#and knowing that you what you're doing isn't great but being unable to sit still in a bad situation.

[neverendingford]

.

[radiant-reid]

Reunion

Summary: JJ never knew you were dating one of her teammates and that you broke up because of her, but seeing him at JJ's wedding years later changes things.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader (Angst then smutttt)

Content Warning: 18+ Smut (oral- f receiving, fingering, unprotected sex, a little bit of a breeding kink)

Word Count: 2.1k

"So, how's mystery boy?"

After skipping your usual Tuesday night plans twice, thanks to JJ being away on cases, you're finally back in your best friend's living room having a glass of wine and a cheese platter.

It's been an abnormal amount of time to go without seeing each other since you both ended up in DC after moving out of East Allegheny to different colleges. Even with men in the mix now, you both make it a priority to see each other as often as possible. However, her busy schedule and frequent flights to New Orleans have meant you've spent some time apart.

Unknown to her, she knows the so-called mystery boy. Very well, in fact. "He's well." You say slyly, unable not to grin widely.

JJ throws her head back dramatically. "Come on, Y/n! Some detail would be nice."

"It's good." You try again. "He's the sweetest. I'm very happy."

She smirks, letting you know an interesting question is coming your way. "How's the sex?"

It never takes more than a glass of wine for her to be that loose. You don't miss a beat in your answer. "Fabulous."

"Okay, so can I meet him soon?" She pushes like she has been for quite some time.

You wonder what she would think. What would her expression do if you were to say his name out loud right here? Maybe it's not that deep but getting with JJ's closest colleague is dangerous. It was a concern at the start, a reason not to start, but you fell in love with Spencer Reid quicker than you could ever imagine.

"Sure, JJ." You agree, trying to look positively about it. You can only assume she's thinking about the worst possible scenario about your mystery man. He's a criminal or he's far too old for you or he's an ex you promised not to get back with. There are too many options.

She looks triumphant. "Yes!"

You just smile, sending the conversation in a different direction by asking about her boyfriend. He sounds like a great guy and you can tell she's happier than ever before.

Three months ago you met Spencer Reid. It was JJ's birthday and your duty as her best friend to throw her a fun surprise party. That took some coordination with a friend from work. Firstly, that was Penelope, but in order to lure JJ, you needed Spencer Reid. He was a little slow with replying to your texts, but lovely. And after you met him, you were hooked.

Spencer was perfect. Gorgeous, funny, intelligent. His incredible shyness had you confused when he asked you out for dinner the next morning.

Too many espresso martinis provide an explanation for why JJ has no recollection of you flirting with him all night.

You see Spencer as much as you can, but similar to JJ's, his schedule often doesn't allow for consistent visits. So whatever time you do have, you make the most of it. He's still the most amazing boyfriend you've had. Kind, caring, witty, fun, and playful.

He gets whisked away on a case to Miami not long after being home. You didn't know things would be so different the next time you saw him.

He goes quiet on you. You know their cases are intense but you haven't heard from him in an entire week and that's not right.

Can I come over? He finally texts you and you're guessing he's back in DC.

It sounds a little ominous and the message sends a chill down your spine. Sure. I can't wait to see you. There isn't a reply and you sit in limbo in your apartment for almost an hour before he knocks at the door.

You smile when you open it, although you're slightly annoyed there was zero communication or ETA from him. "Hey, Spence, how was it?"

"You knew." He says in a cold, accusatory tone. It's nothing you've ever heard from him.

"Sorry?" You repeat, moving to the side so he can come into your apartment.

He steps in, barely looking at you. "About JJ and Will." He explains.

A little frown takes over your expression. Surely he's not angry that he only just found out. An awkward laugh leaves your lips. "Sorry, Spence. She didn't want anyone knowing."

"I'm your boyfriend!" He exclaims. "You're not supposed to lie to me."

"I didn't." You join the offensive, crossing your arms. You're not enthused about what he's accusing you of. It wasn't even your secret to tell him.

He looks disappointed, face dropping. "Come on." He sighs. "How am I meant to be with you if you don't trust me enough to tell me who our friend is dating?"

"It wasn't my secret to tell." You try to talk some reason into him, pushing down that sick feeling in your stomach telling you that he's breaking up with you.

Spencer shakes his head, his decision- as much as it's killing him- completely made. "I can't do this."

His words make your world come crashing down and you almost can't believe it. You slump to the couch while he makes his way to the door with sad, slow footsteps.

He's looking at you, waiting for you to ask him to say. "Can we not tell JJ?" You ask softly.

"Fine." That's the last thing he tells you before walking out the door, shutting it firmly.

That's it.

The last thing Spencer tells you.

Then he's gone from your life. You talk about him less to JJ and she picks up on what happened and stops asking about him.

You expect to see him when Henry's born, or even at a point in his life. Somehow, you don't. Your schedules never line up and then JJ switches jobs. There's a myriad of reasons but it doesn't happen. You both go on with separate lives.

And then JJ and Will are getting married. You get a frantic call from your best friend's soon-to-be-husband who whispers secret plans to you over the phone. It's perfect, you know JJ will adore the simplicity and elegance of a backyard wedding.

You're there as soon as you can be, helping set up Rossi's backyard so it's gorgeous for the most gorgeous person you know.

You're the maid of honor, of sorts. And you don't get a chance to ask who the best man is before JJ arrives and the ceremony begins.

You strike out as soon as you spot a tall brunette. A tall brunette who made you the happiest you've ever been with a man. And he's still just as handsome.

His eyes bulge when he sees you but he keeps a straight face and clenches his teeth while the ceremony continues. You're mostly focused on how beautiful JJ looks and how sweet their wedding is, but you can't help your mind drifting to Spencer.

You hadn't seen him dressed up like this when you were dating and the tuxedo is a perfect look on him.

"Y/n." He comes up to you when you're getting yourself a glass of champagne.

"Spencer." You reply. His tone doesn't let much about how he's feeling on. All you get is a glimmer of shock.

He stands against the table. "Maid of honor?"

You shrug, a little confused at his question. "You know, I'm surprised I haven't seen you all these years." You admit, letting some honesty slip.

"It was slightly intentional." He offers.

You don't let it offend you. "Best man?"

"I think that means we're supposed to sleep together."

You nearly spit out your sip of wine. There's no way the shy Spencer Reid you once knew just said that.

"We've done that." You reply, trying to keep a straight face after the out-of-pocket comment.

Spencer tilts his head to the side. "You're right."

You really don't know how it happens. Maybe it's a few too many drinks. There's definitely not enough alcohol in your bloodstream to solely blame that. Spencer Reid is as hot as they get. And it's been... longer than you're willing to admit since you've had sex. Even longer since it was good sex.

So there isn't anything telling you to stop when Spencer pushes you up against the door of a room in Rossi's house, lips firmly against yours.

Your dress is hiked up around your waist while his fingers trace up and down your thigh before he even thinks about locking the door. Both of you are far too wrapped up in the moment to think securely.

His hands are quick to the zip of your dress, sliding it down effortlessly and letting it pool at your feet. He takes a moment to look at you and you have to admit, you're a little worried about his reaction. You don't doubt Spencer Reid can pull beautiful women.

"God, you're gorgeous." He says softly, juxtaposing the way he's practically clawing your clothes off you.

"Are you going to compliment me or fuck me like you promised you would?" You ask him, waltzing over to the bed and sitting on the edge.

Spencer smirks at your smart mouth. "You asked for it."

He's kneeling on the floor in front of the bed in seconds, with no regard for his suit pants being wrinkled, just on his knees. There's a sense of urgency that doesn't allow for the time for him to take your panties off so he opts for shifting them to the side.

There's also no time to waste as his tongue melds with your folds, tracing patterns. No one has ever come close to giving head like Spencer does. It's truly mindblowing, the pressure of his tongue and the suction method he uses. You're instantly in bliss, head thrown back against the covers as you moan.

You've lost it when his fingers enter you, pushing past with little resistance. "Holy shit, Spencer. You're incredible."

"Sing my praises." He says against your pussy.

You do. Not even possessing the ability to be embarrassed about it.

And you don't stop. You're withering and moaning on the bed, tugging his curls while he continues pleasing you. Eventually, it's too much. His fingers pumping in and out of you combined with his tongue wrapped around your clit have you finishing in no time.

"Still as good as I remember." As if he couldn't get any hotter, he sucks his fingers into his mouth.

Spencer rises from his knees, now much taller than you. You tug your underwear off before unclipping your bra. "Fuck me, Spencer." You reach out for his belt buckle, toying with it. "Please."

Spencer has lost the shy, timid nature he had the first few times you had sex and he quickly takes off his belt and pants. Once his suit jacket is tossed across the room, Spencer pulls your legs to the end of the bed, making sure you wrap your ankles around his waist. His hands rest on either side of your head and you're precisely where you want to be.

"You're so hot." You tell him with a smirk.

He grins, spreading your legs and inching inside you. The look on his face is an instant confidence boost. Clearly, he's a man in bliss, head thrown back and tongue parting his lips.

"Fuck." He pants.

You agree, barely able to speak from how hard he's pounding you and how good it feels. Although it's annoying to admit, you've never had as good sex as with Spencer.

Your hands wrap around his forearms, noticeably bigger than last time. "Spencer." You moan. "Please. So good."

He caresses your chest, paying attention to your boobs like he hadn't before. "Y/n." He groans, not slowing his pace up. His hips snap against yours with each thrust, the sound of skin slapping against skin echoing throughout the room. "Can I?" He asks.

It's unlike you to have even let him start without protection but you're not thinking straight enough. All you know is you need Spencer. "Please."

He finishes as deep inside you as he can get, leaning down to kiss you softly. You're breathless like he is when he flops down next to you.

One of Spencer's palms touches your cheek, forcing you to look at him rather than the ceiling. "Hey, pretty girl." He says softly and it makes your heart flip in a way it shouldn't. "Can I take you on a date, Y/n?"

The smile creeping onto your face can't be helped. "Yes. Please."

[flowersforbucky]

sweetener

bucky barnes x reader

summary: when the vacation that you've been planning for months gets canceled due to a last minute mission, you can't help but feel bummed - the bright side is that you're being sent on a mission with bucky.

word count: 5.3k - my masterlist

warnings/tags: canon level violence, descriptions of injuries, mention of blood, almost drowning, hospital setting, bad guys getting killed (not descriptive), non-sexual nudity, hurt/comfort trope, avenger!reader, friends to lovers, fluff, language, reader pov, no use of y/n, fem reader, bucky being super soft, not explicit but mdni please

when life deals us cards

make everything taste like it is salt

then you come through like the sweetener you are

to bring the bitter taste to a halt

Hand warmers. Flashlight and extra batteries. Can opener. Matches. First aid kit –

You glance down the handwritten list for the dozenth time that morning, checking and rechecking that you aren't forgetting anything obvious.

Your eyes flicker between the ridiculous amount of supplies scattered across your bed and the three large duffle bags on your floor that you're determined to pack it all into. You know that you are most likely being excessive, but you'd much rather be too thorough than not thorough enough when you're about to be miles deep in the Appalachian wilderness.

Sure, you'd be staying at a relatively civilized campground with restrooms and showers, but this is the first time that you've been camping in years, and your first time ever going camping alone.

A two day road trip there, then six days in the Great Smoky Mountains, and then another two day road trip back to upstate New York.

A much needed ten days of time spent by yourself, seeing as how you haven't gone on anything resembling a vacation in over two years. The last couple years have been nonstop work with very little time for relaxation.

To say that you're excited would be an understatement. Although you find immense fulfillment in the work that you do with the Avengers and can't see yourself doing anything else, you're ready to sit by a warm fire and sleep under the stars without a care in the world.

Just as you've finished packing the second bag and are about to begin on the third, the Bluetooth speaker that your cell phone is paired to begins blasting your ringtone, cutting off the music that you'd been listening to while you pack.

When you grab the phone off of your nightstand and see the name Nick Fury displayed across the screen, a ball of unease immediately forms in the pit of your stomach.

Nick Fury isn't the type to call and chit chat about how your day is going or what shows you've been binge watching. He's the type to call when he wants something done, and wants it done now.

“Hey, Fury,” you greet in a neutral tone as you perch on the edge of your bed. With the phone still connected to your speaker, you place it back down on the nightstand so that you are free to wring your hands together.

“Agent,” Fury's voice booms throughout your room. “I hope I've caught you before you've left the state of New York.”

Godfuckingdammit.

“Uh - yep. I'm still here. Packing up for my trip right now,” you answer, trying your hardest to conceal the irritation in your voice. There's a small voice in the back of your head telling you that you should just lie and say you are already on the road, but you're not stupid enough to lie to Nick Fury.

There's a second, louder voice in the back of your mind screaming at you that you shouldn’t have even answered the phone.

“You know I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I'm going to suggest you pack a tactical suit and weapon of choice instead of hiking boots and a sleeping bag. We just got word that a vibranium weapons dealer we've been tracking will be receiving a large shipment at a port in Destin tomorrow night. Need you and Barnes on a flight to Florida this afternoon.”

“Florida?” you repeat, unable to hide the shock and disappointment in your tone. “I can't go to Florida right now. I've been planning this trip for months. I put in the notice for my leave–”

“I realize that this is unfortunate timing but I'm afraid that this is non-negotiable, Agent,” he interrupts you in a tone of finality. “If we don't intercept this shipment then these weapons fall into very dangerous hands. With Romanoff and Rogers still in San Antonio until next week, I have no choice but to ask you and Barnes to handle it.”

You exhale an audible, frustrated breath and massage the heels of your palms into your eye sockets. You don't know why you're surprised. It's not like illegal arms dealers take your vacation time into consideration when they plot their dealings.

“Is that understood, Agent?” he asks when you don't respond.

“Yes,” you say as you dig your nails into the flesh of your palm to hold back any further argument. “Yes, I understand.”

“Great. The jet leaves in three hours.”

The line cuts off before you can get another word out.

You groan out loud. Three hours. That doesn't even leave you enough time to feel sorry for yourself.

You look around at the chaotic state of your room before your gaze lands on the already packed duffle bags filled with camping supplies.

You're too annoyed and short on time to care right now, so you empty the contents of both bags back onto your bed and tell yourself that you'll deal with the mess when you get back home. For now, you need to focus on packing the appropriate items for taking down a vibranium arms dealer in hotass Florida.

Beneath all of the disappointment and frustration, there's a glimmer of relief that at the very least it's Bucky who you're being sent on this unexpected mission with. You may not be fond of hot weather, but you are quite fond of him.

••••••

Just as Fury said, the jet departs from the compound at exactly three o'clock. You sit in the aircraft's cabin, reading through a thick file containing all of the information that SHIELD has compiled on Dmitri Petrov's crime empire, ranging from drug smuggling to illegal arms deals.

You are only a few pages into the report and it's abundantly clear why this mission was non-negotiable. Petrov has been getting away unscatched for years - tomorrow night will be the first clear opportunity for a take down since getting on SHIELD's radar.

“Coffee?” A voice snaps you back to reality, making you realize that you're reading the same sentence for the dozenth time. “Three creams, two sugars.”

You look up to find a vibranium hand holding out a disposable cup to you. If the fact that he's committed the way you take your coffee to memory isn't enough to increase your heart rate, his smirk and the crinkles around his blue eyes do the trick.

“Thank you,” you tell him, snapping the folder shut on the table in front of you. “My eyes are on the verge of bleeding.” You take a sip of the coffee - indeed, three creams and two sugars.

He takes the seat directly across from you, spinning the folder around for him to flip through himself.

“We land in less than half an hour and you've been reading this the entire flight,” he says teasingly as he thumbs through the pages. “I think it's safe to say you're prepared.”

He places the file back down, returning his attention to you.

“Just trying to get myself in the right headspace. I didn't know anything about this operation until a few hours ago, you know.”

Not one to complain, you had yet to bring up the fact that your trip had been postponed in order for you to be here. You had talked about the trip on several occasions with Bucky, but you didn't expect him to remember the exact dates that you were supposed to be gone.

Sure - if he was going to be away for over a week, you'd be hyper aware of it until he returned - but you weren't naive enough to think that he would know the exact dates of your comings and goings.

“I know,” he sighs, a sympathetic look on his face. “I was on my way to tell you to have a good trip and to be safe when I got the call from Fury this morning.”

Oh. Your cheeks heat at the casual admission from him.

“I'm sorry about your trip. I know you were really looking forward to it,” he adds sincerely. “I'm going to find extra enjoyment in putting Dmitri Petrov behind bars for causing it to get canceled.”

“You and me both,” you chuckle. “Really though, it's okay. I was bummed, but it's not the end of the world. It can easily be rescheduled once this guy is locked up and we're back home.”

You don't add the fact that you find yourself caring less and less about the canceled trip the longer that you sit here with him.

“There is at least one silver lining to this, you know,” he chimes, leaning forward with his elbows on the table between you. You instinctively lean in closer too, causing the side of your leg to brush against his beneath the table. You wait to see if he'll pull away, and when he doesn't, you leave the side of your thigh resting against his.

“Oh, yeah? And what's that?”

“Petrov’s shipment isn't set to arrive until tomorrow night, and they've sent us down here the day prior. It's not like we have to stay holed up in our hotel room for the next twenty-four hours, right?”

••••••

Bucky's right - there's no sense in locking yourselves inside the hotel room until the time of the weapons deal tomorrow evening, but when you see the hotel room that you'll be spending the next couple nights in, you think you would also be okay with staying inside if you had to.

It's not a five star resort by any means, but in comparison to the dingy roadside motels that you're normally stuck in for missions? This place might as well be a Four Seasons.

It's relatively small, but there's more than enough space for the two of you. There's one full size bed, plus a couch that converts to a futon mattress - the latter of which Bucky insists on taking, giving you the bed. The bathroom is nearly as big as the main room, with a jacuzzi tub that's bigger than three standard bathtubs put together.

And the best part of it? When you open the curtains to the sliding glass door on the backside of the room, there's a clear view of turquoise water and white sand.

“I guess Fury felt a little bad about springing this on me at the last minute, after all,” you sigh as you pull the door open, letting the light breeze pull the smell of saltwater into the room. “Can't say that I’ve been given a beachfront room for a mission before.”

Bucky walks up to stand beside you, leaning against the doorframe and staring out to the ocean.

“It's definitely a step up from the rat and roach infested Motel 6 that Sam and I had to spend three nights in when we were sent to Atlanta for recon last month.”

You shake your head, both cringing and laughing at the memory of him ranting about the motel room as soon as he saw you after returning home.

“It was the size of a fucking capybara. Why are you laughing? I opened the bathroom door and it charged at me–”

A sudden deep rumbling noise snaps you out of the memory and you glance down at your stomach in surprise. You suppose it makes sense that your body is screaming at you to eat - you had such little time to pack for Destin before your flight left that you hadn't even bothered with lunch today.

“How does pizza sound?” Bucky asks with a knowing smirk. “I saw a pizza place just down the street on the way here.”

“Anything sounds good right now,” you sigh, both starving and exhausted from your day of packing, unpacking, re-packing and traveling.

“I'll go grab one for us,” he tells you, pulling the keys to the rental car out of his pocket. “Just stay here and get settled in.”

You don't object, itching to change into comfier, more weather appropriate clothes. When you left the state of New York just a few hours ago, it was chilly outside. Now that you are in eighty plus degree Destin, the sweater and boots that you're wearing have got to go.

You unpack your bag, thankful that you had brought a pair of casual drawstring shorts. You throw them on, along with a tank top. You decide to go ahead and convert the futon from a sofa into a bed, and then search through the hotel room's small linen closet for a set of sheets and a quilt. If Bucky insists on you taking the comfier sleeping option and going to get food for the two of you, you figure the least you can do is make his bed for him.

When he returns, he not only has a large cardboard box containing the pizza, but a plastic bag hanging from his vibranium arm as well.

“Grab a towel and follow me,” he tells you before he's even closed the door behind him.

“Follow you?” You laugh, taken aback by the instructions. “Where are we going?”

You hop up from where you'd been mindlessly scrolling on your phone on the bed, doing as he asked and grabbing one of the complementary beach towels from the bathroom closet.

“Not staying holed up in our hotel room. Remember?”

And with that he pulls the sliding glass door open with his empty hand and exits the room, heading towards the beach that sits directly in the backyard. You don't even take the time to throw on a pair of tennis shoes before practically running after him through the sand.

He comes to a stop when he's a few yards away from where the waves wash up against shore and turns back to look at you. You take it as your cue to spread the towel across the sand at your feet.

He sits down and you follow, the cardboard box nestled between you. He opens it, revealing a pizza that is split down the middle - half your favorite, half his favorite.

“I know it's not a campfire in the Great Smoky Mountains,” he smirks. He digs into the plastic bag and pulls out a drink for each of you, along with some napkins. “But it's the best I could do in our current situation.”

The sentiment leaves you momentarily speechless. You know it isn't a grand declaration of love, and it might not mean as much to some people as it does to you - but you can't remember the last time someone went out of their way just to improve your day in such a simple yet thoughtful way.

Between the pizza, the vibrant pink and purple sky as the sun sinks beyond the ocean's horizon, the sound of the waves and him beside you, you wouldn't want to be anywhere else right now.

“No,” you murmur. “It's not. But it's perfect.”

••••••

The next day, you manage to forget that you're actually on a super important mission taking down a dangerous illegal arms dealer.

The first half of the day feels like an actual vacation - the closest thing you've had to a vacation in a long time, anyway. You sleep in until nearly ten o'clock in the morning - which may not be considered sleeping in for some people, but in this line of work, you've overslept if you're still in bed at eight am.

After waking up thoroughly rested and refreshed, the two of you get brunch and then spend the early hours of the afternoon leisurely strolling at the boardwalk just a short drive from your hotel.

You and Bucky are sitting on a bench eating ice cream when you check your phone for the first time in hours and realize how quickly the day has gone. It's already four o'clock - you're due to be on lookout at the pier where Petrov's exchange will occur soon.

“What's wrong?” Bucky asks when you huff under your breath as you stick your phone back into your pocket. “Nervous about tonight?”

You're not nervous, truthfully. You're fully confident that you and Bucky will be able to handle the job. You've been on countless missions less straight forward than this before, and so has he.

“No,” you shake your head as you take another bite of your ice cream cone. “It's… silly,” you say, waving your hand in dismissal.

“I'm sure it's not silly,” he assures you gently.

You pause, staring at a couple holding hands in the distance as you contemplate your words.

Bucky seems to follow your gaze.

“Today has just been really nice,” you shrug with a small smile. “I almost don't want to go back home.”

From your peripheral vision, you see his face shift to look at you. You continue to eat your ice cream, pretending that his stare doesn't warm you more than the Florida sun.

“We're on the same page then, doll.”

••••••

A few hours later, a feeder ship pulls up to the pier just after dusk.

“We've got eyes on three men,” you say lowly into your communication device. “They're guarding the pier. No sign of Petrov yet.”

“He'll show,” Fury's voice echoes in your ear. “Keep watch until then. Backup is on standby to take him in.” The comm clicks off before you can respond.

“I know there's a lot riding on this going smoothly,” you grumble as you bring your binoculars back up to your eyes. “But sometimes I think he just really needs to get laid.”

You and Bucky are across the road from the pier, concealed by large shrubs and the darkness of the night sky. You've been sitting here as still and silently as possible for well over an hour, before Petrov's men had even arrived to stand guard at the dock.

You really fucking have to pee.

Headlights begin to approach from down the street, and as the vehicle gets closer you're able to see that it's a large, black van.

Totally not suspicious at all.

It comes to a stop close to the boat dock, and a second later Petrov hops out of the driver's seat. You recognize him right away by his shrimpy build and receding hairline.

“I should just take them all out from here and be done with this,” Bucky grumbles from beside you.

“I agree,” you sigh. “But Fury's adamant that Petrov be brought in alive if possible. He’s got an empire behind him that we need to find out as much as possible about. His men, however..” you trail off.

Bucky looks through the scope of his gun, zeroing in on one of the guards.

“Blow a tire on the van first,” you murmur. “So Petrov can't flee.”

“I'll take out these three guards, and then I'll get Petrov and call for back-up. You worry about getting to that ship and taking out anyone inside. Sound like a plan?”

“Easy peasy,” you agree.

Less than thirty seconds later, all three guards have dropped dead and Petrov is frantically running to his van, unaware that Bucky had shot the back tire after killing his guards. You and Bucky emerge from the shrubs, sprinting across the road. He dashes towards Petrov, who freezes and begins shouting curses in Russian when he sees what is running towards him.

Bucky lands a punch to Petrov's jaw as you're running past them, only slowing down enough to not trip over the guard’s dead bodies that are littered across the dock.

You're only a few yards away from the ship when you hear Bucky screech your name. You immediately come to a halt, turning back to see why he could be calling for you.

You see a tall, burly man - someone that you and Bucky hadn't noticed before - sprinting down the dock after you. He raises his arm above his head, his hand holding a rocklike object that he sends barreling in your direction.

It's the last thing you see before everything fades to black.

••••••

The shrill, repetitive beeping of a monitor pulls you out of limbo and back to earth.

You're met with painfully bright, fluorescent lighting that has you squinting your eyes shut before you can make sense of your surroundings.

“Bucky,” you attempt to call out but it sounds like the croak of a lifelong smoker. Your eyes begin to adjust to the harsh lighting, allowing you to see that you're alone in a hospital room. You raise your fingertips to where it feels as if your brain is pulsing through your skull. There's a thick, defined knot on the top of your head that's sensitive to the touch.

Panic starts to take over you. Bits and pieces of the mission start to flash through your mind. Bucky shooting the guards, you running towards the feeder ship when you heard Bucky yell your name and then turning to see –

“Bucky!” You call out louder, your voice still hoarse. You sit up, not hesitating to carelessly yank an IV out of your arm. You're vaguely aware of the fact that you're in only a hospital gown and that blood is now trickling down your left arm, but you don't care.

You throw your legs over the side of the bed, standing up far too quickly. Your vision fades to a fuzzy gray and you're overcome with an intense wave of vertigo as the room spins around you. You grab onto the metal side railing of the hospital bed to keep yourself upright, desperately trying to focus your eyes enough to find the nurse's call button.

“Hi! I'll be to your room in just a moment–” An overly cheerful, feminine voice pours from the speaker a moment after pressing the button.

