#and its also just a very pretty car
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doctorweebmd · 3 months ago
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ok my OTHER reflection:
on the one hand its really frustrating to see the posts about docs and healthcare in general on here be so narrow-minded. bad experiences with certain providers have lead to a huge spread of misinformation and mistrust with the whole system. which can and HAS lead to people avoiding 'evil' doctors for perfectly treatable illnesses and dying from them (the vaccine bullshit, anyone?)
but on the other hand. it is TERRIFYING how some of these docs practice medicine. at times i think 'are you just burned out and don't give a shit or are you straight up just stupid?' and i work in critical care. where quite literally every case is life or death. even in the academic sector where there is supposedly a standard of excellence, some doctors i would not let touch my loved ones with a ten foot pole.
and that sucks. i know this is the no nuance piss on the poor webbed site but 'the medical system and people that work for it are fallible and aspects of it are morally questionable at best/unethical at worst' AND 'the field of medicine exists to help people first and foremost and mistrusting/avoiding it can be detrimental in the long run' can and DO co-exist
#also. folks i hate to tell you but 'doctors get big pharma kickbacks and they can cure you but just choose not to to get more money'#is a very tempting conspiracy theory. but it is SO UNTRUE.#hey listen. if someone is telling you they can 'cure' your disease magically if you just take x vitamin THEY ARE LYING#even miraculous cures like bone marrow transplants for autoimmune disease and CAR-T therapy#have such severe side-effects that they quite literally kill you#i can't tell you how many times i've taken care of people who#had their cancer 'cured' but the treatment ruined their kidneys/heart/lungs#or fucked their immune system so bad that a common bacteria could completely take them out#anyone selling you miracles is L Y I N G#i understand that a lot of this anger is around disability and chronic illness and psych and i get that. intimately.#its 100% accurate to say that a patient who researched independently about ehlers-danlos or POTS knows more about it than i do.#and its hard to see the profession as 'people who sincerely ARE trying to help' when you actively work with people who fucking suck#and you think like 'you went to school. you went through all this training. you (presumably) passed boards'#we should have at least around the same level of knowledge#but that is often not the case#still#making large scale statements about an entire profession (especially when its supposed to be a civic service) is just... not good#my two cents rec for this is:#if you think you have something rare or unusual try to find a doc that specialized in this i.e. go to an academic center.#trainees are less set in their ways and can think outside the box PLUS if there are new/innovative treatments they would have them#if you need pretty much ANY surgery. private is the way to go#you want surgeons with high volume and experience#surgical techniques do not change on the dime. most havent changed in 50+ years. a lot of other medicine DOES#(this of course does not apply to specialized surgeries like whipple or PTE or schwannoma resection - go to academics for that)#if its REALLY rare whether medical or surgical your GP will not know what to do with you#academic centers are referral centers. they are more likely to have the right tools to diagnose/treat#where was i going with this?#oh yeah i had an odd interaction with an ED doc admitting to me last night that was NOT practicing within current standard of care#and was just so casual and assured i started to doubt MYself. like. am I the crazy one?!?!#like i'm young i dont know everything SURE
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skitskatdacat63 · 1 year ago
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Vettonso x Similar Helmets
SV Germany 2012 x FA Monaco 2013: Gold & Dark Red
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I think a lot about Vettonso and their mutual relationship witn gold. They're both golden boys, they're both seen lit gold by the sunshine on many podiums throughout the years, both have worn golden boots, and as you can see here: both have worn golden helmets. The parallels in these particular helmets makes me feel insane. Both are: gold with dark red accents, both have their birthplace's coat of arms(Bergstraße and Asturias), both have team animal motifs, and both have symbols to represent their two championships(You by now know the signifigance of the ones on Fernando's helmet, but I think the ones on Seb's are actually a callback to his Formula BMW days when he used to put the smiley stickers on his car for every win.)
And did you know both of these helmets were designed by the same helmet design company? Yep, both of these are JMD helmets. I know JMD helmets are/were pretty popular, but still, there's something to me about Fernando commissioning the same designer that Seb has been using since he was a literal child. Parallels, am I right?
