#and jaheira shows her that she will be

[pentacass]

[moghedien]

It’s so funny that Jaheira straight up admits that she knew Isobel is Ketheric’s daughter the whole time while Isobel clearly doesn’t realize she knows. Because it 100% makes sense for Jaheira to know if she was around and fought Ketheric when he was Sharran and she says she went into the Thorm family mausoleum herself back when Isobel would still dead and buried in it.

And like right when you’re having trouble with undead and Shadow Curses and Ketheric again, a random half elf cleric of Selune named “Isobel” who refuses to give a last name comes to help and spends all her free time yelling at a bust of Ketheric and also just doesn’t know anything that happened in the last 100 years and won’t say where she came from, you might suspect something is going on there. It’s like so funny that Isobel would probably have heard of Jaheira’s history and still be like “no one suspects my secret…”

like she’s so bad at being discrete, you probably coulda guessed without knowing Ketheric had a daughter or being around 100 years ago and Isobel would never know everyone knew. Jaheira probably casually called her “Isobel Thorm” once or twice just to see if she would notice or react and Isobel never fucking did other than to be like “oh you need something, Jaheira?”

[blackjackkent]

Rakha follows Jaheira quietly into the house and is even more surprised to find quite a motley collection of people waiting for them. Two small children, both seemingly human, one of whom is the girl with the wooden sword from the porch. A half-elf about Shadowheart's age. And - most startlingly - a young man with bright pink hair who appears to be like Rakha herself, a half-orc.

All of them round abruptly to stare as Jaheira comes to a halt next to the dining room table.

"Oh, Malar's mark, here we go," Jaheira mumbles ruefully.

The half-elf clicks her tongue sardonically, raising an eyebrow. "Are we quite sure she hasn't actually died this time, brother?" she asks the half-orc. "She looks dead."

The half-orc laughs. His attitude is overall more relaxed than the elf's, although he's watching Jaheira very carefully. "Smells it too," he says lightly, pulling a dramatic face that makes one of the little ones laugh.

Jaheira rolls her eyes. "It has been a hard road!" she says, waving a hand in mock-dismissal. "But I can clip you both around the ear to prove I am no ghost, if it would help?"

The half-elf looks as if, at some other moment, she might want to laugh - but it can't quite get past the tension strained tight in her like a length of pulled rope. "Forgive us, mother," she shoots back sardonically. "We're just surprised you still know how to find your way home."

Rakha's eyes narrow in puzzlement. Mother? Jaheira has never mentioned having children. (In the utter blankness of her mind and memory, she has very little understanding of (among other things) genetics, and in this moment, it doesn't entirely occur to her that it's very unlikely that Jaheira could be a mother by blood to all these children at once. But she knows enough to know that it's surprising that they have never come up.)

Cast a glance at Minsc.

Uncertainly she looks sideways at the berserker next to her, a question in her eyes.

Minsc just shrugs. "Some battles, even Boo is not brave enough to fight," he whispers.

"Rion--" Jaheira starts to say, but is cut off by the young half-elf, who has the sudden air of a restrained flood whose dam has suddenly cracked apart.

"A Sending spell can carry twenty-five words," she snaps, looking past Jaheira's shoulder to meet Rakha's eyes. "Do you know how many Jaheira's only message contained, in all that time she's been away?" Her jaw works. "Seven."

Rakha begins to understand why Boo feels ill-equipped for this conversation. "...What did she say?" she asks carefully, feeling as if she is edging around an explosive sigil in danger of going off.

"The message said - 'I'm sorry. You know what to do,'" Rion growls.

"So why haven't you done it?" Jaheira cries. She is clearly trying for the 'leadership' tone Rakha has heard her take with the Harpers, but there's a catch underneath her voice. "You were supposed to get the young ones out of the city!"

"And you were supposed to be dead!" Rion fires back at once. "That's what your oh-so-stoic message meant, yes?" Silence. Her shoulders sag and she rubs her fingertips at the bridge of her nose. "Yet here you are," she goes on more quietly. "So... what happened out there."

