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fishfingersandjellybabies · 3 years ago

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I Wonder What It’s Like (3/3) - fic

Characters: Jon Kent, Damian Wayne, some Maya and Kathy Pairing: jondami Summary: One person’s bad timing is another person’s good timing. A/N: And *mumble mumble* they live happily ever after. Damian was already curious because the way Jon was holding him in the rescue was the way Clark holds lois in similar situations and ONLY Lois. It was just a giant ‘oh fuck it’s reciprocated.’ moment I guess, so he egged it on.

Part One | Part Two | Part Three

It was an alien invasion. Of course it was.

All hands on deck. Justice League, the Titans, and their Teen variety, Young Justice. Even some less desirables like the Outlaws, Suicide Squad, Deathstroke and, well, their own little ragtag group.

And it was a weird time to be thinking about it, you know, punching out aliens and their robot pets over the city harbor and all, that their little foursome didn’t have a name. Didn’t go by anything. They weren’t League and they weren’t Outlaws. They weren’t really…anything. The ace in the hole? The backup?

He didn’t like any of those-

“Focus, Superboy.” Crackled in his ear. He glanced down to the nearby skyscraper. Saw Damian and Maya fighting back-to-back. Felt himself smile. Kicking ass and taking names – that was so them.

It was Damian who had spoken. Damian, who wasn’t even looking at him. Too busy flipping over Maya’s shoulder as they switched opponents.

Jon blinked a few times, then looked back at his own enemy, clutched tightly in his fist, shrieking to the machine that Kathy was taking out a few feet away from him.

“How’d you know I wasn’t?” Jon mumbled, throwing his rock-monster-looking alien towards the ground.

“Because we know you.” Maya chimed in. “And you float when you zone out. Notice how high you are right now?”

Kathy laughed as Jon sheepishly floated back down to where she was. “What were you thinking ‘bout?”

“…We don’t have a team name.” Jon practically pouted. “We’re just…the Other Ones.”

“And that’s a problem?” Damian snorted. “The less who know about us, the better, in my opinion.”

“Oh, right, and your opinion is never wrong.” Maya droned. A moment later she let out a shout, and Jon glanced down to see that Damian had thrown an unconscious and oozing alien right at her. “Okay, no need to be childish, you little worm!”

Damian cackled at her annoyance, and Jon ignored the flutter in his stomach.

“And there was no need for you to open your mouth at all, yet here we are, Nobody.” Damian sneered. Maya let out a string of curses, and Jon watched her throw a body in Damian’s direction. Damian dodged it, and then spoke again, but softer this time, aimed at him. “…Were you just lamenting the fact, or coming up with names yourself?”

“Mmm, both? Neither?” Jon shrugged, shooting himself across the sky to intercept an alien heading straight for a group of fleeing civilians. “I just thought it was odd.”

“I can’t believe I’m going to say it, but I agree with Damian.” Kathy said, making a retching noise right after. Maya laughed through the comms. Damian scoffed. “I like it how it is right now, you know? People call us when they need us, and we get to be normal people otherwise. It’s like being a hero part-time, and honestly, after our childhoods? I think the four of us deserve the break.”

“Freelance heroes.” Maya echoed. “I mean, I don’t think actually having a name or title associated with us would change anything, but I suppose I get the general principle.”

“I just mean, like…what if we’re interviewed by the news? Or some little kid asks who we are?” Jon pushed. An alien came flying towards him. He caught it like a baseball, spun, and threw it back from where it came. “The day is saved thanks to…who? Justice League Jr.? The Ghosts? The Powerpuff Girls? Like, what’s our backup?”

“I think concerned citizens would suffice in most situations.” Damian drawled.

“Concerned and capable, that’s us.” Maya mocked.

Kathy laughed at the joke, and Jon just rolled his eyes. He turned towards the water, seeing a new hoard of aliens and their robots coming their way. He sighed – when would this end?

Suddenly, there was a sharp static crack in his ear. In his periphery, he saw Kathy flinch at the noise too. Their communicators, then.

But before either of them could open their mouths to ask, Maya gave a shriek.

“Fuck!” She screamed. Jon and Kathy spun back towards the building their teammates had been on. The rooftop was no longer swarmed with aliens. In fact, the aliens were all scattered and flailing, like they were turtles knocked on their backs.

Jon’s stomach dropped as his mind processed what else was wrong. Maya and Damian were gone.

“Damian!” Maya shouted. Jon saw movement below the roof, glanced down to see Maya scrambling to her feet on the fire escape, pointing straight up into the sky. “Guys, he grabbed Damian!”

Jon’s eye followed her finger, and sure enough, speeding above even his head, one of these rock creatures – but bigger, more reptilian – was flying full speed towards the stratosphere, Damian hanging from his clawed hand by his ankle.

Damian, of course, wasn’t fazed in the slightest. Already had a knife in hand, and was stabbing at his captor’s grip.

Jon’s heart pounded, and he found himself glancing over at Kathy. She nodded, gave him a grim smile.

“Go get him.”

Jon needed nothing else, and felt the sonic boom snap behind him as he took off after the reptile man.

“Does he always break the sound barrier when he takes off?” Maya’s voice buzzed through his communicator. She was most likely talking to Kathy. He paid it no mind. “Or is that just another one of those Damian things…”

But because Damian was, well, Damian, he couldn’t leave well enough alone and kept stabbing at the monster’s fingers. And even as Jon sped towards them, he could see the creature getting frustrated, questioning how worth it it was to have Damian as a captive.

