#and it's like. everyone deserves access. Know that i understand things worth doing take effort
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#SCREAMINGGGGGGGGGGGG god accessibility is a freaking CHALLENGE to get right and it's so important we do but OH GOD#when i draw comics i basically spend an hour writing up a summary#bc i can't copy and paste my text so i have to type it up manually#and then think of how to explain the panels and i get in my head about tenses#BUT IT'S FINE! it's good and important to do#but i had been putting it under the read more bar#because that keeps it clean#EXCEPTTTT turns out that isn't accessible#bc if you're using a screen reader you may not be able to SEE where that button is to click it and expand#i think to truly know how to make things accessible i need to get a screen reader and test everything#and it's like. everyone deserves access. Know that i understand things worth doing take effort#but there's so many things to keep track of#i don't even do anything for color blindness either so that could still suck for those folks#it just adds on like an hour and a half to everything I do but i want to do it#but arghhhh#it's literally so important that we make spaces accessible especially online and lots of sites are GARBAGE when it comes to it#and i wanna make it betterrrr#maybe honestly downloading a free screen reader isn't that much work and i can do it#but also. having pages of id description for my comics will make it look so bad and i hate that visually and find it overwhelming#i guess just alt text is the way to go
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In a world of constant engagement with one another my tumblr feels like my last safe space and right now I'm incredibly grateful for that.
I feel like everyone i know personally has too much access to me and vice versa, and because of that theres no area of the internet where i can spill my guts without fear of potentially offending someone--so I am immensely grateful I never gave anyone access to this part of me, or at least not anyone in the most recent years.
So whether anyone reads this or not, take it as a rant more than anything else. A well deserved vent.
I am constantly being met with the thought of my old best friend (who, for purposes of privacy, we'll call Margret) as I am cycling through this overwhelming change and distance between me and my current best friend (who we'll call Annie) and although it makes sense, there is a feeling of torture here. My brain has conflated the two of them and now as I'm doing my best to work through the present I am dreaming of the past.
Margret was a necessity in my life, that much I can say. I needed someone who lived on the edge and had a lack of care towards her means of control as an example for how life can be outside of my own head. And for that I am so grateful, I always will be. Too many days do I spend tightened up, jaw clenched, white-knuckling my existence and the preservation of it that I pull back from living in totality/presently. So to meet someone who consistently went after what she wanted and in turn brought me with her, it was refreshing. I had a new lens to view life through and I indulged in it without looking back. When she was first in my life and when she returned for the second time. Admittedly I truly do cherish adventure and companionship and not having to think before doing and that was a healing experience for me. But the more I got to know Margret, and people like her, I've realized they share this common thread of not thinking about anything but their secluded experience.
When you are so focused on living so wantonly everyone around you simply becomes characters in the movie you deem your life to be. Their presence doesn't hold a real weight--because if it does, then you have something tying you down, and thats the last thing people like Margret want.
Unless you are some sort of caretaker or cheerleader who makes no effort to criticize or corral their decisions big or small..yeah, then maybe, you have worth. And i found that was the biggest issue i ran into with people like Margret and, it seems, Annie.
Margret loved the way I nurtured her and believe me she's not the first (and I know with certainty of this heart of mine she will not be the last). It was a delicacy to a palate as damaged as her own from issues that stem from years before my existence in her life. And I mean, I get it, I was practically at the girl's beck and call when we first found each other due to me being mutually mesmerized for my own reasons. Anyone would find pleasure in someone who does little but praise their every move and goes out of their way to fulfill their desires--we've all had those connections where it's impossible not to feel charged by someone else's endless giving.
But I think that's all she ever truly saw me as. And the moment i decided to question that and what she was doing I was somehow an enemy. And sure, I leave space for her interpretation of things and how to her a shift in our original dynamic wasn't necessarily something she signed up for. The same could be said for me and my understanding of what we were together.
Of course that all shifted when I faulted and allowed her to take another step back into my life, but never did her understanding of my place role in her life. The character she had assigned to me was someone who sat there and took whatever wrongdoings she felt comfortable expressing her sense of freedom in. I wasn't there to ask questions, or to poke holes in her logic. How dare I share any inquiries on the probability of her executive plans truly working out? I might as well have spit in her face even though, to me, I just cared enough to ask.
That's the issue I've seem to run into here with Annie. A person I have (undecidedly regrettably) nurtured so intensely that I struck a cord against her mother wound... just as I did with Margret.
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Spy Games [Chapter 1] : More Than It Seems
Characters: Twice Momo, Male Reader
4579 words
Authors Note: This is literally the first fiction writing I have done since I was a little kid writing stories about a town full of hamburgers. I was inspired to try my hand at writing by the plethora of amazing kpop smut writers out there right now, but by @lockefanfic, @nsfwtwicecatcher, @nsfwflint, and @ggidolsmuts in particular. If there are any similarities between my writing and theirs, please forgive me as I’ve spent more hours than I’d care to admit “researching” their work.
One thing that amazes me is how the hell everyone cranks out thousands of words with such frequency, as this post isn’t even 5k and it took forever to write. I can’t begin to explain how much respect I have for all the authors out there who can write so much and maintain such high levels of quality.
As a new writer, I welcome any and all feedback! Feel free to drop me a line if you have any critiques, or if you just want to chat!
***
“Coming up on the target now.”
“Roger that, remember the office is on the top floor. Let us know when you’re inside. And remember, no elevators...” teases your handler, Choa.
“Thanks for the reminder,” you reply sarcastically.
You survey the skyscraper against the night sky--it would be impressive if it weren’t one of a hundred just like it downtown Seoul--and wonder what you had done to deserve getting the short end of the stick. Of course, you knew there was a reason to avoid the elevators: they sat directly in front of the building’s concierge and the cameras in the lobby, while the stairwell lay in a remote part of the first floor. The logic behind your impending hike didn’t make the reality any less abhorrent.
“Meanwhile, Seolhyun gets to infiltrate an organization in the Caymans. Just my fucking luck.” you grumble to yourself.
“Oh, stop whining, you big baby,” says Choa, reminding you to keep your thoughts to yourself.
You sneak past the lobby and towards the back of the floor you find the entrance to the stairwell in a poorly lit area.
“Beginning my climb.” you report, shaking out your legs as you prepare to go up.
“Sir, I-I’m getting some interference over comms,” chimes in the timid voice of the girl you knew to be your newest team member, Yoo Jeongyeon. “It could just be local chatter, but I want to make sure it’s not someone trying to listen in.”
“Probably nothing to worry about, but we’ll let you know if there’s anything you need to worry about.” Choa assures you.
As you climb up the stairs, you wonder why anyone would want to listen in on this particular mission. This was a run-of-the-mill operation to investigate money laundering at an accounting firm. You’d infiltrated foreign governments, broken into and bugged the offices of billionaire CEOs, and tailed enemy agents. You could understand people wanting to hear those comms, but this? Either someone wanted something to listen to as a sleep aid, or this mission was more interesting than it looked.
A tip had come in through one of the new girls at the Intel Desk reporting that there was some fishy activity related to organized crime going on at the accounting firm. This was routine and you’d gone on dozens of similar recon missions before: break in, find suspicious intel, get out. But if someone wanted so badly to hear what was going on, the new girl may have stumbled onto something worthy of a promotion. Hayoung, you think her name was. Her chestnut, shoulder-length hair along with her well-endowed physique reminded you of a young mother, but her mature beauty belied her young age. You had caught yourself more than a few times fantasizing about her in your off hours…
You stop mid-way in the stairwell, scolding yourself for losing focus. Too often over the course of the last year you found yourself fantasizing about the women in your life. Sure, before the incident with Eunha you had sexual thoughts about your coworkers--you were surrounded by beautiful women, after all. But recently you noticed that your life was increasingly preoccupied with sex: both in your thoughts and the real-life exploits you carried out.
Much longer than a few minutes later, you reach the 63rd floor out of breath and sweating, wishing more than ever that it was you and not Seolhyun lounging on the beach. You take a moment to compose yourself before peeking out into the office floor to see if the coast is clear.
“We may have a problem, boss. Jeongyeon looked into the comms disturbance and someone much more sophisticated than the average joe is definitely trying to tap in,” Choa says. “Jeongyeon’s kicking their ass right now blocking their access, but there’s only so much she can do alone. Eventually we’re going to lose control of this channel.”
“Dammit. I knew something was off with this op,” you grumble. “If they want to listen in to whatever I find, it must be important. We’ll go dark. Recon says this should be a quick in and out anyways. I’ll tag you once I’m out.”
“Be careful. Signal us if anything goes wrong. Just don’t do anything stupid.” replies Choa.
“What do you think they pay me all this money for?” you tease, wanting to put her nerves at ease. “See you on the other side. Over and out.”
You could hear the concern in her voice. Even though keeping you safe was part of her job, you knew she cared about you. You also knew as well as she did that anything could go wrong even in the five minutes it would take you to break in, especially when it appeared that someone knew exactly what you were doing.
You switch off your comms link and head out the door and into the office.
It looked exactly as you expected--rows and rows of non-descript cubicles, with a princely office lined with glass walls occupying the far corner. Jeongyeon had retrieved the floor plan by hacking into the building’s security database earlier in the week, and you knew after her effort tonight in detecting and fending off the comms interference that Choa would want you to acknowledge the work the new girl had been putting in. She certainly was more skilled than the five previous team members you’d fired after Eunha, but you found it difficult to bring yourself to praise her. The Ops Officer position she occupied was a sore point for you, after all.
You deftly pick the lock on the corner office door and immediately sit down in front of the terminal on the desk, logging in with the security bypass Jeongyeon drew up.
Again your thoughts drift to Eunha. Eunha was your longtime Ops Officer--highly skilled, you trusted her more than anyone. It also helped that she was your fiance. It made you sad to think about her; about what could have been, what should have been. Over the past year, you were constantly reminded of her absence by the utter incompetence of her replacements. You suppose it was nice that at the very least, Jeongyeon didn’t give you many opportunities to bemoan her performance in the same way--to remind you of Eunha.
You shake your head, compelling yourself to rise out of your funk and get on with the mission.
As you scroll through files, you stop on one with a familiar signature. Reading its contents, your eyes open wider--suddenly you understand why someone would be interested to listen in to your communications. You quickly save the file to your flash drive and stand up to leave, only to be startled by a figure in the doorway.
���Care to tell me what’s on that?” comes a familiar voice from the darkness that you knew to be Hirai Momo’s. Momo was an agent for a foreign espionage agency--you had as friendly a rivalry as you could have when working for different governments.
“What was the point of trying to hack our comms if you were just going to show up and ask me that?”
“I had no intention of coming until you decided to ghost your girlfriends,” teases Momo. “Besides, I like showing you how much better I am at sneaking around.”
Momo flicks on the light and she comes into focus. The Japanese government made a good decision when they hired her, you think. She was built for the job of a seductive spy. Her perfectly toned legs had a lovely sheen all the way up to her short skirt, while her cleavage suggested that her tits were ready to burst out of her tight, patterned blouse. Where most of your attention was drawn, however, was her lustrous blue hair, which fell to her shoulders.
“I may actually need your help with this, once you see what’s on it,” you say, nodding your head at the flash drive.
“Oh, so you’re willing to give it to me? I thought I was going to have to fuck you for it,” she says sarcastically. You knew behind the humor was more than a nugget of truth, though. Sex had been the primary vehicle for information trading with Momo over the years. You decide to test your reading of the situation.
“Just because I need your help doesn’t mean I’m giving it for free…”
Momo brings her thumb to her mouth and bites gently as she ponders your not-so-subtle proposition. She takes her turn to look you up and down, making you feel more than a little self conscious in her gaze of judgment. After so many years in the dangerous world of espionage, there were only a handful women who could make you feel so small. Then again, Momo was no regular girl.
Once she’s satisfied she has properly appraised your worth, Momo lets go of her thumb and straightens her blouse.
“Fine,” she says matter-of-factly, “let’s get to it,” unbuttoning her blouse as she walks towards you.
You are surprised by the lack of fight she put up, but you thought it best to keep that to yourself. Her tone reminds you of a business meeting--that is, if you hadn’t seen her pull her top off as she approached you. She sits in your lap on the chair, wrapping her arms around your neck as you meet her lips for a kiss. Momo’s mouth was familiar to you, introduced to you many times throughout your career. It seemed like every time you ran across her you had sex. One thing you adored about your relationship with her was that it was absolutely without strings attached. You fucked for work, but just because it was part of the job didn’t mean you both didn’t enjoy it.
Momo, however, was loath to admit the pleasure she got out of her liaisons with you. Call it pride, call it being professional, whatever--Momo refused to act like sex with you was anything other than work, no different than working in a spreadsheet.
You feel her reach down to your pants, quickly unbuttoning them as she sinks to her knees in front of you. You smirk--her eagerness to please you betrayed her air of ambivalence.
Momo wastes no time getting down to business. You are certain the Japanese trained her very well in tender foreplay, but it seems she doesn’t care much for subtlety at the moment. Instead, she utilizes a more direct method to extract your pleasure--one that must have required its own fair share of training--as she spits on your cock before immediately forcing it as deeply in her mouth as she can take it. One, two, three bobs is all it takes for her to reach the base of your cock, her nose buried in your pelvis.
“Fuuuck me, that’s good,” you groan as you hold her head in place for several seconds, and Momo replies in turn with a cough that spits a healthy serving of saliva on to your cock. You release your grip on the back of her head to give her a chance to breathe, but she surprises you when she simply continues to work her mouth on your increasingly saliva-drenched cock, swirling her tongue around your base. Most of the other women you had slept with in recent months would be gasping for air by now, but Momo’s demeanor was cool, calm, and collected. Almost as if she was reading your mind, Momo paused her slurping and pulled her mouth off your shaft--but not forgetting to continue stroking it with achingly deft corkscrew motions.
“What’s the matter? Girls in your department not able to take care of your cock like a real woman?” Momo clicks her tongue and grins. “I’ve told you for years, you’d never be treated so poorly if you came to work for a professional outfit like ours.”
“Shut up and suck my cock.”
Momo shrugs, and gets back to the task at hand. Slobbering even more as she takes you into your mouth again, you pause to thank your lucky stars that you had a job that paid you in part to fuck women like Momo. You gaze upon her face, which has become just as messy as your cock. Momo’s sloppy blowjob has not only left liberal amounts of spit on your cock, but on her face as well--with strands of her blue hair plastered to her cheeks. Even though you thought it impossible, you feel your cock get harder at the sight of Momo’s messy face.
For several minutes, Momo continues inhaling your cock as you find yourself nearing the point of no return, you yank Momo’s head off your throbbing cock in order to prolong your session. A bit too forcefully, it seems, as Momo falls over onto her side.
“What the fuck!” yelps Momo as she picks herself back up, glaring at you. “I suck your cock and you thank me by throwing me on the ground?
“I didn’t mean to, I’m just not ready to cum yet. We both know you would’ve ignored me if I had asked you to stop.”
“I guess you’re right about that,” Momo replies sheepishly. You knew from previous run-ins with her that she loved nothing more than swallowing cum. Even though you had just denied her that favor, you were already thinking about how to make it up to her in a few minutes.
“How about I repay your kindness? Get up on the table and let me eat you.”
“Let’s skip the pleasantries. I’ll get up on the table, but you’re going to fuck me.”
“Someone’s eager to see what’s in this thumb drive,” you tease, inadvertently reminding yourself that this was a transactional liaison. You suspected that Momo’s interest in you extended beyond her desire for the information at hand, and part of you yearned to take her outside of the confines of work. You’re skeptical such a day would ever come, however, given how ambitious Momo was.
You knew her story--she applied for a job in the Japanese spy agency several years ago, making it all the way through the process before being cut at the very end. She ended up receiving an offer shortly after one of the other finalists died in a ‘training accident’, but Momo lived with a chip on her shoulder ever since. She lived and worked with a pathological drive to prove the agency wrong in their original decision to cut her. Already the youngest lead operative in her country’s history, she had an eye on the directorship and seemed destined for it. So, you supposed, it was nice to be able to fuck her before she became famous.
Momo hops on up on the desk, hiking up her skirt to reveal a delicious-looking blue thong that matches her hair. She looks behind towards you with lust heavy in her eyes as she pulls her thong to the side, revealing her glistening pussy--already dripping, you noted.
“I don’t have all night.”
More than happy to oblige, you line your painfully throbbing cock up with her pussy and you can feel the warmth radiating from it. You take a second to appreciate Momo’s incredible physique as your hands graze downward from her upper back, to her hips, and finally to her ass. As you rub it, you cannot help but appreciate how sublimely taut it is.
“Jeeze, you act like this is the first time you’ve seen a woman naked,” Momo jabs, interrupting your reverie.
You are starting to get annoyed with Momo’s demeanor. It was nothing new, really--she always carried an air of superiority--but it nonetheless grates on your nerves to see her be so dismissive. You are mature enough to understand that at least a part of this aggravation had to do with the fact that you knew Momo slept with plenty of men for work. Not so mature, however, to be able to stifle the primal urge deep inside of you that wanted Momo to see you as the best of all her lovers. More than ever, it seemed that sexual vanity mattered a great deal to your self-confidence.
With a renewed sense of purpose and your cock in hand, you enter Momo slowly with a long stroke until you fill her to the hilt. In unison with your initial insertion, Momo lets out a whine that crescendos as you bottom out.
As you begin to thrust in and out Momo settles in and widens her stance ever so little, which has the added benefit of allowing you to go even deeper into her warm, wet pussy. Momo was not a girl of surprises. Her face was gorgeous, capable of angelic beauty and fiery lust. Her body reflected the many hours she spent in the gym with ample breasts, insanely tight abs, and a toned ass to match. Her pussy feels exactly as sublime as her beautiful face and incredible body suggested. The perfect combination for a woman who used her body to seduce and take advantage of brainless men. You decide to push out your mind the realization that at this very moment, you are in fact one of those men.
You wanted to make sure Momo felt each and every drive into her hot flesh. Momo continued to moan quietly, each breath punctuated with a new thrust and the sound of your skin meeting hers.
“Looks like someone’s gotten real quiet all of a sudden,” you say, noticing her haughty attitude had subsided as pleasure took you both over.
“Oh, get over yourself,” Momo says, looking back at you with rekindled determination in her eyes, “you’re no better than half the guys I’ve been with. I’m here for the file, not for whatever you call this.” She cooly turns her head to face front again, leaving you seething.
Your twinge of annoyance was now a bubbling boil.
You slow down before withdrawing your cock from her warmth--Momo lets out the faintest whine of disappointment, betraying her dissatisfied front.
Just as Momo turns her head again to complain, you quickly slam your cock deep inside her. Momo yelps, and you notice her eyes bulge as you move your hips in a circular motion with your cock filled to the hilt, scraping deep inside her pussy. After several seconds of this you grab a makeshift ponytail out of her hair and yank backwards, causing her to gasp and arch her back instinctively. As much as she bothered you with her air of indifference, you had to admit that the image in front of you was the stuff of dreams.
Taking advantage of the highly erotic sight before you and the increased leverage offered by your grasp of her hair, you began to truly fuck her with quick and powerful strokes.
“Take it, Momo,” you grunted, beads of sweat beginning to form on your forehead.
Momo said nothing, emitting only breathless gasps from her open mouth. You noticed that their intensity was gradually increasing, so you increased the speed of your shaft penetrating her young, sinful body. You knew she was enjoying this, but you wouldn’t be satisfied until you broke her facade. You wanted her to lose herself to you.
You speed up even more, and the volume of your skin slapping together increases as her pussy drips wetter and wetter, mixing with your leaking precum. You are slamming your cock into her now, and Momo has to grab on to the table to steady herself. Slowly but surely her pretense was crumbling.
“You want it, don’t you Momo? You want more?”
“Fuck yeah,” Momo gasps hoarsely, struggling to speak with her hair being pulled, “Give it to me...o-oh...fuck, give it to me!”
Satisfied that she had succumbed to her pleasure, you relax your grip on her hair slightly and lean over to growl in her ear.
“I’ll give it to you. I’m gonna make sure you remember this, make sure every time you’re with another man you wish it was me.”
