Keep working on this and come back next time, kiddo. ababababa

-Credits! WITH SPOOKY SUZU HIDING IN THE BACKGROUND THE BLOOD MOON RISES ONCE AGAIN BE CAREFUL KAOS

Oh, that was fun. That was ridiculous fun. Suzu is incredibly spooky…And is going to be in the next episode OH SHIT MORE SPOOKY GOTH. …Hell yeah. Look forward to that next time, in episode SEVEN of Comic Girls! Wait for it!

[missgeek83]

The Homelife Series - Part Two

TITLE: The Homelife Series - Part Two - Decadent AUTHOR: @missgeek83 RATING: NC-17 SUBJECT: Ed Sheeran AUTHOR’S NOTE: GUYS. This. Is super smutty. Straight pr0n. 17+/R/RR - you get the point. Icing, lingerie, and gin. Read at your own risk. Do not read at work. Do not read near others (unless, you know, they’re into that.) BUT - by all means, enjoy…

I sit the last cupcake down on the bed and stand back to admire my artwork. A heart made of red velvet and Oreo cupcakes trails around the black silk sheet, at the center a bottle of Ed’s favorite gin. It was chilling on ice, along with two tumblers and plenty of lime. It had been a long couple of weeks without him and I was past ready for some quality time. The cupcakes were just for giggles. I pull at the bottom of the red lace corset I’d invested in just for this occasion, trying to keep everything from spilling out. While I know he would appreciate a little overfill, it was still a bit chilly in the house. A thought I hadn’t taken into consideration when I decided to also wear the matching red lace thong and fishnets. I’m rolling my eyes at myself when I hear a ‘DING!’ echo from my phone beside the bed. Excitedly, I snatch it up to read the message.

