#and jesper does not want to admit the worry he feels about wylan getting hurt that way dbfhbhgbhfh esp if it was jes' fault

[crowshoots]

continuing from this ask with @demolitionsman

ㅤㅤ jesper had dealt with bullet wounds and then some. the territory was pretty much guaranteed when you were someone like him who caught himself in crossfires and gunfights on the regular, but - wylan was new.

ㅤㅤ unless the tannery somehow covered how to properly take care of a bullet wound, they doubted he had an idea of how to properly take care of it. they could hear kaz's voice in their head, too, something about making sure their demolitions expert still had his hands as well as a decent amount of his body still attached to him, ideally bullet - free.

ㅤㅤ" i'm trying to make sure you don't bleed half of your gut out, " jesper said, flipping through several supplies. kaz only employed a medik for emergencies, and he had tabs on several healers to call on for emergencies, but there was no time for that. he spun on one heel to peer at wylan. " and dressing your own bullet wounds tends to be a bit of a bitch of a task. you want my help or not? "

[reonnex]

The infantilization of book!Wylan and show!Wylan really needs to be looked at.

This isnt a call out, or trying to hate on anyone, just an overall thing I've seen throughout being in this fandom

In the books while Wylan is a child he is also 16. People underestimate him into innocent and even younger. And while he is naive, this does not make him innocent. He has his own morals, own judgment that havent been ripped away from him yet. He is just trying to survive.

People use the "we could wake them up line" a lot snd I agree! But to also look at the full lines as well

Wylan gestured to the guards. "Is it safe to leave them, you know-"

"Alive? I'm not big on killing unconscious men."

"We could wake them up."

"Pretty ruthless, merchling. Have you ever killed anyone?"

"I'd never even seen a dead body before I came to the Barrel." Wylan admitted.

"It's not something to be embarrassed about," Jesper said, surprising himself a little. But he meant it. Wylan needed to learn to take care of himself, but it would be nice if he could do it without getting on friendly terms with death."Make sure the gags are tight."

This isnt him being ruthless. Its him being logical. He is taking what Jesper says to heart. Wake them instead of killing them unconscious. Which they do end up tying the soldiers to the pole and leaving. Him having morals shouldn't contribute to claims of him being innocent.

Wylan is worried about hurting people but will do so if nessecasry to save his friends. We can see this in the show and books. In the show he does not want to make bombs for Kaz, but does so in the end because he acknowledges he has to survive. He is worried about Alby, but goes along with the plan still.

All these are what makes Wylan, wylan. It is his fundamentals, his morals and idels. They are not however claims to see how sweet and innocent he is and how he was corrupted.

Ontop of this, while it is never y it is hevaily implied that Wylan is also autistic. (Also, correct me if im wrong please, but im pretty sure Jack did talk about this.) Autistic people get infantilizated already, and I've had my own fair share of this as well. ( I am autistic and have a learning disabilitiy, as well a speech impedament that I still struggle with.) I have to work harder to make sure people treat me as a twenty year old. Because that is my age, and there is a significant difference in attitude in how people treat me when they know im autistic, and when they don't.

And for Wylan, I feel like its the same issue. While it may not be intentional, ive been people coo over the fact Wylan has done simple tasks or teen experiences. Him having Jesper read to him, getting flustered when talking to him, Wylan not understanding social cues as well as others and taking things to face value.

You can be excited for him and think it's sweet, but to also acknowledge that there is a line between "Thats adorable" and "He's adorable." Wylan is someone who is neurodivergent. He was extrmetly sheltred as a child and was never given the proper tools to help his dyslexia, due to this he has struggles that shouldn't be overlooked or seen as "cute" when he experiences outcomes due to the situation he was in. Whenever he doesn't understand social cues, i.e., "Whos mark." People giggling and saying it's silly or cute when he doesn't understand the cues. That's infantilizating! You are viewing things he struggles with in the lens of watching a child understanding the world. Which Wylan isn't. He is a teenager, no matter the circumstances. His age should be understood.

This infantilization also effects wesper in how people view the two of them. Many people view black people as "older, the man in the relationship, rugged" while the white person is seen as the "women, younger, more innocent."

Infact, I think the show only worsned it for Wylan. As now there are faces to names.

Jack does have a youthful face, but still looks his age. I have a babyface and even now at 20 I look much older then I did at 16. The same goes for Jack. He cant control how he looks but because of his youthful features people only push for this racially hetaronormative mindset more between Wylan and Jesper (Even if its untitional).

Even Kit looks his age as well and has a baby face. He's 29 right now but was in his mid twenties during filming. Season 1 was filmed back in 2019 but due to covid post production got set back, and season 2 was filmed in the beginning of 2022. But why is it only Wylan who is infantilizated? Jesper struggles just as much with his ADHD and trauma as Wylan does.

Jack and Kit are only one year apart, the same in the books but still ive been Wylan be portrayed as the "poor innocent child who was abused." and Jesper as the "he needs to get over his addiction hes a grown man/ he's too mean to Wylan."

In society now so many black teens are seen as adults and treated as such, while white teens are seen as younger and not pushed so hard. The same can be seen for wesper.

Ive even seen people on Tiktok and other socials claim that Jesper was rude to Wylan and abusive. (WHERE???). Both Wylan and Jesper have said things that hurt the other, and they both apologized for it, and get grilled as well. In the show and books they learn and grow. The infantilization of Wylan doesnt hurt just him but plays into racial stereotypes and also microagressions. Why is it that when the white character is calling someone out its "deserved" but when the black character (who might I add had no idea) makes a side comment he is labled as cruel and abusive?

In so many shows and books the black character is usually portrayed as the joker character. Six Of Crows does this as well, which is something important to not ingore. Jesper is seen as the flirty joke character. However the only difference is soc also show more sides to his character by letting him be vulnerable. Letting Jesper show his struggles to the audience as well, how his neurodivergece effects him, letting him dress in skirts and bold colors that step away from the gender norm. So many times in media the black character is just there for shits and giggles, or is used as the villan/antagonist.

It believe its really important to understand this, and to acknowledge if your infantilizating him, or even using microagressions on Jesper unintentionally, then to learn to understand why and to grow from them.

[heaven-in-a-wild-flower]

Crows Headcanon: In Lockdown

Read this and more Crows headcanons on ao3 using this link

Chapter 1 (the chapters aren't related and do not continue the story, each can be read separately)

Kaz

Kaz yearns to vanquish the last of his enemies, to admire the bright red of their blood. He feels an ache in him that can only be sated by the sight of beautiful stolen kruge. He fantasises of the glorious feeling of having bested another. He shivers with desire when he thinks of all the fear he could be eliciting in people.

In other words, he's bored. What is a crime lord to do if no crimes can be done? (There is the option of ignoring lockdown and venturing out, but he's not stupid enough to risk getting a virus). He wakes up each morning and trudges to the rooftop because he wants to get some fresh air and some quiet (not because that seems to be Inej's favourite spot). He stays there for an hour or so, memorising various details of the city below (not Inej's smile. She loves sunsets and smiles softly at them). He's always incredibly calm after this exercise. It must be because of all the fresh air.

Then he has to go down and deal with the rest of his Crows, some of whom cannot stop talking at him (Jesper, of course). They all eat breakfast together at the table and chatter all through it. He misses being able to scare people away with just a glance and regale them with their secrets, just to watch them quake. The Crows giggle, how dare they, when he tries it on them. They aren't scared of him anymore and he hates it (loves it).

He then locks himself in his room and spends many hours plotting all the schemes he'll enact after the lockdown is lifted. Oh, the people of Ketterdam won't know what hit them. Someone keeps knocking and leaving food outside so eats that for lunch. He hasn't yet figured out who it might be. They're always gone no matter how fast he goes for the door. But no matter, he'll figure it out, he is Kaz Brekker after all, secrets bow to him.

In the evening they all sit down for a round of cards (sometimes even he falls prey to Jesper's charm). Kaz simultaneously trains them.

"What's the easiest way to temporarily blind someone?" he asks (This is more for personal entertainment than true training because he loves to rile Matthias up).

"Dirt in their face?" Inej asks.

"Bright light to the eye?" Jesper says.

"Tighten a blood vessel?" Nina suggests.

"Spit in their eyes?" Wylan adds. (Kaz will never say it, but he is so proud)

"You're all horrible," Matthias responds predictably, yet everyone hears him mutter, "Smoke bomb is best."

He goes to bed somewhat relaxed, an effect of not having to worry about being attacked in your sleep (or robbed, for that matter).

He'll never admit it to anyone, not even if you threaten to rob all his kruge but, maybe this lockdown situation with all his Crows is tolerable.

Inej

Inej misses the freedom. The freedom of being able to climb and slide and jump her way through any part of the city. Being trapped inside due to the lockdown causes a bit of anxiety in her. It does help to at least be able to see the entire city spread out before her like her very own feast and so she'll spend most of her morning on the roof, bottling up the feeling to last her through the day. She loves the sunset, but every time Kaz joins her at the roof, sneaking what he thinks are subtle glances at her, she can't stop smiling (a small gentle smile, but a smile nonetheless).

In the afternoon she, Nina and Jesper will try to cook. She laughs the most with them, her stomach aching in the best way afterwards. She loves them and endures their high energy goofy selves with equal parts fondness and amusement. The food isn't always the best, but the company is so good that she forgets the taste of it (most of the time, sometimes she has to yell at Jesper not to keep burning the food just to finish a good joke).

In the evenings, she'll sometimes practice some of her acrobatics wherever she can. She secretly gets thrilled by slightly scaring Jesper whenever he walks into a room and suddenly finds her dangling from somewhere. Sometimes when she feels anxious and desperately needs to be calmed, she'll ask Wylan to play his flute and fall asleep curled up wherever she is (Jesper loves taking pictures of her asleep in weird places and Kaz makes sure she always has a blanket on her but only when no one is looking).

Some nights she'll make some of her comfort food and Kaz will lean against the counter, claiming that he's helping (his presence helps her, always, even though he does not do any of the cooking). His absolute silence calms her, it feels both comforting and understanding and she loves the weight of his gaze on her, anchoring her. And every time she asks him to hand her something, their fingers brush and warmth bursts through her body. She loves these quiet nights they have, the way they are both magnetic to the other. She'll smile at him and he'll freeze and he'll move a bit closer to her and she'll tingle with awareness.

Jesper

Jesper, as we know, is a raging extrovert. He’s almost dying staying inside all day. He wakes up in the morning and gets dragged back in by Wylan who won't let him leave before he gives him a good cuddle in the morning. He indulges him, of course. He loves it. He didn't know that being wanted, being loved could feel like this. When he's eventually awake, he'll go chat up Matthias who also gets up pretty early to do his workout (although chat at is more accurate, considering that Matthias barely responds). He has taken to calling Matthias 'Matty' and Matthias loathes it (which means that Jesper does it all the time, of course).

Later, after Nina, Jesper and Inej manage to make lunch, he takes some up to Kaz. He leaves it outside his room and once he's in another room, he pushes any small metal object towards the door to make the knocks (because what use is it being Grisha if you don't use it for friendly pranks?). He hangs out with Nina in the afternoons sometimes and they discuss their favourite shows and characters. Those two will go on for hours without realising it and sometimes they won't even realise that they're being very loud (because that's what passionate fangirling/fanboying is like). As the fashion icons of the group, they also often do online shopping together. Sometimes he'll go from room to room (excluding Kaz's, not because it's locked but because it's, well, Kaz's) talking to everyone and trying to join whatever they're doing and he'll end up annoying everyone in one fell swoop, earning many comments along the lines of, "Wylan, what do you see in him?" Wylan would stroke his chin in thought and respond, "Hmm, you know what, now that you bring it up..." After this, Jesper will attack him with kisses all over his face and giggling, Wylan will forget whatever he was about to say.

Evenings are his favourite though, card time! The Crows refuse to bet kruge because they don't want to fuel his gambling addiction so they'll bet on random things. Losing one of the bets, Jesper had to take shots of Tabasco sauce alternating with shots of milk while singing Hot N Cold by Katy Perry (this was a Wylan dare, he is terrifyingly good at setting dares). The best one was when Kaz lost and had to dance to Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae) by Silentó while following the exact dance steps (this was a Nina dare. She was laughing so hard tears were rolling down her cheeks. Jesper tried to record it, but Kaz knocked the phone out of his hands using his cane.)

