#and it's funny ive never seen his face and yet i have this clear idea of what he looks like in my head i have to remind myself thats just

[britneyshakespeare]

i think it’s been like a year since i last changed my icon so now you get a new picture of marianne faithfull from the 70s congrats

[fightxxmexxshiggy]

HOT DAY AND A TIRED MAN

This fic is dedicated to @lovelyladyraven for being my first ever paid commission.

Shouta Aizawa x fem reader

Tw:dangerous situation, breeding, OVERSTIMULATION

Word count: 3.5k

This was not how you had planned to spend your day. Your boss had decided that the roof needed to be cleaned on the second hottest day this summer! Of course you were the only one who had just finished up their task so he sent you to do it by yourself with a promise of sending the next available person up to switch with you soon. Instead you had spent two hours cleaning up dirt and shining the vents on a roof that no one but maintenance workers ever set foot on! Once you had seen how much time had passed you went to the door with every intention of stomping down the stairs and clocking out, not willing to do overtime just to clean a roof. But the knob wouldn't turn no matter how hard you pulled. You banged on the door a few times only to realize that one of the idiots that you work with had locked the door. Quickly you took out your phone and called the store phone no answer, then your boss's phone no answer, then you called the two other coworkers who had been working with you today. Not a single person answered you! You went over to the side of the building that looked over the parking lot seeing that all their cars were already gone from their usual spots. The bastards had left for the day and left you locked on the roof with no way to go home or even get water. You tried for another 30 minutes to reach your boss and coworkers only for them to start rejecting your calls. They did this on purpose. You went and sat in the shade of the roof door access and took a few calming breaths. You knew that they weren't going to come back until tomorrow and you also knew that they probably expected you to sit up here and cry waiting till morning for them to come and "save" you. So instead you looked up the number for the local fire department. Once someone picked up you heard a deep gravelly voice through the speaker. 

"Fire station 6 what can I help you with?" 

The man seemed tired and kind of put out but instead of apologizing for bothering him like your brain was screaming at you to do, you cleared your throat and spoke. You gave him a detailed rundown of your situation and explained that you would have called the emergency line first except your boss's wife worked the police directory and if he was locking you on the roof like this you were afraid that his wife would just not send anyone to help you. It was a small town and things like that were constantly looked over as long as you knew the right people. He hummed in agreement.

" That's sad but true. I know your boss and his wife well enough that you're probably 100 percent right about what they would do and how they would cover this up. They've done it before. Me and a few guys will be there in about 20 minutes to come get you down. Just keep calm and do your best to stay out of the sun until then we don't need you getting any more dehydrated than you already are."

He gave a quick goodbye and hung up. You breathed a sigh of relief knowing that you had chosen correctly when you called the fire station. You sat in the shade and tried to put a face to the voice of the tired firefighter who would be coming to free you from your rooftop prison. Like a fool you had never asked his name. As you thought about it you started to get a bit lightheaded. It had definitely been too long since you had any water. The heat was starting to get to you now that your adrenaline had stopped pumping so hard. With nothing else to do you layed down as much in the shade as you could and did a breathing exercise. During your exercise you must have blacked out because the next thing you knew you were being carried down the stairs in a set of strong arms. 

The person carrying you was speaking to you but you couldn't make out what they were saying over the fog that was covering your brain. You knew the sound of that voice though. It was the tired firefighter but he sounded a whole lot less tired and a whole lot more angry. You really hoped he wasn't angry at you. Maybe you were too heavy and he was annoyed at having to lug you down the stairs. With a weak hand you reached up maybe to apologize somehow, but ended up cupping his cheek. His stubble felt funny in your already funny feeling hand. He stopped walking at the feeling of your hand on his face. You still couldn't open your eyes so instead you mumbled a garbled sorry and proceeded to pass back out going limp. The last thing you heard was the tired firefighter yelling at someone, maybe you?

You woke up again this time to the feeling of something plastic on your face. Opening your eyes was still a bit too much for you so you listened and tried to figure out what was going on. You vaguely remember the tired voice you had spoken to before you felt light headed and the feeling of being carried. As you listened you could make out the sounds of machines. Slowly you took stock of your body. You were sore and kinda warm but you could move a little bit. You breathed deeply, finally realizing that the plastic was an oxygen tube. You were definitely in the hospital then. After a few more minutes your eyes were in good enough condition that you opened them to look around the room. When you did you saw someone slumped in the chair in the corner. This was incredibly strange since you had no family in this town. Doing your best you cleared your throat preparing to ask who they were. At your sound the person's head shot up, eyes wide. 

It was a man with tired eyes and long black hair that was on the scruffy side; it easily matched the stubble of a beard on his chin and cheeks. He stood up definitely tall enough to tower over you even when you were standing up yourself. The man walked to your bedside and took a deep breath before speaking. 

"It's good to see you awake little one. I was beginning to think you weren't going to wake up. I'm the firefighter you spoke to asking for help when you were on the roof. I have a lot to explain to you but I'm gonna call the doctor in and have them look you over before anything else."

He called out into the hall after that and a doctor and a nurse bustled into the room within minutes. Your throat was too dry to answer their questions so you stuck to little nods and head shakes as they began to check your vitals and adjust your iv drip. Once they were sure you were stable enough you were once again left with your savior and no voice to thank him with. He came closer and pulled the chair along with him to settle in for your conversation. 

"So you've been out of it for about 3 days. You got sunstroke while you were on the roof and your boss had double locked the door to get in and the door to the roof which slowed us down in getting to you. Your boss and his wife and your 2 coworkers have all been arrested. It was your boss's idea though apparently he kept hitting on you but you didn't give him the time of day so he wanted to teach you a lesson. His wife had your name flagged so that if you had called for help it would have given a dispatcher a notification to ignore you as a false reporter. His wife found out about his interest in you and was planning on making sure you were stuck on that roof all night. Your coworkers just went along with it because they didn't want to deal with your boss's anger."

Hearing all this pissed you off beyond belief. They could have killed you all because you would be a man's mistress and the man's wife would rather hurt someone than confront her husband. He looked at your face and patted your knee knowing there was nothing he could say that would make you feel any better about this. You looked up at him and grabbed his hand and brought it to your forehead, touching his knuckles there before placing a kiss on them. You were kind of happy that you couldn't really talk just yet because the blush on this man's cheeks was well worth the dry throat. He poured you a cup of water and handed it to you. You gave him a small smile and drank it gratefully. 

Eventually you could speak some and the two of you formally introduced yourselves. He was Shouta Aizawa, the fire station chief and local fire safety instructor for this area. He hadn't felt right leaving you alone after he had gotten you off the roof and found that you lived alone in this town. He came off very blunt and serious but you could see his deep kindness in his actions. The doctors came back in, cutting your conversation short and making Shouta go back to his spot in the corner. After a few more checks the doctors cleared you to go home the following day as long as you had someone to watch over you for the next three days till your follow up appointment was. You frowned cause you did have any close friends who could do that for you. As you pondered over it you heard Shouta's voice over the doctor's. 

"If you don't have a problem I can have you stay over in the guestroom at my house. I was already on a temp leave due to watching over you here so it wouldn't be much different with you at my house."

This man with a deep whiskey voice truly had a heart of gold. Not one to look a gift horse in the mouth you readily agreed. After you had been up a few more hours and had a little bit to eat, Shouta left with the promise of a freshly cleaned room waiting for you tomorrow. You fell asleep that night feeling more cared for than you ever truly had. You woke up again slightly disoriented and thirsty but in much better condition than you had been the day prior. It was early so you took your time shaking the numbness out of your limbs and getting back your bearings. The nurse came in fussing about you standing with calling anyone to be a catcher for you. She stopped fussing though when she realized that you were indeed stable enough to walk to the bathroom alone. 

Shouta had called the nurses station around 10 to let them know he'd be there by 12. With a few puppy dog looks you had a shower chair and an orderly who helped wash your hair and walk you back to bed. They had given you some hospital pajamas that you happily wore instead of the ugly gowns you had woken up in. You were clean and relaxed by the time Shouta had arrived to sign you out of the hospital. A nurse came around with a wheelchair and wheeled you down to the exit while the car was brought around. Shouta opened the door for the backseat but instead of giving you a hand to climb in he leaned down and scooped you out of the chair. Once you had been sat comfortably on the seat he shut the door leaving you with a moment to appreciate just how strong his arms were.

The drive to Shouta's home was relatively quick as is the way of small towns. His house was nice and seemed to be a cozy ranch style. After pulling into the garage you tried to get out yourself only to be caught up against a hard chest as your legs gave out the moment they were made to take your full weight. You looked up to see an exasperated glare. Part of your brain filled with chastised thoughts as the other filled with dirty thoughts. You really had to be better behaved when It came to your savior and benefactor but with him being so sinfully attractive it was kinda hard to do. Once again you were carried by the tired man this time into his home and deposited on the lone couch in his living room. He sat on his coffee table and faced you with a sigh. 

"You're really gonna have to rely on me for a few days brat. Your body is trying to heal and you pushing it as you just did isn't doing the process any favors."

You sighed and agreed with him. After a short conversation about a few things you might need from the store and checking about any food allergies he got ready and  headed to the store. You sat alone watching tv before clicking into his YouTube app to see what he watched most. A loud laugh burst from your chest as you realized that most of his watch history was full of cat videos and a few interviews with a local late night radio host. You watched the radio hosts videos thoroughly entertained by his boisterous personality. The next thing you knew you were being shaken awake by Shouta having fallen asleep with videos still playing on the tv. He helped you up and walked you to the bathroom and waited outside before scooping you up yet again. He was making it so damn hard not to think dirty thoughts when he kept carrying you around as if you were a small animal or something. Like sir the butterflies are in the stomach now but they will quickly fly south if you keep being so quietly sexy. A few hours later you were lying in bed when your thoughts finally got the best of you and had you touching your pussy as images of Shouta glaring down at you with his arms crossed showed behind your eyelids.

You had no idea how loud you were being as you rubbed your clit harshly, trying to get to the finish line. As you came you choked out his name. While you panted and came down from your high Shouta made his way back to his room quietly. He leaned back against his door and made a call before laying in his bed to jerk his very hard, very neglected cock. His brain kept replaying the sounds you made, the way you choked out his name as you came, how a satisfied little smile curled on your lips after you reached the finish line. He came with a growl, satisfied but not. He was definitely going to end up in trouble by the end of the week and he couldn't find it in himself to care. The following two days followed the same pattern, spending the day together and spending the night getting off to thoughts of the other in separate rooms. Though you were surprised to find that Shouta regularly walked around the house in nothing but sweatpants holding a full mug of coffee. On the fourth day you had become well enough to no longer need to be carried or walked everywhere. You were a little confused by Shouta's attitude as he had been glaring at the space above your head for most of the day. Finally tired of him doing this, you confronted him about it. You were not expecting his answer in the slightest. 

"I've spent the last three nights hearing you play with your pussy while calling my name, I'm hard enough to hammer nails and I can't get out any over this energy cause I'm supposed to be watching out for you. All I wanna do is fuck you till you lose your mind. me glaring above your head has been me doing my best not to seduce you like an asshole."

He said everything in such a deadpan manner that you couldn't help but laugh. Once you caught your breath you grinned at him and pulled your shirt off over your head. Sitting on his couch with your tits hanging free and your nipples hardening in the cool air you proceeded to play with them. You were immediately picked up and taken to his room before being dropped on the bed. Never let it be said that the tired man couldn't move fast as you were stripped of your remaining clothes before he stripped himself bare. He pulled you to the edge of his bed by your ankles and dropped to his knees, a fierce smile on his lips. 

"Been wanting to taste this bratty pussy for days. Bet it's as sweet as it looks."

His first lick was long. From your hole all the way over your clit. The squeak you let out at the feeling only made him more hungry. He spent what felt like an endless amount of time licking and thrusting his tongue as deep into your pussy as he could. By the time he finally gave your clit some much needed attention his chin was covered in pussy juice and your hole was fluttering as if it was seeking to be filled. Shouta teased you with a few small licks over your clit, making you whine and beg him to give you more. His arms wrapped around your thighs as he locked eyes with you and sucked your clit into his mouth. He sucked hard making you scream and thrash wildly. Your hands were buried in his hair as you squirted into his mouth. Your hips only stayed on the bed because of his strong arms keeping you in place. When he finally released your clit pussy juice was steadily leaking from your still twitching hole. 

"Oh did I break you already? You were so bold before and now you're just a mess. Think you can take my cock or do you want me to tuck you in for a nap."

The shit eating grin on his face was enough for you to pull his hair and glare at him. He sat up and shoved your wrists above your head to hold in one of his large hands. Slowly he worked his fat dripping cock into your almost too tight pussy. You whined and moaned his name as he finally bottomed out hitting your back wall. He stretched you more than you ever had been before but it was so damn good. Shouta started slow, one hand gripping your thigh as he ignored your demands for him to speed up.

"You're gonna take what I give you like a good girl or I'll just pull out and cum all over you right now."

That shut you up except for the constant stream of moans that left your throat. Just as you were finally getting used to being split by such a thick cock he changed his rhythm. Fast pounding thrusts that knocked the breath from your lungs were nearly constant. You didn't have enough breath to scream so you sobbed. Your half words were incoherent except for "sho please." Shouta leaned down and whispered in your ear as his thrusts once again spread up. He bit your ear lobe before making you lose your mind. 

"Such a tight little hole. I can't believe I had the strength to ignore it for three days. I could have at least eaten it while you laid back and rested. God I'm gonna have you for breakfast tomorrow." 

The utter heat in his words threw you over the edge making you cum so hard you began to shake. He growled as your pussy clenched down on him. Shouta sunk his teeth into the pillow by your head before shoving his cock against your cervix and shooting his cum against it. As soon as he finished cuming he started to thrust again. No slow start this time, just hard pounding thrusts that made you wail in pleasure. It didn't take long for you to cum again but Shouta lasted longer this time entirely fucking his cum out of you before finally cuming inside again just as deep as the first time. 

He pulled out and laid down next to you before pulling you on to his chest. You both panted trying to breathe like normal human beings again. Right as your breathing evened out you heard a voice from the doorway. And looked up to see the blonde radio host trailing his eyes over the two of you.

"I told you you wouldn't make it till I got home sho."

[cryptid-killjoy]

End of Summer Cook Out

It was finally the end of summer cookout at Belle’s castle. Beast still hadn’t shown face since Dale showed his. Dale did a lot of soothing over the woman considering he felt a little responsible for her losing her job and destroying her reputation. She lost half of her friends over it. She was trying to salvage what she could. However, Dale had always been up front as he told his father. He never hid his intentions of them being for fun. There’s always that gal who says she’s in it to have a good time and then gets swept away and expects more. That was Belle. 

Is Belle. 

This was the day Belle gets the shock of her life as Dale shows up with a Plus 1 from camp named Justine - He said he’d help plan it and make sure the grills got manned and the weed was stocked (Thank you Wulf.) Dale will claim he never said he’d be Belle’s date. There will be a public argument front and center for anyone who showed up early. Belle would be yelling, “But, your name is on the damn invitations, Dale!” 

Where he would again say, “Yeah, because I helped plan it and invited my friends to your yard, for your food, and my weed. Our cookout. Plus 1.” 

Flotsam would get to witness this because they’d want to get there early to find the best out of the way place to set themselves up and still get to people watch and hopefully see Tree. They’d find a nice shady spot under a willow tree not far from the house in case they had to get inside for the bathroom or air conditioner. 

The other guests would come paired as: 

Chip & Brigitte

River & Elsa

Scout & Dedra

Summer & Fig

The Dads 

Delta & Frank & Tree

Mr. Kenny & Professor Dana (drama)

Agnes & Bastien

Pierre & Ellie (Seven will consider crashing later, but he won’t come with Pierre & Ellie) 

Piper & Willem

Kuzco & Clopin

Wulf & a Sherwood actress of random until I name her :P

Little John and some other merry men

Eeyore & Soren

Robin & Marian

Arthur & Lance come as buds

Koda & Mulan because somehow Koda thought he’d still try

Zero & Victor

Madame Medusa & Cap’n Hook (Willem will have no idea)

Taryn & Declan

Iain & ?

A few of the Beagle family Dale knows

Triton and Sally

This was still Beast Castle so if you weren’t on the list you weren’t getting in. Belle had one Magisterium keeper to help with the door and play bouncer just in case. When Dale sees it’s Xigbar he’s going to be very happy he came with someone and pissed her off because that crossed a line for him. 

The drama starts there. Dale would come over to Flotsam and Thomas under the willow waiting for things to get started when Xig showed up. 

“Can you believe this shit? Fucking Fuckbar.” 

Dale’s grudge was a thousand miles wide over his mother telling him to go to Xigbar for answers back when the school was closed down. 

“When I suggested some of her pals from school to see who’s true I didn’t fucking mean Fuckbar.” 

Flotsam sat back with their IV and first bottle of suds and grinned over at Thomas. This was why they had to come. All the drama, it wasn’t going to be theirs for once, and they could just sit back and enjoy the show. Flo couldn’t even be mad anymore. They had Thomas. The Cinderella grudge felt long gone even if it was alive and well for Dale right now. Flo was almost home free in New Zealand. They didn’t have to get wrapped up in any of this shit. Now this was the life. 

“I don’t know what to tell you, babe.” Flo would say to Dale. “Enjoy your party and cut the cunt off? Or don’t?” 

Flotsam was still half giggling over seeing Belle upset over Justine from camp. But, when Flo waved to say their hellos to her they found it highly interesting all they kept asking about was, “When is River getting here?” Later in the conversation she’d say, “Have you seen River yet?” Three times in a 5 minute conversation she would ask if any of them knew when River could get there. 

While Dale was bitching about Xigbar and Belle and even eventually went off to help Wulf and his girl over by the grill his won plus 1 only seemed to be there to see someone else. People should be knocking at the door any time now. 

As she toddled off to ask someone else if they knew when River was going to be there Flo leaned into Thomas, “You caught that right? This whole BBQ is going to combust and none of them know it yet and we’ve got front row seats.” 

Flotsam was already high as a kite despite Jesula’s warnings not to push it when they’re finally getting better. But, Flo was Flo and it was a party. They busted out laughing about that girl’s eyes being all over that damn yard, but at Dale. Belle’s eyes were unable to focus on anything but Dale while trying to make him jealous of Xigbar while it was clear Dale was refusing to even bat an eye in either of their directions. 

Wulf was already manning the grill and showing off for a girl the Laveau’s didn’t know, probably from Sherwood, helping out. He was one of the early birds since he stocked Dale in green. 

Zero and Victor would roll in and so would Little John and some of the other merry men. The back courtyard was about to start filling in, so Dale flipped up some music as Zero talked Victor into an awkward looking game of tether ball. Zero would keep doing all this all night, luring Victor into yard games like croquet and badminton because it was funny to watch him try, and Victor would do anything to make Zero happy. The merry men would be discussing spits and open fire pits for roasting having fun with teasing the modern grills. 

[yeojaa]

one of the first things ive ever read of yours was the 'read 6:45' it made me bawl my eyes out during 12 am 😭 could i please request a follow up drabble for it?

[ read "i love you.” read: 6:45 pm ]

pairing.  jjk x f!reader.  rating.  general.  tags.  frustrating among us play, kook being cute, etc.  wc. 0.9k.  beta reader.  n/a.  author note.  i’m so sorry this is so late but i hope you enjoy this!  i wanted to keep it kind of light and silly, since the original was...  sad and then silly?  also, this was heavily inspired by this twitter post.

Dating Jungkook is kind of like free-falling from an airplane.  (Not that you’ve ever done that.)  It’s exhilarating and fun and sometimes, downright terrifying.  You suppose it comes with the territory of being with someone like him - effortlessly cool, collected, capable of turning every no into a yes. 

You’d seen it in action during your time as friends.  Watched him woo women and dunk on dudes, somehow scrap an A in a class you both attended where you’d barely gotten a B.  (You’re still a little salty about that.)  He’d even, somehow, wormed his way into your favourite bartender’s heart, on speed dial any time you and your girlfriends had a little too much fun.  Really - just do things you’d formerly thought impossible and with that dumbass grin on his face, confidence rolling off him in waves. 

You really shouldn’t have expected you’d fare any better, be able to deny him when so many others had failed. 

“Babe.  Babe.”  There’s that goofy smile, bunny toothed and adorable.  “C’mon— it’ll be funny.”

You level him with a look in your mirror - one that screams no, it’s not - but he just keeps beaming at you in the reflection, eyes so sparkly you want to tear your own hair out.  “Maybe to you,”  you retort, slicking brow gel on, mouth rounded in a little ‘o’. 

“No!  To everyone!”  Your boyfriend is insistent, curling across your back like drapery, chin resting upon your shoulder.  He bats his lashes at you, sways you back and forth in his arms.  

“A third imposter is so stupid.”  Also, because you’re bad at impostering as is.  (You always forget which room is where and you can never answer when people ask which fake tasks you’ve been doing.)  You don’t think you could properly third imposter if you tried.  “Just win the old-fashioned way, you dummy.”  Not like Jungkook isn’t already stupidly good at fooling everyone, going so far as to admit he was the imposter and yet somehow still win.  

“But it’s funny!”  Which you suppose is what it comes down to.  Your boyfriend doesn’t particularly care about winning - it’ll likely happen anyway - but he wants to put your friend group through hell.  Make them all doubt each other as he cackles maliciously in the background.  

(Because he does that.  Laughs so long and hard it’s embarrassing, arms thrown around his head as he revels in the chaos he’s unleashed.)

“Whatever.”  It’s a lost cause.  Once he has his mind set on something, it’s nearly impossible to turn him off the idea.  Whether it’s craving corn pizza at 3 AM, forcing everyone to try the bald head Snapchat filter, or doubling his one-rep squat max - he’s as stubborn as an ox.

“Are you kidding me!”  

You watch in horror - anger, exasperation - as your little blue character gets shot through the head, the eggplant imposter tearing off in the opposite direction.  You don’t know the map well enough to know how likely it is your body will be found or how easily someone will figure out who the murderer is.  Are there cams on this map?  (God, you really need to pay better attention when you play.)

All you know is frustration, glare furrowing your brows.

Somewhere, past the closed door of his bedroom, you hear Jungkook laughing.  He’s like Ed the hyena, snickering loudly, clearly pleased.  Then your body is reported.  By your boyfriend.  Your purple-suit wearing boyfriend.

(He’s with Taehyung, dressed in green with a little companion chasing after him.) 

“Who killed my girlfriend?!”  He has the audacity to sound devastated, voice pitching three octaves as he all but shouts into his headset.

There’s a chorus of not me’s from the group, people discussing among themselves who could’ve possibly killed you in cold blood - left you to rot in the tree room.  (That’s what it’s called, right?)  No one even seems to notice how quiet Jungkook is now, likely tapping the tips of his fingers together like an evil genius.

You want to scream, shout, send him straight to the shadow realm.  You cannot believe he’s getting away with this, playing the part of an indignant boyfriend so well.  It’s absurd, really.  

“I can clear JK.  He was with me.”  Of course Taehyung’s in on it.  That, or he’s just as chaotic as his friend.  (Both are believable.)  You’ve seen the blond accuse everyone under the sun, playing third imposter better than the goddamn imposters themselves.  There was something about him, his uncanny ability to cast doubt on anyone. 

(Conversely, he could make anyone believe him.  And by anyone, you meant Jimin.  The two never turned against each other.  Ever.)

“I didn’t see Jimin anywhere,”  comes Yoongi’s slow drawl.  It sounds like he’s just woken up from a nap, syllables rounded and sleepy.  You wouldn’t be surprised if Jimin had been following after his hyung and Yoongi had simply been too tired to notice.  Something something life of a bartender something. 

“I saw Jimin across the map right as it happened.”  There’s Namjoon, ever the reasonable one, humming thoughtfully.  (Reasonable, but still suspicious.  He was notoriously bad for drawing out votings, calling emergency meetings again because he hadn’t had a chance to consider every possibility.)  “And he wasn’t near a vent, so I think he’s okay.”  A pause,  “but you never know.”

There’s a collective groan - Hoseok’s bubbling laughter cuts through it - and the next round begins. 

[detectiveidiotboy]

His Time In The Commonwealth IV: Danse

so as my beloved fanfiction, The Black Widow’s Waltz, comes to an end, i’ve decided that i am going to re-release the backstory chapters as their own stand-alone fic, since they read well as their own story. before that, i thought i might do a fun little thing where i release each of the companions backstories as their own post here on tumblr under the tag #his time in the commonwealth.

i had to take a break from posting for mental health and to deal with some things in my home life, but i'm back now! and with me comes the continuation of this mini-series. now, on to part 4!!! Danse's story.

The walk from Listening Post Bravo to Nordhagen Beach took three days. Had Danse been in top shape and traveling in his power armor, he was certain he could have made the trip in less than two, but speed wasn’t a priority in this mission; this was a pilgrimage.

It had been twelve weeks since his banishment, eighteen days since he’d last had contact with Nate, and seven since the Prydwen had been destroyed.

Danse had only learned about the attack the day before his journey began as he was attempting to trade with a nearby settlement. Nate had been his only source of supplies since he’d begun his self-imposed isolation, and since Nate had stopped showing up to visit, Danse had been left to ration his dwindling supplies until there wasn’t anything left to eat. He had considered allowing himself to starve to death down beneath the earth - continuing his existence was a waste of resources now that he wasn’t even able to serve Nate or the Brotherhood - but that plan only lasted two days after his last meal.

Nate had told Danse to stay alive. Nate had given him orders to care for himself until he returned because Danse was special to him. Danse understood what he was: he was a tool, a synth, a man-made creation meant to serve and obey humankind. If he could not be of use to the Brotherhood directly, then the next best thing he could do was dedicate himself to serving one of their best. Really, if he were honest, the idea of being Nate's personal synth wasn't unappealing to Danse. If anything, it wasn't fair to Nate that Danse be kept around to tempt him into violating Brotherhood rules. Sexual relations with machines was strictly prohibited, as was homosexuality, but Nate carelessly disregard both rules when it came to Danse, and Danse couldn't be more grateful. He was an abomination, therefore it wasn't his place to question a human such as Nate; Nate wanted him alive, and in good health, and because of that Danse had packed a bag with the few things he had to trade and walked to Tenpines Bluff.

As soon as Danse arrived, he was met with guns and suspicion.

“Stay back,” The settler warned, warding Danse back with the barrel of a rifle. “We don’t want nothin’ to do with you or your freak of a friend.”

Danse had been aware that Nate had a… reputation around the Commonwealth. He’d been a witness to several violent (bordering on psychotic) outbursts from the man. However, he had accompanied Nate several times to this particular settlement, and the people there had never been hostile before.

