#and lexa just mainly says i love you over and over again

[lexa-griffins]

A perfect day for babygirl Lexa involves wearing lacey lingerie, cockwarming Clarke, getting complimented and praised, and dozens of orgasms 😌

Straight up nothing makes Lexa feel more in heaven. Fancy outings, social events and expensive vacations are nice but nothing beats a day with just Clarke loving her 🥰

[bellamysgriffin]

Requesting one simple fluffy love confession for Bellarke please?

i have no excuse for this taking as long as it did or being as long as it is but here it is! tbh the fluffiest love confession i wrote for them is probably in my fic take this sinking boat and point it home, so this in turn, turned into more of a rumination on what love means to them. the love confession itself is post 6.10 <3

reminder: i am currently accepting blarke fic requests! i mainly write canon, but am open to AUs, i also mostly write angst with a happy ending. other than that, feel free to request whatever you desire <3

read on ao3

If you ask Bellamy when he first began to love Clarke, he wouldn’t know how to begin to answer the question. But if you ask him when he knew he loved her, well, that would be easy. It started so long ago. Six years, give or take a century, a lifetime, or perhaps, just one, long moment. 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

It starts like this: a flash of blonde slips into his periphery, and before he has time to react, arms are around his neck and hair is in his mouth and his brain is saying how? and thank god and I thought you were dead and I was going crazy without you and the words I love you float up among it all and he’s so stunned by the truth of those words that he doesn’t even think about saying them out loud. 

He does think about it later, though. Bellamy has never been in love, he realizes, as he watches her sleep, the fire flickering over her face. He’s not quite sure what to do about it. He could tell her. He could do that, it’s an option. But Clarke doesn’t love him. She loves Spacewalker, even if she won’t admit it. And does she really need to know? He doesn’t want anything from her. He doesn’t need anything to change. It’s just there now, this love, closing around his heart like a fist, and that’s all.

So, in this way, Bellamy becomes well-trained in the art of holding his tongue. 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

He thinks about saying it before he leaves for the mountain. But she looks at her hands like she can still see Finn’s blood on them and the Commander’s at her side like a shadow and in the end he just tells her to be safe. 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

When the fire from the explosion almost swallows him whole, his only thought is whether or not his charred and burning body could crawl to the radio in time to hear her voice one last time, to tell her – 

And then he survives, and the thought evaporates, floating away above his head like smoke.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

If there was ever a moment Bellamy might have told Clarke the truth, it was after the mountain had fallen. He had thought she didn’t love him, but now he’s not so sure. 

And then she says she’s leaving and the words wither and die inside of him like leaves in the winter. He could say, “I love you, don’t go,” but the words would be a weapon to use against her. It would be the same as holding a gun to her head and ordering her through the gates.

And he can’t do that. And he won’t do that. He won’t let his love be cruel, because it’s better than that, it’s worth more than that. After all they’ve been through, it has to be.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

I’ll tell her when she comes back, he decides two nights later. Only she never does come back.

And then there’s Gina and Lexa and ALIE and just when they think they’ve saved the day, everything’s over and how can he tell her now?

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

So it changes. I’ll tell her if the world doesn’t end. Then, I’ll tell her if we make it to the ring.

But the world does end. And she doesn’t make it to the ring.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

The words I love you weigh on his tongue like stones in the pocket of a body in the water. There is no one left to hear his confession, but he makes it anyway. A month after her death (a concept he still can’t wrap his head around, Clarke and dead, Clarke and gone, Clarke and never coming back), he stands by the window and says, “I love you,” in a whisper. He looks at the Earth as it burns and says, “Clarke.” Again, “Clarke. I love you. I have always, always –”

And then he stops. Because he has to.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Clarke doesn’t think about telling Bellamy she loves him until the world has ended. No, she dreams about it instead.

I love you, she says, and he’s bleeding out in her arms.

I love you, she says, and there’s a knife in her hand and in his gut.

Sometimes it’s I love you, she says, and he holds her as she’s dying and Clarke likes those dreams better.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

She knows she loves Bellamy when she sends him to the mountain. Clarke has never been a superstitious person. But her decision not to tell him is like a protective charm, a forcefield, a blanket of safety she wraps around his shoulders like a child being put to bed. 

Or rather, to tell him would be to place a curse upon his head because 

I love you – and her father’s body floats in space forever because

I love you – and Finn’s body slumped against a pole, her saliva still wetting his lips

I love you – and who knows what will happen to Bellamy now? If she doesn’t say it, if he never knows, then maybe it’s not really goodbye. 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

She falls in love again with the very woman who took her first love, with the very woman who sent death and destruction Clarke’s way before she ever knew horror, before she ever knew blood. She falls in love with a woman so fierce and powerful and magnetic, so broken and solemn, with caverns inside of her stretching deeper than Clarke could ever hope of seeing.

Her love for Bellamy does not fade. It’s lodged under her heart like a rock. It is a safe place for it to be. 

She does not tell Lexa she loves her. Not until the end, anyway, when she knows that she will never see her again. 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

And then the world is ending, and every time her heart wants to tell him, she is chastened by a brain that reminds her of Lexa Dad Finn Wells Lexa Dad Finn Wells Lexa Dad Finn Wells – over and over, a never-ending loop. People she loved. People she lost. 

And no, she won’t tell him. She won’t tell him because every time they part ways, she wonders if the world might end before she sees him again, and by not telling him, somewhere she is convinced that she is ensuring them just a little bit more time, the guarantee of one more moment, one more touch, one more look even if it’s only a look. 

It’s not until the death wave is roaring above their heads that she tries to tell him but of course, he doesn’t want to hear it. Because he knows what it means. 

“I just want to say…” 

(I love you.)

(I’m in love with you.)

(I have always been in love with you.)

But the ring hovers over their heads like a dream, and if she doesn’t say it, then maybe she can get there. 

“Hurry.”

She doesn’t say it.

And she doesn’t get there either. 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

“Bellamy,” Clarke says into the radio, a month after the death wave, when the lack of food and water are getting to her and her brain is swimming through a warm fog, “if you can hear me…” She trails off. “Bellamy. I love you.”

She’s not afraid to say it anymore. Because it’s not goodbye if he’s already gone. 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Bellamy had promised himself that if they survived the end of the world, he would tell her how he felt. And they did survive, both of them. By some miracle, she endured the fire and came out the other side, as beautiful as the day he left her to burn. 

But Bellamy breaks his promise.

Because there is Echo. And she is real. She is not Clarke, but she is not nothing. She is family, in the truest sense of the world. If the Bellamy who stood by the window and whispered the truth to a version of Clarke that could never hear him was here now, holding her on the bed of a prison ship, six years after the end of the world, he would be whispering the words into her ears, over and over, for as long as she would let him. But that Bellamy is not here. 

He loves Clarke, or he loves the memory of Clarke, or he loves what Clarke used to be, or he’s learning to love what this Clarke is, or however you want to say it. He feels the fist around his heart, weakened, but still gripping tightly. 

But make no mistake. What he has with Echo is different and quieter and softer and weaker. But it is absolutely love. 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

In the end, of course, it’s no match for Clarke. It never was. It could survive a love affair with a dead girl, but here? Now? On Earth? His love for Clarke grips tighter and tighter around his heart, leaving no room for anyone else, until finally, Bellamy is convinced (as he kneels, hands bound, on the floor of the fighting pits) that his heart has been ground to nothing but dust. 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

And then he sees her again. And Madi tells him about the radio. And there it is, ever-so-slightly, as if waking up from a long and dormant sleep, the sound of his heart as it beats. 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Does Clarke think about telling Bellamy? Of course she does. And then he kisses Echo in the sunshine and he kisses Echo in the firelight and he kisses Echo in front of her and when she’s not looking she knows that he’s holding her and he buries his face into her hair as if he never wants to emerge and Clarke thinks that maybe everything would have been fine if she never had to see what she wanted being given so freely to someone else.

Does Clarke think about telling Bellamy she loves him? Why tell him something he so clearly doesn’t want to hear?

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

In the end, she forfeits all rights to those words. To those words, and to everything else. In war, we all have to choose a side. It’s the first time since they set foot on the ground that she hasn’t chosen his.

(It doesn’t matter that she changed her mind. Not to Raven, not to Murphy, not to Echo, and not to anyone else.)

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

The ground was a fresh start. Maybe this can be too, Clarke thinks. And the way Bellamy smiles at her, the way he laughs, even jokes. “A little pathetic, maybe,” he says, “but not crazy.” It feels like having him back. She finally feels it. What she dreamed of all those six years. She finally feels like he’s home. 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Bellamy knows those six years are never coming back. But he looks at Clarke smiling in the Sanctum sunshine. Bruises in the shape of his fingers still ring around her neck. His left knee aches from the knife she stabbed it with.

And yet, none of that seems to matter. And that’s how Bellamy knows that maybe, just maybe, he might be ready to tell her. 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Clarke hasn’t been so happy in longer than she can remember. So she’s not surprised when the rug is pulled out from under her again. The blue dress that she hoped Bellamy would like her in brushes against her ankles but she can’t even feel it. Instead, Russell Lightbourne’s face looms in front of her. The last thing she thinks before it all goes dark, as selfish and cruel as it is, is that she hopes that when Bellamy finds out, he’s devastated. She hopes that, in spite of all she’s done, in spite of her betrayals, he still loves her enough to mourn her. 

And then she thinks of nothing, nothing, nothing… 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Of course, he’s not just devastated. He’s furious. His blood is made of fire, and his eyes have gone dark. When the rope is around Russell’s throat, it feels easy, too easy, like the years and the promises of doing better and making peace have fallen away and turned to ashes. He is again the boy who walked into a mountain filled with death and decay simply because Clarke asked him to. He is again the boy who dressed up like a grounder and walked among enemies who would gladly have had his head on a suicide mission to keep her safe. 

He would do anything for her. Anything. He only lets go because he thinks that she would want him to. 

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

He thought that moment was the worst it could get, the moment where he looked into her eyes and saw someone else looking back. But it’s not. Because when her heart stops beating and her breath lies frozen in her chest, it’s worse than Praimfaya, and it’s worse than Josephine, because it is in front of him, it is fact, and there is no room for hope or confusion, or maybe-she-isn’ts, or maybe-I’m-wrongs, there is only the gaping, yawning mouth of grief growing wider and wider inside of him. 

He kept waiting, all these years, for the right time to tell her, but maybe it’s not about him. He saves her in the end, because of course he does, he has to. But she could have died without knowing he loved her, and a person deserves to know that someone loved them. A person deserves to know that they were loved.  

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

(Of course, she does know. She’s known for a long time. Just as he knows too.)

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

Josephine is gone, nothing but an empty chip and a pile of dead code. But the battle is not over, and Clarke is about to head back into the heart of it. And despite everything in him crying out against him, Bellamy knows he has to let her go. They stand outside Gabriel’s tent. He will stay here, and she will go to Sanctum. They will both do their part. Bellamy swallows, and it gets caught in his throat. “I already brought you back to life once this week. I’m not sure I’ll be able to do it again.” If he was trying to sound casual with this half-hearted joke, he failed abysmally, but Clarke doesn’t care. 

“You stay safe, too.” 

Gabriel is standing thirty feet away, and she turns to go to him, but Bellamy grabs her hand. “Wait, Clarke…” He doesn’t know how to say it except to say it. “I love you.” It’s strange that it should be so easy after all these years. But it was not telling her that was the hard part. Telling her now may be the easiest thing Bellamy has ever done.

And Clarke wants to say it back. She opens her mouth with the words on her lips, but then she hears, “If something happens to me.” She hears, “I was just gonna say.” She hears, “If I don’t see you again.” And she can’t bear saying goodbye. 

So, instead, she says, “After this is over, we’ll get out of Sanctum and build that compound.”

She’s worried about breaking his heart, but Bellamy knows her, he knows her better than anyone ever has, and he knows what she’s saying. “We’ll build houses,” he whispers.

She nods. “One for us. You, me, and Madi.” 

He smiles, then. One that strikes Clarke straight to her heart. “We’ll have chickens in the backyard,” he says, though he knows it’s impractical and improbable and in all likelihood impossible. But when he says it, he believes it. 

“A garden that would make Monty proud,” she whispers, thinking of the berries she tasted after Praimfaya, wishing he could taste them too. 

“We’ll have windows made of real glass and everything,” he says, and though he has no idea how glass is made, he can see them there, shielded from the elements outside. Safe. Happy.

“And we’ll be together,” Clarke says, meaning it in every sense of the word.

“Together.” An echo, but it’s not just an echo of her voice just now. It’s an echo of her voice then, of all the times she’s said it and all the times he’s said it back. It’s a promise. One that this time he intends to keep. 

Clarke looks over her shoulder at Gabriel. He’s letting them have their moment, but she can see in his face that it’s time. “I have to go,” she says.

Bellamy closes his eyes. He believes in that dream, but he knows it’s fragile too. Just the day before she was dead in his arms. It could happen again. That’s the thing. Bellamy and Clarke know that it could always happen again. “I know,” he whispers. “Just…” 

Clarke takes his hand. “I know.” As she drops it, she fully intends on leaving. On never looking back. But Clarke knows what it’s like to live a life full of regrets. She will always live with them, always. They will always haunt her dreams. But this one doesn’t have to. Before she gets the chance to change her mind, she grabs Bellamy’s shirt in both her fists and pulls him to her, kissing him deeply, fervently. His lips taste of salt and his beard is rough against her cheek. For a moment, he is surprised and then his arms are wrapped around her, and he’s kissing her back, and Clarke knows that even when she pulls away, this moment will last forever. That she will always be here, somewhere in her heart, kissing Bellamy under the Sanctum moon, with a promise of the future still fresh on her lips. 

She pulls away and turns before either of them have the time to say anything. He watches her go until she disappears into the forest, with hope tending more towards faith, that he’ll see her again.

-::-::-::-::-::-::-

(Clarke waits until the battle is over to tell Bellamy she loves him too.)

[kor-ra]

Fun challenge for you based on your recent tags: Explain to me, someone who has never watched a single episode of the 100, why you ship Bellarke? I am curious, and I'm hoping this is entertaining for you to do lol

Oh gosh ok you asked for it, the flood gates have been opened. Sorry this took so long to answer but I wanted to explain it in the best way I could (or at least try to). I’m going to do a short version and a long version so people don’t have to read my entire explanation lol. Also I’m only going over the plot as it relates to their story, so there will probably be some holes.

Clarke Griffin and Bellamy Blake are soulmates, plain and simple as that. The growth that they have had since the first season till now has been a long and winding road. They were enemies then became co leaders then best friends and now are (hopefully) on track to admitting that they love each other. The amount of parallels the show draws between them is insane and they both have such a profound understanding of each other due to their shared leadership role and constantly being the person that the other one goes to when they need someone to comfort them. Time and time again they choose each other, even during some of the most difficult decisions they will ever have to make. Their growth almost always comes back to how they influence each other to try and be better people. Canonically, they make better decisions when they are together: The Head and the Heart. They cannot exist as their full selves without each other in their lives because their lives have become so intertwined with each other that they are fundamentally different people when they’re apart. No matter how often they’re apart, they always find a way back to each other. And if nothing else, the gazes and longing hugs that they give each other just oozes love and understanding.

Ok that was the short version. Here’s the Long Version🤪

Ok so Bellamy and Clarke definitely did not start off this way. From the very first episode they are at each other’s throats. Clarke is trying to be the practical leader to get these kids to survive while Bellamy is the dynamic leader inspiring these kids to “do whatever the hell they want”. They don’t see eye to eye and Bellamy even says he’s willing to cut off Clarke’s hand to get what he wants. This doesn’t change until 1x03 when Bellamy sees Clarke mercy kill Atom, another kid on Earth.

