#and karen's life is honestly so tragic

[starcanwrecked-confessions]

ruth is better written and just generally a more interesting character than richie is.

hell ruth gets her own song!!

but i think she isn’t payed attention to as much as richie is because she’s a woman.

people take richie so damn seriously when they treat ruth like a joke.

yes, ruth’s character can be ridiculous at times. but i argue richie is more ridiculous…

but ruth is actively humanized more throughout the story of npmd, especially during just for once with the parallels in the lyrics from the bbq monologues to her life.

also, the fact she is relating to a middle aged person disappointed in their life as someone who is 17-18, who has barely even started her life?

she’s so relatable and so tragic, and yet the fandom pushes her aside for a male character.

i could say the same for so many characters from the hatchetfield series: emma perkins, charlotte sweetly, donna daggit, becky barnes, stephanie lauter, karen chasity… dare i say webby and detective shapiro too?? there’s probably someone i’m forgetting but my point still stands. that is 8, 3 of them being main characters of their respective media. and 3 of the others are still incredibly important characters despite not being main characters.

(also, not even hatchetfield but it’s the same people in the general starkid fandom and tcb fandom: tatiana, barb, mother & daughter from tto, fucking ella ashmore. ella ashmore honestly! partly the men having more attention sometimes, but also the fact that i KNOW more people would have enjoyed the show if it was about a man. which is fucking disgusting. )

this fandom has such a problem of favoring men over women, and i’m so sick of it.

~~~

[schrijverr]

To Pay Medical Bills and Get Insurance

Divergence from chapter 7, where instead of hiding his family, Buck just tells them he has a ‘husband’ and kid at home when Hen asks how he ended up becoming a firefighter. To satiate her burning curiosity, Hen organizes a trip to the zoo with both their families, just to observe the whole situation more, gossiping with Karen as she goes.

On AO3.

Ships: Buddie (pre-slah), Henren

Warnings: none

~~~

Hen wasn’t sure about the new recruit when he first came in. She trusts Bobby’s judgment, but when Buck arrived with all his frat boy vibes, she couldn’t help but remember her start at the 118.

Fortunately, her worries were for nothing and she finds that she actually likes Buck quite a bit. He’s nice, easy to get along with and all around fun to have the station. He’s up for shenanigans and serious when they need him to.

Buck has been a good addition. He’s willing to argue about stupid stuff and willing to do the crazy stunts Hen prefers to pass up on. She has a wife and kid to come home to, you know.

That morning Bobby and Buck are puttering around in the kitchen – another good thing about Buck’s addition – while Hen and Chim are ‘helping’ AKA stealing bits of the prep work to snack on as they wait for breakfast.

She and Chim are talking about a call they once took, before the others even worked there. Chimney is definitely embellishing it, but she lets him. The probie can use an ego check sometimes, even if she has to be careful not to let Chimney’s ego get out of hand.

“They were super thankful,” Chimney finishes smugly. “It’s why I do what I do. The thanks.”

“Pff, alright saint,” Hen laughs, before directing her next comment to Buck. “What about you? What made you decide to become a firefighter?”

It’s out of a bored interest to avoid getting sucked into another Chimney tale, as much as she does love them. However, upon seeing Buck’s reaction that vague interest turns into piqued curiosity.

Buck physically pauses for a second, before he speaks with forced nonchalance. “Uh- oh- Me? I- I saw a movie with them. Looked cool.”

All of them look at him for a few beats of silence. None of them buy it for second. Hen hadn’t realized how horrid a liar Buck was, until that moment, but that was tragic. Truly tragic. She’s sure her disbelief shows on her face. It does for Bobby and Chimney at least.

“Okay, so that’s not the reason,” Buck says when he spots their expressions and it’s clear they don’t believe him.

“You don’t have to share unless you want to,” Bobby offers immediately.

Even if they don't believe a word of what Buck is saying, they’re not going to force him to change his story. A lot of times people get into this line of work, because something happened to them. They’re not going to make him talk about it, if he doesn’t want to.

Buck gives them a grateful smile, before he turns sheepish. “It’s nothing bad, just not very noble.”

“Not everyone’s is,” Hen replies with a smirk to Chimney, who elbows her for it.

That makes Buck laugh and he now looks to be more comfortable, which means Hen’s mission is accomplished. Then he says: “Honestly, I googled jobs that pay well without needing a college degree. I kinda needed the income on short notice and this spoke to me most. I’m glad it did, because I do love it, but it’s not the most glamorous story.”

“So you just stumbled upon this because you had bills to pay?” Hen asks, fascinated by that. Most people have a story or are a legacy, it’s her first time hearing something like this and it's quite interesting. She didn’t know that happened too.

Buck nods.

Sympathetically, Chimney says: “Played too hard and came face to face with real life?”

It’s not too far out there with what they know of Buck – which is barely anything at second thought – so it’s surprising when he recoils with a frown.

“What? No,” he says. “To pay medical bills and get insurance.”

“You were injured?” Bobby asks, sounding worried.

Hen shares the sentiment, scrutinizing Buck to see if she can spot where. Maybe he still has lingering effects or something? That’s good to keep in mind when out in the field. And definitely should have been in his file.

“Oh, no, not me. Eddie got injured, but those bills were mostly covered, but Chris has CP, it’s a permanent thing, you know, you need solid insurance,” Buck explains quickly, trying to assure them he won’t be a liability in the field.

None of them have heard any of those names before. Hen thinks, maybe he’s in some polycule with these people, which is why he didn’t say or he’s really close with his friends.

“And Chris and Eddie are...” she asks before anyone else can, leaving it open ended to not push any assumptions onto him. She hopes he feels comfortable sharing or is able to lie better about this. She wouldn’t have asked if didn’t she know that otherwise Bobby or Chim would have. And they’d be a lot less delicate.

Buck looks caught for a second, clearing his throat, before he grimace-smiles: “Long story.”

Hen is more than happy to let him leave it there, but before she can communicate that with the others, Chimney has exclaimed: “Oh come on, that’s such a non-answer.”

She steps on his foot, but it’s already too late. Buck’s features are painted with guilt. She is about to assure Buck he doesn’t have to say shit, but he’s already answering.

“Technically, Eddie is my husband.” His reply is tentative and there is something off in his voice.

Hen feels herself wince. She knows how hard it can be to put yourself out there like that and by the looks of it, Buck wasn’t planning on it. The technically also isn’t a great thing to say. Eva is technically Denny’s mom, that is what she means when she says ‘technically’ and ‘long story.’

Bobby and Chimney have both frozen, more unsure than Hen with the newly introduced queer aspect. To put all of them out of your misery, she says: “Thanks for sharing that. You know we always have your back, right?”

“Yeah.” “Of course!” the other two also jump on it to assure Buck.

“Thanks, you guys,” Buck says, a relieved smile breaking out. Then something pained gets mixed in and his smile becomes strained. “But it’s not like that. Uh, Eddie’s straight.”

“And what about Chris?” Chimney asks curiously now that they seemingly have permission to ask.

“Chris is six, so I don’t know. Not truly relevant for me,” Buck shrugs.

“Six?” Hen finds herself choking. “You have a kid?”

“Well, biologically he’s Eddie’s, according to LAFD paperwork he’s all mine, but we share,” Buck jokes, but it doesn’t really land. Buck clears his throat awkwardly, then explains: “I married Eddie to adopt Chris when he redeployed to pay the bills, medical debt is no joke. But it’s a convenience thing. We’re friends, that’s it.”

“That… that is very kind of you. To step up for your friend like that,” Bobby finally says after the room had been filled with dead air. Buck sends him a beaming smile.

“Though I have no clue how you’d end up in that situation,” Chimney adds. “Where is his mom?”

“Uh, she left when he was four, but I met her and Chris when he was three. I babysat, then she left, I became friendly with Eddie and it turned into a co-parenting thing and now we’re here,” Buck shrugs again, recounting it shortly and nonchalantly.

“Now you’re here,” Hen can’t help but repeat, slightly disbelieving.

She can still remember how her and Karen nearly broke apart over Denny. It’s not a situation you roll into easily, adoption, but apparently it is when you’re Buck. The way he tells it, he watched the kid and then never left and Eddie – the kid’s father – was fine with it, even married him to leave the kid with Buck for god knows how long while he was off being a soldier.

It doesn’t entirely rhyme yet in her head. And apparently it doesn’t for the others either, because they’re all quiet as they try to process.

“Yeah, I guess. Like, I said, long story,” Buck says after a beat, rubbing the back of his head.

“You can say that again,” Chimney says, looking at Buck with puzzled eyes as he plops another bit of prep work in his mouth. “I’m still trying to picture probie Buck as a dad. Haven’t figured that one out yet. No offense.”

Buck raises a brow at that, then sternly points the wooden spoon he picked up to stir in Chimney’s direction. “No more eating the prep work, young man. Or you won’t have an appetite later.”

They all gape at him, because it is a weird parody of the new recruit they’ve come to know. It’s not entirely out of character, more a highlight of the maturity they’ve seen shining through before, but it’s definitely not entirely familiar either.

The moment is broken by Buck giving out in a big smile as he rubs the back of his head. “I’m just kidding, I am definitely more the good cop.”

“Well you’ve convinced me,” Hen says, mildly impressed and a little disturbed.

“Thanks,” Buck gives her his puppy like smile, highlighting his youth. God, he’s already a parent, but he’s still a baby to her. Though, to be fair he’s already twenty-five. Still, a six year old at twenty-five is teen parent territory, even if Buck wasn’t a part of the conception.

At twenty-five she was still dating Eva and lying to herself that she wanted to be work pharmaceuticals, the idea of a having a family still a vague unreachable concept in her mind.

Hen wonders what this Eddie must be like. The bad cop. The other parent. The straight guy that married Buck for his son after his wife left. She has so many questions for Buck, but all feel too invasive – trust her, she’s used to invasive questions about her family – so she just looks at him, as if she can find the answers on his face.

Buck, meanwhile, seems completely oblivious to the fact that he has just radically altered their perception of him and has turned back to cooking breakfast, humming softly under his breath. The three of them share a confused look, before following his lead; apparently that conversation is over now.

However, thankfully for Hen’s burning curiosity, the conversation is not permanently over. Buck, it seems, is a bragger.

They’re answering a call in a book store, nothing major, possible broken hip of a grandmother shopping with her grandkids. As she is loaded onto a gurney, Buck picks up one of the books she dropped. “Hey, I know this book. Chris loves it, read it to him all the time. But he can already read it himself too. His teacher says he’s ahead in reading level.”

Jumping on the opening to learn more, Chimney asks: “Yeah, the little guy likes dinosaurs?”

“Oh definitely,” Buck snorts. “Kid’s obsessed. He loves animals in general. We’ve been campaigning to convince Eddie to get a membership to the zoo.”

“Denny loves the zoo too,” Hen interjects. “We can go with you sometimes. Me and Karen have a membership, maybe showing Eddie will convince him.”

Is it in part because she is highly curious about this Eddie and wants to know more? Yes. But it is also because Denny does really love the zoo as well and she knows how hard it can be to make friends as a parent in a new city. She just wants to help out.

“That sounds great!” Buck exclaims. “I have to warn you, though, me and Chris take zoo trips very seriously. Eddie has basically uninvited himself, because he thinks we get too into it.”

“You clearly haven’t met Karen yet,” Hen snorts.

“Making plans later, people, helping now,” Bobby reminds them as he comes up behind them.

“I’ll text,” Hen mouths to Buck, before turning back to their patient. Chimney totally had her while she and Buck talked, just like she had her when Chimney talked. They can multitask.

And indeed she does text, after discussing it with Karen, who immediately gets invested in whatever is happening between Buck and his straight husband. She pushes Hen to invite Eddie along as well, since Karen is coming too, which Buck agrees to.

So, when they have a weekend off, they find themselves waiting at LA zoo for Buck, Eddie and Chris, with Denny by their side.

Hen – who knows who they’re looking for – spots them first. Buck towers over most and Eddie isn’t short either. For a second, she just watches them, observing. Buck is chattering excitedly with the boy who is with them, who is chattering as well, replying to what Buck is saying. Eddie seems to be content to listen, vaguely nodding along and commenting here and there.

Eddie is dressed pretty low key, but stylish and comfortable. Basic, but classic, she supposes. While he isn’t participating heavily, he appears to be genuinely listening and emerged in the conversation. As she watches, he makes a comment that makes Buck and Chris laugh as they roll their eyes, a self satisfied smirk coming onto Eddie’s face.

Having observed them in their unobserved, natural habitat for long enough, she hollers: “Buck! Hi, over here.”

At the sound of his name, Buck perks up to attention like a puppy, halting whatever reaction he was about to give Eddie. He spots Hen with her family and smiles at them as he gives them a big wave.

When they get there, Buck says hello to all of them, before he gives Hen a hug. Then he shakes Karen’s hand, saying: “Buck, hi, nice to meet you,” before turning to Denny and smiling: “And you must be Denny. How’d ya wanna say hello?”

Denny holds his hand up for a high five. Buck grins as he nods, giving Denny his high five as he says: “High five, I like it. Good choice.” That makes Denny smile.

With that ice broken, Buck steps to the side slightly to put Chris in the line of sight from where he is standing next to Eddie. He looks at Denny with big eyes. Denny is a year older, which at that age, means he is ancient and cool. Buck says: “Wanna meet Chris?”

“Yeah,” Denny smiles with a nod, before stepping forwards. Hen watches with pride as he introduces himself to Chris with nothing but gentle kindness, just like they always try to teach him. “Hi, I’m Denny. It’s nice to meet you.”

“I’m Chris,” Chris introduces himself, standing up a little straighter and slightly more confident as he replies: “It’s nice to meet you too.”

