#and like I know she’s got problems so I’ve always been really forgiving but I’m so over it

[sampilled]

When she reposts videos about how no one is there for her but she leaves you on read constantly >>>>

People aren’t there for you because you are a bad friend!!!! who doesn’t put effort into your relationships!!!

She also constantly reposts fatspo and thinspo and I need to unfollow her and block but we’ve been friends since we were 14/15 so I can’t but it hurts tbh :(

[jiniretracha]

ꕤ 𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐤𝐭𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐫 '𝟐𝟒 - 𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝟐 ꕤ

Lee Felix x fem!reader: virginity loss

summary: Felix, your roommate and best friend, just got back from a date after being rejected because of a simple fact: he was a virgin. What a better way of showing how good of a friend you were than by helping him out?

warnings: smut, flufffff (a lot of it, like i'm sick already), i haven't proofread this so forgive me for any mistakes lol

word count: 2.5k

kinktober masterlist // masterlist // ko-fi

You heard the door slamming shut from your room and you made your way to the living room with a frown on your face.

“Back so soon?” you asked Felix, your roommate.

He shrugged and left his coat on the hanger with a sigh. He then sat on the couch with a huff and looked at you. “It went great”

“Yeah, sure” you said with sarcasm. You sat next to him and put a hand on his arm. “Can you tell me what happened? I just wanna know if I have to go to that bitch’s house and kick her ungrateful ass” you tried to make him laugh.

He gave you an airy chuckle and looked down. “It went well until the end, like it always does” he told you.

You bit your lip trying to contain the happiness. You knew it was selfish but your roommate, your best friend since you were little kids, had been your crush, the person you knew you’ve grown undying love for for such a long time, you’ve forgotten a time where you weren’t in love with Felix. 

“You’ve been on 4 dates already, what made her change her mind?” you asked, genuinely intrigued. 

Felix looked at you and then away, and you noticed his cheeks were tinted red. “I… uhm…” he stammered. “We started to get to know each other better and then, well, she grabbed my hand and gave me the eyes” he explained and you felt the jealousy starting to build inside your stomach. 

“Ah-ha” you nodded.

“And well, I got nervous and I told her- I- I told her…” he stammered again.

“You told her what, Lix?” 

“That I’m a virgin” he mumbled. 

Your eyes widened.

Felix.

The most beautiful human on the planet.

Probably the most amazing and fuckable person to ever exist. 

Is a virgin.

Your panties were soaked at that point. It got you more than you wanted to admit. 

"You're a virgin?" you asked, dumbfounded.

"Yeah..."

“And what? She rejected you because of that?” you asked him.

Felix nodded.

What a dumb, stupid bitch. 

“Wow, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard, really” you told him. “What’s her problem? Why would that be an inconvenience to her? It shows that she only cared about sleeping with you. I hate to say it, Lix”

“I know”

“We both know you deserve better. Someone who loves you for you and not because they’re only interested in sleeping with you” you told him, feeling yourself getting angrier. 

How could someone treat this beautiful piece of sunshine like this?

Felix looked at you. “You think that I’m worth it?” he asked in a small voice, and it made you want to wrap your arms around him and protect him.

You grabbed his cheeks and made him look at you. “Of course, baby” you said, caressing his cheeks. “Don’t you know how precious you are? You’re perfect, Felix” you stated.

His eyes turned teary and they looked down at your lips. “Y/N…” he mumbled. “Can I… can I kiss you?”

You felt like cartwheeling and jumping around the room. But you remembered that he had just come from a date and was feeling vulnerable. Kissing him would only make things worse. 

“Lix… you’re vulnerable from a failed date” you said. “When you’re better, we’ll see, okay?”

“No, no, no” he said, as he felt your hands pulling away. “I’m… I’ve been in love with you for such a long time and these dates… these useless dates… I’ve had them only because I thought you didn’t love me back and- well, I- I want to be with you, Y/N” he said, rubbing his face on your hand like a cat.

“Felix… what?” you asked, completely dumbfounded.

“It’s okay if you don’t feel like this as well, I- I’m-”

You cut him off by kissing the breath right out of him. He moaned and grabbed your waist, pulling you closer to him til you were lying on the couch on top of him. Your legs straddled his waist while you devoured his pouty lips. 

You could feel Felix’s boner start to poke against you and you smirked, pressing your hips over his crotch.

The man whined against your lips, pushing his head onto the couch. 

“Y/N…” he whispered, the lust in his eyes made you clench around nothing. 

You smiled at him and pressed kisses on his neck. “What?” you whispered and bit at the skin of his neck. “What, baby?” you asked huskily. 

He whined and grabbed your hair, pulling you back to make you look at him. “I’m… I’m ready” he said.

You frowned. “Ready for what?” 

“To um…” he said and your eyes widened a little, immediately getting what he was going at. 

“You want me to take your virginity, Lix?” you asked him, and you begged internally for him to say yes to you. 

His hips pushed against yours, poking his erection directly onto your clit, making you gasp and roll your hips back. He moaned and nodded. “Yeah, yeah, please” he said.

You bit your lip and stood up from the couch, making him look wide-eyed at you, his lips getting pouty and his eyes teary. “Let’s go. I’m giving you your first time on a couch, Lixie” you chuckled at him, offering your hand to him.

He smiled and grabbed it, following you towards your bedroom. 

Once you were inside, you pushed Felix on the bed, making him giggle cutely at you. 

You stood in between his legs and grabbed his hands, placing them by your waist, right by the hem of your shirt.

“Take it off, baby” you whispered and he visibly shivered. 

He grabbed your shirt and slowly pulled it up your frame. You stood there with your bra and shorts, making Felix’s mouth water.

He was having everything he’s ever wanted right in front of him and his hands were getting sweaty at the amount of things he wanted to do but didn’t know how to. 

You grabbed his hands again and made him push your shorts down your legs. You kicked them off and straddled Felix’s lap. 

With your chest, you pushed him on his back and your hands trailed all over him, as you grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled it off his skin. 

You licked your lips as you saw his naked chest, while Felix eyed you with lust in his eyes. You pressed kisses down his chest, making sure to suck on his nipples and the moans that he was letting out made your panties wet. You trailed your kisses down to his stomach and navel, licking the skin right above the hem of the pants he was wearing. 

“Poor baby, got so dressed for a woman not worth his time” you cooed, while pressing your hand on his crotch. 

He bit his lip and whimpered. 

“She wanted to fuck you and look at you, whimpering under me” you said, and grabbed the hem of his pants, along with his boxers, and pulled them down, his erection slapping against his stomach. You bit your lip and grabbed his shaft, making him moan out loud. “Maybe we should send her a picture or a video, don’t you think?” you asked, feigning innocence. 

Felix sat up on his elbows and you started moving your hand up and down over him, your wrist twisting a little at the base. 

“A video of me with your dick in my mouth, wouldn’t that be fun?” you asked and licked a stripe from his base to the tip. He threw his head back, his chest heaving as he tried to control himself while you sucked on his dick, the tip hitting the back of your throat. 

When you did a certain move with your mouth, Felix grabbed your hair, wrenching your mouth away from him. 

“I’m- I was close, I’m sorry” he apologized, out of breath.

You giggled and placed your hands behind your back, unclipping your bra and throwing it over your shoulder. 

Felix’s eyes widened as he took you in and his hands grabbed your waist, placing you down on the bed once he felt a leap of courage. 

He didn’t even wait for you to stop bouncing and enveloped one of your breasts in his mouth. You moaned, arching your back against his mouth as you grabbed his hair. 

“Lix…” you whimpered, your legs going around him. 

He took his mouth away from your chest and grabbed the hem of your panties, searching approval in your eyes.

With a smile, you nodded and he slowly pulled them down your long legs. He threw them away and his fingers shakily found your heated and wet core. “Fuck, you’re so wet, love” he whispered.

“Yeah, who’s fault is that?” you asked with sarcasm, making him laugh a little. He dropped a kiss on your mouth.

He found your clit and rubbed it a little with his fingers. You bit your lip and grabbed his face, making him look at you. 

“Lix, I love what you’re doing but I need you to fuck me like- right now” you said out of breath.

He let out a shaky breath and nodded, dropping a kiss on your lips. 

“Just- just guide me through it, okay?” he asked you.

You nodded and gave him a kiss. “Yeah, of course, my love”

Felix’s heart fluttered at the name and positioned himself right above you, the head of his shaft brushing over your hole.

He let out a moan and grabbed the base of his dick, pushing it inside of you. You moaned when he was buried to the hilt, making your nails dig into his back.

“Shit, Felix, you’re so big, baby” you moaned hotly against his ear. 

He stayed still, trying to breath through his nose and regain his senses. He could barely think and he knew that if he didn’t start doing so, he’d embarrass himself. And he really didn’t want to in front of the love of his life. 

You shifted underneath him and his hands came to stop you by the waist. 

“W-wait…”

“What?” you asked him out of breath.

“Stop moving, I- I want this to last” he said and you chuckled a little.

You waited for him to regain his composure and then he lifted his head, looking at you. His eyes were shining and he smiled at you, pressing a long kiss to your lips.

“Thank you…”

“For what?” you asked, confused.

“For letting me do this” he said, and you could feel how he was holding back. “I know you don’t feel like that like I do for you but-”

“Felix…” you cut him off. Your heart almost broke at seeing his face and for making him think that you didn't like him like that. “Felix, I’m in love with you, babe”

His eyes widened and watered a little. “Really?” he asked, like a little child. 

You smiled and nodded. “Yeah”

He kissed the breath out of you and you wrapped your arms around him. “I love you” he muttered against your mouth.

“Okay, I love you but please move” you moaned.

He nodded against your mouth and started moving slowly. His hands were gripping the sheets as he moved in and out of you. 

You did a certain movement in which you tightened around him and he moaned brokenly. “Fuck, do that again” he whispered.

You grabbed his hair and pulled him down, covering his mouth with a fiery kiss while you tightened around his length. You pulled your leg closer to your chest, opening yourself more for him, making him hit your spot. You moaned and threw your head back on the pillow.

“Fuck, right there” you whimpered and he moved his hips harder against the spot. 

Felix closed his eyes with a pant and pressed his forehead against your chest. “Shit, shit, Y/N, I’m gonna come”

You quickly rubbed your clit so you could come with him, and you tightened around him when you felt the wave crash over you. 

With a moan, you came around him while he continued hitting your sweet spot. 

“I’m coming” he moaned against your mouth before wrapping his lips around yours in a kiss. With uneven thrusts, he spilled his load inside of you, filling you completely and then collapsed on top of your body, completely spent. 

You wrapped your arms and legs around him, inviting his weight with a smile. 

“You okay?” you whispered out of breath.

“Fuck… is it… is it always like that?” he asked, in the same state as you.

You chuckled. “No, it isn’t, actually. But it’ll be like that with us” you whispered in his ear.

You felt him smiling against your skin and he pressed a kiss on it. 

── .✦

You woke up the next day wrapped in your favorite blonde’s arms with a smile. You stood up from the bed, not before leaving a kiss on his forehead and making sure he was well covered by the sheets. The shirt you had thrown off of him looked tempting on the floor so you threw it on your body as you walked down to the kitchen. 

You had decided that there wasn’t a better way to wake up to the new future ahead of the two of you with breakfast in bed. 

Once you started whipping the eggs and cutting down the fruit, you started thinking about different fake scenarios of you and Felix, smiling about the possibility of them becoming true.

Your fantasies were cut short when a knock on the door startled you. 

You frowned, really not expecting anyone. 

Forgetting to check the peephole, you grabbed the doorknob and opened the door. 

The girl that rejected Felix was standing in front of you. Her eyes widened and looked at you up and down, clearly recognizing the shirt that he had been wearing the night before on your body and catching the hickeys on your neck. 

“Um, hi” she said, shifting on her feet. 

“Hey… you are?” you asked, pretending you didn’t know who she was.

“I- I think I got the wrong number. I’m looking for Felix” she chuckled nervously.

“Oh, the guy you rejected yesterday?” you asked her, getting angry at the nerve the girl had. “Yeah, he’s sleeping in my bed. Tired him out last night” you chuckled.

“O-oh” she stammered dumbly. “I- can I talk to him?” she asked.

“Mmm, I doubt it. He’s really tired” you said. “But I’ll tell him you stopped by”

Without waiting for her response, you shut the door in her face and walked back to the kitchen, grabbing the tray you had prepared for him.

You walked back to your room and saw Felix sitting on the bed, rubbing his eyes.

“Hey, baby” he smiled as he saw you. “I heard someone at the door, who was it?” 

“No one, hon” you replied. “I brought you breakfast”

He smiled even wider and kissed your cheek once you sat down next to him, wrapping his arms around you. “I love you… so much” he whispered on your neck, kissing the skin there.

You wrapped your arms around him as well and basked in his warmth. “I love you…”

............

taglist: @annhearttihaehe // @frequentlykit // @alexisfeliz // @jeonginsleftcheek // @minghaosimp // @lixies-favorite-cookie // @yn-x-them // @chrizrizz // @madkati // @starzystay // @pancake-freckle

i apologize if i can't tag u :(

[yuikomorii]

Ayayui date♡

// I'm not sure why, but I suddenly got a burst of creativity. There's no special occasion for this post; it was really just an excuse to edit Yui in my favorite Princess Collection outfit. I like how the merch line was released right on Ayato’s birthday, so I really wanted to see an Ayayui date in those outfits! 😌💕

I was in the mood to write a special scenario again. You just have to click on ‘Keep reading’ to find it. This one is set after the LE events, particularly after the After Story, so I hope you enjoy it! ( ˶ˆ꒳ˆ˵ )

Ayato: Haa… finally!

After all this time, I’ve managed to sort out every single problem in the Demon World.

Geez, I’m gladly taking a break!

( Ever since I became king, I’ve been buried in an endless pile of documents—so many that I’ve grown sick just being in that place. Things seem to be getting better in the Demon World, though I’d lie to say it’s perfectly stable. )

( Well, whatever. I shouldn’t bother too much about that… for now. )

( Right now, all I can think about is her. Ugh, these stupid king duties have kept us apart for way too long. I’m sure she must’ve felt really lonely, huh…? )

( Damn it! That was never my intention, but I know it must be boring as hell to be stuck in the castle all day by yourself. )

( That’s why, I’m definitely going to make it up to her today and take her somewhere nice~! )

Place: Their room

Ayato: Chi-chi-na-shi, guess who’s ba—

( Hah!? She’s not here? )

Oi, Yui!

( She’s still not answering? )

Yui, where are yo—

???: Ayato-kun..!

— hugs his back —

Ayato: What the—!

Yui: Fufu, sorry for taking you off guard. I was just thrilled to see Ayato-kun again!

Ayato: Geez, next time I call you, answer me, understood? You’re still in the Demon World, anything could happen when no one’s around, y’know?

Yui: Ah… I’m sorry for being careless. I hope I didn’t make you worry…

Ayato: No need to sulk now. What matters the most is that you’re alright.

Now… about the thing you’re wearing. Where the heck did you even get it from? It’s the first time I’ve seen you in it.

Yui: Oh, actually I bought it last time we went shopping together. You see… I didn’t show it to you back then because I wanted it to be a surprise, but uuh… does it not suit me?

Ayato: Haa… normally, when a woman wants to surprise her man, she wears lingerie or something sexy, but I’ll forgive you this time. Why? Because you look hella cute in that, can’t deny.

— Yui blushes —

Yui: Ayato-kun… thank you! I’m really happy…!

Ayato: ( Is she seriously almost on the verge of tears for that? )

C-C’mon, don’t get all emotional over every little thing. The date hasn’t even started yet! You really want people to see you with red eyes and puffy cheeks outside?

— Yui shakes head —

Ayato: Good, now let’s go!

— He takes her hand —

Place: Kaminashi City

Ayato: Can’t believe I’m gonna say this but I somehow missed this place.

Yui: Is that so? I thought Ayato-kun didn’t like the Human World.

