#and just. the Toll that what bella goes through takes on her and all

[uniquezombiedestiny]

Why was I made this way?

full text (its bella monologue sunday!):

"I'm always here to help." That's what I always say! But sometimes, I have to wonder, well… why else am I here? Whenever I fall down or… or have one of those bad days, I just think, "Well, there's work tomorrow." Hm? Oh, it's not that bad. You get used to it. But anyways, sometimes it just makes me think - what am I? Outside of being your Captain-… I know my name. But what's my purpose? What's the meaning of all my time here? Because so many horrible things keep happening. So many- so many spikes, penetrating straight through my mind; so many things made to laugh and jeer at me; "You couldn't do it! You never could. Never." What else was I possibly made for other than to help you? I wasn't born the way a person was. I was built like a machine, all my life… So why.. Why do I feel anything? Why does everything just drag me down? Why can't I let go of everything I feel while everyone else diligently works? It's tiring. Really tiring. So why couldn't I have just been built out of metal and wires instead? Why couldn't they have just made me a machine? A perfect, unfeeling metal body. Noone could ever hurt me again. I'd never have to cry; to deliberate; to feel guilty about anything… Why? Why was I made this way? Why am I a human being at all in this place… if not to fail..?

[rainyreading]

Hey! I know you said you were looking for ideas, so here goes. Theo and Mattheo both see reader hating on herself, and decide to help her feel better. Smut or no smut, ur choice!

Low Self-Esteem

wc: 935

a/n: I don’t really write for Mattheo but since I didn’t specify what characters I write for when I asked for ideas I decided to include him. Thank you for requesting I hope this is alright.

requests open

Throughout your life you have had pretty low self esteem. You never really felt pretty and you rarely looked at yourself in the mirror and thought you looked good. This took a toll on you but you didn’t expect it to get worse like it has this year.

All you wanted to do was rot in your bed and see no one when you didn’t have classes. But Pansy had other plans. She wanted to drag you to a Slytherin party, to accompany her and in hopes you have fun. It was quite possibly the last thing you wanted to do. But Pansy is insistent and dose not take no for an answer.

“Pansy I don’t want to be here, I feel terrible, I look terrible, I just wanna leave.” You spoke as Pansy held your hand and led you through the common room.

“Boo you’re no fun. You look hot and come on would it hurt you to have a little fun?” Pansy responded.

“I honestly have fun in my bed.” You grumbled.

Pansy smirked. “Not like that, you know what I meant,” you dismissed.

“I’m gonna go get us some drinks,” Pansy announced.

“Oh so you’re leaving me?”

“You’ll be fine.”

Meanwhile through a cloud of smoke Theo and Mattheo were watching you. They noticed your look of displeasure and wondered what was wrong. Mattheo and Theo have been your friends for a while. They seemed to always be there for you.

Pansy came back with drinks and you figured you would have a drink or two to take the edge off. You wanted to stop your racing negative thoughts and relax. Firewiskey would usually do the job so you downed it in one gulp.

“Let’s dance,” Pansy suggested.

“No I’m gonna sit this one out, you go have fun though.”

“Suit yourself.” Pansy went to the center of the room and started dancing with Daphne.

Mattheo and Theo were on the couches smoking a cigarette. After having a few more glasses of firewiskey you stumbled to where they were.

“Y/N!” Theo exclaimed.

“Hey daisy,” Mattheo called out. Mattheo called you daisy because you liked flowers and he thought you were pretty.

“Hey guys how’s it hanging.”

“Just chillin watching the party,” Theo spoke.

“How are you?” Mattheo asked.

“I’ve been better,” you replied.

“Why what’s wrong?” Theo asked as he blew out some smoke after taking a drag.

Maybe it was the alcohol that made you want to overshare but you said, “I just haven’t been feeling really great about myself. You know I just hate how I look and how I feel. It’s terrible how much hatred I have.”

“Aw Daisy, don’t be so hard on yourself,” Mattheo cooed.

“What could you possibly hate about yourself? You’re perfect bella.” Theo complimented.

“Yeah I mean you’re hot as fuck,” Mattheo added.

“Thanks guys, but I don’t really think-“

“Shut up. I don’t wanna hear it. I want to hear yourself say you’re beautiful. Come on say it. I am beautiful.” Mattheo instructed.

“I am beautiful,” you mumbled.

“Louder.”

“I am beautiful.” you rolled your eyes.

“There. Now believe it because it’s true.”

You smiled at him and decided you wanted more to drink.

“I’m gonna get more alcohol, you guys want anything?”

“No thanks,” they said.

The table of alcohol was dwindling, but you managed another cup full. You were starting to get more than tipsy. You stumbled your way back to Theo and Mattheo. On your way over to them you passed by a mirror. It made you start crying because you hated your reflection.

Tears were streaming down your face as you made it to the guys.

“Jesus Daisy, what happened?” Mattheo asked.

“Poor baby, what’s wrong?” Theo asked.

“Oh you guys it’s nothing really. I just hate myself,” you sniffled.

“Come sit on the couch with us,” Theo commanded.

There was space on the couch between Theo and Mattheo. You sat down and continued sipping your drink.

“Don’t cry bella,” Theo wiped your tears with his thumb.

“I would show you how beautiful I think you are, (meaning sex) but i think you’re a little too drunk.” Theo explained.

“You wanna hear something funny?” Mattheo just wanted you to feel better.

“Sure.”

“Are you a Dementor? You just took my breath away.”

You giggled and Mattheo smiled, it was music to his ears.

“I have a funny story as well. The other day Draco fell down the stairs and he sprained his ankle. It was hilarious.”

Mattheo and Theo noticed you stopped crying so whatever they were doing must be helping.

“I bet, I wish I woulda saw it,” you half laughed.

“I hope you know how special I think you are. Don’t change because I think your beauty is stunning.” Theo gushed.

“Yeah. I mean you got everything going for you. What’s it gonna take for you to stop hating yourself and believe that you’re pretty?” Mattheo spoke.

“I don’t know I guess I need more confidence. But thanks guys I feel better already.”

“Good. But I think you’ve had enough to drink. Think it’s time to call it quits.” Theo mentioned.

Theo stood up and outstretched his hand for you to take. You swayed a little as you stood but got ahold of Theo’s hand. Mattheo stood up last and guided you with a hand on the small of your back.

When the three of you reached your dorm room, you opened the door and you all entered.

“I’m tired.” You expressed flopping on your bed.

Mattheo and Theo tucked you in.

“Goodnight Daisy.”

“Goodnight Bella.”

[tailwindpets]

Dog Knee Braces: The Secret to a Speedy Recovery After Surgery

Picture this: your energetic Labrador, Max, bounding through the backyard, tail wagging, chasing after his favorite ball. Then, one day, the excitement turns into a sudden yelp of pain. A trip to the vet confirms your worst fear—Max has torn his ACL, a common injury in dogs. Surgery is inevitable, but the road to recovery can feel daunting. This is where a dog knee brace can make all the difference, speeding up recovery and offering much-needed support.

The Game-Changing Role of Dog Knee Braces

ACL injuries (Anterior Cruciate Ligament) are common in dogs, especially active breeds. Studies show that approximately 1 in 5 dogs will suffer from some form of knee issue in their lifetime, with ACL tears topping the list. The surgery to repair an ACL tear can cost upwards of $3,500 and requires months of post-op care . This is where knee braces come into play.

While many dog owners focus solely on surgery as the solution, a knee brace can enhance the recovery process significantly. These dog braces act as external support, stabilizing the knee joint and reducing strain on the injured leg, allowing your pup to heal faster and with less pain.

Why Most Websites Don’t Talk About the True Impact of Knee Braces

When it comes to post-surgery recovery, many online resources will highlight pain medications, rest, and follow-up vet visits. What they don’t emphasize is that a custom-fit knee brace can drastically reduce recovery time by allowing your dog to regain mobility more quickly. One of the key benefits of a knee brace is that it helps prevent re-injury, which is common in dogs recovering from surgery.

What’s often overlooked is that 60% of dogs who tear their ACL in one leg will likely tear the other within a couple of years if proper precautions aren't taken . A knee brace offers preventative support, not just for the injured leg, but also for the healthy one, minimizing the chances of a future injury.

How Knee Braces Provide More Than Just Physical Support

We know that a dog knee brace helps stabilize the joint, but what about the emotional toll that surgery takes on dogs? Most owners aren’t aware that post-surgery anxiety is real in dogs. Losing the ability to run, jump, and play as they once did can lead to frustration and restlessness. The confidence that comes with wearing a knee brace for dogs cannot be understated. It helps dogs feel secure in their movements, easing the mental strain that often accompanies physical rehabilitation.

The Best Fit for Your Furry Friend: Choosing the Right Knee Brace

While generic dog knee braces are available, a custom knee brace is a game-changer. Every dog’s body is unique, and the healing process is highly individual. A custom-fit brace ensures that the injured leg gets the exact level of support needed, without discomfort or irritation.

Veterinarians and canine orthopedic experts recommend custom braces because they align perfectly with the dog’s anatomy, offering better results than off-the-shelf options. These custom braces are built to accommodate your dog’s weight, breed, and specific injury, optimizing healing and reducing overall recovery time.

A Success Story: Bella’s Road to Recovery

Take Bella, a 7-year-old Golden Retriever who underwent surgery for a torn ACL. Her owners were told it would take six months for her to walk comfortably again. However, after being fitted with a custom dog brace, Bella was back on her paws in just three months. Her owners noticed that she wasn’t limping as much and even started running short distances sooner than expected. They credit her knee brace for giving her the stability and confidence to heal faster.

Conclusion: Why Your Pup Deserves a Knee Brace

Incorporating a dog knee brace into your pet’s post-surgery plan can be the secret weapon that many pet owners overlook. From speeding up recovery to preventing further injury, dog braces provide vital support that goes beyond what’s commonly discussed. Whether your dog is recovering from surgery or dealing with chronic knee issues, a knee brace for dogs can be the key to a healthier, happier future.

If your furry friend is about to undergo surgery or you’re looking for ways to aid their recovery, a dog knee brace should be at the top of your list. Your pup deserves the best chance at a full, active life—and a knee brace might just be the secret to getting them there.

Sources:

Veterinary Orthopedic & Sports Medicine Group – ACL Injuries in Dogs Statistics.

American College of Veterinary Surgeons – Canine Cruciate Ligament Injuries.

Journal of Small Animal Practice – Preventing Contralateral ACL Tears in Dogs.

The Whole Dog Journal – Dog Post-Surgery Anxiety and Recovery Management.

This article provides valuable insight into the often-overlooked benefits of dog knee braces while using storytelling to engage the reader and encourage a deeper understanding of the recovery process for dogs.

[raziroo]

Chapter Four | I Take A Liking To Lilac All Of A Sudden

Pairing: Lotor x Reader (There you go)

Genre: Angst? I don't knowww

Warnings: Mentions of cancer, mild swearing

Word Count: 1,676

Author’s Note: This is kind of a filler? I can't write long shit in one sitting, so. It's important to reader and lotor's relationship, tho.

‘Good luck. Come back alive, all of you, alright?’ I asked, my eyes roving over the three people standing before me – Matt, Pidge, and Shiro. ‘It’s, like, one of the simplest things you could do. You give Lotor, you get Mr. Holt. Simple. Very simple and easily doable. Right?’ My gaze dragged over all of them once more as I picked at my nails nervously. As much as I was aware of the fact that this trade wasn’t simple and easily doable, I knew that I would legitimately have a nervous breakdown if I didn’t spew lies through my teeth.

Shiro smiled at me lightly. ‘Of course. I’ll make sure nothing goes wrong. You guys take care too.’

‘If, however, anything happens,’ Allura chided, ‘the other lions will arrive as soon as possible.’

‘Yeah,’ Pidge said with a wry smirk, ‘so try not to pass out.’

‘Okay,’ I nodded my head rapidly, ‘yeah, okay, I – I can do that.’

‘Good. Well, we’ll get going then,’ Shiro announced, and turned around, the others following him.

Hopefully, all would go well.

. . . . .

You know what? Everything actually went relatively well. Yes, my hunch turned out to be correct and Zarkon chose to go through with the ‘I was lying all along! Bwahahaha!’ route and ended up getting himself killed at the hands of his son, but overall, I’d say it was a win-win, seeing that we got Pidge’s father back (thank God, who knows what havoc she’d wreak if we ended up not getting Sam back) and the evil maniacal tyrant who’d been ruling over the universe for ten thousand years died.

The one downside was that now there needed to be a new Emperor, because following Zarkon’s death, not only the Galra empire, but simultaneously the entire universe had gone into a state of chaos too. There was no doubt that underlings and generals would try to take over smaller parts of the empire, and once that happened, Voltron being able to do anything would be a stretch.

And, according to Lotor, a ceremony to crown the new emperor, the Kral Zera, would now be taking place. Once he said that, he really didn’t need to say more – it was obvious what his implications were. A new emperor was to be crowned, and if Voltron was to achieve peace, Lotor would have to go and secure the throne. It was a sensible thought to be had, no problem. The thing was, to reach the Kral Zera, which was taking place in two days, in itself was a decision to be taken with utmost thought. The Paladins just didn’t have enough time to decide.

On the one hand, Shiro and Lotor were adamant that the latter be crowned emperor; the other Paladins, however, were justifiably hesitant. I had been standing there listening to them going back and forth, not saying a word myself, like always.

To be honest, I just wanted to go sleep. For some reason, I’d been feeling overly anxious these past few days. White was still not responding to me, I was having regular dreams about the day I woke up here. It was always that one day, that first conversation I had with Shiro. It was as if my subconsciousness too wanted me to reach out to Shiro because there was clearly something weird going on with him.

My suspicions only solidified when I heard Shiro’s voice boom through the room. My head snapped up. Lance with a look of shock and the slightest bit of fear on his face, Shiro’s visage twisted with uncharacteristic anger.

‘Shiro. I think you should just relax a little.’ The man turned to me, brows pinched.

‘I am relaxed -’

‘No, I really think you aren’t… so, like… take it easy, yeah?’ I asked, jumping my eyebrows, arms still folded in front of me, maintaining a calm yet defensive posture. I could feel the entire room’s gazes on me. After all, I almost never spoke in such discussions, or any discussions, really, and indirectly opposing Shiro, of all people, was way too brave a thing for me to do.

Shiro looked at me with slight disbelief, a glint in his eye challenging me to speak up. ‘You want me to take it easy? Take it easy? The fate of the universe depends on this, taking it easy is really not an option right now. I’ve put my foot down – as the Leader of Voltron, I’ve taken this decision. You aren’t someone befitted to oppose me.’

Ok, wow. Everyone shared the same opinion apparently, as now the silence seemed piercing. Clicking my tongue, I tilted my head. ‘Well, maybe not as a Paladin, which I’m not, or a member of the coalition. But as a friend, Shiro, you’ve been acting strange. Everyone realises this. You realise this. … Maybe, I don’t know… maybe all this reflecting on you’ve been doing, maybe the role of leader is taking a toll on you? I, heh,’ I chuckle, ‘I really am not sure. But you’re not relaxed, and you’re not acting yourself.’

‘Could you please not tell me how to be a Paladin?’

‘While you all waste time squabbling, sinister forces are conspiring to fill the Galra power void. If I don’t return to claim the throne, there’s no telling who will.’

Does being royalty instantly make you a hundred times more dramatic? Sinister forces? Deadass?

I walked out.

. . . . .

Shiro went behind our back.

Yeah.

Acting like a complete bitch, he took Lotor to the Kral Zera, where, for your information, he could’ve been blown up. By Keith.

I wanted to deck Shiro. Instead, I visited White. I had hopes she’d respond to me, since I’d been brave and spoken my mind. I prayed on all the Gods and Deities above that my expectations became reality.

Yeah, they didn’t. She didn’t budge. The whole entire two goddamned hours I sat in front of White, she ignored me. Frustrated, I ended up punching her, resulting in bleeding knuckles. Lotor saw that, by the way. He seemed to always be keeping an eye on White, regardless of me being there or not, which I admit is a little strange, but I wasn’t judging. These aliens seemed to worship the Lions.

Lotor also invited us to the Galra headquarters, and lord oh my lord, was it fancy. Allura had gone off to do research with Lotor (I’d been about to make a joke about what “research” those two were really about to do, if you catch my drift, but then I saw Lance looking at the pair glumly, and thought better of it. I’d lightly punched Lance on the shoulder, and raised my eyebrows so as to say ‘They’re gorgeous aliens who could give Bella Hadid and Harry Styles a run for their money, it can’t be helped.’ He laughed.) I accompanied Hunk, Lance and Pidge in their shenanigans for a while, but ended up wandering around the place.

Space was beautiful. Even through a window, I wanted to just stare at it for as long as I could, enjoying a show more realistic than ever before. It was really similar to all the Marvel movies I’d watched; I felt a weird sense of pride at that realization. I remembered how I’d cried at the end of Infinity War, my friends clinging to me and bawling as well; how loud I’d squealed at an absolutely steamy piece of Kakashi fanart Cory had drawn; how happy I’d been when Sasha, my neighbour and childhood friend, had come out victorious after battling cancer for years.

I hadn’t realized when the tears had started slipping down my cheeks. I wiped at them, but they wouldn’t go. Sniffling and wiping so furiously my skin would get burned when I heard footsteps, I turned to see Lotor approaching me.

‘Hey -’ shit, my voice was so thick. Clearing my throat obnoxiously loud, I greeted him again. ‘Hey, uh… what… how’s yours and Allura’s research going?’

‘The research has been going quite smoothly.’

‘Hmm. Nice.’

Lotor was staring – no, correction - scrutinising me. I could feel it, his intense as hell eyes burning into the side of my face. I wasn’t going to give up, though. I stared at the window with as much concentration as he me.

He was the first to speak up. Ha.

‘You’re not of the Paladins.’

‘Really? I didn’t know, thanks,’ I still wasn’t looking at him.

‘Deepest apologies if I offended you -’

‘You didn’t, it’s okay.’

‘…’

‘…’

‘…If you wish to answer, why do you appear… distant, compared to the other Paladins? You say they are your friends, but there’s such scarce interaction… you seem acquaintances at best.’

‘… They are my friends. I like to think so, because, well… because I don’t have anyone to go back home to.’

‘Oh. My apologies, I didn’t mean to pry.’

‘You didn’t pry, chill. It’s not that my family’s dead or anything, it’s just that… no, well, my family is dead, but… like, they’ve been dead for around three hundred or so years…?’ I turned to Lotor, brows furrowed. He looked less confused than me.

‘Sorry, no, that’s – that’s shit explanation, um… you could say… I… I’ve lived past my time. I’m alive when I’m not supposed to be.’

