#and its truly the state im in
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what the fudge i dont feel real
this week has truly been the week of all time
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domain expansion
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#fanart#jjk fanart#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk leaks#jjk 264#yuuji#help she entered a fugue state and finished a painting in 7 hours again#I still wish with all my heart that wed gotten megumi but HOLDS UP YUUJI THATS MY BOYYYYYYY#god his face is Messed Up i feel so bad#but i do think this is how ill go about drawing the injuries from now on :'>#just a Mess of flesh tones on that boy :((((( maybe shoko can kiss it better#anyway towards the end of drawing this my llsif pilled brain supplied 'domain expansion: happy party train' and i think its a keeper#yuuji if u havent picked a name yet pls consider thank u <3#a train station tho......as much of a vibe as it is i SUFFERED#the high ceilings full of pipework...the parallel lines....thank god i make the rules and dont actually have to detail it all#i love u vague lines that convey Essence Of Room#i think it works !!! i feel like im waiting fr a train n watching time slow around me as the lights stretch#btw the rake brush is SO good fr making lil bits of stretched light like u r squinting . i love it i have fun#anyway enjoy !!! him!!!! we r truly in yuuji kaisen i never Once doubted my boy
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I need scenes where Daryl explicitly shows that he loves Carol for all of who she is as a human. I know we know it, even though that feeling has been fading since the spin-off and even in parts of season 11. But I reallyyy need at least one scene where Daryl catches Carol doing something distinctly Carol and looks at her for a *prolonged* time with unambiguous love all over his face. And then he actively shows and tells her. Like the scenes where Aaron and Rosita see Carol putting herself through pain to kill the horse to feed Alexandria. I need to know that Daryl sees that in her. And I need to see him radiate intense love in her direction because she fucking needs it.
#i just feel like carol has spent years and years and years being the most selfless and loving human on the planet#and she has no idea how fuck beautiful of a human she is#even though her family love her they also punish her for her flaws and its gross honestly#but you know who never did that#daryl#and you know who now feels like he sometimes does that#you guessed it#and i just feel like shes trapped in this state of daryl being the only person who always loved her unconditionally and just hoping for...#for that version of him to come back again#but shes not asking for it bc she doesnt think she deserves it#but she hopes#and it feels like he isnt there for her#not really#i need her to feel loved again#even when they reunited in france it just felt like she was relieved to have found him but at terminus it was more like joy to realise...#how much he loved her#when does she get to have that again#even the shocked look she gave during “im the one you tell” when she realised he actually WANTS to be there for her i'd like that again#our man daryl just built all of this reassurance that he loves and supports her and then when shes at her most lost he withdraws it#like what the fuck#i just want carol happy so much#or just LOVED i just want her to feel truly loved#bc right now i feel like she feels like people just tolerate her#can anyone honestly tell me they watched tboc and feel like carol feels unwaiveringly loved and supported throughout that series#bc wow#silly me but i think we all deserve more than what she got there#caryl#the book of carol#tboc#carol peletier
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did u hear that lana married the alligator republican
I am aware that she tied the knot w/leatherface yes, the lanitas on reddit are on suicide watch rn but I'm serene bc I think of celebrities less of friends who I get personally invested in & more as dancing monkeys in the zoo who exist only to entertain me & well. I am entertained
#u know the zen I experienced watching swiffers freak out over ratty? same state#Im sorry I like celebrity drama when its funny & to me this is kind of funny .#the only thing celebrities can do to truly enrage me is pretend that their lives suck compared to mine. thats it#asks
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hey guys if i see another billdip vs billford poll i might ram my fist through my head <3 in fact can we stop with the comparison altogether lol. CLEARLY theyre the same but also completely different we’ve all elaborated enough on that. idc which one u like they both equally suck because bill is the worst. now lets go back to making whichever one we like better (for some weird unknowable reasons) kiss in our heads and go about our day. PLEASE
#billdip#not tagging the other ones cuz theyre mean to us#but listen i truly dont care. canon not canon WHO CARESSSSS ITS A FUCKING TRIANGLE#’its pedophilia’ please go outside for once in ur life genuinely im worried about u#i think we should worry less about which ship is better and more about what shipping either says about our mental state#im betting 90% of us grew up with a narcissistic parent LMAO#ok enough diagnosing i wont waste my degree here#but seriously excuse my harsh tone this is all in good fun#i like making fun of how absurd this is#tldr we all need therapy and also our favorite ship is based#i am a billdip tho for life theyre my bread and butter and if u dont understand Well. u just werent meant to. but trust me its glorious#i wish u could get it#canon is as real as these characters are. meaning its not
