#and it's kind of terrifying how little control i have over where my mind goes

[immortalsins]

flipflopping between 'this bio exam will go ok since i did zero studying for the first one and still passed' and 'i'm going to fail abysmally i need to give up on sleep, cancel my travel plans, and lock in until i know whole textbooks off by heart' so i'm stuck here with paralysing guilt and fear obviously

[macsimagines]

Yandere!Mikey w/ a S/O that had his child

ASKBOX IS OPEN

(So for this set of headcanons its for a Mikey thats been consumed by his dark impulses and has probably lost everyone... ALSO PLEASE tell me what you think? I work better when I'm given notes so any complaints or compliments ill take!)

(D/N) - Daughters Name (Y/N) - Your Name

You were supposed to be a one night stand. He wasn't even going to give you the time of day. You were some secretary or pencil pusher and he was making deals (harassing) your boss.

But you catch his eye, and your boss has you entertain him to make things go smoother.

Thankfully, you two hit it off. Mikey can be charming despite his horrible reputation and you've got such beautiful kind eyes...

One thing leads to another and one unforgettable night you two have sex.

Mikey doesn't call you or contact you after that, and you can take the hint that it didn't mean anything more than just a way to relieve stress.

That would be all fine and dandy if it weren't for the fact that you were puking your guts out and happened to be pregnant.

You can't depend on Mikey, you don't think he'll accept your child and you really don't want them involved in the underworld that Mikey controls.

So you move out of Tokyo to distant family in a different town. You get a job, have your wonderful child and live peacefully in a small town.

Four years down the road, you end up back in Tokyo with your daughter. You owed a friend a favor and you're not too worried.

Your Daughter might be Mikey's clone but Tokyo is a big city and he's a busy man. He must have had countless women before he's not going to recognize your face out of a million others. Plus its been years. You should be safe right?

Wrong. You wake up one morning and (D/N) is gone. You're frantic searching for her, so confused where she could have gone from your friends apartment when it hits you: The Park!

Sprinting over there you're met with a sight you never thought you'd see. Mikey holding your fidgeting daughter in his arms.

If not for the terrifying look in his eyes the scene is almost comical.

The two of them together look like a before and after picture because of how similar they are.

"Y/N, you wanna explain this?" he asks you, and you're more shocked he remembered your name than anything else.

You try to pull it together, you don't want to cause a scene in front of your daughter.

"Th-that's my daughter. She ran off this morning and I've been looking for her."

He tilts his head to the side while he looks you up and down, placing your little girl on his hip.

"Don't you mean our daughter?" there's something dark in his voice and down right malevolent in his eyes.

Panic rises in your chest and you look down at the ground. "I just...I wanted her to be safe. I-I didn't think you'd care."

Your sweet Daughter whimpers for you, not understanding who this strange man is or why he's making her mommy so upset.

"You thought I wouldn't acknowledge my own child? Am I that kind of man to you?"

Silence stretches between you before you finally get the courage to say; "How did you even find us?"

Mikey just stares and holds your girl close before answering; "I heard you were in town. I came looking for you, and found her. Guess this is fate."

What you didn't know was that Mikey did want you, he wanted you so bad it almost drove him crazy. He tried to keep his distance and ignore you, and just when he can't take it anymore he finds out you moved away?

That's fine. It wasn't meant to be. But he had eyes and ears out for you if you ever came back to him. If you willingly walked back into the lions den that must mean you want him to have you.

He hears your back, with a daughter, and that's not a problem. If you have a husband he'll make sure you don't anymore and he doesn't mind a brat, you'll give him some of his own and that will make up for it.

So he goes looking for you, and he's almost to the apartments he knows you're staying at when a little girl catches his eyes. For a second he thought he hallucinated a mirror, but no staring up at him is his own face.

In his heart he knows who this girl is. And he's mystified when she starts talking to him.

"How come the sun's so bright?" she asks him for whatever insane reason.

And the empty abyss in his chest is suddenly full of love and affection. She's perfect. He had a perfect daughter now. Mikey embraces and tells her as much. That she's wonderful and beautiful and so loved.

Then you come sprinting towards them and Mikey suddenly remembers you kept her from him.

Back to the present, he thinks if this had been anyone else he would have killed them. But its you. And thankfully you raised the perfect child and gave him a healthy daughter, so he can't be too mad. He'll take it out on some underlings that left out very important details...

"I'll take responsibility," he tell you grabbing you by the wrist and pulling you so you're face to face, "And you will too, Y/N. We're gonna raise a very happy family. And you're going to give me a very big one. Lots of kids." one for every person he's ever lost.

[vodika-vibes]

Hi! I was rereading some of your follower event things and thought one of Wrecker ones (I Can Fix That) was super cute! At least the vibes of it with it being mostly really sweet and caring.

I was hoping you could write something with vibes kind of like that one. Not exactly like the Wrecker one obviously because what I'm asking for is different.

Anyways, I am requesting the gem emerald with Gregor during sunset/dusk please! Preferably with Gender Neutral reader where the reader and Gregor are going on their first date. Both of them are nervous, but are really sweet with each other. Maybe it's the first date either of them have had in a long time or something, so they both agree to take it slow.

Great work with your writing! Can't wait to read/see this when it gets written!

First Time In Forever

Summary: You’ve not been on a date in ages, so you’re hopeful that this date with Gregor goes well.

Pairing: Captain Gregor x GN!Reader

Word Count: 627

Prompt: Emerald - Patient Love

Warnings: None

Tagging: @trixie2023 @n0vqni @imabeautifulbutterfly

A/N: Hi there! Thank you for your request! I hope this is close to what you wanted. I didn't actually write the date, because that would have definitely put me over my self imposed word limit, but I hope you like it anyway.

You haven’t been on a date in what feels like ages.

It’s not your fault, not really. You’ve been so busy, what with the war and everything, that it kind of fell to the wayside, but things are different now.

The war is over.

And you’re able to get back to your normal life.

Of course, normal is subjective, and people just haven’t been interested in dating you.

You were starting to worry that you were never going to make a connection with anyone…and that’s when you met Gregor. Kind Gregor. Handsome Gregor.

Gregor who smiles at you like you’re a little confusing but keeps coming around anyway.

Gregor, who asked you to get ice cream with him today. Who sheepishly, and bashfully, admitted that it was a date but he was a little nervous using that word since you don’t date.

You weren’t sure how to tell him that you didn’t date because people weren’t interested in you, so you didn’t. You just accepted his offer. You like him, after all. He’s wonderful.

But now that today is here, you’re kind of…panicking.

You’ve been dumped by every person you’ve ever been on a date with. Clearly this is a ‘you’ problem since you're the only common denominator, and the idea of Gregor breaking up with you because of some personal failing that you aren’t aware of is…terrifying.

But, at the same time, you can’t not go. Because that might upset Gregor and you can’t do that.

So, after fretting over your appearance for a few more minutes, because it’s something you can control, you finally leave your apartment to head to the meeting point you and Gregor agreed on.

The both of you arrive at the same time, and the moment you see Gregor all of the nerves fly away, as though they were never there to begin with. How could you be nervous with him grinning at you like that? Like an excited schoolboy.

“You’re here!” He even sounds excited, and your heart does a little flip, though not from nerves this time.

“So are you.” You tease with a small grin.

“Well, yeah…” He pushes his hand through his hair, “I…ah, was kind of worried that you weren’t going to come.” Gregor admits, “My brothers had to reassure me that you would.”

“Well, honestly, I was a bit worried that you would change your mind when you saw me.” You admit as you lean closer to him, “I haven’t exactly had good luck with dating in the past.”

Gregor stares at you, “Never. I would never. You’re amazing. I’m a lucky man that you agreed to come on a date with me.” His smile is slightly lopsided, “But, uh…it’s been a bit since the last time I dated-”

“Oh, same. I haven’t been on a date since…Force…before the war started.”

Gregor releases a giggle, before he shakes his head, “Well, since it’s been a while, for us both, do you mind if we…go a bit slow?”

A smile blooms across your face, and you reach out to take his hands in yours. “I like you, Gregor. I think you’re funny and smart and kind and good…and I’d like to see where this goes. We can go as slow, or as fast, as you’d like.”

He squeezes your hands, “Well, I’m hoping for a possible forever with you, so there’s no need to rush, right?”

You beam at him, “Well, as it happens, I’m a very patient person.” You squeeze his hands back, “Because your hope sounds perfect to me.”

Gregor flashes a small, shy smile and then threads his fingers with yours, “Well then, shall we get this date started?”

“I can’t wait,” You reply with a small grin as you squeeze his hand.

[chillinglyadventurous]

Taking advantage of the fact that it's Halloween month >:D

Ford with a scientist friend who is very reserved, just work and friendship.

Then Bill Cipher arrives and his main plan was to have a deal with the Scientist!Reader , but the reader is not stupid, so it ends with Bill making the deal with Ford, Bill puts Ford in a complicated situation by making the Reader give in to the deal, but deep down the reader knows he has nothing to fear.