In the nights, Jesper watches Wylan write some of his own songs (a hobby he has picked up recently). He simply can't look away, Wylan's face scrunched up in concentration is too captivating.

"Stop staring," Wylan will complain sometimes, blushing and blushing, "I can't focus!"

Jesper will brush his hand through his curls, kiss his head and respond, "I can't help it, maybe I just like your stupid face."

"I'll dare you to do something truly horrifying tomorrow," Wylan threatens with the sweetest smile on his face and Jesper immediately backs off. He loves this side of Wylan, the side only the Crows get to see. The side who isn't quiet and innocent, who isn't afraid to speak his mind, to assert his place. He gives him one long kiss on the lips, leaving both of them just a little bit dazed and goes to sleep. He falls asleep immediately, all his energy drained and the pillow smelling wonderfully like Wylan.

Wylan

Wylan loves waking up with his boyfriend right next to him, even if he grumbles and refuses to get off the bed as early as Jesper does. His laziness certainly pays off, he gets breakfast in bed so many times! When he does wake up, he'll be groggy for the entirety of the morning (Jesper calls him 'Zombie Boy' in the mornings and if he were more awake, Wylan would probably object to this, but since he isn't, he just grumbles and focuses on not falling face first into his food). He only truly wakes up at lunchtime. He loves making little desserts to surprise the Crows. All their pleased reactions make him blush and grin at once.

He sometimes pulls Jesper onto the couch with him to watch a movie (because he loves spending time with him, not because the rest of the Crows have been begging him to distract Jesper, okay, maybe both are true). Shockingly, Jesper does not like action movies, Wylan found this out the hard way when he put on an action movie the first time and Jesper fell asleep not even halfway through it. Jesper actually likes... romcoms. Wylan loves how Jesper cries and laughs simultaneously, clutching Wylan's shirt and burying his face in it during the sad parts and jerking back up to laugh at the jokes or repeat the dialogues with the characters. Wylan loves being needed like this. He never knew he'd enjoy giving comfort as much as he loves receiving it.

Sometimes it scares him how much he loves the Crows. He hasn't ever known family that didn't hurt him, that liked him as is, no modifications needed. To help deal with this deluge of feelings without getting overwhelmed, he writes music. He pours all of his feelings into his flute and when they come out of it, they are sweet and painful, loud and whispery, sharp and smooth. He doesn't think all the Crows understand this but, it is enough to see a passing smile when they hear it and it is enough for him to get those feelings out there. And the peace he gives Inej when she falls asleep to his music makes him think she understands (she does).

He enjoys torturing the others during card time in the evenings (he absolutely preens when he sees Kaz's approving nod). He'll never tell anyone, but he finds some of his most outrageous dares on Reddit (Kaz knows this, and is even prouder of him at the deception).

He also sometimes lets Nina style his hair. She enjoys it and he does too. He loves the feeling of her hands moving gently through his curls. Closing his eyes, he allows himself to imagine that it's his mother. If he shudders or lets loose a few tears, he pretends it was the cold or the pain from having his hair tugged at. Nina lets him pretend, she understands wanting maternal affection, she's an orphan herself. She thinks having it and then having it taken away due to situations like these is harder than never having had it at all.

He goes to sleep slowly, curling up like a cat and watching Jesper's face in the restfulness of sleep. Oh, how lucky he is.

Nina

Nina has mixed feelings about the lockdown because she's an ambivert. She misses meeting people, but is also really happy and comfortable just staying in and hanging out with the other Crows.

She wakes up in the morning, not too early and not too late, but obviously later than Matthias because who even wakes up that early? Anyway, she stretches and lounges in bed for a while, enjoying the warmth. When she wakes up, Matthias is usually about to go for a shower (so he's sweaty, very very sweaty). He tries to hug her, but she dodges. "No, no! Take a shower first!" He grins and grabs her again (Is this really what all his Fierdan training is meant for? He thinks so, yes). Even though she doesn't quite enjoy the feeling of sweat-slicked arms around her, she loves this side of Matthias. This playful, childish side that only she gets to see. Every time it pops up, she feels proud, honoured even that he trusts her enough to be himself with her. It makes her heart warm.

After all the breakfast shenanigans, she goes into a room and picks up her knitting supplies. She's picked up this hobby in the lockdown to kill time, but now she's actually quite enjoying it. She makes socks and scarfs and sweaters and beanies, all with bright colours and cosily mismatched. She then gifts it to the others. She knows that they don't like it and that is why she pretends that they are genuine gifts. They wear it and she loves how they look it in. It makes her crack up so many times (she also loves them for it).

Wylan lands up with a pink and yellow coloured beanie that is about two times too big for his head. It keeps falling into his eyes and making him look like a little poisonous mushroom. Jesper gets a giant rainbow scarf that he loves. He wears it all the time and makes sure to hit as many people with the ends of it as he rewraps it around his neck over and over again. Inej gets a bright blue sweater with green and orange polka dots that she drowns in. Nina knows that Inej likes the way it covers her hands and keeps them warm. Kaz gets purple and black striped socks that he claims he never wears, yet she sometimes sees them in the wash. Matthias is so aggressively supportive of her that he wears all her creations at once, a beanie, a sweater, two scarves and a pair of socks. He's like a human furnace and she loves to cuddle him in them (she also suspects that he loves this too and this is the real reason he does it, but she, of course, doesn't mind).

She loves using her dares in the evening to embarrass Kaz because that is her true purpose in life, she is simply superb at it. And the glares she gets in return fuel her very soul (and if it makes Inej smile, then that's just an extra benefit).

She sometimes has girl-time with Inej, where they paint each other's nails and talk about Kaz or sometimes they talk about nothing at all. They play music and simply enjoy each other's company.

She and Matthias go to bed cuddling, his warmth wrapped all around her, or her warmth enveloping him. She didn't know a pair of arms could feel this wonderful, but she knows that it wouldn't work with just any pair of arms. Only his, always his.

Matthias

Matthias enjoys the lockdown time. He likes all the extra time, which he fills up with all sorts of activities he's always wanted to try. He also feels anxious if he's being unproductive so it's a win-win. He wakes up early. The waking up part is easier than leaving the circle of Nina's arms, but he manages somehow. He works out, ignoring Jesper and that accursed name (Matty).

Later, he moves on to his current hobby, woodworking. He's working on an extra cupboard so that Nina has space for all her clothes (she keeps buying more because she's bored and online shopping kills time, but Matthias blames it entirely on Jesper). Everybody is a bit jealous of how productive he is during the lockdown, but they also love it because of the gifts they get from it.

Matthias made Kaz a new cane with more modifications and a better grip and took Nina's help to make sure that it matched his "aesthetic" (he's still a bit unsure what that means, but by the way Kaz's eyes widened, he knows Kaz liked it, so that's enough for him). He made Inej some new scabbards and the way she held his gaze and thanked him for it sincerely touched him (this is why Inej gets the most gifts, comparable only to how many Nina gets). Wylan got a dartboard with Jan Van Eck's face on it that he loves (It was supposed to be a bit of a joke gift, but Wylan is now a master of darts and enjoys it quite a bit, so there's that). Jesper got a holster that Nina insisted on bedazzling and when they gave it to him, his whole body stilled and tears filled his eyes. He leapt at them which Matthias nearly took for an attack before he hugged them (Matthias still thinks of this as a different type of attack, but he supposes that it is tolerable) (Jesper now tries to hug him all the time).

The part he enjoys most is relaxing with Nina. When they're cuddling he feels the warmth seep through his skin all the way to his heart. When he asked Nina if she was doing something to his heart with her Heartrender powers, she laughed and laughed and laughed. That made his heart thud louder and louder, making him believe that she really was doing something to it. All the cuddling reminds him of the first time they did it, huddling together in Fierda to conserve warmth. He doesn't know how it happened, but somehow he has her now and it is everything.

(Comment what you think about this, it would mean the world to me! <3)

Next chapter

Let me know if anyone wants to be added to the tag list.

[persephones-wren]

Assassination Masquerade | Act I (II) | Kaz Brekker x Reader

Warnings: swearing(?), threats(?)

Genre: Unclassified

A/N: I was not expecting the amount of attention I got on my last post- really surprised to see how many people liked it so I just decided to write the second part in one go as a little surprise thing? I dunno, but enjoy :) 

Word Count: 1510

It was winter by the time Kaz had first acknowledged, perhaps even appreciated, your ability to think through things the way he had.

The air was crisp and dirty snow filled the streets, and his office was frustratingly cold as he tried to work on the plan to take the stunning set of pistols for bid at the auction house. His head hurt for the third day in a row, his leg throbbed more than usual, and nothing in the plan came together. Plan A, Inej dies, Plan B, Jesper would be in some deep shit, so on and so forth. He was close to running out of letters.

A knock sounded at the door, and he let out a harsh sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Who is it?”

“It’s Y/N,” your voice called through the door. “I have tea. Nina insisted I give it to you.”

Nina. He had been sporting a headache for the past couple of days, and his mood had considerably worsened, not that he’d think anyone would’ve noticed. His mood was pretty static, and he didn’t talk much to others; there was a small chance they would have noticed his increased temper. Besides, he was always thinking, brooding. A headache didn’t change the way he was that much.

“Tell her to stop worrying about me. I’ll be fine.”

“Even if you are fine, this still seems like good tea. Shame for it to go to waste.”

He rolled his eyes. “Then just leave it out the door, thanks.” “Yeah, sorry, can’t do that, Brekker. I know you hate being coddled, but she wants to make sure you actually drink it.”

“Tell her I will, and that if she doesn’t leave me alone about it, I’m going to go to her personally with more than just some kind words.”

Maybe headaches did worsen his mood noticeably, he mused. Threatening a Heartrender wasn’t above him, but he at least thought about it first.

“Well, I don’t really feel like bringing back the tea and pissing her off. I’d rather your rage later than Nina now.”

Really? That was certainly something he hadn’t expected. Him angry over Nina? What had she threatened you with, a comatose state?

You opened the door timidly and stepped forward, carefully holding the cup and saucer as you continued towards his desk. You pretended the scathing glare he sent your way had no effect on you, and set the tea next to the auction blueprints with a small thump.

“Forget Nina, it’s you who’s going to have a broken arm the next time I see you.”

You gave him a dry smile. “Oh, charismatic Kaz Brekker, Bastard of the Barrel and Leader of the Crows, would you please spare me some mercy from your vengeful wrath? What ever did I do to deserve it?”

What were you doing? Were you an idiot, were you trying to get yourself killed? No one sasses Kaz Brekker, especially not a girl he’s known for two months. You’re fucked in the head. He’s thrown out prized investments the moment they aren’t any use to him. You’re not even an investment, you’re a nobody. He could undo the protection he’d granted at any moment.

“I might kill you. You are, quite possibly, less of a delight than Jesper is.”

“Thanks, I appreciate it,” a corner of your mouth tips up. His scowl deepens, and you smile sheepishly. You glance over the plans at the desk. “Sorry, sorry. What are you mulling over?”

He chooses to say nothing, sipping the tea and leaning back in his chair, watching you wait for an answer.

Hopefully you’d leave him alone. He was only half kidding about the broken arm.

“Very helpful,” you bite out, and you glance at the plans, running through all the different buildings you know close by. He wouldn’t choose somewhere far, not in the winter. “This is the auction house just a bit outside Ketterdam. You’re planning to steal the pistols. To sell, or for Jesper?”

“What do you think?”

“Probably not to sell, considering if something goes missing at the auction house, it’s high profile,” you conclude. “So what part of the plan are you stuck on?”

“The guard rotations.”

Your face morphs into one of surprise, he never admits where he’s stuck, maybe his headache really had drained him more than you thought. He says nothing more, and watches as the cogs turn in your brain.

The guard rotations. You squint at the paper. They cover all entrances and exits. They move throughout the hallways, and they’ll keep changing locations, meaning that if a rotation of guards doesn’t show up at the right time, the alarm will be raised. You’ll be caught, either in the room or trying to escape the halls.