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venting like an idiot
the main reason i dont wanna go back to uni is that i feel like i've completely embarrassed myself last year. idk, i feel horrified at the thought of returning and looking these people in the eye. i didn't do anything, i was lazy and barely finished my projects and the only way to redeem myself somehow would be to come back with some new energy and work hard. i didn't even really get a job this summer because i really wanted to rest, cause i thought i would drop out. and i just feel worse, i feel even more tired
#ughhhh#im not going to drop out just yet#itd be a shame i think#theres many opportunities at my uni that i just dont take cause i cant commit to them or im too tired or im too scared#idk if doing any of this is worth it if i don't truly commit tho#i dont think ive learned anything these past 2 years tbh i feel like ive been wasting time and money#and i know my mental state is just my fault cause i cant get myself to do anything and i feel shame and spiral but goddd#idk i just feel like shit#the academic year starts so soon and i just dread everything thats to come#idk i dont even feel like im going to come out of this school with a portfolio. im literally nothing and ive done nothing#i have no idea how i could write a dissertation because ive literally learned nothing i have no desire to learn i just want to fucking chil#i cant get myself to care much for anything except silly shit thats just a distraction from uni work ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh#sucks sucks everything sucks#sorry for this stupid fucking essay im just having lots of thoughts and no one to tell them so.. um#vent#i know this is all my fault but also like. what am i supposed to do about it every solution sounds like literal hell to me -_-#i guess ive been feeling less suicidal recently which i guess is good but i feel like its bad cause like ykiyk ig#idk its all a huge contradiction
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#i have no regrets about divorcing from villainous#im glad i have a much better hyperfix now#both the fandoms are weird and overwhelming#but at least crash bandicoot is more enjoyable currently than villainous' current state (no offense)#crash bandicoot#comet's blasted bandicoot buffoonery#im not tagging villainous i am not going to be beat up by the fanbase#btw im still critical of the show. ill truly be free from its shackles once it completely ends. the shorts and orientation vids >>>>>>>#shitpost#but yeah sorry for this one
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20102023
when we shake off the darkness and harness the light ⚡️
(i turned 28 last week!)
#illustrations#digital#selfportrait#original#im like 10 days late bc its been. A TIME#work throttling me/car accident/cross-state weekend trip/work in general got my ASS but we move#overcome by nothing but thieves truly the song of the year
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i love how 3/4ths of the cat finns could kill a man with a mere look meanwhile sasha over here is the happiest camper alive and looks like hes made of marshmallows dreams and puppydog tails
#the finnish four dynamic truly is intricate#im sorry why did catmin capture all the finns mid glare and sasha on the other hand is in a perpetual state of happiness#its his natural state he is a carebear#but also deeply hilarious#oh the dicothmy#ive missed them all together i say as if we were wont of more of them together
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spoilers for dungeon meshi chapters 37-38
something about these two pages is so...... the way kabru is trying to brutally kill falin while simultaneously restricting her movement in such an elegant(?) way.... the delicate precision in the way he stabs her... the raw emotion on their faces: the determination, shock, fear.... i think i hauve covid
#dungeon meshi#L.txt#kabuposting#i would buy this volume for these two pages alone they are so gorgeous and gross and intimate(?) i want to throw up#im so excited to see this animated i might actually pass out seeing it on the screen#trigger please do your thing... for me#falin and her feathers being white/light colored potentially playing off of associations with angels/divinity or maybe even representing#transparency re: her motives whereas kabru is shown wearing dark colors/black. his motives are unclear and mysterious unlike falin's#more typical earnestness - even in this state where she isn't 'truly herself' she is shown being careful and gentle#very intentionally not trying to associate the dark color w 'evil' or whatever i think its more relating to the 'darkness' aka the mystery#of what lies in the dark of the dungeon which could allude to kabru's more secretive and reserved nature as well as his true goals ?#HDHLDHKSKHDKGD I THINK I HAUVE COVID 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
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still haven't moved on from zane in this episode (aka I hit tag limit again and am unhappy about it)
