#and just earplugs are a no-go bc then i will just hear the screaming of my tinnitus

[cappurrccino]

I need like. bluetooth earbuds that are soft and squishy and malleable like foam earplugs but that are also 100% sound canceling, but, and I cannot stress enough, can still play music

[honeytama]

out of control bloodline! matt thoughts some smut 18+ under the cut

ty for @ladyveronikawrites post for making me not be able to think straight

GOD HELP

pics where his sides are showing are probably the closest thing we’ll get to seeing him shirtless and yknow what? i’ll take it. mans probably has an incredible body and i don’t blame him for keeping it to himself 🙂‍↔️✋

LIKE,, loookk at the definition in his ribs and waist area sheesh

i know that there’s sleeveless tees just practical for drumming but something tells me he thinks of them more than that…. he loves the way he looks in them and thinks it’s funny when he has a little nipslip now and again. alsoooo, idk if they sell them like that really? so he cut them himself, what a creative guy w his scissors aw

enough (never enough) about the sides of his torso what about his arms ?? matty i love you and your oversized tees but we only get to see half of your nerd tattoos?? Wtff :( his biceps and shoulders are being hid from the world let them breathe king

he just looks so good

thinking abouttt being gf of bloodline!matt 😢 and attending his rehearsals in the days before shows. he always get a little nervy,, which make him get testy with his bandmates but with you he’s just needy :( he likes to see your face smiling and head bobbing as you sit on the floor across the room from him. he got you a special pare of earplugs with his initials on each one bc he knows his drumming and screaming (I’m fainting) is loud and he won’t risk you having hearing loss due to him :(

imagine running your fingers down his bare sides as you two kiss while he’s on break from rehearsing,, giving him goosebumps mhmm

his bandmates tease him for it, but he just gives them the finger bc he’s got his pretty girl sitting on his thigh while he’s on his drum throne. they all eventually leave you to suck face for what matt knows is going to be a good 15 min. good enough time for him to get you both off !

matt prides himself in his drum set up,, always making sure it’s finely tuned and cleaned just the way he likes…. but he finds more pride in feeling your pussy clench around him while you whine and cry on his dick :/

he has two favorite, practiced, positions,,, ones you were nervous to try at first bc you didn’t want to destroy his drums but you went ahead and trusted his strong drummer arms and large hands to hold you in place.

numero uno ☝️ riding him while he’s on his drum throne,, he lets you lean back and rest your hands on his snare while his hands grip your hips to pull you up and down his cock

he reminds you to wear your favorite skirts btw,, it’s the only way yall can do this quick enough before his buddies are back!

dos ✌️ he likes to take you over the top of his large, floor tom. folded over it and fucking you from behind sigh

it’s great bc the sound proofed warehouse or garage or studio they practice in muffles your screaming and moaning his name,, and hides the sounds of his hands slapping and leaving handprints on your ass as you bounce on him 🙄

but his favorite part and he tells you this,, is how flustered you look afterward as the guys return to get to playing again. while you and matt know that they have no clue about your trysts,,, your humiliation and shyness of the thought of them being able to hear you makes matt F E R A L

he just loves to point out your messed up hair :/ or your skirt that’s just hiked up a lil too high :/ while in front of them!! ugh

[stevenssticks]

ok this is like a silly thought i’ve had for a while but like imagine being younger jason’s roommate & you’ve always had a flirty relationship with him

one night, one thing leads to another and there you are, bent over a kitchen counter for him 🫣

idk i just love jason he makes me dizzy

ALL HAIL THE ROOMMATE TROPE!!!!!!!🙇🙇🙇 i’m picturing his early met look for this bc<3 it’s my fav.

so w this one i’d imagine you n jason are like flirting all the time, and there’s some unspoken tension btwn you. the dam breaks the night after you bring a guy back to your room, jason coming home after the two of you had already arrived and he’s infuriated because he didn’t. hear. you. once. all he heard was the headboard smacking against the wall and the guys moans, which were too loud and too ugly and jason had to put earplugs in to fall into a fitful sleep. all he dreamed of was how much better he could treat you.

fast forward the guy leaves after jason shoots him the most deathly glares known to man the morning after; the two of you go on with your day as per usual until you’re home cooking dinner.

“you had fun last night?” jason never asks, but he’s feeling bold tonight.

“jase- i uh… yeah, it was fun..”

“really? i find that hard to believe.” your face is on fire at this point. looking down at your stir fry you made for the two of you and turning off the stove.

“i’m just quiet, okay? i never really make that much noise…” your head is down. unable to look jason in the eyes as he looks at you through his fluffy bangs that he definitely needs to trim. jason comes closer to you, so that you’re pressed up against each other, jason’s breath fanning out over your face, his hand reaching to tilt your chin up. you breathe each other in for one, two seconds, and then your lips are smashing into each other. hot and heavy. his hands are cupping your cheeks and your hands are gripping at his tshirt, hugging him as close to you as you can get him. he turns you around and guides you until your back hits the dining room table, kissing down your neck now as he all but rips your clothes off.

“‘usually quiet’ my ass. i’m gonna make you scream for me.” he throws his own shirt off, turning you around and pulling your panties down your thighs. you hear the sound of a zipper, and then you feel jason, hard and heavy rubbing up against your ass. he takes one of your thighs and lifts your leg up onto the table. getting you nice and open for him. you’re already soaked. he can see the stickiness of your slick making your cunt all wet for him. he takes his cock in his hand and slides it through your folds. you yelp when the head pushes up against your clit.

“bet that fucker didn’t even make you cum, did he? nah…” he rubs the tip of his dick against your hole once, twice, and then he’s pushing into you. he lets out a breathy groan, and it’s the hottest damn thing you’ve ever heard. you scream just like jason said you would as he slams into you. hips slapping against your ass.

he leans over you, crowding you into the table and nipping at your neck and shoulder. he pulls out as far as he can in this position and fucks into you so deep you swear you can feel him in your throat. he’s grinding into you, rubbing up against your g-spot constantly and your mind goes blank. you can hear the “uhn uhn uhn” noises he’s making in your ear and him whispering “oh fuck, baby…”

he extracts himself from where he’s pressed against your back to get better leverage to properly fuck you, hands holding your hips as he thrusts into you at a bruising pace. “you like that baby? yeah… that’s what i wanna hear. not so quiet, huh?” and it would be so annoying if you didn’t find him so fucking hot. find this so fucking hot. you’re so close. jason knows, you’re squeezing him so tight, and when he brings his hand down and under to your clit he feels you flutter around him and it nearly sends him over the edge, but he’s gotta make you cum first.

at this point you’ve been fucked so good you’re in tears, mascara running down your cheeks. the neighbors must be pissed. or impressed, maybe a bit of both. jason’s fingers circle your clit once, twice and then he presses down hard and you’re gone. you shake apart as jason lifts your body off the table, holding you to his chest as he groans and cums inside you, whispering your name.

you both gradually come down, his fluffy hair tickling your neck where his head rests. he turns you around, grabs your thighs and picks you up. you’re so tired you can’t even keep your eyes open, resting your head on his shoulder as he kisses your head and walks you to his bedroom to lay you down to sleep.

