#and its hard to pick out what flavor the movie wants you to take

[linddzz]

I do think a lot of the exploration of "what it means to be a woman" in Barbie was very heteronormative focused. Which like...didn't bother me much but it did mean that America's big speech made me check out a bit because it didn't resonate. It mostly reminded me of all of the "being a woman is suffering" straight feminism I see that always makes me be like huh...can't relate so while she was going on I was just like...man in all honesty being a straight woman seems like it suuucckksss glad I don't have all That. Glad it resonated with other people.

[asahicore]

stupid in love - psh (m)

this work contains smut - minors please do not interact

pairing. best friend!sunghoon x fem!reader

synopsis. One night early on in your summer vacation, your best friend Sunghoon admits that his biggest anxiety about starting college is going there as a virgin - one thing leads to another, and you end up learning a few things from each other. The more time passes, the more obvious it becomes that your feelings for each other surpass friendship, but with the end of summer looming over your heads, it's hard to tell where these newfound emotions will lead you.

genre. best friends/childhood friends 2 lovers, summer au, lots of fluff and smut but also some angst to spice things up, when i say smut i mean LOTS of smut. like mostly smut lol (mutual first time, ice play, crazy stuff)

word count. 22.1k

a/n. bringing this one back from the pits of my google docs guys.. its been so long since i've posted anything and im not sure when the new hoon fic will be ready so i thought i'd repost an og asahicore fic!!! the title was originally 'hot like ice' but i changed it bc this is my blog and i do what i want <3 i'd also like to say that in terms of plot this is probably not something i would write nowadays, it's very smut-heavy and thats not what im about now idk i was crazy back then... but i rmb being happy w this fic and its reception when i first posted it so i'm happy to have it back on my blog and hope u guys will like it too <3 as always lmk what u think!!

It all started with a lollipop. Well, two, to be exact. One strawberry-flavored, one apple-flavored. 

You stand in front of your friend, lollipops in hand. “Which one do you want, Hoon?” 

“I don’t mind, just pick whichever one you like best,” he replies absent-mindedly, eyes on the TV as he tries to find a suitable movie for this late summer afternoon.

You plop down on the couch next to him and look at the two lollipops in your hands, unable to decide which flavor you like better. “I don’t know what I feel like right now,” you announce to an uninterested Sunghoon. “I’ll just try both.”

That seems to catch your best friend’s attention. He watches as you unwrap both candies, tasting each once, twice, then as you decide you want the apple-flavored lollipop and hand him the strawberry-flavored one. He doesn’t take his eyes off of your lips as you wrap them and swirl your tongue around the candy, letting its sweetness wash over your taste buds. You raise your eyebrows when you notice his staring and he blinks a couple times, trying to snap himself out of it. “Did you want the other one?” you ask, confused by his behavior.

“N-no, I like strawberry,” he stammers, turning his gaze back to the screen in front of you and settling for ‘When Harry Met Sally,’ a movie you’ve both seen a thousand times but never get bored of.

You’re used to Sunghoon getting lost in his thoughts, so you don’t question it much. You sit back on the couch, your knee touching his. You two are no strangers to a little skinship - after being friends for almost eight years, physical contact comes naturally. You have to admit that recently, it’s started to feel different; but the idea of your friendship changing tugs at your heartstrings so much that you ignore the prickles on your skin when he hugs you or the way your stomach flips when he smiles at you, dimples and sharp canines on display. You tell yourself it’s all stupid and that you can handle so much as your knees touching.

Sunghoon, on the other hand, can't. The lollipop in his mouth right now was in yours mere moments ago and you’d given it to him like sharing saliva was no big deal. He feels like a thirteen year-old for thinking like this, but this was pretty much an indirect kiss.

He stares at the TV screen, but all he can see are your perfect lips sucking that lollipop, and his mind is desperately not trying to go there, but he just cannot help himself. Blood rushes to his dick as he pictures your mouth around him, sucking him off with as much enthusiasm as you are the lollipop. Would you like his taste? Would you look up at him with those pretty eyes of yours, smiling even with his dick stuffed in your mouth?

His own thoughts catch him off guard, and before they can get any wilder, he runs off to the bathroom, knowing he’d never live it down if you caught a glimpse of his erection. Thankfully, you don’t, and you call after him, asking if he wants you to pause the movie, to which he shouts back a strangled ‘no.’

He comes back ten minutes later, face flushed and breath heavy. “Goddamn, Hoon, I know we’re best friends, but if you’re going to dump a massive load, I wished you did it in your own bathroom and not mine,” you tease him, laughing as his face gets even redder and he opens his mouth to protest.

“I was just on my phone!” he replies, mildly offended.

“Whatever,” you say, still laughing, and turn your attention back to the movie.

Well. Sunghoon would rather have you think he just took a huge shit than have you know he came to the idea of you sucking him off and swallowing every last drop of his cum. 

--

A few days later, you and Sunghoon are lying on his bed, the both of you on your backs, talking about this and that as you often do. It’s almost 3 a.m., and it feels almost rebellious, being up this late after months of waking up at 6, but your high school graduation was a week ago and you feel like you can do anything. The dim fairy lights you forced him to put up and the bright moon outside are the only sources of light in the room, and when you turn to look at him, you can just make out the outline of his face, the curve of his nose, the sharpness of his jaw. You've looked at him a thousand times before, so your memory makes up for what the light takes away from your eyes. You shift to lying on your stomach, propping yourself up on your elbows so you can take a better look at your friend. Something about the moonlight makes him look ethereal, and his beauty makes your heart skip a beat, but you’d never admit that to him. Out of habit, you reach out to touch his moles, gently placing your middle finger on his nose and your pointer finger on his cheek. Sunghoon closes his eyes at your touch, used to the warm feeling that settles in his stomach whenever you do that.

“Y/N?” he calls out, just as you pull your fingers away from his moles.

“Yeah?”

He opens his eyes again, meeting yours. “Is there anything you’re scared of for next year? You know, heading off to college and all that?” You shift again and lie on your back, the sides of your two bodies touching. You stare at the ceiling for a while, thinking about his question, and Sunghoon patiently waits for your answer.

“I’m scared about not making friends. I’m not the least outgoing person ever, but it’s so intimidating, not knowing anyone. And it’ll be weird not having you around. Shut up,” you warn before he can make an egotistical remark, so he just chuckles. “I’m also worried about the amount of work I’ll have. I’ve heard so many times that it’s a huge step-up from high school, the workload and the type of work and all that. What if I don’t even like the degree that I chose? I know I can change it, but it still stresses me out. Turning 18 doesn’t feel like a huge deal, but going to college does. It’s when all the responsibility hits. My mom told me to make my own doctor’s appointment the other day, and I almost cried when I had to call them. I’m not gonna have anyone to do my groceries for me. I’m scared I might get an awful roommate. I hate the idea of communal showers. I don’t even know what I want to do after college, and I know I have four years to make up my mind, but I’m scared those four years are gonna flash by and I’ll be indebted and unemployed by the end of it.” You pause to take a breath, and you can feel Sunghoon’s eyes on the sides of your face, but he doesn’t say anything. “Also, I heard that you put on a lot of weight during your freshman year.”

You turn to look at him to find him smiling at you. “Wow. That’s a lot.”

The two of you giggle, eyes not leaving the other’s. After a moment, you turn your gaze back to the ceiling and sigh. “Yeah, I know. But I’m more excited than I am scared. What about you?”

Sunghoon follows your gaze and looks up above him. He doesn’t say anything for a while, and when he finally speaks up, he says it so quietly, you almost don’t hear it. “I’m scared of going to college a virgin.”

You try to stay serious for a few seconds, but you can’t keep your laughter in and snort loudly at your friend’s words, laughing so hard your stomach starts to hurt.

“Don’t make fun of me!” he whines, hands coming up to cover his face.

It takes you a while to calm down; not only was Sunghoon’s statement ridiculous, it was so unexpected that you couldn’t stop laughing. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you apologize, catching your breath. “I just can’t believe that that’s what you’re scared of, of all things.”

“What? It’s a perfectly reasonable concern,” he defends himself.

“Nobody’s gonna care if you’re a virgin, Hoon,” you try to reason with him, but if there is one thing your best friend is, it’s stubborn.

“I’m gonna care! What if I like a girl but I can’t bring myself to make a move on her ‘cause I have no experience?”

“But Hoon, chances are she doesn’t have a lot more experience than you do! She’ll be the same age we are, dummy. We’re not sixteen year-olds jumping into a world of twenty year-olds. Sure, some people have their first time in high school, but a lot do it at university. You’ll be fine,” you reassure. His furrowed eyebrows and pout tell you he’s not fully convinced, though.

“Oh, c’mon! If you really want to lose your virginity before leaving, we can get you laid during the summer. I’m sure we can find a girl nice enough,” you tease, jokingly patting his bicep, trying not to make a note of how firm the skin feels under your hand.

Sunghoon sighs, and you can tell he’s actually taking this seriously. “I’m not that desperate that I’d have sex with the first girl that agrees, you know. I’d still rather do it with someone…” He glances at you for just a second. “Someone I trust.”

You feel your face heat up at the possible meaning behind his words, so you look away, not wanting him to see the effect they had on you. He changes his position on the bed, and now it’s his turn to prop himself up on his elbows and look down at you.

“What about you, Y/N? Don’t you think it’d be good to get a bit of experience before going off to college? It’ll be one less thing to stress about,” he says, a small smirk playing on his lips, and his shy demeanor from moments prior is completely gone. Out of fear that his ego would get even bigger, you'd never tell him, but you love it when he gets like that - when he thinks he’s the shit and teases you mercilessly. You know he does it lightheartedly, and it never fails to bring a smile to your face.

Except right now it does. You’re not smiling, far from it; you’re looking up at your best friend, mouth slightly agape and wide eyes searching for a sign that he may be just joking. He raises an eyebrow expectantly, and your reaction is to scoff at him. 

“Do I need to remind you that you’re the reason I have no experience to begin with, Park Sunghoon?” you ask, sitting up on the bed to peer down at him. He shifts again and lays on his back, his hands coming up behind his head as he beams at you.

“Am I really?”

You wish you could slap that shit-eating grin off of his face. This is not the first time you're having this conversation. “Yes, Hoon. Every time a guy was even remotely interested in me, you chased them away. I’m still not over you telling Kang Taehyun I have smelly feet! I had a huge crush on that guy!”

Sunghoon loudly laughs at the memory, and you curse yourself for cracking a smile when you see his face scrunched in laughter. “That was in Year 5, Y/N! It’s been years!”

You grab a pillow and throw it at his head, unable to not laugh along with him. “What about Bang Yedam, then? That was only last year, and you totally ruined my chances with him!”

“Listen, if you having a creepy doll collection is enough to make him not ask you out, then he must not have liked you that much.”

“But I don’t have a creepy doll collection! That’s the whole point!” you say, on the brink of desperation. You sigh at your friend who’s still catching his breath from laughing so much. “You’re just lucky they didn’t repeat your bullshit to anyone. I would’ve had such a weird reputation otherwise.”

“Of course they didn’t. I told them I’d kill them if they did,” he stated matter-of-factly, as if that was a normal and appropriate thing to do.

“Couldn’t you have threatened them that way so they wouldn’t ask me out instead of lying to them about me?”

Sunghoon stares at you for a few seconds, eyes seemingly empty of thought. “Huh. Yeah, I guess I could’ve done that.”

“Ugh,” you groan, and plop down on the bed next to him. Neither of you says anything for some time, until you break the silence again. “You know you even stole my first kiss, Hoon,” you speak softly.

“I know,” he says, voice just as quiet as yours. “You never shut up about it.”

“Why would I? I was about to kiss Lee Heeseung, of all people, the boy everybody, including me, had a crush on, but no, someone had to get between us and kiss me in his stead,” you grumble, giving your friend a harsh side-eye.

Sunghoon sighs and shakes his head as if you’re being irrational. “I don’t get why you’re so hung-up on that. Why would you want your first kiss to be because of a middle-school party dare rather than have it with your best friend, whom you know and trust?”

“It was Lee Heeseung, for God’s sake!”

“And I’m Park Sunghoon!”

Still both laying on your backs, you turn your heads to look at each other. There’s something in his eyes you’ve never seen before that you can’t quite put your finger on. The person in front of you is one you’ve known for years now and yet the look in his eyes is of such unfamiliar intensity that it makes your stomach flip. You inhale sharply when his eyes drift down to your lips, and you can’t help but mirror his actions. The atmosphere has flipped like a light switch; it was playful just mere seconds ago, the sound of your usual banter filling up the room. All of a sudden, there’s something heavy dancing in the air around you, and it makes your heart skip a bit faster and your breath a bit shallower.

Your voice is barely above a whisper when you say his name.

“Yeah?” His eyes snap back up to yours, but you're still stuck on his lips. Have they always looked so kissable?

“Why did you do that? Why did you push those boys away from me?” you ask, even though you’ve asked this question a thousand times before. You want to hear his answer again.

“I’ve already told you. You deserved better than them.” Whenever you ask him about it, Sunghoon always stops here, and you never push. But there are unspoken words left hanging that you’re dying to hear.

“Who, then? Who’d be better than them?”

He's quiet for a second. “It’s a secret,” he whispers finally, a small smirk teasing his lips, and you roll your eyes at him. But then your eyes meet again and your breath hitches. You shift to your side so you can face him more fully, and he mirrors your actions. 

It’s his turn to say your name. “Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“Have you kissed anyone since?” he asks, coming off shyer than he’d intended to.

You giggle and smack his shoulder lightly. “Why do you wanna know?”

He snickers too and, to your surprise, stops your fist from hitting him a second time, enveloping his larger hand around yours and laying it between the two of you on the bed. “Cause I should know that sorta thing. Also, if you did kiss someone since then, and I didn’t know about it, I'd be upset.”

“Why would you be mad?” you say, still giggling, trying to ignore the way your heartbeat quickens when he threads your fingers with his.

“Because you wouldn’t have told me!”

“Well…”

“No way, Y/N,” he practically shouts, already feeling betrayed, his free hand coming up to grip his heart in fake shock.

“Let me at least finish first,” you protest. He obliges, although he doesn't look very happy about it. “You know that summer 2 years ago I went away to camp?”

“Yeah, worst summer ever.”

“Well, I did sort of… get with someone, that summer,” you say, avoiding Sunghoon’s wide eyes as he gasps loudly.

“What? Who with? How come you didn't tell me?” he exclaims, letting go of your hand. He sits up on the bed and crosses his arms over his chest like an annoyed child. 

“Because of this exactly.”

“What’s this?”

“Your reaction right now!” you say, sitting up as well, both of your knees grazing his. The simple touch sends a shiver down your spine that you can only hope he takes no notice of.

“Wouldn’t you be a bit upset if I told you I ‘got with’,” he air-quotes, “a random girl two years ago?”

“No? Especially not if it was two years ago?”

You both look just as confused as the other, obviously not on the same wavelength. He furrows his eyebrows and glares at you. “Well, I am.”

You throw your head back in laughter and place your hands on his knees, but when you come forward again, you overestimate the distance between the both of you and find yourself mere inches from his face. The laughter immediately dies in your throat, and you feel it go dry when your stunned reaction elicits a smirk from him. You don’t know how long you stare into his eyes, all you know is you snap out of it when his gaze drifts down to your lips once more. You’re closer now than you were before, and having him so close makes your mind spin with all the possible outcomes of such proximity. You lean back on the bed, pulling away your hands from his knees to hold yourself up on them.

“There’s no reason to,” you say, hoping that breaking the silence will dissipate some of the tension in the air. You keep going back and forth between familiar and dangerous and you don’t know how long you’ll be able to handle that atmosphere. “It’s not like anything grand happened. We made out a bit and held hands. We never spoke after that summer, otherwise you’d have known about it.” 

Sunghoon lets out a low hum. His eyes are still trained on yours, and you wished he’d look away because you can’t seem to do it yourself. He still doesn’t say anything, so you speak up again. “You say that like you’ve never had girlfriends, by the way. Surely you’ve done more than just kissing.” Silence again, and you can’t decipher the look he’s giving you. “So, I don’t know what you’re so scared about, because it’s not like you have zero experience. I’m sure the girls at uni will love you, Hoon.”

He sighs and finally tears his eyes away from yours, and you’re not sure if you’re seeing things because of how dark and late it is or if there’s an actual blush creeping on his cheeks. “Sure, I’ve had a couple girlfriends, but you know they’ve never lasted long,” he says, looking down at his lap. “We made out… I guess I-” he gives you a quick glance, “I’ve touched their boobs and they’ve touched my… you know…”

You can’t help but giggle at how shy your friend is suddenly being. “Can’t even say the word ‘penis’, Hoon?,” you tease, and his eyes snap back up at yours.

“Of course I can. Penis! There.” You look at each other for a few seconds before bursting into laughter, Sunghoon hushing you so you don’t wake up his parents, but his hushes are louder than your laugh. After a couple minutes, you calm down and wipe your tears away, grateful for the break in the tension between you and Sunghoon.

“Anyway, yeah, I guess I don’t have that much experience. Which is why I brought it up in the first place.” And just as quickly as it’d left, the tension is back again.

You look around the room because the weight of Sunghoon’s gaze on your face is unbearable. You release a shaky breath when you feel his gentle hand on your knee, and your eyes drift to it, but you can’t get yourself to look him straight in the eyes. 

“Don’t you think it’d be good to get experience before leaving for college, Y/N?” he asks, and you can tell he’s trying to sound confident, but his voice comes out breathier and shakier than he must intend it to.

“I don’t know… I don’t think it’s necessary,” you say, eyes still trained on his hand resting on your knee. He squeezes it a bit, making you finally look up at him. Is it just you, or did the room get hotter all of a sudden?

“Not everything you do has to be out of necessity, you know.”

The both of you stare at each other for a few moments. This shift in your relationship was bound to happen; you’d been feeling it more and more recently. You didn’t use to think twice about Sunghoon taking your hand in his, nor did you feel those stupid butterflies eating away at your stomach every time his gaze lingered for a second too long. You’d tried to reason with yourself that it was just teenage hormones doing their stupid job, and that you were doomed to feel some kind of attraction for your extremely handsome best friend at some point in your life, but that if you ignored it hard and long enough it would go away.

Well, now that Sunghoon’s lips are barely inches away from yours and your skin is on fire under his hand, it definitely isn’t going away.

“What would you do if I kissed you?” Sunghoon asks, eyes fluttering down to your lips. You think he’s looked at your lips more than the rest of your face in the past hour.

“I’d slap you,” you lie, gaze mirroring his.

“Would you really?” he says, and your hesitation makes him smirk slightly.

“No,” you breathe out, and it’s the answer he’s been waiting for, the answer he needs to finally press his soft lips against yours. 

You don’t even have the time to savor the moment, though, because the warmth of his lips is gone as quickly as it came. He pulls back, a surprised look in his eyes, as if he can’t believe what he just did. The tension above you breaks and rains down on you like small pieces of confetti that settle comfortably on your head and shoulders. There’s a knot in your stomach but instead of twisting your insides in nervousness, it feels warm and makes you giddy for what’s to come next. Sunghoon’s surprised expression transforms into a grin at the sound of your laughter, and he can’t help but chuckle along with you.

You scooch closer to him, and his other hand comes to rest on your second knee. You can tell he’s not going to do much more, so you lean in bit by bit, and peck him softly on the lips. You both giggle again and you blame the fact that you want to feel his lips on yours again on the late hour of the night. You peck his lips once, twice more, giggling inbetween, but when you peck them a third time, he doesn’t let you pull away and keeps his lips on yours. The sudden added strength takes you aback, but it doesn’t take you long to yield to his touch and kiss him back. 

Sunghoon moves his lips slowly against yours and it’s surprisingly easy to fall into his rhythm. You don’t have the most experience with kissing, but something about doing it with your best friend reassures you and your whole body relaxes as you focus on the feeling of his lips moving in cadence with yours. The knot in your stomach stays there and tightens when his hands ride up your thighs and settle on your hips, holding you snugly there. You’re only wearing shorts and his palms against your bare skin make you release a shaky breath in Sunghoon’s mouth. You pull back for a bit, surprised at your own reaction, but nothing has prepared you for the way your best friend looks at you.

His pupils are dilated, dark; his glossed-over eyes bore right into yours. Your breath was already shallow from the kiss, but it’s his gaze that renders you completely breathless. Sunghoon tightens his grip on your hips and leans in for more, but you put a hand on his chest to stop him, making his eyes snap back into focus.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry, Y/N. I don’t know what took over me. Are you okay?” he asks, as short of breath as you are, but worry laced in his voice.

“No- Yes- I mean, yes, I’m fine, everything’s fine, I just-” you shake your head, trying to gather your thoughts. “I’m just…”

“Tell me. You can tell me,” he says, rubbing gentle circles into your hips with his thumb, and the unfamiliar yet intimate gesture makes it even harder to concentrate. 

“We- we’re best friends, right?” you ask, voice trembling, You ask, even though you know the answer, just because you’re afraid the line the two of you have just crossed is already miles behind you, and you won’t be able to retrace your steps.

“Yeah, of course we are,” Sunghoon reassures, head tilting to the side in confusion. 

“And best friends… Do they… Well, it’s normal for best friends to kiss, right?” you say, trying to calm the overpowering urge to kiss him again.

Sunghoon chuckles and tucks a loose strand of hair behind your ear. “I don’t know about that, Y/N.”

“Oh,” you breathe.

Sunghoon quickly catches on to your hesitation. “But who cares about what best friends usually do and don’t do?” he says, holding your face between his hands to make you look up at him. “I liked kissing you, just now. I really, really liked it,” he admits, red dusting his cheeks. “Did you?”

You nod, too shy to put just how much you enjoyed kissing Sunghoon into words. “Do you want to do it again?” he asks and chuckles when you nod again, eyes already on his lips. This time, you don’t stop him when he leans in and let him press his lips to yours again. His words have reassured you and you sigh into his mouth, making him smile into the kiss. 

His hands ride up a bit and settle on your waist, bringing you a bit closer to him, and you circle your arms around his neck. The shyness of the first kiss is completely gone, and you’re both gaining more and more confidence, letting everything go and focusing solely on where your bodies meet. He tilts his head, deepening the kiss, and you push your body onto his, a sudden need to feel him against you, to feel his strong arms encaging you. 

You pull away at the same time to catch your breaths, smiling at each other when you see how lustful the other’s expression is. Sunghoon’s eyes have glossed over once more, and you’re sure yours have too. “C’mere,” he whispers, beckoning you to him. You climb onto his lap, one knee on each side of his hips. “Is this okay?” he asks, but you don’t answer, you just lean in and kiss him again, holding his face in your hand as his hands roam your back over the thin fabric of your t-shirt. Your kisses are curious, the both of you trying to figure out what feels best as you tilt your heads from one side to the other and let your inquisitive hands travel each other’s bodies. Yours find purchase in his hair, and you revel in the sighs that escape his lips whenever you pull and tug at the strands. 

As the kiss gets hungrier and needier, his hands fall down to your lower back, and then to your ass. He just cups it for a while, but after a few moments, grabs it harder and brings you close to him, making your core rub against  the hardness that had been building in his sweatpants for a while now. The friction is unexpected and you can’t help the loud moan leaving your lips at the feeling. It’s a feeling you know from your own hand in the privacy of your dark room, but Sunghoon making you feel that way is so foreign that it snaps you out of the daze you’re in. 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, was that too much?” Sunghoon scrambles for words, but you’re already pulling away, and he doesn’t know what to do to keep you close.

You sit back on the bed, holding your knees close to your chest. You look at your best friend in front of you who’s looking at you with a worried expression. Something in you craves to reach a hand out to him, to feel his cheeks and jawline under your palms again, to find out if he’d shiver at your touch and if goosebumps would form on his skin. He’s been your best friend for eight years, and you’ve always thought you knew everything about him, the same way he’s supposed to know everything about you. But you realize in this moment that there are things you don’t yet know, melodies to be discovered, treasures to be unearthed. Your fingertips are burning to find them all. 

The sound of your name resonates inside your mind and it takes you everything not to fall back on him again. You furrow your eyebrows, confused by all those things you’re feeling. What was it that just took over you, that lit your insides up so?

You straighten your back suddenly and take in your surroundings. Sunghoon’s room is still the same old room you’ve always known, the same blue walls, the same posters he only ever changes when he finds a new interest and lets go of an old one. The same pictures from when you were 10, 12, 15, recent ones now that you’re 18; the same figure skating trophies and medals on his shelves. You turn to look at your best friend. The same soft, round cheeks contrasted by a sharp jaw; the same almond eyes, round with worry at your sudden movement away from him; the same two moles you’ve always found so comforting, for some reason. You almost reach out to touch them, to give you some sense of balance, to reassure you that things aren’t changing as much as it feels like they are. But you’re scared electricity might fry your fingers if you touch him right now. You’re scared you won’t be able to take your fingers off of him, no matter how much it stings. His face is the same as always before, but there’s something else to it, something you could probably figure out if you spent more than three seconds thinking about it, but you’re not sure you want to figure it out.