This girl, who he thought was a pampered princess, was able to make this tough decision while he couldn’t. After that they begrudgingly try and coexist together. Then “Day Trip” happens and Bellamy and Clarke go off on their own and almost die by a rogue delinquent. They kill him and while they’re recuperating Bellamy wants to run away from all the hardships and mistakes that he’s made. Instead of holding it against him, Clarke gives him forgiveness (“if you want forgiveness, I’ll give it to you ok, fine you’re forgiven”)

For the first time they are truly vulnerable with each other and make their first decision to lead together. This is the turning point. From then on they co lead together, sharing the burden and responsibilities of leadership and being the person that the other depends on. They don’t always get along but they learn to rely on each other. The season ends with them separated at the end of their first big battle. Clarke closes the drop ship door to save her people from the enemy and she thinks he didn’t survive the blast outside

S2

Bellamy and Clarke are separated (a common occurrence that you will soon find out) Clarke is trapped in Mt. Weather and although the rest of her people are comfortable there, she is determined to get out and find out if the rest of her people -cough cough Bellamy- are alive. Bellamy likewise also starts to look for Clarke. Angst and drama ensues, but the important part is that we get our first ever Bellarke hug and man is it a good one (and an absolute fan favorite)

Like Bellamy is so stunned by the way she RUNS and wraps her arms around him and slowly after the shock hugs her back. But this hug cements just how important they’ve become to each other. From here on out they protect each other. Bellamy saves Clarke from being poisoned, he volunteers to go into Mount Weather and Clarke (originally) violently opposes it saying that “She can’t lose him to” in reference to losing the boy she loved, among other things (imo this is when Bellamy starts to develop real feelings for Clarke). Finally towards the end of the season when they face off against the “big baddie” they have to make the choice to kill hundreds of innocent people among the guilty to save their own people. An impossible choice, and Clarke being the self sacrificial puppy that she is wants to “bear it so they don’t have to”. But Bellamy won’t let her do that, they’re going to share that heavy burden. And they pull the lever together

So they return home, people rescued and the guilt hanging high above their heads. But for Clarke the guilt is too much to bear and she tells Bellamy that she has to leave. And Bellamy BEGS her to stay, even repeating that same line that she said to him in the beginning of the show. However, she leaves him and her people behind, which would lead them both down a path of hurt.

S3

And hurt they do. Clarke leaving didn’t fill the hole of guilt in her heart, and Bellamy was left to (try lol) and heal his broken heart on his own. I will also say that both Clarke/Bellamy get their own significant other with Lexa/Gina respectively and this is because (imo) they both go down paths where the other is not in the picture I’m so certain that if they stayed togehter, they would’ve been together and that’s why they’re always separated. But then for the first time in the 3 months since she left, Bellamy finds Clarke, while she’s being taken captive and literally DROPS EVERYTHING to rescue her. When he finds her it is the most tender thing.

This is soon interrupted when Roan (her captor) comes back and Clarke BEGS him to save his life, saying “I’ll do anything. I’ll stop fighting just please don’t hurt him.” Bellamy gets stabbed in the leg and and Clarke and Roan get away. Unlike a normal person, Bellamy Blake is hopelessly in love and devoted to Clarke so he STILL TRIED TO GO AFTER HER WITH A HOLE IN HIS LEG AND WE GET THIS BEAUTIFUL SCENE RIGHT HERE

Cut back a little while later Clarke is safe in Polis with Lexa, trying to unify their two clans and Bellamy finds her again. He tells her to come back to Arkadia (their home) but she says she needs to be here (in Polis). This breaks his heart and is what sets him literally down a VERY DARK PATH of murder to try and justify a war (complicated stuff, what matter is he fucks up). Clarke eventually does come back to Arkadia only to find a very angry and heartbroken Bellamy who tries to justify his actions (You Left Me). They have a very Bellarke™ talk full of emotion and love.

And just when you think everything is going to be alright, he handcuffs her to a chair lol. And they spend a good chunk of the season apart.

When the going gets tough however, they know that they need each other. And after episodes of not speaking to each other they have another one of their Bellarke™ talks and hugs where Bellamy says “I was so mad at you for leaving. I don’t want to feel that way anymore” And then they hug like this, like c’monnnnnnn platonic my ass.

I’m going to speed up for the sake of getting to more stuff. But they end season 3 as they always do, fighting the evil together. Other highlights include Clarke’s (brainwashed) mom using Bellamy as her 1st choice to sacrifice in front of Clarke. There’s also a cute hand holding scene hgngnghngg

For all the angst however, this is the first season when other people call them out on their feelings (mainly Bellamy’s tho) for each other well Octavia already called him out during the first hug but that doesn’t count because She knows him too well. His other friends call him out for not being devoted to his old girlfriend Gina (who died) and Murphy comparing his feeling for Emori (his CANON love interest) to Clarke.

S4

Ok, I know a lot of this post has been focused on Bellamy’s feelings and that’s mostly because Clarke has had a love interest in every season so she hasn’t had time to recognize her own feelings. However during s4, we get to see the extent of just how much Clarke means to Bellamy as well. There are a lot of moments in this season so I’m just going to try and focus on the big ones/my faves.

(This isn’t super important, but in the 1st episode of s4, Clarke is still grieving her gf Lexa who died and IMMEDIATELY AFTER, we get a cut to Bellamy like way to be subtle guys. no platonic explanation for this edit)

Ok basically what you need to know about s4 is that the world is going to end by a nuclear radiation cloud thingy called Praimfaiya and it’s up to Bellarke (along with some other peeps lol) to save everyone from it. So one of the things Clarke has to do is write a list of 100 people to choose for a potential bunker. So of course Clarke puts Bellamy on spot 99 but can’t bring herself to write her own name. So Bellamy who is sleeping on the couch wakes up because his Clarke is sad sirens are going off to tell her to put her name down. (If I’m on that list, you’re on that list) Still she can’t do it sO BELLAMY DOES IT FOR HER (because this boy needs her to be with him). and then he puts his hand on her AND SHE LAYS HER HEAD ON HIS HAND....so tender.

Ok so a few episodes later Bellamy (and Kane) get held hostage and Clarke has to sacrifice part of a large shelter that they need to escape Praimfaiya for them, it’s a tough decision but one that Clarke obviously makes. (Literally the only reason Bellamy was even taken was because Roan knew how much he meant to specifically Clarke). I can’t find a gif, but trust me it’s worrisome

Ok god next episode is when we start getting into that high stakes shit (THAT I LOVE). So basically Clarke and Bellamy are going to be separated AGAIN and right before he leaves Bellamy says this

LIKE IT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO ARGUE THAT HE WAS NOT ABOUT TO CONFESS HIS LOVE TO HER LIKE CMON PEOPLE LOOK AT EVERY TROPE OF THIS EVER. Clarke of course was like “No, we will see each other again” but uhufhdjejdwkndwk he was going to say “I love you” in my book

Ok now towards the end of the season, most everyone in Skaikru is in this Bunker except for Octavia and most of the grounders (people on earth who survived the original radiation). I can’t believe I haven’t mentioned this yet but Octavia is Bellamy’s younger sister and throughout the show he has sacrificed so so much for her and risked a lot of things to keep her safe. So now when Bellamy learns that Octavia is alive and outside the bunker he rushes to open the door for her. But here’s the catch: if they open the hatch, there’s a chance the radiation is bad and everyone in the bunker (THE HUMAN RACE) would die. However, because Bellamy needs to save his sister he’s willing to take that risk. For Clarke, that isn’t though and POINTS A GUN at him. But Bellamy says if she shoots she’s “going to have to make it a kill shot”. AND SHE CAN’T BRING HERSELF TO SHOOT HIM. CLARKE CANNOT KILL BELLAMY EVEN IF IT MEANT SAVING THE HUMAN RACE. Of course it was fine but still man c’mon.

And then later in order to try and lighten the mood, when they’re trying to drive the rover, Bellamy makes Clarke laugh and IS SO DISTRACTED BY HER SMILE HE CRASHES THE CAR. ok moving on

OK HERE IS THE BIG LEAGUE MY FAVORITE BELLARKE SCENE IN THE SERIES. So Bellamy and Clarke have this big heart to heart cause Clarke thinks she’s gonna die and it is the softest scene ever. So Clarke, thinking she’s going to die says “You’ve got such a big heart Bellamy. People follow you, you inspire them because of this (his heart). But the only way we’re gonna make sure we survive is if you use this too (his head aka what Clarke represents in their relationship” AND TO THAT RESPONDS “I got you for that” IN THE MOST TENDER WAY LIKE THEY’RE SO IN LOVE. And also they have one of the best bellarke hugs of the show.

So Bellarke and like 6 of their friends head off to the space station to avoid the death wave. However, the satellite that allows them to get in isn’t working, so Clarke sacrifices her self to go and fix it while the rest of her friends can go to space. Bellamy makes the HEARTWRENCHING DECISION to leave her behind in order to save the rest of his friends from the death wave. So Spacekrew go up to the station to wait 6 years until Earth becomes habitable while Bellamy grieves Clarke’s death.

Except she’s not dead

Clarke has special blood called “nightblood” that made her immune to the radiation. She spends the next six years on the only available plot of green land left with her adoptive daughter Madi (who has nightblood and she found when she survived the radiation.) So for the next 6 years CLARKE CALLS BELLAMY ON THIS RADIO EVERY DAY. This radio doesn’t even work, but Clarke calls him anyways to keep her sane and (imo) this is when I truly think Clarke realizes the depth of her feelings for Bellamy, because I for sure wouldn’t call my platonic buddy EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. for 6 years (THATS 2199 DAYS) like c’mon

S5

Ok so 6 years have passed, and Clarke is waiting for Bellamy + Co (Spacekru) to come back to Earth. But before Spacekru comes back, another ship lands on Earth full of escaped prisoners who have been cryogenically frozen for the past like 150 years. So basically they come to Earth, capture Clarke and hold her hostage, while Madi (her adoptive daughter) escapes.

Literally a little while later Spacekru finds their way back to Earth and stumble upon Madi who tells them Clarke is alive, much to all of their shock but ESPECIALLY Bellamy (cause ya know the love of his life is back from the dead). So he goes to find and rescue her his wife from the prisoners. When he finds her they threaten to shoot him on sight, but he has leverage. He can send a signal back to the spaceship so, he trades 283 lives in order to save Clarke because of course he does.

Bellamy and Clarke finally have their moment to reunite 6 years in the making and it’s as soft and sweet as you could ever expect it to be and they have another one of their classic Bellarke™ hugs.

Ok so happy ending now for them right? They’re finally back together !!! Well NOPE because after Bellamy was done grieving Clarke he got himself a girlfriend :))))))) named Echo (context Echo was an assassin/spy the “bad guys” until end of s4, then she went up to space w/ them) but Bellamys whole schtick is forgiveness, which he learnt from Clarke COUGH COUGH . Anyways when Clarke sees them making out for the first time she is let’s just say ~taken aback~

and the second time she sees them she looks straight up heartbroken !!!

Now that Clarke has finally realized her feelings for Bellamy he’s with another girl :///// But Clarke still holds a very dear position in Bellamy’s heart and we see that when he confronts his sister. Remember Octavia? The sister who he would do anything for??? Well now she’s kinda lost her marbles and became an evil dictator when she was leading everyone in the bunker. So now due to ~plot~ Octavia wants Clarke dead. Bellamy CANNOT have this happen. I mean he just got her back !!! And he pleads for Octavia to save her life and Octavia says this

HIS SISTER WHO KNOWS HIM BEST (well besides Clarke lmao) CALLED HIM OUT ON HIS FEELINGS. And the best part is that Bellamy doesn’t even try to deny it. Then he says “I can’t let you kill Clarke , O” AND PROCEEDS TO POISON HIS SISTER. THE ONE WHO HE HAS RISKED HIS LIFE FOR LIKE FOREVER (she doesn’t die tho) Bellamy choses Clarke over her without hesitation, and that has come a long way my friends. 

Ok while, we’re riding this high it gets kinda worse. So, remember Clarke’s adoptive daughter Madi? Well now Spacekrew wants to put this thing called the flame (ok sorry I glossed over it before but it’s really important to the show, I just hate it !) which all previous leaders of the grounder people had, in Madi’s head because she’s the ~destined~ leader (it’s confusing I know just roll with it). Clarke is like fuck no because she also hates the flame (queen) and doesn’t want Madi to become a leader and carry that burden. So Bellamy locks Clarke up to get to Madi, but then Clarke grabs Madi and leaves Bellamy to die in Octavia’s apocalyptic fighting pit to fend for his life.

Not looking great right? Bear with me for a moment lol. So flash forward to the end of the season and one of the prisoner dudes accidentally sets off a bomb that’s going to destroy the one green valley that was left. Bellamy is pissed at Clarke for leaving him to die, but Clarke was only trying to save Madi but doesn’t know how to fix this. Then Madi (our mini bellarke shipper) tells Bellamy how important she is to him. Like this girl probably watched her make these calls every morning, SHE KNOWS

And just like that Bellamy cannot be mad at Clarke anymore, because he realizes the bond and isolation and dare I say LOVE she must have for him to do that. So they all make it back up to space as Earth explodes for the 2nd time (RIP). So remember that prision ship with cryogenic pods? Yea so now basically everyone who is on Earth is going to rest in these pods until Earth heals itself. Except it doesn’t (at least not in the 10 years they had hoped for). So two of Bellarke’s friends and couple named Monty and Harper stay awake and spend their remaining years finding another planet to live on. And when they find one 125 years later guess who they picked to wake up first. You guessed it, the co leaders themselves Bellarke. So they have a tender moment watching the sun rise over this new planet

S6

Ok this is the last season before we’re caught up but my god it’s a big one for Bellarke. Ok so the season starts off on this new planet and everyone is distrustful of Clarke for what she did on Earth to protect her daughter and make ONE personal sacrifice when she sacrifices everything for everyone all the time god Anyways, on this new planet due to this like “red sun” they hallucinate on the surface and Bellamy says to Clarke “I don’t need you anymore Clarke”(remember this it’s important). After the red sun fiasco, the actual residents of the planet show up (they were descended from an earthship that came there like 250~ years ago).

(I can’t believe I almost forgot to put this but Bellamy tells Clarke about the radio calls before they hallucinate and it’s such a whole some scene and helps to bridge the gap between them once more)

So the people show Bellarke + crew their customs which includes a ceremony where they repent and let go of their past mistakes. Clarke uses this to apologize to Bellamy for her actions as she declares to him “Hey, you’re my family too. I lost sight of that. But I promise I will never forget it again” like boyo that scene brings me to tears like fuck !!! and then once again they have a classic Bellarke™ hug and god it’s a GOOD one.

So yay, they’re on good terms !! That means something bad is about to happen again per usual. So it turns out the leaders of this group of people have been alive for 100s of years using these “mind drives” to back their consciousness up and put into new bodies when their current body dies (fun!). And take a guess as to who has the special blood and can be a new host :))))))))))

Clarke gets stolen and *dies* so Josephine can take over her body. While Josie!Clarke fools everyone for like an episode, guess who is the first to think ‘hey that’s not really Clarke’ ofc our boy Bellamy. AND THEN THEY GIVE BELLAMY AN ENTIRE EPISODE TO GRIEVE CLARKE LIKE HE IS THE ONLY ONE WHO LOOKS THIS SAD THROUGHOUT THE EPISODE. way to be subtle JR

But then guess what !!! Clarke isn’t dead. She’s trapped in her own mind, but very alive. And you’ll never guess how Bellamy finds out. Josie!Clarke taps her fingers on her legs and Bellamy interprets it as morse code that translate into “ALIVE”. LIKE IMAGINE TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO SOMEONE THAT YOUR SUPPOSED DEAD WIFE BESTIE IS STILL ALIVE CAUSE SHE SENT YOU MORSE CODE, LIKE MY BOY I KNOW YOU LOVE HER BUT THAT’S QUITE A STRETCH.

