#and ive got like 60 other than that but some of that is for creative cloud

[tsubasaclones]

my friends are so supportive <3

[turigirl]

Could you tell us either abt ur ocs or your f/os? :-)

hi anon i love you

my ocs that ive been thinking about most lately have been those under the tag "fine & mellow" :o) theyre a 60s girl band! ive read a lot about the dynamics of popular bands, specifically in this time period, and i think the love-hate relationship that usually results is really interesting.

i think if i ever illustrated it in some way (art or writing or etc) id want it to be a comic. maybe a webcomic, maybe a physical comic. im not super sure on that.

id want to include things like interviews, magazine covers, album covers, photos of them, etc, played as from a real band (as real as a picture of furries can be). i have a list of album names and song ideas for each one (some being existing songs to pretend are theirs, some being "original" songs. meaning i made it up)

the band is founded in 1959 by dominique dalmatian, who is the main character. she's reserved- not shy necessarily but cautious of every new person she meets. she has bpd (projectionn of my symptomsss) and depression that creeps in slowly and immobilizes her. and she plays bass! she has a strong work ethic and will push her feelings (and others') aside to finish her work, in this case being f&m's albums.

fine & mellow is the name of the band, by the way, to be clear. it's named after a jazz standard and slowly becomes more and more ironic.

there are other guitarists before, of course, but the most important one is laura labradoodle. she's peppy and brings a lighter tone to their music as well as a more romantic light. shes a brilliant songwriter, despite it being really just a hobby. shes a full time photographer when they recruit her. when she joins in 1962, the band as a whole changes. she and dom write songs together, becoming closer and closer. that relationship and how it bends and breaks is especially what i would focus on. there's something so heartbreaking about getting so close, hearing a part of the others soul, only for something to backfire and send the band into a downward spiral.

clears my throat. so anyway, the drummer is named lolly lamb, and she stays from the beginning (until she's pushed out by jackie, who you'll hear about in a sec). she adores 40s and 50s fashion and has a seemingly instinctual sense of beat. drumming for f&m started out as a favor for her friend and ended up becoming so much more for her, and the rest of them.

in early 1964, after a couple months of no creative breaks, laura brings in... a hairdresser. her name is jackie jackrabbit, and she stares at the other two like they've grown new heads. but she's laura's friend, and they know the moment she sings with them that they've got something special. jackie is a little snobby and a little blunt, but manages to fit in fairly well. she can't play an instrument, but her singing ability more than makes up for it, and laura hands her a tambourine a few months later.

they release an album in july, and it seems to be the domino piece slowly falling into place. after months of arguing with jackie, lolly leaves the band.

they hire a session drummer, LAYLA, but she quickly becomes their permanent drummer for their next albums. layla (stylized in all caps) is the stage name of susie sloth-bear, a drummer who first got famous as a model. but she was good, playing as a session drummer across the states.

but the making of their next album with layla is FULL of arguments, and they go on a 5 month hiatus. the hiatus gave them the new material they were looking for, but they struggled to work together in making them. most of the songs on the next album would be mainly played by one individual member. only layla collaborated with the other three. the damage was done, and their 1967 album, fittingly titled "kill the lights," would be their last.

so that was kinda long, huh? i still don't have everything set in stone, but here's a summary probably way longer than you expected. they also all have refs! which are on my toyhouse (link). i would upload them here, and someday i might get around to it, but i dont have the energy to write ids for all of em. so. ill leave it at all this. if anyone has any questions, though, id be happy to answer :o) im still workin out the kinks!

[ankhisms]

thought a lot about art today as i mentioned earlier.. this will be very jumbled rambling but i shall now expand

after my mom and i got groceries today we stopped at this building that was hosting an art showing of a local art group, my mom wanted to go because she recently sort of reconnected with a lady she went to college with and this womans paintings were in the art showing so she wanted to see. we both ended up not being very impressed with the majority of the work at the showing, the lady who my mom knew probably had the paintings that i liked the most even without knowing beforehand that it was her. i always try to be very fair when it comes to art and im of the mind that even if i dont like a certain style or a certain piece of art that doesnt make it bad or devoid of meaning and doesnt mean its not meaningful and good to someone else, and i think art is something that every person is capable of doing in some fashion no matter your skill levels or capabilities theres so many ways to create art and thats what makes art so beautiful and amazing and deeply human. i really am aware that in the past ive been surrounded by very unhealthy and toxic mindsets when its come to art and its ended up hurting me and my growth as an artist and im still unlearning and working through allowing myself to be messy and make "bad" art.

so with that being said at the same time ive had this weird feeling that im not entirely comfortable with where like.. i looked at a lot of the paintings that were supposed to be realistic landscapes or still life and thought "i could paint this better". and i dont like having that thought. it feels petty and mean spirited. i dont want to be someone who thinks theyre better than others, and honestly my thoughts about myself and my creative work are usually the complete opposite. but for some context all of the women artists in this show were 60-70 years old and almost all of them had some kind of art degree, ranging from bachelors to masters degrees in art and several of them are art professors or teachers. one of them specifically whos paintings did not impress me is a painting teacher at my old college. all of them are clearly coming from wealthier backgrounds than me and my family and i should note that all of them are white, there were no women of color having their work showcased in this.

and it just feels very strange because its like i dont like having the thought "i could do a better painting than this" but at the same time... these ladies all have had so many more opportunities than me and my mom as artists and its like. from looking at the paintings of the one painting professors i felt almost relieved that i didnt take art classes at college when before i had felt kind of sad that i didnt have time in my schedule to take any art classes, because like it was very clear looking at these paintings that this lady doesnt have very basic art theory stuff in mind that i have taught myself with no real art schooling.

but then again i circle back into thinking about how i dont think people should have to have any real technical training in order to do art and people certainly dont have to go to school in art to be an artist yknow as i said before i think every person is capable of creating things and that art is a deeply human thing that is within each of us

i think its just weird because i know how privledged these women are, moreso than my mother and i, and they all are so much older than me and are supposed to be professional artists and yet its like you havent even done really basic stuff where your still life and your landscape look worse than the paintings i was doing in highschool. part of me feels like im just being bitter and maybe i am. i genuinely think my mother is an amazing artist thats not just me being biased because im her child ive talked before about my complex relationship with my mother but she genuinely is skilled and dedicated to her craft she works her ass off to have our family just scrape by and she works on her art whenever she has a little bit of time and the pieces she does are so beautiful and breath taking. but she was talking about how we dont have the money to properly frame any of her work and real frames like the ones in that showing cost a lot of money and part of me just has this anger inside me like. why do these rich ladies with their mediocre paintings get to be in galleries and be art teachers when my mom and her beautiful artwork doesnt stand a chance of ever getting in a gallery. and then i start thinking of all the amazing artists i know or follow online and how many of them are just struggling to stay alive and get their basic needs met and i get even angrier.

so yeah i dont really know if im contridicting myself by feeling that art should be accessible to everyone and that everyone is capable of doing art and wanting to encourage artists at all levels and not be an asshole needlessly to artists but at the same time. i was not impressed and felt bitter i guess. because of the rich ladies paintings. then again these ladies are calling themselves professionals and putting their work in galleries so i guess its not the same as just like seeing art online like i guess you have to expect people to critique you if youre calling yourself an art professional and having your work be displayed. anyway thanks if you read this love you

[kraptos]

Okay- I'm a lil curious. Is the timeline in Agapē universe alot different than what we have in canon?

Considering that Kratos is around 1000 years old and time-blind while Agapē implies that AOS is the oldest between the two; it got me thinking that AOS was pulled into some dark sorcery shenanigans during his time in scandinavian since he arrived first before Kratos. Feel like Faye had something to do with it,,,,

or maybe it's just me xD

Excited for the next chapter tho! Happy 2023! 🎉💕✨

hi! i have been waiting for this question for years and i am so glad no one asked until after ragnarok came out LOL before i knew how GOWR was gonna go i had two different explanations, but now since i know the story i can say for sure what's the deal w the timeline. i will also say there's nothing off the top of my head that conflicts w your theory!! so if you want to take that as agapē canon, i think that's safe! and also a hella cool idea :]

in all honesty agapē is, at its core, v silly and self indulgent, so i just took the timeline for the games and squashed it into about 60 years or so, canon be damned. it's not very creative or plausible but to me AOS is just a plain old mortal dude and i've never thought about anything happening to change to that tbh. its just too funny to me that he can get away w treating kratos like a kid all the time (& kratos is infatuated with him anyway) when there's nothing special about him at all. there's a little tidbit coming in chapter 11 where kratos kinda has a thought about how he'll outlive atreus bc he's a god. so i guess in agapē he'll still live for thousands of years, & they just haven't happened yet.

if you want the uhhhhhhhh other explanation for why atreus of sparta is still alive. look below. aha WARNING: MAJOR GOW RAGNAROK SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

ive been planning to write a sequel with AOS in Ragnarok for a while now and uhhhhhhhh i was seriously considering making him odin/an illusion created by odin. i was going to be absolutely diabolically evil. kratos was convinced he was fake for a hot second after he first found him in agapē, and i was going to make his gut feeling be right. but tyr was odin in canon. so now i can 100% say with certainty that i will not do that LOL he's a just a guy!!!! and i have so many wholesome little ideas in my head for this next fic now :) (cough cough feel free to ask cough)

sorry for my very long winded response!!!! i love AOS so much... i can't help myself.

happy new year to you too!! 🎊 i am honored you're ringing in 2023 by thinking of my fic 😢 hoping to update here soon, the chapter is done just doing some last edits on my end and letting my betas take a look :D

[bolandoando]

hmm that 90s show looks like booty, ive never finished that 70s show + every time i rewatch i stop at the end of season 5 bc thats when the humor loses its novelty for me and the audience laughter gets distracting. i always liked the attention to detail in the extras and how many cute outfits there were even in the background actors and the first season definitely felt autobiographical, but at a certain point the writers stopped introducing side characters and painted themselves into a corner not only by starting the show on 1976 and stretching the decade out by 4 years but also by ending the world-building. it came to a point where these 6 friends had absolutely no other friends, no new gfs/bfs and no reason to still be stuck in wisconsin at their grown up 30yr old age. none of those characters wouldve stuck around in that small town and instead of expanding the world and cast, they cut out donnas sister early on (which couldve led naturally to a younger cast/friend group that couldve continued the show as the older cast graduated hs and moved away), brought in no new diverse blood (scared off reagan gomez who wouldve been a fun addition but refused to be typecast, idk how white wisconsin is but the show couldve been more progressive) and stopped introducing major events in history which is what made the world so relateable and real, and cut out joseph gordon levitts gay character bc audiences didnt react well (considering the 70s, certainly the 60s, was more progressive about sex and gender, its pathetic how easily the writers were cowed and they shouldntve been afraid to address topics especially since it was funny and brought new material and actors to the show whose story got repetitive very quickly and wouldve benefited from new conflict). the idea of making hyde black was stupid as hell and unrealistic. why not just invite a black actor to the gang ? and i know sitcoms wear out their stay always but i think the writers really fucked it by letting things get stale. if donna was a combative feminist why didnt she have any women friends ? certainly she would know some lesbians and this feminist trait was abandoned at a point when it rlly should not have. it wouldve been fun to see her involved in the movement and get challenged on her beliefs and introduced other women actors who perhaps disagreed on her experience as a white feminist and brought more conflict to the show. idk im just thinking about the possible degrassi topics they couldve dealt with but with humor. her characterization was confused at times bc she was meant to be one of the guys but shes the least chill person in the bunch and was often hypocritical and as bratty and unreasonable as jackie. theres also no way jackie didnt have a posse of girlfriends, she may have been bossy and unlikeable in that world but she was most certainly popular in high school so to make it seem like she had absolutely no other friend group was a wasted opportunity. kelso 100% had other friends that couldve been introduced, there couldve been more parties more love interests more shenanigans if ppl outside of the friend group were acknowledged. theres political movements that couldve been used in the show for more than an episode and just more attempts at sincerity which the show lost. also fez lost his tan and looked quite like flaccid pasty playdoh i cant believe he got w so many underaged It girls at the time. ideally the writers shouldve either started the show by disregarding the pilot episode’s new year party and just slipped it in that actually its 1971 or they shouldve committed to having a tight and well written 4 seasons. i know that 80s show failed out the bat and i believe its bc the writers lost their imagination and the show was no longer a personal story but just a cash cow. there are so many stories of the 80s that couldve been told bc so much happened, so many cultural moments and idk the writers just werent creative anymore. the trailer for that 90s show looks like a nickelodeon show in the casting and i wonder how realistic it’ll get or how good it’ll be

[tomatograter]

do you have advice for someone who’s writing a heavily illustrated fic / pseudo-fanventure ig and has written and drawn before but not necessarily combined the two? just like in terms of a few big things it’s worth knowing or keeping in mind

Im going to start answering this as though it is a question about comics in general, then more into the specifics of the format.

Step 1: Accept that, like everything with sequential art, you'll most likely be operating at a good 60% of your drawing ability for most of the panels. This is okay. I am of the belief that this should be encouraged, and great comic artists will tell anyone who wants to hear it that not every panel is going to be the greatest panel you've ever drawn - it just has to advance the story you're telling. In a traditional format, what we usually say is "pick one panel thats meant to look good at a time where that enriches the story(or the world), and focus on making the art be useful in all the rest." Simplify!

