#and just seeing like ok the day to day decisions are probably maddeningly hard to make as a parent

[whentherewerebicycles]

nothing gives you insight into what parenting styles produce what types of kids like college essay coaching!! I feel like within 30 min of talking to a kid you can tell exactly what their parents chose to value/center in raising them… and you can also tell whether they’re going to have a rocky or reasonably smooth transition to adulthood as a result. if you were wondering the kids who are happiest and most secure in themselves tend to have parents who:

are warmly interested in their kid’s interests and engaged in their lives but give them LOTS of space/autonomy to explore those interests on their own and are in no hurry to rush in to “fix” things for their kid

communicate respect for their child and trust in their child’s ability to make good decisions and handle their own shit responsibly. it’s kinda wild how much pride kids take in their parents trusting them!! maybe you the parent don’t always get to see that (I assume that even teenagers who have good relationships with their parents are still teenagers lol) but as an outside person working with your kid, it is so so obvious that kids know when their parents trust them and derive a lot of self-esteem from being worthy of that trust. it is also painfully obvious when the parent can’t let go or trust their kid, so the kid internalizes a strong sense of “they expect me to fail/fuck up and they are just waiting for it to happen.”

encourage kids to try lots of different things and to derive fulfillment from the experience of doing things instead of external awards

treat and speak about others with empathy and respect. the kindest kids are the most secure kids and the most secure kids are the kindest. let your kids see you consistently interact lovingly and generously with others!! if they hear you constantly critiquing, tearing down, nitpicking, complaining, etc they seem to internalize an uneasy, insecure sense that this is how others must perceive them and they become soooo much more closed-off, guarded, risk-averse, unsure of themselves, and vulnerable to shaming or being shamed

set high standards for their kids in terms of doing well in school and committing to their activities, but make it very clear that these things are not a “means to an end” (get good grades to get into a good college) but are about learning how to work hard, persevere through difficulties, honor the commitments you’ve made to others, and develop a strong, grounded sense of self-esteem. honestly the kindest thing you can do for your teenager is to make it super clear that it does not matter where they go to college because you are so warmly confident in their ability to thrive wherever they end up

model having warm, loving relationships as an adult with friends and extended family. just in general the happiest kids are the kids who are surrounded by people who love them, listen to them, and are invested in their well-being!! the kids who, when you ask them to tell you about their closest relationships, spontaneously talk about people who aren’t just their immediate family but also their aunts and uncles, grandparents, family friends, beloved teachers or coaches, etc

[everyonesfavoritegoldenboy]

Wrapped around your finger...(Day 4) (P)

Born under a bad sign...

I had made up my mind.  I had a new sense of determination. Carmen had helped me build up confidence that I never knew I had.  I had stopped listening to the voices of rejection and the harsh words that were said and made a plan to make it clear to @mamabearlarusso​ that she was the only one I wanted. I wanted to assure her that no other woman means as much to me as she does and that I’m willing to show her I can be a changed man and the kind of man she needs in her life right now.  

I started warring with my emotions for the rest of the night.   She’s so maddeningly frustrating.  I can’t make my head stop creating all the scenarios where I’m fighting her then fighting to get her clothes off of her.  I linger too long on the latter.  I’m near exploding with desire to shut that pretty little mouth with passionate kisses.  I wanted the morning to get here as quick as possible.  I knew that if she saw me, she’d feel the same. I tossed and turned in bed and wanted to call her again.  Ask her if it would be ok to meet her...but then I remembered that she had stopped taking my calls...and that I smashed my damn phone and hadn’t had a chance to replace it.  Who knows if she maybe had tried to call me instead. My heart stops for a minute.  Maybe she has.  I thought about driving past her house...and fell into a restless sleep. 

I want to surprise her for lunch.  She can’t still be as mad at me as she was a few days ago.  I know I should be the one to make amends first.  I know what a temper she has and how she’s leveled me with it a few times, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take.  I think we’ve had enough time to cool down and cool off a bit...and we should be able to just...talk.  She came to the desert looking for me...it’s my turn to do the same for her...I hope this time will have a better outcome.  I make a couple of pit stops before heading over to the dealership.  I bought a dozen red roses and a bottle of very expensive wine. I want to ask her out to lunch with me and take her to someplace nice and maybe convince her to take the rest of the day off.  The more I thought about what we would do, the more I picked up my pace to get to her.  I needed to see her pretty smile.  Her lips.  I needed to feel them on mine. Her voice I wanted to hear her urgently whispering my name in my ear. Everything was going great with my preparations and I arrived at the dealership around noon.

