#and let in half as many goals as last time against the thorns

[the-physicality]

yeah i would say it was a good night

[veil-over-miitopia]

Why does the Dark Lord kidnap the teammates?

(Part 1/2 of the “Intertwining Strengths” theory; I’ll be using they/them pronouns for the DL, Great Sage and the MH)

And, more importantly, why the Hell didn’t they outright decimate the hero when they had the chance- countless times, in fact?

This was a question that would bother many, especially after how such an opportunity arrived time after time; from ridiculing the hero after they’ve defeated the General monster possessing the princess’ face, to all the times they’ve taken away both our party members and our powers. So many chances were given to them on a silver platter, yet they’ve only taken struck the iron while it was hot once (and it was there that we first meet the Great Sage- so all know how that went down). What gives, Mx. Dark Lord? If MH was such a thorn on your side, why not get to the root of your little issue? Why didn’t you eliminate the threat from the start? Why not just steal their face - it isn’t like it is impossible, as demonstrated in the battle against them -? Boom; issue solved, and you’re now free to reign in ever-choking darkness for all eternity.

Well, to answer that, we need to go wayyyy back to the first few minutes of the game; there, we witness a heavy emphasis on bonds, namely the mother and her rambunctious child, and the lovey-dovey couple. We also saw how one member of each dynamic was torn from the other in such a cruel and unexpected manner in order to drive the surviving half into maddening despair; a move that was made on-purpose by the Dark Lord.

Flash forward to us meeting our first teammate and a little later to our initial encounter with the Great Sage- now, I know what you’re thinking; what is it that ties these two cutscenes to one another? And how are they - including the aforementioned relationships present in GH - relevant to the DL’s seemingly whack methods of dealing with the hero?

Let’s go through them one by one- after we defeat the rockmoths with our first teammate, the Guardian tells us directly that our growing friendship will allow us to accomplish more feats down the line. Cut to a few days later, and we meet the Great Sage- note that, at that point, the DL really WAS aiming for the kill by using a move that we don’t get to see during our battle against them in their castle. After saving us. the Great Sage remarks that they can ‘feel a strange power from within us’, and, like what the Guardian stated, that it will grow over time.

Bonds, friendship, and a “strange” power...

Flash forwards, and I mean REALLY flash forwards, to the fight against the Darkest Lord. In order to take down the villain, the Guardian states that we need all 10 of our party members to accomplish that goal, which is a sound plan in of itself; more manpower = higher chance of success. The group is split into teams of 3-3-4, with the last party being tasked to square off against the final threat to Miitopia- they should be in a weakened state after having 6 heroes taking a dunk on each of their arms, one of which possessing the very staff the Great Sage uses in order to direct their magic, after all, so it should be fine...

...right?

Not exactly; just before the final battle, the Darkest Lord looks down upon the 6 teammates and ridicules them- stating that their true power was far beyond what they just fought against. To demonstrate the full capabilities of their ascension to Godhood, they steal all the faces of said teammates and...fuses with them. The Darkest Lord absorbing countless faces wasn’t exactly stated to be a testament to their omnipotence, but this was.

I am not using the term “fused” loosely here, either; aside from the animation presenting itself as such, you can definitely tell that the Coin monsters are made of the exact same material that is making up the Darkest Lord- material that has GOT to be organic; remember, this isn’t just the Great Sage’s face plastered on some sun-shaped monument, but it is them after absorbing countless faces and, in turn, transforming into a mockery of the celestial object that provides light and life to us all.

So the question still stands...why? Why go through such great lengths? Why the kidnapping? Why the fusion? What does it all have to do with the DL deciding not to kill us after the first encounter with the Great Sage? And what do all this have to do with whatever power that’s growing within us ever since the start of the game?

Putting it simply...that’s because it’s them; our teammates are the source of our divine power- it is our bonds with them that has given rise to the very reality-warping abilities that help us save/carry out our punishment against the Dark Curse.

I know, I know; we are heading down the “Power of Friendship” route - as cheesy as it is -, but it isn’t like my belief that our growing relationships with each party member not being just a mechanic placed in the game in order to make the game more distinct than other JRPGS didn’t come from nowhere, especially when the symbolism pointing towards this information being correct is scattered around each and every corner of the game. Besides that, I can prove it thanks to our secret 11th party member; the horse.

Without even looking at our bipedal friend, one can assume that the abilities you unlock with every relationship milestone indicates a growing level of trust; of them lowering their guards around you, and, yes, that is true...at least initially. The first few abilities, like showing off, assisting one another, and even the pincer move are very much mundane, but it is stuff like resurgences and last wishes that would bring the possibility of some higher power being at play into question- and that is without mentioning how said abilities are unlocked much later in the game (unless if you have a ton of outing tickets or were insanely lucky with the Roulette and have given your miis countless luxurious vacations).

Okay, maybe these abilities are not exactly “heavenly”, per se, and I am not exactly calling it as such- but last wishes and resurgences could very well be an indication of something...much more potent and even more devastating than the power of gods, and that is the Indomitable Human Spirit; our drive that is helping us push through everyday life and stand against the indifference of the universe. Love, desire, and basic determination to live; all of these traits and more that make up the ambitions present in each and every one of us- it is what pushed us humans to be at the top of the food chain. Such a strong resolve that would only get stronger when we have people we trust unconditionally, and a community we can always return to.

And what better way there is to demonstrate said spirit being involved other than Horseplay?

Much like with the teammates, our bond with the horse can unlock various perks; most of them are basic enough, like the ability to ride said horse and it assisting us in battle in various ways, but it is the Horseplay that seals the deal- and what better way to start than with the Cleric’s, Mage’s, Imp’s, and Vampire’s?

In the case of the Cleric and Mage, the horse will gain white wings and fly high into the sky; giving either class a wider range in order to unleash their powers at a maximum output. With Imps and Vampires, on the other hand, the horse will sprout black wings and, depending on the class, will either enter a frenzy and ram head-first against the opponents or assist the hero in enshrouding the area in complete and ever-consuming darkness.

So...not heavenly, but the horse gains traits that are considered as such? What is the big deal? Why the sudden contradiction?

You are, more or less, right; there is a discrepancy present, and that is because of the jobs’ natures! Clerics are closest to the divine, Mages deal with the elements of the world, Imps are considered antitheses to angels, and Vampires are generally deemed as unholy creatures of the night. I only mentioned these jobs in order to clear up the contradiction that was going to pop up sooner or later. The truth is that the horse will either adopt traits present in the jobs their rider specializes in, or assist them in perfect harmony.

In short, Horseplay is an act of pure resonance with the player, much like Last Wishes and Resurgences.

THAT is the “divine power” that was mentioned to us time and time again; resonance, our understanding with each and every one of our party members, and all the happy memories with them. With all of these combined, we would have the strength and will to go up against the mightiest of titans and gods. Who wouldn’t want such an amazing drive? Who else...but the Dark Lord themselves?

After taking all this in, it becomes clear why kidnapping the party members is the DL’s modus operandi; it is to break the hero, dissolve their will, and eventually harvest this power from the teammates for themselves. Sure, the hero still has the horse, but remember that the horse isn’t human- it still lacks sentience, at the day’s end (unless if you take the events in which they attempt to hypnotize the player and wish for a million carrots during an outing to be rooted in reality).

How would they break the hero’s will? By turning their teammates against them, and change them into avatars made to mock and harm the hero, but the symbolism behind each Karkaton boss is another story for another day. For now, we look back at a question that haunted the community ever since the game’s launch, and relish in the fact that the answer to all that is simply the might of the human spirit and the importance of a healthy community.

[erigold13261]

Hello hello I'm back once again to ramble some more about Garden of Thorns in your FRAU, only this time I'm just gonna say that last time I completely forgot about DJSS when I wrote my last ask so that's why there was no mention of him (sorry DJ :( )

Now when it comes to helping out with your oc band fight DJSS (I will draw them when they're revealed mark my words-) Sylvie and Olive tag along because at this point no one is immune to free therapy from Sylvie- and Olive wants to make new friends so they go to Club Planetarium. Sylvie knows something is up and if needed stops the fighting to let DJSS talk about his problems and how he's feeling, and Olive removes her gloves and reveals her healing powers for the first time as it fixes the cracks on DJ's orb head and seals the gas inside it (or other material idk what's in there-) which I'm sure surprises everyone. I'm sure Sylvie may also host a group therapy session with all the NSR Artists, BBJ, etc, because she wants to help as many people as she can since she knows that there are people out there who don't have access to resources such as therapy so she's made it her goal to change that slowly but surely. (Also I'm currently working on my ocs designs for your au while typing this out so the gloves for Olive is a part of her design)

Speaking of Olive, I remember how you mentioned that Tatiana would definitely come at her during the final showdown since she's healing everyone else from a distance. Tatiana sees Olive just standing there and is a bit confused until she sees the glowing light emitting from her hands and just patching up whoever's fighting her of their injuries quickly and this sets her off. Everyone else realizes that Tatiana is charging at Olive and tries to warn Olive but then something happens that catches them and Tatiana off guard. Olive grabs Tatiana's arm before it can reach her, and then her eyes start glowing red. That's when Olive proceeds to just annihilate Tatiana via a flurry of throwing, punching, kicking, and slapping. Everyone else can only watch as Tatiana is smashed against the floor while Olive has her usual smile on her face, and then afterwards she throws Tatiana at the crown, which explodes just like in the original game and reveals Kul Fyra's guitar. Olive made sure not to hurt Tatiana too badly while doing all that and when she heals her of her injuries I'm sure Tatiana is very confused as to why Olive would heal her after she tried to attack her and lost. Olive just smiles and let's Sylvie take over aka giving Tatiana her therapy.

Sylvie would indeed suspect something is up with Kliff, but Artemis attempts to come to his defense (Mainly because of her *cough* feelings *cough* towards him but she's too shy to admit it) and tries to convince her friend that Kliff wouldn't do anything drastic. Obviously Sylvie is not having any of it and talks with Kliff anyway, and that's when she helps him realize that he has a very unhealthy parasocial relationship with his idol/Tatiana and works with him to solve any other problems he may have as well.

And that's about everything that's coming to my mind right now about FRAU, my OFA AU thoughts are starting to take over again so I'll head off to elaborate on them on my own blog lol. I hope you enjoyed my ramblings once again Eri :D

I had this mental image that Olive was smaller than Tatiana so all I was seeing in my head was Tatiana getting slapped and thrown by someone less than half her height lol! But glad I relooked at Olive because her being taller than Tatiana and being able to do that makes so much more sense!

But yes, she would be so confused and it makes me think of the scene from Undertale where Flowey doesn't understand why you spared him (them? I forget Flowey's pronouns, my bad). She would be more willing to listen to Sylvie and B2J at that point, but still hesitant because of thinking everything she's worked for will be stripped away from her (but she probably would come fully around after a few therapy sessions).

The Kul Fyra moment would probably be even more heartbreak. For Mayday and Cyril. The both idolized her and now they realize that she is the reason for a lot of their suffering because they tried to follow her path. I don't know, it just feels even more bitter sweet than how the original ending goes. I don't think Tatiana would give the guitar to either of them though, both can't play it (May physically and Cyril doesn't know how), so instead I see her as using it as a symbol to bridge EDM and Rock together.

But going back to Nova for a second, he would be VERY surprised at the fact that his head got healed. I still think there would at least be a scratch still, something that won't ever fully heal (like a scar) but at least now he will be able to contain his space dust and think with a clear head more easily! (he would also gladly stop playing music to just talk about himself and his woes, probably lets slip some stuff about Neon and 1010 too which would help Garden of Thorns/Ex-Jay depending on WHEN the rematch with Nova happens).

Group therapy will also have to wait at least a little bit after the NSRtists have some one-on-one therapy, because all I can see is Eve and Mama ganging up on Neon, 1010, and Nova while Yinu and Sayu's Crew try to stop the whole fight that is about to go down. Until Tatiana raises her voice telling them to all shut up and sit down which immediately makes them ALL obey (and also shows the therapist/Sylvie/whoever just how much work is going to need to be done).

And Kliff's relationship isn't ENTIRELY parasocial since he and Tatiana do have history together, however I do see a good talk between Tatiana and Kliff to be great closure for both of them. Maybe they get a little physical at first, with a punch here and there (from both ends) but Olive heals them both up and their wall of frustration is gone and they can finally have an open conversation. They can both finally close the book on their relationship, never really talking again, but the two finally being at piece with their shared past. (And it helps that Kliff now has Artemis to get his mind off of Tatiana :3).

So yeah! A lot of things would turn out quite nice if a Re-Revolution occurred with multiple bands coming together to pull it off! There would still be the initial few years of suffering everyone does, but at least by the end people are healing together instead of scarring by themselves!

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Onions Among the Roses

“What in the world do two completely different plants have to do with this?”

“... ‘Onions’ can only make you stronger--so do not be ashamed to cut them.”

Yes, that is apparently a real thing that people do.

***Spoilers for Riddle’s childhood, Ghost Marriage Riddle’s home screen lines, and chapter 1 of the main story!***

***CONTENT WARNING: this piece mentions a dysfunctional family and emotional abuse!***

Imagine this...

The stillness of the kitchen was near stifling. Quiet, save for the sounds of ingredients being prepared for plating--the soft gurgle of simmering water, the methodical cut of knives against a wooden board or vegetable flesh.

Riddle sucked in a breath through his teeth, careful to not breathe in the noxious fumes of his half-cut onion. Instead, the oppressive atmosphere slipped in, and he almost gagged.

Small talk, he suggested to himself, make some small talk to drive this horridness away.

“So,” the Heartslabyul dorm leader began, trying to sound casual, “how are you finding the Master Chef course to be so far, Silver?”

“It has been a fascinating experience. I am pleased with the progress that I am making.” He spoke seriously as he whittled away at a potato, forming one continuous ribbon of skin. His iridescent eyes beheld a subtle glow to them--thoughtful. “Father has been pleased as well. He praised the Chicken with Tomato Sauce that I prepared last night.”

Riddle’s knife froze midair. “Your father has visited Night Raven College?”

“Well, more or less,” Silver confessed with a shrug. “He’s always around, always keeping an eye on me, some way or another.”

“I... I see.” Riddle’s eyes turned slightly downcast. “I have not yet had the honor of presenting my cooking to anyone, let alone my father.”

“I’m sure that he would love your food.” Silver reassured him. He set down his neatly peeled potato and started on a new one, the blade of his knife pressed firmly against the grain.

“I’m not so certain,” the redhead replied, a hint of bitterness in his tone. He brought his knife down, cleaving slices from his onion’s bulbous body. “I am not particularly close to either one of my parents. They are not intimate with one another, either.”

Riddle remembered them well: long afternoons and evenings, stretching into bouts of silence, punctured only by the clinking of silverware. His mother and father staring into their own dishes, refusing to address one another. A ‘dessert’ placed before him, tasting of limp cardboard and sadness.

No smiles or joy to be had.

“A Rosehearts family meal is not one you would wish to be invited to,” he declared with the shake of his head.

“Oh.” Silver’s hands came to a stop, his potato peel dangling precariously by his hip. “I’m sorry to hear that, Riddle.”

“Don’t be,” he insisted--a bit too quickly, perhaps. “I may not enjoy it, but I have come to accept it for what it is: my reality. I must hold my head high and continue to advance, regardless of that.”

“Your dedication is admirable,” Silver nodded stiffly, “but even if it is your reality, that does it does not make the blows you’ve been dealt any less painful. Wounds of the body and wounds of the heart can hurt equally.”

“... I suppose so.” Again and again, Riddle’s knife came down mercilessly upon the onion. His motions had gotten smoother with time and repetition, but his dices were still not even in size.

They settled back into silence, each boy tending to their own mise en place. Simmering. Chopping. Discomfort seeped in and filled the space between them.

Silver cleared his throat. “... How are you finding the Master Chef course?”

“Ah... The instruction has been very informative, but I fear I still have a long way to go when it comes to putting lecture material to practice.” Riddle eyed Silver’s knife. “You seem to be quite skilled in some regards already.”

“Swordplay is my specialty,” he replied. “I have been training since I was young. The same goes for Sebek.”

“Practical skills will serve you well.” Riddle flinched as the odor of onions tickled his nostrils. He sucked in another breath through his teeth.

He had once thought of wielding a whisk or a spatula, of whipping cream and flipping patties. He had wanted to make mud pies and set up a lemonade stand. Dreamt of colors and textures and shapes and flavors. To mold them with his own hands, to taste them with his own tongue.

“The only things you need to worry about are your grades--your grades, and following the rules,” his mother had told him, plucking the butter knife out of his hands. Over and over and over. “Go back to your books.”

His dreams laid in shards upon the floor.

“I’ve had a very privileged, but sheltered, upbringing,” Riddle said with a weak laugh, “so I am afraid that when it comes to hands-on exercises such as this... I may very well underperform.”

“It’s fine. No one is perfect at everything.”

“I must be.”

Silver cast his classmate a puzzled look. 

“I must,” Riddle repeated, tightening his grip on the handle of his knife, “if I wish to live independently. I cannot always rely on Trey to prepare tea, or Che’nya to yank me outdoors.”

“Riddle...”

How mad his mother had been when she had discovered him missing, when she had discovered the sugar dusting his lips. The strawberry tart had tasted sweet, yet fleeting. She had screeched like a banshee, forbidden him from playing with the other children ever again.

And how livid she had been when he had confronted her over winter break.

“You are my son. You are a Rosehearts. You will not defy me--you will not defy the rules!” she had roared. “Who has been planting these poisonous thoughts in your mind? I want to speak to them!!”

He inhaled shakily and shoved the memories of her shouting out of his mind.

“I need to start making strides on my own--and this is the first step towards that. I cannot allow myself to fail, no matter what.” The redhead pressed the tip of his blade into the onion--the hand curled atop the vegetable, trembling. His expression, solemn.

Silver set down his knife and potato, briskly walked over to Riddle’s workspace, and grasped his wrists. “Stop. You’re shaking all over. It’s not safe to cut it like that.”

“But the onion--”

“Forget the onion. Take a bre--” Silver came to a full pause when he saw Riddle’s face. “... You’re crying.”

And so he was.

Fat tears rolled down his face, his cheeks bloated and rosy. The Heartslabyul dorm leader shook, furiously rubbing at his eyes with the back of his hands. He sniffled loudly, but managed to choke something semi-comprehendible out.

“Th-The onions must be making my eyes water.”

“Of course. Let me get you a towel.”

It took only a few moments for Silver to retrieve a warm, wet cloth. He offered it to Riddle, who immediately pressed the cloth to his eyes.

“I’m... I’m sorry. You shouldn’t see me in such a pathetic state.”

“As I have said before, you are fine,” Silver said patiently. “No man is able to take down a beast by himself. It takes the backing of an entire village to ensure that he is prepared for his quest.”

“But crying at my age... It is unfitting, especially for a dorm leader.”

“Falling and losing your footing are all normal in the learning process. I stumbled a lot as well when I was training with the sword. What matters is that you are able to pick yourself up afterwards. Never losing sight of your goal.”

Silver folded his arms. “To be both the best student, and the best chef. To gain independence for yourself. That is why you fight, and why you shed your tears.”

Riddle slowly lowered the towel from his eyes. His wet gaze met Silver’s. “Are tears truly something to be proud of?”

"... There are many roses in the Valley of Thorns. And, sometimes, onions are planted alongside them. It is said that when they are grouped together, onions can enhance the fragrant aroma of roses." 

“What in the world do two completely different plants have to do with this?”

"... 'Onions' can only make you stronger--so do not be ashamed to cut them.” Silver plucked a fresh bulb from a basket and handed it to his peer. “Rest, and reflect on it. When you are ready, you can return to your ingredients.”

He turned and started to walk back to his own work station, but paused midstride.

“Riddle.”

“Yes?”

“You should come over sometime, and join us for a meal. Fath...” Silver caught himself and rushed to correct his phrasing. “Ah, I mean... you should come over to Diasomnia. Malleus-sama and Lilia-sama would be happy to host you.”

Riddle gave the smallest of smiles. “I would like that very much.”

[saphirered]

The first and only time Lucien displayed any vulnerability was when Jester called him "dreamy," after which he alluded to an unpleasant upbringing. I was wondering if you could write something wherein the reader (human) shows interest in him? Being his typical, condescending self, he thinks it's because the reader was with Molly, only to find out the reader is genuinely interested in him, and maybe that thaws his heart a little?

I hope this turned out to your liking. Love me a condescending tiefling who doesn't acknowledge views other than his own. Hope you enjoy! 😘

Lucien, previously mostly indifferent to you, has been keeping his distance after you read him like an open book in the card reading incident with Jester. Maybe having this bunch of gullible but curious adventurers tagging along was a terrible idea after all. Maybe best get rid of them now before it’s too late. But there you are being your stupid charming, beautiful self and something within him hesitates, even more so than with the others. You are an enigma he needs to figure out. Right now you’re an obstacle standing in the way of his goal because every second he’s paying more attention to you, he’s less on guard and that might just compromise his endgame.

Lucien is entertaining the thought to just talk his way into your bed, and get it over with. Maybe once he’s gotten his bias for you out of his system he can get back to work. Besides, you’ve shown some interest in him already, rooted in your connection with the fragment previous to his own return. Same face, same body, a few shared traits maybe, but not the same person. A fatal flaw on your end…

Perhaps Lucien can turn this into leverage, play into the parts you might latch onto believing that maybe the fragment might return to the surface if you call to him. Or play into your feelings for the fragment, play sympathetic and play upon a mutual interest. Because maybe if he plays along, you could be the game changer, the leverage, and give him answers and insights in this Mighty Nein. You might be the key to all the answers he’s seeking. And if achieving this goal results in the two of you sleeping together, two birds one stone. There’s no negative outcome for him here. Either you turn on your friends and join him or eventually stand against him and he’d already have gotten what he wants from you.

From the moment you met Lucien it was abundantly clear he’s not Molly. Yes there are some similarities and habits they share but beyond a surface level they’re very different. That doesn’t mean you weren’t curious to get to know this version of the tiefling. While he has many flaws, some that cannot be overlooked, there’s something about Lucien that commands attention. With how closed off this version is you played into the parts you did recognise, if only to make your encounters with him a bit more pleasant and less tense, be that for yourself or others around you.

Your encounters, especially when eventually traveling together grew more frequent and less tense to the point one could call them enjoyable. Of course the Nein caught onto this and saw it as hope their, your Mollymauk might still be in there. He might, maybe not in the way they hoped. Right now Lucien is here and he’s here to stay. Even from the start you didn’t want to make enemies with the man be that out of self preservation, your own curiosity or something else entirely. Making enemies with the Nonagon just seemed stupid and getting to know him, looking past all the theatrics he put up for the Nein, he’a actually a half decent person.

You’d been making progress, getting to know Lucien, spending more time with him. From the start you didn’t hide the fact that you may or may not have a thing for him. Seems like your taste hasn’t changed; charming enigmatic drama queens with great style, a dash of egoism and some hedonism thrown into the mix. It was all going well and you could see the walls slowly beginning to crumble giving you a peak behind the curtain; Lucien without the facade but then Jester came along with Molly’s cards. Curiosity peaked of course Lucien took her up on her offer of a reading.

You saw that twitch, saw the walls come down and you got a peak behind the curtain just like you had wanted. Only it lasted much shorter than you had hoped the walls rose and the curtain closed once more. You got some insights in his past based of his responses and with how close attention you were paying you know he was aware of what you were able to glean. You kind of pity him for the past he went through even the present he lives now. You recall Molly deflecting, changing the subject, doing anything to avoid confrontation if it didn’t suit him. After that card reading you got the same from Lucien this time in the form of a cold shoulder. Dammit Jester. Now you have to find a way to fix this.

The others are asleep in the dome save for Fjord currently keeping watch and you awake and bothered. A ways away at a comfortable distance is the camp of the Tombtakers. They too are asleep with the exception of Lucien who sits in front of the fire staring into the flames. Getting up with a soft puff you make eye contact with Fjord. A confused ‘where are you going?’ glance from the half-orc leads you to respond with a nod in the direction of Lucien which in turn leads to a non-verbal argument with the man, an argument that won’t stop you so when the last is said and done you just wave and step outside of the bubble, blanket still wrapped around your shoulders to block out the cold Eiselcross air.

You’re not deliberately quiet padding your way through the thick layer of snow and know full well you should be in sight of Lucien but he doesn’t in any way respond to you. His eyes stay trained on the fire in front of him so you walk up beside him. The cold very much bothers you and you’re beginning to regret your decision of walking out of the comforts of the dome just because you want to sort out this sudden cold behaviour towards you and get it over with. It may take a leap of faith to do so but if that’s what it takes, that’s exactly what you’ll do.

“Hey, I could really do with some of the perks of that infernal bloodline if you don’t mind.” You nudge his leg with your foot pulling the blanket around your shoulders just a little bit tighter. Shaken out of whatever trance Lucien had allowed himself to slip in he looks up at you.

“If you’re so cold you can go back to the comforts of that dome so handily provided by your wizard friend.” Ouch. That’s icy cold but you haven’t come this far by just accepting rude comments. You’re stubborn and you’re not backing down just yet.

“Don’t patronise me.” You sit down keeping a good foot or so between the two of you as you stare into the flames, the warmth not nearly enough to actually keep you comfortable, you’re shivering. Your presence alone puts Lucien on edge so here you’ll stay. Besides, if you get hypothermia, the clerics can fix you right?

About fifteen minutes pass and your quivering doesn’t end, your breath visible in the air, you are a constant nuisance to his previously peaceful evening of plotting. Why did you have to leave your bloody bubble and come bother him? Because right now you’re the only thing on his mind and all previous queries and grand plans have left his brain and there’s only you. Maybe you’ll just leave if he keeps this going? No you won’t. Lucien knows you longer than today and once you’ve set your mind to something you’re not letting go until you’re satisfied. Right now you’re anything but satisfied.

“Fine. Let’s get this over with because I need to get back to figuring out if you lot will remain useful or a thorn in my drawers. What do you want?” Lucien sneers studying you. His red eyes harsh, you get a clear view of the frustration and tension.

“We’re cutting the crap? Okay. All fine with me.” You clasp your hands together and lean your chin on them as you address the tiefling. “Why have you been avoiding me and giving me the cold shoulder ever since you showed an ounce of vulnerability?” Two can play this game and if you know anything from Molly it’s that if you get him frustrated and on edge he’s more likely to let things slip he’d usually keep in. By the looks of it Lucien isn’t much different in that aspect but he has a bit more self control.

“Perhaps I’m just done playing the part of a long gone fragment you’re desperate to hold onto, darling. It’s been fun but the game’s over.” Lucien’s this close to deadpanning that sentence. Close but not close enough. You laugh almost disappointed. Such a blatant lie, you expected better from this one.

“Laugh all you want. The game is over.”

“You’ve spent too much time with people agreeing with you all the time that you seem to have forgotten what it’s like to have your views misalign with that of another.”

“Now you’re the one patronising me.” He jabs back. Eyebrow raised you press your lips together. So looks like it’s not going to take much for you to get answers out of Lucien.

