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egcarlos · 1 year ago

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Why I'm Here

It's always wet and muddy here in Bukavu

This week has been slower than what I expected my first week back with MSF would have been. I am still in the capital of South Kivu, Bukavu. I had a meeting yesterday with the medical coordinator of the project and she said that I will likely be out into the projects hopefully by Tuesday, but most likely Thursday of next week, depending on when I will get my work visa approved. Nonetheless, I am making use of my time here in the capital by trying to improve my French with the other ex-pats in the house. I’ve made another friend, his name is Mamadou, a nurse from Niger. At least three times a day he sits in the balcony to smoke his shisha. I take this opportunity to sit next to him and blab out whatever French I can muster. He doesn’t seem to mind my broken French and we’ve had conversations about religion, family, and politics here in the DRC and in his home. The Head of Mission, Sebastian is from France; despite the rapidity of his speech, I find it a little bit easier to understand. He is usually pretty busy so I catch maybe 10 minutes with him in the morning. Juan, who also goes by Jose is from Spain. Initially, I got very self-conscious talking to him in French because I couldn’t really comprehend what he was saying. Come to find out, his French was no better than mine, which is the reason why I couldn’t understand him.

But anyway, outside of my French speaking ventures in the house, I finally got to speak to the doctor that I will be replacing. Her name is Alexandra from Denmark. I received a text message this morning on my Whatsapp asking if I wanted to talk to her today. I of course agreed without hesitation because I am hungry for more knowledge and to gain at least whatever familiarity I can about the projects. Around 9 AM I walk to the MSF office and find her waiting for me with another ex-pat. They both speak English to me, which was not completely welcomed because I want to improve my French, but I go with the flow and to build rapport, continue to speak in English. Alexandra and I walk out of the MSF office and into a hidden coffee shop just about a 10-minute walk from where we were. The coffee shop is a gem here in the neighborhood; it is called Bazima Coffee. It’s a rather popular place for NGO workers as I notice we were not the only foreigners enjoying a drink. I ask for a hot chocolate as she orders a cappuccino and an ash tray as we grab a seat. Her story is quite interesting, and I enjoyed the conversation I had with her. Aside from the formalities in the beginning about project details that seem more or less verbal diarrhea for now as she was naming abbreviations, I was not familiar with and names of nurses and doctors that flew by my attention, we got into the conversation about stigma and its continued harm in the community. Because of the problem of stigma and gossip that eventually comes with it, sharing the HIV status of a person, even among health workers, is risky, especially if the health worker is part of the community. For the project, only the clinician and the health worker performing the test will know the result. From what I was told, rarely will it be written in the person’s hospital charts, nor will it be known by all the medical teams involved (for instance, if the patient is also getting a surgery, it is up to the surgeon to ask if that patient is HIV positive, if relevant for him/her). To me, this is inefficient and creates even more of a stigmatization of HIV, but at the end, this is it. Long-lasting change is going to be a long and tedious process in a context where the ministry of health is almost non-existent, where war and poverty are the norm and where health education is lacking. Change can happen, but it will not happen in the way that I want it to. This is one of the things that I learned working in my first project working in a similar context in South Sudan; MSF, more so NGOs are not going to be the answer to the situation in where they are currently working. We are here to help and to contribute in the best way that we can, but it will not be perfect, nor should we expect it to be. Alexandra has been working with MSF for the past 30 years, both as a field worker and as a referent and she gave me an interesting representation of what NGO and humanitarian work is like. She had me imagine several boats that were trying to get across a body of water. We, as the field worker, are at the beginning with all of the boats as their captain. We can try to push one of the boats forward- if the boat is ready, prepared with everything it needs to move, it’ll start moving forward at the pace it wants to. If it is not ready, no matter what I do as the captain, sometimes it will just not move. My job for this mission is to observe what boat I can start moving in the projects when I arrive.

I know the table above is in French, but just to summarize, the current positivity rate for HIV in Kalole is 3.59%. To put this into perspective, the positivity rate of HIV in the United States according to the CDC is 0.5% in 2021. The positivity rate in Kalole is about 7 times higher than it is in the United States.

But anyway, she leaves to go back to Denmark Sunday morning. She tells me that she has two teenage boys waiting for her when she gets home. She will also be back to her regular job as a pediatric infectious disease specialist in a local university and she will also be practicing medicine in Greenland for a little while as well.

At the end, this is why I’m here. My work as a humanitarian worker will just be a tiny drop in a vast ocean and it is up to me to make my time here significant. I’m here because I am an optimist; I'm here because i know that the tiny drop that i can contribute, although miniscule, is necessary for things to keep afloat.

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blackfemmecharacterdependency · 3 years ago

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♡ Final Space Quinn x Gary ♡

♡♡ Quinn x Gary’s Journey Links & Commentary ♡♡

This is a long ass post. I believe that it may be the most comprehensive Quinnary post on the site.

I combed through Final Space in order to chronicle this relationship. The most detailed portions might have taken place during a manic phase. The less detailed parts were probably done during a fairly normal (for me) state of mind. I didn’t work on it during any bouts with depression, despite having a few during the course of this project. For the most part, this oughtta all be accurate.

FOR THE HOMIES @space-finally Happy Super Belated Birthday! @shslargue @andromidagalaxie @daintyurbanprincess @sleepyfangirl18 @simplyender

One note: Some of these links are clips on YouTube, some are gifsets created on Tumblr (most of which come from @chookity-dookity and @jlassijlali), and some are to other miscellaneous posts. I didn’t think about notating which are which until I was pretty far into the record, so clicking each link will be different formats of the scenes. Most are either gifsets or clips. If I can’t find one, there is just me blabbing.

♡♡♡ SEASON 1 ♡♡♡

Boy Meets Girl: This initial meeting is super weird out of context. Gary seems like a complete and utter creep and nobody in their right mind would have been interested in this man if this was how he approached them. Of course, since then, we’ve learned that Gary has limited people skills from having only one decent parent who died when he was young, and also abandonment issues from having an indecent parent. He’s fortunately learned better since then.

I Don’t Want to Wake Up: This scene is one of the main reasons that Cookie Wife really didn’t make any goddamn sense in S2, but anyways, Gary really said that he didn’t mind not waking up if it meant him being with Quinn again, and this is before she’s ever trapped in Final Space or anything. Gary simply had her in his psyche as his greatest desire and she’s just there, missing him and wanting to be with him.

The Reunion

I.G. Takeover Command:

Quinn: For some reason, they’re trying to shut down my investigation.

Gary: What a bunch of nerds.

Quinn: They’re after me.

Gary: You, why? You’re perfect.

Quinn: (Tells them what the problem is and everything bad that transpired after that)

Gary:... (Tries to fucking flirt with her)

The Fighting/Flirting Scene of YIKES!: Soooooooooo... I can’t seem to find a clip of this or a gifset, but it was that part where the ship is being taken over by the Infinity Guard, the Sames are turning on the crew, and Quinn is literally punching Gary in the face while he insists that they’re flirting. What can you do besides like... be turned completely off. That was terrible. Thank goodness he’s grown.

Arguing over who saves the day... SHE knows exactly what needs to be done, but Gary is trying to prove himself and OMG. Like... I don’t understand how people didn’t understand Quinn’s frustrations with this man in S1. Lol.

“Alright. We wait for Gary.” I NEED y’all to understand the compromise that was made here. Quinn wants to leave Gary behind. Quinn explains WHY leaving Gary behind is the best thing to do for billions of lives. The rest of these fools talmbout they not leaving without Gary, and so she agreed... I INSIST that y’all acknowledge that Quinn has literally become an enemy of an intergalactic superpower to carry out this mission, standing up to not only her superiors, but all of the reinforcements that they’ve sent after her... but instead of fighting them on it (and we know that she doesn’t mind doing so, even when outnumbered and outgunned)... She AGREES. She states her case the one time, they say “No,” and she doesn’t push it. That’s actually a huge show of compromise for her. Would she have gotten her way if she pushed back? Probably not. But she wasn’t above pushback and she still chose not to in this situation.

Girl Remembers Boy: This man literally gets his finger snapped for not respecting boundaries. Was it WORTH IT GARY?

♡

Painfully Short & Clear I actually LOVE this spot in their development because of a couple of things that happened here. 1. He asked her why she wouldn’t give him a chance. 2. She answered, very clearly and reasonably. 3. He “broke up with her,” but more than that - his FOCUS when interacting with her became the root issue that she named “That doesn’t inspire a lot of trust.” After this moment, Gary repeatedly focuses on getting Quinn to trust him (and not so much asking her out or asking for another chance), but WORKING ON himself, in a way that he has been clearly told what problem she has.

Corruption Stew - So, okay... I like this little tidbit too, because it shows that Quinn, for all her genius and all her common sense, her faith in the Infinity Guard is so well constructed that she doesn’t even CONSIDER that they’re corrupt. But Gary, for all his bumbling and borderline inefficiency in a plethora of things... Can see it for what it is, and is outspoken.

She Don’t Trust You Knuckas.

Quinn Tries to Send Gary Away.

(This is Gary and Quinn’s first adventure together! )

Gotta go around...

Quinn confronts the Infinity Guard about the Lord Commander (Okay... I can’t tell if the clip is messed up or my computer is having issues, so... I mean... sorry if it’s janked up.) Her Face

Gary Begs Quinn Not to Join the Infinity Guard

Destroying the Laser

The Trust Save

“Healthy People Trust”

♡

Chapter 6 is one of my favorite episodes of this show. So many things take place, but for me, personally, I care the most about the development/revelations of Quinn and Gary in it.

Quinn VS Avocato:

Sidenote: As much as fandom pits Avocato and Quinn against each other, I certainly hardly ever see the two clips in the show where they had their big disagreements.

It just feels like such a crucial piece of lore.

Like... this is so close after the whole, "Healthy people trust," and Quinn's first response to this disagreement (which is a huge and world threatening disagreement), is to pull a gun, then they're basically in a life threatening situation and her takeaway ultimately was, "I can't believe I trusted you." It made me laugh a little bit the first time, because I was like... "Dawg... you pulled a gun," but also like... it IS a situation worth pulling a gun over.

And Idk if I would ever trust somebody again after that, but definitely after tying me to a chair. Lol. A MESS. Gary was right when he said there was really no good rebound after that... but he was also wrong, because there actually was and it took place in this episode.

TRANSMISSION BINGE WITH MOONCAKE!!!: Where I credit the origin of Quinn starting to fall for Gary. I love that you can tell that she’s changing her mind about him, even though she doesn’t SUDDENLY become into him or immediately loses her common damn sense over him, or anything like that.

“You can trust Gary.” - HUE

“That idiot” (affectionate) and the Incoming Transmission.

Quinn: H.U.E. Where’s Gary?

H.U.E.: Unclear. I have lost communications with him.

Quinn: Then, we’d better get down there and find him. We’re coming Gary.

(She doesn’t say that they’re going to go get “them” or name Avocato and his son. She specifically states that she’s looking for Gary and declares to Gary that she’s coming for him). Whenever she resumes communication with him, he says, ‘Oh Quinn, you really do love me,” and though she’s concerned about him, saving him and warming up to him, she quickly corrects that - even though the connection wasn’t great. Lol. Which is another reason that I hate whenever people suggest that Quinn just became a Gary prop when she “suddenly” caught feelings for him - because her feelings started developing as early as Chapter 6 (her feelings of trust, or at least trying to in the previous episode). IT DIDN’T JUST SUDDENLY HAPPEN WHEN THE WORLD WAS FALLING APART YOU HEFFAS.

Rescues Gary and the first exchange of warm smiles... you know... before Avocato ruined the moment by getting blown up!

J/K... But he did really get his ass blown up shortly after. Seconds 30-about 1.00 tho? - Quinn being super happy to see Gary alive. Her focus is solely on him as he and the others board, and she watches him, smiling (one of her BRIGHTEST SMILES THUS FAR, MIND YOU), and after he greets Mooncake, he looks up at her and they just... smile at each other...

She isn’t mad at him anymore. She hasn’t left the ship to go on her mission alone. And, she is happy to see him alive (after she saved him). I’m reiterating this because a lot of folk try to act like Quinn only beat and bullied Gary up until the moment that they went on a date, and while those stupid people are probably not here, at this PRO-QUINN post in this QUINN LOVING environment, I really love punctuating that Quinn showed emotional acceptance of Gary AS EARLY AS this event.

It wasn’t because he lost his best friend. It wasn’t because she was stuck with him. She could have left. She chose to watch his transmissions, chose to save HIM, specifically, chose to stay and obviously was pleased with that decision after he made it back safely.

♡

She was soft with him when we next saw them together in 7...

(Image: Quinn comforting Gary when Little Cato shuts him out) Gary’s Message to Avocato

Quinn sends Gary to talk to Little Cato. She doesn’t always have the emotional maturity it takes to ease the problems, but I love the fact that one of the aspects of Quinn’s personality is that she tries to get the best person to comfort others that she can find. (As she later does this when Gary is anguished over Fox’s death and she knows that he “needs” Avocato, instead of her. And to a certain degree, also Nightfall, who encourages Gary to step things up with Little Cato).

Sidenote - I think its interesting that in this instance, when she looks around the room and there’s Mooncake, KVN and some Sames, SHE is the one to approach Gary and comfort him. I love the thought of her assessing the situation and knowing that this is the time when she IS the best person to do this, and that she’s willing to (because she cares). And it makes me wonder if she hadn’t already tried to be there for Little Cato too, because she was right behind him whenever he went through the vent and I believe that she’s been keeping an eye on him.

The Good Stuff: “H.U.E. What is he doing?” PLEASE NOTE how Quinn only EVER asks about Gary, specifically. You might say, that’s because he’s the only other human there, but she does this a lot, whether or not he is. She ONLY ever asks specifically about Gary when he’s involved in group shenanigans or danger. Quinn calls for Gary when they hear explosions from the ship. “What was that? Gary are you okay? Gary?!”