Jaheira relaxes just slightly. "I got my skin saved by this one," she says, gesturing at Rakha. "We've come to take the fight to the cult - which is exactly why you all cannot be here!"

Rion tilts her head - and then grins slowly and deliberately, folding her arms. "Why?" she asks innocently. "You plan on winning, don't you?" She glances at Rakha again. "You're the one who saved her, so tell me - are we all doomed?"

Rakha has absolutely never had a conversation even remotely like this before. There are obviously undercurrents to it that she does not understand, but even the surface facts that she can parse are complex enough. These are Jaheira's children. Jaheira disappeared to the Shadowlands without warning and only communicated when she thought she was about to die. They were supposed to leave the city and hide while the cult rolled through, but they disobeyed.

Are we all doomed?

A good question, really. It twinges with the worm in her skull and the beast in her brain, both of whom would like to see the world driven before them in a haze of fire and blood. For Rakha herself... the question is more challenging.

"The cult is powerful," she admits slowly. "It's... not going to be an easy fight."

Rion looks at her for a moment, and then smirks, a fire flashing through her eyes that looks very much like the expression Rakha has seen on Jaheira's face in the moment before battle. "So fight," she says dryly. "That's what all you heroes and Harpers are for, isn't it?"

Jaheira sighs. A smile seems to be tugging at the corner of her lip, battling with an air of exasperation. "You are a very irritating girl."

Again that click of the tongue from Rion, and a sharp shake of the head. "Ah-ah!" She's visibly relaxing, but her eyes are still serious, a little guarded. "This isn't your house, remember? You'll keep a civil tongue under our roof - if we let you stay at all."

The half-orc laughs. "Have mercy, sister," he says lightly. "She's old, after all."

"*So* old," agrees one of the little ones.

"She can stay," pronounces the other - the one with the wooden sword, Fig. "But only if she brought home presents."

Rion chuckles, ruffling Fig's hair gently. "Seems I'm out-voted," she says, raising an eyebrow at Jaheira. "See, mother? That is how you go about talking things through with your family." She draws a breath, lets it out heavily, and casts an eye over them all, and the mud and doppelganger blood splattered across them all.

"Now if there's more to discuss... then bloody well come in. And wipe your boots."

[regalpotato]

AIYLA TAV ☆ BARD ☆ ROGUE ☆ DARK URGE

[aliceofclover125]

On the topic of more interactions I'd want from BG3: revisiting Gale's comment about transactional relationships with the gods

I play a tempest cleric, and the dialogue option I chose was that not all of us have such a transactional relationship with our gods—to which he replies that there still has to be SOMETHING u want in return for your faith

Playing Durge brings that interaction into a whole different light, bc that's what Durge is stuck in with Bhaal. But in every single situation of transactional relationships, whether with a god or not, the person giving has too much taken. They're used and discarded when they're no longer of use. Gale and Mystra. Astarion and Cazador. Shadowheart and Shar. Lae'zel and Vlaalkith. Wyll and Mizora. Karlach and Gortash. Orin and Bhaal. Durge and Bhaal. Durge and the Emperor. All of them are nothing but transactions that benefit one and not the other—and our protagonists are absolutely fucked over by it

And then, by contrast, u have relationships where nothing is expected, and these characters thrive. Shadowheart and Selûne. My cleric Durge and their goddess Mielikki. Astarion and Durge. Lae'zel and Durge. There's a freedom gained and a space for healing when a relationship exists out of a selfless desire to simply help someone. To just be friends

It's such a GREAT contrast and I wish we could revisit that and have Gale realize it too

[maegalkarven]

I love how they both look at Mol like "You mind? We were planning to fight each other to death."

[its-sixxers]

can’t justify buying bg3 right now but i CAN justify buying the first and second game for eight bucks on GOG

been playing the first and isometric crpgs my beloved

makes me wanna bust out nwn 1&2 again

i did forget how annoying mage/wizard is at low level but the nuke power in late game is worth it

[perilegs]

imagining my girl ati mahariel in bg3 and by god she would get along with karlach. alarmingly so. they would absolutely annihilate something <3

[nethereasypeasy]

Some fluffy head canons I have about the Baldurs Babes

mainly at camp :)

Gale stops tav to lace their boots, sarcastically tutting as he does it.