“I’m not the one spooked by some cards and the notion of showing a fraction of vulnerability in a moment the majority won’t even catch on to let alone understand.” Lucien turns to face you and glares.

“Are you done yet?” Oh you’re not nearly done but you also know Lucien can be fickle and you don’t want to push too far. You’ve got one more up your sleeve. Okay maybe a few more… Should you give him a choice on which one he’d like to address? You snort. Lucien grabs you by the shoulder and turns you to face him with disapproving expression trying to cover the frustration and how much you’re getting on his nerves right now; less because of your attitude and more because of his own issues.

“So your game ends before you weasel your way into my bed and attempt to use me for your own benefit, manipulate me until I spill all my friends and I’s secrets, and cast me aside once I’ve outlived my usefulness?” Nail. On. The Head. Lucien’s taken aback by that one. The shock’s clear and he does not like it at all you caught him off guard by exposing his plans just like that when you’d been playing along just as he had been trying to get you to.

“How’s that been working out for you? Or do you count attachment as a weakness now as well? Since vulnerability already is a major one in your opinion.” Lucien takes the verbal attacks and he’s none to happy about it. He’s just lost his advantage, or at least the advantage he thought he had. Maybe he got so caught up in this little game that the line between him playing and him actually being blurred and you just called him out on exactly that.

“Depends. How well is it working for you?”

“You trying to charm your way into my bed? Peachy. You trying to manipulate me by playing into the shared traits between my dead companion and you. You’re doing terrible. Maybe your own feelings got in the way? Is attraction also a weakness then?” Lucien’s fist clenches as you yet again air his dirty laundry. This habit has to stop, for his sake.

“Very well then, since me charming my way into your arms has been going so smoothly, let’s get this over with and go our separate ways that we for once and all can confirm your fragment is never coming back and I can get you out of my head.”

“If you think that’s going to solve all your problems then I fully consent but I highly doubt that will fix anything since your own interests in me won’t just go away by sleeping with me. That’s not how these things work.” No use in beating around the bush and while he’d rather not admit it Lucien considered the fact that just getting rid of the jitters won’t get rid of his feelings towards you. Damn you. This would have been so much easier if you would just prove him right even if he wasn’t.

“Then what do you suggest? We kiss and make up and go our separate ways?” Lucien huffs and you roll your eyes. Anything to deflect from being faced with his feelings and dismiss yours. Can he just accept you’re interested in him and not in the shadow of Mollymauk that’s left in him?

“You want a kiss? Fine. A kiss you’ll get.” You’re the one getting exasperated with his quick dismissal so you put your hand on the side of his neck. Give him a chance to pull away or stop you before you put your lips to his. The kiss deepens into a snog and you find yourself hoping Fjord hasn’t been keeping an eye on you or he’d be in for a show without any context. You’ll have a lot of explaining to do later….

Enough’s enough and you break the kiss paying close attention to Lucien who’s processing whatever’s running through his head. You just hope he’ll be able to put his own stubbornness aside, get over himself and admit to his feelings and yours because last you checked denial is much more of a problem than vulnerability ever will be.

“You need to start accepting people don’t automatically work the way you think they work. You don’t have to like the fact I actually like you nor do you have to like me in return but you cannot dismiss my feelings and opinions just because they don’t suit you.” You pat his cheek and while he’d consider it a belittling gesture, it’s fair game at this point. Maybe the game’s still being played after all and he was never in control of the game to begin with. That’s a bit of a damper in the grand scheme of it all.

It leaves Lucien to think. Since he’s already way over his head and too far into this that there’s no way back, maybe he’ll take his chances. No major changes. The goals remain the same but for now maybe he can enjoy a little company every so often if you’ll allow it… Maybe he can drop the cold exterior, get rid of the ‘divine purpose’ attitude and just let himself be for however long it lasts. At the end of they day he has little to lose and much more to gain.

“Fine. I recognise your interests in me as more than for what silvers of that fragment remain.” Lucien does not like admitting defeat and the expression on his face brings you so much satisfaction. Yes you might have feelings for the man but that doesn’t mean you can’t find joy in these kinds of interactions even if they are rooted in frustrations.

“And…” You push for him to continue. You can see him grit his teeth but he continues at your behest.

“And, accept them along my own. No matter how much I hate to admit it, I apologise for excusing my own behaviour and motives as means solely to manipulate you.” Lucien glares at you seeing your own satisfaction.

“Good boy.” You pat his cheek.

“Now since you’ve gotten all of this out of me you better share that blanket of yours because you’re not the only one freezing out here.”

“So the cold does bother him after all.” You grin and scoot over to wrap the blanket around the both of you. A bit of the rigidness remains, not ready to drop the cold and distant attitude just yet, if ever entirely, you know the ice is melting, even if just a little. More than you expected. More than you could have asked for. Now how the hell are you going to explain this to the others….

[rinharu-purple]

Relationship Goals: Ch 15

Flows of tears being wiped away by the fingertips of love- dreamless night skies full of stars - a heavy heart washed clean by the rain - hot sweat and cold droplets of water-  a simple “good night” and a “good morning” - that all too well known scent - the excruciating pain of yet another “goodbye”- a blood drenched jacket that’s long lost its owner’s warmth...Name of Faith 

Being the solidifying chapter of my Gavin stanness, chapter 15 has a very special place in my heart. On the other hand, the whole chapter is the very embodiment of “relationship goals”, ensuring that in the MLQC universe MC and Gavin’s relationship is the most harmonious, mature and loving one. The chapter is about an hour-ish long so you could guess how long this analysis will take to read but it surely will be much less than it took me writing it, I promise ;)

At the end of chapter 14 MC had to say goodbye to Kiro without knowing if he would survive the fight against tens of BS men and carry the burden of being the key individual who can put an end to the out of control EVOL outrage. She was heartbroken about Lucien’s betrayal and was worried as hell about Victor’s whereabouts. She was still struggling under the overbearing weight of having to play the role of the “Queen” all the while being one of the last remaining people who still bear to think about the whole TV- tower incident. She’s found herself doubting the meaning of her existence and couldn’t help but feel as though she wouldn’t belong there. At the beginning of Ch 15  we find an MC that hit the rock bottom and is therefore deeply depressed. This is the first time she’s shown such a distressed psyché. So this is how the chapter starts...MC wakes up in her room after being hospitalized for a while, lost in thoughts and looking for reassurance in the gingko leaf bracelet on her wrist.

To have and to hold...

While she is buried in negative thoughts Gavin shows up at her place to give her the good news that there are no more signs of EVOL fluctuations and that STF’s investigation ends as of that day. This results in a real smile blossoming on MC’s face and then her concern switches to Gavin’s well-being. This first dialogue between them is already an embodiment of the foundation of their relationship. Gavin and MC’s main concern is always the well-being of the other. Sure, Gavin and MC always put others before themselves so they both have an altruistic character, however if protecting any other person would mean their s/o getting hurt, then they prioritize each other. We get to see what it means in the second half of the chapter. MC is worried about Gavin’s injuries, Gavin is worried about MC’s emotional state, MC is worried that she makes Gavin worry about her, Gavin is worried that MC worries about him worrying about her, thus keeping her real thoughts inside- not- opening up about them to him. That’s a vicious cycle which needs to be broken and that is exactly what our best boi does by reassuring her that she doesn’t need to put up a front and that she could tell him whatever is eating at her...anytime at all. That guy is already 3 steps ahead of her when it comes to worrying so he pulls her out of her self-agonizing overthinking bubble with those simple words which work like a charm. MC feels as though her heart was slowly lifted up by two hands out of a ravine. So she finally tears down the walls surrounding her agony and lets her tears flow and Gavin wipe them away and he brings the sunshine back into her heart.

Ever since her father’s passing MC didn’t much have anyone to open up to about her most bothering concerns or a shoulder to cry on. Gavin sees this crystal clear and encourages her to tell him about it all, cry it all out and also manages to lift her spirits up. He knows instinctively what she needs at that moment. She is broken, she is lost and she is stripped of her self-worth. Gavin can relate to this state all too well, because he too has been there when his mother died. He knows that she doesn’t need any encouraging talks or sweets or a scientific explanation to her feelings. At that moment, all she needs is warmth and a safe space to process what she is going through thoroughly. Which is why Gavin simply offers her to share what’s eating at her with him and cry all she wants. He doesn’t do anything beyond that. He NEVER EVER PUSHES HER TO DO ANYTHING! He just stays by her side in silence, giving her space...a warm space and the rest unravels from itself.  GOAL #1 Find someone who can feel your troubles, address them with care and share your burden with you. Someone who gives you a safe space to feel down without feeling ashamed of yourself. Someone who makes what’s yours theirs. 

For better, for worse... 

Gavin is aware of the fact that his words can give her comfort, but he also knows that she hasn’t told him the whole story yet. She needs to feel self-worthy again and go back to her true, kind and brave self. So he arranges a Ferris wheel ride in the middle of the night to show her the bright side that she fails to see at the moment. If MC had been asleep then he would’ve just tried another night but much to his luck she was standing on her balcony, lost in her thoughts, gazing at the bracelet he gave her and confiding in it. So he sweeps her off her feet once again and takes her to the construction site. He shows her from the cabin the world she succeeded in saving and that the world which is still turning thanks to her. She is the savior and not the burden and most certainly not a burden to Gavin. Neither with her negative feelings nor with her presence. She belongs there where she is and Gavin appreciates her existence. Because she didn’t only save the world but also him, many times, she caught him while he was falling. However, MC believes that its always been Gavin who was always there to catch her from falling. Their feelings and thoughts are again mirroring each other. Both of them are invested equally in their journey together, both have saved the other. Hearing this, MC finally opens up about her true feelings and lets the tears flow, and those tears are again wiped away by Gavin. When the wheel reaches its zenith, MC and Gavin are in a tight embrace and MC is finally almost back to her usual self: “With it, he took all my tears, all the unsaid words, all my worries and regrets. At that moment, it felt like the walls around my heart had fallen, letting in countless rays of sun. All the unease, suffering, doubt, pain and hesitation just evaporated”. Once they get off the wheel and they run/fly hand in hand under the summer rain, MC feels like Gavin has always been by her side all over the past years and her heart’s worry and gloom is washed away by the rain. This is a very crucial thing for their relationship, because they were separated for six whole years and yet now MC feels like he were always by her side, watching her from afar, accompanying her in her journey. 

On a side note, Ferris wheel and the gingko bracelet have become the main symbols of their relationship. The bracelet represents their bond with each other regardless of the distance separating them and I am certain that the bracelet doesn't have any tracker on it to be honest but it helps MC to cool down when feeling upset or sad by reminding her of Gavin, her precious moments with him, his love for her, and that he will always be there for her. The Ferris wheel on the other hand is their journey. Each time they ride the Ferris wheel together their spirits are lifted up alongside with the cabin. Once it reaches its zenith they consummate their love for each other once again, no matter if it's on a date with a kiss or in CH 15 when MC tells Gavin her true feelings and Gavin addresses them directly resulting of them reciprocating their importance for each other. GOAL #2: A relationship is much like a Ferris Wheel. It goes up, it goes down, then goes up again. It's not always a bed of roses, there are many thorns during the ride. The important thing is to go through both phases hand in hand. 

This whole episode names Gavin as the source of MC’s sense of safety, courage and faith. MC feels herself the safest and most serene around him. Their night together at MC’s home is a strong evidence to this. Up to CH 15 and in the following episodes, MC has constant nightmares almost every night.  But when she sees the faint ray of light from the crack of her bedroom door, she finally enjoys a night’s sleep without nightmares or worries. Knowing that Gavin is on the other side of her door gives her the deepest sense of peace. This happens again in CH 26 btw. and I think the original idea was for them to sleep in the same bed in CH 15 but then abandoned due to obvious reasons... As far as I know Gavin is the only LI who sleeps in MC’s apartment so it shows the level of trust she has towards him. No matter what’s happening during the dates, in the mean story MC is not canonically that close with any of the guys, so it truly shows how safe she feels around Gavin, knowing that he wouldn’t overstep his boundaries. And she couldn’t be more correct, since Gavin leaves before she wakes up, making sure that none of them feel awkward in the morning and leaving the place as he found it, but not before leaving a note which gives her a reassurance that he is going to send somebody to keep an eye on her and ends with a simple “good morning”. Gavin is a very considerate guy, who doesn’t miss any hint thrown at him. After hearing MC not being able to sleep without wishing him good night, he realizes how important this simple wish is for her. So he makes sure to wish her a good morning, whether he is there to say it face to face or not. GOAL #3: Be with someone, with whom you can fell safe and be yourself around them. Someone whose presence chases your fears and nightmares away . Someone who knows what your values are and respects them.

In sickness and in health...

Not long after having a heart to heart conversation, MC and Gavin find themselves in a dispute over Perry. MC wants to stay by Perry’s side with the hopes of being able to help him but also come closer to the truth about her father. Gavin is not happy with the idea since he’s lost his EVOL and is dubious about Leto’s intentions so if any danger were to strike, he might not be able to protect MC. Despite this he agrees with MC’s wish in terms of her not putting herself in danger and that he would stay by her side. The second time the topic comes up, Gavin outright forbids her to get involved with Perry and MC in return, for the first time ever, tells him that she is going to do otherwise. This dispute arises because Gavin doesn’t tell her full story, that he’s lost his EVOL and that the STF is executing the Evolvers. MC on the other hand fails to see the situation from Gavin’s perspective or to trust him when he is so strict about keeping out of the whole ordeal. But right before they temporarily part ways she finds the courage to ask him about his worries and troubles, since she too can feel his distress, much like Gavin did hers at the beginning of the episode and offers to share his burden with him and that’s the thing. MC isn’t upset that Gavin doesn’t want her to see Perry anymore but that Gavin isn’t open with her and that he is still keeping his problems to himself. MC was hoping that he would trust her to face the truth and take on everything with him. That’s what actually hurts her the most. And Gavin is lost in this unexpected argument since he’d never had a situation like this with MC so he is torn between telling her the truth or leaving it be. Unfortunately he decides to just leave their dispute at that and leaves, not willing to have a fight with her. So they give each other the good old silence therapy for days and only after Perry reminded MC of Gavin’s good-will that she finally sends him an SMS (but only at second try, she wouldn’t send the first SMS in which she tells him that she is worried about him). Gavin is not  better either, since he is already at the hospital to check on her from afar, but is not ready to face her yet. Its a typical “earlier in the relationship dispute” so much so that MC even literally sleeps with her phone while waiting for Gavin’s text/ call/ any response at all. Even I am shocked by his level of stubbornness at this point.  The next day MC receives the bad news about Perry and leaves the hospital, letting herself get soaked in the rain. This time around without Gavin by her side, with completely different feelings, thinking that the rain can’t wash everything away. This is a pivotal realization on MC’s end, because at that very moment she realizes that Gavin was the reason of her being able to overcome her worries and face her troubles with faith and courage. Luckily for her, right when she was thinking of him, she senses his scent behind her aaaand cue “Rosy Mirror”...

Its such a lovely moment for the maturity of their relationship, despite them still getting to know each other and being the youngsters they are. So MC apologizes to him (but only going through the reasons why in her head so Gavin only hears that she is sorry) and then Gavin finally opens up, since he has realized that was the mistake on his part, not telling her about his true worries. So without further ado he tells her about his insecurities about the possibility of not being able to protect her since their downfall from the TV tower, about him losing his Evol, about following her for a while from behind without knowing what to do. And that’s pretty much all it takes for them to overcome their dispute, since it was a relatively small dispute and so MC again fells warm and dry inside, not caring about the rain. GOAL #4 There are disputes in all relationships. What’s important during those disputes is not to hurt each other’s feelings irreparably and communicate in honesty. It’s about trusting in each other’s good intentions and resolving the problem in hand with care and understanding. 

Till death do us part...

Our pair makes up and are ready for the next move but there are no happy endings in the MLQC universe...nö nö nö. Of course drama ensues as MC and Gavin find out that Perry has been kidnapped while MC’s precognitions start getting worse. But remember folks, Gav-babe is back so he calms her that as long as her precognitions are about the future, they can still change the course of events and that He trusts in her, so she also should put her trust in him too.  “That was his absolute faith in me, and his absolute reassurance for me”. We could actually roll the credits here without going further with the heart wrenching end of this chapter. 

Not long after though MC and Gavin has to face the worst of the worst...They have to witness Perry getting shot in the chest and leave him in his state, only to be greeted by the STF aiming at them by the exit of the warehouse, leading Gavin to resign from the STF. While on the run from the STF/NW, Gavin realizes that his Evol becomes extremely weak, so much so that he cannot even raise a barrier to hold back the bullets, which then results in MC getting shot on the back while trying to protect him. Not only MC’s precognition is coming true, but also Gavin is at his limit, both physically and mentally. So he is left with no choice, but to sacrifice himself and once again get separated from MC. For Gavin is Ch 15 is the worst-case scenario. The justice he has always believed in turned out to be a façade, he had to witness another child’s suffering in front of him and his raison d’être comes to the brink of losing her life because he failed to protect her. Everything that keeps him alive, everything that makes him who he is , is shattered right in front of his eyes. MC doesn’t have it any better as she can only watch as her worst nightmare comes true. The last 15-20 minutes of this chapter covers MC’s perpetual fear of being left by Gavin. She says thrice that she doesn’t want him to leave and begs him to stay (unfortunately Gavin doesn’t hear any of it). The have just built their faith in each other and yet got separated again after a brief moment of togetherness. IT becomes one of the issues that MC struggles with for at least 10 chapters, namely her fear of being left alone by Gavin.  

Here is a small comparison: All other LIs relationship with MC are doomed because of their choices: Kiro’s alternate personalities as Key (no time) and Helios (no love), Lucien’s involvement as Ares in BS or his values contradicting that of MCs, Victor’s pride and dominance as the research topic for my Phd at Boston College. Those guys actions and personalities conflicting with that of MCs are whats standing on the way of a harmonious relationship. With Gavin, these two are doomed by the seemingly endless external threats. Both Gavin and MC are constantly the main target of somebody’s plans and are under attack. Those poor babies cannot have a second of peace. As if it wasn’t enough, those parties constantly use their bond for their own means. Its Shaw using MC as a bait to provoke Gavin, its Josie telling MC that she is going to kill Gavin, its Gavin’s father using MC to convince Gavin to accept the NW plan. MC and Gavin don’t have any obstacles with regards to their own personalities or choices. They trust each other, stand by each other, understand each other’s perspective and love each other. In this chapter Elex even shows us that they could even take care of a child together for God’s sake. They...just...fit...

Unfortunately once again things unwind to their demise and Gavin, once again, has to leave MC for her sake. Before leaving her, Gavin repairs the gingko leaf bracelet brand new, so that MC can find the reassurance she seeks for on it in his absence and remind her that he will return to her side. He also leaves his jacket behind so that she can still feel his warmth. That’s his promise to her. That’s his reassurance that this is not a goodbye and that he is not ever going to leave without saying goodbye.  GOAL 5# True love is selfless, true love never dies and if two souls belong together, then nothing can keep them apart. because true love prevails. 

The chapter ends as its started. MC wakes up in her room after being hospitalized for a while, lost in her thoughts and finding reassurance in the gingko leaf bracelet on her wrist. The only difference this time around is that she wouldn’t find Gavin in her living room or hear three knocks on the door and find him standing tall in front of her... for this time around Gavin is gone...

[tigerkirby215]

5e Xayah, the Rebel build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Riot Games)

Holy shit they actually just flip the artwork. No this is genuinely Xayah’s “official” artwork it’s just a flip of Rakan’s...

So uh I had this build prepared back in August... and then I forgot it. Luckily I did write it down! See? I’m smarter than Rakan!

Honestly I’m quite thankful for Tasha’s coming out because it made my Xayah build a lot better. So I’m happy that I’m publishing it now in February instead of back in August when I made the first draft. A lot of things get better with age and love’s also one of them~ 💓

GOALS

Dodging seems to be a weak spot of yours - Sick of only hitting one enemy at a time? Make some Clean Cuts to strike behind your enemy. That’s what’s known as efficiency!

Move your feet, or lose some toes - Ever tripped on a feather? How about having your heels slashed?

A thousand cuts is only the beginning - In case of emergency push R button to dodge damage, and send a ton of feathers at your foes!

RACE

Xayah is half bird, but her taunt flat out shows she can’t fly which leaves Aarakocra out of the picture. She’s also very chatty (holy shit have you seen how many voice lines Xayah and Rakan have?) so Kenku is definitely not an option. So when in Rome as a furry look no further than a Shifter.

All Shifters have Darkvision and their Shifting ability to gain temporary hitpoints, but everything else is determined by their subrace: you’re the girl with the plan for the hunt. The Wildhunt that is! Your Wisdom increases by 2 and your Dexterity increases by 1. You’re a Natural Tracker with proficiency in Survival. And your Shifting Feature will let you become one with nature for advantage on Wisdom checks, and you can up your dodging game so no enemy can hit you with advantage.

ABILITY SCORES

15; DEXTERITY - You’re a marksman. That means attacking with a ranged weapon, which takes nimbleness.

14; WISDOM - Wisdom will let you connect with the natural magic of the world. Most literally as you’re going to be using Wisdom to cast spells!

13; INTELLIGENCE - You’re the one with the plan.

12; CONSTITUTION - Ha ha ADC health bar go brrrr, but even if Xay is squishy in LoL that doesn’t mean we can’t grab Grasp for a bit more health.

10; CHARISMA - Xayah has a degree of rough charm to her. But I mean hey: you got Rakan to fall for you?

8; STRENGTH - As much muscle as dancing takes you don’t need it to cut through your foes.

BACKGROUND

You’re a freedom fighter. A rebel with a cause fighting as a Faction Agent for the Vastayan cause. You get proficiency in Insight along with any Intelligence, Wisdom, or Charisma ability. For a dance under the moonlight with Rakan get Performance proficiency: it takes two to tango after all! You also get proficiency in two languages: unfortunately Aarakocra isn’t an option but Auran (or rather Primordial) will serve well to speak the Vastayan-bird language. And to learn the ancient language of Ionia I’d recommend Sylvan.

As a vastayan rebel you can gain access to a Safe Haven for you and your allies. By using secret signs and passwords you can identify other rebels who can bring you to a safe house, give you a free place to stay, or assist you in finding information. They won’t risk their lives for you but as long as you remember the password they’ll be willing to help. Be sure to remember the password by the way. Because Rakan definitely won’t.

(Artwork by XhiliaJP on DeviantArt)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1 - FIGHTER 1

Starting off as a Fighter for a few things known as saving throws, but also for skills like Acrobatics and Perception to see incoming skill shots and dodge them with grace. You also get Second Wind to heal for a d10 plus your Fighter level for some health pots in lane.

Your main choice as a Fighter at early levels is your Fighting Style and we’ll be grabbing a Bladecaller root very early thanks to Superior Technique from Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything. You learn a Battle Master Maneuver from the Battle Master subclass: we’ll be going for Trip Attack to hinder enemy movement. You then get a d6 Maneuver die to use on Trip Attack, and nothing else because spoilers: we won’t be getting other maneuvers.

LEVEL 2 - FIGHTER 2

Second level Fighters get their Action Surge, allowing them to take two actions in a turn instead of 1. For now that only means two attacks. For now.

LEVEL 3 - FIGHTER 3

Third level Fighters get to choose their Martial Archetype and to channel some magic into your “blades” (read: arrows, because you should be using a longbow) go for the magic of the Arcane Archer. Arcane Archer Lore will give you proficiency in Arcana or Nature (we’re actually going to be going for Arcana) as well as either the Prestigiation or Druidcraft cantrip (naturally as a naturalist we’ll be going for Druidcraft.)

"How can humans not hear the magic?"

"They're too busy building things."

"Why?"

"Because... they're afraid."

Of course the main feature of the Arcane Archer is their Arcane Shot. Once per turn when you fire an arrow from a bow, you can apply one of your Arcane Shots to that arrow. You decide to use the option when the arrow hits a creature, unless the option doesn’t involve an attack roll. You have two uses of Arcane Shot that come back after a Short or Long rest.

Let’s talk about your Arcane Shots then, hm? To root your foe (sorta) Grasping Arrow does an extra 2d6 Poison damage and lowers the target’s movement speed by 10. Additionally if they try to move without Flash (or other means of teleportation) they’ll take an extra 2d6 slashing damage. The target can use its action to remove the brambles with a successful Athletics check against your Arcane Shot save DC, or ask their support to do it for them. Otherwise, the brambles last for 1 minute or until you use this option again.

Piercing Arrow meanwhile doesn’t require an attack roll. Instead you target all enemies in a 30 foot line and force them to make a Dexterity save. On a failed save they take damage as if they were shot by the bow, along with an extra d6 of piercing. On a successful save however they only take half, but realistically if you’re hitting 3 or more people with this arrow it’s still worth it even if you miss.

(Artist unknown. Made for Riot Games.)

LEVEL 4 - RANGER 1

Feel free to take one more level in Fighter for an ASI but I’m going to go to Ranger now and grab Nature proficiency from the class, which is why we took Arcana earlier!

Also thank god Tasha’s is out because instead of the meme known as Natural Explorer we get Deft Explorer. Canny gives you Expertise in one of your skills (I personally opted for Acrobatics to evade any Shadow Assassins who may try to kill you, but honestly any one of your skills make sense for Expertise so feel free to pick whatever you think will be useful) and two language proficiencies of your choice. (Choose whatever you think will help your cause.)

But the more interesting feature is Favored Foe. When you hit an enemy you can choose to mark them to make your feathers just a little more sharp. The first time on each of your turns that you hit the marked target and deal damage to it (including when you first mark it) you can do an extra d4 of damage to them.

The bond lasts for 1 minute unless you get hit hard enough to lose your concentration because yes: this feature takes your concentration for some reason which is why we went into Fighter first for proficiency in Constitution saves. You can use the mark a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus, and you regain all expended uses when you finish a long rest.

LEVEL 5 - RANGER 2

Second level Rangers get their Fighting Style, and since we didn’t take Archery from Fighter we’ll instead be taking it here.

But more importantly you get Spellcasting. You can learn two spells from the Ranger list: to keep enemies in place with Bladecaller take Ensnaring Strike. Alternatively if you want to increase your evasion with your Deadly Plumage Zephyr Strike will make it so enemies can’t make attacks of opportunity against you, and you can end the spell’s effects to do more damage with an attack and then increase your movement speed afterwards.

LEVEL 6 - RANGER 3

Third level Rangers get to choose their Ranger Archetype, and with Tasha’s Cauldron out we have an explanation for Xayah’s Deadly Plumage. Why, it’s a swarm of feathers of course! Xayah’s a Swarmkeeper! After hitting an enemy you can use your Gathered Swarm for a variety of different effects. You can do an extra d6 of piercing damage, force a Strength save or be pushed up to 15 feet horizontally in a direction of your choice, or you can move yourself 5 feet horizontally in a direction of your choice.

You also get Swarmkeeper Magic for a variety of spells. For one you get Mage Hand, and you also get Faerie Fire to light up all your enemies’ weak points. You can also learn another spell like Hail of Thorns for Clean Cuts through any foes who may be bunched up.

