#but the basic ingredients are really really simple. love trust accountability respect autonomy and more love

[whentherewerebicycles]

nothing gives you insight into what parenting styles produce what types of kids like college essay coaching!! I feel like within 30 min of talking to a kid you can tell exactly what their parents chose to value/center in raising them… and you can also tell whether they’re going to have a rocky or reasonably smooth transition to adulthood as a result. if you were wondering the kids who are happiest and most secure in themselves tend to have parents who:

are warmly interested in their kid’s interests and engaged in their lives but give them LOTS of space/autonomy to explore those interests on their own and are in no hurry to rush in to “fix” things for their kid

communicate respect for their child and trust in their child’s ability to make good decisions and handle their own shit responsibly. it’s kinda wild how much pride kids take in their parents trusting them!! maybe you the parent don’t always get to see that (I assume that even teenagers who have good relationships with their parents are still teenagers lol) but as an outside person working with your kid, it is so so obvious that kids know when their parents trust them and derive a lot of self-esteem from being worthy of that trust. it is also painfully obvious when the parent can’t let go or trust their kid, so the kid internalizes a strong sense of “they expect me to fail/fuck up and they are just waiting for it to happen.”

encourage kids to try lots of different things and to derive fulfillment from the experience of doing things instead of external awards

treat and speak about others with empathy and respect. the kindest kids are the most secure kids and the most secure kids are the kindest. let your kids see you consistently interact lovingly and generously with others!! if they hear you constantly critiquing, tearing down, nitpicking, complaining, etc they seem to internalize an uneasy, insecure sense that this is how others must perceive them and they become soooo much more closed-off, guarded, risk-averse, unsure of themselves, and vulnerable to shaming or being shamed

set high standards for their kids in terms of doing well in school and committing to their activities, but make it very clear that these things are not a “means to an end” (get good grades to get into a good college) but are about learning how to work hard, persevere through difficulties, honor the commitments you’ve made to others, and develop a strong, grounded sense of self-esteem. honestly the kindest thing you can do for your teenager is to make it super clear that it does not matter where they go to college because you are so warmly confident in their ability to thrive wherever they end up

model having warm, loving relationships as an adult with friends and extended family. just in general the happiest kids are the kids who are surrounded by people who love them, listen to them, and are invested in their well-being!! the kids who, when you ask them to tell you about their closest relationships, spontaneously talk about people who aren’t just their immediate family but also their aunts and uncles, grandparents, family friends, beloved teachers or coaches, etc