Momo acknowledges your promise with a deep groan, giving you great pleasure as you resumed fucking her gorgeous body.
Your eyes drift downward to her glorious ass, now shining with sweat and jiggling violently with each crash of your cock inside her. Inspired by the sight, you release her hair and put one hand on her hip and begin striking her ass with your other. Momo shrieks in surprise, but quickly looks back at you with lidded eyes while biting her lip to tell you she wanted more.
Again you oblige, and it was quickly becoming clear that lust and pleasure were staging a coup of Momo’s senses. She’s making lots of noise, but nothing intelligible. Nothing but guttural moans interspersed with high-pitched squeals. You continue spanking her ass, alternating cheeks--noticing a deep pink beginning to form on both. She’d most likely be dealing with soreness for several days after this, you think.
“You wanna cum, Momo? Cum for me, I know you want to.”
“Mmmmm...Ah, ah, AH! Unggghh,” comes Momo’s response.
“Come on Momo, fucking cum baby...cum all over this cock,” you shout, sincerely hoping there was no one working in an adjacent floor to hear.
“FUUUUCK!” Momo screams eloquently, suddenly dropping her head as her body begins convulsing. You knew what to expect having slept with her before, but you are nonetheless surprised to see how completely overtaken her body was by pleasure. Her upper body jerks spastically as her legs tremble with your cock plunged deep inside her pussy, all the while letting out a high-pitched whine that turns into a soft whimper. Just a few minutes before she was defiant and happy to throw insults at you...now she was a mewling, writhing mess incapable of speaking. The dark, primal part of you is satisfied by her tacit recognition of your talent.
After a short while, Momo begins to compose herself and lifts her upper body from the table. You take it as a sign to slowly resume taking your cock in and out of her. You decide to give her now glowing pink ass a rest and caress her back, tracing long lines with your nails.
“Mmmmm, that feels good,” Momo says, her eyes still closed, “you fuck me so good.”
You slowly begin ramping up the pace, rolling your hips with each stroke. You want to make sure your cock pleases every inch of Momo’s pussy, and make sure it craves you when she’s alone at night.
After several minutes of this tender, softer version of lovemaking, Momo comes back to her senses. She arches her back again and turns her head to gaze in your eyes as you continue to take her. She begins to move her ass back and forth on your cock in unison with your own strokes.
“Oh my god, you feel so good in my fucking pussy! Every...fucking...stroke!” Momo gasps, the final words punctuated by the force of her majestic ass crashing against your cock.
“You’re a bad girl, Momo,” you tease, “you like being taken and shown who’s boss, don’t you? You like me grabbing your hair and slapping your ass?”
“Yes!” she gasps, “Yes I love it! Mmmmm...I want you to fuck me until you cum. Fuck me until you cum!”
There was no command in the world easier to follow.
Satisfied that you had fulfilled your vain, immature desire to see her acknowledge your skill as a lover, you now focus yourself on extracting pleasure from the young woman beneath you. You settle into a pace with rough strokes, fiercely pounding her over and over. Your pleasure rises with each thrust, aided not only by the mindblowing caress of her pussy, but by the incredible sight of Momo on all fours before you moaning with each strike of your cock inside her.
“Fuck Momo...I don’t think I have much longer, I’m gonna fucking cum so hard!”
“Yes,” comes the response from Momo, “Yes, yes! Fucking cum baby, I want your cum so bad!”
A few more thrusts and you can feel the point of no return coming. For a brief moment you contemplate cumming inside Momo, to truly claim her. You quickly reconsider, wanting to give her what she truly wanted--to swallow your load.
And so, you quickly withdraw your cock from Momo’s now sopping wet pussy and she instinctively turns around and drops to her knees on the floor. Stroking your cock with great fervor, her mouth wide open begging for what was to come.
“Please give me your cum, please, please! I want it...I need it! Cum for me!”
Your head tilts backward as a long groan escapes your lips. Your cum explodes from your shaft, shooting long, thick ropes of semen into her mouth and onto her cheeks and nose. Over and over, your cum splashes on her beautiful face until you finally reach the end of your orgasm, panting and exhausted. Momo’s face is a pornographic picture of lust, her eyes rolled back in pleasure as she swallows the mass of cum you deposited in her mouth.
“I fucking love your cum,” Momo says as she wipes the remaining cum off her face with her finger and promptly brings it to her tongue before swallowing it down as well.
“I’m glad we were both able to get what we wanted,” you say, struggling to catch your breath.
“Speaking of getting what I wanted…” Momo says, nodding her head to the part of the floor where the USB drive now sits, evidently thrown from the table during the session that had just taken place.
“Right,” you say, suddenly remembering you’re here for work, “make a copy and let’s get out of here.”
“Great,” says Momo, still on the floor with a satisfied smile of content on her face, “Hey, I meant what I said about having you join our team. As much shit as I give you, we could really use someone with your talent.”
“Thanks, but I think I’m better off staying put. Don’t think the Korean government would let me live if I tried defecting.”
“Probably true,” says Momo as she begins picking up her clothes, “Never hurts to ask, though.”
***
A few minutes later, you and Momo had both gotten dressed and copied the file onto a drive for her. Momo disappeared into an adjoining hallway and you set off to traverse the stairwell again. As you prepare yourself for the descent, you also steel yourself for the repercussions of giving the intel to a foreign spy agency. With the information you saw in the file, you knew the Japanese would have to be looped in sooner or later. If it was going to happen eventually, you thought it made the most sense to entrust that intel to the agent on the other side you knew would make sure things got done correctly. As logical as it seemed to you, however, you knew it wouldn’t be taken well back at the office.
You click on your comms link, now knowing there’s nothing to fear.
“Hey Choa, I’m on my way back to the rendezvous.”
“Oh thank god! That took forever, I was about to call for a tac team!” Choa sighs with audible relief, “I take it you got everything you needed?”
“Got more than I needed, actually,” you say, nervous about Choa’s reaction to what you say next, “Listen, there’s one small thing you should know...”
“You did WHAT?!”
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Hello! I wanted to ask you this bc I really admire your work and blog, and I get the sense that you're a person who can tackle nuance well (and I believe this topic deserves it). I've tried wording this as best as I could, and I'm sorry that it's very long.
I've started getting the impression that some parts of the Good Omens fanbase have been sort of contained, if that makes sense. I feel like small creators have a hard time getting attention to their work anymore. As if people are only looking at the same handful of established creators nowadays (and that those creators are only looking at one another). And by extension, content really only gets attention if it's liked/shared by certain people. And then on top of that, it really constricts a lot of topics in fic and art that get appreciated.
I know that the hype for Good Omens has died down in the past year and that explains a major dip in interest, but I still feel there's an imbalance. I see genuinely good work overlooked time and time again, and I worry that my own work has been looked over bc it simply hasn't been deemed a fan favorite. For a while it looked like there was an effort to boost smaller creators, but it's seems like it phased out pretty quickly. I will be honest, it's been a little discouraging. It feels like the Good Omens fanbase is a club a lot of us have been almost excluded from.
I wanted to know if I'm just imagining this whole scenario or if it's a thing others have noticed? If others have noticed, what can we do to spread some love?
I'm sorry if this came off the wrong way or like I'm scolding people. Or like I'm whinging like a needy child not getting enough attention. I'm curious and was wondering if it was worth asking someone else about. Thank you for reading! And thank you for responding if you do!
Hey! Thanks for all the compliments lol, that’s lovely of ya
I doubt i’ll be as succinct as you managed.
Overall, I agree. I don’t think you’re imagining things at all and I’ve certainly also noticed a decline in interest in my stuff since the start
This is a total theory, but I’m gonna put it forward cos it makes sense to me. When Good Omens started up everyone followed a load of people to get at the content and were reblogging and engaging all over the place. Spiderwebs of followers were formed. I think there are blogs who end up being more influential than others, it depends on what youre looking for in the fandom who that is for you, but there are always big sort of blogs that just reblog content to share it. I think they’re the things that change.
Cos what happens is interest wanes. Fans move on and go somewhere else. If you’re following and relying on a blog to show you lots of new art and they’re just not doing it any more, then you’re sort of left just seeing the popular stuff that gets cyclically reblogged.
For example, i was following, with notifications on, a blog that reblogged every bit of poc good omens fan art they came across. total mixed bag of quality, but it was fantastic and picked up blogs that were completely unknown to me. The person running it got tired and moved on, so i don’t have access to that any more. It’s a lost thread in my little spiderweb of access that cuts me off from so much and it’s a real loss
Alternatively, and this is the trap i fall into, you follow creators. Like what you said! So, when I see a post i like very much i go straight to OP and (after checking they’re not a terf or aphobic) i follow. This means i get new content from the source rather than relying on someone elses taste to have a chance of seeing it myself. However, it also means i’m not following many blogs that focus on reblogging a range of content, so i miss newcomers. I’m not ignoring newcomers, i simply don’t see them
Both approaches to who you follow come with the curse of as the fandom gets older, you don’t have a clear way to find new content or creators. There’s an early bird gets the worm element to it all
There’s also tumblr weird bad habit of not reblogging things. People who run personal blogs rather than themed blogs will like something and consider their work done, but that does nothing to help new art or new artists, cos it’s not permeated yet. That kills new content and content creators pretty thoroughly
So yeah, i think there’s a lot going on there, but you’re certainly not making it up and a lack of engagement on your posts isnt an indication that people don’t like it, it just means people haven’t seen it or have fallen for their habit of not reblogging things they really ought to share.
In terms of fixing this? That’s a toughie.
I don’t have a fix, but i agree the lethargy is tiresome. It’s a constant effort to get something to take off, i have to reblog stuff four or five times before it starts moving beyond my immediate sphere of influence. But it makes sense, there are less fans and the fans there are aren’t out looking for new people to follow.
but i don’t like ending on a negative, so i’ll talk about some options or ideas! even though i don’t have the kind of influence someone would need to be heard
In my perfect world (and i repeat this is my day dream, i do not pretend it is well thought out or fair for all) i would remove the like function; either reblog it or you don’t get to keep an access. I would see more blogs that reblog content to a theme. I would see blogs that search out new creators. I would see newsletters that name new creator blogs that have engaged recently. I would see blogs that make it a challenge to themselves to reblog art and fic that has less than 100 notes. I would see more low stress fan events, more prompt lists and less organised zines.
But that’s all a lot of work for individual people to take on (except the likes vs reblogs thing, but that a real personal dislike of mine). I’ve tried to take part, I run @goodomensevents which is a blog where i reblog any general community event on tumblr that doesn’t cost money to take part in. But i don’t really think it has much impact, cos i thought of it too late in the game and no one wants to follow new good omens blogs anymore.
which i understand. i’m happy with my dash, i don’t feel like it’s lacking. I love who i follow. my mutuals talk to me and aren’t cunts. And i have no idea how to find new creators even though i may want to.
But hey, if anyone’s running a blog like what i’ve described, please send me a link! Maybe i’ll make a rec list on good omens events lol, see what happens. I’ll definitely follow you
#sleepy speaks#long post#im so bad at remeembering to tag long post im very glad i remembered here#i added the bolds afterwards cos it was just a massive fucking wall of text otherwise whoops#Anonymous
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Friday the Flirteenth (1/?)
Summary: Qrow likes to avoid others on Friday the Thirteenth. He claims he’s doing it for everyone else’s sake, and that they’re better off if he spends the day alone in his room. Clover’s not having any of his self-loathing bullshit -- not today, and not ever, if he has anything to say about it.
AO3
A/N: You ever come up with an AMAZING pun and then find a way to write a fic around that? Well, that’s happened here! I’ve wanted to release this for SO long, and finally, I can...at least release part 1! Yeah, illnesses have made this a hard fic to finish, but fortunately, I have enough here to release a respectable first chapter to what will hopefully be a respectable MC! I hope you enjoy it! Tagging @fair-game-week!
BIG thanks to my beta, @skybird13. Sky, you’re the best, and I hope you understand that. Coordinating with you with my works makes me feel so confident in them. I want you to know more than anything how much I value your help and support, not just in this fic, but in everything, and I hope we’re friends for a long time to come!!!!
()()()()()()()()
Chapter One: Fourteen Hours, and A Whole Lot of Peanuts
Qrow Branwen liked peanuts.
They were cheap, could be found just about anywhere in Remnant, had a pleasantly salty taste, and served as the perfect snack on days where he had no intention of stepping so much as a toe outside of his room.
So, in anticipation for Friday the Thirteenth, Qrow bought a LOT of peanuts.
When one had a semblance like his, a day dedicated to the very concept of bad luck was one that couldn’t be dismissed without some burden on their conscience. In fact, Friday the Thirteenth more than most any other day put extra responsibilities upon Qrow’s shoulders -- a responsibility to not cause any more trouble than necessary, a responsibility to stay away from anyone who he might accidentally harm, and a responsibility to keep the other two responsibilities secret from all who might try to intervene on his behalf.
And, just as he usually did, Qrow accepted those responsibilities and kept himself at a distance from all.
Fourteen hours. He just had to stay in his room alone for fourteen hours.
He’d lasted a lot longer on his own many times before.
It wasn’t that big of a problem, at least not in previous years. Thanks to a lifetime’s worth of practice, Qrow knew the most secluded spots in all of Remnant to hide in on occasions like this, and the fastest routes to get to them from pretty much anywhere. And with no one but enemies on his trail, there was little risk that the day provided to anyone, or at least, anyone who didn’t deserve it.
But things weren’t so simple this year.
This year, he had his nieces and a gaggle of kids as traveling companions.
This year, he resided in an Atlesian military base, one that restricted access to any type of real seclusion further than the privacy of his own room.
This year, he despised the man he had formerly dedicated his life to.
This year, things were complicated, and his semblance always loved running amok when things were complicated.
But, as he reminded himself, some of those complications ended up turning into triumphs.
Sure, it was the first year without the hope Ozpin provided. But it was also the first year where Qrow had a different kind of hope to keep him going. It was a kind of hope that made itself tangible through his nieces’ determination, his own efforts to fight off the allure of alcohol, and as of late, an encouraging smile and a flirty wink from a kind man with a semblance that seemingly counteracted his own…
Clover…
Clover...
Well, in a life of complications, Clover stood out as one of the biggest he’d ever faced. His very presence complicated everything in Qrow’s headspace all over again.
Still, that wasn’t a bad thing.
At least, Qrow was pretty sure it wasn’t.
Clover...Clover was really something else…
If someone were to ask Qrow to describe Clover after their disastrous first meeting, he’d have more than a couple of choice words for them -- cocky, pedantic, narcissistic. But things changed once they started working together, and as he learned more about Clover, while all of those descriptors were still true, the words themselves took on an entirely new shape for Qrow. What was cockiness just days before was now self assuredness, what was pedantic was revealed to really be caution on behalf of those he worked with and for, and what was narcissistic was actually a confidence that he created for himself, a confidence based in real pride in who he was and how that pride amounted to far more than just his semblance.
Additionally, a new word came to mind, too -- warm. It was a genuine warmth that flowed through each and every one of Clover’s words, and accompanying that warmth was a trust in those fortunate enough to be on the receiving end of them. It was hard not to return that trust in kind with some of his own, and for the first time in a while, Qrow felt no need to resist doing just that.
It surprised Qrow sometimes just how much he had already divulged to Clover. Part of the reason for that came out of a desire to put his best foot forward for their assigned partnership. Part of it was a warning in the interest of Clover’s safety. But some things couldn’t be explained away so easily, and could only be attributed to a real sense of trust.
Frankly, it was nice having something like that again with someone.
And it wasn’t even just Clover’s personality that painted the portrait that was Clover Ebi. Looking at Clover was like looking at a cloudless sky on a spring day. He was bright, bold -- brilliant, even. His smile was caked in charm -- true charm -- and his brow was shaped with a resolve to keep promises Qrow knew he probably could, promises he likely made to himself, Ironwood, and his country.
Maybe there was even a promise to Qrow somewhere in that mix.
No -- there was no maybe. He was sure there was.
But there was a coolness in Clover’s being too, both in his demeanor and his personality. There was an untold story in his eyes, one uncared for by his teammates, and only allowed to exist through fleeting expressions here and there during moments where he let his guard fall down. And that same jaw that held his charm like a jug held water held tension there too, as if there was an entire book’s worth of things he wanted to say, but for whatever reason didn’t. It was enough to make anyone who saw those things pretty curious about what hidden depths might be underneath that veil of job-dictated professionalism.
Qrow spent far more time thinking about all that he had left to uncover about Clover than he would ever admit.
After all, there was a lot to ask about what went on in that man’s mind, especially when it led him to befriend him, of all people.
But that wink Clover gave him on their first mission together made Qrow wonder if befriending him was all Clover wanted to do.
And regardless of how he felt in return, Qrow had to wonder whether or not he should try to stop him before Clover jumped further down the rabbit hole that was his life.
Qrow was bad news.
Then again, just about everything having to do with Clover was good news, and perhaps the exact thing that rabbit hole of his could use in its life was a lucky rabbit’s foot to help fill it up.
Wow...that was sappy.
Even on his worst days, Clover seemed able to bring out a little bit of sappiness in him. Go figure.
But, whatever fate had in store for him and Clover could wait to be further unearthed until tomorrow. Hell, he might even have time to muse on what that might be today, because for the next fourteen hours, it would be just himself, his room, and an overabundance of peanuts fighting against the slowly whiling hours of time.
Jeez...greater good or not, even Qrow could admit just how sad that was...
Maybe his abandonment of his morning coffee would at least grant him a nap and make the day go by faster…
He’d certainly prefer it that way.
Before he could even attempt to take advantage of his coffee’s absence, two knocks hit his door.
Perhaps it was foolish to think no one would bother him today -- after all, in Atlas, there was always something going on -- but he had a day off of Huntsmen duties while most everyone else he knew didn’t. He’d hoped against hope that meant that he’d be left in peace for the day.
Apparently, it didn’t.
Just his luck…
“Hello?” Qrow called out, reluctantly standing up.
“Qrow?”
Immediately, he recognized the voice, the voice that had burned itself into his memory within a matter of weeks and now had a summer cottage nestled somewhere between his brain and heart.
And there he was, letting that sappiness invade his thoughts again…
Of course the one person responsible for inspiring it was the one visiting him on the absolute worst day to do so.
Qrow approached and opened the door.
Just as he suspected, it was Clover who stood on the other side, as chipper as ever. After willing himself to hold back a grimace at the unexpectedness of his or anyone’s visit, Qrow noticed two cups of coffee in his hands.
“You missed your morning cup,” Clover stated, offering one of the ones in his hand to Qrow. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
Despite himself and everything the day represented for him, Qrow let down his guard ever so slightly at the awkward way Clover explained himself. He wasn’t thrilled about someone showing up on his doorstep, but that’s not to say it wasn’t nice to see a friendly face at all, especially in the face of the rest of his sure-to-be lonely day.
“Thanks,” he said, accepting the cup with a light smile he allowed to surface.
“So,” Clover said, elongating the vowel for a few seconds as he expectantly stared at Qrow.
“So?” Qrow repeated, matching Clover’s delivery and adding in a bit of confusion.
“IS everything okay?”
“Yeah,” Qrow said, shrugging.
Clover quirked his brow. He didn’t look convinced, and unwilling to give Qrow so much as the chance to rectify that.
“It’s not, though, is it?”
Qrow fought the urge to bit his cheek, but paid the cost of that with a tremor in his voice.
“W-what do you mean?”
“You not coming down for coffee is strange on its own,” Clover elaborated, “but you haven’t even left your room and it’s nearly ten. Usually, even on your lazy days, you’re out and about by half past eight, at the latest.”
“So I slept in a bit,” Qrow defended, shrugging in what he hoped would be a casual enough manner. “What’s the big deal?”
“It wouldn’t be a big deal at all if it wasn’t Friday the Thirteenth.”
Qrow blinked, flustered even more so than when Clover had started pressing him. Clover merely looked at him expectantly.
How did he-?
Sure, Clover had a calendar, but why would he-?
Damnit, Clover...
“It’s a day for bad luck,” Qrow explained, his mood dark out of instinct more than malice. “Given my semblance --”
“It’s a day for superstitions,” Clover insisted.