Anyways, this sends Bellamy into overdrive mode, because goddamn it he is not losing her a 3rd time. Throughout the next episodes we see Bellamy prioritize Clarke over everyone, including his girlfriend Echo when she is in danger. He risks himself and even the lives of others to try and save Clarke to get Josie out of her head. And it all culminates to this masterpiece of a Bellarke scene.

Clarke’s heart stops and she won’t get up and Bellamy arguably becomes the most desperate he has ever been. He whispers, “the head and the heart” before LITERALLY BECOMING HER HEART AND PERFORMING CPR ON HER AND BANGING ON HER CHEST TO GET HER TO WAKE UP (HOW MUCH FURTHER CAN THEY TAKE THIS METAPHOR). Even when Octavia gives up, Bellamy yells at her that she’s not dead. “I need you” the first time he has openly admitted that he PERSONALLY needs her in his life. “You’re a fighter Clarke now get up and fight”. Clarke literally (in her mindspace) finds the will to get up and fight by hearing Bellamy’s voice. And like a miracle she wakes up and AN ICONIC AND BEAUTIFUL Bellarke™ hug occurs, even though it looked like she was literally about to kiss him !!!!!! Like tell me these aren’t heart eyes ?!!??!

So then for the rest of the few episodes Bellamy is still super protective of Clarke but they have to split up again because ~plot~. BUT WE HAVE ONE MORE GREAT HURT/COMFORT BELLARKE MOMENT IN THE FINALE. Clarke’s mother had just died, and who does she seek in a crowd for comfort: Bellamy...hopefully you know this by now. God they give each other such meaningful looks in this last scene and have another once again iconic Bellarke™ hug, but it’s a hug where they run into each other like from s2 !!!!! parallels

So they end s6 closer than ever and now we’re all caught up in the present to s7 and lemme be honest besides 7x11, it’s been a HORRIBLE bellarke season, but last episode has had things shake up finally god. So basically everyone assumed Bellamy was dead (including Clarke!!!), but *surprise surprise* he’s alive, but as they soon find out he’s been brainwashed by an evil cult. NOW IT’S CLARKE’S TURN TO SAVE HIM BY BEING HIS HEAD LIKE HE WAS HER HEART LAST SEASON (or I at least hope so). As of writing this post, Bellarke isn’t canon but I’ve been watching this show for 5 years and these two have such a hold on my heart it’s embarrassing, but I hope this explained to you why I and many others will be ridiculously obsessed when it comes to them hehe. Pray for us to be canon, we only have 5 eps left for this beautiful story to come to a conclusion.

[komraekenkru]

I hope you're still willing to do your ranting about a specific character/ship/etc! Because I would love to hear you rant about Emori again (Clarke too, if you would like!)

I am 5 feet two inches of pure salt, I will always be up to rant about Emori and Clarke.

Emori:

She! Shamed! Murphy! For! Being! Raped!

I know it’s cool to say she didn’t realize it and blame it on Murphy for not saying the words ‘I was raped’, but she knew. He was acting different in that scene than in other scenes they’ve been in and he said the words ‘I had no choice’. 

I HAD NO CHOICE!

HOW IS THAT UP FOR DEBATE ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT SHE KNEW!?!

And then Season Four happened and I actually kind of liked their relationship and Emori in general, if I forgot about the previous mentioned victim blaming. They were cute together and loved each other and I was kinda iffy about her using the guy that broke in and lying about him, but it’s a very Murphy thing to do and was smart as hell and if I forgot about not liking her, I really liked it.

Sidenote: They slept together in the room MADE OF WINDOWS WITH NO CURTAINS! Like, do they have an exhibitionist kink? Do they just not give a single fuck? Was everyone else uncomfortable? Did they not notice two people going at it right in front of them? Were they enjoying the show? I NEED ANSWERS!

And then..... Season five. Emori is a bitch. Call me racist, call me a misogynist, call me wrong, I don’t fucking care. I love Murphy and she was a complete bitch to him and used his mental health issues against him. It’s partially projecting - I have mental issues, too, although their different to Murphy’s - and mainly because I love Murphy with my whole ass heart and he deserves None Of This^TM. Fuck her in 5x03, FUCK her in 5x08, just fuck her. I’ll never like her again, I’ll never ship Memori, I’ll never forget about that. She’s done too many fucked up things that I can’t and won’t forgive.

Clarke:

She constantly complains when she has no right to. SHE put herself in a position of power from the second she landed on the ground when no one asked her to. SHE took Lexa’s people and publicly went against her Mother, the Chancellor. SHE decided to pull the lever and not take responsibility for it. SHE continually puts herself in these situations where she’s in over her head and then complains about having no choice. 

Also, I didn’t really like Clexa? Like, I get it, representation of any kind matters, but I refuse to be thankful for a ship that doesn’t make sense and sucks. I want more bisexual characters, but I definitely don’t want Clarke representing me, which seems to be the thing whenever you share someone in common with a character, obviously the represent you and your beliefs based on something perfectly arbitrary, but whatever.

And she locked everyone out of the bunker!!!! And she’s CONSTANTLY abusive to Bellamy!!! And she refuses to take responsibility for her actions!!!! And she treated Wells like shit!!!!! And she doesn’t care about anyone but herself and occasionally her Motheri!!!! She doesn’t give a damn about Madi or she wouldn’t have shock collared her!!!!! Fuck her!!!!!!

Okay, that’s all I can think of for right now, but I’m sure I’ll think of more later. Thanks for asking!

[octaviaobviously]

Hey! I understand that the tag "Lincoln would be so proud of queue" is mainly to let people know it was a queued post/you're not necessarily online, BUT it made me wonder, would you say that he is proud of her now? I think part of him always will be, especially of her willingness to become a unifying factor, but I'm not sure how he would feel about some of the other things that changed while she took control. What do you think? :) - Sarah aka prettyawesometvshows

Hi!

Yes, that’s the tag I use to make sure you guys know I’m not around (although that doesn’t matter much, you can always come and talk to me and I’ll just reply to it when I see it, lol). I really loved hearing Indra tell Octavia that and I loved Octavia’s reaction to it. It meant everything to her and for the first time since she lost him, she could actually feel close to him again and I don’t think you can overestimate the importance of that. It helped her make peace with his death and therefore with her brother (although Bellamy himself helped with that, too, of course).

As for your actual question, I don’t think you could say he’d be “proud” of her right now, but I also don’t think he’d be angry or disappointed. Octavia wanted to unite the clans and she succeeded, to some extent. But what you have to understand about Octavia is that she never wanted to be a leader. She didn’t join the conclave so she could become the next Commander or whichever title someone following Lexa would have chosen for themselves, she joined the conclave because she wanted to fight for the survival of mankind and because she wanted to make sure that all clans would live (I’m pretty sure she was the only champion entering with that state of mind, except maybe for Roan - although then again, the others lost so we’ll never know what they would’ve chosen). That’s all. She won and became Wonkru’s leader by default but it was never what she was after. She didn’t ask to become the person everyone would look at, she didn’t ask to become the person deciding over life of death (and far less serious) matters. This was forced upon her simply because she wanted to do something good: save as many people as possible.

Then those first 46 (or whatever lol) days in the bunker happened and we saw a happy, kind, more or less carefree version of Octavia: all she wanted was to spar with the people she cared about and just sit out those five years until she could return to the only home she ever had: the ground. But the clans decided otherwise, they decided that Octavia won the conclave so she became their new leader, and she was forced into leading them or else. So she did, she became a leader, and she was not a bad one. The clans called for blood because some people stole blankets and she put them in their place, saying that stealing blankets was not a reason to be murdered. She wanted to be a peaceful leader, like Lincoln taught her. Even when it became obvious that population reduction would be necessary, she decided against sacrificing innocent people and decided to ration the food in order to give everyone a fighting chance. She never wanted people to die in that bunker and I think a lot of people are forgetting that. She actually did everything in their power to keep the twelve clans, who had actually always had a very violence-based society, at peace, and it was working.

Until Skaikru did what Skaikru does best, which is believe they have more right than any other human being to survival, because… well, why, exactly? Because Jaha found the bunker? Correct, but that doesn’t mean it was Skaikru’s automatically, the rules of the conclave stated that the winner would get to decide what would happen with the bunker, not the winner’s clan. So Octavia and Octavia alone was allowed to decide after she won and Skaikru should’ve accepted that instead of whining about it like they always do. Kara was wrong to go off at Octavia about it because the bunker was Octavia’s, not Skaikru’s. If Kara wanted to decide what would happen with it, then she should’ve entered the conclace herself but instead she was happy to let Octavia risk her life, like all of Skaikru, and then she (and the rest) started blaming her when the outcome wasn’t what they had hoped. And what did Octavia do, after having been disrespected like that again by the people she owes literally nothing? She still worked her ass off to find a solution so only the guilty would die, she risked her own life again so the innocent would be spared and she’s getting shit for it: story of her life, really. She had to kill those people so only the traitors would die and it made her sick to her stomach, which was shown in that later scene where she rests her head on her table and a single tear makes its way down her cheek. She didn’t want to kill those people, hell, my girl never wanted to kill again and circumstances (read: Skaikru) forced her into it just like she was forced into this role of leader she never wanted to have. Those kills deeply traumatized her, and she had been through so much already, I think that Skaikru’s betrayal made something inside of her finally snap.

I think that for 46 days, Octavia allowed herself to believe that life would finally be calm and peaceful, that she’s finally get a chance to be happy, and then life (again, read: Skaikru) stabbed her in the back and the dream shattered and she became a killer yet again. And then what was she going to do with the guilty she saved from Wonkru’s justified anger along with the innocent? Was she going to lock them up and waste valuable ressources on people who betrayed her the first chance they got? Wonkru would absolutely lose their shit and they’d be right to do so, so she became a killer again, although this time she didn’t have to take her blade and use it herself.

The fighting pits are the best solution Octavia could’ve come up with, no matter how you look at it. Not only did she give the guilty a chance to win back their freedom (whereas on the Ark, committing a crime no matter how small meant a certain death), she also made it into a way to keep the grounders (who, as I’ve stated before, have always been violence-based) calm and accepting of her leadership and on top of that, the population reduction the bunker so desperately needed was taken care of. By justice. Not arbitry, not vengeance, justice. To all the haters out there, what should she have done differently? How should she have ruled the people she never wanted to rule in the first place? She didn’t kill or lose 386 people, she saved 814. Had it been anyone but Octavia as osleya, the bunker would’ve eliminated itself because no one would’ve found the strength and the backbone Octavia had to do what had to be done. That’s why I have such a problem with Bellamy and Clarke’s judgemental asses: they weren’t there. They don’t know what the situation was like. They just saw something they didn’t like and decided to blame Octavia for it, which is entirely ridiculous. It was the only solution Octavia had to save as many people as she could. She kept 814 grounders safe for more than six years, I think she deserves some credit for that.

And then of course there’s the person she became, blodreina, and like I said, no, I don’t think Lincoln would be “proud” of my beloved blodreina. I think he’d be worried about her mental condition, having had to be so fearless and so cold and so strong and so consequent for so long, and I think he would take his sweet time to nurse her back to health. Octavia isn’t a bad person, she’s not a villain, she’s not even in need of a redemption arc because she did nothing she should be redeemed for. She’s a warrior, a soldier who has been in a state of war for far too long so that now it’s all she can see. She needs and deserves peace and love - and sadly it looks like she won’t be getting any of that any time soon.

[blodkru]

You Could Have Done So Much

Linctavia fic. Hamilton inspired.

This is something I wrote while rewatching season 3 today. I needed it and for season 4 and 5 to not exist for a very brief moment. It’s more or less a bunch of thoughts at once and I apologize if it doesn’t make sense. If you’re tagged and don’t want to be, I’d appreciate a RB but I understand if you don’t or don’t like it.

Word count: 3015

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I finally stopped crying.

 She writes the words down with shaking fingers. It hurts just as much as it did the first time she ever wrote in the journal. It doesn’t get better, much to everyone’s disagreement. She’s tired of hearing it really. But she let’s them hope she will be okay, eventually, that she’ll be able to be herself again. But it’s only been 3 years.

Or already 3 years depending how you see it.

3 years since A. L. I.E. Since Roan became King of both Azgeda and the 13 Clans. She’s surprised how well he’s done. But then again, he’s doing what he said he would. He hasn’t lied since he became King. At least, not to Spacekru. Part of her is glad he’s done so well. Clarke becoming a Nightblood had complicated things but only temporarily. Once she found out A. L. I.E. had been lying about the nuclear plants, Clarke wanted nothing to do with being a leader. Octavia had expected her to go back to Floukru with Luna. Something in her had changed once Lexa died; Octavia can’t blame her. Something in her died the day he died. And she wasn’t a leader. Sure, Skairipa was someone people looked up to. But thankfully not to the extent they did Wanheda.

The last she did hear from Clarke, she was in Polis on an ambassador visit. With Bellamy. She wished the two of them would get it over with and become official. Everyone in the 100 wanted them to be together, she wanted them together, even those in Arkadia could see it. If Finn, Lexa, Gina, and Echo couldn’t get in the way then maybe they needed to get it together. Get together.

But it’s never that easy and she knows it.

It had been a full 2 years since she had been in Arkadia, refusing to go there after everything. Seeing the faces of those who all but caused the disasters that happened was nearly impossible. Even seeing Monty’s always kind face was difficult at first. He and Harper did their best to soothe the nightmares she had; more than once she woke to the woman’s concerned face and let herself be comforted. Bellamy would have done the same if she allowed him near her. He was her brother but part of her would never forgive him. He had come to understand that.

But he did send her off with one hug. She couldn’t stay in Arkadia, she needed to leave and find herself. “I love you, O.” He had squeezed her tight and she nodded into his shoulder. She hadn’t been able to make herself respond. She held on for a moment longer before mounting a new horse she came across- Icarus, she named him- and left. Monty had given her a satchel full of just about any medication she would need. And moonshine, of course. Raven gave her a small radio she could use if she ever was in trouble.

“Or if you miss us.” The brunette had shrugged. Octavia had taken it hesitantly. She wasn’t sure if she would ever use it; trouble or not. Abby gave her more medication and told her to please be safe. Even Clarke had sent her off. She had simply told her to be safe and if she was ever in need of supplies, Nylah would never charge her for them at the trading post.

2 years had felt like so much and no time all at once. She of course had seen her friends and brother since then. Once every 3 or 4 months they would run into each other in one place or another. Mainly the trading post. She quickly figured out Nylah would let Spacekru know when she would be at the post for more than 1 day. They would show up only hours later. Part of her wanted to hate the woman for doing so. But she couldn’t, not with every kind and knowing word she would say.

 I spoke to the last of your friends yesterday. You left a journal with him, too.

 Since leaving Arkadia, Octavia had traveled. With boarders being less of a factor now- and people fearing Skairipa- she was able to go nearly wherever she pleased. She decided on tracking down any and everyone who knew him. It was hard, much harder than she even thought possible, but she managed. She started with Indra.

“He was a great healer, Octavia. You know just as I do.” Getting the warrior to open up had been difficult in its own way. Octavia pleaded with her multiple times; had sat outside her hut for three days until Indra relented. Indra had watched him grow up, they were both Trikru after all. He had grown kinder than other boys; he hadn’t wanted to be a warrior. Much to his father’s chagrin. His mother died when he was only 6 years old from a disease that took a dozen or so others with her. Since then, he had wanted to be a healer and help others. Especially since the man in the ship who his father made him kill. Octavia had left more than satisfied. She wrote everything down in the same journal he had given her.