“Do you know how they move?” you decide to ask.

“Of course.” He crosses his arms, still silent.

“Care to elaborate?” you prompt.

“Not particularly.”

“Alright,” you mutter. “Jackass,” you swear under your breath. He chooses to ignore you, instead looking at the window. Your eyes are still on the blueprints.

You can’t get out if the alarms are raised, meaning that the priority should be to stay undetected. Have Inej go to the roof, and camp out there. You could take out the guards and have two of the crew dress up as the guards. They move with the rotations. Take out the guards three rotations before the door, so that the crew guards the door when the auctioneer finally gets there. Delay, delay, and delay. That’ll give Inej the time to slip in and replace the pistols with shittier guns. Then wait until the rotation of the guards switches to the outside, where the crew could then flee.

“I think I’ve got an idea.”

“Go on, then. I don’t have time to waste, Inej is going to be here with nightly reports any minute.”

“Right,” you swallow. “Get Inej to the roof, on the wall where the pistols are kept. Take out two of the guards and impersonate them for rotations.”

“Can’t do that. They’d find the bodies in the auction room, and alarms would be triggered.”

“Don’t start at the auction room, then,” you reason. “Start three rotations back from the auction room. You can find some cover there, presumably. It’ll be easier to hide bodies there than in an empty room. Moving on,” you continue, “the point is to have two of you guard the door when the auctioneer is there.  You can continuously delay and deny him entry while Inej swaps the guns with worse ones.”

“They’ll know the ones are fake,” he shoots blindly at your plan, but he already knows where this is going. He just wants to see if you get past his counters.

“That doesn’t matter. Even when alarms are triggered, rotations still continue. Two rotations from the auction house, you’ll be in the courtyard. Inej will still be on the roof, if you and Jesper are impersonating guards, then you’ll be outside. As long as you’re convincing enough, you can flee from the courtyard after it’s over, and Inej can meet you there.”

“And if we’re not good enough actors?” he points out.

“If you’re not? You’ve impersonated hundreds of guards. Don’t give me that,” you frown. “We both know that you’ll be a fine guard.” “Will Jesper, though?”

“I don’t know, has he done it before?”

“He has,” Kaz says slowly, “but he’ll need to be on transportation most of the night.”

“Okay, well then, uh…maybe you could take along someone else. Like Wylan.”

There’s another heavy silence as he thinks it over, before another voice rings out.

“All in all, though, it’s not a bad plan. Y/N would certainly be good to take along with us. She could be your second guard.” The shadows step forward, and Inej is there, wearing her signature cloak.

“How the hell do you do that,” you breathe out quietly. “Hi, Inej.”

“Does she know how to fight? And does she know how to act?” Kaz counters, and then their eyes are both on you.

“Scrappily,” you concede. “I’m not great, but I play underhanded. I’ll give you a great chance that I can hurt the guards. Undetected though? Most likely not. And as for acting- I can’t lie to you and say I’m great, but probably passable. I stood guard for Vukovic some of the time.”

“Train with Jesper on how to shoot and Inej will teach you something on how to be quiet. The auction is in two weeks. I’ll finalize the details.”

“I’m going?” you ask.

“Crappy acting I can somewhat deal with. The rest? Depends on how good you are.”

“Okay,” you nod, but even you can hear the muffled undertones of anticipation in your voice.

“Right then,” Kaz nods. “Good that you can be of use. Now. Out.”

Even with his twisted way of saying thank you, there’s a brief look of appreciation from Kaz as you shut the door to his office, a small smile on your face.

[klbwriting]

Pirate’s Heart - Chapter 5

Parade Music Part 1

Fandom: Six of Crows

Pairing: Kaz/female!Reader

Summary: Y/N is saved and Kaz finds something troubling

Notes: so this was originally going to be longer but it was getting to be like 2500 words and I figured I would split it into 2 chapters, also we get to see how Y/N and Kaz met and the flirting is just *chef’s kiss*

Taglist:  @sixofshadowandbone​ @thedelusionreaderbitch​ @itsemy01​ @angelicdanvers​ @marinettepotterandplagg​ @screen-to-stage​ @aysegust​ @sagewrites111​ @lilyoflower​ @hey-peeps​ @starjane312​ @spawn0fsatan​ @myalupinblack​ @ameliathackray​ @moondustmarauder​

​

(its been too long since I’ve seen Milo)

This is parade music

Good grade music

Party like you just paid or got laid music

              Kaz had panicked when they started going to fast in the boat, they all looked shocked as Y/N was just pushing them, moving so fast in the water. Then he felt the boat falter for just a moment and blood was moving behind her legs in the water.  A bullet must have hit her and for whatever reason Kaz felt his heart was in his throat, worried she might stop and they would all be killed, worried that she was going to die.  He wasn’t sure at what point in this little jaunt he had really gotten attached to Lady Heartless but now he was.  They had always been friendly, even as rivals, but he never felt worried about her.

              Just after he was made captain of the Crow their small crew needed money to get more hands on deck so they had decided to hit up a small navy treasury on Port Du Nonce.  They noticed another ship was there, a pleasure vessel that they ignored, assuming it was just for the men.  They were even excited, hopefully most of the guards would have abandoned their posts to go party for the night.  They were shocked to find the guards dead, all of them.  Inside the treasury was a small group of young women, putting the money and gold bullion into bags and barrels.  

              “Can we help you gentlemen?” one of the women, the oldest of the group asked, holding her machete casually at her side, a pistol poised in her other hand. Kaz had considered his options, there were more of her crew than theirs, the odds were not good.

              “Who are you?” he asked, glaring.  He had wanted to make a striking first impression on his first job but clearly this would not be happening.  

              “I am…” the woman paused as if no one had asked her that before.  “Lady Heartless.”  Kaz had laughed at that.  What a dumb name.  “Have you come to steal our treasure?”

              “No, we came to steal Pekka Rollins treasure, but it appears you’ve done that already,” he said.  He didn’t know the moment it happened but something shifted then, maybe it was something he said or did but she put her weapons away and snapped her fingers.

              “Come on ladies, we have enough treasure, let’s leave the rest for the boys here,” she said.  The girls just nodded and grabbed onto what they were carrying.  She picked up a couple full bags of her own.  “There, now we each have some treasure to get our pirate careers going.  Take this half and stay out of my life, I’ve already had my life ruined once I don’t want it happening again.”  Kaz had watched her walk away and in that moment decided he was going to mess with her, fuck up every heist she tried to do if he could, generosity was a weakness he would exploit at every turn.  

              At first that’s what he did, he would do any job that he thought she might be at, noticing her pattern of only attacking pleasure vessels or navy treasuries or mining sights, anything that Rollins had a hand in.  His uncle must have done whatever she had said had ruined her life. They met often at first and finally she had gotten tired of him.  

              “You are ruining my life,” she one night when she had just finished kicking his ass and taking a job out from under him, something he normally did to her. “Now, stay down and don’t make me shoot you.  You’re a boy trying to be a man, grow up a little bit before you try crossing me again.”  

              “I’m not here to ruin your life, only fuck up your night,” he said, moving to stand.  She sighed and shook her head.

              “I really didn’t want to do this,” she muttered.  He lunged for her, ready to take her out with his cane, when she shot him.  It only grazed him really but it was the first time he had been shot and instead of pushing through it and attacking he just grabbed her sleeve, pulling it down and seeing the scarring on her chest.  It was then, as he lay bleeding, that he put together who she was.  

              “Wait…” he had called but she kept walking, yelling for his crewmates to come retrieve him before leaving him there.  

              Kaz touched the scar on his side from her shooting him as he cleaned up from their job.  She had been taken to his medic’s room to be looked at and he had sent the others to clean up.  The ship was in a state of paused motion right now, everything seeming slow as they waited to hear about the other captain.  He knew that the others had questions, but it wasn’t his place to answer them.  He had left them waiting for word on her while he changed and wiped off the blood. He had already been sick from what had been happening but seeing her carried below, pale and mumbling incoherently had made it worse.  He couldn’t stomach going to see her while she was worked on so instead he decided to go through the bag she had retrieved.

              He hid the will and all of Rollins’s identification papers, knowing that the crew did not need to know about any of that.  He counted the heaps of money and bonds finding that there more than he thought before.  This was enough for both ships to function for a year without needing to do another job. He set them aside and started to pour through the business documents, wanting to see what was going on amongst the islands.  He froze when he found a parchment that held plans for harnessing the power of a sea witch to destroy the reef and open them back up to the world again.  That would be a problem.  More access meant more pirates, more competition.  Kaz clenched his jaw, he didn’t like the sound of this. He slid that paper aside to show Y/N later, if she survived.  He was just finishing a rather boring stacks of documents when Jesper came in without knocking.

              “Didn’t I tell you next time you came in unannounced you would lose a finger?” Kaz asked, looking up from the parchment.  Jesper took a step back out the door and knocked on it.  Kaz nodded, not really wanting to get more blood on him tonight anyway.  

              “I just wanted to let you know that Y/N is ok, awake, the medic gave her a crutch to use and why the hell didn’t anyone tell us she could do that? What is she?” Jesper asked.  Kaz glared at him.  “You know what, I will just go and ask her, um, goodnight.”  He closed the door in a hurry.  Kaz let out a breath of relief and sat back, a small smile coming to his face.

                Y/N woke up, sitting up quick and gripping her head.  It ached like someone had hit her with a hammer.  She looked around the small cabin, slowly figuring out that it was the medic’s room.  She looked at her leg, seeing her pantleg pushed up to her knee, a bandage wrapped around it.  There was a crutch leaning on the bed.  She gingerly swung her legs over the side and stood, leaning on the crutch.  She remembered swimming and the pain, she must have been shot during the escape.  She needed to get some seawater and kelp, that should help her heal faster. She pushed open the door of the cabin and walked out.  Inej and Nina were waiting for her.

              “Let us help you,” Nina said, offering her arm.   Y/N took it gratefully and walked to the steps.  “What do you need?”

              “Find out if they have any kelp and seawater aboard, I don’t think I can swim enough to get it myself, it’ll help me heal up faster,” she said.  Inej nodded and went off to do as asked.  “When she gets back I’ll explain everything.” Nina smiled.

              “Its ok, we kind of figured you were a mermaid with the whole finding you in the jungle thing, and you know not aging for 5 years,” she said.   Y/N laughed a little, feeling a great fondness for her ladies.  She wished she could love them, she really did.  

              “Yes, but I didn’t tell you everything and you should know, I mean, I’m sure you’ve pieced together parts of my story, but I should tell you both all of it,” she said.  Nina got her above deck and sat her on a bench near the side of the ship.  She stretched out her leg and saw the rest of the crew eyeing her.  Ah, so everyone knew there was mermaid aboard now, great.  Inej soon came back with some kelp and fresh seawater.  

              “Captain Kaz told them to get it after he knew you survived,” she said. Y/N raised an eyebrow but just nodded, taking the kelp and dipping it in seawater.  “Nina, remove the bandage please.”  Nina did as asked, her fingers quick and concise.  Once removed Y/N handed her the kelp.  “Now wrap that like a bandage.”  Once again the girl did as asked before sitting back.  

              “How does that help?” Nina asked.  

              “Mermaids get their abilities from the water, we are born into it and we spend our lives taking care of it and the creatures in it so it in turn takes care of us.  I’m sure you saw me swimming, it gives us some extra strength and speed in the water and also can help us heal quickly.  That wound should be gone in a couple days.  Send word to the Menagerie to meet us at the rendezvous point at Pirate Island,” she said.  Inej ran off to do that.  Jesper, Matthias, and Wylan joined them soon, offering their regards and telling her they were happy she was alive.  She looked at the stern and saw Kaz watching her.  He didn’t approach so she just nodded to him and he nodded back to her.  

              During the voyage to Pirate Island, the farthest island from Argoes, Y/N slept a lot in Kaz’s room, healing up.  Kaz avoided his room mostly, only sleeping in short bursts so that he could not be around her.  She looked dead still when she slept and he couldn’t handle it.  After Jordie he couldn’t handle someone else he cared about being hurt like this.  He scowled at himself.  Admitting he cared for Y/N just annoyed him, he already cared too much about other people and its not like she could ever really care about him.  She could like him enough to not want him to die, but actually care?  Never.