“Is everything okay? Did- Did I do something wrong?” he asks, voice laced with concern. 

Before he can put a reassuring hand on your knee, you get off of the bed, and hurriedly say, “No. I just- I think I should go home.” You look everywhere but at him.

He sits up at your words, concern turned into confusion. “It’s 3 a.m., Y/N, why do you want to go home all of a sudden? You’ve stayed over plenty of times before.”

“I know, I just…” you trail off, trying to come up with an excuse. “I’ve got cramps. I think my period’s coming,” you lie. It’s better than whatever truth is threatening to bubble up.

“Oh. Right.” He scooches a bit, sitting on the edge of his bed. “Is there anything- like- can I do anything?” He sighs, steadies himself. “You don’t have to go, is what I’m trying to say.”

A few months ago, when you had finally wrapped your head around the fact that your best friend was an attractive man and that he made you feel things friends weren’t supposed to make you feel, you’d told yourself it was all just a phase that would pass soon. But feelings this strong surely cannot go away that easily.

You take a deep breath in and tear your eyes away from him. “I think I should go home,” you repeat. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Hoon.”

You turn around and start walking away, but Sunghoon is quick on his feet and stops you from going out the door. “Do you actually have cramps? Or are you just scared that our friendship might change?” He sounds out of breath, like asking this question is taking him all of his energy.

You avert his gaze and try to push past him, but he’s much stronger than you. Puberty sure played its trick on him. You sigh and look down at your feet. “I’m tired, Hoon, let’s talk about it tomorrow.”

But if there is one thing your best friend is, it’s stubborn. “I don’t wanna talk about it tomorrow. I wanna talk about it now. Did it feel nice?” he asks, and his resolute tone of voice makes you look up at him.

“I- I mean-”

“Y/N,” he starts, wrapping his arms around you and leaning in a bit, his familiar scent filling your nostrils. You have to close your eyes. “Answer me. Did it feel good?”

“Yes,” you answer without thinking. 

“Is that why you’re scared?”

“Yes.” Your eyes flutter open when you feel his fingers graze your cheek. He leans in again and traps your kiss in a much softer and intimate kiss that makes your head spin and your thoughts cloud. Before you can get carried away, you pull away again, and ignore how beautiful he looks when his eyes stay closed for a couple of seconds longer. He only opens them once you tell him once again you should go home, that you need some time to think.

“Let me at least walk you there. It’s dark,” he pleads, his grip on your waist still tight.

“Hoon, I live right next door, I’ll be fine.” You let him kiss you once more and he makes you promise to call or text him tomorrow.

When you leave, Sunghoon plops back down on his bed, arm resting on his forehead as he plays back the events of the night. Had he done something wrong? Something that made you want to get as far away from him as quickly as possible? He’d tried to be gentle and to make sure you were okay with everything, but he couldn’t help but get carried away when he heard those sweet sighs of yours. He thought he was going to combust when he heard you moan, and he wanted to hear it over and over again, but you’d jumped from him like he’d told you he had killed someone.

He hopes you were telling the truth when you said you were just scared about your friendship changing. He hadn’t wanted to push and get you to stay; he knew it was weird, seeing each other in a different light all at once. He wasn’t completely oblivious; he’d felt that same shift in your relationship those past few months, just like you had, although you’d never spoken about it to each other. He knew he could never go back to seeing you as just a friend when he’d jerked off one day and you were all he could think of. He kept imagining the sounds you’d make and the way your hands would feel on him, and he’d gotten so close to getting that today, but he must’ve fucked something up and now his chances were ruined. He curses himself for letting you slip through his fingers just when he thought he finally had you.

You don’t get a wink of sleep that night. Your mind is reeling with everything that happened in Sunghoon’s room. Your fingers unconsciously keep coming up to touch your lips and feel the ghost of his touch there. Your skin turns hot at the simple thought of how perfect his lips had felt against yours, and you toss and turn in your bed as you consider what might’ve been, had you stayed with Sunghoon. 

But it’s all happening too quickly, and even though you’ve been curious in more ways than one about your best friend for the past few months, you hadn’t expected to kiss him and to enjoy it so much on a random summer night. Your thoughts only seem to calm down and your eyes finally close just as the sun starts to rise.

--

The next day, Sunghoon wakes up in the early hours of the afternoon and checks his phone right away. A couple of notifications, but nothing from you. A text from Jake in their group chat with Jay asking to hang out at Sunghoon’s pool, to which he replies that they can come whenever. He taps a quick one out in the shower, memories of your scent and your lips on his getting him to finish quicker than he’d like to admit. He’s in the middle of a late breakfast when Jake and Jay spawn at his door, swimming trunks already on. Still nothing from you.

It doesn’t take Jay and Jake long to figure out that something is up with their best friend. It’s not like he does much usually, but today especially, he makes no effort to entertain them. He laughs at their jokes, but it feels like he laughs because he hears other people laughing rather than because he genuinely finds them funny. He barely even reacts when the inflatable pool ball hits him right in the face.

His friends don’t say anything until they’re all seated at a table by the pool, sipping on some ice-cold Coke. The air is still warm but the sun is low in the sky, hidden behind the house. Sunghoon is still lost in his thoughts, unblinking eyes fixed on a random point in the distance. Jay and Jake exchange a look before the former breaks the silence.

“Is everything alright, Hoon? You look out of it today.”

Jay’s voice brings him back to the here and now, and his eyes jump back and forth between his two friends who are looking at him expectantly. “Huh? Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. Just tired. I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night,” he says, leaving some of the truth out, but his friends know him better than he gives them credit for.

“Are you sure? I feel like there’s something you’re not telling us. You usually act like a little bitch when you’re tired, you don’t get all…,” Jake shakes his hand in front of his face, “distant like that.”

Sunghoon bites his lip, debating whether he should tell his friends about you or not. No matter how stupid they may be, they also know both of you quite well, so they might prove not completely useless, he thinks.

“Y/N and I kissed last night.”

It’s almost comical, how Jay and Jake bring their head forward in astonishment, how wide their mouth gets, how their eyes look like they might pop out of their sockets, and how they say “You what?!” at the same time. On a normal day, Sunghoon would've laughed.

“We kissed,” Sunghoon repeats, eyes drifting down to the ground in front of him as he rubs his neck in embarrassment.

“Fucking finally!” Jay exclaims.

“Told you it was gonna happen. No way you two were going to stay just besties forever,” Jake teases, punching Sunghoon in the arm. “How was it?”

Sunghoon sighs and leans back in his chair, letting his head hang back. “Really fucking amazing,” he chuckles. His friends holler for him, snickering like 12-year old boys who just saw a hot girl walk past. 

“God, I saw this coming from miles away. I don’t know why you kept on insisting nothing was gonna happen between you two,” Jake says, beaming.

“I really didn’t think anything would… I just… Started seeing her differently recently, I guess.” Sunghoon shrugs, sheepishly smiling to himself.

“So, what happened? Did you guys just kiss or…?” Jay asks, raising his eyebrows suggestively. Jake giggles at the insinuation of sex but has a curious glint in his eyes when he waits for Sunghoon’s answer.

“Yeah, um, we just kissed cause she- she sort of ran away?” Sunghoon admits, wincing at the recollection.

“You what?!” Chaeyong’s voice rings out in the food court of the mall where you’re currently sitting, halfway through your strawberry milkshake.

“Keep it down, would you?!” you scold her, smiling apologetically to the people staring at you and your friend.

“If it was so good, why the hell did you run away, Y/N?”

“I just- I don’t know… Freaked out, I guess…” you mumble, cowering under the harsh look she gives you.

“Well, have you talked since?” You don’t reply, just guiltily avoid her gaze. “Y/N!”

“I know, I know! I just… don’t know what to do. ‘Hey, nice making out with you last night, bit weird since we’ve been best friends since we were 11, but that’s fine, right?’ Ugh! That’s so stupid,” you complain, flopping back in your chair.

“That’s exactly what you should say. Going MIA on him will just make things weirder. Plus you’ve never gone more than 24 hours without speaking so one of you will eventually cave in. It should be you,” she says, looking at you with a raised eyebrow as she takes a sip from her milkshake. 

You scoff when she gives you a ‘you know I’m right’ look. “I’ll think about it on the way home and text him. There.”

And you do think about it on the way home; but you don’t get the opportunity to send the text, because as soon as you get off the bus at the stop right across from your house, you see Sunghoon sitting on the bench of your porch, looking around nervously and rubbing his hands on his denim shorts. You chuckle to yourself; who knew he got so distressed from not speaking to you for a day?

He stands up when he sees you approaching and raises his hand in a quick wave. “Hi, Hoon,” you greet, and you can feel his whole body relax when you hug him. So, you don’t hate him, he thinks. You sit down on the bench together. “Sorry I didn’t text you. I didn’t know what to say after… last night,” you admit, hugging your knees to your chest as you sit facing him.

“Yeah, I figured,” he chuckles, smiling shyly at you. “I was scared you’d never want to see me again.”

You look at him with wide eyes, mildly offended, and punch his arm. “How could you think that?!”

“Well, you did sort of run away from me last night,” he says, lightly punching your arm in return.

You tut in defeat. “I did, didn’t I?” 

“Yeah. I’m just glad you didn’t walk past me straight into your house just now.”

You chuckle and rest your head on top of your knees. “That would’ve been a bit much, even for me.”

Sunghoon lets out a puff of air through his nose in response, and then the two of you sit in silence. You’re contemplating what to do next when your friend pulls you from your thoughts. “Should we, um…” He shuts his eyes tightly in reflection for a second before opening them again and looking straight at you. “Should we just pretend like last night didn’t happen? Would that make you feel more comfortable?”

His words take you aback and your eyes widen a bit; you hadn’t even thought pretending nothing happened last night was an option, because you didn’t think you’d ever be able to actually get it out of your head. Even now, if you stare at Sunghoon for too long, your gaze will naturally drift downwards or you’ll get a flashback of his large hands around your waist. But apparently, if he can offer to pretend like the previous night wasn’t a thing, then it must not have been such a huge deal to him. You quickly try to hide your disappointment and nod at your friend. “Right. Yeah. Sure.”

Silence makes its way between you two again. It makes the late afternoon breeze a bit chillier and the physical distance between you and Sunghoon feel much bigger than it actually is. Wanting it to go away quickly, you ask, “Do you wanna watch a movie, then?”

Sunghoon’s never looked so relieved about watching a movie, and he immediately accepts your offer. You get some popcorn ready while he searches for a movie to watch. He clicks on a horror movie that looks like it’s got a cliché storyline and awful acting, but you’re happy for any sort of distraction when Sunghoon is sitting so close to you.

You and Sunghoon always sit close-by when you watch something together, knees and shoulders brushing against each other. Tonight isn’t any different, except that your skin burns everywhere it touches his. You can smell the faint scent of chlorine in his hair, and it’s so intoxicating you want to bury your face there and breathe it in.

You’re thirty minutes into the movie and still nothing’s happened when Sunghoon puts his arm around you, letting his hand hang over your shoulder. The sudden warm contact makes you take a sharp intake of breath as memories of the previous night come flooding once again. You don’t know what you were expecting, but Sunghoon simply rests his hand there and doesn’t do anything more for another thirty minutes, except for squeezing your shoulder when there’s a small jumpscare, making you chuckle at him. This isn’t much more than what you’re used to with him, but knowing your friend, he must be thinking the ball is in your court. So you scooch a bit closer into his side and rest your head on his shoulder, the scent of his skin even stronger now that your nose is so close to his neck. You feel his chest raise and relax as he sighs deeply and tightens his hold around your shoulders. His small reactions to you spur you on and you decide to wrap an arm around his waist and you feel him flinch oh-so-slightly at your touch in such a sensitive spot. He starts to rub circles into your shoulder and rests his head on top of yours, and your whole body relaxes into his. This is so much more than what you’re used to with him; and yet, you so readily melt under his touch.

You can barely focus on the movie because of how close Sunghoon is. When a particularly scary ghost jumps on the screen, you flinch and hide your face in his neck, and he giggles at your reaction, hand coming up to stroke your hair comfortingly. It only takes you a few seconds to realize what position you’re in, and you release a shaky breath as you slowly lift your head towards Sunghoon, only to find him already looking at you, seemingly having had that same realization. When his eyes drift down to your lips, you know you’re done for.

You call out his name, and he’s already answered ‘Yes?’ before you’ve had time to finish uttering the second syllable. “I don’t think I want to pretend last night never happened,” you admit, holding his waist a bit tighter.

“Good. Me neither,” he breathes out before leaning down and trapping your lips in his, the kiss releasing all your pent-up frustration of the day. The world seems to melt away with his lips on yours, the movie already long forgotten. Sunghoon pulls you into his lap and you slide your palms up from his waist, against his chest and to his shoulders before wrapping your arms around his neck, bringing your body closer to his. His hands are sitting on your hips, fingers lightly pressing into them and your lower back. Now that you both seem to know what you want, it’s so easy, just falling into this kiss.

His tongue darts out to lick your bottom lip and you gladly open your mouth for him, letting his tongue explore it. You haven’t kissed someone like this in ages, maybe ever, but Sunghoon takes the lead and effortlessly gets you to follow his rhythm. When a flick of his tongue against yours feels particularly nice, you arch your back and press your chest into his, making him smirk into the kiss. This time, when he brings your hips down onto his, letting you feel his erection against your clothed core, the feeling doesn’t make you want to run away; instead, you want to feel it again and again.

You fall into a nice pace of rubbing yourself against him, eliciting hushed moans and loud breaths from the both of you. You can’t concentrate on kissing him and grinding down on him at the same time, so you drop your head down to bury your face in his neck, leaving a few pecks there but mostly moaning against his skin, enjoying how your hot breaths make him shiver.

You can’t keep a whine from escaping your lips when he bucks his hip into yours and his tip brushes directly against your covered clit, instantly bringing a hand up to your mouth. “Fuck, Y/N,” he breathes. “I know we gotta keep quiet ‘cause of your parents but the sounds you’re making are so fucking pretty. I wanna hear them over and over again.” His words make you whimper against his neck and you feel your slick starting to pool in your panties.

“H-hoon. This feels so good,” you moan, breathing warmly against the shell of his ear.

“I know, right? Feels so good,” he chuckles, hands grabbing at your ass to bring you harder down onto him. His actions are about to elicit another moan from you when, all of a sudden, a loud jumpscare in the movie makes you jump away from the boy underneath you and yelp in fear, which in turn makes him scream in surprise. You look at each other, panting and eyes open wide, hands clutching at your hearts, until you burst into laughter. The fun moment is short-lived, however, as your mom rushes down the stairs not ten seconds later, frantically asking if everything is alright. 

You sit up straight at the sight of your mother and clear your throat. You’re thankful for the dark of the room which hides your and Sunghoon’s swollen lips and flushed faces from her view. “Sorry, mom, we were just watching a scary movie. We’re fine.” She sleepily nods and walks back up the stairs, and when she’s back in her room, Sunghoon and you exchange a look and erupt into another fit of smaller, quieter giggles. 

That night, after Sunghoon’s gone home, the both of you get yourselves off in your own beds, the strong memory of each other’s lips and hands bringing you both to your releases. Without even realizing it, you moan out Sunghoon’s name as your orgasm hits. The window from your room doesn’t face his; but still, your heart is beating so loudly that you’re afraid the sound might carry from your open window to his. You get up and close it.

--

Now that you and Sunghoon both know you want to kiss each other, you do it everywhere: in his pool, his back pressed against the wall; on the sunchairs when you were supposed to be drying off; on your beds in the middle of the night, none of your parents or siblings suspicious of anything; in front of your house, because even though he was supposed to just walk you home, he couldn’t keep himself from tasting you one last time; in the backseat of his car after an evening with your friends and he drove you two home.

You spend a good two weeks of just kissing before your body starts to crave something more. At some point, Sunghoon’s hands resting nicely on your waist or sometimes, if he’s feeling bold, grabbing at your ass, start to not be enough anymore. You knew you wouldn’t be satisfied with just kisses and sweet touches when one day, his hands slowly but surely slid up your naked belly before grabbing onto your bikini-clad breast, lighting your whole body up on fire. He’d slipped his hand underneath your swimming top and rolled your nipple between two fingers and you had felt his dick twitch under your core when you let out a loud moan at the new yet so pleasurable feeling.

You know what it is that you want, but it makes you feel dirty. Your fingers have made you finish a hundred times before, but wanting Sunghoon to make you feel that way is a whole other story. Is that even what he wants? Would he be weirded out if you asked him about it? Is there even the sliver of a chance that maybe, just maybe, he has those same thoughts about you, and wants you to make him feel good as much as he wants to make you feel good?

If his grunts and the way he ruts into you when your make-out sessions get particularly steamy are any indication, then the answer to those questions would respectively be yes, no, and yes. 

You’re lying on a sunbed one afternoon, letting the sun dry off your wet skin from the pool, when you finally muster the courage to tell Sunghoon about your wishes. After all, he is your best friend, and you know you can talk to him about anything. Even when that ‘anything’ involves his fingers inside of you and his dick in your mouth.

“Sunghoon?” you call out, turning your head to look at your best friend. He’s bathing in the sunlight without a care in the world. His skin has tanned a bit since summer started three weeks ago and his muscles are even more defined after all that swimming and working out he’s been doing. You want to reach out a hand, to feel the taut skin of his abs and chest under your palms, and to maybe then slide your hand down until you feel his hard-on underneath his swimming trunks. Your chairs aren’t far apart and you could do it from where you are, but you’d rather ask him first.

“Yeah?” he answers without turning towards you.

You take a deep breath in before you start talking again. “You know how you said it could be good for us to get… experience before going to college… And how we’ve been kissing these past couple weeks…”

“Yeah, I know,” he chuckles.

“Well… people do more than just kissing, right?” you ask, voice slightly shaky. This seems to pique his interest as he turns to look at you.

“Yeah?” 

You hope you’re not just imagining the enthusiastic tone in his voice. “I think… I think we should try that too, don’t you think?” you ask, eyes not leaving his as he sits up on his chair and turns his knees towards you, fully facing you now.

“Yeah, I agree. I completely agree.” He stares at you for a few moments as if in disbelief. “Do you want to- Should we- Let’s go up to my room, yeah?” he offers, standing up and reaching his hand out to you. You gladly take it.

You and Sunghoon are a giggling mess as you practically run up the stairs, unable to get to his room quick enough. As soon as the door is closed behind you, you wrap your arms around each other, your lips finding his immediately as he walks you back to his bed. When you feel the back of your knees hit it, you detach yourself from him and lay on it, elbows holding you up as you look up at him expectantly.

“Fuck,” he whispers, leaning in to hover over you. He traps your lips in a short but sweet kiss before pulling back and murmuring against your lips, “Have I ever told you how pretty you are, Y/N?”

You beam at his words but decide to tease anyway. “You always go on and on about how pretty you are, but never about me.”

He giggles and pecks your lips again. “Well, I’m telling you now. You’re gorgeous.” You kiss him to hide your flustered face, pulling him so close to you he’s practically laying on top of you. Your hands are a bit more curious than usual, your kisses hungrier, the both of you anticipating what’s to come. 

You grind against each other, the feeling of his erection against your barely covered core enough to send your mind into a frenzy. You forget everything around you when you feel Sunghoon pull back in the slightest, far enough so that he can look at your face and gauge your reactions but not too much that you still feel his hot breath on your lips. One of his hands is holding the back of your head as the other travels downwards, stopping for a second on your breast to massage it lightly before continuing its journey. It ever-so-slightly brushes against your core, making you buck your hips up into his touch, but his hand is already gone leaving you whining and pouting and him chuckling at your cute reaction. “You want it that bad, huh?” he teases.

You scoff, not wanting to let your friend know the effect he has on you. You press your palm against his clothed erection and he hisses at the unexpected contact. “So do you, Hoon.”

When he presses his lips to yours again, you both smile into the kiss. You cup his jaw and tangle your fingers through his hair, and his hand slips from under your head and joins his other hand on your thigh, grabbing at both of them, fingers slightly digging in your skin. He’s so, so close to where you want him most, and he seems to have noticed your growing impatience by the way you squirm underneath him. Seeing you so needy for him only makes him needier for you; he has more experience than you, so you probably expect him to take the lead, but the truth is, he has no idea what the fuck he’s doing.

“Y/N?” he murmurs, face buried in your neck as he leaves a trail of wet kisses there.

“Yeah?”

“What do you want me to do?”

The question takes you a bit by surprise. You pull away to look at your friend. His eyes are completely glossed-over, and yours are probably the same. “Oh. I don’t know. I just… want you to touch me, I guess,” you say, voice a bit quiet.

“I don’t know how to do that,” he admits sheepishly. He kisses your neck and cheeks before pecking your lips. “Could you- could you show me? How you do it? And I can show you how I do it?”

You take a second to take his words in. Was he suggesting that you touch yourself in front of him, and that he do the same?

This was like a dream come true.

“Yeah, sure.”

Sunghoon giggles in response, and you can’t help but crack a smile too, even though the idea of getting yourself off in front of your friend, no matter how appealing, is still a bit nerve-wracking. “You first,” he says, a mischievous glint in his eyes, and you roll your eyes at him.

You sit back against the headboard of the bed and slip a hand underneath your swim bottom, the other hand coming up to cover your eyes in an attempt to escape Sunghoon’s heavy, lustful gaze. “None of that. I wanna see you,” he says, pulling your hand away from your eyes and resting it on a pillow next to you. “And if you keep these on, I won’t be able to see anything,” he says, looking down at your bikini top.

Before you can protest, he comes to sit on his knees in front of you, kissing your neck and letting his hands roam your back. “I wanna see all of you.” It’s so easy, untying your string bikini, he almost thinks you wore it on purpose for him to take it off. You avoid his gaze as he takes your top off of you, leaving you half-naked in front of him. “So pretty,” he whispers, and you can’t help but look at him, slick pooling between your legs from the fascination he’s looking at your breasts with. He trails kisses down your neck until he reaches them, taking a nipple in his mouth and swirling his tongue around it, then looks up to see your reaction. You never knew your nipples were this sensitive, and you can’t help but arch your back at his touch and moan loudly, hand flying up to tug at his soft hair. He releases your nipple with a pop and moves sideways to pay the same attention to the other one, but Sunghoon is impatient and doesn’t waste too much time on it; he knows he can come back to your boobs later anyway. Right now, you’ve got a hand between your legs, and that’s what he’s dying to see.

“Can I take this off, too?” he asks, looking up at you as his fingers hook on the sides of your swimming bottoms, waiting for you to nod. His eyes don’t leave your glistening core as he pulls the thin fabric down your legs, discarding it somewhere on the floor of his room. He lays on his belly and kisses the inside of your knee as he holds your thighs in his large hands, still transfixed by your pussy when he says, “Show me how you do it, please.”

You both take a sharp breath in when you start moving two fingers in gentle circles over your clit, already wet from making out with Sunghoon. Your fingers are nimble and know exactly what to do after years of doing this, but the pulse in your core is even stronger now that your best friend is watching your movements this intently. He looks like he’s scared to blink in case he might miss something. You can’t take your eyes off of his face; you’ve never seen him so fascinated by something, so eager to learn. It makes you want to put on a show for him.

A surge of confidence hits you out of nowhere as you slide your digits down your folds, gathering some slick before sliding them back up to your clit and rubbing it a bit faster, a bit harder, your moans growing louder and higher in pitch. With your free hand, you tug at the base of Sunghoon’s hair and make him look up at you. You release his hair and bring your pointer finger up to your mouth, sucking on it and swirling your tongue around it, and Sunghoon’s mind is taken back to that day a couple weeks ago when you had sucked on those lollipops. Oh, how things have changed since then. Not that he’s complaining. “Fuck, that’s hot,” he breathes out, eyes zeroed in on your lips and mouth slightly agape.

You smirk at his reaction, stomach on fire with the feeling of having this kind of power on him. When you’ve wet your finger enough, you bring it down to your slit, circling around your hole before entering it, releasing a loud moan for good measure. Sunghoon is mesmerized by the quickening with which your finger slips in and out of you, the fingers on your clit never relenting. He doesn’t even realize he’s released one of your thighs to palm himself over his shorts until you notice it yourself and tut in disapproval.

“Come and help me, Hoon,” you say, and the boy snaps out of his daze at the sound of his nickname. He nods slowly, changing his position so that he’s laying between your legs, head dangerously close to your core. You slip your other finger out of your hole and he takes that as a sign to replace it with his own. One hand still gripping your thigh, he imitates your previous actions as he gets his pointer finger wet with his saliva before pressing it between your folds, right underneath your clit where your fingers are still rubbing circles, sliding it down towards your slit, and finally pushing it in. 