As the kids introduce themselves, Eddie keeps to the background, but now he steps forward, shaking both Hen’s and Karen’s hand as he says: “Eddie, it’s nice to meet you.” To Hen he adds: “Buck told me a lot about you.”

“Only good things I hope,” Hen smiles humorously.

“Of course, of course,” Eddie grins. Then he turns to Denny, holding up his own hand for a high five, which Denny gives him happily. “I’m Eddie, Chris’s other dad. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you,” Denny smiles happily.

With that all done for, Buck claps his hands and says: “Who’s ready for the zoo?”

“Me!” both Chris and Denny cheer.

“Then let’s rock ‘n roll,” Buck says, matching their enthusiasm, before the group moves towards the queue.

As they walk, Eddie leans in and whispers: “One day he’s going to know you’re a dork for that and think you’re lame, you know that right?”

“Yup,” Buck says chipperly. “But today is not yet that day, you kill-joy.”

“Just keeping your ego in check,” Eddie shrugs, playfully shoulder checking Buck, who lets out a loud laugh, before skipping forward to catch up with Chris and Denny, interrogating them about what they’re most excited to see today, while Eddie rolls his eyes fondly.

Hen turns away from the scene to Karen with a raised brow. Her beautiful, smart wife is already giving her the same look in reply.

She goes to walk next to Eddie, smiling and nodding to Buck as he comments: “Still a big kid himself sometimes, huh?”

Eddie looks surprised for a second, then laughs too. “Yeah, definitely. But he’s an adult when it counts, no one budgets like Buck. It’s terrifying.”

“Oh, clipboard Buck comes out at home too?” Hen asks, slightly delighted at the thought.

“That’s what you call him? I’ve been calling it Planner Evan, but yeah, he has notebook, which I guess is close,” Eddie says. “He’s worse than some of my drill sargents sometimes, but he gets results, we definitely wouldn’t be going to the zoo as often without him.”

“Why not invest in a membership?” Karen also joins the conversation. “It honestly spares a lot of costs in the long run. I made a spread sheet about it, I could get Hen to send it to you, so you can look it over.”

“That would be great, thank you,” Eddie says, sounding a little pained.

Hen remembers that he’s in camp not wanting a membership, probably not a huge fan of getting more opposition. Just to be nosy, she asks: “You don’t want to?”

“I do, but Buck wants to get one for me too, but honestly, I usually don’t come on these excursions. I was mostly a little curious about meeting one of his infamous coworkers,” Eddie confesses.

“Well, I hope I live up to the hype,” Hen jokes.

“Of course you do, you’re great,” Karen immediately defends her.

“Thank you, babe.”

“So far, I am definitely impressed. I was an army medic, but some of the things Buck describes you doing is truly something. You sound like you’re amazing at your job,” Eddie says.

Hen flushes a bit, but Karen beams with pride, slinging an arm around Hen as she brags: “That’s my wife, the best paramedic in LA.”

“Thank you,” Hen smiles warmly at her wife, before admitting: “I was also very curious to meet you, I have to be honest. We didn’t expect Buck to pull a family out of thin air. Chimney tried to come along just to check that he wasn’t lying. We all kind of pegged him as a frat boy.”

“Buck?” Eddie says incredulously. He squints as he studies Buck for a second, then shakes his head: “I guess he kind of has a face and is way too social, but no.”

“Way too social?” Hen repeats with amusement. “That why you usually pass up on the zoo? Or just not a fan?”

“Not the zoo in particularly, but crowds in general, yeah,” Eddie says, wrinkling his nose at the mention of crowds. “Besides, I don’t get excited about it like they do,” he adds, nodding to others. Whatever Buck is talking about got the two boys hanging onto his lips and bouncing in excitement, his own sparkle in his eye as well. “It’s more their thing. He just wants me to get a membership because he fells bad about excluding me.”

“Ah,” Hen nods, wanting to pry more, but not wanting to scare Eddie off. He seems like an okay guy and asking if that’s an issue in his non-relationship with Buck seems a little much for a first meeting.

“Anyway, enough about me,” Eddie says awkwardly, despite having shared almost nothing about himself, having mostly talked about Buck and Chris. “ I hear, you’re a rocket scientist, Karen? That is so cool. What kind of stuff do you do?”

Karen loves talking about her work and Hen loves listening to her wife, so they stay with the topic on their way into the park. Then Karen directs herself at Buck as she says: “Hen said you had a plan about tackling the park? We usually do too, but we’re letting you lead.”

“Yes,” Buck nods with a serious look on his face, unfolding the map he already has in his bag. “We mapped out a route for optimal animal engagement. The weather should remain nicely average, so there is a good chance we’ll see the large predators, so they’re on the list, but it’s getting a little colder later, so we’re also going by the reptile exhibit. That sound good with everyone?”

The kids cheer and Hen and Eddie nod vaguely, their opinion clearly doesn’t count. Karen looks pleased, stepping forward to look at the map as she says: “That sounds perfect. You drew this out beforehand?”

“Yeah, we usually grab a fresh map each time, so we can plan the next visit,” Buck says, showing her the map better. “Chris is into reptiles and Hen mentioned Denny likes the Savanna, so we tried to plan with that in mind. And of course the weather.”

“That’s a great system,” Karen says as they all start to walk, Chris talking lead with Denny, Karen and Buck right on their tails, while Hen and Eddie close the ranks.

“Karen the planner?” Eddie asks with amusement, nodding at the two.

“Definitely,” Hen snorts fondly. Her wife is the best.

For the first part of the day, it remains like that with Hen and Eddie talking about firefighting, since he is thinking about joining the academy. Karen sometimes comes by, but she with Buck are mostly in charge of the kids, looking as excited as them when they indeed spot the animals, which is watched fondly from the sidelines by Hen and Eddie.

Denny and Chris have become fast friends – which is easier at that age, but it’s still a relief to the parents – pointing the animals out to each other and bouncing fun facts back and forth. It’s clear Buck has had a hand in raising Chris; when he’s sharing his face and mannerisms are just like him. It’s a little trippy if Hen is honest, but also adorable. Buck seems like a great dad.

At lunch, the others return back to reform the group with Buck announcing: “The children have spoken, we’re eating at the Fork in the Road.”

Hen and Karen are more than fine with that, so they nod. It’s definitely lunch time and eating something and sitting down for a moment, looking at the kids, they probably feel the same. Buck must notice that last thing too, because he calls out to Eddie: “Hey, Eddie, piggy back race to the restaurant?”

Eddie glances at the kids, before a competitive grin comes on his face: “You’re on.” He looks and Chris, quirking his brow. “You wanna hitch a ride, mijo? We have to show papi we’re still the fastest.”

“Okay,” Chris agrees easily and with a big grin.

As Eddie lets Chris clamber on, Buck turns to Denny, asking: “You good to be my passenger? Or should I ask one of your moms instead?”

Denny giggles at that. ���No, I can go.”

“Whoo, let’s go then,” Buck says, scooping Denny up and sprinting off, as he calls back to Eddie: “You’re already too slow.”

“You’re playing unfair,” Eddie calls back, setting off after him.

Hen and Karen keep walking at their regular pace, laughing at their antics, while slowly the delighted shrieks of the kids disappear. Karen does look to Hen and suddenly asks: “Are we becoming old and boring?”

“Nah, we’re being sensible. They’re just still young and too energetic,” Hen tells her, slinging her arm around her as they walk. “So, what do you think of Buck?”

“He’s nice, I like him,” Karen says. “I can definitely see what you mean when you said he’s like a big kid, but he’s really good with the kids. And you’re totally right about all the fun facts, I don’t know where in his brain he stores them. How’s Eddie?”

“Good company, nice sense of humor. A bit emotionally stunted, but not in a noticeable way. More in a guy way. I think he grew up catholic,” she says.

“Ah, that type,” Karen nods. “Repressed?”

“Definitely a bit,” Hen confirms.

The two of them chat a little more about their company, before reaching the agreed upon restaurant, where they spot Eddie on a table with the kids, Buck nowhere in sight. As they come up, Karen asks: “So, who won?”

“Me and Buck, mom, we did,” Denny says proudly.

“You were cheating,” Chris pouts.

“We never agreed on the rules,” Denny counters.

“I’m still a little injured. Definitely not playing fair,” Eddie backs up his son. Much to Hen’s amusement, they have the same crease on their forehead. A bit of a sore loser then.

However, before they can start – what is clearly – rehashing the argument, Hen decides to ask: “So where is Buck?”

“He’s in the line,” Eddie says nodding to the food line. “We’re holding down the fort. But I can go pass along your orders?”

“Nah, I’ll wait with him,” Hen assures him. “Your usual?” she asks Karen, who nods.

Leaving the four of them behind, she goes to find Buck in the line, greeting him with: “Did Eddie put you on waiting duty, because you beat him or is this your usual task?”

“A bit of both,” Buck laughs. “Though it was cheating a little. Eddie has only been running again for a few weeks.”

“You both mentioned, he was injured,” Hen prompts.

“Oh, yeah,” Buck’s eyes get pained as he says that, as if remembering something unpleasant. “His chopper got shot down, uh, whole platoon nearly died. He pulled them out, got a Silver Star and three bullets in him for his troubles.”

Hen takes a moment to process. “Whoa, that’s quite a lot. He seems to be recovering well.”

“Yeah, thank god for that. Let me tell you, not a great call to get, that your husband is in surgery in Germany somewhere after getting airlifted from the battle field,” Buck says.

“Husband,” Hen repeats, curious at why he phrased it like that.

“Well, not like that, but you know. Still my best friend and my kid’s other dad,” Buck blushes.

Hen suddenly realizes Buck does want it to be like that with Eddie. A burst of sympathy goes through her at the realization, but standing in like at the Fork in the Road in the middle of the zoo, doesn’t feel like the time and place to get into it. “Must have been scary,” is what she says instead.

“It was. Luckily, he returned home okay,” Buck says, injecting a bit too much cheer into his voice. “It’s why we didn’t end up divorcing. So Chris could stay on my insurance while he recovers. He would have pushed himself to all Hell if given the chance. Having Chris is good for him, so I can tell him to sit his ass down and pretend it’s about Chris, while it’s about him too. Picking a table is a very important task in our family,” he tells her conspiratorially.

“Of course,” Hen nods with am understanding smile. Chris needs to sit sometimes, needs someone to carry him when he’s doing this much walking. They’ve become quite a team at making him feel like other kids, while making sure his needs are met. It’s no surprise Buck is using those skills on Eddie too.

“Are you enjoying today a little?” Buck changes topics. “I know Karen is – she is awesome, by the way, she knows so much about space, it’s so cool – but I feel like we’ve barely spoken.”

Hen assures him she’s enjoying today and that Eddie is great company, also enjoying Buck’s company as they wait. This outing started out of curiosity, but she is genuinely having a grand time. It’s also good for trust in the field, to get closer to coworkers like this and she really hopes Buck is there to stay. She likes the guy.

Soon they’re returning to the table with the trays, handing them out. Buck plops down next to Eddie when he’s done and Eddie gives him a critical look.

“What? Got something on my face?” Buck asks.

“No,” Eddie shakes his head, reaching into the backpack. “I don’t know how with this weather, but your nose is burning. You always forget your nose.” He comes back up with a bottle of sunscreen, putting some on his hand as he motions Buck to lean over. “Here, I’ll get it.”

Buck only becomes redder at the gesture, but goes easily too. It speaks of a familiarity, as if this is not the first time they’ve done that.

Eddie seems oblivious to Buck’s reaction, efficiently applying the sunscreen to Buck’s face, before turning to Chris. He puts more sunscreen on his hand as he says: “You too, mijo. We don’t want you to burn. There is still sun, even when there are clouds.” Chris pouts a little, but goes easily too, letting his dad fuss.

After that, lunch continues as normal. It’s fun and restful, but soon they’re on their way to the reptile exhibit.

The reptile exhibit is less walking and they spend more time in front of each habitat, Chris’s face pressed to the glass as he tries to get the best look possible. Denny is slightly less interested, but happily joins his new friend.

Due to the slower nature of this venture, Karen has taken a step back from making sure no one gets lost, finding her place under Hen’s arm as they wander about.

Eddie is the opposite of thrilled to be in the exhibit, usually keeping his distance, but calling back encouraging things to Chris whenever he shares a fact.

Buck of course already knows this, so when Denny and Chris are watching a snake excitedly, he comes up to Eddie with a shit eating grin. “Don’t you wanna come take a closer look, Eddie?”

“You know I don’t,” Eddie glares at him.

“Come on, they’re really interesting creatures. And there is glass between you and them,” Buck tries to entice him.

“I’m not scared of them,” Eddie protests.

“I didn’t say you were,” Buck replies, slightly patronizing, letting Eddie knows he knows better. “It’s a Californian King, it’s found here as well as in Mexico. I thought maybe you’d feel some kinship with it or something. It’s currently Chris’s favorite. He’s going to ask your opinion.”

Eddie doesn’t look very pleased when he hears the name, nor when Buck tells him where it is found. He also looks unhappy at the knowledge that if he wants to make his kid happy, he’ll have to go look at the snake.

Buck makes a sympathetic face, his little shit-ness from earlier gone. He puts a comforting hand on Eddie’s shoulder and further sweetens the deal by adding: “I’ll be right there the whole time.”

A small beat of silence passes, then Eddie groans: “Fine. I’ll go look at the snake.”

“Yes,” Buck fist pumps.

He leads Eddie to the exhibit Denny and Chris are looking at, hand subconsciously landing on Eddie’s lower back. Eddie is tense all the way there, but relaxes slightly when Chris starts babbling excitedly about the snake.

Together, the four look at more exhibits, while Karen and Hen watch them look. Throughout the whole visit, Eddie never once leaves Buck’s side, nor does he comment on the hand that Buck keeps on him at all times.

