#and like even when you know it will come out of your nose and youll pay the price for this favor its still nice

[soheeunderthesun]

SINS WE CANT UNDO

~𐙚⋆° — ONE SHOT

You adore her. You really do. She's the best person you've ever met. Kind, loyal, smart, everything you wanted to be. So why, why can't you stop thinking about her ex? Scratch that. What the hell are you doing alone in the bathroom with him at a party, knowing she’s downstairs drowning her sorrows in cheap liquor at the thought of her ex? 

You should be down there with her, comforting her, protecting her. Instead, here you are at the last place you should be.

You adore your best friend. You know what she deserves and what you're doing right now... is the last thing she deserves.

wc - 8.3k

~~𐙚⋆° pairing — best friend's ex!eunseok x female reader

~~~𐙚⋆° features — Shotaro and Seunghan of RIIZE, Aeri of aespa and Kazuha of le sserafim.

~~~~𐙚⋆° genre — college au and forbidden love

~~~~~𐙚⋆° warning — cursing, smut (MDNI), moral ambiguity, and toxic behaviour by both main characters.

!AUTHORS NOTE! — My FIRST fic say whaaat? Okay idk if I even made this angsty enough.. I feel like it’s not.. 😭😭 yn is a really trying to blame everything on eunseok, a lot of accusing.. poor guy. Its like Elena Gilbert (The vampire diaries) in a different font. wait am I spoiling my own story? oops.. well just be prepared for the frustration youll feel.

This work is a work of fiction and is NOT intended to reflect the real-life personalities or actions of the individuals portrayed. This is for entertainment purposes only!

Tiny chipped remnants of pink nail polish scatter across your lap. The color is a faded pink but now reduced to smudged irregular dots that cling stubbornly to the fabric of the black dress you are wearing. The edges of the polish is uneven, a sign of your restless scratching, hoping that the motion somehow could peel away the war inside your head. 

"Should I go for black or brown eyeliner?" Kazuha asks you.

Her voice is light as she sits a few meters away at her makeup table, the soft hum of the fan interrupted only by the subtle click of her makeup brushes. She applies her concealer and dabs it onto the high points of her face where she wants to brighten her already perfect complexion. She dabs on her cheekbones, the bridge of her nose and under her eyes. You simply just watch her for a moment. Her gaze focused on the mirror while she works on her face, blending the product in with smooth and precise strokes.

You shoot your eyes around her room and immediately notice the almost ethereal aesthetic she’s made. Her bed is queen-sized with a beige colored duvet and layers of baby blue throw pillows, it’s neatly made, like it always is when you come over. There is a faint scent of lavender in the air, her signature smell. Kazuha has always liked the smell of the fresh flowers, so she’ll make sure to have a vase on her windowsill. Fairy lights are strung up around the edges of her ceiling, casting a warm and soft glow across the room. Her bookshelf against the wall is stacked high with mangas, and even some of the books are thoroughly used, due to the spine being creased. 

Your gaze then drifts to the walls as you scan the several photos that are framed, many familiar moments you've shared together. One of them being a picture from after her dance performance, a picture where she was practically glowing with excitement in her shimmering ballerina costume, her face was flushed with the rush of adrenaline and pride. She had been so eager and so alive in that moment as her eyes sparkled with pure joy. You remember how she couldn’t wait to take a picture with you and Aeri, her voice trembling slightly with excitement as she tugged you both closer to her. There are other photos scattered across the wall as well, some of them are her alone, with other friends and a couple more of you and Aeri. You glance down and your attention falls on the small bin. It’s overflowing with crumpled paper and what looks like a stack of discarded photos. Immediately there is a picture that stands out, a shot of her and Eunseok. A picture of her kissing his cheek.

A sudden memory flashes through your mind and with that comes a rush of guilt and a tight knot forms in your chest. It tightens with every passing second, pulling the breath from your lungs and suddenly the room feels small. You stare at your best friend trying to focus on the way she applies her makeup but all you can see now is in front of you is her trusting eyes and the thought of what you’ve done, what you’ve taken from her.

"Uhmm.. I think brown makes you look more soft" a forced smile appear on your face as you keep your gaze steady on her even though your mind is racing.

"Whereas black... black makes you look hot and uhm. Bold.. more bold "

The pulse of your heart thuds too loud in your ear drums. You didn't know your heart could race this fast. You hope she doesn’t notice your behavior and see how distracted you really are. The memory of last week resurfaces, how his touch still linger from the way his hands held your body, as if it burned your skin leaving it with invisible marks. It wasn’t supposed to happen of course. You weren’t supposed to cross that line. 

Kazuha doesn’t know.. she doesn't know anything.. how could she?

"Well then black it is” Kazuha's voice is calm “I need to show Eunseok what he lost"

Her eyes flicker to her reflection in the mirror as she applies the black eyeliner. The words hang in the air and for a moment everything feels suspended, like if time froze long enough just for you to fully absorb what she said.

What he lost

You stay silent as you watch her fingers delicaetly trace the outline of her eyes. It’s so easy for her to say those words but you know the truth behind them, it's like she’s trying to convince herself and even convince you that she’s moved on, that she’s over Eunseok. But you know she’s not and worse than that, you know she might never be.

Your gaze then drifts back to your own hands and without thinking, you return to scraping the chipped remnants of the nail polish off your nails. The motion is automatic like a mindless distraction but it feels almost comforting in its repetition, as if it’s the only thing you can control in a moment that suddenly feels completely out of your hands.

"Okay spill. Is there something wrong?" Classic Kazuha, she always knew when there was something off with you.

"You've been quiet ever since you showed up" She sits back and takes a moment to admire her work in the mirror but then she turns to you and her expression softens. "You usually tell me anything yn.. especially when it troubles your cute little head"

You usually tell me anything

you really do

she is your best friend for fucks sake!

oh you such are a horrible person yn

You force a smile as Kazuha is waiting for you to say something, but if you speak and admit to what you've done you will ruin everything.

You’ll ruin her

"No.. I���m okay" you say "Just a little tired. Maybe some tequila can revive me back"

You try to make it sound casual but the words come out a bit too fast and a little too eager than you wanted, making her study you for a beat longer than you’re comfortable with. The concern in her gaze deepens but she doesn’t push you yet. Instead she leans back slightly as her fingers brush through her iron-curled hair.

"You sure?"

“Mhm”

"Or if you don’t feel like partying, Aeri can just drop you home on the way to the party"

oh

an escape route

For a moment the temptation to take that route and to walk away and let the world pretend like nothing ever happened feels like the better option.

You can’t. Not now yn

Instead you shake your head quickly and hope she doesn’t notice the way your fingers tremble, as you brush another few chips of polish off your nails.

"No I’m fine I swear! let’s just go. I'm ready whenever you are"

FLASHBACK

You've known Kazuha for years now, years of being friends means you’ve seen her at her worst and at her most vulnerable moments. But this version of her? This side of her that’s sitting in front of you, with a tear-streaked face and barely holding it together has never appeared on the face of the earth until now. It’s a stark contrast to the girl you’ve always known, the confident self-assured Kazuha who was always the first to speak up for you or for anyone in general, because she could not bare the thought of someone being hurt or unfairly treated, even if it comes to herself. Seeing her like this in front of you feels almost ironic. Your best friend who once held the world in her hands looks so small now. 

Small and fragile.

Maybe it’s shows in the the way her brown eyes doesn’t meet your own, or the way her voice cracks when she speaks thick with snot, the hurt in her voice cutting through your body like a knife. You have seen Kazuha in love of course, brief ones, fleeting ones, but with Eunseok it was another story. Everyone thought it was something so pure and real what they had, and something they could hold onto forever. 

Now she’s silent as her lips tremble with her hands twisting together on her lap.

“..he doesn’t love me anymore” You could barely hear her voice.

 "I thought..." .. “I thought... we were… going to last” .. “and now I’m just.." She chokes on her words and buries her face in her hands.

You want to touch her and fix all of the pieces of her heart back together, say to her that it'll be alright. But you stop yourself, because you know that there are no easy words for this kind of pain she feels, no distractions and no jokes will make the heartbreak quicker to fade away. 

You feel it. Her hopelessness. You don't understand it though. You dont understand Eunseok. Eunseok for all his charm and sweetness didn't even have the decency to explain himself. Not a single explanation. Why? it doesn't look like Eunseok at all.

The Eunseok who has people wrapped around his finger by the second you meet him. Eunseok stood like he was the sun, the center of it all and you were desperate for a touch of the warmth he gave. He wasn’t just another handsome face in a crowd, it wasn’t only his appearance that left an impression, no there was something charming about him, in his own way. He wasn't big on romantic gestures or being overly kind, he simply treats people fairly and attentivly and it made you wonder how someone so gentle could’ve ended up as Kazuhas ex.

Sure, he was her ex, but you couldn’t help noticing how he’d have a big smile on his face when you´d talk with him, how he likes to tease and invite little jokes to your conversations. He’d remember to always ask you if you’ve eaten or slept well, always cared if you were doing okay, so naturally it made you enjoy his company. He wasn't just Kazuha's boyfriend around you, he was a Eunseok. Eunseok who made your heart flutter and beat a little quicker.

“I need you to go to his place” You blink, unsure if you’ve heard her right. She looks at you, eyes so tired and so lost, flickering with desperation or more like defeat. 

“I need you to pick up my things... Please yn" Her voice cracks when mentioning your name, but she doesn’t look away.

This is what she wants. This is what she needs yn

“Yeah.. I’ll do it”

 "I need everything, pick up all of my things"

You stand up and reach for your bag. “I’ll go get them Kazuha. I’ll bring everything back, I promise” She doesn’t look at you as you turn to leave and you wonder if she even notices you walk out her bedroom door.

-

You have already knocked twice and you feel how your hands slightly tremble when you reach out to knock for the third time.

Maybe he isn't home

you should just leave yn

you can get her stuff another day

But then the door swings open before you could take a step towards the stairs to your right, and in front of you stands Eunseok. His dark hair is tousled and the familiar warm brown eyes appears in front of you. He looks… fine? normal? as if he didn't just break it off with his girlfriend two weeks ago. You see that he doesn’t immediately step aside, he just stands there in the doorway while his hand rests on the doorframe. You shift uncomfortably.

“Hey” You’re not even sure if you’re addressing him or just making up for the silence around you.

“Hey yn”

“Kazuha asked me to come get some of her stuff”

You wait for his response and it feels like forever and you can't help but think if Kazuha wrote to him telling him that you were coming. But you doubt it, she has probably already deleted all kinds of contact with him.

“Oh sure yeah, come in” 

You follow him into the room and your eyes fall on the couch where Kazuha’s belongings are. You see her soft grey hoodie being slightly crumpled and nearby lays a collection of skincare products, you notice the high-end serums and creams and how the sleek glass bottles catch the light from the lamp. You don’t turn around to face Eunseok. You feel like he is waiting for you to talk about the situation, maybe he wants you to ask him how he’s been doing or if he’s okay or if there’s any part of him that’s struggling like Kazuha is. But you dont wanna do that, instead you walk towards the couch to retrieve her belongings.

“How’s uhm Kazuha?.. How’s she's doing?”

You pause your actions as were about to grab her hoodie. The question doesnt surprise you, so you find yourself responding.

“she’s hurting...”

“Yeah.. I can imagine” .. “Im sorry.. I just… I couldn’t do it anymore, couldnt be with her anymore”

You’re still standing there, still havent picked up her hoodie yet. You dont really know how to respond to him.

Couldn’t do it anymore? what the fuck does that even mean?

It feels like he’s asking for more than just an answer, like he's waiting for you to say something or maybe understand something. The silence is loud between you, loud with all the things neither of you are saying right now. Kind of like a strange feeling of vulnerability hanging in the air, like he’s offering you a chance to step into something, something that neither of you have talked about before.

“I don’t regret it you know” .. “I dont regret breaking up with her. I just wish things could’ve been different”

You turn to look at him. Eunseok steps closer standing tall with his lean athletic build just a few inches from you. His eyes flicker over you, it scares you how you feel a flutter of something in your chest, something that’s so wrong. It's something you’ve never allowed yourself to feel.

“Do you think she’ll ever forgive me?” He looks at you like he’s waiting for an answer, as if your opinion might make a difference to the whole situation.

Is he asking me for reassurance? or is he..

You shake the thought away you shouldnt even entertain it. You try to ignore it and try to focus on Kazuha and her things but Eunseok’s presence right now and his gaze… it’s fucking with your head.

“Maybe” you finally answer him “but she’ll need time”

You think the conversation is over, but then he decides to stand closer to you.

“I hope she forgives me” Eunseok says “Cause I don’t want to lose you too yn”

The space between now feels intimate and all you can focus on is the heat that’s rising in your skin, its burning. You try to look at anything but his eyes. There’s a war in your head, your emotions fighting against each other. You’re confused, you’re heartbroken, hell you are even angry at him. For putting you in this situation and for bringing this up now. You open your mouth to say something.

“Why did you say that?”

He hesistates for a moment “..Because I can’t let you stand there and watch us pretend like there’s nothing between us”

Eunseok steps closer and this time you don’t wanna run away. His breath is warm against your skin as he reaches out, his hand brushing against yours a light touch that feels almost like electricity going through your veins.

“You don’t have to say anything” … “I know it’s complicated. I know you’re hurting for her" his hand is now gently cupping your burning cheek. “I need you to know how much I..” He stops, his lips hovering just above your own.

Now would be a good time to pull away. You should be driving back to Kazuha and hand her the things you came here for. You should be thinking about the trust that you’re about to shatter. But In that split second you are thinking about that, Eunseok leans his body down to you making your heart thunder loud and furious against your ribcage. You don’t know why. You don’t know how. All you know is that his lips are on you now. So soft and so tender.

There’s no force in the kiss, no recklessness in your movements. It’s slow and searching when his lips move against yours. You feel the guilt start to fade into the void as you let yourself feel the heat that rushes through your body. You let him pull you closer, your arms grabbing around the back of his neck and you forget that you’re kissing the man who just broke Kazuha’s heart. His hand then slides to the back of your neck, deepening the kiss. you respond by opening your mouth to let his tongue slide in you, with a hunger that hasn’t been fed. The room feels like it’s spinning but Eunseok makes you feel steady. Just the pressure and slight teasing of his tongue against yours, his fingers going through your hair and the warmth of his body, It’s intoxicating.

You let him drag you to his room not too far away from where you just were, the hoodie and skincare long forgotten as he lays you down gently on his bed. He leans down to kiss you again, this time with more eagerness. You know he is desperate to keep you close, you feel it in the way he holds your waist firmly as if you’d vanish into thin air if he lets go. The hand on your jaw moves down towards the hem of your pants.

“Are you okay with this?” You open your eyes to look at him.

You nod your head, you know that if you spoke, no sound will come out and you were certain to not let this moment slip away from you. You wanted Eunseok you have longed for him and you had him now right in front of you. You know its selfish, but the selfishness of it all doesn't taste bitter on your tongue anymore, it doesn’t stop you from threading your fingers through his hair, pulling him closer. His soft hands roam around your body, as his fingers slide underneath your shirt to squeeze and massage your breast, making you gasp softly from how good it feels.

You try to button up your pants, but fail due to how he grins against your clothed core. Oh he is so big and so hard. It feels too good and you haven't even taken your clothes off. "fuck" .. "I need you" he slurred as he grins against you harder, letting his lips trail down your neck, his hot breath on your skin.

His movements comes to a halt as he takes his hands down to help you unbutton your pants, letting Eunseok throw them some place on the floor followed by your underwear. He then tilt your chin to make you look at him as he the seals your lips together again, his teeth tugging at your bottom lip to let him inside your mouth, you oblige as the slickness of his tongue mix with your own.

His hand travels down to where your thighs were and you open them further to reveal your exposed pussy, his hands greedy on your soft inner thighs , deeply massaging into the flesh which pulls out a whimper from you.

“Fuck Eunseok”

You could feel his fingers travel up towards your aching folds, so wet and ready for him. A second later he pushes two fingers inside, making you arch your back, his fingers are long, reaching deep. He moves in an agonizing slow pace.

"Eunseok.. please.." you whine. you want him to move faster, you grow eager as you take the wrist of his hand, and you start thrusting his fingers in you faster, you cant help but meet the thrust halfway. He chuckles against your lips as he lets you take control of his fingers inside you for a while before he finally gives into your desperation.

"nngh- more please" you plead.

He adds a third finger inside you and starts tormenting your hole curling them to hit the sweet spot inside you.