SV Japan 2010 x FA Japan 2023: White with Black & Red
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Haha I remember @protocolseben and I discussing this a bit back in September when Fernando's helmet dropped. I honestly think Seb is such an innovator and trailblazer in terms of helmet design, and you can see his influence in helmet design as recently as this past season. I'm not sure if he was the first ever driver to don a matte white helmet with red accents as a representation of the Japanese flag, but it certainly envoked him in my mind when I saw Fernando's!!
I think Fernando's is pretty similar to all of Seb's 2010-2012 Japan helmets but I like this one the most so! I think if Seb wasn't restrained by the Red Bull logo, he def wouldv'e put the red circle where Nando put his so I think Fernando did a really good job, even if unintentionally, at emulating Seb's sense of design.
SV Singapore 2012 x FA Singapore 2012: Sparkly!
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Like I said in the one above, it's crazy how much Seb influenced helmet design. He was pretty much the pioneer of sparkly helmets for Singapore, right? It drives me absolutely insane that there's actually pictures of them together in such similar designed helmets. It's kinda funny actually that even though they're pretty deep in the championship fight at this point, and Seb just got one up on Fernando; Fernando is wearing a helmet that is a direct influence from Seb!!! Is that not insane???
Also, Fernando trying to be camp with trying the now in vogue sparkly Singapore helmet, and Seb accidentally completely blew him out of the water with his outrageous light up LED constellation helmet. But god yeah....to have pics of them in matching helmets from this era particuarly makes me emotional ;;;
SV Hungary 2021 x FA 2022: Pink with Dark Blue
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I really could've picked any of Seb's 2021 helmets, but I thought this one matched the best with Fernando's main 2021 helmet(with the color pallet.) Also one thing, it's crazy how much control BWT has as a sponsor, I don't think I've ever seen another sponsor go so hard at having a chokehold on individuality. I like that we got pink liveries and pink helmets, but I don't think they should have that much control.
I'm almost kinda sad there wasn't any Miami GP in 2021, because I think that was the only unique helmet Fernando had in 2022. But these match pretty well! Pretty in pink!! It's crazy that their parallels in the 2020s are ongoing even before Fernando actually takes over Seb's seat. Thanks BWT I guess?
SV Abu Dhabi 2022 x FA Abu Dhabi 2022: Fernando's Seb Tribute Helmet
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AND HERE WE HAVE THE PIÈCE DE RÉSISTANCE!!! The ultimate conclusion, it literally couldn't get better than this!! This is still unbelievable, like how is this an actual thing that happened!? Fernando intentionally branding his helmet, the only symbol of individuality in F1, with his rival's flag colors, HIS FLAG!!!!! Not to mention the literal "Vettono Best Moments" collage he posted alongside it....and the hand-holding....and everything that happened with them at Abu Dhabi 2022....
But god, after years of incidentally making parallel helmet designs, Fernando decided to officially tie the knot of the red string of fate, and make a helmet directly referencing Seb's. I think it's funny because as I said with two of the previously mentioned ones, those Fernando designs are pretty much inspired by Seb's, and here he is openly making one directly inspired by Seb. I don't really have words for how this actually makes me feel because it's just. Yeah. The most open and clear declaration of love and respect and admiration one could ever make. TO ME.