“What happened? How long have I been here? Where is my–”

The door to your room opens, and you immediately breathe an audible sigh of relief as your last question is answered. He looks as though he could use a good night's sleep, but he is okay.

“What the fuck happened?” Bucky exclaims as he rushes over to where you're still clutching the hospital bed railing for support. You follow his gaze to your arm, seeing that there's now blood all over your gown as well as the white floor around your feet.

“I could ask you the same thing,” you mumble, embarrassed by your current state. He guides you back to the edge of the mattress before walking away to get a towel from the bathroom. “I was worried something happened to you,” you add weakly.

He wipes the blood trail on your skin before using the hand towel to apply pressure to the puncture in the bend of your arm.

“I'm okay,” he assures you delicately. “I had just gone to get some coffee.” He glances at the styrofoam to-go cup that you hadn't even noticed him place on the bedside table when he entered the room.

“How long was I asleep?” You ask, noticing that it's still pitch dark outside. You also notice that he's no longer in the clothes that he wore on the mission - now wearing a pair of loose fitting black sweatpants and a matching hoodie. “What happened?”

“There was another guy in the back of Petrov’s van,” Bucky tenses, still holding the towel to your arm for you. “We were both distracted and he snuck up on you. He hit you over the head with a piece of vibranium and threw you into the water.” His jaw clenches as he recounts what happened, meeting your gaze with a pained look.

“But you saved me,” you finish for him.

“Yes,” he gulps. “I did. But I was almost too late. By the time I knocked out Petrov and killed the man who hit you.. it felt like it took forever to find you in the water. You almost drown–”

He cuts himself off, unable to force the last word out. A nurse enters the room as you open your mouth to offer him reassurance. Bucky holds your gaze for a split-second longer before reluctantly dropping his hold on your arm and turning to take a seat in the room's singular guest chair.

The nurse informs you that they did a CT scan while you were unconscious, and that while you don't have any swelling or bleeding on your brain from the blow, the doctor believes you to have a concussion and tells you that she will need to do an exam now that you are awake before they feel comfortable discharging you.

Judging by the high-pitched ringing that you've heard in your ears since you woke up and the way that you feel dizzy when you even think about trying to stand up, you don't doubt that you're concussed.

An hour later, you've been thoroughly examined and it is confirmed that yes - you are indeed concussed. The doctor discharges you under the condition that you don't drive and that someone keeps a close eye on you for the next twenty-four hours.

“Don't worry,” you hear Bucky tell her when you step into the bathroom to throw on a pair of dry sweatpants, a t-shirt, and cheap shower slides that the hospital had given you to wear back to the hotel, seeing as how your tactical suit and boots are still sopping wet with ocean water. “I'm not letting her out of my sight.”

The nurse who helps you dress gives you a small smirk at his words.

“You're a lucky woman,” she tells you quietly. “He was worried sick until you woke up.”

You avoid her gaze, your cheeks heating. You busy yourself by tightening the drawstrings to the gray sweatpants.

“I am lucky,” you agree. “He's a great partner.”

She raises an eyebrow at the word partner, but doesn't make any further comment.

By the time that you and Bucky make it back to your hotel room, the sun has started to rise.

Bucky all but carries you inside, only letting go of you when you're perched on the edge of the mattress. Your head is still throbbing despite the extra strength ibuprofen that you'd taken before leaving the hospital, and you still can't walk without stumbling from dizziness, but at least the intense ringing in your ears has begun to subside.

You feel tired down to your very bones, but you have no doubt that Bucky is even more exhausted. You'd been unconscious for nearly eight hours during the night, whereas he had been awake the entire time sitting by your bedside.

“You get some rest,” you tell him. You brace your hands against the mattress, preparing to attempt to stand back up. “I smell like a mixture of sweat and fish from being in the ocean, so I'm going to shower off.”

You push yourself off of the bed, and as quickly as you stand, you're sitting back down. The room immediately begins spinning in circles around you, sending a wave of nausea through the pit of your stomach.

“Yeah, not likely,” Bucky huffs lightly. “You can't stand up, and the shower doesn't have a seat. How about we compromise on a bath?”

You give a weak nod, too tired to protest. A warm bath sounds incredible right now.

Bucky retreats to the bathroom, where he turns on the water to fill the tub before returning to help you get up from the bed without toppling over. He secures his flesh arm around your waist and guides you to the closed toilet, where you carefully sit down.

“Do you.. need help undressing? Or..?” He asks hesitantly.

“No,” you breathe with an awkward laugh. “I think I've got it.”

He gives you a quick nod, looking away to give you the privacy to shed your clothes. You carefully tug the oversized t-shirt the hospital had given you over your head, wincing when it brushes against the swollen knot on the side of your scalp. You rise off the lid of the toilet just enough to push your sweatpants down to your ankles.

“Okay,” you murmur, letting him know that you're ready to step into the tub.

He grabs one of your hands in his, and places his metal hand on the small of your back as you step over the side of the large jacuzzi tub and into the water.

Not that you don't trust your other teammates. But with Bucky, it doesn't feel vulnerable.

You're aware of the intimacy of the scenario, but you can't find it in yourself to feel insecure or embarrassed right now - you're sure that's largely due to the concussion, but you think it's also simply because of who you're with.

If it were Sam, or Steve, or anyone else, you know you'd be mortified to be utterly exposed as they help you take a bath. If it were anyone else you wouldn't be taking a bath right now - you would have just gone to sleep and waited until you could fully do it yourself instead of putting yourself in such a vulnerable position.

He lowers you into the water, your entire body instantly relaxing at the warmth. You glance to his face, noticing a faint purple bruise along his cheekbone.

“I'm going to leave the door cracked. I'll be right outside if you need anything. Just let me know when you're ready to get out, okay?”

You don't respond, instead reaching up to his face, where you run your finger along the outline of the bruise. He freezes beneath your touch, his eyes meeting yours.

“Don't worry,” he assures you softly. “It was a lot worse when it first happened. It's already almost gone.”

“I'm sorry,” you whisper. “It happened because of me. I wasn't paying attention as well as I should have been. Should have heard that guy coming.”

“Don't say that.” He places his flesh hand on top of where yours still rests against his cheek and then brings it in front of his lips, his eyes never leaving yours. “You're okay, and that's the only thing that matters now.”

“Mmm,” you hum, staring at his lips that are no more than an inch away from your hand.

“What are you thinking?” he asks, his voice patient and curious.

You hesitate for a brief moment before leaning forward and pressing your lips to the bruise in a featherlight kiss. You pull back, once more resting your back against the tub and giving him a small shrug.

“Just thinking that I wanted to do that. Have for a while.”

He grins, a faint blush taking over the apples of his cheeks.

“Yeah, I'd say you're definitely concussed.”

He then presses his lips to the side of your hand, causing goosebumps to form across your skin despite the warm water that you sit in.

You chuckle, your smile matching his. “I am,” you agree. “But the concussion will go away soon, and I'll still want to kiss you then, too.”

“I hope that you will do just that.”

••••••

One month later

You wake up to the smell of campfire smoke that creeps through the crack in the partially zipped tent.

Despite a thick sleeping bag, multiple blankets, and the plush sweater that you wear, you can't help but shiver.

Something is missing.

You look around the tent, your eyes adjusting to the early morning daylight that filters into the tent.

Someone is missing.

You reluctantly exit your cozy sleeping bag, shoving your wool sock covered feet into your boots and crawling out of the tent.

Bucky is facing away from you, cracking an egg into a pan that is positioned over the fire.

“Good morning,” you murmur as you creep up behind him, wrapping an arm around his midsection. He wraps his own arm around your shoulders, pulling you flush against him and pressing a kiss to your forehead.

“Morning, sleepy head,” he teases softly. “What's on the agenda today?”

“Maybe some hiking, maybe some biking,” you shrug into him. “Maybe a little bit of you keeping me warm in that tent.”

He laughs, more carefree than you've ever seen him before.

“See? It's a good thing that your trip got postponed. What if I wasn't here to keep you warm?”

You raise up to capture his lips in yours, the taste of fresh brewed French press coffee on his breath.

“Remind me to thank Fury for that when we get back.”

thank you so much for reading 💕🫶🏻 comments and reblogs are infinitely appreciated!!

[witchthewriter]

𝐁𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐨𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐁𝐚𝐥𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐝𝐞

From this poll, this series is born!

a/n: this is changing the dragons from not just mount, but to being able to shift into a human-like form at will...

𝑺𝑭𝑾🌿

・The dragons Westeros once known (and barely understood anyway)...had started to evolve. Where once were leathery wings and two clawed legs, now stood a man. A giant of a man truly, with eyes that could pierce the soul.

・Had this been what everyone else experienced? You couldn't ask - not now, as he had flown you to a secluded patch of land, far from King's Landing ... or any kind of civilisation.

・You didn't know how to react when the transformation was complete and Balerion found a tree, and sat down against it.

・You were INCREDULOUS! Unable to look at the naked man before you; this was not how the bond was supposed to work??

"Nyke ȳdra daor pendagon ao sagon supposed naejot gaomagon bona." (I don't think you're supposed to do that…) You hissed to Balerion.

"Skorkydoso would ao gīmigon skoros nyke se am daor supposed naejot gaomagon?" (How would you know what I am and am not supposed to do?)

・You nearly screeched... Fluent in High Valyrian! He can speak and he is FLUENT!

・Your nose flared as you swung to look at him.

・That day you learnt a great deal of things. Among them was the fact that he knew the common tongue as well, was practically always hungry, and the most important thing ... you still had to wrap your head around...

・That the bond you have with Balerion isn't just rider & and mount. It's a soulbond.

・This was how they kept dragons in Valyria; through blood magic they made them human. They could stay in either form whenever they wished.

・But it also meant every few years, whoever was the dragon's rider - was also their mate. As in ... romantic mate.

・"Yn, nyke going naejot sagon married?" (But, I'm going to be married?)

"Ao emagon issare chosen hae ñuhon." (You have been chosen as mine.)

"Ondoso qilōni!" (By who!)

"Nyke iderēptan ao." (I chose you.)

・Only those that had been chosen know about this.

・It took you a while to fully come to terms with the fact that more dragons depended on your bond with Balerion.

・He gave you space.

・But only for three days.

・Then he came waltzing through your door, and took a seat in front of the fireplace. His long legs stretching, large thick arms spread against the seat's frame.

・You had been fretting in your bed, unable to sleep, only thinking and thinking. Anxiety getting the best of you.

"Come sit by the fire," he said. Balerion's voice was gravelly, at times forced - the shift still not fully easy after all these years.

"You said you would give me time to think!" You huffed into your pillow.

"I have given you time. But I wish to be with my mate. Now come."

・You rolled your eyes, flung the blanket back and grabbed your pillow. Pressing it to your chest, you skulked over to the maroon coloured seat.

・Your breath was taken straight from your body as you saw him.

・With the fireplace the only source of light, Balerion looked both an angel and a demon.

・Horns protruded from his head, the same shape as when he was a scaled beast. His red eyes found you, thick lashes blinking slowly. Tanned, olive skin seemed to gleam in the firelight.

・Balerion seemed to have hundreds of scars, but it only added to his ruggedness.

・You moved forward and sat near him, the pillow used as a barrier between you two.

・You hadn't noticed the pointed ears, or the small braids in his long hair.

・But as you looked upon him, Balerion was doing the same to you.

・He lifted his large scarred hand and held it against your cheek.

"My mate."

𝑹𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔

Soft for exactly one person (Balerion) x Is that one person (You)

"I've made a calculated decision." (Balerion) x "Wait, you can do maths?" (You)

 Overly arrogant and flirtacious (Balerion) x Pretends To Be Unfazed, But Is Dying On The Inside (You)

 You Can't Do That! (You) x And Why Not? (Balerion)

𝑹𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒄 𝑷𝒍𝒐𝒕 𝑻𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆

Intertwined Destinies

Defying Expectations

Bickering and Banter

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 𝑺𝒐𝒏𝒈

Me and the Devil by Soap&Skin

Test Drive by John Powell

Into My Arms by the Midnite String Quartet

[atxxzist]

spring in our hearts | c.s

summary: the spring where you finally fall in love and experience everything that comes with it; the good and the bad

pairing: choi san x f!reader

genre: angst, slice of life, slowburn, romance, fluff?

word count: 21.4k

pink.

everything outside is turning pink. the petals fallen from the cherry blossom trees sweeping the streets as the wind carries it away with the cold chill, making the arrival of spring feel so much more real.

pink has always reminded you of love though your best friend tells you to not think about it often. he believes you're horrible at it and has a shallow view on it.

you wouldn't say you're horrible if you don't exactly have the experience for it, your only romantic relationship ever was freshman year of college with a boy from english who found you cute but broke it off after only 3 months because he thought you weren't interested.

yeosang still brings it up occasionally because only texting a boy when they texted you and telling them you could only hang out once a week isn't the way to show someone you do like them.

you thought it was quite the statement coming from yeosang because he wasn't much of a prize either before his current relationship that finally managed to last longer than 6 months.

but he think he has finally found the one. he's sure of it. and maybe he's right about you being horrible to some extent because you wouldn't understand or know the feeling of when someone is just right.

you still don't get how your uncle was willing to move halfway across the country for the 'love of his life', leaving everything he knew behind in hope of making it work, or how your mother married your father against her parents wishes although you know him to be a great man.

even the compromises both yeosang and grace have to make can be hard to wrap your head around, but yeosang always says every time that once you meet that person, you will understand.

"this seat taken?"

your thoughts are broken and your neck snaps away from the window and its petal shower to the voice beside that takes your breath away momentarily because though he's just standing there in his morning hair, grey hoodie, and sweatpants, he looks absolutely out of place in this small cafe.

you shake your head, a knot forming in your throat the longer you stare at this stranger.

"i'll take it, if that's okay with you."

"go ahead," you assure, no idea why you're so captivated by this stranger you've known for less than a minute, eyes unable to leave as he removes his backpack to place in the seat next to him and finally takes the seat across from you.

you clear your throat, scanning the surrounding and just noticing how packed it has gotten within the few minutes you were out before looking back down to the half finished sketch on the table.

"you go there?"

the question pulls your head back up, meeting eyes once again with this stranger who has now comfortably seated himself, confused as to what he's talking about until he points with his chin to the sweater you're wearing that has your school logo plastered all over it.

you let another second of silence slip through before answering in your most friendliest tone because you don't usually get people trying to start conversations often, or at all.

"oh, yes," you say. "it was a shirt my friend didn't want."

you regret the words as soon as they leave, feeling like you wanna smack ur head onto the table because you don't know why you needed him to know that.

you really are not big on school spirits or whatever, but yeosang had offered it to you after he bought a size too small.

and this stranger is probably able to sense your nervousness just now that he attempts to giggle it off, dimples emerging from his cheeks all of a sudden that you can't keep your eyes off of.

you've seen a fair share of good looking guys in your lifetime, but this dude might just be at the very top and you're thinking the only obvious reason he'd even wanna sit with you is because all the other seats were taken.

"well that's nice of them," he says with a warm smile. "it's a well designed shirt."

you nod slowly at that.

"i guess so."

"i just transferred the beginning of this year so i just thought it was cool to run into someone alike."

"oh?" your pitch piques with a unique kind of interest. "y-you also go there?"

"yes. junior, going onto senior next semester. you?"

"same..." you answer, fighting the tiniest smile that wants to break out because what were the chances the two of you are the exact same age, and it's not like you plan on seeing him after this, but to hear how big the possibilites are is a little crazy.

he chuckles, one hand running over his disheveled hair as you're sure the same thing is also going through his mind.

"and then what?" yeosang asks, after you finish the retelling of your encounter with the incredibly cute and kind boy from the cafe.

"what?" you repeat, one eyebrow raised.

"what happened after?" he states, as if asking the obvious while spinning around in the computer chair that belongs to his girlfriend.

"i had to go to class," you answer, unfazed and oblivious much to yeosang's frustration which is why he wanna facepalm right then and there.

"you didn't even ask for his number?"

you shake your head. "no."

"i bet you don't even know his name," he says only sarcastically but he would be right.

"i don't."

you watch in bafflement as yeosang continues to sigh and complain before grace comes bursting through the door with the two boxes of pizza.

"you won't believe what your girl just told me," yeosang opens his big mouth and tells on you the second he can, prompting grace to hum in curiosity because she's just as equally nosy.

"what happened?" she says, placing the boxes on the stand next to the door.

"little miss over here had a cute boy actually talk to her and didn't even ask for his number nor his name," yeosang spews, accusation in his tone like you just committed a crime. "and worst of all, she lost the pen i got her for christmas."

grace gasps in response and plops down next to you as her weight makes the bed sink.

you roll your eyes, dismissing the last comment but going on to defend your name, "okay. you're being dramatic. it's not like i want him to be my boyfriend. i just happened to meet someone pleasant and i'm okay with the idea that nothing more will come from it."

your best friend shakes his head in disapproval and mutters, "you anti-romantic."

"and where did you meet this boy again?" grace asks.

"the cafe i usually go to."

"maybe you'll run into him again." she shrugs.

"maybe," you utter lowly. "but it's ok. like i said, i just thought it was a nice encounter and had to tell yeosang about it but if i knew he was gonna make a big ass deal, i would've just told you."

"excuse you," yeosang chimes in, "i was just looking out for you. you need to get yourself a boyfriend or at least a friend of your own so you won't be cockblocking all the time."

"first of all, i did get myself a friend," you say, your voice a type of snarky, "but you had to go and make her your girlfriend."

yeosang scoffs, the topic making rounds once again and proceeds to stop spinning himself to churn out another comment to annoy you.

"well maybe she became your friend because she was always meant to be my girlfriend."

you met grace as soon as you stepped foot onto campus given she was your literal roommate, and it only took a couple days to become comfortable with each other because the girl was so friendly and welcoming unlike anyone you've ever met before.

it wasn't until a week later that you considered the two of you actual friends, taking in the fact she was someone you saw yourself sticking by even in the far future.

but it only took another month for yeosang to see what you saw in her and snatched her away, recalling how fast their relationship went from friendly to romantic, you were so annoyed with yeosang because if anything went awry, it would've costed you the first friend you've made besides him.

but here's to them going on 2 years and a half so you really hope yeosang doesn't fuck it up because you think with his track records, you're in the right to have some doubts.

ignoring his response, you go on, "and second of all, your bitch ass invited me so how am i cockblocking?"

grace lets out half a chuckle and stands up to head for the boxes earlier, turning to the both of you.

"you both are hangry. pizza?" she offers.

yeosang takes a slice while you shake your head, telling her you're not hungry right now.

"my point is," yeosang continues, "it was the perfect chance and you completely missed it, but it's whatever now. i summoned you today because i've only seen your hermit ass like three times ever since the start of the term."

"well, yes. i wanted to focus on my studies."

"you need to learn how to relax once in a while," he says, with actual sympathy this time, "which is why i think you're gonna love what i have to say next."

but it just mellows out into an almost sarcastic-like tone, as if he knows you're gonna hate the idea but he's still persistent to go through with it.

"what?" you say, unamused.

he adjusts himself in the chair and puts the barely bitten pizza on standby as grace stares in anticipation because you're sure she already knows exactly what he's gonna say.

"so like, remember yunho?" he squeaks.

it takes a raised brow and maybe two seconds, but you manage to remember, blurting, "jeong yunho?"

"yes!" he nods way too excitedly.

all you really know about jeong yunho was that you've met him probably only twice and had less than a conversation when you did, though not failing to recall how soft-spoken and kind he also was.

"it's his birthday... well, technically his birthday already passed, but he's gonna be holding a late party to celebrate it and i might've maybe told him you're gonna come," yeosang announces, ending the ment with a stupid goofy smile like that's gonna lessen the impact.

"what the fuck, yeosang?"

you scowl, and grace jumps in, "i told him not to but he didn't wanna listen."

"it's a great opportunity!" he cowers back, high-pitched and all as he tries standing his ground.

"you know how much i hate parties!" you yell back just as loud.

"you've been to one!"

"one too much!"

"oh come on, y/n!" he slumps back in the chair staring at you like a disappointed parent. "you only have a year left after this semester. do you really not even wanna have some fun?"

"no. i really don't," you deadpan, much to an eyeroll and sigh from him while grace just sits by idly watching.

"it's not gonna be one of those crazy weird frat parties, i promise. just a house party with close friends, yunho said. plus, there's gonna be plenty of cute guys there."

"good for you. maybe you can find someone there," you say unseriously much to a giggle from grace but to an unamused yeosang because he seriously mean it.

he wants you out of your comfort zone at least just once and go and talk to people you might potentially like, having stayed in your own bubble for so long.

"please?"

the desperation makes you fight the urge to give in but you're losing, only huffing in annoyance.

"what happened to 'you're horrible at this romantic shit'?" you cite him word for word, throwing it back in his face.

"that's cause you really are. plus, you were being annoying at the time. but still doesn't mean i don't want you to try."

you think you're gonna regret. you know you're gonna regret it, but a part of you want to do it just for your best friend so you cave.

"i'll go. but if someone pukes on me again, i'm making you clean that shit with your own mouth."

the party starts at 7 p.m. sharp but yeosang's late birthday gift run leaves you guys almost an hour late, lightly knocking on yunho's door at 7:54 p.m. expecting for the house to be flooded with even more people you don't know but you're surprise to see a couple familiar faces in the background when the door comes apart.

"hey!" the tall birthday boy greets all of you, a lady by her side and arm wrapped around his who you can only assume to be his girlfriend sends a friendly smile the same time.

"come in, come in," he ushers, the three of you stepping inside to the much humble and comforting interior, nothing alike a stereotypical party setting and it's already managed to be the better party you've attended.

it's homey, a bit classy, and you should've expected it because the house is also in a relatively safe part of the neighborhood.

"you guys made it!" yunho welcomes again, his voice loud and excited, eyes traveling between your friends before it eventually stops on you.

"y/n, right?" he says, your name almost foreign sounding coming from him.

you nod in response and the taller boy smiles in relief, not typical of him to forget names but also not wanting to mess up and offend you.

"glad you could make it. i was afraid you couldn't because yeosang went on and on about how much parties scares you."

you narrow your eyes at your best friend and his habit of oversharing before a loose chuckle escapes.

"did he now?"

"he did," yunho says, also a small giggle out of him as if trying to ease the mood and make you comfortable. "but don't worry about it. it's not gonna be crazy, i'm sure of that."

"i appreciate it," you thank him, touched by the kind gesture of assurance although the man barely knows you. "i'll try to enjoy myself."

again, you've only seen yunho on two occasions before this and you can barely even recall the second one, only seeing him in passing along with others currently at the party when you'd go seek out yeosang inbetween classes.

yeosang smirks from beside you, happy and impressed from how you're already easing yourself into the situation, clearing his throat and deciding it's his turn.

"this is for you, birthday boy," yeosang says, presenting the gift in his hand proudly as if he didn't panic just almost 2 hours ago when you brought up if he was gonna get yunho something.

"appreciate it, man. i'm gonna put it with all the other gifts to open later."

he takes it into his hold, attention shortly pulled away by another knock at the door.

"i'm gonna get that. you guys make yourself at home," yunho says, excusing himself with his lady still at armrest.

"see, that wasn't so bad," yeosang takes the first chance he gets as soon as yunho's out of earshot, nudging you by the shoulder much to an eyeroll in return.

"don't speak so fast, we haven't even made it past 10 minutes."

"it's gonna be awesome," he states, convinced of his own words. "you, grace, and all the other girlies can hang out or something while i'm gonna go chat it up with the boys."

a visible annoyance paints grace's expression as she huffs, "if that's the case, i'm coming with. you seem to get stupider with every party."

a couple minutes later and a banter between the lovebirds about how reckless yeosang gets when he's drunk, you wind up in the downstairs bathroom of yunho's house, regretting that you didn't take grace's advice of peeing before coming.

at least the bathroom's nice but you don't wanna have to go out of your way and look for your friends in midst of all staring eyes. you already had enough of those making your way here.

the two had said they wouldn't leave you and it's best you guys stick together, but when you finally spot yeosang, he's already chatting it up with someone new when he was talking to wooyoung before--someone you also don't know well except the fact he's loud and extroverted the last time you met him.

grace is nowhere to be found and you're thinking whether you should just go look for her or insert yourself into the conversation yeosang and this stranger who's only visible from the back of his head, is having.

you don't get to make a choice because yeosang is quick to make it for you, sneaking over this person's shoulder and locking eyes with yours, one hand in the air motioning you to come as if you're his pet while his other is now occupied with a red cup.

you can hear him spewing from a distant as you make your way there, telling the person before him, "oh right, san, this is--"

"--strawberry peach?" the voice not belonging to yeosang says, so strange but familiar and recent at the same time, it stops you dead in track once you meet his eyes.

"strawberry peach lemonade?"

you pick your head up at what sounds like a question, following his gaze to your drink on the table, answering a mere, "yes."

"you came to a cafe to get lemonade?" he tease, delivery a type of amused that would've offended you if not for the smile on his lips.

"what's wrong with that?"

he snickers lowly and shakes his head before going back to his book and muttering, "nothing."

"oh?" yeosang is as confused as the both of you. "you two know each other?" because very rarely do you ever know anyone before he does.

"we met the other day," san tells your friend, your lips tight and body too in shock to answer properly. "at a cafe. she got the strawberry peach lemonade."

"oh. oh!" yeosang's volume turns an octave, a realization hitting him and making the corners of his lips go up because this is the guy you were going on about who was so cute and left such an impression you had to tell him when he knows you to not even look twice a guy's direction.

"thank god," you friend says. "i was afraid she went by some alias on the internet i wasn't aware of."

the comment makes both you and san freeze in place before a chuckle comes hurling out of him though he was fighting to bite it back.

you don't blame him because why would you when your best friend just implied he thought it was your possible camgirl name.

"you're fucking stupid," you hiss, a mix between laughing it off and feeling extremely embarrassed in front of the sole person you didn't think you'd ever meet again and this is how you're officially reintroduced.

"well," yeosang exhales, quick to brush off the remark because he has other things in mind, "i'm gonna go look for grace."

you knew it was coming and that he was gonna try to get the two of you alone but you didn't think it'd come this fast, your palms already starting to sweat and your feet feels like it's gonna make a run for it.

