#and later im revisiting the professional!!!!

[knightyoomyoui]

If I Never See Your Face Again [+18] (COMMISSIONED)

ft. TWICE's Nayeon (x Male Reader and other TWICE members)

TYPE: Fluff, Angst, Smut

WORD COUNT: 10650

REQUESTED/ORDERED BY: @vl-45

TAGS: manipulation, betrayal, one-time fling, rejection, foursome, threesome, drunk sex, casual sex

NOTE: Pardon if the ending felt rushed or lacking, my brain kind of got challenged as I ran out of words to generate and creatively emphasize the situation further so I let it be simpler.

DONATE OR REQUEST FOR COMMISSION HERE: https://ko-fi.com/knightyoomyoui

DESCRIPTION: YN and Nayeon were classmates back in high school. Two different personalities, Nayeon is a bully who orders YN for her own benefit through his attribute of having an exceptional intelligence and social awkwardness with people. 15 years later, they met again unexpectedly, got introduced to their improvements over their lives. As they try to move forward from their horrible past, a turn of events pushes them to revisit and realize their regrets.

===ooo===

ACT 1

15 YEARS AGO

YN is a young, brilliant mind in the class. Coming from parents who were both masters in their respective degrees and are now professionals, he sure did inherit intelligence since birth. A proud product of the engineering course, YN is said to be one of the best students to ever step on their campus.

Due to his excellence in academics, especially in the subjects that are highly related and are a must for taking in the future, YN was always the number one contender, being chosen by his profs to be a representative in various quiz bees. As expected, most of the contests he’s been at, he dominated them all. He surely does personify what their course should act upon whenever they represent it against the rest.

YN is love is profs but also by intelligence, but also on how well-mannered the youngster is. However, they cannot be compared in similarity to his classmates and the rest of the students around him on the campus despite good characteristics. Among them, there’s a specific person who doesn’t show any appreciation for all the qualities he has that make their school famous.

He was running in the hallway in panic that he even bumpedpintontoher students coming in his way. He’s apologetic, but he never never minded irritated looks of the others at him because he has no other time to be concerneaboutaboutout them. Right now, there’s one thing that he needs to accomplish importantly.

He accidentally dropped some of the books and notebo wass he wasas carrying in his arm, making some of the students look at him either hilariouslyembarrassingly. gly. Picking them up real quick, he headed quickly to the said spot in the open ground. There, he saw those familiar people was waas scheduled to mee.

Three of the meanest girls he’s ever met,, met, onlonon this campus but in his entire life. Led by the leader of the group, the narcissistic, egotistical maniac named Im Nayeon,,, as from what he can describe about her. She was sitting prettily alongside her sidekicks, the cousins Kim Jennie and Kim Yerim. She was looking away with the portable mini fainin her hand blowing on on on her face when Jennie spotted him approaching from the distance.

“Look who sup,ed up,” Yeri said with a grin as she lookeddd at him catching his breath. “And it seems that our boy here is living up to his word aexpected,d,” she said as she looked at the notebooks he’s holding.

Nayeon glances at him with her sharp eyes. “As he should, but that doesn’t give you the pass to be late,” she blurted. “We’ve been waiting for like 10 minutes here, and gosh,,, it’s so hot ihere! e! ”

“I’m so sorry. My alarm clock didn’t ring early, so I didn’t have that much time to prepare,” he excused.

“Is this what a role model should be? Smart but irresponsible?” Jennie said, wheezing.

“Did you do our assignments?” Nayeon stood up from her seat and crossed her arms.

“Y-yes. I did it last night.”

“Good. Give us our notebooks.” And he did.

“Now get out of our sight; class is about to start.” 

“Uhm… can I ask something first?”

Nayeon groaned. “Ugh, what is it?”

“My b-brother got sick, and he got rushed to the hospital. My mom is taking care of him, but she also needs my help because she’ll be out looking for some assistance for my brother’s medical bills. That’s why I w-want to ask if it’s fine that I can’t be making your assignments for now; I’m afraid I may not have much time b-because I have to go to the hospital always right after our class,” he said with caution.

Nayeon snickered and seethed teeth. “And if I say no, what is it going to be?”

“Nayeon, please. I have to attend for my brother first; it’s just going to be for a while—”

“Wait, stop right there for a second.” Jennie paused him. “What makes you think for a second that we would agree to your excuse?”

“Haha right, we don’t even care about you. What more from your family as well, when all of you are just plain pathetic?” Yeri laughs.

“Don’t you also forget that our finals are about to come next week? What are we going to score on our exams if you don’t teach us?” Nayeonnn added.

“B-but…”

“Hep. We have an agreement, remember?”

He gulped nervously.

“You’ll come for us when we say we need you to. You know what happens if you break our deal, right?” Nayeon closes her hand to a fist in front of him. “Do you want to lose everything you worked hard for now?”

“N-no…” He shook his head.

“Attaboy.” Nayeon patted him. “Then we’re settled. About your brother, just think of other ways or whatever. Let’s end this here; I don’t want my beautiful mood to be ruined this early.” She said with sass, chuckling as they left his side to head through their classroom.

He just sighed and looked back at them with a frown. He really wanted to look after his brother first, but he also didn't want to test Nayeon and the power of her family’s status that would cost his dreams to disappear. Without having any choice, he had to think of another strategy to balance his attention to both.

Having a lot of knowledge stored in your bright brain is nothing if your own self isn’t as rich and healthy to sustain your characteristics. Through the natural occurrences of him having to endure Nayeon and her gang’s abuse along with his personal struggles, he then began to develop damage in every aspect of his well-being that caused him to worsen his introverted personality, lose track of his academic performance, and become traumatized with other people.

The professors were shocked by the sudden change in his performance. If only they knew the reason, they would’ve exposed Nayeon in a heartbeat. He couldn’t do it on his own or even through other people since his nerdy and shy demeanor rather cost him the opportunity to gain friends, and he won’t plan to risk the idea either, as he knows he’ll face the consequences in the hands of those three bullies of his.

But one day, in an unexpected occurrence, the entire organization, the instructors, and his classmates were then informed that he had decided to stop his studies for now. The reason is not detailed yet; it says that it's related to personal matters. Nayeon was surprised and agitated at the same time, knowing that the nerd they were holding captive just sneakily abandoned them and let them all alone now to continue by searching for a new victim.

ACT 2

15 YEARS LATER

In the midst of a chilly Wednesday morning, YN heads out to one of Seoul’s famous parks for some cooldown. He just got done working out at one of his friend’s gyms down the street, and now he’s exhausted from a usual 2-hour exercise he’s been doing. From the other’s perspective, especially the women’s, the results it applies to his current physique are undoubtedly impressive.

It was unknown to him that one of those would be someone he’s highly familiar with that he hooked the attention of. YN spotted some burger shack and ordered some. He took a vacant bench, sat, and unwrapped his food, not noticing that somebody just turned her head at him and was tracing him at first until both her eyes and mouth widened in surprise.

Nayeon was playing with her dog on her lap when she roamed her eyes around the surroundings. It paused when it detected a large man with muscles, one hundred percent clear in the daylight due to the white sando he was wearing. 

She was fixated on his body due to her ideal type with men, which this man seemingly possesses.It was until her gaze landed on his side profile. She squinted at first when a familiar face reminded her of when she looked at him. “No way. It’s not him, tch.” She shook her head.

She tried to lean away but her curiosity had her checking again for clarification. As he sat sideways, facing at her. That’s when her instant expression emerged.

“Impossible.” She remarked. “Is that…”

She stood up and picked up her dog. Walking towards him, her footsteps distracted him from his peaceful vibe. When a shadow covered his area, he looked up and squinted his eyes to look focusedly at this random stranger.

“Uhm can I help you?”

“I don’t know if I’m correct but… is your name YN LN?” 

YN stared at her face, and suddenly some flashbacks of that one particular person came into his mind. “N-Nayeon?” He said, stuttering. 

“It’s been a long time no see, old friend.” She smirked and traced his bewildered state. That voice ended his memory recall to remember who this woman is. However, that shock replaced with an unnerving feeling he hadn’t felt in a while for a person.

“You sure do still remember me.” She chuckled.

He stood up and immediately grabbed his bitten burger, his fear activating his actions. “I-I’m sorry, I have to go-”

Nayeon gripped his arm, which made him tremble. “Hey, wait. If you think I’m here to make fun of you or whatever, that’s not what I came for,” she said, which made him prove that his reaction to her is obvious and embarrassing.

He just stopped and stared at her as she held him in restriction. “I just want to come up and meet you; well, it’s been rare for me to see another ex-classmate from high school other than Yeri and Jennie.” She grinned. “I swear, I just want to catch up with you, but… do you really have something else to do now?”

Her awareness and calm demeanor are so strange for YN. This is not the same Nayeon he used to know back then. That type he used to be forced to deal with was way worse and the complete opposite of this version of her he’s talking with today.

“N-not that much, actually.” He shyly said.

“It can wait, come on. It’s been nice to see you, YN. Can we talk for a moment if you like?” She smiled at him. He is just speechless as he watches and listens to the way she converse at him. It had him now question her in his mind, did Nayeon’s personality changed over the years?

YN only nodded and Nayeon replied with “Great! Come on, let’s take a seat.” He joined her side and as they did, her dog suddenly switches to his lap.

“He likes you already huh.” She giggled at she watches her dog rub himself on YN’s lap.

“What’s his name?”

“Kookeu.”

“He’s cute.” He timidly replied as he strokes his fur.

“Are you a dog person?”

“More of a cat but dogs will do, especially if something as cute as this.”

“Yeah, you’re right.” Nayeon chuckled. “How you’ve been doing after all these times, by the way?”

“Great.” He smiled slightly, he still haven’t doing any eye contact with her and Nayeon is starting to feel the awkwardness.

“Ahh. Well, good to know that you do. I mean, I’m the same as well so… yeah.” 

“I know. You’re an idol nowadays, right?”

“You knew?” Nayeon asked.

“Wasn’t that your dream? You’ve been like auditioning and competing in every talent competition for our campus back then. Now, your face was plastered anywhere. I’ve seen a picture of you once hanging in the postlight; it’s for your concert, I guess? ” He said. “And of course I was there because… we’ve been close since.” 

Nayeon understands what he’s referring to. “About our past, I know I’ve been harsh on you, and I’m sorry for all of that.” 

Those words made YN look at her finally. Their eyes were locked against each other; one is serious and one is flabbergasted. He closes his eyes, as all of those memories come back at him, and he can still feel the pain combined through it all.

“Ah… that’s nothing to me now. It’s fine.” He swayed his head and sheepishly laughs.

“Ahh, okay. But well, at least now you can hear it from me personally that I apologize for everything I’ve done to you. I hope that it can finally put you to rest if you were still thinking something about it.”

He lowered his head and sighed. “I’m more focused on the present now. Those were all just a lesson for me to motivate myself to continue to improve myself and never let anybody drag me down.” 

“I can’t keep on being a bad person like I used to when we were studying. I have an image to protect now as an idol,” Nayeon said as she pets Kookeu. “And all of the things that I did before, I just want to set them right by informing you how accountable I am for those.”

She offered her hand and waited for him on what he’s going to do. “So, can we be friends now?”

He wanted to give it a second thought, yet Nayeon had already given him something more evidence to prove that he could now trust her, unlike the first time they met. This is a completely different Nayeon than the one he hated with every fiber of his being. Maybe second chances won’t hurt at all.

After a few more seconds, he accepts Nayeon’s hand and shakes it. “We can.”

“Waahhh, I missed you, YN! ” Nayeon immediately cuddled him. “Speaking of improvements, wow, you really look more buff right now compared to the last time I saw you.” She saw as she looked at his biceps.

“Seems like you found a hobby to do often.”

“Yeah. I thought I can’t keep on being just a nerdy smartpants looking kid as I continue to grow up and mature, you know.” He explained. “It’s time for me to embrace a change, something that will make me feel better. And this… this is what I’m talking about.” He said as he flexes his muscles and slaps its size each which amazes Nayeon more.

“We’re kind of a same page on that one, well except from the fact that I rather do pilates.”  She said. “Anyways, do you have a job these days?”

“I did. I was an engineer”

Nayeon gasped. “Woah? Ofcourse you would be. Congratulations!!!”

“About that though… I just quit days ago.”

“Wait what?” Nayeon’s reaction dropped to perplexion. “Why so?”

“Let’s just say I wasn’t satisfied and I’m unhappy with the amount of money I get in exchange of the type of job I’m entered with. Work environment even, I feel like they don’t believe in me because of… I don’t know. Maybe I’m not really ready yet or I wasn’t meant for this.” He shrugged. “So yeah, I’m a free bird nowadays. But maybe next week I’ll start searching for some available positions from- wait.”

Nayeon hummed and looked at him in confusion when he paused. “Hmm? Is there a problem?”

“Aren’t you an idol? Wasn’t you supposed to wear masks outside? People might disturb you around here for being a celebrity and-”

“Thanks for the concern, YN but my manager is here with me.” Nayeon waved it off. She looked at YN and slowly nodded in approval after his words struck her with regards to something she’s finding for. It made her convinced further that this is the right opportunity to do so, despite she wasn’t a fan of the idea at first.

“And actually that’s a great timing for me to ask you about that… and definitely giving me the answer I’m hoping you’ll say.” Nayeon said. “You don’t need to bother or tire yourself out, I do have something that I can somehow offer you.”

“And that is?”

“Perhaps these are all coincidences but, we’re currently needing a new bodyguard in addition to our staff team in Division 3 of our company. And looking at you right now and what you just said to me about prevention against malicious fans who wanna invade my privacy, well you do quite fitting for the role.” Nayeon checks her out again and nodded in satisfaction.

“Wait, so you’re telling me that you have a job where-”

“You have to protect and guard us whenever we go. And don’t worry about it too much because we have our own vehicles and everything is either from us or the company’s expenses. Literally, that’s all you guys we’ll be doing for us. It’ll be worth it, they’ll pay you twice the overall amount of what you earned in your previous job.”

“And what happened to the previous?”

“He got shifted to another company per the agency’s request. Hence, we are now open for a replacement asap.” Nayeon answered. “Hold on, weren’t you wanted to be an engineer? Why didn’t you take any licensure exam or something?” “I-It’s a long story.” He bitterly said. Nayeon just nodded, respecting how confidential it may have been.

He remained silent. Surely this woman was the root of his struggles back in his high school, mainly because of how he was treated before and taken advantage of with his excellent attributes; a perfect student should be admired by many. After he disappeared from the campus, he felt a huge relief that he was never going to see again, but fate had been playing with him in that moment because he never expected that he would be seeing the person he never wanted to encounter again.

And now it’ll be just like the old times when he’s under her control, that he’ll work for her again. This brings back terrible memories for him, but would he still have to call it like that when this is the new version of Nayeon personally chatting with him for the first time in a long while, who also apologized for his wrongdoings that he never thought would happen? He doesn’t know if he can trust Nayeon, but right now she has something that he needs.

“So, what will your choice be, YN? We can use this also to get along more, you know. Catching up through those lost times and start building our true friendship today. What do you say?”

YN looked at her intently and went down to her hand presented at him. This is either going to be a huge mistake or surprisingly not, but for now what only matters is this job. If Nayeon can change, maybe he can too.

He took the offer, and Nayeon snickered at him and elicited delightful reception. Another person walked upon them and watched them both puzzledly. “Nayeon-ah, who is this?”

“A friend that I met. Also… can we take him tomorrow to the company? I just found someone who can fill our security team.” 

They looked at him who sheepishly smiled in return. Through Nayeon’s perspective, she’s celebrating in success as she constructs a selfish  plan for the man who reminded her about the debt he has for her. Now, it has arrived to this moment for her to make him pay for it. “Finally found you, peasant. Let’s get back to where we left off. I’ll enjoy this reunion with you a lot.” Nayeon spoke within her thoughts while she smugs at him.

ACT 3

A few days later, YN is now employed by JYPE under Division 3, which is where TWICE is under their management. He met with the other managers and interviewed him about his possible contributions to the group. YN, understanding the need to gain trust by being truthful and being very familiar with the nature of his job, answered every question with all ease despite the lingering tension inside of him.

This is all thanks to Nayeon’s assistance in getting him a new job. Sure, he may not be used yet to this new persona she’s wearing with him, but acknowledgment and gratitude for something he cannot ignore should be done. YN swore to Nayeon that he wouldn’t disappoint her and the rest for employing him.

However, he wasn’t aware yet that all of those overwhelming comments he was pouring out for the said woman were just ending up being thrown onto nothing. Whenever she turns around at YN after interacting with him, she lets out this side of her that all thought, probably him as well, disappeared a long time ago but hasn't proved enough that it still remains on her.

Nayeon would just create random sounds to signify that she wasn’t buying all of these words from YN. Since she met him again, that anger and betrayal that she felt for abandoning her before that almost led her academics to collateral damage haven’t washed up yet from her mind and heart. Even though they found somebody to replace, that student couldn’t be as great as YN.

It was a luck that she successfully passed an audition to JYPE for her to achieve a reason for her to be less frequent in the class and avoid getting failed. That’s why whenever she think that if this didn’t happen, all of this fault would be on YN’s regard. Her still lingering hatred for YN reignites in their reunion, and just like usual, she intends to continue the same thing that she thought that YN is made for them to meet: to be under her control.

“That dumb YN. Always was and always will be.” She clicked her tongue as she walked out of the building after she reciprocated YN’s goodbye.

Another obvious requirement as well for YN’s job is to meet the clients he has to give his service for. And he did; Nayeon led the tour for him to officially see in person the rest of the members in their group. He entered their dorm, and there they are, all complete to get to know their newest bodyguard.

Surprisingly, his vibe has been found by the girls to be cute and cool at the same time, which intrigued them to observe him starting from now on. Nayeon would just look at them from the distance weirdly, as she couldn’t believe that the girls were doing just fine being with such a loser like him. 

Brought by a tinge of jealousy and infuriation, Nayeon then had a chat with the girls after YN left. She joined him on the couch, and while they talked about the new guy, Nayeon intervened.

“Don’t let yourselves be soft with that guy.” Nayeon said out of nowhere with deadpanned expression.

“Hmm? What’s with the sour grapes, Nay?” Jeongyeon asked.

“I’m telling you, you don’t wanna be involved with his lame schticks. That guy wasn’t meant to have friends or so. Y’all going to waste your time with him.” 

“How ironic, weren’t you the one who brought him here for us to meet?” Jihyo raised her eyebrow. 

“Exactly, that’s why I want you girls right now that he’s not the one you guys think he is. In simpler words, limit yourselves to be around with him.”

“Wait, we don’t get it. If he cannot be trusted, why suggest him in the crew?” Momo asked. 

“Yeah you’re making him seem to be dangerous or something. Should we be cautious? You’re making us a bit worried, unnie.” Chaeyoung added.

“Don’t be. Just… keep your walls still when you’re with him. Leave him to me, I’ll handle him. Or else, you guys may end up the same as me.” 

They all looked at each other with confusion. “What happened to you two?” Sana questioned.

“Let’s just say he did something that left me struggling, after I chose to trust him to aid me whenever I was in need. That’s why that traitor isn’t capable to gain friends because he can’t keep them around with his disloyalty.”

“Hey, if you can’t continue then it’s fine.” Jihyo said to comfort their oldest sister. “That’s enough for now. Thanks for giving us a hint atleast that YN is someone we might not think he is.” 

“Yeah, we’ll be careful unnie.” Tzuyu assured.

Nayeon felt relieved that her friends sided with her. She’s determined that she’ll do anything to keep his distance from the girls and let them be stolen away, as he did to her back when they were young.

They turned those words into actions. The following days, then more than a week, they’ve gotten slightly colder to him even during work. He never bothered to come up and ask why, as he still remains folded in effect by his introvertedness of coming to approach them by his own. 

He does believe there’s a boundary between idols like him and regular workers like him; that’s why he knows it’s better to stay like that, unlike Nayeon, who he has to chat along with from time to time with regard to how he’s doing so far in his job. The girls did notice that YN is just okay with what they’re doing and Nayeon is just there to influence them to keep on going.

But, unbeknownst to them, one of them decided to stick with her observations that set her apart a little from the rest. She arranged a meet-up with YN outside, in which the latter had been curious and surprised why she wanted to talk with him.

At the garden of the estate they currently were staying, Mina saw YN just sitting on one of the benches, playing a puzzle on his phone. She walked closer and gently called his name, which had him fixating his posture and attention on her.

“I didn’t know you’re here, Miss Myoui. I’m sorry.”

“Cut the formalities, YN. Mina is fine, please.”

“Ahh, okay. Sorry, Mina.”

“That’s better.” She smiled. “Let’s make this quick, or else others might find us here. I just had to snitch away from our dorm.” She said, pointing her thumb back at the direction of their place.

“Is there anything that you want to say that’s why you bring me here?”

“Yup.” Mina nodded. “Actually, just a tip you may want to consider.”

“That is?”

“Don’t hesitate to be friends with us.” Mina said. “I’ve been noticing that you only are close with Nayeon, and I do also find you interesting as a person, I would like to get you more as well, YN.” Mina invited. 

His face expanded in shock. “B-but Mina, I—okay, you and the girls seem like very great people, but I don’t think I have the confidence to do that. I’m too secluded and don’t have the skills to communicate or simply socialize with others. I’ll be stuck at making friends.” He scratched his nape.

“You’re not alone, YN. I’m introverted just like you. We can hang out more often if you’re looking for someone who matches you.” Mina shrugs. “I just don’t like seeing you looking lost and lonely among others. I know it’s hard, but you have to keep trying. Look at me; I have them because I did. And I want to do the same for you. I got you with this, YN.”

YN felt heart warmed at Mina’s encouragement. “I don’t know; I feel like when I attempt to be near with them, I’m just pushing them away rather because I cannot be with them. That’s why I stay like this, because what others have told me was right about.”

Mina furrowed her forehead. “What do they say to you, YN?”

“I… I can’t. Forget it just-”

“YN, whatever they say about you doesn’t define who you really are. When we’re inclined to explore someone’s personality, it is up for us to discover and not based our perception to other’s judgement or opinions. Understood?”

YN nodded and lowered his head in guilt. Mina felt saddened that now she understands why he is acting like this, so preserved and quiet, a distinction to his appearance. “Believe me, I know the girls barely comes close with you but if you do the favor, trust me they’ll be the best of friends you’ll ever have in your life.” 

“Really?” 

“Yes. And you’ll understand why I love them a lot.” 

He sighed and thought about it for a second. Aside from the hesitations, he mustered up his courage and nodded slowly. “I’ll do it. I hope they let me in.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll be there for you.” Mina presented her palm and pushed it forward to him. Getting the signal, YN smiled and high-fived her.

“Now let’s go back to our places. Get some sleep, sorry again for calling you in midnight.” Mina giggled and YN didn’t mind it. 

Right at that moment, Mina and YN became good friends. Being true to her words as well, Mina is secretly building a bridge between YN and the girls. Ignoring Nayeon’s vengeful complaints against YN, which Mina find a bit irritating, she is motivating YN to continue proving himself to the girls.

It did work, and YN glanced at Mina impressively that the girls were now starting to change their minds about him. His natural personality got the girls to be intrigued again about everything that revolves around him. That became the start of his growing connection with the girls thanks to the help of Mina.

Meanwhile, Nayeon was baffled as to why something just changed about them. Despite her force on making them turn their back on YN, they chose to disobey and retort back at her.

“I don’t get it unnie, he doesn’t look like he’s as worse as you were saying about him to us.”

“YN is just fine. He still looks a bit shy but he’s getting there. Which makes me want to hang out with him more.”