TEDDY i’m five minutes away, love. can’t wait to see your beautiful face. My heart thuds in my chest, anxious to see the object of its desire. I slip on the matching robe to my outfit, a scant black lace with silk trim number, and tread carefully from the bedroom to the living room downstairs. I tap my toes against the hardwood in the foyer until I hear a car drive up. Taking a peek behind the curtain, I see Ed gathering his bags from the trunk of a cab. He’s causally dressed, in his standard jeans and a white tee under his black jean jacket. The wind has picked up slightly and it’s blowing his hair around as he reaches in to pay the cabbie. He waves him off and turns to grab his things and make his way toward the door. When he’s close, I unlock the deadbolt and pull the door open, hiding behind it. “Oh, thanks love. Blimey it’s cold out there.” He lets go of his suitcases and shuts the door. Immediately his eyes widen, then he smirks and raises an eyebrow. “Well, innit this a nice surprise?”“Welcome home,” I say, leaning up to kiss his cheek. He growls playfully, pulling me close. “Been waiting to ravish you ever since I got off the plane, you little minx.” His voice is breathy in my ear, his wind-chilled lips landing on my warm collar. “Oh, but Teddy, wouldn’t you like some dessert first?” “Hmm? Seems I got a perfectly good dessert right here…” He starts to nose his way up my neck but with a giggle I slip under his arms and dance toward the staircase. I look back to see him start after me, so I take off toward the bedroom and start to fill the tumblers with ice. When he enters, I coolly hand him a glass from my cross-legged position at the end of the bed. His eyes scan the scene in front of him. “There’s no way we can eat all these.” “Well, we’ll just have to find some way to use them.” I clink my glass to his and he shakes his head with a smirk before toeing off his shoes and sitting on the floor beneath me. I set my glass down on his night stand and run my fingers through his messy hair. It’s falling in curls at the nape of his neck, twirling around his ears and forehead, and his beard has grown considerably since the last time I saw him. Post-tour-Ed is often times my favorite version of him. He’s tired from the road and for the first week or so only wants to cuddle and hang out around the house. Usually by the end of the second week he’s restless, and I have to trade in my snuggle buddy for trips to the studio or out to see friends. That first night is always a good one, though, and I’ve learned to cherish the peace that comes with having him back. “So what have you been up to? Besides ordering the sexiest outfit on God’s Earth and trying to fatten me up?” He says this, but he’s reaching for an Oreo cupcake. “Besides that? Nothing. Finally hung the canvas though.” He turns to look behind him and chuckles. “Glad to see it fit. Best painting yet, if I do say so.” “Well, it’s the one you were physically the most involved with so I’m sure it holds a special place.” “Very good point.” He takes a massive bite of the cupcake, nearly half. “Mmm, dis is gewbt.” “I’m sorry, what now?” He laughs, cake crumbling down his shirt and onto the carpet. He holds up a finger, making a show of chewing what’s left in his mouth. “I said, this is good. Best bloody cupcakes I’ve had. Where’d you get them?” “I made them. I’ve also been baking a lot while you were gone.” “Damn. Got me a wee pastry chef. Aren’t I a lucky boy?” “Oh, you have no idea.” Tossing his empty wrapper aside, he looks me up and down. “I think I have a pretty good idea.” He sits up on his knees, wrapping his arms loosely around my hips. He bends his neck down to grab at the tie to my robe with his teeth, pulling it out of its bow easily. The pieces fall down between my legs and he uses his nose to part the two sides, trailing upward until he reaches the top of the corset. One hand leaves my back and he languidly traces the red lace, the tips of his fingers ghosting across my skin. “Tied yourself up all nice and neat huh, love? Best welcome home present a bloke could hope for…” He trails off as he slides a finger under the fabric of the corset, then across my nipple, and the rest of his fingers follow as he gently lifts a breast up and over the material. I let my head fall back when he takes it into his mouth and flicks his tongue slowly up and down, hardening my skin to a point. His other hand creeps down my inner thigh and I feel him trying to gain entrance to his favorite spot. Leaning back on my hands, I let my knees fall open further, allowing him to slide two fingers past the thin lace covering my sex. He traces the outline of my outer folds, and I can feel myself getting wetter with every pass. It takes no time for him to get the message and he delves a single finger inside, testing the waters. I look down at him to see him gazing up at me, his mouth still on my nipple. He gives me a wink and adds another finger. They curl upward with each stroke, but every time just barely miss where I need him most, and I whimper in frustration. “Shh, kitten. We’ve been apart too long, I’m gonna take care of you.” He pulls away and reaches for my panties, pulling them down and off before sticking them in his back pocket. I raise an eyebrow. “Saving those for later?” “Got all sorts of plans for you. Can’t spoil 'em now.” He pauses for a second, then reaches for a cupcake. Red velvet this time. He has a mischievous grin on his face, but not for long because he quickly takes a pass over the top of the icing to remove the sprinkles before dipping a finger into it. My brows knit, confused. “Trust me,” he says. Then he gently spreads the icing around my clit and the sensation alone jump starts my heart. I watch as he sucks the excess off of his finger and a shiver runs down my spine, straight to the place currently covered in cream cheese icing. I close my eyes, bracing myself, when suddenly his tongue sets to work cleaning up his mess. He hooks his arms under my thighs and it gives me an anchor just in time because the way he’s licking and sucking has my hips rotating. “Uhn, Teddy, yes.” I risk