“I… am sorry for any confusion,” Danse said, licking his lips. He was severely out of practice after two weeks of near-total solitude, “Paladin Nate is not accompanying me at this time.”

The settler narrowed their eyes at Danse. “You…  don’t know where he is, do you?”

“I have not had contact with Nate in weeks,” He confirmed. The sights came down after a moment of deliberation and the settler sighed.

“Jesus, I’m sorry,” They stretched their head with a hand. “Look. You just missed your buddies, but you should probably keep clear of them - they seemed to think you might have teamed up with Nate when the ship was attacked.”

“Ship? Which ship?” Danse felt his stomach drop, the pieces of the puzzle having presented themselves yet he dare not assemble them.

“The big one you lot got up by Nordhagen,” They said, expression turning from tired to something almost pitying. “You really don’t know what happened? The whole ship was blasted out of the sky. Damn near everyone in Boston had to have seen it - what, have you been livin’ under a rock for the past week?”

“There was an attack on the Prydwen?” Danse asked, taking a panicked step forward. The settler adjusted their grip on the rifle and Danse reminded himself that even without power armor, he was a large and unfamiliar man to these people. “When? Who?”

“About five days ago, I think,” The settler said. “We just heard about it when the survivors came through and raided our supplies - grilled me and my wife for hours about everything we knew about Nate.”

Danse’s heart stopped beating, he was certain of it. Why would the remaining Brotherhood want to know about Nate? The answer was obvious, blindingly so, but Danse couldn’t bring himself to even think it. Nate was Brotherhood, through and through - it was not the place of an Institute machine to question the loyalty of a flesh-and-blood human dedicated to the betterment of humanity.

Swallowing, Danse forced himself to put on a brave face and ask his question. “Was Paladin Nate there at the time of the attack?”

The settler actually laughed, though the question wasn’t funny and neither was his answer. “Was he there? I’m sorry but if what your pals said was true, he was the one that blew the damn thing up.”

Danse had ended up leaving his supplies with the settlers. There was at least 250 caps worth of ammo and scrap in the sack, but it would just weigh him down on his journey. The settlers insisted that he at least stay for dinner and leave in the morning, but Danse saw the state of their garden after the Brotherhood had been through and politely declined. It would be a waste to force humans to part with anything valuable to sustain the functionality of an obsolete machine. He had completely forgotten his hunger anyways; all that mattered to Danse was finding out if what he’d been told was true.

By the time he was close enough to see the empty spot in the sky where the Prydwen should be, he had his answer. Travelers, settlers and raiders alike had confirmed the story with identical depictions of events. According to the few witnesses left, Nate had walked onto the bridge of the ship with a gun and, without speaking to anyone, began assassinating high-ranking members of the Brotherhood, starting with Elder Maxson. The bloody massacre ended with Nate walking into the engine room and detonating an explosion - one that most likely came from the very mini-nukes that Danse had helped Nate secure.

Danse had tried to withhold judgment - he should wait to hear what Nate had to say. The descriptions all came second hand, after all. The Brotherhood survivors had all either retreated or were being treated in what was left of the major settlements. And the description of Nate that he was being given didn’t sound like his friend, his trainee, his partner one bit.

Except…

When Paladin Danse first met Nate, he had been backed against the wall by several hundred feral ghouls threatening the lives of his scouting team. While he would likely be fine so long as the fusion core in his armor held, Hayen and Rhys were vulnerable. He’d already watched the ghouls descend on Keane, tackling the knight in waves. Danse had shot them down, but it was too late. Keane never came back up.

So when Nate walked into the scene, rocket launcher in hand, and blew half of the mob to dust before Danse could finish warning his team to check their fire, he had been inclined to ignore the sinister, psychotic look of glee that Nate wore as he ripped apart the ghouls. Hell, Danse had delighted in it, feeling his men had been avenged. The moment the battle was over and those steel-blue eyes locked onto his, Danse knew he had found someone special.

Nate’s reputation hadn’t quite formed yet, but from the handful of missions that Danse accompanied him on it was clear to tell he would make a fine soldier. He was resilient and a fast shot; anything that stood in his way he took down. It was as if the man was made for the Brotherhood.

Danse offered Nate knight-ship several times before he was taken up on his offer. Nate rarely came to visit when he was in Cambridge, and when he did it was almost always to trade or ask for spare jobs to make a few extra caps. It was only when the Prydwen came rolling through that Nate seemed to seriously consider Danse’s offer. It was strange - Danse feeling honored for Nate to join his ranks rather than the other way around.

Nate made him feel a certain way, something he hadn’t felt since Cutler. Danse could watch Nate fight for hours, muscles flexed under his vaultsuit as he clubbed in the head of a ghoul or gunning down a cluster of synths. His nights were often spent imagining exactly what it would look like if it was his neck that Nate was crushing between those smooth hands and not some random raider. It was foolish, and wildly inappropriate behavior as Nate’s sponsor.

Maybe that was what made him overlook some of the man’s more obvious flaws.

By the time Nate was inducted into the Brotherhood, his reputation as a ruthless and cunning man had become fairly well known. Maxson was willing to overlook Nate’s violent past thanks to a combination of Danse’s vouching and the fact that most of Nate’s targets were shared with the Brotherhood. He had infiltrated and collapsed the Railroad, dismantled the Institute's hold over Diamond City, and struck down the mayor of a mostly-ghoul city in east Boston. His methods were harsh, but they were necessary - at least, that’s what Danse told the Elder.

“Still,” Elder Maxson had said. “It’s best we keep an eye on him. I’m not sure if our new recruit’s heart is in the right place.”

“Believe me, sir,” Danse had told him, “I would trust Knight Nate with my life.”

“That may be so…” Maxson said, “but I still have my doubts. It’s best not to take the word of a known liar at face value, and Nate has quite the reputation of betrayal.”

The truth had been there the entire time. Danse recalled the first time he had met someone who knew Nate outside of the Brotherhood, a young woman by the name of Curie. It had been shortly after the destruction of the Railroad and just before his induction into the Brotherhood. She had seemed nervous around Nate, agreeing a little too quickly to what he said and keeping her eyes on him the entire time. Haylen had taken to her rather quickly, both girls having bonded over shared medical knowledge, and Danse remembered well what she had to say when asked if she liked traveling with Nate.

“Oh- o-oui… I mean…” Her fingers tightened around the cup of tea she had been sipping at. “Monsieur is… complicated, in his motives. I am sure he has good reasons for what he is doing… I simply must trust him. He has done so much for me already.”

Danse had felt her words were foolish. She was lucky to have so much of the man’s attention, and it seemed strange that she didn’t recognize that. Less than a week later Danse watched as Nate dragged her into an abandoned shack, barred the door, and set the house on fire. Later, Nate informed Danse that the girl had been a synth and that he was only doing as the Brotherhood instructed of him. Danse had been forced to agree - despite the vast wealth of knowledge that Curie held, her existence was far too dangerous to be tolerated.

The screams that came from the house as the woman burned alive haunted Danse no matter how many times he reminded himself they were from an artificial being. For a while he wondered if synths could simulate humanity so closely as to feel pain; he had his answer now, he supposed. That girl had died in agony.

The Nate described to Danse during his expedition to the beach was far closer to the Nate in those memories than the idealized soldier that Danse had stuck in his head. The Nate who had eyes like Cutlers and spoke to him as if he were human, even after his synthetic nature was revealed. The Nate who had kissed him in the center of the old radio station on their first official mission into the Commonwealth. The Nate who would disappear for months at a time and then reappear at a moment’s notice, ready to drag Danse along on whatever new quest had taken his fancy. The Nate who never slept in the same bed as Danse after he came around for a quick fuck. The Nate who was rumored to have murdered his girlfriend a year prior. The Nate who had set his previous partner on fire when he was done with her, then walked across the field to press a loving kiss to Danse’s lips as she died. The Nate who had promised Danse to be there for him after his exile only to leave him to waste away in solitude. The Nate who had destroyed the Prydwen.

They were all the same Nate.

When Danse finally made it to the airport, he was surprised by just how familiar it seemed. The carnage had been mostly scraped away by local settlers, leaving behind only the hollowed out remains of training camps and supply stations. The opportunity for a new settlement hadn't been lost on the local population; by the time Danse arrived there were already the makings of several homes under construction. Upon arrival Danse was recognized by his uniform and a handful of the new settlers offered him their condolences. He was shown the way to the resting place for those who had been recovered - little more than a mass grave dug behind the airport marked with scattered crosses and hung holo-tags. It was more than Danse had been expecting. The locals he had met in this area before had despised the Brotherhood with a passion - the fact that they hadn’t just left the bodies to rot while looting everything they could hold from the abandoned stores was a genuine surprise. He walked along the grave sights, checking the tags for names he recognized. He found several, but Haylen and Rhys weren't among them. Whether that meant they were still alive or among the hundreds of nameless casualties, Danse would never know.

Danse turned away gifts of food and offers for a place to rest. His body was at its limit, exhausted and starving, but anything put into it now would be a waste. All of this destruction and death was because of him; he was not the victim, but rather the perpetrator. Danse intended to answer for his sins against humanity.

After politely asking for a moment alone from the concerned settlers, Danse left to walk through the empty airport. He had hoped that there would be something left of the Prydwen on land for him to do this in, but the majestic ship was resting with many of her inhabitants at the bottom of the bay. So Danse found the next best place - the first-story storage area that had been cleared out. He retrieved his pistol from his jacket pocket and knelt down before pressing the end of the barrel to the hollow of his temple.

“I am asking for you to do the human thing here, Knight,” Danse pleaded, knees on the cold, damp ground of the listening post.

“And I’m telling you I don’t want to,” Nate had argued, stubborn as ever. “I like you, Danse, synth or not. I’m not ready to give you up just yet. I need you to stay alive.”

The words had felt so kind at the time. Danse, who was nothing more than a machine lamenting the loss of what it had never really owned, had leaned into those words. They became his anchor, his world, his reason- no- his excuse to keep on living. Looking back on them after seeing the graves of his fellow soldiers - some hung with the hats of squires who were too young to have been given tags yet - he saw those words for what they were: selfishness. Nate acted for his own sake. He served no one but himself, and he had used Danse in every conceivable way. What else should Danse have expected? It was the nature of a machine to be useful to those who took advantage of it.

Danse was a foolish, treacherous, malfunctioning thing, but the very last act he would commit would be a human one. If reincarnation was something that existed for synths, he hoped he would get a chance someday to be more than just a cheap imitation of humanity.

“You know, I’m not an expert with pistols or anything, but I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to put that end there.”

The gun dropped from Danse’s forehead. He unclenched his eyes and turned to face the newcomer.

“Mind your own business, Scavver,” Danse said wearily, though still managing to push through some of his commanding tone from a previous life, if only so he didn’t prolong this longer than necessary. He could already feel his resolve wavering.

“Aw, come on, man,” The person in the doorway stepped into the room, arms stretched out behind his head in a relaxed pose. A pair of mirrored sunglasses reflected Danse’s haggard appearance back at him. “Haven’t the guys around here had to bury enough bodies this week? Why add to the trauma?”

Danse’s eyes narrowed, but he did stand up and put this pistol back in his pocket. “You make an excellent point,” He said, headed for the door. “I will relocate myself to a more remote location as not to disturb the population.”

“Thaaaat’s not quite what I meant,” The man blocked the exit with an arm and refused to stand down, even as Danse towered over him. “Actually, I have a proposition for you - nothing weird - I promise-” He said, holding out his hands in a show of good faith. Danse used the opportunity to sidestep the stranger and walk out of the old hanger and into the hallway. The man scurried behind him. “So, I can imagine what is going through your mind right now - who is this guy? How did he get to be so handsome? Why doesn’t he want me to blow my brains out in an old-world aircraft hangar?”

Danse ignored the man, which did nothing to stop his ranting.

“In order - My name is Deacon, I moisturize daily, and I want you to join my super awesome resistance movement to take down the rat bastard known as the Sole Survivor of Vault 111-” Danse stopped dead in his tracks. “-though I suppose you were close enough to know him as Nate, right?”

Danse turned to look over the man - Deacon, as he claimed to be. He was bald, as evidenced by his ill-fitting wig sagging just enough to show his absent hairline. He was dressed like a civilian, but up close Danse could see the ballistic armor plates hidden under his flannel shirt. There was a look about him that Danse recognized from some of the scribes, specifically the ones who had been tasked with recon. His eyes twitched at Danse's every movement, and the slight tremor in Deacon's fingers pointed him in the direction of a pistol tucked into the stranger's pants line. In short - Danse’s summary of the man was that there was more to him than just a scavenger with delusions of grandeur.

Still, he turned back around.

“Even if what you are saying is true, I cannot in good conscience accept your offer,” Danse said, continuing his long walk. Deacon kept up pace beside him.

“Really? You’re still loyal to him even after he turned half of your buddies into flaming corpses?”

Danse felt rage hit him in a wave, but years of emotional control stayed his hand. Still, he faltered in his gait. “Nate is dead to me," He said with all the contempt he had left in him. "Should I have the opportunity I would gladly put that monster down myself. My issue is not with your cause, but rather with myself. I am a synth. Taking me into your organization would be too great of a security risk.

“Oh, right, that. Yeah, I already know about that, don’t worry,” Deacon said flippantly. Danse pushed open the double doors leading to the exterior of the airport, and despite letting the doors fall back on Deacon, the man kept following. “I asked a whole bunch of the Brotherhood guys if they wanted to join up, but most of them turned tail and headed back to the capital. But there was always this one guy who they kept mentioning, yeah? A pal of Nate's who turned out to be a synth. The guy was supposedly still running around in the Commonwealth, one M7-97.” Danse took a deep breath, hating every second he spent listening to this man speak. “That’s you right? See, I figured if I hung around here long enough I’d see you. Nate isn’t exactly… good to his friends when he’s done with them. And I’d say blowing up the Prydwen was about as done as done gets.”

“As stated, I am no longer affiliated with him,” Danse said, pausing at the water’s edge when he realized there was no shaking the persistent little pest. “If you are looking for intel on his current location, I have nothing to offer you. Last contact was precisely eighteen days ago at Listening Point Bravo.”

“Oh nah, I didn’t expect anything like that,” Deacon said, coming up beside Danse. He reached down for a rock in the sand and skipped it along the bay. “I just figured joining up with us might be a decent enough alternative to suicide.”

“It is not suicide, it is turning off a broken machine,” Danse clarified. He couldn’t see the man’s eyes, but he was almost certain that Deacon rolled them behind his glasses.

“Well, when that machine is sentient, we call it suicide,” He said with a sigh. “Look, man, I know what you’re going through, believe me.”

Danse’s eyes narrowed, no longer able to keep his contempt from his face. “How could you possibly know that? The Brotherhood was humanity’s best hope for a better future, and because of my malfunction its ranks have been compromised, possibly irreparably.”

Deacon fell down onto his ass, stretching out so his bare feet were caught by the waves as they lapped the shore. “I know 'cause you’re not the only one he’s stabbed in the back,” Deacon said, looking out across the water. “I was part of the Railroad.”

Danse’s neck snapped to the side, looking down at the man. His mouth opened in a prepared lecture about the folly of mistaking synths for human beings and the role of the Railroad in humanity’s doom, but he saw Deacon remove the sunglasses from his face and for the first time he was looking into the other man’s eyes.

“Nate took us out in the dead of night. No one saw it coming,” Deacon continued. “He was a new agent, but the higher-ups put a lot of faith in him, because someone they trusted had recommended him - me.” Deacon looked back towards the waves, propped up with his hands behind him. “Look, I’m not gonna sit around and babysit you. If you want out, there isn’t much I can do to stop you. But right now, I’ll be honest, the only thing keeping me going is revenge, and that’s a hell of a lot better than being dead.”

Silence fell between them. Danse had no idea what to say to all that. On the one hand, he was perfectly happy with the destruction of a dangerous underground movement such as the Railroad, and on the other, the parallels between his and Deacon’s story were not lost on him. Danse knew that the right thing to do was to decline Deacon’s offer - possibly even take the synth sympathizer down with him before he caused any more harm - and continue with his plan to terminate his existence.

But Danse didn’t want to die, or whatever one would call it when a synth ceased to be. And more than that, he didn’t want Nate to keep on living. There were hundreds of people on that ship - men, women, children . Not all of them were good, Danse was well aware of the unsavory types that were often attracted to the military lifestyle, but none of them deserved to die the way they did only to end up buried hundreds of miles from home in a mass grave.

Maybe it was selfishness, maybe it was revenge, maybe it was raw, human (or at least human-like) emotion, but Danse finally came to his decision with a decisive nod of his head.

“Okay.” He said. “Tell me what you need me to do.”

[ablackfangirlwrites]

A/n: a new parr to this mini series!! Yay this one focuses more on kuroo ao theres something exciting!! I hope y'all enjoy this one too! Also always a big shout out @ayocee for being such a big help and inspiration for me as ive been writing this!

part 1

part 2

Humiliated. Embarrassed. Angry. Betrayed, and heartbroken. Those were all the words that describe what you felt after you saw Daichi with his girlfriend. 

Since that day you had been trying your best to stay clear of him. Yes, you saw him in class but you avoided him. And after the few times he tried to speck to you, and you walked right passed him he gave up.  You were determined not to give him any more of your time. Because what could he say to make you feel better? What explanation could he give you that would make you forgive him? You were sure you were in love with him, and you were sure he felt the same about you. He was supposed to be different, Yet he had been lying to you the whole time. 

In all honestly, to say he only broke your heart didn’t really didn’t cover it. Because you had fallen for him harder than anyone else before. 

-Y/n I know you’re upset but let me explain

You stared at the last text he sent you way longer than you cared to admit. It had been weeks. Yett, you were conflicted; you didn’t want anything to do with him. Not anymore. He didn’t deserve you. That’s what your best friend had told you once you returned to your dorm crying that day. 

And you knew they were right.  

But that didn’t mean it was easy to ignore him though. Even though you wanted nothing to do with him. A part of you that didn’t want to admit it wanted that answer, why did he lie to you? Was you really just a game to him? Did any part of him like you at all? But you knew the likelihood of being told something that would make you feel better was low. So why bother? It was useless. So you didn’t say anything to him. 

And you just went about your own life.

-

“Hey, Y/n.” 

You heard someone call your name one day as you sat in the coffee shop studying. This was where you did all you studying now; because being in the library was too much, it was only a reminder of all the times you and Daichi had fooled around in there, and you couldn’t take the embarrassment of seeing his friends and other people who knew you were with him.

At least here you didn’t have any memories with anyone, and no one recognizes you here, at least up until now. 

You looked up from your notes to see who had called you only to frown when you saw him.

Tetsuro Kuroo.

You rolled your eyes and went back to your notes, The last time you saw him was the day you found out the truth about Daichi. Up until now, you had been doing good by not bumping into Daichi and his friends. And you were glad, cause no doubt they had to have been laughing behind your back the whole time. Knowing that Daichi was in a relationship with someone else but playing with you. No wonder they always seemed so strange whenever you were around. 

“It’s been a while,” You heard him say with a smirk in his voice. But you ignored him while continuing with your notes.

Kuroo huffed out a sigh, “Okay, I sorta deserve that.” 

You shot him a glance but didn’t say anything.

Kuroo started to set his things down at the table across from you. “Look I knew what Daichi was up too, but didn’t say anything. You have to understand it really wasn’t my place to say anything. He’s my friend after all-” 

“What makes you think I want or need your apology?” You snap at him.

Kuroo smirked, “Good point. I just thought it was a nice thing to do...I feel bad about it” He said sitting down.

“If you really felt bad, you wouldn’t have let me make a fool of myself.” You told him, “And who said you could sit here?” 

“Well, no one said I couldn’t sit here,” He said with that smirk never leaving his face.

But you weren’t amused. “Kuroo what do you want? If this is something about Daichi, I’m really not interested. I don’t want anything to do with him anymore. Or you.” You told him straight up. You had been doing good by not thinking about Daichi lately, and you wanted things to stay that way. And deep down you knew if you were talking to Kuroo, Daichi couldn’t be far away. And you didn’t want to relapse into all that heartbreak again. 

Kuroo’s smile went away, and he sighed deeply, “If it’s gonna bother you that much I’ll move.” And with that, he got up and gathered his things, “But for the record,” He spoke up before he left. “Me talking to you doesn’t have anything to do with Daichi.” And with those words, he went to another table leaving you alone.

-

“Yeah, I’d stay clear of that asshole.” Your bestie told you after you told them everything that happened when you got back to your dorm. “If he had anything to do with Daichi I wouldn’t trust him at all.” 

And you agreed with her whole heartily. As far as you were concerned you were officially done with guys right now. They were all liars and heartbreakers; even the good ones, and you didn’t have any more time for them.

But that all turned out to be easier said than done. Since the day that the two of you had that little conversation, Kuroo put it in his schedule to study or just visit the coffee shop while you were there. Always saying something to you. Wither it was a “Hey.” Or just a nod in your direction. He seemed to be determined to speak to you.

And as usual, you ignored him. Yet that didn’t seem to deter him. It was like a game to him, and that only irritated you more.

“You’re so annoying you know that.” You scuff at him one day as you tried to snatch your test paper from him.. He was teasing you about the score you got in your chemistry class that he happened to see when he was passing by your table.

“So I’ve been told,” He laughed Keeping the paper out of your reach, “But for real, If you need help I’m a great tutor, And it looks like you do need the help.” He said in a matter-of-fact tone.

And you knew he was right. The chances of you passing this class on you’re own were low. And You were getting pretty desperate, and you knew he was actually doing very well in all his classes. “If I say yes, you had better not try anything. And were only studying here. And I don’t want to hang out with any of your other friends,” You told him.

“You got a lot of demands for someone who needs my help,” He raised an eyebrow.

“You’re the one who offered, No funny business Kuroo.” You said seriously.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” He said with a smirk and wink. “But trust me you won’t regret it.” 

And once again you found yourself hoping you weren’t making the wrong choice by letting him into your life. 

-

If you had to describe Kuroo you would say he was annoying, he was a know it all, who couldn’t shut up. He was a smart ass, and he managed to get under your skin and infuriate you every time he opened his mouth. But more than anything ...he was funny. And he was way more charming than he had the right  to be. 

You didn’t want to admit it, but you had a lot of fun studying with Kuroo. Despite all his flaws and he did have a lot, you enjoyed being around him. Even if he was annoying he was smart and he knew what he was talking about when it came to the classwork and made it easier for you to get.  

All in all, you really liked being Kuroo’s study buddy, and friend you didn’t want anything more. At least that’s what you kept having to tell yourself. Whenever you caught yourself looking at him too long admiring how beautiful he was. 

You had to keep reminding yourself, that boys were trouble; that boys like him were trouble. And you no longer had time for them. Besides he was Daichi’s friend and so he couldn’t be that much of a good guy anyway. But that didn’t mean you heart didn’t so a stupid dance whenever he flirted with you. Which he did a lot.

But you were determined not to make a fool of yourself again and brush him off every time he did. You refused to show him how much those little things he did affected you. But Kuroo could see right through you. He just  he understood why you did and he didn’t take any offense to it, because he still found himself enjoying your reactions either way. 

He got why you didn’t want a relationship. He had to admit Daichi really did screw you over, but like he had told you so long ago, You seemed really nice, and he wanted to get to know you for himself. And after countless study sessions, he learned that under all that sass you put up was a sweet person, who was goofy, and a blast to be around.

And despite you refusing to fall for him, he had completely fallen for you. But more than anything for him, Kuroo enjoyed being your friend. So the relationship the two of you had with each other was enough for him.

Unless you wanted more.

-

“Tetsuro! Look!” You exclaimed once you saw him at the cafe. You had finally got a 100% on your chem test and it was all thanks to him. You practically jumped in his arms when you told him.

‘So adorable.’

Was all he could think, besides the fact that he would love to kiss you. But instead, he smiled “Didn’t I tell you, you weren’t gonna regret it.” 

“I dunno...I kinda regret it…” You said jokingly.

“As if.” He said with a smile and an eye roll. But that just made you laugh.

 “We should celebrate,” Kuroo added.

“Celebrate?” 

“Yeah…” He trailed off up until now the two of you only met at the coffee shop, which wasn’t a problem. But it had been a few months now, surely you wouldn’t mind going somewhere else with him. You were friends now after all. “Let’s go out for dinner or something?” 

“Dinner or something?” You raised your eyebrow.

Kuroo scratched his face avoiding looking you in the eye, “Yeah...It would be nice, a change of scenery...something other than coffee and cafe food…” 

He actually seemed like he was a bit shy, and you found that more adorable than anything you had seen him do before, “Is Kuroo tongue-tied?” You teased him.

“Common...It will be fun,”  He said finally looking into your eyes. 

You tried to hold back your smile from him, “It sounds like a date…” 

“If you wanna call it a date then it can be.” 

 You really didn’t want to fall for him but when you saw him like this you couldn’t help it. He was just so cute! “I…I dunno though Tetsuro-” 

“I don’t bite Y/n,” Kuroo said with his cocky self coming back, “And you know I’m not up to anything. Will go just as friends-Basically what we’ve been doing, no funny business-” 

“Kuroo? Y/n?” 

You both were taken out of your conversation by the sound of your names. Much to Kuroo’s annoyment. When you both turned you saw it was the very last person you wanted to see. Daichi.

He stood there alone obviously not expecting to see the two of you together.  

“Hey Kuroo,” He nodded at his friend, but then looked to you, “Umm, Y/n I-I haven’t seen you in a while Y/n…” He smiled awkwardly. “You look well.” 

Seeing him made all those feeling you felt back then come rushing back. You immediately wanted to just disappear. You still didn’t want to talk to him, you didn’t want any confrontation you just wanted to leave. So that’s what you were going to do you turned back to do YOu looked back to Kuroo while you started to pick up your things, “Um Tetsu--Kuroo...I should really go…” You trailed off as you adjusted your backpack on you back, and walked out of the cafe.

“Y/n.” 

“Y/n,” Both Kuroo and Daichi said walk. 

You looked back at them, but you couldn’t do this. So you left them both standing there. 

Kuroo looked at Daichi irritation clearly on his face, “Dude, what could you possibly have to say to her?” 

Daichi shrugged sheepishly, “I just wanna explain to her what happened, I feel bad. And she probably wants an explanation...and I feel like I owe her you know..” 

“I’m sure that’s one of the last things she wants, you really screwed her over she really liked you, man.” Kuroo told him, “I think it’s just best you leave her alone..” 

Daichi nodded, “Yeah, you’re probably right about that...I wish things hadn’t turned out the way that they did.” 

“Yeah, but they did…” Kuroo told him plainly.

There air was thick between the two of them for a moment, and they both new it, But Daichi cleared his voice and spoke up again, “So you and Y/n now?” 