"i'll catch you guys later. you two have fun," yeosang bids goodbye as san returns one while you're just standing and thinking of all the ways to get back at him if this doesn't go well.

"a bit crazy, isn't it?"

that soft, melodic tone pulls you away from yeosang's walking figure and to his eyes that could almost melt you on the spot, that strange sensation settling in the pit of your stomach from his lingering gaze.

"definitely a bit crazy," you manage to say after composing yourself, because you do wanna talk to him and not scare him away, but you're feeling a lot more self-conscious than usual.

but whereas you cave easily under stressful situations, san treads through them with confidence, breaking the ice by asking a question.

"that guy, yeosang, you guys together?"

and if you were in the middle of drinking something, you would've spat it right out at such question.

"definitely not," you deny passionately, though it wouldn't be the first; you and yeosang getting the accusation from time to time because you two happen to be of opposite sex and are actually just friends.

"i'd rather lose an arm before picking to settle with him," you add.

you love your best friend, you do. he's always there for you when needed and has been with you through everything, but he's also messy, lazy, and probably the most disgusting person you know.

grace is a soldier for putting up with it for almost three years now and you don't know how she does it.

san chuckles at the response and the pure offense on your face.

"why not? sounds like an overall decent dude."

"i've known him since middle school. he's more a friend than anything and sometimes like a brother. plus, he has a girlfriend, grace."

"ah," san coos, "so you're the friend. he did say he came with his girlfriend and a friend but he thought his friend was trying to hide."

you shouldn't have expected any better from yeosang but you still wanna kick when you do see him, opting to calmly explain yourself, "was just taking a while in the restroom, that's all."

though you're not sure if it was necessary to address that, your cheeks burning a light pink after that san takes notice to.

he giggles it off and you're glad it made him smile at least.

"if i knew i was gonna meet you here, i'd bring your pen, but i don't think neither of us were expecting such coincidence."

your eyes swell a kind of surprise, almost stuttering when you finally speak, "you got my pen?"

you had quickly packed all your things, afraid you were gonna be late for the next class and you were so sure you got everything. it wasn't until you got back to the dorms that you noticed the stylo sketch pen yeosang got you for christmas was missing.

it didn't take long for it to be considered lost forever because there wasn't much hope of finding it even if you went back, but you didn't think it'd wind up in the hands of the boy you met that day.

"yeah, sorry if you came back looking for it. i had noticed you left it and thought it was rude if i didn't do anything. maybe that's why fate sent me here today," he says, snickering at the last comment, though at this point blaming it on fate doesn't seem so crazy.

"thank you," you tell him quietly, moved by the consideration but volume falling behind the progressing loud music though he can still make out your lips.

"no problem." he smiles.

and you don't know how it's possible but he looks even better than last time, the black attire and slicked back hair a contrast to the other day but when you speak to him, it all still feels the same... the slightly mischievous but easygoing personality turning away your initial worries and nervousness until you can't even remember why you had them.

the only thing left to weigh heavy is his usage of 'fate', the impression that you two meeting today was because of destiny and something already set in stone, but you might be overthinking.

"do you wanna go outside?" he asks, practically shouting at this point because the music has completely drowned out his voice.

he can tell you didn't hear him by how you confusingly squint your brows and unintentionally lean closer, to which he returns, whispering into your ear that shouldn't have sparked whatever it did.

you pull away to nod hesitantly and follow him out the backdoor, your throat clogged and body almost frozen if you weren't walking, glad he isn't looking because never in your life has a man smell that good before.

it's probably not the best idea to be away from your friends with someone you barely know, but you also don't have any reasons not to trust san... for now.

the spring air hugs your skin and you shiver slightly, only a thin cardigan to protect from the cold that makes san second guess coming out here.

"if it's too cold, we can go back inside. i just thought maybe you'd prefer somewhere where we could actually hear each other."

you shake your head but throw in a small smile to show you appreciate the consideration.

"it's okay. it is definitely way too loud inside there."

"yeah," he agrees, "and whoever's phone is connected to the bluetooth has a horrible taste in music." the now muffled audio a rock song you cannot make out the lyrics to even back at the house.

you laugh at the remark, the both of you staring into nothingness but yunho's backyard fences, yet it feels nice. safe. comfortable.

"i bet it's yeosang. he puts on the shittiest songs," you talk bad behind your friend's back, getting a giggle from san that makes it worth it.

"by the way, what did yeosang say your name was again?" he asks, turning to you with his full attention after realizing this whole time he doesn't even know your name.

"y/n," you tell him, locking eyes and ignoring the sensation in your stomach again from being this close and alone to someone who looks like that.

"y/n." you listen to him repeat your name under his breath. "you definitely look like a y/n."

the comment makes the corners of your lips turn, telling him he sounds so silly.

"it's san, right?" it's your turn to ask, sure you got it correct because yeosang's voice is loud, annoying, and hard to miss.

"yes," he confirms. "san choi, or choi san."

"choi san," you mumble, "it definitely has a beat to it."

and you're both laughing together the next, it doesn't feel real how easy being with him is. how, you were so hesitant about showing up and not being able to talk to anybody and now you're actually enjoying yourself, the state of your friends completely forgotten.

you don't usually wanna know many people but you wanna know more about san, every expressions he makes and any words he says paid attention and listened to carefully, you hope you won't scare him off just yet.

the conversation taking place after feels never-ending from him telling you about the transfer process to sharing majors and learning he specializes in math, you don't even realize you've both been standing in the cold for a while until a voice calls out to you.

"y/n!"

you look over your shoulder to find grace standing there, only half her body out the door and moving her eyes from you to san, the slight surprise when she sees you're with someone.

"there you are," she says. "i thought you had left without telling us."

you're now fully facing her with san following, watching from the side as you two carry on.

"what happened?" you ask.

she sighs before telling you it's yeosang, not to anyone's surprise.

"he's stupid drunk already and picking fights," she adds, getting second embarrassment again just thinking about how mad her boyfriend had got when he found out wooyoung had gotten yunho the same gift.

it wasn't anyone's fault; yeosang just loses half his braincells when he's under the influence.

you shake your head unamused and swipe san a glare, apologizing and telling him you have to go.

"wait," san stops you before you could completely leave him standing alone in the cold. "your pen. can i still give it back to you?"

you're standing there almost starstrucked-like and nodding your head, stuttering at the fact he wants to see you again.

"y-yes."

"perfect." he smiles. "how about the cafe again? we're both familiar with the place."

"that'll work," you say. "this monday?"

"this monday."

"cool. i'll see you then, san."

"what? no way!" grace yells, after you finish telling her about san and how crazy the coincidence is.

"yeah... i didn't really think i'd see him again," you say softly while settling down on the edge of your bed with grace across in hers, your heart doing a turn just thinking about the exchange between you and san again.

"you're blushing," grace snaps you out, meeting her gaze and batting your lashes.

"what? i'm not," you deny, adjusting yourself in the seat like that's gonna make her less suspicious.

"no. you are." she giggles. "you like him."

the bold statement makes your eyes go wide, shaking your head and denying the accusation on the spot because you can't possibly like someone you just met.

"i don't even know the guy," you tell her, trying to convince her as much as you are to yourself, hoping she won't catch how tense you're sounding at just the mere topic of this guy.

"so?" she shrugs, leaning back with her hands to the sheet. "you can't know a person within one night. finding out about the person is all part of the journey to eventually, a relationship."

you just learned the guy's name and now she's already bringing up the possibility of a relationship.

"believe me, y/n." she sits back up, intensely locking eyes with you and voice stern as if schooling a child. "the almost 3 years i've known you, i've never seen you look at anyone like that."

"you're being dramatic," you say, but the girl is still persistent, repeating herself and assuring you san is special.

"you're meeting him monday, right?"

"yes." you nod, a part of you still nervous but also excited to be seeing him again.

"tell me how it goes!"

when monday rolls around, you don't wanna think grace is right, but from how your heart is pitter pattering in your chest and you even glanced an extra time at the mirror before coming, you're afraid she just might be.

you don't have class till noon, and though he didn't specify the time, you just assumed it was around the same as last time, making yourself comfortable and occupied by scrolling through your social feeds.

the opening of the cafe door is missed and you don't fully comprehend he's here until a small 'hi' pulls you from the screen, looking up as he smiles down at you and you're reminded of why it's so hard to look away from this man.

"hey," you greet as calm as your nerves allows you to.

he takes the seat across and settles his backpack the same as he did before, the smile on him never having left his face the entire time.

"no drinks or what?" he says, the slightly teasing tone lightening up the atmosphere.

"i wanted to wait till you get here," you tell him. "i thought it would be rude if i ordered ahead of time."

he chuckles and shakes his head.

"no worries. i would've understand, but i appreciate the consideration." there's a split second of silence before he continues, "tell me what you want, i can go order."

you hum and think as if you don't get the same thing everytime; san jumping in when you can't seem to make a choice.

"strawberry peach, right?" he asks, an eyebrow raised.

"strawberry peach," you confirm, reaching for your bag to give him the change. "here's--"

but he kindly interrupts you, waving it off and assuring he got it

"are you sure?" you ask, a kind of worry in your voice because you feel slightly bad he has to pay for your $3 drink.

"of course. i'll be back."

and he goes off with a smile; you catching the dimple poking out of his cheek before he left and you think it just might be your favorite thing about him... not that you're keeping track of others.

you thank him quietly when he returns, mind suddenly empty when it comes to topic although you two were just talking a few days ago like you were never gonna run out of things to talk about--then you remember.

"right... so my pen," you bring up, hoping it's not too straightforward but you really wanted to say something.

his face lights up, the realization hitting him as well.

"oh, right right. give me a sec," he says, pulling his backpack and digging through it before pulling out the sketch pen yeosang got you almost two christmas ago. "your pen."

he hands it to you and you accept it with the sincerest 'thank you' you could let out, playing with it in your hand because you did think the old thing was lost for good.

"don't forget it this time," he teases; your head picking up to let out a snicker.

"i won't."

he nods, staring at the pen you've still yet to put away and thinking back to what you were doing the last time you were here.

"you're an artist?" he asks, the question casting your eyes with a twinge of shyness at such wording.

you've never considered yourself an artist. if you did, you think it'd be an insult to actual artists.

"i draw and major in arts but i'm not an artist," you tell him with a shake of your head and a dry snicker this time.

"then you're an artist," he says, shrugging with the most nonchalant expression painting him.

you chuckle, continuing to deny such bold claim.

"just because someone cooks that also doesn't make them a chef."

"that's fair," he agrees, thinking the logic makes total sense. "but i'm sure your arts are amazing."

here's to sitting with probably the cutest guy you've ever met, and he's telling you you're amazing at the one thing you're passionate about and you're not sure how to feel about that.

"you haven't even seen my work," you say, the mischievous tone in this back and forth feeling more like a banter at this point.

"no. but i saw a glimpse," he defends, really set on the fact he thinks you are totally good at what you do even if you are correct about him not having seen the whole thing, "and i'm sure the actual work is amazing."

you reframe from rolling your eyes and bite at your lips instead so the smile doesn't slip, moving the discussion along because you're more interested about him than your unsatisfactory artist journey.

"so what do you do with you know... math?" you ask, trying to not sound ignorant on the topic but that's exactly how it came off.

thankfully, he finds it cute and laughs it off.

"i went into it because the people around me said i was good at it," he says, a bit unfazed and dull. "that's pretty much it, i guess." and ending it with a smile when he catches your gaze again.

"but do you enjoy it?"

there's a quick silence and san tilts his head slightly, quirking his lips to the side before answering.

"it's not bad. if anything, it's been easy, so i'm glad for that at least."

you nod, smiling in return.

"that's good. only one more year and we'll be done."

"yeah," he says, letting out a loose chuckle after. "i can't wait. there's something i want to do after, but for now, we'll have to see what happens."

and you wanna ask him more about it; what is it that he wants to do after and just more about him in general, but you have taken notice of the clock sitting behind him and the fact you only have 20 minutes to get to campus.

you kindly thank him again for returning the pen as well as the drink, and in the midst of all turmoil and conflicted feelings because you don't know how to ask if you're gonna see him again, he's the one who fortunately suggests you guys exchange numbers.

you leave the shop with one last wave to him and his handsome smile ingrained in your head for the rest of the day.

but you're still not sure you like him just yet. not until summer.

after almost six hours, a few rest stops, and long stretches of desert roads, the heat of the much southern california is felt along with the sight of palm trees spread out everywhere.

"we've arrived, ladies," yeosang announces, finally parked into the hotel's parking lot after missing at least two turns before he found the place.

as soon as you step out, the summer air is annoying and you wish you hadn't wore long sleeves. but you like summer because it always marked the end of a semester and then the beginning of a new one--the fact you're so close to almost graduating.

you were planning to not do anything all summer, just eager for some rest and break away from the stress that came with school and your part-time job, but yeosang was quick to scrap all plans and make some of his own.

said his friends were gonna go down south and out of town for a whole week and invited him, and he wanted you and grace to come along since it would be the last summer break you all would share before graduating.

you told him you would come as long as he would be driving and he didn't have any problems. he thinks you and grace are terrible drivers though you would say otherwise.

"and who are these friends of yours again?" you ask, taking your luggage out of the trunk and staring up into the hotel you guys would be staying at, amazed at the amount of floors the building holds.

"you know," yeosang replies, shutting the trunk after he's made sure nothing's left behind, "yunho, wooyoung, and some others at the party."

you hum at the vagueness of the answer, following both your friends to the hotel's lobby that has a mix of modernness but also slight tropical and beach vibes, the color scheme a combination of white, woodsy brown, and green.

after being given your room keys, you don't wanna do anything but lay down and rest for a bit though yeosang should be more tired than you, he still has enough energy to roam the rest of the hotel when grace asked.

your room is a single queen bed and has almost the perfect view to beach if not for the huge palm tree that happens to sit in front.

yeosang and grace had initially wanted just one room together to save on cost but you didn't wanna be that person, and especially the third wheel to everything, so you cut your losses.

it's gonna be hefty on your wallet but it's only for a week, and plus, you get your own privacy and space away from the eyes of your friends.

the late preparations and long drive left almost no free time, so instead, the night is spent on the rooftop restaurant of the hotel where grace wanted to eat at, and after finishing your meal, you excuse yourself to go shower and sleep first because you want to wake up early for breakfast.

--

you wind up in the dining room alone at 7:30 in the morning because both your friends moaned and groaned about it being too early.

your breakfast consists of two pancakes, scrambled eggs, a banana, and a cup of coffee; choosing to settle on a table in the far corner.

you watch the many guests go in and out of the dining room, also keeping yourself occupied with your phone while eating hoping to finish fast enough so you'll be able to go back upstairs to do your makeups and pick out an outfit since your friends want to go sightseeing later.

and you were doing pretty good keeping your eyes to the entrance of the dining room, but you must've missed their arrival, because as you go to shove a piece of pancake down your throat, the slight tap on your shoulder makes your head turn.

"san..." you say his name so naturally, it just instinctly rolling off your tongue.

you haven't seen him in a while, but now he's standing in front of you although you're almost 6 hours away from home.

"hey, y/n," he greets, the smile you also haven't seen in a while making all of that strange sensation come back as he takes the seat across from you.

"hey," you say, your shock now morphing into actual joy at the fact he's here. "what are you doing here?"

"wooyoung invited me," he answers, nodding off in a direction that your eyes shoot to, seeing wooyoung, yunho, and a couple others from the party just as yeosang said, huddled around an area of the room you can't believe you missed.

"oh," you mumble, as if all of this should've been expected and it's no surprise san is here too.

"and where are your friends? what are they doing to be leaving you alone like this?" his voice a mix of teasing but also concern, it's hard to tell which one is louder.

but you laugh, telling him your friends stayed up way too late last night and didn't wanna get up this early.

"i see." he nods. "well, good thing i found you." he smiles again, every single time making your heart strangely tight.

you didn't see san much after the cafe meeting, or at all. the both of you busy with either school, work, or other responsibilities, most of the interactions were limited to texting, and even then, it was hardly a daily occurence.

though you guys did exchange instagrams and he poked fun of you because your profile picture was a digital painting you did of yourself and you had 3 posts only--all of them also of art works, he at least complimented you.

said you have an amazing gift and all that even if you're still trying to believe it yourself, you appreciate the kindness.

"yeah," you say. "kind of crazy we were going on the same trip and didn't even know it."

the realization makes the both of you giggle in sync, the conversation and atmosphere so easy flowing, it's hard to believe you haven't talked to him face to face for a few months now.

"but again, we were kind of occupied with our own thing and all that," he tries reasoning. "but i'm glad you're here. it will be fun, you know. wooyoung they're all a little loud but i'm sure you got a friend to match the energy."

you nod, a smile on your lips almost the whole time and your food going cold because san just said he's glad you're here.

"oh for sure. we will fit just right in with yeosang."

it was a night where you and san texted for much longer than usual when he told you how him and wooyoung became friends. the boy younger than him by a few months but so much more extroverted and chaotic in every other way.

nonetheless, he said wooyoung is a great friend to have and he's grateful for the wonderful people he's met through him.

you were mostly focus on the initial surprise and shock of seeing san here, you didn't even realize he's sat down with you the entire time before he's even got anything to eat.

"you should probably go grab something," you tell him, your tone sweet and concern even if you've yet to really become close to this man.

he briefly checks over his shoulder to find his friends still occupied and not seated, shaking his head.

"i'll wait for them. besides, if i go, i'm afraid you're gonna try to run away."

you can't help the squint that takes over one of your eyebrows, the line between teasing, being friendly, and flirting blurring into one and you feel you're giving yourself too much credits for even thinking of the possibility of the last one.

but before you can say anything, a rather familiar and nice-sounding voice beats you to it.

"hey, y/n!"

it's yunho, face and body language as kind and welcoming as ever, and with his girlfriend wrapped around his arm who you've also learned from san, prefers her korean name, jiwon, over her american given one.

"hey!" you try to be enthusiatic as much as you allowed yourself to without the help of yeosang. this is usually his field of expertise.

they ask about your friends whereabouts the same as san, and you give the same response as they hum and nod in understanding.

"well it's perfect we ran into you here then," yunho beams. "we're thinking of hitting the pool this evening, you guys care to join?"

you're probably the worst person to ask out of your group, swimming not really being your thing and all, but you give yunho your words that you'll ask yeosang and grace first, guaranteeing the fact the two are gonna say yes.

they eventually excuse themselves and bid you goodbye, the process catching some of the other guys attention as they take notice to you and give out small waves before disppearing to get breakfast.

"awesome. i guess i'll see you then."

san snaps you back, meeting his gaze and throwing a smile that could melt you on the spot.

"we'll see," you mumble.

"i should probably leave you to finish your food then. you leaving soon?" he looks down at your plate and you follow, feeling almost embarrassed at the mess that you've only half ate.

"yeah. i think i'm good for breakfast." you chuckle lightly.

he pretends to pout, quirking one side of his lips.

"aww i'm sorry for distracting you. yeah i really should get going."

"oh no you're good. i'll just be on my way."

"alright. i'll see you later?"

"yeah, i'll see you later."

and with that, after watching him walk away as he bids one last farewell, you clear your table and head back upstairs; the encounter heavy on your mind as you start rummaging your luggage for an outfit.

"no no. you don't understand. you need the perfect swimsuit!"

grace's voice ring throughout the tiny store at the beachfront and you're regretting telling her san's gonna be there at all. because now, she's dead set on impressing san and making sure you wow him tonight.

currently, she's trying to convince you to give in to a black two piece that has the bottom hiked so high up your waist with barely any coverage for the buttocks, you think your father would disown you if he sees you in it.

yeosang distracts himself by the glass and hat sections, leaving you girls to talk amongst yourselves, though he doesn't shy away from passing snide remarks because he knows you even better than grace and that you're shopping way out of your comfort zone.

"girl, i'm looking for clothes to swim in, not to seduce him," you say annoyingly when she won't give up.

"you don't know that!" she squeaks, giving the two piece another once over. "you're gonna look totally hot in it!"

"then buy it for yourself." you cross your arms, narrowing your eyes at her. "i'm not wearing that in front of like what? 8 or something guys."

she frowns before dropping a loud, "fine!" placing the piece back on its rack and turning to you to mimick your posture. "you are such a pick me."

the comment makes you scoff, rolling your eyes at your best friend's antics.

"excuse you. just because i'm a lot more reserved and hesitant doesn't mean i want to be different or whatever society wants to paint us more shy girlies."

"yeah yeah," she brushes you off, waving in the air. the topic one you two already had one too many times. "but i won't need it for myself because i already brought a cute swimsuit from home."

"well that's great. then maybe we can just head back to the hotel," you say, delivery a type of sarcastic to play along but she clearly isnt very amused, pouting and scoffing at you the entire walk back.

"i don't wanna be the only one in a swimsuit!" she yells at you in the comfort of your hotel room, having came down a few minutes ago because she wanted to know what you're gonna wear.

but you dismiss and excuse her complaints with a roll of your eyes. "you'll be fine, grace. and even if, more power and attention to you."

little did you know you'd end up being the odd one out, finally showing up to the pool with your friends and seeing everyone in appropriate attire while you're out with a pair of gym shorts and a black t-shirt, having told your friends you're probably not gonna swim.

"hey guys!"

the voice just now belonging to hongjoong, who you recognize and remember the few occasions you happened to see him with yeosang. he's a year older and already graduated but is definitely the backbone of the group, yeosang said.

everyone already there greets all three of you, friendly smiles and welcoming body languages, the amount of people is quite overwhelming but you try your best to hide it, returning the gestures with a smile of your own.

some's sprawled on the lounge chairs, some already in the pool, and some sitting idly in the hot tub.

but you don't see him anywhere.

you didn't come for him in particular (if you did, you would've bought the two piece your friend so hard tried pushing). you came for your friend and the kindness of his other friend group, but your eyes do naturally search for him and you notice his absence immediately.

but you don't wanna ask. it just doesn't feel right to.

"well don't just stand there! get your butts in the pool!" wooyoung splashes the three of you as you flinch and instinctly try to protect the sketchbook you brought along in case your friends get pulled away by their extroverted activities and you don't have anything better to do.

"jung wooyoung! i'm gonna get you for that!" yeosang shouts, the boy's teasing doing exactly what he wanted as your friend jumps in the pool and chases after a giggly wooyoung.

grace chuckles beside you, pulling you by the wrist. "come on, let's go." but you're quick to stop and tell her you're gonna sit for a bit first.

she sighs but lets it go, threatening to get you wet and soak the sketchbook if you don't get in after a while.

you watch your friends and even if you're not the one having all the fun, the fact they look like they are makes you happy enough, shaking your head and giggling when you see grace and yeosang attempt to do a breath-holding contest or tries submerging the other's head into the water.

you made sure to choose the chair furthest from the pool because you don't want yeosang pulling anything funny.

a couple doodles and swimming competition between wooyoung and yeosang for the 4th time, the sudden voice in your ear makes the hair on your skin raise, flinching slightly to turn and meet his gaze.

he goes from expressionless to a smile that you almost want to poke his dimples for having the guts to show up this close.

and when he pulls away, asking what you're doing, you barely register his words because you're too busy trying to not drool over this man being shirtless and looking like the best art you've ever seen, making anything you've ever created pale in comparison.

but fortunately (or unfortunately), you don't get to dissect him for too long because you're more curious who the lady standing beside him is and why you haven't seen her before.

she's in a ruffle yellow swimsuit with sunglasses and a sunhat that goes perfectly with whatever aesthetic she was going for. and you think she looks like what grace probably had in vision for you when she wanted you to wow san.

"san! ashley! get over here!" you all snap to the call of hongjoong as he waves in the air from the pool, the water stopping at his armpit.

ashley.

"you coming with us?" san asks, his tone welcoming and inviting, but you're gonna sit this one out.

"i'm good," you answer with a small smile, and he quirks his lips to the side at that, dropping his shoulders at the answer before nodding.

"alright," he says. "but you can always join us whenever. if not, i hope you'll have fun," he refers to the sketchbook in your hands and you feel it sinking deep into your chest, a bit embarrassed by the fact but he just laughs it off.

"i'll see you," he bids, making his way to the others and guiding the new girl (to you) by the small of her back.

and you really try to focus on the sketch, your inspirations drawn from people, places, and things around you. the current sunset absolutely beautiful in its orange hue, but you can't miss the laughters and fun san is sharing with the new girl, and you don't miss how the more you're with this man, the more a type of longing blossoms.

how, everytime he's in sight, your eyes just naturally follows him. settles on him. like you just wanna look at him all day.

you shake the thoughts off, which becomes quite easy once yeosang and grace along with a couple others decides they're done for good, and seonghwa, the oldest of you all, suggests to end the night by sharing dinner together.

it's on him and hongjoong, he said.

the rooftop restaurant feels different this time in the company of others. you stick close to your friends and observe everyone else like a lost little puppy when you have nothing better to do.

it's loud and chaotic and you're struggling to keep up with everyone and everything, but you manage to catch the smile of san when grace starts going off about something embarrassing you did in freshmen year as revenge for not getting in the pool.

you shout and defend your name and dignity but it doesn't help much with yeosang jumping in, leading to a long night of teasing and bullying from your friends in the face of everyone as they laugh at the 'endearing' friendships you guys share.

and by the end of the night, you almost forgot about san or the fact you guys barely interacted. not until you're fresh out the shower and recovering your social battery that you get the first text from him in a while.

san: it's true the story your friend told?

you can't even help the chuckle that escapes, catching yourself and going on to reply.

y/n: 😭 i hate grace lmfao

san: it's okay😅 we all just casually poop our pants in the middle of the night

y/n: 🙄

san: kidding 😁

san: hey. i was thinking if you'd like to get breakfast together tomorrow?

san: im sorry we didn't get to talk a lot today. you looked so uncomfortable during dinner 😅

the comment flusters you, thinking about the fact san was watching and saw how out of place you really looked.

y/n: just not used to big crowds lol

san: i can see that

san: but it's okay. it'll just be us tmr 🙂

y/n: won't your friends be there?

san: nope. they dont like the food lol

san: how about urs? will they be coming?

y/n: most likely not. those two don't wake until almost noon

san: perfect lol. i'll see you then?

y/n: maybee 😀

and he probably didn't push too hard because it's almost like he knew you're gonna be there; waking up before it's even 7 and sitting at the same table from before, watching guests go in and out of the room hoping to catch the boy that sent you the text last night.

his face lights up the same as you when he enters, waving in the air and heading your direction, you really shouldn't feel so nervous but excited at the sight of him walking.