I’m not too proud to beg or not let her know what my intentions are...I want her. Silly arguments and all. I just need to see her.  

I pull up to the dealership, getting out of the car when I look across the street to see this in the parking lot by the front door.  

*What the FUCK is HE doing here? My heart instantly sunk to my feet. I’m not gonna lie I had given him some shit recently.  Ever since I learned he was snooping around back in her life. He’d already taken over my kid’s. I never liked his sorry ass.  Why was he so envious of my life and everything I had? Get your own, asshole!  I remember her words:  

“In fact, @extremeskate and I would probably still be together right now, if I hadn’t tripped up and found myself so hung up on you. Hang on, what were That Big Oaf’s exact words…'Don’t lose yourself in another relationship’. I was worried about Robby. I was still worried that he would never want to talk to me again, so I went to see Rick first, since he knows him better than I do…Robby trusts him enough, that he would’ve probably been able to get him to talk about things. Rick pointed out, that I would’ve never gone into that online conversation, without hearing both sides first. I’ve always been level-minded, the voice of reason…well, at least in my adult years I have been. Then you and your mixed signals throw me all over the place and I don’t know which end is up, anymore. I never would have knowingly hurt my kids that deeply.”

“And, yeah, sure…I talked to him since you’ve been back…not that I knew you were, though…not like I even needed your permission, either. I AM a grown woman, Johnny. I CAN make my own decisions!”

My blood started boiling fast.  My hands balled into fists and I didn’t think much after that point.  I wanted to get across the street and demand to know why he was even remotely in the area.  He had no business here. He wasn’t about to muscle in on her...and he had another think coming if he was going to try. I bit my lip and stopped abruptly again.  

There was someone on the back of his bike.  It looked like someone with long brown hair...a woman...a woman I recognized from anywhere even if her back was turned to me. She turned around slowly and saw me standing in the middle of the parking lot...a look of sheer disbelief on my face.  

I can’t see anything but red...a huge red target on that bastard’s face...I’m gonna hand his ass directly to him without an introduction...I walk up to both of them...nearly shaking with rage. 

“What the HELL is THIS, Amanda??!!  We have a PROBLEM and you run to...TO THIS??!! It figures...you wanna kick me when I’m down.  You don’t take my calls and then I see you’re getting your business satisfied elsewhere.  I hate to tell you but big muscles don’t compensate for a tiny dick. Maybe that’s all you feel like you can handle right now!”   Rick steps in front of Amanda puffing up to full muscled neanderthal.  

Mephistopheles is not your name I know what you're up to just the same I will listen hard to your tuition And you will see it come to its fruition

“Don’t even think about it...Jerk off...I told you not to be sniffing around my woman and you JUST couldn’t get it through your THICK HEAD...COULD YOU!”  *gets in Rick’s face...* “You wanna do this?  Let’s GO!  Me and YOU right now!”

[thetravellingvagrant]

DAY 14: Timisoara/Belgrade – Tourn apart

SI was barely awake for a minute before I heard a knock on my dorm door. Without waiting for a response, the whispy receptionist poked her head through the gap and told me that GeaTours had just called and they would actually be arriving two hours earlier than previously stated. Which was in forty five minutes. Great. It was a good thing I set an alarm...

With no time, now, for my planned lovely morning bibble, I set about packing, finishing the last of my fairly humdrum Romanian cereal which stacked up very poorly to my previous Moldovan choice (kramsi for life) and waited.

...And waited more. And more. The time when they had said they were to arrive had passed. And then more time than that passed. Unwilling to decant my belongings for fear of them just suddenly turning up and catching me unawares, I instead just sat and stared at a wall, bored out of my nut.