I didn’t explicitly mention, as you can see, that I was a time traveller, because I wasn’t really one with that fact yet. I’d accepted it, yes, but that didn’t mean I was comfortable with it. It was still a foreign truth, something I didn’t take great joy in talking or thinking about.

When I turned to Lotor, I felt like he’d understood what he needed to already.

It was bizarre. A lilac alien was the last person I would expect to understand me so easily, but it was what it was.

[rons-hermiones]

Come Find Me

Come Find Me

by rons-hermiones

Summary: Unplanned, Hermione is forced to spend Christmas at the Burrow due to her grandmother falling very ill. After being ignored by Hermione for weeks, Ron is determined to show her how much she means to him. Just before he gets the chance to tell her, Bellatrix Lestrange shows up with other plans for Hermione. Can Ron get to her before it's too late? (Ron/Hermione Half-Blood Prince AU)

Rating: M for language & dark themes in later chapters.

Chapter Fifteen

“It’s him.” Ron says darkly, praying Harry can keep him out. 

Bill is rushing to the floor to help the writhing boy, until Ron’s shouts stop him, “no!” He warns making him stop. 

The entire room freezes at the yell as the ginger takes it upon himself to fall to his knees and console Harry. Carefully, he shakes his shoulder and turns him over, just trying to make him comfortable. 

“A pillow! Someone get me a pillow!” He instructs pointing wildly to the sofa. 

Someone, Fleur, he thinks, places a crocheted pillow onto the floor as Ron takes the liberty to prop the cushion under Harry’s frantically shaking head. 

“Come on Harry. Come on mate. Fight it.” He pleads quietly from his spot above his thrashing friend. 

And like Harry heard, he complies. His body begins to relax as the jolts of pain subside into a dull ache and subtle twitch. 

“Harry.” Ron says gently. 

As he floats back into consciousness, the chosen one's hand finds the scar on his forehead, which is now brandished into a cold sweat. Without realizing it, he groans, the memories of what occurred coming back to him. 

The ginger takes notice of the sounds of pain pushing past the dark haired boy's lips and dares to question it, “Harry, what is it? What did he want?” 

One word it’s all the Boy-Who-Lived can manage and it’s enough to evoke an immense amount of fear throughout the room. But none more prevalent than in Ron. 

“Hermione.” Harry all but cries out, as his green eyes meet wide blue ones. 

...

Once the dizziness passes along with the urge to be sick, the first thing that resonates is the ground. It’s hard and cold, sending a chill down her spine. The next thing is the darkness. She can see virtually nothing. Her hands viciously scour the stone for any sense of where she is. 

The roughness of what appears to a book rubs against her palm. Seemingly forgetting her situation, she pulls it close, that is until a voice breaks her reverie. 

“Lumos.” Bellatrix spits out as the edge of her wand ignites a small light. 

Quickly, almost instinctively, Hermione cowers into the corner, the book, whatever it is, hidden between her body and the wall.

“I am tired.” The witch regards, eyes roving over to Greyback who shuffled outside the small chambers confining Hermione. 

Lestrange however, was hovering over her scarily, “traveling with such dead weight takes a toll on me.”

Without realizing it, Hermione scowled at the comment. Bellatrix acted as if she was begging to join them. 

And then before she could realize what was happening a terrible pain blossomed over her rib cage. The very spot where the dark haired witches heeled boot had seemingly kicked her. 

“You ought to learn to teach me with respect, Mudblood! You should be grateful, such filth is usually prohibited from a place so sacred.” She shrieks, spitting wildly as she does. 

At the words Hermione does allow a moment to try and piece together where she is. It’s no use, all she can make out is four walls of dreadful grey stone and a cut out for an iron barred door. She just prays that there’s a window to offer light in the morning. 

Her voice drops, “now I shall leave you. You are of no use to me now as it is too late to disturb the Dark Lord. You better rest Muddy, you have a big day tomorrow” she giggled madly, turning to the just outside the iron bars. 

Her eyes flick to where Greyback is standing, he’s grinning and licking his lips as his dark eyes bore into hers. Hermione squirms uncomfortably. 

Satisfied with the interaction Bellatrix slams the door, then saunters away, Fenrir in tow, as she hums to herself. 

Finally finding her strength, Hermione slings herself at the iron bars, ignoring how the impact hits her ribs she screams. 

“Let me out!” The seventeen years old yells. 

Bellatrix stops dead in her tracks. Greyback does the same, but she waves him to go on. 

Stepping over with her dimly lit wand, she faces Hermione, noses almost touching through the rungs. 

“I can’t help you.” The tears finally hit as the brunette cries to her captor. 

Then, Bellatrix points her wand right at Hermione’s throat. Frightened, she tries to protest but soon realizes words can’t come out. 

Frantically, she grabs at her throat, she can’t manage anything but pitiless heaves. 

“Save your voice Mudblood.” Lestrange smiles, “there will be plenty of time to scream tomorrow.” She pauses, “better yet, the Dark Lord will make you sing.” 

At this, the light fades out leaving a horrified Hermione behind. 

It just hit her, tomorrow she’d do the most terrifying thing in her life. Something that Harry has done a multitude of times and barely made it out alive, even with a wand. 

Tomorrow she would face Voldemort. 

Collapsing against the wall, she sobs into her hands. Praying that this is all some sick twisted dream and soon enough she’d wake up on her camp bed in Ginny’s room. 

Her cries are silent, prevented by Bellatrix’s silencing spell, she just wishes she could scream. 

Scream for her ill grandmother. Scream for the fact she can’t remember the last time she saw her parents. Scream for Harry, that another bad thing happened to him. Scream for Ron, for treating him the way she did. For never saying goodbye, to say what she wanted to. 

Crying for who knows how long, Hermione finally collapses completely, letting her body drop onto the floor. 

She prepares for her head to make an impact with the cold stone, instead, it falls on top of hard, rough, and worn cloth. 

Picking up her heavy head, she feels at the thing. Parts of it are torn, the edges frayed with what seems to be wrapping paper. 

Then it hits her. 

This is Ron’s gift. She must’ve grabbed it when they apparated. 

Scrambling to her feet, with the thing she assumes to be a book in her hands, she goes to the bars. There’s a faint glow from a candle down the hallway and if she strains her eyes hard enough she can vaguely make out the words on it. 

Hogwarts, A History, 

She swears she reads in thick black letters. 

Not that she’s ungrateful, but it’s a peculiar thing to gift her when he knows she has her own copy. Nevertheless, she opens the book, slapping her in the face is a long body of black messy scrawl. That which she knows to belong to Ron. 

It’s loopy and barely legible, especially under the lack of light. The only thing she can make out are words like, sorry, Christmas, her name, and the word forgive. 

It’s not much but her eyes are strained to the point of hurt. Her tears absently stain the pages as she flips through the book, slowly she begins to realize that on each margin are little notes. They’re too small to read in the darkness, but she knows the writing to be Ron’s. 

She soon remembers a fifth year version of herself crumpled under a window, with Ron at her side. She recalls telling him she’d love it if he read Hogwarts, A History, and much to her disappointment all Ron said was: ‘I’d need a bloody good reason to pick this thing up.’ 

Yet, he had. 

Falling to the floor again, the book clutches in her arms like a teddy bear, she goes to speak aloud. 

Realizing she can’t, she repeats the words in her head over and over, praying that by some miracle they’d get back to him. 

Come find me. 

Soon she finds exhaustion, her head filled with nothing but those three words and fiery red hair. 

Not even realizing she fell asleep, Hermione wakes up to loud footsteps coming down the nearby steps. 

She isn’t sure how much time has gone by. If it’s daytime, she wouldn’t know, there’s just black around her. 

Whoever is approaching has a lit candle as they stomp into the room. 

“Get up.” A voice hisses. 

Hermione doesn’t move. 

“Get up now or I’ll come in there.” As he steps forward, she notices a metal hand coil around the door and throws it open. 

The sight that meets her is a hunch backed, disgusting looking man. The witch even opens her mouth to say his name, but nothing comes as the silence charm remains. 

Peter Pettigrew walks in and grabs her arm roughly, forcing her on wobbly feet. 

“Bet you didn’t think you’d see me again did you?” Wormtail was clearly feeling rather confident, usually he was cowering somewhere. 

She wanted to tell him that she was surprised he was trusted with such a difficult task, but was physically unable to. 

Before she knew it, Wormtail had led her up a flight of stairs and what seemed to be a space as large as a ballroom. Above was a lavish chandelier, but it was covered in dusk. As was everything else in the room. 

Too busy taking in the dark wood floor, she failed to notice the figures lurking in the corners. 

“Ah Wormtail, thank you for gathering our guests.” 

He bowed, his cowardly behavior soon returning, “of course my Lord.” Peter said shakily. 

And then suddenly, the coldest, soulless eyes she’s ever seen find her own. 

Slowly, the pale figure comes toward her and begins circling her like a shark would to its prey, his snake following. 

“I’ve heard much about you, Mudblood.” Voldemort spits. 

She says nothing. Even if she could, she doesn’t want to. 

“No greeting? That’s no way to treat someone superior to your filthy blood.” He says angrily. 

Hermione opens and closes her mouth, unable to speak, looking much like a fish gasping for air. 

Nearby, Narcissa Malfoy seems to take note and takes sympathy for the girl. 

“Bella the silencing charm.” She nudges her sister. 

“Oh!” Bellatrix exclaims stepping forward, “excuse me my lord, the thing is under a silencing charm.” She bows nervously to her master. 

At this he flicks his wand and dismisses Lestrange with a wave of his unkempt, dirty hands. 

“You may speak now.” He tells Hermione. 

Again, she doesn’t want to. 

“Cat got your tongue? I had you yelling last night.” Bellatrix pipes up, stepping behind Voldemort. 

Then, You-Know-Who raises his wand at her and just as she shuts her eyes waiting for the impact, something stops him. 

“Sorry we’re late my lord.” Fenrir Greyback sounds from the fireplace, bowing as he says this. 

Behind him are two death eaters. One she doesn’t recognize, but is known as Scabior. The other, she does know. 

“Beautiful.” Scabior comments before he can help it. 

She cowers under their dark gazes. 

“Seems as if someone remembers you Dolohov.” Greyback comments with a grin, speaking to the other man. 

He steps forward, making Hermione stumble back, causing laughs to fill the room. 

“It seems as if you’ve forgotten,” Voldemort’s voice booms, making them all stop, “but the thing is mine first and foremost.” 

Choruses of agreements sound the room as a few of them offer a low bow. 

In a nearby corner Lucius Malfoy whispers to his wife to go upstairs. A request she’s more than happy to fulfill, not wanting to see what’s to come. 

“Now, address me properly and tell me what you know filth.” He demands of Hermione. 

She stands up tall, chin pushed forward and proud look on her face. She says nothing. 

“I thought I’d taken the silence charm off of you, no matter, Bellatrix, would you do the honors?” He asks the eager woman. 

“Of course my lord!” She leaps at the chance, “Crucio!” The witch bellows. 

A stream of red light shoots to Hermione and she falls to the floor in pain. The witch does her best not to make any noises, biting her lip so hard she draws blood in the process. 

Soon, the effects of the curse die down as Voldemort comes over and presses his barefoot to her cheek, pushing it into the floor. 

“Tell me what you know Mudblood!” He screams at her.

Briefly, she peers into his sunken eyes. 

At the sight, Hermione’s mind flashed to that book. The one she found on prefect rounds late one night whilst escaping from Ron. It was buried behind several books, in the restricted section. 

She knew how wrong it was, she shouldn’t even have been there, but she couldn’t help it, like it was calling to her. And for some odd reason, Hermione just knew a boy who once went by the name of Tom Riddle had picked up this very book. The very man standing in front of her now. Or what’s left of him anyway. 

Surely he couldn’t be talking about the horcruxes? Could he? How would he even know she knew such a thing? 

Despite that, she remains strong and silent despite the curse. 

Then, he crouches to the floor. Running one long nail, he pushes back her wild hair to see tears streaming her face. 

“So you don’t want to talk then?” He whispers sourly. 

Hermione remains perfectly still. 

“Nevertheless, you’ll be screaming.” The dark wizard says with a venomous smirk before standing. 

“Crucio!” He yells. 

And like his magic is stronger than Bellatrix's, the curse feels ten times more intense. It feels like her body’s burning from the inside out. And before she can help it, she screams. 

A horrible sound. 

As the effects of the curse wear off, the dull buzz in her ears fades, but the pain remains. 

“Want to talk now?” Voldemort asks, circling her again as the room smiles at the scene. 

Tears absently run down her cheeks as she manages the strength to shake her head. She has to stay quiet, for Harry, for Ron, for the entire fate of Wizarding Britain. 

“Very well,” he raises his wand again, she braces for the impact, “Cruc-” 

Before the words can leave his mouth, a loud thud sounds as Hermione’s blurry vision clears and she makes out someone writhing next to her, like she was moments ago. 

Bellatrix rushes over, placing her hands atop Voldemort’s trashing form. 

And Hermione knows that somewhere, Harry is doing the exact same thing. She just prays whatever he sees, will lead them right to her.

[littlemessyjessi]

Torn: Remus Lupin Story: PS OC:Chapter Five: Fearless First Year

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Remus Lupin Imagine Turned Story

Re-Written and Edit of an old story of mine I had on Mibba that deserved some more love and attention, lol.

Remus Lupin x Vega Black (OC, OFC, PLUS SIZE OC, PLUS SIZE OFC)

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“You occasionally see one, and it’s the thrill of a lifetime. But mostly all you ever see is a cloud of dust after they are gone. It’s their stubborn ability to survive that makes them so remarkable.” — Velma “Wild Horse Annie” Johnston

----------

Chapter Song Inspiration: 

“Fearless” - Olivia Holt 

--------

Days turned to weeks and by now all of Hogwarts had come to know Rowan Black as the Feisty First Year. Much to her embarrassment. James wouldn't shut up. Sirius was no help. They'd made BUTTONS with her face on them surrounded charmed blue flames. "Here, get your Feisty First Year buttons! The Rebellious Ravenclaw!" Vega’s blood boiled as she watched the two of them walk around the courtyard passing out buttons like she was some kind of freak at the circus. "James!" she hissed at him and he whirled around to see the very angry little eleven year old. "Come here!" "Ah, here she is now, ladies and gents!" he grinned and nudged Sirius who winked at her mischievously. She deadpanned at the both of them before searching out the only person who she could reason with. A person who just so happen to be hiding his face in a book. "Remus." she said placing her hands down on the table in front of the shy Gryffindor. He cleared his throat and looked up at her sheepishly, "Vega..." She arched a brow at him. "I didn't have anything to do with it..." he lied. Those stormy grey orbs narrowed at him viciously, "I'm a fairly good lie detector, Remus John Lupin." His brows rose into his hair line, "How did you know my middle name?" "I'm also wildly observant." she seethed. "Now, make them stop." "I can't..." he mumbled not wanting to go against his only friends. Although, he'd be lying if he said he wasn't a little afraid of her. Eleven or not....Vega had the ability to be terrifying when she wanted to be. "Coward." she snapped and he sunk further down. She was angry now but maybe she'd forgive him when she saw what was coming. "Step right up! Take your chance! Who's brave enough to face off against the Feisty First Year?!" James boasted and she rounded on him. "James Potter!" she hissed. "I am NOT getting in a fight." "There she goes, boys! Wound up already! Who's brave enough to take her on?" Sirius added. "Sirius...Orion...Black..." she seethed at her older cousin. "Stop encouraging him!" "What's the matter bitty baby? Afraid of a rematch?" Vega knew that voice and she glowered over at her older cousin....who now had her wand back...and an entourage. "Bellatrix, dear cousin!" Sirius boasted with a grin and started towards her, "Have a button!" "Get that thing away from me!" Bella snapped and slapped his hand away from her. "Oh, come now!" Sirius smirked. "Say, you beat V in a rematch and we'll put YOUR face all over the buttons!" "Sirius!" Vega snapped at him in disbelief. "I will not-" "What's wrong?" Bella sneered. "Afraid of a little competition....frightful first year?" Vega glanced over at her older cousin, Andromeda with an arched brow. "You're encouraging this?" Vega pressed in irritation. "No." Andromeda said. "I'm not." "And if I were to accept?" Vega challenged....effectively causing a roar of applause at a possible dueling match making her sigh and pinch the bridge of her nose. 

"Hypothetically speaking," Andromeda began. "If you were to accept in my presence I'd be obligated to stop you but since I've just remembered my potions homework....I'll be going over there." Andromeda said with a knowing smirk. For a prefect...she was oddly cool about a lot of things. Vega narrowed her eyes and ground her teeth together. They were idiots. All of them. Absolute idiots. "Let's do this." The students around her roared to life and Bella smirked. "One on one." Vega said. "Wand to wand." "Afraid cousin?" Bella taunted. "No, but I'm not stupid." Vega snapped. "You've always been a cheater. People who lack talent tend to go that route." A round of laughter coursed through the students at Bella's expense. "You little!" Bella snapped drawing her wand but Vega had already cast the disarming charm....landing Bella's wand in her hand. Again. "It's your temper than blocks your vision, Bella." Vega sighed with a shake of her head...though never taking her eyes off her opponent. Vega tossed it back to her. "Again." she said. The fire in Bellatrix' eyes told her that she aimed to hurt her this time but Vega was prepared. She never wanted to hurt others but Bella had a way of pressing her buttons. What happened next was fast and rapid fire. Hexes, curses, deflections and disarming charms flew between the two girls like lightning. Beams of light and gusts of power. What started as a simple duel had quickly turned into something else and Andromeda had already joined the group again. "You little blood traitor!" Bella roared at her younger cousin. "No one is here to protect you now! I can show you how our family treats traitors!" "Bellatrix!" Andromeda snapped but the grin on her younger sister's face told her she wouldn't be stopping. "Bella, no!" Andromeda lunged forward. She recognized the wand movement of the Cruciatis curse. Bellatrix turned on Sirius because she knew that was the way to get to Vega anyway. However, Vega had cast a protective shield in front of him throwing her back. "Get. away. from. him." Vega growled visciously. "Struck a nerve have I?" Bella smirked. “Ready to give up, Bitty Baby?” 

“Not likely.” Vega said. 

“Scared little baby!” Bella cackled. “Shaking with fear!” 