Nightfall rescues them and reveals herself to Gary right as Quinn comes in to check on things. Quinn and Gary argue... well... Quinn fusses at Gary for doing some very ridiculous and immature shit. Though, between us, I think that Nightfall’s presence and Gary’s acknowledgment of her as Quinn was a sore sport that caused her to bounce back into her abrasiveness as a defense mechanism. Gary is being quite nonchalant, despite having just gone on a suicide mission with a young boy, in which, someone else had to rush in and save them and the kid wound up injured.

Quinn seemed more hurt than angry, to me. She’s avoiding even looking at Gary as she lashes out at him, and when he suggests that he leaves, this is one of the few times that she agrees with him in this season. She’s not agreeing with his ass. She’s upset and doesn’t want to see him right now, and her tone is totally different than it was whenever she first entered the room, saying his name. Quinn didn’t show up to fuss at Gary. She showed up to check on things and Gary was goofing around with some flirtatious chick who had not only just saved him but was acting all cozy with him. She was probably actually upset with what had just happened, but you can’t convince me that she didn’t have jealous rage prompting some of her anger in this moment. To the point where she’s about to let Gary leave and sign on for raising Little Cato while she’s on this mission. “Quinn, Gary can’t leave.” - Nightfall

When Gary leaves the mission...

Quinn VS Nightfall.: Nightfall binds Gary, is caught and confronted by Quinn about what she’s up to, tells Quinn Gary’s typical fate in every timeline, and tries to kill Mooncake.

Quinn Needs Gary/Team: “Gary Rescues Little Cato” I would like to point out, as some like to forget A LOT of the time, that Little Cato meets Gary and Quinn on the same day. Gary signs on to take care of him, because he’s Avocato’s best friend and Avocato asked it of him, but Quinn is there, instructing Gary on a few parenting things, being EXTREMELY upset with him when Little Cato gets hurt in the process AND, was about to let Gary LEAVE Little Cato with her, since in her words of anger, he had allowed this to happen to Little Cato. And Little Cato heard their conversation (because as soon as they left he got up to use Nightfall’s time traveling ship), so he also knew that Gary was getting prepared to leave him there with Quinn and he accepted it.

In this scene, Little Cato clearly cares about her, too, and we know he was fond of Nightfall, and had her around for 60 years. So, listen... Long story short - Little Cato loves Quinn and sees her as a mom figure. She never actually officially signs on for that in adoption, so he doesn’t ever call her mom or anything like that. But, realistically - that’s his mom-head, and his parental ties to her are very much so real, despite her not being a formal mother to him on paper.

♡

This Entire Episode, Really...

Gary having his ability crisis with Nightfall/Quinn

“We are not flying into a sun!”: Okay, okay, okay... I think about this a lot, because it highlights my thought process that Nightfall and Quinn were never the same Quinn. She’s an older Quinn, yeah - but not THIS Quinn as an older person. But... the way that Gary is talking to Sis in this episode... He don’t be talking to Quinn like that. Even in this episode, where he is highly distressed the entire time and full of anxiety, the snippiest he gets with her is sarcastically thanking him for not believing in him.

Fly Into the Sun: I love this scene because Quinn shows that even though (we know, as I pointed out in earlier moments, that she has feelings for Gary at this point), Quinn doesn’t suddenly become some passive prop that is just there to go along with Gary’s shenanigans. She tells him the truth - he’s not a good pilot, but she also gives him a chance to prove himself - please do not screw this up. Earlier Quinn would have fought Gary until he got out of the seat!

Bolo’s Mind Palace: Nightfall wishes him good luck. She’s always really cheerful and nice to Gary, despite him not really returning it and I have to wonder if some of Gary’s learning to pipe down a little with the over the top clinginess to Quinn wasn’t aided by seeing how uncomfortable it was for him whenever Nightfall seemed into him.

Quinn asks, “What’s going on with Gary?” which winds up being how they’re allowed to see the interaction between Gary and his father.

The Talk with John: Quinn’s facial expressions whenever Gary is talking about her goes from being pleased that he said he loves her “to the max core,” to being saddened when he says that he doesn’t think that she likes him.

Gary Loses His Dad (Again) ☹: You can see the pain on her face when she has to see this happen to Gary.

They KNOW it's about to happen. Even if they didn't know before today, they knew from watching it unfold. Their reactions aren't reactions of shock and horror so much as hating to see Gary go through this tragedy. Because they care about him. She clutches her pearls and says, "No." This isn't the first death she's seen, in her career nor in the time we've seen her on the show. This hits different. This hurts her. She hates seeing this happen.

Whenever she consoles him with Little Cato, she chooses similar wording to the very thing that the person he loved most had just said to him.

Gary and Quinn are on the same page 😊 I presume this because Nightfall goes away. I think that she realized that Quinn was finally where she and Gary were in tuned enough that she didn’t need to stick around.

♡

After John’s transmission and Quinn’s speech (I can’t find a clip or gifset), Gary tries to ask Quinn “something” during battle. (It’s to go on a date) 🥺🥺🥺

He’s persistent about it, but not in that way that he used to pester her. Instead, this is more like... He chose a bad time, but then again, they might not have had time in the future. So, persistence is endearing here, in my opinion. PLUS, he wasn’t so distracted that he couldn’t still save her from danger. (Gary saves Quinn during discussion)

KVN’s save & “Gary, give him a little something”

Quinn agrees to go on a date with Gary. Worth noting: Yes, they think that they’re about to die. That’s actually what makes this even more meaningful to me. Before she dies, Quinn wants to know why Gary even likes her, and whenever he answers, he includes his definition of love. Quinn, in what she believes are her last moments is ready to agree to go on a date with Gary. She knows that they can’t go on a date. They’re about to die. What she’s really agreeing to in this moment is to be willing to take a chance on Gary. She could have said that there is no love here or too bad it’s too late, or something. But, she tells him yes, for once, to one of his inquiries about them, after he speaks about love and before what they think is their certain death.

The fact that they live wasn’t something they expected. I’ve already said that I think that she had her feelings long before this, but several things happen this episode in which those feelings are brought out of her, into the light, into Gary’s awareness and into the rest of their relationship. I think this was the moment that their path together truly started. When she finally said “Yes” to him.

Gary & Quinn’s “First Date” I really appreciate that even though everything is about to go to hell, they still get this moment in the place where they first met.

Honestly, this was simply funny to me. Y’all tryna save the world and Gary is tryna “bring it.” And Quinn looks like she’s into it. 😉

First Hand Hold 💘💘💘

Quinn becomes playful with Gary and allows him to flirt with her. She ALSO seems to want to say more to him. Whenever they’re underwater, she seems like she is going to say something else, but decides on, “This is actually a pretty good first date...” immediately after which, she rescues Gary from getting harmed and takes the blow herself, which knocks her unconscious.

* It is very important for me to point out the fact that Quinn rescues Gary here, placing herself in danger in order to save him, because I never see this scene anywhere outside of watching the show and I hardly ever see it discussed, either. The narrative that Quinn doesn’t care about Gary or that he’s always saving her, or that their relationship is one sided now has another example against it. For reference, I can tell you that it happens in episode 9, at the 14:30 timestamp, but I couldn’t find a clip and I can’t remember if there’s a gifset that I ever saw for it. My friend made this for me specifically for this post.*

The World is Falling Apart... Now... I’m also gonna simply challenge the idea that Quinn suddenly became a totally different person in this episode and suddenly was interested in Gary without reservations... That shit ain’t happen. Quinn very much still had some reservations about Gary and their relationship, despite having already began feeling deeply for him, she still doesn’t bend to every whim he has. (Hard maybe) They once again think they’re about to die and while Gary does ask her to be in a relationship and she doesn’t say no, there’s not a huge proclamation of love or a big kiss or anything like the descriptors that people have claimed here. All they do in what they think are their last moments is hold each other.

Mooncake. “He stays with us” 🥺 Gary and Quinn are next to each other, ready to go to war together. GOD I LOVE THEM!

SEASON 1 FINALE:

This episode is very important, because not only is it the last time that we see Quinn for a really long time, but it is the place where Quinn makes some hard decisions that I believe that she was contemplating before they got to this point. She always intended to be a hero. She always intended to save the world... She never intended to fall for Gary. But, that happens and now she has this journey. This journey with Gary, that she can tell is coming to an end.

When Gary gives his speech and he says that they’re “family,” Quinn nods her head and when he says, “We find each other,” she smiles.

A death sentence. The plan with the hawk. “Make us proud.” She puts some faith in Little Cato.

“Why are you fighting me?” Gary has actually been following Quinn’s lead for a little bit, swooping in to save her when necessary, but listening to her plans and leading whenever he sees fit. He hadn’t straight up went against something she set out to do, and hadn’t even argued with her in a while. And here... there is SO much going on. Nobody says “I love you,” even though the conversation makes it clear. His struggle to both support her but also to save her. Her insistence to carry out this mission because she knows its her life work, but still knowing that most likely she won’t make it out of this. His vow to make sure that he helps her. And that kiss...

The kiss was like... Let’s just revisit it in the way that I have so many times.

She MIGHT have known that this was goodbye. We can only presume. Look at her sad look afterwards. She told Gary “Don’t die on me,” but whenever he tells her that he wants more when she gets back, she doesn’t say anything about coming back. She knows, scientifically, what she’s up against because of her equations and this, for real, for real, this time... for her... this is likely goodbye. She doesn’t know of any possible way that this ends up in some type of rescue for her. “It’s both of us. Always has been...”

Losing Earth/Quinn’s Sacrifice Whenever she contacts him, her voice is so soft. Gary has just literally watched the Earth be taken. She has just watched the mission fail... She KNOWS what has happened in the past lives. She is already apologetic. She is apologizing to Gary. He expected her to come back. She knew better all along, and now she’s run out of time. Gary is more upset by her decision than what just happened to the Earth. It’s one of the most heartbreaking goodbyes...

“Which Way is Quinn?”: Gary sets us up for the ENTIRE MOOD of the next season with this line of questioning that he has. His body is ready to die, but he has this energy inside of him - call it thought processing, call it a soul, whatever - but Gary is determined not to die, because he has things worth living for, searching for, fighting for. His family. Which way is Little Cato? His son. Which way is Mooncake? His beloved... companion? I don’t like to think of Mooncake as a pet, but we know that technically he holds Avocato as his “best friend” so I can’t really call him that. Which way is Quinn? His soul mate... and with that... he comes back to and spends the rest of his time reuniting with them.

THIS WENT ON FOR SO LONG that I’ve decided to give it in parts. Seasons 2 and 3 will be separate from this post. After I’ve posted them, I will come back to include the link(s) to them here.

Thank you for your time! I intended to have this posted for a friend’s birthday, but halted work on it for the months that I was without a laptop. Final Space is over, but Quinn and Gary are forever for me.

#Quillective #Quinn Ergon #Quinnary #Quinn x Gary #Final Space #ships #Quinnary Moments #Quinn x Gary’s Journey Links & Commentary #long post #Quinn Ergon Commentary #otp #black female love interests #black female cartoon characters #This is one of the longest posts I have ever worked on #I have to split it up #This is Part 1 #Quinnary Moments Part 1 #BFCD Reviews by Nesha

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kob131 · 4 years ago

Note

Looks like Hbomberguy's hours long crap is up(publicly).

“Made a legendary animator, his most trusted colleage (shows Shane) and two-”

People he outright went to and he acknowledged were better writers, thanks for admitting that HBomberguy and not be an insulting jackass right?

“RWBY’s failures matter because it could have been something-”

So could Twilight- That means nothing at this point other than ‘I made a bunch of headcanons and the show dared to not follow them.’

‘It’s easy to see why this show has such a devote fanbase because it frequently threatens to become good-”

So did Fairy tail (except for real) and that died out. Also you are really chipping away at my goodwill

‘People say what it promised!”

You mean this?

‘Weaken REAL criticism by being given too much attention-”

Hypocritical much douchebag?

“*insert a bunch of sarcastic bullshit mocking critics of RWBY*”

*rolls eyes* You say as you mimick them down to using the DEAD.

‘It’s separated into two eras with issues that don’t necessarily overlap-”

Bull. Fucking. Shit. Most of RWBY’s problems now ORIGINATED in the early Volumes.

“If you’re a fan of the show you’re probably gonna dread what I’m about to say and if you’re a fan of the second half then you’ll probably agree with what I’m about to say-”

Considering you’re stupid sarcasm is just a less smug version of what I do, pretty clear ‘agreement’ and ‘actual good point’ are very different here.

“If you love RWBY and are still gonna watch, thank you and I love you for joining me on this journey.”

Less a journey and more a Seven Page Muda but sure.

“My goal isn’t to make people think less of the show-”

Which is why you openly insult it in the beginning.

“-but to think more about it.”

So far you’ve shown about as much understanding of the show as FloofArtist, complete with hypocrisy. And considering what I’ve heard about your video, you’re not getting better.

“I hope to give credit where credit is due-/It’s said failure is the best teacher-”

Which is why you openly insult people.

“’Rooster Teeth is starting game development!’ *insert insulting Steam Statistics*’

Fucking wonderful. Like you haven’t already tested my patience.

“*gushes about the Red Trailer after about eight minutes of recaping*”

Cool, eight minutes wasted on knowledge that EVERY RWBY fan knows. Literally every RWBY fan knows the origins of RT and Monty and the bitch basic knowledge of how they came together. You seem to have targeted this to RWBY fans and yet to blab about shit that you get after looking at the fandom for 2 seconds.

To say nothing of how you prove something was wrong with the Red Trailer. Namely, you never mention a plot, a personal conflict, a display of character or anything other than ‘cool music!’ and ‘animation!’ despite the show being pretty plot dependent.

*Gushes about the White Trailer*

Yet another bitch basic gushing with nothing of substance to it. For a guy who says he wants people to think critically about RWBY, you sure don’t do that for what is considered the basis of the show. It’s just talking about shit you like instead of anything worthwhile.

*Yet more gushing with the Black Trailer.*

... You know, I watch these kinds of videos searching for some kind of intellectual stimulation. Something to make me think and engage with. Right now, I get more stimulation and engagement from RWBY itself than a supposedly critical video that doesn’t even have to bother with anything original.