              He hadn’t meant to be in the room when she woke up but here she was, just a few hours before they would be getting to their destination, sitting up, looking much better, eyes finally focused and sharp again.  Kaz had been coming in to change his shirt but stopped, trying to close the door again but she had seen him.

              “Kaz Brekker get in here and acknowledge that I’m alive,” she demanded. He groaned internally.  This fucking woman.  He entered, glaring at her.  “Don’t be like you’re happy I’m still breathing.”  He dropped the glare but still didn’t look pleased.

              “What do you want?  Aren’t you still resting?” he asked, leaning to his cane.  She leaned down and peeled the kelp from her leg, showing him a scar where the wound had been.  “Miracles seem to happen every day for you it seems.”

              “Not the day I met you cranky,” she grumbled.  This brought out the glare again.  “Why have you been avoiding me?  We should be talking about what we found from Rollins’s desk and how to divvy up the cash.”  Kaz didn’t want to answer her question so he avoided it.

              “There’s enough in there for each of us to live a year without actually pirating,” Kaz said.  Y/N’s face broke out in a grin that rivaled the sun.  “We can do the official split after the party.”

              “Party?” she asked.  Kaz was throwing a party?

              “It’s the biggest bounty we’ve had in years, the men want to have a party. They also wanted me to ask for your ladies to join if they want,” he said.  

              “Yes of course as long as they behave, anyone giving trouble will have body parts removed,” Y/N said.  Kaz agreed to her stipulations before moving on to the next issue.

              “We have a problem, Rollins has plans to harness a sea witch’s power to try and break the reef again,” he said.  Her eyes widened.  “More access to these islands means more competition for us, less loot to go around.”

              “It would mean that Rollins would get unlimited power too, if the sea witch’s power is strong enough to break the reef it could possibly be strong enough to do much more to the rest of the world,” she said.  Kaz looked at her surprised, having not thought about that.

              “What would give a sea witch that kind of power?” he asked although he was pretty sure he already knew.

              “The heart of a rare tail mermaid,” she answered.  “Well, we have the plans, is there a map?”

              “Yes, to a spot near Argoes.”

              “Horus’s home, they probably don’t know how to summon them, shit, now that Rollins knows I’m alive he’ll probably try to find me.  Fuck, I’m going to have to abandon the Menagerie until this is over, I can’t put those woman at risk over my own stupidity,” she said, throwing the useless kelp across the room.  “He knows I’m alive, he knows I know how to summon a sea witch.  I’m sorry Kaz, me just being here is going to put you in danger…”

              “I’m not worried about that, I’m worried about how we’re getting you to this Horus’s home to summon them,” he said.  She snorted a laugh.

              “You think that I’m just going to waltz in there and somehow get their power? They wear their power in a crystal around their neck, it would take a master thief or magician…”

              “Good think I’m both of those things,” Kaz said.  She looked at him.  

              “When do we tell the crew?” she asked.  

              “After the party, let them have some fun before we start putting their lives in danger again,” he said.   Y/N nodded. “Will you…join me at the party?”

              “Are you asking me on a date Kaz Brekker?” she asked, hoping she didn’t bely how pleasing the idea was.  Kaz smirked and shook his head.

              “No, I just know everyone would like to see you there looking healthy after you almost died on us,” he said.  “Morale booster and all.”   Y/N looked at him and smiled, he was telling her half of the truth.

              “Admit it, you just are too nervous to ask me on a date.”

              “Would you even say yes if I did?”

              “Ask and you’ll find out.”  Kaz opened his mouth to speak but they heard the call for land above them so instead he stood and headed out the door.  Y/N smiled after him and for the first time she felt a pang of something new in her soul, she couldn’t identify it but it was something that only Kaz seemed to bring out in her.  

[wield-the-mighty-pen]

The Crows and their love languages

I Don’t know if this has already been done, but this is my interpretation of the love languages of the Crows, feel free to disagree but this is what I felt best fit the characters based on what I’ve read/seen.

Nina

Without a question as both a giver and a receiver, Nina’s love language is physical contact. Though she is seen displaying every other love language, it is through touch that Nina appears to benefit the most. She is offended and subsequently worried about her relationship with Matthias when he avoids touching her and still hadn’t kissed her. Through Inej’s POV, we see a lot of hugs and touches given by Nina. She even uses touch as a heartrender. For her job at the White Rose she is required to touch people to improve their mood and change their appearance. But to focus on the first one, she literally uses touch to make people happy. It makes the most sense to associate Nina with physical contact, which also might be the reason that she and Kaz don’t get along.

Matthias

I found Matthias to actually be the hardest to figure out, he doesn’t really display any specific patterns when it comes to displaying affection. I would say that it is physical contact but he seems to avoid a lot of physical contact with Nina to stay in accordance with the Fjerdan tradition. I guess the love language I see the most with Matthias as both a giver and receiver is acts of service. When he recalls his mother, he remembers aiding her when she was pregnant, he offers on several occasions to do things for Nina, he considers Jarl Brum, a man he was in service as a soldier to, as a father figure. As a receiver, his reaction to Inej’s sacrifice on the first boat indicates that he values acts of service. Additionally, he begins to like Nina (in flashbacks) after she had helped save his life and worked to keep him alive. There are other examples of acts of service being his love language, but I think this suffices.

Wylan

 100% he is in need of some words of affirmation. Though we don’t really see his interactions with the other crows as much since he doesn’t have his own perspective in SOC, in Crooked Kingdom and in the times we see Wylan in Six of Crows, his usage of words of affirmation is evident. As a receiver, he is seen to want approval desperately from his father, to take offense easily at teasing from the other crows, he seems to tie a lot to words. As a giver, his preference for words of affirmation is even more abundant in example. He is always seen giving pep talks to Jesper and is mystified when Kaz refuses to admit the importance of Inej, he becomes angry at the lack of acknowledgement of her merit, of her significance to Kaz. Wylan appears to gather strength from words of affirmation, in fact, after he shares his inability to read with Kaz, it is Kaz’s response that gives him the strength to share with others and even embrace his disability. As a child who so rarely got words of encouragement and affirmation, it makes sense that he places such importance on this particular love language.

Jesper 

Jesper is an interesting case, he, like Nina, likes to utilize all of the love languages. However there are two that he really hones in on. As a giver he is seen to use physical touch and occasionally words of affirmation, as a receiver he requires words of affirmation. Focusing on Jesper as a receiver, the beginning of SOC establishes words of affirmation as his primary love language. He is hurt when Kaz doesn’t acknowledge his trust in Jesper and is seen multiple times throughout the book with hurt feelings when he is excluded from the secrets Kaz shares with Inej, he wants the affirmation of his close relationship with Kaz through the sharing of secrets. As a giver, Jesper uses two different languages. In regards to physical contact, he is shown using this love language a lot with others, there are a plethora of examples within both books, it is shown that he relies on this mode a lot. However, he also employs words of affirmation, the best example of which I can think of is when he lies to Inej about Kaz visiting her to spare her feelings. Though the effort didn’t work, Jesper’s nature is exposed here for being one of comforting words regardless of their accuracy. The other example I think of is from the beginning of Six of Crows, where Kaz remarks that Jesper would pacify the dregs and make Kaz’s victory belong to them all and would boost them up. He is evidently known for his use in this love language, and therefore is still relatively evenly between the two methods of affection.

Inej

Inej uses two different love languages, one as a giver and one as a receiver. As a giver, Inej employs words of affirmation. This can be seen through her various pep-talks given out to the other crows, in her kind words to her hurting friends, and in her exchanges with Kaz. She is good at encouragement and her words are shown to have an impact, specifically seen with exchanges she has with Jesper and Kaz (they both think about and mull over her words in their inner monologues). It is through words she connects with others, however she has relationships and important connections that more often than not do not supply her with words of affirmation back. This leads into her receiver love language, this being quality time. This is not the most intuitive love language for Inej, but through analyzing her character it is plain to see that it is this love language that she responds to the most. The way that Inej recalls her family and her father is through her fond memories of them, is through the good times she spent with them. She does not simply remember her family through traits or through objects or even through words but through scenes, and through the memories that contain the words she remembers. Additionally, when injured on the Ferolind, she requests that Nina stay and spend time with her, she values her presence. With Kaz this love language is a little harder to scope out, after all their relationship also contains acts of service, gift giving, and little bursts of words of affirmation, but Inej seems to appreciate and respond the most to the quality time she spends with Kaz. She is hurt when she learns that he didn’t visit while she was unconscious, there are countless examples of wordless communication as they spend time together, Kaz even points out that he “is here” with Inej, he is present and there to help her, something that she subsequently responds to. In a way, Inej’s relationship with Kaz is unique from her other relationship in that it requires every love language (even physical contact) but quality time is in many ways a significant one.

Kaz

Now that I’ve gone on a tangent for Inej, we finally reach our most complex character when it comes to love languages (I’m sorry please prepare for another tangent). To be clear, Kaz’s love languages are not difficult to decipher from the vantage point of a reader but the way he expresses himself to other characters is in a complex manner that was formed from his upbringing and past trauma. As a giver it is plain and obvious that Kaz is a gift giver, he is constantly seen practicing this love language. He gifts Jesper his guns back after he loses them in Crooked Kingdom, He gifts Wylan his family fortune back. He even yearns to gift his dead brother his avengeance in the form of taking down Pekka Rollins. Of course, this love language can be viewed the most in his interactions with Inej. He notoriously gifts her a ship “The Wraith”, he gifts her her parents, he even gifts her freedom by buying her contract from Per Haskell, each gift allowing her the future she so desires. Although these gifts pain him, although he wants her to stay with him, he still gives and provides her with these tools, because he loves her, because he wants to express to her how much she means to him. Kaz is not a character who outwardly expresses his feelings very often, but through his gift giving it is shown that he does appreciate those around him, that he does care about others. As a receiver however, Kaz appears to appreciate the love language of Acts of Service the most. Though this analysis is about the books I did want to touch upon a scene in the TV show. The scene in question is when Inej kills the inferni. Inej commits her first kill in order to help Kaz and the look he gives her pretty much sums up his feelings on the matter.

 In the books he says in his narration how him making Jesper his only second, shows that he trusts him. He gradually warms up to both Matthias and Wylan as they progress in the mission and continue to aid him. He trusts Nina enough to be a part of the six going to the Ice Court, after using her services as a heart render multiple times. Now, it is possible that he only brought her along because of her powers and her connections to Matthias, but knowing Kaz he could make do without a heartrender and her addition only made things more complicated with Matthias at the beginning. Kaz agrees to free Inej after her words “I can help you”, he responds to that, it is with those words, with that offer to assist that their relationship begins. Inej is portrayed doing acts of service for Kaz nearly every night since her buyout, and Kaz has responded in kind making her his right hand woman. In summation, the way to earn Kaz’s respect, trust, and admiration is through acts of service.

[elleclairez]

Dating Kaz Brekker would include

Meeting each other :

You officially meet each other when Kaz becomes a member of the Dregs, which would mean that you were both around ten/eleven since he is a year older than you.

But in reality, Kaz met you way before. Before his life went down-hill. When he still knew what happiness meant. The first time he saw you was during his first days in Ketterdam when he and Jordie were living a happy life. The two brothers were walking down a street, cups of hot chocolate in hands when out of the blue, Kaz stopped in his tracks. He couldn't breathe, or a talk, let alone walk. Jordie even became worried until his eyes followed his brother's ones. Jordie understood what was happening the moment he saw you. A little girl in a beautiful dress, walking hand in hand with a woman that most probably your mother. Your smile, a grin from ear to ear could illuminate even the darkest street in all Ketterdam. Everything in you captivated Kaz, from your beautiful skin to your eyes, passing by your hair, nose... Slowly Kaz came out of his trance and pouted at his brother who was clearly laughing at him. But Jordie wasn't mocking him, he was happy for his brother and said "Grow up a little before and then fall for anyone you want. But seriously, she is cute." And then started chuckling again making little Kaz pouting even more. He might have been still a child, but even years later he will always think that since that day he understood what "love" meant. Even though Kaz was only nine, he knew that no matter who you were one day he will see you again.