And to top it off you get Primal Awareness for a few extra spells. You learn the Speak with Animals spell, and cast it once per Long Rest without spending a spell slot.

LEVEL 7 - RANGER 4

4th level Rangers get an Ability Score Improvement. Increase your Intelligence by 1 and your Dexterity by 1, because why not replace one uneven ability score with another? "And an F, for effort."

LEVEL 8 - RANGER 5

5th level Rangers get an Extra Attack. Two attacks per round for a bit more attack speed.

You also get access to second level spells, and from your Swarmkeeper Magic you get the Web spell, which perhaps isn’t too fitting but you shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Additionally Primal Awareness adds Beast Sense to your spell list, and lets you cast it without spending a spell slot. Perhaps not the most useful spell, but as Xayah would say: "Spiders are my spirit animal." And finally you can learn another spell too like Lesser Restoration for some QSS in case of emergency.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

LEVEL 9 - RANGER 6

6th level Rangers see their Favored Foe damage increase to a d6. Additionally they get Roving from Deft Explorer for 5 additional moving speed and some help with swimming and climbing.

LEVEL 10 - RANGER 7

7th level Rangers can at least try to fly thanks to Writhing Tide. As a bonus action you gain a flying speed of 10 feet and can hover. The effect lasts for 1 minute or until you are incapacitated. You can use this feature a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus, and you regain all expended uses when you finish a long rest. It perhaps isn’t the most useful thing for mobility but it’s good to use your feathers to get the perfect angle on your foes, or to keep away from melee bruisers looking to slice your chicken.

You can also learn another spell at this level like Enhance Ability, for a boost to give 120% when you need it.

LEVEL 11 - RANGER 8

8th level Rangers get another Ability Score Improvement: to maximize the deadliness of your plumage take the Piercer feat from Tasha’s Cauldron of Everything. Along with a +1 increase to your Dexterity you can also reroll one attack roll that did piercing damage (your longbow does piercing damage) to hopefully turn a low roll into a high roll. But to top it off when you score a critical hit (that deals piercing damage) you can roll one additional damage die when determining the extra piercing damage the target takes. Any ADC can attack an enemy but Clean Cuts is what lets Xayah stand out from the crowd.

LEVEL 12 - RANGER 9

9th level Rangers get more spells. From Primal Awareness you get Speak with Plants, to understand why the land of Ionia is upset at the humans. You can also grab Conjure Barrage for a Featherstorm to cut down a full crowd. But if you want to evade with Featherstorm your Swarmkeeper Magic grants you the Gaseous Form spell, to become untargetable (to an extent) and still be able to move and dodge (to an extent.)

(Artwork by SplashBrush on DeviantArt. It’s considerably easier to find artwork of Xayah than it is to find artwork of Rakan :c)

LEVEL 13 - FIGHTER 4

Back to good ol’ Fighter to pick up that ASI I ignored. +2 to Dexterity? That’ll max out your hit chance and attack damage!

LEVEL 14 - FIGHTER 5

5th level Fighters get an Extra Attack... which you already have. "I can't even... I don't know where to begin."

LEVEL 15 - FIGHTER 6

6th level Fighters get more Ability Score Improvements! Since your Dexterity is maxed out you can choose to increase either your Wisdom for better Ranger spells or your Intelligence for better Fighter Arcane Shots. Pick whatever suits your fancy but remember that your Arcane Shots come back on a Short Rest while your Ranger spells are restricted by Long Rests.

LEVEL 16 - FIGHTER 7

Do you have a Magic Weapon? Well you do now! 7th level Rangers get Magic Arrow, which makes their shots magical for the sake of overcoming resistances and immunity. Is total level 16 way too late to be getting this? Yeah probably.

Good thing you also get Curving Shot! If you miss an attack you can redirect it with Clean Cuts, spending a Bonus Action to roll an attack on a different enemy within 60 feet of the original target. And to top it off you get another Arcane Shot option: Seeking Arrow is a good way to target backline enemies, but it’s also really useful to deal with any invisible foes. "Did they deserve it?" "They deserved it."

(Artwork by Riot Games)

LEVEL 17 - FIGHTER 8

8 is the magic number for more ASIs. Intelligence is nice; so is Wisdom. Increase what you want.

LEVEL 18 - FIGHTER 9

9th level Rangers can pick up Mercurial Scimitar and get out of CC with Indomitable. If you fail a saving throw, you can reroll it! But it’s only once per Long Rest. Note that you can reroll death saves, so don’t die or that would make Rakan sad.

LEVEL 19 - FIGHTER 10

10th level Fighters get another Arcane Shot option. Yup that’s literally it. Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth, I guess. Regardless this late into the game some CC would probably be good, so take Banishing Arrow.

LEVEL 20 - FIGHTER 11

Our capstone is the 11th level of Fighter for an Extra Attack that does stack, giving us three total! Cap off that attack speed to slice through foes like butter! "I love watching you kill." "I love killing for you." "Let's make out."

FINAL BUILD

PROS

Hurray; they all died - You’re really good at Fighting, almost like you multiclassed Fighter with a half-Fighter. You’re incredibly precise with a +13 to hit with your longbow and have plenty of tools to increase your overall DPS.

What? They were in my way - You’ve also got plenty of tricks up your sleeve. Arcane Shots, one use of Trip Attack, Gathered Swarm shenanigans, and plenty of dangerous utility spells.

Oops, your bad! - You’ve got quite a few aces up your sleeve to stop you from being blown up. Higher than average movement thanks to being a Ranger, and your Swarmkeeper abilities lets you increase your movement. Not to mention utility spells like Gaseous Form. And you also have two different ways to boost your health (Second Wind + Shifting), 17 AC with Studded Leather... oh and did I mention you have +17 in Acrobatics?

CONS

Can I just hate you to death? - You’ve got limited resources on top of limited resources on top of limited resources. Two Arcane Shots per Short Rest, spell slots that are limited by Long Rests, healing and temp HP that’s tied to a Short Rest... Be sure to ration out your abilities so you don’t run out when you need them most.

Chaos is the preferred state of nature - All your saving throws are rather mediocre, notably your Charisma which is a nice flat +0. Rakan’s the talker, but a beautiful smile will keep you out of any banishing spells.

Magic is not some river - So it turns out multiclassing two sorta-casters means that you can’t focus on either stat. If you can easily get a 19 in Intelligence (such as with a Hextech Headband) perhaps focus on Wisdom. If not? Well Point Buy is an option.

But if you were perfect why would you need Rakan? He’s there to pick up your slack, and you’re there to make sure he doesn’t screw up. Dance along with him and cut down anyone who stands in your way. There’s nothing you can’t defeat with the power of love... But a good plan is also helpful, so make sure Rakan actually remembers it this time.

"Hey, I have a plan."

"You... have a plan?"

"Yeah! I'll go on instinct!"

"That's the opposite of a plan."

(Artwork by Riot Games)

[rinusagitora]

You’re in all my dreams.

Fandom: Bleach

Characters: Karin Kurosaki, Toushirou Hitsugaya, Momo Hinamori, OC- Mae Izumi

Pairings: HitsuKarin

Words: 2.2k

Summary: Shinigami!Karin AU. For HitsuKarin Week 2021. WARNINGS- mentions of suicide, dysfunctional families; Karin graduates Shin'ou and shares her dreams with Toushirou.

AO3

For the last six years, Karin dreamed of the day she’d graduating from cadet to officer and don the shihakusho like everyone she ever admired.

It was an anxious future filled with wonder and promise she never knew back in the World of the Living. Going from cadet to captain of a small force was going to be quite the culture shock, perhaps even more than the cold water of the river where she drowned. But she made it, and it made her much more confident in her ability. Officers were chosen from a pool of graduates and turnover was infrequent since few officers passed away in peacetime. It made competition fierce and even rarer that a graduate obtained a seated position out of the gate.

She was equal parts nervous and excited. For the time being, all Karin wanted to do was enjoy the graduation bonfire.

Mae toppled onto the log, sloshing rice wine onto Karin’s lap. She laughed. “I’m sorry! I’m sooo hammered.”

“No worries. I think I’ve puked on you more times than you’ve spilled on me.”

“Indeed, we swapped roles tonight.” Mae tapped Karin’s nose. “Tonight, of all nights, you choose to be reserved. Why?”

Karin hummed and swirled beer. “I’m nervous, I think.”

“It’s a big change.” Mae looked over the crowd. “Where are Hinamori-fukutaichou and Hitsugaya-taichou? I expected them, of all people, to be here.”

Karin’s reikaku grazed the crowd. Momo was there, just chaperoning. Keeping firelight between bodies like a puritan. Perhaps rightfully so. They were the new faces of the Seireitei. It was better not to romp in the woods right over poison ivy before recruitment day. Pussy itch was a different kind of awful. The kind of awful where Karin, who was once impaled, ended up curling up on the floor crying while Izuru healed her crotch and Shuuhei and Renji laughed in the next room.

The crowd parted for Momo like river water around stones. She stopped before Karin, and Karin smiled at her mentor. “Hi, Momo-senpai.”

Mae nodded. "Hinamori-sama."

"Izumi-chan, I hope you're enjoying the festivities."

"Oddly enough. It's strange letting loose… but I see where Karin-chan's alcoholism comes from. Dancing while intoxicated is liberating."

"Indeed." Nonetheless, Momo cocked her head and curiously looked over Karin. Karin knew the jig was up from there. She and Ryuuji were normally in the center of the action, and Karin hadn't so much as howled or toasted once that evening.

“Leave us, Izumi-chan.”

Mae managed to right herself and bowed to excuse herself. Gracefully, Momo took a seat beside Karin as she cursed internally. She didn't want to talk about it, but Momo always dragged out her bad feelings and laid them in the open.

“It’s odd you’re not out enjoying the festivities. This is your… thing.”

“It’s just really hitting me that I’m going to be a shinigami,” Karin told Momo. “I’ve been working toward this goal for six years. What do I do from here?”

Momo laughed. “Six years is a blink of an eye for the majority of us.” She held Karin’s shoulders. “There will be plenty to do, Karin-chan.”

“I can’t believe we’re all in a squad just after graduation, though.”

“Who? Izumi and Kawashima?” Karin hummed affirmatively in response to Momo, who then grinned. “Believe it or not, Iba-taichou wanted Watanabe. I think Watanabe is in for a reality check.”

“You are far too happy over that.” Karin couldn’t help but share Momo’s thrill, however. Chousuke Watanabe was a thorn in her side for six years, being her friend Ryuuji’s tormentor. Tetsuzaemon would straighten him out. The very picture of manhood and chivalry according to Momo. It was far too rewarding imagining Chousuke getting reamed by a six-foot wall of meat and battle scars.

"Bias is something I never shied away from. It's been a driving force in my life, for better or worse." Momo kissed Karin's forehead. "For best, in your case. You've been family since the moment I laid eyes on you, Karin-chan. My own in many ways. Every obstacle you've faced, you've overcome, and are better for it. I am so proud of how far you've come, and I'm so glad to have played a part in it."

Karin smiled bashfully. At least she had Momo.

Momo lovingly jostled Karin. There it was. Momo buttered up Karin just enough and was about to get her to bust open a can of worms. "What's on your mind?"

"I just… I thought Toushirou would be here. I haven't seen him all day today."

"I'm not supposed to tell you, but," Momo whispered, grinning, "he's preparing something special. Be patient."

Her heart pattered. "Oh." Of course he was. She was a little ashamed that hadn't occurred to her earlier as if they hadn't developed years of trust and affection, or at least a solid friendship. Nonetheless, Momo stroked Karin's hair, reminding her she was only human, that something so little wouldn't ruin everything.

Speaking of… Karin picked up on a familiar, icy reiatsu approaching. It was Toushirou, still in uniform. She smiled and Momo tapped her on her nose.

"See?"

"Not yet, but he's coming." Momo only rolled her eyes in response to Karin's lame joke.

"I'll leave you now. Enjoy your night, Karin-chan."

"Thanks, Senpai. I love you."

"And I love you."

Toushirou was still in uniform with his hands tucked into his sleeves. As he passed, Karin's fellow cadets parted and bowed to him. He ignored the attention, however, instead sporting a smile as he found Karin on her log.

He'd undergone hormone therapy in recent years to trigger a growth spurt. And he'd grown up to be a handsome young man, with looks rivaling stars in the World of the Living with access to renowned surgeons.

"I hope you've been enjoying yourself," he said. He took a seat next to her. He smelled like flowers. "I never attended these things, truthfully."

"Did you want to try dancing?" Karin asked.

"Well… I don't know," he said. Toushirou pulled a modest bouquet of daffodils from his sleeve, tied off with a turquoise ribbon. "It's not a big gift, I know, but I hope it reminds you that you're always welcome in juubantai."

Gingerly, Karin took his bouquet and smelled them. They smelled like spring. "I love them," she said. "Thank you."

She pressed a kiss against Toushirou's cheek, and he happily hummed. "I'm glad you like them. It's hard buying gifts for you."

"As if."

"It's true," he replied. "All Matsumoto wants is a day off, Hinamori loves spices and tobacco, and the boys are happy with some sake. You, on the other hand, easily get your hands on sake and tobacco, and hate downtime." Toushirou crossed his legs. "I should've consulted my sister."

Karin frowned. "But I like them…"

"The flowers? But they're such a lazy gift," he scoffed.

"I like everything you give me." She smiled. "Really, thank you. I love them."

He laughed bashfully. "Well, I'm glad."

Together they sat amid drums and singing and firelight, swaying with it, until Toushirou asked, "I don't want to take you from your friends, but I’m not enjoying myself here. Do you mind going elsewhere?"

"We can leave," Karin said. "Where do you want to go?"

"Someplace quiet where we can see the stars."

Her cheeks were warm at the idea. How romantic.

Karin bashfully followed behind Toushirou, holding his hand as he guided her away from the bonfire. When it was dark, he illuminated the way with kidou, assured in every step. A gorgeous man. He'd grown into his looks. His cheekbones were high, his shoulders broad. She could swoon until early morning over his handsome shape.

Up a hill, through a grove, and up a steep path, until they reached the peak of a sheer cliff. The stars above looked like a river of life. They didn't twinkle but were a steady pathway carved in the sky. Karin fell onto the grass and marveled. "Wow. When did you find this, Toushirou?"

"Not long ago. I wouldn't keep this from you  without a good reason." He smiled at her. Sitting, he said, "Do you like it?"

"Yes!" Karin nigh tackled Toushirou and kissed his cheek. "It's beautiful."

"I should've brought wine."

"This is perfect." Karin laid her head on Toushirou's shoulder. Together they stared into the stars. She searched for constellations but found none she recognized. "Do you think the World of the Living and the Soul Society have different stars?" she asked.

"I'm not sure. No one spends time looking up in the Soul Society. Those who do, don't seem to have the technology contributing to significant findings," Toushirou replied. "I'm not much of an astronomer either."

"You're a man of the law."

He laughed bashfully. "Aye."

Karin drew pictures in the stars herself. Birds, men, kitchenware, like she remembered from her human life not so long ago. Six years was nothing compared to how long her peers lived, was it? Not Momo, who was approaching a century and a half. Not even Toushirou, well into his seventies by that point. But Karin couldn’t remember the names of the stars or where to find them in the sky. How much longer did she have until she overwrote their patterns with other things? How much longer until her sad mortal history was forgotten in a sea of everything else?

There weren’t immediate answers to her questions, but Karin was fine with that. She said, "I remember hoping a rope would drop from the sky and drag me by the neck. Put me out of my misery."

"Understandable," Toushirou replied.

"I'm so much happier here. It's not always easy, but..."

"Slow and steady?"

"Yeah. Slow and steady wins the race. And I'm glad to be with you for it."

"So," Toushirou said, "no more sky-ropes to hang you until you're dead?"

She giggled. "Not anymore. I don't fancy myself a pirate, anyway."

He hummed. "I had a dream some time ago. Similar to yours... although I remember it being less grizzly," Toushirou confessed. She pulled her gaze from the starlight and saw him cloaked in darkness. Still, his eyes shined with wonder. Adoration. "A dream that assured me you're the love of my life."

"Go on," she said.

"I was being puppeteered by the sky. Dragged around day in and day out. And I saw the strings on you, into the sky as far as my eyes could see. And yet despite time, and fate, and all the horridness that plagued life for some time, we fought to be together." He clasped her hand. "Our strings became tangled and pink like cherry blossoms in spring. Like sunset. And... and I never want those strings freed." His blue-green eyes met hers. They made her melt like her body was hot wax in a leather bag. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Karin."

It felt like forever before she caught her breath. She asked, "Are you proposing?"

"If that's all it takes to spend the rest of my life by your side, and you at my side, I'll fetch a ring now. Propose properly in front of as many people as you like.”

Karin giggled. Picturing Toushirou hopping onto a bar counter, sake raised high, and screaming how deeply he was in love with Karin to their loved ones and peers, was quite a sight to behold! Yet, as anxious as he was to do so, she replied with, "Not at all. But let's make plans down the road. When I'm settled in."

"Of course." Toushirou sighed happily. They kissed. "I'm so in love with you, Karin."

"And I love you."

"I could stay here forever."

Karin hummed. “We have forever to do that…”

He turned to meet her gaze. “But?”

“I want to do more.” She sat up. “We work because we’re more than just lovers. We’re friends, confidants, partners. Warriors and artists and scholars.”

“Of course,” he agreed, propping himself on his palm.

“I want to be married, and I want forever with you, as much as I want-”

Toushirou said, completing Karin’s statement, “More.” He held her hand then. “It’s one of the reasons I love you. My recruitment was necessary. Yours is nothing but-”

“Desire.” She gazed into the stars, searching for divination in the blanket covering a slowly rotating plane.

“Then what more do you want?”

“To give justice and safety to those who have been and yet to be hurt. No one should suffer as I, and we have. I want to tear down the caste system here. Hold nobility responsible for their actions and give power back to the people, and eradicate the symbols of fascism and cruelty. I want to reconnect families. To make the Rukongai safe, so no one’s starving or resorting to crime to survive. And…” Karin turned to Toushirou, her breath stilling as she saw his eyes swimming with adoration. “And I want to mold the next generation to dream as I now dream, and to better the world. And I want to do all of it with you beside me, Toushirou. As equals.”

Toushirou cupped her cheek. He kissed her, and she held his sleeve. “Let’s do it. Together,” he said. Their foreheads touched. “Together always.”

[monstersdownthepath]

Spiritual Spotlight: Zyphus, the Grim Harvestman

Neutral Evil God of Accidental Deaths, Graveyards, and Tragedies

Domains: Death, Destruction, Evil, Plant, War Subdomains: Blood, Catastrophe, Daemon, Decay, Murder, Thorns, Undead

Inner Sea Faiths, pg. 88~93

Obedience: Spend an hour sitting on the grave of someone who suffered an accidental death. You must reflect on how chance has wronged you and vocally reject the influence of any gods associated with these wrongs. If no suitable grave exists, spend an hour telling strangers how their religious beliefs and hopes for a just afterlife are folly and of no consequence. Alternatively, you can write this screed and post it in a public place within a settlement. If you’re away from civilization, you can instead spend an hour sabotaging a path, bridge, tool, or other device so that it’s dangerous for the next person who uses it. Benefit: You gain a +4 profane bonus on Craft (traps) or Disable Device checks, chosen when you complete the obedience. 

i’m glad the grim harvestman covers his basis but also jesus

Anyway, Zyphus is one of the most petty and spiteful of the gods, and this is no better shown than in this Obedience. A typical adventurer wandering the countryside must actively make the world a worse place for everyone else involved, and the clause “next person who uses it” means that you have to either toss aside your party’s good will, or take up the dreaded spot at the back of the marching order. Should you find yourself in a public area, you become just as much of an obnoxious git as a follower of Groetus, except this time you’re personally spitting on their beliefs... However, if you wish to be significantly more tolerated by society, you should do as Zyphus encourages his followers to do and disguise yourself as a Pharasmin or the faithful of another god of order and afterlives and very carefully disguise your blasphemy as “misguided” teachings. At worst, you can feign ignorance and/or explain that you’re new to the faith and had no idea that what you’re saying is wrong. You can even blame other Zyphans for muddying your understanding of the truth, an act I’m sure the Harvestman finds extra ironic!

Telling someone that their practices don’t matter because Pharasma has already decided your fate is the easiest way to go, and the best part is it’s not even inaccurate! NPCs don’t have the spiritual freedom PCs do, so their path is already nearly impossible to change! Get pranked, idiots! Masquerading as one of Pharasma’s flock comes in especially handy when performing the first and ‘easiest’ ritual, as well, because tending to graves is something the Lady of Graves wants people to do in the first place. Make sure to be careful with how you word your vocal casting away of the god’s will, however, or you may arouse more suspicion than you soothe.

The benefit is subpar. Crafting traps is alright, but you’ve likely got better things to use your gold on--wait, there’s no restriction on the CR of traps you can craft, so long as you can beat the DC and have the gold? Well. Go crazy, go stupid, I guess! Here’s a list of everything you can make! The most cost-efficient and useful, however, is the CR 1 bear trap, which--make no mistake--will absolutely shred lower level encounters, but will lose a lot of its spark later on. At least it costs basically nothing to make! Traps are usually the domain of the DMs, but if you need to hold an area? They can come in very, very handy. Otherwise, you’re just leaving them behind you on lonely roads in the hopes some fool will step on them.

Disable Device is normally the way you want to go, shutting off traps that could be a potentially lethal danger for most of the party at most levels. And, of course, rearming them so some fool behind you can stumble into them later. Even if your adventure doesn’t contain many traps, you should never underestimate the strength there is in doing something as simple as popping a lock.

Boons are acquired slowly: the first once you reach 12 hit dice, the second at 16, and the third at 20. However, the Evangelist, Exalted, and Sentinel Prestige Classes can be entered as early as level 5; doing so grants you the Boons at levels 8, 11, and 14 instead. As Zyphus is a true deity and does not require Fiendish Obedience, you earn the right to enter the classes earlier than those who serve fiends!

-------- EVANGELIST --------

Boon 1: Champion of Cruel Chance. Gain Deathwatch 3/day, False Life 2/day, or Healing Thief 1/day.

Decent all around! And by “decent” I mean “they have niche uses, but shine in those uses.” Healing Thief is the most interesting one, establishing a link between you and a creature you touch that causes the victim to heal only half as much from magical or supernatural means, with you gaining the other half. Creatures who gain Fast Healing or Regeneration through supernatural circumstances can become a boon to you, while enemies relying on Channeled positive energy or in-combat healing will find themselves struggling. The best part is that it doesn’t even offer a saving throw!

Of course, it’s still a touch attack, and you have to remain within an extremely tight radius around the enemy (25ft + 5ft/level) to maintain the siphon. This is a little riskier than I’d like, not to mention it’s completely useless if your foe doesn’t use any in-combat healing. Also, at only 1/day, I’d probably settle for the significantly more boring False Life for a nice 1d10+8 (up to +10) temp HP that lasts for a million years. It’s not much, but you can use it twice and it might stop some scratch damage, and every point between you and 0 HP is nice.

Deathwatch lets you instantly know if you’re looking at an Undead or disguised Construct, which is its primary function in my book. With a duration of 10 min/level, it’s likely to last for entire dungeon floors and makes you an expert at calling out foes who’re on their last legs but otherwise looking healthy. It’s a decent spell if you’re unsure of what you’re going up against or want to be the pointman for your team, but otherwise False Life is the typical go-to.

Boon 2: Resiliency. 1/day, you can gain a number of temporary hit points equal to your Hit Dice, lasting for 1 minute. Activating this ability is an immediate action that can be performed only when you would be brought below 0 hit points, and can be used to prevent you from dying. If you have the Resiliency ability from another source, you can activate these abilities separately or as part of the same immediate action.

As far as I can tell, there is exactly one source for the Resiliency ability as it’s written here, and that’s a single Rogue Talent. It’s... eeeeeegh, not so good. It lets you stall death’s timer for a single minute, usually long enough to end the battle (or be ended) and get some real healing. It will likely save your life at least once in a campaign, but the goal here is to avoid being brought to 0 in the first place! Especially since this will, if obtained ASAP, only shield you for 11 HP, which is one--maybe two--attacks from a creature with a similar CR and basically nothing against spells being flung around at that level. This Boon is actually worse in many ways than just giving +1 HP per HD you have, especially since you technically already have access to the same amount of temp HP in False Life.

I suppose the most amusing use of this power is to fake being down and out until your foe turns away, but that carries risks of its own. If you’re brought to -20 or something and the temp HP only takes you to -5, you’re still knocked out but at least have some mercy time before you start dying for real. I’d advocate for combining this with Diehard if you want to get the most out of it, because otherwise this is an extremely subpar “Life Insurance” Boon that will really only impress the group maybe once or twice in a campaign and be boring or underwhelming in all other moments.

I’d want it to be at least 2 or even 3/day.

Boon 3: Tragic Minion. By spending 1 minute praying over the corpse of a Humanoid opponent or a Humanoid who has died a tragic death, you can summon an Allip to serve you. Unlike a normal Allip, this Allip is of an alignment that matches yours, and has a number of hit points equal to half your total. It receives a +4 bonus on Will saves to halve the damage from channeled positive energy, and it can’t be turned or commanded. This Allip serves as a companion to you and can communicate intelligibly with you despite its madness. You can dismiss it as a standard action. If the Allip is destroyed or dismissed, you can’t summon another for 7 days. This ability allows you to have only one Allip companion at a time.

Oh, that’s cute! You get a little insane friend! Unfortunately, as you can see here, it’s about 10 levels too late to actually be useful. At the level you can finally summon one, your Allips are extremely fragile, as even with their boosted HP they’re still only protected by an AC of 14 and no outstanding resistances aside from their incorporeality. Enemies with magic weapons are almost a certainty by level 14, and even enemies without magic weapons will rarely ever fail their save against the Allip’s Touch of Madness, whose save DC doesn’t scale past 15. You’d be relying wholly on it scoring critical hits, which make the Wisdom damage and drain irresistible, but that’s obviously not viable.

Really, all parts of Tragic Minion are ironically accurate. The Allip can’t even really serve as a scout, because they constantly Babble to themselves in a way that hypnotizes everyone within 60ft of them. Even with their +8 Stealth, a bunch of mooks suddenly stopping and standing still will alert enemies who can succeed the DC 15 Will save that something strange is going on. Adding in that Allips have no ability to hide or disguise themselves, just walking around with one is enough to turn heads. And don’t even think about just dismissing it and summoning another one, or using it in combat with any level-appropriate foe, or this is a blank Boon for an entire week!

Seriously, the 7 day ban on summoning another one is a serious kick in the teeth when the “only one at a time” limit was restrictive enough. You’d think Zyphus would be happy to grant his most powerful Evangelists more than one CR 3 minion at a time, but no! If you lose this extremely fragile minion, no more for 7 days! That’ll teach you to take good care of your toys! And that’s more or less the Allip is; a toy. An accessory.

-------- EXALTED --------

Boon 1: Catalyst of Destruction. Gain Break 3/day, Find Traps 2/day, or Spiked Pit 1/day.