“The show already has generic monsters who just want to destroy humanity and yet you have written your characters to act exactly the same-”

And within your own bitching, you discovered the counter. The Grimm have nothing really to explore about them outside giving them variations and powers whereas the human characters can have these things called ‘motives’ and ‘reasons’. Not to mention even you would say people act like that in real life *cough* anyone NOT of your political alignment *cough*.

“And the audience is left with one lingering though...he can make that jump.”

youtube

How does it feel that Family Guy did a better version of your joke?

“She’s written like two adult men who have never written anything professional before except Red Vs. Blue wrote a Teenage girl-”

.... Monty wrote her based off her voice actress. You’ve also made me regret ever using this same insult against Miles and Kerry so congrats on that.

*Even more gushing...*

You know, I am legitimately considering rewatching the Persona episode of Game Theory because at least MatPat’s faffing about is short and he has more content in his first eighteen minutes than this.

“More people have gone back to watch the trailers than watch actual episodes of the show!”

The trailers are the first thing people would watch to know about the series- no shit they’d be higher in view count.

“It’s so hard to not be onboard with the trailers!”

It’s actually very easy, especially in their release.

Why? Simple, a lot of the depth in the trailers only exists with context from the show itself. The White Trailer is cool and all but it’s symbolism and deeper meaning comes from Weiss’ backstory and the truth depth of Blake leaving Adam and what it causes is found in the show, the two best trailers while Red is just mindless fun that you can get better from other places and Yellow is just kind of neat.

How the fuck am I the more critical of the two of us so far?

“Then the show actually came out and it was terrible-”

Piece of advice, don’t follow this up with a super janky, uncanny valley 3D animation that makes Volume 1 look appealing.

“RWBY isn’t just a bad show, it’s a bad show that could have been something-”

*cracks neck*

The idea that RWBY or any show ‘had potential’ is most often used when a person once had a fondness for the property in question but has long since lost the goodwill to see it in a positive light, trying to make up for the cognitive dissonance of the conflict between liking what it once was and disliking what it is now. The issue here is that these so called ‘issues’ are born of the original creator who either founded the show or helped found it which means that it was pretty much DESTINED to be this way as the creator’s specific interpretation of their own work is what resonated with you in the first place and was likely built up to in the subtle inner workings of the show, thus making the big changes you want so badly would cause a ripple effect that would have affected your past impression of the show because everything in a show is connected. And in all likelyhood, your impression would have soured no matter what.

Tl;Dr- ‘It had potential!’ is self defeating and stupid.

‘The creators are receptive to criticism!...well, they try to be.-”

Oh boy I can’t wait for Mr. ‘kill half of all babies’ to try and speak about THIS topic.

“You don’t engage with any of the good faith criticism and just reward shitty people with attention. And I hope to show them that as a lifelong fan of RT and Monty Oum, that I’m saying this thinking RWBY could have been good...and still could be.”

Says the man who when referencing Miles for the first time, actively SEPERATED him from being a ‘treasured college’ of his friend and insulted him with Yang even though the fault lied with MONTY.

All while referencing a tweet where he chews someone out for saying EXACTLY WHAT YOU ARE SAYING ( ‘God this is why i hate this fandom. You miss the point. If I critise the show I'm a hater because you worship it. I'M OFFERING CRITISM U IDIOT SO THE SHOW SEES ITS FAULTS AND FIXES THEM. HOW THE FUCK CAN U KEEP MOVING FORWARD IF YOU DON'T IDENTIFY YOUR OWN FAULTS AND LEARN’). Yeah great job there jackass- How exactly are you any different from this fucker?

So that’s my thoughts on the first twenty or so minutes. Can already tell it’s gonna be shit.

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dudeandduchess · 5 years ago

Note

Hi! I'm gonna ask for something weird, but can I have Time travel AU with Sanemi and his S/O meeting his mom? I just want her to know that her little boy will find happiness. Hope it's alright? Thank you!

Hello, bby! It’s not weird at all, and it’s quite alright. I hope you like it! I’m so torn between leaving this as it is, and making a second part to finish the story. Oof. D:

My most favorite part while writing this has to be the paradox wherein Sanemi kills his own father. That brain fart of mine actually made me giddy. Ahaha.

***

Sanemi x F!S/O: Time Traveling AU (SFW Scenario):

Warnings: Language, Mentions of Abuse, Minor Character Death, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Manga Spoilers, Angst

Sanemi felt like cursing, but he couldn’t exactly let the string of curses fly at that moment, as he was too busy gritting his teeth together to keep himself from screaming in pain.

The demon he and (Y/n) had been fighting had such a strange blood art that had landed them back to the past. He didn’t know at what point in time they were at, but it was evident that it was the past, judging by all of the buildings surrounding them.

And the blasted abomination hadn’t bothered to blab about anything except the bare necessities of his blood art: that he had the capability to send them back in time, they would be trapped there forever, and that both of them might die of insanity.

The area was really familiar to him, and a longer look at his surroundings— with added effort of going through his memories— told him that he was back in his old, shitty hometown.

“Fuck,” He finally managed to say through his teeth, just as his arms wrapped themselves tighter around (Y/n)— as if that would protect her from the horrors that she was about to see.

If memory served him right, and if they were in the exact time he thought they were at, then they would be able to encounter Sanemi’s family…

Maybe even a younger Sanemi himself.

“Oh good, you’re alive,” (Y/n) blurted out in relief, as she sagged against her lover’s body completely.

The Wind Hashira grunted and rolled his eyes. “What kind of fucking greeting is that? You want me to die so badly, so you can replace me with some other bastard? Fat chance.”

His pain grew with every word that passed from his lips, but he couldn’t seem to hold back his barbed reply; as it was something that was a minuscule resemblance of normalcy in the clusterfuck that they had been thrown into.

“As if I would even dream of that, Sanemi,” The young woman answered with a light laugh, before pushing herself up onto her hands and knees.

And with a pained grunt, she staggered up onto her feet, before offering her hand to her downed lover.

Sanemi accepted her proffered hand, and pulled himself up, despite the stabbing pain he felt in his right leg. It felt like he had broken something, but there was no time to lament on that; they had to get out of there.

And he was about to grab (Y/n)’s hand, when he heard the loud cries of ‘stop’, ‘mom’, and ‘please’ pierce the calm morning air. They sounded so familiar to him, that he couldn’t bear to ignore the frantic pleas.

He was about to set off towards the sounds of the crying, when (Y/n) grabbed him by the back of his jacket.

“Sanemi…” She began with a frown.

“It’s them, (Y/n). I have to… do something.” The couple stood there for a short while, contemplating whether to push through with their plan to help the ailing family. But when (Y/n) still looked unsure, the Wind Hashira explained further, “We’re here… in my old village. And I just know that it’s them— me— crying out for it to stop.”

(Y/n) knew what had happened during Sanemi’s childhood, and she didn’t know how much she had cried for the child that her lover used to be, but it was against their code of conduct to harm other humans. And she was sure that he was bound to end up doing something to harm his abusive father— one way or another.

He might even end up killing the damn bastard.

And, as the two of them had a silent conversation, the doors to one of the houses slammed open, and a tall, robust man walked out— dragging a frail-looking woman by her hair.

“Stay inside! Close the door! Don’t let anyone inside!” The woman yelled, all while tears ran down her cheeks. She gripped the man’s hands for dear life, yet he showed her no mercy as he dragged her towards the edge of the river.

That caused Sanemi to spring into action. (Y/n) wouldn’t have been able to stop him, even if she tried; not that she would have.

Because, for Sanemi to see his mother suffering under his father’s hand once more triggered something untethered inside him. It made him feel unhinged; not completely in control of himself.

He could feel his rage consuming him entirely, and he made no point to reign his temper in as he drew his sword and took off running towards his bastard of a father.

In one swift movement, he had already run his blade through the imposing man a multitude of times. He wouldn’t have even stopped, had the bastard not fallen into the river that he was initially going to throw his wife in.

“Sanemi?” The delicate woman whispered— almost as if she were in awe— which was understandable. Because right in front of her stood the older version of her son; one that still looked like the child she had left inside the house, yet very different.

The Hashira couldn’t hold back his tears, no matter how hard he tried. He simply got down on his knees— unmindful of the pain lancing through his leg— as he gathered his mother into his arms.

The mother and son pair sat there for the gods knew how long, with both of them clutching tightly to each other while they cried their hearts out.

“I’m so sorry, okaa-san,” Sanemi whispered over and over. “I’m so sorry.”

There was no context in what the Hashira’s apology was about, yet his mother simply petted his hair and murmured reassuring words to him; words saying that it was alright, that there was nothing to be sorry for, and that there was nothing to forgive— because Sanemi could do no wrong.

She simply accepted him as he was— with no need for any explanation as to why he was there and how he came to be in that timeline.

The exchange between the pair in front of her brought tears to (Y/n)’s eyes; and before long, she realized that she was also swiping frantically at the onslaught of her own tears.

However, she froze when two pairs of eyes turned towards her. She hadn’t even realized that they were talking about her— until Sanemi gave her a watery smile, before holding his hand out. And she, in turn, placed her hand in his and squeezed it tightly.

“Okaa-san, I’d like you to meet my wife.”

#shinazugawa sanemi #shinazugawa sanemi x reader #sanemi shinazugawa #sanemi shinazugawa x reader #sanemi x reader #kny sanemi #kimetsu no yaiba sanemi #kny x reader #kny request #kimetsu no yaiba fanfic #kimetsu no yaiba #kimetsu no yaiba requests #demon slayer fanfic #demon slayer #demon slayer requests #anon #ask #jen writes #angst

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pass-the-bechdel · 6 years ago

Text

Dollhouse s02e04 ‘Belonging’

Does it pass the Bechdel Test?

Yes, once.

How many female characters (with names and lines) are there?

Four (40% of cast).

How many male characters (with names and lines) are there?

Six.

Positive Content Rating:

Two.

General Episode Quality:

Strong, despite how obsessed this show is with its own rape fantasies.

MORE INFO (and potential spoilers) UNDER THE CUT:

Passing the Bechdel:

Priya meets Echo at the art showing.

Female characters:

Priya Tsetsang.

Echo.

Sierra.

Adelle DeWitt.

Male characters:

Topher Brink.

Nolan Kinnard.

Harding.

Victor.

Boyd Langton.

Dr Makido.

OTHER NOTES:

Oh, golly, I’m so glad we’re following up on the mustache-twirling Boss-level misogynistic rapist responsible for Sierra being a sex slave. Let’s do an episode about it!

Yeah, see, calling Nolan a ‘raping scumbag’ is meaningless when you’re part of an organisation that provides victims to rapists on a daily basis. And it’s hypocritical coming from Adelle specifically, since she has also repeatedly utilised Dollhouse services (and, as a strong-arm recruiting agent for the same, she is also responsible for forcing people into the Dollhouse in the same way as Nolan is, just on a larger scale. The pot really calleth the kettle black). Harding makes both of these points in the ensuing scene, and that really undercuts the idea that the show has any business expressing moral outrage over the situation. The only difference between Nolan and any other client is that he maneuvered Priya into the Dollhouse system so that he could prey on her, and considering that the Dollhouse happily played into that by taking Priya on (despite the fact that she appeared to be so emotionally disturbed that she couldn’t possibly sign away her rights on their bullshit consent form anyway), there’s really no ethical leg to stand on here. I’m not making excuses for Nolan - far from it - but the effort to frame him as an Ultimate Evil Bastard is insanely tone-deaf for a show that plays happy twinkly music for the romantic engagements of what it deems ‘nice rapists’.

Victor destroying the black paint is really lovely. I wish that his developing love story with Sierra wasn’t so tied up in him being the ‘good guy’ vs all these rapists, that him being good to her and for her wasn’t also about her being ‘broken’ by other men, because the simplicity of them bonding even in doll state as well as being drawn to each other even when imprinted for other purposes, that has the makings of something beautiful that is then tainted by its inextricable relation to this show’s misogyny obsession. I’m not happy about it.

Echo is taking a back seat for this episode, so she’s not gonna get hit in the face. Don’t worry though: Priya is gonna fill the gap by being violently beaten and then threatened with rape at knife-point.

Nolan talking about how ‘struggle is a turn-on’ is exactly the kind of voyeuristic language I was talking about back in season one in regards to writing rape fetishisation without actually showing a rape onscreen. Rapists talking about how exciting it is to be rapists. This doesn’t need to be here.

Obviously I’m delighted to have Nolan stabbed to death, but just like when November killed Hearn in season one, I really wish that being violently beaten first wasn’t treated like a prerequisite for women disposing of rapists on this show.

I mean, they didn’t HAVE to take Priya back to the Dollhouse. Or they coulda just brought her back, wiped this experience, re-imprinted her as herself and shipped her off again. She can’t blab about the Dollhouse if she doesn’t know about it, and she’ll just run along back to Australia and it won’t be a problem. They don’t actually bother to explain WHY they would have to bring her back, and it’s especially bad since this means she’s back to, y’know. Being used as a sex slave. Literally where is the ethical compass here?

WOULDA BEEN A WAY BETTER EPISODE IF THIS SHOW HAD A MORAL BACKBONE. And - like the previous episode - it’d also be better if it weren’t a continuation of this show’s FUCKING GODDAMN MISOGYNY PROBLEM. The good news is, they finally did some serious stuff with some of the under-utilised assets on this show, and the benefits are immediately evident (Ballard isn’t in this episode and Echo is relegated to a minor, barely-there subplot, and the story sparkles with unforced characterisation and life and the sense of the narrative existing within an established universe of context for once). There are some really, really amazing actors in the supporting cast of this show, and they have the power to rescue it from the depths - if briefly and incompletely (no one can change the fact that it’s Joss Whedon’s Rape Fetish Hour just by being a good actor) - and the best episodes of this show tend to have that in common; almost every time Echo is decentralised and either someone else takes the fore, or the story is more balanced across an ensemble, the quality level of the show lifts measurably. It’s really obvious. Not rocket science.

