#and its not like im mad about the situation itself i thought it was hilarious but its naut what that poster was trying to make it out to be | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lemonstars8583 · 2 years ago

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The Timothy idea was based on how almost nobody checks the drawers after the Seek chase and I wonder if Timothy can spawn there and how it gets ignored constantly.

I really hope that you never encounter The Eyes-Screech combo, I had and it WAS TGE WORST I NEARLY DIED TO THIS BULL. Halt-Screech would be fun as a concept but I am also scared (shaking hands)

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Seek and Rush, divorced over plates dgdhdhdhhffh. Seek immediately pulled out divorce papers the second Rush walked into the room because it knows Rush purposely put them up there for its inconvenience.

These two are extremely hilarious together. In the relationship, they are so stupid. Rush's brilliant (not) mega brain chucks out the dumbest idea and Seek is like, "hell yeah lets do it." This is how everyone learned Seek is fireproof after they fell into the fireplace. Constantly would set up pranks for the player by setting up traps for adding fake keys.

Now that they're divorced, they (Seek) is so fucking petty against each other. They're pretty civil but Rush can't help it but bother their ex-spouse and Seek would purposely trip Rush over even if the player gets to live.

Constant soap opera worthy fights over the dumbest things, played up for dramatics since Seek can't resist pulling out the acting and Rush eggs him on with more taunts.

It looks like they're fighting, they are fighting, but in the end it's just a fun show and there's no hard feelings after. Except the collateral damage of things when they were busy fistfighting each other.

The Glitch as a non-canon entity is cool as a character concept. As you said, the game broke so that part of the code manifest to get anyone out as it resolves the problem.

Canonizing it would be dope but it's meant to exist outside of the game.

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Anyway I should talk about Figure and Halt because they look cool as hell. Their designs are amazing, the roblox models are great with the limitations of designs.

Halt's blue being the same as Light's making Light' advice hard to understand since players would think that it's Halt talking to them when it's Light trying to get their asses out. For a moment too long, I thought Halt was a big cat-ghost thing since I only saw their north star looking eyes an went "yep thats a cat."

And when i actually dodged Halt's teleportation and saw how they actually looks, its just a moving disco head.

The way the light moves is reminiscent of a big ol' lighthouse at night and with the human looking head, hmmm...

Im not doing figure this ask as I am brain empty.

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My my, Screech was so annoying that your brain automatically nerfed them and you proceed to bring them around like a wet kitten being carried by the neck lol

-door not-anon

YES YES first of all RIP IM SO SORRY YOU HAD TO ENCOUNTER THAT AHAHA but like yesss i see seek as like. fairly level-headed, professional, chill, UNTIL something GREATLY frustrates it and it just blows a fuse, hence the very loud banging after you complete the chases. it is MAD. rush is like. constantly energetic and usually positive but also has a hell of a temper so its like. they both understand each others situation and relate to one another but. when they get mad at each other? good lord. hide the furniture or its gonna go flying HAHA, there's no real hard feelings harbored afterward but they just both need to Get The Rage Out. sometimes it even devolves into them just having fun and throwing things. seek doesn't like to show that side of itself to many (Hide is also an exception because its very grumpy too so they have Sibling Grumpy Time™ but rush's dumbass energy is like a planet's freakin orbit it just sucks everyone in.

also YES figure and halt are so cool i love them.. i like to imagine figure and eyes are friends because. well. figure's the only one who really cant look at eyes so there's hardly any uncomfortable incidents.

ON THE TOPIC OF FRIEND GROUPS!!

hide, halt, and eyes have their own little antisocial friend group. halt doesn't like having to stare at the wall the entire time they meet up to not upset eyes but it understands. they all want people to stay away from them and not violate their boundaries, Hide not liking people in the wardrobes too long, Halt wanting privacy in its separate domain, and Eyes hating to be looked at. They all get along well.

Rush, Ambush, and Seek all make up the Chasers Club (despite the fact i headcanon rush isnt actually going after the players at all, it just wants to run but if they don't hide in time it's just like "welp if theyre in the way what am i gonna do about it" but shhh) where they all hang out and talk about successes and failures in chasing down players. They tried to invite Halt but it declined. which resulted in Rush breaking into its home and forcibly bringing it. which wasn't fun for anyone (though maybe a little funny)

uhhh random jack fact uhhh he likes to practice magic tricks but is bad at it

ummmmmm that's all i have to say i love this little headcanon exchange tho its so fun sorry for the late reply this time my brain deflated

#lemon yells #doors roblox

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wickedpact · 4 years ago

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I saw someone comment that if nicky and joe actually had a speed-run version of a romance it wouldn't be much better than rey/kylo (ie: nicky's redemption should be a *process* and not a single act; it'd take more than just "i'm switching sides and fighting with you" for joe to truly forgive him... which is ENTIRELY reasonable/understandable) - do you think the comparison is fair? (I mean, Nicky wasn't a space nazi but he WAS an indoctrinated religious radical)

well..... no, for a variety of reasons (allow me to say beforehand that i dont really... hate r*ylo or r*ylo in general but im.. hm, not a fan of the ship or the sequel trilogy)

edit: i am actually going to put this under a cut bc its longer than i thought it was when i wrote it

first of all i think theres something to be said abt the fact that ben (im just gonna call him ben so this post doesnt come up in search) is a space nazi. hes part of a fictional group of people who oppress a different fictional group of people, despite having some inspiration taken from rl. nicky was part of an invasion force that existed in real history, a part of a war that has had far-reaching effects in the real world to this day. as much as nicolo himself is fictional, neither the crusades nor the ideologies that had a part in fueling them are. so it feels a bit crass to compare the two.

(also like.. man, the sith blew up two (three?) planets. thats like several billion people each, how are you supposed to compare almost cartoonish villainy like that to real life?)

secondly ben had like... presumably more power over the situation than nicky did, idk what the situation is for ben’s backstory in canon terms rn, (its been more or less retconned a couple times i believe), but ben was the child of two powerful and privileged people and likely received all the education in the world on why Murder And Fascism Bad.

he was like? supposedly groomed by snoke, but what does that even mean? anakin went to the dark side bc he valued the life of his wife more than the lives of all the jedi. simple as that. he was manipulated but he still willingly assisted in a genocide to achieve his own personal goals, how can you just step back and say ‘ben was manipulated into it its not his fault’ when he no doubt knew better that Blowing Up Planets Bad. but then even on top of that.. .we dont really know nicky’s exact situation prior to the crusades which brings me to the next point,

what we know abt nicky’s mindset in the crusades era:

greg said once that ‘it was a time of religious hatred’ which is. vague.