#alek insanity#not gonna main tag this but prepare for a tiny rant#home is actually really good zane characterization and its super cool to me how it holds up to this day#s1 characterization is very specific to me because the behaviors displayed by the ninja there (mostly) isnt bc thats how they really are but#its due to societal pressure. cole originally being more 'stone faced tough guy' -> 'down to earth' -> 'really sensible easy to talk to guy'#is because hes always been a sensitive guy... but he felt he couldnt express that true version of himself. thats the whole thing behind his#true potential. jay going from s1 -> s6 -> now is less of societal pressure and more teenager figuring himself out but it still applies. ish#seeing how much the ninja have changed or grown from then to now is amazing because back then they all wore masks. they didnt know each#other all that well. but theyve gained that comfortability with each other and also have grown and matured as people#some seasons / eps characterization for certain people im not a fan of (lloyds random misogyny arc in s13) but i mean the overall trend here#and then there is zane. zane in home was pretty dead on to how he behaves now (at least... when it comes to his faults?) and i dont want to#say people skim over that but i am the sf proclaimed n1 s1e2 fan and overthink every scene. zane's early characterization is some of my fav#for him period. he also goes through a ton of traumatic stuff and a ton of bad writing bouts but why he acts so 'weird' or 'distant' has#always been a thread sewn in. he changed so much he stayed the same in a way... if that makes sense. -> ohhh the ninja get mail and he#doesnt? oh he has no family? he quite literally walks away from that situation. oh the ninja are yelling in his face and asking whats wrong#with him? he literally walks away from that situation. he says its to follow the falcon but seeing how he apologized to them by not only#baking a ton of pies (cough... the food fight is what led to him leaving at first) but he also found them a whole entire new house.#zane is unable to truly value what he does for others. insert him in s11 saying he 'tried' to fufill his goal of protecting others.#everything he has ever done still isnt good enough. then the ninja tried to apologize and he didnt really... let them.#that one post about characters putting on facades and that facade being how people really see them. even in fandom. thats zane to me#the guy who lies about being upset and avoids his problems ran away after being yelled at? and he said he wasnt really mad? that is a lie!!#him being a ~360 when it comes to his character development is neat to me because he never hid behind a mask in the same way the others did#cole wanting to seem tough vs being really soft? kai wanting approval so bad he starts being selfish? kai isnt selfish usually!#he is self centered but that is a whole different thing. just wanting to fit in and breaking free of that. zane's true potential came in the#form of 'i finally know why i am not normal' instead of 'i will be my true self'. zane never pretended to not be weird#(instert book) states he literally didnt know why people got mad at him. he just existed and it was 'wrong'. the mask he hid behind was#avoidance. he was pretty open about how he actually was (most of the time). when he was upset he would audibly sigh and walk away lol#but for him saying he wasnt upset / saddened by the ninja... it felt like a moment of selflessness. if that makes sense. he blamed himself#for the monestary burning down. so he didnt deserve the apologies (ish) in the virtues of spinjitzu zane is shown as the generous one iirc#he puts the needs of others over his own. he will bear whatever burden he needs if others are happy. at that same time he doesnt allow
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haaate how my two favourite ships (surgamy + espilver) typically involve the less popular character losing their edge and acting really out of character (but in an in character way?) because when i go through periods of not drawing/writing/whatever much when it comes to surge or espio as standalone characters (or at least outside the context of shipping) i get scared im gonna forget who they are and that theyre actually so cool
#sonic#surgamy#espilver#surge the tenrec#espio the chameleon#tag rant warning#also: i only started truly liking espio after i got into espilver#(i mean i thought he was funny and had awkward swag in mosth but that was it)#wheras i was always a fan of surge and only started to like surgamy a few months afterwards#(i only started reading idw whenever 60 was the latest issue#so its not like im some surgamy og who started shipping them when we knew barely anything about surge)#anyway rant aside#i saw someone complain about surgamy filling the surge tag and while i took it a bit too personally (i didnt interact i just moved on)#at the same time i have to agree#its less of a problem with espilver seeing as espio has been an established character much longer than silver#even if silver's more popular#so it balances out#but surge is only a few years old and exclusive to idw a while amy is 25+. one of the mainstream sonic characters and is in most canons#not to mention despite the unneccessary discourse she is beloved by most#and id say most amy ships are about equally popular (other than sonamy but its probably less popular in recent years)#meanwhile surgamy is like THE surge ship#the only thing i think that comes close is whispurge and it doesnt really#ANYWAY#because of this surge is kind of in amys shadow and just. yeah. im too tired for this.#anyway surge is aroace realistically and i dont want her to reciprocate if amy gets a crush on her#(thats not true)#(if they ever got together i would probably either go into a state of euphoria or mania depending on how mentally stable i am at the time)