An excess of prettitudes can sometimes work against you. It may not match the mood, the setting, the atmosphere, your work speed, your wrist health, your feasible output etc. Play with what DOES!

In the style usually associated with homestuck, this means... sprites, single shots, style changes, panels with no background at all, reusing assets, and more. I like how "Inconsistency" is the only true rule on homestuck's visual side. Put the little perfectionist critic in the back of your head to sleep and get through the not-so-gorgeous parts. You'll eventually improve and find a comfortable pace.

All the other steps: You don't actually need to mimic HS style if you don't wanna. Not even the designs. Put your spin on it. Same goes for the narrative. HS is famously verbose and text-heavy, and where it succeeds is mixing the visuals in a way they accompany the text without drowning it out. Some things you only have to see to understand, other things you only have to read about to get, and there's rarely a repetition, because in the final context's perspective both count as equal pieces of the main text.

Figure out what can be conveyed in visuals and what can be conveyed through words, and what subtleties arise when you mix the two. Dont underestimate your audience for the sake of explaining EVERYTHING that is going on at all times inside and outside a characters head as well as around the world. If someone makes a sad face we know they're sad. If we've seen why they're sad, we don't have to say it again, but if it can perhaps be enhanced by providing a further context and depth through words- then perhaps you should do that. ("Vriska steps on 8 balls. She does this often since there's lots of cracked ones around the house. We can see this. We know she associates this with addiction and a strike of bad luck because she says so, however")

If you don't want to write a novel, but want to write pesterlogs, you don't need to write a novel! Make the narration short and sweet to the point it is simply useful and let the panels and conversations do the rest. Similarly, you dont want to write big meandering and long-winded convos? You can switch up the style and make it a little bit more prose-based with visuals to enhance it. Don't want to draw a lot? Invest in the prose+dialog and let your illustrations come in at key moments instead of driving the whole car. As long as you balance out the three things to make up for where you believe you're lacking the most prowess, it'll be fine. Experiment.

Most of homestuck is a result of improvisation, so while i cant say "you NEED to know where your story is going/how it will end before starting it" having a vague idea of how big you want it to be, where it might finish, and a realistic estimation of how much work it will take to get there is great for when your creativity and drive is running low. Having main story beats written down and a general concept for what the chapter, the arc, or the whole is meant to convey is very helpful in the case you get... stuck. You dont need to make it a 100 chapter epic if an oneshot or 3-parter suffices. Have fun. Put some things that are meant to be jokes and gifts to yourself. You also dont NEED to include the entire extended cast and a gaggle of extras if you don't want to. Ive seen a number of fanventures pop up and then be promptly abandoned because they got too expansive too quickly, and the author lost interest in the broad scope of it. Focus on what you want to write and draw about. If you can do that well, someone's guaranteed to like it, and that's better than trying to please everybody.

Also, while it might look effortless, doing this kind of narrative takes time. Even if you cut corners! It doesn't look finished until you put it all together, and sometimes you'll still be editing right before you publish so the text goes better with the pictures or the pictures go better with the words. "Being frustrated with the process" is unfortunately a reality for comics. This is why I'm always annoying about the 'put in things you think are fun' bit. Learning patience goes a long way.

Also, self-advertise. Shamelessly.

[msf-diamond-dog]

I SAID ANSWER ALL THE MF QUESTIONS BEECH DONT MAKE ME COME OVER THERE

Okie dokii

1. What’s one animal you wish you could have as a pet but can’t?

jellyfish

2. Favorite thing to wear to sleep?

Usually just shorts and a tshirt

3. What song really gets you going?

Right now, Lights Out by 3Teeth

4. Where do you usually eat your meals?

In my bedroom

5. Favorite meal: breakfast, lunch, or dinner?

I dont eat breakfast or lunch so

6. Most embarrassing habit?

Bein an asshole

7. Chocolate or fruity candy?

Fruity

8. Soft or hard tacos?

Depends on the taco, man.

9. Worst way to break up a fight?

/ryan stiles voice/ you guys wanna stop a fight

10. Best thing to say in an elevator of strangers?

I aint talk to people

11. What color/design are your bedsheets?

Just gray flannel

12. Any hidden talents?

I aint even got any obvious ones,

13. Favorite thing to drink out of (mug, glass, etc.)?

I love a good pint glass.

14. Socks or bare feet around the house?

Barefeet

15. Favorite board game?

Candyland bitches

16. Do you sleep with the fan on or off?

Always on

17. Heat on or keep it cold with lots of layers?

Cold with lots of layers.

18. Do you sing in the shower?

Always

19. Favorite song to belt out at the top of your lungs when you’re alone?

Grave by Hellyeah

20. Last thing you cried about?

Anxiety attack a couple weeks ago

21. At what age did you first have alcohol?

21, didnt have any before then

22. Relationship status?

Single but into someone

23. What’s the most amount of money you’ve spent on a single item of clothing?

I dont spend a ton on clothes but I think I payed like 60 dollars for a band shirt once

24. What do you typically wear to formal events?

Nicer clothes than usual?

25. Favorite memory?

Just bein a chill happy kid honestly,

26. Gum or breath mints?

Gum

27. Favorite shoes?

Mah boots.

28. If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

This whole how I look situation.

29. What is the natural state of your hair?

I gots a shaved head

30. Have you ever had braces?

No, wish I did though, I hate my smile

31. Most dangerous thing you’ve ever done?

Overdose.

32. Most embarrassing thing your parents have caught you doing?

I dont know really. I think I embarrass my parents more than the other way around

33. Last time you had an orgasm?

A couple nights ago

34. Celebrity crush(es)?

Legit dont have any. I have no connection with any of them so

35. Windows or Mac?

Windows

36. How old were you when you learned to ride a bike?

Uhhh 7. Our neighbor taught me.

37. Makeup or natural?

Both. Both is good.

38. What color do you wear the most?

Black!

39. Favorite season?

Winter all the way

40. Umbrella or rain coat?

I live in the desert and it hasnt rained in like 6 months so neither. Whenever it rains I just stand outside.

41. Have you ever fallen out of a tree?

Prolly happened as a kid but I dont remember. We had a tree we all used to love climbing at the house I was a youngin at.

42. First car you ever owned?

Same car I have now, my 91 Nissian Pickup.

43. What time do you usually go to bed?

Anywhere from 12 to 2 am.

44. Are you a competitive person?

Not really no.

45. Least favorite color?

Yellow

46. First pet you’ve ever owned?

A fishy

47. Sweet or salty?

Why not both

48. Favorite pasta dish?

Anything with basil and olive oil 👌

49. Favorite kind of chips?

Nitro Takis are the shit

50. Talk about something you’re passionate about.

Music. Nuff said.

51. What are some of your hobbies?

Music, video games, gunpla, legos, anything that kinda creative really

52. Caffeine? If so, what kind?

Monsters

53. Favorite kind of pizza?

Extra pepperoni with anchovies 👌

54. Fast food or sit-down restaurant?

Fast food. I dont like eating around people

55. Lots of acquaintances or a handful of close friends?

Close friends.

56. Something that ruins your appetite?

Being in a bad mood

57. Favorite labels about you?

Eh

58. Are you a religious person?

Not anymore. I grew up that way but organized religion always pisses me off. Im much more spiritual

59. Night out with a bunch of friends in public or night in with one friend having deep conversations?

One friend

60. What size shoe do you wear?

11 1/2

61. Favorite thing about yourself?

The fact most people cant read my sarcasm

62. Have you ever told someone you loved them first?

I dont think anyone has ever told me first

63. Have you ever had sex on the first date?

Kinda sorta?

64. Heroes or villains?

Maximals all the way.

65. Favorite fruit?

Prolly mangos or strawberries

66. Least favorite fruit?

Unripe melon.

67. Favorite vegetable?

Potates

68. Least favorite vegetable?

I like all the ones ive had Im not picky but the lowest prolly be carrots?

69. How many plates can you eat at a buffet?

Usually 2 or 3

70. Favorite dessert?

Whiskey

71. Do you play any sports?

No, never been my thing

72. Age you learned how to swim?

7 or 8 I think.

73. Tell a funny story.

My boss keep salt lamps in every room of his house "just in case" of rfid waves (???) but refuses to wear a mask when he goes out cause "theres no proof it does anything".

74. What’s one interesting thing about your culture?

How much closer the brown side of my family is compared to the white side

75. What’s one annoying thing about your culture?

All the gossip, man.

76. What job would you be terrible at?

Math teacher.

77. Would you rather watch a TV show or a movie?

TV shows

78. What’s your favorite compliment to give?

Anything that makes someones day a little better!

79. What’s your favorite compliment to receive?

I do not like receiving compliments i always feel awkward

80. Has your opinion changed on something recently?

Not that I can think of off the top of my head

81. Do you always order the same thing at a restaurant or order something different each time?

Usually the same thing

82. What’s something you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t yet?

drug

83. If you could learn to do anything right now, what would it be?

Record

84. Favorite physical feature about yourself?

Ew

85. Least favorite physical feature about yourself?

The whole the things

86. What’s one amazing thing you did that nobody was around to see?

Survived 👈👈😎

87. If you could change your height, would you?

Maybe, I feel pretty short

88. What’s something you would rate 10/10?

Holding hands

89. Heels or flats?

Why not platform boots

90. What’s something you wish you had more knowledge about?

Music

91. Would you want to be famous?

No

92. What’s something you would get arrested for?

Prolly trespassing

93. What’s your spirit animal?

Water bears 🤔

94. What’s the luckiest thing that’s ever happened to you?

Won tickets and got to meet Jonathan Davis so that was pretty cool

95. Are you the type to have an organized mess, or no mess at all?

Organized mess

96. Do you tend to make decisions based on the past, present, or future?

All of the above if able

97. Are you a planner or a more spontaneous person?

Planner

98. Thoughts on the oxford comma?

Important

99. What do you hope never changes?

How close the sun is to the earth

100. How would you celebrate your 100th birthday?

I aint ever wanna be that old.

Thank you Audi!!

[x-lulu]

gurl 1-99 I dare you😄

haha no if that's too much just 1, 2, 24, 32, 77, 85, 95

well I finally answered them all babe, took me a week haha 💗

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most? world away by tonight alive, you give love a bad name by bon jovi, amnesia by five seconds of summer, had enough by lower than atlantis, take it out on me by thousand foot krutch, if I could fly by one direction, I just named the first that popped in my head

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? YOU

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17? a wind came in off the harbour, bringing the smell of the sea

4: What do you think about most? I’m an overthinker with anxiety so yeah I think about everything a lot, so I wouldn’t know what I think about most

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? just an okay haha

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? with, an oversized shirt and underwear

7: What’s your strangest talent? latin maybe?

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence) I don’t know rock? I’m not really the kind of person that puts a gender in things

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? uhm I don’t think so, now I feel unimportant haha

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? I’m more an using a hairbrush as a microphone kind of girl

11: Do you have any strange phobias? probably, I’m scared of a lot of things

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? don’t think so

13: What’s your religion? officially I’m Christian, I’m a bit searching for what I believe in tho, I do believe in jezus but not like walking on water and coming back from the death, I might believe in the Greek gods and nature gods

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? enjoying the fresh air, going for a walk/ride and look at cute animals

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? behind

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? even if you kill me I don’t know what band to say

17: What was the last lie you told? I lied about not being sad

18: Do you believe in karma? I don’t know, sometimes, but like there are people who’ve done terrible things, where is their karma?

19: What does your URL mean? it’s just my nickname, I didn’t want to make it fandom related because I’m a multi fandom and I didn’t want to have to change my url a lot, I also didn’t want to put my real name because I don’t want people to find me who I know in real life haha

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? my insecurity is my greatest weakness I think, I don’t know my greatest strength... maybe being a person who people feel loved and welcome by? Idk if people feel that way and idk if it’s a strength. If I’m gonna be poetic I have to say my greatest weakness and strength are both that I love someone with my whole heart, when I start loving you, I love you so much, I would do anything for you, but when someone fucks up, I’ll still love them even tho they don’t deserve it, so that comes with a lot of pain so yeah a weakness and a strength

21: Who is your celebrity crush? rudy pankow and dylan obrien

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? yes

23: How do you vent your anger? I keep everything to myself till I explode and start screaming

24: Do you have a collection of anything? music records, stones and just memories from places I’ve been to

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? neither? If I’m comfortable I do enjoy video chatting especially in times like these where you can’t speak in real life

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? this is hard one, I’ve never been happy with who I am, I do like me better than who I used to be

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? sound I love is when you’re walking trough the woods just the birds, can’t think of one I hate, I definitely have some they just don’t come to mind rn

28: What’s your biggest “what if”? what if I keep going through and it doesn’t get better

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? yes and yes/maybe

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. my laptop and my pillow

31: Smell the air. What do you smell? flowers

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? xanten

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? uhm west coast? Idk haha

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? harry styles is the first one that pops in my head

35: To you, what is the meaning of life? to find love, can be someone something, experience things that make you happy, enjoy it, learn, better the world

36: Define Art. creating something, it can have a meaning but it also can’t, a lot of people give it a deep meaning, which can be it, I just think art doesn’t always have to be deep are spectacular it can be someone making something because they have so much going in their head and they find peace in creating art and get inspired by their own experience, people also can it just do for fun, there are so many different kind of art and artists, I don’t think it can’t be defined

37: Do you believe in luck? I don’t know

38: What’s the weather like right now? rainy

39: What time is it? 9:54 pm

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? no licence

41: What was the last book you read? a fanfic on Wattpad fight or flight by ffsumth

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? yes 🙈

43: Do you have any nicknames? lu and lulu obviously, loesje , samantha, pinguïn, polar bear, you called me lulu bear hehe

44: What was the last film you saw? I don’t remember...