#Dollhouse #Dollhouse season two #Bechdel Test #female representation #Belonging

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xoruffitup · 6 years ago

Video

youtube

Just want to flail over Adam’s parts? People, I AM HERE FOR YOU. Here’s a time-stamped cheat sheet of Adam’s comments and generally precious moments. (Basically Round 2 of my overall flaily recap of this panel right after it happened.)

I start the video and my heart freaks out remembering when he first walked on stage. Get me a paper bag before I pass out... His little ‘Hello!’ and one-handed wave when he walked out I was already deceased.

1:35 - Everyone please just watch this adorable tall man awkwardly sit and fidget and bite his lip and make his oh god public attention face

11:25 - Adam makes no judgments about his character’s morality. He empathizes more with Ben Stiller’s character in the While We’re Young film than with his own, but recognizes that his own feelings about the character are irrelevant; as are his feelings about his own performance.

“It’s not about me feeling it, it’s about an audience feeling it.”

I’m constantly struck by his humility and maturity in always thinking of himself as only a small part in every film project, regardless of how large his role might be. He’s hyper-aware that none of it is about him, and becomes uncomfortable when people try to make it so. Although he explains here that he relates to the “debilitating” pressure to play a role correctly or authentically, and we know that he constantly over-thinks and scrutinizes his own work to the point of not being able to watch himself on film; He also recognizes his personal gratification with his performance comes second to the overall story being told. Internally, he might hold himself to high personal standards, but he never presumes those standards should be projected on anyone else. He finishes this answer with “Who am I to say if they’re right or wrong?” (If audiences respond to a less authentic version of a work.)

I would love to hear him answer this same question about Kylo’s character.

27:50 (One of the moments when I had to physically restrain myself from flailing in my seat because he’s so damn presh) - The moderator tried to “bring back Adam” because he’d hardly spoken so far, and Adam goes “I’m good, I’m good.” Ben Stiller interjected, “Can I just say something about acting with Adam?” and Adam immediately shakes his head and waves his hand in a silent “Please no”, but then very magnanimously tells Ben to go ahead, even while squirming in his seat a tiny bit while Ben talked about him.

29:00 - Adam says Noah’s writing is very “theatrical.” I did find it interesting how he talked here about a whole range of different potential meanings within the same words of a script, depending on how they’re delivered. I also love when he talks about working in theatre, just because I have a soft spot for stage actors.

(Watching this whole video back makes me realize Adam really did quite effortlessly and unconsciously charm the audience (not just me), even speaking so little compared to the other panelists. I remembered clearly when he had his ~showdown with the moderator towards the end the audience was 100% on his side, clapping for him, but generally there are so many audience laughs for the little self-deprecating jokes Adam mixes into all his answers.)

31:10 (Alert alert, fangirl moment) - Perfect capture of how he fiddles with his fingers and listens so attentively.

33:28 - THAT L A U G H

35:08 - My other favorite funny/presh moment! “There’s humor in doing the same things in life and still trying to make them more efficient... Like I still don’t think I’ve ever gotten into a car the right way.” (Confused audience laughter?) Then Adam gets serious with chagrin right away like “...that was a bad example...” (Audience continues laughing with him even though most people probably don’t get it.) He made a last-ditch effort to explain himself by saying “the Tesla” - but didn’t quite get to fully explain that he was referring to the uber-modern Tesla car that was driving him around the island over the weekend. Regardless, everyone found it amusing and I was there like I stan a man who can’t get into a car right WHAT A GEM

36:27 (Alert alert, another fangirl moment) - Everyone please just watch him take a drink of water. Why every single damn thing he did was totally mesmerizing to me I don’t know, but you’ll thank me later.

46:13 - The moderator mentions Paterson screened at the Nantucket Film Festival several years ago. Adorable moment where he goes to start listing all the famous people from Paterson and has to give up with “...and a bunch of other people I can’t remember right now.”

47:10 - Hilarious moment but first strike against the narrator. Ben Stiller had to ask Chris Matthews if Paterson was the first movie he’d seen Adam in because yeah, he’d kind of been neglecting Adam a bit (not that Adam minded, clearly), but Ben went “...he’s also in Star Wars,” and the whole place cracked up.

49:10 - Non-Adam moment, but I was really intrigued with Noah Baumbach’s comment here, talking about developing his dialogue and how “there’s communication, and then there’s talking.”

50:10 - THIS IS IT, FOLKS, THE GOLD MINE OF ADAM CHARM AND SASS. THE LEGENDARY MOMENT IS NEARING. Watch Adam’s life flashing before his eyes in a panic when the question “Who is the most influential person in your life” is suddenly thrown at him. He wasn’t ready for this!! (Although great question, Rea, so glad it was asked!) Then after he says he’ll pass on the question, you can see him basically flying to Mars in his head pondering. Then the cuteness and laughter when he announces he does have an answer!! He was 1000% the whole audience’s darling by this point. Then his answer is basically, “Listen to how insightful my wife is because she’s the best.” Then after boasting about his wife it’s right back to his modest self: “On to the next question and then I’ll finish this monologue...”

LOOK, okay he wasn’t even talking for that long! He’d given what, 3 answers before this during the whole hour-long panel?! The moderator himself blabbed at least twice as much. I was loving this monologue because it was the first time Adam was actually talking for an extended time. But apparently we can’t have nice things becomes here comes Mr. Rude-ass, Clueless Moderator...

(Also, Ben and Noah were 100% engaged with what Adam was saying so literally this was only the moderator’s problem...)

52:32 - The moderator audibly sighs into his microphone in the middle of Adam’s “monologue” and I’m SO glad Adam unpretentiously called him out: “.....Are you bored by my answer?” The whole audience laughed in sympathy with him because it was so weird and rude? Then Adam went on to be even more of a clever QT like: “You were thinking about another question? That’s what I was doing during your answers...” And the man is so straight-faced about it you genuinely can’t even tell if he purposefully meant that well-done, five-course ROAST.

I cringe so hard at this memory I can barely watch it back, but ughhhh queue the moderator interrupting Adam’s attempt to resume his answer, with some bullshit about Jeff Goldblum... What even? Jeff Goldblum was mentioned once in the panel previously, but wtf how does your mind go there when Adam Driver is giving a painfully earnest, precious, and over-thought monologue for you???

52:50 - “...SO STAR WARS.” BOOM. In three words Chris Matthews has been KO’d. omg look at the almost proud look on Noah’s face like yeah you tell him bb and Ben’s cracking up, and the whole audience flips out like DAMN, SAVAGE!!!

(Also for ~context reference, walking out from the auditorium afterwards, I remember overhearing two guys saying to each other “Chris Matthews was like one of those old guys who just blurts whatever’s going through his head.” “Yeah but you’d think when you’re talking to Adam Driver you’d be more respectful and reign it in.” and in my head I was like DAMN RIGHT. Watching this whole thing back, Matthews gets on my nerves basically the whole time. He seems to enjoy hearing himself talk so much that he forgot what a moderator’s actual job is.)

58:40 - Adam’s advice to aspiring filmmakers about the usefulness of going to school, getting a firm foundation in your craft, and having the insulated space to fail and build yourself.

Just so I can ~complete my revisiting of this whole experience~, I’ll add this photo taken by @wherethepastaat aka Rea aka https://twitter.com/cosmicreas in the parking lot outside after the event. I love her for asking the incredible question that gave us a world-class #SassybutClassy Adam moment, and also for snapping this A+ covert photo documenting the referenced Tesla car that caused Adam so much stress about how to get in it correctly. (Joanne’s getting in before him.)

I also owe her my firstborn because she inadvertently GOT ME IN THE PHOTO WITH ADAM!! That shoulder in the pink tank top directly behind him? THAT’S ME. THAT’S ME AND ADAM. IN THE SAME PHOTO. DEEP BREATHING, OKAY. Now I can always prove that I really was that close to him! (He came by even closer when he walked down the sidewalk. No, a month later I still have not gotten over it even .00001% percent.)

Admittedly, there have been brief moments where I berate myself like ‘ugh why didn’t you ask for a photo?!’ but A) I was frozen in awe for the 10 seconds he was in front of me (pretended to be on my phone so I wasn’t overtly staring, lol) and B) You can see in this photo that there were a bunch of people milling around. If I’d asked him to stop, he probably would have gotten stuck taking pics with lots of people. I did the right thing AND got to witness more wholesome Adam moments as he was leaving!

Once again, Rea I owe you a gift basket because I am SO glad I got to witness when you/your brother called ‘Bye!’ to Adam from your car and your dad called “Hi Kylo!” and ADAM RESPONDED, smiled and waved and said ‘Hi Thanks!’ back. IT WAS SO PURE I CRY AT THE MEMORY.

All in all, despite the fact that Adam didn’t actually talk that much on the panel, it was still a 100% Quality Event and I still think about it daily. :’) My Adam crush has morphed into an all-consuming real-life thing that I do my best to control but look, a girl can only do so much in the face of THIS. I AM ONLY HUMAN, ADAM.

#Adam Driver #Nantucket Film Festival #gettin hella fangirly once again #driverdaily

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fullmetalirin · 6 years ago

Text

FMA Brotherhood: Episode 19

FMA Brotherhood Episode 19: "Death of the Undying"

Kain Fuery manages to save Hawkeye, with Mustang coming to defeat Gluttony. Alphonse meets up with the group and they pursue Barry, who chases his body into the depths of the third laboratory. The group splits into two teams. Mustang and Havoc are ambushed by Lust, resulting in both men being grievously wounded and left for dead. Lust then confronts Barry, slicing him to pieces. Hawkeye, believing Mustang to be dead, desperately shoots Lust repeatedly with minimal effect. Before Lust can kill Hawkeye, Mustang appears, having cauterized his wounds, he repeatedly incinerates Lust until her philosopher's stone is depleted. No longer able to regenerate, she crumbles to ash. Barry's soul survives, but his blood seal is scratched out by his human body, which kills both of them. Edward returns to Resembool and heads toward the Rockbell residence where he sees his father Van Hohenheim at the grave of his mother Trisha Elric.

Mustang flashes back to Hughes' death when Riza doesn't respond and freaks out.

Then we cut back to Ling expositing. Oh joy.

Gluttony is strangling Riza. She's emptied her clip into his head but he's not dying. It's pretty gruesome, we see his wrecked eyeball. She empties another clip and pushes him back a little, but they're out of ammo again. For some reason, they just stand there like idiots instead of running. Fortunately, Mustang steps out of his teleporter and uses magic to generate force out of nothing to throw Gluttony out the window.

Riza yells at Mustang for saving her because lolwomen. Later she does thank him and then he's the one telling her to keep in professional, because women are just crazy nagging hags who don't say what they mean and need strong manly men to keep their heads in the game.

I really don't like the cracked-skin effect on the homunculi. It looks so fake, like a low-res CGI model.

How did Alphonse know where they were? Did Ling tell him?

Al informs them about homunculi's powers. Despite this they're going to continue to waste all their ammo shooting Lust later, because they're idiots.

Mustang uses Barry's rampage as an excuse to investigate the laboratory, which is clever. Barry doesn't kill anyone because serial killers are such polite people. Al has cartoon face during this, which I guess is appropriate since he really doesn't fit in here.

Lust shows up and Havoc gets distracted by her jiggle physics when he looks at her tattoo. As Tumblr helpfully explained to me, this is actually groundbreaking feminist representation because while it looks indistinguishable from normal anime objectification see it's actually making fun of Havoc for being a pervert and no, Tumblr, it's pandering. Perv pandering doesn't stop being perv pandering just because a woman drew it. But okay, sure, it's not that bad by the very, very low standards of anime, so maybe I can put up with it as long as it doesn't…

…do… that.

Guys, this is not making fun of perverts. Havoc is a hero and Lust is a villain. This is letting perverts be in on the joke. Tumblr, please for the love of God shut up about Brotherhood being so tasteful in its depiction of boobs, because it's not.

Anyway. Lust taunts Mustang about Hughes' death and then… looks actually pained when he shoots her (where Gluttony barely flinched). Why did she do that if bullets actually hurt her.

There is some gross banter about getting Lust on her knees. I'm sure this has also, through some strange Tumblr alchemy, been transformed into groundbreaking feminism.

Then Lust shows off her Philosopher's Stone because the author needed a way for the characters to learn a homunculus' weakness and couldn't think of a way to do it that didn't involve handing Lust the idiot ball. I've heard this is slightly less stupid in the manga and she only does this after Havoc gets injured, is that true?

Like I said before, this reveal utterly baffles me. So after all that buildup, the homunculi are just... monsters powered by magic. That’s so boring. They can no longer be used to ask questions about personhood and humanity -- I mean, maybe they could if the show actually committed to them being alien and different, but it doesn’t. What this comes down to is just that Philosopher’s Stones and rulebreaking magic is cool, so the homunculi have them so they can be cool boss monsters. Except they’re not cool. In OG, they were puzzles that required special knowledge and preparation to defeat; that’s cool. In Brotherhood, as we’re going to see, you beat the homunculi by just punching them in the face until the author decides they’ve run out of HP. They’re just damage sponges. And just as I revile damage sponges in video games, I revile them in TV shows too. Characters just throwing the same attacks at each other for five episodes is not interesting.

I also hate that this means Philosopher’s Stones are absolutely everywhere in this continuity instead of something actually special, a theme that will continue.

Lust says homunculi still have human feelings. Wow, what a dumb idea that no one would ever want to read about. It sure is a good thing Brotherhood decided to completely forget about this and just make homunculi boring boss monsters, huh?

Then, despite Lust using her claws as instant-kill ranged attacks in every prior fight scene, she now switches to sloppy, easily-dodged melee swipes, because Lust is really hogging the idiot ball today.

Mustang says he can decompose the water into hydrogen and oxygen to create an explosion even with wet gloves. This is totally inconsistent with what we're previously told, which is that creating oxygen is the easy part for him. He shouldn't need a spark to manipulate the air content, that should be a separate thing. This just seems like the author showing off a trick she remembered from chemistry class. It sure would be interesting if alchemy actually worked like this all the time, but Mustang never needs to do anything like this elsewhere.