Vega snapped her wand around her head like a whip and the students backed up as the protection shield in front of Sirius widened....and encased the two girls in a dome. Andromeda ran forward in a panic but smacked into a barrier between herself and the girls. Things had escalated far quicker than she had anticipated....and now she couldn't stop it. Her fist beat on the barrier and she was soon joined by Narcissa and Sirius. "Sirius, make her stop!" she pleaded. "I can't!" he said. "She's protecting me! You can't talk to her when she's like that!" "Vega!" Andromeda said. "Take it down! Bella, don't you dare!" But she was too late. Bellatrix had turned to her younger with a glare. She took in the younger girl's form. She was using magic that was a bit beyond her level...and it was taking a toll on her. Blood ran from her nose and her grey eyes took on a glossy appearance. "Look at you." Bella sneered. "You're not even worth the air. Perhaps, I should just rid us all of you now. You can join your dirty blood traitor parents! Dear old dead mummy and daddy!”  "Sirius..." Andromeda whispered in horror. "Someone get the headmaster! Go! Somebody get some help!" Several beams of light and red sparks were shot into the air to alert the staff while other students ran for help. "Bellatrix! No!" Andromeda stared at her sister. She knew that look. Bella thrived on power. She thrived on having something's life in the palm of her hands. She was the child who set ant hills on fire. She was the child who choked frogs until they stopped moving. She was dark...and she loved seeing the light leave things. She could see now that she planned to do the same to Vega. Bella raised her wand, "Good bye, cousin." Vega struggled to her feet but she stood as tall as she could. She'd be damned if she let Bella take her on her knees. She'd give it all she had....even if it killed her. "Avada Kedavr-" "Expecto Patronum!" A beam of silver exploded from Vega’s wand.

“You got it, love.” she heard her father’s voice in her ear causing tears to well up. 

“Show ‘em what we’re made of, babydoll.” her mother’s voice in her other ear. 

Vega pushed the last bit of magic she had into the spell and an enormous horse erupted from the tip of Vega’s wand and charged forward.  

 It reared up over Bella's stunned form that had been blown backwards onto her back. 

The magnificent creature let out a powerful sound as it stood over the shaking second year's form. "I'm sorry!" Bella cried. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please don't- please don't!" Vega struggled to stand as she concentrated on the magic she'd just performed. It was far too advanced for her to even attempt and yet somehow she'd managed to do it. But it had taken every last bit she had left. As she collapsed, the horse vanished, the barrier broke and a rush of feet surrounded both the girls. The last thing Vega heard before she lost consciousness was, "That's impossible. A first year has never been able to perform a barrier spell that solid." "Barrier? Are you blind? She just produced a full formed patronus! This is amazing! My sister is amazing!"

“Not your sister. Your cousin.” 

“Oh fuck off! That’s my baby sister! My fucking amazing, badass, queen of a baby sister! This is fucking wicked!”  "Mr. Potter take Mr. Black to the Gryffindor common room immediately!" It made her smile a bit Sirius’ ability to be an absolute dork at the worst possible moment. It was that thought that let her slip into the darkness peacefully while the whispers ignited around her. 

Vega Black. 

Not the Feisty First Year. 

The Fearless First Year. 

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Chapter Four 

Chapter Six Coming Soon

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—–

Hello my lovelies!

Woooo child!  We got some friction! How do we feel about Vega fiesty retaliation? I’d love to hear from you!

Here is another rewrite of a previous work of mine that I had on Mibba! I did a bit of reworking on the character, her name and her backstory because I just felt like she deserved more!  I would love to know what you think of little Vega!

So please comment, reblog with thoughts and/or smash the ask box!  I do so love hearing from you my loves!

Love,

Kenny

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Love, Kenny

[dindjarindiaries]

Collide - Chapter 5

summary: Bella tries to remember what happened the night before, and fails to seek answers from the one person who knows them.

warnings: vomiting, angst, trauma, sexual talk

rating: R

word count: 3.840k

masterlist

chapter 5

You wake up the next day with nothing but regret—and a hangover from hell.

The good part of your morning is spent hunched over the toilet in your clothes from the night before. Your head feels much too heavy for your body, and you try to clear the fog to figure out how the hell you ended up back home—but you can barely even make a coherent thought. Thankfully, the three of you managed to get today off work as if by a stroke of luck, and so you don’t have to try to suffer your way through a work day in such a horrible state. Once you’re sure you’ve emptied out at least half of your guts and managed to pay for your dumb decisions the night before, you finally stand up and make a bolder attempt to get things straight. You hop in the shower, hoping the water will also wash your mind clean, but only get part of the way there by the time you’re slipping into your most comfortable clothes.

It’s when you’re making your light breakfast of toast that it starts coming back to you. You’re sipping gingerly at the water in your glass when you remember the same glass sitting on your bedside table this morning. You have no idea how it got there, or who could’ve put it there, but you assume it was by whoever managed to get you home. The last thing you can remember is dancing with Connie, and even that’s a little fuzzy. But the rest isn’t. You wish it was, because all your mind decides to remind you of is the way Javier was dancing with that stranger.

She’s probably in his bed right now, you think, scoffing to yourself as you take another sip of water. You try not to empty your stomach once again at the utter thought of it.

The sound of your toast popping up scares you out of your thoughts, causing you to jump a bit as you turn around. You chuckle at yourself and shake your head as you lightly butter it and start to chew on it, not necessarily wanting to do so but also knowing you need to get something in your stomach. It’s starting to drive you more and more insane that you don’t know how you got home. You assume it was Connie with the assistance of Steve, since Javier was too wrapped up in his conquest of the night, but you agonize yourself at the thought of what you could’ve said along the way. You never get drunk—it messes with your ability to control yourself and the situations you’re put in—so you’re fearful you let something risky slip while you were blacked out.

Knowing you can’t wait any longer for confirmation, you finish your toast quickly and reach for your pair of sunglasses, using them to try to ease your headache as you leave your apartment. You choose to ignore the fact that you’re solely in a pair of athletic shorts and an oversized college t-shirt as you make your way up the stairs, knocking at Steve and Connie’s door before you can convince yourself to leave them alone.

Connie’s thankfully the one who answers, her eyes widening as she sees you. “You’re alive!” she exclaims jokingly, causing you to laugh lightly. “But I can tell it’s a miracle.”

“Yeah, you can say that again,” you mutter, thanking her as she lets you into the apartment. You look around, furrowing your brow when you don’t see your partner. “Is Steve here?”

“No, he’s runnin’ errands with Olivia right now,” Connie informs you. “He was beggin’ to get out of the apartment for somethin’ other than work.” You nod understandingly, sitting at the counter as Connie raises an eyebrow. “Did you need him?”

“Oh, no, not really,” you assure her. You clear your throat, swallowing your pride as you accept the glass of water she’s poured for you. “I just, well, I need someone to fill me in.”

Connie tilts her head at you. “Fill you in?”

You bite your lip, running one hand over your neck in your nervous manner as your other hand grips the glass of water. “I… don’t remember anything after we danced.”

Connie’s gaze flashes with understanding. “Oh, I see.” She giggles to herself, taking a sip of her coffee as she gives you an impressed expression. “You surprised me with that, I can’t lie. I didn’t take you for the type.”

You exhale deeply as you release your neck and the glass, dipping your fingers under your sunglasses as you run your hands over your face. “I’m not. Last night was a rare occasion.” You reopen your eyes to see Connie’s expression morph into something more of sympathy.

“Already feelin’ the toll of work?”

You scoff. “That’s one way to put it.” You pause, studying Connie from behind your sunglasses for a quick moment as you ponder going on. She’s already become quite the confidante for you during your first week, and you know she doesn’t have anyone else to tell about your troubles—aside from Steve. But you feel that if you make it obvious you don’t want him to know, she won’t tell. So, with a deep breath, you decide to push forward. “It was because of my partner.”

Connie’s brow furrows. “I’m gonna assume you don’t mean my husband.”

“That’s a correct assumption.”

“So, Javi, then?” When you nod, Connie’s gaze flashes with remembrance—and a look of panic that you don’t necessarily like. The latter reaction, however, disappears quickly, and you choose to ignore it as she goes on. “Oh, yeah, I saw him, too. But that’s not out of the ordinary. Must’ve been weird for you, though.”

You shake your head, taking a sip of your water as you prepare yourself to fill her in. “Connie, it wasn’t just ‘weird.’ It was… well, heartbreaking.” When Connie gives you a look of confusion, you continue elaborating. “There’s a part of my and Javi’s story that you haven’t heard yet. But, please, don’t tell anyone.”

Connie lifts her hands in mock surrender. “I’ve got no one to tell but a man who probably won’t care to hear it, girl. Go for it.”

You snort at her comment, clearing your throat before speaking again. “Javi and I were best friends growing up, just like I told you. When high school came around, though, everything changed for me. I realized that I felt—well, much different than I did before. It was tormenting, really, to see him go through other relationships and also suffer through some of my own, knowing where my heart truly was. And then… senior prom rolled around.” You pause, feeling your chest get heavy as you recount the night that used to be so perfect to you—and now is so tainted. “We went together. As friends—I thought. And then we danced together, and we kissed, and we started acting like a couple, and then we… you know…”

Connie covers her hand with her mouth to suppress a gasp. You give her a knowing nod.

“I thought we’d be together after that. But Javi pretended that nothing ever happened, and I played along until just before he left for college. Our confrontation didn’t go as well as expected, and that’s the last time I saw him until a week ago.” You bite your lip for a moment, trying to collect your thoughts and emotions. “No matter how many years passed by, though, my heart stayed with him. I fuckin’ hate the fact that I can’t get rid of him. And now, having him back in my life, but having to see what I saw last night…” You trail off, shaking your head as Connie gives you a sympathetic look.

“Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry.” You smile a bit when Connie reaches a hand over to grab one of yours. “That’s real tough. I had no idea you two were that close.”

“I tried not to make it obvious,” you confess with a curt chuckle.

“Well… that explains a lot of the reason why Steve kept sensin’ tension.” Connie lets out a deep breath, and her eyes suddenly widen as she releases your hand. You feel alert at her change in demeanor, and you almost start to question it until she tells you herself. “Oh shit, girl, I hope you’re not a chatty drunk.”

You furrow your brow. “Why?”

Connie swallows hard. “Javi’s the one who took you home last night.”

Your heart practically leaps into your throat upon hearing her words. Javi? you ask yourself. But I thought he was with the woman. Why wouldn’t he have brought her home? “Really?”

Connie nods. “Steve asked him to, because we thought out of the three of us, he’d know the best way to take care of you. But if you got drunk because of him, and then you were talkin’ when you were with him and let it slip, I…” Connie trails off, and she doesn’t have to say anything else. Your fears are now laid out on the table.

“Fuck,” you curse, gripping your hair in your hands as you lean your elbows against the counter. “Oh my fuck, Connie, what if I said some dumb shit? We just came to a kind of truce and made it through the week, and what if I messed it up?”

“I’m sure it’s fine, sweetheart. We’re probably just stressin’ for no reason. You seemed pretty far gone when you left me.”

You shake your head, knowing all the frustrations that lay deep within your chest and would gladly jump out at Javier if you had the chance or the confidence. You don’t get drunk often—at all—but you do know that your confidence while drunk skyrockets, which means you might’ve actually had the balls to say something potentially damaging to Javier.

Before you have a chance to respond to her words of comfort, a knocking suddenly sounds at the front door. Connie excuses herself as she disappears into the hallway, and you listen as she pauses to look through the peephole and then unlocks the door. The voice that reverberates off the walls hits you directly in your chest, and you soon find yourself practically stumbling out of your chair as you dare to approach them.

“… seen her?” you pick up part of Javier’s extremely panicked words. “She’s not in her apartment, and I know that in her state, she wouldn’t have been able to get far—.” Javier stops when he looks beyond Connie to see you as you finally pop into the hallway. You try to still your heart as it thuds against your chest upon seeing his expression of pure worry—for you. He’s still in an outfit he would typically wear to work, and you would wonder if he ever wore anything else at all if you weren’t so wrapped up in the fact that he’s pursuing you. “Bella,” Javier finally breaks the tense silence, his voice sounding like a gasp of relief. “I… you scared me, there.”

“Sorry,” you manage to say meekly in response. “Don’t worry, I’m okay.”

Another silence persists, and this time it’s only broken by Connie as she clears her throat and gestures back towards the kitchen. “Do you want to come in for a drink or something, Javi? Steve’s out right now, but he should be back soon.”

You never break your gaze with Javier, trying to convince him to come in so you can clear your conscience about the night before with him. But all you see in his gaze is a flash of further fear, regret, and pain, and you know he’s not going to stay. On top of that, you know you must’ve said something utterly terrible to him last night, because the only other time you’ve seen his eyes flash like that is when you told him you never wanted to see him again. “I’m alright,” Javier finally dismisses Connie’s offer in his usual gruff voice. “I’ve got some errands to run. But thanks, anyway.” Connie nods, and Javier gives you a curt nod as well. “I’m glad you’re okay, bella.” With that, he turns away to leave.

Before he can go too far, you hurry over to the door, stepping outside to call to Javier where he’s descending the stairs. “Javi!” you exclaim, and he turns around quickly to face you. Your stomach sinks at the way his gaze practically begs you to let him go. “Thank you. For taking care of me last night.”

Javier simply gives you another nod, turning back around to finish going down the stairs. You try to swallow the lump in your throat as you retreat into Connie’s apartment, practically falling against the counter dramatically when you get there. Connie follows you with a grimace.

“Shit!” you curse angrily, feeling Connie place a comforting hand on your shoulder. You meet her gaze to find her sympathy, and you let out a heavy sigh as you shake your head at her. “I know I said something bad. I could see it written all over him.” You bite your lip, not wanting to dwell on the dark thought you’re conceiving of but having to face the reality of it. “If I didn’t ruin things all those years ago, then I definitely managed to do it, now—after only a week.”

Connie shakes her head as she invites you to sit back down, instead changing the subject as she tries her best to get your mind off things. But it’s too late—you’re already sinking into the black hole you’ve created for yourself. You’d broken things before you even had a chance to fix them, and that’s something you’re not sure you can ever forgive yourself for.

Later that night, you’re going onto your countless hour of despaired solitude, only able to sit on your couch and stare endlessly into the television screen as your mind continues to torment you. You’re still not sure what you said to Javier that made him feel so hurt and afraid. There are too many possibilities, and you don’t want to start considering which one you went for. Each one you manage to think of brings a sharp pain to your chest, so you decide to keep burying them deep inside and hope that he’s just gotten upset over something trivial.

Your thinking’s interrupted by the sound of clattering coming from the hallway. Immediately, you reach for the remote and turn off the television, freezing in place as you tune your ears into whatever could be going down. When you hear more chaos, you practically leap off the couch and hurry to your peephole, looking through to see if you can get a view of what’s going on. Your stomach twists into terrible knots when you finally observe the scene. All it takes is seeing an unfamiliar woman walk through the door of Javier’s apartment for you to understand what’s happening—and hope you don’t have to hear it, like Steve once said you might.

But you don’t even have to hear anything for the memories to start back up like clockwork, ticking to the sounds of the flashback you can never get out of your head.

“Are you sure you’re alright with this?”

You shake your head, closing your eyes as you lean your back against the door. You’re trying to shake it from your head, but you can’t—especially as you further picture what could be happening right down the hall.

“I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life, cariño.”

I should’ve said no, you lament to yourself. I should’ve fucking said no. You manage to make it over to your couch again, resting your elbows on your knees as you let your face fall into your hands. Your heart is screaming at you to remember anything, literally fucking anything, other than what your mind’s choosing to right now, but it’s got a chokehold on you. Now that you’re aware of what Javier’s up to, you can only picture that moment when you were in the same position.

“You’re doing amazing, bella. Fuck—you’re doing so good.”

You can hear his voice so clearly in your head. Still trying to be mindful of the migraine that’d radiated through your head for most of the day but needing to force something out of it, you take your hair in your fists and give it a firm tug.

“Eres mi princesa, bella—siempre. Good girl—God, you’re so beautiful. You always have been.”

They were lies! you want to scream aloud. They were all fucking lies! The way he’d comforted you, made you feel so special, and even murmured a forever—it was all bullshit. You know he’s probably saying the same exact things to the woman you’ve just seen.

“Javi… cariño… I—fuck—I—.”

“Shhh, I know, bella. I know, mi amor.”

Thank God he hadn’t let you say it. But having the audacity to follow it up with those promising words of mi amor makes you want to punch the wall. Upon hearing that for the first time, you truly thought everything was going to change—and instead, you’re here many years later, knowing he’s calling a stranger the same thing just a few feet away down the hall.

The voices have just started to fade into the feeling of your skin burning underneath his tender touch when another commotion outside your door interrupts you. Thankful for the distraction from your torment, you hop up from the couch and head for the peephole—already hearing a female yelling something in Spanish. Sure enough, when you look outside, you see the same woman from before storming out of Javier’s apartment and heading for the door to the outside. You raise an eyebrow, wondering how such a sudden turnaround could’ve happened.

You release a breath you never realized you were holding, glad that the memory’s starting to fade away as you head for the couch again. You stop, however, when you hear a hesitant knocking at your door. A pit forms in your stomach, and you turn around slowly to face the door yet again. You’re pretty certain of who’s standing there, and you’re not sure you’re ready to face them after the chaos they just unleashed on your mind. As soon as you open the door, however, you’re at their mercy—feeling your heart sink at the sight of their dark gaze brimming with unshed tears.

“Cariño,” you whisper, resting a gentle hand on his shoulder. You attempt to push past the fact that half his shirt’s unbuttoned, his lips are more swollen than usual, and his hair’s in quite a disarray, solely wanting to make him feel at ease. “What’s wrong?”

Javier shakes his head, biting his lip to keep himself from releasing the tears that still fill his eyes. You let out a soft breath and gesture towards the couch, seeing him head towards it with relief as you close the door behind him. You sit beside him gingerly, your gaze never leaving him. He’s leaning his elbows on his knees as his clasped hands rest over his mouth, his eyes looking endlessly into your coffee table. No matter how painful your latest memories of him have been, or how afraid you are of whatever you said to him last night, it absolutely devastates you to see him like this—so you let your hand fall on his back as your thumb rubs soothing circles over it.

“How can I help you, Javi?”

Javier blinks once, his gaze never moving as he finally rests his hands below his chin and offers an answer. “You can’t.” His gruff voice is broken, and the sound of it makes your heart absolutely shatter.

“Why not?” You keep your question gentle, to avoid provoking him by mistake.

“Because.” Javier pauses, taking a shaky breath before he finally looks over at you. The same fear, pain, and regret from earlier is in his gaze, and you wish you could just make it all disappear. “I don’t deserve it.”

You grimace, your hand slowly falling from his back. “Javi—.”

“I brought a woman in,” Javier cuts you off, clenching his jaw as he stares at something beyond you, “wanting to use her like I always do. To forget shit. To avoid it. But this time, fuck, all I could remember was you saying that I made you feel like a whore that one night, and I… I couldn’t help thinking, what if I make all of them feel like that? Because it seems I’ve sure as fuck made myself out to be just that.”