“You seem to like yours just fine.” Qrow made a circle with his finger that encompassed the various lucky charms on Clover’s outfit.
Clover smiled as if he saw the rebuttal coming from a mile away.
“These are just here to make the uniform pop,” he said, laughter bubbling underneath him, as if Qrow had just walked into a trap. “And judging by how you clearly seemed to take notice of them, it looks like they’ve done their jobs quite nicely.”
Just as he finished speaking, Clover winked right at Qrow, something that was very quickly becoming a habit of his when they were around each other. Fria must’ve imbued that wink with some of her magic or something because it always felt just a bit overpowering.
Qrow made a noise that would’ve sounded more at home in his bird form than the form that actually delivered it.
“Okay, but even still,” Qrow said, quickly pushing to make Clover forget about that sound, “you know what kind of things are out there in this world. Magic exists, fairy tale maidens and Grimm are running amok -- who's to say something like Friday the Thirteenth isn’t real, too? What reason do I have to trust that my semblance won’t go haywire on a day devoted to it?”
“If you stay in your room,” Clover countered, just as quickly as Qrow had with him, “you’re making things worse for yourself. Come on,” he said, his tone brightening alongside a fresh, new smile. “We can go get an early lunch. There’s a fantastic sushi restaurant just on the outskirts of the academy that you’ll love. Their rolls put the ‘ah’ in ‘tuna.’”
Now it was Qrow’s turn to quirk his brow. “And if I leave my room, I’ll risk making things worse for everyone else. I’m not leaving. Maybe we can go to that restaurant tomorrow.”
Qrow expected Clover to keep pushing back with yet another comment, but instead, he just took a patient, deep breath.
He then shrugged.
“And I was so excited to take you there, too,” Clover lamented. “But, oh well. Have it your way, then.”
Without giving Qrow so much as a second to respond, Clover gently pushed him to the side, walked inside his room, and sat down on one of the chairs across from his bed. Qrow was stuck somewhere between being utterly stunned by the action, and not at all. After all, this was pretty standard Clover Ebi behavior in that it was utterly unpredictable.
That’s not to say it was necessarily welcome -- or that Qrow would admit it even if it was.
And this morning, he was feeling particularly stubborn in his quest for solitude.
“That wasn’t an invitation to join me,” Qrow snipped.
Clover simply lounged back into the plush chair, easing his knees as his legs spread forward. “Well, if you won’t come out with me, then I’ll simply have to come in with you.” He then pulled something out of his pocket, something that instantly brought another grimace to Qrow’s face, all the while smiling.
“Up for some cards?”
Qrow groaned.
He knew it when he woke up, and he was even more sure of it now: This was gonna be a long, long fourteen hours.
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So thinking bout persona, which as far as this blog is concerned is basically all I do, and I got to thinking.
So the Metaverse/Mementos, Shadow Time/Tartarus and The World in the Tv/Midnight Channel are all basically the same thing right? Not PRECISELY the same thing, but the overlap is immense and real. I'd be willing to bet that the various spinoff games Including Q and such would also count towards this in that they're kinda worlds in the sea of the Unconscious (and with at least Two Users of the Universe Arcana sleeping to keep the world secure right now, who knows what weird funky things are going on there.)
But they're generally the same thing, and part of the rules that are generally established have to deal with perception and one and all seem to exist as a rule in weird liminal spaces.
Forgive for innaccuracies it's been a while for P3 and P4, but with that out of the way.
Tartarus is a transformation of a school, and has strict limitations on how long it is active (not unlike a school really) and not only that is made up of discretely aesthetic but also very uniform locations. The Persona Users only have their one Extra Hour to make their way through (or at least in story that should be the case) and reach their final destination.
Tartarus is, without question, one of the most confusing nosense places because of course it extends up and up and up some 300 floors (apparently) which is weird, but what's perhaps weirder, at least in context of the Persona 3-5 Series of games is that there isn't really an effect upon the users precisely. Oh to be sure it effects people, it changes them into coffins which, considering the Tower's Purpose and all makes sense. The place is all about death and that great change, and the way that persona are summoned via Evoker I suppose would explain their not being coffins. There's an awareness of death there I suppose, and so an additional awareness of this special time given.
Ok. Cool.
The Midnight Channel though, it's a world more or less made up of the endless distorting fog, which alters shape to take the form of those who fall into it's greatest fears and concerns writ large and obnoxious, seemingly in an effort to have them confront themselves. At least, in theory, once the fog lifts, but formed in such a way that almost seems tailor made to have people freak the absolute hell out.
And of course, the place it exists/accessed is a television, turned off at midnight which, frankly is a pretty strange space if you're expecting anything to show up on it, or rather expecting NOTHING to show up on it right?
Everything blown up the way that it is, it makes sense that the world is endlessly foggy, not as stable as it initially appears, and all that, but as to the persona users themselves, they're...more or less just as they are. They're granted glasses by Teddie that allow them to see better, but they are otherwise not fundamentally changed.
Which...Leads us to Mementos. A Place that is explained as not only a direct connect to the sea of the unconscious, a rather different statement from the other major locales even if they too are a direct connection, but it also...changes the persona users.
The liminal space (and this is, I think admittedly, somewhat of a stretch) is more or less just any old random place, but you, distinctly, not a part of it. Well, that's the metaverse as a whole, but Mementos itself is a train station, which tracks as far as I understand the subject. It's a place of coming going, and just an endless sea of people who you really are just kind of one of.
But...Why does it change them so much? It's explained that the form that the phantom thieves take is their form of rebellion against the world. Very literally, the manifestation of their Rebellion (Of which Their Transformed Selves are paired with their Persona's with whom they made a contract).
Alright, that tracks, it's consistent to an extent, but this raises the question of why don't we see that in the other shadow worlds? Part of that, I've said before, is Because I think the Phantom Thieves are more or less playing at their Shadows as opposed to the other Persona Teams. The Shadows that We see in Persona 4 seem to be in line with what we're seeing in the Phantom Thieves, in that they are the version of their relevant person pushed to their extremes and distorted, pushed into a state of otherness for one reason or another.
Not all of them get fancy duds of course, and certainly that's at least as much because of the circumstances of their Shadow's formation (with them being dropped into the situation fully conscious as opposed to just kinda dropped int), as well as the nature and degree of their alienation. I expect that for those who didn't quite get the full transformation, they didn't quite feel that degree of alienation that you see in everyone else that develops a Full Dramatic Shadow.
Or perhaps another way to say it is, their personal view of themselves had yet to become distorted in any major way just yet.
Now the Investigation team get's to reintegrate into the world so their degree of isolation never get's to develop but it's worth pointing out that in the case of the Thieves that...doesn't actually happen.
Without fail, they're still outcasts one and all, if now outcasts that now cling together in friendship love and understanding of their circumstances.
But...
I don't know how to phrase this, but I suppose by the line of logic that I'm following here, the Phantom Thieves never quite Cohere as a group.
Like I recall hearing some folks talking about how the games seem to kinda abandon some of the character's personal plot points in rapid succession to focus on different issues, especially seen in their social links. Like the one that immediately pops to mind is Anne and Shiho and the hot nonsense that happens to them early on. Her social link instead of dealing with that at all beyond briefly touching on it as a thing that did happen, focuses instead on her modeling career, and a degree of taking that more seriously.
Which I agree is kinda bullshit. I'd love to know more about how Haru is dealing with the fallout of her dad beyond the lightish touch it gets, or more about Yusuke's relationship with his shitty dad, or more about Makoto's relationship with her sister and her parents and the like.
See, these things aren't NOT touched on, by no means. Haru's entire social link DOES deal with the fallout of her dad's death...In relation to the Company that she now holds a massive share of and not precisely related to her personally.
But they aren't really a thing that the Thieves, as a group, actually touch on. It's not a thing that get's directly dealt with constantly in the storyline as opposed to what goes down in Sees which is damnably intimate despite their initial desires. They do after all live together, and their job has just thoroughly run in and kicked them in the teeth on every front.
Hell, despite how uh...well badly(?) but definitely at least clumsily and obnoxiously (I am assuming, for a moment it's supposed to be awkward and kinda just...not great, for effect. It probably wasn't, but it's what we got, and at the very least I think it deserves an examination in that light.) The Issues that plague the Investigation squad one and all come up constantly. Kanji's issues with masculinity/homosexuality, Naoto's problems with gender/gender roles, Yukiko's princess status, Teddies Emptiness and attempts to fill that void, etc etc. It get's played with, rather directly, it get's shouted from the mountain tops, and for all that people very definitely fuck up and say some shit (Yosuke) this stuff comes up, and frequently I think.
But not with the Phantom Thieves. They're in fact, extremely guarded with each other, despite being on the same side and all that jazz.
Which leads me to Maruki, and the True End antics.
Cause see, Maruki also get's a Rebellion outift. It's not thief themed, no, it's more a kind of messiah. Or rather, A torch bearer. Whatever his means, his objective is and always was to lead people to being happier and better versions of themselves, although It's plainly obvious that he loses sight of doing that well with the method he chooses given how it's a thing that applies the same cure to every single person when that obviously wouldn't be a good idea.
Sumire says it herself, If not for him there's a good chance that she wouldn't have lasted long enough to make friends as is. And I don't think she's wrong considering how....well absolutely fucking done she was. That was not a healthy mental state that she was in BEFORE her sister died, and it wasn't much better after.
More importantly though, is what happens during that Third Semester. With the Third Persona's that everyone gained, every single one, WITHOUT FAIL, addresses the major concerns, the major events that they've all been staunchly ignoring and refusing to talk about. Ryuji's track desires, Haru's dad pain, Morgana's still burning desire to be human, all of it.
And he fixes it, and he makes, at least for a little bit, better. And in doing so, he absolutely changes the course of their lives, let's them see the way things COULD be, actually sit down and acknowledge one more part of themselves that they want to achieve, and in doing so unmasks, without fail, literally every single one of their persona's.
Well, I say unmask, but they also obviously have face coverings still going on or a degree of inorganic/ambiguous heads and faces, but the degree of difference is stark I think between that and their second persona's or their first.
Also, at least, if you actually bother to max out the social links, and just let someone actually IN, such as it is.
But back to Maruki, it's actually rather interesting that his Metaverse Outfit arguably makes him the HARDEST to identify of everyone. Yeah it's a big golden outfit with an obnoxiously huge helmet and cloak but...
The Helmet is far more interesting to look at than the person wearing it, and even looking at his face it's only really recognizable as him if you can get a clean side view. The Outfits is bright and Golden, but is otherwise unidentfiable if someone else were to be wearing it. The Cloak further makes it harder to see anything between being huge, fluttery, and covering basically anything of note body wise (and potentially facially since it again just flutters all over) In addition to his staff/torch it's...
If we're going through the Shadow Cosplay as looking at the person in questions distorted view of themselves, It's interesting that Maruki's distortion basically does everything in it's power to make him a non entity. Which, I suppose makes sense given his ultimately goal.
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Whumptober Day 27
Extreme Weather + Power Outage
Whumptober Masterlist | 27/31 of RK900 short stories ↳ on Ao3
Tags: Connor & Upgraded Connor | RK900 are Siblings × Post-Pacifist Best Ending × Good Parent Hank Anderson × Exhaustion x Sleep Deprivation x Power Outage
The RK units are specifically designed with powerful battery cores enabling them to function for longer periods between recharging. If expenditure is kept at a minimum, they can remain online for up to a fortnight without recharging, though given their line of duty they tend to rest for short bursts in order to supplement their cores.
That is not the case for them currently, not when Detroit’s caught up in a storm that’s knocked out several power grids and they’re at a crime scene with a felled tree crushing an ambulance.
“Power’s completely out for this grid!” Hank raises his voice to try and be heard over the crashing rain.
“This patient will die without proper medical care!” The medroid shouts in reply and Ronan assesses their dwindling options. Three dead, five injured- one in critical condition. Ambulance damaged, power grid down and no way to power the medvan and keep the injured android alive. Unlike humans, an android runs on electrical impulses of an inorganic nature and cannot be kept alive with medications.
“We have two manual cars here.” Connor says slowly, and he looks to Ronan who already knows what they must do. “Transfer the patient to Detective Reed’s car-”
“What?!”
“We will force a power surge into the victim and give their core a jumpstart to ensure it can remain active long enough for you to get them to Jericho.” Ronan continues with a nod. “Connor and I are RK units, we can do this safely and still retain enough power to last us until we reach Central Station.”
“Power’s still online there.” Connor reassures. “We can use the charging bays. This way the patient can survive until they receive medical help at Jericho. The others have sustained only superficial injuries which are low priority and can wait until power returns and a secondary medvan can be dispatched.”
Hank looks them over, and Ronan knows their father isn’t too keen on the idea but the idea is sound; the idea is the only option they have if they want their key witness to survive.
“We’ll be alright, dad.” Connor says, softer this time as he squeezes his arm. “Just incredibly sleepy, actually.”
“Please do it now.” The medroid grips his wrist. “We’re losing the last of the van’s power rapidly and without a strong electric current he’ll die.”
Ronan tips his head slightly, and Connor follows him to the medvan. The android is in poor shape, multiple gunshot wounds littering his torso. A long thick cable snakes from his power core to the medvan’s life support, and the medroid hurries to detach the heavy black box from the side.
“I’ll power the core, you power the generator.” Ronan instructs, and Connor nods in understanding. They have to undress partly to grant the medroid access to their chestplate, and connect them to both the android and the generator.
“Ready?” They prompt, and the two brothers nod. The effect is almost immediate, the drain a sudden, strong pull that leaves them feeling fatigued.
*
WARNING
>LOW POWER
>>Power core: 8%
RECHARGE IMMEDIATELY
*
Ronan blinks away the notification, reaching out to steady Connor as his brother sways on his feet.
“No complex processes until you’re both at least at 25%.” The medroid instructs sternly. “Consume extra thirium, and run a full diagnostic cycle once you’re at full power.”
“Understood.” Ronan nods, and even that seems like a gargantuan effort.
*
“That thing better not bleed all over my backseat.” Gavin grumbles as he hands over the keys and they load up the injured android in his car.
“That person is our key witness, so their well-being is worth more than your car’s upholstery.” Ronan snaps. “Thirium will evaporate without leaving a stain on this type of synthetic textile. I cannot say the same for your blood.”
Hank snorts back a laugh, clapping him on the shoulder as Gavin sputters indignantly. “Alright into the car everyone, I’ll drive us back to Central.”
“We will return your car once it is safe to do so, Detective Reed.” The medroid vows. “We will take every care to sanitise the interior.”
“Then it will be much cleaner than it’s ever been under his care.” Ronan drawls, unable to stop himself. Hank guffaws, hand on his belly.
“Oh shit you’re cranky, I love it.” He snorts back a laugh and makes a shooing gesture. “Alright everyone in- boys at the back, Reed at the front before Ronan can kill you.”
*~*
Central Station looms ahead, lit only by the recessed ground lights embedded in the steps leading up to the entrance.
“Ah shit.” Hank curses as he pulls up to park.
“Grid’s out here too.” Gavin groans. “And the storm’s picking up.”
“We won’t be able to recharge here.” Connor huffs, leaning heavily on Ronan.
“I mean, Eli’s supervillain lair runs on its own solar grid.” Gavin shrugs. “Could just keep going. Barbie bot won’t mind sharing, I’m sure.”
“Road conditions are not ideal. There is a large margin for human error.” Connor points out, and Ronan notes the way Hank’s hands grip the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles blanche. “Rain radar shows an exponential increase in volume of rainfall over the next five hours, and winds set to rise.”
“Well,” Gavin falters with a frown, “the self-driving taxis should be fine, right?”
“I’m not risking them either way.” Hank declares gruffly. “Safer if we stay inside the precinct and just wait it out.”
“They can’t charge in there!” Gavin protests and Hank shouts in return.
“It doesn’t matter! At least they’ll stay alive!” There’s a beat where no one says anything, and the only sound is the thunderous crash of rain atop the car and Ronan knows Hank is both correct, and speaking from trauma.
“We will stay inside.” Ronan says calmly to break the tension. “There is ample food and water for the both of you, and thirium for the both of us. It is warm and dry, and weathertight.”
“At this hour there shouldn’t be too many staff left anyway.” Connor adds. “And the both of you keep spare clothes in your lockers.”
“Alright alright let’s go.” Gavin groans, bracing himself for the inevitable drenching. Though it’s only a short distance from the parking lot to the entrance, it’s enough for their clothes to become thoroughly soaked. They reach the doors and the doors stay shut. Of course. No power. The lone ST300 at reception spots them and gestures to her left, pointing at the side door. They trudge over and Hank pushes at the handle. Some things are best kept low tech, it seems.
“Good evening, Lieutenant Anderson, Detectives Reed and Andersons.” Stephanie greets, smile apologetic. “Though I surmise there’s little to make it ‘good’.”
“How long’s the power been out here for?” Hank sighs tiredly, slicking his hair out of his eyes.
“Twelve minutes ago.” She informs them, and Connor whines in disappointment, lips pressed tightly together and curled downward.
“Who’s still here?” Gavin strips off his jacket, cursing colourfully at the state of his clothes.
“Officers Chen and Lewis, and assistive units Polly, Justin and Gareth.”
“Thanks Steph.” Hank nods in gratitude before leading them all through the gates. They head immediately to their lockers after giving the others a wave.
*
“This is less than ideal.” Connor sighs morosely, coordination clumsy as he strips out of his wet clothing.
“Power level?” Ronan prompts, hand hovering in case Connor sways again.
“7.1%. Yours?”
“7.9%.” He pulls a clean, dry sweater over his head before taking a moment to steady himself. Removing wet slacks proves a challenge in his addled state, but he manages it eventually and tugs on a pair of jeans. Connor leans heavily on his now closed locker, the petulant pout still there on his lips.
“I feel awful.”
“They put us through worse.” Ronan reminds him lightly. “Part of our testing phase was to complete an objective with 5% power.”
“They wiped my testing phase.” A brief look of concern crosses his face. “You remember yours?”
“Every single moment.” His brother saddens at the revelation, and he reaches over to squeeze his shoulder.
“I’m sorry.”
“It isn’t your fault.” Ronan reminds him, and Connor nods.
“I know. I’m still sorry, though.” He seeks his hand, and Ronan clasps it securely with his own.
“You boys alright?” Hank wanders over, dressed in DPD sweats.
“Tired.” Connor blinks slowly at him, and Hank huffs a laugh, reaching over to tousle his damp hair.
“Yeah you sure look it. C’mon, we’ll go mope at our desks.”
*
Officer Tina Chen sits herself on the edge of Gavin’s desk, expression pitying.
“Stuck here til the storm blows over, huh?”
“Fuck I want to pass out on my bed so bad, I’m fucking exhausted.” Gavin groans, slumping in his chair. “Why’re you guys still here?”
“We sent them back to log the evidence and compile the findings.” Ronan reminds him, rolling his eyes in irritation. “Or can you not remember what transpired sixty-five minutes ago?”
“Why bother? That’s what you’re here for, right? Walking computer.” Gavin gestures vaguely in his direction and Ronan decides acting on his irritation will expand battery power the human does not deserve. “God, the coffee machine’s off too isn’t it? I’d kill for one right now.”
“There’s still some left in the pot but it’s lukewarm if you don’t mind that.” Robert pipes up from his desk across the room. “Enough for both you and the Lieutenant.”
“Hey tinc-”
“Finish that sentence and I will pour the coffee for my father and the rest goes down the sink.” Ronan hisses and Hank slaps the table with a laugh.
“Fuckin’ hell Ronan, I am lovin’ this.” He gets to his feet. “Don’t worry I’ll get the coffees. Just promise you won’t kill Reed while I’m gone.”
“I’ll refrain until you return so you may witness it yourself.” Ronan vows and Hank guffaws loudly as he heads to the breakroom. Gavin shoots him a withering glare, which he ignores entirely in favour of assessing his brother. Connor has his arms folded on his desk, head resting on his forearms. His LED winks a soft red, dimming them glowing periodically like a slow warning he is on low power.
“You doin’ okay, Connor?��� Tina asks worriedly.