one of the promo vids said nicky was ‘ a young knight who had left the priesthood behind to follow the crusade ‘ which is.. vague

nicky himself said ‘he was taught to hate’ joe’s ‘people’ which is... vague

the comics shows a dialogue-less couple of panels of joe and nicky killing each other which is..................... vague

we really dont know that much about nicky’s situation other than he was ‘taught to hate’, which is how all hatred works, hatred isnt a biologically ingrained behavior, its always taught. ‘taught to hate’ can mean everything from someone slapping him on the back one day and going ‘hey those muslims suck’ to full ass brainwashing, who tf knows. we can only guess based off historical information, and tog has proven itself to not be historically accurate several times over now. so you really cant compare nicky’s mindset to ben’s bc we dont know what nicky’s mindset was.

but even then theres a difference between ‘i was taught incorrect information and i formerly believed i was doing a good thing and i now am beginning to realize that i am not’ and ‘ive been knowingly evil (literally red lightsaber and all) for literal years but ive just decided to change my mind bc i had a vision of my father (whomst i murdered) asking me to be good again’

(i mean come on, ben was actively resisting his good impulses. ‘forgive me i feel the pull to the light again’. )

lastly i also dont think thats fair to tog bc i wouldnt count r*ylo as a ‘speedrun’. it was set up in tlj, the problem with r*ylo is that it was bounced between two directors who not only had different visions for the franchise, but conflicting visions for the franchise and? seemingly they didnt collaborate at all. so if it feels like ben and rey were ping pong-ing back and forth between being enemies and borderline-lovers, its bc they were created by two men with completely different ideas of what the relationship looked like + they were at the mercy of a company which has pretty singlemindedly dedicated itself to lowest-common-denominator media that offends Nobody and thus tried to pass them off as pseudo-canon so neither the shippers nor the antis would get Mad. tog doesnt have these problems.

i think the idea of joe and nicky blinking once at each other and just immediately falling in love is, while fun and hilarious, a bit silly realistically bc thats generally not how feelings Work (I Dont Believe In Love At First Sight). going on a 24hr murder-bender and immediately going ‘oh wait im actually in love with this person who just brutally murdered me’ isnt comparable to two people who have a couple hours’ worth of content focused around essentially being inside of eachother’s brains and learning why the other Is The Way They Are. r*ylo didnt come out of nowhere, it was lead up to (just really poorly)

realistically, i think joe and nicky would like. at least have to get to know each other a little before they could convincingly fall in love imo, but theres rlly nothing comparable there with ben and rey to me

#Anonymous #so dont get me STarted on the subject that when nicky goes thru his redemption arc or whatever you like to call it #the endgoal Should Not Be joe's forgiveness and as a matter of fact joe has no right *to* 'forgive' nicky for what hes done #forgiveness shouldnt be the endgoal at all its literally unachievable #something something the catholic ideas of atonement and penance are unhealthy and unrealistic af when it comes to most kinds of wrongdoing #but honestly either way i think joe would forgive nicky pretty quickly considering his reaction to booker

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frenchphobic · 2 years ago

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you know what? fuck it. i will be a dick. no is fucking disqualified all because some prick who hasnt been in my spot, me whos been sitting here for hours checking my notes over and over just to see who i need to block because theyre clowning, they told me 'its just a silly tumblr poll and its hilarious that youre getting mad about an answer that you included'

this tournament has been a big thing on my mind for OVER TEN MINUTES STRAIGHT, ive gone through MANY emotions because of it lately and ive been trying to be nice and fun but honestly? people can be really fucking annoying on this website, actually!

that answer was included because i was being lenient and nice and thought it was fun even though i didnt think those characters actually interacted once considering i had to genuinely edit two very different quality images together just for their ship image. yknow what criteria i had for letting answers in? 1. an answer 2. a response! and 3. a reply! anyone else was fine! sure, a lot of them maybe didnt fit the definition of why i made this tournament but i thought i had a pretty clear idea from the start what answers would make it to the finale anyway, and all of them did fit the definition!

i didnt think people could misinterpret things as bizarrely as they did. i didnt think people could be so. annoying. i didnt think id get more than a couple thousand notes tops, not OVER ONE NOTES AND COUNTING. im NOT used to this stuff, considering that ive said many a time that my main blog has like 5 or so followers, and my main blogs notes are like, 5 a day tops!

and no offense to this person they seem lovely, i didnt think id be fucked over by, of all things, someone whos worked on a disney show, and not only that but one that ive enjoyed before! again they seem lovely and i hold nothing against them for just having fun, but man, this is a weird situation man!

i deleted the poll. it doesnt delete the reblogs and i doubt it does anything to the poll itself, but hopefully it gives me no more notifications about it.

i will be hosting a different finale. if i hear any bs about this, youre getting blocked. im sick of this. i was naive and hopeful and lighthearted when this started and at this point i just want this to end.

please just grant me the luxury of just letting it end in a chill way

#long post #this is the gayest noncanon bitches tournament respnse after the poll delete btw #sorry i saw rhe chance and took it

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astro-break · 4 years ago

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Thoughts on the 7th ep of Hypmic Rhyme Anima. Spoilers beware

Ep.1 | Ep.2 | Ep.3 | Ep.4 & 5 | Ep. 6

Can we get an MTC ep for Samatoki’s birthday please?

nope its MTR

ah man i always get really down whenever i see Doppo’s workplace environment. it suckssss

EYYYYY BUSTER BROS SONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (i forgot the name of the song in the moment but is Ikebukuro West Gate Park which is funny since thats where the ikebukuro prelims are held)

OOO IRIS ON A MOTERBIKE!!!!!!!!!!!! thats so hot oh my god, the CGI was good too! she had no right making to popping a wheelie over speedbumps look cool

Tom mentioned last episode that he had picked these three up from bad places and I have a feeling that Iris was once either an adrenaline junkie, thrill seeker, or involved in something that had her on the run

I don’t know about Rex. I think society just took one look at him and pushed him away because his personality is weird. He’s honest and kind, almost too kind. It don’t help that he doesn’t look traditionally Japanese which will garner him a lot of unpleasant experiences

MTCCCCCCCCCCC HELL YEAH

love that theyre one of the few units shown actually going out and doing intel searching on their own

god the TDD flashbacks harken to the manga and thats so cool

There’s a lot of underline threads going on in here and its going to be hard keeping track of them. I hope that the anime doesn’t choke itself on all the threads

T.REX is hilarious i think i might actually grow to like him. he’s a dumb himbo

ah even more threads and previous connections. i really really really hope that everything is ties up nicely by the end of the season though that doesn’t seem plausible, not with only 5 episodes remaining

OH GOD WHY WAS YOTOSUJUJI BROUGHT UP NOW IM TEARING UP

ah of course robberies are going to happen on the day of the rap battle

That ruikawa guy is suspicious. it might be my INFP speaking but his kindness seems a bit weird

ah yeah red flags right there. he’s definitely one of the robbers or in cahoots with them

ah yeah hes a robber. theres no doubt about that. “ive found a place to release what builds up inside me”. thats crime isn’t it. the fact that he won’t talk about it just raises more red flags

ahahaha see i was right

hey at least it was doppo’s hardass boss. could be someone more innocent and less asshole-y