Ayato: I don’t mind either of them, but right now I’m sick of the Demon World. If I see one more document, I will end up throwing up on the spot.

Yui: Ayato-kun…

( That’s right, he’s been working a lot ever since he became king. I’m sure it must truly be tiring spending days in front of all those documents. )

I’m glad you put a lot of effort in your role, but take it easy, okay? I can’t do much in this situation, yet… If you ever need help, I want to be there to support you!

Ayato: Hmm… anyway. I’m not here to talk about work again. I just want us to enjoy some time together for once.

Yui: ( Ayato-kun really sounds exhausted… He’s matured so much these past few months, which isn’t bad, but I just wish he could relax a little. )

Then, let’s make the best of this day!

— tugs onto his arm and starts walking —

*Timeskip*

Yui: Haa… it’s way better outside.

( Ayato-kun is still waiting to pay for our things, but it was way too hot in that store, so he told me to get some fresh air. )

( Now that I think about it, vampires are always cold, so I doubt the heat bothers him as much as it does me, right? Even so, seeing him care about my comfort makes me really happy. )

— warm breeze hits —

Yui: Mm… so ni—

— something suddenly hits her —

Yui: Kyah! What on earth was that!?

Eh? That’s—

Familiar: Greetings. Pardon my interruption, but could it be that you are Komori Yui-sama?

Yui: ( ‘Sama’? Uuh… I feel like that’s an exaggeration. )

Yes, I am. Did anything happen…?

Familiar: Rest assured, there is no need for alarm. My purpose here is simply to entrust this to your care. Unable to find Ayato-sama, I must rely on you to deliver him this letter.

— Yui takes it —

Yui: But, what’s this letter about?

If it’s possible to tell, of course.

Familiar: In essence, a new set of documents has been prepared for Ayato-sama. Please inform him at your earliest convenience, as his return is eagerly anticipated.

Yui: Wait! Does it mean that he really has to return now—!

( Oh no! The familiar is already gone! )

( To think that Ayato-kun was finally starting to relax again… )

( All this letter will do is ruin his day, that’s for sure. )

( But at the same time, not showing it to him… that would undoubtedly get him in troubles. )

( Uuh… This situation is so complicated. What should I do…? )

Ayato: Chichinashi!!!

Yui: ….!

— suddenly hides the letter —

A-Ah, Ayato-kun, you’re back!

Ayato: Duh, and I kept calling your name but it seems you only answer to Chi-chi-na-shi~.

— He starts pinching her cheeks —

Yui: Whey dwont, staphh!

Ayato: Hehe, that’s what you get for spacing out and ignoring me.

Anyway, you weren’t approached by any creeps, were you?

Yui: N-No, not at all!

Ayato: Hmm… that doesn’t sound too honest. Are you lying?

Yui: No way! I… I’m just hungry and my stomach won’t stop growling, which is really embarrassing…

Ayato: Haa… you never change. Always getting embarrassed over everything, but no worries, I didn’t hear anything. Though, if you’re really that hungry, I guess we could get something to eat.

Yui: Y-Yeah, that sounds great!

* Timeskip *

Yui: ( After the restaurant, we went to the mall, then back to the center. Ayato-kun… we walked a lot today, but instead of getting tired, he just got more and more energetic. )

( I suppose he was really in need of this break, so maybe hiding that letter wasn’t entirely bad, no…? Still, I’ll have to give it to him today, otherwise I’ll surely put him at risk… )

Ayato: Oi Yui, look!

Yui: W-Woah! I’ve never seen such big Takoyaki before!

Ayato: Heh, right? It’s even bigger than the ones from the Demon World!

Also, Ore-sama got you this, so I better see you eat it all.

Yui: Eh-? This is such a big donut! T-There’s no way I could eat all of it!

Ayato: So you’re refusing my donut? You’re way too ungrateful for a Chichinashi. Well, in that case, I guess you don’t need it any—

Yui: No, no, the donut is good!

— starts eating it —

Come to think of it, today you’ve spoiled me quite a lot, Ayato-kun.

Ayato: And why would that be bad? I thought women liked that.

Yui: It’s not bad, but I really didn’t do anything special. You’re the one who’s been working all day and night, for this reason I believe you deserve this treatment more.

Ayato: Haa… getting all self-conscious, just like always.

Look, you know I’m not good at sentimental shit, but after everything we’ve been through, your presence is special enough for me.

I guess I just want to cherish you, that’s all.

Yui: Ayato-kun… I feel the——

A-Ah, oh no!

( The chocolate… it melted on my hand! )

I-I’m sorry, I’ll be right back!

— tries to stand up —

Ayato: Nah, nah. C’mere.

— grabs her and sits her on his lap —

Yui: Wait, don’t!

— he starts licking her hand —

Yui: A-Ayato-kun, stop it! We’re in public…!

Ayato: Mnn… Mm…

— slowly bites —

Yui: Uuh…

( At this rate, people will definitely start watching!)

— starts moving —

Ayato: Tch, you’re making this way too hard for both! Just stay still and stop acting like I’m about to kill you!

Yui: ( I know his intentions aren’t bad, but this is getting too embarrassing…! )

( I’m sorry, Ayato-kun! )

— tries to push him away but falls down —

Yui: Oww…

Ayato: ( Geez, what a klutz. )

Haa… are you hurt?

— grabs her arm and picks her up —

Yui: Ah, I’m alright, no worries.

Ayato: Oi.

What’s that?

— picks something up —

Yui: ….!

Ayato: Is that… a letter for me?

— starts reading it —

You… you had it all this time with you and didn’t say a word?!

Yui: I… I can explain!

You see, I thought—

Ayato: Shut up!

Do you even have the slightest clue about what you just did!? I seriously doubt you understand how important king duties are, do you?

Hah, of course, you don’t! Why would you?

You sit around doing absolutely nothing all day while I’m working my ass off to make sure you and everyone else can live comfortably!

I’m out here putting in the effort, grinding to create a decent life, not just for you, but for everyone, even if I didn’t ask for this shit. And you do this to me!?

I thought you matured too, but at the end of the day, you’re nothing but a selfish bitch!

Yui: Wait! Ayato-ku—

Ayato: Don’t touch me!

Yui: …!

Please, listen to me!

— grabs his clothes —

Ayato: Quiet! I’m not risking to go through that again only because of someone like you. Get lost!

— pushes her away and leaves —

Yui: …!

No… No… this can’t be the end…

How… How could I be this stupid…? Hhn… Ngh…

Kuh… Ayato-kun.. Nhn…

Place: Avenue

Ayato: (Fuck! I can’t return to the Demon World right now. )

( On top of that, why the hell am I the one feeling guilty now!? )

( She… Yes, she deserved that treatment. That’s what she gets for sticking her nose where it doesn’t belong. Besides, what she did could lead to something dangerous. )

( It’s not the first time she pulls such shit on me anyway, but… )

( Why can’t I stay mad at her no matter what she does to me…? )

Tch, such bullsh— Hah?

Guy 1: Aww, she’s playing hard to get~!

Guy 2: Aren’t you a bit too feisty for a crybaby?

???: S-Stop it! Leave me alone!

Ayato: …!

( That voice… Yui! )

Place: Alley

Yui: I-I told you to stop!

Guy 1: Just come with us, it’ll be fun~.

Yui: No, I don’t want to!

Guy 2: She keeps struggling, isn’t she cu——

— gets punched —

Guy 1: What the—

Guy 2: Such strength!

Yui: Eh?

Ayato: Get out of my sight, you bastards! If you don’t leave this girl alone right now, I’ll make sure your already disgusting faces get even worse!

— they start running away —

Yui: Ayato-kun… thank you!

( He came back for me… )

Ayato: ….

— grabs her hand and starts walking —

*Timeskip*

Yui: ( Ever since Ayato-kun saved me, he hasn’t spoken a word. )

( It’s obvious that he’s mad… )

( But if both of us keep quiet, this conflict will never be solved… )

Ayato & Yui simultaneously: I’m sorry.

Yui: ( Eh? Did he just— )

No… I’m the one who should apologize. I hid that letter, knowing full well the consequences it could have.

However… I only did it because I wanted Ayato-kun to have some free time for himself too.

Ayato: You…

Yui: I’m aware of how much work you have to do, and being king is definitely not easy. That’s why, I really admire your for that.

Nevertheless, it saddens me seeing Ayato-kun so stressed out and exhausted. I want Ayato-kun to be always as energetic and cheerful as he was today, but… I do realize that I’m just being selfish.

Ayato: No… You… You’re not selfish, I am.

I was the one who didn’t listen to your side of the story. It’s just... I’m afraid of failing as king. There, I said it!

I don’t want to put the people I care for in danger, nor can’t I accept being a worse king than that old fart, so all I have to do is carry out my duties. Hell yeah, they’re a pain in the ass but that’s my responsibility now, which is why I can’t back off.

Yui: ( Ayato-kun… I never thought you felt that way… )

N-no, the way you reacted was understandable. Anyone under that much stress might have done the same, and I can’t blame you for it.

Besides, I can’t say your words were wrong. I am indeed incapable of fully understanding the challenges you face, however… no matter what happens, I want you to know that you’ll always be the best king to me…!

Ayato: …!

Heh… you really never change.

— hugs her—

Yui: W-Well, I suppose I can’t change if I do nothing all day.

Ayato: Hmph, are you throwing shade at me for what I told you?

Yui: Eh? No way, it was just a coincidence! I swear!

Ayato: Pfft, proved my point. You'll forever stay the clumsy, stupid, and oddly adorable woman that you are.

Yui: Hey, that’s backhan— Mm…!

Ayato: Nn…

Yui: ( Ayato-kun… his kiss is so gentle… )

( I really missed Ayato-kun’s kisses. I’m so happy…! )

Ayato: Oi, don’t tell me you’re about to cry again.

Yui: I’m not but…

I just want to know, will the letter get Ayato-kun in troubles…?

Ayato: I might get some weird looks for not showing up on time, and maybe a lecture or two, but it shouldn’t be too bad. I was supposed to start on them today since there’s a lot, but... I think I’d rather spend my time with my girl instead.

Yui: Is that so? Thank you.

But doesn't that mean you'll have to work even harder to make up for today?

Ayato: I guess it can’t be helped. I don’t want to think of tomorrow, all I want is to focus on the present.

Yui: Fufu, I see. By the way…

Will you uhm… stay overnight too?

Ayato: Heh~? Is that supposed to be a sex invitation?

Yui: I… T-That’s—!

Ayato: Heh~, don’t even try to get out of it, it’s written all over your face.

Rest assured though, the invitation is accepted~.

— Smooch —

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for calling my boyfriend babygirl

let me clarify upfront: my boyfriend has never expressed discomfort with this, and says he likes it, so it’s potentially a non-issue, but it’s still bugging me. this has been ongoing for a little over a month and i feel like i’m going nuts. forgive me if any of the language i use here isn’t correct, i don’t know how else to get the ideas across - feel free to correct me if i could be saying things more inclusively. sorry that this is rambly also. small nsfw warning (nothing too explicit)

i (22m) have been dating my boyfriend (19ftm) for a little over a year. i’m cis and he is trans. admittedly i’m not like… the most well versed in trans issues but i love him more than life itself so i really try to be respectful of him. he was bullied pretty severely in highschool, not just for being trans but his gender identity was no small part of it, and even though he’s not super dysphoric day to day he’s definitely got some boundaries about it. there are certain compliments he likes and some that upset him (he doesn’t enjoy being called pretty or cute, typically) and he’ll snap at people for referring to him with feminine names or titles like “sis” “girl” etc even if it’s done jokingly.

the thing is he’s rarely, if ever, done that with me? i call him pretty and cute all the time (because he is) and he’s always been fine with it. admittedly the first time i did it i didn’t know it was something that usually bugged him, but he’s never said anything to me about it. everytime i have he’s seemed happy. he’s very outspoken, i pretty firmly believe if it was a problem he’d say something about it - again, he has no issues being firm about this boundary with any of his other friends and family. i was doing this before we started dating, so after we started dating it sort of bled into pet names

again, it was never something i asked him about expressly, but at some point i started calling him, like… princess, babygirl, etc. i only ever do this in private, when its just us or when i’m pretty sure only he can hear me, for a few reasons. my boyfriend doesn’t really pass (entirely his choice. he doesn’t bind his chest and he doesn’t want any gender affirming surgeries or hrt - again, he’s not super dysphoric day to day, he only gets upset when it’s commented on and he can bounce back from it pretty quickly) and again, it seems like it’s always made him happy. at the risk of tmi, it especially seems to make him happy in the bedroom, which is another reason i avoid dropping these pet names in front of anyone else. it’s private and i don’t think it’s anyone else’s business.

so. to put this mildly. we went to a house party together recently and i got super smashed. it was a pretty big party so we were sticking by each other, and when you’re drunk and your partner is there… well, yeah. i was admittedly being pretty handsy. he didn’t tell me to knock it off or anything, he was reciprocating. at some point he started talking to his best friend from highschool (19mtf, i’ll call her Z) so i reigned myself in but i was definitely still drunk and horny and being clingy. i don’t know Z all that well - she and my boyfriend are very close but she can be pretty harsh, and i appreciate all she does for him so i like her, but we never talk unless he’s there. i’ve had maybe one one-on-one conversation with this woman ever.

they’re talking. i’m also there. i’m not trying to rush him but i definitely want to get home. the conversation lulls and i take the chance to ask my boyfriend if he wants to leave soon, and because i am aforementionedly drunk and horny i drop one of those earlier pet names. before he can respond to me, Z snaps at me. she says not to call him that and that i was being a creep - this alarms me and was kind of frustrating since i wasn’t even talking to her, and i recognize i’m not in a headspace to argue? with her? so i just tell my boyfriend to come find me when he wants to leave and i wander outside. he finds me about 5-10 minutes later and we head home.

it doesn’t get brought up again that night but a day or so later i text Z to ask her what she meant by me being a creep, because it was bugging me. she says that it’s obvious i’m fetishizing my boyfriend’s gender identity, that the fact i call him those things brings up major red flags, etc. i tell her that my boyfriend doesn’t have an issue with it. she says it doesn’t matter and asks me why i want to call him those names in the first place, and posits that maybe i don’t actually want to be dating a boy - that i just like the idea of dating a boy and actually want to be with a woman. i’m gay, so this is VERY out of pocket to me. i tell her my boyfriend is not a woman and end the conversation there, but it DOES stick with me. so, very belatedly, i ask my boyfriend what he thinks of all this. i adore him so much and i hate hate hate the idea i could’ve been treating him like that, even unintentionally. he says the pet names never bothered him and he’s never felt like that, and that he’s fine with me specifically doing it because he trusts me and knows i don’t see him as a girl.

so, whatever. she has a problem but me and my boyfriend don’t. i try to move on, but the next time i see her she asks if i’ve apologized/reflected at all. i tell her no, because my boyfriend said i have nothing to apologize for and it seems like a non-issue. she is now avoiding me, refuses to be in the same room as me, and will declare to anyone who asks that she doesn’t want to be near someone who fetishizes trans people and she doesn’t feel safe around me. my boyfriend tries to talk to her but she insists i need to apologize at the bare minimum, but to who? even if i did apologize to my boyfriend i wouldn’t mean it and he wouldn’t want it. Z is his long-time best friend, i can’t exactly go the rest of our relationship just avoiding her. so i have no damn idea where to go from here.

on some level, i worry she’s right? i honestly don’t know why i started calling him those things. i think it started as a joke but i just kept doing it when i noticed he seemed to like it. in hindsight that was maybe shitty of me, but i trust him to tell me when something i do is making him uncomfortable. it’s not like i can do that over, but if he ever told me to stop i would. it’s definitely true that if you saw my boyfriend on the street you’d probably assume he’s a woman, but i’ve never been attracted to anyone who actually identifies as a woman before. i’ve only ever liked men, and no matter what he looks like he is a man. this whole situation did make me think about how i think about him, and i’ve realized that, like… i want to have kids with him one day, and ideally i’d like him to carry them. ideally, but id never make him. if he decided tomorrow that he wanted to medically transition and go the whole nine yards i’d support him. he’s my whole world, i just want him to be happy. but does the fact i want him to carry children prove her right?

i’m just. confused. i feel like i’m running myself in circles. Z knew him in highschool so she was there when bullying over his gender was at his worse, so i get why she’s protective. she’s also trans herself so she undoubtedly understands this stuff better than me. but i’ve heard it’s normal for trans people to have complicated relationships with gender, so it’s normal to be okay with gendered language from some people and not others (like only letting close friends use certain pronouns for you). i figure it’s like that, but it’s not my gender so… i don’t know. should i just stop calling him those pet names altogether, even though i know at this point he enjoys them, to be safe? am i an asshole for calling him those things in the first place / would i be an asshole if i kept doing it?