“So warm… So wet, too,” he whispers in wonder, making you cover your eyes with your forearm out of shyness.

“Oh my God,” you moan, arching your back and letting your head drop to the side on the pillow. Sunghoon’s finger is much thicker and longer than your own, and it stretches you out and hits a deep spot inside you you never could, no matter how much you tried.

“Like this?” he asks, eyes curious as they bounce back and forth between your face and your entrance sucking his finger in.

“Yes, yes, just like that, you can also- oh- you can also curve it upwards a bit- fuck, yeah, just like that, Hoon, you’re doing so well,” you say, the praises just flying out of your mouth. 

This seems to instill some confidence in him, as he cocks an eyebrow at you and speeds up his actions. “Yeah? My finger making you feel good, Y/N?”

“Oh, shut up,” you bite back, but immediately let out a long whine when he easily inserts a second finger in your soaking pussy. He curves them inside you just like you told him to, and the feeling of his fingers filling you up and your own quick ones on your clit are creating a familiar knot in your stomach that is so close to breaking. That is, until Sunghoon pulls your wrist away from your clit.

“Y/N… Can I?” he asks, and you’re not sure what he’s planning, but nod anyway. He wastes no time before pressing his tongue flat down on the sensitive bud, and you actually feel like your soul might leave your body. Fingers knuckle-deep inside you, he licks and sucks at your clit, and the warmth of his tongue against your folds is what makes you tumble over the edge, tightly gripping his hair and bucking your hips into his mouth.

“Oh my God… Oh my God, Hoon, please, don’t stop, please,” you beg, voice getting higher and whinier as you cum all over his tongue. He continues eating you out until it gets too much and you have to tell him to stop. He hikes his body up yours, pecking you sweetly on the lips when he reaches them.

“Your turn,” you announce and hook your legs over his hips to straddle him. You’re about to lean in for a kiss when you notice how lovingly he’s looking at you: his eyes are soft and a small smile is playing on his lips. It takes you aback, but you’d be lying if you said butterflies didn’t spread in your stomach. “W-why are you looking at me like that?”

His grin gets a bit wider. “Did I make you feel good?”

“Y-yeah…,” you admit, averting your gaze from him.

“I’m glad. You taste good, by the way. Sweet.” You want to kiss the devilish smirk off of his face.

You scoff at your friend, glaring a bit. “Whatever. Sit up,” you order, but it just makes him smirk more.

“Yes, ma’am.”

You look up at him to check for confirmation, and when he nods, you hook your fingers under his swimming trunks, taking them off of him along with his boxers underneath. His already fully-hard cock springs free and slaps against his stomach, and you curse yourself for your reaction that will surely just inflate his ego, as if it wasn’t already massive. Your mouth hangs open, eyes zeroing in on his length, flushed red from lack of attention and what you can only guess is precum leaking at the tip. It's straight from a porno.

“Like what you see?” Sunghoon teases, making you look up at him, and you can only stupidly nod. You take the position he was in earlier, laying your head on his thigh and caressing the other, letting it ride up to rub his inner thigh and the tiniest bit over his cock, making his smirk vanish as he takes a shaky breath in.

“Show me how you do it,” you say, echoing his words from earlier. He gulps, finally realizing that he was going to have to masturbate in front of your curious eyes just as you had. He spits on his open palm and spreads the precum over his length with his thumb, lubing himself up before gripping the base and starting to move his hand up and down. You watch as his head falls back against the pillow when his palm grazes over his tip and his movements pick up some speed.

You rub his palms over his thighs, itching to get closer to his cock and make him feel as good as he had done to you earlier. Tentatively, you reach out to grab his balls in your hands, massaging them softly, feeling satisfied when a loud moan leaves his throat. “Oh, f-fuck, that feels good, Y/N,” he breathes out, voice much higher than you’re used to. If he thought that felt good, then nothing could’ve prepared him for the feeling of your soft and warm tongue kitty-licking his balls, then taking turns sucking each one into your mouth and releasing them with a pop. “Where the fuck did you learn how to do that?” he asks, involuntarily bucking his hips into your face.

You can’t help but giggle, and Sunghoon thinks he might come from the sweet sound contrasted with your lewd actions alone. “I read a lot of fanfiction,” you explain, and he doesn’t question it. If Wattpad taught you how to suck dick, then so be it.

You wrap your hand around his and tell him to keep going so you can get an idea of what pace and movements he likes, and you graze your fingernails over his abs and chest with your other hand, chuckling at how sensitive he is when you lightly pinch his nipples. Sunghoon takes his hand off of himself, laying both of his hands palms up next to him on the bed, so you decide to literally take things into your own hands. Trying to recreate what he did before, you spit into your palm and wrap your fingers around his tip, bringing your hand down in a swirly motion to the base of his shaft. You do that a few times, asking, “Like that?” to get confirmation from Sunghoon.

“Just like that, baby,” he says, not even taking notice of the pet name; but you do, and your face immediately flushes, surprised at how much you like it.

“Baby?” you repeat, but he’s too lost in his pleasure and just hums in response. His reaction eggs you on, and you lick a long stripe from his base to his tip, swirling your tongue around it and humming at the bitter but not unpleasant taste of precum there. When another moan escapes his throat, you take his tip in your mouth, at first just shallowly thrusting your head, but then trying to take more and more of him. 

You’re so focused on what you’re doing that you don’t even realize how quickly he’s panting and how his grunts start to get whinier until he’s moaning out your name. “A-ah, Y/N, feels so good, ‘m gonna cum, fuck-”

He goes silent as he shoots his release down your throat, eyebrows deeply furrowed and mouth open wide in pleasure. There’s so much of it and you can’t swallow it all, so you pull your head back, catching your breath, and a hot string of cum hits your chin and your throat. Sunghoon takes a look at you and the sight of you with some of his cum makes his dick twitch before he plops back down on the bed. You giggle as you take tissues from the bedside table (cause of course he’s got tissues next to his bed) and wipe away his seed, then lie down next to him, brushing away the hair that’s sticking to his forehead with sweat and peppering his face with soft kisses.

He opens his eyes and smiles, turning his head to look at you before engulfing you in a bear hug, sweaty bodies sticking together but neither of you minding it. “That was so good, Y/N. What the fuck,” he sighs, pecking your forehead.

You hum, nuzzling your nose into his neck. “I know, right? Who knew you could use your mouth for other things than saying stupid shit,” you tease.

He pulls back and gives you a look that tries to be stern, but you know he’s joking. “Do I need to remind you again, young lady?”

You giggle and peck his lips, forcing him out of character as his dimples appear on his cheeks. “Later, definitely.”

And after that day, he makes sure to remind you time and time again of how good his mouth feels on you. You should’ve seen it coming with how amazing of a kisser he was; but truly, there was nothing like cumming on your friend’s tongue.

--

You’re relieved to find that not much has changed, after all; you and Sunghoon still play around in the pool, watch stupid movies and hang out with your friends like always. Sure, there are stray hands here and there, or looks that last a little too long and mean a little too much, but if anything, it just makes your friendship more playful and exciting. 

You’re both open with what you like and don’t like, so it doesn’t take either of you to figure out exactly how to make the other come undone embarrassingly quickly. (The shortest amount of time it took him was 2:38 seconds - yes, he timed it - and he hasn’t let you live it down since.) You like it when he presses his large hand down onto your lower tummy while he eats you out, or when he sits you between his legs and whispers all sorts of things as his fingers work their magic inside you and on your clit. He likes it when you get down on your knees in front of him and look up at him as you suck him dry, or when you sit in his lap and kiss his neck and play with his hair while he plays video games. And don’t even get him started on when you palmed him over his sweatpants while you watched a movie with Chaeyong, Jay and Jake, making sure that the movements under the blanket went unnoticed by them. He wanted to punish you after they left, he really did, but you took him in your mouth right there in the living room and gave him an orgasm that had his thighs shaking for five minutes afterwards. You were pretty proud of yourself for that one. 

You also find out that he hates it when you tease and edge him, which only makes you do it more; the only problem is that, if you do that, he’ll make you ride his thigh and won’t help you at all. His proud smirk and snide praises combined with the feeling of his thick thigh underneath your core were more than enough to get you to your end, though.

And truly, nothing has changed, especially not Sunghoon’s special talent in pushing boys away from you.

“What do you mean, Lee Heeseung is coming back?” he heatedly asks, slamming his glass of lemonade down on the outdoor table so hard you’re scared it might break.

“It’s the summer, of course he’s coming back. He just stayed behind for a bit to enjoy a few weeks of the city without college, and now he’s coming back here,” Jake explains, shrugging.

“Do you know when he’ll be here?” you ask, far too much excitement in your voice to Sunghoon’s taste.

“Just in a couple days.”

Sunghoon has smoke coming out of his ears when he sees how much you perk up at the news of your old crush being back in town for summer. He likes the boy, but he hates that you like him. And since Heeseung is friends with Jay, Jake, and by association Sunghoon, begrudgingly so, he’ll definitely see lots of him in the upcoming months. And if Sunghoon sees Heeseung, then you’ll see Heeseung, too. And that, Sunghoon doesn’t like.

You notice something is off with him that afternoon because of how uncharacteristically quiet he is. Sunghoon, ever the loud introvert, is always arguing for no reason and laughing louder than everybody around him. So when he merely chuckles at his friends’ numerous displays of stupidity in the pool and doesn’t even say anything in protest to you getting on Jake’s shoulders to play against Chaeyoung and Jay, you know something is definitely up. You also have a good idea of what that something might be, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t find it endearing.

You stay behind when your friends leave in the early evening. Without a word, you and Sunghoon pack away the inflatable toys in the pool cabin and clean up the table, putting the dirty glasses in the sink. You do the dishes while he prepares sandwiches for the two of you, which he insisted on doing after he heard your stomach grumbling. You watch the latest Kurtis Conner video as you eat and can’t help but notice that he doesn’t even chuckle at any of the jokes or skits when he’d usually be clutching his stomach in laughter. 

When you’re done eating, you take a resolute breath and pause the video, but Sunghoon doesn’t even notice, only snapping out of his daze when you call out his name.

“Huh?” When his eyes find you, he almost looks surprised to see you, as if he’d forgotten you were there.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?” you ask, slightly frowning. “You look so out of it today.”

“Huh? I’m fine, nothing’s wrong,” he says dismissively and presses play, but you quickly pause the video again.

“I’m your best friend, Sunghoon, I know when something’s the matter and I know when you’re lying. We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to, but don’t pretend everything’s fine when we both know that’s not true.”

He peers at you for a moment, cursing you for knowing him so well. He crosses his arm and averts his gaze, pouting like an angry child. “I hate it when you’re right.”

You giggle and make your way around the counter to him, standing inbetween his legs and wrapping your arms around his neck to make him look up at you. His hands come naturally up to your waist. “I just…” he starts, then immediately stops himself with a sigh., “You’ve always had a crush on Heeseung. But these are our last couple months together, and I don’t want somebody else taking up your attention…”

He buries his face between your breasts to hide his blush, and you can’t help but giggle again. “Stop laughing at me!” he protests, but the muffled sound of his voice just makes you laugh more. You stroke his hair and press a gentle kiss at the top of his head.

“Sure, I’m happy Heeseung’s coming back. But there’s no one I’d rather spend my summer with than you, Sunghoon, you should know that.” He leans back to look up at you with puppy eyes and a small pout. You cup his face, admiring how cute he looks like this, and smile softly down at him.

“Really?”

“Really,” you answer, and he leans in for a kiss.

It’s a soft one. It’s a patient kiss, neither of you urging to get somewhere else, to do something more. It reminds you of that kiss in his room a few weeks ago, when you were still curious and discovering each other. From then on, your kisses had become more feverish, more eager, more playful. But now, you’re taking your time. For now at least, neither of you is going anywhere. So your lips melt together slowly, and when you take breaks to breathe, you look each other in the eyes and smile before leaning back in.

It’s when you sigh against his lips, eyes still closed as you pull away, that it hits him. I could do this forever, he thinks.

I could sit here with my arms around her waist and her lips against mine and the smell of chlorine and the sound of her laugh forever and I’d never get tired of it, he thinks, but immediately afterwards, he realizes he won’t get to do this forever. Summer will end, you’ll both head off to college, and you’ll only get to see each other every few months until another summer comes. And who knows what might happen until then?

You might meet someone and realize Sunghoon isn’t all that; hell, he might meet someone, but he highly doubts anyone could even come close to the way you make him feel.

“Hello? Earth to Sunghoon?” you quietly joke, looking down at him with an affectionate look in your eyes. You press the pads of your fingers to his two moles before replacing your fingers with your lips, giving each one a quick peck. “You were up on the moon for a minute there.”

Sunghoon hums softly, smiling as he lets himself melt under your touch. “Sorry. It’s just really hot, isn’t it?” he says, a stupid excuse he uses as a blanket to cover his feelings. There is some sweat beading at his hairline, which helps make his lie more believable, but you don’t need to know it’s not just because of the summer heat.

Slowly, your smile turns mischievous, and Sunghoon can tell you have an idea in mind. “It is pretty hot… Wait here.”

He watches as you fill a tall glass with ice from the dispenser in the fridge and pop an ice cube in your mouth, a devilish smile on your face, and laughs when that smile is replaced with a frown as the coldness hits you and you spit it back into the glass, laughing along with him. “What the hell are you doing?” he asks between giggles.

“I got the idea a few days ago when we were having popsicles…,” you say looking down at the glass between your hands, slightly embarrassed. “You kissed me and your mouth was really cold but it felt nice.” Sunghoon hums, egging you to go on. You lift the glass up to his cheeks, applying just a bit of pressure to the soft skin. “I thought this could be refreshing.” 

You take the ice cube back in your mouth, sucking on it but not letting it melt completely before pressing your lips against Sunghoon’s and opening your mouth just a bit so he could feel the cold of the ice cube. You feel his smile into the kiss as the ice cube swirls between your tongues, sending shivers down your spine. 

“Very refreshing indeed,” he murmurs when the ice has completely melted. He gets up and takes the glass in one of his hands, leaning down to your level and says “C’mon” with the same mischievous smile as you on his face.

You two hurry up the stairs, and when you get to his room, he hands you the glass before throwing himself on his back, laying on his back with his hands behind his head. “Show me what you had in mind.”

You straddle his hips and take an ice cube from the glass, rubbing it over his lips before pushing it inside his mouth, the cold making him hiss. You quickly counteract that by pressing your lips to his, the contrast of your warm tongue and the freezing ice turning him on more than he would’ve thought.

When the ice has melted, you take another piece and brush it along his jaw, down his Adam’s apple and around his nipples. The cold temperature makes him squirm but he doesn’t shy away from it, even closing his eyes to focus solely on the feeling. While you play with the ice cube, you also leave warm kisses all over his skin, reveling in its slightly salty taste from the thin layer of sweat. You let the ice cube melt between his abs and watch him wriggle as he sucks in a sharp breath, then grab another one, starting off where the previous one stopped. You circle his navel while your fingers play with the hem of his swimming trunks. He pulls them down himself and you chuckle at his eagerness. “I should’ve known you liked the cold, with all those years of ice skating you did,” you tease.  

He’s almost fully hard, and it only takes a few kisses and trailing the ice cube down his inner thighs to have his dick fully erect. He’d only been letting out small sighs and hisses until now, but when you grab another ice cube and circle it around his sensitive tip, he throws his head back into the pillows and moans loudly. You push your luck and drag the ice cube down his shaft, his thighs snapping together when it reaches his balls. You put it in your mouth and let it melt so that your tongue is still cold when you swirl it around his tip, already tasting precum there. But before you can take him further in your mouth, he calls out your name.

“Wait. I don’t wanna cum just yet. My turn.”

He shakes his shoulders in excitement as you switch positions, you taking your t-shirt and bikini top off and laying on your back and him sitting down with one knee on each side of your thighs, an ice cube in his hand and a giddy smile on his face.

He brushes it over your lips before pushing it just a bit into your mouth, holding onto it with two fingers while you suck on it, gazes locked in each other. Just as you did earlier, he trails it down your throat and your chest until they reach your nipples, marveling at the thin wet trail it leaves in its wake. He licks this trail as he circles one of your nipples with the ice cube, and you don’t know if you should focus on his warm tongue or on the cold ice cube. Once it’s melted, he takes another one and circles your other nipple with it, his mouth coming to wrap around the now cold one. Your hands fly up to grab at his hair, your back arching into his touch as you moan and pant loudly.

He sucks and licks at your nipples until you’re calling out his name, begging for more. As nice as his mouth or an ice cube around your nipples feel, your pussy is throbbing and desperate for attention. “Sunghoon… Please,” you whine.

“Please what?” he teases, looking up from your breasts with a smirk.

You whine again, knowing he knows full well what you want. “Please…”

He trails the ice cube down your stomach, circling your navel a few times where it melts before slipping two cold fingers underneath your bikini bottoms. “Is this what you want, baby?,” he asks as he rubs his fingers between his folds, and you whine at the feeling of having him so close to your hole and to your clit but not quite there either. He smirks when you nod frantically but whine at the loss of his fingers against you as he takes your bottoms off and reaches for another ice cube.

You release a loud moan and arch your back off the bed when the ice cube touches your clit. “Fuck, Hoon!”

He rubs the ice cube up and down your folds, your heat melting it much faster than your skin. He takes another one and brings it to your entrance this time, circling around it before pushing the ice cube in and staring with wonder as it melts quickly. He holds your hips down so you stop bucking them up, whimpering at the amazing feeling of the ice against you. He replaces the ice cube with his fingers inside of you and his tongue on your clit, sucking expertly at the sensitive bud and lapping at your juices. And while it feels good - God, does it feel good - and you let Sunghoon know just how nice it feels with your moans, whispers of his names and the way you hold onto his hair, you’re craving something more.

It’s something you’ve been wanting for the past few days, but you couldn’t quite put your finger on it. No matter how nice Sunghoon’s fingers and mouth felt, they didn’t make you feel close to him enough. You wanted to be so close to him you didn’t know where you ended and where he started; you wanted to feel him. 

You pull him up by the face, asking him to come here and getting lost in his lips as soon as they reach your level. God, Sunghoon’s kisses. You could drown in them. But still, that craving, that need for more. And now that his body is pressed up against yours and you can feel his erection against your thigh, so close to your core, you think you know what it is that you want. “Hmm, please…”

“You keep asking me for something, but you don’t tell me what it is.”

“You. I want you, Hoon, please,” you beg, murmuring against his lips as you wrap your legs around his hips and bring him even closer, his cock now pressing against your cunt.

“M-me?,” he asks, leaning back just a bit, but you pull him back in right away, resting his forehead against yours.

“Yes, please. I need to feel you inside me.”

Your words are enough to get a moan out of Sunghoon. “Fuck, you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this,” he pants, planting kisses all over your face and neck. Usually, you’d giggle at the ticklish sensation, but right now, you’re so drunk on pleasure, it just makes your breath even shallower and your core wetter.

“How long?”

“God. Since the second time we kissed probably,” he replies, reaching for a condom in the drawer of his bedside table. You think back to that moment six weeks ago (how has it been six weeks already?, you think), after you and Sunghoon had made up and made out on his couch in front of a horror movie. He’d wanted you for that long? And he’d waited for you to say something since then?

“Today’s your lucky day, then,” you tease in an attempt to alleviate the need for him that takes over your bones, but his gaze when he looks back at you ruins any effort. If anything, it just makes you need him even more. You feel like you might explode if you don’t have him right now.

You watch as he clumsily wraps the condom around his member, clearly never having done this before, but you wouldn’t be of any help, so you let him figure it out on his own. You let your head fall back as he rubs his tip up and down your folds, gathering your slick on his dick before aligning himself at your entrance and giving you a long, deep kiss.

“Are you sure about this?” he asks, forehead on yours.

“Yeah. Are you?”

“Yeah, I am. But I’m also scared.”

“Scared of what, Hoon?” you ask, opening your eyes to look at him. You caress his cheek and cup his face in your hands, watching softly as he lets his head rest on your palm.

“I’m scared of hurting you. I heard it hurts the first time. And I’m scared…” he closes his eyes and frowns a bit. “I’m scared it’ll feel too good. That I’ll always want it. You.”

You take a small moment to think, your thumb brushing over his cheek in what you hope is a comforting manner. “You won’t hurt me, Hoon. It only hurts if you’re not ready… And I’m plenty ready. I know you’ll take it slow.” You smile softly when he nods, turning his head to kiss your palm. But if sex is as good as you’ve heard it is, you’re also scared that it might be the best thing you’ve ever experienced and that you’ll never get enough. You and Sunghoon have been meeting up almost everyday this summer and it has more often than not ended up with one of you between the other’s legs; you could never get bored of the things he made you feel or of knowing you were making him feel those exact same things. If you couldn’t live without his fingers, how could you live without his dick?

How could you live without him?

You tried to snap out of those thoughts, reassuring yourself that even before all of this you couldn’t imagine yourself living without Sunghoon, and that there was no reason this should change anything. “And don’t be scared of that, silly,” you say, making him smile. “I’ll always be here, Sunghoon. I’ll always want you, too.” 

“Fuck, okay,” he whispers, kissing your lips once before pulling himself up on his palms, hovering over you. “Tell me if you need me to stop, yeah?” he asks and waits for you to nod before finally pushing in.

You instantly moan when you feel his tip inside you, and Sunghoon stops, frantically asking if you’re okay. It takes some convincing to get him to push himself further in. “It feels so good, Hoon. Please keep going.”

You tell him to not stop until he’s fully inside you, and he obeys, even though he wants to stop when he sees your frown and your sharp intakes of breath. When he’s buried to a hilt, he can’t help but collapse on top of you, burying his face in your neck and wrapping his arms tightly around your waist. “Y/N,” he drawls out. “Feels so fucking good. So tight,” he murmurs against your neck.

“Mmh. Give me a minute, baby.” Your hands caress up and down the expanse of his back and you feel him relax on top of you. As you adjust around his length, the stretch starts to feel more and more pleasurable, until pleasure is the only thing you feel. “Hoon?”

“Yeah?” he says, kissing and nibbling softly at your neck and earlobe.

“You can move, now.”

Sunghoon doesn’t need to be told twice and ever-so-slowly slides out of you, leaving only the tip in before he slides back in. His thrusts are slow but deep, and it’s everything you’ve ever wanted and more. He’s barely started but you’re both already whimpering messes, holding onto each other tightly as pleasure like neither of you has felt before takes over your entire bodies.

As you both get more comfortable, his pace picks up just a tiny bit and you tentatively raise your legs higher so that they’re hooked around the back of his knees instead of laying on the bed. The new angle only adds to the intense pleasure, but you don’t even realize you’re crying until Sunghoon stops mid-thrust, wiping your tears with his thumb and worryingly asking if you’re okay and if it hurts and if he should stop. You open your eyes and smile, instantly calming his nerves. You bring his head closer to yours and kiss him like you’d stop breathing if you didn’t. “It feels so fucking good, Hoon. So, so good.”

He sighs out of relief and resumes his actions, heart swelling with pride that he’s making you feel so good, you’re crying. He’s always hated seeing you cry or hurt in general; but knowing what kind of tears these are, he thinks you look so pretty with tears streaming down your face. His hands grip your thighs a bit tighter as he quickens his pace, already addicted to the feeling of your warm walls taking him in so well.

He slips out a few times but you’re always quick to guide him back inside you. He lifts his body up a bit to get a deeper angle, hoping it’ll get him to stop slipping out, and he’s blown away by the sight underneath him. He thinks you’ve never looked so gorgeous as you do now, legs spread wide for him, cheeks flushed, brows furrowed and mouth agape for him. He kisses your tears, the salty taste bringing a smile to his lips. “So perfect,” he whispers against your mouth. “You look so beautiful.”

Sunghoon takes your legs and wraps them higher around his hips, the new angle hitting a spot inside you that’s making you see stars and has you moaning his name like it’s the only thing you know how to say. You feel that familiar tension build up inside your stomach much faster and much stronger than it usually does.

“Fuck, Sunghoon, I’m gonna cum,” you warn, and a harsher thrust inside you is what pushes you over the edge, the sensation crashing into you and making your thighs shake. An orgasm has never hit you this hard before.

You’re clenching around him like crazy and Sunghoon gasps as you milk him dry, his own orgasm hitting him all at once. He shoots his release inside the condom and stills inside you, breath completely taken away by the sudden, overwhelming sensation.

He lays on top of you for a moment as you both catch your breaths, trying to make sense of how something can feel this good without killing you instantly. He apologizes when his pulling out makes you wince and kisses the top of your head. He rolls onto his back, pulling you with him so that you’re now almost lying on top of him, head against his chest as his arms wrap themselves around you. You leave kisses all over his chest and neck and his hands caress your back.