"fuck you are so tight.. even just by my fingers" he says, now adding pressure on your clit, rubbing it in circles as it makes your body go into overdrive, every sense of yours heightened. He nibs at your earlobe as he feels your walls contract around his fingers. His thrust becoming even more faster and harder, the sensation from his deep fingers inside you, the rubbing on your clit and him now sucking down your throat makes your body arch and shake for a release.

"fuck ngh! Eunseok dont stop" your eyebrows furrow as you plead him to keep his pace. Eunseok could hear how your low whines become louder. "Keep going, im close" you say as your eyes try to look down and focus on how his fingers slide in and out of you. Eunseok is captivated by the flush of your cheeks and the heaving of your chest. It made his dick throb painfully in his pants. "cum for me yn" thats all it takes for you to reach your high, as you moan into the room, though it gets muffled as he claims your mouth with his own, you keep kissing until Eunseok slides his fingers out of you to lick his fingers clean of your cum. Cherished every lick as if he doens´t want to ever lose the taste of you. He wanted to remember this. Wanted to remember how you laid in front of him.

He reached down and tugged at the waistband of his sweatpants, letting the fabric slide easily down his hips as he pulled them off. You focus on how his hands dissappear under his boxers as he pumps himself ready, fuck he looks so sexy the sight makes you clench around nothing, and your pussy throb for his cock.

You help him take his boxers briefs off. Eunseok is huge, never have you seen such a pretty cock before as it makes your mouth fall open at the sight of him, some drool gathering in your mouth as you reel him closer to you. The tip of his cock runs along your fold, teasing you, torturing you.

"please Eunseok, I need you in me"

Thats all he wanted you to say before he pushes his fat cock into your waiting hole. You hiss at his size "breathe for me yn. you can take it". he says as you slowly let him push more of him inside you, feeling every vein of his cock stretching you out. You can feel how your walls around him grip tightly around his cock, it stings you as if you are being split in half trying to let his cock find its way inside you.

"such a good girl, feel so good around me baby, as if you were made for me yeah" he kisses along your left cheek and down to your mouth as he fills you up completely. You sobbed out as he fully sunk into you, never in your life have you felt this full.

"doing so good for me, got you right here where I wanted you" his voice wavers as he fights to keep control, and not just rammer into you with full force.

Your eyes fall shut as he starts to move, thrusting deep, snapping his hips against yours. "ngh.. yes" you moan "Fuck you're so big" dragging him down to kiss him. He massages your breast again and squeezes your nipple between his fingers, you open your eyes to meet his, softly moaning his name.

"fuck" he groans, while picking up his rhythm as he pounds into you deeper. You struggle to breathe, his thrust harder, reaching deep inside you making your body tremble, with the stimulation from both his cock and fingers. "fuck baby... feel so good around me yn" his intense eyes watching you succumb to pleasure, pressing his forehead against yours, as he gives his all to find both of your releases. You had no idea how much Eunseok has been dreaming about this, dreaming about fucking you in his bed.

Eunseok isn't oblivious to the fact that what he's doing right now is messed up. He knows that taking you here in his bed is so fucked up of him. He is being selfish right now. He didn’t care about the damage that'll happen to you and Kazuha's relationship. It didn't matter. All that mattered was keeping you close, keeping you to himself. No matter who he had to hurt in the process.

"look at you right now so wet" you are soaked, dripping down his sheets, you see how his cock glistens at your slickness. "Ill give you what you want, what you need baby" he takes the fingers that were teasing your nipples, and began rubbing your clit for the second time. "ngh yes please yes Eunseok!" you moan gripping the sheets underneath, your eyes rolling back. You cry as he rubs your clit faster while he was fucking into you, only the sound of your arousal and the slapping of skin filling the room.

You can feel your orgasm approaching, as his thick cock and long fingers sending waves of pleasure to you "cant ngh.. cant hold back any longer yn" the pace feels like ecstasy, you legs shaking, as he hits your g-spot making you reach the peak of you climax, sending jolts of electricity through your body, your hole clenching and gushing on his cock as he continues to fuck you.

"please Eunseok fill me up" with one last thrust he empties himself inside you, groaning as he buries his head on your heaving chest. His warm cum filling you up, cock twicthing, as he keeps on cumming. You feel him pull you tighter against him wanting to feel you soft skin as he fill you to the brim. You then pepper kisses on his face, while you mindlessly play with his hair, he smiles at you, and kisses you one last time before pulling out.

Eunseok cups your face gently, his fingers brushing along your skin as though he was memorizing every inch of where he has touched you. He kissed you softly, his lips lingering, trying to communicate something he couldn’t quite put into words. "Stay" .. "I don’t want you to leave. Not tonight"

END OF FLASHBACK

Aeri´s hands are steady on the black steering wheel of her brother’s car. The night air is cool as it flows through the open windows, the rhythmic sound of the tires against the pavement fills the space like white noise sharing the air with the songs from the radio. Aeri sings along to the songs but keeps her eyes focused on the road.

“I’m telling you this party is going to be insane!” she says with a grin as her fingers tap on the steering wheel.

“We’re going to have so much fun! I just know it. I even heard Beomgyu is coming!”

You catch a glimpse of Kazuha´s profile in the rearview mirror. She is sitting in the front passenger seat staring out the window and she looks like she is lost in thought, for a second you wonder if she’s thinking about Eunseok, about what she said earlier

Showing him what he lost.

Aeri’s playlist shuffles through upbeat pop songs. You can feel the vibrations in the seat beneath you as it feels like they travel up your spine. For a few minutes the beats fill the air drowning out everything else. The noise swallows your thoughts whole, its enough to make you forget everything. You close your eyes for a second and let the rhythm wash over you. its like a perfect escape like a barrier between you and everything that’s been gnawing at your insides. You’re not thinking about the lies you’ve been holding inside, not thinking about Kazuha, or Eunseok, or the mess you’ve created. For once everything is just the sound and melody that don’t usually mean anything to you but now it feels like your lifeline. 

Just as you begin to settle into the rhythm you hear Aeri twisting the volume knob followed by the music being turned down. You blink, eyes still closed as the quiet rushes in. Your heart sinks due to the absence of noise now amplifying the feelings you just got rid off.

“So, Kazuha” Aeri starts 

“How do you feel about Eunseok being at the party tonight?”

Kazuha doesn’t react immediately. She’s still looking out of the window her profile barely visible in the dim light, but you can see the way her jaw tightens ever so slightly. She’s trying to act unbothered as if the question doesn’t even matter to her. 

"I don’t really care"

She shrugs “I mean, he’s... he’s moved on right? so It's whatever”

“its whatever?” You notice how Kazuha’s fingers tighten around the edge of her seat but she doesn’t let her gaze flicker to Aeri. 

“He didn’t love me anymore” she says her words flat. “I cant make him feel something he doesn’t, can’t force him to love me”

“I’m over it,” oh Kazuha..

 “We’re both fine. No big deal.” Kazuha adds quickly

Aeri watches her for a moment longer, there is a silent understanding across her face but she knows not to press any further.

"Okay.. well, if you're fine, then I guess we’re all good, right?"

 “Hey yn you okay back there?” Aeri asks, glancing at you briefly in the rearview mirror. 

You nod quickly, forcing another smile “Yeah, just... just a little tired still. You know, like always” She raises an eyebrow at you

“Alright, but if you need to bail early, just say it. There is no shame in wanting a good night's sleep”

She then turns her attention back to the road, humming along to the song she turned on again playing on the radio.

-

The deep bass shake the walls and the vibrations go through your bones. Lights flash in time with the music and people crowd the space as their voices rise above the thrum of the speakers. You can feel the air is thick with the mix of body heat and alcohol. You step into the living room as the familiar smell of drinks and faint smoke lingers in the air. The party is already in full swing, you see people pressed together on the dance floor, hands on each others bodies or up in the air.

Kazuha moves ahead of you, her steps confident and her back is straight. Aeri on the other hand is already sitting down laughing with a group of people by the couch, she is clearly unaffected by the crowd around her, her energy radiating as she grabs a drink from Beomgyu’s hand and hands it to you with a grin. 

“You look like you need this” she says

You take the drink from her.

You haven’t had a drink in a while but tonight, you think you can let yourself go. You take a sip and then you feel it. The electric charge of the tequila sunrise, It burns down your throat just as if everyone collectively holds their breath for just a beat. Then you see him. Eunseok. His back is to you, but you know it’s him. You see him standing by the edge of the dance floor laughing with a few friends, which makes your heart skip a beat. It’s been a week since you’ve seen him. Since everything happened and seeing him again so effortlessly at ease makes you suddenly aware of the glass in your hand, turned into a drink you don’t want anymore. You glance at Kazuha who sat next to Aeri now, She’s frozen in place. Her eyes wide and dark, she’s already seen him. She doesn’t move nor speak however you can see it in the way her breath catches. It’s brief but you know her well enough. Aeri notices too, her smile fading as she follows your gaze.

“If you’re not ready for this, we can leave. It’s no big deal.” Aeri says but Kazuha doesn’t budge.

She straightens her back again, the tightness in her jaw telling you everything you need to know. She’s not going anywhere.

She’s going to pretend she’s fine

And Eunseok? He’s just standing there laughing with Seunghan and Shotaro.

-

You see the wooden bathroom door just ahead of you. Someone’s leaning against the wall next to the door, texting frantically on their phone and they don’t move when you approach. It makes you sidestep, feeling a slight wave of irritation since they didnt care about the space they were hogging in the narrow area. You’re not sure if Aeri and Kazuha notices you slip away but you don’t really care either. The bathroom will be a safe space for now, even if it’s just for a few minutes.

You swing the door open and the cool dimly lit room greets you as you lock the door behind you. You need this moment alone. You lean against the sink as your hands grip the cold white marble, you look up to stare at your reflection. Your makeup is still intact, even your hair is still perfectly styled, but your eyes look... Empty. You inhale deeply as the silence in the bathroom is only broken by the sound of your own shallow breathing.

Then a soft knock appears. “its occupied!” you say, not in the mood to deal with a drunk person pestering you. 

There’s a pause on the other side of the door. The person coughs.

that voice

Even with just a simple cough you couldn’t fail to recognize something you found too familiar. 

Eunseok

Standing here right now, only a piece of wood dividing the both of you, so close yet so far.

How long has he been standing there? Did he see you slip away from the party? 

 "Hey" Eunseok’s voice floats through the door smooth and quiet.

"yn you okay in there?"

Another knock, it’s even firmer this time. it makes you close your eyes and wish for him tojust fuck off hoping it would be that simple. You take a long breath, then another, you know there is no way out now.

“I’m good” you finally say.

he’s right there

just on the other side of the door

waiting..

His response feels like forever, the only thing you hear is how his footsteps shifts due to the slight creak of the floorboards outside the bathroom. 

“I didn’t mean to interrupt” His tone is soft like how he usually talks to you, but this time it’s like he is almost trying to draw you out.

“I just... I don’t know, I’ve been thinking about you. about us..” .. “hah it feels a bit weird saying this to a door though” you hear him awkwardly chuckle.

You grip the edge of the sink. You don’t want to hear this and you most definitely don’t want him to be anywhere near you right now. You wont respond, you can’t. Your mind is racing and all of your thoughts swirl back to the week prior and how good he made you feel. The way he took care of your body like no other and how he.. no.

“I know we haven’t exactly... talked. You know since everything happened” Eunseok continues “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay” he pauses. 

Please shut up Eunseok.

“I know things got complicated. I... I don’t know, I’m not sure how to fix any of it. I just.. yn I’m here if you need me"

You close your eyes tightly and bite down on your lower lip, so hard you are scared itll bleed. You want to tell him to leave and to fuck back to the party, but the words stick in your throat.

“Are you sure you're okay?” Eunseok asks again.

“I can wait out here, if you need some time”

Before you know what you are doing your fingers fumble with the lock as your heart race. The sound of the click echoes in the otherwise silent bathroom. Obviously It wasn’t your intention to give in to Eunseok like this, but something about the way he’s standing out there, his voice low and so gentle like it pulled at you. So you figured that now is the time to take control of this moment. You open the door just a crack, enough to see him standing on the other side, his eyes slightly wide. He is dressed casually, a black t-shirt and jeans, its so effortless but in his presence and in his proximity it feels suffocating. You can’t deny he looks handsome.

“Hey yn” Eunseok says again. He’s standing a few inches away now, his hands resting in his pockets. It’s almost too normal. Too casual for this situation. 

Without thinking the door swings wider and before either of you can say another word you reach out grab the front of his shirt and pull him inside. The door locks shut behind him, and you’re standing there in the space of the small bathroom. His eyes meet yours but there’s no time for him to process, and no time for him to ask why you pulled him into this tiny intimate space, away from the eyes of the party. The pulse is thundering in your ears as your body feels like it's shaking but you can’t let go. You can’t step back now.

“I..” You start, but your voice betrays you. You swallow hard, trying to steady your breath.

what are you supposed to say yn?

Eunseok’s hand moves instinctively, he reaching out to steady you as his fingers brush against your arm. The contact makes your stomach flip. Eunseok´s touch is so familiar but it feels all wrong like it's bringing everything you’ve been trying to avoid hitting down on you.

“I’m sorry" Eunseok murmurs “I should have said something earlier, but you know…” he continues. “The thing is… I never stopped thinking about you” you blink a few times, you then take a step back as you try to process what he’s just said.

“Eunseok… no.. not this right now. Not here, not no-”

“Then how am I supposed to talk to you when you keep avoiding me yn?”

You pause, hearing a tint of frustration in his voice.“fuck, this isn’t something we can just talk about as if it’s normal! You don’t get to say that, not after what we did Eunseok”

You kept going now, growing frustrated by his eagerness. If he wants to talk. Then fuck it, talk you shall. “Like… How could we even do that to her?.. and how could you lead her on like that knowing.. knowing you felt something for me?”

Eunsuk flinches “I get it alright?" his tone is defensive now as if trying to brace himself against the words of what’s just been said. “You think I’m some kind of dick, that I’m the one who’s messed everything up, for not saying anything to her. I get that. But don’t act like you regret what we did yn” He takes a step closer not quite within your personal space, but close enough that you can feel the heat of his presence. His jaw clenches and for the first time tonight you see the frustration that has been simmering underneath his calm facade.

“Yeah, I lied to her. But don’t try to tell me you didn’t want this too" his words feels sharper now, the reality of what’s been happening between you two, getting more serious "If you didn’t feel the same way, if you didn’t want me as much as I wanted you, you wouldn’t have slept with me." He saw right through you, he always did. You tell him you don't want him near yourself, and yet… his lips looks so inviting. It’s so obvious now.

“It’s like you are playing some sick game with me yn, trying to convince yourself that you are not the kind of person who would do this, who would sleep with your best friend’s ex, news flash you already did” he nears you.

“No no no stop” You repeat while shaking your head.

You wanna blame him for everything. You wanna scream and shout that he manipulated you into this mess and that he is some kind of twisted guy who does this for entertainment.

“You are the one who lied to Kazuha and kept stringing her along, knowing full well that you felt something for me Eunseok” … “You made your choices as you kept pretending, kept making her believe everything was fine! and now I’m ruled into this mess!”

For a brief second, his eyes flash with something, anger? frustration? guilt? or perhaps all of the above.

"Don’t lie to me, alright?" his voice is low now.

“You didn’t have to sleep with me, you didn’t have to let me kiss you or touch you the way I did.” he pauses before he continues “but the thing is you didn’t stop me! You could’ve easily pushed me away at any time in that room. So don’t stand there acting all holy and shit like you didn’t want this too. Don’t act like you didn’t have any fucking part in it”

The truth is, it’s so much easier to pretend you are not the kind of person who would do this, because deep down, both Eunseok and you know that you are trying to find a way out of this mess that doesn’t make you look like the selfish, confused, fucked-up person you are.

you are selfish, so selfish yn

You don’t care about anyone else feelings except your own

“I was already going on dates with her before I found out how I truly felt” His brown eyes looks at yours, and you can see they plead for you to listen to him, to hear him out “and now I don’t know how to stop thinking about you.."

He grabs your hand in his, taking it down to his crotch to let you feel his bulge underneath his pants. You feel yourself getting wet, by the thought of him getting hard because of you.

"come closer.. look what you are doing to me"

You’ve already done the damage, already crossed the line. All those times you’ve felt the slight jealousy of him and Kazuha together, or when you’d listen carefully when she mentions their silly fights, in hopes of one of them having enough and break it off. Now as soon as they did, you hopped straight into your chances, it was just all to your luck that Eunseok felt the same. But it didn’t make you any less of a bad friend, any less evil.

