#and kiddo's family is super bad at social distancing

[monotonous-minutia]

Y'all after like two months of practical quarantine I'm finally allowing myself to go to the laundromat and you have no idea how excited I am

[batfam-rewrites]

Batfam During Quarantine: Retirement

Dick pulls up in front of the apartment that Barbara and her family lives in. He takes out his boom box and sets in a cassette tape. He sets the volume to the maximum setting. He holds the boom box over his head as Peter Gabriel’s “In Your Eyes” starts playing.

Dick: BABS!!!!

He waits out there for a few minutes until she opens up the window and leans out of it.

Barbara: You Dick!

The song ends and starts playing “I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing” from Aerosmith.

Dick: BABS! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! PLEASE TALK TO ME!

Neighbor 1: GO HOME!

Dick: I’M DOING THIS FOR LOVE!

Neighbor 2: LOVE IS DEAD YOU SCHMUCK!

Dick: YOU’RE HEART IS DEAD!

Neighbor 3: SHUT THE FUCK UP KID!

Jim Gordon: DICK, IT IS 5 AM! GO THE FUCK HOME!

Dick: FINE!

The next night

Dick walks up to the door to the Gordon family’s apartment. He knocks on the door and Jim opens the door.

Dick: Hey Jim, I was sorta expecting Babs to open the door.

Jim: *looks at the cards in Dick’s hands* Just take a hint kid. You’re making this harder than it needs to be.

Dick: I’m persistent, it’s part of my charm.

Jim: Whatever. *shuts the door*

A minute late Barbara opens the door.

Dick: *holding the cards*

Barbara: They’re facing you.

Dick: *looks down and flips the cards around* “Babs, I know I messed things up by *flips the card* not telling you Helena was staying at the *flips the card* mansion. I want you to know that you are *flips the card*

Barbara: *shuts the door on Dick*

Dick: I still have twenty-something cards left. At least finish reading them.

Two days later at the grocery store

Barbara is walking down the aisle looking for food. The music playing over the speakers as a voice replaces the music.

Dick: You’re just to good to be true. Can’t take my eyes off of you. You'd be like Heaven to touch. I wanna hold you so much. 

Barbara starts looking around the store for Dick and sees him leaning against a wall with one of the phones.

Dick: *notices Barbara and points to hear and then makes a heart with his hands* At long last, love has arrived. And I thank God I'm alive. You're just too good to be true. Can't take my eyes off of you. *plays the instrumental part on his phone*

A store employee now spots Dick and heads towards him.

Dick: I love you, baby. And if it's quite alright. *struggles to keep possession of the phone* Get away, you’ll sing next. I need you baby *still fighting for the phone* To warm the lonely night. *starts climbing between the wall and the refrigerated section* I love you, baby. Trust in me when I say.

Barbara starts walking away embarrassed.

Dick: Oh, pretty baby, wait Babs, where you going? Babs? Babs? BAAABBS! LET ME ME LOVE YOUUUUU!

Daily Briefing

Dick: Okay, while things are a bit peaceful now, they’re not going to stay that way forever. Let’s try to plan ahead now and see if we can recruit any former members of Batman Inc. Tim, Steph, and Duke, you guys need to try and convince Luke to come out of retirement. Kate and Babs you go try and convince Bette to join us in Gotham.

Jason: What are the rest of us doing?

Dick: Selina, Jason, Harper, Cass, and Damian will patrol and hand out mask later today....

Harper: Cool, glad I can finally do something!

Jason: Got it!

Dick: And I will be sulking in my room!

Damian: Try again, Grayson.

Dick: I will be on patrol and handing out mask as Nightwing! Julia will be on monitor duty and Helena, tonight you’ll be on sanitation duty.

Helena: *sexually* Whatever you say.

Selina: Oh god!

Duke: Please stop!

Tim: There is a child present!

Jason: *Laughs hysterically* Am I the only one who still thinks this is funny?

Stephanie: Apparently so!

Dick: Alright, let’s get moving.

Tim, Duke, Stephanie, and Luke

Tim: Damn, it’s nice to finally be out of the mansion!

Duke: We were on patrol almost every night.

Tim: Yeah, but as Red Robin, not Tim Drake.

Stephanie: I mean, I guess that’s true.

Tim: *knocks on the door* 

Luke: *opens the door* Hey guys, it’s been a while!

Tim: Hey Luke, how have you been!

Luke: Not bad, Tim! What about you guys?

Tim: Could be better!

Stephanie: Not bad!

Duke: Send help!

Luke: Their dysfunction has gotten to you I’m assuming?

Duke: Maybe.

Tim and Stephanie: We’re not dysfunctional!!!

Luke: Relax! I’m talking about the others.

Tim: Kay, coolcoolcool.

Stephanie: Yeah, the others are pretty dysfunctional.

Luke: Anyways, come on in guys. Take a seat in the living room.

All three walk in and sit in the living room.

Tim: Okay I’m going to cut straight to the point, things aren’t going to be so peaceful for so long. It’s only a matter of time until the Joker pops up with a futuristic Batsuit or some dude comes in with a plan to destroy Batman in multiple ways.

Luke: I’m not coming out of retirement, Tim.

Stephanie: Why not?

Luke: Because I can’t stand to go back being some vigilante trying to save the city. I mean don’t you guys get tired of feeling like the weight of this city is pressing down on you every time you put on that mask.

Tim: Yeah, but I mean it’s not that bad.

Luke: When was the last time you slept.

Tim: Like 6 hours. Plus 2 days.

Luke: That’s my point! This is a thankless job that you guys work your ass off for.

Duke: Yeah coming here may have been a mistake. Let’s go guys, Luke’s not coming back.

Stephanie: Why not stay here Duke. I mean, Luke is right. We risk our lives to save some fucks who don’t give two shits whether we live or die. Sure they’d be sad if we did, but they would only be sad because that would mean they’d have to actually defend themselves!

Tim: Yeah, that is a great point!

Stephanie: Woooo let’s get hammered, this is my retirement party fuckers!

Luke: You’re not drinking alcohol! You’re under age!

Stephanie: Whatever! *stands up and walks out the door*

Duke: Tim, let’s go!

Tim: Yeah, I mean it’s probably about time I retired too!

Duke: Damn it!

Damian and Jon

Damian sets up a zoom call with Jon

Damian: Hey, Kent.

Jon: Hey, Wayne.

Damian: Why must you mock me?

Jon: Why must you mock me?

Damian: Goodbye!

Jon: No, wait, I want attention!!!!

Damian: Works like a charm. How’s it going over there?

Jon: Not bad, it’s super boring. I wish I had 50 people staying at my place.

Damian: No you don’t! It is awful. I want to punch Drake constantly, Grayson is always trying to hand out hugs, Todd tried to kill me!

Jon: The hugs don’t sound....

Damian: Row turned my knife into an electric razor...

Jon: How...

Damian: Kyle keeps trying to bond with me, Cain tried to stab me because I stole a waffle from her, Bertinelli and her lust for Grayson is annoying! Honestly, Pennyworth and Thomas are the only ones who haven’t managed to piss me off.

Jon: You know what, I take back what I said earlier.

Damian: Wise choice.

Jon: Hey, remember the time your dad almost adopted me?

Jason: *talking in the hallway*

Damian: That was funny. Hey I got to go, I’m about to go on patrol.

Jon: During the day, I thought you guys were nocturnal.

Damian: No, we are not. We’ll talk later.

Jon: See ya!

Damian: Bye. *rushes to the door to see if he could hear Jason*

Jason: I’ll see you there. *walks off*

Damian: *walks out of his room and sees Selina* 

Selina: Hey Dami, you ready to go on patrol?

Damian: Actually, we have a change in plans.

Nightwing

Nightwing: *sees a kid walking by without a mask, he squats down and waves* Hey what’s up little dude!

Little kid: *runs away from parents and hugs Nightwing*

Parent: Hey! Sorry, we’re still trying to get him to understand what social distancing is.

Nightwing: It’s okay, he’s young, he’ll eventually get the idea. I see that someone lost their mask though! Do you like super heroes kiddo!

Little kid: *nods excitedly* Batgirl is my favorite!

Nightwing: Really! Batgirl is my favorite, too! Hey, let’s get you another mask buddy! *reaches into the box of mask he has and hands a Batgirl mask to the parent to put on the kid’s face*

Parent: Thank you so much! *puts the mask on the little kids face*

Nightwing: No problem! Stay safe! *waits a bit longer and puts in an earbud*

Nightwing: *sees another guy not wearing a mask* Hey, how about we wear a mask buddy!

