#and ive noticed how much of a variety there is with em

[flingza-roller]

Hi hi wow your cosplay looks so cool, do you have any tips or advice on making a splatoon cosplay? And happy birthday for last week, that pinata video lives in my head rent free

OUGH THANK U!! it makes me rly happy that so many people like my cosplay.... i appreciate all the stuff yall have said so much!

gonna put this under the cut cuz i typed a lot lmao

if u can find patterns online to use they will be ur best friend, winging it CAN work but. not always DSGKJ

so there would be a lot to cover but im just gonna gonna start with the tentacles- mine are made from minky but i know ppl who've used like, a more vinyl-ish material? do NOT fucking use satin, i made that mistake with my original agent 3 cosplay and i nearly smashed my sewing machine out of pure rage. satin + minky is SO slippery and no matter what u do the pattern will just, Fuck Up. its why the tentacles were shaped so weirdly :/ so this time i stuck to ONLY minky and the result was way better. i had a friend help with hand sewing em and it meant more control over how the shape turns out so it was way better than my first attempt. (i then used plushie stuffing to give em shape and it makes em sooo fucking squishy n soft)

I FORGOT TO MENTION. the tentacles are safety pinned to the inside of the hat for stability, im not wearing a wig or anything.

eye mask? use eyeliner or body paint! ive done both and they both work well, id recommend using a setting spray tho. and if ur gonna wear contacts like i did, ALWAYS put contacts in before any makeup. this avoids the risk of getting shit in ur eye while putting em in (also my eyes always water a fucktonne lmao) oh and if u use a blind contact, be prepared to have fucky vision whenever ur in cosplay. agent 3 cosplayers stay suffering 💔

if ur gonna hand sew anything, definitely try to use proper techniques. luckily my gf is very good at that kinda stuff and they helped me through sewing the poncho/cape/idk fuckin old rags, i used a whip stitch so the threading isnt visible (im thinking of modifying it to add big thick cosmetic stitches so it looks more game-accurate, same with the patch on the hat)

craft stores are ur best friend for supplies! if ur australian, i highly recommend spotlight and lincraft for pretty much everything. spotlight usually has the most variety in fabric, but i always need to order my minky online. if ur not an aussie, prolly just google which places to go to DSGJ idk what yall have.

but heres my number 1 tip for cosplay- HAVE FUN! i know this sounds cliche but seriously. i sometimes to caught up in my head over little things, like "this isnt game accurate enough" "the colours are off" "people are gonna notice (X)" but cosplay is supposed to be fun, silly, crafting experience, a hobby, but most of all ur just dressing up as a fictional character and what could possibly be dorkier than that? feel free to do things differently, u never need to adhere to canon (i literally did the hijack scar AND i have a face full of metal), being accurate is NOT the most important thing, and of course- body type, gender, skin colour, NONE of these things should stop u from doing whatever the hell u want. the naysayers can go fuck themselves <3

and if u dont have the budget to buy good supplies, theres nothing wrong with a closet cosplay! work with whatever ya got!

imma finish here but if theres a specific cosplay thing u wanna know more about please ask and ill help as much as i can :]

[wildcrisis]

The Detriment of a Pro-Hero Society

Also known as: Kids are kind of being brainwashed into being heroes, let’s look into that.

Dedicated to @deafmic for getting me back into this bullshit and inspiring me to finish something I had started noting out about two years ago. By now, I’m sure much of this has been said over time by various people, and it makes me happy to know that there are others out there who like to look deep into the background culture and settings of their favorite manga!

I apologize in advance if you notice an idea of yours here; I haven’t been active in the fandom in two-ish-years, so I may be restating some things you guys already have. I consider this rambling analysis to be free to use and abuse by anyone, no credit necessary! I only get a little bit of time on the weekends to really be on my PC, so if you send me an ask or reply to this, it may take me some time to reply back!

Anywho, onto this mess I’ve made. It’s not very tidy and is more a collection of thoughts than a properly detailed analysis, but I ain’t got all day. Again, this is messy but I don’t really have the energy to make it nice and neat.

Looking for something in specific? You might wanna ctrl+f around these titles, because this is very long and rambling.

Part I: The Beginning of Quirks and their Effect on Society Part II: What Makes a Villain Part III: M O N E Y and F A M E Part IV: Brainwashed Part V: Ignoring Those Who Need Help Part VI: Cycle/Conclusion

Part I: The Beginning of Quirks and their Effect on Society

So, we know through the manga that, as quirks first began to evolve and more and more people obtained them, the world was thrown into chaos. People had obtained power, and power is as power does, and it corrupts.

As people began using their quirks for evil deeds that broke the law, law enforcement around the world was essentially powerless. After all, during the birth of the quirk age, quirks were the minority. The powerful minority. Against that, men with tasers, batons, and guns hardly stood a chance.

However, just as the rise of quirks gave birth to people who would use that power for misdeeds, so did it bring life to those who had the inherent desire to protect others. The beginning of the age of vigilantes, which would lead to the age of Pro Heroes.

Obviously, All for One was very relevant during this time, but we’re not here to talk about him. For once. We’re here to talk about society as a whole.

The world order was too chaotic. We are aware of this due to the monologues of certain characters, and I assume we’ll be learning more as more of the former carriers of One for All become present in Deku. In this beginning, it wasn’t so much “heroes” versus “villains”, more than it was law abiding citizens versus law breakers. It’s likely that precedent hadn’t yet been established for “no quirk use”, as there were hardly enough people who could actually enforce such a law.

As more of society began to develop quirks, the Police Force made a decision to not use their quirks to take down law breakers. They moved to a more leadership position, and took a backseat to those who did use their quirks for good. At first, it was a hard decision to allow such things as Pro Heroes to take on law breakers who were too dangerous for someone to take down without a quirk.

But why, after all this time, have the Police and the Pro Heroes remained separate entities? Why have they never combined, and why do they remain so polarized in how they approach situations?

The answer is simple, yet multi-layered. Heroes and Villains ... they’re popular. They attract attention.

Part II: What Makes a Villain

If you assign a person the label “Villain”, you de-humanize them. They are no longer a “person”, per se, but a monster. Evil, in the eyes of most people. It’s easier, then, to accept their fate of being beaten by a Hero, and being carted off to prison.

This is an important distinction to make. If you remove the labels of Hero and Villain. If you remove their Quirks. Do people still react the same way? Do they cheer and adore the hero, as the hero beats the opponent senseless? Of course not. In a battle of man vs man, in the moment, humans don’t react in such a way.

We can understand why an adult who lived a hard life may turn to a life of crime. But, hardly to we look as to why or how they got there.

In this world where quirks have become the norm, but are constantly evolving, we must wonder; how are quirks judged? How are they defined? How are people treated, for the quirk they possess?

We have many examples of outcasts, and they possess a wide variety of quirks from “extremely destructive” to simply “strange, odd, not okay in society”.

Shigaraki and Overhaul are both examples of terrifying, destructive quirks. Is it any wonder that their lives turned out the way they did? The power of death was etched into their very DNA. We know Shigaraki’s backstory and how he became who he is today. It’s implied that Chisaki was abandoned or ran away as well.

Then, you have the more odd quirks that, on the surface don’t seem nefarious, but when explained in context, would make people feel uncomfortable. Toga, who’s quirk is to drink blood and transform into another person. Twice, who can make copies of any person and used his quirk for an evil deed. Nemoto, who can force anyone to tell the truth, and lived a life where he realized everyone was lying to him.

Even Shinsou Hitoshi, desperate to become a hero, was put down for what his quirk DOES. Brainwashing. That’s a “villain’s quirk”. Fellow children said that to him so casually, and behaved as if they were terrified of him!

Eri, with her quirk that made her father disappear from existence itself ... Had she not been rescued from Overhaul, what would have become of her? Forced to believe her entire existence was a curse, told that she does nothing but harm people -- as she grew older and gained control of her power, would anyone honestly think she would have led a life of goodness, considering how she was raised?

How many people labeled Villains are currently in prison, because they were treated like outcasts from the moment they developed a terrifying quirk? Was there anyone there to help them figure their way through this world, considering what they’d been born with? Are there services for people who have trouble controlling their quirks, which are truly destructive? Even with laws in place saying that you can’t use your quirk publicly, just LIVING with that knowledge that you were born ... with a scary quirk ... a villain’s quirk ... How people treat you because of that, how you look, what your quirk can do -- do you ever have any friends? Any real friends, that aren’t just people who are scared of you?

Is it any wonder, that people like this turn out to be “villains”? Society is GROOMING THEM to BE VILLAINS, simply for who and what they are and are born with.

Part III: M O N E Y and F A M E

Throwing oneself into harms way sure is a dangerous move, that most people would never bother doing. How, then, do you entice more people to become heroes and take on the villains that are popping up all around for obvious reasons?

You make your Heroes popular. You make sure they look stylish. They have cool attitudes. You make them popular among the children. After all, getting fellow adults in on the Pro-Hero train is good and all, but much like a pro-athlete, one can likely only do Hero work for a certain span of time before their body is unable to take the strain. Maybe say, ages 18-40?

Besides, with more and more people being born every day with quirks, the number of people who turn to villainous activity will grow, right? Especially if you’re not actively helping people manage their quirks, because hey, they’re not allowed to use them publicly so what does it matter?

Kids. Kids will watch heroes on TV, and see it just like any other super-hero show or cartoon. They’ll buy the merchandise. People will begin to hemorrhage money over these heroes, because they’re flashy. They’re kind. They save lives.

Now, not to say that Heroes are just there for the paycheck -- not at all. Many people become heroes simply because they do love to help people. Some become heroes because they want to stop bad guys. Sure, there are some who do it to maybe someday live an easier life, or because it pays really well and they have family to support. But, I do believe that most people go into the Pro Hero business with good intentions.

THIS, is part of the reason that Pro Heroes have remained separate from law enforcement. They are now a business. A very wealthy business. It’s not just hero agencies that make money off of the Pro Hero business. It’s toy manufacturers. Comic book stores. Prisons. Hospitals. Roots of Pro Hero society reach into nearly every type of business that there is, whether directly or indirectly.

Nobody wants that money to disappear by folding Heroes back into the police force. No, they want MORE heroes. More heroes, and more people for the heroes to fight.

tldr: heroes = $$$, so keep ‘em coming

Part IV: Brainwashed

There are a lot of factors that go into making society as a whole okay with something. It takes a lot of time, for one. It takes powerful, well spoken people. It takes lots of media attention. Before you know it, everyone is eating up the same exact thing quite willingly ... and it spreads to the next generation. And the next. After that happens, its something that is well integrated into society, like a freckle that’s always been on your arm -- its just “always been that way”.

I’ve mentioned several times that its odd for people to be so okay with one person beating another person senseless. Again, we know that its considered acceptable, because of the labels we’ve put on these individuals based on their actions: Heroes and Villains.

What I wonder is: How long have people been okay with this? Do they not realize that, in a way, this is history repeating itself?

We know why people don’t dig deeper into this. Pro Heroes are popular and people love them. The media has hand fed the Hero lifestyle to children for some time now. There are schools, MORE THAN ONE SCHOOL, that teach your child how to become a pro hero.

Think about that. It’s not just some extra-curricular activity, like sports. These are schools, designed to take in freshly graduated MIDDLE-SCHOOLERS who have not finished their regularly schooling education, who still have growing bodies and minds, and ... crafts them into perfect pro-heroes. AND PARENTS ARE OKAY WITH THIS -- SOMETIMES EVEN MORE THAN OKAY WITH IT.

These schools send young teenagers onto the streets under a pro-heroes wing to witness and be a part of fighting crime. Not organized crime, like a ring of bad guys or something, but ... random crime. Disasters. From a young age, they may encounter situations with actual dead people. Their training is dangerous. Their powers can be dangerous. One wrong move, and a student, someone you worked alongside, had lunch with everyday, is just ... gone.

There exists a police force in society. There are already pro-heroes. Why, then, is society okay with multiple schools that are practically breeding child soldiers? They are teaching kids everything about how to kick ass, how to take down these terrifying people, how to fight, how to save lives ...

Why is no one looking into why villains exist in the first place? Are these kids ever taught de-escalation tactics? To talk their opponents down? Not everyone out there is using their quirk to be evil for the sake of being evil. There’s always a reason, a purpose.

Part V: Ignoring Those Who Need Help

Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.

Hey, Star Wars had some good points!

I’ve discussed before what makes a villain. People who are afraid of what they’re capable of. People who society has turned their back on. People who desperately need help, but there is no one out there willing to give it.

These people will always find each other in the shadows. They begin, at a young age, being terrified of what they are. What they’ve done. What they can do. Maybe they’ve been kicked out of their families. Maybe they’ve killed before, completely on accident.

The average person turns their back on people like this.