He is right,

you don’t regret sleeping with him yn

You only regret that there’s a chance Kazuha might find out

Your morals are nonexistent as you close the distance between you two. The kiss is heated, hot and breathy. You don’t know if it’s the desire or the pent-up emotions that travels around your body but right now you couldn’t care less.

You kiss him without a worry in the world. It’s addictive how his tongue swirls with yours, and how good he is a making you want more. "Fuuck im so happy you are wearing this dress, so sexy for me yeah" he growls into your mouth while sliding his hands underneath the black fabric to pull down your thong, feeling how your wetness try to cling on to it as he pulls it down. "already wet for me, tsk you probably wanted me to come find you here didn't you?" he smirks. "wanted me to fuck you while Kazuha is down stairs" you roll your eyes. "fuck you" your comment makes him laugh. "oh baby, you will"

He flips you around, making you face the mirror, his jeans already down to his ankles as he grabs his cock, dragging it up and down your folds to lube his shaft, he positions himself by your entrance. "look at yourself while I fuck you" he doesn't give you a minute to spare before he slides in his cock. You moan loudly due to his size, still havent adjusted to how big he is as it makes you claw after the marble sink, gripping it tightly. He goes deeper, keep on pushing into you making you feel so full of him. You sink your head down due to the feeling of him stretching you out, but he quickly grabs your jaw pulling it back up. "I said look at yourself while I fuck you yeah?" he says, staying still now, fully settled inside.

"yes" you exhale. "such a good girl" he praises you and slams into you, feeling your muscles contract. He shoves his cock deeper into you, making sure to bruise your hole every time he pushes into you, making you moan out loud. "fuck such a slut for me yn" He starts thrusting in you roughly this time he isn't holding back. He retracts one of the hands on your waist and grabs one of your hair to steady your head, forcing you to watch him fuck you. You can see how your own brows scrunch together as the pleasure from his cock is driving you insane. Nails digging into the hard marble, while moans slip out of your mouth. You also like the way his other hand dig harshly on your waist, the pain mixing well with the pleasure.

A whine escapes from your throat as he starts hitting a particular spot inside you. Eunseok´s eyes focused on how your eyes seem to look hazier and hazier in the mirror, your mouth gone slack as he hits your g-spot. "fuck yn, you look so good taking my cock like that" he huffs. His eyes glued to your face now. He contiunes jamming into you feeling himself approach his climax with the way you clench around him. "oh fuck please Eunseok!" the rhytimic pace against your g-spot grows your nearer, feeling the coil in your stomach warm. "oh Eunseok!, oh my god" "cmon baby, let go" you tighten around his shaft, while he fucks you through your orgasm. His thrust then becomes erratic as he feels himself nearing the edge. "fuck baby, im gonna cum" he growls as he drives his cock a few more times into you, before coming inside you. "Love how you feel yn" with shallow thrusts he spills every last drop inside you.

The mirror is fogged up now due to the increased humidity and moisture in the air. You notice how Eunseok is now peppering kisses on your jaw while still snug inside you. “mmmh Eunseok.. we- we need to go back down” he doesn’t stop but is now moving his lips up your cheek. “hmm wanna stay here, wanna be inside you foreve-“

You stiffened as both of your gazes turn onto the door, listening to the sound coming from the other side “Yn? are you in there?” Your stomach dropped, panic flooding your veins. Aeri…

"fuck" you quietly curse.

She cant see you in here

Not with Eunseok

You quietly pull him away from you, Eunseok hissing at the lost contact of your walls around him. You then yank up your thong feeling his cum slowly drip out as you feel the heat of embarrassment rush over you. The sweat starts to bead on your forehead, the panic creeping in as you realize how close you are to getting caught. You take a deep breath to steady your nerves before answering her, . "Uh, yeah, I'm in here! What's up? Everything okay?"

"no.. Kazuha started crying downstairs.. so I took her to the car to sit in peace. I think it´s for the best we leave.."

"wait what? okay ill quickly be there!… uhm you can get the engine started!"

"okay be quick!" you hear her voice, followed by the sound of footsteps fading as she walks away from the bathroom door until all that’s left is the hollow silence in the room.

"Fuck!" you say out loud, knowing Aeri cant hear you anymore. You swallow hard and shift your attention to Eunseok, who is already looking at you with worried eyes.

"she needs me.. I have to go Eunseok.." His face falters and a deep sigh escapes him. He doesn’t reach for you, doesn’t stop you from leaving, what he does is taking a small step back to create some space for you to walk towards the door.

-

In the car it's quiet. None of you speak a word. No radio to fill the space, no open windows to bring in the sounds of the outside world. Just pure silence.

Aeri pulls into Kazuha´s driveway. The engine shuts off and the silence once again swallowing the space among you. Neither of you moves right away to unbuckle the seatbelt, as you all sit there for a long moment. You know things aren’t going to be easy from here on out. All you can do is sit in the silence and wait for it to blow over.. knowing this is just the start of it all.

Hope you guys enjoyed this fic! (Although it’s an open ending..) feel free to leave a comment on what you think about it! It’s always nice to hear you guy’s reaction!!

Have a great day! I love you! 😘

[hopeheartfilia]

i always have so much fun reading the s class that i raised

[jelly-fishie]

Toji N$FW Alphabet 🖤

A-Z

WARNING: MDNI PLEASE

A - After care

Honestly he's not that big on after care, it's not the first thing that comes to mind when hes finished with you But if you ask he'll probably use your money to go get some food or something maybe even cuddle for a bit if your lucky.

(he secretly loves looking after you and actually will clean make the bed thing like that etc, while you clean up)

B - Body part (fav part of you and him)

Toji very obviously has a favourite bit of you because its always the part covered in hickeys, which just happens to be your ass and tits, your best assets of course.

Toji's very confident about his looks, he knows he's attractive. More importantly he knows just how much you love his arms, and if you love them then he loves them too. (i mean he did anyway but maybe just a little bit more with you liking it too.)

C - C0m3 (anything to do with it)

Toji is dirtyyyy But he hates cleaning it up so he'll make sure he only gets it on you. Its like sand at the beach youll still find little bits of it hours later. He especially loves getting it on your chest and face, and maybe even a little bit all over your ass.

D - dirty secret

This man has a scent kink… yeah. He loves the way you smell… yeah sure the perfume or cologne is nice and the body lotion smells good but… he loves the smell of your natural musk. If you’re working out together and he gets horny because you’re teasing him by doing squats? He’ll nearly pounce on you because he knows you're sweaty. He is addicted to it, shamelessly dipping his head between your thighs and running his nose along your inner thighs, inhaling so deeply it makes you squirm because you know what he’s doing but you can’t get the words out. I’m telling you, he’s a filthy, freaky mother fucker… the dirtier the better… but not too dirty, ya know? 

E - experience (how experienced are they?)

This man is probably nearly a hundred digits in his body count, over the past 20 years or so. He slept around a lot before mamaguro and Then became the most loyal loving mf before she unalived. After she did i reckon he didn't actually get it on with anyone for at least a year or 2.

Anyway you get the point he's very experienced.

F - favourite position

Oh he loves doggy style or you in his lap, He's strong so he could up you up for hours. He just loves watching you squirm and moan beneath him as his cumfills you up. Jesus even the thought of that image makes him hard.

His real favourites are 69 or reverse cowgirl. Anything where he has a hold of your ass really.

G - Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? Are they humorous? etc.)

Honestly i think toji is more teasing then goofy, it all really depends on what you like. (he will tease you regardless but maybe a bit less if you say you dont like it.)

H - Hair (are they well groomed?)

He doesn't really care about it really, he'll wash and maybe trim if it gets annoying or if you ask him. If he's in a serious relationship with you he'll have a little more maintenance, he likes pruning.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

He's pretty serious during the moment, maybe an unintentional joke or two and some teasing but other then that 100% serious. He does tend to get a little awkward during the romantic aspect, he wont mutter any "I love yous.." or anything like that. He'll make up for it in praise or dirty talk.

J - Jacking off

Anywhere, anytime, any place. If he needs to get off and you arent there hes grabbing your lotion and looking at your home movies. You've walked in on him a few times but that doesn't stop him and he just ask you to join him, saying the videos 'aren't enough for him'.

K - Kink (one or more)

This man has so many kinks i dont even know where to start, personally hes been associated with breeding and daddy kink (Not so found of the daddy kink) soo often and honestly i kinda agree, he loves seeing a little bulge in your stomach, whether its his dick causing it or something else he loves it.

He also seems like the kind of guy to do anal, but he wouldn't really do it unless you said something, but the minute you do the pants are off. He also loves bdsm, pain and spanking all that, in fact he'd get his nips pierced if he didnt think he'd pop a boner when he got it down.

L- Location and length (where he prefers it, how long it lasts. 2 in 1)

Toji is more then willing to do it anywhere, he's the kind of guy to do it in the mens bathroom if you guys really wanted too but the older he gets and the longer he's with you the more privacy he wants, dont get me wrong he's still down for anything but he appreciates the privacy more.

He likes to take his time with you as well, making sure your always satisfied at the end of it.

M - Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

He loves seeing you get dressed up, walking around in a bodycon dress showing off your figure or walking around dolled up in a new lingerie set (it could literally be plain black he'd still be all over you.) with a nice perfume and your right but in bed.

If you dont feel like dressing up just cuddle in his lap and give him a little nibble or two on his neck, that really gets him going.

N - No's (thing they would absolutely never do)

While he likes pain he would never draw blood using things like a knife or pins or anything that could seriously harm you, he might accidentally bite you too hard but event that he slightly dislikes.

Since he's a father of sorts he really hates things like age play or Being called daddy. He's not totally against calling you ma or mama to tease you but that's it.

O - Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Oh this man loves eating you out, sometimes he'll spend more time eating you out then actually fucking you, he loves feeling you squirt all over him and licking the rest off of you. He certainly also doesnt mind when you go down on him, but personally he prefers your pussy.

P - Pace (are they fast, slow, sensual?)

Honestly it totally depends on the mood and how you like it. He usually adjusts it to the fit the both of you, but this man is naturally rough and fast, but hes just as capable of taking it easy.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He'll never pass up an opportunity with you, whether its make up sex or a two minute blow. Quickies arent his favourite but he's always up for it.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? Do they take risks? etc.)

Toji's old enough and experienced to know what he likes and what he doesn't, but if you manage to bring him something new he'll always consider it..

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

Oh toji can go for HOURS. You'll rarely have less then 3 rounds with him. He could probably go for a day or two if he really really wanted to.

T - Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

Yes, but mainly on you, toji doesn't really use them for himself, maybe a cock ring or something. On you, however as long as your buying it he'll help or watch you use anything

U - Unfair (how much they like to tease) 

Oh he’s evil. Toji will damn near torture you just for his own satisfaction. He’s so mean to you in bed but he’ll make sure you cum. So I guess you can’t necessarily say he’s “unfair” in that aspect

V - Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Its all moans and groans from this man, he'll whisper a few curses under his breath but that's it. Unless you've been going for a while, then you start hearing low sort of sound, whines almost.

W - Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

You both make home videos, and with your permission of course he posts a few of them. He always blurs out faces and important details to keep anonymity. In fact you guys make a pretty penny on it every time the check comes in, you also love reading all the weird dirty comments together and laugh at them.

X - X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

This man is hung and no one can convince me otherwise, in fact its hard for him to get it all in seeing as he grows to 8 inches max, and the human vagina can only take seven. Speaking of pussy he stretches you out good. He's not only long but wide too.

Y - Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Honestly I'd say it's kind of low, he kinda just lets it build up over the week until you get in the mood or he needs to get off and lets it all out.

Z - Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Toji can knock out in 10 seconds or 10 minutes. It depends on how rough he was with you because he’s trying to get better with aftercare. He wants to at least clean you up and make sure you’re okay before knocking out and snoring like a bear for the next eight hours. 

He also always wants to have cuddled up and spooned up for a little while after, he likes the feeling of being loved/domesticated.

[stevie-petey]

making grabby hands and kicking my feet like a baby in a high chair at dinner time for more cute steve and bug blurbs im STILL thinking about the dream blurb 😔 i need more please bbg 😔😔😔🤞

because im feelin nice i will feed yall and i wanna elaborate more on why i consider steve bugs twin flame rather than her soulmate <333 (i actually have two angsty blurbs lined up sol this is to compensate for later)

enjoy <3

"did you just steal a brownie?"

steve stares at you, eyes wide, with crumbs all over his face. "no, why would you think that?"

you set the rack of brownies down and glare at the teen. you know hes lying, he knows you know hes lying, and dustin is a witness to it all. looking at your brother, you cross your arms and inhale deeply. "dustin, did steve take a brownie?"

"im not a part of this."

steve lifts his fist for a fist bump, which he accepts with a slight smirk on his face. seeing this, your annoyance only grows. youve spent all day baking brownies for mikes birthday, and you invited steve over to help since hes grown to like baking with you. however, for the last hour now youve been smacking his grubby fucking hands away from the first batch of brownies that were left to cool on the counter.

"steve," you exhale now, close your eyes and count to ten in your head. youre overheating, the kitchen is unbearably hot in the april spring, and your head pounds as it begs for water. trying desperately to cling onto your sanity, you open your eyes and look at the teen. "this is your last chance before i get violent."

dustins smirk quickly slides off his face at your words. he knows you mean them, he knows youll throw a spatula at the boys any second, yet in his panicked scramble to flee the kitchen, dustin notices that steve doesnt even flinch.

"violent, huh?"

your eyes darken and your hand slowly moves toward the spatula that rests against the counter top. dustin sucks in a breath, now out of spatula range, and watches with amazement as steve remains unphased. "you heard me, harrington."

steve notices the spatula now in your hand, and to dustins horror, he chuckles. "oh, like thats gonna hurt me, angel."

"did. you. steal. a. brownie?" you sneer at him, spatula raised and ready to throw.

"i. did. not." steve lies right through his teeth.

"you fucking liar!" a spatula flies through the air and dustin ducks as it collides against steves chest. "you know ive been working all day on them, youre supposed to ask me before taking anything that i bake!"

and there it is, the explosion that dustin had feared. he winces, youre terrifying when you shout, and yet steve only smiles.

"hey, i helped bake them. dont forget that."

dustin swears he sees your eye twitch. "im sorry?"

"apology accepted!" steve jumps over the counter and scoops you into his arms before you or dustin can even blink. he twirls you around, tickles your side as he spins you, and helplessly all you can do is giggle at his menacing attack. "oh, you dont sound so angry now, y/n!"

"s-stop!" youre breathless, and yet still you laugh as steve continues to dance you around the kitchen and tickle your neck with the side of his nose as he buries his face into your hair. you can feel him smile against your neck, and your heart skips a beat.

however, the fucker stole one of mikes brownies.

you shove against steves chest and free yourself from his grasp. you point a finger at him, stern despite your breathlessness from giggling. "no, im still mad at you!"

"im sorry, angel. i really am." steve grabs the finger aimed at his chest and draws you in yet again. he kisses the finger, soft and sweet, and you melt. the anger is gone, all thats left are your flushed cheeks. "i'll make it up to you, i promise."

dustin finds himself fascinated by this dance between the two of you.

it takes only a second before you accept his apology, which shocks dustin. if it were anyone else, youd hold this over their head all day, yet for steve your forgeivness seems to come naturally. "fine, but im making you crack all the eggs this time. my hands smell."

steve smiles at your demand, he agrees to the conditions, and silently the two of you begin prepping for the next batch of brownies.

dustin stands in the kitchen, completely forgotten about now, and hes baffled by whats just happened. hes never seen someone able to simultaneously anger yet maulify you so quickly. if it had been jonathan, you wouldve shaken your head at him and teased him, maybe flick your spatula at him, but the annoyance wouldve simmered for the rest of the day despite the forgiveness. there wouldve been no theatrical yelling, no ignited eyes and flushed cheeks.

but with steve, the anger diminishes with just a smile, a kiss to your finger. your cheeks are still red, your breathing is still slightly labored, and steve looks just as exhilarated as you do.

it strikes dustin, then, that hes never seen someone handle this side of you before.

its like steve knew how to push all the right buttons to get you to yell at him just so he could wrap you in his arms and make you laugh. distantly, dustin wonders if that had been steves plan all along; get you riled up just to leave you breathless with you in his arms to distract you from your exhaustion.

clearing his throat, dustin decides he should leave. youre whispering to steve softly now, more gigglings arising. "im going to my room, you guys are unbearable to be around."

"love you too!" both you and steve shout back at him, a practiced ease to it after doing this for months now.

dustin cant help but smile; his sister has met her match.

