#and it's REALLY HARD TO SIT STILL AND READ SOMETHING THAT'S LIKE 40 PAGES

[catnipaddictt]

Tin can

roommate!anakin skywalker x gn!reader

synopsis: Your normally grumpy roommate feels bad about drinking your last canned beverage and makes it up to you

wc: 1.8k

tw: none, just fluff

Homework. Your least favourite thing about college. The sheets of paper littered your bed as you poured over your work. The sun was far gone and you had officially run out of caffeinated drinks. You took this as a sign to go collect more refreshments before continuing your studies. 

Pushing your selection of pens and pencils to the side you hop off your bed and make it over to the door of your room. Posters half fall off of the aged wooden panels, matching the walls of the rest of your room. Opening the door you are greeted by the sight of your normally grumpy roommate, Anakin. He was majoring in something like engineering, you couldn't really remember. 

He doesn't even acknowledge your presence, either focusing on what he is typing or straight up ignoring you. You wouldn't be surprised if it was the second option. You had been living together for 6 months and he still hadn't warmed up. You had tried to befriend him but he wasn't interested, opting to shut himself in his room and play his music way too loud. The walls were thin and you heard everything. ‘Maybe he was just bad at talking to new people’ is what you told yourself, but it had been half a year by this point.

You make your way over to the tiny kitchen, bee-lining over to the fridge that couldn't keep cold for too long. Upon opening it, you are greeted with well, nothing. Great. You knew that you had stocked up before your upcoming exam only days ago. You should have had enough to last you at least a week. There was only one answer; Anakin. He must have taken some of them for himself. 

Turning on your heel, you face him with a look of disapproval on your face. He doesn't notice you or doesn't care enough to stop what he is doing. You cough loudly which gets his attention finally. “Yes?” He monotones.

“Did you have the last of my drinks?” You try to keep your composure but the stress of your upcoming exams makes your voice crack. You know it's silly to get emotional over energy drinks but it is all too much. You turn on your heel so he doesn't see and return to your room, slamming the door. Way to make an exit.

You stand in the middle of your room trying to gather yourself but you end up just crawling into bed, under your stationary and half done papers. Maybe sleep will fix it. It was late after all and you haven't gotten more than a few hours of shut-eye in the past few days. Closing your eyes you fall asleep almost instantly. Dreamless slumber takes you into its grasp.

Waking up in the morning never felt so hard until now. Blinking the sleep out of your eyes you turn to the side, making the remaining pens tumble to the ground. You almost shoot out of bed after your eyes find your alarm clock. 11am. Oh no. You are late, really late. And you have a test in 40 minutes. One you were supposed to study for as you didn't understand the content as well. Scrambling out of bed you notice you are still fully dressed, you must have forgotten to take off your clothes when you fell into bed. Grabbing the door and swinging it open at full force you notice a piece of paper on the tiny coffee table. 

The handwriting is scrawny but you can still understand what it reads; ‘said you were sick, don't go to class. Check emails’. You do as it says and sure enough you have received an email about rescheduling your test from today. You silently thank whatever force is behind this. You notice there is more writing at the bottom of the page in smaller print; ‘check fridge - A.S.’ 

You walk over to the fridge, paper still in hand. Opening the door you are met with a sight made in collage student heaven. 12 e energy drinks sit there waiting for you. He had even gone as far to select different flavours, all of which were your favorites. He must be more observant than you realised. 

You spent the rest of the day in the deserted dorm finishing your homework and getting started on a project that wasn't due for a while. You knew classes were out when you heard the tell-tail sound of cars and feet in the hallway. Friday nights signalled parties for many students, giving them a break from the stress of lectures and too much work. Normally your nights were spent protecting your peace and watching reruns of sitcoms on your laptop.

You hear the click of a lock from the front door before the shuffling of feet towards his room. A knock on your bedroom door brings you out of your trace, and you let out a “come in!” Anakin's head peeks around the door, “sorry for having the last of your cans” he breathes out. “Don’t worry, I was just stressed and overreacting. But thank you. I appreciate the gesture as well as you bailing me out of class today.” This was probably the longest you had ever spoken to him and he was surprisingly pleasant. Maybe there was a nice guy under his normally cold personality. And to think all it took was some caffeine. 