"hey!" he greets cheerfully, sliding into the seat across with a smile.

"good morning," you return, hands curled in your lap and happy he can't see them because you wonder what he'd think.

"how you'd sleep?" he ask the same time he combs over his morning hair, never in your life has someone looked so good doing so, you didn't even think it was possible.

"good," you manage to answer with composure. "and you?"

"alright." he shrugs. "wooyoung was just mostly drunk and annoying from last night's dinner."

a small giggle also laced with empathy escapes from you. "well i'm sorry to hear. i hope today will be better."

he nods. "hopefully." then realizing you haven't even gotten your food, talking in a concerned tone, "don't tell me you were waiting for me."

"i was," you say. "don't worry about it. i'm not that hungry. the dinner last night kept me filled plenty."

"if you say so..." he lingers a bit before continuing, "should we go now?"

"sure."

you also get close to the same thing you got last time, with the exception that they've switched out pancakes for waffles, getting a question from san after sitting down about your food choices.

"well, i really only eat korean foods," you tell him. "i'm not too fond of anything else besides what's on my plate right now."

"ahh. so you're a picky eater?"

"somewhat. that's why yeosang hates going out to eat with me."

san lets out a quiet snicker, something more mischievous bubbling in his eyes that you don't read into.

"you talk about yeosang a lot... does yours and his relationship ever bothers your other friend?" he asks, the question stopping you from sipping your coffee.

the friendly and harmless tone still in the air but you can't hide the fact the question flusters you a little.

"well, me and yeosang have known each other for a while... even before grace, so she understands that we don't see each other like that at all."

san quirks his lips and nods, taking your words for it.

"why?" you speak again. "do we give out that kind of vibe?" you ask worriedly, because you would never want to unintentionally (or intentionally) hurt grace in any ways. on your life you have never seen yeosang for more than the annoying middle schooler you couldn't get rid of.

but as san shakes his head, you feel a sense of relief, watching as a light smirk creep up on his face.

"just wondering," he says, so calmly but eerie at the same time, you can't quite grasp the intention. but then something else comes over, and you forget all about deciphering san's answer; not really wanting to but letting the intrusive thoughts win.

"and that girl you were with yesterday? you guys together?" you ask, no menance in your voice; just a natural curioisity because you wanna know... not for any reasons deeper.

"she's a friend," he answers fast and casual. "i know her from my previous school because we were under the same program and have similar interests and whatnot."

"i see," you mumble, a light smile anyone would've missed because you don't wanna admit to anyone why the fact brings you a sense of comfort.

but it doesn't cut it with grace.

"that's what they always say!" she cries dramatically, after storming into your room when she was finally done sleeping past noon and the events of yesterday hit her.

but you don't have any reasons to doubt san, even if you love your best friend and wanna take her words for it, you don't think it's fair to assume someone you barely know is trying to take your man that isn't really your man.

"for all you know, they could be fucking behind doors."

"grace!" you yell your friend's name at such accusation, your ears turning red at even the thought of it.

"sorry," she mutters, but barely meaning it, only shrugging off what needed to be said.

"i just don't want you to be hurt in the end," she says, voice a kind of sympathy you didn't even know you need.

because yes, you think san is handsome. he is kind and unusually attentive to you for whatever reasons, and seeing someone else by his side made your stomach queasy all for the wrong reasons... but you don't feel justified in feeling a certain way just because your friend says you should.

you're not with him and you still don't even know if you wanna be with him.

“trust me, grace,” you assure her, a confident smile settling on your lips that she only frowns to. “i’ll be fine.”

and as much as she wants to believe it, it’s hard not to doubt knowing the way you are.

how, though you’ve navigated through life barely getting romantically involved with boys, it wouldn’t be difficult for someone like san to get you wrapped around his fingers if he wants to.

the guy way too charming; how he just casually checks all criteria from looks to personality, the girl herself rooting for you and him initially, but quickly rethinking the choice after last night.

yet, you don't let what your friend says get to you. or at least you try not to, but it's loud and it bothers you through the day... if someone as likeable as san would be able to hurt you.

if he could lie and deceive you and not even feel bad about it.

but when he pops by your side at night; yours and his friend group having the want to go clubbing, and he stays with you almost entirely, neglecting the girl grace said you should be worried about, you can't even remember why you doubted him in the first place.

not when he'd ask questions about you all night long as if he really wants to know you, so interested in the arts and work you do and accompanying you when everyone else is busy enjoying themselves.

and especially when he'd get breakfast with you every morning until the trip is over, a part of you glad but another saddened by the fact because you know you won't get to see him everyday anymore.

you'll have to go back to the old routine of working and assignments, no more butterflies or feelings of tightness in your chest and stomach, uncertain when you're gonna even get to see or talk to him again.

but one thing you know for sure, is that by the end of summer, you're positive you like choi san.

you're positive you like san, because every time your phone rings with a notification, you can't help but wish it's him--replying to a meme you've sent a few hours ago, or asking how your day has been.

that when grace commented on how your art style has changed, as if they've been pulled and inspired by someone or something, she wasn't just trying to tease you.

grace also being the same person to explain the feelings in your chest and stomach, and why your breath is taken away each time whenever you see him.

even if she was skeptical a few months ago and yelling in your face he's gonna hurt you, seeing the way he is around you has calmed her mind to some extent.

the way he actually treats you with interests and and respect, listening and nodding when you talk and asking you about everything, managing to convince your friend somewhat he might take a liking to you and that you won't come out of this wounded.

he's even become closer with yeosang; the craziness of just how different but also alike these two are, able to carry a conversation on for hours and making grace and you feel forgotten.

"so you guys are coming, right?" san asks the three of you in a corner of the library, quick to associate the spot with you and your friends after asking about your whereabouts one day.

"uh--"

"of course!" yeosang beats you to it, both you and grace narrowing your eyes at the boy in the middle. "we wouldn't wanna miss it."

grace sneers and throws yeosang another look.

"right, because the other two parties where you made a clown show of yourself wasn't enough." she shakes her head and lowers it back to her notebook, mumbling under her breath, "i'm not babysitting."

yeosang pouts immediately, putting on an act and a voice to go with it that makes you wanna throw a punch his way.

"babe, please..."

"no."

"it'd be the last college party before we graduate."

"no."

then he turns to you and hopes you'll take pity.

"y/n?"

you fume under your nose and follow grace as you start scribbling so he gets the hint, because you also don't wanna go to this party. even if wooyoung's the one throwing it and you're all gonna be graduating soon.

you'd rather just end your college career in peace.

"san's going so you're already automatically going anyway," yeosang says, losing his patience and throwing you under the bus to be petty, receiving a kick to his ankle from under the table in return.

"you really should think about coming," san brings it up one more time on the walk to your next class, after leaving the lovebirds in the library to talk it out between them.

you come to a stop when you've both reached the building, standing before him with your textbook curled in your arms and quirking your lips to the side.

"i'll think about it, but if grace don't wanna come, yeosang probably won't."

"why not come by yourself?" he suggests, like it's the easiest thing in the world. but he knows you well at this point, adding, "i know it's probably scary going without your friends, but trust me, you won't be alone. i'll be there so you won't ever have to worry about it." he smiles.

and his words. his body language. his smile. they all come off so sincere and genuine, you just wanna believe him and everything he says.

that he won't ever hurt you. make you feel inadequate and question everything about yourself, because liking someone isn't supposed to feel painful and it isn't supposed to make your heart ache.

but when you show up to the party without your friends, the people you recognize doesn't do anything to ease your anxiety, especially when the number pales in comparison to people you don't recognize.

and by now, you're more than sure you like san because despite his efforts to make you feel welcomed and comfortable amongst the sea of strangers he knows scares you, it doesn't matter when the girl beside him makes you feel uneasy all night.

when butterflies and a beating heart are replaced by the wish to run, liking someone is no longer fun.

"what! you are such a liar!" ashley squeaks with a giggle, pushing san's shoulder lightly in a friendly banter. the kind that makes you feel like you're intruding and disrupting something confidential by following san all night like a lost puppy.

"no! i'm forreal," san defends himself from the girl's teasing, his cheeks flushing pink even in the bad kitchen lighting.

"you were messing with her!"

he chuckles and you're wondering why you're still even here--or how the conversation of san and another girl not you or ashley even started.

"i promise, we were just friends," he says.

ashley shakes her head, smirking the same time she drinks from the cup in her hand, and when she looks san in the eye, she isn't just the girl san's friend with anymore.

because if grace were to yell in your face again about this girl and all the reasons you should be worried, you would agree with her.

even if you still don't feel justified... you like san now, and you can't help but think she's a threat.

"cute, isn't he?" she turns to you, her gaze burning and making you feel small on the spot. her confidence something she walks with proudly and with an aura you hate yourself for even admiring, "but unfortunately a hard one to tie down."

her words and tone cryptic, you can only blink as you try to digest what she said just now and if it was meant to be a dig at you.

you clear your throat, not feeling any bigger with the volume but excusing yourself either way to use the restroom.

just sit in there and think of any excuses in order to get out of here, regretting not staying with yeosang and grace to watch alice in borderland for the 5th time while eating wingstop.

because if you did, you wouldn't be feeling this way. out of place and with the boy you like slipping right by the palm of your hand.

your phone buzzing in your lap takes the moment away, looking down to see the one person you wanna hear from, even if he's also responsible for the doubts in your head.

san: hey. you good?

san: im outside the bathroom. i don't wanna knock though bc im scared it might not be you in there lol

you don't respond, instead going to open the door even if you should be contemplating about a valid reason to go home, chest and face nearly knocking into him, you can only gulp.

"hey." he smiles.

"hey," you mumble, wondering if he can even hear especially with the amount of bodies littering the hallway, but he does judging by the reaction.

"you okay?" he asks, voice concerned the way it always is.

"yeah..." you answer, your stance so awkward. "just needed some space." you try laughing it off, to which he returns one much to your relief.

"i see. well, should we go somewhere quieter? with less people?"

"actually..." your volume simmers, afraid he's gonna take it the wrong way. "i was thinking of going home."

he stares at you a second too long before responding with a simple "oh." the wheels going off in his head until an idea comes over. "that's fine. i can take you home."

"no, you're good. yeosang said he'd pick me up when i'm ready."

"no, let me. i want to. plus, i invited you so it's only fair."

and you weren't gonna argue with him; not when he was already pulling out his keys and telling you to follow him out the house and into his car.

"aren't you a little drunk?" you tease, after watching him pull at the seatbelt.

"a little." he smirks, turning to you. "but i'm good for the most part. i didn't drink that much."

right. because he was mostly engaged and immersed in conversations and banters that you weren't a part of, with the girl you're still wondering what happened to.

"where did your friend go?" you ask, as casually as possible.

"ashley? she got pulled away by some pool table game wooyoung they wanted to play."

you just nod, though the many unanswered questions about this friend bothers you, moving to look ahead and admire the size of wooyoung's house the same time san starts the engine. and that's when you realize, this might be the first time you and san are actually alone.

without hotel guests, nosy friends, partygoers, or people that frequents the cafe, but more importantly--without being behind the screens of your phones.

"the university's dorms, correct?"

"correct."

as he drives you back to the place, he can't stop asking questions.

"how'd you like it there?"

"pretty good. i have all i need, and the best part is i get to room with grace, so."

he sends a small smile your way in midst of driving, and you think he looks so attractive doing so. his hands on the wheel and his relaxed stance as he listens attentively like the boyfriend you never had.

"that's great," he says, coming to a stop at a red light, looking your way immediately. "that's a nice outfit by the way. i can't believe i didn't tell you earlier."

and you really wanna blush and grow shy at the fact he pays you this much attention, but you really just giggle instead.

"well thanks. you look pretty great yourself."

he steps on the gas at the green and scoffs but the corner of his lips pulling into a small smile.

"you're just saying that to say it."

you wanna tell him he don't even know how much you mean it. how unbelievable it is-- the fact he just walks around looking like that all the time.

but you chuckle it off and you're sure he's just playing with you, the drive weaving through the fall weather and city lights as an air of fresh and relief come over, you can't believe you were so apprehensive not even 40 minutes ago back at wooyoung's party.

"here we are," he says, pulling into the dorm's parking lot you had to help him find.

"thanks," you tell him. "i appreciate it."

"no problem," he replies, a silence lingering after and an expression on his face that something's clearly bothering him. "hey..."

"yeah?"

"i'm sorry about tonight... if anything made you uncomfortable."

you only smile, though the reminder makes your heart heavy with today's events, you're happy he noticed and care.

it seems to just be how he is; eyes and ears always attentive and sometimes a little too curious.

"it's okay," you assure. because even if you are upset, it doesn't feel like you have the rights to. as if you're just making all of this up in your head to ruin the night. "i think it was mostly because yeosang and grace wasn't there," you lie.

"i understand. would've been a lot better if they had made it."

"yeah, but it's okay. you going back after dropping me off?"

he nods. "i have to, unfortunately. wooyoung would want me to."

you hum lowly in acknowledgment, your legs closed together and your throat tight all of a sudden.

"well i hope you'll have fun the rest of the night. i'm sorry i couldn't stay longer."

"i'll try to," he says, a quiet giggle leaving. "won't be the same without you but probably should've picked a better place, you know."

"it's all good," you say with a smile, head whipping around to the darkly lit dorm building and its entrance. "i should probably get going."

"should i walk with you?"

you look at him while unbuckling your seatbelt, shaking your head. "i got it. i'd rather you get back to your friends."

he opens his mouth to say something but quickly takes it back, trying again.

"hey," he says so softly, you can almost melt into the look in his eyes, staring at you with blinking lashes.

"yeah?"

"so i thought this was really nice, you know... the car ride and all." he stops for a second to find his words. "i was wondering if you'd like to do it again? i think the cafe's nice, but this is a good change of scenery."

and you wonder if san can hear the beating of your heart especially in the quiet of his car, but you quickly pick yourself up to answer, "i'd love to do this again." you smile, and san returns one.

"perfect. i'll text you."

"i look forward."

which is why even if you didn't have the greatest of time; most of the night spent in self-doubts and regrets, you also don't beat yourself up for what he could be doing after he dropped you off.

what he's doing at the party or who he's having fun with, because afterall, he asked you out.

said it with a sweet look in his eyes and a tone to match, you'd rather look forward to what went right than what didn't; sleeping under your sheet in the dark of the night, sacrificing any uncertainty for restful sleep.

"these fries are way too salty."

you listen to san complains, his posture relaxed but face scowling at the fast food he just shoved down his throat a few seconds ago.

a laugh bubbles out of you and you shake your head, munching on the fries you protested on getting, but san way too stubborn to convince otherwise.

"you're right. maybe we should've gotten burgers," he says, looking at you and placing the food back in the bag. "never again."

"maybe," you mutter with a quiet giggle.

san had texted you exactly two days after the party, the reminder cracking the biggest smile on your face that grace took notice to and immediately wanted to know the cause of.

"it's totally a date!" your friend says, squealing after you tell her of why you wanna blush just now.

"it's not a date."

she sighs and rolls her eyes, prying your phone right from your hand that gets you up from the bed to fight her.

"he even put a smiling emoji. what else would that mean!?" she continues squeaking and dodging your attempts, until you manage to snatch it back.

"i think he's just being nice."

he picked you up, asked for suggestions on what to eat (and didn't listen), and paid for everything before pulling into the parking lot of a store opened 24 hours.

"so..." he starts speaking, hands cleared of salt from the fries and now looking at you through his car's lighting. "excited to graduate soon?"

you nod. "of course. and you?"

"for sure," he answers, attention pulled away to the front merely before meeting your eyes again. "any plans yet?"

"not much luck. kind of figure i'll think about that after," you answer with a dry chuckle. your bleak future not something to laugh about, but it's a way of coping. "you?"

and you asked out of pure curiosity and interest, but at the way his face falls, you would've thought you insulted him. watching his eyes go dark and almost nervous, the atmosphere shifting when he just sits in silence for too long.

"sorry," you mumble apologetically, bringing light to his eyes once more when he just shakes his head.

"no, you're good. i'm sorry. i was just thinking."

"it's okay," you assure, "if it's still something you're thinking of."

"yeah." he smiles, the act almost forced, but you try to not linger on the thought. why he tends to shut down when you ask too many questions and want to know too much... the same he does to you.

"hey," he attempts to revive the atmosphere he was responsible for killing. "can i ask you something?"

you tilt your head slightly at that, placing the empty bag of fries back where it came from and nodding in response.

"we talked about this briefly, but i really wanna know how you felt about the party. you didn't look like you enjoyed it at all." and it wasn't because yeosang nor grace were there.

you swallow, unprepared for the topic to make it back around, but answering with honesty to the best of your ability; just slightly leaving out what really shattered your confidence that night.

"it's just hard for me in general to really enjoy myself in that kind of setting." though you tried and was having some fun, until you weren't.

"i understand, and i appreciate you for trying. i just still feel bad for pulling you along when it was clearly out of your comfort zone, so i have to make sure."

it's the way he speaks and acts, always asking about you and caring about your wellbeing more than he should--that makes it hard to want to be upset when he doesn't want you to do the same in return.

when he closes himself off, always with the invisible barrier you shouldn't cross because he doesn't wanna tell you more than what you should know.

"it's just more so i also didn't really know anyone there. everyone else were occupied, and you were uh... talking to your friend," you say, mumbling the last part because you think you might be pushing it, but san doesn't seem fazed. he just shifts in his spot.

"yeah," he answers coolly, "hard to get her to stop talking once she starts." a light smile curls up at his lips and you try to not let it bother you.

but it's like he can read your thoughts; knows exactly the concerns running through your head and the apprehension overtaking your face when he spits the next sentence, "there's nothing going on between us, if that's what you're wondering. when i said she's a friend, i mean it."

and you don't know whether to be relieved or embarrassed he knows you a little too well.

"though she did like me at one point, that's the past," he adds, searching you for any signs of a reaction, and he gets one he also knows too well.

when your lips goes into a pout and your eyes swell with a type of curioisity in them, eager to poke your nose where it doesn't belong.

"and did you... like her back?" you ask timidly, knowing it isn't your ground but unable to help it.

san's snicker leaves you in confusion, and even more when he just shrugs.

"we're better off as friends. that's what matters."

the answer doesn't lessen the knot in your stomach nor does it bring you any form of relief, even if san doesn't particularly owe you any.

"what's with the face?" his voice snaps you out of your thought and to puppy eyes and blinking lashes staring right back almost mocking you as if he knows exactly what's making you so upset right now.

"nothing," you say, faking a smile. "just thinking."

but there's a shift in atmosphere again, whether you and san wanna acknowledge it or not. something tense that makes you a little on edge, but in a way different from before--the food and drinks and being parked in a public space forgotten at this point.

"have you ever been in a relationship before?" he asks abruptly, the question making you swallow the tension as you try your best to keep the composure.

"i've been in one," you answer, not disappointing him when you return the question, "how about you?"

he smirks, one eyebrow raising when he simply says, "two."

"two?" you repeat, voice raising like you don't believe it. "you look like you'd have a lot more experience."

the comment makes him laugh, his body falling and head thumping against the car seat while his gaze never leaves you.

"what makes you think that?" he says, the smirk once again creeping to his lips as he stares at you in amusement, the scene and tension having switched up so fast, you don't even remember when it ever felt like this in the presence of san.

when all friendliness and formality were gone and replaced by something else that makes you wanna be bolder and get closer to him.

you shrug lightly. "guess it's the way you carry yourself." that makes it so hard to believe.

"either way, if i'm gonna get into a relationship with someone, i have to know them well first and i'd have to be sure it's something i want."

you nod in agreement, though san never particularly striked you as the type to think so much about these kind of things... but again, you feel he's also just barely letting you into a certain part of him he haven't ever.

"that's fair. i would agree," you say, only to a chuckle from him that makes you squint in confusion. "what?"

both his hands are now behind his head and he's looking so entertained for whatever reason.

"you just seem more like the kind to go out of your way to avoid any romantic interactions," he says, giggling after with dimples you can't even admire because you're more flustered by the comment.

"it's more like... i find those things hard unless i'm attracted to someone," you clarify even if you know he's right to an extent, "and it's not often i am attracted to someone, so."

and how funny that when you finally are, he's sitting right across from you with a smirk and unaware of how he's making you feel just being in the same perimeter--or so you think.

"the first guy i was with, i always found intimacy difficult... especially kissing," you add, unsure if you're stepping over the line but you and san are old enough for this.

you're sure he even enjoys it, if the mirth in his eyes and the widest smile on his face says anything.

"maybe you didn't like him that much?" he suggests, tone thrilled like it's some form of fun guessing game. "or he was probably just a sloppy kisser."

"no, like... he was good but i was the one who couldn't kiss for shit," you defend your ex's name, feeling like you have to because he wasn't a bad guy.

"i see," he mumbles, the smirk settling into a soft smile. "at least it was enjoyable for you."

"yeah," you answer, the conversation getting so much more awkward for you. "how was your first kiss like?"

"it was okay." he was anticipating such response by how fast he replied. "it was both of our first time and i did it at the time because i really thought she was the one, but funny to think about it now."

there's a quick silence after as you just stare, the next question already at the tip of your tongue.

"and did you also thought the same for your second relationship?"

he nods to it, gaze now locking yours right back and the even longer silence makes you think he's gonna kiss you. with only the two of you in the car and the moon high in the sky, it's the perfect setup.

but instead, he takes you back to the dorms after moving on and forgetting about the whole conversation and drops you off with a sweet and friendly smile.

he doesn't kiss you. not this time or any others when he could've.

even if it would've been nice if he did. if he was sure it was something he wanted, and that you were the one. but it's okay, because you've convinced yourself that being with him is enough.

happy and content he still sends good morning texts, and still wants to hang out once in a while. that he still comments under your instagram posts that happens once in a blue moon, and he still sends you stupid memes.

because you're just the slightest afraid that if you try pushing your feelings onto him, he might not wanna do any of those things anymore.

so you keep him close; even if not in the way you really want, he's still beside you. that's what matters.

"he likes you, y/n!" grace preaches while pacing back and forth.

you were just enjoying your day off and with a book in your hand when your roommate and best friend came back from a date--with the first thing on her mind somehow being you and san.

"he doesn't," you answer, annoyed at this point and already having put down the book after losing your place at least three times due to her.

"no." she pouts and plops down on her bed facing you. "i've seen the way he looks and act around you. my instinct has a 90% accuracy."

seen how san's eyes would always linger on you whenever you're in the room, and having caught the smiles that would usually decorate his lips when you do something clumsy or endearing.

going above and beyond to do and say things that if yeosang was to do and say to another girl, she'd drag him by the ear and make him sleep outside.

but the statement's only met with an eyeroll from you.

"your instinct said san and ashley were fucking and they weren't, so?"

"that was the other 10%," your friend yaps, calming one second after. "i want you to just trust me on this one. if he doesn't like you, he wouldn't do what he does for you."

but you just can't help but to grow more irritated even if it's done out of good intentions. you're already frustrated and confused and grace isn't helping.

"maybe because he's just a nice person in general," you tell her, never having witnessed san be rude and unkind to anyone ever.

your friend sighs, her shoulders dropping but still wanting to encourage and give you some form of hopes because she knows how much you like san. how much you wish he'd ask you out.

"he might be just as scared of rejection or messing up the friendship," she says, then pauses because it's gonna be out of your comfort zone but you have to try. "why don't you ask him out?"

your eyes go wide and you cringe at even the thought of it, telling your friend she's crazy for even thinking of it.

san doesn't like you and you're sure of that.

if he did, he probably would've told you by now, and he would've kissed you all those times when he had the chance. when it was just you and him in his car, in your dorm room, and back at the restaurant.

so you didn't plan on telling him, because you didn't think you could like san even more than you already did.

like him so much to the point that keeping it in was actually painful; when it felt like the only form of relief was to tell him.

at least not until spring again.

"what are you doing?" san's voice pulls your eyes from the sketch and to his face as he stares at you amusingly, your posture incredibly funny to him since you're trying to hide what you're working on.

feet planted on the cushion of the cafe's chair and elbows on your knees with your sketchbook just below your eyes, gawking and peeking at him for the last hour or so.

"i'm making art," you tell him, a giggle bubbling out after that san shakes his head to.

spring has returned. the petals once again fallen from the cherry blossom trees with the wind carrying it away in the streets as the cold chill from winter quiets down even if you still shiver and need a sweater.

you and san are seated at the same table in the corner and he's currently watching the spring show, his eyes following lone petals when they're still attached to the root until they become nothing but scatters on the streets.

his grey hoodie and sharp features a sight to see, especially when it's next to a big glass window with a view to match, though you think san is more beautiful. more than any spring blossoms or art.

feelings of butterflies and a fast heartbeat now replaced by something else--not that you still don't get them once in a while, but everything feels more natural. comfortable.

you find yourself caring for him in ways you usually didn't before. whether he ate, slept, or is genuinely feeling okay--you wanna know and hear all about it.

when he's happy, you're happy with him. but when he's sad or dejected, you also can't help but to feel the same. the last couple of months a ride of events that really tested just how strong the bond and friendship between you and san really is; never would you have predicted you'd grow to care so much about anyone else besides yeosang and grace.

"you shouldn't really be doodling. instead, use the time wisely to really think about what you wanna submit for the exhibition," he says, arms now crossed and eyes away from the window.

"don't worry. i already got an idea," you assure, a playful smile on your lips.

among other things san has helped you with, he was the biggest advocator in you entering the student art exhibition that will be taking place shortly just after the end of the semester.

you've always felt self conscious putting your work out, always choosing and picking carefully even when it came to posting on social media. and even then, your account is privated so only those close to you could see.

art is the only thing you've ever felt truly good at, letting your creations define you more than necessarry, and you're so afraid you'll be told one day that what you do and love isn't good enough.

"i want to but i'm also really not sure," you say, in the peace of the library with san across; the distress and conflict on your face as clear as day.