Karlach holds her hands round someones bowl and cups to warm them if they cool down too much. (Mama K microwave™)

Jaheira and Halsin share nightcaps and chat about the tadpole team. Mainly laughing at their comparative lack of experience - always ends on a 'they're good eggs tho' vibe.

Astarion and Shadowheart rate people's hair to eachother as an injoke, tav hears them mumbling numbers behind them whenever they speak to someone.

Lae'zel asks Gale to explain and pronounce things when no one is around because the 'annoying wizard' won't make fun, he's too eager to teach.

Jaheira has the best bedtime stories but they get Karlach hyped up and she asks a lot of questions till Astarion begs her to be quiet. Wyll takes mental notes for his own storytelling.

Karlach will force a game of 'I Spy' any time there is silence on the road.

Wyll is very good at little random gifts, he just remembers anything someone mentions to him. He's also low-key emotional if you return that kindness, 'you remembered?! 😭'

Halsin stops, kneels and whispers as he points and shows tav interesting plants or animals he spots when walking. 'look there's the mother and her babies' type shit. (He is camp dad(dy) ok)

Wyll teaches Lae'zel fencing. She's too keen though and tries to pin him down. She is not as graceful... But she has fun... chk!

Gale keeps a tiny portrait of Tara on him, you can't tell me modern au Gale's phone wouldn't be full of cat pics.

Astarion watches over the camp at night, he acts like he 'might as well/ I'm the only one lurking in the dark around HERE darlings' but sometimes he secretly gets a little teary looking at his first real friends all together.

Shadowheart writes moody poetry. She would tell Gale but she doesn't care for his taste... Or his possible critiques. If he ever did find her journal though he would be VERY enthused.

Astarion and tav will play with people's wardrobes when looting. Tav loves a funny hat and Astarion will do impressions of who he thinks would wear such god's awful attire.

Gale and Wyll play chess together after dinner some nights. They both say progressively cheesy lines when they take pieces, which is its own game itself at this point.

Halsin would quietly sing or hum to owlbear baby and scratch at night. Little lullabies and he'd probably tuck them in too. OR he'd be big daddy bear and snuggle up, especially when owlbear is scared and misses his mum.

The gang have played 'never have I ever' ONE time and ONE time only. It was a messy night.

... Jaheira was 100% last man standing.

[an-excellent-choice]

Headcanon where Gale is the famous professor in the academy for being one of the few professors who actually had a great perilous adventure but none of the students (and some staff too) believe it really happened.

Like they file it away as one of those things where he probably just saw it at the sidelines not really like thick in battle since he has the orb to worry about.

Until finally one day Gale holds a special series of seminars/demonstrations for in the field spellcasting for fights or crisis. He invited all the party members he could in these seminars

Suddenly a former shar worhipper, gith, vampire, devil, is that the blade of frontiers(?), the legendary jaheira and the hero of baldurs gate just are there to help the demo/seminar.

A nighttime demo for Astarion, A lesson on how to cast light spells and be alert for rogues. Not to mention how to maintain concentration when you get shot by an arrow, Gale will say as Astarion shoots an arrow at him. ( at some point an arrow does sink in Gale's shoulder and the whole class freezes but Gale just tuts disapprovingly while Astarion just acts innocently like he doesnt have a longbow in his hand)

Karlach makes a demo on how to distinguish devils and how to kill them. She and Gale also show how to deal with a raging barbarian in a fight as a wizard, Hint human shields i mean tanks companions are important.