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? uhm ive broken a few things, my toes and my arm, but nothing really bad actually

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? no, I don’t want to, I have seen some really close, they’re beautiful

47: Do you have any obsessions right now? again you haha, but like all the stuff I post on here are my obsessions

48: What’s your sexual orientation? I don’t know, I think straight, but I don’t know for sure

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? yeah

50: Do you believe in magic? I’m not certain, maybe I do :) I do live by the saying ‘just because you haven’t seen it, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist’

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? sadly yes, like I won’t be mean to you or anything, but I will never ever trust you again, if I’m hurt I’m hurt and sadly I haven’t found a way yet to leave it behind, so I’m feeling a lot of pain and I’m never gonna forget that pain, so yeah...

52: What is your astrological sign? capricorn

53: Do you save money or spend it? uhm both? depends on how I feel and what time of the year it is, I have the bad habit to save it for a few months and then spend a lot of it

54: What’s the last thing you purchased? a apple pen so I can start trying digital art

55: Love or lust? love

56: In a relationship? with you hehe

57: How many relationships have you had? none official relationships, I’m just not lovable okay leave me alone haha

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue? no oops

59: Where were you yesterday? home, school, therapy

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? a pillow

61: Are you wearing socks right now? no

62: What’s your favourite animal? polar bears

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? no idea haha, I don’t have one

64: Where is your best friend? at home, like 20min away

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr. this is hard so I’m just gonna name the first five that come in my head @nxsmss @rafej-cambanks @thegreatestofheck @chrlsgillespie @nedleed

66: What is your heritage? I don’t know 🤷‍♀️

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? sleeping, I had to get up early today

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name? never thought about it

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? no

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Is it bad to say yes? I mean I hate myself but I do think I’m a good friend

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? save the dog obviously!!!!

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? I think I would tell people, I’m not sure, but like so have people got the time to say goodbye the way they want to, I would travel the world I think, do everything on my bucket list, maybe some illegal stuff 🙈 (where no one gets hurt tho obviously), I don’t think I would be afraid... I mean I’m suicidal, I’ve literally been connected to death my whole life, if you understand what I mean

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. uhm trust I think? If I would have love but don’t have trust I wouldn’t really feel loved anyway, I do really want to experience how it feels like to be loved tho...

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? the first song that came to mind is love my life by Robbie Williams, I rarely listen to it, but the lyrics really gives a boost of happiness and confidence

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? 51 54

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? loyalty and trust, you don’t have to agree on everything or be interested in the same things, you do have to be there for each other

77: How can I win your heart? YOU ALREADY HAVE

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity? yes I think so

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? to get dogs

80: What size shoes do you wear? uhm 38 eu, 4,5 uk and 7 us

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? a loving ... I hope to be a loving daughter, friend, wife and mother, someone who was always there for others

82: What is your favourite word? fuck haha, no idk but that is definitely a word I use a lot

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. pain....

84: What is a saying you say a lot? enjoy the little things

85: What’s the last song you listened to? ignorance by paramore

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? uhm I do love black, I also like pastels and like a turquoise kind of colour

87: What is your current desktop picture? me and my friend

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? no one, there are a lot of people who did wrong, the need to be in jail, but I’m not saying someone deserves to die

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? what goes on in my head, how I’m feeling

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? scream probably haha

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? teleportation, I would travel the world haha

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? when I was in Ireland by the cliffs of moher

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? uhm this is a hard one, maybe seeing my father almost dying? (he is okay btw, we were lucky), I’ve had nightmares and anxiety ever since

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? I find this so weird to say for some reason... if I have to give a name it would be harry styles I think, because damn look at that man, but I don’t know, I would rather be friends with him than sleep with him tbh, I know you can do both haha, but idk I’m not like yes I want to sleep with him haha, I think I’ve read too many fanfics about him that I would find it awkward

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? ice land or canada

96: Do you have any relatives in jail? don’t think so, not close ones anyway

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car? no, I got out in time haha

98: Ever been on a plane? yes, when I went on a trip to georgia in west asia

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? you’re all ignorant assholes haha, no idk what I would say, there are a lot of good people on this world I know, but man there is some fucked up shit, so maybe I would educate some people or it would have something to do with mental health, maybe about loving yourself or that it’s not a sign of weakness and that we should be treated as equals to physical pain, we should be taken seriously... I don’t really know, there are so many things haha

[jessgartner]

2020 Life Olympics

The real Olympics may have been canceled in 2020 but the Life Olympics persevered like the postal service of Olympics. 

First, I’d like to apologize for my role in the chaos of 2020 because I think I had a slight miscommunication with the powers that be and I feel partly responsible. Here was my plan for 2020: 

My theme for 2020 is Intention because I want to take the energy I feel right now and deploy it with more intentionality next year - bringing increased mindfulness to how I spend my time, money, physical and mental energy. And because I love wordplay, I also literally want to spend more time camping “in-tent” to enjoy more peace and quiet and beauty in nature.

The universe was like, “Oh, she wants to spend less money and more time outside? Well, shut it down. Shut the whole planet down.”

I mean, mission accomplished, I guess? I did spend less money and more time outside and had to be VERY intentional with my mental energy to survive the day-to-day morass of 2020. Next time, I will be more specific with my annual manifestations. Sorry to all. 

2020 was brutal for pretty much everything and everyone. I don’t know anyone who isn’t in some state of grief right now, including myself. I debated doing a Life Olympics at all this year, feeling like-- what is the point? Hundreds of thousands of people died, our democracy is hanging on by a thread, and millions of people lost jobs, businesses, and homes. 

Like many people, I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression this year which intensified as it got darker and colder outside. At a low point, I talked with my therapist about the struggle of just not wanting to do any of the things that usually bring me joy-- and how periods of relief were so fleeting. “But you have to keep doing those things,” she said, “even if they’re not working right now, you have to keep doing those things and trust the process; the joy will return.” 

So even though I don’t really feel like it and kind of feel like it’s dumb, I’m writing the 2020 Life Olympics. I’m trusting the process.

2020 Life Olympics Recap

Work - Participation Trophy

Starting a company is hard, operating a company is harder, but running a company during a global pandemic and economic crisis is something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. 2020 was not a fun year to lead a business; it was hell. On March 15, the plan for the year pretty much went out the window and everything went into survival mode. I never take the company or my team for granted, but I’m particularly grateful to be able to usher this work into 2021.

Despite the craziness, we still had some big wins this year. We launched new product partnerships with PowerSchool and Amazon Business. We rebuilt our tool for equitably calculating district funding formulas. And I got to flex my creative muscles with EdFinToks! Throughout it all, I was lucky enough to be surrounded by a team of people who are as compassionate as they are talented. 

I’m worried about public education more than ever after this year, but I’m going to keep fighting every day to make it work better for kids. 

This is Work-Lite but I also spent a good chunk of time this year leading the modernization workgroup for Bill Henry’s transition committee after his spring primary election to become the new Baltimore City Comptroller, ousting a 25-year incumbent, Joan Pratt. This was an enlightening (and infuriating) experience for me that gave me a glimpse into the operations of a segment of the City government. This process also really helped crystallize how much I enjoy making public agencies function more efficiently; I’m excited to see what Bill does with the recommendations (some are already being put in action!)

Health - Gold 

This is the second year in a row (and ever) that I’m giving myself a Gold medal for Health. This was easily a year that I could have regressed on all of my healthy habits and no one would have blamed me. Instead, I leaned into protecting and improving my physical and mental health in 2020. It’s not an exaggeration to say that walking probably saved my life this year. I spent a lot of time walking around my neighborhood and various state and city parks-- walking is maybe not the best word; I stomp and charge around like I have a score to settle with the ground beneath me. My walking increased 370% in 2020. This is a habit of 2020 that I’d like to keep. My brain and body are happier if I can spend a little time walking-- stomping-- around outside each day. 

I also did a lot of biking this summer. My cycling increased 200% this year-- with much more time spent cycling outdoors. My crowning achievement this year was biking to and from Annapolis:

I spent a LOT more time outside this year which was critical for my mental health. On the downside, I only did 90% as much yoga and 60% as much strength training, so I want to try to be a little more balanced next year. 

I also invested a lot in my mental health this year. I kept up with therapy every 2-4 weeks and in October I decided to pursue a formal diagnosis for ADHD which I definitely have! Needless to say, staying in one place this year has been a special kind of hell for me. 

Home - Silver

Well, I definitely spent less money this year. And the way I did spend money made me (mostly) sad: 

Travel down 70% 

Auto & Transportation up 200% (boo cars)

Shopping down 60%

Personal Care down 35% 

Gifts and donations up 200% 

Food and Dining down 40%

Entertainment down 35% (I kept up my singing lessons virtually which accounts for a lot of this category) 

2020 was quite the palate cleanser from my 2019 year of hedonism but maybe we can go for a happy medium in 2021? Just kidding-- I will resume my hedonist ways the minute the world opens. 

I also redid my home office like every other work-from-homer on the planet and replaced my crumbling kitchen floor so the house got some TLC. 

But nobody enjoyed having me home all year as much as Darwin:

Relationships - Bronze

What a weird year for relationships of all kinds. I’m giving this a Bronze because while I invested a lot into a few relationships this year, there are also a lot of people in my life to whom I haven’t been able to give my time and love. 

One of the most important relationships in my life this year was with one of my former students. After bouncing around in the foster system for many years, we reconnected around the holidays in 2019 and he started crashing with me while we tried to figure out stable housing and employment. He was arrested in January and was incarcerated for the next several months awaiting trial. Finally, we were able to negotiate a plea agreement with the State’s Attorney and he came home around Independence Day. We spent the next several months getting him set up with a phone and various identification documents-- a nightmare in normal times and a total abyss during the pandemic. I got him registered to vote when we got his ID card and I took him to vote for the first time (a supreme treat for this former social studies teacher):

He’s now got a full-time job and stable living situation. Calling this THE success of 2020. Thank you to everyone who helped me with resources all year for housing, legal processes, and documents. It takes a village. 

It was a bizarre year for family. We lost my grandmother in September, so not being able to spend the holidays together felt like an especially cruel loss. Other big losses this year include a trip to France to celebrate a milestone birthday for my mother and my brother and sister-in-law’s wedding (Mosby seemed pretty ok with the alternative plan, though):

But in many ways, my family has been more together than ever this year thanks to prolific group chats and photo-sharing. Mostly, I’m just glad everyone else is safe and healthy. As my father often reminds me, “Our problems are small.” 

And dating? What to do with this weird Jane-Austen-esque dating scene-- as if modern dating weren’t fraught enough. Is this the universe punishing me for ending my 2019 dating hiatus early? I, for one, have given up. You win this one, pandemic. I’m just going to have my little Twitter crush and call it a year. Next year, though...

Horizons - Silver Gold 

You know what? It’s hard to expand your horizons without people or places. 

I did the best I could. I finally got back on track with my Goodreads challenge and actually had a really good year of reading, including finally embracing audiobooks through my Libro.fm subscriptions. I especially enjoyed Michelle Obama’s book Becoming and Mike Birbiglia’s The New One on audio-- both narrated by their authors. 

I camped in Pocomoke (MD), Western MD, Lake Michigan, and Ohiopyle (PA):

I explored over 30 new hiking/biking trails-- some favorites including the Youghiegheny River trail in PA, the NCR trail, Catoctin Mountain, the C&O Canal Towpath, Annapolis Rock, and of course, Stoney Run in my backyard. 

I left Facebook and started the Life Olympics newsletter. I’ll be honest, I don’t miss Facebook but I also don’t understand where that energy, time, and brain space went. I was spending cumulatively hours a day mindlessly scrolling Facebook and I quit cold turkey and barely noticed-- what black hole of our brains does social media occupy? I kind of thought that with all that extra time I would write the next great American novel or something. I’m probably spending a little more time on Twitter, which I could stand to cut back on. Other than that, I think I was just trying to process the shitstorm of this year. Maybe I’ll write the next great American novel post-pandemic. 

For the first time in my life, I feel somewhat ‘caught up’ on pop-culture. I finally watched Parks and Recreation (twice); I watched The Mandalorian and finally actually watched Star Wars (episodes IV-IX); I watched the final seasons of The Good Place and Schitt’s Creek; I’m caught up on Insecure; I watched The Prom and Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom and Jingle Jangle; I even started Bridgerton. I know what everyone is talking about and I’m catching so many more pop-culture references these days. (I guess instead of writing the next great American novel I watched Netflix?)

2020 Lessons

I’ve spent plenty of time mourning the missed opportunities of 2020 and will probably always wonder what this year could have been in an alternate universe with a functioning government. But we only have this reality for now, and we made the best of it. 