Without warning, he decided that, apparently, it wasn’t worth it at all.

So he dropped him.

Panic electrified Jon’s system, and his breath came up short as he twisted his course to follow a now-plummeting Damian.

What if he wasn’t fast enough? What if he didn’t catch him? What if the alien came back?

What if Damian died? Right here? Right in front of him?

“I’m coming!” Jon found himself shouting, both for himself and for Damian. In freefall, he saw Damian look towards him. “I’m coming, D!”

And as he got closer, flying as fast as he could, he saw Damian believe it, believe in him, and slowly, steadily, reach his hand out.

Jon was almost there. Jon almost had him.

But god, the buildings below them were already so close.

His heart was on fire, the wind in his face was causing his eyes to tear up. But he was close, he was so close-

(And the jagged corner of that skyscraper was even closer.)

-so he reached his own hand out, brushed his fingertips against Damian’s. Watched Damian watch their hands. Watched all fear drain from Damian’s face, turn into blind trust.

Then grabbed his forearm and yanked him into his chest. Held the back of Damian’s head as he spun them, so it was his back that bounced into the corner of the building’s roof, and not Damian’s skull.

The momentum kept them bouncing. Off that first building into another, into a fire escape, into a broken window, into brick, against a dumpster. And all the while, Jon kept tight hold of Damian, kept him curled into his chest, hidden by his cape.

Anything to keep him safe. And alive.

They landed in a heap in the alleyway, Jon’s back against the dirty ground, and Damian spread on top of him. Jon let out a small groan as Damian scrambled up and backed off of him.

“I hate falling. It’s my least favorite part of flying.” He mumbled, sitting up himself. He rubbed at the base of his spine as he glanced up. “You okay?”

“Am I…?” Damian scoffed, holding out his hand. Jon took it, and let Damian swing him up into his space. “You’re really asking me? You’re the one who just crash landed.”

“Being Kryptonian helps with that.” Jon winked. “Besides, you were the one who was just almost kidnapped, and then almost splattered on the pavement. I think it’s a valid question.”

Damian scoffed and crossed his arms, glancing away. “I’m fine…Thank you.”

“Any time.” Jon grinned. But almost instantly, he let the smile drop. Furrowed his brows and, without thinking, reached out, cupping his hand along Damian’s jaw and turning his head. “Hey, what’s…”

He’d seen blood, he thought, coming from Damian’s hairline. Was it from the previous fight, or their fall? Jeez, if it was from their fall, Jon wasn’t sure if he could handle…

But no, it was just dirt. Grime from being in battle all day with no breaks. His bad. He went to smile once more, but found himself hesitating as he glanced towards Damian’s face, and found Damian staring at him with wide eyes. Wide, too knowing, too soulful, too hopeful, too green eyes.

He felt his own heart beating against his chest. Especially as he remembered just how close they were standing. Damian had pulled him up into his chest, and Jon had never backed up.

And Damian never asked him to.

Suddenly, he found himself unable to let go of Damian’s face. Kept his hand glued to the curve of his throat, Damian’s own heartbeat pulsing against his fingers. Swallowed, and could have sworn the whole city heard it.

“Damian, I…”

But Damian cut him off with a simple, blunt demand. “Kiss me.”

Jon stumbled over the noises suddenly coming out of his mouth. Not words, not even thoughts. His attempts at speaking coming out like television static instead.

“Wha…what?”

“You heard me.” Damian said lowly, and Jon could feel the cheek under his hand heating up in the start of a blush. “And you know I don’t repeat myself.”

“You…I…this…” There was a crash a few streets over and Jon flinched. Instinctively shifted even closer into Damian’s space to box him in against the wall, to protect him. Just in case.

He never dropped his hand.

A second later, he realized his movement, and glanced down. Damian was still watching him with those sharp jade detective eyes. The ones Jon could stare into forever, if given the chance. The ones he could see the universe in, that were brighter than any star in the sky.

God, Damian could always see right through him.

“…I don’t think now’s the best time.” Jon whispered, almost desperately. Damian smirked.

“Timing and invasions and life-or-death danger has never stopped your mother and father. Hell, that never stopped my parents either. I’m pretty sure I was conceived in the middle of an assassination plot. On both of them.” A pause, to think, to bite at his lip. “But you didn’t say no.” Damian breathed softly. “Bad timing is not a no.”

“Well, of course not.” Jon rambled – admitted – as he looked off to the side, towards the invasion still happening all around them. Looked at anything but Damian. “But, we have to save the city. The attack is still going, and these aliens-”

Suddenly, there were fists in the front of his cape, and he was being yanked down, lips crashing into his.

Damian tasted better than Jon could ever dream, ever fantasized all those nights alone in his room. There was no distinct taste, but rather…he tasted like the donut Maya had forced him to have for breakfast that morning. The black coffee he’d drank with it.

He tasted like blood and chapped lips, with a fading hint of the cheap chapstick he used because it was a gift from a little girl they’d rescued a few months ago.

He tasted like insecurities and heartbreak. He tasted like a man who had never been sure of anything in his life until this moment, this action.

And Jon wanted to devour him. Jon knew he had to devour him.