#all of my posts subheading should be: 'its probably not that deep BUT-'#i can't believe ive made two deeply researched and beloved posts in a row one day after the other#posts sponsored by: 12 am red bull consumption. my all-consuming devotion and love for vettonso. and my unwillingness to do schoolwork#i mean i felt a lot of emotions and had fun making it but like. hey. could you put this effort into school?#anyways feeling deeply emotionally affected about helmets and their symbolism#i think in the entirety of f1 seb and fernando are two of the most dedicated and passionate about helmet designs and symbolism?#so this post is very special to me :] helmet fuckers unite <3#again: they say they aren't friends and don't share any hobbies and im just staring at them like YOU IDIOTS!!!#its just that spongebob meme of him pointing out the trashcans. like guys. be fr rn. you totally share hobbies#both like helmet design. paddel and pingpong. sustainability. cars. racing. european football. THE LIST GOES ON AND ON#well im glad they swapped helmets at some point(i think nando gave seb two pretty old ones as well. now thats dedication!)#if they werent cowards i bet they couldve also had a 5+ hour long discussion about helmet design ;;;;;;#thinking also about how fernando has one of seb's in his museum >:) but if only it were one of the ones on this list. sigh.#normal posts that catie normally makes in a normal fashion#well lmk if theres any other vettonso helmets you think are similar!!! im pretty blind to seb helmets that arent rbr era tbh#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#f1#formula 1#vettonso#we do a little bit of f1
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prismbearer · 1 month ago
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Idk why there's disbelief over Mark S/Helly in terms of motivation. Helly is just as capable of cruelty and selfishness as Helena. They are at the core of it, the same person with different memories/experiences. They can be two perspectives worthy of indulging their own dreams and desires and also be the same person. Narratively here especially, this isn't about morality, it's about human nature.
Helly was never cruel, sure, of course. Helly felt like she was the same as the other people in MDR. But Helly has something right now that she never even achieved as Helena. Someone who loves her. Someone who is choosing her. Helly is Winning over Helena here.
Jame Eagen wanders down just to be a freak and reinforces the reality of it. Helly is "More" than Helena, hasn't been worn down by the weight of experience and the world (and their cult and corporate bullshit). She still has, in some way, the innocence of youth and lack of experience with the world. She doesn't have the same fears and burdens or triggers as Helena in her conscious experience. She still has the ability to express her passions and outrage and defend herself. And to love and not feel sorry for it.
Severance gave Helena a chance to exist without the learned perspectives and burdens of the Eagens and she is able to be free with herself and her passions and desires-- whereas Helena was likely drained of any dreams for potential beyond a strictly guided future decades ago.
Of course Helly is feeling a rush of joy and satisfaction over Mark loving her. Mark choosing her. She tried to do the "right thing" by being logical with Mark. "I'm her." Even outside of Lumon, if they bring it all down, there's no hope for an Eagen and an ex-severed employee in reality. In the Real World they will never be together. Mark couldn't love Helena, how could anyone love an Eagen? (Poor Helly really with like, the enemy is within etc, but that's kinda the situation framed by Lumon for everyone by setting the stage with your Innie isn't human kinda rhetoric.) (This was also reinforced by Helena trying to get close to Mark to see if he still had feelings or chemistry with her and finding out they were not going to work outside Lumon.)
What if the equator is a building that could be a continent? Can be their whole world? They're choosing to live Now. Together in the present despite knowing that with their half lives, they could be brought to an end at any moment. It's very willful young love of them. And why wouldn't it be? This is their First Love. They haven't even been "alive" that long or have any memory of romance beyond their current infatuation. They don't know the world or it's places, and maybe that's okay, maybe they can exist in this space so long as they have love and the others.
It's completely human for Helly to accept Mark choosing her. To run to him just to see him for maybe the last time. It's human for Mark S to run to Helly. It's human for poor Gemma, who doesn't even know her fucking husband is severed, to be pounding on the door.
But this is their Final Day to Mark and Helly. Maybe the very end of their world. It's Judgement Day. Of course they'd have them holding hands and running back to the unknown to face the end together. To die together.
There is also zero fucking chance Mark Scout would risk his life and brain continuing reintegration once his wife is back. Mark Scout is going to choose his wife. Mark is choosing Love on both sides here.
All of it is reasonable.