I wanted to slow down in 2020, try to be more intentional, more mindful, and...

No thank you! I liked the pace of my life; it makes my brain and heart happy. I’m happiest when I wake up in a different city three days in a row. I like darting around every borough of Manhattan for nine meetings and three cocktails and then taking a red-eye to Europe. I want to run around to eight conferences for 18-hours a day for three weeks and then sleep for 22 hours. I miss overloading my brain so much that I need a deprivation chamber to sleep. This is who I am. This is how I like to live. And when I was locked down alone in the house for a year, slowing down, being mindful, I never once thought, “I should have... when I had the chance.” Because I always did. And I always will. 

2021

We shake with joy, we shake with grief.

What a time they have, these two housed as they are in the same body.

Mary Oliver

We’ve had enough grief. 2021 is going to be all about joy.

Universe, let me be clear: this is not a euphemism or code or secret signal.

I want pure, unadulterated, abundant, joy. I want multi-course dinners in restaurants with lots of close friends and good wine. I want the virus so far gone that I can make-out with handsome strangers. I want a rollicking good time in France and/or Brazil and/or Prague and/or New Zealand and/or Bali. I want to spend the day after Christmas in NYC with my father. I want to be a glutton for theatre and art and music. I want celebrations and parties and sequins. 

I want to shake with joy. 

If you’d like to receive the (shorter) monthly Life Olympics, subscribe here. 

[alicedoessurveys]

Doctor Who Tag

yes im a nerd...

CHILDHOOD

1. Did you like DW as a child?

I was 10 when it came back on telly with Eccleston and the first episode with the autons scared me so much my mom wouldn't let me watch it again until a couple years later, but yeah my teens I was obsessed with DW... still am at age 25

2. Your age at the time of the revival?

10

3. First DW episode you ever saw?

‘Rose’

4. Did you have any of the toys?

I still have the eleventh doctor’s screwdriver... I used to have some of the figures but there in storage now somewhere

5. Which DW character did you play on the playground?

didn't play it on the playground

6. Monster(s) that scared you most as a child?

all of them! the ones that still scare me now are the Cybermen and the Autons... genuinely cant walk past a shop mannequin without being suspicious 

7. Joke/story you didn’t get as a kid?

as a kid, any of the innuendo type jokes

8. DW opinion that has changed since you were a kid?

idk I think I still have the same opinions

9. Who introduced you to DW?

parents

10. Did you like Sarah Jane Adventures as a child?

I LOVED SJA!! I miss that show, and Elizabeth Slade :(

DOCTOR

11. Who is your Doctor?

Ten was the doctor that made me fall in love with Doctor Who 

12. Your favourite Doctor?

omg why not just ask me who my favourite child is... (I don't have kids but you know what I mean) if I had to chose my top three are ten, eleven and thirteen

13. Least favourite Doctor?

purely just because he doesn't have enough episodes... nine...

14. Best regeneration?

none of them I hate regenerations :( they make me sad, im too emotionally invested in every single one

15. Do you like “Doctor-Lite” episodes?

they're not my faves

16. Who is the most human Doctor?

I think nine maybe? or twelve?

17. Best multi-Doctor story?

the 50th anniversary special 

18. Best Doctor monologue?

“Hello Stonehenge! who takes the pandorica, takes the universe. but bad news everyone, cause guess who? HA! You lot you're all whizzing about- its really very distracting. Could you all just stay still a minute because I AM TALKING. Question of the hour is, who's got the pandorica? Answer, I do. Next question, who's coming to take it from me? Come on, look at me! No plan. No backup. No weapons worth a damn. oh and something else, I don't have anything to lose. So, if you're sitting up there in your silly little spaceship with all your silly little guns and you've got any plans on taking the pandorica tonight... just remember who's standing in your way. remember ever black day I ever stopped you and then- AND THEN- do the smart thing... let somebody else try first.”

not copied and pasted, remember that from the top of my head... its always there waiting in my mind incase I ever need an epic monologue :’)

19, What do you think TenToo/MetaCrisis Doctor is doing now?

hopefully living his best life with Rose

20. Best Doctor/companion pairing?

ten and donna 

COMPANIONS

21. Favourite companion?

Donna, Clara, Amy

22. Favourite secondary companion?

is Mickey classed as secondary? idk

23. Least favourite companion?

Ryan

24. Best TARDIS Team?

Doctor, Amy and Rory

25. Most underrated companion?

Graham, but that may just be cause I love Bradders

26. Most overrated companion?

Rose... I like her but idk, I think she gets more hype than she deserves.. don't @ me

27. Favourite companion’s family?

Rose’s mom

28. Who should have been a companion but wasn’t?

idk I cant think of anyone

29. Favourite (canon or non-canon) DW universe relationship?

Amy and Rory

30. Who did you not used to like, but really like now?

wasn't keen on Bill at first but by the end I really liked her, same with Rory

EPISODES

31. Favourite episode ever?

girl in the fireplace

32. Least favourite episode?

most of Chibnall’s episodes tbh sorry not sorry 

33. Which episodes do you skip?

the regeneration episodes

34. Best two-parter?

Human Nature - Family of Blood

35. Historical, present day or futuristic episodes?

I like them all in there own way but I think present is fave, then historical, then future

36. Episode that will always make you smile?

all of them

37. Episode that will always make you cry?

Rory and Amy’s last episode :’(

38. Best run of episodes?

ugh I cant answer this theres too many 

39. Best cliffhanger?

the end of Spyfall part one when the Master reveals who he is... I was SHOOK

40. Favourite Christmas special?

Voyage of the Damned

SERIES

41. Classic Who or New Who?

new who

42. Favourite series?

four or five

43. Least favourite series?

eleven, I just cant with the writing

44. Which series do you skip?

none

45. Favourite series opening?

eleventh hour

46. Favourite series finale?

Doomsday

47. Best series arc?

Bad Wolf

48. Thoughts on series 11/12?

I adore Jodie Whittaker and her doctor, and although I think 3 companions is too many I do love Yaz and Graham (Ryan is hit & miss). I just think theyve been massively let down by the stories/writing... they’ve tried to hard to tick certain boxes and completely missed what Doctor Who is about for a lot of people.. an escape from the real world into these outrageous unbelievable but lovable fun alien adventures 

49. How much of Classic Who have you seen?

not a lot

50. Who should have had another series?

NINE NINE NINE NINE NINE 

MONSTERS

51. Favourite monster/villain?

the master 

52. Most creative monster?

Weeping Angels, whoever came up with monsters that look like statues and only move when you're not looking at them is genius 

53. Monster(s) that scares you most?

Autons, Cybermen, the creepy dolls from Night Terrors, the ones from Waters of Mars, Weeping Angels

54. Monster you think is too easy to defeat?

idk

55. Least favourite monster/villain?

absorbaloff

56. Monster you want to return?

The Master, I really hope that isn't the last we see of Dhawan

57. In your opinion, what makes a monster good?

being genuinely scary, 

58. Daleks, Cybermen or Weeping Angels?

Weeping Angels

59. Best Dalek story?

Daleks in Manhatten

60. Best one time villain/monster?

my brain has gone blank I cant think of an answer right now 

ADDITIONAL MATERIAL

61. Torchwood or Sarah Jane Adventures?

SJA

62. Favourite Torchwood Team member?

I haven't watched it all so I couldn't say 

63. Which Torchwood death made you saddest?

again, not watched it all 

64. Do you rewatch COE or MD?

huh

65. Favourite SJA Team member?

Sarah Jane

66. Mr Smith or K-9?

K-9

67. Maria or Rani?

Rani

68. Do you read the comics/novels or listen to Big Finish?

Nope

69. If you do, your favourite additional stories?

n/a

70. Do you like DW analysis (video essays, fan theories, etc)?

yes

DESIGN/PRODUCTION

71. Favourite piece of alien tech?

the sonic, I love how it is so multipurpose except for when it comes to wood 

72. Favourite piece of Murray Gold music?

I am the Doctor - gets me pumped every time 

73. Favourite TARDIS design?

Ten’s Tardis 

74. Has the 2005 era CGI aged well?

actually yeah, I was rewatching the ‘are you my mummy’ episodes the other day and my God when the gas masks emerged from the faces... ooooooof I was like omg how 

75. Favourite Doctor outfit?

eleven or thirteen

76. Monster with the best design?

not really a design more of a costume.. I live Dhawan master’s costume. that shade of purple, oof he so stylish 

77. Best show runner?

idk

78. Best writer?

Gatiss

79. Best opening titles?

eleven’s titles where the Tardis is flying and being zapped is cool but thirteens music hits different 

80. Will DW age well/stay popular in the future?

I hope so, I feel like its lasted this long surely it can last forever.. if the writers don't fuck it up... 

IF YOU WERE IN THE SHOW

81. Time period you’d want to go with the Doctor?

whatever time means Id get to wear the most beautiful costumes

82. Planet/place you’d want to go with the Doctor?

Galifrey, pre-desctruction

83. Doctor you’d most like to travel with?

any of them, please and thank you

84. Companion you’d most like to travel with?

donna, sceso a good laugh but also I feel like she’d look after me 

85. Monster you’d like to defeat/fight?

The Master 

86. If you could go back on your own history (like Father’s Day), where would you go?

back to when I was a toddler, I wanna see what I was like 

87. If you could ask the Doctor anything, what would you ask?

theres too many to ask 

88. Historical figure you’d like to meet?

Shakespeare

89. How do you think you’d meet the Doctor?

id probably be rescued from doing something stupid and then the doc would be like you know what the bitch clearly needs supervision she's coming with me 

90. Would you travel forwards or backwards in time first?

backwards

IF YOU MADE THE SHOW

91. Historical event would you like to see in DW?

Hamilton

92. Issue you’d like to see addressed in DW?

idk 

93. Who would you completely erase from the DW universe?

Ruth

94. One unanswered DW question you’d love to know the answer to?

where is Clara now?

95. Actor/actress you’d like to see play the Doctor?

Phoebe Waller Bridge (or Lin Manuel Miranda)

96. Actor/actress you’d like to see play a companion?

Andrew Scott (yes I did just basically recast fleabag and hot priest)

97. Is DW “too political”?

series 11 got a bit like that 

98. Which characters fate would you changed?

Danny Pink

99. What about DW could be improved?

I think ive made my options about Chibnall pretty clear... 

100. If you could write an episode of DW, any ideas for what you’d do

bring back Jenny, the Doctor / Daughter adventures they would have. I’m actually writing a fic about it if you wanna read.... here

[kk095]

Happy Hour

I felt a bit creative tonight, so here's what I came up with. The story may need some additional tweaking, so bear with me a bit! I hope everyone likes it and feedback/constructive criticism is appreciated 🙂

*****

Most people like to go to the bar every now and then to have a few drinks to unwind a bit after a long day at work. However, some people lack control over their drinking and take things a bit too far. Their lack of control in this case resulted in the death of our latest patient.

The patient's name was Danielle “Dani” Mitchell. She was a bartender at a local neighborhood bar who was 28 years, had pin straight blonde hair just past her shoulders, beautiful hazel eyes, a near perfect suntan, was 5’6 and average build with perky, natural breasts, had a bright, colorful tattoo sleeve on her left arm, and had an engaging, jovial personality, but was a bit rough around the edges at times due to the nature of her job.

Things started off pretty mundane for Dani that evening. She was making drinks and chatting up some of the bar's regulars about the day's events. About an hour into her shift, a new customer came in. He was a tall, bald, muscular white man in his mid 30s with a scorpion tattoo on her right upper arm. He ordered a lot to drink in a short time. He was a nasty drunk with a bellicose demeanor, causing trouble amongst the other bar patrons. The man sitting next to him started to grow a bit frustrated. “You can't just come in here and start shit with us!” he exclaimed. “so what're you gonna do about it?!” the new customer said in response, challenging the man's assertiveness. The scene became more and more tense by the second until the 2 grown men started shoving each other. Dani hurried around the other side of the bar, trying to get to the men before serious blows were delivered. This wasn't Dani’s first bar fight under her watch, but little did she know, it would be her last. While trying to break up the skirmish, the new customer pulled out a pocket knife and attempted to stab his opponent. However, Dani was the recipient of the knife's blade since she got in between the men, attempting to break up their drunken quarrel.

Dani felt something touch her back, just to the right of her left shoulderblade. It was hard tap with a bit of pressure. She initially thought it was from one of the men throwing a punch, but quickly realized the severity of the situation once she turned her head. She saw the new customer who started the disagreement with their right arm extended, holding a pocket knife with a bloody tip. He had a look of horrified bewilderment on his face, realizing he had made a life-changing mistake. Dani realized the back side of her dark grey tank top was beginning to become soaked in her own blood.

One of the other bartenders called 911 right away. Dani reached for her back with her left hand. She felt warm wetness and drew her hand back quickly. The palms and fingers of her left hand were saturated in a significant accumulation of blood. Dani began breathing heavily, becoming panicked by the shocking turn of events. The man with the knife quickly sprinted out of the bar without paying his tab; but a tip was the least of Dani's concerns at this point. One of Dani's coworkers dashed over to her with a large clump of paper towels, attempting to plug up the gaping wound in her upper left back with them. The paper towels did very little to stop the surge of blood that emerged from Dani's back.