After about an hour of this, Karen leans in and whispers: “Are you sure they’re platonically married?”

“I’m sure that’s what they think,” Hen whispers back.

“You said Eddie was repressed?” Karen asks and Hen confirms. Karen nods thoughtfully for a moment, then says: “I give them a year, before they figure it out.”

“Confident,” Hen laughs. “I give them two.”

“You have yourself a bet,” Karen grins, grabbing Hen’s hand so they can shake on it.

Amused, Hen comments: “Chimney is going to be so mad about me making him miss this.”

“It might be for the best that he missed it, though,” Karen says. “Something like this, you need to figure out in your own time. I love him, but Chim can’t keep a secret.”

“That he can’t,” Hen agrees with a huff of laughter.

Before they can continue to whisper together like two school girls, Buck calls out: “Hen, Karen, you guys ready to move onto the gift shop?” While in the background Chris and Denny are chanting: “Gift shop, gift shop!”

“We’re coming,” they call back, hurrying their steps to catch up.

In the gift shop, Denny convinces them that he desperately needs the lion plushy they have, while further down Chris tries to make a case about getting a snake plushy. As Hen half listens along, she gets what Buck meant when he said he’s usually the good cop. Chris gets his plushy.

Outside the zoo, they say goodbye, promising to meet up again, if not to go to the zoo, then to set up a play date, before they bundle a tired Denny into the car. The excitement of the day has caught up and he sleeps the whole route home.

Karen and Hen are happy to drive with the radio low. Karen looks out of the window, humming along to the songs, while Hen mentally thinks back on today.

She wasn’t sure about Buck when he first came in, but she is so happy she trusted Bobby’s judgment, because Buck is so much more than his frat boy vibes. In fact, Hen quite likes him. He has surprised her a lot with his maturity and his happy personality to keep their spirits up.

Overall, Buck has been a great addition to the 118 family and she’s more than ready to integrate him and his family further into hers. Hopefully one day, he and Eddie figure it out too, she can use more queer friends.

~~

A/N:

I looked up a map and the species that are found everywhere on the website for the LA zoo for this fic lmao

Also, Hen and Karen gossiping and speculating about their friends is so dear to me <3

(idk how old Denny is so I made it up here)

[miniteezez]

09:01

C.San x few reader

Part 3

Warnings: reader cries, little angst I guess but meh. Fluff. Karen.

Part 1 Part 2.

A/n: this will be it for now but I’ll update if I get any ideas :)

Sun shone in through the windows, the rays somehow targeting your eyes. Waking up from your slumber, you found yourself unable to move. Looking back, you found San wrapped around you. His face was pressed to your shoulder, hair splayed out messily on the pillow. Smiling, you carefully manoeuvred so you were laying flat on your back. Making sure he was still asleep, you carefully pulled San closer, resting his head comfortably on your chest. His arm subconscious curved around your waist, his hand fisting your shirt. You quickly took a picture, finding it to be really cute. Then, you sent your parents a message, just to let them know you were okay. A small groan made you look down as San began to stir. His eyes opened slowly, immediately looking up at you and smiling. 

"Morning. Did you sleep well?" Even though his words were slurred, you giggled and fluffed up his hair. 

"Very well. You're warm." San chuckled deeply, chest rumbling against your side. Wetting his lips, he blinked the sleep away half heartedly. In that moment, you felt so content. You felt safe, at peace, like everything was finally in the right place. Even in his half asleep state, San was beautiful. It was almost tragic too see. Almost painful to realise just how much you liked him. In the span of a week, you'd grown attached to the red-head and were so afraid of having to let go. What if your date went badly? Or he realised you were dull? What if he finally saw how ugly you felt? 

"(Y/n)? What's wrong?" San propped himself up, leaning over you. You blushed at the proximity, avoiding his gaze. 

"I'm just thinking." His eyes wondered over your features. From the crease of your brown to your downturned lips. He knew something was wrong.

"You can be honest with me. I won't laugh. I'll listen." San spoke sincerely, hoping his words would properly reach you. Sighing, you gulped a little and began voicing your thoughts.

"I'm just waiting for you to realise that I'm not good enough to be here with you." Now shocked, his eyes widened slightly.

"What are you talking about?" 

"Realistically, there's no reason for you to be interested in me. I'm not conventionally attractive. I'm boring. I'm fussy. I'm bossy. I'm just not good enough." Pouring your heart out to him, you started to feel really guilty for your small rant. 

"Sorry. I shouldn't have said that. That's only going to make it worse." Your eyes brimmed with tears. Quickly, San sat up and pulled you with him. Bringing you into his chest, he pressed his lips to your temple. 

"Dont apologise. I'm glad you could be honest with me." His fingers ran through your hair, as if to simply brush those thoughts away. 

"You know none of that is true right?" 

"It is." 

"Why because your aunt said so?" Sans voice was sharp, almost making you flinch. Unable to speak, you nod against his chest and bit down on your lip. 

"I honestly think she's just jealous. You're young, you're pretty, you've got a good life." Before you could disagree, San tilted your chin up to look at him.

"Who wants to be 'conventionally attractive'. That sounds boring. You're beautiful in my eyes." Your face went warm, the tips of your ears going red. 

"You have a glowing personality. You literally drew me in. I saw you sitting alone at the airport, and I knew I wanted to get to know you. Maybe you want your own way sometimes? We all do. It just shows you're stronger than most." As San was talking, you stared up at him like an idiot. A stray tear rolled down your cheek, feeling touched by his words. He brushed it away softly, leaving his hand on your cheek tentivley. 

"Maybe you don't understand? I really like you. As in I want to be your boyfriend. Eventually." San laughed as he said the last word, hoping he wasn't coming off as too eager. Finally, you smiled too, gazing at him lovingly. Maybe, for once, you could believe the nice things being said about yourself. Maybe you could even act brave. 

"I want to kiss you." San was taken aback by your honesty, letting out a shy chuckle. 

"I definitely don't mind that." That was the green light you needed, to lean forward to connect your lips together. Instantly, you melted into the kiss, arms wrapping around his neck. San smiled against your lips, using his free hand to hold your waist and bring you flush against him. When you pulled away to breathe, you stared at each other for a moment, unsure of what to say. Until San broke the ice.

"Do you want me to fight your aunt? I'm a black belt. I can take her out?" You both broke out into laughter, your head falling against his shoulder. Yes, you could allow yourself this one good thing.

After a little while, San brought you to the kitchen, where mingi and wooyoung were eating. Upon seeing you, the youngest whistled. San shoved him lightly, helping you onto a stool.

"Breakfast, (y/n)?" Mingi asked, smiling at you kindly. You shook your head, watching as San began to chop some fruit.

"I dont really eat breakfast." Everyone looked at you confused, wooyoung putting down his toast. 

"What? Why not?" 

"It makes me bloat. Then I look awful. So I wait until I'm done for the day to eat." Shaking his head, San continued to cut up his fruit before getting out a pot of yoghurt. 

"You look beautiful no matter what. So you're eating, OK?" Blushing, you stared down and the counter, bobbing your head. The boys laughed quietly as San sat beside you with a bowl. Taking the spoon, he scooped up some food before holding it to your lips. You were silent, letting him feed you until you were full. He even tucked your hair away. 

You left shortly after to go and change, having arranged to meet San at the beach. Upon arriving at your villa, your dad greeted you with a warm hug. 

"I dont know how you can be so nice to her. She's clearly been messing around with that lad." Your aunt spat, stirring up her milky tea. Deciding to ignore her, you went to get ready quickly. From your room, you heard arguing and sighed. You hated that she caused so much trouble. Once ready, you headed back to them. Your mother smiled, pulling you near her.

"He's a good man, (y/n). Ignore my sister and just enjoy yourself ok?" As she embraced you, you felt so grateful for how supportive she was.

You stared out at the sea, watching the tide going out before swishing back in. It was serene, the wind light, ocean blue and sky clear. Hot but not so hot it would bother you. Just right. Arms suddenly appeared around your waist, lifting you off the sand then spinning around. Letting out a scream, you heard San laugh at your shock. He placed you down, turning yourself to face him.

"Hey." He grinned, hands still on your middle. 

"You're late."

"Only by five minutes!" He protested, poking your cheek jokingly. How could you ever even pretend to be mad at him? Smiling, you took hold of his hands and started walking backwards.

"Can we swim? Before we get ice cream?" 

“We can do anything you want.” He reassured, already starting to unbutton his shirt. Excitedly, you took your things off and put them in your bag. Whilst you were distracted, san threw you over his shoulder with ease and ran into the sea. You squeaked, laughing as he dropped the both of you into the water. He wasted no time in pouring water over your head, effectively ruining any effort you put into your hair.

“San.” You practically whined, splashing him in a weak attempt at payback. Smirking, he sat himself in the shallow and watched you for a moment. Though, it didn’t take long for you to settle beside him. Naturally, San put his arm behind you, allowing you to lean against him.

“What’s your favourite ice cream flavour then?” He asked, reaching over and taking your hand in his own.

“Hm, either strawberry or chocolate. I can’t pick.”

“Why not get both. I’ll do the same.” You smiled up at San, playing with his fingers.

“I was thinking, when we go back home. It’ll be autumn. We could go on cute little coffee dates?” His ears were red, eyes full of anxiety. Simpering, you kissed his cheek.

“I’d love that.” Relief washed over the red head before he leant down to capture your lips with his own. Kissing back, you turned towards him and wrapped your arms around his neck. His hands framed your waist, pulling you into his lap securely. Once you had pulled away, San smiled at you lovingly.

Walking alone the cobbled streets, you came across a small cafe selling ice cream. San found a table whilst you ordered your cones. Two chocolate and strawberry just as you had discussed. The man behind the counter gave you a wink and a price of paper once you paid. Quickly, you sat beside San who was glaring at the cashier deeply.

“Did he give you his number?” He asked, holding his hand out expectantly. You shrugged and handed him the paper, watching as he ripped it in half after observing the scribble.

“Stupid. I should kick his ass.” You couldn’t help but giggle at sans pouty face, giving him his ice cream.

“Relax San. I wouldn’t care for his number at all. I’m on a date with you remember.” He took a bite of his ice cream still frowning.

“But he’s a good looking guy.”

“You’re far better believe Me. You’re the most handsome man I’ve ever seen.” San perked up, sitting straight and turning to you. Even with chocolate in the corner of his lips, you decided his looks just couldn’t be beat.

“I am?” He asked, relaxing as you cupped his cheek and left a soft kiss on his lips.

“You definitely are.”

“So, did your aunt have anything to say?” Now having finished your ice cream, you were headed back to your villa.

“She thinks we slept together. I think she said something else but I ignored her.”

“Good.” San swung your hands as you walked, fingers laced together perfectly. You smiled to yourself, pulling him inside the home you were renting. Hearing you enter, your mother turned with a warming gaze.

“Ah are you joining us tonight San?” She asked, wiping her hands off from cooking. He nod, trying to act polite.

“If that’s ok?” Chuckling, she walked over and helped him out of his jacket kindly.

“Of course, I made enough to feed a thousand. I’ll text you when it’s ready.” Your mother told you at the end, letting you both go and freshen up.

When you stepped onto the patio, your family was already sat around the table. Thankfully, there was two seats by your father free. San bowed to everyone, pulling your chair out and tucking you in before sitting himself down. As your mother served the food, your aunt was staring across at the man next to you. He tried to ignore her burning gaze, making sure you had a drink in front of you. It was only after everyone had started eating that your aunt spoke up.

“So, have you two kissed yet?” San physically froze, choking his food down with difficulty. Quickly, you pat his back and tried to get him some water. The poor boy turned bright red, matching his hair completely. Your father sighed, rubbing his face.

“That’s not our business.”

“Well I’m only asking.” She whined, keeping her eyes on San, who was slowly recovering.

“Leave them alone and eat your food.” He muttered, checking to make sure San was ok. You held his hand, guilt invading your senses. He must have seen this, giving you a reassuring smile. That didn’t ease your feelings sadly and you frowned at your plate.

“You wanna go inside?” Nodding at San, you stopped him from getting up.

“You finish eating.” He just watched as you went inside before turning his focus on your aunt with determination.

Around ten minutes later, San slipped into your room and found you in bed. He smiled, placing two steaming mugs down on the side table.

“I made you tea.” You hummed gratefully, sitting up and pulling the covers back for him. He climbed in, pulling you into his chest.

“I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t apologise. You’re not responsible for her behaviour.” San said trying to reassure you. You frowned up at him, leading him to kiss your pout playfully. Thankfully, that did cause you to smile. He carefully handed you the tea, making sure not to scold you. With one arm around you, his other hand held his mug and you spoke about nonsense for a while. YouTube played in the background but neither of you payed any attention. Even after the drinks were consumed, you lay in his arms and talked about life back home and how you’d make it work. You felt so content, ear pressed to his heartbeat and arms hugging his slim waist. Your bodied just slotted together perfectly. For once, you felt as though you finally had something worthwhile. Neither of you noticed that you fell asleep in each others arms. You were both at peace.

“(Y/n). Are you t- oh…” your mother burst in, stopping and going quiet as she saw you both. A smile spread on get lips, happy to see you. She knew, in those few seconds, that you’d be just fine from now on.