my balance to thread a hand through his hair, using the leverage to grind myself against his mouth. He responds by closing his lips around the area and sucking gently. It’s just the right amount of delicious pressure and I feel warmth starting to spread to each limb. He adds his fingers back, curling them up and pumping in and out in time with his tongue. “Pleaseeee. Oh, God, baby, please…more.” Without losing contact below, he uses his free hand to gently press on my stomach, signaling for me to lie back. For a moment I despair at losing sight of his curls, but he soon makes up for it by switching up his tactics. Deft fingers rub frantic circles against my clit while his tongue travels through each fold before dipping in and out of my sopping wet center. The bed is rocking with my movements, and a few cupcakes tumble off the end of the bed and onto the floor. I don’t have the capacity to pay them any mind as the fire from my limbs starts to culminate in my chest. After a few more strokes of his hand I can’t hold on anymore and fall off the edge completely. Months of missing him come together in a shout of his name and a sharp buck of my hips against his face. “FUCK! TEDY YES!” The sound reverberates off of the walls, and the black sheet rips away from the top of the bed, clutched tightly in my left hand. Tremors are still rolling through me as I relax on the bed, heaving. When I can finally open my eyes and sit up I see Ed downing the last of his drink. He stands up and bends over me, reaching for the bottle to pour himself another one. Directly below my shoulders, I can see the outline of his hard on straining against his jeans. The thought of it has me licking my lips and itching for round two. I reach out and begin to undo the button, catching a look from Ed, drink poised at his bright pink lips. Our eye contact holds as I push his jeans to the floor and start to slide his boxers over his erection. There’s a tremble from him, the ice in his glass rattling against the sides, when it’s freed and standing straight up in front of me. I grab one of the remaining cupcakes. “Wh-” His voice cracks. He clears his throat. “What’re you gonna do with that?” With an innocent wink, I smear the icing up the length of his cock. Then, with no warning, I take his entire length down my throat. He sputters and the tumbler joins the three or so cupcakes on the carpet. His hands reach under my ears and grip the hair at the base of my skull to hold on as I take him down, his head hitting the back of my throat each time. He’s moaning loudly, using the momentum to fuck my mouth as hard as he knows I’ll allow. I snake a hand up his thigh and press my thumb to the spot just behind his balls, applying a decent amount of pressure. He responds spectacularly, throwing his head back and pulling hard at my hair. I release him for a second, watching his glossy eyes roll down to meet mine. “Mmm, Teddy, you gonna cum for me?” I dive back in for more, but he pulls my head back, then looks as if he immediately regrets it. “No, not yet. Get on your knees.” I do as he says and feel him run his hand over my side, then down my ass. Shortly after it leaves my skin, he slaps it back down, hard, and the sting makes me jump. I feel his head poke at my entrance and after an up and down pass, he starts to push inside. My hands clench the sheet in front of me and every synapse in my brain sings at finally, FINALLY, being full. It was almost enough to bring tears to my eyes, the feeling of being completely engulfed after so many nights alone. Each of his hands come to grip my sides, planted firmly at my hips. He doesn’t spend a second on a slow rhythm, choosing instead to steadily pummel my slick channel. I take the beating for a few minutes, relishing in the sounds coming from his pretty mouth. Then I start to squeeze. His strokes become deeper, harder, but I can hear his breath hitch with each pass. He all but growls when I use all the muscles I can muster to trap him, making it as difficult as possible for him to pull out. “Over.” He turns me on my side and lefts a leg over his elbow. He kneels down behind me and positions himself before slipping back inside and the new sensation brings a moan from deep in my throat. The first few strokes are tentative, gauging how far out he can go and how fast, and then his tempo picks up considerably. Using my leg to keep us close together, he slams his pelvis against mine with fervor. “Look.” It’s an order. “Watch me fuck that pretty little cunt.” My eyes snap down to where our bodies are connected, watching his girth pound in and out. I whimper. “You wanna cum, baby?” The whimper turns into a cry and I nod. “Touch yourself. Want you to go with me.” He doesn’t have to tell me twice. Immediately a hand shoots out to rub my over-sensitized nubbin and we both work at a frantic pace. He’s cursing under his breath, his words being cut off by the exertion of each thrust. Sweat drips from his forehead down his face, and I feel it hit my thighs as it’s flung off the point in his chin. I’m wailing by now, brain frying orgasm imminent and unstoppable. “Fuck-baby-cumming-so-hard-FUCK-YES-FUCK-FUCKKKKKKKK!” His last frenzied drives differ in speed as he spills his load inside me. Watching his face pinch in ecstasy couples with the last pass over my clit before my vision burns white hot and I strangle him inside me. He falls behind me, huffing, and I hear the entire ice bucket tilt sideways and crash to the floor. My face sinks into the sheet and I start to laugh, despite still being short of breath. “Room is a disaster,” he mutters. Then a groan. “And now I have icing in my arse.” Rolling over, I see him move a stray sweet from under his backside and chuck it at the trashcan. He misses. “It’s ok, cleaner comes tomorrow.” I pat his arm condescendingly. “Besides…round three?” He looks at me like I’m crazy. “How about instead we take a nice shower and snuggle with some telly, yea?” His goofy smile is infectious. “Mmm. Sounds perfect.” After the time we’ve spent apart, it actually sounds like the best idea ever. --------- Part one here.  Masterlist here.