What are these acronyms?

[justmeinadaze]

Little Girl Gone Part 3 (Steddie X You)

A/N: I tried to grab all the tags! If I missed any let me know :)

Warnings: Gangster Eddie/Officer Steve & Doctor Fem Reader, SMUT, slight degrading, spanking, slapping, handcuffs, etc. FLUFF, more details about the guys relationship,

ANGST, Per the previous chapters cliffhanger we get to meet Jason Carver and he causes problems triggering Eddie to react impulsively. Steve and Y/N spend the bulk of the chapter trying to talk him out of it. Steve and Y/N talk about past relationships, The boys fight but its an understanding between them (you'll see what I mean), technically not a cliffhanger ending this time!

Word Count: 6883

Previous Chapter Here

Clearing your throat, you regained your composure as you feigned a smile and extended your palm out to shake his. 

“Hello there Mr. Carver. How can I help you today?”

“Well, like I told the young lady out there, I’m just here for a checkup. I’m embarrassed to say I wasn’t even aware this little office was here and so close to my house!”, he chuckled as he leaned against the counter. 

Your head slightly ticked to the side at his statement as you pretended to read his chart. Carver’s side of Hawkins was nowhere near your clinic with you actually being a lot closer to Eddie’s building then any of Jason’s. 

“Is that right?”

As the gangster nods, he turns his back to you for a moment to check his phone allowing you to sneak towards your sink and turn on the water as you pretended to wash your hands, utilizing your own device as you call Eddie’s phone. 

“If anything happens, you see something or feel unsafe just call my cell. I’m more likely to answer than Steve who’s always on the move.”

Casually fumbling with your hair, you slide the wireless earbud into your ear and slide your device back into your pocket just as Jason turns back around. 

“Please forgive me. Didn’t mean to break one of your rules.”, he laughs softly as he points to your “No Cell Phones” sign.

“Hey princess. I was just thinking about you.”, Eddie’s voice sweetly flowed from your phone.

“Oh, don’t worry about it, Mr. Carver. I completely understand.” You heard clicking that sounded like a gun being loaded as you focused on the man in front of you. “Now was there a particular reason you felt like you needed a checkup or did you just wanted to keep up appearances?” 

“No Steve, fuck you. I’m not staying put. This fucker has the nerve to come on to MY territory and…well then I’ll meet you there. You better get there before me because I swear to God if this asshole wants a war… The fuck did you just say to me!? Goddamn it!”

“I have to confess; I did have a bit of a reason. My head and my shoulder have really been bothering me.”

“Steve’s on the way, Y/N. He said he’s a couple of minutes away and so am I. Just stay calm, baby.”

“That’s not uncommon with things like…migraines. I, um, I can run some tests and prescribe you some medication that…that will help.”

Jason takes a few steps toward you as he speaks. 

“I would appreciate that. It just genuinely feels like I got shot in the forehead or something.”, he chuckles as he moves again till he’s right in front of you. 

“I think you should leave.”

“Aw, why? I’ve heard from the community around here that you’d be the person to come to for pain and I’m in a lot of it. You see, I had to bury one of my close friends yesterday.”

“What does that have to do with me?”

“That’s what I’m trying to find out, honey.”

“Don’t call me that.”, you growl making him smirk down at you before pushing some of your hair behind your ear displaying the earbud. 

“She seems like a strong one, Munson. Beautiful. Girl in uniform. You definitely have a type.”

“Don’t touch me either.”

“Or what, honey, huh?”

The exam room door flies open as Steve barrels through with his gun drawn. 

“Jason. You’re on the wrong side of town.”

“Put me on speaker, Y/N.”

Removing the device from your ear, you do what he says and hold your phone towards the gangster whose eyebrows raise in amusement.  

“Is that my favorite rival?”

“Jason… you’re playing with fire. First you come on my territory, kidnap, and hurt Steve. Then you send one of your idiots to point a gun in my face. Normally this would be strike three but I’m giving you an out here. Stay away from them and off my side of Hawkins and we’ll do the same.”

“You know, Eddie, that sounds like a sweet deal. Let me talk it over with my team and…oh wait. You killed half my team.”

“You hurt the man I love. You started this… Don’t play the victim now.”

“No, you know who’s a victim? Andrew, Patrick, Samuel, and all of my other friends you killed.”, he sneered as his eyes met your own. “Soon you’ll know what it feels like. You won’t know when or where, freak, but I assure you I will be there when your pig and little whore here become victims to. Unless… you want to switch sides and come with me, pretty girl.”

As his hand reached out to touch your face, your fist reached out to punch him, knocking him backwards just in time for Steve to move forward, grab your wrist, and pull you behind him. 

“Like you said, asshole, I have a type. She’s a lot stronger than she seems. However…”

The door to the room opens again as Eddie saunters in cocking his gun and points it in the other man’s face. 

“If you ever pull a stunt like this again or lay one hand on her, there will be nowhere you could run where we wouldn’t find you. I’m not Allen, Jason. I’m not going to let the stupid bullshit you used to do slide.”

Moving aside to stand by Steve, he allowed the gangster to stand and adjust his suit as he headed for the door. 

“You’re right, Munson. You aren’t Allen. The streets ran better with him in charge and you’re nothing like him. You may think these people respect you but I assure you they pity you.”, he spat before leaving the way he came.

The officer immediately turned around and cupped your head in his hands. 

“Are you ok, honey? You did really good.”

You aggressively nod, gripping his wrist as you lean your forehead against his. 

“Yeah, I’m ok. What does this mean?”

“It means I fucking slaughter that asshole and show him exactly how people respect me.”, Eddie grumble as tucked away his weapon. 

“No, it doesn’t. That’s something impulsive Allen would do but not you.”

The gangster chuckled under his breath casually walking towards the officer, placing himself mere inches from him with a stoic expression but eyes filled with fury. 

“That’s the second time today you, Steven, have insinuated I’m acting like my father and second person today to compare me to him. I am the boss of the Munson crew and I know how to handle my business. Now, go back to being the dirty cop and shut the fuck up.”

“I’m dirty because of you, babe. Everything I do is for you.”

“Wait…”, you begged as you step between them, each man prepared to duke it out here in your exam room. “Wait, don’t do this here. We can talk about it tonight in your loft.”

“We?”, Eddie sneered as he backed away. “You two can come over but the conversation will be the same. I know what I’m doing and neither of you have any say but especially you, little girl.”

“The head of a gang just threatened my life. I’m allowed to have an opinion on this.”

“Edward Munson, don’t do anything till we talk or I swear to God, I will arrest you and take you in myself.”

The gangster bit his bottom lip, huffing at he turned to leave. 

“Well then bring your handcuffs, sweetheart, because you will need them.”

##############

Steve stayed with you the rest of the day and after you got off, drove with you to Eddie’s building. As soon as you both stepped in you could feel the energy buzzing around what happened. 

“Hey Marcus. Please tell me he’s at least in his apartment.”

“Yes, sir, Mr. Harrington, but he has had people coming and going.”

“Great. Thanks, bud.”

The man behind the desk smiles at you as you wave politely, your other hand firmly locked with the officer’s as he led you to the elevator. 

“Is this normal? Have you ever seen him like this?”, you ask.

“Uh, yeah, but not at this scale.” As the door to the elevator closes, he sighs before turning to face you. “We meant what we said, Y/N, about not hurting you or anything like that but we both can get feisty when we’re heated. If anything makes you feel uncomfortable or you get scared just say that word we taught you, ok?”

The entire week you stayed with them after what happened with Andrew, you not only spent that time getting to know each other but they explained some rules they like to follow when it comes to “playing rough.” Steve told you that due to their line of work sometimes they liked to take out their stresses on each other which made you giggle at the time when his eyes playfully rolled back. 

“We like to go all out, you know? Slapping, choking, degrading… of course, honey, you don’t have to do any of that.”

“I don’t mind you doing any of that. Just don’t like punch me or cut me.”

“Sweetheart, we aren’t into that kinda thing either. Trust me, we see it enough out there.”, Eddie teases as he points absently towards the window. “If you don’t like something we’re doing or you need us to stop just say ‘Red’, alright?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Oh, Munson. She has manners. I like that.”

“Yes, sir.”

The officer grins as he leans down to kiss your lips. 

As soon as you enter Eddie’s apartment you’re stunned by the chaos around you. There were guns laid out in random sections of the living room with a gigantic map of Hawkins on the coffee table. Walking further in, you noticed pieces of glass shattered against the wall with liquid that smelled like bourbon surrounding it. 

“Ed, this is a rash jump. Shouldn’t the retaliation be level with the offense? A war seems…extreme.”

“Alright, Gareth, what would be level for openly threatening me and the people I care about, hm? Kill more insignificant lackies? Steal some of his product? No. If this is what he wants then I’m going to give it to him.”

“Jesus, man. You sound like—” The gangster’s angry glare cut him off as he rose to his feet, relief panting his features when he noticed Steve. “You know we’d follow you anywhere but we…I really think you should reevaluate your strategy.”

Eddie ignores him as he holds his current glass of alcohol in his hand to his forehead as he continues to focus on the image in front of him. The officer pats Gareth shoulder comfortingly as he leaves and you exhale your nerves as you watch these two men you’ve grown fond of interact.

***

“I see you didn’t wait for me.”, Steve sighed with agitation. 

“You’re right, I didn’t, but I haven’t made any definitive moves yet so you’re right on time to say your peace.”

“Eddie, I’m not playing around. If you start a gang war in the middle of Hawkins, I will arrest you and throw you in a cell myself. If you want to act like your dad then I can treat you like him.”

The long-haired man slammed his glass against the table and rose to his feet, striding angrily towards the officer before shoving him furiously in the chest.

“Last time you tried that, babe, we barely made it halfway down the street before you were fucking me and letting me go! You think now you can follow through? After everything we’ve been through? Now that you love me.”

Steve stepped forward shoving the man back with his broad chest.

“With no hesitation, honey. I’d be doing it because I love you. I’m not going to let you get innocent people and/or yourself killed! There are other ways we can do this, Eddie.”

“There’s no other way. I’m tired of his cocky, entitled attitude and I gave him plenty of leeway! His response was to hurt you, threaten me, and intimidate Y/N? No. I won’t have that disrespect!”

“Eddie, doing this won’t gain you that respect. If anything, you’ll lose more or all of it.”, you added trying to help. 

“Oh, sweetheart, if anyone has less say in this, it’s you.”

“My life is now on the line to as well as those innocent people Steve mentioned. I see and heal them every day! You told me when we first met that you didn’t kill people you didn’t have to. You don’t have to do this.”

Eddie glared into his boyfriend’s eyes as he reached for his phone and started dialing. 

“Hey, Jeff. Yeah, get everything together and—”

Steve hand flew, knocking the device from the gangster’s hand as he tumbled to the side and caught himself on the couch. 

“Jeff, it’s Steve. Ignore that order. As a matter of fact, all of you head home for the night, ok? Mr. Munson and I need to have a talk so he won’t be making anymore decisions tonight.”

With exception force, he threw the phone hard against the wall, not even flinching when it shattered. Both men stared each other down as the fury burned around them and you’d be lying if you said watching them angerly pant as their dominance oozed from them didn’t turn you on a bit. 

 Eddie lunged toward him and you watched in aw as both men began to fight each other. The officer got the upper hand, pinning him to the floor, and pressing his knee into his shoulder blades as he handcuffed his hands behind his back. 

“Be careful, Steve! He’s still healing.”

Rolling him onto his back, he checked the gangster’s wound that was exposed due his shirtless physique that had Steve not just checking his side but his entire upper body. 

“Why are you acting so impulsively? This isn’t like you.”

“Well, this feels familiar. You sizing me up while I’m on my back, handcuffed. I’m starting to think the reason you restrain me is because you can’t control me without it. Just like how you think threatening to take me in will get me to submit to what you want.”

Keeping both knees straddling his waist, Steve’s palms caressed his stomach around to his back, his eyes never leaving his boyfriend’s as he removed the cuffs accepting the challenge. 

“I can control you just fine without restraints. Now… are you done with your tantrum, little boy, or should we keep going?”

The condescension in his partner’s voice infuriated the gangster as he smacked him in the face and tried to throw him off him. This just spurred Steve on more as he grabbed the man’s wrists and held them to the floor. 

“Honey, can you help me?”

Nodding, you scurried his way and when his eyes gestured towards his belt, you immediately unbuckled it, even going the extra step of pulling out his cock for him.

“Thank you, pretty girl.”, he coos, tilting his head towards you so you could kiss his lips as Eddie struggled beneath him. “See? She’s a good girl.”

“She IS a good girl. That’s why I’m doing this; to protect her.”

“Don’t. Don’t say you’re doing this for us, Eddie, because we don’t want you to do this.”

The gangster’s jaw clenched at your words causing Steve to sigh in frustration as he leaned down till the tip of his cock was resting on his lips. 

“Open.” When his partner remained still, the pretty boy rolled his eyes, shuffling the man’s hands into one of his own so he could free his other to reach behind him and place it on the massive bulge in his slacks. “OPEN.”

Eddie’s eyes fluttered as Steve continued to massage him and without prompting you slide towards the gangster’s waist and unbuckled his pants as well. 

“All the way off, baby. He needs to be exposed and vulnerable because that seems to be what he’s into now a days. Right, little boy? That’s what this move you’re planning will do.”

When Eddie moaned, Steve turned to see just as you were running your tongue down the veins of the man’s length. 

“She’s a lot nicer than I am because I assure you I’m not going to be that gentle. Now…OPEN.”, he growled. 

He tried to remain steadfast but when your lips enveloped him, Eddie couldn’t help but groan allowing Steve to slide into his awaiting mouth. Releasing him from his hold, the officer balanced his hands above his boyfriend’s head as he thrust into him as you lightly mewled at the feeling of Eddie’s palms petting your hair. 

“Fuck. That’s it. Keep that sassy fucking mouth open for me.”

Coming around to their front, you help Steve remove his shirt before leaning down beside Eddie’s forehead to tenderly move his hair away from his face. Even though they were upset, both men sighed at the action. You were a nice contrast to their rough lifestyle, not just when you played but in their relationship as well. 

“Eddie, please, there’s another way we can do this without people getting hurt.”

Wrapping his arms around his waist, the gangster flipped the officer over and you slid back a bit to allow them to wrestle. You noticed immediately that a lot of Eddie’s fight had decreased especially when Steve’s back hit the wall as he circled his legs around him, locking the long-haired boy in a position that had him thrown over his lap on his stomach with his ass exposed. 

Gripping his wrists again in one hand, the other free one came down hard on his behind making Eddie groan. 

“She’s talking to you and she’s right, Ed.” Squirming against his hold, Steve’s hand came down again. “Why are you being so stubborn about this?!”

“FUCK YOU!”

His deep, authoritative voice startled you but not his partner as his palm came down once more before sucking on two of his fingers and sliding them into his entrance. 

“Are you trying to prove something? Everyone already knows you’re a badass to be feared if needed.” Eddie moaned as Steve’s fingers tapped that spot inside of him that drove him crazy. “You keep saying it’s a respect thing but I don’t believe you. People respect you except that fucking, preppy moron but that’s one man. We don’t need to kill a bunch of people to prove a point to him.”