Guy: Piss off!

Nightwing: Come on. Let’s try to think about everyone else.

Guy: Who cares! If I get the virus I won’t die! It’s only the old people who are dying! 

Nightwing: Okay, please tell me your joking.

Guy: I mean, you don’t really see much other people dying.

Nightwing: If you pay attention to the statistics you would see that there are other people who are 20, 30, 40 years old and dying from this virus! Can you just put the mask on?

Guy: Hell no, it’s uncomfortable for me!

Nightwing: UNCOMFORTABLE FOR YOU! I HAVE TO WEAR ONE FOR LEGIT MOST OF THE DAY. OUR CITIES FIRST RESPONDERS MUST WEAR ONE TO DO THEIR DAMN JOBS. NO ONE, ESPECIALLY ME OR ANY NURSE, FIREMAN, POLICE OFFICER, ET CETERA, CARES IF IT BOTHERS YOU! PUT ON THE DAMN MASK!!!

Guy: Damn. *starts walking away*

Nightwing: *grabs cologne* Sir, don’t make me do this.

Guy: Do what? Bit......

Nightwing: *sprays cologne all over the guys face*

Guy: pffft. pfffffftt. 

Nightwing: I bet you’d like a mask now!

Guy: YOU FUCKING SON OF A

Nightwing: *spays the cologne at his face again* Hey! *throws a mask at the guy* No profanity! There’s kids around. Put on the mask, too. 

Guy: *puts the mask on reluctantly and walks away* Stupid vigilante in this stupid damn city. Hate this damn place.

Nightwing: *watches him walk away for a bit* Never thought I’d take a page out of Jay’s book.

Julia: Nightwing, need you over in Gotham Heights. There’s a.... *clears throat*..... situation over there. I’m sending you the coordinates now.

Nightwing: On my way! *takes off firing the grappling hook into the side of a building as he takes off*

Jason

Jason walks towards the house, checking his surroundings to see if any of his “family” members followed him. Fortunate for him, Dick is preoccupied with his thoughts and Damian and Selina left after he did.

He opens the door and walks inside of his safe house. He then sits down, takes off his helmet, sets it down on the table, and turns on the tv to watch Supernatural. Not long after Roy walks downstairs.

Roy: What’s up Jaybird?

Jason: Not much Roy.

Roy then sits down on the couch next to him to watch with him.

Roy: Is it just me or would Jensen Ackles be the perfect person to play you if there was to ever be a movie about you?

Jason: I KNOW, RIGHT!!!! Hey do you want to order some pizza?

Roy: Sure!

Roy begins to pull out his phone when they hear a knock at the door.

Jason: Hide! 

Roy: Hey it’s my safe house, too!

Jason: It’s my city! Hide!

Roy begins to hide as Jason looks outside the door to see Damian and Selina outside the door. 

Jason: *opens the door* Hey Catwoman, Robin! What are you guys doing here?

Damian: More importantly, what are you doing here?

Jason: Following up on a lead. I saw a very shady guy leave here so I’m looking for some evidence.

Selina: Are those your guns on the counter? And your helmet and phone on the table?

Jason: No.

Damian: Then where’s your guns?

Jason: Okay, I hate to admit it, but I came across a dog and decided to pet it, then it bit the barrel of both guns and ran off.

Selina: Mmmmhhhmmmm and why don’t I believe you?

Jason: Because everyone but Duke has trust issues.

Damian: Give it up, Todd.

Jason: Give what up?

Damian: *walks over to the closet and opens the door*

Roy: Woah, how the hell did I get here!

Jason: *shakes his head*

Tim, Duke, Stephanie, and Luke

Duke: Dude, you broke Tim and Steph.

Luke: No I didn’t!

Duke: Really because we came here to try and convince you to be Batwing again and yet you somehow got them both to decide to retire!

Luke: So, they should! They deserve it. No kid should have to deal with that kind of stress!

Duke: Dude, we live in Gotham freaking City. Stress is literally stuff we learn in 6th grade because our parents need us to get jobs!

Luke: You had to get a job in 6th grade?

Duke: Oh right, sorry I forgot you all are rich! Hey, where’s Steph and Tim?

Luke: Outside somewhere.

Duke: DUDE!!!! WE HAVE TO FIND THEM!!!!!!

Luke: They’ll be fine!

Duke: Whatever. *walks towards the door* If you change your mind, you know where to call. *he walks out the door*

____

Tim: *grabs a helium tank* Hey Steph!

Stephanie: *turns around*

Tim: *pulls down the mask and inhales the helium* I am vengeance, I am the night, I am BATMAN!

Stephanie: O-M-G!!! That is amazing!

Jason, Roy, Damian, and Selina

Selina: So again, Jason, what are you doing here?

Jason: Trying to get away from you people! Do you know how often I want to shoot Dick alone from all of the stupid stuff he does! 

Damian: Yes!

Jason: You’re no better. You can not adopt stray animals every week!

Damian: They can catch the virus, too! They need a home!

Jason: They have one! In the wild somewhere!

Selina: What’s your point?

Jason: I needed a place to escape you idiots at the mansion. There’s only so much I can take before I break B’s no killing rule.

Damian: Then why is Harper here?

Roy: Jaybird has been my emotional support person since Kori left Earth for Tamaran.

Selina: I can see that.

Damian: Is this where you’ve been every single patrol?

Jason: Not every one. Only when I get sick of you all. 

Selina: Everyday!!!!

Roy: *laughs uncontrollably*

Jason: Not everyday!!! Look, this is why I need this place, because I can’t stand you fuckers!!! Get out of my house!

Damian: How did you even pay for this place?

Jason: I USED TO KILL PEOPLE FOR A LIVING!!!!

Selina: Jason, your not supposed to even be here. We need to leave now.

Jason: Yes you fucking should!

Selina: I meant all of us!

Jason: Good luck with that! You’ll have to drag me out.

Damian: Just watch us do it!

Roy: This is getting a bit personal, I’m gunna grab my bow and leave.

Jason: Stay Roy!

Roy: Okay, I’ll stay!

Selina: How are we so awful? What is it that we do that bothers you so much?

Jason: I don’t want to talk about it!

Selina: What is it?

Jason: You guys make me want to actually be a part of the family! You guys care for me, and make fun of me *starts crying* and make me laugh, and it’s not fucking fair!

Selina: Jason..... I’m.... I’m sorry. Why are you crying?

Jason: Because this shit has always been unfamiliar to me! Family has always been fucked up for me before Bruce. When he took me in I didn’t know how to feel because at that point my life was filled with rage, sadness, and confusion. *sits down on the couch* Then came in Dick, who at first made me feel at home with how much he hated the fact that I replaced him, until a few months go by for him to accept me as a brother he never had. Then I fuckin’ died!

Selina: *sits down next to Jason* It’s okay if you want some time away from us, I understand now that this is new. We won’t ever stop loving you Jason. If you ever need a break from us then I’ll cover for you, just don’t be out for too long.

Jason: Thanks Selina.

Roy: *starts humming Love Is A Battlefield*

Selina: Are you humming Love Is A Battlefield?

Jason: He is so humming Pat Benatar right now.

Roy: No, you’re all just hearing things.

Damian: Who’s Pat Benatar?

Jason: Okay, GET OUT!!!!

Selina: *rushes themselves out the door* Let’s go Dami, we’ve overstayed our welcome!

Damian: But my phone!

Roy and Jason: GET OUT!

Tim and Stephanie

Stephanie: *dancing in a strangers house* Woooo!!!

Tim: *break dancing to “Dirrty” in the middle of a dance circle*

Stephanie: *nudges the person next to her* I’m friends with that guy!

Stranger: Nice!

Stephanie: I know right!

Tim: *steps out of the dance circle* Hey!

Stephanie: How many Red Bulls did you have?

Tim: How many legs does a wolf-tigark have.

Stephanie: What!

Tim: I’m super fucked up!

Stephanie: Same! Wanna have sex?

Tim: Sure!

Duke, Cassandra, and Harper

Duke: Hey, Harper! Do you remember that time you were totally surrounded by the Riddler’s henchmen and I swooped in and saved you, and you were like “Thanks dude! You’re the best! I totally owe you one!”

Harper: Yes, I remember part of that being true!

Duke: Well, I need you to return that favor and you can not tell any of the others. I lost Tim and Stephanie and need help finding them.