—

cough. metallica reference. cough.

[thornsent]

"I don't know that person and I'm never going to see them again so why should I care if I make their life as a disabled person worse by being purposefully loud in public where a disabled person cannot just leave" I hate this website. I hate how OP can clearly state "if you are able to not make the noise but do anyway" and randos will be like "actually it is racist to be misophonic and have sensory issues" this website makes me want to fucking scream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just want decent fucking advocacy I just want to be able to exist in public without having a migraine AND a meltdown combo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but people don't even recognize or understand how fucking bad life w misophonia can be. "just get earplugs" what if you fell into an industrial-sized blender? I legitimately think telling a misophonic person to get earplugs/headphones is a microaggression because they don't even understand how fucking. limiting. that is. and also how dangerous it is to HAVE to be completely unaware of your surroundings?????? just to get by??????? this is how people don't hear fire alarms, or other emergency alerts. or someone breaking into their home, or traffic........ a dozen other things too. not to mention your ears get SO fucking raw after wearing earplugs for a while (these people have probably never wore them for more than a few hours) I genuinely have gotten blisters and been unable to wear earplugs bc of that even though the plugs and my ears both were kept clean. and earplugs don't even drown out all of the triggering noises......... especially not bass like can we please just accept that our world is an overstimulating and hostile one and not everything and everyone needs to be as loud as we currently are please and thank you.

[bright-and-burning]

i want to hear more abt the light betw the lines!!! my hand is raised, me me pick on me, i want to know all your favorite parts and every implication!!!

u get the bits i wrote while at work before i got too overstimulated to be alive fjkldsajf. have some of the direct implications that foreshadow the ending (spoilers, obvi):

Lando drags his eyes back to the table. Three pairs of hopeful eyes stare up at him; Kimi's even raised his head enough to pull out the pleading puppy look. “We just did Mindfulness Monday. Like, two days ago, you muppets. All I do is distract you.” “Yeah, but I could almost feel it Monday, and yesterday I couldn’t even visualize anything.”

here’s big hint #1 :) the Twos find it so much easier to work on finding their Development when lando’s there… but surely they just like having him around. right ? right…

The landscape lights up, red and orange and the odd turquoise of dying Rifted.

when Rifted explode/burn there’s an odd turquoise tinge to the flame. nicoisms…

Lando’s got a kind of—instinct, maybe, for being in the right spot. For avoiding being in the wrong spot. Not a real Development. Just a feeling. Like being able to hear a high pitched sound no one else can. He calls it paying attention, these days.

this is also kind of a hint? it relates to how lando sort of visualizes using his power, later on, when he can Feel/See the people and Rifted around him. he’s a very visual thinker in this as a whole tbh. to ME it’s kind of like. he’s good at dodging trouble bc he’s subconsciously feeling out the source of Developments/things that radiate uh. Development Vibes. 

They’re both still shaken up; Lando had told Jenson point blank they weren’t going out for two days, minimum. Piastri spent most of it in bed with a migraine, according to Ollie, who mutters something about “direct volume” and “acute exposure” between bites of his dinner. Lando feels a little bad for the mental shouting; he hadn’t thought Piastri was that tuned in, at a distance.

wow… crazy… lando louder in oscar’s head than he expected to be… lando louder in oscar’s head than anyone else… lando breaking thru oscar’s carefully built control over how his Development works/how he lets people into his head… couldn’t possibly be because lando’s amplifying oscar’s power around him…

Lando’s walked his own maze a thousand times, to no end. He’s still plenty happy to spend the evening making snarky comments.

OH THIS BIT… ok so this whole section kind of alludes to whole the process of Developing but specifically. everyone’s got these visual cues right? in their mindscape or w/e. their maze. that give hints as to what they’re in for, Development wise. doriane’s seeing colorful misshapen blobs bc she’s looking at the world from the perspective of being nearly microscopic. kimi’s missing color cuz he’s looking at force fields. these mental mazes are Just You tho. completely isolated inside your head. and lando’s Development doesn’t work inside a vacuum. can’t amplify without someone to amplify. so he’s got nothing. no hints. nada. which is why he thinks he’s a dud. despite already having Developed.

Lando pictures walls all around him. Thick ones, all reinforced steel and sealed exits, cold and familiar. He slams the last door in Piastri’s face. Not that it helps. Nothing Lando’s tried has helped. If he were feeling more charitable, he’d acknowledge that Piastri’s trying, too. That nothing either of them do is helping.

wrow… nothing either of them do can quiet lando’s voice in oscar’s head huh… cwazy…

“And Robert could, like, scream?” Lando raises an eyebrow. “Eardrum bursting, concussion-inducing stuff. Not fucking ‘ahhh.’” “You wear earplugs with the helmet, though?” “Sound’s transmittable by thought, apparently. Two months of medical leave for that one.”

sound’s transmittable by thought!!! most key aspect of the set up for the end to not be too much of a massive like deus ex machina (hopefully) (idek if that’s the right phrase . i’m not looking it up). and i came up w it on ACCIDENT trying desperately to come up w powers for oscar’s old partners 😭 and then i was like. omfg. this helps explain how the ending Works. cuz if lewis' power is audio wave related then it's key that actual sound is transmittable, not just like. thought2thought communication. if that makes sense.

The screeching of the Rifted is joined by a nauseatingly high-pitched whining noise. The noise kicks up a notch, screeching turning to shrieking. Lando could not have marked a difference, before today.

big reveal number one!!!! oscar uses lando to project a horrible noise to try and distract the Rifted!!!!! woo! sound baby!

He thought amplifying Lewis’ audio waves at the center would shut it down.

we return to sound… and my really really bastardized physics lol.

Something large and swirling ahead of him, turquoise and violent steel.

*touches ground* nico rosberg’s been here. no but really this is supposed to be like. well this is the gap between universes or whatever, and it’s turquoise bc nico ripped it wide open and got sucked tf in in turn. leaving a kind of. aural trace or whatever. that’s why when Rifted burn there’s this weird turquoise tinge to the flames

and then u get big reveal #2 and all that resolution and hopefully it feels deeply satisfying bc you've been picking up at least some of the clues subconsciously the whole time :) hopefully. i probably missed some other Implications in doing this on my phone but i hope this was interesting at least :)

[twopoppies]

hi gina! i saw that you said that you don’t like concerts very much bc it can be overwhelming!! if the crowd and screaming fans is what overwhelms you, i suggest trying earplugs if you haven’t already! i suggest either loop earplugs or eargasm ear plugs! they make the music sound so much better, they block out the screaming, and they help protect your ears! i personally got the eargasm earplugs for my louis shows in july! i’m going to a bunch and i don’t want to damage my hearing bc it’s going to be loud!!

