#and just hate anything i try bc it isn't coming out of my brain

[nutritousmaltdrink]

i wish i could still draw :c

[ofyorkshire]

turning the bizarre image of angry, vengeful 1983!bj feeding what i am almost certain is a hallucination of his child self a wedge of orange around in my head today.

[javierpena-inatacvest]

You Make Loving Fun

Summary: You buy tickets to Fleetwood Mac for Javi's birthday. After a few drinks, Javi ends up having a little more fun than he intended.

Pairing: Husband!Javier Peña x Wife!Reader (no use of y/n)

Word Count: 6.1K

Warnings: SMUT (18+), unprotected p in v sex (wrap before you tap) oral (f receiving), vaginal fingering, paise kink, creampie, aftercare, implied? breeding kink (I think it's illegal for me to write if this isn't in the warnings somewhere) drinking alcohol, Javi gets absolutely HAMMERED, talks of having more kids and stopping birth control, Drunk Javi wants to tell anyone and everyone how much he loves his wife, Drunk Javi being sweet and happy and so in love because that's what he deserves

A/N: If you're anything like me, you've spent WAY too long looking at all of these photos of sweet Pedro at a concert, and of course, my brain automatically went "THAT'S JAVI GETTING WASTED AND HAVING THE TIME OF HIS LIFE" and now, here we are 🤷🏼‍♀️ I feel like Javi would be a very happy/affectionate drunk post-Colombia bc he is so happy just to be having fun and enjoying his life and that makes me ✨emotional✨ Also, thanks @itsokbbygrl for ruining my life by realizing the ring Pedro is wearing in this picture is on his RING FINGER?!?! 😩

Can be read as a standalone or as a part of the Never Too Late Series!

“I feel to fucking old to be doing this.”

“To do what? Go to a concert? I hate to break it to you, Jav, but there are, in fact, no age limits at concerts. What, are you worried security is gonna try to kick you out for being too old?” You giggled, looking over at Javi next to you in the bathroom, finishing fixing his hair and adjusting his shirt. 

“I know, I just haven’t been to a concert in so damn long. Definitely not since we’ve had the girls.” Javi sighed, running his hand through the dark curls of his hair once more before turning to face you, still finishing up the last of your makeup in the mirror. 

Although you had intended for your Fleetwood Mac tickets to be a surprise for Javi’s birthday, trying to coordinate around your schedules and 3 little girls had made spontaneous date nights much more challenging than they used to be when you first met. But, with Chucho needing no incentive to babysit his granddaughters, you and Javi were excited to have a night out just the two of you, getting to enjoy your favorite band together, singing and dancing the night away to celebrate another year of Javi getting older. 

“Well then lucky for you, you’ll be the hottest dad at the concert.” You smirked, sassily tilting your head towards him to prove your point, your reaction just enough to snap him out of his self doubt, Javi joining in on the laughter as he stood behind you, grabbing your waist and placing a soft kiss on the bare skin of your shoulder next to the strap of your sundress. 

“Good thing I’ve got a fucking hot MILF of a wife to go with me then, huh?” Javi grinned, the kiss he had left on your shoulder now slowly starting to creep up your neck and collarbone as his hand reached down to grab a handful of your ass, making you squeal in surprise. “I know you picked this dress out on purpose because you know it drives me fucking crazy. God, you look good.” 

“Javi! You better stop or we’re gonna be late to dinner before the show!” You scolded, giving him a playful jab to his stomach, only making him tighten the grip on your ass even firmer with his other hand coming to join his first. 

“Hermosa,” He cooed, gently turning you around to take the mascara you had in your hand and set it on the counter before cradling your jaw in his palm, forcing your gaze up at him, “I know you. And you and I both know damn well you at least put enough a little buffer time into our plans for us to have sex before we left. Am I wrong?” 

Well, he caught you there, because he most certainly was not. 

“Maybe…” You replied sheepishly, overdramatically rolling your eyes at his statement, only making his boyish grin spread wider between his cheeks, “Okay, but seriously though, we do have to be quick, because I don’t want to- Ah! Javi!” 

You couldn’t help but let out a little shriek of surprise as Javi suddenly lifted you up, setting you down on the bathroom counter and caging your body under his, his arms planted on either side of your hips as his mouth crashed into yours, tongues and teeth dancing in a hungry and desperate clash. 

“I promise I won’t take too long. But I can’t help myself when you look this good, mi amor. Eres tan hermosa (You’re so beautiful). You’re gonna kill me in that dress, Momma.” Javi hummed, his hands now gripping the meat of your thighs and sliding down your legs to bunch up the skirt of your dress, hiking it up as he sank down to his knees in front of the bathroom counter. 

You could already feel the damp patch that had begun to grow in your underwear as Javi hooked his fingers around the elastic of its waistband, tugging the fabric down your legs and letting it fall to the bathroom floor, revealing your pussy, already wet and aching for him. 

Javi settled himself between your legs, draping them over his shoulders as his fingers slid through your folds, collecting your juices before beginning to circle at your clit with the pads of his fingers, peppering kisses along the inside of your thighs as you whimpered in delight. 

“J-Javi, please, baby.” You moaned, fingers tightening around the edge of the countertop as his thumb replaced his fingers on your clit, his middle and ring finger dipping inside your already weeping core, curling just slightly as he began to pump them in and out of you. 

It wasn’t long before his thumb was replaced by his mouth, the flat of his tongue licking a broad strip across your cunt, the new sensation sending a shockwave of pleasure through your body. No matter how many times Javi had gone down on you, it never failed to surprise you how goddamn good he was at it, memorizing every twitch and gasp that made you fall apart in the best way possible, and tonight was no exception. 

His slow, long strokes began to quicken, circling his tongue around your clit with the perfect amount of pressure as his fingers worked in tandem, curving in just the right place to press against your g-spot and begin to build the arousal swirling in your core. 

As much as you (and Javi, for that matter), would have loved to have taken your time and let him eat you out on the bathroom counter for hours, the both of you knew you were on a time crunch, but not enough of a crunch to stop Javi from making you cum at least once before he fucked you. 

The pressure of his tongue on your sensitive nub became more and more, before latching his lips to suck at your clit, your cunt clenching in anticipation around his fingers as you writhed beneath his touch, moaning his name as you felt your orgasm begin to build. 

You couldn’t help but let your hand shoot down to his head, your fingers burying themselves in his thick, brown locks, with absolutely no regard for the time he had just spent fixing his hair in the mirror just a few minutes ago.  

“Javi… Oh, shit. Fuck, more baby, please. P-please, I’m so close.” You moaned, looking down at Javi with what you were already sure was a wrecked expression painted across your face. 

You could practically feel Javi’s smug smirk pressed against your cunt before pulling away to respond. “Give it to me, pretty girl. Wanna taste you all over me when you soak my face.”

Before you could reply, your jaw dropped open and face scrunched in pleasure as Javi dove back in, burying his face in your cunt, each press of his tongue became more firm and precise than the last, feeling your pussy begin to flutter as you clutched tighter around the edge of the counter, trying to keep from screaming out in pleasure and raise any suspicion. But as your legs began to tremble and your heart race, teetering on the brink of collapse, it was taking every ounce of willpower you had left to make that happen.

Fuck, Javi. Fuck, I- fuck- I’m gonna, I’m gonna-ahhhhhh.” You whimpered, feeling your orgasm crash through you, pleasure radiating in your veins as you fell apart, losing all inhibitions to keep yourself quiet as you threw your head back in all consuming bliss. With his fingers still buried in your cunt, gently working you through your high, Javi shot back up, his mouth engulfing yours in an electric kiss to try and capture your ragged moans that had been coating the walls of the bathroom, the tangy taste of you still lingering on his lips. 

”That’s it, baby girl. Fuck, you’re so perfect. Love this pussy so fucking much.” He groaned, reaching down to frantically undo his belt buckle, his fingers working rapidly to undo the metal clasp before pushing his pants and boxers down his legs, letting them pool in a pile around his ankles. 

Still coming down from your high, your breath hitched as the tip of Javi’s cock ran through your folds, coating his length in your arousal before slipping inside you. You couldn’t help but gasp even harder at the new sensation of his fullness inside you, cockhead already kissing your cervix as his hips flushed with yours. 

Javi’s hands began to wander up your legs, pushing your dress up your thighs until he got to your hips, digging his fingertips in the soft fabric as he thrust in and out of you, mouths melding together as one. 

“Fuck, you feel so good, Hermosa. So fucking wet for me, taking me so well.” Javi moaned, nipping at your ear as his pace became faster, fucking into you in the spot he knew made you lose all control, silently smirking at the pathetic whimpers that were escaping your lips. 

Javi buried his face in the crook of your neck as your legs began to instinctively lock around the small of his back, bringing him closer to you with each thrust. You could already feel that all too familiar tingle building at the base of your spine once again, wanting to feel every inch of him you could deeper and deeper inside you before you came. 

With the way the hairs at the base of his cock were brushing against your clit, you knew you didn’t have much longer until your orgasm was about to crash though you, finding yourself grasping fistfuls of Javi’s shirt for dear life as you mumbled incoherently. 

”O-oh shit, Javi. Fuck, F-fuck, don’t stop baby. Please, don’t stop.” 

You could practically hear the hum of satisfaction deep in Javi’s chest feeling your cunt clench tighter and tighter around his cock, his firm grasp of his hands on your hips holding you in place on the counter as he pounded into you. 

”C’mon Osita. Cum all over me. Give it to me and I swear I’m gonna fuck you so full of me, I’ll be dripping out of you all night.” 

“Yes, fuckfuckfuck, please, Javi.” 

“Is that what you want? You gotta be a good girl and cum for me first, baby.” 

That was all it took for you to break before you could feel a wave of pleasure rushing through your body, euphoria running through your veins as you came, crying out Javi’s name like a prayer as he started to chase his own high. His thrusts became frantic and sloppy, his brows furrowing in focus to hold out just a little longer until your body melted into his in your blissed out state. 

“That’s it, hermosa. I love you so much. I- oh shit- I’m close, too. F-fuck, I’m gonna fill this tight little pussy so full of me that it- oh fuckkkkkkkk.” With a few more pumps, a moan escaped from Javi’s parted lips as he came, spilling himself deep inside your walls. The warm mix of his spend and your arousal dripped out of you as his cock softened, whimpering at the loss as he pulled out, but catching your muffled moans in his mouth as his lips met yours, cradling your face in his palm. 