She couldn’t bring herself to ever lose it.

She found others soon after Indra. The woman had let slip that Octavia was looking for others who could tell her about him. Friends of his came out of nowhere. As far as Octavia had known, he didn’t have many friends. But people did know about him. Many men, woman, even one or two children sought out the infamous killer from the sky. The told her stories, times he had helped them. Sickness, injury, anything. If he was needed, he would help.

It wasn’t long before she found out he would leave journals with these people. Much like the one she had; drawings, notes, medicine ingredients littered the pages. The all too familiar handwriting was like a blessing each time she would meet someone who had one. More than not, they would give them to her. The first woman had all but shoved it into her hand. She refused to keep it, claiming she had memorized everything she needed, and Octavia should have it. Everyone knew of the grounder and sky girl who fell in love. They wanted to help the love story in some capacity.  She hardly slept. She stayed awake days at a time just reading everything he wrote. It took her almost the full two years since she left to find them all.

The last notebook came in the form of a young man on the outskirts of Trishanakru. Him, his parents, and brothers. They had also heard of the girl seeking notebooks from her lost love. The mother had greeted her with a hug Octavia tried to keep away from. The father asked her to stay for dinner and rest in their spare shed. “Even killers such as yourself need rest.” She had grimaced and politely declined. Only when she was given the last journal did she change her mind.

He cornered her just as she was about to mount Icarus. “Wait!” He came running out of the home and up to her. He held out a notebook a little smaller than the others. “Stay, please. I want you to have this and please stay. Just for the night.” She had taken the book and flipped to the front page. Handwriting she would know anywhere met her. She held the book to her chest as she considered the offer.

She accepted.

 You wrote so much. I’m surprised you didn’t write books. Encyclopedias even. Some of it makes no sense to me- what even is a pomegranate? I wish you could explain it to me.

 Making her way back to Polis had been a hard decision.

But word had spread that King Roan was having the leaders and ambassadors of every Clan meet. She wasn’t part of a Clan anymore…was she? Two years on her, going here or there, led her to feeling like she belonged in no clan. Nokru. A Clan of one. She decided to go there and see what the meeting was about.

She hadn’t expected to come back to the mess she did. Then again, everywhere seemed to be a mess really. Something was always going wrong. She arrived in Polis the day of the meeting. The city had been surprisingly quiet as she entered. Even Icarus seemed uneasy. When she came to the tower, it was almost like they were expecting her. She left her horse there but took her bag. It held every single notebook she had managed to find, and she refused to be separated from it. She walked right up to the war counsel room and entered without a second thought. All 13 Clan leaders and ambassadors surrounded the center table.

“Octavia?” Of course, her brother had been there. He had grown a not too shabby beard and looked less tired than the last time she’d seen him. Clarke hung by his side; it took Octavia seconds to realize they held hands. She bit back the smile that almost surfaced.

“Skairipa, nice of you to join us.” Roan addressed her. She nodded at him and was pleased to see Indra to his right. She hadn’t seen the woman in over a year. Octavia weaved through the bodies in the room and came to stand next to Indra. The older woman welcomed her at her side. “As I was saying, about the attacks.” Roan continued what they had been discussing. Octavia scanned the small crowd for faces she knew. Bellamy and Clarke, Kane and Abby, two or three ambassadors from neighboring Clans, Echo (the woman’s face made her want to gouge out her eyes). To her surprise, Luna had been there. The curly haired woman met her eyes with a sad stricken face.

Octavia found out quickly how dire the situation was. A group of rogue Grounders were slaughtering villages. They killed anyone just for the food and shelter. Many children were left orphaned and starving. Three parties were being sent out: one to find and bring the children to Polis, another to provide medical care to any they found, and the last to stop the rogues. Octavia didn’t hesitate to volunteer for the last one. Along with nearly half the group. It was decided Skaikru would lead the medical party. With Clarke and Abby as the only doctors in the group. The scout party would be led by Indra and Luna, along with an ambassador from Trishanakru and Podakru.

Roan and Echo would lead the kill squad. Octavia had bit her tongue about Echo. Roan had nearly banished her for betraying Skaikru and attempting to kill Octavia. How could anyone trust her now? It didn’t matter in the end. The found the men who were behind the killings and heresy. They found them camped out near Arkadia of all places. There were more casualties than Octavia had wanted. She left the battle bruised and bloody; nothing unusual. Bellamy had broken his hand beating the living hell out of one man. Even Roan walked away with a broken nose and bruised ribs. But the men had been caught and dealt with in a more humane way than Octavia had wanted.

With the men taken care of, they had found some people had been kept as prisoners. Specifically young girls. Octavia had been disgusted and set them free with Echo’s help. The girl’s and woman cried and thanked them as they were led to safety. Octavia refused to accept the praise. Echo had shrugged and told her she should accept it. “You saved their lives. Who knows what would have happened to them if we hadn’t found them in time.” Malice echoed her words. Octavia reciprocated her anger. For once, she was glad to be back in battle. Blood, bruises, and everything that came with it.

 I think you would be proud of me. I killed for a cause this time, saved people. You should have seen how many people there were. So many little girls who didn’t know what was going on. I couldn’t just leave, right?

 One little girl attaches herself to Octavia. Her hair was deep brown with dozens of braids. Her skin such a familiar sepia it was almost odd. Her eyes are what got Octavia. The light brown made the hardened warrior melt. The little girl had appeared by her side one day a week after the incident. She sat on the floor next to Octavia’s feet and stayed there the whole time Octavia spoke to Clarke. The older of the two had been checking up on her injuries when suddenly, there was a child. Neither thought much of it as the infirmary was crowded with injured and scared children. But when Octavia tried to leave, the little girl had gotten up and followed. Octavia thought it was odd to say the least.

“Maybe she likes you. You are well known, after all.” Clarke had shrugged and left the two. The little girl couldn’t have been more than 8 years old. She wore simple black pants and a shirt and looked like she needed a bath. And shoes. Her tiny feet were bare and red. Octavia had looked around petrified for a moment. Who was this child? Why was she following her?

“What’s your name?” She finally spoke to the girl.

 You’d like her, Linc. She looks so much like you it had me almost in tears all over again. She even acts like you I have to think you had a secret child you never told me about. She’s quiet but loves learning. Especially about medicine and healing. She spends almost as much time with Clarke and Abby as she does me. Bellamy likes her and thinks she’s good for me. Just like you were. But her eyes are what get me the most. I don’t think I’ve been able to look her in the eyes without almost breaking down. I think she understands, though. She asks about you. Who you were, what you were like, why you wrote so much. I tell her everything. About you, you saving me when I fell off that damn embankment. You helping Skaikru. Arkadia. Even about us almost escaping to Luna. She likes that story the best. I do too. Sometimes she tells me to rewrite it like we did make it. I haven’t been able to. For now, she likes reading your journals and learning everything you’ve taught everyone else. What you taught me.

 Octavia sits in front of a fire. It’s been another 2 years. 2 years since the last entry she had written. She has all the journals still and reads them frequently. More than she did any mythology book Bellamy gave her. She reads them to Rory mostly. The little girl she’s come to love is now 9 and still loves bedtime stories. Love. Octavia doesn’t know how the word snuck its way back into her life but it did. Along with every emotion and heartache that came with it. She wouldn’t change it for anything.

Since Polis, she continued traveling. Only this time she had a purpose. She became a tracker and map maker. There had to be more of the world than the small area of TonDC and Azgeda. The desert could surely only go on for so long. So, when Roan approached her with plans to seek the West, Octavia took the job happily. Rory would come with her along with anyone else she wanted to take. She had been hesitant to take anyone else. Only when Indra and Bellamy found out her plan to leave at night did she allow others to come. Bellamy brought Clarke, of course. Indra brought Gaia. It was startling to see the Flame Keeper after so many years. She had chopped her hair off and wore more warrior type clothing like her mother.

Together, the group of 6 found life in parts of the world they never thought possible.

Octavia looked up at the sky and down to the body in front of her. Rory lay between her legs with her head resting on Octavia’s chest. She kept her legs tight around the girl, always afraid of letting her go. Bellamy and Clarke were fast asleep on the other side of the fire. Indra and Gaia are looking at maps and writing down everything they’ve come across. They don’t seem to notice Octavia as she looks at her makeshift family.

Family is a word she never thought would be in life again. After losing her mother, Lincoln, almost Bellamy, and even herself. But she has her odd family now and wouldn’t give it up for anything. There was only one person missing from it. But he was there, as long as Octavia continued to read his journals and tell his stories. Their stories. Soon to be Rory and the rest of the family’s stories. They’ve formed their own nomad Kru now. The name was hard for her to get use to, but she knew Rory meant well when they all discussed it. It was to honor him.

He would live on and he would be there with her.

 Though I can’t wait to see you again, I know I have to keep living. For Bellamy, for Rory. Even for Clarke, Indra, and Gaia. We’ve found so much I can’t wait to tell you about it all. I’ve started writing in my own journals since this one is becoming a little worse for wear. Rory still reads them and can quote front to back. I hope you’re watching somewhere. I hope you can see me and what I’m doing for our people, for the world. For you. I think this will be my last entry in this journal. Hopefully by the time I pass these on, the words won’t be faded or total nonsense. It’s only a matter of time.

May we meet again.

Octavia kom Linckru.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Tagged (I hope you guys liked it?)

@and-now-youre-home  @madigriffen @gardenofstories @miles-ezekiel @bellarke-stydia-olicity

[algaecoma]

Jasper and Emori Part 2

My attempt at writing a Jasper on the Ring au went poorly, mainly because I had far too many thoughts on the subject and I was 80,000 words in with no sign of getting to any sort of point any time soon.

So, Emori saved everyone’s life from Jasper’s despair, mainly by telling him he wasn’t allowed to decide life and death, not even his own. And that answered the question of if they had anything to offer each other. Emori could give him a reason to allow himself to live.

The question then becomes: what does Jasper have to offer Emori?

The answer: certainty of returned love.

Jasper Jordan is beloved, in and out of universe. He wasn’t supposed to survive the pilot, but the actors and creators loved him too much to let him go, Wells died instead. He wasn’t supposed to survive the first season, but the writers loved him too much to let him go, Finn died instead. He wasn’t supposed to survive his attempted suicide at the start of season three, but the fans loved him too much to let them let him go, Lexa died instead. Turned out the fans loved Lexa too much to let her go either and they decided to correct their mistake by ... killing off Jasper too?? Genius.

The fans felt a bit forced to let him go at that point, but mainly because it’s a painful topic rather than because they want to keep him living.

My answer was to have Monty love him too much to let him go. Drug him and keep him unconscious until he wakes up on the Ring. Another betrayal, only this one Jasper can’t deny the reason. He can’t say it’s because Monty was a coward, that he valued his own life over Maya’s, he has to accept that Monty loves him too much to let him go, even if that’s what he wants, even if Jasper hates him for it.

Even if Monty was willing to kill his own mother and commit genocide, because he loved other things more.

Monty’s love becomes a mirror of Bellamy’s love. Sibling love. Unconditional and certain the less mature has no understanding of what’s best for them. Jasper becomes a mirror of Octavia in the way Clarke was supposed to be in season 5. Self-destructive in the service of others, because that’s the love they’ve known.

Clarke has always been a mirror of Bellamy, trying to reflect Octavia in her too led to some seriously confusing choices in season 5. Octavia was a reflection of Bellamy that Bellamy looked at and didn’t like much. Clarke was supposed to be the reflection of Octavia that Octavia looked at and liked, but with Bellamy changed, Clarke distorted and we ended up with three Bellamys who we were supposed to feel different things about. Bellamy, being actually Bellamy, could be Bellamy.

Anyway, Jasper as Octavia. He trusts that he is loved.

Emori doesn’t.

Her mother threw her away for her deformity, Baylis messed with her perception of love as a child to exploit her in whatever way, Otan, her brother, was the only one who kept loving her the whole way and he’s dead. (Raising the questions of if Otan is her biological brother and if he is, if her mother threw them both away in the same place at the same time, sold them both to Baylis or had them taken from her.)

She is terrified of Murphy’s love, because it could get him killed and doesn’t he know that and isn’t he willing to do whatever it takes to survive just like her?

The bit where Murphy is thinking the exact same thing is why they’re so good together.

But Emori has trouble believing he’s thinking that and if he is, she’d like him to stop so he can survive. Once again, Murphy thinking the same thing.

They both want the other to stop loving them, but they love them, so they want them to love them back, but they love them, so they want them to stop loving them and so on ad infinitum.

Jasper is starting to realise that you don’t get much choice in who loves you and all you can do is ask yourself if you love them back and if that’s enough to forgive them. He loves Monty, but that love challenges some of his core beliefs about good and evil.

By his moral code, Monty is evil and, since Jasper loves him and is willing to ignore that, Jasper is also evil.

Very shortly after the last segment, Murphy falls into an algae coma and Raven radios for help. Jasper advises Emori to do what he wishes Monty had done. Canon, that was Jasper’s happy ending.

“You’re not going?” Jasper asks.

Emori shrugs. “They’ll do the best they can for him. I’d just be in the way. You need me more.”

“But you love him.” Jasper doesn’t understand, if it was Monty or Harper (or Maya), he’d need to be there.

“Yes.”

“Then you should go.”

“I love him enough to stay right here until I’m sure you’re no danger to him.”

Jasper raises his empty hands. “I’m not. I swear.”

She still doesn’t move.

“If you don’t believe me then I’ll come with you. Come on, get up, we’re going.”

“No.”

“No?”

“I told you, I have nothing to offer if I go. I have no – no cure. All I do if I go is be forced to watch them fail to save him. Or succeed without me.”

There’s no disguising Jasper’s anger when he says, “You can let him know you give a shit. That you’re scared for him. That you’d trade not needing to remember him in pain for a chance to say goodbye. That if this is all you have left together, you’ll spend every second of it with him. Instead of hiding.

“And if he survives, your face needs to be the first he sees. Because then he’ll know. He’ll know you love him. And – and you should say it. So he knows you know too. Because he loves you and he deserves to know or he’ll just keep doubting it goes both ways. That’s why you need to go.”

[hamletteprinceofdenmark]

You act so proud of your reply to the other clexa anon (which wasn't hate at all, more indicative of YOUR mindset) yet you ignore the real point: Les/biphobic representation IN MEDIA. Nowhere did anon say bi/pan women falling in love w/men is wrong IN REAL LIFE. Congrats on misrepresenting anon's point. Then you go off on a tangent defending the "validity" of your ship when it's nothing to do with the ask. Then you attack grammar, because improper grammar MUST mean their argument is less sound.

Oh Nonny,

Do you feel better now? Now that you’ve let it all out?

First I’d like you to point out where I was proud, in the negative/haughty sense you seem to indicate. Statements without evidence is just opinion and therefore not persuasive. You need to provide evidence or your arguments fall flat. PEEL, Nonny, PEEL. Point, EVIDENCE, example, link. I’m pretty sure we covered this in Year 8, come on.

Now we broach the much bigger subject of fiction vs reality and how they impact one another. Honestly I could do an entire meta on this without your help and/or encouragement.

The OG anon in no way indicated that when she was talking about les/biphobia that they were talking purely about media. In fact, the exact quote was “damaging tropes condoning homophobic and biphobic prejudice.” Which seems to indicate that they were talking about how fiction can inform our real world prejudice, which is how I interpreted it. The trouble with text is that we can often be misinterpreted, so I’m open to the idea that I might be wrong, but I need you to convince me nonny, and so far, you’re not.

