#and it's not a one to one representation of asexuality or aromanticism but it's easy to see why so many people relate to it that way

[thatwitchrevan]

Garnidot is actually god tier as a qpr type dynamic because Garnet is Intimately Gay with all her friends but doesn't want or need any romantic partner other than herself and Peridot is aroace and loves affection and intimacy without fusion and romantic/sexual coded interactions, and their initial relationship dynamic revolves around coming to understand each other and respect each other's boundaries which solidifies them as pals, perhaps queerplatonic pals that cuddle and watch movies together 👀

[miss-midnightt]

This year, I went to two local pride events. It was great, but in both events I noticed something: there was almost no aromantic representation. There were plenty of flags for sale, as well as colored merch and stickers, encompassing a wide range of identities. Not ONE of them was aromantic. The flag banners they'd put up, with a bunch of different LGBTQ+ flags? No aromantic. However, there was an asexual flag as well as other items for sale, which was part of the reason I was surprised by the lack of aromantic flags and other merchandise.

I'm not saying the asexual representation is bad; it's great! It's the lack of representation for aromanticism that is problematic. I'm aroace. I was pissed as HELL because I felt that half of me was underrepresented. I can't imagine how excluded allosexual arospec folk would have felt to know that they had all but been completely erased. The A in LGBTQIA doesn't just stand for asexual; it's for aromantic and agender (which I also noted had no representation) too.

The only mention of aromanticism at all in both pride events was a brief, easy to overlook touch on it at a few stalls. Pride is meant to be inclusive to all. To ALL. Not ALLOROMANTICS ONLY. ALL.

I'm aromantic. I'm not just ace. It took me years to figure out that I was also aromantic, but it doesn't actually make a difference. If I can only find my asexuality shown at pride events then things need to change.

I am aromantic. I'd like for that part of me to be represented. I DEMAND that part of me to be represented.

[idrellegames]

You've probably gotten a few of these before but my turn for praise. Even as a person who's probably a hopeless romantic I dearly appreciate that Wayfarer doesn't make itself a romance first game. So many IF do that and it makes the game lose any sense of plot and in the worse cases, outright repetitive because the options fail to add any flavor to the rest of the game. Even worse are all the games that sort of 'forget' the other characters are there once you're in a romance.

But what makes Wayfarer even better is the fact you have ace/aro-spec representation that actually matters because people fall into the pitfall of making them a "hard to get/aloof/unaware of anything ever" romance option. Having the ability to make platonic bonds that influence the game just as much as romantic ones and don't diminish aro/ace characters is so nice and I appreciate it so much.

I think this is maybe a good opportunity to riff a little on genre conventions and expectations.

Romance games have their own conventions. They're fun, they're often self-indulgent--the point is to indulge in the fantasy that the MC (and therefor you, the player) is the centre of the universe. Everyone you come across is at least a little bit in love with you. You are special. You are loved. And this is really fun!

Of course, there are romance games that colour outside these lines, but the general expectation is that you will have your selection of ROs, their individual routes, and that the ROs are always going to put the MC first. Having individual routes for each RO usually means that the RO is the star of their route, and all other characters take a backseat because they are the star of their own route. The MC and the romance is the focus, everything else is secondary.

I do really want to stress that there is nothing wrong with this format. It's successful for a reason! The problem comes when you try to apply these conventions to all games, especially ones that do not fall within this genre.

When romance isn't the focal component of the game, the narrative can ring a little hollow if you try try to employ conventions like this. I think there needs to be room for IF games where the MC isn't special, where they are literally Just Some Guy, where the characters they interact with have a range of things going on with them that don't have anything to do with the MC at all. Characters having a life outside the MC is really important for creating deep bonds and meaningful relationships; it's part of having rounded, fleshed-out characters. There needs to be room for conflict and complications, because that's where character development lies.

There's a reason why Aeran doesn't spill all his secrets in Episode 2. If this were a romance game, he might--but it's not and he won't. He is in a significant amount of emotional distress in Velantis and it is not in character for him to break down and reveal everything at the MC's request. Relationships aren't easy, especially when both parties have a lot of growth and healing to do.

And I think, too, when it comes to early IF development it's very easy to want to rush right to the romances. Romances draw in an audience, they give folks something to look forward to. They're the thing you get asks about, which generates interest in your game, and helps you inspiration and drive afloat. But when the focus remains only on that, it's very easy to overlook other necessary narrative aspects. There needs to be balance.

With regards to aro/ace characters - it's easy to fall into tropes for them, even if you don't intend to. There are expectations about what a "good" and "satisfying" relationship looks like in fiction, and aro/ace characters often fall outside of that. To grasp being aro/ace, you have to question what sexual and romantic attraction actually is, which you don't necessarily have to grasp with other characters because the assumption is that it is there naturally.

And even then, aromanticism and asexuality is hard to communicate effectively in fiction without making it feel "lesser". Take for example, Aeran's intimacy scene in Episode 2. There's a difference between the allosexual option (where the MC sleeps with him and they are emotionally and physically intimate) and the asexual option (where they don't have sex, but the emotional intimacy is still there). Even though I was being as careful not to weigh one option over the other, in comparing the two the allosexual version is the more traditionally "satisfying" ending to that arc than the asexual one because it follows conventions. I am personally really happy with the asexual option, but it still feels like it lacks a certain… "oomf", for lack of a better term.

I think this is why it's really important to have substantial relationships outside of romance. When romance and sex aren't weighted as a signifier of the deepest bond you can have with a person, there's room to explore more diverse relationships and how they can take form.

[invierno-inferno]

rating Lovejoy songs based on how aspec they are

(disclamer: a lot (most) of these are a stretch. but nothing is more powerful than an aroace who wants representation.)

Are You Alright?

Taunt: off to a bad start- the only remotely-aspec-if-you-squint line is 'did anybody ever say no to you?' which implies that the singer is rejecting the subject of the song. why? aromanticism or asexuality, maybe. along with the general theme of running away in this song, although that's also a reach. 1.5/10.

One Day: again, not much. the song is about the singer's romantic partner not being good for him, which is a pretty common topic for a song. the idea of wanting to be in a relationship despite it not being good can apply to aspec people, but overall this song doesn't give much. 1/10

Sex Sells: now we're getting somewhere! I see this song as a story that 'call me what you like' and 'it's all futile! it's all pointless!' are also about: an asexual alloromantic and allosexual aromantic trying to make a relationship work. in this song, it's obvious that the singer and the subject want different things from the relationship- the more relevant of this song is that the subject prioritizes sex, which the narrator does not want. pretty aspec! 7/10

Cause for Concern: honestly, this song's got nothing. a banger, but not aspec. 0/10

Pebble Brain

Oh Yeah, You Gonna Cry?: definitely less to go on, but I hear this song as the singer helping his friend to break up with her boyfriend by implying they have the beginning of a relationship. maybe a sort of prequel to the 'sex sells' story. 4/10

Model Buses: the lines 'you're just scared/you're just scared of the future' is often something paraphrased by aphobes, invalidating their orientation by saying things like 'you're afraid of growing up' and 'you're afraid of commitment'. pretty aspec, but it is only a couple of lines that probably weren't intended to be read this way. 3/10

Concrete: not much of anything. 0/10

Perfume: that's what I'm fucking talking about. 'seems like all her friends/abruptly fell in love/and she was in the dust/darling, life was streaming past/so she learned to lie/she learned how to pretend/a drama in the futile/a means to an end'. it's aro! it's aro. to quote the writer of the song, 'you aromantics need to read my lyrics! listen to it's all futile! it's all pointless! and figure out what it's about. and perfume.' super aro, however it's only half a verse. 8/10!