“That was amazing.”

“I know, right?” he responds immediately, his enthusiasm making you laugh.

“Thanks, Hoon,” you say timidly, voice muffled against his skin.

“For what?”

“For making me feel this good.”

He chuckles. “No need to thank me, pretty. If anything, I should thank you for letting me make you feel good, and on top of that making me feel good.”

You hum at his words and you both stay there for a bit longer, enjoying each other’s warmth. Something blooms inside your chest, and you don’t know whether to let it grow or to squash it down. It feels nice, almost too nice, and you’re scared it might get ripped away from you and it won’t feel so nice then.

Friendship, sex, love. In those weeks spent with Sunghoon, those previously clear lines have blurred to a point they were all one big messy ball of feelings and not three distinct things you could tell apart. Has sex turned your friendship with Sunghoon into something romantic? Or is that just an illusion, and being so intimate with your best friend has messed up your once platonic vision of him? But was your vision of him ever platonic?

Haven't the two of you always been teased about liking each other for a reason? After all, you and Sunghoon didn't grow up together, and he’s never felt like a brother to you. He has always been your male friend; you’ve always been aware that he was your friend who was also a boy. When you'd moved in the house next to his, you hadn’t instantly clicked; it took a while for the ice skating prodigy to warm up to you, but his parents had warmly welcomed yours into the neighborhood and quickly became friends, so it was only a matter of time before he’d open up to the idea of you being around. Constantly.

You’d walk to and from school together, do homework together, go on family trips together, cheer each other on at your respective competitions. After his ice skating lessons, when his coach let him have the whole place to himself for a bit more practice, he’d tie your ice skates for you and drag you onto the ice rink, holding you by the waist or shoulders as he skated backwards in front of you, but also laughing at you when you inevitably fell. He’d tease you for getting second place at the science fair or for getting your arguments torn apart during Model United Nations, but the way he’d be a little nicer to you or share his food more often that week wouldn’t escape you.

Being a handsome young ice skater, Sunghoon had developed quite the loyal following of boys and girls alike who would come to see him at his competitions. He thrived off of the attention, but no matter how much he enjoyed his fans’ admiration, you were always the one he’d skate to after having won first place, hugging you tightly over the barrier separating the ice from the bleachers. Especially during your younger teen years, Sunghoon wasn’t one for skinship or PDA, so it always meant that much more to you that even after his most important wins, you were the first thing on his mind. It never failed to make your stomach flip, and all the death stares from his fans in the world couldn’t have changed a thing.

You were already close, but you became practically inseparable after Sunghoon’s injury. During the competition that would have gotten him a place at the Youth Winter Olympics had he won, his nerves got the best of him and he didn’t land his triple axel, hurting his ankle in the process. Ten years of dedication and hard work, ruined in mere seconds. To say that it destroyed him would be an understatement.

You were the one to bring him back up. You listened to him when he needed to vent, held him when he needed a shoulder to cry on, cheered him up when he needed to smile. He didn’t even need to tell you what he needed, you seemed to just know. You reminded him that he had a lot more value than his medals and trophies and that he didn’t need them to be complete. His family and friends tried their best to make him feel better, but their words never reached him quite like yours did.

Slowly but surely, his confidence came back. He’d lost his fans, but he’d gained a friend he knew would always be there for him. His dimples would appear more often, his laugh would resonate louder. His injury had made the two of you grow closer, creating a bond that would only strengthen over time.

And yet there were moments when being friends wasn’t enough. When calling him your best friend didn’t feel right. You had other friends, friends you were close to; sure, maybe not as close as to Sunghoon, but close nonetheless. And you didn’t feel that way around them.

Their laugh didn’t make your heart skip a beat. You didn’t want to bury your face in their necks and breathe in their scent when they hugged you. You didn’t want to know every single detail of their day. And you surely didn’t feel a pang of jealousy in your chest when they danced with another girl at your school ball.

You also didn’t crave their lips on yours every single day since it had happened for the first time and didn’t want to see what they sounded or looked like while getting the life sucked out of them through their dick.

Everybody told you it was obvious you were ‘more than friends.’ Why did romantic love have to be ‘more’ than platonic love? Why were there levels to it? You didn’t like the idea of taking your relationship with Sunghoon ‘one step further’; that wasn’t the way it felt to you. Rather, it felt like having to change everything you knew and create something new. Something where you could see him laugh and tell him about your day, but where you could also kiss him and graze his skin with your fingertips. Something that only you could share with him and only he could share with you. But you were afraid the friendship would fall apart if things didn't work out. So, instead of taking the risk of changing everything, you made sure things would stay the same. You’d tell the butterflies raging in your stomach to settle down and you wouldn’t let yourself fall into his touch in case it’d be like falling from the highest mountain.

That is, until he kissed you. Until this moment, right now, lying in his arms, ear right over his heart so you can hear it beat for you. You look up at him. His eyes are closed and a soft smile rests on his lips. He looks so peaceful. He always looks pleased when you’ve just been together, but right now, he seems to be in such a serene state, it almost makes you laugh.

Now that you’ve given in to your feelings, you’ve realized just how strong they were this whole time. Nothing has ever felt better than being in Sunghoon’s arms, than being able to see him at his most vulnerable state and to give all of you to him. All those things you didn’t know about him just six weeks ago, you know them by heart now. You’re sure there’s other things to find out, and you’ll make sure you will.

But summer won’t last forever.

A wave of sadness slaps you right in the face, bringing you back to reality. There’ll come a time where you and Sunghoon won’t be able to lounge around all day or lazily make-out at your will. You’ll go your own ways and not see each other for months at a time. The thought of that is unbearable, and you feel like looking at Sunghoon for a second longer might rip your heart into a million pieces.

When you sit up, tearing yourself away from his grip, he immediately opens his eyes, asking what’s wrong.

“Just need to go to the bathroom. I heard you can get STIs from not peeing after sex,” you half-lie. He nods and falls back into the bed. 

You rush to the toilet, needing to get far away from Sunghoon as quickly as possible. Even your pee smells different - guess that’s what having a dick inside you will do to you. You wash your hands and look in the mirror: your skin is darker in some spots, surely Sunghoon’s work. So not only did he mess with your thoughts, he also had to make your body all weird, too?

You splash your face with cold water, hoping it will bring you back to your senses. You and Sunghoon have been best friends for years. There’s no point in changing all of that now, is there? You’ll be leaving soon enough, anyway. Why ruin a perfectly fine friendship for a summer fling?

Those are your thoughts as you head back to Sunghoon’s bedroom, ready to tell him that this whole thing was a mistake and you should just pretend it never happened. But your resolve crumbles at your feet as soon as you step inside the room.

Sunghoon’s got a couple of snacks ready as he browses through Netflix in search of an appropriate movie. “How about Twilight?” he says when he feels the bed dip under your weight next to him. He kisses your forehead and pulls you down on the bed with him so that you’re lying back against his chest.

Screw it, you think. Whatever this is, it’s much more than a summer fling.

--

The rest of the summer goes by in a flash. No, you don’t try to make Sunghoon jealous by flirting with Heeseung; if the mention of the latter’s name was enough to get your friend mad, then purposefully twirling your hair or batting your eyelashes at the older boy just might make Sunghoon white-boy-punch a hole into a wall. And it’s not like Heeseung would try coming onto you, either, with how clingy Sunghoon gets when he’s around, always an arm around your waist and a glare that could kill Heeseung.

Sunghoon gradually opens up to Heeseung being around, even though it takes you reminding him almost daily that he’s the one whose arms you wanna end up in over anybody’s. After a couple weeks, Sunghoon stops looking like he's on the brink of starting a fight every time Heeseung so much as talks to you or hands you a glass of lemonade, and finally relaxes around him.

You spend countless sleepless nights with Sunghoon. You’ve probably memorized every single one of his moles by now, and you’ve made sure to kiss all of them. He holds you against him like he might lose you at any given moment. The only nights you don’t fall asleep in each other’s embrace are when either one of you is sleeping over at your friend’s house. On those nights, sleep always takes hours before washing over you, the lack of warmth keeping you awake.

Your friends and you spend entire days at the lake or by Sunghoon’s pool, not a care in the world. You rest your head on Sunghoon’s shoulder as you watch the fireworks Jake and Jay bought go off. Sunghoon grills your marshmallows for you, blowing on them so they cool down before handing you the stick. You try to ignore how the night air gets slightly chillier and how the sun sets slightly earlier, but by the last days of August, it becomes too noticeable. When September rolls around, you’re sure there’s a small crack in your heart.

You know Sunghoon feels the end of summer too. His kisses are deeper and his lips linger over yours a second longer. He frowns when he kisses you and hugs you, like he’s trying to remember what it feels like. His usual playful demeanor when you’re in bed together is gone, instead seemingly hellbent on making you feel good and almost begging you to say his name. As if you could say any other name. As if you could say anything else.

Neither of you mention your departure until the night before you leave. After spending the evening with your friends, you lie together in bed, the side of your face resting against his chest so you can feel his heart against your ear. He’s tracing patterns with his fingertips on your back, and it takes you a while to figure out he’s spelling his name over and over again, as if to etch it in your skin. When, once in a while, he takes his hand off of you to reach for his phone, you can still feel his fingers caressing you, ghostlike against your skin.

The air around you feels heavy, pressing the both of you down into the mattress. You wish the bed would eat you alive so you could stay there, warm against each other, as long as you like. You know you can’t leave without talking first, but the words won’t come to you. Instead, they float around the bed, weighing your heart down into your stomach.

“So,” you start. You're unsure what to say, but you know this conversation has to happen, one way or another. In the end, you settle on, “Excited to leave?”

Sunghoon scoffs lightly, his motions on your back coming to a stop. “Not really, no. It’s not like I’m leaving that far, and half of our school is going to our uni.”

“Maybe, but there’ll be tons of other people. Tons of other girls, too,” you add after a short pause.

“Don’t do this, Y/N, please.”

You sit up at his words. He covers his eyes with his forearm and takes a deep breath in, sensing an incoming argument. “Do what?”

“This. Getting mad at me when I haven’t done anything.”

“I’m not mad at you,” you protest, frowning down at him.

“No? Then what’s this?” he says, smoothing down the lines between your eyebrows and on your forehead with the pad of a finger.

“Whatever.” You nudge your head away from his touch. It burns. “It’s not like I’m wrong, anyway. You’re gonna have a bunch of girls at your feet, and you’ll know what to do with them, right? Now that you’re not a virgin?” you question, avoiding his gaze.

“Y/N…” he sighs, shutting his eyes tighter as if in pain.

“What? This was the whole reason why, right? Get experience with me so you could fuck girls better, no?”

“Y/N!” he says, raising his voice enough to let you know he’s upset but not enough to scare you. He sits up, looking at you with hurt and disbelief in his eyes. “What’s this all of a sudden? It’s not like I forced you into this! We agreed on it together!”

“So you agree? That this summer was just about getting experience and now you’ll use it on other girls and pretend like we,” you gesture between the two of you, “never happened?”

“What do you mean ‘agree’? I never said any of this! Don’t put words into my mouth!”

He watches as you get up from the bed, arms crossed and pacing his room. He calls out to you a few times, but you don’t stop to look at him until he speaks your name with a sternness you’ve never heard before from him. “What?” you snap.

“I don’t get why you’re acting like this out of nowhere! We both knew summer was gonna end at some point, and why we were doing this! Why are you blaming me now?”

“Because… because…” you sigh, scrambling for an excuse. Why were you doing this? The thought of Sunghoon doing what he did to you to another girl, making her feel as good as he had made you feel, kissing her like he had kissed you, made you sick. It made you see red, it made you want to make him wear a shirt with your face on it so everybody knew he was yours.

Sunghoon gets up and stands close in front of you, too close. You close your eyes. If you see his moles, you might reach out to touch them and let yourself fall even more. If you fall, you’ll need to get up, but his scent makes your knees weak.

His hands find your face, holding a little too gently, you think. Your small ones wrap around his wrists and grip them, a little too harshly, he thinks. 

You take a step back and finally look into his eyes. There’s hope in them; hope you’ll say what he wants, what he needs to hear. That you want him like he wants you. That you wish summer wasn’t over. That you’ll keep him in your heart until you can see him again. So, when what you say next is none of the above, he feels his heart sink down to his feet, leaving a murky puddle there.

“I can’t do this.”

You rush out of the room, practically running home. You fight your tears back until you slam your bedroom behind you, pathetically sinking to the ground as you let out a loud sob. You don't have the energy to get up, and cry into your hoodie's sleeve right there on the floor.

When you’ve calmed down a bit, you get up and lay in your bed, hiding your whole body underneath the covers. Maybe this is for the best, you think. If you end it like this, you won’t have the knowledge of whether he’ll wait to have you back or he’ll move on like nothing happened. That way, you can do whatever you want, not caring about what he’s up to. 

But even now, your hands subconsciously reach out towards a person that’s not there and your feet hang over the edge of your bed as though to get up and run to him anytime. You curl in on yourself to stop your body from aching for him. It doesn’t work very well.

Sunghoon stays where you left him for a few minutes, too stunned to move. Should he run after you? Should he let you cool off for a bit and talk to you in the morning? Would you be mad at him if he didn’t try to see you now or would the mere sight of him just make you angrier? He plops down on his bed as these questions run through his mind, butting into each other and making everything more confusing. 

He thinks back on everything that led to this, and his mind settles on that day a few days after graduation where his thoughts had dropped to the lowest pits of hell. If only you hadn’t brought those two damned lollipops.

--

The next morning, Sunghoon wakes up as if somebody had slapped him awake. He doesn’t bother to brush his teeth or eat anything before running over to your house, almost forgetting to put shoes on. He finds you in your room, packing the last of your things into an already full suitcase. He stands at your door, panting as his hands rest on his knees.

“You haven’t left yet. Thank God.”

“God, Hoon. It’s not that far between your house and mine. How are you so out of breath,” you say, glancing at him from the corner of your eye.

He walks to you and kneels in front of you, taking you in his arms before you can say anything. “Talk to me, please. Don’t leave like this. I’d never forgive myself if you left and you were mad at me, Y/N.”

You thought you’d cried so much last night that there was not a single drop of water left in your body, but you thought wrong. Your eyes immediately well up at his words, and he leans back when he hears a soft sniffle escaping you. Only then does he notice how puffy your eyes from all your crying.

“No, no… Have you been crying? I’m so sorry, pretty, please don’t cry,” he pouts, pulling you back into his embrace. It hasn’t even been half a day, but you missed his warmth so much, it only makes you cry harder.

After sobbing against his chest, possibly staining his shirt in the process, you pull away and in your light-headed, dehydrated state, spill your heart out. “It’s so stupid,” you sob. “We’re not gonna see each other for months and I’m gonna miss you so much and I don’t want you to be with other girls. I want you all to myself and I don’t want to be your friend that you fucked for a summer just so you could get experience, it was a stupid idea in the first place, if you wanted to kiss me, you should’ve just kissed me. But you didn’t just kiss me and now I’m scared that this all meant nothing to you but everything to me and that I don’t want to be friends anymore but you do and I’m mad that it took me all summer to say this even though I’ve known it for years but I didn’t want to admit it to myself but also you didn’t say anything and I’m mad about that too. Because there’s no way you don’t feel like I do but maybe you actually don’t and-”

Whatever you were about to say dies out against Sunghoon’s lips as he presses his lips to yours, interrupting your rambling. He pulls away, looking at you with a huge, stupid grin. He’s so stupid, you think. I love him so much.

“Fucking hell, Y/N. I’ve been waiting for you to say this so bad, you have no idea.”

You punch his chest, frowning at him. Those stupid tears won’t stop. Everything is so stupid. “Then why didn’t you say it first?”

“Because I didn’t know how to. You know I’m bad with words. And I was scared it’d make things weird.”

“I don’t want things to be weird,” you pout.

“I don’t want things to be weird, either. I want things to be nice and happy.”

You giggle. “That’s so stupid.”

“Right? It’s so stupid,” he repeats, kissing you again.

“Your breath smells,” you complain when he pulls away.

“And you have tears on your lips. Tastes salty,” he teases.

“Yeah, thanks to who?”

“Sorry.” He smiles and kisses you again. He holds you against him for a while, enjoying this last moment together. As long as he can see a smile on your face before you leave, he’ll be fine.

“I’m gonna miss you so much too, Y/N. And forget about those non-existent girls. There’s no one I’d rather be with than you.”

“How do you know? You haven’t met any of them yet,” you say, voice muffled against his t-shirt.

“I’ve met other girls before. None of them compare to you,” he says, and you immediately gag at how cliché it sounds. “What?! It’s true,” he giggles.

“You’re not gonna go and date a random guy, are you?”

“Of course not. None of them compare to you,” you say, lowering your voice to imitate his.

He helps you finish packing, and when you’re done, you lay together on your bed, not saying much because not much needs to be said. Your parents struggle to tear you away from each other and from your bed when it’s time to leave. He helps your dad put your baggage in the trunk of his car, telling you to not lift a finger so you watch him go to and from the car, leaving a kiss on your forehead every time he walks past you. You notice with a smile that he doesn’t carry much at once, making him have to go back-and-forth quite often.

After saying goodbye to your family, your dad waits in the car as you and Sunghoon hang back awkwardly, kicking small pebbles on the pavement. He takes your hand in his, making you look up at him, then takes the other hand, then hugs you close to him.

“I’m gonna miss you,” you say, as if that wasn’t obvious. You’re trying hard to fight tears from falling again, but it’s like there’s an ocean behind your eyes, water somehow never running out. 

“I already miss you,” he says, and that’s enough to get you to sob again, which makes him start crying too. You’re crying, he’s crying, your mom is crying from the porch as she watches the two of you, it’s a mess.

You force yourself away from him, cupping his face in your hands. “We’ll see each other soon, okay? And college will be fun. You won’t even have time to miss me. But make time to think about me, yeah? And text me.”

“I will. I’ll think about you all the time, I already do,” he says.

“Okay,” you whisper and hug him one last time, very briefly, pressing a kiss to his cheek. You’re about to walk away but he doesn’t let go of your hand and pulls on your arm to bring you back to him.

Pressing his forehead against yours, he whispers, “I love you,” and you sob.

“I love you, too.”

This time, when you walk away, he lets you go. He watches as you get into the passenger’s seat and as the car drives away, as it takes you away from him. You watch him stand there in the rearview mirror, until his silhouette becomes smaller, and smaller, and smaller, until you can’t see him at all anymore.

--

Summer went and fall came as they do every year. Dead leaves are falling but it’s a new start for you. It’s a new town and you don’t know anybody, but you click instantly with your roommate and make new friends throughout your first week there. You realize everybody’s in the same boat, and they’re all eager to meet people and are curious about college life. You love your classes but complain about them nonetheless. You eat more ramen than you’d like to admit and turn up hungover at a 9 am class on a Thursday. You pull all-nighters at the library and develop a caffeine dependency. You’re a college student.

You and Sunghoon were very dramatic when you left, you soon realize. You call almost everyday. He’s not there with you and you miss him but at least you don’t have to pretend you’re not stupidly in love with him anymore. Because it’s stupid, being in love, it really is. You wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Your first semester passes by almost too quickly, and before you know it, you’re on the drive home, already one eighth of the way through university. You’re excited to go home, but Sunghoon’s finals last a week longer so you wait around for him. When you complain about it, Chaeyoung tells you to get a grip. “You haven’t seen him in three months, I’m sure you can handle another week.”

And you can, but barely. You were about to explode but then he’s back and you’re in his arms and his hair is still so soft, his scent is still so comforting and his moles are still there. You kiss them both before you finally press your lips to his, and it makes you feel so alive, you could die right then and there.

You lie on his bed and talk for hours as if you didn’t keep in touch the whole time and it’s like you never left. It’s like summer never ended and you’ve just been lying in his bed the whole time, college just one big fever dream. 

But his skin doesn’t smell like chlorine anymore, and he’s not in his swimming trunks. It’s fall, almost winter, and you’re kissing Park Sunghoon. You realize you can kiss him whatever the season and you find comfort in that. It was a big day (you cried a lot when you saw him) and you’re tired so you think you’ll kiss for a bit and that’ll be all but then he whispers “I missed you so much” against your neck and a fire lights inside your stomach. Oh, how it burns. You think it might consume you whole, but you don’t dislike that idea.

In a flash, you’re on top of him, his shirt is off, your shirt is off, but it’s not enough so you take your pants off too and Sunghoon is confused as to why you’re going so fast, but follows you anyway. “What’s going on?” he asks when you’re done with the taking off of your clothes and have moved on to kissing and biting at his neck like it’s your first meal in ages, because it is.

“I missed you too,” you simply answer, and he smirks as he nods slowly, now understanding your eagerness.

“Missed me that much, huh?” he teases, letting his head fall back against the pillow so you have better access to his neck.

“Shut up. Kiss me,” you order, and he doesn’t need to be told twice. Your kisses are ravenous and desperate, very fitting for two horny people in love who haven’t seen each other in months. But the pulse in your core makes you too impatient to stay anywhere for too long, and really, it’s not your fault if you’re grinding down onto Sunghoon’s clothed erection, it’s just that he smells too good and you missed him too much.

Sunghoon laughs at you for being so impatient to hide just how impatient he is. His giggles keep him from moaning loudly enough to wake the whole house, and you laugh as you tell him to stop laughing.

“I’m serious. I missed you so much. Need you so bad,” you say as you get rid of your underwear and quickly do the same for his. He gasps when he feels you take his dick in your hand and brush its tip between your folds, both out of pleasure and out of surprise.

“Shouldn’t I get you ready? Stretch you out a bit?” he asks, his hands roaming up and down your back as he sits up on the bed so that you’re straddling his lap, and you shake your head no. You’re probably already embarrassingly wet from your short makeout session, anyway.

“I don’t care if it hurts,” you say, lining his tip with your entrance. “Need to feel you.”

You sink down on his cock, the both of you releasing loud moans at the long-awaited feeling. He lets you adjust to his size for a minute, but as soon as you move your hips just a bit, signaling to him that you’re ready for more, it’s over for you. He wanted to be patient and take his time, he really did, but you feel so warm around him and your small whimpers are so pretty that his resolve of letting you take the lead is thrown out the window. He pounds into you at a rapid pace that has you biting his shoulder to keep yourself from screaming.

You had imagined your first time back with Sunghoon so many times before. It usually involved a nice playlist in the background, fairy lights and candles lighting the room, hours of foreplay and sensual lovemaking, with a nice bath afterwards. Sometimes, when you were particularly needy for him, you imagined something closer to what was actually happening, where you’d rip each other’s clothes as soon as you got to the bedroom and fucked like animals (a bit much, admittedly, but you really missed him).

What you definitely hadn’t expected, however, was that you’d both cum in less than five minutes. What could you do, though, when he was hitting your g-spot over and over again, his length stretching you perfectly as he whispered in your ear how much he’d missed you and how good you felt? And what could he do when you took him in so well, clinging onto him as you told him how much you’d missed him and how good he felt?

You finish at the same time, hole clenching around him and milking him dry. He doesn’t pull out for a while, letting you collapse onto him as you both catch your breaths, just like you had that first time. “That was a bit quick,” he pants, and you can’t help but laugh. 

You pull back to look at his face. It’s so pretty and stupid. What a stupid face that you love so much. Do you love it because it’s stupid or is it stupid because you love it? You think that that’s a stupid question, and you kiss the mole on his nose, then the mole on his cheek, right next to his nose.

“We have all night to go slower.”

“We have all Christmas break,” he corrects.

We have the rest of our lives, you think, and you think that might be a bit much, but you say it anyway. Sunghoon hums and says, “yes, we do,” and you think maybe it’s not all that stupid.

Maybe it’s the greatest thing that’s ever been.

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[nanamis-princess]

Can I rq jjk x depressed reader hcs? And gn reader please!!

Love your works btw, 10/10! You're genuinely one of my favorite people on here

✯¸.•´*¨`*•✿ ✿•*`¨*`•.¸✯

Jujitsu Kaisen men x depressed reader headcanons

Synopsis: your depressed & they wanna make you feel better:)

Genre: fluff with a dose of depression

T/w: depression, mentions of geto making someone go bye bye loll, not being able to take care of yourself. Plz lmk if I missed anything.

Nanami, Gojo, Geto, Yuji, Megumi (separate) X gen reader

Nanami

-Nanami is a very observant partner, that new ice cream flavor you tried and said you liked is now written down in his notes app. When he brought you as his plus one to his company dinner party, he could tell you weren’t found of one of his coworker without you having to say a word about it. He dismissed you both and you carried on with the night. So Kento notices when you start slipping, sometimes even before you do.

-kento will use his sick days to spend time with you, to make sure you’re okay. You’ll spend the morning cuddling, if you want to be held he will hold you and kiss your forehead.