Consciously this time, he raised his other hand, held Damian’s face as tenderly as he could. Felt his breath hitch as Damian skimmed his hands down Jon’s chest to grab at his waist.

It felt like he’d been waiting his whole life for this.

Damian seemed to almost melt against him, and when he leaned back those few centimeters to take a breath, Jon guided him backwards, until his spine pressed against the building’s brick wall.

“Jonathan…”

But Jon pushed against him, swallowed his voice. He couldn’t help but smirk, just a little. Damian may have started this, but he had no problem taking control.

And his heart stuttered at the thought that Damian was letting him.

But then, of course – of course – there was a explosion from the building behind them. They broke apart as Damian ducked slightly, and Jon once more hovered over him protectively.

Debris collapsed loudly around them, a sharp rod of steel bouncing off Jon’s back at one point. But as soon as it began to settle, their comms. crackled to life with their allies, friends and fathers calling for them, asking for their locations and statuses. Roars of the aliens echoed all around them.

Damian sighed.

“I suppose…you were correct.” He grumbled as he stood back to full height, looking up towards the clouds.

“About?”

“Now probably wasn’t the best time for...” He whined, waving his hand awkwardly between them. He put his hands on Jon’s chest again, but this time to push him gently back and step back into the street. “There’s an alien invasion to stop.”

Jon watched him for a moment. “…Damian?” Damian glanced over his shoulder. “Are we going to talk about this later?”

Damian blinked, then smiled. But not a hero smile. Not a Robin or Nightwing or Batman smile. A Damian smile. Warm and genuine and just the slightest bit mischievous.

“What’s there to talk about, Beloved?” Damian asked, leaning back and taking Jon’s hand, pulling him forward. “Now come on, there’s a world to save.”

#jondami #jon kent #Damian Wayne

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fromparishwithlove · 8 years ago

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RENT’S 20TH ANNIVERSARY TOUR: In Memorium

IT’S BEEN OVER A WHOLE WEEK SINCE I SAW RENT AND I need to remember everything about that show because OH MY GOD it was the most perfect thing I have ever witnessed and I’m so upset I can’t go and see it a BILLION more times so I’m writing down everything so I don’t forget. I need to relive it. I’m not sorry. AND THIS IS ONLY ACT 1 HAHAHAHAHAHA

Also dedicated to my boo @itsbeaconhillsbaby because I know her memory fades so quick and we need this to LIVE ok.

· Before it even begins, the curtain is up so you can see the stage and the set up and Ross e.g the guy portraying Roger is just wandering about on stage so you just kinda feel like you’ve walked into the apartment. You’re immediately transported from your seat in the theatre to their flat in New York

· Mark being that typical friend who shoves a camera in your face and asks you to do something cool and you’re literally like please go away but you can’t say that to him because he’s too fucking cute

· EVERY SINGLE PHONE CALL FROM MARK’S MUM. AND IN FACT ALL THE PARENTS. THEY ARE GOLDEN. And they give the show a sense of realism because yes they’re all bursting into song every five seconds but guess what, they still have parents who won’t leave them alone

· Tom Collins being that friend everyone loves to bits, he has a heart of gold and a voice to match

· Collins being shocked when he thinks it’s Roger that picked up the phone. Even though he’s been away for 7 months he knows his friends so well

· Joanne not being a theatre person when she literally sings two of the most theatrical songs in the entire production

· You Okay Honey is the sweetest frigging song in the entirety of the world and I cannot believe they cut it from the film.

· Every single word Collins sings ever but especially the “Well you missed a sleeve” and “Angel indeed” and “Nice tree”

· ANGEL. TELLING. COLLINS. HE. LOOKS. CUTE. WHEN. HE. BLUSHES.

· That hesitation before Collins takes Angels hand. Y’all know his life just got 68796847292190465 times better after they run offstage together

· MARK ACTUALLY EXPLAINING WHAT HAPPENED TO APRIL. The film kinda glosses over it. You learn she died and she and Roger had AIDs but other than that you’re like huh?

· Roger being 100% relatable when he’s like “Zoom in on my empty wallet!”

· Ross Hunter singing One SOng Glory because really does life get better than this?

· Philippa’s portrayal of Mimi is on point! She made it very obvious that Mimi was not only coping with AIDs but also a drug addiction. She was shaking and fidgeting and tapping and yes, just yes. She did a damn good job

· Her laugh when she steals her drugs back from Roger and runs off stage

· “WHO RAN NAKED THROUGH THE PARTHENON!” Now why has no one made a show about that?

· Collins throwing Mark and Roger food and drink and firewood. HOW LONG DID THEY HAVE TO REHEARSE THAT?!? 10 out of 10 was waiting for one of them to miss something

· “’Oh hi’ after 7 months?!”

· “Struck gold at MIT” That line... god I’m drowning

· Roger not leaving the house and telling Collins that’s because he was waiting for him to get back.

· ANGEL DUMOTT SCHUNARD SWINGING DOWN FROM THAT LADDER IN THAT OUTFIT AND FLINGING OFF THAT COAT AND THROWING THAT MONEY BEFORE COMMENCING T H A T DANCE.

· Layton WIlliams is a certified Queen of Dance.

· THAT FUCKING LEG KICK AND THOSE SPLITS. BOY HOW YOU EVEN DOING THAT?!