These people begin their lives terrified. Constantly being told that their quirks, their past, their family, what ever it is, will make them end up a bad person. Or, maybe they tell them they’re already a bad person. That fears breeds anger and hate. Hate for this society that would rather see them burn, than offer them any help.

A young boy grows up into a man. He had a potentially devastating quirk that he never really got a good hold on, because he was never allowed to practice with it. Everyone is too scared to let him try. Then, one day, something happens -- completely by accident. He causes a scene. A massacre. He hurts people.

Parents are excited to see which of their quirks their baby displays. Instead of being one or the other, or even a fusion of both, the unthinkable occurs. Its a mutation. The toddler hurts a sibling, a parent, a friend. Terrified, the parents abandon the child, for fear of losing their entire family.

A child is told, over and over, that his quirk will never be good for anything other than being evil. This knowledge rests heavy on his shoulders, its repeated to him yearly as he grows. Then, when he acts on what everyone has TOLD HIM FOR YEARS HE WILL DO, they are surprised. As if they hadn’t imprinted the very notion into his mind.

In a way, Overhaul was right about one thing. Hero society is a disease. People look forward to watching Heroes take down Villains and save the day. They don’t think at all about why these people are villains, how they got there, where they came from. They will never admit to potentially being the reason villains exist in the first place.

Part VI: Cycle/Conclusion

Wow, I have rambled a lot. I don’t think I hit every point that I’ve ever thought of for sure. There’s ... a lot of them. And a lot of comparisons I wanted to make to other superhero anime, specifically Tiger and Bunny, which I believe does an excellent job of showing the ups and downs of hero societies.

What I wanted to make clear in all this rambling mess (which, if you read all of it, I am SO SO SORRY), is that the very existence of Pro Heroes and Villains exist solely because of a few factors that exist in a cycle.

Pro Heroes = $$$ -> Schools for more heroes -> ignoring quirk-related-problems -> more villains -> pro heroes beat up villains -> pro heroes =$$$ etc

There is someone, or some organization, that sits above all of this. There has to be. There has to be some more logical explanation as to why this type of Hero v Villain culture has been allowed to exist all of this time, and things have not drifted more back in the direction of police vs lawbreakers. There has to be a reason that its okay for heroes to be so popular. There has to be a reason that children are allowed to be groomed into becoming heroes. There has to be a reason that there isn’t more help out there for people with these types of potentially destructive quirks.

There has to be reasons.

There has to be reasons for how the Hero Commission moves. There has to be reasons for how the police move. There has to be a reason that society is still allowed to go on like this, and that its become culturally acceptable.

If anyone out there can put all my rambling into clearer words and actively wants to, I would love that. Thank you for taking the time to read my mess!

xoxo Wild

[cutieodonoghue]

dark gray (15/17)

summary: Killian Jones operates a lighthouse in the middle of nowhere, preferring a life of isolation, until one day a woman and a baby wash up on his little island and change his life forever.

read it on: ao3, ff.net

and also catch up on Tumblr!

///

Fifteen

Two Weeks Later

The media had finally decided the story was over just a few days before Christmas, probably because they’d rather spend their holiday with their own families rather than staring at the Nolan house all day with no updates to her story.

And somehow, after that, it’s normal again. Well, as normal as it can be.

It’s not easy to play the part she’d once performed so easily just a few months ago. For better or worse, the time she’d spent on the island has changed her.

Without any phone calls or messages sent from across the ocean, Emma feels stagnant. If she went back for him, there would be no guarantees of leads or direction. Leaving might even make it harder for Killian to find her.

Ruby and Belle, two of her closest friends, come to the house one morning and practically drag her out the front door to take her Christmas present shopping.

“So when will you tell us about what happened?” Ruby wonders, peering over at her from the driver's seat of Emma’s beat up VW Bug.

Emma rolls her eyes. “I’ve already told you guys everything. I fell into the ocean and washed up on the shore of a tiny island somewhere.”

“Yeah, and there was a hot lighthouse keeper. What’s he like? Killian Jones.”

Belle gasps from the backseat. “Ruby! Be kind.” The librarian turns, “Sorry, Emma. How about we talk about something else?”

Their favorite place to shop for odds and ends is on Main Street, so that’s where they find themselves, baskets in their arms while they stroll through the aisles chatting and laughing.

It’s easier to forget the sadness she feels in the back of her mind while instead thinking about what gifts make sense for her parents, or while she’s trying to keep track of the latest Ruby drama.

“Oh, Emma, Belle has a boyfriend.” Ruby suddenly announces, shaking her head in surprise. “I totally forgot to tell you.”

Emma looks at Belle, smirking slightly. “You do?”

Belle wears a bright red blush, covering her face with the mittens that she holds in her hands. “I do.”

She and Ruby share a laugh at Belle’s shyness over the fact that she’s in a relationship.

Emma reaches out to touch Belle’s arm, gently assuring her that she cares. “Who is it?”

Belle hesitates, looking between Ruby and Emma. She lowers her voice slightly, as if she’s going to be overheard. “Will. You can’t tell anyone. It’s so new, Emma.”

She has to laugh again. “Will Scarlet?”

Belle gasps. “Don’t laugh! I wouldn’t laugh if one of you were seeing someone.”

“The brooding sailor and the hopeless romantic librarian.” Ruby sighs wistfully. She plucks something off of a nearby shelf to add to her basket. “They’re really cute, though, Em. After Christmas, we should get together for dinner so we can interrogate him.”

Emma nods. “Sure.”

“I don’t see why you’d need to,” Belle rolls her eyes. “You both know him.”

“But we have to. It's our job!”

It always happens like this. In the middle of mundane conversation, a pit sinks to the pit of her stomach and she loses all of the joy she may or may not have had before.

Belle must notice, because she holds Emma’s arm, pressing her hand and chin against Emma’s shoulder. “Are you alright?”

Emma manages a smile. “I’m fine… I just think I should get going.”

“Emma…”

“No, Emma, stay.” Ruby begs, pouting her lower lip. “We can talk about literally anything else. Like, okay,” She exchanges a wide-eyed look with Belle. “Last week I was with my Granny and she said there’s no reason for us to keep making the apple crisp? What’s that about?” Her voice lowers, “People still order apple crisp.”

Belle’s gaze follows Emma, a small worried frown on her lips. “Why don’t we look for something to give Killian for Christmas?”

Somehow, the thought doesn’t hit her as hard as it could. In fact, she thinks it would be good to buy him a present.

“Okay.”

Belle thoughtfully turns to the shelves nearby. “How does he feel about candy canes? This store seems to have an endless supply.”

They all laugh briefly. Emma tucks her hair behind her ears, thoughtful. “Let’s see if they have any journals.”

/

He’s started thinking about fleeing the hospital in the middle of the night.

Everyday, it’s the same thing. He sleeps, he eats, a nurse comes and chastises him for trying to stand on his own. Rinse and repeat.

His doctor says he has to stay put for another week, but the newspaper Smee brings him claims that it’s almost Christmas, and he can’t possibly spend Christmas wearing a paper-thin gown and a pair of socks from the lost and found.

Not when he could be with Emma. Not when she’s out there wondering if he’s even alive.

“Smee, I need to get out of here.”

It isn’t the first time he’s suggested an escape, so Smee just glances at him briefly while he fiddles with the remote to the television that hangs on the wall ahead of them.

“Will you give me my clothes at least? This hospital gown is starting to chafe.”

Smee sighs, frustrated with the remote control, and drops it on the table. He looks at Killian again. “What?”

Killian groans. “If I could hit you, I would. You’re useless.”

His only friend pivots his chair toward him and folds his hands together. “How about we have a chat?”

“About what?”

Smee shrugs. “Do you think you’ll go live in America with Emma once you’re out of the hospital?”

“That’s the hope.”

Smee hums thoughtfully. “I think it would be worth looking for her online… maybe we could see if we can find a friend…”

“Smee, I need to get to her in person.” Killian interrupts Smee’s train of thought. “I can’t… I’m exhausted of this. I need to be with her.”

Smee thoughtfully stares at him. Then, he reaches for his bag, digging into it to remove a slip of paper. 

“I know it isn’t much, but a friend of mine found an address online. It might be Emma’s...”

Sitting upright, Killian’s brow dips as his eyes narrow. “Hold on. You’ve had an address this whole time?”

Smee stares at him blankly. “You’ve been bedridden.”

He thinks about his options very, very briefly, before he determinedly pushes back the sheets and forces himself to sit on the edge of the bed. 

Killian grits his teeth. It’s never easy getting out of bed merely to visit the restroom, but he can’t force himself to stay another minute with Smee suffocating him to death with his crossword puzzles and mid-afternoon variety shows.

With teeth still gritted, he yanks the IV out of his arm, much to Smee’s alarm. “Oh! Please, don’t do what I think you’re doing. Please stay in bed. Please.”

His stocking feet hit the cold floor with a grimace. He extends an arm to Smee. “Hand me my clothes.”

Smee stares at him, not moving. Killian stares back, lifting a daring eyebrow. 

“Now, Smee.”

The man jostles into action, grabbing his folded clothes from the bag he’d kept at his side. Killian sheds the hospital gown and takes each article as quickly as Smee passes them over.

It’s not easy getting into the shirt, which really should be a warning sign that pulling on pants will be impossible, but he dives into the task headfirst anyway.

He does it for Emma. He does it for Henry. He does it for sake of his own sanity.

After he dresses, he finds his breathing labored and he aches in ways he shouldn’t, but he looks at Smee again anyway. “The address.”

Smee comes closer to him, paper in hand. He hesitates. “I can’t give it to you.”

Killian begins to cradle the pain in his ribs, but refuses to slow down. “Smee. I’m not asking.”

He glares at the man until Smee caves, slouching his shoulders as he passes him the paper. “How are you going to get there? Look at you. You don’t even have any shoes!”

“Then thank you for offering yours. Bloody kind of you.”

Smee gives him a weary look, but kicks off his own boots to offer them to Killian. For someone trying to keep him from leaving, Smee isn’t exactly doing a good job.

Holding his head up high, Killian knows the only way he’ll be able to get past the nurses and doctors is if he does so quickly and with a level head. 

He takes a deep breath and takes one step forward, already regretting the decision to wear a size of shoe too small for his feet. 

“I’m only going to ask you once more to stay. Please. You can’t make the trip like this alone.”

Killian stares at Smee. Smee stares back at him. 

Almost as if Smee reads Killian’s mind, his shoulders fall and he sighs. “I’ll collect my things.”

/

It has been four weeks. Four weeks since she’d last seen Killian. Four weeks since she’d last kissed him. Four weeks since she asked him to come back to her.

There was a voice in her mind that whispered darkly to her sometimes. Maybe he stayed on purpose. Maybe he didn’t actually want to leave. Maybe he hadn’t actually changed.

Maybe everything she thought she’d experienced on a mysterious island in the middle of the ocean was in her head.

Emma does her best to shed these thoughts, but sometimes, she clings to them.

She drives to the diner, where she’d told Mary Margaret they could meet for lunch, and sits parked in front of the building for far too long.

Her phone buzzes twice.

Mom: Henry and I are at the diner!

Mom: Come whenever you’re ready (smiling emoji)

Deciding she should go inside, Emma sighs deeply and unbuckles her seatbelt. Making life normal again felt wrong without Killian here.

She sits beside her mother at the diner, leaving room for David to join opposite them in a little while. Henry happily bounces in Mary Margaret’s arms, giggling when Emma leans in and kisses his cheek. “Hi, baby.”

Her mother smiles at her. “I think he’s going to start standing on his own soon.”

“Yeah?” Emma asks, excited. Henry squirms from Mary Margaret and into Emma’s arms. She sighs happily, pressing her cheek into his baby soft curls. “I’ll miss him being this small, though.”

Mary Margaret chuckles. “We all will.”

All too easily, Emma’s delight with being with her family fades and she finds herself taking a breath just to hold it.

“If we knew where he was, I would tell you to go find him.” Mary Margaret says, seeming to know exactly where her mind went.

Emma nods. “Yeah.”

She pauses, a pest of a thought gnawing at her, begging to be shared. Emma fights with that impulse for a few seconds. Mary Margaret didn’t need to know the very worst of her inner thoughts.

And yet, the thought gnaws. Emma peers at her mother, the ever kind and compassionate source of hope and love in her life.

“What’s on your mind, honey?” Her voice is without meaning harm or pity. It hardly ever is.

Hesitating just a few seconds more, Emma adjusts herself in the booth so she can face her mother more.

“Up until the last few days, he still wanted to stay on the island, and I don’t know if he really meant what he said. How am I supposed to know for sure? I mean, it isn’t like we’d known each other for a long time.”

Her mother frowns. “Emma, you can’t think like this.”