Wyll is charming the socks of the audience and shows self-defense tactics when an enemy too close. Oh yes he used to be a warlock but his patron was a devil so he had to cut ties with her

Shadowheart talks about healing spells and being aware of the your companions healths. She especially emphasizes the importance of being able to self heal in emergencies especially for wizards while giving pointed looks at Gale while Gale awkwardly(or guiltily?) shuffles and clears his throat

Laezel talks about the battlefield positions and best placement of wizards in the field to help the strongest soldiers and she also shows which of the body parts they should aim their spells. (I like imagining Laezel having her baby strapped on her while doing her demo or using her baby to show which body parts)

And after a while the students realize with how Gale seamlessly shows or helps in the demos that omg maybe professor Dekarios did help save the baldurs gate

[syn0vial]

BG3 Companions' Reactions Following Scratch's Permadeath

The following lines are triggered when a character throws Scratch's ball after he's been permakilled (AKA, killed at camp rather than just as a summon).

Astarion

Good riddance to the dog. Who'd miss that waggy little tail... (devnote: Pretending not to be sad and failing)

Does it have a sad squeak now? Is that even possible?

I suppose I'll just pick it up myself.

Can't believe the stupid dog isn't here to get the stupid ball. (devnote: Pretending not to be sad and failing)

Gale

You were an excellent friend, Scratch - and that's coming from a cat-lover.

I hope there's balls and bones galore, wherever you are...

Poor Scratch. I'm lucky to have met you.

I hope Scratch doesn't miss his ball, wherever he is...

Karlach

I miss my dog.

Here, pup. (devnote: Sadly. The dog is dead and she knows this.)

Why am I doing this to myself?

Scratch should be here. With his family.

Lae'zel

It's not much fun alone.

I really don't know what I thought would happen.

Solo fetch. A miserable pastime.

Can't believe I'm going to say this, but - I miss Scratch.

Shadowheart

I need to stop doing this to myself...

I didn't do this enough, when I had the chance.

I hope Scratch has a new ball to play with, wherever he is...

It's silly... part of me felt like Scratch might still show up for his ball.

Wyll

Fetch isn't much of a solo game.

Damn. I miss the furry fellow.

For old times' sake.

I miss you, Scratch.

Halsin

I hope you are happy, wherever you are.

I am sorry, Scratch

I torment myself - Scratch is not going to come

Poor Scratch. I hope he is at peace.

Jaheira

Enough. This isn't helping anyone.

You deserved better, boy

Gods, but you'd miss the fuss. The noise. Gods above, even the smell.

Pointless, without a pup to chase it.

Minsc

Scratch, come and... oh. How could I forget he was gone, Boo?

No game of fetch will bring Scratch back from death.

I know he is gone, Boo, but... perhaps this is a way of keeping him alive, no?

I miss him, Boo.

Minthara

Everyone assumes I killed the dog. I liked the dog. (devnote: talking to herself. Comic edge to this.)

Scratch reminded me of my first displacer beast. A noble creature.

Withers! Be a good skeleton and fetch that ball. (devnote: joking—doesn't actually expect Withers to fetch the ball she just threw)

Gah. I miss the damn dog. (devnote: surprised by her own feelings)

[meanbossart]

Woah, woah, woah! DU Drow finds Jaheira *hot*? Do tell! Does DU Drow have a particular type when it comes to men and women?

Well, let us take inventory of the characters DU drow finds show-stoppingly attractive, shall we!

(Isobel doesn't make this list by a hair. She looks a little too grungy and he finds her attitude off-putting.)

Pretty much every other companion of note - Gale, Halsin, Karlach, etc - doesn't even register in his radar. I'm sure a couple more NPCs could fit the bill too (shouts out to the crazy Umberlee lady who could absolutely get it)

He likes the same things regardless of gender: People who are already naturally attractive, and, despite clearly putting thought and effort into their presentation, do not overuse cosmetics or flashy fashion. Bonus points if whatever it is you're doing is a little unique to you without going over the arbitrary line he's set for something becoming "too much". He also exclusively likes people who lean sightly more feminine in both presentation and behavior.

Naturally, DU drow thinks his standards are incredibly reasonable; I would say they're a little high. But In his defense, personality does ultimately come first: being overly sensitive, overly serious, snobby, and especially lacking a sense of humor or a willingness to get your hands dirty will put him off even the prettiest, pointiest, blondest of damsels.