[cogmented]

how do you come up with your designs for mcyt’s? theyre so creative and cool so i thought id ask

THANK YOU AND THANK YOU FOR THE QUESTION

now entering yap city tihs will be a long post

my steps are basically

voice

personality

og look of minecraft skin/branding

player movement

other ppls fanart (if any)

things that happened/cultural associations

i start with a bunch of random sketches to get the feel of the person.. that's why so many of my early posts were doodle pages. to me, character design is more based on what the person is like rather than what they look like. i think a lot of people do that

I do this with all of the above and shape language, but in bigger art pieces outside of lineups i also use color and perspective (as in youll see more of someone like spepticle in large, sweeping scenes while someone like zam in closed, heavily perspective-based ones) to indicate personality. ill change designs when suited for this too (spoke with or without a gas mask, vi with or without a mouth, etc etc)

my first iteration of lifesteal designs heavily relied on the look of the skins and were gradually tweaked over time. my most prominent example of this is my spoke design, so i'll use him at least once in the examples for continuous comparison.

i watch a couple of each person's videos first, understand their voice, personality, and what they do, then focus on them in other people's videos too to get a full story, their movement, and what others think of them (helps with personality and things we might not see). streams are the most helpful because they're less biased and you see so much more of their antics. huge stream fan.

i get into the how after this

this process doesnt go in order for some designs and others have a more prominent focus on particular parts of the process that override or effect other parts

Voice

starting off with not spoke here's a problem i encountered when designing wemmbu

I based him a lot off of spoke and ashswag due to not knowing much about him besides the fact that he schemes (spoke&ash-esque) and he doesn't move his character around too much when talking (ash behavior). he didn't match the left one because his voice doesn't have the dramatic, flamboyant fratboy flair that spoke has, so I shifted it to be more friendly yet still dangerous with curved square shapes rather than triangles. i made his scheming, diabolical nature more evident through his clothing that's pretty jester-like and sharp, but with a smoother middle that spoke doesn't have (and to match his eyes).

voice also impacts character height. i dont know how to describe this. mapicc and zam are similar heights because their voices are similar, same goes for parrot and vortex, but leo and vitalasy are close to the same height (due to vitalasy's huge fuckass ears) despite having wildly different voices, with leo's bold text voice and vitalasy's higher-pitched jumbled kinda speech they still take up the same "amount of space" in conversation. they stand out. and even though spoke's voice also stands out an incredible amount he is still only slightly taller than average. this is where personality overrides voice in my designs.

Personality

spoke is sharp in every sense of the word, but is also able to mold himself around to get what he needs.

my first attempt at him was pretty lackluster. i didn't know much of him at the time, only his wither video, and thus understood him mainly through his association with parrot. he seemed a lot more evil and more serious at first glance. like woah! fully fledged mouth and nose?! not anymore.

i cover certain expressive parts to also depict more of their personality in some abstract, holistic way. after watching streams and whatnot, spoke doesnt actually speak (excluding his random sounds and yips or whatever he does) too terribly much, except when the spotlight is on him or he's trying to get something. so, i tweaked his design to encompass that when i understood him better.

i take away his arms to allow his hands to stand out more (character movement thing, he moves around a lot when no one is paying attention to him, punches the air when ..not talking but making a point ig. he's a big fan of hovering menacingly), i give him a slinky-like outside skeletal structure to both capture his affinity for withers (i made him a wither thing because of the wither sounds in his video.. and the withers in general) and to give him the feeling of more freedom with his movement.

i also just really like gas masks so. basically, spoke is someone that hides away until he chooses to stand out. thank lord heaven he looks like some shadow creature.

later on i gave him more magenta highlights, especially in the wormhole era because 1. magenta wasnt heavily included in his rainbow look, making it stand out on his whole being, and 2. because magenta is really really cool and people should use it more.

og minecraft skin/branding

hi spokeis here. this will be quick because his branding is so heavy. lightning, rainbow, black. boom. character. withers and white eyes? easy. causes a lot of anarchy? again, lightning and withers.

planetlord on the other hand is someone i greatly differed from the og skin and branding. i saw the design in a vision idk. i shift his colors all the time in different pieces but i use more of his pfp colors now because there's too many purples in this world. his branding, personality, and voice all connect very well. a bit misleading, he's a bit of a weasel.

Movement

i never used to look into movement, but pvp styles and conversational movement of lifesteal is intriguing. unfortunately it was only something i started paying attention to during the end of s4 because vitalasy's movement was so interesting. he's a big fan of getting in people's faces.

ill be real, i didn't really notice spoke a lot during things because he was almost always never alone, and when he was it is always at a distance or you knew he had people to back him up.

spoke's movement isn't actually too abnormal. he's goal oriented and tends to always be doing something, and when he does he finds the most efficient way possible. pretty basic. his design choices are based mainly on voice and personality.

someone like mapicc on the other hand has very particular movement. he spins around people when fighting and gets right up in their face (in nethpot pvp mostly), so i made his clothing tighter to the skin with looser parts to accentuate that movement: practical clothing for close combat battles. it was also noticed (by the lord) that he tends to look straight forward instead of the slightly down that most players do.

zam fights differently, but i made him with the og branding (he's princezam) and what he does in mind. his body language in my art is more indicative of his personality.

Other people's fanart

shoutout the community, a notable amount of ideas were from the mid-late 2022 lifesteal community.

dog leowook and leather jacket mapicc were from gen, jackalope rek from aoi i think, "croptop" jacket spoke from saints-blade, snail terrain from navy-leader, tv ashswag from kish, sock puppet red definitely from someone i dont remember, 4 armed squiddo from seri, and old cartoon jaron was from bucket

Things that happened/istarted talking about cultural inspirations

spoke and his connection to godhood influenced his redesign greatly. this section affects what the character wears most of the time.

i give both spoke and vitalasy painted palms (alta) due to their connection with godhood and destruction, with spoke in particular reminding me a lot of Kali Ma, thus i gave him a skirt (due to nppp too). vitalasy's clothing is based on Indonesian cultural clothing. wemmbu's also takes inspiration from Indonesian and Bhutan cultural clothing.

indigenous cultures inspired some designs too (i do a lot of ethnographic anthropology work with some of the tribes i base the clothing off of), with woogie having Yupik and Inuit inspiration. polar bear = cold climate in my head. and leo has Haida and Yunnan (minority Chinese providence, not a tribe) inspiration.

bacon's... not bacon strip design's clothing was based on Bangladeshi clothing (im Bangladeshi, i also added alpona patterns to ash's design), nomadic cultures, and some german pilgrim thing?? idk not my best design. i specifically looked for nomadic inspiration because of his willingness to flee at any moment lol. i didnt do this for rek despite his fleeing reputation because i dont watch rek content too much and he already had hybrid traits that took care of that presentation.

poafa's design is a goat because of the medusa trials where he was used as a scapegoat. makes sense i think. his horns are from past associations with jepex that infected mapicc as well (devil trio s1). zam's design is very much from s3 empire and s4 castle.

planet's design changed slightly, mostly rounder shapes, but also the number of "spikes" on his scarf, now stuck at three because of 3ht.. and easier to draw than five. minutetech has a bow instead of a bowtie from jumper due to s5 happenings. the gem on his crown has wemmbu's highlights from his gem's main color.

roshambo's design was also heavily influenced by medusa where i gave him a snake body. in my art that depicts before medusa events he doesn't have the snake body, and same goes with before s4 spoke where i draw him with full pants. in some sketches ive depicted mapicc with a muzzle only after the destruction of s4 spawn due to quix's mapicc dog influence shoutout.

mapicc and ro have matching things that persist seasons (mapicc periwinkle collar, ro red painted ring finger... head finger?), as did subz and vitalasy with matching shoulder pads (beginning of s4 subz had a bandana and vitalasy had a bell that traded between them through artworks of mine) Vitalasy also gained sun and moon earrings. mid and 4c have matching hoods/cloaks ^_^ marriage or something.

hope this made sense and covered everything you could have ever wanted forever... feel free to ask me questions i love explaining processes

[gamblersdoll]

The bully Guts harasses the nerd.. Nsfw 🤓

cw:bully!guts, nerdish!reader , slight teasing, being pinned against the wall, groping, fingering.

guts wasnt the type to bully you in a vicious manner.

not the average kind of bully who tried to make your life a living hell, but the kind that could spread rumors about you.

at first it was the harmless ‘she has big tits,’ that didnt bother you. youd hear the boys talk about them behind you while you had your face in a thick novel or eyes watching some old romance movie or documentary.

then it became clear that he had to have checked you out, because the rumor of ‘have you ever gotten back shots before?’ when you had never partaken in sexual activity.

guts had taken it upon himself to even start a ‘wonder how many inches that she could take’ train, and you eventually had to turn your phone on dnd to drown out the messages pinging your phone.

today, was absolutely no different. tomorrow is a better day.

or at least you thought.

“do you like having six? or eight?” guts asked, having you cornered into a wall and looming over you, arms folded.

“six or eight what?” you asked, somewhat confused and eyes furrowed.

“inches nerd.” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. you rambled on about how that was such an intrusive question, considering it wasnt his business for starters, and you were a virgin.

“we’ll see about that.” he said, putting his large hand on your breast, causing you to get red in the face and stifle back a moan. his hands made easy work of your skirt, hiking it up and moving your panties to the side.

“guts what are you–!” you tried to whisper yell, but he stopped you.

“i know you want this, considering the way you look at me.” he said, taking a thick finger and sliding it between your slick folds. “your body is telling me otherwise.” he snickered.

“thats not–!” you tried to say, but you felt a slight stretch in your walls, causing you to jolt and writhe slightly. guts curled his finger into your gummy walls, keeping a good rhythm on fingering your cervix to your g-spot.

he kisses you, trying to keep your protests and moans contained. he was skilled, youll give him that. why do you say that? because you were about to come.

you read about this somewhere, how inexperienced people will come quickly because of the sensitivity– especially if they dont masturbate.

you gripped on his thick arms, legs trembling and threatening to collapse, yet you come with a whimper in his mouth, feeling what you realize is your own come dripping out of you onto his finger.

he straightened out your clothes, pulling your panties back to their original state and fixing your skirt. he mumbles out a ‘see you soon, book brain.’ and he made sure to have you watch him put the come stained finger in his mouth, and sucking it off in one pop.

you were in a daze, remembering all that had happened in school.

you hated how guts flooded your mind, because that wasn’t bullying or his usual behavior. could he possibly..

you didnt know, but the only thing you did know was when you saw his face, your heart would swell, and the lingering stares you both exchanged to each other was apparent. putting your hand on your clit, a hand on your breast, and had your finger delve into your walls.

today was a better day.

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

hai ariiiiii :3 guess whos SICK . me . im sick

ANYWAY thinking abt sugubooboo taking care of u while sick ,,,,,,,,

u kno when u get that feeling ur gonna b sick in the morning the night b4 it all hits ? i think sugu picks up on that after u blow ur nose one 2 many times n he asks if ur okay

ur not. obviously . so he heats up some nice peppermint tea, and something my mom does when im sick is take some honey, mix it w ginger powder + some other stuff thats good 4 ur throat and make me eat a spoonful of it [its gross as HELLLL i hate it but i feel a lil better afterwards] then tucks u in2 bed [later after uve fallen asleep he calls out of work for tomorrow, he REFUSES to leave u alone + sick]

the next morning ur properly Sick and suguru wakes u up w breakfast in bed, all warm foods infused with clove, mint, ginger, and sets a few packs of tissues next 2 the bed

after uve eaten he lays in bed w u 4 a bit, kissing your head and fiddling w ur hands. eventually u ask abt work, he said he called out 4 both u n him.

he trusts u 2 take a shower on ur own, but when u get out hes holding a towel and wraps u in it immediately then just hovers around u as u do ur morning routine, making sure youre okay n not abt 2 like . pass out or smthn

once ur dressed and fully cocooned in the bed once again, suguru pours out some cold medicine 4 u and hands u water once that NASTY liquid slides down ur throat. he gives u a lil candy as a palate cleanser tho, hes not mean

i think after that u just fall in and out of sleep 4 teh rest of the day until u get hungry again or need another dose of medicine. sometimes u wake up 2 suguru humming and playing w ur hair while he reads a book, sometimes he joins u and takes a nap w u. the only time u wake up alone is when its lunch or dinner n hes in the kitchen making smthn spicy 2 open ur sinuses

everytime u take a dose of medicine, he kisses you on the lips then pushes a glass of water in one hand n some candy in the other. hed probably mumble 'good job' or smthn like that in2 the top of ur head as he cuddles u while ur trying 2 get the taste out of ur mouth

he does NOT care if u sneeze n get snot all over him, puke on him if u have a stomach bug, cough in his face, or r generally disheveled. u could never disgust him.

if its sunny out, hell offer 2 take u outside just 4 a lil bit. if u dont think u can walk hes gonna pick u up. no complaining u NEED that sun, hell argue while sliding the patio door open

youll sit out 4 a bit, soaking up the sunshine then when u want 2 go back 2 bed hell carry u back and gently tuck u in2 bed

if ur 2 weak 2 even blow ur nose, hes holding the tissue 2 ur nose n waiting 4 u 2 blow. the chapstick might b all the way across the room n ur savior ends up being suguru and his long legs. the temp in the house is 2 hot? hes turning the a/c down and all the fans r coming 2 ur room bcuz he knows how slow the heating n cooling takes 2 change.

also everytime he walks in2 the room, hes asking how r u? do u need anything? does anything hurt too much? and he probably has smthn 4 u 2 do so ur not on ur phone all day [guess . guess who was on their phone all day . ME]

at the very end of the day, hes got u curled up in his lap on the bed, INCREDIBLY comfortable, and theres some movie on the tv in the bedroom. like juno or some other feel good indie movie. sugurus just kissing u everywhere on ur face and clutching u tight 2 him because u got super clingy after he had 2 run out 4 last minute groceries. since its past dinner time, he gives u lil candied ginger pieces 2 help w ur throat n other snacks 2 go w the movie.

eventually u fall asleep in his arms in the middle of the movie, smothered in warmth on all sides.

OKAY . WOW . moving on, HOW WAS UR DAY ARI ??? tell me abt that book ur reading rn !! u seem very enthusiastic abt it, id luv 2 know y ^_^ ! [personally my day was . ouchie . and ive got a book abt decolonialism checked out from the library rn :3]

ASHLEY !!!!!!!!! i’m answering this kinda late i hope your cold is gone by now 😔😔😔

BUT . GODDDDDDDDDD ARE YOU OUT TO KILL ME 😭😭😭😭😭😭 BE HONEST . how did you know sugu sickfics are my greatest weakness………… (i actually have . a whole fic just like this that i wrote a year ago or so 😭😭 YOU MADE ME WANNA GO BACK N READ IT HHHH this is very bad for my weak suguloving heart….) I’M JUST. I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO SAYY. you keep serving me meals on a silver platter n i’m just?!?!! eating gratefully …. thank you……

NO BC YOU’RE SOOOOO RIGHT YOU’RE SO OBJECTIVELY CORRECT :((((((( HE’S. THE SWEETEST. the best bf around !!!!!! he’s so good at caring for you when you’re sick…. sniffle……. AND OFCCCC HE’D PICK UP ON IT INSTANTLY TOO. his sixth sense is so crazy accurate when it comes to his baby </33333 and wahhh him making you tea and tucking you in and calling in sick for you 🥺🥺🥺 he just wants you to feel better……

WAKING YOU UP . W BREAKFAST IN BED. WHAT IF I CRYYYYY THIS CONCEPT IS SO DEAR TO MY HEART ASHLEY ….. and him just. hovering around you. i feel like he would stand outside the bathroom while you shower just in case you were to fall over or smth…….. he’s so caring :(((( and wrapping you up in a towel…… cocooning you into bed. sniffle. i need him to baby me sooooo bad it’s not a want it’s a need …… he rlly would stay by your side the Whole time………… cooks for you and tends to you and makes sure you’re okay . he’s so good. i feel like he kind of really loves it too….. he doesn’t love that you’re sick BUT . he loves being allowed to take care of you :’3 loves making you feel better.

ALSOOO him kissing you and praising you whenever you take your medicine T_T oughhhhhhhh one kiss on the forehead + ”good girl/boy” from him and i would be OUT like a light. collapsed. fainted. he would be so good at coaxing you into taking it ……… ANDDDDD the part abt you never disgusting him. SO true. you could never ever disgust him he just wants you to be okay…….. forcing you out into the sunlight………… asking if you need anything……………. making sure you aren’t bored…………………. ohhhhh he’s 2 perfect we need to put him down.

sugurus just kissing u everywhere on ur face and clutching u tight 2 him because u got super clingy after he had 2 run out 4 last minute groceries.