My idea is that the reader, having knowledge of the bizarre things of Gravity Falls, will have a very disturbed head, with the worst things (like the episode that goes into Stan's head but is terrifying) but what could be so terrifying to make Bill back down 🤨

Well give me your opinion on this 😋 have a nice day

So, I’ve had a kind of similar idea before! I just didn’t know how to write it. Still don’t, if I’m being honest.

So, I’m a Chilling Adventures of Sabrina fan. I think mid season 2, I started writing a little fanfiction that happened after the season was over and before season 3 came out. I won’t get into the details because that work has since been deleted along with the AO3 account it was published under.

Anyways, the basic premise was that my OC eventually had more powers than Lucifer, stemming from a deal with God. OC was basically a god herself. Couldn’t die. Died a couple times. Came back from the dead. Super messed up stuff.

Well, I think something similar would translate well into this request. So, basically, you would be this sort of all-powerful being, but you would just want a ‘normal’ life, basically. With the same intentions Bill had lied about having, you knew Ford was a great mind. You had sought him out to teach him the mysteries of the universe. You work well with Stanford. When he eventually brings Fiddleford around, you work well with him too.

You look human. Nothing about you seems odd. Even if you did do something odd, it was Gravity Falls. No one would have noticed.

After Ford made his deal, he didn’t tell you, but you knew. You could just tell it was Bill. There had been a prophecy, the same one Ford had found and used to summon Bill. You see, either the entire zodiac could defeat Bill or you could. Ford was the six fingered hand and you, being all powerful as you were, knew that. Not that it wasn’t obvious to begin with.

The only way he could beat you, destroy the prophecy, was if you made a deal with him. If you did that, he wouldn’t need the portal or the rift to take over dimension 46’/. His deal would give him his physical form, but you were too smart for that.

However, one night after Fiddleford had gone home/was asleep, Bill would come in, dressed in Ford’s skin. He would threaten to kill Ford, your now good friend. You would panic because Bill was more than capable. You wouldn’t let that happen. So, you shake his hand, but, somehow, the deal isn’t complete.

He enters your mind. At first, once he’s in there, it’s a bit darker than he had expected. Nothing seems too off and he thought it would be easy. He shuffles through your mind only to find what he thinks he’s looking for. Behind a door covered in chains, he sees it. You had orchestrated the whole thing. You were the one who had controlled him to make him destroy his own dimension in an attempt to weaken him.

The master of mind games had been manipulated. You were too powerful for him and, unlike Ford, you couldn’t be tricked so easy. You’d kill him. It was only a matter of time.

After all of this is where it could either become some sort of AU or keep with canon. If the story verged into AU territory, that could be it. There could be some grand showdown in the mindscape. Anything is possible, obviously.

On the flip side, it could keep with canon. The journals/Book of Bill which I still haven’t read because it’s been sold out where I am said Bill left for a while. Ford wondered where he was. Bill could have backed down for a little bit, hoping to keep off your radar. Does could still get sucked into the multiverse. Maybe it’s you who shows him the truth about Bill. The possibilities are endless.

All in all, I think this is an amazing idea! Apart from what I’ve gotten into here, there’s a million ways this could go. There’s a possibility of so many twists and turns!

[soulandunconscious]

dead poets in efteling

a/n: first hc post yippieeee!! i know this is soo niche and there are about three people who understand this but its been in my head for weeks and it needs out. if you're unfamiliar, efteling is this really cool theme park in the netherlands with a kind of dark fantasy theme. i was there yesterday and if you saw someone eating shit at the baron 1898 that was UHHHH NOT ME GUYS

first of all, cameron is extremely stressed out about wasting time/money so he wants to be there the second the gates open. If they’re staying in a hotel or bosrijk, he’s insanely anal about getting the extra half hour but they never end up getting it bc half the guys are still asleep

they go with mr keating (who had to pester the board for months about why it’d be beneficial for their education) and thank god because every single one of the guys is directionally challenged. if it werent for him they’d criss cross through the park all day

keating makes them sit at the fabula restaurant for like 20 minutes so he can drink coffee and plan out their walking route. cameron nearly has an aneurysm

everyone but cameron is running around that restaurant like children

charlie is hogging the slide, meeks and pitts are at the climbing section, knox is locked in on feeling the textures and the game where you merge your face with a penguin. spends five minutes trying to type in his email

neil and todd are mainly walking around trying to see everything, until todd gets jumpscared by the jumping snake. from then on he’s staying 10 feet away from any kind of structure in this building

cameron is sitting at a table with keating trying to explode him with his mind. keating is unfazed

when they finally go on a ride they go on fata morgana first

pitts is so insanely in tune with the present and his inner child that he fully locks in during every dark ride. EVERYTHING GETS HIM during the fata morgana. the negative energy makes him so on edge that he screams at everything 

everyone else is fine for the entirety of the ride except for the dentist scene where they all go ‘eugghhh’ in unison

they go on the baron 1898 next and knox is like eughhh i dont know guys cuz hes fucking terrified of heights but he won't actually come out and say it. they manage to convince him to get on cuz he's extremely sensitive to peer pressure

meeks and pitts are constantly playing no one knows (efteling heads up) in the line (in every line tbh) but they can’t control their volume. they’re always screaming when they get an answer right and it stresses cameron out

charlie wants to play with them but he's horrible at it cuz he keeps asking subjective questions

when they get on the coaster, knox is already having heart palpitations from the sight of the witte wieven. he then sees 1. how insanely high it is and 2. how theres a whole crowd of people on the ground staring up at them. right when the cart tips a little over the edge and hangs there, charlie (in the most sincere voice) says 'omg i think my seatbelt is undone!' n knox fully faints for a second

they don't let him go on rollercoasters anymore after that. he mainly rides the train and waves at every passerby

they go on sirocco (teacups ride). keating has mostly been keeping a neutral face and sharing history/poetry tidbits so he can argue that they have, in fact, learned somethng here. but on sirocco this guy goes HAM

hes 1. really strong and 2. obsessed with this ride so he's spinning it like crazy. he's in there with meeks and pitts who are having a grand old time

neil and todd are in a boat together and todd has this really blank expression. neil is extremely worried he's getting motion sick so he's constantly like 'are you good? should i stop spinning it???' and todds like 'yeah im good :)'. neil does not believe him and refuses to keep spinning it

the people who ARE getting motion sick are cameron and charlie, who somehow ended up in a boat together. neither of them are willing to admit it so they're both turning green and staring at each other to see if one of them will cave

they both end up puking

they go on droomvlucht and decide to test out the virtual line. when they get the notification that they can get on cameron freaks the fuck out cuz hes scared they'll miss their slot even tho its fifteen minutes. hyperventilating all like 'WE HAVE TO GO NOW NOW NOW NOW NOW'

while they wait for their time slot they go to the volk van laaf

neil and todd and meeks and pitts both go on the monorail. theyre on the monorail when their slot opens so they look down and just see a tiny little cameron waving his arms and screaming 'WE NEED TO GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO'

todd runs over the second they're off the ride cuz he's stressed, but the rest REFUSE to be rushed

knox has found the loof and eerhuys and nearly jumps out of his skin when vader laaf starts moaning and moving his feet

charlie would think this is very funny and start calling him freaky laaf if he werent stuck at the stairs that make noise, spamming the steps

when they're actually on droomvlucht, neil is constantly talking about a midsummer nights dream. pointing and pogging like 'OMG ITS OBERON'

neil in general chronically talks through rides. todd's content to listen

meeks gets jumpscared by the troll at the end and still has a horrified expression at the photo op

fairytale forest!!!

charlie is obsessed with everything that's interactive, specifically the troll king and the parrot. makes it say all sort of horrific things

obviously he's pogging at the mermaid boobs

also will not stop thirsting over the wolf. he is FRONT ROW at an evening with wolf even though he doesn't understand a word

the interactive bit pitts likes is the gnome that opens the door and just like. mutters at everyone. he thinks it's the funniest shit EVER.

todd is LOCKED IN at the fairytale tree. looks up at keating with these huge eyes as if to say 'thats u'

meeks has figured out how the app works and how to make kniesoor say ur name. knox is convinced it's witchcraft and then BEGS steven to show him how it works

i actually don't believe kniesoor knows the name knox but who knows!

they go on the halve maen (swinging ship) and cameron, still traumatized from the sirocco endeavor that he insists on sitting in the middle

everyone else refuses and since keating doesn't want anyone to be alone, he sits next to cameron

what cameron didnt really consider is that since the movement in the middle is a lot more subtle, it's likely to make you even more sick

keating's looking at him the entire time and going 'are you okay?' meanwhile camerons there like ._.