Kuroo had started to get his things to leave now, “Theres nothing going on between us.” 

Daichi nodded again but forced out a laugh, “I mean it’s fine if there is, You don’t need my permission or anything.” 

Kuroo wanted to roll his eyes, but Daichi was still his friends after all, so he just settled with an, “I know.” Before leaving out the cafe himself. 

Kuroo left him there in the cafe. Now only determined to find you. You couldn’t have gotten that far. Albeit he didn’t know where which way you went. Countless times he tried to walk you back to your dorm after your study sessions but you always refused him. He wanted to finish talking to you. He wanted to know your answer, but more than anything now he wanted an answer to his question. Though now he doubted it was an answer he wanted now. 

“Damnit Daichi,” He said under his breathe. Things were going so well between you two. Why did Daichi have to pop up and mess it up. No doubt reminding you off all the things you had been pushing back. 

Kuroo was about to give up his search of you, but just before he turned back around he saw a glimpse of your shirt sitting against one the trees on campus. 

As he approached you he could hear you sniffing, “Y/n?” 

You quickly tried to wipe your face at the sound of is voice, “I’m fine.” 

“Y/n..” Kuroo moved down to your level, “It’s okay if your not…” He handed you a napkin. 

You looked at Kuroo giving him a weak smile taking the napkin. Still feeling that heavy lump in your throat, “I wish I was...I really wanted him to want me,” You cried.  Kuroo didn’t exactly know what to do in this situation, but he didn’t want to leave you. So he decided to stay sit and stay silent until you were ready to leave.

You don’t know how long you sat there crying. But when you were done you felt tired and embarrassed. Kuroo sat there beside you the whole time. The air was awkward with unspoken words between the two of you not knowing what to say next. “I should get back to my dorm…” You all but whispered. 

“Can I walk you?” Kuroo asked you still not wanting to leave you alone. And not having much fight in you, you just sighed and agreed. 

The walk was quiet. Nether of you saying anything, still not knowing where to even start a conversation. But eventually you made it to your dorm. You turned to Kuroo before you went inside, “Thanks I guess…” 

“No problem,” He said avoiding your eyes. “I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” 

“What do you want from me?” You asked out of nowhere. It was a thought that was weighing on you mind the whole walk back. Kuroo and you were only study buddies, nothing else. So why was he helping you now. What did he want from you? 

Kuroo was taken back by your question, but before he could answer you kept talking. “I already said I wasn’t interested in you like that. Yet, you still hang around me? Are you just waiting it out seeing if I’ll just cave in and say yes? Did Daichi tell you I was easy or something? Did Daichi-” 

“No!” Kuroo cut you off before you could fishing accusing him of things, “I hang out with you cause I like you F/n, And we're friends. Like I told you before, it has nothing to do with Daichi. I’m sorry Daichi made you think that a guy has to have a motive to want to be around you.” 

You wanted to believe him. You wanted to believe in Kuroo. He hasn’t done anything for to not to believe him. He was even here for you today when you were crying when he didn’t have to be. He had proven he was a good guy. 

He was leaving when you called out to him, “Tetsu!”

Kuroo turned around, and you gave a him a smile, “I’m fee this weekend for that date.”

[just-a-cheese-stick]

(Possible tw for mentions of a broken bone, ivs, and surgery. It isn’t graphic tho)

Naeleon Week day 5 (Flowers)

Non despair au

��Just breathe Leon it’s going to be ok”

‏‏‎‎“What? You expect me to be calm before literally being minutes away from being cut open?” From his tone, it was easy to tell that Leon was panicked.

“sweetie, you’re going to be fine. Your arm is going to feel much better after this, ok?”

‏‏‎

Leon had broken his wrist at a baseball game about a week ago. After getting it checked out, the doctor concluded he would need surgery for the bone to fully heal.

This idea did not sit well with him in the slightest.

Though he would never say it, he was deadly terrified of any kind of medical procedure. Even though he never has directly told anyone, his reaction to them said enough. ‏‏‎ ‎

Every time he went in for one he would boarder on anxiety attacks. Makoto noticed this when he went in to get his wisdom teeth pulled, and started going with him from then on.

A nurse came into the waiting room and called Leon into the hospital room. Immediately, his mood went from defiant and angry to visibly anxious and small. He gripped Makoto’s hand with the hand not connected to his broken arm.

“Sit down right over here for me we’ll be with you in a second” the nurse told him as they entered the room.

Leon sat down on the hospital bed and began fidgeting anxiously with his arm brace.

“Nervous?”

‏‏‎‎“What? Me? No!” Leon quickly replied defensively.

He paused.

“do you want me to hold your hand?” Makoto offered.

Leon quickly nodded, holding his boyfriend’s hand tightly.

Makoto could feel the other’s hand shaking in his. It was clear he was nervous.

“It’s gonna be ok. You’re strong. I know you can do this,” Makoto brushed his thumb over the top of Leon’s hand in an attempt to comfort him.

“Thanks,” Leon glanced to the side.

A door opened, and three nurses entered. One of them, they both recognized as one of their upperclassmen, Mikan, who was likely interning here for her talent as the ultimate nurse.

“Hi, how are we doing?” One of the nurses said, rather upbeat.

Leon shrunk into the hospital bed he was sitting in, anxious about starting, but still held onto Makoto’s hand.

“This is dumb,” He grumbled quietly.

“W-Well i-in order for your- ... -for your arm t-to fully h-heal, y-you n-need to get the s-surgery. S-So it’s not d-dumb,” Mikan, the other nurse replied.

“He’s a bit anxious,”

“No I’m not!”

“Don’t be scared! You won’t even know it’s happening,” one of the nurses reassured.

“Chill, I’m not scared. Just think this is Stupid. That’s all,”

”C-Could you lay d-down?” Mikan asked.

Leon noticeably tensed.

“We’re not s-starting y-yet. W-We’re m-moving you to the pre-op room, but we’re j-just gonna check y-your vitals, ok?” The nurses moved over to raise the small protective bars on the side of the bed.

Two of them moved the bed into the operating room while Makoto walked beside the bed, making small-talk to a very anxious Leon, who, at this point had given up on trying not to seem nervous.

The third nurse stayed behind to sort out medications for the procedure.

It was a rush of taking blood pressure and temperature and other miscellaneous vital checks, but after a few minutes, an IV bag was brought up to the hospital bed.

Seeing that caused both Leon and Makoto to panic a little. Especially Leon.

Since he was a kid he hated those things. Plus, it meant they were starting.

Makoto was nervous because once Leon was under the anesthesia and asleep, he would have to leave his side until the procedure was done. He didn’t want to leave him though. He’d feel awful. Especially with how anxious he was about everything.

Makoto grabbed onto Leon’s hand to try and keep him calm.

But, judging by Leon’s death grip, he was nowhere near that.

‎“This is the anesthesia. It may take a second to work, but once it does, you’ll be completely asleep so you don’t feel any part of the surgery,” the nurse explained.

“And it goes in through an IV?” Leon’s tone alone was enough to tell he wasn’t just nervous being faced with the inevitability that he would go under surgery. He was terrified.

“Yep!”

“I’m gonna need you to put your arm down, please,” The nurse requested.

hesitantly, Makoto and Leon let go of each other’s hands, causing the anxiety to rise in both of them almost immediately.

The needle went into his arm, causing Leon to hiss in discomfort.

“Now, we’re gonna need you to count back from 10 for us.”

Makoto rested his hand on Leon’s good shoulder that wasn’t connected to his broken arm.

“T-Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven.. S..iix, ..fffi..” And with that, Leon was asleep, and Makoto was ushered out of the room to allow the operation to begin.

Makoto sat in the waiting room, anxiously scrolling through his notifications. He already was kind of worried. He didn’t want his boyfriend to wake up in any pain, or even be in any pain to that matter.

He got bored of looking at nothing, and began to get hungry.

He knew the hospital had a gift shop, so maybe he could go find himself something to eat and something nice he could get Leon while he was waiting.

Makoto got up from his seat and went to go find it.

“Excuse me, could you point me to the gift shop, please?” Makoto asked the man at the front desk.

“Yeah. It’s downstairs on the first floor. It’s labeled. You shouldn’t have a hard time finding it,” the man replied.

“Thank you.”

He stepped into the elevator and pressed the “1” button, which led to the first floor of the hospital.

The doors closed and the elevator began moving downwards.

With a “ding” the elevator reached the first floor.

Makoto walked out and started looking around for the gift shop.

A small indoor store labeled “gift shop” stood out.

That must be it.

Makoto entered the store.

The inside looked just like what you’d expect of a hospital gift shop.

It was filled with racks and racks of stuffed animals, “get-well-soon” cards, shirts, flowers, balloons, small candies and snacks, and a few other small objects.

Makoto walked around to find something to snack on and something for Leon.

The first thing that caught his eyes were the flower bouquets.

There was a large variety of flowers to choose from, but since he knew Leon likes the smell of lavender, he chose the lavender bouquet.

He looked around the store for some more nice things for his boyfriend after he wakes up.

The next thing that caught his eye was the rack of cards. He looked around at the “get-well-soon” to try and find something cute or funny.

He settled on a cute card with a corgi on the cover of it.

Makoto browsed the rest of the shop for anything else, and remembered he was hungry.

He browsed the shelf containing small snacks and found a row of stuffed bears holding a small jar of chocolates.

He had to get Leon one. They were just too cute. And, the chocolates would be good for the mood.

Makoto picked one up and put it with the rest of the gifts, and grabbed himself a bag of takis before moving to the checkout.

He checked out and returned back to his seat in the waiting room. Only about 15 minutes had passed, so it was back to the anxious boredom of scrolling through useless notifications and occasionally playing games that he had trouble focusing on.

But at least he had something to eat.

The minutes felt like hours, hours like days. Finally, after two anxious hours, a nurse came into the waiting room.

“Makoto?” A nurse called.

“That’s me.” He got up from his seat and fallowed the nurse somewhat eagerly with gifts in hand.

The nurse opened the door to the recovery room and walked him in.

“He may be a little loopy since he just woke up,” the nurse explained.

“Ok. Thank you so much!”

He walked into the recovery room and saw Leon in the bed, just barely awake.

“Hey Leon.”

Leon turned his head towards Makoto. “Who are you?”

“You don’t remember me?” Makoto softened his voice so he doesn’t overwhelm Leon.

“nah,” Leon replied, still only half awake.

“I’m Makoto, remember?” Leon had already fallen asleep again. This didn’t last long. He woke up again after a minute.

“Hey” Leon said still sounding dazed from the anesthesia.

“Hi Leon.”

Leon swiftly turned his head to him in surprise. “Wait how d’you know m’name?”

Makoto chucked in response.

“How?” Leon asked again.

“You told me.”

Leon looked at him confused.

“wwwhen?”

“Five years ago.”

Leon paused for a second, but seemed to have forgotten what he was going to say. “Hey koto.”

“hmm?”

“You’re the most beautiful person I’ve evrseen.”

‏‏‎ This took Makoto by surprise. He could feel a blush spread across his face.“Thank you!”

“you’re sweet and perfect and cute and amazing and beautiful,” Leon started to ramble, sounding no less dazed than when Makoto had first came in to visit him.

“Well, I think YOU’RE the most beautiful person that I’ve ever seen,” Makoto replied, still blushing.

Leon paused. “Nah, syou.”

‏‏‎Makoto chuckled. “If you say so.”

“Yeah I’m sure.”

‏‏ ‎There was a brief silence.

“Do you have a girlfriend?” Leon questioned.

Makoto shook his head.

“You got a boyfriend?”

Makoto nodded his head. Leon looked slightly disappointed.

“Who s’it?”

“It’s you, Leon.” A smile grew on Makoto’s face.

Leon’s eyes widened.

“How???” He asked. “How’d I get such a cute guy?”

Makoto chuckled fondly.

“I asked myself the same thing when you asked me out.” Makoto smiled fondly when remembering that day.

“No way...”

Tho two continued chatting until Leon finally was able to fully wake up. That was when a doctor came in to discharge him.

The few papers given were filled out and Leon was discharged.

They returned to the car and began to drive back home.

“Oh, I got you some stuff from the gift shop,” Makoto told Leon, who was in the back seat with a blanket he’d brought from home

“you did?” Leon could feel himself beginning to smile.

“Mhm!”

“You really didn’t have to do that, man.”

“I know. I just felt really bad when you got so anxious back there.”

“Don’t remind me,” Leon grumbled, embarrassed.

“Sorry. I won’t judge, though!”

A small smile grew on Leon’s face. “Thanks.”

The car pulled into the driveway and both got out. Before the surgery, they’d agreed to have Leon stay at Makoto’s house the rest of the day. Leon didn’t exactly have the best relationship with his dad and being around him wouldn’t be the best thing right after the stress of surgery.

“Do you wanna go take a rest?” Makoto could tell Leon was tired, seeing as he was on the verge of falling asleep in the back of the car.

“That would be nice,” Leon replied with a yawn.

“You can go lay down in my room. And I’ll bring you those gifts I got you earlier,” Makoto offered.

Leon nodded his head, and tightly hugged Makoto with his good arm. “What did I do to deserve such an amazing boyfriend?”

He let go and walked himself to bed. Makoto came in soon after with a bouquet of lavender, a small stuffed bear with chocolates, and a card.

Leon could feel himself smile from the kind gesture. “You didn’t have to do all this man.” Leon was already red in the face.

“I know.” Makoto sat down on the bed. “But I wanted to.”

He handed him the lavenders first, which made his face light up.

“These are so pretty. Thank you so much dude!”

Makoto smiled in response and then handed him the bear and card. Both gifts were very Makoto gifts to give, and that was what made Leon so happy. That they were clearly given by Makoto.

“I love these so much. Thanks dude.”

Makoto was beaming at this point.

“I was about to lay down. Wouldja wanna join me?” Leon asked.

“I’d love to.”

They both laid down and pulled the covers over them.

“Here wait. The doctor said it would be good to elevate your arm. Would you like a pillow for that?” Makoto offered.

“Sure. Thanks so much dude. Really.”

Leon slipped his arm out of the sling and put it on the pillow.

He pulled Makoto to his chest with his good arm and holding him firmly, placing the occasional kiss on his forehead.

“Hey,” Leon said, beginning to feel himself fall asleep. “Hmm?”

“You know, I love you so much. You really mean the world to me man,” Leon pressed his face gently against the other’s.

“You too.” Makoto wrapped both of his arms around the other, pulling him into a tight hold. He still kept his broken arm in mind and was extremely careful with any area around it, making sure he applied minimal pressure to the area.

“I love you, man.”

“Love you too”

And with that, soft snores could be heard coming from Leon, and Makoto fallowed soon after.

Before they knew it, they were both asleep in the other’s arms.

[vlogsquadssquad]

Secure 2

summary: Charlie confesses his feelings and reader has to decide if that's what she wants, or if another guy has her *attention*

a/n: i’m honestly BLOWN away at part 1′s feedback. y'all really loved it so Ive been working on this all day, I hope its everything youve been waiting for! thank you to my new followers, ive been writing for a bit for fun and no one was reading my stories but after the reaction for the last story I was so motivated to write. I have A LOT more ideas and even an idea for a part 3 with smut and maybe even reader having to tell the boy she didn't choose the bad news, who knooowwsss. send me in suggestions! 

warnings: language, alluding to smut at the end.

mood board:

-- YOUR POV

my life has been the most fun lately. ive been hanging out with David and he really gets me to let loose. he's always trying to top his last video which is so fun to be a part of. even if we wait around the house all day. tonight im alone though. I told him I needed to get some writing down for the last song of my album. I want it to be about being happy with yourself and secure with who you are. that you don't need another person to define who you are. but im having trouble putting that into words that rhyme. maybe I should just see what David is up to.

- daveyy (:

hey, I know I said I was busy but my mind is too cluttered and im curious what the vlog squad is up to 😉 >

< hahaa nothing actually. im by myself at the house tonight. really boring. watching movies ive seen dozens of times.

oh no! your friends realize they were too cool for you? >

< probably lmao. what are you up to?

trying to finish this last song but I can't think straight >

hey would you wanna come over? its ok if you're too busy being alone watching 50 first dates lol >

< how'd you know? 😅 id love to. chipotle?

- end texts -

“hey, loser” I say as he walks in with our food and... is that ice cream? “wait, did you get ice cream?” 

“yeah, I got your favorite flavor!” he says with a smile. my heart aches at the kind gesture. “wow your house is so nice” he sets the food on my counter as he glances around. 

“thank you, im really into interior design... and nice houses” i joke as i examine the ice cream David got for me. he chuckles as he gets my food out of the bag and sets it up in my living room. I put on a movie to watch but we end up muting it and just talking instead. our conversations just seem to flow. “what's a memory that stands out to you from your childhood?” I ask him. “there's so many things,” he puts his arm around the back of my couch as we sit sideways to face each other. we finished eating forever ago. “probably just all of high school. I learned so much, from my friends and my teachers. nothing academically, obviously.” he laughs. I smile to him and run my fingers through my hair. he watches my movements and for a moment its quiet.

“I think you're really smart.” I say finally. “I love how you push me, you're always there for me, and you just come up with the best ideas. you're so creative.” 

“wow. what did I do to deserve your kindness?” he asks with a slight laugh.

“I can think of a few things.” our conversation became much lighter after that. after a while we went into my home studio and he helped me write. the night was filled with jokes and endless laughing but also had serious moments too. I shared very personal details about my life. but the best thing of all was that there was no camera in sight. it was just friends being friends. no clickbait. no underlying purpose for the long stay. it was perfect.

-- next day

“hey y/n could I come over and talk?” Charlie asked over the phone.

“sure, I don't have anything planned till tonight.”

“ok be there in 20.”

“what's the sudden emergency?” I ask as he walks in the door.

“there's just something I've been wanting to confess for a really long time and i’m not sure-”

“its ok Charlie, what is it?”

“I think I'm in love with you.”

my heart dropped. Im frozen in time. I don't need a relationship right now and I sure as hell can't lose my friendship with Charlie.

“I don't know what to say...”

“say you love me too!” he moves closer to me “I know you do! you always want to be around me, have me close to you, we talk all night. I know you feel it.”

I look at him with a blank expression.

“I honestly don't. I've never thought of you that way, and I'm really enjoying being single. for once in my life I'm not letting the pressure of having someone on my arm get to me, I don't need this right now, I-”

“what..? y/n. don't do this.”

“I'm not doing anything it's just the truth.” I look to the ground as his eyes fill with tears. “I think you should go.” I say.

-- DAVIDS POV, that night

- y/n/n 😋

you're still coming to my party tonight right? >

< I wouldn't miss it! so proud of you! ❤️

tonight was my party to celebrate my new show. I haven't told the fans yet but this vlog will be my announcement. we start filming for it on Monday and I've never been more excited. its exactly what I've been dreaming of all my life.

the party started to kick off and all my friends slowly started showing up. Charlie was going to perform his unreleased song tonight and everyone was already talking about it. 

“hey have you heard anything from y/n and Charlie? are they dating?” Ilya comes up and whispers to me.

“no man, I haven't heard anything. I was with y/n all night last night and I wasn't exactly begging her to give me details but we did talk for hours about random stuff and she never brought him up or texted anyone. I don't know they might not be.” I say with hope shining through the cracks of my voice.

“I can just ask Charlie?” Ilya offers. he's such a good friend when it matters.

I nod and then head to get something to drink. y/n still wasn't here and I was getting antsy.

just then I hear Natalie let someone in. I peak around the corner and see y/n. she looks drop dead gorgeous. i’ve never seen her dressed up like that. I think she saw right through me and asked if she had something on her face. 

“no, no, I just have never seen you dressed like that. you look great.” I look to the floor. no way she and Charlie aren't an item. they both love music and they're both flawless people. they're a match made in heaven. 

“well, thank you, cowboy.” she says in a funny southern accent. she was so weird. she came in for a hug and she smelled exactly like when I first met her. I put my hand on the small of her back and for a split second I felt her push more into me. 

“so where can I get a drink?” she asked as we pulled apart.

“a drink?” I ask

“yes, i’ve had a bizarre day and I need a drink.”

Im about to ask her what she means when I hear Charlie from behind me 

“hey, babe, you're late.” he says to y/n as he pulls her into a hug. she almost looks uncomfortable. “hey Charles, how are you?” 

“i’m great, i’ve had several drinks and im thinking much clearly-er now”

“I can smell that” she chuckles

I hand her her favorite drink and ask her if she finished the song. after a short conversation Charlie pulls her to the couch where some other friends are doing karaoke. she's basically sitting on his lap and laughing. I grab my camera and record a little outside trying to not think about it.

-- YOUR POV

I honestly think drunk Charlie has forgotten about our conversation from earlier. which i’m relieved because sometimes I just need good ol Charlie and not this new one that was in love with me. sure he's a little touchy but we were always close like that. 

“alright I promised David I would perform an unreleased song tonight. come on I want you to hear it.” he grabs my hand pulls me up. I have a gut feeling I don't want to be here for it.

David set up the mic outside and everyone found a seat. David sat next to me with camera in hand. 

“alright alright” Charlie starts. “hopefully I don't forget the lyrics since i’m a little buzzed.” the audience laughed. “but this song means a lot to me, and I wrote it with someone in mind. someone who has changed my life for the better and made me a better man.”

oh god, please don't say my name 

“y/n. you are everything to me. I wouldn't be able to be who I am today without you.”

everyone looks to me as the music starts. a love song. i place my head in my hands and David nudges me. “you ok?” he whispers.

“can you please get me out of here?” he nods his head and stands up. Charlie is looking down at his guitar lost in his music. I feel bad leaving but how could he not take no as an answer? I follow David out the door and my head is down in shame. he closes the patio door and turns to me. “what is going on? I thought you guys were dating?” 

“oh god, not you too.” I groan. “just please I need to be anywhere but here right now. fast.”

“okay. let’s go.”

we go to his garage and he looks at me. 

“you said fast!” he shrugs as he opens the passenger Ferrari door for me. I laugh with my head thrown back “true. but im going to need a jacket or blanket.”

“here, use mine.” he took off his hoodie and handed it to me. I hopped in the car and we were off.

“anywhere in mind?” he asks as we pull out of the neighborhood.

“nope,” I smile. “im kinda hungry though”

“alright,” he turns the car at the light. “then we’re gonna make this worth our while. I know an overly expensive place with great burgers.” 

I laugh at him as my hair blows in the wind “yes! lets spend all your money!” I lift my arms and scream. David just laughs at me. we speed down the highways. ive never felt so free. 

we finally arrive to the place and get seated.

“so do you wanna tell me why we left my party now?”

“i’m sorry by the way. I didn't mean to drag you from your party but...” I look down and pick at my napkin “Charlie confessed his feelings for me this afternoon.” David looked at me confused. 

“isn't that a good thing?” he asked.

“not if I don't feel the same way.” I sigh and David looks surprised. “I was very clear about my feelings- or lack of. but he had been hitting on me all night and then the song. I know he was drunk but im really worried for my friendship with him.” 

“I can't believe my ears.” he said almost laughing. “you, y/f/n, don't like the guy who seems like he was sent down from the heavens for you?” 

“nope. he just isn't my type I guess, I don't know. I never really thought of him that way and I don't want to.”

“wow, no one will be up to your standards will they?” David laughs as he takes a drink.

“the right guy will be.”

perfect timing. the waitress comes over with our food. we thank her and get eating. he was right. best. burgers. ever! 

I moan as I take another bite.

David looks me up and down with his cheeks full of burger and chuckles. “okay, y/n, calm down. it isn't no Charlie puth.”

I gasp and throw a fry at him playfully, laughing. “no... no it is not!” we both laugh harder. as we finish up David pays despite my best efforts and we head to my house so he can drop me off. the car ride was fun, we listened to all the hits and sang our hearts out. we got tons of funny looks, but nothing mattered. I grabbed his vlog camera he threw to the side and recorded him singing and then popped myself into frame and had the camera aimed at both of us. our hair was crazy and the night was wearing down on us but it didn't matter. we were just happy to be alive. 

as we pulled into my driveway and David put the car in park, I looked to him. “you wanna walk me to my door?” 

“already on it.”

he came around and opened the car door for me and walked me up to my door. 

“thank you for tonight. it was like out of a movie. I really needed it.” I was talking softly now since it was the dead of the night and the only thing heard was the crickets. 

“anytime, y/n.” David also said softly. he kept looking to my lips which made my heart beat faster every time. I know I said I didn't need a guy, but he just looks too good. 

“and congrats on your show, I'm really proud of you.” I step closer. 

“thank you, congrats on staying single another night.” he joked but had his hands gently placed on my forearm. 

“its still early.” I whisper closer to his face now. I can feel his breath and he can feel mine. my heart is going a million beats a minute and the butterflies in my stomach are in a tornado.

“I can't write a song about you, but I can buy you more expensive burgers.”

I laugh leaning my head on his shoulder. “that's all a girl needs anyways.”

he laughs too but gently. I look up at him and his eyes are locked on mine. he places a hand on my cheek and then lower to my neck. I take a sharp breath in and connect our lips. his lips are soft, sweet, and gentle. I pull my arms up around his neck and deepen the kiss. I feel his hands slide down my back to just above my ass. I move my head to the side and open my mouth gently. he knows what to do and opens his mouth too. I feel his tongue dominate my mouth. he retracts and I close my mouth only to bite his bottom lip and then pull away. I let go and we put our foreheads together breathing heavily. 

“I could do that again.” he says.

“wanna come inside?” I whisper, my hands now playing with his hairs at the end of his neck.

“best party ever.” he laughs and I pull him inside. I don't know what im supposed to tell Charlie. the heart wants what it wants?

[random-imagines-blog]

Bittersweet (Barry Allen x Reader)

Requested by: @kurtbastianlover​ Wordcount: 3967 Summary: Like every fan’s dream, you suddenly drop into your favorite television show.

The world could be a very mysterious place. Not knowing how they built the great pyramids, the Bermuda triangle, the current US president - but the biggest one was how the hell you went from falling asleep on your couch, to waking up in a bed in the fictional STAR Labs with the actress Daniel Panabaker sitting across the room, looking at medical charts on the computer. When you blinked open your eyes and looked around your surroundings, you tried to think of how this could be happening. There was too much detail for it to be a dream, you could see things that were just background blurs in the show. And the IV needle stuck in your arm hurt too much for that to be part of a dream too. It grew itchy and you scratched the area around it, which caught the attention of the actress. She got to her feet and pressed a call button that made her voice echo throughout the lab. ‘They’re awake!’

