#and ive made so many great friends that have opened me up like some kind of oyster

[bionic-penis]

Erm !! Lil rant in da tags bc !! Erm !!

[my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction]

omg i really really love your blog<3 you are such a sweet person and so kind to all your followers and others on here and your writing is absolutely amazing!

i saw ur requests were open and i was wondering if you could write something for poe dameron? a hurt comfort because in your rules you said you wouldn't accept full angst which honestly is so real of you and i completely agree :D its just, ive read so many fics where poe's best friend or squadron member is either in love with him or fwb with him and he starts dating someone and they look rlly in love but then he leaves the person for the best friend and i cant help but always wonder how the person he left is feeling! and i was wondering if you could write something along the lines of this but he doesnt leave the reader and hes not really in love with his best friend or anything im so sorry this became really long but you can totally ignore this or say you cant do it its absolutely alright!<33

thank you sm though and i hope you have a good day!

Anon, thank you so much for such lovely and kind words! You are AMAZING! (Seriously, they have absolutely made my day/week/year!)

This ask has killed me (positive), my subconsciousness had a lot to say, it seems.

Tangerine, Tangerine

Poe Dameron x GN!Reader Rating: M Masterlist | ao3 | want to be tagged?

Warnings: angst (but with a happy ending), thoughts that a partner is cheating, blood, x-wing fight, swearing (not star wars swearing, because even though Kriff is great, I need to say fuck), Moonbeam as a nickname, typos, rail road sentences, please let me know if I’ve missed a warning!

Word Count: 4494

_______________________________________

It was just a kiss. It was just a kiss. It was just a kiss. 

You’d misunderstood, you’d read the situation wrong, you’d seen incorrectly. It was just a kiss. It was just a kiss. It was just a kiss. 

Your radio crackled, “Green Leader, checking in. We’re manoeuvring in 5. Call out.”

“Green Two check.”

“Green Three check.” 

 It was just a kiss. 

“Green Four check.” 

 It was just a-

“Green Five check.” 

Just a-

“Green Six check.” 

Just-

“Green Seven,” you swallow. “Check.” 

It wasn’t just a kiss. 

You patted your helmet twice and rolled your neck, breathing deeply as you settled in. On your left, you could see some of Blue Squadron. 

This mission was straightforward - on a holopad. 

Two teams to escort The Harbringer, the resistance supply ship. It had been damaged by a rogue blast from a tie fighter just as it jumped to hyperspace and had had to make an emergency landing on one of Tre’Ral’s desert moons. 

The crew on board had managed to fix all they could. But without proper materials, there was little chance of the ship making it out of the moon’s thick atmosphere and entering hyperspace. So Blue and Green Squadrons had been dispatched. Blue 1-4 had already made contact, jump-starting The Harbringer enough to get it airborne. 

Due to Tre’Ral’s sun and planet density, the gravity on the moons was a little stronger than most world’s atmospheric pressure. 

Green Leader, Sena, had repeated through briefing at how this would affect flying. How to be ready for it. And she hadn’t been wrong, it was different flying here. Tougher. And you loved it.

You’d grown up on Para, a planet with a high gravity density. You’d learnt to fly there well before you’d flown in space. Being here on this desolate moon almost felt like home. Your movements seemed smoother, precise. No longer needing to overcorrect for your naturally ingrained harsh movements. No longer spinning out and fighting low gravity, finally working with the tide. 

The manoeuvre would see the ships escort The Harbringer out of the moon’s atmosphere and then the rest of Blue squadron would form a sort of 3D star formation around the cargo ship. All jumping to hyperspace at the same time to carry it along with them. 

Simple. 

In theory. 

Everyone had spoken about how practically textbook it was, how easy. 

But then, of course, why was Green Squadron going? 

No one at the briefing had asked, why would they when the answer was so obvious. This part of the quadrant was teething with First Order. With a slow, busted supply ship you were all practically screaming for them to come and play target practice. 

You swallow. 

You should be focusing on that, on the mission. Instead of the utter nonsense that was ricocheting around your head and piercing your heart. 

I hadn’t just been a kiss. 

You and Poe had gotten together clumsily, three months ago, your normal awkwardness drowned out by so much Polanis Red that you almost couldn’t see straight. It had been after the battle of Hurthwen, a nasty dogfight that had everyone hyped up on adrenaline. 

He had been drunk when he kissed you, you remembered that. 

Maybe he had thought… maybe he had believed he was kissing her instead. 

It made a lot more sense. 

Sena was the Green Leader, she was a great pilot. One to be reckoned with. She was kind, she was fun, she was beautiful. She and Poe had joined the resistance together, risen the ranks together. Basically inseparable. Always laughing and joking. She had been in the same squad as Poe, under his command before she was promoted to leading one of her own. 

They had always been close. Always. Best friends. 

Sickness bubbled in your throat. 

You remembered Frizz and Hank talking offhandedly, well before you and Poe were a thing. Both of them sure that Sana and Poe were dating or ‘knocking boots’ as Frizz had so elegantly put it. 

“Two people can just be friends, you know.” You’d said, trying to hide your little crush on the commander. 

“Yeah,” Frizz laughed, “But not them. You seen them together?” 

Hank chortled. 

Nonsense. You’d brushed it off then. Allowed it to creep into your thoughts when it was dark and the base was quiet. When Poe’s breathing was soft and light behind you, his arm around your waist. 

Him and Sana just made a lot more sense than him and you. 

“Yeah, but not them. You seen them together?” 

Yeah. Now you had. 

The Harbringer came into view over the horizon. The seemingly endless stretch of desert was cut through in the distance by a fearsome outcrop of crocks, leading up into a field of formidable mountains. 

Blue 1-4 were already hooked up to the cargo ship, all five hoovering moving together as they flew towards you to meet. 

You wouldn’t have said things were difficult with you and Poe. Well, you wouldn’t have said that before. It was complicated for everyone on the base, most staff were on different call schedules, off-world or on a mission at all times. Having a relationship wasn’t straightforward. There were stretches where you wouldn’t even be on the same planet for days, but…

But you had thought it was…

It didn’t matter. 

You’d gone back to the briefing room, just before take off. You’d wanted to tap the main holoscreen twice, for luck. A little ritual you’d adopted early on. Most pilots were a superstitious bunch. 

That’s when you’d seen them. Sana and Poe. Locked in a tight embrace, their lips pressed together in a deep kiss. 

Your heartbeat had thundered so loud you’d been surprised they hadn’t heard it. But they’d been too preoccupied to notice your presence. 

It was cliche but time had almost slowed, calmed and stretched like the moment you take aim, the second before you fired your ship's canons. 

A flash of the control panel had flickered into your mind when you saw them, your fingers twitching as if you had the trigger in your hands. 

You’d turned and left without a sound. Without a word. Without letting them know you saw. Leaving them to… whatever they did next. 

Was it their first kiss? One of many? Had this been going on well before Poe had taken your hand and led you outside so he could clumsily name all the constellations, making up new ones and backstories to make you smile?

“That one here, you see it?” 

“Yeah?” 

“That one’s the best one, best in the sky. It’s orange and it’s right next to that other orange one, like they’re holding hands.”

You’d laughed. 

“That’s me and you Moonbeam.” 

Moonbeam. That stupid nickname. 

You’d gone to your room quickly, the one that you and Poe shared, and taken off the necklace he’d given you. 

“I want you to wear it for luck, Moonbeam.” 

That stupid smile he’d given you as he’d slipped it from his own neck and onto yours. That stupid kiss he’d given you after. You’d thought that expression was cute when you’d seen it, pure. Now it just seemed like he’d been laughing at you, playing some sick joke. ‘How long can I string someone along?’, ‘how far can I go before they realise it’s all pretend?’ 

You’d left the necklace with the ring slipped through on the small set of shelves in the corner, the one Poe normally kept his holopad on. 

It was idiotic, but your neck felt… empty without it. Cold. Every now and then you touched at where the chain normally lay.A subconscious action only brought to the forefront of your mind by the sensation of your own skin instead of metal. 

Something caught your eye in the distance, a flash of sunlight glinting off the horizon. Dread twisted in your stomach as realisation dawned a second earlier than your scanners. The extra gravitational pressure and high quantity of magnetic metals in the sand affected everyone’s ship computers, causing a brief information delay. 

Your alarm sounded out inside your ship, the radar blinking into life as tie fighters approached from the rock outcrop. They’d used the high mineral concentration to hide their energy signatures. 

“Fuck.” 

The radio screamed into life, orders out pouring over orders. Blue squadron rushed into position while Green scrambled. 

“Blue in place now!”

“It’s gonna be rushed, but we haven’t got a choice!”

“No time!” “Incoming!” “Green half split! Evens left, odds right, let’s keep those fighter’s off The Harbringer and Blue squadron! Gamma pattern!” 

“How far away is the Delta?” 

“Calling in attack pattern!” 

You swing to the right, falling in with Hank and Petal and bank hard, it takes less than a second for you to notice that your squad's movements aren’t as precise and well-timed as usual. The stronger gravity throwing everyone, except you, off their game. 

That didn’t bode well. 

You climb for a second, punching hard on the acceleration to get some height and a clear view of the oncoming and flick on your targeting system. The image glitches, doesn’t hold steady even as you focus. Off by half a fraction. 

Shots fire out from both sides, most missing.

“Targeting not working!”

“It’s out!”

“I can’t get a clear shot!” “The read is malfunctioning!”

“Half a click 4/8!” You shout, as you take your shot, hitting two tie fighters head-on. 

“Good shot Green 7!” You can hear the joy and relief in Sana’s voice. “Half a click 4/8, you’ll all have to manually adjust!” 

You dive, swirling around two fighters before skimming close to the ground, trying to draw their attention away from the cargo ship. You spin, slamming your control harder than you would need to in any other situation as you turn and spike past another fighter, taking out one in the process. 

“Wooooo!” Hank yells over the intercom.

You laugh. “Bet you never thought you wished you grew up on Para right?” 

“Every day new things surprise me.” He banks left, you right, Petal dives down. 

It’s too much of a rush, everything all at once, patterns and shots flying, your ship’s systems screaming as you push the engines a little too hard. 

The tie fighters aren’t moving as fast as they normally do, bogged down even more than the x wings by the gravity. They can’t make their normal quick turns and it’s affecting their strike patterns. 

Good. 

But there’s so, so many of them. 

Explosions fly debris out, and you climb higher. Needing a clear view and unable to rely on your targeting systems. 

More shots fly out, The Harbringer is taking a battering but so far its shielding is holding the hull together. 

The radio keeps screaming, overlapping voices that blur into background noise. You’re trained to only hear your call signal, direct messages. You vear off, narrowingly missing a blast to your wing. 

“-On my tail.” Frizz’s voice cuts through the noise, a sharp stab of dread slicing you open as you turn, automatically looking to the reader, it’s still not clear. 

You climb, twist, fall, see a Green ship, followed tightly by two fighters. Accelsorate, bank. You fire. You’re aiming in a panic now, not adjusting right, not breathing through. 

The shot hits one, before you have to swerve to avoid being struck head-on. 

“Thanks 7!” Cril yells over the speaker, managing to shake the other fighter. 

There’s a scream, a crackle of sound over the system. A sound you know too well. You see the ship crash into the desert, exploding before it even hits the ground as the a tie fighter’s shots hit home. 

Frizz.

“No…” 

“Check!” Sana yells, unable to tell who went down with the system glitching. “Green Leader!”

You swerve around another fighter, everything moving so fast, too fast.

“Green Two check!” Cril.

“Green Three check!” Petal. 

Nothing. 

“Green Four!” Sana yells. No call replies. Balna. Not Frizz. 

The momentary rush of relief at Frizz being alive is cut horribly short by the image of Balna’s kind face that bursts behind your eyes. 

You bank left, right, swerve, take aim, twist. 

There’s a chance, a good chance that you’ll win. All of Blue is in place, The Harbringer is moving up with them. The tie fighters are taking more hits than the resistance, their less aerodynamic design hampering them more than usual with this gravity. 

All you need is…

Another alarm. 

“Oh… fuck.” You slam on your intercom. “Z-Fighter!” 

A chorus of yells answer you. 

A Z-fighter, a quick moving ship a fraction bigger than The Harbringer, with two powerful front guns. A few shots would take the cargo ship out completely. 

And with how slow the supply ship was moving, that wouldn’t be hard. 

The Z-fighter storms in, moving fast but not firing, they were obviously having problems with their targeting too, needing a close clear shot. 

“Take out the main cannons!” Sana yells, the panic in her voice cutting through the chaos. You turn, aim, take out a tie fighter but have to veer up at the last second. Twist. 

Someone comes in after you, aiming for the cannons, a fighter clips their side and they can’t correct quick enough. They spiral off, their ship crashing into the Z-fighter. Obliterated on impact. The Z-fighter seemingly unaffected. 

You loop back, adrenaline blinding you to everything, anything that’s not the goal. Take out the canons. Take out the canons. People are counting on you. Take out the canons. 

You fire, a clear shot before you bank to the side to avoid a direct hit to your hull. 

It’s not enough.

You need to pass again, and again. Other x wings flying in, taking shots, the gravity making them slow, imprecise. Only one blast hits and it’s not full on.You’re the only one hitting directly and it’s not enough. 

It’s not enough. It’s not enough. It’s not enough.

There’s shouting and screaming, the zipping of the fighters as they cut through the sky. Someone yells your name and you don’t hear it. 

Another hit lands. One canon out. Only one left. You can do this. The Harbringer is nearly in the upper atmosphere, they can jump from there. Just a few more seconds. You can do this.

“Black Leader!” Poe’s call sign cuts over the dim, followed by the call signs of half of the Red Squadron.

They must have scrambled after first contact. 

The canon’s powering up, a quick glance to your panel tells you that The Harbringer’s shield is barely functioning. They won’t survive a direct hit. With how close they are and the Blue Squadron ships that are attached there’s no way they wouldn’t be pulled down too if The Harbringer fell. 