in the tips, a screaming contest breaks out between the two halves. charlie and knox start it and everyone joins in. ppl gets tired and kinda stops putting any effort into it at some point. as a joke, at the very end when it slows down, charlie says ‘imagine someone just fully yawps right now’ and todd just. does it

knox is mortified. charlie gives todd five dollars for the effort

in the vliegende hollander all of them are kind of tired and the line is stressing them out. they don't fully understand what the ride even is so when the dark ride portion starts everyone is kind of tense. to diffuse tension, during the fog portion, meeks yells 'OMG CHARLIE PUT UR VAPE AWAY'

they eat at polles keuken and neil gets the magic water

charlie is inspired and gets it too. nearly knocks over a waiter with how excited he is

of course they go on symbolica after

oj punctuel is camerons spirit animal. everyone wakling through the opening steps and he's like yuo guys... poor oj...

charlie DEMANDS to sit in the front row so he can press the buttons

todd gets terrified at the whale/fabelvis part. he just doesnt like things that are underwater

when they see polle they're like omg that's our guy!!

at the end knox spends all his money in the gift shop

meeks buys those cards with seeds in them but refuses to ever plant them

pitts buys a raveleijn sword

charlie buys a stuffed animal of the wolf

cameron buys a magnet

todd buys the book of fairytales and buys keating a pen

neil buys a droomvlucht puzzle

i have a thousand more ideas but i feel like this post is already WAY long so if anyone is interested in a part two lmk x

[knockyasocksoff2022]

ADA -> PM Switch deal fic poll

I already wrote a Tanizaki Port Mafia AU (where he decides to join on his own), so besides him, who should I write about. I'm talking about being selected for the transfer, not voluntarily joining. (Excluding Yosano, ofc as well as Kenji, and Kyouka b/c just nO!)

Might include ships, but might not depending on the person.

Here are some ways I think each member could be good in the PM:

FUKUZAWA

no extra training required

knows Mori

and is at least somewhat familar with Yokohama's underground

Kunikida and/or Ranpo could take over the ADA

he canonically has bloodlust

and only stopped killing because he knew it was BaD

people would be AFRAID

it's be really interetsing b/c if he goes Ranpo might follow

and then where would the ADA be?

Prob tortured Fukumori

slowburn (idk how good I am at writing slow burn but we'l see . . .)

rekindling of old failed toxic love that was killed before it could really get anywhere or see if it could bloom into sometjing pure

now they have to figure it out in their new circumstances

and if it even can work

but first they'll have to admit that there's still even the faintest hint of something there

and even then Mori will have to WORK for Fukuzawa's love (don't worry)

RANPO

while he has no combat training he is hella smart

we don't even need to say that

kind of reminds me of Elise

so i don't think Mori would have that much of a problem dealing with him

though i HIGHLY doubt mori would do that to Fukuzawa

unless he picked him because he actually wanted Fukuzawa and knew he’s volunteer in his place

ranpo could be and (somewhat is for the ADA) a brillaint strategist

he could be an analyst

the PM's enmies would cower in fear and so would any traitors

ranpo could deduce their location and plans in seconds

people would fear him for his mind alone

even if it took a bit for them to realise exactly how scary he actually so

if Mori did pick him Fukuzawa might follow him and transfer as well so . . .

Two for One?

I probably won’t write him b/c he’s already in the mafia in one of my other fics

but maybe I could write where Mori picks him and Fukuzawa volunteers instead

maybe Mori even knew that would happen.

either way, like i said, if he picks one he’ll prob get both

KUNIKIDA

he's organised and efficient so he could easily manage trading operations domestic and overseas

he's smart even if we may not see alot b/c of dazai and Ranpo

he could probably pickup languages easily

i think he'd be great at undercover work since he's actually capable of being subtle

and he used to being around *normal* people more and has better social skills

i feel like he's the type where he can look totally differnet with a diff hair style (or colour) or even if he just take soff his glasses or doesn't wear his little vest or something

and his ideals don't align exactly with the law, only what he thinsk is right

he’s willing to do what is necessary to get the job done

if joining the pm and controlling Yokohama’s underworld means less crime and violence overall then he’ll do it

i still think he wouldn’t kill but

he'd prob be really good at interrogation and combat missions that didn't involve killing (like theft or kidnapping for information/money or something)

I don't think he'd be the perfect fit but if they wrapped or broke him enough he could be absolutley terrifying in the mafia

No ships

Kuni has way higher standards (58 criteria to be percise) and these FREAKS meet none of them

DAZAI

people ahve so many opinions and theories that I'm not even going to get into this

his story, emotions, and lore are so complex I'm not even going to try b/c I feel like i won't do hima nd his character development justice

maybe some other time

NAOMI

I know I said I wouldn't do Junichirou

but if you're getting one, you're getting both

they're a package deal

and what's not to love

besides Jun's crazy killer skills

Noami is smart, savage and a little cruel (how she treats Jun when he's seasick) and unhinged

(thinking of the time she suggested Atsushi do sexual stuff for his entrance exam)

not to mention Dazai tutors her

if you can't have Dazai, why not have his student?

(I swear that's canon, correct me if I'm wrong though

)

she has the potential to be heartless, sadistic, and terrifying

She also likes to see people (Junichirou, at least) squirm and be uncomfortable or suffer to some extent.

idk

maybe that’s just their dYnAmIc though

(thinking again of how she treats him when he says no to her and is clearly uncomfortable. Also when she talks loudly and obviously about sexual stuff in front of others.

im not sure if it’s intentional or if she really is that insensitive or unaware of how it makes others feel

i suspect the former

I prob won't write her either

but maybe if I focus on her story more it won't seem TOO repetitive

Idk

what the people want, the people get

but we just know sooo painfuly little about her (aside from her in relation to Jun since their *thing* is kinda her whole personality *cringe*)

unlike some I still like her

If i did there would be no ships

idk even who to ship her with in the mafia

or maybe i'd be BOLD and go for the ewwie incest

idk

if not then prob very abckground Tachizaki

ATSUSHI

obviously, his ability

it's the full deal: stength, speed, agility, regeneration

the perfect partner for sskk

the thing last Mori needs for his SKK 2.0

his combat skills are a little haphazard (relying on brute force mostly) but Kunikida has been taring him in martial arts a little even though they have hardly has any time with all the CHOAS

you're prob thinking "NO WAY! He litterly says he needs to save people to live! That's liek hsi whole thing!"

you're right

but if Mori or the other executives wrapped him i think

b/c he's so insecure

they could convince him

(kind of like they did Kyouka, only her will is stronger than Atsushi's)

that violence and destruction and killing is his purpose and what he was born for.

But, I doubt Mori would go the route of telling him it's all he's good for and that if he doesn't do it, he's good for nothing again.

He knows it didn't work the first time and it's too easy to reverse esp since Atsushi has already been with the ADA.

I think Mori would set about convincing him that he deserves to let his anger out for all the world has done to him

that the world is his enemy and that he should punsih it

that people deserve his wrath for allowing a society where he could be treated the way he has been exists

Prob slowburn eventual SSKK

on this blog we say Aku is just fine, perfectly okay, and doing well

They're still going to fight like angry cats

Aku will prob realise his feelings when he finds himself misisng Atsushi's old personality

idk

meanwhile Atsushi is just drowning in the brainwash

the "bliss" of anger and he's too unaware even to fight it

still SSKK become partners

and knowing them, it's to the point where only they don't know they are together

them "not-dating" will prob be like their messed up theray and break Atsushi's trace or smth

maybe they hide the fact that he's not mid controlled or whatever form Mori

Atsushi might still decide to stay just to keep any other agency members form geing tansferred

and who knows he may even learn to like it

idk

i haven't thought to far ahead yet

it's too late and i should be in bed but

ANYWAYS here you go!

[intertexts]

anyway nhw dynamic essay i am NOT going to fucking. type out all of this at once. it is 1am. but. yayyyayayay!!