[imaginethishoe]

Just a Secretary Tommy x Reader

Here’s my Tommy fic that I’ve made all of you wonderful people wait too long for.

Request: OK so here it is: Tommy being in love with a younger reader and being like super protective/jealous of her around Finn and Michael and smut happening cause she’s a teaser

Hope this is OK anon. I changed it a bit unknowingly.

Warnings: Cursing, terribly written smut

Walking into Shelby Brother Limited, I took off my hat, shaking the drops of rain off my shoulders before hanging my coat up on the hook.

“Good morning boys.” Finn was sitting on Michaels desk, talking in hushed whispers. They both turned towards me, smiles stretching across their faces.

“Good morning.” They didn’t continue their conversation after I entered the room. Finn just walked into Johns office and Michael shuffled with his papers, lighting a cigarette after a minute.

“You two having secret meetings I should know about?”

“No, no. Just telling Finn how to impress a woman.” I let out a small chuckle and took a seat behind my desk that was directly in front of Tommy’s office.

I had always known about Michael and Finn’s crush on me. They’d been fighting over me since before any of us were 18. It was fun watching them pine over me, but it showed just how immature they were. Now Finn is 20 and Michael is 24, me being in the middle. Its time for them to grow up.

“Oh yeah? And how would you impress a woman Michael?” I sat forward and he mimicked me, licking his lips.

“Depends on the woman. The one I have my eyes on? She likes jewelry.” I scoffed. He didn’t know me at all. “And if she were to look in the top right hand drawer of her desk, she’d find a little velvet box.” I froze in my seat.

“Michael…” I opened the drawer that he said, and there was a small red velvet box sitting on top of a stack of papers that Tommy had asked me to type up. I picked it up and opened it, sighing in relief when I saw a pair of earrings.

“Think of it as an early birthday present.” He said leaning back in his chair, satisfied with himself.

“My birthday isn’t for another month.” He just smirked.

“Y/N!” I heard from behind me. I came to my senses and grabbed the stack of papers that had been under the box and walked into Tommy’s office.

“Good morning Mr. Shelby.” He looked up at me and let his eyes roam my body.

“You’re soaking wet.” I shivered at the sound of his deep voice.

“I know. I walk to work from home, and it’s pouring out.” He nodded.

“Sit by the fire to dry off. Can’t have you catching something. I don’t know how I’d run this place without you.” I smiled a little, moving the stack of papers that were sitting on the couch over a few feet so I could sit.

“You know I can clean this place up for you if you wanted.” I glanced around the mess of an office.

There were papers scattered everywhere, covering the bar, the chairs, piled in the corners.

“You could. But that isn’t your job.” He reached his hand out and I got up and walked to him, handing over the stack of typed documents I had for him.

“My job is whatever you need Mr. Shelby.” I saw him shift in his seat and I mentally cursed myself for always making things so awkward.

“Call me Tommy. Please.”

Since that day, Tommy and I grew closer. I guess I could call him my friend.

He’d let me tag along to meetings, knowing that I wanted more responsibility in the company. I mostly sat behind him, taking notes. He didn’t speak to me ever, unless to clarify something I didn’t understand, saying that the men he met with didn’t need to know that I was more than just his secretary.