"why not?" san frowns. "i've seen your work. they're good enough to go in a museum, y/n."

the compliment makes you roll your eyes the same time you let out a scoff. "you're just saying that."

he shakes his head. "i'm so forreal. you're the best artist i know."

"i'm the only artist you know."

"that's not true. i also know uh... leonardo da vinci."

you laugh at that. "but i don't have an artwork worth at least 800 million, so unfortunately i am not better."

"i really don't think the mona lisa's all that great. any of your work would blow it out of the water easy."

there's a second of silence before you start laughing again, prompting san to giggle in return, but he starts, "i'm serious. you should really do it. plus, you'll be graduating soon. i think it's a great opportunity."

"when is it again?" he ask.

"june the 18th," you say, placing your sketchbook and pen down. "you'll be there, right?"

he nods at first, a simple smile settling on him. "of course," he answers, "i'll be there. i promise."

and as the day goes on, sitting in the comfort of the cafe with san as you continue the sketch you started and he occasionally switches between sipping his coffee and the assignment on his laptop, it gets harder to ignore the even stranger feeling that encloses you almost completely.

when the blooming of flowers and trees are fresh, along with the soft, gentle breeze of spring--you think you might be in love with san.

it seemed like it was just yesterday that you were talking graduation with yeosang and grace, but not even a year later, it's become a reality with your cap and gown sitting on your bed and the graduation ceremony merely a week away.

you think, even if with barely any plans after but to move back with your father and see where life takes you, you're still excited.

excited for the next step and for what's to come.

but san on the other hand, never seems too thrilled whenever you bring it up.

you know him to be an open person, always willing to talk about anything and everything; not a single mean bone in this man, except when it comes to talking about himself.

who he really is and who he wants to be after... he never wants to talk about it, so you try to not push it. be understanding and figure that maybe he isn't ready, yet.

that when he wants to tell you and wants you to know, he will.

but it's been a year since you've known him, and with each passing day, what you feel for him only grows gradually; so much that being friends just doesn't cut it anymore.

the feeling of love both exciting but also suffocating, you didn't even know.

you don't mind being friends with him, but staying that way means stopping what could be, and for some reason, the confidence that san feels the same also grows with every moment spent with him.

you didn't use to think so. dismissed grace's "instinct" and all that, chalking it up to san's natural personality to be kind and treat everyone with respect. but you started to see what she was talking about a while ago. you'd like to believe it.

how he's been a lot more touchy and sentimental these past few days; a look always in his eyes like apprehension that you can't quite read into but know something's on his mind. like he wanna say and tell you about it but can't.

then when he texts you the day just before graduation, asking if you two can talk later on in the evening, you certainly feel like this is it.

that he didn't do all of those things for you just to be nice or to be a friend. why else would he had asked to talk if it isn't something significant that he couldn't annouce through text?

you enter san's car that evening with a beating heart and a tight stomach, feeling so nervous and sick, you feel the food you ate just an hour ago coming back up.

and though it's a scene you're all too familiar with--you and san in the parking lot of the university's dorm building, there's an air in tonight's meeting you can't quite gauge.

something tense that makes the both of you sit in silence for a few seconds too long, nervousness gnawing at you once more while you start to doubt if the same is what's causing the current discomfort on san's face.

"hey," you start, trying to lighten the atmosphere that has gotten so awkward already, and you haven't even confessed. "how has your day been?"

he finally lifts his head up to look at you, his hands off the steering wheel and settling on his lap as he try to smile forcefully, you can tell.

"it was good, yeah..." he answers, tone dull and tired, you wonder if maybe he didn't get enough sleep. "you?" he asks in return but it doesn't sound like any other times.

like he didn't ask because he's genuinely interested, but because he has to.

"it was also good. yeah..."

you swallow down the knot in your throat, another long silence engulfing the car as you and san listen to footsteps and chitters of students having just arrived.

"i have something to tell you," you both say and turn to each other at the same time, the scary coincidence of the timing has both your eyes wide as echoes of giggles let loose temporarily.

despite the unpredictability of the other person and the possible turmoil after, you both can laugh for now.

"you go first," he says, nodding his chin your direction and sitting with a beating heart just a tad lower than yours that to you, fills your ears and the entire car.

you take a deep breath, your fingers naturally finding each other in moments of distress and finally uttering the words you've been wanting to tell him for a few months now.

"san, w-we've known each other for about a year now and i know this might be dramatic of me, b-but you're probably the best thing to happen to me," you speak so fast, another habit of yours when under pressure, barely looking him in the eyes to even notice the look in them, "and, and... i think what i wanna say is i like you. i really really like you and i wanna tell you that."

and when you finally level his eyes again, so relieved it's out now, but when you only see the cold, indifferent reaction, nothing like you predicted, you fear the worst.

and when san breaks your heart for the first time, you know you messed up majorly.

"i'm sorry," he mumbles, almost murmuring and keeps his head down as if ashamed to say such thing, "really really sorry."

messed up by letting feelings get in the way of a wonderful friendship with a wonderful person, and let his act of kindness get to your head because how could san ever possibly feel the same?

"no. i'm sorry," you say, volume barely above a whisper and voice between crying and staying strong in front of him. "i-i shouldn't have said that."

"no. it's okay. don't feel bad," he tries assuring in his usual calm and collected tone, but even he knows you don't believe him. but he means it, because he has way more to feel bad and be sorry for. "it's just..."

he can hardly look you in the eyes, your expression of heartbreak and guilt something he should be going through instead.

"i'm gonna be leaving in two days."

it suddenly feels like the world stopped at the drop of those words. your chest constricting and your breath hard to catch, the rejection nothing compared to the realization.

the hard reality that you're gonna be losing san. one moment as if he's right in front of you, you could almost grab him, and the next he's slipping right out of your grasp. just like that.

loving someone is such a horrible, awful feeling.

"w-where to?" you ask, the crack in your voice makes san wince and he can't wait for the night to be over with. for him, and for you.

"seoul, south korea," he answers lowly, pausing before adding, "that's what i wanted to tell you tonight."

and suddenly, everything makes sense. like having found pieces of puzzles you couldn't ever; it all hits you at once.

the first time you met him.

“i went into it because the people around me said i was good at it,” he says, a bit unfazed and dull. “that’s pretty much it, i guess.” and ending it with a smile when he catches your gaze again.

“but do you enjoy it?”

there’s a quick silence and san tilts his head slightly, quirking his lips to the side before answering.

“it’s not bad. if anything, it’s been easy, so i’m glad for that at least.”

you nod, smiling in return.

“that’s good. only one more year and we’ll be done.”

"yeah," he says, letting out a loose chuckle after. "i can't wait. there's something i want to do after, but for now, we'll have to see what happens."

the party.

“cute, isn’t he?” she turns to you, her gaze burning and making you feel small on the spot. her confidence something she walks with proudly and with an aura you hate yourself for even admiring. “but unfortunately a hard one to tie down.”

and all those times he'd dodge your questions and never want to answer anything concerning what it is he actually wants to do, or even how he grew up.

simply because san never planned to stay.

he was always meant to go after... even if he got to know you. he never wanted to be anything more with you.

you can't help the sense of betrayal that blooms from deep within, never wanting to have any ill feelings toward san but the hurt is so strong, you don't remember a time in your life you've ever felt this way before.

being mislead for so long and kept hidden in the dark. but even then, you can't seem to bring yourself to hate him.

a tear pricks your eye and you attempt to wipe it away, voice hoarse when you speak again, "that's what you always wanted to do, right?"

san just nods, unable to see him clearly through the tears multiplying and his gaze that has turned away.

"hey," you say, a soft call that san responds to, his fox eyes staring back that you're gonna miss. "i hope it goes well." you smile, a mixture of bitter and sweet.

"i know it will," you say once more, swallowing the knot dying in your throat and searching san for any reactions.

maybe you don't know who he was before or who he's gonna be after, but you know him right now. the boy you met a year ago and made you feel so many things; butterflies down to heartbreak--who, you're still so madly in love with, you don't even have it in you to wish him anything but well.

why would you wanna keep him in the small palms of your hands when there's a world out there much bigger waiting for him. a world that could make him so much happier and content.

you would never be upset about that.

when it looks like san isn't gonna say anything, his mind continuously in thought but lips unable replicate, you're the one to break the tension yet again, figuring he just needs time.

even if he's had time... to prepare all of this and for what he was gonna say, yet he's drawing nothing but blanks in the actual presence of you.

"i should uh, i should probably go," you announce when the silence sits for too long. "graduation is tomorrow and grace wants to wake up early in preparation."

he nods just as he's done cowardly before.

"i'll see you there?" your voice squeaks slightly for the first time tonight; some kind of hope and excitement in them.

you don't know whether he nods or hum, or if he even answers. just a vagueness to his expression that you take for a yes, because why wouldn't he be.

but if you knew at the time, that when you go to search for the familiar head of black in the crowd during the ceremony and you wouldn't find him, you would have said more

if you knew that even during the celebration after; a restaurant across the streets your friends wanted to go to, that he still isn't gonna come, you would've stayed longer last night.

tell him everything and wish him all the good in the world... if you knew that was the last time you would see him.

act like you're not constantly checking the door of the restaurant in hope he'd show up even for one last time so you won't feel so dejected and have all of yeosang, grace, and wooyoung look at you with pity.

say you're just tired and continue acting like your heart didn't do a flip at the drop of his name when yunho asks about his whereabouts and wooyoung tells the group he's busy packing for tomorrow morning.

none of them seem to be aware he was leaving, besides wooyoung and your friends (for obvious reasons).

hold back your tears and attempt to not crack when you finally get wooyoung to yourself, telling him if he could give something to san.

something you've been planning to for a while but wanted to wait till it was finished, and when it was, you kind of forgot about it. until suddenly.

assure wooyoung it's okay when he tells you he's told san on plenty of occasions he needed to let you know.

and finally, when you get back to the dorms, you allow yourself to cry in grace's arms but also assuring her you're gonna be okay and she doesn't need to stay up with you

when it's past midnight, hugging your knees on edge of your bed in the dark watching as the trees sways outside the window, you wonder if this was how your uncle and mother felt.

why your uncle decided to move halfway across the country and leave everything he knew behind just for love, and why your mother still married your father despite everything against them.

a part of you finally starting to understand all the sacrifices and compromises yeosang and grace makes.

love is so strange.

you give into the events of today and curl up in bed, pulling the blanket over and closing your eyes.

before the blooming of flowers and trees, and the soft, gentle breeze of spring could even pass, san leaves you.

a month later

"don't be so nervous. you look great."

grace turns you by the shoulders to the mirror and you can hardly recognize yourself. the short black satin dress hugging your body and skin adorned in jewelries that doesn't even belong to you, nor are the heels on your feet.

you really didn't even think you'd be going, let alone have your work accepted for the exhibition among hundreds of other submissions.

have your work out in the open and on display for people other than your friends to see and judge. it's nerve-racking, but grace think you should at least dress for the occasion.

"yeosang said he'll be here in 15," she tells you.

you're nervous just sitting around, and even more so on the way to the gallery, the awful music yeosang has blasting not helping a bit.

"cookie points to whoever finds y/n's art first," grace says from the front, her lips turning upward as she challenges her boyfriend.

"that's easy. we can probably see the watercolor and blue from a mile away," he teases, prompting grace to smack him lightly by the arm; his comment making a scoff leave your mouth.

they don't know what you submitted. you didn't want them to, saying you wanted to really surprise them and get an honest opinion as it was the piece you probably took the longest on and put the most thoughts to.

the arrival doesn't make you feel any better, more cars than you predicted lined up at the front and in the parking lot, you have to take a deep breath.

"hey," yeosang says, his head peeking over the car seat with a small smile, "tonight's gonna be great. you go in there and get familiar with everyone and we'll meet you soon?"

you nod, unbuckling your seatbelt and undoing the wrinkles on your dress, ready to head out.

"good luck!" grace squeals just before you're out the car, waving to your friends as they grow further away to find parking.

you've been here a couple times before but never for your own work, of course. making way inside and glad that the first face you see is one of your professors from a class you had, his smile welcoming and you keep yourself close until it's time for the showcase, your natural tendency to stick close to people you know.

you finally spot your friends halfway into it, the two shamelessly standing in front of your work and shooting you looks they know is gonna make you flush in embarrassment.

the night goes on and that feeling of nervousness and anxiety easing the more other students also talk to you and compliments your work with you doing the same in return because everyone here is truly talented.

each and every artwork telling a different story and probably held closely by the artists themselves.

"see! that wasn't so bad," grace says, having ran to you the second you're free from the circle of students and professors, pushing you playfully by the shoulder and getting a giggle in response.

"i guess so."

"by the way, love the art!" she squeaks, so much happier and excited than you.

"and it definitely wasn't because your name was written on top that we knew, but your style is just too distinct," yeosang adds, "only thing different this time is it's pink."

you smile, the process of having to come up with something you'll be okay with everyone else seeing all coming back. how, it took a while, but once you knew, you wanted it to be as perfect as possible.

the pink cherry blossom tree next to a body of lake and the field next to it decorated in countless dandelions, all painted in the style you're best at--the watercolor really bringing life to the picture.

it's not often you can say you're proud of your own creations, but you can say you really like this one.

"well thanks, guys," you tell them, a laugh bubbling out at the end. "really appreciate you two coming out tonight."

"well, duh." grace rolls her eyes dramatically, her lips turning to a smile after. "we know this means a lot to you."

"for sure," yeosang says, checking the surrounding briefly before continuing, "you should probably finish up things here with everyone else first. me and grace are gonna head out to a shop nearby and we'll come pick you up when you're ready?"

"yeah. i probably should." because seeing the rest of the students and professors stuck in conversations, it doesn't seem right to just up and leave. you need a proper farewell at least. "i'll let you guys know."

you spend the next couple of minutes out of courtesy attempting to talk to anyone you could until the place mostly start clearing of visitors.

saying one last farewell to the professor you're most familiar with, you turn a corner to head out with the plan to call yeosang when you're stopped in your track by a figure suddenly emerging from the walls and now in your way.

when you meet his gaze and take in the fact he's dressed for the occasion, the suit he's wearing clad onto his body too perfectly (though when does he not look good in anything), you almost want to be angry it looks like he planned to come here tonight.

"san..." his name falls off your lips. a name you haven't said since a month ago and didn't plan to any time sooner.

"hey," he greets, awkwardly and quietly, his hands shoved into the pockets of his suit pants that shows off his legs you didn't even realize were so long.

but you're mostly just thinking and wondering why he's here. he isn't supposed to be here. he left a month ago to go chase his dreams, so why is he all of sudden standing in front of you in such a small gallery.

"w-what are you doing here?" you ask, no anger or pain in your voice though he thinks there should be; only curiosity the way you always sound.

"i promise i'd come, remember?"

“when is it again?” he ask.

“june the 18th,” you say, placing your sketchbook and pen down. “you’ll be there, right?”

he nods at first, a simple smile settling on him. “of course,” he answers, “i’ll be there. i promise.”

he did. but he also left.

you feel you might be going crazy, like this is all a dream and he's only a figment of your imagination because he wouldn't come back just for this. not for you.

"san," you say, a knot on the horizon, "you left. you left a month ago." like you have to remind him of the fact as if speaking to a ghost.

"i know i did..." he hangs his head in shame and you can only stare, the situation so unreal, you wanna try slapping yourself to see if you'll actually wake up. "and i want to apologize for doing so."

such words bringing upon a web of emotions, both you and san still standing smack in the middle of the public gallery and you're trying to keep your composure.

heck, you're still trying to process the fact he's really here.

"can we talk about this outside?" you say, voice soft and timid, alluding to the current scene that san takes a hint to. the walk out the most quiet and awkward as you both try finding some form of seating, settling on a bench not too far from from the entrance.

a couple seconds that feels like an entire minute passes before you start again, san's heartbeat loud and hammering from beside you.

"you don't have to apologize. you went after your heart, why would i be mad about that?" you mumble, but the volume still loud in the quiet night, the air of spring about to be summer soon.

san exhales in preparation, his chest rising and falling to what he knew you were already gonna say because that's just how you are. all of what makes you so likeable and easy to fall for. though right now, he doesn't need forgiveness or even an ounce of your kindness.

he doesn't deserve any of it.

"because i lied to you," he breaks it, straight and clear, and the reminder throwing you back to the month before that you wanted to forget so bad.

you don't wanna cry and you didn't plan to cry tonight but the tears you're currently trying to blink away says otherwise.

"you didn't lie... you just kept things from me," you try justifying, part of it to console your own self. because you'd like to think that though san omitted details, he never said anything that wasn't true.

"and that makes it any better?"

there's a quick, uncomfortable silence before you speak, eyes down on your lap. "i'd like to think so."

it would be a lie if you say you don't think back to that night often. the conversation and then the awful realization in the car that gave you one of the most most awful case of a heartbreak. nothing in comparison to your mother's death, but a different kind for a different lesson.

how, you've tried so hard to not linger because the longer you did, the more sick it made you, creating doubts in your head that you were certain could never be answered because san left.

but you do think about it. if san simply struck up a friendship with you and did everything he did knowing you were exactly the kind he could never develop romantic feelings for.

that the reason he never seemed to really want any of that, or even gave into advances from other girls was only because he was leaving. but if he wasn't, would he have given any of them a chance? would he have given ashley a chance?

but you don't really wanna ask him any of that.

"so, are you visiting, or? what really brings you here?" because you don't believe that he came back just for this. just for you.

he told you leaving was what he always wanted to do, and now he's suddenly back here, and you can't think of any good enough reasons to do so only after a month of being gone.

he takes a deep breath and for the first time after sitting down, you turn and look at him, even if he's avoiding your gaze to look ahead into nothingness.

"you know, i probably moved more in the span of 4 years than you have in your lifetime," he speaks, face in eternal concentration, you just wanna listen. "i don't know. it's complicated i guess... but it was difficult to really feel like i belonged anywhere." he shrugs, the same time the bittersweet smile at the corner of his lips is visible.

"wasn't ever that close to my family members and i try to not stick with the same people for too long. ashley and especially wooyoung were just more persistent than your average person." he pauses, then continues almost hesistantly, "because i knew if i did, i'd end up hurting them."

and how funny and hypocritical of him because you're the person he ended up hurting the most. the one he completely shut out and gave no closure to, because he didn't think he'd grow so attached to you in the matter of just a year.

"but that's just how it works, right? there are things you have to sacrifice in order to find happiness," you say, at this point still trying to excuse his actions although you still remember feeling hurt and betrayed not that long ago.

"but i wasn't happy over there." he squeezes his eyes shut and his lips curl together in frustration, as if trying to get through you because you're failing to understand the point. "i came back because i was the happiest while i was here. i came back for you."

he knows it's selfish. how beyond hurt you must've felt when he left, and now all of a sudden showing up asking for a chance, the turmoil of mixed emotions you're probably going through at the confession.

just a month ago, he literally ghosted you. and just a few months before that, he made you think he was gonna kiss you... when it was not kissing you that he had a hard time with.

he wanted it be as quick and painless as possible, and kissing you was only gonna do the complete opposite. if he kissed you, he would've wanted to stay. but given how everything turned out, he should've just not pushed the friendship at all.

should've never texted you, never invited you out, and he especially should've never talked to you to start with. but again, he's a bit selfish by nature and couldn't help but to be intrigued by you when he shouldn't have.

but he especially shouldn't have opened the door to wooyoung that night of the graduation, still able to recall the exact outfit he was wearing as the boy glared at him with a certain look of disapproval before he could even say a word.

"y/n asked me to give you this," wooyoung says, sounding tired from the day or maybe he's still just mad at san and doesn't really wanna talk.

san sighs and hesistantly takes the pink envelope, wooyoung's gaze burning into his before the boy says his final farewell.

"you know, you're really an asshole."

and it was almost like wooyoung showed up at 1 in the morning after a long day just to give it to san out of spite in hope he'll feel guilty, and it worked.

because the content in it played a big part in san ultimately deciding to come back, the sketch of him that day in the cafe with his grey hoodie watching the petal shower along with a short note attached to it haunting him day and night.

Because of you, I had one of the best years of my life. I hope things are better in Seoul, and thank you truly for being the greatest inspiration - y/n

so he came back for you, and he means it... though you don't look like you believe it the slightest and he doesn't blame you. he's done nothing but fed you doubts.

he hears a hard swallow from you that he finally turns to, your eyes glossy and lashes fluttering to hide it.

"san, you shouldn't be saying things like that. you know how i feel about you," you say, sniffing due to a clogged nose because you're not doing very good at not crying.

san's scooted next to you, his leg brushing yours and hands on your jaw as you look up at him, never this close or intimate before, butterflies in your stomach that you wish wasn't there.

"it's true. i mean every word of it. i've liked you for so long, you have no idea."

he's not sure when he started liking you, his guess is probably during the summer trip. but he remembers looking forward to your texts and thinking how pretty you are and how he wanted to get closer to you, even if he shouldn't have.

"then why did you leave?" you ask, your eyes vulnerable and lips pouting that he wanna kiss and soothe.

you understand him chasing his dreams, but if he liked you; if he came back afterall, why did he leave in the first place?

"because i'm not used to staying in one place for too long." his thumbs drawing circles and tending to your cheeks. "i want to travel. i want to see the rest of the world... find a purpose in life and see what else is out there waiting for me."

you open your mouth to say something but it's like he already knew, cutting you off before you could even start doubting again, "i don't see it as having to make sacrifices in order to find happiness, more so just putting it off for the time being. the rest of the world can wait because right now, i want to be happy with you."

he can still be happy with you and achieve his other dreams when the time is right. he don't wanna have to choose one or the other when he can make both work with efforts.

"so you don't have to think about it now, but when you do, i just want you to know i like you. really really like you, and i'd love to give it a shot if you're willing. only when you're ready, of course."

and yes, the man quite literally ghosted you and broke your heart in such a short amount of notice, you could barely process it at the time. but you also can't deny the way he makes you feel.

how, whenever he's near, your stomach still feels funny and your heart wanna do flips. and with him this close, you definitely still wanna kiss him.

it's not possible to get over such a man in just a month, but you were healing slowly and ready to accept the fact you won't ever see him again. and then he comes back and is inches away from your face, telling you everything you've ever wanted to hear.

the sudden sound of your phone going off at a notification makes the both of you jump as san pulls away and clears his throat.

you quickly search your purse for your phone and see a text from yeosang on the screen.

yeosang: u ready?

"it's yeosang,'' you tell san, locking eyes with him briefly and awkwardly. "he wants to know if i'm ready to be picked up."

san nods, the air going quiet until an idea comes over. "i can take you." and when you don't answer, he tries testing if he can lighten the atmosphere even if just a bit. "i am renting the car so just don't make a mess."

but when the silence drags on and san can't read your expression, he thinks you don't want anything to do with him at this point, and rightfully so.

"yes," you say, the response picking san's head up to see a small smile you're trying to fight, "yes we can give it a try, and yes, you can give me a ride."

there's something shy but also daring in your tone, san sees the blush raising to your cheeks that brings out the widest smile from him, jumping in your arms to give you the biggest hug.

when he finally pulls away, the look of surprise on your face has him apologizing but you only shake your head with a smile.

"thank you," he whispers, "for giving me the chance. i promise i'll make it up to you."

you nod to his words, the smile still on your lips but unable to say anything due to the overwhelming (good) feelings.

then he goes to scratch the back of his head, a look of awkward and hesitant crossing him before finally saying it, "can i uh, can i kiss you?"

"yes," you actually answer, a giggle that cannot be contained leaving shortly.

and when he does kiss you, his lips just as soft and gentle as you imagined, the kiss even better than you had in your head, you're glad that your friend's instinct was right.

that san does indeed like you and everything he did wasn't just out of kindness and respect.

when you're both pulling away and indulging in a fit of laughter after and shaking your heads at the turn of events, you know he kissed you because it's something he wanted. because he thinks you might be the one.

when the blooming of flowers and trees are fading, along with the soft, gentle breeze of spring that finally passes, you're still in love with san and you're sure he feels the same way.

[veltana]

Sell my soul - 1

✦ Pairing: Lloyd Hansen/Fem!Reader

✦ Word count: ~1k

✦ Rating for this part: Mature

✦ Warnings/tags: Alpha!Lloyd, Omega!Reader, omega auction, slow burn, eventual smut, pet names (sugar plum).

✦ Summary: Lloyd buys you

✦ Note: Due note that this is a drabble series and the parts will be short, but I hope you like it any way! I started writing this because Lloyd was trying to hijack my brain and take over the Buy my heart series, so he got his own instead, and I'm gonna make him suffer 😈 Reblogs, comments and asks are much appreciated!

Series masterlist

Masterlist | AO3

“This is bullshit,” you mutter as you pull on the sheer dress. It's basically see-through. Why can't you wear regular clothes? Isn't it embarrassing enough that you have to sell yourself, you have to be as close to naked as possible also?

But you do it anyway and don't say anything more. This is really your very last resort. Everything else you've tried so far has been a failure.

Panic starts to rise in your chest. What if he's out there? What if he buys you?

Then you realize that everyone sitting out there is an alpha and he wouldn't be allowed in. It calms your nerves a bit but you still glance around now and then as you wait for your turn. He's found you before. You're not safe anywhere.

“This is bullshit,” Lloyd growls as he adjusts the mask covering his face. He recognizes the scents of at least three alphas, despite being unable to see their faces. The masks aren't hiding shit. He knows they're more for the omegas on stage than for the alphas but so far the entire event has been a disappointment, and he regrets attending.

Instead, he studies the high ceiling and artwork on the walls, only glancing at the omegas appearing, one after another getting bought.

Just as he's about to up and leave the omega on stage catches his attention. Eyes that keep flickering and a stubborn mouth, but otherwise delectable! He raises his paddle before he even knows it. A few people bid too, but Lloyd is determined. His paddle is the last to go up.

The omega's mouth is a thin line. A smile cracks Lloyd's face below the mask as he rises and makes his way out to pick up his newly acquired omega.

“Be nice, be nice, be nice. Be nice to the alpha who bought you. You need his protection.” You remind yourself as you stand outside in your clothes after being shown out by the attendant. There isn't an alpha around and your eyes keep searching. You don't like to be out in the open like this but if you huddle against the wall he's probably going to think you're weird. Or you'd have to explain.