Dani began to feel dizzy and cold within the first few minutes of her injury. She shivered a bit while her coworker continued applying pressure to the knife wound. A small crowd began to gather around Dani and her coworker, with a few additional 911 calls being made from customers attempting to expedite the first responders’ arrival.

Her symptoms worsened shortly before EMS arrived. Dani had trouble remaining conscious, sitting in a moderate sized pool of her own blood. Dani peed herself (a sign of severe shock and rapid blood loss), sickening some of the members of the small, but nosey crowd around her.

Despite a slight delay, emergency personnel appeared on scene. The police officers dispersed the small crowd to give the medics room to work. When EMS got to Dani, she was in and out of consciousness, sitting on the floor up against the bar counter in a small puddle of her own blood. The paramedics removed Dani's top, exposing her black bra and tan body, with a belly button piercing. Dani was tachypneic and barely conscious. One of the medics leaned her forward, identifying a 2.6cm stab wound in the interscapular space, but missing the spine and slightly closer to the left side of the back.

Based on the amount of blood loss, the medics were able to deduce that Dani had a major hemorrhage actively wreaking havoc. “let's get 2 large bore IVs set up. Get me a bag of lactate and 1 of codeine” ordered the lead paramedic, who was searching for a vein in Dani's left arm. After getting both IVs set up (1 in each arm), a bag of ringer's lactate was hung to initiate fluid resuscitation, and a single dose of codeine was given to help with pain management since Dani lingered in a semi-conscious state. “she tore something major in there. We gotta get her out of here. Tell the ER our ETA is 5 minutes.” Stated the other paramedic. Dani was placed on a stretcher, partially sat up, and hastily wheeled out of the bar, into the ambulance which sat in the parking lot nearby.

Once in the ambulance, the paramedics set up the bartender on a portable heart monitor. Dani's vital signs were: BP: 87/60, heart rate: 119 bpm, pulse ox: 94%. An oxygen mask was placed on the patient to help ameliorate some of her respiratory symptoms, but her eyes rolled backwards every few seconds. Dani was breathing rapidly, but each breath was shallow and inefficient. “the knife might've nicked her left lung. Should we do a needle decompression?” asked the younger medic to the lead medic. The lead medic placed their stethoscope up against the front side of Dani's chest. They heard distant, raspy breath sounds on the left side, triggering immediate concern. “diminished breath sounds on the left. Good call!” said the medic in praise of the young medic's observation. “let's do a needle decompression” ordered the lead paramedic after a brief pause.

A 14 gauge lancet was procured by one of the medics as the ambulance sped towards the ER. Dani was lowered to a supine position on the stretcher and the 2nd medic poked their bony fingers along Dani's upper left chest, trying to locate the 2nd intercostal space. After the position was accurately located, the area was sterilized and the thick beveled lancet was quickly placed into Dani's 2nd intercostal space. A popping, hissing sound was heard when the needle reached the correct depth. Air rushed out of the hull of the lancet and Dani groaned, feeling a pressurized pinching sensation in her chest. Dani's pulse ox increased a bit after the needle decompression, but her blood pressure and heart rate remained unstable, suggesting she sustained more than a collapsed lung.

Dani remained hemodynamically unstable for the rest of the ambulance ride, but remained semi-conscious with a pulse. She groaned and mumbled every 30 seconds or so. Even though she wasn't saying anything audible while mumbling, the medics knew Dani was trying to beg them to save her life. Dani knew she was in grave danger, and was well aware she was walking a fine line between life and death.

Upon arrival at the ER, Dani's condition worsened slightly. Her blood pressure lowered a bit and her heart rate went into the 120s. Dani's eyes rolled retrally in her head, while hectically trying to remain awake. The medics updated the trauma team while pushing the gurney through the ERs main corridors into the allocated trauma bay.

Dani was lifted onto the table once she was in the trauma room. The nurses removed her jeans, shoes, socks, and the rest of her clothes, stripping the 28 year old completely nude in a room full of strangers. The blanket that was on top of the medic's gurney now laid on the floor of the ER, soaked in dark, warm blood, fresh from Dani's stab wound. The massive transfusion protocol was started, giving Dani 4 units of B-positive blood since that's all they had due to a national shortage of donated blood, 1500 units of Rhogam, 2 units of platelets, and 2 units of FFP.

Shortly after arrival, Dani went unconscious. At that point, the trauma team decided to intubate her in order to keep her airway intact. A 7.5 ET tube was placed into her airway and held in place with a blue tube holder, with a light blue ambu bag being attached after the procedure. Her oxygen saturation was only at 95% despite the needle decompression and the intubation, so a chest x ray and echocardiogram were ordered. The chest x ray showed a collapsed lung and possible pulmonary laceration on the left side. The echocardiogram showed cardiac tamponade, which surprised the trauma team. Based on the chest x ray, it appeared the lining of the left lung was lacerated by the knife. Because of that, friction increased during respiration, causing a pinching, burning sensation during breathing. Air leaked from the left lung and became trapped in the torn segment of Dani's left lung, and began seeping into her chest cavity. The needle decompression was simply a band-aid for this type of injury, so a left sided chest tube was ordered by the attending physician.

The chest tube was placed by the trauma team, aspirating a significant volume of air from her chest cavity. Her pulse ox increased a bit, becoming borderline normal, but she still remained hemodynamically unstable due to cardiac tamponade. The likely culprit was the knife penetrating the posterior aspect of Dani's heart.

Since cardiac tamponade was still a present issue, the trauma team made an unconventional move. They decided to perform a percutaneous balloon pericardiotomy in the emergency department. This is a procedure typically reserved for the operating room or interventional radiology suite to alleviate excess fluid in the sac around the heart. The procedure involves the placement of a needle into the chest wall, and into the lining of the heart. Once the needle is in place, a catheter with a small inflatable device (balloon) is navigated through the body of the needle, into the bevel, and into the lining of the heart. Repeated inflation of the balloon causes blood/fluid to drain into the catheter, removing the blood from the pericardium and improving cardiovascular function under ideal circumstances.

The procedure drained significant amounts of thick, coagulated blood. The first attempt didn't improve cardiac function; the echocardiogram still showed tamponade. The 2nd go-around withdrew fresh, dark colored blood. This dark, fresh blood began leaking out of the catheter, becoming deposited all over Dani's bare chest. The bleeding was profuse, which was a sign of a major hemorrhage. “get me a thoracotomy tray. We have to get to the bottom of this” ordered the attending ER physician.

Betadine was splashed all over Dani's chest in preparation of the procedure while the procedure's equipment was withdrawn. The doctor decided to access Dani's chest via a left anterolateral thoracotomy. A large cut was made in her anterior chest wall starting just millimeters to the left of her sternum, extending across the left side of her chest just under her perky left breast, and ending near the left armpit. In the following minute or so, Dani's chest was cracked open.

Her heart could be seen beating at a hurried pace. Luckily, no air or blood rushed out of Dani's chest upon entering it. A clamp was placed on the hilum of the left lung since there was sufficient evidence of a pulmonary laceration. Once the clamp was placed, the pericardium was incised so the tamponade could be released.

The line of sight became flooded with copious amounts of blood after the pericardium was incised. Suction was applied to the area, but blood began leaking out of Dani's chest cavity, situating itself on her bare chest, the table, and the floor below. A drain was placed in the pericardium, but it did little to better the situation. A 2nd chest tube was placed since the bleed was significant.

Blood shot out of the tube, spattering on the gown of one of the trauma doctors and onto the floor below. The heart monitors began chirping since Dani's cardiac function decreased rapidly from the hemorrhage. The trauma team knew there was a bleed in the back of Dani's heart, but the exact spot remained a mystery to them.

During the initial search for the mystery wound, Dani became pulseless, going into V-Fib. Her heart spasmed and trembled inside her now exposed chest cavity. One of the residents wrapped their hands around the fidgeting organ and began manually pumping it, almost as if they were demonstrating to the heart how to do its own job. Epinephrine and atropine were pushed into Dani's IV to stimulate positive cardiac activity. In the meantime, the internal defibrillator paddles were called for. The large, circular, spoon shaped paddles were charged to 20j and placed around each side of Dani's heart. In a moment's notice, everyone backed away from the table in anticipation of the impending shock.

A dull, wet thump was heard as the dose of electricity was sent directly into Dani's twitching heart. The shock failed to restore a normal rhythm, so internal massage was resumed and the internal paddles were recharged to 30j. A high pitched, electrical hum was heard while the internal paddles were being charged. A wet, clumpy sound was audible during this cycle of internal compressions.

Seconds later, the internal paddles were placed back into the blonde's chest and shock #2 was delivered. Dani's feet twitched and kicked around a bit from the increased strength of the shock, showing off a few thick, meaty wrinkles in the soles of her feet.

The 2nd shock didn't convert Dani to sinus rhythm, so the code ensued. A vascular clamp was placed on her aorta near the diaphragm to redirect additional bloodflow back to the heart in an attempt to keep the atria and ventricles filled. The blood soaked internal paddles were recharged to 30j and placed back into the bartender’s chest, delivering the 3rd shock. A dull, wet thunk was heard as her torso flopped abruptly on the trauma room table. Shock #3 sent Dani into PEA, so internal massage continued.

A second dose of epi and atropine were given, and the first dose of sodium bicarbonate was pushed after a short while of no improvement. The trauma team vigorously massaged Dani's weakly fidgeting heart, but it took yet another round of drugs and 4 and a half minutes worth of internal compressions to get her back to V-Fib.

Finally, the paddles were charged to 30j and the 4th shock of the code was promptly delivered. Dani's cold, limp body jolted on the table, but she remained in dire condition upon returning to her previous position. V-Fib still raced across the EKG screen, so the internal paddles were requested for the 5th time in this code. The internal paddles delivered a quick, controlled dose of electricity back into Dani's heart. The dying organ wobbled and shuddered for a few seconds before coming to a complete stop, appearing as if someone hit a metaphysical pause button, drawing her heart to a cadence. The trauma team frantically resumed internal compressions and continued the search for the unknown wound in the back of her heart.

Dani's heart sat stagnant and motionless as it was manually pumped to no avail by the ER team. The trauma team gave her 1 more dose of drugs and continued massaging her eerily still heart for another 5 minutes. The trauma team's efforts failed to produce cardiac activity, so the code was terminated, with time of death being called at 7:03pm after a prolonged battle to save the young bartender’s life.

The ambu bag was detached and the flatlined monitors were turned off. The nurses removed equipment from Dani's lifeless body while her heart sat completely still inside her exposed chest cavity. Once the nurses completed their job, a cover was placed over Dani's body and a toe tag was placed on the big toe of Dani's left foot.

Dani's autopsy revealed that she died from a laceration to the coronary sinus. The coronary sinus is a large vein present in the posterior portion of the heart of all primates, and is responsible for draining oxygen-poor blood in the myocardium. Injuries to this vascular structure are uncommon, but are lethal, causing death in a vast majority of patients, especially when combined with other injuries.

[buzzdixonwriter]

Hoo Noo Shmoo?

Never let it be said that this blog is flagging in its enthusiasm for flogging horses so dead they’re found in the glue bin at Office Max.

To whit, the Scorsese vs MCU brouhaha.

Bottom line: Scorsese is right.  As well made as MCU movies are, they ain’t cinema, they’re glorified commercials to sell MCU product.

Full disclosure: I should know, since I wrote for G.I. Joe, Transformers, and a host of other toy-based syndicated animation shows.  I’m happy with the work I did, I can point proudly to specific episodes I wrote that aspire to be more than mere half-hour commercials…

…but they ain’t art.

They ain’t art, despite our aspirations to do the best job we could, because ultimately we creators were not allowed to create what we felt best for our stories, but what Hasbro deemed vital to their sales.

(The closest we got to art was when Hasbro cancelled The Inhumanoids toy line in mid-production of the TV series, and said we could finish our broadcast commitment however we saw fit so long as it didn’t result in an FCC complaint.  As a result, we went nuts.)

My Hasbro / Sunbow experience remains a highpoint of my creative life, so I’m not denigrating the talent, skill, ability, spirit, and enthusiasm of those making MCU movies.

…but they ain’t art.

Now, those who love MCU movies think Scorsese’s comments are a slam against them.

Welllll…no, not directly.

But they do underscore how popularity -- especially of media designed to push product -- is a faulty measuring stick for artistic merit.

Case in point: The Shmoo.

Wuzza shmoo, you ask (and thus proving my point)?

Shmoos were extremely popular in the late 1940s.  Part of the wonderfully wacky world cartoonist Al Capp created for his hit Li’l Abner comic strip, shmoos represented a parable on American consumerism, modern day geese laying not mere golden eggs but birthday cakes with candles a’blazin’.

As Capp described them:

They reproduce asexually and are incredibly prolific, multiplying faster than rabbits. They require no sustenance other than air.

Shmoos are delicious to eat, and are eager to be eaten. If a human looks at one hungrily, it will happily immolate itself -- either by jumping into a frying pan, after which they taste like chicken, or into a broiling pan, after which they taste like steak. When roasted they taste like pork, and when baked they taste like catfish. Raw, they taste like oysters on the half-shell.