“He’s the exact type of friend I want to be with. Chill, gentle, and shy. That’s what makes him cute though. We still don’t know what he did to you and we don’t know the whole story, but what if that’s not his intention at all, unnie? You know what, maybe you should talk it out with YN.”

Nayeon thought about Dahyun’s suggestion for quite some time. She has no idea that in the middle of the process, the girl’s deepening closeness with YN has reached its breaking point when one night, as Nayeon quickly heads to her room to sleep, still uncomfortable with YN’s presence with the girls, some of the already drunk members become lost in control with their actions.

It also drove YN’s eagerness to emerge with the girls sudden flirts, skinship, and teasing about luscious stuff, which includes the wonders of their bodies. The remaining members who were awake are Sana, Jihyo, and Jeongyeon, while the rest were now lights out from alcohol. The last laugh was let out by Jihyo until she watched drunk Sana kiss YN’s cheek in an instant.

They both locked eyes for a second until Sana brought YN’s head again to hers, in which he submits. Jeongyeon, who is sitting on the side of YN, felt hot at the scene and is in need of this hot guy’s equal attention as well. She brought his hand between her legs, and YN separated his lips from Sana in surprise when he found something wet in his touch.

He gazed at Jeongyeon, who has this needy look on her face. Realizing what she had done, he kissed her as well. Their lips battling as his fingers become active by rubbing her clothed pussy, which had Jeongyeon mix the sounds of their make-out with a moan. 

Sana starts to give pecks around YN’s arms and neck to get some of her own. Jihyo is now turned on by what she’s watching; she removed her pants and reached for her horny slit to give it its own fun. She synchronized it with your movements along Jeongyeon’s.

Sana starts to undo her shirt, revealing her purple bra. YN sensed something fluffy in his arm, her breasts pressing on his skin. He glanced down at it and looked at Sana before kissing her and pinning her on the couch while Jeongyeon removed her own clothing as well to officially join the session and help Jihyo as well.

YN takes off his shirt and throws it elsewhere. Sana bit her lip as she caressed his well-built torso before kissing him again and locking her legs as YN grinds his bulge on her pussy. Meanwhile, Jeongyeon ate Jihyo’s pussy while Jihyo attended to her tits. Both of them were now on pair to help each other out to taste the pleasure they desire.

YN saw what Jeongyeon and Jihyo were doing on the other side, borrowed the idea to pull down Sana’s shorts, and unveiled her soaking wet panties. Pulling it down, he exposed it, and Sana didn’t waste any time to push his head down to her desperate hole. Jihyo and Sana couldn’t contain their moans now as both their partners teamed up to reach their respective climax.

Jeongyeon and YN both got squirted in the face. As they rest for a while, the two who offered oral service went to become busy with one another first. They stood up and let Jihyo and Sana watch them making out in front of them before Jeongyeon kneels and tugs his boxers down.

His cock sprang free from its constraints, Jeongyeon awed at its size, even Sana and Jihyo also. It made their pussies ache in attention, but unfortunately the stunning MILF-looking goddess has the first-class ticket right now to have this experience. Jeongyeon poured kisses along its length, held it from the base, and began stroking it slowly.

She smirks as she watches YN huffing in pleasure. It was until his eyes flicker in lust when he felt Jeongyeon’s mouth around the tip and glides through his girth. His hand guided her head as she proceeded bobbing her head down to his crotch.

As Jeongyeon tried to deepthroat him multiple times, she lets go and coughs a little. Sana and Jihyo pulled him back to the couch. As he sat, all three of them were now kneeling between his lap, and something incredible happened afterwards. 

Sana went to suck on his balls, while Jeongyeon rubs her tongue on the left side of your cock and Jihyo on the other. Their combined service made YN lost in paradise. YN could just lay his head back and sigh in relaxation, feeling all of their talented mouths worshipping his gifted manhood.

He told them he’s cumming and they saw that with the way it twitches. Jeongyeon did the stroking while Jihyo and Sana played each of his testicles. One last shout of curse, and Jeongyeon points his cock at their faces just at the right time for him to erupt with thick cum splattering across their head, nose and anywhere around their face.

They went to grab a scoop and each shoved it down to taste, in which it clearly didn’t disappointed them at all at how they suck it in and swallowed without any problem. Sana sipped an impending drop of cum from the slit of his tip which made it twitch at its ticklish feeling.

The four of them then head on to fuck each others brains out for three hours based on how they read on the clock after they finished. They’ve used every area around the living room to switch positions with YN in which he lets out a performance that the girls were highly impressed about, as it wouldn’t made them even believe that the innocent-looking buff introverted guy like him could move like this while sex.

Jeongyeon was eaten out by Sana in reverse cowgirl while YN stands beside him to have his cock sucked and Jihyo playing with her tits from behind. He then placed her in a mating missionary before splashing his load to her spent body.

Jihyo’s tits were mashes and drilled in accordance to her initiation to fuck YN’s cock using her massive breasts. She was also put 

into standing one-legged in the middle of the carpet with one of her tits being grabbed by his hands while her clit is being stimulated by Jeongyeon.

Sana was pounded and have her tits mauled by YN by being pressed over a wall while Jeongyeon and Jihyo ate one another in a 69 position on the couch. They then joined them afterwards as YN backshots her with her face and mouth swapping on Jeongyeon and Jihyo’s tits. And lastly, YN was laid on the carpet wide open and the girls commanded him to multitask by making them feel good all at once. Sana rode his left hand, her eyes rolling backward at the feeling of his slender fingers wiggling at her walls. Jihyo was moaning and whimpering in awe as she savored YN’s tongue going active around the areas of her pussy, sitting and blocking his ears with her thighs. Jeongyeon was on the bottom, focused on making YN cums as she did all her best to blowjob his raging hard cock, now red from plenty of strokes and sucks it took.

It went on until he fired his last load like a fountain, splashing down at his abs. Every one of them dive at his skin and he moaned at their tongues gliding at his slimy skin to avoid wasting such delicious cum. They all collapsed on the floor and rest for a little before they called it a night.

ACT 4

The next morning, the four of them were too knocked out from the lengthy session they created last night through the influence of alcohol that they ended up all sleeping on the couch. Fortunately, it was Chaeyoung and Momo who woke up earlier and busted their naked sight on the floor. As they woke them up, embarrassment poured through their selves to snap their senses and cover themselves in front of their friends.

Chaeyoung and Momo promised not to tell it to others, especially Nayeon, as they fear she might crash out once she finds out. They did owe them one favor, though. When they asked, they said they wanted to get some as well of YN after marveling a while ago at his morningwood exposed while he was sleeping, lying above his hard abs.

It turned them on and flirted with YN to have him submit to the desire along. He had no choice but to accept. Later in the afternoon, while Nayeon was out running some errands for the company, Chaeyoung and Momo invited YN to have sex with them to prevent making a scent or stain in their shared bedroom.

YN witnessed them willingly kneeling or being crushed along the tiles just so he could fuck them as rough as they liked in each of their holes. Some sperm were washed away by the water; some are kept secured in their tummy as they swallow it for an appetite. After that, they all rubbed their bodies together to add some lustful ways of them taking a bath.

It can’t be avoided that they paid more attention to cleaning their respective erogenous zones. Chaeyoung jacked his cock while his hands were fingering her pussy and the other were on Momo’s mighty pair of bosoms. They all exit together, both in exhaustion and pleased at the newfound source of affection and kind of relationship they must have.

Dahyun and Mina joined the fray not too long after when they also got informed about their thing with YN. Despite being too overwhelmed to gather such fine women like them all by himself which makes him conflicted how did he deserved this from the beginning, the temptation is irresistable. They claimed a bedroom for themselves to fuck through whole afternoon when Nayeon had a schedule, and nobody knows about this outside the group except Nayeon.

Meanwhile, the clueless woman kept hearing great things about YN that she couldn’t deny that it’s starting to get her invested. Whenever she looked at him entertaining the guys in a normal bonding, she felt lighter inside and couldn’t hide a smile that crept on her lips. This doesn’t mean it brings her only good, but there are also instances where he finds it hard to ignore.

He told her once that she’s beautiful when she asked him how she looks as she attends an event hosted by one of the brands she is made as an ambassador. It made her blush, and somehow the way he said it makes her want to just hear it again. She loved it more when she got complimented without being forced, but his is way different.

She also began to do late-night chats with him whenever she was bored. It also surprises her that she allows him to talk about his hobbies for her to try and share. When she did, YN was there to join her whenever they had the free time to do so, and every time they spent together was so fun.

Or also that particular scenario when YN was being teased by her co-members about the possibility of asking him if there’s a chance to claim his heart and be their boyfriend. They’ve become so comfortable in his company that whatever bold thing they say irritates Nayeon, and as she snapped, it made the girls, including him, confused.

“Eh, maybe it’s her day today. Typical women on their period.” Jeongyeon rolled her eyes.

It had so much effect on Nayeon that when it came to him and her alone, she still continued sulking for whatever reason. That is, until YN just simply comforted her with a hug and a pat to her head to wish her well faster. She ran back to her room and repeatedly punched her pillow in aggression.

“What are you doing to me, YN?” She asked herself with a crumpled face after rubbing herself around the pillow as she slammed it.

One day in a mall, YN had to accompany Nayeon on her shopping as her manager was currently unavailable due to being sick. In his surprise, the person they’ll be joining with is none other than the two other people along with her that also brought trauma to his past: Yeri and Jennie. Nayeon reintroduces him to them, and they greet him while in shock at his new appearance.

Nayeon observes how YN is becoming distant to them despite their attempts to be calm interacting with him. They just let out a quick apology for what they have done to him even if they didn’t receive an answer back. Nayeon excused them for a while as she checked up on YN.

“You need some space. We can manage ourselves.”

“No, Nayeon, I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not. I’ve seen you shaking and stepping away from them; that’s why I do us a favor to make them leave you alone.”

“You don’t have to do that. They must be hurt seeing you acting like you care more than me—”

“If they do, then let them be! I don’t care what they might think; I do care for you.” Nayeon shuts him up. YN could only view her agitated mood.

“I may be in your protection,, but that doesn’t mean I don’t get to check on you as well. I know it’s still difficult, and I’m here to guide you with it.” Nayeon said. “Take this as my way of redeeming myself. I caused all of this, so I I might as well fixt. I’m here as your friend now, YN.” 

YN felt his wrists held by Nayeon as she stared at her softly. He thinks this might be it; it has reached the point that Nayeon has done enough to reconsider his issues about her. A hatchet to bury, and the only way to end this is for him to be open just like her for a new beginning, hopefully where nobody, especially him, will be hurt again.

“A… A friend?”

“Why? D-did I… say it sooner? ” Nayeon asked him. “Oh, I know. Y-you still haven’t—”

“Yeah.”

Nayeon’s heart sank.

“I can be your friend now too.”

Her eyes lit up, and she slowly grew a smile at his response. She finally got him to accept her again, and this time she has no intention of fumbling the opportunity again.

“You scared me, you know?” She slapped him on the arm, which made him laugh. “But seriously, I’m glad that we are now in peace.”

“Me too.” He nodded. “Are you sure you’ll be fine with them?”

“We will, but I won’t stop you from keeping your eyes on us from time to time. We might still need it.” 

“I will. It’s my job and my responsibility, Nayeon. Both as a bodyguard and your friend to keep you safe.”

Nayeon blushed and shook her head. “You’re so corny. I’ll go back with them now.”

As she watched you enter a store to buy something, Yeri and Jennie regrouped with her. “Is he okay?”

“Yeah. He must not have been able to get over it yet, but I calmed him down.”

“I actually feel bad for him. Knowing how much he improved today, I couldn’t believe that we’d treated him horribly.” Jennie frowned as they watched him order at the cashier.

“Regret is always at the end, as they say.” Nayeon sighed. “But I’m here now, and I’ll do everything to make sure his perspective of us won’t be similar as before. I’ll be there by his side often if it requires me to make him feel happy.”

“You’re right, even though you kind of sound like…. Hmm, Yeri side-eyed Jennie, who seems to get what she’s pointing at.

“That I like him? There’s no denial with that.” Nayeon looked at them seriously and with pure confidence. It made Jennie and Yeri dumbfounded.

“W-what? You do?”

“It’s crazy, but yeah, I can’t believe I’ll live to this timeline where I’m saying that I feel more than just a friend for that bulky brainiac,” Nayeon said as she glanced back at YN, who suddenly rotated his head and searched for Nayeon. As their eyes met, his smile made the latter develop butterflies in her stomach.

“Yeah, I do love him.” She confirmed it in her mind, which has been occupied by him every single day.

ACT 5

Nayeon continued to admire YN in secret. Due to his tame personality, it was easy for her to insert attempts where she began to send signs to him. The girls suspiciously take her actions with another meaning, as they know the difference in how Nayeon can be playful in a childish manner. It didn’t take her long to reveal her crush on him and to support and respect their friend’s admiration for YN; they easily stopped their fling with him since he won’t mind it anyway and takes it as a way to reduce boredom or stress like them.

While Nayeon is playing with her dolls while taking a break from her phone, Jeongyeon opened up a conversation with her out of the blue. “You look like you’ve lost your sanity, Nayeon. You miss YN so much, don’t you? ”

Nayeon blushed; she turned at her and adorably pouted. “Yeah.”

Jeongyeon chuckled at her and gazed at her disgustingly. “Eurgh, don’t make that face. Poor you, only he can’t make you behave like a grumpy grandma, huh? The once cold Im Nayeon is now melting for YN LN. How the tables have turned.”

“Yeah, yeah, tease me, whatever you want. You seem like you can’t find anything to do also, making me your victim again.” Nayeon rolled her eyes. “Try harder next time than using the ‘me being head over heels for YN” card on repeat.

“Chill, and please, don’t try me. You won’t like it when I use another.”

“Oh and what’s that?”

“You’ll see, why would I unveil my tricks too early. You’re no fun.”

“Coming from you?”

“Tch.” Jeongyeon slapped her thigh. “By the way, I just wanna ask. I know we proved you wrong about YN, but… what led you with the change of heart for him? Sorry if I had to, it’s just that… we were just a bit taken aback at how you suddenly went from being against him to being so into him.”

“I didn’t expect that I’ll be like this for him. I don’t know, he changed me with the way he’s just being true to himself on you, to the girls, and to me. I was so against of the idea of being close with him after what happened to us- but I couldn’t help it. I don’t want to admit this at first but… I realized how handsome and cute he is when I just look at him loving what he does and staying at what he really is.”

“Oh yeah, now that you brought that topic back, you haven’t told us yet about your past with him.” 

Nayeon became dead silent listening to Jeongyeon as the fear of guilt builds up within her. “What do you two have before? Were you both former mutuals?”

“N-no, that’s even way impossible to assume from what we had before.” A stutter slipped from Nayeon’s lowering voice.

“Then what is it? He was once your-”

“Jeongyeon, I wasn’t the type who would fell to complete weirdos like him.” Nayeon sighed. “He’s just my classmate before.”

“Then why didn’t you like him that much?”

“Like I said, he left when I needed him.” Nayeon stated. She gulped, knowing that she was about to spill the darkest truth she has been hiding from anybody. “Jeong, you’ve been my bestfriend for more than a decade. Could you promise me that you’ll try to listen and understand what I’m about to say?”

“Uhh… okay? That sounds scary but… go on.” Jeongyeon fixed her sitting posture.

“Alright.” Nayeon breathed heavily before proceeding. “I was a bad person before… and YN, he’s been there to feel what it’s like to be on my wrath. Jeong- I… I bullied him before.”

Jeongyeon’s brows met in disbelief. “Nayeon… why?”

“We know he has an isolated, introverted type of personality, but… there’s more to that. I made him a lot worse than what you think. I was the reason why he’s so preserved and… frightened to be around people.”

“Nayeon, what did you do?” Jeongyeon asked her disappointedly. “Seriously, I didn’t think you could do that. What did YN ever do to you?”

“That’s why I was blaming to myself still these days, Jeong! I picked him for nothing more than being a weak coward kid. But… when he begged me to stop, I saw something in him that I can use to grant his request… in one condition: I want him to work for me.”

Nayeon’s shame continues to rise inside of her. “YN was a brilliant student in our class, hell even in the entire campus, he’s the best. My academic performance was bad, that’s why an idea came to me that I should make him serve for me if he doesn’t want any harm-”

“That’s it. Enough with the cruelty you just did to him.” Jeongyeon sounded pissed, and Nayeon leaned away. “Skip and go straight to the point, what made you think that he did that to you?”

“YN stopped studying. When he left, I didn’t know what I do. I tried searching for others who can replace him but there’s nobody compared to him. I only got saved when JYPE had an agreement in my campus that I’ll be only attending limited classes from now on as a trainee. If I wasn’t, I would’ve gotten failed grades and my parents would be mad at me. They won’t allow me to chase for my dream as an idol if I did.”

“Good grief, Nayeon… how could you do that to him?” Jeongyeon shockingly asked her.

“I wasn’t thinking right back then. All I ever was is a delinquent arrogant student who wants to pick with the weak. That’s why I held that hatred in me for years until I saw him again.

But I was just strucked at how much he has changed. When I learned that he was looking for a job, I used it to have him under my power and get back at him this time in revenge.”

“So… you’ve been using YN all along? That’s why he ended up with the company and with us?”

“Y-yes.” Nayeon only nodded sadly and Jeongyeon groaned. 

“How dare you, Nayeon? Haven’t you’ve done enough to him?”

The door of their bedroom suddenly opened, and in their astonishment, YN barged inside, his face was blank and somewhat menacing. Nayeon shuddered when she felt his intimidating gaze from him. Jeongyeon though, weren’t expecting that he would come to their dorm to visit tonight, as she shared the look with Nayeon like a deer got caught by a headlight in the middle of the road.

“Was it true?” YN asked in a deep tone.

They all went silent for a second, Nayeon is having trouble to open her mouth, contemplating on what she should say.

“Answer the damn question!” YN’s voice raised. Nayeon winced at the outburst.

“Y-YN… it doesn’t matter. It was just in the-”

“Don’t bullshit me, Nayeon. Was that true?” He growled which made both the girls terrified of his character shift. 

Nayeon is cornered. It’s all over that the only person she never wanted for any of these to learn for has already heard their conversation loud and clear. She closed her eyes, preparing to face the consequences now that she has fucked up bigtime.

“Y-yes…”

YN stared at her, his lips twitched and closes his eyes. Stepping back from the door, the tension of the room is suffocating. He then hurriedly walked away and it alarmed Nayeon and Jeongyeon, including the rest of the girls who saw him lose his temper.

Nayeon immediately stood up from her bed. She ran outside of her room and asked her co-members where he went. They didn’t know but they reported that he left the dorm.

She went to his room next and repeatedly knocked the door. His roommate who is also their bodyguard appeared instead. “Oh, uhm Miss Im? What brings you here?”

“Is YN there?”

“No, he hasn’t returned yet. But he told me that he’s going to your dorm. You didn’t see-”

“Okay thank you.” Nayeon bowed at the guy who was left puzzled. She then rushed to use the elevator to search for YN. As she reached the lobby, she noticed that it’s raining heavily outside.

From the door, she caught the sight of YN forcing himself to get out as the driver tries his best to restrict him. Nayeon didn’t mind if she’ll got soaked, all that’s important for her right now is to talk with YN. He left the estate, and the guard confusingly watched Nayeon escape also in the middle of the rain.

Nayeon used all the stamina she has left, until she shouted his name and sprung him around with his shoulder. “YN, please listen to me first. Let me explain.”

“So that’s what it is after all this time?” YN looked at her devastatingly. “We’re going back to the past that I thought you and I wanted to forget. Yet you did it again, you befriended me again so that you can use me for your own benefit?!”

Nayeon fell quiet at his rants. She knows she has no defense to use here. What she can only do is to take all of his words into her guilty sinful soul.

“I’m sorry if I had to do it, YN. I know I’ve wronged again, but I did stopped it, I swear. You changed me when you’ve shown me how good of a friend you can really be that I’ve never realized when we were young before.”

“That won’t change the fact that you manipulated me just to be here right now, Nayeon. You made me think I earned it all, when in reality I was just being handed only for free because again, you have the power in your grasp.” You shook her head in dismay. “So everything that I just heard from you, the thought that you and I were now in good terms, that was all a lie?”

“No, YN. I discarded my plan at the start and I had to keep it from you, because I know it’ll hurt you if you knew.”

“Ironic of you to worry about what I feel when you’ve been taking me for granted since way back ago.” YN presented himself with a slight spread of arms before dropping them back to his side. “I’m not just crumbling down after I learned about the darkest truth of this real you. I’m filled with so much hatred and rage facing you closer right now!.” His fists clenched as he gritted his teeth in the middle of those words.

Nayeon frowned and avoided the gaze that screams anguish. 

“What makes you say that you have changed? What other lie you wanted me to believe in and make myself fool at?”

“I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU!” Nayeon shouted as she broke down in tears that is being masked instead by the raindrops. “All those times we spent together, getting to explore ourselves more. I felt your sincerity, and I listened to the girls and gave it attempt. Now I just couldn’t help it but to think about you because whatever you do to me, it makes me feel bad that you don’t know what I’m actually doing to you.

And when I knew it was wrong, I simply scratched that idea and began treating you legitimately as my friend, until it evolved where I find myself to adore everything about you that I wished I could’ve cherished before. What I’ve said to you recently, I meant it all with my heart.”

She stepped closer and cupped YN’s face with her hands. “I need you with me. If I was your punisher back then, let me be your savior and redeem myself in our another encounter. For real, this time. I want you to be appreciated and to be loved.”

The way he shiver in his touch and how his face contorts had Nayeon feel apologetic for everything she has done even more. For the first time, the vulnerability of him was there for him to witness, the amount of pain he has in store for years was poured for her to see the mess she had caused.

“How can I trust you again, Nayeon?” He said shakily. “How can you make me love you?” 

Nayeon’s heart shattered, but it didn’t hold her back to kiss him on the lips. Another tears escaped in her eyes by that single sentence she already expected to hear but would feel a lot better for her to receive the opposite, to push her more to do things right for him. As she let go, YN stares at her wearily.

“I was starting to like you as well. I even accepted this new version of you.” He held her hands. “You betrayed me not once but twice. I may have forgiven you, I did… but after all of these, I feel like I made a mistake for giving you a second chance.” 

Nayeon shook her head as she repeatedly mumbles the word “No… please.”

“How stupid was I for me to repent when I should never forget everything what you’ve done to me. You ruined my dreams, you showed no mercy when I needed it the most. You almost let my brother die and my mom desperate to collect money for his hospital bills. All because of how privileged and self-absorbed you are.”

Nayeon felt her arms sweeped away from him. He widened their gap, as he just looked at Nayeon emotionless. Nayeon just watched him in horror after she remember what led him to stop his studies, the one favor he asked that she rejected.

“It has come to my mind that our past will never be a water under the bridge for me. You just have to forget whatever what we had, it all won’t happen from the start if you haven’t stabbed me in the back and pretend just to gain something from me. From now on, I would be very grateful if I never see you face again. I want to be far away from you.I don’t need love from someone like you.”

He stepped forward and stared at her intensely which had her frozen.

“And for the record, I never got to do this in front of your face but I’m just fulfilling what I should’ve done to stood up for myself.

“I hate you.” He sharply said before he left Nayeon in the middle of the rain sobbing her tears as she still tries to call for his presence, saying “Wait” and “Please, don’t go” before the guard saw her and provided her an umbrella to shade on.

The next day, YN made an abrupt decision to leave the company and resign as their bodyguard in just months for personal matter, breaking every TWICE members’ hearts especially Nayeon who is already harboring feelings for him. The members were there to notice her concerning condition every day. She would be either locked in her room, skipping meals, looking disheveled and out of consciousness.