The canon needs more than one hit to take it down, more than five. No way you can shoot five times before they fire. 

You twist, full force. Pumping the acceleration. Fire. Fire. Fire. Three hit. You don’t slow down. Fire. Fire. Fire. They hit. The canon is still operational. 

Sana is screaming orders, so many shots fire at the canon, none of them hit right, hit full on. 

Two chances left. 

One to fire. If it takes out the canon you just have enough time to serve up, to avoid getting smashed to bits. 

Poe shouts for you over the intercom. 

You don’t answer.

One to fire. If it doesn’t take out the canon then… then you crashing into it head on will. 

Poe yells again, this time cutting over everyone else, sending you a direct call. 

You don’t answer.

You fire. Hit. 

Poe screams for you, his voice painful and panicked. He’s already worked out your plan before you had even thought of it. 

The canon doesn’t go down. 

You cut the call to him. Blocking out his signal. You don’t want Poe to think you did this for him. 

You don’t want him to think you did this because of him.

“Green Seven!” Sana yells, seemingly knowing what you’re going to do. 

Hank screams your name over the radio. It hurts. You think it’s the worst sound you’ve ever heard. 

“Moonbeam!” Poe’s voice is ripped raw from yells, Sana has patched him through over her signal. You were wrong. That was the worst sound you’ve ever heard. 

You dip at the last second, not hitting the canon straight on but smashing your right wing into it. The force surprises you, even though you braced for it. The impact sending you spiralling. You try to regain control, try to turn into the spin. Training taking over even though you're a wing and half a ship down. 

Shouts over the radio, you barely make out- 

“-cannon’s down-”

“-Jump!-”

A spark hits, your console explodes into flame, shards hit your side and you yell. Sky and sand tumbling over each other over and over, and you manage to hit the eject button.

The force rips you upwards, free briefly from your burning ship. But you’re too close to the floor, not enough time to slow down your velocity. There’s-

.

The impact of the ground hurts. Pain explodes along every nerve despite the ejection seat dampening. You scream. 

Agony is everywhere, everything. You can’t feel anything else, can’t comprehend anything except floods of pain. 

You hit your belt, falling out and to the desert floor. Looking up just enough to gauge where you are, where your ship fell. It’s an exploded, fireball mess far off. At least it’s not an immediate threat. You crawl to the side and sob. 

There’s blood falling into the sand from your head, the right side of your face. You can’t see properly out of your eye and your left leg is definitely broken. Shattered. Still, you drag yourself forward, digging your hands in and pulling as something ribs and tears in your side, warm liquid soaking into your fight suit. 

The resistance will jump to hyperspace, they’ll get out. They’ll make it. 

You just needed to get away from your ejection seat, when the First Order doubles back they’ll see it, they’ll see you. You just needed to get to an outcrop. Hide. 

Make it look like you had a weapon. 

Make them shoot you first instead of taking you for questioning. 

Can’t let them take you alive. 

There's the faint sound of a ship somewhere above, landing gear coming down. 

For a second you freeze, panic gripping your heart, you dig into the sand hard, pull, pull, pull  yourself closer towards the outcrop of rocks. The air seems to be leaving your lungs, your breathing ragged and hot. 

You cough, red hitting the dirt, iron hitting your tongue. 

You crawl, pull. The pain is making you light-headed. You gasp, trying to get in a full lung full of air. It's not enough. It's not enough. It's not enou…

.

When you open your eyes your first thoughts are simple. Clear. 

I'm dead.

You were either shot in the head in the sand or simply succumbed to your wounds. 

But then things begin to feel… fuzzy. Not painful, but not right either.

And that's when you smell the Bacta. And then the light starts to change to distorted shapes, and finally, you recognise Hank sitting next to you.

“You better not be dead too,” you whisper your voice dry from lack of use. 

Hank jumps up, goes to grab your hand and then stops himself. There are tears in his eyes. He softly places his fingers on yours and you squeeze back. 

“You're a fucking idiot you know that?” He grins and you laugh. Which hurts a little, but feels good. 

“One sec,” he moves away just to speak to someone outside before he comes back. “I'm the one that picked you up, you know?” 

“Now who's the fucking idiot?” You smile but your chest aches, heavy with the weight of his words. “You shouldn't have done that.” You whisper. 

“What?”

“You were under fire, you should have just jumped-” 

“I saw you eject. Saw you moving. You think I was just gonna leave you there?” He sits. “Besides, I was closest. The commander would have blown up the whole planet to get to you.” 

You swallow, turning away slightly. Going cold at the mention of Poe. 

Hank mistakes the look for guilt, and squeezes your hand again. “Hey, look,” he smiles, “you took out the canons, you're a fucking idiot but you know how to fly in heavy gravity.” 

You snort. 

He smiles. 

“Who did we lose?” 

Hank sighs, “three…”

You nod, closing your eyes for a moment. 

“There-”

There was shouting from outside, a crash and then Poe stormed into the room, med staff close behind him.

You swallow, sickness building in your throat.

He looked awful, drawn out and worn thin like he hadn't slept or eaten in days. His eyes red. 

He rushes forward, Hank moves out of the way, so Poe can take your hand in his. He leans forward and kisses you softly, carefully stroking your cheek, being gentle with your bandages. 

“Moonbeam…” he mutters and you flinch back from him. He looks at you with sad, confused eyes. 

“Look, I can only allow one visitor in here.” The med staff member says.

Hank stands, and speaks when you frown. “I'll see you later, Poe’s the one that hasn't left your side. The only reason he wasn't here when you woke was because I made him go take a shower.” Hank smiled, “you can thank me for that later.” 

Both you and Poe are quiet as the others leave. Poe searching your face for something, while you look away. 

“Moonbeam,” he says again softly, but there's an edge to his words that you're not used to. “What the fuck happened on that mission? What the fuck is this?” He holds up his hand, his necklace and ring wrapped around his palm. His eyes are shiny as he speaks. “Were you trying to kill yourself? What the fu-”

“Poe,” you breathe. Best to get it over quickly. “I saw.”

He frowns. “Saw? Saw what?” 

“You and Sana, in the briefing room… before take off.” 

The small frown on his forehead relaxes slightly for a moment as his eyebrows raise. “You… saw?” 

You nod. 

“You, but, I didn’t see you when I pushed her away?” His voice cracks at the end, a splinter running into the muscle of your heart. 

“You pushed her away?” 

“You didn’t see that?” He frowns again, blinking hard, “you just, just saw and walked away and what? Took this off?” He holds up the necklace again. A tear falls from his eye and he rubs it away furiously as if it had scorched his skin. “Just, just left it and… and…” 

“I didn’t know you didn’t want it…” You say quietly, emotion is making your chest tight and constricted. “I didn’t know you didn’t want her…”

“What?” He breathes, moving closer and squeezing your hand. There’s disbelief in his voice, confusion. Anger, it’s deep down and controlled but it’s there. “No, look, she kissed me. I pushed her away, I, I even logged a report, I’ll pull up the god damned camera feed to show you.” 

He’s not lying. His gaze is unwavering and he’s got that painfully earnest look in his eyes. 

“You thought…” he shakes his head slightly, his voice pained, “you thought I’d-”

“You both make sense together.” You blurt out. “She’s… and you’re…” you shrug and sigh, on the verge of tears yourself. “You’re both the best of us.”

“No,” he shakes his head fiercely, “Moonbeam, no.” He wipes roughly at his eyes again, glancing down for a moment and you lightly touch his head. 

He looks up instantly as you stroke his curls, still lightly damp. 

“I’m sorry.” You whisper.

Poe shakes his head again, grabbing your hand and kissing your wrist. “I’m sorry.” He kicks off his shoes and clambers into bed next to you a little awkwardly. He’s trying to be careful, trying not to hurt you but needing closeness so badly it’s suffocating. 

You scooch to the side as quickly as you can in your current state and lean into him as he wraps his body around you softly and kisses you sweetly. 

“Love you, love you, love you,” he repeats after every kiss, pressing his lips to every part of your skin that he can reach.

“Why are you sorry?” You mutter as he holds you, “I’m the one that messed up.”

He shakes his head, “I’m sorry that I don’t make you realise how special you are, how perfect.” He kisses your cheek, “you’re the best of us Moonbeam.” 

You tut but his grip tightens and he holds you tight. 

“And one hell of a pilot.” He grins. 

You scoff. 

“You are.” He kisses you again. 

You nuzzle against him, settling into his touch. Knots have formed in your chest, pain that’s loosening. His warmth is comforting. Home. 

“Sana said she didn’t know I was in a relationship,” he says softly, resting his chin on the top of your head. “I don’t know if that’s true, but… I do believe her.” 

You nod. “She’s a good person.”

He moves so he can look you in the eyes. “Please, Moonbeam, I… don’t,” he bites his tongue, closing his eyes for a long second. “I want to tell you, I want to say, don’t ever do something like that again… don’t… don’t put yourself at risk.” 

You touch his cheek lightly. 

“But it’s not fair is it?” He smiles sadly. “We both do that every day… You know you were gonna be in my squadron at first?” 

You shake your head in surprise and he nods.

“You were, but… well,” he blushes ever so slightly. “I was so embarrassingly head over heels in love with you,” he laughs lightly. “For months I could hardly talk to you, you know I had to down five Polanis Red’s in a row after Hurthwen just so I could ask you out? I knew I wouldn’t be able to function right if you were in my squad. I knew that I’d put everyone else at risk because if it came down to it… if there was a choice between everyone in the squad dying, everyone on the base, or you… I’d let the resistance burn instead of lose you. Every single time.” 

You close your eyes, fighting the emotion that needs to break through and squeeze his hand like a lifeline. “I love you.” You whisper. 

Your fingertips brush against the necklace, the ring hooking around the first knuckle of your index finger by chance. 

Poe slowly moves his hand from yours and unwinds the necklace from his palm before carefully placing it over your head, giving you plenty of time to move away if you wanted. 

“I love you Moonbeam,” he mutters, his voice low, reverent. Then leans in to kiss you. You kiss him back with all your heart. 

____________________________________

Thank you for reading!

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[kingofpeacows]

can we get some tim headcanons... im just. curious (<- guy whos getting autistic about tim again)

ABSOLUTELY YOU CAN!!!

Tim shouldn't be cis in my opinion and I've seen so many great headcanons about this, but I always lean more towards transmasc Tim. I don't think he puts much effort into "passing," because honestly?? He has more important things going on than scheduling top surgery or getting a haircut and he's pretty happy with that.

He's definitely a sensory-seeker. Nothing can just be something- it has to be too much. His food has to be too hot, his weighted blankets have to be too heavy, and all his hugs have to be too tight.

He was super secretive about being autistic during his YJ days because he thought it could somehow lead back to his identity. This was until Bart picked up The Vibe from him and said "it sure is cool we're both autistic superheroes :3" Tim spent weeks making sure his identity was safe and when he realized it was, he was more open about it.

Tim cleans his room by shoving all the clutter into his closet or under the bed, which ultimately makes it worse for him.

Tim will laugh if someone makes a mean joke about him, but the second someone says something about one of his friends, he's plotting their death.

Not a headcanon, but it's really important to me that Tim is the youngest out of all his friends <3

I also think he should be the shortest of all his friends.

The reason he didn't come out as bisexual sooner was because his first kiss was with Ives and it was REALLY bad. He just assumed he didn't like boys.

He's so Little Brother- he's annoying and asks too many questions and kind of drives you insane, but then he sends you a funny thing at 2 AM and slips a note under your door when he accidentally made you mad and will always say yes to a midnight snack run. He just likes being involved in things.

After a while, he starts growing out his hair to put it up. It's always at that awkward length of being able to brush it back into a bun but most of it still falls out in the front.

And I probably have way more Tim headcanons I can share later after I'm home from practice <3

[idealspawn]

hey..... i must say. this has been the best week of my life. and im filled with utter joy. ive had like a.. rebirth? every once in a while i feel like im born again. the transition is really emotional but they are moreso growing pains than destructive pains. im suddenly surrounded by so many great people and possibilities and i finally feel like life is rewarding me, treating me the way i should be treated. in a way im reluctant to owe it to "faith" and see myself as a passive subject rather than an active agent in this but in a way i think i am powerless in some factors regarding this change. next month its my debut in like a culture (?) newspaper! at least they said they are very interested in my analysis but i havent heard back yet about the second version i sent them. i wrote my favourite poem ive ever written. and ive seen so many movies recently that have served as this transitional border. like as this extremely active sphere of both "death" but also birth. like metaphorically. ive been so vulnerable and i love it. ive cried my eyes out like i havent in such a long time and done like... meta analyses about my underlying beliefs to bring change and new energy into my life. you see.. i get really stuck on like.. nominal labels. at first they describe me but it tends to go unnoticed when it no longer fits or serves me and im only living a certain way just because of this nominal structure. but all these nominal structures are made for us. not that we are made to fit them. ive re-evaluated things now.. also out of nowhere people have been reaching out to me. maybe it truly does show up in my energy when im more open. like that it attracts other open, honest, vulnerable people. ive met so many new people and truly felt seen. this is a big thing for me. for the longest time ive struggled to enjoy time with people because ive struggled to find people who i share some kinds of values. i like diverse people but for example people who are open to explore communication on an emotional and relational level rather than only informational. thats important to me. ive been more confident in sharing my opinions too:) and participating in class and in life. going to places where i know id feel a bit uncomfortable and end up surprised. going to places alone is massive for me. it opens me up to new people and experiences because i simply dont have a choice to close myself off with friends im already close with. a woman came to talk to me after a lecture. she said she had been watching how i take notes in class (i write really fast.. i tend to transcribe literally everything the professor says). she said she has studied palaeography and asked to see my notes to analyse my handwriting :) she said its very unusual for people to still write in cursive if they write with the pen very much pointed upwards, however i manage to do so :D. it really made me want to also just reach out to people... like whenever and for whatever reason. and ive noticed people actually like talking to you when youre authentic and awkward. ive restricted my communication with people SO MUCH only due to the fact that i feel like i might not be insanely flawless in my self-expression. the nature too. the season is such that i see birth and death all around me. and its very refreshing. i like seeing change and being reminded of it constantly. it feels liberating. its a season that many people dislike in my country but im in love. i love people. i love physical touch. i love eye contact. i love emotions. i love ideas. i love agency in breaking boundaries. i love feeling seen and important and useful. i love authenticity and vulnerability.