I only used real world examples to emphasise my point, but mainly used the “the 100” text as evidence, as that’s what we were talking about. I still don’t see how Bellamy and Clarke ending up together is les/biphobic in anyway, since Clarke is not a lesbian, Clexa was left on mutual if tragic terms - with them both still very much caring for each other, and as I have stated before a bi woman ending up with a man is in no way biphobic because attraction is a spectrum not an either or game. She has just as much right to be attracted to Bellamy as she did to Lexa.

The relationship between reality and the fiction we choose to create and consume is an incredibly important one and I think it is vital to think of them together. Often fiction informs our thoughts and prejudices just as much as our real life experiences, which is why tropes like “Bury Your Gays” and the general misunderstanding of multiple gender attraction can be so destructive.

By indicating that they thought Bellarke would be les/biphobic, OG anon did indicate, at least to me, that bi women getting together with men in real life would be equally damning. That’s not okay with me. I argued accordingly.

By accepting something in fiction, you accept it - even in a small way - in life.

I will agree that that paragraph where I indulged in a little Clexa vs Bellarke was petty and immature, but do you know what nonny? I felt petty. I felt angry and annoyed that we are still having these pointless arguments two years later. I will never understand the pain Clexas went through. I didn’t identify with either Lexa or Clexa, and while I empathised and understand on an intellectual level, I don’t really have that emotional connection to how everything ended for you. But to still hold on to a broken dream and try to drag others down into your pit of despair years later? Frankly, it’s pathetic.

It was petty, but I felt petty, and I indulged in that pettiness for once in my life and I am not sorry. You will not get an apology from me for pointing out the flaws in “the 100”’s writing team. I really wanted to root for Clexa, but it felt ridiculously rushed and I didn’t believe in it. Not in that “we are soulmates forever” way. It didn’t feel earned and I will keep saying that.

And finally, the grammar jab. Again, not my finest moment, I could have been less sassy about it. But I am an English tutor. I had just come back from doing this for 2 hours, and honestly? Would it have killed them to use a colon?

We are a fundamentally judgemental race, the only indication we have of each other is the text we are sending over the ether. If you don’t have the patience or self respect to proof check your own work before sending it to someone, how do you expect them to respect you?

Internet speak has fluid grammar it’s true, but that anon was clearly not using that, and the tutor in me riled. Grammar is the easiest way to make ourselves clear in a text-only format. Choosing to ignore that also sends a very clear message.

4/10 for execution.

If you feel this mark was unfair, resubmit your anonymous hate to the ask box with the appropriate recommended changes or feel free to message me at any time for a more direct feedback session.

We’re both aware that you can do better.Remember I’m always here to help you improve and present your best self.

- Professor Qwerty

[hedaswarrior]

Everyone is so emotional over Lexa today and you haven’t posted anything. So just checking with you Erin. Hope you’re fine. I’m sorry just so emotional and sad today. And I’ll probably be crying tomorrow :(

:( I hope you’re doing well anon. And thank you for checking in on me :)

I’m actually doing really well, surprisingly. The saying time helps heal wounds, is definitely partly true. But, what helps more is that March 3rd now is a different anniversary for me…..March 3rd is now the anniversary of me going to Clexacon. 

March 3rd is now not solely the date where I felt severe hopelessness, sadness, and devastation – but instead offset with a feeling of togetherness, hope, love, and peacefulness.  I’m SOOOO grateful that the Clexaon organizers decided to have the first Clexacon start on March 3rd to change this for me. This day is bittersweet, but ultimately, I’m reminded that Lexa didn’t die in vain. The fandom didn’t let her. Lexa’s death was a tipping point for hopeful change in the industry to be aware of the BYG trope and realize that representation matters. I fully believe that Maggie Sawyer was written off Supergirl instead of killed off mainly due to the awareness brought forth by the LGBT+ community in light of 307.

March 3rd was the first day of the Clexacon convention. I still remember this day so vividly from start to finish. The first panel of the convention was “Lexa’s Legacy” where they showed a video. [LINK]. Watching the video back alone in my room, I’m reminded how special watching it with people at clexacon was. I’m sad that people that were not there were not able to experience it. The energy, the cheers, the togetherness…. the understanding. I found a video that someone took of the video being shown and the panel… but still, it doesn’t encapsulate the full experience of being in that room and how it felt – it was palpable in the air. Everyone understood why we were all there and how Lexa was more than just a fictional character – she was the face of a greater movement. It was truly a special moment I’ll never forget.

I could go on and on about Clexacon as I relive it in my memories. It brings me solace relieving these memories. Solace that there is hope. Not only hope for me and my personal journey, but also for the future for the community and representation as a whole. I reread “My Clexacon Experience” post and looked at the tag I had for Clexacon17 and got very emotional again. I’m so grateful and glad I went. I hope people that go in 2018 will have a similar or even better experience. 

Long story short: This date isn’t just the 2nd anniversary of 307, it is the 1st anniversary of Clexacon. And the latter’s positive memories outweigh the former’s destructive ones. 

[galaxyblake]

The 100 Ask:

Tagged by MYSELF. Lol

rules: answer as many as you want if tagged and then tag three more people OR just reblog it and treat it as a regular ask meme!! have fun xoxo

1. What would you get arrested for on the Ark? Is fighting a crime? Because when I was younge that would’ve been it, now? Idk probs for stealing books lol

2. Would you take off your wristband when you landed on the ground? No, probably not.

3. What would the necklace Finn would make for you look like? (Clarke: deer/Raven: a raven duh..) An archer because archery is my shit👌🏽

4. If you could resurrect any MINOR character who would it be? My boy Wells Jaha. He deserved more than 3 episodes. I’m still hoping that he’s regenerated from his fingers because of the radiation 👀

5. Create a squad of 5 characters to go on missions with. Who are they? Bellamy, Clarke, Raven, Monty and Emori.

6. Minty or Briller? Minty until they introduced Bryan. But now I’m becoming a ho for Mackson so... 😬

7. What would your name be in Trigedasleng? (example: Octavia=Okteivia…just make it up!): Soneiya? Lol

8. Thoughts on Finn? I’m pretty indifferent towards him, always have been. He was interesting but he was a very generic character. Doesn’t mean he was good or bad, it just would’ve been better to see more of who he is.

9. Be honest. How willing would you have been to take the chip without knowing all the horrible things it does? I definitely wouldn’t have taken it. I’m a skeptic when it comes to stuff for headaches so a random chip thing? No.

10. What character do you relate to most & What character do you like the least not including the obvious ones like Pike, etc… I relate to Bellamy’s impulsive and protective nature because I’m a big sister, I relate to Clarke’s bisexuality and I relate to Ravens need to push through pain.

11. Describe your delinquent outfit: I would probably wear a black jacket with a lighter gray shirt/pants so I don’t draw too much heat and I’d wear boots and a headband made from an old shirt.

12. Favorite type of mutant animal? I wanna see a mutant squirrel loll

13. What would your job be on the Ark? I’d def. wanna be a guardswoman

14. Would you have willingly pumped Ontari’s heart if Abby asked it? Would I have been able to? Yeah. Would I have wanted to? No. Fuck Ontari lol

15. If Lexa wasn’t Heda, but she’s still alive right? then who would make the best commander? ANYA. SHE SHOULDNT HAVE DIED

16. If you were a grounder, then where would you live and who would be your mentor? I’d like to think that I’d be trikru and my mentor would be Indra because I value strength and courage but I like how Luna’s clan is peaceful. I wouldn’t want to kill people the way they are killed in the show.

17. How would you act if you ate the hallucinogenic nuts like Jasper and Monty? I would probably just laugh a lot and tell raven how much I love her lol

18. How would you have dealt with Charlotte’s crime? I really don’t know. If we banished her, she’d die. If we held a trial, she’d be sentenced to death. If we had her locked up until Skaikru came down we would’ve had to have someone watching and it would’ve wasted manpower so idk.

19. Who should be the Chancellor, if anyone? Bellamy and Clarke are the best co leaders I’ve seen on this show. I don’t think 1 leader is ever good in this show.

20. Mount Weather had a lot of modern commodities. (example: Maya’s Ipod)What is the one thing you would snatch while there? Probably nothing high tech. I don’t really like technology so can I steal books instead??

21. Do you think you’d have caught the virus spread through camp or would you have been immune like Octavia? I wouldve likely been immune, mainly because I rarely get sick.

22. What would your grounder tattoos look like? Hairstyle? War paint? I would probably have a tribal tattoo where it tells a story and I would want them on my back and arms and chest and my hairstyle would be a braid with a headband and my warpaint would be handprints over my eyes.

23. Favorite quote? “Screw fear, I’m writing my own damn story.” 👏🏽👏🏽

24. Can you forgive Murphy for his actions? How about Bellamy? I would quite literally die for both of them, so yes.

25. If one of the characters was in the Hunger Games, who would have the best shot at winning? If we’re just counting delinquents, I would say either Bellamy or Clarke. Octavia is a good fighter but in THG those people don’t always win because they’re impulsive and would just look for a fight. Bellamy is smart and good with axes and knives so he has an advantage with distance. Clarke is smart and would pull a Johanna and act weak and then fuck everyone up.

26. Least favorite ship? Favorite ship? NOT INCLUDING CLEXA OR BELLARKE. Least fav. Murphy x ontari favorite Emori X Murphy

27. A song that should be included in the next season, like when Radioactive was? I just wanna hear radioactive again TBH

28. What would you do if you were stuck in the bunker with Murphy for all that time? I would have him teach me how to cook and we would braid each others hair and talk about how wonderful Emori is.

29.Opinion on Emori? Roan? I love both

30. Would you want to be an extra that is killed off in a brutal way? If I get to meet the cast then YES. KILL ME.

31. A character you’d like to learn more about and get flashbacks of? Jasper and Monty on the Arc being stoner dorks 🖤

32. A character you’d bang? Bellamy, Clarke, Raven, Murphy, Lincoln, Harper, Emori, Lexa, should I go on??? Lol (but only after the time jump if they were underage)

I tag: @pillowprincesslexa @bellamy6lake @bellamynochillblake @nerdiestblake @perhalta @clxrkblakee @malecbellarke

[imthetoxin]

What made you decide to write this muse? // Thoughts on the fandom you’re currently RPing in? // What’s something you enjoy? Be it a food, a band, etc.

Munday Questions– accepting!

Honestly, i’ve been in the 100 fandom before. It’s been on and off for me. I do not remember my blogs because I remember usually leaving because the fandom would die out or we’d lose so many characters. My muse just started up again for Clarke all thanks to the excitement and all. So I decided why not? I’ve just grown accustomed to playing her and if I tried Lexa or any other muse, i’d probably do so bad.Which is why I stuck to Clarke.

So this is slightly controversial due to the posts i’ve seen on the dash over time. Let me just say, I love the fandom in terms of being able to plot, talk to people about plotting, about the show. What I dislike is the blatant hate that’s usually always thrown around– mainly for the deaths, the ships, etc. I think i’ve just learned to block that out so I can enjoy the show because really, what else can we do? Aside from vent via posts. 

Coffee. I love love love coffee. I have an addiction and I need to get over it. I don’t even know why I love it so much but I need it. I used to love to read because all I had was time to read. I rarely get to do that anymore. I love a day off where I don’t have to do anything. I mean, as a single parent that’s working full time and goes to school– I die for a day where my mom or siblings aren’t telling  me to run errands. Tell me I can’t be the only one? And sleep. I love sleep. I don’t remember the last time i’ve had a decent amount of it dammit. So PSA – Remember to take nap time any chance you get, friends. You’ll regret it when more responsibilities come your way.

[kokkoro]

violet blue 2/?

A little something for clexa halloween week. Day 3, but also kind of day 2 cause why the heck not. i was born for this kind of stuff.

summary: General wolf rules for life: Eat. Rest. Rove in between. Render loyalty. Love the children. Cavil in moonlight. Tune your ears. Attend to the bones.  Make love. Howl often.     Clarissa Pinkola Estes

or

being moms is hard, being werewolf moms in the suburbs is even harder. (on ao3)

“Mrs. Jefferson came up to me today,” Clarke begins, the both of you standing hip to hip at the sink cleaning the mess dinner left. The kids doze off on the couch, a movie playing softly on the television.

“And what did Mrs. Jefferson want?” you say, handing Clarke a plate that she dries absently and then places with the others.

“She said Chloe saw a big dog wandering around our backyard.”

It’s a testament to your self-control that the bowl in your hand doesn’t slip from your fingers and plunge back into the kitchen sink. Your face is impassive, cool and controlled, but the time it takes for you to respond is more than enough for Clarke.

“Lexa.”

“I wasn’t caught unaware, Clarke, I took a risk.”

“And you failed,” Clarke says.

You turn to shoot her a glare, but you spot that curl to the corner of her mouth and you soften immediately at the unexpected amusement playing across her face.

“I didn’t think she’d see me,” you confess, handing Clarke the bowl and she leans into your side, chuckling. “It’s not funny.”

“Kinda.” she says, kissing your shoulder. “Chloe wants to know if you’re friendly. Her mother is more worried about whether or not you have your shots.”

Clarke laughs at the affronted look that crosses your face, putting aside the bowl to snake an arm around your waist and tug you close, thumb dipping below the waistline of your sweatpants. Your hands find her hips, still sudsy from the water, and she kisses your neck, your jaw, the corner of your mouth, and you know what she’s doing and it’s working.

“Her mother asked me if it was okay for Chloe to come over and say hello,” Clarke says, her lips finally finding yours in a brief kiss. “Her father’s allergic, so they can’t have pets and--”

“And you want me to play the part? I’m the farthest thing from a house pet, Clarke.”

Her arms wrap loosely around your neck and you brush your nose against hers. “You’re basically a big german shepard.”

“A german shepard, Clarke? You insult me.”

‘Is that a no?”

“No.”

“No you don’t want to or no it’s not a no.”

You kiss her lightly on the lips and she lets you go when you pull away, fishing for the dish cloth in the luke-warm water to finish off the last of the dishes still soaking in the sink. “What are you going to tell the kids?”

“Is there something I should tell them? Besides to behave?”

You laugh at that. “They’re not exactly…” you trail off though, unable to find the right word.

Her arms circle your waist and you feel her against your back. “What was it you said about taking risks?”

“I said they were strong. There’s a difference.”

“Difference between what.”

“Recognizing that there are times when I can and can’t be their mom,” you say, scrubbing at a particularly tough spot of caked on spaghetti sauce. Simply the thought of having to ignore them for sake of humans and a world that isn’t ready for you is outrageous to you. “They’re toddlers, Clarke, they wouldn’t know any better. And they shouldn’t have to.”

She gives a you reassuring squeeze. “Then we’ll just make sure they’re preoccupied.”

“All because one little girl likes dogs?”

“You’d make her day.”

You huff under your breath, shaking your head as you place the last plate in the clean sink to drip dry. “Fine,” you concede after a moment and Clarke pulls you into a hug, pressing her forehead to the middle of your back

“You have such a soft spot for kids it’s unbelievable.”

“Don’t tell anyone,” you joke despite the serious tone to your voice and Clarke laughs.

“Not a soul.”

You’re waiting patiently by the entryway to the kitchen when Clarke goes to let Mrs. Jefferson in, a sleeping Madi draped over her shoulder and the other’s napping in the playroom. Chloe trails behind by just a smidge, holding her mother’s hand. She’s no older than your kids, four at the most and maybe as tall as Lily, with curly hair and large brown eyes and a cute little striped sweater. You trot over to Clarke’s side as the pleasantries are made, claws clacking against the floor, and take seat at her side.

When Chloe spots you her eyes go wide with wonder. Mrs. Jefferson jumps. “--good lord.” The hand at her heart gradually lowers, but the apprehension is more than apparent in her eyes. “And this is?”

“Heda,” Clarke supplies and if you could roll your eyes you would. She’s quick to follow up with, “My mother’s german shepard. We’re dog sitting for the week.”