The girls have tried to contact YN in which he didn’t answer at any at first until he decided to do it when Mina was the one who met up with her. They all learned about what happened and clarified that even them have no idea about Nayeon’s plan and their friendship with YN was true. Despite the pleads and advice by Mina to settle their problem with Nayeon, he had enough of it and he doesn’t want to be associated with him again.

Months later, TWICE is still going on with their careers, they’ve also found a new bodyguard which makes them still think that YN was a better fitting one. With the assistance of a psychiatrist and her friends, Nayeon is slowly recovering from depression even though she believe she doesn’t deserve to be pitied.. She also found out that YN has concluded that she has no interest to make amends with her despite the girls’ persuasion. Although it hurts her, at least she’s content and relieved that he’s still good with the other members.

Nayeon is lined up on a cotton candy stall for her friends Yeri and Jennie who are waiting on a bench when in her surprise, she saw a glimpse of YN handing a food to a woman he’s together with, seemingly having a date. As their eyes accidentally met, he just ignored her like she was nothing and they went to find another spot. 

With all the coping she had in order to move on, accept, and willingly suffer for months after YN disappeared in her life again, it all went on full effect as for the last time Nayeon had to watch YN rebuilt the life he once tried to improve, now with somebody that is probably a hundred times better than her to love. She could only imagine in sorrow and envy how wonderful it would’ve been to receive pure love from him, because in this world:.. they’re destined to lose each other forever.

For Nayeon, he will always be her what if, a wasted priority, and the one who got away.

It had reflecting to her that the nightmare he suffered through are all combined karmas coming back to her she has no right to complain of. Perhaps its the only solution, he could only live in freedom if she got erased from existence in his life.

===ooo===

[drabblejester]

Ratio, Sampo, Aventurine, Jing Yuan and Mr Reca overhead reader feels about them (basically reader has a crush on them)

how VARIOUS HSR GUYS would react to OVERHEARING YOU CONFESS!

requested by: anon :3

pairings: ratio, sampo, aventurine, jing yuan, and mr. reca x gn!reader

content warnings: none!!

comments: im devouring a pizza rn as of typing this. its so good.. this one is also in bulletted list bc i didnt get any specifications sorry my liege<3

AVENTURINE:

he overhears you talking on the phone in another room, probably to your friend. he isn’t one to eavesdrop but just this once…

he acts very calm about it, totally poker-faced to the point where you think he didn’t hear for WEEKS

until one night he asks you about it, and tells you to talk to him about it more later.

you fall asleep with him, and when you wake up, you tell him as promised!!

he still has to get used to people. y’know. liking him. so he’s a bit awkward for a while, but he warms up! sadly doesn’t soften up for a LONG while though

SAMPO:

he overhears you talking to an interviewer in belobog talking about a ‘handsome blue haired man’

first of all he is FLATTERED that someone in this cold world actually likes him. second of all he registers that someone likes him about 5 seconds later and panics a bit

truly, his whimsical and silly demeanor has captivated you! but it was meant to be for lying and getting away with things, not actual flirting. so he thinks he’s screwed

but he’s NOT screwed! he makes a plan to corner you later in the night to have a bit of banter, but you end up cornering him!!

you two talk for a bit, you talk about how cool and yummy he is. he says it back and you both end up having a great night! maybe a kiss or two persnaps…

DR. RATIO:

he accidentally peeks over your shoulder at your texts (god damn curiosity) and sees you panic texting someone about the Super Duper Hot Professor Man that just so happened to pass by you. and that’s now standing behind you.

now obviously you probably freak out because oh my gods thats the guy RIGHT BEHIND YOU. you turn around and stammer for a bit

sadly ratio just gives you a dirty look (not on purpose) and tells you to seek knowledge, not him. he winds up lecturing you about feelings and professionalism for a good 20 minutes

you go home and wind down for a bit to process the lecturing, and just hang out. you start to have some second thoughts about everything

until a nice little package arrives at your door, with a nice cooked meal and a note that’s a very passive aggressive way of saying ‘take care of yourself’

JING YUAN:

he overheard you gossiping with the guards, and nothing escapes his ears. he didn’t confront you about it right away of course, since he didn’t want to freak you out or anything

so instead, he just played the waiting game. he waited for weeks upon weeks, hearing all the thoughts you thought about him, and every little thing you tried to do to court him

and he’s flattered!! very flattered actually. he decides to eventually send a guard out with a hand written letter to you, simply saying to meet him at a restaurant he found out you frequented

you two meet there, talk for a bit, but not as a general and you. you talk like strangers but in the best way possible, getting to know even more about eachother!! you eat some yummy food and chitchat the night away

and eventually he brings you back to his place, settling you down with some tea and light snacks. maybe a few long-drawn stories to help you sleep. sadly (or thankfully) he ends up asleep before you, so you have extra time to admire him :3

MR. RECA:

he finds out through social media! you broke his ‘no recording in the studio’ rule, posted a blurry video somewhere, and went absolutely crazy over him in the caption

he’s upset that you broke his rule, but at the same time. thinks its interesting. he doesn’t do much else except revisit the post once more before meeting with you

you two meet up in his office, and he immediately brings up the post. of course you apologize so so hard about breaking the rules, but he waves it off!!

eventually the conversation ends up circling around to emotions (with a bit of help from memokeepering), and you spill all your thoughts and feelings right then and there. he’s slightly shocked, but it soon turns to a smile before politely telling you to leave his office

you’re definitely nervous, but it all fades away once you find out you’ve been casted in the main role alongside him! for better or for worse though, it’s a romance production. that asshole.

im fucking up this pizza rn my lieges its so yummy

[thelaststranding]

@fragilehiggs

HOW TO IMPORT HIGGS 3D MODEL INTO BLENDER / MODELS FROM GAMES INTO BLENDER

figured id make this a post because it’d be easier.. might help other people too!!! on how to put higgs into blender. you probably know some of the stuff i’m gonna explain but for good measure will bring up. this is extremely long because its the sort of thing i wouldve massively appreciated but i unfortunately instead basically had to figure it out going off of little to nothing

—

blender is a 3d program that allows you to import models from games into there which can then be rigged, posed, and animated. people take these models from games using programs called ninjaripper or greyhound. essentially this just goes into the files of the game and takes out the assets. if it’s an asset, it can be taken out. you would then have to rig the model yourself (basically put a skeleton to pose it.) this takes very long and is inconvenient.

luckily, people do this for you. you don’t need to rip your own assets out and rig, which is a hassle and you usually need to pay for these useful programs. a great spot for getting models that have been ripped from games is deviantart. however, there is no telling how these models can perform. they could be badly rigged, or could have messed up textures. unfortunately, such is the case for the one and only higgs model… https://www.deviantart.com/kanbara914/art/Death-Stranding-Higgs-XPS-864224744

the good news is that i fixed the textures. the bad news is that the rigging is absolutely beyond busy. he is poseable, yes, but the amount of points there are makes it really hard to. i’m yet to figure out a better way and might start ripping and rigging my own models. despite having fixed the textures i am unsure if i can export the fixed version. thus.. another tutorial will come through on to do that. unfortunately it takes awhile. all of this requires lots of patience, trial, and error.

so, now, how exactly do we start? FIRSTLY, we need to revisit downloading blender. the current up-to-date blender will NOT work. you need to download blender 2.80, NOT anything else. well, how do you get an older version?

in order to get an older version, navigate to blender.org/download/previous-versions/ and scroll down a bit to you see ‘download any blender version.’ here is a good tutorial but i believe that it is a little outdated so i will explain it furthermore. https://youtu.be/WmlijP9D67o?si=QHhpOQ_D_0LWJP9M this is the one i followed however so, the premise is the same.

we click on download any blender version and it looks quite overwhelming. dont be too worried, you just need to look closely and scroll till you see Blender2.80 . we then click on that and you need to find your operating system. im going to assume you run windows, and if so, pick blender-2.80-windows64.zip from the list.

navigate to your files, and then open up the zip file that you just downloaded. click blender 2.8 again and then what you see is going to look a little busy. dont be fooled, its actually not. just scroll down and find blender.exe. press this and itll bring up a simple process -- all you should have to do is press a few buttons and optimize it like any other download for an application such as blender. it should be installed like regular blender, and if its not on your desktop, simply go to blender.exe in your files in applications. i recommend pinning it to your taskbar.

here comes the next step. there is something called xnalara. i will keep the history of it rather brief but its quite interesting. xnalara was an older program that allowed people back then to rip models from games and import them into the xnalara program. that program is rather old and i rather not use it, however, im thinking about looking into it. its good to use blender regardless because of its studio-accredited attributes. its professional.

some awesome dude later down the line created something called a xnalara add-on for blender. this allowed you to download models ripped from games posted on deviantart that are optimized for xnalara. the file name for these xnalara optimized models end in .xps . these will not regularly be imported into blender, because it doesnt support it. however, this add-on will allow you to do such.

im going to explain how to download it but watching this video regardless is essential. you will probably need to go back to it now and then.

since youre particularly interested in importing higgs, i will keep it relatively broad but touch on his model a bit more because i am more familiar but this process applies to most models. navigate to https://www.deviantart.com/kanbara914/art/Death-Stranding-Higgs-XPS-864224744 and scroll down into the description of the post. click on the link, mega.nz/file/y88wyQpS#eDkcsSmW… so on and so forth. it will ask you if you want to leave deviantart and click the link again to go there.

you're now in MEGA. this website will allow you to store downloads for people, and i can assure you its safe. i would never download anything im not sure of -- my PC is my baby lol. look down to the bottom right and youll see "SAVE" and "SAVE TO MEGA." pick save. it will download, and you need to look to the top right and click where your downloads are. this will take a couple minutes, grab some water and a snack. when its done, click on it in the tray to open it.

youre going to be overwhelmed by everything you see. do not fret! just close it, dont unzip it. just make sure it exists. you can close MEGA and deviantart now. you now need to refer to the video i linked if you want to follow along with more resources. we need to install the XNALARA add-on for blender 2.80 which can allow us to put it into blender.

before i continue i want to say, being familiar will blender as a whole will be an insane help. unfortunately the only way i figured out some of the stuff that i did was because i knew how to just going off of the program. most tutorials will not have answers for this small issues... but i most likely do especially for this specific model.

here is the add-on. https://github.com/johnzero7/XNALaraMesh . github will look relatively the same as it does in the video. look to your right, youre going to see a bolded 'releases', and under it, XPSTools v2.0.2 or something along the lines of that. you dont need to see the other releases, it's best to have the latest one. click on it.

its going to open up the description of the file. the above is important to note because it says it works with the blender that you just downloaded. if there are any issues for whatever reason with using blender 2.80 (approximately the version from ~2020) those are other versions which are applicable. for the sake of my sanity im gonna explain how to open it in blender 2.80 .

go down to the bolded 'assets'. under it you will see 3 links -- click on the first one which ends in .zip . it will download in the download tray. if your computer tries to flag it or anything as unsafe, click away from that and allow it anyways. this program has been used by thousands for years. it will soon finish downloading. MAKE SURE THE XNALARA ADD ON IS SAVED ON YOUR DESKTOP!!!

go ahead and open up blender 2.80 now. if you have the newest blender installed already make sure youre picking the older version. it will open a terminal alongside of blender, while its running. dont close it. click general.

if you have never used blender, please watch a video on the basics such as this one. https://youtu.be/Z8sg0nHNTTo?si=zjR4aBHVF8XX_Qdn this is the only way to realistically be able to attempt messing with said model, unfortunately. unironically, rendering roblox avatars was a huge stepping stone and aid to my experience with this. i genuinely recommend you do it before you try and do something like this. here is an amazing, step-by-step tutorial that needs no explaining out of the video. https://youtu.be/kpALOtLhX-Q?si=4UrhkBTIK5qYOBfS

from here, this is a much better tutorial to follow >> https://youtu.be/8mqUqob3P3o?si=14a50v88IPZx6O8Y . find yourself at the time stamp of 1:46, the previous is the steps you have already done. go back to blender if you have made it this far, lmao. click on the cube and delete that motherfucker.

look at the top toolbar. it says things like file, edit, render, window, etc. you want to pick edit and scroll to preferences. youll see many options but youre going to want to click add-ons on the left. then, at the top left, click install. go to DESKTOP and click XNALaraMesh.2.02.zip and click install add-on from file on the top right. make sure its the ZIP. this is gonna bring you to a menu with potentially many other downloads. scroll down till you see XNALARA if so. MAKE SURE IT HAS A CLICKED CHECK MARK ON THE LEFT.

go down to the three bars on the bottom left and make sure to save preferences. you can then close that and go back to blender. it will now be one of your downloaded add-ons available! go to the top left again and hit file, import, and XNALARA / XPS. itll hover and youll see another option. make sure to pick XNALara/XPS Model (ascii./.mesh/.xps) . click it and pick Load an XNALara model file.

this will open up your file explorer within blender. click desktop and click on the higgs model you saved earlier. clicking it will lead to 2 files, click xps.xps . press Import in the top right. it will take a hot minute to pull everything into blender, be patient. once its imported scroll inwards and look at the son of a bitch. the rig is gonna be highlighted orange and hes gonna be gray. click to anywhere other than the model and face the enemy.

due to the shading settings, his textures arent showing. simply go to the top left where you see 4 ish circles, the second one should be selected. select the one to its right, viewport shading, and give it a second to load his textures in. its gonna look nothing like him. youre gonna have to fix the textures, brave soldier.

--

will post another tutorial if you decide to go through with this or if anyone does because unpacking all of that is such a pain in the ass but i promise it isnt rocket science. just not gonna do it if it isnt asked for because i spent 3 hours figuring out how to fix it the first time i imported his model -- the creator says nothing about this on the download or how to fix it unfortunately and its quite janky :(

if you even made it this far in reading, congratulations, youre a winner. IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS AT ALL PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ASK and i will answer them to the best of my ability.

SAVE THE IMPORTED MODEL TO REVISIT!!!!!!

[scotisfr]

Effective note-taking while learning an online course

Taking effective notes is more than just jotting down what you hear in a lecture or read in a book: it's a strategic process that enhances your understanding and retention. Whether you're a student, professional, or lifelong learner, mastering the art of note-taking can elevate your ability to learn and apply new concepts.

Understand how you think to adapt your note-taking style

Verbal thinkers:

Process information through words and language.

Excel with text-heavy, sequential note-taking styles.

Visual thinkers:

Object visualizers: Think in detailed images, excel in hands-on fields like art or engineering.

Spatial visualizers: Think in patterns and abstractions, thrive in areas like physics or architecture.

Mixed thinkers:

Combine both styles to adapt based on the situation.

1) Understand the purpose of notes

Before diving into techniques, it's essential to know why you take notes. Effective notes serve three main purposes:

Capture key ideas: Focus on main concepts, not every word.

Aid recall: Notes should act as memory triggers.

Support active learning: Writing notes forces your brain to process information.

2) Prepare before the course

Preview material: Skim the syllabus, course outline or key readings to anticipate important themes.

Gather supplies: Notebook, pens, digital tools (laptops, apps like Google doc, Notion, OneNote, or Evernote).

Verbal thinkers: Use lined notebooks or text-based apps like Word or Google Docs.

Visual thinkers: Use blank notebooks, mind-mapping tools or apps like Milanote.

Mixed thinkers: Use a combination of both formats to capture ideas flexibly.

Set goals: Know what you want to achieve from the course.

3) Choose a note-taking method

a) Linear notes (basic listing)

Write down points in sequential order.

Best for: Simple lectures or storytelling. Best used by: Mixed thinkers

b) Cornell Method

Divide your page into:

Main section: Notes during the lecture.

Cue section: Keywords/questions later.

Summary section: Key takeaways at the bottom.

Best for: Structured review. Best used by: Verbal thinkers

c) Mind maps

Create a visual map with the main topic in the center and branches for subtopics.

Best for: Complex concepts or brainstorming. Best used by: Visual thinkers

d) Outline method

Use bullet points with indentation for hierarchy.

Main Topic

Subtopic

Details

Best for: Well-structured content. Best used by: Verbal thinkers

e) Flow notes

Combine visuals, arrows and text to show connections.

Best for: Dynamic, fast-paced lectures. Best used by: Visual thinkers

4) During the lecture

Listen actively:

Focus on understanding, not transcribing verbatim.

Identify cues:

Look for emphasis (repeated ideas, instructor tone, slides).

Use abbreviations:

Shorten common words (e.g., “w/” for with, “b/c” for because).

Organize on the fly:

Use headings, subheadings and bullet points to keep things structured.

Verbal thinkers: Group ideas under headings or bullet points.

Visual thinkers: Sketch concepts or relationships between topics.

5) After the lecture

Review notes:

Fill in gaps, clarify confusing points and ensure everything makes sense.

Summarize:

Write a brief overview of what you learned.

For verbal thinkers:

Write summaries in your own words to reinforce understanding.

Use mnemonics or word-based memory aids for recall.

For visual thinkers:

Recreate diagrams or visual models from memory.

Annotate your notes with additional visuals to deepen understanding.

For mixed thinkers:

Pair visual summaries (like flowcharts) with verbal descriptions.

Practice explaining concepts both visually and verbally.

Test yourself:

Turn your notes into questions and quiz yourself for better retention.

6) Use digital tools for efficiency

Google docs/Word: Collaborative and easily accessible.

Notion/OneNote: Organize notes by topic with multimedia support.

Audio recorders: Complement notes for revisiting missed points.

7) Tips for retention

Revisit regularly: Spaced repetition improves memory (Ankis cards).

Condense notes: Create cheat sheets for quick revision.

Teach someone else: Explaining the material reinforces your understanding.

Review often: Reinforce your learning by revisiting and reorganizing your notes.

8) Stay organized

Label notes: Course name, date, topic.

Keep sections clear: Separate topics/modules with dividers or digital tags.

Backup notes: Use cloud storage for digital notes.

9) Adapt your style

Not every method works for everyone. Experiment with different approaches to find what resonates with your learning style. You may prefer digital tools, visual techniques like mind maps or traditional handwritten notes.

Bonus : Make note-taking fun!

Learning doesn’t have to feel like a chore. Add creativity to your process:

Gamify learning:

Create quizzes with tools like Kahoot or Quizlet.

Challenge yourself with timed note summaries.

Go visual:

Use colorful infographics or mind maps to highlight connections.

Turn complex ideas into visual stories.

Role-play and scenarios:

Pretend to be an expert and explain your notes to an imaginary audience.

Apply concepts to real-life situations to deepen your understanding.

Mix it up:

Use flashcards for quick reviews.

Watch videos or listen to podcasts on your topic to reinforce learning.

Collaborate:

Discuss your notes with peers or teach someone else for better retention.

Establish a routine:

Dedicate 20–30 minutes daily to review notes.

End each session with a mini-quiz or creative recap.

Bonus : Mastering layout and formatting for effective Notes

A) General layout principles

Start with a clean slate

Use consistent margins for a neat look.

Leave ample white space between sections to avoid visual clutter.

Margins create a visual boundary that organizes content, helping your brain process the information in chunks.

Leave at least one blank line (or 1.5 spacing in digital notes) between different topics or ideas.

They provide room to add comments, symbols or questions during reviews without cluttering the main content.

Number your pages to keep notes in order.

Add descriptive titles for easy navigation.

Include date, course title or lecture topic in the header.

Prioritize legibility

Choose readable fonts if typing (e.g., Arial, Calibri).

Write neatly if using pen and paper.

Use headings and subheadings

Bold or underline main headings.

Use numbered or bullet-point subheadings for organization.

Color coding for clarity

Assign colors to categories (e.g., red for key terms, blue for examples).

Avoid overusing colors: stick to 2–3 for consistency.

Use bold or underlined text for essential ideas.

Highlight terms, dates or definitions for easy scanning.

Handwritten: Invest in multi-colored pens or highlighters for emphasis

Digital: Use formatting tools like bold, italics, and bullet lists.

Visual coding for enhancing the important part

Add icons, images or colors to make connections intuitive.

Insert tables, diagrams, or charts to organize data visually

[expertacademicassignmenthelp]

10 Tips on How to Study for Medical School

Mastering Time Management

Embarking on the journey of medical school introduces a myriad of challenges, chief among them being the effective management of time. Recognizing the seemingly limited hours in a day, the key lies in adopting a day-by-day approach and establishing a routine that fosters success. Prioritizing tasks, meticulous planning, and incorporating strategic breaks are integral components that enhance both confidence and efficacy in the demanding role of a medical student.

Thorough preparation before the commencement of each class is an impactful strategy. Engaging in pre-class reading enables students to gain a deeper grasp of the lecture’s organization, allowing them to focus on pivotal concepts. This not only facilitates active participation but also positions students to ask informed questions, showcasing a genuine interest and mastery of the subject matter.

2. The Power of Note-Taking

In the intricate landscape of medical school, note-taking emerges as a linchpin for success. Beyond the lecture hall, effective note-taking during readings serves as a powerful tool for managing the deluge of information. Organizing this wealth of material systematically, capturing the essence of each concept, transforms these notes into a potent study guide.

Taking notes not only aids in the recording of information but also serves as an invaluable aid in understanding complex material. The act of transcribing information in one’s own words, essentially explaining concepts to oneself, deepens comprehension and acts as a reinforcing mechanism for challenging subjects.

3. Continuous Learning

Unlike the strategies that sufficed during undergraduate studies, medical school demands a paradigm shift toward continuous learning. The vast curriculum and extensive memorization requirements necessitate a commitment to ongoing, consistent learning. Regular self-testing, routine revisiting of material, and the cultivation of ‘clinical pearls’ — succinct, significant pieces of information — become daily habits that fortify a student’s knowledge base.

The concept of ‘clinical pearls’ transcends the classroom, extending into the professional realm of practicing physicians. As future doctors, adopting these daily learning practices positions students on the trajectory of lifelong learning, a cornerstone of the medical profession.

4. Memory Tricks and Mnemonics

Navigating the labyrinthine landscape of medical knowledge requires innovative memory aids, and mnemonic devices emerge as indispensable allies. Acronyms, memorization phrases, and even the melodic arrangement of information to music serve as effective tools for enhancing memory retention.

Physicians themselves often rely on these mnemonic devices, creating a lexicon of memorable acronyms and phrases that enable them to recall critical information effortlessly. From recalling the signs of a stroke to understanding what passes through the placenta, these memory tricks transform the daunting task of memorization into an engaging and effective learning experience.

5. Know Your Study Sweet Zone

Understanding one’s individual learning strengths is a cornerstone of effective study strategies. Every student possesses a unique learning style, whether through auditory, visual, or other methods. Tailoring study techniques to align with these strengths enhances the overall learning experience and optimizes the absorption of complex medical concepts.

For auditory learners, exploring options such as recording lectures for later review over headphones can be particularly beneficial. On the other hand, visual learners may find sketching and diagramming organ systems to be powerful aids for comprehension. The key to success lies in identifying one’s strengths and leveraging them in the pursuit of medical knowledge.

6. Create Your Study Sanctuary

Amidst the bustling demands of medical school, the creation of a dedicated study space, a ‘study palace,’ becomes imperative. This sanctuary, a space entirely under your control, serves as an oasis of concentration free from distractions. Whether it’s a private room at home or a cubicle in the library, this designated study space becomes the canvas for focused and uninterrupted learning.

Minimizing electronic distractions within this study sanctuary is crucial. In an era of constant connectivity, silencing notifications and carving out dedicated time for focused learning contributes significantly to concentration and overall academic success.

7. Seek Help When Needed

Navigating the complexities of medical school inevitably brings moments of challenge and confusion. During these times, the importance of seeking help cannot be overstated. Whether turning to peers, instructors, or professors, recognizing the need for assistance is a strength, not a weakness.