They also produce eggs (neatly packaged), milk (bottled, grade-A), and butter -- no churning required. Their pelts make perfect boot leather or house timbers, depending on how thick one slices them.

They have no bones, so there's absolutely no waste. Their eyes make the best suspender buttons, and their whiskers make perfect toothpicks. In short, they are simply the perfect ideal of a subsistence agricultural herd animal.

Naturally gentle, they require minimal care and are ideal playmates for young children. The frolicking of shmoos is so entertaining (such as their staged "shmoosical comedies") that people no longer feel the need to watch television or go to the movies.

Some of the more tasty varieties of shmoo are more difficult to catch, however. Usually shmoo hunters, now a sport in some parts of the country, use a paper bag, flashlight, and stick to capture their shmoos. At night the light stuns them, then they may be whacked in the head with the stick and put in the bag for frying up later on.

Of course, in the original strip continuity, the shmoos were quickly eradicated, driven to extinction by food packagers who feared bankruptcy.

It was a sharp, biting message, and one that looked critically at both insatiable consumerism and capitalism’s claims of superiority.

Capp, of course, was too savvy a marketeer himself to eliminate the shmoos entirely, and so he provided for one breeding pair to survive…and for the shmoos to make repeated appearances for the rest of Li’l Abner’s run.

Shmoo mania ran rampant with shmoo dolls, shmoo clocks, shmoo games, shmoo candy, shmoo snacks, and shmoo apparel.  

The money truck basically backed up to Capp’s front door and dumped its load on his porch.  Shmoos proved insanely popular and it seemed the mania would never end…

…except it did.

To mangle metaphors, you can only take so many trips to the same well before your audience starts asking “What?  Beans again?”

And then, in a fickle flash, it’s over.

I’d be hard pressed today to find anyone younger than the boomer cohort who ever heard of Al Capp or Li’l Abner unless their school or community theatre presented the Broadway musical adaptation of the strip (the show remains popular with amateur theatrical troupes such as high schools and colleges because the huge cast of Dogpatch citizens guarantees everybody who tries out for the show will land some part in it).

For all their popularity and merchandise and media impact -- songs on the radio, big spreads in weekly news magazines -- the shmoos left virtually no cultural footprint.

(Full disclosure yet again: I wrote for a Scooby-doo knock-off by Hanna-Barbera called The New Shmoo and it was a piece of crap, abandoning the whole consumerism point of the original shmoos and making them -- or just “it” in our case -- a pseudo-funny dog sidekick for a squad of mystery solving kids.  And it wasn’t a piece of crap because we didn’t try our best, it was a piece of crap because the shmoo was treated as ubiquitous “product” under the misconception that of course everybody younger than Joe Barbera would recognize the name and love the character so deeply that they’d simultaneously develop amnesia about what made the original character so appealing.)

Product.

That’s what one of the most brilliant, most poignant, most spot-on commentaries on rampant consumerism and ruthless capitalism ironically reduced down to.  Product.

There’s a line in Jurassic Park that resonates here:  ”Life will find a way.”

Let’s paraphrase that to “Art will find a way” because like life, art is an expression of the creative urge.

Right now, by and large, it’s trapped in the giant all encompassing condom of corporate consumerism, providing fun and pleasure and excitement, but not really creating anything new, to be wadded up and thrown away when the suits are done screwing us.

But every now and then there’s a tiny pinprick in the sheath, and when that happens there’s the chance of something wonderful, something meaningful, something of lasting value emerging.

It is possible for art to emerge from a corporate context, but only if the corporate intent is to produce a work of art for its own purposes.   Michelangelo carved David as a work for hire, the local doge commissioning the sculpture because he wanted to impress peers and peasants by donating the biggest statue ever made by the hottest artist of the era (and even then Michelangelo needed to resort to subterfuge to keep the doge from “improving” on his work with “suggestions” [read “commands”].)

The very first Rocky movie was a work of art because the producers focused on telling a simple, singular story about a loser who could only win by going the distance, not by defeating his opponent but by refusing to be beaten by him.

It’s a great cinematic moment that rings true and it’s going to last forever…unlike sequels Rocky II - V where Rocky fights supervillains like Mr. T and a robot (hey, that was the movie playing in my head when I watched Rocky IV and it was a helluva lot more entertaining than what I actually saw onscreen).

The suits castrated Rocky, reducing him from a unique universal cultural touchstone down to…well…product.

The MCU movies are product; rather, they are two-hour+ commercials to sell product in the form of videogames, action figures, T-shirts, and Underoos.

The real art occurred almost 60 years ago when Jack Kirby and Steve Ditko knocked out page after page as fast as they could, drawing deep from the wellsprings of their own interests, experiences, and passions.

(“What about Stan?” I hear you ask.  Look, we all love Stan, but truth be told his great contribution to the MCU came in his service as drum major for the Merry Marvel marching Society.  God bless him for firing up the fan base’s enthusiasm for the Marvel bullpen’s work, but compare what his artists did before and after their collaboration with him to what he did before and after his editorial tenure at Marvel and it’s clear upon whose shoulders the muses rested.)

As much fun as MCU movies are (I’ve seen about 1/3 of ‘em and enjoyed most of what I saw), I also recognize in them the harm they do.

They are promoted heavily to sell product to raise the fortunes of one of the biggest corporations on the planet, a corporation that holds control over five of the largest, most popular entertainment brands on the market.

To protect their cash cows, Disney chokes potential rivals in their cribs.

Think there’s going to be another Alien or Predator movie now that Disney owns them and Star Wars?  Why create rivals to a mega-successful property you already own?  (I will be genuinely surprised if we see another Guardians Of The Galaxy movie in light of the faltering popularity of Star Wars in Disney’s eyes; they’re going to want to shore up their billion dollar investment rather than call it a day and let some upstart -- even an upstart they own 100% -- rob them of revenue.)

Disney’s battle plan to choke out all potential rivals leaves no room in the DEU (Disney Expanded Universe) for independent minded creators.

They want competent hired pens who can churn out the product they desire in order to bolster sales of other products derived from those.

(Even more full disclosure:  I wrote for Chip ‘n’ Dale’s Rescue Rangers as well as some Aladdin and Scrooge McDuck comic book stories.)

Disney’s MCU, for all its expertly executed whiz-bang, is a bloated, soulless zombie, a giant gaudy inflated parade balloon blocking the vision of others.

There’s a scene in the movie The Founder -- a genuine cinematic work of art that comments ironically on the selling of a product --  that applies here.

Ray Kroc (Michael Keaton) relentlessly browbeats the McDonald brothers (Nick Offerman and John Carroll Lynch) into letting him replace their real milkshakes with what will come to be known as the McShake, an ersatz product that at best reminds one of what a real milkshake should taste like.

The McDonald Brothers are horrified.  Not only does it not taste like a real milkshake, but it goes against the very grain of what they desire as restauranteurs:  To provide quality food quickly for their customers, trading value for value.

Kroc will have none of this.  To him the customers are simply one more obstacle between him and their money.

He doesn’t see them as the source of his revenue, but as impediments to same.

What benefits them, what nurtures their diets, what gives them pleasure, what trades value for value is completely unimportant to him.

They exist only to make him rich and powerful.

By the end of the film, Kroc has effectively declared war on his own partners, his own employees, his own customers.  He recognizes he is not in the business his customers and employees and partners think he’s in (i.e., fast food) but rather in the real estate business, buying land that McDonald’s franchises must lease from him in order to operate.

By the end, he’s not concerned with how well his customers eat, or how well his employees are treated, or how financially secure his franchise managers feel.

By the end, all he wants is the money, and he doesn’t care how his franchises make it so long as they pass it along to him.

As a result, McDonald’s contributes heavily to America’s obesity and diabetes epidemics, advising their employees to take second jobs so they can afford to continue working for them at substandard wages.

Disney’s MCU is a super-sized Happy Meal™ that’s ruining the cultural health of its consumers.

   © Buzz Dixon

[fckeverything-v]

 1. Do you bite or lick ice cream? Lick

 2. What is home to you? Alabama:/

 3. What was the last lie you told? I couldnt tell you

 4. Does everyone deserve the truth? Maybe not?

 6. Describe a moment in which you did something unacceptable in a bad situation. Walk away, move states..

 7. List two things that are more easily done than said. (No, I didn't mix them up.) Being alone & fuck irdk

 8. When was the last time you worked really hard to achieve something? Mhm 4 years ago.

 9. How many all nighters have you pulled? A lotttt haha

 10. If humans didn't evolve to laugh or smile, how would we express our happiness instead? Woah people express that? no but humans would probably bone all the time.

 11. How many romantic "things" or "flings" have you had? Only 2 (technically 3) serious relationships. Many flings.

 12. What is your paradise? I dont have one :(

 13. What is your favorite background noise? (Ex. Water dripping, people talking.) Music

 14. How many hearts do you think you have broken? Only 1... maybe 2 soon. (not you hehe.)

 15. What is the most important thing about electronics? What does this say about you? Finding friendships through social media or other platforms. And mhm probably that im a lonely pos

 16. Why do people care about celebrities? Do you care about celebrities? Because they're pretty. Not really.

 17. What is the most annoying thing someone can do to you? Chew loud.

 18. Do you overexaggerate? What are the pros and cons of this? Eh, yeah. And I cant think of any pros.

 19. Have you played any instruments before? Which instruments? Piano, saxophone

 20. Do you like taking selfies? Why or why not? No. I stare at it until i hate it.

 21. List 3 things you like about yourself?

 22. What is the best advice someone has ever given you? To not give up. As simple as that sounds.

 23. Do you have what it takes to raise a child? Why or why not? No. Dont you need to be mentally stable- i would hope so..

 24. How do you cheer yourself up after a bad day? Play games for hours.

 25. When was the last time you felt awkward? Ha. Literally 5 minutes ago.

 26. Are you introverted or extroverted? Or a mixture of both? Introverted x100000

 27. What constitutes a good friend? Someone who doesnt give up on you amd atleast tries to understand.

 28. Would you rather have a lot of friends to hang out with or just one best friend? One best friend.

 29. In a regular day, what do you not want to hear? 'Hey hows your day going'

 30. What is your dream job? Fuck, is this still a question.. to be a homicide detective in the biggest city i can think of.

 31. Is it better to be lazy but smart or hardworking but unintelligent? Lazy and smart DUH

 32. What is a truth about yourself that others find hard to believe?

 33. What have you always wondered about the other gender? What it feels like to GET OFF. DUH.

 34. Which fantasy world would you like to visit the most? Um my own dreams i guess.

 35. Describe the worst friend you have ever befriended. Im not wasting my time describing that.

 36. Imagine that you have switched bodies with someone you don't know. You can't switch back. What do you do? Live it up. I think id feel happy honestly.

 37. If you found the recipe for immortality, would you sell it or would you burn it? Mh. Sell it, their problem now and im rich.

 38. What is the most important, applicable class you have ever taken? Current events.

 39. Name the last book you read. Dammed- chuck palahniuk

 40. Imagine that you are unable to express emotion. How would this affect your world? No change

 41. When was the last time you made the first move? Um never..

 42. What is your opinion on electronic music such as dubstep or trap? Trash

 43. What was the last tv show youve watched? Rick and Morty.

 44. Do you like and appreciate your life? I appreciate what i am trying to do.

 45. Do you like and appreciate yourself?

 46. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday

 47. What are you scared of? Heights.

 48. What is the most embarrassing, cringe-worthy thing you have ever done? Um live my life everyday probably.

 49. What are some of your hobbies? .... literally WORSE question. I smoke cigs. Is that a hobby?

 50. What is a superficial yet annoying mistake you constantly make?

 51. Are you a good friend? What makes you a good friend? If not, what makes you a bad friend? I feel like i am both. I try to be there for them. But also, im so hard to get so i feel like i might come off the wrong way a lot.

 52. Do you honestly learn from your mistakes? Honestly; nope.

 53. What have you learned the hard way? Not to care what people think. After wasting my whole life. Im starting to realize it doesnt matter.

 54. What is the most important thing to have in order to attain happiness? Follow your heart

 56. Are you a creative or a logical thinker? Both but probably logical.

 57. What is the smartest thing you have ever done?

 58. What is your ideal meal? Fuckk probably so good ass chicken with some gooooood asssssss mac and cheese. As lame as that sounds hahaha.

 59. What is the worst thing someone could do on a date? 1. Go on date with me

 60. Do you like animals? Which kind is your favorite? Yeah and dogs are cute but i love elephants.

 61. If you could turn one legal thing illegal, what would it be? Christmas.

 62. Do you have any guilty pleasures? Of courseeeee (;

 63. What is the best thing that the internet has ever created? Video games.

 64. Do you like playing video games? Which video games? Woah you read my mind of sum? Shooter games.

 65. What is your opinion on beauty in today's society? Bullshit

 66. Are you a morning person? When do you usually wake up? No not really and like 5pm nowadays.

 67. Do you have a favorite Disney movie? Character? No

 68. Would you rather live in the city or in the countryside? City but i love the countryside

 69. Would you rather live near the ocean or in the mountains? Mountains

 70. What are the best things about winter? Cold. Even though i hate it. Snow. Even if i dont see it. Trees dying.

 71. What scares you most about the future? Literally everything.

 72. What makes you feel old? Doing nothing.

 73. How many hours do you spend on the computer or phone on average? Idk like 5.

 74. What are some of your New Year's resolutions? Be a better me.

 75. What is your life story in 6 words?

 76. Describe yourself in one word. Awkward.

 77. What bad habits do you do? Smoking

 78. What genre of music do you listen to? everything

 79. Most prominent childhood memory? I would say, but its embarrassing that that's the memory.

 80. Imagine if you had an older brother. If you already have one, what is it like? If you don't, how would this change your life? My life would be so different. Maybe i would have someone to talk to.