· And then when she’s done, she just goes and sits down with Collins and starts drinking vodka and fanning herself. IF THAT AIN’T ME!

· Benny spreading out the blueprints for his cyber-arts facility and Angel pretending to be interested

· “That boy could use some prosac! Or heavy drugs! Or group hugs!” Tag yourself.

· The little reprise to You’ll See and Roger’s “Let it be boys.”

· COLLINS SINGING I LIKE BOYS. I SWEAR MY HEART COMBUSTED

· Mark being overdramatic af as he enters the lot. I also appreciate the fact he turns the camera on himself just in case he dies at the hands of Joanne and the others never see him again

· TANGO MAUREEN. A S D F G H J K L

· The film does not have a patch on Billy and Shanay. OH MY GOD. Their dancing. The little bum wiggle Billy does and the stamping and the fucking length of time they took to take off their coats. It was intense af

· MARK AND JOANNE’S UNDERAPPRECIATED SEXUAL TENSION

· Mark squealing when Joanne stood on his toe.

· “fUCKING CHEATED!”

· Joanne answering the phone to tell Maureen they’re patched and she calls her Pookie and Mark laughed so fucking hard I was dying

· Angel and Collins introducing themselves at the life support meeting like asdffghjkl you guys talk about married

· MArk interrupting and being awkward af and kinda insensitive before just blurting his name in Paul’s face. That’s me. I’ve literally done that. Just shouted my name in someone’s face by way of introducing myself

· Lets talk about the fade from Steve to ROger singing about how he should’ve died. WOw. Thanks. My hearts not broken

· AND THEN WAM BAM THANK YOU MAM STRAIGHT INTO OUT TONIGHT

· HOW FAST DID SHE WHIP HER HAIR ROUND THOUGH OMFG AND THERE WERE SO MANY TIMES SHE WAS JUST HANGING ONTO THAT SCAFFOLDING BY HER LEGS ALONE. B A D A S S

· And then she just hops off the little platform into Roger’s apartment and does that lil face nuzzle. Mimi is my kinda girl I swear to god.

· Another Day... WHo doesn’t love everything about that song?

· HOW BEAUTIFUL DID THE ENTIRE CAST SOUND HARMONISING WILL I? God it was gorgeous.

· ANd you could see Roger realising that he doesn’t want to die alone and that maybe he can have another shot at love and he puts on his coat and leaves the house. Talk about character development!

· “THIS LOT IS FULL OF MOTHERFUCKING ARTISTS!”

· That lady coming at Angel after she’s all like “Easy sugar easy” This is after Angel holds COllins back from saying something?! ANd Angel is having none of it she just backs the hell up like mmm no honey

· SANTA FE. SANTA FE. SANTA FE. THE MOST UNDER APPRECIATED SONG IN THE HISTORY OF THE THEATRE?!?

· RYAN O’GORMAN SAVED MY LIFE?

· “Sang it girl!”

· The bass line is to die for

· Mark third wheeling to hell and filming the whole thing

· There was a moment in one show when Angel got the spliff the wrong way round and then when it eventually got passed to MArk he just sat there with it like ??? before pasisng it back to Collins. WHAT A FUCKING INNOCENT

· Collins hitting Angels boot and doing that spin and swinging round the ladder and imitating Angel playing the drums when he says “You can drum a gentle drum”

· When they all sit on the bench and pretend to be driving a car to Santa Fe and then Collins pushes Mark’s camera round to film the horizon as he sings “Do you know the way to Santa Fe?”

· “YOU KNOW... TUMBLE WEED... PRAIRIE DOGS. YEAAAAAAAAH.”

· Dead. I’m dead at this point.

· ANd then I get hit with the intro to I’ll Cover You and I think I’m going to survive but y’all know I’m not.

· Anyway... Mark FINALLLLLLLY leaving!!! And Angel being like thank the gods and Collins is like “He’ll be back I can guarantee”

· With that in mind Angel is like shit better tell him I love him immediately before Mark crashes that party

· “I’ve been hearing violins all night,”

“ANything to do with me? Are we a thing?”

“Darling... We’re everything.”

CAN WE JUST !!! THEY’VE KNOWN EACH OTHER FOR LIKE A DAY AND A HALF?!? nOT EVEN THAT IDK. BUT THEY BOTH LOVE EACH OTHER SO MUCH IM CRYING TEARS OF BLOOOOOOD

· They just sit on the bench and sing to each other and then Collins kneels down in front of ANgel when his verse comes on

· RYAN PULLING OPEN HIS SHIRT TO INDICATE “I ain’t got much baggage”

· Then they fucking dance and look at each other from across the stage and it’s so soft you want to die but then you realise you already have and you’re in heaven

· AND THEN THE KISS AT THE END. HOLY MOTHER.

· We’re Okay - again UNDER APPRECIATED. ALSO DISAPPOINTED IT WAS CUT FROM THE FILM.

· YASS YASS YASS CHRISTMAS BELLS AND ALL THE VENDORS ARE ON THE STREET AND ANGEL AND COLLINS APPEAR SHOPPING FOR A NEW COAT

· Collins being a sweetheart and telling Angel she doesn’t have to do this for him and Angel’s little “Hush your mouth its Christmas”

· The look Layton gives the vendor when she offers Angel that ugly ass coat... Stunning. Hilarious. I’m choking.