“It’s just being honest.” She sighs. “If he deep down had any doubts… maybe he took the easy out where he could and that’s why we haven’t heard from him.”

Her mother, who has always been filled to the brim with fairytales and happy endings, reaches for Emma’s hand and shakes her head.

“You have to have hope, Emma. Without it, there’s no chance for a happy ending. Do you think we ever gave up hope we’d find you?”

Guilt hits her in a hard pang. She swallows thickly. “No. Of course not.”

Her mother tilts her head to the side, smiling gently. “Then why should you give up on Killian?”

Abruptly, Emma’s phone buzzes on the table and her eyes widen in surprise. “Oh, shoot. I have to take this outside. It’s the doctor.”

Doctors visits had become a weekly routine. Between herself and Henry, the tests and exams seemed endless, although necessary to make sure they were alright after everything they’d been through.

Her mom takes Henry as Emma answers the phone, “Hello?”

“Hi, Emma, it’s Doctor Whale’s office. I’m Nurse Bell calling about your blood test results.”

Emma hums as she steps out the diner’s front door, the bell tinkling in her wake. Taking the steps down to the snowy patio quickly, she isn’t paying any attention when she runs straight into another person.

“Oh!”

Her phone almost falls from her hand when she staggers after the impact. Before her stands her father, who laughs, apologetic. He steadies her with his hands on each of her arms.

“Oh, geez. Sorry, Sweetie.”

She laughs in response, using his shoulder as a balance while she pulls herself back together. “It’s okay. I should’ve been watching where I was going.”

He gently reaches up to adjust her hat on her head. “There you go.”

Emma smiles in thanks, softening a little at the gentleness of the interaction. “Mom and Henry are in our favorite booth.” She holds up her phone. “I have to take this. Be right in.”

David nods in understanding and Emma quickly pulls her phone back to her ear. “So sorry about that. I just... had a run-in with someone.”

The nurse laughs. “I heard. Do you want to hear your results over the phone or would you rather come into the office?”

Emma shakes her head. There’s no need to visit the doctor again if it was just a routine blood test. “I’ll take them now, if that’s possible.”

Nurse Bell pauses. “Okay, well… everything looks good. Um… well, except…”

Her heart skips an anxious beat. “What is it?”

“Well, congratulations are in order, Emma,” the nurse says with a smile she can hear even on the phone, “you’re pregnant.”

All of the blood completely drains from her face and she finds herself standing so still, so quiet, that she almost forgets that she’s on the phone.

Her voice breaks when she finally squeaks out, “What?”

The nurse rattles off a bunch of information, but Emma isn’t listening.

Pregnant.

How the hell did this happen?

Of course, she knows how. She just doesn’t... know how.

Somehow, she ends the call and finds the will within herself to lift her feet, though her mind races with thoughts of Killian.

His eyes, so blue. Would their child have blue eyes too?

Once she stands inside Granny’s Diner, she casts her gaze onto her parents and Henry.

Henry is going to be a big brother.

She’s going to have a baby.

And Killian is still missing.

Every excuse she’d made up for not going to look for him now seems so insignificant. There wasn’t a doubt in her mind that they were meant to be together, but now she actually felt it in her bones.

She shouldn’t have waited for so long to go… maybe she shouldn’t have even left so quickly after reuniting with her parents. But staying here now, with the knowledge that both of her children could be without their father… it felt wrong in the worst way.

Guilt floods her mind, squashing the darkness that had been bothering her all day with a bitter flavor. She almost allows it to overwhelm her, to anchor her to the premise it feeds her, but somewhere deep down, hope stirs within.

Hope that this is only a hiccup, that she would find him, and they would be together again. No matter where, or when, or how, Emma would see Killian again.

When she comes back to the table in the back corner of the diner, she sits beside her mom, who immediately turns to her with worry knitting her brow.

“What’s wrong?”

Emma’s mouth opens, words refusing to form on her tongue. She shakes her head slowly. “I’m going to find Killian. I should get on a plane tonight.”

Mary Margaret looks across the table at David, as if she needs help wrangling Emma in, but her father nods, a kind smile on his face.

“Whatever you need to do. Let’s go. I’m with you, Emma.”

[terminally-karkalicious]

allow me to rant about the only thing that has been in my brain for the past two months and that is doll customizing babeyyyyy

i know there’s a 90% chance that you wont give a Shit about any of this but here we go anyways

SO first you gotta choose a doll. preferably one with a high range of motion to avoid creating new joints or having annoying limitations like not having elbow joints for some fucking reason. what the fuck mattel. give monster high dolls back their ball jointed shoulders and elbow joints. smh

the most common dolls ive seen used as bases are monster high and ever after high. most customs ive seen are highly stylized so the stylized face molds work well for those types of dolls but dolls like barbies are good for when you want a more realistic face-ups.

once you’ve got your base picked out you gotta wipe that bitch’s face off with like. acetone or nail polish remover or something strong like that. you can also use acetone to shrink doll heads which is cool as hell imo. n e way once the face is wiped you gotta chop off the hair and remove the hair plugs from the inside. ive seen this done several ways but the easiest and most common way ive seen is to dunk the head into boiling water for ~30 seconds until it gets squishy and malleable. once you’ve got the head back, you can use pliers (i think tweezers would work in a pinch) to pull out the hair plugs which are kinda icky because theyre covered in glue and other gross shit. ew

now you must decapitate the doll. dunk em back in the boiling water to soften them back up then just tug the head off. the neck pegs look funky and are usually a different color than the body so thats cool ig

once the head’s off, you can start the face-up which is basically just giving the doll a new face using stuff like watercolor pencils, acrylic paint, gouache, and a whole lot of other stuff. hell ive seen people use person makeup on these dolls.

next,,,,, hair. there’s about twenty million ways to do hair from gluing yarn wefts to sewing to rerooting with purchased nylon doll hair or yarn wefts but i’m gonna talk about the most common one ive seen which is rerooting and gluing.

before you can reroot, you need doll hair. which, as i mentioned, can be bought at stores like the doll planet or made at home with yarn in literally any color. have fun with it! make rainbow hair or something idk

to make homemade wefts, you take some acrylic yarn, cut it twice as long as you want the hair to be (keep in mind you can cut and style the hair once it’s been rerooted), fold them in half, and tie it to something sturdy like a wire coat hanger for the next step.

once you’ve got your yarn tied to your hanger, use a pet brush and brush the yarn until it’s wispy and looks like hair. then take a straightening iron and iron the weft flat. then remove from the hanger and boom. hair wefts. ta-da

to reroot the wefts onto the head, use a rerooting tool (which can be as simple as a needle with the eye cut at angle) (just google it please i’m shit at descriptions)) to poke small sections of the hair into the head. you can use the pre-existing rooting holes for your own reroot as they’re usually pretty reliable. to reroot, take a small length of you doll hair (about 10-15 strands), loop it in half, and put the middle of the loop into the reroot tool. poke the end of the tool with the hair on it into the pre-existing hole and remove the tool. the hair *should* stay in and fill up that plug!! also remember to plug thickly at the hairline and part of the hair where it's most noticeable. it doesnt matter as much in the center of the head as that’s not usually visible on the doll. once you’ve rerooted, squeeze in strong glue through the neck hole and squish around the head to make sure it covers all the plugs and secures them in place. then pour hot water onto the head to make the hair lay flat for styling later.

also, you can reroot yarn directly into the head to make thicker, more textured hairstyles. and since the yarn is thicker, you dont need to glue the inside of the head for the hair to stay in place!!

if youre not doing body modifications (which are also cool as hell) then it’s time for clothes but clothes are boring and i like body mods more so i’m gonna rant about them instead

the material ive seen most doll artists use is apoxie sculpt, which is like play doh on steroids. it comes in two parts which you gotta mix together for some reason. why dont they sell it pre-mixed. what was the reason. also once it’s dry it’s super super strong and you can sand it, drill into it, paint it, and all kinds of stuff. very nice and i want some for myself.

you can use hand saws and drills and shit to whack off doll limbs to make stuff like digitigrade legs or new joints. also dont be afraid to use other mismatching doll parts when customizing like heads and bodies and forearms and hands and shit. it literally does not matter if youre gonna recolor the doll anyways so have fun with it. make frankenstein’s doll if youre feeling spicy

accessories my beloved. stuff like tiny beads and clay baubles and shit will literally transform the entire doll plus they’re adorable and multi-purpose

i suppose i must talk about clothes now. ah well. you can find great clothing patterns if youre new to customizing on other customizer’s etsy shops and probably google although those will probably be lower quality than paid pattern pieces. and keep in mind that if it exists as clothing irl, you can likely make it doll-sized. there are literally no limits to your clothing options as long as you can execute your idea.

the once all your components have been made, you can assemble the doll again!! and finally see what all the parts look like together!! very cool 10/10 stars.

ight that wraps up my doll rant. i could really go into more detail on certain parts but thats a whole other rant for a whole other day smh. sorry for fucking flooding your inbox ender ahaha……………. you asked for this

little did you know that dolls have been one of my favorite things since like ever. if i can read a 25 chapter long fanfic i can read this B)

mattel definitely fucked up by completely ruining MH doll designs and just stopping EAH, alot of their profits most likely came from people who collect and customize dolls and by changing MH doll designs/Stopping EAH dolls they 1. most likely lost a small (or big if we're not jus talking people who customize dolls) part of their profit and 2. made it harder for doll customizers to make dolls/get commissions out rather quickly because they probably have to waste more time making joints or learning how to make joints.

EAH/MH dolls (specifically MH dolls) had AMAZING MODELS because there was so much variety with height, face shapes, etc (my favorite molds had to be the short/tall dolls and the cat molds because of the tails) and doll customizers really went all out with enhancing a molds unique features. The only "downside" abt MH dolls is that they (or atleast most)(from what i remember)) had slimmer faces but wider eyes while EAH dolls have wider faces with slimmer smaller which left a canvas for the face and not the eyes (and vice versa for MH dolls)

I've never seen any videos where a barbie is customized (maybe because i absolutely despised barbies at the time) so I'll definitely have to check those out but they seem to be good for realistic makeovers. I've seen like like semi realistic makeovers for EAH/MH dolls that were pretty good too tho (pretty sure mostly EAH dolls since yk MH dolls were used for creature makeovers while most EAH dolls weren't)

yeah i was always amazed by the head shrinking with acetone. honestly i still am?? idunno i have no idea how that chemical bullshit works. Ive seen a few of uh makeovers that just pain over the face (in multiple layers ofcourse) but that's usually when they're painting the entire body a different colour (again usually when they're turning a doll into a funky little baby man). I've also seen a few that just chop the hair off and take out the hair plugs yk without uuh like softening the head or just go straight for the hair plugs after taking off the head (i used to do that it was funny to me??). i always really liked when they used watercolour pencils or just colour pencils in general to draw/sketch on the face cause like wow ur drawing on ur doll without ruining it?? kinda epic maybe even poggers and pogchamp?? oh god my brain is failing wjshsmsj.

Watching them putting the hair back on the doll was, other than the face stuff, was the BEST part for me. Favorite type of hair was iuuuuuh was either thick yarn or brushed out yarn. Literally worship the people that would reroot the hair, theyre the most patience people on this earth!! it's literally insane but i guess that's what happens when you've been doing that for years? you guess kinda get used to it. when they put glue into the head does it just become stiff?? like it's just a clump of dried glue or does it like..hollow out again??

dude you literally cannot convince me most of the supplies used for doll makeovers. APOXIE CLAY LOOKS SO FECKING GOOD. its edible and i will die on that hill. The body mods are literally so amazing!!!!! it's so impressive how theyre able to imagine certain features THEN LIKE ACTUALLY MAKE IT LOOK ACCURATE TO WHAT THEY WANTED TO LOOK LIKE AFTER LIKE ON TRY (or many yk trial and error is very necessary for..everything). Absolutely loved when doll customizers would saw off a dolls legs and use different ones or just completely get rid of the torso to use a different one. it's like uuh that one big guy that's mismatched and sewn together. very cool. The accessories are so fun!! just small little details you seen really need but can add because it's your feckin doll!! I used to be absolutely obsessed over the doll clothes i would find on etsy, so much so that i started sewing shitty shirts and dresses for my uh "customized" dolls (they were absolute HORRORS idk WHY my mom let me feck up my dolls like that).

Thank you for this!! i haven't been able to talk about any of my interests for a while and this just really made me happy!!