- If you start crying he lets you get it out, he will wipe your tears away. Kento runs his hands along to your upper cheek after wipe your tears, rubbing your temple as tears run down your cheek. “You’ll get through this I promise” he says rubbing your temple near the roots of your hair.

-if you are in a state where you can eat he will prepare you a home cooked meal along with a glass of water. But if you prefer takeout he’ll get it for you, whatever you want to eat its yours as long as you are eating something. Eating together on the couch with light rain hitting the widow, snuggled in with blankets and candles going.

-if you aren’t able to eat he’ll just you take a few bites so you have something in your system along with a glass of water. He also encourages you to indulge, you are already going through enough and he wants you to take it easy.

-along with trying to make it easy if you take any medication he has reminders on his phone until it’s mussel memory to remind you. He cleans up after you as well, he knows how hard it is to get through this and wants to make this process as easy for you as he can.

-he takes care of your hair for you, he’ll bathe you while using essential oils and helps you get dressed along with your nightly routine. “I’m so proud of you for making it through today darling, I know it was draining” he say in a low tone as he rubs the lotion onto your back. He places a soft kiss to your shoulder.

-during the day he gets you out of the bed and to sit in the living room with him, just so you are up out of bed. He picks you up carrying you to the living room along with your comfort blanket. He puts on your comfort show or movie.

Gojo

-He’s a very quick learner, he learned how to take care of you, what to do and what not to do. Satoru will not let you slip through his fingers he will be right there for you. When he was younger he didn’t understand what Geto was going through, now he does so he truly means he will never let you fall.

-after an evening of teaching he comes home with goodies for you and him to share, along with gossip of course to see you teary eyed on your shared bed with your day time clothe still on. The past few days just took a lot from you and he can tell. “My cutie patootie gumdrop what’s wrong?” He asks using the nicknames you laugh at but with actual concern.

-he understands if you prefer not to talk about how you feel or if something made you feel this way but he listens if you do. “If its not easy to talk about right now, we don’t have to” he says softly. Satoru sits at the edge of the bed with you as he gentle wipes off your makeup. After running you a bath and getting you settled in for the evening you both lay in bed eating the sweets he brought home for the two of you.

-it doesn’t matter if he is up all night, he makes sure that you some how get one rest if you have a hard time getting sleep. But if you sleep for long periods of time he lets you. You guys even take naps together, he puts on rains sounds or white noise, your stuffed animals and fluffy bedsheets.

-Satoru makes sure you eat something, big or small portions all that matters is you eat. Along with medication, he even gets you a sweet treat to eat after you take it along with kisses all over your face. “Now that the hard part is done” he kisses your cheek “we can do what you want” he gives you another kiss on the cheek. “We can watch a movie, or that new season of that show you wanted to watch?”

-the next morning after you’ve been going through it you wake up to the curtains slightly open letting some sunshine in with flowers on your nightstand and piece of media you’d been eyeing lately. Along with the smell of breakfast flowing through the apartment.

Geto

-as we know he’s been through this himself so he can spot it a mile away, he stops you mid way as you are trying to make a cup of coffee/tea for yourself. “I can make it, go sit I’ll bring it to you” he say with compassion and a small kiss to your forehead.

-when all you want to do is curl into a ball and do nothing, he lets you but he never leaves your side. Even when its hard he tries to take care of you, getting you to eat or take a shower together. He wants to make this go away for you, so you don’t stuffer anymore. You don’t deserve to suffer.

-if something is bothering you he encourages you to talk about what made you fall into this pit, if he’s able to fix it he will. Annoying coworker or boss that wont leave you alone? That’s too bad they went missing.

-he doesn’t want you to be alone he wants to be right there with you. He cups your face as your tears fall, his thumb wipes them away. “Breath in 1..2..3..4..5, hold it. Breath out 1..2..3..4..5” he says quietly looking into your eyes. “The storm will pass I promise” he says before kissing your cheeks lovingly.

- The curtains are slightly open as the sun goes down your head gentle resting on his thigh as he gently plays with a strand of your hair whiling reading to you.

Yuji

-he loves making you smile and laugh, he will do anything to make you happy. His heart aches when he notices the depression coming back again, he just wants to pick you up and run from it so you never feel that way ever again.

-yuji will take a shower with you while a playlist of your favorite songs are playing, he understands if you just want to get in and out to lay back down so he takes care of washing your body and hair. He gives you a back massage too. He gives you his favorite hoodie that smells like his cologne, it’s a pull over hoodie that he got for his birthday.

-he read somewhere that your environment impacts your mental health so when you go through this he cleans the apartment and lights candles that are your favorite scent.

-holds you all day, all night and every moment that he can. Giving you forehead kisses or kisses on top your head. You guys also have a movie marathon until you feel better, he always lets you pick what you watch.

-has many many many reminders in his phone to remind you to take your medication if you take any. He will even make you milkshakes to take with it.

Megumi

-like nanami he is very observant especially about the ones he loves, he always keeps tabs on you so when it rises he’s ready to take care of you and be there. Doesn’t want you to lift a finger, he just wants you to ride this out. “I promise it won’t last forever, you will come out on top” he says before kissing your temple.

-when he washes your hair and body for he also is washing the bedding. He added essential oils like lavender or eucalyptus to help with calmness.

-pulls you gently to lay on his chest as you drift back asleep. You both take long naps together, you always wake up in his arms.

-he already reminds you everyday to take your medication, this is no different. Expect he got you a new plushy along & your favorite candy along with your refill.

-when he’s up making dinner you got up to use the bathroom, on your side of the bed on the floor you find a stick and a chew toy along with both the dogs on your side of the bed. When realizing you got up they both stood up to follow.

A/N: I really hope you like this! Ur so sweet thank you for saying that! As someone who struggles with depression this made me smile. For anyone going through it, you’ll get through it babes I promise. Plz try drinking water & getting something in your stomach. You deserve amazing things and to take care of yourself.

[whoreteen]

Lick!

you and Seokmin have a weekly routine — watching crappy movies together, cuddling and pining after each other. of course, neither of you have the guts to make the first move. that is until you decide to deepthroat a popsicle during movie night l, teasing Seokmin until he loses all self control; which essentially is your ultimate goal.

☼ word count: 3k ☼ pairing: dk x fem reader ☼ genre: smut, fluff, friends to lovers, mutual pining, roommate!au ☼ warnings: food play, degradation, praise kink, oral (f receiving), fingering, use of pet names. lmk if i missed anything

m.list | ☕️ | feedback | minors dni | if you read it & enjoy it, reblog it

You know exactly how to rile your roommate, Seokmin, up and you’re always doing it on purpose. He knows it, you know it and, you love every second of it.

He usually plays along with you, but you never goes past just flirting.

Admittedly, you want more, a part of you wants him to give you what you want, yet all he does is tease back to frustrate you. You crave more, you need more — so you figure what better way to shoot your shot than during movie night when you’re all cuddled up?

Seokmin comes back from the kitchen, handing you a popsicle and a bowl of popcorn before taking a seat right next to you.

“What movie did you pick?”

“Troll 2,” you reply, silently thanking him for the snacks you specifically asked for as he scoots closer to you, pushing his own popsicle into his mouth.

He smiles with a happy hum as the cherry flavor melts into his mouth before getting comfy on the couch, and putting a blanket on you.

You try to ignore the electricity pulsing in your body when he slides a hand under your shirt and rubs small, soothing circles into your skin, causing sparks to erupt all over your skin. Seokmin always has his way of doing this to you — effortlessly making your heart flutter and hammer in your chest when he’s not even trying to. Electricity and such desire you just can’t to turn a blind eye to no matter how hard you seem to try.

Not even minutes later, you catch yourself staring up at the pretty boy beside you instead of paying attention to the movie. You’re too busy stealing glances at him and it doesn’t calm your heart when you catch him doing the same to you, his eyes lingering for moments longer than they shouldn’t have. You immediately look away and gaze ahead at the screen, pretending to watch the movie.

A soft chuckle leaves Seokmin’s lips and you look up at him, confused. “What is it?”

“Nothing,” he beams, lightly shaking his head. “You’re just cute.”

You raise a perfectly arched eyebrow at his words, a mischievous smile on your lips a few seconds after. Sure, you love it when he calls you cute but it’s not what you want to hear right now. You want him so deep in your guts and you want him to think you’re hot, sexy, tempting.

Unbeknownst to you, the feelings are very mutual.

Of course you don’t know how huge of crush Seokmin has on you or how attracted he is to you. But, you do know he has an oral fixation as he always seems to stare at your mouth when he thinks you’re not aware; you intend to take advantage of that.

The only thing on your mind right now is to see how far you can take teasing him before he (hopefully) decides to fuck your brains out.

Smirking to yourself, you begin slurping on your popsicle, innocently, but enough to make him look as you continue to ‘focus’ on the movie.

You can feel his heated eyes on you. In all honesty, you’re sure you look tempting; you’re even more sure when you feel shifting in his seat and his hand slowly tracing its way down to your hips. His eyes are inevitably drawn down to mouth, burning with something. And, you know what they say: eyes never lie.

You continue your sinful actions, paying him no mind, and he intensely watches the ice pop slide into your mouth and then out, as it is his dick.

Your lips envelop the cherry flavored popsicle, red and lustrous as you push it further into your waiting mouth. You suck at it chastely before getting a bit sloppy, even letting some drops fall on your exposed cleavage and, Seokmin can’t help but lick his lips — wanting so badly to lick the drops from your skin.

“My eyes are up here you know,” you tease, and before he can respond, you pull the popsicle in and out of your mouth a few times, a long trail of melted flavored cherry, and saliva following.

Your roommate blinks once. Twice. “W-what?” he asks, taken by surprise.

“You’re staring, Seokmin,” you quip between popsicle licks.

“What’s the matter, baby? You’re blushing and stuttering,” you coo, nonchalantly pulling the popsicle out of your mouth with a pop. Seokmin feels his cock twitch when he’s sees the spit string. It’s almost downright obscene and he can’t help but bite his lip. There’s just no way you’re not aware of what you’re doing to him and, it takes everything in Seokmin’s willpower to not pin you down on the couch and, have his way with you.

He hums absentmindedly, still carelessly staring at your mouth and pouty lips. You have a straight up filthy look in your eyes, and Seokmin can feel himself getting lightheaded as the blood from his brain rushes to his dick.

He swallows a large lump in his throat before speaking, “I can’t help it,” he says, his voice gravelly. “Fuck. Stop that.”

Staring into his eyes, you have to stop the overwhelming urge to lean in for kiss. “You don’t like it?”

“Stupid question. Of course I do,” he scoffs. It’s so easy to rile him up. “You look so sexy sucking on that but it’s not good for my heart. If you keep teasing me like this, I’m not going to be able to stop myself.”

Every time your tongue darts out to lick at the treat, he feels his cock twitch and his heart swell. All he wants is to grab that popsicle and replace it with his cock; fuck your face as his dick slips past those pretty soft, little lips so fucking badly.

“If you’re horny, just tell me.”

He sucks in a breath. “I am. Wanna fuck?”

“Perv!”

“Says the one deepthroating an ice pop,” he scoffs.

“I’m not,” you retort, as you give another lick to your popsicle, considering your next move. “Let me show you how deepthroating is really done.”

You don’t have to contemplate for long as you take the whole thing in your mouth, red tinted, wet lips wrapped around it. You begin deepthroating it, imagining it’s his cock as you moan around the ice pop.

You stop for a moment, licking your lips, and open your mouth to say, “Come on, Seok, use your words and tell me what you want.”

“You,” he finally replies like it’s so obvious, sending even more electric shocks to your center. “I want you.”

“Hmm,” you tease with a smirk. “I gotta say, I really wish I had something better to lick than this popsicle.”

“Yeah? Wanna suck my cock the same way?” he purrs.

You nod your head, continuing your ministrations.

“What a fucking whore,” he groans as he cups your cheek and lets his thumb run across it slowly. “You planned this, didn’t you? Are you that desperate for my cock?”

“I’ve always wanted to climb you like a tree since the first day, so yes, definitely.”

Seokmin traces your lips with his thumb, teasing you a little before finally replacing the ice pop with one of his long fingers, and then another, sliding them in your mouth.

“I bet you’d love me to fuck that pretty face of yours,” he rasps. “You’d take it like the little whore you know you are, wouldn’t you, angel?”

You nod vigorously as you begin sucking on his digits, gently hollowing your cheeks.

He lets out a groan, his eyes darkening with lust as he watches you drool all over his fingers. “Fuck, I’m going to ruin you.”

You have to swallow back your whimper.

“God, you’re so—” he starts, his moist fingers gently running over your wet, parted lips, your cheeks, down your neck, pausing to hold your throat, “so fucking perfect. You have no idea how much I want to kiss you,” he groans before placing a gentle kiss on your cheek, officially stalling your little brain. “I wanted to fuck you since the first time I met you.”

One of his fingers traces down the side of your face, making your eyelids flutter. The gentle, sweet touch to your skin instantly makes your cheeks heat up — his words, though, sends shivers down your spine and you feel a tinge of heat in your core.

Grabbing a fistful of your hair, he yanks your head back before swooping in to lick a long stripe up your neck. Your only response is a moan.

“What, cat got your tongue?” he teases as he places open mouthed kisses to your neck, making sure to leave hickeys. “You were acting like such a brat with all that teasing. Not so brave now, hmm?”

You open your mouth to respond but nothing comes out, your brain going all mushy. Seokmin finally kisses you and you feel yourself get dizzy and completely lost in him, not able to bring yourself to process his words in time to react properly as he bites on your bottom lip lightly.

Once he pulls away, you’re the same color as your half eaten popsicle, cherry red.

It only take a couple seconds before Seokmin stops fighting the urge to push you down on the couch, and pin your hands above your head as his frame hovers above you. His lips melts against yours in yet another kiss as he kisses you sloppily, the taste of cherry lingering in your mouths, both your popsicles and the movie long forgotten.

He breaks the kiss not long after, trailing soft, loving kisses from the corner of your lips to your cheek, before asking, “Are you sure about this?” His voice changes drastically to a soft tone, fondness and pure love showing in his actions.

You whine some sort of yes, finding yourself chasing his lips and Seokmin can’t help but beam in delight.

“Good, because I’ve never want to fuck you more than I do now.”

He pulls you in for a kiss and you try your best to regulate your breathing, but when he groans into the kiss and sinks his teeth into your bottom lip, all you see is red. You roll your hips into him and Seokmin lets out a grunt as his grip strengthens on your hip in response.

He lets his body grind down hard against you as he surges forward to kiss you harder with greedy lips, almost bruising. The kiss is messy, urgent, and intimate in a way you just can’t explain. It is way too eager and desperate for being a first kiss between the two of you, but, in Seokmin’s eyes it was bound to happen. He’s been anticipating this ever since he first laid eyes on you.

You feel his erection straining against his boxers as he guides your hips to align against his own, grinding against you. You feel yourself yourself growing with want.

“Seokmin,” you whine, your voice breathy as you give him that delectable bambi eyed look. “Touch me.”

He looks down, meeting your hazy and glossy eyes that spell nothing but intense desire and want. “Can I?”

You think your knees may give out as you squirm against his hold. “Please. I want you so bad.”

You feel his long fingers run across your inner thigh, dipping so close to your sensitive heat, where you most need him, and you can’t help but push your hips forward for more. Seokmin huffs a brief chuckle, gently tracing his fingers across your covered, twitching clit before finally pushing your panties to the side and pushing one finger in, then another.

He can’t help but groan at the fact that you’re already so wet, and so ready for him that he almost snaps. “Fuck, baby, I’ve only started using my fingers and you’re already shaking.”

A loud gasp leaves your mouth, making Seokmin smile.

“Like that, huh?” he teases lightly as he skilfully curls his digits, adding a third finger whilst he whispers words of encouragement and praises you. “Does it feel good?”

You moan and Seokmin feels his cock twitch in his boxers at the little, soft noises escaping you and the way your toes curl. “S-so good. Please, don’t stop.”

“Such a desperate little slut, aren’t you?” he tsks. “Look at you, already pushing back against my fingers. How fucking pathetic.”

You arch your back and let out a whine when he slaps your swollen clit with his fingers, once, then twice before beginning to pump his fingers with more force, curling them. “Aw, my pretty baby’s already whining? I haven’t even fucked you yet.”

Teasing you like this has always been on Seokmin’s mind, but never did he didn’t think you would want to take it this far. God, how he wishes he can take a mental image of this moment.

He starts leaving wet kisses down to your collarbone and between your breasts, his scent and airy tone invading every inch of your shaky frame. You feel his free hand travelling around your body to unhook your bra so that your breasts are exposed to his lustful gaze.

Seokmin cups your breast with his free hand, grazing his thumb over the nub which earns him a needy whine. As he moves his fingers around your walls, his fingertips grazing your g-spot, you can’t help but wonder if you’re dreaming. You feel like you’re on cloud nine. It feels too good to be a true, and if this is a dream, you don’t ever wanna wake up.

Moving his lips downwards, he takes one nipple into his mouth, biting and sucking until you’re putty in his hands. Then he shifts his attention to the other breast, loving the way your fingers run through his hair, tugging gently whenever he hits a particularly sensitive spot.

You moan in delight as your back arches off the couch, wanting more. “S-Seokmin, please, I want more.”

Hearing you ask so nicely makes him smirk. “You’re so fucking cute when you’re needy.”

He presses a gentle kiss on your lips before scooting down your body and settling between your legs. His warm hands run up your thigh and hikes your skirt up to your waist, placing one of your legs on his shoulder. You can’t help but cover your face in embarrassment.

“No no, I want to see you, baby, don’t cover your face,” he says, his voice holding a certain degree of authority that makes you stop in your tracks. He places gentle, soft kisses on your inner thigh, before cooing, “I promise I’ll make you feel good.”

You don’t need to hear it. You already know he will.

Seokmin reaches to pull your underwear down, discarding it somewhere over his shoulder before reaching for the half-melted popsicle. He slowly runs it along your thigh to start, not wanting to startle you too much as praises you with soothing licks.

“You’re so beautiful…” he praises, his voice impossibly deep, almost a growl as he disappears between your legs. “All flushed and spread out like this. Just for me… Let me see those pretty eyes.”

You bite your lip harshly, trying your best to stop yourself from screaming when you feel his mouth on your clit. The combination of Seokmin’s warm tongue and the cold popsicle is unlike anything you’re experienced and your hips can’t help but buck off the couch, but Seokmin pins you down with his hand.

“You taste like fucking candy,” he groans against your heat. “I could eat you out all day and night.”

He continues licking and kissing your wet folds, pressing the popsicle against your clit as his fingers curl in search of your sweet spot. He knows he has found it when you begin spasming underneath him, your legs shaking uncontrollably as your wetness easily coats his fingers, only encouraging him to move faster.

As he pushes his face further into your cunt, he tries his best to gain some sort of control, ignoring the intrusive thoughts of his cock inside you, filling you up just right.

“S-seok, fuck, right there,” you nearly scream, Seokmin revelling in your noises as he pairs his curling fingers with the popsicle, wrapping his lips around your clit.

“Feels good? You sound so prettily.”

Each lick and each thrust of his fingers causes you to lose track of time and space and you can’t help but feel the tears pooling in your eyes. “God, yes, it feel s-so good. Keep going just like t-that.”

Seokmin eagerly obliges, his entire arm pumping as he presses his fingers harder and faster into your g-spot whilst he sucks harshly on your clit with his skilled tongue, slurping up the melted popsicle juice mixed with your arousal.

“Don’t cum yet, baby.”

You cry out in pleasure and start to babble incoherently, turning into a crying mess as he sucks on your clit like a lollipop, until you begin to shake, quivering uncontrollably as you scream his name like a mantra. You’re immensely grateful for the grip he has on you as your knees are on the verge of giving out.

“You’re doing so good, baby girl, you look so pretty for me. Just keep going like this, okay angel?” he whispers breathily, his fingers and tongue begins to match the pace of your rocking hips.

“S-Seok, nngh fuck,” you cry, twitching as he leaves bite marks alongside the many other bruises that litter your body from his mouth. “Please, please, please, can I cum?” you whimper, not caring how pathetic you must sound; the only thing that’s on your mind right now is your release. “I-I want to, fuck, cum s-so bad.”

“Then cum,” he says and that’s all it takes, your orgasm hitting you so hard as you let out a broken moan.

Seokmin helps you ride out your intense orgasm, and he moans, huskily at that, against your heat upon seeing your tear stained face. “Yeah, that’s it, baby, just like that.”

He doesn’t stop though, continuing to suck and lick your sensitive nub and devouring you faster until you’re practically shaking. Your back arches as Seokmin draws out your orgasm for as long as he can until you come for a second time.

Then he gazes up at up, a mixture of your arousal and his spit glistening on his chin and dripping down his defined jaw as he removes his fingers and cleans the them with his mouth, groaning at your sweet taste.

“My turn?” he asks teasingly.

And, who are you to deny such a heartfelt request. “Your wish is my command.”

[kaicheri]

home alone.

sub!beomgyu

warnings: anxious sulky gyu has a mini tantrum, mommy kink (reader is addressed as mommy), choking kink, fleshlight toy [masturbation (m. solo)], begging, gyu imagines reader riding him

wc: 1.4k

———

“I‘ll be good, mommy, I promise!” Beomgyu said as he waved bye, and a promise he even pinkie-sweared on. “Please be safe!”

He didn’t expect you to be out for this long. There wasn’t even much on your grocery list, and it’s almost 9. You’ve never been out this late, especially so close to his bedtime—why, just, why would you leave him all alone in the cold living room? He’d been resting his head on the couch cushion and drawing shapes into the window for a while now, waiting for you so obediently.

The curly haired boy didn’t know when he became so moody, so insecure, so…scared. Maybe you’d abandoned him. You’ve probably grown tired of his antics and ran away. He knew it was bound to happen at some point. Maybe you escaped to be with someone better, someone capable of taking care of you, instead of lounging around in the living room all day. Every bad thought he’s ever feared was trying to claw its way out.

So he retreated back to his room like a lost puppy, pout and all, flinging himself onto the bed and cursing. He wasn’t allowed to curse though, but you weren’t around, so whatever, right? Fuck this, fuck everything, and fuck—he might just curse you too, but maybe…maybe that’s too much. Ugh, Beomgyu just wants to throw a fit, but who would be there to see it? There’d be no point.

Still, he was angry. He needed to rebel—disobey somehow—break his good boy streak so that you could come home and take care of him, make you realize what a bad mommy you’ve been for leaving him all alone like this.

By now, you would’ve been wrapping up dinner, watching a movie, maybe, but most importantly, helping him out with his evening neediness (touching him and making him feel all special.)

Then you’d bathe together, pick out matching sleepwear, and cuddle to sleep. But everything’s way off schedule, and Beomgyu finds himself kicking his feet into the mattress like a sensitive school girl and whining against the sheets.

Until he spots a naughty little box, poking out from just under his bed, tempting him.

“No, c-can’t,” Beomgyu shakes his head, “Mommy says I…can’t…”

You surprised him with it at a recent birthday, strictly telling him it’s off-limits, and can only be opened if mommy says so.

He sniffles and reaches down anyway.

“Hmph, well…mommy doesn’t have to know. This stays between you and me, good ol’ box, okay? You’ll be good for me, right?”

It’s wrapped in pink. No one would ever know it had the dirtiest things inside.

He rips the lid open with sudden eagerness and an open smile—not caring if the box had anything to say back, but instead, for all the good it held in front of him.

The vibrator, cock ring, flogs, tube of sweet-whatever-flavored lube, puppy ears…(he gulps, blushing) It had definitely been a while.

But there was one special toy waiting for him the most: the precious, pink fleshlight.

In no way could it ever resemble your own pussy, but it gave him the tightness and comfort that he craved so much for. He needed it now.

In seconds, Beomgyu’s already drooling into it, sitting upright against the bed frame and nudging the box away gently with his foot. Shame, if you were here beside him, he wouldn’t have needed to go this far. Wouldn’t have even thought about it.

His room is dimly lit with his Peter Pan lamp and allows him every last bit of privacy. He rubs his lower stomach as a soothing gesture to relax himself and blushes, before letting his hand slip under the soft waistband.

It’s like he hasn’t seen his cock in ages when he pulls it out. It’s just as pretty as he remembers. Having a sex drive that’s too high and a mommy like you who doesn’t let him touch himself without permission, it’s hard to blame him. The pretty, pink thing stays prisoner in these cotton cells most of the day.

“Mmn…” Beomgyu bites his lip, before staring lazily into the spit-filled toy. He nods to himself with simple satisfaction. “Should be enough,” he says, as if he could somehow calculate.

But it doesn’t matter, because the moment he slides it on himself, he cries out loud and realizes he should’ve been more careful. He has such a sensitive cock, you know.