With a roar, a flashy sports car pulls up. The owner steps out and looks at you. He’s tall with neat hair slicked back, a mustache above his smile, eyes sparkling with glee. You look away, he obviously thinks you're a prostitute. It would be great if your fucking alpha could show up.

“Hey, get in!” The man calls. You glance at him before saying, “I'm waiting for someone.” “Yeah, me! Omega, get over here right now or I'll command you.”

You stare at him. He waves a piece of paper. “You're the alpha who bought me?” “Damn straight, sugar plum!” Sugar plum?! Your name is on the paper!

“Actually,” you begin but he interrupts you. “We can talk in the car, come on now!” Displeased, you walk over.

The inside looks barely used but it’s filled with his scent. It’s a delicious perfume that smells like the woods after it's rained, an earthy clean smell with an undertone of burnt sugar that makes you think of creme brulee. Saliva pools in your mouth and you ignore it.

Your new alpha, who still hasn't introduced himself, steps on the gas and the car shoots down the road. “Where are we going?” “To my place, it’s not far!” At the speed he's driving, you're downtown within minutes, too focused on holding on to ask any other questions. He doesn't offer any more answers, either. Soon, you lose track of where you are, finding yourself in an unfamiliar neighborhood. Elegant houses and high-rise buildings blend together unnaturally. He parks in an underground garage, and the elevator ascends to the tenth floor. Everything looks new and untouched almost. You've never been in such a place before.

Inside the door, you stop and stare. The apartment you used to live in was a perfectly adequate size, but this is ridiculous. On top of that everything is spotless and sleek. Sure, his scent is present in the apartment, but otherwise it looks like no one lives in it, very similar to the car. Your new alpha seems to be very neat.

You look down at yourself. It's been a while since you had the opportunity to wash your clothes properly. The bag in your hand with your few belongings has seen better days. The alpha struts into the apartment, not noticing you've stopped. You don't have socks on so you don't want to take off your shoes.

Frozen in place you can't decide what to do. Everything is just too much. But you're still at the front door, if you turn around you can run and go back to what you know. It would be easier in a way. He doesn't know you. He has a name but it won't get him anywhere.

Steps coming towards you snap you out of it and you meet the eyes of the alpha. They are calm and blue. The urge to run settles and you notice he has a bundle of clothes in his arms.

“You'll have to borrow some of my stuff until we've washed yours and gotten you more clothes. Bathroom is this way,” he jerks his head and turns around. This time you follow.

The bathroom has everything one could wish for and you look longingly at the tub. How long ago was it that you had a real bath? The alpha puts the bundle down on top of a basket and then shows you where to find towels and what all the different dials in the shower do. You nod, trying to keep up.

Then he turns and heads out but before he shuts the door you blurt out, “Wait! What's your name?”

He turns around and grins at you in a way that is both creepy and at the same time not unpleasant. “It's Lloyd Hansen, sugar plum.”

next

[love-hs28]

You're gonna do just fine, I promise.

Summary: Chemistry class had never been your strong-suit, and an upcoming test leads you to break down while trying to study an impossible unit.  gn!reader cw: reader has panic attack 1.1k words comfort & fluff Posted on: 6-20-24

You and Eddie were hanging out in your room one autumn evening, both trying your hardest to study for an upcoming chemistry test. Your record player spun softly in the background and the only lights illuminating your room were the lamps on your desk and nightstand, and the string lights that hung on your walls.

You didn’t struggle in school by any means, but you still had to actually put in effort to keep your grades up. You probably pushed yourself a bit too hard sometimes, because there was no reason to not be satisfied with A’s and B’s as your average scores. But, for some reason only known by God or whatever higher power there might be, this current chemistry unit was giving you absolute. hell. Eddie, for once, seemed to be getting the hang of things pretty quickly and had finished his study sheet before you had the chance to get halfway done. Chemistry had always come easy for him, most likely because he actually found it interesting and easy to pay attention to. And, despite what many people might think, Eddie was really very smart when he wanted to be. 

After offering to help you and you refusing the help due to the determination to figure it out on your own, Eddie retreated to your bed to continue reading his well-loved copy of Lord of the Rings while you stayed hunched over on your desk. 

Too many minutes go by of you trying to solve a specific word problem, and you’re afraid if it isn't solved in the next attempt you’re going to drop out of school completely. You let out a sigh and rub your hands over your face. Eddie, lying on his stomach with his elbows propping himself up, looks up from his book. 

“Sweetheart, that’s the third time you’ve sighed in the last minute. Maybe it's time for a break.” 

You sigh and frustratedly shuffle through your papers and textbook. 

“These fucking problems are killing me, Eddie. It’s like I understand what’s going on and how to solve it but forget what I’ve read a minute later. I just- I can’t fail this test, Ed. I can’t.” 

Eddie moves to sit up against your headboard. “Y/n, you’re literally the smartest person I know. I promise you, you are not going to fail the test. And hey, even if you did, I’m sure your gpa will still be, what? 3.999…” 

You let out another frustrated sigh and let your head fall into your hands, appreciative that he's trying to make you laugh and lighten the mood, but unable to shake the dreadful feeling.

“I’m serious, Eddie! It’s fucking stressing me out and I just- there’s no way I’m going to learn or retain all of this by Friday.”

You can feel your heartbeat start to quicken and breathing is becoming a bit more difficult as your chest begins to tighten. You rub a hand across your chest, being a bit rough, trying to coax out that icky feeling.

“Hey, don’t freak out, y/nn. You’re gonna do great. I can try my best to help you and we’ll figure it out together okay? I promise, don’t stress about it, it’s gonna be fine.” 

You rest your head in your hands on the desk and try to calm yourself down. You can feel tears forming in your eyes, slowly beginning to fall down your face. You try and take a few deep breaths but it doesn't seem to help much.

“It’s more than that, though. It’s just, everything is so stressful right now and I can’t- I don’t know what to do.” You sob into your hands, the stress of the past couple weeks feeling overpowering and impossible to hold in anymore. 

“Sweetheart,” Eddie sets his book face down on your bed and gets up to walk over to you. He gently removes your hands from your face, turning the chair away from the desk and kneeling so he’s level with you. You’re really struggling to breathe now, shaking your head as he tries to hold your hands.

“Baby, shhh. It’s okay. I’m right here, look at me. It’s okay.” He softly guides your face to look at him. Your ears are ringing and your eyes won’t focus so you tightly squeeze them shut. You shake your head, moving out of Eddie’s hold, folding over and covering your face again. 

“I can’t- Eddie- I can’t. Fuck, I can’t breathe.” Air is coming in and out of your lungs now only in short gasps and whimpers, making your words sound like they hurt to get out, and they kind of do. Your whole body shakes as you repeatedly shake your head, trying to get rid of the foggy and panicky feelings. 

“Sweetheart, calm down. You’re gonna pass out if you don’t slow your breathing angel, look at me. Follow my breaths.”

Eddie gently takes one of your hands and puts it over his chest, taking deep, exaggerated breaths for you to follow. His other hand rests on the side of your face, trying to get your eyes to focus on him. It works, and after a moment of following his breathing patterns you can feel your heart and gasps start to calm down. You don’t know how many minutes pass, but your eyes never leave his as you continue to breathe together. 

Once your breathing is manageable and you can finally take in and let out a deep breath, your face crumples and you break down, all of the suppressed emotions of the past week coming out now that you don’t have to worry about whether or not you’re going to make yourself pass out. You sob, hiccups and everything. 

“Oh, angel,” Eddie gently guides you off of the chair and into his lap on the floor, you leaning all of your weight into him and holding him as close as possible. Your grip stays on his shirt, soaking it with tears. He rubs your back and strokes your hair, whispering non-stop comforting words into your neck. 

“I know, I know. It’s okay, love. I got you. I got you. You’re okay. It’s gonna be okay.” 

It takes you a few minutes to calm down one final time, and Eddie gently pulls back and puts his hands on your face so you can look at him. Wiping the remaining tears away with his thumbs, he kisses you on your forehead. You rub your eyes, suddenly feeling very tired from exerting the entirety of the energy you had left. 

"I promise you," Eddie's voice is a soft whisper as he runs a hand through your hair. "Everything is going to be okay. We're gonna figure out how to make it all work, yeah? Like we always do. Promise." He kisses your forehead again, and you lean into him, taking another deep breath.

“Let’s take a break from studying, yeah? We can watch a movie or something. Get your mind off of everything. Or just lay together, whatever you want.” You look up and his thumbs rub loving strokes on your cheeks, eyes looking at you in an attempt to show you just how much he cares and wants to help you feel better. 

You lean into his touch and glance over to your bed where his book lies open. “Can you read to me?” 

Eddie beams and gives you a sweet kiss. “I thought you’d never ask. I would love to.” 

He picks you up, making you giggle as he takes you to the bed, and you lie down so he’s against the headboard and you’re lying on his chest between his legs, the book in front of both of you. He reads to you while you fidget with his hands and rings and he plays with your hair. You eventually fall asleep as he’s reading, finally able to relax, his sleep following shortly after. 

a/n: hope you enjoyed!! my first Eddie fic! hopefully more to come soon 🤞haven't posted in a while and I would looooveeee any recommendations! this isn't proofread so pls ignore any mistakes 🙏 love ya'll and couldn't be more grateful for the love the last few fics have gotten. as always, pls leave requests/asks/whateva. love ya! <3

[hello-there]

Communities are a new way to connect with the people on Tumblr who care about the things you care about! Browse Communities to find the perfect one for your interests or create a new one and invite your friends and mutuals!

[dawnoftime22]

a constant sickness.

| N.R

Warnings: mental breakdown at the end, overthinking, being sensitive while horribly sick, mention of throwing up, headaches, r loves orcas(?)

Summary: While Nat was away at a SHIELD meeting, you had gotten sick once again. Having been sick for the millionth time in the past few months, you were tired.

Word Count: 6.4k

Category: Fluff, maybe a little hurt/comfort later on

A/N: I guess you could say this is a vent fic? I've been sick a lot, and it isn't fun, so I ended up making this. please drink water everyone and take care of yourself. love you all <3

| Started on 07/11/2023, 6:11 PM |

| Finished on 19/11/2023 8:07 AM |

Masterlist | N.R Masterlist

“darling, you have been so strong. so please,

lay down and let yourself rest for a while.”

|——————————— ⴵ ———————————|

The morning birds sang a beautiful song, and the gray sky filled up the room with light. It came along with the rain, the glass windows fogged up from the cold.

The place beside you was empty as you were curled up asleep, all cozy, but missing the touch of a certain redhead.

Soon enough, your eyes slowly open, blinking away your sleep for a few minutes. But you instantly notice the horrid, miserable feeling of a sore throat.

Of course. You had gotten sick again. And the exact day Nat has a meeting. Why couldn't you get sick yesterday? You thought. Or tomorrow, in fact, she's free almost all day for this week.

You shake your head to get your mind to stop before it goes crazy. It's far too early in the morning for this. You stretch, wanting to get your tense muscles loose once again, but doing so just made you feel more tired.

Having woken up alone, you sigh. If you hadn't felt so horrible, then your morning would've been great. But, well, there's nothing much you could do.

Your hands gently grab the soft orca plushie Nat had bought for you just sitting at the end of the bed. Seeing as she wasn't present at the moment, you hug it.

It was quite precious to you, really. Nat didn't know what to get you one anniversary day, and she had thought about how once, when an animal documentary was randomly on the tv, it had videos of orcas just swimming, and jumping. She was in the kitchen while you sat in the living room, laid down sideways as you watched with shining eyes on the screen, like a child.

The adorable sounds that sure, yes, was a terrifying sound for the other animals in the ocean, as they were killer whales, still made you love them nonetheless. Nat smiled at you when she set down the meal she just finished cooking on the table, and called you to eat.

The memory serves as a comfort of sort. You always loved how deep Nat thought about her gifts, and you're always grateful. It wasn't much, but to you, it was everything. Truly, you could never think of having a better girlfriend than her.

Not long after you continued staying comfortably in bed, cuddling up with the orca plushie, your nose began to clog up, making you unable to breathe properly.

The uncomfortable feeling had forced you to get up, and once you were, everything was back to normal. Almost. It's always so annoying having a stuffy nose. You begrudgingly and slowly get out of bed, careful to not make yourself dizzy by going too fast. The target of the tissue box was in your sights, and you somehow make it even with your low energy.

The tissue easily slides out of the box when you grab it, and you blow into it, clearing your nose a bit. After pulling away, you groan a little in disgust and the realization that you'll have to do this again after another few minutes.

You throw out the used tissue into a nearby trash can, and just when you thought of sitting in bed or slumping into the desk chair just to stare out the window to watch cars go by, your stomach feels too empty.

Welp. Your mouth forms a tired pout, but before your stomach could even make any noise at you for not moving to get some food, you grab a nearby jacket and put it on. The warmth it provided surrounded you with a feeling of comfort and safety. As it should, considering the jacket was on Nat's side of the bed. Honestly, you can't tell which one is Nat's or yours anymore with how much the two of you share with each other by now.

You start to make your way out of the bedroom, and into the living room, the curtains already being open since Nat had left when the sun came up, while you were still sleeping.

The house lacked her presence. With you taking a glance at the kitchen, you had hoped to see her red hair basking in the morning sunlight, yet nothing but the kitchen counters and cabinets looked back at you.

You blink away the tiredness and dizziness that started to cloud your vision, and you went over to the kitchen, arriving suddenly somehow. The first thing you grabbed was a cup of water, drinking it and wincing at it going down your aching throat. The feeling soon dissolves into an itch that made you cough once or twice. Well, at least you were more awake now.

Considering a lot of options were out of the view because of your throat, you settled for bread, seeing as it was the softest thing you could find at the moment. You almost shakingly set down the plate on the table, because of how weak your body started to be from the fever, but you grab your choice of spread to put on with a butter knife anyway. Even if being sick meant you were tired, you still needed something to eat, otherwise you'd just get sicker. It wasn't much of a choice, really.

Once you had your meal ready, you sat down at the dining table, taking a bite of your sandwich. Here goes the awful long, long chewing as you tried your best not to have your stomach throw up whatever thats left within it.

You grab your phone as you ate, turning it on and opening your messages app. You click on Nat's contact, your fingers drifting off to type in some words that your head can barely even make out to be a sentence from the little dizziness.

<- Nat <3 [◉¯]

hey Nat, I got sick again. do you think

you can come home quicker? :(

I miss you

Sent at 9:37 AM

hi, darling <3 you're sick again?

I'm sorry detka, the earliest I can

get back is at 4

I'll see if I can sneak off earlier, but

try to get comfortable and watch some

tv my love. have you eaten?

I'll get you some things before I get home too. message me if anything happens, okay? I miss you too, and I love you

Read at 9:38 AM

it's okay, you don't have to

rush if you can't

I'm eating some bread right now

so yeah, don't worry

I love you too <3 get home safe.

Read at 9:38 AM

She didn't have to rush. Right? No, of course not. Maybe a little. You just didn't want to worry her. If we're being completely honest, it's not really okay considering how sick you were and how you were all alone in the house.

Your face had a sad smile. Having checked the time, it's going to feel like forever until she was home. You're just going to have to distract yourself in the meanwhile, and hope this one doesn't make you feel like going through hell.

You turn off your phone and set it down on the table, finishing up the last of your piece of bread. Since there's not much else you could do in the kitchen anymore, you leave the plate and cup in the sink.

The fever wasn't horrible at the moment, but you could already expect what'll happen later in the day. You thought of the little work you still haven't finished yet though.

Throwing up your hands in exasperation to, no one in particular, you walk back to the bedroom, seeing the desk you usually sit at near the window. At least the skies weren't bright. And maybe the rain will even come back, if you're lucky enough.

There were papers already ready on it for you to check and go over, having been taken by you when you were at work before.

You sat down on yet another chair, and the window casts a light upon everything on the desk, also giving the old wood a glow.

At least you can swivel and spin around in your desk chair. You grab a pen laying around, but you didn't start until you played a playlist of slow peaceful songs from your phone.

Everything was going fine as time passed by, but you're starting to feel worse. The day might have gone to lunch or brunch time by now, but you weren't done yet. Probably due to the many times you've spaced out, or somehow more papers just kept spawning in out of nowhere. It always feels never ending until you actually finish it all.

To make matters worse, you even feel an incoming headache upon you. You're definitely not finishing up those remaining papers today, that's for sure.

You end up giving up and leaving them on the desk, walking back out to the living room and into the kitchen to take some pills, hopefully letting the headache pass.

Afterwards, your legs lead you away to grab the orca plushie, just to go back out and plop down on the couch, grabbing the tv remote to put on the first thing you thought of that would distract you from the awful sickness.

It's starting to hit you now. The jacket you wore started to feel a little too warm, causing you to take it off one arm and the other, letting it fall down on the couch.

You could feel the mucus in your nose go down to your throat without being able to stop it. Knowing it did that and even feeling it irked you. You start coughing, the sound obvious with sickness.

Thankfully it was a short cough, and your eyes continue to focus on the screen once more, the scenes playing relaxing you. Your tense muscles loosened a little at the coziness of the living room, even if your nose was being annoying, and your throat makes you cough. You wished Nat was here. So, so badly. But it was still only 12 PM. Even if you're functional, it doesn't mean you don't feel awful.

The noises coming from the tv was quiet. Enough so that you're able to feel dozy. And not in the headache, dizzy way this time fortunately. Your eyes go from being light, to feeling heavy. Your focus also started to include your breathing without meaning to.

Soon, you gave in, surrendering to the darkness that that lured you into sleep.

|—————————— ⴵ ——————————|

Nat arrives home with a bag full of items she had gotten for you. She takes off her shoes and puts the plastic bag on the kitchen island, careful not to make anything fall the wrong way. After she was done with that, she turns to the living room, hearing noises that she would only presume would be the tv, just faintly. She takes off her jacket as she goes, placing it on the couch when she was close enough.

That was when she saw you, all curled up on the couch with the plushie she got you. The sight made her adore you, but also make her feel sad. She would only ever see you like this when you were super sick and tired, or waiting on her to come home.

It's only happened a few times, but a few was enough to make her understand how your fevers feel. A lot of people would just go with their day and deal with it, but you weren't the type of person to be able to. It's not that you wouldn't, you just couldn't. It always had a high chance of taking you the worst.

What made things more concerning is that you're falling sick more often, it's leading to be not normal. Others would say it's the seasons, but with your experience, it really isn't. Nat just hopes your body only hates you at the moment, and you'll get a longer break sometime soon.

Her feet takes her to stand in front of you and kneel down, her hand going up to lay gently against your forehead. The warmness you radiated makes her frown.

Your breathing started to lessen its softness, and you start waking up, possibly either from her presence, the hand on your forehead, or your throat starting to feel dry. Probably all the above.

Your eyes flutter open, and there you see the redhead you love so much right in front of you. Her green eyes looked at you so softly as you registered the scene you awoke to.

"Hi, детка (baby). You feeling okay?" She asks softly, her fingers drifting away to gently pull your hair away from your face. Even when she spoke Russian, her voice was caring.

That was when you were so willing to break, just seeing her looking at you so softly made all your courage to stay strong from the sickness had faltered. But you tried keeping the tears in.

You shook your head fatiguely, your eyes still tired. She knew the answer, but she hoped the sleep brought you more relief. Instead you got the worser effects. It was a chance of either being worse or your throat magically being better.

"That's okay. I got you orange juice and soup, дорогой (darling)." the drink made your face brighten up a little, but the soup almost made you scrunch up your nose in an act of disgust.

"Well, you don't wanna throw up, do you?" Nat raises an eyebrow at you. Her voice was gentle, so it wasn't scolding and it wasn't a threat. Maybe a little bit of a threat, but you needed one considering you know you'll end up feeling nauseous if you don't eat. It's a miserable feeling, even if afterwards you'll be able to get whatever sickness it is out of your system, the process for it isn't great.

You purse your lips and shake your head, the memories of having to go through the nausea being horrible. She gives you a small smile, and moves to stand up.

Nat helps you slowly stand up with her, holding you up with her arms and letting you put a little of your weight on her as you walked. She didn't trust how dizzy you looked when you stood up. You wouldn't either, because the room looked like it was dancing just a little.

She sits you down on the dining table, going off to open the plastic bag and get out the contents within it. First and foremost, she opens the orange juice bottle and pours it in a cup for you, placing it in front of you on the table.

You try and take ahold of it as calmly as possible, but Nat smiles at the small excitement she sees at you being able to drink orange juice. The juice goes down your throat easily, basically almost clearing the germs in some way.

It somehow always helps, and you were relieved it did. Nat's gotten everything out the bag by now, and she's working away on cooking up a delicious chicken soup for you.

As you watched her move in the kitchen, humming a melody to herself every now and then, you slowly drank, trying your best not to finish all the orange juice before you eat. Thankfully you had breakfast down earlier, so there wasn't much air in your stomach or anything to get the nausea to come back.

The time was 2:45 PM. Nat really did sneak away from the SHIELD work somehow. She would do anything for you after all. Or, Fury and Maria had known and dismissed her. Yes, it may just be a fever, but it's been far too many times now to count, so you'd guess they were pretty concerned too. And there was only one redhead who could truly take care of you.

Nat sets down the bowl of soup gently on your side of the table, while on her side she places down a bowl of mac and cheese. One in particular, you know Yelena would love. Your thoughts were wandering with people, but you did just get a nap after all. You may not have felt better, but your mind did clear up a bit more.

"Can I have a bit?" You ask, your voice groggy from the sore throat, but it makes out the sentence. The cheesy, but not too cheesy mac and cheese stared at you like it would melt in your mouth. It was too tempting and seemed way too delicious to not have a taste.

"Sure. Only a little," She said, aware of the fact that the cheese would probably make you cough more.

Nat looks at you amused as you took a spoonful, knowing you wouldn't be able to resist a bite. She didn't really get it to tease you or anything though, she just almost kind of misses Yelena. And she hasn't eaten any mac and cheese in a while. Plus, the blonde had always made the best mac and cheese.

She's been away doing widow work combined with some other assassin work. Nat wasn't entirely sure, but the jokes she tends to make are definitely missed by you. Though, you love Nat's company, love and the comfort she provides by herself just as much.

When you finish the spoon of mac and cheese you had just eaten earlier, you start on your soup with a smile on your face, satisfied at the taste. Nat was relieved. Sure, she wasn't as good as Yelena. No one was, to be honest, but the way your lips are turned up means you approved.

Your throat ends up letting out a cough once more after you swallowed, making you clear your throat to try and get rid of it. When it didn't work, you drank your orange juice. And of course, like magic there was no more bacteria spluttering. Or well, you hope so in the minutes that go by.

"You know, Yelena got a dog." Natasha says, wanting something to distract you a little from your sickness. And she's been wanting to talk to you about it ever since she got a call from Yelena at work. You look up at her with surprise and excitement.

"What? Really? Can I meet it??" Your questions spilled out one after another, excitement filling up your entire body at the new information. She lets out a small chuckle at your happiness.

"Yeah, she's coming back in a week." She mixes around the cheese with the macaronis more, having finished a layer of the outside, she had gotten to the less cheesier parts.

"Does the dog have a name?" Yes, you were excited about the other widow coming back, but at the moment you were very much distracted on the dog part.

Nat's lips purse at the memory of Yelena telling her the name she gave it. "Fanny." She says, with no other comment. The name being taken from the time she was in hiding during the 'Civil War between Captain America and Iron Man', as people called it... Fanny Longbottom. God, did Mason really not have any other choice than that one? That was Nat's thoughts, anyway.

You, on the other hand, giggled a little, careful not to laugh too much, or you'd end up in a coughing fit. "I love it. It reminds me of you a bit."

"Don't even speak about it." Nat responds playfully. Her eyebrows furrows, while her lips turn up into a smile. She shakes her head. She should've expected Yelena would've done such a thing after telling her her undercover name.

You had to take a moment to gather yourself, almost completely laughing at the thought you just had. "At least she didn't choose 'Longbottom'."

She laughs, the sound like a melody to you. Something that can easily, oh, so easily make it so that the fever you have wasn't just complete hell. "Can you imagine?" Nat says.

"What if she did? If we ever had to take care of it while she was away, all you'd ever hear is 'Longbottom! Longbottoooom'." You act out a scene of you calling the dog, possibly while Yelena would come over or leave it to the two of you to take care of it.

"Which would be you adoring it. But yes, Fanny isn't bad." Nat raises her eyebrows on her first sentence, but agrees with you on the name choice.

"No, it would be both of us." You counter her, knowing there isn't only one animal lover in this household you're living in.

"Nope. I would be annoyed at Fanny getting all the attention." Her voice was soft at that point, somehow. Perhaps it accidentally tumbled out her mouth from her mind. Well, you were still focused on making her say she would practically spoil Fanny from how much she'll love the dog.

"Admit it. I know you adore Lucky at least, so! I'm not wrong here." The table goes quiet, the two of you finished with your food. But a thought clicks in your head at her last few words.

"Wait. Annoyed at Fanny getting all the attention? Do you mean you want my attention all on you instead?" It's quite obvious she would, considering you were the one she loves, and you love her, but you just like teasing her.

"...No. I just said I would be annoyed." She brushes it off, taking a sip of her own drink. Her face being completely and utterly normal. But you could clearly see the hint of lying from the way she sipped her drink while talking.

"Yes you did, and you had the attention part! Don't lie, Nat. I'm sick, but I can still have a great memory." You say, proud for having caught her. But the memory part is...partly true. She finished drinking and has the most adorable smile on her face.

"Okay, okay. You're obviously out of it. And now, we will go sleep." Nat gets up from her chair, shooting you a glance of 'we will never speak about it again or you are not getting cuddles' before picking up her empty bowl along with yours to go put them in the sink.

"Excuses, excuses!" You accuse her, a playful tone in your voice. But, you follow along with her, holding both yours and her empty cup.

You were about to help her do the dishes, but she protests to you about it. Even if you did puppy eyes or whatever, she would much rather have you getting some rest.

"Go lie in bed while I finish up here, yeah, любовь? (love)" She softly said. Her hands are on your waist, ready to stop you from turning back to face the sink.

"Okay." You quietly say, nodding your head a bit. She smiles at you before letting go of her hold on you, leaving you to turn and walk off to the bedroom.