AND THEN . YOU TOP IT OFF WITH THIS. ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️ THIS MADE ME MELT….. i’m so…………. i have so many thoughts abt this. sugu would LOVE a clingy s/o but i keep specifically thinking of him w an s/o who’s shy w physical affection.,,,, and how he’d react when they get sick and suddenly get all cuddly . 🥺 he would love it so much. kisses you all over and holds you soooo tight and he’s just!!!!! so enamored!!!!!!!!! you’re like a lil koala. he loves you. sob.

WAHHHHH THANK YOU FOR THE ABSOLUTE MEAL MY BELOVED i’m not exaggerating btw this is gonna feed my sugu thoughts for weeks to come…… AND MY DAY WAS GOOD!!!! i’m sorry to hear your day was ouchie </3 i hope it’s all better now!!! pls make sure to rest and eat properly <33 it’s what sugu would want for you!!!!!

AND . THE BOOK. YES. it’s called giovanni’s room by james baldwin and it’s sooooo <33333 yeah. it’s so good. i LOVE baldwin’s prose so much??????? and the story is just . AUGH. i’m still not finished but i’m so obsessed. it’s basically abt a closeted guy in like … the 1800s-1900s? who goes on vacation in paris while his girlfriend is in spain. and he meets this rlly mysterious charming italan barman called giovanni……….. the book is abt their relationship + their own experiences w homosexuality + their tragic ending (it’s revealed at the very beginning of the book that giovanni will meet his end by the guillotine)…..

so it’s just . yeah. it’s such a gorgeous book :’3 and just so . idk. raw? visceral?? i love giovanni a lot. and more than anything i loves james baldwin <333 i’m planning to buy another of his books too!!!! it’s called tell me how long the train’s been gone :3 I RLLY RECOMMEND BOTH OF THEM!!! i hope the book you just got ends up being good too <33

[symphonic-scream]

The Phantom Queers Notes

Thanks to the ever patient Cap for putting up with me gushing about them nonstop! Love you cap

Anyways. Ahem.

Firstly; the Noir's mural. I said it was based off of official art from Mementos Mission? Yeah so I wanted to add that image to this post so anyone who hasn't seen it can see it and know what I meant

So it's like this. But with more vines.

And now onto the notes

Haru's dad slowly adapting to his daughter being with someone like Makoto and just,

Okumura: invite your wife to our next brunch. I'm ready to have a meal with the person who makes you glow

Haru: are you ready for that? Neither of us want to push you

Okumura: I'm ready. I love you, and you love her so much. It's about time I let you show me such

This is after like. Eight years of him knowing Makoto. There were some very awkward talks in the beginning but mans did his research! He knows how to be respectful!

He even frames a photo of their little family and keeps it on his desk, with little trans and lesbian flag stickers in the corners. He updates it every year as his grandsons grow older

(THATS RIGHT I HAVE MORE ABOUT THE SONS YOULL GET TO LEARN ABOUT THEM)

Teenage Makoto and Haru going to see a spy movie as their first date as girlfriends, Makoto nervous because sure Haru knows she's trans already, but what if-

They end up making out halfway through in the back of the theatre.

Haru: this was lovely! We should go on some more dates, yes?

Makoto: y-yeah! That would be very nice,

And Haru gives her a goodbye kiss, a full one right out in the middle of the street, waving her fingers with a little wink as she gets on her train, Makoto just standing there watching her new girlfriend walk away with her heart beating out of her chest

Their first place together is a dorm at university. They push the beds together to make a double, though they sleep so closely they'd only need a single. Little flags on the bag of the door, little polaroids from dates and hangouts with their new friends on a wall, the way Makoto's study space is sparse, with clicky pens and things to safely chew on, and Haru's having plants and life and so many colours-

Makoto finding out Haru's actually pregnant and just. She's so relieved. She didn't ruin it all for her love,

But Haru would've been so happy either way, even if their kid didn't have Makoto's eyes or, like their second and third, her rebellion and cute little nose-

Okay gonna lay out the sons real quick! They have three sons; Seiji is their first born, has Makoto's sharp red eyes, Haru's curls, and a general softer shape to him. When he's like middle school age he goes a bit emo, remains into dark colours and music. And he loves to cook! Loves food

Then there's the twins, Kazuto and Hiroto. Dark curls, Haru's softer eyes, but they have that Niijima spark, they look more like Makoto did as a kid. Identical twins too! Pure evil. Menaces. Cunning and with sharp grins, their moms are lucky they aren't into arson

Sae, just barely out of university, now the legal guardian of her little brother and just. Sitting there as this little middle schooler comes out to her, and-

Well. She has to do everything she can for her sister.

Makoto: here, let's look at my childhood photos

Hifumi: you, do that? Look at photos from before you transitioned?

Makoto: it's different for everyone. I'm fine with it, I know Yusuke has a select few saved, Futaba doesn't like it for other reasons-

Makoto: I did change my name though. We have nothing that remains with my dead name on it. That is where I draw my boundaries. I cannot handle hearing it on my worst days

Hifumi: I see

Makoto: it wasn't me. And while I'm not as feminine as you or Haru, I'm still a woman

Hifumi: I'm starting to make sense of this all, thank you so much

Makoto: that's what family is for, sis

-new note-

Haru: if you want to discuss, hm, reassignment procedures, with someone, I know Yusuke is rather open about his. He'll even give you his professional's number

Hifumi: why are you saying it that way?

Haru: Makoto has, a thing with. *Hospitals*. So, I tend to reword those things

-new note-

Makoto: I'll wake up early and make Haru breakfast in bed for our first mother's day, I'll have the little one strapped to my chest nothing can go wrong!

Hifumi: what happened to you

Makoto, sitting on the kitchen floor covered in flour and butter, her infant son playing with Johanna on the couch: I tried to cook with a baby. Help me please

Hifumi entertains the baby while Makoto makes a plate of scones, an omelette, and a little fruit salad for her wife

"I just get so distracted when he's with me. I lost all focus"

"yeah but the flour?"

"I was measuring it. Saw Seiji clap. So, I clapped."

"Ah."

Haru wakes up to her son giggling on Makoto's side of the bed, her wife tracing soft kisses up from her hand

"happy mother's day, baby"

"Happy mother's day, Love"

They both have the day off, and just spend a nice day with their lil guy

Haru: if this is mother's day, I wonder what you'll do for my birthday?

Makoto: ah, well Seiji won't be helping me with those plans. That'll be a very special night out, just us two. After a morning with his plans of course

Haru: I'm so lucky I have you,

Makoto: sjdbskdhxidbdj baby,,

-new note-

Makoto: happy birthday baby

Haru: you, bought that small building between us and the shop next door?

Makoto: let's go inside and you'll see your gift. Full home gym, with a little sauna and hot tub room in the back

Haru: ...not gonna lie Love this looks more like a gift for you

Makoto: did you notice the lounge chairs? This is a private show for you~ I know you hate coming to the gym to watch me, so-

Haru: I LOVE IT

Makoto: you can have a private showing whenever you'd like, baby. All for you

Haru: can we, have a go right now?

Makoto: of course. Are you okay with me working on arms and upper body?

Haru: YES

haru just in her lil lounge chair aggresively sipping water

cause shes thirsty

(green was Cap akfhdj)

Staring at the back muscles

Makoto has to wear a long sleeve shirt to her run with Ryuji the next morning. Normally she runs in the like, sports bra thing. But her arms, back, and abs are. Covered. From Haru enjoying her gift

Haru: I'm gonna kiss every muscle on you

Makoto: oh wow

Ryuji: whyre you wearing a shirt? You hate the sweat cling

Makoto: Haru's birthday yesterday

Ryuji: ...fuck I forgot to get her anything she's gonna kill me- wait. GROSS DUDE DONT TELL ME ABOUT-

Makoto: I DIDNT MAN STOP YELLING

Makoto and Haru at like a parents night for the preschool Seiji goes to just trying to ignore the straight gossip going around all around them

One couple: hehe we're trying to give her a sibling, trying for a baby is soooo much work

Makoto: ...they're just openly admitting they fu-

Haru: shh, Love. I know. Don't get too stressed though, you have to be in good health for our appointment tomorrow.

Makoto: think we should tell people we're also trying? But heavily imply we're just fu-

Haru: yes. Absolutely. Put your hand in my back pocket, I'll leave a little mark on your neck-

Makoto excitedly explains this at the appointment they go to the next morning, she's had to take those. Relax pills before so she's a lil loopy, and Haru just smiles so tenderly as they run the tests on her wife. She loves their little family,, so glad the medical field has a way for them to have kids (I'm making shit up idk man. Au magic this world made it possible I don't wanna think about it too hard)

Makoto: ...do you also find it weird we only have sons

Haru: shh don't think Love. Happy moment, no gender thoughts. Hold one of the twins, be mesmerized by the baby

Haru adores her wife and their sons so much. Even if their oldest turns emo and the twins are feral demons

Akira: when I first met you two you were getting the drunkest out of the group at every night out, dancing all over each other- I'm pretty sure you two were making out more than you weren't

Makoto: I remember our uni days, ha

Haru: mm, good times

Ann: you guys were. All over each other then

Haru: it was our first time getting to be open about us! It was exciting.

Makoto: we're just as all over each other now, we just know how to close doors

Ryuji: and DONT ACT LIKE YOU AND SHIHO DONT JUST MAKE OUT ON THE COUCH

Ann, three drinks in: you think that's all we do on that couch?

Yusuke: ...I think we need to sober her up before my roommates kill each other

Akechi, already grabbing the hose: on it

Ann and Ryuji, very wet the next minute:

Akechi: problem solved. Hey, lesbians. If you get too handsy you're getting sprayed next

Haru holds her hands up in the "don't shoot" position

Hifumi just sits to the side and drinks with Futaba, watching them all

Futaba: you want to stay on our couch tonight? Going home with Mrs and Mrs "Horny Drunk" won't lead to good things for your mental health

Hifumi: ...please tell me you're not speaking from experience

Futaba: me? No. Goro? Oh yes. Watching him be unable to look at either of them for four months was hilarious

Hifumi makes it back home around noon and notices only Makoto is in the house space

Hifumi: hey, where's Haru?

Makoto: hm? Oh, she's working downstairs. Want some tea? I can make you a plate of eggs?

Hifumi: Haru out drank everyone, how is she functioning?

Makoto: she's somehow immune to the hangover. Nah, I'm kidding. She drank water between every drink. Then it was the Gatorade and coffee mix, with a plate of my "Hangover Eggs". Neither of us have ever had a rough morning. Not since the first month of uni

Hifumi: ...I'll take a plate of the eggs, please

The day Haru finds out she's pregnant is. One of the best days in their household

She and Makoto had been having monthly appointments with their doctor over the last year, and. She'd felt off since the week after the last one but- she thought takin the test was wishful thinking

But the eight tests all read positive and- man she's gotta think of a way to tell Makoto

Before she gets a chance some dude tries to rob Noir's, barely nicks her with his knife but she goes to the hospital as a precaution cause tetanus

Makoto gets a call from one of the workers telling her her wife is at the hospital, they were robbed, and she gets there and is so relieved to see Haru looking alright, just some bandages around her arm, and Haru just Smiles

Eventually a doctor comes in to give Haru the all clear, but he pauses before they leave like: oh, and we did check. You're coming along just fine

Makoto: what does that mean?

Doctor: the pregnancy. Ms Okumura is early on, but all is going well

Makoto: ...it worked? Youre-

Haru: surprise?

Makoto is excitedly telling everyone for the next few months. Sure Haru was the one who wanted children more of the two, but that doesn't mean Makoto didn't want this. Her wife is pregnant! They're having a kid! And by some miracle, it's their kid

Ann: wait. How

Yusuke: but. You're on estrogen? There should be no way-

Ryuji: GROSS YOU GUYS DID IT?!

Shiho: ...Ryuji, stay on point here

Haru: science

Makoto: lesbian magic

Goro: I'm not watching your little spawn

Akira: dibs on godfather!

Futaba: in surprised you kept it a secret this long. Both of you suck at secrets

Makoto: no we don't

Haru: ...love you accidentally told me you were going to propose three days before you did it

They're much more open when they decide to go for a second kid, mostly because they're more convinced it'll work this time

Ryuji: gross

Ann: we already went over this. Science baby. Not like with straight people

Ryuji: but still

Makoto: you've known us for like ten years. How are you still like this

Ryuji: IDK YOU GUYS ARE LIKE THE PSEUDO MOMS I DONT WANNA THINK ABOUT YALL FUCKING

Makoto: so stop thinking about it?

Ryuji: ...oh.

Ann: DUDE SERIOUSLY

Then there's a bit about Ann and Shiho, how they decide to have a donor baby, and. End up with Triplets. Two daughters; Asami, Nikko. And then a son, Tsukito

Makoto: Seiji, turn off the TV, go play with the trio

Seiji: but mom, they're playing field hospital again. They're gonna make me the patient

Makoto: buddy, sometimes we have to make sacrifices. You and I will have a day to ourselves if you do it, okay?

Seiji: can we go to the farmers market?

Makoto: uh sure

Seiji has the red eyes but the twins are pure evil

Makoto: Kazu, Hiro, how did you get up there

The twins, literally on the roof: climbed

The twins have the like innocent Haru smile. Devious

There's cunning behind those eyes. They have the Niijima mind

Kazu: mom I don't feel good

Makoto: oh no, what happened- ...why is there a pencil in your arm

Hiro: hi mom

Makoto: ...both of you. What happened. Why are there pencils in your arms

Kazu and Hiro: we wanted to see if we could stab each other hard enough

Makoto: get in the car we're going to the hospital

Kazu: we're going on a hunger strike

Hiro: we want the bigger room. There's two of us

Seiji: I'm older. Nice try.

Kazu: we will make you give in

Hiro: I'm studying up on CIA torture tactics

Kazu: we both take martial arts. You will give us the room

Seiji: oh yeah? You think I won't survive? Try me

Makoto: baby the boys are waging war

Haru: eh, they're tire each other out. Feel up for a workout?

Makoto: HARU WE HAVE A PROBLEM

Haru, who was working the shop downstairs: Love? What's wrong

Makoto: I lost the babies

Haru: ...what

Makoto: I didn't think they'd figure out how to open the door i- baby the babies fucking got out-

Seiji: they're under the couch they just opened it and went under the couch

Makoto: what did we do to deserve this

Haru: I mean, we did fuck at a party and break the urn with someone's grandmother's ash's in uni

Makoto: oh yeah. And then we blamed Goro

Uni Makoto and Haru are just. A different breed. Them in high school was sweet, them after is domestic with a hint of spice, but. The in between.

They all go to the grand opening of Noir and. Just stare at how normal the two are

Ann: no visible hickies... It's a miracle

Akira: I can't believe it. They've been tamed

Haru: hi darling, think you'll lie on your stomach for me?

Makoto: ngh, wait, its-

Haru: don't think about it. We'll get your shot over with quick, and then we can have the day in bed. I promise. We took today off for a reason

Makoto: nooo I don't want it,

Haru: you're just saying that, you love you. You won't be the you you worked so hard for if you weren't brave enough for a little shot

Makoto: ...will it be quick?

Haru: I'll even numb the area with ice

Makoto: and we can kiss all day?

Haru: whatever you want

Makoto: fine. Give me the e,

Haru: you call me baby and yet,

Makoto: OW

Haru: that's the ice, Love

Haru: there, all done.

Makoto: did you use the

Haru: yes, I used the Buchimaru band aid

Makoto: I love you so much

Haru: I love you too

Makoto: kiss time?

Haru: I suppose~

Makoto later on: hey, thanks for not listening. I'm already feeling better

Haru: I know darling, it's hard to stab you sometimes but I know it's what makes my girl happiest

Makoto: mm,

Sae: since you two are going to be rooming together when you go off to uni, it's time I passed on the torch

Haru: oh?

Sae: Makoto is a coward about her hormone shots. No matter how much she says she doesn't want it, she does. Unless she has a serious conversation about detransitioning on a non shot day, don't listen. Give her a lollipop or something, anything else to focus on. She does best lying down. She can't kick you if you sit on her calves-

Haru: i- have you been doing this all this time?

Sae: yes. And now we will have the awkward experience of me helping you give her the shot. It'll be weird. But it'll be your responsibility as her partner

Haru: I'm ready, Chief

Makoto: hey, sis- Haru? Wait, no

Sae: yes. Pants off. Lie down.