I actually have some great earplugs, and yes! They absolutely help. Now if I could just eliminate all the other people in attendance, as well as the traffic, I’d be thrilled. 😆😆😆

[wingslikeiicarus]

Hello hello hellooooooo ok so uhhh i need all the deets 🤭🤭🤭 gimme gimme i hope you had a blast !!!

Hi hii omg there’s so much to process, first off Ny Oh was so lovely her voice is absolutely incredible. I’ve never heard any of wet leg’s music before but they came on as I was in the bathroom and it was SOO FUCKING loud, like I already had specific sound decibel level filtering earplugs in but I had to hike it back to my seat and scramble to put my noise cancelling headphones on, and even then it was still quite loud but much more manageable😭

Then I needed to pee at the end of their set but Harry was scheduled to come on in like 5minutes so I decided to wait, but then he didn’t come on for another half an hour (they played best song ever as part of the pre show playlist and the entire stadium was singing along which was very fun to see) and every time a song from the playlist ended the entire seated sections of the stadium kept standing up and screaming then sitting down then standing up and screaming then sitting down thinking Harry was coming out

I had my pride flag in hand the entire time, and cause I’m not one to sort of start dancing or singing, and I was so overwhelmed just watching his little figure bounce around the stage, that I stayed quiet the entire time just taking it all in and trying to listen to him, waving my pride flag even higher at his ‘be who you want to be in this room’ speech, tpwk, medicine and his thank you speeches- but when I tell you my jaw DROPPED when medicine started… bc the crowd kept chanting it when the lights would go down between songs, but he’d just carry on as if he hadn’t heard it, and then he got past the point in the setlist where I thought he’d add it in if he was gonna do it so I was like damn ah well it was a slim chance anyway maybe next time,(at one point after medicine was being chanted, the lights turned red and we all screamed and then he said something like ‘if you know the words to this next one please sing along’ and then he went into late night talking the little shit) but yeah safe to say it caught me by surprise in the most incredible way, incomparable. I took my headphones off for medicine cause this was the moment I wanted to hear unfiltered.

Also special mention, the best part of watching him live is seeing the timing of his mannerisms paired with the lyrics he’s singing, because once he grabbed a pride flag for tpwk, and he was singing up and down the catwalk, he lifted up the pride flag and the draped it over his shoulder, drawing specific attention to it right as he sung the line ‘feeling good in my skin’ 🏳️‍🌈🕺🏳️‍🌈

But yes it was such an incredible, overwhelming experience, I still can’t believe I was actually there, I have to watch videos to be able to picture it cause I can’t even remember most of it😭😭

[shatterthefragments]

5, 6, 9, 21, 23 and 37 (I'm p sure those were it, I'm on mobile shshdh)

Thank you! Music asks

5. Top 3 played songs?

1. Disposable Fix by The Plot In You

2. I Love You, I’m Trying by grandson

3. Atlas by Friday Pilots Club

(From on repeat)

1. Endless Riots by Reece young, cane hill

2. Sugar honey ice & tea by BMTH

3. Blood Sport ftrb by Sleep Token

(From short term)

1. Kingdom of Cards by Bad Omens

2. Nazareth by Sleep Token

3. IDWT$ by Bad Omens

(From medium term)

1. ego death by Polyphia ft Steve Vai

2. Granite by sleep token

3. My love mine all mine by mitski

(From long term)

In my own opinion:

1. blood sport (both versions) from sleep token

2. Disposable fix from the plot in you

3. Fade by holywatr

6. Three favorite genres of music?

So. The quintessential question is: what is a genre? I mean? I guess I tend to go towards rock and some subgenres(?) of metal/metalcore at the moment?

Looking at wrappeds: modern rock, modern alternative rock, pop; pop, modern alternative rock, alt z; pop, modern rock, metal core; dance pop, modern alternative rock, video game music

So. I guess I’ll choose Modern (alternative?) rock, pop, and metalcore?

9. Favorite concert you’ve attended?

Favourite with another person was Noah Kahan that I went to with my cousin (in place of the sister bc she had a cheer thing come up) and it was the perfect venue with seats and dancing and good drinks (only venue I’ve been able to just buy a glass of pineapple juice at! And I love going back to this one :)) and was such an amazing little trip we had together! (Literally we were in the hostel trying to learn one song ahead of the show bc it was the sister who wanted to go and so I was going to take her) I think this was the Busyhead tour :)

On my own: …this has to be split into smaller or larger venue.

For a larger venue: either Sleep Token or Halestorm/Volbeat. Truly astounding~ both sound even better (somehow) live (ok can’t really speak for volbeat I don’t listen to them as much and only started after seeing them)

For a smaller venue: probably grandson (even though physically I was Suffering and was unsure if I’d even make it there) or maybe Finger Eleven bc it was my very first and hooked me to continue going to concerts :)

21. A song that needs to play loud?

Hmmm. So. I. Hmm.

So I have. Possible slight hearing loss from mostly being in food service my entire working life BEEPS AND ALARMS GALORE (coming up on a decade pretty soon) and probably the damn fog horn from sailing. But at the same time im very sensitive?? Like when I use headphones or earbuds it’s almost always on the quietest volume I can have it on and even then it’s sometimes too loud/intense. I’ve fiddled with both lowering all the EQ in Spotify and in my phone’s Audio Settings to get it a bit quieter. (Like the health app says it’s ~48 decibels instead of 60-62 for when I have headphones connected.) something something I wish it was acceptable to wear earplugs freaking everywhere. But in fresh food we aren’t allowed bc it could “fall out into the food” (and also customer service) (I have so many pairs. Some of which would NOT fall out. The others I haven’t opened yet :P) (I don’t blame concert going for this on account of wearing earplugs. But. Anyway)

All that to say: I don’t usually change the volume (at least consciously) for specific songs?

Actually.

Hmmm let me think if I turn the volume up in the car if I’m driving and a song comes on.

Any song that has a breakdown or a section I love to sing along with 💖

But even so I tend to mostly turn music up when I’m on the highway and there’s more background noise and down at slower speeds. This goes for if there’s a lot of background noise when I’m listening to music at home or on the bus/walking too.