Approaching professors with questions or seeking clarification on unclear concepts is a proactive step toward academic success. Instructors are not only well-equipped to provide guidance but also appreciate students who show initiative in their learning journey. Additionally, post-exam meetings with professors offer invaluable opportunities for deeper insights, clarification, and personalized study techniques.

8. Form Study Groups

The friendships forged in medical school extend beyond mere camaraderie; they become a cornerstone of academic support. The intensity of studying in medical school is a shared experience among peers. Forming study groups not only provides mutual support but also enhances collaborative learning.

Teaching concepts to fellow students within these study groups serves a dual purpose. Not only does it enhance your own understanding of a concept, but it also creates a dynamic and engaging learning environment. As you collectively navigate the challenges of medical school, the bonds formed in these study groups can last a lifetime.

9. Get Quality Sleep

Pulling an all-nighter to study at the last minute is only going to hurt you in the long run. Your brain needs sleep to retain all the information you’re reviewing. Getting enough sleep each night and keeping a fairly regular schedule is vital to feeling and performing your best.

10. Stay Encouraged

You may be accustomed to school success coming easily, but medical school challenges even the brightest students. No matter how challenging the courses, don’t give up. Remember why you started this journey in the first place!

For Instant Health Science Assignment Help Email: williamsliason@outlook.com

[teddy-the-queer-wizard]

so. a long while back i wanted to write a kinda. cringe story. with a character leaning into the mary sye thing on purpose

so like bright hair, glitter, trying to be a star but like she knows

and like. there was a soulmate thing going on but it was before i had words for aromantic so it was going to explore connections that didn't feel awful

and on the first little not i made about her, i wrote that she had dark skin

now. this was just me jotting down notes about like. hair (dyed) eye color (contacts) flashy clothes.

id just learned about unicorn snot so clealry she was going to have glitter

it was probably some combination of "dark skin + glitter = super pretty" and "huh. you know dont see a lot of black ocs in fanfiction"

and like. its years later and im revisiting this and im just like.

you *dont* see a lot of Mary Sue characters that are explicitly black

like. i know ive been reading only a handful of fandoms but usually it's not stated or a throwaway comment about a character thats supposed to be a self insert or a vauge character reveals that they're white/ assumed white

the problem im having is.

the character starts the story as Mary Sue Ellen. (idk i liked how it flowed but bare with me). she's putting in contacts to hide her self doubt behind her completed flashy and colorful outfit and going to try to win a spot on a star's show.

the idea is that she won a fan raffle and that got her in the running to try to get onto the show through a little competition but that shes an average person without formal training and basically is just going to get to meet the star and flunk out

and while she's not what *this* star is looking for he sees potiential and sets her up with his on screen competition (they're amiable irl)

and she goes from pretending to be this "Mary Sue" who's just. Being over the top to actually being put in a position of great luck

she gets to work with this star's biggest fan and train up to live her dream

but like while i do want to strip away the facade of pretending to be this Mary Sue and uncover who she is without losing her love of idk. pretty/girly/flashy things...

i want to do that through challenges she faces as we uncover her problems and have it come naturally from within.

like no professional make over thing - all of her training is relevant to the show she'll be doing with the star and has more to do with rube goldberg machines and being more physically active

but like. while she likes things like shes doing, its very much a preformance/ caricature you know?

and i want her to feel more comfortable and be challenged to be comfortable letting down that facade with others to reveal a whole ass real person who yeah, can be dramatic or silly but isn't keeping arms distance not to get hurt

and being black could play a good underline role in the aspect of the story

so like. the problem im having is. is that. this level of social commentary, especially coming from an outside experience usually comes off as shallow or insulting ot a bunch of other pitfalls i dont want to fall into by trying to force that topic's exploration in

but if i feel if i don't aknowedge that hey being black is kinda part of why she's doing this - in that idea of society and expectations and perceptions being something she feels the need to compensate for - i feel like thats... also shallow?

[theragethatisdesire]

hi bestie im sure uve been asked a million times but do u have any tips for writing? everything i write feels Bad

HELLOOOOOO nonny from a thousand and five years ago! i am by no means an expert, but these are the things that i've been lent by other far more talented writers that have helped me tremendously<3

dropping a cut to preserve the dash for those who aren't interested:)

i can assure you 200% that none of your writing is Bad. the best tip i have ever received is to look at your writing through a vacuum (to an extent). you will never write "like" your favorite authors; for example, i will only ever write like rage, not like donna tartt, or walt whitman. focusing on developing the voice and talent you already possess instead of trying to imitate was the most difficult hurdle for me to overcome, and i still catch myself doing it!

however, when you find things in other authors you appreciate, really really dig deeply in to see what you can learn from it. i approach this from a sentence level: why did king choose to use this word here, and not that one? how does that play into this character at large? understanding the mechanisms behind your fav authors will not only help you avoid copying them, but recognizing the technique at play that you want to learn and test/manipulate for yourself.

read your dialogue aloud. you will feel stupid. it's okay. this tip from a college professor is what i think levelled up my writing hugely.

revise everything you write three hundred times lol. i still pull up WIPs from 5 years ago to play with and revise, especially when i need to put current works down! it's the most helpful tip i've been given as far as recognizing bad habits, things i don't like about my writing, and things i really like. find what's strong, and repeat tip #2 on your own writing. what, on a molecular level, is making that sentence strong? i am by NO means a professional writer or a professor, but i did study creative writing in school, and these are things i have written down in a little doc when i'm feeling frustrated or at a mental block! by far the four things that have helped me grow the most as a writer. my personal best tip is just to get your thoughts on the page and be patient. i have lost so many good potential wips drabbles fics stories you name it by thinking "ugh, that sounds great, but i'm not advanced enough to write it"/"what if i try it and it's awful:/" who cares!! get it on the page!!! you can always improve or revisit it later if it doesn't meet your expectations. your ideas deserve a breath of fresh air :)

best of luck, and i hope that soon you'll send some writing for me to read and share!! i hope you find these helpful<3

[actualbird]

irt marius has an ankle tattoo HE HAS ONE IT IS VISIBLEEEE

okay so @kamiaka left this reply on that post

Okay but what if it’s a matching tattoo of some kind? Like…with Giann 👀✨ Apparently both of them were really close (plsIjustneedvonhagenbrotherlylovecrumbs)

and now it's BASICALLY CANON TO ME. YES. ABSOLUTELY. I BELIEVE THEYRE VERY CLOSE and that marius we see now misses him so frigging much and will stop at nothing to find giann. but enough about present angst bc it's time to go into the past

yes marius and giann have matching tattoos and heres how they (emotionally) end up getting it

wc: 1.5k

i imagine it goes like. at 15, marius is on a mission to get as MANY PIERCINGS as he can before he goes off to study in Florence. and giann is stressed because okay yes piercings are deffo safe in 2030 as long as u get them done by a professional and marius does get them by a professional! and that bolsters his confidence to go get a tattoo as well because hello?? art on the body??? thats FANTASTIC!!!!

but marius is 15 and hasnt gone thru his insane growth spurt yet (i hc it happened from 16-18 years old) and most sane professionals are NOT gonna tattoo a tiny little tyke, ESPECIALLY NOT A KID WHO IS VERY OBVIOUSLY THE YOUNGEST VON HAGEN, THEY DONT HAVE A DEATH WISH.

(bc listen, by this point in marius' life, giann is 25 and im sure hes made himself quite the bigshot in the business sphere. commanding, confident, friendly, but very much still hiding the snake fangs that everybody in his family has. fiercely protective over his kid brother, too. mess with the kid and ur gonna go bankrupt for generations.)

so yea marius is going into tattoo parlors with a facemask and hoodie as if that makes the DISTINCTIVE PURPLE EYES any less frigging noticeable. and so with every tattoo artist who turns him away, marius gets more and more frustrated and so hes like "fine!! i'll do it myself!!" and since he knows he wont be able to purchase a real tattoo machine since itd get delivered to the house and somebody might open the package (austin and giann are JUST as nosy as marius ends up being when hes older), marius just decides to fuckinnnn

stick n poke himself

which, when done correctly and cleanly, is fine!!

but marius is 15 and stupid and FRUSTRATED and he disinfects NOTHING. giann's "my baby brother is doing something monumentally idiotic" radar pings like crazy at some point, 2am of a saturday, and he just YEETS outta bed and finds marius in the bathroom about to stab himself several times with NOT DISINFECTED ANYTHINGS!!!

marius gets scolded so much and hes not taking it well because shut up!! shut the fuck up!!! he just wants this and if he cant get it he needs to take matters in his own hands and also please dont tell dad because he'll go "im not angry, im just disappointed" which sucks because disappointed hurts MORE and youre better because at least youre actually angry and----

giann, sighing: im not angry, you idiot. im worried. come on, let's go

marius: go? where?

giann: someplace where you can get a tattoo without the hepatitis

2:30am and marius is in the passenger seat of giann's car, excited but also confused because why? whys giann doing this? sure, it's a weekend but surely hes got more important shit to do than indulge his moron brother. but sometimes marius asks himself questions he doesnt want answers to (because what if giann answers "yes"? whatll marius do then but just shrink into himself so that giann never has to deal with him ever again), questions hes scared to get answers to, so he shuts up and just lets himself look forward to this.

he lets himself squawk when giann jokes around and reaches over to ruffle his hair, lets himself give giann a fucking headache by hooking up his phone to the aux cord and playing music he loves that giann cant stand (i currently have no hcs on marius' taste in music, will revisit later), he lets himself go quiet at some point. when a single red light stops them at an intersection, marius looks out the window, at the city asleep and the both of them awake, and part of marius feels like as long as he's got giann with him, everything will always work out.

3:00am they get to the tattoo parlor (and shhhh the parlor is open all hours, idk, theres a LOT of shifts) and giann has a friend there whos an artist, very lovely woman and shes like "heyyy, finally gonna get that serpent design i showed y----OH MY GOD, GIANN, THAT IS A CHILD."

marius, offended: IM FIFTEEN!!!

her: YES. A CHILD. I JUST SAID.

and giann asks her this as a favor. she'll get paid, duh, but the favor here is to just close her eyes at the fact that yes, marius is a child. hell, giann tries to do puppy eyes and they SUCK (marius does it so much better) and she rolls her eyes and agrees because it's obvious that giann just wants to give the world to this kid.

and the way marius is going through her design portfolio with a twinkle in his eye, well---and marius comments on her wonderful command of colors and how she makes sure that no matter the skin tone, the design is always striking and bold---well, that seals the deal. he's deffo somebody who understands the beauty of wearing art on one's skin.

she agrees tho on the condition that the design he picks is a simple one thatll only take one visit, tonight's visit, bc if she has a kid coming back here often, thatll be sketchy. and marius is like ok and he picks the solid black inverted triangle design we see in the linked post above. alls well and good until she asks "cool, where do you want it?"

marius: ankle

her: oh jesus fucking christ

so, context!!! ankle tattoos fucking hurt severely!!! generally, places near bones likely has more nerve endings, and thus hurt very much. less nerve endings are found in places with more fat, and thus are less painful. theres some exceptions to this rule here n there tho, so heres a nifty chart!!! (bc who knows, maybe you, dear reader, want a tattoo. i come from a family of tattoo lovers and my dad has tattoos on backs of both his hands and MANNNN the way he was in agony. fantastic shit to watch)

huh, where was i? OH YEAH. ANKLE. tattoo artist explains to marius that hes signing himself up for a WORLD OF PAIN and hes like "yeah idc" and he doesnt even have a ~profound~ reason for why he wants the ankle, he just thinks it's cool (which is def reason enough, doesnt have to be deep, with tatts, live ur life!!) so he doesnt care

but GIANN DOES

giann: for the love of god, get it somewhere less painful, please

marius: nope! :3

giann: IM NOT WATCHING U CRY

marius: iM!!! NOT GONNA CRY!!!!!

giann: YES YOU WILL!!!

marius: it'll be fine, youre worrying too much. geez, it's as if youre getting the tatt instead of me. i'll be the one to feel it, 'kay? dont make it your problem

giann, groaning: fuck off, im making it OUR problem

and marius watches just absolutely befuddled and awed as giann rolls up his pants cuff and settles down to get the same tattoo design in the same place with marius.

the tattoo artist is impressed and touched. shes been wanting to get giann tattooed for years, she even made him a killer serpent design, but all those years of nagging never worked. what worked was marius. because giann will always give in to that kid.

tattooing time!! marius indeed doesnt cry, where the HELL did this 15 year old get such a high pain tolerance???? giann does shed a few tears tho. and it's hilarious to marius but he lets giann squeeze his hand whenever he needs to.

when it's all done, they both gingerly walk back to the car (ankle tatts r near the bone so walking is gonna have to be gentle for a while) and when theyre in there, marius feels his question from earlier bubble up again.

why did giann do this? whyd he bring marius here when hes so busy? whyd he get a tattoo with marius when he didnt want to for years?

marius doesnt ask. hes too scared of the answer. but giann knows his little brother like the back of his palm.

he reaches over and pats marius on the head a few times and says "anything you wanna do, kid, i'll always have your back."

and so they go home and marius remembers that. giann will always have his back.

he remembers that years later when giann goes missing

and all of a sudden

nobody is in his corner anymore

(bonus: that tatt design the artist made for giann? the serpent? marius gets it on himself at some point, starting from his back shoulder blade and curling up and over to settle its head close to his collarbone. a protective kind of position, wrapped around him and close to his heart.

he gets it not as a eulogy, but as a promise he isnt going to break. hes going to find giann and giann will be okay. he needs to believe this.

because believing otherwise will destroy him)

[lord0f]

For the ask meme! Camellia, ivy, nutmeg, papyrus

Aw thanks for the ask! It got long so here a read more for ya!

Camellia - what were you like when you were younger? Do you think you’ve changed a lot?

As a kid I was incredibly social! I wasn’t the popular kid in school by any means but I loved talking to people and making friends. I was eager to share my interests and play. I was definitely a dork and a was deep into anime around middle school. I also just liked people and wanted to be around them.

Honestly I think in recent years I’ve been trying to recapture some of the unbridled joy I got out of my interests as a kid. While I’m older and wiser now (though certainly no less fallible) and able to consume things with a more critical eye, watching things I love that might be “childish” or “not that good” or “cringe” and openly loving them has been really refreshing! For me right now that means revisiting some old anime faves, sewing tiny clothes for dolls, learning Japanese, and leaning into my 90s anime art roots.

Also I like to think I’m more mature and professional and level headed but every time I give myself that credit I look back two years later and all I can think is how wrong I was haha. Guess it goes to show that we never stop growing and maturing haha!

Ivy - what are your tells for your emotions and moods? How can someone tell you are happy, annoyed, upset, or tired?

I’m think I’m fairly obvious in my emotional tells in how I express myself? (My friends can correct me if I’m wrong haha!) But I also try to declare my emotions outright. When I’m happy, I wanna say so, when I’m tired, i wanna say so. I like people knowing that they’ve improved my day, or that talking with them made me happy. I think people sometimes cant tell if you enjoy their company even if you feel like it’s obvious. So even if it might sound stilted or awkward I think it’s good to tell them you appreciate them!

I think where I falter is that when I’m feeling stressed/depressed/anxious/overwhelmed I tend to use “I’m tired” as a catch-all for everything ; ; so I could definitely stand to express myself a little more clearly when it comes to less positive emotions haha

Nutmeg - how is your room/home decorated? Do you have a specific theme or style going on?

I have a very tiny room so it’s not very decorated! A lot of room is taken up by the bed and storage. But I generally love cluttered cozy wizard vibes and warm colors. Truthfully I just wanna live in a hobbit hole. Heres a pic of one corner of my room currently!

Papyrus - if you put your on-repeat playlist on shuffle what is the first song that comes up? What do you like about it/ associate with it?

Recently I have been (predictably) listening to the Outer Wilds OST on repeat. But for variety, since I have a few on-repeat playlists, I’ll shuffle em all for ya. (Only vibes for one cuz this ask is so long at this point im so sorry)

Outer Wilds OST - The Search by Andrew Prahlow

Vibes- space mystery/searching/discovery/under pressure/urgency/my spaceship is made of wood/melancholy

Songs to Get Shit Done To Playlist - Madamamagoto English Cover by JubyPhonic (original by GigaP/Reol feat Soraru)

The One That Changes Playlist - Fear by Yuki Kajiura from the .Hack//SIGN OST

Songs to Chill TF Out To Playlist - Furthest Star by Dirt Poor Robins

[nordlichtgeschichten]

Writer Asks!

Asks from @writtendevastation :3

1. What are you working on now?

Uhhh, right now, mostly a horror fic for a zine; still got 2 rounds of editing to do. Also currently making the 2nd draft of Finding Magic, but the horror fic has a deadline and I already asked for an extension so uh. Gotta hurry.

2. How long have you been working on this WIP now and has anything changed since I last asked about the WIP??

The horror fic, not too long. Joined the zine server on March 16th, and started some time later. FInding Magic I started when I was... 15?? So 9 years ago maybe? Don’t think much has changed there recently, but I haven’t done much work, either *pensive emoji*

3. How many scrapped WIPs do you have and why did you scrap them?

Not many, most just hibernate indefinitely. I completely scrapped and deleted one story where a bunch of kids (self-inserts for me, my crush, and a few friends, plus some boys to be their love interests) ended up in a fantasy world, and one where the MC runs away from home to live in the forest, but her cat follows her and it was supposed to end with her being basically feral and not quite human anymore. Not deleted, but scrapped, I have one about two horses, one whose human dies when they get attacked during a hunt, making the human’s parents chase out the horse, and the other horse being a wild horse running away from some humans who captured him. Semi-scrapped I also have one about a girl who’s curious about demon stuff, and manages to actually summon a demon who ends up luring her to become a demon herself. Scrapped ‘em because... None of them were very good tbh, though I might revisit some or all of them at some point. Definitely got interested in reworking Dark Sides (the semi-scrapped demon one) a while ago at least. Also semi-scrapped a wlw detective couple, I’ll probably still use the characters but probably in very different roles (maybe a romcom how they meet, or maybe I’ll make them journalists instead one being a writer and the other being a detective)

4. How many OCs do you have across all your WIPs? (im not counting people you give names that are mentioned once and never again)

Many, I never counted.

5. If your characters could be stuck in any video game or tv show, what would it be? Why, and would they survive?

(Gonna save that question and do it as a separate post, I think this’ll be fun but I have enough OCs it’d make this super long)

6. What is the longest time youve worked on a single WIP?

Theoretically... 10 years? I think that’s when I started Changes, but there were long breaks in between.

7. When did you first start writing as either a hobby or full time?

Phew uh, I think I was 10-12? Had some long breaks, tried being more serious when I was 16-19 or so, and got really into it again like 2 years ago at 22 I think. Breaks were shorter if we’re also counting forum RPGs, but still there.

8. What is your average wordgoal for a novel?

For a novel, I’d try to go for 50k or more, but I don’t want/need all I do to be novels; for short stories, there isn’t really a minimum, though I kinda try to go over 1k.

9. How many drafts do you plan to do for any of your WIPs?

Short stories always get 4 drafts, 4th gets posted. Not sure yet for FM (since that’s the most complete one), considering I want to publish that and that means also getting a professional editor etc, but I’d guess at least 2-3? Especially since I don’t outline.

10. Who is the hardest character to write and why?

Hm... The MC for NaNo 2020 who still needs a new name, though that’s not really something about her character but because that was written in 1st person present tense, but I’m more used to 3rd person past tense.

[iphoenixrising]

Check, Please WIP: Part 1-4

AHL!Bitty

I’m going to hell, but… Parse, Bitty, and Jack or PB&J as I’ve seen it, have some wonderful stories in the fandom, and tbh I’ve come to look at Kent Parsons very differently thanks to a few. You can probably check them out on my Ao3 bookmarks and such. 

Notes: 

I know shit all about hockey but damn if I don’t love Check, Please! Not everything is accurate and some details are mine. Like, I’m just going to pretend the Bruins aren’t in Providence, and the Pawtucket Rebels are the AHL team. 

But then, what if Jack and Bits didn’t get that kiss at the end of Jack’s graduation? What if they just stayed the best of friends, pining away at one another until Kent Parson comes back into Jack’s life. Now it’s not just Jack pining, it’s Kent too :D

And, well, after winning the Championship his senior year, bringing that back to Samwell, Eric Bittle might just think he hasn’t had enough Hockey after all.

Really, it’s time to put up or shut up.

** Pro

Of all the things on Kent Parson’s Wish List (winning the Stanley Cup, being on a team he loves, playing hockey for the rest of his life, having a pet and Kit meets all those criteria for so much cute and cuddly), getting his friendship back on track with Jack Zimmermann hadn’t moved down from number 1, ever. 

Things changed after that disaster at his college frat house, then later in Zimm’s first season with the Falconers, Kent wasn’t sure it could even be a wish. 

When it came to hockey, things were always too easy. They never had to talk about it, about what they were doing on the ice. All of that just came like breathing. Parse and Zimms, Zimms and Parse. The whole Zimmermann-Parson No-Look One-Timer was never something they discussed, it was something that just happened. 

On the ice, they were unbeatable, just like in Juniors.

Off the ice...was a different story. 

(Sometimes he dreams about it, finding Jack passed out on the bathroom floor of the hotel, foaming at the mouth, panic and adrenaline hitting Kent hard when he’s pretty sure his best friend, the man he almost-kind of-sometimes loves, is going to die on this floor.)

Jack’s problem with pills started early, around the time he and Kent got serious enough to play for scouts that started coming around with the promise of watching the son of Bad Bob. 

(He was always partially to blame for Jack’s downfall. Kent had been the closest to Jack back then, had seen the signs, had tried to pull him back whenever he could, had been the one to ease Zimms down before every game, to be the one sitting in a corner with the bigger Canadian, running his hands over Jack’s shoulders and holding his hands, checking his breathing, helping him work through the anxiety.)

But, but!

That’s all old history, something Jack probably never wants to revisit ever again (because he cut you out of his life so well–), even when he makes it to the Falconers. 

(After that disaster at his school, well, no wonder.)

And Kent just has to deal with that, has to accept it finally, and just move on. 

(He could have been an Ace, just that fast, playing with Kent’s team of awesome guys. And fuck did it hurt when Jack turned him down flat...)

Until this little shit came along.

** 1

Eric Bittle realizes he’s severely messed up when he doesn’t kiss Jack Zimmermann at graduation. 

For two years, they’ve played hard hockey for Samwell, have gotten close, becoming best friends. They’ve held checking clinics, hugged tightly in cellys, watched boring as hell history documentaries on that god-awful green couch, and pulled each other back from the brink of insanity during midterms and finals. They’ve spent time in the kitchen with Bitty cooking and Jack working at the table. They’ve spent time outside in the quad, bullshittin’ like the oldest friends, chirpin’ back n’ forth like they’re two peas in a pod. 

Jack somehow started being his best friend without even trying. 

The last game showed him how close they’d become when he’s going through the empty rink, making it to the loading dock, just a flash of jersey leading him to Jack hunched over, tears in his eyes. 

The utter agony right there had gone through Bitty like lightning, driving him forward to hop up on the pallets Jack was sitting on, and wrap both arms around those wide shoulders, hold on to ‘im as tight as he can. 

“It ain’t your fault, Jack. You did so good with us. I’m so proud of you, honey, you have no idea. You worked so hard, so hard, Jack.”

“Bits,” is soft and sad, Jack choking a little, but those big arms come around him, crush him against Jack’s chest and the pads he’s still wearing. 

“I know, I know. Sometimes it just isn’t in the cards, no matter how hard we fight. You get that, don’t you? Sometimes it just is what it is.”