[dis-nightmare-continues]

Something so satisfying about going to the crust Lord show and being like the youngest person there even tho I'm almost 30. Smoking weed in the bathroom with some dude I just met while everyone passes around nose beers. He asks me if I know some friend of his by my neck of the woods.

"oh yeah I recognize him, but I don't know him too well. I know his girlfriend "

"what, he doesn't talk to you?? You're not cool enough? What, cus you're a bigger guy or something? Fuck that!"

Hard to explain why this interaction is so perfect. It never occurs to me that thin people have any awareness that there are some thin people who write me off for my size and don't see me is being "cool." It's also interesting because I have made imposter syndrome and this dude, after knowing me for 5 minutes, can't imagine why any body would think I wasn't cool enough to be friends with. It was an odd interaction and dude was wasted but it was oddly sweet and validating.

Terminal Filth from Berlin was great. Just joyless, grooveless slow brooding stenchcore. Skallar from Baltimore was awesome as well. Fast as fuck dbeat crust, controlled, not chaotic. Good show.

"handing a beer to somebody upside down is kind of funny" the bartender says, and then does it to his friend. It is funny, in fact, fucking hilarious for whatever reason. I think me and the bartender want to be friends. There aren't so many guys our age around and I only remember people who are really recognizable, which he is, iconically so.

We talk shit on a mutual friend out front of the venue and catch up. It's casual. I've lost my overbearing sense of familiarity and friendliness that I once carried with me everywhere. It wasn't serving me anymore so I dropped it, but now without it the reality of the superficialness of many of my relationships on this scene are more blatant.

I try not to care. In so many ways I've always been a loner. I never knew that, because I was always so extroverted. There are so few people who have earned my trust so I trust everyone and no one simultaneously. Grateful dead lyrics "don't murder me." And on the d I've up as I turmoiled over someone ive been dating, the monkeys, "I'm not your stepping stone."

The show was boring in the best way. I left as soon as the bands were over. Otherwise I was gonna get drunk and do coke and I knew I had to work early today. It's weird having a job I acctually care about. It's a relief that it's only seasonal. One of the things I value most when taking a job is my ability to do it without caring about it at all. The ease of calling in sick when I knew that they knew I was full of shit. Fuck them, it's my life. But now I have people relying on me in a real way. People to stay well rested for. It's kind of nice in a way--easier than taking of myself for my own sake.

I love being able to smoke inside this bar. I love how loud the band is and in spite of myself I even enjoy the crust punk dress code, though I fin something kind of funny and antiquated about it. It's not really my generations aesthetic, we are too far removed from it for it to feel real. I got into this young, spend a decade or more posing but at least I could hang. Now I wonder if I have something that everyone here wants.

Back home they treat me like I have insane clout, and I know they'd do anything for it. I let it ferment, I could give a shit. Everyone thinks your cool until you open your fucking mouth. I don't know where there sense of social anxiety came from but it's ongoing. Lately I just ignore it. I'll figure out my friends eventually. I'll know who I remember soon enough. The amount of people I can forget is overwhelming, so everyone is a stranger and everyone is my friend. I say what's up to someone I've never met, he asks "do I know you," and we smoke some weed from my new chillum in the bathroom. He's from Portland, I could have guessed by the waxed jacket.

I don't tell her all the places I traveled before moving back, just that I've been back for about a year. Howe have you been? As good as I can be. I hear that. I wonder who has been better. What would be better? I want to be her, so why aren't I? It would be worse, which would be better. Harder is better. Good is bad, better is worse. It's hard to relate to anybody outside this world and it's hard to relate to anybody who is in it. So I compartmentalize, and when I'm here I am the version of myself who I bring here. Again and again. And when I'm there, I leave here at the door. I leave it at home with my nose ring and my vest. But I teach what I have learned.

[breadandblankets]

Ask game!! 🫶 💞

Top 5 foods and top 5 non dc characters!!! (yes i’m copying you bc i wanna see ur version)

yay! compare notes and such

Food

1) Flourless chocolate cake, the perfect passover dessert it is probably my favorite type of cake mostly cause it doesn't sit in the stomach, hence the no eggs

2) Reuben sammich, you start with the high note of rye bread (the best kind of sammich bread) and you finish strong with the bright notes from the sauerkraut and corned beef (or pastrami if u lean that way) it's a perfect sandwich and I love it so much

3) Saag paneer, I love fucking SO many indian dishes I would be here all week if I tried to list them all so i picked this one cause i like spinach, I grew up in an area with a pretty large Punjabi population so this is a classic comfort food

4) Matzo ball soup, lord this is such a jew-y list, it's a classic for a reason! it's the ultimate Jewish comfort food!! last time I made it was for a friend with covid who is no longer my friend ;-;

5) Falafel, this I added just cause I'm craving it ngl, I made my own recently and it was fuckin amazing, with hummus is just 😋😋 I'd say tzatziki as well but my gf would skin me (affectionate) (my beloved ur vendetta against the Greeks is adorable and I love u so much)

this got long I'm gonna Cut

Fav non DC characters:

1) He Xuan, I have to start out here they're still the home screen on my laptop, I love One Fish with a complex relationship with their bestie/enemy

2) Chuuya, he's a god, he's a bitch, he's in the mafia, what's not to love tbh, he's the deus ex machina of his canon and I want to see him beat the fuck out of dazai and do more dope shit forever

3) Deacon, he's funny, he's lying 25/8, he will just walk around naked, he's my favorite fo4 companion and he's just fun to be around, I wish streamers would stop shooting him ples and thank u

4) X6-88, unfortunately losing points because of shitty racist writing but! he's one of my favorite characters cause x6 and chuuya have a lot in common with the whole "built to be a weapon, learning to be a human" thing, there's so much potential for unlearning cult brainwashing and such and I just love him so much lmao

5) Mobei-jun, one of the characters that got me to open my trap and not shut up in fandom, he's a great character with a fun backstory and the Most Some Guy husband (who is actually god) I love his boobies and I love his dumb old man loving ass and sealbei-jun is probably the most fun ive ever had reading scientific papers for fandom

[odysseys-blood]

then, can you give us a list of games you recommend?

i sure can thank u for asking! i'll try to make it a bit more brief but under my top 4 i'll add a readmore with a longer list in case u wana read that and not the like. Odysseys Blood Introductory Game Pack.

so starting with the top picks:

1. The World Ends With You

i think a lot of people have a similar feeling about this game. you play as neku, recently deceased kid with no memories no friends and a whole lot of attitude and your main goal is to survive the reaper's game for 7 days to get a chance at living again. he trusts no one and believes in nothing but himself and being an extremely depressed middle schooler, i related to him but watching the way he changes over time and learns to open himself up. its kind of an eye-opener and i've seen the same though echoed through a lot of different people like me who wanted to really give up but this game does take you by the hand and oush you to try again. make connections. live and whileit may be a struggle its alright because you always have the option to keep going. also the ost is AMAZING and the art style is very unique and the story and characters captivate you so well. idk where id be without this game honestly. preferably if you do want to play its best to play the og on a ds (can be done w/ a hacked one) but if not its on switch and theres a sequel! which is ok but its not as great as original twewy

2. Tales of the Abyss

ToA (or tota as most ppl tag it but i stick with toa to match the tags for other tales games. which are also good esp vesperia i just wont add it to this list bc its already gonna be a long one). what stood out to me a lot with this game besides the main cast who i love to bits, is its theme on religion actually. when i first played toa i was still in the church and the main theme of religion in toa can be boiled down to devotion is all fine and good, but don't let it rule your life. the fate that is written out for you doesn't rule you, you make your own choices. even if they seem futile, you still don't have to take your fate sitting down you can kick and scream and fight as much as you want towards another path if that truly is what you desire. and that resonated with me heavily. this one's a little more crunchy looking from its age but i still really like the graphics (and i played on 3ds lol) and the environments in tales games are all so stellar its such a good game. and oh my GOD the party interactions. tales games usually do really good at having main casts that are "6-8 people who have no business being stuck together but they are anyways" and i think the part for this one will always be my favorite. also last little bit but theres so much about identity in toa as well and the way the main character, luke, is written with his own struggles about feeling like his own person has gripped me to this day. ive heard this one is hard to find a physical copy of but like. again shoot me a message if u have a hacked 3ds

3. AI: The Somnium Files

i've been here since day ONE (not exactly but theres a youtube page for one of the characters they were using to drop some info before the game released and i was watching while that was still going so. close enough). i am obsessed with aitsf. my icon is even the main character (edited a bit and w/ stickers). this game doesn't have combat like the first to and is strictly a visual novel and i adore the way it explores the central theme of love, especially familial love and its many shapes and forms and how sometimes even through blood it just doesnt. exist. but that doesnt mean you dont deserve love. someone will be there to give it to you and if not you take it however you can. this is much more apparent in the left half of the game which to this day has made the mizuki route my favorite. this one's eveywhere (playstation, steam, switch) and goes on sale frequently on steam for like $7. this one also has a sequel which is pretty good but again i think the original is much better

4. Heaven Will Be Mine

honestly with how many people i see daily gushing over poetry and writing im surprised more dont play hwbm. its a space mecha visual novel set in the aftermath of a war where earth sent children to go fight an existential threat which may not have even existed and now all of those kids are adults who have grown up without the shackles of society on the earth which js funny enough, finally calling for them to come back. the writing is beautiful and fun to pick apart and if you're a fan of prose i definitely think you should give this one a try. double of you're lgbt in any way this game is good for its writing about queerness especially if you're trans. please play hwbm. this one's on steam and doesnt have a sequel game but the devs, worst girl games, also made We Know The Devil which i like less than hwbm but its still pretty good! that ones got gay religious trauma

continuing is just a list of more i like in no specific order. some of these may be a bit cringey but i like fun

Witch's Heart

listen i know theres some strange bias some ppl have gainst rpgmaker pixel games but like. 1) odd but ok 2) witch's heart is such a beatiful story i need you to throw whatever biases you may have abt pixel games RIGHT NOW. my header text comes from this game. it means everything to me. do you have a wish you would kill for? does your wish mean more to you than another's? how much will you let your selfishness control you. for a game that looks so silly it made me cry a lot. this one's free on vgperson's translated game list and theres still MORE BEING MADE. SO MUCH GAME. FOR FREE. LOOK AT ME. ITS FREE. and heartwrenching.

To The Moon/Finding Paradise/ Impostor Factory

this description is short but similarly a pixel game like the previous rec. its more understandably heavy considering you play as eva and neil who fulfill the wishes of the dying in their dreams. its sad. i cried. i cry a lot dont i? these r on steam

Just Shapes and Beats

a rhythm game this time! it's got a cute little story mode but it is just a dubstep rhythm bullet hell i like playing. did you know i was a dubstep fan in middle school well now you do and im sad skrillex is mid now. its on steam and switch. not a good pick however if you are sensitive to flashing lights or have epilepsy im sorry. i believe there are safe modes but i havent tested them myself to see how well they work

Paranormasight

paranormasight is a horror visual novel illustrated by gen kobayashi who, if you can tell from the linework on the sprites and in the portraits and what have you, illustrated for twewy. i'll be real i was ready to screan and cry 30 minutes in but its not actually that scary im just a wimp. this one could be seen in a similar vein with witch's heart in the idea of: what would you do to fulfill your greatest wish. how many people would you kill. because you will be killing. on steam and switch.

Bustafellows

for being an otome bustafellows rly got me. while being an otome it is still plenty silly but heavy with fun characters. also i think this is the first time ive really liked an otome mc they tend to be very waify and kinda annoyingly written tbh but teuta is a VERY fun character and not at all a stand in for a self insert. or at least she isnt good at being a self insert which is fine to me because i love a main character that has their own personality. a guy dies like 10 minutes in. this ones on steam

Mamiya

i seem to like a lot of visual novel games with time loops and dead main characters and this is another one. very dark but i love it to bits. also this one requires a warning list i haven't seen anywhere but i made one myself here. its on steam

IVE RUN OUT OF PICTURES. SO I CANT ADD ANYMORE BUT QUICK LIST YOU'LL HAVE TO LOOK UP MORE OR JUST ASK ME ABT ANY OF THESE:

Lethal League Blaze

Hatoful Boyfriend

Fallen Hero: Rebirth (and its sequel Retribution)

Code Vein

shout out also to What in Hell is Bad. not for kids at all this one is explicitly 18+ but for being a goofy eroge otome it has. gripped my by the nuts and it has not let go. ive only been playing like a month help.