YOU JUST GAVE YOUR INDEITY AWAY ASSHOLE wow even doppo caught on

EYYYY SHINJIKU STYLE!!!!! HELL YEAH

Those stills are absolutely mesmerizing though.

i love the sense of trust and mentorship between matenro with Jakurai as Hifumi and Doppo’s mentors. At least that’s the feeling I get with them ahaha

Doppo’s english is a bit harsh but also weirdly fits his style. im a bit mixed on it but with the whole song being more melancholic with english sprinkled in, it matches the theme

The song itself is such a mellow and soothing song though. Its different than Maternro’s usual work and its a good different. I love the subway and old timey imagery that came with the song and the image of a subway train lighting up the way to a new path is such a great way of showing that there are different paths and different destinations that one can take. Even if you take the same train, you can end up in a different place. The light imagery in particular is just so good since Ruikawa’s original line of the city being a beacon of light for him is mirrored in the song.

The lyrics especially are so soft and powerful with the imagery within the words being simultaneously rough and tumble but also soft and reassuring. It seems more like a lament or a elegy to a life that could have been if they had gotten on a different train. I love the lyrics, especially the chorus since it speaks of mundane things but things that everyone can understand and relate to

it also carries mad Spirited Away vibes. It’s also called Falling which I think is pretty fitting

the only thing that I don’t like about the song Jakurai’s vocal beats within his verse. Usually it works since there’s a big beatboxing feel to those beats but with Jakurai his lyrical rap doesn’t mesh well with the harsh guttural sounds beatboxing

The pain of having one of your few friends betray you hurts and wow this episode is out to make me feel a lot of sympathy for Doppo

SMILING DOPPO!!!

Hell yeah they actually had a plan and followed through with it

Did they just set up the MTC episode lmao. thats sneaky

OOh that beat change for FP ending is so nice!!

I think I’m only noticing this just now but the episode titles are all famous quotes from people/proverbs.

Ep. 1) “As Soon as Man is Born, He Begins to Die“ This is an old proverb. Who said it I don’t know and a quick internet search gave me nothing, but its commonly said to convey the meaning that nothing lasts forever. IDK why this proverb was chosen since there’s no indication of any of the teams disbanding any time soon except for TDD era teams which have already happened

Ep. 2) “Speak of the Devil and He Will Appear“ Again, another old idiom which dates back to the 16th century. This one is probably about Ichiro and how he appears whenever he is called or whenever he is needed. Though it could be a overall commentary on how the brothers are reliable no matter the situation

Ep. 3) “Two Heads Are Better Than One” - John Heywood This quote describes DoHifu pretty well. Its because these two work and rely on each other that they’re able to not only make it through each day but also make each day worth living. Because they help each other, but they’re not the same, they’re better for it. This could also apply to MTR as a whole being a team where each member thinks outside the box and their ideas collectively make such an interesting team

Ep. 4) “A Friend in Need is a Friend Indeed” This one is an 11th century proverb which explains that in times of need, true friends will show their colors. That's the main mentality behind MTC though I believe that it applies to Rio in particular for this episode. While the entirety of MTC are willing to help each other in times of need, in this episode it mainly focused on Samatoki and Rio’s plights and how the members as a whole show that they are all true friends to each other

Ep. 5) “Seeing is Believing” The origins of this quote is blurry but there the bible seems to be the origin of this statement believe it or not. While it does fit the episode’s theme of ghosts and how rumor's can harm people and businesses, it doesn’t really describe FP like the other quotes do the other teams. I find it odd, but I hope that FP are redeemed in their next feature episode. FP deserves better and are being done dirty in the anime.

Ep. 6) “He Who Laughs Last, Laughs Best” - The Christmas Prince. I think this one is pretty nice in describing not only the episode but the series as a whole. It doesn’t matter who’s winning in the begging, or the middle. The final outcome is what really matters. It’s pretty apt for the series since even though The Party of Words are winning currently, its who wins by the end of the series that matters. The episode encompasses this pretty well too with the whole plotline.

Ep. 7) “The Darkest Hour is Just Before the Dawn” Dating back to 1950 ish, this one carries the simple There is hope in the worst circumstances message. Again, its pretty suitable for the series as a whole since the Party of Words might be making life harsh, but there’s still hope to be found in the world.

Ep. 8) “Dead men tell no tales” - Thomas Becon. NGL, this one scares me because it can either apply to MTC, or the universe as a whole. We’ll just have to wait till next week to know for sure but i think we’ll get some Jyuto angst with his parents

#hypmic #hypnosis mic #hypnosis mic rhyme anima #hypmic spoilers

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fipindustries · 4 years ago

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list of comics i made so far

i already shared the list of all the novels i tried to write throughout my llife so i see no reason why not to do the same with the comics i tried to work on. no i should clarify, with my lists of novels there was a clear cut distinction between what was a novel and a short story so to parse one from the other was an easy task. it should be known that i wrote hundreds of shorts stories that i havent shared with anyone. now a similar situation occurs with my comics, i have done hundreds upon hundreds of little comics, short jokes, little skits and short lived strips through my life, so in order to give this list some weight and not make it longer than the bible the criteria i used was that it had to be something i did on a regular basis or that tells a self contained story with a beggining middle and end.

now without further ado, lets begin!

spike Vanderville (age 7)

you can tell i was way more into comics than i was into novels from a young age. done with pen and folded paper, it was the story about a young kid called spike, whose design was heavily inspired by bradley from sticking around, who had magical powers which allowed him to manipulate reality. it was a mix of harry potter and a series of illustrates short stories that came in a magazine in argentina. his best friend was a scarecrow with a pumpkin head that he had brought to life, his archnemesis was a fat bully.

curiously enough i was so passionate about this project even though i had no idea what i was doing and no talent that i actually did like three full colored issues of it. my family was really proud of me. sadly those comics are completly lost to time

andrew and the monkey (age 10)

this was the classical story about a boy and his best friend the talking animal. one page comedy strips done in pen and paper. nothing too clever, just a way for me to try lame jokes mostly stolen from spongebob squarepants. not much else to it. i tried to do like a revamp in 2014 but it was short lived, as you can see the jokes didnt get any less lame

FIP industries (age 17)

mostly done in digital. yes as you can see fip is something that has followed me my whole life in quite the variety of mediums. there were as a matter of fact multiple attempts to make this comic a real thing but time and again they would peter off as i saw that my skill was just not up to the task. i think i have talked more than enough about fip industries on this blog, one interesting thing is that if you follow the link you will come across a lot of proto ideas that i had before they cemented and took their definite shape in the novel (and even after the novel i kept retconning and retooling things over and over again, fip industries is an ongoing thing that will probably last my entire lifetime)

Disregarding Reality I (age 20)

the first iteration of disregarding reality, a humorous strip done in pencil and paper, a fairly short lived affair, lasting no more than 3 months. the entire premise of the comic was an MRA activist and a feminist live together, they are friends, they argue a lot. remember 2013 guys? back when this whole politics bullshit truly kicked off online? this was before gamer gate, mind you. but by that point i had seen more than enough of it on tumblr and i was like “someone should do some scathing commentary with wit and penache” and that someone had to be me. mainly inspired by commics like f@nboys and el goonish hive and a thousand billion others that were so popular back in those halcyon days.

i got bored of it pretty quickly and it wouldnt be until three years later than i would finally decide to re-start the project but until then...