Well I certainly hope there’s traps, given who you’re working for! But it’s good to have insurance that they’re not aimed at you. Find Traps lasts a decent time (1 min/level) and grants a monstrous Perception bonus to spotting them, automatically triggering a Perception check if you draw too close to a trap as well which--depending on how you interpret the spell--alerts you to the fact one is nearby even if you don’t see it. Then you can use Zyphus’ granted +4 to Disable Device to knock it out!

Break can have its uses, shattering enemy equipment even as they wield it. Just remember that targeting an attended object allows the wielder to make a saving throw in its place, while an unattended object gets no saving throw (provided it’s nonmagical). And since Break targets Fortitude, it’s not likely to affect the targets you’d really need it to (Fighters in heavy armor and Barbarians with big weapons), but if your teammates can knock their weapons from their hands, they’re free game. However, the use of Break in combat doesn’t nearly compare to what it can do out of combat; weakening doorways, crumbling containers, sabotaging enemy equipment they’d otherwise grab later, and cracking open items made of skymetal. Note that a second casting of Break outright destroys an item that’s already broken, and you have three each day! Personally, I’d save it for the times you need to sabotage something or bypass a small obstacle, rather than risk a high-Fort-save enemy succeeding in combat and wasting your turn.

And I’ve spoken about Spiked Pit before, here and here, but to reiterate:  it’s a pseudo Save-or-Suck that seriously waste the time of anything without a decent Strength score or some Climb skill as they crawl back out of the pit, while you and your allies either deal with other foes, or rain destruction down on them from above. Even if the victim makes their initial save, the pit doesn’t go anywhere, letting you push your targets in one at a time if need be. Since it’s literally just a huge hole in the ground, you can even hurl multiple enemies inside! AND it’s filled with damaging spikes! The spikes don’t do much, but every little bit helps.

Boon 2: Ever Vigilant. You are protected by a constant Death Ward, The immunity to energy drain ends after the effect has prevented a number of negative levels equal to your Hit Dice*, which resets when you next perform your Obedience. In addition, you gain a +2 profane bonus on saving throws against effects that occur before your first turn in combat.

*it says “Exalted level” but that would mean that this could have zero effect if you don’t class into it, so it’s been changed to prevent it from being a dead Boon.

Huh, this is pretty g--wait. Hold on, let me read this a little closer

“The subject gains a +4 morale bonus on saves against all death spells and magical death effects. The subject is granted a save to negate such effects even if one is not normally allowed. The subject is immune to energy drain and any negative energy effects, including channeled negative energy.“

and what did Ever Vigilant say? “The immunity to energy drain ends--”? But that implies that the rest of Death Ward stays up, right? ... right :)

A lot of Boons grant you an everlasting spell effect for your trouble, but none of them are quite as potent as this one. Death Ward UTTERLY stops negative energy effects, crushing the entire school of Necromancy underfoot, crippling the offensive power of most forms of Undead, and ironically making the devotees of the God of Tragic Death some of the hardest sons of guns to actually tragically kill. Even if an incoming death effect offered no save (such as Power Word Kill), Death Ward forces one, and because you’re Ever Vigilant you don’t even have to know you’re going to face one to begin with!

Also, a universal +2 bonus to saves when out of combat, and for the first round in combat! A nice and cute addition, making it slightly harder for enemy casters or monsters relying on their powers to get the jump on you. Ever Vigilant makes you one of the best Undead hunters out there... Which is why it’s--ironically--tragic that Zyphus, an Evil god, gives it out. In an Evil vs Good campaign, you’re not likely to actually be combating enemies who use negative energy, death effects, or anything else Death Ward protects against. The real sauce in this ability comes from an Evil vs Evil campaign, or a campaign in which you’re pretending to be Good, or at least Neutral! Just... make sure it ends before level 14, because...

Boon 3: Visitor From Abaddon. 1/day as a standard action, you can summon a pair of Greater Ceustodaemons as if with Summon Monster II, and gain telepathy with them to a range of 100 feet. The Ceustodaemons follow your commands perfectly for 1 round per Hit Die you possess before vanishing back to their home on Abaddon. The Ceustodaemons don’t follow commands that would cause them to perform overly good acts or save mortal lives other than your own, and they immediately vanish if your orders contradict these restrictions.

...it’s going to be very difficult why a Pharasmin can summon two daemonic gorilla-men who breathe electricity. Ceustodaemons are bred to be the dumb muscle of Abaddon, but they’re still capable warriors in their own right with decently damaging claws (2d6+6) and a bite (1d6+6) and the ability to exhale 6d6 points worth of Electricity damage in a 30ft cone. There’s also their spell-likes, an at-will Dimension Door letting them infiltrate and scout for you, a 3/day Fly to make your party a nightmare to fight, and a 3/day Dispel Magic to crack enemy magic open.

However, they’re only CR 7, unlikely to stand up on their own against level-appropriate threats. So, the key here? Don’t use them against level-appropriate threats, as is normal with summons dramatically weaker than you are. They’re terrors that shine brightest against enemies hovering around the CR 10 or so range, their resilience and immunity against--and I’m not exaggerating--nearly every status effect in the game except petrification and their DR 10/Good or Silver letting them slug it out with mid-level foes and rip apart nearly anything else lower than that.

There’s also the fact that they can be summoned as a standard action with a range of Close, letting you teleport your gorilla fiends right at the enemy’s vulnerable backline or in front of their melee bruisers to tie them up while the rest of your team flanks. The standard action summoning is the biggest treat here, because being able to have two more beefy bodies available immediately shifts any battle in your favor... But know that if your campaign keeps going past level 14, your gorilla men are going to have a harder and harder time standing up to level-appropriate enemies, and it’ll eventually cause them to be summoned to fight against minibosses only or--eugh--being sent on scouting missions. They’re good at them, mind, but you know how it is.

At their absolute worst, though, they’re still six castings of both Fly and Dispel Magic. There’s worse things out there.

-------- SENTINEL --------

Boon 1: Walking Disaster. Gain Bungle 3/day, Spontaneous Immolation2/day, or Deadly Juggernaut 1/day.

Bungle is a fun spell, slapping a target with an insurmountable -20 penalty to their next attack roll or check requiring a d20 roll, but since the spell is only level 1 and takes your concentration to maintain, it’s not likely going to stick. Granted, it lingers for 2 rounds after you stop concentrating so you can focus elsewhere, so there’s certainly worse spells to use... but it only affects one attack roll or check at a level where most enemies have two or even three attacks, making it significantly less useful than it looks. It’s best if you use it out of combat to scramble a skill check a foe is trying to use, but it’s negated by a Will save entirely so it loses a lot of potential oomph. And I just read the spell even closer and it says it only works on Humanoid targets, so it’s even worse than I previously thought!

Spontaneous Immolation is infinitely funnier to use, anyway. Why make someone flub a speech or fail an Escape Artist check when you could have them suddenly burst into flames from within? With no component requirements, Spontaneous Immolation is TRULY spontaneous, the victim exploding into fire without having an idea of the source. You could potentially make people believe it’s the wrath of your god, the power of some curse you possess, or even the wrath of their god if you can spin it well enough. The damage is middling--3d6--and is halved on a successful save, but it’s got a range of Medium and sets its victim alight if they fail their save so you can create a single spark in a crowd that becomes a roaring inferno as the panicking victim grabs onto whatever they can to try and put themselves out.

As God of Sudden Death, it’s a perfect spell for both in and out of combat, slaying random citizens in bursts of horror and pain they’d have no chance to realize is coming, I’m sure Zyphus approves of using it to malice citizens just as much as he enjoys watching his faith’s foes burst into flames. This leaves Deadly Juggernaut, a spell that a martial character such as yourself would normally LOVE getting... if it weren’t for the final clause stating that the effect doesn’t trigger unless you slay a foe within 4 HD of yourself. While that prevents the effect from being exploited with a Sack Of Rats, it also makes it far less likely to activate if you’re fighting swarms of lower-level enemies. It DOES mean that battling creatures of roughly equal strength to your party has some pretty high snowball potential, but since you, personally, have to reduce the target to 0 HP, unless you’re the party’s DPS you may just end up missing out on most of the spell.

I’d personally just tuck Makes You Explode under your belt each day. If nothing else, it’s a funny prank to pull on the locals.

Boon 2: Tragic Accident. 1/day as part of a successful attack, you can target your opponent with either Inflict Critical Wounds or Poison as a free action. The DC for this ability is (10 + 1/2 your Hit Dice + your Cha mod). You don’t have to declare the use of this ability until you know the attack is successful.

More than almost any other god I think I’ve encountered, Zyphus encourages lying, subterfuge, and you looking as harmless as possible. Even the ostensible God of Secrets and Murder, Norbergorberburgerhurger, inspires less subtlety in me than Zyphus, because his domain is specifically accidental deaths. You gotta make your kills look like mistakes no one could have seen coming, which makes Tragic Accident yet another tool in inspiring fear and terror than actually being useful in a fight.

Give someone a playful slug on the shoulder and scream as they fall over, dead. Deck some guy who’s hitting on you in a bar in the chest and feign horror as he suffers an apparently fatal heart attack as Poison rips through his body. Hit someone with a blowdart or even just hurl a pebble at someone and strike them down with nearly no trace, since this ability can work with ranged attacks as well. Coming up with subtle ways to use this power out of combat is significantly more fun than thinking of ways to use it in battle, because as a 1/day negated (or halved, in Critical Wounds’ case) by a save is just asking to be disappointed.

Especially in the case of Poison, because if you want someone dead in combat, hitting them usually works better than slowly, slowly, slowly hoping and praying that their Con hits 0. Inflict Critical Wounds is a little more useful if you’re using it to speed up an opponent’s death in combat, dealing 4d8+11 (+1 per level) damage... or healing an Undead ally. Yes, you have to hit with an attack, but as I’ve already stated above, the attack doesn’t have to deal much--or ANY--real damage to trigger a Tragic Accident. I do appreciate that Zyphus assures your attack connects before you trigger this ability, a lot of other Boons are not so gracious. Like...

Boon 3: Unfairness of the World. 1/day, you may fill an attack with negative energy. You must declare your use of this ability before you roll the attack roll; on a hit, the target gains a number of negative levels equal to 3 + 1/2 your Hit Dice unless it succeeds at a Fortitude saving throw (the DC for this ability is the same as Tragic Accident’s DC). If you openly wear an unholy symbol of Zyphus, the saving throw DC to resist this effect increases by 2.

... This one!

Hah. Well. Whatever you hit with this is dead. Like, straight up dead. The name of this Boon is as accurate as can be. There is NO recovering from being slapped with ten negative levels (+1 for every 2 levels you have!), because even if your victim survives the initial onslaught of energy, that’s a -10 to every single roll they make and the loss of some or even all of their high-level spells and most potent abilities. This isn’t so much a Save-or-Suck as it is the mother of all signals for your entire party to unload every SoS they have on their person upon your victim.

IF it lands.

Because not only do you have to succeed an attack roll to use this ability or have it dissolve into the aether, but they also have to fail a Fortitude save. That’s two possible points of failure for this ability which seriously reins in its potential, but with just a LITTLE bit of setup you can cut your unfortunate victim in half. It’s definitely both a possible end to a fight AND something you can smite a random citizen with by using the same “things that count as an attack roll” exploits I listed Tragic Accident. By the time you get this power, you can also shamelessly reveal your faith in the Harvestman to make the DC 2 higher, but you may want to keep that to yourself if you’re still masquerading as something else, breaking it out only for boss fights.

Most gods in Inner Sea Faiths leave a lot to be desired, so it’s nice to see a god give so generously! It’s just too bad it has to be the God of Pettiness and Inconvenience.

You can read more about him here.

[kleines1904]

Imagine – Alex Morgan - Part red

My heart nearly broke all the bones to find its way out of my chest the first time I played for Portland. The Thorns were such a good and respected team in the US, it was always my dream to play in the NWSL, to play for them. Never would I’ve imagined that these years would be the best time of my life, especially the six months after my first season. Being the top scorer in the league opened a few opportunities, like playing in some European countries, but I decided against all of them.

 The reason for that?

 Pretty easy.

 Alex Morgan.

 I always believed that I wouldn’t fall in love with someone head over heels, that I’m independent, that I don’t need another person to be happy. Everything I needed was a ball, the cheering of the crowd in the background the second I stepped on the field, and my friends.

 I was so wrong.

 From the moment I met her I knew Alex would play an important role in my life. Being openly gay and supporting many foundations for LGBTQ+ soccer players made me one of the most popular players in the league. But the most important advantage: I didn’t need to hide who I was. Everybody in the team knew, it wasn’t weird at all (read: ‘Lesbians in the locker room? No problem’). When I got kicked out of my apartment, I had a few options, but Alex telling me she would love to have a roommate again shut out everything else. I can still remember the moment I told my friends back in Germany, everyone laughed at me for a whole minute before they realized I was serious about it.

 Alex being openly bisexual and single for a long time never bothered with hiding her beautiful, naked body at home. Sure, we did shower together a lot, ‘cause we were both playing for the Thorns, but walking around the apartment in nothing but a towel or even less was something different. I needed Christen to talk me into talking to Alex, and Tobin telling me she would do it otherwise, to actually girl up and tell the forward about my feelings for her.

 It took us five minutes to lay down on the couch and make out, I was never happier in my life. I never thought life could be this wonderful, that one could be this happy.

 I closed my easy smiling at all the memories. Biting my lip to stop a big smile spreading across my face I started playing with the tape around my left ring finger, realizing I’m not wearing my favorite ring. It was different every time I had to take it off, especially when I was playing for the German national team and Alex wasn’t by my side. When we didn’t start a game together with the Thorns, we always support each other from the bench or the stands.

 Today was different.

 It was the first match of the Women’s World Cup in France and while we had to play Alex and the team were busy preparing for their first match miles away. It certainly felt different without her, that’s why I was often caught playing with the ring around my finger (‘a promise ring’ Alex told me when she gave it to me on my birthday, I cried a little), my teammates really thought it was a good idea to record it and show it to the whole world on twitter. I will never hear the end of it from Tobin, Kelley and Christen…

 I took another deep breath when we got out on the field, knowing my teammates and my whole country needed me to be at my best tonight. While the national anthem was playing, I looked around the stadium. I didn’t sing, something I picked up from my good friend Megan Rapinoe, we both had our reasons for that. After the whistle blew to start the game I was in my zone. It wasn’t a surprise when I scored twice that game, always kissing my ring finger after a goal and thinking about the love of my life.

 /////

 “You did it! Semi-finales!” I laughed as I jumped in Alex’s arms.

 “You too,” Alex let me down slowly and kissed me on the lips before I could breathe in properly. Who needs to breathe when you can feel Alex Morgan’s lips on yours? “I’m so glad you’re here.”

 Behind her I saw Kelley shuffling around nervously, knowing she was anxious to finally walk over and get a hug too. Kelley, Christen and I knew each other from college, where we played together for years. Back then I was so inspired by the USWNT, if I had a say in it, I would play for them, unfortunately I’m not making the rules. Germany has a great team and I loved playing a big role within the team, but my heart always belonged to the NWSL and everything the USWNT stands for.

 “Come on in here.” I finally said when Kelley was about to bolt over and was only hold back by Allie who was shaking her head. Seconds later I was surrounded by my teammates and friends.

 “So, you have a few days off,” Alex began when everyone calmed down and Kelley was done teasing me about all the Instagram stories and twitter.

 “I do have a few days off, yeah.” I looked over at my girlfriend who wore the promise ring I gave to her, I smiled and tried not to blush when she gave me a kiss on check, despite us being in the hotel lobby where everyone could’ve seen it.

 “Okay so after we got some food, I need to show you something in my room.”

 “Is that so?” I stopped and whirled her around so I could look into her beautiful eyes, I saw her eyes shining with something and swallowed. “You have a room for yourself?”

 “Yeah.”

 “Oh.”

 Alex tugged at my hand, and a few seconds later I followed her out of the hotel. We dropped each other’s hands automatically and started walking to the vegan place Alex claimed being the best in Europe. My head was still clouded with her having a room for herself, which was rare. I felt a bit guilty when I only answered short, but Alex seemed to know what was going on, because she kept smiling and smirking at me teasingly.

 Playing a World Cup game is always exciting, but I can tell you, having a half-dressed Alex Morgan sitting on your lap is much more thrilling. My hands wandered to her sports bra while she was trying to get my pants off in a hurry, I had to laugh and break the kiss to help her because her fingers were shaking so much.

 Two days later I had to say goodbye, gaining a few hugs from the team again, but everyone knew we would see each other shortly after, because two days later it was the semi-finale: USA against Germany. I loved and hated everything about it.

 /////

 I ran out on the field with my teammates, enjoying the cheering of the crowd while we started our warm ups. A few minutes later I heard the crowd going wild again, I automatically looked up at the USWNT coming out on the field. Luckily, I was too focused to let a goofy grin take over my face when I saw Alex. She was also focused, as everyone else, this was a big game for our respective countries.

 When we walked to the locker room, I saw Pinoe running my way. With a big smile I hugged her and ignored the ‘I love you, but we’re gonna beat you’. Moments later I locked eyes with Alex, who smiled. My body moved on its own, while we hugged each other I heard the crowd around us going wild again. Being wrapped up in her scent made me take a deep breath, I never wanted this to end.

 “Good luck babe.” I said and smiled at her when we broke the hug. “Just stay healthy okay?”

 “Yeah, you too. See you after.” Alex replied and touched my shoulder again before she headed off to her teammates.

 /////

 It was the 30th minute when I saw one of my teammates break through on the wing, I instinctively stayed a few yards behind the defenders. Seconds later the ball came my way, I stopped it and dribbled around Julie, before I was in a good position and shot the ball right by Alyssa into the net. My heart skipped a few beats when I heard our fans cheering, but after a few seconds I held up my hands, signaling I won’t be celebrating much. My teammates jumped on my back yelling at me how amazing the goal was, and yes, I was proud, I was excited for us going to the finale, but we still had to beat the best team in the world.

 Only ten minutes later Christen scored a goal, I had to physically stop myself from walking over and congratulating her, and stopping the tears forming in my eyes. She has been through so much last year and now she scored such an amazing goal. Slowly I leaned down and took a deep breath, this was going to be the most difficult game in my life, and I would do everything for us to win.

 /////

 “Shit are you okay?”

 I wanted to scoff, but put my foot on the ground and hissed when I felt the pain. Becky looked at me apologetically, Kelley was also on her knees by my side, same as a few of my teammates. It was a mistake by Sam, who tried to play the ball right by me, but I was wide awake and stole the ball before it could get to Christen. Minutes before I did something similar and nutmegged Tobin, if it wasn’t for the whole world watching she would deny it till her death, but the counterattack ended with me only hitting the post.

 This time I waited for my teammates to get into the box and tried to dribble around Becky, who obviously wasn’t having my shit today. Just when I was looking up, I felt a sharp pain in my ankle and then my body fell on the hard ground. I knew immediately something was wrong.

 My breath caught in my throat when our medical signaled to the bench that I couldn’t play anymore. Becky walked away after I nodded at her, but everyone knew I wasn’t okay. I made eye contact with Alex, who was hovering close by. I could see how worried she was, I gave her a nod, even if the pain in my ankle didn’t stop for a second.

 Watching the following 20 minutes from the bench was hard. I know we had the potential to maybe get to overtime, but realistically I know they were too good. When I saw Lindsay kicking the ball inside and Alex being a bit faster than her opponent, I know she would score. My heart sank into my stomach, I knew this would most likely be our last game, they wouldn’t give away a 2-1 lead.  

 “Wow, bold.” I heard someone mumbling beside me. When I looked at Alex, I saw her making the tea sipping celebration we talked so much about. I smiled, truly happy for her.

 When the final whistle blew, I slowly stood up and hobbled on the field. I had to comfort a few of my teammates, especially the ones who played their hearts out tonight for 90 minutes. After I limped to the circle in the middle of the field, I listened to our coach saying a few words. In this moment it all became real; we hadn’t made it to the finale. My whole body screamed at me, after the long tournament, the physically and emotionally exhausting game days, it seemed like it was all for nothing.

 The following minutes flew by, I could only breathe again when I saw Alex walking my way. She had that little smile on her face I loved so much. She was also still worried, because she looked at my ankle, which I still couldn’t put weight on, and up to my face again.

 “Congrats babe,” I mumbled when I put her into a long and emotional hug. We didn’t let go of each other for what seemed liked minutes. “I’m good, don’t worry. Your goal was so great.”

 “Thanks.” Alex buried her face into my neck, before she took a step back and looked down again. I rolled my eyes. “But, you can walk, right?”

 “I can.” A smile took over my face, her voice was rougher than usual, due to all the screaming on the field.

 “Thank god. Becky just tried-“

 “I know,” I interrupted. “don’t worry about it. You’re going to the final, and it’s your birthday- happy birthday by the way.”

 “This is the fifth time you’re congratulating me today.” Alex laughed a bit, she still had her arm around my waist while I was leaning on her, only partly because of my hurt ankle.

 “I don’t care.” Her eyes sparkled when I grinned at her. “And now go and celebrate with your team, prepare for the Netherlands.” I ignored Alex rolling her eyes about me being diplomatic again when she helped me stumble to the sideline. “You deserve it. I will call you tomorrow, okay?”

 “Okay babe.”

 Alex made sure that someone was near me to help me go to the locker room when Kelley and Tobin came over. We talked for a few minutes before we parted ways. I took one last look at the stadium and then at the team across from us.

 I knew they would make it.

 /////

 If someone would ask me what has been worse, my still injured ankle or sitting in the stands while your girlfriend and most of your best friends are playing a World Cup final, I wouldn’t know the answer. Every time the US was close to scoring a goal I stood up, at one point I couldn’t even feel the pain in my ankle anymore, I was too excited and too anxious.

 Alex had a few chances to score, but it took a defender trying to kick the ball away from her high in the air to start the game entirely. I worriedly watched as Alex still laid on the ground, even from this distance I knew she was hit. I could breathe again when Alex stood up and Pinoe scored, we were on our way.

 A few minutes later I frowned when the Netherlands had a few breakthroughs, luckily without scoring, Alyssa made sure of that. A counterattack lead by Rose brought Alex into a good position, she stopped and dribbled by the defender, before she took a shot. I jumped out of my seat when she scores, my hands held high, before I gave my ring a kiss. When I looked back down Alex formed a heart with her fingers and hold it my way, it was the first time a tear escaped my eyes since we lost in the semi-final.

 /////

 Everyone around me was smiling, laughing, having the time of their lives. Pam, Alex’s mum had her arm around me while we watched the players on the field getting their gold medals. I’m sure at least five different cameras caught the moment, but I didn’t care. Alex and I loved our privacy, we tried not to kiss and being overly romantic in public, just because we thought it was something between and for the both of us. It was even more surprising when she came running to the stands after the game and immediately pulled me in for a long and passionate kiss. At that moment I didn’t even care about the headlines in the morning, or the possible hateful comments, I was so proud of my girl that I could only grin, she deserved it. They deserved it.

 That smile dropped from my face when I stood in front of Pam’s car minutes later. I had to blink a few times and look at my phone again, but Alex really did just do that.

 “What are you looking at sweetie?” Pam asked, I jumped and locked my phone before she saw what her daughter just did in front of the whole world. The dancing, the champagne, Jesus Alex.

 “Nothing, just- they are celebrating.”

 “Sure they are.” Pam eyed me, before she helped me into the car. It was definitely inappropriate to have these kinds of thoughts while sitting in your girlfriends’ parent’s car, but, damn it Alex.

 /////

 During the drive to the party location I had to laugh too hard and too often at the different Instagram stories the USWNT posted, Pam literally took my phone away because she nearly drove us off the street due to my emotional outbursts. She ignored me pouting like a pro.

 The second the door busted open I knew we were in for a long night. I got a lot of videos and pictures from the girls celebrating, hence the motherly act from Pam to separate me and my phone, but it was so much better live. Kelley screamed into my ear when she hugged me, already wasted but still thoughtful to not step on my injured ankle. After she ran off to her girlfriend, I was pulled into a hug by Christen who gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.

 “I’m so proud of you.”

 “And I’m proud of you.” She leaned into me while we watched Tobin who talked to her family. I literally couldn’t put into words how proud I was of my friends. Then I caught a glimpse of Alex who already had two wine glasses in her hands and bit my lip.

 “Is everyone really that wasted?”

 “Because of the nonstop drinking for two hours and the ignoring-concussions-thing going on?” Christen and I looked into Kelley’s direction, who was oblivious while she chugged down a beer. “Yeah.” She laughed while I pushed her softly in the direction of Tobin, who couldn’t stop glancing over at us. I could see how happy she was to have Christen by her side again.

 “Hey babe.” I whipped around to look at Alex, still with two glasses in der hands while I had hardly touched the beer her father gave me minutes ago.

 “Hey Champ.” I laid my arm around her and gave her a soft kiss, but this obviously wasn’t enough for both of us. Alex circled her arms around my waist and opened her mouth while we kissed, I couldn’t breathe for a moment. After a full minute of kissing her passionately I felt a tap against my shoulder and smiled while I took a step back. Alex pouted, but Tobin didn’t look that impressed while she pointed at all the cell phones around us.

 After I congratulated everyone on the team and staff, I sent Alex off to keep partying. She didn’t really want to leave my side; I couldn’t decide if it was for her being protective of me or her not being able to walk straight anymore (as if ever). She was seriously drunk.

 While everyone took pictures of the team dancing on the counter, I only had eyes for her. I felt a bit embarrassed when I caught myself being grateful for the USWNT winning the World Cup. I would’ve given everything for us to win, but I’m also glad that my best friends get to have these moments together. By the looks of a few of them, especially Alex, Julie, Kelley and Rose I knew they would be hangover tomorrow and the days after (read: please, drink water).

 I knew that a week, months or even years later we would look back at this tournament knowing it was one important milestone for so many things. But the most important one for me: My girl was world champion, again.

[jdashlamar]

New Years Protection - A How To Guide

Every year I protect myself from negative people, bad intentions, flaky energy and all manner of bad spirits and you should too.

What is New Years?

New Year is the time or day at which a new calendar year begins. Many cultures celebrate the event in some manner, and the 1st day of January is often marked as a national holiday holy day. 

New Years is holy because it’s number is 1. The numerology number 1 is self-determined and self-sufficient. It goes about its own business, pursues its own goals, and has no need for companionship.

Often, we create New Years resolutions and goals that reflect the energy of the number 1. However, near March of that same year, we have likely quit or goals or had something happen to throw us back into old behavior, circles, thoughts and energies. What happened to our vigor and will power?

Many of us have bad luck, bad juju, roots and other negative things on us that keep us from our goals in life. We often have terrible relationships, situationships and sinking ships that we choose to stay in for far too long. Each year, I do spells to keep haters, spells, hexes and much more away and now I wil share a few “secrets” with you.

Spiritual Baths

Cleanliness is next to Godliness. 

Most empaths come home with residual feelings and energy each day. When they ask me for tips, I always suggest a spiritual bath. I use Bobby Hemmitt’s bath and it’s my go-to method but it’s not for every one. 

What you’ll need

Huge tub of water, 3 caps ammonia, 3 caps of bleach, 3 caps of apple cider vinegar, 3 caps of lemon juice and half a cup of sea salt, 1 white candle.