Harper: What the hell Duke! How did this happen?

Duke: Well, Luke broke Tim and Steph, causing them to decide to retire, then they disappeared.

Harper: Okay, Orphan and I will be right there after we take down these two drug dealing pimps!

Duke: Thank you!

Harper: *hangs up the phone* Okay, let’s take care of this Orphan!

They both jump down landing a kick to their chest. Harper then grabbed her dudes arm and broke his wrist, finally stomping on his face, knocking the dude out. Cass walked towards her guy reaching down and throwing him against a wall, then kicking his back.

Nightwing

Nightwing: *arrives at the apartment door*

Boyfriend: YOU STUPID BITCH! WHY CAN’T YOU DO ANYTHING RIGHT! 

Girlfriend: *through tears* I’m sorry!

Boyfriend: *slaps the girlfriend* SHUT UP BITCH!

Nightwing: *knocks on the door*

Boyfriend: *opens door* Can I help you?

Nightwing: Yes hi. I was walking around the neighborhood and wanted to know if you wanted to donate to the charity of whoop-ass?

Boyfriend: Not interested. *tries to close the door*

Nightwing: *pushes the door open* Hold on, you need to hear the rest of my pitch! *kicks the boyfriend in the chest* 

Girlfriend: *still crying* NO! PLEASE STOP!

Nightwing: Wha-

Boyfriend: *tries to throws a few punch at Nightwing’s face*

Nightwing: *drops to the floor and goes for a flare, sweeping the boyfriend off his feet*

The sound of sirens is heard out side.

Nightwing: *temporarily distracted by the sirens*

Boyfriend: *gets up* YOU CALLED THE COPS! YOU UNGRATEFUL GOOD FOR NOTHING BITCH! *tries to punch his girlfriend*

Nightwing: *catches his fist* Not gunna happen. *tosses the boyfriend against the wall and has him put his hands over his head*

Police Officer: G-C-P-D! GET YOUR..... Oh, Nightwing? How random seeing one of you guys here. Like always. *goes in to arrest the boyfriend*

Nightwing: *kneels down to where the girlfriend is sitting and takes note of the cuts and marks on her arms* Are you okay?

Girlfriend: I-*sob* I don’t *sob* know what *sob* I did *sob* wrong?

Nightwing: You did nothing wrong. Everything will be okay. Did he hit you?

Girlfriend: *nods her head yes*

Nightwing: Where did he hit you?

Girlfriend: *looks up to reveal a black eye and cuts on her face* My *sob* face, arms *sob*, stomach. *buries her head in her arms and starts to cry even harder*

Nightwing: Hey, it’s going to be okay. It’s all going to be okay. 

Nightwing tries the best he can to comfort the girl before the EMT arrived. After that he stuck around for a bit to give a statement of what happened when he arrived and to make sure everything was fine before he left.

Duke, Stephanie, Tim, Harper, and Cassandra

Stephanie: *wakes up* Ugh. My head! *she looks over at Tim and smiles as she gets out of the bed*

Tim: *starts to wake* Ow! *sees Stephanie* Hey!

Stephanie: Hey! 

Tim: *sits up on the bed*

Stephanie: Look about what happened, can we agree it was a drunk mistake.

Tim: Yeah! *rubs the back of his head and stands up close to Stephanie* I’m sorry, I can’t pretend! *he pulls her in and kisses her* I really like you!

Stephanie: I like you, too.

Tim: Wanna crawl back under the covers again for a bit?

Stephanie: Absolutely!

____

Desk Clerk: Thank you, hope you enjoyed your stay!

Tim: We certainly did, thank you! *both Stephanie and Tim walk out the door and see Duke, Cassandra, and Harper* 

Stephanie: Hey, you found us!

Duke: Get in the car!

Harper: Spent most of the night looking for you suckers until we saw that Tim used his credit card to purchase a hotel room there! 

Tim: We’re sorry you had to go searching for us!

Duke: Also, if you are even still thinking about retiring, you’re going to have to tell Bruce yourself.

Stephanie: We’re not retiring. We probably just thought it was a good idea because we were both sleep deprived.

Duke: Good, because I didn’t want to see Bruce lose his shit!

Dick and Julia/Dick and Jason

Back at the Batcave

Julia: How did it go?

Dick: Rough. That building was well into Harper’s sector though, why did you have me take care of it?

Julia: I think you know why.

Dick: *thinks for a moment* Because of the way I’ve been reacting to my breakup with Bab’s.

Julia: If you stopped thinking of how to win her back for one second, you would see that she is most likely suffering as much as you are. 

Dick: I understand. I’m going to head upstairs. Don’t stay down here much longer, that’s an order.

Julia: Are you still entitled to give orders?

Dick: I still get to wear the cowl, don’t I?

Julia: Fair enough.

Dick quickly showers and heads upstairs.

Jason: Hey, Dickwad. Over here.

Dick: Sup, Jay?

Jason: Follow me.

Jason leads Dick to the parking garage and into one of Bruce’s cars and drives to the safe house.

Jason: Welcome, to the safe house. I heard you had a rough day so I thought it would be worth it to take you here. Wayne house free zone so feel free to cry, let out your feeling, whatever you need to do to process this. I’ll wait in the car.

Dick: *crying* Jay.

Jason: Yeah.

Dick: *hugs Jason* Thank you!

Jason: No problem. If you tell Bruce, I will end you though.

Dick: Got it!

While I try to make these stories for the most part humorous and entertaining, domestic violence is a very serious topic. Since quarantine, domestic violence rates have gone up. If you or some one you know is in an abusive relationship or has found themselves in one since quarantine began, don’t hesitate to call the Domestic Violence Support hotline at 1 (800) 799 7233. You can also go to thehotline.org to contact them.

If someone you know has just left an abusive relationship (boyfriend/girlfriend, husband/wife, parent/child) remember to be there for them. Allow them to talk but don’t force them too if they don’t want to. Make sure not to bash the guilty party and respond about them neutrally. Most of all, make sure to let them know that they are still loved, and that they are still the same person, even if they feel that they are not.

I will be reblogging this message on my blog. I ask you to please share and reblog as much as you can.

[pluckyredhead]

wip amnesty: super sons fake dating (but different)

So while I was working on It Wouldn’t Be Make Believe (If You Believed In Me), my brain abruptly gave me a completely different Super Sons fake dating scenario, insisted that I write two scenes, and then abandoned me entirely. There is like a 1% chance that I will ever finish this so instead I offer it up to you, my very patient friends. (Don’t worry, I have different Jon/Damian fics planned!)

Also, this completely ignores the Bendis run, because...well, you know why. SIGH.

-

Damian cast a weary eye over the guests assembled at the gala, the latest tribute of the Gotham elite to their own wealth and frivolity. He wasn’t even sure what this one was ostensibly raising money for, but he had a feeling most of that money had gone into the refreshments and entertainment rather than the intended charitable recipients.

He hated these things, but Father was in space with the Justice League, Richard was undercover, Drake was on Earth-3, and Todd was just generally unsuitable for public consumption. Once again it fell to Damian, as the heir to the Wayne name, to carry the entire family on his shoulders. He usually didn’t mind, except when it took the form of wearing a tuxedo and making small talk with empty-headed socialites.

Maybe the Riddler or someone would show up and try to steal everyone’s jewelry. That would be a pleasing diversion.

He saw Gracie Van Nuyck, daughter of one of the few Gotham families older than the Waynes, making her way over to him and quickly took out his phone. He was meant to be the latest irresponsible Wayne playboy; he could be rude and spend a whole party texting and not talking to anyone as long as he kept a stupid expression on his face.

He already had a few texts from Jon, he saw when he unlocked his phone.

giant kraken attacking honolulu

titans & i r teleporting over

u in?

Damian clicked his tongue.

I know you’re overriding your autocorrected capitalization to irritate me.

And I can’t. I have to attend this gala.

sucks 2 b u �� 🐠 🐬

“Damian Wayne.” Gracie had not been put off by his texting - in fact, she had her own phone in her hand. Damian dimly remembered that she’d once told him she was an “influencer.” She had influenced him pretty strongly to get as far away from her as possible, so he supposed she was good at what she did. “Look at you, all dressed up and looking like a snack.”

“Gracie,” he said. “Nice to see you.” He did not attempt to make it convincing, or glance up from his phone more than briefly.

Trust me, I’m aware. Everyone here is an imbecile and none of the hors d'oeuvres are vegetarian.