Your whole body goes cold, and you can barely speak around the lump in your throat as you dare to respond. “When did I say that?”

Javier’s gaze returns to yours, and you can see the horror he feels upon hearing your words. “Last night,” he breathes. “You don’t remember that?”

You shake your head. “I don’t remember anything after dancing at the bar, Javi.”

Javier looks away from you. “Fuck,” he curses to himself. “Fuck.”

You start to panic, realizing that this is the thing you’ve been dreading all day. “Look, Javi, I was drunk, and you know I don’t get drunk often. I probably didn’t even know what I was saying.”

“That was some pretty deep bullshit to have made up on the spot, bella.” Javier’s gaze snaps back to you, and those same three emotions are present in his eyes. “You don’t need to lie to me. I heard all your pain myself.” Upon saying that, you see his eyes widen slightly, and he stands up from the couch in a rush. You rise after him, watching as he rubs his hands on his thighs nervously and looks towards the door. “I don’t know why I came, I—I shouldn’t have come.” He looks at you quickly, averting your gaze as he gives you a nod. “Sorry.” Javier then takes off for your door, leaving you in a daze as you try to follow him.

“Wait, cariño!” you exclaim, trying to keep him from fleeing. He’s fast, however, and you only have time to get to your door when you see him walking back into his apartment and no doubt locking the door behind him. “Shit.” You slam your door closed and rest your forehead against it, closing your eyes and chewing your lip as you try to bury the sudden pain and confusion that’s rushed on like a wave.

You’re confident that you’ve managed to ruin your attempt at a second chance with Javier before you could even try to start it—and, in the process, contributed to the further damaging of his self-image. So much for leaving the shitshow in Texas.

chapter 6

translations:

Eres mi princesa, bella—siempre = You’re my princess, beautiful, forever

tags: @tarrevizslas @none-of-your-bullshit @lavenderl3mons @gooddaykate @flower-petal-blooming @stilllivindue2spite @mrsparknuts @fionnthebandersnacc @pisss-offf-ghostt @gaydreamland @longitud-de-onda @literallytrashhhhhh @kkgraham @arrowswithwifi @rage-isaquietthing @awesomefandomsunited @theforceofdarkandlight @murdermewithbooks @blushingwueen @rachelloveseveryone @madadlorian @ah-callie @mrsdaamneron @lokiaddicted @arcadianempress @benakenalove @wickedfrsgrl @pascalisperfect @absurdthirst @weirdowithnobeardo @lcandothisallday @sailorflowermoon @engineeredfiction @souls-rain @kaylaylaylayla @cailoleaf @unintentionalwriter @earthtokace @starwarsiscooliguess @xxlovingfandomsxx @theindiealto @mikahid @hiscyarika @burningsoulbloodyheart @youhavereachedtheendofpie @synystersilenceinblacknwhite

[lawdtl]

You're gonna live forever in me

Bechloe one shot (ANGST)

Read on Ao3

Summary:

Chloe is getting married and beca has no choice but to attend.

Based on John Mayer's song 'you're gonna live forever in me'

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A great big bang and dinosaurs

Fiery raining meteors

It all ends unfortunately

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It was on a wednesday evening when she sees an elegant envelope sitting inside her mailbox, a wedding invitation.

She swallows nothing but air and it does nothing to her dry throat, she sees the names on the letter and it almost makes her fall to the floor, feeling as if the world decided to stop spinning and a part of her wants it to

maybe if it stops spinning then maybe i get to rewind everything back to where it began

It's her fault, that's what beca repeats to herself, that maybe if she had the courage to actually acknowledge everything she felt before then this isn't how her evening would be going, that maybe she doesn't have to attend a wedding she knows she doesn't want to see

But then again, it's Chloe's. It rattles her spine and it leaves her heart wounded seeing the names chloe and chicago side by side, asking her if she could come to their special day

I couldn't, but you would never forgive me if i didn't go.

Of course she's going to attend, of course it will hurt her to see chloe and remember their times together but she'll be there even so, even just to give her a smile when she walks down the aisle

But she isn't walking up to me.

Maybe it's for the best,

Maybe this will allow me to finally move on

It's been almost four years since they've been apart from that new york apartment. Starting new lives once again, but those few years in that little place were the memories  she could never let go of and it keeps her awake at night, wondering if chloe cherishes those times as much as she does

Some people told her that maybe it wasn't meant to be, some say maybe someday they'll find their chance at love but it never came so she guesses she lands on the wasn't meant to be option

Of all the people in the world she had to fall for chloe, actually no, why did she have to fall in the first place anyway

Love's a bitch. It wasn't something that came so easily for beca, it was a foreign feeling that made her feel scared, love never welcomed her with open arms, that is until chloe showed up in her life

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But you're gonna live forever in me

I guarantee, just wait and see

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Chloe taught her how to be happier, to live in the moment, to be unapologetically her. Chloe had managed to break down the walls she built up ever since she felt the sting of pain brought by other people to her and at first she hated it, thinking how one person can suddenly change how she lived

That's chloe beale for you

It was what she deeply needed though, someone in her life to make her feel okay, and chloe did that, made her feel more than okay. Chloe made her feel so special, even in the slightest of things she had beca wrapped up tight on her fingers.

From the start you already had me falling

She valued chloe, valued all her opinions, all her advice, anything that chloe told her, beca has memorized them all. She holds it deeply in her heart the way Chloe manages to tell her how her music is perfect but still not afraid to let her know when it needs a little change here and there

You always knew what to say when i need you the most

All those years, constantly falling but never landing, why?

The question irritates her, why wasn't she able to tell chloe that she loved her, that she loves her. Why did she let her go without letting chloe know how much she meant to her. Why was she such a coward?

The months pass quickly for beca, she has a busy life that keeps her on the ground, letting her mind stay sane in the midst of chaos, she's thankful she loves her work, being tired because of it doesn't take a toll on her as much she thinks it should

Amy messages her a week before Chloe's wedding, asking her if she's okay, constantly reminding beca that the bellas are going to be there for her too and she wonders, asking amy why does she need to be taken care of on an event that doesn't really involve her and amy replies "beca, it's okay. we know and we're here" a line that wasn't supposed to feel like a knife but it still cut her deep

She hates herself sometimes for losing in touch with the bellas, they promised each other that nothing would change but she realized in the long run that promises were only a thing people made to keep themselves from breaking when there's an unstable moment ahead

"I promise chlo, I'll call every week"

The thing about change is that you can never stop it and most of the time, you shouldn't. Beca changed, constantly and it makes her feel good since that change let's her grow but it also makes her eyes feel heavy because chloe had a big part on that change

You made sure that i was on my way to be the best version of me before anything else

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Parts of me were made by you

And planets keep their distance too

The moon's got a grip on the sea

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No matter how many twist and turns her story gets, chloe will always be a part of it all because she never would've reached her life today without chloe beale telling her to go ahead and reach for it

She stands in front of her mirror at the hotel she's staying at, all dressed up for a wedding she feels weak to attend to, her mind constantly debating if this is something she'll allow herself to go through, the knock on the door wakes her up from her thoughts, she looks through the peephole to prepare herself on the intrution

I need air, alcohol and a little more time

Amy automatically gives her a hug once she opens the door for her, asking her once again if she is okay and ready for the day ahead "as ready as I'll ever be"

A couple more minutes and three more bellas reached her hotel room. Emily, stacie and cynthia rose, all giving her a sad smile. Beca hates it, sure this day sucks for her but this is the first time she's seeing these people after a long time and she doesn't need their pity.

Beca tells them she's okay, repeatedly so because the first few times didn't really make a lasting impression but once they've let her be, things started to feel normal, as normal as things can get for them again

They reach the wedding venue and she sees a couple more familiar faces, waving hi to the former bellas then her breathing becomes shaky again and when she feels stacie's hands on her back, guiding them to their seat, a sense of belonging she thought she lost made its way back to her and it comforts her

Maybe I should've gone to her before the wedding to make things less awkward

While seated on the pews, amy and stacie kept her busy as they asked how her life has been, the so called fame and etcetera, she answers them all with pure honesty but with quickness as well. She stops them for a second when she asks them if she should go and see chloe but even before they can let a word out the music starts

Timing's a bitch

She only recognizes flo and jessica from the entourage, a painful reminder that she and chloe have definitely gone their separate lives now. She sees chicago walking up the to the front and her blood starts to boil, and if the music were stopped maybe people can hear how her heart starts to break into millions of pieces

She sees Aubrey next, so make it three people. She figures she's the maid of honor since she's walking alone and when she looks at the door there's no one left behind to follow and like a bandaid being pulled she sees a white gown, red hair, and a familiar set of eyes that makes her heart beat faster

––––––––––––––––––––––————

And you're gonna live forever in me

I guarantee, it's your destiny

––––––––––––––––––––––————

The look that chloe gave her made her crumble, it was like returning to a favorite chapter from an old book that she kept ages ago. Beca knows that look, it was the look that  she knows chloe gave to her only, a warm smile with eyes telling more than a thousand stories

I don't think i can take any more of this

Beca feels her body shutting down and when she hears "speak now or forever hold your peace" her mind goes to places, millions of sentences filling it, her heart asking her to stand up and to profess her undying love for chloe, to tell the whole world how she was a coward then but she's ready to give in now

She wants to stand and to shout how much chloe means to her and that even though they've been lost from each other the past few years there was never a day chloe left her mind but instead, she chooses the poet's choice, the choice to sit down, the choice of memories instead of what may be because Chloe's happy, she sees it in her smile and it hurts her because it makes her happy that chloe is happy, just not with her

She's been at the reception for an hour now and she's catched up with the bellas, she had a talk with aubrey, it surprisingly went well, she avoided chloe in numerous occasions, and now she's looking at her watch, thinking that maybe it's time to go

This is much better, this way we don't have to say things that we don't mean and by we, i mean me

Beca says her goodbye, she calls her driver to pick her up and he tells her that he'll arrive in a couple of minutes so she goes to the garden at the back of the reception venue, wanting to breathe fresh air and to feel something other than constant hurt

She looks around and sees she is alone so she lets out a loud sigh that she's been holding back for hours and breathes in all the air she can "how do i let you go chlo?" she let's the thought out, surprised it was said aloud but what surprises her more was the voice from someone behind her

"Beca?"

The ground below her feels like ice, it's solid and slippery and if she moves a little, she'll fall and hurt herself, it freezes her.

––––––––––––––––––––––————

Life is full of sweet mistakes

And love's an honest one to make

Time leaves no fruit on the tree

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"Beca, What do you mean?"

beca's forming words in her head that sound ridiculous now, somewhere from admitting the truth and complimenting Chloe's choice of flowers for the wedding

"Oh uhm hey, i didn't see you..i just...just getting some air.. congratulations by the way, everything was lovely'

Is it possible to burn from words, or to burn from lying? Beca thinks to herself, thinks that maybe she should just run now and never look back

"Thank you and thank you for coming..i know how busy you are these days"

Beca grins at the answer, immediately imagining herself answering "do you though?"

"Of course, wouldn't miss it for the world chlo. Anyway i uhm, i'm leaving.. I'm just waiting for my driver so uhm thanks..for having me"

"You're leaving?, Already?"

There's that pull chloe has on her, the sadness in her voice that beca feels the need to be alerted to

"Yeah i have an early flight tomorrow"

"You were gonna leave without saying goodbye? You've been avoiding me the whole night"

"Well I'm saying goodbye now, and in my defense you're pretty busy so i didn't want to disturb you"

"Stop it, stop making excuses beca"

––––––––––––––––––––––————

But you're gonna live forever in me

I guarantee, it's just meant to be

––––––––––––––––––––––————

This is it, the moment she's been avoiding, the moment where Chloe's hold on her tightens and at the same time will be forced to let go

"I don't know what you mean chloe, i guess...i just didn't know what to say, I can't exactly come up to you and say hey right? Our relationship never worked that way, i never worked that way"

"What is our relationship?"

"What was"

"Okay then, what was our relationship?"

"God chloe! I...i don't know, you tell me"

"This could've been ours, you know"

"What are you saying?"

"Just a minute ago you were asking, how to let me go, I've asked myself that question about you for so many times but i never got the answer"

It all feel surreal right now, beca feels relief that they're finally talking but talking will lead to an end, and she's not sure if she's prepared for that right now

"It clearly looks you found the answer to that question"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"We're here on your wedding day, chloe! That's what it means"

"You don't know how much pain i went through getting over...this"

"At least you're over it, while I'm still hanging"

"Beca you left, you moved on with your life, i tried to stay close with you but i felt you slowly wanting to go away, what did you expect me to do!?"

"Because what was the point chlo? What could we have done to make this work?"

"Everything beca. I would've done everything"

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And when the pastor asks the pews

For reasons he can't marry you

I'll keep my word and my seat

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Heavy. Draining. Painful. Just a few words on top of beca's head that describes everything right now and the voice in her head mocks her, reminding her that she could've avoided this if she just didn't go or maybe if she could've just said how she felt before but she's here now and it's time to be honest. It's time to let go

"I was scared. It means nothing now but i want to leave you today knowing that you know how i really felt, how i love you, how ever since that day on that stupid fair you are the one who kept me going, our memories in new york, our days as bellas, i will always hold them near me, i always ask myself how do i move on and i think in this moment I'm finally going to be able to do it, because seeing you happy with him, it hurts but if you're happy then I'm happy...just..just tell me, how. How do i stop loving you?"

"Beca, i never stopped loving you...but as time passed the kind of love i had for you changed, the day i realized that, it hurt me, because it ultimately meant losing you and that scared me but it was there and there was no more point of delaying what was inevitable"

"I'm sorry. for being a coward"

"I know, but in a sense, i guess we both were"

"Does he make you happy?"

"He does. He really does"

"Then I'm happy. I'm happy for you Chloe...maybe someday I'll get to love again too"

"I know you will, who wouldn't want to be in love with you"

"So i guess this is it"

"Thank you beca"

"Thank you chlo, for everything"

She gets in the car that just arrived after their hug at the garden, the hug that lingers right now through her body, the hug that will last her a lifetime. Beca looks through the window and sees chloe one last time, and beca feels like smiling, no more were the feelings of scared and sadness, they've all been replaced with hope and relief. It's time for that change. She lets out a sigh, a less troubled one unlike before.

"goodbye chloe"

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But you're gonna live forever in me

I guarantee, just wait and see

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[imlostinsantacarla]

How will the Cullens ( bella not included) if Esme died and Carlise found a new mate ?

this ask literally broke my heart and i cried when writing this out. but thanks for requesting! i just want to say i wouldn’t have been able to make this as good as it is without having a really amazing beta reader who is: @roslaeahle  thank you once again for reading through another piece and correcting things that needed to be corrected as well as for suggesting things i should add in, you’re a star! - admin kat 🌙❣

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The Cullen’s reactions to Esme dying and Carlisle finding a new mate:

Edward: I can only imagine how excruciatingly painful it would be for Edward, since he did know her for the longest time compared to the other adopted kids of the couple. It’s going to take an immense toll on him at first, especially since he reads everyone’s minds all the time, and gets bombarded by everyone’s grief as well as his own. It’s so heartbreaking because he sees Esme’s face not only in his own mind but in the minds of his family. It kills him. I think he’ll be a lot more open minded because he has so much respect for Carlisle and just wants his father to be happy. He’s going to appear super guarded to begin with, because getting close to people as we’ve seen can be a challenge for him. He’s also got a streak for sarcasm so it can be hard for him to be polite at first, especially when he’s reading everyone’s minds; but with a stern look from Carlisle in conjunction with having read his mind, he really knows how much Carlisle’s new mate means to him; human or not. He also will find out that Carlisle almost doesn’t seem to have a choice in finding a new mate, it happened: the pull of his true mate caught him. He reads the mind of Carlisle’s s/o and that’s when he starts to really give them a chance. I want to clarify that there’s no way anyone could replace what Esme was for Edward and he knows Carlisle’s mate isn’t trying to fill that space, so they’ll find a comfortable place to settle at first and the relationship will develop into whatever it needs to be. Also, Edward won’t hold back on retaliating against Rosalie’s views, it happened in the books when he brought Bella into the family, so he feels attached and like he needs to stand up for Carlisle’s s/o.

Rosalie: Destroyed isn’t a strong enough word to describe how Rosalie would be after Esme’s passing. This would leave Rosalie even more cold and distraught. I truly do believe that Esme gave Rosalie the love and nurturing that she both needed and deserved during her newborn years and all the years after; that’s something that Rosalie can’t forget. It’s going to be exceptionally tough on her since Esme stabilized her a lot. Rosalie will be stonier than she used to be, just like Leah. She will find it intolerable that Carlisle could ‘move on’ and find someone else to replace Esme with. She’s going to cause a lot of arguments because she’s hurt and Carlisle will have nothing but compassion for her, which will make her even angrier. She’ll rant about how he’s trying to replace their mother when everyone knows it’s not the case; Carlisle has just found his true mate, unfortunately it wasn’t Esme. We all know that Rosalie is sensitive and complex, but she is also vain, so she’s going to make this about herself a lot which will make Edward and Alice so angry. This is where a lot of their arguments start, but Carlisle’s extra understanding with her and doesn’t expect her to even accept his mate, because he knows how much Esme’s passing has affected Rosalie. I think with a lot of time and talks with Emmett, she’ll slowly but surely come around. She won’t be very close with her father’s mate for some time, but one day they’ll say something and Rosalie can’t help but smile her radiant smile and it’s like the sun has found the blue sky once again. She calms down at the idea of Carlisle moving forward, but she won’t make a huge effort. Eventually things smooth out and she can tolerate his new mate.

Emmett: It surely will hit him like a bombshell. Emmett adored Esme to pieces, she was an important part of his life, especially when it came to getting him to back down from extremely reckless decisions. Esme was a substantial rock for Emmett, but true to his adaptable nature, Emmett isn’t one to let things hold him down for very long. He’s going to be the most accepting and inquisitive of Carlisle’s new mate; he enjoys nothing more than testing boundaries and teasing new people who come into their close family circle. It’ll be almost immediately that he’ll accept them into the family which will be refreshing for Carlisle’s mate to receive because so far they’ve only been met with stubbornness, hostility and an acerbic venom. Emmett and them would become close, like best friends, but nothing like Esme and him were: the new member of the family and him will be more than okay with that. Though after a while they’ll morph into a parent role for him, and it’ll almost be like they’d been there all along. He’ll be diffusing a lot of tension between his siblings and be respectful of Rosalie when she wants nothing to do with the new mate. He’s understanding and intuitive, he’s also respectful of people’s boundaries and knows everyone needs to decompress in their own time. He just doesn’t see a problem in moving on like Esme would want them to.