Although you did spend most of your time on the couch just earlier, the cold started to take a toll on you and catch up with all thats left of your energy. Of course it was.

You tiredly and almost practically fell on the bed, the soft mattress welcoming your body. Just when you got comfortable, Nat comes walking in the room, holding up the orca plushie you forgot and left in the living room.

You looked up with realization, and reach out with your hands. Nat almost wanted to pull it away from you just to tease you back for the dining table incident, but that adorable face of yours made her relent. And she wouldn't wanna do such a thing when you're so sick anyway.

She lets you hold the soft plush while she got on her side, shuffling closer to you until she could cuddle you. You were expecting her to keep a small distance, considering you didn't really want to get her sick either, but when she pulled you closer, you end up putting the orca plushie just above your head on the pillow and putting your arms around her instead, craving her cuddles.

Her heartbeats gently thumps against her chest, echoing to your ears since you were so close to her. In the quietness of the room, only that, and the sound of both of your soft breathing could be heard. Only if you focused closely.

There was then, a tap against the roof. Nothing scary or creepy really, just a gentle tap. Then another, and it was a little thrumming that almost matched Natasha's heartbeat. Even she was a little confused, and her eyes were set on the ceiling. You know she would keep you safe all the time. But you thought the sound was familiar.

The tapping occurs more rapidly, and then it grows into a noise of which you can only identify as rainfall. It starts pouring outside, and the air starts getting chilly. But it was perfect.

Both you and Nat relaxes a little more at the sudden, but cozy background noise. You nuzzle against her neck in search for more of her warmth. She pulls the blanket up to cover more of your body, and lets her arms retreat back to the small of your back.

Soon enough the calmness of it all had your blinking go at a slow pace, now your eyelids falling down more to closing.

Surprisingly, your stuffy nose wasn't being annoying at the moment, but perhaps you had the cold temperature to thank for that. Your throat grew a little itchy though, so you looked away from Nat to not let the germs hit her, and let out a small cough to make it go away, hoping it doesn't get worse before you're asleep.

You turn back to the comfortable spot in the crook of her neck. Nat lays a gentle kiss on the side of your head, and that was when your eyes closed fully.

Seeing the state you were in when she got back home has her heart feeling a little heavy with concern, but she'll be beside you every second, no matter how long it takes for you to get better.

"Get better soon, мое маленькое солнышко (my little sunshine)." She whispers, slowly, and ever so softly. Only the rain responded back, but the feeling of your breathing against her was enough to let her fall asleep along with you.

|—————————— ⴵ ——————————|

It was 3:35 AM. The rain outside was still ongoing, but it was a calmer, less noticeable rainfall.

You were awoken with a coughing fit, lasting a minute or so. You try to hold it in after a short break, the trapped air wanting to break out of your throat. Fortunately, or, well, unfortunately, Nat was still asleep, somehow. You'd guessed the meeting yesterday took her energy out a lot.

Not wanting to wake her, you slowly untangle yourself from her embrace, and crawl out of bed, all the while taking a few deep breaths not to go into another coughing fit. But of course, by the time you quietly leave the room, one was bound to happen once more as you make your way to the kitchen.

You open a cupboard and grab a glass, careful to make sure your grip was strong enough. After pouring yourself a glass of water and taking a sip, you sigh. The moment of it becoming worse came sooner than you expected. But that just means being sick will pass by just as quick. Or, you desperately hope it will.

Meanwhile, in the bedroom, Nat started opening her eyes to cold sheets, and her embrace was empty of any sign of you. She awoke more as she blinked. To see no sight of you as she looked around made her get out of bed quicker than being late to work has ever made her.

When she goes out the bedroom, she sees you standing in the kitchen, your shoulders tense from coughing so much. But relief flowed through her body when you appeared in her vision.

Concern came next. She snuck her hands in her pockets at the coldness the living room had to offer. She was missing the warm blankets, but she was also missing you. And you were her top priority at the moment, not to even add the given situation that's happening right now.

The sound of your awful coughing echoed to the walls and back to her ears distantly. "You didn't wake me." Her voice huskily sounded out, and you just about heard it from the horrible hell your body was giving you. Thankfully, you weren't surprised and didn't go into fight or flight mode or anything.

She walks closer until you were only centimeters away from each other. "Sorry." you whisper to her, your voice raw from your throat being so sore. One row of coughs lead to another, and soon it's the endless miserable feeling while Nat rubbed your back.

You stare off at the marble counter for a bit after opening your eyes at the two second break, trying to recollect your breathing and not cough again by taking deep breaths, but it barely helps. Natasha reaches her arm over to the side counter just next to the both of you, and grabs the water filled glass you had earlier, holding it up for you.

You had your hands gripping the marble counter in front of you, your eyes drags itself down to see the glass cup. You let go of the edge and hold the cup instead, taking a quick sip before coughing again. You slowly drank your water until your lungs calmed down.

Nat's arms go down to go around your waist, pulling herself closer to the back of your body to place her face near your neck. You could feel her nose brushing against your skin just slightly, giving you a sense of comfort.

"You want me to make you some tea?" her voice softly whispers out into the darkness while you set your empty glass down. She knows medicine is the last thing you'd want at the moment, and knowing you, you would simply say it doesn't help. And it really didn't feel like it did with how many times you've gotten sick.

You gently nod, and her eyes watches your movement. Her hand slides down to hold one of yours, squeezing it, while her other hand goes up to open a cupboard. She moved beside you to grab a teabag and a mug, then when she had to move away to grab some water and pour it to heat up in a kettle, her hand had left yours lonely.

Since she's waiting on it to warm up now, she turns to face you, her back leaning against the counter. You go closer to her, finding her hand once more. You rested your head against her chest and her free hand holds your back, surrounding you with warmth.

The minutes go by with the two of you staying in that embrace, a peaceful quietness upon the room.

"You okay?" she asks softly, as if the whole world was about to fall apart if she spoke any louder, and to you, it almost felt like so. But that was until she held you in her arms.

You couldn't tell. There wasn't a name to the feeling. Exhaustion? Maybe. You didn't give her an answer, you only held her tighter.

She understands that words may not be the best choice for you right now, and so, she pulls back slightly, but keeps a fair distance enough to not make you pout at the loss of closeness. She takes in every feature on your face. Though you may be sick, you were still the most adorable human being to her, and since you were so quiet, she takes her chance to show her love instead.

The redhead has a small smile on her face, just before she leans in to lay a kiss on the tip of your nose. The action leaves you a little stunned, because you thought she was only admiring you, but it warmed your heart either way. And then, a kiss on your forehead. At this point, she wants to get sick.

But then, she turns back around to the counter, her back now facing you. The water had heated up now, so she pours it from the kettle to the mug.

She grabs the teabag she had placed nearby earlier, and dips it into the hot water, letting it sink and soak. As that's happening, she goes ahead and grabs a spoon of sugar or so then carefully adds it into the tea, stirring it and just ever so slightly pressing on the teabag with the spoon to get it out quicker.

Once she was done she slowly spins around, making sure the hot mug wasn't anywhere close to hitting you. She then steadily makes her way back to the bedroom, with you beside her. You were careful not to accidentally bump into her either. The two of you kept focus on keeping the dangerous burning tea in the mug.

When you arrive at the bedroom, Nat places it on the bedside table, letting out a breath she unknowingly kept in. Mission accomplished. Yes, she was a trained assassin, and yes, she's an avenger, but sleep can really get to you with losing focus and a chance of spilling a drink...especially when it's dark at night like this. Well, at least the bedroom has some dim lighting on. It's dim, but not dimmer than the soft kitchen lights.

You were sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for Nat to sit beside you. When she does, she's holding the mug in her hands, blowing air to the tea to cool it down for you.

You could do it yourself, both you and the widow knew that, but considering she took the opportunity to do it for you first, you let her. Plus, the way her eyes are so focused on the ripples its causing in the liquid to make it drinkable is adorable.

You wait patiently until she slowly gives the mug over to you, keeping an eye on your fingers that you put around the handle while she holds parts of it that wasn't boiling, making sure it won't fall out of either of your hands.

You take a small sip at first, and when the temperature felt okay to you, you drink it slowly, taking breaks so your body would be able to cool down.

The hot air comes out in a breath from your mouth, The warmness of the tea going down your throat filling your body with relief and relaxation.

Once you've finished after a few more minutes, Nat had been reading a book, while at the same time keeping an eye on you. You place the mug on the bedside table, and took a glance back at Nat.

She looked so worried, so tired still because she had only gotten a small amount of rest. You started thinking on how she was taking care of you, and you wished this sickness would just stop.

The way she looks up from the pages filled with ink, just to show you a smile for you finishing the tea, it hit you just as much as the other times that you got really lucky.

What if you deserved the sickness? All this good couldn't have come without a cost...right? Wrong, darling. Nat puts the book down on her bedside table, opening her arms for you to sit within.

You still had work to be finished. The events that's happened in the past week, even the small ones couldn't leave your mind, while for others, it had been easily forgotten. You should be doing more, you thought.

But you were trying. The best you could. Nat could see that, and almost everyone else could see if they knew how to simply look into a human's eyes. You were just too soft for all of it.

She only wants you to get better. Everything else didn't matter. Even Fury, Maria, and Yelena is probably worrying about you right now.

It's all crashing down. You were in her arms, and she places a gentle kiss atop your head. Her fingers gently danced at your back, drawing meaningless patterns.

Your face seemed tired, and her heart ached at the thought of how much you're suffering. You were tired, that was for sure. It was sickness after sickness, almost every week or month. You just wanted a break.

It's a vicious cycle. Sure, you kept yourself feeling great with jokes and little happy moments, but it didn't mean the worse ones weren't gonna come bite you again at random times.

You move closer into the crook of her neck, your eyes glazed over, and you couldn't have noticed it unless the moonlight had hit your eyes. When Natasha feels tears going down her neck and down to seep into her shirt, she pulls you in closer.

"Oh, милая (sweetheart)." You tried. You tried really hard to keep it inside, but a broken sob leaves your mouth at her soft and caring tone. You've been going through so much, and she knows that, even if its small things, too.

It hurt. It really did. Your throat, the headache you get every now and then, and mentally, you weren't doing all that well either. But she holds you safely, as much as she could. And that's just all you need.

"It's okay. You'll be okay." she whispers softly. Your body shakes with the emotions you held from the past. Her hand trailed up your body just to slide it down to your lower back once more. Her other hand, has her thumb rubbing the skin just below your neck, the little movement assuring you that she was there, as she always has been, and will continue to be.

It went on for a while until you were able to calm down, only dissolving into small bur sharp intakes of breath going in your liver from all the sobbing. You went quieter with each deep breath you took, Nat along with you because she knew you could feel her breathing against you, so she does deep breaths to help you fall into the same pace as her.

She goes back to normal breathing after your little hiccup sounding noises were gone. Your eyes had closed, exhausted from everything, and the way her thumb was still going forth in an up and down motion near your neck helps into making you fall asleep.

Nat looks down on your sleeping figure, glad that you were able to get your emotions out fully, and still get your sleep in. You deserved the whole world, the galaxy, and still more than that.

She leans down, whispering a soft "I love you," just near your ear before turning off the lamp and going to sleep herself.

|—————————— ⴵ ——————————|

Bonus! - in the morning... :]

The blankets were a jumbled mess, but it still kept the both of you warm, and somehow had no little holes that the cold could sneak into.

She continues to read her book with the fairy lights she turned on on the bedpost helping her see the words written. The redhead awoke just a few minutes ago, and she would be doing her morning routine or getting breakfast ready by now, but with you on her body, getting the rest you needed, she didn't have it in herself to move.

The soft orange light from the bedroom bouncing off the walls blends with the blue sky, making itself known by going through the windows and illuminating a part of the room.

Nat had forgotten to close the curtains the night before, having been too preoccupied in taking care of you. But even so, just seeing the scene coming alive in front of her makes her feel a little more at peace.

You, too, seemed much more at peace.

------------------

A/N: If you look closely you could notice sweet nothing by taylor hidden throughout this <3

taglist <3 - join here! :]

@notevenanna @ludasgf @lovelyy-moonlight @red1culous @justanotherteenpoet @fxckmiup @dmenby3100 @natsbraids-deactivated20231115 :( @animealways @natashasilverfox @wandsmxmff

[zzprompto]

☆ paper rings

re2! leon kennedy x male reader [he / him]

sypnosis: amidst the troubles in raccoon city, leon and [name] find some peace. but it doesn't last long. (meant to be viewed as romantic.)

the lowercase is intentional !

- warnings : death, guns, zombies, other re stuff

low grunts from zombies could be heard outside the room leon and [name] had holed themselves up in. this wasn't where the couple expected to be in of all places. what a great place to have a date in, right?

leon was rummaging through a few boxes, trying to find some ammo, herbs or anything else that would help him and [name] keep going. on the other hand, [name] was in the corner, trying not to freak out. he had his hands over his ears, blocking out the sounds that were coming from the zombies outside.

eventually, leon found something in one of the many boxes that he had been searching through. it wasn't anything useful though, just some old, tattered piece of paper. he quickly folded it up into a circular shape, almost resembling a ring.

leon walked over to [name], kneeling down and presenting the ring to him with a smile. he didn't want [name] to worry or panic too much about the everlooming threat of those flesh-rotting monsters outside, so he hoped that this would somewhat calm [name] down.

"what's that?" [name] asked, voice shaky. it was almost as if he was on the verge of crying, or even breaking down. he stared at the ring infront of him, moving his hands off of his ears even though the noises outside were still overwhelming him.

"i think you know what it is. you're smart." leon whispered back, grinning at [name]. he hoped [name] would be able to tell what he was trying to do with the ring, even if it was just paper. ultimately, leon hoped [name] would accept this sore excuse of a proposal.

[name] pondered for a few moments, keeping a close eye on paper that was being presented to him. it was clear what leon had tried to do. he had tried to turn it into a ring for a proposal. [name]'s mouth opened to speak, but nothing cane out. he let out a grunt and he furrowed his brows in frustration.

"what i'm trying to do is.. how do i put this.." leon whispers, trying to think of the best way to do this. leon takes in a deep breath before he speaks again.

"i love you, [name]." the cop continues speaking, a hopeful smile on his face. "i have for the time that we've been friends, for the time that we've been lovers, and hopefully for the rest of our lives. even though we can't get married now because.. well, we're amidst some zombie apocalypse right now, and because we're both men.. i want to marry you some day. so, consider this my proposal to you." leon says, speaking directly from the heart with such love and adoration for the man that was sitting infront of him.

[name] started to tear up and his lip quivered. he nodded at leon, unable to say anything else. leon understood what this meant, so he took the paper ring and placed it on [name]'s ring finger with a smile.

"i'm sorry that this isn't the most ideal place or time for a proposal, nor is the ring." leon apologises, his smile replaced with a small frown. he did want something better for [name], something more grand to express his love for the other. but, he didn't even think anything would be able to put into words how much he felt for [name].

"it's fine." [name] sniffles, voice breaking. "i'd marry you.. even if we only had paper rings." he chuckled, a few stray tears falling down his cheeks. like a hero coming to save the day, leon immediately started wiping down [name]'s tears.

"i just.." [name] continued to speak, voice wavering. "i just hope we make it out of here. i can't stand listening to all that groaning on repeat, it's making my skin crawl.." he mutters, clearly uncomfortable by the whole situation.

leon presses a kiss to [name]'s forehead in hopes it would calm the other man down. he didn't want his lover to worry. he knew they were going to make it out of this hell hole - together.

"of course we're going to make it out, [name]. we have eachother, don't we?" leon whispered in return, leaning forward to cradle [name] in his arms. in return, [name] sobbed, unable to stop his tears from flowing - especially because of leon's tender and loving touch.

"speaking of making it out of here.." leon muttered against [name]'s forehead. "we have to leave this room soon. we don't want the zombies to end up tearing inside here, do we?" he hummed, giving [name]'s forehead yet another kiss before he pulled back.

[name] nodded and he shuffled back from leon slightly. he wiped his tears away with his sleeve, trying to look presentable - or as presentable as he could be in such a situation.

"yeah.. let's.. let's go." [name] replied, voice shaky. when he breathed in, his whole body shook. it seemed that he still hadn't calmed down from crying earlier. leon was concerned, his brows furrowed as he looked over at his partner.

"are you sure? we can wait out a few more minutes. you look like you need to calm down a little more." leon says, taking one of [name]'s hands in his own to stroke it gently. he didn't want [name] to be in an even worse place than he already was in. he wanted to do everything that he could in that moment to help [name].

[name] shook his head, opposing to what leon had just said. "i'm fine, i promise. just.. a little shaken up. i'll be good to go." he mumbled back, taking in a deep breath to ultimately prepare himself for what was to come.

leon nodded in response and he smiled. he then stood up and offered [name] a hand, which [name] gladly took in response. leon then took a quick look around the boxes once more to see if he had missed anything. he found a half empty box of ammo and some dried up green herbs. it was better than nothing.

"alright, time to go." leon muttered, looking over at [name] briefly before he turned to the door. he opened it cautiously, looking around to see if there were any zombies patrolling around. and there were. he quickly shot those that were on the corridor before grabbing [name]'s hand and making a run for it.

the two kept running throughout the corridor, taking any turns or shortcuts that were needed to avoid any zombie contact. they were doing well for a while, until they ran into a problem. they were surrounded.

"shit." leon muttered, dropping [name]'s hand as he looked around. "stay close, okay?" he whispered to [name] before he shot more rounds at the zombies. one by one, the came falling down. except for one.

one particularly pesky zombie had caught onto [name]'s leg as it fell down, scratching it deeply. [name] would've let out a scream if he hadn't already been biting down on his lip so heavily to the point where it was bleeding.

leon hadn't noticed [name]'s injury, he just grabbed [name]'s hand once more so they could make a run for it. the two kept running for their lives, once again. it seemed to be the only thing they could do in such a situation.

[name] started to grunt and groan in pain as they kept running. leon turned his head slightly, seeing the trail of blood on the floor that was coming from [name]'s leg. his eyes widened in concerned as he saw this and he immediately ran to a corner, pulling [name] along with him.

"when did that happen?" leon asked, sitting [name] down and pulling his trouser leg up. the cut was serious and pretty deep too. those zombies had gotten [name] pretty good.

[name] breathed in and out heavily, clutching onto his stomach as he squeezed his eyes shut. he felt so uncomfortable right now, it was like bugs were running up and down his body - but like 100x worse because of the injury in his leg.

"one of them.. scratched me as it was going down.." he muttered, burying his face inbetween his knees. he didn't want to face leon - he felt guilty. [name] believed that leon was going to scold him in that moment, and he didn't want to experience that at all. luckily, leon didn't do that.

"bastards.. hurting [name].." leon muttered under his breath. he looked around, trying to see if he could get something to wrap around the wound. he checked his pockets and eventually found the tiniest bit of guaze. he decided that it should do - so he wrapped it around [name]'s leg and hoped for the best.

leon looked up at [name] with a worried expression. "you think you can still run? we shouldn't be that far from the train. we can get out of here." he said, trying to be hopeful as he possibly could. [name] opened his eyes in response and he nodded, trying to put on a smile even though he was in immense pain.

leon sighed in relief, standing up and helping [name] up too. leon gripped onto [name]'s hand once more and they started running again. this time, they were a little slower because of [name]'s injury. however, leon was still hopeful. he was determined to get out of raccoon city with both him and [name] alive.

the couple kept running for their lives, once again taking different turns and shortcuts just to escape any zombie hoards. leon wasn't going to take any risks this time, not when [name] was injured.

"this way.." leon muttered, taking a turn. he was still holding onto [name]'s hand, but his grip was slowly faltering because of how sweaty his palms had gotten. the adrenaline was coursing through his veins, making his heart pummel against his chest and his sweat just skyrocket in production. this wasn't a good sign. it wasn't a good sign at all.

without realising, leon's hand had slipped and he had let go of [name]. [name] had tumbled and fallen onto the floor, alerting all nearby zombies. leon stopped and he turned around to go help [name] back up, but it was too late.

one zombie. two zombies. three zombies.

three zombies were swarming [name]'s body, all getting ready to pounce on him. it was as if they were practically drooling upon the sight of the young man.

leon tried his best to shoot them, but his hands were too shaky and his palms were too sweaty. he was afraid. afraid of what, exactly? he hadn't been this afraid when fighting all those other zombies, so why was it now?

it was because of [name]. [name] was the centre of the zombie's attention currently, and leon was scared that he was going to essentially shoot [name] if one of the zombies angled themselves weirdly. of course, leon didn't want that. so he froze. still. unable to do anything.

[name] had finally gained focus after falling. he looked around and saw the zombies swarming him. he wanted to scream and cry and yell out for help, but he couldn't. nothing escaped his mouth. it was almost as if he was frozen - just like leon.

[name]'s eyes darted away from the zombies towards the light. maybe he was already dying. maybe that's why he saw the light. but, instead of light he saw leon. he smiled, a few tears now running down his cheeks.

"run leon.. run.." he croaks, voice breaking as he spoke. if he couldn't get out of there, he wanted leon to get out of there if anything. all that mattered was leon in that moment - nobody else. leon was his light. leon would find a way out of there - he had done all the work that night after all. [name] was just too anxious for anything.

"i love you.." [name] breathes out before the zombies started going at him. violent screams were the only other things that left [name]'s lips after that moment.

leon did as [name] said and he started to run. he ran as fast as he could out of there, away from the zombies, away from the pain, away from [name].

the rookie briefly turned back, taking a glimpse of the scene that was there. the scene that he'd see countless times after, but not as a joyous memory - but as a reoccuring nightmare.

and all that was left in leon's mind was the vision of [name]'s body being torn apart, and the bloodied paper ring he was wearing.

- author's note: hope you guys enjoy :) working on a request.. so if you're waiting for a request and it's taking a little long i'm so sorry 😭 i will get it done by the end of this week ! might write something for luis because i love him and i don't want it to seem like leon is the only resident evil character i know 😐

- navigation : masterlist : request

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

Wanted to share a few more things to keep in mind when writing about a man of color who has ADHD. I really hope most people know why presenting Ed as messy and unable to take care of himself without a White man's help is racist and bad, but there are a lot of other things I see that make me (a brown man with AuDHD) uncomfortable!

If you have ADHD, it's obviously okay to see yourself in a character! But it's important to keep in mind how they might come across as racist when you're writing about a man of color.

Here are some things I see pretty often:

Implying that ADHD means Ed isn't smart or capable. He's canonically a genius! It's okay if he worries he's not smart enough and the text directly contradicts that fear, but please be sensitive to how other characters will perceive a man of color who is very successful and also has ADHD symptoms on top of that. Don't make it sound like bigots are right about Ed. This is a careful line to walk and if you're White I recommend finding a sensitivity reader if you're going this route.

People of color very often will not tell you if we have ADHD. I'm too used to finally getting to a point where people see me as capable, then casually mentioning I have ADHD, and then being treated like a child again. Straight up if you're White I'm not telling you, and when Ed goes around in fics telling everyone he meets, it takes me out of the story. Show his symptoms, have him mention it in his own narration, but he's probably not going to be telling Stede right after they meet. In one of my fics, the only time he ever tells anyone else he has ADHD, it's Zheng, and that's on purpose.

Don't imply that Ed is only successful because of White men keeping him in check. That's racist and gross.

ADHD does not make someone "hyperfocus" on relationships or drop established relationships at the drop of a hat. That is not something Ed does. Please stop making me read this one, people with ADHD have normal and complicated relationships just like everyone else.

And some things you could do instead:

Consider Ed's symptoms based on what we actually see in the show. He's easily exciteable, bouncy, and sensory-seeking, often seeking out touch and experiences.

Remember that everyone's tolerance levels are different. Some people with ADHD really can't sit still, but Ed isn't one of them. When he's focused and mentally in a good place, he has no trouble being still and quiet. When he's doing a boring, quiet task, or when he's feeling intense emotions, that's when he has trouble.

If you're writing about Ed struggling with his symptoms and feeling like a failure because of them - which does happen! I'll be feeling great because I'm succeeding at work and school and then feel awful because I realize I forgot a doctor's appointment! - please let the narrative and other characters challenge those thoughts.

Just...basically, if you're writing about an ADHD Ed, don't let the ADHD take away that he's a very smart, talented, successful, tidy man of color. Honestly if you're White and writing about Ed's ADHD based on your own experiences, I recommend looking into a sensitivity reader. I'm pretty much always happy to do a sensitivity read if you ask. :)

[quitealotofsodapop]

I like to think that it takes a but before Wukong and DBK end up having a much needed conversation about Wukong's pregnancy and the reasons he'd kept it hidden. They didn't hold off on it until Revenge of the Spider Queen, but I don't think Wukong was exactly eager to talk about it.

I also think that Wukong ought to have had some hidden resentment not even he had been aware of at the fact his big brother, who definitely is the sort to swear he'd protect Wukong no matter what despite Wukong not needing it, hadn't been able to keep his promise when it came to Wukong's capture, torture, and imprisonment. Being thrown into a Furnace for nearly 50 years and then buried under a mountain for 500 more isn't exactly something you just 'get over', and that's just a small part of what Heaven had done to Wukong. Like... he doesn't blame DBK because there's no way he could have known... but also DBK had broken his promise to keep his baby brother safe and presumably the first interaction they had after Wukong was freed by the mountain was presumably DBK asking Wukong for help with his toddler son who was hurting himself with a power he could not control and Wukong was probably hurt by that. And he was definitely hurt by the fight they later had.

Basically, there's a lot of bad stuff that happened with the journey and the events that led up to it and I think Wukong was suppressing a lot of that trauma, and it came out in ways he didn't really notice. Part of that comes to a head during their first heart to heart when DBK is told why Wukong had kept the fact he was pregnant a secret. He still didn't know exactly how long he was pregnant, that it was indeed during the Journey and not something that came about after it, but he knows Wukong had been pregnant when he was sealed under the mountain and Wukong had knowingly kept that from him. The rest of that only came out while they were in the web, which onky served to infuriate DBK even more because he'd thought he'd HAD this conversation with Wukong already and he comes to find out that Wukong had kept even more from him.

Basically it be like,

DBK: Why are you being so secretive about this? A child is amazing!