“I can’t–” accept that is what Jack wants to say. 

“I know it’s hard, but sometimes all the trainin’ and plannin’ and best of intentions just aren’t enough to tip the scales in your favor.”

And Jack seems to get something there, tightens his arms a little more, and holds on. 

It’s a little while later when Jack’s stopped shaking like a leaf, “I wanted to bring home a Championship. Wanted to make my mark on Samwell.”

“Of course you did–”

“Thought after all this time, everything I owe Samwell and the team, bringing me here, giving me this second chance–”

“Oh Jack,” at this juncture, Bittle’s head is under Jack’s chin. 

“I finally felt like I’d stopped fucking up,” is rough and dark in the quiet of the rink. “I thought coming to Samwell was a...a punishment. I dealt with it because I thought my life was going to start after, when I finished up my degree and got back into the Draft. But that’s...that’s not how it happened. My life started the minute I met you and the team and I remembered why the hell I love hockey so damn much in the first place.”

And if maybe a few slow, shameful tears escaped Bitty, well, no one would ever know.

But they got even closer as Jack’s graduation loomed, and Eric Bittle stayed in his own personal hell of loving Jack so much it ached, but helpless to stay away to protect himself. 

Instead, when Jack pauses at his door, Bits knows what he needs and finds space to lounge on Jack’s bed, scrolling through Twitter while Jack talks about the negotiations with NHL teams or works on his last assignments. 

Watching Jack pack his things, preparing for the Falconer’s training camp, getting ready for the next stage of his life, all of it makes Bits so dang proud and so sad at the same time.

But, well, nothin’ lasts forever, now does it.

When Jack ran all the way back to the Haus just to see him, just to pull him in hard for a desperate last hold, it was all Bits could do to stop from sobbing his heart out.

“–and you’re coming to Providence this summer to stay with me for a while, and-and I’ll be down when I can. You’re going to Skype me all the time. Bits, promise me. All the time.”

“Okay, Jack. Okay.”

Something soft in French that he has no idea what it could possibly mean, but he absolutely imagines Jack pressing a kiss in his hair. 

“I’m sorry, Bits, but I have to go. I...I’ll text you, okay?”

“Okay,” is more watery than he’d like, but he can look up in Jack’s blue, blue eyes and at least feel warm that he’s had this man for as long as he has. When Jack’s hands slide out of his, he somehow doesn’t feel like he’s losing anything at all. 

** 2

And just like that, Jack takes a step in his life he never could have predicted. Like an hour away instead of across the hall is enough to keep holding on, enough that Jack comes to Madison over the summer, enough that he asks Bitty to show him how to use FaceTime and SnapChat. 

It’s enough for Jack to pick him up off his feet every time they meet up and bury his face in Bitty’s hair. It’s enough for Jack to Skype almost nightly while he’s tuckered out in his bed, talking about the joys and pitfalls of being a professional athlete. 

It’s enough that he gets to meet the Falconers long before preseason starts, and the amount of pies he brings is literally obscene.

(It all works out just fine in the end because he goes home with the empty pans. Not a single slice left.)

It’s enough when Jack talks more about life than hockey sometimes, and Bitty is utterly helpless to stop any of it. And it’s funny, he thinks, how he was sure Jack would just flitter out of his life after a while. That they would be reduced to a Skype call once a week maybe when they find the time, then once a month, then not at all, moving into texting once and a while until Jack would be nothing more than one of his best memories of Samwell. 

It’s funny how he thought Jack moving into the NHL, moving to Providence, moving out of the Haus, moving on with his life, would mean also moving on from Eric Bittle.

And my, how wrong he was about all that.

Watching Jack play with the Falconers from the stands with the Stanley Cup on the line is not really where he’d thought he’d be once Jack had graduated. 

But, if anything else, they’ve gotten even closer than before. 

And when the buzzer finally sounds and the Falconers win it, he’s among the crowd running out on the ice for the biggest celly of the year. 

Jack spots him immediately, grabs him up with a victorious roar, and skates around people holding Bitty like a favorite toy until Tater scoops him up from Jack yelling about “Nook pies!”

Marty skates by him, ruffling his hair with something twinkling in his eye. Thirdy hauls him up, too, though Bitty has no idea why all these hockey players are just throwing him around when they’ve just won the Stanley Cup, but he still thinks it’s awful nice of them to include him in their celebration.

He doesn’t go back to Georgia for the summer after all or the next one before he starts his senior year, but goes between staying in Jack’s guest room and the Haus instead. His Mama’s not happy about it at all, but he’s a grown man, so that’s all she can say about that.

So Bitty passes the summer of his Senior year training with Jack or at Faber when the ice is up for grabs, works on some chapters for his someday cookbook, and continues his vlog so everyone can see how superior filo is to choux in the right circumstances.

With the season over after winning the Cup, Jack is over at the Haus more than ever if Bitty’s not in Providence already staying in his guest room. 

It should be strange to answer the door at the Haus on Saturday morning during the summer and see Jack there in his trainers, sweats, and t-shirt, wanting to hang out for the day after he’d put in a few hours at the Falc’s stadium already. 

(“C’mon, Bits. Can’t slack during the summer. You’re the captain. Set an example.”

“Jack, it’s summer. Leave me alone until at least nine am for goodness sake!”

“Not going to happen, bud.”)

It should be strange riding the train or in the passenger seat of Jack’s SUV on their way to Providence while he fiddles with the music and Jack doesn’t complain about the selection. 

It should be strange to wake up on Jack’s couch, laying on a broad shoulder with a heavy arm flopped around Bitty’s waist and logs being sawed in his ear.

It should be strange to know Jack’s kitchen better than the back of his hand, and to be giddy every time there’s a new utensil bought with him in mind.

(“Jack, why in the world would you need a dough scraper of all things?” “Not for me, Bits.”

“O-Oh!”

“Yeah. Thank Tater. He went with me this time. He held up that and said, ‘oh does B have one of these? It looks important.’ I didn’t know so I bought it in case.”)

It should be strange to see Jack’s Skype requests almost every night before bed, or have his former captain sprawled out in Bitty’s full sized bed once Lardo, Ransom, and Holster are already moved out and the new Waffles are well into the first semester of his senior year.

(“Good Lord, Jack, scoot over!”

“Mm.” Jack scootches maybe a foot more so Bitty can climb in beside him, already yawning. “Comfy, bud?”

“Gettin’ there,” and he absolutely ignores how much easier he falls asleep when Jack throws a heavy arm over him.)

It should be strange for Jack to whip him on up in a big hug when he admits the boys voted him as the Captain, and Jack breathes out, “damn right,” too close to his ear.

(“I don’t know if I can do this, Jack.”

“Too bad, Bits. Looks like you’re already doing it.”)

It should be strange for Jack to chirp him about his thesis, about his struggle with Whiskey, about why this darn strudel just won’t turn out right.

(“Jaques Laurant Zimmermann, do not make me ground you from pie.”

“Haha. I know you wouldn’t do that, bud.”

“Oh? Don’t be so sure, Mister.”)

It should be strange to get an earful when his new video comes out and Jack had no idea the jam war was that serious while Bitty has been supplying the Falconers for nearly a year. 

(“Are you kidding? Aunt Judy is really that upset?”

“You have no idea, honey. It’s almost World War III down there.”

“Good thing you’re stuck at Samwell.”

“Good thing is right! I don’t want any part of that mess.”)

But somehow it never is. Strange, that is, to have Jack so much. Even though nothing could happen between them (“Never fall for a straight boy.”), Bitty still can’t let go of Jack, can’t deny him, can’t tell him no, can’t be the one that fails to respond when Jack reaches out for him. 

Even when Kent Parson shows up at a Falcs game and cheers himself hoarse, screams for Jack right there on live TV.

And while trying to get through his dang senior year, trying to get his team to the Eastern Conference, he watches how Jack and Kent start to move back in one another’s orbit.

...which is probably why he doesn’t tell Jack anything about the scouts from the AHL coming to see him after the game with Princeton.

** 3

The Pawtucket Rebels manager, Michael McLean, is the one that meets Bitty with a Standard Player Contract the morning he gets back from Jack’s place when they’re going to be starting in the Frozen Four if they win the next two games.

The weekend away was nice, but he hadn’t been expecting Jack’s intention to introduce him to Kent Parson of the Las Vegas Aces. 

“We’ve already met,” Bitty had filled in, still shaking Kent’s hand with a distant smile on his face, “at the Haus party when he swung on by.”

“Not my best moment,” the Captain admits sheepishly, eyes not meeting Bitty’s, and dang it if the boy ain’t at least a little bit cute. 

“I suppose we all have our days,” Bits just drawls out and gives him a wink. He holds out the plate of fresh cookies as some kind of peace offering. 

The weekend was still nice, being caught up in Kent’s manic energy and Jack’s easy acceptance. But, he starts seeing the signs pretty easily, when Jack’s hand goes to Kent’s shoulder after a good joke, the exchanged glances that linger, the slowly dwindling personal space that used to be there for them. How they start finishing each other’s sentences, and oh, doesn’t it just make his heart give a little beat when he sees them both happy. 

(But doesn’t that just break it at the same dang time. Not only does Jack like men, but he’s already got his sights set on his old boyfriend. It’s almost enough to make a grown man cry. Bitty consoles himself after breaking down in his room on Sunday when Jack and Kent dropped him off at the Haus. Only Senor Bun knew how much he’d ugly cried himself out that night.)

When Mr. McLean gives him the contract to peruse and a business card with his information circled in blue pen, Bitty almost picks up his phone to call Jack, talk about what he would need other than a lawyer to go over this thing. 

He thinks about Kent and calls Coach and Mama the next morning instead, promises to send scanned copies of the contract. Mama asks if this is something he really wants to think about doing after graduation. 

“It’s money, Mama, a lot of money, and who knows? Hockey might not be outta my heart just yet. I’ll still have time for everything else.”

He only feels a little bit bad when Jack Skypes him on a roadie, set-up in a hotel, asks how his darn thesis is going, and promises to be at the next home game. 

Kent joins the call while Bits is slid down all snug and sleepy-eyed, kids around with him by making kissy faces. 

“College is brutal, Bits. You aren’t sleeping enough.”

“Well, now that’s life, ain’t it?”

Bitty knows something’s going on between them because Kent is shaking a finger at the screen and lecturing him about procrastination while Kit snoozes on. He’d only known if Jack told him about it.

“Bits, your thesis is basically about baking. Baking is the thing you love that isn’t hockey.”

“That doesn’t make it any easier,” Bitty slurs tiredly, wondering how he’s talking to the man that’s swiping his unrequited crush right out from under him even though he doesn’t even feel too bad about it. Not when he sees how good Kent is for Jack now, even if that hadn’t always been the case.

(Long as it makes Jack happy, I can endure it. It’s tough, but I’m tougher.)

But really. Kent Parson is so different from his image as the Captain of the Aces, Bitty can’t help but genuinely like the man. 

“I’m so jealous. I love peppermint cookies and I’ve never gotten any sent to me!”

Sleepy time Bitty makes a note of that even when the world fuzzes out a little bit more.  

“God, he’s so cute, Zimms.”

“Euh. He really is, Kenny. We should hang-up and let him sleep.”

Or he might of just dreamed that part.

The Aces have a hard game coming up, and he’s got his outline done, so the Haus is finally going to let him alone long enough to bake one single, solitary pie. In the middle of it, he certainly doesn’t expect Jack to show up with a six pack of Molson Blue, apparently assuming they’re going to watch it together and cheer on Kent.

“But I expect you to cheer for the Falcs when it comes down to us and the Aces, Bits.”

“Oh honey, I always root for the underdog anyhow.”

The chirp makes Jack flop back on his bed and laugh hard enough for tears to be in his eyes. Bitty just goes back to the Aces on his laptop and drinks Jack’s awful beer with a smirk.

He stirs a little from sleep to Jack talking softly beside him in bed since “It’s too late to drive back to Providence tonight. Move over, bud.”

He mutters something maybe, sighing instead when fingers comb through his hair. 

“That W was perfection, Parse. You were skating your best life out there, eh?...sleeping right now. Yeah, senior year is a pain in the ass...you bet I miss you. Three weeks, we’ll be close enough to Vegas...yeah, I’ll try to get him to come along, but the Wellies are getting closer to the Championship...he would kill to bring it home for the boys.”

But he probably imagined all that, too. 

Still, he’s got a short break before the next round of games, and just five days until his deadline to let Mr. McLean have his answer when Jack shows up at the Haus and is apparently confused why Bitty isn’t packed for Vegas.

“What do you mean we’re going to Las Vegas, Jack?!” Because this is the first he’s heard about it, and how does Jack already have a plane ticket for him?

“Come off it, bud. If I go there without you, Kenny will never forgive me.”

“How does he even know I don’t have a game?” He frets while putting sleep shorts in a suitcase, wonders if he should bring one of his suits since Jack is already wearing one. 

Jack’s brows scrunch together, “Don’t you talk to him on that–that bird one? All the time? He says he always reads your updates.”

He pauses with a pair of boxer briefs and gives Jack his very best unimpressed expression, “Jack, sweet pea, please tell me you didn’t just refer to Twitter as that bird one?” He carefully does not say anything about Kent Parson checking his Twitter updates.

The soft smile and shrug in reply answers that now doesn’t it.

“I swear, what would you do without me,” he sighs, a little throb of love getting caught in his chest, and he just busies himself right on past it, going for at least one pair of flip flops probably buried under mounds of winter gear. 

“Honestly? If I didn’t have you these last few years, maybe it would have been like what happened when I was in the Q,” Jack leans back on his elbows on Bitty’s bed, right beside the suitcase he’s quickly trying to pack. Being stuck between two button-ups, biting his bottom lip because he’s already bringing so much takes a backseat when Jack mentions the days he was in Juniors, and Bitty feels his eyebrows raise. 

“When we started checking clinics, you and me, that was the most...balanced I ever started feeling after all that. The, ah, overdose. That...that might have been where I ended up if it hadn’t been for you and Samwell.”

With a breath (because Lord, here was Jack finally talking about it, in such a soft tone, his eyes so very blue, and just! Well, he’s not made of stone and this is Jack), he scoots the suitcase back and plops right down on the bed, reaching for Jack’s hand. He carefully looks at the closed door and rubs those big fingers with his thumb.

“You honestly think you would have made those same mistakes without me, Jack?” He tries to be nice about it, “because I sure as heck don’t.”

His fingers tighten around Bitty’s, a squeeze, a soft thank-you.

“I mean, I didn’t know you back then, so I can’t say who you were, but there are some parts of that Jack left in the one I know now. And the Jack I know now is someone that knows how to lead his team, and takes care of them, who knows how to inspire them. The Jack I know got up extra early just to help this hopeless case learn to overcome his fear and be able to play hockey better than he ever could have before. You helped me not just be able to take the check, but I’m a captain, a center, and I earned it because of you. The Jack I know is selfless in so many ways and selfish in just the right ones, and dang it, he’s my best friend, so you better not say anything else like that about him again.”

The bed shifts under him when Jack sits up, a big hand coming up to palm the side of Bitty’s face so Jack can lean his forehead in, look straight at him from just inches away with those stupidly big blue eyes, and be so warm and just Jack. 

“You were never hopeless, Bits,” and with his voice that low, being this close, Bitty feels his cheeks getting warm, his eyes helplessly sliding down to Jack’s mouth.

The errant thought Vegas, we’re going to Vegas shakes him out of the moment, and he pats Jack’s forearm, gently pulling back from the very intense, heart-stopping moment where his brain almost killed him when it told him to just go on and kiss Jack.

But his brain also knows it would probably be the last thing he’d ever do with Jack because Jack has Kent for that now, doesn’t he?

Mentally shaking himself, Bitty stands quickly, goes back to his suitcase, “All right, now for heaven’s sake, Jack, help me here. I’ve never been to Las Vegas–”

And it’s not nearly as hot in Georgia as it is in Las Vegas when they get off the plane, but everything else about it is incredible. 

(He doesn’t think about how nice it was to ride next to Jack on the plane, talking strategy and the team, the upcoming games and new plays they might bring to the ice. It’s nice to hear about the Falcs eating his peanut butter and jelly sandwiches with hollers for more. The pies never last long and cookies are always a favorite.)

He might have worried for about a minute, fiddling with the Uber app on his phone to update his location, but Jack just lays a hand on his back and guides him out of the terminal. 

“Don’t worry about it, Bits, we’ve got a ride.”

And standing by a stunning red Ferrari is Kent Parson himself, grinning wide under his sunglasses.

“Oh my,” even if it’s a little breathless, he gives himself an out here because wow, it’s a nice car. 

(And he is not at all looking at Kent’s bare arms or muscled calves. Absolutely not. He’s already got one heartache, thank-you very much.)

He still squeaks a little when Kent literally picks him up off his feet and swings him around.

“There’s my guys! Falconers and Rebels!” Kent yells for half the airport to hear. 

Jack blinks and Bitty groans softly.

Those blue eyes aren’t accusing him of anything, but it’s that same confused look when he tries to figure out if the next song is Destiny’s Child or Queen Bey herself.

“Rebels?”

He doesn’t wince, but it’s a close thing.

“I’ll...tell you about it later.” He waves off, deflecting perfectly, and snaps up his luggage again now that he’s on his feet.

“Oh,” Kent looks from him to Jack and back to him, and his mouth opens probably to say something else no one else needs to hear.

“Thank-you for coming to pick us up, by the way,” he starts rambling right on, “I’ve never been to Las Vegas before. And we’re even going to watch a game? How exciting! Should I make something for your team? A good luck something maybe? Is there a grocery store close to your house? Can we stop? Maybe I could do a few apple pies and a strawberry one...?”

“You can make me food all day, B,” Kent smiles so wide and white down at him and just swipes his bag right up out of Bitty’s hand like it weighs nothing at all. “My favorite pie is peach, just in case you were wondering.”

Bitty slaps him right on the arm, absolutely offended. “Kenneth Virgil Parson the Third, like I wouldn’t already know what your favorite pie is! Why of all the nerve!”

And that is how Bitty talked himself right out of the AHL conversation with Jack. At least, for the time being. 

**

In the end, he makes two apples, two strawberries, and three peach pies, one for Kenny to keep at home.

Jack mutters under his breath about the Falcs needing a peach pie, and Bitty can absolutely do that once they get back home. 

The boys are wonderful at keeping him company in Kent’s big kitchen while he works, staying out of his way unless he directs them. 

“It’s not going to be a super exciting game. The Schooners are old rivals since before I came to the Aces,” Kenny shrugs, fish oven mitts on, and his own apron is really just Kit’s face blown up on a white background.

But the man’s fish oven mitt is–

Wait for it

– named Fish.

Because Kent is a master at naming things, obviously.

Kit Puurson is laying on the kitchen table from where Bitty banished her from walking along the counters while he’s baking.

“Now, don’t sell it short, sugar pie,” Bitty replies absently, makes the lattice on the last pie perfect. The A in the center is going to be great once the pie finishes baking. “It’s going to be exciting to see you play live no matter what.”

“Aw,” and Kent is smiling all nice at him now that he probably knows Bitty’s not gunning for his boyfr- for Jack, “you’re just saying that because it’s true.”

“Of course I am, Kent. It is true.”

“Any time you get bored of watching the Falcs, all you have to do is call me, Bits. I’ll have you on a plane in a hot minute,” and Bitty has to look over at him for that because it might have been a chirp at Jack, but the tone was a lil’ too serious for his taste.

“Who knows, Mister Parson, I might take you up on that someday.”

(When hell freezes over.)

“I hope so, Bits,” Kent’s eyes go to the masterpieces on the counter waiting for their turn in the oven, “I really hope so.”

*

At the game later that night, before the Aces take the ice, Bitty gets a Snap from Kent Parson. 

All the pie pans are licked clean. Not a crumb in sight.

Bitty sighs in unmitigated relief.

Even though he feels strange not wearing a Falconers or Samwell jersey when he’s at a hockey game, he can’t blame Jack for leaving their home team merchandise back in Providence. 

Earlier, Kent had tugged an Ace's jersey over his head and landed a cap as the cherry on top, winking at him while Jack was busy grumbling to himself about something or other. 

It feels odd to have someone’s name across his back other than his own (or frankly Zimmermann because Jack already gave him two hoodies and several other Falcs shirts, which was real kind of him, and they’re such nice clothes!), but his Mama would fly up from Georgia and whoop his butt good if she knew he’d refused a gift from a celebrity. 

So, even with Jack scowling, he accepts the jersey and hat for the game tonight.

He and Jack find their seats, right behind the bench, and it looks like they can finally settle in.

Jack keeps a running monologue of stats and predictions, leaning in to Bitty while eating the carrot sticks they'd packed in so Jack wouldn't be tempted with junk food.

This boy and his rigid schedule of cheat days. Honestly.

And Bitty is content to talk hockey and the upcoming season, is content to talk about the Samwell team and the next game coming up. 

He gets to watch Kent and the Aces make an opening lap around the rink to wave at their fans, laughs at the finger guns right in their direction.  

He settles on in to watch what will probably be a good game no matter what Kent said earlier, and of course, Jack chooses then to bring it up.

"Are you going to tell me about the Rebels anytime soon?” Jack is watching the game when he finally says it, something in his tone of voice that sounds a little closer to mad.

Bitty looks over, guilty as sin, and Jack looks back, all kind of calm.

“I...I didn’t make a decision or anything–” he starts then turns away from those blue eyes. “I-I should go get us something to drink! Jack, what do you want to–”

He’s halfway out of his chair, but Jack’s hand on his wrist stops him, pulls him back down to his seat.

“Don’t be mad!” Bitty sighs, loud and long, “I didn’t even know what to do when Mr. McLean came to see me.”

Jack hums, “You could have called your best friend who happens to be a professional hockey player.”

“That will be enough chirps outta you, Mister Zimmermann. You were already having a time with the changes to your medication, and I didn’t want to add anything else to your list.”

Jack guffaws at him, “that was two months ago, Bits, and my anxiety is under control. You could have told me anytime since then.”

“Well, I–” and Bitty has a moment where his mouth almost runs right away with him, and he almost tells Jack they ain’t datin’ so not everything has to be out in the open.

“You?”

And even though Kent has the puck, Jack’s eyes are all for Bitty.

“Jack,” he sighs, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“You can tell me anything. You know that, right bud?” And that line between his eyebrows lets Bitty know Jack is actually concerned.

“Of course, Jack, I...I just. I don’t know, you’ve got your own career to worry about, and I don’t even know if I still want to play hockey after graduation, nonetheless with a team in the AHL.” He shrugs lamely, pretty sure Jack probably thinks he’s an idiot.

“There’s nothing wrong with that, Bits. You don’t have to make a decision right away.”

“Well, I’ve got about five days until he wants to know if I accept their offer,” Bitty rubs the back of his neck, cheeks pink. 

“Oh. Well, you should let me read the contract anyway, eh? At the very least, it could help you make a decision if the offer isn’t for much.”

“If– I mean, if you want to? That would be real nice.”

“Euh. Tomorrow morning after my run, we’ll look at it.” Jack gives a sharp nod like he’s accomplished something, pats Bitty on the shoulder, and goes back to the game, just as pleased as pie.

**

The win was really something for the Aces, and he gets to meet Swoops, Poots, Scrappy, and Gopher when Kent tells them the baker of the pies is at the game.

“Oh my God, I ate like three pieces,” Swoops pats him on the shoulder and laughs.

“I’m so glad you enjoyed it!”

“Oh totally. Gopher can’t help himself around sweets, so you might get a marriage proposal if you aren’t careful.”

“O-oh my! That’s mighty sweet, but I would hate to have to break his poor heart.” Bitty laughs a little and doesn’t notice how Jack’s eyes narrow. 