You'll Understand When You're Older: same deal as 'model buses'. a lot of aspec people, particularly teens, are invalidated by being told that they are late bloomers. 3/10

The Fall: love this song, there's nothing aspec though. 0/10

It's All Futile! It's All Pointless!: aro. it's SO aro. see the quote above about perfume and iafiap. also, an entire verse explicitly about not being in love! subject is almost definitely alloaro. and general themes of doing what society tells you, despite you being unhappy with it. 11/10, aro anthem.

Wake Up & It's Over

Portrait of a Blank Slate: not super aspec. however, 'how do you all make it look so easy?/open your hearts up so quickly, it scares me' sounds arospec to me! 4/10

Call Me What You Like: this is the last song of the story that starts with 'sex sells'. some especially aspec lines include 'you could kiss the skin from my lips if it makes you feel good/not sure if you want it, not sure if you need me, too'. the first line implies that the narrator is indifferent towards sex and/or romance, and engages in it only if his partner wants to. in the second line, he wonders if his partner values him in the relationship. 'I'm not made for you/but what else is new?/oh lord, she tells me that it's nothing/I really hope it's nothing' to me references the narrator and the subject experimenting to figure themselves out- 'what else' could be new is romantic feelings. the narrator hopes there aren't any. 6/10

Consequences: One of my favorites, but there's not much here. Maybe 'I wish I tried more/wish I tried more/wish I tried' in reference to a romantic relationship, which some aro people can relate to by thinking that if they had 'tried harder' to be in love, the relationship would have worked. Kind of a stretch, though. 1.5/10

Warsaw: at first glance, there's not much but if we look closer... the subject is unhappy in her current relationship, (a common theme in Lovejoy's songs) and is sleeping with strangers, which is the same situation as 'call me what you like' and by extent iafiap, in which the subject is likely alloaro. 'the place that she got her first kiss is now a vaccination clinic' also supports that the subject of this song is the same as the one in iafiap, cmwyl, and sex sells- same meaning as 'what was your thought when you realized you'd never feel naïve love again?'. (I know I said cmwyl was the last in the story- I feel like this isn't solid enough to definitely be a part of it). my argument's a bit weak. 5/10

Scum: 'no matter how much you think you love him/you'll still flinch when his blood pool touches you.' can't figure out how to explain this one, but you get it. 'maybe he'll be jesus/maybe he'll be jesus this time.' 'jesus' in these lines might mean The One- maybe this person will be the one, maybe this relationship will be the one. I'd group this song in with model buses and you'll understand when you're older, just a couple one-off lines. 3/10

It's Golden Hour Somewhere: 'they'll tell you this is normal/they'll tell you this is love/I'm not sure if the stuff I want is even worth the price it comes'. again, can't describe it, just seems aspec. 2/10

[skys-archive]

TW: censorship and the word r*pe used twice, no detail

The problem with taking canon aro and/or ace characters and putting them in romantic/sexual relationships is not that aro/ace people can't have romantic or sexual relationships. It's that it's never explored how their asexuality and aromanticism affects those relationships.

Yes aroace people can date and have sex, but they're aroace because the way they experience it is different from what is considered normal.

I'm both romance and sex favorable. When it comes to romance, I'm overall pretty favorable. I enjoy romantic relationships and all the things that typically go with it. But I have periods where I'm really not, where the connection feels different and maybe I don't want the touching and physical touch that often comes with romantic relationships. Even when I'm 100% romance favorable it just feels, different. I will be in sexual situations and enjoy but it's very very easy for me to incredibly uncomfortable and feel awful about it. There's very few times I'm interested, and it goes in periods as well.

That's just one example of what asexuality and aromanticism as a relationship favorable aroace can be.

There's nothing inherently wrong with shipping aro/ace characters but its wrong to strip them of their aro/ace identity, the same way you shouldn't strip a BIPOC, otherwise queer, or disabled person of their identity.

And you can be allo and still write good aro/ace representation. It's good ideas to do research and gt imput from aro/ace people but totally go for it.

There is an argument to be made that if it makes you uncomfortable or you don't like it, block it and move on. And yeah, that true, and I can't really argue why you shouldn't just do that. I fully agree with, for example, Ao3's don't like don't read idea and i think that's great. But it just gets blurry at points. But is it really okay to rid someone of their disability? To whitewash? To partake in or write kink that is normalizing clearly wrong behavior? To write or draw child porn?

It's makes me wonder how far the idea of don't interact if you don't like it should go. And honestly I don't know where I stand on it either. Because some of it is just blatantly awful. But at the same time, writing it is better than actively partaking and hurting people. As awful as it is its better to fetishize rape than actually rape someone. And if you try to start censoring some things, it's too easy to start censoring everything.

So it's just hard to actually have an opinion on

[eleiyaumei]

Rambling about aro, ace, aroace, demi Sesshōmaru

romantic attraction =/= sexual attraction, aromanticism =/= asexuality

For most people, their romantic identity matches their sexual identity (e.g. aroace, gay, straight, bi) but that doesn’t mean that they are the same. Alloromantic asexual people and aromantic allosexual people might be the best examples for this but it’s also possible to be heterosexual and panromantic.

As far as I know, alloromantic allosexual Sesshōmaru is the most common representation of him in fan works which makes sense because most people on the planet identify that way.

In regards to “proof” that Sesshōmaru might be one identity or another, in my judgement, there is none, neither in manga nor anime – not even in YH, which I do not include in this because for me, it is not canon. There are several instances where Sesshōmaru’s kind of feelings are ambiguous, especially in the case of Kagura, but none show explicitly that he feels romantic or sexual attraction to anyone. (If you disagree, feel free to let me know!)

So, in accordance with the “lack of proof on sexual and romantic attraction”, I interpret Sesshōmaru to be aroace. But this is influenced by me being ace and thinking in the pattern “asexual until proven allosexual”. Similarly, alloromantic allosexual people might think “allo/allo until proven otherwise” and see Sesshōmaru that way until he says something like “I am not interested in romance and/or sex” and that’s valid as well.

But 1) we can’t look inside his brain, heart or body and determine what he experiences

and 2) we as fans can headcanon him as whatever identity we like.

(I personally separate interpretation from headcanon for interpretation to mean “something that can be supported by the text” and for headcanon to mean “whatever someone imagines – whether supported by the text or not”.)

Interpreting or HCing Sesshōmaru as demisexual and/or demiromantic seems to be the best compromise for a lot of people, allo and aro-/ace-specs alike. Like, he ‘is’ asexual/aromantic until he forms a deep bond with someone and he then ‘becomes’ allo.

Demisexual/-romantic people, please tell me what you think of that wording because I’m not a fan of it. It reminds me of things allo people tell a-spec people, the whole “You just have to find the right person”, or of what supporters of Purity Culture want people to be like: Abstaining from sex, sexual thoughts, fantasies etc. until you marry and then having sex regularly to reproduce, pleasing your partner etc.

I’m also not fond of the wording of the common definition of demisexuality/-romanticism: “Experiencing sexual/romantic attraction after developing a strong emotional bond with someone” because it can make it seem like you automatically experience these attractions once you formed said bond when I don’t think that’s the case for most demi people.

I prefer the definition that I heard from a demi person (Christi Kerr), in the vein of “rarely experiencing sexual/romantic attraction and when you do, it’s towards someone you developed a strong emotional bond with”. [Source]

Demisexuality and -romanticism aren’t experienced in a monolithic way. Some might develop sexual/romantic attraction to every person they bond with emotionally, some might predict a possibility that they will develop attraction once they get close to a specific person and some might get close to people (with the hope/assumption that they’ll develop attraction) only to realize that they still don’t feel attraction towards them.