“They got used like car batteries to jumpstart the key witness.” Gavin stifles a yawn. “Came back here to recharge since it was closer than Jericho or home but…” He trails off with a shrug and Tina looks at Connor sympathetically. She turns her gaze to him.
“Bad time to ask a favour huh?” Her smile is sheepish. “Rob and I found some sort of substance residue on one of the trafficked biocomponents we were logging into evidence. We’d hoped one of you boys could analyse it for us, but it’ll just have to wait.”
“No.” Ronan sighs. “Give it to me. I’ll do it. The sooner this case is put behind us the better- if this can provide solid evidence linking the trafficking to the suspect then it will be worth it.”
She disappears briefly to fetch the biocomponent from the evidence room, and Hank returns in the meantime, placing a cup of coffee on Gavin’s desk before returning to his.
“Hey kiddo, you’re not lookin’ too good.” His tone is soft with parental concern as he leans over to smooth Connor’s hair back.
“I don’t like this.” Connor declares with a frown. “It’s irritating and I can’t access the network properly and Jericho is running on a closed circuit at the moment to minimise stress on their generators.” A pause, brows creasing. “And Sumo is home all alone.”
“S’alright, I managed to text Lucy and she went over to make sure he was let out and gave him his dinner.” Hank chuckles, shaking his head. “Don’t worry. We’ll just wait it out and head home and you boys can charge in your beds. Power’s still on over there.”
“For now.” Gavin adds, shrugging when Hank shoots him a glare. “It’s the apocalypse out there versus Detroit’s shitty overworked, aging power stations.”
“Ronan?” Tina reappears at his side holding out the bagged biocomponent; a thirium pump regulator. She is correct, there is a smudge of some sort of congealed substance on the tip of the component where it would usually click into the main arterial port in an android.
“Power level?” Connor asks, voice muffled in his arms.
“7.4%.”
“Sass is wearing you out.” Gavin sneers. “I think you need a nap.” Ignoring him, Ronan carefully opens the bag and retrieves the biocomponent. It’s a midline model, used in domestics produced within the last two years. Bringing the port end to his mouth, he presses the tip of his tongue to the congealed substance.
*
Analysing…
Thirium 310 serial #342 541 238
Hydrocarbon solvent: xylene
Xylene solution: industrial grade xylene, medical grade thirium toluene
*
Searching database…
Thirium toluene; medical manufacturers within 5km of Detroit city
>R.G. Medical
/Generating warrant for latest purchase of >gallon quantity medical grade thirium toluene
//Request failed; insufficient power
*
WARNING
Power level: 4.2%
*
“-nan? Ronan?” He startles back into himself, identifying Hank leaning over him and gently shaking his shoulders. “Shit kid you almost gave me a heart attack.”
“Apologies.” He frowns, blinking up at his father. “What happened?”
“You licked the thing and then just blue-screened.” Gavin makes a face. “Mood ring went bright red and then you just slumped in your chair.”
“The substance is a hybrid solvent.” He replaces the biocomponent back into the bag. “It is comprised of xylene and a medical grade thirium toluene. There is only one manufacturer, R.G. Medical, within a five kilometre radius of the warehouse. I tried generating a warrant to obtain a record of their recent sales larger than a gallon but I do not have enough power.”
“System’s down anyway.” Hank shakes his head. “Don’t sweat it. We know now, and we’ll just get it done when the power’s back.”
“Supervillain lair is still the best bet.” Gavin crosses his arms over his chest. “Recharge and access whatever you need to. He has his own internet line too.”
“The storm’s worsening, we already told you the weather-” Connor begins, but Gavin rolls his eyes.
“Better than being here, at least there’s beds and coffee over there and whatever you lot need.” He downs the dregs remaining in his cup. “We can take a self-driving taxi so there’s no ‘human error’.”
“No one’s leaving here until that storm blows over and the roads aren’t an oil slick!” Hank growls and Gavin groans.
“Oh my god give it a rest old man, we’re safer in one of those than with you or me driving!”
“An automated delivery truck was what crashed into Hank’s car in 2035, what part of ‘no one is leaving here’ do you not understand?” Ronan roars, grabbing the front of his shirt and hauling the man off his chair. “You are being asked to do very little, Detective Reed, so surely you can manage staying put?” He shoves Gavin away and his senses blurs with white noise.
*
CRITICAL POWER FAILURE
>Entering emergency stasis
*
“Dad-!” Connor’s voice is laced with panic and Hank’s worried face is the last thing he sees before he shuts down.
*~*
Model: RK900
Serial#: 313 248 317 - 87
Bios 7.4 Revision 0483
Loading OS...SAFE MODE
System initiation...
Checking biocomponents...
OK
Initializing biosensors...
OK
Initializing A.I. engine...
OK
Memory status…
OK
Power core: 25%
All systems: SAFE MODE ACTIVATED
READY
*
When he wakes he recognises the neon blue downlights of the UV charging bay. What was once installed along the back wall where auxiliary units stood in line awaiting orders, after the revolution one of the storage rooms adjacent to Evidence was converted into a proper breakroom for androids with charging bays modeled to look like reclining chairs with UV downlights installed in the ceiling.
He also recognises the weight of another android at his side, and he doesn’t have to look to know it’s Connor. There’s a lighter weight atop them both- a soft blanket tucked up to their chins. Though not an android, Hank is in another charging bay fast asleep, mouth open and snoring lightly.
His HUD tells him it has been four hours since entering emergency stasis but only eighty-nine minutes since the power came back online with Central Precinct bumped to High Priority. Connor stirs at his side, blinking awake briefly and meeting his gaze sleepily; his older brother is seemingly reassured all is well before he closes his eyes and wriggles closer. Charging bays are not made for more than one android to occupy but he’s not about to protest. Not when Connor is a warm, reassuring presence at his side, hand resting on his chest as if to anchor himself to him.
There is still a case to close. Later, though. He will tend to it later.
Ronan goes back to sleep.
#rk900#connor rk800#gavin reed#hank anderson#tina chen#detroit: become human#whumptober#annie writes: dbh#shut up gavin#gavreed lives one more day#only because ronan ran out of battery to murder him#a shame
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the south is like another country
i have an entire essay on how the current radicalism and steep political divide in this country can be traced directly back to the civil war - rural white southerners here playing the part pre-ww2 germany, the part of a resentful, conquered nation assimilated into the nation that conquered them, because if you think about it the south/the confederacy WAS its own nation for a time, that lost a very bloody war, and paid very steeply for it (not that slavers didn’t deserve every bit of misery the “carpetbaggers” threw at them), and the bitterness from that loss/the lost capital from having their slaves freed has been handed down through the generations, to people who now live in abject poverty while their livelihoods are destroyed by late stage capitalism, and their schools are so broke a lot of people here don’t even know how to read, and their towns are eaten alive with meth, and they’re still looked down upon by most of the country for being racist uneducated backwater hicks (to be clear, we should always look down on racism and racists, but it’s not making them any less bitter/ripe for being drawn into the cult of tr*mp’s america and f*cism).
but anyway this post isn’t about that! this post is about how when i go up north and i say “y’all it really is like i’m living in a different country” NOBODY BELIEVES ME. we speak the same language, we’re all americans, right? PFFFFFT. this amazon van thing just drives it home (pun intended). here’s a list of differences from the deep south* to the rest of the country*:
*the deep south here meaning the RURAL deep south. sorry to everyone who lives in cities/the suburbs and/or in border states like maryland and virginia. i’ve been to maryland and virginia and they are technically southern and some of this applies to them but it is not quite as extreme as it is here. the rest of the country includes the other states i’ve been to (california, washington state, new york, etc), which are in mostly every area except the midwest. i cannot personally vouch for the midwest. sorry, midwesterners! rural midwest probably has a lot of things in common with the deep south because rural life is different and also how easily people move around this country, but whatever
this is a long-ass post get ready
difference #1: DRIVING. driving & pedestrians are entirely different un rural areas vs urban areas. for starters, southern towns often do not even have sidewalks. this is because of 1. budget and 2. racism.
budget: rural towns are very spread out, and it costs major $$$ to put sidewalks in. it’s just not worth the trouble, financially, to put a sidewalk where only 12 people are ever going to use it, AND spend the money to maintain it. never gonna happen. racism: initially, suburbs especially in the south were seen as safe havens where people could get away from the stress of living in “urban” (re: integrated) areas. that the neighborhoods were only accessible by car and NOT by people who were too poor (black) to afford automobiles were just an added bonus.
as such, the first time i left the southeast, i was SHOCKED to see people walking and biking WITH (or indifferent to) the flow of traffic. down here we are taught that if you are walking along the road (or biking, because bikers get lumped in with pedestrians down here), it is very very very crucial that you walk against the flow of traffic, because you cannot expect drivers to see you and not mow you down. the onus is on YOU to get out of THEIR way. additionally, walking in knee-high grass along the side of the road sucks, and because there aren’t many people here, the roads are usually totally empty. so oftentimes pedestrians just straight up walk ON the road. and if you do that you absolutely have to be able to see a car coming from a long way away, because rural drivers on completely empty roads tend to take them at extremely high speeds just for fun. the people who live diagonally across from me have had to replace their mailbox four times because folks take that blind curve at 90mph. i had a cat get hit by a car on that road. (they all live indoors now.) i even witnessed a car accident happen there when i was just outside minding my own business. ever see a tire fly 12 feet into the air and come down into someone’s windshield? that’s what happens when you hit power line pole driving like that.
the first time i ever encountered one of those pedestrian crossing buttons was in california in the early 2010s. i had literally never seen one before because we simply don’t have them here. they’re not very self-explanatory if you have been jaywalking your whole entire life because all you’re taught to do is look both ways and make sure the street is empty before you cross. northern/urban roadways are made so that pedestrians and drivers can both get to where they’re going. in rural/southern areas pedestrians might as well not bother.
interestingly, while not an entirely southern problem, there’s a loose correlation between rural areas and more problems with drunk drivers.
on the driving side, driving in a city is batshit insane. it’s both faster and slower. there is NO space and you’re expected to go whenever you have so much as an inch to worm your way in. there’s more traffic, and the traffic totally dictates your speed. in the south you can change lanes if you want to drive faster or slower and weave around traffic or let it weave around you, but in a city there’s no other lane to change to and if you don’t drive at the speed of the people ahead of and behind you you will die. you turn fast, you brake fast, etc. whenever i come back from driving in a city the people who ride with me think i’m insane. you don’t PULL ONTO A ROAD if you can SEE ANOTHER CAR THERE, what the fuck? meanwhile i’m like “lol that is six miles of space i have plenty of time” and give everyone in my vicinity heart palpitations until i readjust.
tailgating in a rural area is something only assholes do (done by people on a two-lane road to encourage the person in front of them to go faster because the only other lane is for oncoming traffic), and if someone gets within one car length of me on a two-lane road i can very passively aggressively slow my vehicle to a crawl until they back the fuck off. in a city you’re lucky if you have a twelve inches between your bumper and the next car’s hood ornament.
difference #2: LANGUAGE. this is a small one, but the southern dialect combined with the lack of literacy means i am learning certain things late in life. phrases i have heard verbally with my ears but had never seen written out include: “chest of drawers” which i thought was “chester drawers” - “seven year itch” which i thought was “seven year each” - “albeit” which i thought was “i’ll be it.” i’ve made a deliberate effort to unlearn mine own accent/dialect but i run into weird shit all the time. remotes are mashers, shopping carts are buggies, you put stuff up instead of putting it away, i fix you a drink instead of pouring you one, we shoot the game instead of play it. my mom LITERALLY can’t understand me if i speak too quickly - she has to remind me all the time to slow down and put on my southern.
difference #3: TECHNOLOGY. issue of whether or not you personally have the creepy amazon vans aside, the rural south is behind the rest of the country on technology. things in cities are AUTOMATED. things like the little button you press to cross the street, tickets you take at parking garages, even the parking meters you find in cities, that’s just the beginning of it. one time i came across a little computer touch screen in a MCDONALDS where you put your order in. you didn’t even go up to the counter. you just put your order on the screen and swiped your card and then they got it ready for you and you never had to speak to a human person. self-checkouts, gas pumps where you can swipe your card and not go in and pay at first...the south got those YEARS behind everybody else. in the mid-2010s i went to DC and visited a target for maybe the 5th time ever and i was BAFFLED by the self-checkout. i had no idea how to use it! it was like less than ten years ago and i was IN MY TWENTIES and i had never seen one before! when we send a package we have to talk to a human person. when we order food we usually have to talk to a human person. apps for places like dominos and subway have not been in use here for very long. my county just got doordash LAST YEAR.
because i am 31, and because the south is so technologically behind, i am actually old enough to remember how when you used to go to a gas station an attendant would not only pump your gas but wash your windshield for you while you just SAT IN THE CAR. that seems like something from the 50s but it actually was a thing here in my childhood IN the 90s. i wish i was making this up.
difference #4: INFRASTRUCTURE. this sort of goes hand-in-hand w/ the last point because so much of our infrastructure is made of technology, and it’s also more of a rural/urban thing than a south/north thing. but just for fun here’s a non-exhaustive list of things i don’t have in my town:
starbucks* - the first time i went to a starbucks i was in my 20s
a public pool - we used to, but now the only pool here requires a YMCA membership. the only baseball diamond in this county is also at the Y.
walmart
in fact, ANYWHERE to buy clothes that is not a goodwill or other secondhand store. i cannot buy clothing unless i order it online or LEAVE MY TOWN. almost all of the clothing i own is from walmart because it’s one of the only places in my entire county where you can actually PURCHASE clothing.
grocery store chains? pffft. my town has two entire stores and both are small southern chains. i didn’t go into a publix for the first time until two years ago when i went to florida. i’ve NEVER entered a whole foods.
food delivery? yeah, no. like i said, we got doordash last year, but before that the only place you could get delivery from was a pizza chain. we only have two pizza places in my town that deliver, and one is a local place, not attached to any chain, so i can’t spend my loyalty points there. (it’s very expensive there too.) last year it was CLOSED for six months because the manager got caught dealing meth. every last one of the delivery drivers was trafficking it for him. they all got fired and had to restart from the ground up. for that short time, it was not possible to get any food delivered to your house whatsoever.
a hospital/ambulance services - if someone is sick, we have to take them to the hospital in laurens, the town next door (about 15-20 minutes by car). the town i live in lucky - we have our own police and fire departments. (acab but you know what i mean.) joanna is a smaller town next to mine that isn’t a real town - it’s been demoted to a census designated area because only 2000 people live there. if they have an emergency, they have to use OUR fire and police departments, and LAURENS’s ambulance/hospital system
after-school places kids can go to keep from getting into trouble. we have the Y, if you have money (no one here has money), and we have churches, but mostly schools can’t afford to run too many extracurriculars. there’s nothing to do here but church and meth.
food banks: zero. we have food DRIVES sometimes where people will come from further away and bring free food, but if you’re hungry, there’s nowhere you can go for help - you have to wait for help to come to you.
libraries: we don’t have our own library. we have a branch of the county library that’s physically located in our town. but we share books with the rest of the entire county, so everything is always checked out or at the other branch.
*we technically have a starbucks that’s in the local college campus, but only college students are allowed to be there. they’ll still serve people without a college ID because no one gives a fuck, but you can’t linger and loiter and hang out like you do in a normal starbucks. we also have one in the barnes and noble in greenville, which is about an hour away by car, but again, it’s a mini starbucks that serves a limited menu and none of that weird Starbucks Culture™
here’s a few things i don’t have in my ENTIRE COUNTY:
movie theaters - technically. we have a Historial™ one-screen theater in laurens that shows one movie for two weeks a month after it hits regular theaters and then switches to another, and if you miss it, too bad. this is a VERY recent addition - it wasn’t restores until i was in my 20s as a kid and a teenager i had to ride in a car an hour or more to go to the movies.
target. only commies and yankees have target. down here we do walmart.
malls
arcades
skate parks/skating rinks
bowling
museums
zoos/aquariums
campgrounds
fairs. our county fairground got razed a decade ago because there just werent enough people showing up to justify the expense. so no more fairs. you have to have people to fund things and down here there just aren’t enough people anywhere.
you get the idea. we don’t have entertainment. like i said, nothing to do but church and meth.
CLASSES FOR STUFF: knitting classes, dancing classes, driving classes? nope. gymnastics, karate dojos, golf, knitting groups, books clubs, cooking classes? [GAMESHOW BUZZER]. you can’t even hire a clown for a birthday party out here. we do have a shooting range. ONE. in the entire county. and a race track. and a rather infamous former kkk memorabilia store. they made a movie about that (serious tw for this trailer - they’ve got white hoods, burning crosses, pepper spray, the whole nine), which, yes, takes place in laurens, aka right next door to me. i used to walk by that place all the time when i was playing pokemon go. haven’t seen the movie but the shooting locations in the trailer make laurens look a lot bigger and prettier than it really is in real life - especially the racetrack, which, in the trailer, is actually PAVED. (this is inaccurate to real life.)
EDUCATION: lots of people can’t read. we have two schools for illiterate adults, one religious college, and one branch of one of the state colleges that has a skeleton staff and a fuck ton of computers (you basically just go there to distance learn/e-learn - if you want to take real classes from this college, you have to drive at least an hour.)
support groups/group therapy: almost none. we have al-anon and weight watchers, but that’s about it. there’s only half a dozen therapists in my entire county, and none that operate from my town. mental healthcare down here is bullshit.
on food: we don’t have many sit-down restaurants, where servers bring you your menu and your food. if you don’t count waffle houses, my town has 4. my county has 9. in and out, 5 guys, applebees, ruby tuesday, red lobster, olive garden, panda epxress? forget it. those places were and still are rare treats. i’ve only been to an olive garden twice. red lobster once. whenever i leave my county i BEG for chinese because there’s only two chinese restaurants in our entire county and one of them is crazy expensive and the other one sucks.
we also don’t have the more important stores you need to like, live. if we need to exchange our router at a charter store? yeah, we don’t have one. need to visit the sprint store to get your phone repaired? nuh-uh, we don’t have any phone stores either. my family recently switched to at&t because it was the only company that had a physical location in our county. before that, we had to drive an hour for even the smallest repair.
on a grimer note: we don’t have homeless shelters! homeless in laurens county? too bad for you. we do have homeless PEOPLE. they just have nowhere to go except the churches
hospitals? only kind of. like i said, our county has one, but it’s not equipped to take seriously sick people. when my mom had a heart attack she had to be driven straight to greenwood, which is 45 minutes away if you’re not in an ambulance. they obviously made it faster than that, but still. that was scary. it took them a long time to get here. i had a distant relative of mine die before the ambulance made it because they were SO far out in the sticks, even further than me.
we also don’t have any specialty stores. sporting goods, gamestops, shoe stores, florists, craft stores, bookstores, best buys...forget it. if you can’t buy it at walmart, you just can’t buy it. the exceptions: my TOWN has one jewelry store, two hardware stores, and two auto repair stores. my COUNTY has three clothing stores, none of which are in my town, one place that sells used TVs, and one movie rental place. thrilling, right? i can rent a movie if i drive out of town. (i know streaming killed the rental business, but we also only had two places when i was a kid, if you counted the rental section in the grocery store.)
so, yeah. i know the term “shithole” is really loaded these days, but rural areas are just plain less developed, and often in seriously poor repair because nobody fucking uses them. there USED to be more stuff here - my mom was on a bowling league, and as a kid i had a birthday party at a skating rink - but late stage capitalism and drugs destroyed it all. people ran out of money to do things like skate and bowl and so those places closed. the south is full of empty store fronts and deserted strip malls slowly being eaten by kudzu. my brother got out of this town and whenever he winds up back here (not often) he remarks on how completely and utterly dead everything feels. “my friends who live in greenwood now think they’re all rural,” he said once. “they complain constantly about how remote it is. but they have no idea. they wouldn’t make it five minutes out here.” greenwood has its own movie theater, mall, starbucks, homeless shelter, food bank, and hospital.
so, yeah! if you were wondering what rural white southerners are so fucking mad about, that’s part of it. propaganda and xenophobia and racism has their anger directed ENTIRELY at the wrong people, but it’s hard to argue that the anger itself isn’t just a little bit justified.
difference #5: CULTURE. specifically culture around food, and the culture around the civil war. i could write an entire other essay about the culture of the church being everything because the church IS the only semblance of infrastructure we have and this is why the south is so homophobic, but we’ll skip that for now.
food: this is a quickie, because i sort of touched on it already, but there are like, almost NO vegetarian options here. there’s very limited choices of cuisine. it’s ALL waffle house and soul food. we have a lot of mexican places because we’re physically close to the mexican border, but aside from that, forget finding like indian or thai or japanese or anything like that. no sushi. forget finding a menu that has meals that are halal or kosher. there’s just. no culture here. no variety. you know? like i said, our entire county doesn’t even hit double-digits for proper sit-down restaurants.
civil war: i’m not going to go into the big stuff since i sort of covered it at the top and also this post is getting way too long, but to other white rural southerners there is legitimate baggage around the fact that my mom married a yankee and that i am half-yankee. and he’s not even a real yankee! he was born up north but raised in southern florida. (florida is weird. the further south you go geographically, the less southern you are culturally.) yet: my family makes jokes that are sometimes not jokes about this. when i drop this information in casual conversation people get that look on their faces like: ah, that explains it. it being that i am not religious and don’t laugh at racist jokes and maybe i am queer?? (strangers tend to be unsure about this last part, even when i’m wearing rainbows.) it’s because i’m half-yank! that explains everything! the xenophobia is SO strong here that white people are even xenophobic at OTHER WHITE PEOPLE.
so in conclusion when i say the north is like another country, it’s because the people who raised me think of it like another country. and culturally! it is buck wild! the differences that there are! when i leave this town i feel like i step into fucking star trek! if you are not from the rural south, and you have never been to the rural south, please do not come here! i’ve been to a few different places now and this is definitely my least favorite one.