What you’ll do

Light the white chime candle. Get in that tub and imagine your aura extending out into a white light all around you. Stay in for a minimum of 15mins and then before you leave the tub, dunk your head below the water. After that, shower off and take some of the left over wax and ball it up in some cloth and wear it on your body. 

This bath helps with prosperity, protection, and removal of anything negative. 

Great video on it below:

Baths have always been sacred. In hoodoo and may other spiritual systems, baths can be used as a very extremely powerful tool to help you manifest on your journey in the New Year.

The Witches Bottle

If you ain’t got haters, you ain’t poppin’! Every time you get somewhere in life, BOOM, a hater. Some of those haters are witches and they don’t mind playing target practice with your life. Personally, I lay a few tricks of my own when I create a witches bottle each New Year.

What is a Witches Bottle?

Witch bottles began as countermagical devices used as protection against other witchcraft and evocation. They are described in historical sources in England and the United States. The first mention of a witch bottle appears in the 17th century England.

This is old-school magic that works! You make a bottle for you, your spouse or kids to keep them safe from magical harm. The idea is that a evil spirit or energy will seek you out but mistake the witches bottle for you becoming trapped or destroyed in the process.

What you’ll need

A glass bottle and closure, toe/fingernail clippings, hair, urine, seamen/menstrul fluid for extra points, a black candle, red twine (optional), nails, rose thorns, any protective herbs or salts.

What you’ll do

You’ll fill the witches bottle with bodily fluids, salts, hair, bones and then seal it closed. On top of the bottle, you’ll burn a black candle. Let the candle wax drip down the sides. As the candle burns, imagine all evil being trapped into what looks like a projection of you but it’s really the bottle. When the candle is done, take the bottle and place it in a quiet place or bury it in your front yard. If you stay in an apartment, bury it at your mother’s house or a place you frequent.

Witches bottles are a huge deal and they even get major press when people find them: https://www.washingtonpost.com/history/2020/01/24/witch-bottle-discovered-virginia/

A New Years Reading with Tarot

The last thing I do for the New Year is read my energy with the Tarot cards. Tarot allows us to see current energy and make choices that can influence future events. 

What you’ll need

A decent tarot deck, my suggestion would be https://amzn.to/2KMGDMc for a solid deck that shows Black ppl instead of the traditional tarot characters.

Purchase yours at https://amzn.to/2KMGDMc

What you’ll do

A simple 4 card spread. Shuffle the cards and think about the next year. Think of all you want to do and achieve while letting your mind wander away from the thoughts of the cards. As you shuffle, ask your ancestors that work for your success to help you “know, what is unknown”. You should get the word “STOP” in your head or cards will leap out of the shuffle when it is time to draw your cards. 

Using the spread layout, pull the first card (your past), then the second card (your future), next the third card (your now) and the last card (your outcome). Use google to find out the meanings or the accompanying book that comes with your tarot card deck.

I hope you take the time to make this a very good year for you and your loved ones and book a session with me if you’d like to have a Root Doctor pull your cards.

J-Lamar

[i-just-love-spop]

8, 40, 48 and 78 for Scorfuma kids, please? :D sorry if it's too much tho :( (I love your oc's they're so cute 😔💖)

@leiazh Awww, thank you for loving my characters so much, that you do makes me so happy 😢💖

And it’s fine, always feel free to ask as many questions about them as you want, I had a lot of fun answering this one, so thank you! Just... be warned that the answer might take a while and also possibly be... really long 😅🤣

This whole thing is about 4.2k words long... whoops.

I answered the questions in order, the kids are sorted from oldest to youngest for each question (except for the twins who are the same age, nobody really knows who‘s older since they were born via c-section and their parents either didn’t ask or at least didn’t tell them [the kids don’t know which one of these is true], although Kohana does insist she’s the older twin).

I also didn’t include Frosta as a character in the ask for this one despite her being the oldest Scorfuma-kid, since she’s not my character and most of these questions wouldn’t have made much sense to answer for her anyway, since they get answered in the show, so it’s just the five kids that are actually my own characters.

Frosta does show up in some of the answers, though, obviously, along with Scorpia and Perfuma.

Also, please don’t take the way I sorted the “good” and “bad” traits too seriously – some of these would definitely be considered good or bad by most people, but other things like shyness aren’t really good or bad, they just can make your life more difficult in certain situations (which I say as a shy person) and I had to sort them into one of the categories somehow so I could include them at all.

I hope you have fun reading!

8. What are their good and bad traits?

Clover

Good traits

He tries to help his moms any way he can, both around the house and in the garden, and will do so without being asked to do it. He’s a very caring older brother that will gladly get up in the middle of the night if one of his younger siblings is upset and needs him, and he’ll also stay up late and read them to sleep when their moms are preoccupied. He’s really good at cooking and often does it for the whole family, and he’s also very creative and makes really beautiful flower arrangements. He rarely has any trouble focusing on what’s important, and he’s very enthusiastic about the things he loves, so much that it’s infectious.

Bad traits

He has trouble dealing with some of his insecurities and will lash out at others when he doesn’t know how else to handle them. He also worried about being a bother to other people when he’s upset and will often keep quiet about what’s making him sad or angry or scared rather than opening up about his emotions. He often comes off as cold to people that don’t know him very well because of this.

He also has a bit of an attitude around people he doesn’t like.

Thorn

Good traits

She always tries to take care of her friends and family and, if possible, keep them out of trouble, and she’d never say no if someone needs her help. For most people, it’s really hard to dislike her because she’s always friendly and polite and cares a lot about others, always tries to give the best advice she can and brings fresh food from the family garden everywhere. She’s really outgoing and has a relatively large friend group because of that.

Bad traits

She’s kind of naive, to a point where her desire to help others lands her in trouble every now and again because she ends up being exploited in one way or another – she doesn’t have a very good judge of character, and because of this, she has “friends” that just befriend her because she’s the crown princess, and she’s so excited to be making new friends that she doesn’t question their intentions very often, especially when she’s still a child.

It’s especially bad with a person she meets when she’s about ten, who she likes a lot, but who her parents are always kind of wary around – whenever that particular kid shows up around their house, things start disappearing, especially Thorn’s favorite toys.They eventually ask her about it, and she just says that her friend liked them so much that she gave them to the other kid, but the way she says it makes it pretty clear that she’s actually really unhappy about it and really misses her toys.

She’s actually kind of like Adora to a certain degree – she doesn’t take her own happiness into account that much and rather makes sure everyone else is happy first... but her family and her real friends always have her back and make sure she’s also having fun and feeling happy. Messing with her is not a very good idea, and if only for the relatively large Thorn-protect-squad.

Willow

Good traits

They’re really smart and pretty patient when it comes to learning new things, and they like trying out stuff they’ve never done before.

When it comes to their friends and loved ones, they show affection openly and often and even get pretty bubbly despite usually being so shy.

They’re also a really good listener and don’t back down when it comes to speaking up against someone who’s being mean to other people – they’re also extremely loyal. Their friend group isn’t huge, but if they befriend someone and that person makes them happy, they’ll go to the ends of the world for them, are extremely supportive of their goals and help them achieve them if they can.

Bad traits

They’re a... bit forgetful when it comes to certain stuff – especially things like watering plants, but also where they last put their things – including the tracker pad that’s literally in their hands when they start looking for it. They probably have the tidiest room in the entire house, and they still never freaking find anything.

They’re also really shy, so they don’t make friends very easily, and they also take criticism very personal despite not openly showing it a lot of times because they’re too embarrassed to – when someone tells them they think Willow is annoying or weird, they’re just going to keep quiet about it and then crawl into bed to cry when they get back home. They’re confident when it comes to protecting others, but they’re also really insecure when it comes to being criticized themselves.

If they’re genuinely hurt by someone, they can’t just laugh it off two days later... they take a long time to forgive others, especially if it’s people that know what they’re insecure about and still push their buttons anyway.

Aster

Good traits

He cares a lot about his family, and always knows how to cheer his siblings and especially his twin up when they’re upset. He’s also not afraid to make mistakes and doesn’t get very nervous about giving a wrong answer when he’s asked things because for him, wrong answers only mean that you learn new things you didn’t know before. If he’s good at something that his friends can’t do, he often offers to teach them and would never brag about it. He’s also really good at playing the drums.

Bad traits

He’s extremely chaotic and can also get pretty loud. He also likes fighting – sometimes it’s just friendly wrestling with his sister, and that’s fine, but they might end up breaking some stuff when they wrestle, and after he connects to the Heart Blossom, he often underestimates his powers or uses them accidentally, which results in both huge chaos and often at least smaller injuries. After he learns to control his powers better, the number of injuries decreases, but the chaos remains, especially when he and Kohana start deliberate making their powers a part of their friendly but heated competitions. They once tore half of Catradora’s living room apart on semi-accident – Finn was very excited. He’s also not good at listening when people tell him what to do – his parents sometimes get through to him, and Frosta often does, but most people out of his family don’t.

Kohana

Good traits

She’s open-minded, more likely to listen to others than her brother is, and she has a pretty healthy sense of humor. She’s also the best fighter out of all the kids – she’s been taking lessons from Frosta, Lonnie and Catra respectively since she was about ten. She’s courageous and creative and if she’s certain someone’s apology is sincere, she’s pretty forgiving, even to people who have hurt her in the past and maybe don’t deserve it. She’s also trustworthy – if you tell her a secret, she’s going to take it to her grave. She also always takes her time to pick out heartfelt birthday gifts for the people she loves because while she’s not that good with words, she still likes finding ways to make their day.

Bad traits

She’s really, really impatient and gets bored and frustrated easily – if she doesn’t manage to succeed at something during the first or at least second attempt, she just gives up frustratedly and goes on to punch something to let out her frustration. She also gets jealous really easily, especially if people learn the things she can’t do really quickly.

Like her twin brother, she’s really into fighting for fun, and she also doesn’t really learn how to pick her fights for a while. Since she’s connected to the Black Garnet rather than the Heart Blossom, she also causes destruction way more easily than Aster does. She’s also more scary than her brother if she wants to be – think chipped-Scorpia level scary.

40. If I wanted to draw them, what would be distinct physical features that I would have to know to draw them correctly?

Clover

He has yellow skin, short teal hair that’s a bit curly, pink eyes, cyan wings – the left one is torn slightly at about 3/4 of the wing which is why that one is harder to move for him – and regular elven ears that are his skin color yellow outside and a darker yellow inside.

He’s the shortest Scorfuma-child except for Frosta, about one head shorter than Willow.

Also technically not a physical feature, but he rarely ever wears formfitting clothes.

Thorn

I posted a princess maker pic of her a while back (along with pics of some of my other next gen kids), but most distinctive physical features would be: Short curly white hair (about chin-length) with flowers in it, a red scorpion tail – which is actually her only Scorpioni-trait –, dark brown eyes and Perfuma’s skin-tone.

As an adult, she’s actually the second tallest of the kids, about as tall as Scorpia.

She’s the one that’s based off of Rae’s Scorfuma-child.

Willow

I also posted a princess maker pic of them when I made their bullet point list, but most distinctive physical features would be:

They have dark skin and dark brown eyes, freckles, curly black hair that almost reaches their shoulders, and their Scorpioni parts are black rather than red like Scorpia’s. They’re kind of short as a kid, but pretty tall as an adult – not quite as tall as Scorpia, but almost that tall, and also at least somewhat buff.

Also, I know this isn’t a physical feature, but they always walk around with that little flower trinket in their chest – Sagi has a similar one. He found it in a box when he was little and when Willow saw him with it, they promptly decided they wanted the same one, so their parents got them the same one. Neither Willow nor Sagi take them off very often, they actually still wear them well into adulthood.

Aster

He has freckles, dark brown eyes and extremely short white hair which you can see would probably be a lot more curly should he choose to grow it out. His skin-tone is somewhere in between Scorpia’s and Perfuma’s. He also has some red Scorpioni-features – the shoulders, the tail and the waist-parts.

He’s shorter than his twin sister Kohana for most of their childhood, but eventually outgrows her by about five inches when they‘re in their teens.

He’s also the only one of the kids that actually ends up being taller than Scorpia when he’s fully grown.

Kohana

She has dark brown eyes, Scorpia’s skin-tone and freckles, also long straight blond hair that she usually grows out to about waist-length and then wears in really any kind of plait, but most often a ponytail, but she cuts it off almost completely on a couple of different occasions throughout her life, mostly because it sometimes if it gets in her way or on her nerves all of a sudden.

She has pincers, as well as the knee and waist-Scorpioni-features.

She also has her ears pierced and likes wearing different kinds of colorful earrings from a pretty early age on, often even mismatching ones.

She’s relatively tall, give or take about as tall as Willow, maybe slightly taller, which makes her almost as tall as Scorpia.

And, again not a physical feature, but she also has either flowers or grass or both either on her clothes or in her hair at all possible times, varying from stuff like flower crowns and actual jewelry to just a grassy reminder on her shirt that she had another wrestling match with Aster in the garden.

48. What does their room look like?

Clover

His room is pretty tidy for the most part.

He has shelves filled with astronomy, gardening and cooking books that his siblings often lend and that are then never returned to him again – except for the cooking books because he’s made it very clear that he can’t cook as well as he usually does without them when too many of them disappeared that one time.

He also has a bunch of different CDs because he’s really into music – he can’t play any, but he really likes listening to it –, and he also has a couple really terrible old movies that he likes to make fun of with his parents and siblings, especially if one of them is having a bad day, as well as some children’s books that he often read to Willow and the twins when they were little and then kept because of the good memories.

He has a photo album where he keeps pictures of all his loved ones that he always keeps somewhere close to his bed, and an old baby blanket that he brought from the orphanage, which was the only memento he actually wanted to keep when it became clear that Scorpia and Perfuma would stay his moms for the rest of his life.

Thorn

Her room is very flowery, different potted plants standing on most of her wooden furniture as well as embroidered flowers on her white curtains.

The room is kind of tidy, but there’s a lot of notebooks and pens scattered all over it – she started keeping a diary pretty much since she first learned how to write, and she keeps all of them so she can look at her memories whenever she wants. When she’s a teen, she also picks up a habit of writing – sometimes stories, but more often, poems, which she keeps locked up in a treasure chest because she’s too shy to show them to anyone.

There’s a bunch of different genre novels on her shelf – she’s mostly into RomComs, stories about friendship and horror –, she also has a bright pink meditation mat that’s always lying on the floor in front of her bed for when she needs to relax, along with a tea set that her parents gifted her.

She also has a secret stash of sweets to make herself feel better whenever she’s upset that she keeps in a jewelry case with a false bottom in a drawer in her bedside table.

Willow

They have a bunch of cacti in their room, because they’re the only plant that Willow can actually have that they don’t accidentally end up killing after, like, a week of constantly forgetting to water them. Most of them are on their window sill. Their room is probably the tidiest in the entire house, including their parents’ bedroom. They have a calendar over their bed, a bunch of fluffy pillows and a mint-green blanket on their relatively large bed. They’re also the one that got to keep Scorpia’s little scorpion plushie – Frosta had it for a while after she was adopted, then Thorn until Scorpia and Perfuma adopted Clover, and then Willow got it. The twins each got their own separate plushie, so Willow ended up keeping this one, and it’s been sitting on top of their science book shelf since they turned twelve.

There’s a fluffy colorful carpet on the floor, and some equally colorful curtains to fit the picture, and a really bright nightlight on their bedside table that they‘re allowed to leave on day an night if they want to.

Willow also always has their swim gear somewhere in reach, which is probably the only thing in the room that they never end up searching for.

There’s also a bunch of different photos all around their room – family photos, and of their friends, mostly photos of Willow and Sagi and also some of them with Angie.

Aster and Kohana

They share a room for most of their childhood, so I’m going to do them together.

The fact that they share a room is mostly because it was just easier that way when they were little – they were offered to get separate rooms when they grew older, but they didn’t want to, and only actually end up getting separate rooms when they’re around fifteen years old.

These two are chaos incarnate, and so is their room. There’s books and toys all over the place, but despite that, both of them always know where everything is, surprisingly – and if one of them asks the other to hand them something, the other does it immediately without ever searching before. Their parents sometimes joke about how that’s their real magic skill rather than their connection to the Runestones.

There’s also a sword somewhere amidst the chaos that’s hopefully but probably not a toy that Frosta got them for one of their birthdays, as well as Aster’s ice skates and aways at least one canvas that Kohana starts painting on and then gives up on at least three times a week until she’s eventually satisfied and it gets hung up on the wall in the hallway or the dining room. Because of this, there’s also tons of art supplies scattered everywhere, and a huge red stain on the otherwise light brown carpet where she accidentally knocked over a cup of paint, tried to clean it up and just made everything worse. They sometimes joke about how someone that got on their nerves was murdered there.

There’s also a bunch of pictures on their wall.

They’re often just standing in the middle of their mess, painting and drumming, respectively.

78. If they had a nightmare, who would they run to?

Honestly, that really depends on who’s around in the scenario with most of them, but I’m just going to go with “if they could pick literally anyone”.

Clover

Perfuma, that’s not even a question. He’s thirteen when he’s adopted, so it’s not the kind of “mommy there’s a monster under my bed”-nightmares, but he does have some bad dreams about more serious topics – he doesn’t remember much about his biological parents, but sometimes he hears shouting at the back of his mind when he closes his eyes and wonders if it’s them, and sometimes he has dreams about being back at the orphanage with that one kid that bullied him.

He then knocks at his mothers’ bedroom door softly, enters and wakes Perfuma – she told him very early on that she doesn’t care how late it is, he’s always allowed to wake her or Scorpia if he needs them –, and when he wakes her up, the first time she does is leave the room with him to talk to him alone for a moment. She always asks if he wants her to wake up her other mom as well, and sometimes he does because sometimes the only thing he needs is to cuddle with his moms on the couch in peace until he calms down...

But especially shortly after the adoption, he don’t want to feel like a burden to his new adoptive parents, and it’s worse enough that he’s annoying one of them – he’s pretty afraid they’re just going to decide they don’t want him after all if he turns out to be too difficult of a child, because he has friends and acquaintances that were adopted and eventually cane back to the orphanage because the adoption didn’t work out –, and despite Scorpia being the softest, friendliest person he has ever met, he’s also kind of intimidated by her at first because she’s so tall and buff and he is a really short forest elf, which is why it’s a little easier for him to talk to just Perfuma about his nightmares at first. ...and he also gets a little overwhelmed with multiple people questioning why he’s feeling bad sometimes, even if they mean well, so sometimes one person works better for him.

Scorpia sometimes feels insecure about this, but really, she just wants her kid to be happy, and if her wife can help him more than she can, that’s fine, and she’s obviously not going to blame him for it or make him feel bad about it.

Perfuma always makes him tea if he wants one, and then they’ll just cuddle under a blanket on the couch, and if he wants to talk, she’s going to let him talk, but she’s also not going to force him to speak to her about things he’s not ready to talk about. Sometimes, she tells him stories from her childhood to show him he isn’t alone with at least some of his fears, but of course only if he wants her to. Sometimes she’ll just take him outside into the garden so he can get some fresh air and lay down in the grass to look up into the sky and at the stars – he’s really into astronomy, and if he can’t talk about what’s bothering him, telling her stories about different constellations always calms him down and makes him feel better, so she will gladly listen to that for several hours if that’s what he needs.

...that, and also sometimes he just needs to hear that mom will kick someone’s ass with flowers if they bother him again.

Clover and Perfuma grow really close pretty quickly if you couldn’t tell.

Thorn

When Thorn has a nightmares, she usually just wakes both of her moms when she’s little – this changes a bit as she grows older and realizes there’s different kinds of help she needs depending on how upset she is and what kind of nightmare she had. Sometimes meditating with Perfuma helps her calm down and feel better, sometimes she just need Scorpia’s hugs and some hot cocoa – but honestly, this can be applied to most situations when she’s upset, not necessarily just nightmares.

Sometimes, also just she really needs someone to talk to, and, depending on the topic, it’s easier to just talk to one of them instead of both because she knows which one of her moms will understand her fears better, but sometimes she also just needs both of them.

She rarely ever goes back to her own bed after a nightmare and instead just climbs into bed with her parents.

Sometimes, when they stay over at Bright Moon, she also goes to cuddle with Arrow when she’s scared because Arrow glows and that calms her down – and also, Arrow will absolutely stage a kitchen robbery for some sweets in the middle of the night just to cheer her up.

Willow

They connect with Scorpia very well very quickly, so usually it’s Scorpia that they run to after a nightmare for some late-night cuddling and the best, most beautiful singing in the world to put them back to sleep.

Willow rarely ever has any nightmares that they can put into words – they wake up terrified and shaking, but without an actual memory of what they’re so afraid of, so there’s usually not a lot of talking involved. Scorpia usually makes them some tea, then sings to them and leaves the lights on when her child falls back asleep so that they’re not as scared anymore when they wake up again. After particularly bad nightmares when Willow doesn’t want to sleep again at all, Scorpia usually just puts on a movie or two until eventually, their tiredness catches up to them and then Scorpia sleeps on the couch with her kid sleeping on her chest.

They also often wake up Thorn who allows them to sleep in her bed and then reads to Willow until they fall asleep. When it’s especially bad, she hands out some of her precious emergency candy to make them feel better.

Aster and Kohana

Since Aster and Kohana share a room, the first person they usually wake is each other – sometimes deliberately, and sometimes accidentally, either by waking up screaming or by turning on the light.

After that, who they run to depends which one of them had the nightmare – if possible, they both like to wake Frosta who will definitely beat up any possible monster under their beds.

Other than that, Aster usually wakes Clover who takes their minds off things by either going downstate with them for a midnight snack that they prepare together, or by reading funny stories to them where the hero always wins and defeats the bad guys – he then convinces them that the stories about the good guys winning are way too scary for any possible monsters in their room and that they’ve long fled by the time the story ends, but also offers to read another one, then another and another of they’re not completely convinced. This goes on until they fall asleep, and sometimes Clover doesn’t even make it back to bed and just falls asleep in a chair in between their beds while he’s reading.

Kohana on the other hand usually wakes Scorpia, especially after she’s learned to control her magic more, so her mom can help her practice her magic outside to take her mind off things and help her feel stronger. Aster often joins in on the training as well, and then they end up being so exhausted that not only do they fall back asleep when Scorpia puts them back to bed afterwards and sings them to sleep, but they also sleep in in the morning – which rarely ever happens to any of the kids, but especially not to those two with their seemingly endless amount of energy.

—

Here are the questions again if anyone wants to ask anything else.

[xacesxofxheartsx]

Wrapping Paper

Name: Wrapping Paper Fandom: Epic Seven Category: M/M Words: 3077 Pairing: Kayron/Vildred 

Kayron eyed the Yule tree, which was currently strapped down in the wagon, trying to process the sheer size of it. Would it even fit in Vildred’s home? He had thought the other man was a little more...moderate in his choice of trees, but apparently not. Then again it was the butler’s decision, which made Kayron wonder why Vildred would even let the aging man pick out the tree. Truth be told, as much as he may have wondered, he really did not care. Frankly, what they did was no concern of his. He was only there because well, Vildred was. He likes observing his enemy turned ally; it lets him learn more about him. See what he can use against him. (Plus he likes being able to enter the other’s home and a tree that size…well he held doubts they could fit it through the door).  

He’s learned that the man is steadfast, that he did what he thought was right and damn the consequences. That he was a talented swordsman, gaining the rank of general rather quickly and at young age too. That he had a teacher from the East, whom had gifted him the sword he wields. That even though he does not see him often, Vildred holds a soft spot for the tiny prince of Ezera. These things, and many more, Kayron’s learned through observation and through conversations. The acolyte was able to use the first two to his advantage in turning the man against the Heir of the Covenant through the truth Ras Elclare has concealed.  

He does not care for what reasons the stubborn thorn might have for doing so; only that he was able to use it to his advantage.  

“I do think this spruce will make for a lovely tree,” the Butler was saying, drawing the acolyte’s attention again. “Will you be using the heirloom ornaments or the ones gifted to you by Her Royal Majesty?”

“Hmm.” Vildred’s face took on a thoughtful expression. “Why not both this time?”

“Both?”

“Both. I think both will look good on the tree.”

“And does your friend think? He should have some input as well.” the Butler turned to Kayron, who was somewhat startled for a moment at being addressed, even indirectly, before remembering that he was there among the two, disguised, having shifted his form hours ago so as to not raise neither alarm nor suspicion. The Butler though he was a friend of his master’s from another country, visiting for the holidays. Only Vildred knew the truth and he’d like to keep it that way.

Otherwise blood might have to be spilled.

Pushing the sunglasses further upon his nose—an odd choice of wear considering that though it was midday, it wasn’t very sunny, but they were necessary to hide his eyes—Kayron said, “I think both would look gaudy. The simplistic design of the gifted ornaments would clash with the more…decorated heirloom ornaments.” By the Archdemon, he was going to be sick with this pretense, especially when referring to Diene with a respect she does not deserve, but he reminded himself that he had a role to play right now. The look Vildred gave him made it worth it.  

“I disagree,” the swordsman responded, turning towards him fully, hands on his hips. “The more complicated design would be balanced by the simplistic one.”

Kayron made a disagreeing noise and the Butler looked as though he regretted getting him involved. Good, the acolyte thought. Maybe next time he’ll think before asking for my opinion. He didn’t give a damn about the ornaments, knew nothing about design and balance himself, but oh was it great to have the general’s focus on him. It made him feel something like warmth in this body that felt very little. Plus, irritating the other man was fun. That and…other things. Finding which buttons to push to garner what reactions was something he found fascinating.

Now? The reaction was of narrowed eyes and lips pressed thin but before he could say anything the Butler interrupted with “Sirs, perhaps you can continue this back home? It is rather chilly and I’d like to get back before this afternoon’s tea.” Vildred snapped his head to look at his Butler and nodded. He turned on his heal and walked off, though he gave the acolyte one last look before he did so.

Covering his mouth with a gloved hand—unnecessary as acolytes do not get cold, but again he had a role to play—to cover a chuckle, Kayron followed after.

  It turns out that the tree was capable of fitting in Vildred’s home. It just took being further cut down to fit through the door, the one at the very back of the house leading to the parlor room, and all three of them pushing. Currently it laid in front of the fireplace, which was unlit. Kayron’s eyes drifted towards to ceiling. It honestly probably helped that the swordsman had a spacious home, complete with very high ceilings. Shrugging off his coat and other outerwear meant to protect from cold and snow, Vildred gestures towards the corner between the door and the fireplace, a good distance between both, muttering, “It’ll look nice here, on that white and red rug.”

It took a while, it wasn’t exactly light, but they managed to get it upright in the pot eventually. “Master Vildred,” the Butler inquired, leaning against the wall, wiping the sweat from his brow, “I love trips to town as much as you, but next year, perhaps, we get a smaller tree? I suggest small enough to place on a table.” The journey to and fro and setting up the tree has taken a lot out of him. The acolyte filed that information away. Perhaps it will be useful later.  