· KISS ME IT’S BEGINNING TO SNOW.

· Mark retelling the past half hour of the production as he suddenly appears with Roger and is trying to get to grips with the whole Mimi/Roger thing

· Roger spotting MImi and being like there she is and Mark and his one track mind is like MAUREEN?! And Roger’s voice literally sounds like an eyeroll as he says “MIMI!!!”

· Mark’s “WHoa?!” Like ummm how did you get her interested in you Roger?

· Then the whole thing descends into chaos and its brilliant and everyone’s shouting and singing and Collins sees his old coat and he’s like fuck you but Angel wants to buy him one so she’s there haggling and Mark is filming them both again as they hug in the snow and it’s so fucking cute

· “WHich way to the stage!”

· LUCIE JONES DESERVES A TONY AWARD, AN OSCAR AND A NOBEL PEACE PRIZE. I CAN’T EVEN BEGIN TO DESCRIBE HER PERFORMANCE. IT IS OUT OF THE PARK. WE ARE SOMEWHERE IN THE STRATOSPHERE OF BRILLIANCE AND PURE TALENT. THE NOTE SHE HOLDS FOR HALF A MINUTE, THE MOOING, THE ECHO, THE DEPTH OF HER VOICE, THE FUCKING MILK DRINKING, THE AUDIENCE REACTION. I LIVE FOR IT. And I used to think that song was weird af and now… I’d dance to it at my wedding

· WHEN MAUREEN IS PRETENDING TO DRINK THE MILK FROM ELSIE’S UDDER AND COLLINS TURNED TO MARK AND SAID “Hey Mark, d’you remember this?!” AND ON THE LAST NIGHT WE WERE THERE IT WAS SO LOUD AND I FUCKING CHOKED AND THEY WERE JUST ON THE VERY EDGE OF COMING OUT OF CHARACTER. BILLY WAS JUST GLARING AT RYAN AND HE WAS GRINNING AWAY TO HIMSELF AND GOD BLESS THE WRITERS FOR ADDING THAT IN BECAUSE IT’S NOT IN THE ORIGINAL SCRIPT OR THE FILM EITHER AND IT IS T H E BEST THING THAT EVER COULD’VE HAPPENED IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. SERIOUSLY.

· Watching everyone else through Maureen’s performance is also the cutest thing. Angel and Collins were clicking along and Mimi was trying to teach Roger the Over The Moon dance

· Also Joanne had me giggling the whole way through. She was stood in the background holding the boombox and whenever Maureen sings the chorus she holds it up so the backing track sounds louder. But she was wearing this beige/brown roll neck under her coat and as she lifted the boombox her coat would come open and I swear I thought I was seeing skin and I was like JOANNE!?? Where are your clothes woman!

· Anyway… That whole song was legendary and I can’t believe I’m so blessed to have seen it.

· Then we head straight into La Vie Boheme which is a personal favourite anyway but it was just to die for. All the movement of the tables, the hand clapping, the kissing, seeing Lucie Jones’ bum three times, everyone basically pretending to bang and masturbate and Mark riding Collins like a motorbike and Mimi and Angel’s friendship and just the purity of believing in something and being something that other people can’t understand. It’s a beautiful song.

· And we take a break from it to watch Roger and Mimi sing their lil duet an that’s really cute and sweet and HOW HAS IT TAKEN THEM THIS LONG I SWEAR TO ALL THE GODS

· Ok so during I Should Tell You everyone else is frozen in the background sitting round a table but on the Friday night, Ryan was just standing and then one of the swings came in and he just beckoned her over and they hugged and he gave her a lil kiss on the forehead and that was the cutest thing ever

· And on the Saturday night they’d been having issues with the tables and then Maureen’s chair was too close to another bit of the stage so she couldn’t pull it out to sit down so she was just in the background wrestling with it and it was just so funny

· And then we come crashing back into La Vie Boheme B which I’m currently trying to learn all the words too because it’s brilliant and beautiful and it’s for everyone, everyone should be accepted and loved an-THE RIOT CONITUES

· Yeah… One minute you’re all singing and then BAM Mark’s there shouting about a riot and the Christmas tree is burning down and Mimi and Roger are kissing in the rafters

· “The snow dances”

· Seriously everything Mark says is poetic af

· VIVA. LA VIE. BOHEME.

· Crash. Bang. End act. Sit and scream internally for 20 minutes while you wait for imminent death to occur.

#rent #rent the musical #rent on stage #rent20 #jonathan larson #billy cullum #mark cohen #ross hunter #roger davis #ryan o'gorman #tom collins #layton williams #angel dumott schunard #shanay holmes #joanne jefferson #lucie jones #maureen johnson #philippa stefanie #mimi marquez

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flauntpage · 7 years ago

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I Got Stoned in Vegas and Placed a Bunch of Silly Sports Bets

On Tuesday, the Vegas Golden Knights won their first home game in franchise history, 5-2 against the Arizona Coyotes. The Knights' second game wasn't until Friday, leaving me an extra day in Las Vegas to get in trouble. In the interest of creating content and winning thousands of dollars, I finally did the most VICE thing possible—I partook in marijuana and documented my attempt to turn $150 into $3,100, the exact amount I require to retire.