#this is true for all the innie/outie combos like#lets not forget theyre the same person. yes they are also separate and deserve to be respected in their experiences#in my mind theres a post credit scene of Devon dragging Gemma to a car and them driving to a secure location bc I can't live otherwise#unfortunately the severed floor is literally their world. has been all this time. all they know by design.#anyway. selfishness is so normal to the human experience and motivation. survival. love. growth#im going to be thinking about platos cave allegory stuff now actually. ough#anyway its 3am and this is all i can thnnk about#personal q#severance spoilers#read more bc mindless brain ramble got long#i love all the characters in this show I hope hope hope Gemma gets a focus in S3#i actually loved the reintegration bits but narratively it would change some of the themes more at this time#theyd have had to make full reintegration the only way for mark to save gemma to make it happen#i need gemma to get so much therapy and care. lumon better not touch her ever again im really so serious#im going to be emotionally devastated ny Mark turning for months#good news fucking up cold harbor probably means that whatever fuckery Jame had planned for Helena/Helly is probably also fucked#could you imagine tho if we actually get fresh 'severed' personas for them if Lumon abducts them all to a compound somewhere#if s3 starts like Just Another Day in the Office I'll scream#I'm starting to wonder if this whole draining the tempers experiment thing#is about being able to provide them for others as a rejuvenation thing now actually aha just from writing this#i think using Helly Wasnt Cruel to try to contain her character is very infantilizing like theyre not children they're striped of knowledge#and of experience#this is all very is love stored in memory or the soul etc. do the people in the cave want to leave the cave when the shadows on the wall ar#the only representation of reality they've ever known#this show is just like art/literaty analysis of themes its so pretty and tragic and terrible#severance#sorry added for the mutuals who dont need to see my taste in tv on my supposed gaming blog#idk a lot of this season was also helly spreading the concept of division from outie persona stuff which makes sense for her#but then getting to look back at gemma and see maybe an outie as a person etc too like. ough
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thedrotter · 8 months ago
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look i know this month has been crazy already in what has been going on for me BUT IT GETS CRAZIER... I got to finally have my constant pain I've had for two years diagnosed... I have fibromyalgia lol i have a chronic illness??😭😭
tbf it doesn't change anything i was already coping with these pains because I've been sitting with em for 2 years i just have anti depressants now but you know what has changed... my character lore GOT SICK AS FUCK!!!!!!!🦅🦅🦅🦅 (lighthearted)
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infizero · 1 year ago
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hehehehehehehe
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fruitybashir · 1 year ago
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A SEM TI POVEDAL TOMORROW!!
a sem ti povedal tomorrow!!!!! <3333
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spaghett-onaplate · 8 months ago
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Oh I IMMENSELY fucked up this morning now I'm gonna be almost an hour late to work 😭
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starpros-sunshine · 7 months ago
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woag ur birthday is the day after mine????????? happy birthday seb !!!!!!!!! i hope u had an amazing day :3
thank you thank you <33 yess it's the 20th nodnod I think because of timezone shenanigans for like six hours or so we're kind of birthday twins lol
#I got a delorian model i love my delorian model you know it's a genuine collectors item because my father got it from ebay#and it still has the original package#genuinely deloreon is such a fun word to misspell#deloron. the dilorian. my dmc-drölf#I've been talkinh about how cool that car is so much i think if it wasn't for the fact we don't have a garage my father would actually be#on board with the idea of someday buying one of those#it's like the cringe fail loser of cars because it's really by all means not the best car#it has less power than it looks like it should have its pretty flat the motor is in the back and the place for storing stuff is in the front#the doors are the coolest thing about it but I LOVE back to the future my favourite trilohy of films#ever since that fateful cinema film marathon in march which I went to on a whim#i had to fight myself up that hill with my bike because our car battery was empty#i missed the first ten minutes of the movie#and the first major issue to be solved is that the car battery is empty and he's stuck in the 50s#and marty is so sweet he's just like me if I wasn't a massive asshole#also absolutely never punctual#there's this poszer#''he was never in time for his classes... he wasn't in time for dinner...and then one day he wasn't in his time at all'' story of my life#so I'm very enamoured with the car of course I got to see some live during summer through sheer coincidence and they really are that cool#so I'm very happy with my model :3#Vanyan🐈
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systemofshadow · 1 year ago
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any other systems / collectives / etc have alters / facets / headmates / etc who come out literally Just to do a bit. like the commitment to the bit is what they're here for
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skitskatdacat63 · 2 years ago