“Alright, is there some new prank show out there where they drug you and put you on the set of your favorite show? Because that seems a bit on the illegal side, Netflix will never pick it up.” You looked at your arm and at the needle. You’d seen movies and shows where people pull them out of their own arms, and it always looks uncomfortable. “I’ll play along if you can get a Doctor or a nurse to come and pull this thing out of me. Health and safety nightmare for me to-”

A bright flash appeared, and then there he was. Grant Gustin himself, wearing the infamous, skintight Flash suit. It looked even better in person than it did on your shitty little tv. But how did he get there so fast? You would have noticed if he just walked in. It’s like you were watching reality with special effects. “Wow, it really sprung for the big names.”

“What are they talking about?” Grant leaned in to ask Danielle, who looked at you concerned.

“Grant Gustin, Danielle Panabaker. I met the both of you at SDCC a couple of years ago, after the first season came out. I don’t expect you to remember me, though you certainly made an impression on me,” You chuckled nervously. Danielle shrugged and looked puzzled, before coming closer to you with her hands up. You didn’t make a fuss, only watched carefully as she removed the IV so you were free to move about. “Did they have enough in the budget for Carlos?”

“Who is Carlos?” Grant asked, moving forward. “Is that the person who did this to you, or someone we could track down or...”

“Cisco Ramone? Seriously, what kind of show is this?” You looked between the two actors, frowning now. It had been a bit fun at the start, but the genuinely confused look on their faces was making that run out quick. “Alright, the only thing that I can do from here is pretend that this is serious, so that’s what I’ll do.” You breathed, then got to your feet, realizing that you were still in your pajamas. Well, this certainly is not how you wanted anyone to see you.

“How do you know Cisco?” Danielle asked. You noticed they were avoiding any sort of conversation about this being a show, as though they were scared of the topic. You didn’t blame them. You’d be confused if you were just going about your life and someone showed up and said they knew your life.

“We’ve never met, but I guess you can say that I know a lot about all of you.” You admitted. “I know that sounds crazy but hey, if I somehow slipped from one earth to another, in your words, then anything is possible, right?”

“I’m going to go get Cisco,” Danielle said, backing away, and left the room, leaving you alone with Grant. You stretched your back and took a better look around, noticing that there was no cameras, and the room was indeed closed off - not open like a set. Once Danielle was back with Carlos - it was strange to think of them as their characters when they were standing in front of you - you cleared your throat. “You guys might want to sit down, I have a lot to say.”

-

When you were done, and having done a short introduction of yourself, the three in front of you seemed to have their minds blown. Grant, no, Barry, had taken off the hood of his costume since you revealed that you knew his identity anyway.

“So somewhere in the multiverse, we’re a TV show. Please tell me I’m played by someone good,” Cisco said, looking at you eagerly.

“You’re played by a guy who looked exactly you. And this is your only real acting gig. It’s great though, you’re fantastic. And Caitlin, you’re Danielle Panabaker, you did, let me think,” You tried to remember other things you’ve seen her in. “A Friday the 13th remake, and a high school superhero film called Sky High. You controlled plants and were hella feminist.” She seemed more troubled at this than happy. “And Grant, sorry, Barry, you also did Glee, which is funny because so did Melissa - er, Supergirl.”

“So this is really all just a TV show? You know all about it?” Barry reiterated.

“Uh - probably, unless I somehow just changed the timeline. Can you tell me about what’s been going on recently?  Because by the looks of things, I might actually be ahead of you guys.”

“Tony - he’s made of metal or something. We were fighting and then I just saw you, lying off the side of the road. I couldn’t tell what was wrong, you were just unconscious so I brought you here,” Barry explained. You thought for a moment, Tony, Tony - no, you couldn’t be this far back, could you?

“Tony, as in your childhood villain, Tony?” You asked to be sure.

“That’s where I remember him from!” Barry jumped up. “I knew he looked familiar. But how-”

“This is just season one stuff. You have no idea how crazy things are going to get from here.” You sighed. “This is like, calm before the storm type of things. I could tell you how you eventually defeat him, if you want me to.”

“Season one, how many seasons are there?” Caitlin finally spoke up.

“So far - six.”

“I gotta go tell Harrison about this, he’s going to freak-” Cisco said. At the mention of Harrison Wells, you remembered the twist at the end of the season, and instinctively reached out and grabbed Cisco’s wrist. He stopped, surprised. It was the first contact that you’ve reached out for with any of them. It was still hard to believe that they were real, and you were touching skin.  Cisco’s skin.

“It would be extremely dangerous to tell him any of what I’ve just told you,” You said, seriously. “I wish I could tell you, but it would also be dangerous if I did that. Just um - just tell him I’m diabetic and I passed out on the street, and I’m - I don’t know, a cousin or something, because if he finds out who I am and what I know...”

“Do you know who killed my mom?” Barry asked, getting onto his feet.

“Uhh - yes, but - oh god, please don’t make me tell you the big things. I have a really bad feeling about this.”

“Let’s give y/n a little space, okay?” Caitlin said, smiling at you softly. You returned it, knowing that by doing this, you were giving them a little space. You climbed back onto the bed in the medical room and closed your eyes tightly.

You even tried to click your heels three times, muttering, “There’s no place like home,” but that didn’t do anything. You were still here, in the Flashverse. And you had a lot of decisions to make on what to tell them. They weren’t just entertainment now, you could be putting lives at risk. You could be putting your own if Eobard Thawne, under the guise of Harrison Wells, knew that you knew the future. You probably already ruined it by telling them that they had six seasons of adventures ahead of them. You sighed, and went over what you could remember of the first season, especially what was coming up next.

-

“He seems undefeatable,” Barry said, coming to you in the Medical Bay. A couple of days had already past. Caitlin got you some clothes to change into, and had concocted a story to Harrison about how you had been her neighbor when she was younger. He seemed to buy it and welcome you, which was a bit difficult for you to accept naturally, but you did your best. He still seemed to linger, however, especially when you were alone with one of the members of the team. This was your first one on one talk with Barry since you got here.

“He’s not - Cisco comes up with a way. You defeat him, with a little help from Iris actually. Just give it a little time, and stop trying to just punch him, it’s clearly not working.”

“Does she know who I am?” Barry asked, growing nervous at the mention of Iris’s involvement. “Does she find out when we fight Tony?”

“No, this isn’t how she finds out, but she does eventually. So just keep being careful, alright?”

“Yeah, alright.” Barry nodded. “Hey, have you had a chance to check out Jitters yet?”

“Haven’t really been able to leave this place, no matter how many times I try to explain to Cisco that there’s no Central City in my world so running into a double of me is impossible.”

“Do you want to go, with me?” Barry asked. A flush came across your cheeks. You always thought that Grant Gustin was handsome, and that Barry Allen was an amazing character, so seeing that face, with that personality, and seeing those lips form ‘do you want to go with me’ was overwhelming to you.

“Is this just a ploy so you can go see Iris?” You questioned, trying to play it off cool.

“No, though she might be working. I just thought that since you’re here, I could show you around. Maybe you’ll see something that isn’t in the show.”

“Sure, sure,” You teased, knowing that he was in love with his best friend and that they would one day get married. It was best not to get your hopes up. “Oh, and can we also go to Big Belly Burger? I’ve always wanted to try it.”

Barry laughed at that, but agreed that he would take you there for dinner.

Apart from the danger of being near the big bad from the first season, being here was a dream come true.

-

You sat across from Barry at a small Jitters table with large coffee mugs in front of you. The place was larger than you thought it would be, but you only were able to see a bit of it due to camera angles. You got what sounded best, while Barry got his usual. And of course, Iris was working. It was just like the show, where she was front and center while there were background characters literally in the background.

“So you know all about us, why don’t you tell me a little about you?” Barry asked, taking a sip from his coffee. He was barely looking over at Iris, it was odd.

“Oh, I’m really not that interesting,” You said, brushing it off. “Not like you guys anyway. My life is pretty pedestrian.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Barry frowned. “There’s got to be something.”

“Well, I live by myself, so apart from my job, I doubt anyone has noticed that I left yet. Thank God I don’t have a pet or else I’d be freaking out about them not being fed,” You chuckled, trying to think of anything that might be of interest. You told him about your job, and how it wasn’t nearly as cool as being a superhero.

“You shouldn’t compare yourself to other people as often. Especially not TV characters,” Barry said, looking a little concerned.

“I guess I do that a lot, huh?” You tried to lighten the mood with a little chuckle. “Is there anything that you want to know, by the way? I mean, I can’t spoil the big things, obviously, but there’s probably some things that I can tell you.”

“There’s one thing that I’ve been thinking about, but you don’t know the answer,” Barry frowned. “How you being here is going to affect the timeline that you know.”

“I hope someone cool plays me in the show,” You mirrored what Cisco had said earlier. This made Barry laugh which was a wonderful sight to see. He was so stressed about this whole Tony thing, and his mother’s investigation. Looking at him smile, you noticed that he hadn’t been looking at Iris throughout the whole conversation, but seemed to have his eyes set only on you. You wondered if - maybe - did he think the same way about you that you thought about him?

“You would definitely be played by someone cool.”

You wiggled around in your seat, a little more bashful than you were before. “Barry, I have to ask-”

You were cut off by a shadow over the table,and it belonged to the one and only Iris West. She was absolutely stunning in person, just as she was on your TV screen. “Nothing else for you two before we close up?”

You were surprised by that, and looked at the clock only to find that you had been there for hours. Wrapping your arms around yourself, feeling shy next to the supermodel beside you, you shook your head.

“Iris,” Barry said, getting to his feet, as if just realizing that she was there. “This is y/n.”

“Thanks for the delicious coffee,” You said, smiling awkwardly. You really did have a problem with comparing yourself to other people. Being here had made that abundantly clear.

“You’re welcome,” Iris said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Barry has been rather busy lately, I’m guessing that’s because of you?”

“A lot of things, but yeah, y/n has been ... helpful.” You nodded along as Barry gave a haphazard explanation for your friendship. The look on Iris’s face showed that she didn’t entirely buy it but she dropped the subject.

“However, we are closing so - Barry, do you want to come for dinner at dad’s house sometime this week?”

“Uh - maybe, I’ll let you know.” Barry stood up and put his coat back on, and you did the same. Both of you left, and once you were out in the night air, you let out a huge breath.

“It’s a bit awkward, isn’t it?” You asked. “Iris is your best friend and you’re in love with her then along comes me and makes it uncomfortable, I’m sorry.”

“You know about that too?” Barry looked at you, then sighed, leading the way towards the fast food place. “Is there anything that you don’t know?”

You thought for a minute, then shrugged your shoulders. “I don’t really know where to go from here. I mean, both the burger place, and in this weird life.” He nodded along, listening to ramble about how you missed your old life a bit, even though it wasn’t nearly as exciting as this. Within a couple of minutes, you had it all out of your system and were finding a place to sit while he ordered the burgers.

“Thought we could eat outside,” Barry said, holding up the bag. You nodded, agreeing with that, and the two of you found yourselves sitting on a nearby bench, looking out at the water. “I know things have really changed for you but, I like having you around.”

“Really?” You squeaked more than said, which made you blush again. You never even blushed this much in the real world, but then again, you didn’t have anyone like Barry Allen in your real life. He looked at you and a little grin came across his face - and you recognized it. It was the same grin that he had when he looked at Iris during the show. “Um - thanks, that’s really nice of you to say.”

Barry’s phone ruined the moment, the annoying beeping not stopping until he took it out of his pocket. “Hold on, it’s Cisco,” He said, and answered it. “Cisco? Yeah, y/n’s with me, really? I thought it would take longer than that... Okay, yeah, we’ll head that way now.” He hung up then put it back into his pocket, and looked over at you. “He found a way to potentially get you back home.”

“Oh, alright,” You said, a little disappointed. It felt like things were only beginning to grow here, like maybe you could have a place, but you knew in your heart it wasn’t right. Any move that you make now could affect the lives of these people. Knowing the future and not being able to tell them was extremely difficult. “Yeah, we should head over there.”

“Y/N...” Barry started, but then stopped as you got up and started to walk away from the bench. He jogged, rather than raced, to catch up with you. “It might not even work-”

“But it might. And then - then I’ll have to be content with watching you all on the television again, once a week, seeing you fight and be in pain, and see bad things happen, and good things and not being able to be there anymore...”

“I’m sorry,” Barry said, looking down at you as the both of you walked, hands shoved deep in his pockets. “I wish you could stay here.”

“Yeah, me too.”

-

You weren’t as thrilled about the idea of going back as Cisco thought that you would be, but you put a big smile on your face so he wouldn’t feel bad about all the work he put into it. When he explained that he would be attempting to alter your frequencies in the same was as televisions in their world, you just nodded and smiled.

“It was really nice to meet you all, I guess I’ll be seeing you again soon.” Your laugh gave away that you were a bit sad about this. They each gave you a hug - first Caitlin, then Cisco, then Barry, though his seemed to linger for longer.

It wasn’t until you rested your head against his chest that you realized that this was your only chance. At first, you were hesitant to bring it up, but then you looked into his eyes and knew that you had to. “Remember how I was going to ask you something at Jitters?” You licked your lips, still slightly tasting the  Big Belly Burger, and wished you had a mint or something.

“Yes,” Barry nodded. You smiled slightly, and tried to think of how to word it. Iris had thrown you off your guard back at the coffee shop, and you had to get those thoughts back together.

“I was going to ask if it would be alright if I considered coffee and the burger as a date. It would be really cool to be the only person on my Earth who can say they had a date with a comic book hero.”

He chuckled at that and you thought for a second you had made him blush, but it could have just been the lights. “We can both call it that,” He agreed.  

“And would it be alright if I ended this date ... with a kiss?” Even you couldn’t believe how bold that you were being, and Barry looked a little shocked by it as well. You two had just started to get to know each other but he thought that you were a lot more shy than this. But he nodded his head, so you stood on your tiptoes and pressed your lips against his.

It was a good thing that he also tasted like burger, so neither of you had to feel insecure. Apart from that, it was amazing - there was a storm rumbling in your belly, which was more powerful than any butterflies you’ve ever felt before. It was like being on a roller coaster that was just about to totter down a large drop. It was like coming across untarnished treasure. It was beyond any other kiss that you ever had before, and when it ended, you were holding in tears that you had to leave.

He looked at you sadly as well, and took a couple of steps back. You smiled, because despite the sorrow at leaving, you were happy that it had happened at all. “Alright Cisco, beam me up.”

-

The last thing that you remembered was him pointing a device at you, and some sort of weird vibration going through your body. And then you woke up, which was startling because you didn’t remember falling asleep. You were back on your couch, with the credits of a recent Flash episode playing on your television. The only thing that was different was your clothes. It wasn’t the pajamas that you had been lounging it, but rather, it was an outfit that Caitlin had found for you, and that you had worn on your date with Barry.

That’s how you know that everything that happened was real, and not just some crazy dream. These were definitely not clothes that you owned.

You sat up and reached for your cellphone which was charging on the armrest of the couch. You saw that your phone was not only fully charged, but that you missed three days of your life, that you had 13 missed calls, 22 text messages and plenty of notifications from phone games - and of course, the ever threatening Duolingo reminders. You swept past those and called your best friend right away. She sounded sleepy as she answered the phone, given that it was almost one in the morning.

“You won’t believe what just happened to me,” You said.

“Does it have something to do with the fact that you’ve been lounging around, not answering your phone for three days?” Your friend yawned.

“Yes, actually, it does. I just went on a date with The Flash.”

You waited for your friends reaction to either think it was a joke, or be utterly surprised. It turned out to be neither. “Y/N, I know, you’ve been saying that since that episode came out.” You could hear them rolling their eyes from here. “Yes, there was a character with the same name as you back in season one, we get it, can I go back to sleep now?”

“Yeah, sure,” You said, and hung up. You looked blankly at the TV as another episode started. A rerun, but from season five, not the season that you were in. You rested back against the couch and watched it, a longing in your heart to return back to the show. You wouldn’t be able to watch it without remembering the feeling of Barry’s lips.

[lettingmydreamsspeak]

The Heart Knows Best: Part III

Summary: They still can’t get each other off their minds. Little do they know that even though distance plays a huge factor in ever knowing one another, something is bringing them together.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Female Reader

Warnings: None

Word count: approx. 2300

Author’s Note: If this is your first time reading this series, catch up with Part I and Part II here. Thanks to those who have read the series so far and have sent messages. It is great to hear from those who are reading it. It is my hope to have Part IV up shortly. 

************************************************************************

You couldn’t be happier to be home. You already felt like you needed a vacation from your vacation, but the demands of work would quickly occupy your mind. As you turned on your phone upon arriving at the airport terminal, the number on your email app grew. It was your boss inquiring about the timelines for various projects. She must have tracked your flight and knew that once you arrived it would be hard for you to avoid all the emails that she would be sending. Since taking an entry level position as a junior illustrator for an international publishing firm, you had worked your way up the ranks to work directly with the lead art director, as the senior illustrator. Because of your talent and determination, this position allowed for you to gain some of the highest profile accounts that came through the firm, working with some of the most well-known authors. Who knew that all those years of drawing since you were a little girl, would lead to this dream job. Even though the demands of the job could be overwhelming at times, no amount of pressure would take away the love you had for it.

Your brother Ben offered to pick you up from the airport, knowing that you would like to see a familiar face at the other end of customs when you arrived. He wasn’t wrong. The two of you were only two years apart. He was older than you, and as a stereo typical older brother to a sister, he protected you. As you passed through the doors to find what seemed to be a sea of thousands of people, Ben’s smiling face greeted you.

“Welcome home sis!” 

Ben gave you the biggest hug, as if he hadn’t seen you for months on end.

“Thank you for coming to get me. I would much rather sit in the front passenger seat and control the music for once!”

You both had a good laugh, because you both knew all too well that you were the one that would control the playlists while on road trips with your family and friends.

As you slowly made your way to Ben’s car, you were a lot more quiet than usual. Ben was used to you talking his ear off, telling him all the stories of your adventures you had while you were away.

“Is everything ok, Y/n?”

You knew that he would ask you that very question and debated on whether you would tell him the truth, or tell him the smallest of lies. You felt compelled to tell him the truth, but it would take some time to get there.

“I’m definitely tired. Do you think that maybe we can go for ice cream? I’m not quite ready to go home and just want to hang out with you Ben.”

“I’ll never say no to ice cream! You must want to talk about something though; we never just go for ice cream. Wait a sec……what is his name and do I need to beat him up?”

Not sure how to respond yet again, you stop and look at him before crawling into the car. Looking at Ben’s stature, with was tall and skinny, you weren’t sure that he had the muscles to withstand a fight with anyone.

“You might not want to pick a fight with him, Ben. And if you really want to know, you already know him. His name is Chris…...”

************************************************************************

Chris laid down on the grass, staring up at the clouds through a clearing the in the trees that towered above him. Dodger ran circles around him, stopping every once in a while to lick his face or nudge him in the arm so that he would play with him. He was grateful for the energy of this dog, keeping him on toes and distracting him from what was really going on in his life. He was avoiding his phone and emails for the rest of the day, knowing that he had some work to do.

“Dodge, what am I supposed to do?”

He stopped making circles around Chris and proceeded to lick his face again. It’s like he knew that Chris needed a little extra love and support that day.

“Alright, that wasn’t really the answer I was looking for, but I appreciate all the love you are giving me today, bud. I need it.” 

Chris sat up and pulled Dodger in to give him a hug before getting up to make his way back into the house, where Scott just finished making supper for the two of them.

“Hey Dopey, are you ready to eat something?”

“Yeah.”

Chris quietly took a seat at the kitchen table as Scott dished out some food for him, one scoop at a time, seeing if he would tell him when to stop. Chris sat there just staring at the food piling up, as Scott captured it all on video, figuring that one day Chris will need a good laugh at his own expense.

“Do you know if the kids left any books around here last time they came to visit?”

“I’m pretty sure they did.”

“I need to pick out a children’s book to recommend and I would love it to be one that they like.”

“Why don’t you make it a little more personable and it be one that you always read to them. I’m pretty sure they left the books in your office on the bookshelf, thinking that Uncle Chris might need some easy reading material when they aren’t around. Also, you better eat entire pile of pasta…”

Chris looked down as he dropped his fork on the table, laughing at the sight before him, causing him to shake his head. He picked the fork back up, took a few bites and pushed his plate away.

“Thank you for supper Scott. Just leave the dishes and I will clean them up later.”

“You didn’t even really eat! I’m telling mom!”

“Go ahead!”

Chris left the table on a mission to let his mind escape. He entered his office and b-lined it to the bookshelf that lined the walls across the room from his desk. Starting at the middle of the bookcase, he scoured the shelves for the kids books. He stopped for a moment and realized he was looking in the wrong spot. He turned his eyes downward to the bottom shelf, where the kids could safely reach the shelves. There they were. Nicely placed, looking at if they were meant to be a part of the collection, standing upright thanks to the bookend. Chris sat on the floor against the shelf, looking through the books. There was something about those books that made Chris feel sentimental for a moment. He loved those kids and he loved those books. There was one in particular that stood out to him. It had a picture of a dog on the front that always reminded him of Dodger. The kids loved that book so much because of the dog in the story. You could see the love for that book with the bent corner and chocolate pudding stained pages. This had to be the book that he was going to use for his project.

Scott and Dodger snuck into the office and sat beside Chris, looking through the books with him, noticing the book that was in his hands.

“The kids really do love that book. I should record you reading this book and we should send it to them!”

“You know, that’s not a bad idea. They would love it. Funny voices and all.”

Scott pulled out his phone and started to record the video. Sounding very stately as he started reading; he introduced the author of the book, then the illustrator.

“This book is illustrated by Y/N  Y/L/N………I love how the dog in this book looks like Dodger!!! Here we go. Once Upon a Time…”

Without even noticing, he had said her name aloud. If only he knew…

************************************************************************

It was time for you to show your face at the office. You figured you could just sneak in without anyone noticing, as you were determined to have a productive day, without any distractions. You felt inspired and ready to create some images for the books that were coming across your desk prior to your vacation. Knowing that it would take a few hours to really get the ideas down on paper, you put your head phones on to help you focus. The hours passed without even taking a break. Your boss scared you out of focus as she reviewed your progress and was pleased with the results so far. She was always amazed with your work and your overall work ethic. As she left you to you continue with your work, you noticed that your phone screen was lighting up. It was best that you took a break for a late lunch and to catch up with the messages that were left for you. For the most part, it was your clients wanting to touch base and see how the illustrations were coming along. There were also a few messages from Haley. She usually sent you random jokes or quotes to help you get through your day, but it seemed as if there was something a little more urgent. 5 missed calls and one text stating that you should call her when you get the chance.

You were feeling a little selfish at that moment, but now was not the time for you to get into a serious conversation with her. You ignored her messages, placed the phone out of sight, and got back to work, knowing that all the drawings wouldn’t finish themselves.

************************************************************************

It was a new day, and it was certainly feeling like it for the first time in a few days. With an early start to the day, Chris was productive on answering a series of emails from producers and his agent. Taking a break from this work, he found a spot in the sun filled living room to do some recreational reading. His brother sat across the room from him, staring at his phone, as if he were in a deep text conversation with who knows who. With a lack of desire to spend his time catching up on social media, little did Chris know that Scott had made a little post that morning, captioning it: “Story Time with Uncle Chris”. 

Just as Chris had suspected, Scott was reading through text from friends and a multitude of messages in response to the post. There was so much love for this video, but who wouldn’t fall in love with Chris reading yet another children’s book. Sorting through his direct messages, he saw one titled “I Need Your Help…”. Typically these kinds of messages were from people asking for some kind of hand out to help with their cause and would easily be passed by, but for some reason Scott felt compelled to read this message.

Hey Scott, I know we don’t know each other, but we might have an unexpected connection that I need your help with. My friend Y/n happened to be in Manhattan recently, and was helped out by your brother Chris on a rainy morning in Central Park a couple of days ago. I know she is forever grateful for what your brother did to help out. If you can pass on her thanks to him, I know she would appreciate it. 

Thanks so much, Haley.

Ps. You know that book Chris is reading in your most recent post…Y/n illustrated it!

“Shut up.”

“I’m being quiet, why are you telling me to shut up?” 

“Sorry! I was just reading texts from friends. I thought I said that in my head.”

In complete shock of the message he just read, Scott started to formulate a reply to Haley. With zero confidence in what to say back to her, his response was short and to the point.

Hi Haley, we should chat…

************************************************************************

“You have reached Haley! Sorry I can’t answer your call right now. Either I’m ignoring you, or I’m actually busy. Either way, just text me and I promise to get back to you!”

Her message always made you laugh, as her phone went right to voice mail. She was actually busy on the other line. You felt a little anxious about what she needed to tell you. It was a long day and it felt like you needed a glass of wine to calm your nerves. A nice spot on your balcony looking over the waterfront was the solution. The perks of your job found you living close to the office, in a condo looking over Coal Harbour. It was the dream and you were living it. As you sat down and put your feet up, taking a deep breath, you saw that Haley was now returning your call.

“Hales, I’m sorry that I didn’t return your call earlier. It was a busy first day back at the office.”

“Hi to you too, can you please look at the text I just sent you. But make sure you have me on speaker…please!”

A little puzzled by her request, you put her on speaker and loaded her message.

“What the heck are you sending me? Is this just another gif of a cat dressed up at an old lady?”

“Just watch it.”

The video came up. It was Chris. A smile came to your face. You see him sitting on the floor of what seemed to be a home library or office, with Dodger snuggled in against his leg. He was holding what appeared to be a book. Not really paying attention to what he is saying at the start of the video, you finally focus in on it.

“This book is illustrated by Y/N Y/L/N………I love how the dog in this book looks like Dodger!!! Here we go. Once Upon a Time…”

Your heart stopped. He said your name without even realizing it. You sat in shock as you closed the video, not needing to watch any more of it.

“So…..?”

“He said my name.” 

Staring blankly at the phone, you aren’t too sure what to make of all of this. What were the chances that this would happen?

“Should I bring you more wine?”

“Yes please.”

To be continued in Part IV

[ambwkpopreads]

Jaehyun Oneshot

Hello! Heres a little oneshot ive been working on. Its not edited or anything so Im sorry for anymistakes.

WARNING: Its a bit smutty. A bit angsty, and a but fluffy

 It's one thing being the new girl during senior year of highschool, but it's another when the most attractive, popular guy tries to befriend you. Everyone hated you. No more like all of the girls hated you, making your life living hell.

   For years they have been trying to catch his attention. Going to all of his sports games, cheering him on. Making him lunches, giving him gifts. They were jealous at the fact that all you did was walk into school on your first day and he was looking your way.

   During your first month, the death glares and evil eyes got worse and worse. Were they really that surprised to see a colored gal in their school. It couldn't be- you've seen others. Plenty of others, yet they gave you the same look.