“A little big for a german shepard.” Mrs Jefferson muses. “He’s good with kids?”

“She’s great,” Clarke says, the unsaid obviously hanging between them.

You’re only paying half attention to the conversation around you, focused mainly on the little girl partially hidden behind her mother’s legs. She stares at you and you wag your tail, letting your tongue loll out of your mouth. You feel more than a little ridiculous, but she giggles, clutching tighter at her mother’s pants, and it’s worth it.

“Can I, momma? Can I?”

Mrs. Jefferson eyes you suspiciously, but after one look at Clarke, who smiles and gestures encouragingly, she leads her daughter closer. You lay down, stretching lazily, and then rest your head on your paws. Chloe seems unsure of what to do now that she’s close, and she looks back to her mother before squatting in front of you. Her hands are small, covered partially by her sweater sleeves, and when she reaches out to pat you lightly on the head you’re reminded just how precious children are.

“Good dog,” she says seriously, and you hear Clarke try to stifle her giggles against Madi’s cheek.

Clarke and Mrs. Jefferson move into the kitchen to chat, but they keep an eye on you and Chloe from their seats at the table. Not that they need to. You’re more than capable of watching her by yourself even in this form, but that’s not exactly something you can say. She sits between your front paws, reaching for your ears that you flick away from her grasp and running her little fingers through your thick fur. She’s as gentle as human children can be, which is far more than you’re used to. What with every one of your children besides possibly Lily feeling the need to test all their boundaries with their teeth. It’s a welcome change of pace to be sure.

You nudge her with your nose when she tugs a little too hard, the coldness causing her to recoil giggling, and that’s the moment Danny chooses to come hurtling from the other room, roused awake from her nap by who knows what but certainly feeling a bit left out.

“Danny!” Clarke yelps, bolting upright from her chair, Madi still held close, and in some form of a miracle is able to snag her daughter by the back of her shirt before she barrels headlong into your side.

“Momma!” she says, directed at you, eyes pleading as if you’ll free her from Clarke’s grasp.

“Is at work and will be back later just like she promised,” Clarke says, holding fast, and the glance she shares with you is uncanny in its resemblance to Danny’s. Imploring. You’re not sure what they think you can do.

Danny goes limp, her frown large and exaggerated, and Clarke’s grip loosens in stages until she allows Danny to wriggle free. Your daughter stumbles over to you, sidling up close to rub her face in your fur. Chloe eyes her warily and you shift to nudge Danny with your nose, licking at her cheeks and she presses closer.

“Do you like dogs too?” Chloe whispers, and Danny peeks from your fur, giving a small nod.

“Yeah,” she says, just as soft, fingers threaded tightly through your fur, holding on.

Chloe smiles brightly at the admittance and you hear Clarke sigh. You turn to watch as she settles back into her chair, rubbing Madi’s back. You know she’ll be hungry soon but so does Clarke.

She places Madi down gently when she begins to wiggle a few minutes later and she hobbles over the moment she’s stable on her feet. Her steps are uneven and a bit clumsy, and she drapes herself over you, giggling. you flop onto your side with a dramatic huff. Clarke likes to say you baby them, but who doesn’t like to be warm.

Clarke invites Mrs. Jefferson and Chloe to stay for a little snack but the offer is politely declined. You can hear your children in the other room slowly rousing from their naps. Mrs. Jefferson picks herself up from her chair to retrieve Chloe from where she’s found a spot next to Danny, babbling intently as the both of them lounge against you, Madi playing with your paws.

Chloe stops mid sentence when her mother hoists her up, taken aback by the sudden predicament. “No,” she pouts, cheeks puffed and squirming. From what you can see, Danny looks just as disappointed.

“I’m sure Mrs. Woods will let us visit Heda again sometime.”

“Clarke,” your wife insists, a small smile toying at her lips. “You can call me Clarke.”

Mrs. Jefferson smiles, adjusting Chloe on her hip. “Thank you again, Clarke.”

“Anytime,” Clarke says, glancing at you before walking them to the door.

You sigh, a whine building in your throat as you stretch. Standing up takes a bit of wiggling, though. Danny clings when you’re like this, but you growl playfully and she takes the hint, giving you space to clamber to your feet. You give a whole body shake, enjoying the aftermath as you watch Madi attempt to replicate the action with little success. She ends up toppled over on the carpet but at least it looks like she’s having fun.

You peer around the corner into the hall to make sure the Jeffersons are gone and then climb the stairs to your room, nosing open the door and padding across the room to the dresser. The shifting feels natural, a mindless stretch and an ache in the joints of your limbs. You remember when it used to be painful, but those memories feel far away now.

The door creaks as you slip a t-shirt over your head, pulling it down over your bare thighs, but you’d know Clarke’s footsteps anywhere. It’s an unintentionally quiet presence, soft as she slips an arm around your waist, her other hand pulling your hair gently from where it's still tucked under the collar of your shirt. She brushes the mass over your right shoulder, her lips finding where your shoulder and neck meet.

“Next time I’ll be the dog and you can entertain the parents.”

You chuckle, placing a hand over Clarke’s. “I don’t know, I quite liked it.”

“Softie,” she mutters against your skin before picking up her head and kissing your cheek. Her arms falls from your waist, giving your butt a light pat, and you turn to watch her over your shoulder. “Steak sound good for dinner?”

“Is that even a real question?” you say, unable to hold back your grin.

Clarke doesn’t even bother trying. “Put on some pants. I’ll meet you downstairs.”

You turn away mouth stretched wide in a smile and you take your time, rummaging through the drawers for a pair of sweatpants, and you pull them on one leg at a time. They hang loosely, and you pull the drawstring tighter as you make your way back downstairs, tying it in a simple bow and then readjusting your tee.

Clarke is surrounded when you finally pad into the kitchen. Lily has attached herself to Clarke’s left leg, thumb in her mouth as she watches Clarke stir the pot on the stove, and Jack and Danny have taken to roughhousing not two feet away. Aden however, has taken to explaining the complexities of fitting a round object into a square hole to a mostly uninterested Madi who sits in her high chair, her tray littered with brightly colored toys. She spots you near instantly and the smile she beams at you makes your heart melt.

Clarke turns at the sound of Madi’s giggles, her eyes following her daughter’s line of sight to find you and she smiles too. It’s this soft little curl, a blush clinging stubbornly to her cheeks, and she pats Lily’s head before returning to the food.

“Careful,” you say at the two by the table as you make your way over, voice a tad lower than normal, and Danny stops mid pinch. That doesn’t stop her brother from taking advantage of the distraction and digging his pointer finger into her side.

Danny yelps, pulling away. She cocks her tiny fist back as far as it will go and you lurch forward to catch it before it hits it's mark.

“Danny--” Her name comes out in a breath. “Hitting is not how we solve things.” Danny looks at you, disgruntled, and you wait a few moments before letting go of her fist. You turn to Jack next and he refuses to look you in the eye. “And the next time you do that I’ll let her hit you back and we’ll see how it feels.”

“Lexa,” comes Clarke’s voice, and you look up to see her shake her head.

You turn back to your son. “Apologize, please, Jack.”

It’s a moment, possibly two, before he says sorry very quietly and then scrambles off toward the living room by himself, finding a spot on the floor with the toys left scattered about.

“At least it looks like the biting phase is over,” Clarke says softly once you’re close and you smile in spite of yourself.

“The small victories.”

There’s a slight breeze that night that carries in through your open bedroom window, the wind as it carries through the trees, curtains fluttering gently. The roads are silent past eleven o’clock, the cars this far off and distant rumble -- you can hear Clarke as she breathes, reclined next to you on the bed with a book propped on her stomach, and it’s so easy to feel lulled by it. Your arm is draped over her hips and she traces the inside of your wrist with the tips of her fingers and you can’t help the content hum that lingers deep in your throat.

“Are you at the station tomorrow?” she asks softly.

You don’t bother opening your eyes, managing a small noise of acknowledgement who knows how many minutes later, but you clear your throat a little afterward and say, “Early.”

“Anya need help with something?”

“There was a homicide downtown and their only lead ran off.” You grow quiet again, feeling the dip of the bed as Clarke reaches to turn off the light. She shifts with the sheets, trying to find a comfortable spot tucked close to you, and she does, settling warmly pressed to your front, head tucked under your chin and her hands seeking the heat under your shirt. The sigh she let’s out when she stills is one of pure satisfaction.

“She wants me to find him,” you mutter in the darkness and you feel her smile against you.

“Putting you to good use then,” She says, tangling her legs with yours.

“I’m good at what I do, Clarke.”

The wind picks up and she huddles closer. “Mm. The best.”

[filmfanatic82]

Still My Person - Chapter 2: Raven’s POV

AO3 Link (HERE)

RAVEN’S POV:

“Reyes!”

“Fuck,” Raven grumbles into her pillow. She blindly gropes for the comforter, pulling it fully over her head with a deep, resentful groan. “Go away, An. I’m sick.”

There’s a moment of silence and then--

“Bullshit!”

Anya rips the comforter off of Raven in one fell swoop leaving her utterly exposed. Raven recoils, throwing her arm across her face, shielding her eyes from the harsh sunlight. “What the fuck, man!”

But Anya doesn’t respond. She instead grabs hold of the pillow from beneath Raven’s head and smacks her in the body with it.

“Ouch. Hey… C’mon, An.” Raven pushes herself up in the bed, smoothing back the stray flyaways from her ponytail. “What are you doing here?”

Anya takes a seat on the edge of the queen sized bed next to Raven and lets out a frustrated sigh. “Why do you think?”  

“Clarke told Lexa…”

“And Lexa texted me,” Anya finishes Raven’s sentence with a familiarity that says that this isn’t the first time they have found themselves in this situation.  

Raven’s fingers dance along the edge of the heather grey jersey sheets, avoiding Anya’s penetrating stare at all costs. She knows exactly why Anya’s has shown up unannounced in her bedroom at 10:30am on a Saturday morning. It’s the same, exact reason why she hasn’t been able manage to pull herself from the confines of her bed over the course of the last two hours. Ever since Raven had heard the sounds of keys being snatched up off of the kitchen counter, followed by front door slamming shut.  

“Talk to me, Reyes.”

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Raven mumbles in response, still unable to pull her eyes away from the bedding in front of her.

A deafening silence seeps into the room, surrounding the two of them. They simply sit there in it, as Raven continues to fidget with the edge of the sheets and Anya waits for a response. Raven more than knows that the waiting game isn’t one that she’s going to win. Not with Anya. Anya, may lack patience with many things, but when it comes to waiting people out, she is nothing short of a hands down expert.

And that’s the exact reason why the two have remained such close friends for all these years, even after their relationship fell apart. Anya just seems to know how to cut right through Raven’s overly confident facade and get straight to the heart. Regardless of how hard she tries to mask it.

There’s only one other person -- her person -- who can manage to do the same exact thing, but at the moment, they’re nowhere to be found. And it’s all Raven’s fault.

Anya lets the silence hang for another moment or two and then--

“Get up.”

“What?”

“I said, get up. We’re going out,” Anya flatly states and then get up off of the bed, goes over to the dresser, and starts rummaging through a drawer.

“Where?”

Anya grabs a t-shirt and jeans and harshly tosses them at Raven. “You know where.”

Raven catches the clothes and then lets out a long sigh. “Fine. But you’re paying.”

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

“Pay up,” Anya says as she walks over to the dartboard and pulls her dart out of the bullseye.

“How can you still do that? You’re on your third whiskey.” Raven reaches into her back jean pocket, produces her wallet, and pulls out a twenty. She shoves it into Anya’s out stretched hand, attempting to ignore the smug look of satisfaction plastered across Anya’s face.

“I’ll never reveal that secret. Not even to you, Reyes.” Anya picks back up her tumbler of whiskey and take a long swig. “Another game?”

“Gimme five. I need a refill first.” Raven makes her way back to their corner booth, slightly favoring her left leg as she does.

Anya takes note of this and slides herself into the opposite side of the booth. “When’s your next appointment?”

“Next Thursday.”

“You’ve got someone to go with you?”

Raven gives a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders, downs the end of her beer, and then motions to the nearby bartender for another. “I did. But who knows after today.”

“What time is it?”

“What?” “The appointment, idiot. What time is it on Thursday?”

“An…” Raven sighs with a hint of gratefulness to her voice. Although asking for help has never been her style, there has always been an unspoken understanding between the two of them, especially when it comes to Raven’s leg.

The accident had happened right in the midst of the rockiest part of their breakup. Anya had been driving at the time with Raven in the passenger's seat. It had been one of those car rides. The silent and deadly types. The ones where neither one refused to talk out of pure and utter stubbornness.

Three years later and Raven still doesn’t have many clear memories of the accident itself. She remembers sitting at the red light and starring Anya down, in an attempt to make the older girl as uncomfortable as humanly possible. All because they had had a stupid fight earlier that morning over who used the end of the milk. And then, nothing. Not even fragments of what happened. Just a massive, gaping hole where memories should be.

Part of Raven wishes she remembers… but there’s a larger part of her that’s eternally grateful she doesn’t.

Raven only knows what Anya and the others have chosen to tell her throughout the last couple of years. Mainly, just the cliffnotes and nothing else.

A man fell asleep at the wheel, ran a red light, and proceeded to t-bone their car, hitting Raven’s side dead on, leaving her right leg a mangled mess of broken bones and severed nerves. Anya, had managed to walk away from the crash, virtually unscathed with only a few gashes and two broken ribs, but emotionally, she was left an absolute wreck.

Although Anya will never fully admit it, Raven knows that she remembers every last detail… including having to helplessly watch as the paramedics shocked Raven’s heart back to life twice on the way to the hospital.

And truthfully, it was the accident that allowed them to seemingly transition from girlfriends on the verge of imploding, to life long best friends. With no bitterness or animosity towards each other. Just an unspoken and unbreakable bond to always be there for one another. Regardless the reason or circumstance.

“What time, Reyes?”

“4:30 at Mercy,” Raven says with a heavy exhale of breath. Anya nods in response and then takes a another long sip of her whiskey.  

A comforting silence settles between the two of them as they sit there for a few moments, simply watching the rest of the daytime regulars pound back their drinks of choice, then finally--

“You ready to tell me what’s going on?”

Raven runs her hands over her ponytail and shifts a bit in her seat as the bartender swings by, dropping off a fresh round for both of them. “Not really but I don’t have a choice, do I?”

“Well, we could always just continue to get shitfaced, but then you’d probably have to suffer the wrath of Clarke.”

Raven shudders as the thought crosses her mind. “I love that girl, but no thanks.”

“Yeah. No one deserves that,” Anya lightly chuckles in response. “‘Cept maybe my baby sister.”

“Commander heart eyes? Please. Clarke can’t even pretend to be mad at her for more than five minutes tops.”

Anya takes another swig of whiskey, ever so slightly grimacing as it burns the back of her throat. A tell tale sign that the alcohol is starting to take effect. “So…”

“So?”

“Reyes…”

“I dunno where to start,” Raven confesses in barely more than a whisper as her fingers mindlessly trace the lip of her beer bottle.

“Let’s start with the basics. Why aren’t you there?”

“I dunno.”

“Did something happen?”

“No. I just… I dunno. I woke up this morning and just… I just couldn’t do it.”

“You freaked.”

Raven gives a slight nod and downs a long, hard swig of her beer.

“And then what happened?”

“I made up a lame ass excuse saying I was sick and then O stormed out.”

“Why now?”

Raven shakes her head and shrugs her shoulders. “God, if I know. It’s not like it was a surprise or anything. They’ve been talking about this for weeks now.”

Another moment of silence falls between the two of them as Anya mulls her thoughts over, then—

“You wanna know what I think?”

“Not really, but you’re gonna tell me anyways.”