Then despite having just been told that homunculi don't die when they are killed they walk right back into the room, because the idiot ball's really getting around today.

Cartoon when Mustang complains about being treated like a match. Because a climactic battle is definitely the time for that.

Then Lust FINALLY uses her spear-claws and stabs Havoc through the spine which, in a rare appearance of consequences, actually does paralyze him until the epilogue when Dr. Deus ex Machina heals him because consequences are for losers. I'm also a bit unclear on how she severed his spine without also severing his aorta.

Mustang realizes he can use Lust's Philosopher's Stone to heal Havoc and rips it out of Lust's chest. Lust screams in agony, implying this does actually hurt her, so again, why did she show it to him?

Lust's body disintegrates, but she's able to reform around the Stone. It's really gruesome. Somehow this does not crush Mustang's hand in the process, but she does finally stab him… nonfatally, because she's got the idiot ball again.

Bradley shows up outside.

Lust says Mustang was a candidate for sacrifice but she's killing him anyway. Uh, did she run this by the others? She then leaves him for dead instead of finishing him off because the idiot ball is strong this episode.

We then catch up to Barry, who tells us souls reject incompatible bodies. Al freaks out at this, but fortunately this will never matter for him.

Lust shows up to whine about how she has to kill Al. No, you don't. Just leave. You control the government. Bradley can give you another hideout at a moment's notice. The most important thing hiding here was you, and you just blabbed all your secrets anyway. Just cut your losses. You idiot.

Lust once again taunts someone into shooting her and once again staggers and screams in pain, because the idiot ball's terminal now. Shouldn't she also know she's running out of lives and this is maybe not the best idea right now?

Al vows to protect Riza because he’s tired of watching people die. It’s a nice moment that also happens way, way too early in his character arc. I like Al as the childish, out-of-his-depth foil to Ed’s easy confidence. This moment works better as a climactic ending reversal than as an offhand detail a third of the way through the story. If he’s just another noble heroic alchemist, he’s redundant with all the others we already have.

Meanwhile, Riza is hysterical and ineffective because she's a woman in a shonen anime.

You know, more seriously, I would like to point out that giving a female character awesome gun skills doesn't actually mean anything in a story about how non-guns are really awesome. We see a lot of great gunplay from Riza, but it's always alchemy that actually saves the day and gets all the focus. It's moving the goalposts. Sure, we'll give the woman a cool skill… that we will then choose to make useless in the context of the story. It's such tedious faux-feminism, going through the motions so you can say, technically, that you have a "strong female character" without actually doing anything to respect them or integrate them into the narrative. For every "strong female character" in Brotherhood, there's a male character who's stronger. Women are still, fundamentally, supporting characters – they're awesome because part of the male fantasy is an awesome support staff, but the boys get to be more awesome and the boys get to be who the story's actually about.

I really want us to start being more critical of representation like this. Treating strong female characters like a list of checkboxes is so totally wrongheaded. Characters don't exist in a vacuum. A skill that's impressive in one narrative or one power level may be completely meaningless in another. We need to look at characters within the context of the narrative they inhabit, relative to other characters and the framing of the work.

To prove my point, our resident Gary Stu has just appeared to show Riza up and beat the boss fight literally without moving a single step.

BUT TELL ME AGAIN HOW THIS SERIES IS GOD’S GIFT TO FEMINISM.

Mustang is using Havoc's lighter for a starter, despite explicitly establishing that it was busted earlier.

Mustang fireballs her again.

He also drew a perfect transmutation circle in his own blood and perfectly cauterized his internal bleeding despite explicitly saying he doesn't know medical alchemy. Now that his jacket's opened, we also get to see he's been hiding a Superman physique this whole time. You could put this in a parody of male power fantasies and I'd say it was too unbelievable.

Mustang fireballs her again. We get a gruesome close-up shot of her skin burning off.

Mustang fireballs her again.

Mustang decides he can kill this regenerator monster powered by the thing that supposedly has infinite energy by just killing her enough times, because he's read the script.

Mustang fireballs her again.

We get a closeup of her Philosopher's Stone, and coincidentally also a closeup of her tits.

Mustang fireballs her again.

And again.

I'd like to point out that every single one of these fireballs is ENORMOUS. Alphonse has to create a stone wall to hide behind so Riza isn't charbroiled too. We can see the entire room lighting up. I'd also like to point out this is in a SEALED UNDERGROUND ROOM, and FIRE REQUIRES OXYGEN. OXYGEN IS NOT INFINITE. If he lights the whole room on fire, he is DONE. HE USED UP ALL THE OXYGEN IN THE ROOM. HE CANNOT KEEP SPAMMING FIREBALLS. And I don't care what fanwank you can pull out to justify this, because the bottom line is that someone winning a fight by endlessly spamming the same move is terrible writing. This is not a climactic boss fight, this is just the Gary Stu showing off how awesome he is.

And through all of this Lust has done absolutely nothing except writhe and scream in agony, because Mustang is a Gary Stu therefore fire stunlocks everything. Only at the very end does she actually try to attack him, remembering she can spear people through the brain just in time for him to kill her while her spear is INCHES away from his face, because he's very awesome.

Also, HOW IS HE NOT BURNING HIMSELF HERE. HOW. HIS ARM IS IN THE EXPLOSION. HOW.

Meanwhile, Lust can still talk but somehow not extend her spear one more inch. Her Philosopher's Stone disintegrates, so the woman has nobly died to teach us that you can kill homunculi by just hitting them until they run out of HP, because that's so interesting.

And then Mustang collapses from his wound now that it no longer matters, invoking the very important power of the Not-Sue: see, he did all that while he really was one step away from death, that totally makes him less sueish and not more!

Mustang ignores Riza to praise Al for protecting her.

Bradley, our other resident Gary Stu, is revealed to have been watching the whole thing. He for some reason does not kill Mustang, thus establishing who has the greater Sue power.

Winry is sulking and hoping the man comes back safe because that's her purpose in life.

Then we end with more Barry, because we really needed that. His body is somehow still not dead, and erases the seal on the one part of the armor that stayed intact, killing them both. What was the point of this?

Then the show remembers Ed is supposed to be the protagonist. We cut to him for five seconds to discover Hoenheim has conveniently returned to Resembool at the same time as him.

Conclusion

A lot of people tell me that OG was misogynist garbage and Brotherhood is super progressive.

I don't know what anime they watched, but I just saw the sole female antagonist – and let's take a moment to reflect on the fact the sole female antagonist is Lust – die a gruesome, disgusting, sexualized death less than a third of the way through the story because she was too busy flashing her tits to actually fight, for no other reason than to show how awesome a dude is.

This is my breaking point. There is no coming back from this. I don't care how awesome Olivier is. Anyone who recommends this show as full of ~great female characters~ without thinking this content deserved even the teensiest of caveats is not anyone whose judgment I trust.

And sure, let's be real here, I watch anime, I'm willing to put up with some misogynist crap if there's something else worth my time. But this has established, very definitively, that there absolutely will not be anything worth my time. Lust, as we will see when we continue with OG, was an incredibly important and complex character in the original anime, absolutely crucial to the narrative of the homunculi and many of the things I loved about the story. And this is what Brotherhood does with her.

And that's not even the only awful thing about this episode! Ed wasn't in it at all! Mustang's takeover of the narrative is complete. He's the one who got to solve the mystery, fight the villain, and save the day, pretty much singlehandedly. And I'm sorry, but even if he wasn't an insufferable Gary Stu, Mustang just doesn't interest me as a character as much as Ed. I like him as a deuteragonist to Ed's protagonist, not the other way around. So no. This episode really hammers in that there is absolutely nothing here for me.

But lucky you, I read a plot summary of all the episodes after this, and I know the very next one is something I want to complain about too! So we'll keep going for one more episode. One last nail in the coffin.

#fullmetal alchemist #fma #fullmetal alchemist brotherhood #fma 2003 #liveblog

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bid00f-archive · 7 years ago

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my boy tamama for the character thing. and or keroro

Yeah buddy! Time for a double feature, I can practically write an essay about these two, though really, I can write an essay about all five of the main Keronians. It is Not That Deep, but it certainly could be. So, thank you! They are surprisingly interesting characters to talk about in length if you read between the lines, so time to blab about the sugar guzzling tadpole and the sergeant himself~!

Favorite Thing About Them:

🔰Ever since I got into Keroro like, three years back, I absolutely adored how he is the parody of the classic “cute and lovely” mascot character. He is obviously designed to look the cutest out of a cast of cute critters, just look at those huge eyes, sweet smile, and adorable little tail; so when it was shown that he has a less than cutesy side to him, I started to like him! It made him less of an archetype. I do have major issues with episode 7 Part B, but that was the episode that made me actually like Tamama since it showed that despite being cute, he still has problems and consequences for what he does which causes that sweet, sweet internal conflict.Tamama is truly a good guy, he just needs to grow but in an anime/manga that is like, 99.9% gags and slapstick that is on shaky ground.

⭐What I like most about Keroro is that, he can actually be a very sweet guy even though he usually has his own interests front and center. Episodes that show him actually helping out others tend to be the sweetest to watch, even when it ends more bittersweet, such as episode 5 when he tries to help a doomed toy store and its’ owner. He may be lazy and incompetent, or at least appears to be, but that is what actually makes him more appealing to me!

Least Favorite Thing About Them:

🔰 His love for Keroro, while sort of sweet, can make him do some uncool things. First example being the aforementioned episode 7 Part B, the episode is done less severely than in the manga where he kidnaps Angol Mois to take naughty photos of her to send to Keroro, even going as far to strip her down. The anime adaptation took it down a notch by having Tamama put her through “bootcamp”, but still, not cool! There is also episode 266 when he tries to kiss Keroro without his consent despite Keroro very obviously begging him not to, luckily Tamama realizes that the mature thing to do is to cut it out (plus he looked ridiculous in that pink lipstick) but again, still not cool! Actually, if I remember it right, he goes back at it by the end of the episode. What gives!

⭐Let’s be real here, there are times where Keroro is the one who first antagonizes Natsumi. She is already not very popular with fans because of her role, like how Dib is in Invader Zim though I am 95% sure that folks are less sympathetic to how many of Keroro’s schemes seem to focus more on just plain humiliating Natsumi than invading Pekopon because she is a girl. It is a shame because there is more to their relationship than being constantly at each other’s throats. In the beta, Keroro was supposed to be Natsumi’s Keronian partner and they still share enough similarities reminiscent of that. But anyway, sometimes it seems like Keroro targets Natsumi rather than her being the main obstacle blocking his invasion plans, since she is just a thirteen/fourteen year old kid it feels kind of weird to me. Prime example of this being episode 99.

Favorite Line: I still do not keep track of favorite lines, but here a paraphase from the dub that really made me laugh;

Tamama: “Well, he’s smarter than a jellybean, or most of ‘em.”

Angol Mois: “He tries his best when he’s not busy not trying.“

Tamama: “A jellybean can try but I’m still gonna eat it.”

brOTP:

🔰 Taruru for Tamama! Though I do ship them romantically together, it is an underrated and uncommon pairing but it actually has some traction on with JPN/Korean fans and for good reason! Taruru may not hero worship Tamama as much as he did, and they may have clashed during the Garuru Platoon arc, but there are still no hard feelings between the two!

Taruru still throws a shoutout to Tamama in the manga chapters afterwards, and in the anime, lying to Taruru about the Keroro Platoon and the Pekopon invasion was Tamama’s biggest regret until he comes to peace with it and that only happens seasons after the Garuru Arc, Tamama still remembered and felt bad about it for all that time, and resolved it peacefully, and felt much better after it! That is probably the closest thing Tamama will get to positive character development so savor it. Like the Chibi-Keroro segments, sometimes I wish that the audience could be shown snippets of Taruru and Tamama’s time training in the Keron Army together, it could be a great way to world build since the Keron Army is still shrouded with ~mystery~.

⭐Keroro and Kululu is like a match made in heaven! Okay, maybe I am exaggerating that but those two are yet another underrated pairing even though they work so well together in all the wrong ways; they both like to scheme and can be self-centered jerks but with a heart of gold… which is located deep, deep down in Kululu’s case. I wish there was more focus on these two in canon, Kululu is one of the very few characters who seems to catch on that there is more to Keroro than Gundam, Gundam, blah, blah. After all, Kululu is the whole reason why Keroro has the Keron ☆ (Star) in the first place; but why would Kululu pull the strings to bring who is probably the least qualified to one of the top positions in the Keron Army? Did he do it for kicks or does he actually think Keroro can somehow pull it off? …It is most likely the former, but at least Keroro can make the job *~interesting~*, Kululu likes chaos and things that go against the status quo to keep himself from getting too bored, Keroro practically makes it his job description. Kululu probably has all the opportunity and resources to move to a higher elite platoon if he wanted, Sergeant Major remember, so to me it sometimes almost seems like he sticks around just to see what Keroro does next…and how badly he can screw it up this time.

OTP:

🔰 KeroTama, baby’s first gays! Though honestly, I am not sure who was the first to bring it up but I second the idea that Keroro is sort of like, Tamama’s awakening. Sure he loves him, but Tamama is still young and as far as we know, nobody else has made him feel quite the same way as Keroro does and he copes with this badly. What I do like most about this pairing is that Tamama truly idolizes Keroro but he is just as ready to call him out and keep him in check too; like checks and balances, I think Keroro/any works best when he is with someone who is willing to go along with him but can also tell it to him straight. This is most apparent in the later (subbed) seasons and manga, Tamama becomes less of a yes-tadpole and more aware that Keroro is not the all mighty-hero he used to think back on Keron.