“Hmph, m-mommy…please…” he whines some more, “p-please help me…”

There’s already tears in his eyes when he starts, slowly, but his grip falters. Ugh, why does he have to have such weak, pretty hands? They’re too delicate to be doing something like this.

Beomgyu’s whimpering loudly and his bulbous tip goes all the way, so he keeps it there momentarily to catch a breath. Anymore and he would’ve given out.

“N-no, just not…use-used to it, th-that’s all…” he swallows and tries again.

The self-reassurance almost seems useless as he slowly lifts the toy and slides it back down, having these labored breaths for no reason. It’s so warm and so tight—oh, so, so good—it feels like he’s being overstimulated already.

What’s worse is that he can’t stop thinking about you no matter how frustrated it makes him. He’s just so hopelessly infatuated and horny. He needs to be inside of you now—no, he needs to teach you a lesson, needs to make you sorry for making him this way.

But as his mouth droops open and vision blurs, it feels like you’re riding him, such a soft and warm pussy swallowing all of his cock, calling him pretty and squeezing his neck at the same time. The pressure builds up slow though, so he doesn’t get hurt.

Fuck, how he loves being choked. So stupid. He’ll take everything you give him. He’ll let you use him like he’s nothing. Poor boy.

“I…love it…love it s-so much…” He’s melting into the bed, eyes fluttering softly. There’s a whimper and a pout before he whines even more, “mmm..want m-mommy so bad…p-please..”

He didn’t want to be so loud for you, or at all, for that matter. He didn’t want to admit that he’s this dumb and desperate. But you’re bouncing on him even faster somehow—it’s just too much at once—he doesn’t want to hurt you, or hit the wrong spot-

But if you felt that way, you would’ve stopped by now—fuck, he’s so close—you know your limits, you know everything, because you’re his mommy, and mommy knows best, right?

Beomgyu’s hips are fucking into the toy as he grips it with both hands, so good that he can’t let go. But there has to be some kind of support—“th-that’s…ughh, y-you’re so warm, mommy”— so his fingers dig into the sheets under him, legs are squirming, thighs are sweating-

“O-oh, m’please mommy, please!” he hiccups, “Need it so bad- can-can I? Let me c-cum, please…been a good boy-”

Here he is squeezing his eyes shut and trying to hold it in a little more when you wouldn’t respond. “M-mommy! I-“

There’s a sharp gasp. His sweaty fingers are tight and tense, thighs are shaking, hips are erratic. Even when his mouth is wide open and his teary eyes are rolling back, no other sound fills the room but the squelching and wetness of his toy, and the warmth of his cum filling it up.

Regret washes over him as he bucks his hips into the toy a few last times, emptying out the last few drops. You’d kill him if you saw him like this, getting off like he doesn’t care. What about mommy’s permission? No, that hits him too late.

The bed rocks against the wall just a little bit. Beomgyu would have to apologize to the neighbors somehow, for he was too desperate to cum inside something that resembled too much like your cunt. He promises, yes, he promises he’ll say sorry to them, and to you too—for being such a bad boy, for doubting you and cursing, for fucking and wasting his cum on a toy, all without your permission—please, he’s so sorry-

“Honey, I’m home! Sorry, the usual store was running low so I had to go to another…where are you, baby? Mommy’s here now, mommy’s-“

He’s fallen asleep and left the lights on, laying on his side so peacefully…(you sigh) with a fleshlight hanging just on the edge of his wet, softening cock, and drool pooling out of his mouth.

You’d have to think about what to do with him later, but for now? You’ll just run him a warm bath. The poor boy needs it, you know? Give him some calm before the storm.

———

author’s note: hey y’all!! Happy reading and I hope you enjoy! :D

[hayatoseyepatch]

hello sam pam (happy 500!!!)

want the full experience so i am on anon ( why was it was so hard to describe myself)

personality: she/her, intp, stem major. likes: spring, the beach, green apples, bears, cats, woody&earthy scents, short nails, indie games, peppermint tea, silver, watches, blue tights (that i recently got), smiskis, pineapple pizza. dislikes: the rain, food that's too hot, cherry flavored things, calling, wearing socks to sleep, card games. pet peeves: slow drivers, people who eat with their mouths open, talking during a movie, people who cut in line

fandoms: ive read/know all of the fandoms u listed except love&deepspace

tropes: so many but i will list fake dating and drunk confessions

type: someone easy-going and can take things slow

icks: people who cant hold a convo

idk what else...i will await ur verdict judge sam 🫡

Hi there undercover mootie ( ˶˘ ³˘(ˊᗜˋ)!♡ I hinestly saw your trope and ran with it, I had so much fun. I hope you enjoy! MWAH

I'm gonna pair you with Jo Togame from Wind Breaker!

⤜♡→ Jo Togame is more caring than I feel people give him credit for, we see it through his interactions with Sakura and Choji. He hangs onto your every word loving to talk to you about your interests. He loves just talking to you. He too hates someone who he cant just talk to. So the both of you could spend the longest time just talking, its ow he fell for you in the first place, getting to know you through your words and quality time.

⤜♡→ If you’re looking for easy going look no further than Togame. He is perfectly content to just enjoy your company. He doesn’t need much or have to have anything extravagant so long as he has you by his side that’s all he truly wants. Whether its just taking a stroll along the beach or sitting at home contentedly watching you play one of your indie games. He’s happy as long as he’s with you.

⤜♡→ I’m so glad you brought up earthy/woodsy scents because that’s exactly how I think Togame smells. Just this comforting scent of the outdoors not too powerful or overpowering, just a nice amount that you can smell as he holds you in his arms.

You blink the sleep from your eyes at the sound of your phone ringing, checking the clock you see it reads close to 01:30 am. Who could possibly be calling at this hour? Checking the contact you see that it was Jo. It was unusual for him to call you at this late hour, thinking something was wrong you scramble to answer it. “Jo is everything okay?” It’s silent on the other line, only for a moment before you hear his voice on the other end. His voice comes out slurred, obvious he had been drinking. “Babesss” He drawls, Togame always had a habit of calling you countless pet names. “Why aren’t you here, where are you?” You could hear the pout in his voice. Togame, the usual calm and collected one of the bunch tended to get a lot more loose when he drank, it was always amusing how especially clingy he became when it came to you. “Jo its almost 1:30 in the morning I’m in bed.” You can hear his whine, trying your best to stifle your laughter. “Well get out of bed, I miss you, come here. I wanna kiss your face.” That was new. You felt your face grow warm with the intentions behind his words.

As you were taking a moment to recover from his words, there’s a significant amount of fumbling on the other line. Sako’s voice rings through, definitely more sober. “I’m sorry about that we’ve been trying to keep him from waking you up.” You hear a lot of movement on the other line, no doubt Sako avoiding Togame’s confiscation of his phone, hearing his voice once more. “Sako, you ass give me the phone, I wanna talk to her.” To which Sako just lets out a burdened sigh. You giggle, shaking your head as you pull yourself out of bed. “It’s fine Sako, let me come take him off your hands, you guys are at the auditorium right?” After he confirms, you quickly grab your letterman, heading out the door to come pick him up. Once you arrive, you can see him perk up immediately, rushing over to you instantly. He wraps himself around you, placing a good bit of his weight on you as hangs off you, the impact knocking some of the wind out of you due to his large stature.

He smiles, nuzzling his nose into the crook of your neck. “I missed you.” He mumbles, works slurred into your skin. You had a feeling it would take quite a bot to pry him off of you and he would be deeply regretting his actions in the morning with the hangover he no doubt would be having. After some minor convincing you managed to get him to leave with you. Taking him back to your apartment, you gave him some water and painkillers to try and prevent his head from splitting when he awoke. As you went to go set up the couch for yourself for the night, you feel his grip on your wrist, he tugged you into the bed with him. His body curling around your own. “Don’t leave me.” His words were so pleading, he was hanging on to consciousness as it was, so you decided to stay. He smiles as he rested his head on your chest. “I love you, I hope you know that. Wanna be with you for the rest of my life.” His words trail off and within moments his breathing evens out before soft snores fill the room. You lay there in shock from his words, but knowing even in this state that he meant them. You just hoped he wouldn’t be too embarrassed when you returned his confession in the morning.

[kandisheek]

FIC REC WEEK 7 - ANGST

AUTHOR SPOTLIGHT: romanoff

I've read a lot of angst in my day, but romanoff's fics have a really unique flavor that just sticks in my head and keeps me coming back for re-read after re-read. If you've been in this fandom for a while, you've probably already read something written by romanoff, but honestly, you should just go and binge their entire AO3 catalogue, because every single fic is a banger.

Here's some of their work that I think you should check out:

Pick Yourself Undone

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: NR Words: 13,159 Tags: PTSD, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Emotional Hurt/Comfort

Summary: After New York, Tony looks for control. He starts to find it in some picky little places. It's wrong and awful and stupid and so, so irrational, but once he starts – It's hard to stop.

Reasons why I love it: I don't have OCD, so I can't speak to the accuracies of this fic, but I will say that romanoff's descriptions of Tony's disorder really struck a cord with me. It's so heart-wrenching what Tony goes through here, and I actually breathed a sigh of relief at the end because reading it felt incredibly tense. This fic is absolutely incredible, and I highly encourage you to experience it for yourself!

earth's greatest defender

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: M Words: 818 Tags: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Civil War, The Phone

Summary: Steve gets the call sitting in an old motel outside Albany.

Reasons why I love it: Civil war angst at its finest. I really love everything and anything involving the Flip Phone of Angry Manpain, so this fic is like catnip to me. And that last paragraph hits me every time, even though I know what's coming. I love this fic, and I hope you'll check it out for yourself!

(nothing left to lose)

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: E Words: 29,309 Tags: Post-CA:CW, Depression, Suicide Attempt

Summary: An alternate universe where Steve wins the Civil War. It doesn't go well for Tony.

Reasons why I love it: This fic does the equivalent of taking your heart, putting it in a blender and punching the button over and over. It always kills me a little to read this one, but it's a pain that I welcome with open arms. If you're going to read it for yourself, be prepared for some heavy angst and abandon all hope at the door. That said, this fic is incredible, and I really hope you give it a shot!

jus post bellum

Pairing: Pepper/Tony Rating: T Words: 2,962 Tags: Hurt Tony, Post-Av:AoU, Hurt/Comfort

Summary: After the dust settles, Pepper finds Tony sitting on the edge, cigarette in hand and hair lifting in the breeze, New York stretched out beneath his swinging feet.

Reasons why I love it: This fic gave me everything I never knew I wanted in the wake of Age of Ultron. Tony's voice in this reads very true to canon, and Pepper kind of breaks my heart with how she tries her best to be there for him. It really hammers home how much they all lost in this movie. I love this fic to pieces, and I bet you will too!

Held

Pairing: Steve/Tony Rating: M Words: 6,316 Tags: BDSM, Sub-Drop, Aftercare

Summary: It's not the most embarrassing thing that's ever happened to Tony, but it's up there.

Reasons why I love it: This fic will crush your heart and mend it at the same time, it's incredible. Steve is such a sweetheart, and Tony is so convinced that he's unwanted that it just tears at my heartstrings. I love BDSM AUs any day of the week, but this one is definitely one of my favorites (along with the whole series attached to this one shot). Please go and check it out, you won't regret it!

[spookygingerr]

weekly tag wednesday thursday

thanks for tagging me @heymacy , @energievie , @gallapiech , @deedala , @roryonic

@stocious , @transsexual-dandelions , @thepupperino , @sgtmickeyslaughter , @creepkinginc

@transmurderbug , @mickeym4ndy @atthedugouts & @burninface

wow so many friends this week, sorry I'm late. yesterday was my 'gallavich summer writing camp' bunks posting date! this is my first time writing so it'd mean the world to me if you checked it out here. anyway, here's my answers...

name: ice

age: older than yesterday, younger than tomorrow

location: ao3

top sheet, yes or no? we don't really do that in the uk. here's my recipe for a good bed:

mattress

2 mattress toppers (they're basically duvets that go on top of your mattress and make it comfier)

bottom sheet (has to be fitted, I hate the ones you have to fold)

duvet in a duvet cover

huge blanket

(and of course pillows)

how many stuffed animals do you own?

I have quite a few but I don't have any out on display

the names of your pets (and the explanations behind them):

lola. no explanation, it's just a cute name. she suits it though!

favorite color: I can never answer this question. if you have seen my art you probably know that I just love colour, it's hard to pick one. also, on last weeks tag game a few people wanted a room tour, so, I went around my room and colour picked colours to make a palette...

any tattoos?

yes, I have 3 tattoos

how you transport your belongings (purse, tote, hands, pockets, etc.):

for the gym/shopping I have a lush tote bag like 90% of the young women in the uk. however I recently got a really cute handbag that I use if I'm being fancy

the last movie you watched:

pitch perfect 3 with some awesome nerds

how long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

if I'm working I take hours (I work at home so I do it in stages lol), if I'm actually getting ready and doing hair and make up then its an hour but I'm including making and eating breakfast in that

favorite weather: hot

relationship status: hot to go

ice cream flavor of choice: pistachio

first fandom: one direction (...)

how many books have you read this year? I'm not sure, definitely less than previous years, I've been doing art in the time that I previously used to read (fanfic time is another category of reading and nothing gets in the way of that)

first 4 words of your last notes app entry:

if you can try (its a copy and pasted reminder from @gallapiech that I actually don't need now lol)

and finally, if you had to change your URL tomorrow, what would you change it to?

spookygingerrr

no tags today bc I'm late but heyyyyy!

[r3dblccd]

TAG PEOPLE YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW BETTER!

tagged by: @irrwicht

tagging: @formorethananame, @luneblush, @temporalobjects, @weedzkiller, @r4bidog, @hishedonism, @mxldito, @ovilis, @vienrose, @unavernales, @dozenrozez, @frxgmcnts, @finalsurvivorgrp, @caelcstis, @dcrkfcngs

favorite color(s): Red, purple, but I like all colors

favorite flavor(s): I have a huge sweet tooth, so I'd say chocolate and also fruity flavors like bananas and strawberries.

favorite music: Honestly, I think I can say that I listen mostly everything. I've come to the conclusion that I don't really care about the genre, if I like a song, I like it and that's about it. And that's why my playlist is a mess, especially when I put it on shuffle lmao

favorite movie(s): It's so hard to pick, there are so many good ones! But I recently watched Tokyo Godfathers, that one automatically jumped in my top favourites. I also really liked Grave of Fireflies (even though it's quite a heavy movie), Spirited Away, Princess Mononoke, The Handmaiden (let's go lesbians, let's go), Perfect Blue, Everything Everywhere All At Once, The Jigsaw franchise (and honestly, I think the 10th movie might be my favourite), The Fear Street Trilogy, Coraline, What We Do In The Shadows, Train To Busan

Honorable mentions: I think Gremlins is starting to grow on me, especially the second movie because I love that the production team didn't take it all too seriously, I do like when some movies are self-aware how silly they actually are. Also shoutout to The Sadness. Am I ever going to watch that movie ever again? Probably not, it was a very disturbing movie. But this is not your usual zombie movie, if I can even call it a zombie movie, which surprised me? Like, it definitely does have those elements of the apocalyptic zombie genre but turned it completely over its head by making the infected actually aware of the things they're doing but not being able to stop it. Again, it is a disturbing movie, it's not for everybody. I personally don't see myself watching it twice. Plus, finding out that the director has said something like that he wanted to focus more on the "fun and the gore" other than anything else in a Q&A did sound quite sussy to me given the heavy topics and the ways the movie could be interpreted. Idk, as philology and literature major it just keeps getting confirmed to me that most, if not all works of art, no matter in what form, have something to say and they deeply reflect the time in which they were created, and there's always the subjectivity of the viewer who interprets it in their own way (like hell, even the superheroes in movies these days most likely take a whole lot of inspiration from Greek mythology, if you really think about it). Some people have mentioned that the director might have answered the way that he did as to not stir up controversy since it was at a festival, but I can't say for sure, I wasn't there to see the interview myself and this is already getting really long so I will stop now, you can make your own conclusions.

favorite series: Courage the cowardly dog, The Scooby-Doo franchise, Are You Afraid Of The Dark (I'm talking about the 90's series, I haven't watched the 2019 revival). Do I remember anything from them? Kind of, it's been a very long time since I've watched them. I kind of want to rewatch them because of it. But they sparked my interest in all things spooky when I was a kid so I feel like they deserve a place here. Some of my other favourites include: The Untamed, Serial Experiments Lain, Steins;Gate, Semantic Error, Another, My Roommate is a Detective, Wellington Paranormal, What We Do In The Shadows, Hellbound and Sweet Home (I do recommend reading the webtoons of those two, though), Death Parade, The Silent Sea, Color Rush, Squid Game, My Beautiful Man, Good Omens, Our Flag Means Death, Alice on Borderland, My Name, Yellowjackets, Theatre of Darkness: Yamishibai

last song: Ruler Of My Heart by BL8M & Rubyeye & Unknown (Till The End) by AKUGETSU (Alien Stage OSTs) (tw for blood and a bit of gory imagery in the MVs for anyone who wants to check them out). Also can I also just talk about the 1st Anniversary Remixes of those two songs too!!! (here and here, audio only). Just *cheff's kiss*, I love those songs so much, I want to eat them. The story all these animations is quite interesting, the animations themselves are very well done too. How can I describe it. The story kind of takes that deadly game trope (like, let's say in the Hunger Games and Alice in Borderland), but make it about people being forced to be in a singing competition against each other to survive and they are being judged by aliens. From what I know, I could be wrong, the main way of storytelling is through the MVs on the VIVINOS YT channel so it does require a bit to analyze (there is a bit of a additional info on the official website and on the wiki, I'm sure), so if any of that sound interest you, I would recommend checking it out

last series: Choco Milk Shake

last movie: The Cat Returns

currently reading: So Long, And Thank for All The Fish from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books. I'm so happy of how much progress I've done on reading those books compiled in one huge book, I'm halfway through the series now. And honestly I want to read it for as long as I can because I really enjoy it, it's so fun, I love the absurd situation the main characters fall into while the big question of the meaning of life, the Universe and everything looms over them. This would definitely go in one of my top books I've read I'm sure.

And I also have to mention the webtoons that I'm reading because I love them very much too: Hand Jumper, The Blind Prince, Lore Olympus, Zombie X Slasher (I don't know in what kind of direction this one would go, but so far so good!), Everything is Fine, Flawed Almighty, Homesick (I love love LOVE this one! The art style and everything is great), Never Ending Darling (I know that it's gonna end in like 2 days officially once the last episode is available to read for free, but damn, what a ride this was. The concept of this webtoon is terrifying), Omniscient Reader, My S-Class Hunters, ZOMGAN (also quite an interesting and honestly refreshing way of making a story about zombies), Nocturne and The Guy Upstairs

And special highlight to: There Are No Demons. This webtoon? An absolute nightmare fuel. I find it very interesting that the artist Nemo Nullus makes 3D models first and then draws over them. I wasn't so sure how to feel like it when I first saw it, this was the first time I've seen anything like it on webtoon, but I quickly grew to like this art style, the kind of weird realism and uncanny valley really add to the stories. And the stories themselves are very scary because these are things that could actually happen, and have most likely happened in real life too, especially that first story with the stalker. This webtoon has made me feel things no other horror/thriller webtoon has made me feel, I feel like I want to crawl out of my own body when I'm reading it, really.

currently watching: Nothing in particular, just random YT videos. I do have some shows to catch up on that I already mentioned here.

currently working on: Mostly focusing on studying a bit more for my exam on monday. But once I'm done I'll be back to doing more stuff here, hopefully ❤️

[fakeosirian]

tagged by: @gender444 HI!! ty <3

relationship status: stage 3 of Deeply Single but not mad/for good reasons (last relationship took a very long time to recover from emotionally/kinda difficult for me to see people in person rn/coping with multiple new mental health diagnoses/sexuality has fluctuated violently like 4 times in the past year tho i think its stable now??) so in a "if an opportunity arises i'd take it but i do not seek it out on purpose" place lol

fav color: i go through phases with fav colors and it's been a green past couple years (specifically forest and kelly green love those shits) but my Always Colors are teal, dark scarlet, dark brown, and that purple that's almost indigo but it's still Definitely Purple do you know what i mean.

song stuck in my head: luka luka night fever specifically only the first ~30 seconds

last song i listened to: pet body by miya folick

three favorite foods: CURRYYYY MY BELOVED <3 specifically the golden curry bricks...but at the end of the day idgaf all curry good put it in my body; ice cream i will spare you the list because it'd be easier to say which flavors i don't like vs the ones i do; hmmm i can't just say soup in general but it's so hard to pick Just One. i will say beef and barley. but just know that ramen and grillcheese+tomato are basically tied w it

last thing I googled: i wish there were no traffic accidents movie (that post i rb'd a bit ago reminded me of a movie i saw years ago thru mst3k with AWFUL dubbing of child actors where they kept wishing for there to be no war or traffic accidents Specifically and i'm obsessed with the idea that like. this is such an understandable yet specifically worded wish that keeps coming up. unfortunately google just kept telling me about the time matthew broderick killed somebody and i got bored and gave up)

dream trip: there's so many individual places i'd Want To Go that i get choice paralysis picking just one so tbh. i will just say that i really want to finally go on a road trip/camping with my college friends LOL we've been talking about it for years and never thrown down the gauntlet/been firm about a specific time or plan but hopefully this year or next...we were talking about all going to canada since one of us lives right near the border now/we want to visit him anyway so fingies crossed...

anything i want right now: to hit my breaking point on not doing one of 4 or 5 odd things i need to get done and just Do It. but OTHER THAN THAT a camera tripod T_T the stack of books method is simply not cutting it any longer. also human interaction

tagging anybody that wants to tbh but Summoning @4th-and-roebling @zombiepatch @windowsdestruction @voxxed @aurora-boreas-borealis there are more people i want to tag but im Norvous so if we're mutuals and u want to do it then go ahead and say i tagged u LOL

[kamreadsandrecs]

Title: Paradise-1 (Red Space #1) Author: David Wellington Genre/s: science fiction, horror Content/Trigger Warning/s: blood, gore, violence, cannibalism, emotional and mental manipulation, sexual assault, emotional and physical abuse of a child, depictions of extreme PTSD and depression Summary (from publisher’s website):  Paradise-1. Earth’s first deep space colony. For thousands of people, it was an opportunity for a new life. Until it went dark. No communication has been received from the colony for months. And it falls to Firewatch inspector Alexandra Petrova and the crew of the Artemis to investigate. What they find is more horrifying than anything they could have imagined. Buy Here (publisher’s website): https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/david-wellington/paradise-1/9780316496742/ Spoiler-Free Review: So I picked this up because I needed some more horror after finally wrapping up my reread (and read, in the case of The Lure of the Moonflower!) of the Pink Carnation series. I was in the mood for a little more horror after practically devouring Catriona Ward’s Sundial. And since I’m always game for some cosmic horror, Paradise-1 seemed right up my alley. And in a way, it was! The overall concept was intriguing, and I was pulled into the whole thing by the first handful of chapters. I really wanted to know what was going to happen to the characters as they left the Solar System and headed for Paradise-1, and when the first disaster struck, I was ready to see how things would devolve and how the (surely) horrific mysteries teased at the beginning of the story would be revealed. But that didn’t turn out to be the case. Fun as the concept is, the potential horror lost a LOT of its power when the story began to go on, and on, and ON. Put simply: this was way, WAY longer than it needed to be. In fact, there are twenty to thirty chapters - whole chunks of narrative - in this novel that could absolutely be taken out and it wouldn’t affect the narrative at all - in fact, it would be a significant improvement. Take it down to something in the vicinity of 300-350 pages, instead of the 600+ it currently has, and it might read much better. Trim out all the fat, as it were.  As for the horror, I can SEE where it would be scary, but instead there’s a lot of parts where it feels like the author’s presenting a kind of set piece to play out in front of the reader, in the hopes that it’ll scare them. Which honestly, just doesn’t work for me: I’m someone who can watch a slasher movie while eating and not be put off my meal. I need something more insidious than blood, gore, and guts to really get to me - and the sad thing is? This novel HAS THE POTENTIAL FOR THAT. It was just stretched out for far longer than it needed to be, and many of the scenes that SHOULD have felt scary felt more like they were there for nothing more than shock value - which honestly becomes really old, pretty fast (especially when the same scenario is presented THREE TIMES, just in slightly different flavors). The above also affects the characters. Initially they feel likable enough, but it gets kind of hard to keep on liking them when bad things keep happening to them and they keep on walking into them. I’m especially disappointed with the way Zhang was characterized, as there was plenty of potential there to explore the effects of PTSD when one is thrust into a scenario that reopens all those old traumas, but given how long the story dragged and how often he walked into the Same Scenario in Three Different Flavors thing, it’s easy to lose sympathy for him. The only one I think I actually liked was Rapscallion, but I can easily imagine him being an even more interesting character if the aforementioned flaws weren’t there. You know what really gets me about this though? As long as it already is, as bloated as it already feels, IT ACTUALLY HAS A SEQUEL. Which I’m slightly intrigued by because I want to know what happens next, but if it’s another overlong monstrosity like this one? I might have to pass.  Rating: two AI cores

[themovieblogonline]

TMNT: Mutant Mayhem Review - Do The Turtles Return With a Bang?