Through your heavy breaths from heaving chests, you and Javi both couldn’t help but smile and laugh to yourselves as your foreheads rested against each other, quietly whispering “I love you” to each other in sync, your bodies slumped together in a blissed out heap on the bathroom counter. 

”Fuck, you’re so hot. I’ll never get over it.” Javi smirked, biting down on his lip after giving you another quick kiss, rummaging through your bathroom cabinets to pull out a washcloth to clean you up with.

”Takes one to know one, Peña.” You giggled, letting out a content sigh as you let your head fall back, closing your eyes for a moment before looking over your shoulder to see Javi, and behind Javi, the clock that you both had very much not been paying attention to in the midst of your antics.

”Oh fuck…” 

“Already did that, mi amor,” Javi teased, running the washcloth under the warm water of the sink, “What’s wrong?”

Without saying a word, you gestured to the clock hanging on the bathroom wall with a defeated shrug, Javi turning around with a quiet laugh to himself, shrugging his shoulders right along with you. 

“You’d think after how long we’ve been together we’d start giving ourselves even more time than we think to leave for things, huh?” 

“You would think, huh?” You giggled, accepting defeat that the two of you would most definitely not be making it to your dinner reservations that you had planned before the concert. “Sorry, Jav.”

 “What do you have to be sorry about, cariño? Fuck, I get to have amazing sex with my beautiful wife before we go see our favorite band, what a horrible birthday night so far.” Javi teased, giving you a reassuring nudge that you had nothing to apologize for. “I think the real question is…” 

”Is what, Mr. Sarcasm?” 

“What size fries do you want with your McDonald’s Coke and McNuggets for dinner?” 

“How did you know I was gonna say we should get McDonald’s for dinner?!” 

“Because Osita, I swear I know you better than I know myself.” 

After some quick touch ups and a call to Chucho to say goodnight to your daughters before you left, you and Javi were on the road, happily enjoying your McDonald’s and taking turns picking your favorite Fleetwood Mac songs to jam out to, spending your ride debating what songs they’d play, reminiscing about the songs you loved, and singing at the top of your lungs, to the point you were positive you would have no voice tomorrow. 

While you hadn’t been able to keep the concert itself a secret, the one thing you had been able to hide from your husband was the fact that you had managed to get not just good, but great seats for the show. If Javi had known how much you’d spent for him on his birthday, he would have insisted on finding cheaper tickets, but if there was anyone who was deserving of getting to see his favorite band from an incredible view, it was him. 

From the moment the two of you had entered the venue, you had your tickets peeled to your chest to keep them from Javi, reassuring him that you knew where you were going, much to his dismay and insisting that working together would help you find your seats quicker. 

After a few minutes of wandering and secretly maneuvering to the right section of the stadium, you had finally found where you belonged, excitedly pulling Javi along behind you towards your seats.

“Baby, not that I don’t trust your navigation skills, but I feel like we’re down way too far in the stands. ” Javi questioned, his hand in yours as you dragged him through the crowd, looking back and forth between your ticket stub and the stadium rows to find your spots. 

“Not to burst your bubble, Jav, but my navigation skills are as on point as they ever have been.” You smirked, crossing your arms over your chest before handing him over your tickets, his face stunned and in shock as he read the small stubs of card stock, realizing you had absolutely led the both of you to the right place. 

”Happy early birthday, Javi. I know the concert itself wasn’t a surprise, but I hope that these seats are still a good one.” 

“Osita… Baby, you can’t be serious…” Javi’s jaw dropped, eyes going wide in shock, convinced you had to be joking or playing some sort of prank on him. 

“Serious as a heart attack, Jav.” 

Javi stood there speechless, tears welling in his eyes with an awestruck grin on his face, wrapping his arms around you in a tight hug before peppering your face with kisses, making you giggle and squeal in delight. 

“God, I love you so much. Thank you, Hermosa. This is… fuck, this is absolutely incredible. Thank you. I don’t- this is way more than I deserve. Thank you so much.” 

Your heart swelled at the boyish grin spread across Javi’s face as he looked out at the view in front of him, knowing that if you could give your husband the world in his pocket, you would in a heartbeat, but to see his excitement over some seats at a concert would do just fine. 

“You’re so welcome, baby. You do deserve it. You deserve it more than anyone I know. You are the most amazing, wonderful husband and dad. If I could get you up there on stage with Stevie Nicks, I would, because that’s what you deserve.” 

“I think the last thing anyone needs is to hear me even attempt to sing.” 

“The girls love it when you sing to them.” 

“That’s because they don’t know any better. Give it a few more years and I’m sure they’ll be begging me to stop.” 

“What they know won’t hurt ‘em,” you laughed, giving Javi a playful shrug, “Also, the other part of this gift is that I am driving us home from the concert, so you can have as much fun as you want.” 

“Baby, you don’t have to-” 

“I can and I will,” You sassed defiantly, cutting Javi off before he could oppose your offer, “You always drive so I can have a good time, and you deserve to have time to let loose, too. So, with that being said, I am going to go get us drinks. Drunk Javi is one of my favorite Javi’s and I don’t get to see him very often. Okay?” 

“Okay. Thanks, Hermosa. I love you.” 

“I love you too, Jav. Now, what do you want to drink?” 

“Surprise me.” He laughed, giving you a quick kiss and a subtle smack on your ass as you walked past him to make your way back to the concession stand. “Drunk Javi is really one of your favorites?” 

“Absolutely. Drunk Javi loves to dance. Drunk Javi also gets very sweet and a little handsy, both of which I am more than okay with.” 

A few drinks deep and the opening bands finished, Javi, or better yet, Drunk Javi, was having the absolute time of his life. For as fun and goofy Javi was at home with you and the girls, it was few and far between that the former DEA agent found himself intoxicated out in public with a case of dancing shoes and uncontrollable giggles. 

“God, I’m having so much fun. Are you having fun, Hermosa? You’re the best wife ever, you know that?” Javi grinned, wrapping his arm around your waist as he pecked a sloppy kiss onto your cheek before taking another sip of his beer. 

“Glad to know you don’t have a secret wife who you like better than me.” You teased, giving him a little nudge and giggling at his drunken state, a little surprised when all of a sudden his face turned serious, setting down his beer to cup your jaw with his palms and forcing his gaze on his. 

“Baby, you know I would never ever do that, right? I literally love you so much. You and the girls are my whole world. I think I would rather die than be with anyone else besides you. No, I know I would rather die than be with anyone else. You are literally perfect.” Javi pleaded, his concerned, big, brown puppy dog eyes making your heart melt. 

“Yes, Mr. Dramatic, I know you would never have a secret wife, but thank you for your very adamant confirmation.” You giggled, pressing up on your tiptoes to give him another kiss, washing the worry away from the concerned furrow of his brow. “You are such a goofball. I love you so much too, Jav. I promise, I’m not going anywhere either. Well, actually, that’s a lie. I do need to go to the bathroom before Fleetwood Mac comes on, but I will be right back.” 

“Okay, mi amor. I’ll be right here when you get back.” Javi nodded adamantly, knowing in his drunken state he would be taking his job of not leaving your seats very seriously until you safely returned. 

“I know you will, Javi. I’ll be quick, okay? Need anything when I’m gone? Besides another drink?” 

“How did you know I was gonna say I needed another drink?” Javi asked in complete shock, like you had just showed him the world’s most inconceivable magic trick. 

“I’d say the almost empty bottle was a good clue.” You winked, giving his arm a little squeeze before shimmying your way through the row of seats and up the stairs to find the nearest bathroom and concession stand. 

Normally, Javi wasn’t one to strike up small talk with strangers just for the fun of it, but with his lowered inhibitions, he couldn’t help but find himself turning to the group of women seated next to him to kill the time before you came back from the bathroom. 

“Have you guys seen Fleetwood Mac before?” Javi shrugged, finishing the last bit of beer at the bottom of his bottle. 

“Yeah, we’ve seen them a few times! They’re really good live!” One of the women responded, her friends nodding in agreement. 

“I’ve seen ‘em before too, but this is my wife and I’s first time seeing them together. She got me the tickets for my birthday, but she surprised me with how good these seats were. She’s amazing.” Javi beamed, subtly nodding his head to the music playing in the background between sets. 

“Awh, that’s so sweet!” One of the other women chimed in, the three women laughing to themselves at how drunk and awestruck Javi was over you. 

“It is. I hope they play Everywhere. It’s our favorite song by them. We played it at our wedding when she walked down the aisle and I bawled like a baby. She looked so beautiful. Who am I kidding? She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met. Like, ever.” Javi’s grin was growing wider by the second, staring off into the distance as he rambled on about you. 

“Oh my goodness, you are so cute. She’s a lucky lady.” The women smiled, incredibly entertained by everything Javi had to say. 

“No. I’m the lucky one.” Javi responded, stone cold serious as he pointed to himself, finger poking his chest. “Have you seen her? She’s so pretty. And she married me! And on top of that, we have a family, too! Can you believe it?!” 

“With how in love with her you seem to be, I 100% can. How many kids do you have?” 

“3 daughters. Lucy is 5, Elliot just turned 3, and Harper is 7 months old.” Javi counted on his fingers, holding up 3 to represent each of his girls. “I love them so much. Being a dad is like, the most coolest thing ever. And she’s such a good mom. They’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” 

“Hey, Chatterbox.” You laughed, gently tapping Javi on the shoulder, trying not to startle him as he turned around, beaming from ear to ear at your presence. “Here is your drink and- oh!” 

“Osita! I missed you.” Javi swallowed the rest of your sentence in his mouth with a strong kiss, pulling away to greet you with a goofy grin, followed by a confused frown. “Wait, where did you go?” 

“Oh boy, we’re gonna have to pick some Gatorade and Tylenol up on the way home, aren’t we? I was just going to the bathroom, remember? And to get you another drink, silly goose.” You giggled, holding out his beer for him. 

“Oh shit. I should probably go to the bathroom, too. Do you think I have enough time to go? I don’t wanna miss anything with you!” Javi questioned frantically, realizing he definitely had not utilized the bathroom to the extent he probably should have. 

“You should be fine, babe. The lines were pretty short, so if you hurry I’m sure you’ll be back in plenty of time.” You reassured him. 