In Kayron’s honest opinion, they should really stop this tree tradition because, at the end of the day, he finds Yuletide is a pointless celebration. Hell, put an end to the entire holiday. He does not see the appeal; after all it means nothing when you die and what’s so great about a holiday that’s celebrated the end of the year? To remind themselves of what? Of surviving to see another year end? Of all the blessings received? What utter nonsense, he thought directing his gaze back towards the tree. Out loud he remarked, slipping back into his play-pretend, “I agree. A tree of this magnitude, it is back-breaking work and it is a surprise that we could even get it through the door. To get it to even stand up right.”

Vildred frowned. “That tree is only eight and a half feet tall. My ceilings are eleven feet in height. It’s not that surprising.”

Kayron shot a look at him, one that was equal parts mild disbelief and mild irritation. Only eight and a half feet? That came after they had cut it down again; if they hadn’t then, yes, it likely would not have been able to stand as it did now inside the house.  Lifting it hadn’t been entirely easy, since he had to watch his footing. Weight-wise, though, it posed no issue for him, but he had had to use a fraction of his actual strength so as to not rouse suspicion. Otherwise lifting that tree would have been effortless.  He was honestly looking forward to the end of this holiday so he can go back to being his self again. Pretending to be human made his skin crawl. It always has. How Tenebria could do it, changing her form to that of another’s, so freely, so casually, so willing was something he could never fathom. Maybe it related to her goal of ‘fun’.  

He is drawn from his thoughts by Vildred grabbing one of his arms. He raised an eyebrow. The swordsman didn’t even look his way as he said, “I know it’s early, but I’m going to show ___ where in my room I keep the presents. Then he’ll help me wrap them.”

The Butler looked up sharply, pausing in his fluffing of the branches. “I could—“

Vildred held up a hand to forestall him. “I know you could.” He smiled gently. “But if you did, then you’d know what your present was.”

The aging man looked away, embarrassment and fondness covering his features in equal measure. Evidently, this was another tradition in the general’s home. Where the man would offer to help his employer wrap the presents for Yuletide, but Vildred would always refuse, never wanting to ruin the surprise. It made Kayron want to roll his eyes witnessing it. It made him a little sick too, all this positivity. As an acolyte, a being born of negativity, one could sway that he was perhaps allergic to such things. Perhaps or perhaps his soul was just so dark that positive emotion naturally just repulsed him.  

“Come along.” Vildred turned and started shoving the shadow king in the direction of his bedroom. “The good news for you is that you don't have a gift because I forgot to buy you one. So look all you want.” That whole sentence was a gods-damn lie. Then again this whole situation was a lie. Kayron made no mention of it though; he did smirk a little, however.

Once he and Vildred were in the privacy of the latter’s bedroom, door shut and locked, he pulled off the sunglasses and gloves, tossing them, on the bed before dropping the disguise. “That was the worst spent two hours of my life,” he said after several minutes of silence passed. Vildred shrugged as though to say it wasn’t his issue and to be fair, it really wasn’t, but still the man felt a wave of irritation rush over him.  

“I don’t like,” he continued, slowly and enunciating each word clearly, “feeling as though I’ve wasted my time.”

Vildred tilted his head slightly, the corners of his mouth twitching upwards just a little bit. “Was it though? Was it really?” He folded his arms against his chest with an almost exaggerated movement. “The way I see it those two hours got you out of the house and to socialize with someone other than me.”

“Ah. Yes. Socialization,” drawled Kayron, rolling his eyes. Something he didn’t care for but only did when necessary. Only actually wanted to do when it was Vildred. He would have preferred to follow at a distance, engaging with the swordsman on an occasional basis when the aging butler was out of earshot. “I’m not really a—what do you humans call it?”

“A social butterfly,” replied Vildred, dryly, as he crossed his arms. “Do I really need to remind you that this was an idea of yours? I was content to leave you here.” Though that in itself was risky because the younger man literally admitted to him a few days ago that the thought of leaving him alone in his house as terrifying because the acolyte could, if he truly wanted to, destroy his home completely. Kayron wouldn’t do that, however, not unless he had what he felt was a valid reason to do so. He wasn’t Tenebria, destroying things and killing people out of boredom. He didn’t tell this to the younger man, though. Preferring to keep all his cards up his sleeve until it was time to show them. Also, he didn’t want Vildred getting too comfortable with having him as a housemate. Still though, between taking him along somewhere and leaving him here, he knows Vildred would sooner pick the latter.  

And that reminder had him scowling. “When I suggested it, I hadn’t meant pretending to be a human for two hours.” He really hadn’t, but it wasn’t as though he had protested against it. It had been more of a compromise, really. As mentioned previously, he would have personally preferred to follow at distance, hiding in the literal shadows most of the time, but Vildred hadn’t been comfortable with the thought; in his words it was rather “creepy” and that was fair. As much as he might not care, Vildred was still his partner, his tool, and so the man’s comfort had to be somewhat of a priority. So, they had come up with a compromise: Kayron would disguise himself for a short amount of time and help them with what they need.  

Ah. What he’s willing to do not to be bored.  

“Anyway,” he said, bringing his focus back to the other man and whatever the real reason it was that Vildred wanted him in here for because he was certain it wasn’t for gifts, "would you care to tell me why I’m here?” He blinked then, seeing Vildred dig around in his closet. It seems that while his thoughts were drifting, he had not noticed the younger man moving over to his closet. He crossed his arms, watching with a curious gaze.

“I’m looking for it,” was the reply he received. “It’s taking a bit because I need to do some donating and spring cleaning.” That comment would have had Kayron rolling his eyes for the second time that day were himself not guilty of doing spring cleaning. It isn’t easy thoroughly cleaning one’s resting domain, what with all the blood, rotting corpses, and crumbling skeletons but it has to be done. Otherwise, the place would be unlivable and the stench unbearable. Vildred mentioned something about wanting to see what it looks like, but Kayron...Kayron hadn’t been having any of that and just told him no. While he may not care about many things, that...that is the one thing he does care about. That was place where no human can go to or even leave with their mind intact should they even, somehow, succeed in entering in the first place and Vildred does not need nor should he even consider wanting to be in such a place.

Telling the swordsman no wasn’t easy. Sometimes though, he had to steel his already iron will and just refuse.

maybe he cares more than he thought.

With a little ah-ha! Vildred pulled whatever it was that he had been looking for in his closet. Kayron’s eyebrows shot up at the sight of it. It was wrapping paper and he half wanted to ask “Are you planning to wrap me up?" purely as some kind of joke but he didn't have a funny bone in him and it sounded more than a bit ridiculous. Plus, there was an implication there, that he was some kind of gift, would have had him red-cheeked had he a single ounce of true blood in his body. He cleared his throat and asked, in a deadpan tone, “You brought me up here to show me gift wrapping paper?”

Vildred shook his head. “I brought you up here to show you how to gift wrap.”  

Say what now? Learn how to gift wrap? As he doesn’t like Yuletide, and made his feelings about it quite clear many of times, it’s not a skill he actually needs. Perhaps Vildred just got tired of him doing nothing but bothering him? That’s not true, though. He stays out of the younger’s way, for the most part. Keeping to the library to read the many books there—though he’s read many of them multiple times already—or to tend to business in other places. Planning for the archdemon’s advent is not easy task after all and they have to hurry so that it all falls into place at the right moment because Ras would be waking up soon, a year or so. But he sees Vildred’s hesitation still and he knows that what will make him put everything into this plan is dependent on Ras’s answer.

he knows Ras, though. knows already that the Heir of the Covenant will not give Vildred the answer he wants to hear.  

As important as that was, the more concerning matter was Vildred wanting to teach him how to wrap presents. It’s just another instance that leaves him wondering if Vildred forgets sometimes that he’s not human. Then again maybe Vildred doesn’t forget; maybe he just thinks he needs to have fun or learn some new things. “And why is it imperative that I learn how to do such a thing?”  

“Because I need some help,” the younger replied bluntly, pulling out another roll from his closet, along with a small box, likely containing ribbons, “and I can’t ask my butler for help because I don’t want him know what I got him before Yuletide.” He turned back to the acolyte and set the items on his bed. He undid his hair and shook it out, running his fingers through it to get some of the tangles out before tying it up into a bun. Kayron had looked away, swallowing past the sudden lump in his throat. Damn this man for making him feel things like desire.  

“So, you’re turning to me,” the acolyte finished for him. He turned back towards the general. “Which is odd. Don’t you have others to help you?”

“I’m expected to be at the castle for the Winter festival in two days, Yuletide is the second day of the festival. If I ask for help from them, I’m not entirely sure I can expect them to keep their mouths shut.” Especially around Aither, went unsaid. He doesn’t know the boy and he frankly isn’t interested in meeting Diene’s brat, but Vildred talks about the tiny prince enough to know that when the child is curious the boy won’t stop until he gets an answer and the people around him tend to cave quickly to his demands. With few exceptions, Diene and Vildred among them.  

Kayron opens his mouth, ready to argue, to insist that there’s no need, and Vildred cuts him off with, “Think of it this way: it’s just another way to deal with Tenebria and Nilgal.” The acolyte snorted at that, though there is some appeal and humor to be found in the thought of wrapping those two up and throwing them into a chaos gate.  

“Fine,” he acquiesced, preparing to remove his gauntlets, “but only for that reason.”  

Vildred grinned a that, a genuine one reaching his eyes for the first time in years, and Kayron felt like his undead heart skipped a beat at the site. A feeling he quickly wrote off some weird distortion in how he was summoned.  

After all he was an acolyte godsdammit.

[jay-and-dean]

Captive Chapter 3 : “Breathe angel”

gif by @justjensenanddean

_Dean x Reader_

Summary :

Dean Winchester is an enemy.

Every man of letters and hunters are enemies.

During the Great Purge in Europe, when every european Men of Letters allied to eradicate monsters once and for all, using hunters as their cold-blooded hounds, long before the BMOL took an interest in USA, they killed my mother, and made me go through hell. I killed so many of them I lost count, and lived a life on the run. Until one day I heard about American Men of Letters extinction, and decided to try and find peace there.

That was without counting on the exile of some BMOL, and the existence of the two best hunters of the world.The fisrt time I saw Sam Winchester, I almost killed him, and Dean has me now…

He is going to kill me, right ?

***CAPTIVE MASTERLIST***

____________________________

Future warnings : Violence and captivity, Swearing, Angst, Fluff, Smut.

Chapter Warnings : Anxiety Attack, Angst, Fluff, Smut. 

Words : 8k

___________________________

“Breathe angel”

 Dean's Pov

           "Alright Sammy" I say on the phone, putting Baby's keys on the table. "I'll ask Jody if she can check if Ketch had rent somewhere. Yeah. Be safe."

I hung up and smile. We won this round, now she have to tell me if she knows something about some tapes. According to my brother, they might be the key to understanding who Y/n is and why they want her back so bad -beside the fact that she'll kill them all-. But my brother just knows tapes exist, not what they have in.

           Lazily walking in the bunker, I sigh when I realize I look forward seeing her more than take a fresh beer, as I usually do coming home.

           Something's wrong, the door is opened. My heart racing, I take my gun and enter the dungeon, pushing the doors slowly.

           The cuffs she had on her feet are open. She left, or were taken.

Reader's Pov

             Ignore the pain, Y/n. Just ignore it like you did a thousand times.

           I feel like I'm falling endlessly. I'm fast, always have. I run almost twice faster than an average girl my age would. But my body is so painful I'd rather die now.

           Run, Y/n. This is the last chance. Last chance to be free, and come back to your former life... Let the rain fall on your eyes and let the night hide you... Be the beast they say you are. Be stealth and deadly. Just run further, faster.

           I feel the stitches break and my wounds open but I keep running as fast as I can.

           I feel my bones hurt and the thorns cut my bare feet but I keep throwing my legs forward.

           I feel exhaustion beating my muscles but I keep fleeing like a predator was after me.

           I feel my lungs scream but I still run faster.

           I think about Dean and the radiant smile I'll never see on his face...

           I feel my heart shatter and I fall and my knees.

           Putting my hands on my mouth I try not to make a sound when my soul is suddenly aching so bad, I have trouble breathing. A simple idea made me fail and fall : Being far from him. My body just doesn't want to run from him... Torn between lonely freedom and captivity with him, I can't move anymore. The world is crashing down and nothing means anything anymore. No certainty. No goal.

           I can't breathe.

           I can't breathe.

           I can't breathe at all.

Dean's pov

             The main door was open and I just ran outside, thinking she would probably go through the forest to hide, if she ran away by herself... I run not knowing where I'm going, getting lost in the forest, following the track of an unknown monster, but not to hunt her down this time, to save her if she needs it.

           Please be alive Y/n, please be alone. Please let me get you. Don't be dead I'm begging you. I hurt you so bad Y/n, more than you probably deserve, I weaken you so much, now you're defenseless and if they got you it will be because of me.

           Suddenly I hear a sound. A strange painful sound, like a wounded animal and I run toward it. As I come closer, I recognize the voice of someone fighting to breathe, like something were strangling their throat. I run even faster.

           When I see her, on the floor, kneeling and holding her chest, her breathing screaming loudly in each inhale, I don't think and let my knees fall on the floor beside her.

"Hey, Y/n, look at me, what's wrong ?" I take her head in my hands and see she has nothing around her neck. "Breathe. Y/n..." I half panic but she abruptly clings to my arms.

She's breathing like she had the fear of her life or worse, her throat whistle, her lips are turning blue.

"Hey, hey. Y/n ! Calm down, breathe. Please. Please look at my mouth" I take a slow inhale and breathe out making a "o" with my lips.

She tries, she really does. Staring at my face she concentrates, but her lungs seem crushed. Her big terrified eyes are blue now, her face close to mine and she looks so vulnerable. It's like she was begging me, calling for me with her wet, trembling eyes.

           I don't know what to do, she needs to breathe. Her nails are digging my skin through my flannel. Her eyes never leaving mine, so close to me.

           I kiss her and she stops panicking.

           I just put my lips on hers like I wanted to give her my hair... and it just works.

           The instant her throat stops whistling, I take my lips away from hers to check on her face. She lets her head fall on my chest and breathe heavily. I don't move, panting myself from the myriad of emotions I just went through.

           She wraps her arms around me and I take her head in my hands, sitting on my ankles. When the rain makes me shiver I take her closer, like I wanted to keep her warm.

"What happened ?" I ask low.

But she doesn't answer, she just squeezes me a little more.

             She doesn't talk. During the long walk to the bunker, she doesn't say a word, and doesn't try to run. Her eyes are lost, she's thinking, wondering maybe. I keep my arm around her back and guide her because she doesn't even look at where she's going. Her eyes are still blue, searching an invisible answer in the night.

           She doesn't talk when I guide her mechanically to the dungeon. I put her cuffs back and I notice my hands are shaking. Her dripping hair are sticking to her face and her eyes keep their blue tint but they're staring at me now, like the answer is written on my face.

"Y/n... You can't run away" I say with doubt mix with bitterness in my unsure voice. "You ca..."

She looks down and I notice a bit of blood on that flannel she wears.

"Don't move" I say sadly.

But as turn to go to my room to take a new flannel, emotions overflow me and a tsunami of rage makes my blood run cold. She could have died.

"Why would you do this... I mean we're trying to help you here, Sam, he... I-I thought they caught you..." I mumble gritting my teeth.

I turn around and she's still looking down, with those blue eyes I hate so much... Because they remind me of Michael, or because they remind me she's not a human being.

"I should put that collar back on you" I say coldly. "I was out trying to defend you... I was... I should put that FUCKING COLLAR BACK ON YOUR NECK !" I finally lose my temper.

"I'm a..." she whispers.

"WHAT ?" I keep yelling. "WHAT ARE YOU ? TELL ME !"

"I'm a prisoner..." she winces. "We try to run away."

"YOU'RE A MONSTER !" I yell pointing at her.

A unique big tear falls from her eye and her lips tremble. I can't take it, I can't stand being close to her and leave the room.

           My hands on my face, I lean against the wall. I hate the mess I'm feeling. Shit. After a few minutes, I sigh and go to my bedroom, then to the bathroom.

           When I come back she didn't move, sitting on that mattress like a fucking slave. My heart sinks. I just can't think straight. I hate her and hate hating her, but I hate treating her like an animal… I’m so confused inside my head.

           I kneel in front of her and try not to think about that strand of her hair sticking to her cleavage. I undo one more button to see the cuts on her chest : they faded a lot, but the deeper part is bleeding a bit. I see her heart beating strongly, and feel it when I put the cotton wool on her skin.  She's still looking down, her eyes slowly losing their unnatural blue shade.

           As I brush her skin, my hand accidentally opens another button and reveals more than it should. I can see the beautiful curve of her naked breasts almost to her nipples... I should look away. I just can't. My eyes roam to her wet throat and my hand linger too long on her skin.

           She takes a shaky breath but I don't dare looking up at her face. When I notice a scar next to her heart, I brush it with my index finger, letting the cotton wool fall. Her heart beats my hand with force. Before I can think, I flatten my hand to feel it. My fingers star moving by themselves, shyly caressing her skin, pushing the fabric. Her sweet nipple appears and I can't hold back a strangled sigh, she's just something else. With a trembling fingers, I brush it and she squeezes her thighs.

Shit.

           I bend and half bite half kiss the soaked skin at the base of her throat. Having my mouth tasting her makes me dizzy, and for an moment I don’t care what she is or that she could kill me now, just break my neck like I saw her do… She stays silent but her breathing fasten. My hand takes her breast fully and I moan against her skin.

           Only then I dare to look at her face, she's flushed and her eyes are on me, piercing me. I kiss her throat again, letting my tongue surreptitiously taste her skin. My other hand comes up to push her hair away and let me access to the skin below her ear, she lets her head fall backward and rubs her knees one against the other.

           I'm hard as steel but it's not my own body that has my attention right now. I'm lost on her. I crash my lips on hers and immediately claims entrance. She opens her mouth and my tongue feasts on her.

           She doesn’t move, maybe she doesn’t dare, her hands on her knees she lets me kiss her like I had wanted to for years, and she lets my hand knead her soft breast and tease her nipples.

           I come closer, opening her legs to have them on each side of me, and my hand opens her flannel completely to roam her body. She moans in my mouth and I start panting. Everything is so intense I don’t realize what I’m doing, until my knee bangs on the chain… then my brain starts to scream.

           What if she lets me do this because she is afraid ? Or because she thinks she doesn’t have a choice ? What am I doing ? This is rape, I mean she is chained against her will. Shit. Have I lost my damn mind ? This is twisted and sick…

           I break the kiss and take my hands away, panting because of arousal as much as panic. She looks at me and still doesn’t dare to move, she must be terrified.

“I’m so…” I can’t finish my sentence, I hate my own voice right now. “There.”

I give her the clean flannel, one of mine this time. Then I get up trying not to look at her.

           In the kitchen, I stay straight, my two hands on the counter, eyes closed. I came here to bring her something to eat but the tent on my pants is very embarrassing and painful. I have to think about anything else, try to calm down, but nothing seems to work and her moan is playing on repeat in my head.

           My heart pounding with guilt, I slip my hand in my pants and rub my cock with a strong will to think about the last porn I watched or the last girl I slept with. But as my right hand grabs my cock, I think about how it was on her breast minutes ago, how her nipple harden noticeably between my fingers. When I start to stroke it, I try to think about that time Jenny or what-was-her-name-again invited her roommate to join us, but my sick brain create a scene where she is the one slipping her hand in my boxers and I forget about the roommates and porn or trying to be quiet.

 Reader’s Pov

             Curled up on the mattress, my nose on the collar of the flannel, I smell his scent. What is happening to me ? I met strong beautiful men before, had sex with some of them, but it never had that effect on me. It’s like he was crack or heroin and I just can’t stay away from him. That guy, Chris, from that bar in New York, he was handsome, maybe even more than Dean, certainly more than Dean, a true work of art ; but he never made me become a confused teenager like that, captivated and obsessed…

           Maybe it is boredom. Maybe not seeing other people is making me crazy and when I finally go back to my former life I find a hundred Deans. And then maybe I forget about his lips on mine…

           It is strange to have wetness between my legs right now. I mean I’m still a prisoner… Rubbing my thighs together I try to ease the need, but his smell is covering me and the delicious sound of his moan comes back constantly like an echo.

           When he finally comes back, I take my nose out of the flannel but don’t dare moving more. He barely looks at me, putting a plate in front of me with a homemade burger. It smells really good.

“Hope you like it” he says like he was shy. “Do you want water, a coke or a beer ?”

I smile thinking about a joke that would compare him to a fast-food employee, but I keep it to myself and stare at him like I needed to have my fix.

“I wouldn’t say no to a beer…”

“Okay. Do you need anything else ?” he says still avoiding my  face.

“Did you already eat ?” I ask, casting my eyes down.

“No. My plate is in the library” he says and I think of what I saw when I left the dungeon : the beautiful library and those huge rooms…

“Could you… Forget it” I give up.

“Tell me” he insists, looking back at me for the first time.

“I’m just tired of being alone all the time…”

           He doesn’t answer and leaves. Just when my heart drops at the idea of not seeing him for hours and hours, he comes back, his plate in one hand and two fresh beers in the other. He seats in front of me, handing me a bottle.

“This is uncomfortable, you need a table” he grunts when he can’t place his plate on his knees with enough stability.

Then silence falls again. I play with my beer, not daring to take a sip before he does. He takes a big bite of the burger, I watch him chew, his jaw moving, his lips greasy.

“You don’t like burgers ?” he says as I don’t touch mine, engrossed in looking at him.

“Yeah, yeah… Thank you” I say taking the plate. “Thank you” I repeat, thinking about what happened in the forest.

           The burger is delicious, he really made it good, with fried onions and bacon. When a drop of sauce falls on his flannel I’m wearing I wince and mutter apologies.

“It’s okay” he says. “You just don’t know how to eat properly I see.”

Saying that he takes another huge bite and a piece of bacon falls on his pants. He looks at me with an amused look, almost childish and I can’t hold a soft shy laugh.

“Y/n…” he says and for an unknown reason my heart races. “Do you know anything about tapes ?”

“Tapes ?”

He nods.

“No… Why ?”

“Sammy thinks we have to find tapes…” he states. “Are you sure you never heard of tapes ? This could be really helpful to understand why the Men of Letters are ready to die to catch you.”

I look down and put my burger on the plate.

“I’m a monster, they’re monster hunters. That’s it, Dean…”

“No. There’s more I know it…”

             The next day Dean comes back after his shower, hair still wet and the delicious smell of his soap all over him. He checks on my wounds and smile when he sees they’re almost healed.

“I’m going to the grocery store, do you need something ? Girl thing ?Anything ?” he asks tiredly.

“Aren’t you afraid I’ll run away ? If you tell me when you’re gone ?”

“No, I know you won’t go anywhere” he says and I can’t look at him while he searches my face.

           Twenty-seven. It’s the number of opportunities I had to run away since that time I did, a few days ago. Dean is more and more imprudent, leaving the room when I shower and not closing the donjon door when he went out to bring a little table. But almost all of these opportunities would have involve hurting him, and I can’t resolve to that.

           The cuffs on my feet are hurting me but I never tell him, because I can see the guilt he can’t digest for beating me so bad. And I realized his feelings are important to me…

           He’s not as stupid or violent as I thought. He even seems to live up to his reputation. I learned a lot about him these days : Dean is worried all the time, for everything and everyone ; he feels guilty easily and he is loyal. He likes comfort and cleanliness. He's shy when he hears something nice... Maybe not all hunters are the same…

           Each time he opens those doors my heart races, and each time he goes it’s like everything went dark and freezing. I still wash with his soap and I use his shampoo too, to have at least his smell on me when he leaves me alone.

           Maybe he’ll kill me when Sam comes back, but I don’t really care. I was ready to die and now if it could be by his hand, at least he would be the last person I see…

             “Here” he says handing me a beer and sitting next to me on the mattress. “Sam is coming back soon. He has the tapes.”

I look at him in disbelief mixed with pure fear. What does it mean ? Will Dean abandon me from now on ? What is on those damn tapes ?

“Ketch had hidden them in Great Britain. Sam can’t fly from London to here because they’re watching airports since he robbed those tapes. He’ll take several trains to lose them before he can take a plane…” he says looking at you.

He’s so close now, I can feel heat radiate from him, and I’m very aware of how my hand could touch his thigh if it moved just a little bit.

“How did you escaped from them all those years ?” he asks and the secret answer escape from my mouth.

“Boats” I say. “In holds, between goods most of the time” I simply say ignoring the fact that now I couldn’t run from him that easily if I had to.

“Must have been hell…” he says for himself taking a sip of his beer. “You really don’t know what you are ?”

I shake my head and my eyes land on the freckles around his nose.

“But you know what you can do or not… Like, do you have powers like telekinesis or things like that ?”

I shake my head again. Then he doesn’t dare to ask another question, even if I know he has a thousand. I look at his profile while he lets his head on the wall, his Adam’s apple catching my eyes. If his plan was to seduce the truth out of me, he’s succeeding.

“I’m resistant and tough. I need to eat less, to sleep less. I can bear really high and low temperatures. I’m faster and my reflexes are better." As I speak he looks at me with kindness and a ounce of gratitude. "I learn faster too, I can read a book in an hour and keep it in mind almost entirely for days. I’m immune against every virus but I can get sick if I’m infected by bacteria. I heal not only faster but better, most of my scars finally disappear entirely. My heart can slow until almost stopping for hours when my body needs it and my heartbeats can go up to 280 beats per minutes. I don’t have period, or cramps or sore muscle. My blood gives some of those abilities to whom drinks it for a few days… And I see in the dark” I say, my eyes in his.

           I never told this to anyone, this is the guide to kill or control me. This is dangerous. I just gave Dean everything that could end me.

“Maybe they want your blood, to be stronger” he thinks out loud.

“No, they don’t know that. I kept as much as I could from them…”

“So they trained you to make you even stronger ?” he says turning a bit to face me.

“Yep…”

There is something in his eyes. Kindness or something else. An expression I’ve never seen in my life… Something beautifully soothing, warm and definitely rare.

           When he bends to catch my lips, my heart stops for a second, astonished.

           He gently caresses my skin with his, very slowly, like he was afraid of something or extremely shy. And I stay perfectly still, terrified that he could just run away like he did last time. I don’t breathe, I don’t talk, I just focus on him.

           The plumb flesh of his lips kisses mine hesitantly once and twice. But doubt creeps on his face once again and he doesn’t allow his mouth to meet mine a third time. I’m craving, I’m dying to touch him and hear him moan again…

           So I do the only thing I know when it comes to intimacy : give people what I think they want to keep them from leaving me…

           I put my hand on his knee and start stroking it slowly. He looks at me with a new expression on his perfect face : surprise ; and I bite my lower lip, craving for his breath against my skin. I go up his leg and I can see his face flush a bit.

           When my hand lands on his crotch, he puts his on it.

“Y/n…” he says, searching my eyes.

But I bend and nibble at his jaw, teeth and tongue, my hand moving lightly on his crotch. He half sighs half moans, closing his eyes tight like he was trying to concentrate, to resist maybe.

“Y/n, don’t” he tries in a whisper.