(As an asexual person who only experiences sexual attraction towards 1 fictional character, I’m pretty jealous of the first two groups. Like, “It’s THAT easy for you guys? GREAT. Wish that were me.” But I know that no experience is “easy”, people can still deal with unreciprocated feelings/attraction, fleeting attraction, and many other struggles.)

What worries me about people HCing Sesshomaru as demisexual/-romantic is the potential that some allo people only use that HC to fetishize/project their own fantasies onto the real identities of demisexuality/-romanticism. Like, they might accept the aro/ace parts only because he does experience attraction towards them/their OC(s)/the person(s) they’re shipping him with (and attraction is kinda a must-have in romance/smut works) and because it gives them a sense of relationship security, fewer reasons to get jealous towards people he’s interacting with.

But I have to be fair and acknowledge that people can separate fact from fiction and can see their fantasies as such. Though, I must admit, I’m pretty pessimistic about that since the spectrums of asexuality and aromanticism are not common knowledge and a lot of misconceptions are roaming about...

[wahlpaper]

Rick Review

Rick by Alex Gino

CW: Queerphobia, Arophobic Microaggressions, Almost-Use of a Dead name, Grief, Past Death of a Spouse, Violence, Mentions of Vomit, Mentions of Harry Potter, Transphobic Microaggressions, Past Bullying, Small Act of Arson, Parental Disconnect, Suspension, Pressure Surrounding Pronouns

4.5/5

Before starting to read Alex Gino's Rick, I considered that it might tie into Melissa, also written by Gino. When I couldn't find any easy answers, I decided to jump into the book and find out along the way. My answer is that Melissa is an important person to Rick and I probably should have read Melissa first. However, Rick included enough details about her to have its own story make sense on its own. In summary, you'll be okay if you read the books out of order!

Rick is a book I wish I had when I was a kid and that I'm glad youngsters today can enjoy. The main character explores asexuality and aromanticism for himself while being surrounded by a whole Rainbow Spectrum (that's a book reference!) of other identities.

Rick is starting middle school, which comes with many changes for him. New school, new priorities, getting to ride the city bus, and starting to visit his Grandpa Ray. When he hears about an after school club for queer kids, he starts to wonder if that might be a place for him. His best friend and family are always talking about feelings for other people, but Rick's never experienced these feelings. As his first month of school progresses, the club decides to put on a cabaret. Alongside the visits with his grandpa, these things start to make Rick's thoughts clearer to him.

While I absolutely recommend this book to older readers, please keep in mind that it is a middle grade book/chapter book. It's about middle school, told from a middle schooler's perspective. It makes a point of being educational, and each chapter is like a mini-story that adds to the overarching one. None of these are bad things, but it's good to know what to expect going in. You can also expect good pacing, exclusively well-written characters, and fun chapter titles. The only inconsistency in Gino's writing is when they slip into Melissa's perspective. It was likely a force of habit or a nostalgic move from having written her book first, but it feels out of place when everything else is from Rick's point of view. Otherwise, the writing in this book is quite good and I will be reading other works by Gino in the future.

In Rick the students are trying to raise money for more queer books to go into the school library. I think this book is exactly the kind of book that they would want. Very early in the book the reader gets reassurance that Rick's parents would support him if he was gay. Although there is a homophobic character in the book and some arophobic microaggressions, it's made clear that these things are not okay. A lot of identities get explored and explained in Rick, such as pansexual, enby/non-binary, gay, trans, and of course, aromantic and asexual. The book also covers topics such as drag, preferred pronouns, being raised by two women, and the history of terms for the queer community. Everything is presented through the characters in the book, which keeps the plot exciting! Rick goes above and beyond for representation.

If you decide to read Rick, I recommend trying the audiobook as it is read by Alex Gino. If you wish to know more about the queer community or aroace folks in general, this is a good place to look. Even if you are already familiar with these topics, this is a cute read that provides the world with more queer representation. Give it a chance!

[seherstudies]

//9.3.2023//

I had my first seminar lesson yesterday and honestly, I don't know if my professor last semester was just... really not that good or if seminar II is just so much more focused on how to write a scientific paper in general. if it is the latter then it is stupid making it the order we have.

We got so many resources about scientific writing yesterday and oh, do I wish I would have know about them last semester already because I was s t r u g g l i n g so much while writing and managing everything from time to resources.

I am still trying to decide what my second BA thesis will be about and - it's not easy. Something about the ainu would be interesting but most publications are in Japanese and we need 20 sources at least. It will take me forever to even get through one book and I don't know if I can manage it with my crap Japanese. Then I thought writing about aroace representation in koisenu futari would be nice because I would also have a personal connection in a way but there is little research about aromanticism and or asexuality (at least I wasn't able to find a lot yet).

Japanese study has been.... on hold since February. I did some kanji study this week because I am taking 'Reading of newspapers' this semester and we have no furigana anymore. It's a struggle because I forgot so many readings already even though it hasn't been that long yet.

[thisvegetabledoesntfallinlove]

having aromantic feelings in this denny’s tonight bc i had to go on a blocking spree yet again.

I just think like... people don’t know shit about what it’s like to be aromantic. aphobes complain about the Fandomization Of Pride and say shit like “asexuality is basically a fandom thing; if your community is entirely online and based around tumblr tags and headcanons, you cant possibly compare it to actual real life gay experiences”

and like. i have some bad fucking news for you about gay people who live in super homophobic backwater small towns. I’ve known plenty of gay people who were completely closeted irl and whos entire interaction with queerness was online communities, especially gay shipping. that doesn’t mean there aren’t other gay people in those homophobic little towns, its just often too dangerous to look for them. there are definitely other aro people in my backwater little town! I just can’t find them. I’m not saying this is the best way to interact with the queer community! or even a good way! for instance, nobody gives a shit about gay vs aro or bi vs pan irl! this drama is all internet shit! but being terminally online is certainly not a problem unique to aspec people.

honestly, as someone who’s trans, bisexual and aromantic, the thing that’s actually made my life the most difficult for cishets to swallow is the aromantic part. my backwater town is fairly liberal, so they can be chill about the gay thing, they can even tolerate the trans thing, but not getting married???? what do you mean you can’t be like the sweater-wearing chaste gay dads in the commercials? what do you mean you don’t want to date but you still want to have sex???????

nothing about my identity is palatable. nothing about me is relatable or marketable. my life, my future, my happiness, looks completely alien to your average cishet. the first time I told someone irl that I was aromantic, the immediate reaction was “oh my god I’m so sorry” as if I just said I had cancer.

like. actually. yknow what. yeah I think the aromantic experience is very easy to compare to my experience as a disabled person. its because I’m fundamentally missing something that Typical People consider completely intrinsically tied to their worth and their happiness. what’s the point of life if you can’t get married? whats the point of life if you can’t have a job? “i’m so sorry to hear you’ll never experience the be all end all of human existence; retiring to live comfortably with your aging partner as your grown children take up the mantle of your legacy.”

people don’t know what its like to be aromantic. they think of it as a tumblr tag, or headcanons, because the only time they bother to interact with aromanticism is when they’re complaining about our headcanons. no one can deny that aspec identity in this decade is intrinsically connected to the internet, in the same way that no one can say that gay identity in 1970s and 80s america wasn’t intrinsically connected to gay bars. its because That’s How You Meet People. queer people have always taken whatever was the current way for humans to connect to each other and carved out their own space.