Or: perhaps: Sleep Token’s Rain bc I hadn’t heard the scream there until I turned it way up on the highway home one drive bc I was previously like “so nice of them to give IV an additional screamy part 🥰 “ and then it was. Wait. Maybe it’s in the original song too. And uh. Turns out it was. (I doubled the volume to notice it the first time 😬)

Though I will fully admit that if im in a mood and need the music to surround my very essence I will turn it up regardless of ambient noise levels. The MULTIPLE drives home where im screaming along to Blood Sport on loop are fucking unreal 😬

23. A song by an artist with a voice that you love?

Admission: if I don’t love your voice, or at least find it pleasant, *most* of the time im not going to listen to what you’re singing.

Dynasty by Rina Sawayama is the first that came to mind.

Make Me Wanna Die by The Pretty Reckless

Jaws Sleep Token

Welcome to the Show Adam Lambert

Millie Warm the Kettle Rabbitology

27. A song that has many meanings to you?

…so many…

There’s Blame Candy’s Pathetic (which I haven’t been able to listen to for years bc it wasn’t healthy for me at that point)

(Literally most of Sleep Token and Bad Omens and The Plot In You’s discography tbh)

Mayhaps Northlane’s Clockwork.

[tomatowielder]

mega-list of ideas for coping with distressing voices

these are only offered as possible things to try if ur hearing distressing voices... everyone is different & everyone’s voices are different. you know you better than anyone else knows you. if you need to modify any of these, or reject any of these as actively unhelpful for you, that’s ok. 💜 feel free to add your own.

use this however is most helpful for you - i’m sharing what helps & has helped for me. so in no particular order:

Name your voices. Sometimes when they’re all just nameless forms, it can be hard to understand what’s going on, and they can feel scarily omnipotent. I found naming mine helpful for kind of containing the experience & getting to know my voices. If you ask some voices will name themselves.

Visualise ‘safe spaces’ for your voices. If you ask some voices might create their own safe place. Otherwise, you can imagine somewhere real, like sometimes I ask one of my voices to go to sleep in certain bits of a room. Or you can imagine . If you really can’t be disturbed for a length of time, you can try leaving the radio on for them, visualising them relaxing, and tell them when you’ll be ‘back’.

Draw your voices. (Or create a pinterest board for them.) One of my voices used to say things that were horrendously graphic and distressing, and I used to try to block her out all the time, so she got more aggressive with trying to get a reaction from me. Drawing her, and everything she said, whilst very difficult to do, helped it feel more manageable, and helped me pick out themes in what she was saying.

Are there any kind voices you can draw on as allies? If you have a voice that’s kind to you, you could try asking them for help. To stand up to other voices, to comfort you afterwards, etc.

Planning in advance what you might say to distressing stuff. Does a specific voice say really triggering, threatening things with an authoritative tone? It might help to prepare for the voice, and how you might respond. Often being aggressive to aggressive voices can trigger more aggression from voices (voices will lash out if they’re insulted) - how can you be polite but assertive? An example I’ve heard is “bless you, but I don’t want to do that” for commanding voices. But your response will be unique. 

Set a time to listen to your voices. If voices aren’t listened to, they can get louder and more hurtful and graphic to try to get your attention - it can be a vicious cycle. But, if you engage with some voices without support, it can turn into them playing games with you and playing on your insecurities. It might help to strike a balance - set, say, half an hour a day, let the voices speak, and genuinely listen. After the time is up, you go back to doing what you usually do.

Try asking a trusted person to talk to your voices for you (this is a technique called voice dialoguing). Voice dialoguing was honestly the foundations of my recovery, and mostly conducted by my lovely partner. It’s where you sit in a different seat, and someone else speaks to your voices and you tell the person what the voices say, and you often do this multiple times. You decide what feels safe, and you debrief after. The person has to be non-judgemental about voices, and not frightened of voices. There’s information on voice dialoguing here: https://openmindedonline.com/2018/10/14/talking-with-voices-article-and-video/

Try some peer support. Maybe there’s a hearing voices group in your area? https://www.hearing-voices.org/hearing-voices-groups/find-a-group/ If not, there’s a lot of us on tumblr - hit us up and vent here. You don’t have to carry this alone.

Are you listening with anxious intensity bc they’re saying particularly distressing things? When my voices are calling me worthless or useless, or saying graphic things, or telling me a shameful secret only I know, I can completely drop what I’m doing, and LISTEN with such anxious intensity because I NEED to know I’m bad and evil. Sometimes it helps to notice I’m doing this and “let go” of the anxious intensity. I don’t need to powerlessly obsessively listen just because they’re shit talking me.

Physically soothe yourself to soothe screaming voices. Hearing screaming? Try hugging yourself, or giving yourself a face massage, or telling yourself it’s OK, or whatever it is that soothes you. When I soothe myself, I usually inadvetedly soothe the crying or screaming voice. Sometimes overtly comforting the voice helps too, even if it’s coming from very far away.

If you’ve experienced trauma, voices might be carrying memories you don’t remember or don’t feel strongly about, so they can’t be kind to you - you dissociated whilst they (the voice) stayed. Some voices remember things I don’t. Some memories I have I remember, but I don’t feel traumatised by them - but my voices really do. They have to be aggressive and violent towards me, because a) if I got close to them, I would remember too, and they’re protecting me, and b) they resent me for not remembering it whilst they do. Whilst this doesn’t immediately help how cruel they can be, it helps me have some compassion & acceptance. 

Imagine a protective spell. I used to imagine a pink, sparkling sphere of healing and protection around me, and nothing could get in and hurt me. I was totally safe within this sphere. I was really into D&D, so I statted it too - 1000000000 AC, resistant 10000 to negative energy, etc. On my worst nights this helped.

Have a grounding object. I got a stone from an enjoyable vacation I had, and also an amethyst and a teddy, and I used to curl up into the fetal position and GRIP them. If you’re into this stuff, you could charge the objects with healing energy, anything else that makes the object feel more grounding. (This post is about hearing voices but also if you have visual hallucinations & feel brave enough, throwing something through the hallucination can help.)

Experiment with earplugs, sound, and space. Everyone’s voices are so unique - some get louder in big, echoey buildings, some get louder in small spaces, some shout above background noises, some blend in, some get louder with earplugs, some get quiet. Experiment! Go to different spaces and ask the voices if they can talk. Put different (&no) background sounds on. Use earplugs. See if anything feels more or less comfortable.

Experiment with distractions. When I was strugglling 24/7, the only quiet I would get would be during a good film and I NEEDED that. You can’t use distraction all the time - voices will catch up, and ignored voices tend to try to find ways to not be ignored. But I’ve found it necessary to find some breathing space. Films were that for me. There could be distractions that work best for you.

Hide! It’s OK to hide. It’s so OK to hide. It’s not a negative coping mechanism. Under the desk is my favourite place.

Complete a Maastricht interview. I am continually surprised by how little I know about my voices & how helpful I find it to know my voices more. The Maastricht interview is a series of questions that facilitates more self understanding - it might be triggering, so it might be useful to prepare yourself. Look in your local area to see if you can do it in person. If not, voila! http://www.hearingvoices.org.nz/attachments/article/59/Maastricht_Interview_for_voice_hearers.pdf (fwiw I’ve not done it yet but want to lol & I’ve met voice hearers who it’s helped.)