I take his hand on mine with my free one and put it on my breast, making him squeeze it a bit while I keep nibbling at the skin below his ear.

           I know I’m making him crazy, this is what I want. I want him to need me. I need him to stay with me, to touch me. I need that third kiss and to see that warm thing in his eyes that makes me believe in life.

           I let go his hand to open his belt and he lets me do it despite a muttered “shit” falling from his mouth. His palm never leave my chest, exploring it, shyly opening another button to reach my skin.

           He’s hard. My hand seems small on his boxers covered length and a burning desire makes my hand work in synchrony with my mouth : The more my hand rubs him, the more my mouth is wet and greedy. It's like I could never have enough of him, of his manly smell, of the muscle moving in his jaw, of what he is and especially who he is : simply Dean Winchester.

           His eyes are still closed and he pants, mouth agape, when I decide to rob that third kiss.

“Y/n” he says against my lips, tickling me with his breath. “Don’t do that… I won’t be able to stop. I can’t…”

He cuts his sentence with a low moan when I takes the head of his cock through the fabric and rub my thumb on it where I know it’s good.

           He opens his eyes and their expression is mixed with a new one, a one I already seen : Lust. It suits him so well I feel those sweatpants I wear becoming damp under me.

           He looks right in my eyes now and I see a light threatening smirk appear on the side of his mouth. He abruptly pushes me on the mattress and I gasp when I fall on it.

           His strong hand takes my knees and open them widely but he doesn’t come between them like I thought, and hoped, he would. Instead he keeps my upper body down with a strong hand and slips the other inside the grey, wet sweatpants.

           This is happening so fast, I don’t have time to think about how I want him to take me here and now, or about that sweet unknown expression on his face. I don’t have time to realize I’m overwhelmed by my feelings as much as desire.

           He reaches my pussy and rubs his index and middle fingers on it, soaking them. I moan loudly, incapable of holding back the intense pleasure.

“You’re soaked” he whispers bending on me to kiss my throat and bite it.

I can’t answer anything as his fingers slip inside me without any warning. This time my back arches and a low scream escapes. I’m already squeezing his fingers like crazy, on the edge like he had prepared me for hours when he is so fast.

“D-Dean…” I beg.

But he starts thrusting his fingers deep and tough and my voice gets lost.

           I want to catch his face to kiss him but my fists are closed, one around his arm, moving with every thrust of his large hand, one around the fabric of my pants, like I could cling to it.

           Without my consent, my hips lift, pushed upward by my legs, and allow a new angle. He goes so deep I can feel him in my belly... and my own body comes down to my fucking belly right now.

“Shit” he grunts, biting my throat eagerly. “Touch me… Please...”

I let go of his arm and slip my hand in his pants again, not able to do much more, to go inside his boxers or to have a comfortable angle. I clumsily stroke him through the fabric but the roughness of his ministration send me to an unfocused blur ecstasy.

           I can't focus on anything but his fingers inside of me, touching places only some dicks brushed occasionally. My feet are digging in the mattress, keeping my hips high, my thighs sweaty and contracted. I'm dizzy and I feel the most powerful orgasm I ever had coil in each of my cells. Yet I'm still fully clothed...

           Dean doesn't move, only his strong arms is shaken by the powerful thrusts he inflicts me. I can't touch him anymore, and yet I would love nothing more than to take care of him, to make him scream and come. But I'm shaken by a pleasure so intense it is almost painful.

"D-D-Dean..." I exhale more than I call, my hand still rubbing his cock absent-mindedly.

"Shit..." he groans. "Look at you... Fuck !" he pants.

           When he moves his wrist to reach impossibly deeper inside me, I come hard. My heart stops for a second as my soul seems to leave my body, then he starts beating like crazy, and my pussy throbs so hard around his fingers it almost hurts how strong and hard they are.

           My sweat seems suddenly so cold, and my own wetness is tickling my ass cheeks, still up to meet him.

"Fuck..." he pants and I finally manage to look at him.

He's far away, lost in his own trance, visibly on the verge of coming. He's beautiful. In fact, he is the most beautiful thing I ever seen, his tongue between his teeth, sweat making his hair stick to his forehead, those green eyes...

           For a second he keeps his fingers inside me, and when he takes them out, he looks at them for a second, like he was hesitating. He's lost, burning and craving for release, it's my time to take care of him...

           I sit, even if I still can feel him inside, and take the belt of his jeans in my two hands. I want to taste him, I need to. I take his pants and underwear down just enough free his cock and wrap my hand around it, my mouth watering. Before I taste him, I need to kiss him. I suddenly feel like I can't breathe if it is not inside his mouth. So I do.

           But when our body meet, and his chest comes close to mine, he takes my jaw in his hand, not crushing it painfully like he once did, but still roughly to keep kissing me.

           I know he still hates me, it must be hard to want me... So he bites me more than he kisses me, and scratches me more than he caresses me, but it doesn't matter as long as he touches me.

           He takes a handful of my hair and pulls my head back to bite my neck.

"Please Dean, let me taste you..." I beg, not even realizing how submissive that sounds, it's just the truth.

"Shit..." he says like my sentence was stroking his cock already. "Why do you do this to me ?" he blames me angrily.

"I... Dean"

He's biting hard and I can feel burning marks appearing on my neck and throat. I can't move, his hand is still holding me by the hair ; so I take his cock in my hand. It twitches instantly.

"What are you..." he almost pleads, letting his head fall on my shoulder.

           After only a few movements of my hand, he takes it away and puts it under my back, taking the other as well. He pushes me again and I fall on the mattress, this time with his strong hand holding my wrist behind my back. I moan.

           Not letting go of my arms he pulls brutally on his sweatpants I'm wearing and throws it through the room, he takes my thigh and lift it, immediately lining with my entrance.

"Yes..." I moan when I feel the tip of him.

My back hurts for laying on my hands and one of his but I don't care.

           His first thrust is curt and makes me arch in a silent scream. His knees on the floor, he starts fucking me into the mattress and my eyes roll inside my head.

"Yes, yes !" I half scream half beg when he bends to continue marking my neck.

I want to touch him so bad, to hold him close but his powerful and angry hand won't let me, so I take what he gives me.

           It doesn't last. After only a few thrusts he starts shaking and my toes curl. I try to keep my cool, to see and feel him come. But once again my all senses are on his hips banging on me, his cock inside of me, my walls stretching to welcome him the best I can. I try to wrap my legs around him but his thrusts are too sharp and my body is too lost.

"Y/n..." he moans in my ear and my heart flutters because he's still with me, not far away in some fantasy.

           Then he comes, groaning on my neck, filling me up like no one ever did ; and finally feeling him letting go triggers another orgasm in me. The last thing I can hear are his whines when my walls clench him really hard.

 Dean's Pov

             I look in the mirror and hate what I see. My fingers still smell like her and I want to keep them that way. I would if I wasn't feeling so bad, if I wasn't so disgusted with myself. I wash my hands and they're shaking.

           I wanted her, I took what I wanted. This is sick. Maybe I hurt her again, even if I didn't... This is... Sam has to come home or I'm going mad.

           I can't sleep. Turning in my bed I think of her on that mattress and that suddenly sounds like sex slavery and rape. I hate myself. Her back arching is haunting me, her mouth opening to scream when her red throat doesn't allow any sound to come out... She's alone in the dark, she even refused to take a shower tonight... She's alone in the dark, my cum still dripping from... Shit !

           I get up and start running, like it could change anything. When I open the doors with a heavy noise, she slightly jumps.

"Y/n..." I'm suddenly shy. "I..."

She straighten and smile warmly.

"I didn't use protection... And I know for sure you're not on pill..." I pant without really realizing it, a stifling fear in my chest.

"Don't worry" she shrugs. "As I told you : No period, no ovulation. So no pregnancy."

"Oh..." I breathe, even more angry at myself.

Should I believe her ?

"Believe me" she says as she could read my thoughts. "I'm a monster, remember ?"

Her smile is sad for a second.

"You can go back to sleep, Dean..."

"I'm sorry" I say like it meant something.

She doesn't say anything and I have trouble leaving now, looking at her beautiful face, her messy hair I pulled, the love bites I marked on her neck...

"Do you want a blanket ? Are you sure about that shower ?"

"Nah, I'm okay. Go to sleep, don't worry about me. Tomorrow you offer me breakfast and that shower" she smiles.

           I want to kiss her right now. I want to sleep here on this mattress and I also want to yell at her. But I go back to my room and try to think about anything else but her. After an hour, I get up and pick a full bottle of whiskey, take it to bed, and drink it until I pass out.

           I'm still a little drunk when I get up and I think it helps a bit. I bring her breakfast, with coffee and eggs and stay to eat with her because she asked.

"Why do you eat so slowly ?" I ask when I see her play with her food.

"I'm sorry Dean, I really don't like eggs" she smiles kindly.

"Who doesn't like eggs ?" I fake shock.

"Maybe monsters..." she sighs looking down.

           Each time she gets out of the dungeon she seems enthralled, this time is no exception. When she enters the bathroom she dares talking.

"Where am I ?" she tries.

I shouldn't answer but she trusted me with so much secrets.

"You wouldn't like the answer" I say turning my back on her to let her take her clothes off.

I can see her flannel on the chair in my peripheral vision and I think about her body and...

"Why ?" she cuts my thoughts.

"This is the American Men of Letters bunker... Sammy and I... We are legacy."

Silence. She doesn't move or talk.

"Y/n ?"

"Is this..." her voice is shaking and she seems terrified all of a sudden. "Is all this an plan ?"

"What ?" I frown.

"Are you manipulating me from the start, Dean ?" I can hear tears on her throat.

"What ? No, no... We are legacy but we don't..."

"Shit ! Were they watching when you were fucking me ? Where they recording ? Are they here right now ?" she cries now.

I turn around and she's naked and crying, her beautiful body covered with marks I left there, love bites and light bruises.

"No, no Y/n. I'm not..." I try to reach her but she flinches.

"Don't touch me !" she yells with tears rolling down her cheeks. "I knew they would use everything against me ! I should have known you where too kind to be true !"

"Too kind ? Y/n I broke your face and your ribs ! Shit what did they do to you..."

I come closer even if she seems so frightened, when the wall is behind her, she can't go back more and I wrap my arms around her trembling body. She really think I could have seduced her and have had sex with her for them ? In front of a camera of whatever ? Shit what did they do for her to think somebody could go that far.

"Don't touch me, I trusted you..." she sobs.

"Listen, Y/n. Listen to me" I take her face in my two hands. "I'm not a Man of Letters. I don't work with them. My grandfather was but you already know every one of them died a long time ago. Sammy and I just inherited this place... We had no home... This..."

Hearing this she clings to me, taking me in her arms, flattening her sweet breasts on my chest.

“Do you swear you’re not working with them ?”

"I can be brutal and stupid and unfair, but I'm not sly or wicked. I would never abuse you. You hear me ?"

As I kiss her forehead she relaxes a bit.

"We are alone" I whisper stroking her hair. "Nobody's watching or manipulating you. Sammy will be back soon, he will have answers. I'll protect you okay ?"

She nods and nuzzles on my chest.

"Will you let me protect you ?"

She nods again.

"No one will ever do whatever they did to you again" I whisper smelling her hair.

Then she lifts her head to search my face and, keeping her in my arms, I bend to kiss her.

           She returns the kiss and my heart races again. Stroking her back I savor her naked skin under my fingers. Her hands go up to my shoulders then she brushes the skin of my neck, trying to have a little more access to my skin.

           I take my flannel off, eager to feel her hands on me, and my t-shirt right away. She looks at me and I suddenly feel a little insecure. Her fingers draw the contours of my tattoo and linger on my chest. What does she thinks of me ? She looks at all my scars, taking her time, biting her lips from time to time, and when she brushed the freckles on my shoulder, she smiles and then bends to leave a soft, shy, sensual kiss on my chest.

           I kiss her again, nice and slow. Crushing my body on hers to feel her as much as I can, my hands roaming her body, discovering the curve of her lower back.

           She wraps her legs around me and her chest is suddenly closer to my face. I kiss her breasts and she lets her hands through my hair, scratching my scalp slightly with her nails.

           When I take a nipple in my mouth she moans and keeps my face on her skin with both hands. She taste so good and she's so soft, still trembling a little. Big tears rolling on her throat from her sobs a few minutes ago.

“I want you…” I whisper kissing her chest. “But you can say no anytime.”

“I want you” she states with a velvety voice.

Keeping her against me with one arm, I open my belt and she makes it difficult by keeping kissing me, her hungry hands scratching my neck so softly.

           My pants falls on my thighs, stuck by my slightly spread legs, and I push my boxers down hastily. I can’t wait to be inside her.

           I rub the tip of my cock at her entrance, wondering if I need to prepare her, but she is so wet… With her strong thighs she pushes down, surprising me. I moan while her tight pussy slowly swallows me little by little, as her juice progressively soak me.

           I’m sweating already, keeping my head straight to kiss her fervidly. But when I bottom out, staying still for a moment, she can’t kiss me back. Her mouth open, she lets her head rest on my forehead, breathing heavily.

“You okay ?” I pant and she nods with her eyes closed.

After less than a minute she opens her eyes and looks at me intensely.

“Take me, Dean” she commands.

           My two hands come to her ass and I start thrusting, slowly at first. She mewls, clinging to my neck, making noises that could make me come alone ; no screams or exaggerated sounds, just desperate, low moans and whimpers.

           My hunger grows with her beautiful reactions so I start to thrust harder. Her ass bangs on the wall and she tries to kiss me, lazily caressing my tongue with hers.

           Maybe it is pleasure, maybe it is another emotion that makes her eyes turn blue again. She must feel it because she closes them.

“Look at me, Y/n. Don’t close your eyes…”

She shakes her head but I let go of her right thigh to cup her face.

“Look at me…” I insist and she opens her eyes. “You’re beautiful.”

           A small tear falls from the corner of her eye while she stares at me like I had changed her life. She lets her head fall back on the wall and moans.

“Dean…”

This is ruining me for every other girls. I bend and kiss every inch of skin I can, her mouth, her jaw, her nose, her cheeks.

           Then it all becomes blurry again, my cock twitches inside her, her thighs keep me deep, can barely move in and out anymore, so I roll my hips  and grab her side, my thumb under her breast;

“Y/n…” I groan when my orgasm hits my without warning, triggered by the violent spasms of her body and walls.

           I cum deep inside her, her legs not allowing me to withdraw at all, her arms squeezing me like I could disappear any moment.

           I pant in her neck while she whispers my name between kisses.

 Reader’s Pov

             Coming out of the shower I feel a punch of disappointment hit me in the guts : He’s not here. I know he is not far, I’m just so addicted it hurts when he’s not where I thought he would be.

“Here” he appears with a fresh towel. “This one is warm, it just came out of dryer.”

           While I wrap it around me, he quickly kisses my shoulder. I’m in heaven now.

“Y/n, I need you to promise me something angel” I can see the nickname just slip from his mouth, surprising him as much as me. “Tell me you won’t run away.”

I look at him with hesitation, not that I would, but what does he mean ?

“Y/n please give me your word. I need it.”

“I won’t” I say. “I’m staying to know what Sam found, and you say you would protect me.”

           He smiles and puts a soft kiss on my lips.

“I have to stop kissing you eventually” he smiles.

I think I am in love with him…

             When he took me by the hand to lead me to the kitchen, I was shaking like crazy. I mean, this is so new to me, thrusting someone. This place is so huge it made me dizzy, I only knew cells and tiny hovel, I could get lost in this palace.

           When he asked me what I wanted to eat, and made me look in the fridge, I was still shaking, I really didn’t know, no one ever asked me to help myself in their home. We ate pastas because that’s what I like the most, and he let me cook a sauce because he didn’t know anything else than mac and cheese. He talked about his encounter with the Men of Letters and about how they found this place, I listened in awe.

           But it is when he took me to a bedroom, telling me I could sleep here, that I almost cried. He asked me what I wanted to do and I just answered that I didn’t want to be alone, so he took his laptop, a two beers, and laid on the bed, with his laptop on his legs.

“I’m sorry, I have researches to do before Sammy comes back. Do you want a book ?”

I shook my head and lay beside him, trying not to look at him too much, focusing on his smell and his presence.

           Here I am now, my head on the pillow, watching him look for locations and read the newspapers, smiling for myself in the half-light, high on him, confident enough to drift in sleep.

             I wake up alone, but Dean’s smell is everywhere around. I get up and notice clothes on a chair that wasn’t there yesterday. My clean jeans and panties next to a new flannel of his, a red one. I put them on and decide to leave to look for him, hesitating a brief moment before I pass the door, is it allowed ?

           I almost get lost in the hallway, but I finally find my way to the library. Everything is empty. The high room is vertiginous, and the ceiling is like a sky to me.

           The front door opens in a loud creaking. I can hear footsteps going down the stairs and Sam appears in the library. He doesn’t see me at first, as I am perfectly still. He put a large suitcase down and sighs.

           When his eyes fall on me he immediately takes his gun out to target me.

“DEAN ?” he calls and I lift my hands. “DEAN ?”

Dean comes running and stops next to me.

“No, no, no… It’s okay Sammy” he says coming in front of me.

Sam seems so surprised, he lower his gun but bent his head looking at me.

“What…” he says not really aiming anyone.

“I trust her” Dean just says.

My heart is beating fast.

“You got the tapes ?” he asks casually but Sam can’t take his eyes off of me.

“What happened ?” Sam stares at me.

“She won’t run away… She needs our protection Sam” he says not looking at me.

“So you became besties ?” his brother half joke.

“Depends on what you have” he insists still not looking at me.

Sam clear his voice and point at the suitcase.

“According to the number of tapes, I say there is like two hundred hours of film…”

“Shit longer than Game of Thrones” Dean jokes but I can see he is getting nervous.

“There is more than tapes, a whole file about Y/n” Sam states. “I didn’t read it yet, I was busy running, they weren’t happy with me stealing this…”

“Okay, let’s do this” Dean says, taking a tapes player with a projector. “Anyone want popcorn ?”

I start to shake. If this comes from the Men of Letters it can’t be good…

“You okay Y/n ?” Sam asks.

           I didn’t realize I was shaking so hard, my blue eyes reacting to pure fear. When his brother speaks, Dean, who was installing the projector, turns toward me.

“Do you know what is on those tapes ?” Sam asks kindly.

I shake my head and my breathing slightly starts to whistle.

“Hey, hey Y/n, look at me” Dean says coming close.

He wraps his arms around me protectively, his nose on my hair.

“I’m here. Remember ?”

           As I take him by the waist under his opened flannel, I see Sam’s eyes widen.

“Breathe angel… Just breathe.”

***FEEDBACK IS EVERYTHING <3***

@tftumblin @deans-baby-momma @roonyxx @animegirlgeeky

[motherofwoofers]

Chapter 7 I'd Rather be Hibernating

As Marinette closed the hatch above her, and settled into the dark of her room, still chilled from the lack of power to her heater, she pulled the hoodie to her face. Luka's smell enveloped her: cool, spicy, and a hint of salt water. As if the very ocean had claimed him over the years. She sat there, legs bent over to her side, bundled in his jacket, beyond calm and satisfied.

She opened her eyes when her bed shifted, glowing green eyes holding her stare. They slowly blinked at her, but maintained their intense gaze. He made no move to come closer, even less so to speak.

"It seems everyone knows who I am," Marinette grumbled, letting the hoodie fall from her face. She felt oddly bereft once it was no longer caressing her face. There was no response in the dark. Annoyed Marinette climbed down from her bed, maneuvering around her dark room through memory alone until she found the space heater and cranked it up. The warm glow lit the room, and the deep shadowed figure on her bed became illuminated.

Chat Noir's suit had changed over the years. No longer the bell-ed and adorable bachelor of Paris. He was still quick, refined, and full of attitude. But he was sharper now. Less forgiving. A house cat turned panther. His appearance had altered to reflect that. Deep metallic green reflected in well placed stitching, finger tips no longer prickly, but full clawed. He was svelte. Suit clinging and moving in a way that showed he was lethal: deadly. Restrained. He had once shown deeply hidden matte spots in places along his suit.

Before the reveal.

Before the betrayal was known.

But now he no longer reflected anything but himself. His mask had shaped aggressively soon after that, ears in a constant state of irritation. The last 2 years had helped ease those harsh lines. It would take far longer for Chat to find himself again though. Find true peace. Until then, the cat miraculous gave him a way to control that anger. Siphoning off the overflow into power.

Marinette climbed back into her bed, unceremoniously making him move out of her way. She pulled the covers out from under her pillows and unfolded a pink and white spotted blanket to wrap her shoulders in. She refused to speak to him until he broke the silence himself. It took long moments of avoiding his intense stare. She took the opportunity to reflect on the scent of calming still wrapped around her *Menthol? Mint?* she felt it was the latter that made up the cool undercurrent of the scent.

"I was under the impression I was the only one who had figured it out." His voice was low. It had been a voice that had at one point made her breath catch and her cheeks warm. It no longer did. It was a voice that reflected everlasting partnership; trust. But butterflies didn't flutter in her chest. She had the feeling they hadn't fluttered in his for some time as well. Marinette waited for him to continue- he didn't.

"I was unaware anyone had. I thought I was better at hiding my identity than I thought I was. Apparently I underestimated my team. Foolish, I know. I needed to though, Chat. It endangers those who know. I can't add anymore danger to your lives." She couldn't match his gaze as she rambled, picking at a stray thread she would need to clip.

"It was," he sighed, before turning his attention away, settling into a tension-less pose. Weight heavy in his shoulders. A weight he would only reveal to her.

"Dangerous?" She questioned, as he settled his back against her wall.

"Foolish."

"Oh." She was quiet.

"Things have changed. But your protection is still paramount. You should know that by now." Chat didn't mince his words, but was hushed all the same. Silence fell between them again for awhile. The only sound the humm of her heater.

"I just-"

"I know why you did it," he cut her off. "Doesn't mean it was the right choice though. I was hurt for awhile once I'd figured it out. Felt like just another betrayal… but I know it wasn't. It was the kindest thing you could have done. A choice and responsibility that you harbored. So I never said anything. I watched though. I was there for you at every turn. As you were for me," he was quiet again. He looked down at his hand that held the miraculous ring, flexed the fingers. "These powers. A dream come true. An out. But for some of us- it's the weight of the world." He let his hand drop to her duvet.

"I'm sorry I never told you," Marinette pulled her knees to her chest. Curling her arms around them, staring down at the heater.

"I know you are."

The warmth and quiet wrapped them up once more. The silence empty but comforting. A natural balance in the room, like the feeling of true neutral. A room temperature you couldn't feel. They would always be the embodiment of yin and yang- in their part of the world at least. But while it was the ultimate balance, it had also left them balanced with eachother.

At first they hadn't figured it out. *She* hadn't figured out why she was so drawn to Adrien, and Chat to Ladybug. It was a desperate grasp to feel your other half. It had eventually led to their civilian selves having a short fling at some point. But it had ended quickly. She had more on her plate than she thought she could handle at the time- she had handled it though. And Adrien's life had begun to spiral. Things coming to light and coalescing in a way that couldn't be ignored any more. Needed to be faced.

Then it had exploded.

She had realized soon after that, that they had ached for eachother because of who they were and the miraculous they held. The feelings of love, merely a confused feeling of infatuation and need.

But as she had realized it, he had also turned away from everyone else as well. He was wounded deeply. Truly orphaned. The miraculous team had rallied around him, keeping him as grounded as they could to keep him falling into something he couldn't return from. Even more difficult when they had discovered that Nooroo's gem had been snatched right out from under their noses. The police had stormed into the Agreste mansion as the battle was ending. The raging carnage shaking the very city.

It had been a moment. Perhaps even a heart beat that the butterfly had been released from between Miraculous hands. Then it had been gone. As if it had never been in the room at all.

Chat had taken the loss as a failure of his own actions. It had been gasoline to his raging inferno.

The team had searched and scoured. Finding nothing. Not even whispers. Then some sort of strangeness had happened in Spain. Turkey. Ukraine.

Akumas.

A pair of miraculous had been awoken in Moscow, a Guardian chosen. Then the akumas had dissapeared again.

Until six months ago.

When Monarch had found Paris.

The butterfly wielder wasn't set on stealing other miraculouses. They had waited to see if she had true plans. Battled the akumatized victims at every turn. Watching them become more and more dangerous.

Monarch just wanted to sew chaos. She used all emotions. Anything strong enough to catch her attention- she snatched.

A father brimming with joy at the birth of his first child. She had seized that. Twisted it.

The akuma had built a tower. A tower in which he had held his wife and child, far from everyone. Brambles and vines with thorns thick as arms had climbed the bricks. Preventing any from coming closer. Then he had begun to collect all the infants from Paris, gathering them in his tower. He had been *protecting* them. Even from their own parents.

But Monarch struck at random. She would akumatize multiple victims in a week, and then disappear for awhile. Becoming impossible to track. Without a true goal, they had nothing to go off of. They found political elections or grand scale decisions afflicted, but not all. And none of them in line with each other.

Just chaos.

Her victims intelligent. Guided. Without anger blinding many of them, they were more focused.

Encounters in summer had been one challenge. The cold weather becoming an entirely different battle ground.

But Monarch had slowed her own actions. The butterfly miraculous beginning to affect her as well as the rest of them. The cold difficult to function through.

Marinette found herself close to drifting off as the room warmed. Then Chat shifted once more.

"Did you tell him?" It was quiet. Barely audible. Something in his tone held back.

"No." A deep breathe washed out of his chest and he closed his eyes. "He's known." She mumbled into her knees, the hoodie having snuck back up against her chin.

"Mmm," was all Chat replied with. He slid his fingers along her comforter. They had history together. Nothing would change that. "I trust him." Marinette wasn't aware that she had craved his approval of the situation until he spoke it aloud. "When did he…?"

"Before the.. before," she couldn't find the right words, but he nodded all the same.

"I'm not… *happy* about it," his voice had gone back to his normal tone. No longer raw. She gripped the loose fabric of her fleece pants. "I know how he feels. I've seen it. He hides most of it. Keeps it hidden beneath layers of coy and natural caring. He's smooth, I'll give him that," Chat chuckled. "But I'm not… hmmm. I don't… We're not together. But it's hard for me to see you wearing someone else's clothes." His eyes slid to her, gleaming in the dark. They both knew she still had a few of his things. From the heated nights they'd shared. Though they had kept it a secret from others.

"I want something real Chat," she met his eyes. Held them. "I want to try at least. I want to feel again, in the open this time. We had… we had what we needed at the time. You and I. But I had something with him, too. Something warmer and deeper, than us," something *real* she added to herself. It had been real between her and Adrien, but it hadn't been the real she craved. "Luka…Luka is-"

"What you need now," he finished for her. Marinette could only nod in response. The dim light of the heater filling the space between them again. "I came here to see if you were alright. You weren't performing well in the last fight. Deep winter is settling in early this year. I don't know what went wrong. But I know something did. I could see it all over his face. See the fear he keeps buried deeper than most can see. I see it, though. I know where to look now." He began to shift his body, moving into a crouch. Chat would leave soon.