Alice: Similar to Emmett, Alice will bounce back much faster than her siblings, because she will be capable of seeing how Carlisles’ new partner will mend the family and slowly but surely bring them all back together, just as Esme would want. Alice was very close to Esme, as her mother understood her better than anyone else and accepted her, despite all the craziness. It’s a given that Alice will defend Carlisle and his new mate’s honor in the sense that this is what Esme would have wanted for Carlisle from the beginning; no one can go up against her visions. They can bet and disbelieve all they’d like, but it will not change the fact that eventually, if all goes to plan, it’ll come to fruition. And when Alice first meets Carlisle’s mate she’s utterly blown away and flooded with so many wonderful visions that she’s vibrating excitedly on the spot. She can’t seem to calm down. She’s welcoming just like she was with Bella because she trusts her visions and knows that Carlisle can’t fight the pull of a true mate, and that’s what they are, his true mate. She begins to gush about the beautiful connection Carlisle and his mate have, which kinda makes them think she’s a little nuts and everyone else is laughing it off while also telling her to shut up, but Alice can’t be proven wrong. Alice and them will get along just as well as her and Esme did, but with the lack of history.

Jasper: It’s already known that Jasper is standoffish as is, but adding into the mix a lost parent… it might well just make him go mad. The worst part of it all is that he doesn’t just feel his own emotions, he feels an immense pressure of sadness, anger, grief, loss, etc. all on his shoulders from his father and siblings. It wears him down. So I feel that Jasper will take the loss of Esme even harder as well as accepting a new member of the coven in, because of all the emotions that are zooming left and right around him. It’s important to recognize that Esme was always so inviting and loving towards Jasper, she accepted him for his monstrous and unforgivable past and loved him in each present moment. She lifted him up when he struggled. What he misses the most is her encouragement and soft embraces when things were especially tough with his thirst and his new diet. So, meeting Carlisle’s new mate will be difficult for him. He would take on the essence of a statue, staring at them and reading their every emotion; maybe even trying to make them uncomfortable and frightened. Because he’s angry. He only went along to meet them because Alice begged him and promised him something magical would happen. And as he focuses on that, something spectacular happens over time… there’s a pull of utter love that Esme always felt for everyone and everything on the planet radiating off of the new mate and Carlisle, slowly interweaving into everyone else. A cycle of love, just like Esme. It almost moves him to tears and Alice needs to excuse them for him to get a break from it because it’s so sudden and far too much for him to take all at once. Taken aback is something he scarcely ever is.

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again, i would like to credit my beta reader for this piece: @roslaeahle 💕

»»————-　♡　————-««

please like, reblog and follow for more!

[tabloidtoc]

Us, November 2

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Valerie Bertinelli’s untold story -- secrets of her marriage to Eddie Van Halen 

Page 1: First Look -- Julianne Hough strolling in Los Angeles 

Page 2: Red Carpet -- Joey King 

Page 4: Who Wore It Best? Rainey Qualley vs. Suki Waterhouse, Jeannie Mai vs. Hannah Ann Sluss 

Page 6: Loose Talk -- Armie Hammer on his decision to work in construction during quarantine, Khloe Kardashian poking fun at her transformation, Gwyneth Paltrow on her onscreen makeouts with Avengers costar Robert Downey Jr., Miley Cyrus on how her godmother Dolly Parton still uses fax machines, Patrick Dempsey on how Grey’s Anatomy prepared him for the pandemic 

Page 8: Contents 

Page 10: Hot Pics -- Queen Elizabeth made her first royal engagement since the start of the pandemic at the Defence Science and Technology Laboratory with grandson Prince William, Duchess Kate visited the Institute of Reproductive and Developmental Biology in London 

Page 12: Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez head out for a date night in West Hollywood, Robert Pattinson and Zoe Kravitz get into character as Bruce Wayne and Selina Kyle on the set of The Batman in Liverpool, Rob Lowe at the beach in Santa Barbara, pregnant Jessica Hart and boyfriend James Kirkham on their babymoon in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico 

Page 14: Heidi Pratt and Spencer Pratt visit a pumpkin patch with their son Gunner, Tan France, Taryn Manning with Gita the personal motorized robot 

Page 17: Billboard Music Awards -- Sia, Post Malone, Kelly Clarkson, Lil Nas X, Lizzo, Billie Eilish 

Page 18: Back to Nature -- celebs ditch the city for the great outdoors -- Naomi Watts paddles through placid waters in Canada, Lady Gaga goes rockclimbing, Nina Dobrev reading Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now Journal

Page 19: Florence Pugh taking a hike with her dog, James Van Der Beek and wife Kimberly with their five kids visit the Grand Canyon 

Page 20: In the Zone -- stars show their team spirit -- Florida native Kelley Flanagan who is a Dolphins fan and boyfriend Peter Weber who is a Seahawks fan in Miami, Seattle Seahawks quarterback Russell Wilson has his own group of cheerleaders from home in wife Ciara and stepson Future and kids Sienna and Win, Houston Texan Jonathan Owen’s biggest fan is girlfriend Simone Biles in Houston, Danny Trejo and his furry crew of dogs watch his favorite team the Los Angeles Rams beat the Dallas Cowboys 

Page 23: Stars They’re Just Like Us -- Charles Barkley gets a temperature check, Molly Shannon rides a bike, Jaimie Alexander rides the train, Vinny Guadagnino dines out 

Page 24: Love Lives -- John Cena and Shay Shariatzadeh are married 

Page 25: Kendall Jenner and Devin Booker have been together five months but they are just having fun, Kristin Cavallari moving on with Jeff Dye 

Page 26: Hot Hollywood -- Kim Kardashian West is looking forward to her 40s and feels ready to take on the world 

Page 27: Ex-royal Meghan Markle is sporting a seriously expensive and daring  look in a new photo with Prince Harry -- in the back-and-white shot taken in celebration of their special edition of Time100 Talks Meghan wore a $382,300 ensemble featuring a $2800 Alexander McQueen suit that she accessorized with a $23,000 Cartier watch that was once owned by Princess Diana and a $6500 Cartier love bracelet and her $350,000 engagement ring while Harry kept it casual in a dapper suit without a tie, for nearly two decades Simon Newton was a bodyguard for big stars like Michael Jackson and Bella Hadid and Kendall Jenner but now he’s making a career change because working with all those people has inspired him to become an actor and he’s already got parts in two movie roles next year 

Page 28: A Day in the Life -- Erin Andrews 

Page 30: Cover Story -- Valerie Bertinelli -- I’m a survivor -- as she mourns the loss of her late ex-husband Eddie Van Halen the beloved star is reflecting on the highs and lows of her storied life 

Page 34: Jessica Alba’s fit philosophy -- find out Jessica’s tips for looking and feeling amazing 

Page 36: The Affair -- what really happened between Dominic West and Lily James and whether or not the actor’s wife has forgiven him 

Page 40: Entertainment 

Page 46: Fashion Police -- Tyler the Creator, Sarah Jessica Parker, Natalia Vodianova 

Page 47: Alicia Vikander, Alan Bersten, Ashley Roberts 

Page 48: 25 Things You Don’t Know About Me -- Emma Kenney 

[mytwilightimagines13]

Size doesn’t matter, buddy (Felix Volturi) part 6

Word count: 1262

Alice and you watched Bella push her way through the crowds while the two of you ran through the shadows, climbed over the buildings and over walls. You kept a close eye towards Bella while Alice kept a close eye to the future, making sure the two of you wouldn’t get too close towards Edward for him to read your minds. The clock tolled, and Alice and you froze on the spot in the shadows, watching Bella run towards Edward. "Edward, no!" Bella screamed, but her voice was lost in the roar of the chime. "No!" Bella screamed again. "Edward, look at me!" He wasn't listening. He smiled very slightly. He raised his foot to take the step that would put him directly in the path of the sun. Bella slammed into him so hard that the force would have hurled her to the ground if his arms hadn't caught her and held her up. His dark eyes opened slowly as the clock tolled again. He looked down at her with quiet surprise. "Amazing," he said, his exquisite voice full of wonder, slightly amused. "Carlisle was right." "Edward," Bella tried to gasp, but her voice had no sound. "You've got to get back into the shadows. You have to move!" He seemed bemused. His hand brushed softly against her cheek. He didn't appear to notice that she was trying to force him back. The clock tolled, but he didn't react. "I can't believe how quick it was. I didn't feel a thing! They're very good," he mused, closing his eyes again and pressing his lips against Bella’s hair. You rolled your eyes, wanting to punch him square in the face. "Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, hath had no power yet upon thy beauty," he murmured, and you recognized the line spoken by Romeo in the tomb. You groaned and rolled your eyes. “Seriously?” you muttered earning you a small giggle from Alice. The clock boomed out its final chime "You smell just exactly the same as always," he went on. "So maybe this is hell. I don't care. I'll take it." "I'm not dead," Bella interrupted. "And neither are you! Please Edward, we have to move. They can't be far away!" she struggled in his arms, and his brow furrowed in confusion. "What was that?" he asked politely. "We're not dead, not yet! But we have to get out of here before the Volturi-" Comprehension flickered on his face as Bella spoke. Before she could finish, he suddenly yanked her away from the edge of the shadows, spinning her effortlessly so that her back was tight against the brick wall, and his back was to her as he faced away into the alley. His arms spread wide, protectively, in front of her. “Finally… oh.” You said, your relief short lived. “I guess it is soon our que to step in.” Alice said as the two of you watched two dark shapes detach themselves from the gloom.

"Greetings, gentlemen," Edward's voice was calm and pleasant, on the surface. "I don't think I'll be requiring your services today. I would appreciate it very much, however, if you would send my thanks to your masters." "Shall we take this conversation to a more appropriate venue?" a smooth voice whispered menacingly. "I don't believe that will be necessary." Edward's voice was harder now. "I know your instructions, Felix. I haven't broken any rules." "Felix merely meant to point out the proximity of the sun," the other shadow said in a soothing tone. They were both concealed within smoky gray cloaks that reached to the ground and undulated in the wind. The wind send the two men’s scent towards the wall Alice and you were standing on. One man’s scent hit you so hard you nearly fell to your knees in delight. Alice looked at you, a concerned look in her eyes. You quickly regained yourself. “I’m fine, Alice.” You whispered. “Hmm.” She said, doubtfully before returning her attention to the encounter below you.

"Let us seek better cover." "I'll be right behind you," Edward said dryly. "Bella, why don't you go back to the square and enjoy the festival?" "No, bring the girl," the first shadow said, somehow injecting a leer into his whisper. "I don't think so." The pretence of civility disappeared. Edward's voice was flat and icy. His weight shifted infinitesimally, a sign that he was preparing to fight.

"Felix," the second, more reasonable shadow cautioned. "Not here." He turned to Edward. "Aro would simply like to speak with you again, if you have decided not to force our hand after all." "Certainly," Edward agreed. '"But the girl goes free." "I'm afraid that's not possible," the polite shadow said regretfully. "We do have rules to obey." "Then I'm afraid that I'll be unable to accept Aro's invitation, Demetri." "That's just fine," Felix purred. A small shiver went down your spine as you heard the man’s purr. Your eyes widened at your own bodies reaction. “Bloody hell.” You muttered under your breath, earning you a small chuckle from Alice. You dared to take a closer look and you could see that Felix was very big, tall and thick through the shoulders. His size reminded me of Emmett.

"Aro will be disappointed," Demetri sighed. "I'm sure he'll survive the let-down," Edward replied. Felix and Demetri stole closer toward the mouth of the alley, spreading out slightly so they could come at Edward from two sides. They meant to force him deeper into the alley, to avoid a scene. No reflected light found access to their skin; they were safe inside their cloaks. Edward didn't move an inch. He was dooming himself by protecting Bella. “I guess that is our que.” Alice whispered. You chuckled and the two of you jumped down gracefully, landing in the darkness of the winding alley. Abruptly, Edward's head whipped around towards Alice and you, and Demetri and Felix did the same, in response too.

"Let's behave ourselves, shall we?" Alice suggested. "There are ladies present." Alice tripped lightly to Edward's side, her stance casual. You gracefully walked past the two guards towards Edward’s other side, protecting Bella even further. Your scent hit Felix and he, just like you were a few moments ago, was taken back by the sensation that hit him. But he soon regained himself before anyone could truly notice.

There was no hint of any underlying tension. In any human’s eyes the two of you wouldn’t look threatening at all. Yet Demetri and Felix both straightened up, their cloaks swirling slightly as a gust of wind funnelled through the alley. Felix's face soured. Apparently, they didn't like even numbers. "We're not alone," you reminded them. Demetri glanced over his shoulder. A few yards into the square, a little family, was watching you. The mother was speaking urgently to her husband, her eyes on the six of you. She looked away when Demetri met her gaze. The man walked a few steps farther into the plaza, and tapped one of the red-blazered men on the shoulder. Demetri shook his head. "Please, Edward, let's be reasonable," he said. "Let's," Edward agreed. "And we'll leave quietly now, with no one the wiser." Demetri sighed in frustration. "At least let us discuss this more privately." Six men in red now joined the family as they watched you with anxious expressions. You could only guess how this must look in the eyes of a human. Edward's teeth came together audibly. "No." Felix smiled, his eyes mostly focused on yours.

[queencatherynerhys]

The Fighter - Chapter 7

A/N: I’ve had this published in Wattpad for a while now. I just have been too lazy to publish it here. Sorry. I just got back into being active this week when editing my Masterlist.

Summary: Will Maxon finally found out what happened to America all those years ago?

Tags: @devineinterventions2 @madaraism @theroyalweisme @drakewalkerwhipped @drakesfiance @hhiggs @hellospunkiebrewster @alicars @mrswalkerreynolds @mfackenthal @simplyaiden-blog @hopefulmoonobject @blackcatkita @cocomaxley @boneandfur @lizeboredom @crayziimaginations @umccall71 @zarina-x-zig @writtenbycandy @ranishajay @heatherfilliez @drakelover78 @indiacater @pens-girl-87 @katurrade @speedyoperarascalparty @greyeyedsmile14 @barbaravalentino @zilch3 @mynameiskaylabella @darley1101 @blznbaby @trashbagfullofflannels @bella-ca @highlyselectiveextrovert *I just used my usual tag list. Let me know if you want to be taken off if you don’t want to receive notifications about this story. Also let me know if you want to be added.*

The flashback takes a toll on my mental state. I struggle to tear myself away from it and get back to reality. James' grip on my hand becomes tighter as he sees the internal battle, I am absorbed in.

He silently communicates with me, Are you ok?

I don't know, I reply with honesty

I am right here if you need anything.

I know, I respond with my eyes.

I squeeze his hand conveying my gratitude of him being here with me. And not just on this mission and this wretched meal but being with me and supporting me over the last six years. I highly doubt I would have survived for as long as I have if not for him and it works the other way around.

Just as I was about to reminisce of the memories that James and I have shared through the past, I am interrupted by Princess Kriss asking me a question.

"How do you two do that? If you don't mind me asking?"

"I beg your pardon, Your Highness?" confused at the query.

"Oh, I apologize. How do you always seem to know what the other is communicating about just by simply looking at each other?"

Ah, only a few are lucky enough to have such a loyal friend in their lifetime just as James has been for me. Many have wondered and asked the very same question. James and I glance at each other and I converse with him briefly before answering the inquiry

Aren't you just tired of being asked the same damn questions over and over again, I say.

You have no idea.

You wanna tell her, or should I?

Why don't you take this one; I think I answered the last time.

I hide a smirk as I cut off the conversation and look back at the royal to reply.

"Well, Your Highness, that is a great question. James, my wonderful assistant, and I have known each other for six years. The ability to silently communicate with each other comes as a result of many years of knowing each other. Also, we have certainly been in countless life-and-death, and close call situations. Those experiences of having to depend on each other to survive and keeping each other alive has given us the wonderful gift of silent, unobtrusive communication."

She nods and a flash of curiosity goes over her face. She seems to be contemplating whether asking the question she now clearly has in her mind. She is relieved when the queen speaks.

"Miss Ryan, I–

"Please, Your Majesty, just address me as Scarlet. I'm not very fond of formalities," I boldly interrupt her.

"I am beginning to see why you and America were friends. She wasn't one for formalities either. I can recall the time that she called Maxon by his name instead of addressing him with his formal title during the Report in front of national tv," she amusedly recalls.

I remember that. I was so embarrassed when I caught my mistake after hearing the gasps and whispers that emitted from the crowd and the other selected.

"Scarlet," she corrects herself, "if I may be so bold to ask, what do you mean by those life-and-death, close call situations? Illéa has had a peaceful several years."

"Well, Queen Amberly, I don't mean to be forward with my answer, but you are not really naïve to think that the peace you've had over the last few years just came to be, do you?" I answer bluntly.

"It would be wise for you to check your tone, Miss Ryan," King Clarkson speaks with a reprimanding tone.

"It's alright, Clarkson. I appreciate her honesty and candid response. And no, Scarlet, I don't believe it just came to be, but we haven't heard any news about the Southerner's chaos or any kinds of attacks in a long while."

"That's a comfort to me. The Force operates in the shadows. The fact that you aren't seeing or hearing any news means we are doing our job. My agency has worked hard to minimize these barbaric attacks. I have spent the better half of my career trying to eradicate this group. I take a personal offense that there are still members wreaking havoc. But I promise this is the last time they go after you and your family." I declare with conviction.

I meant every word of my promise. I will do everything in my power to stop Griffin and his brother, Gareth, from destroying everything I have worked to protect. Even it meant dying in the end. I know this isn't going to be a simple negotiation. Either I kill them, or I die trying.

"So, how exactly have youcontributed to your agency's fight in eliminating these barbarians? I don't see someone like you, being the director which I'm assuming is the highest rank in your group, actively doing anything. I assume you push paper all day long, ordering your henchmen to perform your tasks," Maxon condescendingly says. After being quiet throughout this entire meal, he has the nerve to say such things as if he knows what I've been through.

My temper and anger threaten to retort, and I see James tense up and prepare to respond back, without a doubt with a bite, but I pull him back with a squeeze of the hand.

"On the contrary, Prince Maxon, I wasn't born into my title. I started from the bottom as a recruit just as everyone in the Force. I worked hard to get to where I am. I have sacrificed more than you will ever know to have the honors you are privy to for simply being born. And as far as what I've contributed to my agency, I have fought alongside my comrades. I have watched some killed before my very eyes. Many brave agents have laid down their lives so you can continue to sit in your chair comfortably and eat in peace," I didn't mean to be so forthright with my words, but he always had a knack to bring this side of me.