I chronicled my Thursday night as best I could. (All times Pacific)

3:00 PM — I head to the Westgate Superbook. I imagine this room is what heaven looks like. Westgate boasts the most prop bets in Vegas, and the plan is to do a six-team parlay for $50 and 10 silly prop bets for $10 each. Unfortunately, the only games with prop bets are the Eagles-Panthers game and Game 5 of Cubs-Nationals but there are enough things to blow money on.

The parlay pays $3,000; the props are $100, give or take a few bucks. I'm going to be rich but I promise not to get all power-hungry once I'm a wealthy gambling magnate.

3:30 PM — Bets are placed. In the interest of drama, I won't reveal the actual bets, just the games I bet on.

3:45 PM — I walk to Essence, a marijuana dispensary. I imagine this room is what heaven smells like. I buy a gram of the Ghost Train Haze, a sativa that offers a lucid high with notes of lemon zest. I spark it up behind the building in a marijuana pipe made from the mahogany of Jimi Hendrix's guitar from Woodstock.

OK, fine. I bought an $11 Reese's Pieces cereal bar.

4:00 PM — I try to get a Lyft from the dispensary to Caesars Palace but they only pick up in casino parking lots, so I walk over to Stratosphere carrying this giant white envelope with my hardcore weed drugs inside. I think to myself, "Doesn't this white envelope signal to people that I'm carrying drugs so they should kick my ass and take them?"

4:15 PM — My Lyft driver informs me, unprompted, that people get their asses kicked all the time because they're walking with a giant white envelope that everyone knows has weed in it.

4:18 PM — We nearly die in the car because some other person swerves. I realize that if that was the moment I died, with an uneaten marijuana cereal bar in one hand and a bus with Brad Garrett's face resting on my crushed body, that would have been a really funny way to go.

4:25 PM — I take my drugs into the bathroom at Caesars. I'm pretty sure I can just open this giant envelope in the lobby and eat my drugs, but I'm pre-paranoid. So I sit on the toilet, crack the envelope (that's not a euphemism for farting), rip open the bag (again, not a euphemism), and stuff my face with drugs. It's less a cereal bar and more just individual Reese's Pieces cereal bites, and one falls out of my hand and onto the bathroom floor.

4:26 PM — I stare at the fallen piece.

4:26 PM — I consider eating it.

4:26 PM — "Don't drugs cancel out germs?"

4:27 PM — I decide to cut my losses and throw away the fallen piece of drugs.

4:30 PM — Penguins at Lightning and Blues at Panthers are underway. Riches are not far behind.

5:00 PM — After eating a chicken Caesar salad, the thing that passes as healthy when it's Day 3 in Vegas even though it's probably worse for you than a cheeseburger, I decide to sit in the poker room, play cards and watch sports. The poker room is right next to the sports book so there's a good energy. Cubs-Nationals is about to start.

5:10 PM — I'm very aware of the fact I am not high yet.

5:15 PM — Lightning are up 1-0.

5:17 PM — I mean, I asked the woman behind the counter if I needed to buy a second weed bar and she insisted this would be enough. I'm worried I wasted money.

5:18 PM — Are anyone else's teeth vibrating? Why is my face so warm all of a sudden? God, have you ever just run your hands over a felt table? It's incredible. Why is everyone at the poker table staring at me? What? Do they know I'm high? Is it illegal to be high? Just be cool, be cool... oh, there are cards in front of me and it's my turn to act.

5:30 PM — Eagles-Panthers has begun. I can no longer focus on cards.

5:42 PM — That jerk who kicked that 80-yard FG against the Giants opens the scoring against the Panthers, giving me my first victory of the night. At +142, I've already got $24.20 back in my pocket. I'm going to win enough money to buy VICE Sports and turn it into an Eli Manning fan site. Prepare to lose your stake in the company, Shane Smith! I'm going to be your boss!

5:43 PM — Lightning are still up 1 and the Panthers are leading the Blues 1-0.

5:45 PM — Bryce Harper and Kris Bryant are both 0-for-1, so my total bases prop bet is even. I've got Bryant so I feel pretty good.

5:49 PM — Daniel Murphy homers. The casino is rocking. I'm indifferent.

5:55 PM — Michael Taylor hits a three-run homer off Kyle Hendricks, who earlier that day I said was, "the most underrated pitcher in baseball."

5:59 PM — Lightning still winning, Panthers still winning, Wild-Blackhawks has started and is scoreless.

6:08 PM — Bryant doubles. That's two total bases for me. Suck it, Bryce Harper!

6:10 PM — After revisiting my betting slips, I realize that my prop bet is actually Bryant vs. Murphy, so I'm losing 4-2. I'm not handling my buzz very well.

6:21 PM — Gio Gonzalez strikes out Jason Heyward for his fifth K of the game. I bet the under on his Ks for the game, which was four, so there's $10 I'll never see again. Heyward almost single-handedly lost this bet for me.

6:45 PM — Panthers are now up 4-1 on the Blues. I have now added alcohol to this evening. I'm also playing in a two-table poker tournament I was told would have 45-50 entrants and am not happy about it. I'm gambling angry and distracted by all the sports. I can also feel the inside of my tongue. Everything is pretty great actually.

7:02 PM — There is a lot of passion in the room and people are truly appreciating the tense moments in this Cubs-Nationals game and showing respect for athletes at the peak of their lives.