>starting out w/ ashe & virion because i have been having Thoughts on them........... b4 the trickster they are already good friends-- it's a little awkward at first bc oh shit virion is really cool and kind of scary, i dunno if he likes me, i think he and william are a thing and i've been spending a lot of time with william lately. but that doesn't last long, maybe until the first time they're in some minor scuffle and imprint takes a hit for him. & ashe goes ohhh fuck. maybe he doesn't hate me? & then it turns out that virion is-- well, yeah, he is kind of quiet and intimidating (the horrors! the goofiness was closer to the surface before his family. well.) and hard to make laugh, but they're kind of similar. the quietness is frequently masking awkwardness or not knowing what to do or say in some situation, and they're both so clueless as to normal person stuff (wibby and dakota make some reference to public school shit & virion & ashe make 'do you believe this shit?' eye contact over their heads.) & they're both massive nerds. after all of the horrors, everything virion liked playing was covered in The Ooze, and also he was. living with a gun in his hand and sleeping for no more than two hours max at once with his eyes open and Killing People and doing dirty work for a year or so. grew up pretty fucking fast. didn't have much time for jrpgs anymore. anyway i think he eventually sees ashe on their couch playing pokemon or smth on his switch n just gravitates over. sits on the couch back and watches the animal crossing island ashe is running like the fucking navy or whatever. it becomes a thing. ashe gets him really into shin megami tensei (<- this one is just for me i just thing he'd like smt. relevant 2 mac's thoughts on ashe & horror etc!). they're the ones reluctantly tagging along with dakota & wibby's ridiculous shit & talking super quietly with their heads kinda close together. they'd be really good roommates.

after ashe returns from the trickster-- ok getting sidetracked thinking abt this LMAO. but. i think being muse for so long fucks ashe UP. it takes... a long time. the strain of being forced in his breaker form for as long as he was had consequences!! he did not come out of that as abled as he went in! & also the trickster turning his mind into soup for a year or so fucked with his head severely. get lobotomized idiot. and also. well. the everything else. anyway, i think for the first while when he comes back he dissociates a lot. loses significant amounts of time frequently. has derealization issues. has delusions related to the "hey that guy controlled my body for a year and change and before that he stalked me for god knows how long and always knew exactly where i was and i kept running into him" thing. panics frequently and messily. gets migraines. gets bad & debilitating flashbacks. is back to having 10 billion hangups about his powers. anyway anyway anyway virion.. understands, a lot of this. in a way that wibby & dakota don't. not that they haven't seen awful shit and had awful shit done to them!! but virion is the one who watched his entire family slaughtered in front of him. he's the one who's killed people. he knows what it's like to be okay and maybe happy and one day something fucking breaks, and you'll just. never be the same again. never get that back again, never be who u were before. (dakota was like, 7/8 when he triggered. virion was 15/16.) and he understands the grief & the paranoia & the brain static & the losing time & the fear. so virion gets it. ashe knows that virion is very very scary and very very alert and virion took a crowbar or something for him after knowing him for a couple weeks. so if, like, there's anyone to feel safe around... it's him. ashe's fine motor control is not so good for a while and he's terrified of using his telekinesis, so now it's virion playing animal crossing and ashe watching. he has a fucking awful island it's dogshit it's so funny. virion's good to fall asleep on. they hold hands if they have to go out somewhere. etc. shoutout 2 virion sol & all the emos he keeps picking up & wanting to kill people for. gayass!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tiredassmage]

What I've Been Missing

Aka, I've sat on how the game wrapped things up for a few days now and I think I've finally managed to collect my thoughts about how the end of the realms did not end up going, lol. So I'll finally post my little ramble on how Act III (or... maybe kind of the whole game..ish. This got away from me) wrapped up for my beloved little sorcerer. This, I think, is what I kind of was aiming for with my other Act III roundup post, but I didn't have quite all the cards yet.

First of all, my 70-80 some hours in this particular playthrough specifically for Ambrose (she/he, please!) to be able to look like this for the rest of his life.

The last like four hours of this game really did some numbers on me, frankly. So! Naturally, Act III spoilers + Epilogue spoilers!

Generally speaking, I think the companion stories are probably my favorite element of this game, and perhaps especially with Ambrose, a lot of her growth and discovery is right alongside them. As a short set-up for her own growth in this, she was also in a place at the start of this story where he was trying to flee a life growing up with little to no real agency. Ambrose was born to foretold greatness, so it was only a few times said to her... before anticipation turned to fear of what she was capable of and the unpredictable nature of his magic.

So, instead, "for her own protection," her parents gave her away to be trained rigorously - they were told it would help her control her abilities, but, in the long-run, her master was far more interested in weaponizing her abilities for his own uses.

So, that said, yeah, his companions' struggles along their little tadpole spelunking come to mean quite a lot for him. There's some hiccups along the way, of course - Astarion scares the daylights out of her that one evening he goes looking for a neck to feed from and, unfortunately, the party lost Lae'zel early (which broke my heart, frankly, I love my girl ;_; and this is inconsistent with pretty much every other save I have so it kills me a little that this is the first one I finished because OUGH but I digress) because Ambrose was still a bit too skittish that early on to argue with her assessment of their infection and the rest of the party decided knifing their resident sorcerer had dire consequences.

Which is essentially just to say that doing some advocating for her companions' liberties over the course of the story eventually culminates in confidence-building and a stronger sense of personal identity by the end of things for Ambrose, too.

But she did spend a fair amount of all of this terrified, frankly. He's never needed to be a leader, and that speaks nothing on the stakes of things being so high. It really isn't until Act III, until a lot of her companions find some closure that Ambrose started to find some of his own - that she decided she was no longer going to be a victim of her past; she has a voice, and in times like these... he found there wasn't much room left to not use it. There was nobody else, so she would finally own what had been made of him and take control of it.

Her own abilities, mind. None of this illithid business. She hasn't trusted the Emperor since... ouuughh, sometime in Act II, I think. She grew leery of talk of 'power' and 'potential.' She's heard that all before with her magic.

But, I say that. And I'll also say it's not that she ever trusted Raphael, either, but he's at least... less concerned about Raphael (by a slim margin) than he is of the Emperor.

So a key decision in all of this is:

Ambrose takes Raphael's deal at Sharess's Caress for the Orphic Hammer

And essentially immediately hides and cries a bit about it in Halsin's chest because, essentially, the entire group's reaction to that was: everybody disliked that.

But Ambrose felt at least that they had... some kind of knowledge of the consequences of defying the Hells. She doesn't know what'll really happen when they fight this Elder Brain. He doesn't trust the Emperor. She wants... an option, in short. And Raphael unfortunately catches her right in that. Thus, Ambrose signs the contract not... really with the intent to give Raphael the Crown of Karsus, but she doesn't have a better plan at that exact moment.

And I think that's kind of the tipping point. Some other key highlights as far as companions:

Carrying on from defying Shar in the Shadowfell, Ambrose accompanies her to the House of Grief and kills Viconia for the years of torment she put Shadowheart through. And... heartbrokenly encourages Shadowheart to do what she feels is right in regards to her parents in hopes she'll set herself free from Shar's influence. She does.

Astarion and Ambrose haven't exactly gotten along for much of this journey. Astarion has frankly intimidated him several times over. She gets firmer about pushing back on the Ascenion plan as Act III progresses and the consequences of Cazador's ritual become clearer. Astarion sets the spawn and the Gur children free.

It tastes insanely bitter to urge Wyll to break his contract with Mizora after signing her own soul to Raphael, but driven by her own regret of that decision, she urges Wyll to get out of the contract. They later still manage (to their surprise) locate and save Duke Ravengard.

Gale is taken by Orin from camp - and this is perhaps another key moment where Ambrose feels something strong enough to overcome fear of the dire straights they're all in. After Orin's departure from camp and some tears spent on the stress and the fear of losing one of her closest friends from this journey, Ambrose is very, very certain she's going to kill Orin. Fuck what Gortash wants, this is personal now.

And speaking of Gale, Ambrose and Gale have spent a lot of time trading sad puppy eyes on this adventure. Gale fills a role of a really close friend - and on top of that, one in a predicament that calls to mind her own situation a bit painfully well. So Ambrose has been despaired with him of Mystra's askance and tearfully insisted they'll find some other way (no, she doesn't know what it'll be) to deal with the Absolute. As for where the Crown is concerned... it's another moment where Ambrose finally reaches a point of frustration with rehashing the same ground (a bit like she had with Astarion) and gets firmer and a bit shorter about no, they do not owe a goddess anything, and please for the love of whatever gods we do still somehow care about, can we stop planning to fucking ascend for five damn minutes? [The Crown is ultimately left in the Chionthar, and Ambrose is delighted by Gale's invitation to visit his classes at the academy]

Finding Ansur ends up being its own incredibly defining moment for everything else to come. It's one of the later things I ended up completing, so by then, Orin had fallen and most of the above had been resolved as well, but Ansur's fate solidifies Ambrose's complete mistrust of the Emperor. Perhaps its overly critical or hypocritical of her to feel angered by Ansur's death, to feel it a betrayal of all the values they just endured trials for, but it doesn't matter to her if it is, in that moment. It doesn't present any new path forward, exactly, but it solidifies her judgement that they've been manipulated long enough. It's the last push of confidence-building to finally seek the diabolist Helsik and destroy that contract she made with Raphael. [And after getting back at Orin for threatening Gale, and then seeing the horrors of Raphael's House of "Hope," Ambrose goes after... essentially everything he owns. Oh, and Karlach's heartbreaking disappointment with him that he took the deal in the first place and that they're here. Suffice to say Ambrose takes to clearing the House of Hope with a mentality of "I will take everything from you for what you've done." Which... whether that's healthy growth from the timid, learned helplessness experienced earlier in her story is... perhaps debatable, but frankly I'm gonna root for her anyway.]

So! All of this isn't really at all what I meant to cover in this post, lmao, but I hadn't talked about it anywhere else in any real depth and it kind of sets up where things were at for the ending. Which in short, saw Ambrose refuse to trust the Emperor with the Netherstones and stick to freeing Orpheus, despite knowing... really nothing about him, having missed out on... pretty much the entirety of the githyanki action considering Lae'zel's loss early on.