Why must we always argue with each other? How did we ever manage to fall for one another? All throughout the selection all we did was be angry and be on each other's throat, but his comment now was over the line! To assume that I merely fell into my position is outlandish and frankly, I didn't expect such a comment to come him. I would with his malicious father, but not him. What happened in the last six years that made him so cold, so spiteful?

I glare at him and he shifts his mouth into a thin white line as he scowls at me. The standoff between has caused the air to fill with an uncomfortable silence and tension. It's so distinct it's almost palpable. His actions over the past 24 hours has led me asking why I am even moving heaven and earth to protect him.

I tear my stare away from him to see Kriss shift in her seat in awkwardness. I quietly sigh as I start to feel the familiar dull of a headache. James rubs soothing circles on my hand for he knows the struggle I have put myself into.

Finally, the king breaks the icy tension and says, "Miss Ryan, when you are finished here, I need you to meet me in my office. We have matters to discuss concerning you and your agency."

No doubt he is also going to let me hear his opinions of this awful breakfast debacle. He places his table napkin on the table and gets up to leave. The lovely queen does the same and exit to head into the Women's' Room with Kriss following her, leaving Maxon, James and I on the dinner table.

The bitter prince stands up from his chair but doesn't take his leave. As the staff works on clearing the table, he addresses us.

"Mister James, may I speak Ms. Ryan in private?"

James grips my hand even tighter and looks at me with hesitation and panic so clearly written in his chiseled face. A strand of brown lock falls from his neatly kept temple and he corrects it before returning his gaze back at me.

I told you we shouldn't have come here! He's probable figured out who you are and compromised your identity!

Relax. I highly doubt that. I can handle this. Just do as he says.

Scarlet, this isn't a good idea and you know it. He scolds me with his gray eyes. I see so much concern in his orbs and I knew he had every right to be scolding me for allowing myself to be put in such a compromising situation, but I just can't help myself when it came to Maxon. When it came to him, I lose all sense of control, conceding to the whims and desires of America.

James gives my hand a reassuring grip before letting go and getting up to leave. He bows at the remaining royal before heading for the grand doors. Just before walking out, he gives me one last look to tell me to be careful.

Always, I blink.

As I move my head to concentrate on the only other person in the room, I see him seat down on the chair directly in front of me. He carries an imposing aura, one I would normally associate to the likes of his father, but not him. Where has my lovely prince gone?

As he observes me, I watch his eyes for any sign of detecting my true identity and so far, have come up empty. All I see is pain and anger in them. I would know it from anywhere for it's what my eyes held for many years.

My heart thumps wildly at being so close to him and I yearn to have him touch me and love me once more. I long to hear my name roll off his beautiful lips. At this moment, I struggle to remember who I am. My past and present battling for control and the ache in my head only grows. I hear the loud beating of my heart in my ears and it takes me a second to register that he has spoken.

"I apologize, Amer –..."

[flamourific-blog]

In Defense Of Bella Swan

Bella Swan gets a lot of flack for...well, everything. She’s been called insipid, pathetic, a victim, a feminist’s nightmare. In many circles, she has become a by word for “weak, useless person.” It’s true that Bella is often pushed around by the men in her life. But why do we blame Bella for being pushed around and blithely ignore the men who are doing the pushing? There is a lot to admire in Bella. She’s loving and kind hearted. She’s self-sacrificing. She’s tenacious. She’s brave. But people often overlook these traits and instead choose to focus on Bella’s supposed victimhood and slavish devotion to Edward.

Yes, Bella loves Edward and would do anything for him. But, lest we forget, he’s not the only one for whom Bella is willing to put her life on the line. One of Bella’s most defining character traits is her love for her family, and she shows that love time and time again throughout the books. Edward’s first major rescue occurs not because the villain has swept away an unresisting damsel in distress but because the damsel sought out and surrendered herself to the villain in order to save her mother’s life.

This isn’t the only time Bella steps up for the sake of her family. She chews out a bunch of werewolves on behalf of her best friend Jacob, whom she sees as a brother. She faces down the Vulturi to save her daughter, and she does everything in her power to keep her father safe from the dangerous world she inhabits. Edward is not the single, all-consuming interest in Bella’s life: he’s part of her family, and she acts accordingly.

When Edward leaves her, it shatters her world. Many see this as a sure sign that Bella lacks the fortitude we expect from Strong Female Characters. They call her weak, stupid, pathetic...but here’s the thing: we would--or, rather, should--never, ever talk that way about a real woman who suffers from depression, regardless of the cause. Furthermore, what happens to Bella in the book happens to both women and men in real life all the time. It’s nothing like unheard of for people to fall into a severe depression after losing a loved one, be it to death or divorce or a simple breakup.

I myself have suffered from heartbreak twice in my life, and both instances took their toll. The first time, I was just a little older than Bella. I dropped twenty pounds in less than two weeks, and I wasn’t heavy to begin with. The second time, I had ten years on Bella in terms of experience and emotional development, and it still took me over a year to really feel like myself again.

Does that make me useless or pathetic or a poor role model for young women? It does not, and Bella’s suffering doesn’t make her any of those things, either. Mocking fictional characters and judging them for their depression only reinforces the stigma that we’re trying so hard to fight against in the real world.

If Twilight is a bad love story, it’s not because Bella is an anti-feminist pod-person worming her way into the minds of impressionable teens. The really disturbing stuff lies squarely in the court of our sparkly hero himself, Edward, who is constantly undermining Bella’s agency as a character. He’s overbearing, he’s controlling, and he’s constantly telling Bella that she’s fragile and vulnerable and his to protect, even if it means making decisions for her.

Let’s take his abandonment of Bella, which is arguably his most egregious offense. He readily admits that he knew he would have to lie to her in order to make her accept that he was leaving. He knew exactly how strong her feelings were, and he dismissed them. Rather than treat her like an equal, rather than accept her love and respect her ability to make decisions for herself, he treats her like a child. He takes away her right to choose. And, later, he has the gall to chide Bella for so readily believing that he didn’t love her when he himself is constantly telling her, not only through his actions but to her face, that she’s not strong or capable. Is it any wonder, then, that she doesn’t feel worthy of his love?  

It doesn’t stop there. Once he--grudgingly--accepts that Bella deserves to have him in her life if that’s what she wants, Edward loses no time in exerting his control over her, most notably in regard to her friendship with Jacob. Once again, Edward treats Bella like a child who needs to be protected rather than an equal partner in a romantic relationship. Which brings us to book four, in which Edward finds out Bella is pregnant and immediately begins making plans to abort the baby without consulting her. Once again, he completely ignores Bella’s right to make decisions about her body. What’s worse, he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. It never occurs to him that Bella might have an opinion that doesn’t align with his.

It’s all pretty damning. But what people often forget, or ignore, is that Bella comes out on top every time. Let’s take stock, shall we? One: Edward abandons Bella because he has never taken her feelings seriously; he winds up back at her side after she flies halfway around the world to save him from the Vulturi, even while fully expecting him to leave her again. Two: Edward doesn’t like her friendship with Jacob and goes so far as to sabotage her vehicle in order to prevent them from seeing each other; Bella goes to see Jacob anyway. Three: Edward goes over Bella’s head to arrange an abortion; Bella takes the matter back into her own hands and has the baby. Bonus: In the process, Bella becomes an immortal, something which she has repeatedly told Edward that she wants and which Edward has just as repeatedly done his best to prevent.

The biggest problem with Twilight, in my mind, is that neither Edward nor Bella ever really acknowledges Edward’s lack of respect. As a result, it’s easy for readers to see Edward’s protectiveness as a romantic quirk instead of the huge, honking character flaw that it is. Though Bella fights back and doesn’t let Edward dominate her, she never holds him accountable for his attitude. This too is a flaw, and it’s not necessarily a bad thing--perfect characters are boring, unrealistic characters, after all. But we need to recognize flaws for what they are, and with flaws such as Edward’s and Bella’s, it’s important that the characters recognize them, too.

I’m sure much of this has been said before, but if it has, it bears repeating: Bella is not the problem, and Bella-bashing is just another instance of people--men and women both--blaming women for the things that are done to them by men. It happens all the time in the real world to real women, and it’s not okay. So let’s be a little bit more discerning and a lot more fair in how we discuss fictional characters. They’re not just words on the page; they’re reflections of ourselves.

[splendidlyimperfect]

Gray hasn’t seen Natsu in years - not since he moved away with his boyfriend Joel and Natsu stopped texting him. A chance run-in at a bar brings Natsu back into Gray’s life, but the encounter puts Gray in danger when Joel finds out. Natsu quickly realizes that Gray’s stuck in a cycle of violence, and wants to help him escape. But leaving isn’t that easy, and sometimes loving someone might not be enough. 

Chapter Summary:  Gray faces a truth that he doesn't want to deal with. Sting and Natsu both try to help.

Chapters (12/22):  1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 Rating: Mature Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Natsu Dragneel/Gray Fullbuster, Gray Fullbuster/Original Male Character(s) Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rape Aftermath, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Natsu just wants to help, but Gray feels like he can’t leave, Non-Linear Narrative, Trans Character, Tumblr: FTLGBTales, ftlgbtpride2019, Coming Out, First Love, Angst with a Happy Ending, I promise

**TW for discussion of abuse/emotional reactions to abuse, suicidal thoughts

-----

being good isn’t always easy

sus·pi·cion | \ sə-ˈspi-shən noun :  a state of mental uneasiness and uncertainty

.

xi july

.

“How many times do I have to block these goddamn assholes?”

Lucy tosses her phone down on the table in the break room, and Gray peeks over to see a toll-free number flashing across the screen. He frowns, taking another bite of his sandwich and pulling his legs up under him on the chair.

“Who is it?”

“One of those stupid scams,” Lucy grumbles, pulling her hair back into a ponytail, then grabbing her coffee from the counter. “You’ve won an all-expenses paid vacation, blah, blah.” She rolls her eyes, then picks up the phone and opens up her call history. “I’ve blocked like... eight different numbers, but they keep finding new ones.”

Gray watches as she taps the number, then scrolls down and clicks ‘block.’

His stomach twists, like the floor’s disappeared from beneath him and he’s in free-fall.

“Anyway,” Lucy says, tucking her phone back in her pocket. “Are you and Joel coming to the barbecue next week?”

The words are just background noise to the sudden jumbled mess in Gray’s mind. A hundred thoughts float through his brain, and he jumps so quickly from surprise to suspicion to disbelief that it’s almost dizzying. Eventually he settles on unease.

“Graaay.” Lucy waves a hand in front of his face and he blinks, shaking his head. “Dude, you’re so out of it lately. You okay?”

“Fine,” he says automatically. “Just tired.”

Would Joel seriously... no. That’s ridiculous.

“How’s your shoulder?” Lucy asks, and Gray forces himself to focus on their conversation.

Continue reading on AO3

“Better,” he says carefully. It seems like an innocent question, but Lucy is sharp. Gray knows that she suspects something, but they’re both good at pretending.

Some days, Gray can almost convince himself that everything is fine. Natsu’s gone – they haven’t talked since that day at the beach, and Gray’s spent the last few months shoving the hurt and longing deep down where he doesn’t have to feel it.

Gray is loyal to Joel. Joel loves him. Joel takes care of him.

“You get the car fixed?” Lucy asks, swirling the dregs of her coffee before draining the cup in one long gulp. The AC rumbles in the background as it kicks into high gear – the summer has been sweltering, and Gray’s already wishing it was September.

He blinks at Lucy’s question, and she frowns at him. “The car,” she repeats. “You got rear-ended? Joel said the bumper was cracked.”

Oh, Gray thinks.

“Yeah,” he lies. “Insurance got figured out.”

The car is just fine. Nobody rear-ended them. Joel had been driving and yelling, and had slammed on the brakes hard enough to lock the seatbelt and bruise Gray’s shoulder. He’d said later that it was because he saw a cat crossing the street.

Gray wants to believe him.

Eventually, Lucy’s break is up and she heads back to the front of the restaurant. As soon as she disappears, Gray pulls his phone from his pocket. The only notification is an e-mail from the grocery store savings program, and he numbly swipes it open and deletes it.

He clicks on his contacts, then scrolls down to Natsu’s name. It’s still there under his old number, and Gray hesitates for just a second before clicking on the three little dots next to it.

773-555-3556 Unblock number

Gray stares at the phone until the words start to blur, and he realizes his hands are shaking and he’s barely breathing.

“No,” he whispers, finger hovering over the message before clicking ‘unblock.’

He quickly goes back and scrolls to Erza’s name, and part of him isn’t surprised to find the same message. He unblocks her as well, then sets his phone down on the table and covers his mouth with both hands.

“He wouldn’t,” he says to nobody. Nothing feels real. He can’t stop shaking. “H-he… no, there’s another explanation.”

There isn’t, part of his mind whispers. He wanted to keep you apart, and it worked.

-----

Over the next few weeks, Gray bounces between so many emotions that he’s left worn out and dizzy. At first, he tries to convince himself that it’s a mistake, that maybe something’s wrong with his phone. Or maybe Natsu and Erza blocked him, and somehow that showed up on his end as well.

The angry part of him knows that none of that makes sense, and desperately wants to confront Joel, to ask him why, to make the accusation and deal with the consequences.

The rest of him is terrified, and as much as Gray tries to keep it hidden, he knows he's failing miserably. Lucy’s on his case almost every day, asking why he’s not eating, or why he looks so sick all the time. He feels bad for being so short with her, but he’s too tired to lie, and he can’t tell her the truth.

“You don’t look so great.”

It’s Tuesday afternoon, so Sting is at the restaurant again. He comes in two or three times a week now and orders the same thing every time – coffee and a slice of pie. Gray’s almost certain that Natsu asked Sting to watch out for him, but Sting’s so likeable and friendly that Gray can’t find it in himself to be upset.

“Gray? You okay?” Sting’s frowning at him and Gray blinks, shaking his head.

“Yeah, it’s... I’ve just been sick,” he says. “I’m fine.” He forces himself to smile as he hands Sting his receipt and fills up his coffee.

“Rogue came down with something last week, too,” Sting says. His police radio crackles and Gray jumps at the sound, quickly trying to play the reaction off as an awkward nod while he backs away from the table.

When he comes back later, Sting is gone, his receipt and a few bills tucked under his coffee mug. Gray grabs it all, frowning when he notices something written on the paper. He quickly finishes clearing off the table, then slips into the bathroom, taking the note out and unfolding it.

If you need help and you can’t tell someone, ask me if I want decaf coffee next time I'm here. I'll know what you mean and do what I can to help. People care about you. ~Sting

Gray sits down heavily on the seat of the toilet, reading and re-reading the note. If he wasn’t so exhausted, he’s sure he would feel something, but all he can do is stare numbly at the words.

Joel cares about me, he thinks, but the thought is fragile – if he tries too hard to believe it, it’ll shatter.

A knock on the door startles him, and he quickly balls up the note, shoving it into the garbage beneath wads of paper towel.

“Gray? You okay?” Lucy sounds concerned, and Gray sighs.

“I’ll be right out, I’m fine,” he says, standing up and staring at his reflection in the mirror. He looks like shit. His hair’s messy and his eyes are red, and he can just see the edge of the bruise on his shoulder with the collar of his shirt open. When he buttons the shirt back up, he notices that his nails are bitten down so far that one of them is bleeding.

“I’m fine,” he whispers again. Maybe if he says it enough times, it’ll eventually be true.

-----

Gray has Natsu’s new phone number memorized. He read it a hundred times before he’d burned Natsu’s note from the night at the bar. Now he types it slowly into his phone, feeling a sense of unease and guilt run through him as he opens up a message window.

He shouldn’t be doing this. He promised Joel, said he wouldn’t talk to Natsu, said he’d be good and listen and do the things that make Joel happy.

But Joel said he wouldn’t hit Gray again, so maybe both of their promises mean nothing.

Gray [16:45] Hey. It’s me.

A response comes less than two minutes later.

Natsu [16:46] hey! ive been thinking about you, im so happy you texted. you doing okay?

Gray curls up further into the corner of the couch and reaches down to pet Bella. He starts to type out a reply and then hesitates. Joel already has access to Gray’s phone – he occasionally flips through Gray’s texts or e-mails while they’re watching movies or while Gray is cooking. But if Gray deletes the messages, Joel will never know.

Gray [16:47] You were right. Your number was blocked in my phone. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you.

Almost immediately after sending the message, his phone starts to ring, and Gray jumps at the sound, heart pounding as he hits the ‘decline’ button. If Natsu’s number shows up on the phone bill…

Gray [16:48] Can’t talk on the phone.

Gray [16:48] He’ll find out.

It hurts to type the words, and it’s even harder to press ‘send.’ Writing it is an admission that Gray’s terrified to make, because it means Natsu is right, and Joel is…

Gray shakes his head, setting his phone down in his lap and rubbing his face with both hands. Bella whines and tips her head back, panting at him until he scratches behind her ears.

Natsu [16:49] are you safe?

The words make Gray want to cry, because there’s no good answer. At the moment? Yes. In an hour, when Joel gets home? Who knows. The uncertainty always stretches Gray thin, anxiety spiraling into panic until the door opens and he can see what kind of day Joel’s had.

Gray groans, tipping his head back into the couch cushions and staring at the patterns on the stipple ceiling. He can see the bouquet Joel bought him last week from the corner of his eye, and he tries to bring back the way he felt when Joel came home with flowers and a bottle of wine, apologizing for being grumpy.

Gray’s phone buzzes again and he stares at the message for a while before responding.

Natsu [16:51] gray, im so glad you reached out, but im really scared for you

Gray [16:55] I'm okay right now. He's not home.

Natsu [16:55] would you tell me if you needed help?

Gray [16:58] I’m fine.

Natsu [16:58] but if you werent, you know im here right?

Gray [17:00] You’re three hours away.

Natsu [17:01] then id be there in 3 hours. if you need me, ill be there. i promise, no matter what.

Natsu [17:01] if you need someone sooner than 3 hours, this is sting’s phone # and he can help you before i get there

Natsu [17:01] Shared Contact: Sting Eucliffe (SE)

Gray clicks on the contact and a local phone number comes up, along with an email and an address. It’s not far from where Gray lives. His thumb hovers over the ‘add contact’ button, then he shakes his head and runs the numbers through his head over and over until he has them memorized.

Gray [17:06] Okay. I have to delete this. You can’t text me or call me. I'll text you when I can.

Natsu [17:06] take care of yourself. im always, always here.

Gray [17:07] I know.

Then Gray erases the conversation, and deletes the missed call from Natsu as well. Once the words are gone, he feels hollow. Unreal.

He sets his phone on the coffee table and nudges Bella off his legs, then moves over to the dining room table and stares at the flowers. They’re pink roses, soft and sweet in a way that Joel hasn’t been in years.