You’re not dirty or wrong for a voice saying graphic and horrible things. <3 It’s OK to hear graphic and disturbing voices. It’s not a reflection on you. It’s OK and normal to hear these things. You deserve safety & kindness.

If your voices get loud in new or anxiety provoking situations, give them some detailed advanced warning. Voices don’t always know what’s happening, what year it is, etc - they’re not always oriented to our reality. Saying, say, “I am going to a job interview on Saturday. Here is what is going to happen on Saturday: ...” can help them, so they don’t get anxious and take it out on you.

Start the small steps of building a collaborative relationship with your voices. Is your voice telling you to kill yourself, others, and that you’re worthless? Obviously, don’t do these things lol - but it might help to ask the voice if it has, say... a preference for a TV show, or a food. Something that doesn’t hurt you to accommodate. It can start the small steps of building a good relationship to take small preferences of the voice on board.

Educate your friends so they can be kinder to you. I like this talk! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syjEN3peCJw Most of my friends who were frightened of me & my voices were much more understanding after watching this. But you choose your resources. 

Accept that it’s ok to be distressed by them and it’s ok to struggle to cope.. Give yourself as much slack as you can. Hearing voices can be so gruelling. It can be isolating and lonely and PHYSICALLY exhausting. You don’t have to do it all. NONE of us can be ‘super-copers’. It’s OK to need rest, and to cut yourself some slack.

Honourary mentions for https://www.hearing-voices.org/ & https://www.intervoiceonline.org/ & https://understandingvoices.com/ c:

[kingdomtual]

Btw my mom came with me to this show bc she had always wanted to see a kpop concert (bless her, she is so supportive of my insanity) and she was so funny! She loved it, but like during the concert she leaned over while the guys were chatting the first time and she’s like

“Is that one the oldest?” About bang chan and I’m like, “yeah and the leader.” And she was like, “oh you can tell. He’s so much bigger and seems way more mature!” And I just laughed bc first of all that’s true but second, my mom knows nothing about skz beyond hearing some of their music so that was adorable LOL

Oh and she LOVED Felix. She loved his accent and the way he talked. She loved Seungmin too bc he was being extra silly during the ments.

And after the show I was like, “so ma, how was it??” And she was like, “I loved it! I couldn’t stop watching them dance, it was completely in sync! Never seen anything like that! And they do everything! Singing while dancing!” And I was like, “I KNOW RIGHT??” And she was like, “I would go again but I need earplugs next time. :)” the screaming got to her but she loved it so I think I have recruited a new Stay ✌️

[demenior]

I wish u would write a fic (in ur spn verse) where cas is (For Reasons) stuck in his true form and so dean can’t rlly interact with him bc of bleeding ears and shit and has to deal with being cut off while Sam is the only one who can rlly directly engage with cas (bc of magic boy properties) :D

this is a million years late and about 700 words long, woops!

From The Love It Takes verse!

“Oh shit!” Sam laughs. There’s a sharp scream, which is the only way to describe the sound even though it’s nothing Dean’s ever heard before. It rattles his teeth and makes him nauseous. 

“What?” Dean almost opens his eyes, feels Sam grab the back of his head and push him down until Dean’s nose is mashed into Sam’s chest. 

“Don’t open your eyes,” Sam scolds him. Because between him, Cas and Sam, Dean is the only one without magic psychic powers that keep him from dying on the spot if he so much as takes a peek at Cas’ true form. 

“What’s happening?” Dean demands. He has to shout to be heard, even this close. 

“Cas just— you know what? It’s too hard to explain. It was freaking awesome.”

“Tell him to hurry it up! Some of us are going deaf,” Dean grumbles. He presses his hands tighter over his ears like that might help block the noise.  

“Oh yeah,” Sam says. Dean experiences the surreal sensation of his face, pressed against Sam, gets uncomfortably hot while his exposed back feels the temperature around them drop a few degrees as Sam uses his powers. 

He taps Dean on the head three times with his knuckles like he’s knocking on a door. 

Dean swats at him. 

“That should help,” Sam says, “I wove a— ah, nevermind. You won’t get it.” 

It takes a moment for the ringing to fade before Dean notices that the angel sounds aren’t overwhelming anymore. They’re still loud, but now he’s got like, magic earmuffs. 

“Thanks,” Dean mumbles. 

“Anything for my little, normal brother,” Sam says, and pats him on the head. Dean swats at him again. 

It feels like forever of listening to Sam gasp and shout while he gets to watch the big angel smackdown, and Dean stands with his eyes closed and magic earplugs in and tries not to die just by accidentally looking at his boyfriend’s real face. 

“I think we’re in the clear,” Sam finally says.

Dean feels all the hair on the beck of his neck stand up, and chills down his spine like hundreds of eyes are looking at him. Like lightning is about to strike. He smells a wave of ozone and that sharp electric tang that means Cas is nearby.

A sequence of noises that are more like sensation—Dean feels them as oscillations in his bones that make him uncomfortably aware of his skeleton, and all the soft things in between—and he thinks if it weren’t for Sam’s magic earplugs he might have gotten sick or passed out from the intensity of Cas’ voice so close.

“Cas says it shouldn’t take too long to rebuild his vessel, but he’s stuck like this for a few days. So… he’ll be back when he’s not gonna melt your brain on sight,” Sam reports.

“Can he say it a little quieter?” Dean asks.

“Oh, shit, uh, yeah. Cas? You’re a little much for Dean,” a crack-boom like rolling thunder, “yes I put the song on him. No, he still can’t hear you.”

A shift in the air, Dean can feel it, and suddenly it feels like driving on a dark night, feeling trapped by the endless road rather than freed by it. Stuck in the car, and Dad behind the wheel and Dean wants to be anywhere but here, but he has nowhere else to go.

“Is Cas sad?” Dean asks.

“Is he—yeah he was hoping you’d be able to hear his song. Wait—can you?” Sam asks.

Dean shakes his head, which is dumb because now he’s basically nuzzling into Sam and Sam smacks him.

“No—I just—I felt? Sad?”

“Oh, cool,” Sam realizes, and then louder, “Dean can’t hear your song, but I guess he can feel it? Kinda? That’s a start, at least.”

The intense emotion Dean felt shifts entirely. It’s blue skies, open Kansas fields and the road ahead. Dean feels like he’s singing at the top of his lungs. Cas is in the passenger seat, smiling, with his hair tousled in the wind, one hand out the window as he lets the air slide between his fingers. They’re holding hands.

“Aww,” Sam coos, “Cas wants you to know—wait, Cas are you singing Ramble On?”