A chuckle slips from Anya’s lips at Raven’s response. She tucks her dirty blond locks behind her ears and gives a rare, comforting smile. “The unknown is fuckin’ terrifying.”

“Thanks captain obvious.”

Anya balls up a nearby cocktail napkin and throws it directly at Raven’s forehead. “I wasn’t done, dipshit. The unknown is terrifying…  especially when it comes to the person you love. And all you and O have done over the past three years is face the unknown. Head fuckin’ on. Time and time again. Without any hesitation whatsoever.”

“That’s not true.”

Anya raises an eyebrow in Raven’s direction and continues to sip on her whiskey.

“It isn’t.”

“What’d you do when O told everyone  that they wanted to change their name?”

“An…”

“What’d you do, Reyes?”

“I threw them an ‘it’s an O’ party.”

“And…”

“And got them custom plates for their Jeep.”

“And what did you do when O came out to Bellamy and he flipped his shit?”

“Okay. But if I hadn’t punched him, Clarke would’ve.”

“Fair point.”

Raven pounds back her beer, chugging way more than needed for a normal sip and then looks at Anya with a raw vulnerability that she rarely lets anyone see. “What if I’m not enough for them anymore?”

Raven waits for a response but it never comes. Instead, Anya just erupts in a loud, jarring laughter which is nothing short of unnerving.

“What?” Raven asks, clearly annoyed by Anya’s response.

Anya wipes the mock tears away from her eyes as she collects herself. “You’re an idiot.”

“An, I’m serious.”

“I am too. You, Raven Reyes, are an absolute idiot. You and O are soulmates. And you know I don’t believe in that shit. You two are just destined to be together. End of story. I saw it for myself that day in your hospital room. That person loves you in a way that no one else can. Not even me.”

A bittersweet smile spreads across Raven’s lips at these words. She starts to respond but somehow knows that it isn’t needed. That’s how their relationship just works.

The silence settles back in once again between Raven and Anya, as the two just sit and sip on their drinks.

BUZZ.

Anya’s phone buzzes against the wood of the table signifying a new notification. She scoops it up, swipes it open, and suddenly a devilish smirk crawls across her face.

“Who is it?” Raven asked slightly intrigued.

“Clarke.”

“What’d she say?”

“She didn’t. Just sent through a photo of O.”

Raven pauses for a moment, letting that info sink in, then goes to reach for Anya’s phone. But Anya is too quick. She yanks the phone just out of Raven’s reach, making sure not to show her the screen.

“No way, Reyes. No cheating. You’re just gonna have to go home and see it for yourself.”

“I hate you.” Raven mocks a pouts as she slumps back in the booth and takes another long chug of her beer.

“Right back atcha.” Anya lovingly replies with a bit of a wink and a smirk.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

A few hours and two more beers later and Raven finds herself standing in front of her apartment door, keys in hand but unable to will herself to move. Guilt ridden fear courses through every inch of her veins. It’s been growing ever since Clarke sent through a singular text. A text to let Raven know not only how amazing O looked but also not to fuck this up. That she had already done enough damage as is.

And that’s just it… What if it’s too late. What if this one singular stupid decision, has cost her everything?

What if her person doesn’t want to be her person anymore?

Raven takes a deep, sobering breath and pushes back down those thoughts. Then, mustering up every ounce her trademark confidence, she puts her keys in the lock, turns the knob, and opens the door.

“O?” Raven calls out as she cautiously makes her way into the semi- darkened apartment. At first glance it would appear that no one’s home, but she knows better. Raven spots little traces of O’s presence all throughout the foyer. Their beat up black converse hap hazardly slipped off, laces still tied. Their set of car keys with the corny O+R keychain that Raven has gotten them on their second anniversary on the key holder by the front door. And of course, the distinct smell of Thai wafting from the living room. Her and O’s favorite comfort food.

Raven drops her keys on the entry table, slips her shoes off next to O’s, and then with another deep breath, rounds the corner to the living room.

And suddenly… time seems to stand still.

There, sitting on the couch, is O— her O— staring back at her, with a collection of untouched takeout Thai spread out before them on the coffee table. Their signature ponytail, the one that they only tend to take out when showering, has been replaced with an androgynous looking undercut. Both the back and sides are shaved down to almost the skin, while the hair on top is somewhat on the longer so that it can be flipped from side to side.

The hairstyle hardens O’s classical features in a way that is nothing short of breathtaking. It amplifies their masculine side yet at the same time doesn’t fully push them too far in one direction nor the other. Instead, it allows O to perfectly fall right into the place that they’ve been desperately desiring to be for the majority of their life. Right in the middle.

“I picked up Thai. Clarke told me you and Anya went to Joe’s so I figured you’d be hungry,” O quietly states, matter of factly, devoid of any real emotion whatsoever, eyes locked in on the food before them.

But Raven can’t seem to find her words. Her brain is too preoccupied with the rapid fire of emotions that are fighting for dominance. Love. Passion. Desire. Guilt. They cycle through like cards being dealt. Each one flashing for the briefest of seconds before being replaced by the next.

O slowly rises from the couch, still unable to bring themselves to look Raven in the eyes, and nervously rubs their hands against the freshly shorn stubble on the back of their head. “Look. I know it’s a huge change and we never really talked about how it would—“

“You look like you,” Raven says in nothing more than a whisper.

Upon these words, O finally lifts their eyes to meet Raven’s, revealing the telltale signs that they’ve been crying.

“What?” A look of hopeful confusion sweeps across O’s face as if they are unsure of what they’ve just heard.

“You look like you, O,” Raven repeats herself, this time with a bit more confidence to her voice. Tears start to well up in her eyes as she watches a heart-swelling smile slowly emerge on O’s lips. “God, I’m so sorr—“

But before Raven can even finish her sentence, O closes the gap between them and savagely attacks the taller girl with a deep, bruising kiss.

Raven returns the kiss as her hands immediately snake upwards towards O’s head and is pleasantly met by the foreign sensation of the soft, prickly fuzz. It feels different but somewhat absolutely right. As if this is the way it has always meant to be.

After a moment or two, Raven and O both pull out of the kiss, resting their foreheads together as they attempt to catch a breath of air.

“So you like it?” O asks with a hint of lingering doubt.

Raven leans back, giving O a playfully dramatic once over, flipping the longer strands of their hair one way and then another. “Nope. I love it.”

O can’t help but smirk at these words. They entwine their fingers with Raven’s and lock eyes once again with a fierce but loving determination as if they’re once again ready to take on the world. “Still my person?”

“Always, O. As long as you’re mine.”

[the100imagine]

Imagine: Leadership.

Requested by Anon. Includes: Clarke Griffin x Reader. Request: * hey I know you're probably busy but whenever you get a chance, could you write some more Clarke x reader?? there really aren't many out there. specifically where the reader is a badass leader of the 100/skaikru in general alongside Clarke? thank you :)

Note: Kinda getting motivation back? Thanks, Daredevil, considering I’ve been watching it and somehow wanted to start writing again. Maybe there’s no correlation, but, still… Also, like the other one I wrote it so it wasn’t a gendered reader. Hope that’s okay. I’m just really loving the vibe I have going right now.

And because you don’t have to fight to be ‘badass’, I’m repping for those who simply use their words to show how badass they can really be.

     If someone had come to you a year ago and told you that you would be a co-leader to the remaining people of the Ark on the ground, you probably would have laughed and punched them in the face. But, standing on top of the watch tower now, overlooking Arkadia, it wasn't much of a crazy idea. If someone had come to you a year ago and told you that you would be a respected citizen and guard, you probably would have scoffed and wrapped a cord around their neck. But, holding the gun in your hands and wearing the Ark guard uniform proudly, it wouldn't have been far off from the truth. If someone had come to you a year ago and told you that you'd be in a healthy relationship with Clarke Griffin, you probably would have raised an eyebrow and stabbed them in the heart. But now, looking down to the ground where she stood staring up at you with that loving smile, it was the best thing in the world.

     "Hey, you," she called up, not needing to cup her hands around her mouth as it had been pretty quiet over the past few days.

     "Hey, Griff." You leaned over, grinning widely.

     "See much?" She asked, referring to outside the gate.

     "Oh, I'm seeing a lot." You smirked at her, noting that she rolled her eyes. "A lot of trees," you concluded, watching as the smile on her face widened. "You thought I was going to say something else, didn't you?"

     "Maybe just a little bit."

     "Would it make you feel any better if I told you I was thinking about it?"

     Clarke laughed. "Not in the slightest."

     "Good, because I wasn't."

     "You're not a very good liar."

      "Let's agree to disagree, shall we?" You watched as Clarke laughed again, shaking her head. "Need me from anything?"

     "Not yet, I'll find you later though."

     "Aye, aye, captain." You saluted before leaning back, standing in the original position you had taken up before.

     "Dude, you are so whipped," Miller joked as he shook his head.

     "Not as much as you are with Bryan," you argued.

     "Let's agree to disagree, shall we?" He echoed.

     "Ha, funny." You tore your gaze from him and stared back out towards the trees.

-

     By the time your watch was done, it had gone dark, the fires were lit as more people were out. You placed the gun on your shoulders using the strap, and climbed down the ladder, glad to be wearing gloves as the metal would have been frozen from how cold it was. You jumped down the remaining steps and turned around, flinching when you saw Kane standing there. Kane merely chuckled at your response, you, on the other hand, breathed heavily, standing up straighter. If someone had come to you a year ago and told you that you would be on good terms with the councilman who wanted to float you, you probably would have sneered and lunged at them. But now, shaking hands with him like you were old friends, smiling at each other with pure respect, it felt like it was simply a dream.

     "Marcus," you greeted.

     "I was wondering if we could take a walk?" He asked.

     With the nod of your head, you both began walking at a largo pace towards the remnants of the Ark. "Everything okay? Something wrong?" He could detect the hint of worry in your tone as you glanced at him.

      "No. No. Everythings… as it should be, I suppose."

     "That's… good?"

     He nodded. "I'm actually here on behalf of Abby," he started.

     "Is she okay? Should I get Clarke?"

     "No. No. She's… fine. She's completely fine," he reassured you. "She's busy working right now and couldn't find the time to talk to you. I volunteered, mainly because we have the same question to ask of you."

     "Which is?"

     "About Clarke."

     "Meaning?" You clenched your jaw, tightening your grip around the gun. They had both been questioning Clarke's ability to lead, after everything that happened in Mount Weather, to Finn, to Lexa… They assumed that she would be unstable and lacking the ability to lead as a leader should. But you knew otherwise. There was no one else that you'd rather see leading the Sky People, and equally, the Grounders. It had been nothing less than a privilege to work hand-in-hand with Clarke throughout it all. After seeing the way she handled certain situations with grace and morality, you knew that there was no one else more qualified than herself, especially as she knew Earth in a way that no one else did, not even yourself.

     "It's just… Abby's worried that Clarke is letting her feelings and emotions get the better of herself, making her lose sight—"

     "I'm going to have to respectively stop you right there, Sir." You stopped walking, holding your hand up to him. "If you're going to stand there and disrespect the one person who has done everything in her power to keep us all alive and help us move into a better tomorrow, then I'm going to walk away from you, with good intent too. Now, I may be a low-life criminal from the Factory Station, but I have seen things on Earth that not even you could imagine seeing. I've seen the way Clarke—who was just a child herself, mind you—handled herself and everyone else who you, and Abby, and the rest of the Ark, sent down here to die, and not in a quick way, might I add. We've all done things, things that were not proud of, sure, but we have all moved on to try and better ourselves. Clarke is no different. I know you have no reason to trust someone who has no control over their own anger and emotions, such as myself, considering it's the reason why you wanted me floated, but how about you trust someone who can. Like Clarke Griffin. This may just be a bunch of rambling nonsense to you, but to me, it reminds me of why I'm proud to follow and lead beside Clarke, why I'm more than happy to walk straight into hell for her, why I would gladly lay down my life for just her, why I have fallen in love with her, and why I will, and always shall, defend her until I breathe my last goddamn breath on this planet… Sir." You sucked in a deep breath, keeping your gaze on him, hard.

     Kane, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, simply couldn’t hide the smile that was growing on his face. "I can see how much you have changed."

     "Damn right I have." You nodded.

     "You know, watching you grow up on the Ark, I've never once seen you show so much passion, commitment, zeal, or fervour in something or someone as you have with Clarke."

     "Sir." You nodded, wholeheartedly agreeing with him.

     "Do you really feel that way?"

     "I wouldn't have admitted to killing myself for her if I didn't, Sir."

     Kane nodded. "Okay," his voice was light, clearly happy with your answer. "I'll let Abby know." Kane lowered his head at you before walking away, his hands locked behind his back as he walked.

     A relieved sigh escaped you and you lowered your hands to your knees, bending over as your felt your heart race. Sincerely believing that he was going to ask for your gun and jacket before throwing you in a cell for speaking to him in that way. A breathy chuckle left your lips as you turned your head back to where Kane had been walking, fully expecting yourself to have hit him for even considering the idea that you would have spoken about Clarke in any incriminating way that would have benefited himself or Abby. You shook your head, standing back up straighter to go look around to see if you were needed elsewhere.

     "Like I said," you jumped hearing Miller as he walked out from behind the side of the tower, out from the darkness, with his arms crossed. "You're so whipped." Miller grinned. "But, uh, in a good way."

     "Don't you have anywhere else to be?" You asked as you felt your pulse relax more.

     "Yeah, but this seemed more fun."

     With the roll of your eyes, you motioned your head towards the Ark. Miller nodded and began walking beside you, towards the chairs outside where people were serving Monty's leftover Unity Day juice. You sat down at a table with himself and Bryan, holding the cup in your hand before you heard someone running up behind you, wrapping their arms around you tightly. You turned your head and saw Clarke's blonde hair. She pulled her head back, she looked like she had been crying.

     "What happened?" You stood up quickly, knocking over your cup and you placed your hands on her cheeks, rubbing her tear stained cheeks.

     "Thank you," she murmured before hugging you tightly around your waist.

     "Uh, you're welcome," you replied, hugging her back, looking towards where she had been before, noticing both Kane and Abby smirking at the two of you. It would be the moment where you told her you loved her, but you had never said it out loud before, so you simply settled for hugging her tighter, resting your head on top of hers.

-

     That 'silence' around camp didn't last very long. You were on the way to go to the tower when you noticed a small fight emerge between two of the younger members of the camp. A crowd gathered around them so it was harder to push your way through. Clarke was standing on the other side of the circle as you managed to get to the middle. She looked at you from across the way with a deflated expression. Your jaw clenched as you stepped forward, another guard doing the same. It was difficult to get the two of them to separate and let go of one another, but you held onto the kid's shirt tightly, glaring at the both of them.

     "What the hell is going on?" You yelled at the two of them.

     "He started it, I was just ending it," the kid you were holding onto spoke as he spat at the ground, at the feet of the other kid.

     "Really? 'Cause it looks like I'm the one ending it." Your hard glare caused him to calm down slightly, staring down at the ground. "Whatever the hell it is that you two have out for each other, pack it in! Act your age." Your grip tightened on his shirt as you got close to his face. "You think I wasn't like you? That I'm just a privileged kid who doesn't know what it's like? Huh?" You glared at him. "You're from Agro Station, right?" The kid looked at you with shock, not expecting you to know. He nodded his head. "I'm Factory Station, through and through. I know what it's like to be an underdog, alright? But I didn't get to where I am today acting out on every single little issue I had. I might have done, had I not been sent down here to die, but I wouldn't be a guard if I did. But that's just the way life is. If you want someone to respect you, earn it, don't beat it out of someone. So, I don't want to see either of you at each other's throats again, or I'm going to have to take action and throw both of your asses in a cell. Clear?"