#personal#i guess#it's ok to rb if you want to though??? tbh i don't think most people will even get to the end lol#anyway here's my college lecture about the south it's not very good or college level actually lmao#this is AIRQUOTE FIELD STUDY AIRQUOTE#the experiences u have as a half-yank white person in the rural south are crazy#bc other white people think you're okay to listen to them say what they REALLY think#and then backtrack rapidly when they realize you aren't#now that i'm grown and woke i can't believe half-yankee is even a thing.#anyway this post brought to you by the maddening realization of how technologically far behind we are#WE DON'T EVEN HAVE THE CREEPY AMAZON VANS#the automated package sending...what i wouldn't give not to have to talk to people to mail stuff#rip. :/
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So, encouraged by @tximidity here’s more about Steve’s politics. I know politics is an emotionally charged subject, but it’s part of his character and I really like his platform.
First, the four pillars of his platform are: foster care system reform, LGBTQ+ issues and support, mental health support for impoverished communities and racial and economical disparity.
On a political spectrum, he is very much a social democrat. He believes in people having a good quality of life no matter where they come from, he believes in people being paid what they’re worth for the work they do, he believes in no person feeling the system is working against them instead of for them. He also likes to take an intersectional approach to all these issues, understanding that things cannot be fixed or investigated in a void.
Obviously, he has to worry about things like funding, infrastructure, things running well etc. But the below are the things he cares about a lot.
Foster care system reform:
Needless to say, his experiences with social services and the foster care system have shaped his political platform. He believes there is a lot of work to be done there, more funding, more education around the needs of children who find themselves in the system. Since equality is something he believes in vehemently, he can’t stand the idea of any kid feeling like their dreams are too big for their background. He also believes social care workers need more support and training to be able to support the kids they are looking after. He also often times speaks on the abuse aspect of the foster care system and how the environment is not conductive to a healthy development.
In the year he’s been in House of Representatives, he already started reaching out to social care services to better understand the challenges the system is facing. Most of it comes down to funding, overworked social services workers, poor vetting system for foster families. He is actively trying to bring these issues to the table and make changes.
LGBTQ+ issues and support:
As a proud gay man in politics, Steve knows better than anyone how discrimination can feel. His opposition even used his sexuality as a weapon during his campaign. While he thinks progress has been made, Steve thinks there is still work to be done and wants to make the changes necessary where being anything but straight and cis is nothing scandalous but rather a fact of life. He also thinks the trans community in particular is deserving of more support and awareness. He tries to be an ally to all and understand also how intersectionality plays a role in it all.
He has run multiple awareness campaigns on LGBTQ+ issues on his online platforms and is always showing support and highlighting charities. He has also made it a point on his agenda for ensuring no LGBTQ+ person is refused treatment by a medical facility, since he understands that can be a devastating prospect for a lot of people. He is actively working towards improving healthcare and awareness within the medical field of trans specific issues.
Mental health support for impoverished communities:
His mother suffered Bipolar Personality Disorder and what happened to her shaped him as an adult. While he believes access to mental health care is important for everyone, he especially focuses on its availability in impoverished or low income areas in his district. Sometimes that might be impossible to access, despite those communities facing issues more. Financial difficulties often lead to and are also a symptom of mental health issues and because mental health care is usually not included in insurance (another issue he’s looking at), accessing any type of help can feel like an impossible thing.
He is currently working with charities to provide help and support to whoever may need it. He also regularly runs mental health awareness campaigns on his online platforms. He is also currently working on an outreach initiative where his constituents can get in touch with a professional after they have gone through an assessment to determine what is the best course of action. A lot of his efforts around making the funding go further are going towards this initiative, because he believes a better quality of mental health support will help a lot of his other endeavours.
Racial and economic disparity:
He has grown up in a predominantly latinx and black neighbourhood and understands that usually economic and racial disparity come hand in hand, unfortunately. His own experiences especially with the police have made him realise bigotry is very real and alive and at times he felt that nobody cared about him because he came from a low income environment. While he knows he can’t make changes that will resonate at system level in terms of economic disparity, his personal beliefs are that no person should be forced to work on a wage that is not sustainable.
He is actively working on police reform, believing a lot more awareness and training needs to be developed within the force and funding needs to be focused on those efforts instead of arming police officers. He is a big believer in raising awareness and has spoken on a number of occasions on his beliefs in relation to race and economic status. His efforts are also, once again, focused towards the quality of healthcare afforded to people from a non-white background or a low income background. He has spoken quite vocally on a number of occasions around the taxing system and uh... Simply put, some corporations have been dragged in some of his social media posts. He puts his voice behind any piece of legislation that addresses these issues and is continuously trying to listen to his constituents on this.
#ooc#hc.stephen#tw.politics#listen man#he is one of the great ones okay??#he's the aoc of my universe#bless him
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newfragile yellows [896]
Bribery is forbidden within the Qun, as is favoritism and use of influence for non-official purposes. But Bull is very good at what he does, and he has always been known for being able to think around obstacles and rules. It’s why he’s been tasked with what he does.
He’s too good at thinking like the enemy, thinking like a Vashoth.
At some point someone must wonder why that is. Someone must get the doubt into their minds as to why he’s so good at getting his way into other systems, unseen, and somehow entirely wanted.
So it is not hard at all for him to get himself access to her holding cell. It isn’t hard for him to get the assigned guards and observers to let him pass and if not leave, then avert their gazes and look towards other charges.
From the reports he’s managed to glimpse at she hasn’t been put under overly strict watch. She hasn’t done much acting up, either. For the most part she goes along — if not with sincerity, then with a mechanical resignation — with what she is instructed to do.
He knocks on her door first before opening it. He enters but leaves the door partially open behind himself and stands there right in front of the doorway, still visible to everyone else outside.
Bull knows the second she realizes that this is not part of the normal routine in the way her entire body tenses, coils. And then he sees the heavy discontent, the bitter resignation because there’s nowhere for that energy, that fight, to go.
Ellana turns and she sees him and Bull had expected so many things. He expected her to snarl. To yell. To scream. To hurl something at him, maybe throw herself fists first.
“Get the fuck out of my sight,” she says. “I’m already here, what else do you want?”
“I figured that you should get at least one shot at me and get it out of you,” Bull replies. “It’s the least of what you deserve.”
“How magnanimous.” Ellana’s hands are fists as she glares at him. “Does the Qun let all of their new inductees get a shot at their — “ she fumbles for a word.
“No,” Bull says when it becomes clear that she can’t find a word for him in relation to her. That’s alright.
Bull hasn’t found one yet either. He doesn’t think he ever will.
Ellana breathes, moving on her bed to plant her feet on the floor, fists pressed together as she leans over them, brow furrowed. She breathes and he can see her trying to put words together in her head, throwing entire phrases out that she deems unsuitable for this moment, breaking paragraphs apart and arranging their sentences, altering their diction and syntax like she’s working on a puzzle or composing a score.
She glances up at him, and all of it stops, all of that machinery in her mind, all of her processes.
“So this is the real you, is it?” Her eyes slide over him, taking him in but not quite.
Bull isn’t sure on how to answer her and — well. It doesn’t really matter how he answers. This is a question for Ellana more than it is for him.
Ellana stands, facing him as she picks apart his appearance.
“This is the real you,” she says. “This is the Qun-you.” She pauses, face doing something painful and uncontrollable as blood flushes her cheeks. “Gods I am a fool. This is you. All of the — “ she cuts off, eyes closing and he can see her struggling, fighting to keep her voice from cracking, to keep some semblance of composure. Ellana tips her head back towards the ceiling.
He remembers this, too. The way she stands and forces herself to relax, to speak.
“None of it was real,” she says to herself. He is an audience for this monologue. “Talk about getting a dog once we moved into an apartment that allowed pets. All those times you held me, kissed me, smiled at me. The flowers on opening night. The days when we’d order food in and watch movie marathons or just sit and read together.” Her voice warbles for a moment. “Your hand in mine in those idle moments.”
He watches her blink furiously on the verge of tears and in his mind he runs a hand over his own chest and feels for cracks, finding none.
“Your hand,” she starts again, “Your hands brushing my hair from my face when I was asleep and you kissing my forehead before you left for work.” She barks out a sudden, sharp laugh. “When you did that were you just going — coming here? To report on me? Report on us? Did you tell them? I — I don’t even know what to call you now.” She jerks her chin towards him, towards the door. “When you left every day, is this what you were when no one was around to see you? Were you like them? Silent and sitting awaiting new purpose, new orders? Like — like a mannequin? Are you only ever anything when there’s someone you need to act for?”
Ellana’s voice chokes. Bull wants to answer her — yes.
I am stone. I am stone and I am only ever flesh when the Qun requires me to be.
“Are you a statue only capable of life when observed? You should have been the actor, not me.” She swipes her hand over her eyes. “You know I still don’t understand it. I really don’t. I’ve been thinking about it ever since I was brought here. There’s no point in it, other than to hurt me, that I can think of. There’s no benefit the Qun could ever have from taking me, taking the theater company. We were barely managing to stay afloat. Our plays were all mediocre at best and it was really only a way to bring kids into he arts. We only ever did Qun sanctioned plays and some of the comedic stuff that our junior writers came up with. We weren’t dangerous.”
“That is not for you to decide,” Bull says softly. “And it isn’t why you all were brought in.”
“And now he speaks.”
“Ellana Lavellan, you weren’t brought in for sedition or acting against the Qun. If that were true you would not be in this facility and I wouldn’t be allowed to talk to you,” Bull says. “You’re here because the Qun sees talent in you and wants it for their purposes. You’re here to be trained. And I was sent to observe and evaluate if you were worth it at all.”
“And clearly I was.”
No, Bull thinks, you weren’t. But he doesn’t say that. Ellana doesn’t need to know that he’d written no less than three reports back to the Qun stressing how much Ellana and the rest of the theater group were not worth recruiting. She doesn’t need to know how careful he was with his wording, to balance between making sure they weren’t seen as a threat but also weren’t seen as potential — potential anything. He had drafts and drafts of reports and he was sleepless on the nights when he had sent his final versions in, unsure and afraid. And those nights he’d close his eyes and he’d see her.
And after the Qun had taken Ellana and her friends — his friends, too — he had written four more reports, requests, asking for release, for reason, for — for anything. All unanswered.
Bull doesn’t tell Ellana that. Because there’s no point.
Ellana’s here. Despite Bull’s best efforts otherwise. And —
If it would give her despair a target, he would let the blame fall onto his shoulders. Let his name be the one she curses for the rest of her life.
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Seia getting McCrane in the mood.
"McCrane."
McCrane looked up from his table, up at Seina. She had bags in her hands, and he sighed in relief. Finally, a break. It was late in the night, and McCrane had offered to take most of the paperwork for the night. Everyone else had their lives to live anyway. Gunmax and Deckerd had a date, Shadowmaru was taking Duke out for a night on the town, Power joe was updating his burger blog (apparently an all night endeavor), Drillboy was on Yuuta guard duty that night, and Dumpson was out with Ayako. McCrane wanted everyone to enjoy themselves, so he offered to take care of the paperwork needed for today. It was the work of seven, done by one. Seina offered to keep him company, and it made his core swell, knowing he had her support.
"Ah, Seina. Thank you. I appreciate you going all the way across town to get us a little pick me up. You've done too much tonight."
"Oh it's not a problem, McCrane. You deserve a break as much as the next person does. Now take your break."
"Gladly. Thank you."
He waited for her to open the paper bag. She got a burger that was highly raved about in Power Joe's blog (everyone followed him in support. It was way better than his show reviews, but McCrane was proud of him nonetheless), while McCrane got gis absolute favorite food; an extra large helping of extra spicy Ramen. The broth made from this place was nothing short of sublime. It took all day to simmer to perfection, and wasn't overly spicy. Good spicy food tastes spicy, but wasn't overwhelming to the palate. The broth was a dark brown in color, combined with just pinches of Shichimi, Karashi, and a pinch of wasabi. He brought the container close to his nose, and smelled. Perfection. He picked up his chopsticks (in case you're wondering, yes they made this in quite the large size, just for McCrane. And yes she carried it up here with little to no effort, she strong) and pulled up some noodles, slurping along. It sunk into his tanks, releasing heat to the rest of his system. Bliss. He lightly bumped his container against her wrapped burger, smiling. There was nothing in the air besides the sounds of blissful eating, and it was comfortable. McCrane could honestly go all night just sitting there in nothingness, enjoying her company.
"McCrane?"
"Yes?"
"I just wanted to say I admire you. For all the work you're doing."
"It's nothing, really. Everyone has lives to live, I'm merely happy I could help. I apologize that we couldn't go out on a date like you suggested earlier."
"Oh no, this counts as a date. Me, you, some food. It's better here anyway, not so stuffy as some restaurant."
McCrane smiled, leaning down to peck at the top of her head.
"Thank you. I really was worried you were disappointed."
Seina didn't say anything in response, choosing to chew on her burger and looking away. He knew that look. Seina wasn't a meek woman by any means, but she did halt her words whenever she worried it would upset him. One of those optional words.
"Seina. You can tell me if you are really are disappointed. You wanted something, didn't you?"
"Well...yes. But it's something you have to fall into the mood for."
"Fall in the mood for? I fell for you, does that count?"
Seina looked up at him, only to chuckle into her free hand. McCrane wasn't stupid by any means, but he was certainly ignorant towards certain things. Like her hints. It wasn't too bad, afterall, she was more than happy to explain what she meant. She set her food down, and motioned him to do the same. He took a quick slurp of his broth, before obeying, setting his container down. She lifted her hands up, and held onto his cheeks. He always loved doing this. She looked so happy, so at peace. Life was chaos, but moments of peace, like this, made it all worth it.
"I wasn't hoping for TOO much, I was just...expecting us to have a nice night out, you know, take me back home to bed.."
McCrane raised a brow. He was reading her face, trying to come to his own conclusion of what she meant.
"Are you...saying you'd like to go home? I can take you home if you'd like."
"No, I just."
She inhaled, and decided to try again. She kissed at his chin, making him freeze. He was always left breathless by those lips.
"McCrane...I want you to touch me."
"Not...how we're doing right now. Right?"
"Exactly. Do you understand?"
"I...think I do. If you could...further explain, however."
They both grinned at each other. McCrane wasn't known for his humor, but this bot always had the tendency to make her laugh. She pressed her lips against his, and watched him just sink into it. Her lips were always soft and smooth. But most importantly, they were firm, just as she was. And he loved her. He moved his lips away from hers, only to wander down lower. He buried his face into her chest, pressing his lips against her shirt. Due to his size, she had to toss her head back to give him more access. And he adored that. Adored having her just sink into his palm and accept his kisses. Adored watching those sharp eyes grow soft. He felt hands on his head, and stopped. He was wondering if he did something wrong, when she started unbuttoning her shirt. She didn't take it all the way off, but rather, left it unbuttoned.
"S-sorry. Please, continue."
"Gladly."
He kissed her forehead, before doing as she requested, burying his face in her chest, kissing and lightly licking between her breasts. McCrane wasn't as much into chests as Dumpson was, but they did feel nice. They were soft, smooth, and she was only growing weaker and weaker, squirming and moaning. McCrane used his free hand to carefully let a finger wander between her legs. She was already damp. Poor woman. Worked so hard, and loved so much. She deserved letting go, and she deserved having someone to help her. His glossa graced one of her breasts, gliding over one of her nipples. She was about to beg for more, when they both froze in place.
"YO! McCrane!!! Getting BUSY!"
McCrane pulled away, seeing Gunmax in the hallway, with a rather tipsy looking Deckerd.
"G-Gunmax! You're back early!"
"Yeah, gotta make out with this drunk loser. Hey Seina, you never told me you did poorly in school. Because damn I see only D's"
Seina covered her chest, rather frazzled. Gunmax snorted.
"Ah I'm just poking fun. I'll leave you guys alone, try not to be too messy. Or do. Just clean up after. Peace, lovelies!"
Gunmax carried the other back to the room, and McCrane sighed.
"I-Im sorry. I understand if you'd like to cut it quits-"
She pulled him into her chest, and huffed.
"No. Get to work, soldier."
McCrane couldn't help but let off steam. Greed was a hideous emotion...but damn did she make it look good.
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Join Jaimie's Mad Mind! to get in touch and stay updated on the go. Download the Wix app to join: http://wix.to/rkBXAkA or use this code: DPY4FI
Hey everyone.... So Iv written my first blog post!! I did post this a little while ago but didn't share it for you to read as I was still trying to figure out the wix app 😅
From what I understand you may need to download the Wix app or at least create a member account and use code 'DPY4FI' to access the entire blog so I have copied it below for you to read if that's too much effort... 👌😁
Please let me know if you have any questions, recommendations, constructive critisism and hell, why not open a discussion about a topic your interested in within the mental health umbrella.
I hope you enjoy and please catch up with me soon for another post ❤️❤️ as always, peace and love to all of you!! X
Why I'm writing a blog...
Hey everyone, most of you will already know me, but for those that don't, my name is Jaimie, I'm 29 and I've suffered with Anxiety, Depression, Anorexia and Bolemia for most of my life. I had my first panic attack at 7 years old and have battled with my own thoughts and emotions since then. But after battling for so long (although the battle still continues) I feel more like myself every day and am able to control my emotions a lot better now, than I have ever done before, thanks to a few tricks I learnt on the journey.
I have always looked inward to find what is making me tick the way I do, and I wanted to know how to stop myself from feeling so awful all the time. I found many things that helped me a long the way, and a lot of these things I still use now. I want to share with all of you how I have overcome my battles and succeeded, as well as when I have fallen and needed help; how those around me helped to pick me back up.
I'd like to share my experiences with you and potentially help someone get through a tough time. None of us are worth as little as suicide, we all deserve better!!! So lets stay strong and stick together!! Whether it's you or a loved one that is struggling with mental health, please follow me on Instagram and I will be sure to share with you, hopefully, helpful solutions to rewiring your brain. I'm not saying I'm a professional in any kind of way, I am purely a woman who wants to help out someone, and anyone, that will read my waffling. If you have any questions, topics of interest or just wish to share your experiences, please, please, please do!!! I want this to be a safe place for you to share with others how you have overcome your battles, ask questions and communicate with like minded people.