Strangers in the forest (age 21)

here comes a rather productive era in my ouvre, ink and paper, based on a short story i wrote, its about an eldritch monster pretending to be human and a ghost girl, killed by her father. they have a dispute because the monster wants to eat the corpse of the girl but the ghost doesnt want to give up her bones because its the one thing that tethers her to the mortal plane. they eventually resolve their dispute. by this point i was actually, unironically trying my best to do comics which i felt looked professional.

Song of a nightmare (age 21)

another one based on a short story i wrote. ink and paper, a private detective wakes up in the middle of the night and sees a mermaid lying in bed next to him. he spends most of the comic trying to figure out how the hell is this possible. still one of my favourite ones and certainly one of my family’s and friends favourites as well. a rather poetic tale, strongly inspired by argentinian fiction and their propensity towards magical realism, i was reading a lot of cortazar back then.

Aika (age 21)

as you can tell i was on a fucking roll that year. ink and paper, this was a story based upon a simple and basic idea that i had in my mind for years and years. i always liked the concept behind the movie “the kid” where bruce willis mysteriously comes across himself as a kid. so of course one day i came up with the idea, what if you recieved a visit from your future self... but she was a woman?

this is probably the most aggresively trans story i ever wrote in my life, it is literally about a guy realizing they are trans and breaking down over it. here is the giant kicker, i did not realize at all what i was doing. i was completly unaware of what was going on here, i was still deep deep in the closet and not even realizing i was there. it really is astounding the honesty and the rawness with which i wrote this comic and it went all over my head. a perfect example of “im such a great ally lol”

oh also there is time travel i guess. my main impetus (beyond whatever my subconcious was forcing me to do) was my desire to make a complete clusterfuck of a story, i was a huge fan of homestuck, i had read fleek and demon, i wanted to do my own take on a hypercomplicated time travel puzzle plot. other things came out on top of it but i didnt noticed them. fucking hilarious

Hello Agatha (age 21)

a comedic strip about a wacky pixie dream girl having wacky adventures with her wacky friends, one of which is a man with a toilet for a head. what a gut buster, what a knee slapper!

there is not much to say about this one, wacky surreal comedy was always my favourite and so time and again i would try my hand at it but it is surprisingly hard to do!

The /co/ ventures! (age 20 - age25)

an ongoing project done in multiple mediums. i think i said more than enough about this in here and here. it was me practiscing comics, practiscing my humor and adding my tiny grain of sand to the 4chan culture. i am proud to say these comics were actually very well liked there and that i would be recognized without a name or signature of any kind, just on the strength of my style.

the vest kind of madness (age 22)

probably one of the projects in which i put the biggest amount of effort to make it look professional. traditional inks and digital colors. a crossover that i cant believe never happened in comics considering how obvious it is. Rac Shade, the changing man and delirium of the endless, the two flagship vertigo characters associated with madness. clearly a match made in heaven.

to this day im flabbergasted i seem to be the only one to think of this.

Disregarding Reality II (age 23)

another work where i have already spilled rivers of bytes explaining my thought process behind it. after having a no good, terrible, very bad day, finding my self aimless and without purpose, deep in denial and depression, i decided to give my self a big project to have something to get me out of bed every day. these three guys came from the depths of my mind to save me.

this time leaning a lot more on silly humor and surrealism than political commentary, still insanely proud of how much i managed to make this last, almost three years, well over 200 pages! and in here i found the inspiration and the creative energy to tackle all sorts of diverse projects of which we are about to see all about.

Mama Bird (age 24)

my masterpiece.

by far the best comic i ever did. a kid with a bird for a mom. hilarious, touching, heartbreaking. it was a concept that i had come up with when i was 21. back then it was supposed to be exclusively a humorous comic strip but then i found a dramatic angle for the story and that was when everything clicked into place. that was when i realized this was a comic i had to do. and i did it. it took me five months but it was well worth it. still insanely proud of this one

Soft boys (age 25)

a weird experimental little story where i decided to sit down and deconstruct one of the most popular superpowers. super elasticity. more akin to me just mashing my toys against each other than me trying to tell a serious story. i am actually really happy with some of the art here and some of the sequences presented. particularly the final one where a brick joke twenty pages in the making finally pays off.

Hexen Snatch (age 25)

a semi spinoff to my novel FIP industries, we focus on a side character that managed to survive after the events of the novel and how they’ll manage to survive further beyond that. insanely soaked by the magical world of pact by widbow i wanted desperatly to share my own take on magic, every page is accompanied by a little text where i expand upon the lore and the way magic is supposed to work on this world. i really like the prose on those snippets and the ideas they work almost more that the comic itself with which i was not happy at all when i was working on it. i didnt like the character design, i didnt like how the art in general was coming out, i didnt like the pacing of the story or how superficially we were getting to expore this world in the comic proper. i had to take a very long hiatus just to accumulate the will to finish the comic and once i did i feel it really petered off without much of a satisfying payoff.

on some level i blame the exhaustion and frustration that i came out of this comic with for the fact that i ended up quitting disregarding reality soon afterwards.

Maxplosive (age 26)

another project that has followed me across multiple mediums. came up with an idea for a videogame back in 2015. saved it on the back pocket for a while, used it as a story within a story on my novel fan.tastic, practisced a couple of animations with the characters and eventually decided that, if my skills at videogame making were not enough, i had at least more than poven myself as a comic artist so maybe that was the definitive medium in which this idea would have to exist.

the original idea was to tell the story in two parts, the first half would introduce the character and the videogame as if the comic was a playthrough of the game. all fun and childlike and innocent. then the second half was meant to explore the life of the main character as an adult, how being “a videogame protagonist” had ruined her body, her mental health and her life. i tried all sorts of weird stuff with the format here, using reciclable assets, static camera angles and generally presenting the whole thing as if it was a videogame.

sadly the project got too big for my breaches, i was fucking exhausted back then, swamped with a bunch of other projects, my job, other responsabilities, unsatisfied with the story and with no idea where to take it. eventually i got tired, decided to skip a day, then the day became a week and then the week became a month and by then i had to face the facts, i was just no longer able to continue the comic. and so i quit not only maxplosive but disregarding reality all together.

i still did the occasional comic here and then but it wouldnt be until the very end of 20-fucking-20 that i was finally inspired to tackle a new project, my newest one, my last one....