[moghedien]

The sad thing is that not only can’t Jaheira be our sugar mommy in BG3, she’s literally mooching off of us the whole of act 3. She lets you pay for her bed in the inn when she has a house like a block away. She lets you buy all her gear when she has fancy shit hidden in her basement that she could be using. You know she has money because she has a nice house that she can’t stop putting kids in, but Rion probably changed the bank account info while she was running off being a dead beat mom and Jaheira doesn’t care at all. She could never be our sugar mommy because she’d rather be our dead beat dad that shows up once a year to borrow $100 and try to get you into a pyramid scheme and unfortunately that just makes her more attractive

[blackjackkent]

Jaheira is Not a Deadbeat

I am, as always, deeply in love with the kids' ambient dialogue while waiting for Jaheira to come inside. And it's time for me to have Opinions.

FIG: I saw her! I swear! RION: Are you sure? Maybe it was just a laborer holding a shaggy grey mop! FIG: Be serious, Rion! Who puts braids on a mop?

FIG: She'll be here any second. Maybe she's sneaking! RION: Doubtful. We'd hear her knees cracking.

And of course my favorite:

RION: Enough, Fig. There's no point getting your hopes up. She'll be back when she's back. FIG: You don't think she will! RION: I know she will. But we'll wait a little longer, if you like.

😭😭😭😭

Rion absolutely knew perfectly well what she was supposed to do from Jaheira's instructions. She just didn't want to. She's been hanging on to the desperate belief that Jaheira was going to walk through the door and make it unnecessary - and, as it turned out, she was right.

OK, fuck it, I'm doing a post about this now. :P

Despite what the Tumblr BG3 fandom would have you believe, Jaheira is not a "deadbeat mom." Is she a parent with emotional constipation issues and way too much time at work? Sure. But so are plenty of other parents on both Toril and Earth. It's SUPER clear from the way all the kids (including Rion) talk to and about her that they LOVE her and she has been an enduring presence in their lives, and that her recent disappearance was both unusual and devastating. 

There are books she reads the kids up in the bedroom! Fig is so excited to announce she's back, indicating that the absence is not a normal occurrence! Jhessem has convinced herself they share a bloodline! Jord got to go to the market with her as a boy! These are not the circumstances of children who do not give a shit about their parent or vice versa!

The devnotes about Jord’s conversation in particular do not show a picture of a man with ill-will towards a mother who felt it customary to abandon him:

JORD: I tended to it. I just let it... thrive in its own independence. You know, same way you raised us. (Devnote: Well meant potshot at his mother, no malice in it) JAHEIRA: I raised you to be a sweet and kind boy. What happened? JORD: I watched what you did instead of listening to what you said. (Devnote: Amused, gently mocking his mother) JORD: This house has taken in a lot of children over the years. Mother dear was sometimes more commander than, well... mother dear. (Devnote: Smiling, explaining why he and Jaheira trade barbs. No criticism, just understated affection)

It is, perhaps, worth noting at this point as well that Jord - and Rion, and Fig, and even Jhessem - speak with that teasing, mocking tone towards Jaheira… but so does she - towards the people she cares most about, including you as the player. The kids are acting as they have learned, and words like this can and should easily be read as gestures of affection. And they clearly trust Jaheira enough to bring this playful rudeness to the fore without fear of it being misconstrued or turning into hostility.

And if they are like Jaheira in this way, they’re also not going to be comfortable showing the real depth of their feelings in front of you, the player character - who is fundamentally a stranger who has just walked into their house. Why would they? Jaheira clearly doesn’t; indeed, even her more serious conversation with Rion only takes place outside where even the other children aren’t listening. 

Perhaps most significantly, I truly don’t understand how anyone can interact with Tate for even a moment and think that Jaheira does not have a deep, if often unspoken, bond with the kids she raises:

JAHEIRA: I hope you were hibernating, little cub, I can’t think of another reason you wouldn’t come down to say hello. TATE: Jaheira! I d-didn’t… didn’t w-want to see if you were r-really dead. They said… JAHEIRA: Who said? TATE: Jord and Rion. They didn’t think I c-could hear… JAHEIRA: You little sneak-thief. Well, they were wrong. Look! Not dead! I just… had a few adventures.