⭐On the other hand, for Keroro…he is my shipping bicycle, I dunno know exactly why but he seems to work out so well with so many characters though it varies a lot. Like, compare KeroDoro with KeroTama and the dynamics become very different; though for the record I am not a huge fan of KeroDoro due to how anime!Keroro lacks the most tact when it comes to Dororo, and how manga!Dororo basically treats Keroro like an annoying ex. Not exactly healthy but I do feel like there is potential if the two found some common ground and reconciliation, but that defeats the fun of shipping, canon is supposed to do the heavy lifting. So anyhoo, there is no OTP for Keroro; which may contradict what I had already said about Tamama, but in Keroro’s case it opens a whole different perspective.

nOTP:

🔰 Oh geeze, I think I have only seen this once and thank goodness but Tamama/Momoka. They are an underrated pair, Momoka herself is a very underrated character but together they are just plain underrated. Hm. I feel like the anime is somewhat at fault since Brutal Momoka is often seen snapping at Tamama, but to be fair, Brutal Momoka will snap at Paul, her guards, her maids, and just about anybody besides Fuyuki.

There are certainly moments cute moments between the two where you know they care for each beyond Momoka putting up with him so she can get closer to Fuyuki, and Tamama only sticking around to freeload, but I still think this comes across to an audience that Momoka does not care much for Tamama at all. I personally see their relationship more like an older brother and younger sister, which is kind of funny given Tamama’s more childish tendencies. I do feel like that he sees her as the little sister who can 100% beat him up while Momoka sees him as an older brother who can still annoy her sometimes at best…or a beloved pet at worst, which is not so bad since Tamama tried to do the same thing. They are two birds of a feather who flock together, but it is far, far, far away from a romantic context.

⭐A nOTP for Keroro would be Fuyuki, which for the life of me I have no idea why it has traction with JPN fans but it is…there, I guess. I think I see it popping up more often than GiroNatsu, to put it in perspective. Keroro is very obviously an adult, alien or not, and there is enough emphasis on the power of friendship to show that Fuyuki is doing what Mois should probably be taking notes on. Keroro is the fun and goofy adopted uncle who takes Fuyuki out for adventures, and they have been through like, six near-life or death experiences together and pulled through so if that is not a sign of a beautiful friendship then I dunno what is.

Random Headcanon:

🔰 Tamama likes eating fruits and vegetables, on an occasion! The food has to practically jump through hoops for him to accept it though. Fruit has to be candied or covered in chocolate, and the vegetables have to be very tender and thoroughly glazed with honey. It kind of defeats the purpose of healthy eating, but hey, Tamama may love sweets but even he has limits such as in episode 310.

⭐Keroro has ADHD and dyscalcuia, though the ADHD bit in particular might as well be canon. He is a very relatable character and call it self-projecting but I am preeetty sure that he has like, learning/neurodivergent disorders up the wazoo much like how Tamama acts like he has an almost textbook case of Borderline Personality Disorder. I doubt that Yoshizaki actually researches mental illnesses/disorders though, special mention going to his portrayal of Momoka and her mother’s disassociative disorders which are far from accurate.

Unpopular Opinion:

🔰 Tamama’s jealous behavior is not a good thing, it is not cute. I almost never find it funny, it is more…sad. Seeing him antagonize, hit, and verbally abuse Angol Mois is close to painful to watch because you know Tamama is only doing it to make himself feel better and Mois, who genuinely sees him as a close friend, just takes it and no one intervenes. In the end, Tamama still feels like crap and one way or another, gets what’s coming to him. There is no actual conflict resolution so the joke becomes old hat.

It may be played off for laughs, but Tamama’s infamous jealousy is self-destructive and while this may be ~relatable~ to other fans, it is obvious to see how unhappy Tamama is when it comes to dealing with his negative emotions or even maintaining a sense of self, like, his greatest fear is a glamorized version of himself as seen in episode 123. That was…interesting. When Tamama acts out on negative impluses, which is always, he never comes on top so why anybody would say “that’s so me!” especially when considering Tamama rarely makes the effort to hold his own actions accountable is beyond me.

I would probably be more receptive towards it if Tamama’s jealousy tick was not so selective. Like, you would think he would be more jealous and resentful of Giroro or even Dororo’s relationship with Keroro since those three have known each other since childhood and still keep it pretty tight; or even Pururu since she can be just as tooth-achingly sweet as Angol Mois and shares close moments with Keroro yet Tamama has never felt threatened by any of them.

Jealousy may be a natural emotion but Tamama’s attitude is unhealthy and it is flanderized to the extreme in the anime. He almost got himself killed for bottling up his negative feelings but lashing out at others (*cough*Angol Mois*cough*) is not the way to go either. The manga version of himself seems to be more adjusted, or at the least by comparison though the regrets and self-loathing is kept consistent. Tamama in the manga may not even be as infatuated with Keroro anymore, in the later volumes it so rarely gets brought up again and in particular, his reaction to being asked if he “still respected Keroro ” was such as strange response that I am just like 🤔. Of course, infatuation is different from love and “respect” could be just how Tamama no longer trusts in Keroro’s leadership at all, but still, the idea of Tamama not being obsessed with gaining Keroro’s affection anymore is almost like imagining an entirely different character after watching 300+ episodes. But, the way I see it…in the manga, the fixation is just not there anymore.

⭐For Keroro’s case, hmmmm…well, not much to say about Keroro since the anime and manga does a bang up job at calling out his flaws and holding him responsible when things mess up, he gets away with nothing. There is no widely accepted headcanon or canon interpretation of him that I feel like counteracting either; in my bloomin’ onion Keroro is well rounded enough for being the resident loser/villain protagonist.

Song I associate with them:

Party Up (Up In Here) by DMX 🔰

Crayola Sunrise by RunFoxRun! ⭐

Favorite picture of them:

This is so sweet, so pure, so perfect!

#anonymous #keroro #tamama #keroro gunso #gif #long post

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bloodunderthebridge · 7 years ago

Text

The Magic of Postmodernism in How I Met Your Mother

We all know (and if you don’t, you should know) that How I Met Your Mother (HIMYM) is a comical t.v series that went off the air after its ninth and final season in 2014. But, for those of you who have not enjoyed the future storytelling plot that is HIMYM, here is a quick recap of what takes place in the t.v show composed of nine amusing seasons. The first main character is Ted. Ted is the guy who narrates the entire story to his teenage kids of how he met their mother. Ted tells the story of his journey to finding a wife in 2030 and each season takes the audience through another year of Ted trying to find his wife with his best friends/sidekicks adding to the drama prior to 2030. For the second, third, fourth and fifth characters, you’ve got Lily and Marshall who have been together since college, but have their ups and downs that result in marriage and a baby. You have Barney who has a sketchy job that makes an absurd amount of money and spends most of his time dating as many girls as possible while asking them out in extreme, impossible ways and then you have Robin. Robin brings her daddy issues, t.v broadcasting skills and rough Canadian lifestyle to the streets of New York City. Combined, these characters date each other, date an uncountable number of other people, succeed along with tons of failure and in the end, create a t.v show that reaches a large audience with its sarcastic tone and unrealistic, but relatable circumstances.

So now that I’ve throughly discussed the characters and their role in HIMYM (for those of you who have watched HIMYM and for those of you who's my detailed description is good enough), what comes to mind when we think of the show? Perhaps how uneventful and upsetting the end of the series was or how Barney and Robin should have never broken up and like why did Tracy have to die? Whatever the reason, it probably wasn’t the postmodern aspects of the t.v show. In-between Barney’s multiple conquests, Robin’s foreign Canadian phrases, Lily and Marshall’s never ending relationship and Ted’s seemingly forever lasting search for love are techniques typically used in postmodern works of literature and in this case, good t.v. But since there is a handful of ways in which HIMYM can be looked at through a postmodern lens, I’m going to focus on three specific techniques, metafiction, magical realism and intertextuality. Now although metafiction and intertextuality may sound boring in comparison to watching t.v and even though magical realism seems to entail more fun, each technique adds a level of depth to HIMYM.

T.V, I’m pretty sure everyone has watched it at least once, but what happens when we’ve watched all the shows that interest us, do we exit our box and try a new show or do we watch a series over again? I’m voting for the latter. Whenever I watch something for a second or third and sometimes a fourth time, I notice different things about the show or whatever episode I’ve re-watched. “I could have sworn that storm trooper wasn’t there before”, I notice the smaller details when I re-watch shows and that’s why looking at HIMYM while keeping the postmodern techniques in the back of my mind, helps understand the t.v series more accurately. It’s an underlying layer that you don’t notice at first, but contributes to how the show is perceived by the audience. Imagine HIMYM having modern aspects, rather than postmodern, would more or less people watch it? Would the meaning and perception change? My guess is yes, of course it would change because even though it’s only a small number of aspects that I am looking at, those small parts are what make up the whole and changing enough of those small parts will eventually change the whole.

Okay, so now that I’ve convinced you that looking at HIMYM through a postmodern lens is important, what specifically does metafiction, magical realism and intertextuality mean? Meta fiction is the act of writing about writing or making readers aware of the fictional nature of the very fiction they're reading, or in the case of HIMYM, when the characters know they are in a t.v show. This is commonly know as “breaking the fourth wall”. Magical realism is the introduction of impossible or unrealistic events into a narrative that is otherwise realistic which is pretty explanatory and an easy definition. And lastly, intertextuality is the acknowledgment of previous literary works within another literary work or when a t.v show references a movie or book or vice versa. Each of these three techniques are actively used in HIMYM and now that you know what they mean, time to dive into a close viewing of HIMYM.

Metafiction, breaking the fourth wall, if you will, is not something I am typically a fan of. I think some shows use it well, like Jane the Virgin, but than shows like House of Cards, I can’t stand, but then again, the majority of people I know like House of Cards, so maybe thats just me. Anyways, Jane the Virgin and House of Cards use metafiction many times throughout each episode, but that’s not the case in HIMYM. There are only a number of instances in the entire series of HIMYM where metafiction is used, it is a technique that is used in addition to many other techniques, but not alone. Okay so to give an example so everyone can see what I'm blabbing on about, I’ve looked at season eight, episode four titled “Who Wants to be a Godparent?”. In this episode, Lily and Marshal, now married and pregnant, are hosting a game-show-like competition between Ted, Barney and Robin to see who should be the Godparent of their first child. Towards the end of the scene, when the game is almost over, Marshall looks directly at the screen and says “we will be right back after a message from our sponsors” (00:11:40 - 00:11:50). This was a clear cut, easy example of meta fiction. Another example just for good measure, but not as obvious as my first example is in season seven, episode six, “Mystery vs. History”. Barney, Ted and Robin are all sitting on the couch in Ted’s apartment and Ted is rambling on about breaking the fourth wall in Annie Hall (this is also intertextuality, but that’s for later) and then, out of nowhere, Robin turns to the camera and says “can you believe this guy?” and motions her thumb in Ted’s direction. Personally, Robin breaking the fourth wall is my favourite out of the two just because it was less expected in that scene than in the other one, you know. Okay well, I think that’s enough about metafiction for now… on to magic……al realism!

When I first heard of magical realism, I thought, yes finally some magic being taught in university. This is not the case, but also it sort of is the case. Let me explain. Magical realism is when events and stuff happening in a t.v show or movie or whatever are unrealistic, but they are shown in a realistic setting, therefore making it somewhat believable to some people (maybe?). Now, magical realism is so important that even Oprah talked about in her book club. On Oprah’s website an article is posted saying “magical realism sets magical events in realistic contexts, thus requiring us to question what is "real," and how we can tell” (Parkinson Zamora), which is my opinion, nicely summarises why magical realism is like magic. So thank you Oprah for also seeing the importance of magical realism and talking about it, but now to bring the magic to life in HIMYM, we need to look at season seven, episode seven titled “Noretta”. I know I’ve already explained a bit about Barney’s role in the t.v show and if you’ve watched HIMYM, you already know for yourself, but Barney is addicted to asking as many women out as possible. Like I’m pretty sure that’s all he does, it is his life mission to sleep with a record number of people. Not the most attractive quality in a person/character, but it does make for good t.v. “Noretta” is a prime example of far Barney will go and magical realism all in one! Background: Barney is on a date with an attractive British women he has been dating. They have not slept together yet, but in episode seven, Barney was determined to change that. While skating, Barney’s date fell down on the ice and completely lost a tooth, but somehow Barney managed to convince his date to not give up on the night. After his date fell, Barney also looked up to the roof (aka the sky, aka God, aka magic) and said “I can turn this around” (00:05:40 - 00:06:11). Magical realism? Yes, an extreme example of it? No, but the saga continues, finally back at Barney’s apartment, they go on the balcony where Barney and his date witness a man jumping from a roof committing suicide. Barney again says, “I can turn this around” and despite his date crying “I want to go home”, he manages to win her over (00:09:30 - 00:10:12). What makes this magical realism, if it isn’t clear enough, is that Barney still managed to sleep with his date despite her losing a tooth (which must have been insanely painful and ugly to look at) and that she witnessed death. Those two things happening don’t really set the mood for most people. That is one example of an episode of HIMYM where there is magical realism, but you could find magical realism in probably more than half of the episodes of HIMYM because the technique is used too often when it comes to Barney’s character.

Now finally, we get to discuss intertextuality, my personal favourite. You may be thinking, why is intertextuality my favourite? Especially compared to a technique that is magic adjacent, but when I understand a reference to another movie or book, I just feel like I know more, you know. The important thing to note about intertextuality though is that “much of the show’s humour relies on the reader’s recognition of common tropes” (Levine 67). This directly relates to HIMYM because if the viewer doesn’t understand the reference, they may also miss the humour which would be unfortunate and HIMYM uses intertextuality as humour more often than not. To illustrate intertextuality in HIMYM, I am going to use Star Wars as an example. Star Wars is my all time favourite movie series and therefore I like to take every opportunity to force my obsession upon everyone else and lucky for me, it seems that the characters of HIMYM love Star Wars the same as me!! So here we go, example number one, season nine, episode seventeen, “Sunrise”, Ted argues with his fiancé about what CP30 is made of and he also mocks her by saying “You know what’s weird? Not seeing Star Wars until you’re thirty” (00:03:15 - 00:03:47). Example number two, season nine, episode fifteen, “Unpause”, Barney gets so drunk the night before his wedding he mimics Jabba the Hutt. Example number three, season nine, episode two, “Coming Back”, Barney speaks like Yoda to Marshall, “there is no try” (00:16:18 - 00:16:26). Example number four, just kidding, I won’t keep going with the Star Wars intertextuality references because if you don’t get the point by now, you probably won’t ever get it. That was rude, if you didn’t get the point though, its that if you don’t understand or know Star Wars, HIMYM won’t make any sense. Just kidding, but it definitely won’t be as funny.