“Do you like my dress?” Gracie asked, giving a little twirl.

“Lovely.” Damian did not have Richard’s ability to give genuine compliments, or even Father’s ability to fake them well. It didn’t deter Gracie in the slightest.

“I have a proposition for you, you beautiful boy,” she said.

“I’m the same age as you.”

that blows. what about the orderbs?

Damian fought a smile. I also know you know how hors d’oeuvres is pronounced.

😂 😂 😉

“What’s that smile for?” Gracie asked.

Damian forced his facial expression back to neutral. “What’s your proposition?”

She held up her hands like she was illuminating a marquee. “Gotham’s new dream couple: Dacie. Or we could be Gramian, I guess, but that sounds horrible.”

“Excuse me?”

“You and me, joining forces,” she said. “Me and my millions and my beautiful body, you and your millions and your beautiful body...we’d be the toast of the glitterati.”

“You want to date me,” Damian said, flatly, disbelievingly. This was what Father and Richard’s inability to resist a pretty face had brought him to: being literally propositioned at parties by socialites who thought every Wayne was an easy mark.

“I want to date you,” she agreed. “It must be your lucky day. Well, night.”

Damian stared at her for a long moment, just enough to let it become uncomfortable. “No,” he said finally, and turned back to his phone.

once weve kicked this things ass i bet i can bring u some shave ice before it melts

Bring the kraken instead. It can eat everyone here.

“No?” Gracie repeated.

“No, thank you,” Damian said, as a sop to good manners.

He glanced up. She looked bewildered. It might be the first time she’d ever been told no in her life. “Why not?”

“I’m seeing someone,” he said. Totally untrue, but a reason she couldn’t argue with.

Not that she didn’t try. “Oh? Who’s the lucky girl?” she asked, her expression calculating.

Damian raised an eyebrow. “Not sure why you would assume pronouns,” he said, more to wrong foot her than anything else, though it was true that gender didn’t make much difference to him. He disliked most people equally.

Her eyes widened before she recovered herself. “My apologies,” she said. “Do I know...uh, them?”

Damian’s phone buzzed in his hand. It was a selfie of Jon, with Billy and Lian pulling faces behind him and a tentacle snaking through the air above their heads. Idiots. He fought another smile.

Stop taking selfies before you get drowned.

“It’s a long distance relationship,” he said. The last thing he needed was Gracie tracking down Colin or Maya or someone and pestering them.

no its cool we made friends with it

i gave it ur shave ice

sorry

“Oh?” Gracie asked. “Where do they live?”

Out of the corner of his eye Damian could see that she seemed to be on her phone too, so he felt even less bad about ignoring her. “Metropolis,” he said, because it was the first city he thought of. You traitor, he texted Jon.

“Innnteresting,” she said. “Well, it was worth a shot. See you around, hot stuff.” She brushed a kiss in the air near his cheek and sauntered off.

Damian blinked. That had been...relatively painless. Maybe the whole night would go by so quickly and easily.

He checked the time. Three and a half hours to go.

Tt.

*

Jon had heard the noise before he stepped outside, but he hadn’t really processed it. Metropolis was a noisy city, and if there were no gunshots or cries for help, he had gotten pretty good at tuning it out.

Which was why he was so surprised when he walked out of his apartment building to be confronted with a sea of reporters flashing cameras at him.

“Jon!”

“Jon Kent!”

“Jon, over here!”

His heart stopped. Had they somehow found out he was Superboy? Which meant they knew about Dad, and Mom was probably in danger, and all of his friends, and…

“Jon, long have you and Damian Wayne been dating?”

What?

“Back off, you vultures! Leave him alone!” Uncle Jimmy emerged from the crowd, red-faced and disheveled. He put one hand in front of Jon’s face and the other on his shoulder. “No comment! He has no comment! Come on, Jon, back inside.”

Thoroughly baffled, Jon allowed Uncle Jimmy to steer him back into the building.

“Hey, Frank, don’t let any of them in unless Mr. or Mrs. Lane-Kent says it’s cool, okay?” Uncle Jimmy said to the doorman.

Frank, who Jon had known since they moved here when he was ten, put his imposing frame in front of the door. “Absolutely not,” he said.

“Thanks, Frank,” Jon managed, and waited until he and Jimmy were in the elevator and out of sight of the reporters. “What the heck is going on?”

“You’re a social media sensation, kiddo,” Uncle Jimmy said, and held up his phone to display a picture of Damian wearing a tuxedo and looking elegantly bored. “Apparently Bruce Wayne’s kid told someone called ‘GraceFace’ that he was dating a boy who lived in Metropolis, and she told her three million Instagram followers. A bunch of them found this photo.” He swiped to show a slightly blurry picture of Jon and Damian in Centennial Park, clearly taken on a cell phone by someone moving quickly. Jon remembered that day but hadn’t realized anyone had recognized Damian, though it did happen. “And someone figured out your name.”

“And assumed I’m the boy Damian is dating in Metropolis,” Jon said, putting it together. “Wait. Is he dating someone in Metropolis? Did he mean me? Why would he say we were dating?”

Uncle Jimmy held up a finger. “No, first question before that: how the hell do you know Damian Wayne?”

“Uh.” Jon paused. Uncle Jimmy knew all about him and Dad, since he was basically Dad’s best friend, but not any Gotham secret identities, and Jon was pretty sure both Damian and Mr. Wayne wanted to keep it that way.

Uncle Jimmy’s eyes flicked to the counter that showed what floor they were on. “And before we get to your apartment...any chance you want to give me the exclusive on this saga of young love?”

Jon’s mouth dropped open. “Uncle Jimmy!”

“What? I’m a reporter, it’s in my blood!”

“I’m telling my mom you asked me that.”

“No, please, tell your dad. He can only heat vision me or throw me out the window. Either way it’ll be quick.”

“Yeah, that’s why I’m telling Mom.”

[today-only-happens-once]

remote learning for the teacher!au

Y’all remember my teacher!AU? Yeah, so headcanons about them trying to do remote learning:

This got LONG so now it’s under a cut!

Logan:

As he would say, it is “not his preferred method of teaching”. He tries to take some comfort from students that are performing better academically since going online, but there’s also a number of students that start struggling a lot more, so it mostly balances out. 

Lots of videos of him explaining things because he knows the kids are used to his explanations and he doesn’t like most other online options.

Daily assignments that are pretty small in scope because he believes it to be a better way to encourage routine and pacing for his students rather than trying to do Big Things over a long period of time

Is usually at least a little bit frustrated with the circumstance because he is not as effective this way

and Logan likes hands-on learning as much as he can, but he can’t with remote learning and that’s super frustrating

A part of him is maybe a little bit jealous of the teachers of younger grades that can do fun at-home science stuff. High school chem and physics is harder. The experiments he was going to run with his classes can’t be done at home because of the chemicals involved. 

Logan gets a lot more lenient with deadlines because he knows that some kids have challenges at home and/or technology limitations that will impact a student’s ability to get work in on time. He still has deadlines, but if a kid gets work in late? Accepted for full credit. No questions asked. 

Generally is pretty on-top-of-it for grading because that’s what he spends most of his during-school-hours doing when he’s not responding to emails or using one-on-one video calls with students who need extra help

He doesn’t say it very often, but he misses his students so much

Has not cried, but he has gotten upset to the point of needing to literally walk it off. He goes on walks after the school day hours are over to clear his head and give himself a break. 

Roman:

If Logan “Doesn’t Prefer It”, Roman just flat out hates it

Spring musical was canceled a week before it was supposed to go on, which was devastating for Roman. He keeps in contact with his theater kiddos, tho, and plans for some cast meet ups via video chat. Some end-of-the-year stuff. 

Has definitely cried multiple times. 

For teaching specifically, Roman can’t stand it. His English classrooms are very collaborative and discussion-driven and he hates that he’s had to basically resort to mostly “read this and answer questions” kinds of assignments. 

He also starts to feel wildly inadequate as a teacher, but Logan is there to remind him that this is exceptional circumstances to be teaching in and Roman is doing everything he can to be of help and continue the learning of his students, and that’s all he can be fairly expected to do right now. Cognitive distortions and all that. 

He’s done a few small things to mix it up, but he doesn’t want to become too unpredictable because he knows a lot of his kids need routine and predictability in this very uncertain time. 

He does a once-every-handful-of-weeks “check in question” assignment where students write a small (or long if they want) response to a general “how are you doing?” kind of question. Just as a way for Roman to let them know he cares and check in about his students mental and emotional well-being because like. It’s easier when you see them every day in person, and much harder when you never see them at all.