“Phew, okay, I can go fast, no problem. I’ll be right back, hermosa.” Carefully taking back his beer as he handed it off to you, Javi quickly scrambled through the crowd to follow the path you had just returned from, leaving you laughing to yourself and shaking your head. 

“We just wanted to let you know, your husband is absolutely adorable.” One of the women furthest away from you piped up, catching your attention. 

“Oh, um, thank you?” You replied, tilting your head in confusion. 

“That man is utterly obsessed with you. I think he had more nice things to say about you in 30 seconds to a group of strangers than any of my exes ever did combined.” 

“Girl, not to mention he is handsome. You are one lucky woman. Who knew it would take a stranger in love at a Fleetwood Mac concert to once again raise the bar for men.” 

“Wow, uh, thank you. That’s really nice of you. I’m not gonna lie, he’s pretty darn great.” You blushed, trying to keep your smile from spreading too wide at their compliments for Javi over his affection for you. 

“Of course. We won’t bother you anymore, but figured you’d like to know that your man is still head over heels for you. Enjoy the rest of the concert!” 

“Thanks, you guys too!” You smirked, your eyes darting down towards your feet to hide the red glow of your cheeks, your heart bursting with warmth from the fact that even in his drunken state, you found yourself falling harder and harder for Javi every day. 

Suddenly, the lights around the stage began to dim, the roar of the crowd overtaking the stadium, signaling Fleetwood Mac were only moments away from taking the stage. Instinctively, you peeked your head behind you through the crowd to look for Javi, relieved when you saw his broad figure hustling down the stairs, waving at you with a goofy grin the whole way. 

"I was worried I was gonna have to come find you before the show started!” You sighed, grabbing Javi’s face and giving his cheeks a playful squeeze before giving him a quick peck on the lips. 

“Osita, you know I wouldn’t miss this for the world.” 

Any high hopes that you had for the show were surpassed, and then some. The band played all of your favorites, the both of you singing and dancing along, probably making complete fools of yourselves, but you couldn’t care less. 

You were particularly impressed with Javi’s over dramatic stomping and air drumming to “The Chain” to kick off the show, having to grab his beer to keep it from spilling all over himself several times throughout his performance. Although incredibly offbeat, Javi's enthusiasm made up for any drunken lack of rhythm throughout the song.

The both of you couldn’t help but shout along to “I Don’t Wanna Know” at the top of your lungs, painfully off key and obnoxiously loud, Javi reaching down to grab your finger, wrapping his hands around it to use as his own makeshift microphone for the entire duration of the song. 

During “Landside”, you found Javi standing behind you, chest pressed to your back and arms wrapped around you as you swayed back and forth, gently wiping your tears and choking back his own as he whispered in your ear how lucky he was to build his life around you and your girls, mumbling something about how if any of the girls get married and pick this song to do a father daughter dance to, he’d be an absolute mess. 

By the end of the concert, you and Javi were both exhausted, giving every last ounce of energy to “Go Your Own Way”, the crowd erupting with thunderous applause as the show came to a close, lights flashing and confetti exploding from the ends of the stage in an array of bright colors in the same way your heart felt like it was exploding with joy from the incredible time you had with Javi. 

Over the cheers and hollers, Javi leaned in, cupping your cheek in his palm, the other arm wrapped around your waist pulling you closer to his chest, capturing you in a kiss that seemed to make time stop and everyone else disappear, feeling like in that moment, no one else existed but the two of you. 

“I love you so much, Osita.” 

”I love you too, Javi.”

“Tonight was- Oh shit, hold on,” Javi paused, letting out a long, low burp, a signature Drunk Javi move, placing his hand over his chest and letting out a long sigh before speaking again, “Sorry, that felt good. Wait, what was I saying again?” 

“That you had a lot of fun. I think it’s time that we get you home, cowboy.” You couldn’t help but snort at his impressive display of flatulence, wrapping your arm around his waist as you walked with the flow of the crowd departing from the stadium, hand patting his hip in reassurance. 

It wasn’t until you began to try and travel up the stairs and through the sea of concert goers that you realized just how drunk Javi was. While wrapping your arm around his hip had started off as a sweet gesture to help guide him in the right direction to leave, you began to worry that you were going to have to try and keep him up until the two of you got to the car. 

Thankfully, your humming, happy as can be Javi made it to your parking spot, breaking free of your grasp to race to your car, tugging at the driver’s side door with profound confusion at it’s locked state. 

“Hermosa! The car is locked! How are we gonna get home if we can’t get in?” Javi fretted, tugging harder at the door handle. 

“I have the keys, baby, don’t worry.” You laughed, reaching into your purse to unlock the truck’s doors, sending Javi stumbling backwards as the driver’s side swung open from his last tug at the handle. “Also, you are on the wrong side there, pendejo. I’m driving home, remember?” 

“Oh fuck, you are! I was gonna say, I think I’m a lil drunk. I probably shouldn’t drive.” Javi grimaced, quickly scampering to the other side of the car as you unlocked it, laughing as you watched him squeeze into the passenger set that was clearly set for your stature and not his. 

“I think you might be more than just a little drunk, baby.” You corrected, clicking in your seatbelt and firing up the ignition, peeling out of your parking spot. 

“Yeah, I’m a lot a bit drunk. I’m sorry, Osita.” He pouted, slumping his face in his hand, elbow resting on the center console. 

“Jav, why on earth would you possibly be sorry?” You frowned, wondering what Javi had to apologize for. 

“I’m sorry I’m so drunk and now you have to drive me home.” 

“Baby, I’m glad that you decided to get drunk. I wanted you to have a good time! Number one, you’re always driving me home whenever I wanna have fun and number two, it’s your birthday, and you deserve to let loose and have as much fun as you want to. Don’t apologize, okay?” You smiled, gently grabbing your hand in his and giving it a little squeeze, instantly flooding his face with relief. 

“Okay. I’m sorry I talked to those ladies sitting by us earlier while you were going to the bathroom, too. I was just trying to be nice. I just wanted to tell them how excited I was to see Fleetwood Mac with you, and how beautiful and amazing and perfect you are, and that you’re the best wife ever.” 

“I know Jav, it’s okay. I didn't even think twice about it. They were very sweet, and said you had lots of nice things to say about me and the girls. It was very cute.” You smirked, lifting your interlocked hands to your lips to plant a kiss on his knuckles, giving it an even tighter squeeze of reassurance in the process. 

At this point, Javi had practically melted into the passenger seat, limbs spread out as wide as he could to try and get comfortable, tilting his head towards you with a mischievous grin and sparkle in his chocolate brown eyes. 

“You know what we should do when we get home?” Javi asked, now biting down on his lip to try and subdue his smirk. 

“I don’t know Javi, what should we do?” You responded back mockingly. 

“We shoulddddddddd....” He paused, dancing in his seat in excitement.

“We shoulddddddd, what, baby?” You sighed, laughing to yourself at his drunken goofiness. 

“We shouldddddd throw away your birth control and make another baby when we get home tonight.” Now Javi was full on beaming in an ear to ear grin, raising his eyebrows at you as he crossed his arms over his chest, trying to find any way to warm you up to his intoxicated acquisition. 

“Javi! We talked about this!” You scolded, giving him a playful slap to his chest, doing nothing to wipe his stupidly wide smirk off his face. “4 kids is a lot of kids. At least one of us can have a spare hand with 3, even if we’re outnumbered. I think 3 is the magic number, babe.” 

“I knowwwww, but making babies with you is like, the best thing ever. If you asked me to list my favorite things to do, that would be number one, no question.” Javi protested, convinced that this argument alone would be enough of a selling point for you. 

“Believe me, you’re not wrong, Jav. It’s a ten out of ten pastime, but even if I stopped taking my birth control tonight, I don't think it would happen, ya goof.” 

“Crazier things have happened. Maybe we'd just get really lucky. Our daughters are so cute. I know it’s unfair to say because they’re our kids, but like, we make some cute fuckin’ babies, Hermosa. What if we made another super cute baby? Just like, one more?” At this point, Javi had broken out his signature pout and big baby cow eyes, looking at you like a stray puppy who had been kicked to the curb. 

“Another adorable baby means I’m gonna have to build up my immunity to those sweet, sad, puppy dog eyes even more, and I honestly don’t know if I’m strong enough. I don’t know how all 3 of the girls ended up with your big brown eyes, but I hope you know it’s killing me slowly because of how frickin’ cute they are.” You sighed in defeat, knowing that your willpower with 3 sets of Javi’s mini-me’s was already low enough, let alone adding a 4th pair to the mix. 

“Soooooooooo it’s a maybe?” 

“Oh my god, you are so bad, Javier Jesus Peña.” 

“That’s not a yes or a no, Osita.” 

“....Maybe. But don’t get your hopes up, okay?” 

“So we’re not not gonna make a baby tonight?” 

“Javi, I love you, baby, but with how much you’ve had to drink, I don’t think nature is going to give you enough grace to even let that possibility play out.” You snorted, gesturing down to his crotch, making him roll his eyes. 

“Okay, that only happened one other time!” Javi sloppily pointed at you, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Yeah, when you were absolutely hammered after Steve’s 40th birthday party and wouldn’t let me put you to bed until you could prove to me that you did not, in fact, get whiskey dick, to which you fell asleep with your hands down your pants sitting in the guest room chair, unable to prove your point.” 

“That was not my proudest moment, I will admit that. Most of the time, I’m pretty good at sex, though.” Javi retorted, trying to bring himself back from your last point made. 

“Yes, Jav, you’re very good at sex.” You agreed, patting him on the leg and rubbing his thigh. 

“So good…. That we should make another baby tonight when we get home.” 

“Oh my god.” 

“I’m just saying!” 

“Jesus Christ, you goof. I think when we get home, someone needs to drink some water and get into bed. I love you very much, but that’s about as far as we’re getting tonight.” You laughed, rustling the messy curls of his hair as he leaned his head to rest against your shoulder. 

Javi sat silent for a moment, watching the headlights of the cars flash through his window, staring into the serene darkness of the clear night sky, the familiar warmth of his body pressed against yours in a comfortable calm. It was almost as if you could feel his eyelids beginning to droop, slowly closing while his sleepy state washed over him as he nestled against you. And while in that moment, the air between you hung quiet, you could hear the silent agreement that if given the choice, there was nowhere else you’d rather be than right here, right now, with each other. 