We all know now that How I Met Your Mother is a comical t.v series that went off the air after its ninth season and that the producers of this t.v show employ the use of the postmodern techniques metafiction, magical realism and intertextuality. So if anyone ever asks you for examples of magical realism in HIMYM, hopefully now you will be able to give them at least one answer. But in all seriousness, looking at pop culture or anything with a certain lens in mind (in my case, postmodernism) helps read between the lines of whats going on. I find that closely viewing movies and t.v shows or even literature gives a different perspective and shows the layers that can be hidden and I encourage everyone to stop watching HIMYM for a good laugh, but to really learn from the show.

#himym

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ingridgovaninsights · 7 years ago

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The Worst I’ve Ever Been- A Short Story

The worst I’ve ever been has got to be October of 2010. When I look back on it now, I feel okay. I don’t feel ashamed or angry with myself, because those times are long gone and they must have happened for a reason. Yes, back in 2010 I was most certainly embarrassed and self-pitiful. But I was young then, and I still had a lot to learn. Most of my embarrassment came from worrying what other people thought about me, and that’s a slippery slope to be on. Twenty years later, I am not cured. That’s the thing- there is no magical cure. There isn’t a doctor in the world that can hand you the prescription to make you forget all your troubles, or erase every single feeling you’ve ever felt before. If that were the case, we’d all be robots, and I think I’d rather keep myself and be a bit messed up than be not messed up in the slightest but void of any emotion.

As I was saying, I am not cured. I must repeat that for emphasis, because it’s so, so important. I am, however, managing. At some point along the way- and you may feel at the time like it’s never going to happen, but trust me, it will- you’ll start to feel slightly better. Maybe you found a job, or you discovered a new hobby. Perhaps you reconnected with an old friend, read a book that moved you, or you fell in love. Regardless of what that something is, something happens to you, and you suddenly feel a lot more grounded. That something makes you feel whole and okay again. It’s a wonderful feeling, and it gives you hope. When we talk about treatment for mental illness, we’re talking about a change not a cure… that’s the difference. That difference makes all the difference- because frankly, if you walk around looking for an outright cure, you’re going to be faced with disappointment.

These are the sorts of things I half-read off cue cards to my first year psych students, much to their dismay. I think they were looking for actual content; cold, hard facts and statistics thrown into a lengthy PowerPoint. If they wanted to hear someone’s life experience, they could meet up with a friend for coffee. They chose university for a reason- there’s only so much you can learn from telling and hearing personal stories… or that’s what they say.

Well, these were the doubts I fed myself after every class. Never did a student actually approach me and say, “Hey, Mr. Taylor, your class sucks… I wanna see more slides on the history of cognitive behavioural therapy”, but I was a master mind reader, of course. Over time, I became more experienced in ignoring my negative inner dialogue, but it was no easy feat. I had hard days just like anybody else, even after I thought I’d shot anxiety down for good (turns out there’s no such thing- and as a psych professor, I really ought to know that).

Despite being forty years old, I’d only been teaching for a year. It took me a long, long time to get to where I am now, and to even figure out that’s what I wanted. There were so many wrong turns, drop-outs, and quitting crappy jobs along the way. I’m a man with many regrets, but hey, you live and learn, right?

The new, bright-eyed students watched me from their uncomfortable seats in the lecture hall as I spewed out my usual first-day greeting. What I did was I talked too much about how I got into psychology and teaching, and then I would try to cram the syllabus into the last five minutes of class. I hadn’t yet mastered my time management skills, in contrast to many veteran professors that made the whole teaching thing look like a cake walk. Mr. Allen, who’d been teaching at this very university for over thirty years, was a favorite among psych students, and he always delivered the perfect blend of statistics, history and personal experience. And then there was me, Isaac Taylor, clumsily trying to find that balance when all I really wanted to do was blab to everyone about my life.

I could’ve sworn I saw a few students exchanging uneasy glances, so I quieted down a little, coughed and changed the slide over to the vague course description. What would we be learning about this semester? What were our learning goals? All of that general, boring stuff that didn’t really talk about what we would actually be learning. I’ve tried to talk to my superiors about reconsidering the “orientation” information, perhaps giving it some more interesting content, but my suggestions weren’t taken much into consideration being the “psych baby” that I was. The psych veterans laughed at me with their eyes, as if to say, “Mr. Taylor, you’ll come to learn that you can’t change anything around here, but good luck with that”.

To my surprise, one of the new students raised a hand with a question. I was shocked because most of them kept their mouths shut at first, at least before they decided whether or not they wanted to drop out. It was a young woman- she had to be in her early twenties- with fiery red hair tied up in a messy bun; freckles; wide-rimmed glasses. She balanced a handful of books on her lap- a few notebooks, a few textbooks. A fairly standard nerd type.

“Professor, you said that October of 2010 was the worst you’d ever been. I think it’s unfair of you to say that and then change the subject; we were all a little bit intrigued to know why, I think. Could you finish the story?”

Again, I was shocked. Caught off guard. I wasn’t expecting any questions at all, never mind such a bold one. Well, there wasn’t much time left for storytelling; it would simply have to wait. Maybe my doubts had been wrong- people did want to hear what I had to say. Or at least this strange young lady did.

The nerdy redhead tipped her head to the side slightly, waiting patiently for my answer. I noticed I was starting to sweat- something I did when I was nervous- and I tugged at the collar of my sweater, desperate for more air. The pause between her question and my answer felt like hours, but in reality it must have only been a few seconds; it’s odd how time seems thrown off when faced with anxiety.

“Well, I’m glad you found my introduction so interesting,” I began, “but unfortunately, the next chapter will have to wait until our lecture on Friday. If people are still wanting to hear it.”

I heard murmurs of approval, a few nods of the head. But the redhead looked unimpressed. She wanted my story now; well that was just too bad. I wasn’t anticipating such a reaction from anybody. Last year, students were polite when I told my story but I didn’t get many questions. I certainly wasn’t encouraged to continue talking. I think some people just wanted to learn what they came here for- textbook material- and be on their way. Others, like this redhead, wanted some more context. She was frowning at me, as if that were not the answer she wanted, but then the clock signaled it was time to leave, and I dismissed the class.

***

A couple hundred students poured out of the lecture hall, and I stayed at the front to gather my supplies, shut down my laptop, and so on. When I had my back turned, focusing on whether I should schedule my updates for a later time or just say “meh, I’ll do it when my laptop finally forces me to”, Nerdy Redhead tapped me on the shoulder. I whipped my head around to see who it was, and her green eyes met mine fiercely.

“I think you have a pretty good story to tell,” she said to me, “and I’m not sure I can wait until Friday. Can you please at least tell me a little bit, to get me through my day? I love stories.”

I narrowed my eyes. I was always skeptical of people that even showed remote interest in me- what was her motive? Perhaps she was being sarcastic; maybe I was dreadfully boring to her and her classmates were going to laugh about this over lunch later. How could I know for sure? I was also slightly offended the way she said “stories”, as if I were reading her some sort of choose-your-own adventure novel. It was a story, sure, but it was a true story and a story that ought to be taken seriously. Maybe I was just too sensitive.

“You can wait like the rest of your classmates,” I said firmly. What made her think she was so special?

She extended a hand; it looked to be quite shaky. “My name is Casey. I don’t think you understand. I think you telling your story will help a lot of people-”

“Can you please cut it out with this fake-worship-the-professor act? It is pretty insulting to me that you think you can march up here and demand a ‘story telling’... I can’t even be sure you’re serious right now.”

Why did I act this way? Why did I doubt everyone that ever believed in me, to the point of pushing them away? I didn’t want that; as soon as the words came out I regretted them, and I felt embarrassed. Casey was young and impressionable. She was a new student, eager to learn- that’s all. Why on Earth would I doubt that?

“I’m sorry,” I said quickly, “I didn’t mean to sound so rude. I think it’s great you’re taking such an interest… but really, it’s easier if I just tell the story all at once on Friday. Can you wait like everyone else?”

Casey was upset; that much was obvious now. Her green eyes looked glazed over, almost as if she were on the verge of tears. She didn’t say any more; she turned quickly on her heel and speed-walked out of the classroom.

Okay, so we’d both overreacted- maybe that was normal for us. It was normal for me, anyways- I had a tendency to make everything a bigger deal than it was. Of course, I’d gotten better at that over the years, but it would always be a part of me. I think some of it had to do with the fact that I second guessed everything, automatically in my mind. I guess I couldn’t blame Casey for reacting the way she did- I had been pretty rude to her. Now she’d probably meet up with her friends and they’ll talk about what a dick I am.

I sighed, zipped up my laptop bag and headed for the door, being careful to keep a distance in case I saw Casey again. She probably wouldn’t appreciate that. God, how did I always manage to ruin everything?

***

When Friday rolled around, the hundreds of cookie-cutter students poured into the lecture hall, blurring into one big lump that stared straight at me with innocence and curiosity. This class was far more eager than any of my classes in previous years; perhaps it was just luck. But to my disappointment, when the clock hit exactly ten o'clock, Casey was nowhere to be found.

I hung around the front of the class, awkwardly delaying my start in case she decided to show up a little late. She didn’t. Well then, she mustn’t have been that excited to hear my life story. I rolled up the sleeves of my dress shirt and started up the PowerPoint. Lecture first, story time later. Maybe Casey would rush into the hall in a flurry, books spilling out of her arms, face flushed and out of breath, and maybe she would later tell me “I’m so sorry, Mr. Taylor, I missed the bus!”

But she didn’t. And for some odd reason that I couldn’t figure out- maybe I had some sort of psychic powers, as much as I didn’t believe in that shit- I had a really bad feeling in my gut. Of course, we had only shared one lecture together- maybe Casey was just pretending to be an Eager Beaver and she was secretly hating every moment, and so she dropped out of the class? Well, I guess she would have to drop out of the entire program, since this course isn’t exactly optional. But something told me she wasn’t feigning her curiosity that day- it was still clear in my mind, the way she teared up and fled when I upset her, and the way she seemed to lean in more when I announced to the class I would be sharing some personal details about my life.

Could I really trust my mind, though? I did have a tendency to overthink things. Maybe she was just sick. People do get sick. All of these troubling thoughts raced through my mind while I tried to teach the lesson. I must not have sounded as passionate as the week prior, because my students were quickly losing interest.

“Okay,” I said loudly, stopping the current slide, “what is going on here? It doesn’t seem that anybody is listening.”

Students were whispering, looking down at their laps, and fidgeting. It was almost like a room full of entirely different people. One girl, who I do remember from last week because she had been sitting next to Casey, raised her hand.

“Um, Mr. Taylor… we’re all a little bit distracted right now, given the news.”

News? What news? I looked around me, perplexed. I guess a lot of the school gossip went over the professor’s heads. Whatever- it didn’t really bother me; most of them were an entirely different generation, anyways, so of course they didn’t want to stand around and share intimate details with me.

“Care to share what that news might be?” I asked, feeling slightly self conscious because I appeared to be the only one in the room who didn’t know.

The girl looked at her friend beside her and they exchanged a sad look. Then, she said, “Our classmate tried to commit suicide last night. She’s in the hospital.”

I felt my heart sink in my chest, and my stomach did a backflip. I thought I might be sick. It had to be Casey, right? I tugged at the collar of my shirt; I was beginning to sweat.

“Oh… um… oh dear. Excuse me, does anybody have the name of this classmate?”

Maybe it was an inappropriate question; I wasn’t really sure. But I just had to know, and I didn’t really care if people thought I was being inappropriate or desperate. I felt absolutely sick to my stomach; this was bad. Really, really bad.

The girl, who was now crying quite visibly, couldn’t look up at me to meet my eyes. “It’s… Casey. Casey Peters, I don’t know if you know her. She’s one of my best friends.”

My fears had been correct. It was Casey. She was laying in a hospital bed somewhere, probably feeling really bad. My heart was racing, and so was my mind. I couldn’t help but wonder- could I have done something to prevent it? If only I’d been nicer…

God, I felt like absolute shit. How could I have talked to a student like that? And not to mention a student that had clearly been going through so much… all the warning signs had gone right over my head. I’m a psychology professor; I should be the expert at understanding human behaviours and thought processes. But then another thought occurred to me- perhaps she hadn’t been showing any of those signs. Perhaps she had kept it well-hidden for a reason. It hurt me to think that maybe, just maybe, she had been in pain for so long, she felt the best way to deal with it would be to conceal it, act like everything's okay, and not bother anybody anymore. What if her wanting to hear my story was like a final cry for help? How could I have missed that?

“Mr. Taylor, are you alright?” one student, a young man probably in his mid twenties, called out with concern.

My face must have looked pretty terrifying, because all the students were watching me with worried eyes. I don’t know how long I was out of it, lost in my thoughts wondering how I messed up so badly. When I finally snapped out of it, I knew I had to escape. The room was suffocating me.

“You can read the slides online,” I managed to say, gathering my things and rushing out of the lecture hall in panic.

I took a seat on a nearby bench, trying to focus on my breathing. But it was incredibly difficult to remain calm- swarms of students were bustling by, silently judging me and getting into my personal space bubble. And out of the thousands of people that attended this university, one person in this gigantic student body had the ability to shake me to my core… one person that I hardly knew possessed the capacity to make me question everything.

After a few minutes of unsuccessful mindfulness exercises, I got up and speed-walked to the Dean’s office, where the short man in his late fifties sat at his desk sipping a coffee, pretending to be very busy. I stood in the doorway, breathing heavily from all the commotion, and he looked at me with wide eyes.