aromanticism is in the stage where its hard to find other people, and no one knows what you are, and if you explain it to them they think you’re sick. we’re in the stage where we don’t get a lot of explicit canon representation, we have to scrape by on aro readings and subtext and coding.

and it IS coding! its coding! I don’t care if aromanticism wasn’t named yet back then! there are plenty of instances of queer coding from before we had words like “trans” or “gay” or “lesbian” or even “queer.” what matters is that someone somewhere was like “this character has the experience of not feeling the socially mandated attraction to the opposite binary gender,” which is a queer experience whether the person feeling it is gay or aromantic. just like bisexuality and lesbianism weren’t separated for a long time because straight society didn’t care if the wlw could also technically like men, lesbianism and aromanticism and asexuality weren’t separated because straight society didn’t care if the woman who wouldn’t get married to a man wanted to kiss girls or not.

this is way longer than I intended it to be and it got kinda rambly and train-of-thought, and I don’t think I really have any particular conclusion here. just aro feelings. idk if this makes sense but I’m tired of trying to edit it to make more sense so I’m just hitting post

[nekropsii]

As a fellow asexual, I really like how some characters have different romantic and sexual orientations! (Well, at least that’s what I assume “Bi + Ace” means…)

I love when asexual representation is not only “Hey, this character hates sex!” because… asexuality is so much more than that! and a lot of asexual don’t really dislike sex either. There’s a whole world of possibilities there, and I love that y’all are exploring it.

I wanted to ask this too (although it has nothing to do with sovstuck): have you read ‘loveless’? That book… it destroyed me.

Yeah! That’s what Bi + Ace meant, you’re assuming correctly! In full, it’s Biromantic Asexual.

A lot of Asexual representation is an incredibly simple, “easy to digest” display of it. Aromanticism and Asexuality are complicated, and actually umbrella terms! Just like how Bisexuality has many different expressions and personal meaning, Asexuality and Aromanticism are the same. Some Aromantics are loveless, some Asexuals are sex repulsed, and some AroAces aren’t either! It’s a very personal, individual thing, and, like, literally everyone on the Sovereignteam is on the Aro, Ace, or AroAce spectrum in some regard, so we all really would like to see expansion into the inherent complexities the labels have. So we made the representation ourselves!

One that I think some people may find particularly interesting is Sov!Rufioh being Aromantic, but not Asexual. I’ve never actually seen Allosexual Aromantics get any representation, especially not any, like… I suppose sympathetic representation. Rufioh isn’t really treated like an asshole for his preferences. His journey to realizing his Aromanticism, and it’s coexistence alongside his Allosexuality, is treated with care and respect. He’s just some guy, and we like him.

(I have not read that book! This is the first I’m hearing of it. I’ll keep it in mind, thank you for putting it on my radar…)

[aroclawthornes]

Blooming Brilliant, an Aroace Willow Park Manifesto

[id: a gif of a heart locket opening. One half of the locket displays a picture of Willow Park from The Owl House, winking and making peace signs with her fingers. Blue and yellow stars surround her. The other half reads "willow park my beloved." /end id.]

Greetings! It’s me, User Aroclawthornes, and instead of working on all the time-sensitive homework I have I sat down and wrote an essay explaining why I think Willow Park OwlHouse could plausibly be read as aroace, and why it would be a thematically enriching interpretation. I’ve never written anything like this before, so it’s oddly formal, a little pretentious, and contains a lot of qualifying language, but I'm confident that it gets my point across. I’m not intending to speak over other interpretations of Willow or assert that it's the only true way to read her, but it's a headcanon I find interesting, and I think there’s a lot of evidence to back it up, between certain elements that Willow’s arc employs to some good old overanalysed symbolism. If you're aspec, I hope this is validating; if you're not, I hope it's interesting; if you don't care, scrolling past it is quick, free, and easy.

Some disclaimers on terminology: I’m speaking from an aroace perspective, and so when I say “aspec coding” I’m generally referring to both orientations as a catch-all - a lot of the coding surrounding Willow could go either way. I’m also going to be talking about commonly accepted “aspec” narratives, but I’m aware of the limitations of this insofar as my experiences are only a single facet of the diverse range of aspec people in this world, so anyone who wants to add or argue anything - respectfully - is encouraged to.

Analysis below the cut!

The Thing About Plants

I’m not going to pretend that an association with plants is historically indicative of aspec coding, because, frankly, there haven’t been enough aspec characters to establish it as a convention, and it’s also a fairly wide-reaching branch of symbolism. However, I am going to propose that lighthearted comparisons between asexual people and plants (however misguided on functions of plant reproduction they are) are fairly common elements of budding ace teenage humour, as are related quips about photosynthesis.

[id: a screenshot of Willow from "I Was A Teenage Abomination", depicting her sitting on the ground while casting a spell over a small, pink flower. /end id.]

I’m also not going to claim that the colour green Belongs To Aromantics, and therefore that All Plants Are Belong To Us, but in tandem with everything else I’m about to cover, the connection between Willow and plants seems like a fairly plausible nudge to a relatively common element of aspec humour.

“Half-a-witch” Willow and the Late Bloomer Experience

[id: a screenshot of Willow with glowing green eyes, from "I Was A Teenage Abomination", depicting her summoning a mess of thorned vines. /end id]

Willow is literally nicknamed “half-a-witch”, in reference to her supposedly incomplete state - this is a sentiment eerily reminiscent of the pressure to find one’s “other half”, which affects aspec - especially aromantic - people particularly profoundly. She’s considered a late bloomer, someone who hasn’t reached the societal milestones of growth at the expected age, and who is derided and considered immature as a result of this perceived failure. However, we quickly discover that Willow is, in fact, an exceptionally competent and powerful witch - taken out of the restricting frame of the Abominations track, she’s able to grow into her own, “complete” person, therefore proving that she was never really lacking in anything in the first place. Like real-life aroace people, she was perceived as limited and immature based on the expectations and judgements of other people, but Willow was never deficient in anything, least of all herself.

[id: a screenshot of Willow and Luz from "I Was A Teenage Abomination". They are holding hands - the former is laughing with her eyes closed, and the latter is grinning, while covered in abomination goop. /end id]

As far as symbolism goes...the track Willow is initially put in literally requires her to conjure up another humanoid entity, with the expectation that she will therefore prove herself to be a whole and mature person. Only with this ability, she’s told, will she be successful and happy as an adult. The shapelessness of her attempts at conjuring an abomination reinforces this connection in my mind - if I may reference this quote from Ducktales 2017‘s (absolutely stellar) A Nightmare On Killmotor Hill, in which the protagonists explore their own subconscious fears via. the dream realm, for a second:

“I think that’s supposed to be my romantic interest, but I’m too threatened by the concept, so it never takes shape.”

A lot of young aroace people find themselves in situations where they attempt to convince themself of their interest in someone in an attempt to be “normal,” or end up lying in response to family members or friends’ questions about crushes. While Willow’s abominations, first and foremost, represent the expectations from her school, classmates, and family to be a successful, “complete” witch with a profitable future, I think that with an aroace interpretation of Willow they could also very easily be read as representing some latent insecurities over a lack of attraction, or pressure to find a significant other.

(I’m not condemning Willow’s dads, by the way - they seem like perfectly lovely fellas, and I’m confident that they were doing what they thought was best for her. They’re certainly very quick to drop everything to assure her future in Escaping Expulsion, so obviously they care about their daughter very much.)