And I wasn't so sure I was entirely happy with that decision, but after a couple days sitting with it... I think it's still consistent for her. If for no other reason, then it's because it's the path she committed to when he accepted Raphael's deal, and to refute it would have made the entire struggle of dealing and breaking the deal kind of pointless.

But it still cost Karlach, which... isn't really what Ambrose wanted of any of this. After so long of fighting to make choices, and finally getting to a place where she'd dug her confidence up with dirt and blood under her nails... This was really their only option? And Orpheus wasn't... pleased, to say the least. Ambrose isn't pleased to be argued with on "hypotheticals" at that point, either. It's a lot of could have and she's... exhausted and stressed and a little a lot frazzled that they've all been led along by the nose, so as willing as she is to cede to the demanded "Your Majesty" of it all, she's not so willing to stand there and argue about what they can't change. Could have won't save her and her friends now. And just because Karlach volunteers doesn't mean Ambrose is... pleased with watching it happen. Doesn't make her any less concerned about what they've really done in the long-run because Ambrose has about had it with illithids after all of this. Omeluum is alright, he's supposed, so Karlach shouldn't be much different, but it's... still a lot to take in.

But that finally leaves us at the end of things. With Orpheus off to fight a war against Vlaakith and Baldur's Gate facing rebuilding.

Overall, I think what came together is... right by Ambrose's experiences. I imagine her and Shadowheart together go with Halsin; neither elements of the relationship were things I had really anticipated starting Ambrose's playthrough, but... Shadowheart had the confidence to question where Ambrose didn't quite have it yet, early in their relationship. Perhaps ironically, or maybe fittingly, neither of them were exactly the best at self-advocacy early on in their respective struggles, but in each other found the confidence they needed to determine their own futures and make of it what they truly desired, not what was foretold of them.

Halsin I think was the even bigger surprise. I wasn't sure where he and Ambrose were going, only that they got along well and Halsin was a comforting presence in camp for her from early journeys towards Moonrise Towers. But Halsin became a real important pillar of support for him and I think, all together, they can look out for each other when one of them is down with their doubts. And those forehead kisses did numbers on me, frankly. Ambrose needed those so, so badly.

So, I imagine together they set up and build a new life filled with Scratch still sleeping across Ambrose's legs, the owl bear romping around filling the many children they took with them to Thaniel and Oliver's realm. Shadowheart and Ambrose do occasionally adventure and still explore different Selunite holdings and deal with Sharran assassins, but they have a home to return to and Ambrose does not want to stray far from Halsin's side overlong to assure that they will always return. Whenever they do have to leave, however, Ambrose always carries the wooden duck Halsin carves him in his pack to remind her of home.

And it is good to see everyone again at the reunion. Ambrose, for one, thinks they couldn't miss it for the world. Shadowheart and Halsin especially, of course, she asked to stick with her through the end and they've supported him closely, but all of them did. Despite the circumstances and the trials of everything... Those friendships he would not like to lose. And... I think I'll be crying about the whole journey perhaps one more time, recapping it, lol.

And as a sort of personal note of it all, it was just... really nice to get to explore Ambrose more deeply this way. He was a briefly explored oc in a different game I didn't finish up with, and she got a real new life here where she's grown a lot and I've gotten to see his story to a real completion which is just. super fulfilling and mostly heartwarming, even for the tearjerking moments, lol.

And I have... ohhh, probably at least 12 other characters bumping around in my 435+ hours of playing this game as well, so I will certainly have more adventures to tell of eventually! Who to finish next is the question, hehe!

(+ some final excerpts from the epilogue / end of things <3 bc they are all so so dear to me; they dressed her so so pretty for the epilogue ;_; everyone looking fantastic tho tbh)

[raekensarcher]

tagged by @thiamsxbitch ,, thank u love :)

Rules: post the first lines of your last 10 fics posted to Ao3. (Sort by date posted.) If you have less than 10 fics posted, post what you have.

all fics completed aside from all about control :p

All the Love we Unraveled and the Life I Gave Away | Thiam

The exhaustion goes bone deep. Skin feeling akin to something like a livewire, feeling the clothes clinging to his skin with every step he takes. Swallows what feels like bile rising in the back of his throat, ignoring the itch of a scream clawing its way through his chest. Begging to be released, let out any tension that's been growing under his skin since Scott had called him.

Tell me That we’ll be Just Fine (Even When I Lose my Mind) | Thiam

Theo has, objectively, made a lot of stupid choices in his life. Throw a dart, you'll hit one.

This, though, this might actually take the cake on the list of Dumbest fucking things Theo Raeken has ever done. Which is no small feat, all things considered.

It takes all of three seconds after Theo tells Nolan to run, watching him stumble across the dirt and broken tree limbs before his eyes slide over to the unconscious beta on the ground and it finally registers in his brain what he just did. He just managed to effectively ruin any chance of getting out of this fucking zoo and away from these hunters at a quick pace, all because he was saving Liam's stupid ass, again.

Close my eyes, Fantasize, Three Clicks and I’m Home | Thiam

He’s not sure when it started; when this pull between he and Liam became a thing. If he had to pinpoint the exact moment, and he’s just spitballing here, it might have to be when he was pulled from hell.

‘Cause everyone’s growing, and everyone’s healthy. (I’m terrified that I might never have met me) | Thiam

When he starts crawling his way up through the earth, hands grasping for purchase on the dirt surrounding him, he thinks it’s a more fucked up version of the nightmare he’s been living in for the last few months. Years? It feels like a lifetime. Endless loops of having his sister's heart ripped out of his chest, over and over and over again. It’s hard to remember.

Of Gods and Monsters | Thiam

The question comes so far out of left field that it manages to render Theo speechless, spoonful of melting ice cream lifted halfway to his open mouth as he stares at the beta across from him with some mix between shock and confusion.

Liam takes his reaction in stride, continuing to eat his own ice cream, completely unbothered by the fact that he just managed to hit some kind of pause button inside of Theo’s brain. Theo thinks if it were any other situation the beta might have even made a joke about it, but the question wasn’t laced with any humor, just pure curiosity.

I’m here, right here, wishing I could be there for you. | Thiam

In hindsight, Liam probably should have seen how this was not going to go his way. Call him an optimist. He had maybe, dumbly, hoped that Theo would pull his head out of his ass long enough to appreciate the fact that he was valued and not, I don't know, wanted dead in the middle of the preserve? It was wishful thinking on Liam’s part.

“I’m just saying, I'm a little bit sick of your shit.”

Crimson Stained Hands | Implied Thiam , Theo centric

Theo’s never been able to put it into words, this weight that sits so heavily on his chest that sometimes he gets sharp pains that shoot through his veins. He thinks it might be some kind of punishment, though he’s not sure which sin caused this, which sin keeps him in constant torment. It’s a long list, some days it seems like it’s one that’s never going to end.

It’s like the universe has left me without a place to go | Thiam

"You're a hard man to find these days."

Theo hums from his place on the tailgate, legs swinging slowly back and forth, his eyes trained on something in the distance, not fully there.

Liam's feet stay planted where they are, eyes trained on the way Theo's hands have tightened their hold on the metal surface of the tailgate at the sound of Liam's voice. He tries not to think too hard on it, knows it probably has nothing to do with him and everything to do with the fact that Theo has been avoiding him and life itself for the last three weeks.

All About Control | Thiam

There’s been a shadow following Theo around since he was Nine years old, a dark and looming thing that sits in his peripheral vision, a constant and threatening reminder of where he came from. Of what he can be brought back to. Some days it looks a lot like the Dread Doctors, more specifically the Surgeon. The shadow will shift and morph into a figure that resembles something from his worst memories, the ones he wishes were ripped out of him the way everything else was. Other days it morphs into something smaller, something dripping with icy ravine water, the smell of dirt and mud coming with it.

It could end in burning flames or paradise | Thiam

Theo is alive.

At least, most days he’s pretty sure he is. He feels the blood flowing under his skin, feels the stolen heart thudding against his ribs, feels the way his pulse jumps when Liam speaks in the tone he seems to solely reserve for him and him only.

tagging @stitchkiss :p

[turnthefrigginyeerksgay]

animorphs #4 notes

-wait is this the book where Ax shows up?

-OH MY GOD ITS THE ONE WHERE AX SHOWS UP

-fun fact: #4 was the first animorphs book i ever read as a kid lmao. what a place to jump in at

-another fun fact: cassie and tobias were my favorite characters as a kid. cassie because i wanted to be a vet, tobias because i had social anxiety and was weird as fuck

-love how cassie is just like “me and my friends live in constant terror and have the weight of the entire world on our shoulders even though we are just children. also i like like Jake”

-they have literally all called Marco pretty lmao

-i love ax so much man. i think it’s kind of easy to forget that he is also just a teenager. he was probably scared as hell trapped at the bottom of the ocean and thinking there was literally no one on the planet who could save him

-i think this is the first time we see marco immediately agree to a stupid plan and i think it really goes to show that he really does care about the cause and is just (rightly) scared for the safety of himself and his friends

-cassie’s pov is really interesting so far just because she reads so far into the other characters. also this is depressing as hell. what the fuck.