Question fer u my fellow MH/EAH enthusiast: what was your favorite MH/EAH movie/episode and doll series. Mine was The fusion dolls (MH obvi) and that MH movie "Haunted" cause we got to know more about Spectra :D

[nad-zeta]

Match up! (◠‿◠✿)

hiya!! can i pls get a matchup for ikesen, if its ok? 💞

bi girl i prefer guys! ambiverted intp, gryffindor, n true neutral. i have an older twin sis n i love/hate her sm lmao!!

i have medium-length straight-ish black hair (w/ a side bang to the right) & dark brown eyes!! im 5'5-ish, fun fact: im a filipina!

sooo im a complex daydreamer!! i NEED attention/affirmation or ill feel unwanted/sad. emotional scorpio, im quite sensitive. anxiety, i overthink too much! quiet w/ people im not close w/. easily annoyed but guilty after ‘cause im soft-hearted. im like half funny/playful/kind & half deep/mature/awkward- hopeless romantic! i have a way w/ words, sorta poetic? i wanna be the best! sorta socially anxious, i have a fear of judgement. im not innocent but ppl think i am at first. i look fine but deep down im a big mess. rlly smart & knowledgable. vv passionate, big nerd actually! im like a kid w/ my twin but w/ others im more mature. im the type to do fun stuff and loosen up but would also just cuddle and have long convos. im vv good w/ technology! very imaginative, i come up with stories a lot- around others im very quiet because i literally have no idea what to say. actually a big history fanatic, hehe. i act confident but im not rlly, actually vv insecure and i regret a lot of things.

a habit of mine is that i tend to drift away and just… think? i also tend to care a lot abt my appearance! i get competative but there are also times when im just chill. i get vv embarrassed when i lose control tho n i regret it sm :(( i have loads of trouble asking for help even if i like to help others a lot! i like being organised but i tend to be… chaotic.

hsjsh- fun fact: there are times where im just,, super hyper n say the weirdest things? im good in school but,, im lazy yknow- i love math (surprisingly, i got a natural talent?), science (esp abt stars n space), history, and english (actually my 2nd languange but im very fluent) the most. bilingual but im also learnin french! wanna learn latin too tho but id break down- i have the fear of the unknown, failure, n loneliness! im scared of the future cause its beyond human ability to know,, the only guys ive rlly talked to r family members so my awkwardness goes 100x hsjsjs

oh, i rlly love affection, but i need a lot of space too, tho! girls gotta have privacy- games r a hUge part of my life, so is technology and the modern era! i actually like sports too- not very good at em tho :((

some likes: gaming, jokes (esp corny/stupid/puns), space, stars, weapons (esp swords/guns), philosophy, psychology, testing myself, affection, animals, doing exhilirating things, music, movies, books, writing, astrology, astronomy, learning new things, & mythology.

some dislikes: too much heat, school presentations, creepy dolls, being under pressure, dirty things, blind faith, & annoying people.

tysm! omg i hope this isnt too long- i think this is too long?? yIkes i hope that this is ok!! love ur writing btw! stay safe 💞

Hi hi love! thank you so much for the request! You sound like a wonderful person and omw it soooo cool that you have a twin! I actually think she sent in a request right after you did lol! Anyways sorry for making you wait sooooo long and i hope you enjoy it! @x-joie-x

 So i match you with...................... Mitsuhide

The first time you meet this sneki boy, you were quiet and reserved. War council had just ended and you were named as a princess of the Oda forces. You were super socially awkward, and anxiety was slowly starting to creep in, as the curious warlords started to surround you. It wasn’t until Mitsuhide had pulled you away in a teasing manner to save you from the crowd that you finally started to calm down. He had noticed this new little mouse had been on edge since arriving. However, he didn’t suspect you of being an assassin or spy as, during the whole council, your hands shook, and you could barely speak up against Nobunaga’s demanding and commanding tones. 

Mitsuhide had found you incredibly amusing from the first moment you walked in, you caught this foxes eye. He didn’t know if it was the innocence or naïve purity that just seemed to radiate from you, but for some reason when he was looking at you, he found that he simply couldn’t look away.

It took all of one day for all the warlords to officially drop all suspicions of you. You were just such a sweetheart how could they not instantly love you and feel the need to protect you. You had started helping a few of the maids that first morning after you were named princess. You didn’t want to be a freeloader, so you worked hard to earn your keep and soon, the maids were fighting over who would get to work with you cause all of then just loved and adored you so much. 

You got annoyed with Hideyoshi when he first found you helping the maids, as he was 100% started micromanaging you. You lost you cool and raised your voice at him, TBH Hideyoshi didn’t think anything of it, but it wasn’t until you had pitched up at his manor an hour later to apologize for being so rude to him that he realized what a sweet and sensitive person you truly were. Of course from that moment onward you had gained yourself a big doting brother.

All the Oda forces agreed that you were too sweet and naïve for your own good, so Mitsuhude was assigned to give you princess lesson to prepare you for your new life as Oda princess. You were super excited when Mitsuhide had told you that he was going to teach you a variety topics such as economics, politics, history and self-defence. You even managed to impress the sneki boy, by getting all the questions correct on the first test he had handed you. You had found that first test incredibly easy as you were a bit of a history buff, and all the questions had been based on Nobunaga’s history. This low key shook the sliver kitsune a little bit, as this proved that not only were you pure and naive but you were also super smart. You kind of reminded him a little bit of Mitsunari, a cleaver professor with their head in the clouds. 

Mitushide praised you for your ability to pick up on concepts quickly and work diligently as a student, “I dare say little one, you are the best student a teacher could ask for.” You spend masses amount of time with sneki boi, and through that time you realized just how sweet Mitsuhide truly was, although he was a massive tease leaving you a blushy mess almost every day after lessons with his teasing comments. And naturally, the more time Mitsuhide had spent with you, the more in love he fell. It was also noted by the fellow warlords that, Mitsuhide always wore a soft gentle expression when it came to you, and in your experience he had been a kind gentle patient teacher. SO naturally you found yourself more and more drawn to this mysterious man.

Through all the time spent with the kitsune, you found yourself opening up more and more. He was one of the few people that got to see your playful side. You now would make the puniest, corniest jokes he has ever heard, leaving this kitsune in a fit of laughter mid-way through a lecture. Not only that, but he loved loved loved your competitiveness side. 

This side of you slowly started to surface after the 3rd or 4th self-defence lesson when you started challenging the kitsune to rematches whenever he would pin you down, ultimately beating you in your little makeshift sword fight. Boy oh boy, don’t even get me started on the shooting lessons, once you were able to fire the rifle, you were straight-up challenging this boy, the best marksmen around to a shoot-off. “Come on Mitsuhide, the first one to get 100 bulls-eyes in a row wins, and the loser has to buy tea.” Needless to say, you always lost and even though every day you would make that exact bet, Mitsuhide would always insist on sticking you for tea and lunch as reward for being such a good student. 

He really enjoyed spending time with you and would absolutely insist on holding your hands whenever the two of you were on your way to the tea house together after your lessons. “I can’t have my clumsy little mouse tripping and falling now can I.” Every day without fail, he would say that to you as he wraps his big hand around your small one, while leading you to your favourite tea house.

The two of you would talk about everything and anything over tea, these topics ranged from you making stupid jokes, to talking about random topics such as philosophy and psychology. Either way, Mitsuhide loved to spend time with you. He would always listen to and hang on to every word you said, storing every word in his memory. 

You were his precious little mouse, and he knew you were an extremely sensitive creature. If anyone dared say a single bad word to you or make you sad, they would face the wrath of this very protective kitsune. Like one time, one of the visiting daimyos had talked down to you for accidentally bumped into him. You were busy cleaning the windows when you accidentally lost your balance and bumped into him. He was so disgusted that a mere maid had touched him. He started yelling at you and insulting you, this escalated to such a point that he even had his hand raised ready to hit you for getting dirty window water on his shoes. That’s when sneki boi decided to intervene. Mitsuhide legit stood protectively in front of you with his rifle pointed at the man’s heart, with the full intention to shoot. “Golly me it appears like you are quite the troublesome little mouse, my dear.” He then turned his sharp gaze towards the daimyo “I do suggest you apologize to the Oda princess, lest you want to answer for your crimes directly to Nobunaga.” The man simply scoffed and walked away. Mitsuhide then turned to you and enveloped you in a warm hug while kissing the top of your head, “Are you alright, my dear little mouse?” Mitsuhide looked into your beautiful eyes and gently took your hands in his, “Come little one, I have something I wish to show you.”

The two of you walked hand in hand to Mitsuhide’s manor, Mitsuhide led you out into his garden, where you saw something so beautiful you could cry. The garden was filled with flowers and candles and in the centre was a table set up, with a feast laid out op top of it. 

Mitsihide had told you that night that he was hopelessly in love with you. He was overjoyed when he had discovered that you like him, was also a hopeless romantic and that you had an incredibly poetic, romantic way with words. You handed him a letter in which you had expressed your feelings for him in the form of a beautifully written poem. You were actually intending to leave the poem on his desk as a way of confessing your feelings. This instantly melted sneki bois heart into a giant puddle and he couldn’t help but pull you in for a sweet kiss. 

After diner Mitsuhide had led you deeper into the garden where a fluffy blankie was sprawled out on the grass, he guided you to sit down and the motioned for you to lookup. Above you, a thousand stares were shooting across the sky in a big meteor shower. Mitsuhide pulled you into his arms and kissed your cheeks as the two of you watched the sky. He always remembered every detail you had told him about yourself, so when you revealed that you loved the sky and the stars, he knew he had to incorporate this rare meteor shower in your date somehow. 

This had sparked a new tradition between the two of you, to stargaze and spend the whole night in deep conversation. These nights were full of love and affection as Mitsuhide would pull you into his lap and just hold you there for hours and hours as the two of you talked and watched the sky

Of course sneki boi also had a bit of a spontaneous side, and would take you on exhilarating trips around Nobunaga’s territories. They were mostly missions but after you had nagged Nobunaga to give you permission to go along on the missions, you and Mitsuhide would finish the official work asap so that the two of you cuties had plenty of time to enjoy yourself in the new environment.

Mitsuhide loves everything about you from your slight messiness, to your love of learning new things. He also knows that his sweet little mouse sometimes needs some space and alone time and will be sure to give you as much alone time as you need to recharge. He knows that you will seek him out when you have had enough of your own company. He will always welcome you back with outstretched arms when you have had enough alone time, and shower you with endless amounts of affection.

Whenever you are feeling insecure or worrying about the future Mitsuhide is right there by your side, whispering words of affection and reassurance in your ears. He makes sure to remind you every day just how perfect you are and just how much he loves you. 

Often you can be found in sneki boys lap with your head resting comfortably in the crook of his neck as he soothingly strokes your hair. Don’t be surprised if this sneaky kitsune drops a few kissed on your nose, cheeks or lips during these quiet and peaceful moments, just as a way to convey how much he loves and adores you.

Other potential matches……………..Masamune 

I hope you enjoyed it dear and i hope you have the best day! 

[autisticstarseed]

👐 Hand washing guide when you have sensory issues 👐

tbh. we shouldve been talking abt this a long time ago for many disabled ppls sake but ive put this post off for like a million years out of pure solidified fear of ableist harassment/kneejerk ignorance and also generalized cringe idiots but now that we got so much covid-19 fear and autistic ppl actually tend to have weaker immune systems than most people lets jump the shark;;;

i have autism and i physically struggle with washing my hands as often as i want to, having wet hands, drying them, the temperature difference, bad soap smells/textures, etc. are all genuinely painful. the good news is that ive dealt with water aversion shit since birth (its a common sensory issue), so ive had time to figure out alternatives and coping skills that still help reduce risk of disease and spreading it in ways that i can personally manage. (ie. not lazy or selfish or gross. genuinely putting more effort into this every day task than most other people would even think about. just disability lads) so heres the guide i have to offer if you’re in a similar boat, with some keypoints about hand hygiene and tips addressing the most common sensory struggles ive noticed with it;;;

1. hand sanitizer

i love hand sanitizer, i can get it in almost any scent i want and it dries down very very fast. the problem is; hand washing and hand sanitizer do different things. it only kills certain types of germs. which is all fine and dandy, but because of this, using only hand sanitizer wont actually keep you from catching or spreading many illnesses. so what its good for is times you cant wash your hands (out in public, sensory overload, no spoons, etc), thats fine, but it should not replace all hand washing if at all possible. it is supposedly effective to covid-19, but so little is currently known that it should not be considered your go to for this, and the only unanimous statement straight from the CDC is that hand washing works best at preventing its spread.

temperature - if you have trouble with it being too cold, conveniently keeping it in your pocket or closely against your body in some way warms it up and makes it much more comfortable. 

scent - they come in almost any scent you can imagine, but if you have trouble with strong scents, there are ‘scentless hand sanitizers’. they usually have a faint chemical smell, so if there are any testers available, you should check to make sure it can work for you before you buy it.

texture - if gel doesnt cut it, they also make foamy hand sanitizers and liquid sprays, but theyre harder to find and might be a little more pricey.

and remember; always buy hand sanitizer that says it contains AT LEAST 60% alcohol, the higher alcohol content the better, but try to keep track of how high it is and how much you apply it so you dont dry your skin out. and right now price gouging is pretty bad, so dont be surprised if you cant find any for a while, and dont buy any small bottle that costs over a couple dollars, its a rip off.