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I feel weirdly compelled by this
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sanstropfremir · 2 years ago
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Everytime you think that's the worst hyb3 will get they sink lower like I expect the worse of that company but they still manage to surprise me
https://twitter.com/TheNuggetsShow/status/1673084680600702976?t=_MqyqrOSbPlm4SZHbjmSpw&s=19
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#uh. you guys know that eta stands for Estimated Time of Arrival right. you know thats an extremely common acronym. right.#that pretty much all eng speaking ppl use in daily life....?#i dont like hybe and i never will but the teaser is literally just 15 sec of a car driving and the song is called eta. as in.#ESTIMATED TIME OF ARRIVAL. which is something that you would say when telling someone about travel plans.....like....when you are driving..#the names are a very unfortunate coincidence but maria eva mikel are EXTREMELY common first times.........its literally mary/eve/michael#it could just be actor or character names#like yes the coincidences are there. i do not blame spanish ppl for noticing them right away bc of course they would. its natural#but currently there is nothing in what theyve shown in the teaser that 'actively promotes terrorism'.................cmon now.#tbh saying that the car in the teaser is alluding to how the group used carbombs is like. hysterical to me#its not even blowing up ITS JUST DRIVING#like there arent a million kpop mvs with cars ACTUALLY blowing up in them...#carbombing is like. literally the number one terror method used by literally every group. IF the car was blowing up in the teaser#i would be significantly more skeptical. but once again. it is literally JUST DRIVING#FOR A VIDEO OF A SONG CALLED ESTIMATED TIME OF ARRIVAL#also this tweet got deleted literally five minutes after i looked at it so.#text#answers#newjeans w#look. yes the coincidences are fuckin weird and if it turns out that thats actually what they were doing thats so fucking unhinged#but i can very very easily see how this is just a series of unfortunate actual coincidences.
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todayisafridaynight · 2 years ago
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Ok but Jiro splurging and getting Ichi a little pocket guide to local bugs ;o; He’d carry it everywhere as a kid and it’d get so bent and dirty but he learns so much. Bringing home bugs to his dad in his lil wire bug trap and rattling off bug facts while some of the girls are screaming for him to take it outside (cute lil Ichi being the one who handles bugs for some of the girls at Shangri-La who are afraid of them)
I’m sorry I dunno why I’m so obsessed with little bug guy Ichiban. Imagine him being young and watching caterpillars grow in class okay ;o; angel!!
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oh so we're all on board with Bug Lover Ichi then maybe democracy does exist
#snap chats#i leave for a walk and casually comment 'ichi should be a bug wizz' and#pun intended#here come a swarm of asks 😩#i do very much like the idea that jiro gets ichi a bug book for his birthday one year.......... thats so cute i love that...#he bringing that shit everywhere with him i prommy it always gonna be tucked away in his lettermen 😭#and ichi being the Local Bug Remover....... bless his heart... everyone mad at the roaches but hes just :( ? Theyre Friends :)#jewel beetles are MAD pretty i LOVE EM im sure ichi'd love em too..#and I Too consider nancy a sea bug of sorts... its only fitting its only right..#how the fuck a cicada molt in your car tho ☠️☠️ LMAO good luck for things to come i guess#also in review i think i found a cicada /carcass/ instead of a shell- VEEEERY different#considering cicadas often represent rebirth and change and growth... that doesnt tell me good things about my future..#but thats just superstition right :) r :) right <:)#speaking of superstition the moo is Full And Yellow tonight like an expensive wheel of cheese#and tbh as pretty as they are full moons worry me: people can get weird during that time and my mom is no exception#coupled with the fact then when i got home my bro told me my sis- who was supposed to be home today- was sick#veryyyy bad omens ahead for me.....#in any case... i watched the deer king and WMA2 today :)#unrelared to Everything I Just Said LMAO BUT HEY MIGHT AS WELL REPORT IT#LOVED EM but i dont have the tags to talk about them both extensively... just know yall should give em a watch...#or at least Deer King.. that one's much easier to find with subs.... (but WMA2 is def worth the trouble)#ok bye i have work to do i got Another client during my walk ☠️☠️
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devondespresso · 2 years ago
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More Steve Henderson AU!! I love love love your idea behind how Dustin and Steve end up so close--it's so fitting for what glimpses of Dustin and Claudia we get in the show
sngdjysynsnysngzngsmh thank youuuuuu i really really appreciate it!! your encouragement means the absolute world to me 🕺✨
anyway we finally started writing scenes today!! with dialogue and everything!! woohoo! this snippet is part of a missing scene after the tunnels in season 2
“Yeah, so lets get his car back before he wakes up and he won't notice it was ever gone” Mike interrupted, slinging the passenger door open. Max glared at him. “He’s going to notice. He notices everything with his car.” “And there's mud all over the sides” “And there's definitely going to be mud inside after we ride back” “And its pretty safe to say at least some of Steve's blood got on the backseat” Oh God they're screwed.