 81. Spirit animal?

 82. Do you believe in horoscopes? Yes

 83. What is the worst advice you've ever been given?

 84. List the 3 most important people in your life right now. 1. Fox 2. Fox 3. Fox

 85. Favorite memory of your family. :/

 86. What do you look for in a relationship? Happiness

 87. Do you have a role model? Why or why not? No. I dont need it. But now that i think about it i have one role model.

 88. What is your opinion on social media? Dumb

 89. Are you a pessimist or an optimist? Pessimest

 90. List some things that you think are overpriced? Food

 91. What is your worst memory or creepiest experience? ..

 92. What superpower would ruin the world? Any of them

 93. What is something you swore you would never do when you grew up, but you did anyway? Exactly what im doing now. Nothing. Giving up. Dropping out

 94. What lessons have you learned from movies and which movies were they? Dont trust yourself when you know you arent okay. Fight club

 95. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? Europe

 96. How do you approach people? I dont but i guess a smile.

 97. What is your opinion on first impressions? I think theyre okay. Only if you dont judge.

 98. What are some things you did as a child that you no longer do? Lol play with imaginary friends

 99. What languages can you speak? English

 100. What do you think society will be like in 30 years? Lol hopefully ill be dead bc that shit sounds terrible

 101. What do you do on your lazy days? Play games.

 102. What ended your last relationship? I had enough.

 103. Favorite food? Soul food

 104. What is the most terrifying dream you've ever had? Fuck im not saying.

 105. When was the last time you got seriously angry? Last night

 106. What was the last friendship you broke? My friend Ashley:(

 107. Do you have any pet peeves? Close minded people

 108. Who was the last person you gave a hug to? Zack

 109. When was the last time you got seriously stressed? Last night

 110. What part of your personality do you want to change? I dont have one.

 111. Who is the most positively influential person in your life right now? My sister Grace.

 112. What is your biggest motivation? My siblings. Faith & Grace.

 113. What did you want to be when you were little? Honestly i never knew.

 114. What are some things that you are good at? Smokin weed

 115. What is one thing you want to be good at? Social skills

 116. What distracts you the most, especially when you're trying to work? My mind

 117. How important is privacy to you? Eh pretty significant i guess.

 118. If you could create one social norm, what would it be? Be friends with everybody.

 119. What's the craziest lie you've ever told? Um.. i told my 2nd grade teacher my family died in a car crash.

 120. What story do you like to tell about yourself at parties? I dont go to parties haaha

 121. What is the lamest thing that you have seen someone do? have friends and socialize too much like woah calm down you know youre still alone.. right. Like its only you. Hahah jk. But irdk.

 122. What is the stupidest thing you've done to impress someone? a guy invited me over and ive never done anything sexual before so i pretended like i knew and i hurt his dick like bad. (We didnt have sex)

 123. What is your morning routine? Wake up, wash face, brush teeth, get dressed, and then boom feel sad

 124. What's the last thing you did that is worth remembering?

 125. If karma was coming back to you, would it help or hurt you? Help

 126. What is your opinion on playing "hard to get?" Being sort of isolated like not opening up. Which is okay bc if they want you they'll wait.

 127. What are the pros and cons of straightforward? Cons, you may hurt feelings. Pro, you know yourself and what you want to say congratulations

 128. What do you consider "leading" someone on? Being fake happy.

 129. Are you the friendzoner or the friendzoned? Friendzoner

 130. What do you admire most about your friends? How beautiful he is. Inside & out.

 131. What do you admire most about your family? They're still here.

 132. What is your opinion on "going with the flow?" You may forget where you are trying to go. Or who you are.

 133. Do you enjoy talking or listening? Listening.

 134. When is it time to end a friendship? Idk

 135. What is the worst excuse you've ever come up with? Lol too many.

 136. If GPA didn't matter, what courses would you have taken? Doesnt matter.

 137. What are your favorite baby names? Ive always liked Riley for a girl name and idk havent thought Bout a boys name.

 138. When was the last time you had a deep conversation with someone? Maybe a week or so ago. Or a few days ago.

 139. What instantly ruins a conversation? Lack of excitement

 140. Biggest turn ons and turn on offs. Affection. And idk

 143. When did you last do something outside of your comfort zone? God every day.

 147. What do you like about the 21st century? ???

 141. Biggest disappointment. Myself

 142. Do you have any self-restraint? A little.

 144. Prized possession(s)? little things

 145. What is your opinion on second chances? They might seem okay but idk.... depends i guess

 146. Text or call? Both, depends on whom im texting or callin

 148. What advice would you give to yourself 5 years ago? Life is hard and stupid but choices you make will stay with you forever so what are you gonna do, follow your heart or head? (head is better hope)

 149. How organized are you? Eh not really anymore.

 150. Favorite mode of transportation. My car

[ataoufiqmourtachou]

"Look at CHALLENGES as OPPORTUNITIES!" Top 10 Rules

if you want to be successful learn from the other people's mistakes don't learn from the successful stories don't hate your competitors respect your competitors learn from him I complain a lot when I was young because I think  Bill Gates took odd opportunities for the Microsoft and Steve Jobs all these guys there's no job there's no great big stuff left for us need motivation watch a top 10 would believe nation what's up at seven my one word is believe and I believe in you I believe you have an amazing gift inside you that I want to see explode out onto the world so let's get your motivation to attend and get you believing in you grab a snack and chew on today's lessons from a man who

went from growing up in China and giving tours to tourists for free for nine years just to learn English to becoming one of the wealthiest people in the world with a net worth of over fifty billion dollars he's Jack Ma and here's my take on his top ten R was a success vol 3 enjoy alright let's kick things off with rule number one learn from the mistakes of others my thinking is that you guys remember if you want to be successful learn from the other people's mistakes don't learn from the successful stories successful stories they make don't listen to that there are a lot of reasons behind it just like god I remember the first time Harvard Business

School came to us say J we want to write a case study for you yes years 2001 a 2000 became the spend one week and they write a report and I read no I said this is not me and this is this is you as a no this is not us is that this is you so they make IV sign and the case study go up and they start to teaching love universities the next five years they invite to need to go to the case study and they always find a competitor of my company and F after every case that case study Ali Papa would die that company will succeed all the students are Greek and actually every five year all the competitive diet ways to survive so how can you study this kind of a success of a star

learn from the mistakes the other people no matter how smart you are you will encounter these mistakes you learn from mistakes not because you will be able to avoid mistakes you were able to when these mistakes come they suffer comes you know how to deal with it how to face it I like the book I want to write if I if I want if I can is a re Bubber 1001 mistake this is the most rational things that in my life in my life is not how much we achieved is how much we go through the tough days and mistakes and this is what you speak if you start to think now would be good rule number 2 focus on quality not size last a century the bigger the better this century the good abandon do the business not because

the size it is not necessary the big size you are the more profit you are you really believe that I believe that's a different we have you know we got a fortune 500 companies you you judge because of the size how many of them are really happy how many of them profit no small companies they're very profitable they're very happy because spend time was the wife and a husband and kids traveling around and first life rule number three be the first dog tried to beat the best be the first be the first to change be the first the chap take the challenge be the first one to overcome the difficulties because the best person there's only one Olympic champion I

don't think I'm lucky enough to be bad but I can always try the new things and don't give I believe it because you you are so unique everybody's unique be yourself is always the key rule number four prepare for the future people like me I was born in a very poor family I never got a great education and I failed all the examinations for what reason I don't know but later I realize I don't have money I don't have technology I don't have a lot of good backgrounds where we have a rich uncle or something no they only that competed with my people then young people is let's compete for ten years later this is what I believe ten years later will be happening so everything I do for that

goal I know 10 years later this thing is going to happen so prepare for that because I know if I compete with him for next Mouse no chance so this is how my message it's up it's a challenge but it's opportunity and it's the opportunity for people like us this world the most difficult of thing is to convincing a successful people wait tell him this is a great opportunity to nananananana forget it right I've been doing this for 30 years but for people like us we're looking for opportunities in order to survive so we will do anything to be creative so this is the message 30 years it's opportunity for us it's a challenge

for those people who are 60 years old if they're 60 years old not discrimination but it is tough for them rule number five respect your competitors who's your most dangerous competitor is it Amazon or is it ten-second well people always think compare us with Emma's Evers a great company I respect I've been seeing them from Al tiny to that big and I think they will continue to grow but we are different we Amazon is an e-commerce company we are not ecommerce company we enable other people to do ecommerce we want to making sure everybody can be Amazon so are you saying $0.10 is the greater course they are great company and you know it's it's

not easy to be that size within only such less than 20 years so innovative and so creative are so different on social technology and they're basting certainly in attention and they are almost every way in China or respect of course we compete but compete does not mean I have to hate them don't hate your competitors respect your competitors learn from him but you know pony and I we've been doing the charity together the Nature Conservancy and protected the or but we compete each other but when we compete each other we should respect each other I respect him I respect him same rule number six see challenges as opportunities this world today's of full of challenges and opportunities 2,000

years ago full of challenges and opportunities and I'm sure 2,000 years later                                            full of challenges and opportunities there's always it's depends on how you look at somebody look at this challenge as opportunity young people we say there's no opportunity I complain a lot when I was young because I think Bill Gates took odd opportunities for the Microsoft Steve Jobs all these guys there's no job there's no great big stuff left for us but I think opportunity always lies in the challenges always lies in the complaints if you can solve the challenge you have there you will be successful

the big challenge you solve the big problem of the the big opportunity you have rule number seven my personal favorite belief in the past 18 years when I do internet in China we got a criticism every day you know something will you believe it a lot of people criticize it but if you really believe continue to do it improve it we were rejected by more than 30 venture capitalists but we are very optimistic we believe in the future we believe in Internet and we believe that if we do not succeed somebody will rule number eight surround yourself with greatness how do I emote to by incentive unlock by by our colleagues you have to find the people

they can mobilize themselves it's impossible to find two to encourage an active person so the people your high that people work together they they have to be oh you cannot we have a 65,000 in price now you cannot hire all of them that positive but at least the people work with me my management leadership several areas they have to be positive they have to know the incentive the others because I cannot accept everybody and making sure the culture so I think it would be very painful for me to talk to my vice president and he need to be incentivized and mobilized every time right this won't work if he is not if he does not know how to incentivize or mobilize his people it's better I

don't think he will be the vice president they should be a good engineer good designer but not good leader a good leader should know how but not by only money                                        most of people incentive lies or move on not because you give them a lot of money you give the respect just appreciation and correct hard to fool advice when it come to my meetings internal meetings you have your shop because we we're not like a lot of other Chinese company the boss they ever listen take notes and going down we are like a war room we make this issue based on whose voice is louder early days you know spider the talk and then making sure everybody speak up right so this is also a way of

mobile life and incentives there are a lot of ways and different people have a different way to send incentive rule number nine live healthy I think life is a journey you come to this world is to enjoy the life to be happy and healthy so the day when you leave the world and say I'm happy in my life my health in this life because if you're not healthy you will not be happy so I believe happy and healthy are the things the human being always looking for and I think next to 30 years because of the technology people the life size is gonna change a lot and people is gonna live longer but we can live longer does not necessarily live healthy so if you're not healthy how can you be happy

if you live longer if you're not happy why you live there and we'll number 10 the last one before the bonus clips have fun                                                now I've got some special jakmob bonus clips for you but before that the  question of the day is do you have enough fun in your business should entrepreneurs have fun in their business yes or no and why I'd love to hear from you leave it down the comments below thank you guys so much for watching I believe in you I hope we continue to believe in yourself and whatever you're one where it is much love I'll see you soon and enjoy the bonus clips I found some great leaders in the world they are always positive they never

complained others and never complain and they they look at the things in a different view like normal people so I think people a my company they at the beginning they don't like me because I'll always think about ten years five years and then after we working together for three or five years they find out who you are right then we got the credit rating and as a CEO one of the jobs  where everybody's happy you have to see the unhappy things when everybody's unhappy you have to see the happy things so leadership is nature but you have to have a train and learn and I got my leadership sub upgraded in Davos I see so many well you know on the end to financing how many people here know

about Ally pay Thank You Ally pace decision was made here I was thinking about Ally paid you know but I was not a dare to launch a leap it because in China if you do financing with unlicensed you were being jailed at that time so I say I went to the banks can't help us do the e-commerce of transaction no no no no banks would accept it so if there will be no a leap in no financing the e-commerce to go nowhere so I was year 2004 I was here listen to a speech by two state leaders about leadership and this guy's leadership is about responsibility you believe it but don't be that people don't believe it but if you think is so critical you should pay any price to do it so that day change to

my mind I had a call back to my team say let's launch it within one month if somebody else go to the Jill I go to the gym who would be the second we'll follow me if I go you continue and you go to the Jill you go continue that was the called the leadership determination and year 2004 I made a decision here I called back and now today the a leap a launched and it's so big over you know 800 million people today using a leap a bullet this is called I was born a very normal family and poor family six people sure $7 a mouth we can only eat one chicken a year was terrible Nixon visit to my city 1972 China USA signed Mao Zedong Nixon signed the

agreement so China become opened oh my city Hauser was one of the first cities that opened to the west we got a lot of American tourists to visit my city what he would do is he would befriend foreign visitors who came to Hangzhou to walk around the west lake there and I learned English by being the free guide for tour guide you know more than the language Jack was learning about the culture the things I learned from books from China are so different from the things I learned from the American visitors so I start to think differently raise your standard Apple at the core its core value is that we believe that people need passion not one drop of myself work depends on

your it's suppose to mean I don't ever give up I'd have to be dead or completely incapacitated hey believe nation if you want to see my all-time favorite top ten most of success I have a very special secret video for you these are the individual clips that I have personally learned the most from and applied to my life and my business.