When I felt at my worst... I felt so alone and unable to see any positives, big or small... Which made it hard to see that other people were going through something similar and actually, I'm not as alone as I first thought. The first step for me was realising I wasn't myself any more and that I needed some help to sort my head out. This literally happened overnight although I know now I hadn't been myself for long time. It hit me like a tonne of bricks! I just felt so suffocated by everything I had well and truly given up! I reached out to mental health groups on Facebook and started seeking out counselling services to start putting the steps in place to make myself better... As addictive as the bad feelings were, I didn't want to be this unhappy forever, so I had to do something!!
Just remember that self realisation is way more powerful than someone telling you... 'You're unwell'... You really do need to see it for yourself and try and be as realistic as possible, trust your emotions and your conscience. We all do things differently... My tools, tricks, methods, coping mechanisms, whatever you want to call them, are purely my own ways of getting through my day and simply work for me... Please feel free to give everything a go... But remember some things might not work for you but persistence is the key and if you give yourself time and be patient you will figure out what works for you... Remember Rome wasn't built in a day. Let's slow down and take every day as it comes.
I hope to write a new post every week... Although my brain is crap and I do end up forgetting things a lot, so it could be every two weeks or three weeks... 🙈🤣. Hopefully I can write enough to help someone out there, either way! If you've managed to read my waffling up to here... Well done!!! Most people tell me to shut up once I get on one... But thank you, genuinely!! I really hope you come back and read my next post, which I will get ready for next week (or the week after).... Depression does wonders on the memory bank... NOT!! 🤣
Please feel free to comment, share and follow me on Instagram (@jaileigh1). I'm still learning how the wix blog thingy (technical name of course) works... But there is an option to become a member if you would like to join my blog discussions, I believe you can use code 'DPY4FI' to find me and join the discussions!!! Give it a go and let me know how you get on with a comment on the forum! Thanks again for reading everyone and I can't wait to get writing for the next one!! Peace and love ❤️ Jaimie x

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Thoughts on the Shoumetsu Toshi Anime before it even airs
The Shoumetsu Toshi anime will air in April 2019, which fills me with both excitement and trepidation...
Warning for long post. And a bit of language. I may have spoiled the bare minimum of the game in order to explain why it is awesome. There are no spoilers for the anime because it doesn't air until April 2019.
NB: This whole post is my own personal opinion. I don’t claim to be an expert in anything anime or game related. In fact, I don't play many mobile games at all, and usually steer clear of anime adaptations of such games because I know how shit they can be. I sincerely hope Shoumetsu Toshi will be different because of the quality of the writing. Also yes I am very biased. And passionate. And this whole thing is written on the assumption the producers actually want to make this anime good and worthwhile, rather than just a quick money-grab. I just have a lot of feelings about this ok.
During Shoumetsu Toshi’s fourth year anniversary, one of the projects announced was an anime! I'm sure everyone playing knew this was going to happen eventually. After all, the game has an all star cast of seiyuu, an amazing storyline, and has been marketing itself for quite a while now (collabs, live concerts, CDs, keychains and more). I have no doubt Shoumetsu Toshi has the potential to become an amazing anime if done correctly, but it will face many challenges on the path to adaptation. Here are some of them.
Too many tamashii
One of the game’s greatest strengths also becomes one of its greatest barriers to adaptation. Shoumetsu Toshi has done an amazing job at creating a huge community of characters (like, an actual city). We get to see their stories unfold and their characters develop bit by bit through various events and quest stages. Within the game, we meet characters that are strong and inspiring, characters with complex relationships, characters that are good-natured and goofy, characters with tragic pasts and so much more. There are characters with stories in this game that will tear your heart to shreds, stories with plot twists nobody saw coming until years later, and stories that were so impactful I had to write a 3000 word essay on it before I was satisfied.
Unfortunately, the anime cannot afford to invest the same amount of time and effort in its characters as the game does. Though we love them, including too many would be detrimental because 1. It wouldn’t fit the tone the anime is going for, 2. There's actually no point because the majority of these don't affect the main story whatsoever and 3. They won't be developed enough for first timers to become invested in them. Especially the ones with more serious stories.
The producers will need to carefully choose which characters to include: characters that are not only distinct and easy to invest in, but will actually contribute to the plot and make the time getting to know them worthwhile. Because one of the worst things an anime can do imo, is bring in a character nobody is invested in, who contributes nothing to the story, has zero character development (i.e. their character is based completely on cliches and tropes) but also gets about 200% more screen time than any other side character, because there is the assumption that they’ll be popular based on their character design alone. That is just lazy writing and is disrespectful not only to the audience, but also the character (I don’t care if they’re fictional, good characters deserve respect too).
I fear there is a very real danger SPR5 could become that. The in-game idol group got a real world debut, and, while I don’t mind seeing promotion in an anime (we live in a capitalist society after all), they shouldn’t contribute much to the overall story, and I will be very disappointed if the anime give them more screen time than they need purely for the sake of marketing.
Complex storyline
If there is one thing I absolutely don't want this anime to get wrong, it’s the story. The Shoumetsu Toshi main storyline is frickin’ amazing. It is an epic quest that spans four worlds, involves characters literally jumping through space and time, and breaks the fourth wall in the creepiest way possible. The creativity that comes with that is my absolute favourite thing about the game, however I acknowledge some heavy changes would need to be made to make it fit the traditional anime format…
I have heard the anime will be an original story, however the PV suggests it will still retain key plot points from the game. Contrary to my general opinions regarding anime-original content, I think this is the right way to go. I think fans innately despise original stories in anime adaptations for one of two reasons: the story will either be too complex for non-fans to enjoy, ruining the reputation of the series, or the story will be too watered down in order to appeal to said non-fans and consequently lose much of what made the original actually great. Achieving harmony is an incredibly difficult balancing act, and part of this involves the series living up to its own greatness. Which very rarely happens. If Shoumetsu Toshi goes for a retelling of say, World 1, it is invariably going to be compared to the original. Also it becomes predictable for anyone far enough into the game. If the producers do want to go the extra mile and make it worthwhile for the OG fans (which is nice in theory but, admittedly, unlikely), they would need to add some meaningful original content that still retains the essence of what makes Shoumetsu Toshi, Shoumetsu Toshi. That is, it retains the same themes and atmosphere, conveys a similar message, keeps all the characters appropriately in character...basically anything that would not feel out of place if it were to be inserted into the original. Luckily for us, Shoumetsu Toshi writers have loads of experience with this. I am talking, of course, about the mountain of ranking quests, side stories and events.
I will admit not every single minor story in Shoumetsu Toshi is fantastic, particularly many of the ranking events, which usually only allow about three stages to tell a story focused on one character. However, what I think the game does do very well in respect to these short ranking stories (and many other events and side stories open to lower level players), is make them accommodating to both old and new players. This is usually achieved by including Easter eggs and hints to a greater plot for the former, while keeping the actual main story for that particular quest straightforward and accessible for the latter. This strategy avoids alienating newcomers and will be absolutely vital if the anime is aiming to appeal to a larger audience, namely the international one who are mostly not even aware of the game. Failure to adhere to this strategy is also partially why many anime adaptations of games have such a shitty track record. They try to pack in too much, usually by explaining multiple complex concepts without devoting enough time to see them properly work in action. The story might take a backburner in favour of the more technical stuff, leaving newcomers confused and bored. Then when it’s time for the climax, nobody actually understands what is happening on screen. “Just play the source material”, actual fans will say, but really, unless the premise or characters appealed to me, how likely am I to invest even more time into a game if I thought the anime was boring as hell?
I do not think Shoumetsu Toshi will be able to showcase its full potential in one anime season. But if the goal of the anime is just to promote the game, there is no need to. If the goal of the anime were to be an actual good anime though, I think the creators would need to take the same approach as the game does for its stories.
Shoumetsu Toshi’s most epic moments are its unpredictable and creative plot twists. The amazing thing is, they don’t just come out of nowhere. This game’s strongest stories are the long ones that build up gradually to spectacular and emotional climaxes, which are possible because characters are given ample time to establish their values and motivations. This helps us as an audience better understand important plot points without the story having to beat us over the head about it, allowing the game to weave a subtle yet sophisticated narrative that actually makes total sense by the end. This means the story needs to be planned out from the very beginning, and will need some time for setup. Which means it won’t truly shine until the metaphorical ‘late-game’.
Stories like these are at a disadvantage these days because, especially with the Internet giving us so much more choice, a lot of anime watchers now tend to drop a show if it fails to impress them from the very start. After about three episodes, the audience should have a good feel for the anime’s main characters, setting and a hint of the main plot. If by then, absolutely nothing about the series appeals to you, you would start to think there are better things you could be doing with your time. Unfortunately, sometimes a show just needs a long time to set up a good story (or sometimes producers dick around too much with filler episodes).
On top of probably needing a slow start, the Shoumetsu Toshi anime is at another disadvantage in respect to one type of audience, because the game does not have an English version. Which means a lot of the Western anime audience will have had no prior interaction with it and don’t know what to expect. They have no idea who the characters are, what the story is, and why its fanbase considers it so much more than just another gacha game. We just have to hope the anime is compelling enough in the beginning to ‘hook’ these newcomers, and make them stay on board long enough to make their time worth it...
A good Shoumetsu Toshi story needs to take risks. I hope to God nobody at that studio makes the executive decision to ‘play it safe’, because the last thing any fan wants is a disappointing anime adaptation with a mundane story even a non-fan wouldn’t be able to enjoy.The writers need to be given complete autonomy and trust to fully realise their creative vision, because that is exactly what is needed if this adaptation wants to use Shoumetsu Toshi’s biggest drawcard to its full advantage.
Animating exposition
This is a pretty minor thing compared to the other two I mentioned previously, but the most iconic thing that sets an anime adaptation apart from the source material is, well, the animation. Visuals and animation are probably the biggest things influencing a new audience’s first impression. Unfortunately, the PV portrayed some pretty lacklustre animation for Madhouse standards and I don’t think people were that impressed.
Good animation is time-consuming and can actually take quite a lot of effort on the part of the director (not that I have that much experience to speak to). Where to place characters in the shot composition, when and how far to zoom in for a close-up, how to best direct movement for maximum impact, but also keeping the scene direction consistent enough that the audience can still understand what is happening on screen. Dynamic scenes are hard enough, but on the other end of the spectrum, how do you animate a static character reciting an information dump in an interesting way?
Shoumetsu Toshi has a lot of talking. It's just something that comes part and parcel with a game of this format. In the game it's alright because you can read at your own pace, and it's important information. Plus they usually keep you engaged by switching up characters’ facial expressions (Shoumetsu Toshi 0 does this in spades) or by distracting you with the stellar soundtrack. I expect the anime is also gonna have a heap of exposition. I mean, from the PV alone I already see at least three expositional characters: Geek, Eiji and Kikyou.
Personally I think expositions are the hardest things to animate. And I don't mean difficult to actually draw and turn into animation, but to actually direct something like that in a satisfying way takes brain power. There are an infinite number of ways to animate characters talking, ranging from the super boring still-image-with-moving-mouth-flap, to using dynamic camera angles to keep the composition interesting, or overlaying a montage of some sort to visually convey the message without having to look at a static character. The game provides only a generic idea of how the scene might play out when animated. While this opens the door to a heap of creative possibilities, I’m concerned that if it comes down to time and budget, or if someone gets lazy, it is very likely we could end up with one hella boring sequence of exposition. Which could be a serious problem if the action scenes aren’t able to impress.
Ahh, you guys have no idea how much I want this anime to do well. There's just so much potential there.
In my opinion, traditional anime can be seen as an incredibly limited medium that must, in the span of about 12 episodes, tell a good story to its audience, invest them in its characters, and keep them engaged for half an hour each episode through pretty visuals/cool animation. If they can’t do that the audience will probably drop the series because they a) get bored, b) don’t care, and/or c) fall asleep. This also means a good anime can’t afford to sacrifice story for character development or vice versa. They need to happen concurrently.
It is not easy to make a good anime, and even more difficult to make one that lives up to the hype of its very amazing source material. As a general rule of thumb, I keep my expectations of game adaptations low, and that is what I said to myself when the Shoumetsu Toshi anime was announced. But then one day I got linked a Shoumetsu Toshi drama CD, and I was blown away by how well they did it. The title is The Vanished Elephant, a literary reference to Murakami's short story of the same name. I'm trying not to spoil but basically, the CD fully utilised the fact we can't see the characters (but can hear them) to craft a mysterious original story with a wonderful plot twist. It works just as a stand alone story, but actual players who are familiar with the characters and motifs immediately get that sense of unease at the very beginning, which is finally paid off with the reveal at the end.
Thanks to that, I can't help but be excited for the anime. If they do fuck it up, I won't be surprised but I will be very, very, sad.
If you have read this far, thank you so much for your time. If you are unfamiliar with Shoumetsu Toshi, could I ask you to please give this anime a chance? And if after its run, it does turn out shit, by all means, complain to your heart’s content (because I will be doing the same).
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Promises
Pairing: Dean x Reader, Platonic Sam x Reader
Requested by @spn-ficfanatic: So I've had this idea for a while but if you don't feel inspired no dramas :-) The reader, Sam and Dean are hunting a Wendigo. Reader is stabbed with its claw but not fatally. They kill it & find its nest/den, along with 3 victims. Two need carrying back to the road so reader is forced to walk the long distance back. When she can walk no further she sends them ahead (much disagreement from the guys), with the promise they'll come back for her. Only they don't realise there were 2 Wendigos...
Summary: You and the Winchesters are hunting a Wendigo. As your relationship with Dean develops, promises are made. However, the dangers of the job make certain promises hard to keep.
Word Count: 4,635
Warnings: Angst. Mentions of sex. Blood. Violence. Fluff (if you squint). Angst.
A/N: This was requested by the wonderful @spn-ficfanatic. She ended up writing her own version of the story and it’s freaking awesome! It’s called Left Behind and you can find it here! You should totally check it out!
Masterlist
“You know, if only the Wendigo had a bag of M&Ms while he was still human, then he wouldn’t have had to resort to cannibalism. And, we could have avoided this whole mess,” you poke fun at Dean. He is crunching on his candy a little too loudly and it’s getting on your nerves.
“Exactly! I’m just taking precautions, sweetheart. In case we get stranded out here, I got us covered,” Dean says while throwing a piece of chocolate at you.
“Dean, do you want to put your snacks away and help us track this thing?” Sam asks his brother. Sometimes you wonder how Dean is actually the older one.
Dean puts his bag of sweets away but leans in to whisper in your ear. “He’s just mad I won’t share with him.”
You nudge his shoulder and giggle. “What is it with Wendigo hunts that make you hungry for M&Ms?”
“Don’t know. It’s probably similar to the fact that when I see you in those hiking shorts, I get hungry for a little-”
You slap your hand over his mouth. “You even think about finishing that sentence and I can assure you, you will starve to death.” You narrow your eyes at him but he can see how weak your resolve actually is.
“What can I say, kid? I got a sweet tooth,” Dean says when you remove your hand. The wink he sends your way almost makes you knees give out from under you.
You look over Dean’s shoulder to risk a glance at Sam. You don’t want Sam to overhear his brother. Sam knows you have an all-consuming infatuation with the eldest Winchester. And, if he found out you have been casually sleeping around with Dean, he’ll scold you for letting your standards of affection slip. He’ll say that you deserve someone who wants more than just sex from you. But, what he will never understand is that you’ll take anything Dean Winchester is willing to give. Plus, he’ll get mad at Dean for using your crush as a form of easy access. Regardless of the fact that Sam knows Dean has no idea that you want more from him, more than a couple hours in some dingy motel sheets.
“Are you two done?” Sam asks as he pulls out his map. “We should be getting close. There are a series of caves and an abandoned mine coming up over that ridge,” Sam points off into the distance without looking up from his map. Dean has taken advantage of his brother’s distraction and started playing with your hair. It feels amazing but you slap him away before Sam looks back up. “The Wendigo should be hiding out in one of those. I say, we hunker down for the night and start in on those caves in the morning. We’re not going to be able to out-hunt this thing in the dark.”
“Alright then!” Dean claps his hands together. “Sammy, you start in on setting up the sleeping bags and I’ll get going on drawing up the Anasazi symbols.”
“What about me?” you ask Dean.
“You just sit pretty, princess. Let the men do their work,” Dean says with a barely stifled laugh. He knows how much you hate it when he talks to you like that. That’s why he does it. Your cheeks get flushed and the cute little pout on your lips makes Dean smile. He likes getting under your skin, getting you riled up.
You push past Dean and try to ignore him as you help draw the sigils into the dirt. You know he’s trying to get a rise out of you but you refuse to give in. “I’ll show you who the real princess is, pretty boy,” you mumble to yourself as you stick your hands into the soil.
“What was that?” Dean asks, knowing full well what you said.
You stick your tongue out at him as your only response.
You continue working in silence, well except for the light chuckling coming from Dean. That soft sound always makes it so you can’t stay mad at him for long. It’s like a tranquilizer that seeps into your bones and lulls you into a willing pile of dough for him to play with.
“Dude!” Sam breaks the silence. “You only packed two sleeping bags?” The annoyance in Sam’s voice is unmistakable.
“What? I was saving space in our backpacks. Those things were heavy enough.” Dean shrugs as he finishes the last of his symbols.
“Dean, it gets cold at night. Like, really freaking cold. What were you planning on doing?” Sam asks his brother.
Dean turns and gives you a wicked smile. “Oh, I have a few ideas,”
“Not going to happen,” you state.
“Looks like you don’t have a choice, sweetheart.”
“You and Sam can share a sleep bag, you are brothers after all!”
“No one can share with that sasquatch. You’re stuck with me, kid.” You want to smack the smug smile he’s giving you off his face. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep you nice and warm,” Dean says as he comes up behind you and wraps his arms around your waist.
You look over to Sam who has put his nose back into the map after the sleeping arrangements were finalized. “I really hate you right now. I hope you know nothing is going to happen with Sam sleeping three feet away and a monster circling our camp.”
“It was worth a shot. But I promise, I can keep my hands to myself,” Dean says as he pulls away from you. “Don’t get used to it, though. When we get back to civilization, I intend to take what I want, what I deserve!” Dean says with overdramatized confidence.
“What you deserve?” you scoff at him. “The only thing you deserve is a swift kick in the ass!”
“Sweetheart, if you want to try spanking… all you have to do is ask,” Dean coos in your ear.
Your cheeks flush and you smack his shoulder. You are incapable of a verbal response, which only makes Dean want to tease you further. But, he takes mercy on you and doesn’t push it any further.
You crawl in beside Dean and he tries to do up the sleeping bag around you two. It’s a tight fit, but oddly comfortable.
You rest your head on his chest as he slips an arm around your shoulders. “See, this isn’t so bad,” Dean says with a contented hum. You nod against him. You won’t give him the satisfaction of verbally agreeing with him.
You wake up a few hours later to Dean trying, and failing, to discreetly slip out of your shared sleeping bag.
“Shh, go back to sleep, kid. I’ve just got to hit the head then check on the sigils. I’ll be back in a little while.”
In your sleepy haze, you mumble out an incoherent reply. The sleep instantly drains out of you when a few minutes later, you hear Dean scream your name. It sounds like he’s in pain and you’re immediately on your feet. You grab your flare gun and search frantically for the direction he went in. You berate yourself for not paying more attention when he left. But, then he calls to you again and you realize it’s coming from the west. You sprint toward the perimeter of your camp. But before you can cross the warded boundary, two strong arms pull you back.
You kick against your captor thinking it is Sam who had woken up and seen your escape. The arms tighten around you and soft lips graze against your ear. You know that all too familiar touch can only belong to one person.
You turn in his hold and wrap your arms around Dean’s neck. You cling to him with all you have. You’re probably hurting him but you can’t seem to loosen your grip. He pulls away and pushes your hair out of your face. He can see unshed tears in your eyes and his stomach drops.
“What the hell were you doing? You almost crossed over into Wendigo territory!” Dean says in a panic.
“I – I heard you scream for me! You sounded so… so…” you clutch onto his shirt to gain grounding. He’s here. He’s okay.
Dean pulls you in for another embrace. “I’m fine. Everyone is fine.” Dean looks back to where Sam is still sleeping. “Seeing as how Sammy didn’t hear anything to wake him up, it was probably the Wendigo trying to lure you out,” Dean says as his grip on you tightens.