7:03 PM — "Eat fucking shit, Max Scherzer!" some dork in a tracksuit screams at the TV as he gives up the lead to the Cubs. He probably had $9 on the under or something.

7:04 PM — I'm pretty sure I saw the Cash Cab guy in the stands. I can't believe how high I am. I'm bad at this.

7:10 PM — Panthers are up 5-1.

7:15 PM — I notice the Cubs and Nationals have combined for 28 runs/hits/errors in like the sixth inning, so that's another prop bet win on the over 24 runs/hits/errors. That's another $19.10 coming back to me for a total of $43.30. I'm so rich. I will host VICE News on HBO. I'm going to run this place.

7:24 PM — Lightning win. That gets me 1/6th of the way to the parlay. I've got this. I know it.

7:25 PM — The Blues lose to the Panthers and the parlay is dead. It is at this time I'd like to apologize to everyone at VICE, especially Shane Smith, about threatening to buy the company and transforming it into an Eli Manning fan site. That was irresponsible of me and should never have happened. VICE does great work and I'm glad to be part of it in this small capacity.

7:36 PM — I am now out of the tournament. Turns out the guy I knew was bluffing was not. All I have left at this time are the prop bets.

7:49 PM — Kelvin Benjamin gets to over 55 yards, another win for me.

8:00 PM — I've left Caesars to go to Aria, because for some reason I have this uncontrollable urge for pizza and that casino has the best casino pizza in the world. I just don't get why I want pizza so badly or why it feels so weird when I run my teeth over my tongue.

8:30 PM — In the interest of time, here are the results of my other prop bets:

LOSSES Panthers -10.5 over the Eagles (not even close!) That Bryant vs. Murphy total bases bet (stupid Bryant)

WINS Cam Newton under 1.5 touchdown passes Carson Wentz under 251.5 passing yards

PUSH Eagles-Panthers 5 sacks total

PARLAY WINS Lightning over Penguins Wild over Blackhawks Cubs over Nationals Eagles-Panthers Over 44

PARLAY LOSSES Stupid dumbass overrated Blues Stupid dumbass overrated Panthers

DRUG WINS Me

When this adventure began, I handed $150 to a teller at Westgate. When it ends, I cash $125 in prop tickets, so that's a loss of $25 on that stupid adventure that could have made me CEO of VICE.

Although, while I was playing poker at Caesars, I won $150 playing cash and lost $125 on the dumb tournament, which means after six hours of gambling, I finished...

Even.

Well, the weed bar cost $11, but I feel like I came out ahead on that.

I Got Stoned in Vegas and Placed a Bunch of Silly Sports Bets published first on http://ift.tt/2pLTmlv

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amtushinfosolutionspage · 7 years ago

Text

I Got Stoned in Vegas and Placed a Bunch of Silly Sports Bets

On Tuesday, the Vegas Golden Knights won their first home game in franchise history, 5-2 against the Arizona Coyotes. The Knights’ second game wasn’t until Friday, leaving me an extra day in Las Vegas to get in trouble. In the interest of creating content and winning thousands of dollars, I finally did the most VICE thing possible—I partook in marijuana and documented my attempt to turn $150 into $3,100, the exact amount I require to retire.

I chronicled my Thursday night as best I could. (All times Pacific)

The parlay pays $3,000; the props are $100, give or take a few bucks. I’m going to be rich but I promise not to get all power-hungry once I’m a wealthy gambling magnate.

3:30 PM — Bets are placed. In the interest of drama, I won’t reveal the actual bets, just the games I bet on.

OK, fine. I bought an $11 Reese’s Pieces cereal bar.

4:00 PM — I try to get a Lyft from the dispensary to Caesars Palace but they only pick up in casino parking lots, so I walk over to Stratosphere carrying this giant white envelope with my hardcore weed drugs inside. I think to myself, “Doesn’t this white envelope signal to people that I’m carrying drugs so they should kick my ass and take them?”

4:15 PM — My Lyft driver informs me, unprompted, that people get their asses kicked all the time because they’re walking with a giant white envelope that everyone knows has weed in it.

4:18 PM — We nearly die in the car because some other person swerves. I realize that if that was the moment I died, with an uneaten marijuana cereal bar in one hand and a bus with Brad Garrett’s face resting on my crushed body, that would have been a really funny way to go.

4:25 PM — I take my drugs into the bathroom at Caesars. I’m pretty sure I can just open this giant envelope in the lobby and eat my drugs, but I’m pre-paranoid. So I sit on the toilet, crack the envelope (that’s not a euphemism for farting), rip open the bag (again, not a euphemism), and stuff my face with drugs. It’s less a cereal bar and more just individual Reese’s Pieces cereal bites, and one falls out of my hand and onto the bathroom floor.

4:26 PM — I stare at the fallen piece.

4:26 PM — I consider eating it.

4:26 PM — “Don’t drugs cancel out germs?”

4:27 PM — I decide to cut my losses and throw away the fallen piece of drugs.

4:30 PM — Penguins at Lightning and Blues at Panthers are underway. Riches are not far behind.

5:00 PM — After eating a chicken Caesar salad, the thing that passes as healthy when it’s Day 3 in Vegas even though it’s probably worse for you than a cheeseburger, I decide to sit in the poker room, play cards and watch sports. The poker room is right next to the sports book so there’s a good energy. Cubs-Nationals is about to start.