She is so soft and gentle with him in a way that she is with no one else, a way that indicates that she knows him and how his personality is different from the others. And he in turn has clearly been utterly devastated by the idea that she might be gone.

Take, as well, the evidence provided by Minsc when he is present in these conversations! There’s plenty of evidence to indicate the degree to which Minsc is guided by Jaheira’s behavior - to the degree that a doppelganger wearing her face was the key ingredient to binding him temporarily into the Cult of the Absolute. And Minsc - far more comfortable with emotion than Jaheira, at least in some ways - is clearly very affectionate with the kids as well:

FIG: STAND ON YOUR LIVER! MINSC: It is stand and *deliver*, little Fig. Though I think I like yours better. You bellow like a true berserker!

JHESSEM: A fine day to you, saer. Are you known to this court PLAYER: Eh? JHESSEM: Ugh - play along, would you? MINSC: Lord Boo is most pleased to make your acquaintance, my lady! Word of your grace has spread far and wide among the hamster houses. (Devnote: Swooping in to preserve the child's make-believe after the player ruined it.) JHESSEM: Enchanted!

MINSC: Boo is also very well! And happy to see *you*, Rion. RION: And I him. Enough that I’ll let him keep his lumbering, sweaty steed inside.

Would Minsc have taken it upon himself to have such a comfortable relationship with these children if Jaheira did not? I doubt it. He’d be friendly, certainly, but this familiarity goes a great deal beyond that.

And as for Rion herself - it's definitely reasonable to assume that she's had a strained relationship with Jaheira as she's grown older. (I have a lot of headcanons about this for my specific worldstate canon, but even just sticking to the game canon, it definitely seems like that's the case.) But leaving aside that - can you blame her for being upset at this particular moment?

As far as Rion knows, her mom was recently emotionally devastated for an indeterminate reason. (Minsc's apparent death. None of the kids are surprised to see him arrive, so clearly none of them knew he was supposed to be dead - but also there's no way that Jaheira didn't look afterwards like someone hollowed her out from the inside.) Then, without further explanation, she disappeared for what appears to have been several months (again, clearly not standard procedure), and after weeks of no contact, sends a seven-word message indicating she is about to die.

How exactly is Rion supposed to feel at this moment? This is an incredibly emotionally fraught circumstance, and if it's precisely representative of her overall relationship with Jaheira I will eat my hat.

Also - much is made by the game, by Rion, and by the fandom about that seven-word message, but if you try to chastise Jaheira about it, she gives further context:

PLAYER: Only seven? That’s cold, Jaheira. JAHEIRA: The cleric who cast the Sending was wounded. Should I have sobbed on her shoulder?

Jaheira was caught in a no-win situation. Trapped in the Shadowlands, a terrifying ordeal all by itself, with a gaggle of Harpers she had to protect, many of whom had apparently been injured by their encounter with Ketheric Thorm. If the only cleric she had access to was wounded, this was before they reached Last Light and met Isobel. 

Jaheira had ZERO reason to hope at this point - but she also still felt her own inescapable responsibility towards the people under her command. To send a longer and more emotional message would have been to put strain on her injured comrade and also risk making it very clear that she felt the situation was hopeless. The Harpers very well might have broken and scattered, condemning themselves - and, frankly, many others, given their crucial contributions to the final Act 2 fight - to death.

And then she lives, against all her own expectations, and returns to the city. And her dialogue reflects her conflict over this fact as well: 

JAHEIRA: I have given you much reason to think that Harpers hoard secrets like precious stones. But I promise you, this was not some intrigue. Just, ah��� plain and simple foolishness. As if by keeping clear of my family, I might keep them clear of the cult in turn. And if this fight were to go against us, well… they had already done their mourning. Why visit it on them twice?

She then goes on to discuss the city and her place in it - and relates it directly back to her kids as well.