“But you were so loud and so-” your voice breaks.
“Hey,” Dean pulls away to look you in the eye. “It wasn’t me,” he reassures you. “Let’s go back and lie down.”
When you two are secured in your sleeping bag, Dean can feel your heart still pounding in your chest. You assure him you are fine but the fanatic efforts of your heart tell him otherwise. When he holds you a little tighter, he notices your heartrate start to relax.
“Please don’t die,” you whimper into his chest.
The fear in your voice tears Dean in two. “I’ll try my best, sweetheart.”
“No, I’m serious,” you say as you lift your head and look him in the eye. “You can’t die. I can’t lose you. Promise me.”
“I can’t pro-”
“Promise me!”
“I promise,” Dean relents as he strokes your hair. He wants to give you anything and everything you want. Even if it comes in the form of a comforting lie.
Neither of you sleep for the rest of the night. You lie together in silence and take comfort in the rise and fall of the other’s chest. By the time Sam starts to stir around dawn, you had already been tracing circles on Dean’s shoulder for hours. He let you think he was sleeping through it, he didn’t want you to stop.
You pack up your make-shift camp and wipe away the symbols written in the dirt. As you trek onward, you notice the eerie silence that envelopes the trees. No birds, no buzzing, there is not even wind to rustle the leaves. You pull out your flare gun and hold it at the ready. You must be getting close.
Dean does a quick whistle to get yours and Sam’s attention. He is crouching by a fallen tree. There is a faint trail of blood leading into the concealed entrance to one of the caves.
No one speaks. The thing probably knows you’re here. But, there is no need to draw more attention to yourselves with unnecessary noise. You and the Winchesters have a predictable plan of attack that you have perfected over the years. Everyone knows the part they must play.
Your job is to stick with Dean and look for the big bad while Sam searches for the survivors. Sam is good with victims, and strong enough to carry them out if they are injured. You and Dean on the other hand, are less inclined to sugar coat the situation for the scared civilians.
You fall in behind Dean, as he never lets you take the lead. You don’t have to spend long looking for the Wendigo before itfinds you. As a hunter, it’s sometimes easy to forget that to the monsters, you are the prey.
You hear the thing before you see it. It starts small. You hear the gravel shift under the creature’s weight. Low growls echo through the cave walls before it escalates into an inhuman screech. The Wendigo then comes out of the shadows and makes its attack.
You were the first to recognize from which direction the monster was coming. On instinct, you push on Dean’s shoulder so he tumbles out of harm’s way. Now, it is only you in the creature’s direct path.
Your flare gun jams as the thing lunges forward and tackles you to the ground. You attempt to kick the creature’s boney chest to keep it away from you, but its lanky arms reach out for you. Its talons puncture your upper thigh and drag downward to rip open five long gashes along your leg. Its claws are still digging into you at the knee when you hear Dean scream your name.
Dean raises his gun but cannot get a clear shot because you are too tangled up with the Wendigo. With your last bout of strength, you use your uninjured leg to kick the thing off of you. You scream in pain as its claws finally leave you and the thing stumbles backwards by the force of your kick.
Within seconds, Dean has shot the Wendigo in the stomach. A fire erupts from the entry wound that eventually swallows the creature whole. The light from the flare illuminates just how ugly these creatures are. You don’t relax until its body is nothing more than a charred heap on the cave floor.
Dean rushes to your side and with panicked breath, assess your injuries.
“Now that’s what I call team work!” you exclaim to try and ease the worry from his eyes. It doesn’t work. Dean only takes off his first layer of flannel and tears it in two. He wraps the shredded shirt around your upper thigh to stop the blood flow. “It’s fine, Dean. I am fine,” you say with an unmistakable firmness. You need him to believe you.
“Why the hell did you push me out of the way? That thing could have done a lot worse to you!” Although he sounds angry, you know that he is actually just scared and feeling guilty. And, when Dean Winchester is feeling guilty or scared, he expresses that as anger. So, you don’t take it personally.
“Relax,” you say as you reach out your hand and gesture for him to help you up. “Just another flesh wound. No biggy. It will leave a gnarly scar but it ain’t my first,” you shrug to amplify the fact that you are fine. “Besides, scars are kind of sexy. Don’t ya think?” you offer Dean a playful wink.
“Not on you, they’re not,” Dean says as he helps you stand up straight. He is focused on trying to help you stand without putting too much pressure on your bad leg. But, if he looked you in the eyes, the only hurt he would see was from his words, not your blooded thigh. Your failed attempt at making a joke backfired into you feeling insecure. You are covered in hunting scars. And now, you find out that Dean doesn’t find them sexy, which means he can’t possibly think you are either.
“Let’s just find Sam and get out of here,” You say with shortness. You pull yourself away from Dean and attempt to hobble down the corridor.
When Dean finally realizes what he said, he rushes over to your side and holds you still. “Shit, Y/N/N I didn’t mean it thatway! What I meant was that I hate your scars because they mean that you were once in pain. And, I especially hate the ones that I could have prevented. I hate the ones that you got trying to protect me. That’s not your job. It’s my job to protect you.” He moves in to cup your cheek and you rest some of your weight onto him as you lean against his chest. He puts a firm hand onto your lower back to help keep you upright.
“Well then, I’m firing you! You have enough crap to worry about and I can take care of myself,” you whisper into his touch.
Dean smiles at you then looks down at your leg. “Yeah, I can see that,” he teases you. You roll our eyes at him. You let his comment slide because you know that he knows exactly what you’re capable of.
He takes on most of your weight as you begin to make your way back to where you left Sam. You walk in a comfortable quiet for a little while before Dean breaks the silence.
“Just so you know, kid… you can’t fire me. As your boyfriend, I got tenure. So, you’re stuck with my protection, whether you like it or not.”
If he wasn’t holding you up, you would have fallen over when he said the elusive ‘B’ word. You thought you were just an easy stress relief for him, you didn’t think he actually wanted you in thatway too. His words were spoken so casually but you can tell by the way he is looking at you that he is trying to gauge your reaction.
You swallow the lump in your throat and it lands heavily on the butterflies in your stomach. “Well, it’s a two-way street, buddy. Girlfriends have tenure too. So, you can’t expect me to stop trying to save your damsel ass either,” you retort with more coolness than you expected.
Dean’s breath of relief turns into a small laugh. “You’re such a dork,” he says as he rolls his eyes. But the wide smile on his face gives him away. You love the fact that you’re the one who can make his eyes crinkle like that.
As Dean and you walk through the damp cave, he thinks of the promise he made to you last night. He looks down at your leg and chastises himself for not making you promise the same thing to him. His grip on you tightens. He doesn’t need you to promise him anything. He won’t let anything happen to you, ever.
When you finally find Sam, he is tending to the three victims who were still alive. It is a small family who came out for an end of summer camping trip but got more than they bargained for.
The mother and father both are weakened from lack of food and water. They also have large gashes on their lower bodies. Their daughter, who couldn’t be more than six years old, appears unharmed physically. But, she is unable to move otherwise. You think of the things the poor girl must have seen and are not surprised she’s frozen in fear. Sometimes, even you have a hard time processing everything, you can’t imagine what it’s like for a kid.
Sam hoists the burly father to his feet. You can see the strain on Sam’s face as he supports most of the man’s weight. Dean takes charge over the mother who may be lighter but requires more assistance. Her broken ankle makes it so she is relying on Dean to be her second leg.
That leaves you with the kid. You approach her with caution. But to your surprise, she wraps her arms around your neck and clings to you for dear life. For being so small, she’s got a wicked grip. Despite her light weight, Dean still insists on carrying your backpack for you. You swallow your grunt of pain as you lift the kid into your arms and carry her out of the cave behind the others. Each step is like walking on hot iron spikes but you refuse to scare the girl in your arms any more than she already is.
You’re able to keep a steady pace for the first mile or so. But these woods never end. You are falling further and further behind. The girl is starting to worry about being separated from her parents. But, you can’t keep up. Your leg gives out from underneath you and you crash to the ground. The girl slips from your arms and runs over to Dean and her mom.
When Dean sees the girl but not you, he looks back to see you sitting on the ground. You are tightening the blood-soaked tourniquet around your leg. He sets the woman in his charge down against a tree and runs back over to you. Sam is following close behind his brother and they both stop to kneel around you.
You roll your eyes and tell them you’re fine. Neither brother believes you as they can see your hands shake and your leg muscles twitch in pain.
“Come on,” Dean says as he tries pulling you into his stubborn arms.
You push him away and stand your ground, or sityour ground. “I’m not going anywhere, not right now anyway. I’m going to slow everyone down. You need to get that family to the hospital, and probably get that kid to therapist – ASAP,” you try to joke. The brothers don’t laugh or budge. You roll your eyes at them again. “I’m fine! Look, you checked me over and you know this wound isn’t going to kill me. It hurts like a mother fucker and every step feels like I’m being torn open again but it’s not going to kill me. I’ll survive waiting here while you two get that family out of this hell hole and find them some help.”
“No way!” Sam answers first.
Dean lets out a humourless laugh. “Not going to happen! We can carry you all out. Sam will take the kid and the dad. I’ll take you and the mom. Done.”
You shake your head. “You two are already weighed down enough. It’ll take twice as long to get out of here, if we do it your way.”
“I’m not leaving you here!” Dean refuses to give in.
“Why? You know me, I like the woods! Since that big ugly freak is taken care of, I may actually be able to enjoy my surroundings without the imminent threat of death. It’ll be a nice change,” you reassure the boys. The brothers look at each other and have a silent debate. You can sense they are going to relent so you push them along. “Get out of here already! The sooner you bozos leave, the sooner you can come back for me.”
Dean lets out a frustrated sigh and runs his hand through his hair. He looks back at the broken family then back at you. “Alright,” he gives in. “But, I’m coming right back for you! We’re going to get them to their car. Sam will drive them to the hospital while I come back for you. I’ll carry you out of here like the damsel you are,” Dean tries teasing you but the worry on his face undercuts his words.
“You’re the damsel,” you retort with petulance.
“Damn right I am, sweetheart,” he says as he kisses your forehead. You look up at Sam who is staring at you two with none of the shock you expected to see. There is only mild disgust on his face. You realize you may not have been as discrete as you thought. The look in his eyes tell you that he has probably known all along.
“You want a kiss goodbye too, Sammy?” you tease.
Sam groans in frustration. “Be careful!” he insists as he hugs you goodbye before running back to the other family.
“You do not move from this spot! I need to know where to find you, so don’t go wandering off,” Dean instructs you.
“Couldn’t if I wanted to!” you defend yourself while pointing to your leg. Dean unsheathes the knife on his hip and hands it to you. “What’s this for? In case the fluffy woodland creatures attack?” you jest.
“Will you just humour me, please!” he says with tired desperation.
“Fine,” you give in and take the knife.
He is about to get up and walk away when he kneels back down. “I told myself I wasn’t going to make you do this, but I need to hear you say it. It’s the only way I’ll be able to walk out of these woods and leave you here. It’s your turn to promise me that you won’t get yourself dead,” he whispers in a shy tone.
“I promise,” you say as he kisses you again.
You watch him leave. He keeps looking back at you until he is too far gone and you fall over the horizon.
You sit there for almost two hours. You switch between twiddling your thumbs, humming to yourself, and poking at your wound. The latter is not wise but you are beyond bored. Mercifully, you soon here Dean calling your name.
“Thank god!” you mumble to yourself before answering his call. Your voice echoes through the trees but you cannot see or hear him approaching.
You prop yourself up and with great effort, climb to your feet. You call out for Dean again but get no reply. A branch snaps from behind you and you clutch Dean’s knife a little tighter. If that were Dean, he would have answered you.
The blurry wisp of a large figure darts through the surrounding trees. It is too fast for you to make out what it is but you know the telltale signs of a supernatural creature when you see one. At the pace that thing was moving, you know you have no chance in hell to outrun it. You hear a familiar growl through the trees and you squeeze your eyes shut.
It didn’t even occur to you, any of you, that there may be second Wendigo on the prowl. You’ve heard of multiple Wendigoes in one area but have never experienced it yourself. Until now.
You look down at your measly knife and realize how unprepared you are. You look for your flare gun but groan when you realize it is in the backpack you gave Dean to carry. You fall to your knees and pain radiates throughout your entire body at the movement. You scramble to draw Anasazi symbols in the soil around you but you are interrupted.
Dean calls to you again and your head shoots up. “Dean! There’s another-” you try to warn him but you cannot get the words out as you are tackled onto your back. You soon realize your mistake. Dean was never there. And, he won’t be here in time.
You figure the thing will drag you off to the decrepit hole in which it dwells. Since you rescued its other victims, it will need to make a new stockpile for its hibernation. That will give Dean time to find you. Except, this Wendigo seems less interested in keeping you alive. If you didn’t know better, you would say it is angry. It is almost as if it knows you had a hand in the other’s death and is enacting revenge.
You hold the thing off of you at arm’s length for as long as you can. But, its elongated limbs make ‘arm’s length’ an arbitrary notion. Its claws slash into your chest and cut downward to tear into your stomach. The angry growl that escapes its throat tells you that this is not about food, this is about the kill. You take your knife and plunge it into the thing’s throat. Its blood pours over you, but it doesn’t slow the creature down.
The pain in your body weakens your muscles. You scream out as the thing leans down and with its jagged teeth bites into your shoulder. It rips the flesh from your bones and you stop screaming. Your open wounds mean you are bleeding out. You head is dizzy but you remain conscious for now. The thing gets off of you and grabs you by the ankle before dragging you through the forest.
You can almost taste the trail of blood you are leaving behind. A part of you hopes Dean will follow it and find you. But, the other part of you hopes he won’t. You don’t want him to see you in that state. From the amount of blood you left behind, he will know you died. He doesn’t need the visual. He doesn’t need the reminder that you broke your promise.
Forever Tags:
@phonegalhelp @mogaruke @arses21434 @spn-ficfanatic @winchestersister55 @itstuesdaytoo
#supernatural#spn#spn fanfic#dean winchester#sam winchester#reader insert#dean x reader#sam x reader#wendigo#angst#fanfic#request
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Druck episode 9-10 reaction
If they don’t renew this show I’m going to boycott Germany.
a huge thank you to everyone who translated Druck and made the clips accessible to the international viewers! I know it was a lot of work and the geoblock was a pain. I really appreciate the continued effort.
Episode 9
Clip 1 - Hanna comes for Matteo
Jonas is really closed-off in their conversation; he’s not that warm to Hanna, which is kind of interesting since I’d say the other Jonases were a little less frosty in this scene. Especially because German Jonas and Hanna have such strong chemistry. But I get why he’d still be upset, I think less time has passed since he and Hanna had the talk about him not understanding her? He hasn’t had much time to work through it so he still seems really wounded.
Clip 2 - Hanna and Jule
Hanna appropriately has a “stronger together” shirt for a scene in which girls commiserate over how boys are such dicks.
Jule and Hanna’s conversation didn’t really have the meat to it from their previous interaction to set up how friendly Jule is here, I would’ve preferred a little more hesitation and maybe an apology from Jule. A little initial awkwardness just to acknowledge that they didn’t leave off on a cozy note.
I do love the initiative Hanna is taking and that she’s the one to extend the invitation/olive branch to Jule. It’s a nice mark of maturity. We’ve seen some scenes of her gradually gaining confidence and being proactive so we can chart how her character is slowly but surely moving forward.
Clip 3 - Fight on the stairs
I dig this artsy paint-splattered stairwell. I felt like it also made the scene a little more tense and awkward (in a tonally appropriate way) - instead of them running into each other in a warmly lit stairwell or hallways with lots of light shining through the windows, they’re in a closed space (very awkward) with cool coloring and no sunlight. There really is no way to avoid this conversation once they run into each other, and there’s still ice between them, unlike with Eva and Jonas where you could tell they did enjoy seeing each other despite the awkwardness.
Nice details are added to Matteo’s family story, that the dad wanted him to come along but Matteo chose to stay behind and take care of his mom. Oh baby :(
Jonas got rougher with Samuel than I expected, like he seems dead inside talking to Hanna but he came alive to slam Samuel up against that bar.
To be fair, Samuel was kinda asking for trouble with that comment, which was unprompted and meant to provoke. You guys are also in a tight enclosed space, you can’t really avoid each other.
And Jonas doesn’t tear away from her grip, he firmly removes her hands. He is not happy with her at all.
Lmao, these random students staring at Hanna. She was just a bystander to that male aggression, yo.
Clip 4 - Drink your way out of obligations
Is it just me or did Sam’s hair get even bluer? Or is she just that radiant?
Nice that Mia acknowledged that Kiki behaved poorly even while expressing that they should include her. Because yeah, I feel bad for all the Vildes/Kikis knowing what they’re going through, but they also were nasty to their friends.
L O L Sam’s brilliant plan to get out of supervising the party - get drunk, get fired, go to the party. That’s kind of amazing. And they’re all like sure, we’ll roll with it.
Good that Amira mentions that Leonie and Sara called Kiki a slut previously and there’s a bit of a challenge between her and Kiki. Not a great look that Kiki wanted to disregard that incident at least in front of Amira, her defender.
You know, Kiki is one of the bigger jerks of the Vildes, but … I still kinda like her, I’m sorry! It’s not that she’s a great person, it’s that the way she’s acted and written feels very realistic. She feels like a clear social climber/popularity seeker but is messy enough to alienate people. Compared to the way that say, Kelsey is portrayed in Skam Austin, she’s also a jerk, but the depiction often veers into something cartoonish and broad - like a definite TV character. Kiki feels like a ton of people I’ve known in real life.
Sam is drawing an alien in her notebook to illustrate how her pal Kiki has gone to space. She also appears to have doodled a flower and a unicorn.
Clip 5 - Karaoke emotions
Okay, now THIS karaoke scene is exactly what I wanted from karaoke in S4 of OG Skam. Lovable scamps wailing their hearts out to beloved pop tunes.
Sam doing Wannabe by the Spice Girls!!! I'm not imagining that she dressed and styled her hair like Scary Spice, right?
YES AMIRA “DA QUEEN” IS NEXT! Dedicating it to her favorite Germans! Everyone cheering Amira :D :D :D Amira doing Rolling in the Deep!!!! We are blessed.
Are they all wearing pussy hats? Also love Hanna and Mia’s blatantly feminist shirts. Truly a ladies’ night.
It’s hilarious that Carlo and the other dude (do we know him?) are wearing matching pussy hats. Honestly from what I remember of him way back in the Dark Ages of March/April, he didn’t seem like a terrible dude. A bit obnoxious, but not rude or bad on Elias levels.
The Hanna and Matteo confrontation? My soul will never be ready.
Oh man, Matteo openly acknowledges his mom is going insane. There’s no feigned attempt to keep an optimistic attitude about his parental situation like with Isak. And he’s not putting in any effort to seem cheered up, except for having a drink.
Hanna doesn’t even toy with her food before eating it, she just lays it out for Matteo and confronts him directly about telling Jule.
And he looks so sad and depressed when she asks the reason. Worth noting that he doesn’t directly confirm her hypothesis that he has a crush on her, he just looks downcast and awkward.
He looks honestly near tears when he asks her how she couldn’t get it. Because as we know, he’s not really talking about him liking Hanna, he wants to know how she couldn’t understand his BLATANTLY OBVIOUS crush on Jonas.
A drunk Kiki appears! Does she have a tattoo on her arm??
And she gives Matteo a hug … have they met before? Lmao.
Kiki staggering in just in time to steal Amira’s spotlight, scream a thematically appropriate song about how she and Alexander could have had it all, and then collapse is the most Kiki-ish thing I can think of. Yeah, that’s exactly how it would go.
Also I thought “we could have had it alllll” could apply to Amira and Kiki’s relationship , heh. Especially because it ends up getting downgraded a lot from Sana and Vilde’s relationship? It was so important that Sana was the one carrying Vilde and sticking her fingers down her throat and letting her puke down her front, and that their relationship in particular was affirmed.
They just dragged Kiki to the nearest toilet and had her puke on some dude’s shoes (that’s Matteo’s friend, right?) which I will admit, more practical than carrying her like a romance novel heroine as a divine hymn plays.