“Hey, Hermosa?” 

“Yeah, Jav?” 

“I love you.” 

“I love you, too.” 

“....Enough that we should make another baby tonight?” 

“Javi!”

Taglist:

@chaotic-iguana @rhoorl @bbiophiliaa @pertinentpostmortem @angelofsmalldeath-codeine

@pedrobaby @fatima-marisa @beboldbebravethings @poodlebae @kittenlittle24

@3sriracha @jungchloee @perennialdoll247 @prettyinpunk85

@partyofone3413 @harriedandharassed @pedrohoe04 @theorganasolo

@endlessthxxghts @beware-my-thorns @missladym1981 @milly-louise

@jay-zzle @the-one-with-the-grey-color @persephone-girl @bitchesuntitled

@pedropascallvr @millennial-teenybopper r @nastiasnow @vee-bees-blog

@hopplessilse @mxtokko @its-nebuleuse @mandoisapunk @msmorningstaarr

@amyispxnk @honeyedmiller @mountainsandmayhem @picketniffler @burningnerdchild

@copperhalfcent @theoraekenslover @bloodyinspirationaldemon @vee-bees-blog

@samgirl4life @pigeonmama @survivingandenduring @itsokbbygrl @javierpena-inatacvestnotifs

[tsumuus]

mha boys as american high school teenage stereotypes

a/n this isn't an original idea, ik that, but this is just my take on it. also lowk just based off of ppl ik irl but also just really similar to the actual character. also these are really short n simple, my brain wasn't able to think any further

characters katsuki bakugou, shoto todoroki, izuku midoriya, eijiro kirishima, denki kaminari, hanta sero, tenya iida, hitoshi shinsho

masterlist

katsuki bakugou

not just saying this bc he's my fav

but quite literally the most popular person at school

like hes handsome, athletic, smart, rich, all of the above, no one could ever compare

everybody would have a crush on him (shit i would too)

or hate him

no in between

but he's still very intimidating so he doesn't have a lot of friends and has a heard time making em

not saying he's a playboy or anything

but definitely gets hella attention from girls

but he is more often than not uninterested

he would play football no doubt, run track/shot put during his off season to stay fit

not a douchebag but he totally comes off as one

shoto todoroki

he's the loser, the loner

actually jk, bc i really don't believe anyone is a loner

theres gotta be someone he talks too

hes that smart kid whos schedule is filled w ap n honors classes

and his only friends would be classmates that hes not super close w so they never talk outside of school (me lol)

hes rich rich

def plays tennis or golf, school and club

he's THE hallway crush

especially for like underclassmen

he just gives off that mysterious vibe that makes girls fall for him

not to mention he is sooooo pretty

like it's not a secret that he is attractive

but he's never had a gf or even a situationship in his life

idek

izuku midoriya

teachers pet 100% lol

not the smartest but also not dumb

like definitely top 20% of his class

i feel like he would take part in a lot of extracurriculars

he's not popular at all

but has a small group of close friends

so so sassy

like imagine arguing w him about a random subject

and you just start to piss him off

he just puts you on blast and starts embarrassing the hell out of you

making you feel hella stupid

he doesn't do it to be mean or anything

he's just a sassy lil guy idk

sassy man apocalypse!!

eijiro kirishima

social butterfly

friends with everyone

but not like a floater friend

but literally just everyones friend

like he's so genuine and is able to get along with everybody

sooo loyal

always has the best advice

definition of boyfriend material!!!

probably has had a long term gf

he takes his relationships n friendhsips so seriously

definitely plays multiple sports

idk i see him as a wrestler or even like gymnastics lol

lowk imagine him apart of the schools student council or leadership club

fully goes out for football games/friday night lights

denki kaminari

class clown fs

also lowk rlly flirty but has never had a gf or even come close

like such a ladies man

thats just part of his personality

most of his friends are girls but not in a weird way

he's the life of the party

lowk one of the only characters i can see myself having a smoke sesh w lol

big party goer

theres a house party being thrown

best believe he's there

he's not the brightest of the bunch

but he does try, its not like hes lazy

he's also so pretty

deff one of those guys w the longest eyelashes than any girl lol

lowk tennis player!denki?

also sorta see him as a swimmer/waterpolo

hanta sero

he is just so friendly

lowk a npc

but i still love him

he's so laid back and chill and has such a relaxed personality

like if you'd ever need to just have a calm night/hang out with one of your friends, he's the first person youd call

has had mulitple gfs, but def not a player

they just never seem to workout

would start a bs club with his friends so every other week they could just order a couple pizzas to school and hang out in the chill teachers class

idk i feel like hes kinda artsy

like he took art 1 his freshman year just for an easy a and schedule requirements, but he realized he was actually kinda creative

likes to doodle in class rather than pay attention now

lowk plays basketball

big car guy!!

tenya iida

THE honor student

number 1 in his class

5.0 gpa

student council persident all 4 years of high school

friend group is made up of all the other nerds who take 10+ ap classes

definitely got into multiple colleges before even applying

definitely not just saying this because of his quirk, but would lowk do track n xc

everything ive said so far i legit just his normal self😭😭😭 lemme try to get more specific

lowk imagine an iida where like outside of school he's lowk a partier

like imagine him getting blackout drunk every weekend but sobering up for school every week

and still being the best student in his grade

he's just so handsome

multiple girls have liked him but he's rejected them due to wanting to have his life set in place before thinking about romance

hitoshi shinso

he's so fucking emo just look at him

ok well not emo but just a little alternative

but yk in an american high school being a little alt means other people see you as full out gothic

so what if he's just a little quiet and brooding☹️☹️

again he's also smart

but he doesn't take all those honor classes

he wouldn't admit it but his favorite genre to watch is reality tv

best believe he was fully invested in season 6 of love island

#ppgbackontop

not an athletic guy

but was definitely forced to like play soccer or sum as a kid

works at your local comic/record store

all the emo girls that come in have a crush on him

thats all i got😫

[sixosix]

thinking of childhood friend lyney 🧘‍♀️ with a bit of possessive lyney 🧘‍♀️ like you've been by his and lynette's side for as long as he can remember you are his !! lynette kicks his shin everytime he dramatically leans on you after not seeing you for two hours

this isn't rlly written just a bunch of word vomit bc my brain is rotting anon i love you i love this bless you and your brain

Childhood friend Lyney unable to keep himself away from you because he just has to be there the way he’s always been…

Lynette tells you that she doesn’t see him turning that way if it weren’t for you—like Lyney’s brain got rewired to fit you in his life, and what an effect you had. Lynette is almost embarrassed having to go out in public, and Lyney follows you around like some lovesick puppy, momentarily forgetting about his significant reputation.

He’s the type to say, “Wow, I’m so honored you thought of me and ordered my favorite food. You know what it is? I love you so much.” And you’re like, “I was the one who introduced you to this dish.”

Please also think about the way it’s so natural for Lyney to curl up against you. Sitting on the couch? Lyney’s head is on your lap, either diligently practicing cards or listening as you read the book in your hands out loud. Or sleeping. He often argues that your warmth is the best comfort he could find himself sleeping in—and it just goes to show how comfortable he is with you.

You can just be standing, and Lyney will be there. He’d have his arms around your waist and his chin on your shoulder, watching silently as you flick through paperwork.

And that’s another thing: you’re one of the very few ones who witness Lyney when he isn’t blabbing his mouth trying to keep your attention on him. You’re one of the few who know that he’s much more quiet when he’s out of his leather gloves and top hat. He’s quieter, yes, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t draped over you somehow when he is. The quieter, the clingier.

Another thing is whenever anyone tries to talk to you, and god forbid tries anything, they’d suddenly be all too aware of Lyney’s eyes, and they start sweating. The magician usually keeps a friendly smile, but they’d see Lyney’s piercing gaze instead, as if daring anyone to come and take you from him. No one can. Lyney can be terrifying when he wants to be.

Everyone assumes that you’re dating when they see you and Lyney, which is exactly what he wants. No one would approach you with the intent of trying anything—they’d hate to mess with Lyney. Who knows what tricks he has up his sleeves???

It certainly doesn’t help that you spoil him rotten, too. If Lyney asks for a kiss, you’d kiss him all over his face and leave him a mess of a puddle. If Lyney asks for your attention, you’d cup his cheeks and look him right in the eye, often enough to leave him flustered—he can never get used to the way you look at him. You’re really the only one who can do that…

It’s like every time he sees you he falls a little harder. Which is hard to mess with because there’s nothing he loves more than his eyes and hands on you. Like puzzle pieces.

Lyney doesn’t even remember the exact moment you became a part of his life. It was like he could look back and just picture you laughing by his side, and the numerous times he thought to himself that he wouldn’t ever let you go. (and he never did actually lol)

[fae-morrigan]

hi…I was thinking about your jay/damian step-brothers au (I hope I got the right blog bc I searched through your blog and didn’t find anything but like I’m so sure it was you), but anyway…any scraps you have about this au that you can share…pleaseee

like their initial reactions and whether or not this is something Damian would flaunt, or anything else you have 🙏

How about a little more than just some scraps? For you, my lovely anon, who asked about the thing I've been circling in my brain for WEEKS?!

Sara and Talia get together when Damian isn't born yet. It starts as just a convenience thing, putting aside their nasty breakup as college students to raise their kids with a more unified/powerful house. And then of course they re-catch their feelings and their marriage becomes For Love.

Jay, who's of course around 6 (and just lost his other mom) thinks Damian is a very ugly baby. He comes around eventually.

Sara and Talia's respective influence on their sons ends up changing a lot about these two in this AU.

For one, Jay, like Damian, is trained from combat from childhood, and ends up taking a specialty in bladed weapons (where Damian is more of a jack of all trades). He ends up also being a lot less shy and even is actively assertive even before the experiments, making him a bit of an oddball in Gamorra (which retains Japan's culture of politeness) but also a bit of a leader. He ends up taking after Talia in terms of her strategic cunning when it comes to people, more than willing to pluck a person out of the crowd if he thinks they have a shared goal.

Meanwhile, with Sara's influence (specifically kicking Ra's to the curb immediately because only son boy allowed and Gamorra MORE than has the resources to tell him to shove it) Damian has a much more... Normal isn't the word, but happy is, childhood. They still have their grand political goals that these two are being raised to help realize, but Gamorra has a huge culture of 'it takes a village' when it comes to kids and so from the start Damian sees himself less as the top of a lateral hierarchy and more a leading part of a grander horizontal convoy.