It’s entertaining as all get out when Jack groans at the amount of chirps he’s already gotten for being a Falc instead of an Ace.

“He’s got important...things in Rhode Island,” Kent had finally said to his team, which Bitty did not understand at all.

(But, it does make sense. Jack wants to stay close to Shitty and everyone from Samwell. He couldn’t be part of their nearly everyday lives if he had joined the Aces.)

They drop by Kent’s house to change clothes, and head out to celebrate the victory with the team, and all that fluttering around his room at the Haus is suddenly worth it when he looks damn good in his button-up with a black tank top underneath and a pair of shorts that look like they’ve been painted on his ass.

When he comes downstairs, Kent wolf whistles and Jack gets red in the face.

“Are you sure–” Jack starts, a little stuttery that makes Bitty preen.

“Mister Zimmermann, it’s best you do not finish that sentence,” Bitty snipes with his nose in the air.

It’s absolutely satisfying when two very cute boys dance with him at the club, grinding on him and having a heck of a good time.

He doesn’t notice Jack’s sour face until the third or fourth song in, and by then, Kent is making his way through the crowd. 

The hand on his arm pulls him out from between two different boys, and Bitty is just about to give whoever it is what for, but Kent just shifts to grip his hips and pulls him in, back-to-chest. 

And Lord help him, Kent is an amazing dancer. How does he even get himself into these things?

** 

Watching his favorite person, favorite people, dance is giving Jack too many Ideas.

He already has plenty when it comes to Bits. Even more when it comes to Kenny since they have history to fall back on, but for Kenny and Bits? His brain might shut down because Jack is even more invested in that. 

(Kenny hasn’t said anything, but Jack knows him, knows what the look in those eyes means when he watches Bitty. Instead of Kenny trying to talk him into asking Bitty for a date, maybe Jack should be trying to do the same. Or-or talking about if all three of them…?)

As is, Jack has a lot more thinking to do after this trip.

“I swear I take care of him as much as he lets me,” Jeff is saying, “it’s not like it’s his first year anymore. He’s way past all that, Jack.”

“I know,” Jack downs his beer, tries not to be too irritated at Swoops because of the attitude. Since he and Kenny have been talking again, he knows more about that first year with the Aces and Kenny’s struggles after the Draft than he’d wanted to know at the time. He hadn’t wanted to focus on the difficulties his best friend was having with a new career as a professional athlete, was more concerned about getting himself through rehab. 

He’s been finding out about those struggles and bad times, feels better knowing about all the things he’d missed out on back then because that means Kenny is talking to him again.

(“You cut me out!” Still haunts Jack sometimes when he thinks about how he did that to his best friend, his other half. At the time, it had seemed like a trade he didn’t have any other choice but to make, give up his best friend for the chance to get better.)

Jeff was the Ace Kenny billeted with his first year, and the two are close. Maybe even closer than Jack and Kenny had been in the Q. 

He doesn’t deserve to be jealous of that, but somehow, he still is.

“I did him wrong when he was in the Draft,” Jack finally admits to Swoops, “and I’m glad he had you and the team there when he needed you. I just...I just want to make sure he’s okay. Kenny means a lot to me.”

Swoops raises a brow over the beer he’s drinking. “He was pretty torn up over you that first year, Zimmermann. If I could have, I would have found you and punched you right in the nose for that kid.”

Jack shrugs a shoulder, “would have deserved it.”

“Yeah, yeah you would have,” but it seems like the salt has gone out of Jeff’s spine, and he slumps down in his seat across from Jack. “I had to tell the team not to mention your name for a long time. Not gonna lie, when you got picked for the Falcs, I drove over to his place and stayed the night in case he had a breakdown.”

And oh does that hit Jack right in the heart. 

“But, he was...not okay but okay? He was happy for you, is the point.”

Jack’s heart twists painfully at that, “Euh. He’s a better friend than I deserve.”

“You know, he told me about going to your college, right?”

Jack looks Swoops in the face, thinks he might get a little more clarity about that night of the Epikegster.

“Yeah, he did,” because Jeff can read the tell me more on Jack’s face, “and he beat himself up about it for months. Told me he ran off at the mouth because he was angry at you. Hell, you weren’t even happy to see him.”

At the time, no. No, he wasn’t. 

“It was...a shock. We both said some pretty harsh things, I think. But, we’ve come a long way since then.”

“I’d say so. He can say your name without looking like he’s going to start crying now at least.”

Kenny…

“I’m not going to do that again,” Jack feels like he needs Jeff to know this. “He’s stuck with me this time, eh?”

Swoops laughs and raises his glass for Jack to tap with his own, “here’s hoping, Zimmermann. Here’s hoping. But hey, at least he has someone to help pick-up the pieces.”

**

Kent manages to get them through the throng of people at the bar and get them bottles of water, bracketing Bitty in with his arms to keep people around from jostling them.

They’re both sweaty and panting after the last song, and Bitty doesn’t even know how he managed to survive pretty much humping a professional hockey player on the dance floor without embarrassing himself.

“That was so fun,” Kent leans down to talk in his ear since they’re so close to the music, “can we dance some more?”

“Of course we can, honey,” Bitty tilts so he’s talking in Kent’s ear, and it presses them closer together, “but do you need to check in with your team?”

The laugh is low against his neck and Bitty almost, almost shudders.

“My guys are big boys, Bits. They’ll be fine without me mother-henning them to death.”

“Well, all right then, handsome. You’d better get me on out on that dance floor before someone else does!”

And it’s another song or so before they get a slow one. Kent manages to maneuver them into a corner, and pulls Bits in for a slow dance.

“Lord, that was fun,” Bitty doesn’t think much of it, his hands around Kent’s neck. “I don’t think I’ve had this much fun in a while.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” and Kent gives him that big ole’ smile that makes his whole face light up, and Bitty can’t really blame just one bit for just how cute Kent is in that moment. “I’m glad you came with Jack, Bits.”

“Me too. I had reservations with how close we’re getting to playoffs, but I’m glad I could take the time.”

The hands on his hips squeeze once, and Kent’s face falls, his eyes darting away.

Bitty moves a hand from around his neck to his face and turns him right on back. “Hey, what is it? Should we go?”

“N-no, no. I was just–” and Kent looks back at him with a frown, leans in a little to talk quieter. “Do you still hate me? From when I came to your college?”

And oh. Oh my.

Well, looks like they’re going to have this talk, aren’t they?

“I mean, it’s okay if you do. I was...a dick, okay? I was a complete and total dick. Zimms and I talked about it some, so-so he gets why I said some of the things I said because I mean, he just–and-and I… There’s a lot is all I’m saying. It was awful, not-not all of it, but therapy kind of helps a little? Sometimes it helps I mean, dealing with it when I found him like that, and then later when Big Bob–”

Bitty gently puts a hand over Kent’s mouth to shush him on up. 

“Kent, honey,” he tries softly, misses how those eyes get wide above his hand, “I understand how someone can say mean things when feelings are hurt, and it seems like you and Jack have mended fences since then, right?”

Kent nods without dislodging his hand, but his eyes are shiny and just oh, that poor boy. Jack had talked to him about those days back in Quebec with Kent Parson as his right-hand man, Bitty knows Kent is the one that saved Jack’s life during that overdose. He knows how quiet and strained Jack’s voice gets when he talks about it, can only imagine how terrified Kent had been finding him, performing CPR, getting him to the hospital in Bad Bob Zimmermann’s car.

He can’t touch that painful past for either of them, wishes sometimes he can give that back when he hears how wistful Jack sounds, sees how Kent sometimes looks like he has regrets. No, Bitty can’t fix their past for them, give them back their innocent days, but he can help the people they are in the here and now, can’t he?

“Well, that’s good to hear. What’s really important is that you don’t do that again, all right? Don’t take your anger out on Jack even if he might deserve it sometimes, and don’t ever say those horrible things to him again. Okay?”

Kent blinks at him and his eyes go softly half-mast. He finally nods with Bitty’s hand still over his mouth.

“Good. Then, we’re all fine, right?”

Another nod and a squeeze to his hips.

“Wonderful. Now Mister Parson, we are going to finish this song and then go back to your boys to celebrate. Maybe if we’re lucky, they’ll play ‘Crazy in Love’ later because that is one of my favorites.” He takes his hand away and grins up at Kent while his heart beats harder at the soft smile looking down on him.

“Good plan, B. If they play it, you can only dance with me, okay?”

“Well, when you put it like that, how can I refuse?”

Sure enough, the DJ plays ‘Crazy in Love’ and Bitty is pretty sure Kent’s the one that asked for it. That absolutely doesn’t mean he gives it any less ass shaking than it rightfully deserves.

**

He’s happy to see Jack laughing with Swoops and Poots when they finally tear themselves away from dancing, and Bitty absolutely refuses to drink whatever fruity thing Kent offers him because he’s not twenty-one quite yet, thank-you very much Mister Parson.

But the Aces are so nice when they leave, thanking Bitty again for his victory pies. He waves them off and doesn’t mind Jack’s hand at the small of his back when Kent guides them out.

(Later that night, he pretends he doesn’t hear Jack get up off the couch and walk down the hall to Kent’s room and softly close the door. But at that point, he’s not sure if he’s still a little jealous, or even who he’s really jealous of if he’s honest with himself.)

He eventually gets a few hours of sleep, and still wakes up god-awful early anyhow.

Since he’s been in this kitchen for three days already, he automatically puts on coffee and pulls out what he’s going to need to feed two big hockey players. 

He doesn’t even register Kent in the doorway watching him until the first cup of coffee is gone and the second is on the way there.

“Oh my Lord!” He fairly screams when he notices Kent watching.

“Sorry,” is totally unrepentant, the ass.

“You sure look it!” Bitty chirps back after his heart has climbed down out of his throat. “Goodness sakes, were you trying to give me a heart attack?”

“Nah, you just look cute in my kitchen, all busy and stuff. I like it.”

And well, that just takes the words right out of his mouth, so he goes back to make sure the bacon doesn’t burn while the quiche cools.

“Bits?!”

Jack is flustered and drenched from the shower, skittering almost right on the ground. He’s only got a towel around his waist and his hair is all over the place.

Bitty can resolutely say it’s the best morning in the history of mornings because that towel is awful short and Jack’s legs are awful long.

“I’m sorry! He just surprised me, we’re fine!” Bitty flaps his hands to shoo Jack out of the doorway. “Go on now and finish your shower. Breakfast is almost ready.”

Jack wipes water out of his eyes from his dripping hair and looks down at him silently.

“I promise, Jack. Go on now. Shoo! Naked is for the bathroom and the locker room.”

The slow grin is really just the nail in the coffin because no man should be that beautiful, it’s really not fair to the gay population. 

A glance at Kent’s shit-eating grin and he has to silently amend that statement. No men should be this beautiful.

While Jack trucks back down the hall, Bitty grabs paper towels to sop up the water he’d trailed, giving them up to Kent when he gets a frown for trying to clean up.

He tisks to himself and pours Kent a cup of coffee, mixing in the right amounts of cream and sugar, hands it to him when he throws away the wet paper towels.

He puts the bacon on another paper towel to get some of the grease while Kent sits down with his coffee. 

“I had so much fun last night. I can’t thank-you enough for taking us.” As he puts the quiche in the middle of the table.

“I had fun, too, B. Most the guys won’t dance no matter what, and you are awesome.”

“You’re not so bad yourself, sugar pie.”

Kent laughs at him, but reaches out to grip Bitty’s wrist before he can go back to the stove, “but, just so I know...you really don’t hate me anymore, right? We’re friends now?”

Oh, this must be the I need to tell you as Jack’s friend that me and him are datin’ talk. Lord, help him get through this conversation.

“Now, Kent. I already told you last night as long as you don’t hurt Jack like that again and have significantly groveled, we’re all fine.”

“Yeah, I know, but I mean, you and me. We’re fine, too, right?”

“Why of course we are.”

“Okay. Okay, good. I just wanted to make sure.”

Bitty pats Kent’s hand with the free one, “and you already know you can talk to me about anything, right? If things like that are bothering you, you can talk them out with me before you go and say something like that again, okay?”

“Yeah. Thanks, Bits.”

“You’re welcome, Kent.”

He retracts his hand with another pat and goes back for the bacon, waiting for the something else that might be on Mr. Parson’s mind.

“Bits?”

Mmhm. There is it. “Yes, Kent?”

“You...can call me Kenny, too...I mean, if you want.”

The bacon plate in hand, and Bitty turns to look at the pink cheeks on Kent Parson, the way he doesn’t meet Bitty’s surprised eye.

(Even with all his team and the press coverage, he’s only ever heard Jack call Kent ‘Kenny.’)

“All right then, Kenny,” and oh is he grinning, thinking about chirping him just for fun. “I think we’re just about ready for breakfast.”

Nothing else comes of it, and Bitty’s not sure if he’s relieved or not.

 **

Jack slowly, methodically reads through the scans of the Rebels contract he’s got back at Samwell. Kent reads over his shoulder, eyebrows squinty in concentration.

Lord, they look so cute like that. It’s really surprising no one else has picked up on the dating yet because these two are absolutely transparent.

“So–”

He gets twin wait a minute fingers. 

“Well fine then,” and he meanders in the kitchen to see if maybe he should make those peppermint cookies after all. 

A batch later and both boys come on in and sit at the table with the tablet between them.

Bitty absolutely puts the cookies in the middle and pours glasses of milk. Kent looks from the plate to him with wide eyes. 

Two seconds later, he’s already demolishing his third.

Boys.

“All right, you two. Give me the low-down.” Bitty waves a hand over his shoulder and starts washing up dishes.

Jack tells him how it seems to be a right fair offer for a rookie hockey player. The money could be better, but well, it ain’t too shabby. 

Bitty sighs because the money is utterly obscene. More than his scholarship to Samwell for all four years.

Kent has no problem finishing Jack’s thoughts when he trails off, longer in the profession than Jack. He gives more examples of what bad contracts would probably be and makes Bitty wonder if this isn’t his first time helping with these sorts of things.

Well, as Captain of the Aces, he probably has. Not to mention how he babies his rookies. 

“So,” Bitty finally bites on his lip, looking down at the tablet, “so if...if I wanted to keep playing hockey after graduation. This is a good opportunity, is what you’re tellin’ me.”

Both Jack and Kent nod at him, serious as a heart attack.

“This is a good opportunity, Bits.”

“But,” Kent looks at him seriously, “we aren’t agents, either. This is from our experience. For a professional opinion, I can suggest some guys, so can Jack, that can haggle the contract for you.”

He stands at the sink with soapy hands braced on the edges, just looking out the window into Kent’s nice backyard. 

Kit is lounging on a dishtowel right there on the ledge to get some sun.

And just like his worst tendency, Jack stands up with a cookie and saunters over to stand beside him, back against the counter.

“It’s a lot to take in, bud,” is all growly and soft.

“I never imagined playing hockey after this year,” he admits, “buying a bakery, sure. Learning under other chefs, maybe taking a turn in another culinary art, yes. But, professional hockey? Hell, I couldn’t take a check without passin’ out a few years ago, Jack.”

Jack munches on his cookie, watching Bitty’s profile with soft eyes. “True. But, couple years ago, you wouldn’t have thought you’d end up Captain, and be on your way to the Frozen Four, eh?”

Kent shuffles his feet a little but boosts himself up on the counter beside Jack. “The AHL is like, our version of boot camp, you know? The kiddie pool before you hit the NHL. And there’s a four-season standard for that reason, B. You’ve got four seasons to play your best game and see if the Scouts are interested. I mean, a lot of guys that get a bad break and don’t make it, they can renew their contracts every four years or join the practice teams. Guys that still want to play hockey, like a lot of the guys on the Rebs.”

“That offer is for one season, though.” 

“Sure,” Jack fills in, meandering back for another, handing one off to Kent. “It’s a chance to get your feet wet, Bits, see if you can make the first year. I didn’t get a four-year from the Falcs until I got through the probationary period.”

“Lucky they didn’t make you billet, Jack. That’s usually a requirement.”

“Nah, I was old enough. Marty and Tater kept up with me, though. And I had Bits,” Jack shrugs and promises himself this is the last one even as he eyes the full plate.

He glances over at the serious expression on Bitty’s face, thoughts turning behind his eyes because now he’s thinking about it. On one hand, yes, he wants his bud to stay close, be on their sister team’s roster. Pawtucket is only twenty minutes or so from Providence, even closer than Samwell. 

(Jack wouldn’t have to lose him if Bits accepts the offer, keeps playing hockey. Jack thinks he’s terrible for wanting that as much as he does.)

For Bitty, the eminent future is looking closer and closer as this year draws to a close. Getting this offer was terrifying because of all those what if’s?

Kent hums around a mouthful, leans around Jack to look at him. “Sure, but you never know, B. You take Samwell to the ECAC, and there might be more people coming to talk to you.”

“Sugar pie, I’ve seen what you and Jack are up against. If there’s one thing I’m absolutely sure of, it’s that I’m not ready for the NHL, no matter how far we go this year. But–” he sighs a little.

“But what, bud?” 

“...the real question is, what if I’m not ready to give it up once the season’s over?”

Kent chuckles at him around the last bite, “then you’ll have a year with the Rebels to figure out if you’re done with hockey, or not.”

He catches his breath a little (could it really be as simple as that?).

“...that’s what I needed to know, thank-you boys.” He pats Kent on the leg and Jack on the arm, taking up the tablet, swinging right around to go back to the stove and wait for the next batch, hip hitched on the cabinets while he reads all over again.

He’s going to call Coach and Mama when he gets back to Samwell. Then on Monday morning, he’s going to call Mr. McLean and accept the offer.

 ** 

It’s not his fault most the people he’s friends with are so much taller than him. 

Really, it’s not. 

So when Kent just grabs him up before he and Jack get on the plane and hugs him tight for long minutes, Bitty’s feet dangle off the ground, but he’s pretty much used to it by now. Shitty broke him of it first, Holster helped.

“I’m going to miss you,” is said against his shoulder because he thinks Kent might just be tearing up.

Because of Jack.

Because Jack’s leaving.

Right?

With his feet still dangling, he pats the back of Kent’s head soothingly. “I’ll miss you too, honey. But, it’s not forever, right? We’ll see you again.”

Kent eventually put him down when Jack laid a hand to his shoulder and turned him in for a hug, and Bitty looks away when Kent wraps himself around Jack like an octopus, shoulders shaking just a little. 

Jack makes soothing circles on Kent’s back, talks softly in French, and just holds on for a few long minutes. Bitty makes himself busy by checking their luggage tags and slips away to get them some coffee from one of the twelve Starbucks in the airport.

A caramel frappuccino helps a little, and Kent just sweeps him on up again.

Jack keeps a hand on the back of Kent’s neck until the very last second, and something in Bitty’s chest tightens a little, but for the very first time, he’s not sure if it’s for Jack touching Kent like that or if it’s for Kent being all upset they’re leaving.

Something to think about another day.

As is, he’s got a thesis to write, a team to take care of, and a pair of professional hockey players that need fresh baked goods. His plate is pretty much full.

** 4

His vlog has always been somewhere to vent when he needed to, and even if he doesn’t have a huge following with millions of subscribers (yet), he didn’t think things would turn out this way.

But, the school newspaper he usually ignores puts it right out there for everyone to read.

Eric Bittle of Samwell’s Own Hockey Team is the First Out Captain in the NCAA

Dex is there to put a hand on his shoulder when he feels like he suddenly can’t breathe.

Someone watched his vlog and picked up on a few things apparently (“Never fall for a straight boy.” Those words are going to haunt him forever). 

He’s out to the team, but not the rest of campus. Good Lord. Hopefully no one pays it any mind, and they can just ride right along to the next game.

It does not go away.

Instead, the news catches fire, and before he knows it, his face is on ESPN as the first out NCAA captain. The rainbow background isn’t doing him any favors, but in between the panic in his brain, he thinks the yellow of the spectrum looks real nice with those shorts.

Chowder is the one that calls him in to look at the breaking story, looking over the couch to take note of Bitty’s face. 

He shows how much his reflexes have improved when he throws himself over the couch and latches on when Bitty’s knees fail and he almost sprawls himself all over the floor. 

His phone is in his hand, and Chowder is talking, saying something. He didn’t know when Ollie and Wicks, Dex and Nursey, Tango and Whiskey and Foxtrot, River, Hops, and Louis all got there crowded around him, but he just seems to blink and there they all are.

“I,” he starts loudly, immediately quieting everyone with a single word, “am going to make a pie. Everyone is welcome to hang out while I am doing so.”

So, he makes a pie and while he does, he makes a plan.

He talks out how this could affect the team’s chances of getting to the Championship, how this could affect how they play, how they plan to win the next few games. Bitty thinks it might be smart to step down as captain, being pragmatic as possible now that he’s not panicking about finishing the season and his senior year at Samwell. 

Whiskey, who he hadn’t been able to connect with all darn season (more n�� likely because he found Whiskey at that party kissing the Lax bro), smashes his fist on the table and says that’s a whole lotta bull. Bitty’s the one that got them this far, and he’ll take them the rest of the way.

(Bitty still has several talks in the next few days. With the coaching staff, with Samwell administration, with the entire gathered team. He gives all of them the same option. He’ll give up being captain or all out quit the team if this would hurt their changes to go to the Frozen Four. He gets the same denial, loud and belligerent from his whole team –which warms his heart, honestly. They’re all such good boys.)

They decide to handle it one game at a time, and break for the night. In his room with coppery fear still in the back of his mouth, he holds his phone and stares at the contact information for Home. 

He’s almost pressed it when a FaceTime request comes from Kent.

Almost at the same time Jack doesn’t bother to knock, but just throws his bedroom door open, looking like he’d run miles.

Throwing himself to his feet, both hands up, he probably looks terrified because Jack scared the absolute heck out of him. 

“Bits,” and now it’s Jack that’s got both hands up, coming at him, “Bits, it’s okay. It’s okay, bud.” And he really means to say something, but he’s just all caught up in Jack. He smells so good and feels so nice, he’s strong when Bitty feels weak and shaky, picking him right on up and sitting down to fold over him like a big Canadian blanket.

“What a horrible way to be outed,” he laughs through the shakes, but his voice is hoarse. “This is absolutely awful, Jack.”

“God, it really is. I’m so sorry this is happening to you, Bits.”

“Lord, I’m making a fool of myself. What’s done is done, I suppose.”

“Still, I want to be here for you.”

“Oh, honey. I appreciate it.”

And he just lets himself sink into Jack a little, burying his face in Jack’s neck, just tries to breathe.

His phone goes off again, and this time Jack picks it up, sees who it is, and taps the top of Bitty’s head with it.

He thumbs the request without looking, just keeping his face right where it is. This is the best he’s felt since that awful ticker tape just laid out his biggest secret, and put a big ole’ target right on his back.

“Hi Kenny,” and he’s proud his voice sounds as steady as it does.

“Hey B,” is so soft and concerned, his heart gives a little patter. 

Jack holds the phone for him with one hand, and squeezes him tight with the other. 

“This sucks so hard, B. I’m so sorry ESPN gives a fuck about college sports enough to do something shitty like this.”

He raises his face just enough for Kent to see half his face out of Jack’s bulk. “One of those silly human interest stories, I guess. Too bad they got a little too interested, huh?”

“You can totally sue the shit out of them, okay? B, I know a guy. He could get you millions.”

“That won’t make everything right, Kenny, but thank-you for being here with me.” He gives a shuddering sigh, “I’m still going to have to deal with the backlash, and as much as I hate it, so will the team. I haven’t talked to the administration or the coaches, but it might be smart if I step down for the rest of the season, maybe quit outright. Then the boys might still be able to make it to the Frozen Four…”

“You’re two games away, B. You can’t give up now!”