JAHEIRA: I was wrong to think I could keep my children from this fight. They’re Baldurian born and bred - the only damned reason I root myself in this place. This city is a cesspit. An open sewer of the soul, that taints us with its filth and churns us out when all that is good has been stripped away. It also happens to be their home - and so it is mine. Ugh. That might be the first time I have said that out loud.

If Jaheira wanted to disappear and leave her kids to handle themselves, she would have done it a long time ago. It wouldn’t be hard; she is fully capable of vanishing into the wilderness never to be seen again - and in truth, there’s every reason to believe she would be considerably happier to do so… except that it would mean leaving her children behind. They “root” her in Baldur’s Gate despite all of her previous inclinations and everything that comes naturally to her, and everything she does is guided ultimately by the need to protect the city because it is their home.

And that, my friends, is love, a love that she shows even if she does not know how to voice it.

TLDR: Jaheira's absence in the Shadowlands was definitely not a normal occurrence, and her kids clearly love her deeply and were devastated by her apparent disappearance. That she is a woman who keeps herself far too busy with work and has no idea how to express her own strong feelings does not, has not, and never will make her a "deadbeat."

[a03heralding]

Bg3 blunt rotation headcanons:

Karlach: does not stop fucking laughing. She’s def wheezing at a joke she overheard in a lesbian bar three and a half years ago while in the middle of a sentence. The type who starts a story and ends up laughing so hard she can’t finish it.

Halsin: mellow as hell, is always encouraging the group to go for a nice walk somewhere while stoned to shit. Will he pass out or will he be caressing the flowers in his backyard? No one knows.

Shadowheart: Sis is asleep after a joint or a few hits from the bong. Is likely sleeping on Lae’zel’s shoulder with a blanket around her. We love her for that tho bc she looks so cute.

Jaheira: she is forreal trying to tell you that we’re all living in someone’s sims save or how aliens made the pyramids. Also always pulls up to the session at the most random times.

Lae’zel: when she does smoke she usually ends up tripping the fuck out and is staring at the wall like a dog that’s accidentally eaten an edible. Doesn’t partake anymore but will come and chill and act as Shart’s personal resting post.

Astarion: the one who is chatting the most shit, probably has the joint in a cigarette holder like curella de’vil. The main source of Karlach’s laughter. Is also constantly asking for Nicki Minaj songs to be added to the Spotify queue.

Wyll: straight up vibes, is probably hogging the snacks to himself tho but he’s busting jokes and laughing with Karlach about stupid shit

Gale: the person in charge of the playlist and the only one who can actually roll. He is very particular about the music bc he believes it sets the mood for the high. Is constantly denying Astarion’s request to play Chun li but puts on random shit like khazakstani jazz

Minthara: enabling Astarion’s shit talking and spilling the piping hot tea. The least faded out of all of them (except lae). Has a screenshot folder that she shows astarion so they can be shady.

Aylin: she’s productive when she’s stoned, is likely cooking something or has gone for a jog/ doing a task while wearing her socks/ Birkenstock combo

Isobel: the mom friend who is making sure everyone is drinking water and is getting fresh air while fried.

Withers: the za dealer. You have to go to his house and he only sells a min of 6gs at a time. Usually chilling and trying to hide his weed plants from the cops bc his neighbours are snitches ngl

Minsc and boo (sry I be forgetting): Brings his hamster to the function bc he doesn't want him to be lonely and believes that his best bud deserves a toke as well. Boo is a literal fucking menace and bites those who object to giving him any. There is literally always an argument bc of this but Minsc is ready to fight for his child.

[thisaccountisagainstmywill]

BG3 Characters Safest Driver Headcanons

I've been thinking about that poll from months ago way too much, so I've pulled this from my drafts. In this essay, I will explain why Boo is the best driver. Astarion: Terrible. Absolutely terrible driver. He is doing his makeup with the visor down, looking at the mirror more than the road. Suspend your disbelief, he's driving in this universe. He can use mirrors. ♥ You have to grab the steering wheel, regularly. Without warning, the man twists around to find his purse in the back seat because he wants a different eyeliner than what he grabbed. You are on aux duty. He hates everything you've picked. 2/10, he lawyered his way into that license Gale: You would think he would be safe, but then you remember that Gale didn't pay attention in boring classes. And how hard could driving really be?? The man knows how to drive perfectly textbook. He also thinks he knows how to do it better than everyone else. He does not adapt well to poor drivers. The roads are full of poor drivers. He is yeling "Zipper!" at the merging traffic. You spend five minutes in the parking lot so he can find just the right song for the trip.