“I know what he’s saying,” Dean says, “can you tell him that I love him too?”

[caitybug]

(Also sorry you are working on sads and feel blegh) maybe Rain is too "mundain" as far as prompts. 5? 7? 8? Any of those sound fun? 😂

5. Typed kisses.

7. Kisses after decades apart.

8. Kisses after dark.

Birdy, bc I love you, I’m going to try to do all of these haha.

(Shoutout to @adamarks​ for looking this over to make sure I wasn’t going insane.)

(1:35): Good morning! 

(1:35): Snow, it’s 1 in the morning. 

(1:36): Why are you messaging me?

(1:36): It’s 7:30 here.

(1:36): It’s still morning, though. So my original text stands. 

(1:37): Good morning, Snow. 

(1:37):😘 😘 

(1:38): XO. 

Day 2:

(10:03): Let me know how your appointment goes. 

(10:03): XO.

(10:04): My what?

(10:04): Your check-up.

(11:05): You forgot about it, didn’t you?

(11:10): I’m here, I don’t know what you’re talking about, Baz. 

(11:12): You’re an idiot, Snow.

(11:12): 😘 😘 love you.

(11:13): I love you too, XO. 

Day 3:

(15:03): Do you think the milk is still good?

(15:04): When did it go bad?

(15:05): It says it went bad a few days ago.

(15:06): But the date says best by…

(15:06): So it just means it isn’t at its BEST right?

(15:07): How does it smell?

(15:07): Not good.

(15:08): Then don’t drink it.

(15:09): What if I just don’t know how milk is supposed to smell? How often do I really smell milk?

(15:10): Snow, just get more milk. I think we can spare the money it costs.

(15:10): But I’ve already started cooking. 

(15:12): I’m just going to try anyway. 

(15:12): It’ll be cooked anyway, right?

(15:13): I want it known I believe this to be a bad idea. 

(15:14): You also said that subscribing to three different butter services was “unnecessary and excessive”

(15:15): I stand by that, Snow. 

(15:15): How can one person eat that much butter each month?

(15:16): I can’t believe you would doubt my abilities like this. 

(15:16): I thought we were in a loving and supportive relationship. 

(15:17): I love you and support your health.

(15:17): Which means cutting back on butter sometimes, darling.

(15:20): I’m going to use the milk. 

(15:22): I wish you the best.

(15:22): 😘 😘

(15:23): XO. 

Day 5:

(7:40): How is your stomach?

(7:45): Better.

(7:45): I told you to buy new milk. 

(7:47): I think there is a stomach bug going around.

(7:47): Probably that.

(7:49): Sure, Snow.

(7:49): That’s why you spent yesterday regurgitating the entire contents of your stomach.

(7:50): Yes, it is.

(7:52): Have a good day.

(7:52): I miss you.

(7:52): 😘 😘

(7:55): I miss you too.

(7:55): XO.

Day 8:

(20:46): The people above us are pounding it out again.

(20:47): Earplugs are in my bedside drawer.

(20:47): If you were here I’d just try to compete.

(20:48): You certainly would not.

(20:50): I bet we could beat them.

(20:52): Come on, Baz, I know you’ve got a competitive streak. Don’t let Richard and Shelly show us up.

(20:53): You’ve got two hands, Snow. I’m sure you could manage something.

(20:54): Oh? Good idea.

(20:54): Talk later.

(20:55): 😘 😘

(20:57): I regret so much about this conversation.

(20:57): XO.

Day 13:

(14:05): YOU COME BACK TOMORROW!

(14:07): Please stop yelling at me.

(14:07): But yes, I do. 

(14:08): 😊 😊 😊

(14:09): I love you.

(14:14): I love you too.

(14:15): Can we facetime?

(14:15): In a couple of hours, Snow.

(14:15): I’ve got one more meeting.

(14:16): 😔

(14:16): Alright.

(14:17): XO.

(14:18): 😘 😘

Day 14

I get through security. It’s always a painful even, especially in America. Have to practically strip just to stand in a machine that tells everyone what I’ve already known. 

No gun here the machine says with a green light and a beep.

As if I’d need one. 

It’s been delayed several hours for a reason I’ve yet to figure out. The weather looks clear, planes are moving in and out. People on other flights are still departing on time. 

The only reasonable explanation I’ve come up with is the airline is incompetent. 

“Snow,” I say, putting a finger in my right ear, trying to ignore the man screaming at the poor help desk person. “I may not be back until tomorrow.”

I look at the clock. Even if we left now I wouldn’t get home until midnight.

“What? Why?” He asks. His voice sounds frantic.

I hate worrying him.

“This airline work flew me through is set upon ruining my life,” I growl under my breath. 

The service representatives have been berated enough, they don’t need me coming after them as well. (Even if I want to.)

(Crowley do I want to.)

“Right now it doesn’t have us leaving for another two hours, so at earliest I won’t be home until 3 in the morning. With the trend of how this has been going, I won’t be surprised if it gets canceled altogether.”

He huffs.

“I miss you.”

It comes out as a whisper, any quieter, and I would have missed it.

It’s not that he’s ashamed of saying it. We’ve said it a lot over the past two weeks.

He’s sad. I am too. I was supposed to be home by dinner. We were going to order takeaway and watch a movie, kiss and makeup for lost time.

Ignore all responsibilities of the world around us for the evening. 

“I miss you too.” I face the large windows, looking at planes that aren’t mine leaving the runway. 

The blasted airport is under construction too. Everyone said to fly in and out of La Guardia because it is easier, but I’m wondering if I should have taken JFK. 

“I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

“You better. Preferably before I drink more spoiled milk.”

“Stay away from all dairy products until I return,” I chuckle into the phone. 

An announcement comes over the intercom.

“They’re announcing another delay, I’m sure,” I groan. “I’ll send you a text.”

“I love you,” he says from the other side.

“I love you too,” I respond, ending the call and slipping it into my pocket. 

(14:36): I hope you get home soon.

(14:36): Threaten to suck their blood, or something.

(14:36): I’m sure that would work.

(14:36): 😘 😘.

(14:37): You’re an idiot, Snow.

(14:37): XO.

Day 15, 4:16

I turn my key in the door, trying to quietly walk into the flat. My suitcase softly rolls against the wood behind me as I pull it in, letting it sit next to the door.

Unpacking can happen after I get at least fourteen hours of sleep. 

I place a brown paper sack of scones on the kitchen table.

I couldn’t resist. The shop next to us had just opened, and I knew it would make him smile. 

I continue down the hallway, stopping only to take a piss.

In our room, still blanketed in darkness apart from the street lights coming from the road beside us, Simon softly snores. 

He still sleeps on his side of the bed while I’m away. It makes my heart feel softer than I’d like to admit. 

One hand rests next to his head, his wings spread out across the bed.