Lapsarian (age 27)

an interesting experiment, i decided to do the whole comic in one sit and then post it chapter by chapter on a weekly basis. a surprising result of this was that i managed to do in one month the same amoung of pages that would have taken me 5 months back when i started disregarding reality, is good to see that after al this time i still got it.

took me a while to get the hang of it again and find my own style once more but once i armed up it was smooth sailing for 40 pages all the way to the end. but what is this comic even about?

its... weird, with full disclosure and no shame, it is mostly a fetish story about big lizard creatures commiting vore. the milkman had already shown me that i could do those types of stories and no lighting would come from the heavens to strike me down so i said, why not as a comic? i like to think that beyond the fetish content it is still a decent story in its own right, an interesting feedback that i got from this is that people are suprised how earnest it is, one saying something like “this is the best pitch for a fetish that i was never interested in”

Conclussion:

looking back on this im surprised, turns out i was a lot more prolific and working a lot more regularly than i expected, in here are documented ten years of creative output that never seems to wane. it was fun to do the roundabout trip and see how my style, my technice and generally my work ethic evolved through the years. another nice thing to see is the multiple formats, the multiple tools and mediums i experimented with, i find myself constantly trying new things, new methods, new angles, new interesting ideas for how to make a comic (without even getting into what to make a comic about).

something i always knew about myself was that drawing is a fundamental part of who i am, it is something that just cant be taken away from me and that will always be a part of my life one way or the other, is good to see it so plainly, in black and white, on this list. here goes for what i might be able to do in the future

#art #writing #fip living life

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fearfilledvirgil · 6 years ago

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Ivity and Anx: part thirteen

Summary: Patton has an internal struggle. Since he is bent on not remidying it himself, Roman gives him a way to solve the problem.

Warnings: abandonment issues, crying, self-depreciating thoughts, lowkey guilt tripping, pondering on thoughts, song writing

Word Count: 2708

Paring: Slowburn Prinxiety

A/N: I love how vauge I can make my summarys, okay? But. This is it. This is where things get interesting. Sort of. Sorry for the long wait again! I now have chapters written and planned out, so there won’t be a long wait again. Enjoy! (Taglist under the cut)

masterlist

Taglist: @rileyfirstname @verymuchanidiot @definentlynotjustanotherlemon @silversmith-91 @kanejandkruge @sander-fander-sides @lovecrazyjennybear @the-incedible-sulk @hexdream18243 @crows-with-hats @monikastec @definenormalifyoucan @i-am-absolute-fandom-trash @applecannibal @cats-with-blogs @bubblycricket @gay-girls-do-it-better @bunnyartie @quietlypondering @elusivefalsehoods @hghrules @royallyanxious @quietwords-loudthoughts @squishynonbinarytwink @sortablue @illogical-anxieties @savingshae @a-fander-named-skittles @thelowlysatsuma @ughthatsprettygay @im-so-infinitesimal @certifiedtrashxx @karmels-stuff @littlelogicstillcounts

The most practical next step of action was simple. Patton understood that. It was very easy to understand, but for the most idiotic reason, he couldn't. It wasn’t logical at all, but then again, logic was never his department. It was always Logan’s, and Logan was the problem. Not him himself, but he was heavily involved. The real culprit was time and education, although it was bad to blame anyone for the current situation. Patton liked to place blame, whether it be on himself or something else, because then who was right and who was wrong could be clear. In this situation, though, no one was at fault, so maybe that was the very problem.

Another sinking feeling in Patton’s chest made him open his mouth ajar, almost gasping for a breath. The sensation twisted itself into his gut, prompting Patton to screw his eyes shut, clench his jaw, and shake his hand. No, the problem wasn’t that simple. It wasn’t cut and dry. It was Patton, sitting criss cross on the floor of his bedroom in the dark with his phone in his hands, lit up, with his thumb hovering over Logan’s contact.

Patton felt a prick of pressure begin to build behind his eyes, the pressure traveling into his sinuses and making his nostrils flare. He didn’t want to cry, but here he was with his phone screen blurring. It was silly, really. Logan had only been gone for a few months or so, but the contact that the younger had with him tapered off into something nonexistent. The sinking feeling reared its ugly head once again, this time traveling farther into his throat instead of his stomach.

He really needed to get a grip on himself, considering that as he had this thought, his sleeved hand moved to his mouth to cover a sob. Patton was not good with change, nor was he good with people leaving him. The therapists called this “abandonment issues,” but Patton’s negative thoughts just told him he was insufferably clingy. That’s why he had let his and Logan’s texting routine die. He didn’t want to be a bother. Like Patton had thought before the waterworks started, this all could be stopped by sending a simple text. It was currently early morning where Logan was living in his dream collage, so it wouldn’t be a problem. Logan was such an early bird, always sending “Good morning, Patton. Was your sleeping satisfactory?” texts at 8:30 a.m. on the dot. The thought of those texts and the conversations sprung from them made a smile come to Patton’s face.

They would talk about how they slept after that: how many hours, if it was deep sleep or not, and if either had any dreams. Logan never had dreams, but he loved to hear about what crazy dreams Patton had during the night. The younger always loved those conversations, mostly because he loved to baffle the older. Patton thrived off of the confusion, having laugh attacks frequently. When he tried, Logan was absolutely hilarious. That wasn’t even mentioning how endering his fun facts were, nor was that statement saying how adorable Logan got when he was passionate about something. Patton let himself give a bittersweet smile between the heavy breathing that came with crying.

Patton didn’t know why he was reacting in such an extreme way. It wasn’t like he was dead, or like he didn’t have the power to text him at any moment. The problem, though, that was still very present was the fact that it was extremely hard for Patton to reach out first. He felt too clingy when he did that. It was the actual, real problem here. Not Logan, not time and education, not no one being at fault, and not even Patton fully. No, the problem was not talking to Logan anymore, and it was ripping a hole in Patton’s chest. It hurt the younger more than he could imagine because in the end, he knew Logan would leave eventually along with everyone else. Except Roman, apparently.

An incoming text shook Patton out of his mind spiraling down into the deepest, needist part of his mind. He blinked a few times, trying to get the remaining tears to get out of his eyes. At the same time, he furiously wiped the tears away with his sleeve. He sniffed, pulling down the notification window on his Android phone. He and Logan always had that in common, while their friends had iPhones.

Prince Roman: Padre? You good? You didn’t respond and I know how you worry

Pappy Padre Patton: I’m diddly darn dandy!!!!!