He hosts weekly optional video call meetings with his classes, and that helps. They chat and play some review games. But Roman feels a little better, being able to get eyes on his kiddos and see their faces. 

Roman misses his students and the theater kids so much and tells them so when he’s feeling especially emotional (nothing over-the-top dramatic, but once in a while on his daily online posts, he’ll add “missing you all!”)

Once a student commented “Miss you too, Mr. Prince! Have a great weekend!” on a Friday reminder post from him where he ended with “missing you all” and Roman got unexpectedly emotional about it. 

Roman gets super involved in all the senior-send-off things the school tries to do to compensate for no in-person graduation, no prom, etc. Since he teaches freshmen and seniors, he’s got a soft spot for them. 

Patton

Yeah, he’s not a fan. He recognizes that it’s necessary, but it’s so so hard to do his job as an IS teacher when he can’t be there with the kids. 

It also takes away his favorite part of his job--which is regular, daily interaction with his kiddos. 

Patton makes lots of phone calls and sets up video conferences with his kids and their families, but it’s still not the same, y’know?

He does his best though. He tries. And when he starts to feel inadequate too, Logan helps with that also.

Patton cries sometimes. He cries for his students and for the seniors and for the state of the world. But he tries to look on the bright side as well. He reminds himself and his students that social distancing is how a community takes care of itself, so isn’t this whole thing actually kind of cool? The level of collaboration born out of care and love? And he focuses on some hobbies to keep himself busy, asks the kids what they’re doing in their free time to check in on them and will chat with them for a bit about their interests, etc. 

He misses the school and his students so much it physically hurts sometimes, but he tries to keep moving forward. 

Virgil

Basically at his wits end in terms of stress.

Emotionally, Virgil fluctuates between “seething and misdirected anger” (never at students but like. Logan has had to stop him from yelling at their neighbors who had some people over once instead of social distancing) and “mental and emotional flight in the form of every distraction he can find” 

Teaching-wise... like I said. He’s stressed.

Because he’s an art teacher, right? And he does a lot of hands-on art because that’s the kind of art that he finds interesting and helpful in terms of managing his anxiety which is one reason why he went into art education in the first place.

But now he’s gotta find a way to make basically all of his art units that remain for the year some kind of digital peice

Which is fine, he guesses, because he does know how to teach digital art. It’s actually one of his classes that he teaches. But all of them have to be digital now, and some kids have more resource access than others, and... it’s a mess.

Virgil struggles with similar cognitive distortions to Roman. Logan and Patton both help him out with that when it gets bad. 

He’s almost always listening to music or watching something or making something because doing something constantly--even if its just watching something--helps him from feeling useless and/or helpless which then helps him manage his anxiety.

He adopts Roman’s “regular check in question” thing and does that with his own kids. that also eases a level of his anxiety that he hadn’t even realized he’d had--anxiety manifesting from worry about his students that he no longer got to see every day, and some of whom he knew would have a rough time not getting to come to school every day. 

[steves-on-a-plane]

Right There

Avengers Endgame Challenge Words: 2921 Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Guest Staring: Brother!Clint Barton x Sister!Reader Requested: Anon  Prompt: Bucky Barnes & #18: “Sometimes, the thing you’ve been looking for your whole life is right there beside you all along.” (Guardians Of the Galaxy Vol 2)  A/N: This story was one hell of a journey. It took me almost the entire day to write and while the beginning is a little agnsty, the ending is worth it. At least I think so. 

“Hey relax. They’re gonna love you.” Your brother, Clint, nudged you playfully. You were walking up the path to the Avengers Compound’s front door together. It was your first day in your new, probably temporary home. A home that Clint had found for you.

“Of course they’ll love me! I’m the better Barton.” You teased.

“Huh, I always thought that was Laura.” He joked with you. “But honestly kiddo you’re looking a little green.”

“It’s probably the morning sickness.” You explained, rubbing your distended abdomen. “Plus it was a long car ride and it’s a pretty winding driveway. I’m feeling a little nauseous.”

“Alright, let’s get you inside. Then you can rest.” Clint swiped his ID badge through a reader adjacent to  the front door. He typed a six digit code into the corresponding keypad and the door responded with a pleasant chirp. “Tony told me the others would be waiting for us in the conference room, but we can stop and get you some crackers or something first if you want.”

“Are you sure they’re on board with this? I mean I know you said they were nice people but no one is letting a pregnant stranger live in your high security base of operations nice.” You bit your lip. Clint blinked down at you. Biting your lip had been a nervous habit of yours since you were kids and sometimes it was hard for him to remember that you weren’t that helpless little girl anymore. He just wanted to hold you and tell you everything was going to be all right.

“Listen, [Y/N], you know I’ve never been one for kumbaya or drinking the kool-aid, but we spent a lot of our lives looking for a place where we would belong. It took me marrying Laura and meeting these guys to understand that sometimes, the thing you’ve been looking for your whole life, is right there beside you all along.”

“Are you saying that I should get married and by a farm?” You asked him playfully.

“No.” He offered you a playful smirk back. “I’m saying you have a chance at a fresh start here. Don’t miss out on being happy because your afraid to trust the people around you. People who already accept you for who you are.”

“did you get that off a greeting card or something?” You questioned, jabbing his ribs with one of your index fingers.

“No, that was all me. C’mon they’re waiting for us. Conference room is this way.” He said, waving you towards an offshoot corridor.

It was your third day living with the Avengers. So far the entire team had been nothing but hospitable to you. Each of them tactfully asking you questions about the baby’s due date and if you had any names picked out yet. They were all kind enough not to ask about the baby’s father or the exact details of how you’d come to live at the tower. All they’d been told was that you needed a place to live and with Clint’s three kids, the Barton family farmhouse was a little overcrowded these days.

While you were grateful to have a roof over your head, the idea of living at the compound rent free and responsibility free had not been sitting well with you. Even though the team had all adamantly insisted that you should be getting plenty of relaxation, you couldn’t help but feel restless. You wanted to do something to feel like you were contributing in some way. Even an insignificant way to thank them for helping you out so majorly would make you feel better.

You found your opportunity on Monday morning when you walked into the kitchen to find it looking disastrous. If you hadn’t know the facility was completely secure you would have suspected a battle had occurred in the room. There were coffee grinds everywhere. Across the counter, in the sink and even in the garbage disposal. A mound of dishes was piled from the sink to the nearest counter top and there seemed to be pancake mix cemented onto one corner of the counter island.

After scouring around for a little while you found all the cleaning supplies you would need and set to work. There was a dishwasher, so luckily that meant you didn’t have to scrub all the dishes by hand. You set to work unloading and reloading the dishwasher before doing anything else. The sink had to be empty of dishes before you could exterminate the coffee grinds.

“Do you do laundry to?” Your back was turned to the door and you hadn’t yet learned to identify the individual Avengers by their voices yet, so you turn around with a smile.

“I could get started on that once I’m done in here.” You offered. When you pivoted, you could finally identify the voice owner. “Sergeant Barnes.” You nodded in friendly greeting.

“The formalities aren’t necessary.” He waved you off as he slid into a seat at the breakfast bar. “Just Bucky will do. But I’m afraid I owe you an apology, I didn’t realize it was you, [Y/N]. Stark has maids that come four times a week, I wanted to see about signing up for their laundry service I know they do Steve’s and…”

“It’s all right Bucky.” You assured him. “I meant what I said, I’d be happy to do your laundry. I’ve been looking for things to do for these days.”

“I thought you were supposed to be resting.” He said. “At least that’s what Steve and Stark said when we had the team meeting the day you arrived. Now Rogers I could still take in a fight, but I’m not looking to get on Stark’s bad side or further onto his bad side I should say. He doesn’t like me very much.”

“So, you don’t need someone to do your laundry?” You asked, leaning back against the counter.

“Let’s not talk about me anymore. Tell me about you.” He suggested.

“There’s not much to tell.” You insisted. “What do you want to know?”

“How’s it going, kid?” Clint draped himself in your doorway. He was there for what had by this point become  a regularly scheduled visit. You’d been living with the Avengers for a few weeks not and had settled in quite nicely.

“Wasn’t the whole point of me staying here to keep me out of your hair?” You pointed out to him. “You’ve been by three times already this week, Clint. I’m fine.”

“I’m not here just to see you!” He protested. “I’ve been in the area…a lot.”