-i have a lot of mixed feelings about cassie. on one hand, she’s a great friend and tries really hard to take care of her friends (complimenting marcos hair on the bus and joking to tobias to try and make him feel better, for example) but on the other hand her whole “we’re just as bad as them” morality thing is annoying as hell. like how are you actually sitting there comparing you and your 3 friends temporarily taking over dolphin minds to the Yeerks trying to make slaves out of the entire human race. also you and your friends have murdered innocent people who were being controlled by yeerks, but you’ve decided to have a moral crisis over some dolphins?

-take a shot every time tobias says “good grief”

-ok. we’re talking to a whale. this is normal.

-yknow i know they’re like 13 but i think cassie might be a little. crazy. naive. i’m probably gonna make a whole post about cassie when i get a little further into the series because i have Thoughts

-marco really does straight up accuse her of being afraid of responsibility in book #4 huh

-marco is the only valid bitch here

-AX

-AX AX AX AX

-MY BOOOOOY

-i am once again thinking about how terrified ax must have been. and then had to find out his brother is dead. and that the only hope for the planet hes on lies in himself and 5 human teenagers who don’t even really know what they’re up against.

-i love ax so fucking much man

-i think this might be one of my favorite moments in the whole series because i think this is when it really hits the animorphs and us just how fucked this situation is. The way they expected Ax to be a warrior like Elfangor but he ends up being a kid just like them really is a slap in the face

-oh my god. these poor kids. they are so damn scared. i love these kids so fucking much man

-idk how to explain it but there’s something very gender about ax morphing human. do y’all get me because idk how to explain it

-look i’m just saying that the animorphs are a queer friend group ok. happy pride (editors note: it was in fact pride when i took these notes i’m a dumbass who forgot to post)

Bonus screenshot i took but didn’t make a note on for some reason:

I think this might be another one of my favorite moments in the series. i just love ax a lot man

[nonuggetshere]

Would u be willing to share any tidbits about the faaf variant where Flower goes thru with the sealing?? (I’m p sure u said that exists and it’s not just the brainrot of my post sealing au that’s telling my brain that)

CRACKS MY KNUCKLES

WITH PLEASURE

So there's two variants, one where they break out after 5 years or one that follows Embrace The Void ending

After they're sealed, Hornet delivered the message they left to their boyfriends and family. They're shocked to see the goddamn princess at their doorstep at first. There are lots of tears and Hornet apologises for not being able to change their mind, but she's quickly hushed by Flower's partners and Lummis' parents. They share their grief and comfort each other, and Hornet is just as readily accepted into the family as her sibling was.

She tries to tell their father the truth, which is what they planned from the beginning because they were aware it was very likely they wouldn't be able to fight Radiance off forever, but Pale King wasn't taking their loss well so when faced with the possibility that the child he mourned all over again was alive all this time... He just couldn't accept it. It hurt too much to even consider. He couldn't. He had to be right.

This led to him and Hornet quickly falling out as she desperately tried to get him to believe her and he eventually snapped at her about being delusional and disrespecting her dead sibling's sacrifice. He immediately regretted it but the damage was done and she stormed off. Their relationship was never the same again, even when she gave up on nagging him, and once she grew up she just stopped visiting him or White Lady in the palace altogether, save for very sporadic occasions.

She spends a lot of time with Flower's family, practically becoming a part of it. Nobody back home understands what she's going through, nobody but she knew her sibling as a person, nobody knew who they were or how much they meant to her. But these people do, they're going through the same pain. And it's a little easier when they've got each other to rely on.

They frequently visit the temple and sit in front of the egg, talking to Flower as if they could hear them and catching them up with things that happened. They don't know if Flower can actually hear them, but it helps them cope, and if there is a small chance that they do they wouldn't want them to feel alone. (I have. A little dialogue written up for Hornet's visit, if you want your heart torn out)

So in one branch, Flower manages to win against Radiance after 5 years of torment.

She manages to break the chains and tries to stagger out of the egg, but Flower fights with her for control, they stumble over to their sword and stab themself. She wuns back control soon after, but realising they're losing Flower reaches out into that vast emptiness they always felt inside them since the day they were born. For that ancient, sleeping thing they were always terrified of.

The Lord of Shades is a separate character here. It's an ancient higher being, an actual sub-type of one that I very originally called void beings, it was the last one and its kind died with it after it lost to Radiance many eons ago; that is, until PK started to fuck around with its corpse and created the vessels. It basically allowed them to reawaken (since death doesn't work the same way if you were never alive to begun with) and it helps Flower, as in it possesses them and absolutely wrecks Radiance's shit. (I actually wrote this entire fight if you wanna see, I just don't wanna plop it down here bc its LONG)

Flower passes out and wakes up shortly after with no recollection of what happened past their initial fight with Radiance. They stagger back to their feet, and find that not only is She gone but the seals are also gone and the door is wide open. So they stagger back to the White Palace.

Pale King first figures out something's up when Radiance's dying scream literally shakes the entire kingdom to its core. Then, he gets the news that the dreamers are awake. He sends Dryya to fetch the queen from the gardens and talks with the other knights about going to check the temple, only for Dryya to return shortly after, telling him that the vessel has returned.

He rushes to see, and sure enough there they are. They look at him, for a moment everybody's tense, until they drop into a bow...and then shortly after pass the fuck out.

They're carried off to a room and taken care of.

The Pale King has to juggle a lot as the entire court just goes into chaos, and he's talking to the dreamers and a few other people, trying to figure out what the hell happened, when Hornet storms in and slaps him right in the face. She basically goes "I told you so" then storms off to go see her sibling.

They recover over a few weeks and when they wake up their little sister is pressed up close to their side fast asleep. They shake her awake and the two have a very happy reunion, and Flower gushes about how much she's grown only to then immediately make a joke about her height.

They've got a lot of shit to heal from and their parents avoid them like the plague after finally realising they are alive, so they've got that entire thing to worry about. And then there's also the fact that the Shade Lord never left and they have a fucked up venom-like situation on their hands. And they also have to figure out the entire thing of being the new god of dreams now.

That all can wait for now, though, as they finally get to go home and reunite with their lovers. There are a lot of tears and hugs and kisses, and they apologise so much for leaving them, but Petunia and Lummis quickly hush them saying they are just happy to have them back.

Another branch follows more along the lines of Embrace The Void ending, except more characters are alive, mainly the five great knights, The Pale King, as well as Broken Vessel (Spring) and Greenpath Vessel (Basil). Spring and Basil end up joining Ghost for a large portion of their travels, until the tail end of it where they just sit it out in Dirtmouth after Spring gets injured, leaving Ghost to go beat up their dad for the second part of the charm, go to the abyss, all that jazz.

After the infection dies out, it's mainly PK and his knights that try to rebuild the kingdom, while Hornet takes care of her sibling up in Dirtmouth.

Petunia and Lummis are also still alive, mostly because Hornet convinced Grimm to take them in as part of the troupe and troupe members age differently in this AU. I don't wanna get too much into it, basically Lum and Petunia and some of their family get to live longer but don't retain their memories of the time in the troupe after they're released by Grimm. I just need them to reunite with Flower okay.

Hornet also tells their father and the knights that Flower died to keep them from seeing them, and PK doesn't realise this isn't true until he goes to see his wife and she tells him she can still sense them up on the surface. He figures Hornet must have had a good reason to lie though so he doesn't pry.

Flower deals with a lot here and is much more bitter and angry and quick to choose violence, which actually terrifies them. They apologise so much to their partners, because they left their entire lives behind for them and they're not even the same person that they fell in love with. Lummis and Petunia of course tell them that's rubbish.

Basically, Flower's an emotional mess and has anger issues now that they've got to work through.

I could go in more detail but I've been writing for around an hour now and my thoughts are all over the place KDBDJDJD, if ya wanna know specifics of things that would happen like idk their reunion with their parents, just lmk

[practically-an-x-man]

Your OCs, for being nice to Laila, have received a gift! The severed heads of their worst enemies sit in a large burlap sack, the decapitation wounds all cauterized by her lightsaber so there's not blood everywhere. How do they react (let's be honest Eris would probably be into it)?

Ooooooh haha I should've seen this coming lol. Thank you!

Rae: Is caught in one perpetual "what the fuck is going on here?" and doesn't really connect that it's related to helping Laila. She decides that the safest thing is to leave the heads where they are and call this in, and she and Warren stay back at the X-Mansion for a few days while an investigation is conducted. It's probably the safest option, since she's sure that people would notice the ones who have been killed and calling it in immediately helps them to be expunged as potential suspects.

Robin: Opens up the back and immediately shrieks, which of course sends Peter running in as fast as he can (since usually Robin isn't the screaming type). In the end, they call Charles and have him help them drop off the bag at the local police station without raising suspicion

Madison: Hikes into the woods with Bravo and buries the heads wayyy deep in the forest. Outwardly she's very contained and in control, but as soon as the heads are buried and the evidence is gone she's shaking all over as the situation really hits her. She's... hardcore rattled.