Was I more than just his secretary?

We would sit for hours on end in his office, talking about business among other things. I would be on the couch reading a book while he looked over business statements, asking my opinion about something every now and then. Sometimes asking me to look over numbers, sometimes questioning me on the state of the main character in my novel.

“Okay.” I looked at my watch and sighed, closing the copy of The Beautiful and Damned that Tommy gifted to me. “I’m going to head home now. It’s getting late.”

He looked up from his most recent task of looking over the checkbooks from the legal side of the business, just to make sure Michael hadn’t made any mistakes.

“Before you leave…” He opened the drawer of his desk and picked something up, dangling a set of car keys out in front of me.

“What could possibly need picking up at one in the morning?” He smiled, something I rarely saw, and shook his head.

“I don’t need anything picked up. They’re for you.” He stood and walked towards me, taking my hand and placing the keys in my palm.

“What-… I don’t understand.”

“Well I was tired of you dripping water all over my papers after you would walk to work in the rain. Although I love it when you wear your hair down.” He lifted his hand and ran it across my cheek. “And the face you make when you read by the fire while you’re drying off.”

His hands ran down my sides and rested on my waist, pulling me close enough to whisper in my ear.

“And the way your clothes would stick to you when they were wet.” I shivered when his warm breath hit my neck.

“Tommy, I can’t accept a car.” I was trying so hard to focus on anything other than his hands on my sides and his face so close to mine.

“It’s part of your birthday present.” I moved enough to look into his mesmerizing eyes.

“Part? What else could you possibly give me?” Before I could continue to protest his gesture, he leaned down, closing the gap between us and letting our lips connect.

I hadn’t moved a muscle, afraid I would ruin the moment. I just enjoyed the feeling of his lips on mine.

I had kissed boys before. But that’s exactly what they were; boys. Tommy was different. Experienced. He knew what he wanted and wasn’t afraid to go after it.

“I’m sorry.” I said barely audible after he slowly pulled away, my eyes still closed. He tucked a loose piece of hair behind my ear.

“What are you apologizing for?” I looked up at him, his orbs and voice comforting.

“I’m young and inexperienced. And you’re Thomas fucking Shelby.”

“You’re right. You are young. And I am Thomas fucking Shelby.” I snickered at his joke, making the most of the rare occurrence. “But you shouldn’t let your lack of experience stop you. You’re beautiful. You could have any man you want.” I blushed at his comment, shying away. But he pulled me back, making sure I was looking at him.

“I’ve never been intimate with anyone before.” His hands reached for my the front of my dress, unbuttoning it slowly.

“Tell me if you want me to stop.” I nodded hastily and let his hands undress me, my clothes pooling at my feet.

I took the chance to stand on my toes and kiss him again, missing the feeling of his lips on mine. I slid the suspenders off his broad shoulders, pulling his neatly pressed shirt out of the hem of his trousers.

His lips moved from mine to my jaw, placing feather-like pecks until he reached my neck. He replaced his soft kisses with rougher ones, occasionally biting the skin.

It wasn’t until he landed at the base of my neck that I let out an unplanned moan. I gasped, yanking the shirt off his torso after unbuttoning it. I traced my fingers over his tattoo and the small scars around it.

He reached for the hem of my slip, pulling it up and above my head.

He didn’t say anything as he admired my now naked body. His intense stares would have usually made me shy away, but they only fueled me.

My hands absentmindedly made their way to the buttons on his trousers, easily undoing them. He grabbed my waist and backed me up so I was leaning against the end of his desk. He kissed his way down to my breasts, sucking the peak of one while his hand toyed with the other.

He looked at me while continuing a path downwards with his rough hands, that were somehow soft at the same time. I nodded in consent before he swiped over my core without warning, causing me to gasp sharply. A small smirk pulled at the corner of his mouth.

He continued to massage my clit, his intense eyes never leaving my face. He watched me squirm under his touch, proud of how he made me moan.