[scourgefrontiers]

oc spotlight: patoto (villainverse)

oh man ok. villainverse patoto. probably one of my favorite ocs ive ever made tbh

he started out as a joke almost, a sort of "what if?" au sorta deal. what if patoto was a villainous saiyan? it sounded like such a fun concept i just had to explore it. and then i came up with this design

which was just SO cool to me i couldnt stop thinking about it. and then before i knew it he became his own character--a patoto from a parallel universe where he was a ruthless warrior, totally opposite from his mainverse counterpart

he developed so fast from there. i gave him a companion that ended up being kinpa, and he developed into kinpa's bodyguard. i gave him a rival that ended up being calabris. i gave him a complicated relationship with his parents, one of which he thought was dead for most of his life (his armor is actually based off of hers to remember her by). his universe grew and his story basically wrote itself i was so obsessed with him and still am

here's his current ref showing how much he's grown

even today im still giving him more development and story! as of right now in the timeline (post-mirrors and post-facets), he has a child with his partner kinpa and his family has grown from just him to a group of six including himself! he's learned to have friends and open his heart to others, and he's gotten so strong im so proud of him.

mirrors would have never existed had i not ran with his concept like i did. his character and story contrasting with mainverse patoto's is just so fun and awesome to me and i've always had fun with it and i feel like i'll continue to have fun with it as well!!

i could honestly keep going about some specific details abt him like his relationship with kinpa and zumeg (both of them) and his father and his kid and. yknow what i will LOL

his relationship with kinpa started as just a bodyguard situation but OF COURSE that developed into an actual partnership bc i love that shit. he was this cold and frankly mean guy that wanted nothing to do with kinpa or being his bodyguard--he hated it. but after getting trapped on earth in a parallel universe, he learned to open up to the idea of having at least one friend and letting himself care about someone for the first time since he was a child.

as for his parents...thats complicated lol. (facets spoilers ahead !!!) his mother zumeg was presumed dead when she didnt return from a battle when he was just a boy, and his father left some time before that, so he was basically raised in an orphanage into adulthood (or at least until he could join the army). he met the mainverse zumeg and that shook him to his core bc she was not only so different but she still cared about him and reminded him what it was like to be loved by his own mother. it wasnt until way later, many many years later, that he decided he wanted to find his father and find out why he left them. after getting that clarification, he chose to give his father a second chance at being part of his life--more for himself than his father, really--and then not long after that he discovered his mother was actually alive, just under someone's control. he saved her, and suddenly he had a family again.

i havent quite developed his story with his kid just yet, but so far what i figure is that he isnt experienced with children at all so he does have a hard time balancing the tough parenting act and the gentle, kind parenting. snake (his son) does feel a pressure to be as great as his father, since he's heard the stories of how he saved the universe before and how he continues to fight and reach new heights. patoto is a little awkward at handling this and has a hard time showing that he's proud of his son and that sort of causes a little tension between them but it eventually works out

basically i love villainverse patoto. a lot. i would die for him actually

[silvergoldraeven]

Okokokok so (assuming) you’re an avid heimes shipper, I’m rlly curious, so like, how do you think (in your resurrection au) kratos would feel if Hermes came back to life out of nowhere and started dating Heimdall??? LMAOO

OR EVEN, WOULD, your au Heimdall even ever be into Hermes at all????? Due to his redemption and all??? KSJDKDJ I can’t stop thinking abt it😭

oh ive thought about this A LOT. like an ungodly amount. i actually at first made a character for Heimdall as a love interest but scrapped it cuz i didnt want it to be a Heimdall x oc thing ya know. then my dear friend (@medievildead) got me Hermespilled- and now i have. better ideas. they wouldnt work with what im actually going for with res!AU cuz itd add sooooo many things and its just. ough. but!

There's so many ways this could go. So Many. (x0k if youre reading this im encouraging you to make a version with your Hermes AU c:)

But i'd like to imagine that Atreus one day just comes home wearing the like ancient Greek travelling outfit and Kratos looks him up and down, goes silent for a few minutes before asking where the fuck and who the fuck he got that from. Atreus just happily going "from this really nice man, had flaming hair, weird little voice but he was cool and- oh there he is-" and just points over to Hermes crawling out of the bushes and yelling "where are my fucking shoes Kratos?!"

i think thats funny, i think that should be canon. Hermes existing and following Atreus home to Midgard opens up so much place for angst with Kratos and Atreus but im not here for that, im here to make 2 people worse. mostly Heimdall, reverse therapy now that Hermes is here /hj

Hermes joining the gang is just like like the Thor scene but Loud and hes like "i brought olives :]" and Kratos lets him in just for that trade tbh.

Kratos asking how tf hes even alive and Hermes replies with "im bugs" without elaborating, we never find out how he's alive.

Uncle Hermes is definitely my fav trope so him bonding with Atreus over atheletics and mischief, mostly bullying Heimdall. Hermes locked eyes with Heimdall and immediately decided that he was a worthy opponent. so their relationship starts with Hermes and Atreus bullying the shit out of Heimdall, who's self growth is really being tested on a daily basis. when Atreus leaves again Heimdall is left with just 1 shithead insisting on making his life harder (but oh so affectionately).

i think Heimdall would actually be more likely to fall for Hermes cuz he finally got that giant stick out of his ass, would probably find his japes and overall mischief endearing, after he warms up to the Greek god.

Hermes is canonically really good at cooking too if im correct so him helping Heimdall with cooking,,, cute. so cute. Hermes teaches Heimdall Greek dishes and Heimdall teaches him Nordic dishes but Hermes usually just goes "this has no flavour" which in return makes Heimdall call him a slur of some kind in offense.

Heimdall showing off Gulltoppr being like "this is my great and loyal beast, he has never left my side for anyone, neither in life or death. he will never be loyal to anyone els-" camera turns to Hermes giving a purring Gully tummy rubs :3

unrelated (sorta) but i think Angrboda and Hermes would actually get along really well.

Hermes being the god of travel drags Heimdall around the 8 realms c o n s t a n t l y. Heimdall hates it, especially since Vanaheim would probably be Hermes' fav realm. but he usually plans a 'surprise' picnic so Heimdall isn't too upset about it :3

Hermes constantly throwing apples at Heimdall. infront of everyone. its funny. most people dont get why Heimdall turns completely red every single time.

if Kratos still has Hermes' boots like he did in the gow 2018 trailer and actually gives them back, Hermes would probs lend them to Atreus occasionally for travelling like the good uncle he is. or as i like to say, buncle. Atreus' bug uncle c:

Hermes would definitely flirt with Heimdall constantly before they start dating just to annoy the living shit out of him which Atreus would find extremely entertaining but once these 2 fuckers start dating they turn their attention back to bullying Atreus. rip my man

Heimdall giving his bf bifrost legs. Hermes deserves bifrost legs. he'd look So Gay. not sure how that'd work but its canon now.

overall i just have many unhinged (normal) thoughts about these 2, too many to put into words but this hopefully gets the point across c:

[bunnypopgal]

Hello. It's been a few years since i made this blog and made my first post. I now deleted my first post bc i found it to be cringe and honestly really painful. i have grown a lot in these past years and have seemingly beat my hallucinations for now. i know that will most likely come back prob once i become a mother one day but i feel more prepared to beat them again.

Other than that i dumped and got dump by two partners, made and lost almost all my friends besides one. dont judge by like im sure many of us are im a sucker for the friends turned lovers trope and well ive been dating my best friend for almost going 2 years now. he has been super accepting, a wonderful partner and my biggest support thru it all so far. hes my only support system honestly.

i am deeply scared to make friends again after what my last friend did to me.. for years and i just let her. i cant really blame it on having low self worth either since i honestly really like myself and who i am but more so i didnt know HOW to be treated by others. let me be clear NOT how I treat others, no-no but HOW others SHOULD treat ME. isnt that nuts? you think that would be something we just have inside of us as humans (or otherwise) that we would just KNOW that. i dont FEEL like a doormat either but maybe i am. not with everyone, mind you. just like people ive grown to have developed a trusting bond in with respect packed in there like a mozzie stick, yum, ya know? i love em like chosen family and youre gonna body shame me for not being short for a woman, like what? you think i wouldve picked it out asap that chick SCREAMED pick me but i also saw her good qualities too which is why i wanted to be friends with her... i trusted her a lot. Oh well tho.

As much as it still hurts sometimes the fear is still there. i, as a woman also fear other woman. i know, i know. there is so many other wonderful women out there who would never treat me so badly but my brain is gone broken from so many traumatizing events over and over again. it irrational, i know it. its also isolating. i dont go out much at all but honestly blame the economy for that. i plan to be getting a part time job soon which you can also blame the economy for haha but also i want to meet people and have some kinda structure in my life again. hoping for friends right now is something im maybe not ready for honestly i think ill just start with talking to people again and let that be that. i hope to get some kind of a cleaning job so it will be a little to no talking to people depending on where im set up.

im just kinda scared to open myself up again to other people. online of course is different mainly besides the usual explanation but also for me, the internet is a black hole where NO ONE see the crap i shit out which includes my art i make sadly. i dont really try all like hard to make people see it anyways. i am still scared of people after all.

anyways today i have plans to hang out with my partner before he has to go to work. im hoping we can play palworld together again hehe. Other than that its house chores and back to drawing for me today. i just came out of another depressive episode recently so i have a few great messes to clean up. its a good thing i like cleaning, ya know when i dont feel like i wanna disappear. what can i say, its genetic. thanks, dad haha.

im planning to get back into my old hobbies too like live streaming. ive been live streaming all over the internet off and on since i was maybe 14. im 23 now so 10 years!!! WOWIE!! when i was growing up my family would joke around saying i need my own reality show haha. i do have a huge personality, ig but thats something im very comfortable and like about myself. bold and funny, i think!! streaming is a super relaxing thing to me. i talk to myself anyways and i always have. you dont stay this "sane" without talking to yourself to fight off the loneliness haha.

that reminds me recently my partner told me he found me to be a "increaser of morale, an inspiring person, you're motivating and you make being emotionally positive SO EASY." im still so stunned and very very VERY flattered he told me that! even if its not true im glad he feels that way bc thats a nice way to be. hes very very sweet to me.

well i could write forever right now honestly but i should probably go drink enough water to take out a house fire so i dont die of dehydration.

oh, if only. (JOKING)

[dreamingclassical]

The 🦄 Herself and some background on her.

I got Blaze July 31st of 2020. Before I even laid eyes on her, the assistant trainer of the facility told me “the mare is wild.” Telling me about how she had taken another mare from the pasture for a lesson and into the main barn. Within 10 minutes Blaze had taken down the gate and climbed up a set of stairs into the hayloft. No clue how she got down the stairs again unharmed. She was very buddy sour obviously. She was born in Canada, she is a Mr. Greeley baby. Raced lightly, retired to breeding, and then had 8-9 foals. At 16, almost 17 she came to the facility I met her at. Sat again for another year. I was looking for a 3-5 year old, not an 18 year old never restarted skinny broodmare.

After seeing her move, and seeing how sweet and anxious she was along with her condition, I was positive I wanted her. Bought for 1k, she was quickly learning to be a riding horse. I made many, many mistakes. I let a trainer ride her in such a manner I could barely watch, multiple times before I put my foot down. Draw reins, strong bits, bungees, terrible saddle fit, etc etc.

It was ugly. I will be repaying Blaze for her kindness for the rest of her life. She jumped everything, up to 4’ on a few occasions. Safe, point and shoot, and fun. She had one bad habit, rearing when put under pressure. The only time she did it, was because I or someone else put her in a position where she felt she had no choice.

She eventually became my liberty and trick horse after I realized how unhappy she really was as a sport horse. Despite looking fantastic, post Lyme treatment #1 but really she wasn’t happy. She wouldn’t stand to be a show horse, and she was impossible to fit a saddle to. I rode her bareback exclusively for almost 2 years of having her due to saddle issues. She was just better off, and eventually I removed the bridle too. She was great in a halter, terrible in a bridle, so why bother? Perfect almost every time. This opened the door for liberty work, where she really shines.

Eventually in May of 2022 she slipped on a grass hill with me, not falling but close. No heat, not lame, we stopped immediately She came up bilaterally lame 2 hours later. I took her to the vet, he told me it was likely L stifle and LF combined but nothing can be done without scans of the joints. I was beyond broke from the (failed) Lyme treatment over 6 months.

My first vet told me that my best option was to turn her out for a year and see what happens. She was managed well on equioxx, but noticeably lame in the trot and canter. So I did that. Finally listening to her, a chronic weaver, stalling just wasn’t for Blaze. Moved her into a literal back yard of a friends. With a run in / walk in stall, goat, and mini horse. Pulled all 4 shoes (hind first and later fronts)

Removed grain from her diet, added good hay and a forage balancer, and waited. It’s been almost 2 years. She’s not 100% sound, I was very much losing hope earlier this year and very much considering euthanizing her. However, I found an amazing vet well versed in Lyme disease and so in January we’ll be pulling a titer to check levels and moving forward with IV tetra from there. Lyme flares tends to make her lameness vary a bit. She is hopeful that we will be able to get her sound and remove her Lyme symptoms. She’s really renewed some hope in me. In the spring when things aren’t muck, I’ll be getting another (this’ll be the 14th lameness exam in 2 years) exam done and likely radiographing her fetlocks and hocks.

That’s it for now though, I’ve ranted long enough. She’s perfect, my best friend, and recently we were told on her good days that we can work on tricks & groundwork again.

Good movement > no movement 💖

We’ll see where we are in a year. 12/24/23 🎄

[slymewitch]

@f4y3w00d5 you have been my closest friend on the site. I love rping with you and your morally ambiguous characters and just goofing around with you in general. And even outside of rp, you’re one of the coolest, nicest, and funnest people I’ve ever met. Thank you.

@the-gnomish-bastard if it werent for you I would never have even started talking to people. You allowed me to rp with you even though I was new. Thank you for your service as a bastard. I strive to be more bastardlike every day if it means being like you. Thank you.

@combustion-wizard you were my first wizard mentor. I would not have participated in wizardblr nearly as much if not for you. You made me feel truly welcomed into the community. Thank you.

@aileaxthevoidien I know we don’t talk all that much but every time we do is an absolute joy. You are a super nice and cool dude, and your OC is amazing. Thank you.

@monsterfucker-research-wizard not gonna lie I was scared of you for a while. But once I started talking to you, you were super nice and cool! I always knew you were cool of course don’t beg me wrong, but I felt like I wasn’t cool enough to hang out with you. But you were completely open and accepting of me when I want to do rp stuff and that means a lot. Thank you.

@villainessbian you are my newest mentor, and you’ve already taught me so much about tapping into my inner evilness, (/pos). Jokes aside, you have give amazing advice have legitimately taught me a lot. Also I lied, your puns are funny. And your glasses are amazing. Thank you.

@ashen-the-tiefling We didnt really talk that much until recently, but now that we are, you’re one of the chillest people I’ve talked to here. And I am honored that you chose my OC to date your OC. I still remember the recipe for gold you gave me. Thank you.