2. hand washing 

so what does hand washing do thats better than sanitizer??? soap and water lift up the dirt and oils that are carrying the germs and actually wash them off, and not only that, it also gets rid of all the things sanitizer cant, such as dust/dirt, spores, chemicals, and the previously mentioned viruses that are harder to kill. ik to an outside perspective it might not seem that hard, but obviously when you have autism and these tasks are split down into bigger ordeals and sensory nightmares, it can feel impossible. 

soap - there are so many different kinds of soap! scentless soaps exist, and they very rarely have any lingering chemical smell! theres also soap for sensitive skin, and baby soap also works well for that issue. bar soaps can come in all different shapes and sizes, with many different ingredients and additives to choose from (independent soap makers are an amazing source for customized soap btw), and liquid soaps can be pure gel, frothy, mousse-y or even have tiny exfoliating or moisturizing beads in them if thats a sensory experience you enjoy. this is my number one rec for people struggling with hand washing bc of sensory issues;;; mix up the soap. finding one that gives you an okay or even a GOOD sensory experience can completely turn around an otherwise meltdown inducing task

temperature - this is the one thats always been hardest for me. cold water straight up hurts me, and our plumbing is Terrible, so the trick i have for slow pipes is to run the hot water on high as Soon as i get into the bathroom. leave it going and by the time you’re done there should be at least lukewarm water. if this still takes too long for you, try out the various sinks in your house, usually one is able to get hot water faster than the rest (for me its the kitchen sink) and that can become a designated station for you if need be.

texture - some ppl just hate water. if thats the case, it rly doesnt change much abt the process if you use less water, ie work the soap into a lather, and then only use as much as you need to rinse it off. you dont have to keep your hands under the whole time, the soap clings to the dirt, the water takes it off all together, as long as you scrub well and rinse till you see no suds, you’re good 

If it really comes down to it, a washcloth with water+soap, a disinfecting wipe, or even literally just a rinse with plain ol water is better than nothing, but the stream of water and act of rubbing the soap in is the most effective combo against disease. soap/disinfectant wipes and hand sanitizers are your second best option. if theres a time in your life where an issue is so disabling for you that you truly cant keep any of this up, rly the most important thing is to limit your direct physical contact with your face and commonly used objects as MUCH as possible until you can figure smth out. (you kno those old ladies that grab a wipe and open the doorknob with it between their hand and the knob? become that old lady) and if push comes to shove, if a safe and accepting therapy setting is something accessible to you, hygiene struggles are actually something many mental health professionals understand Very well and can help you cope with personally and directly, without shame.

3. hand drying

this is also. my personal hell. and what most people say is the hardest part of the sensory experience. but ya cant just walk around with wet hands right

towels - the obvious choice for most, but to me they actually dont dry enough. i always end up damp and with lint stuck to me. this kills the man. but hand towels do have some variety to them, you can find em with really long fibers or really short/flat, really fuzzy or really stiff, etc. sounds silly but its smth a lot of ppl dont think about that can change a lot. you can also try super absorbent towels (yes like a shamwow), and again baby bath towels are also an option if you want something gentle.

paper towels - yeah a little more wasteful and expensive, but imo much more absorbent. theyre also pretty thin so you can get between your fingers (MY BANE), and under your nails if you use a corner. 10/10

blow drying - ik this is the kind of shit you only see in like movie theaters and malls and they are definitely LOUD AS SHIT, but if you happen to have the money, and struggle more with Textures than Noise, ie a stream of warm air seems worth the sound, you Can actually find a small basic one of these items for your own home. 

4. public restrooms

everybody hates em!!! but you can make em more tolerable;;;

soap - bring your own! little travel soaps you can keep in your bag are a godsend for ppl with sensory issues, sensitive skin/allergies, and if you just prefer not sharing soap.

temperature - most public places i notice actually do get hot water pretty fast (like,,, too fast,,, like,,, it bur ns me) so if there are no faucets and its too hot or too cold, once again you can try different sinks and one might be more comfortable. if there are faucets i recommend grabbing a paper towel to turn it off, so you dont have to touch it again with your clean hands.

sound - WHY R AUTOMTIC FLUSH TOILETS SO FUCKEN LOUDD..... honestly if you have noise cancelling earmuffs or earplugs or w/e pop em in. if you dont have any of that i just literally plug my ears with my fingers when i stand up. if you struggle with the sound of the blow dryers, they almost always have paper towels as well, but its a great idea to carry something like that around in your bag with you just in case. if its really packed and people chattering is getting to you, sometimes the ‘family’ bathrooms are actually smaller and less full. if its bad enough and you feel comfortable asking, an employee might be able to direct you to a single stall bathroom or at least a different one than that.

and though its convenient, try not to use your sleeve to touch things like doorknobs, toilet handles, etc. instead use something disposable like a paper towel or wipe, bc the germs will simply transfer to your sleeve and still risk infecting you. 

5. schedule

the number one suggestion is to wash your hands literally as often as possible during a time like this but like. even for allistic/nt/abled/ ppl thats just not always an attainable schedule so the Best times to wash your hands are;;;

after using the bathroom - the most important time and generally the easiest to get used to. its smth you have to do multiple times a day that already has a schedule, and if you were to forget or go into sensory overload its usually immediately accessible as soon as you can. as i mentioned earlier, if you need help remembering, you can turn the water on when you first get in and leave it going.

the doctors - ANY KIND of health facility should be avoided right now unless really necessary, places where sick people would frequent is the quickest way to get sick but like. ya rly cant help it sometimes right. you cant stop dealing with your own illnesses just bc theres another one floating around. so, this is time to go apeshit on the handwashing. if your health issue involves coughing and sneezing, ask for a face mask. bring a scarf in case they dont have any, its not as great but better than nothing. otherwise, you honestly dont need it, face masks are more for these people bc they keep germs in better than out. whether you’re worried abt getting sick or infecting others, this is a time to use hand sanitizer, avoid physical contact like shaking hands [autistic cheering], and when you first arrive and right before you go to leave are the most important times to remember to wash your hands. 

preparing food - not as commonly spoken about, but also easy to work into a schedule. i personally dont care unless its food for somebody else or if im going to be putting my hands on it a lot, but if thats the case, a lot of the time thats produce you already want to wash in the sink, so you can kill two birds with one stone there. dont just get the germs off your own hands, get em off the fruits and veggies before you eat em. carpool

after grocery shopping - not very common. most ppl just slap some sanitizer/a wipe on there or dont think abt it at all, but if you just got home from walmart thats a great time to wash. you just touched a bunch of items other people touched, including the cart, money/credit cards, and all the products people will pick up and put back, so its prime germ time babey. But again, sanitizer or a wipe will help if its all you can manage after a trip out like that.

before self care - also uncommon. ppl always say ‘dont touch your face’ and ‘apply this product with clean hands’, and what they mean is that one of the fastest ways germs get into your system is through your mouth, nose, eyes and ears. if you’re simply washing your face theres not as much concern, but applying a mask, moisturizer, makeup, etc. should all be done after a gentle rinse of your hands (and face). very hard to get into the schedule of, but if you consider it a Part of your ‘self care’ or use a special fun cleanser, it can stick a little easier.

6. stim items

STIM ITEMS!! if you have stim items, its a good idea to clean them regularly, but even moreso during an outbreak like this.

rubber/plastic - if it goes in your mouth, hot water (not hot enough to melt!) and dish soap, if it doesnt, look up how to safely make a diluted bleach solution.

silicone - silicone is usually dish washer safe.

fabric - if its light, add bleach to the washing machine, if its colored, you can use white vinegar or hydrogen peroxide which are less likely to discolor any dyes. lysol detergent is also super great. small items you’re worried about losing, or items with details/loose parts, you can usually wash inside of a sealed pillow case. 

‘squishies’ - for ‘mochi’ squishies aka the rubbery ones, soap and water + some dusted baby powder or corn starch (optional) to keep it from grabbing lint for a while. for foam squishies, they can rarely be deep cleaned without the risk of growing mold or taking paint off, but a disinfecting wipe every now and then should keep it clean for a while.

slime - cant be disinfected, sorry. also a breeding ground for mold if you arent careful, so its always best to cycle through these quickly.

technology - cant really be completely sterilized, but there are many places to get sprays and cleaning wipes for the devices you use that can at least keep the areas your hands frequently touch a little cleaner.

BUT of course if your item comes with instructions on how to wash it, always follow that instead. this is just a general idea.

and as a final note;;; disabled ppl should not feel guilty or dirty for struggling with this. like. man idc abt ur cringe feels or your ignorant blame or your lack of understanding/sympathy for what goes into these tasks for us. if u dont wanna get our struggles and sensitivities when we’re working twice as hard on functioning tasks which personal ease you take for granted, thats on you. @ disabled people if you struggle with maintaining the same standard of hygiene as nts you arent gross or bad fucking person, you’re disabled and by definition that means your level of functioning will be different, and you deserve sympathy. its just that germs dont discriminate, they wanna cause problems for everybody involved (especially you!!!), so Anything you can manage is Great and if anything from this post can help make it a little easier for people in any way, i feel its absolutely necessary to talk about with respect and dignity. people with autism/adhd/sensory processing disorder/similar neurodivergencies/literally anybody else this could benefit, pls feel free to add on any tips you might have or send me questions. let disabled ppl help disabled ppl do our personal bests

[shannygoatgruff]

My Brother’s Keeper - Chapter X

Genre: Psychological Thriller

Modern Ivar X Modern Hvitserk

Rating: MA

Overall Warning:  Dark story told from an emotionally distributed person’s POV with graphic and sadistic material including rape, terror, torture, kidnapping, drug use, slash, implied incest, necrophilia, and insecurity. Heavy trigger warnings.  

Chapter Warning: Coercion. Crazy people, being crazy. Dark thoughts.

Summary: Mama always said to be their brothers’ keeper. Now there is absolutely nothing these two won’t do for each other.  Boys will be boys…

Chapter X

I'm usually pretty excited when Ivar and I start making plans to go out, but there's something about this that's making me nervous.  Normally, after we find a location, we hang out somewhere and let whatever happens, happen. We don't make definite plans and we damn sure don’t pre-select our guests. We just leave the house and let the rest fall into place.

But this? This is too methodical. There's way too much planning and strategy involved.  It almost feels sinister.

He's given me a lot to think about, sitting here all alone. By the time he resurfaces from the basement, I now have a thousand more questions and even more reservations. Even though we've been over it at least a dozen times, I still don't totally get it.  

If I’m being honest, I like that spur of the moment feeling we have when we're scouting.  The most forethought we've ever given to any night is where we're going to the deed. Once we find cool people to hang out with and get them back to our place, the sky's the limit. But today, he actually wants to make a plan? 

What the hell?  When did this become so involved? This is supposed to be a hobby, just something to do for fun.  Ives is turning this into a full-time job.

I don't even wait for him to sit back down before I feel my lips moving. "But there are two of them. How are supposed to get both of them to come?" I need him to explain this to me like I'm a six-year-old because it's not sinking in.  Why does this make so much sense to him?  I know having to constantly explain it to me has to be getting on his nerves. But, if it is, he hasn't said anything, yet.  He's still being so patient with me.

His large hand gently cups mine and he squeezes it for added assurance. "Serk-ky. You trust me, right?" He never needs to ask that question. I trust Ivar with my life. Hell, I trust him more than I trust myself. Watching me nod, his face softens. "This will work."

"But what about the choice? We always give them a choice." I don't mean to rain on his parade, but we follow this set of unspoken rules: we don't go out partying without each other and we don't force anybody to do anything they don't want to do. That's why this feels like coercion. Of course, I can't tell him that. He'll say that I've been watching too much TV and that real life doesn't work that way. Of course, he's right...he's always right.  

I'm just being paranoid, as usual.  

Ivar considers my question as he stands. He's not angry, in fact, he seems pleased. "Come here." I don't ask him why instead I join him at the back door and lookout. "You see that?"

I look out at another warm Fall day, and my eyes land on pure beauty. All she's doing is watering her lawn, but there's something about the way she does it that has me transfixed.  I can feel myself starting to salivate and I have to run my hand over my mouth stop myself from visibly drooling.

"She's the one. Just look at her." There is grace in the way she flings her hair over her shoulder. Even as she slips her feet back into her UGG slippers, leaving only her heels and that ankle bracelet visible to me, I have to restrain myself from barging out of that door and taking her. "Look at how she holds the water hose. So delicately, so gently. You see the water around her ankles? Notice how each droplet slowly slides down her foot, how it caresses her skin? That could be sweat. That could be your sweat dripping down her legs. You wanna see that don't you?"