Greens, Blues, and Yellows: Colour-Coding Willow Park

A while back, I made this post comparing Willow’s palette to the aromantic and aroace flags:

[id: a screenshot of a post depicting the aromantic and aromantic asexual flags, colour-picked from images of Willow in her Hexside uniform and casual dress respectively - these are overlaid on top of the flags. The caption reads "observations on willow park". /end id.]

The grey-and-green aromantic flag has long been the accepted mainstream symbol of aromanticism, and, as the above post - and many others - demonstrate, Willow’s palette reflects it near-perfectly. This could easily be a coincidence, owing to the palette of the standard Hexside Plant Track uniform, as well as her hair and eye colours - which are obviously supposed to be reflective of her plant-related abilities. However, given how fond of employing hidden meanings The Owl House has shown itself to be, I don’t think it’s far-fetched to claim that there’s at least a chance that her palette was constructed with the flag in mind.

The latter is...a bit more problematic for me, although it’s fun to joke about. The blue-and-yellow aroace flag was only created in December 2018, relatively late into The Owl House’s initial production, and it’s still relatively obscure, although on the rise in popularity as the accepted aroace flag (I only recently started using it myself), so I don’t know if Willow’s casual wear is enough to verify the presence of any deliberate subtext. I think it’s a fun coincidence, however, and (as was pointed out in this post) it’s cool that these blue and yellow stars surrounding Willow occur in the same frame as Luz’s bisexual decor:

[id: a photograph of Luz, Gus, and Willow, all surrounding a disgruntled-looking Principal Bump. Luz has flowers in the colours of the bisexual flag decorating her hair, while Willow is surrounded by bright blue and yellow stars. /end id.]

also seen above: powerful bi/aspec solidarity

Conclusion:

Do I genuinely believe that Willow is being deliberately written this way? If you’d asked me, say, two months ago, I’d have said probably not - as far as queer representation in kids’ cartoons has come, it has a ways to go, and focusing on transgender characters seems like a more obvious (and equally invaluable) route to go down. I can name maybe five explicitly aspec characters off the top of my head, two of whom have been written as alloromantic and/or sexual in adaptations or continuations of the source material (I have...some grievances with 2005 Doctor Who). But the emergence of Raine, an explicitly nonbinary character on Disney Channel, has given me a little spark of hope, and so, even if it’s never confirmed, it’s comforting to be able to see a character with such strong elements of aspec coding and think to myself, just maybe, that there might be some intent behind it.

I also...really want to see interesting things done with Willow. We’re halfway through Season 2, and despite some promising setup for her arc in the Season 1 finale, she’s sort of been left by the wayside lately in favour of developing the more “plot-relevant” characters, such as Luz, Amity, Eda, and Hunter. Frankly, I think it’s a disservice to her Season 1 development, despite how much I adore all the characters I just listed - beyond any personal motivation, the prospect that Willow could be aroace adds a lot of sorely-sought depth to her, and, as detailed, a lot of this has already been set up in her earlier episodes. I just...I think it’d be neat. Rarely do you get a kids’ show so brazenly queer in its themes as Owl House, and aspec people deserve to be included in that.

Willow would also be great aroace representation because, well - those five or so aspec characters I mentioned being aware of are all white or “raceless” (...also written as white, basically), and so an aspec Asian character would be a really lovely step forward in this area. Additionally, all the characters I referred to are also conventionally skinny, and Willow is not only fat, but written in a way that doesn’t treat this feature as a caricature. People who are more knowledgeable on these topics than I are absolutely free to make additions, as is anyone who feels like I’ve left certain details out.

tl;dr: Willow’s association with plants could be read as a cool nod to aspec humour, her “late bloomer” narrative is eerily reminiscent of some common aspec experiences, her palette speaks for itself, and it’d be really cool if we could diversify the so-far fairly bland sphere of aspec representation.

I’m going to conclude this by linking Rose by The Oh Hellos, because they’re my favourite band, they share The Owl House’s initials, and I also think it’s a good Willow song. Peace out.

[oddamity]

Being inclusive is really freaking something.

Like, as an asexual/aromantic person I am not part of a particularly large or well-known group, certainly not one that is mentioned or acknowledged with any level of frequency in the real world. It is, after all, a type of orientation that is fairly easy to ignore. It is not as though I will get stared at for holding no one’s hand while walking down the street. There’s no need to announce how much I love this bit of empty space beside me, because...uh... it’s a bit of empty space. My point is that it’s a quiet orientation, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but it means that visibility for it is way down.  So when I see/hear mention of asexuality and/or aromanticism it makes my day so much brighter. Instantly. WITH LITTLE TO NO REAL EFFORT. I see it in a list supporting all kinds of LGBT+ and suddenly there’s more pep in my step. I see my flags with all the other flags and I smile like an idiot. I once watched a video about anime that offhandedly complained about the lack of asexual representation and I was through the freaking roof. IT’S SO EASY. JUST KNOW THAT PEOPLE EXIST IN THE WORLD AND ACKNOWLEDGE THEM. THEY GET REALLY EXCITED WHEN YOU DO IT.

[idrellegames]

Not an ask. But thank you so much for the aspec representation in Wayfarer. It's so refreshing to see an alloaro character like Veyer that is canonically alloaro and isn't the character archetype that sleeps around a lot and you just hope that they are around but then they eventually gets "fixed" by love. Anyways thanks for being awesome.

I so very rarely see alloaro characters handled with respect in fiction since it's so easy to boil their traits down to "noncomittal person who sleeps around until the right person comes around and fixes them". It's the flip same of the same coin as romantic asexuals, where the character gets boiled down to "inexperienced person who has never had sex until the right person comes around and fixes them."

Sexual attraction and romantic attraction are so often tied together as a single experience. And it is this way for many people, but not for everyone. Just speaking generally as an ace person, my experience is that aromanticism and asexuality are more palatable for non-acespec folks when they're treated as something that goes hand in hand. But being aroace isn't the only way to be aromantic or asexual - there's a huge variety of way people experience attraction and calling treating romantic and sexual attraction as the same thing is a disservice to everyone (even for allosexuals whose sexual orientation may not match up with their romantic one!).

Within the context of storytelling - at least in western writing - there's a narrative demand to meet certain expectations otherwise the trajectory may fall flat and be seen as unfulfilling. A committed relationship that includes both romance and sex is typically the desired end goal with fictional relationships (look at any romantic comedy, even going back to Shakespeare - Shakespearen comedies always end with a wedding). You can also look to the prevalence of the OTP in fandom - there's a desire to see your favourite characters get together in a specific way and to have that relationship come to fruition. And it is quite fun! I don't mean this as a knock against it - I enjoy OTPs myself, I love romance in fiction so much. I love a satisfying romance arc. Most of my OCs for video games have relationships and its a focal part of their character development.

But this does mean that aromantic and asexual people often sit on the sidelines because they don't fit perfectly into that type of story structure. So it can be very difficult to include them. They blur the lines of the format. They make it a little messy. They don't match the expectation.

I think with aromantic characters, too, both writers and audiences don't know what to do with them. There's always this lingering sense of disappointment that romance is off the table, that their arc isn't going to culminate in a committed relationship. Even in the world of IF and gaming, we don't have terminology to classify aromantic characters who can have some kind of relationship with the player character because the terminology is Romance Option (RO) or Love Interest (LI). Wayfarer's character roster is evidence of how much of a stumbling block this is - Aeran and Veyer are included on it as "romances", even though they aren't in the traditional sense (Aeran falls into the "conditional" label, Veyer is in the "tryst" one, but neither of them are technically "romances" in the traditional sense).