Makoto: NO WAIT I CHANGED MY MIND I WANNA BE A GUY

Haru: will you lie down for me my Love?

Makoto: ...uh yeah

Sae: pants.

Makoto: bite me.

Sae: Makoto, you know this is what's best for you

Makoto: lies

Haru: I'll hold your hand if that helps? And give you a kiss after for being so brave?

Makoto: you're much more convincing than sis

Sae: alright Haru, that's it. You did it, congrats

Makoto: I'm dead. You killed me

Haru: you're rather attractive for a corpse

Sae: I'm leaving now. I'll bring home dinner. Don't do anything stupid

Hifumi: oh I do my own shots

Haru: my wife is just a big baby about them, and I mean that affectionately

Makoto: yeah I. Don't do well with anything of that sort

Haru: our fertility appointments are. Very planned. She takes one of those relaxation pills before we go

Makoto: it's tough but it's worth it for the chance to give Haru anything she desires

Makoto is the most doting wife while Haru is pregnant. Foot rubs, vitamins, skin creams and talking to their son every day

"today your mama gave your mom her shot. That's right, your mama shot me"

"Makoto-"

"just kidding kid. She helped me feel more like myself, and I love her so much. You've got the best mama ever"

"They have the best mom too"

Haru: ...Makoto?

Makoto: it's 2 am,, what is it baby?

Haru: I want. Cold soba noodles

Makoto: easy enough,

Haru: covered in chocolate

Makoto: ...

Slow dancing in the kitchen, Makoto behind Haru, hands entwined over Haru's dark apron, heads leaned together

Makoto: a night to ourselves,

Haru: Hifumi moved out a year ago, and the kids are staying at the Quad,, so it's just us

Makoto: shall we treat ourselves? I can make you steak? Break out the good wine? We can have a nice bath, turn in early for some, us time

Haru: can you make baked potato with the steak?

Makoto: anything for you

Haru: carry me to bed later?

Makoto: of course

Buff Makoto and her pudgy baker wife, And their emo chef son and two demon spawns

Thinking back to scared little high school Makoto, more scrawny than anything, and petite Haru seated beside her, their pinkies barely entwined, both blushing and looking away

To Uni them, with Makoto playing rugby recreationally and Haru being very much a fan of that, them making out and boinking literally anywhere possible, somehow like top of their classes while still going all out for the fun side of things

Makoto being very awkward with Haru's dad.

Kunikazu: so. You are. Transgender?

Makoto: yep.

Kunikazu: you want to be, a boy?

Makoto: w-wrong direction, sir

Haru: you can't do anything, father. I love her.

Kunikazu: I see

Makoto: ...can I go home? And hire a bodyguard?

Kunikazu: I suppose you two can live together. Just. I do not want a surprise grandchild

Haru: that's not even possible

Makoto: yeah I'm leaving

Haru: father and I will be having monthly brunch

Makoto: oh, joy,

Haru: just us. You're not invited

Makoto: ...did he-

Haru: I uninvited you

Makoto: I love you so much

Haru: no marks, I'm seeing my dad tomorrow! Makoto-

Makoto: but baby,

Haru: ...no visible marks at least

Makoto: ...fuck I forgot the rule

Haru: it's, well. I didn't try to stop you,

Makoto: your dad is gonna murder me

Haru: he won't, he likes you, he's just. Still in his learning phase

Makoto: yeah but you're gonna walk in tomorrow looking like a dalmatian

Haru inventing the Gatorade coffee in university after a night of. Heavy drinking with her girlfriend. Waking up and feeling like death itself and just. Trying to make coffee but she's barely looking and brews it with. Gatorade instead of water

Haru: I know you spoke to Yusuke, but Makoto gave me permission to tell you about her surgery experience

Hifumi: oh?

Haru: she had top, which I'm sure you've noticed by now. She likes to ditch the shirt more than usual

Hifumi: yes

Haru: but she had such a horrible time recovering she cancelled for bottom and just. Never got it

Hifumi: oh. And she's okay with that?

Haru: it works for her. Makoto's never been, violently dysphoric about her body. Not since I met her. Her voice was one thing, but now she's at her best

Hifumi: thank you for sharing, and tell her thanks too

Haru: of course! And let me know if you need someone for care afterwards or to drive you to and from

Haru dealing with miserable Makoto post op from top and just

Haru: my poor girl,

Makoto: I'm dying,,

Makoto: but at least I'll die with boobs,

Haru: okay let's give you some more pain meds, HEY DONT TOUCH, MAKOTO-

Makoto: ow,,,

Makoto: I just wanted to feel,

Haru: I know you and your hands, but give it some recovery time, please

Sae walking into Makoto's room during their first sleepover in high school and just. Seeing the two all curled up, the content looks on their faces, She sees Makoto stir and the minor look of horror on her face at getting caught by her sister but, Sae just smiles, whispers a loud goodnight, and turns back

Haru nuzzles closer, and Makoto just. Smiles.

Them watching Seiji in a school play and just trying not to fight the group of mom's at the back of the room who are chatting

Makoto: the disrespect-

Haru: Love his line is coming up, make sure the camera is on!

Makoto: wait, shit, where did the twins go?

Haru: ...we can worry about bailing them out later

Surprisingly that's it?? But one last joke Cap made that I felt I needed to share

"of course Makoto's trans her Persona is a Transformer"

[erisolkat]

um. unsolicited makeup advice under the cut btw.

- blush placement is fucking vital you want it to be higher up around your eyes and your temple area and to blend it closer to your nose from there. put a bit on the nose as well it looks cute. and blend it out as much as possible or it looks bad.

- if you want a natural look go for all neutral colors like brown and black and beige and muted red. if you want a fun look pick up some cheap concealer a couple shades too light and use that for eyeshadow primer. i promise it makes it so much easier to do eyeshadow just put a swipe on your upper lid and blend it out then use fun colors

- dont underestimate the power of dollar store makeup some of my best makeup is dollar store makeup. expensive does not equal good often its shit quality and youre only paying for the brand name!

- try out makeup tutorials from diff parts of the world! some of my favorite makeup tips came from like douyin and shit

- for a more edgy look use black eyeliner around the eye (go light on the upper lid go heavy on the lower) then use a liquid black eyeliner to draw exaggerated lashes under it. for a softer more natural look use brown eyeshadow for liner around the eye (go light on both except at the outer corner go really heavy there) then use the eyeshadow to draw little lashes under it.

- look at your irises. figure out the shade then find a color wheel and look for the opposite. get that shade in shadow and apply a bit in the corners of your eyes to make them pop

- put highlighter in the corners of your eyes and blend it up into your shadow it makes it look nice

- you really dont want your contour to be too dark it will make you look like you have a beard. literally just get a nude palette from the dollar store and use a shade a couple shades darker than your skin. if you have dark skin get a darker shade of concealer

- if you have dark skin purples and oranges (depending on whether you have cool or warm undertones, just kinda fuck around w both see what looks good) are your friend. if a light skin person says a makeup color is weird and fucked up and looks bad its probably made for you not them.

- look for makeup influencers with a similar shade of skin to you when buying products they know whats chalky and ashy and what looks good. but be generally wary of light pink blushes they usually either dont show up or are pure glitter and not that useful as blush or look chalky as shit

- if you have hooded eyes and eyeliner is fucking you up dont close your eyes when you do it. or do a puppy eye rather than a cat eye (rounded liner that comes to a little point at the corner) puppy eyes look good even if your eyes arent hooded actually mess around see what you like

- find makeup looks you like online and fuck around try to recreate them youll often reverse engineer good techniques from doing this

- sometimes teenagers from 2010 in their bedrooms using one of those old elf 100 color palettes have good advice actually. but sometimes its horrible and you absolutely should not listen to it

- if you put eyeliner in your waterline (pull down your lower lid and out it in the wet edge of the lid, pull up the upper lid and do the same) make sure to wash it out thoroughly or else itll build up and fuck your eyes up trust me

- you can do whatever you want forever

reblog w your own tips if you want

[witchersmistress]

Battered and Broken

Hello my darlings, Happy Friday!!! Monster August and Walter are still in time out for being stubborn and no copperating.. bad bad boys

Trigger Warnings: the biggest one is going to be irritation with me, youll forgive me shorty i promise, blood, violence and masturbation

Word count: 7.6 K

its a long one so buckleup and hang on tight

August’s pov

The world comes back slow, like water gathering momentum. I hear voices and soft squeaks and a steady, monotonous beeping. It’s sickeningly familiar. It crashes in fast, like a wave that’s been building. I sit up, my heartbeat sending a machine into a frenzy. I start yanking at the tubes and wires in my face, my arm, my chest. So many fucking ties binding me to life. The squeaks come faster, and a hoard of nurses rushes in, shoving me back when I fight, pinning me to the bed, banging on the button to give me more meds, to sedate me. I don’t want to go under. There’s something important— And then it’s gone. When I wake again, I’m groggy, but I open my eyes this time. My brother is sitting beside me, scrolling on his phone, that damn sucker tucked into his cheek. “Where is she?” I ask. His head jerks up, his gaze flying to mine and then to the door, where our father is standing, his phone held to his ear. Baron takes his sucker out and puts a finger to his lips, turning his back to him so only I can see. “Who?” he asks aloud. Our father makes a ‘hold on’ gesture to us and then steps into the hall. “What the fuck am I doing here?” I demand. “You tell me,” Baron says. “We dropped you off at home and went out, and the next day when we woke up, we saw all these texts from Father saying you were in the ER with a concussion and a fractured skull. Again.” A little more comes back. Calling Dynamo. Meeting Colin alone at the Slaughter Pen. Throwing just enough punches to make him think I was trying. How right his fists felt connecting to my face, almost orgasmic. “When?” I ask, pushing up. I have to get her. The thought is quick and clear, a blow to the solar plexus. “A couple days ago,” Baron says, shoving the sucker back in his mouth. “Fuck,” I say, yanking the tape off my hand and jerking the IV free. Blood spurts from my vein, and my brain doubles back. Blood on Duke’s mouth. Blood on Baron’s dick. Blood on her thighs. “What are you doing?” Baron demands. “Chill the fuck out. You’re drugged out of your mind right now. Just go back to sleep.”

 “Where’s Harper?”

He glances at the door and lowers his voice. “Where we left her. She’s probably dead by now.” I shake my head. No. She can’t be dead. “I have to get her.” “You wanted her dead,” Baron reminds me. “You were going to kill her. I’m the one who told you not to. Remember?” I don’t want to remember that because then I have to remember what she did, the truth Baron showed me on her phone—hundreds of messages laid out over months, revealing the most personal, most shameful details of my life to a stranger on the internet. No, not a stranger. An enemy. She is an enemy. I don’t know why my body keeps fighting even when I remember that. But I have to get out, have to find her, have to know the truth, the reason. I yank the tube in my nose, but it hits the back of my sinuses and makes my head swim. Baron slams his chest down on mine, smacking a call button. “What the fuck,” he growls. “You’re intubated. You can’t pull that out. You’ll rupture your fucking esophagus or something.” I’m still fighting when the fucking army shows up, the nurses in pale blue scrubs that feature in too many of my nightmares already. I fucking hate hospitals. The drugs that cloud your mind, the helplessness, the way they keep you alive when you don’t want any fucking part of it. It’s all way too familiar by now. The way they think they’re saving you, but they’re destroying you. The way they keep you from saving her after you destroyed her.

Harper's POV

The first few days are hard. I don’t get out of bed except to use the bathroom, which is excruciating. There’s no point in objecting. What I want doesn’t matter. It never did. August kept telling me, but I didn’t understand. Now I do.. He never takes off the mask. He takes pictures of my face and body each day. I don’t protest. What’s the point? I sleep when he’s not asking anything of me. I appreciate, in some detached way, how little he wants, how little he bothers me, he asks for nothing, not even a response. I think if he demanded intimacy of any kind, I’d shatter completely. But he doesn’t. He barely touches me. He wakes me and dresses me and brings me to the table each day. He cooks fancy meals for me, but I don’t taste them. I eat, and when I’m done, he carries me to bed, where I curl up under the blankets. The lulling voices on Local News with Jackie fill my head as they drone on about the cost of gasoline and someone overdosing on a new street drug. I don’t hear anything about a missing girl. I fall asleep praying I won’t wake up this time. It’s around the seventh evening, as I’m slumped at the island eating some fancy herbed potatoes with glazed Brussel sprouts and salmon, when my savior and captor lays down his fork. “I have to go out for a while tomorrow,” he says. I don’t answer. I don’t care where he goes. I sleep most of the day. Sometimes the apartment is quiet, and sometimes I hear him exercising or clicking away at his keyboard in the big, open loft where he has a standing desk against one wall. I haven’t wondered where he goes or what he’s doing when he’s gone. It doesn’t matter. “Do you need to go home and get your clothes or anything?” he asks. I shrug. “I’ll buy you some clothes,” he says decisively. I don’t answer. 

“Where do you live, anyway?”

 “Mill Street.”

 My voice sounds creaky and unused. I clear my throat

 “Right.” He sips his wine and watches me for a minute.

 “I’m glad I wore a condom.” 

I don’t say anything. What is there to say? 

“Do you live alone?”

 “Yes”

He leans his elbows on the island, closing his eyes. “Thank fuck.” He always sits me on his good side, but I know why he hides under the mask. He’s a monster under the mask, disfigured and ugly. I push a bite of salmon into my mouth. It’s flaky and salty, but I don’t taste anything. The corners of my mouth have healed, and the angry red tracks across my cheeks from the ropes are gone when I look in the mirror. My body takes in food and water and heals itself. But whatever’s broken beneath the surface doesn’t change. At least you can tell, looking at him, that he’s suffered. “So will, ” he says after chewing and swallowing slowly. “Will anyone be looking for you?” I shake my head no, the only man i cared about left me for dead “Have you talked to anyone?

 “With what?” “Fuck,” he says, raising his hand like he might run it over his face. When he touches the mask, he drops his hand to his lap. “I’ll get you a phone tomorrow.” I shrug. I decide I’ll call him the Phantom, like the masked man from the opera.

 “Why hasn’t anyone called the cops?” “probably because of my job, i'm always gone for weeks at a time” 

“Oh.” He sits back on the barstool, working his tongue around inside his mouth. “That's slightly terrifying” I don’t argue.

 “I’m going up to water my plants before it gets dark,” he says, rising from the island to take his plate to the sink. “Why don’t you come? Get some air. It’ll be good for you.” He takes my plate and wine glass without asking if I’m done. I sit at the island while he cleans up. Each morning, he dresses like he’s going to an office, but every time I wake, I can hear him moving around his apartment, living. His closet is full of different shades of grey slacks and pressed dress shirts in every color. He rolls his sleeves up tan forearms before rinsing the plates and setting them neatly in the stainless-steel dishwasher. Everything here is immaculately clean and organized. I can’t imagine him getting his hands dirty. He opens a door and pulls a small tool bag from a shelf, then gestures for me to follow. I think about staying, but there’s no reason to disobey. He pulls down a drop ladder, and we climb up into a tiny attic space with exposed insulation and a door.  Opening it, he steps through into the blue evening. The door opens onto a flat roof that’s full of potted plants in different sized containers. Leaving me in the doorway, the Phantom unwinds a hose from a spool, turns on a faucet knob against the wall near the door, and starts spraying water over a rectangular box filled with curly purple and pink flowers. Their perfume lures me out onto the roof. I haven’t breathed outdoor air in a week. It’s moist and heavy, clinging to my bare arms like algae. I can hear traffic in the distance, but from the roof, I see only the same field that I can see from the huge windows in the loft below. The grass is tall and brown from winter, but green pokes up in small patches on the ground. I walk to the edge of the roof. I wonder if he’d stop me if I stepped over. There isn’t even a railing. It would be so easy. It would all be over.