   You met a girl named Max. A smaller Korean girl with really long hair, tied half up and half down.  She was a bit shy but she saw how much you were struggling, she just had to help you. You didn't know what was whispering around school, you just had some bad luck at the new school.

   “I'm Max.” She smiles down at you. You were sitting at a picnic bench in the school's courtyard. It was lunch time, sitting outside was better than being watched in the cafeteria.

   “Um, hi.” You were in awe, this girl. She looks at you with a smile on her face. Not the look of death itself.

   “Okay, I'm not usually like this, but I feel very very bad for you.” She plops down across from you and she pulls her bag off of her shoulders. She unzips it and takes out a brown bag with her name in Korean on it. Must be her lunch. “Like yes, Jung Jaehyung is mighty fine, but honestly to target a girl, especially when she's new.” She is talking to herself as she unpacks her lunch. Some kimbap rolls, and a small container of radish kimchi. Wow. that sounds better then this beef stew and rice the school gave.

   “Wait, wait. Jung Jaehyun? Who? That star player?” You ask her, confused. She sighs and sets her food down, looking back at you.

   “Jung Jaehyun is the school's star player. He is the school's heartthrob. Every girl wants him, every guy wants to be him. Do you see what I'm getting at?” She questions. You nod understanding.

   “Right, but what does that have to do with me?” But she just shakes her head.

   “Yah! If you weren't so oblivious then maybe you wouldn't be struggling so much.” She bursts. Before you could fight back, she continued. “Jaehyun has taken a liking to you. And every girl around here is jealous. Even the ones with boyfriends. One main reason is because you are new, so no girl originally in this school had a chance, and that upsets everyone. It's funny really.” She laughs a bit. But you don't find this funny at all, in fact you're pissed.

   “Are you serious right now? My senior year is going to shit because some pretty boy thinks i'm cute? What shit.” You didn't even want to eat anymore.

   “Just cute?” She gives you a big laugh. “It's funny how oblivious you are. I don't understand how you don't see how many times this man had tried to talk to you. Or tried to get your attention. But you just walk away, not fazed at all. Another reason why every girl here hates you. Because they want to be you.” Her words sound crazy as hell. You have never had anyone ever even think you're cute, and now suddenly the most popular boy likes you. No, you wanted to finish your senior year out with no distractions, and the school hating you didn't help your stress levels.

   “That's just fucking stupid.” You yell, sudden memories clouding your brain.

   It's kind of obvious to what he looked like since his sports pictures were everywhere. You noticed him always looking your way, or smiling. Sometimes even waving. But you never paid any attention. You didn't want to wave back and he was actually waving to someone around you. “You like him too?”

   “If I did I wouldn't be sitting here.” She shrugs. “But I will admit, he is one fine piece of-” Her eyes widen at the end of her sentence. Her whole body freezes up as she looks behind you. Then you suddenly felt a presence behind you. You turn around and see Jaehyun himself standing there.

   “Hi, I noticed you weren't eating, and so I wanted to offer my lunch?” He holds it out. Your eyes widen at the dumplings and the Kimbap next to it. There was also a side of Kimchi and sauce.

   “You've got to be shitting me.” You hear Max mumble behind you.

   “You noticed I wasn't eating. You were watching me?” You look over and see him little friend group that he is always sitting at a table just on the other side of the windows dividing the outside from the in. They all quickly look away when they see you looking.

   “Are you playing some game or something?” You question him, his face was really red, and he didn't know what to say. “Every girl in the school hates me because of you. Can't you target someone else?” You let all your frustrations out on him, all the stress you've been feeling lately.

   “What?” He asks, true confusion running across his face.

   “Like you don't know. I don't know if you like me or something, but just stop. I don't want to date someone like you.” You just couldn't stop. Now that you know the reason and he just came and proved it to you, it just pissed you off. You turn away before he could say anything else.

   It was the next week and Max catches up to you.

   “I still can't believe you told him off like that, I would've at least taken the food.” Max keeps going on. She's been telling you forever it feels like how crazy you are.

   “Look, you can keep going on and on, but I don't want a man who is chased by literally every girl. If I get caught up with him, I'll be just like everyone else. Soon fighting for his attention. I'll pass.”

   “You have a point, but-” There's always a but. “Unlike every other girl around here, he is fighting for your attention.”

   Jaehyun never gave up. He always made you lunch, at some point you just gave up on rejecting it and taking it. But then he would be on your ass about wasting so much food. So then you just stopped getting school lunch and eating his.

   There was a point when he wanted to walk you to class. You obviously didn't want him too, but you can't stop him from walking. You complain about the stares you got, the clear shit talk from everyone around you. He just tells you to ignore them, that he gets them all the time.

   You didn't realize that he also did. You got hate from the girls, and he got hate from the guys. Either pure jealousy, or the fact that they wanted to be him.

   You walked into school one Monday. You wouldn't say you were in a good mood. In fact you were highly irritated. Over the weekend, more rumors were made up. “Jaehyun made a bet.” “Jaehyun just wanted to see if he could snag the new girl.” “He knew her from the past, a long lost love or something.”

   You knew not to believe rumors, but seriously if he just stopped, everything would go away.

   You were so not in the mood to deal with him. When you got into school, you realized the first bell already rang, so the hallways were empty. Not to make any more stress for yourself, you were just going to go to the next one.

   You pull your bag closer to yourself and you walk to the library. When you find a small couch closed off a bit from the rest of the library, you do a little happy dance. You sit down and take a deep breath. It feels like this is the first actual silence you've gotten all weekend.

   You had three months left of this bullshit.

   “YN?” His voice comes out of nowhere, breaking your silence. You actually wanted to scream. You wanted to be upset, but you were actually quite happy he was here.

   You've always wanted to think about how good his hugs would be. How warm he would be. You would be lying if you said you hated when he was around. But you could never admit that. Because as soon as you did, he would leave.

   You need him to leave before you get too attached to the idea of him hanging around.

   He walks around to stand in front of you. Your eyes follow him. He was looking at you with a confused and concerned look.

   “What do you want Jaehyun?” You ask. You tried to sound stern, but you just sounded tired.

   “Something is bothering you, so I'm bothered.” He shrugs. He sets his bag down and sits on the floor across from you. You sighed.

   “Why do you do this?” You ask looking over at him.

   “What am I doing?” He asks.

   “Acting like you care? You're always around? You are making my life so much harder that it already was. How hard is it for you to leave me alone?” You felt yourself start to tear up. You didn't want him to leave, you just wanted baggage to go.

   “I told you to ignore them Yn. They won't go away.” He mumbles, ignoring your questions. Or so you thought. He pulls his legs up to his chest a bit. “When you first came here, when I first saw you, it was like I could see everything clearly again. I know what I wanted.” He sighs. “That didn't come out right.” He puts his legs down. “I've seen how your time here has been, I can't stop these people from saying what they want. But I can try and make you feel better. That's why I've been wanting to make you food, I don't want you eating the shitty lunch. I thought maybe small things like that would make your day better.” He was going on, shocking you. “I won't lie, the fact that you didn't like me, just made me like you even more. Everytime I would walk you to class, you would say little things, either to me or just out loud. I don't know, but I realized that you are different then everyone here. You're like a puzzle I want to put together, ya know.”

   Your eyes were huge in the first sentence. You didn't say anything, so he continued getting more and more nervous, he tried his best to show it. He looks at you in the eyes.

   “All the hate you've been getting, has been getting to me to ya know. I don't want all these stupid rumors to make you think any different of me. I want you to have your own impression. If it makes you feel any better. I haven't had a girlfriend since middle school. To focus on sports.” He mumbles the last part.

   Now, out of all your fantasies, you never thought of a confession like this one. You still couldn't get anything out. Say something!

   The bell rings, telling you to start going to your next class. You quickly grab your bag and leave. Leaving Jaehyun sitting there watching you walk away. He clenches his jaw, realizing half of the words he just said.

   “Fuck, now I've definitly scared her off.”

   He left you alone after that. Which you were happy about for the first couple of days. You got to actually breathe, and get your shit together. He was so distracting, but in a good bad way. You were fighting your own feelings at this point. But everytime you give in, you're left in the dust. You didn't want to feel like everyone else either.

   After a couple of more days, you started to get a bit more sad. Because maybe you walking away that day was the worst mistake you could have made. You shouldn't feel the way you did, you wanted this, you wanted him gone. You hated yourself for getting used to him being around. Then again you did technically reject him. So you shouldnt be sad, you should be glad.

   It Friday now, you were making your way to your locker to grab your things for the weekend. Your mom and dad went on a weekend getaway, so that meant that you had to walk home, also meant you had the whole house to yourself.

A whole week with no Jaehyun, it was strange. You didn't even focus on the stares you got anymore, your mind was filled with him, just like everyone else. You were usually the last in the halls, you hated rushing with the crowd. You start walking down the hallway, towards the front door. Suddenly a door on the left opens and out comes Jaehyun. He's looking down at the floor as he's walking. He looks up noticing someone else in the empty hallway.

   It seems like he was just as shocked as you were to see him. But what did you have to say? Nothing. So you keep walking.

   Jaehyun, once again, watches you walk away. He can feel his eye twitch a bit at the similarity of this situation. He walks up behind you and grabs your hand making you stop walking.

   “Are you goi- Can I walk you home?” He fumbles over his words a bit.

   “Sure Jae.” You say without a second thought. He smiles, but then shakes it off. You turn to walk again, but he stops you again.

   “Can we go to my locker first?” he asks. You don't say anything, but nod. He holds his hand out for you to take. You raise your eyebrow at his need for your hand.

   “Please.” He pouts his lip. You sigh and hold his hand, he was quick to lace your fingers together. His smile is big and bright. You quickly look away, feeling your cheeks burn. God his smile was pretty. He takes you to his locker, a little further into the school then yours was. He tries to unlock his locker with one hand. He fails a bit, clearly needing his other hand. You try to pull yours away, but he pulls back, squeezing it a bit. Then all of a sudden, he opened it. He does a little dance, happy that he wasn't struggling anymore. You had to quickly look away.

   Why is it so hard to look at him? Has he always been this pretty?

   You can look but not touch, you remind yourself. As soon as you do, your eyes go to your laced hands. You look back up too see Jaehyun slinging his backpack over one shoulder. He then shuts the locker and looks down at you.

   “Ready?” He asks you softly. When your eyes connected, they were stuck. All you can hear is your heart beating fast, the only thing you could focus on was his bottom lip tucked under his teeth a bit. His black hair was curly a bit, and hanging a little over his eyes. He shakes his head a bit, giving himself a better view, letting his lip go.

   You quickly nod walking forward, pulling him behind since he wouldn't let your hand go.

   The walk took ten minutes. Hand in hand, walking as if you weren't in a rush. Nothing was said, because your mind was filled with a million words.

   Jaehyun was the same. His heart was beating so fast. He has had a rough week. He didn't want to avoid you, but his friends mentioned that giving you space will make the future better for both of you. He thought it made sense. But before this, you were actually opening up to him. You may not have noticed, but now he knows so many little things about you. Like your favorite food, and color. He was getting somewhere, but now you felt cold. You closed the door before he could get a foot in. He could feel it in your hand. It was just hanging there, as he held it tight. There has to be good things coming from this.

   You turn down the final alleyway, making it to the first door you come to. You turn to him wanting to say something. But he beats you to it, holding your hand up and holding it with both of his hands.

   “Before you say anything, I'm sorry.” He breathes out. “I didn't mean to say all of that to you on Monday. I mean I did, but not like that. You were going through something and I just overwhelmed you more.”

   “Jaehyun why do you like me?” You ask him, not sugar coating anything. He frowns a bit, looking down at the ground. He licks his lips.

   “Truthfully, it was when I first saw you. I thought you were so fucking beautiful. Mhm…” He looks up at you. “I really couldn't get you outta my head. Then it got to the point where my heart was beating out of my chest when you came near me. I knew I was in deep when I heard how much I was contributing to making your life hell. It made me sad that you were sad. You didn't have anyone until Max, I tried to reach out but you just brushed me off, expected. I just wanted to show you that I was here for you and no one else.” His eyes bored into yours. His words shocked you to the core. “I'm sorry for not speaking to you all week. Only excuse I have is that I want you to be happy, and I'll do anything to make sure of just that.”

   “Avoiding me for a week doesn't help anything. It doesn't make any sense, how can you just leave so easily if you supposedly like me.” You were getting frustrated. Thankfully there was no one around. “I don't want to give in to you and these stupid feelings I have, just to have you walk away.” Your words made Jaehyun’s heart drop to his ass. He will never listen to his friends again.

   No one says anything for a moment.

   “Feelings?” Jaehyun's voice was soft. Whisper like.

   “I-Just stop being all flirty if you're going to avoid me like you don't know me. My heart can't handle that. I know that I wasn't the nicest to you, but you make me feel so warm and fuzzy-” He cuts off your rambling by raising his hands to your face.

“Please don't get worked up, I promise I won't do that again.” His face was close to yours. His lips grazed yours as he spoke to you. You were trapped between the brick walls and him in front of you. Your body was on fire, your knees felt weak.

You push him away quickly, you take your right hand and beat on the chest of your heart slightly.

“Stop doing that.” You fan yourself. “Being all cute and teasing me like that. I can't take that from you.” You felt out of breath.

Jaehyun looks down at your red burning cheeks. He smiles in awe at you- so fucking cute.

“Either kiss me or don't.” You mumble, not thinking he could hear you. But oh did he. You gave him permission. “Thanks for walking me home.” You could feel his eyes looking down at you. You look back up at him, and pull your hand away. You turn and open the door, before you step in, you look back at him.

“I think-I think it would be best if this is the last time we talk to each other.” You quickly go in and shut the door. You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to drown out his voice calling your name. You realized how far deep you are, and you needed it to stop now. You refused to get hurt. Stopping it now, before anything else could happen. It was right.

It was so easy for him to walk away, probably not having a thought about you. All while you couldn't stop thinking of him. This decision might hurt you for a while, but it'll save you in the long run.

Hopefully.

   You go up to your bedroom and call Max on your computer, using facetime. You both talk about how horrible certains classes are. She talks about the recent animes she's been into, telling you to write some down so you can see what she's talking about. You try to laugh along to her ramblings but everything was just off.

“Okay, what happened?” She stops talking about what her dog was eating, and stares at you through her screen, waiting.

“Jaehyun.” You say simply, knowing she wasn't going to stop asking.

“Spill!” She yells, getting excited.

“I-I don't know Max. He pretty much confessed to me twice. And- and I pushed him away.” You blurt, your eyes were already starting to tear up. The fact that Max wasn't saying anything, didn't make anything better. “It's better this way though, I won't get hurt. I refuse to fall for some pretty boy.” You shake your head.

“You are crazy, my friend. You are going to regret this.” She says seriously shaking her head. You were shocked at her words, expecting her to side with you. “Look I'm sorry, but I stand by the truth. I promise you he just got lucky with the look, Jaehyun is the God gifted person. He is one of a kind. There is a reason why he is the school's star student, without him, our school wouldn't have a name.” She rants. The school is pretty small.

   “You need to fix this, I promise you, you will love me forever for convincing you.” She starts again. “You are self sabotaging, and I won't allow it.” She crosses her arms, and nods her head with a pout. Her facial expression makes you smile a tiny bit. You knew she was right, you were literally pushing him away, hurting him in the process of trying not to get hurt. That's not fair. You should at least try.

You really do know how to fuck shit up.

“Now I have to wait until Monday.” You mumble.

“Mhm no you don't. This girl Minji, she's having a party, he usually goes.” She spins around in her chair.

“Absolutely not. Are you kidding me? Everyone hates me.” You instantly shut it down.

“No, she doesn't. She's one of the girls with a boyfriend.”

“Then go with me.”

“EH! NO! I went once, and never again!!” Gosh, she could be so dramatic.

“I think I'm just going to go on a walk or something, take time to think. I can't let this stress me out.”

“You won't be if you just give into your obvious feelings.”

You lay down in your bed, thoughts never stop coming to you. You go through so many emotions as you think about everything. All you wanted is to go back in time. You weren't this type of person, yes you didn't want to hurt, but you also fought back. Deep down you know Jaehyun is an amazing person, but you werent and that was the problem.

You turn your head and take a look at the clock on the side table. It was almost midnight, you might as well sleep at this point.

   The next morning, you make yourself some breakfast and start working on your homework that you had for the weekend. You hated dragging it out and would rather get it done all at once.

   Hours pass when there's a knock on the back door. You frown and look up at the door, Jaehyun's voice pops into your head from him yelling out your name yesterday. You sigh, shaking your head softly wanting the thought to go away. You stand up and walk over to the door. You open the curtain a bit to see who was outside, and too see him there. Your eyes widen and you gasp closing the curtain.

   “Can we talk?” He asks through the door.

   “I'm not even dressed. I'll see you Monday.” You yell through the door. You look down at your pajamas, sweats and a tank top. No bra.

   “Then put some clothes on, I need to talk to you.” His voice was loud enough for you to hear. You sighed, knowing that this was your fucking chance to make the right choice.

   “Well can you wait one second?” You ask.

   “Yes of course,” You hear him laugh a little. You quickly run to your room and put on a sweatshirt. You also brush your hair up and into a ponytail. You washed your face real quick, making sure everything was good. You brush your teeth for the second time this morning.

   You go back and finally open the door. He was still standing there waiting, with a small smile on his face. You were horrified with yourself. He looked so good, with his hair a bit wavy, in an expensive looking knitted sweater. He looked so good out of school uniform. Then there's you, sleeping in on a saturday and looking like a troll while doing homework.

   You let him in, he looks around the room, with his eyes landing on yours as he turns around. You didn't know what to do, say, or where to go. You look down at the table covered in your school work. You walk over to it and start to organize it again.

   “So whats up?” You ask him. Your voice comes out a lot weaker than expected.

   “I refuse to give up-I can't give up.” He speaks softly. The air around you two turned thick. You look up at him, frozen mid paper shuffle. He looks up at you and licks his lips. “I just want to tell you that you don't have to be scared. I promise you that I won't hurt you.” His eyes bore into your. Your cheeks are set ablaze. You look back down, tapping the paper on the table, as if they weren't already neat. So many things you could say back, what to say. His feet walk closer to you. His hand reaches out and he grabs your wrist. He gently takes the papers and tucks them in a book and closes it. He grabs both of your hands, and you couldn't help but to lace your fingers through his. He squeezes your hands with his. He gives you a soft smile.

   Fuck hes so pretty.

   You look down, your whole face now burning.

   He was waiting for you to say something, anything. And you should, he has said so much and you just ran away. But now you can't, you won't.

   “Jaehyun, this is all very foreigne to me. I never was pretty enough to anyone- I was never enough. I'm scared as hell yes, because I've been hurt before, and I refuse to.” No one ever tried this hard.

   “I'm so sorry. You deserve so much, and I want to attempt to give you everything.” One of his hands let go of one of yours, and grabs on to your waist, slowly pulling you closer. You couldn't help but to lean forward and lay your head on his chest softly. You close your eyes and take a deep breath. You wanted to laugh.

   “Jaehyun, you are so good with your words. Practice a lot?” You ask him, teasing. You wonder how many girls he had said this to. But his face confuses you a bit, he looks as if you caught him in the act of something bad. Then he quickly looks away, laughing.

   “Yes actually, all morning.” His words come out soft, they also make your head snap up, looking at him. He then pulls you all the way into his arms. Your eyes roam all over his face. His skin was so perfect, eyes low and dark. His lips, so moist and inviting.

   “You put this ball of light in me, and it keeps growing and growing. Everytime you glance my way, my heart skips a beat. I have goosebumps running down my spine just because you're in my arms. I heard a third time a charm, after this, I'll go if you want me to. But I think that you want this, but you're nervous. I understand, I just need you to understand that I got you baby.” His voice was silky. As he spoke, he got closer and closer. His words ending near your ear. Your eyes roll back a bit as goosebumps prickle your skin.

   What would happen if you kissed him? Would he kiss back? Would he push you away because he didn't want to be kissed?

   Fuck, you really wanted to kiss him. Why the hell not.

   Your right hand raises up to his cheek. Your thumb running over his cheek softly. He stares down at you, letting you do whatever you please. Your hand runs farther, past his ear, deeper into his hair. You pull him closer, and he follows with no hesitation. You don't stop until you feel his lips on yours. It was like a bubble popped and you couldn't stop.

   He pulls away a bit harshly looking down at you. His lips turned red and his hair a bit wild since your hand was all through it.

   Oh no, did you do something wrong?

   He suddenly backs you up a bit. His hands go onto your waist and quickly lifts you and sits you on the counter. You were a bit shook. Did this man just lift you?

   You watch him as he opens your legs a bit and stands between them. He leans in, close to your face.

   “Again.” And he kisses you again. He moans against your lips, sending vibrations from your lips and down. You can tell he tried to take it a bit slow, but you felt as if you had a bit of an advantage. You were positioned higher than him, so you easily laced your fingers through his hair and pulled him closer, making his face look up a bit more. You start to control the kiss, you tongue running across his lips, wanting him to open up. He lets you, easily.

   He has thought about this moment for so long. He dreamed of these lips.    

   As one hand tugs on his hair, the other runs up and around. Damn, why does this feel so good?    You pull away, and you gasp softly for air. His hands grab your waist and he tugs you closer, your crotch lining right up with his. This definitely had you gasping for air. His lips trail down and all over your neck. Sucking and nibbling in different areas. He kept going until he reached a certain spot that made you melt.

   “Jae…” You moan softly into his ear as he marks your skin. He reacts by biting down pretty hard on your neck, but then licking the same area.

   “Can I touch you?” His words were soft, and gentle. But you froze up, and you pulled away. Your body did not want to be away, but your brain wasn't ready to comprehend that. You shake your head, unable to speak because of the previous actions. You shy away, afraid that he would be upset. They always are, then it just makes everything worse. You don't know if you could be rejected by Jaehyun.

   “No, no it's okay.” He grabs your hands in his.

   “I haven't done anything like that Jae, and I clam up everytime someone wants too. I just don't think I'm ready yet.” You mumble looking down at your joint hands. Your heart was beating in your ear. Your nerves were going wild. One of his hands rises, and tilts your head up a little and he kisses you softly on your lips.

   “We don't have to do anything you don't want to.” He smiles at you. He moves a bit, and that's when you notice that he was hard as hell. Then you notice how awkward he was standing, and must be very uncomfortable.

   Now you don't mind touching him…

   “Can I touch you?” You throw his words back at him. His eyes catch yours. You didn't mind doing that, in fact you really wanted to. You wanted to see his face when you made him cum. Your eyes caught him biting his bottom lip. “Is that too much?” You question him, feeling a bit uneasy under his intense stare.

   “Mhm, I go at your pace.” He says deeply. You get down and grab his hand taking him up to your room. You shut your door and take a deep breath. You turn around and put a hand on his chest, wanting to push him down onto your bed. But he grabs your wrist slightly and leans forward. He kisses you softly and gently, he pulls away slowly, and looks down at you.

   “You don't have to do this…” His lips graze yours. One of his hands skim over your cheeks, he looks at you with so much adoration.

“I put you through a lot lately. I want to make up for it.”

“These are enough…” His thumb plays with your bottom lip. You whine a bit, pushing yourself against him.

“Can I touch you now?” You pout, your fingers looping through his belt loop. “I don't wanna pressure you, bu-”

“Please touch me.” He captures your lips in his again. And your hands instantly start roaming everywhere. You lift his shirt up a bit, feeling the ridges on his torso. You groan against his lips. His body was hot, he was hot, everything was hot.

And too good to be true.

You pull away, and push him down onto your bed. He goes to unbutton his pants, but you stop him. You push him some more so that he is now laying down. You lift his shirt a bit, exposing his v-line and more. He leans up a bit, flexing for you. You couldn't help yourself, since he marked you up, it's only fair to do it back. You lean down and attach your lips right above his pants button. His body twitches a bit, not expecting a kiss in that exact area. Your lips send waves of pleasure through his body, and you've barely done anything.

He needed a release so badly, and the fact that you offered, he would've come in his pants right there.

All over his waistline, you leave marks. Big ones too. While doing that, you've managed to unbutton and unzip his pants. They were already pretty low on his waist, making it easy for him to push them down a bit, allowing you to grab him in your hands.

“Hmm.” He moans and you move your hand up and down a bit. He looks directly at you, you make sure you keep eye contact as you go down and give him a couple of kitten licks on the tip.

“Fuck..” He sighs, sounding out of breath. He falls back on the bed, allowing you to proceed.

If a dick could be perfect, it would be his. He was a grower, forsure. One vein running around it, the tip bright red. You wanted to make it shiny with your saliva, you always found pretty cocks to be so aesthetically pleasing.

You started going at it, taking him in as far as you could go. Which in this case, you could take him whole. He reached your max. He was perfect.

You frowned when you realized he was holding back his moans. You let up, stroking him slowly.  

   “Why are you holding in your moan, Jaehyun? I want to hear how good I'm making you feel.” You suck on his tip a couple times, your tongue playing around it.

   “Fuck-I just...I didn't want to be too loud.” His voice laced with moans.

“Don't hold them in, it makes me upset.”  You quickly go back down on him, helping him chase his high. His cries break out and the sudden intenseness. His stomach was feeling tingly.

   “Look at me.” You mumble. He leans up on his elbows and he looks right at you. His face was burning red, and his hair was a mess, from his own hands going through it. He watches you as you take him all the way in. Just the sight of you alone could make him cum.

   His eyes start to roll to the back of his head, his brows frown and his mouth is open wide. He tries to keep his eyes on you. But when you bring a hand up to his ball, he loses it. His hand goes up to your hair and he pushes you down a bit.

   “Fuck, I'm so close, i'm so close. Please… please. I need this, I need you.” He mumbles under his breath as he starts to fuck into your mouth. His words make you moan around him, breaking him.

   “Fuuuuhck.” He falls back on the bed, his body losing control a bit. You don't let up, testing his overstimulation reaction.

   “Holy-holy shit.” His body spazzes a bit. “Keep going and I'll get hard again.” He warns, voice weak. But you let up, knowing your throat was going to be a bit sore. When you swallow everything in your mouth, his body swings up and he kisses you.

   “That-that was amazing.”

“Mhm,” You smile and peck his lips again. You get up and go to your bathroom to quickly run some mouthwash through your mouth. You couldn't help but to wonder what's going to happen next. Was he going to leave? Did he feel awkward now? Were you even as good as he says you are? You look into the mirror, seeing red marks all over your skin. You knew those were going to be darker soon.

You go back to the room, seeing Jaehyun sitting on your bed, looking out the window. You quickly run up to him and push him back. You climb on his lap and put his arms above his head.