@thatgayforkcrow you always know what to say when Im feeling down, and you’re really great to talk to. Also you’re like, REALLY stylish. Thank you.

@evil-wild-lesbian-wizard you taught me how witchcraft works, you didn’t hex me (even though I kind of wanted to be for science), and you promised not to kill my friend when you invade Canada. Also you’re really chill and funny and I love talking to you. Thank you.

@lixorloveslicorice you are one of THE nicest and most supportive people Ive ever met. Ive said this before, but you are the reason I felt comfortable opening up here, and felt like I could overcome my anxiety long enough to make some friends. THANK YOU.

@drew-bard-for-hire Ive only really started talking to you recently, but you’re so amazingly supportive and nice and I like talking to you. Your character is so fun and cool and you’re just a cool person to talk to. You understand my problems and never judge me. Thank you.

@nebulaaaaaa I followed your blog for a while and thought you were really cool, and it turns out I was completely right, except you’re even cooler! In the span of 3 days you’ve become one of my closest friends here. And you’ve introduced me to so many other awesome friends. You are awesome and amazing. Thank you.

@tranny-physiccs Its getting hard to come up with different ways of saying “nice and awesome and cool and supportive” but you are nice and awesome and cool and supportive. And we’ve only known eachother for like a day! And in that time you’ve been an amazing friend already. Also you have based opinions on Adventure Time and birds. Thank you.

@gobodegoblin I am so excited to learn how to speak goblish. Your backstory is so cool and even though we’ve only hung out once I would love to again sometime. Thank you.

@transbian-arsonist I don’t know you very well at this point but you like sneks and thats important. I look forward to becoming good friends :3 thank you.

You have all made my short time (so far) on this hellsite amazing and the most fun Ive had in a very long time. And I look forward to the many many years I have yet to spend alongside you, and the many friends I have yet to meet. My mental health has gotten far better because of all of you. For the first time in years, I dont feel afraid to talk to people. And I owe it all to you.

From the bottom of my heart, Thank You.

I love you all <3

Mutuals Loving Hours

Okay this might be a sappy so...beware as I gush about my mutuals!!

I have so many things I want to say to everyone, so much I would love to tell you face to face. So many reassurances and encouraging words that I would have to write a list just to remember everything I want-- what I need to tell you. I would give anything to be able to make you laugh and enjoy your smile, admiring the way you light up. I'd make an ass out of myself just to watch your smile widen. If I could, I would grab those weights from your shoulders and throw them into the great lakes, never to be seen again. I would stand by your side as we watch them drown from their own weight, never to get that satisfaction of dragging you down with them.

You're a damn good person, whether you believe it or not. Your creations, the things your pour your heart and soul into are some of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I can feel the love and joy you used to intertwine those ideas together, I can see the excitement on your face as you share your creations.

You are one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. I don't care if I haven't seen your actual face, or if I don't even know your real name. You are stunning. Stunning like a star that threats to burn your eyes the longer you look at it. But I'd be okay with loosing my sight, as long as you're the last thing I see. I know I'm just a stranger to a lot of you, but I still care! I will always care and you will never be a burden. Sometimes I might not be able to help you like you need, but I'll be damned if I don't try.

I love you, you made my void a little less empty.

<3

[youre-amazing-say-it]

Hey girlie when’s the new fic coming, no rush btw xx

IT'S HERE! Sorry for the delay life has been crazy. But im on spring break and very excited to work on some pieces.

Let me know what you guys think. If you want a part 2 or something. Next piece is the drunk peter one.

Just Do It

WARNINGS: Depression, suicide attempt, mention of drugs, swearing, underage drinking (dont do it kids), angst OMG, fluffy end.

Summary: Based on the Pete Davidson quote " Ive always been suicidal but ive never had the balls"

Pairing: avengers (Steve, Tony, Nat, Clint, Bruce, Sam, Bucky, Scott Peter) x reader

I hated that I was loved. Life would be so much easier.

It would give me a reason that explains the feeling and thoughts I've had for the past year. But I knew I lived a very fortunate life. I had the best of both worlds, one as a high schooler, the other one as a superhero named Blue Gaze. I thought for a while that if I stopped with my secret identity, life might be better. But it also could become worse, and that was the last thing I wanted. So I just continue to hide under my pain and fears, hiding in the clouded thoughts that fill my head. Reminding me daily that I'm a shitty person, people only care about because of my powers, and nobody would blink an eye at me if I was gone.

And I know when you're feeling like this, you're supposed to talk to someone. but at this point, I don't know what will happen if I talk to someone and I become “better”. it scares the shit out of me. I have kind of become content with my sadness and I don't know what else to do. So I try my best to find different things to distract myself from the feelings.

I'm a junior in high school, going to a local public school. I'm what you call a good kid. I get good grades, don’t stay out late, and was a model student But it all changed around six months ago when I meet my partner Chris. they are the best worst influence I could ask for. They knew and understood my thoughts and knew that I needed a form of escapism. Soon, we were dating and it was a great distraction. They introduced me to marijuana, alcohol, and it was incredible. They made me happy at the moment and not in the long run.

Now here I am, riding up the elevator, at 1 am, to the compound. I had my backpack on, getting a stash of stuff from our friends. I'm staying here this weekend as my parents are out of town. My parents have been concerned about my behavior and well-being for a while now, and even told Tony about their concerns. He tried to talk to me about it, but it only made it worst.

The elevator opened up and I walked into the kitchen. I was out with Chris and their friends and I'm not as drunk as usual, but enough to feel numb. I went to go grab some leftover food in the fridge but before I could even grab the food the door shut and Steve Rodgers had his hand on the fridge. “HEY!” he said, staring at me. If I was sober I would have been scared, but instead, I was given a confidence boost.

“The hell do you want? I'm busy and hungry so get out of my way.” I said as I shoved past his shoulder, going to grab an apple from the fruit bowl but a hand dragged it away. Tony looked at me, with fear and anger in his eyes.

“We have been calling and texting you all night. No answers, no nothing. Hell, you managed to even bypass my security and turn off your location. Mind tell us where the FUCK you have been?” Tony said, gesturing to the mighty heroes behind him. I didn’t even register walking in how many people were in the room. Sam and Bucky were behind the couch, Nat and Scott were sitting on it. Adjacent to them was Wanda and Vision, on the opposite couch, with Bruce standing behind them. But what surprised me the most was Peter standing next to Bruce, eyes red and puffy.

“You don’t need to know everything I do. You aren't my parents, you guys don't own me. I'm allowed to have a fucking life.” I said, annoyed, looking at them.

“We are your parents for this weekend,” said Steve, turning my attention back to him. “You're staying here, therefore you are our responsibility. So let me ask this again. where have you been?” I could tell where this conversation was going, and I didn’t want to deal with it.

“I was out with friends. I'm going to bed.” I said, looking at the team as I walked away.

“Like hell, you're not!” I heard Sam yell behind me. I slowly turn around. “we're going to discuss this. You don't get to walk in here at 1:00 AM smelling like weed and crappy beer, expecting to get out of it.” Sam tells me as he walked closer to me. Before he got too close, Scott appeared next to him.

“What Sam is trying to say is that we're just concerned about you,” Scott said, looking at me like I was a lost dog. “You've been hanging with the wrong crowd, pushing people away. We just want to know what going on. We care about you Y/n.” he walks closer to me, trying to hug me but I step to the side to avoid the interaction.

“Oh cut the crap guys. You don't care about me, you only care about Blue Gaze. You only work with Blue Gaze. Our relationship starts and ends with my mask. You guys couldn’t give two shits about my life." I was annoyed at this point. I had plans for the rest of the night but now they want to talk about my feelings? Fuck no.

"What makes you think that? We care about you. I care about you Y/n” Peter states. I couldn't look at him. He was my best friend, the one I feel closest with out of the bunch. But I haven't spoken to him in a while. Now that they see me as someone who needs help, they are being nice to me now. I hated it. It made me feel angry.

"You don't care about me! All you see is a damsel in distress and you want to save me. But I’m fine.” I said as I heard my voice crack. I could tell they could hear it too. Nat starts talking to me in her motherly voice.

“We just want to help you Y/n. Tell us how we can help” she said. I felt this anger and frustration starting to build up inside me and I felt I was about to break.

“You wanna help me? Fine! Go get a gun and shoot me 'cause I can't bring myself to do it.” I yell as I burst. I looked at my co-workers and they were silent. They couldn’t believe I said that. I couldn’t believe I said that. In fact, I was pissed I said.

"What did you just say?" Bucky asked. I looked at him and I felt fury within me. I didn’t want to say it in the first place but now I have to say it again.

“I'm sorry, Does the Super soldier with super hearing need me to repeat myself? I said I want someone to kill me. It's not that hard, especially for you.” I said. As soon as I said that last part, I knew it was a low blow. But I was in too deep, plus I had a lot to express.

“Y/N! Why the hell would you say that?” Steve said, storming over towards me.

“Why not? It's the truth, and you guys want me to be truthful, don't you? You want me to tell you how I feel. Well, I want to die and Bucky has killed people without any guilt. So I know he can do it so I want him to do it.” I see tears form in the soldier's eyes as he storms out. Sam comes towards me, fire in his eye.

"I don't give two shits about what you're feeling right now, that was incredibly uncalled for.” He shouts before leaving to find Bucky.

“Fine! If he won't do it, how about you Nat?” I said as I make my way to her. “Red room assassin? Go get a gun and kill me. It would solve everyone’s problems, so Just do it!” I scream in her face as I feel us get farther apart from each other. Steve and Scott are pulling me back, as I see Clint get Nat and lead her out of the room. Everyone just continued to stare at me, waiting to see what I would say next. I didn’t even notice the tears coming down my face until Scott pulled me out of my head.

"Hey Kiddo," he said, wiping the tears off my face with his thumb. I looked at him with tearfilled eyes. "Do you want to talk?" i shrugged my shoulders. My heart was telling me to open up because they care, but my head was telling me to run away and avoid talking about it.

“Come here,” he said, walking us over to the couch. I sat down and looked at the floor. Steve sat next to me with Scott on the other side, Peter and Tony on the other couch with Bruce behind them. “What going on Y/n?” Steve said. I couldn't look at him, I couldn't look at anyone. I wanted to hold back but I also knew it would be helpful to talk about it. “Take your time,” he said, putting his arm around me. He brought me into a side hug. I could tell he wanted to do it for comfort, but it was mainly a way to hold me in place so I don’t lash out again. I let out a shaky breath before speaking.

“I want to die but I can't. I have tried multiple times. I've been so close to pulling the trigger, swallowing the pills, or jumping off the ledge. But I think about you guys or my family finding me and I can't bring myself to do it” I say, continuing to look at the floor. I haven’t told anyone this and I know it wouldn’t be the last. "But just because I can't do it, doesn’t make the thoughts and feelings go away.” It was quiet, everyone was waiting for me to say something but I don’t know what else to say. Peter was one of the first ones to speak.

“Why would you want to die? You are a hero, everyone adores you.” Peter said. I looked at him and he hasn’t stopped crying, but they were more silent tears.

“Blue Gaze is a hero, that’s who people love! Nobody cares about a random high schooler.”

“We care about you Y/n, so much,” Scott said, holding hand, caressing it with his thumb.

“No, you don’t!” I start to stand up but Steve's tight hold of me keeps me on the couch. I take a few breathes, to keep myself grounded, so I don’t say something I'll regret.

"Kiddo, we care about you a whole lot. I care about you. But you are scaring me with the way you have been acting. I don't want you to go down the road I was on." Tony said. I knew it meant a lot for him to say that, he doesn't talk about his past a lot. I didn’t even realize Bruce coming over to sit in front.

“Y/n, I need you to be honest with me. I know it will be hard but you have to if you want us to help.” Bruce lifts my chin so I'm forced to look at him. My eyes were full of tears and regret. “Do you think you can do that?” he said, looking at me.

I look around and see my coworkers, or family, waiting for my response. Could I do it? Could I be honest? I want to, but I don’t know what will happen next. Will they send me away? Will I no longer be an avenger? I’ve been holding onto this part of my life for too long, and it's been eating away at me day by day. Maybe it’s time to finally let go. I took a breathe before responding

“Yeah, I'm ready to get help. I'm ready to be honest”

A/N: Ahhh! what do you guys think? please let me know!

Tags: @winter-soldier-vibes @angeldreifics @luvhann @xennityxen

[lovelyyy-luna]

you are my sunshine pt. 1

fandom: the walking dead

fic summary: Y/N stumbled upon this community while 9 months pregnant and now she is one of them. Her friend Negan has had feelings for her for almost a year does he finally have the guts to tell her?

chapter summary: Y/N joins Alexandria and is on bed rest for a little but has some company with her new friend Negan.

pronouns: she/her 

word count: 1166

date: april 13, 2022

PART 1 | PART 2 |

masterlist

The cramping from your stomach woke you up. You were scared. You weren't ready for this.

It was only a few months ago when you found out you were pregnant.

You were always a little curvier than others so you didn't think anything of it but when your belly became more round and your belly button stuck out you only knew it could be one thing.

You were walking in the forest trying to find a place to rest but you couldn't find anything.

Then a sharp pain went through your stomach so hard that you collapsed, you tried to hold on to a tree trunk but you slid down and screamed in pain. But then you saw a herd of walkers just ahead of you and you covered your mouth muffling your screams.

Trying to focus on your breathing you heard a ‘psst’ you were panting and started to turn your head trying to locate the voice.

“Psst,” the voice made again.

You scanned the woods again and blended within the trees was a small girl. She gestured for you to come over and you waddled over in pain.

“Are you out here all alone? Where are your parents?” you whispered harshly.

“How many walkers have you killed?” she asked.

“What are you talking about? Where are your parents?” you winced in pain and she repeated her question.

“Um, I don't know, a lot?”

“How many people have you killed?”