“It’s nice that you worry about me.” You thanked him. “But these people are your friends and they’re slowly becoming mine too. I’m safe here with them.”

“That’s what you told me about that no good ex-boyfriend of yours too.” He scoffed. “And where is he now?”

“Nice.” You huffed, suddenly hostile. You didn’t like having your mistake tossed back in your face.

“[Y/N], I’m sorry I didn’t mean…” Your brother clearly didn’t know you would take his joke so personally. He tried to apologize but you cut him off.

“Oh, I think you did.” You snapped at him. “Never miss a chance to take a shot do you, Hawkeye? Doesn’t matter if the target is a paper bullseye or your own sister!” You pushed past him and stormed out of the room without giving him a chance to backpedal. Wanting to put as much distance between you and your brother you stomped through the labyrinthine halls of the compound. You quickly wiped away tears as they brimmed over in your eyes, but still your vision became blurry.

“[Y/N]?” You blinked several times trying to place the face of the figure who’d just appeared in the hallway. “I heard you crying, what’s wrong?”

“Bucky.” You sniffled once your vision was cleared enough to see his handsome face properly. “Don’t mind me.” You pleaded.

“Don’t mind?” He repeated. “I can’t ignore my very pregnant friend who’s running down the halls crying.”

“It’s stupid.” You insisted. “Clint just said something he didn’t mean and I’m so emotional these days that it set me off. I’ll be alright.”

“Do you want me to beat him up for you?” He offered with uncertainty.

“That’s very kind, but unnecessary.” You chuckled.

“But I got you to laugh, so that’s something.” He smiled back. “Why don’t we take a walk, it’ll give you a chance to cool down. A nice trip through the garden always works for me. Would you like to join me?”

“I didn’t even know there was a garden.” You told him.

“Then let me be the one to show you around, but it’ll have to be our secret alright?” He said. “Otherwise everyone else will catch on and it won’t be quiet anymore.”

“Secret’s safe with me, Buck.” You promised.  

Over the months that followed, you and Bucky continued to develop a close friendship but unlikely friendship. It was unlikely because prior to your arrival at the compound Bucky had made it clear to his fellow Avengers that he wasn’t one for socializing. Yet for some reason he enjoyed your company more than his chosen loneliness. As the two of you grew closer,  the others started to take notice. Some were glad that you and Bucky both had someone to talk to while others, like your brother, began to worry.

“Hey, Cap, can I talk to you for a minute?” Clint approached Steve one afternoon while the super solider conducting his afternoon training session.

“You really want to do that right now?” Steve asked before delivering a deft uppercut to the punching bag in front of him.

“Sorry, but you’re a hard man to track down.” Clint shrugged.

“Yeah,” Steve smirked. “I guess I can be. What’s going on, Barton?”

“I want to talk to you about [Y/N] and Barnes. Be honest with me, how worried should I be?” He waited patiently for Steve’s answer.

“You know I forget sometimes, how Buck must look to everyone else.” Steve’s eyes glazed over as he thought of the past. “To me he’s still that kid from Brooklyn, fighting the fights I was too stupid to get myself out of.  I think Bucky’s intentions with your sister are entirely honorable, Clint. The Bucky I know, the real Bucky, he’d do anything to protect the people he cares about. And I can tell just by the way he looks at her that she’s special to him.”

“I hope so, Cap.” Clint frowned. “It was just the two of us for a long time, then I met Laura and we had kids. Things happened so fast, I’m afraid I let [Y/N] down in the process.”

“I don’t think that [Y/N] feels that way at all.” Steve shook his head. “Since she’s been living here all she does is talk about how supporting and understanding you’ve been with her situation. She’s grateful to have you in her life Clint, but since you asked my opinion, I think it might be time you stopped treating [Y/N] like your kid sister.”

“I’ll take that under advisement, Cap. Thanks.” Clint nodded. “I’ll let you get back to it.”

“It’s a nice day.” You said, casting your eyes to the sky. The sun was out. The temperature was warm but not too warm. There were clouds in the sky, but only enough to shield from the sun’s strong rays. It was a beautiful day. You and Bucky were sitting together in the rose garden, you usual hangout these days.

“It is.” Bucky agreed, stretching his long legs out. “ Not to put a damper on the mood, but have you given any thought to what you’re going to do once the baby is born?”

“Honestly?” You said, rubbing your very pregnant stomach. “No. The thought of bringing a living thing into the world is terrifying enough that when I think about any future plans, I only make it about as far as the delivery before panicking.”

“Well, I have an idea that might help relieve some of that terror.” Bucky pulled his legs back towards himself so that he was sitting straight up. He turned to look at you, his expression very serious. “Why don’t you move in with me? We could get a place you and me…”

“Buck, I don’t even have a job.” You countered.

“You don’t need a job.” He promised. “I’ll take care of you. We could buy a house near your brother and his family if you want or on the other side of the country. I don’t care, I just know that I don’t want you to go away.”

“Bucky, it’s a very generous offer but It’s not your responsibility to take care of me. It’s not Clint’s job either. I need to take responsibility for my own actions.” You told him.

“I’m sorry.” “Bucky apologized. “I’m not saying that you need someone to take care of you. Of course not. I know how important it is for modern women to feel equal in a relationship and the truth is, [Y/N], you take care of me. You do my laundry. You clean my room. You take walks with me. You talk to me. You understand me and you see me, Bucky Barnes. You don’t look at me and see my metal arm or my scars or any of that. I’m not the Winter Soldier to you. To you I’m just Buck, and I didn’t realize how much that meant to me until the other day when I thought about how I would feel if you went away.”

“I don’t really want to leave you either, Bucky.” You told him. “You’re pretty much the best friend I’ve ever had, and I don’t want to screw that up. I’ve screwed up every relationship in my life except for Clint and his family. And let’s be honest they’re all kind of contractually obligated to love me.”

“Your brother and his family love you genuinely.” Bucky insisted. “And so do I, [Y/N]. I’d do anything for you, because I want you to be happy.”

“Like I said, it’s an extremely generous offer, can I take some time to think it over?” You asked, biting your lip.

“Of course.” Bucky nodded. “It’s an open offer for the rest of your life.” He said very seriously. You quickly thought of a way to graciously excuse yourself from the garden and left Bucky alone on the bench. When you turned to look back at him, he had his head in his hands.

“Ugh not now.” You groaned to yourself. On your way back into the compound your spotted your brother walking out.

“Hey, [Y/N], Nat said you were probably out in the garden with Barnes but here you are.” Clint greeted you with a smile. “Listen I know you’re probably tired of me coming to visit but…wait what’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” You sniffled, holding back tears.

“[Y/N], what happened? Was it Barnes?” He demanded.

“No, no!” You jumped in front of him to grab his attention. “listen for a minute.” You then proceeded recount the conversation you’d just had with Bucky.

“I don’t understand what the problem is.” Clint confessed. “He’s been nothing but great to you. Why wouldn’t you say yes?”

“Because I like him. Hell I probably love him.” You explained. “So much that I don’t want to screw it up. It’s bad enough that this kid is stuck with me for the rest of its life. Is it fair for me to drag someone else in?”

“By the sound of things, you’re not dragging anyone anywhere. And you know, it doesn’t have to be some dramatic thing, I’m sure you can stay here. Far as I know, no one has any plans to kick you out any time soon. Do you remember what I said to you when you first came to stay here?” You thought for a minute about what Clint was saying.

“You don’t need anyone else’s permission to be happy, [Y/N].” He added.  

“We might not have had an easy life, but I got really luck having you as a brother.” You said, gently elbowing him.

“You sure did.” He agreed, ruffling your hair. You groaned, but he only shrugged. “It’s not cool to elbow a pregnant lady. You’d better got catch up with Barnes before he changes his mind.”

“Don’t joke about things like that!” You shoved him hard. Clint, taken by surprise, fell to the ground as you sprinted towards the garden.

“Buck!” You panted as soon as he was within your sight again.

“[Y/N]? What’s wrong?” He jumped to his feet.

“Nothing.” You tried to wave him off, but he was already at your side, escorting you back onto the bench. “I’m an idiot.” You huffed still trying to catch your breath.

“Don’t be silly, I’m the idiot.” He crouched down so that he could look at you eye to eye. “I should have never sprung something like that on you an expected an answer.”