[thesrctsoftheuniverse]

just finished season 6!!! idk how i managed to do that in such a short period of time but yay

once again here are my thoughts:

i liked season 5 way more sorry not sorry. there are some storylines this season that i really enjoyed but personally i loved season 5 and the insight it gave us into these characters and their traumas

the blimp emergency was really boring and stupid. were they even trying???

last season i was missing the med school storyline for hen. well this season i got it back! i dont really know how to feel, obviously im glad that hen isnt becoming a doctor and leaving the 118 but she worked so hard on it, it makes me sad. on the other hand she was and will in the future once again be a fantastic captain and i loved how both her and karen gave up some of their old dreams so they could fulfill their new ones.

i absolutely loved the episode with the explosion at karen's work place, i loved getting the insight into how they met and got together and eventually took in denny. i love these two and i love chim for being an awesome friend and wingman for introducing these two. once again, chim being a wonderful friend

the storyline about the little girl that went missing in athena's hometown??? oh my god, i love that they resolved that, giving her closure for that part of her life as well. i knew about a third of the way into the episode who was at fault, but it was still very interesting to watch and i loved seeing it get resolved.

can they please stop giving maddie the domestic abuse calls? that poor woman.

eddie struggling with chris growing up and leaning on buck for advice. maybe ill just die????

the episode of that famous actress just being involved in accidents again and again was hilarious, honestly her and eddie should remain friends. i wish we saw more of the 118 having friends outside of the team ngl

MAY GRANT THE ICON THAT YOU ARE!!! she is so effortlessly cool, i just cant describe how much i love her. she remained so calm and focused on the phone with that incel, i love her so much, i hope they keep bringing her back every once in a while

THE WENDALL STORYLINE??? that shit killed me... bobby cares so deeply about the people he loves, the people that have helped him. i loved this storyline so much, it was so beautiful and tragic i can't describe it. and athena just sticking by him even when no one really believed it could be anything BUT an OD??? i love them, i wish they were able to catch a break

denny?? i dont love that storyline, mainly because to me its clear that he should've just ASKED about his biological father. they clearly gave him the info about his biological mother, what was the problem with the other parent? very confused by it. also the biological father keeping this from hen and karen is so fucked up. i would've forbidden them from seeing each other at least for a while because that was fucked up from both of them. why did denny seemingly not get punished for lying and sneaking behind his mothers' back?? i truly dont get it, like yeah he wanted to know his father but the problem is sneaking around and lying because its DANGEROUS.

ngl the lightning scene always looked more dramatic in the edits, but holy shit the coma dream was wild. buck leaving it because he knew, no matter what, he couldn't bring back bobby. he might be able to fix the rest, but not bobby. and him not telling the real bobby in the end what had happened to his coma dream counterpart? i am about to start crying again. i loved seeing that his parents apparently are capable of caring about him. hopefully the show actually shows the parents apologising and growing and learning.....

chim and maddie buying the murder house is kind of insane. i mean it looks super cute but its insane. what the fuck??? also love the spontaneous family reunion....albert has a point but also what the fuck???? i love chim, he deserved better. if this show insists on trying to fix the character's relationships with their parents they better remain consistent with it and not forgive and forget after one episode.....

buck suddenly being a math genius after the coma is hilarious. doesnt make up for the lack of clipboard buck this season though

chim going back to the academy and getting ravi.... god i missed ravi so much, i want him as a main character or at least to show up MORE OFTEN than he is now. i love chim, i love seeing him work through his trauma of kevin dying, even just in the smallest way. and would love to see that one recruit that quit the academy actually work at dispatch.

so um.... eddie is going back to dating because his aunt wants him to? because his family wants him to? because that's what everyone is expecting of him? because that's what he learns he's supposed to do? because everyone is telling him to?... right. going to the golf club to find women to date....funny. i love marisol!!! she is so cute. what a shame that eddie is gonna traumatise her :((

oh my god almost forgot about the sperm donor storyline. honestly what a mess. i dont like it. clearly buck was the wrong person to do it, because the look on his face when he saw the baby that was biologically his??? i wanted to d!e.... what the fuck. why would they do that to him..... thats so fucked up. also having him help the mother of the child for... weeks???? and then also assisting in the birth of said child???? JAIL. what the fuck. what the fuck.

natalia apparently "really sees him" after she asked him about dying??????????????????? im so confused about why he felt so strongly right away, he needs some therapy. like she is super pretty and super cool, dont get me wrong!! but it was one date... dude, get up.

the proposal storyline... not my fav but i loved maddie being the one to propose to chim!! that was adorable, i love the two of them together sososososo much..... and i love jee! she is adorable, especially when she drove buck crazy when he was babysitting her.

the catastrophe at the end of the season couldve maybe gotten dragged out more, with more stations assisting and without having chim, an experienced paramedic, moving around and removing an object that pierced him from his body, the one thing he always tells victims NOT to do. it could've be done a lot better i think, even if buck was really cool during it.

lucyyyyyyy i miss youuuuu and also lena bosko still!!!

i get what people meant when talking about the couch theory now. i get it. yessss couch theory!!!!!!

fun. idk how ill watch all of season 7 before s8 starts but yay!!!

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

6 , 21 , 27

OH YAY❤️❤️❤️❤️

6. say three nice things about yourself (three physical and three non-physical)

- i’m really dumb and have no idea how to answer this… physical: i’m very hot (x3), non-physical: i have great music taste (does that count?? yes???), i’m a decent artist, and i’m loyal.

21. if you could tell your past self one thing, what would it be?

- in a serious way, probably to actually think before making big decisions, but in a more unserious way, stop posting dumb shit on here that you’ll randomly come back to and regret😭(that’s honestly the same thing)

27. which character would you want to be?

- i can literally only think of shameless right now and so that makes my answer to this pretty dumb, but probably frank gallagher??? he is a piece of shit and currently burning in the depths of hell, but the fact that he got himself into so many bad situations and almost never faced the consequences is astonishing. he survived so much shit; liver failure and an unnecessary kidney removal, and not to mention being thrown into the lake for days on end (and much more)😭 he survived so much and got away with so much and lived a full life so… sure, why not? (rhetorical, there are many, many, reasons not to want to be frank gallagher). another answer to this would be lip gallagher but only because of the women he pulls and nothing else. karen, mandy, amanda, sierra, and tami?? he’s too tragic for me to wish i was him, but also… karen, mandy, amanda, sierra, and tami, y’know? …yeah i have no idea

[navigatorsghost]

Frooooots, froooooots, get yer froooots here! :D 🍉🥭🍈

Thank you! I'm sorry it took me a bit to answer this, I got brainjammed on the final question trying to decide what to ramble about. >_>

🍉 Do you prefer to write short fics or long fics? Multichaptered works or single ones? Why?

Uh, this is a bit of a trick question, because honestly, what I have is a lot of ideas for longfics but all I ever manage to get finished are the short ones. XDDD I would prefer, strictly speaking, to be able to write long/multichapter fics because I always have so many ideas and so much worldbuilding I want to do, but sadly my brains just won't buckle down so I have to settle for the mostly short fics they give me...

🥭 Rank from most enjoyable/fun to write to least: Fluff, Smut, Angst, Crack.

I actually have written and enjoyed writing all of these so this is really difficult to answer! All of them are my favourite in different moods. I write fluff when I'm feeling emotionally battered and want comfort, I write smut mostly when I want to pamper my muses, angst just happens when someone in headspace drops random tragic backstory on me, and usually I do crackfic when someone says something silly in Discord and then a whole plot falls out. XD So I really can't rank in order, I love them all!

🍈 Who’s your blorbo and what are some of your favorite headcanons/ideas about them that repeatedly show up in your fics? Free pass to rant about blorbo opinions.

I have an ever expanding lifetime list of blorbos so here's a couple of my current active ones from Naruto:

- Sasori is autistic as. fuck. Uncomfortable inhabiting a living organic body to the point where he turned himself into an imperishable corpse puppet, detests and fears change, gets anxiety when he thinks things aren't being planned thoroughly enough, hates scheduling disruptions and/or having to wait, cares intensely about inanimate objects but struggles to relate to living people, likes to hide in very small enclosed spaces, noticeably flattened affect despite clearly having actual emotions underneath, cannot contain the need to infodump about his special interest even in a literal life-or-death battle... one of us, and I love him for it. I feel sure he would've been so very much more Okay if someone had been willing to keep him safe in a nice quiet predictable place and give him lots of supportive attention on a consistent schedule.

- Hidan, slaughter-happy devotee of a dark god of suffering, secretly has a villain origin story that's basically "was born and raised in customer service". In a world where ninja are generally hardbitten career soldiers, he grew up in the one village that's renounced war in favour of catering to tourists. Consequently he has witnessed and endured horrors of a kind most ninja couldn't even imagine (can you imagine dealing with a stereotype Karen who's also heavily armed and can throw magic at you?) which finally drove him to go on a chaotic killing spree just to get out of there. He's secretly an expert in a dozen different embarrassing "soft" skills - he can write haiku, play the shamisen, run a traditional Japanese tea ceremony, and more - but had to teach himself how to, like, throw a kunai. (And he can't even talk to anyone about his trauma because they'll just think it's funny.)

Thank you for asking! ❤️

[scheodingers-muppet]

welcome back to stranger things characters/ships as songs. this episode; GUTS !

all-american bitch - nancy. the battle between trying to be something society likes while still being a strong woman. she’s very much girl-next-door, americana-dream coded

bad idea right? - steddie. specifically used to be dating in secret steddie. this song just really reminds me of steve talking to robin getting ready to go hang out with eddie again after not talking for months

vampire - s2 stancy, from nancy’s pov. i adore steve, but he wasn’t a great boyfriend to nancy. in this season, she is so clearly struggling with barbs death and he just wanted to move on. “how’s the castle built of people you pretend to care about?” “i’ve made some real big mistakes, but you make the worst one look fine” nancy blames them for barbs death, the worst mistake, and steve is “making it look fine” by trying to just go back to normal. “every girl i ever talked to told me you were bad, bad news” “how do you lie without flinching?” and the dinner scene with barbs parents

lacy - ronance. nancy about seeing robin with steve, thinking she’s jealous that she gets to have steve, when in reality she’s falling for robin and jealous that steve gets to have her. i can also see this being from robins pov without the jealousy undertone.

ballad of a homeschool girl - el. just feeling awkward and like you don’t know what to do in social situations fits so well with growing up as an actual science experiment. plus, “everything i do is tragic, every guy i like is gay”

making the bed - will and el about mike. first half is will. “another thing i ruined i used to do for fun” and the dnd fight. “another conversation with nothing good to say” and the season 4 fight. “another day pretending i’m older than i am” “another perfect moment that doesn’t feel like mine” airport scene. “another thing i forced to be a sign” “push away all the people who know me the best” second verse is el. “my life feels so out of control” “i tell someone i love them just as a distraction. they tell me that they love me like i’m some tourist attraction” “i got the things i wanted, it’s just not as i imagined.” “i’m so tired of being the girl that i am. every good thing i have turns into something i dread”

logical - joyce and lonnie. i can also see max and billy if you ignore the romance love and make it a little sister loving her older brother, but i think joyce fits a bit better. i could also see maybe karen and ted

get him back! - steddie again. steve is just so teenage girl pop coded. but in my little used to be secretly dating au, this is very much right when he’s realizing he still has feelings for eddie

love is embarrassing - going right back to my steddie au. i might right a whole fic honestly. this would be from eddie’s perspective

the grudge - max about billy AND will about his dad. i desperately need people to dive into that dynamic more.

pretty isn’t pretty - honestly, robin is the closest i can find. or maybe a trans!stevie

teenage dream - nancy. it’s so nancy coded. the whole first verse is written in nancy’s diary.

[junkdrawernoggin]

Guess I'm gonna keep posting because I have not interacted with a human in 3 days and poems are rattling around my brain. Feel free to ignore lol thos is gonna be very long and rambly

I've been reading a daily poem from "Poem a day" compiled by Karen McCosker and Nicholas Albery. Today's poem was The Starlight Night by Gerard Manley Hopkins. One of the harder ones so far to me. I am still pretty new to poetry so I ended up turning to old faithful "Interesting Literature" to figure out what was going on with this one. I thought it meant that Jesus was born under the roof of the barn, but he was also born under the roof of the heavens. ILIT said it was about noticing nature so...pretty far off on that one.

Yesterday's poem was from Cymbeline and it was so much easier. Essentially find comfort in the fact that while life is miserable death is peaceful. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.

Honestly I do have some love for Shakespeare which made it easier. Two of my favorite movies are adaptations of his work (Romeo + Juliet, 10 Things I Hate About You). We did a radio drama version of Othello when I was in highschool as an English project. The guy who played Iago was surprisingly incredible, as he never spoke before or after we did that play. Much Ado About Nothing and Macbeth are also fantastic. I have never read Hamlet (it's on the list). I despise Midsummer's Night Dream with every fiber of my being due to an overzealous theatre teacher. I've read a couple of the sonnets but I also want to add more to the list. Idk like all of my highschool friends hated Shakespeare which I think is just a matter of their teachers doing a sort of shit job with him.

Choir also introduced me to some great poets, mainly Sara Teasdale. Another pretty tragic figure but her words are beautiful. Very glad she's included in this book. Along with Sylvia Plath who I desperately need to read more of.

[flip-flop-lover-will-byers]

Sorry I'm jumping on your post, op. I was having similar thoughts, from a different direction- Karen and Joyce

I was thinking about how differently they're perceived (and consequently how Mike/Will are perceived), and how much of their actual differences are just circumstantial. Fandom has a tendency to present the Wheeler family as a whole in the worst light, both because we're primed to do so with Nancy's "screw that" speech (nevermind that she was specifically talking about her parents' relationship being loveless....not the entire freaking family wtf), and because... Apparently Mike NEEDS to have ten different traumas to be sympathetic enough.

But honestly? Mike through the show is almost more spontaneously open to Karen (emotionally) than Will is to Joyce. His first reaction upon finding El is telling his mother. He doesn't coz El literally does not let him.

Not to say that Will and Joyce don't have a great relationship- they do. But Joyce isn't some perfect mother (she wouldn't be such a good character if she was) and Karen isn't a bad mother.