Steve spanked him again as he mused.

“Is it me?”, you asked in a small voice that makes Eddie’s head hang as his hair blocks his face. “Is it because of what we talked about…about how I’m another vulnerability?”

“I won’t allow anyone to fucking hurt you.”, he grumbled as his eyes shot up to meet yours. “Anyone.”

With incredible force, Steve pushed him off his lap and rose to his feet, pulling up his pants, and collecting you in his arms before carrying you up the stairs to the bedroom. 

“Grab anything you may need, honey. We’re going to my place.”

“You have a place?”

“Yeah. Can’t really have it on record that I live with a gangster.”, he chuckles, his face hardening as Eddie enters the room. “You promised me that you wouldn’t let your feelings for me affect what you did out there. We agreed that extended to her when we decided to bring her into our world. If you really want to fucking burn down Hawkins to show the city that we are yours then we’ll remove ourselves from the fucking equation. Oh, and she’s not a vulnerability. Personally, I think she’s one of our strengths. One of the few fucking positive things about us and in our lives.”

“Why do you think I’m trying to protect her?!”

“EXCUSE ME! But haven’t I protected you two?!”, you angrily spit towards Eddie. “You I’ve saved twice, remember? I don’t NEED you to protect me. I can protect myself just fine. I like knowing I have you two there for me though. I…I make myself vulnerable FOR you. That doesn’t mean I’m weak. I’m not afraid of Jason Carver. If anything, I’m more afraid of you right now and what you might do.”

Eddie let out a heavy sigh as his palm flew up to his chest. Taking a hold of your hand, Steve led you past the brokenhearted gangster and out the front door.

##############

Grinning softly, you took in the new dwelling Steve had brought you to. It was a modest, brick interior, studio apartment on the fifth floor of a complex that had a good view of the city. The walls were pretty much bare except for the couple of pictures of sports cars and near his bed his certificate of graduation from the police academy. In the corner, he had set up a little gym area with weights and a treadmill with the same fantasy book off to the side that you remembered on Eddie’s nightstand. 

When you flashed it to him questioningly, he smiled. 

“Eddie loves that crap. Whenever he babbles about it, I at least want to know what he’s talking about.” 

On his nightstand, he placed his badge and gun right beside the medication you prescribed him making you beam when you see he had been following your instructions. Beside his lamp and phone charger was a framed photo of him and Eddie different from the one the gangster had. In his photo, Eddie was on a kitchen counter somewhere with his legs reaching to wrap around Steve’s waist as his ringed fingers tugged at the collar of his shirt to bring him closer. Their lips were inches apart, noses just barely touching as Steve smirked down at him. 

“We need to get a picture of you so we both can have one.”

“Does it worry you? Like if you invite a friend over who’s on the force and they see that?”

“Sweetheart, I don’t know if you noticed but I’m kind of an asshole. I don’t have many friends.”, he laughs breathily as he runs his fingers through his hair and takes a seat beside you.  “The friends I do have know about us. If I ever go somewhere work related or with any of the other officers I usually go to their places. And of course, I’m the only cop that goes to his place so…”

Your own fingers tenderly reach out to caress his cheek and run down his muscular back making him sigh as he closes his eyes. 

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah… I’m just…I’m just worried. I really don’t want him to this.”

“Would you genuinely take him in like you said?”

“I would. Which means I would most likely get arrested to.” Opening his eyes, he glances your way seeing the slight confusion as he continues. “If I just brought him, it wouldn’t be enough. I’d have to tell them how I knew it was him and then everything else but…at least he’d be safe. Unless they send him to the same place his dad is at…Fuck.”, he groans as he rubs his palms over his face.

“What would happen to me?”

His head abruptly turned at your question as he became more serious. 

“Nothing, baby. I promise. You’d be safe. Eddie has people that would watch over you for us and of course anything else you may need they can get it.”

“I need you two.”, you cry as your head hangs. “I like you both so much… I don’t want to lose you.” Steve’s arm shot out to pull you to him so he could hold you tightly to his chest. ��God, what is wrong with me? I’ve never been this, I don’t know, clingy before.”

“We tend to have that effect on women.” He laughs and pretends to flinch when you pull away to lightly slap his arm. “Does it bother you? I mean do you like it?”

“I do. It scares me a little bit sometimes. Eddie says we’re his vulnerabilities but for me…being open like this…in that particular headspace… Most men are always intimidated by me when they first meet me and lately I struggled to get past that first date. My last relationship…didn’t end well…so I put all my energy into finishing my PhD and working.”

“I can understand that. I did the same thing after my last relationship. It’s part of the reason I had the balls to go after Eddie. I did so much reconnaissance and sleuthing that I thought I had enough to bring in the leader of a mafia gang. He, uh, wasn’t what I thought he would be.”

“Kind?”

“Goofy. He told me a dad joke that made me laugh. By the time we got near the station, I didn’t want to let him go. Over the past 10 months, I’ve learned how sweet, nerdy, and adorable he can be.”

“I learned the same thing about you.” Steve scrunched his nose as he laughed at you. “I did. You were a bit of a jerk and I thought you hated me.”

“I told you I’m a jerk!”, he grinned till you both calmed down and he tenderly petted your head. “No, baby, I didn’t hate you.”

A knock on the door had you both more alert as he placed his finger over his mouth in a shushing motion while he reached for his weapon. Rising to your feet in preparation, you watched as he slowly moved towards the sound, exhaling after looking through his peephole.

Lowering his weapon, he opens the door to a disgruntled Eddie who barges through and throws his leather jacket on the couch, his face instantly softening when he sees yours. 

“Why are you crying? Is everything ok?”

You wipe your face as he hurries towards you, giving you a once over as you nod.

“Yeah, Eddie. I’m ok. We were just talking about you…how much we care about you.”

“Why are you here, Munson? Don’t you have a massacre to dictate?”

Blinking, he readjusts himself so he can address you both. 

“Steve, when you showed up at my door after Carver’s guys jumped you, it scared the hell out of me. You were in so much pain and…”, his voice cracks before clearing his throat as he continues. “I remember what it was like having the shit kicked out of me and the fact that someone had the balls to do that to someone I love; someone that’s mine. I saw red. When Jason showed up at her work threatening to do the same…Baby, I lost my fucking mind.”

“Clearly.”, Steve chided, sighing when you flashed him a stern look. “She’s not just yours, you know. It’s not solely on you to watch out for her. You don’t think when I saw him pressing up against her and calling her a whore I didn’t want to shoot that motherfucker then and there? You’re also mine, Eddie, and if I have to arrest you to keep you alive…” 

“Are you still going to go through with it? Going after Jason?”, you ask, relief washing over you when he folds his arms and shakes his head. 

“You both were right. There are other ways we can attack him without innocent people getting hurt.” The gangster’s beautiful chocolate hues glance towards you. “I’m sorry I scared you.” As your arms wrap around him, he exhales heavily into your hair as his fingers cling to you. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I’m so fucking sorry.”

“It’s ok—”

“No, it’s not.”, he scolds himself as he tilts your head back to look at him. “Don’t you ever let either of us get away with bullshit like that. It’s one thing to dominate you. It’s another to frighten you. We don’t want to do that with you.”

“So, what I’m hearing, Edward Munson, is that you need to be punished.”, Steve teases causing the other man’s eyes to playfully narrow as he bows towards his boyfriend extending his arms on either side. 

“I’m all yours, Officer.”

“Hm.”

Grinning, he steps forward, placing himself directly in front of him before forcefully turning him to face you as he pats him down. 

“God this feels so vaguely familiar.”

“Because it’s been done so many times in the past?”

“Only by you, baby.”

Steve’s face hardens as he spanks the man in front of him as he leans over his shoulder to whisper in his ear.

“Stop talking. You’re in a lot of trouble.” 

You watch with intense desire as his palm glides over the gangster’s pockets and reroutes around to the bulge in his slacks. Eddie groans as he licks his lips, his hips slightly grinding to find more friction.

“Too bad you were a bad little boy. We could have been sucking you cock right now or you could be sinking it into her tight, wet pussy. But no… you had to play big man in Hawkins, didn’t you?” When his boyfriend doesn’t answer, he spanks him again. “Didn’t you?”

“Ah, fuck. Yes.”

Abruptly grabbing his wrists, Steve handcuffs them behind Eddie’s back, guiding him towards his mattress, and tossing him stomach first onto his bed. 

“Can you do me a favor, sweet girl?”

Stepping closer to him, you allow him to murmur instructions to you making you nod before lightly kissing his lips. After completely disrobing, you climb on to the bed in front of Eddie and per the officer’s instructions, open your legs wide for him to see.

“Fuck, angel. You’re so fucking beautiful.”, he compliments in a strained tone as the other man reached underneath him to remove the gangster pants and boxers. 

“Yeah? You like my pussy, baby?” Scooting a bit closer to him, you bite your bottom lip and grin as he nods, tilting his head to kiss your inner thigh. As his kisses trail further up towards your legs, you push yourself back, denying him what he desperately wants. “Oh, I’m sorry. Officer Harrington said you weren’t allowed.”

Steve smirks over his shoulder as he listens to Eddie whine while hanging his head.

“No, hey, keep your eyes on her.”, he scolds, gripping his jaw and forcing his head up.

The long-haired boy groans as your fingers glide effortlessly through your folds, the sound of your wetness making him harder as he tries to relieve the pressure by rutting into the mattress. His boyfriend roughly loops his arms through his own, bringing his back to his chest as he guides his cock into his entrance. 

“Fuck, baby, that’s it.”

You had never really been privy to seeing them be sexually intimate and you never initiated any of that in the bedroom. You wanted them to feel comfortable especially since you were the newcomer to the relationship and dynamic. Seeing them now as Steve slammed his hips into Eddie’s, lifting and holding his upper half with his arms alone as the gangster practically drooled mewling his name; it was the sexist thing you had ever seen. 

A small cry left your throat as you pushed two of your fingers into your needy hole.

“Aw, look what you’re doing to her, honey. She wants your mouth in her cunt so bad. I bet you do to, huh?”

“I-I—fuck—I’m sorry.”, he sighed exasperatingly. 

“I’m sure you are.” Pulling out, he smacked his ass before bouncing on to the bed on his back and man handling his boyfriend till he was positioned over his cock. “You better ride my dick fucking hard.” Holding the base, both men moaned as he lowered himself on to his firm length and did what he commanded. “Mmm—fuck—come here, Y/N.”

After crawling over to him, he tugged your arm and shifted your body till you were sitting directly on his face. 

“I got you, baby.”

Steve wasted no time, his fingers digging into your thighs as his thick, masterful tongue went to work. Eddie watched you both with glassy, lust filled eyes as he bounced and grinded on the man he loved. Leaning towards him, you couldn’t help but capture his lips and was surprised when the officer allowed it. 

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I really am. Fuck, his cock feels so fucking good.”

“I forgive you, Eddie. I forgive you. YES! Steve, please. I need him.”

His hold around you tightened as he shook his head between your legs, his lips making obscene slurping sounds as he flicked his tongue against your clit at an overwhelming pace. 

Panting, your body trembled as you came as his tongue continued with its assault, elongating your high. After a soft kiss to your thigh and a firm tap of your ass, you climbed off him, waiting for instruction. Sitting up, he grabbed Eddie’s cheeks and kissed him passionately making the gangster groan at the taste of you on his boyfriend’s mouth. 

“I’m sorry, Steve. You know how I am sometimes.”

“Hot headed? Stubborn? A pain in my ass?” They both chuckled softly, the officer running his thumb along his lips. “We talk to each other right? Figure things out together.”

“Yeah, baby, we do.”

“ALL of us. That includes her now. She makes us stronger.”

“Yeah, she does.”, Eddie smiled as he glanced your way wishing he could touch you. 

Giving him one final kiss, Steve leans back and pats his lower stomach. 

“Come here, honey.” Taking his hand, you let him direct you till you were straddling him with the other man’s cock teasing your pussy lips. “You’ll have to slide back on him but he should be able to do the rest.”

Nodding your head, you reach behind you to hold his length as you guide him inside of you. 

“Oh my fucking God.”, Eddie growls as you mewl at the stretch. 

Steve’s large palms grip your hips as his boyfriend start’s bouncing and thrusting his own. 

“Does that feel good, Y/N?”

“S-So good.”

“Shit. You’re both so fucking sexy That’s it. Just let go and take it like a good girl.”

Your breasts hang perfectly in front of his face and when his mouth attaches to your nipple, your pussy clenches around Eddie making him whimper as he picks up his pace. 

“Please, Eddie. Make me cum.”

As he does his best to honor your request while restrained, Steve licks his thumb and massages your clit driving you crazy as you push up and lean against the gangster’s chest. You feel him grunt into your shoulder as he releases inside of you, you following as you moan his name into the ceiling. After lightly spanking you, you collapse to the side and watch as Eddie falls forward knowing the man he loves will be there as Steve cups his cheeks and thrusts roughly upwards chasing his own high. 

“That’s it, Eddie, baby. Take it, take it, take it. That’s my good boy. Fuck.”

They both groan as the man underneath him thrusts his spend deep inside of him, his mouth falling open as he pants against his lips. 

“I love you so much, Steven, fuck. I love you.”

As the gangster croons into his neck and they continue to whisper admiration for each other, you tip toe towards the officer’s set of keys and quietly reappear to free him. His palms promptly come to pet the boy’s head, kissing his forehead before playfully wrapping his arms around you and dragging you over Steve to place you between them.

A warm feeling washes over you as both men roll on to their side to nuzzle their noses against your cheeks as they hold you. 

You aren’t sure when you fell asleep or for how long but the strong, delicious smell of pasta caused your eyes to flutter open. Eddie was still knocked out beside you but due to the small space you could see Steve with his bare back to you in sweats at the stove. One of his shirts had been placed by the bed and you smiled as you slid it on, shuffling towards him. 

“Hey you. I’m making dinner if you’re hungry.” His grin grows when you nod, turning his attention back to his sizzling pan. Hopping up, on to the nearby stool by his counter, you notice a file with Jason’s name on it.

“May I?”

Glancing that way, he hesitates for only a moment before giving his approval. 

The file itself was thick with photos and notes of Carver’s gang showing that the officer really did take his job seriously as you browsed through the details. Kind of like Eddie his father passed the reigns to his son Jason but unlike him, his father was still out and walking freely. He seemed to still have a bit of sway when it came to the clan itself but otherwise he trusted his son. He had been running things for a couple of years before Eddie took over and due to the change Steve noted a few things you found disturbing.

“Hey. Put that down and try this.”  You smile as he holds a spoon to your lips and he beams with pride when make a tiny yum noise as he turns back around. “My mom was actually a pretty good cook. She taught me a thing or two.”

“Jesus Christ, it smells good in here.”, Eddie announced, grabbing a desk chair and sliding obnoxiously loud over to you two making you laugh. While tilting up to kiss you, he yanks the file from your grasp. “Bad Officer Harrington. Letting her snoop.”

“She’s not snooping. She asked and I said it was alright.”

“I’m glad you’re not going after him, Ed. There’s some things in there…”

“Yeah. Jason Carver is a prick. I’m surprised his dad lets him get away with half the shit he does but unless George Carver deems you worthy so to speak he doesn’t give a damn.”

Your head shot up as an idea hit you. 

“Wait a second, Hawkins does a charity thing every year where the wealthy show up to throw money at causes to make them feel better about themselves.”

“Yeah, my parents go to that.”, Steve replied with a hint of sarcasm you didn’t miss. 

“My dad was always invited but never went. He never felt the need to pretend to be a good man.”

“But that’s why I never went. I had heard that the head of the Carver’s attended.” They both continue to stare at you with confused eyes causing you to let out a frustrated sigh as you rise to your feet. “The sponsors of that party have funds for Hawkins medical funds but the bulk of it goes to that general hospital. I’m still always invited…if I wanted to mingle with the donors…make an impression… Come on, guys.”