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nothing beats just vibing at a friends house. I havent been this Relaxed in days. weeks, probably
#took a banger nap... lounging on this cozy ass couch....#ah. inner peace#chilling w friends is like. its like weed to me#is that anything? i dont think so. what am i saying? gonna go back to sleep#im floatin on a cloud w how relaxed i am its so rare for me and its So nice#no worries here no siree#absolutely unprompted#this is a nice break from normal life#i am. well and truly. Vibing.#finally i can exist in my purest state.... lazy dude whos just some sleepy guy in the corner
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speaking of ocd, I think I'm realizing that I truly don't have anxiety and it's literally just my ocd. im not anxious about anything until it involves me and suddenly I'm spiraling
#[static]#it's hard to describe succinctly but the anxiety I deal with nowadays is directly related to my ocd and autism#some anxiety is so easy to brush off but the ones stemming from my ocd are extremely difficult to get out from under#i'll spiral for weeks about one specific thing and ruminate on it and mentally worry and pick at it forever#it's utterly exhausting jfkdghdf some days are easier than others#and often that one thing I ruminate on becomes multiple things all stemming from the first thing#like recently it's been my car ... the thing is totally fine ... runs fine drives fine but ive been freaked out by it for the last 3 weeks#every time i go into the shop theyre like ... everything is good in fact its in good condition for its age and they'll mention like#one thing that will need to be replaced to keep it in tip top condition and then my brain will fixate on it and imagine all the ways#something horrific will happen if that doesnt get changed and then that leads to all the other things in the car suddenly freaking me out#i defs used to have general anxiety and depression but those went away literally the day i got top surgery#poof instantly gone it was wild and i kept waiting for the other shoe to drop#never did but now my ocd has been really bad the last 6 months cuz of all the extra horrifying things going on#so i thought it was just my anxiety coming back but this week i realized it was my ocd and have been treating it accordingly#and ive seen some relief but i definitely need to go back to therapy once i get my insurance again#its the only way to get a hold on it and my last therapist ended up moving states so we didnt get to work on tools for it very much#im yapping at this point i just needed to vent for a second about how truly yucky ocd makes me feel
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the one blessed thing about november fifth getting closer is that at the very least all the people talking about how voting is useless and its morally fine not to do it are quieter
#croweseph caws#truly i dont want to start a conversation abt harris and the genocide thats not what this is about to be clear#i disagree with the choice to not vote for president but sure that is a decision you are allowed to make and i dont wanna debate it w you#but. there was a weird trend for a bit of people talking about voting like its only for president#and how it doesnt do anything and will never work and theres no point#which like. bad take and im glad their quiet#reminder to vote in your local elections they will have a tangible and real impact on your life#you want people in charge of your state who do not want minority statuses criminalized
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It's the STUPIDEST reason in the world too like ???? Can we stop. Can we PLEASE stop.
like the amount of energy I put towards fucking. Mourning relationships is so bad. It's so fucking bad!! It's taking a physical toll on me to the point where I'll puke if I think about it too long and that's so bad!! And yet I do not think I'm capable of not submerging myself in what-ifs and impossible scenarios. bitches are so desperate for attention that they'll cling to the most bare bones interactions and hope to pray to God that miraculously things will be okay again and I'm bitches!! what is my DEAL! I hate me fr!!
#its the fucking... 'i dont want better i want what i had“ mentality that ive p much been wrestling w since i lost my best friend#truly. do not know how to cope with shit. all i can do is cry bc I'm too afraid to do anything damaging to my own body physical or otherwise#is this going to be the rest of my life. cycles of loss with shorter and shorter moments of reprieve in between#will my attachment to people ever not hurt me#i wish i felt nothing at all. hate feeling everything. why is heartbreak and envy my default state of being AGHHHHH#dude. im just. man. the feminine urge to stuck hot needles in my brain#summer of spirals fr goddamn i was miserable all of July and it doesnt look like itll improve soon! fuck my stupid little life!
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