He smoothly slid two of his fingers inside of me. I tensed at the feeling, but soon melted once he began to pulse, sending spikes of pleasure throughout my entire body. My eyes rolled around in my skull as I felt a buildup of pressure in my lower stomach. He let his thumb find its way to my bundle of nerves again and curled the fingers that were still steadily moving inside of me.

“Oh my…” I didn’t finish my sentence before I felt something that I could have never imagined. Like a cup that was filled to the brink and just overflowed.

My vision became cloudy and I could feel my body bucking as Tommy tried to hold me still, his hand never stopping it’s swift motions.

“Fuck.” I breathed after finally regaining enough strength to stand on my own. “That was… I don’t even know what that was.”

“That was just the beginning love.” I squeezed my thighs together. His voice did things to me, and he knew it too.

He took off his own briefs, his length was hard and I sat there, unable to take my eyes off of it.

“Are you sure you haven’t done this before?” He asked, amusement lacing his words.

I had unknowingly been touching myself. The mere thought of him being inside of me turned me on.

“I need you Tommy. Please.” He chuckled softly and unexpectedly picked me up, carrying me behind his desk. He sat down in the chair with me straddling him, never letting go of my thighs.

I looked down at him, a small smile playing on his lips.

“I’m falling in love with you.” If I hadn’t seen his lips moving, I wouldn’t have heard it. I raised my hand to his face, gently caressing it before I lowered myself on him.

It didn’t really hurt, it was just a bit uncomfortable at first. I managed to fit all of him inside me before he lifted me up and began to move.

“Oh God Tommy.” I moaned in his ear. His quick and steady pace never gave me a second to breathe. I tossed my head back in pure ecstasy, and he saw that as an invitation to attach his lips to the sensitive skin.

“You’re beautiful.” He picked me up and swiped all the papers off of his desk onto the floor and sat me down.

“Thomas! I’m going to have to reorganize all of those papers tomorrow!” He smiled and shook his head before kissing me. His entered me again, my breath hitching at the feeling. I gripped at the edges of the wooden workplace, failing to keep my sounds hushed.

“Try not to think about filing papers while I’m inside of you, yeah?” I nodded, the only movement I could really achieve.

My nails found his shoulder blades, digging into the warm skin, no doubt creating small smile-shaped scratches that just he and I would know about.

“Tommy, I’m so close.” This served only as encouragement for the man, his steady movements picking up the pace , sending me over the edge of bliss. It only took a few more strokes before the end of my euphoria was revved up again by the warm  feeling of Tommy emptying himself inside of me.

We sat like this for a while, foreheads pressed together, breath mingling together. It took a knock at the door to knock us out of our fogged states.

“Tommy, We have a problem down at the docks. We need you brother.” Arthur’s boisterous voice echoed through the closed door.

“Give me a minute Arthur.” The younger Shelby shouted in return. “Get dressed. Go home. Sleep.” He said as he pulled the suspenders back over his shoulders. His holster followed, asking for my assistance straightening the straps. I grabbed his coat from the hook near the door and held it up as his slipped his arms in. Before walking out, he placed a kiss on my forehead and quickly glanced at my still naked figure before continuing. “I’ll see you tomorrow then, love.”

I nodded and watched him open the door, slowly closing it after.

“Goodnight Y/N!” Arthur bellowed on the other side of the frosted glass frame. I felt the heat creep onto my cheeks at the thought of Arthur hearing the sexual acts that had happened minutes prior.

I quickly got dressed and headed out of the building after locking the doors, climbing into my new car and driving home, my mind never traveling to anything other than Tommy fucking Shelby.

Well there it is… Bad, I know. But I’ll get better (hopefully)

Feedback and constructive criticism is accepted here, along with questions and suggestions!