I change clothes, relieving myself of all the feelings of travel before softly lifting a wing to get under the blanket and allow him to cover me again.

I don’t have long to process the fact that I’m with him again before I feel something wrap around my calf. 

I pause for a moment before I remember.

The tail.

He is, for all I can tell, still asleep. Meaning it’s recognized I’m here and is saying hello in its own way.

I rub it softly with my other foot.

It dislikes not getting attention, you see.

Simon’s mouth is open as he breathes deeply. I think his pillow is a little wet.

I’d call it disgusting (it is, truly), but I missed him so much that I can’t help but smile.

I risk moving closer and kiss his cheek softly, trying not to wake him up.

I know he hasn’t slept well without me.

(I haven’t either, without him.)

Side effect of sleeping for so many years in that tower. We both got dreadfully used to hearing the other breathe, the way we each navigated and slept.

At this point, I think even his snoring lulls me to sleep.

(I still complain about it, however.)

An arm wraps behind my back and pulls me close.

He takes a deep breath, and when I pull back I see one eye open.

“Hey there,” he says, voice hoarse with sleep. 

“Your breath smells.” I lean in, kissing his forehead. 

“Well your hair is greasy,” he replies, pulling me into a kiss, his hand moving to my hair. 

“You don’t seem to mind it.”

He hums in response.

I pull him tighter. I need to feel this. Everything. 

His lips.

His hands.

His chest against mine.

“And you don’t seem to mind the morning breath,” he states, smiling at me as we break for a moment.

I open my mouth to retort but he puts a finger to my lips, shushing me.

“No talking, only kissing,” he whispers. “I’ve not kissed my fiancé in decades.”

He leans in but I pull back for a moment.

“It’s been two weeks, Snow.”

“Decades,” he states matter of factly. “Each day was like five years passed. It’s been 70 years. I’ve gone grey and wrinkly, waiting for you to return.”

I laugh, being shut up briefly by another round of kisses.

I should sleep.

But this is so much better than sleeping. 

I feel something wet hit my cheek.

Backing up, worried there is a leak from the ceiling, I realize why. 

It’s Simon.

“Love,” I say.

What’s wrong?

“It’s fine; it’s fine,” he says, wiping a stray tear from his cheek. “I’m just tired, and I missed you.”

Another tear drops from one of his eyes, and I brush it away with my thumb.

I open my mouth to say a response, to comfort, but I feel a stinging in my own eyes.

(My eyes have been open for too long, you see. Couldn’t sleep on the plane. I’ve been up far too long to be able to control any tears that fall.)

I lean in to kiss him again.

We kiss, and kiss, and keep kissing. Hands roam, trying to remind our brains of what it feels like to have each other again. 

It was dark when we started, but soon an orange haze comes over the room as the sun rises.

The tears start, stop, start again.

Laughter rings out a few times.

“You did WHAT to our oven??” I shout at one point. 

He lays now with his head on my chest. My eyes are closed, fingers scratching his head lightly.

His hand is softly rubbing my stomach.

“Wait,” Simon says, jumping up and looking at me.

I blink a few times, trying to fight off the sleep that was about to overcome me.

“Did you get?” He asks, question incomplete.

I search his eyes for a moment, frowning, trying to comprehend before I realize what he is saying.

“Yes, they are on the table,” I laugh softly.

He jumps up and starts to go to the door. 

He pauses, looking back at me, clearly wracking his brain with a question. 

“We can eat them in bed,” I say, knowing where his mind is trying to go. 

He smiles and continues his run to the kitchen.

I look out the window and see the sun hit the windows of nearby buildings.

It’s good to be home.

[inaflashimagine]

you know theodd1sout's video on family game night's intro? it got me thinking on what the happy au families' game night's like. who, like in the video, screams IM NOT GIVING MONEY TO A CRIMINAL during monopoly, who plays more strategic or luck based games? which family has more screaming matches?

I saw this intro for the first time and I replayed it again bc I laughed + pictured them as the Gojos😭

Someone in the Gojo family is screaming “I’m not giving money to a criminal!”...maybe they have a joint game night with the Getos and Gojo screams that at Suguru (obviously not a criminal in this au but lets say in this au he gets pulled over for speeding when he was with Gojo, and Gojo jokes that he’s a criminal and now he can use the joke again since Suguru is in monopoly jail...💀).

The Gojos would probably play more luck-based games and Satoru would be such a sore loser. He loves pulling the draw 4 and reverse cards every single time during Uno...And I don’t think he’d care if his kids are losing or not at a game he will not hold back. I still believe he would flip over a game board just so no one wins😭😭so much screaming in that household wear earplugs if you ever visit.

Nanami probably teaches his kids chess and other strategy-based games. Game night is so calm in that household, although you might hear some sniffling when Nanami tries to teach his kids chess because I also feel like he wouldn’t hold back just so they can learn. But with other games he’d probably let his children win.

Toji is a gambler LMAO so he’s teaching Megumi and Tsumiki poker, blackjack, any gambling card games you can think of. Game nights are so serious too because they’ll wager on doing chores or some other task no one wants to do in the house😭when Megumi and Tsumiki get older they start using actual money during these games and Toji also doesn’t hold back💀

Geto’s family might be a mix of strategy-based games and luck-based ones. Idk why I thought this but maybe every week they vote on which type of games they want to play😭he would let his kids win. I’m always soft for this man so I always picture wholesome vibes LOLL

But yeah in terms of screaming that’s going to be the Gojos. Maybe the Getos if they’re playing against the Gojos (bc they need to scream back fkkskakf)

[stressedspidergirlsfitnessblog]

Before I type this out let me just preface:

I can’t sleep with shit in my ears

The apartment management does NOT care

and I am PRETTY sure the upstairs neighbors are not white and I don’t want to be responsible for their deaths or their kids’

So unless your advice is something beyond: sleep with earplugs, tell management, call the cops, I just need to vent b/c I”m literally going insane.

Chest pains, hair falling out, headaches, hearing things even after they’ve stopped because I’m so keyed up to it I’m dying.

So, 330 this morning I got woken up by the screaming sex noises the neighbors make. Yesterday it was 4.

And then at 5 on weekdays their alarm starts going off. But no one turns it off. Ever. It just goes until a little after 6.

I’m in quarantine for exposure again with some covid symptoms, the rapid test was clear, but those are very very inaccurate, so I am getting a proper test today around 11:30 this morning. But I’m afraid to go run, walk, etc and pass someone while positive and get them sick. I’m afraid to go get groceries or just walk around somewhere to get away from the apt.

The loud music, the screaming phonecalls that I don’t think are supposed to be that loud.