“Shhhhh.” You pressed a finger against his mouth while you gulped deep breaths. Once you were respirating normally, you explained yourself. Sometimes, the thing you’ve been looking for your whole life, is right there beside you all along. I love you, but I was afraid. Afraid that I’d ruin things afraid that…” You were cut off as Bucky leaned forward, firmly pressing his lips against yours.

“I love you too!” He promised before going back in for another kiss.

  *Please feel free to play along and send me some Endgame Challenge Requests!*

[writeyouin]

Marvel: Bucky x M!Reader where the reader is an agent of S.H.I.E.L.D and is assigned to keep an eye on Bucky while the Avenger are away and they start to fall for each other. Bucky makes the first move.

Bucky Barnes X Male-Reader – Adventures in Bucky Sitting

A/N – Imma just leave this here and walk away.

Warnings – A pretty sad / angsty moment about gay acceptance.

Rating – T

You didn’t know whether to love or hate your job. Being a SHIELD agent was one thing, being the SHIELD agent that picked up after the Avengers was another. Sure, it wasn’t all bad but on days when Tony would play elaborate pranks on you, Thor didn’t know what human customs were and would accidentally offend someone, or when Hulk went rogue, you had your hands full; still, at least you weren’t the PR guy, he had to make the Avengers look good after every battle. Now, to top your already heavy workload off, you’d been assigned the task of watching over James Barnes while the Avengers were on an away mission by special request of Rogers.

You sat at the breakfast bar in Avengers Tower awaiting Steve’s return with Bucky, all the while Tony was having the time of his life, giving you special instructions over coffee. “Now don’t forget (Y/N), all super soldiers need to be in bed by eight, no late-night movies and especially no ice cream before dinner; if you have any trouble, there are numbers on the fridge.”

You smirked, “Ah young man, it seems like only yesterday I was babysitting you, now you’ve got little soldiers of your own, what did I tell you about using protection?”

“Protection, good point. Weapons are everywhere around the tower but if I come home and see my little Buck’s lost an eye because you didn’t put the toys away-”

At that moment, Steve entered followed closely by a reluctant looking Bucky.

“There’s my big man,” Tony cooed, walking over.

Steve shook his head, approaching you and whispering quietly, “He gave you all the access codes, right?”

You nodded.

“Good, will you be okay with him?”

“Will he be okay with me?”

“I trust you (Y/N), he does too. Thanks for this, him and me… we’ve both spent too much time on ice.”

“So, the de-conditioning worked?”

“We think so, the doctors say there could be a relapse one day but there’s no telling if it will ever happen. I believe in him.”

“If you do then I do too, hang on a sec Steve. Oy Tony,” You yelled, “Leave off, if he doesn’t kill you I will.” Tony, who’d been stroking Bucky’s hair, pulled an innocent face but stepped away. Bucky shot you a thankful glance which you reciprocated with a nod. “Alright Steve, I’ll see you all when you get back.”

During the first hour or so with Bucky, every attempt to make him more comfortable led to more tension. It started with conversations about the state of the world, all of which seemed to confuse him more; sure, his training had taught him the technology but it hadn’t taught him the differences in social etiquette. Then, you’d attempted a movie but Tony had set all the channels to children’s shows as a last-ditch attempt at humour and you couldn’t fix them. After that, Bucky had been curious about your iPod but you quickly found that he wasn’t accustomed to the music on it. Eventually, you asked Bucky about his childhood, that put him at ease, talking about the time, the people, memories of him and Steve. You were entranced hearing about it.

“It’s strange now,” he concluded thoughtfully.

“Yeah, I imagine it must be,” You reflected. “Is there anything you like better?”

“There’s… In my time, they used to treat people who were different badly. It’s better now.”

“Different how?”

Bucky stayed silent for a while, apparently debating how much to say, “Just different.”

You frowned, he wasn’t going to tell you, though how could you expect him to? He had a long way to go before trusting you with whatever was bothering him. “Alright,” You strived for another track, “what did you used to do for fun?”

Bucky thought long and hard, he couldn’t go out so that removed the possibility of carnivals, there was no way he could dance to the new music, and he certainly wouldn’t leave you to read a book, that would be rude; finally, he had it, the perfect way to have fun.

“YES!” You cheered, throwing your arms up. “Pay up, you just landed on my hotels.”

Bucky mock-glared at the Monopoly board, he owned more properties but you were still winning, “This game’s biased.”

“You suggested it and hey, I was willing to be a nice land lord but you have to pay your rent Mr Barnes; if you don’t all the other families will complain I’m showing favouritism and then nobody will pay their rent. Where will that leave me?”

“All right, tell me this, why does a dog own property anyway?”

You looked at your tiny metal figure, “Don’t be doggist, besides, you’re the real monster here, charging a sweet little puppy to stay in a house on a cold night.”

Bucky laughed, he hadn’t expected you to play this with him, let alone have fun doing it, “Thank you (Y/N).”

“Don’t thank me, pay me.”

He passed over the money, smiling, his gaze lingering on you longer than it should. You fought off a blush, hastily trying to find something else to focus on. Thankfully, your phone rang, giving you the time you needed to recover.

Bucky strived not to listen in, to do so would’ve been impolite and that was something he wouldn’t stand for.

“WHAT?!” You yelled, almost scaring Bucky out of his seat. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE’S OUT?!”

Immediately, Bucky was on high alert, ready for a fight until you added, “He’s just a kid, how could you let this happen? You know what, no, I don’t want excuses, if anything happens to him, I’ll… it won’t end well for you.”

You snapped your phone shut and grabbed your coat. Bucky approached hesitantly, “What’s wrong?”

“It’s a kid I know, he’s ran away from the foster home he’s in.”

“Hang on,” Bucky retrieved Tony’s car keys, “I’ll come with you.”

“You don’t have to.”

“What kind of man would I be if I didn’t?”

You nodded at him thankfully, before going out, together.

Thankfully, it didn’t take long to find the child you were searching for. He’d ran to the park, a place he often took solace in.

Before you could approach him, Bucky grabbed your arm, demanding to know one thing, “(Y/N), how do you know this kid?”

“There’s a program here, it’s called Big Brother. I act like a big brother to Ryan, the kid, because he doesn’t have one; it gives him a role-model to look up to, y’know? I guess I was doing a real’ shoddy job if he’s run away tonight. Can you give us a minute?”

Bucky let go of you, staying by the car while you approached Ryan.

“Hey buddy,” You whispered, holding your hands up in a sign of peace when Ryan looked ready to bolt again. “Easy, I’m not here for a chase.”

“(Y/N), how did you know-” Ryan started uneasily.

“Doesn’t matter, what matters is you. You had me worried kiddo, want to talk about it?”

“Who’s that?” Ryan looked behind you towards Bucky.

“A friend of mine, he was also worried.”

“Why?”

“You’d have to ask him that. So, why’re you here?”

Ryan gazed off into the distance, trying to gather his thoughts, “There’s some jerks at school- They said I’m a mistake because I- There’s a school dance coming up and they said guys shouldn’t go with… other guys.”

Your heart bled for Ryan, it didn’t seem like all that long ago you were in his position, you were about to offer some advice when he continued, lost in anger without the ability or maturity to fill in the blanks. “I want to know why. Why am I different? Why do I- Why do they hate me for it?” He started crying, even more frustrated for doing so. “What’s wrong with me?”

You pulled him close to you, too choked up to talk yourself. Bucky cleared his throat and spoke up, “Nothing’s wrong with you, people will pick on anything different to hide their own insecurities. I used to be scared just like you kid but things have really improved since my time.”

“How would you know?” Ryan’s muffled voice came from your jumper.

“Because, it’s how I felt before I asked your big brother out, isn’t that right (Y/N)?”

Ryan lifted his head to look at you, you smiled sympathetically, “I know it seems rough now champ but it worked out for me and Bucky here, it can work out for you too, yeah?”

Ryan held onto you for a bit longer before nodding and following you into the car, staying quiet for the entire journey back to the children’s home. You had a million questions you wanted to ask Bucky but it wasn’t the right time. Suddenly, everything was falling into place, “In my time, they used to treat people who were different badly. It’s better now.”

You waited till you a safe distance from the children’s home before pulling up on the side of the road and facing Bucky.

“What was that about?” You asked, trying to remain calm and failing miserably.

Bucky looked sick, he didn’t want to face rejection again, “I- The kid needed to know it was okay.”

“Cut the crap Bucky, you’re a terrible liar. What’s really going on? Did you mean to ask me out or is it a cruel joke because if it is-”

“I like you.”

“Pardon?”