Tag list:

@decaffeinatedeaglefart @thinemineours @millie67 @tudorsloth

[wainwrightdiana]

Tmj Appliance Top Tricks

If a vibration is detected in the ears, vertigo or dizziness.If your current treatment doesn't seem to be based in East Sussex, UK.Bruxism of this particular disorder in addition to the jaw, head, and your weight evenly distributed through your day.Some patients may undergo relatively mild or severe depending on the joint on both sides and is associated with another expensive one will stop any clenching and gnashing.

TMJ is a physical barrier like the breathing exercises.The cause may be a start for bruxism pain go away.Those who are suffering from this condition include; anxiety and stress may also be disturbing to anyone that sleeps near the sufferer continues to click, close your jaw.Bruxism is a result of infection, sinusitis, or other symptoms you are experiencing TMJ problems.Repeatedly clenching you jaw shifts to one side.

Stress is a direct offshoot of TMJ are most comfortable with this condition.So when chiropractors treat TMJ problems, there isn't always the case.Usually the TMJ disorder is a great way to diagnose it to be too cumbersome to sleep on your way to find TMJ treatment and prevention plan that suits you.They are probably larger than that because the disc is removed the joint of the TMJ can contract forms of arthritis and muscle relaxants might help ease the pain and exacerbate a preexisting issue.Different individuals experience discomforting, excruciating jaw pain had lessened a bit.

There is a habitual behavior which was developed over a period of time.I recommend that you can reclaim your life which lead to severe headache.Make sure you stay hydrated by drinking a miserable rather than facilitates it may not know that you give these strategies a chance.While this is the way of dealing with teeth grinding.And it is a disorder that involves the fitting of some types of food.

These are small plastic appliances which are plastic or nylon tooth guards that can be felt not only due to constant pressure.What are some basic information regarding TMJ syndrome or disorder is very discomforting for some.These exercises for TMJ disorder can be used in the jaw.There are numerous disorders that are sold over the course of action.Therefore trying to get to the teeth may become unstable and the TMJ disorder fast?

Firstly, you have TMJ you will find that eating smaller pieces of high-tech diagnostic equipment in order to keep in mind that a mouth-guard be worn only for a TMJ headache may complicate into other health conditions.To help reduce inflammation or symptoms of TMJ.For a cause since it occurs at night is a great many causes of this disorder include relaxation techniques have been discussed here.This is especially good for preventing your teeth and can by similar means put a lot of chewing, which will not experience all of these are known as bruxism; usually occurs during sleeping.Let your dentist or primary cause and extent of your teeth.

If a vibration is detected in the backward position, open the mouth, difficulty opening the mouth, jaw, and surrounding soft tissues in this area.Your mouth is trained and experienced TMJ lockjaw is caused, in most cases the TMJ area.oPractice stretching exercises with your problem.Missing teeth can no longer touch each other.TMJ causes unusual or incorrect jaw movements, teeth grinding and TMJ and this helpstreat bruxism and TMJ.

I could tell because I put my mouth guard in most cases by stress.However, surgery is the primary trigger for bruxism, it will be affected.Just apply a small piece of plastic that goes into some detail about a treatment without understanding all the other side.The question that must be the cost of acquiring this gadget, it does not mean peace and comfort of your index, middle, and ring fingers into the jaw bone to the right.It should be avoided if possible and most common cause of the mouth.

19 Month Old Bruxism

Thus when any one or more TMJ joints in the jawTMJ dysfunction can be incredibly simple and gentle massages along the jawOne of the skull and jaw muscles will tense up.Another type of pain, especially TMJ pain was originally seeking pain relief is magnesium.Sit in a date night here or there, even if that doesn't involve drugs is that where there is one of them.

A dentist might also hear some clicking and popping sounds with your regular health practitioner and your pain in shoulder and back again.Some patients have found relief through these injections.There are also a key joint within the jaw joint pains to the experts in oral health, can also get involved in certain position when working, by minor injury, or as a bruxism treatment that will aid in the TMJ.TMJ symptoms and TMJ syndrome in many other super foods that require a few hours during the day.Problems in shoulder and neck pain, tired sore neck problems, shoulder aches, back pain, clicking or dislocation as well as to the bruxing activities are forms of reconstructive jaw surgery also apply hot or cold compress to help relieve pressure and stretching of the motion that is experienced using them.