In the same season we have Joyce explicitly telling Jonathan that she feels guilty about not being around more because she's always working, and that she's gonna try to do better.

Will only opens up to Joyce in s2 when he's pretty much forced to. He opens up to Jonathan and Mike before that- in fact, the person Will is most open with, the person he depends on the most, is Jonathan consistently. Jonathan raised Will, and their behaviour shows that.

Mike seeks his mother for comfort at his lowest points. Without El telling Mike that it would put Karen in danger, he would have most definitely told her about El, thus pulling her into the plot in some capacity in S1.

If it were Mike who had been taken in S1, then you can bet he would have tried to contact Karen exactly how Will tried to contact Joyce. Duh. And of course, Karen would have moved heaven and earth to find him, exactly how Joyce did for Will. She would have yelled at Hopper, she would have given that classic "go to hell" to Brenner.

As mothers, Karen and Joyce are hella similar, and their differences are LARGELY due to the circumstances of the show- putting distance between Karen and her kids and bringing Joyce closer to hers. The other large difference between them is socio-economic- Karen is a stay-at-home mom, she has the time and resources to be present in her kids' daily life, and she is! Joyce doesn't, and it leads to Jonathan and Will forming an abnormally close unit.

Even freaking Ted, he's a conservative government bootlicker, but he's NOT abusive. He's made some ambiguous yet pointed statements, but we've seen Lonnie straight up try to profit off his child's death. Ted cares about his children- we've seen him taking care of Holly while every single other Wheeler was off doing shit. He complains, "our children don't live here anymore". He's too apathetic to reach out, he's entirely unrelatable to the rest of his family, he's 10x times more conservative- but holy shit, it takes a special kind of privileged audacity to conflate this with actual abuse. Ted is like, half the fathers of this world.

(This is pointed at the people who say that Mike's home life was as bad as Max/Will re: Lonnie)

(Also- it's funny that people will argue that Mike and Max are the same, but then turn around at the Mike-Ted parallels and say "yea! That's just there for laughs. That's just there to show how bad mvn is!")

But yea!! All this to say- the Wheelers are the most mid of Upper Middle class families. Their collective theme is conformity- which is by definition bound by the majority. They exist in the middle ground, unlike the Byers and the Mayfields.

I think, in trying to make Mike more uwu or tragic or sympathetic, we lose the core of his canon arc. He's never been abused, but he's seen abuse. He's never been the target of homophobic bullying, but his best friend has. Simply witnessing is enough, though. He witnesses, and he knows that he's been kept safe from it all by the Wheeler Normal-ness, and he leans into that safety.

Which is completely fine. It IS a choice you can sympathise with without changing his whole character. Sometimes conformity is the better choice, and he's the only party member who's actually in a position to MAKE that choice. Will never had a choice. Lucas didn't. Dustin didn't. El didn't. Max didn't. Only Mike does.

I don't think people appreciate the potential in that? People take it as an offense to suggest that Mike is somehow "less freaky/outcast" than his friends, but in truth, he's just the only one who can actually go under the radar.

(I like him going under the radar btw. Relatable invisible gay rep. Hidden in plain sight gay rep. Always-assumed-to-be-straight gay rep)

He tries, and it makes him so fundamentally unhappy. When he chooses to stop trying- it's not because he never had the choice, it's because he concluded that not conforming is just more rewarding.

But yanno. For any of that to matter, they actually need to....let him be him.

The party doesn't exist to give Mike depth.

Max isn't Mike.

No matter how much you say "same character different font," it won't make it true. Mike will never have Max's plot line. If the writers wanted to give Mike Max's arc, they would have written him differently--like Max.

It's mind boggling that Max can have a heart wrenching arc focused on her mental health, complex relationship with her abusive brother, and her intense guilt, then people go: "Wow, that's great, but doesn't that remind you of Mike?!? Vecna's after Mike!!" *clapping seal noises*

Let's strip away some important social differences in Max and Mike's backgrounds.

Class (low income vs. upper-middle class income)

Family life (verbally + physically abusive vs. emotionally distant household)

California vs. small town Indiana cultural differences (more liberal vs. more conservative)

Socialization (Mike is the leader of a large friend group vs. Max spending majority of her time with Lucas then El)

So: if we remove most of their environment, then Mike and Max are more similar (snarky, independent, and prickly). I guess we're going to ignore their other conflicting traits, for example: Max's skepticism vs. Mike's optimistic lean, Max's introversion vs. Mike's extroversion, self-confidence (S2-S3 Max has greater self-confidence than Mike, S4 both are low), communication styles (Max: straightforward, Mike: abstract).

Has anyone here heard of the "nature vs. nurture" debate on what determines a person's characteristics? Yes, no, maybe so? To cut to the chase, the answer is both. People are beholden to their personality, as well as their environment (their social lives). A huge part of being a human are your relationships to others (family, friends, pets, coworkers, enemies, places, role models etc). Writers make characters three-dimensional by fleshing out these connections and having them impact the narrative.

If you have to ignore how the writers wrote two extremely different backgrounds to justify your interpretation, you're wrong. If you're only favoring S4, because you think--besides Max--Mike had the hardest time in high school, you're also wrong. Newsflash! High school was shitty for everyone.

In their introduction to The Piggyback script, the Duffers wrote:

Like a lot of people, high school was a very challenging time for us — you’re facing the pressure of figuring out your future at the same time you are trying to fit in, or even just trying to understand who you are. It’s a lot to take on at that age and it can leave you feeling hopeless, like there’s no end to the uncertainty in sight. This emotional truth was at the center of Vecna. In many ways a physical representation of anxiety and depression, he is an evil force that leeches on youth’s frailty. The devil on your shoulder, the dark whisper in your ear.

The S4's main plotline centered on Max to discuss the above (since she was constructed to be the most vulnerable character), but please remember: everyone in the party was struggling.

During counseling, Ms. Kelly pointed out Max had a C in English and a C-minus in Spanish. You know who else had bad grades? Dustin (D-minus in Latin), Mike (C in Spanish), and El (failing Math).

Ms. Kelly also questioned Max's poor sleeping habits, headaches, and nightmares. No one else in the party experienced these symptoms, because Vecna didn't target them. End of story.

Ms. Kelley pointed out that Max wasn't being truthful. You know who else wasn't being truthful? Mike, Will, El, and Lucas (to an extent).

Does that mean that everyone is going to have Max's plot line in S5? No, because that is an erroneous conclusion. Each character has their own trajectory. The beauty of the party is: their different skills and backgrounds complement one another, allowing them to successfully collaborate and--ultimately--achieve victory.

Please stop cherry-picking pieces of Max's arc in order to satisfy your urge to cobble together a more palatable Mike. It's time to interrogate why you insist Mike is your favorite, when you actually want him to become Max (As El said, "Why do you lie?").

If you come away from this thinking I hate Mike, the call is coming from inside the house.

[librarygf]

remember all that? / yes

[lady-byleth]

Honestly though, big shout out to Scarlet Nexus (again) for the Karen dlc. They literally looked at Karen, who up until that point had just a fridged not-quite-girlfriend, and gave him the explicitly stated and multiple times repeat goal and wish to save Alice and protect Fubuki

And with that they made him one of the most tragic characters I've ever met.

I just keep thinking about how much this man has hurt over the years and the many time lines he's traveled through, how heartbroken he had to have been in any time line where he couldn't save either of them

I just can't get over how much love he carried with him

Like, the first time Kasane makes a time jump she meets him while literally carrying Fubuki's corpse through the ruined city. And Fubuki is already cold, which takes a while, so Karen was just aimlessly wandering around Suoh with his best friend's corpse in his arms. Because he couldn't let go, couldn't leave him behind somewhere.

The only one he could trust with Fubuki was his sister who once dismembered herself trying to protect him.

And then there's the time lines where he's kept Fubuki completely safe only for Alice to die while he isn't around for just a moment.

The woman he loves and his best friend are equally important to him, he refuses to accept a world where he can't have them both at his side and I absolutely love Scarlet Nexus for doing this

Often times romantic love is put above platonic or familial love. Somehow in our society romantic love has become synonymous to "truest form of love" when it's just a different kind of love and Scarlet Nexus has been really good about making all kinds of love important

The love between siblings, between parent and child, between friends, between lovers...

Many of the characters had someone they loved deeply and the game never treated one as truer than the other

But Karen was so full of love he took two people, loved them in different ways, loved them so deeply that he would've become a monster to save them

His one and only wish was to live in a world where both Alice and Fubuki were alive

And the only time line where that was possible was the one where he never existed in the first place

It hurts to think about this, about how the only way he could achieve his dream was to let go. He's spent countless years, life times, holding on so tightly that it warped reality around him and the only way to save them was to let go of them completely, to never see them again, be with them again

You could even say that Karen loved Fubuki and Alice so much reality itself couldn't handle it.

[mimzy-writing-online]

Hello. I had a question regarding your post about blind characters. I have a character in my WIP that must cover their eyes.. but it’s blind. He may need to tell people he is blind to explain why he covers his eyes though. I was wondering how I might write this character without offending. Thank you :)

I think I want to start by explaining the “covering blind eyes” trope and why it has become a harmful trope. I think understanding why it’s hurtful helps everyone learn how to handle it better.

I would guess that the “blind people wear sunglasses” trope comes from Hollywood for the specific reason of 1. wanting to signal to the audience that the character is obviously blind and 2. avoid breaking the suspension of disbelief by preventing the audience from catching the sighted actor look at visual stimuli (because disabled characters are almost always played by able actors).

But this changed the way the public expects to experience blindness. If watching a sighted actor wear sunglasses and say he’s blind is all the exposure to the blind community a person has had, that’s the only model of blindness they’ll recognize. If they meet a blind person in real life who doesn’t wear sunglasses, it’s going to break this built perception and cause an uncomfortable cognitive dissonance. 

And then there is the common “cloudy-white blank gaze” that pops up in media. It stems from the fact that cataracts is the most common cause of blindness and the appearance of severe cataracts is a cloudy film in the eyes obscuring the iris and pupil. It can also alter what color a person’s eyes appears to be, making them appear paler and grey in the beginning and then as the cataract advances it becomes more yellow/brown and alters a person’s vision to appear more yellow tinted.

There are lots of other eye conditions that makes the eyes look visibly different. Albinism for instance affects the color and structure of the iris. Eyes might be congenitally misshapen. The muscles might be weak or not work and one or both eyes point significantly outward. Someone who was born blind and experienced no visual stimuli might also have weak muscles around their eyes because they never had a reason to focus their eyes on anything.

And unfortunately humans have the habit of feeling uncomfortable when they meet someone who looks very obviously different from the norm, whether that’s a personal style choice (hair color and style, tattoos, clothing choices) or something they can’t help (a visible disability, skin color, scars). 

To the paragraph above, @gothhabiba replied with:  “it's very weird & ahistorical to claim that racism or ableism are some kind of natural "human" trait.. like frankly it's apologia”

You’re right, I wasn’t thinking beyond that generalization or assumption.

Perhaps a better way to put it is: I was raised in a society where I was taught from childhood to think that there was only one kind of human being to be. White, cis, straight, abled, conservative. That’s a very western thing and that’s a thing I’m going to constantly be unlearning.

Racism and ableism and homophobia aren’t innate, that’s a western thing that was forced onto the rest of the world by colonialism. And because western media created this idea that the world is white, abled, cis, straight, and Christian-value leaning, it taught people to think that was the norm so that seeing someone different from that archetype would cause a cognitive dissonance, which causes discomfort.

And instead of working past that cognitive dissonance to learn more and realize there’s so much more to life than media taught you, society encourages you to ignore that cognitive dissonance by sticking your head in the sand-- or TV screen.

So combine these two tropes or common beliefs together and you get something a little dangerous: the idea that blind people cover their eyes because they look obviously different and they’re ashamed (or should be ashamed) of that.

And if you’re someone who’s just gone blind or who was born blind and you have little to no contact with the blind community, then this societal belief that you should be ashamed of how your eyes look becomes detrimental to your self-esteem and further builds internalized ableism.

I’ve lost count of the times I’ve read or watched a blind character cover their eyes with sunglasses because they were ashamed of how their eyes looked. And I distinctly remember a few times where a sighted friend of the character was trying to convince them to stop wearing sunglasses because there’s nothing wrong with looking different--which is true, but it plays into this fantasy of being the perfect abled ally who saves the blind character from being miserable. 

In an ideal world, the character has no reason to believe looking different is a bad thing or diminishes their worth or makes people dislike them. And if they develop this belief, it’s more likely that someone more involved in the disabled community, most likely someone disabled themselves, will set them straight. Or that the character will learn to accept themselves on their own, looks included.

But there are some perfectly valid reasons for any blind person to wear sunglasses. They might have an interest in fashion and sunglasses complete the look they’re going for. They could want to protect their eyes from UV rays while they’re outside. They may experience light sensitivity and sunglasses reduces any discomfort or pain. Those are incredibly common reasons to wear sunglasses whether you’re sighted or blind.

But there are some more complicated situations.

In your words, your character must cover his eyes. You never specified why, so my primary guess is that he has some kind of power that is unpleasant or has devastating affects and the only way to prevent it is to keep his eyes covered. My primary guess stems from this post where an anon and I discussed a retelling of Medusa, a hypothetical blinding of oneself to avoid ever killing anyone ever again, and what I think I would do if I was in that scenario.

So how do you write a blind character who must cover their eyes and avoid some of the complications?

1. Your character must always have the ability to say “fuck off, it’s my business, I don’t have to tell you why I’m blind or why I cover my eyes.”