Why was I uneasy about this plan? This idea is seeming better and better all the time.  I think I get it now, Ivar just pointed out to me what my real motivation should be. I can't believe I was willing to forgo this beautiful creature because I suddenly got cold feet. Variety is the spice of life, right?  It's okay to switch up a plan every once in a while, especially if she's going to be my payoff. 

I can't take my eyes off of her. I want her. "I wonder what she smells like."

"Fear." Just the feeling of Ivar's breath on my neck as he whispers to me makes me groan. God. Do we have to wait? Why can't we just invite her over now? "And imagine what she tastes like."

It's almost too much to take. This woman is the most sensual thing I've ever laid eyes on. I could devour her right now, in broad daylight, and not think twice about it. Before I realize it, one of his hands is on mine and his grip is pulling it off of the door handle. His other arm is around my waist and I can feel him tightening his hold around me. Never before has the need been this severe. If he hadn't been here, I would have gone outside. 

Just that quickly, I lost control.

The sound of my moaning gets her attention and suddenly the spray from the hose stops. She's looking at us. Those big, bright eyes are fixed right on me and she smiles. She wants me, just as much as I want her. Her smile makes me smile. I know I must look like an idiot standing in the doorway grinning at this beautiful ball of innocence, but I'm entranced.

As soon as I see her hand come up in a wave, I don't know what to do. They always make contact with Ivar first, not with me, but from his position behind me, I don't think she can see him. What the fuck am I supposed to do?  

Out of instinct, I look over at him for help. I'm not good with personal interactions with them. I can't talk to them until they're tied up and filled with fear. Until I have the upper hand, the ones I need, scare the shit out of me. "What do I do?" I try to keep my lips as still as possible as I ask him the stupidest question on earth.

There's mirth in his voice, but his hand gently kneads the back of my neck to calm me. "Wave back."  His voice is gentle and low as he coaxes me through this extremely awkward interaction.  

Why didn't I think of that? God, this fucking stupid. But with that simple gesture, she sits the hose on the grass and walks across her lawn to ours. Now standing at the bottom of our stairs, she looks up at me and I swear my breath catches in my throat.  "Hi,"  I can't believe she spoke. Her voice is beautiful. Even if she screamed I wouldn't mind, it's so angelic.

I can feel Ivar's hand tightening around the back of my neck, silently encouraging me to speak to her. "Hey." I don't have a problem talking to Thora or my brother, for that matter, but everybody else? I'm not good at it, like he is. This is why he's the front-man. This is why he makes the introductions because he's charismatic. I'm awkward. I'm nervous.  I'm all unsure of myself. Hell, I'd be scared of me.

"Were the cookies from you?" She places one foot on the bottom step and rests her weight on her opposite leg. Her yoga pants accentuate her toned legs as she balances her weight on that leg.

Shaking my head, I cut my eyes to Ivar to get some direction. "Tell her, yes." My Cyrano de Bergerac. He's now concealed himself in the shadow created by the back door. Quietly coaching me, he's going to make sure we get her.

After shaking my head no, I suddenly start to nod. The confusion dances on her face and quickly turns into a wide smile followed by a giggle. "Well, which is it? Yes or no?" Please don't laugh at me. I don't like when people laugh at me. But, if I stand a chance at having her, I can't tell her or it'll scare her away.

"Both," I stammer. "He baked 'em." She doesn't say anything, but I know she doesn't have a clue what the fuck I'm talking about. I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about. I can see the question dance in her beautiful eyes. "M-my brother. I um…I helped. Ate mostly…b-but, yeah. I helped."

Nodding in understanding, she places one hand on her elevated leg to swat at a fly. "Tell him, thank you. They were delicious." The sound of the car approaching makes her turn her head and by the time it turns back to me, she's grinning from ear to ear.

"Invite them out tomorrow night." I don't want to. This is his thing. I find them, he gets them. But for some reason, he's not doing his part. Ivar's changing the rules and I don't know what to do about it. "Trust me, Serk. You're doing fine," his whisper is still so calm and soothing.

I look past her, at the car now pulling into her parking pad. A large man with muscular arms leans out of the window and smiles. I don't say anything as he gets out of the car and starts to walk to where she's standing. She's just as fascinated by him as I am. He's so much bigger than me, so much stronger. But even being as built as he is, he gently slips an arm around her waist and looks up at me with clear eyes and gives me a smile that rivals hers. My attention is split between them. A second ago I didn't think I could want anything or anyone more than I want her. Now I'm not so sure. 

I can almost taste them both.

With her, it's about her beauty. Him? It's about his strength. I know I need to feed the feeling in me. But it's more than that with them. I want to take a piece of them and it has nothing to do with the twisting and churning in my stomach. They would fill a piece of my soul.

"Honey, um…" She looks at me with hopeful eyes and I draw a complete blank.

Ivar's chuckle is almost audible to them, but he keeps his voice just low enough that only I can hear it. "Tell her your name."

For as much as I'm salivating, my tongue feels dry and too large for my mouth. My palms are sweaty and I'm shaking.  “Um, you can just call me, Fitz.”

Her smile makes the dizziness go away. "Fitz and his brother made the cookies." She leans back against his chest and bats her happy eyes at me. There are so many things I want to see in those eyes. I want to see what they look like when she's afraid. I want to see my reflection in them while I'm on top of her. I want to see tears pooled inside of them. Maybe when we're done I'll ask Ivar to save them for me. I swear I could look at those eyes forever.

"Thanks, man. That was really decent of you." He leans down and places a kiss on her neck. He's in control. I can tell because she looks at him like I look at Ivar. I can't wait to have that control over both of them. "My wife was nervous about moving out here, and not knowing anyone... especially since I work all the time. But those cookies made her feel at home." He squeezes her tighter and looks up at me.

"Now." I hear Ivar's voice and I feel unsteady on my feet. His hand on the small of my back helps me keep my balance. Maybe I could talk if my heart was pounding like it is.

All I can muster is nod. And he nods back before taking her hand and leading her back across the way to their house. "Hey?" I bark the question still not knowing where my voice is coming from. My eyes close on their own because I don't want to see that look on their faces when I fuck this up. "Would you, um…tomorrow…want to go out? Drinks…no, uh…party. Show you some cool things we, um, we like to do here?" Shit. I feel like an idiot. Why couldn't Ivar do this? He knows what he's doing. I, on the other hand, am fucking this up.

If Ivar's hand wasn't on my back I swear I would turn and close the door in their faces. I want them but I can't take the rejection. The flashes of light are starting again. I'm getting sick.

"That sounds like fun. Around nine?" Her sweet voice saves off my nausea. Nodding in confirmation she flashes that smile at me and I see his face light up because she's happy. As they head back to the safety of their house, I can finally breathe.

As soon as I close the door the tears start in my eyes and Ivar's arms are around me. "I'm so proud of you."  His smile lights up his entire face, and he has the brightest glimmer in his eyes.

"Why?"

His fingertips wipe the tears that escape before he lovingly strokes my cheek. "Because you needed your confidence back." He's so sure of me. I can't disappoint him. I don't want to disappoint him. And more importantly, I don't want to disappoint myself.

"I want them."

"And you can have them. They're yours, baby. Anything you want; it's yours." He's right. Ivar just gift-wrapped them for me. Tomorrow will be a night that we will never forget. It's my first time stepping into the spotlight and I have to admit, I'm a little excited about that feeling. It was scary as hell, but I did it. If I could feel this good with that one triumph, I can't even imagine what tomorrow will bring.

I need to get ready - it's party time.

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[randomoranges]

drag meeting au part 5

--

 Étienne whistled as he placed the plated bagels onto his tray and then walked to his kitchen table where Emma, his long time best friend, was sitting waiting for him for their regular, bi-monthly brunch. He unloaded the tray of the two glasses of smoothie, the plate of fruit, the parfaits, the bagels and the accompanying spreads and only noticed that his friend was giving him the most peculiar of looks after he was seated.

 “You’re whistling – what gives, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you whistle before.” She squinted her eyes at him as if trying to discern what was out of place with this picture, but Étienne laughed it off and handed her a plate instead.

 “What’re you on about, Ems, I always whistle.”

 Emma looked at him, completely calling him out on his obvious bullshit, “As if. I’ve known you since I was born. You’ve never whistled. Something’s up. Spill – tell me all the gossip.”

 Étienne rolled his eyes, but settled in as if to tell her. After all, Emma was his oldest and dearest friend. His ride or die and his greatest confident, (perhaps second to none to his sister, but that was a different matter.) He had actually known her since her birth. His parents and her parents had been university friends and when they had children, they had made both Étienne and Emma play together. However, with time, an actual real friendship had blossomed and now they were close to inseparable.

 “Who say’s there’s gossip?” Étienne asked her as he started adding a generous amount of cream cheese to his bagel.

 Emma cackled and leaned closer, “Oh, there definitely is gossip now, Maisonneuve. You never hold out, so spill.” She grinned like a loon and tapped her hands chanting for the news and finally, Étienne relented, before his upstairs neighbour complained about the noise.

 “Imetsomeone,” He said quickly and quietly.

 Emma dropped her spoon with a clatter once the words untangled themselves and registered in her head.

 “Hang on – met someone as in met someone, or made a new friend met someone?”

 “Don’t be stupid, Emma. Met someone as in met someone. Happy now?”

 Emma’s grin only grew wider as Étienne’s cheeks turned the absolute loveliest shade of red. She was very happy indeed. For as long as she had known Étienne (and that was all her life), she could count exactly on one hand the number of times he had gotten this flustered over meeting someone. This was a monumental occasion. An event worth of the history books, really, and she was here to get the full scoop.

 “Do tell, Maisonneuve. I am all ears.”

 Étienne sighed once more and decided that the best course of action was to tell her everything. She would be insufferable until he did otherwise.

 “We met at a café a while back – and then we ran into each other yesterday again – and I asked her out. Happy now?”

 “No.” She stated, point blank. “You met her at a café? Also her? This is serious then. This isn’t your usual fuck buddy pickup at a bar or a club. Should I be worried? Do we need to make reservations at the church? Have you proposed yet? Can I be your best maid?” She teased and Étienne balled up his napkin and threw it at her.

 “Be serious!” He reprimanded.

 “Okay, okay, I am – jeez. All right, you met at a café and you have a date next week. When were you even last on a date? When were you even going to tell me?”

 Étienne fell quiet as he thought about it. It – had been a while. There’d been sex and his fuck buddies he liked to pick up at bars and clubs, as Emma called them, even though some of them had been cute waiters and waitresses from the other cafés and restaurants he frequented, but an honest to God date? Probably a few years back, really.

 Dating required time and patience. Dating required – effort and some type of commitment. Dating wasn’t really his scene – not when he was more often after sex than an actual relationship. He let those happen naturally, whereas he actively looked for sex. He was very well aware that he could have both together, but – sometimes, he really just wanted to get off with someone else. Plus, he liked the idea of variety – of figuring out how other people worked. What excited them and such. He wasn’t a believer of sex being this thing that was reserved for one person and one person only or whatever some people liked to believe. There was a whole wide world out there, why limit himself to one person only?

 But that was a whole other story.

 “You said she’s a she? What’s she like?”

 Étienne let out a happy little sigh at that and a completely and utterly besotted look came across his face, much to Emma’s amusement, who only wished she had her phone nearby.

 “Ems, she’s soooo pretty, I can’t!” He said, another dreamy sigh escaping from his lips as he plucked at a piece of cantaloupe off his plate. “Like – she looks amazing and she has such an air of confidence about her. It’s like a perfect balance of hot meets beautiful. But it’s not just her looks – I really feel like we clicked. She’s smart and funny! God, I don’t remember laughing so much with someone I just met. We spent hours talking about literally anything. We were just going from one subject to another without any awkward pauses or whatever. It was so nice. I don’t know – it’s hard to describe, but – I don’t remember feeling that way with anyone in a long time; you’d like her too, she has sass and kick.” He smiled softly as he leaned on his propped up arm, lost in his own thoughts about Kate.

 This time, it was Emma who whistled (low), “Damn, you really like this girl; should I be worried?” She joked

 Étienne rolled his eyes, but took her hand in his, “Never. No matter what happens between me and her, nothing’ll ever come between us.” He meant it with every fibre of his soul and she knew it oh so well.

 “Love you too, you idiot.” She said, smiling back at him. She squeezed his hand and didn’t let go for a while longer.  