I look back at the man who pulled me from the swamp, who went to such lengths to find me and bring me back. He crouches to poke in a big, round pot. His back is to me as he pulls on a pair of gloves from his bag. I could do it. It would be quick. “I got you an appointment at the women’s clinic on Wednesday,” he says. “To be tested for STDs. You can take my truck and bring it back when you’re done.” I step closer to the edge, until my toes are even with the end of the flat roof. I look down at the parking lot below. Try to remember why being up here is better than down there. I lift one foot, watching it hang suspended in the air, like a diver. He looks up when I don’t answer. His gaze moves to the edge of the roof and back to my face. Our eyes meet, and I know he can tell what I’m about to do. I wait for him to say something, to be angry or afraid. To demand to know what I’m doing, if I want to die. “I’ll bring a chair for you next time,” he says, unfolding slowly, cautiously, from his crouched position next to some sprouting plants. I watch him move, how comfortable he is in his body, how confident. He’s quick but unhurried; tall and slender, painfully elegant. He’s built like a dancer, all slim lines and measured grace. He’s at my side before I know what’s happening. His strong hands are gentle on my upper arms as they pull me back. “Good girl,” he says softly, drawing my shoulder blades flush with his chest. I know he’s thanking me for not jumping, for letting him pull me away, but in truth, I don’t have any more desire to die than I have to live. It’s not worth the effort. “You can come up here with me every day,” he says when I don’t answer. “You could use some sun.” We stare out at the overgrown lot next to his building without speaking. His breath is even, his hands barely holding on. But I can feel his heart thudding rapidly against my back with each heavy beat. I scared him. The thought registers in some distant way. He wants me to live. What I want seems equally irrelevant to both of us. There’s no point in telling him, so I don’t, and he doesn’t ask

August pov

“Where have you been?” I spin toward the voice, my hands fisting, adrenaline pumping. I don’t like being taken by surprise. “Out,” I growl. “What the fuck are you doing sitting in the dark?” Baron switches on the lamp beside the couch. Duke is sprawled across the loveseat, his eyes glassy, a tumbler of whiskey in one hand. “You’re going to get us caught,” Baron says. He picks up a sucker and begins to unwrap it slowly, his elbows resting on his knees and his eyes fixed on me. “This is a small town. It’s not New York. It’s harder to hide a murder when there are only a couple a year.” “We didn’t murder anyone,” I snap, hating that he’s the reason for that. He reminded me that death is too kind. That we don’t kill Darlings. “That’s right,” Duke says. “And I’m not afraid of the cops. They’re not NYPD. They’re hicks. What can they do to us?” “If we don’t get sloppy, nothing,” I say. “No one but the three of us know what happened.” The twins glance at each other, that fucking twin telepathy thing that pisses me the fuck off. “Right?” I grind out. “Right,” Duke says. “We didn’t say anything to anyone at work. We’re not stupid.” No, not stupid. They’ve just never done this shit before. Sometimes I forget how little blood is on their hands. And that’s by design. 

Protect our brothers. King would despise me if he knew what we’d done, what I’d let them become. I should have killed her like I wanted, kept them from her, kept myself from having to admit this truth about them—that I knew what they’d do to Harper when I finally let them have her after six months of denying them. It was both their reward for respecting my previous claim and her punishment for betrayal. But I can’t remember when they became the kind of people whose attention is a punishment. The twins look up to King, though, and I’m supposed to fill his shoes. I think of what he’d say, not because I want to be like him, but because it will comfort them. Duke needs that, at least. I’m not sure Baron has whatever it is that makes a person seek comfort. “We didn’t do anything the Darlings wouldn’t have done to us,” I point out. “We eliminated a threat to the family. That’s all. A man has a right to protect his family.” That’s not what she was, and we all know it, just like we all know Crystal’s blood is on my hands. Harper was no threat to my family. She was a threat to me. I finally, truly understand what they went through with Mabel. When it happened, I saw it from the outside, and I felt for my brothers, but I didn’t get it. I thought they were fuckwits for thinking of her as human at all. I didn’t think I was capable of caring about a Darling. But now I know what the Darling girls do to a person when they set their sights on you, when they decide to play. I know how they lie and twist everything until you start to believe that against every odd, even though you know it’s impossible, someone could give a fuck.

“Who was she talking to, though?” Duke asks. “Because he might figure it out.” “I don’t think we need to worry about him,” Baron says, sliding the sucker into his mouth. “She hadn’t talked to him in weeks. She cut him off. He won’t think anything unless it makes the news.” “So, it’s our job to make sure it doesn’t,” I remind them. Our eyes meet. He gets it. He may not have blood on his hands, but he’s got the stomach for it. “Exactly,” he says. He picks up the bottle of whiskey and pours a finger into a glass, then looks me over, his gaze taking in my wet jeans and shoes. “So, again, where were you? Because we’re being careful. But parking beside the road and walking across a huge-ass rice field into the swamp is going to get us caught a hell of a lot faster than anything we might say in the locker room.” “I was looking for her phone.” “Fuck,” Baron says, leaning back and closing his eyes. “She dropped it when she was fighting us.” I nod. Even a dead phone is easily traceable. It doesn’t matter if it is at the bottom of the swamp and will never work again. They can still track it. If the Darlings go looking for her, they’ll get the law involved. They don’t play by our rules, taking care of their own problems. They have no honor. Only a person without honor could do what she did, exploiting someone’s helplessness for their own gain. For a fucking scholarship of all things. Such a pathetic, pedestrian thing. All along, she was nothing but a gold digger. We thought she didn’t know she was Darling, but she must have known. Even if she didn’t, and she really didn’t know who she was talking to, he must have known. And if he gets the cops involved, and they suspect murder, they’ll get the FBI involved. And the FBI will find her phone.

 So we have to make sure no one else looks for her. “You didn’t find her phone?” Duke asks. “No,” I say, scowling at his drunk ass. “I didn’t find it.” “We should tell Father,” Baron says. “He’ll know what to do.” “No,” I say, holding up a hand. “If we need his help, we’ll tell him then.” “Okay,” Baron says, looking skeptical. “So, what now?” “Where’d you put her clothes?” “Shit,” Duke says. “They’re in my bag.” “That’s the kind of sloppy shit we can’t do,” I say. That, and letting her drop her phone in the swamp. If they find that, they’ll search the swamp, and they’ll find her. At least… I think they will. They’ll have a whole team, dogs and infrared gear and shit that I don’t have. I’ve been in that swamp exactly once before today, and it was night by the time we left, and I was… Not entirely present. I barely remember walking into the swamp. I was in survival mode, like those months after Crystal died that I barely remember, and the ones before that I don’t remember at all. I let the monster take care of me, take care of what needed to be done, of what I couldn’t. I was weak, and he was strong. Maybe if I put him in control, he can find her. I’ll have to go back again. But I have a good reason. I looked today, my first day home from the hospital, searching until after dark, but with only my phone’s flashlight and a vague memory of being there before, I couldn’t find where we’d left her. I couldn’t find her.

“What are you thinking?” Baron asks, sitting up straight and setting his whiskey on the coffee table. “Burn her clothes?” “Yes,” I say, stepping into the living room. “She was a Darling. We need to act like it.” I’ll burn everything that ever reminded me of her, all the random shit she left at my house, my notebooks where I wrote poems about her like some pathetic lovesick dog chasing after a bitch in heat. We should burn the whole fucking town to the ground with all the Darlings in it. “She’s one of the disowned Darlings’ kids,” Duke says. “They don’t care about her.” Duke isn’t good with the aftermath, the cleanup, the details. He’s there for the fun and games, but he forgets that after the games, it’s real. “One of them cared enough to find her,” I say. “Even if the grandfather cut them off, one of them reached out to her.” “Or he did,” Duke says. “Well, she’s an adult.” Baron says, trading his sucker for the whiskey. “And her dad doesn't give a shit anyway. Right?” “We need to act like everything’s normal,” I say. For a minute, we’re frozen in confusion. None of us have the slightest idea how to be normal. “No skipping work, though. Now that August’s back, we have to act like it was just about him.” Irritation flares in me, but he’s right. I can’t be the one to go off the deep end over this. Not when it means the twins will go down with me. I should have fucking left them out of it. What was I thinking? I could have done it myself, slit her throat and dropped her in the river. But I didn’t want her in the same river where Crystal drowned. That water is sacred. She deserved swamp water. “I’ll talk to her dad.” “What?” Duke asks, sitting up straight. “Are you fucking crazy?” “No,” Baron says, holding up a hand, his eyes on me. “He’s right. That’s what a normal person would do if his ex disappeared from work. Bring back her shit, ask her dad if she’s okay. Act like you think she went back to Faulkner High.” “And in the process, see what he knows,” I say. And see if Harper’s there. I don’t add that part aloud. I don’t want my brothers to worry. We left her tied to a tree somewhere in that snake-infested swamp. I barely made it out without being bitten by one of the vipers. She couldn’t have gotten away from the ropes, let alone gotten past the snakes and hiked twenty miles back to town without shoes or clothes. Could she? If there’s one person on earth who’s tough and resourceful enough to do that after what we did to her, it’s Harper. And she’ll be out for revenge. So, if she’s alive, why hasn’t she called the cops? And if she’s dead, why can’t I find her body?

[its-no-biggie]

okay idk who needs to hear this but ive seen it in so many fics and its a huge pet peeve of mine. if youre writing a character getting choked (as in, grabbed around the neck) and you want them to pass out and not require an urgent hospital visit, you should not be describing them having a hard time breathing or "cutting off airflow".

like, okay. in order to make someone pass out, you have to prevent oxygen from getting to their brain. and on its own this wont do any major damage as long as the brain starts getting oxygen again very soon (it cant go more than a couple minutes without or youll start getting permanent brain damage). [NOTE: im not a medical professional. its probably not very good for you to deprive your brain of oxygen at all. but like for fanfic purposes theyll be fine afterward as long as they start getting air again right away.] so you can do this by preventing oxygen from getting into their body at all (i.e blocking their airway), OR you can prevent blood from carrying oxygen to the brain by cutting off circulation. and when youre talking about grabbing the neck from the outside, that second one is absolutely the one you want.

now, it is possible to choke someone out in a way that restricts airflow- by applying pressure to the front of the neck and crushing the windpipe. and this is what i usually see described in fanfic, BUT damage to your windpipe is extremely bad news. needs-immediate-attention-or-you-could-die bad news. you can certainly write this one if thats what youre going for- its also extremely painful so i can certainly see it having uses. and if the goal is to KILL someone by choking them, then this is obviously a perfectly fine method. but if you want someone to pass out from restricted airflow WITHOUT needing an ambulance, a tight seal over the mouth and nose is a much much better way to go. its not that hard to accomplish- any kind of plastic bag will make a nice tight seal. im sure duct tape over the mouth and then plugging the nose would also do the trick. additionally, sticking..... *ahem* /something/ down their throat far enough to completely block their airway would do the same thing, as long as you have a way to get it back out so they can breathe again.

but theres a nice easy way to cut off circulation to the brain- theres a major vein and artery on the sides of the neck that take blood to and from the brain (the carotid vein/artey). so by squeezing the sides of the neck, you can make someone pass out while doing almost no damage at all- it doesnt take a lot of pressure, so it might not even hurt that much. but you know when you wrap something a little too tight around your finger, and it swells up and turns red and gets that kinda pressure feeling in it? the same thing happens in your head. you can even try it for yourself- squeeze the sides of your neck for a couple seconds and see what it feels like.

and since the bloodflow is cut off, air can be coming in and out of the lungs just fine but none of it will get to the brain. (this way can also kill someone btw. although i imagine it would be less painful.) you may have heard people talk about this technique in terms of being safe in the bedroom, but thats not because it "feels good". it makes you pass out, which can be erotic in certain contexts, but even if youre into it it probably wont be a fun time outside of a controlled environment. and this is also the way they do it in some martial arts- youve probably seen a chokehold at some point, where they have their whole arm wrapped around their opponents neck? theyre not pulling back to put pressure on the front, theyre squeezing with the elbow to put pressure on the sides.

"but if i cant describe them struggling to breathe or pain in their neck, what can i describe?" good news friend, i have had the displeasure of almost passing out on several occasions, and i can describe the kinds of things that happen! first youll start to feel lightheaded, and that will keep getting stronger and stronger. you feel kind of disoriented and like youre going to fall over. might get a bit nauseous. your hearing will gradually fade out until everything sounds kinda muffled and far away, which makes your own voice sound really loud in comparison. then your vision will start to go black around the edges, and your ears will start ringing, and presumably that will get worse and worse until you cant even see or hear anymore. im guessing at this point you would probably fall over and that would be it. out like a light.

its a scary feeling! youll probably go into fight or flight pretty much right away (even if youre doing it consensually- your body will think youre in danger and act accordingly. from what i understand, thats part of the appeal- its like the thrill of riding a rollercoaster), so your heartrate and breathing will speed up and other things that happen in fight or flight. also, i described it as really slow but it can take anywhere from 5 seconds to several minutes depending on how much of the oxygen is cut off. like when someone sees blood and then passes out right away? yeah thats a real thing. and that happens so fast you probably wouldnt register what was happening before you were out. but getting choked out would probably take at least 10-15 seconds if i had to guess, longer if theyre doing it poorly.

anyway im not a writer so i dont have much in terms of specific writing advice like pacing or what to focus on or whatever. and im not an expert either- all of this is based on martial arts knowledge, basic biology and anecdotal evidence, so feel free to correct me on anything ive said here. and obviously you dont have to write it to be perfectly realistic if you dont want- im just trying to share some info about this for anyone who didnt know how it works and wants to write a more accurate portrayal

[pesterloglog]

Nepeta Leijon, Jaspersprite

Act 5, page 3894

AC: :33 < jaspers i guess i should say furwell to you now :((

JASPERSPRITE: Why nepeta?

AC: :33 < beclaws this is the end of your timeline and i dont know what catpuns to you after this

AC: :33 < i mean happens to you after this, heheh, that one was kind of obtuse, sorry

JASPERSPRITE: Whats a timeline? :3

AC: :33 < hmmmmmm thats a hard question

AC: :33 < ok imagine a long tempting strand of yarn

JASPERSPRITE: Yes! Oh yes so great.

AC: :33 < now imagine instead of being made of wiggly enticing stuff, its made of what lets you exist

AC: :33 < and you are right at the twitching tip of it, dont you s33? look at the sky!

JASPERSPRITE: Meow yes i see the sky and can tell that indeed something is going on.

JASPERSPRITE: But aside from that i dont really understand what you said being a cat and all.

AC: :33 < thats fine, you dont have to try too hard

AC: :33 < all you have to know is its the scratch and im not a hundred purrcent sure what happens next fur you

JASPERSPRITE: Purr purr i still think its nice how you slip cat things in the things you say youre so clever and wonderful nepeta!

AC: :33 < h33h33h33 :DD

JASPERSPRITE: Whats the scratch? :3

AC: :33 < well you know roses friend john?

JASPERSPRITE: Yes of course!

AC: :33 < imagine that he is using this great big circle like a really fun scratching post, and it makes all this light come out that changes everything

AC: :33 < just after he starts doing that the sky goes funny everywhere and then i cant s33 you anymore

JASPERSPRITE: Yes. :3

AC: :33 < thats what it is

JASPERSPRITE: I think i understand that completely!

AC: :33 < im a bit nervous for you, especially since you remind me so much of someone i already lost

AC: :33 < but maybe youll be ok? i dont know

JASPERSPRITE: Im not worried nepeta so you shouldnt either its not as if i have never died before.

AC: :33 < you are a brave kitty, just like pounce was <33

JASPERSPRITE: Pounce was a cat like me?

AC: :33 < yes! she was amazing, i bet you and she would have gotten along famousely

JASPERSPRITE: Ooh i bet youre right! Purr purr.

JASPERSPRITE: Was she nice to sniff?

AC: :33 < yes she smelled really good, and also, she was SUPER beautyifful.

JASPERSPRITE: Wow!

AC: :33 < did you ever have someone nice back on earth who you loved?

JASPERSPRITE: Rose!!!!! I loved rose. :3

AC: :33 < h33h33, of course you did. i mean a nice cat who was your matesprit?

JASPERSPRITE: There was a time i remember i was thinking about girl cats a lot for some reason.

JASPERSPRITE: I would saunter around the house making all these big meows and looking out the windows with my nose touching the glass.

JASPERSPRITE: But then roses mom took me to this place where i was scared to be for a while and then when i was at home again i didnt do the meows anymore.

JASPERSPRITE: I guess i didnt think about the girl cats after that which is just as well because none ever came to the windows really not even when i did my biggest meows.

AC: :33 < thats too bad

AC: :33 < but i bet lots of girl cats would have loved to be with you, if only there had b33n some around to hear your lovely meows :33

JASPERSPRITE: Youre really nice to say so nepeta what about you though?

AC: :33 < me?

JASPERSPRITE: Yes. :3

AC: :33 < well

AC: :33 < i have never told anybody this not even my moirail

AC: :33 < heh, actually hes the LAST guy i might tell, he so wouldnt appurrve X33

AC: :33 < but yes i have liked somebody for quite some time, but alas he doesnt know it

JASPERSPRITE: What dont you tell him?

AC: :33 < hmmmmm

JASPERSPRITE: Maybe you can win his affection by rubbing your cheek against him thats what i would do.