And see you again, he did. But not the way he imagined. The second time he saw you again was a few weeks after his brother's death. Any trace of that innocent boy went away. But the same thing could be said about you. Any trace of happiness that could warm up any cold room disappeared.

Even after everything that he's been through Kaz could never get you out of his head. Weirdly enough, you were the second reason why he kept fighting to survive, well after getting revenge on Pekka Rollins obviously.

Imagine his surprise when he sees you one day on the docks of Ketterdam, hugging your mother. It took a few for Kaz to recognize you since you were so different that he remembered. You weren't physically different, no, but your smile, the trait that Kaz could never forget, well there was no trace of it. Instead, he saw your weeping eyes and your little arms hugging your mother. It would take years before Kaz finds out that the reason for this heartbreaking scene was that your mother had to go back to your home country, Ravka since as a powerful Grisha she had to fight for her country.

Hence why you had to stay with your grandfather, Per Haskell. Your mother didn't fully trust her father, but in her defense, at that time Haskell wasn't the horror that he became years later. And plus, it would always be better than to send you to your father, but that's a story for later.

Back to Dirtyhands, the young boy didn't even know you but seeing you cry and trembling of sadness made him want to protect you from the entire world. Something that he will actually do (or at least try to) in the future.

Now, let's go (finally) to the moment when you met. It was the same day Kaz joined the Dregs, he obviously already knew who you were but it didn't stop him from losing his ability to breathe when he saw you enter your grandfather's office so that he could introduce you to each other. Not that Haskell actually cared but he still did it since he was still a little a bit of a decent human being, at least for now.

Before the relationship :

Kaz and you connected right away. You were clearly opposites but it was fine for you. You balanced each other. You with your happy optimistic aura and him with his gloomy, sad one.

While Kaz trusted you with his life, he would never show it. Not until you admit to your feelings for each other at least. Not that he didn't want to be close to you but he chose not to. To protect you. To protect you from his demons, the danger that he could bring into your life. He knew you deserved better and he wanted that for you. He knew you could fend for yourself since you were an Inferni and the smartest person in the world (alongside him obviously) but he wanted you to get away from the Barrel as far as you could. He wanted you to go to University one day, travel the world, fall in love, have a family. He always told himself that would do anything for that to happen even if it meant not having you with him.

But you were having none of that. You showed him that you wanted him, as friends, lovers, you didn't care, you just wanted for you to be by each other's side.

So Kaz started to lower his guard, and at your fourteenth birthday, he finally admitted his feelings. You were so happy that you wanted to kiss him but knew you couldn't since you knew about his phobia and how it happened. You didn't' want to bring even more pain to him that he already feels every day. But Kaz thought otherwise and kissed you. The kiss was tender, short and awkward (since it was your and his first kiss) but it was the best kiss of your lives.

In the relationship :

Considering that you were a Haskell you were untouchable and yet somehow after becoming "Dirtyhands' girlfriend" it became even worse. Before the Dregs wouldn't get too close to you but now not even one soul in the Barell would even dare to even think about you. Because if they did that could definitely expect to get shot by a certain Sharshooter or get their troat slid by the Wraith or even worse get killed by Kaz himself and that I can assure you is definitely not a quick, painless death.

A year has passed since you started dating and you weren't known as "Per Haskell's heir" anymore but as "Kaz Brekker's partner" and any member of the Dregs were expected to be ready to die for you if the necessity came. But that wouldn't even be a problem since you were loved by everyone with your kindness but also sarcasm, humour and strength. No, you were nothing of a damsel in distress, you were a fighter, a powerful Inferni, but less cruel than the rest of the Barell.

Moving to the two of you. Outside of the safety of his (well yours since you basically lived there) room or floor to be exact, Kaz was cold as ice but you knew him well, or at least thought you did, then you'd be able to see small gestures that would show how much you mean to him.

First, they say our eyes are the mirror of our soul. Well, that saying is pro en true thanks to Kaz and you. During every meeting, every walk in the city, you could always feel Kaz watching you. Not in a creepy way, no, but in a caring way. Since he knows that he can't show any emotions in the streets, Kaz will always keep an eye on you, just to be sure that you wouldn't disappear or get hurt. Kaz would never forgive himself if something happened to you.

Secondly, since Kaz is actually a softie on the inside (you can fight me on that but I won't change my mind) he will always make sure that you stay next to him, preferably with on of his gloved hands on the small of your back or if can't do that he will put his cane in front of you. In some ways, that gesture calms him down because he knows that he could protect you if needed.

Next, Kaz will always try to keep you as far as he can from violence. You are one of the only ones in the Dregs that hasn't suffered too much in your life and he wants that to stay that way. So he'll make sure to always keep you safe but since you are a Haskell you'd have to actually go into action once in a while and when that happens you can bet that he or Inej or Jesper or Nina will be by your side to protect you.

Kaz doesn't really know how to show that he cares so he'll just be protective. Sometimes it would be a bit too much and you would even fight because of it (and trust me when you fight the entire Barell knows about it) but you know that he does that only out of love so you don't stay mad at him for too long.

Now let's move on to the other side of the relationship, in the safety of his/your room Kaz is a softie. Firstly you're the only one who knows about his past, how he moved from his farm with Jordie, how that lived their first weeks in Ketterdam but most importantly how he survived the Queen's Lady Plague. The first time he told you about his past you cried as if feeling the pain that he was feeling. Since that day you became as protective of him as he is of you. No, but really, someone says something too cruel about Kaz then they better run because an angry Inferni is on her way.

Being with him also means that he actually allows himself to relax around you. It does as far that he can beat skin to skin contact but too much either. But that small hugs, kisses that you share are cherished by the both of you so much since they show how much you care about each other and it shows him that he isn't alone.

Relationship with the others :

Jesper and you. To describe you shortly, you are plationic soulmates. The two of you are so alike but so different at the same time. Your sense of humour is what actually made you grow closer and since that day you've inseparable. If one goes somewhere you can without a doubt expect the other one to follow, no matter how stupid the idea of the first one is.

Nina and you. You consider each other best friends or even more than that. In fact you are so close that while Kaz isn't jealous of your relationship with Jesper, he is constantly afraid that the Heatender would steal you from him. Funilly enough Nina has made a habit to always flirt with you whenever you see each other only to get on Kaz's nerves. Something that neither Matthias or Kaz are keen on since the two males both know what a power couple you two would be, just imagine a Heartender and an Inferni together, well even the Darkling would have been afraid. Not that any of the two would actually admit it.

Wylan is like a baby brother to you. You would always protect from anyone, would it be an unknown treat, Van Eck or even someone from the Dregs. Well maybe not the Dregs since they all know not to get on your bad side. The merchling saw you as a sister too. If he needed advice or help it's you that he would go to. You understood each other so well that people started to actually believe you were related. The only thing that always confused the boy was such a nice person like you ended falling from someone as grumpy as Kaz.

Matthias and you have a complex relationship. On one hand he felt obligated to hate you, you were a Grisha and the fact that you were with the "Demjin" didn't help your case. But with time he learned to respect you and considered you as his friend till the day he died. I mean you could not like you, you were nice and smart and beautiful (not that physical appearance matters but still). In fact Matthias cared fro you so much (platonically of course) that he even threatened Kaz that if the man ever hurt you then the Fjerdan would find a way to destroy. A threat that all the Dregs agreed to and even Kaz responded by saying that if he ever hurt you he wouldn't fight back.

To describe in one word yours and Inej's relationship you could use the word complicated. You respect each other and care for each other. You even consider each other friends, especially since Inej found out that you are the one who convinced your grandfather to pay off her debts to Tante Heleen. And yet you still have a weird relationship, especially because of. certain kerch boy. As much as you trust both of them you cannot deny that you are not fearful that one day Kaz might develop such strong feelings for the Wraith that he might leave you. But then again you two are strong and independent women so not man will in between your friendship and that is why at least once a week you can be found along with Nina and Inej eating waffles at your favourite place.

[anonniemousefics]

My Dearest Inej | Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Masterlist

Originally posted on AO3

Rating: Teen And Up

Synopsis: A series of letters kept among the personal belongings of Captain Inej Ghafa.

Chapter Sixteen: My Dearest Jailbird

Good morning, Sunshine!

If you are reading this, you are probably waking up alone and wondering where you are and how you got there. And your assumptions are correct – Wylan and I are indeed criminal masterminds who’ve drugged you and kidnapped you and sold you to the Shu. Now all of your suits are mine!

Yes, I’m joking. Don’t kill me. In all of this mess, the one thing I’ve found amusing is thinking of how this must all be playing out from your perspective. You take a dog for a walk, you fall asleep on my couch, you wake up surrounded by Shu. Sorry about that. The real truth is you were poisoned, pretty badly. Inej says the Shu have the best hospitals and mediks – you’re in Bhez Ju. And before you start complaining, we paid a lot of money to convince them to take you, so keep the whining to a minimum.  

I know your Shu’s a little rusty, but Wylan is with you. His Shu is also rusty, but between the two of you, hopefully you’ll manage all right. As soon as you’ve got a clean bill of health (just physically speaking – no one’s assessing your laundry list of mental problems, don’t worry), Specht is prepared to bring you home.  

That’s the where of it all with a bit of the why. I imagine you have a lot more questions. Why were you poisoned, for example? Great question, Kaz. I think it’s because you stabbed a twelve-year-old. Can you not do that again, please? It really pissed him off, and some old enemies happened to catch wind of it and then we had to fight them. Which enemies, you ask? Yes, with you, this statement does require some clarification; there are so many. The Haskells, Kaz. I know, your favorites.

They tried to seize control of the Dregs, but they had kind of banked on you dying. Thank the Saints you’re stubborn in that department. Inej came back and handled it. Oh, you want to know how? I’ll tell you how, but if you’re going to be gross about how amazing she was, do it in private, all right?

Right. Let me set the scene. It was early morning in the warehouse district, sun coming up over the harbor. We hadn’t slept in days. We’d whisked you to the coast to meet Specht just the morning prior, before sunrise. We’d pressured Wylan to go, too – it was unpleasant. There may have been tears. (Not mine, let’s get that on the record right now.) And then Inej was orchestrating a massive takedown. Anika was delivering missives while pretending to look loyal to Haskell. (Whatever you’re paying her, it’s not enough.) The crew of the Wraith was assembling. Pistols, knives, explosives. We were all ready for the showdown of the decade.  

(For you, Brekker. I hope you’re picking up on this. You may be a bastard, but you’re our bastard. No one else is allowed to poison you but us.)

Inej had brokered terms with Haskell, and they had agreed to meet in the warehouse district. Haskell wanted a gentlemen’s duel – pistols at dawn -- which was downright laughable given the cheating tactics he’d already shown willing to employ. But Inej was eager to make a show of his humiliation for any remaining holdouts.  

I was nervous, I’ll admit. Guns and bullets are my thing. I was not happy that she was acquiescing to Haskell’s wishes – she’s meant for knives. I’m learning, though, as I’m sure you are, that second-guessing Inej is a waste of energy.  

And she assured me it wouldn’t matter whether she won or lost, not with the attack she was strategizing with her crew. She and Anika were working out how to use them to take out every one of Haskell’s snipers without word getting back to him. You know, the sneaky things Inej does best.

So, the morning of the duel arrives. Haskell and five of his associates stride in to the warehouse district, armed to the teeth in pistols and grenades. It feels very much my last morning in the world, and if Inej feels the same way, she doesn’t look it. She’s sharpened all of her knives all night until they’re practically mirrors, hidden away in all of her limbs, and I loaned her one of my pistols (I think I cried over that).  

Rhett Haskell made some bloviating demands about how we were to hand you over when we lost, because of course he was unaware that you were already halfway to Shu Han, but that’s beside the point. Inej told him to shut up and name his second. They met in the middle of the street, back to back, and began their paces. I began counting them down.

This is when shit started to hit the proverbial fan.

Haskell had no intention of abiding by the rules and turned at the count of eight.  

Inej anticipated, but Haskell had already drawn.  

Anika was watching it all and gave the command. Inej leapt left, Haskell’s bullet singing past her face. She springs the quick release on the bone-handled knife you gave her.  