As for Veyer themself, they aren't interested in romance. They are in their 60s, they've been around the block a few times, they know what they do and do not want. They know what their life is like and what they can and cannot commit to due to outside factors. They may be smitten with people they find interesting or intriguing, but romance or long-term commitment isn't a part of that.

This doesn't mean that they can't be compassionate or genuinely care about their partners or enjoy their company, they're just going about it in a different way.

[bookramblings]

Loveless

Author: Alice Oseman

Published by: Harper Collins

Pages: 320

Format: Kindle Edition

My Rating ★★★★

It was all sinking in. I’d never had a crush on anyone. No boys, no girls, not a single person I had ever met. What did that mean?

Georgia feels loveless – in the romantic sense, anyway. She’s eighteen, never been in a relationship, or even had a crush on a single person in her whole life. She thinks she's an anomaly, people call her weird, and she feels a little broken. But she still adores romance – weddings, fan fiction, and happily ever afters. She knows she’ll find her person one day … right? After a disastrous summer, Georgia is now at university, hundreds of miles from home. She is more determined than ever to find love – and her annoying roommate, Rooney, is a bit of a love expert, so perhaps she can help. But maybe Georgia just doesn’t feel that way about guys. Or girls. Or anyone at all. Maybe that's okay. Maybe she can find happiness without falling in love. And maybe Rooney is a little more loveless than she first appears.

My thoughts:

Georgia has never been in love, never kissed anyone, never even had a crush –  but as a fanfic-obsessed romantic she’s sure she’ll find her person one day. As she starts university with her best friends, Pip and Jason, in a whole new town far from home, Georgia’s ready to find romance, and with her outgoing roommate on her side and a place in the Shakespeare Society, her ‘teenage dream’ is in sight. But when her romance plan wreaks havoc amongst her friends, Georgia ends up in her own comedy of errors, and she starts to question why love seems so easy for other people but not for her. With new terms thrown at her – asexual, aromantic – Georgia is more uncertain about her feelings than ever. Is she destined to remain loveless? Or has she been looking for the wrong thing all along?

Full of vibrant, lovable characters each with their own unique story, Loveless also gave me lots of food for thought. Before hearing about Loveless, aromantic and asexual sexualities were something I vaguely knew of by name but not nature. The book undoubtedly explores areas of LGBTQ+ representation that were mostly new to me. It explains so much about different sexuality types that aren’t commonly represented.  

I enjoyed Alice Oseman’s style, and this clearly felt like an own voice story. As a result, her narrative voice is both insightful, but also limited. I think it’s really vital to remember that everyone’s experiences and feelings vary in all kinds of ways. Through the characters, the author has done a remarkable job in showing one unique perspective on what asexuality and aromanticism can mean.

Oseman summed up the spectrums pretty nicely in this quote:                                        “The aromantic and asexual spectrums weren’t just straight lines. They were radar charts with at least a dozen different axes.”

Georgia’s character growth is really interesting as the plot unfolds. Her story is full of confusion, figuring things out and coming to terms with an asexual identity. It was so refreshing to see a character like this reflected, and I enjoyed reading about her journey. I’m hopeful that this original little book will reassure many young people that there's a happy, accepting future of love out there for all who identify as asexual, in friendships deeper than any romance.

Loveless is a sprightly, affecting work from a writer at the top of her game and it really is no surprise she is considered one of the most authentic and talked-about voices in contemporary YA at the moment. Even for readers no longer in their teens, Oseman's writing feels like retrospective hand holding.

It's full of flawed, messy characters and bad decisions and aching holes of loneliness.  I wasn't expecting to get so attached to the characters, but I really did find all of them surprisingly likeable. I liked the flirtatious rivalry between Pip and Rooney, and the friendship trio between Jason, Pip and Georgia was completely heart-warming, believable and sweet. The final chapter provides a heartwarming and positive conclusion to the story, with enough space for a possible sequel at some point in the future. 

Loveless is a journey of identity, self-acceptance, and finding out how many different types of love there really are. And ultimately that no one is really loveless after all.

Overall reaction:

[oldtvandcomics]

I've seen some posts going around about Crowley/Aziraphale being queerbaiting in the Good Omens series. I'm afraid I will regret writing this, but I have OPINIONS, said opinions being less about Good Omens and more about Tumblr not necessarily understanding the way audiovisuel storytelling and the queer community work, and maybe it's worth taking a moment to think closer about these things.

Spoilers for Good Omens (2019) and some allusions to the Discourse below the cut. Also, long post. You have been warned.

I probably should say here that I liked Good Omens, am myself aro ace, and am of the opinion that Crowley/Arizaphale is canon. So yes, personal bias exists, although I am going to do my best to be objective. Also, I haven't read the book yet, so am only going to be talking about the series.

(Ignoring hereby that they are supposed to be agender. It is a very good series, but they really, REALLY should have found a way to include that piece of information.)

This is a surprisingly complex question, that can be boiled down to three different problems: First, the way people analyze audiovisuel stories (in this case, television, but the argument also stands for movies), second, the term “queerbaiting” not being clear enough and also used too broadly, and third, people's still too narrow view of what is and isn't queer.

In this order, I am going to start with the way tv (and movies) work. It is the least controversial.

One of the things that I love about tv so much is just how complex and layered it is. There is what is directly said and shown to happen, but than there is the music, the acting, the costumes, locations, camera angles and editing, all of which have their own language and add something to how we will see a story. If you watch Good Omens, you'll notice that the exact nature of Crowley's and Aziraphale's relationship never is directly addressed or them confirmed to be queer. However, you will also notice the way they keep looking at each other, the fact that romantic music plays in the background for an awful lot of their scenes together, that they do and say things on a regular basis that goes further than the normal limits of a friendship, and the list goes on. This show is as clear about them loving each other very, very deeply as it possibly can be without directly talking about it.

This, of course, leads us to the question: What is and isn't text? What level of queercoding counts as representation? And this is where things get a little more complicated, because there IS NO clear line. People usually say that it doesn't count, unless the correct term is used. Which makes sense, given everybody's tendency to just... Idk, make a movie about somebody fighting his ex without ever telling us that he is, in fact, his ex, and than hope that they can get away with either the queer fans doing all the hard work of reading between the lines, or just write a couple of tweets about how they're totally gay and get credit for the representation.

Seriously, people, don't do that. If there is a way to use the terms, do it.

But there is a gray area. Welcome to Night Vale never labeled Cecil's orientation, yet we still know that he's gay. That scene they cut from Thor: Ragnarok of Valkyrie leaving the room of a woman? It never said that she was bi. I mean, I haven't seen it, but from what I know, I'd bet A LOT of money that, had they included it, people still would have complained about it not being clear enough. We still act as if including it would have confirmed Valkyrie's bisexuality. What about period pieces, set in times when certain labels didn't exist yet? And, finally, what if a relationship would actually benefit from being left vague and undefined?

There is no clear answer to this. It's a gray are, so feel free to just sit around and think about your own opinion on these things.

Which leads us to queerbaiting: Creators playing up the fact that they MIGHT have a queer character or relationship in their work for publicity, without ever planning to include it. It's a thing that happens both inside and outside of the story. In practice, this usually looks like putting in a lot of subtext between two same-sex characters, including suggestive scenes in the trailers, and going in interviews “well, they could be, it's an ongoing series, you'll just have to wait and see. ;) ”.