Prince Roman: You know I know that 5 exclamation points means a cry for help What is wrong, mi hermano más cercano?

Pappy Padre Patton: Logan and I haven’t talked in a few days

Patton was already feeling a bit lighter, now that he was starting to talk about his issue. Roman knew full well his “abandonment issues” that sprouted from being in the foster system, so he was probably going to pick up on his current conundrum fairly quickly. A small smile presented itself again on Patton’s lips when he did a quick translation of what Roman said in his head. My closest brother. His friend was such a sap, but the younger absolutely loved it.

Prince Roman: Text him!! If you don’t, I’ll give you a reason to text him

At that comment, Patton got very confused very quickly. What was Roman going to do, kick him out of his life? Do something so stupid that even Patton needed help on how to tell him he was wrong? There was so many possibilities and ways that the sentence Roman just sent could go, so Patton decided in about 0.001 seconds that it would be best to ask.

Pappy Padre Patton: What do you mean??

Prince Roman: I’ll write an angsty song and post it Without asking the label

Pappy Padre Patton: Roman!! That could get you into serious trouble! Think about the contract! You already follow it to a T. They are already waiting for a chance to reprimand you so no! Do not!

Prince Roman: I won’t if you talk to Logan

Roman was a dirty, dirty negotiator. He never tried to compromise with people he didn't know, just for the reason that he didn’t have leverage on them yet. He would find what his friend is most worried for him about, then use it to his advantage to get something he wanted. Luckily, the usually chivalrous boy did not use these powers for evil, but only used them to motivate people into doing something that they should be doing. Most of the time, that is.

Pappy Padre Patton: Fiiiiiiiiine You are a dirty negotiator

Prince Roman: You know you love me

Pappy Padre Patton: Te amo hermano always!

Patton smiled softly to himself, silently hoping that he didn’t mess up the translation of saying ‘i love you, brother.’

Prince Roman: That makes me happy Now make me happier by texting your Logan?

Pappy Padre Patton: Ok ok I def will!

And then he didn’t. Roman knew for a fact that his friend didn’t talk to Logan after their conversation, because there was a very specific series of events that happened after the two talk. It would start with Patton sended Roman many exclamation marks, then would turn into an explanation of the punctuation. Usually it would be something cute that Logan said, but sometimes it would be because Patton said something odd himself. Then the younger would go into the conversation in more detail, highlighting the cutest moments and becoming very flustered when Roman would ask questions about his feelings. It was routine, and Patton was not one to stray from routine since he started talking to Logan.

That was why as the sun started to get low in the sky, Roman got his guitar from it’s holder and his writing notebook from his desk. He splayed them out on the floor, sat down, thanked whatever was out there that his moms weren’t home, and began to brainstorm for a song. Brainstorm meant a very specific thing for Roman, as he was finding out. He was sit criss cross on the floor, his elbows on his knees and head in his hands. He would string his hands through his hair, rarely pulling on it when he got upset enough with this odd part of his creative process. He would collect his thoughts, focus on what he was feeling, and then go and do one of two things. The first would be to go through his notebook and see if there was any one liners or small sections of lyrics that he could expand on. If none of these felt correct to do in the moment, then he would ponder some more and write something completely from scratch. Latter options rarely happened.

Roman was feeling frustrated, to say the least. He wanted to talk to someone about anything, but he knew that Patton was off the grid for the moment. Anytime that boy faced a problem with texting someone, he turned off his phone and hid it under his many pillows. Patton was the soul person that he could talk to about these kinds of emotions anymore, considering that Anxiety had completely shut him out. Anxiety was honestly the main reasons for most of these emotions. Roman was sad that he was gone, mad at himself for all that he said to Virgil, and just generally frustrated with the whole situation. It would have been so much easier if he never signed up for the Sarrahs Project, but then he would have missed out on the amazing late night conversations that he and Anxiety had. Now that those were over, there was a empty spot in his chest that was waiting to be filled by confiding in Anx again.

It wasn’t fair that Roman had been lead astray to ridicule Virgil and make him feel like he had to be someone he wasn’t. Then again, Roman felt that way a lot of the time too. That’s why Anx and Ivity worked so well together, but it’s also why it hurt so much to not have each other around anymore. Roman wished that he could tell Virgil all of this, and just unload all of the truth onto him, but he understood that the other wanted distance. It was hard to put the pride that Roman always wore as Princey aside and let Virgil see that Ivity wasn’t a lie. That none of it ever was any kind of fabrication.

Roman breathed deeply, taking his hands out of his hair and looking down at his notebook. With all his feelings and emotions inside sorted, he could now try and sort through the one liners he already had written in his book. Rough, calloused fingers reached out for the leather notebook, ready to search to his heart’s content. He unbound the elastic holding the large and old book together, beginning to search through its yellowing pages for the lyric to make the next Princey single. Most of what he passed used too many masculine pronouns, but he passed those for a reason. Some name-dropped Virgil, and Anxiety, so those were also a line to stay away from. After pages upon pages of searching, Roman finally came to a halt.

“Can you be psychic for me? Please? That would make this easier on both of us.”

As soon as he saw the lyric, a million different words and emotions flooded through his head. Roman stared at the words for several more seconds, trying to process the sudden influx of ideas. It was rare that he had this many ideas at once, and even rarer so that they were all about mostly the same thing. Roman grabbed a water bottle that was sitting nearby, chugging half of the available liquid before grabbing his pencil. Upon further inspection on the page, there was also a few gems like “If you were in my mind, some scary things you would find (yes that rhymes score)” and “If only 2x or 4x (or something x).”

After Roman got all of the lyrics squared away, he put the book down flat in front of him. It was always easier to start out with lyrics, then add a chord progression, then work out the melody. At least, it was to Roman. Some would disagree, but they weren’t the ones writing songs all by themself getting into the Top 20 Hits. Momentary peddiness aside, Roman now had his ‘67 C-O-Classic Gibson guitar resting on his leg. He took a moment to run his left hand up and down the neck, then his right over the face of the body of the guitar. It was his grandfather’s guitar, the one he learned to play on by the same man before he died. The label tried to get him to play a different guitar, a newer one with “better sound,” but he couldn’t give up the sentimental value of this one. Especially with the emotion fueled lyrics of this one, Roman needed a guitar that he knew better than the back of his hand. Roman knew and understood this guitar better than he understood himself, and playing it brought emotions he harbored to the surface for him to handle. This guitar had gotten him through a lot, and it would get him through this night as well.