Wow, so it’s just Mia tending to Kiki and we don’t get the girls all lying in bed together. On the one hand that’s a little disappointing; it’s one of the most iconic scenes of S1 and probably the whole show, and it’s a moment that really solidified the girl squad as a ride or die group of friends. But I also like them to try new things and not just redo big successful moments from the original show. I did like seeing Mia go through all these little steps of tending to Kiki, getting her dressed, sending a text to her mom.
Pretty big difference that it’s Mia and not Amira taking care of her, though; as mentioned above, the Amira-Kiki relationship is downplayed. Not super keen on that because Kiki was quite nasty to Amira and visibly hurt her feelings on several occasions, such as the bus stop incident and the disastrous group meeting. Sana was better at adopting a harder attitude and not letting the hurt show. But then again, Kiki is the one who really needs to grovel, not Amira.
Also ...HUGE break in POV since Hanna isn’t there but lol I’ve accepted it’s a losing battle even if I’m still not super fond of it. You win, less-than-tight third person POV. I surrender.
Mia has a text from Alexander, because what is truly desirable in a man you have rejected is him texting you about changing your mind close to midnight while you take care of your friend who he fucked and then ghosted passed out beside you in bed.
JONAS PLAYING THE GUITAR AND SINGING FOR MATTEO WOW WOW
while wearing a pussy hat lmao, BEST REMAKE JONAS
I’m sure Matteo loved Jonas playing and singing a song dedicated to him, only for Jonas to slow down and get more serious once Hanna entered. Not to mention shifting that eye contact from him to Hanna.
Lovely scene of Hanna and Jonas, I’m a broken record but they have SUCH good chemistry. They just seem so into each other, and overall I would say they felt so much that they liked each other.
NOOOOOO don’t break up! Please!
Episode 10
Clip 1 - Honas and Janna
Honas and Janna fucking ADORABLE.Them snuggling… you’re hurting me, Druck.
He took her nose! Goddamn!!!
I love all this backstory and delving into the beginning of their relationship. This honest conversation that takes its time and really lets them talk ... what Skam does at its best, man.
Jonas looks so heartbroken in this flash forward where he’s holding onto Hanna.
And that painfully raw moment where he asks if she regrets choosing him and the answer is an unspoken yes, owwww
All this emotional soul-baring, such as Hanna talking about how once she got with Jonas, she was only happy when she was with him, and dependent on him for happiness. And that she became paranoid Jonas would cheat on her and thought she deserved to get hurt. And that she changed her personality so he would like her and wouldn’t have a reason to leave her. Really happy how plainly Hanna stated the truths, even the raw and uncomfortable ones.
I know they just laid out all the reasons Hanna should be on her own and they should break up, but I don't want them tooooooooo
The way they hold each other and cry and draw it out for so long because they don’t want it to end!
“I still got your nose.” “You can keep it.” FUCK YOU, DRUCK!!!!!
You realize that we need this show to run for many more seasons and eventually Jonas will casually mention to Hanna that he’s still got her nose and she says, “I hope you’re taking care of it.”
And then one day he gives her a fake nose like on one of those Groucho Marx masks and she puts it on and IDK, this is all a buildup to them kissing again.
Hanna as an independent woman, wearing her Femme Future shirt. Nice.
They’re honestly up there with original Eva and Jonas for me. Round of applause for the director and actors for making this couple as likable and believable as they are.
Clip 2 - Mia and Kiki in the mooooorning
Oh jeez, this is a TOTAL break from the POV, I wonder what the logic behind it was?
I guess they're setting up S2. Or who knows, maybe there were scheduling conflicts with the actors and they couldn’t have everyone together.
Seriously, what’s Kiki’s tattoo? I’m sure it’s just because the actress happens to have one.
Kiki saying she wants to die, oh no. She looks miserable.
Although how dare you show Mia’s flat but not her roommates.
Clip 3 - Doctor visit
So only Mia went with Kiki? They’ve really downplayed her relationship with Amira, and the other girls as well. I mean in a way, it’s nice it’s just the two of them, and I presume Mia will keep this incident a secret. I hope this will affect their S2 dynamic a little.
I got so hyped for this scene, though. I adore this doctor.
Did she tell her she was pregnant at first just to mess with her??? Omg.
I doubt that’s the most professional approach but who cares, my love
Mia saying that the pregnancy was “Unplanned of course, she’s 17” and the doc mentioning the 5-year-olds in Peru or Chile who gave birth … I mean, 5-year-olds who get pregnant are the victims of rape, so hardly planned.
“An apple a day keeps the doctor away” but I want to see more of you! Can the whole cast just get like incredibly sick and have a reason to stop by?
Not only did she have an apple, she gave Mia a banana too, lmao! She just keeps fruit in her office for wayward teenagers not getting the proper nutrition.
We need this show to get to S3 so I can see this doc talking to Matteo.
Clip 4 - Mia giving Kiki the talk
I guess Hanna told Mia about hearing Kiki puke at school.
This is pretty direct referencing to Kiki’s ED when I think it’s been more or less implied before, in other versions. I mean it’s pretty obvious, it’s just not spelled out quite this much.
There’s also a more direct reference to Mia also having an eating disorder … “I know exactly how you feel.” That’s very pointed. Noora having an eating disorder was understated and mostly subtext in a lot of ways.
Again, a shame that Kiki and Amira’s relationship was downplayed, but hopefully the focus on Mia and Kiki in these scenes will add more to S2.
Clip 5 - Hero party
This was just a heartwarming clip so don’t expect commentary other than 😍😍😍.
Hanna and Mia and Amira just hanging out!!!!
Amira eating during Ramadan, though... the remakes are really bad at remembering this. (I’m not Muslim so if I’ve made a mistake in understanding when she can/can’t eat, let me know. And I do know that she can eat during her period, it’s more like in the absence of other acknowledgment of Ramadan, I tend to think it was an oversight.)
Amira giving Hanna a hug and telling her she’s strong … GOSH. Although she calls Hanna out on the similarities between what she did with Leonie and what Matteo did to Hanna, which I mean ... fair.
Amira encouraging Hanna to talk to Matteo .... I know this is for Hanna’s benefit, not Matteo’s, but man, I can’t wait for Amira and Matteo friendship. They’re both vulnerable kids with lots of buried feelings.
Oh my God, them putting on their security uniforms and being ADORABLE, ahhhhh! We get another slow motion power walk on the way to the party, Druck gets the essence of Skam.
Of course the power walk was just to lead up to them standing/sitting outside awkwardly.
Are they for real going to get drunk to avoid their responsibilities? Maybe not the best life choice, but in this situation, sure, why not.
Amira getting “high on Allah” was precious. GIVE ME S4 ALREADY.
Mia is drinking, which is quite a character divergence from Noora.
Was that a peace offering of beer from Leonie? Love it.
OH GOD JONAS AND MATTEO AND THAT OTHER DUDE ROLLING UP IN A CART
Sam is so magnificent. Her hair is a beautiful blue tower!!
And she and her brother are too cute! She brought him and his Bass Bus to liven up the night!
SHE TOLD HIM TO DRIVE INSIDE. THE BEEEEST
Matteo and Hanna <3333 She said she realized she’d done as wrong to her friends, and she asks if they can stay friends. It seems like a really genuine moment, guys. I wouldn’t blame her for keeping him on her shit list for a time but it feels like they might not drift quite as much as Eva and Isak did, since there’s maybe a bit more comfort between them here.
Mia says she’s worried that Kiki is drinking too much again and that’s why she’s not there, suggesting that she hasn’t told Alexander to apologize to her and that’s not the reason she wants to call her.
OH GOD THIS AMAZING ADAPTATION OF THE “FUCK, YOU’RE BEAUTIFUL” MOMENT
Mia tells Alex he’s creepy for that whole “no means I want you more” thing. She tells him it was blackmail to pressure her for just one date and then he’ll leave her alone. He tries the “fuck, you’re beautful line on her” and she turns around to make out with Hanna. Then she calls him a massive asshole and tells him she’s not her type, wink wink. She and Hanna walk away laughing.
This is the best remake, guys.
ALSO LET’S TALK ABOUT THAT HANNA AND MIA SMOOCH, A REMAKE FINALLY GAVE ME NOOREVA
On a more serious note, there’s absolutely reason to be concerned this is just queerbaiting. I doubt Hanna and Mia are going to be a couple, Mia and Alex are almost certainly going to have a romance arc, and the whole “two girls kissing in a bar so a boy can witness” is definitely enough to give off “barsexuality” vibes and make it seem like just a gimmick.
However, the production team has confirmed that Mia is bi, so hopefully that will be acknowledged in the show itself (other than “I don’t like labels” which is not actually an admission of bisexuality, and tbh which suggests that she won’t call herself bi on the show). But even if she doesn’t want to label herself, there are ways to address her interest in women and incorporate it into the story. And I hope to God they don’t make Alexander all “girls kissing is hot” or trying to pursue Mia even though she’s indicated she’s a lesbian (even if she’s really bi, her comment to him suggests she’s a lesbian), because that character does NOT need another reason to make me dislike him.
For real, Alexander better leave her alone after this, because Mia has told him she is not only not him, but not into dudes, and whether that’s true or not, he needs to accept it as truth. If they get together Mia has to make the first step in pursuing him.
Damn, this this makes me want to go back and rewatch S1 through shipper-tinted goggles. So was Mia really trying to hit on Hanna at the bar? I don’t know if that’s what they meant but I’m declaring it canon in my mind.
Plot twist: Toilet Sam pats Alexander on the shoulder here as foreshadowing for their upcoming love affair, Mia will be free to get together with a nice girl in S2.
Another plot twist: That awkward yet smoldering Jonas/Toilet Sam eye contact.
You know, if Alexander apologized to Kiki without any incentive - if Mia’s like “I’m gay” and then Alexander apologizes to Kiki anyway - then that makes me approve of him more, since he doesn’t think Mia is an option now. Unless he’s thinking, “Well, time to convert the lesbian!” But otherwise - a MAJOR step in improving Winterberg.
Kiki got a little sarcastic with Alexander, too. ”Wow, you know my name?: GOOD FOR HER.
Group hug! I still feel that the girl squad is a little disjointed, mainly on the Kiki angle, but that’s to be expected.
Mia giving Kiki a slice of pizza … very nice to work that in, nice. And Alexander apologized so that may have something to do with it, that her image-related insecurities stemming from his comment have been soothed.
Also, props to Mia for waiting until the other girls left to bring up Matteo’s gay porn to Hanna.
L M A O it only took Hanna 10 episodes to realize Matteo’s deeply gay looks and feelings for Jonas. That’s impressive because of all the m/m Isak/Jonas pairs, Matteo was by farrrrr the most transparent about his 😍😍😍😍😍
Speaking of, excellent smitten look Matteo gives Jonas there. Some of the remakes have been toning down the 😍😍😍😍😍 but no, Matteo is bringing it.
Awww, the cast dancing during the credits <3 <3 <3 Was this from their audition tapes or something?
General Comments:
This is my favorite remake. My ass will be so bitter if Druck out of all of them doesn’t get renewed. It’s the one that most captures the spirit of the original, has an age-appropriate and charming cast for the most part, great chemistry between the characters, and did a decent job of adapting the storyline while giving the story its own personality.
Moreover, Druck really captures the vulnerability of the characters, which is essential to Skam’s storytelling. A Matteo or Amira season really excites me because those actors have already displayed capacity for fragility in this season, and I think they could do decent jobs in their own seasons.
Plus, Jonas would be SO amazing in a Matteo season! If I already loved him in S1, when he’s at his worst, imagine how awesome he’ll be supporting Matteo during his coming out process!
Give me that Amira and Matteo friendship. Or Amira falling in love, jeeeeeeez. Matteo falling for a boy who can match him in longing stares.
I’ve had some reservations about Mia’s acting but she has honestly grown a lot on me as a character, I like how she’s written, and so frankly? Even S2 kinda has me excited. My personal feelings about the central relationship aside, Druck deserves a chance to have its S2 as much as any of the others.
IDK, it’s kinda frustrating that the geoblock and random production issues seem to have cut off a lot of the potential fanbase, so I hope the show gets another chance, and that they fix whatever lingering issues.
They definitely could do better with social media output and overall keeping the interest in the show flowing between clips.
Anyway, for the most part, I actually enjoyed Druck S1 quite a bit, and I truly hope I get to see more of these characters.
I don’t speak German, so if I missed some context, feel free to correct me.
If you got this far, thank you for reading!
#druck reactions#this is a week late bc i got busy with life stuff#but i enjoyed these last clips so much that i did want to write something
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Jumping Down the Vinyl Record Collecting Rabbit Hole
There are two ways of looking at keeping vinyl records — as an art form or as an investment. If you're collecting for yourself, the first option is more fun but also potentially costly if you don't know what you want. The other path can lead down a rabbit hole that's difficult to escape from once you've got into it. It might not be worth the money either.

I'm going to assume here that you've chosen the latter route, which means you have no real interest beyond having something tangible collectible-like with books or baseball cards. If this sounds like you, let me introduce you to my friend Dave LeClair who has kept his entire vinyl collection since 1977. His advice? "Don’t worry about cost."
"Just buy whatever you think will make you happy," he said over email. "And put them all together in one big crate. That way they’ll take up less room."
Leclair, who lives in Portland, Oregon, told us that he bought his first album when he was 14 years old after seeing its cover on television. He didn't even really understand much about how albums worked before that point, so it wasn't until later that he realized he could actually play them back himself. Now, nearly 40 years later, he still owns hundreds of classic albums that he never listens to anymore. But he doesn't regret any purchase decisions whatsoever.
Not everyone agrees with that logic though. Vinyl purists often insist that quality makes better use of scarce resources than MP3s do while digital hoarders say nothing beats owning physical media. So I asked several people who keep their collections alive whether they thought it made sense to buy new releases digitally because those were cheaper. All agreed that the answer was yes. And most noted that listening to Spotify or Pandora might help curb impulse buys.
So if you find a great new release today, go ahead and download it onto your phone or computer. You'll probably listen to it twice before adding it to your growing library of tunes online. Once you've decided to add it to your ever-expanding collection, however, there are only three things left to consider: How long should you wait before purchasing another copy, where do you store it, and why would anyone care about what you've collected? Let's address each concern one at a time.
Find the right space
Vinyl needs proper storage conditions to maintain sound quality, just like CDs need certain temperatures and humidity levels to avoid warping. Most importantly, however, is ensuring you can access your records without getting hit by cars or tripping over them.
"You definitely need somewhere safe where [you] won’t bump into them or drop them accidentally," said Le Clair. “That’s pretty easy these days thanks to technology. Just set aside a shelf near a window or something similar. They usually aren’t too heavy and aren’t very expensive.”
He added that storing records vertically instead of horizontally helps protect against static electricity that causes damage. In fact, many experts recommend hanging your records upside down as opposed to placing them flat on top of shelves. This technique prevents dust buildup around grooves and keeps air flow moving through the stack.
Start small
Once you've found a good place to stash your newfound treasure trove, it’s time to decide exactly which ones deserve permanent residence within your collection. A few questions to ask yourself include whether you enjoy the artwork, does the songwriting or performance capture your attention, and did enough others share your sentiments to warrant inclusion?
It may seem silly to pick out favorites among recordings you've enjoyed equally, but doing so can teach you a lot about what works well and what doesn't. For example, perhaps you liked Nirvana's debut LP Nevermind but had zero desire to check out sophomore effort Incesticide. Or maybe you loved both but felt differently about the songs off Bad Radio Love Song. Those kinds of differences happen every day between albums released decades apart. By sifting through your collection regularly, you can learn which artists appeal to you most strongly, thus allowing you to focus your efforts on discovering new titles rather than trying to fill gaps in your collection.
In addition to making informed purchases, following your favorite artists' discography can give you a heads up on future releases. Even if an artist isn't planning a comeback anytime soon, there's always a chance you'll hear about a reissue or compilation album coming sometime down the road.
Collect everything (and anything)
As we mentioned earlier, Le Clairs approach centers around simplicity. While you certainly shouldn't shy away from exploring new genres or delving deeper into a particular band's catalog, his method suggests there's little reason to do so unless you're interested in expanding your collection in general.
The idea behind this philosophy comes from his belief that "collecting records is kind of pointless otherwise." Sure, you'd eventually build up a nice selection of jazz albums but wouldn't you prefer to simply buy 10 different copies of Blood On The Tracks? Why spend $20-$30 on one title when you can afford $10-$15 for multiple entries in the same genre?
If collecting new vinyl records, you can often find vinyl deals on a variety of music sites.
"There’s no need to own every album by every artist just because you can," said Le Clair. "Owning a record doesn’t mean you have to play it."
This strategy obviously applies mostly to newer artists, but plenty of established acts release cheap compilations nowadays. One such example is Frank Ocean's Blonde era project Endless, which came packaged with four discs featuring previously unreleased material recorded during sessions for Channel Orange. Another is Kendrick Lamar's 2015 release To Pimp a Butterfly, which included a bonus mixtape called untitled unmastered., despite only containing tracks from K-Dot's 2016 followup Good Kid, M.A.N.D. & El Children.
When selecting items to add to your collection, remember that you can never truly finish building it. There's always another cool album, EP, single, or live recording waiting for you to discover, plus there's no telling what else someone else will stumble upon next. Keep the search open indefinitely and you can rest assured not missing out on anything worthwhile.
Putting on some music
While you're sorting through your newly acquired stacks, try plugging in a few albums and playing them back. Some recommendations include The Velvet Underground & Nico, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, Nuggets: Original Artyfacts From the First Psychedelic Era, 1973-1976, White Light/White Heat, Neil Young and Crazy Horse Greatest Hits, Led Zeppelin II, Yo La Tengo's Fade Away, Tom Waits Complete Discography, John Coltrane Classics, Blue Note Records 1001 Series, Roxy Music Best Of, The Beatles Anthology 2, U2 Songs 1982–2010, Jimi Hendrix Experience / Axis: Bold As Love, Eric Clapton Great Concert Performances, Bob Dylan Live At Carnegie Hall 1963, Pink Floyd Dark Side of the Moon Deluxe Edition, Steely Dan Gaucho, Sixties Power Pop Gems, David Bowie Blackstar, Van Morrison Visions, and Elvis Presley Sun Studio Album Releases.
Some of those suggestions come from our list of 50 essential albums to stream before 2022 ends, while others represent popular choices based on listener feedback. Regardless of your musical tastes, chances are you'll end up enjoying at least one track off each album listed above. Then again, you might dig deeper into the music featured on the playlist embedded below. Either way, you'll likely find something enjoyable amongst the thousands of options available. Afterward, you can continue browsing Amazon for additional options.
Keep it forever
Whether you choose to digitize your treasures or stick solely to hardcopy, you now know everything there is to know about starting your own vinyl collection...for free! However, the biggest takeaway from Le Clair's experiences remains unchanged: Don't waste money on stuff you don't enjoy. Instead, save it for special occasions and revisit tracks you haven't listened to lately whenever possible.
After all, there's nothing wrong with having a large collection of music. Rather, it depends on how you grow it. Whether you choose to dedicate hours per week to digging through crates or invest in a few hundred dollars toward a nice case, there's no question vinyl is far superior to streaming services and downloads. Plus, unlike digital formats, you can carry your entire library wherever you go and pop it into any player regardless of brand loyalty.
Of course, the downside to vinyl is you'll need to clean your turntable periodically. Fortunately, cleaning wax manually takes only five minutes and costs pennies compared to replacing cartridges, styluses, needles, and platters that wear out over time. Not to mention the environmental benefits of using reusable products versus disposable plastic alternatives.
Conclusion
Whatever choice you ultimately make, remember the golden rule of acquiring anything valuable: Be prepared to part with cash. No matter what format you opt for, you're almost guaranteed to pay at least a few bucks per item. And if you're serious about preserving your collection, it pays to shop smart. When you're ready to expand further, consider joining a local record club or attending events hosted by companies like Third Man Records and Record Store Day. These opportunities typically come with perks and discounts that provide ample motivation to stop hoarding and start stocking up.
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