The shrieking kids, who were outside yesterday and one decided to try and hit my dog’s face on the stairs as we went up past them. If we had been level and I had seen what she did I would have killed her I’m so on edge, so it’s a good thing I just saw him jerk and heard them say what happened. Plus I’m not sure they’re the upstairs people’s kids, just know there’s 2 girls above us, and 2 evil evil evil children who sometimes play outside and fuck with the dogs. Which means I try not to take them out when the kids r out but sometimes a dog’s gotta go.

Hair s falling out in handfuls, I’ getting no sleep, I can’t nap bc the neighbors NEVER EVER sleep I swear to GOD. So when I’m trying to nap there’s banging and crashing I can feel deep inside my chest as the light fixtures shake and rattle.

Let’s not forget any time I Try to get back to sleep my roommate is up at weird hours being just as loud as the people above us while he ghosts me yet again. I s2g if I kill myself or go back to self harm it’ll be just as much because of how much he makes me hate myself as the shit going on above me.

I’m stuck in an extremely volatile abusive shitty situation of an apt with no fucking way out for another 8 months and I am DYING. I don’t know what to do. Yoga keeps me sane for a few hours. I can’t just do yoga every 3 hours I”m so exhausted I can barely keep it together and I”m supposed to WFH this week while in quarantine. I just.

I’m so alone out here with the quarantine, and just... I feel utterly hopeless I can survive this kind of sleep deprivation and other things and I am TRYING so hard to be healthy and do healthy things and the pandemic helps no one, but like. I’m going to lose it. I had to buy little presson nails bcwhen I”m stressed I won’t know I’ve scratched a huge bloody hole into my skin until hours later or someone tells me I’ve done it/stops me from scratching. The little plastic fakes don’t let me get any lverage so I can’t do that.

I’m an adult who works 3 jobs to make things work, and being stuck at home with this kind of hell isn’t peaceful it’s soul crushing and I don’t even know what to do to get out of it. Like maybe if I didn’t somehow suck these kinds of suck things wouldn’t keep happening to me.

[leaveharmony]

The idiot, asked if he's coming up to go to bed: "What's the point of going to bed when all I hear is NOISE?"

Me, shouted at to stop screaming when he shut my hand in a car door, aged 7: ...

Me, shouted at to stop crying (because I might disturb the other campers) in the middle of the night with an earache so bad I thought I was dying, aged 6: ...

Me, told to "calm down" every time I laugh a little too loud for his liking: ...

Me, who now has a lifelong dependancy on sleeping with earplugs in because rather than making Jon move his hamster cage from the wall right next to my bed, I had to 'stop whining' and start wearing them instead: ...

Me, who has been woken up IN SPITE of the earplugs by him screaming at my mother from the living room about Obama: ...

Me, who spends 22 hours a day confined to a single room bc otherwise it's a nonstop barrage of hearing his television (and him yelling at his television): ...

Me, who has had actual chest pains for the past 10+ days because of the strain of being forcibly trapped here with him: ...

Me, privately, because it is always privately:  If this pandemic doesn't kill you I just might, old man.

[torc87]

A Metaphor and The Difference

So after my father refered to anxiety as nerves one too many times I decided to explain. It's not about feeling nervous. Anxiety is like

Having BLARING VIOLENTLY LOUD RED FLASHING ALARMS going off 24/7. Yes, you know there's no emergency. You know they aren't necessary. Can you turn them off?

No.

And it doesn't matter if you know everything is fine.

Spend a few days with those movie screen alarms yelling at you and you'll be tense and jumpy, snapping at people without meaning to.

You'll be stressed and overstimulated - the constant screaming and flashing red lights make you long for darkness and quiet.

You may spend a day doing something fun or enjoyable - and you'll be exhausted at the end of the day anyway. Doesn't matter that the alarms don't mean anything, that you don't have to do anything, they are still noise in your ears and visual input you need to constantly tune out. Tiring.

People will say - but everything is fine, WE don't hear any alarms, why don't you just relax, turn those off, calm down- and you won't know how to explain that the button to turn them on or off is broken, that you are just stuck listening to them day in, day out, that you have to do everything despite them. That they make everything harder even if you logically know there's no emergency. That knowing that doesn't help, just makes you worry that you won't recognize a real emergency bc you ignore the alarms so much.

That is what anxiety disorder feels like.

Social anxiety? Oh that's a different flavour of evil.

It's more like a malfunctioning hs fire alarm. It isn't on constantly, just when you are around people or having to interact w anyone. It may be constant too or it may just turn on randomly, unpredictably.

Said something?

BRIIIINGG BRIIIING BRIIING.

Didn't say something? Don't know what to say?

BRIIIING BRIIIING BRIIING.

And it's an important alarm, you can only ignore it so much.

So each time you get up, line up in front of the door, go outside and wait for someone to declare the school safe.

If you are lucky you HAVE firemen to check for you - a trusted person you can ask for an outside perspective. Less lucky? You just hope it's safe if you wait long enough and go back in when you have to, warily.

You can't avoid school ( social stuff), it's everywhere, too important, impossible to avoid and avoiding it makes the alarms worse, more constant.

So you deal.

Get up, go outside - and sometimes you don't and a few times there's an actual fire and you get mataphorically burned - so you go outside as much as you can, every time.

And it's EXHAUSTING.

It adds work to your day, disrupts everything bc your brain stops to have a fire drill.

And so each time you are around people you are tense, wary, ready for that alarm to go off any minute. Which makes any social interaction so much more work, so much more effort. So you start to dread them which makes the alarm misfires more common, but you can't ignore them bc what if they are real?

Social interactions are draining in ways you can't explain to those who don't have to worry, who deal w an alarm once or twice a year.

Phone calls? You work yourself up to it, maybe even the thought gets the alarm going so you may need to ignore the sound while you talk.

Which of course makes concentrating difficult. And raises the chances of real social missteps, of coming off as weird ( you are, you hear something no one else does in the minor conversation) which only confirms that sometimes the alarms are for real fires so you can't just ignore them - and the cycle continues.

And the COMPLETELY FUCKED UP thing is, that the natural thing to want to do, to avoid the situations that make the alarms go off, to maximize all situations where it's dark and silent?

It's the exact worst thing to do.

It makes the alarms louder, more constant, so much harder to ignore.

Only way to get them working right is to let them go off often enough, to work through it, to teach them by example that everything is fine and they don't need to be going off. To get a huge data set, ears hurting the entire time.

And meds help, work like earplugs, dark shades, not that the noise isn't there, but it's quieter, the lights not as bright. Easier to ignore until you desensitize yourself to things, get your body used to everything being alright so it turns the alarms off.

And even w the meds it's still hard work. Effort and fear and risk and weariness.

And it's the only way.

The only way out is through.

So Kudos to each and every one of you putting in that effort, doing what you need to despite that noise, living, surviving, not going completely crazy dealing with it. Even if all you did was breathe through it today? Kudos to you.