(I'll elaborate a bit on Ra's in a later post once I pin down Jon & Nika in this au. Stay tuned!)

The fall of Gamorra goes, somehow, even worse. Talia and Sara in this au are not above rigging the election to make sure Bendix, Least Obvious American Plant Ever, doesn't win and take control of all their combined assets, except Bendix decides an election is for suckers and in this au just straight up stages a coup with American backing. Both Talia and Sara get captured: Sara gets taken first, with Talia and Jay getting captured together while ensuring Damian escapes to Bruce.

Damian's first meeting with Bruce in this au is not precipitated by his final birthday victory over Talia- In this AU, they never played that game at all, as Damian had zero interest in ever knowing his father (why dad when perfectly good two moms?). Rather, its precipitated by being the only survivor of his family when imperialism came knocking.

He still becomes Robin, and he still has an arc around learning the true power of violence and Why Killing Is Bad, but its with a different set of challenges: Rather than trying to help Damian unlearn his arrogance and deep-rooted trained violence, Bruce has to help Damian overcome his survivors guilt. Part of Damian's motivation for staying Robin and becoming the strongest is to save his mothers and his brother here.

He hates the other bats even more at first, here. They're not Jay, so why bother? His brother is gone.

Jay's story also goes almost the same but with slight differences- He still finds the revs, and still founds The Truth, and still sets out on a quest to exploit and destroy Bendix, but....

Everyone he exposes in The Truth's pages as helping Bendix's regime? Yeah, he kills them. With a sword.

(Also he's a bit of an arrogant dickhead here because he immediately gets to the revs and decides it is HE who is in charge. Dont worry, they soften him up a bit.)

The plot of this au formally kicks off when Robin (Damian), during the We Are Robin arc (which plays out almost entirely the same) gets wise to a string of mysterious murders that has seemingly migrated from Metropolis to Gotham.

I'm really proud of these designs btw, lol. Jay's especially.

Thanks for asking! I'll have more on this AU soon and will absolutely accept any more questions you guys have.

[surr3al1sm]

My Brezziana & Jack (best) friends headcanons

I've had these in my brain for a hot second now (aka ever since I saw them interact bc I was like 'yup besties') but it's time for the world (tumblr) to know.

Everythings below the cut bc there are a lot.

My headcanons about the type of duo they are:

🧡 A true ^^ (Brezz) & :| (Jack) character trope duo

🌹 Brezziana is an extrovert and Jack is an introvert (which automatically makes them even better friends)

🧡 Brezziana has a very high social battery while Jack has a very low social battery.

🌹 Brezziana is an optimist while Jack is a pessimist, but they always manage to find a middle ground.

🧡 Brezziana is a heavy yapper and Jack just sits there and listens.

My headcanons about what their (best) friendship looks like, they start silly but they get more funky at the end:

🌹 One of Brezziana's main love languages is physical affection, while Jack dislikes (I wouldn't say hates but he could live without it) it. Eventually they managed to find a compromise where Brezziana is allowed to offer him a high five daily and a hug once every two days (unless Jack instigates it first)

🧡 Brezziana will send Jack her entire feed, and he takes time out of his day to look at everything and respond to it/like it. Jack rarely sends her anything but when he does she responds within minutes.

🌹 Whenever they're ordering food Jack will say he's not hungry, so Brezziana orders him something anyways. So whenever the food comes out she's just like "Oh but what's this quarterpounder with cheese doing in my pocket?"

🧡 Brezziana encourages Jack to be more confident outside his preformances. (This one I got from @mimikyuu-x so thanks pooks)

🌹 Brezziana always cooks (more cultural) dishes she likes or has been wanting to try whenever Jack's around because she knows he'll at least try them since eveything is better than the bland food they serve at the Swan Tower.

🧡 The only language they have in common is English, but the second someone pisses them off they start roasting them to each other in their respective languages. They don't speak a lick of each others language but understand every word that's said.

🌹 Brezziana's apartment is very brightly decorated, so whenever Jack comes around she dims or turns off all overhead lights to make everything more bearable for him (he grew up as a sad black-and-pink baby, he isn't used to all that colour).

🧡 When they hang out they tend to partake in some sort of active activity (like dancing). Brezziana is just happy to have someone that can keep up with her, and Jack is relieved he doesn't spend time with her in ways his mother would consider useless (he doesn't see it as useless activities himself, but hearing the same opinion about stuff like that your entire life does something to a man).

🌹 Jack has a little voice in his head (specifically Night Swan's voice) thats constantly criticing his every move, and Brezziana is slowly trying to chip away at this by constantly giving him compliments and telling him he's doing a great job.

Jezus christ this is another long ass post. Honestly, if you came this far: I thank you for listening to me yap for so long. I hope you enjoyed my head canons and maybe you even agree with some.

[eowynstwin]

same anon who sent the ask abt price: MW3's writing was embarrassing tbh. i agree 100% that narratively, its the most logical and sensible for price to be the one who takes the fall. what you wrote i flat out completely agree with, and its deeply disappointing that we are stuck with an extremely poorly written and rushed story. the game was a hot steamy pile. everyone was slightly out of character, they all growled their lines like mad dogs, and the missions were ass. i cant believe no one talks about the mission where you get anti arab hate crimed. what was that??? what was the reason??? (the only thing i liked about that game were the 9 minutes of nikolai. i just find him entertaining.) i was replaying mw2019 while super high and got to the mission where you threaten the butchers wife and son and just thought to myself; that lady and that kid are gonna have nightmares about price for the rest of their lives. that room is going to come back to them again and again and again. they literally did nothing wrong except the crime of being the butchers family. what price and gaz did is never going to leave them, and gaz was right to question price on that. of course, the game doesn't care at all. they're disposable NPCS for a shock value scene. i dunno, the fact that the game doesn't really give a fuck, and seemingly even condones what happened, just kinda hit different and i had to put the game down for the evening. i guess that hit at that moment bc i had also read a fic a bit earlier where the reader was price's civvy gf and gets kidnapped by his enemies. it bent my brain a bit bc, the thing in the fic is literally a canon event perpetuated by price, portrayed as a good thing by the source material, that now price is the victim of. it was a very weird feeling for my weed addled brain to try and process. think i blue screened actually. i wanna put price in a jar and shake him vigorously. pin him to a board like a entomology insect. i want to bite him. i do love him i swear. but maybe make him actually face a single real consequence for his war crimes? (disappointing that it will never happen on screen bc these games are all gas no breaks outright propaganda. not to mention real war crimes are happening constantly in front of everyone's eyes and going completely unpunished) sorry this is really long, i have no one to talk to abt these games and i dont understand my feelings toward that British man

Yeah. The thing about Price is that he's not a good person in the slightest. We write fiction about the kind of man he can be--the best version of himself, a version we can all stomach--but the real Price is distinct from that, and the best people in this fandom recognize that.

Soap and Ghost have some plausible deniability simply because we haven't seen them doing anything other than action movie stuff. Gaz is on the road to becoming Price--Price is doing his damndest to turn Gaz into himself--but he isn't there yet. (@391780 did a GREAT analysis of the driving scene in mw19 and how Price subtly manipulates Gaz, but I can't find it.)

EDIT: Early kindly provided.

We, as the audience, are not actually supposed to worry that much about the Butcher's family, because Price is one of the Good Guys who would never let something Bad actually happen. Infinity Ward does not take the Butcher's family seriously, and does not want us to take the family seriously, because they are just a convenient vehicle with which to move the plot along. Their presence is, in the end, shock value. We are meant to stare, wide-eyed, wondering is Price really going to go that far? while in the back of our minds knowing of course he's not, because he's our hero. He's just doing whatever it takes. The family is not meant to be anything other than fodder for Price's characterization.

Same with Samara. We are not supposed to care all that much about her, personally--we're supposed to marvel over Makarov's canny brutality, his bRiLLiANcE in recognizing the obvious fact that an Arab woman would make a perfect scapegoat for a plane bombing. Samara does not matter to MW3. Only the shocking way she dies. None of these Arab characters matter to Call of Duty--only the entertainment value of their pain.

Not to put too fine a point on it, but I am reminded of when Price threw a man restrained into a bomb jacket off a balcony, with not a shred of remorse afterword. I'm forced to ask the question--who would Price scapegoat, then, if he felt justified enough?

And yeah, he's never going to suffer the consequences of his actions, because Infinity Ward doesn't think he's actually done anything wrong. We throw the word propaganda around a lot without actually defining it, but Price is emblematic of how the propaganda of Call of Duty works. Price does something reprehensible, and is shown to be justified in doing it--implying that real men like him are justified, too, because don't you understand how little choice Price had? Don't you get that there's no good choice to be made? This is how he has to act, and this is how all soldiers have to act, because war is a dirty business, and someone needs to be willing to do it for the benefit of the ignorant public.

The question of why any of this should be happening at all is never asked.