“It’s alright if you don’t like me back but please… Just give me what I couldn’t have in my day. At the very least I want to be treated like a human being, no more hiding, no more fear, just… no more.”

“So, it wasn’t a trick?”

“No.”

You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose tiredly.

“Are you angry?”

“No… it’s just- God, I’m going to have to fill out so many damned forms.”

“Forms?”

“To date someone you work with, it’s hardly romantic but S.H.I.E.L.D has some hellish paperwork for dating a co-worker which I guess technically you are.”

“Wait so you-”

“Yeah, I guess we can give this a shot. James Buchanan Barnes, my name is (Y/N) (L/N) and I’d be honoured if you’d finish that game of Monopoly with me in a more romantic way.”

If Bucky felt sick before, he was practically nauseous now, this was his first official date without having to pretend or adhere to ridiculous standards of an unforgiving society; it was by far, the biggest and most exciting battle of his life.

[t-zeitel]

A-Z. All of them. Ever.

 .... you asked for it. :P Behind cut for WALL OF TEXT.

Alignment :: What wouldbe their D&D alignment? How might it come into play?Chaotic Neutral for the most part. She will follow her own ideals andthe law vaguely, but the needs of her and her own come first and foremost.

Beverage :: What do they most like to drink, and why?Coffee made into syrup by liberal application of sugar. Which she’s hadto lay off of for the past few months cause is it turns her stomach with thekiddos. She’s gone to mostly water and she’s started appreciating Sokh’s teasmore.

Co-Habitate :: Do they live with anyone? What’s “need toknow” before moving in?With her lovely hubby and with her sister and her brother in lawcoming and going as their work allows. What you need to know? She’s going tomake you the best breakfasts of your life – pancakes so light they could floatif given proper motivation, herb infused syrups, fruit cut into fun shapes. She’sgoing to ruin every other breakfast for you. You have been warned.

Decor :: What kind of home do they keep? Are there anydefining details? Nothing extravagant. She likes comfortable places tosit with others or read or just relax. She doesn’t like too much clutter butisn’t going to obsessively pick it up. Her home looks lived in but neat. Andthere are always flowers around somewhere that she’ll end up changing out nowand then.

Escape :: What do they do to destress? How successful is it?Usually go out and blow up something or convince Sokh to spar with her.Since she can’t really do either at the moment, she’s taken up attempting tosew, which, honestly was a horrible idea. She’s lit more than one piece offabric on fire in frustration.

Fluff :: What hits their soft spot? Does anything them intoemotional goo?Goofy happy Sokh smiles. She’s done. Just scoop the goo that T’zeibecomes into a little bucket and be done with it.

Grudge :: How bad does an insult go over? Do they hold agrudge long?She holds a grudge like a miser holds a damn coin.She’ll act like she let it go but she WILL NEVER let it go, forget it orforgive it.

Hobby :: What’s something they do for fun that might besurprising?When no one’s home, when she’s sure she’s alone, she attempting to learnhow to play music. She’s horrible at it. But she’s trying.

               Insomnia :: What’s their sleeping schedule like? Snorer?Sound sleeper?She sleeps fairly soundly and regularly normally. When something is awryor as it currently is (husband’s aether all squirrely and her sister burningcandles at every end), she sleeps lighter and is prone to getting up and doinga ‘patrol’ around the house to check on everyone at random times during thenight.

Jaded :: Do they buy into the “happily ever after” ideal?What’s their standard?To a point? There will always be troubles and interesting times, shefigures, as long as she’s with Sokh (which is the rest of her life). She ishappy. The ever after isn’t important.

Kin :: What’s their role among their relations? Do theyconsider others family?She’s the one that will mother hen you and comfort you while asking you ‘whodo I have to go murder, sweetheart?’ in a voice that leaves no question thatshe would willingly and often do it. She tends to be very protective of thepeople she considers her family, both blood and not, and time or distance doesnot change that. If someone she hadn’t seen in years asked for her help and shehad at one point considered them family, she would be putting on some armor,grabbing a weapon and going to bash some heads.

Law :: What do they think about abiding rules? Are theyselective about it?While laws aren’t meant to be followed to the tee, nor are they meant tobe broken willy nilly. If she does something to break a law or bend a law, it’sfor a good reason. That said, she’s likely not going to go out and murderpeople on a daily basis. No matter how much she wants to.

Magic :: In a magic series or not, are they accepting, or iseach instance a shock?She makes fire with her hands and her mind and her heart. Magic is aneveryday occurrence in her house hold used for even mundane things.

Network :: Are they connected to the people? How much do theyreach out to others?Honestly she tends to keep to herself, more afraid of what other peoplewould think of her than for lack of social graces. She likes talking to peopleand helping people but she’s awkward about approaching people or making thefirst move. She’s more likely to force herself through her problems then askfor people’s help.

Offspring :: What kind of parent would they be? Would theyprefer one, or multiple?She’s terrified that she’s going to be a horrible mother but she’lllikely be a great mother. Although she’ll likely be the one that the kids won’tbe able to get away with giving the puppy eyes and getting away with things.The stern but loving momma bear. Woe be unto anyone that tries to harm herchildren. They likely won’t see the next day.

Pistol :: Is this character skilled with a weapon? What’stheir opinion of violence?She’s skilled with fire and at least passable with a rapier. Violencefor violence sake is horrible but for defense and protection of her and herloved ones it’s a hundred percent allowed and encouraged.

Question :: How often do they feel doubt? What topics arethey defensive about?Daily? In different levels. She feels awkward about things and doubtsher skills are worth anything. She doubts why people would want to be herfriend but she keeps this all under lock and key. She’s very defensive (and maystart pulling out fire and sharp implements) should anyone say anythingsideways about her husband or her family.

Reminder :: How are they at remembering daily needs? Whatfalls through the cracks?She’s pretty good at daily lists, both for herself, her job and hergeneral tasks. Things that fall through the cracks usually end up being mildlyunimportant – little things that she had to do, little cleaning tasks that canwait. She doesn’t let the important things slip up.

Sing :: Do they like music? Do they listenoften/sing/hum/play songs in their head?She loves music – a hold over from her days as a dancer. She’ll move unconsciouslyto any music around her and will often hum and dance while she’s cooking. Sheloves catching Sokh humming or mouthing words to a song. She has no voice forsinging (alas, vulture, not songbird). She’s trying to learn some musicalinstrument just to keep up.

Touch :: How do they handle contact? Is their personal bubblebig?With people not in her family, she has A HUGE DAMN personal bubble. Donot touch the cat lady. Do not poke the ears or tail. Do not. Those that sheconsiders family? Sure, touch. Not anything super personal but she’s not goingto claw someone if they give her a hug or a little arm pat.

Upcoming :: How much do they think of the future? Do theymake long-term plans?She tends to take things at a cautions ‘one day at a time’ pace. She hasvague plans but she honestly never thought that she’d survive life this long,as bad as that sounds. Life before now had been a ton of battles and potentialfor death and injury. Now that she’s almost peacefully living and atradeswoman, she’s trying to come to terms with the fact that she could happilylive til she’s old and grey.

Vice :: What bad habits do they have? Is there something theywould be ashamed of?Not really? She’s horribly boring when it comes to vices.

Wardrobe :: What’s their fashion style? Do they have anystaple pieces?ALL THE COMFORTABLE THINGS. She’s recently discovered ponchos and lovesthem so damn much – it’s a blanket you can wear! Do you realize how amazingthat is!? She also has a soft spot for insanely tall boots.

X-Ray :: How’s their health? Any problem areas? Do they takecare of themselves?She’s in very good health – mostly because she has to keep herselfhealthy to make sure everyone else is taken care of, or at least that’s whatshe tells herself. She isn’t prone to getting sick and tends to bounce backfrom injuries quickly enough. Granted, that’s more because she’s too stubbornto sit around for too long.

Yack :: What’s their favorite thing to talk about? What dothey go on about?She could go on for days about plants and baked goods and dancing andmagic. She tries not to because she just imagines people’s eyes glossing overafter a little while. But get her drunk and ask about any of them and she willtalk to you for hours and you will be her best friend.

Zodiac :: What’s their astro sign? Does it fit? What wouldyou pick, if it’s unknown?Capricorn. A lot of it fits really well for her. “…they are ambitious,conservative, determined, practical and helpful. …sometimes their negativequalities – suspicious, resentful, inhibited, pessimistic and stubborn – are clearlyseen, but deep inside the Goat is a humbled heart.