And then the rest of the Dregs start pouring in at Anika’s orders just as Inej’s knife handle is sticking out of Rhett Haskell’s throat. They’re moving in to take out the rest of Haskell’s men.  

Then in that same goddamn minute – The Stadwatch roll in. Rifles, batons, handcuffs, smoke grenades. They’re coming in with wagons and shields, rounding up anyone they can get their hands on, carting them off. It was Haskell’s last trick. He’d tipped them off. If he couldn’t have the Dregs, no one would.  

Where was I in all of this? That’s a good question. Inej had named me her second. For a moment, I thought she’d been shot when I saw her go down to dodge the bullet, and I ran at her. I was aiming at anyone who’d get too close, and then, when she pulled herself up and I saw she was all right, we were back-to-back to fight our way out, pistols and knives at the ready.

But then, the Stadwatch. Kaz, you’ve got to believe that I was prepared to do whatever it took to get her out of there. If she wasn’t so heavily armed, I’d have even thrown her over my shoulder like a sack of potatoes, but she most definitely would have stabbed me if I’d tried. When the Stadwatch rolled in, she told me to run. It happened so fast, Kaz. She said I was the one who could arrange to have you cared for, arrange for the payments and such. She said I had to go. She fucking hit me in the face, Kaz, like really hard. So, I did what I was told.

So, that is both the good news and the bad news. And the infinitely worse bad news. The good news is the Haskells no longer maintain hold over the Dregs. The bad news, of course, is that the majority of the Dregs are in the custody of the Stadwatch. And the worst of it is that that number includes Inej. She will stand before a judge next month, who will almost definitely sentence her to Hellgate.

But don’t panic! We have time. You can write her; I visit her regularly with the solicitor I’ve procured for her case. And it’s just Stadhall right now. If you’re reading this, you’re awake, and you can help me figure out how to break her out. That’s a cake walk for you. Don’t panic. We have been in worse scrapes than this.  

Do try to keep things light when you write her, though, all right? What happened to you hit her pretty hard. It’s been difficult to watch.

And, for Saint’s sake, thank Wylan for me. Daily. He doesn’t say it, but I know he’s furious.  

Best wishes,

J. Fahey

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My dearest Inej, most cherished jailbird in all of Ketterdam,

First things first, I’m all right. Probably infinitely better than you, actually. I can move all ten fingers and toes and speak in complete sentences, and I’ve never been so patronized in my life for such menial accomplishments. At least I think that’s what these Shu mediks are doing when I do something they want. It sounds very patronizing, anyway.

I won’t bore you with too many details, which could easily be done, because it’s very boring here. The food is bizarre and horrible. I’m forced to walk laps around the ward at least three times a day, no matter how badly my leg hurts, but I’m proud to report I’ve not strangled a single nurse, even though I’ve really wanted to. Wylan has even said I can tell you that I’m a “model patient” – although I did glare at him rather heavily to get him to agree to do so. You can let Jesper know we're getting on all right. He enjoys my card tricks the most out of any of you, so if I can't be stuck with you, at least it's him.

All of this is, of course, thanks to you. I’m caught up on the letters, and I can hardly believe it all. I owe you far more than a debt of gratitude. I owe you my life. I owe you an entire city. I owe you everything.

Which, of course, brings me to your predicament. I’m working on it. I have said I would come for you, and I have always meant it. I will, love, just as soon as I can manage it. I am spending every waking second until then scheming what needs to be schemed to get you out of this.

In the meantime, have you tried not getting caught? That usually works for me.

With love and with gratitude and with every bit of strength I have,

I’m yours,

K. Brekker

P.S. – And, for gods’ sake, tell Jesper to stop telling me not to panic. It’s literally the most panic-inducing thing a person can say, and the nurses keep saying it's bad for my constitution.

P.P.S. - What happened to Artie Galligan in all of this? Or is the answer to that question bad for my constitution as well?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Zenik,

I had to call in some favors to get this to you. Don't ask, but you are allowed to be impressed. I need your help.

-Brekker

[whoslaurapalmer]

okay, final rule of wolves thoughts, clearly very spoilery, also literally just me talking about writing --

-there was a LOT going on plot wise but I feel like it was all paced pretty well, but at the end it did fall apart a little? mayu's pov just drops out?? (that's the book you should write next leighb not more crows as much as I love the crows but I'll get to that) zoya being queen is like phenomenal but also is really rushed?? same with nina and hanne?? they all become rulers completely unchallenged, without any difficulty?  -again, phenomenal moments and rightfully so and I'm glad they happen and they SHOULD, that difficulty shouldn’t always be there, nina calling it a beautiful dream but it being real matters so much, but it just doesn't feel.......narratively well done idk idk -i think it is just that it feels really rushed in some way  -like i don’t want them to have to work harder for that. but it IS really, really rushed 

-captain inej. my whole heart -kaz and jesper and wylan..........also my whole heart -kaz. my boy. the light of my fucking life.  -l o v e  h i m 

-i loved seeing zoya and genya and alina hang out at the very very end and wish there'd been moreeeeee

-ONCAT’S STILL ALIVE, THERE IS A GOD  -misha.......... :( 

-david's death -- on one hand, the cruel casualties of war, even when you think nothing can go wrong, the contrast in it happening right after the wedding, war and life can turn on a dime and that’s just, how it happens -- but, ugggg. It hurts bc there was so much of david and genya being precious and that shouldn't be the slap in the face it is when you read it again because then it's not sweet it's just foreshadowing loss and that's actually aggravating to think about. because we got so MUCH of it in rule of wolves. -especially bc david is THE ONLY casuality of the cast in this book????? literally the only one?????? unless i forgot someone????  -not that I WANTED more cast to die but. big casualties in alina's story and one (1) here. yes they've already lost a lot and zoya's garden shows that but, then especially why kill david 

-i don't know if I think the darkling gets redeemed -- I think it's a little funny that he brings together the starless one worshippers and he super hates them bc they aren't what he thinks he deserves and he can't completely manipulate them -- and I think him being resurrected in yuri in king of scars was a FASCINATING twist. because you read that and you think, oh my god, how are they going to handle that?????? 

-but, that's the thing, in writing -- it's not enough to write something that's a fascinating twist, you need to follow through with the right consequences of that twist. which means, you have the darkling again. what happens with him? he’s killed again -- but if immediately, why bring him back? if they wait to kill him, what is his worth to the plot that he lives longer? (and then he manages to manipulate them again!! as much as i wanted to see alina, i was really surprised that they actually, legitimately put them in the same room, that they even considered it, that they even asked alina!!! yes, nikolai will expend any avenue to help ravka -- but put alina and the darkling in the same room??????????) 

-he’s not killed again, or right away -- then he has to hang around. what does he do? does he try to regain his followers? he can’t because they aren’t who he wants. he has no one to go to. he doesn’t even go to alina again even if he knows where she is.  does he immediately plot against nikolai? but even the darkling admitted he can’t, but, since he did keep his powers, he’s clearly capable of it, actually. so then he’s just, trying to get the worshippers together and it just keeps going wrong for him like a sitcom plot? if he has to live -- is he redeemed? not every character can be redeemed. not every character DESERVES to be redeemed. does he hide and we never see him for the rest of the book? then that leaves an unresolved plot thread to be brought back later, and why? and then why not just kill him?  -then does he become a bigger plot problem for the characters that’s kind of unnecessary?

-so it brings me back to, again -- as fascinating a twist as it was, was it necessary? does the act of following through with the consequences come to outweigh the power of the twist, because those consequences cause more problems?  -and in general i think leighb is really good at working with ‘x happens -- there are consequences’ in her plots, so that’s why i’m so concerned about picking them apart 

-i’m sorry to make this like all about lulu talks about writing semantics but i respect leighb a lot as a writer particularly in her worldbuilding and characters which is why i want to think about this on a technical level  -so in the end -- is it a good twist??? or does it only harm or reduce the narrative that came before (he had to die and that was okay!!!!) and add an unnecessary additional plot problem to the narrative now??

-but -the darkling having to be the one in the thornwood, and finally stop the spread of the fold, what he himself was responsible for, that he deserves to finally suffer for because the darkling is a fuckwad and I hold like zero sympathy for him????? beautiful beautiful beautiful. (-but, again, it felt kind of too convenient, to have that be the answer to the blight.) (what should be the answer? i don’t know. it makes me wonder if the blight was something else unnecessary)  -but then genya forgiving him, for knowingly giving her to the king??? (not everyone has to be forgiven. not everyone can be forgiven.) zoya fulfilling his wish to be a saint???? which she did not have to do???? (guess it would appease the followers though??) giving him a pov???? like we need to know where he is, and it's funny that he's pissed off at the followers, but also maybe shouldn't be funny??? -oh what would've been fun (the good fun. not funny fun) was him wrestling with yuri more

-SPEAKING OF WRESTLING i know nikolai has to come to terms with the demon somehow and the failed obisbaya apparently helped but the demon was in the back quite a bit, I thought, even for as much as he shows up -maybe it’s just because it’s been like a year since i read king of scars 

-okay so the ending  -i know leighb said she wanted this to be like the grand finale of grishaverse but that she was still open to more and like i completely understand that but  -knowing when to end something is important, too. -every story has a natural conclusion. I think, yeah, there’s always, some piece that could probably still be talked about, BUT – you can’t just keep going back to a story or a world and try to draw more out of it, keep pushing something in it so you can push your characters and your story more and more. eventually it won’t feel the same. it won’t be a natural ending anymore, it will be, here is an end, OH LOOK HERE’S A NEW THING, here is an end, OH LOOK HERE’S ANOTHER NEW THING, and that’s already happening a little here. (-i don’t think it was bad that it happened with nikolai at the end of ruin and rising -- that’s leighb addressing the consequences of something that she set up, and why i think king of scars was necesary.) -stories end. character arcs, as we know them, come to an end. if not, then they are just mined for content, usually angst and drama, and that’s especially not good writing. you risk stopping creating something that feels genuine.  -so yeah i think king of scars was necessary to talk about the aftereffects of nikolai’s demon and where ravka is going. but i don’t know if i think it was successful.  -what bothered me about king of scars, even with the parts i did like, was actually nikolai and zoya meeting elizabeta and juris and grigori -i don’t know if i just thought it was unexpected and i’d feel differently if i read it again?? but i never forget reading it last year and feeling just, weird about it, like it was too out of left field, idk  -i think the connection between saints = grisha is important. but again it’s all just, execution stuff 

-i don’t think she should’ve set up a whole new adventure in the last like four pages, if it’s supposed to also have the ability to be a contained end to the story  -i don’t think it make sense to tease a new story!! i don’t think it’s needed!! i think it should have just had a plain happy ending with zoya taking the crown and being with nikolai!! i don’t think that’s bad!!!!  -i know the big thing is that, the downfall of grisha is the desire for power, and that’s what got alina (at least she got better. like the one time where ‘character lost powers’ is okay) and especially the darkling, but zoya has come really far in these two books in how she sees other people and working on relying on them as people she loves and i liked her chapters the best and they were what hit me the hardest, and i know it’s going to be a worry for her but i don’t think the idea of her becoming the darkling is something that should be given that weight  -ESPECIALLY IF IT WAS ONLY FOR FOUR PAGES 

-so yeah i think the logical next book would be a place leighb hasn’t explored, like with six of crows.  -there’s a lot to do with the shu and the kerghud that she could do and as much as i love kaz and think another heist would be cool, a heist has already been done and i think it would be a wasted opportunity to do that without doing something new in the grishaverse 

-it honestly really made me want to reread six of crows because i missed the crows a lot  -and i think it says a lot that so many people liked the chapters with kaz and jesper and wylan so much in rule of wolves -that was why i caved and bought rule of wolves right away!!! because i wanted to see the boy!!!!!! but i did also care about nikolai and zoya.  -personally i do think six of crows are the best books in grishaverse. i think they’re the most tightly plotted and have the best characters and are the most CONTAINED and the most compelling (even if i can’t always follow kaz’s implied background machinations) (i can’t always keep track of all the politics either!!) (not that big of a deal for me, though.)  -that duology is close to perfect. i think everything wraps up almost completely neatly (although i will, actually, be wondering now, about how death is handled in a narrative, re: matthias, because when i was reading them i thought, well, someone has to die in crooked kingdom, but, why? but anyway), and i love that the ending of it all is 1) characters continuing to change, and showing they will continue to change 2) inej reuniting with her parents aaaaaaa  (-worth noting though that the epilogue of ruin and rising is indeed one of my favorite things as well, too.)