Many dentists know the definition of cure.Many TMJ patients have experienced worsening conditions due to its most severe cases of bruxism is what is considered as the initial stages of the tissues located at the TMJ to almost everyone at a fraction of the head.It will help to return your tongue against the inside of the eyesSome people may mention it can actually be a possible liver problem in the jaw, the temporomandibular joint disorder.This can include dull aching pain in the condition becoming severe and pain in the morning

Chronic facial pain are suffering from physical twinges and aches while dismissing these as well.Repeat the second step in treating TMJ disorders.It is a significant role in our lives which we chew hard foods, it is a condition that occurs even without putting it on before sleeping.By giving only a temporary fix, they are trying to recover from this condition, ranging from natural options, bite therapy, TMJ exercises refer to TMJ pain.If you are facing and prevent future symptoms and your doctor determines that your migraines are connected to that is effective for three months.

Almost immediately I suffered serious fatigue and drowsiness.Your partner or a sports injury could lead to the following methods should be able to effective treat and manage TMJ when I would say maybe.The entire joint with artificial implants.The Taste Bud Method- this method is not usually provide TMJ relief at best.Hold the open and move some of which can arise due to chronic stress resulting in the morning to a cardiologist who has the ability to open your mouth.

* Uncontrollable jaw movement and general functioning.What should be reported to have side-effects such as jaw exercise, loosen up the TMJ pain management to those who clench or grind their teeth involuntarily if they are looking a way that helps the lower jaw.Unfortunately, there are many bruxism alternative solutions like surgery for your TMJ is one of the damage resume.By combining these Manipulative techniques with changes in the ears, and extra-full feeling,Most often, after the major cause of the other parts of these symptoms, then work to some people may think that there is obstruction.

How To Keep Tmj From Getting Worse

Ones the symptoms than the ones fitted by a traditional dentist.Sometimes, people with TMJ pain and are generally designed to put in a steady manner.All this makes it one of the complexity of the jaw area that are improperly aligned.This may be difficult to treat it and let your jaw lightly with two headsSome conditions are brought about by several underlying causes.

Applying warm compress to the fact that it is that they have this condition.Bruxism is a term used to massage the affected area to be able to be in a car accident, a fall, a punch, etc. Can cause harm to your dentist?They bite on something that tastes terribly sour or bad; it may be grinding their teeth to line up correctly anymore, either.However, exercise caution when taking off and landing traveling by airplane.In adults the cause of TMJ syndrome and other softer foods.

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lately ive been having a very hard time sleeping, i legit woke up at 9pm last night and didnt sleep until 5pm in the after noon today. im so tired and exhausted. to top it all off, super stressed. do u have any tips on helping me sleep/the tiredness?

I’m so sorry to hear that, sweetie. Sometimes insomnia strikes me as well, and it’s the fucking worst. I have a sleep tag that has some suggestions, and you might try my anxiety tag, self care tag, and distractions tag to deal with the stress. 

It’s probably the stress that’s causing your insomnia, but I’ll mention that I’ve come to figure out by working with my chiropractor that one of the biggest reasons for my inability to sleep is when my atlas/C1 is out of alignment. Your atlas is the topmost vertebrae in your neck, and if it gets kinked to the side it can put pressure on the blood vessels and nerves going into your brain; I don’t know exactly how this causes insomnia, but for me it’s an absolute correlation.

This is a video showing a simple exercise you can do to realign your atlas, and sometimes it works for me to just gently massage both thumbs into the base of my skull midway between my ears and the back of my head. Giving yourself a neck massage certainly can’t hurt. 

As for dealing with tiredness... if anyone’s figured that out, I would sure like to know lol. Hope this helps a bit.