I waited, like that for a full hour and fifteen extra minutes, before the whisp re-appeared, no doubt slightly creeped out by my serial-killer like stillness. She told me they would arrive in ten minutes.

I really question the decision to even bother informing me that they would be early in the first place. If they had just showed up half an hour earlier than I expected, I would have been probably rather pleased with that, but now, because they had told me, they were no longer half an hour early, but instead an hour and a half late. Consequently, I was irritated and my faith in their ability as a company, which was already basically at rock bottom, had plummeted even further.

After another ten minutes, I left the hostel, unable to find the whisp to offer a well-deserved thank you for all her help and waited outside. Another seven minutes passed (of course) before the car showed up.

The car in question was a janky old grey people-carrier, with two rows of seats. In the front set, sat what I assumed was a Serbian husband and wife combo; lets call them Pavel and Pavelina and in the back was a man with a British accent, though not a British passport, named James and I, vagrant. None of us spoke for the entire duration.

The trip itself was honestly, really quite painless. It took an hour less than I expected and we had breezed through the border with as little effort as I ever have, so that was a pleasant surprise. This was offset, slightly, however, by the car itself.

The row of seats at the back, upon which I sat, had loose and only conceptually connected to the chassis of the car. This meant that if I leaned back too hard, the seat would follow suite. I never did attempt leaning back as far as I could to see if I fell arse over tit into the boot, but I suspected that I might, if I did. The car also had little to no heating, meaning that my feet remained uncomfortably cold throughout and its suspension was shot all to buggery, so every tiny bump in the road was amplified one hundred fold by the time the tremors had reached the back seat.

The most unpleasant foible of this vehicle, however, had to be its exhaust, which apparently, was pointed not safely out of the arse end of the vehicle, but somehow directly into my face. The entire thing stank of petrol fumes and my window did not open. Even if it did, I probably wouldn't have opened it, as it would have only served to drop the already sub-zero temperature inside the cabin.

Consequently, I sat, for the entire three hour journey, inhaling engine fumes and feeling every shudder of every little bump in the road. As you could probably guess, by the end, I felt like a smashed in turd.

GeaTours seemed to be quite proud of their commitment to dropping passengers off right at the door of their destinations (which, I suppose, is fair, because so far they didn't have much else they could cling onto). As we neared my destination, I was asked by the driver where I was to be dropped off.

“Oh, uh, Gavrilla Principa Boulevard” I replied.

“Yes, but where?!”

Fuck, I didn't know. I was happy enough to get dropped off on the right street.

“Anywhere is fine”

they wasn't an acceptable answer. The driver asked Pavel to find out for him, so he could continue driving. I showed him the pinpoint on the map, which I had screencapped earlier. Pavel did not know where this was (despite the fact, as it turned out later, we were already literally right on it at this point).

“You have number for person you stay with?”

I told him I did.

“give me it, I call for you”

Mate, a) you're not even the driver, this is weird and b) I was still like fifteen minutes early for the very earliest check in time that Jelena, my host had offered me.

“No, that's ok, I can find my own w-”

He held his hand out, seemingly quite annoyed now, though I'm not sure why. Fucking hell, fine. I punched the number into my phone and handed it to him then watched, mildly embarrassed as he and Jelena had a protracted conversation in Serbian.

Eventually, he handed my phone back to me.

“You wait by this street corner here” he gestured some fifty yards backwards.

...Not exactly to the door, but ok. Fine, I was happy just to be allowed out of the car.

I jumped out and waited where I was told, until Jelena arrived, flustered and apologetic for being late, even though she was not, nor, if she was, was it in any way her fault.

Jelena was very nice, though a touch over-intense. She walked my to the flat talking about how I must have a shit opinion of Serbia because everyone in the western countries does. I told her I liked Serbia, had been before and very much enjoyed it, but she didn't seem to listen. She had already begun talking about football.

“Glasgow rangers, or Celtic?”

Jesus fuck, this again.

“Oh, uh, neither. I'm not really a football fan”

“From UK, not football fan!”

“I know, I'm squandering all the best stereot-”

she cut me off to show me a bureau de change and to bureau de change the subject once again.