Roman started out with strumming a few simple chords, changing the order of three different ones, adding a fourth, removing two, and just generally playing around with chords until he found a good sound. Eventually, after he started fiddling with a good picking pattern, he narrowed it down to three combinations. While playing the different options, he sang the “If only” bridge that he wrote into the song. He tested the waters with a few different tunes and combinations for a while. Before he could comprehend it, the sun was set and he had a solid picking pattern and chord progression. He could hear his grandfather saying that technically the chords weren’t actually chords because he wasn’t playing all of the strings. A sentimental smile tugged on Roman’s expression of concentration, but he shook it away quickly in favor of attempting to sing over the song.

Surprisingly, Roman was able to get through the song he just wrote with few complications. He stumbled a few times, and stuttered on the lyrics occasionally, but it was overall a good first try. After, he tried again, making the wobbly parts in singing more and more stable. He was proud of himself for that, as sometimes there could be parts where he couldn’t get down until the fifth or sixth try. Luckily for Roman as of right now, the song which he was mentally calling Physic was an easy one to play and sing. Roman never said that the song he would be posting was a difficult one, but then again, he didn’t realise that it would be this emotionally powered.

As Roman placed his guitar steadily on the ground again, he pondered what the lyrics actually meant. While he attempted to balance himself on numb jelly legs, he went line by line and evaluated what he meant by each. It was clear to him as he grabbed his camera equipment that this song was obviously about Virgil. It was so clear that it was painful. There wasn’t any cleverly masked words or heavy emotions only hinted at in a word or two. This song was putting himself out in the open, bare and stripped of all the fancy editing that the studio does. This song would be a plea for help, a cry for someone to come and tell him that everything will be alright. It was a question, a desperate ask for Virgil to let him explain. If the dark and lovely one didn’t let him after this, then maybe all that time with Anx actually was a waste. And Roman desperately didn’t want it to be.

The Prince set up the camera and it’s microphone quickly and experienced, ready to make the worst–or best–decision of his lifetime.

next part

#fail’s writing #patton sanders #roman sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #sanders sides #ivity and anx #patton angst #i guess?#uhhhh anything else?#logan is at collage now my dudes #its the summer #i did that time jump #i think it was pretty smooth #so yeah thats a thing

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keithxhappiness · 6 years ago

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Voltron S8 Review (SPOILERS)

SPOILERS AHEAD FOR VOLTRON SEASON 8 PEOPLE!

OK, so I just finished Voltron Season 8. I had to watch it a day late because I went to see Into the Spiderverse (which was REVOLUTIONARY btw, I highly recommend seeing and supporting it!)

One of my biggest fears about watching it late was that something would be spoiled for me by twitter/tumblr/youtube, and although I got through it without any spoilers, I did see some general negativity surrounding the finale, without really knowing why though.

But after finishing it, I took a look at some of the comments to try to decipher what it was that made people think it was so terrible! So, here are my thoughts on the finale itself, and on peoples’ thoughts about the finale:

First, I would just like to say thank you to Voltron.

I have never been one for shipping battles, and I was never concerned with all of the controversy surrounding the political statements that could be made through the show.

My main focus was the story, and my connection to the characters, particularly Keith. No, not just because I think he’s insanely attractive.

Because, he reminds me of myself…I also struggle with trusting other people, and I often think I can do everything myself or that it would be easier if I took control of the situation. I’m not patient enough to give others a chance, which is something I recognize and am working to change.

So, Keith’s development embodies my own objectives. Which is part of the reason why I love him (the other being how HOT he is).

Keith aside, everything in this season was meant to display the core idea of this story: strength through unity. It is something I hope to truly experience one day, and I think it has been demonstrated beautifully throughout the show.

It is obvious to me that a lot of effort, thought, and work has been put into animating and producing this series, something that I am angered to see not appreciated enough.

Even when you don’t enjoy certain aspects of the story, there is NO DOUBT that the creators deserve respect. Respect needs to accompany criticism of the series, or else how can you possibly expect the creators to respect your criticisms?

So, to everyone who worked on Voltron, from the seeds of its creation to its conclusion, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, and I wish you the best in all your future endeavours.

I can’t wait to see what you come up with next :)

I guess I shall split this next part of the review into things I didn’t particularly like, and things that I liked.

Starting with the things I personally didn’t enjoy (and some other commentary):

a) Allura and Lance:

Ah yes, the dreaded Allurance. Although I said that I wasn’t heavily involved in shipping in this show, I was unfortunately all too aware of the war waged within the fandom, which frankly, was more chaotic than the war in the show itself :’)

Other than Lotura, I didn’t ship anyone with anyone else, personally. And I understood the resistance to Allura and Lance becoming a couple. I didn’t feel any chemistry between the two of them, and particularly for Allura, I only felt that she saw Lance as her family, just as she saw all the others.

Like, when he confessed to loving her in Episode 1, I felt that her reaction was something akin to “UM, cool, cool. Same here." However, there is no denying that the seeds for this union were planted from the start of the show. It would be foolish to think that this wasn’t their plan all along, really.

But somehow, it just didn’t click. I can’t wrap my head around why, though! For me, I think that I prefer the idea of two characters coming together as friends, and then romantically, if they’ve been helping one another overcome some emotional trauma. You could argue that Lance was doing that for Allura, but it didn’t really happen until this specific season, and so, it didn’t quite establish the strength of their bond in time for their romance to feel like anything but just something that happened.

ALL THAT SAID, their scenes together were still very cute…and the Altean markings she left behind on his face BROKE ME. If only the strength of their union, and their mutual love for eachother, was established a little earlier - season 6, maybe - it may have felt more right.

And when she left him behind, I expected MORE from him, resistance-wise. I didn’t like that he just…let her go, after a few tears and a kiss. I wanted him to pull her back, to offer himself instead, or to see him destroyed when they were returned to their reality.

But, I’ve never experienced this type of loss before. And, maybe, deep-down, he knew that he could do nothing to stop her. I just…wanted to see more from him.

Even when she had absorbed the entity. His role was too, too passive. A few times, he’d go “Allura, um, I don’t think this is safe…maybe we should think about this…” and Allura would respond with “No, shut up I know what im doing”, and Lance would just shut up. I wanted him to pull her and shake her and force her to come to her senses!

b) Allura’s death:

I am really sad to say that I knew this was coming.

I can’t believe the leaks were real. I guess they didn’t technically spoil anything because there was also doubt surrounding their authenticity.

And even knowing that it would happen, I AM NOT OKAY WITH IT.

I am happy that they established very early in this season the lengths to which Allura would go to stop Honerva. It was always clear that she was ready to sacrifice herself. Even when she was saying her goodbyes, she seemed to already have come to terms with the fact that her path was ending.

But, that doesn’t mean I’m happy with it.

You know, it’s interesting, I always say that I hate “happy” endings. I prefer my endings to be bitter sweet - like green tea lemonade. So, for everyone to get what they want — that to me is just too good to be true, and bothers me, because real life does not have a neat little ending like that.

So, I knew the ending had to be enveloped in some amount of loss. But for Allura to lose her life, after all that she’s lost, I had hoped she would get to keep her future.