Get ready to join the beloved Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in their latest animated escapade, "TMNT: Mutant Mayhem"! Directed by Jeff Rowe, this action-packed film bursts onto the screen with a visually stunning animation style. While some may draw comparisons to Sony's Spider-Verse films, "TMNT Mutant Mayhem" has its own signature flair, making it stand out in comparison to other animated films. This movie is a thrill as the turtles' begin their heroic journey to win the hearts of New Yorkers and be accepted as normal teenagers. Their journey takes an unexpected turn when they find themselves facing off against a mysterious crime syndicate and an army of menacing mutants. This movie is a fun adventure that's filled with pop cultural references, surprisingly contemporary slang, and an amazing rap music soundtrack that'll keep your head nodding from sta The Good: The animation in "TMNT: Mutant Mayhem" is really on point! Sure, some folks might compare it to the Spider-verse movies, but honestly, it's got its own unique visual flair that I totally dug. The movie is a colorful rollercoaster of action, and I was here for it! There are moments early in the film that show off the movie's dedication to having a great story. That great story helps ease you into the animation style and introduces us to our characters. The pop culture references and contemporary slang had me cracking up! The turtles using iPhones and even airdropping info with April was both hilarious and oddly relatable. I mean, who doesn't love a good tech-savvy turtle? The characters all look and sound great and do a good job of modernizing these old characters. They look good, they sound good, and they have great taste in music. The characters get great-looking updates to go along with their new animation, especially April O'Neil and Baxter Stockman. And can we talk about the music for a second? Specifically the rap music. It's the heart and soul of the movie! Gucci Mane and Bruno Mars bringing the beats in TMNT to make it Superfly! The entire soundtrack slaps, for real for real. Ice Cube's character Superfly barely seems like a villain and actually is really likable... until he goes full supervillain and changes everything. I really enjoyed his voicework as Superfly and what I presume he brought to the story with his dialogue delivery. There are so many good scenes with this character that it's hard to pick a favorite but if I HAD to then I'd say the whole bowling alley scene. Oh, and don't even get me started on that after-credit scene! Predictable? Maybe. But it's still everything you could hope for! It left me itching for more TMNT madness. The Bad: Now, let's address the elephant in the room - there is an action overload problem! There's so much happening on that screen, it's like a ninja hurricane! Don't blink, you'll miss some awesome moves... or even a sai to a dude's face! But hey, maybe a bit of toning down wouldn't hurt. There's a moment where Master Splinter, voiced by Jackie Chan, goes FULL Jackie Chan in the movie. Anyone familiar with Jackie Chan's action scenes knows how busy they can be. Add some squiggly line animation in the corner of the screen to go with the martial arts and its eyeball overload! Also, I couldn't help but wonder if I just forgot what actual 15-year-olds sound like? Some of these turtles were chattering like they were still in grade school! It's cool to be hip, but it can get irritating really fast to my millennial ears.  And speaking of being "hip," the black slang and Gen Z speak were a hit-and-miss for me. I mean, it adds flavor to the dialogue, but sometimes it felt a tad forced. I just can't decide if it's cool or cringe! Lastly, why does the movie have to be so short? I could've used a solid extra 10 minutes of turtle time. More action, more laughs, and more character development, please! If the movie has momentum, keep going! I get wanting to end on a high note but this feels wrong. Final Verdict: "TMNT: Mutant Mayhem" is a wild and outrageously fun ride that will please die-hard fans and entertain newbies. It's got its quirks, but that's what makes it fun. It's very different than the previous TMNT entries so grab your pizza and hit the theaters when it drops on August 2, 2023! Cowabunga, dudes!       Read the full article

[journey-to-the-center-of-the-liz]

Questions and suggestions

1. What’s your favorite way to spend a day off?

Nothing for me truly feels better than going out down town with my friends. I love downtown with all of my heart so getting to show my friends my favorite place feels so magical. I love the book store down town i need to buy more books for sure!

2. What type of music are you into?

I am into so much music which I know is a generic statement but its true if I ever had to pick a favorite genre it would likely be old female jazz music. women talking about the reality of life how sometimes ur not beautiful sometimes you just cry and chain smoke cigarettes.

3. What was the best vacation you ever took and why?

When I was in the 6th grade before i came out i had a secret girlfriend and her family was SUPER rich. she and i went to montanna and then Wyoming i got to see yellow stone and also smell all the sulfer. everycorner had an icecream shop it was also the first time I went ziplining/ tight roping which was terrifying but perfect!

4. Where’s the next place on your travel bucket list and why?

I would absolutely love to go to the JIm henson mueseum. I have always admired the whymsy of his art especially fraggle rock and dark crystal!

5. What are your hobbies, and how did you get into them?

About 2 years ago i left a toxic friend group I used to have to devote all my time to them so when I left I had so much time to pick up hobbies. I draw,scuplt, throw knives, dance, sing, crochet, read, paint, thrift, and many other things.

6. What was your favorite age growing up?

8 was the best age for me. I was very smart compared to the rest of my  class back then along with that I also had my best birthday that year i asked for a mystic doll with a reverseable head and I also got a tiny donut keychain. It was perfect

7. What was the last thing you read?

Of mice and men. I havent finished it yet but holy shit it sad. I feel for Lennie very heavily i know what it feels like to be confused or to like something that ends up being something someone takes.

8. Would you say you’re more of an extrovert or an introvert?

Extrovert! my whole life everyone told me I was an introvert but I truly dont think I am. I am just an anxious extrovert.

10. What was the last TV show you binge-watched?

Beef on Netflix was so good truly and had a lot of nuance especially in the art world.

11. Are you into podcasts or do you only listen to music?

I can get down with podcasts. I love the whole concept of chatting to a stranger.

12. Do you have a favorite holiday? Why or why not?

Halloween. it's so unifying it the one day you can be anyone you want and act a way you to and not be questioned.

13. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?

Easy peasy pb and j. I have really bad stomach issues so I started eating blander food so i dont have to constantly take meds.pb and j can be made so differently along with that it give you everything you need!

14. Do you like going to the movies or prefer watching at home?

I love the theater its so fun to share the movie experience with strangers it makes me happpy to spend time with people.

15. What’s your go-to guilty pleasure?

Probably alittle drink. especially somthing strawberry flavored YUM!

16. How old were you when you had your first celebrity crush, and who was it?

as far back as I can remember I have had 2 celebrity crushes,beast boy from teen titans and donetello from the ninja turtles

17. What's one thing that can instantly make your day better?

Usually just a nice compliment does it for me.

18. Do you have any pet peeves?

When people make jokes about my struggles with addiction its just so uncalled for.

19. Which meal is your favorite: breakfast, lunch, or dinner?

LUNCH IT  IS THE BEST

20. What song always gets you out on the dance floor?

Tainted love by softcell

21. What activity instantly calms you?

Painting its hard to be angry when you are creating art 

22. Ideally, how would you spend your birthday?

Surrounded by friends and family with a big cake and lots of hugs.

23. What do you do on your commute to/from work?

Usually talk to my mom about what i am gonna do after work so i get in a good mood for the shift

24. What's your favorite season and why?

Fall its perfect and calm

25. What's the phone app you use most?

Easily pintrest!

26. Would you rather cook or order in?

Cook especially if I have company

27. What's your favorite board game?

payday!

28. How do you take your coffee?

I like all coffee alot but black coffee hits so different!

29 What's your most prized possession and why?

Probably my fnaf circus baby funko pop. my dad got her for me when i needed someone to care about the way i felt i needed that reassurance that someone cared

30. What would be the first thing you'd do if you won the lottery?

Give it to my family and friends. I feel content with how I live my life so anything I can do to help them!

31. How do you enjoy spending your alone time?

I like to draw alot but anymreo i crochet when i am alone and when im with people.

32. What’s the best concert you’ve ever been to?

I have never been to a concert sadly 

33. Do you have a favorite type of exercise?

VOLLEYBALL!!!!!!!

34. What causes are you passionate about?

I am really passionate about alot I believe everyone should have equal rights i am also very passionate about drug abuse being a disease and not a crime along with safe abortion.

35. What’s your favorite content genre (horror, sci-fi, rom-com, etc.)?

Horror comedy 

36. What’s an essential part of your daily routine?

 I try to say high to everyone i know even vaguely so they feel validated and knowo i care idk what i would do without doing that!

37. What’s the worst gift you’ve ever received, and what did you do about it?

I am a pretty thankful person so for me atleast i feel like anything is good

38. Who or what never fails to make you laugh?

My cousin Jay THEY ARE SO FUNNY FOR NO REASON! And I love them so talking to them brightens my day!

39. Do you like group activities, or prefer doing things solo?

GROUP ACTIVITIES!

40. What's your ideal first date?

A walk around the town and then get food an tell each other everything we know about ourselves- just really have  a heart to heart 

41. What would your perfect day look like?

Wake up at a decent time and have donuts with my parents then go out for a while with friends and then work and then back out with friends and maybe a fair!

42. Do you collect anything?

I collect alot of random shit- clowns,crystals,hotwheels, tech decks, batman figures, fnaf figures , candels

43. What's the best gift you've ever received, and why?

The best gift I ever received was probably my huge jar jar binks animatronic i got for free at a down town toy shop. 

44. What would your perfect meal look like?

Lots of veggies like a charcuterie board with fruit,veggies,cheese,meat, honey and crackers, and maybe baked beans<3

45. What's your favorite podcast?

Violating community guide lines

46. Is there one job you’d never ever do?

Honestly the only one i probably wouldnt do is be a hitman

47. What’s the first thing you do after getting home from work?

Change i hate smelling like sweat and syrup

48. Who or what inspires you in your career?

I am very inspired by small time creatives anyone who exspiriments with art.

49. How do you approach taking time off from work?

I am honest and only take off once every 3 months or so

50. What’s something an outsider wouldn’t know about your industry?

I am actually working for a mlm but our shop is a front HAHA

51. Do you have a morning routine at work? If so, what it’s like?

I work afternoon shift but the first thing I do is wash my friends put on 60s music and make  a cucumber drink.

52. Are you able to work from home, and if so, do you enjoy it?

I am also a part time illustrator other than a tea bar tender and yes i absolutely love it

53. Do you get along with all your coworkers?

YES I TRULY LOVE THEM ALL

54. What’s your favorite thing about your current job?

The people they all are so kind and respectful

55. What annoys you the most about your job?

Hmm not alot honestly probably just people who yell at me but i also understand they are struggling 

56. What’s the career highlight you’re most proud of?

The first book i got published it meant everything to me!

57. What type of role do you want to take on after this one?

Hmm I am not sure I just do what the world offers me!

58. Are you more of a "work to live" or a "live to work" type of person?

Live to work i want to always to enjoy everyday and just working to live would be miserable

59. Does your job make you feel happy and fulfilled? Why or why not?

YES the smiles and the nice words do it all!

60. How would your 10-year-old self react to what you do now?

She would be confused but in the end happy

61. What do you remember most about your first job?

The time i saw a lady with no teeth eat coleslaw with her hand

62. How old were you when you started working?

16 but before that I babysitted 

63. What’s the worst job you’ve ever had?

Cracker Barrel waitress holy shit it was bad. 

64. What originally got you interested in your current field of work?

I loved the tea we made and i drank it so much they asked if I just wanted a job HAHA

66. Have you ever had a side hustle or considered having one?

Yeah I have a few I sell art and clothes and other trinkets along with illustrating and babysitting

67. What’s the best career decision you’ve ever made?

The best career decision I ever made was speaking up I truly cant suggest anything better than takung what the world gives you and making it yours

68. What’s the worst career decision you’ve ever made?

I very often get burn out but I am working on it!

69. Do you consider yourself good at networking?

Absolutely not but thats okay!

70. What career advice would you give to your younger self?

Speak up you have valid things to say bby!

71. Do you believe in having a "five-year plan"?

Yes i think thatr considering the future is so important

72. When will you know you've "made it"?

I feel as though I already have  i have family and friends and a home and thats enough

73. Are you looking forward to retiring, or do you plan to work as long as possible?

I would like to work as long as possible

74. Have you ever had imposter syndrome?

Not  sure maybe just a  little

75. What qualities do you look for in a boss?

caring,respectful,fun

76. Do you have a professional mentor? If not, do you want one?

I would love one but i dont have one!

77. What energizes you about your career?

The kindness and the delicious taste of the tea

79. How do you motivate yourself in your career?

I Remind myself i need money to pay for the things i love and do things to help others

80. When you started your current job, what most surprised you?

How people who are normally kind to me at school are much ruder at work.

81. How do you pick yourself back up after making a mistake at work?

I Dance a lot. If i mess something up real bad i will fix it laugh and do a little dnace

82. How do you deal with work stress?

I remind myself everything is temporary 

83. What's one work-related thing you want to accomplish in the next year?

I want to host a sip and paint

84. Who has had the biggest impact on your career choice?

My mother she always helps me find new things and step out of my comfort zone

85. What does your family think of your career?

They are very proud of me

86. If you could do it all over again, would you pursue the same career? Why or why not?

I am not sure no matter what i would do i will continue to do what is offered to me 

87. Does your work routine vary, or does it look the same every day/week?

It varies a lot depending on the week 

88. What do you typically wear to work?

Employee teeshirt and jeans!

89. Have you ever had to relocate for work?

No  not yet!

90. Would you ever relocate for work, if you were asked to?

I would do whatever I needed to do for a good job

91. Have you ever been on a cool business trip?

YES RECENTLY FOR WORK I WENT TO CHICAGO IT WAS AMAZONG

92. How do you handle career setbacks?

I take a minute to reset and get back at it

93. How much time do you spend with your family?

ALOT

94. Who do you most like spending time with and why?

I honestly enjoy spending time with just about fanyone I love hearing other peoples ideas alot!

95. Which family member makes the best food?

My parents cooking compliments each other perfectly mh father learned how to cook in a restaurant while my moms mom passed down recipes and technique to her so its amazing!

96. How has your opinion of your family changed over the years?

When i was younger i use to be dumb and be upset at my mom all the time but now i am so much closer with everyone

97. If you’re close with your family, what’s the hardest part about spending time away from them? I miss my moms laugh and my dads funny jokes when we are apart. :(

98. Do you wish you had a bigger family, or are you happy with its current size?

HOnestly i am happy with what i have but the more the merrier 

99. Which family member has had the greatest impact on you?

My mother easily she is truly my rock

100. What’s your favorite story about your grandparents?

Probably the time my grandma with a broke arm tried to arm wrestle me over math homework

101. Have you ever mapped out your family tree?

YES my grandma is actually a genealogist! 

102. Were you close with your family growing up?

No sadly i was not

103. Who in your family makes you feel the safest?

Probably again my mom she is so strong!

104. Do you want a family of your own?

YES SO BADLY i want to have children so i can show them true love not challenged by generations of trauma

105. If you could change your relationship with a family member, would you? If so, with whom?

My nana i would love to be closer with her but she so unkind its very hard

106. What was it like growing up as the youngest/oldest/middle/only child?

I was the youngest but was always supposed to take care of the oldest i think that might be why i get such bad burn out because i started doing things everyone in my grade did but 2 years earlier

107. What’s your favorite family memory?

Hmm i have many but last summer my family played frisbee golf and then went to dairy king

108. Do you ever wish you were raised differently?

Yes and no is parenting hard yes were situations handled badly when i was younger often yes.

109. What’s the best piece of advice a family member has given you?

Once when i was younger and much more aggressive and frustrated i stayed up to late and had a panic attack and then my sibling said stop taking everything so seriously this isnt the end 

110. Do you wish you had more siblings? If so, why?

Yes and no i feel it would be nice but also i am content with one

111. Did you ever hide anything from or lie to your parents?

Yes but i dont blame them for it

112. What's your favorite way to spend time with your family?

Board games i am incredibly bad at games and it makes everyone laugh!

113. How do you show your family you love them?

Gifts hugs words treats stuff like that helping them in general

114. What’s your favorite family tradition?

Going to my grandmas on christmas

115. What's the most important holiday you spend with your family and why?

Christmas and because it just always has been i wonder when that started

116. What's something your family would be surprised to learn about you?

Probably just how bad my addiction was  i dont want them to be sad or view me as sick so i don't really tell anyone

117. Which family member do you confide in most?

Hmm honestly all of my nuclear family hears it all

118. How do you deal with arguments between family members?

I apologize and ask what i can do to help them feel better/

120. What's more important: family or friends?

Both i truly cannot pick

121. Do you have any friends you would consider family?

LITTERALLY ALL OF THEM I LOVE MY FRIENDS SO MUCH

122. What physical traits do you share with your relatives?

We all have large noses lol

123. What stories did your family members tell you growing up?

My dad used to make up stories for me and my sibling about them being a ballerina and me being an animal whisperer and wed do on adventures

124. How did your parents (and/or grandparents) meet?

The city cleaning center haha

125. What makes you proud of your family?

I am proud of them for everything they do

126. What can always bring your family together?

A new marvel movie

127. Do you share a name with anyone in your family?

Sadly no but iw ish i did

128. What activities do you like to do with your family today?

I love to paint with them

129. What activities did you love to do with your family growing up?

Probably play board games again lol

[hoodedpanda333]

The boys react to MC falling asleep on their shoulder while watching a movie.

(I'm 3/3 on the sleeping head canons. I write these when I'm super tired so perhaps my subconscious is telling me something? Nah!)

Lucifer:

At first he stiffens at the sudden contact

Once he realizes what's happening, his signature smirk snakes its way onto his face

He supposes he could allow you to rest for a bit

He certainly doesn't wish to be the one waking you up

Won't hesitate to pull you closer to him

You'd be more comfortable with your head in his lap

So that's where he puts you

He's careful not to wake you up

Is no longer paying attention to the movie

After all

What scene could be better than the one before him?

Mammon:

Literally jumps when you're head makes contact with his shoulder

Makes his surprised sound, you know the one

Tries to play it off like it's nothing

Everybody can clearly see he is struggling™

His eyes keep darting between you and the screen

His hands are so fidgety that he eventually pulls out his DDD in order to distract himself

He keeps coughing so he can hide his blush with his hand

Never wants this moment to end but holy hell MC how do you expect him to be ok after this???

Levi:

Wasn't really watching the movie anyway

Too busy playing his NinDevil Switch (idk) to look up at the screen

That all changes when the fire nation attacks

And by fire nation, I mean Levi's fiery red face

The second he feels you on his shoulder he is gone

No Levi here, nope

Just a life sized cardboard cutout he got from some human world convention in Tokyo

No but really

It's hard to tell the difference with how still he is

Without moving a muscle he looks at your sleeping face

Bad idea

He isn't sure what he's supposed to do in this situation

What would The Lord of Shadows do at a time like this????

Please stop cozying up to him like that MC, you're killing him!!!

Satan:

The movie was boring him anyway so he was, of course, reading instead

He didn't even notice you laying your head on his shoulder

Upon feeling the weight, he just assumed you were reading along with him

He starts to whisper the story aloud to you

Loud enough for you to hear him

But quiet enough so he didn't disturb the others

It makes it halfway through the rest of the book before he hears your soft breaths

He steals a glance and can't help the light blush that comes over his face when he sees you sound asleep

He's unsure if you had been asleep the whole time or not

He hopes him reading was soothing enough for you to fall asleep

He continues reading the story to himself

Absentmindedly, his hand begins to pet your head

His focus is too shot to continue reading

His mind too busy imaging him reading you to sleep every night

Asmo:

Oh no

MC you fool!

The second your head rests on Asmo's shoulder, your peaceful sleep was as good as gone

He immediately scoops you up and sits you in his lap

The rest of the night he is just gushing about how cute you looked

At some point he goes off about getting a pair of matching…

We'll just call them Pj's

Eventually he starts nuzzling against you

He's so warm and soft, no wonder you fell asleep on him

You'd honestly do it again–

He squeezes you in the midst of your thoughts

Or...maybe not

Can you blame him, though?

Beel:

Already on his fourth bowl, Beelzebub is more interested in his popcorn than anything on the screen

Ever had the argument of what snacks belong at a movie theater?

Beel just says "yes"

And yet, somehow, even with all the scents and flavors around him

He instantly recognizes yours

When you rest your head on his bicep (he's a tall boi ok?) he thinks you're asking for some food

It takes him eating the share he put aside for you before he notices you're asleep

He's just so precious ok

He immediately picks you up and carries you to your room

He gently places you in your bed

Before he leaves, however, he's stopped by a sleepy little tug on his tank top

Chuckling, he lays beside you

He's too nervous to hold you in fear of crushing you accidentally

So instead he decides to continue his binge with the snacks he took with him

After all, carrying someone works up quite the appetite

Belphie:

Would you be surprised to hear that he was asleep?

It's already super late and sitting next to Belphie always makes you slightly tired due to his demonic influence

That and the face that his pillow is against your arm

And he always looks so cozy

Just watching him was enough to cause you to drift away

You're head rests against his

The cow patterned pillow is barely enough for the two of you to share

You're both sound asleep with the remaining brothers watching you

Perhaps feeling their jealousy, Belphie grins and pulls you closer to him

Amazing what he can do in his sleep

The un/datables

[bittermuire]

a nightlight and a bottle of wine

recently I’ve really loved nezriel and wanted to write a lil thing for them. this will be two parts, this is the first. modern au

---

It’s not like Nesta really knew what she was doing when she moved out. All she knows is that there is a rift between her and Feyre; a scar splitting their shared skin, a wound opening and reopening, never to heal.

And so she’s away. They’ve made their mistakes and let them be. They’ve hurt each other and even tried to love, but sisters love each other too much for love—and so she’s away. The guilt is still there, but farther from her, now. Nesta stirs it into her morning coffee and drinks the sleep, wiping it from beneath her eyes and the lines around her mouth.

Every so often Cassian will text her, inviting her out to dinner or to a work party, and Nesta resists the urge to throttle him. He’s a very smart, thirty-five year old man. He should know what cutting off someone means.

(He knows, of course he knows. She guesses he just thinks it doesn’t apply to him.)

His roguish charm, his smirk, his low voice, all inviting her to one thing—sex—was beginning to exhaust her. It’s a surprising relief to be away from him. She feels like she can wear tank tops and let her hair down and go out without a bra, relieved he won’t be there to stare.

(Was she really so afraid of him?)

So Nesta lives her life and drinks her coffee, wears her tank tops and sleeps in her underwear, finally a woman in the way she’s always wanted to be; she feels discrete from the rest of the world but in a near comforting way. She has no one to disappoint, no one to miss. Her world is confined to very few people and her mind allows for one.

•

But there are things that trip her up. Remaining ties.

One such: the nightlight clipped to her bed. It’s cheap, a gaudy silver. She’s sure Azriel bought it for no more than two dollars.

But she uses it every night.

(This trips her up.)

It’s a routine she’s given to herself, written into the margins of her life; she climbs into bed, smooths the blankets over her legs, grabs her book, opens it on her lap, then twists and switches on the light. It illuminates the page with a pretty, golden sun. She uses it religiously. She thinks that if she lost it, some intrinsic part of her might be lost as well, and this frightens her.

Remaining ties should be snipped. These last threads should be spooled up, put away, hidden in the bottom drawer.

She switches it on anyway, watches the light trace the letters.

(Sometimes she thinks she is the black stamp of letters. The utter bleakness of them on the smooth page. Sometimes she thinks she is what ruins the paper. She is what ruined the paper. There’s a reason she is here and they are there.)

•

November 19th.

Happy birthday to me.

She buys a cake from the supermarket and blows out the candle.

There’s a knock at the door, late at night. Not thinking to check, she goes to open it, and there stands Azriel, still in the doorway, bottle of wine in hand.

“Happy birthday,” he says bluntly.

She lets him in for some reason she still doesn’t understand, and they end up drinking a glass together. It’s from Cassian, the wine—his favorite. Azriel tells her that Cassian didn’t think she’d take it from him.

“So he asked you,” she says.

He smiles. “Because you like me.”

1:00 AM, and they’re still drinking. They barely talk. They just sit; they sit on the kitchen stools, then the rickety chairs, then the floor, then the couch, then back to the floor. His cheeks are pink, his words slurred.

“Why’d you come?” she asks, peering down at where he lays, splayed out, on the carpet.

(He’s not the kind for favors, she knows that.)