“What are you watching?” He questions, now fully opening the door. “Um, just some bad sitcom. It's nothing really.” You are confused at his sudden niceness. “Can I watch with you?” He questions what has happened to the Anakin you knew 24 hours ago. He must have caught onto your questions as he speaks; “look, I realised that I haven't been the best roommate and I kinda shut down all your attempts to be friends. And I was thinking maybe we could start over?” he directs his eyesight away from you. “oh sure, yeah, I would like that” you reply and nod to the space next to you on the bed. He steps into your room for probably the first time and you can see him take in the posters and assorted belongings everywhere. Making his way to your bed, he plonks down beside you and you resume play. 

It had been two months since the energy drink incident and it was safe to say you and Anakin were now friends. It made your life a lot easier now that you and your roommate got along. Every Friday night you would alternate picking a film to watch in either of your rooms and you begin to look forward to these small moments with him. You even caught yourself counting down the minutes until he arrived after his classes, which finished later than yours did. It was silly how you had begun to develop what could only be described as a crush on the mechanical engineering major (you had finally picked up what he was studying). 

Pushing open the door to your room, you make your way to the kitchenette. You are about to grab out a frozen pizza to cook for dinner when the front door unlocks and Anakin comes in holding a bag. He shuts the door with his back, kicking off his shoes in the process. “Nope, not tonight” you look at him questionably. “Tonight we dine Like royalty” setting the bag down he pulls out a selection of ingredients. 

20 minutes later Anakin is telling you to sit down before producing 2 plates of actual, non-frozen food. Who knew the guy could also cook. He passes one of the plates to you before he sits down to your side. “I didn't know you could cool” you state, “I don't really either, I had to follow a recipe” he replies, “but it smells good”. You both dig into the warm food, a change to your unpredictable diet of late. 

After a few long minutes of silent eating Anakin looks up at you “not bad if I do say so myself.” You laugh “this is really good, you should cook more often.” “Maybe” he replies before finishing off his food. You also finish your plate and you both stand up to wash the few dishes created. After a lot of stumbling around the tiny kitchen to put the plates back in their original place, you both collapse onto the old couch. 

“That was nice,” he says, turning his head to face you. “Yeah” you agree. The almost set sun makes the room dim and you really should go finish your studying. You nod towards your room and get up, “well the papers call me again” you joke and he rolls his eyes. You almost make it to your door before he calls your name and throws you a can of your favorite drink, which you almost drop. You save your hand in thanks before heading inside.  Something about the drink in your hand feels off, it's lighter than usual. 

Settling down on your bed you take the can in your hands and open it. There is no drink inside. On closer inspection you notice that the bottom has been cut out of it and put back. As well as this there is a roll of paper in it. Fishing it out with your fingers, you unfold it. ‘kitchen counter’ is all it reads. You get up again and open the door, seeing another can on the counter. Anakin isn't here either, spiking your confusion. You pick it up seeing that it is empty as well, apart from another piece of paper. ‘come to the roof’ it reads. 

Curiosity peaking, you throw on a sweater and your shoes before heading out to the roof. After climbing the multiple flights of stairs you reach the door to the roof. You push it open with your side and step out on concrete. The sun is casting its last light over the tops of the buildings, silhouetting Anakin as he stands. 

You step towards him and he smiles at you before he speaks. “hi” you reply with another “hi.” he reaches up behind his head nervously, a side to Anakin you hadn't seen before. He seems to think for a moment before speaking, “I know this is stupid, but I think I like you and I'm not sure what to do.” You stand there stunned at his confession, before he corrects himself, “I know I like you, more than I should. And I know I shouldn't because I was an asshole to you for 6 months.” 

You don't know what to say. He likes you. The guy you like is standing here saying he likes you. You make up your mind before stepping closer to him. “I like you too, Anakin.” He looks surprised, clearly expecting a completely different reaction. You reach him and take his hand in yours, “like I really like you” you laugh nervously. 

“Can I kiss you?” He asks and you nod in reply. He leans down and places a gentle kiss to your lips before you wrap your hands around his neck. ‘It really is something out of the movies,’ you think to yourself and smile. He places his forehead against yours and you and Anakin both burst out laughing. “Thank God for your caffeine addiction.”

I wrote this at an ungodly hour and i'm not sure it makes sense, no beta reader - we die like real men

[shezzabee]

Ineffable Slices of Life pt. 1

“Ah, there you are.” Aziraphale barged into the room with seemingly no consideration for the passed out demon inside. The bastard.