“Honey, just say what’s on your mind.”

“I can go with Eddie and we can talk to Jason’s dad. Maybe somehow convince him to get his son to leave us alone.”

They exchange a look before the gangster finally speaks. 

“Y/N, sweetheart, that means you’d have be seen with me and not just by the Carvers. My team, a few of our friends, and apparently Jason somehow knows about Steve but otherwise he’s hidden. If we go to this event with you on my arm, EVERYONE will know.”

“Including the police, baby. Which means you could have more eyes on you and pressure pushed when it comes to him.”

Your head hangs as you fiddle with your fingers. 

“I would never turn you over or tell them anything. I swear…”

“No, honey.”, Steve quickly explains. “We aren’t worried about that. We just don’t want you to be uncomfortable. Of course, we can protect you in that regard from getting into any kind of legal trouble.”

“Your family and friends will have something to say—”

“I don’t have much family and I work 24/7 so I don’t have time for friends. Honestly, the only thing I care about is that clinic, my patients, and you two.” The genuinely smile at that last bit making you blush. “I do. I care about you very much. It’s been a long time since I felt like I wasn’t just coasting through life. These past couple of weeks I’ve really enjoyed having someone to talk to, to hold me, even just hear someone tell me I’m fucking beautiful.”

Eddie gets to his feet and tenderly kisses your lips.

“You are beautiful, angel. Ok, I need to take you shopping so we can get you a new dress.”

“Oh, you don’t have to—”

“I know I don’t HAVE to. I want to.”, he grins. “We need to go over some rules and things if we are going to pull this off. “

“I can come to. Since my parents are attending, it wouldn’t be odd for me to be there and I can keep an eye on you two.”

“My knight in shining handcuffs and a holster gun.” Steve sticks out his tongue as Eddie giggles like a little kid. “Alright, princess, this won’t be the last time I ask but are you sure you want to do this?”

Your gaze shifts between them as a heavy sigh exits from your lungs. 

“I’m sure.”

###############

@5tud10-54r4h @munsonzgf @eddiesguitarskills @supraveng

@lilaclazer @ima1986 @micheledawn1975 @foreverminliv @corkadymu

@lemme-slytherin-that-dick @joannamuns9n @dashingdeb16 @sashaphantomhive

[supernaturalgirl20]

Letting Go

Pairings: Joel Miller x f!reader

Warnings: Angst, cursing, light smut, unprotected sex, talking about the past, hurt feelings, Joel being mean, fluff. Contains spoilers for episode 6.

Summary: you think Joel doesn’t care, the problem is, he cares too much.

A/N: wrote this in an hour so forgive any mistakes. Still can’t get episode 6 out of my head and I had to write this.

Comments and reblogs really appreciated 🥰

You knew his past. His losses. His guilt. How he shut himself off from the world once the outbreak happened and you were happy with your lot when a close partnership turned into something more.

Warmth on a cold night and a body to lose yourself in when shit got rough, which if you were honest with yourself, happened more times than not.

What you didn’t know was how he truly felt. About Tess dying, about Tommy leaving, about Ellie and the possibility of a cure, you didn’t even know if he felt anything for you beyond lust. Joel held everything in revealing nothing of the man he truly was.

You’d grown used to it. Used to him never showing an ounce of emotion other than anger. That all changed the night you made it to Jackson.

***

Ellie had stood, eyes flickering around the hall as she began to follow Tommy, abandoning the movie that was showing. Her curiosity getting the better of her as usual and unable to shake the anxious feeling that settled in your stomach, you followed her.

The cold air hit you like a frate train and your whole body shuddered as you emerged from the hall, pulling your jacket up over your mouth. Turning the corner onto the main street you stop in your tracks when you spot Ellie standing outside one of the small buildings, ears glued to the door.

Your gut told you that Tommy and Joel were inside and from the look on her face, they’d been talking about her. Suddenly she rushes off with tears in her eyes and you instinctively want to run after her, comfort her but you need to know what they were talking about.

Pressing your ear against the door, you can make out the muffled sound of Joel’s voice. He’s crying. A fact that completely tilts you off axis. Joel never cries. At least not that you’ve ever seen. Your heart begins to break.

“I just know that when I wake up. I’ve lost somethin’. I’m failin’ in my sleep, that’s all do. It’s all I’ve ever done is fail her, again and again.”

The strangled sob he lets out at the end obliterates whatever remains of your shattered heart and all you wanna do is hold him close until you’ve mended him. Put every broken piece of him back together until he can see his worth.

He asks Tommy to take Ellie to the fireflies and you are suddenly hit with a wave of anger. How can he so easily let her go? You know she means something to him even if he is unwilling to admit it to himself.

Unable to listen anymore, you turn and march back to the house Maria had set up for you all. Maybe Joel could leave her but you couldn’t.

***

As soon as you open the door you can hear her sniffling from upstairs. With a glance around the house, you decided to make some of the tea Maria had left you and bring a cup up to Ellie. Your mom always said that tea solves everything.

Maybe not this, but it couldn’t hurt.

“Can I come in?” You ask as you stand outside her door, two cups of tea in hand. You're met with silence and just as you're about to turn and leave, Ellie slowly opens the door.

Her eyes are red and puffy from crying and you smile softly down at her as you hand her a cup. “Thought you might like some tea. It warms the soul or so they say.”

She smiles at you as she wipes the tears from her eyes and takes the cup from your hand. “Thanks.”

She moves away from the door but leaves it open, an invitation to follow. With the door closed gently behind you, you make your way over to the bed, taking a seat as Ellie sits in the window seat.

The room is quiet. Neither one of you says anything as you sip your tea. You want her to be the first to talk.

“You followed me didn’t you?” Her voice is strained from crying as she turns her gaze to you.

“Yeah, M’sorry I just-I was worried about you…”

“It’s ok. You don't have to apologise.” She quiets again and her gaze drifts back to the cup in her hands. Standing you make your way over to her and take a seat beside her pulling her close.

“He’s going to leave me. Everyone leaves me..” she trails off as she cuddles into you. “I’m not leaving you. I promise.” You squeeze her arm as you pull her closer and you both just sit like that for a moment until the sound of footsteps can be heard ascending the stairs.

The door opens and Ellie’s gaze snaps towards Joel. The expression on his face is hard to read but you know he knows that Ellie heard what he said.

He tells her how old he is and how she would only be in danger if she went with him. That she was better off without him. The whole time you hold her close to your side until she pulls away and storms over to him.

“I’m sorry about your daughter Joel, but I’ve lost people too.” You can tell from the set of his shoulders that she’s hit a nerve.

“You have no idea what loss is.” His voice is an equal mixture of hurt and anger as he towers over her. The urge to step in gets more prominent as the conversation continues.

“Everybody I have cared for has either died or left me. Everybody, fucking except for you.” She shouts as she pushes against isn’t his chest. “So don’t tell me that I’d be safer with somebody else because the truth is I would just be more scared.”

The room is silent for a moment but then Joel turns his gaze back towards Ellie, his voice void of emotions as he stares her down. “You’re right. You’re not my daughter. And I sure as hell ain’t your dad.”

He turns and storms out, slamming the door behind him and Ellie stands motionless as her gaze remains on where he had just stood. You walk up behind her and hug her close. “It’s gonna be ok, I promise. And I know Joel didn’t mean what he said. He’s just emotional right now. I think everything is finally catching up to him. Just get some rest and we’ll take off in the morning, ok?”

Your voice is above a whisper as you give her one last squeeze, Ellie’s nod confirming that she’d heard you and then you leave to find Joel.

***

It doesn’t take long. He had made his way into the other bedroom and was sitting on the bed with his head between his hands when you opened the door.

He didn’t acknowledge you. Didn’t even lift his head as you slowly walked towards him, dropping to your knees and nestling yourself between his open legs.

Your hands rub along his arms as you pull them away from his face and when his gaze meets yours, you can see the unshed tears. Oh, Joel.

You reach up and wipe a rogue tear that has fallen down his cheek and his eyes close at the contact as he sinks his cheek into your embrace. “What’s going on Joel? Why are you just leaving her with Tommy?” You ask even though you already know the answer. You just don’t want him to know you heard his conversation with his brother.

“I’m old. I’m deaf. And I can’t shoot for shit anymore and you know that. She’s better off without me. So are you.” His tone has changed and you know that this is how he deals with his feelings. Buries them deep inside and pretends that he doesn’t care.

“And you think Tommy is gonna be able to take care of her? The brother who didn’t even care enough to tell you he was ok? Joel, you may be older but he ain’t gonna give a shit about Ellie, not like you. So when things get hard, and they will, he’s gonna cut loose and run home to Maria.”

His eyes darken and his jaw ticks as he stares down at you, the softness from a moment ago long gone.

“You don’t know Tommy. Hell, you don’t even know me. You don’t know what I’ve been through, what I’ve done. Not really.” His tone is angry now but you’re not giving in.

“And whose fault is that? We’ve been together for years and I’ve tried to get you to open up but every time you get close, you clam up. I know you blame yourself for Sarah.”

He stands at the mention of her name pushing you off him and moving to the other side of the room, trying to put as much distance as he can between you both.

“Don’t. Mention her name. You don’t know shit. And we ain’t together. You were just a warm body to bury myself in, Nothin’ else. Don’t go thinkin’ you mean anything to me, 'cause you don’t.” He snaps, his whole body tense as he breathes raggedly.

Your chest tightens at his harsh words but after hearing him with Tommy earlier, you know he doesn’t mean it. That he just wants to push you away.

“I know that you have done terrible things to survive because that’s what needed to be done. I know that Tess’ death hit you hard because she was like family. I know you care for Ellie like a daughter but are afraid to admit it because you think you’re replacing Sarah.”

You try to step closer but he pulls back. “Tess was family. Been with me since the beginning and she knew how it was. How I was. You thought, what, that you were different? That I’d care for you? That I’d love you? Well hate to break it to you darlin’, I don’t. Never have, never will.”

Your heart aches. Your chest hurts. And all you wanna do is cry. His words cut deep even though that small voice in the back of your head is telling you he means the exact opposite.

A strangled sob slips past your lips and your body begins to tremble. Something that seems to snap Joel from his trance. He moves fast. Wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you close, his face buried into the crook of your neck as he breathes you in.

“M’sorry, baby. I didn’t mean it…I didn’t…” his voice breaks as fresh tears roll down his cheeks and you run your fingers through his hair as you shush him. “It’s ok. I know. I know. Let’s just lay down, and get some rest.”

He nods his head as you pull away and guide him toward the bed, helping him out of his shirt and trousers, leaving him in only his boxers. He doesn’t argue that it’s safer to stay dressed because he needs to be close to you.

You help him under the covers before stripping off, throwing on his shirt and slipping under into bed with him. He pulls you close. His breath is hot on your skin as he whispers into the shell of your ear. “I do you know, love you.”

Your breath catches. You had long thought you’d never hear him utter those words. Turning in his embrace you kiss his lips softly. “I know you do. And I love you too.”

It’s silent as you take in the feature of his face, illuminated by the faint light coming through the curtains. “I heard you earlier….talking to Tommy. I didn’t mean to, I just….I know you blame yourself for Sarah but Joel, that wasn’t your fault. None of it was. Not Sarah, not Tess, none of it.”

You run your fingers along the stubble on his cheek. “I know you care about Ellie, that she’s like a daughter to you and Joel, that’s ok. It’s ok to feel like that. To care. I know I didn’t know Sarah but I know she wouldn’t want you to be like this. She’d want you to be happy.”

“I just can’t fail her. I failed Sarah. I can’t do it again.” His grip on your waist tightens.

“You won’t because you have me this time. I’m gonna be with you every step of the way. No matter what.”

His lips crash into yours as he lays you back in the bed, nestling himself between your thighs. You can feel him hard beneath his boxers and you know what he needs. What he’s always needed.

“I love you darlin’. M’sorry it took so long to say it.” His lips leave a trail of hot kisses along your neck as he pulls at the buttons in your shirt. His shirt.

You slip your hand between you both and beneath the band of his boxers, feeling the weight of his cock in your hand as you pump him slowly. He groans into your chest as his breathing hitches. “Need you, darlin’.”

“Then take me. I’m yours.” You whimper and he shudders above you as he shucks off his boxers. “Need me to get you ready, baby?” He asks through ragged breaths.

You shake your head. “Are ya sure?”

“I’m sure. Please, Joel. Need to feel you.” Pulling your panties to the side he lines up the head of his cock to your entrance and sinks himself into you slowly, groaning at the feeling of your tight walls stretching to accommodate him.

He moves above you, rolling his hips into you slowly, savouring the feeling of you wrapped around him. Something you don’t normally have time for.

Through soft whimpers and low moans, he works you through orgasm as he seeks his release, grunting loudly into your neck as he comes apart above you. Both too lost in each other to realise he’s come inside you.

The weight of the day begins to take hold and you feel yourself slowly succumb to sleep. You whimper as he pulls out, feeling empty without him as he walks through to the en-suite and grabs a washcloth to clean you with.

Slipping under the covers once more he pulls you flush to his chest, draping his arm over your waist. “We should get some sleep. Gonna be a long trek to the fireflies,” he mutters as he drifts further into sleep.

You can’t help the smile that works its way onto your face. Turns out, Joel Miller does care.

Everything: @maievdenoir @amneris21 @hnt-escape @elegantduckturtle @harriedandharassed @jediknight122 @ayrusss @hayley-the-comet @sherala007 @alexxavicry @scorpio-marionette @donnaa @practicalghost @tanzthompson @beskarprincessjenny @littlemisspascal @icanbeyourjedi @thatpinkshirt @maryfanson @sunnshineeexoxo @misspearly1 @misspearlssideblog @athalien @its--fandom--darling @sara-alonso @doommommy @browneyes-issac @trickstersp8 @nembees @kaitieskidmore1 @mswarriorbabe80 @allthe-ships @tintinn16 @hungrhay @rosie-posie08 @manuymesut @all-the-way-down-here @iccedays @tusk89 @graciexmarvel @pedrostories @musings-of-a-rose @untitledarea @your-voice-is-mellifluous @majestyjade @avengersfan25

[shadamyheadcanons]

Do you have any ideas for how Shadow and Amy’s relationship would change if Sonic had managed to get Shadow back on the ark in SA2? I’m working on my own little self-indulgent fic myself, but I’d be curious to hear your thoughts.

Interesting thought! See, this is a tricky one for me because they canonically act like his brush with death never happened, which is super weird.

There should have been a scene on the ARK where Amy was really upset and possibly even cried after it happened, maybe blaming herself for encouraging him.

There should have been a scene in Sonic Heroes where she latched onto him and gushed about how relieved she was to see him alive while he just stared at her like “???” because he still had amnesia.

She should have been the one to reach out and befriend him, and he should have accepted; not only does she remind him of his late best friend, but she’s seen him at his most murderous and still supported him unconditionally.

She should be even clingier with him than she is with her other friends after what happened. She should have been right with him all throughout Shadow the Hedgehog (2005), guiding him and keeping an eye on him the way one would expect given her personality.

And...maybe this is controversial, buuuuut...it’s always felt a little arbitrary to me that he wound up spending a ton of time with Rouge and Omega and basically none with Amy.

I’m not saying I have a problem with Team Dark. I adore their dynamic and I’m glad he has them, but it kind of feels like they just happened to be there. Sure, he got along with Rouge alright for much of SA2, but she seriously hurt him by spying on him--something she’s never apologized for, as far as I know--and she left him behind to help the others get to the Cannon’s Core.

And that, I think, is where the biggest difference would be.

Shadow isn’t the forgiving type. By the time he’d regained his memories in canon and remembered how she’d betrayed his trust, she’d proven in the interim that she’s ultimately a good and loyal friend. If she hadn’t had that chance, I don’t think she could’ve gotten her foot in the door so easily. And if Shadow hadn’t fallen, he wouldn’t have been picked up by Eggman, so he wouldn’t have met Omega. In fact, I’d go even further than that. Team Dark’s opening cutscene in Sonic Heroes implies that Omega’s there strictly to guard Shadow. Not only that, but I’ve always gotten the impression that that’s why Omega was created in the first place. Mephiles all but confirms this in Sonic 06 by pointing out Omega is perfectly built to defeat and capture Shadow.