Ophelia: Calls the NYPD. Normally cops are not her friends, and she's definitely not a fan of having the pigs crawling around in her lab, but she's got a reputation to maintain (both as Argonaut and as the spokesperson for Denarii) and it's probably best just to turn this one over. Technically, she has never killed another human being, let alone in such a violent manner, and there are a lot of people to vouch for her, so she gets turned over as a suspect pretty quickly.

Gia: Doesn't seem to process that these are her worst enemies, sees a bag of severed heads and assumes this is some sort of threat towards her. She packs up as much of her clover and personal belongings as possible, abandons the rest, and just starts driving. (Or, on a lighter note, if she's with Kate at this point she'd stay over there for a while, or with Clint on his farm until the situation calms down a bit)

Jasper: Also assumes this is some kind of message, but more in a "they found out your boyfriend was in a horrible bus crash and was magically necromanced and now they're coming after you for it" kind of way. The only thing they can think to do is call the witches, but even that's not particularly helpful.

Kestrel: Is disgusted and perhaps a little frightened, but is able to dispose of the heads before anyone else notices. Most are chucked into the acidic tar pits at the far end of the preserve, and the rest are simply buried in the most uninhabitable patches of the woods to decompose. Perks of being a changeling on a magically-protected preserve - the cops will literally never find them, and legally they do not exist.

Katherine: Oh my god, can you IMAGINE? She'd be terrified out of her mind, her apartment would be closed down for the police investigation, she and Jace end up staying over with Emily (though neither of them are able to sleep much). This traumatizes her for real, we're talking genuine PTSD that affects her for YEARS.

Quinn: Initially thinks the heads are some sort of prop or special effect, up until she picks one up and realizes it's way too real. Thankfully she lives out in the desert, so she just drives out to the middle of nowhere and buries the heads in the sand so they'll decompose.

Eris: Absolutely would be into it, and wants to mount them all on pikes and display them around the outside of the apartment like the old English castles. It takes everything in Rick's power to convince them of what an absolutely horrible idea that is.

Nikoletta: Takes one look, and immediately turns around and goes back inside. "Get the cat carriers. We're moving. Right now."

[trashideas]

Diluc/Childe

TW: Blood and gore, limbs get a little broken, suicidal idealisation because “uh oh, I'm a zombie and I don't want to kill my loved ones”

Zombie apocalypse AU where Childe gets bit and he immediately hides from everyone.

He figures that he is going to die. One horrible thing about zombies is that they retain their combat abilities from their life. So Childe knew. He just knew that his zombie self would cause chaos. He doesn't want that. He doesn't have time to leave a note. They were in the middle of an open battlefield and Childe didn't know how long he had before he would fully turn.

He could already feel an itchiness in his mind. Something that could not be scratched.

He ran as far as he could as fast as he could. Zombies didn't stop to go after him. So he did what any sane person would do and slaughtered them as he went by. Even while killing his own kind, they didn't go after him. Childe essentially had invincibility. He would use it wisely before time was up.

He figured that once the insanity turned onto other things, he would cut off his legs and break his arms. At least then he would not be able to hurt anybody.

That time did not come.

Zombies we're creatures that didn't sleep. But they didn't have an infinite amount of energy. Zombies rose with the sun and fell by the moon. The reason was because the moon didn't provide enough energy like the sun did. Humans give no nutritional value. However, other animals do. And with the power of eating things that wasn't his own species, Childe was free to kill as many undead as he could.

Hordes of zombies were slaughtered within days.

The resistance was terrified. They had lost one of their best fighters... But the hordes of zombies were draining faster than they could gather intel. They found battlefields filled with hundreds of zombie corpses but never any non-turned.

Many people of the resistance have some sort of animal companion that can either carry a person or a letter to other branches of the resistance. To many, it's a horse or dog, in some rare cases- a bird. Childe’s familiar was a fox. These animals aren't spiritually connected to a human in any way; they are just simply animals who favor the help of humans. Childe’s fox liked only a few people. With the disappearance of Childe, came the disappearance of his fox as well.

Until one day it came back to the resistance with a note tied around it's neck.

“A few weeks ago I was bitten by a zombie during the battle to retake Liyue Harbor. I fled in hopes that I would not be able to harm any of our own. On my way out, I found that the zombies will not attack me.

Before my death, I want to help create a world where we can one day be safe. I feel the effects on my mind. I will not be returning. However, I will do my best to assist you on the battle front.

Please send with Shore the locations of the hordes that need dispensing with at once. I do not know how much longer I will last.

I will send updates every other day via Diluc’s falcons. Allow one to follow Shore.

Do not send people.

Please.”

The resistance compiles a list of places where there are many zombies. One of these places being the city of Mondstadt.

Childe sends a letter detailing that he will be heading to Mondstadt and to recall anyone in that area back to base. They comply... to an extent. Diluc doesn't listen to commands and heads to watch his overrun city. He watches Childe approach. Diluc watches as Childe dispatches of all zombies. Childe hunts them down with a mechanical efficiency and speed. A city that would've taken nearly the entire resistance to reclaim... is reclaimed by a single man. To Diluc, it looks as though Childe still has full control over himself.

Diluc has greatly missed the other and goes to confront him while he leaves the gates of the city. Once Childe spots him, he summons his water blades, but he doesn't turn them against Diluc. Instead, Childe quickly breaks the shin of one of his legs. Before Childe can break the other, Diluc is on him, fighting away his weapon.

Childe is crying.

“Why? Why didn't you just-”

Diluc is also crying.

“You're such an idiot!”

Diluc refuses to kill Childe. He refuses to mutilate him further too.

Diluc has to restrain Childe by binding his legs and arms so that he doesn't further injure himself. To both of their surprise, Childe’s symptoms of turning are not progressing. In fact, Childe should've fully turned many days ago.

....

“Just promise me one thing.”

“What is it?”

“If I show any signs of turning. Cut off my legs and arms and kill me.”

Diluc grimaced.

“Promise me. Or I'll bite my tongue off here and now and you'll deal with the consequences of whatever demon I’ll be.”

“You wouldn't do that.”

“Do you know that? I'm not who I was. I'm a monster.”

....

Childe’s condition does change. His bloodlust grows rapidly. Tartaglia’s name on the battlefield was already well known for his lust for battle. But this... This wasn't just lust. This was a hunger for a bloody fight and Ajax was a starving man.

During the night, Childe escapes his bindings. Diluc is sleeping at the time and Childe is so quiet with his escape that he didn't wake up.

[langermanns]

more about hush

so hush. weird name. ive tried to give her other names, mostly girl names that i liked when i was a kid, but it just feels weird to say, like im invading her privacy. so i guess she does have another name, but that's her business, so in any written record, she's just hush. its like in the cats musical, how the cats have a secret name that's just for them? i guess lol.

anyway, hush is a girl. a version of me from around third grade, i think? i want to say that she doesn't do much, and im not even entirely sure what i could describe her role as. i would guess trauma holder for obvious reasons, but like. i have those memories too. most of them, i think? this is where it gets fuzzy. god. okay before i go any further i need to explain something

so i know classic DID involves wholly separate memories, which is why id classify myself under osdd-1b, i think? not that i have the authority to dx anything but you know. point is, memories are mostly the same across the board. but like, me, right now, i don't remember a huge chunk of second and third grade. there are certain things that i do remember happening that were traumatic, and ive been informed about other things that happened that i dont remember at all. and i will say the fact that there are things i dont remember is scary. learning about one thing that happened and having no memory of it??? terrifying. lol.

but there are fuzzy areas too, and when i try to dig into them, they get even fuzzier. not just memories but like, my whole brain shuts down. it gets really hard to think and form words. u know. dissociation. and thats really stressful to me, because ive always thought of myself as having a really good memory, and really good control over my own brain. so the fact that just wandering down a mental pathway can completely scramble me is pretty scary.

anyway the point is, i think hush lives in that fuzzy area. whenever she does front, its hard to think. i mostly just do stuff. i dont even really know what she does when she fronts. i mean if she goes away i can recall the things i was just doing "as her", but beyond that it just. i dont know. i think it would be interesting to get her to journal when she's fronting, just to see where exactly her head is at. i know she likes walking through the woods and being alone. the woods used to be my safe space as a kid. most of my childhood safe spaces are gone now, or they weren't physical places at all? like the basement is still there, but all my toys are gone, and i dont feel as safe down there anymore.

so i guess hush is kind of being ushered around in survival mode? there is no safe place for her, at least not by my standards. she can hang out in my room, or walk around in the woods, or even work on stuff in the basement if that's the case. i think she ends up in charge of a lot of hands-on art projects without me realizing, lol. but its always just a little bit off, like... its a little scary. i feel like a parent letting my kid run off and i just worry about her. which feels stupid, because she's still me, and its not like she's incapable of making rational decisions. idk i feel like i need to dig more into what "safe" means and why its important.