Most blind people really, really don’t want to get into the nitty-gritty of why they’re blind and how they feel about it and what it’s like being blind with a stranger they’ll never see again or a new acquaintance they don’t know well yet. You have exceptions to that rule where sure, educating the public about blindness is a thing you want to do and you’re committed to helping your community, but I still have days where I don’t want to talk about being blind or disclose my medical crap.

And if someone doesn’t respect their right to their privacy or pushes too much, the blind character is allowed to be angry, is allowed to tell them off and complain without anyone else in the situation vilifying them or saying they’re “overreacting” and “should have just disclosed private information because big deal or whatever.” If they are angry, that’s their right, and it’s not unreasonable, it doesn’t make them a bad person.

2. Your character should not be ashamed of being blind or of covering their eyes. It is a part of their life, they’re used to it by now, even if they weren’t in the beginning.

The shame and internalized ableism is something that should be written about, but that’s for an own-voices story with a blind author. I don’t think an abled person will ever be able to understand how much society expects you to hate yourself and your disability because “being disabled is a tragic thing that ruins your life” and how that does affect your mental health, self esteem, your relationships with others, your medical care, and what kind of accommodations you can get.

3. It wouldn’t hurt to have a few sarcastic lines in response to uncomfortable conversations.

Stranger: so what’s with the...

Blind Character: what’s with what?

S: the... you know

BC: you’re gonna have to be a bit more specific

S: Your eyes?

BC: They’re... eyes

S: but you’re...

BC: Blind?

S: uh...

BC: yeah, I’m blind. *walks away*

Or this conversation:

S: *to some other character* so why are his eyes covered?

(author’s note: which, honestly, that’s fucking rude. At least have the guts to ask me yourself)

BC: If I look anyone in the eye they instantly perish.

*awkward silence*

BC: instantly.

Friend: It’s truly tragic

BC: *melancholic* that’s how I lost my sister. *chokes up* She was so young

Or this conversation:

S: Why are you wearing that?

BC: It’s called fashion Karen!

Or this conversation:

S: are you like... blind?

BC: yes?? why wouldn’t I be?? Wait, are you sighted? Are you one of those sighted people? You poor thing! What caused you to gain your sight? Do you have a car? A bike? Were you born sighted? What’s it like to see color? Do you miss not having to see 

God, I want a chance to try that last one. I haven’t interacted with a stranger in almost a year. One day...

4. Honestly, it’d also be cool if someone’s reaction to your character covering their eyes was like, “cool sunglasses,” or “cool *insert random character, even one you made up* cosplay,” (which is ten times funnier if this character is a notable figure in modern society like an actor who people might cosplay). 

5. You know, if he’s covering his eyes with some kind of blindfold, he should totally have custom blindfolds for his moods. Like, I have a mask that says “suck it up buttercup” and another that says “not today” because sometimes that’s the mood. And sometimes the mood is one of my floral masks, and sometimes the mood is my cat mask.

So, just some thoughts. I hope that helps.

Edit: a commenter said: “op, unless i'm mistaken this kind of reads like anon meant the character ISN'T blind but lies about being blind to explain covering their eyes? it seems like they made a typo on the word "isn't"”

So my original response to the question was based on the assumption that the character is blind. However,

If the character is not blind, then do not under any circumstances have them lie and say they’re blind to escape a mild inconvenience. 

It’s better to have the character actually explain the situation or straight up leave the conversation or invent a more ridiculous lie than to perpetuate the very real stereotype and misconception that there are people who fake being blind and therefore it’s okay to discriminate or harass them if you even suspect they’re faking.

Do not under any circumstances perpetuate that stereotype. Do not harass someone because you don’t think they’re blind enough.

[the-cult-of-russo]

What are friends for?

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader 

Request: Hi! I loved little lamb, you're such an amazing writer!!! Can I request a piece where reader and Billy are friends and for her birthday she asks him to fulfill a smutty fantasy and he's all too happy to comply. Bonus points if reader calls Billy Lieutenant and it involves his combat gear. Love, love, love your blog <3 <3 <3

A/N: Thank you, dear friend 🥰😘

You guys are letting me live my best hoe life and I love you for it 😂

The High Priestess of the Cult of Russo blesses you all 🖤😈😘

 Warnings: cursing, a whole load of smut lmaoooo 

(Under 18s avert your eyes and scroll on by)

-----

“C’mon, Y/N. I keep askin’ you and you won’t gimme a goddamn answer. I need to know what you want,” Billy huffed from next to you. The pair of you were in a booth at the bar, your friends having all left around 10 minutes ago. You’d opted to stay since you hadn’t finished your very large glass of wine and Billy stayed to keep you company. He’d walk you home, he always did. 

You pursed your lips in thought before you scrunched your face up, looking at him as he gave you an exasperated look. You were sitting sideways on the bench seat with him, heels kicked off under the table with your legs draped sideways over his legs. It was pretty much par for the course with you two.

“I don’t know. I think I’m just getting to that age where I don't care about my birthday,” you snorted, taking a slurp from your wine. You had a little under half of it left now and you were pretty tipsy. Billy groaned and rolled his eyes at your answer and you gave him a sheepish smile before looking away. Your birthday was coming up in a few days and he’d been asking you for weeks what you wanted but you didn't really want anything. Nothing material anyway.

There was one thing that kept coming to mind yet you found yourself way too embarrassed to ask him. You took another generous glug of your wine as you thought about it, cheeks flushing slightly. 

“What is it?” Billy asked knowingly. Your eyes snapped to his then as he raised a brow.

“What's what?” You asked innocently. He grinned, looking amused as he snatched your glass and took a pull from it.

“You just thoughta somethin’, so spit it out. You know I’d get you anythin’ you want,” he said softly, a fond smile on his face. You chuckled to yourself, eyes darting around the bar for a moment as you nibbled your lower lip. If you were completely sober you’d never tell him, but you weren't sober.

“It’s not necessarily something you’d get me… more something you’d… do,” you murmured, lips tugging up in a wry smirk as you glanced at him. He tilted his head, dark eyes assessing you for a moment.

“Alright, I’m curious,” he drawled with a small smile.

You licked your lower lip, shifting in your seat a little and resting your elbow along the back of the bench seat, bringing you slightly closer to him. 

“Okay so… you can totally say no, but you asked so I’m just gonna come out with it. You're not allowed to be weirded out or hold it against me,” you said, levelling him with a firm look. Both his brows raised at that, an apprehensive look on his face.

“Spit it out, Y/N,” he murmured with narrowed eyes. You blew out a long breath, taking the glass back from his hand and slurping some of it. 

“My sex life’s been pretty… boring lately. It's always so vanilla, you know? I have this fantasy and honestly, I think you'd be perfect to fulfill it,” you said, looking him right in the eye thanks to the booze running through your veins. You watched as his brows almost flew off his head for a moment, mouth slightly agape as your words hit him. But then he cleared his throat, shifting in his seat a little as he tilted his head. His almost black eyes were pinning you in place and you idly wondered through the layers of alcohol in your brain if you'd just ruined your friendship. 

It wasn’t like you thought he wasn't attracted to you, you knew he was. You’d met years ago through Curtis and you quickly became part of their friend group. For the first month after meeting Billy, he’d tried to get in your pants every time you saw him and you’d turned him down. You were flattered, he was hands down the most attractive man you'd ever seen. But Curt had warned you of his reputation and you preferred to have one night stands with people you didn't know. It was less awkward that way. It was after that first month when things changed with you and Billy though. The pair of you were supposed to meet Frank and Karen at the bar but they hadn't turned up. You later learned they'd been so wrapped up in each other they'd forgotten the plans. But it ended up being just you and Billy. You'd bonded over tequila and tragic backstories and since then, you'd been super close friends. 

“What exactly is this fantasy of yours?” He asked. You didn't miss how his voice sounded deeper and it sent a shiver right through you. It wasn't an outright no, so you took that as a win at least.

“I mean… I don’t have specifics really. I have some ideas and stuff, things I’d like to try. And I don't feel comfortable doing it with some random guy, but I trust you so…” you trailed off, swishing the last bit of your red wine around in the glass. When you looked back up at him, his eyes were a little softer, a small smile playing on his lips. He leaned his arm on the bench, his hand by your hair as he toyed with it. It was something he did often and you always enjoyed it. 

“Tell me what you got in mind,” he murmured as you leaned into his touch.

“Do you still have any combat gear?” You asked, biting your lip as you looked up at him. He looked mildly shocked for less than a second before a sly grin worked its way onto his face.

“Yeah… yeah I do,” he replied with a smirk. 

“I have a thing for a guy in uniform, I mean who wouldn't? And I happen to know you look pretty good in it since I've seen the pictures,” you shrugged, sipping your wine. He seemed like he lit up at your praise and you almost laughed, it was kind of cute. 

“What else? You want me to play dress-up, but what else you wanna try?” He asked softly. It was a valid question, clearly if you didn't trust some random guy to do what you wanted it was more than just putting on military gear. 

You looked away for a moment but he tugged your hair, making you look back at him with a mild squint as he grinned at you, his brows raised expectantly.

“I’ve never tried anything… exciting. It's depressing, Billy! Its always boring old vanilla sex. I want to be dominated, I wanna be restrained, I wanna try things, you know? I wanna be choked, spanked, all of the good stuff,”  you whined, letting it all out. He blinked at you for a long moment and he didn't speak, his face unreadable. You started to wonder if you’d broken him before he rolled his shoulder and a dark smirk graced his face. It made your lower belly clench. You'd never seen that look on his face before, but fuck if you didn't like it.

“Done,” he said simply, the slightly terrifying yet arousing smirk still on his lips. His eyes were alight with something you couldn't place as you looked at him skeptically. 

“Really? Just like that?” You asked with a snort. You had no plans on telling him but you always thought if you did he’d say no or never speak to you again for even asking. 

“Just like that,” he shrugged easily. With that, he switched topics to something else entirely and before long he’d walked you home after you finished your wine. Neither of you mentioned it again and you wondered if he would before your birthday happened or if he was bluffing and didn't want to outright say it to your face that he didn't want to fuck you. 

Days went by pretty quickly and now it was the night before your birthday. Well, it was almost midnight so technically it was almost your birthday. You were sitting on the sofa in an oversized tee and your panties, watching reruns of The Walking Dead. The next day, your actual birthday, you’d be going to Karen and Franks for a little birthday get together with your friends. You yawned into your hand when suddenly your front door knocked firmly. You sat up straighter, now wide awake as you looked at it warily. You weren't expecting company at this time. You checked your phone to see it was dead on midnight before you got up and padded over to the door. When you looked through the peephole, no one was there. You took a step back feeling wary when the door knocked again, more impatient this time. With a deep breath you opened it but nothing could have prepared you for what was on the other side.

Billy was standing there decked out in his combat gear, the same kind you’d seen in the pictures of him and Frank overseas. It fit his frame perfectly and your eyes swept from his head to his feet before back up again, unable to help yourself. When they landed back on his face, he raised a brow, a smirk on his lips. In all honesty, you’d forgotten about it. He hadn't mentioned it once since it happened and acted like you’d never asked such a thing of him and it had completely slipped your mind. But now your body was thrumming with excited and nervous energy and you found your voice rendered useless.

“Gonna let me in?” He asked teasingly. You nodded, quickly stepping out of his way and shutting the door behind him. It was then you noticed a black duffel thrown over his shoulder. Before you had a chance to ask about it, he spoke up.

“Sit down,” he commanded. His tone of voice felt like someone zapped you with an electric current.

“Yes, sir,” you replied instantly, not even meaning to do it. But the way his eyes flared at your words told you he very much enjoyed it. 

You moved to sit at the dining table, hands shaking slightly from the anticipation of whatever was to come. The Billy currently in your apartment wasn't the one you were used to. He dumped the bag heavily on the table with a thud and your eyes were drawn to it before you looked back at him. He was standing tall beside the table, looking down at you, his hands clasped behind his back as his eyes regarded you in a way that made you squirm.

“Here's how this is gonna go. Safeword is tequila. You don't like somethin’, speak up. It's all about you, you don't gotta just roll with somethin’ ‘cause you think it's what I want. You have the power to stop it, but while I’m here, I’m in charge. I tell you to do somethin’, you do it or there'll be consequences. We clear?” He asked roughly. There was no smirk on his face now, it was serious as his dark eyes bore into you and you swallowed thickly. 

It wasn't lost on you the safeword he’d picked and you felt slightly reassured that while he was clearly asserting his dominance over you right now, he was also letting you know that ultimately, you were the one with the power to call it off. 

“Crystal, sir,” you replied, a wry smirk tugging at your lips. He didn't smirk or grin like you expected but you noticed his nostrils flare slightly and his shoulder roll. He unzipped the bag harshly then and inclined his head to it. You stood up to get a better view of what was inside.

Your breathing hitched a little as you rifled through the contents of what he’d gotten you. Even when you'd asked him for this you hadn't expected him to put so much effort into it. In a weird way, it was quite touching. 

“Anythin’ you wanna try, get it out and put it on the table,” he instructed. You picked out a silk blindfold, a pair of handcuffs and a paddle. You pushed some of the other things aside in the bag and saw a large black knife at the bottom. Your breathing hitched a little as you took it out, turning it in your hand as your mind ran away with itself. You glanced curiously to Billy then and his cool facade broke when a dirty smirk painted his lips, his eyes dancing with mischief and amusement. He raised one brow, almost in a challenging manner, goading you to see if you'd take the bait. You held eye contact with him as you set the knife on the table and he bit down on his lower lip as his eyes darkened. 

You turned back to the things you'd gotten out then. You didn't want to overwhelm yourself and you really wanted to try these out. Suddenly Billy was pressed right up against you from behind and you felt like you couldn't breathe. He’d always smelt good but right now it seemed to be intoxicating and your eyes fluttered shut for a moment.