“This only proves you were created to stop Shadow, the ultimate life form. Don’t tell you didn’t know.”

So Omega would probably never have been built, at least not in his current form :(

With our favorite murder robot out of the picture and Shadow not trusting Rouge, Team Dark would be kaput, and Shadow really needs someone who’ll reach out to him.

And we all know it would be Amy, right?

It’s not even conjecture. In Sonic Battle, she eagerly seeks him out, even getting irritated when Rouge keeps her away:

On top of that, Amy latches onto Shadow because he’s a hero. I’ve pointed this out before, but the second Shadow becomes the protagonist in ShTH, she’s smitten with him...

...and the same happens in IDW issue 59:

And we can’t leave out The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog:

The social media team gets it.

She’s got a subtle little crush on him already imo even with the few interactions they have. If Amy spent lots of time with Shadow, that little crush could grow to rival another crush of hers ;)

As for Shadow, if she’d reached out to him right away without the time gap from his amnesia, I think his feelings for her--romantic or otherwise--would have been fostered and allowed to grow, fueled by his gratitude. She changed his entire life and would have introduced positivity and companionship into his world. You can’t not feel strongly about someone who does that for you.

Fandom-wise, Shadamy is already extremely popular considering how little time they’ve spent together in canon. It’s the third most popular game ship on AO3, only beaten by Sonamy and Sonadow.

There are more fics for Shadamy than Knuxouge. That’s kind of ridiculous, right?! Shadow and Amy have maybe ten minutes of screentime together! I also think Shadow might have gotten along better with Sonic if he’d gone right from saving the world with him to becoming one of Amy’s favorite people, so I’m willing to bet Sonamyshad would’ve skyrocketed in popularity, too. Not my cup of tea, but I know a lot of other fans like it.

Or...more interestingly...Shadow could’ve been really pissed once he saw up close and personal just how often Sonic ran away from Amy. The Dark Era right after SA2 was when it was worst, too. I imagine Shadow would be furious if he knew the full extent of how badly his favorite hedgehog was being treated. He could have been a godsend for her. You think he’d have put up with this if he’d seen it?

(Tangentially, I think it’s weird that Knuckles was fine with this stuff. I think of him and Amy as sibling-adjacent at times, but sometimes I feel like I have to fudge some details to make it work.)

And how many times did Sonic hurt her or make her cry back in the day?

Shadow’s punched Sonic for less than that. He’s way too loyal to sit there and watch while someone hurts his sweet, kindhearted best friend.

People think of Amy as the clingiest Sonic character, but I 100% believe Shadow rivals her in that respect. I really do. He nearly destroyed the Earth for a friend he knew for less than a year. He latched onto Team Dark like a security blanket the second he was dropped on their doorstep. He would have done the same for Amy, and she really could have benefited from that loyalty. Amy lashed out in that era because of frustration and insecurity from being repeatedly snubbed by her favorite person. I honestly think someone stable and steadfast like Shadow was exactly who she needed. He really could have turned her life around and gotten her the respect she deserved, either by standing up for her or proving to her that she deserved better.

And I definitely think he could have dealt with the Black Arms’ invasion much better if he’d had Amy to help guide him through it. She’s reminded him of who he is before. The Miracle of Love ending proves without a doubt that she could do it again.

It would have been great for both of them. I’m sad Sega never let them have that.

Also, Shadow standing up for Amy and later dating her would make this weird scene from Archie #149 absolutely hilarious:

Granted, that applies to shadamy in general.

Ken Penders & Friends: “Ha, wouldn’t it be hilarious if we had Sonic make a skeevy, totally age-appropriate comment in our kids’ comic about Shadow ‘finding a girl?’”

Shadow: “I found Amy Rose”

Sega: “THAT’S NOT FUNNY”

Sonic: “Idk, I think it’s kinda funny :) ”

Penders: “I have never played a Sonic game”

[luxheroica]

I wrote Wyll/Karlach, inspired by this art. I have been shipping them hard for months and knew I needed to contribute to the ship in some way. Also on AO3.

Tonight the camp is drunk on success and copious amounts of wine. There is still hardship and danger on the road ahead, not least for those who still bear the tadpoles in their heads. For tonight the goblins are gone and the druids ritual halted, the wine is sweet and the fire bright and that is enough to banish thoughts of darkness ahead. 

The bard Alfira has struck up a string of country dances on her lute, the kind of songs played at festivals and weddings for all to join. Wyll, in good humor and more than incidentally tipsy, joins the first one– a circle dance that has him linking arms with Lia on his left and Zorru on his right as they careen faster and faster around the roaring bonfire. 

There is something liberatory about dancing among the tieflings. None of them stare at his horns (still heavy on his head) or his strange eyes, instead taking them in stride. 

Wyll is the only one among the group that he has privately begun to think of as ‘companions’ to join the dance. Tav snuck off some time ago to find a private tent with Gale. Astarion is skulking around somewhere with a bottle of wine. Lae’zel scorned the idea of any revelry and has gone to bed, and Shadowheart in rare sympatico with the gith has also retired early. 

He is surprised not to see Karlach among the party– until he turns and sees her at the edge of the firelight, drinking out of a flask and watching the dancing, her feet tapping along with the music. 

The song comes to an end with a repetition that is so fast it nearly has all of them tripping over their own feet. Wyll has to catch his breath when at last the lute sings out its last note, and the gathered tieflings break out in applause. 

He excuses himself from the fireside and finds Karlach, who tips her drink at him and nods when he approaches. 

“You don’t wish to join the dancing?”

“Oh, ah,” Karlach shifts on her feet. She’s always in motion, he’s noticed, whether she’s fidgeting or pacing around the camp. “I don’t really feel like setting anybody on fire tonight. Plus I don’t know any of the dances.” As if sensing she’s brought the mood down she grins at Wyll. “You looked like you were having fun though.” 

“It was quite fun,” Wyll says, eyeing Karlach, who is watching the firelight circle with half an eye. “Most of these dances don’t have complicated steps– they’re easy to learn, if you follow what everyone else is doing you’re more than halfway there.” 

“Doesn’t solve the problem of me turning that whole line dance into kindling.” 

She’s keeping her tone light, joking and grinning, like she doesn’t really care that she can’t ever touch anyone without harming them. 

Wyll follows her lead in this. “I’ve got a nice sturdy pair of leather gloves,” he cajoles, pushing her just a little. “And Mizora’s present should make me at least a little resistant to infernal fire.” 

Karlach grins again, softening a little this time. “Don’t worry about me, soldier– I’m all left feet, you get me out there I’ll just careen into everything. Get out there and enjoy yourself.” 

Wyll doesn’t believe that– well, he does believe the part about her careening, she seems like the type to careen– but he doesn’t believe that she truly wants him to leave her to go enjoy dancing. Karlach puts up a good front, but were he in her shoes he would want nothing more than the simple things that had been so long denied him. 

He fishes in his pouch and draws out his pair of sturdy leather gloves which he slides over his hands, like a courtier drawing on his silk gloves so that he might offer a hand to a lady, then bends at the waist in his very best courtly bow. That it is a little out of practice he thinks she will forgive, especially when an irrepressible laugh burbles up out of her. 

Wyll winks, and Karlach laughs again. 

“Well, my lady?” Wyll asks. “May I have this dance.” 

She’s grinning truthfully now, as she takes his hand. There’s a bit of heat, like he might feel pulling a pan from the oven, but it’s shielded by the leather. “You may,” Karlach says, a laugh still at the back of her throat. 

Wyll pulls her towards the firelight. Careful to give her enough space that any careening won’t be a danger, but still within the flickering orange glow of it. A few of the tieflings look at them and grin when they join. There’s a new tune starting up– he knows this one, a sprightly hop meant to be danced with a single partner. 

“This one isn’t complicated, just follow my steps,” Wyll murmurs to Karlach as he begins twirling her around the fire. At first she is clumsy, all left feet as she said, but after a few turns she starts to anticipate the little skip-hop on the third beat. Wyll smiles. “There, you’re getting it.” 

Karlach shakes her head, still grinning. “You’re playing with fire, you know that right?” 

Wyll meets her eyes. Grins right back. “Wouldn’t be the first time.” He sends her out in a spin, and her laugh echoes all the way to the sky above. 

They whirl around the bonfire, until the flames become embers and the music slows and they all at last stumble off drunk and sleepy to bed. Wyll’s thick leather gloves are covered in scorch marks, but he considers it worth the sacrifice to see Karlach’s soft smile when at last the dancing finishes for the night. 

There will be danger on the morrow, but for tonight his heart is warm. 

[lovemikage]

𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬 ; 𝐠. 𝐫𝐢𝐳𝐳𝐨 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

a/n — i am…rusty so forgive me that this is so short! but i wanted to get smth out for my shawties and bc my gil brainrot is sooooo bad .. anyway enjoy! pink lady!reader, reader is latina, fem!reader <3 for @cyansadness sorry this took like eight million years </3

summary — a look into your relationship with your favorite boy, gil rizzo.

wc — 620

“hey hey hey, did’ya really think i’d let you get out without me doin’ it for you? c’mon, get back in.”

your boyfriend’s eyebrows are knit together tightly in a way you could think of as disappointed if it wasn’t for the little smirk playing at his lips.

you give him a long look, one eyebrow raised because seriously? he cannot be serious right now.

but he is, and you both stare at each other for a moment before you let out a dramatic groan and clamber back into the driver’s side of your car.

“y’know, rizzo —“ you speak as you duck back in, closing the door and clasping your hands politely in your lap, “if you had just picked me up then we wouldn’t even be havin’ this problem—“

“—that’s not my fault!” gil’s response comes out faster than you can even finish your sentence, his tone laced with offense, “i had to drop betty off today! and she was very upset she couldn’t see you, by the way, talked my ear off the entire drive about how it wasn’t fair that she ‘had to be stuck with her idiot brother and not his cool girlfriend’. personally i think it’s gotta be that time of the month or somethin’ because—“

gil cuts himself off the second he sees the glare you give him, immediately holding his hands up, “sorry, sorry! i’ll stop talking, i should definitely stop talking.”

“proud of you, you never realize it that quickly.” you grin, watching him open your car door and reaching your hand out in a very practiced gesture. the feel of his larger hand holding yours is familiar, comforting, and you can’t help but feel your face heat up at the touch. quickly you deflect, “and make sure to tell betty i’ll take her out for a manicure soon. no icky boys invited.”

gil holds his heart as if he’s been shot and the giggle it pulls from you is completely unintentional.

how annoying. you’ve been with gil for how long and he still makes you feel like a little girl writing “mrs. richie valdovinos <3” in your diary (if anyone reminds gil of this he might kill them).

gil closes the door behind you and you smile up at him, already turning so he can help you put your favorite article of clothing on — your pretty pink jacket. nancy had even added a sweet heart next to your name, as per your request (though she had to let you know she hated it).

“thank you, amor.” you grin, going onto your tip toes so you can press a soft kiss to his lips. his hands come to rest on your waist and when you pull back the bright blush on his cheeks is evident in spite of his efforts to hide it. you like him like this, vulnerable and sweet and hopelessly lovesick.

the second your lips touch again you pause, leaning back to raise an eyebrow at him, “baby, what time is it?”

“two thirty, pretty girl, why?”

“god dammit, i’ve got class — walk me there?”

gil shoots you a grin that reminds you of the day you two met and you fell in love, nodding and quickly spinning you so you two can start walking.

his hand finds its way to what seems like its forever home, the back pocket of your blue jeans, and you feel your heart flutter in your chest; it’s a feeling you don’t think you’ll ever get used to, but to you that’s not a bad thing.

it just means that gil rizzo will always have the annoyingly endearing ability to make you remember exactly why you fell in love in the first place.

tagging some of my rotpl babes (i’m sorry if you didn’t wanna be tagged but I figured you’d like it </3): @sirenlulls @angeltails @fabiolajyx

[4townie]

Road to 4☆TOWN

part 31 | part 32 | part 33 | part 34 | part 35 | part 36 | part 37 | part 38

Warning: Strong language

Robaire read over the half finished lyrics to the song he’d been working on, finding himself completely stumped. His pity party was interrupted by the doorbell. Robaire rushed to the door. “Jan—” He frowned. “Oh. Hey, Aaron.”

“Hey.” Z leaned on the doorframe. “I know it’s been a while since we’ve spoken, but T tells me you’re really into that girl from the hotel.”

“I mean, if you ever picked up a magazine, he wouldn’t have to tell you.” Robaire rolled his eyes. “But yeah. I am. What of it?”

Aaron held up his Polaroid camera. “I’ve got photos to show you.” He stepped inside. “Your girl…she’s got long legs, pineapple hair, wears lots of mini skirts. Amirite?”

“Uh, yeah.” Robaire looked at him in confusion. “How do you remember all that? You only saw her once.”

“I cross referenced with one of those magazines I never pick up.” Aaron raised an eyebrow. “She looked familiar when I saw her. I wasn’t sure at first, but now I am.”

“Sure of what? When did you see her?” Robaire asked.

“Olivia’s staying with us while my parents are in Aruba. She insisted we take her and Tae to the park to feed the ducks.” Aaron handed him the Polaroids. “That’s when I spotted her.”

Robaire shifted through the pictures. He could clearly see Janelle smiling and holding hands with some other guy, but he couldn’t believe his eyes. “She’s still seeing him…?” He felt a pang in his chest. “I thought…I thought he broke her heart. I thought I was the one healing her.”

“Hate to be the bearer of bad news.” Aaron shrugged. “We tried to tell you she was bad for you, man. Everyone could see it but you.”

“That’s not really helping.” Robaire shot him a glare. “I just…” he sighed and plopped onto the couch. “I thought I had a good thing going here. But this whole time I really was just a sucker. I was always her second choice.”

Aaron’s eyes shifted awkwardly. “Isn’t Jesse the one you usually go to with these problems?”

“UGH, what am I supposed to tell Jesse?” Robaire groaned. “I was being such a jerk to him but he was right all along. And my parents…” He faceplanted into a couch pillow. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to face anyone. I just feel like a total fool. How could she play me like this?”

Aaron looked between Robaire and the door, debating whether or not he should just leave him to his feelings. He sighed and sat on the floor beside him. “Listen, I get it. You must’ve been excited to have a life outside of 4☆TOWN. You just wanted us all to be happy and support you.” He shook his head. “I know it sucks a lot, but it’s not your fault.”

“It’s definitely my fault.” Robaire said quietly. “It was spelled out for me so many times but I chose to ignore it.” He stared at the photos. “Last time we spoke, we got into an argument. She told me she couldn’t be with another liar and yet…she’s the one lying to me. And here I was writing her a love song, trying to figure out how to make it up to her and she just—…” He scoffed and tossed the photos aside. “I’m such an idiot.”

“Well, I’m not gonna tell you this isn’t stupid cuz that’d be a lie.” Aaron admitted.

“Wow, thanks.” Robaire rolled his eyes. “I’m pouring my heart out to you and you tell me I’m stupid.”

“You didn’t let me finish.” Aaron narrowed his eyes. “I was going to say that even though you were being dumb, you can’t victim blame. She was manipulative and she played with your feelings and she knew exactly what she was doing. That’s a pretty fucked up thing to do to someone.” He looked over at Robaire, who was busy staring at a picture of Janelle sadly. Aaron sighed and got up. “You can stay here and feel sorry for yourself. And you can forgive her and look past it if you want. But the Robaire I know, the same jackass that stood up to our manager to protect Jesse, wouldn’t let someone like this win a fight. He’s too strong for that.” He shrugged before letting himself out.

Robaire shook his head when he was alone again. “I wish I knew where that guy was right now.”