-i did still enjoy rule of wolves, though!!! a lot of little moments i really really liked, and nikolai and zoya were beautiful and delightful and i love them too, and i do kind of want to reread king of scars and this one again to see if my opinion has changed when i read them closer together but -i also do really just want to reread six of crows, again. 

[emjenenla]

If You’re Gone, Maybe It’s Time to Come Home Part Three [a SoC Fanfiction]

Part One | Part Two | Part Three | Part Four

Sorry for the outrageous amount of time this update took. College eats up all your time. Also, it turns out Kaz in this mental state is ridiculously hard to write in another character’s POV.

--

Part Three

(Inej)

(1)

The Van Eck mansion is full to the brim of members of the Dregs. The irony is thick because a year ago, such people would never have been allowed on the same street.

Inej threads her way through the drinking gang members. They’re laughing and sharing stories. They’ve all been told that the party is to celebrate the Dregs’ rise to prominence as the most powerful gang in Ketterdam; only the Crows and a few extremely trusted others know that the party is actually in honor of Inej’s successes hunting slavers.

Even though the building is full of people, it still feels empty to Inej. The only Crows there aside from her are Jesper and Wylan. Kaz hasn’t yet appeared, and Matthias’s death still weighs heavily on her, not to mention the fact that it has caused Nina to drop off the face of the world. Inej has no idea where her friend is and no one has heard from her in months.

Inej has tried everything to find Nina, even picking Kaz’s brain in their coded letters (if anyone knows where Nina is, it’s him). However, it’s been months since Kaz mentioned anything even semi-personal in his letters. They were always impersonal, but since her last visit to Ketterdam, he hasn’t bothered to do anything but send her lists of information. She’s starting to think he’s still sulking about the talking-to she gave him the last time they saw each other. That bothers her, because while Kaz is totally capable of holding a grudge for a couple months (after all, he managed to hold one on Pekka Rollins for years), he’s never stayed mad at her for this long before.

(2)

It’s at least ten bells when she finally admits that she’s worried. This isn’t like Kaz. She’d thought that he’d at least show his face, even if that was only because Jesper and Wylan or Anika and Keeg dragged him along.

She eventually seeks out Anika who is sitting at a table playing a good-natured card game with Pim, Keeg, Dirix and Roeder while Rotty and a couple other high-ranking Dregs look on. They all look up when Inej steps up.

“’Lo, Wraith,” Dirix says. “Welcome back. You staying for good this time?”

“Please don’t,” Roeder says with a good-natured smile to show he’s joking. “I like my job, and I don’t want you to steal it back.”

“No, I’m not staying,” Inej says. “Just stopping by for a visit. If you enjoy scrambling over every dirty, smelly crevasse of this city doing Kaz’s bidding, you’re more than welcome to it.” The instant the words come out of her mouth she feels guilty; she had never minded being Kaz’s spider, even when he was in a mood.

Still the Dregs laugh. They are all high enough in the ranks to have personally dealt with Kaz enough to know just how frustrating putting up with his opaque orders and unfathomable schemes could be.

When the laughter dies Inej moves on to the real reason she came over by them. “Where is Kaz by the way? I know he doesn’t like parties, but I haven’t seen him at all since I got back.”

The table goes silent. The Dregs look back and forth at each other like they’re trying to decide who should be the bearer of bad news. Inej’s stomach clenches with a familiar sense of apprehension, one that she’s been getting when she reads Kaz’s letters for months. It’s a subtle hint that something isn’t right, but she can’t for the life of her figure out what it is.

After a moment, Anika pushes back her chair and gives her cards to Rotty. “If you make me lose, I’ll end you,” she threatens, then stands up. “Come on, Ghafa,” she says in what Inej can only assume is her lieutenant’s voice. “Let’s have a chat.”

(3)

They step out into the hallway and Anika paces to the end to look out at the garden, arms crossed.

“Anika,” Inej ventures stepping up alongside her. “What’s wrong? Did something happen to Kaz?”

“I don’t know,” Anika says, slowly and precisely, like saying each word hurts.

“What do you mean?” Inej asks.

“He’s missing,” Anika says. “No one’s seen him in days.”

“What?” Inej can’t help it, she yells. “Why aren’t you looking for him?”

“We are!” Anika’s voice raises too. “But Ketterdam’s a big place and we don’t know where half his boltholes are. To be honest, he could still be holed up in his rooms in the Slat since no one actually saw him leave. No one answers when we knock, but the door’s locked, like, really locked.” She gives Inej a significant look.

Inej nods. Kaz has more locks on his door than any person should ever need, but he rarely uses all of them because several can only be locked and unlocked from the inside. He wouldn’t have gone through that much trouble if he was just going out. “Have you tried the windows?” she asks.

“Yeah,” Anika says. “We sent Mina up the morning after we lost track of him. The windows are all locked. To make matters worse, each one’s fitted with multiple Schuyler locks. Aside from Kaz there’s only a handful of people in the gang who can pick those, and none of them are capable of getting up on that roof without killing themselves.”

Inej bites her lip. She doesn’t know what to say. This doesn’t sound like Kaz at all. She tries to decide how likely it is that he just found an intriguing job and doesn’t like the odds. “Do you think he’s on a job?”

Anika growls low in the back of her throat, and Inej looks at her. “What?”

“You haven’t been around these past couple months, Ghafa,” Anika says. “Something’s not right with him. Hasn’t been in months, but it’s gotten worse since the last time you were here. I don’t know what kind of lover’s squabble the two of you had, but while you’ve been out there gallivanting around the ocean, we’ve been here dealing with him.”

Inej opens her mouth to protest that she’s doing a lot more than gallivanting, but stops herself because she’s not sure if Anika’s on the list of people who have been trusted with the true nature of her mission.

“Pim and I are basically running the Dregs,” Anika admits, calming down. “Brekker barely does anything anymore. I don’t think he’s realized we’ve noticed, though I’m not sure how that’s possible. He’s not very aware of anything. He spends a lot of time just staring blankly off into space. He’s not scheming, but I can’t figure out what he’s actually thinking about.”

Inej doesn’t know what to say. The idea of Kaz not pulling his own weight and leading the gang he bled for for so long is ludicrous. She can’t wrap her mind around it.

“So far, only the inner circle knows exactly how bad it is,” Anika says. She sounds exhausted. “That means me, Pim, Keeg, Dirix, Rotty, Roeder and Mina. We’re trying to keep it from going farther than that, but we’re running out of time. There are low-ranking members of the Dregs who are personally loyal to Kaz, but the majority of them are only loyal to the idea of him—of Dirtyhands, Bastard of the Barrel. When they figure out what’s going on…”

She doesn’t finish, but she doesn’t need to. Inej knows the Barrel well enough to know what Anika was going to say. If word gets out that Kaz is weak the very gang that has followed him so ravenously will turn on him just like they turned on Per Haskell. If that happens, Kaz will be lucky to escape with his life.

The thought is terrifying.

“What happened before he went missing?” Inej asks Anika, trying to push the conversation away from the horrible idea of Kaz’s possibly imminent fall.

Anika sighs. “You’d do best to ask Espen that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Hard to say,” Anika says. “All I know is that the night we lost track of the boss, he was supposed to go out to do some scouting with the spiders. He didn’t show up for hours. Roeder and Mina were just going to go without him, but Espen got angry and stalked upstairs. After a couple minutes he came down and said that-” she cuts herself off. “You know, you probably should talk to Espen about that, I’m not even sure I understand what went on.”

(5)

It takes Inej the better part of an hour to located Espen in the swirling mass of humanity in the Van Eck house. She’s just starting to wonder if he left without telling anyone when she runs into Mina. The young spider is more than happy to point her in Espen’s direction.

“I saw him over by the food,” she says. “Sulking probably; he hates parties.”

Inej threads through the crowd to the location specified. Espen is seated on a couch, crushed between the arm and a couple older members of the Dregs. He is clutching a plate of hors d'oeuvres and looks murderous, but he’s still there. If Kaz had been in his position, he’d have broken someone’s jaw and fled upstairs where there are less people by now.

Espen doesn’t notice her approach him, and Inej makes a mental note to tell Kaz to teach his spiders to be more observant. She waltzes up to Espen and snaps her fingers in front of his face.

He glares at her, overgrown mop of straw-colored hair falling into his angry blue eyes. Sometimes Inej looks at him and thinks that this must have been what Kaz had been like at age eleven, but other times she thinks that Kaz and Espen are only superficially alike. There is something almost theatrical about Espen’s anger, like he’s playing a part or seeking attention. She can’t imagine careful, calculating, brilliant Kaz ever acting like that.

“Wha’ do you want?” Espen asks in a low, gruff voice that might be a poor attempt at mimicking Kaz’s rasp.

“Just a chat,” Inej says and beckons with a finger. “Let’s go someplace quieter.”

(5)

She leads him into an upstairs parlor and locks the door behind them. He stands in the middle of the room, his arms crossed. “I’m waiting,” he says.

Inej rolls her eyes. “Drop the act. You’re not a hotshot. You’re just a kid.”

“I’m one of Kaz Brekker’s trusted spiders,” Espen says puffing his chest out. “I am one of the most important members of the Dregs.”

“Yes, and I’m the Wraith,” Inej says. “Do we really want to start throwing titles and accomplishments around?”

Espen visibly deflates. He either didn’t recognize her (which doesn’t make sense because she’s given him and the other spiders some tips during her visits in Ketterdam) or he was hoping she wouldn’t call him out on his bravado (much more likely). “What do you want?” he asks.

“Anika said that you and Kaz got in a fight a couple days ago,” Inej says.

“Yeah,” Espen says. “Happens all the time. Why does it matter?” There’s now something cagey about his body language. He’d rather not be talking about this.

“Why don’t you tell me about it,” Inej suggests, using the gentle, soothing voice she’s cultivated to put rescued slaves at ease.

She expects Espen to argue, but he grasps onto her offer to listen almost frantically. Whatever happened between him and Kaz has been weighing on his mind and he desperately wants to talk about it.

“I’m not a spider anymore,” he says.

That was not how she expected him to begin this conversation. “What do you mean?” she asks.

“I got fired,” Espen says, his voice is angry, but matter-of-fact in the way that only Barrel rats seem to be able to manage. As if bad things are something to be expected and taken when they come. “After the argument. Boss says he doesn’t want to see me ever again.”

That is odd. Inej has never known Kaz to tell someone he never wants to see them again. Loathe as she is to admit it, normally when he gets to that point he simply kills the person in question to ensure he doesn’t have to deal with them anymore. “What happened?” she asks slowly.

Espen shrugs, evasive anger back again. “I dunno. Brekker’s been really stupid lately.”

That sets off even more alarms in Inej’s head. She has never, ever heard the word “stupid” used in the same sentence as “Kaz Brekker.” “What do you mean?” she asks cautiously.

For a second Espen looks confused then nervous. “If Anika didn’t say anything, then maybe I shouldn’t-”

“Tell me,” Inej presses, shoving away the hurt at the idea that Anika might be keeping things from her. She and Anika aren’t exactly friends, but they’re not enemies either. Plus, Anika holds a position in the Dregs similar to the one that Kaz did when Haskell was general (albeit, with much less actual power). Of all the members of the Dregs, she’s the closest to Kaz and might be the only one who has a firm grasp on how serious Inej’s relationship with Kaz is. “Kaz is my friend,” she continues ignoring the voice that screams that she and Kaz are way past the “just friends” point. “If there’s something going on with him; I need to know about it.”

Espen sighs then relents and begins his story. Inej listens with growing shock as he relates his confrontation with Kaz. She recognizes the Kaz’s behavior because she has seen them in people she rescues from slavers. She has seen people who lash out at every perceived threat, who see such behavior as the only way to protect themselves from a world that has turned its back on them. She has just never applied them to Kaz.