“Who allowed you to mark my neck up?” You shake your head down at him, trying to hold back a smile. His surprised face turned into a sly one, he bits his bottom lip and quickly flips you over, so now you were in the exact position, you were just on the bottom. Your hands above your head. With his strength, you could barely move.

“Everytime I see you, I crave you more and more. I can't help but want to just eat you.” He says smiling softly. But his eyes were dark. He leans down and kisses you softly, taking your bottom lip and sucking on it a little. A moan escaped your throat.

“So sweet.” He croaks, before diving down for more of you. You give him as much as you can. You both kiss each other with so much emotion. Showing eachother how much they want this. Saying everything that could never actually be said.

You pull away, everything is hot and tingly again.

“You have to be the strong one and pull away, please.” You capture his lips again, getting your last kiss in. How could you get so turned on from a kiss. He moans against your lips. Letting one of your hands go, he caresses your cheek, pulling away. He hops off and clears his throat. You sit up, in a state of shock. You didn't not expect this today.

“Um, I don't really feel like getting ready for the day. So wanna order some food?” You look up at him. He looks at you with a confused look on his face. “Or if you want to leave, you can do that t-”

“Let's order, I'll pay.” He smiles widely at you.

[chasseurdeloup-retired]

Older and Far Away || Alain and Kaden

TIMING: Not long after Tommy’s death LOCATION: Hospital PARTIES: @carbrakes-and-stakes and @chasseurdeloup SUMMARY: Alain confronts Kaden after his run in with Tommy in the woods.

Kaden hated hospitals. He hated staying in them. He hated being in them. He hated them more when he felt like he put someone else in them. It meant he was trapped there, feeling guilty and waiting and he didn’t have to be there. Which was a lie. He had to be there. Even if this wasn’t his fault, Kaden had to be there. It was just what he had to do for his friend. If the situation was reversed, he was sure Alain would feel the same. So he sat there and waited outside the room, watching as doctors and nurses went in and out. He wondered when he should go in and wait inside but he didn’t feel ready yet. He wasn’t sure Alain was either. But he was going to be there and he was going to wait. Maybe he should have grabbed a book or something to keep his mind occupied while he waited. Of course, it probably wouldn’t have made a difference one way or the other. He couldn’t keep his mind off of what happened, couldn’t focus on anything else. When the doctor came out of the room again, Kaden figured it was now or never. He was likely awake. And it had been long enough since he checked in. Maybe his friend would actually want to see his face. Wouldn't blame him if he didn’t, though. “Hey,” he said softly as he tapped on the door before walking in. “I, uh, there’s food here. That I brought. If you want. The dogs are fed and walked. Um…” His voice trailed off. He didn’t even know where to begin. Asking if he was okay was pointless. “How are you feeling? You know, other than shitty.”

Alain also hated hospitals. He hated them so much he usually left during the night, when he knew no one was going to bother stopping him. In White Crest, the hospital staff was easily overwhelmed, and he often wondered how worse it would be, if it weren’t for hunters. He would never be able to hunt ever again, this much he knew. Aside from the pain, or the obvious absence of his limb, Alain’s thoughts went to his duty, that he no longer would be able to fulfill. 47 years old and good for the scrap yard. Heh, for a hunter, this was quite good. Most of them did not live this long, and now that he was injured, he’d probably live long enough to outlive much younger hunters.

Putain. Would he outlive Kaden? Lost in his thoughts, he responded mechanically to the doctor and the nurse’s questions and demands. How are you doing this morning? How do you feel? Is the medicine strong enough? Any side effects? Then the doctor left, the nurse helped him clean up without touching the bandages, helped him change, helped him get back in bed, and made sure he had everything he needed. Then she left. She had left his reading glasses in the bathroom. Well great. Pinching at the bridge of his nose, he picked up the book on the bedside table and started to have a look at it. That’s when he heard the knock on the door. Was it the nurse coming back? Non. “Hi,” alright, he could do this. He did not want food, he barely had managed to finish the soup provided by the hospital. His appetite just wasn’t there. “Maybe later,” he replied, forcing himself to smile politely briefly, turning his head to put down the book and get rid of that fake expression on his face. An air of melancholy started to appear on his features, one that he got rid of almost immediately. “Thanks for walking them. I hope they aren’t too worried,” he frowned, scratching at his cheek. This was another thing he had been thinking of lately. He had had a lot of time to think, but that did not mean that all his thoughts made sense. Not even close. “I’m okay,” he assured him. The obvious absence of one leg under the covers told a different story, as did the IV, or the even more obvious : he was in a damn hospital.

Kaden knew damn well he wasn’t going to eat the food he brought. He sat the tupperware and utensils on the bedside table anyway before settling down into the chair. “Maybe later,” he echoed. What he couldn’t manage to echo was the traces of smiles and politeness that Alain was pulling onto his face. He leaned forward in his seat, forearms crossed and leaning against his leg. “Don’t mention it,” he said quickly. Maybe too quickly. He was fairly certain he wasn’t going to stop feeling like shit over this whole mess anytime soon. “They’re fine, they’re good boys. I’m sure they’d rather have seen you than me, but, uh, yeah.” Shit. Walking them in general was out for a bit with him, wasn’t it? No, he needed to stop thinking about what Alain’s life would be like now. He didn’t know. Neither of them did. It would surely be different and hard for a while, maybe a long while, but it wasn’t like this was the middle ages. And he wasn’t dead. He still had plenty he could do. Maybe he even got to be normal. Shit. “You don’t have to lie to me,” he said, voice tight, smaller than he wanted it to be. He couldn’t command mastery of these sorts of conversations like Morgan could. But he could try. “If you’re not okay. Or want me to go you can say so.” I’d deserve that, he thought.

Alain nodded. It was not much, and he did not expect anyone to buy that he was fine, but when you had spent your whole life with the belief that you had to be brave, no matter what, it was hard to shake it off, when the last thing you were feeling, was bravery. He felt broken, damaged, incomplete, lost, and even though he had had a few people manifest themselves, offering help in many forms, he felt abandoned too. This was something that he hoped he’d never ever have to feel again, after his father’s passing. But in the past few months, he had felt it twice. Right now, and when Evelyn and he went on different roads. Of course, he had had time to think about her these last days, wondering if things would have gone better or worse, had he never had to face a mara in his life. Who knew? Certainly not him.

The conflict laid in the fact that on the one hand, Alain had every right to be angry about what had happened, to be angry at Kaden, or at that stupid bear, at the whole world, and on the other hand, he knew that if there was someone to be furious at, it was him, for putting himself in this position, for following the code when he had so many opportunities to leave town and build a life, a much simpler life somewhere else. He had always known that this could not end well, but stupidly, he always had thought that things would be different for him, that he was special, that things like that only happened to others. How foolish. This was something he would have to live with, his own stupidity, and his ego, as broken as it might have been now.

“Mmmh?” Well, pretending to be fine would prove hard, if he kept getting carried away by his stream of thoughts, Alain told himself. “That’s fine. I’m just not sure my place is going to be suitable for a wheelchair, to be honest” he was not sure yet whether a prosthetic leg could be possible or not. Either way, living in the middle of nowhere would be out of the question anyway. Driving would be too, for a while. Driving stick would be impossible for sure. There were too many incertain things now for Alain to feel comfortable about his future. “If you know anyone in real estate, let me know, alright?” Heh, having easy access to everything would be a nice change, at least. The turn that the conversation was taking, however, was not. Alain resented Kaden for what had happened, but he refused to tell him that, and so he had assured anyone who asked that no, he was not holding a grudge against the other hunter. Lies. He hated those, but he would hate even more for Kaden to be hurt, as he had so obviously shown in the clearing. “Kaden, look,” he rubbed at his face, exhaled and pulled the covers from his leg to reveal the bandaged stump. The other hunter had not seen it (at least a cleaned up version of it) yet, and while there was nothing that could scare an expert hunter here, the absence of a leg was not a sight for everyone. This was his reality now, and if Kaden wanted to get real, he would have to see this. “No, I’m not okay, and yes, you have your part of responsibility, but you already know that, and there’s no point in me adding more to your guilt, is there?” He doubted that Kaden wanted more guilt, but maybe lying to him was not a solution either. “Either way, I would have never ever left you there, in front of that bugbear, alone. I don’t know what happened, I don't know why you froze, and if you want to discuss it, we can, but only if it helps,” it needed to be addressed but Alain doubted that this would be easy. And maybe this would not help, but they had to talk about this.

Kaden awkwardly rubbed his palm against the crook of his elbow, mouth pulling into a thin line. “Right but odds are you won’t need one forever. They talked to you about prosthetics, right? And crutches are probably an option in the meantime, too.” Was he being too hopeful? He wasn’t sure. Funny, he never considered himself an optimist of any sort, not with his life. But more and more he found himself putting more and more hope into things. That they’d get better, that they’d be better, that tomorrow would be different. He had no reason to believe it, either. He supposed some of his friends were rubbing off on him. Whether that was setting him up for disappointment later he wasn’t sure. Probably. His stupid heart didn’t stop hoping, though. There was no denying that the hunter’s life was going to change one way or another. How much was the question now, not if. “You’re going to move?” He shook his head. That seemed like too much, too impulsive. A bad idea. But he didn’t know how to articulate it any more than he did when trying to tell Regan not to live in a shed. Practically speaking, it made sense. It still felt wrong. There was no logic to it, and he hated that, but it didn’t change the matter.

As Alain pulled the sheet of his leg, Kaden kept his eyes trained forward, barely blinking. He wanted to look away, not out of disgust, he’d had more than enough training to be desensitized to gore and injuries, his parents made sure of that. No, he wanted to turn away out of shame and guilt. He didn’t. He clenched his jaw and kept his eyes fixed at his friend instead. For a while, he stood there silently, still unsure of what to say. Apologies seemed both necessary and hollow all at the same time. “I know you wouldn’t have left me.” The words hung in the air for a few moments more. “You shouldn’t have had to make that choice. I failed.” The word hit his stomach like a punch to the gut, but he didn’t let it show on his face. For whatever reason, he felt like he was just a teenager again, reporting his efforts on a hunt to his parents, having to own up to all his mistakes and take the critique. He wasn’t sure why, it’s not like Alain was much like his mother or father on the whole. And yet he fell back in step into the role anyway. “It won’t happen again. I’m not going to let it.” Not that he would be out there with him any time soon, if ever again. Shit. “I made a mistake. If you blame me you should do it. There’s no reason not to. But it won’t happen again.” Maybe if he said it he could mean it. To mean it, he’d have to examine why it happened and it was something he hardly wanted to touch, like a bomb waiting to go off or floodgates about to open up and release the dam.

Both Alain and Kaden came from extremely exigent families, with their ancient guidelines, their codes, and a special set of skills that they had both memorized. Kaden’s abilities as a hunter were not to be questioned, as far as the slayer was concerned. The beast hunter was capable, and he knew werewolves possibly more than any other hunter in this town. But, just like many hunters, both had parents who tried to mold them to their psychological image to the point where learning to think for yourself could take a while. Alain, who had not seen any of his family members for over 20 years still had moments where he caught himself feeling like he was possessed by his own father. This was not something that Alain had ever shared with anyone. Right now, he wondered how his family would feel about this, and it was a relief for him to realize that he had absolutely no idea of how. Would they be proud or disappointed? Who knew. A time would come where he would stop to care about their hypothetical opinion, but today was not that day.

“Crutches are an option. The surgeon was positive about the possibility of a prosthetic leg, but the physiotherapist… well, he’s chatty, and…” What he had to say was not as enthusiastic… Without naming anyone, he still had managed to make Alain very concerned and so, his grimace finished his sentence. Either way, things would be different for Alain. No more hunting either way, although if it all went for the best, he could hope to go back to work. His main problem then would be being able to afford the prosthetic leg. “I would stay in town,” he supposed that this was Kaden’s concern. Where else would he be going anyway? Everyone he knew lived here. “I just don’t want to be in the middle of nowhere, in a two floor house,” he cleared his throat. Clearly, the man was not thrilled about the idea. He liked his house, and he liked his garden even more. Finding a place with one floor, with a garden, in the city center, would be a feat.

A few seconds passed before Alain realized that Kaden would stubbornly keep looking at the damn remains of his legs. Putain de chasseurs. There were all the same, weren’t they. Well, almost the same. Some unpredictability remained, much to Alain’s disservice. The sheets fell back on the stump, and Alain felt the same way he felt each time he did something concerning his leg, he felt like it was still there.

Still, he did not get lost in his thoughts this time. Whether it was the tone or the words, he did not know, but hearing fail had Alain stop what he was doing to look at Kaden directly, which was not something he had done since the moment the man had entered the room. He wished that he had replied right ahead, but there was no point correcting him. Yeah, he did fail, and someone had to pay the price. Still, looking at Kaden say that he would not do it again, he felt like he was looking at a child, or like he had stepped once again into his father’s shoes. “I do blame you, but that does not mean I won’t forgive you,” he could not lie to his face, not when he was looking so vulnerable. Forgiveness was not for today. His heart felt heavy in his chest, yet he could not look away from Kaden, studying his reaction. If he had been capable of that, he would have gotten up, and put a hand on his shoulder, given him a slap on the arm, anything to comfort him. But he could not, and so, he asked him: “Come here, you’re gonna make me cry, andouille.”

Kaden’s face remained blank. As best he could. He tried to keep his expression serious, stoic, something like that. He didn’t want this to be about him. He didn’t need to betray his emotions or beg for pity. That’s what his mother would say. Tears were useless and if he was going to cry he could save it for his pillow. Even though deep down, he knew Alain would never think like that, would never say that, all his training from years past decided now was the time to resurface. Good. He needed the reminder. He put someone in the hospital. He put his friend in the hospital because he was rusty or unprepared or whatever they wanted to call it. The point was he had let his training slide, he let the code slide, and it cost people.

Kaden stood there and braced himself for what was next, the yelling or scorn or anger, perhaps disappointment, whatever was set to boil over from across the way from the man currently bed bound. He waited, ready for something akin to punishment. It was what he deserved. He’d take it, accept it. Only it didn't come. His stoic face shifted to confusion. Kaden tried to tuck it away, erase his emotions, keep them from betraying him and causing more trouble. It grew harder, though, when he was forgiven. “No,” he said reflexively. “No, you shouldn’t--” Kaden didn’t deserve a pass. Of any kind. The guilt sinking deep into his bones told him that he didn’t earn it. He wanted anger or ire or even disappointment, it would be easier. Easier to keep it all inside and push forward. He bit the inside of his mouth and nodded, walking forward. “I’m sorry,” he offered, biting harder on the lining of his lips after he spoke. If he focused on the pain, maybe the rest would subside. The tears could wait for his pillow. He was going to make them.

Alain’s eyebrows furrowed, and he did not even try to hide his confusion. Was it something he said that might have … “I said I will forgive you, I didn’t say that I already have,” that would have been simply inadequate. Alain was not ready for forgiveness. He was furious, even if he tried not to show it. He wanted to scream his anger and his pain at Kaden’s face, and yet, he could not seem to find the words or the energy to do so. He had been lacking energy lately. First he put that on the account of the lack of sleep, the nightmares, but while that certainly made it worse, he was simply tired, torn between his duties as a hunter, his career as a mechanic, his social life, and last but not least, himself. Finding a balance between all four of these things was a near impossible task that he had tried to achieve his whole life. And once in a while, one of those things crumbled. He felt like he was not competent enough, or he watched his social circle crumble with each death of a fellow hunter, or each person who found out who he was. It was like trying to keep your balance while standing on marbles. It crumbled. And inexorably, Alain always fell down. “I’ll never be able to hunt, ever again,” he observed. Not the best thing to say to someone who was apologizing to him perhaps, but this was what he had to say. The words came out colder than he imagined they would have. Maybe this would be how he would express his anger. “Those days are gone, forever,” there was a quiver that tugged at the corners of his mouth,  and the trembling of his voice suggested something else than anger. He was not angry, was he? No, this was wrong. He was simply devastated. Losing this was too much of a price to pay. What would he do if he could not fulfil his mission anymore? He was good for the scrap yard. The thought was like an echo. This was not his first time thinking this. No, that thought came back to him. It had come back to him several times already, these past couple of days.

“I don’t forgive you,” and he might never forgive. Why should he? Did he have to? Was it the right thing to do? Or did he have a right to be furious, to be infuriated that he had to pay for the mistakes of someone else? He had made a choice, he had decided that he would protect him. It was his own fault. His thoughts spiraled again and again as he tried, yet another time, to figure out who’s fault it was.

Kaden stood still and took his comeuppance. He didn’t feel the need to reiterate what he said before. Alain shouldn’t forgive him. If he couldn't forgive himself, why should the man missing a leg? His face remained stoic as Alain made his confession, his jaw clenched as he listened. His first thoughts went to denial, hope, but then he was struck by a question. The very question that kept plaguing him more and more often recently. It kept nagging at him, tugging at his shirt tails. It didn’t help that Regan kept asking it, too. It didn’t help that Oscar assumed the answer for him. But this wasn’t a question for him. It was for Alain. “Do you want to hunt again?” What should have had an easy answer, something that used to be black and white, felt uncertain. He had to ask. No amounts of platitudes or solutions would be right unless he knew that much. There were enough times Kaden didn’t know the answer for himself. But Alain looked broken, in more ways than one. Would Kaden feel the same if he couldn’t hunt again? He used to know. Now he wasn’t sure in the slightest.

“Do I want to hunt again?” Alain repeated the question, but his tone was different as he said those words, as if this was such a foolish thing to ask. Force of habit. This was a question that he had asked himself each time he had ever ended up needing stitches, a cast, or with head trauma. But each time he got back on his feet, and he kept going. Something had changed. Was it years and years of hunting that had ended up breaking something inside, or had this been the last straw? After all, there was no getting back on his feet now. The symbolism of it might have not been the most poetic, but it meant something. “I can’t,” he covered his mouth, his thumb resting on the cheekbone as he thought about it. “I thought that he was going to kill me,” half the sentence was lost in his hand. His chest lifted up even though his heart felt heavy. While the hunter almost never cried, his voice kept on breaking and trembling and the humidity of his eyes betrayed him. He was not sure why he bothered hiding his sorrow, his anger or his pain, in front of one of the few people who could understand it. Once again, he might have been trying to preserve others before taking care of himself. Even when he was not hunting, he always had this urge to protect others, didn’t he. Most of the time, he was incredibly clumsy about it too, but he still tried. “No, I don’t want to hunt again. I don’t want to keep on sacrificing myself for…” For nothing. All his life he had done this, and it never stopped, it was never getting better. You just couldn’t win against a species that could hide and live forever, and also contaminate the rest of the population like a plague. Things would be worse if they weren’t there, but when was the last time someone had been thankful for hunters. He was tired. “I’m so tired Kaden, you will be too, if you live long enough,” he paused. This was the one thing he wanted to discuss. “I don’t know what happened over there, and I don’t understand either what happened but if you can’t fix this, then you should not be out there,” getting himself killed would be all that he would gain.

“I’ve seen hunters in the field with multiple missing limbs, Alain. Can’t might not be the right word.” Kaden tore his gaze from him and wished there was a window, anything to look out of. There was nothing but the soft hum of fluorescent lighting and he didn’t want to sear his eyes looking at those. Floor would have to do for a moment. “We’re some of the most resilient people out there,” he said, looking back at his friend. He didn’t have to say what he meant by we. Hunters knew. They knew better than anyone how many times they got knocked down and got back up, how many times they faced death and lived to fight another day. If anyone could do what felt or seemed impossible, it was them. They did it all the time. This could easily be one of them if he wanted it. But he’d have to want it. And he didn’t. Kaden didn’t know what to make of it, to have that question answered so easily after everything. He’d been wrestling with it himself for months and, hell, maybe longer if he really thought about it. “Okay,” was all he could manage to say. “You might… just. Think about it.” Maybe it was just a knee jerk reaction to everything. Considering. There was no way he could mean that so surely right now. And for as much as he hated thinking about that gnawing, biting question nipping at his heels, he hated the one that came next more. “I-- I’m not sure.” He kept his face stark and blank as he could manage. “I just thought… I’m not sure.” He did have an inkling of why. When he’d looked at the bear back there, he’d seen a person. And he hated himself for it. “It won’t happen again, though. I’ll make sure. I’ll train harder. I’ll-- It’s not going to happen again.”

“It’s not about the damn fucking leg,” Alain had switched to French without even noticing. This change happened whenever the man hurt himself, was struggling to do something, or in this case, letting the anger take over. Sitting straighter in his bed, he breathed in heavily, as an attempt to calm himself down. A failed attempt. He breathed out just as heavily. His blood was pounding so much he could hear it. He wanted to get away from here, just change the subject, and for a second, he contemplated it, his eyes travelling from Kaden to the wheelchair in the corner. Why the fuck was it so far away? Fucking doctors. Fucking hospital. He took a deep breath again. This is fine, he could explain why he had said that. He did not want to, was not used to, he could not. He did not want to complain, he did not want people to have to listen to this crap, think that he was just over reacting, or that this was his fault, which it was really. No one wanted to listen to a grown man complaining. His breathing eventually paced down, growing more silent, as Alain kept on staring blankly at that damn wheelchair, thinking about all that sorrow he had inside of him, that he couldn’t seem to shake off. “You must think I’m a bloody coward,” he finally said.  Maybe he was. There was something cowardly about doing this. Kaden was right, Alain knew plenty of hunters with a prosthetic limb, and he could just get back on his feet, once again, but did he want to? He did not want to. He wanted to retire and pretend to be normal and maybe, if he were lucky, pretending would lead to actually being normal. One could hope. But he did not have much of that these days.

Was it so wrong to want what he had always been denied ? Was it so wrong to get rid of the thing that had cost him so much, ever since he was born ? How many times as a child did he wish he could just go to school, get back home, go to soccer practice and at the end of the day have his mother read him a bedtime story. Or did this only belong in fiction?

“Kaden, this had nothing to do with training. You froze, and then you killed the bear on your own, I did not help,” this had nothing to do with training. “I might be full of shit sometimes, but I also know when someone’s lying to my face,” his eyes finally strayed away from the wheelchair, and he looked at his friend with confusion, and worry. “Sort this out. Talk to me about it, or talk to whoever you want about it, but sort this out. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

Kaden bit his tongue, held back his instinct to latch onto the anger, to attach himself to it, and throw it back. He didn’t deserve to be angry, he didn’t deserve to lash out. He did deserve the ire and the contempt and whatever else Alain wanted to throw his way. His gaze started to drop down the floor, but somewhere in the back of his mind, he heard his mother’s voice sniping at him to look at her when she spoke to him, when she scolded him and corrected him. Though she never lashed out, he always worried that every time could be the one that it changed. “I never called you a coward,” he said, voice as even as he could manage, the words nearly biting, the anger brimming beneath the surface. It wasn’t even directed at the man in front of him. If anything, it was turned inward, burning himself from the inside. He held Alain’s gaze, steady and unwavering, even as the man looked past him. Kaden barely blinked, “Of course this has to do with training,” he snapped back. “If I hadn’t let it-- If I hadn’t let everything slip, then I wouldn’t have frozen.” If he hadn’t second guessed, let his thoughts cloud his judgment, let his life take precedent over his duty. It had everything to do with his training. All his parents had worked for and built him up to be was coming undone. He knew that. He could feel it. And he wouldn’t accept some other explanation, not from a hunter of all people. “I’ll be better. I’ll get better.” All he could hear ringing in the back of his mind was his mother’s words. I don’t need better, I need the best.

“You don’t have to say it,” Alain retorded, once again looking away. Maybe it was the remnants of being the ugly duckling of the family, but Alain periodically had those moments of doubts during which he questioned everything and everyone. It was in those times that he should have been looking out for himself, and try to find out what made him feel so insecure, what made him doubt himself, but it was much easier to tell yourself that others thought that he was this or that. “Sure, it has nothing to do with the question you just asked me,” or with the fact that he seemed to disapprove of Alain’s answer. The older hunter shook his head, his eyebrows low. He did not have a kind look in his eyes, it was closer to a glare of disapproval. Whatever was troubling Kaden, he could not tell, and he felt like he would not get an answer other than this broken record : It’s the training. Tu parles, Charles. “Do you want to stop hunting, Kaden? Is it because of Regan?” Perhaps Kaden wanted to keep her safe, who would he be to judge? If things with Evelyn had been different, he would have done the same for her. “What is going on?”

“If I wanted to say it I would have!” Kaden’s anger got the best of him, boiling over, spilling out. He clenched down on his jaw, trying to swallow it back. He inhaled and pulled it all back inside, tried to put it back in its bottle, save it for later, perhaps. He didn’t need it now. He hadn’t earned it now. Even now that the questions were being turned on him. He bit down harder if it was at all possible, frozen again, just like he was when face to face with that bugbear. “That doesn’t matter. And this has nothing to do with Regan.” His words were harsh and biting. If he had the answer to that, he wouldn't fucking be here, would he? If he had the answer his life might make sense, things wouldn’t have changed and he wouldn’t be wrestling with guilt and shame every fucking day. ‘We’re not talking about me. Not about that. And it doesn’t matter what I want.” It never had. His parents had made that clear from the time he was born. If he wanted to be normal, it wouldn’t ever happen. If he wanted to remain ignorant of the supernatural, it was too late. If he wanted to live a life with less pain it was out of reach. It didn’t matter. What he wanted didn’t change what he was. It wouldn’t undo his life or reset.

Alain’s jaw clenched, but this time he remained silent. There was no point in replying. What good would that do? And so he kept his mouth shut, rested his back against the front of the bed and waited. Perhaps he would calm down, perhaps he would leave. After a while, however, tugging at the corner of the slayer’s lips, there was a small smile. How many times had he been the one with the short temper, yelling all that he had on his heart at someone (who did not deserve that)’s face ? Enough to know that there was no point arguing now. Rubbing at the back of his neck, he looked away from Kaden, sighing. “Ask me that same question in a couple of months,” maybe the other man was right, and he was just over reacting, or maybe this was something he had been troubled with for God knew how long. “Can we talk about literally anything else now, please? I don’t want to argue with you,” maybe it was best to talk as friends, and not hunters. After all, this was where the trouble always came from.

Kaden almost wanted more anger back, felt like he deserved it. But that wasn’t fair to push, to beg for it out of some selfish reason to be proven right, to stack on his own guilt. Instead, he nodded. “Okay.” He didn’t give Alain an invitation to ask it back because he wasn’t sure he wanted that, wasn’t sure he could handle knowing what his answer might be in a few months. Whatever the answer, he was sure it meant losing something. So the easiest thing was to continue walking along a tightrope, knowing full well he’d fall one way or another. For now, it didn’t matter. As long as he didn’t look down. “Sure,” he said, leaning back in the chair, his voice growing softer, almost distant. “We can… We can turn on the tv. I was stuck here with Cece and Grace for a while each. There’s this dumb show about girls who gossip. It’s awful. But I can frighten you with how much I’ve learned about what's-her-face and the other blonde one.” It seemed hollow and stupid, but sometimes that’s all anyone could handle. And it was a decent place to start.