5:10 PM — I’m very aware of the fact I am not high yet.

5:15 PM — Lightning are up 1-0.

5:17 PM — I mean, I asked the woman behind the counter if I needed to buy a second weed bar and she insisted this would be enough. I’m worried I wasted money.

5:18 PM — Are anyone else’s teeth vibrating? Why is my face so warm all of a sudden? God, have you ever just run your hands over a felt table? It’s incredible. Why is everyone at the poker table staring at me? What? Do they know I’m high? Is it illegal to be high? Just be cool, be cool… oh, there are cards in front of me and it’s my turn to act.

5:30 PM — Eagles-Panthers has begun. I can no longer focus on cards.

5:42 PM — That jerk who kicked that 80-yard FG against the Giants opens the scoring against the Panthers, giving me my first victory of the night. At +142, I’ve already got $24.20 back in my pocket. I’m going to win enough money to buy VICE Sports and turn it into an Eli Manning fan site. Prepare to lose your stake in the company, Shane Smith! I’m going to be your boss!

5:43 PM — Lightning are still up 1 and the Panthers are leading the Blues 1-0.

5:45 PM — Bryce Harper and Kris Bryant are both 0-for-1, so my total bases prop bet is even. I’ve got Bryant so I feel pretty good.

5:49 PM — Daniel Murphy homers. The casino is rocking. I’m indifferent.

5:55 PM — Michael Taylor hits a three-run homer off Kyle Hendricks, who earlier that day I said was, “the most underrated pitcher in baseball.”

5:59 PM — Lightning still winning, Panthers still winning, Wild-Blackhawks has started and is scoreless.

6:08 PM — Bryant doubles. That’s two total bases for me. Suck it, Bryce Harper!

6:10 PM — After revisiting my betting slips, I realize that my prop bet is actually Bryant vs. Murphy, so I’m losing 4-2. I’m not handling my buzz very well.

6:21 PM — Gio Gonzalez strikes out Jason Heyward for his fifth K of the game. I bet the under on his Ks for the game, which was four, so there’s $10 I’ll never see again. Heyward almost single-handedly lost this bet for me.

6:45 PM — Panthers are now up 4-1 on the Blues. I have now added alcohol to this evening. I’m also playing in a two-table poker tournament I was told would have 45-50 entrants and am not happy about it. I’m gambling angry and distracted by all the sports. I can also feel the inside of my tongue. Everything is pretty great actually.

7:02 PM — There is a lot of passion in the room and people are truly appreciating the tense moments in this Cubs-Nationals game and showing respect for athletes at the peak of their lives.

7:03 PM — “Eat fucking shit, Max Scherzer!” some dork in a tracksuit screams at the TV as he gives up the lead to the Cubs. He probably had $9 on the under or something.

7:04 PM — I’m pretty sure I saw the Cash Cab guy in the stands. I can’t believe how high I am. I’m bad at this.

7:10 PM — Panthers are up 5-1.

7:15 PM — I notice the Cubs and Nationals have combined for 28 runs/hits/errors in like the sixth inning, so that’s another prop bet win on the over 24 runs/hits/errors. That’s another $19.10 coming back to me for a total of $43.30. I’m so rich. I will host VICE News on HBO. I’m going to run this place.

7:24 PM — Lightning win. That gets me 1/6th of the way to the parlay. I’ve got this. I know it.

7:25 PM — The Blues lose to the Panthers and the parlay is dead. It is at this time I’d like to apologize to everyone at VICE, especially Shane Smith, about threatening to buy the company and transforming it into an Eli Manning fan site. That was irresponsible of me and should never have happened. VICE does great work and I’m glad to be part of it in this small capacity.

7:36 PM — I am now out of the tournament. Turns out the guy I knew was bluffing was not. All I have left at this time are the prop bets.

7:49 PM — Kelvin Benjamin gets to over 55 yards, another win for me.

8:00 PM — I’ve left Caesars to go to Aria, because for some reason I have this uncontrollable urge for pizza and that casino has the best casino pizza in the world. I just don’t get why I want pizza so badly or why it feels so weird when I run my teeth over my tongue.

8:30 PM — In the interest of time, here are the results of my other prop bets:

LOSSES Panthers -10.5 over the Eagles (not even close!) That Bryant vs. Murphy total bases bet (stupid Bryant)

WINS Cam Newton under 1.5 touchdown passes Carson Wentz under 251.5 passing yards

PUSH Eagles-Panthers 5 sacks total

PARLAY WINS Lightning over Penguins Wild over Blackhawks Cubs over Nationals Eagles-Panthers Over 44

PARLAY LOSSES Stupid dumbass overrated Blues Stupid dumbass overrated Panthers

DRUG WINS Me

When this adventure began, I handed $150 to a teller at Westgate. When it ends, I cash $125 in prop tickets, so that’s a loss of $25 on that stupid adventure that could have made me CEO of VICE.

Although, while I was playing poker at Caesars, I won $150 playing cash and lost $125 on the dumb tournament, which means after six hours of gambling, I finished…

Even.

Well, the weed bar cost $11, but I feel like I came out ahead on that.

I Got Stoned in Vegas and Placed a Bunch of Silly Sports Bets syndicated from http://ift.tt/2ug2Ns6