#and iv mostly accepted that and ik that even if she did it wldnt fix and make up for all the trauma i have from them
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why did you say that why did u point that out. r u fucking trying to mess with me
#using one of those online glasses things that send u frames to try on first to get new glasses and my mum was watching me try them on#and this one pair i liked had this little kinda rainbow thing like it wasnt the full colours it was like#small stripes going red to green and one blue line#on the inside of one of the arms of the glasses#and she pointed it out like 'oh look theres also this on it !'#LIKE WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT ?!?!!?#like i was just like 'yea i guess there is haha' but like. wtf was that about ?!?!!?#like okay. i am so so ubsurd insane for having this is be my main thought#and actually incredibly rather sad and pathetic and reaching#but for some reason my first thought was that she was like . trying to subtly hint that shes no longer homophobic and accepts me as queer#WHICH IS INSANE ?!?!!? bc like. okay.#if that was the case she would just fucking tell me directly#but also thats obviously not going to fucking be the case omfg like. i know her i know what shes like#this isnt something shed change her mind on if it was shed have done so when i was literally fucking begging her to#and also like. shes would have actually changed her other behavour in other ways if she realised she was wrong#and like shes acts like fake the most surface level way nice but she hasnt actually changed#just like. ugh. i feel like the reason that was my first thought was bc like. even though ik its impossible at this point#and iv mostly accepted that and ik that even if she did it wldnt fix and make up for all the trauma i have from them#part of me still wishes my parents wld change their mind and accept me as queer ig#which idk kinda rly sucks bc they wont but idk. i keep dreaming abt it too and waking up feeling weird.#idk whatever . it sucks but its fine#flappy rambles#vent
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