Even without her past, that she could move forward and forge a new world for her people, and get to see that world with her own eyes. IF ANYONE deserved this, it would be Allura.

And like other people, I was really mad that she never had an opportunity to say goodbye to Coran, who was essentially her father figure, or to her own father’s soul.

So, in short, I didn’t want the “death” of the show to be Allura’s….but we don’t always get what we want…

c) Honerva:

I hated her, and not just because she was the antagonist.

The hilarious thing was that Season 8 had the exact same plot as Into the Spider-verse :’) And I still don’t understand why anyONE, crazy, evil, or otherwise, thinks that it’ll be a good idea to travel between REALITIES to find another version of your lost family.

I guess IT’S TRUE that people would do anything for their family, but it seems ridiculous to me that they wouldn’t consider the possible consequences for themselves as well their own world. It’s like time-travel. You just don’t mess with that shit.

But I also hated her as the antagonist. Her objective to me was just not compelling enough…I didn’t really feel her love for Lotor or for Zarkon. I just felt that she was cray cray.

For example, consider Castlevania: a show that excellently protrays the antagonist (Dracula’s) loss. You see why Dracula loved his family, the kind of (immortal) life he could have had.

But other than a few scenes when they were in her consciousness, I just didn’t really believe in her love.

I didn’t want to see her reunited with anyone. I just wanted her to chill out and leave my babies alone.

I also didn’t like how easy it was for Allura to sway her at the end. She seemed so weak-minded and stupid, despite having all the power that she did.

WHY DID ORIANDE EVEN CONSIDER HER WORTHY?!?!?!?!

d) Some other things:

I wasn’t a huge fan of the amount of action comprising this season. I mean, not that it’s the show’s fault - this is a space opera about giant mechs, so obviously, there are going to be space and mech battles.

But I guess I prefer ground/hand-to-hand combat. It’s hard for me to follow mech fights, and I just like sword fights. This is a matter of personal preference, though.

BUT, I will say that because there were SO MANY Robeast/mech fights, there wasn’t as much time for character-character interaction.

So, that made me sad.

So many opportunities gone - opportunities for James/Acxa and Keith to interact (esp after the Ezor/Zethrid conflict), etc.

This season was really flashy, and while I like flashy, as I said before, I also value the emotional connections between the characters a lot and wish that a greater emphasis could have been placed on them.

Things I liked:

Keith being a fearless leader

Krolia NOT dying - thank goodness for that, that was really worrying me

When Keith made his speech in EP1, and Krolia and Kolivan were smiling proudly :))

Matt (sad to see his ponytail go, but he still cayuuuute)

Lotor, all of the little Lotor scenes (AH, I JUST WANT TO ADOPT HIM AND RAISE HIM WITH LOVE) - saddened not to have seen him returned :((

The pictures at the end - happy to see everyone happy and thriving!

AND EVERYTHING ELSE NOT MENTIONED!

All in all, I think it is absolutely absurd (in the Snape voice) not to watch the season just because you heard some negative things. Don’t be as easily swayed as the Alteans were. Watch it yourself, think for yourself, and form your own opinion. Regardless of what you didn’t like, you can’t deny that this show has been a wild, beautiful ride. PEACE.

#vld s8 spoilers #vld s8 #vlds8 #vld keith

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tend-to-me · 6 years ago

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It's One of Those Nights

I still cant remember who made the first move

Just one of those nights where i think of all my drunken moments

Regretful? Possibly, but it set in motion whatever it needed to

Its a constant of memories then a fade to black then the memories come back but once again, they fade

I really dont even know how i got my shoes back on or how i walked to the uber without slipping in the snow

I still dont know if you saying the gremlins was scary was a ruse so you could turn towards me or if a drunken you is just an actual baby

I dont even remember the kissing starting, it really is just a blur of me feeling hands roaming my body

Then there is you falling off the couch and that was pretty hilarious within itself

I hate not knowing what exactly happened.

That was also the same year, the summer before i met, that i went skinny dipping because i got black out drunk to forget about you

I wish i did forget about you that night but i dont remember, my friends said i cried about you instead

I drank bottle after bottle supposedly, vodka was my choice

They said i was even wild enough to start a fight with my ex who was there but she was too high to care

I also cried because i didnt watch shark week for those two days i partied to forget you as i threw up all over myself and sat in a bathtub all night

You texted me one of those nights too, you were drinking whatever pain you had away, though it never hurt you like it did me

I think i still resent you for that, i forgave you so easily the second time... and the third but maybe i shouldnt have

Second time was easier I'll admit it, the third time i wanted absolutely nothing to do with you

You treated me like shit during the second time because your feelings came back but i had a girlfriend

I loved her you know? I really fucking did but it didnt work out and thats okay because she didnt hurt me like you did

Getting mad at me for things i couldnt control, the constant arguing and ignoring each other

It was toxic and pathetic and maybe i should've never flew out to see you

Is that were we both fucked up? Where i fucked up?

God and the way you left me that second time, i never knew that whole stigma about how being 'ghosted' hurt until then

Never an explanation because you never fucking gave me one for any situation. Never.

You were an asshole to me, treated me like complete shit for a couple months before i dropped you completely from my thoughts and life

Something that was so easy for you to do with me but so hard for me to do to you

Then my friend died, i knew him since i was 5, weren't close like we used to be when we played soccer and went to elementary together

It was a wake up call to stop hating and holding grudges on people because i did not have the energy

My best friend was his best friend and i imagined myself in her position, had that been you i would not know what i would do

I decided to stop hating you, because trust me, the very mention of your name pissed me off

I messaged you that i was over the hate and i hoped you were happy and living your best life and i wanted to leave it at that

I should've.

But somehow you came crawling back to me for help because you only ever come to me when its about you

And i was there for you because i promised you i always would be, and you are more than aware that i keep all of my promises

I helped you and we became friends again but i never trusted you the same, i still dont think i do

But you were once my best friend and i needed her back so i relented and asked you to be back in my life

You didnt want that because you were aware of how shitty you were to me

I should have listened to you shouldn't i?

Its like once you find someone new to swallow your time and entertain you, you forget about everyone else who was there to help you through your hardships

Im really tired of being used here

Ill never be brave to say this to you, i know i wont ever say it

But just know, my faith in you will always be there and you're going to live an amazing life, just know that i dont think i will be in it.

The irony because we planned on being in one anothers lives forever, i always thought you were somehow one of my soulmates

Not the romantic kind of course, thinking of you that way kind of makes me want to barf

Even planned on making our kids best friends and you being the god mother to my children

But life never works out for you and i, no matter the form of our relationship

Im just counting down the days until you leave again, youre really good at that

Time is telling and behavior is repetition, its inevitable

Some things just should end the first time around.

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