6/10, you will probably not die Halsin: The man drives slow, I'm sorry. He's fuel efficient as you can get with the windows down. He pulls over and stops traffic for ducks crossing the road, no matter what the current road conditions are. He stops to show you the new tree the neighbor got. He is a Yellowstone Park tourist. He wants to show you the world, one traffic-stopping mid-road parking job at a time. There is no music, we are listening to nature today. 4/10, you will be rear-ended with him and not the way most people want Jaheira: I stand by what I said last time: Jaheira reminds me of so many older women I know. She drives like she wants someone to start shit with her. She's so conditioned by having 5 kids fighting in the backseat at all times that every time she's behind the wheel she's having Vietnam-level flashbacks. Her blood is pumping in her ears. There is no road, there is only the red of her vision. She won't start the road rage incident directly, but by god, she will end it. (You tried to ask about music, but the look she gave you when asked killed the question.) 5/10, you make it to your destination intact. But at what cost? Your pants are a different color at the end of the trip than they were at the beginning. Karlach: Karlach is talking with her hands while she drives. She's fiddling with the radio constantly. You've blown four red lights. Three of them were the same red light because she took a wrong turn. She will not use GPS, she's got the vibe of where she's going. She was trying to show you something on her phone at the same time. It cannot wait. It was so good you have to see it right now. The tunes are so loud she hasn't heard the sirens behind her. 4/10, the tunes almost make up for it Lae'zel: You are helping her check her mirror distance before you get in the car. You are buckled in before the car even starts. You are not allowed to touch the light in the car if it is dark out. She was taught that it's illegal to have on at night and she takes that shit seriously. You are on blindspot-watching duty at all times. You're not allowed to have music on the in car, it is a distraction. 7/10, we are efficient, but we are miserable Minsc: Minsc cannot drive. Minsc was meant to drive today, but Minsc got into the wrong seat. We are all relieved. Jaheira trained him wrong on purpose and will kill you if you correct him. 0/10, don't even try. He will survive the accident, you will not. Minthara: Minthara, light of my life. She is gremlin cackling and riding bumpers the whole time. People are pulling off constantly to get away from her. You are white-knuckling in the passenger seat and are too afraid to let go of the bitch-bar. You pray her airbags are up to date because your life has not stopped flashing before your eyes since you got onto the road. We are exclusively listening to The Flight of the Valkyries. 7/10, it is shockingly efficient when no one else is on the road anymore

Shadowheart: I have been in many a 'Shadowhearts' car. The car is more of a problem than she is. She drives the type of car that makes people go, "You live like this?" She drives a manual. She was not trained to drive a manual. Almost every single dash light is on, the ones that aren't had their bulbs die out years ago. We don't know how old that trash is, but it lives here now. She has one of those cassette players that has to hook into your phone to come out the speakers. Good luck finding the right adaptor in the mess. 4/10, girl get your shit together Wyll: Wyll is the best driver, hands down...when he is alone. Like all things in his life, his greatest flaw is being too polite. He turns his whole fucking head to look at you when you talk because that is the polite thing to do. The road is secondary to how important your conversation and companionship are to him. And you can't not talk him! He's asking you genuine questions about your day because he's interested. You get to listen to whatever you want and he's totally down for it even if it's not normally his thing. He'll find something he likes about it. Alone: 100/10, he somehow makes everyone better drivers by just being on the road With you: 5/10, Wyll, please, look at the road. ;_;

Boo: My eyes are closed. It's better this way. We made it there in record time. I don't know how it happened. I don't need to know how it happened. ?/10, it's best if you don't think about it