[x-liv25-jamieswife]

avery and xander head canons

i've never done this before. hope you guys actually like these (my anxious overthinking brain tells me people will hate it but anyways). if you guys like the hcs and would like more or have suggestions, i'd be happy to take requests (i have nothing to do with my life)

they blast london boy whenever jameson is around ever since it was revealed he's half british

avery and him will spend hours talking about all the wild experiments he's done and funny stories she has from when she was younger

xander makes her funny/cute gadgets and hides them in her room for her to find

avery and him will spend hours just gossiping while watching netflix and doing face masks

xander and her talk shit about people they hate

they're always coming up with ways to prank grayson (they once replaced his entire closet full of suits with lingerie)

when they attended the eras tour (cause they most definitely did), xander fake proposed to her during love story.

they made friendship bracelets

they also had so much fun singing the rep set

ok this one isn't really a xander and avery head cannon but the hawthornes and their girlfriends (+rebecca, thea) has a blast singing anti hero bc of that one verse with the funeral.

they also teased grayson when shake it off started playing

during the vigilante shit performance, xander grabbed a chair and tried to recreate the dance. he forced avery to join along (jameson was simping so hard in the corner)

they also made bets on the surprise songs

last eras tour one, they had so much fun singing bad blood thinking about eve, tobias, sheffield grayson, etc (grayson was secretly also vibing to the song in the background happy that eve got what she deserved (although i believe she deserved worse))

on the day of her wedding with jameson, xander gave her a blueberry scone (his favorite) for the first time to celebrate her officially becoming part of the family

once avery got a slew of hate comments on this one post bc people thought she looked ugly and xander (and jameson) responded and reported every single one of them. xander also came up with the wildest insults you could ever imagine

although xander could literally never hate anyone, he hates anyone who ever does or says anything wrong to avery

sometimes when she's feeling slightly insecure but doesn't want to admit, xander hypes her up like crazy (jameson too)

sometimes avery will go sit in xanders lab whilst he works on his gadgets and reads. he always feels so loved whenever she does this

xander once had a panic attack on his way to an event, and avery cheered him up by ditching the event and bringing him to a bakery to buy scones. they then headed home and watched rom-coms.

they make each other playlists

they love waking each other up in the weirdest ways (xander once woke her up by reading her smut)

they ask each other relationship advice.

xander sometimes gets in this mood where he's convinced everyone secretly hates him. avery always makes him feel better by making scones with super weird flavors.

they once had a fanfic writing competition. avery won bc she wrote smut and xander wasn't expecting it (xander thought it was so good he posted it)

xander once walked in on avery getting dressed. he got so embarrassed he started banging into everything and stuttering. avery likes to tease him about it from time to time. (she wasn't even completely naked, but he was still traumatized)

sometimes when they're at events, they'll sit in the corner and talk about the people there (for example, they'll pick one person and try to figure out how many kids they have, if they're married, etc). xander also has all the tea you could possibly wish for when it comes to the guests (no one knows how he obtains it).

xander knows how much avery hates galas and stuff, so he always comes up with different games to play/things to talk about.

they sometimes go live together and the fans love it (they find their friendship hilarious and people always make compilations of like funny things they've said and stuff).

1/4 of these are literally just eras tour related but eh. i hope these are all original and i'm not remembering some old ones i've seen before not realizing that they've already been made. if some of these aren't, i apologize (i also apologize for any spelling mistakes, i wrote these late at night). anyways i literally love avery and xander's friendship. i actually really enjoyed making these.

i'm thinking of making head cannons for avery and each of the brothers (libby, max and Rebecca too) (maybe even thea though i don’t particularly love her).

i tried to get my friend @catapparently to help, but she came up with the weirdest things like 'xander told avery her toes were crooked so he made her a gadget to wear at night to fix them'

if anyone has requests, feel free to send them to me.

[bobtheacorn]

I've decided your tags on that post about Leo not being anyone's favorite brother are the only take I will be accepting from here on out. Galaxy brained and honestly very in character for all of them lol.

tags from this: #leo is actually Everyone's favorite brother they just all insist that he isn't bc he would be Insufferable if he found out #april asking 'whos your favorite bro' in pre-lair game interviews and don mike and raph instinctively going #'leo - WAIT I MEAN [other brother]' April being like Mhm *writing that down*. donnie makes her sign an nda

Thanks I made myself sad about it actualy dslfkjskldf

-

"Who's your favorite brother?" April asks.

Mikey answers at once, cheerfully:

"Leo." He realizes what he's said as soon as it's out of his mouth, while April is gleefully jotting the answer down on her interview notepad, her phone balanced in her other hand, recording an audio file for redundancy's sake; Mikey looks at her pleadingly, clapping both hands together. "Don't tell 'im I said that, April! I'll never live it down! Especially with the Games comin' up!"

"My lips are sealed!" she promises.

-

"Who's your favorite brother?"

"Leo," Raph says - and then laughs nervously when he actually processes the question, slumping back on the bench and folding his arms like he's trying to hide something, avoiding eye contact, "I mean! Mikey! No, no - Donnie! I mean - Raph loves all of his brothers equally…!"

"I didn't ask which one you loved more," April clarifies with amusement, rolling her eyes, "I asked which one's ya favorite. Big difference!"

"Raph doesn't have favorites," Raph asserts, "And if he did, it definitely wouldn't be Mister Always Rubs His Five Years of Victory in Our Faces!"

"Uhuh," April says, circling something in her notebook.

-

"Donnie, who's your favorite brother?"

"I refuse to answer on the grounds that anything I say can be used against me - "

"Donnie. This is a for-fun Pre-Lair Games interview."

".....Are our answers confidential?"

"Exclusively for my eyes only! I'm not gonna publicly display your answers on the fridge or anything."

"Sigh. Obviously it's Leo." Obviously, April thinks, trying to suppress her fond smile so Donnie doesn't see it and suddenly become allergic to his own Emotions. She busies herself with her notebook while Donnie pushes back and forth in his gamer chair, fingers steepled in front of him like a super villain. "He has the most consistent pro-to-con ratio, if only marginally - though that is subject to change in the next month, what with the Lair Games coming up."

"Obviously," April says, waving a hand.

Donnie narrows his eyes at her.

-

"Who's your favorite brother?"

"Aha, a trick question," Leo says smugly, "You'll have to get up earlier in the day to pull that one over on ole Leon."

"I'm not pullin' anything," April laughs.  "I'm askin' all you guys the same questions! Just tryin' t'think of some fun little headliners for the interviews and stuff, y'know? All in good fun. Now answer the question!"

"Uuh-huh. Well, it depends on the day of the week, I guess," Leo evades, shrugging.

He's playing with some fidget toy in his lap, allowing it to distract him. April is perched on the arm of the chair beside him, so she can't see his face. She folds one of her legs over the other, notepad balanced on her thigh while she taps out a rhythm with the mechanical pencil.

She can't help but tease him.

"Wanna guess who said Leo was their fav?"

She's not really gonna tell him. (That would break her NDAs.) And what it would do to his ego, she doesn't like to think - but she expects him to guess correctly, anyway. She's fully prepared to brush him off and play a little game of as if. But Leo chuckles and braces his feet on the opposite arm of the chair, pushing his shell briefly back into April's side, and says brightly, "Oh I guarantee you, I am nobody's fav. I'm too magnificent! They hate me cuz they ain't me."

Now that catches April off guard.

"Excuse me?"

Leo curls the fidget toy into his palm to touch his fingers, counting off, "Raph and Donnie both probably picked Mikey - and who can blame them, he's got all of us wrapped around his adorable little baby brother fingers. But if they picked each other, it's because Donnie actually shows up the most for Raph's missions because he loves having a Schedule, and because Raph always lets Donnie infodump at him because he likes listening to someone talk. And I know Mikey picked Donnie, because Raph always tries to smother-hen him."

"Uhuh," April says, uncertain about how she's feeling right now. This was supposed to be for laughs, but she's not laughing. Sharply, she adds, "Are you playin' with me right now?"

"I would never!" Leo says, scandalized by the very idea. He flicks the fidget toy so it swirls between his fingers, and he chuckles. "But I'm gonna play those losers like a Kazoo during the next Lair Games! What's the next question, Apricot??"

April taps her eraser against the notebook.

She doesn't have one ready.

.

[wokelander]

jesus what is with these save Leon ppl and their hard-on for mobilizing support for anti dc shit surrounding this man??? i've never seen such targeted harassment for someone writing incest fics. and there are dc creators in like my hero academia for the students😭 even seen dc outer banks and gilmore girls fics literally every single fandom has that side LMAO ??? like yeah they'll get the occasional hate ask and ppl starting discourse and shit. but never seen repeated attempts of creating a hate and harassment campaign against one specific person bc of writing dc. also bc im pretty sure i've seen other ppl write dc Leon fics but u get it the worst for some reason ?? you've suffered more than jesus fr🙏🏽 sending u so much love u don't deserve all this for writing fictional shit for a fictional man. he's not reallllll he doesn't need to be saved. i stg these ppl are absolutely batshit crazy it's not even funny. like imo it's more concerning than anyone writing incest fics bc okay u don't like it...but this isn't anything new. tumblr user wokelander is not the first person to write incest fanfic and she most certainly won't be the last. this makes me think it's ppl new to fandom spaces bc dark content is not a new phenomena. even if u delete ur blog and stop writing (pls don't i will die 😫) or they move to a different fandom, unfortunately for them incest/dc/pro-ship content isn't going anywhere! so they can be an adult and learn to curate their own online experience by muting keywords and tags or spend the rest of their miserable lives witch-hunting every dc writer they come across 🤷🏾‍♀️

sorry for the long ask i just think the hate you've gotten is so bizarre and u don't deserve it at all❤️❤️ pls don't let these ppl get in ur head❤️❤️

I’ve written in SO many different fandoms and I have gotten hate before but omg the leon girls are fucking crazy and this isn’t me trying to be like. Annoying ab it but I do genuinely believe that bc re got so much traction from re4r leon from tiktok and whatnot that it’s just brought in a load of people who are unfamiliar with re as a whole..

I’ve never written for re on tumblr but I’ve been in the fandom for years and I only used to post on ao3 and I never got backlash there? I also grew up reading weird re fanfics LMFAO so it’s like?? ok so why is this happening all of a sudden? fanfiction.net was FULL of leon being a creep when I was a kid LOL and even as a kid I had the fucking brains to scroll past shit I didn’t like? so man idek they’re just dumb

i also think it’s partially bc leon is a white guy who can do no wrong in their eyes golden retriever boyfriend who wants the best for everyone!!! nobody gets sent extreme hate for writing carlos ISTG it’s bc he’s a white boy like hello. they’re the worst!!!!

I am not the first to write dark content but like on leon tumblr I will say I wrote the first leon incest fic.. like not stepcest or pseudo cest even when u go on ao3 and put it in the tags I’m there first for actual incest 🔥🔥🔥🤣🤣🤣😊😊😊 so I guess people blame me bc now everyone writes dark content but?? they don’t? most of the re tag is full of fluff so … like I think these people see one fic and tweak out ab it and think everyone’s doing it man idk they’re so entitled there’s no point in reasoning with them it’s funny to me bc they quite literally talk like narcissistic abusers sometimes .. I say that as someone who has been thru that LOL like the way they speak in that self righteous tone is so..