“Um,” it was hard for you to think in this situation, “2.”

“Why did you kill them?”

“They were already turning and they told me to.”

She nodded at your answers and started to jog away and told you to follow her. And you did. You tried to keep up but the pain slowed you down. 

You fell to the ground and she looked at you, she grabbed your arm trying to pull you up.

“I'm sorry I can't go any farther. Just go.”

You were so tired, you just wanted to close your eyes for a little bit. You could hear the snarling but you couldn't move.

You saw blurred figures when you were trying to open your eyes but you were too weak to open them. When you finally woke up you were in a room. IV tubes were coming out of you. You got scared and started to take them out.

A man walked into the room along with a woman.

“Whoa hey, hey,” He gestures to you to calm down.

“Where am I?” you say with panic.

“You're in Alexandria,” the woman said, “it's our community. Those tubes are giving you nutrition, you are severely malnourished.”

You look down at your belly worried.

“Oh but don't worry your baby is healthy,” the man said, “I'm Siddiq, I'm the doctor here and this is Michonne, she's the leader of our town.”

She smiles at you and you calm down a little and sit back down on the bed. He started to put the tubes back in. 

“So I wasn't having contractions out in the woods?” you asked.

“No,” Siddiq says, “most likely you were experiencing Braxton-Hicks contractions or false labor pains.”

You nod at his response.

“Judging by your size I'd say you’re around the 36-week mark of your pregnancy, so I advise that you stay on bed rest.”

You nod and then Michonne starts talking, “So let's start with your name.”

“Y/N L/N.”

“Okay great,” she started to ask you a bunch of the basic questions. When she was finally done she left you alone.

Being surrounded by monitors, electricity and even the ticking of the clock was now foreign and it was giving you anxiety.

A knock on the door broke you from the noise trance, the door creaked open and a man peered in, he was tall and had a gray patchy beard, his smile was warm and kind. You smiled back at him and he stepped into the room.

“Hi sorry didn't mean to bother you but had a feeling you might be hungry, I grabbed you some fresh apples and some peanut butter from the kitchen,” he set down the plate on your lap and you happily took a bite.

It had been so long since you had real food.

“Im Negan by the way,”

You finish your piece of apple and reply with your name.

“That's a beautiful name.”

You smile at his compliment.

“Well I should let you rest,” he starts to walk towards the door.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” you ask.

“Oh, I was the one who carried you to Alexandria and just wanted to make sure you were doing all good,” he smiled again and it made you blush.

“Oh well thank you for carrying me back. We both appreciate it,” you said, rubbing your belly.

“It was no problem.”

“Oh, where's that little girl? Is she alright?”

“Judith? She's doing fine, she's doing some homework right now but I'll make sure to tell her that you're okay.”

“Thank you. Will you come visit me again?” you ask.

“If that's what you'd like. I'll bring your dinner later,” he smiled one last time and closed the door behind him.

You spent that afternoon alone and munched on your apples. Siddiq came in and out of the room making sure you and your baby were fine. 

It was around six and you were taking a small nap when you heard the door creak open. It was Negan. You looked at him and smiled.

“Oh, I didn't know you were sleeping. I can come back later if you'd like.”

“No, come in. I was just resting my eyes.”

He comes in with a plate of food for you. There was chicken, potatoes, and vegetables. When he handed you the plate you couldn't help but eat it fast. It was the first time in forever that you had an actual dinner.

He was sitting on the chair across from you and he chuckled.

You look over at him, “What, you've never seen a hungry pregnant lady before?”

He shakes his head smiling. When you were both done he took your plate and took it back to the kitchen. When he came back he gave you something wrapped in a napkin.

“What's this?” you ask.

And he gestures to you to open it and it was a chocolate chip cookie. Your eyes lit up like a kid in a candy store.

“Where did you get this?”

“One of the residents from our neighboring communities made them, her name is Carol.”

You took a bite of the cookie and it was like heaven, “Well if I ever meet this Carol I'm gonna give her a big ol’ kiss on the lips. This is the best cookie I've ever had.”

You finish the cookie and then Michonne and Siddiq come into the room. 

With them crowded around you Negan slipped out. 

There was something about him that made you feel safe and happy. 

PART 1 | PART 2 |

♡please like comment and/or reblog♡

wanna be tagged? (X)

tags: // @fandomxreader // @mrspetxrs // @negan-lover-blog // @Detective-oof //  @a-astxr // @meromelo // @alexxavicry

[floralseokjin]

⤑ made-up love song epilogue (m).

Your first encounter with Kim Seokjin doesn’t go so well, nor your second, or your third… and maybe that’s because it shouldn’t work on paper. You’re an elementary school teacher living with your best friend, and have never left the country despite hitting the third decade of your life not so long ago. He’s the dad of one of your students, nearly a decade older than you and divorced. Oh yes, and just another minor detail – he’s a multimillionaire.

Your lives are lightyears apart, yet somehow, your paths having now crossed, things just seem to fall into place…

pairing; kim seokjin x reader au/genre/warnings; strangers to lovers, single dad! seokjin, ceo! seokjin, elementary school teacher! oc, age gap (oc is 30, seokjin is 37), seokjin is a dilf, romance, fluff, a final resolution, smut; oral (male receiving), penetration, got a lot spicier than i initially imagined, oc was feeling herself words; 6,503

↪︎ chapter index

chapters; i • ii • iii  • iv • v • vi • vii • viii • ix • x • epilogue  (+ drabbles)

author’s note; fun fact, I’ve never actually written an epilogue before, but it felt fitting this time around, to tie up all the loose(ish) ends and satisfyingly bring it to a close – she says as if she isn’t writing drabble upon drabble (and more) lol but you get what I mean. I hope you enjoy! Thank you for reading ~ 

“The rabbits!” Seokjin cried out of the blue, jumping to his feet. 

Immediately you found yourself slumped into the sofa, having been leaning against him, cuddled up all morning. You sat up, confused as you looked at him. “What?”

His eyes were wide with panic. “I need to feed them! Arin will kill me if she finds out.” 

“Relax,” you chuckled, taking a hand in yours to tug him back to you. He stepped between your legs but kept standing. “They won’t starve to death. When did you feed them last?”

“Last night,” he thought. “Just after I came home from work. Maybe 7.” 

You checked his watch, seeing it was just gone eleven. “They’ll be fine for another half hour.” You stood up, tugging his hand again, but this time to lead him to the kitchen. “Come on, let’s take the stuff for brunch to your place.” 

You’d stayed in bed for a while this morning, just happily holding and kissing one another, still buzzed and definitely still basking in that post-orgasm glow. When you’d finally managed to escape the warmth of your sheets, you’d showered together. Your bathroom was a lot smaller than his – obviously – and your shower bath was even tinier, but you made it work, until you didn’t, Seokjin nearly toppling out over the side while simultaneously nearly getting rolled up in the shower curtain. Of course that had given you the giggles, but you’d composed yourself, finishing up, getting dry and then getting dressed for the day. Luckily, Seokjin had some clothes at your place, so he didn’t have to recycle the ones he’d slept in last night. 

You were treating this day like a Sunday, making the most of being lazy on the sofa before you inevitably had to go and cook brunch up. 

He stopped in his tracks, making you turn back. “You sure?” He asked, pulling you to him, nuzzling his nose against your jaw as his arms wrapped around waist. “I wanted to stay here this weekend.” 

You couldn’t stop yourself from chuckling, linking your hands around his neck as he placed a kiss behind your ear. “It doesn’t matter where we are as long as we’re together.” 

He pulled back to see you, his plump lips already curved into a smile. “You speak such truth. I’m forever awestruck by you.” 

“Shut up,” you rolled your eyes, but that didn’t stop you from stealing a small kiss. 

Seokjin decided he wanted more, pressing kiss upon kiss to your lips with enjoyable hums. “I love you,” he declared causally after the last that lingered a little. Then he grinned. “How many time will I say that today before it gets annoying?” 

You smiled fondly at him. “You could never be annoying.” You got the last kiss. “I love you.” 

.

.

A lazy day was a lazy day regardless of the house. After Seokjin made sure the rabbits were happy, fed and had fresh water, you started brunch, eating it on the kitchen island as the rain continued, falling down against the tall windows. Any other day you would have found the weather depressing, but not today. Not when you were bursting with happiness and beautifully content. Besides, that just meant you had even more of a reason to do nothing, cuddled up on Seokjin’s large corner sofa as you picked up the series the both of you had started watching a couple of weeks ago. 

At around 5pm you started toying with the idea of going out for dinner somewhere, but then you hadn’t brought along the right clothes and by now it was raining heavier than it had all day. The idea of putting on makeup made you feel even lazier, so you decided on takeout in the evening and a movie instead. 

As Seokjin was arranging the containers and plates around the coffee table, ready to dig in, movie ready to go, you slipped out a question. There’d been something on your mind all day, nothing major of course, but still, you didn’t quite know how to bring it up. 

“What time is Arin coming home tomorrow?” 

“I’m unsure,” he replied, briefly looking over at you before he opened up the black bean noodles. “I need to text Nana.” 

You nodded, opening you mouth to ask a follow up question, but hesitating last minute. He looked at you again, sensing your caution and raised a concerned eyebrow. You hated seeing him worried, so you rushed ahead. “Do you want me to go home beforehand?”

“No, of course not,” he exclaimed, before he furrowed his brow. “Unless you want to of course… If you feel uncomfortable.” 

“I don’t,” you were quick to reassure. You wanted to be there actually, if he was okay with it. “I was thinking her and I should clear the air.” 

You could see Seokjin deep in thought for a brief second before he nodded, sitting back against the sofa to take your hand. “It won’t be like last time. I promise.” 

Seokjin had already told you some of what he and Nana had spoken about Thursday evening, so you knew not to be worried about any potential conflict, but still, you didn’t want to blindside her. “We should probably check with her first though, right?” 

“Okay,” he agreed. Giving you a smile, he squeezed your thigh. “I’ll call her after the movie.” 

.

.

“Should I turn off the lamp?” 

You nodded in reply, watching Seokjin lean over his side of the bed to flick the only form of light you had off. When he rolled onto his back, you immediately pounced, hooking a leg over his hip to settle yourself on top of him, your stomachs flush. It may have nearing 12am, but sleep was not the thing on your mind. 

“Oh, hello,” he responded, happily surprised as his hands found your hips, nudging you closer. 

“Hello,” you smiled, wasting no time with meeting your mouths. 

You were a woman on a mission, knowing exactly what you wanted. Today had been lovely, and yes, you’d already had sex today, but when had that ever stopped you before? You were happy and in love and just couldn’t keep your hands (and lips) off of your boyfriend. On top of that, you were just in a great mood, full of positivity. Nana was fine with meeting tomorrow and that meant you could all clear the air and move forward. You’d finally get to see Arin again too, you’d missed her.

Things were perfect, if you did say so yourself, everything heading in the right direction, and right now you wanted to celebrate that. With Seokjin. In the best kind of way. 

“I would have kept the light on if I knew we’d be kissing,” Seokjin murmured wetly against your lips, his tongue missing yours by a second as you started to trail your way down his chin, throat and then his chest, kissing over his pyjama shirt. 

He felt you start to undo the buttons, his cock beginning to rouse expectantly which was highly amusing for you. As you exposed more and more of his chest your lips followed suit, kissing down his stomach, past his belly button to stop just above his pyjama pants, the tiny hairs that littered the skin tickling. You pulled the shirt open, working your way up again, Seokjin helpfully keeping your hair out of your eyes as he tried to hungrily watch you at work, the light of the moon shining through the gaps in the drapes casting enough light to be able to make you out. 

He let out a shaky moan when you flicked the tip of your tongue against his right nipple, laughing at himself afterwards. 

Back at his mouth, you didn’t stay too long before you sat up, straddling him. 

“Where are you going?” He wailed, annoyed you didn’t want his kisses. 

But it wasn’t that you didn’t want them, more like you wanted something else… 

You moved downwards, covers collecting at the end of the bed as you slotted in between his eagerly opening legs, his hips bucking when you cupped his now fully erect (and trapped) member. You began to run your hand up and down it, a grin on your face as you looked up. “You’re so easy.” 

Eyes having adjusted, you saw his grin was a little more bashful, eyes half lidded as he admired the view before him. “Only for you.” 

Ever the flatterer, you had him inside the warmth of your mouth in no time. You weren’t shy by any means, especially now what with all the times you and Seokjin had been intimate, but there was something about being surrounded in near darkness that gave you a fresh surge of confidence. In the glow of the moon, you could make out Seokjin’s parted lips, his eyes piercing the ceiling, giving you a glorious view of his thick neck, Adam’s apple bobbing up and down slowly as his breathing got shallower, just enjoying the moment. He looked handsome as hell – mixed with that pyjama shirt pushed sinfully open, his toned chest and stomach on full display. For you. 

Taking him deeper, you reached for him, running your hands up his stomach, feeling the firm ridges of muscle. He let out a deep moan, looking down to take your hands in his, eyes heavy with desire as he clasped them tight. You eased up a little, smiling around his cock before you started sucking the tip, caressing your tongue over him time and time again. 

He lifted his hips up, eager for more and you wrestled one of your hands free from his to clasp it around the base of his dick, feeling how wet it was from your saliva as you slowly started jerking him off, placing small, wet kisses against his slit. 

With the hand still on his torso, he slipped his fingers between yours, head relaxing back, eyes shut once he felt you softly begin to massage his balls, coating them in the spit that had dripped down onto them. You took him deeper again, picking up speed as you bobbed your head up and down. The sensation just about exploded his mind. 

“Jesus, fuck, baby,” he gasped, free hand running through his hair and tugging at the roots. “If you keep that up I’ll cum.” 

You found it cute how bad his voice trembled, pulling off to smirk. “And is that a bad thing?” 

“Nope, it’s not bad,” he agreed, a little more himself now that you’d spared him for a few seconds. “I just thought we could do some other stuff too.” 