Wukong: There's a reason I don't want this getting out, DBK! Could you imagine what would happen if work got out that the 'Great Sun Wukong' was pregnant and vulnerable!? What would the Jade Court do!? The thousands of enemies I've made over the years!? I'd be lucky if they didn't start lining up at my door to try to take advantage!

DBK: I would have protected you! You're my little brother, you could've have told me!

Wukong: Oh, like you protected me so well during the war when I got thrown in a Furnace and trapped under a mountain!

Silence, as Wukong realized what he said, and that he hadn't meant to say that aloud. He'd thought he'd gotten over that tbh.

Another thing to consider;

Wukong also missed out on 500 years of life back when he was captured. 500 years of being unable to make amends with his mate. 500 years unable to defend his people from the Fires and the hunters.

And DBK spent all that time free, married, getting invited to parties, and generally having a life while his younger brother rotted under that mountain.

From Wukong's perspective, DBK forgot about his little brother. And that def stirs up some resentment once the two reunite after DBK's release.

But the full truth is even uglier than that.

As Sun Wukong and DBK's arguing escalates, I can see DBK finally breaking down into tears.

DBK: "I wanted to save you xiandi! I truly did! Azure and the others claimed you a traitor but I Knew you would never surrender without cause!" Wukong, angry tears: "Then why didn't you try freeing me from the Furnance?! Did you just sit around for all of those 49 days!?" DBK, voice raising accidentally: "IF I DID THEY WERE GOING TO KILL TIESHAN!" *covers mouth in shock* (The room goes silent. A long-held secret having just been revealed. As if the demon king had expended all his magic to break a verbal geas/spell that had tormented him for centuries) Wukong: "...t-they? Who's they?" DBK, shaking with tears and anger: "Many. Not just Heaven... if I moved to help or defend you in any way they'd... they threatened to... "take away what I had conquered". They treatened it long before you even surrendered to the Emperor." Wukong: "Wh-who? Who would threaten that? Who knew you'd defend me even if I had surrendered-" *goes quiet at a realisation left unsaid* "No..." DBK, eyes saddened: "Yes." Wukong, now angry-crying: "But... why?!" DBK, unsure himself: "I believe... some of them suspected that it wasn't truly Heaven we would have surrendered for. We are too much alike in many ways..." Wukong, taking in a deep breath: "The Emperor he'd- He said he'd- I'm sorry..." DBK: "I know he threatened to take Liu'er away from you. Anyone with a brain could deduce that." Wukong: *nods mournfully* DBK: *deep sigh* "I suppose I could have at least visited you... buddha knows Macaque did." Wukong: "Wait, you know about that?" DBK: "Of course! He visited your mountain nearly every year on the dot. Mostly to plant peach trees and sunflowers in the soil outside and pray for your swift release. Odds are he did not reveal himself due to your falling out- Xiandi are you ok!?" Wukong, realising that Macaque still loved him even then: "NO!!!!"

I love emotionally tormenting these characters. >:3

[bloodynectarine]

I could just eat you up

Asmo decides that there's no better way to boost your self-esteem than to aggressively make out with you for an hour. Or two.

tags. asmo x mc, dominant asmo, gender-neutral mc, insecure mc, body worshiping, nsfw (mostly kissing but undeniably horny), mdni.

notes. i think that asmo is the type of guy (demon) that would get really hurt if you feel insecure about the way you look. it's my first time writing something that goes beyond hand-holding, but it had to be done, i want more dom asmo out in the universe.

“You can never go wrong with a clear lip gloss.”

“I don't know, gloss makes my lips feel kind of sticky.”

Asmo let's out a tiny whine of disagreement, but his hand is steady as he puts the aforementioned gloss in your lips, carefully, with ease.

So close to him, you get a first row seat to the orange of his eyes that borderlines gold at times, and you're so transfixed by the way the color moves and changes that you stop your complaints and let him do whatever he wants. You promised to be “his pretty little doll” for today, after all.

“This isn't human-world gloss, silly. You'll hardly notice it's there, promise... Aaaaaand done. What do you think?”

Satisfaction is such a pretty look on Asmo, that's what you think, when you catch his reflection in the mirror of his vanity, the one you're sitting in front of, while he stands next to you, a hand on his hip.

The contentment in his face is reward enough for the weekly four and a half hours he likes to spend dolling you up. Your “Asmo Time”, and everyone in the House of Lamentation knows better than to try to interrupt your Asmo Time —the only one that keeps trying from time to time is Mammon, but that's just how Mammon is (endearingly persistent)—.

From skincare, to hair, to makeup: he has paid attention to every single detail. It still amazes you how much joy Asmo gets out of taking care of you, how he seems to never get tired of it.

And even if it'll never be as fun for you as it is for Asmo (who seems to love looking at you almost as much as he enjoys looking at himself), you can't deny that you enjoy his attention and company immensely.

Asmo, who never runs out of things to talk about, that listens attentively and laughs at your multiple stories, remembering even the tiniest of details. (So much so that you're sure that if you were to insist one more time, today would be the last day he puts gloss on you. But he's right, this demon-world-gloss is truly great, you barely feel it against your lips).

Your Asmo Time is precious to you, it really is. And yet, by the end of it, you find yourself unable to look at your reflection. Every single time.

“You are truly the best at what you do, Asmo” you say cheerfully, after looking at yourself in the mirror for exactly 0.5 seconds, enough to notice that the glitter eyeshadow is pretty, but not long enough to really look at yourself. You can't. Not now, not ever.

“The best at what I do, and what's that, mh? Being the prettiest brother? Oh, love, I already know I'm the best at that” and while his voice carries the same flirty and flippant tone as always, when you make eye contact through the mirror, he looks way less cheerful, thoughtful. You can feel the change in the air, and silence settles between the two of you, while he continues to assess you through the reflection, playing with your hair.

Well, you might have been able to fool any other of the seven siblings for a bit longer, but this is Asmo we're talking about.

Now, you're wondering how to put it. (“It's not your fault, Asmo. The makeup is great, I'm sure, I just don't like looking at myself!! No big deal though, don't worry, haha” doesn't sound too good). It will have to do for now though, you'd hate it if he thought you didn't like the makeup. Or worse, you realize, he might think you do not enjoy your Asmo Time.

With urgency, you decide to start. “Hey, Asmo, it's not--.”

It's probably for the best that you don't get to go on, with Asmo's lips stealing the words right out of your mouth. Kissing with Asmo is a common occurrence, with his preferred form of greeting being a peck against your lips. However, you can tell this is different.

The little gasp you let out is a natural reaction to the softness of his lips against yours, so sudden and yet welcomed, pressing right back.

Ripe peach, with a hint of something earthy, almost like the smell of morning dew, hits your nose, and you recognize it right away as the smell of Asmo's skin that you've noticed before, but never this close. Never this inebriating.

The hand that was playing with your hair just seconds ago scratches against your scalp, making you hum against his mouth and straighten your back. It travels down until he's holding your nape, an anchor in the middle of the storm, angling your head just so he can meet your lips even more full-on.

The way he licks into your mouth is so full of intent, of purpose, leaving no room for doubt or what ifs, the message loud and clear: Want. Desire.

When he flattens his tongue against yours, more than hearing him, you can feel him groan against you, and the sensation travels from your lips and sits in your chest, making you tremble in return.

The chair scrapes against the floor with the force he uses to press you against it, and your heart leaps, thinking for a fraction of a second that you are going to fall. Your hands reach out to hold his neck, his chest.

Overwhelmed as you are, you've failed to notice that Asmo is already holding the chair. He laughs, but it's far from the playful sound you're used to. It's breathless, so much so that you can barely hear it.

When he sucks your tongue and starts to pull back, you half-open your eyes and whine, loud and clear in the middle of his room, missing his taste. You gasp when you find him already looking at you, with half-lidded eyes. They're almost cherry red.

The hand in your nape travels to hold your face, pulling from your lower lip with his thumb, making sure you keep your mouth open as he resumes kissing you, sucking and biting into your mouth. Full of greed, of hunger, of lust.

You spend an eternity and a half like that, gasping for air whenever your lips grow apart, but chasing his mouth with even more urgency. While Asmo's hands keep you steady, yours press against his chest, run through his hair, and pull whenever you want more.

Everything about him is pleasant to the touch. When he parts from your lips for good, it leaves you reeling, trying your best to catch your breath.

You feel him move behind you and push the chair until your hands lay against the vanity, just to hold something, still trying to make sense of how kissing could feel that good. You almost want to reprimand him for using his sin against you, but when you lick your lips you can only taste Asmo, not a single drop of magic.

And that means that the pleasure that coils in your gut is all yours.

“Darling”, and you raise your eyes just to make eye contact through the mirror. He's holding your shoulders, bending down to whisper against your ear. You start to turn, attempting to see him face to face.

“No”, his hand holds your chin, keeping you in place, “Look at yourself.”

And so, out of sorts, you do.

He has made a mess out of you. Your hair is sticking in all kind of directions, your lips as red as they could get. Your eyes shine, and glow. You look close to tears.

Mortification stars to crawl in your skin. You are a wreck, you are--

“What's there not to adore about you?”

At the breathless voice, you lock eyes with Asmo once again. And you take a sudden intake of air, startled by the look in his eyes.

He is transfixed. His eyes travel across your face, and he looks absolutely mesmerized, completely lost.

You feel and see him as he turns and licks your ear, but when you whimper and jump at the jolt of pleasure, you aren't too sure if it's in response to the press of his teeth against your earlobe or to the phantom touch his eyes leave on your skin.

“Asmo, I--”

“You are absolutely perfect”, he goes on, and his hands shift down, with one gripping your neck, and even without pressing, its touch brands you, it feels like hot coal against your skin.

The other one goes even lower and cups your chest, making you moan as he starts to caress your nipple through the thin layer of cloth. Your face reddens when you realize he's still watching you. He looks so hungry.

“From head, to toe. There's nothing that I don't love about you, darling”, he groans, right against your ear, his hand still pressing and pulling from your nip as you grasp into the vanity, whimpering, unable to close your eyes.

When he starts to lick against your neck, your head tilts to give him more space. At his mercy, he bites and sucks, groaning against your skin. “What should I do, to make you understand?”, as if rewarding your submissiveness, he lets go of your neck, and his hand goes down instead.

You don't recognize the noise you let out when you feel his nails scratch against your jeans, right on top of your crotch. An up and down movement, small motions that manage to be too little and too much at the same time, your legs spasming at the pleasure. You sob, and you can feel a tear or two getting stuck in your lashes, overstimulated.

“Should I fuck it into you?”, is the growl that rumbles against your neck, gruff, and it takes you a second to recognize this voice as Asmo's.

“If I make you cry, if I fill you up to the brim. Would that help you get it into your pretty little head? How utterly gorgeous you are, how much I want you?”, his palm presses down and makes you keen.

A flick of his wrist and you can hear the door locking. His smile is almost angelic when he looks back at you, and in your muddled mind, your only coherent thought is that the two of you are going to be very late for dinner.

“It can't hurt to try, right, my love?”

ao3 ― writing tag

[believemetheodore]

Jealousy, Jealousy

Ted Lasso x Reader

Requested by @lavendernlemons (I'm so sorry it took so long!!!)

"okay, can i make a request for a ted x reader, where the reader’s brother/close male friend comes to visit the reader at richmond (reader is maybe keeley/rebecca’s PA) and ted gets a lil jelly? maybe an indirect confession from beard or roy that just can’t handle it anymore?"

___________________________________

Jealousy isn't usually his style. It doesn't fit. It pinches at his sides and sits tight around his chest, and shoulders. It closes in around a friendship and relationship he normally feels so comfortable in. It's like slipping into a once-favourite sweater that's been shrunk in the dryer. He has no intention of giving it away. Hoping that forcing himself to spend the day in it might make room might stretch things back into a tolerable-- no, loveable shape. 

He wonders briefly when this feeling settled in and made itself a home. He knows it's not rooted in any level of possessiveness, that's something he's never felt-- far too much a believer in everyone deserving their own autonomy. He accepts that it's likely the itch of insecurity tickling in the back of his mind. The fear that being him might be too much. not right. not enough. 

Regardless of the source of the emotion, watching his partner tucked under the arm of another man as they take a walk around the pitch just doesn't sit right with him. His heart clenches and he feels his hands doing the same. His palms are sweating and he chooses to head inside to get a drink, unable to watch the scene in front of him play out much longer. 

Beard meets him in the office silently offering a bottle of cold water. 

“You wanna talk about it, coach?” 

“Talk about what, Coach?” 

Beard raises his eyebrows shooting Ted a knowing look, “hey jealousy”.

“Great song-- I feel like we've had this conversation before”.

Beard shrugs. 

“It shouldn't bother me,” Ted offers, lowering himself into the chair at his desk, “but it does. I can't shake it. And it's nobody's fault. I know that”.

“You're right”.

 Ted stares puzzled as his friend, “can you elaborate?”

“It's not anyone's fault. But it isn't about blame. It's about fear. Insecurity. Vulnerability. They're friends. You know they're just friends-- still you're jealous. It's not a fault, it's just something you need to get to talking about”.

Ted nods, opening his mouth to speak.

“Not with me. With them,” Beard cuts him off before he can begin. 

At home he's quite at dinner his brain preferring to stew over all of his thoughts from the day rather than enjoy his meal or the company of the person he loves. He sits further away on the sofa. He Showers on his own when he'd normally crack a joke about conserving water, squeezing himself into the tiny stall jsut to share space and time for just a few more waking minutes. In bed he lays staring at the ceiling, motionless and silent. 

The words he wants are all stuck in his throat, and the ones that find their way to the tip of his tongue are all jumbled up, saturated in misplaced frustration and unfair comparisons. He wants to speak but he can't get his lips to move. So, he just lays there. 

“You were jealous today,” the statement is gentle. Non-judgmental. But it still lands like a punch to the gut, and the sour taste of guilt tickles at him. 

“Yes--uh, yeah. But not in a weird way…”

He stutters out.

 The laughter he's met with is surprising, but welcomed. It's good natured and warm made even better by the hand sliding into his and squeezing. Firm but gentle. Reassurance in the simplest way. 

“I'm sorry. Eddie and I are just friends,” rolling over, their eyes meet and he continues to listen, “and I know you're not one to be controlling in anyway, but I hadn't considered that it might not be very nice to see me so close with someone you've hardly met”.

“You have nothing to apologize for. I guess there's just some lingering insecurity I hadn't anticipated rearing it's head at me today. One minute I was fine and the next I was sinking. Like one of them quicksand traps!”

“I appreciate you telling me,” the statement is punctuated with a kiss, “I love you, Ted”.

“I love you too sweetheart”. 

His heart swells, a smile wide on his face. The tight grip of jealousy loosens, the lead load of guilt lightens. He breathes deep and settles, sinking into the mattress comfortable in the space he's carved out for himself. He appreciates the stretches he made today, the anxieties he had to navigate. He loves those who were by his side. Balance returned to his mind and heart. Jealousy isn't his style, but believing sure is, and with all the love they have in their hearts he knows there's nothing they aren't making it through. 

[youmakethelight]

Stream of consciousness after finishing tboc finale in my rewatch

Ok I finally finished rewatching tboc with frens & fam and french subtitles. I'm ngl it got harder after the reunion bc that's when the caryl scenes started to actively hurt. We watched the first 4 back to back, but I had to make us take long breaks between 4, 5, and 6. And I had expected it to be the opposite bc I thought their chemistry would save the mess they put daryl through in 2 and 3. But no, they punished carol way harder after the reunion, and they toned down their chemistry as much as they humanly could. And that is SO disappointing bc those two are MAGIC, and what a huge, huge disappointment it is to have a showrunner who doesn't honour that. Even Gimple didn't pull it like this. Wow.

The Sophia scene in the finale was less disappointing the second time. Melissa's acting was beautiful the first time, but on the second watch, I knew the script was lacking already, so I could really focus more on Carol and Melissa's acting. And she was wildly breathtaking. It was the same with the conversation she had about Sophia with Daryl. I knew I could only expect minimal from the script, and Melissa just captivated me. It's such a shame the script took me out of it, but it's like she pulls me straight back in. She is such an intuitive actor. I just feel her emotions so intensely and SO easily. Like, I don't have to do any work as an audience member with her, she does it all for me. I get to just sit back and soak her up. It would be great to have a high quality script to match that high quality acting.

And actually, norman was better on second watch too. His inconsistency in both his acting and in his script pulled me right out on the first watch and made me feel unable to be at ease in his scenes. So, I watched them all on edge, feeling anxiety about what is about to disappoint me. MUCH disappointed me in the second watch - especially promising Laurent TWICE that he'd see him again. That isn't Daryl. He didn't promise Judith, because Daryl is always sincere and careful with his words. That's the sort of thing that used to make me feel safe with Daryl. Now, not so much, because they've changed that about him, and I don't like it at all. Having said that, I felt more moments on second watch that felt more like Daryl to me. Just odd little bits of line delivery and facial expressions. Once Laurent left and I didn't have to keep wondering every time we saw him, whether he was thinking about Carol or Laurent, I felt like I could see him again. That was really nice honestly, but god it reminded me how much I MISS HIM. And the thing is, those are crumbs. They didn't pack a punch on my first watch bc I had higher hopes. I only noticed them on second watch bc my expectations had been lowered.

We deserve better.

Anna also shone more this time. I loved her both times, but she fucking ate on second watch. Her death was stupid and unnecessary though, and totally unrealistic that she just took it like she's too cool to feel pain when being eaten alive. 🙃 Absolutely fucking insane acting by Lukerya Ilyashenko though. That idea that she didn't care if she lived or died, I think would have actually been more powerful if she had lived.

The final scene. Girl. Carol's still not had a mask yet, and you're just standing back holding it out to her, waiting for her to come to you? Wow, I could really feel that desperation to make sure she's OK. Girl. Run over to her and put the mask on for her. Absolutely slacking my guy.

Still absolutely raging daryl wasn't there for carol processing her grief, biggest disappointment of the whole show. Why did she even come?

The characters deserve a showrunner who knows and respects them BOTH. And their audience, too.

[heartfullofleeches]

i've missed the gallery, so here's a question. how would the gallery gang be with a nightguard/frequent visitor reader who's an aspiring artist? i've seen people talk about going to actual galleries for inspo or just sketching the paintings, and was wondering if the art pieces would be honored to be models or something. i dunno man this is my first ask im not sure how this stuff works lol

(I've done this as individual hcs - hope you don't mind!)

The Scavenger

"Draw, please..." "You want me to draw a candy wrapper?" "Draw."

If you want inspiration, Scavenger has got you covered. They'll pull out their finest stole goods for your seeing eyes alone - necklaces, vintage toys - and pretty much anything that catches their eye or isn't nailed to a wall. Most nights they just hold up a pocket mirror and tell you to draw what you see, because it's the best thing in the gallery. If you give them your sketches, don't be surprised if they just shove them in their mouth and return to their painting without another word. Something this precious must be kept on their person at all times.

The Painter

Gasp. A future master in their presence? Well, the only correct course of action is for two geniuses to put their heads together, and create gorgeous works of art together that will bring tears to the eyes of any manner of creature. If you are a painter like them, they create a palette for you out of their own flesh and blood. Hm, as perfect as their colors are - something feels missing. As, yes. Red. That other guard has lots, and is being selfish by hogging it all. Not to worry, dear - your muse is on the case! Sir, sir! Stop running - your sacrifice is needed for greatness!

The Lady in Red

How charming.... Will you sketch her something to put on the walls of her cabin while you are away? She'll let you go for the evening if you do. Leaving old sketches around when there are others on site will also secure their safety as she'll drop everything to have a piece of you. Draw a picture of her and she'll be the wailing ghost of the eve.

The Faceless Angel

Monitors your location and makes sure nothing disturbs you. If you ask them to sit down they will start to hum to fill the silence, stopping if you look their way. Even if you ask to sketch them, the angel is surprised when you show them the finished work. Ah, they've gone and ruined it with their tears. If they are allowed to be greedy, could you draw what you imagine their face to look like?

RoseBud

It's only logical a gallery would attract an artist. Rosebud points out the flowers that are in this season for you to warm up, and tells you to come when you're ready to draw the finishing piece. Their babes are extra yippy tonight, but they are just as excited as them and unable to contain it like their greater half. Give it directly to Rose or they will eat it, but unlike the Scavenger they feel bad and start to cry. Rosebud has some artistic skills of their own and will ask to draw you some nights

Soleil

You want to draw them? Oh, but their gears haven't been polished in ages - their casing could use a shine as well. Don't even get them started on their dials. Give them a few nights to spruce themselves up and they'll be the perfect model for you to sketch and adore

Anri

You draw? How cool! They'd love to draw with you, but they don't have the same talent as you. Would you still mind if they doodled a bit in your book anyway? Maybe when you get off work you can hit up a coffee shop and give them a few pointers.... Oh.

Julian

Outright steals your notebook and tells you to give up before you get ahead. Realizes he's doing the same as his parents and gets it back... with a few sketches thrown in the back. They're all of you in different parts of the gallery doing your job... Except for one. Why did he draw you sleeping? And why does he know the color of your bedsheets

The Director

How fun! The gallery is always open to new donations. He'd love if you drew him, or one of the many stories he has to tell. He has a perfect tale about a painter who got lost in the woods and tricked by a power beyond their understanding. Why won't you come up to his floor and let him watch you work your magic as he tells it to you? Kick back and relax. Stress is the last thing that should be on an creative's mind. Get comfortable...stay as long as you want.

[yandere-fics]

♡ NSFW Headcanons ♡

♡ The City Version ♡

(It's not my best work but it's decent, lol.)

Content Warnings: Overstimulation, afab genitals(I don't know a better way to phrase this), fingering, oral(Reader receiving and giving), scissoring, exhibitionism?(sort of, not really), two dicks(dragon dicks lol), hallucinogens?.

♡ Theanna is a pleasure dom all the way, she literally does not care about reciprocation at all. Just lay down on the couch in her office as she makes you fall apart on her fingers over and over and over again. ♡

♡ She eats you out so much that her breath probably smells like pussy, eww. That's a joke, she has breath mints and brushes her teeth, but still she does it very often. Probably has had papers and her desk ruined cause she was just so eager to get her mouth on you that she didn't care. ♡

♡ She does NOT do quickies, if she can't have you for hours then she don't want it, she'd much rather have you wait in her room for when she can have you. She says that but she'll also spend the whole day irritated because she hasn't had her fill yet. ♡

♡ She probably has sex with her clothes on like a freak lol. Sorry but being the crown princess requires lots of layers of official suits and fancy clothing which takes awhile to put on correctly(she makes her darling dress her in the morning cause if any maid tries to look at her she might flip out). Anyways the point is she can't take any more time away from work than she already does with you. ♡

♡ Elisha is from a more modern world and has lots of funds so she can probably pay people to make custom toys for her darling with her knowledge of them in her world. The darlings of the kingdoms were unable to sleep well once the inventor started mass producing them. RIP. ♡

♡ Despite the great amount of toys she has for her darling though, it's not even her favorite method. She has them in case her darling really really likes them but she never takes them out because by the time it comes for them, the foreplay was too intense and so she just wants to get down to business. ♡

♡ She's a fan of quickies, traveling means you got to go quick with these things otherwise she'd barely get to touch her darling. But she would love to settle eventually and when it happens, she'll release all that pent up energy on her poor darling who might not walk right for weeks. ♡

♡ Elisha fucking loves scissoring, it's just so intimate but it's a bit harder to do when you're traveling unless you want to lay down on the fucking pine needles. She can't handle much though but if she had the ability to handle more then she'd do it all day. ♡

♡ Abigail isn't the most dominant, but she's certainly not submissive either. You might be able to dominate her occasionally under the right circumstances. ♡

♡ She's a romantic so she wants you two to be able to bask in each other's presence in the comfort of her manor. She needs it to be in her manor, will not even touch you or think about it when you two are out and about. Not even in her office. ♡

♡ That's what makes it so fun to initiate things with her in places like her office. Just sit on her lap, suck on her neck so softly and sweetly and she'll be putty. This is the only time you're going to get to dominate her because she just feels too shy and dirty to do what she might normally do. ♡

♡ She can't deny her Sweetheart but gods, this feels so wrong. She can't handle it. Go ahead and dominate her as much as you want during this time, but be warned, a switch will be flipped once she's somewhere she's comfortable in. ♡

♡ Will invite you back to her office more, may or may not have enjoyed how wrong it was to do it in a semi public place. Be warned though, the more you do it, the more confidence she gains to touch you in public places. You might have created a huge problem. ♡

♡ Veronia is a forest dragon which means she has two dicks, certain dragons have different parts and it varies by category of dragon. ♡

♡ For someone who is so patient and mostly stays away from you unless you want to be near her, she sure has some dirty fantasies. She keeps it hidden but she sort of wants to wreck you. In the softest, nicest way possible. Not that you'll ever know though because she holds herself back so well. ♡

♡ She's a huge fan of blowjobs. You obviously can't suck both at once, she wouldn't let you even if you tried cause she doesn't want to hurt you. But if you ever got down on your knees in front of her, she would explode. It's like her deepest fantasy. ♡

♡ Be warned she has stamina so it might take awhile but rest assure, she will reciprocate. ♡

♡ The only way to make her fully go feral is to beg for both of her phalluses at once, like beg her to break you apart while wrapping your legs around her waist(or at least trying to cause she's a gargantuan woman). Still her restraint is very high so you'll going to have to coax it out of her before you finally get what you crave. ♡

♡ Bitch has magic. Like Elisha she can make toys, but hers are a little bit special. She saw Elisha's design and went like 'fucking bet' and so hers might actually make you see heaven, mostly because there's a magical compound in it that might be hallucinogenic. Sorry dear, she'll have to make a new version of the toy that doesn't do that next time. ♡

♡ She's another pleasure dom and she loves using magic on you. She can do anything you want with her magic. She would experiment on you for weeks if it was possible without breaking you. ♡

♡ Still she's always eager to figure out which spell will make you cum the hardest, which ones make you writhe and squirm, which ones make you faint because you can't go any longer. She prefers the ones that make you get really loud. ♡

♡ All you have to do is ask and she'll find a way to make your fantasy come true, why else does she have this magical knowledge if it wasn't for pleasing her soulmate in every way possible. She doesn't even need to physically touch you anymore to make you fall apart, though she still enjoys the classics. ♡