Opening his eyes, he fixes his gaze on her. He smiles sleepily.

“Happy birthday, Nesta.”

•

She doesn’t really celebrate for the holidays. Her apartment is bare, save a pair of twinkling bells on the kitchen counter, tied with a red ribbon. Sometimes when she’s cooking she’ll give them a little ring.

The letter comes in the mail—from Feyre, clearly put there by her own hand. It’s an invitation to dinner, for the winter solstice. They’re celebrating early this year because they’re going out of town for a few weeks.

(Please don’t feel pressured to come. We were going to leave you be but Az, since he’s so considerate, thought you might appreciate an invite.)

Nesta picks up her phone and texts Feyre a simple no thanks.

•

The next morning, she opens her door to a bottle of wine. Its neck is tied with a cherry red ribbon, and there’s a note—“If you’re ever lonely, give me a call. It’s my favorite.”

She doesn’t need to see who it’s from to know.

She smiles and picks it up, taking it inside.

•

It bites, the loneliness.

She wasn’t prepared for the quiet.

She traded in insults and jabs and sweaty hands at dinner tables for nothing, nothing, nothing. Silence in the shower, silence over breakfast. Over time, it’s begun to grate on her skin, sift between the strands of her hair, and she feels like she’s swimming a meter below the surface, ears clogged, vision blurred.

And slowly, she’s started to cry; she cries when the silence is too loud, when her aloneness is real, when she realizes the ugly truth of it all. She’s alone, she has nobody, she’s alone.

She picks up her phone and dials his number. “Let’s drink your wine.”

A small quiet. “I thought you’d never ask.”

“That wasn’t a question.”

“I know, Nesta,” he laughs. “I’ll be there.”

•

They don’t drink at all, actually. She starts crying again the minute she sees his face.

“Nesta?”

•

“I’m fine, really.”

They’re walking down the aisle of the grocery store, weeks later.

“I don’t believe you.”

“I’m doing better, I am.”

He shrugs. “I don’t care. Pick a flavor. We’ll eat it, we’ll watch a movie.” He looks her up and down, brow creased. “You need two things—no, make that three things.”

She huffs a laugh, sticking her hand into the freezer and pulling out a carton. “What?”

“Sleep, ice cream, and company.” He grins. “And now you’ve got me.”

“Lucky me.”

“Lucky you.”

•

He’s seen her beautiful; he’s seen her ugly. He’s seen her in her rattiest apron with flour crusted into her fingernails. He’s seen her laugh so hard she cries, watched her slam her head into an open cupboard door, driven her to the hospital when she sliced her hand open with a knife. They’re together a lot, she realizes. They’re not halves; they’re one and one, and one and one make two, and they stand as two together on sidewalks, squinting at menus in the windows of restaurants, and they pet dogs in the park (Nesta always asks, because Az gets shy), and they take walks at midnight, and they live their lives contentedly next to each other’s. She starts to wonder if he splits his life into two—into Cassian and Rhys and Mor and Feyre, and into her, the girl who walked away. She’d like to know why he followed her.

Sometimes she’ll catch herself staring. Even before Cassian, she’d thought Azriel was the most beautiful of the three; all graceful, sloping shadows, soft and deep eyes, curling black hair. Her heart doesn’t know what to do anymore. It skips a beat when she sees him, but calms when she’s near him. It races when he leans close, falls to steadiness when he slings his arm over her shoulders. She can’t decide if she loves him like this or loves him like that. He means so much to her, means so many different things, that to give him a singular word wouldn’t fit.

She calls him Azriel, Az, Steve, Steven Shadow, Mr. Shadow, Ralph, Ron, He of the Candied Pecans, You. He responds to all of it. Recently he told her that it wasn’t because of the name, but because of the voice—(of course I don’t know who Ralph is, Nesta, but your voice, it’s your voice you use for me)—and she felt warm for reasons she couldn’t understand.

She shows up unannounced at his apartment when it’s a bad night. He does the same.

•

“Tell me the truth,” she begins, tipsy. “Did you like me before?”

“What?”

“Did you like me before?”

He frowns. “Elaborate.”

“Before you learned I’m a nice person. Back at the townhouse. When I hated everyone and was rude to you.”

“Oh.” He laughs a little. “I always liked you,” he says, and then his face settles into something like sadness. Nesta watches him closely. “I didn’t like… the way you made me feel, though. I’d see you down the hall, tired and everything, a stick of a person, and Rhys would make some joke, and I’d hate him.”

She blinks.

He looks down. “I’d never hated him before.”

There’s a tension between them. It’s common enough to be recognizable, but not enough to be familiar. She’s on edge, unsure.

The silence seeps in.

“And I hated myself, too,” he says. His eyes flick back up to hers.

Her breath catches in her chest. “I hated myself because I didn’t do anything. So I stayed away.”

“I’m sorry,” she whispers, overwhelmed. Everything is building; everything is quiet. His eyes are deep and dark and swirling. He shakes his head slightly, leaning closer, slowly, slowly, and she sees it all happen—he takes her face in his hands. She can see the stray strand of hair on his forehead, the one eyelash resting by his nose, the mole right above his mouth.

“I watched you fade,” he breathes. “I watched them pull you around.”

She twines one finger into his hair, trying to bring him closer, trying to have him closer. Come here, Azriel. Come with me. Be with me, love me, because I love you.

“I’m sorry,” she says again, because it’s all she can say.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” he murmurs, and kisses her.

•

“Wait,” he says, reaching up.

“What?”

He touches the nightlight. “You kept this?”

She laughs, curled into his side, and says, “Of course I did.” He drops a kiss to her hair. “They all bought me books. You made it easy to read them.”

—-

@acosfisfeysandpropaganda I finally wrote it!!

[honestlyfrance]

SAMBUCKY BOOKMARKS

it’s fic yeah friday over at @fuckyeahsambucky​​​ so i wanna do a lil something something for the fandom :) check out my #fic rec tag for more! 

enjoy the more than 50 fics listed here :) be careful of the tags!

I Am Trying to Break Your Heart by Lunar_Pull

Today is the day that Steve received an invitation to the love of his life’s wedding.

Philopatry by Areiton

"I want to be safe," he says. "But I'm not." "Then why come here? Why put me at risk?" Something flickers in his eyes, little boy lost and utterly cold, and it makes Sam want to give the dude a hug and also pull his sidearm. "I have no reason to hurt you," Winter says. "I don't want to hurt you," Bucky adds, earnestly.

farmhouse by Tazmaster

"You know, I think I'd want a farmhouse."

"A what?" Sam turns to look at him, slightly annoyed. This was the first thing Bucky has said in the past hour and a half they've been cramped in this god forsaken car. He had a knack for impulsively voicing his dumb thoughts at the worst times, but whenever you wanted to know what was actually going on in that head of his, he'd never say.

They were staking out the front gate of a large mansion, very much not a farmhouse. It was mind numbingly boring, being stuck in a beetle with absolutely nothing else to do than stare at the gaudy gates of some rich asshole.

"A farmhouse," Bucky repeats nonchalantly, "If we ever get out of this business, or you know, live long enough to retire maybe--- I want a farmhouse. With a lot of animals."

---

Bucky keeps talking about a farmhouse and it drives Sam crazy, that is until he finally asks why.

Employee Discount by bopeep for queenmab_scherzo

Sam Wilson doesn't love working in a store that makes him wear vanity-sized polos and breathe in clouds of men's cologne like the worst kind of GQ aromatherapy, but the view from his cash register across the mall to the Hot Topic and the sullen Dark Prince of Wallet Chains he loves to hate may just beat the minimum wage blues.

In warm water, swimming down by targaryen_melodrama

“Why are you hiding?””Tired.”Bucky raises an eyebrow. “So you decided to swim.”“So I decided to be alone.”Bucky’s quiet for a moment. “I can go, if you want.”It’s the last thing Sam wants.

I figured out what the slashes mean by Teaismycoffee

Sam, Steve and Bucky are all living together in a safe house. Bucky and Sam discover fan fiction written about them. Steve doesn't approve. Sam and Bucky are really into secretly reading fan fiction together, or maybe it isn't the fan fiction part they are really into.

Chicken Soup for the Soul by bioloyg

“S’not my bed time,” Sam says as he buries his face in Bucky’s upper arm. Bucky laughs. “Tough. You’re sick.” Sam lets out a loan groan and says, “But my bed is cold. I was so warm, why’d you move me?” “Because your neck would’ve hated you if I didn’t.” He tries not to be so amused by how fussy Sam is when he’s both sick and half-asleep. It’s cute. ~ A fic wherein Bucky takes care of a sick Sam.

two nights in L.A. by CapnWinghead

Bucky kindly volunteered Sam to be a groomsman for Scott’s upcoming wedding. Of course, that meant Sam and Bucky had to go to the bachelor party.

at the end of the war (what's mine is yours) by notcaycepollard

They don't talk about it: that's how it works.

I'd Like That by honestlydarkprincess

Sam has been up for over 24 hours and has been dreaming about his Coffee Caramel Fudge non-dairy ice cream since about the 18-hour mark. When he gets to the store, there's only one carton of it left and, unfortunately for the guy innocently holding said carton, Sam's not leaving without it.

Or, the one where Sam is sleep deprived, yells at a cute guy, and gets both ice cream and a phone number out of it.

Ready, Set, Date! by bioloyg

Bucky wants to sleep, Natasha wants to find him a date for Steve's wedding (so he'll leave her alone), and Sam is the best thing about this whole speed dating disaster. But, Sam's not in the speed date rotations - he's at a different table weathering through dates just like Bucky is. ~ "Three dates in, Bucky decides he has made one of the worst decisions in all of his life by coming here. His first date had been an attractive enough man by the name of Greg. He introduces himself as “The Big G,” to which Sam laughs at in the middle of introducing himself to his own date. Greg likes to talk about cars a lot, which is fine. Bucky also likes cars. The only problem is that Greg’s love for cars borders on… erotic."

We'll rise up free and easy by Sarsaparilla, woofgender

Steve and Natasha are away on a mission when Sam receives intel about the Winter Soldier’s location. When he follows the lead, Sam finds something unexpected—but despite his initial impression, it’s certainly not all bad. (Post-CATWS, not AOU- or CACW-compliant.)

__________ "'Jesus Christ,' Sam said, 'Are you planning on fighting an entire army?'

Barnes looked up from examining the sights of a sniper rifle. '...no,' he said, a little guiltily, and adjusted one of the--five? Six? guns he’d already strapped to himself."

love is in the air (i smell coffee) by Flora_K, hermionesmydawg

Sam Wilson - graduate student, part-time barista, part-time salesman, and full-time father - doesn't have time to sleep, much less date. At least, that's what he tells himself.

Up at Night by bioloyg for lunaaltare

With Halloween nearing, Sam is feeling more in the mood for a scary movie than usual. He'd never watch one on his own though, so he invites his roommate to pick one out and join in on movie night. or Prompt fill for Samtember ~ "It’s quiet for a while after that. Like always, the two of them start on opposite sides of the queen sized bed with at least a foot of space between them. And, like always, they drift closer to one another as time passes, though whether it’s habitual or instinctual Sam would never dare delve into."

flowers in darkness, the moon above the sea by 27dis

Sam enjoyed his job, really.

But, not when a certain person came in.

A quick detour and a sudden arrival by iwillnotbecaged for heuradys

He found Wilson shivering in the snow, left for dead. Sloppy.

You couldn’t trust the elements to do your job for you. They were rarely so obliging.

A mission gone awry, unexpected help, and close quarters makes for an interesting couple of days.

Don't lock the door on me by TuskFM

Sam’s desperately trying to sleep when he gets a visit from the Winter Soldier at three a.m., bleeding and asking for help. Sam’s not the kind of guy who let someone bleed out on his front door, even if the said someone threw him off an helicarrier and stole his wheel.

and i run, further than before by hermionesmydawg

"What do they call you?" Bucky carefully pulls out an equal amount of caramel and cheese kernels of popcorn and pops them into his mouth. "Birdman?"

"No."

"Captain Canary?"

"Hell no."

"The Winged Avenger?"

"Falcon, dammit, and I am not an Avenger," Sam snaps, and now he's kinda pissed because yes, it's a bird name. He didn't sign up for this kind of ridicule from an amnesiac assassin.

***

Basically, the 5 times Sam actually found Bucky and the 1 time he tried to hide from him. Don't tell Steve.

Exquisite Flavor by enchantedlightningwrites for honestlyfrance

W&M's Grand Corner's growing to be one of the popular restaurants in New York, where Sam Wilson works as a chef for his sister. A wedding's in a few weeks and he has no idea on what to do about it. Notorious for his picky taste and blunt reviews, Bucky 'Winter Wolf' Barnes pays a visit. Little did he know, food could really win one's heart and lands on his stomach.

He's a Beta, You Hear That? by 27dis

Reasons why Sam didn’t realize Bucky was courting him this entire time: 1. He is a beta 2. He is oblivious 3. He thought Bucky is way out of his league 4. He is a beta for fuck’s sake

See? It’s hardly his fault for not noticing it. Why was Bucky flirting with him anyw—

Oh. Oh.

Or; Bucky swore flirting with someone was never this hard before.

stay where we belong by glittercake

He doesn't know what the hell he's doing when he turns around and shouts, "Yo! You know what—" and Barnes turns on his heel in a flash, "It's getting late, man. Looks like rain."

Sam motions to the grey sky above, and Barnes follows his eyes beyond the hanging Willow branches. "Yeah? What are you saying?"

He's got that terribly smug look on his face, the one Sam can't stand but kind of misses when it's not irritating him. But mostly, he can't stand it, "Nothing! Forget about it!"

Arms Spread Out Wide, Turn Falling Into Flight by irisesandlilies

It was easy, nothing has ever been easy for Bucky. Except this, and that terrifies him.

Years in the making by glittercake

Bucky and Sam meet as two young soldiers, but the time is never quite right to make it anything more. Until it eventually is.

or

Sam refuses to let himself fall in love while he's deployed. Bucky pines endlessly for years about the prettiest bird he’s ever seen. Sam’s no better.

If At First You Don't Succeed by SonnyD

Bucky finally gains the courage to tell Sam about his feelings. He comes up with a list of methods to woo him that were bound to succeed. He didn't account for each and every one of them failing in unexpected ways. The five times that Bucky attempts to woo Sam and the one time that Sam returns the favour.

if i could take us back, if i could just do that... by safelikespringtime

Bucky laughed, cheeks flushing red, “I’m glad you didn't. Don't know what I’d do without my wingman.” Sam groaned, poking Bucky’s side, “That was awful.” Bucky laughed. “You couldn’t survive without me. We both know it.”

How right he was.

***

Sam dies. Bucky mourns.

Strawberries and Cigarettes always taste like you by winterscaptsam

There’s a sweet agonizing simplicity in leaving behind your safe haven, like the thrill of adrenaline, reaching the top of Everest, allowed to admire its beautiful icy view but with the everlasting fear of not making it back down. Maybe that's why it was a natural instinct for Bucky to reach out for the closest thing that felt like home, slowly then all at once falling for the sweet warmth of mahogany eyes, what soon became his safe haven.

Baked With Love by Siancore

Bucky Barnes’ family owns a bakery in a small town. High school has long been over, and Bucky is dying to move to the city to pursue a musical career with his band. And his future looks promising, if he can just persuade his father to let him leave his job behind at their struggling family bakery.

It is no secret that Bucky used to love baking with his father, but things change. He just can’t fathom wasting his life away watching rising dough and hot ovens. With his mind made up to leave, Bucky convinces his father to advertise for a replacement. While interviewing candidates to fill the position he has vacated, Bucky meets Sam Wilson: An easy-going guy who is as eager about baking as Bucky is about leaving. They bond over baking and become close. Love looks like it is ready to bloom between them if Bucky, in his haste to escape, does not ruin it.

Beneath this Crown by winterscaptsam

Sam traces his fingers from James’ hairline, down to his jaw, resting the pad of his thumb on James lips. He will let himself relish in this feeling. Not even the sculptors, painters or poets could carve their words and materials to accurately describe this.

“Do you think the history books will remember us?” Sam had once asked. And James’ words were made of the purest of golds, “my love, we will be legends for the children yet to come.”

Or

Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes' love story, one a prince and the other a knight.

make my body come alive (i've got a right to hurt inside) by notcaycepollard

The body is weak. The body is hungry and soft and human. He looks at himself in the mirror, the bones of his shoulders, his cheeks hollowed out from hunger, and he thinks, gentle, you didn’t deserve this.

safe like spring time by quidhitch

“I already told you it looks good. What more is there?”

“I don’t know, man, you’re gonna live here. I just wish I knew a little bit more about how that’s sitting with you.”

Sam knows Bucky feels fine. What Sam’s probably actually after is how he feels about the fact neither of them have anywhere else to go, not with Natasha dead and Steve wrinkly. Therapists. Even the good ones, always so circular.

“I like the terrace,” Bucky offers, mostly to appease him.

Airy Laundry by AmarieMelody

Sam watches what happens when Bucky buys a clothesline.

lucky by CapnWinghead

In retrospect, it took Bucky an embarrassingly long time to realize that everyone and Scott's mom thought he and Sam were dating.

not an end, but (the start of all things) by notcaycepollard

They keep driving, for lack of anything better to do. A mission, Sam had said, and maybe that's true; maybe wherever they're headed is the way out, the way up.

So You Run On Gasoline by 343EnderSpark, ABitNotGoodieBag, OriginalCeenote

Bucky may have bitten off more than he could chew with this job, he thinks, as he ambles along the sidewalk to the cafe after leaving campus. He is running off the fumes of exhaustion and hasn’t had more than 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep in the past week. Between his students and his thesis, he knows that it’s foolish to try so hard to hang on to his barista gig, but DC isn’t a cheap place to live and Bucky can’t live with other people.

Bucky is just trying his best, despite being a human disaster.

we could jump the state lines (we only get the one life) by notcaycepollard

It starts in Paris.

“You can’t steal things just because you like them,” Sam tells Bucky, feeling innately that this is a losing battle, and Bucky cocks his head to the side, considers Sam very thoughtfully.

“Really,” he says. “I’m stealing you, aren’t I?”

we were a fire with no smoke by notcaycepollard

Sam can’t help but roll his eyes. Take the boys out of New York but they’re still Brooklyn Catholics, that’s clear enough. Bucky catches the gesture, smirks hard enough Sam can see his eye teeth. It should be dangerous but he’s beautiful, pale and charming and recklessly easy.

“You wanna come in?” Sam asks, ignoring the noise Steve makes, and Bucky’s smile gets wider.

“Yeah,” he says. Steps up close to Sam. “I do.”

Peace Begins with a Smile by Siancore

Bucky just likes the way Sam smiles.

They're Good Drones, Brent by chase_acow

When Redwing becomes infected with an alien A.I., Sam has to balance the needs of the team with his own curiosity about his new partner. Redwing isn’t the only one acting strange, he also needs to get to the bottom of Bucky’s weirdness. It takes a training exercise gone wrong that Redwing and Sam might not survive for their secrets to be exposed.

Wet Asphalt (This Is What Love Is) by ObviouslyOtter

Soft words in the dark tell us all we need to know about love. Better when they come from the person you need to hear it from most. It's crueler when you don't realize it till afterward.

Or

Sam and Bucky go out shopping for candles.

i'm gone by bi_marvel

After infiltrating a Hydra base, Sam and Bucky are sent to a safe house, and there's only one bed. Oh, golly, I wonder what will happen!

Covert Coffee & Flirtation Special by glittercake

The reporter says "—for Captain America to—"

And Bucky rolls his eyes. "Oh, here we go."

Sam looks at him then tips his head sideways, got a weird grin on his face. "Not a fan?"

"Not that. Just… the guy seems too good to be true, right? Wings and a shield? Come on."

"Uh, is that why your eyes are like glued to the screen whenever he's on?" Kate says. "Is that why you call him Captain Tight Ass?"

"He's a goddamn show-off, and you know it. Tight ass or not."

Just then Sam snorts, real loud, grabs his coffee and suffers a horribly controlled laugh on his way out the door.

The Starting Line by birdlight

A Series

Lone and Level Sands by quantum_consciousness

The almost-smile disappears off Sam’s face and he takes a step deeper into the water, and he starts unbuttoning his shirt as he wades further. One look over his shoulder and he chucks the shirt to shore, and Sam dives into the water. The ache in Bucky’s chest deepens as Sam swims. He supposes, Sam has lost a lot more, he supposes, sometimes Sam feels as lonely as he used to.

in which love doesn’t ruin us by joesnick

“Idiot,” Bucky said, so natural and deliberate that she couldn’t hear well but it was there. Relief and happiness under a small light. “Don’t do that to me again.”

“Hey, I’m here,” Sam said, before getting closer and pressing his forehead against Bucky’s. “I’m here.” They ran out of words. They didn’t need them, not at that moment. Their steadying breaths and their tenderness, saved only for each other and fed by each other, was all they needed.

Ride of Shared Melodies by enchantedlightningwrites for honestlyfrance

Two strangers, Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson meet in an unexpected encounter in the airplane. Over the course of the ride, they discover their mutual love for music and connect.

Let's Fly Away by Unclesteeb

"If I could fly, I could go anywhere. I could do anything.”

Sam’s mom gives his shoulder a gentle pat. “You can in your own way.”

“How?”

“Sammy, all you have to do to be as free as a bird is to just do the right thing.”

Sam furrows his brow. “What does that mean?”

“Well,” Sam's mom starts. “The right thing is doing nice things for people. It's treating everyone how you would want to be treated. It's going out of your way to help people and love them, even if they're not nice to you at first or at all. People deserve love, and I know you have plenty to give.” She leans down to give his cheek a kiss. “All you have to do to find your wings and fly free is to just do what you feel is right. You have a beautiful heart, Sam. I know you'll use it the right way. Then you'll fly.”

Been one of those days (can I lean on you?) by hazel_eyed_bi

Sam and Bucky wrap up an exhausting, weeks-long mission, only to go back to their mutual pining while forced to share a bed at a crappy motel. Also, Nat knows what's up.

Find your love and fight for it by winterscaptsam

Sam learns to love again, quiet and composed. Love letters stay in between walls and stolen kisses don’t leave his apartment. It's not that it's a secret, loving Bucky the way he does, lord knows he’d scream it from the rooftops, travel all the way to space to let any living life form know it as well. But that’s the problem, he just doesn’t know how and it aches him to his core to keep Bucky like a secret, like this love is something to be ashamed of.

Or

Sam decides it's about time to come out.

Kings of Everything by glittercake

Twenty-five years after the events at a popular New York Bistro, Timothy DumDum Dugan tells the true story of infamous mobster Jimmy Buchanan and the man he gave it all up for.

arson we commit by winterscaptsam

Bucky seeks adventure, reaches out for an adrenaline rush whenever he can get it and he reckons this fellow will be the one to give it to him. All sweet smiled and dolled up figure showing off his attributes. Like he’s daring anyone to take the rush.

So, Bucky goes and gets what he wants.

“What’s your damage, doll?”

Or

Bucky is the hitman and Sam is the target.

The Boys of Summer by Siancore for avintagekiss24

Sam Wilson returns home to the small town he grew up in to complete his med school residency. He hasn’t been back for an extended amount of time since he left for college. While he only consistently kept in touch with childhood friend, Steve Rogers, he was keen to see the people he had grown up with. With the exception of Bucky Barnes. They had a falling out the summer before Sam left for college. What happened between them? Can they move past it now that they’re adults?

Sam's Plan by OhHelloFandoms123

“I have a plan,” Sam said smugly, hands on his hips. “I have a three-step plan for you to marry me.” At first, he thought he was joking. Then, he saw Sam’s genuine smile.

Bucky groaned, “there is no way in HELL that I’m marrying YOU, Wilson.”

Wreck In the West by OhHelloFandoms123 for honestlyfrance

There’s just something about leaning on his chest as the sun goes down and the smell of tea whilst into the air feels so amazing. And he was a wreck because of it, it tore him apart and put himself back together because it was so blissful, he almost couldn’t breathe at first.

OR

Gay cowboy proposal.

Belonging Season by OhHelloFandoms123

Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes have lived their most happy, married life for 70 years. Death won’t stop them today for living an eternity.

neverending; by glittercake

Sam passes away after a long and happy life with Bucky, but Bucky never ages and life keeps introducing him to Sam's reincarnates for the next 156 years.

Lighthouse by glittercake

This guy’s trouble. Bucky knows that in his bones. It’s not bad trouble, is the problem, it’s good. Sam is so goddamn inherently good and if Bucky even touches that with a ten foot pole—fuck if he even looks at it—it’ll turn to shit.

He can’t afford another move to yet another city because his colleagues started recognizing Brock’s fist prints on his face.

But Sam is a ridiculously bright glowing light, a beacon, and Bucky goes toward it like that idiotic moth to the flame.

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