"I know he escorts you home. Or close enough lately. Filling my position," she watched the muscle in his jaw flutter, before he unclenched. "I needed to be sure. But when I found your bed empty, I stayed. I've only been waiting a few hours." He maneuvered to her roof hatch. "It seems I didn't need to worry, though. Even without his jacket his scent is wrapped around you. I can barely tell where he ends and you begin..." he looked away from her. "I'm not happy to step back. But I know you're safe. And that's what truly matters."

Then he was lifting himself through the open door, preventing most of the newly shifted snow from falling in.

"Thank you, Chat," Marinette whispered to him. Well aware he would hear her.

"Always, M'Lady," and then the door closed softly. She couldn't hear him leap from her balcony or roof. But she hadn't been able to hear him for a long time.

It took awhile after he left, for her mind to settle. To absorb everything from the last day or two. Things had changed. Perhaps they had already changed, and she had yet to notice them. But things had definitely shifted. And even though her heart ached from the words that had been said between her and Chat- they were merely things that had not been voiced yet.

The room had finally warmed to a sweltering level, and sleep tugged at her once more. Marinette settled into her bed, shifting beneath the covers until she was thoroughly bundled. Cradled as if she wasn't alone.

She felt alone though. A feeling she hadn't recognized she felt, until the space beside her had been filled, and was now empty again. His smell was strong beneath the covers with her, breathing him in and out within the cocoon. She craved the feel of him, once more.

The teenager he had once been, had always been strong, resilient. Skilled at making any situation feel natural. He had held and cuddled her even when she had pushed them all away, in her stress. But it had never felt forced to ease into his side, drift off against his shoulder. His gentle touches and brushed fingers as he exchanged things with her. It had always been natural. Normal. Second nature.

He pushed and pulled her in a dance she hadn't realized she was waltzing in. So focused on the fire around her, never realizing his steadying presence. A presence that he maintained into adulthood. There had been moments when he had pulled away from her. She had felt them distinctly. The lack of connection was noticed. But he always drifted back. Whether of his own accord or a string she subconsciously tugged him with. A rhythm that beat between them seamlessly, even when the harmony of Ladybug and Chat Noir drowned things out, by pure force alone- he was there.

A quiet spark protected in a glass deep within her. Hidden behind that fortress she had built to keep everyone out. She had tucked it in there, close to her heart, but out of sight. Never allowing it to bring him harm.

But he *knew* now.

Had always known.

And she wanted to bring that small spark back to life, just to discover it was already a flame. A flickering flame within it's own gilded lantern.

Marinette offered small bits of kindling to the flame. Wanting it to shine, to illuminate the places within her, that were *her*. That were *Marinette* and not Ladybug. Not the Guardian.

But the whole of who and what she was now. All parts of her.

She wanted to cling to that flame and watch it thaw all the places the winters of her life had frozen over.

Chapters 1-20 can be found on AO3 :)

[turnupswritessometimes]

The One With the Zombies - AshEiji - Ch15

Title: The One With the Zombies

Chapter: 15

Word Count: 5163

Description:  Another what it says on the tin from me - it’s a Zombie Apocalypse AU because how else could this anime/manga get any darker? Whilst on the run from the outbreak of zombies, reporters Ibe and Eiji stumble across a New York street gang, safely huddled in an abandoned warehouse. As if the undead weren’t surprising enough, Eiji finds himself becoming closer and closer to the gang’s leader, mysteriously dubbed Ash Lynx. But safety doesn’t last forever and soon it’s only Ash and Eiji. And they’re up against more than just zombies.

Note: This is available on A03, and I would recommend you follow it there, as I remember to update it. I would post a link, but then Tumblr wouldn’t include it in search results.

It didn’t suit Ash. The cheap suit that was too wide everywhere and made him look like he was borrowing Max’s. Which of course, he was, but no one was supposed to know that.

Ash had leant against the doorframe to the bathroom, fastening the tie and fixing Eiji a smirk that, despite the black nylon, made him duck his head to hide his smile.  

Max and Ibe had scraped enough money to move them out of a hotel and into a cramped apartment. They’d played on the refugee part, and continued to act the part of their parents. They were a refugee family – and a gay refugee family, at that.

It wasn’t great, but it was something. It was home.

“Do you think I could get a license to kill like this?” Ash asked, pushing his hair off of his face, even though he was meant to leave it down and fluffy. The goal was to look as young as possible. The younger the boy, the more sympathy they’d gain. It didn’t stop Ash from winking at Eiji.

“Do you want to know what I think?” Eiji was still smiling, his face still burning because – damn, he loved that boy. He loved looking at that boy and seeing him wink and feeling butterflies still fluttering up a tornado in his stomach.

“Yeah.”

Eiji put on his best American accent, “I think if I had one day when I didn’t have to be all confused and I didn’t have to feel that I was ashamed of everything. If I felt that I belonged someplace. You know?”

Ash tried to scowl at him. It didn’t quite work. He was grinning too much to really look angry.

“You’re a real yo-yo.” He said.

“I love you too.”

Ash had laughed and closed the bathroom door to change again. Later, Eiji wondered if he should have stood, left his book on the bed and taken Ash’s tie in his hand. If he should have been the one to change Ash out of that suit.

If Ash would even let him.

But it was the end of the suits. They gave way to pastel button ups and woollen pullovers that made Ash look like Eiji did when he was first in the city. Or, that he should go to a private boarding school. That he spent the weekends playing golf and laughing at a country club, rather than organising a gang and shooting up zombies. They made him look like Max’s son.

There was an argument about that.

“You came into the country as Aslan Lobo. What will they say if they knew we were lying?” Max had been pacing, his tie undone in his collar and only one shoe off in their hotel room. They were planning to try to sell the story, that afternoon, Eiji knew.

“We also pulled a gun on them. I don’t think the lying part will be the problem,” Ash snapped. He sat, one leg up on the bed and his arms hooking around Eiji so that he fell against him. He felt like a human shield, with Ash’s chin on the top of his head.

“It makes a better narrative – that I’ve been trying to find you all these years and now we finally know-“

“You were trying to find me because you let my brother get bitten by a zombie!” Ash was spitting like a wildcat. Eiji leant back, wrapping himself tighter in Ash as if that would appease him. There was something unspoken in that statement. A desperation for the guilt to shift. “You found us by sheer luck.”

“It’s my story!”

Eiji felt Ash stiffen around him. Or maybe he was the one that froze. They all had. It took a moment for Max to run a hand over his mouth and chin. Dark eyes flickered  to Ash.

“I didn’t mean that,” Max said, quickly.

“It’s fine.” Ash was just as quick.

“No – Ash, I’m sorry.”

“Max.” His arms were too tight around Eiji. It hurt but he hardly dared breathe. “You’re right. This is the scoop you’ve been waiting for. I’ll follow you.”

Max gave him another glance. Then breathed heavily through his nose and stared out of the window.

“Go by whatever you want.”

For a moment, Eiji wondered if Ash had planned the whole thing that way.

“I want him to know it’s me. Without a doubt that I’m the one bringing him down.”

“Hey.” There was a gleam in Max’s eye. “I said I’d let you choose your name, not take all the glory.”

And Ash’s arms relaxed. He almost laughed – Eiji could feel it in the chest behind him – a bubble trying to escape but not quite rising enough.

“Oh, don’t worry, I’ll let you do all the talking.”

“As if you could keep your mouth shut long enough.” Max was grinning, as if the whole argument hadn’t happened. The two always seemed to switch back and forth so fast that it gave Eiji whiplash. And suddenly Ash was standing – they were leaving, because an office slightly uptown was going to hear Max’s story and that gave Eiji butterflies in his stomach. Over the last few days, Ash had been completely absorbed, rechecking facts and figures and going over law books late into the night. Sometimes he was still reading when Eiji woke up in the morning from the sunlight streaming in through their window. It was starting to come through later now, the pounding sun starting to bow down to wind as September started. Ash was obsessed with this case. Obsessed with making it sting as much as he could.

So if they got there and they were turned away…

Eiji didn’t think he could deal with the fallout.

Ash kissed the top of his head, and as he looked up, his lips too. “Will you be okay here on your own, sweetie?”

“Who said I would be here? Or alone?” Eiji smiled, and the fact that he had clearly caught Ash out made him smile wider. “Maybe I’m going out with Soo-Ling.”

Ash blinked. “Are you? Out with Soo-Ling?”

“No.” Eiji was still smiling, as he kissed Ash. “I’m going to the library – I want to Skype my family. Make sure they know I’m alright.”

“And are you going to tell them about your boyfriend?” Ash was curling his fingers in the hair around Eiji’s ear, one knee still on the bed so that he was above him.

“My boyfriend?” It was easier to tease Ash than to hesitate. To think about how he had no idea how he was going to tell his parents. There was a zombie apocalypse. And he was gay. And dating a gang leader. These things may all be linked, he wasn’t sure.

“Your boyfriend.” Ash’s fingers curled tight in his hair, and he leant forward, tilting his head in the way he did when he was going to give Eiji one of those heart-melting kisses.

But he was abruptly pulled away by the scruff of his collar.

“Come on, Romeo. We’re going to be late.”

“I prefer to think of myself as Mercutio.” Ash still had hold of Eiji’s hand, and he brought it to his lips. Eiji supposed he was giggling and blushing like a fair maid in some romantic poem. “Ah, then, I see, Queen Mab, hath been with you-“

“I thought we agreed no romantic crap in front of me.”

“The Queen Mab speech is not romantic.”

“I meant the kissing and stuff.”

“You’re just cranky because your wife divorced you!”

Eiji could hear them bickering all the way down the hallway and found himself smiling. His chest felt fuzzy – like when he was home. Sitting together in the living room or celebrating a birthday. This felt like his family.

So it was weird to sit and see his mother’s face peering into the camera. (Too close. She was sat too close.) And his sister pushing her out of the way and grinning at him. Grinning and crying. Grinning and sobbing tears of relief and joy because –

“You’re okay – you’re really okay! I can’t believe – you’re okay!”

“I’m okay.” Eiji could only smile. Smile and think that she looked young. Very young. “I’m alive.”

There was a babble of Japanese coming out of the computer screen at him and it took his ear a moment to tune into it. That made his stomach flicker with nerves. But it was just a moment, before it was back and he could try to speak over his sister, who was speaking over his mother, who was speaking over his father.

“You don’t look any different!” They were saying – was the gist of it. That surprised him.

When they had first arrived at the hotel he had caught sight of his reflection in the mirror and almost hadn’t recognised himself. He’d lost weight – lots of it – it wasn’t just that the t-shirts were baggy. His hips jutted out alarmingly and he could see his ribs. His hair was a mess – curling around itself like it was trying to turn itself into a thorn bush – and he had needed a good shave.

But it was the eyes that scared him. There was something feral in them. A glint of a wild boy. A boy who had killed zombies time and time again because he had to survive. The kind of boy that pulled a gun on customs officers.

He didn’t look the same.

And they wanted to know everything of course. Wanted to know everything that had happened to him. He hesitated over his story, over the many parts of it that he didn’t want them to know. He didn’t want them to know he had chain sawed a zombie in half and quoted an eighties movie. He didn’t want them to know what he’d let his best friend do to keep him safe. He didn’t want them to know hardly any of it. He didn’t know how to tell them he was gay.

Why was that the scariest bit?

Just be glad I’m alive. Just be glad I’m alive, he wanted to say.

“So this Ash Lynx must be your best friend, no, huh?” his sister asked after an increasingly sanitised version of events.

Ashu Rinks. He could hear the way she said it.

He found himself smiling, trying to find the way to say it. To make the words on his tongue materialise into the air.

But his mom was interrupting him. Asking him a million questions about where he was staying, and was Ibe alright and what was the plan now?

What was the plan now?

He woke up when Ash wasn’t sleeping next to him. That was the only thing he could focus on.  The plan was to stick to Ash. No matter what. He wasn’t sure how to say that to him. Instead, he focused on the court stuff. Said that Ibe was heavily involved in bringing someone who had killed their friend down and that he wanted to stay there until it was over.

Eiji said he’d keep them updated, because he wasn’t sure how to say he didn’t plan to come back home.

*

Eiji started working part time in a café. He said it was because he was bored – that he was putting the money away to save for an apartment in the city – or maybe out of the city – somewhere. Somewhere with Ash. That future made his stomach flip and tumble like a salmon leaping upstream.

But for now, Eiji worked in a café, and came home smelling of coffee. And Ash relished in coming in and burying his nose into Eiji’s hair just to catch a whiff of it. Coffee and sweat from running around in the heat. That made him think of the early days of the Summer. Of the warehouse and standing outside in silence because neither of them knew what to say to each other – only that they needed to be next to each other.  For some reason it made Ash nostalgic. He missed those days. There was something simple about it – he was just a gang leader. A gang leader trapped by his past and with a bloody future ahead of him. But also a happy future. And maybe that was worth the blood.

“You smell like cigarettes.” Eiji mumbled. He wrapped his arms up and around Ash’s neck. Tired. Ash had the same aches – in the small of his back and his legs. They were so tired now.

“They published the story.” It was all he had to say for Eiji to bolt upright, to turn and take Ash’s hands in his. His eyes were glinting. “There was immediate backlash.”

“He’s going to court.” It wasn’t even a question.

“Tomorrow. Tomorrow it starts.”

“Oh, sweetie.”

Ash kissed Eiji then. Kissed him just to feel something because his face had been numb and tingling since the news, and Eiji was warm. Eiji tasted like coffee and he needed more of that, his arms wrapping around him and pulling him as close as he could. Eiji was relenting, letting him take as much as he needed. It worked both ways. In the middle of the night when Eiji would wake up in a cold sweat Ash would let him close. Would let him run his fingers over as much of Ash as he needed to, even if it made his heart panic in the dark. It was so easy for Eiji’s fingers to turn into someone else’s.

“I don’t know.” Ash said. “I don’t know if I can do this.”

“I can go with you.” Eiji’s fingers trailed down Ash’s jumper and he loved that. He loved being touched as if he was worth something.

“You won’t be able to get it off work.”

Eiji repeated. “I can go with you.”

And Ash opened his mouth to say ‘yes, of course – please.’ His eyes were closed and his mouth was over Eiji’s. He wanted to say please – please, he couldn’t do this alone. And yet, when he closed his eyes all he could see was that face across the courtroom. Ice cold blue eyes. It was disturbing, how clearly he could see every line and twitch of him.

And how clearly he could see Eiji’s face when he had found out about it all. It had been almost worse than if he had been disgusted by Ash. There had just been so much sadness there – such deep and utter heartbreak.

Ash couldn’t make Eiji sit through it. Not for himself. He wasn’t worth it.

“No,” he said. “I’ll be fine.”

“Really?” Eiji’s lips traced his jaw, and Ash could feel a whine forming in the back of his throat. Like a dog – a trained dog, Golzine would say. And Eiji hadn’t even meant it to be teasing – he was just too lazy to pull away and that was where his mouth had been.

His stomach clenched. He had thought it was pressed down – all pressed down so far that there was no way of him ever getting those memories back again. Ash had thought, after a month with Eiji – just Eiji being Eiji – that he’d be fine.

He made a sound in the back of his throat that sounded like assent. But his hands were hovering over Eiji’s waist and he knew he had gone stiff. Was holding his breath and barely breathing.

And of course, it didn’t go unnoticed.

“Are you alright?”

Ash made another sound, catching the back of Eiji’s head with one hand and burying his nose and mouth into it. Breathe – he needed to breathe – to smell the coffee.

“Ash?” Eiji pressed, chasing creases along Ash’s jumper with his fingers.

“I don’t –“ he knew he was probably holding Eiji’s head too tightly. But it was a lifeline, it was a way on proving to himself that this was all real. This was his life. His life was good now and he needed to move on. “I don’t know how to talk about it.”

“Do you think-“ Eiji’s fingers spread the jumper back out again. “Do you think – would it be best to talk to a –“

Ash could guess what was coming, and he felt himself stiffen. “Therapist?”

“I just…” Eiji trailed off. He eased himself out of Ash’s grip, so that he could look him in the eye. “I don’t know how to make this better.”

“It’s fine.” His stomach was clenched so tightly that it made him feel sick. “You’re fine, just being here and being you-“

“I was going to go,” Eiji said. He didn’t look Ash in the eye. Instead, he hooked his fingers through Ash’s belt loops absentmindedly. Ash put his hands over the top, peeing Eiji’s touch away like he was a clingy toddler. “We’ve been through – it’s been – scary.”

“I can go with you.”

“You can,” Eiji smiled, glancing up at him from under his lashes. “But you’ll have to wait outside.”

“Huh?”

“Maybe I’m going to talk about things I don’t want you knowing.”

“Like how much you love me?” Ash asked. He tucked a strand of hair behind Eiji’s ear and Eiji leant into the touch. He was trying to make his body go back to normal – to go back to being soft, instead of feeling stiff. It felt like he was a puppet on a string. The feeling was too similar to turning up at Golzine’s mansion with Eiji on his back.

“No,” Eiji said, softly. “I’d always tell you that.”

Ash kissed him then, because if he didn’t kiss him, he would cry. Because Eiji was too sweet, too genuine and too good to ever be with Ash. It felt like he’d dragged this boy down into blood with him.

He’d dragged Eiji down as far as him wanting to go to therapy.

“Will you think about it?” Eiji asked. His eyes were barely open and he was smiling lazily. He was gorgeous.

“Yeah. I’ll think about it.” There was no way. No way he was letting anyone pick around inside his brain and figure out just how messed up he was. No way he was going to become the case of a lifetime for some random grown up who’d gone to school way too long.

No way was Ash Lynx going to therapy.

*

Max thought it was a good idea.

Ash had grumbled it to him in the back of the uber they were taking to the courtroom. It had been easier to talk about something – anything, than sit in silence.

“Probably sensible. We can’t all act like characters on the Walking Dead.”

The suit was itchy and a size too big. He’d rolled up the sleeves like a child and now he unfolded them again, scowling.

“The zombie apocalypse was a walk in the park.”

“Not for most people.” Max leant back. He was flipping through his notebook and his hands were shaking slightly. It might have been nerves, but it was more likely to be the five coffees he’d had this morning having a side effect. “Eiji’s just worried about you. He doesn’t know the best way to help you recover.”

Ash sighed. He caught sight of the clock on the car dashboard. An hour and a half. An hour and a half before he would be sat down in the courtroom. Expected to give evidence and testify and try to bring down a Godzilla of capitalism.

And to top it all off, Max was right. He knew what Blanca would have said if he was here. That Eiji couldn’t fix him and he should stop expecting that of him. Should stop expecting Eiji to know how to deal with his menagerie of issues.

“None of this has been fair on him,” he muttered. His palms were damp. He was too hot – travel sick – needed to get out of this damn car and run –

And keep running.

“So, do it for Eiji.” Max said. He was fiddling with his cigarette pack, thumbing the lid on and off. The driver gave him a warning look.

“Fuck you, Lobo.”

“What was that?” Max cupped a hand to his ear, but he had a smirk on his face. “Thank you, Max? Thank you for always giving me good advice, even if I don’t listen and take you for granted.”

“Fuck. You.”

But Max was smiling at him. A smile that made his brown eyes twinkle and the lines around them deepen. Like a dad. It made something in Ash twinge mournfully.

“It’s good to see your nerves haven’t gotten to your attitude,” Max said.

“I’m never nervous.”

“Good.”

They were stopping, even though they were nowhere near the courthouse. A look outside the window showed a crowd of people. Citizens and journalists and photographers. Their cameras were already flashing and Ash had to turn his face away. A sea – a sea of people all clamouring about them and the case and pictures – flash – flash – flash –

He was holding his breath without meaning to. Forced himself to swallow air and meet Max’s heavy gaze.

“Good.” Max repeated. “Because I’m just about shitting myself.”

*

Pictures. There were pictures of Ash on the front of every newspaper, and most of them were bad. They were mostly glimpses of him, from behind Max. His head ducked, or the hood of his coat up, sunglasses covering his face.

Not the face. Ash had said that, when the others had gotten hold of Eiji’s camera and were mucking around with the remaining battery. He hadn’t known enough English to ask them to stop, but he also hadn’t minded that much. What was he going to take pictures of anyway? Zombies didn’t pose.

They had turned the lens to Ash and he had scowled, sticking his palm out to block out the image.

“Not the face.”

It was only when Ash had explained – had told Eiji the whole story that he understood. There was a reason Ash hated having his photo taken. So, this must have been torture. Even more torture than it already was.

But at least they weren’t allowed to film in the courthouse. A small blessing, even if almost every word was in one newspaper or the other.

Ash had taken to leaving early – way earlier than he needed to be at the courthouse, to avoid most of the reporters. So that he could slip in the back entrance with Max. He’d sneak away the moment he could – before the cameras were ready, so that he had a few seconds head start.

He’d come back late – though it got dark so early now that night seemed to last a day in itself, and fill Eiji in. As though he hadn’t been checking the news on his phone at work for any kind of update. The case was at a stand-still. Golzine’s money was starting to trickle through the cracks, slowing down any progress and verdict. It was Ash and Max that were pushing – and pushing hard. There were campaigns online for justice, but it didn’t seem to be having any effect.

The virus had spread down to Mexico and was seeping into South America. The Northern borders were contained and the official line was to wait. All transport in or out had ceased, as had any movement between the borders. Wait, was the official line. Wait for the bodies to decompose. Most in the south had already stopped becoming a threat, the zombies had gone without food in such a dry climate for so long that they had decomposed entirely. It could take four more months for the rest to do the same. No one knew what they would do afterwards – if the soil would be forever tainted by the living dead or not.

And Eiji had started going to a support group, on the recommendation of the evaluation a therapist gave him. He didn’t require intense treatment, the therapist had said – Eiji suspected it was more his empty wallet that led him there.

But it was helping. He was having less recurring memories of decaying faces and yellow eyes. He was picking up techniques to calm himself down when the images and sounds started to replay in his head. And because of that, he was able to help Ash better.

His nightmares had gotten worse. He’d wake up soaked in sweat, shivering, but too hot – much too hot. His eyes wouldn’t even focus on Eiji when he switched on the light and told Ash that it was “okay. They were here, in Toronto. Eiji was here. It was okay.”

It was too much, Eiji knew. This was too much of a strain on him, but Goddammit if Ash wasn’t going to win this case.

Ash was the one who made use of the therapist. Though that wasn’t simple, either. There was a leak in the building – the reporters knew where Ash was staying and where he was going to therapy. He left the apartment by the fire escape, looking like an undercover celebrity – in huge hoodies and shades with his blonde hair hidden. They all wanted his story, his thoughts on how the case was going and what he wanted to do – why he wanted to do it. Ash hadn’t said a word to any of them and told Eiji not to, either.

“They’re not going to want to talk to me.” Eiji had said, leaning back against Ash as he read. They had to keep the curtains closed all the time now.

But he had been wrong. He had stepped out in his barista uniform to go to work and had found lights flashing at him like fireworks, blinding him so he could hardly see straight.

“What’s your relationship with Ash Lynx?”

“How long have you known Ash Lynx?”

“Were you involved with Golzine’s sex trafficking?”

He would have stayed there, blinking at them like a stunned rabbit in the middle of the road, if Soo-Ling hadn’t been roller skating by. Within an instant, he was at Eiji’s side, and tugging him down the street.

“Hey, lay off, would ya? Go find a real story instead of bothering people!” he had snapped, and made a few rude gestures.

The questions turned to him, asking who he was and who Eiji was and honestly it seemed like they were all a hivemind. A bunch of brainwashed zombies themselves, after any scrap of exclusive material for their magazines.

“I’m the kid that’ll punch your lenses out – and I’m not fussy about which ones.” Soo-Ling stuck his tongue out at them, and kept skating alongside Eiji, keeping a hand on his elbow to keep him walking fast.

It was after that, Soo-Ling’s gang would lurk around the apartment and chase off as many reporters as they could. As soon as Yut Lung got wind of it all, his guys joined in. The apartment quickly became a hive for gang members to lounge about in, some of them creating fake leads for the reporters to follow.

Of course, Eiji’s photo had appeared in the paper – of him staring wide eyed at the cameras alongside a long piece about exactly if he and Ash were together or not. Ash had thought the photo was cute. Eiji had wrestled it out of Ash’s hands, so Ash had leapt on Eiji, fingers reaching for the newspaper clipping.

They had wrestled on the bed over it, elbows and knees jabbing at each other. Ash took advantage of how ticklish Eiji was and eventually got the upper hand, pinning him to the duvet. Eiji had been laughing, the paper crumpled up in one hand, until he noticed the way Ash was looking at him. He’d caught that look before. As if Eiji was made of light. As if he was something delicate that couldn’t be handled too roughly. A look of pure adoration that made Eiji feel as though he was full of hot, bubbly cider.

“I love you,” he said.

“I love you too.” Ash’s voice was a murmur.

It was a collective realisation that Ash was straddling Eiji’s lap. That his hands were pinning Eiji’s wrists to the messy duvet and that there was something crackling in the air. It was like a storm was brewing in the room and Eiji needed Ash to move – he had to get off because it was too much. Ash’s hair flopping down like that, and the smell of cigarettes on his skin – and that look was just too much.

“Let’s have…” Ash held the word in his mouth for way too long, letting the electricity continue to spark in the air and Eiji’s stomach hurt. “Sex. Let’s do it soon.”

He might as well have punched Eiji in the gut. But he managed to nod. To swallow and nod.

“Now?” he whispered.

Ash didn’t reply. His fingers trailed down Eiji’s arms, ghost, tracing their way down his sides and onto his hips. Slow – so slow, and Eiji was holding his breath when Ash finally reached the waistband of his jeans.

He was watching Eiji with cat’s eyes. More interested than anything else. Eiji just hoped that he didn’t look as warm as he felt. That he wasn’t literally falling apart in front of Ash just because the word ‘sex’ had been said.

Ash popped open the button of his jeans. Slid the zip down, and paused. He swallowed. Closed his eyes for a couple of seconds and took a shaky breath.

Eiji put his hands over Ash’s.

“Maybe not now,” he muttered, because he could barely think straight but he had to be there – had to be there for Ash.

“No, I can –“

“Ash.” Eiji took a breath that rattled his frame. He felt Ash’s fingers twitch underneath his. He’d never felt like quite like this. Not with Ash. Not such a need. “You think I can’t see how uncomfortable you are?”

“You think I can’t see how turned on you are?” Ash replied. His fingers curled underneath Eiji’s waistband. They froze again.

“Stop.” Everything in Eiji was telling him not to say those words. To be a little selfish and get what he wanted. But that was how everyone else in Ash’s life had been, and, fuck, he wasn’t going to add to it. “Sweetie, stop.”

Eiji hauled himself onto his elbows. He was still holding the scrap of newspaper, he realised.

“Not today,” he whispered.

Ash nodded, and swung off of him, sitting on the edge of the bed and running his hands through his hair.

“It’s okay,” Eiji said, and tried to smile. “It’s okay. We’ll get there.”

Ash nodded. But then his back started shaking and he half turned to Eiji, a grin on his face.

“Do you think I should mention this in therapy?” he asked, a Cheshire cat grin on his face.

“No! Ash!”

And Eiji threw a pillow as hard as he could.

But he was laughing too.