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the0ther-side0f-dawn · 2 years ago
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,,,
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nomaishuttle · 2 years ago
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left a 10 dollar tip bc i felt rly bad abt being late 4 the pickup.. sry man
#i put it bc i had 2 um. 4 some reason when i put pickup at the restaurant i was sitting at it changed it back to the airport#so i saw this sign for an italian restaurant across the street and i was like ok slay ill just say im there and then put in the notes Hey#im avtually at the diner across the street#but. the italian restaurant was actually on the other side of that builfing and they judt had like. a little alleyway/outdoor seating zone#where they had that sign. so i jogged iver there and then didnt see the car bc there were 2 of the car that was supposed 2 be picking#ne up . abd one of them had 2 ppl in it but i walked to the back door and then i was like No#so i ran away . and then it was like hey yr drivers gonna leave and i was like Sry Sry sry and i looked again and saw it and got in and i#felt bad#BUT asode from that super fun day :]] i went to da little cafe i was looking at i got a london fog and a bacon breakfast sandwich and a#salted caramel candy all were pretty good... n then library this is famous it was fun.. i worked on the puzzle for the last 30 minutes i#was there :] very fun... AND i got a book ive been meaning 2 read and put 2 others on hold... all by miss ask a mortician#ill be honest the one i got is smoke gets in yr eyes and im not loving the writing style so far ... but its also her first book and is from#like 2014. and im only a tiny bit into it#but yas. im rly excited for will my cat eat my eyeballs...#the library is a tinyyy bit disappointing where its part of like. a library system? they all share books#so no one library has a ton of books lol. ill just have 2 remember to put books on hold when i want to read them so that theyll send them#over... yk.#its not super weird that it doesnt have a ton of books or anything yk. there r legit 8 other libraries that it shares the collection with#and its fun 2 do library road trip kjnd of thang.. me and . did that once :] it was a lot of fun#even tho i ended up reading like. not even half of the books i got...#but the books i did read were sooo good one of them was the down days Which i absolutely loved#abd i started reading a different one abt like a vampire virus (idk why i checked out 2 entirely seperate books abt fictional pandemics. As#if i havent had enough of pandemics LOL.) and that one was rly cool what i read of it.. i didnt finish it tho im not sure i even got half#in.. i rly liked what i did read of it tho#but. fr down days was so good it makes up 4 all the ones i didnt read. Soooo good guys#it got a little crazy towards the end but i was so into it i was like YASSS OK#highly highly recommend. the down days by Ilze Hugo
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inbabylontheywept · 9 months ago
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i once accidentally dated someone for a few months. its very difficult to explain how this happened, but the gist is that i thought we were hanging out, and she thought we were on dates, and it was just a very painfully highschool thing.
she was a little bit confused that i hadnt tried to pull any moves, at all, even a little. like, didnt even try holding hands because, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating.
so, halloween rolled around, and she thought, you know, why wait for destiny, when you can grab it? so she hit me with a clue by four.
babylon, she said. babylon. my mom's gonna be out of town on halloween, and im gonna have the house to myself, and it's going to be kind of lonely. would you like to come to my house and watch scary movies with me?
you know, kind of a netflix and chill thing. except, and i cannot emphasize this enough, i did not know we were dating. also autism. so i took it at face value and said: oh! yeah! thatd be fun! and she thought she got her point across, but she didnt and it was a mess.
skip forward to halloween: my family has a block party every year, right? and at that point i was too old to really trick or treat, but we still wore costumes for our role in the block party, which in my case, was handing out cotton candy. so i took the first shift, and my costume was this homemade abomination minion thing. i had full yellow body paint, and goggles, and a bald cap, and overalls. the kids who saw it were like, uh, hm. overly realistic minion. and adults were like, oh, some kind of hills have eyes hillbilly with jaundice. very scary.