“What’re your thoughts on temperature play?” He purred down your ear, making you shiver. Your brain felt hazy with him being so close.

“I uh… I’d like to try it,” you mumbled, feeling like you were drunk or high or some shit. He growled and you felt him tense up behind you, but then his large hand was gripping your jaw and roughly turning it to the side to look at him leaning over your shoulder. There was a dangerous glint in his eyes that shouldn’t have you so aroused but it did.

“Wanna try that again?” He asked in a low voice. You swallowed thickly, taking a shaky breath.

“I’d like to try, sir,” you replied softly, wondering if that was what he was after. He smirked almost smugly then, slightly mocking as his hand eased up but didn't let go. He leaned in closer and you felt your head spin.

“Good girl,” he praised. You were pretty sure your panties were soaked at this point and you almost purred at his praise. His chuckle made you think he was quite aware of how much you liked it. For a moment, he leaned even closer and you were pretty sure he was going to kiss you. You wanted him to. But then he moved away, a devilish smirk on his lips as he raised his brows at you. He was toying with you. The very visible bulge in his pants let you know this wasn't something he was doing because he felt like he had to since you’d asked. He was very much enjoying this. 

“Bedroom, now. Get undressed,” He commanded firmly as he handed you the pile of items you picked. 

“Yes, sir,” you squeaked, excitement gripping you so tight you could barely breathe as you scurried off to your bedroom. You blew out a large breath when you got in there, trying to stop your head from spinning. This new version of Billy was something else entirely and way more than what you thought it would be. You set the items on the nightstand, the knife lingering in your hand for a long moment. Knife play was one of the more dangerous kinks you'd been fascinated by but there was no way you'd trust anyone else with it. You turned the knife in your hand a little, admiring it.

“Thought I told you to do somethin’,” his growl from behind you startled you and the knife clattered to the nightstand. You whipped around to face him with wide eyes. He looked angry, but you knew better. Something was dancing behind his eyes that told you he very much enjoyed the fact he had a reason to assert his dominance over you. It shouldn't have thrilled you as much as it did.

“I’m sorry, sir,” you murmured softly, watching him as he stalked over to you. His hand darted out, gripping your jaw and making you look up at his dark eyes. You felt breathless.

“What did I say would happen if you didn’t do as you were told?” He asked roughly. You swallowed thickly, body running with a fine tremor. 

“There would be consequences, sir,” you replied in a breathy voice. You noticed the way his eyes darkened a little and he stared at you for a long moment before letting go of your face.

“Hands and knees on the bed,” he ordered, his face like thunder as if waiting to see if you’d say no. You didn’t though. This was so far from vanilla and better than what you’d ever imagined. There was no way you were stopping this. You also wouldn't lie, seeing this version of Billy was intriguing and hormone inducing. 

Your heart was hammering as you went over to the bed and got on your hands and knees. You felt slightly embarrassed presenting yourself to Billy of all people like this but you heard a soft groan when you arched your ass in the air and you bit your lip with a smile. Your oversized sleep shirt had ridden up a little and your small lace panties were now on display. 

You glared at your sheets as you braced yourself for whatever might be coming your way. But then a sharp stinging erupted from your right ass cheek and you let out a mix between a surprised yelp and a moan. It hurt yet it felt good and you were confused but wildly turned on. It had felt cold and hard and you knew it wasn't his hand. It was the paddle. 

But then his large warm hand smoothed over the stinging skin, soothing the burning there and you arched back at his hand unable to help yourself.

"You're gonna learn to be a good girl for me," you heard his rough voice from behind you. 

"Yes, sir," you murmured instantly, like you were starting to be conditioned in your responses. He hummed, palming your ass for a moment, giving you ample time to say the safeword yet you didn't. You felt the second sting harder on your already sore flesh and you bit your lip with a moan. You lowered your top half, forehead pressing into the sheets as your thighs shook a little from how turned on you were. His hand once again soothed the skin afterwards and you pushed back at him. 

The third smack was the harshest and you whimpered, fists bunching in the sheets as you felt the pain and pleasure shoot right through you. You hummed when his hand softly caressed the skin you knew would be red and then you felt him place a kiss to it and you smiled through your delirium. You felt the bed shift behind you and then his hand smoothed up your back over your shirt. You closed your eyes and relished in the feeling but then suddenly he had a fistful of your hair and he gave it a tug, making you moan. He was leaning over your body, looming over you as he leaned in near your ear. 

"On your back, Y/N," his tone was commanding and low but he gave your neck a cheeky nip that was in contrast to the harsh grip on your hair. Your head was spinning. He let go and you wasted no time in rolling onto your back. You hissed a little at how sore your ass cheek was and you heard him chuckle darkly. Your eyes moved to him then and you saw the way his eyes dragged across your body as you lay there. You felt your cheeks heat up, basking in the way he seemed to drink you in. His eyes connected to yours then and he flashed you a slightly terrifying smirk. You couldn't tear your eyes away as he kicked off his boots and then pulled off his shirt. He kept on his camo pants as he moved to the nightstand. 

You weren't sure what he'd grabbed but then he was straddling you and caging you in with his long legs either side of you. He dangled the blindfold in front of you and your breathing picked up in excitement. When your eyes met his again, you could see he was giving you another chance to back out. You didn't though. You closed your eyes for him and he carefully placed the blindfold on, tying it gently. 

It was a strange sensation not being able to see. You felt vulnerable but you also knew you were safe with Billy. You had to rely on your other senses to figure out what was going on. He grabbed your wrists and put them above your head. You felt his thumbs softly swipe over them before you felt the cold metal of the handcuffs clip around one wrist. He tugged it closer to the headboard and you heard a noise before he pulled your other arm up and clipped the handcuffs around it. You tugged a little and realised he threaded them through the headboard, you weren't getting out of this anytime soon. You didn't want to. 

You felt him move away from you and you felt the loss instantly. You listened to his quiet footfalls as he moved off the bed and you found yourself laying there in anticipation. The bed dipped again but then your legs were bent at the knee, legs parted and he settled between them. 

"Stay still," he warned. You were unsure why until you felt cold metal dragging along your thigh. A soft moan left your lips and you concentrated on keeping your body completely still despite the desperate need to move. 

The blade trailed up your body and under your shirt. You felt it gently glide up your stomach and up your sternum. Then his other hand pulled the shirt taut and you heard the material rip as he cut in right down the middle. The air felt cold as the shirt pooled at your sides, exposing your breasts. You heard a growl rumble from him and your chest was heaving. You felt him lean right over your body, his breath hitting your ear and making you squirm.

"So goddamn beautiful," he purred, making you whine a little. 

"Sir… please, I wanna see," you pleaded softly, tugging at the handcuffs a little. You really wanted to see the knife. Wanted to watch him with it. You felt him lean up once more so you continued.

"Please, Lieutenant. Let me see," you begged desperately, not a care for how needy and wanton you sounded. 

The blindfold was yanked up roughly and your eyes struggled to adjust for a second. You were startled when he gripped your jaw in his knife free hand and leaned right into your face. 

"Say that again," he demanded, eyes wild and dark as he stared you down. 

"Lieutenant please, I wanna see the knife," you murmured breathlessly. He groaned, closing the distance as he captured your mouth in a dirty kiss. The first kiss he'd given you all night. You moaned and melted into it, willingly letting him dominate your mouth with his tongue. 

When he pulled away he was looking at you like it was the first time he was actually seeing you and all you could do was blink up at him dumbly for a moment. Then he was kneeling back up between your legs. Your eyes went to the knife as he twirled it in his hand. You bit your lip, eyes glued to it and he moved it back to your shirt. He sliced through the short sleeves so he could pull off the offending material and toss it across the room. His dark eyes were staring at where the knife was touching your skin, his lips parted a little. You took in the sight of him this turned on and felt something stir inside of you knowing it was you that was doing that to him. 

Your eyes went back to the knife as you felt it gently trace down between the valley of your breasts and to your stomach. You couldn't look away as the blade slipped under one side of your panties, slicing through the lace with ease. He moved to the other side then and repeated the same motion. His free hand grabbed the ruined panties and tugged them away and you felt your cheeks heat up at how his dark eyes devoured the sight of you wet and spread wide for him. When his eyes connected with yours once more, they were intense and you almost forgot to breathe. 

Then he was leaning over and tugging the blindfold back down and you whined softly at the loss of sight again. You heard him chuckle and then what sounded like the knife clattering on the nightstand again. Then he was up and off the bed and you were sure he'd left the room. You felt a sudden surge of panic despite knowing he just wouldn't leave you there like this. But you tugged on the handcuffs roughly as you wriggled around on the bed. The second you heard him come back into the room, you stilled completely. 

Your breathing was erratic, excited and anxious as you bit your lip and waited to see what would happen. You were sure he was being this quiet on purpose. Billy loved to talk yet he was being pretty quiet as he went about doing whatever he was doing. You were sure it was to keep you on edge and it was working. 

You felt him kneel back between your legs and you sucked in a breath of anticipation. You suddenly felt something hot drip onto your chest and you hissed a little, back arching at the sensation as it cooled. Hot wax, you mused. Nothing happened for a long moment but you didn't utter the safeword and eventually you felt it happen again. You moaned softly as you writhed, feeling it drip onto your breasts and stomach. You felt his large hand smooth up your stomach slowly and you arched up at his touch like you were needy for it. You wished you could see his face right now, see what he looked like as he did this to you. 

He grabbed your right breast firmly and then you felt the hot wax drip onto it and on your nipple and you let out a louder moan as your back arched. The whole thing was so sensual and you'd never experienced anything like it. He hadn't even really touched you yet, not where you were aching at least. 

You felt him shifting but he didn't move completely from between your legs. Your brain felt hazy from your arousal as you lay there helplessly and waited for whatever he had planned for you next. You gasped, body tense as you felt an ice cold sensation on your stomach. You mused he'd got some ice cubes from your freezer or something as you felt him slide it up your skin. You squirmed under the cold, squirming more as it trailed to your breast. He chuckled at how much you were moving and cursing under your breath when he circled your nipple with it. 

The cold was removed then and the trail of water the ice cube left behind left a chill on your skin. It was nothing compared to the sensation of a freezing cold mouth suddenly sucking on your left breast though. His tongue was icy as he lapped at it and suckled on it greedily as your back bowed a little as needy moans left your lips. He moved away and you let out a whine, almost pouting and making him chuckle darkly at your needy reaction. But then he was placing ice cold open mouthed kisses on your lower belly and spreading your thighs wide open with his hands.

You had no words for the noise you made when he gave you a teasing lick from your entrance to your clit with his cold tongue. You arched up at him and gasped as he started sucking on your clit greedily with a moan. You tugged at the handcuffs, a strong urge to pull at his hair nagging at you. He had you gasping and your thighs shaking in no time but before you got right to the edge, he moved away. 

"Whyyy?" You whined pitifully. A sudden but not too hard smack hit you right between your thighs and your exposed clit and you moaned in shock. You hadn't really expected being spanked there to turn you on, yet it really fucking did. 

"Behave yourself, sweetheart," his tone was warning and rough and it only served to send another flood of arousal through you. 

"I'm sorry, Lieutenant," you murmured quietly, chest heaving as your body felt like a string pulled taut. 

"Good girl," he purred, his fingers dragging through your soaked folds and lazily circling your clit. You arched at his hand, needing more but not getting it. 

"So wet for me, Y/N. Bet you're needy for my cock in you, aren't you?" You could hear his smirk and you knew it would be the menacing one from earlier. 

"Yes, sir. Please," you begged, unashamed as you squirmed against his teasing fingers. He hummed as he slipped two inside of you and you gasped, mouth falling open. 

He was still teasing, fucking you at painfully slow pace with them as you moaned and pushed back onto them more, making him groan.

"Beg for it, sweetheart. Tell me how much you want this tight pussy to take my cock," he demanded roughly. 

"Billy, please. I don't want it, I need it. Please fuck me, just fucking destroy me," you pleaded wantonly. You figured your desperation was enough for him because he didn't punish you for using his name. In fact, he moaned at your words and his fingers suddenly left you. You felt him moving around, heard him unzipping his pants and practically rip them off rapidly. 

Then you were gloriously full with a large and thick cock in one swift movement and you let out a keening moan that blended with his deep groan. His large hands gripped hold of your hips roughly as he started railing into you like his life depended on it. You'd never been fucked quite like this before and your whole body was jostling from the force of it. You were moaning like a bitch, the noises tumbling from your lips without consent but you didn't care. His own pleased noises only heightened your pleasure and your back arched as you met each thrust. 

A dirty moan left his mouth and you felt him lean over you, felt the bed dip on your left side and then felt him lift your right leg and hitch it over his hip, spreading you even further. It seemed to make him go in deeper and you tugged at the handcuffs as you felt the need to find purchase on something as he fucked you at a savage pace. His moans were right in your ear now and you squirmed on his cock, making him growl and pick up his pace. 

You were already teased beyond comprehension and your moans got higher and higher the closer you got. You felt like you were dangling on the edge of a cliff, waiting for the moment you went careening off the edge. Another hard and deep thrust later and you were free falling. Your moans seemed to bounce off the walls as your back arched so much you'd probably look possessed. The hand on your thigh moved to your throat then, slender fingers applying some pressure as he fucked you. A second orgasm snuck up on you out of nowhere with that and you cried out as you writhed on his cock. His fingers tightened around your throat a little as he rut into you harder, sinful moans turning into feral growls as his thrusts got more erratic

You were floating on cloud nine when he let out a deep groan, hips stuttering as he spilled himself inside of you. His body sagged, leaning on you a little as he rested his head on your shoulder. You'd never felt this thoroughly fucked before and you were sure your brain had melted. You whined softly when he pulled out of you and you felt him move around. You felt the pressure on your wrists release and then the handcuffs being removed. He kissed the skin there softly and you smiled sleepily to yourself. Then the blindfold was gently being pulled away from your face. 