[cyberr-v0id]

Some people are so insufferable about maths.

I don’t mean like, treating it like it’s amazing and can do wonderful stuff, because you know what? It can do wonderful things when used properly!

I mean how I’ll be talking about how I can’t do maths, and someone who is way better than me and can do maths will be like ‘noooo!!!!! Don’t say thatttt! You’re great at maths!’

Or I’ll mention something like ‘I literally cannot do maths, I just wrote the decision symbol instead of the equals sign, and I’m not even doing a maths problem 😭’

And someone will say ‘uh, you do know that actually has nothing to do with your ability to do maths, right?’

WRONG AGAIN MATEY. If I am unable to distinguish between mathematical symbols when even writing them out for shorthand in a sentence, how, pray tell, am I supposed to be able to use them properly in an equation? How am I supposed to read when the question wants me to do and to properly do that?

Another thing I’ve had people say to me is along the lines of ‘I don’t think that anyone’s actually bad at maths, just that some people aren’t good at teaching it’

Hmm, yes, ok, see I’ve had- and forgive me if this is wrong, I’m not the best at counting- over eight teachers since being at this school, and I still can’t do maths. I had to teach myself ratio over the holidays.

The other day I had a maths exam. Real important one, fate of my future depends on it etc. I can’t get a proper good grade on it anyways because of how the system works, I can only get up to a five, so that’s two pass grades possible four fail grades. During the exam I had to keep restarting my questions because I had read the numbers in the wrong order (eg 16937 would become 19673) or written my numbers the wrong way around (eg 4 facing the wrong way)

I told my mother about it and how this has always happened and she, a psychotherapist who’s job entails recognising neurodivergencies in children, got upset that I hadn’t said anything to her before, because I could have dyscalculia and if she had known then she could have applied for support. But see, I had spoken to someone about it before- my maths teacher! Who should have been the perfect person to deal with this, if she hadn’t brushed it over like almost everyone else

You know what is also a symptom of dyscalculia? Not being able to distinguish between mathematical symbols!

So, to conclude:

Yes maths is great and can be really useful

Not being able to distinguish maths signs (➕➖➗✖️🟰 etc) actually has a big effect on one’s ability to do maths

Some people actually are just bad at maths, and your attempts at trying to convince them that they actually are good helps no one and just makes you seem like a privileged son of a salt biscuit

Not being able to read numbers in the correct order or right them the correct way round is also an issue with doing maths

Mathematical dyslexia aka dyscalculia effects a persons ability to: do maths, identify maths symbols, and read numbers in the correct order, as well as struggling to count

[queer-whatchamacallit]

Alright so I’m on season 4 of Shameless and have officially accepted its hyperfixation status

So here’s my incredibly detailed thoughts on some of these jerks, enjoy

Lip

He’s the whole reason I got into Shameless. I’m trying to go for the full Jeremy Allen White IMDb page (11/27), so I was instantly attached to him, he’s my little shithead

He wants to take care of his family so so bad. He’s insanely loyal to the little ones specifically, but he doesn’t care about the long term, he’s more terrified about the short term. That’s why he’s so against college for a while: his absence would set them back for years before it ever gave them a leg up

Yes he’s absurdly knowledgeable, but until he knows he’s in real shit, he just digs his claws into whatever he wants to do. I’ve been thinking of it as a lack of impulse control, but he can shut it off, cut the smartassery, even the anger issues he can manage to some degree, but if he thinks he can dodge consequences, he’ll be as destructive as he wants

If he’s given a responsibility, he’s going to take care of it. That’s why early on, he dodged things about college and gets annoyed by Fiona trying to put that on him to support the rest of them, but eventually, he accepts that if he wants good things for his family, that’s the way to do it. It’s also why he goes all in, dropping out and everything, when Karen’s pregnant because he thinks it’s his responsibility.

He’s so so latched on to Karen in a way that’s really interesting to me. It’s clear he wanted an actual relationship with her, but her turning around and fucking Frank really did mess Lip up as Kevin said. He went so all in with the baby and that loss fucked him up so bad that it instantly gives him commitment issues. He didn’t seem bothered by Mandy until Kevin called her his “ghetto wife” and Lip freaked out and tried to get as distant from her as he could

But now in season 4, he takes taking care of Liam and the other kids as his responsibility along with going to MIT to support everyone financially. He puts his everything into those too, but I’m wondering how much responsibility he can take before his destructive impulses ruin something for him

Debbie

All of you need to calm the fuck down, she’s my baby

She cares too hard. She hasn’t started hiding it like her older siblings have, and it hurts to watch her forgive and forgive and forgive until she’s beating the shit out of Frank with a bag of bar soaps, and then start forgiving again but never really getting over it

She wants to follow in Fiona’s footsteps so so bad, destroying herself for others when she’s still so little

She babysits the whole summer then gets outcast the whole school year. It’s a lot to have on your shoulders, and I almost get relieved when she complains about boy problems or not getting her period yet because that’s her getting to be a normal preteen girl

It’s always fascinating to me when she gets violent. We think of sensitive as being nonviolent, but people can hurt her more easily than they can others, and it’s not great, but it’s understandable to want them to hurt back

She changes a lot for season 4, but even in trying to distance herself from Fiona, she’s still following in her footsteps. After so many years of rejection, she needs to be wanted so so bad by whoever will give it to her. One of the only characters I actively hate is Matty for pulling some will they won’t they shit with her. Please just cut her off dude. But I can see her starting to fake nonchalance toward her family while reaching out for anyone to give her what they won’t, and it’s devastating what everything is starting to do to her

Ian

He’s kind of best to talk about before and after he left home

Before, he sort of got lost in whatever came up to him. Kash wanted him, so he became loyal to Kash, always trying to be more mature than he should have to be and being a pillar of support for him at 15. Then, Mickey comes along, and he gets pulled into him too, fighting to get closer and closer. Happens with Ned too I think when Mickey’s in juvie for a bit, playing mature again. To be a Gallagher is to be desperate, and Ian wants sex from whatever guy will have him

In his family, he’s much more quiet, always standing beside Lip and letting him do the talking. Even if he flips him off whenever he can, Ian doesn’t really fight back against Frank. He never tells anyone what’s going on with him because he knows everything is kind of a mess, and doesn’t want anyone to tell him to stop. He doesn’t want to go against what his family wants from him so he hides it when he does

Something I really like about his earlier seasons characterization is that he’s kinda rough and tumble manly army guy that mixes perfectly with his being gay. Watching him be with someone that’s a lot like him, that he gets to roughhouse with and share this particular brand of strength and masculinity or die type of culture, is so fascinating to watch. To quote Jeremy Allen White, “Whenever they beat the shit out of each other and then fuck, that’s like- that’s awesome.”

And then, when Mickey gets married and he only learns about the engagement from Mandy, that everything he put into Mickey gets fucked over, and the only person he’s ever felt this connected to has rejected him. He can’t deal with seeing him, so he does anything he can think of to get himself into the army and away from everything here that has hurt him

Now for season 4 Ian. He’s been so quiet, so bound to never disappointing anyone that when he starts experiencing bipolar symptoms, he leans hard into it right away. He tries to steal a helicopter, he’s done being controlled by others, he’s going to run away and be as free as he can get

He wants sex, so he’s going to have as much of it as possible. He feels in control even if he isn’t. He goes and goes and goes. He works out all morning then fucks all night, he’s high out of his mind, and he still has too much energy. He decides this is what freedom is

When his family and Mickey start trying to drag him back home, he tries to dig his heels in. He feels good and in control here, so why should he go back. When he finally does head home, he tries to keep his rush going, going for runs and making pancakes before the sun comes up, but when he sees Mickey with his son and his wife, he starts to spiral

Ian wants him to be free like he is, to feel as good as he did

Mickey coming out was a massive risk, much bigger than it ever was for Ian, and that sacrifice gets Ian to set aside his betrayal again and protect Mickey. With all his army muscle and manic energy, he goes apeshit on Terry Milkovich, not holding back in any way

But the next day, his months of going and going and going finally catch up him and throws his ass fully into a depressive episode

So yeah, I want to do tier lists with them, but no categories fully describe my feelings toward them. I worry about them. I care about them. I’m scared for the next time they’ll fuck up. The most interesting thing for a character to be is desperate, and they all need something so so bad, even if it’s just enough money to keep the lights on. I’ll probably do more characters, they’re all fascinating

[summerlinenss]

I saw you dislike r*ta ass well. What do you think of her and their relationship?

(i want to throw a disclaimer out there that if you do like her or you think she and taika are cute together or whatever, that’s wonderful. but i’m giving my honest opinion and i truly don’t feel like arguing over this woman, so please just feel free to disregard.)

ohohoho boy.

so i do my best to not really ‘hate’ many famous people. not because they don’t deserve it, but because it’s never worth putting energy into. and i think at the end of the day, most people are deserving of forgiveness and shouldn’t be held liable for things they did or said a decade ago after growing and learning.

that being said, rita is one of the few celebrities that i have actively disliked for a very long time.

a lot of people like to cry “misogyny” and “slut-shaming” whenever someone attempts to call her out for her actions. and frankly, i can assure you her sex life and the way she chooses to dress is the absolute least of my concerns. she’s a grown woman, she can do what she wants.

my main problem with rita is that she never actually takes any accountability for the shitty things she does or says and eventually just acts like it never happened. i can list some of the reasons without going into too much detail (because i’d be here all day), but i have issues with the fact that:

• she openly, shamelessly blackfishes and engages in other cultural appropriation (+ admitted that people believing she was black or mixed race “got her places” but never actually apologized)

• she not only broke COVID lockdown rules multiple times, but tried to play the victim when she was caught

• along with noel gallagher, she knowingly took over the viewing platform for disabled guests at glastonbury and never took accountability or apologized

• she’s been caught repeatedly grifting her fans with forged signatures and cancelling shows due to “serious illness” only to be seen out partying the next day

• during a performance at a hungarian festival, she took a serbian flag from a fan and waved it around and draped it over herself (serbia committed war crimes against her people before they were able to declare independence)

and overall, from stories i’ve heard and things i’ve seen (over the span of several years), i just find her to be a very fake, insincere, obnoxious, unkind person, and i really don’t get how or why taika would ever want to associate himself with someone like that.

which brings me to their relationship, and to be blunt, i’m not a fan. it’s obviously none of my business and i go out of my way to pay as little attention to their marriage as possible because i simply don’t care, but i’ve never liked them together and i’ll never understand it. i’ve tried to tolerate her for taika’s sake as a fan of his work, but i honestly can’t.

again, people love to say, “you’re just jealous he has a hot wife!!!” i couldn’t give less of a fuck, actually! if he was in a relationship with literally anyone else, so long as they were a halfway decent person, i wholeheartedly wouldn’t even care. i’d be happy for him. i’d probably actually be attracted to both of them.

i think what primarily bothers me is that, when they’re together, i almost get the sense that she doesn’t truly respect him and he doesn’t respect himself. it doesn’t feel like a partnership. whether it’s intentional or not, it’s literally always all about rita. their relationship provides her with opportunities but it gives him setbacks, both professionally and within the public eye.

maybe it’s just me and maybe it’s because i have been a fan of his work for so long, but there are times where it sort of feels like he doesn’t have his own personality anymore. like he’s not an individual person. he was just recently at an event in london, and as bitchy as it sounds, i kept thinking about how happy he looked to be out on his own and how nice it was to see him just having fun with friends again without rita clinging on. i don’t know, just something about that combined with the way she’s been constantly making those cringey “i forced my husband to put a ring on it” jokes lately makes it… really uncomfortable sometimes.

meanwhile, she still barely knows anything about his culture. i probably know more about AoNZ than she does — she basically talks about it like an exotic beach home destination. she couldn’t say his name correctly in interviews after they got married. and she even tried to win over a samoan contestant on the voice australia by bragging that she’s “married to half a samoan man.”

one last thing i’ll add is that, as i’ve said before, there are things i do hold taika accountable for, and their relationship is one of them. not that it’s, like, cancel-worthy, obviously, and i don’t think he’s responsible for her poor choices. but i really do find it hypocritical for him to be with someone who is the complete antithesis of everything he’s always stood for. if he’s sincerely happy, then i’m happy for him. but after he’s done so much to help call out the harmful impact caused by things like cultural appropriation in hollywood and how white celebrities continue to just get away it, i won’t pretend it isn’t extremely disappointing to see him marry a woman who’s made a career off of doing exactly that and give her a free pass.

[cressthebest]

i want to start this out by saying that if this ask is something that you are not comfortable answering or talking about please don’t answer it bc some of this might be a little personal.

i saw in one of your posts about you being ex-catholic and i was curious about that. i’m a catholic person that goes to a catholic school, in a catholic town, with a catholic family. i’ve been really thinking about being catholic recently and my problems with it. i was wondering if you could share a little of your experience with me? again if this is too personal please ignore i don’t want to pry into your life.

i promise i wasn’t ignoring this, i just suck at answering asks 😔 which is unfortunate because i love receiving asks and talking about myself

and i have no concept of person space/personal questions, so honestly it’s all chill

but my experience honestly only got worse with time. when i was little, things were more fun, as things typically are when you’re young. i was always bored in church, but i liked wearing pretty dresses and singing the songs. this post will go over a lot of uncomfortable topics and will be quite personal. you’ve been warned. blep. 👁️👅👁️

the first step, which is ignored for a long time was drumroll …. masturbation. i didn’t learn about it from books or fanfic or porn or anything. i was just a kid (maybe 13) and figuring out my body, which included being curious about why touching down there in certain ways felt good. once i realized what it was and that it was a sin, i started to struggle a lot. 1. it felt good and i didn’t want to stop feeling good in that way. 2. but it’s a sin and god did not approve.

for non-catholics reading, in catholicism we do something called confession. it’s where we go to a priest and tell him all our sins. the priest acts as god, and when you tell him this, it’s basically telling god. he then forgives you and gives you a penance, which is typically just a set of prayers to say. and they’re NOT ALLOWED to tell anyone else your sins.

well i was a regular confession attendee, but i could never bear to tell the priest that i had masturbated. lots of times i would cry after masturbating and was worried about going to hell, because i wasn’t stopping. i couldn’t figure out how to abstain from this habit (that quite frankly i didn’t even indulge in very much). lots of tears and fear associated with something that is supposed to feel good.

i can’t remember if i eventually resolved that i wouldn’t stop even tho it was a sin, or if i struggled with this up until i stopped believing in general.

it honestly started to go downhill the most once covid hit. (i was about 14) school closed, and so my mother decided that her kids (all six of us) would be homeschooled from now on. the homeschooling was the second step. she decided it would be best for our family to be catholic homeschooled. all of our books were Seton Homeschooling. any catholic homeschooler has probably heard of this program, even if they never used it. this program taught me a hella lot more about the faith. and me being autistic, this definitely became a hyperfixation. i learned a lot tbh. i probably know more about catholicism than the average practicing catholic.

knowing a lot about the faith caused me to find lots of weird “plot holes” and lots of contradictions. my faith was beginning to waiver, but i was learning everything i could about the faith, trying to answer my questions. honestly, i was starting to lose my grip on the faith.

covid being covid, this was the time i started to discover my sexuality. asexuality came first. it was a struggle to come to terms with, but i found out that there were gay people who were still catholic and i found temporary comfort in that community. i determined that my asexuality was actually a blessing from god. (he gave it to me because if i wasn’t asexual, i probably would have had sex before marriage because i love so fiercely and fully. so he gave asexuality to me so i could prevent myself from the sin of premarital sex. looking back, i think that’s a load of bullshit considering i’m actually demisexual lmao)

but then i had a ✨bi awakening✨which coincidentally took place in a church. a very pretty girl passed me in church and i forgot how to breathe lol. anyways, i left that church knowing something new about me. by the end of the week, i was thinking of myself as bi. i actually started dating this girl a few months later. funny enough, i felt like god had blessed our relationship and didn’t condemn it, simply because he allowed me to meet a girl named MARY in his CHURCH. so u felt like our relationship wasn’t a sin. she was catholic as well. we were quite the pair.

at this point, i was grasping at threads trying to find a reason to still be catholic. the next big incident snapped the thread. my best freind (catholic) told me that my relationship with mary was a sin and she couldn’t support it. i hung up with her lol. she called back and i said i’d only stay on the phone if she wasn’t mean. she proceeded to pull out a script she wrote to tell me how this was a sin and the guilty feelings i was having was because deep down i knew it was a sin. (it was just internalized homophobia). i hung up again. she texted me a long script and said i was going to hell. i blocked her.

here’s the part where the issue unfolds. she told her mom the situation, and her mom called my mom. she outed me to my mother. that night, not only did i lose my best friend and my girlfriend, but also any sense of comfort i felt in my house for about three years. (don’t worry for my safety. mother took away lots of my privileges such as internet, friends coming over, me being able to text most of my friends, going to my friend’s places, sleepovers, etc. but it was never unsafe for me) but that incident was probably the final drop that made the bucket overflow. i stopped believing in god sometime after that.

my loss of faith and discovery of sexuality are tied together and i cannot separate those journeys. however, i do believe that even without a sexuality discovery, i would have realized i didn’t believe in catholicism any more.

knowing as much as i did about catholicism, combined with my firm-proof-needing autism, and my sexuality discovery, all led me to lose the faith. after leaving it, i began to despise it, while also feeling guilty. it took many years to become okay with no longer being catholic.

though i would also like to note that even the catholic institution is quite corrupt and i hate organized church, i don’t hate people for being catholic. it makes me wary at first, but catholicism and god are not the issues. i don’t hate on people for being catholic or believing, nor do i want to belittle their faith. however, i feel like the catholic community is corrupt.

i don’t want to encourage you in either direction. do what’s best for you and what would help you be the best person and most happy in your life. i encourage you to question things and be curious about the faith. it might make your faith stronger, and you will be happy you did it, or you will realize this isn’t something you want to spend time on anymore. it’s up to you. and it may take YEARS to figure out. be kind to yourself and to others, and i guarantee it will be okay. no matter what you discover, you’ll have a community waiting for you.

as an end note, i’d like to add that you can ask any follow up questions you please. i’m willing to answer anything. if you require clarification on anything, just shoot an ask. i am aware that i wrote this while very sick with strep and honestly some of this might not make sense.