     They both nodded. You let go of the kid's shirt and nodded to the other guard, who let the other one go. The crowd soon broke off after seeing the two boys shake hands and apologise—you knew it was mainly just for show. Clarke crossed her arms over her chest as she watched you breathe deeply, controlling your anger, having noticed the signs and your old habits since the start when you first arrived on Earth. She waited before you closed your eyes and breathed out once more before opening your eyes again.

     "I've got to say, you never fail to surprise me," she comments as you look up at her.

     You sent her a nervous smile. "Is that a good thing?"

     "Yeah. I was expecting a few fists to collide, but you handled yourself pretty well."

     After turning your face to the side slightly with a smile and small shake of your head, you shrugged. "I let a lot out at Mount Weather and the Grounder war, what can I say?"

     Clarke couldn't hide the fact her smile widened as she uncrossed her arms and stepped closer to you. "I'm proud of you."

     "Don't give me all the credit, you gave me a reason to control myself."

     She hummed. "Okay… I'm proud of us."

     "So am I."

-

     Clarke had just come back from Polis when she caught sight of you yawning, leaning against the wall, not holding your gun for once. You noticed her fairly quickly and pushed yourself off the wall, walking over to her. She pressed a quick kiss to your lips as she wrapped an arm around your waist, while you wrapped one around her shoulders.

     "How'd it go?"

     She looked up at you. "Would have been better if you were there."

     "Your mum wanted me to have an evaluation, said something about my shoulder, or the way I did something, I don't know.”

     "You alright?"

     "I think so, she didn't keep me there, which is a good thing, I mean, I can only assume it is."

     "You'd tell me if you thought something was wrong, right?"

     "I have no reason not to." You looked down at her. "You're the first person I'd go to."

     She nodded her head. "How's the anger?"

     "Bottled up," you joked.

     Clarke slapped your chest. "I'm serious."

     "Fine. It's under lock and key." She raised an eyebrow. "I'm controlling it, is all I'm saying."

     "Good."

     "Did you want to do something?"

     "Yeah, go to bed."

     You laughed quietly. "Long day?"

     "Extremely."

     "Okay, well, we can go to bed."

     "We?"

     "Your mum told me to rest."

     "When?"

     "A few hours ago."

     "Let me guess, you didn't listen?"

     "I may have… ignored certain elements of her prescription."

     "You're unbelievable."

     You hummed, laughing to yourself. "I've heard nothing closer to the truth all day."

-

     You had both fallen asleep when you got back to the room you both shared, Clarke was using you as a leg pillow, not that you minded, and you also had your left arm under her head. You had lost feeling in your arm a few hours ago. Clarke began to stir awake and opened her eyes to see you looking at her, smiling tiredly.

     "How long have you been awake?" She asked, yawning.

     "A few minutes," you answered.

     "Sleep well?"

     "Yeah. You?"

     "Yeah." She stretched, taking her leg off of you, allowing you to turn and face her properly. "Have I ever told you that I'm proud of how far you've come?"

     "Every day." You smiled at her. "Beats me trying to kill people in their sleep, right?"

     Clarke simply nodded, clearly still tired. "Have I ever told you that I'd be terrified to do this on my own?"

     "I see it in your face, I might be the only one, though."

     "Have I ever told you that I love you?"

     There it was. You stayed silent for a brief moment, just taking her in. "No," your voice was quiet.

     "Well, I do, and I want you to know that I do." Clarke turned back to look at you. "How do you feel… about me?"

     "That, if I could, I would have asked your father if I could have married you. Like they did before, you know, old fashion style. But, in a few years, of course, we're still young."

     "Really?"

     "Yeah, Clarke. I've been in love with you for a while now, so…"

     She smiled, moving closer to lay her head on your chest. "Thank you, for being by my side."

     "There's no place else I'd rather be."

[floating-lost-astronaut]

Tagged by:  @aussie-sass​ (mate, this is going to be a fun ride, I'm awful at picking favourites!)

Name: Sarah

Nickname: Some friends back in France call me just Sa. But apart from that..

Zodiac sign: Sagi - taurus. Yep, both. They honestly balance eash other

Hogwarts house: Hufflepuff ALL.THE.WAY. (Pukwudgie for the Ilvermorny, if you're into that)

Height: 163 cm last time I checked, maybe 162

Sexual orientation: SO NOT straight.

Ethnicity: Born in France from fairly french parents, maybe some Spanish roots?

Favorite fruit: Apples. Pink Lady. No, it's not a boring fruit. I like raspberries too.

Favorite season: Autumn and winter. I fucking miss cold weather. 

Favorite book: Truth be told, I haven't read a real book in ages. I spend too much time on AO3. I was really into Haruki Murakami's books tho.

Favorite fictional character: I don't know. Why would you ask me to choose? All I'll say is that I'm not over Lexa.

Favorite flower: Used to love white tulips too. But once again I can't choose. I love flowers. They smell great.

Favorite scent: Speaking of smell.. I love flowers :D Bakeries, fallen leaves, cut grass, rain on warm concrete, dune grass yankee candle, lots of candles to be honest, the market on sunday mornings, laundry detergent (it smells clean okay?) ... AND SO MUCH MORE 

Favorite colour: Blue. My favourite blue is teal at the moment.

Favorite band: Yeah well no. I won't pick one either. My main spotify playlist has over 800 tunes on it. From maybe 700 different artists. Don't make me choose.

Coffee, tea, or hot chocolate: I like everything but I love coffee the most.

Number of blankets: Just a quilt, pretty thin tho. In summer, just a sheet and the air con.

Dream trip: At the moment? Somewhere nice, probably a city, anywhere in the world where it's not too warm. I'd like good food and museums... I'm petty easy.

The last thing I googled was: The name of the restaurant I'm going to tonight

How many blogs I follow: 696 (that's a lot right? Most of my feed is probably 20 of them tho...)

Number of followers: 217 (why would you follow me guys ..?)

What I usually post about: It used to be super gay, super clexa oriented, and few beautiful pictures of nature. and girls. Lots of them. Now... it is still super gay, few other ships (gay), things that i find funny, political stuff sometimes... But it's mainly a mess.

I’m tagging: Whoever wants to do it! Seriously, I don't have many friends on here but I'd love to hear about you guys! Just make sure to tag me in it. (Also @twattwat-i-cunthearyou , you are more than welcome to do that )

[adistantstarblog]

Wild Earth: The  Philippine Crocodile

Rated: Mature for Language | Words:  2131 | Chapter Title: The  Philippine Crocodile | Chapter: 4/ | Other Notes: Fanfic, Alternate Universe, Clexa

(Go back to Chapter 3)

(Start at the Beginning)

Chapter Preview:  She would miss this place, even with its heat.  Even with its bugs.  It was mad to think of but she was even going to miss her clothes sticking to her skin and her hair, even though she constantly wore it in a braid here, sticking to her neck.  She wiped at the back of her neck now and tugged her sunglasses from her eyes.  The bright contrast nearly blinded her immediately but she wanted to actually be able to spot what she was looking for and it was difficult because the creature was often the same color as the water and it only took her eyes a few seconds to adjust.

The rented motor-boat drifted lazily down the sluggish river.  It was blue and white, a stark difference to the brown green water, with a very low shiny silver rail that served more as a bar to hang onto for up to four passengers. But Lexa didn't take passengers with her on these trips so the extra seats were empty.  Instead, she chose to reach more people by using her camera to take the trips she went on to make videos with to share with the world. She could hear the sound of the water lapping against the sides of the boat as it moved.  And she could hear this because she had the motor off though and she let the lazy current push the boat forward, not wanting to startle the creature she was looking for today.  In this case, the boat was necessary.  This was not an animal she could safely walk up to if she found it on land. So she opted to look for it in the river.  Which was also why she needed this boat. And it had cost her.   She would have to leave these little series of islands she was growing to love.  And go home, back to her own boat off the coast of California.  At least for a while until she could save up more money.     She would miss this place, even with its heat.  Even with its bugs.  It was mad to think of but she was even going to miss her clothes sticking to her skin and her hair, even though she constantly wore it in a braid here, sticking to her neck.  She wiped at the back of her neck now and tugged her sunglasses from her eyes.  The bright contrast nearly blinded her immediately but she wanted to actually be able to spot what she was looking for and it was difficult because the creature was often the same color as the water and it only took her eyes a few seconds to adjust. Her camera was mounted on the rail in front of her, catching the sights of the water and the amazingly large and beautiful green trees and underbrush on the banks as they slid by.  It was already recording.  Behind the camera, she put her sunglasses away in her pack and took out her water instead.     Lexa unscrewed the lid, took a long drink from it and screwed the lid back on, “okay,” she began to speak, “here we are again back in the Philippines.  Thing is, I love this place and it has such an amazing bio-diversity of beautiful and, sadly often very rare animals. I'm Lexa Woods by the way,” she put her water bottle down, reached forward over the wheel of her rental boat for her camera, turned it around to face her and sat back down in front of it. It filmed her face and nature around her as the river rolled on behind the boat now, “and this time we are in a place called the Northern Sierra Madre Natural Park.  It is on the island of Luzon, eastern side.  Anyway, this park is hugely important because of its species diversity and habitat diversity. It is actually believed to have the largest range of both species and habitat diversity in these islands. I mean.” she said. Sitting forward Lexa turned the camera around again, “look at this place...” she let the sentence hang in the air for a minute to maybe get across the effect of what she was feeling, being here.  She felt her own breath catch as she took it all in, “over 711,000 acres of land area alone.  Not to mention over another 71,000 of coastal waters. Did you know,” she asked, “that there are 14 major river systems here alone?  This place.  It is so globally an important place because there are so many species here of plant and animal life that cannot be found anywhere else in the world.  I mean, hang on..”

She grabbed the camera up and used it to zoom in on the banks as they slowly drifted past, “look at these trees? So many of them are endemic.  I mean ..in this one park alone we have Shorea trees, which is a genus of something close to 200 species of what is mostly rain forest trees.  And then there are also,” she extended her hand to point them out, “Hopea in here, which is another genus of plant-life. Mainly they are the main type and also a sub-canopy of trees you usually find here in lowland rain-forest. Some of them though can also become what is called an emergent tree, which is another large rain forest species of tree.  Very,” she pulled back from the camera to see the trees on the bank herself and swallowed a tiny bit as she added as even if she wasn't looking through it, her camera was still recording, “very critically endangered.  Yes, sadly plant-life is often just as critically endangered as animal-life itself here.  I guess we just don't think about that a lot.”  She needed to start winding up about the plants here, though and move on to the topic that had brought her, “Millettia is also here as well.  It is a legume. The leaves are generally very large. There is also Dendrobium here which happens to be a rather huge genus of orchid.  But anyway there are so many plants here that it would take forever and countless hours and even episodes to properly name and tell you about them.  But yes, like I said, this home is home to many different species of plant and animal life.  And animal life.” she smiled and turned off the camera for a second, “is what we are about on this show.” Turning around to get back to her seat she almost knocked herself off balance and had to grab the rail for balance a second while the boat rocked on the water.  It would be a good scene though had she been recording and had it happened, her being tossed over the side into the water. She let go of the rail and went back to the front of the boat to position her camera to record her chair again reminding herself that she knew to be careful and how to walk on a boat.  She fixed the camera into its place in front of her chair.  Turned it on and sat down and went back to her introduction again to cut and paste, “so we are currently on the topic of how many different types of animals live in this one park alone.  Many of them that you cannot find anywhere else on this Earth.”   Lexa reached down for her water and opened it and took a drink, “which is what brings us out here today as usual, yeah?  All these beautiful different types of rare animals. There is a creature here called the giant golden-crowned flying fox,” she smiled for her camera with thought of the little animal, “now,” she said, “I know some of you who have never heard of this animal might be having visions in your head of an actual orange or yellow flying fox leaping through trees with flaps of skin something like a flying squirrel has but no,” her smile turned into a grin, “the golden crowned flying fox, or Acerodon jubatus is actually a rare endangered type of bat.  A megabat actually.  Yes, that is a real term, megabat.” she gave an amused chuckle, “for all the scientific and elaborate sounding type names out there that's we come up with for this guy.” she smirked and shrugged and glanced forward real fast.     There was a bend in the river ahead, she would have to steer just a little to make the turn. She sat forward, her water falling from her lap as she did, but she could only give it a disgruntled glance because she had to take the wheel.  

Lexa made the turn with the ease a sailor had and after she sat back in her seat again, foot up on the wheel, “so megabat.  For this guy it really does apply though, the name, I mean he's also known as the golden-fruit bat and he's actually one of the largest bats in the whole world. I mean he can have up to a five and a half foot wingspan and weigh in at over two and a half pound.  Big, big guy really.” she smiled, “Wish I had a picture.  Or, that we could find him.  That would be a real treat if we could.  But anyway he lives here and eats fruit, not people.  But sadly he's, like alot of other animals we look for, endangered because of loss of environment and I really hate how much I have to say those words.  But yes, him too, loss of environment with him and also poaching.  Maybe someday,” she said she offered a hopeful smile, “maybe someday we will come back and see if we can find him.  There are also many many other animals in this one Park alone.  There's actually a myriad of endangered species here.  Among them are all kinds of birds, the Philippine Eagle and also the Philippine Eagle-Owl included.  Note those two, are indeed two separate birds.  The Eagle sadly being on the list of critically endangered.  The Owl actually being only marked as Vulnerable. But that isn't anything to sigh in relief about,” Lexa added quickly, “because nothing should ever on that list. There are also three different types of endangered sea turtles here alone.  But,” she reached down and grabbed up her water.  Lexa opened it up, “what we are out here looking for today is actually the Philippine Crocodile.” she gulped down alot of the water and gave the camera her trademark smile. She capped the water and set it aside.  Turning off the camera for a minute she reached down and grabbed the towel from her things to wipe the sweat from her face and neck.  Watching the water and the shoreline in front of her she grabbed insect repellant from her back and sprayed it on every inch of her exposed skin.  It was actually cool compared to the air.  She put it back into her bag and reached again for her bottle of sunscreen that she had had to buy on arrival to this island and an entirely extravagant price because hers had spilled out in her bag on the way over.  And of course, it was something people had to have here so of course, it was overpriced. She capped the bottle of sunscreen and tossed it back into her bag.  Lexa then sat back in her chair and put her foot up on the wheel again.  All in all, though, she meant it.  She loved it here.  She ached slightly in the pit of her stomach knowing she'd soon have to go home.  Since her camera was not recording now she used her foot to steer the boat around the next bend in the river. With her thoughts drifting to having to go home, and the sadness it caused her, she wasn't really paying attention to the slick green brown form just around the edge of the bend that hissed at her and slid quickly down into the murky water and disappeared.

Lexa shot to her feet, “oh my God!” she scrambled over the wheel.  Grabbed her camera and turned it on.  With it in hand she started recording the water, turning right and left fast, looking through her lens as she did, “so you wouldn't know it but I was just sitting here putting sunscreen on and I saw one of them.  He slid somewhere here into this part of the water.”  her heart was pounding with excitement though and she walked up and down the side of the boat, “crocodile,” she clarified quickly realizing she hadn't mentioned who 'he' was.  “Just caught sight of one of the crocodiles we are out here to try and--” “Lexa Woods!” a voice shouted out over the water from the distance.  She growled in anger when she also heard the active sound of a motorboat coming close.  She looked at the river in longing.  Her crocodile for sure wasn't coming back now-- “Lexa!” the voice shouted again.  The noise of the other boat coming increasingly closer, “Lexa Woods!” In frustration, Lexa set her camera down and glared toward the sound of her name.  As the blonde hair appeared in her vision, standing in the oncoming boat and waving her down Lexa's face contorted a little in recognition of her.  

Clarke Griffin. Oh. 

Shit

(Continue to Chapter 5)