HOWEVER. THIS IS RE !! the game is dark content the game has fucking incest in it ??? there are implications of rape! there is so much ugh. Idk but thank u for this ask ily!!! sorry for rambling ab nothing in particular

[raviolirash]

One of the more difficult aspects of having a loved one who has experienced abuse is how often they lash out at/hurt you broke and during the healing process, and vice versa where it's not something you intent to do but it happens, and although Astarion is seen as this imperfect victim, I can't actually remember a moment in his romance where he hurts the PC (& I get why they didn't do this bc they weren't going for full realism in a fantasy game). And obvs not counting the first encounter when you barely know eachother or A!A, but people would never be able to handle him if he ever did lash out at/do something that hurt the PC, so imho he is kind of way more palatable than he's expected to be.

Welcome to another fever-induced ramble:

Yeah I fully agree with this actually. I'll dig around later but the closest it comes to mind is him going full manipulative in act 3 with the "you want what's best for me, surely" behavior.

Which to a person with a functioning brain looks like this:

There were some things in Early Access and one of the lines I wish they would have left in is when you try to comfort him with a hand on his shoulder early in the game, he snaps back with something like "Leave me alone and go back to your own wet dreams". That was great. I didn't play Early Access so there were probably a few more I'm unaware of.

But not to repeat what you said but: I would have loved to see it go even deeper, but considering that the fandom has thrown a conniption over the smallest character flaws, I think people's brains would Netherese Orb Blast if faced with anything deeper than what we got in the final product. As it is now, people's cursors are constantly hovering over that damn button.

For example. Look at how Lae'zel's been treated by the community. Twitter and TikTok (incidentally platforms mostly used by very young people in fandom circles) HATE her. She's just a scared 20-something year old in a foreign country, her being a Githyanki is a very deep part of her identity, [insert a paragraph about how Githyanki view mind flayers and tadpoles here]. If your Tav isn't a Githyanki, she is completely isolated and alone. With idiots doing dumb shit. With a worm in her head. And a goth cleric - based on what you can deduct - did a Lara Croft with something that is a deep part of her identity.

If you say "oh, I would be a positive and uplifting UwU person in that situation! I would be nice to people! There is no need to be a bitch!" 🎵You're a fucking liar lol.🎶

Anyway. My own headcanon cope is that post act 2 confession, Astarion is making an actual effort and doesn't want to lose the only light he has in his life. He has definitely swallowed back some scathing remarks but he knows how easily he can fuck things up. Hell. His Yurgir confession scene is him confessing a massive fuckup, admitting his feelings, and essentially gambling if he's going to get his heart broken or not. He doesn't want to make another huge fuckup I think.

As a bonus, the private fic I'm writing isn't without him being a giant asshole (from two different chapters, before realizing feelings).

---

[bloody-wonder]

starting new series

in order to balance my reading i like to track the progress i'm making with old series vs how many new series i'm starting. my loose goal is usually to finish/catch up on at least five and start at least ten new series in a year - which turns out isn't as difficult as it sounds bc we're not even halfway through the year yet and i already hit the latter mark! here's an overview of what i read and my opinions :)

series that were so good i immediately read all the books available:

doctrine of labyrinths by sarah monette (book one: mélusine). okay so this was life-changing. not sarah monette inventing dark aroace romantasy in 2005! they hated her for her slay so much she had to start writing cozy fantasy under a pen name! this story is so weird and unique i honestly have no idea how to pitch it except to say that fans of books like the locked tomb, mdzs and captive prince will very likely enjoy it too. the fact that it's not a depraved booklr cult classic by now is a travesty. but we can still make it happen so if you fall into this particular reader category (and wouldn't be put off by the fact that someone may or may not want to fuck his brother a little bit) please do yourself a favor and read this series! check the trigger warnings first tho

the cemeteries of amalo by katherine addison (book one: the witness for the dead). i liked the goblin emperor, didn't love it, but after binging doctrine of labyrinths in less than a week i sorely needed a cure for my book hangover so i decided to pick up this spinoff series and wouldn't you know it - i binged it too lol. ig february was my monette/addison era. amalo felt like course correction after the goblin emperor and, while it's set in the same world and written in the same tone as that book, many of its aspects reminded me more of doctrine of labyrinths which is probably why i ended up liking it more - and was surprised by that too since i typically don't like this slow meditative writing style in fantasy but ig sarah monette just brings a certain je ne sais quoi to her books (emotional whump). the third book is coming out next march and i'm very excited to see what the saddest gay priest detective will do next👀

the stolen heir duology by holly black. to be completely honest i don't think these books are necessary. ig it was cool to return to elfhame several years post tfota and see some of my favorite ya fantasy characters from outsider pov but i found the main couple quite bland, especially in the second book where they are predictably overshadowed by jude & cardan in every respect. jude & cardan are simply The Power Couple, i love them and i appreciated the opportunity to revisit them in their 20s. madoc, everyone's favorite worst dad, has some nice scenes too but apart from that this installment was neither adventurous nor action-packed nor particularly romantic. it's clear now that holly black plans to continue writing in the elfhame universe and i sincerely hope she will try to shake things up by going full adult and/or changing the genre (i have this galaxybrain idea of a wwdits style mockumentary about madoc's exile in the human world which i'm trying to telepathically plant in holly black's brain as we speak)

evander mills by lev a. c. rosen (book one: lavender house). lavender house was the first book i read this year - i picked it up on a whim, honestly not expecting much, but ended up liking it a lot. in many respects it's a pretty basic closed circle murder mystery but with an all queer cast, whereas the second book has our gay detective investigating blackmail. the fact that the story takes place in the (homophobic) 50s and the queer victims are not protected by the law whatsoever adds an interesting spin to the whole idea of seeking and serving justice. i never thought i'm a serialized detective story type of person but ig if you make it queer enough i'll read anything lol so now i'm eagerly awaiting the next andy mills mystery which will come out in fall.

series i'm maybe going to continue reading later:

aubrey & maturin by patrick o'brian (book one: master and commander). seeing all the old man yaoi on a boat memes on tumblr rapidly propelled this series to the top of my tbr. now i have finally read the first book and,, liked it? lol idk the prose was very good, aubrey & maturin's friendship was sweet and the reading experience was cozy, with funny moments here and there, but overall i wasn't gripped by the plot nor did i particularly connect to the characters. i'm glad i read it but rn i'm not planning to continue this (extremely long) series any time soon. the book did have a delightful nautical atmosphere tho so there's a chance i might return to aubrey & maturin's adventures one day, if the mood strikes

page & sommers by cat sebastian (book one: hither, page). this one i didn't like at all tbh. i think cat sebastian just isn't the author for me and i should quit trying to read her books. however, i am both blessed and plagued by completionism and this series only has two books so i might read the second one this year just to appease my demons lol

series i'm not going to continue:

adam binder by david r. slayton (book one: white trash warlock). someone on tumblr recced this book to me ages ago and i wanted to read it ever since - purely bc of the title tbh😅 something i failed to consider tho is that urban fantasy is probably my least favorite subgenre of fantasy. and this book unfortunately didn't feature any memorable character moments or mind-blowing plot bits that could have broken through my unimpressedness with the urban fantasy setting🤷‍♀️

rook & rose by m. a. carrick (book one: the mask of mirrors). okay now we're entering the Dislike & Disappoint territory. i got interested in this series bc i heard it being compared to gentleman bastard but the similarities end at the renaissance venice setting and a conperson protagonist. the mask of mirrors completely lacks the rizz and swagger of scott lynch's writing and its characters just don't have the oomph of locke lamora and his team. so that was disappointing. on top of that the book is extremely long and convoluted with a worldbuilding that bothered me a lot and i couldn't put my finger on why until i read the themes section on its wiki page - ah yes, the us politics, again, using a foreign setting as a window dressing, again. listen, ik the us politics are important for the us authors to write about but when i pick up a book inspired by the italian renaissance what i want to get is themes and motifs representative of that time and place, even if we modernize them by (honestly lackluster) queernormativity and gender equality. i was mildly curious about the identity of the rook but now that it's been revealed i see no reason to continue this series.

the masquerade by seth dickinson (book one: the traitor baru cormorant). i intended to finish this book last year and leave it there but it was so unbelievably boring it put me into a reading slump for like two whole weeks and i ended up finishing it in january. i noticed that books about colonialism often try so hard to strike this solemn literary tone and say something profound that characters and plot just get bulldozed over by that dedication to conveying this very serious theme. admittedly, baru isn't as bad as that - i'm just biased bc she was pitched to me as a character in the same category as lymond and tyrion lannister so i was disappointed on that account seeing as it was the only reason i decided to give this book a try. i will say the general concept of the story and the plot twist at the end were indeed good but the overall reading experience was so aggressively meh that they just weren't worth it for me and so when the Big Thing happened i was still underwhelmed.

emily wilde by heather fawcett (book one: emily wilde’s encyclopaedia of faeries). i wrote a long ass goodreads review about why i disliked this book so much but let's see if i can be concise for once (ha, as if). i'm a big fan of olivia atwater's books so based on all the buzz around emily wilde i thought i was picking up a similar faerie story. turns out this was more like an "elevated" cozy fantasy version of ali hazelwood's books featuring howl in leather pants (tweed pants?). where atwater uses faerie tale tropes and fae lore to explore classism, neurodivergence and nuanced romantic and platonic connections, fawcett seems to write from a perspective that is decidedly normative. just like emily wilde, half a soul has a heroine who reads as neurodivergent but the narrative is always firmly on her side, whereas the moral in emily wilde seems to be that she has to smile and socialize more or smth. just like emily wilde, a thousand stitches features a faerie as a love interest but in this case he indeed reads like a whimsical magical being, so similar to humans and yet so different at the same time, whereas mr cheap howl knockoff reads like a quirky human man who is an asshole sometimes and can do magic. atwater's books are fairly popular but emily wilde is the book that has mass appeal and ig i shouldn't really be surprised bc when have the stories that question the status quo ever have been more popular than the ones that reinforce it? so i'm not really surprised but i am bitter. this book left a sour taste in my mouth and made me feel really bad about myself which was something i hadn't reckoned with when i picked up this cozy fantasy. tbh i initially was going to masochistically read the sequel out of morbid curiosity but then i remembered that i can read literally anything else instead lol the hater gods spared me just for once😅

2024 reading updates | goodreads

[lily-alphonse]

for the rarepairs: maru and haley?

Interesting

I want them to hate each other

At first! Lol. I want a rivals to lovers with them. Both just being judgemental about the other person until forced proximity makes them realize they are more alike than they think, and actually enjoy how they challenge each other.