Pink like the scar that runs across the palm of Gray’s hand, from a broken plate that Joel had thrown.

A sudden, hot, electric shock of anger runs through Gray, and he slams his hands on the table, biting back a scream of frustration. Everything is tangled up inside him, and he lets out a shaky breath as he tries to figure out how to push it all back down again, where everything is separate and safe.

He wants so badly to blame Natsu. Before the night at the bar, none of it was complicated. When Gray was careful, Joel was happy. Most of the time.

It’s not Natsu’s fault, though. It’s Joel’s, and no matter how much Gray tries to ignore it, the quiet, angry part of him knows it’s true.

Everybody fights, he thinks desperately, digging his fingernails into his palms.

Sure, but they don’t have to lie to the ER about why they need stitches, the angry part of him argues. Or lie to their friends. Or themselves.

“Fuck!" Gray shouts, lashing out and knocking the vase off the table. It falls to the floor and shatters into tiny shards of glass and shredded rose petals.

Gray sinks down to his knees and reaches out slowly, picking up the largest broken piece and inspecting its sharp edges. The anger is gone as quickly as it came, and all that’s left behind is a dull detachment.

At least now he doesn’t have to worry about what kind of mood Joel will be in when he gets home.

[bechloeislegit]

Unrequited

Unrequited - adjective: (of a feeling, especially love) not returned or rewarded.

Beca was getting pissed again, and this has been on for several days now. The Bellas constant teasing about her and Chloe was really getting on her nerves. She had actually told Chloe she liked her and even asked her out. Chloe turned her down, telling Beca she only thought of her as a friend. Beca understood; it wasn’t the first time she’d been turned down and probably wouldn’t be the last. It’s just having to be around the girl every day and having the Bellas riding her all the time was taking its toll on her.

“Beca,” Chloe said. “You’re doing that part all wrong. It’s like this.” Chloe puts her hands on Beca’s hips and starts to move her through the right steps.

“You don’t have to touch me,” Beca snapped pulling away. She softened her tone when she realized how harsh she was being. “Just show me, and I’ll follow you.”

Chloe looked a bit hurt but did as Beca asked.

“Trouble in paradise, Beca?,” Amy asked and snickered.

“Shut up, Amy,” Beca snarled back at her. “I don’t need your shit today.”

“Whoa,” Amy said. “Just because you and Red are having some issues, don’t take it out on me.”

Beca just glared at the Aussie and walked to the other side of the room. Chloe furrowed her brow not sure what to do. Beca was her friend, but they hadn’t really talked much much since Chloe turned her down for a date. She thought Beca understood that she only thought of her as a friend and didn’t see them as anything else.

“Hey, Chloe,” Amy said causing the redhead to look at her. “Better go check on your girlfriend.” Amy snickered again.

“Yeah, Chloe,” CR chimed in. “Maybe you need to up the lady-loving so she’ll be in a better mood.”

Amy high-fives CR and all the girls started laughing.

“That’s enough you two,” Chloe said, noticing how Beca was just glaring at them. She started to say something to Beca but stopped short when Beca yelled at the girls.

“Jesus, could you all just shut the fuck up,” Beca growled. “I’m tired of being the brunt of your so-called jokes. You don’t know shit. I told Chloe I liked her and she doesn’t like me like that. It happens, and life goes on. I’m dealing with it. At least I’m trying to, but having you assholes running your fucking mouths every day is not helping. And, it’s making Chloe uncomfortable. So, I’d greatly appreciate it if you would just shut the fuck up and back the fuck off.” Beca is breathing heavy after her tirade. She looks around, and they are all staring at her with shocked looks on their faces.

“You know what?,” Beca said looking at them. “I’m done. I can’t keep doing this.”

She picked up her stuff and starts to walk out.

“If you walk out that door,” Aubrey shouted as Beca reached the door. “You are no longer a Bella.”

“That’s the idea,” Beca snarked back and walked out.

“Beca, wait,” Chloe called out and started to follow her.

“Chloe,” Aubrey said, grabbing the redhead’s arm. “Let her go. It’s probably for the best.”

Chloe sighed and let Aubrey lead her back to the girls. Chloe spends the rest of the rehearsal just going through the motions. As soon as Aubrey ended rehearsal, Chloe was out the door. She had to find Beca to make sure she was okay. Chloe runs to Beca’s dorm and knocks on her door. She is actually surprised when Beca answers.

“Hey, Chloe,” Beca said and stepped aside to let her enter. “I figured you’d be by.”

“I just wanted to make sure you were okay,” Chloe said as she sat on the edge of Beca’s bed.

“I’m fine,” Beca said and sat in her desk chair.

“About what Amy was saying,” Chloe said. “I’m sorry they made you feel bad.”

“You don’t have anything to apologize for,” Beca said. “I get that you don’t have feelings for me other than friendship. It’s not the first time I’ve been turned down. It’s just having to listen to the Bellas saying all that stuff every single day just bugs me. I see how uncomfortable it makes you but you’re just too nice to say anything. I mean, they just won’t shut up about it no matter how many times I tell them nothing’s going on between us. Having them yapping in my ear about it every day and seeing you look so sad, I just can’t handle it anymore.”

“I’m still sorry, Beca,” Chloe said.

“Stop it,” Beca said. “You were kind and considerate of my feelings when you turned me down. You’ve been nothing but a good friend. I’m not saying this stuff to make you feel bad. I just don’t want you to treat me any differently. And, you do. Every time you look at me I see sorrow and sadness in your eyes. I don’t even know what to say to you. And, stop apologizing because we’re just friends. It’s okay. I like being your friend. I just hope whoever you are dating is worthy of you. And, if they ever hurt you, I’ll kick their ass.”

Chloe stood up and grabbed Beca in a hug. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Beca said as she pulled out of the hug. “I’m going to grab a nap before my shift at the radio station.”

“Okay,” Chloe said. “I have to go shower anyway. I’ll see you tomorrow at rehearsal.”

“I won’t be at rehearsal,” Beca said. “I meant what I said when I walked out. I’m out of the Bellas.”

“Beca, you have to be a Bella,” Chloe said eyes wide in surprise. “We need you.”

“No you don’t,” Beca said. “I’ve said it over and over again. The set Aubrey insists on using is old and tired. You aren’t going to continue to win with it. The Bellas got lucky at Sectionals because Fat Amy went off script. Aubrey doesn’t get that you need to do something different each time.”

“She just wants to win so badly,” Chloe said. “To make up for what happened at Nationals last year.”

“I understand that,” Beca said. “But, let’s just say for argument’s sake that the Bellas make it to Nationals again and, against all odds, win it. What will Aubrey have actually accomplished? All she would be doing is proving to Alice that her set was good enough to win and, if Aubrey hadn’t puked all over the place, Alice would have graduated as Captain of the first all-girl ICCA National Champions. If it were me, I think I’d want to prove that I was a better Captain than Alice and win with my own set. Do something totally different, change things up.”

“Oh, my God,” Chloe said. “I never thought of it that way. If we use the same set and win, Alice will definitely throw it in Aubrey’s face forever. I need to talk to Aubrey.” Chloe goes to the door but before she leaves she stops and looks at Beca. “Please come to rehearsal tomorrow.”

“Sorry, but I can’t,” Beca said. “I’m not apologizing to Aubrey for walking out, and I guarantee she’ll expect me to. I feel like she owes the two of us an apology. She’s the Captain and didn’t bother to even try to stop the others from harassing me and, by association, harassing you.”

“Can you be available if I call you tomorrow?,” Chloe asked. “I will get Aubrey to listen to reason, and I’m going to want to have you there to help us come up with a decent set.”

“I don’t have any other plans,” Beca said. “So, I guess I’ll be around if you need me. But, I’m not apologizing.”

“Fair enough,” Chloe said. “Do you want to get coffee tomorrow?”

“Sure, Beale,” Beca said. “We can get coffee. Just let me know when you’re available.”

Chloe flashes her a smile and leaves. Beca flops down on her bed. Her mind was full of thoughts of Chloe. She knows it’s going to be hard, but she really wants to stay friends with the redhead. At least she’d still be in her life. Beca let out a sigh and tried to fluff up her pillow before laying her head down and drifting off to sleep.

The following morning, after an excruciatingly boring shift at the radio station, Beca got up and dressed. She grabbed her laptop and bag and headed out the door to get some coffee and breakfast. Beca was almost to the diner when she heard Jesse calling her.

“Becaw,” he yelled, and she ground her teeth at the nickname.

She waited for him to catch up to her. He stopped in front of her with a goofy smile on his face.

“Good morning, Becaw,” Jesse said.

Beca had enough. “How many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me that stupid nickname?”

“You love it,” he said with a laugh.

“No, I don’t,” Beca said sincerely. “If you insist on calling me that then we’re no longer friends. And before you say anything, I am not kidding.”

“Jeeze, I’m sorry,” Jesse said. “You should have said something.”

“Jesus Christ, Jesse,” Beca said. “I say something every time you call me that ridiculous nickname. Every. Single. Time.”

“Okay, okay,” Jesse said putting his hands up in defeat. “I get it. I’ll stop.”

“You’d better,” Beca said.

“So, where you headed?,” Jesse asked. “Want to get breakfast?”

“Sure,” Beca said. “I was actually headed to the diner.”

“Great,” Jesse said, putting his arm around Beca’s shoulders. “This can be our first date.”

“Dude, no,” Beca said pulling away from him. “No first date. No dating between us at all.”

“Come on, Beca,” Jesse said. “It’s like I told you on Hood Night. You’re an aca-girl, I’m an aca-boy, and we’re going to have aca-children. It’s inevitable.”

“I’m gay, Jesse,” Beca said. “And, this is not the first time I’ve told you that either.”

“I just thought you were yanking my chain,” Jesse said with a sad puppy dog face.

“What is with people?,” Beca says getting frustrated. “Why won’t anyone believe me when I tell them something? First, the Bellas and now you. You know what? Forget it. I’m going to get some coffee and go back to my dorm. Goodbye, Jesse.”

“Beca, come on,” Jesse said pleadingly. “Just have breakfast with me. Not as a date. Just two friends having breakfast. Okay?”

Beca’s phone pinged with a text message before Beca had a chance to answer Jesse. She saw it was from Chloe and she opened it.

CBeale: Hey, Becs, want to get coffee this morning? My class was canceled and I don’t have Bellas practice until 1:00.

“Sorry, Jesse,” Beca said looking up from her phone. “I already promised to have coffee with Chloe when she was free today. She’s free now, so I’m going to go meet her.”

Beca doesn’t wait for an answer. She turns on her heel and heads to Chloe’s. Jesse calls after her.

“We’re good, right?,” Jesse yells. “Still friends. Right? Beca? Beca!”

Beca ignores him and types out a text to Chloe.

“Oh, good,” Chloe said. “Beca’s on her way here. We’re going to get coffee.”

“Is that really a good idea, Chloe?,” Aubrey asked. “I mean she has feelings for you, and you turned her down when she asked for a date. It could be awkward.”

“We talked about it, Brey,” Chloe said. “We’re friends, and she understands that I don’t feel the same way about her.”

“Everyone can see you obviously like her,” Aubrey said. “Wait. You told her you didn’t feel the same way about her? I thought you turned her down because you were still messing around with Tom.”

“I haven’t been with Tom for months,” Chloe said. “And what do you mean I obviously like her?”

“So, you lied to her,” Aubrey said. “Why?”

“I didn’t lie to her,” Chloe said. “Why would you say that?”

“Because I have eyes,” Aubrey said. “I’ve seen the way you look at her when you think no one’s looking. I see how you are always hugging her and cuddling with her when we have our Bellas bonding nights. It’s no wonder she asked you out.”

“I don’t treat her any differently than I treat any of my other friends,” Chloe said getting a bit angry with Aubrey.

“Keep telling yourself that, Chloe,” Aubrey said. “I’ve been your best friend for four years, and you don’t do all that with me.”

“That’s because you’re not the touchy-feely type,” Chloe said. “I know better.”

“Are you saying that Beca is the touchy-feely type?” Aubrey scoffs and then laughs. “Beca Mitchell is the most closed off person I’ve ever met. She exudes the ‘don’t touch me or die’ vibe. She practically knocked Stacie out when Stacie grabbed her from behind in a hug one day. You’re the only one who she lets do that. We know she only allows you to get away with it because she likes you. Why do you do it?”

Before Chloe can answer, there is a knock on the door. She opened the door to find Beca standing there.

“Hey,” Chloe said.

“Hey, yourself,” Beca said. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yep,” Chloe said and turned by to Aubrey. “I’ll see you at rehearsal.”

Aubrey gave her a wave and Chloe left with Beca. Chloe’s mind was racing with thoughts of what Aubrey had said. She was rather quiet, and Beca could tell something was on her mind.

“Want to get breakfast?,” Beca asked. “We can talk.”

“Okay,” Chloe said. “We can go to the diner.”

“Can we go to the Pancake House?,” Beca asked. “I had an argument with Jesse earlier, and I know he was going to the diner.” She holds up her keys. “I’ll drive.”

Chloe agrees, and they get into Beca’s car. They ride along, and the only noise is the radio as Chloe gets lost in her thoughts again, thinking about what Aubrey said.

“Chloe,” Beca says for the fourth time. “Hey, Earth to Chloe.”

“What?,” Chloe asked coming out of her daze.

“I’ve called your name like four times,” Beca said. “Is everything okay?”

“Um, yeah, everything’s fine,” Chloe said. “Just thinking about, um, Bellas stuff. Why were you trying to get my attention.”

“We’re here,” Beca said.

“Oh, sorry,” Chloe said with a laugh and looking around. “I hadn’t even noticed.”

They enter the Pancake House and order their meals. The waitress leaves and Beca looks at Chloe.

“Are you okay?,” Beca asks. “You’ve zoned out on me a couple of times now.”

“Um, yeah, sorry about that,” Chloe said, blushing. “I’ve been, um, thinking about what I’m going to say to Aubrey. You know, about the set.”

“Oh,” Beca said. “Good luck with that.”

“I still think you should come to rehearsal today,” Chloe said.

“Sorry, Chlo,” Beca said. “I’m doing this for me. I need to get rid of the negative shit in my life, and I don’t feel anything positive when I’m around the Bellas any more. Between Aubrey’s dictatorial leadership and Amy and the rest of them using me as the butt of their stupid teasing and jokes, I leave practice every day angry and frustrated. I can do without it.”

“What about me?,” Chloe asked softly. “Do you see me as ‘negative shit’ in your life?”

Beca laughed and smiled. “No,” she said. “You are one of the few positives in my life. You’re like the best person I know. So, I’ll probably keep you around. At least until I find somebody better.”

“Hey,” Chloe said, and Beca laughed.

The waitress brought their food and set it in front of them. They both thanked her and started eating, chatting about nothing and everything as they ate.

Chloe watched Beca as she told a story about something that happened when she was a kid. She had to smile because Beca’s hands and arms were moving all over the place as she talked. She really looked at Beca.

“Beca’s beautiful,” Chloe thought to herself. “I hadn’t noticed before, but it’s a subtle beauty. The way her stormy blue eyes light up when she talks about music. The smirk she seems to wear constantly. The way her chocolate brown hair hangs down in waves, cascading over her shoulders. It’s no wonder I love her.”

Chloe sat straight up in her seat with a vocal, “Oh.”

“You okay, Chlo?,” Beca asked, concern evident in her voice and on her face.

“Um, yeah,” Chloe said trying to hide the blush that crept up her cheeks. “I just remembered a paper I have due this afternoon, and I’m only half done. I should, uh, probably get back.”

“Oh, okay,” Beca said. “I’ll get the check and drive you back to your apartment.”

The ride to Chloe’s apartment was almost as quiet as the ride to breakfast.

“Oh, before I forget,” Chloe said. “What was my share of breakfast?”

“Don’t worry about it,” Beca said. “My treat this time. You can get it next time.”

“Thank you,” Chloe said. “It’s a date, I mean a deal. It’s a deal.”

Beca gave Chloe a weird look but didn’t say anything. Beca pulled up to Chloe’s building and put the car in park.

“Thanks for driving,” Chloe said as she unbuckled her seat belt.

“Any time, Beale,” Beca said.

“I really wish you’d reconsider coming to practice,” Chloe said.

“Not gonna happen,” Beca said. “I will be around if you happen to talk some sense into Aubrey and you want my help with coming up with a new set.”

“Okay,” Chloe said. “I’m going to go talk to her now.”

“Good luck with that,” Beca said with a small chuckle. “And with your paper.”

“My what?,” Chloe asked, a bit confused. “Oh, right. My paper. Thanks.”

Chloe gets out of the car and tells Beca she’ll see her later. Beca said goodbye and waited for Chloe to enter her building before driving off.

Chloe looked back and watched through the door until Beca’s car was out of sight. She sighed and headed up to her apartment. She entered the apartment and put her keys on the table next to the door. She then went in and sat on the couch and put her head in her hands.

“You okay, Chlo?,” Aubrey asked from her seat at the dining room table.

“You!,” Chloe said, glaring at Aubrey. “This is all your fault.”

“What’s all my fault?,” Aubrey asked.

“You had to put these ideas in my head,” Chloe said. “You had to say something about liking Beca. Dammit, Brey!”

“What happened?,” Aubrey asked, not sure where this was going.

“You got inside my head,” Chloe said, standing and starting to pace back and forth. “I started to look at Beca. Really look at her, and I realized that you were right. I like Beca. Actually, I think I love her.”

“Whoa,” Aubrey said, somewhat shocked. “How did you go from ‘I don’t have any feelings for her’ to ‘I love her’ in less than two hours?”

“I don’t know,” Chloe said running her hand through her hair. “But I did. I mean, one minute she was telling a story about when she was a kid, and I noticed how cute it was that she talked with her hands. And then I really looked at her and noticed how beautiful she is. The way her stormy blue eyes light up when she talks about music. The smirk she seems to wear constantly. The way her chocolate brown hair hangs down in waves, cascading over her shoulders. And I started thinking about how I wished I could find someone like her to love.”

“And then you realized you already had someone like her,” Aubrey finished for her.

“Yeah,” Chloe said with a sigh and fell back onto the couch.

“So,” Aubrey asked with a smirk. “What are you going to do about it? I mean, you already know she likes you like that.”

“I don’t know,” Chloe said, clearly frustrated. “I mean, won’t she think it’s weird that one day I’m saying I only think of her as a friend and the next that I love her. God, this sucks.”

“Just tell her the truth,” Aubrey said. “You were honest when you told her you didn’t the same way she did, but suddenly realized that you did. Feelings are complicated. I’m sure she’ll understand. She may be a bit anti-social and a pain in my ass, but she’s not stupid or heartless.”