“...” Alain, who could not help it, had opened his mouth to make a comment regarding Kaden’s life choices, but instead he just gave him an openly mocking smile. It was not much, but it might have been the first genuine smile he had given Kaden since he had entered the room. “That sounds perfect, sure,” his hand reached for the remote, which he handed at the other man. “Please tell me all there is to know about what’s-her-face and the other blonde one,” what followed reminded Alain of why he had not been watching a lot of television in the past few years, but if that could appease Kaden, he could suffer through the adventures of rich people whining about the trouble they got themselves into, and there was something almost cathartic about complaining and criticizing those shallow people. “Well, this was terrible.”

[atths--twice]

Chapter 7 is up today! Prompt #1 First Kiss 

I took a little liberty and made it post Triangle. I hope you enjoy!

Out of the Triangle

Scully walked down the hall to Mulder’s hospital room, a bright orange plastic bag held in her hand, and a smile on her face. 

Skinner and the Gunmen left earlier that morning, but she and Mulder were not leaving until tomorrow, though he had been cleared to be released today. 

As he had been on a boat that busted into many thousands of pieces, no belongings to speak of, he was in need of clothes and toiletries, which she was currently bringing to him. 

She laughed inwardly, anticipating when he saw what she had picked out for him. Licking her lips, she opened his door, setting her expression to neutral. 

Finding his bed empty, she frowned as she set the bag of items down on said bed. 

“Mulder?” 

“Yeah?” Came a reply from the bathroom. 

“You okay?” 

“Uh… yeah… just a bit sore.” He walked out of the bathroom in his hospital gown, a grimace on his face. “I have so many bruises on my body. I feel like I’ve been beaten with a baseball bat.” 

“Considering the state of the boat you were on, you’re lucky it’s only bruises and not broken bones. Or a broken neck,” she said with a raise of her eyebrow. “What the hell were you even doing out there Mulder?” He looked at her and she raised both eyebrows. 

“I was looking for the Queen Anne.” 

“Of that I’m aware. And you say that as though it’s completely normal to go looking for a ghost ship. In the Bermuda Triangle.” She shook her head and he nodded with a shrug. 

“I just wanted to see if it was really there.” She scoffed and he pointed his finger at her. “You saw it too, Scully. You were even on it.” 

“Yes, I was.” 

“So, what’s your point?” 

“My point, Mulder, is that the ship I was on-”

“Which everyone believed had been sunk by a German U-boat.” 

“Right, and finding it was a big deal. But, the ship I was on was empty. Had been for a very long time.” She stared at him and crossed her arms. 

“Doesn’t explain how it just showed up out of nowhere, even if it was deserted.” 

“No it doesn't, that's true. Yet, you claim when you were on it, it was full of people, including me.” 

“Because you were there, Scully,” he said adamantly. “I saw you. I spoke to you, touched you, and…” 

“And?” 

“You were there,” he finished lamely and she furrowed her brow. “Are those the clothes you got for me?” 

“That was a wide subject change,” she stated as he walked cautiously toward the bed. 

“I’m just ready to get out of this gown and this hospital.” 

“Uh huh.” 

He turned his head and looked at her. She still stood with her arms crossed and a frown on her face. She knew there was more to his answer that he was not telling her, but she let it go for now. 

Picking up the bag, he started to look inside when he stopped and looked at her again. 

“You can’t be serious,” he said, looking almost disgusted with the clothes. 

“What do you mean?” she asked, trying not to laugh as she stepped closer to him. 

“What is this?” He took the shirt from the bag and she fought back a smile. 

“It’s a shirt.” 

“Ha! This is not a shirt! This is a lifestyle.” He held up the button down shirt and this time she did laugh. 

Knowing he needed only one outfit to get him home, she had shopped in the hotel gift shop, something that was not available in most of the places they stayed. It had a small section of every type of clothes, so she was able to get everything he needed. 

The shirt she picked was light blue with pink flamingos, palm trees, hibiscus flowers, islands, and white capped waves. It had dark brown buttons, which the clerk had happily informed her were made from coconuts. 

“Scully,” he sighed and set the shirt on the bed, reaching inside the bag to pull out the next item. “Scully.” He stared at her and she covered her mouth with her hand, holding back a giggle. 

He held it up and she laughed again at the salmon colored Bermuda shorts with spouting blue whales.  

“You cannot be serious.” 

“There is a pack of undershirts and underwear in there, too.” She laughed and he shook his head. 

“Scully, why in the world would you buy these clothes?” 

“You needed something to wear, I don’t have a car to go driving all over, the hotel has a gift shop… problem solved.” She shrugged and smiled at him. 

“And this is what you picked?” He held up the shirt and shorts against himself and looked at her. “Dana Scully, look at this outfit.” 

“I think it looks good,” she said, pursing her lips and avoiding his eyes. 

“You’re full of shit,” he said, setting the clothes down and staring at her. 

“I am? Me? The one who came to help you after you disappeared off of a radar? Of which you told me no plans before you left? I’m full of shit?” He stared at her and she raised her eyebrows. “I think you might want to rethink your comment.” 

“I couldn’t tell you.” 

“Why? Because I would tell you it’s a stupid idea? And possibly dangerous?” 

“That and then you would’ve inevitably come with me,” he said quietly and she frowned. 

“You didn’t want me to come with you?” 

“Not in the way you think,” he said with a small smile. 

“Then how do you mean?” He sighed as he looked down and then raised his head. 

“You were already saddled with the bill from our last… side trip, which was my fault. I didn’t want you… this was something I wanted to do and you don’t need to…” 

“Save you? From your stupid ideas?” She smiled and he sighed again. “Mulder, it’s been six years, I’ve been around for a lot of stupid ideas.” He laughed softly and she nodded. “As for the reimbursement payment, you and I split that, as you know.” 

“This was different. This was…” He started at her and nodded. “A stupid idea.” 

“Well, it’s nice to hear you admit it,” she said with a smile. 

“I’ll go get changed.” He picked up the bag and the shirt and shorts with a shake of his head. “I still can’t believe this outfit.” 

“You’re going to blend in perfectly,” she teased and he shook his head again, adding a loud sigh. 

He walked into the bathroom and she sat on the bed with a smile. His chart was hanging at the end of his bed and she lifted it up to see what medications they had been giving him the past two days. 

Codeine and a saline IV. Then Tylenol only. 

She set it back with a frown. Codeine could have attributed to his belief that there had been people on the Queen Anne, it usually made him sleepy. He had to have dreamed it all, because any other thought was simply not possible. 

But why had he said he loved her? She thought it was the medication, but codeine would not make him that loopy. 

“I don’t have shoes,” he called from the bathroom, cutting into her thoughts. 

“Keep looking,” she called back. She heard his sigh through the door and laughed silently. 

“Flip flops, Scully? Really?” 

“It’s the island lifestyle, Mulder, to go with your new snazzy shirt.” 

“I’m really not happy about this.” 

“Join the club.” He sighed again and she laughed quietly. 

The bathroom door opened and she turned her head to look at him, loud laughter immediately bubbling out of her. He stood and shook his head, his arms outstretched, showing off his outfit. She leaned forward, a hand on her chest, as she laughed. 

“Is it the flip flops? Because I actually think I like them. I might wear them all the time.” He looked down at his toes and wiggled them, causing her to laugh harder. 

“Oh, Mulder,” she said, trying to stop laughing. “It’s all of it. The whole outfit. I thought it would be funny and I was not wrong, but it’s so much better than I imagined.” She laughed, sticking her hand up, and closing her eyes. 

“Yeah, it’s… it’s something,” he agreed as she opened her eyes and saw him smoothing the shirt down. He touched the buttons and looked at her with a smile. 

“Those buttons are made from coconuts, in case that’s what you were wondering,” she said with a snort and he raised his eyebrows. 

“It was exactly what I was thinking,” he said sarcastically with a shake of his head. “If you’re ready to stop laughing, I’m certainly ready to leave.” She sobered up with just an occasional chortle as they looked around, making sure he had everything. 

“I can’t believe I’m wearing this,” he muttered and she stopped him from leaving the room with a hand by his chest. 

“You left me with no choice when you decided to come here. It was a stupid idea, probably close to one of the dumber ones you’ve had. But if you would have told me, I would’ve been here,” she said seriously, holding his gaze and he nodded.  

“I know.” 

“But, then I suppose if you hadn’t come here, you might not have met the other me, the me from 1939, traveling with Thor’s hammer,” she teased. “Question about that: how did she hold it? No mortal is supposed to be able to lift it.” She tried to keep a straight face, but as realization of what she said dawned on him, he smiled slowly and it brought about her own. 

“It wasn’t Mjölnir, if that’s what you’re implying. She wasn’t walking around with the most fearsome and powerful weapon ever in existence, one that could level mountains,” he said with a grin and she shrugged with a smile. “Although, on some level I suppose she was, as he was a scientist who could control the outcome of the war. But that you even thought about that Thor… Scully...” He shook his head and sighed deeply, his eyes travelling her face. 

“Hmm…” she hummed. “So she was traveling with an undercover scientist, to protect him. Sounds like he was smart to have that protection in place, you never know when you might need it. You should have made friends with her, maybe she could have helped you.”

“Ha!” he laughed, shaking his head. 

“That’s funny to you?” 

“Scully. I told you, you… her… whoever, the outcome of history was saved because of you/her,” he said, staring at her. “I might not ever have seen you again, if you hadn’t listened to me and gone back to the past… for the future.”

“Do you hear yourself? I mean, really yourself?” she asked, and he exhaled a laugh. 

“She shared that trait with you; doubting me, thinking I was crazy, and yet I was right,” She stared at him, her eyebrows raised as she shook her head, and he laughed again. “Same expression too.” 

“I would’ve liked to have seen that. How you handled two of us.” His eyes grew wide and he cleared his throat loudly. “Oh… that’s an interesting reaction.” She smiled and he took a step back. 

“You ready to go?” 

“No. Not until you explain that throat clearing business.” 

“Just needed to do it.” 

“Now who’s full of shit?” she asked, and he sighed, looking at the floor. “Mulder?” 

He looked up and she raised her eyebrows again, as she watched him rub the left side of his face with a wince. Sighing, he dropped his hand and she saw a faint bruise on his cheek. 

“I know it wasn’t you, but she looked exactly like you. Well, a bit more…” he said, gesturing everywhere. 

“More…?”

“She was dressed in a red satin gown, hair done up, a fancy necklace,” he explained, not meeting her eyes. 

“Fancy Scully, huh?” she teased, and he looked at her; her eyes and down to her lips, making her throat go dry. “So she believed you, enough to go back to the past, to save the future? How did you convince her?” 

“I can be very convincing,” he said quietly. 

“Yes, I know,” she replied. 

“I wasn’t sure she would even do it before I jumped overboard, but she did, just as you would have done.” 

“Is that how you got that particular bruise? Jumping overboard?” she asked, nodding to his face. 

“Uh, not exactly,” he laughed and she stared, waiting for him to explain. He sighed and she tilted her head to the side. “I… I didn’t think things would be fixed. I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again. The butterfly effect and all that… and so…” 

“So what, Mulder?” she asked softly. He looked at her and she already knew, but wanted to hear him say it. 

“I kissed you… her,” he nearly whispered, and her heart pounded. “And then she punched me in the face. A mean right hook.” 

“Well, that should have cleared it up right then. If a strange rambling man kissed me, I’d have gone with a left,” she laughed. 

“Exactly what I told her,” he said with a nervous chuckle, staring at her as though gauging her reaction. 

“Why?” 

“Why… why did I kiss her?”

“Yeah.” 

He inhaled and shook his head. “I… do I really need a reason? She was you, sort of, and I thought I might never see you again. I… do you really need to hear a reason, Scully?” He stared at her, his eyes soft, reminding her of a moment in his hallway not so long ago. 

“No, I don’t,” she whispered, stepping closer to him. “So, the past me kept the future intact in order for us to be here in the present. What will we do with that knowledge?” 

He slowly reached his hand out, placing it on her cheek, and she laid her hands gently on his chest. She smiled slightly as he leaned forward, the memory of the moment in his hallway once again burning in her mind, and she closed her eyes. 

His lips landed on hers and she sighed as she pressed further into him, gripping his shirt tightly in her hands. He kissed her softly, keeping it chaste, a sweet tentative step forward, but she felt it throughout her entire body. 

When he pulled back, he smiled shyly at her and she grinned, keeping a hold of his shirt. 

“See? Aren’t I better than some dream version? I didn’t punch you for one, and it happened despite your stupid idea to come here and most definitely despite this outfit,” she whispered with a smile and he laughed. She tugged at his shirt and kissed him one more time. “Let’s get outta here.” He nodded and she stepped back, letting go of his shirt. 

He now held the bright orange plastic bag as they walked out the door and down the hallway, his flip flops flopping loudly, much to his embarrassment and her amusement. 

“Nice shirt, man,” a male nurse said as he walked past them and Mulder looked at Scully as he shook his head. 

“It’s not a terrible shirt, admit it,” she said, pushing the elevators down button, and bumping him with her arm. 

“It’s not terrible,” he agreed, as he looked at it and then at her. “And it’s been a good shirt so far.” She grinned and he winked. “Oh, wait. It’s missing a button, look. Do you have the receipt? We could return it.” He looked at her and she shook her head. 

The elevator doors opened and they stepped inside. 

“No. But, I do have the missing button. It must have come off when I…” 

“Had a death grip on it?” he teased.

“I can sew it back on for you,” she said, holding it out to him. He looked at it and then felt where it was missing on his shirt, shaking his head. 

“No, you should keep it. I like the shirt better this way,” he said with a happy grin. 

She smiled back at him as the elevator doors closed, ready to take them away from the hospital and onto the next stupid adventure. 

Together this time. 

[raspberryfanfics]

adventures of wandering nowhere (Vignettes)—nejiweek day 4

Day 4 Prompt— Fate | Freedom

     It’s Canada day:)       Also I’m not that happy with these but here they are anyway.

nulla. (prologue)

There’s a lot of things money can’t buy you. 

It’s cliche, but Neji Hyuga knows that it’s true in very many ways. Yet he also knows that money can buy you a lot of things to help with what it cannot. He always knew that the digits piling up in his bank account would be worth nothing if he didn’t save them for something good and he lets his uncle see what he wants to see until mid June before his nineteenth birthday.

Neji packs everything he needs, including his credit card, and goes to an airport. He doesn’t even know where he's going. Despite all the places he has been, the screen with way too many possible locations makes it extremely clear on how huge the world is and all the places worth going too expensive even for him. 

He wonders if he should throw a dart to a map or ask the first person he sees, following them. But he has been nearly everywhere, Paris, New York, Los Angeles, London, Beijing, Barcelona, Cairo, Berlin, Dubai...and he realizes that what the only thing they have in common, even with Tokyo, is the size. Oh, he also realizes that he really doesn’t want to go to another huge city.

So he scans the chart again and several choices are knocked away so he considers the next question: what does he want to do? 

Neji has been caged practically his whole life, doing everything his uncle wanted until now, and he was most definitely not going to stop yet. He wants to be able to run around and breathe fresh air and feel the breeze rather than the race of cars or drink from rivers so clean you could see the bottom. He wants space.

He stares at his map and thinks of space. Canada seems pretty nice. The country is huge, the population...not so much. There’s a variety of landscapes and people are said to be nice there. Honestly, he doesn’t really think much about kindness but the flight to Vancouver seems to speak to him so he books a flight as cheap as he can. 

On the airplane, he sat on the side of two friends, one with a ridiculous black bowl cut and another with two buns on the sides of her head. He hears them talking about what they’re gonna do and the places they will see. He hasn’t heard of half of them, he hasn’t studied at all and has no plan. The guy screams that he loves Canada, catching the attention of several other passengers and the girl smacks him in a playful sort of way.

But they are friendly, ask him questions, and tell them of their experience in the country and being outdoors. They offer to let him wander with them, an offer he can’t refuse. He tells them that he has money and will pay for any expenses they can’t, but they smile at him with a glint in their eyes. Because to Tenten and Lee, money can buy them more time to travel, more time to live, and that’s when Neji knows that though he won’t have any of the familiar luxuries, his adventures are going to last a whole lot longer. 

i. smaller big cities

Upon arriving in Vancouver, one thing is made very obviously clear to Neji: he will not be going to any tourist attractions. Vancouver is one of the biggest cities in Canada yet there is nothing more exhilarating about it than any other city he has been to. 

Tenten rolls her eyes at the sound of Stanley Park and Lee exclaims how unyouthful it is to keep the orca whales. He’s prepared to buy a hotel room for the three of them but instead, they go to a consignment store and sell all of the clothes in his suitcase. After that, they shop for a new set of clothes that cater more to being outdoors than going to business meetings and now his wardrobe is mostly hiking pants, cheap t-shirts, and hoodies. The purchase of a sleeping bag and a blow-up sleeping pad more than makes up for the price of a hotel room. 

Tenten and Lee then help his money again and they purchase a large second-hand pickup truck. They drive it to a nearby campsite and he’s absolutely shocked at how beautiful the mountains are. The lake is bluer than the sky and the area is filled with wildlife. He is taught how to set up their tent, sticking poles into tent gaps and held into the ground by metal pegs. A waterproof layer is thrown over. They then teach him to start a fire, which is a lot harder than it seems. 

The two have been in Canada so many times that in optimal conditions, they can start one without a lighter, or even flint and steel. He has to use several bits of crumbled newspaper. He learns that they burn more if they are in smaller bits and that some branches won’t catch as well. 

His sleep is not great, he is either too hot or too cold and when he wakes up to go to the bathroom it is pitch-black. He hears a rustling in the woods and screams. Neji never screams but the sound was terrifying and his two friends come rushing out with headlamps, blinding him. 

He learns that headlamps are stored in the tent pockets and the next time he goes to the woods to do his business, it is a very good idea to rely on those instead of the stars.

ii. wildlife

Neji very much likes the birds and squirrels in the multiple camping trips he has now been on. He never thought that he’d like bathing in rivers and a swimsuit, but he does. He still isn’t sick of campfire-made spaghetti or smores. 

He is in northern British columbia when he first sees a bear on the road. Bears are beautiful creatures. They are large and fluffy and the one he sees looks like a terrifying stuffed animal. Neji takes way too many pictures while Lee and Tenten laugh at him as they wonder when they can pull the truck away from the side of the road.

When he sees a bear when he’s camping, however, though his companions have kept all the smelly items in bear-proof containers, he is about to scream. Tenten clasps a hand over his mouth and waves her hands around. Lee lowers his voice several notches and tells the bear youthful things much slower. They talk to the bear for a few minutes, though it seems like several hours, and Neji swears he has never been as terrified in his life. In the end, the bear goes, as do they, and that’s when they realize how wrong they were not to give him the bear safety lesson.

He thinks that a bear is the most terrifying thing to happen to him though being relatively harmless if unprovoked, but one day they are just finishing packing the truck when he sees a moose. Neji is about to take a picture of the moose but it glares at him and suddenly has red blazing in his eyes. Lee is in the driver’s seat and Tenten is in the back of the pickup. Two of the four doors are still open. He is waiting for her to approach the moose in the way they did with the bear, but fear glazes in both their eyes and she screams run.

Neji is running for his life towards the truck and he jumps into the passenger seat and Lee drives off twice the speed limit, escaping a moose charging furiously towards them. All three of them are screaming for their lives and when they finally get to the highway, they look at each other and start laughing. The matter isn’t funny in the least, as Neji learns that there is no way to escape an angry moose rather than a bear, but they have just faced death in the form of a moose, right in the eye, but they survived. 

iii. canoe trip

The first time the three of them actually rent instead of buy something, it happens to be a canoe, lifejackets, and drybags. They teach him how to canoe, every stroke he needs to know, and what to do if he flips. He tosses throwbags, ties knots, and packs bags. When they deep him good on the lake, they are ready to go onto a river.

They ask an old friend to park their truck at their end destination, and they load the canoes with the waterproof bags, their tents and sleeping bags, and four days of food supplies. They camp along the sides of the riverbank, making campfires, roasting marshmallows and hot dogs. When they’re lucky, they find berries and collect them for an extra source of food. When the sun finally sets, he can see all the stars glimmering above him and time seems to stop. He no longer cares about the pressures in the world on the disappointment he was to his uncle. 

There are no problems in the middle of nowhere.

iv. talent

In the middle of nowhere, their truck breaks down. 

Neji nearly has a mental breakdown because they haven’t seen a single car on that road for an hour. However, Tenten and Lee decide to sleep in the back of their truck and camp on the side of the road. Three other vehicles pass but they don’t stop. He wants to scream.

He’s going to be stuck here, he has no battery on his phone, there isn’t any cell connection, and they were supposed to stock up on food supplies that day. Coming here suddenly seems like a very bad idea. The whole night he is awake, tossing and turning, while Tenten and Lee are fast asleep, comfortable, content.

He realizes that it was all a cruel joke because Tenten was a skilled mechanic and she fixes their truck in a matter of twenty-six minutes. It appears that their sense of humour is not as great as her ability to fix a damaged engine.

v. canada day

Neji sees freedom like the red and white fireworks in the sky. 

He isn’t scared anymore. 

The world looks down at him instead of down on him. Because there’s this feeling of relief. He can’t think of hours or dates, only knows what today is because otherwise, there wouldn’t have been fireworks. He wants this to last forever, or at least as long as he can. 

When Tenten and Lee told him that his money was time, not luxury, he completely understands it now. He doesn’t need the luxury of a roof anymore, good food, or clothes. Because in the end, the only thing they need to make this go on forever is gas and basic necessities. 

He likes freedom, much more than he ever thought he would.

[another-snape-story]

Staff Meeting

Chapter IV

So you moved in your chambers, which were going to be your home for the whole next year, and probably for another one or two. You liked having some space, but this place offered you much more than you’d ever dream of.

Looking around and studying every single thing your glance caught, you stretched out your hands and spun around in the center of the spacious room with high arched celling – and a chimney – and large branched candlesticks on the walls – and… Wait what? Was this a window behind those curtains? You’ve never seen anything like this before. The smooth glass surface offered a fascinating view. It was not a typical view someone would expect (even the most picturesque one) – your window looked out into the depths of the lake! Although water stole the brightness of sunlight, it still could reach you, seeping through the deepness in wide soft rays, overflowing your chambers with greenish dim light.

All your doubts gradually faded away, filling your heart with delight, promising you a good time inside these walls!

The time flew by unnoticed in looking closely at the furnishing and examining other little things, which gave this place a special charm. You regretted having to leave so soon – there was still so much to observe. You reluctantly adjusted your hair, and in another few minutes you were ready to meet the rest of your colleagues.

“Obnoxiously punctual you are,” you heard familiar voice, once you opened the door and stepped in the corridor.

“Sounds like a compliment,” you smirked to the man in a black suit. For a brief moment you seemed to catch a glimpse of a smile in the corner of his mouth, but once you blinked to clear your vision, it vanished, leaving you wonder if your imagination was playing tricks on you.

You walked upstairs without saying a word to each other. It didn’t surprise you any longer. Although your destination turned out to be the golden griffin again, you realized you’d never find it from where you started along with Professor Snape. If the castle confused your ways all the time, then how many puzzles did it have in store? Will you ever be able to handle its jokes without someone’s help?

‘Sherbet Lemon’ pronounced with that same stern expression on your accompanier’s face brought you back to the day you first stood on this place, and you couldn’t help sniggering under your breath. Why you found it so cute and funny?

Headmaster’s office was exactly the same as you remembered it, with one only difference – this time there were more people here, and no Headmaster himself. You decided, staying close to the only man you knew (who at least talked to you… sometimes) would be the better choice, so you followed him through the crowd, shifting your gaze from one face to another.

“Oh, you must be our new Professor in Applied Herbology?” asked an aged woman in a black old-fashioned pointed hat.

“If you’re not expecting some other people for this position, so obviously I am,” you answered amiably yet with astonishing confidence, drawing attention of other staff members.

Soon you were enclosed in a tight circle of curious witches and wizards, who started attacking you with numerous questions, the majority of which you hardly wished to answer. You hated having unwanted noses in your business, so – barely giving out any information about yourself – you replied politely, mesmerizing your co-workers with your wit and acuity. Professor Snape was pushed aside and remained standing aloof, leaving you alone with the pack of your colleagues altogether. Traitor!

The agitated buzz subsided, once Headmaster Dumbledore appeared out of nowhere.

“Nice to see how excited all of you are to meet our new Professor! Now it’s time to introduce you officially!”

You couldn’t find words to describe how glad you were when the shaking-hands-ceremony was over at last, and all the attention was directed to the Headmaster. He gave some instructions concerning working routine and encouraged the staff for the upcoming year. It was nothing left but to hope it wasn’t that boring as it sounded.

You happened to take place beside the only person you seemed to know here (at least you’ve seen him more than just once) – you felt like something draw you to him. He wasn’t so annoyingly cheerful and sweet, which favorably distinguished him from the rest. Curious it was, but you could somehow relate to this brooding man.

A spark of interest flared within your eyes as Headmaster mentioned the Sorcerer’s Stone and Him-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. The whole story with the boy who lived after his attack engrossed you – there was no article in periodical you haven’t read yet, and now you had a chance to see him. The year promised to be eventful, no doubt.

Discussion how to protect the Stone was long. It was mainly Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall speaking with Headmaster, and Professor Quirrell interrupted them from time to time. Hanging on to their every word, you tried to come up with something that might help. The matter was urgent indeed. Gringotts break-in showed the Stone needed extra protection.

“We can put as many protective spells as we wish, but don’t you think that keeping the Stone within school walls might endanger its students?” you joined in. “If they passed through Gringotts security system, can you say for sure they won’t get here?”

The man beside you turned his head in your direction, yet his detached thoughtful gaze wandered across the desk surface, approximately where your hands rested.

“We’ve been arguing about this with Severus since the first day the Stone was brought here,” Dumbledore laughed quietly, and you could swear there was something in his glance – a mixture of surprise and content – as he looked on both of you.

“Oh, I didn’t know that…” you felt like an idiot, shoving your nose somewhere you didn’t belong. “Forgive me intrusion.”

“No, no,” Headmaster cheered you up. “I highly appreciate your concern! Each opinion matters, and now I’ll have to think twice before making my final decision.”

“May I suggest then?”

“Of course,” he invitingly waved his hand.

“We could produce a complicated protection, which would obligatory require everyone involved to remove it, making it impossible for an outsider to break the spell.”

“She’s right,” Professor Snape approved after a long pause. “This might be the best option.”