They are both very strong-willed. I think that's how they're most similar. Maru is a proud woman of STEM and lowkey looks down on Haley for being an influencer and (supposedly) only caring about boys, beauty, and shopping. And Haley isn't interested in female friendships at all. She's been burned too much before. Women (in her circles, at least) are too catty. She has her sister and her bff Alex and those are all she needs.

But how do they get forced together?

I'm thinking Haley has a problem. She likes being an influencer but really wants to break into the photography scene. One of her common loon pictures gained some notoriety but didn't manage to place in the competition she submitted it to.

There is another competition she wants to enter, one that not as many people apply to. Why? Well because the competition is organized by an astronomy journal. Only photographers with telescopes ever win.

(I proceed to do way too much research into astrophotography, as a fic writer does)

But you see Haley doesn't go straight to Maru about it, no. She would be too easily dismissed.

She goes to Robin.

Robin is excited! "Oh this will be so nice, Haley has grown into such a nice young woman, wouldn't it be nice to be friends? You need some friends you spend too much time in the lab."

"Wow, thanks mom" 🙄 "Love that even at 22 you are setting me up on playdates"

Suddenly, Maru doesn't have much of a choice. She does try to get out of it though.

Haley comes over. She's always so hot. Who is she even dressing up for? She's only coming over for tea but she has lip gloss on. (Ew. Definitely not like, hot or anything. Definitely not drawing her eyes to her lips over and over.)

"I can't help you. My telescope is made for a visual focus."

Haley's plastic smile doesn't falter. "Oh, it doesn't need to be. I'll need an adapter but if you don't have one that's fine, I'll take care of it."

"I don't think you understand everything that's involved in astrophotography."

"Oh really?" Her smile gets sharp. She's enjoying herself now. "I'm not the one who didn't know about adapters." She sips her tea innocently.

Maru is flustered. "I-I knew about adapters!"

Haley cocks her head playfully. "Oh, are you playing dumb just to make me feel at home then?"

What are we calling this one? Marley? Any abstract name ideas? Something something astro. Venus? Could just be Venus actually. It's kinda big brain bc you know Venus is the goddess of love, beauty, sex but then also a planet.

Send me any Stardew Valley rarepair and I will tell you how I would make them work! (Even non-marriage npcs) If youre lucky you may get a mini fic out of it. Check the list below to see if Ive already answered yours

Rarepair Masterlist

[sweaterkittensahoy]

hii!! yeah i wanted to make sure that you were accepting new prompts first and it just popped into my head after reading your latest prompt answers 😭♥️

so!! i read your crubbles drunk shenanigans fic where it ends with jack and harding which just. opened my mind. had to pause and reread and Imagine. not actually 100% sure you actually mean they had a thing going on but if you do!!!! i would like to prompt this for them:

jack and hardings unnamed Subtle Thing being very very subtle and very very unknown until the other boys clock it in like. wait. wait no what. you two??? is that—are you????? and cant even say shit about it bc its harding and for the amount of shit they give jack, they think no one deserves the man except now they find out that one person is harding?? so their brain is not catching up like at all and have no idea how to proceed.

and hey if its not a jack/harding thing i would loveeee to read more on jack trying to coral these dumbasses shoved into his hands by his number one headache.

thank you 😊♥️♥️

Okay, so I also surprised myself but I DEFINITELY meant for them to have a thing.

I'm still noodling on how exactly it all happens, so this is more headcanon than fic.

Jack doesn't often light Harding's cigars, but it's definitely something that happens. No one thinks a thing about it until someone with just the right amount of booze in their system goes, "Hey, did Jack ever light a COs smoke before?" And there's a long moment of silence as everyone thinks it over, and then there's a variety of responses: Some snickering. Some smiling. Bucky lets out a screech like a hungry bird then just collapses onto the table laughing until he cries.

Harding's friendly with everyone. From Jack all the way down. Even the ground crews feel comfortable joking with him a little. He's just that kind of warm CO. But with Jack, there's some very subtle differences. He doesn't thump Jack on the back like he does the other men. He pats lightly. His hand lingers for a moment. The jokes seem more about making Jack laugh unwillingly (Jack hates puns, but Harding's got a new one every goddamn day) than sharing a laugh like colleagues.

Neither of them ever has a hair out of place. So there's no figuring out via mussed up hair. But occasionally there's something like a rash on Jack's neck that Ken realizes one day is actually a mustache burn because he just got his own from Rosie the night before. And Ken just stands very still for a moment as he figures out literally the only person Jack might allow that close.

Crosby knows. He's the only one who ever caught them in a moment. They weren't petting or anything, but a CO does not sit on the edge of an Air Exec's desk and pour him a drink while rubbing a shoulder. Crosby doesn't try to play dumb. He knows he's bad at it. He just goes, "Well, okay. Congrats and all that. I've got weather concerns to discuss." And the thing is, Crosby is an overthinker, but he can also keep a secret like a champ. No one hears shit from him.

When the weather gets cold, there's a lot of sitting in front of the fire, just the two of them, sharing a good drink and some quiet conversation. From the outside, it doesn't look different from a hundred other friendships on base. But it is definitely more than a friendship.

Couple other bits that I really like:

Word starts circulating that Helen Harding, noted crush of half the base, isn't ACTUALLY Harding's daughter but pretending. This is true, but if it comes out it actually is, the most annoying pilots will make a move Helen would prefer to avoid. Jack and Harding are the only ones on base who know she's lying. Helen because she asked Harding if he minded, and Jack because she told him after she realized he was crushing bad but wouldn't dare try anything when the Colonel's daughter, who is nearly his same age, is right there. Jack makes sure to rip a single pilot to shreds the first time he overhears the rumor that Helen isn't the Colonel's daughter, makes sure he's seen and heard being appalled that his men would try and find a way around an obvious truth like Helen being Harding's daughter.

Harding DOES have a daughter named Helen. She's four. She lives in the States with some family or other (haven't figured that one out yet). Jack meets her after the war. She's seven and cute as a button. Her dad's career military, so she barely clocks that Jack is meant to be more than "Uncle Jack" for awhile. It's actually pretty funny when it all comes together in her little brain.

[jorisjurgen]

43 for the jurgen-crepins? These characters have been living in my brain recently haha.

@dullard bc he also asked this, in his ask

43. What do they commonly misinterpret because of their own upbringing / environment / biases? How do they respond when realizing the misunderstanding?

I had to sit down and think about this bc like that's some Deep stuff here...

Joris: Has no fucking idea what Kerubim is doing most of the time. It feels like a batshit insane chessgame. Is he wanting him to wash the dishes? Is he wanting him to stay at home and going at it in the most insane way? The world may never know. He knows well if Kerubim is feeling well or not, but his intentions always elude him.

He tends to assume the worst of people in general, because of his involvement in politics, and immortality. But it's easy for him to adjust to the knowledge that someone actually meant well, because he likes to give people chances (if they're willing to take them).

Otherwise, someone he thinks of as good turning out to be bad doesn't surprise him in the least. He's involved in courts. He's seen hundreds of sweet little princes and princesses grow up into kings and queens and commit warcrimes. He will come to kingdoms, be polite, give a gift or two to the royal family, all the while thinking of how aware he is, of the possibility. Though there are times when it stings, even now, to see someone grow into a worse version of themselves.

Also, he probably has a tendency to read into parent-child relationships and being relentlessly judgemental. I think in s4 he was trying to explode Eliatrope with his mind.

Kerubim: He's blind to any bad parenting that isn't outright physical/psychological/emotional abuse. He respects helicopter moms for their Passion, he respects neglectful parents for The Freedoms they provide, and he affectionately tells Joris that they're "best friends", and all of that is like, because of Ecaflip, even though on some level he does know he was mistreated.

He's very well at social stuff, when it doesn't concern his own personal life, — because when it concerns his personal life, he is chronically convinced everyone will leave. On some level, this delusion persists even 600 years deep into the codependent nightmare blunt rotation (though now not in a "they will leave :(" way, but in a "they can't leave me even if they want to :(" way.). He carries a lot of guilt about Atcham and Joris, so, he tends to catastrophize any of their bad moods, but also — he knows that he catastrophizes, so he has to gaslight himself that he isn't anxious (he's too proud to ask for reassurance) (his cluster-b swag...)

I think every time it is brought to his attention that Joris or Atcham don't like something he did, he deflates and begins feeling violently suicidal and nauseous and in physical pain. Which isn't his fault, but is the reason Joris doesn't ever bring anything up.

Atcham: EVERYONE IS ALWAYS OUT TO GET HIM AND HE NEEDS TO SHOOT THEM BEFORE THEY SHOOT HIM AND THEY ARE LAUGHING AT HIM. Besides having homicidal thoughts towards tired store clerks because they're looking at him weird (after a 10-hour shift), and reading too much into any conflict, — I think he's bad at getting it when someone dislikes him. He'll often think that someone who's acting polite out of fear/disgust Loves him. (Bad social skills from having no friends as a child + The 'tism)

If he is informed that someone he thought liked him actually hates him, he isn't surprised. Just angry. Angry at not being told out of the gate. When he's informed that someone doesn't hate him, he's pleasantly surprised. Like "oh they're jussst... annoyed today? not becaussse of me? hm." and he thinks about it for like a week.

600 years deep into the codependent nightmare blunt rotation, he is mostly out of this never-ending paranoia nightmare (he's too happy to be thinking about this shit anymore). He still doesn't get it when someone dislikes him, but it doesn't bother him as much if he realizes he's disliked, because that person is wrong and stupid, and doesn't deserve his glorious self anyway, and if nobody got him, then Joris and Kerubim got him.

Off-topic, but 1. He's kind of like Laios in terms of social skills and being creepy and off-putting. Except our guy's special interests are dismemberment, swords, and wig making. They have the same type of "my hungry ass could never be a brain surgeon 😭" autism. 2. I think he is anomalously good at detecting bad parenting that isn't physical/psychological/emotional abuse. Mostly because he likes to make fun of Kerubim, and it makes him predisposed to want to poke holes in Joris's Happy Childhood Memories. Makes him weirdly suited to give Joris DIY therapy. ("And did the sssstupid sssshelf ever fall on you? Ever sssstubbed your toe and landed on a russssty nail?" "Oh shut it-- I-- He got me vaccinated against that! After the first time" "SDDFGFAFS😭😭😭😭")