--

PREVIOUS: IV CURRENT: V NEXT: VI

[mechagalaxy]

John T Mainer 28840: Care and Feeding of a Penner

Care and Feeding of a Penner

Much is said about the overwhelming superiority of the Novum. A 25ton creation of the long lost adversaries of the Forerunners, its ressurection by the mad genius Tory has been the talk of Mecha Galaxy as its has quickly proven to be the deadliest mecha under fifty tons in human controlled space. It hits harder and faster than anything mankind or the Forerunners ever created. While this was the pinnacle of mecha potential in the light class of mecha, it took the genius of one of Mecha Galaxy's greats to create its dark mirror, a super heavy with the same brutal elegance and synergistic amplification of effect that the Novum produces.

The late Mark Penner of Omega and Zeon fame was ahead of the curve of technology, for his vision of the future of Ultra Heavy mecha required elements that did not yet exist. His death caused those notes and designs he had already assembled to fall into the hands of the Craftsmen. What was beyond the Forerunners, what remained beyond humanity, was not beyond them. Building upon his genius, they made his design possible, and what is more replicateable.

The Penner is not for junior pilots. Its machine intelligence was taken from a mirror of Mark Penner taken in the heat of one of his extended defenses in King of the Mountain. The mind of one of the elite pilots of Mecha Galaxy in a situation in which there are no friendlies, and everything that moves or stays still suspiciously is a valid target and there are no bystanders (ANN and Galaxy Gathering reporters have learned to arrive in mecha or leave in baggies filled by weight). This is not a pirate hunting machine, not a careful and strategic Clan War competitor, this is a berserker with chainguns for hands and enough targeting sensors and EM/ECM/ECCM feeds to overwhelm all but the most experienced and mentally balanced pilots with the flood of kill urge and target information.

Lets have a look at what this beast brings to the table before being equipped. Fully developed the Penner brings the following to the table.

Critical kill 10% 1.3x 30% 1.5x 30% 2x 30% 3x 30% Projectile +98% Precision 12 Dodge 6 Shield 150 Reflect 14% Med Bot 4

Cockpit slots 8 Chassis slots 7 Engine slots 8 Shield slots 6 Weapons every 2.5 levels

For members of the 300 club, this is a Dakka factory, you resemble an NRA wet dream where every free surface mounts a gun, targeting sensor or ammo bin. For members of the 400 club, you look like a Dakkagasm, a being entirely composed of gun mounts and red burning eyes above a howling and hungry mouth, a back swollen with a backpack composed of cellular ammunition storage tanks like missile silos, whose massive weight is required not just to hold the huge ammunition requirements of 110 tons of walking cannon, but to keep the mecha from falling face first as the mass of cannons on its front make it somewhat tippy.

This is the only machine in Mecha Galaxy that is designed to be stable ONLY when firing. The Penner is only happy when it is shooting high mach level guass rounds of various calibers, spraying death in front of it and brass casings behind; it is also only balanced when several tons of recoil are compressing the huge buffer systems, simultaneously powering its amplifiers and correcting its innate tendency to tip forward.

The recoil buffers are Penner's true genius. Unlike traditional systems that try to bleed off the recoil energy, keeping only a fraction to power the ammunition feeds of the guns themselves, the Penner absorbs rather than channeling into backblast. Every cannon cocker from the Imech to the Dreadnought or Justicar vents the backblast of the explosives of the initiating charge and plasma from the guass acceleration out the back to balance the recoil forces of the multiple foot-tons of force produced by the 90 point plus base damage weapons of the more potent cannons. The Penner does not. The Penner absorbs all that force into its niode-crystal torsion matrix, where the induced torsion of the crystal produces an energy that can be returned to the gun systems to amplify the discharge power by several magnitudes. Anyone who has been on the receiving end of one of these 1.3x 1.5x 2x 3x damage stacking blasts can tell you just how much of a game changer this is. A potato armed Penner can knock a Reaper on its ass.

Why hasn't anyone tried this before? Well Evil Santa pulled it off with his elves, and on Charon IV the Clark Federation attempted it. The low grade nuclear explosion that took out their research station on that world was the last attempt to use this technology. Without active energy matrix stabilization, the torsion-crystal energy absorption system has a tendency to fail catastrophically, leaving a thirty meter crater. The AI in the Penner instinctively balances the energy field in the crystal torsion matrix, allowing the niode core to channel all the power into the weapon charging systems seamlessly, balanced to supercharge rather that fry the guass accelleration systems of cannons, and to a lesser extent focusing elements of laser and plasma systems, magnetic launch assist for missiles and ice nano weapons.

Side effects of the energy absorbtion system are noted in the Penners defensive statistics. The recoil compensation system functions by absorbing incoming energy and channeling it back. This translates into a built in energy reflection rate of 14% and shrugs off the first 150 points of any hit as just a mild aid in keeping the mecha from tipping forward. Negative side effects of the system are that it does limit the amount of external shielding modules the system can employ (only six units at maximum development) and the extensive threading of the limbs with the linked buffer systems somewhat limit the chassis augmentation, with a maximum of seven units at full development.

The need to stop your Penner from slaughtering everything including your own command occupies a lot of the Penner pilots neural bandwidth. At low levels of development this imposes a -25 speed penalty. It should be noted that this is far less severe than having a contract on your life issued by the major governments of the land because you wiped out a shopping complex because your Penner detected a camera phone range finder and leveled a quarter acre of mall in reaction. As your Penner develops, a total of eight cockpit modules are able to link to the AI to help deal with the information overload and somewhat moderate the insane kill urge of the Penner to usable levels. Outside of the direct benefits of the cockpit modules themselves, this has the side effect of returning +23 of the -25 speed lost to the requirement to keep the gun loving fun machine from going full berserker outside the safety of King of the Mountain, the only true free fire zone in Mecha Galaxy.

Like the Novum, the speed of the Penner has to be seen to be believed. Everyone knows the Novums are insanely fast, but like the Penner their technical speed is only part of the truth of their functional speed. Both these designs grow guns at insane rates. The Penner grows guns at a rate of one per two and a half levels. Two guns per five levels. Forty guns per hundred levels, as opposed to twenty for the Surt or 33 for Specter or Xango. With eight engine amplifiers possible at full development, and growing more guns per level than any other mecha in its weight class the Penner has an overwhelming likelihood of firing first. Given its huge damage stacking capacity, and built in critical kill, even before any of its cockpit, chassis and engine system bonuses are added, the ability to fire first freqently makes the Penner's first shot the last of any exchange.

Downsides of owning a Penner. Look there is no way of getting around this, a Penner is top heavy. Watching a high level Penner advance is like watching Jessica Rabbit jog. There is a whole lot of motion up front, and the arms are carried high and way out to the side to prevent loss of balance. The Penner wiggles its ample ass at the run as well, to counteract the huge momentum of the weapon heavy arms and cannon bristling torso. On battlefield manover drills it is like watching a particularly well endowed stripper run without a sports bra. It is only saved from being ridiculous by the memory of seeing the same machine at full charge with arms and grinning death's head holding dead level as its body ran over dead Notas and Boreas like a steeple chase runner, with every muzzle dripping flame and a flow of steel connecting it to victims downrange that was so thick you could walk across it and never touch a molecule of air.

The Penner is expensive to own and feed. Its equipment is either niode or barely noticeable. There are almost no crystal options worth having. There is a very limited variety of equipment available in this weight class, so limits hit quickly. Its ammunition bill is terrifying, but so far in Mecha Galaxy, there has never been a beast this deadly.

My first sits about 325, doesn't have any of the fancy Vortex equipment, and still gives the following equipped performance. Some of the 400 club can swat it with theirs as it swats lesser mecha, so that weapon every 2.5 levels means this beast rewards advancement with advantage more than any other mecha in the game.

Laser Damage + 12%

Proj. Damage + 98%

Speed + 99

1.3X Damage 60%

1.5X Damage 30%

2X Damage 65%

3X Damage 77%

Reflect 14%

Med-Bot (9)

Crit-Kill 32%

Dodge (72)

Precision (104)

Shield (509)

Splash Shield 49%

Wide Fork Shield 34%

Fork Shield 23%

Laser Shield 25%

Missile Shield 29%

Ice Shield 6%

Fire Shield

Proj. Vulnerable 15%

Fire Vulnerable 2%

Class: Penner

Weapons: 142

John T Mainer 28840

[pally356]