[ninja-go-to-therapy]

Dismantled Chapter 10

ao3

happy leap yeap

Trigger Warnings: light mentions of murder

1689 words

Leo was drowning.

He was no Raph, but he was finally beginning to understand why he went savage when separated from his brothers. 

He had never been so desperate. 

As much as they wanted it to, their current method of knocking down every door in New York just wasn’t working. They needed resources. The problem was that the only one that could probably find Donnie was (you guessed it) Donnie himself. 

But where else could they possibly turn? It’s not like they had any other super geniuses on hand. Or even someone with enough resources to make up for it.

Unless… no. That never went well. 

But there was someone that he knew would have resources like that. Resources that would get Donnie home to them that much quicker.

But god, it was risky. And the others would never agree. Or maybe they would. Would they? What if he brought it up and he was shut down? 

Would it be worth it to just… keep it a little bit of a secret? It was always better to ask for forgiveness rather than permission, in his experience, but… this was a whole other thing. This wasn’t stealing a cookie from the cookie jar. This was a dangerous secret mission that could land him in some seriously hot water.

No. He didn’t care what he had to give up in exchange. He didn’t care what the price would be. Whatever it was, he would pay it and it would be worth it. His family would get over it, if it let them find Donnie alive.

He’d made up his mind. He was going to pay a little visit to the Hidden City’s favorite crime lord.

------

With his ōdachi on hand, sneaking out wasn’t the hard part. That would be everything that came after he landed in a heap on the floor of Big Mama’s office. 

If she was surprised at his rough entrance, she didn’t show it. She didn’t even look at him at first, reading over some papers in her gross spider claws. Did spiders have claws? Wait, that didn’t matter.

He opened his mouth to explain himself, but before he could get a single word out, she put up a… hand? He really wasn’t sure, but again, irrelevant. Anyway, she put up a hand or something, eyes not once leaving whatever she was so preoccupied with. 

Probably boring business stuff. Maybe taxes? Did someone like her even pay taxes?

He dusted himself off, sitting down in the chair he’d just slightly missed in his tumble through the portal. He sat up straight, crossing his arms and hoping that he was portraying just how serious he was. He wasn’t use to that, but there was a first time for everything.

After several minutes of Big Mama slowly (and he meant slowly, he was sure she was doing it on purpose) sifting through her forms, she finally straightened the stack with a few taps on her desk, before setting them down neatly.

Finally, she looked up, addressing him for the first time in the many minutes he’d been waiting around. “What a splendid surprise,” she said with a smile that oozed false sweetness. “To what do I owe the pleasure, turtley-boo?”

His stomach churned with anxiety. This was such a bad idea. Especially considering it could have been her who had taken Donnie all along! But… no, he’d made up his mind. He’d face the consequences it would bring. 

“My brother has gone missing,” he finally offered through grit teeth.

She nodded. “So I’ve heard! Quite the tragic tale, but I’m afraid I haven’t got a diddly-do to do with that!”

Big Mama was a lot of things. A liar, a manipulator, a crime lord… the list went on. But the most important thing she was? Flashy. If she’d taken Donnie, the whole yokai-world would know about it. So, against his better judgment… he was actually inclined to believe her. 

“I know,” he said, slumping slightly into his seat. That wasn’t to say he was letting his guard down. He’d be a fool to fall prey to her tricks again. “I want to…” was he really doing this?

The fear of what could have already become of his twin was enough to get the words out. “I want to make a deal.”

In an instant, Big Mama perked up, her many eyes zeroing in on him. “Oh, well why didn’t you say so, turtley-boo? What type of deal are we talking?”

No going back. He just had to commit. For his family. “I need your help,” he said, spitting it out before he could change his mind. “With your resources, finding Donnie will go so much faster and… I don’t know how much time he has left.”

“Ooh, tracking down a taken turtle sounds like quite the tiresome task! You do realize payment will be rather… high?”

Leo set his jaw, nodding. He knew. He knew, and it would be worth it. “Name your price, spider lady.”

She was grinning. He felt a lot like a fly wandering into her web.

------

Mikey closed the door of his bedroom as slowly and quietly as he could, one hand against the frame to reduce the noise of it finally clicking shut. He let out a breath, turning around — only to nearly crash into Leo.

He just barely stopped himself from colliding with his brother, falling back against the wall in his effort to re-direct himself. Leo stared at him with wide eyes. Aw, shit, he was totally busted.

Don’t give anything away, he told himself. Leo might not know what he was actually doing!

“Whatcha doing?” 

Mikey laughed awkwardly. “Oh, me? I was just gonna go to bed early… and stuff.”

“Okay.”

Wait, seriously? That had been easy.

“I think… I think I’m gonna do the same thing,” he agreed, punctuated with a heavy yawn. “G’night, Mike.”

“Night,” he echoed softly, watching until Leo stumbled down the hall to his own bedroom. The guy really did look exhausted, for some reason. But as far as Mikey knew, he hadn’t been out searching or anything, and that’s all they’d really been doing recently… 

But hey, Leo hadn’t questioned him, and that was what mattered, right now. He couldn’t believe he’d bought that!

Satisfied that no one else would come out to catch him, Mikey continued to the nearest sewer grate. 

It wasn’t that Mikey wanted to lie to his brothers. It was just that the only way he could do anyone any good was by going behind their backs! 

Here was the thing. He’d only initially planned to give a starving used-to-be-supervillain some food once. But he’d sort of… gone back a few times afterwards.

If the others knew, they’d put a stop to it immediately! They wouldn’t trust Draxum as far as they could throw him! That wasn’t to say that even Mikey fully trusted him yet… but he’d yet to try anything. And that spoke volumes, didn’t it? Even when he had been a bad guy, he’d never tried to really manipulate them into joining him. He figured that if he did try anything, it would be an outright attack. And… considering his state right now, Mikey kind of doubted that.

Generally, he could read people. Pretty well, if he did say so himself. Draxum just kind of seemed like a harmless, sad, and bitter old man now. It was just like the movie Up! Mikey had been a Todd Scout… so yeah, it was basically the same.

And slowly but surely, the Baron had begun to open up (not without a fight, of course). With just a little more time, he could start worming some knowledge out of him! And… even if he couldn’t, it wasn’t like rehabilitating the guy was a waste of time. Pushing someone from supervillainy to civilian…y, was still a good thing.

If Mikey couldn’t help Donnie, at least he could help someone. But oh, he would help Donnie. He wouldn’t stop until he did.

------

“So…” Mikey began as he took a bite of his food, “is there like… some kind of locator spell you might know of? Y’know… for people?”

From across the picnic table they’d settled at, Draxum chewed his rice, eyes narrowed at the orange-banded turtle. 

Mikey had been experimenting with different human cuisines, determined to figure out what Draxum did and didn’t like. He hadn’t threatened his life yet, so he’d kept coming back with new foods for him to try. He figured that for a homeless guy, he wasn’t really in the position to pass up free food. Tonight was Chinese take-out, complete with the fortune cookies.

“You’re not going to stop bothering me about this, are you?” he finally asked with a tired sigh.

Mikey’s beak twitched into a semi-apologetic frown. “Im sorry, I just — I know you can help. And I can repay you! I’m not like, super liquid right now, but I can do something else!”

Draxum looked unimpressed. “What could you possibly offer me?”

“Well, besides giving you free food all the time — you’re welcome,” he snarked, taking a moment to wrack his brain. “Uhh… okay, I don’t know right now, but I swear I’ll do whatever — I will literally get you an apartment, dude, just please help me.”

“An… apartment?” he asked, like he wasn’t entirely sure what that was. Yokai did have apartments, didn’t they?

“Think about it,” Mikey said, the idea coming to life in his brain, “you would have a roof over your head — protection from the elements! A place to store extra food!”

“And how exactly do you plan to do this?”

“Don’t… don’t even worry about that. I’ll figure it out. Are you in?”

Draxum just stared at him for a long time, the food all but forgotten. Finally, he let out a drawn-out groan. “Fine.”

“Ohmigosh, really?” Mikey squealed.

“Yes,” he sighed, “but don’t make me regret this.”

“Oh, you won’t! This’ll be awesome! Where do we start? What kinda mystic mojo do you got in that big old brain of yours?” “We start,” he said, already exasperated, “at the market.”

[runwithwolvcs]

Right Where You Left Me

For Your Eyes Only

PAUL POV

The feeling of longing aches in my chest. God, I fucking miss Saskia. 

I imagine her. Standing in front of me, touching me, telling me to breathe. To work through the steps Sam had given me to control my emotions. I can’t be losing it like this when she's not here, it just means I really don’t have everything under control and the prospect of hurting her again. 

Another bout of anger courses through me. 

She was so easy to forgive and forget what happened. To let me get close to her again, and wrap her in my arms as if I was the safest place on earth for her.

I wasn’t even angry. I mean not really, I’ve seen her in Jacobs mind. Laughing, working on those stupid bikes, even confiding in him when it should have been me. I should have been there all along. I could have been if I had just locked eyes with her sooner. Sam and his fucking rules ruined that, but his fears became reality all because of a simple touch. Jacobs hand on my imprint.

She won’t make me angry, I don’t think it’s even possible. She's so smart, and kind. Always thinking before she speaks, unlike me. Her way with words is something I envy. It was so easy for her, or at least it sounded easy. I can’t even tell her how I feel most days. The big, bad wolf with emotional baggage he can’t control. Pathetic.

I should have told her I loved her months ago, when the thought first crossed my mind. She was the one, I knew it even before I phased.

Anger, jealousy, envy are all things I know I feel too much of, I know they can trigger an unwanted shift.

My biggest fear is feeling too much of anything around her now, and if that means denying her the one thing she’s been aching for, then so be it. Though I can’t bring myself to admit that to her.Her gentle touch feels like electricity coursing through my veins, even if it's just to comfort me. One simple rush of excitement could ruin everything.

“You okay, son?” My dad asks, jolting me from my inner turmoil.

I grumble in response, not in the mood to divulge into conversation with anyone but Saskia.

He doesn’t get the hint as he asks me another question, “When does Saskia get back?”

“Sunday.” I mutter. It's been just over twenty four hours since she had been gone and I was losing my composure, fast.

“Maybe give her a call.” My dad suggests and I push my chair away from the table to stand up. Seems like everyone thinks Saskia’s the solution to my problem, and maybe she is, but I refuse to burden her with my issues. She has enough going on as it is. We’re finally back to a good place between us, all the normalcy we had before I had phased returning. Like nothing had changed. If I lose it she may not forgive me this time, and disappointing Saskia is not something I can handle right now.

“I’ve got it under control.” I say slowly clenching my fist at the mental image of her frowning because I phased accidentally, again.

“Sure looks like it.” He gripes causing an involuntary growl to escape my throat as I leave the kitchen. Can’t he see I’m trying?!

As soon as I reach my room, I call her number. I don’t care if she doesn't pick up and I have to listen to her voice message. I just need to hear her voice.

“Hey, Paul” She answered after two rings, I could practically hear the smile on her face.

“Hey, babe,” I try to hide the strain in my voice.

“Is everything okay?” She asked, trying to speak louder than  the background noise. Saskia seems to alway know when somethings up, even when I think I’m shielding her from the problem.

I let out a small laugh, “Yeah, I was just calling to check on you..”

“Oh, well, everythings fine here,” she says, before breathily mentioning, “I miss you.”

I could feel the relief fill my senses knowing I wasn’t the only one feeling this way, sometimes it feels like the imprint only affects me. Leaning back against my bed frame, I tell her honestly,  “Miss you too.”

“Hey, listen, we’re just about to head to my aunts for dinner. But I promise to call you after, okay?” Saskia promised, sounding distracted by whatever she was surrounded by, “You can tell me all about the drama I’ve missed between Jake and Bella.”

I let out a genuine laugh, “Will do.”

“Talk to you later, Paul.” She said in a hushed tone before hanging up.

Just like that, I’m alone again. Wondering about where she was going, would something go wrong? There could be leeches there. Maybe I should go check it out, I could find her using her scent. That's weird though. She’ll be fine, I reassure myself.

My phone dings nearly fifteen minutes later, there's a photo message from Saskia. I immediately open it, worried that something is wrong. It's just a mirror photo of her with her shirt bunched up over her breasts. No bra. The arm she was using to hold the camera was covering her scars, whether she did it on purpose or not, I don't know. I don't want her to feel insecure about something I did to her. Her long legs are showcased by a short skirt. The message attached I read aloud to myself, “Something for you to use to pass the time. x o ;)”

“You’re killing me,” I mutter, a grin forming on my face as I take in every detail of the photo. I sent back, “brb printing a poster of you for my room.”

I know she hates the one I’ve currently got, she mentions it every single time. I only keep it up to keep her riled, nobody compares to Saskia in my mind. Nobody ever has. I’ve had a crush on her since the day I moved in next door. The way her mom and her had been dancing in the rain when my dad and I pulled up with the moving truck. The way she laughed as she slipped in the muddy grass and picked herself up like nothing had happened to continue twirling around with a pair of costume fairy wings on.  I was hooked.

“For your eyes only, L¯a wats a¯ kil,” was the next text she had sent. I read it back in confusion, not sure what she had actually called me. It was Quileute, that I knew, but I didn't grow up learning the language like Saskia had. As if she could sense my confusion, she sent a follow up text, “Grams says it means wolf.”

I can’t fight off the grin that forms. Saskia had purposefully asked how to say wolf in Quileute, meaning she was indirectly talking about the pack, maybe even just me, to her grandma. I knew her grandparents were elders and knew the histories well. Maybe they even know about the pack. I can't wait to see her again and hear about what she has learned from them.