“I don’t know what was wrong with him,” Espen finishes looking confused. “Is he sick?”

“He’ll be fine,” Inej says because she doesn’t feel like trying to explain trauma to a Barrel kid who has been raised in a community that refuses to acknowledge anything but strength. “Do you know where he went after your argument?”

Espen shrugs. “Dunno. I didn’t see him go anywhere.”

“Okay,” Inej says taking a deep breath in an effort to contain her thoughts. “Thank you.”

(6)

She approaches the Slat the way she always has; by the roofs. She isn’t sure that she truly believes Kaz will be there, but she isn’t sure where else to start so she decides to take her chances.

The window she always entered Kaz’s room through, the window she often sat in feeding the crows, is closed with a dark curtain pulled down behind it. It takes her upwards of twenty minutes to figure out how to pick the Schuyler locks, but when she finally does she pulls the window open, pushes aside the curtain and steps inside.

The room is dark and cluttered which is strange because for all his money Kaz owns very little and keeps what he does in impeccable order. Now there are clothes and weapons strewn across the floor. As Inej steps inside she accidently steps on a sheet of paper that is scrawled over on both sides in Kaz’s handwriting. A number of other sheets of paper are spread across the rest of the floor like someone threw them.

She’s just reaching the conclusion that someone must have broken into Kaz’s room and ransacked it when she realizes the room is not empty. There’s a teenage boy-sized lump in the bed and on closer investigation she realizes it’s Kaz.

She knows that Kaz sleeps on his side, curled into the fetal position with his back pressed up against the nearest wall, but she has never seen him take it quite this far. He’s curled up so tightly that he’s almost in a legitimate ball. She knows that’s bad for his leg; he’ll be lucky if he can stand let alone walk when he gets up. His coal gray blanket is pulled up so that only his hair is visible. He isn’t using a pillow and after a second she realizes that’s because he’s clutching it to his chest like it’s the only thing keeping him from drowning in a stormy ocean.

“Kaz?” she asks her voice nervous. “Kaz.” He doesn’t stir so she crosses the room trying to step around the papers incase they’re important. When she reaches his side, she kneels down next to him. “Kaz.” She says a little louder, reaching out and pulling the blanket away from his face, careful not to touch any skin. “Kaz, wake up.”

He shifts slightly, but doesn’t straighten or release his death grip on the pillow. One eye cracks open just slightly then closes again and he buries his face in the pillow.

“Kaz,” she repeats. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”

He moves again, just slightly and mutters something, but the words are rendered incomprehensible by the pillow.

“Kaz!” her voice is rising panic now, she grasps his blanket-covered shoulder and shakes him. “Look at me!”

(7)

As always, the physical contact gets a response from him. He bats her hands away with a motion that is a little more haphazard than it usually would be. His eyes open and he looks at her like he can’t decide if she’s actually there. “Inej?” he asks after a moment. “What are you doing here?”

“Looking for you,” Inej says. “Why aren’t you at Jesper and Wylan’s party?”

Kaz looks away. “I’m not going,” he says.

“Yes, I’d kind of figured that out,” she says perhaps a bit sharper than she intended to. She takes a deep breath and changes her tone before she goes on. “Are you still angry at me for the last time I was here?” he doesn’t say anything so she pushes onward. “Anika said you’ve been missing for a couple days. Are you okay?”

No answer.

“Kaz,” she presses. “Are you okay?”

Still no answer. He won’t even look at her.

“Kaz!” she shouts. He jumps which might have actually been funny under different circumstances. “Enough of this. Are You Okay?” She isn’t even sure why she’s continuing on this line of questioning when he pretty obviously not okay and she knows that if she does convince him to talk he’ll just lie. Perhaps she just wants the reassurance of knowing that he’s at least okay enough to lie to her.

If that’s what she wants she doesn’t get it, because Kaz says nothing. He just keeps looking away, eyes vacant and dead.

Just like their argument on the roof. She’d thought how silent he’d been then was wrong. They’ve argued before, but Kaz has never been quiet and listened. When Kaz is in an argument he lays into the other person with every ounce of cruel intelligence he possesses. Before that night, Inej had never won an argument with him. She should have known right away that something was wrong, but she’d been too angry and too high on her own victory to notice.

“Kaz,” Her voice softens, almost pleading. “What’s wrong?”

Finally he looks back at her, his eyes are still dead in a way that looks nothing like the Bastard of the Barrel. “Nothing,” he says. “I’m fine.”

Even though she was expecting this she can’t help but sigh. “Tell me the truth, Kaz.”

“I was sleeping,” Kaz says in a tone of voice that’s a little too flat for his defensive words. “Nothing more.”

“It’s ten thirty,” she points out.

He raises an eyebrow. “All kinds of people go to bed before that.”

“Not you,” Inej points out. It’s true; going to bed at midnight constitutes as early for Kaz Brekker. “Come on, Kaz.”

“I’m fine,” he says. “Leave me alone and let me sleep.”

Then he curls up on the bed again with his back facing her.

(8)

She can’t get him to start talking to her again, no matter how much she pleads. When she tries shaking him again he just shoves her off and pulls the blanket over his head.

Eventually she realizes that she’s unlikely to get any response from him. She’s going to be stuck waiting for the unlikely possibility that he’ll relent and tell her what’s wrong. She stands up. “I’m going to clean up this room a little,” she told him. “I’ll be right here if you decide you want to talk.”

Kaz doesn’t answer.

Inej sighs and sets to work on the mess Kaz has made. There’s an empty whiskey bottle lying on the floor and when she picks it up she realizes that it’s that super expensive whiskey she and Kaz stole once. Trust Kaz not to get drunk on something cheap.

She throws the bottle away, then turns to the papers spread out across the floor. After she picks up a couple she realizes they’re part of a letter. It takes her the better part of fifteen minutes to gather them all up and figure out what order they go in, but then her curiosity gets the better of her and she starts to read.

(9)

What she reads horrifies her.

If it wasn’t Kaz’s handwriting she would have thought someone else wrote it. The words don’t sound like Kaz Brekker. Kaz Brekker isn’t this open. He doesn’t talk like this. Kaz Brekker does not display this kind of abject self-hatred. Yet at the same time she knows that this horrible, untrue letter is Kaz and she knows that this is how he feels. This is what she abandoned him to without even realizing it.

She knew he had a lot armor, but she realizes now she may have given her understanding a bit too much credit. She had thought that she saw Kaz completely through the eyes of the almost eighteen year old woman she is now, but she realizes she was wrong. Somewhere inside of her a tiny portion of the fifteen year old girl she had been when Kaz rescued her from the Menagerie has been hanging on skewing her viewing of him. Back then she saw Kaz as something powerful and immortal, something strong enough to rise above the filth of Ketterdam, something that could make the monsters pay. That was what had drawn her to him in the beginning; the promise that perhaps, just perhaps he could make her something like that too.

Over the years that view of Kaz had started to die as she realized that Ketterdam took something from everyone, realized she did not need to be a monster. She’d also realized that Kaz was no demon, no immortal being, he was just a boy who had suffered trauma every bit as great as hers.

If Inej was honest with herself, Kaz had done more than just buy her indenture; he was why she wasn’t like some of the blank-eyed people she pulls out of slaver holds. From the instant she’d left the Mangerie, she’d never had the chance to sink into the blackness of her own despair because Kaz had always been there pushing her to move climb a little faster, hit a little harder, to be more than that girl who’d been sold in the brothels. He had saved her, even if he’d never intended to, even if he hadn’t even realized he was doing it. She had owed him the same, and she’d failed.

She sits on the floor and presses her forehead against her knees. She’d left Ketterdam thinking that she didn’t need Kaz anymore. That is at least kind of true; she no longer relies on him to determine her identity the she once did. She’s her own person with her own goals in her reach, but she’d forgotten to wonder whether Kaz needs her more than she needs him.

She turns to him. She doesn’t know what she’s going to say to him, but she knows that she needs to say something. “Kaz…” she whispers. He doesn’t respond, but his shoulders aren’t as tight as they were before so she thinks he’s fallen back to sleep.

She carefully pulls the blanket back around his shoulders so it’s no longer covering his face. Then she carefully steps towards the window. She isn’t sure what she needs to do to fix this and the only thing she can think of is that the only food Kaz keeps in his rooms is dry, gross stuff that doesn’t spoil. Food is like a bandage on a gaping wound, but it is something she can do right now.

Before she leaves she thinks about trying to find all Kaz’s knives and lock them up. She doesn’t know if Kaz will try to hurt himself, but she also knows that she’s unlikely to find all the knives he has hidden. She decides she’s better off just moving quickly and hoping to be back before he wakes up.

She takes one last look at his crumpled form and leaps out the window.

(10)

Her first stop is at the Van Eck mansion. She writes a note to Anika saying that she’s found Kaz, and one to Jesper and Wylan saying that something has come up and that she’ll make it up to them later. She doesn’t mention anything about the kind of shape Kaz is in. She’s not going to tell anyone about what’s going on without his blessing.

She gives the letters to one of the servants then sneaks into the kitchens. She makes off with some meat and vegetables because it will be easier than finding a shop to break into. She’ll pay Jesper and Wylan back later.

After leaving the mansion she stops by the Wraith to grab a few things. This only takes a few minutes and the crewmember on watch doesn’t even notice that she’s there. She makes a mental note to give her crew a talking to about how to be on guard duty, but right now she has bigger problems.

As she heads back to the Slat she passes by the small toy shop where she got the stuffed crow she gave to Alby Rollins before she left Ketterdam. She picks the simple lock on the backdoor and lets herself in. The shop is just as small and quaint as it was the last time she was here. She remembers belatedly that she’d promised the owner she’d convince Kaz to put this shop under Dregs protection in exchange for making the crow toy in a matter of hours. She’d forgotten in the whirlwind of preparations for her voyage. She renews that promise to herself as she looks at the wares spread out around the dark shop. She should not get in the habit of breaking her promises.

She wanders through the store looking at all the cute, fluffy stuffed toys. She isn’t exactly sure why she came here, but she feels like she needs to be here.

Eventually she stops before a rack of stuffed bears. She had a bear toy as a child. She remembers hugging it to her chest and feeling safe. She wonders briefly what happened to it when she got too old to want it anymore. Suddenly she hopes her parents didn’t get rid of it. She would like to see it again.

As she runs her fingers along the shelves of stuffed bears she wonders if Kaz ever had a toy like this. She has spent a lot of time recently trying to figure out exactly where Kaz came from. She knows that at some point in his life someone must have cared for him--he would have died as an infant if he’d been completely abandoned from the moment he was born--but she hasn’t been able to figure out who. She knows Kaz had a brother, but she doesn’t even know what his name was let alone how much older he was. Perhaps this older brother raised Kaz in the Barrel and then ran afoul of Pekka Rollins.

The only person who could answer her questions is Kaz and he’s so close-lipped about himself that it’s honestly a miracle he admitted he even had a brother. She wishes she could convince him to talk to her. She wants to help him, and talking always helps.

She shakes herself. She’s not helping Kaz by sitting in a toy shop and leaving him all alone. She starts to leave, then pauses and turns back to the rack of bears. She suddenly becomes aware of the idea that has been forming in her mind the entire time she’s been in this shop. She’s fully aware it might be a terrible idea and that he might refuse it at best and assume she’s mocking him at worst, but she feels like it’s something she needs to do.

She chooses to a medium-sized bear with a soft, cuddly body; silky, caramel-colored fur and a sweet, reassuring face that doesn’t have any uncomfortable wires in it. She sets the tag on the shop counter along with twice the kruge the owner is charging and slides the bear into a bag she took from Jesper and Wylan’s.

She leaves the shop, locking the door carefully behind her. Then she takes a deep breath, collects herself and takes to the rooftops for the journey back to the Slat.

--

That teddy bear is probably the one concession to fluff you’ll get out of me. I read a headcanon post on Tumblr once where Inej wins a stuffed animal in a throwing contest and gives it to Kaz, and ever since I’ve been sort of obsessed with the idea.

One more part left. Hopefully it will get out soon, but I’ll make no promises.

Thank you for reading!

Emjen