“Agree. You got them here, they’ll have your back, Bits.”

“Kenny, Jack this is hockey. Everyone we go against from here on out is going to be gunning for us. The things they’re going to say to the boys–”

“They’ll handle it. Trust me,” Jack soothes, “they won’t let you give up either.”

“Well, I suppose we’ll see come Monday,” he’s tired, but there’s no slowing down right now, even if Kent is petting Kit and Jack’s lap is absurdly comfortable.

“Besides,” Kent continues, “you’re not alone, B. Plenty of us in the NHL. We’re just not like, out out. Maybe to our teams and stuff, not like, outed on ESPN or anything, fuck those guys. You seriously don’t want me to contact my guy for you? He got 6.8 million dollars for a celebrity case–”

“So you’re out to your team then, Captain Parson?” He blinks because the way Kent just came out with it, not a stutter one, shakes him.

“Huh? Well, yeah, of course I am. I’ve been on the Aces for years, Bits. These guys are like my family, so yeah, they know.”

“O-oh.”

Kent blinks at him, pauses. “Ah, I didn’t come right out and tell you, but yeah. Me too, so it’s okay, B. You’re not alone.”

It’s that moment when Jack leans down, shifting so Bitty’s looking up at him. “You’re not alone,” Jack repeats softly, “I kiss boys sometimes, too. None of that changes how good you are at hockey, and none of that changes you, okay Bits?”

And Lord above help him. He throws both arms around Jack, biting his lower lip between his teeth, and shaking like a leaf in a wind storm.

“Jack...Kenny…thank-you, boys. Just when I need you, and there you are.” He chokes a little, and there’s Jack folding down around him, there’s Kent holding Kit closer to the phone, sending virtual purrs and cuddles.

He doesn’t feel that bad wrapping his legs around Jack’s waist shamelessly, locking his ankles in the back, and just not facing the world for a while. 

It gets a little better when Jack tries to squeeze into a pair of his shorts while Kenny is brushing his teeth and talking about the camp they had at a local rink, running drills and plays with some of the high school kids from around the area. 

But everything in the world absolutely pauses when Jack clears his throat awkwardly

And really, God Bless Canada. 

The little sigh that comes out of him is echoed from his phone, and yes Kenny, they do have good taste.

“I can’t sleep in these, Bits, ah, sorry.”

But that color blue stretched taunt against Jack’s big thigh is just the best sight he’s probably ever seen.

“I’m sorry, but that’s all I’ve got to offer. I can go talk to Dex?” Because Chowder has wider shoulders like Jack, but is about a foot shorter.

“Eh, not necessary.”

And well, yes. Bitty knows Jack wears cute little briefs. They were on a team together, have spent time in the locker room, have seen the occasional moment before towels go on. It’s men’s sports for crying out loud. 

But none of that, absolutely none of that, prepares him for Jack shimmying out of those shorts for black briefs that absolutely mold to his behind and cup the front of him. The real coup de gras is that t-shirt coming off, and heaven help him, it’s muscles for miles. 

Only those little briefs between Bitty and what the Good Lord gave Jack, the definition of fine walking across the room like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. 

Bitty unabashedly watches, lips parted, cheeks a soft shade of pink. 

Jack closes the bathroom door, smirking where Bits can’t see, muffled noises as he roots around in the bathroom for a spare toothbrush. It gives Bitty can just take a second to himself to take in this whole situation. 

He’s been outed on a national sports network that may or may not take the question of the Rebels right out of the equation

Chances of going all the way to the finals is looking slimmer and slimmer the more he thinks about it

Jack and Kenny confirmed some of his suspicions and it’s an absolute crime and a blessing that they’ve found each other again

Jack has gotten bulkier than Bitty realized in the last year and a half playing for the NHL and his ass should be marked as a dangerous weapon

He hasn’t answered any of the phone calls from home

Still, Coach sent him a text, Call your mother. She’s worried about you.

 And top of the list, Jack Zimmermann is in his bathroom, shirtless, barefoot, after just having verbally come out to him.

If there was ever anyone that deserves to be up for Sainthood, it’s this good ole’ Georgia boy Right. Here. 

With his head in his hands, he groans softly, and scurries to throw on his own sleep clothes, stripping down without a thought more than those short on Jack and those shorts off Jack.

“I absolutely feel you,” a breathy chirp, and he forgot Kenny probably saw the entire thing.

Bitty spins, almost ready to start getting on a boat down that river called denial when he realizes Kenny is giving him the most devilish looking smile.

“It’s really unfair that he’s a hockey God and blisteringly hot to boot.”

“We are the best of friends, I’ll have you know Mister Parson. Jack doesn’t even see me that way, even after tonight. Besides, I’m pretty sure he’s got his eye set on someone prettier than little ole’ me.”

He throws the covers back to busy his hands, but can spare a second to put some charm into it and look back at Kenny with a wink. 

It’s either the best or the worst timing because Kenny gets this look on his face, opening his mouth for something that might have been good or bad, when Jack comes out of the bathroom smelling like mint and looking like a touch could burn you down to the ground.

Kenny looks at him for a few long seconds while they’re climbing into bed, and chirps them about hands above the comforter and hockey bros cuddle like champs before he yawns and finally hangs up for the night.

The sheet gets maneuvered between them so he’s not going to be tortured most of the night with only his sleep shirt and pants between them–

(and those sinful underwear, he’s never going to forget those)

–so it’s suspiciously easy to drop off with Jack’s arm around him and snoring in his ear.

**

The next two games are utterly brutal. 

Ice bags are wrapped around his shoulder while he sits in his spot in the locker room, forearms on his knees to just hurt while Chowder is talking at his right and Dex at his left.

The bruises tomorrow are going to be beautiful, but heck, what’s some bruises when Samwell is officially in the Frozen Four.

Lord, they made it.

And he will start celebrating, right after he can raise up his arm again.

Oh, that’s going to be sore tomorrow. Making pies for the campus captain club is going to be awful, isn’t it?

He manages to get the ice bags off in time to walk with the boys back to the Haus, Ollie already scooping up his bag and Chowder, bless his heart, hovering anxiously right by him the whole walk there.

They don’t make him do a keg stand this time, thank goodness, but the party celebrating their win is well underway in less than an hour.

It’s real nice when the Lax bros bring in a stack of pizzas and slap him on the back in congratulations, like he hadn’t just been outed on national television. (He loves Samwell so much.) Chad L. says a whole bunch of something that Bitty tries to follow and ends up handing him a plate with pizza and accepting a piece of pie in exchange. 

The fire extinguisher is in plain sight to remind the footballers what could happen if they don’t behave, and at least two of his boys hang around him most the night, bracketing him on both sides to keep an eye on him. Ollie and Wicks pop around the corner periodically anyhow.

He catches Chowder taking a picture for social media, has a second of panic, almost tells his sweet son not to do that because everyone knows, but shuts his mouth last minute and straightens up to grin for the next one.

**

The night the news came out, Bitty changed his social media to private, hoping to avoid some of the homophobic comments. Since the morning after (and it’s a crying shame he missed seeing those little black briefs again since Jack was already dressed by the time he got up), he’s been talking to pretty much everyone.

Most of all, his Mama and Coach...and Mr. McLean.

Jack squeezes his hand, and Bitty bites his lip, but still, “I’m afraid I don’t think I should accept your offer after all. This isn’t going to blow over any time soon.”

“Mr. Bittle. I’m interested because you’re fast, you’ve got soft hand, and you’re a good fit for the Rebels. As far as I understand, this isn’t going to change any of that.”

“O-oh!”

“If you want to play hockey, Mr. Bittle, you can do that with us.”

And it’s there when he looks in Jack’s blue, blue eyes, when he thinks about Ollie and Wicks, when he thinks about Shitty being so kind when he’d come out to the first person on the team. It’s there when he thinks about being terrified at that first check practice, when he thinks about how dang far he’s come in four years.

(It’s tough, but you’re tougher.)

“I want to play hockey, Mr. McLean.”

“That’s the spirit Mr. Bittle. I’ll send you training camp information in the next week or so. Welcome to the Pawtucket Rebels.”

If Jack holds him tight while he almost shakes apart once he hangs up the phone, well, only Chowder and Dex will ever tell a soul because they fell on him and Jack like a ton of bricks, hugging him and laughing.

**

Shitty, Ranson, Holster, and Lardo make the trip from Boston to show up on the Haus doorstep before they’ve even finished clean-up from the party the night before.

Before he knows it, he’s got Shitty crying all over him, telling him he’s so proud and Bitty’s just the best little captain there ever was.

It’s so nice because Shitty is silly as hell, but he’s an amazing friend in times of need. 

And he can’t say it isn’t nice when Shitty picks up the loud speaker and starts shooing the rest of the hanger-oners out.

“Frozen Four!” Ransom crows, “our guys are going to kick some ass.”

“You said it, bro,” Holster warmly pats Bitty on the shoulder with one of those big hands while this pie is just coming along easily enough.

The flinch when the bruises ache is enough for more ice bags to get wrapped around him, and Shitty to shake a finger in his face, talking about taking care of himself. It might not be a concussion, but they’ve got serious games coming up, and he needs to be tip top if he’s going to take them all the way.

Bitty takes it to heart and lets them baby him for a few hours.

It does get worse when Dex and Chowder see Holster pulling the neck of his shirt up a little to check how bad it is, and then he’s got more hockey players in his kitchen butting in. Luckily, Dex is getting just as good at making pie as Bitty, and finishes up the lattice work perfectly.

He talks strategy with Ransom and Holster at the kitchen table while Lardo makes another pot of coffee, and Chowder subtly slips the bottle of ibuprofen next to him. Whiskey listen to them strategize for the upcoming games, and my, don’t it feel so normal.

He hugs Shitty again, holds on just as tight as he can, and thanks the Good Lord for such amazing friends.

**

Mama and Coach are more understanding than he ever would have imagined, taken in account what a shock it is just to come across the television like that.

“Dickey, honey, now you know,” and she has to pause because Lord, his Mama is crying, “you know you can always come home. Always. No matter what. We love you. We love you and everything else, we can figure all that out.”

And so, since he’s never said it, only thought about what could happen, he tells her, “Mama… I’m gay.”

“I know, sweetheart. I know and that’s-that’s fine. We can figure it all out. But, you can come home sometime before the semester ends, can’t you?”

“N-not while we’re close to the Championships, Mama. I-I can’t–”

“Junior.” 

And now he’s glad he just called instead of trying to FaceTime. So glad he doesn’t have to look Coach in the face right now.

“You’ve done a heck of a job this year. Been a good captain. You know me and your mama are proud, don’t you Junior?”

And there goes his lip all trembling, his eyes getting hot. Only Jack squeezing his hand keeps him together at all.

“Y-yes, Daddy.”

“Good. You just keep fighting. We’ll be here cheering you on, all right?”

His breath hitches in his chest, “yes, Daddy.”

“That’s my boy. You can do it, Junior. They’re tough–”

“–but I’m tougher,” and he’s covering his eyes, shoulder hunching down. Jack goes from holding his hand to pretty much lifting him up enough to slide on Jack’s lap.

“That’s right, son. You sure as hell are.”

He sighs out, a soft noise. “I am, Daddy. We made the Frozen Four.”

“Go get ‘im. Me and your Mama are behind you all the way.”

And even if Coach gets squicky when it’s time for I love you, Bitty manages to get it out anyhow.

“Love you too, son. Now you gotta stop, or else your mama’s gonna drown me.”

The thick laugh is so much better than crying. Jack thinks so too apparently, squeezing tight while Bitty’s sitting on his thighs.

If he thinks there’s a kiss pressed to the top of his head, well, he’s just going to blame it on being emotionally overwrought and leave it at that.

**

He didn’t bother with pads, just pants, sweatshirt, gloves, stick, helmet, and skates. The ice is quiet as can be in the morning light bouncing off Faber, making it beautiful.

Kenny’s far enough ahead of them that he’s on a break from practice, already home making brunch. “Big Red is going to be killer, B. Cornell is ruthless. Fighting Hawks from North Dakota.”

His skates cut through the ice until he’s gliding, hitting the long stretch, pumping as fast as his legs can take him, cycling the puck. 

He doesn’t reply to Kenny, just listens while his muscles burn, his mind works, he sees the next move like a playbook. 

Over the past four years, he’s gotten stronger, faster. Sure, he’s smaller than the average hockey player, but that don’t mean weak. Everyone they’ve played already figured that one out now didn’t they?

His arms and shoulders burn when he swings high, throws some muscle in it when he slaps the puck right in the sweet spot of the net.

“No fair, B. I want to watch!”

“I’d have to set my phone in the stands, sugar pie.”

“If that means I get to watch you do suicides, I’m on board.”

Bitty laughs out loud because Lord, he sounds like Jack. 

“Trying to kill me before practice?”

“Captain’s prerogative, babe.”

Obligingly, Bitty sets up his helmet, laying on it’s side, throws a t-shirt in it to hold the phone up, and FaceTimes Kenny.

He gives the captain of the Aces a wink and then takes off to the blue line. He’s got his game face on, stick balanced perfectly, moving like his ass is on fire.

After a good turn out, he skates back to the stands where Kenny is very close to the screen. 

“Well, there you go, Captain,” he snickers, scooping up the whole thing so Kent goes around the rink for some easy, cool-down laps with him before the boys start meandering in for practice. “That what you wanted to see?”

“You? Are fast, B. That was incredible.”

“Oh, sugar pie,” he grins down at Kent’s face in his helmet, “you say the nicest things.”

“Hey, I’m not being nice, Bits. I’m saying as a professional hockey player that you? Are fast.”

“Well, so are you. Short guys like us have a tendency to out-maneuver the big guys.”

“I’ve based most of my career on being the fast guy on the team, B, but I don’t know how I’d hold up against you.”

“Mmhm. I also haven’t been playing professionally for the last few years, tearing the fire out of my knee, Kent.” Very serious because he’s counted how many nights he’s seen ice bags over that knee in the last few weeks.

“Also true. It might be surgery for me this summer, but that should do a lot. I’ll have maybe ten years instead of five.”

“So you said. Your doctor is talking about it again?”

“...yeah. He says it should do wonders for where I’m at right now, and this might be the year to just do it and get it over with.”

“Three-time Stanley Cup winner is where you’re at right now, sugar pie.”

The laugh is nice, but now he’s wondering if he can convince Kenny to come to Providence and stay with Jack during his recovery. That’ll let Bitty be close enough to come over and take care of him while his knee heals. He’s already thinking it over when his third lap is coming up.

“B.” Startles him right out of his thoughts.

“Kenny?”

And something is there in the way Kenny is looking at him from the screen. “Be careful at the game tonight. Watch out for the Minnesota D-Men, okay?”

“Thank-you, sugar. You watch on out for those Rangers.”

“I will. Just send me a text when the game is over, even if I’m in overtime, okay?”

“You know it, honey. Now go on and get a nap. We’ve both got a busy night tonight.”

**

This could be the last time he steps out on the ice. This could be it. All of it could end right here right now. 

They’ve got to play their hearts out. He’s got to give it everything he’s got. For himself, for the boys, for Samwell. 

It comes down to this, facing Minnesota’s line like there ain’t no going back.

**

He sits on his bed, faggot and fairy in his head from the game earlier. He doesn’t accept Jack’s call because his face is a mess.  

Well, serves him right because Jack just shows up at the Haus an hour later when Bitty has finally got it together.

**

The check is absolutely brutal. 

He used to be floored by it, curled up in a little ball on the ice, couldn’t move, couldn’t think, could barely breathe. 

But not this damn time. Oh hell no. 

It’s fast when he’s back up on his feet, shoving his way through bigger men than him and stealing that puck right on out from under them. 

He feels like he’s got wings on his feet when he glides by them like they’re just standing still. 

**

Mama and Coach are here because they’ve come down to the last stand. 

This is it.

Jack and Kenny are both there and where in the world they got #15 Bittle jerseys, he will never know.

Number #82 has already been gunning for him, but the last one is the very last of Eric Bittle’s patience running right on out.

His heart is racing, his legs burning, skates cutting ice as he steers around players, gritting his teeth against the ache, and for the first time, he’s gonna stand up, holler out that no, he’s not gonna take that nonsense lying down.

The moment slows down for long enough that he feels weightless when he pushes off, is airborn, shoving all his weight right into #82 just as they’re at the Samwell bench and shove the both of them right in with the boys.

It’s a tangle of arms and legs and skates and sputtering. 

“Try me again, asshole,” Bitty sneers in #82’s face with the face guards the only thing between them. 

“Homophobic prick!” One of his boys shouts.

Coach and the boys pick him up (shocked because he doesn’t usually have a need for potty mouth thank-you very much), want him to go get checked out while the ref blows the whistle just after Whiskey gets the puck, and now it’s all on Samwell.

He doesn’t get a penalty, thank goodness, and argues loudly with Coach to let him back in the game, he needs to get back. It’s not like he lost a tooth, just some scratches from going over. It’s a long look in his eyes before Coach just throws up his hands and shoos him back. 

And Bitty’s not thinking about Jack and Kenny and Shitty and Lardo and Ransom and Holster and Mama and Daddy and everyone else up in those stands screaming for them when he hits the ice again. He’s not thinking about how badly he hurts or the scratches on his face. He’s not thinking about his thesis or graduation or his spot in Jack’s guest room. 

He’s only thinking about the tied score, the next play, and how they’re going to show these away boys exactly who’s house this is.

**

And his arms strain when his stick comes back, when he slams that puck with every ounce of strength he has left. His heart thuds hard in the back of his mouth when their goalie’s hand shoots out, tries to catch the puck, just the tips of his gloves skimming the surface.

The alarm blares and the scoreboard changes so fast, Bitty’s not really sure what happened until his boys slam into him, gather all around him, screaming.

He’s dazed, fingers limply holding his stick, eyes still stuck on the scoreboard even when they lift him up, stick and all.

The crowd takes to the ice, and he gets his helmet off in time to get hugs from Mama and Coach, in time to accept the huge trophy, him and Coach and Dex holding it up with all the boys around them just a hooting and a hollering all over the place. 

Ransom and Holster catch him right up off his feet, crying all over him when they tell him how proud they are.

The interviews shake him out of the daze and he tells the viewers at home that the team fought hard for this and earned it all themselves. He’s proud to be their teammate and captain, he’s proud to be a Wellie, and darn it, their hard work paid off.

Just as he turns, sees Chowder going past with three of their guys behind him, singing the Samwell song at the top of their lungs, he catches Jack and Kenny standing on the ice by the boards, watching him with soft smiles on their faces, and his eyes get hot abruptly, get full as can be.

Center ice, just like with the Stanley Cup. And this ain’t that now. This? This one is all his.

He feels his lower lip tremble just a little, puts his hand up to stop it, but dang it if Jack and Kenny aren’t just easing across the ice toward him with those smiles and his name across the back of their shoulders.

He gets a hand on the back of his neck and a shoulder to hide his face while the whooping and celebrating gets loud, loud, loud.

Lord, he’s going to vlog the hell out of this tomorrow.

**

Shitty is naked. 

While it’s not new (they’ve been to Haus 2.0, and yes, Shitty was naked there too. Good times, really), Bitty has always had reservations about him being skin-to-fabric on that dang couch. Who knows what he might get. Well, all that spilled tub juice probably goes a long way to sanitize. Or so he says to keep his revolution to a minimum. 

Watching Kenny get his ass handed to him from Lardo is hilarious. Watching Jack give in and have a chugging competition is even better. 

He’s lucky the ECAC playoffs beat the NHL by almost a month. Jack and Kenny have another week before they start getting serious. 

Ransom and Holster are talking animatedly with the Waffles, back slaps all around. He’s pleased as can be when Shruti, Sharon, Edgar, Chad L., and some other captains drop by to say congratulations and have a piece of pie. He doesn’t see Jack pause over his shoulder while he talks up a storm, doesn’t see the considering look on Jack’s face.

Something about this Bitty hits him harder than the last four years, makes that perpetual tightness in his chest mean something completely different than anxiety.

He should have realized it long before his graduation, should have been terrified of it all happening again. 

Bitty affects him in so many of the same ways Kenny does, and it’s an amazing yet terrifying thing for Jack Zimmermann. Feeling like this person you’re looking at is literally made for you. 

And just as he starts taking a step forward, pushing himself in to stand at Bitty’s side like he’s done the majority of their friendship, Kenny ducks out of nowhere and takes him by both biceps. His expression is desperate.

“You’ve got to stop her. Zimms. Zimms, be on my team. Right now.”

It’s so absurd because it’s Kenny and also because he knows no one is beating Lardo. 

Ever.

Anything else is wishful thinking.

He casts a wistful look at Bitty, animated with his big win, and if Jack literally has his heart in his eyes until they’re out of sight, then only Chad L. from would have seen it.

**

Later on after the captains have said good night and some of their...guests have started staggering out, cheering for Samwell, for hockey, for tub juice, and for pie. 

For this one, Bits really couldn’t take credit because Dex really made most of them, bless his heart.

Moving around the party-goers with a spare trash bag to pick up a bit, he spots someone sneaking upstairs, pauses to squint up in case he needs to charge on up there and firmly remind people the upstairs is off limits. 

Or break out the fire extinguisher.

Either way.

...but he knows that ass in those jeans, and gasps softly as Jack’s plaid is bouncing up the steps ahead of Kenny. 

And, he can let out a sigh, catch just a little bit of bittersweet. But, if there is anything Eric Richard Bittle prides himself on, it’s being a good friend. If Jack and Kenny needed a-a wingman or whatever, then he’s just going to dang well be that.

He keeps an eye on the stairs for the rest of the night for more than one reason. No one, no one, is going to disturb them when they’ve finally come this far, and even if he silently dreads it, hopes they at least used his room instead of a bathroom for heaven’s sake.

[unordinary-analysis]

Episode 166

Honorable mentions:

I always love seeing a student with John’s old ‘loser’/helmet hair lmao it makes me happy

For the first time ever, when I say ‘Remi, pop off queen’ you know I actually mean it lol

Tldr: the high-tiers (can’t really call them “royals” anymore can we) establish themselves and prove their worths as paragons (perfect examples) of what royals should be and i applaud them for it

The amount of joker masks that the superhero posse brought in has to be representation of their power. Isen, the lowest-ranking of the superhero posse brought 1, Remi brought 3, and Blyke brought 3. You might be thinking ‘hey remi is more powerful than blyke’ but we know that he’s been working hard recently and because he only has one more mask than Remi, i think this idea is plausible. so let me believe that blyke is more powerful than remi please.

Nothing to really say about Isen except that he needs a hug

Going to ignore that remi listed cecile as someone she wanted to recruit help from because i would just get my hopes up

Only occured to me now that i could pull off a John and Rei comparison especially after reflecting over episode 150

Arlo and seraphina give off such close vibes and it’s obviously because they got close (or at least intensely familiar) when they were the king and queen and i just- i absolutely love when plots or characters go full circle and reflect (revisit?) the start of the story even though that sounds anti-development, it’s not im just bad at explanations.

WHAT I WOULD GIVE FOR CECILE TO BACKSTAB JOHN not that i don’t like john because i absolutely aDORE him because of his impact on the story, but i just want to see Cecile backstab someone and john is convient

just me talking for a bit, scroll if you want to skip to the actual content i understand ;( :

Okay: so.

I’ve figured out that instead of putting little talkative comments in the honorable mentions like I’ve been doing lately, I can put them here and not feel like total trash and that I’m downgrading the post so that’s fun.