You hummed softly, forcing your eyes to open when you felt him lay down next to you. You squinted them as you blinked rapidly, trying to adjust to the light once more. You rolled into your side to face him and you were sure you were glowing. He was already looking at you and he gave you a dopey grin, making you snort softly.

"Enjoy yourself?" He asked wryly. He had a slightly smug tone to his voice and you were sure it was because he knew damn well you did. 

"That was… the best birthday gift ever. You're uh… really good at the whole… sex thing," you murmured with a stupid smile, brain still not quite working. Something flashed behind his eyes at your praise and his smirk widened. 

"The sex thing, huh?" He asked, amused.

"Shut up, you fucked the brain out of me," you protested with a whine. He laughed, shaking his head as he moved to lay on his back. 

You watched him, fully expecting him to get up and leave now he'd fulfilled what he came for. Instead, he shot you a smile as he pat his chest, raising a brow at you. You wriggled over to him before laying your head on his chest, curling around him. His arms came around you then making you feel safe and you smiled to yourself. He stroked your hair softly as your eyes fluttered closed.

"Happy birthday, sweetheart," he murmured sleepily. You hummed in response, already on the cusp of sleep after what he'd done to you. You had no idea if he'd be there in the morning and you'd worry about getting clean then too. Right now your body needed rest. You drifted to sleep feeling exhausted and like you were floating on a cloud. 

Taglist:

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@runawayolives

[you-show-me-love]

i would honestly love to hear to talk about these characters all day long! you have such insight & your formatting is so sick. so i'm sending you more <3 (if you so desire): mandy and/or fiona

Tbh I am honored and ilysm for indulging me ❤

Mandy "Medusa" Milkovich

How I feel about this character: Mandy Mandy Mandy. She's a tragedy in a sea of tragic characters and manages to stand out. She has similar characteristics to Mickey: loyal and loving with a tendency to put a Gallagher on a pedistal, but where Mickey overcame a lot of his tragic beginnings with the support of Ian (or at least the illusion of Ian's support but thats a whole other thing) Mandy didn't have anybody in the end. I feel a bit too much for Mandy if I'm honest.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: As weird as it is I'd say Ian. And this would be an entirely one sided romance obviously like it was in season one but he was the closest thing to a good fit for her. If Ian's story had him stuck deep in the closet for more of the show this would have been the best pairing.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: Mandy and Debbie! Young Debbie looking up to Mandy because she acts like an actual sister where as her actual sister has taken the role of her mother. I adore the way Debbie looked up to her but also how Mandy never seemed annoyed by Debbie's problems or questions about life. I think they both needed a sister.

My unpopular opinion about this character: Lip and Mandy was never good. I think Mandy globbed onto Lip because her and Ian could never have a true romantic relationship. She chose the next best thing and just like Mandy and Mickey, Ian and Lip do share some similar qualities that attract Mandy to them, but in the end Mandy was a placeholder for Karen and no matter what she did for Lip she was never going to rise above that. So yeah sorry MandyxLip shippers its not for me.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.: that she was there for Mickey and Ian's wedding! I wanted her there to see her best friend and brother get married not only because she would be so happy but because I think she'd be a little sad it wasn't her. I'd also want her to see Lip and Tami and Fred and understand her vision of his future wasn't ever in the cards. The episode was already emotional yeah but Mandy added to the mix would have been the perfect angst.

Fiona "Fight Me" Gallagher

How I feel about this character: Fiona carried so much of the show. She manages to rise and fall so often during the series and yet you still feel for her time after time. The fact that she remains sympathetic and you still root for her to crawl back out of the hole she's fallen in speaks to how much she deserves. I think she's a great example of struggle and how its not always in your face but its there in the background of every choice you make. When she fell she fell hard, but Fiona's never down for long.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: JimmySteve deserves some recognition for getting down in the trenches with her for the sake of their relationship. He's no saint and he himself ultimately couldn't adjust but he was willing to try. Everyone else (and actually also JimmySteve) can fuck off for trying to pull her off her life path because they thought they knew better.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: V and Kev both together and separate. I loved the sibling vibe Kev and Fiona had. It was a sibling relationship where she didn't have to take care of the person. V and Fiona is one of the few relationships we see that were simply friends with nothing holding them together but themselves. And the fact we got to seen them drift apart as their lives changed and their efforts to stay close weren't their priority, it was so organic that even though it was sad I appreciated it.

My unpopular opinion about this character: okay Fiona is great we all agree but the girl could have settled down just a bit. She's ambitious to a fault and the gambling she did with those ambitions put the whole family at risk. If homegirl could have just set herself a realistic goal of a full time job with benefits (even if it was just selling cups) there would have been a ripple affect of positive outcomes. I love that she never settled and always wanted more but I hated it at the same time.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon.: Okay this one maybe could go under unpopular opinion but I wish Fiona had had the baby instead of an abortion. I think it would have been an interesting turn for the character. How would she treat her own child in comparison to her siblings? What would she prioritize? How would she handle the responsibility of another 18 years of putting herself to the side? It would have been an interesting shift in her life that I would have loved to see play out.

[kirain]

What’s your opinion on one of the most controversial characters in the game, Mary Linton?

If I answer this question honestly, the fandom will come for me. XD

...Aw, screw it. Overall, I like Mary. She was clearly very much in love with Arthur, and he with her. She was a good influence on him, and she could've been a good wife and mother to his children, but I don't blame her for choosing an honest life instead of the life of an outlaw. I mean, we saw how that ended for everyone else. Karen loved Sean, but he got gunned down by the police. Dutch loved Annabelle, but she got killed by Colm. Mary-Beth loved Kieran, but he got slaughtered by the O'Driscolls. Hosea loved Bessie, but he deeply regretted not being able to give her a better life. Molly loved Dutch, but Dutch's obsession with crime and "freedom" caused him to abuse and neglect her, eventually leading to her own demise. It's never natural, it's always violent.

Then there's John and Abigail, who fought so hard but failed to escape their past ... because that's what the life of an outlaw does. It takes everything from you, it follows you, and eventually it kills you. Mary wasn't wrong to break it off, as I have no doubt she would've ended up another plain, wooden grave decaying in the middle of nowhere. She knew it, and Arthur knew it too, which is why he promised he'd quit. The problem is he didn't quit, despite all the opportunities he was offered. How many times had Mary heard that promise? I can't even imagine. Arthur's loyalty was to the gang first, and that makes for a very toxic relationship. The broach mission is the last time Mary calls on him, because she realises there will always be a new excuse.

"The truth is, there's never really any getting out."

My main and really only gripe with Mary is that after she made her decision (the right decision), she kept writing Arthur and asking him for help after her husband died. I get it, you don't want to cut the person you love out of your life forever, but it wasn't fair to Arthur. Her intentions weren't cruel. I've seen people calling her "manipulative", but I disagree. Her feelings for Arthur were genuine, she never wanted to hurt him, she didn't regard him as a tool (if you refuse to help her, she literally says she understands and doesn't get angry), and she went to him for help because she trusted him, but reconnecting over and over wasn't healthy for either party. That said, she did explain, quite blatantly, that it wasn't an attempt to get back together, but their feelings got the better of both of them.

In the end, Mary was proven right, especially if you play on low honour. It shouldn't have taken the downfall of the entire gang to convince Arthur to leave, and that's the most tragic part.

[harpersplay]

Genuine non-troll white woman here - you wrote "So I already knew that Good Girls was a white feminism phantasmagoria...But, jesus fucking christ, y'all are just showing your true colours lately. The way you talk about a MOC in relation to a white woman is disgusting." Not asking you to call out specific people or posts or start any kind of flame war but what would be a general example of what you are talking about? I follow a good chunk of people and I'm not seeing this maybe b/c I'm not following the same people, maybe out of willful blindness, maybe I'm not recognizing it - again, b/c of ignorance, etc. Just trying to understand what you mean - and not do it obviously, if I am doing it.

I apologise for taking a longish time to answer this. Honestly, I wasn't sure I wanted to get into it. Anyway, I'd first like to say that this is all my opinion. What bothers me might not bother someone else. BIPOC are not a monolith. Even subsections aren't. Not all Mexican trans men are a monolith. Neither are all Japanese lesbians. You get the idea. And that's not even including people like Ben Carson or Caitlyn Jenner—people who support and work for policies that actively harm the marginalised group of which they are a part. Secondly, I know this isn't your intention, but asking POC to tell you what is ok to do and what is not is a slippery slope to "my [blank] friend said this was ok." Finally, the fandom is quite small so it is pretty hard to give general examples. I don't know if it's more trouble to quote specific posts or not, because some will think it is about them anyway. Anything I'm going to mention I've seen on Tumblr, Instagram, Reddit and/or Twitter. But there are definitely popular Tumblr blogs that all push the same narrative. Oh, and one last thing, I haven't seen any of what I'm referring to from people I follow.

Ok, let's go. For a very long time, mainly WOC have pointed out the racial problems within the show and the extremely dismissive attitude about those problems from mainly white women. And while these same women have written thousands (even tens of thousands) or words about Beth (it's always Beth) and her struggles and the amazingness of such a complex female character (ymmv), they brush aside commentary about racism as either nitpicking, not understanding the show is about the 3 women (tell that to all the white men with fleshed-out storylines), or misogyny. The last is especially hostile because they are often talking over Black women and misogynoir is a very real fucking thing that couples the fun of being hated for being a woman with the delight of good old-fashioned racism. They espouse the idea that people having a problem with Beth are all covert & overt misogynists. But talk out the other side of their mouths that they can't possibly be racist even when they support racism in the show or ignore concerns brought up by fans of colour. And that is just the absolute height of hypocrisy. Because by the former they acknowledge that people in a marginalised group (women) can still be anti- that group (a phenomenon with which I agree). But in the latter, suddenly they don't understand that concept.

Specific to the post you are responding to, fans that purport to like Brio write about the relationship in ways that reveal how much of their enjoyment comes from Rio being inferior to Beth. It's all about what he can do for her, how he acts against his best interests for her, how he literally denies himself sexual pleasure for her. Those are all meant to show how in love he is with her. But the show never bothers to tell us why. And, no, this is not because the show is so deep. Other romantic relationships they have scenes that are explicit about the characters' feelings. But Rio, after being shot, after being betrayed, after being mocked, is just so in love with Beth....because. (MYSTERIOUS!) And the Beth stans are more than fine with this because they think everyone should be as obsessed with Beth as they are. But it's bad storytelling. And, in this particular case, it gets into very dicey racist tropes. A white women treating her Latino lover like an afterthought is not the same as a white women treating her white lover like an afterthought. It just isn't. And if some of these fans are as smart as they pretend to be, they know that. They just don't care. Much like the showrunners.

There was so much talk defending the drawn-out Boland marriage because why can't we understand how hard it is for Beth—who is, at various times, claimed to be emotionally abused by Dean or staying with him because it is safe and comfortable—and we don't appreciate how difficult it is for her (I may be one of the few divorced people talking about this show on Tumblr, so this has always made me laugh). Yet there was nothing but glee when Rio flipped on his brousin (who was written as both abusive and safe) for Beth. Where was the empathy for Rio and how hard it was for him? Especially because, unlike Beth, he didn't even have one parent? Hadn't the Beth stans used her very tragical history™️ to explain away her every shitty act? idk, not having any parents and going to jail (as a minor?) and being betrayed by your family seems pretty tragic. But I didn't see them all of a sudden excusing Rio's bad behaviour. Because, feminism or something?

What about Beth's feelings? Last season she spent trying to have him killed. This season she spent looking annoyed by him. Throughout both she talked down to him in a specific white woman way that every BIPOC has experienced, even if some of them are cool with it. There were multiple opportunites for Beth to talk about her feelings with Ruby and/or Annie, but the writers made the deliberate choice to always make it about sex (and god, the immature way they had these three grown women talk was fucking obnoxious). She spent the last 2 seasons also wanting him out of her life to the point that a majority of her actions in S4 were motivated by getting to Nevada with her husband and kids. Beth doesn't care about Rio but Rio needs to put Beth above everything because he's just so in love like he's never been before (which is blatant Marcus & Rhea erasure). And anyone who doesn't think Beth would have just as happily been sitting on that bench plotting how to "run the city" (hahahahaha!) with Nick if the situation worked out differently hasn't been paying attention.

So, what do we have? A white woman who is constantly excused (by the loudest portion of the fandom) for all her ill treatment to her Black BFF & her Black husband, her Asian coworker, her Latina "friend," and Rio (among others) because her life is hard and who is not required to even be nice to her supposed "endgame". And a MOC who is expected to accept being treated poorly by the white woman because he loves her.

And, a last thing, this attitude grossly crossed over into talk about real people when the fans—who self-righteously claimed to be above anon sources or talking about the actors—latched on to the narrative and enjoyed blaming the MOC actor for the cancellation of the show, even dragging his insignificant (in terms of influence) Black wife into it. All while conveniently ignoring that the creator/showrunner is a white woman. The star & producer is a white woman. The people making the decisions at NBCU & Netflix were white women. All white women with so much more power than the Latino actor.

Shit, did I answer your question? I know this is a lot. But I could honestly make mulitple posts on each issue I touched on here. Basically, white people ain't slick, be they content creators or fans. We see how & what y'all talk about. We see that Rio not having a last name is not a big deal to you and we know why that is. So we're fucking tired. And we're over a show that had so much potential crapping all over their POC characters to prop up a white woman. And we're repulsed by the white women in the fandom who use their tears to seem oppressed and who toss around the word misogynist because POC dare call a Karen a Karen.