A short man, who was sitting on the pale of books – Professor Flitwick, if you were not mistaken – agreed with a soft nod of his head. So also did Professor McGonagall.

“Anyone else willing to declare themselves?” Dumbledore successively gave a look to each Professor attending the gathering, and as there was none, he added:

“I have one more idea, but I still need to think it over. Anyway everything said tonight might come in handy. And now I guess we all deserve some rest.” With last words he raised up to his feet and left.

You had no desire to stay here any longer and headed for the exit.

<<< Previous Chapter • Next Chapter >>>

Tag: @diaryofafan17​

[kpopchangedme]

Nocturna: Part IV

The fragile peace between undead and lycanth is imperilled your arrival to the Inferorum Castrum. Between the changing power dynamics of the wolf pack and the insatiable urges of the vampire king, you aren’t exactly sure where your loyalty lies.

Protagonists: Bang Chan & You (Im Jaebeom)

Word Count: 5.4k

Genre: NSFW | Supernatural!au | Vampires | Werewolves | Angst | Romance | Love Triangle

Nocturna Masterlist | HALLOWEEN

“G-Gran?” You are so weak you can’t distinguish anything when the old woman runs a cold cloth on your brows.

“Shhh…” She whispers softly. She used to do the same every night you’d have a nightmare after your parents died. “You need to sleep, love.” Feverish, you shiver, and a droplet of water runs down your cheek, burning. It comes again and again. Through the haze, you realize you’re crying and she’s wiping all of your tears one by one, patiently. 

“I had…” Your throat tightens and you let out a whine. “... A-Another nightmare.” Your shoulders jolt overcame with sobs. She pulls you into her arms, hiding you. You cry until you can’t anymore, cry until you fall dead asleep. 

___

You wake up in a bedroom that’s unfamiliar but far more reassuring than the last one. The sun is shining brightly through the three large windows. There’s a fresh breeze coming through, making sheer cream curtains dance beautifully. You have no idea where you are but you are at peace. You’ve cried and slept a lot, then cried some more. Now you are empty, done, dry. 

At least, you are not in pain anymore, it’s a lot better. You sit up to stretch, making the sheets fall from you. Oops, apparently you’re totally naked.

“Good morning,” Chan greets and you jump, startled. Covering yourself a second too late, you locate your friend on the floor. He’s simply sitting there unphased, back pressed to the mattress. “How are you feeling, better?”

“W-What are you doing here?” Clutching to the sheets, you bring both of your knees under your chin to protect the little dignity you have left. 

“This is my bed, y\n.” He smiles faintly, looking away just to stop making you uncomfortable. Were his canines always this sharp, or are you only just noticing now? "The Inferorum Castrum is my home."

“What are you doing on the floor?”

“Guarding you. You’ve been sick for days, but the fever finally broke a few hours ago. You drank too much blood...” His face briefly twists in disgust.  “You must have a lot of questions.” That’s the understatement of the year, you wait for him to go on, but the young hunter doesn’t explain what you’re doing in his bed, naked.

Instead, he stands, crossing the room to casually open a drawer of his dresser. After he finds what he’s looking for, he hands you a black shirt. It’s one of his own, the ones you’ve always seen him in. When he notices you don’t react, Chan hesitates before turning his back so you can dress properly. You wonder if he’s the one who undressed you too. That’s embarrassing, especially if he is to trust and had to spend days nursing you back to health.

“Your First Full Moon is in two weeks. Thankfully, you still have time to familiarise yourself with… Things.” Chan pauses, and you keep your eyes glued to the back of his silver curls to make sure he isn’t peeking as you put his shirt on. As expected, it’s so large on you you’re basically buried under. “That’s… Why I did it that day, so you could have a short period of adaptation.” 

“For what?” He sneaks a glance over his shoulder making sure you are decent. You have absolutely no idea what he's talking about. “When can I go home, Chan?”

Sadness crosses his face for a second, it’s brief, but it's enough to tell you something is deeply wrong.  “I think you should eat first.” He sizes you up and down, walking towards the door. “You’ve lost too much weight fighting vampire venom.” 

“I’m not eating anything!” When you snap, his hand pauses above the knob, in suspense. “Not until you explain everything that happened to me... ” Stopping, you inhale sharply, remembering the details of the giant wolf attack, the pain and the fear. The young man observes from the other side of the room, expression carefully wiped out. “Chan, were you in the Forbidden Forest?” 

Sighing, he steps closer, only changing his mind when he sees you straighten anxiously. “What do you remember from that day?” He looks particularly disheartened, adding; “... And that night.” 

“I went on a hunt alone, as I normally do. On the outskirts and I was attacked by a wolf. I was dying but Jaebeom saved m-”

“Saved you?” Chan immediately interrupts defensive, he crosses his arms over his chest. “Trust me. That wolf wasn’t going to kill you.”

“Trust you?” He bears your accusatory glare like a pro. “What do you know about that beast?”

Please, say it was all a bad dream.

“I do know,” he almost looks mad now, “and I think you do too...”

“You attacked me.” So it was true, Chan is the silver wolf. If your glare could kill, he would be bleeding out on the floor by now. “You’re a monster.”

“A lycanth,” his jaw clenches, “we are shapeshifters.”

Hybrid freaks. That’s how Jaebeom referred to them. “Half-human, half-wolf,” you guess aloud. 

“No, not me... Y-” Chan's mouth remains ajar, but no other sound comes out. Then, he shuts both of his eyes like he swallowed something bad. “Some of us, like me, are born from werewolves mates within the pack. We legacies are rarer now. Lycanth were almost extinct after the war.”

“What war?”

“The Amaranthine Slaughter.” His mouth opens again, then closes. “That’s not important now. You are either born a lycanth, or you… become one... With the bite of an Alpha. You met Jackson, he is our pack's current one. Our highest authority, even parasites have to listen to-”

“But you are the one who bit me...” You don’t like where this is going, not at all. You know Chan like the back of your hand, know when to panic. He's clearly stalling, holding back something important.

“Yes... But I'm from an ancient lineage of Alphas...” He concedes, and you’re pretty sure he’s full-on blushing. “You are my first marking.”

“You… You weren’t killing me…” The room spins, you feel like throwing up.

“I turned you, into one of us.”

The fatality of his words hasn’t hit you yet. “Why me?”

“Hum, I don’t know where to start. I wasn’t expecting...” Chan chuckles clearly flustered, he runs a hand over his face. “The first time I saw you, I-”

“Am I a monster? Just like that!” Ok, now you’re panicking. “A hybrid freak?”

Chan blinks, taken aback and disenchanted, as you stand up. In a second he’s between you and the door, hands raised to try and appease you. He looks more hurt by your lack of interest in his story than your choice of words. “No no, y/n! It’s fine, everything’s going to be alright...”

“I need to see Gran!” He doesn’t budge when you duck under his arm to pull at the knob without success. It’s locked. He has locked you in his bedroom! 

“You’ll be able to visit her soon, after your first transformation.” Chan sounds strained. “I’ll tell you everything you need to know if you just calm down...”

Calm down?

When you stare at him, terrified, he tries to reach for you but you shrink away. This is not a discussion you want to have. Chan isn’t the human orphan you befriended. He’s nothing like the funny hunter you grew to care for and thought you knew. He’s a wolf, and he’s a liar. A cheat that totally freaks out when he reads the fear he now inspires you.

Chan doesn’t wait for you to calm down and clear your thoughts. That's what his experienced brothers and sisters recommended, the ones that already chose a mate. Instead, he makes the mistake of telling you everything. Even if you clearly are not ready.

Everything about what happened in the forest, him, the pack’s history, and this place; Inferorum Castrum.

___

It's only been a week, but you’re allowed outside the walls of the castle during the day, on your own. Well, almost. Even if you can’t see him, he is never quite far. Apparently, he's unable to leave you alone... At first, you were furious at everyone, and you cried a lot. When you were introduced, you refused to talk to the rest of the pack. Now, you are still lost, but you decided only the main culprit deserved your hatred; Chan. He’s the one who ruined your life, your human one.

You still wonder why Jackson agreed of you to join his pack, of all women from nearby villagers. What makes you special that they picked you, that Chan wanted you? Sure, you two had been close for years, but you never got that vibe from him. He never gave anything away, never hinted he might like to spend… You know... The rest of his few centuries of life with you! 

At least there’s freedom in your near future. As soon as you'll master shapeshifting, you’ll be free to go anywhere during the day. Provided that you abide by the Castrum court’s many rules, of course. There’s still a lot you don’t know about, but you’re getting around.

Aimlessly walking into the gardens, you try to work on your new sharper senses, you’re supposed to use your next days to train. You try to focus on the buzzing of a bee’ wings or the smell of one particular flower like Youngjae recommended. He’s one of your new brothers. He explained everything would be easier but even more intense after your first Full Moon; your first night out with the rest of the wolves.

The bright Delta has been the most useful and nice to you, especially since you avoid your ‘mate’ at all costs. You don’t even know where Chan is sleeping these days, you kicked him out of the bedroom and he hasn't come back since. If that psychopath thinks you are going to become his actual partner after what he did... He’s even crazier than you first thought.

Craving the cover of the shadows, you enter the large cedar maze you’ve grown familiar with. If you walk to its center, there’s a bench hidden behind rose bushes. You discovered it the first time you were allowed outside. It’s been your favourite place to nap and think ever since no one disturbs you there. There’s not much to do around at the Castrum except eat, sleep, or get to know everyone by playing games. You don’t feel like doing any of those things today. Tugging a branch to slip behind one of the red rose bushes, you accidentally sting yourself with a torn. Yelping from the pain and surprise, you bring the cut finger to the level of your eyes. Instantly, blood pearls and you stare at the crimson tear, lost in your thoughts.

Blood.

You haven’t had much time to wonder about the vampire that brought you to Inferorum Castrum in the first place. Jaebeom. No one except Chan, not even Youngjae or Jackson, has mentioned your first night here. Still, you’re well aware the whole pack knows what went down... They all heard. Knowing what you do know about this place now, it’s a small miracle the confrontation in the hall didn’t escalate to a full-on fight.

There is a lot of tension within the Castrum. Lycanth and vampires are apparently natural enemies who used to be at war, it lasted over a millennial. An infernal bloodbath known as the Amaranthine Slaughter. Both sides were so busy killing off each other, that they didn’t care about the casualties and destruction they were leaving in their midst. Not until humanity had enough and sought revenge. After two centuries of war, all three species were almost completely wiped out. It became clear they needed to stop killing each other to remain.

The Amaranthine Peace was signed between supernatural beings in the hopes of ending the massacre. Werewolves were the most vulnerable since they used to openly live together in human villages. That’s why the treaty included a special term; Vampires were to coexist with them, waiting for humans’ fugacious nature to forget about their legend. Every Vampire Court welcomed a pack within its castle, usually remote and well hidden from mortals. Thus the Inferorum Castrum became one of those sanctuaries. Jaebeom offered hospitality to his lifelong enemies, the Bang pack, to set an example. 

Vampires may be eternal, but lycanth aren’t, they only live three or four times longer than humans do. So, Chan wasn’t born during the war, but his grandfather was the Alpha who signed the peace treaty. In fact, out of all the rare legacies of your new pack, only Jackson was a pup during the war. It doesn’t keep younger wolves from openly hating the cold-ones though... And the aversion is quite mutual, If there's one thing Jaebeom was clear about with you, it’s that he hates werewolves, treaty or not. 

Since the Amaranthine Peace, life at the Castrum has been fragile and precious. Alphas and noble vampires have been working together to maintain it at all costs. That is the story you’ve been told… 

What the pack hasn’t told you, you’re starting to piece together on your own, slowly. 

Like why Jaebeom did… What he did with you.

He evidently didn’t get you weren’t human anymore. You imagine he knew Chan as one of Jackson’s Betas. He probably wasn’t aware he was from Alpha lineage. That his rank was slowly shifting within the pack, and that his bite could turn. Ah, ranks… Well, that’s complicated and hard to grasp for an outsider, even vampires. Youngjae had to explain them to you at least thrice… As of now. 

There’s the Alpha; the wisest and your leader. His mate is the Lead Huntress, and she is expected to be the fiercest, strongest warrior. You doubt Jackson has a mate at all, you’d have heard about her by now. Wolves are biologically programmed to obey one Alpha, they don’t have a choice. You still don’t fully get that, but they say your bond to Jackson will be stronger after your First Transformation.

The Betas; second in command to the Alpha couple, are skilled warriors and hunters. They keep the pack under control and well organized, Jackson relies on them a lot. The Betas are harder to get close too, you haven’t met many yet. They are mostly legacies, born-wolves.

The Deltas; considered even smarter than most Betas, are in charge of the training of the whelps. Some are also skilled healers, useful in combat. Youngjae is a Delta, and he is taking your training very seriously.

The Epsilons; non-ranking wolves, like you. Apparently, they used to be the largest group within packs before the war, but now there aren’t as many left. Epsilons are rarer, mostly pups that haven’t acquired any valuable set of skills yet.

Lastly, Omegas; always fighting authority... No one ever mentions these troublemakers to you. The fewer, the better.

Lost in your thoughts, you’re still staring at the tiny tear of blood on your finger when Chan appears as if materializing from thin air. He whines, grabbing your hand to assess the damage. 

“Are you hurt?” There’s a deep wrinkle of worry between his brows. Like every time he touches you, warmth envelops you both instantly.

Mates, he explained the first day. Before you can push him away, Chan brings your index to his mouth, gently sucking on your scratch. You’re so stunned by his gesture that you forget you’re supposed to be angry at him. Your lips part in awe, flushing as he licks your finger clean. After a heartbeat he looks up, seemingly realizing what he is doing. Your finger is still in his mouth, but Chan's almond gaze widens. Wolves mate for life, his previous words echo through your mind. What’s with lycanth and vampires with blood?

“I told you to be careful.” Releasing your digit like it’s ardent, he looks somewhat embarrassed. It is hard to actively hate him when every fibre of your being seems to vibrate at his proximity.

“Following me,” regaining poise, you cross your arms over your chest, "again?" 

“Yes,” Chan admits shamelessly, “Jackson asked me too.” 

“And you always do as he says!” You can't help your annoyance. Your former friend looking all cute and innocent after all that happened is too upsetting. 

"Well…” The left corner of his pout jiggles at your outburst. You’ve been going at it every time you see him these days. “He’s our Alpha.” Chan blinks blankly, obviously unsure where you are in your education. “Uh- Jackson is like um… a… How could you… It’ll be like that, you and me… You’ll get it soon, after your First-”

“I know what an Alpha is!” You roar, ducking under a branch to exit his intimate proximity. You need to put as much space as you can between your bodies. This mate bond is making you lose your mind, freaking you out. You can’t even think clear if Chan's near. First Full Moon this, First Full Moon that, there’s never actual explaining with him. “What about what I ask you? I told you… Leave me alone, Chan!” He follows like a lost puppy despite that, only staying a step behind. When you turn to glare at him, his face twists guiltily.

“I’ll do whatever to make us right.” He promises, “I just can’t... Disobey.”

You stop, and he does too, simultaneously. “When can I visit her?” 

“I went and brought Gran some game yesterday, she’s doing fine. She thinks you’re on a hunting tr-”

“When?” You repeat, inquisitive, though you already know the answer.

“Jackson said aft-”

“Don’t bother.” When you turn back to the castle, something catches the corner of your eye; a dark curtain falling back on the window of a room. You catch a breath despite yourself, staring until it stops swinging. It’s the vampires’ wing. That’s one thing that is rather easy to understand about the messy mapping of your new house. Though vampires and werewolves coexist at the Castrum, both equally avoid each other’s company. You haven’t even seen one undead since you’ve been living here, but you are aware there’s plenty of them. 

They live in the West wing, where the sun sets the earliest, and Lycanth – you – live in the East wing, where it rises.  

“It’s not him,” Chan deadpans after a long silence, voice-controlled. He isn't whiny anymore but rather cold. You both know who he means. “He’s been sent away on Council duty.”

“I don’t care.” You lie, although you have a lot on your plate, there’s no denying you do. Not that you have anything special going on with the king just… Ever since that first night, Jaebeom’s not come to see you, not even once. He probably has forgotten all about your existence, you were just a blood bank. Now that you are not fully human anymore, why would he care?

“Do you have any idea how I felt?” Chan asks dryly, all of a sudden. It's the first time he is actually bringing his feelings up. “Or do you not care about that either?”

“I don’t!” You bark back, but even you can tell that it is another lie. Perhaps it’d be easier to truly hate and blame Chan if he hadn’t been your closest friend for years… And if he wasn’t currently taking good care of your grandma, the closest thing you have to a family. You aren’t sure that, knowing what you do now about Chan, you’d made the same deal that night with Jaebeom.

“I was worried sick,” he replies without batting an eye, “I thought he was going to kill you... After... The king took you just to spite me. I finally made a move on you and then you were go-.”

“A move?!” You see it on his face when he understands he messed up bad. You’ve never been one prone to throw fits, but it’s all you can do ever since the bite. You have this anger constantly boiling within, and it's easy to push it all on Chan. “A move would’ve been actually asking me out! Getting me flowers or-”

“You hate flowers.” He reminds, missing the point.

“-or a gift! A move is what Jaebeom made in that room, Chan. Not dooming me into a forced lifelong relatio-”

You regret your words as soon as they slip from your mouth and stop yourself. Not that you don’t believe them, just that he doesn't need to hear that all over again. Even though you’re mad, there’s no denying Chan cares a lot for you. He picked you after getting to know you. Sure, you had no idea what he wanted, but it doesn’t change how he feels. It’s not like your usual self to dismiss people’s feelings like that. He doesn’t need to be told all about what happened between you and the vampire that night because he already knows. He had to listen to it all, has it happened.

“That room.” When he finally speaks again, he looks drained, resigned. He gestures the window with the hovering curtain. “That's Queen Ryujin’s.”

“P-Pardon?”

“I thought you didn’t care about anything or anyone except yourself.” He stares, expressionless, aware his next words have the effect of a stab. “That's his Queen's bedroom.” 

Suddenly, everything is spinning and you reach for your head with both hands for it to stop. Jaebeom is a vampire, he fed on you thinking you were just a lowly human. He hates werewolves, has said so over and over… He is a king somehow, and you’ve… You’ve… How is he married? Does one get that bored when they are eternal?

“Hey... Are you alright?” Chan’s arm wraps around your shoulders to pull you into him.

“Do not touch me!” You growl. Elbowing his chest, you fight back to free yourself. 

“I-I’m sorry,” his arm falls back idly, ‘I just thought…”

He has the decency to shut up then, and that’s how you know his words were absolutely true. In the end, it doesn’t matter. The only thing you’re sure of right now, is that Chan said this out of spite; hoping to hurt you.

“Y/n!” He calls when you leave but you don’t look back. 

You barely hear him, walking fast to the main hall and trying to calm yourself. Lines between your frustration with your mate and the king blur in your mind. When you reach the castle, you are totally hysterical. It isn’t rational at all, but you could murder anyone right now, you can't control it, it has taken over. Of course, the vampire king has a vampire queen! It all makes sense! Still, there’s a small voice in your mind who craves to yell, louder and louder. Why did Jaebeom bed you then? Sure, he called it ‘feeding’, but he did much more than that. 

“Hi, pup!” One of the Betas you don’t know by name, smirks when you storm through the East Living Room. He’s playing cards with two Deltas; Felix and Sana, Youngjae’s mate. His face falls when he sees you don’t slow down. “Jesus, what did you do this time?” The last comment isn't intended for you. The only reason you catch it is because of your new, inhuman, hearing. You’re already running up the stairs.

“Shut it, Minho!” Chan snarls, obviously still trailing you.

You press on through the long stone corridors, the East wing is way more comfortable than the West one. There’s a large window at the end of the living quarters’ corridor, letting in sun and a fresh breeze all day long. No mildew smell, no torches needed at night, all of you can see perfectly through darkness anyway. You barely have time to reach your bedroom before Chan catches up with you. It better this way since you can slam the door to his face, merciless. 

“Y/n!” He barks, also losing his temper for the gazillionth time since you’ve been living here. The built wolf kicks the door you’re leaning against, causing the hinges to shake violently. He probably could burst through, but he doesn’t. “That’s my room too,” he protests, hitting it once more, “you can’t lock me out forever!” On the first floor, Felix and Minho audibly laugh, highly entertained.

“I used to have my own space, you know? At home!” Spiteful, you kick the door with your heel. You too can hit things. You too can be enraged. “That was before you ruined my life, asshole! You can sleep outside, fuck off!”

“I like her,” Felix whispers downstairs, dead serious as he shuffles the cards, “she’s eloquent.” Unbeknown to you, there’s a small audience slowly gathering in the living room, eager to hear you guys go at it again.

“Right!” Chan’s palm hits the wood, and the door vibrates against your back. “Be mad about the bite! Be mad about your former life! Be mad about losing your humanity! You can hate me for that, at least for a while. I understand you need tim-”

“No, you don’t!” Eyes narrowing meanly, you consider opening the door to tell that to his face but decide against it. It’s safer, you might just rip his throat. “You’ll never get it. You were born with this bane. You have no idea what I’m going through because of you.” 

“Fine! I don’t understand anything! Keep cursing me, keep pushing me away...” Chan grunts hollowly, making the hair rise on your body, but not from fear. It's from that something under your skin that’s alive and pulsating every time he’s near. It’s even worse when you’re angry at each other and fighting. “But...” The Beta is a little less explosive when he goes on, though his words still strike you; “Don’t take it out on me when it's about him...  I can’t stand it! It’s killing me!”

Absolute silence falls on the East Wing of the Inferorum Castrum at the comment. You know because you listen intently, breathing rendered heavy by your outburst. You can’t tell if Chan is still there waiting for you to reply with something. You rack your brain, trying to remember why you even started to yell at him today. With you two, it’s becoming second nature, your only way to communicate. He is wrong, this is not about Jaebeom. You should tell Chan that, it's because of why he brought him up. Before you can make up your mind, he is leaving, dragging his feet along the corridor. When the young wolf reaches the stairs, there’s obvious disarray in the living room. He knows the others where eavesdropping with bated breath but doesn’t mind. There’s rarely ever the need for secrecy or intimacy when you belong to a pack. You start to take for granted everyone knows everything about you. As far as Chan remembers, the others also fought with their mates a lot after the marking, it’s just that there was no vampire involved whatsoever. No third party, luckily for them. 

As soon as he enters the room, every head turns to him and he sees that the number of wolves has tripled. They showed up for the dramatic shit show that is his current love affair. He raises a brow, spotting that even Yugyeom and Bambam made it, two incendiary Omegas. God knows where they were before this all started. 

“I hated Sana for a whole year after she turned me,” Youngjae claims, apparently back from his hunt just in time. He’s probably trying to be reassuring, but months of being at each other’s throat don’t sound too appealing to Chan right now. “Cursed her out every single day...”

“He tried to kill me, twice.” Sana deadpans and his arm stretches around her shoulder, patting for forgiveness. Chan doesn’t even bother answering, wiggling from one foot to the other. He wants to go stretch his legs, he craves a turn. He hasn’t been able to escape his responsibilities ever since you joined the pack. Between you yelling at him and your grandmother worrying...

Leaning against a wall, Yeji looks up, hopeful. “Wanna go for a run?” She proposes and Chan smirks at the young Epsilon. He’s yours now, no matter how you feel about it. Yeji will get over her budding crush on him soon.

“Go! I’ll look after your abusive mate for you!” Yugyeom cackles on the sofa. 

“Yeah, we’ll check her out!” Elbowing his friend, Bambam adds; “You still have a few days before the king comes back...” Chan growls at the rebel wolf as a warning. He fully uncovers his canines, but the Omega smiles widely going on; “At least he’s not here to fuck her agai-” 

“Do not talk about my huntress.” In a second, Chan is on Bambam, fisting his shirt and pulling up until their foreheads are pressed against one another. He warns, nostrils flaring and irides glowing yellow; “I’ll kill you.”

“Chan,” Felix murmurs, most sensible, “don’t mind Bam. He’s just-”

“If one of you disrespects her...” Chan’s tone is so low it’s unrecognizable, mouth almost closed. “You’re disrespecting me, understood?” Everyone around the room nods in acknowledgement. It’s not like any would ever stand a chance of winning a fight against the strongest Beta anyways.

“What do we call a wolf that’s whoring around with a leech?” Bambam snickers nonetheless. The Omega must have a death wish. Seconds before Chan guts him – something that is obviously long overdue – a scary howl resounds through the whole Castrum. The entire pack stills at the timed entrance of the Alpha into the living room. They’re all well aware of where he’s coming back from. 

“What do you call a wolf like that, pup? I’m curious...” Though Jackson’s voice is devoid of any irritation, the Omega whimpers and shrinks on himself, frightened.

“A bitch.” Chan barks in his stance, knuckles white on Bambam’s shirt. Jackson hisses through his teeth, apparently appreciative of the slang.

“Clever... How strange, no one ever told me that one before...” The Alpha looks around the room intently. He bursts out laughing when he doesn’t manage to meet anyone’s gaze. Only Chan dares, standing back and releasing the senseless Omega. “Any of you take issue of my personal life?” The large wolf, smiles, bringing his hand to rub the skin of his neck. “Now’s the time, I’m in a lenient mood...” He says it bright and cheerful but none is foolish enough to actually comment.

“Can I go out?” The Beta blurts out, strained. “Or I might just end that cur...” Jackson assesses his second in command for a moment before nodding. Wow. Chan must truly look like shit.

“I’m sure your pup can manage alone for a few hours.”

“Thank you.” The wolf grunts’ immediately shrugging off his clothes as he begins to exit the room. He doesn’t mind the young Epsilon trailing him like a shadow. He craves fresh air, he hasn’t slept in weeks, running until complete exhaustion is exactly what he needs. 

Upstairs, alone in your room, you are mortified. 

The tears you have been crying since your fight with Chan have dried, and you’re shocked by what happened downstairs. You don’t even get why he took your defence at this point, it’s not like you have been anything but horrible to him. You have no idea how you’re supposed to feel or act around the rest of the pack now that you heard all of that.

A bitch.

Lying on your back, you rub your swollen eyelids. Youngjae claimed the mate bond is inevitable. He also said that it’d be even stronger for you because Chan is the one who directly marked you. He’s expected to be the next Alpha and you’re supposed to revere him. You hadn’t realized what this implied before overhearing that fight. Chan has authority, credibility to ensure with the rest of the pack. Youngjae was marked by Jackson, like every other member that wasn’t born from werewolves. You aren’t simply Chan’s mate, you’re also his first. In the future, if you don't act as such they’ll step on him too, you should be careful.

Nocturna Masterlist | HALLOWEEN