AC: :33 < ohhh no no no, im too shy even for that!

AC: :33 < and he is so adorably grumpy all the time, it probably wouldnt go over well

AC: :33 < its hard to explain, maybe cats think diffurntly, but trolls tend to be pretty cautious about expressing their f33lings when it comes to the flushed quadrant

JASPERSPRITE: Whats a quadrant?

AC: :33 < it is

AC: :33 < ummmmmmmm

AC: :33 < okay it has romantic applications but it is also something more general than that

AC: :33 < a quadrant is

AC: :33 < how do i say this!

JASPERSPRITE: :3

AC: :33 < a quadrant is a thing in a group of things that consists of four similar things

JASPERSPRITE: Like paws?

AC: :33 < EXACTLY like paws!!! :DD

JASPERSPRITE: I see thats really easy to get.

JASPERSPRITE: I think you should tell him that you like him you might not get the chance if you dont.

JASPERSPRITE: For instance i think instead of meowing at windows i should have just scurried out a door before it could close!

JASPERSPRITE: Then i might have found a girl cat to sniff oh well. :3

AC: :33 < i know, but its just not that simple. i could make someone else jealous i think, and what if he doesnt f33l the same way, and, urrgh, its so complickated

AC: :33 < maybe i just n33d to let go of the silly infatuation

AC: :33 < i think its never going to happen honestly

JASPERSPRITE: You shouldnt lose hope!

JASPERSPRITE: I have another story that might give you hope even though it should be noted again that im only a cat.

AC: :33 < oh?

JASPERSPRITE: Yes one time i was with rose and i was sitting there dressed up in my suit with her as happy as can be.

JASPERSPRITE: But then she disappeared!

JASPERSPRITE: The whole place disappeared and i was in another place. There was no rose there was someone else.

JASPERSPRITE: I guess i loved her too in time but never as much as rose it just wasnt the same.

JASPERSPRITE: I kept waiting to see rose again but never did and finally i lost hope that i would and then i died.

JASPERSPRITE: But then i became alive again and i got to see her and i was so happy! Purr purr purr purr purr.

JASPERSPRITE: Thats my story and thats why i think theres always hope even if you die.

AC: :33 < so, youre saying that maybe i will have to die to get to be with him?

JASPERSPRITE: Yes maybe. :3

AC: :33 < i hope thats not the case!

AC: :33 < but i guess you just have a different way of looking at things

AC: :33 < thank you for the advice jaspers!

JASPERSPRITE: Purrrrr.

[knightlyrogue]

i know youll never see this either, just like the pipebomb i left in your messages the other day but i unblocked you recently on discord. it was because i got sick of seeing you on my blocked list fast so i just removed you from it. hopefully by now its been long enough that youll just leave mw alone. i fear one day i will crawl back to you but i really really dont want to so i will not turn back to the best of my ability which isnt all that much to begin with. i still have the drawings of ika under my bed. i know my old art is literally terrible to look at but idk. im trying to get better at it so i can draw for commissions or something when im in college. its a little tough right now to not tbink about you but im getting there i just have to cope with the fact i am cutting off everything i thought would be close to me forever. youre the closest thing to my heart, you know. i hope you know the closeness of you. i felt your every breath you were so close i felt the hot air leave your nose. im sorry. you mentioned everything was life or death to me and thats something i am a little hung up on. i know my feelings and i drown in them and i feel like its a little stupid to say that about someone who has bpd to be honest. everything feels like life or death, including this. things as simple as sleep is life or death to me. i love you but i have to go otherwise im going to drown in your absence and i dont want to live like that i have to learn to swim. i love you so so much words fail. they have always failed me. you have hurt me time and time again but i cannot blame you. i think. i dont know anymore. you say ive known you the longest but if that were the case i feel like you would have treated me better in comparison to those who have treated you worse. i am sorry. youre beautiful, you know that? so much so. you impacted me much more than you know and i know youll say youre aware of it but youre not. youre so not. i have to move on with my life but i really really dont want to because i havent ever had anyone this close to me as you are and i dont know whats going to happen to me if i go but im still in the woods if you want to come find me but i will leave soon. very soon. i know what you'll choose eventually and for that i hope you feel the terrible things you have made me feel but i hopw it works out too. i will take your absence as proof of you never loving me at least not as much as you said you did. i hope you prove me wrong. please prove me wrong. i dont know what im gonna do without you i feel clouded and not all here because its like you ripped out bits and pieces of me after i tore you out of my body like the poison you were. i hope you kill me from the blood loss. but i dont at the same time i miss you and im sorry for being so terrible. this is not me saying this in a way that fishes for your sympathy but in a way that comes from my heart. i want this all to stop i want to forget about you but i love you so much and for that i am sorry. even though i think youre not even affected all that much by my absence. a cruel part of me hopes you are though that cruel part of me is aching and snapping his jaws at the idea that you are hurting just as much as he is. as much as i am. goodbye.

[only-forr-me]

i hate that i remember the first thing you said to me. you told me i had a perfect nose and it was so cute because you were drunk and seemed like you didn't know how to talk to girls. this was january 2018.

you slid in my dms in the worst way and i wasnt sure if you were dissing me or attracted to me. i wish i could find my old phone... im pretty sure you ghosted me but we had a brief little texting moment.

you weren't my priority that first year because we never talked i never got to know you.

then i see you posting things showing you care and are passionate. i always thought you were so handsome even out of my league. in second year we had a 1 minute interaction, you stopped by the party and hugged everyone, you seemed genuinely interested in my job. you kept your distance and left shortly after back to your girlfriend. i waited while you were in a relationship but i called you the love of my life for like 3 years. (2019-2022)

then summer 2022 comes. you are seeing a girl but are entertaining others. i hear from e that you think im so pretty, out of your league and care about the same issues and have the same music taste. it was so cute bc i said the exact same things about you. i go to visit (mainly for you) and i have so much confidence. we were off in our little corner because we both didnt know anyone. a girl was trying to flirt with you but you made me feel like i had all of your attention. you're not flirting back with me though making me really confused. you dance with me and the other girl confusing me but i let you go with her because im not gonna compete. it isnt until the end of the night when you are hammered that i realize you only wanted me. we're linking arms and we follow each other on spotify. you tell me you're gonna put a ring on it. i dont want to go to the after party because i needed to be up early the next day. you drag me down the street begging me to come (giving me the ick lol). some asshole says she aint all that but you dont even look at him. i said theres other girls there (as in go talk to that girl that you've been swapping me out for tn) and you say but i only want you there. as we part you say its like breaking up with your first love (me now being soooo jealous that he has felt this). i leave dissapointed because e's friend offered to walk me home but you didnt. you tell me youll take me to my errands in the morning which was a sign of the empty promises to come. honestly... you really gave me the ick that night but i let it slide because you were very drunk.

e tries to give you my number in case his phone dies but you dodge it. i realize now you probably still had my contact from first year and didnt want to embarrass yourself.

our first date happens a year later june 2023. i was so cold and non chalant that date. i was so nervous but also icked out from that summer and dealing with some strong avoidant tendencies. it was also hot i was wearing a coat and sweating and i wanted it to end because i didnt want you to see me sweating lol. you tell me that im so non chalant but you're nervous because you had a huge crush on me in first year. you tell me you used to plan what to say to me if we ran into each other in the library. you tell me you asked e what all of my favourite foods were and that you dropped the blueberries in the store. i played it off as if e hadnt told me. you bought a whole pack of lemonade juice boxes lmaooo and a fruit platter and napkins you were sooo adorable. i kept saying something stupid like i cant believe we never talked and you said even when you visited last year... i didnt want to hit on you in the club i know youre not like that you deserve to be treated special i want to make you feel special. i was so cold and aloof i wish i had been ready to receive that. what i would do to go back and relive that and change how i responded to all of the sweet things you said to me. our date was a series of unfortunate events because the park you wanted to go to was paid admission and it wasn't cute so i said lets go to the other park. we didnt know there was a festival going on so there was so much traffic on the way and no parking once we got there so we ended up going to a park back on the other side of the city. all together we were in the car for at least an hour. not to mention we were dressed for rain and then the sun decided to come out and start beating down on us. the date was only 2 hours. you tried to make it longer but i ruined it because i was so hot and nervous i just wanted to go home. you tell me im like a work of art and dont want to touch me. when we're on my street you tell me im the prettiest girl youve seen here in all these years. i roll my eyes and say thats bullshit but you push back and say im serious ive only seen you a handful of times and im still thinking about you 5 years later. me now wouldve just gushed but i wasn't ready and probably just rolled my eyes ruining the moment. we hug and i go inside and scream in confusion. i dont text you until a week later but in hindsight you also never texted me that week. i think you thought it went so poorly which is true, i almost didnt give you a second chance.

thankfully i did.

[madewithspice]

hii i was wondering if i could ask for similar headcannons for the relationship Erwin ones, but for Hange? if not thats fine! thank uu

Hange Zoe relationship headcanons

Warnings: as always cuss words, I think it's getting tiring mentioning that all the time but just in case here it is

Hange uses they/them pronouns in this

Hi nonnie I hope that's what you were asking for <3

Like Erwin, they'd make the first move when it comes to get your attention or confessing to you. This time is because they have the mentally that they don't have something to lose so they might as well ask you out. I believe that Hange took a lot of time asking you out because they couldn't tell apart if their feelings for you were platonic or romantic

Hange realised they fell in love with you when one night you were in a party of some common friend you had. You two were sitting alone in the balcony talking about your dreams, needs and wants while looking at the stars. You put your head on their shoulders because you got sleepy and they swore that their heart was about to blow up

They don't hesitate to show affection in front of other people. Who cares if you are in front of your friends? Boss? Even the president? You'll still get your kisses from them. Hanges favourite kisses to give are nose kisses and I stand by that. Nose kisses suit their personality. Cute and playful. They like to receive neck kisses. Something about kissing their pulse makes them crazy

Relating to the pda, Hange won't keep their hands off you. A hand will always be on you no matter what your doing. In public Hange likes to have their hands around your waist. They can't help it, they need to feel you all they time. Hange needs to be as close as possible to you. If they could they'd stick on you all the time. Attached to the hip kind of relationship

Dating Hange means you'll be their travel buddy too. You two have a bucket list with the places you want to visit. They take photos of you in every possible eye sight. You two an album of pics you took in your trips. Your albums at this point are countless because they can't stop taking pics of you because you look so pretty all the time :(( . Hange and you get lost most of the times because they are driven by their curiosity. What's better than getting lost in a foreign country that you don't know the language of? Its worth it because you two have the best stories to share with people

Youll never get bored with Hange. They never fail to surprise you. I believe they have a thing for strange pets so you two have a pet raccoon now. They saw it near your trash cans and they brought it home because it was cold :( . They slept on the couch that night but now you got attached to your pet. You and Hange had a solid 5 hour conversation about the name. Their choice won at the end and now you are a family of three. You, Hange and Pickle

Hange is so proud of you and any of your accomplishments. Small or big it doesn't matter. They'll always remind you how proud they are of you matched with kisses all over your face and hugs. Hange will hype you at any moment and they aren't afraid to be vocal about it. Will literally scream for you if they get the chance

Experimenting! It's their middle name. You two tried manyyy things in every aspect of your life. All the different kinds of foods for sure. You two might have failed many times but that doesn't stop you from trying again. I have a certain headcanon that you and Hange use spin the wheel to decide what's the next hair colour you should try. Now imagine about this, Hange dyeing your hair and get distracted by your face because you look so fucking cute and they kiss your nose :(((

They definitely help you grow and stop giving a fuck about what other people think because at the end of the day you live for you. Their recklessness was something you found inspiring and Hange loves you for that

Basically my 1am thoughts about Hange. Love them so much :((

-Markie

[thithesandofferings]

**Title: "If i knew stuffing your hole would get you to practice, I would've definitely found a better use for it."

**Characters: Gohan x Future!Trunks

**Synopsis: Trunks comes to his old master Gohan wanting...different training.

**TW: MDNI 18+. Blowjobs. Throat Training. Gohan being stressed out. Gohan has a big dick, its canon-ive seen it. Dirty Talk. Trunks being a little greedy. Come. Thats it. AU where Gohan isnt married with kids lol

"Come on Trunks, yea j-just- fuck just like that. Use your tongue a little more" Fuck, he should have done this sooner. Having the impenetrable Trunks on his knees for him, practically sucking his soul out from his dick, has been made for an enlightening experience.

There's no way they can go back to normal training even if they wanted to.

:read more:

Especially since it was Trunks who had come to Gohan earlier, face flushed and twisting his fingers, asking his old master if he'd had any experience in throat fucking. That if he could "uhm maybe show him a few pointers". Gohan is almost embarrassed to say that he about ran to an empty room, dust permeating in the air and choking him in the process. But he cant hide his glee, not since Trunks has grown into a fine man. He has a hard time making sure his dick doesn't twitch when Trunks holds him down, and now he's asking him to throat train him? What a day to be alive.

"The key is to breathe through your nose when I pull out Trunks- while i want you choking and gagging on my cock, it wouldn't do you well to pass out from it." And god if trunks wasn't looking up at him, hanging on to his every word, like he hung the moon and stars.

And of course Trunks is a natural, mouthing Gohans dick, making it slick and shiny in the dim lighting. Humming and licking the tip, smirking when he feels the heated flesh jerk on his tongue. Whimpering when the splash of pre hits his lips. Licking it up almost immediately before taking his old masters pink head in his mouth. Gohan knows he's on the little bit of the bigger side, but fuck Trunks was taking him down like a champ.

"If I knew stuffing your hole would get you to practice, I wouldve used this mouth a lot sooner." Gohan grabs the back of lavender strands and fucks his hips up into his tight- very wet throat, shuddering when he glances down and sees the tears prickling in Trunks eyes.

"Shhh, its okay pretty, gonna fuck your throat yea? Gonna make love to it, make this cute hole fall head over heels for me" He squeezes the base of his cock to stop the oncoming orgasm when he hears Trunks whine and grip his hips harder- forcing Gohans cock deeper making sure he feels the muscles convulse around him.

Of course he thinks Trunks looks the prettiest like this, teary eyed and flushed red. Stuttering breath and wet suction noises when Gohan controls the up and down pace. He was probably enjoying this more than Gohan was, the look of satisfaction makes it seem like he'd planned for this outcome all along. Pretty blue eyes rolling back when does a particular hard thrust and his cock jerks in his throat.

"Greedy for it aren't you? Want me to come on your face hm? Wanna feed it to you after" And that has Trunks pulling of his cock- immediately bereft. Making Gohan automatically want to apologize and ask if he was being too rough.

"You're not going to come in my mouth? I-i was hoping that.." Gohan thinks that he may have come and died right there. Trunks couldn't even look at him saying that, but he can tell the flash of disappointment at the thought of not getting to taste his masters come.

He wanted to make Trunks choke on every last inch of his cock, to make him hungry for nothing else but his come.

"You're gonna swallow it all right? Taking my time and my cock just because you're so greedy for your master- youll take your prize wont you?" Fuck he's so close and it doesn't help that Trunks is nodding and affirming what he says while trying his hardest to get back to his dick. Satisfaction bursting into cloudy blue eyes when he latches onto Gohans flushed and leaking head. Hums imploringly, asking silently if Gohan would help push his cock further down the mans throat.

"So good" Gohan grits his teeth to not let a string of moans "Wanting me to fuck your throat and taste my cum, yea pretty? You'll get it don't worry" Trunks nodded best he could with Gohan guiding his face to his hips, making encouraging noises when the pace speeds up.

Gohan knows Trunks will be sore for at least a week with the way he's fucking harshly into his throat, spit spilling from the lilac haired man- just to make the pace even faster. He'd been hard the second Trunks touched him, there's no way he's lasting any longer.

It wasn't Trunks soft mouth that made him gush. He felt rubbing pressure on his right leg and the very thought that Trunks was getting off to sucking his dick sent him over without warning. Trunks seemed prepared because he gripped Gohans muscled thighs even harder, forcing his old masters dick even further- readily swallowing all his come.

He has to yank the purple haired boy off him- oversensitive and soaked with spit. Trunks finding it calming to kitten lick and clean up his cock. Not yet ready to say goodbye to it.

Watching hazily, twitching in aftershock, Gohan remembers the humping and sees a mess in Trunks pants. Trunks, who has the gall to look sheepish, mumbles something about liking the way Gohan looked when he was fucking his throat. There's an almost immediate twitch with Gohans heated length and he pulls Trunks up and pushes him towards the wall. Towering over him and silently making permanent plans.

"Awwwh you came from sucking my cock? Gonna give me a reason to really fuck you here?"

Keke~