This continued, with only the initial six or so words of any given avenue of conversation being spoken, before moving onto the next topic, prematurely, until we arrived at the flat. She showed me inside and explained, at great, withering detail exactly how every aspect of it works. How keys functioned, how hot water works, how the heating works (it doesn't), how the fucking bed works (you lie on it.). After my lecture, she left, telling me as she did that I looked suspicious. I still don't really know what she meant by that. I had assumed she meant that I looked like I was experiencing suspicion, rather than I looked like a suspicious sort, but, with the benefit of time, I am now not so sure.

The flat itself is very much the GeaTours of apartments. There isn't a more fitting word for it than Janky, other than the phrase I used in the notes I took for this entry; “nightmare shit hole”.

Everything is sort of creepy and decrepit and cramped (the bed, for example, wholly prevents the living room door from opening entirely). There's a laughably shit looking washing machine in the hallway

heelo cheeldren, am vashi, de freendly Serbian vasheenk machin.

an equally ugly looking fridge in the bedroom, with cutlery and a hot-plate stacked on top of it, but no sink- I suppose I'm expected to fill pots and wash dishes with water from the bathroom sink, which is...unusual to say the least- The walls are pock-marked with scrapes, chips and dents from previous tennants and the place is either far too cold, or far too hot, depending on the time of day. Still, I only paid about £15 a night for the privilege of being here, so how angry can you realistically get?

Thoroughly fucked from my juddery inhalation session, I decided to treat myself to a nap, to see if I could sleep off my headache, somewhat. By the time I woke up, my headache had vanished, though, so too had most of the day. Mildly peeved by this, I decided still to venture out to first, an ATM to collect my requisite serb-bucks, then to a very nearby 24 hour supermarket to buy some wafers, because, if I'm back in wafer-land, what am I, not going to buy wafers? Come on; and finally to a Chinese take-out place which Jelena had recommended, having neither the inclination nor ingredients to cook in Jelena's maddeningly confusing kitchen.

The Chinese, which I ate while watching a truly cringe-inducing episode of the apprentice was delightful, though I have no idea if I enjoyed so much due to the actual food, or because it was the single measure of comfort I had allowed myself in some time. It's all academic, I suppose. At least it wasn't microwaved chips.

After my second of the two nice meals I did not cook on this trip to date, I did very little of general interest with the rest of me evening, opting, instead, to spend it watching crap, writing blog updates and christmas shopping on amazon. And then I went to bed. I don't owe you anything.

[stocksinvestingxyz]