Anyway, sorry if the massive ton of parentheses(?spelling) i'm using is confusing or hard to read. I mean, I won’t fix it, but I hope it’s not too bad ya know

Again: sorry for talking like im texting someone in 2017 it’s an issue, im aware. No one ever says anything, but yeah?? Im sorry???

Im panic-writing this an hour before the new episode drops so hopefully this is up before then, there’s no real hope though it takes me 10 minutes just to transfer this from my google doc to tumblr because i have to manually re-add all of the bold and italics and bullet points. Still not removing this bit tho even if (lmao “if”) it’s late ;)

Talking too much, but whenever you see (?”spelling/grammar/word choice/etc”), that just means that I messed up in that way, but I’m too distracted to fix it. Figured i should say that eventually seeing as i literally do that every post

Next post will not be written in first person at all because i think it makes these feel way too familiar and makes new readers uncomfortable which is stupid but is how i would feel so we’re experimenting. If you’ve never read one of my posts, i just act very informal with everything i do and i just want to say, i'm not in this tightly knit niche group that reads these and that ive been friends with for years. i just. Talk like this. So don’t feel like you’re eavesdropping by reading one of these. I really hope im not an outlier in feeling this way when reading other peoples post because if nobody actually feels this way, im bout to be real embarrased oops.

Im getting the talking out of my system because no talking next post.

Yeah this post is late. But: i stopped for pizza in the middle and my webtoon isn’t loading so im like sitting around waiting for it to

Remi:

    Now, in this episode particularly, it has occurred to me that I need to give Remi credit where credit is due. I made a post (AN: multiple posts but we’ll ignore that) over a year ago talking about her abilities as queen and- I did her pretty dirty. Not unfairly, but dirty. I basically dissed her a lot and said that she wasn’t a good queen in any sense. And I’ve done this multiple times (AN: ignore last AN) because I can remember at least 2 other times when I just berated Remi over and over for being shit queen.

    I’m not going to disagree with myself in this post (because I didn’t lie), but I want to give her some credit because I do believe she has changed recently and it has affected how I view her as a position of royalty. And, yes, while it is unclear if she is currently technically still a royal, what with John having somehow destroyed the entire concept of Wellston having royals (?), she has been taking the actions and responsibilities that a royal would. So-

    What made me want to write this out was in this episode, episode 166, I really realized/noticed her attitude and actions dealing with and revolving around this whole joker situation (currently more about the fake jokers) was?? Actually productive?? To explain: In this episode, we see Remi approaching a group of low-tiers who are worriedly talking about the joker situation and 1. Analyzes the conversation in reference to the measures she, Blyke, and Isen are taking to prevent the situation, 2. Reassures the low-tiers that qualified help (her, Blyke, and Isen [aka the superhero posse]) is doing the best they can, and 3. Asks if they have any suggestions or ideas that might help them attain their goal. Like?? Hello?? The Professionalism? And the way she didn’t let her disappointment that her previous efforts up until now affect her is a stark contrast from the Remi of the past. I’ve ripped her apart because of just how often her emotions would completely overwhelm any sense she had. So: that stood out. But, anyway, big picture again: This whole short little scene from her was so impressive?

    Honestly, the fact that Remi is going through all this effort to stop the fake jokers and make sure the low-tiers are safe is very different than what we would’ve seen from her in the past. One of the common reasons that I kept saying Remi was a bad queen was because she didn’t care about her responsibilities and didn’t take her authority seriously. There are even examples of Arlo, or others, telling her this (the example that came to my mind was when Remi was warning students about EMBER and Arlo stepped in [and the reason behind the events of this example helps to support my next point] {ALSO (sorry) afternote: I was reading through everything I’ve ever said about Remi’s leadership and I used this exact example in my post “Remi” from just over a year ago}). Another reason that I was against Remi as queen, which ties nicely with the previous reason (this sounds like repetition of like two seconds ago when I said that my last reason would support this point, but it’s not because words), was that she prioritized personal missions over things her school needed her to do. I remember being very pissed around episodes 110-120 because she ignored the big conflicts happening at Wellston in order to track down this separate crime organization (EMBER) and took Blyke and Isen with her (royals)(who were both against the idea). And I know that her reason for doing this is valid and I do respect her for attempting to avenge her brother, and I would have let this slide if she gave one thought or listened to Isen and Blyke at all about Wellston. I know this still sounds bad on my part, but it was many instances stacked on top of each other of Remi being, not just unconcerned, but unknowing, about Wellston’s current state as a school. At that time, Remi was the queen, she was one of the school’s royals, whose job was to maintain order and peace within the school. I couldn’t see any instances of Remi even attempting to do that. That was in the past though, because obviously, things are different now, like I said. Currently, Remi has gone out of her way to dedicate herself to the wellbeing of Wellston, that is obvious in the way she has been talking with low-tiers and unmasking fake Jokers. I only hope that her new motivation isn’t just a phase brought upon her due to her personal relationship/conflict with Joker, with John. I want to know if John ever happens to be dethroned or Remi somehow gets her technical authority back, will she still be dedicated to the school, or is her motive purely situational? I hope not? Because we’ve seen lots of change from her recently what with learning of the low-tiers mistreatment and all, so let’s cross our fingers.

    Regardless, there has been improvement in Remi. In her leadership and dedication. And that needs to be acknowledged. So I am doing it. Yeah. Here you go. Badge of honor for Remi.

    Obviously, most of what I’ve said also applies to Isen and Blyke, who are honestly going above and beyond (especially Blyke), just this section is a response to my previous statements of how Remi is not a good queen, not only for Wellston, just in general. And, again, while I still agree with my evaluation of Remi as a queen in reference to her past self and past episodes, This is a new development I felt obligated to talk about. :).

Blyke’s idea (?word choice confuses me):

Wowee this is a fun one. So: Blyke broke up a fake joker fight in a hallway this episode, and i just have to acknowledge this like I did for remi: props, but anyway, I was very intrigued by the way he handled the damage control like?? He refuses for the fake joker to be unmasked (?grammar) and gives the reason, “I’m not about to show his face so that you all can just gang up on him later!” And: applause. I think that this has occurred to me before, I just never dwelled on that idea, so I was taken off guard by this from Blyke. He was able to understand this and form a plan with how to deal with it? I don’t know about you, but that screams king behavior. Anyway, what Blyke does is take the fake joker to a separate room and unmasks him privately then talks with him as a way to both protect the fake joker’s safety and discourage him from any future stunts like the one he pulled a sec ago. And?? This is so great because, guys, this is liTERALLY the concept of like anger management and behavior therapy?? 

I especially liked how Blyke took the time to hear the low-tier out(something that the high-tiers are really starting to do [technically because of john because john became joker and caused all of this {and since john wanted to destroy the hierarchy because high-tiers didn’t give a shit about the low-tiers in a way he’s achieved his goal, albeit unknowingly}]). And, like i literally just said, by hearing him out, he’s creating yet another bubble of safety around the low-tier because immediately after (okay maybe not immediately, blyke did scold him a bit), Blyke says that whenever the low-tier is being picked on, he can come to Blyke. And NOT ONLY does this whole thing help with the fake jokers issue, but Blyke, along with Isen and Remi, are creating trust and respect between the low-tiers and high-tiers. This is them doing the hierarchy right! They are establishing themselves as leaders and as people that can be relied upon, which is exactly who the royals are supposed to be.

Just want to say: He also talked about how the guy who got attacked should also reflect on his actions, and yes, this deserves recognition, but this has been a common theme, so I didn’t think it was worth really discussing. Blyke got bonus points for this. Extra credit if you will.

    Remi’s idea:

    Back to Remi, but her idea about recruiting John to help get rid of the Jokers? Excuse me? The innovation, the growth, the potential. And, I know this was shut down pretty quickly by Blyke, but I still have to talk about it??? And this section is starting off horribly because there was absolutely no transition or introduction but hello?? 

    Anyway, obviously the fact that Remi would even suggest getting any help from John (Joker) is astonishing. 1. He literally beat up everyone present in the scene 2. Honestly from what john’s doing for all anyone knows, he likes that low-tiers are faking being joker (remi even points this out lmao) 3. Again, he beat everyone up? Not exactly looking good for any kind of compromise. And yet despite these obvious reasons, Remi still lists him as a possible ally. Why?

    Because when she met up with him before he completely dethroned the Wellston hierarchy, she noticed similarities in their goals and their beliefs. She says, and quotation marks mean quote, “When I spoke with him… I really thought both of us wanted the same thing… Just that our methods of approaching the situation were different.” !!!!!!! Remi knows that they really want the same thing: a safe environment for low-tiers. That was the one thing that John kept repeating over and over when they met up and talked (episode 150) (other than the fact that royals are shit but-): he wanted to create a school environment that was safe for the low-tiers. Whether or not that’s his goal now, or if he’s acting with that goal in mind, Remi obviously remembered this the most from their conversation because it seemed so similar to the way she was thinking. And Remi thinks that it would be possible that John would prioritize this over his dedication to his own personal project of destroying the school :).

    Anyway, this whole idea is scrapped by Isen and Blyke who give valid arguments as to why trying to ally with John is a really bad idea, but oh my god the way my heart stopped.

    This section is basically a summary and very quick, but this scene in the comic was riveting because of this. I just don’t know what else to say.

[no-other-words]

later is now

synopsis: two years worth of photos on Hinata’s Instagram and not a word from kageyama. you’d think after an entire high school career spent with the most sociable human on earth, he would’ve pick up some communication skills but here he is—sitting alone in the locker room crouched over his phone, brooding over the fact he can’t even press ‘like’ on a harmless picture, let alone comment. #major manga spoilers ahead #post chapter 370 #slight angst? and fluff? #pre-relationship

Don’t be dramatic, dumbass. You’re making it sound like I died.

‘then where have u been? where did u fuck off to kageyama?

---

His thumb hover dangerously close over the heart sign, frozen in mid-air just like how he’s been frozen in time for the past years. There’s a calm before the storm until the nerves eventually get to Kageyama and his hand recoils as if the photo he’s staring at is a violent wake up call.

Hinata’s gotten a bit more tanned from the last time he posted a picture. Darker around the arms and legs, it highlights the toned muscles developed over the years. He’s got an even larger presence than the one Kageyama holds onto in his memories. Still the same smile though—vibrant, bigger than life, and nothing held back.

It makes his chest hurt.

The photo is of Hinata posing on a beach alongside a fellow volleyball player. He’s wearing a sleeveless tank and Kageyama finds himself staring at the biceps bared to the world. His account is private right? It better be private. Thirsty messages should not be welcomed in the comments.

He hears his name being called from outside the locker room. It’s time for practice.

Stolen moments are just that—fleeting minutes playing catch-up with Hinata picture by picture. Then, it’s back to reality and the court in front of him.

In the end, Kageyama decides on doing nothing and shuts off his phone. He pockets it in the jacket, his last name printed gloriously over the V.League team’s red and white jersey.

Two years’ worth of photos on Hinata’s Instagram and nothing from Kageyama.

You’d think after an entire high school career spent with the most sociable human on Earth, Kageyama would’ve pick up some communication skills but here he is—sitting alone in the locker room crouched over his phone, brooding over the fact he can’t even press ‘Like’ on a harmless picture, let alone comment.

Pathetic.

---

Thinking back, he should have said something. They were once partners for god’s sake, and now they might as well be strangers from the gap Kageyama’s unwittingly carved between them.

His last interaction with Hinata from the chat box, when Kageyama follows him on Instagram a few months after he’s landed in Brazil. He’d been immediately DM’d, Hinata calling him out for being late on the social media game.

‘ur now a part of a professional team! u need to make ur presence known or ur fans will be real sad’

Kageyama hadn’t responded.

He hasn’t done anything, in fact. No messages, no likes, no comments, no replies. The only thing that holds to his account is a profile picture of a Mikasa volleyball on the old Karasuno jersey. He’s here to play volleyball on the national stage, his game can speak for him.

By the time he’s realized his mistake, Kageyama finds himself frequently checking Hinata’s Instagram page and revisiting old posts. That—he’s allowed to do, no? And it’s an impressive curation—hundreds of photos narrating his two years stay in Brazil. Two years’ worth of change, growth, learning, and memories that Hinata’s making.

Two years without him.

Kageyama finds it hard to keep up sometimes. Following his life in the form of mere pictures and captions doesn’t really fill the void.

---

The only wisp of connection he has to his old team is through Tsukishima—the salty bastard of all people. When the blonde messages him though, Kageyama is already aware.

For the first time, Hinata has posted a video. It’s short—capturing only a few seconds but those seconds are enough. The pants Hinata wears are tight and moves enticingly with his quads. They bend, expand, and hup—from the sands, Hinata soars above the net, his wings in the form of haloed sun-rays, and passes the volleyball to his spiker.

Hinata has learned to set. And what a beautiful set it is.

Kageyama smirks. Nothing less from a starved crow.

He re-watches several times, unable to let go of the breath he’s been holding. If he does, the magic will go away. Something tightens in his chest. It spreads and grabs hold of his stomach and twists and turns and evolves into a fierce wanting.

Tsukishima’s text repeats in his head.

Looks like he’s aiming for FIVB World Cup. Maybe you’ll see him in the next Olympics?

He watches the video again. Memorizes the form of Hinata’s jump, the curve of his spine, the reach from his arms. His hair floats airily in a poof orange cloud, his lips slightly opened in concentration.

Alluring in every possible way.

This time, he doesn’t hold back. kageyama.t leaves a heart on the post along with a simple comment.

You can do better.

---

‘kageyama? omg zombie-yama has resurfaced from the dead!’

‘both a like AND a comment? wow did i do to deserve this? has hell frozen over?’

The twelve-hour difference between them has never had an impact for Kageyama. They don’t even talk anymore so what’s it to him if he misses a few instant messages from the person he’s been silently following (stalking) online since forever?

Apparently, a great deal.

It’s already 11PM in Brazil, Kageyama impatiently notes. He should know better than to wait until it’s a better time for Hinata. But like a landslide racing towards the end, the compulsive words are typed and sent before he knows it.

Don’t be dramatic, dumbass. You’re making it sound like I died.

‘then where have u been?’

Kageyama almost drops his phone, not expecting the quick turnaround from Hinata. His heart beats annoyingly loud and it’s the only thing he hears in the room.

Why are you still awake? Isn’t it late over there?

‘i cant sleep. u know how i am. a ghost from my past decided to come back to life’

The sad thing is he’s right. Kageyama knows him all too well. He swallows the hard lump in his throat.

‘dont u dare ignore me. where did u fuck off to kageyama?’

He also knows Hinata rarely gets mad. This is one of those rare times. His head starts to buzz.

Nowhere. Volleyball’s been keeping me busy.

‘too busy to talk to a friend?’

His breathing quickens in short and shallow bursts. Questions, fears, and doubts swell into his mind and he needs to look away from the screen for a bit. Calm down—Hinata has all the right to call him out.

Maybe it’s a mistake to like his post.

No. Hinata deserves that and way more.

Maybe that’s why he should’ve reached out earlier. Ease it in. He should’ve responded to that first message.

He should’ve done a lot of things.

‘dont ignore me. ur not a coward.’

Kageyama stares at Hinata’s words. Damn him for always being right, for pulling him back. For saying things as is and pushing him to further ends.

I don’t know what to say.

‘well ur in luck. u can practice whatever u need to say with me soon. can u pick me up from the airport this weekend?’

What

‘im coming home for a visit. plane arrives at 4:30pm jst. terminal 1’

Home. He likes the sound of that.

Why me?

‘y not? my fam’s out of town and u owe it to me.’

Sneaky little turd.

Kageyama bites off a smile.

Fine.                                                            

‘come prepared. u and i have a score to settle’

You and I. Him and Hinata. Sounds familiar.

Sounds fitting.

---

When they meet, every memory made at Karasuno comes rushing like a giant wave riding the high winds.

First year nationals when they suffered a defeat with Hinata off-court. Hinata’s struggles in the academics and Kageyama’s equally abominable grades. Their makeshift practices during lunch on the school rooftop and late-night snack runs after training. Second year’s expected yet satisfying loss to Dateko and a hard-won third place in third year. The utter thrill of the orange court, the intensity of the game. The fleeting glances, the accidental touches.

The implicit words. Unspoken feelings.

The unequivocal promise after a splendid receive from Kageyama’s serve.

See you later.

Hinata unabashedly marches up to Kageyama, suitcase in tow, and punches Kageyama hard on the chest.

He expects it just as much.

The shorter man doesn’t pull back, instead spreads his hand wide and presses against Kageyama’ body. In the middle of a large, well air-conditioned airport, the spot where Hinata’s touching him is blazing hot.

“Damn it,” Hinata hisses through his pout, “you’re still bigger than me.”

Kageyama snorts. Figures he’d say something stupid first.

He’s stumped at what to do next. Two full years of going radio-silent on the man (man, not boy anymore) has him doubting again. What’s acceptable, what’s appropriate, what’s allowed?

He starts to open his arms and Hinata jumps into him instantly, strong arms over his shoulder and his face buried in the crevice of Kageyama’s neck.

A fresh whiff of his hair and Kageyama softens. Things are…alright. A void is being filled.

Hinata’s voice is muffled against his neck, absolute yet frail. “I missed you.”

He did too.

“I’m still mad at you.”

“I know.”

“We have a lot of things to iron out.”

Kageyama gulps. “Okay.”

“Kageyama?” Hinata pulls back, determination flashing in his eyes. “It’s later.”

He still remembers that perfect form Hinata had embodied on the other side of the court, meeting him halfway in both passion for the sport and a knowing smile.

See you later!

Someone probably has already recognized him as a member of a V.League club, but he doesn’t care. Tightening his hold around Hinata, feeling the defined muscles hot under his grasp, Kageyama lays his forehead on Hinata’s shoulder in an act of release.

“Yeah, later is now.”

---

a/n: because the way i cope with the recent chapter is creating headcanons and writing them out

[villainhore]

Do you go to any writing workshops or just any guides that help you with navigating your writing?

honestly, not at all! ive never taken a professional writing course/class etc. the last writing course i ever took was in high school several years ago and it didnt help at all because i was worried more about my marks, rather than my craft at the time. (i think w/professional learning, that is often inevitable.)

i think what has helped me- especially in the past 2 years, was reading a lot of other books (NA fiction/fantasy/contemp etc whatever my mood was) and writing some good ol’ fanfic (thank you lotura). it really helped me find my voice and helped me explore my vision and just taste for creativity. i think fanfic especially really helps because youre exploring a world and characters that you are already passionate about (vs your own story that might not be fully constructed perhaps). thats the biggest key for writing, in my opinion, is finding YOUR way of storytelling, rather than focusing on posts/advice from professional writers or experts about how you must follow xyz procedure to be a good writer.

a few tips to find your writing process (if applicable ofc!):

- read your writing OUT LOUD and IN CHARACTER/narration. this really helps you write more fluidly and helps you figure out your sentence structuring. i would say, don’t pay much mind to advice that says “less short, chunky sentences or less run-on sentences etc” because everyone has a different style of writing and if that is where your comfort lies, then definitely go with it!

- if you want, you can also act out certain scenes that you are envisioning. some of the best scenes i believe ive written are ones i acted out fully w/emotion and voice/accent changes etc (i have no acting background lmao)

- also, i highly recommend having a dictionary etc on hand-as in, right next to you, as you are writing. i like the google dictionary extension on chrome and i also love thesaurus. com. english is my third language, but i worked on my vocabulary a lot just by writing simpler terms or regular sentences and then looking up synonyms and replacing w/words there that MAKE SENSE in that scenario. (try to avoid using the most flashy or very creative type of synonyms, because specificity of the meaning is crucial. example: saying “his scintillating arms” in regards to edward cullen’s sparkly skin, might seem a little odd because scintillating also means being vibrant, exciting, animated. when in doubt, maybe keep things simple, so that if you do revisit that work sometime later, you might have a different way of going about the scene and it’ll help develop it a lot better w/o causing any confusion because of word choice)

- i love listening to audio sounds on youtube of a scene im writing. for example, if a character is on the beach, i will listen to those specific sounds of crashing waves, wind blowing, etc that i believe my character is experiencing in that scene.

- when you have planned a scene and you’re unable to find your writing voice, you can totally- and i encourage it even- write informally first and once youre finished that and happy with the idea, you can overturn it into your writing style. for example, before writing the para for this scene in my novel, i basically wrote the following: 

First draft: “Character is sitting by the water and because of the waves, she’s moving a little and is also getting splashed by water. The sun is beaming down on her as she is staring at this spider in front of her. She is casually leaning back and puts her leg up and her arm over it as she inhales from her cigarette. As she inhales, she can taste the smoke, but also the smell of the seaside or whatever is in the air and how cool and nice and refreshing it is. Other than the waves, there are sounds of seagulls and the chatter of town folk near her.”

Final draft: “She swayed to and fro as the crashing waves shook the rock pilings she lounged on, the spray of water wetting her sun kissed skin. Fascination had her fixated on the struggling creature as she exhaled a cloud of sweet berzi smoke in the air. Throwing an arm over her raised knee, she leaned against the cool rock, inhaling deeply, feeling the taste of salt on her tongue and the crisp cool air feeding her lungs. Crying seagulls soared above the port of Herija’s busy market place, the hustle and chatter of daily life a consistent background noise in her ears.”

i find im more likely to go back and rewrite that simple guideline, rather than sit through a writer’s block because i am hoping or even forcing myself to write a certain way.

i hope some/any of that can help!! feel free to ask anything else if you like!

[hobiorbit]

your work is amazing! but i've been wondering recently what's the writing and planning process like for you when you write these fics (like 3's a crowd owo) and how do you not procrastinate!

thank you! and as for the planning process, i hate to admit it but there really isn’t one... but i’ll tell you the things that remain constant for each fic!

usually, i’ll randomly get an idea because of a quote or a picture or something. pinterest is amazing for that!

next i tend to immediately write the idea i have down so i don’t forget it. usually that’s as far as it goes, and from then on i tend to just think about it and sleep on it. once i have a general idea it’s all i really need.

for some fics, the writing process is really easy. i like the idea, and new developments come as i’m writing. everything on my blog with the exception of one fic is actually a first draft... which definitely isn’t the most professional thing, but hey.

other times things don’t work out as i like, and my fic power up was one of those cases. i wrote that fic a good four times and every time something was wrong, and even now i’m not super happy with it even though i loved the idea. sometimes you just have to tell yourself you tried, and you can always revisit something later (:

as for motivation, here are a couple tips!

having a fic idea that you’re really excited for is good. don’t try and appeal to what you think other people will like. for me, this makes the writing feel impersonal because you’re writing it for everyone but you, which is no good!

secondly, i almost never give myself a deadline. i think deadlines do a lot of people good, but for me it tends to stress me out and either put me off from writing, or it makes me go into overdrive and then i’m working on quantity rather than quality.

write when you want to! writing shouldn’t feel like a chore, you’re supposed to enjoy it and get enjoyment from other people liking it. at least, that’s what it is for me! improvement is a good reason to write, too.

and if things aren’t working your way or if you have no idea how to start or continue or something, i encourage you to write anyways. assure yourself that you don’t have to publish whatever you end up writing, but just writing even a bit can spark new ideas, or even just continue what you started. it’s okay if it doesn’t turn out well. there can be multiple drafts, but it’s important to push through blocks.

and lastly, don’t worry about what anyone has to think or say. if someone asks about when an update is coming, don’t flounder and say a specific date. say you’re working on releasing it as soon as possible, and that’s good enough! you’re producing content for free. if someone doesn’t like your idea, don’t let it deter you. they don’t have to read it, and if you’re enjoying it that’s all that really matters!!

im so sorry for rambling lmao i hope this helped you!! if you have any more questions feel free to ask and i’ll answer as well as i can (:

[ruppmaranswuss]

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