so like, i know that other systems have child alters. and i dont know what that means for them, in terms of like... where does your brain go when a child alter is fronting? because to me, its like. my brain gets kind of foggy. so its not that she needs to be protected because she "has the mind of a child" or anything, but she's off in her own world, and i dont really see her as capable of making the best decisions. so to me the safest place for her to be is alone. which, now that i think about it, is how i spent most of my childhood? playing in the woods or in the basement. thats all i really had. no neighborhood to run around in.

i dont really know what to do with her. right now, nothing feels safe enough for her, so if i step back and try to imagine what a safe life would look like for her specifically... i dont know. somewhere that just feels... safe???? i dont know how else to describe it. somewhere she can just exist without being afraid. and its different from like, me feeling safe. i mean im gonna use the term loosely, but i do feel safe in my own bedroom when everyone else is asleep. but i wouldnt consider that safe enough for hush. "safe enough" would be my own house. i cant get back the safety i had before, so ill have to make my own later. god im getting tired of talking but i need to finish this train of thought.

i think hush exists as a way to live in a muffled state. she likes to be alone, to work with her hands, to feel things like trees and rocks and textures. i would say she has a less connected way of processing the world around her. everything is just a little bit hazy, a little bit far away. so its better for her to be able to just do stuff, like playing outside or working on art projects. not much interesting in talking to other people, as far as i know.

i think the memory aspect is kind of interesting with her compared to the others. i talked about this already a little bit, but like. when adam is fronting, and being a dipshit, i can look back later and remember everything he did and said, even if it feels like something i would never do. hush on the other hand is harder to remember? like if there is any element of memory separation (?), it would be with her. like i said earlier, it would be interesting to get her to write in a journal or something for me to read when im not her. i genuinely cant access her head space. its weird. though i guess that is a more solid DID characteristic that makes me feel less like im just imagining her existence. i dunno. listen i got two hours of sleep last night, its 2:30am, and im starting to see little black shapes in my vision. i think i should stop here. interesting stuff. i think ill write on a sticky note or something for the next time she's around. i hope she knows her name.

[americasnexttopcadaver]

guess I’ll post about this now so I don’t post about it in the middle of the night so you don’t message me like “I own you btw” at 6:37am instead of a good morning text…..

I am thinking about the cameras and I am so excited and so horny and so terrified

everything with you has always been intense but the last week or so has been like the leadup to the degloving conversation almost, where I’ve felt like I am slowly losing some amount of control I’ve had until now and like in a roller coaster slowly slowly climbing to the top of a big drop and now I’m at the top staring down the drop waiting for it to come. when we put the cameras in that’s when I’ll fall.

I will actually be yours. like we say it during sex and everything but then things kind of go back to normal afterwards. yes I do what you tell me to but that’s mostly something I can forget about too. the last couple of weeks have been different since I’ve started getting dressed and sending you pictures every morning by the deadline. I didnt realize it would be different until I realized how much I looked forward to doing it and how much it’s changed little things about my life (like letting you know when I’m not going in to work, asking your permission to sleep in the first time I had overstaffing, even things like planning out my work outfits the night before so getting dressed in the morning goes faster. running late is no longer an option in my mind. if I did I know 100% I would do the punishment even though I do think I could get out of it easily (at least for now I could) but I wouldn’t even try. and just the psychological effect of having your power over me scheduled into my everyday routine like last night I didn’t want to tell you something and you just looked at me and got me to tell you. I feel like I would’ve argued more even a couple weeks ago) well that was a longer tangent than i planned to write about. but my point is that very little thing is already affecting me so much so how much is taking away my privacy and giving you the ability to watch me whenever you want to going to affect me???

my prediction is that I think it’ll have me on edge for the first couple weeks and I’ll keep thinking about you watching me and I’ll be like nervous and horny and that really lovely kind of uncomfortable that comes from having my defenses broken down and letting you cross a boundary I’d have with anyone else. and then eventually I’ll get used to it and relax into it and that’s the part I’m most excited for because then I’ll really fully belong to you. the best part of resisting (even and especially psychological resisting) is giving in at the end. I won’t have any secrets from you, even mundane ones like how I spend a quiet evening alone or what guilty pleasure tv shows/music I like or idk how often I clip my toenails or whatever the fuck. I’ll be accountable to you every moment of my life, not just in the mornings. sometimes now when I go home after we’ve had some really violent sex I feel sad bc I feel like you aren’t holding me more (energetically) but now I’ll never have to feel like that again because you’re about to hold me so tightly I’ll never get away.

and here’s the part that really scares me: giving you control over my mornings has actively improved my life. I get to work much earlier and on Tuesday when I got so excited to obey you I practically jumped out of bed to get dressed I ended up having a lovely slow morning where I could enjoy a cup of tea and didn’t feel rushed at all. I think giving you access to all my private moments will also improve my life. I won’t want you to see me slacking or living in a depression nest so I will have no choice but to live my life more intentionally. letting you have absurd amounts of power over me is actually very very good for me compared to not doing that and letting me be independent. and the implications of that are scary to me.

all that being said I’m very excited (enough to write a 5 paragraph essay days before the fact lol) and I’m also kind of sad it isn’t actually possible for you to chip me like a dog. I also wish you could watch me at work too, and at dance class, and when I go on walks or out to bars etc. I wish there was nowhere for me to get away from you ever. though I guess we’ll see how I feel about that when it becomes real lol

will I even be able to write on this blog once you can see me doing it? or will I feel too weird about the fact you can watch me. well I guess I can always write posts at like midnight because you’ll be asleep by then. and tbh even if I do feel weird I’ll have to push through it because I want to keep giving myself to you

weird note to end a post on ig but that’s all I have for now

[nym-wibbly]

I just skipped back to the start of Supernatural season five (from fourteen) to refresh my memory about how Nick/Lucifer's arc began. Accidentally landed on the scene in the hospital where Castiel, having picked his side at the end of S4, complains that he "killed two angels this week". Oh, bby.

The show's never delved deeply into that aspect of Castiel's storyline. He's feared and loathed by other angels but we've seen little of how he feels about that. Few characters can get a rise out of him under any provocation, so we just get occasional glimpses of his fear and anger when one of the Winchesters goes recklessly suicidal and makes Cas afraid his sacrifices are in vain and his faith misplaced. He needs to feel that it's been worth it and panics when that gets hard. He's killed so many of his own kind, both in combat and when he went nuclear at the start of S7. He's been significantly responsible for the genocide and near extinction of the angels, both through personal kills and through his epic hubris in seasons 6, 7, and 9.

He feels the guilt and shame, he undergoes atonement, and he learns to do and be better - but he keeps on killing angels when he needs to. All that slaughter, yet I truly believed him when he told Nick that it's the personal, human tragedy of Jimmy Novak and family - the unintended consequence of his ignorance and blind faith, his angelic innocence - that, metaphorically speaking, keeps Cas awake at night. That was just raw for him and Nick touched a nerve, while the fate of Heaven, in which he's taken a conscious part, is a dull burden that Cas carries and owns without outward displays of overwhelming emotion.

It ought to come over as a terrible, terrifying zealotry on Castiel's part - the kind that tips the balance from hero to antihero/villain, and the kind of cold absolutism he consciously walked away from at the end of S4 when Dean challenged him to choose between right and wrong instead of relying on blind faith, but it doesn't read that way. His self-doubt is infinitely more dangerous to bystanders - to his friends - than his righteous certainty.

When he succumbs to a dangerous anger in his private trauma, he has the insight to isolate himself, and when that fails, he has the self-awareness to stop short of beating the helpless Metatron to death because he can still draw a clear distinction between an enemy and a threat. He knows how dangerous he is and warns people when it's viable to do so. He does everything in his power to see that he's safely restrained when Rowena's slavering-killer spell overtakes him, when he knows the choice is going to be taken out of his hands. The rest of the time his self-control is epic. Even the tired, kind and caring dad!Cas of season 13/14 is first and foremost a soldier making a soldier's choices with a soldier's strategy, a defender rather than an aggressor. Somehow, even with the shocking death toll he's racked up, he's a protector figure, not something out of a nightmare. Just like the Winchesters.

It's like he's helpless to prevent his part in harming Heaven, even as he's the one stabbing and exploding his siblings all over the place. Mind you, the other angels never learn. They keep coming at him with pointy things and/or threatening the Winchesters, and when they do occasionally manage to take him off the board, Chuck puts him right back. As of S14, even Naomi seems to have grasped that making Castiel choose between his own kind and his adopted family isn't a survival strategy. I'm not optimistic that any of the angels (bar semi-angelic Jack, I guess) will be left standing by the series finale. The shape of the story seems to demand that they move over to make way for a better tomorrow - along with God. But if God's the one writing the story, it's unlikely to be that simple!

Poor (killy stabby fallen fratricidal) Castiel.