4 Things to Avoid When Investing in Stocks

In 2016 I churned over $1M dollars in trades on one of our retirement accounts. (a more detailed post on that is in the works) My return at the end of the year? About $2K. Wah Wah. We’re you expecting a bigger number? So was I. I don’t use that strategy for all our accounts, but trying to “beat the market” I wanted to see how well I could do. Over the years I’ve tried a lot of different strategies and have been affected by market psychology just like many people, but looking back after investing for 30 years, my biggest mistakes stand out. I’ve highlighted here, what I estimate to have cost me by biggest losses during that time. Let’s get to it. #1 Asking friends if a stock is a good or bad investment I had a friend who was a heavy user of Adobe products. A lifetime customer, who was intricately immersed in the features and had used their software for many years. When a recommendation to buy the stock popped up, I bounced the idea off of her, and she hedged and wouldn’t commit that she thought that there was still growth available within the company. I took that as negative commentary and passed on the stock. The stock has steadily marched from about $40 to topping $170 recently. Asking a friend for a green light or red light on such an investment is the same as throwing darts at a stock chart. You can value their opinion as a customer, but don’t read any more into than that. Fix: Do you own research and trust your gut. #2 Paying too much attention to news sources I often evaluate my investment sources, based on what they cost me, and my subsequent return on investment ideas that I garner from their content. Based on that formula, Barron’s magazine has probably cost me in excess of $15K for the price of going too heavy on Transocean (RIG), based on a 500 word article written about the offshore drilling company in 2013. The parent company of the Deep Water Horizon rig tragedy that flooded the Gulf coast with oil for 30 days in 2009, looked good on paper. It wasn’t and it proceeded to sink from $50 to below $10 over a period of 3 years. With so much noise on all the investment channels it’s hard not to be influenced by the stock pick of the day. I was a little surprised when the story broke that even Jim Cramer doesn’t beat the market. Most of this is about making sure that you’re balancing your true risk (see below) and researching as much about the company as possible. Fix: Don’t go too heavy on a single investment and use multiple sources to balance your decision. #3 Watching the market too closely every day In the past, I’ve tried to micromanage my investments, in buying and selling, based on overall profit or loss, in a day, week, or monthly period. Most of the time, that has resulted in what is the standard for most people that try it. I end up selling my winners too early, and holding on to my losers (and a larger percentage of the losers) for too long. If you make it to the end of this article, and you can truly come to a reconciliation of your true risk exposure, then at the end of the day, you should feel very comfortable holding your investments, no matter what happens in the market on a day to day basis. (and that doesn’t always simply mean “Buy and hold” forever) One stock that I micromanaged too closely was Fitbit (FIT). It started out like gangbusters and I felt like a genius early on, but there was so much negative sentiment about the stock, even though the company was showing a profit, that when the tide started to turn, I was over exposed. I learned my lessons on that one, but I still hold onto some shares at a risk level that I’m OK with. I do that, because I still believe in the company and I’m an avid user of their products. Based on my current investment, I’m OK if the stock moves down by 10% to 15%. Fix: Turn the news channels off. There is very little in the way of “Breaking news” that will make a difference in your returns. #4 Selling too soon This last one is really the flip side of the same coin, related to the one above. I’ve lost so much money by selling too soon, that I should long be retired on a beach somewhere. It reminded me of a note that I had sent to my niece that addresses long term investing strategies. From Microsoft to Amazon, many people have stories that include selling too soon, and they shouldn’t because it’s easily unavoidable. My most recent premature trigger pull was with Weight Watchers stock (WTW). I had entered a position 3 years ago, and added to the position as the stock fell. I garnered a windfall when Oprah purchased 10% of the company, and made a nice little profit on the bounce. While the stock came off it’s highs of around $25 and returned to the low teens for a year, I had always felt the stock was worth in the neighborhood of where I originally established a position, $50. However, after the ups and downs of another year, with no traction, I decided to exit my position of my remaining 600 shares at $17. Today, the stock is at $46. Everyone has Win/Loss stories, but the bottom line here is, that I went against my own (and my wife’s) better judgement of selling too early. The stock is at $46 today, and I would have garnered an extra $18K if I had simply held the stock. Dollar cost averaging works when you sell too. So if you’re exiting a position that you think might turn around, simply don’t exit it 100%. Fix: Buy what you know and understand the fundamentals. Also understand the competitive landscape. Understanding risk When looking at a basket of recommendations from various sources, in the past, I’ve sometimes tried to “cherry pick” a guess, based on a gut feel or on buzz that was in the market. Don’t try this. It doesn’t work. What I realized about what I was doing was that I was taking on way too much “risk”. Everyone knows that investments are risky, but you really need to objectively take a look at how much exposure you have, especially across multiple investment accounts. For example if you own offshore drillers in one account, and Exxon in another account, you should consider that as an investment in oil. The more accounts that you maintain, the more difficult that can be. What gave me a better handle on understanding risk was reading the chapter on the topic from a basic investment book. The book provides practical examples about risk, and reality. When you pick a stock and it gradually slides from $40 dollars a share to $20 dollars a share, then you’ve lost 50% of your original investment. HOWEVER, the thing that most people overlook is that that same stock must rise by 100% now, just for you to break even. The chances of that happening, especially over a short period of time are very small. Now, I take a much smaller initial position in any stock, and decide over time if I want to subsequently add, subtract or exit from that position. This also let’s you get a feel for management’s reporting style, during quarterly earnings reports. Some of these CEO’s are maddeningly frustrating with what they say, and how they report their own numbers. Getting a feel for those skills might provide you with an indication of whether you’re a good fit for that company, as an investor. Bottom Line The bottom line is that you should really focus on learning as much as you can about yourself, as an investor. That includes both strengths and weaknesses. Do all the leg work that you can, and take into account what you know to be historically accurate. History repeats itself, and that is more true in the stock market than almost any other place.

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