Queerbaiting is a VERY vague and very popular term, that is used very broadly, even in cases where it isn't exactly accurate. It is not exactly easy to tell what is actual queerbaiting, and what queercoding because Higher Powers wouldn't let the creators include openly queer characters in their work. Than there is of course the cases where queer characters are kind of there, but it's a blink-and-you-miss-it thing. I've heard the term “queercatching” used for that in a video. Also, queerbaiting is an accusation people like throwing around every time a show disappoints them by not making their OTP canon. (Stop doing that, PLEASE!)

In this context, it is understandably difficult to say if a certain ship is or isn't queerbaiting. However, I would argue that Crowley and Aziraphale are not. I haven't seen all the promotional things going on, so no idea how big of a selling point their relationship was. But I do know that everyone behind the scenes seems to agree that those two love each other very, very deeply, and the show itself isn't trying to hide it. On the contrary, it goes out of it's way to draw our attention to it. To anyone who is watching halfway attentively, it is going to be very, very clear that what those two have going on is NOT straight.

Which leads us to our final point: What is and isn't queer.

Oh dear. It is a topic that is still hotly debated within the community (at least on Tumblr), mostly by people trying to exclude certain orientations or keep other people from using certain terms.

Queer is an umbrella term used for members of the LGBT+ community, meaning “not straight”. It may refer to gender identity, romantic or sexual orientation, and things that don't quite belong in any of the boxes we have. The beauty of the term “queer” is exactly that it is so huge and so vague that it exceeds all boxes and definitions. A really handy thing to have, if you want people to know what you're talking about without needing to give them an hour-long vocabulary lesson first.

Please note here that so far, I have avoided using any labels for Crowley, Arizaphale, or their relationship. Please also not that while I did say that they love each other very deeply, I never used the word “romantic”.

Because here is the thing: I really don't think that they're gay. Or bi, or pan. Or anything else, really. They, and their relationship, like the term “queer”, fall outside of any predetermined categories. It is just, really, really, really clear that what's going on isn't heteronormative.

I have seen many aces being happy and feeling seen and seeing themselves in Crowley and Aziraphale in Good Omens. I've also seen many aros think the same thing. Because here is the beauty of it: We only know that they love each other more than anything else in the world. It is never said that that love is romantic.

I've also seen many allos completely miss this point.

Asexuality and aromanticism, as is to be expected from orientations that are defined by the lack of something, are still very invisible, both in RL and in fan circles.  While we do have our own spaces and our own little community, mostly we are just there between our allo friends and... kind of stand and wait in a corner while they are busy with the sex and romance our society is constantly throwing at all of us. Being ace and/or aro is often confused with “being celibate”. We don't talk enough about what sexless or romanceless relationships could look like. No wonder so many people missed it when they saw one in Good Omens.

The queer community is STILL very strongly sexualized. And this is a problem, because while sexual attraction IS an important part of being queer, it is also not the only one. Queer people are still queer if they are not having sex. They are queer if they DON'T WANT TO have sex. They are queer if they don't enter romantic relationships. There is nothing straight about the close bonds aros can have with their friends. There is nothing straight about having a friend be the person you are emotionally closest to, close enough to openly beg them to run away together. Multiple times.

Queerplatonic or quasiplatonic relationships are the ones that are a bit difficult to define, because they are somewhere between “friendship” and “romantic relationship”. What they look like depends really on what the people involved want them to be like. Some live together, others don't. Some do things together that are usually considered to be romantic, others don't. Some kiss or have sex, others don't.

So far, I haven't really seen anybody really talk about the existence of queerplatonic relationships outside of ace and aro circles. And while I aggressively headcanon Sherlock Holmes and John Watson being queerplatonic, this was the first time that I've really seen an actual relationship onscreen that can be easily, or even best, read as being one.

But almost by definition, this means that it has to be vague, and subtle, and floating around somewhere around the lines separating friends from romantic partners. As such, I think that Good Omens did a really good job, giving us a relationship that is so obviously loving but also so beyond easy descriptions. However, this also means that it is easy to miss and end up feeling baited.

The problem is, I'm not sure that they COULD have done it better. Any explicit discussion about Crowley's and Aziraphale's relationship would have felt forced and out of place, and the term queerplatonic isn't enough known, they would have had to follow it up with an explanation of what that even is. And it isn't as if they could have made it any clearer how much they love each other as they did.

Some people say that they should have kissed onscreen.

Betty and Veronica in the Riverdale tv series kissed, and we all still know that it was only queerbaiting.

And isn't that, wouldn't that be, in the end, reducing queerness once more to the sexual bit in queer relationships?

I don't know. As I said, there is no clear answer, and in the end of the day, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

I suppose, the best I can say is that what Good Omens did with Crowley and Aziraphale is very beautiful and well executed and also undoubtedly queer. It is, also, not enough. We still live in a time where we don't have much representation, and therefore all collectively jump on anything we can find. As long as this is the case, people will always be unsatisfied with everything. We need more. More explicit, more sexual, more romantic, yes, but also more quiet and subtle and undefined loving ones.

Anyway. I just had to write my opinion on this, because I REALLY didn't like what looked like a group of people dismissing a queer relationship because it wasn't sexual. This isn't even about Good Omens, not really, more about Tumblr being generally Tumblr and not seeing nuance and not thinking things through.

So... Please learn how to properly analyze audiovisual stories. Please be more careful and think a little before you start throwing around the term “queerbaiting”. And, please, PLEASE take a minute to think through if what you are doing isn't in fact sexualizing queer people and excluding parts of the community because of a too narrow definition of queerness.

And finally, PLEASE leave Gaiman alone. One, he has no obligation towards you whatsoever, and two, this was originally a thirty year old book that, three, he co-wrote with a now deceased friend. Being critical of media is one thing, and obviously, Good Omens isn't perfect. But... Just think about what you're doing before you do it, ok?

[saywhatjessie]

Fucking Hollywood

Aro!Dean 1.8k (Ao3)

“It’s just so frustrating!” Sam threw up his hands, the breath of his explosive sigh blowing his bangs around.

Dean just nodded non-committedly. Sam had been going on about this for the last twenty minutes.

“I mean, representation is important. Everyone knows that. Studies and stuff, right? So if we all know this, why is it still so hard to find content without sex in it?!”

Dean grunted. Sam waved a hand at him as if it had been a grunt of agreement.

This would be better if Dean had somewhere to go, but it was his own fault for offering to drive his brother back to school after his visit. He could have easily given the kid money for a bus but, no, Dean — being the amazing older brother he was — had offered to drive Sam back to Stanford.

And now he was trapped in his own car, listening to Sam bitch about sex in the media. Again.

“I’m not even talking, like, explicit HBO sex. But just this idea that sex is always the endgame and the thing that’s the most important of all things. When a character has sex for the first time it’s a Big Deal and like, why? Narratively? For what reason? Why does it matter in movies if someone’s a virgin?”

“Well, you know Hollywood, Sammy,” Dean reasoned, doing his best to diffuse the situation. “It’s like Hooters. Just there to do one thing.”

Sam snorted. “What? Titillate men?”

“Okay, A) You’re men. And two I meant make money. Sex sells, Sammy. I hate to say it but it’s true.”

Sam groaned. “Okay, maybe , but media also helps define culture. If we continue in this cycle where sex is the most valued commodity than how are we supposed to move past it?”

Dean sighed, unsure how to respond to that.

Sam had gone to college and come back gay. Or, rather, ‘queer’. Dean wasn’t totally sure what that meant except that, according to Sam, ‘gay’ and ‘queer’ didn’t necessarily mean he wanted to fuck dudes. Actually, in Sam’s case, he was gay in a way that meant he just didn’t want to fuck at all. Or he only wanted to fuck people he also wanted to marry. Something to do with Demi Moore? Dean still wasn’t clear on the details.