“Some other stuff?” you laughed, lifting on your knees to crawl closer to him. You continued to massage his balls, feeling them tighten. “Like what?” 

He took a shaky breath, rolling his hips into your touch. “Like…” He paused to groan. Now you were jerking him again, your thumb rolling small circles against his slit. “Sex.” He tried again. “I want to have sex with you.” 

“You do?” 

“I always want to have sex with you.” 

And impatient now, his hands gripped your waist, tugging you to him. You squealed, fingers slipping from his cock to land on his chest, the movement sudden enough to make you think you were falling. He kissed you hastily, a soft growl in his throat as his palm grazed over your ass, fingertips playing with the frill detail of your shorts. 

“I’d be inside you 24/7 if it was possible.” 

“God, I want it to be possible so bad.” You practically lamented, his mouth on your neck now, licking strips up and down the sensitive skin. 

He made another noise, cock twitching against your thigh. You felt impatient yourself now, hands finding the collars of his shirt to push it over his shoulders, needing to strip him. He lifted his back of the bed, letting you shimmy the item off before his hands grabbed at your vest, lifting it up over your head in no time. Your mouths met in a rush, his hands palming your breasts, making you moan out, nipples sensitive as he pinched them between his thumb and forefinger. 

You went to move, wanting to get rid of his pants but he stopped you, fingers wrapping around your ribs. 

“W-wait, wait, wait, wait,” he babbled, pulling you closer. “Let me taste them.” To explain further, he caressed a finger down your left breast, making you shudder. “Mine,” he whispered possessively and then you found yourself hovering over his face, his hands cupping the soft, sensitive flesh as he kissed and sucked them in turn. 

You could feel yourself growing wetter and wetter, shorts uncomfortable as he swirled his tongue around and around your nipple, nipping it gently as he pulled away. “I love your body,” he breathed – hard. “I love you.” 

“Mhmm,” you moaned deeply, watching him suck on the other boob now. Your fingers dug into the pillow, arms trembling with pleasure. “I love you, too.” 

He made a noise of approval, finally letting you break free so you could get his pants down over his hips. His erection was so hard by now it almost stood poker straight, veins angrily visible even in the faint lighting. Pyjama pants below his knees, he eagerly kicked them off the rest of the way, watching as you peeled off your shorts. Both naked, he moaned as you straddled him, sliding up and down his cock teasingly, coating it in your arousal. 

“Honey, please,” he pleaded. His voice shook. “Don’t tease. It’s not very nice.” 

“You tease me all the time.”

He groaned weakly, unable to think of a comeback. You sat straighter, chest wet and shiny in the moonlight, his doing, and you knew he could see it too, his dark eyes watching you silently – hungrily. He looked so good, you couldn’t wait any longer. Wrapping your hand around him, you ambitiously went for it, pushing down and taking him whole. It surprised you both, groaning together as you caught your breaths. 

Although, you didn’t give him much time to get used to the feeling of your warmth hugging him tight before you began to ride him hard and fast, bouncing up and down loudly before you stopped to swivel your hips. He could feel you everywhere, his eyes practically rolling back into his head as you continued your onslaught. 

“Y/N…” He murmured, voice weak as he watched you begin to bounce on top of him again, his hands travelling up your thighs to land on your waist. “Y/N,” he tried again, unable to piece together a sentence. “Shit, keep going like that…mmfph, yeah, just like that…” 

When you felt his fingers digging into your skin you wrapped your hands around his, pushing them away. “N-no touching,” you panted, feeling him lift his legs and fold them at the knee behind you, giving you something to lean back on. 

“Seriously,” he asked, sounding annoyed, yet dreadfully turned on. 

You smirked. “I want you to lay back and watch.” 

He matched the curve of your lips. ‘Oh, I can do that no problem, honey.” He stubbornly kept his voice steady, thrusting inside of you once before he stilled his hips completely. “Could watch you ride me all night.” 

On cue, he folded his arms behind his head, biceps bulging. The casual manner got you instantly hot, bouncing along his cock a couple more times before you leaned forward, changing the angle and in turn hopefully sending him crazy. You moved back and forth, griding all over him, your arousal soaking into his pubic hair. You were wetter than usual tonight, turning yourself on as you rode him, hearing the soft squelching where your bodies met, the pressure on your clit eliciting moan after moan. 

You stared him straight in the eyes, noticing the way his jaw was clenched tight, a muscle twitching in his left cheek, but he continued to persevere, stubborn to the bone. 

That was until he felt your breasts graze against him. His hips jerked up, moaning as he was unable to stop rolling into you, and you let him, let him fuck up into you, moaning softly. 

He grunted. “Someone’s getting tired.” 

You shook your head with a whine. You could be stubborn too. Sitting up, you attempted to bounce again but his hips were working too fast by now, his fists grabbing the pillow below his head to gain some momentum. You cried out as he thrust harder, Seokjin’s own noises of pleasure gasping out of him as if he’d been holding his breath. 

“S-seokjin,” you panted, shakily holding onto his thighs. 

He wasn’t relenting. If anything he fucked you harder. “Honey, just give up,” he said matter-of-factly, yet his voice was strained, veins in his neck visible. 

Confidently he brought his hands to your hips, knowing you wouldn’t stop him now, too far gone. You let your eyes flutter closed, concentrating on how good his cock felt inside you. The beautifully crude sound of him pounding into you. 

“Yeah?” He breathed. “Let me make you feel good now. It’s your turn…” 

You nodded, moaning brokenly, and in the blink of an eye you found yourself on your back, Seokjin situated between your spread legs, finding home once again inside the warmth of your body.

You grasped his shoulders, making more noise as he rolled his hips into you, and hooked your legs around his waist, wanting him as deep as possible 

“Uh-uh-uh,” he grinned, taking your hands off him. “No touching.” 

You started complaining but then he pushed your hands above your head, holding your wrists tight with one hand. “Nghnn. Seokjin,” you moaned, feeling him start to fuck you with his entire weight. His back looked delectable and all you wanted to do was rake your fingernails down it but you couldn’t. 

Although, being pinned down by him wasn’t such a terrible thing. 

After a couple of minutes he pressed the elbow of the arm that had you imprisoned into the mattress, careful not to squash you as he brought the other hand between your legs, beginning to roll your swollen clit between his fingertips. Gasping, your legs fell back to the bed, circling your hips in time with his motions, wanting to cum now that he’d put the idea into your head. 

He chuckled at your eagerness causing you to whine. “Why d-don’t you put those lips to good use?”

“Like this, baby?” He smirked, leaning his face in closer, mouth millimetres from yours, and you just about lunged, kissing him desperately. 

He matched that urgency, at some point unable to keep your wrists in place and as soon as he let you go, you had your arms wrapped around him longingly. A groan tore from his throat, thrusts more determined as he continued to rub your clit, and you could feel your back begin to arch, toes curling into the sheets. 

He could obviously feel you squeezing around him too, ripping himself away from your mouth with a moan of your name. “Y/N. Fuck.” 

That’s all it took for you to crumble, face contorting with pleasure as you stared up at him, pulsing around him uncontrollably. 

“You’re so pretty when you cum,” he cooed, removing his hand from between your legs as he pressed soft kisses to your mouth, your orgasm continuing to wash over you in waves. “Am I pretty when I cum?” He joked, but you were too far gone to snort, let alone reply. 

He kept rolling into you, determined to keep your pleasure going for as long as possible, and you almost felt overwhelmed, back arching higher as you clung to him, a tear escaping out of one eye to run down the side of your face. He kissed it away, continuing to adore you, voice cracking, close himself now.  

“You’re my pretty woman. So pretty.” He murmured against your lips and you kissed him hard, the last of orgasm rocking through your body. Holy shit, that was a powerful one. You felt lightheaded but couldn’t get enough. 

“Fuck,” he gasped, feeling the effects as you squeezed and spasmed around him, and with one final thrust he stilled, beginning to spill inside of you. 

You cupped his face quickly, hands trembling and pushed his head up, wanting to admire his face. His plump lips were parted and shiny, beads of sweat collecting along his hairline, gaze unfocused, eyelids heavy with the weight of his pleasure. He looked positively sinful. 

You gave him a drunken smile, your own eyes barely open, and told him simply, “You’re pretty when you cum.” 

.

.

You awoke just as Seokjin was rolling over, a muscular arm reaching for you, pulling your body into his warmth. It was still raining, even harder this morning, but you didn’t care, not when you were so cosy and in love. You were still both entirely naked, which Seokjin took full advantage of, hand cupping a breast – nothing sexual in it though, more like a comfort thing. You smiled, eyes still closed and cuddled in deeper. 

“Where is he this morning?” 

There was a brief silence as he tried to work out what you were asking, but soon enough he realised and laughed, sound cracked and raspy with sleep. “He’s tuckered out after last night.” 

“Aw, diddums.” 

A Sunday morning without a boner? Blasphemy. His morning woods were part of the package, so honestly it was quite surprising to not feel him hard between your butt cheeks. 

Seokjin kissed the top of your head, making a sleepy sound, hugging you tighter to his body. “He just wants to stay in bed and cuddle this morning.” 

“That sounds perfect to me.” 

You honestly couldn’t think of anything better. 

.

.

Once you eventually dragged yourselves out of the warmth of Seokjin’s giant bed, the rest of the morning and early afternoon went by in the blink of an eye. You had just about enough time for a quick lunch before Arin was due back at 2pm, and even though you were ready to meet Nana this time, you still couldn’t stop yourself from feeling a little nervous. It was only natural, you knew that, so you didn’t dwell on it too much, but as you heard the intercom start to ring in the entryway, signalling her arrival, your worry must have been written all over your face. 

“Hey,” Seokjin said softly, calling you as you hovered by the doorway of the family room. When he saw he had your attention, he smiled warmly. “Everything’s fine.”

You gave him a reassuring smile of your own, watching him answer the call to Nana before he opened up the front door, waiting their arrival. 

Arin came in full steam ahead, her little backpack on her shoulders, her carry-on hopping behind as she attempted to ram it over the step to get inside. Nana was only just getting out of the car, you could see her slightly from where you still stood in the doorway of the family room. 

“Hello, Arin.” Seokjin greeted, amusement clear in his voice as he watched his daughter struggle. “Did you have a fun time?” 

She was too busy huffing and puffing to reply and that’s when he finally took pity on her. He reached out his arm, “Let me take your case.” 

“No!” She insisted. She was a determined little thing. “I can do–” 

She never got to finish off her sentence because as she looked forward she caught sight of you smiling at her. 

“Y/N!” She squealed, case (and dad) immediately forgotten as she ran towards you. You weren’t expecting the wave of emotion that hit you when she wrapped her arms around your middle, face in your stomach, but it was there, and it got you right in the gut. You hugged her back. “You’re here,” she beamed up happily. 

“I am,” you grinned, swallowing back your wavering voice. 

“I missed you. It’s been ages.” 

You could always count on kids to be straightforward with their words. She was going to make you cry if she carried on like this. “I missed you too.” 

“It’s only been a week, sweetie,” you heard Seokjin say. 

Arin turned to him quickly. “It’s still a long time.” Then back at you. “I thought you’d never visit again.” 

You felt your heart constrict, and unsure what to do you looked over at Seokjin, finding him equally as afflicted by his daughter’s confession. Teacher mode activated then. “No, no. I was just... busy with work, that’s all.” 

You winced inwardly at your stupid excuse, not wanting to lie to her, but unable to really tell her the truth, especially at a time like this. 

On cue, you heard Nana’s voice greeting you. “Hi, Y/N.” 

You looked over to see her stood just behind Seokjin, a small smile on her face. She seemed a little nervous herself, which selfishly relaxed you. 

“Nana,” you smiled back, “hi.” 

Seokjin cleared his throat, taking a few steps towards his daughter and you. One look at him told you he was feeling the jitters too. This was brand new territory after all – for all of you. 

“Arin, why don’t you take your backpack upstairs and I’ll tell you when mommy is going home so you can say goodbye?” 

“Okay,” she agreed simply, pulling away from you to bound upstairs before she stopped abruptly. She turned back to Seokjin and ran forward with her arms forward. “Sorry, daddy. I forgot to hug you.” 

He chuckled, bending down to kiss her head before he ruffled her hair. “That’s okay. Now, unpack your things. I’ll bring your case up later.” 

She nodded, giving her mom a wave before her attention returned to you. “Will you still be here when I get back?”

“Of course,” you nodded, ignoring the fresh tug at your heartstrings. 

“She really likes you,” Nana observed just as you lost sight of Arin going up the staircase. 

You shook your head, chuckling as you replied modestly, “I don’t know about that.” 

“She does,” she insisted, smiling afterwards. “It’s nice to see. I’m glad she’s happy with everything.” 

You nodded, unsure what to respond with, but Seokjin saved the day. “Do you want something to drink?” 

Nana shook her hand. “I’m okay, thanks. I won’t stay long. I don’t want to interrupt your afternoon.” 

Seokjin gestured her to enter the room, then moved back to take your hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze as he brought you forward, wanting you to go next, putting the hand on the small of your back instead now. His touch calmed you. 

“Sit,” he prompted Nana warmly, and she perched herself on the edge of the teal love seat. 

“I like what you’ve done with the place by the way,” she said politely, looking around. 

“You and me both know I just threw some new throw cushions down,” he laughed, attempting to ease the atmosphere.  

Nana joined in just as you sat down on the far end of the sofa. Instead of taking the seat next to you, Seokjin perched himself on the armrest, loosely throwing his arm around the backrest, fingers grazing your shoulder. 

Nana’s attention fell to you, her expression now serious. “Y/N, I want to apologise to you.” She began. “I was out of order last weekend. I was angry but that’s no excuse.” 

“I appreciate it,” you replied, finding your bearings. “I understand it was a shock to find out about me.” 

“It was, but I still acted embarrassingly.” She looked down at the floor, ashamed of herself. “To think that’s your first impression of me.”