Quick Review of Sega Genesis Classics

So a massive collection of Genesis games came out a few months go. So I want to give a brief take on all the games of this collection. Brace yourself, we’re in for a long haul. Alex Kidd in Enchanted Castle: I grew up playing this game, but I have to say, it has not aged well. Its not as good as Alex Kidd in Miracle World. It has its charm with the items, but the actual platfrming and attacking is a bit wonky. I wont say its bad, but there better games in this collection (2.5/5) Alien Soldier I...haven’t played this game yet.....so, no grade Alien Storm Another port of an arcade game. This port sadly lost some of the content from the Arcade version, but i still dig it as a quick little arcade port. I like the changes in the game play (switching from a general beat-em up to a FPS gallery, to a side scrolling shooter). Its a bit short, and can be a bit challenging, but honestly, its pretty decent. 3/5 Altered Beast Oh Altered Beast....so infamous. This was a pack in release title for the genesis, and it definitely shows. Very short, barely any replay value. I still like it...in a cheesy sort of way. You can beat it in like 15 minutes if you know what you’re doing. 2/5 Beyond Oasis This is a pretty good action/adventure game that has some nice gameplay similar to Streets of Rage. Also, Yuzo Koshiro does the music...but IMO its not his best word. Definitely a fun title. 4/5 Bio-Hazard Battle Haven’t played this yet either... Columns A challenging puzzle game that is once again an arcade port. It is pretty basic though with only a few variations of game modes, and no “Vs. Computer” option. Not to say its bad, but its very bare bones. 3/5 Columns III Having a Vs. Computer mode for this game was a great idea...in practice. Playing it is very slow paced and matches can take a long time. It does have up to 5 players which is cool...but im not sure if thats even possible now. None-the-less, too little too late. 2/5 Comix Zone. Now we get onto the heavy hitters. This is a creative action game where you’re literally playing through a comic book. Its brutally hard though, but rewarding. IF you can get past the difficulty curve, you’re in for a good time 4/5 Crack Down Shoot enemies, stop bombs. Rinse, repeat. Another arcade port. Its a bit ambitious for its time, but a bit too repetitive at times. Not bad, not good IMO. 2/5 Decap Attack A unique platformer that sadly got Americanized with its localization. Instead of a cutesy platformer, you get this horror themed game. I never quite got into it, but honestly its not abad game. Its probably just the theme that I never liked. If you can get past that, you will find a decently unique platformer. 3/5 Dr. Robotnik’s Mean Bean Machine The game that introduced me to Puyo Puyo. I love Puyo Puyo. This game however is frustrating because of its difficulty. A shame considering that Puyo Puyo is a fun series. Considering that there are multiple puyo puyo games other places (Puyo Puyo Tetris comes to mind) I can only recommend this one mildly. 3/5 Dynamite Heady Another creative platformer. This game is challenging, but its also very fun and has catchy music. This one gets a high recommendation because of its uniqueness. 4/5 ESWAT: City Under Siege Rather than porting the Rolling Thunder like arcade game, we get an original game thats a platformer. Its not bad, but it can get pretty hard at times. You have to utilize the weapons that you have to effectively beat it. Challenging, a bit short, but still worth playing IMO. 3.5/5 Fatal Labyrinth An often overlooked Rogue-Like RPG that can be unintentionally hilarious at times. Its simple, a bit difficult, but imo fun. Be prepared to die...alot! 3/5 Flicky Another arcade port...a cutesy one at that. Simple, harmless, and not much else to be said about it. 3/5 Gain Ground Hey, another arcade port. One thats pretty unique too. You have to be strategic with how you are going to go through each level with your characters. Not too bad to be honest. 3/5 Galaxy Force II I love this game...in the arcade (or on 3DS). On genesis however...not so much. This is a very bad port that waters down everything from the speed, the graphics, and the music. If anything play it on 3DS and skip this one. 1/5 Golden Axe An arcade port that actually ADDs to the game with a few extra levels. Its a decent port, but having that extra stuff makes it a bit better IMO.  4/5 Golden Axe II More of the same, but with a few better graphics and music. While the arcade was reveling in the awesomeness that was Golden Axe: The Revenge of Death Adder, we sadly got this game that couldn’t measure up to it.  3/5 Golden Axe III Add more characters, and change the formula. Good way to try keep the formula fresh...at least on paper. But in practice, it was bland, ugly, and just not good. 1/5 Gunstar Heroes This could be said as Sega’s answer to Contra, and it definitely shows. In your face action, fast paced greatness. Its challenging, but rewarding, and definitely one of the best games in the collection. 5/5 Kid Chameleon This game is very divisive. Its an interesting platformer that has alot of secrets traps, and frustration. Its long (unless you know what you’re doing). Some like it, some dont. Im one of the few that like it and its brutality, but I can understand why people dont like it. 3/5 Landstalker Climax made this game, and you can tell because it has alot of the things that make it like Shining Force. And so far, I dig it. No grade yet. Light Crusader Haven’t played it yet   Phantasy Star II This game...hasn’t aged well. I really like it. I think it has a great story, but has not aged well. Somewhat grindy at parts, and the third act can be very slow. If you can get past these parts, its a great JRPG. But mileage may vary.  *notice: If playing on PC, try to find a modernization patch through the steamworkshop that’ll fix those issues* 3/5 Phantasy Star III: Generations of Doom Great on paper with the generation system that essentially makes possible multiple endings, but everything else is bland and confusing. The weakest of the series none-the-less. 2/5 Phantasy Star IV: The End of the Millenium HOLY CRAP, without question one of the best RPGs on Genesis. This game would fully be appreciated if you played PS, and PSII, but even so, its a great game with an excellent story, great music. The total package...and considering how much this game cost on Genesis (up to $100!) you’re getting a great deal. 5/5 The Revenge of Shinobi IMO, one of the original killer apps for Genesis. Great action, excellent Yuzo Koshiro soundtrack, and overall great package. Some of the controls are a bit stiff, but overall well worth it. 4/5 Ristar Another unique platformer that I feel kinda got forgotten about. Its very creative, and has alot of fun moments. A bit slower than something like Sonic, but still very fun. 4/5 Shadow Dancer: The Secret of Shinobi Not a direct sequel to Revenge of Shinobi, but more of a side story. Plays more arcadey like classic Shinobi. One hit and your dead. Might be a bit of a turn off, but the challenge is balanced. Not as good as Revenge, but still good IMO. 4/5 Shining Force If Phantasy Star filled the traditional RPG niche for Genesis, then Shining Force filled in the strategy RPG niche, and it did it darn well. Simple strategic gameplay, but still deep enough strategy to be challenging. A great start for a series that sadly has gone by the wayside. 4/5 Shining Force II More of the same with Shining Force one, but in my opinion a bit more balanced and better.  If you enjoyed the game above, you’ll enjoy this one even more. 5/5 Shining in the Darkness Another traditional JRPG on this collection. The plot is very simple and the gameplay is pretty basic for a dungeon crawler RPG, but the charm is there with the characters and the art of the game. 4/5 Shinobi III: Return of the Ninja Masters The pinnacle of the Shinobi series. The gameplay is vastly improved from Revenge of Shinobi, adding in new moves, and stage variety (surfing on a jet board). The music rocks. Definitely one of the best games on the collection.  5/5 Sonic the Hedgehog The game that started the Blue Blur craze is still one of the best. Laid the foundation for a (2D) series that made fans out of many people. 4/5 Sonic the Hedgehog 2 Took everything that made Sonic 1 great, and made it twenty times better. More levels, a new companion, and....a halfpipe bonus stage. YUCK. Regardless, a great sequel. 5/5 Sonic Spinball More of an experimental phase for sonic. This game is decent, but frustrating and short. Not the best of the experimental phase, but you could do much worse. 3/5 Sonic 3D Blast If this were the saturn version, I would have rated it higher (for the better bonus stages, graphics, and music) but sadly, you get the bland version in the collection. Its not a bad game, but is a bit boring taking away the speed from past games.  2/5 Space Harrier II We didn’t get a proper port of Space Harrier on consoles until 32X, so instead we got this sequel, which isn’t as good as the first game, but IMO still has some memorable bosses.  It runs a bit slower and is a bit short. Then again this was a launch title. 3/5 Streets of Rage Sega’s answer to Final Fight with some kickin tunes by Yuzo Koshiro. This game started the series with some good gameplay, but definitely had some annoying enemies (I’m looking at you Mona and Lisa!). Still a good start to the series. 4/5 Streets of Rage 2 Taking everything that was great about the first game, and making it better. Though im sad they got rid of the car attacks. This game has smoother gameplay with some tweaked fighting engine. 5/5 Streets of Rage 3 IMO best game in the series...if you’re playing the Japanese version (which you can do, but untranslated). But if its the american version, its a good game thats frustratingly difficult because of its American restrictions and difficulty tweaking. Its sad because this game plays very well other than those issues. 3/5 (American), 5/5 (Japanese) Super Thunder Blade The infamous Super Thunder Blade. SLow, clunky, and with a second level that is infamous for being brutally hard. I have owned this game in the past (still do I believe), and believe it or not, its not the worst game ive played. Its not as bad as people make it out to be, but still not good. 2/5 Sword of Vermillion UGH. A great soundtrack can’t help this slouch of a game. Slow paced, battle system thats confusing and bland, and just not a fun game overall. 1/5 ToeJam & Earl This quirky game is a very fun co-op rogue-like game. Its simple to learn, but mastering it is crucial to going through the brutal upper levels. Its hilarious, fun, and definitely memorable. 4/5 ToeJam & Earl 2: Panic on Funkatron Still haven’t had the chance to play this one yet... Vectorman For the time I thought this game had great graphics and fast paced gameplay. Its got a good challenge too. Its too bad we only got 2 games in this series, because I feel like a new game would be welcome. Nevertheless, I think this game is worth checking out. 4/5 Vectorman 2 More or less the same as Vectorman 1, but a bit more polished. So if you liked the first one, you’ll like this one. 4/5 Virtua Fighter 2 *breathes* I love Virtua Fighter 2. This is NOT Virtua Fighter 2. Why even port this game on Genesis. The hardware cant handle it. making a 3d fighter a 2D fighter is a bad idea. Furthermore, it doesn’t even have the 2 new characters, so why is this even VF2. Its more like VF1.5...and thats being generous. AVOID AT ALL COSTS! 0/5 Wonder Boy III: Dragon’s Lair I have mixed feelings on this game. I feel like they tried to take classic wonder boy (SMS), and make it a side scrolling shooter. If you were expecting a true sequel to Wonder boy in Monster Land, you’d be disappointed. That being said, its not a bad game, but definitely a disappointment considering what we should have gotten (Dragon’s Trap) 2.5/5 Wonder Boy in Monster World A true Gem of a Genesis game. Has a few issues with its attack structure, and its also been Americanized (Last Boss is unnecessarily harder because of a conveyer belt) but still one of the better games on Genesis. Sadly we didn’t get Monster World IV which is just as good, if not better, than this game. 4/5

*Note: The Wonder Boy games are oddly absent on the Switch version. Notable Omissions: Sonic 3 & Knuckles From what I hear its because of the Michael Jackson music samples. Regardless, the omission of this game is a shame because its probably (IMO) the best in the series. Ecco the Dolphin and Ecco 2: The Tides of Time Another series that kinda went by the wayside, these games were kind of a staple of the Genesis. Challenging, yet very unique in gameplay and story. Just...leave Ecco Jr out of this. Thats about it. If i can think of anymore stuff, I’ll add it onto this collection.

[acomplexjourney]

Emergency Medicine

I’m all done with my emergency medicine rotations! For emergency medicine, I left Elmira to go to a small community hospital in Western New York. There, I spent the majority of the time working one-on-one with the ER doc covering the 10-bed emergency room, or was in my room studying or sleeping. I learned a lot, in a large part thanks to the fact that almost every patient let me evaluate them before the doctor came in. I will always be grateful to these patients and their families for allowing me to learn from them. Here are five things I liked, and five things I didn’t like about emergency medicine.    

5 things I liked

-Seeing a lot of medical ailments I had never seen before. As a medical student, I had the benefit of seeing many acute diseases and injuries that commonly come into the emergency room- acute coronary syndrome, pneumonia, abdominal pain, lacerations, drug overdoses, psych patients, and more! Hopefully by seeing these patients as a student, I will be able to more accurately diagnose and treat similar cases in the future.

-EM has a great lifestyle. The popularity of emergency medicine as a medical specialty has exploded in the last few years. ER docs typically work a fixed number of shifts per month and rarely have to stay late or finish up paperwork at home. This in contrast to other specialties in which physicians often spend 10-20 hours a week outside of their clinic hours on paperwork and administrative tasks. 

-Providing a lot of healing in a short amount of time. ER docs are very good at stabilizing acute medical conditions and providing effective pain relief. I’ll never forget the first patient I saw with a kidney stone. He was a 50 year old male curled up in the fetal position on the hospital gurney, writhing in pain. Shortly after the patient received a dose of IV Toradol, I walked back into his room to check on him. I almost apologized for walking into the wrong room because I literally did not recognize the patient. He was now calmly sitting in his gurney with his glasses on and his hair combed. That was definitely a patient encounter I will not forget.  

-Practicing procedures. In the ER, medical students have opportunities to practice a variety of medical procedures including starting IVs, helping with EKGs, and suturing lacerations. Suturing my first laceration in the ER was both a terrifying and exhilarating experience. A man came in with an “L” shaped laceration on his forearm, about 1-2 inches in length. “This one is perfect for you to do,” the ER doc told me. I was relieved to see it was a relatively small laceration, but that didn’t stop my hands from trembling as I set up my suturing materials. Fortunately, the patient and his fiancée didn’t notice. Once I got started, however, my muscle memory kicked in, I calmed down, and I actually enjoyed putting four stitches in to close the wound. Needless to say, the patient did not enjoy the experience as much, but I think I did a decent job controlling his pain and he did thank me when I finished.  

-The ER docs. I really liked all of the ER doctors I worked with. Within the first five minutes of meeting all of them, I got a sense that they were good, kindhearted people and that I was going to have a good shift with them. There was the doc who insisted on playing all of his “most played songs of 2018” one day on his portable speakers, everything from hip hop to Canada’s national anthem (I guess one of his kids really likes the song). The doc who spent about an hour going over proper injection and suturing technique with me. And the doc with a very Italian-sounding last name who of course treated all of the staff for pizza at lunchtime.  

5 things I disliked

-Never finding out the final diagnosis for many patients. In the ER, the name of the game is stabilizing the patient. What are the things that immediately threaten this person’s life? Once those things are ruled out, the patient is then transferred, or discharged home for follow-up with their primary care doctor. I’ll always wonder about the 35 year old female with widespread hives that didn’t respond to IV Benadryl and steroids, the 40 year old male who was producing dark brown urine, and the 75 year old male with new-onset fatigue and widespread joint pain (Lyme disease titers came back negative).

-Long hours, having to work nights. One disadvantage of “shift work” in the ER is that a doc always has to cover the night shift. So in addition to the shifts often being 12-hours long, the idea of my sleep schedule being regularly disrupted when I am 50, 60-years old is not appealing to me.

-Emotionally taxing cases is the norm. In the short time I was in the ER, I had patient encounters every day that disturbed me. There were some really sad cases, such as the 55 year old female with stage IV pancreatic cancer and the 30 year old male who spent years in prison without ever receiving proper treatment for his broken shoulder. But then there were the cases in which I just felt like patients were trying to take advantage of us. Like the 30-year old female who was yelling in pain when we tried to slightly move her shoulder, but then waved that same arm furiously without any restriction when we asked her about her old Suboxone prescription. One of the older ER docs told me frankly one day that she “doesn’t feel anything when she’s at work anymore,” which definitely freaked me out a little bit.  

-Learning that you can’t blindly trust specialists. While I know that you should always think for yourself, I have realized that I do tend to automatically believe what attending physicians tell me, especially if he or she is a specialist. Observing one encounter between an ER doc and a cardiologist definitely changed that. The ER doc I was working with that day showed me one patient’s EKG that showed a tall T-wave, possibly indicative of an early myocardial infarction. When he showed me that EKG side by side with a previous one, I agreed that it was a possibility. When the cardiologist came down to help us, he took one quick glance at the EKGs and said, “there’s nothing there.” When the ER doc tried to explain to him the changes he thought he was seeing, the cardiologist was very dismissive, saying things like “you can’t pay attention to minutiae” and “if I showed this EKG to a room full of 100 cardiologists, all 100 cardiologists would agree with me!” Now I don’t know for sure which doctor was right, but I was horrified at the arrogance that this particular cardiologist showed. The reality is that doctors are human too. I will try to be more mindful of this going forward.

-How inefficient emergency rooms can be. Whether you go to the emergency room of a small community hospital or Mass General, you should expect to spend at least several hours there. Some of the wait time is unavoidable, since for example it takes “X” amount of time for most lab tests to process. But other things I feel like we could expedite. For example, there are several tasks that cannot occur until the doctor finishes his/her discharge summary. However, if the doctor is busy treating another patient with a more serious medical condition, obviously that would take priority. The idea of “customer service” in healthcare is challenging, because it is a much more complex field than many other industries. But hopefully, as time goes on, we will keep getting better at it. 

If you’d like to read more about efforts to improve the US healthcare system, I highly recommend this recent Quartz article about Dr. Atul Gawande. 

That’s all for now. Happy New Year everyone!