Whatever Sam’s sexual status, he had also come back from college with a vendetta against society’s obsession with sex. Which, objectively, Dean could get behind. But as a card-carrying, porn watching, one-night-stand having red blooded American, Dean couldn’t invest any personal devotion into it.

“It’s not even just Hollywood! Fan created content has historically been a refuge for marginalized people to create a space in the universes they love for people who are like them. Like Kirk and Spock in Star Trek.”

“Are you writing a thesis? What the fuck?”

“But even in fan-created spaces it’s like all they care about is whether or not the characters are boning,” Sam said, disgusted. “Like, that’s not what their relationship is about. Kirk and Spock aren’t compelling because they wanna bone. They’re compelling because they’re, like, accidentally the greatest love story ever told.”

Dean sighed again, adjusting his grip on the steering wheel.

“Okay…” he started, aware that the only way out of this conversation was through. “So I admit, I don’t know a whole lot about,” he gestured vaguely at Sam. “That. But me, personally, I have a hard time telling the difference between romantic and platonic love.”

“So like aromanticism.”

“No, what?” Dean glanced at Sam who was looking at him weirdly. “I don’t know. But one of the only ways I know how to confirm the difference is with sex.”

Sam was shaking his head before Dean had even finished. “But that’s not how that works. You don’t need sex to prove it’s love. That’s what I’ve been talking about!” Sam slumped dramatically in his seat, throwing his head back, before sitting straight again. “The difference between romantic and platonic love is there without sex. They feel different. They just do. As an asexual person, I know this better than anyone.”

Sam was pretty sure ‘asexual’ wasn’t the word Sam had used before but he didn’t really understand it all anyway and didn’t want to ask.

“Okay…”

“You can’t tell the difference between romantic and platonic love?” Sam asked, his focus now entirely on Dean.

Shit . Dean squirmed. “No, not really.”

“So you’re aromantic?”

“I don’t know, man.”

“No, no, stop looking like that.” Dean made an attempt to stop grimacing. “No pressure or anything, it’s just that that is, definitionally, what aromanticism is. Not being able to distinguish a difference between romantic and platonic love. Because you don’t really feel the first one.”

Dean was definitely grimacing again.

He looked down at his arm when he felt Sam lay a hand on his bicep. “Thank you for trusting me with this moment.”

Dean shook him off, scoffing. “Shut up, man. Whatever. You know how I feel about labels.”

Sam took his hand back, biting back a smile. “Yeah, I know. But it’s good to have a word for it. Helps other people understand where you’re coming from. Helps you understand yourself.”

“I think I have a pretty good understanding of myself.”

Sam just snorted, not bothering to further respond to that, but then, blissfully, changed the subject.

Dean hated himself for bringing it up but it didn’t stop him from asking. “Hey, Cas, you ever hear of aromanticism?”

It was Thursday which meant it was Roadhouse night. There wasn’t any real reason they’d chosen Thursday for their weekly bar meetup, it had just been the only night they had free early on. Further down the road, they had begun cancelling plans to make it to the bar on Thursday, and now Thursday was firmly bar night. The bar of choice: The Roadhouse.

Cas blinked over at him over his large pint of whatever shitty IPA he’d chosen that day. “From my understanding of Greek prefixes I can presume it means to be without romance.”

Dean snorted, taking a sip of his own (proper, dark) beer before nodding. It figured Cas could guess what it meant without being told. He was smart as fuck.

“Eh, kinda,” he continued, tracing patterns in the water droplets on his glass. “I think it means to be without romantic love. Romantic attraction?” He shrugged, eyes in his beer. “Sam explained it better.”

Cas nodded back, smiling softly. “It was lovely to see him. He’s grown up so much.”

Dean grinned, ducking his head.

It was a little embarrassing how soft he let himself get around Cas. They’d been friends for four years, meeting in Cas’s Sophomore year of college when he needed to interview Dean for his college paper. Dean had been working as a mechanic at the time. He was still working as a mechanic, actually, but Cas, as an actual reporter person, interviewed people far more interesting than Dean.

Cas had been there for John’s death. For Sam’s high school graduation. Sam going off to school. Cas had seen Dean in way more emotionally compromised positions. Dean let himself be soft around Cas.

It didn’t mean he’d let it last longer than he had to, though.

“Yeah. That kid picked up all kinds of wild shit in college. You know he’s gay now, right?”

Cas rolled his eyes, a touch of annoyance furrowing his eyebrow. “You really shouldn’t casually out your brother, Dean.” Dean rolled his eyes back. “But yes, I saw it on Facebook. He posted about it.”

“Well then I didn’t out him!” Dean waved his hand as if to say ‘there you go’. “And, besides, I couldn’t get the words right if I wanted to. I still don’t remember what he actually said he was.”

“Demisexual, heteroromantic,” Cas responded automatically. He blinked and then corrected himself. “Or… aromantic? Is that why you brought it up?”

Dean shook his head, looking into his beer again. “Nah, Sam’s not that. That’s what he says I am.”

A horrible pause of horrible silence Dean stared into his beer.

“Are you?” Cas asked, gently.

Dean looked up. Cas appeared nothing but softly interested.

Dean shrugged, all shoulders, no eye-contact. “Nah. Maybe. I don’t know about labels, man.”

Cas nodded, consideringly. Dean watched him take a sip of his beer. He spent a lot of time staring at Cas’s neck this way.

Cas tipped his head as he put his glass back on the bar. “You don’t have to talk about it. But it may be worth looking up so you can potentially learn more about yourself.”

Again with the learning about yourself thing.

Dean shook his head. “I don’t think I need to do that. I think I’m fine.”

Cas seemed to deflate a little, the sag of his shoulders making Dean cautiously curious.

“Of course,” he said, taking another long pull from his glass. “Forgive me, I suppose I hoped — ”

He cut himself off, looking sternly into the dregs of his own beer.

Dean watched him. His blue eyes were washed out in the yellow light from the bar but the dark shadows defining his profile made him just as striking. The clench of his jaw. The furrow of his eyebrows. The tension in his shoulders.

Dean downed his beer.

He put the glass gently on the bar, pushing both his and Cas’s away from them before turning and putting his hand on Cas’s shoulder.

“You wanna go on a date with me, Cas?”

Cas looked up at him, sharply, eyes wide. “Dean?”

Dean suddenly wished he had beer to nervously swig. Well, no going back now .

“If I don’t feel romantic attraction or whatever – if I’m not just waiting for the right girl and I’m never gonna – then I wanna be with my best friend. And that’s you.”

Cas’s eyes were still wide and it looked like he was biting his lip.

“My best friend who I’m still very much attracted to!” Dean rushed to correct, realizing that Cas might be afraid that this was just him settling. “Jesus fuck , am I attracted to you. I never did anything about it because I was probably straight, ya know? But obviously I’m not so...” He shrugged.

Cas was still just staring at him.

Dean’s hand twitched. “You gonna just leave me hangin, man? I don’t really know wh–”

Cas surged forward, hands coming up to cup Dean’s jaw as he kissed him quiet.

Dean had never allowed himself space to imagine this kiss. But he’s sure he never would have been able to capture it anyway. So easy. So nice.

It was the kind of kiss where if Dean would ever have had butterflies, he’s sure they would have been hammering away in his stomach at that moment.

Guess it’s official, then. I’m aromantic .

Dean could feel Cas smile as he kissed him.

I’m fine with that .