[jaydraws-tings]

14, 17 and 23 soft asks

-Hello my dear friend! Thank you for the asks!-

14.) Talk about one of your most cherished childhood memories.

So I actually don't really have a cherished memory. I don't really remember too much of my childhood. Some things that stick out i suppose is my first remembered snow day. Where im from it don't really snow much and that was the first time it had ever really truly snowed towards where the ground was covered and you could actually play in it. It was a lot of fun! Other than that when I would lay beside my dad's desk and just listen to music with him. Hed play Video games and always have on some type of song. Mainly oldies though. 40's - 60's. One of my favorites from this being songs like Earth Angel from the Penguins. It was well short to say some of the fondest memories i have with him.

17.) What is something you own that is important to you? What makes it so important?

One of the most important things i have to this date is a stuffed wolf i so cunningly named Wolfie. Ive had it since probably 4th grade I think. I and two friends i had made in that year each got one. And well through the years it held a lot of importance. Reminded me to keep on going even when it gets tough. I miss both of my friends and wherever they are i hope they're doing well. Hopefully one day our little trio could meet again? But alas who knows heh.

23.) What's your zodiac sign? Do you think you fit the general characteristics of that sign?

So! I was born on April 19th making me an Aries :) So with that, im not really sure how many characteristics i fall under. Hopefully to others considering i have no good way to really measure these things im enthusiastic and i know for a fact once you get me fired up itll take me a while to calm down. Im not so sure about the whole leader thing. I dont really tend to look at roles like that. And Hopefully I'm creative and at least a bit amusing lol. As for the negatives, i am a hardass with while necessarily not a short fuse i do get annoyed easily. I am reckless, childish, and I am known to be a bit stupid. (My friend agreed with me on this lol these are a few of the things she's called me throughout the years TvT) Still it takes me a while to get ahold of my emotions and to come up with a decent enough plan not to override my senses. Im known to pack a lot of responsibilities onto myself and im fine with that. Tad bit of a workaholic lol. But nonetheless it's who I am. So yeah i guess i do fit a bit of the Aries characteristics!

[myfriendpokey]

clearance sale

clearing out some of my backlog of opinions before the new year so i can start anew. in this post I have accumulated some writing scraps on the only three topics: 1. finance 2. mystery 3. location

FINANCE

i enjoyed these recent-ish posts against the idea of indie sustainability, although as someone who already works a day job i always feel a bit ambivalent about the advice to just work a day job to pay for this stuff - - like yes, absolutely, do it, BUT sell your shit too in the knowledge that the type of precarity we associate w/ creative work is already in the process of being implemented everywhere else as well (or has already been - zero hour contracts, sub-living wages etc). like i am fortunate to still have a day job which pays a living wage and leaves me time to work on my own things on the side - but this feels like an anachronism rather than an inevitability right now.. maybe my unsustainable games will help keep me afloat when my job gets automated and i have to go work in an amazon warehouse, unsustainable games for an unsustainable job, ha ha ha. video games are an exploitative bubble but so is the rest of "the market".

it is true that this is a political problem rather than one in the narrow remit of things that can be fixed with the right 10-point sales plan- -  nevertheless i think the issue of trying to make even small money off these things will remain kind of pressing as, in turn, regular employment comes more and more to resemble irregularly compensated hobbyist labour.

anyway one point i found really interesting, which i think all the above posts kind of grapple with - - the idea that it's not necessarily more "realistic" to aim at selling 1000 copies rather than 100,000. i think while we make fun of the aspiring millionaires a lot of people have just been banking on the idea of a fertile middle ground between the two extremes of tiny and ludicrous amounts of sales, between boom and bust. i'm sure there are still people working in that space but it seems like it's shrinking.

one question brendan keogh asks in his piece is "why should game makers be any different  [from the norm of artists, musicians etc not really making any money]?" i think this can actually be answered a little - because hobbyist game development sort of exploded in tandem with the internet itself becoming more naturalized within everyday life, because the economic basis for indie games was always centered around the internet, which means people working in indie games were always in the vicinity of the massive, startling movements of capital that the internet rendered more visible and immediate. no more were the weird vicissitudes of the market hidden behind closed doors, in boardrooms or stock quotations - now you could log onto any site and see just bewildering amounts of money suddenly funnel into the pockets of this or that individual in real time, frequently to their own surprise as well. and i think this connected to something more general - a sort of ambient awareness of financialization, the way "the financial sector" cannibalized things like industry, the greater visibility of capital not as something embedded in some specific product or set of individual practices but as a kind of weird free-floating aura arbitrarily descending or departing. enormous reservesof "general" wealth became more visible just as the benefits and stability of waged employment became yet more desolate and i think you need to see the draw of one in part as a consequence of the other. 

gacha-capitalism, permanent artificial scarcity coupled with the vague, insistent prospect of fantastic gains, as long as you keep playing. which is a rhythm already enshrined in many areas of working life - broke college students and unpaid graduates hustling for eventual employment, waged workers grinding through until  retirement. but it's one the enhanced immediacy and swiftness of capital on the internet intensified and extended. fabulous payouts can strike anyone at any time, in exchange for slowly bleeding out the prospect of any other kind of livelihood. much like the austerity following the financial crash which levelled so many basic social services for no particular purpose other than the hope that doing so for long enough would please the gods of prosperity to start tossing money around again. all dues, no pay.

i do think it's worth being cynical about the efforts to domesticate this process, building a fair and sustainable biome within capitalism, by using the tools of that same capitalism etc.  but if the format can't be seperated from the wider world then that's something which swings both ways. for me the most interesting critical work around vgames right now is in the effort to move outside of the constant, numbing boom-and-bust cycles of capital, the idiot repetition of exhilaration and depression and exhilaration and it'll all be okay as long as we can hold out one more cycle, particularly when that's a rhythm which has been central to the development of the format from the beginning. i think anyone involved with developing videogames has probably seen multiple generations of cool shit emerge, get abruptly killed off and written out of history in accordance with market diktats, and then replaced with a new wave of cool shit whenever the investors shift gears into "expansion" mode again. a mode of thinking about and preserving what people do that stands in opposition to this is something i can easily imagine being more generally useful in the culture, as ever more areas of life and culture start becoming subject to the same questions.

MYSTERY

there's a mystery in depth and a mystery in shallowness. with depth the habitual glance of recognition goes out and falls through - you can place roughly where something is in relation to the world, but not what it's doing, not where it goes. as a presence it seems to require a new mode of attention to be recognized, which i guess is why it sometimes makes me uneasy - that challenge, the way that challenge can be moralized. are you a bad enough dude to engage with art?? if there are 100 black obelisks in a field which one do you decide to look at? and will it really turn out to be deep, or just dense?

videogames can feel like depth-worship, like the embodiment of an essentially cthonic system of values. how deep did you go and what did you see there? did  you find the gold bars in pac-man? (www.mikesarcade.com/cgi-bin/spies.cgi?action=url&type=info&page=pmgoldbar.info.txt) did you see the secret ending? how far did you get into the game mechanics, into the lore? this marks the top 10 deepest players on this game. surpass  them... if you dare. an ethos of diligent attention, hierarchial levels of  understanding and initiate-dom, a sub-culture. and at best a maguslike  dedication to altered states of consciousness that i can respect, an interest in shifting through mangled pieces of debris in search of secret mysteries. at worst the authority cults and tests of true belonging that spring up around those mysteries, whose value is in being hidden and whose guarantee is in the strenuous effort with which they must be located. paranoia about true spiritual meanings being plundered by opportunistic interlopers. stay out. get good.

the videogame has the basic opacity of the computer system and the act of engaging with this curious abyss is allegorized into dungeons, castles, mazes. trapdoors and secret corridors. one pleasure in looking up older games for me is in seeing them recognize and learn how to thematize this basic sense of mystery. in bubble bobble the obscure scoring mechanics and secret endings are cheekily perverse, arcade challenge by another means - another system to game. in king's quest there's something like a crossfertilization between the strange causal voids of the fairy tale and the adventure game: "Exit the gingerbread house and go east and east. There is a large walnut tree here. Take walnut and then open walnut to discover a gold nut. Head east and take bowl . Look bowl  to see the words “fill” at the bottom. Fill and the bowl will fill up with a delicious stew." the wizardry games took the connection between mysterious game systems and occult knowledge much further - the "true" ending of wizardry iv means finding a secret chamber and answering a series of riddles based on your knowledge of the kaballah (or at least, kaballah-derived tarot interpretations).

it's easy to moralize depth - lotus eaters, magic islands. you wander through a strange land and then return to find it's 5 hours later and you forgot to eat. there's something creepy to me about depth on an industrial scale, about building huge tunnels with massive teams on forced overtime, and then a team of professional tunnel reviewers cautiously start descending on ropes and come back every so often and say, well, 20 hours in and it all looks ok, and meanwhile everybody else is jumping en masse. maybe that's more of an issue with consumer culture in general. but sometimes it feels like a way to avoid dealing with certain inherent limitations of that culture, or even limitations of art in general, by projecting those limits out to the end of ever-deeper tunnels that fewer and fewer people will ever see, the rest of them straggling back, exhausted, getting jobs. well, i can't tell you if red dead 2 is good or not. i only got 60 hours in, and i never even found all the falcons.

if the mystery of depth is having too much space for speculation to operate coherently within, the mystery of shallowness is having not enough space for speculation to operate at all: something is too manifestly there, limited, closed-off, it's hard to push it away to get some metaphorical breathing room. 

i feel this way sometimes reading writers like tove jansson, flannery o'connor - SOMETHING happened, the stories are short and clear and describe some definite event without too much uncertainty, they even have "broader themes" raised - but somehow the themes feel embarrassingly outsize for the stories, and the stories remain too clearly defined to sink back into the murk of a generalized moral or experience. they feel like moral stories when you can't work out what the moral might be.

robbe-grillet on raymond roussel: "Now these chains of elucidations,  extraordinarily precise, ingenious, and farfetched, appear so derisory, so disappointing, that it is as if the mystery remained intact. But it  is henceforth a mystery that has been washed, emptied out, that has become  unnameable. The opacity no longer hides anything. One has the impression of  having found a locked drawer, then a key; and this key opens the drawer impeccably... and the drawer is empty."

there's a famous shallowness to videogames as well that's most often caught by people outside the culture - when you see the fake videogames in a comicbook, or on tv, and they're named something like "washing machine simulator 3000" or "municipal tax assailants". and part of this also stems from the computer, the history of the computer as it insinuated its way into everyday life, as a mysteriously elaborate and convoluted way of doing just impossibly banal things, like balancing chequebooks or printing text. the stubborn thingliness of not-quite-functional machines, the way the thingliness glosses and corrodes their own internal fantasies, mirrors of the basic weirdness that is human consciousness as a material fact within the world. 

with my friend i used to joke  about "e3" just being the dumpster behind an abandoned gamestop - all those needy longform experiences frozen into evocative trinkets. find a nonfunctional disk copy of mario odyssey and it gives you all the same delight as playing mario odyssey, only without having to. i think there's something beautiful about that flatness, that directionless object-hostility, the rejection of the grandoise hero's journey fantasies that it implies – as well as something baleful, a rejection of consciousess in general, the idea that it could take you anywhere not inside your own head.

LOCATION

why are there so many videogames about going outside? every time i've played a videogame it's been inside a room, usually a dark one, mostly while still wearing my pajamas. for me it is an internal activity. but not only do all these games take place in fields and plains, they always talk about the wonders of going on a voyage, the beauty of the great outdoors, the superiority of the wandering main characters to the slugs and layabouts who sit at home all day.... it's weird to me, i demand we move past these cloying pseudo-critiques. raymond williams once pointed out that the first pastoral was written from the perspective of a rentier daydreaming of cashing out and moving to a country home. i demand more games with the courage of their implict convictions and that if they require you to sit motionless indoors  for hours they should explicitly establish and argue for a value system in which this is the best possible thing that you can do. imagine if movies were all set in dark chambers full of people sitting down - i think i can say they would be much less insipid as an artform. "all of man's problems stem from an inability to stay in his room".

(images: Gakken No O Benkyou Soft Kazu Suuji, Legend of Legaia, a Chinese bootleg cart, and ...Iru!)