“Isaac Taylor,” he said, “what can I do for you? You look… out of sorts.”

“That’s an understatement,” I said. “Look, Michael… I need you to tell me if you know anything about what’s going on with Casey Peters. I am sure you’ve heard about her… recent struggles?”

Michael sighed and looked down at his desk sadly. “Ah, yes… I can’t say I have met the young lady, but I have heard some of your fellow psych professors chatting about her. A few days prior to her attempting… suicide, the professors were discussing how well she was already doing in her classes. Her very first quizzes she was getting perfects on, easily. A bright young lady, for sure.”

When Michael said the word suicide, he had to pause before he used it… and when he said it, it seemed a struggle- like pulling teeth. Like the word was far too embarrassing, or dark, or upsetting. I guess it was one of those “loaded” words that people can’t seem to spit out, like rape, or gay or depressed. Things that people didn’t talk often enough about. Well, look what happens when you don’t.

“No, I… I mean, yes, she does seem very bright. But what I need to know is, what hospital is she staying at? Is she still there? Can I go see her? I’m very worried that I upset her, and I just want to make sure she’s okay.”

“Isaac, relax,” Michael said to me, which did absolutely nothing to relax me. “Casey is fine. Her suicide attempt was unsuccessful. She is being cared for.”

“Yes, but it shouldn’t have gotten to that point at all!” I yelled, beyond frustrated. I stepped forward; I could feel beads of sweat rolling down my forehead. “Listen, you need to tell me whereabouts she is so that I can pay her a visit. It’s very important to me.”

I suppose I looked pretty serious, because Michael hurriedly gave me the address, and before I knew it I was fleeing the campus on my way to see Casey. I was so anxious I don’t even recall the car ride over- just one giant blur; I may as well have been driving in the rain with broken windshield wipers. I couldn’t decide whether it was my greatest weakness or my greatest strength that I cared so fucking much.

Casey was laying in her hospital bed, pale-faced and eyes glazed over with what I imagined was great sadness. Her fiery red hair was a mess, it looked in dire need of brushing, and her shoulders were slouched. She looked exhausted. For what seemed to be the longest time, I watched her in the doorway, frozen, unable to figure out what to do or say next. How could I possibly say anything that would make her feel better? I couldn’t. I was no miracle worker, just an amateur psychology professor with apparently no ability to use that psychology knowledge in real life.

“Come in,” she said weakly.

I hated hospitals. Well, who liked them? I guess what I’m saying is, I really hated them. I almost had a fear of them- just visiting a hospital or even going to a doctor’s appointment made me sick to my stomach and lightheaded. But I had to be strong for Casey- I couldn’t be fainting now. I stepped into the room, and the robotic beep of the machines had me feeling woozy.

“I am so, so sorry,” was what I finally said to her.

“Why?” Casey asked me, looking at me with genuine curiosity.

“I’m sorry I didn’t sit down to talk with you, and I’m sorry that I got frustrated and snapped at you. I should have been more sensitive. So… I’m sorry.”

Casey shrugged. “I took a bottle of pills. I freaked out. I decided to throw them up… I felt like I was making a mistake. None of this is your fault, or anybody else’s. Please don’t feel bad.”

“It’s kind of hard not to,” I said. “Casey, I’m really worried about you. Do you have family you can talk to about what you’re going through? Friends? Someone…”

“I am fine, Mr. Taylor,” she snapped. “Seriously. I… think this was my wake-up call. I don’t want to die, I just want the pain to stop. So I have to figure out how to make the pain stop without dying. I’m going to get help here.”

I watched her, trying to figure out her eye movements and her facial expression, but then I stopped myself and just tried to focus on the conversation at hand. I tried to listen.

“That’s good you’re going to get help now,” I said. “I want you to know that anytime you need someone to talk to, my door is always open, okay? And I don’t know if it’ll help or not, but you can most certainly hear my story anytime you’d like.”

Casey smiled faintly. “You know how you said October of 2010 was the worst you’ve ever been? Well, last night was the worst I’d ever been. But I think that’s what it took for me to open up my eyes.”

End

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ecotone99 · 5 years ago

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[SF] ‘The second coming... of Steve

It’s no secret that Steve Jobs pushed computer technology into the future. You don’t have to be a fan of his abrasive management style or narcissistic personality to acknowledge that. It wouldn’t be a surprise to most that he was privy to futuristic ideas far in advance of their worldwide release. Everyone knows that. What might surprise some however, was that near the end of his life, he personally supervised a clandestine design group working on a next-generation metaphysical communications project.

It was so secret as a matter of fact, that initially he refused to even inform his engineers and designers of what the purpose was. Eventually he had no choice but to let them in on his master plan. Fumbling around in the dark certainly wasn’t going to be productive. The secret project was intended to link the living with the dead through a series of incredible technological and scientific breakthroughs. To say it had great personal meaning to him, was an understatement.

He fooled the world for many years into believing he might actually beat his cancer (as well as being in denial himself) but deep down he knew his time was very limited. For someone so self-involved for most of his life, it took the ominous, lingering shadow of death to make him fully value his life and family. He feared losing eternal contact with them; and if there was one thing Steve Jobs enjoyed, it was pushing through impossible boundaries and making the impossible, possible. Connecting the dead with the living would be his greatest and final amazing achievement.

The technology was designed to exploit a cellular bandwidth that seemed neither useful, nor valuable to any competitors or governments. As a believer in unconditional ideas, Steve started exploring the idea that the dead just moved on to another plane of existence. A plane that he believed could be reached via that unused bandwidth. He has his team working on ‘out-of-the-box’ ideas of how to connect the living with those unused frequencies. Of course it was a huge financial gamble and came across as the misguided efforts of a foolish dreamer with too much money and ambition. He fully accepted there was some truth to that but it wasn’t the first time he was labeled a ‘snake oil salesman’ and ‘con man’ by his detractors. He always enjoyed watching them eat crow.

Even if the mental link was possible with the living and the technology, there was no verifiable data that suggested the dead could also connect to it too, or that the two separated realms could be fused together via current electronics. The thing is, Steve wasn’t the sort of person you said ‘no’ to. His specially assembled team was sworn to absolute secrecy. They worked round the clock for over a year to prepare the amazing technology for it’s sole beta tester, himself.

His last living words were well documented in the media; “Wow, oh wow!” It was all over the news but without the proper context of realizing he was already wired up to the advanced prototype and ‘seeing the other side’ for the first time, it seemed like a spiritual utterance of an overwhelmed man, about to pass away. No one else could see what he saw on his deathbed, but his experimental development team and the trusted management partners believed he had successfully paired with it. If ever there was a massive technological advancement that was going to be difficult to keep under wraps, that was going to be it.

Per his wishes, he was buried with his advanced iPhone prototype and a power cell capable of running the device for about 5 years. His family knew that he requested for special equipment to be buried with his body, but they hadn’t been privy to his last technology campaign. He didn’t want them to be disappointed if it failed. Instead, his home was secretly wired with corresponding equipment to receive signals from the so-called ‘worthless bandwidth’. The associated hardware to power this experimental technology came with scalable chipsets, for future advancement.

It was actually a couple of weeks afterward when calls from ‘Steve’s phone’ started showing up on the caller IDs of his ‘inner circle’. His family members assumed it was a hacker’s sick joke and immediately blocked the number. This posed a significant technological roadblock. When the calls were received by his secret development team members, they didn’t know what to do. Unlike his family, they knew exactly who was calling but none of them were prepared to answer a pioneering call of that magnitude.

In the conference room, Tim Cook patched the call through to the intercom system. He wanted the world’s first call from ‘the other side’ to be well documented. “Helloooo... this is Tim.”

“Damn it Tim, take me off the speaker system! I want this to be between the two of us, only.”

Tim hit the speaker release button to route the call back to his phone. Just hearing Steve’s disembodied voice again was enough to make everyone’s jaw drop. No one ever expected to hear his ‘live’ voice again. It was beyond surreal. Everyone present had attended the funeral. Even the team tasked with his final paranormal project never expected for it to actually work. All of a sudden they were witnessing an unlikely history in the making.

Of course technological advances had been made in that same room numerous times, but this was epic and unparalleled. Tim’s appearance was as pale as a ghost, yet he had a silly grin on his face. All eyes of the staff studied his friendly features for a hint or clue about the one sided-conversation. He was obviously getting a posthumous earful from their former mercurial taskmaster. It was ‘almost’ like old times.

Tim hung up and studied the screen of his iPhone, as if digesting the nuances of such a monumental event. The room pulsed with the combined excitement of 23 people anxious to know what the dead man said. His unnatural pause increased the tension by a factor of five. He opened his mouth dramatically to speak several times but failed to say anything. It was torture to everyone present and only grew worse when he stood up and then abruptly left without explanation.

In life, some members of the public saw Steve Jobs with a messianic zeal that rivaled religious leaders. Others reviled him for numerous incendiary reasons, either justified or perceived; but few ignored him. They couldn’t. Like Edison, Tesla, and Westinghouse, he helped to shape the modern world. Now he was the first person in history to officially report back from the grave. This was going to be bigger than... well, you know.

The chief design tech and head of software operations jumped up and chased him down the hallway. They weren’t about to let him off the hook over the most unusual and occult communication event in history. Tim walked very fast as he always does but his two pursuers rapidly caught up with him.

“Come on Tim! Tell us! My God, you just spoke to a dead man! What did Steve say to you? I need to know. Both of us do.”

Tim slowed a minute as if he was going to tell them, but went back to his urgent pace. “You two get back to the conference room and swear everyone to absolute secrecy before someone blabs it on Twitter or Facebook. The world isn’t ready for this crazy development; and I’m not sure any of us are either. Right now, I have an urgent matter I must attend to. If you think Steve was impatient before, you should hear him now!”

“What? What is it? Tell us!”

Tim relented. “He waited for weeks to test the equipment and when he did there was some glitch with the communications interface. Despite the overall success of the project, he’s not completely satisfied. In the meantime, while I break the news to his unsuspecting widow, you two need to contain this titanic-sized revelation until we can figure out how to disseminate it to the world. Go!”

Both of them stopped their forward process immediately and turned around. Tim wasn’t a demanding tyrant like their former boss had been but on the rare occasion when he barked an order, it had better be obeyed to-the-letter. He was dead serious about the need for silence. They raced back to the conference room before any more of the staff trickled out and leaked the scoop of the century.

“Hello there, it’s ah...Tim. How are you and the family holding up? You know that I never want to bother you about the daily operations that go on around here but something has um, ‘come up’. It’s pretty significant. I need to let you know about it but first, have you received any unusual phone calls in the past couple days?”

Steve’s wife admitted ‘a prankster’ had called several times using his private number but she blocked it. Tim didn’t know how to explain the incredible truth to her. He’d took over most daily operations for that final 18 months as Steve ‘tinkered’ with his paranormal ‘hobby’. He knew Steve never told her about the clandestine communication project so there was no easy or stress-free way to explain who the identity of the caller was.

“Where are you, at home? I don’t want you driving or doing anything dangerous for the next little bit, ok? I know this will come as horrific shock to you. It’s best you are sitting down. Are you sitting down?” (She replied that she was) “I need you to unblock that number. The one calling using Steve’s old number, ok? I wouldn’t ask, if it wasn’t imperative. There’s someone very anxious to talk to you and I’m absolutely certain you’ll want to take the call.”

She demanded to know who it was but Tim waffled and made excuses. Only the man himself could explain the truth. Nothing less than the genuine article would be believed. Maybe not even then. It was still unbelievable to think about. They had bridged the gap of death.

“Tim, I’m going to be very angry if I unblock that number and it’s some reporter or something! I don’t want to give an interview or open our home to nosy reporters. We value our privacy. You know that.”

“Yes, Yes of course. Please unblock Steve’s number. You won’t regret it. I promise.”

No sooner than she had unblocked the number, she received her first ever posthumous phone call.

“Hello, who is this?”; She demanded. Her patience was pretty thin and her level of blind trust in Steve’s successor was equally sparse. She didn’t know who would be on the line, but there was one person she knew it couldn’t be. Yet it was. She didn’t speak for nearly a full minute. What she heard didn’t compute. A voice on the other end sounded just like... Steve.

As a matter of fact, not only did it sound just like her recently departed husband, but also what was said (and how it was vocalized). The caller’s tone and inflection was a dead ringer for him in every way. The mysterious caller demanded to know if she and the kids were alright but it was impossible to focus on the question. It was just too startling to hear ‘him’.

“Who IS this?”; She repeated breathlessly. Her heart pounded. She assumed it was some clever A.I. trick employed to digitize his voice patterns before he died.

“You know who it is. It’s me. Steve. Your real question is ‘how’? I realize it seems impossible but before I passed away, I worked with a very talented group of engineers and research scientists based in the UK on an incredible technological breakthrough. They recently discovered that...”

She interrupted angrily. “What sort of horrible fraud is this! You aren’t my husband. We both know he died after a long, protracted illness a few weeks ago. Maybe there exists a technology market to simulate the vocal patterns of the deceased in some situations but I find this in incredibly bad taste. Steve would’ve hated it too. They know how much of a control freak he was. He would have never signed off on a simulator to guess his responses, and neither will I now.”

She was about to hang up when he responded with the only thing that would make her think. He blurted out something that only the two of them knew. It was a personal secret she knew he would never share with anyone else, yet the familiar voice on the line knew it. She started trembling. He continued speaking of their past with undeniable authority. He shared personal details about their children and intimate secrets that only her husband would know. She started crying.

“How can it be?”; She wept. “It can’t be...”

“I always thought death was the end. I certainly hoped I was wrong but I didn’t put much stock in the idea of an afterlife. You know better than anyone else I had my struggles with organized religion. The thing is, I can’t see you. I’m not some ghost floating overhead. This is a different dimension. It has no natural portal between ‘there’ and ‘here’. I’m a non corporeal entity now. Some day you and the kids will join me here in this existence. Until then I’ve found a way to bridge the great divide.”

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