She had said some terrible things, yes. Not only to you, but Seokjin too, but, Seokjin had also said plenty of cruel things back. You weren’t one to hold a grudge, especially if she was showing genuine remorse, which you believed to be the case. 

“We can start anew if you like?” You offered with a small smile. 

She visibly relaxed. “I’d like that.” Then she hesitated before deciding to carry on. “I meant what I said, it seems like Arin really likes you. I trust my daughter’s intuition.” 

“She really does,” Seokjin agreed with a hum, rubbing your shoulder. 

“She’s been talking about you over the weekend – not that I’ve been prying of course,” Nana was quick to clarify. “You’re good with her.” She looked you straight in the eyes. “Thank you for accepting my child.” 

You weren’t used to having this much praise and attention thrown your way, you didn’t really know what to say, but that was alright, you didn’t think Nana was looking for an outright response. You understood how important this was for her. She needed to trust the woman that spent time with her daughter, just like Seokjin had grown to trust you. It was slightly more difficult for her considering she wouldn’t be spending a lot of time in your company, so all she really had to go off was Arin’s opinion on you. It meant a lot to know she had given you a chance. Last week you had been afraid that might not be the case. 

You smiled gratefully. “She’s really special.” 

“Yes, Y/N says she’s a talented storyteller,” Seokjin mentioned soon after, helping the conversation along as if he could sense that you felt awkward with all the attention cast on you. He knew you too well. 

“Oh really?” Nana looked delighted, eyes on you as she waited for more information. 

You nodded, complimenting Arin coming easy to you. “The stories she wrote while I was her teacher were amazing.” 

“I have the copies somewhere if you want to read them yourself,” Seokjin offered. 

“I’d love that,” she beamed. “Thank you, Seokjin.” 

“No problem. I’ll find them this week.” 

Nana’s gaze happened to fall to Seokjin’s hand still comfortably on your shoulder then, and her smile faltered. In its place appeared guilt. “Listen, I... I hope I didn’t come in between you both because of last weekend.” She turned to you. “I know mine and Jin’s relationship seems toxic and it was until a few days but I,” she paused to glance at Seokjin, “I really want to change that.” 

“You know I do too,” he agreed. 

“I don’t want to fight anymore, or have things tense between us. We both love Arin.” She caught your eyes. “We all love Arin, so that’s the most important thing.” 

You looked down at your lap but nodded in agreement. Arin’s happiness was what mattered the most. 

“It is,” Seokjin replied. 

Nana smiled, satisfied, and stood up. “Okay, I should get going.” You both followed her, starting to walk towards the doorway. 

“Um, I managed to get that Wednesday afternoon free,” she told Seokjin, “is it okay if I collect Arin from school and take her for something to eat?”

“Of course. I know this great pizza place she loves if you want the name.” 

“She already told me about it,” Nana chuckled. “I think she was dropping hints, but directions would be great. Thanks, Jin.” 

“No problem.” He stopped by the staircase, voice raising quite a lot to reach Arin in her bedroom. “Arin, your mom’s leaving. Come say bye, sweetie.” 

In no time at all she was galloping down the stairs. “Will I see you Wednesday?” She asked her mom eagerly. 

“You betcha! How does pizza sound?”

“Yay, thank you, mom!” She squealed, going in for a hug as Nana bent down.  

“I’ll see you in a couple of days, okay, darling. I love you.” 

“I love you more,” Arin murmured sweetly, kissing her mother’s cheek. 

Nana kissed her back, chuckling. “Not possible, but okay.” Then she stood up, nodding to you and Seokjin with a small smile. “Bye both. I’ll see you Wednesday?” 

“See you Wednesday,” Jin confirmed. 

.

. 

You spent the afternoon playing board games together, Seokjin finding a bunch of his old collection in the attic and you had fun teaching Arin how to play, although she didn’t quite grasp the full idea of monopoly yet, wanting to buy everything in sight regardless of if she had enough money or not… It was funny to say the least, even more so when Seokjin was unable to refuse her, loaning her money from the bank time and time again. 

Where’s my special treatment, you’d teased quietly when Arin was distracted, secretly finding it adorable how much of a softie he was when it came to his daughter. 

“You know I’d buy you anything you want,” he’d replied with a grin, unable to stop himself from stealing a quick kiss. 

At around 6pm, you and Seokjin began preparing dinner for the three of you. Only you left him in charge for a little while when you followed after Arin who had gone to feed her rabbits, wanting time alone to talk with her. You hadn’t been able to stop feeling guilty about effectively lying to her earlier and after confiding in Seokjin about it while Arin was unpacking her suitcase, he’d suggested you speak to her about it. He agreed that honesty was the best policy from here on in (within reason, of course) and that she obviously understood something had been wrong last week else she wouldn’t have reacted the way she had when she’d seen you earlier this afternoon. 

She was only getting older and that meant as much transparency as possible when she was personally involved in something. She was at that age where these things would stick with her. Although hopefully nothing like last week would ever happen again. 

You stood by the doorway watching as she cooed and conversed with the Olive and Ariel at first, not wanting to interrupt. She was such a great little pet owner, making sure they were fed and watered enough, helping to clean their hutch, watching over them when they played outside. She adored them. 

After a few moments she noticed you. “Oh, Y/N,” she smiled, “is dinner ready?” 

You shook your head. “Not yet.” Stepping closer you joined her, watching the rabbits bound about. Seokjin had found the largest hutch imaginable. “Did you miss them?” 

“Yes, but daddy has been feeding them well.” 

You stifled a laugh, remembering Seokjin’s panic yesterday morning, but then crossed your arms, clearing your throat. “Hey, listen,” you began cautiously, feeling a little nervous. Arin looked up at you curiously. “Remember when I said I didn’t come over because I was busy with work?” 

She paused to think and then nodded. 

“I was lying actually, Arin.” 

Her eyebrows pinched together. “How come?”  

“Because… I didn’t want to worry you.” 

She took some time to process what you were saying before she shrugged matter-of-factly. “I was still pretty worried last week anyway.”

You smiled sadly. “I know, and I’m sorry about that. Your dad and I…” 

“Did you have an argument?” She was looking up at you curiously, finger playing with Olive and Ariel’s water bottle. 

“Something like that,” you nodded. “It was more of a disagreement.” 

“I thought so because daddy was sad all week.” 

Her honesty stabbed at your heart. 

“Were you sad too,” she asked. 

“Very.” 

“But you’re happy now?”

You smiled at her. “Yes, everything is all fine now. Me and your dad are happy.” 

She looked happy herself at that piece of information, relaxing visibly, but then she asked a question that caught you off guard. “Do you know if daddy and my mom are happy too?” 

“I think so.” You replied as vaguely as you could, not wanting to overstep the mark. But it didn’t feel right. You tried again. “I think things will be different from now on, Arin.” 

“I hope so. I hate it when they argue.” She sounded sad, her gaze cast to the floor. 

“I know. No one likes watching their parents fight.” you sympathised. 

“What about you and my mom?” She asked suddenly, changing the subject a little. “Are you happy?” 

“Yes, I think so.” You smiled at her. “I like your mom. She’s very pretty just like you.” 

Arin beamed and then added, “You’re pretty too.” 

You wrapped an arm around her shoulders, giving her a squeeze. “Thank you.” 

“Don’t worry,” she almost whispered, “I won’t use that word again.” 

You were clueless for a moment, not understanding what she meant but then it hit you. She carried on. 

“Not until we all decide. Mommy said I might call you that one day if you want me to.” 

For the second time today you felt emotional, throat tight as you choked up suddenly. You composed yourself expertly though, taking a breath before you smiled and replied. “That’s right. There’s no rush for when we all decide.”  

Arin nodded along happily and you took her hand. 

“Should we go and check on daddy now? See if dinner’s ready?”

“I think so.” She agreed, her eyes rolling slightly. “Last week he set off the alarms because he burned my chicken nuggets.” 

“Oh, gosh,” you said, soon spluttering out a laugh. Arin joined in. Seokjin had failed to tell you that (hilarious) piece of information. “Well then, let’s hurry.” 

Seokjin was searching the pantry for something when you arrived back at the kitchen. “Hey,” he said, shooting a warm smile your way. “How’s my two favourite ladies?”

You looked down at Arin, wanting her to reply and she beamed at her father. “Happy.” 

You nodded in agreement, catching Seokjin’s eyes as you shared a private moment, silently telling him everything was fine now. He shot you a playful wink then, closing the door. “That’s funny, because I’m happy too.” 

You moved closer to him, collecting the messy ties of the apron he insisted on wearing whenever he was in the kitchen to retie them properly. “We were just checking in to see if the chef was burning dinner again…” 

With a surprised huff, he turned to his daughter, eyes wide. “Kim Arin did you tell tales on me?”

Arin erupted into a fit of giggles, you and Seokjin joining in immediately. “Maybe…” 

“It was an accident. Happens to the best of us,” he tried to defend. 

“Sure, sure.” 

Arin was greatly amused by your flippant response, but soon grew sympathetic towards her dad, stroking his elbow. “It’s okay, dad, I forgive you.” 

“That’s very kind of you,” he laughed. 

“Should I set the table?” 

“And that’s very sweet of you,” he added, eyes shooting wide. “Thank you.” 

You helped her get all the cutlery she needed and watched her leave for the dining room determinedly. But your attention soon got stolen away, pulled into Seokjin’s warmth as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders. You hooked yours around his middle. 

“Okay?” He murmured, checking in as he placed a kiss on your forehead. 

You looked up at him, a smile on your face and gave his waist a squeeze. 

“Okay.” You confirmed. 

Everything was more than okay, actually. 

Everything was perfect. 

Written 2020 - 2021. Please refrain from posting my work elsewhere. No translations allowed. © floralseokjin 2021

[tisthenightofthewitch]

Q&A With Ghost’s Tobias Forge Before The El Paso Show

Swedish heavy rock star Ghost arrives in El Paso, co-headlining alongside Volbeat at 7 p.m. Monday, February 28 at the Don Haskins Center with special guests Twin Temple.

El Paso Inc. caught up with the band’s frontman, Tobias Forge, who onstage leads the band of nameless ghouls as the evil Papa Emeritus IV. He opened up about Ghost’s upcoming fifth album, “Impera,” his love for “divorce rock” and whether he’ll ever work with Taylor Swift’s producer.

Q: Tell us about your love for Blue Öyster Cult.

I think the BÖC thing was a bit overdone because people early in our career were skeptical. They thought we were copying everything from them because we were doing some kind of 70s rock with tight vocals on it.

It’s by no means a disagreement with BÖC, I’m a fan, but they never really meant as much as people think. I really like 70s divorce rock – big grown man rock as opposed to punk rock. … In general, bands like Boston, Foreigner or Genesis are probably higher on that kind of AOR list for me.

Q: Did you call it “divorce rock”?

Yeah! Because they were always talking about divorce. They were always talking about love. If you listen to Boston, Journey, Kansas, Toto, it’s always grown men getting divorced. … It’s always ‘Oh Diane! We spent a few years together…’ you know?

That’s why I call it adult rock. It’s a good hi-fi system, well produced, with very good vocals. I love that stuff, and Ghost has always been inspired by that, combined with younger extreme rock, punk and metal that has a bit more of a teenage bite to it.

Q: Many metal bands are afraid of getting too catchy, but bands like Ghost and Volbeat often have catchy teeth. Does any of it come from Sweden, where a lot of pop music producers/writers come from?

I am very radio. I had popular youth culture from day one. There were no borders. I was exposed to a lot of music.

My mom was born in the 1940s, so she had all the 60s stuff: Beatles, Stones, Pink Floyd, Janis Joplin, Jimi Hendrix, Bob Dylan, Neil Young. My brother was a big music lover. I got hard rock and punk rock from him. He was also very fond of pop music.

All of that combined is definitely why Ghost is what it is. It’s a combination of top 40 rock music from the 80s – and it can range from Nik Kershaw to Survivor. “Total Eclipse of the Heart”, “Shadow in the Moonlight”, “Owner of a Lonely Heart”.

Q: It’s funny that you mention “Total Eclipse of the Heart” because Bonnie Tyler covered a Blue Öyster Cult song on “Going Through the Motions”.

I think what’s really polluted the (metal) genre over the last 40 years is that a lot of bands have always played rock to sound like a specific band. In the 70s every band wanted to sound like Led Zeppelin, Deep Purple or Black Sabbath, depending on your level of stoner I guess.

Or, if you like makeup, you wanted to look like Kiss or The Sweet. In the 80s, you had your Judas Priest fans, your Maiden fans, your Venom fans, and your Kreator fans.

If you go down to the demo level of bands that never really made it, they sound like a clone of those bands. And if you look at a group photo, they’re all wearing that group’s shirts.

I’ve always wanted – even in my old death metal bands – to combine influences. Everything I listened to was there, like melodies. They were hidden, but I could still point to something like, a transition that was taken from Blondie or whatever…

Ghost is a bit more androgynous, and that can be a bit of a red flag for some people.

Q: Have you ever wanted to work with Max Martin, the producer of Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, P!nk, The Weeknd and Coldplay?

That would be great! We’re kind of in each other’s orbits. Klas Ahlund (producer), with whom I made two records, is very good friends with him. …

One thing that’s important to know about songwriters and co-writers is that the ones I work with are the ones I have a relationship with and have worked with before. We work together because we have something…

I tried to write with others, but it doesn’t work, because if you don’t have a spark, then it doesn’t work.

Q: Each Ghost record had a different producer until now. What prompted you to return to Klas?

The thing is, you have to keep moving so you don’t get stuck in a friendly, comfortable mode. “Meliora”, the record I made with Klas, was really good, but the recording and the production itself left a few things for improvement. …

When it came time to record “Impera,” the writing and demo had been done in 2020. But in early 2021, the American producer who was supposed to make the record couldn’t come because of travel restrictions, and I couldn’t go to America.

And because Klas is also a very programmed person, he had a failed project. All of a sudden, he had a few months off, and I was like, “That’s good, because I don’t have a producer, would you like to produce the record?”

El Paso Inc