(it was not my best costume.)
my little brother swapped me out for second shift, and i was getting ready to change out to head to her house when i was like: no, she'll get a real kick out of this. this is one of the worst things i have ever worn. so i kept it on and just brought a change of clothes thinking i could shower real quick and change at her place after she saw my nightmare getup.
so i left after that, got there, knocked on her door, and she said come on in. so i went in, and there was this very long hall with an abrupt right turn into her living room where the tv was, and i went down the hall, and i made the turn, and my field of view went from beige drywal to her, on the couch, naked. naked in the paint me like one of your french girls pose. super naked.
i panicked. this was my first time seeing a real person like, full on sex naked,which is a totally different beast from other kinds of naked. you see one kind of naked and you think yeah, im ready for all the kinds of naked, but you arent. i wasnt at least. i really wasn't.
so my brain crashed to BIOS. she also crashed to BIOS, but for different reasons. of all the ways this could have turned me, having me show up in yellow body paint and overalls was pretty pretty low down the list.
so we sat there a while, and you know, she wasn't getting any less naked, which really wasn't helping me get my brain sorted out. it really wasnt much of a surprise when she got her bearings first and started asking questions.
"babylon," she said. "babylon. what are you wearing?"
and i was like, kind of rebooted, but i was nowhere near full functionality, so symbolic language wasnt loaded in yet. i had nothing running but my trusty autism.exe, so i said
"overalls"
and she looked at me like i was the dumbest person in the entire world, and i looked at her like she was the first naked person i had seen in real life who got naked specifically for me, and my upper level cognitive process went: "listen man, we are not going to get our shit together as long as 80% of your brain power is devoted to not blinking. you gotta get out of here."
and if id communicated that, maybe things would have been less of a mess, but instead i just kind of turned around and walked back to my car. i figured i could drive a few loops around the block, get my brain in order, and figure out what the hell we were gonna do.
the only thing i had said to her since arriving was, again, overalls.
first loop around, i was like: oh god fucking damnit. oh shit. oh shit. shes gonna get like, an eating disorder from this. oh no.
second loop around i was like: oh NOOOOO oh WHAT THE FUCK oh SWEET JESUS PLEASE. i dont wanna go back man. i just wanna bury this and forget about it. please. please. let this bitter cup pass from my lips.
and after my third loop, i went and i knocked on her door again.
she answered it this time, and i counted my lucky stars that she'd changed into some pajamas. she was all teary eyed which was the saddest thing ever, and we sat down in her kitchen and talked. it was pretty bad - i figured out we'd been dating, and she figured out that trying to jump from home plate to 3rd base is considered ballsy in baseball, least of all dating. no real winners there. and i can remember after all that, we sat there a bit a bit longer, just steadying ourselves, and i was like "well, im actually really glad we figured that out. guess i'll see you at school tomorow' and she said "WAIT. wait."
"lets watch shrek 2."
so we did and it was horrible. we did not look at each other. we did not say a word. we just sat in stony silence, while shrek 2 played in the background, and when it was done we shook hands. i think we might have been able to salvage that as a friendship if it hadnt been for shrek. as it was she turned white as a sheet and ran away every time she even got a glimpse of me at school, and that summer she moved to a new state to live with her dad. all her friends said she moved just so she wouldn't have to go to school with me anymore, and i dont actually think they were lying.
every time i hear relationship counselors talk about how important communication is, and i'm tempted to roll my eyes, i look back and go, alright. alright. theres probably some poor bastard, somewhere in the world, who doesnt even know that hes married.
and god help him when he figures it out.
other bad dating story here.
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