“I’ve got to get my mind on something else for a while,” Chloe said. “Let’s talk about the set.”

“The set is fine,” Aubrey said tersely. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

“I think there is,” Chloe said. Seeing Aubrey about to interrupt she holds up her hand. “Hear me out. If after what I say doesn’t make you change your mind, then I’ll drop it.”

“Okay,” Aubrey said. “Go for it.”

“What’s the real reason you’re keeping the old set?,” Chloe asked. “And be totally honest with me here.”

Aubrey thought about the question. “It’s tradition, and it got us to the ICCAs last year. That should be enough, right? We win, and I redeem myself for my puking all over the stage. What exactly is Chloe looking for?”

“The set got us to the ICCAs last year,” Aubrey said out loud. “It will get us there this year, and when we win, I’ll have redeemed myself from what happened last year.”

“Will you really?,” Chloe asked. “Redeem yourself.”

“What do you mean?,” Aubrey asked. “Of course I will.”

“OR will you just be showing Alice that the set she created,” Chloe said, “the set she put together was good enough to win and you fucked it up for her?”

“What?,” Aubrey asked, confused by what Chloe was trying to say.

“I mean,” Chloe said, pausing to gather her thoughts. “If we use the same set and, by some small miracle, win with it, you will be handing Alice something to hold over you forever. BUT, if you come up with a new and different set and win, it will all be because of you, not her. You will definitely have redeemed yourself on your own terms.”

Aubrey stared blankly at Chloe for a moment. Her eyes widened as she was struck with an epiphany. “Oh, my God! You’re right. How could I have been so blind as to not see it?”

“I’m glad you agree,” Chloe said, and mumbled under her breath, “finally.”

“We need to come up with a new set, immediately,” Aubrey said.

“I know someone who can help us with that,” Chloe said and looked at Aubrey with a big smile.

“No,” Aubrey said. “No way.”

“Come on, Brey,” Chloe said. “You know she’s good, and she’ll come up with a killer set. You just have to ask her, nicely.”

“She walked out on us,” Aubrey said. “I can’t just allow her back in until she apologizes for walking out.”

“Actually,” Chloe said. “You owe her an apology.”

“How pray tell, do you figure that?,” Aubrey asked.

“She quit because the Bellas were always making her the butt of their stupid jokes,” Chloe said, “and harassing her about me and you never did anything to stop them. You’re the Captain, and you knew it bothered Beca and upset me, yet you never said a word to them about it. I think you were hoping she’d quit because she constantly questioned you about the set and you knew she was right. And, you couldn’t handle the ‘alt-girl with her mad lib beats’ being right about something.”

Aubrey looked down at her hands, embarrassed because she knew Chloe was right.

“Okay, fine,” Aubrey finally said. “I’ll apologize to her and ask her about helping with a new set. Happy?”

“Very,” Chloe said with a big smile and pulled out her phone. “I’ll call her and ask her to come over.”

“Wait,” Aubrey said, causing Chloe to look at her. She stood and walked over to Chloe. She stood over Chloe, and a mischievous smile slowly made its way to her lips. “I’ll apologize and ask her about helping with the set if you tell her how you really feel about her.”

Chloe’s mouth dropped down in shock. “You’re using blackmail on me?” Aubrey just raised an eyebrow and continued to look at Chloe. “Fine. I’ll tell her.”

“Good,” Aubrey said and went to sit back down at the table. “Call her and see if she can come over now. The sooner we get started, the better.”

Chloe placed the call to Beca.

“Hey, Chlo,” Beca answered. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Chloe said. “Everything is, um, great. I was wondering if you could come over. Aubrey wants to. I need. Um, Aubrey and I both... want... uh, need to talk to you.”

“Um, okay,” Beca said, somewhat hesitantly. “I’ll be over in about 15 minutes.”

“Great,” Chloe said. “See you then.” Chloe ended the call and looked over at Aubrey. “She’s on her way.”

Aubrey nodded and went back to her studies. Chloe starting pacing back and forth, trying to figure out how to tell Beca about her feelings. There was a knock on the door sooner than Chloe had expected. She took a deep breath and went to let Beca in.

“So,” Beca said standing inside the door. “You guys wanted to talk to me?”

“Yeah,” Chloe said hesitantly. “I need to talk to you first, though. Then Aubrey and I need to talk to you.’

“Okay,” Beca said looking at Aubrey and then back at Chloe. “Hey. Are you okay?”

“I’m, uh, yeah,” Chloe said and took Beca’s hand. “Come with me.”

Chloe drags Beca to her room and closes the door. Beca stands with her back to the door and looks at Chloe. “Well?”

“I, uh,” Chloe stammers. “Oh, God. I really don’t know how to say this.”

“Let me guess,” Beca said. “You talked to Aubrey, and she is still dead set on using the same old set. It’s okay. Nothing less than I expected. You didn’t have to call me all the way over here to-”

Suddenly Beca is pushed against the door, and Chloe is kissing her. Beca’s mind goes blank from surprise. But then she realizes that Chloe is kissing her, and she kisses her back. After about a minute, Beca’s eyes fly open, and she pushes Chloe away.

“What the hell, Chloe?,” Beca says holding Chloe at arm’s length. “Is this some kind of a joke?”

“No, Beca, no,” Chloe says grabbing Beca’s hands and holding them to her. “I wanted to tell you that I like you. I mean I really like you as more than a friend.”

Beca just looks at her with a raised eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yes, really,” Chloe says. She pulls herself away from Beca and starts pacing back and forth. “I realized this morning when we were having breakfast. I know it sounds crazy, but I honestly had no idea I had feelings for you. I thought we were just friends and that was it. But, Aubrey said something about the way I look at you and then at breakfast it hit me that I wanted to be more than friends with you. You’re funny and passionate. You have a kind heart even though you try to come off as badass and uncaring. And, I looked at you, really looked at you and I was enthralled at how beautiful you are. You took my breath away. And I really, really like maybe love you.”

Beca is dumbfounded. She truly did not expect this when Chloe asked her to come over.

“Say something,” Chloe said, anxiously looking at Beca. “Please.”

“Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?,” Beca asked. “I know this really romantic little Italian place not too far from campus.”

Chloe walked over to Beca and stands less than a foot away from her. “I’d love to.” Chloe smiled at Beca and Beca smiled back.

Beca closed the gap between them and smashed her lips against Chloe’s. They stand together, kissing for several minutes when they are interrupted by Aubrey pounding on the door.

“That’s enough time,” Aubrey yelled through the door. “Get out here. We’ve got a lot to discuss and very  little time to get things done.”

“I guess this means I’m a Bella again,” Beca said, and Chloe nodded, biting her bottom lip. “And, I’m also guessing Aubrey has decided to change the set.” Chloe nodded again and smile. “Well, I guess we should get to it then.”

“In a minute,” Chloe said and kissed Beca again. Another bang on the door jerked them apart. With a satisfied smirk, Chloe said, “Okay, now we can go.”

[the-sapphire-general]

My Thoughts and Feelings About Lunafreya Nox Fleuret

It has been quite some time since I made a post like this, so I did not write the future posts I have been planning, but I wished to write this post before the others. It is an unexpected one since the idea was never one that I considered, but I now desperately want to reveal my own views on Final Fantasy 15's main heroine, Lunafreya Nox Fleuret, Princess and Oracle of Tenebrae. It will only be a single but lengthy post, so prepare yourselves for it. Major spoilers for both the game and the movie Kingsglaive will be included, so if you are unfamiliar with FFXV, stop here and watch the movie and play the game (in that order) to understand everything. Note that this will be a rant to an extent, so either be civil or leave. You have been warned, and I will not be obligated to repeat it again. This post is dedicated to @cellarhapsodos.

Lady Lunafreya, or simply Luna, is the Princess of Tenebrae, which was conquered by none other than the Nifelheim Empire. Her mother Queen Sylvia was killed in the process and has since been imprisoned for twelve years. Ravus, her brother, joined the empire thinking that King Regis Lucis Caelum abandoned him and let Tenebrae be claimed by the enemy. Growing up, Luna knew that she had a purpose just like her beloved, Noctis, Regis's son, and was determined to fulfill her goals as the Oracle to heal those from the Starscourge and assist Noctis into becoming the True King of Light to end the darkness that threatens to fall over Eos.  

Now this all seems intriguing, but this is only scratching the surface. I am not going to just discuss her story. I will be discussing about Lunafreya herself. I will begin by explaining my reasons on writing this post in the first place. Apparently, Luna is hated by who knows how many people, their comments ranging from she is a weak and bland character, is completely useless, and has no purpose but to be Noctis' love interest. The list goes on, and I want to say something. Lunafreya does not deserve such hatred. Cue the dramatic gasps from the majority of Luna haters! Yes yes, my opinion differs from yours. Keep yourselves under control and let me continue. Luna has been accused of being a horrible Final Fantasy heroine, some saying she is the worst. Ummmm...What? How is she the worst character? Well, their arguments are these: She is useless, irrelevant to the plot, bland, robotic, has little screen time, sexist, weak, passive, and a damsel-in-distress. First of all, people can have their opinions, but they treat their opinions on Luna as if it is pure fact simply because they did not like some aspects about her. Though not all are like that, so I should not phrase it like that. Second, some also tend to go overboard with these opinions, implying that Luna should be despised by everyone. 

Luna was responsible for her part in trying to save Eos from the Starscourge. She was the one who prevented it from getting worse while alive, and she healed those that were tainted by it. She, as the Oracle, helped those who needed her and without her, so many people would have been dead and the nights would have become longer and longer. And that happened when she died in the hands of Ardyn in Altissia. Darkness fell upon the world for the past ten years and people died and daytime no longer existed. Worse, some people turned into daemons! So when Luna died, the Starscourge advanced to such an extreme, nobody was safe.  

Also, Luna had the Ring of Lucii, and she took it with her from Insomnia to Altissia despite the dangers of doing so just for Noctis to take it and fulfill his destiny as the King of Light, but guess what? It was her duty to take it to Noctis, and if she had not done her part, he would have never gotten the ring. When King Regis insisted on having her meet Noctis, Luna declined by saying the empire would follow her wherever she went. She protected Noctis from Nifelheim, even though she longed to see him after twelve years. More on this later.

Another thing to point out is Luna spoke to the gods. It is obvious that she did considering the vision of her standing before Titan. Before Noctis and his friends met them, Luna was already ahead of them so Noctis could participate in their trials. Awakening the gods, however, took a toll on her for it was killing her. In fact, healing people infected with the Starscourge must have done the same thing. But despite the possibility of death, Luna stayed strong and continued on her own journey to not only assist Noctis but to play her role in saving the world from darkness. Ravus even redeemed himself because his love for his sister was stronger than his hatred for losing his home to Nifelheim, and he wound up helping Noctis as well.  

An Oracle is not an easy role to fill, and Luna knew that when she was young. She knew but did not express fear. Her fate, the loss of her mother, the twelve years in the lands of Nifelheim, did not phase Luna, and remained brave through and through even if it meant she might die. It was her duty to protect her people and restore light into the world. Even after she died, she still healed Noctis so he could survive Leviathan's trial. So if you remove Luna, Noctis does not participate in the trials, or if he managed to do so, he would have died by Leviathan and the world is doomed. Game over.

Next is Luna's personality. Arguments include she is robotic, emotionless, and bland. Clearly, they did not read or watch Twilight! Bella Swan fits that description, not Luna. Luna is kindhearted, compassionate, and selfless from beginning to end. She kept herself away from Noctis to protect him from Nifelheim. She helped Ravus change his affiliation from the empire to Noctis. She healed her people and gave them hope. She loved Noctis and healed him so he could survive. Luna placed everyone's interests before hers because she cares about them and assisted Noctis into fulfilling his destiny. She expressed subtle fear and doubt, but did not let it overcome her, and she did whatever it took to achieve her goals and assist Noctis. She was even a bit reckless, such as jumping from a crashing ship. People say she and Regis knew of a possible future. Personally, Luna would have made it alive if Nyx did not jump, but again, as Oracle, Luna knew about the future. That is something an Oracle can do if I am not mistaken: see the future. Or maybe she saw bits of it. Either way, Luna knew what she was doing. She was not a suicidal person. A suicidal character like her would not have waited for Nyx to help her. She would have fought back regardless if her opponents were dangerous, and she would have risked her life and possibly died too soon. She would have gone to Noctis even if Nifelheim would follow her and put her beloved and his friends in grave danger. She's stubborn and careless, but also clever and intelligent.

Speaking of Noctis...This sparked a lot of hatred, and I want to say this. Her goal is NOT just related to Noctis! People say she only exists to support Noctis. Noctis this, Noctis that! Luna did not focus entirely on Noctis if you paid attention to the movie and the game. She wanted to protect people, and she did everything she could from healing to preventing the Starscourge from advancing. She wanted to stay strong for everyone so she could fulfill her own destiny as the Oracle. She did not do all this just for Noctis. All of this was her choice aside from it being her duty as the Oracle because she was a good person who cared about others. Assisting Noctis and wanting to be with him were her secondary goals. What is wrong with wanting to help the one you love??? You would do the same would you? And what was bad about her wanting to be with him?? Luna kept in touch with Noctis for twelve years by writing to him. They knew each other as children prior to the invasion, so the romance was not forced in my book. Now if they never knew each other, then it would have been, but it is not. Although the marriage was intended to be an arranged marriage, that did not make a difference. Luna loved Noctis already, and he loved her back. They would have gotten married anyway even if it was not arranged. So Luna's desires to see Noctis again is not a weakness, it is not anti-feminist, and it is not bad. I mean, how would you feel if you had not met your beloved for years? Would you want to see them again?? Luna longed to be by Noctis' side, and she placed those interests aside to help those in need even if it hurt, and never had the chance to be with him until the afterlife. Those who say that love and romance make a female character anti-feminist or whatever should reevaluate their views or else it could make girls and women believe that if you are in love, you are not strong. That makes no sense. Yes, if a female character focuses only on her love for a man and that is all that defines her, then that is bad. But Luna?? Noctis does not define her. She does, and she has shown it countless times and people still are unable to see that.

I confess that I used to hate her. I really did. I was influenced by ridiculous feminazis like them, and I kept seeing her the way they did. Their arguments were my own, but just like with Ardyn, my friend (who I mentioned in the very beginning) convinced me that she was not the way I thought she was, and she was right. I reevaluated not just how I see Luna, but all my feminist beliefs in general. To put it this way, I now see the light. Lunafreya Nox Fleuret is a proactive heroine because of everything she had done. She is similar to Aeris Gainsborough, not entirely but there are some similarities? Like they love flowers, they are kind, compassionate. And I used to hate Aeris as well, but my friend made me rethink that as well. Like Aeris (or Aerith), Luna is a heroine in her own right. Though Aeris had more screen time and such...Well, I never said they were identical. lol?

The only argument I can agree with the fandom is that Luna does have little screen time. I see that, and I want to see more of her because she is a great character. She did so much between her departure of Insomnia and her arrival to Altissia, and I am curious about what happened during that time period. Yes, she died, but that does not make her weak either. She died for a bigger cause. Even after death, she still helped. She fulfilled her calling as the Oracle until the very end, and she did not want to die at first, but she accepted her fate for all of Eos, not just for Noctis. I nearly cried when she did when she was talking to Ravus about wanting to be with Noctis. Seeing that scene again to check out the additional content in one of the latest updates of the game made me feel the same way. Despite her little screen time, Luna was still interesting. So if a character has little screen time despite everything they have accomplished, they are terrible?? But what about, say, Rose Quartz from Steven Universe? She has little screen time, but she is still compelling. But Luna is not? That is rather hypocritical to me. Luna will have more focus on her! She is getting her own DLC. May I remind you that FFXV was in development for ten years and they wanted to release it already? They released it even though it was not finished. Why else are we getting DLC and additional cutscenes and such for the game??  

Yes, she was not shown fighting during certain times where she could have. But think about it. When she was kidnapped, Luna waited for Nyx because if she were to fight, she would risk her life and her goal to not only take the ring to Noctis but to prevent Eos from falling into eternal darkness and dooming the entire world. And I admit, Luna's decision of letting Luche put the ring on was clever. She never even warned him about the consequences. It was gruesome, but clever. And no, she did not just stand and let him take the ring. She tried to run, so she is not passive. Now she did not fight. Like I said, she did not want to risk her life. She was clever enough to let him put the ring on because she knew what would happen. Though not fighting is not always the solution in her situation, so it is obvious that she will fight in her DLC.

What I hate is people judging Luna over petty things, and what set me off and leading me into writing this post is because someone said she could not be redeemed. Luna may not have been shown more often, but it is her goals and actions that matter. Luna is strong, and she does not have to be physically strong, speak loudly, and not show emotions to be strong. That is something that annoys me, and although I was saving this for my future posts regarding feminism, I will say this now. A strong female character is not an overly masculine, emotionless, weapon-wielding, butt-kicking woman who should not be interested in a man or show vulnerability or else it disempowers her as a character. Nowadays, female characters HAVE to be this way just to be strong, everybody is forgetting that female characters come in all shapes and sizes and that strong female characters mean compelling and well-written characters! And these same people believe that if a female character shows any feminine qualities such as kindness, optimism, wisdom, dresses, pink or purple or any feminine colors, make-up, jewelry, hearts, and so forth, then they are automatically weak and terrible. 

None of those things are bad in a character. You just insulted a majority of women, real and fictional, who happen to be kind and optimistic, enjoy these things, and being involved in romance by calling them weak. Rose Quartz is feminine and her theme color is pink, yet people like her. Hypocritical much? Hate to break it to you, but Luna's appearance, personality, and relationship with Noctis does not make her weak. And just because she was in danger a few times, it did not make her a damsel-in-distress. There is nothing wrong with needing help to achieve her goals. I am still surprised that she did not show fear several times, especially when guns were aimed at her. I would have panicked, so I envy her for not even flinching or screaming. She's a strong-willed, independent, kindhearted, determined, and selfless woman that wants nothing but to protect others from darkness and reunite with the Prince she loves with all her heart.

Now not everyone hates Luna to the extreme, and not every one of those who are not fans of her are feminazis. But there are people who are like that, and I am simply stating that people take things out of proportion. I am not trying to generalize anyone or anything. People may say that she is weak or whatever it is I have mentioned, and that is alright. Their opinions are valid and I do not expect to change everyone’s minds because things do not work that way. Excuse me if I sounded as if my opinion is the correct one. It is not, but it is an opinion I wanted to share with others and it is an opinion that some can agree with, so please do not be offended. I like Lunafreya just like many others, others hate her, others have mixed feelings, and others are neutral, but it does not matter. We all have our opinions, so please let us respect them.