Said demon groaned — it might have been a plea for help or to be left alone.

“Here I am. You found me,” Crowley said, voice sleep-rough as he flipped on his back. “Gold star, angel.”

Aziraphale closed the door with a soft click, the sound seeming to echo in the quiet room.

Out of the corner of his eye, Crowley watched him as he stood there for a moment, his hand still on the doorknob, his expression a mixture of concern and curiosity. Ask me, Crowley urged silently. Ask me what I’m doing in your bed. Again.

Just when Crowley was about to tell him to sit down, Aziraphale moved towards the bed.

Crowley stilled, but he merely walked past it, and sat down on the armchair near the window.

Far enough away to be socially acceptable, the Aziraphale in his head said, but close enough for pleasant discourse.

Crowley rubbed the meat of his palm over his eyes. He must make quite the picture, splayed out on Aziraphale’s bed, limbs sprawled, his normally perfect red locks devilishly disheveled.

On a normal day, he’d show more decency around Aziraphale. He’d pull down his rucked up shirt, blink the sleep out of his eyes, take care not to leave ring stains on Aziraphale’s centuries old mahogany side-table.

None of the days lately have been normal.

“Drinking alone, I see.” Aziraphale glanced pointedly at the two empty wine bottles.

“Mn, yeah, you were busy. With Jim.” Crowley blinked, bleary-eyed, at his wristwatch. 11:40 am. Plenty of time to continue getting sloshed the rest of the day. Fan-fucking-tastic.

“That was hours ago,” Aziraphale said, frowning slightly.

“You bought him a gift.” Lot of good an exceedingly sulky nap did him, it seemed.

“Well, I thought he’d enjoy it,” Aziraphale said, all puffed up and proud.

“…What was it?” Crowley asked, because clearly he was an idiot who relished in torment.

“Ah, a beautifully bound journal. With a soft leather cover and the most exquisite, high-quality pages. I've included a rather lovely fountain pen as well, with ink that subtly shimmers with intent.”

“You wot,” Crowley turned to look at him, his lips twitched. “you miracled it?”

“Oh, don’t look at me like that. It wasn’t a proper miracle. Merely a… helpful suggestion.”

“A suggestion for an amnesiac archangel to write down his deepest and darkest thoughts?”

“That would be playing it rather fast and loose with the term ‘amnesiac’, don’t you think, dear?”

“Does he even know how to write?”

“Well, of course —”

“Not it.”

Aziraphale blinked. “Not it, what?”

“I’m not doing it. I’m not teaching bloody archangel Gabriel who may or may not be faking, how to write. You’re it.”

“No one is it, he knows how to write. I think.”

Crowley blinked at the ceiling, his silence laden with doubt.

“He knows how to read.” Aziraphale pointed out a bit tetchily. “It’s perfectly safe to assume writing is still a skill-set he possesses.”

“’S kinda hard to imagine Gabriel possessing any skills other than being a downright bast —”

“Crowley.” The tone was so chiding, it almost made Crowley want to cough up an apology. Almost.

“Are you really that troubled over it?” Aziraphale asked.

“Nah.” Crowley blinked again (he was doing an awful lot of blinking), the faint brush-strokes on the ceiling were starting to form long-forgotten shapes. Were those symbols? “If he does write something, we could read it.”

“You are incorrigible.”

“Don’t act like that wouldn’t be playing out precisely how you’d hoped.”

“I’m sure I’ve no idea what you mean,” Aziraphale countered primly.

“You might as well have sat him down and ordered him to write everything he remembers, at gunpoint.”

“I would never —!” Hand over his heart, Aziraphale managed to give him a look that was both scandalous and impish.

“Yeah, no, ‘course, a miracled fountain pen that gently coaxes its handler to write whatever comes to mind is a much more ethical approach.”

“It encourages creativity and introspection without any undue influence. Perfect for someone rediscovering themselves.”

Crowley snorted. “Leave it to you to passive-aggressively send his Holy Highness to therapy.”

“Well, sometimes we all need a bit of gentle encouragement, don’t we?”

Crowley’s eyes narrowed, then he pushed himself up on his elbows, giving Aziraphale a look of mock horror. “Therapy, angel? Are you suggesting we go all touchy-feely and introspective? What’s next, group hugs and trust falls?” He shuddered theatrically. “Honestly, you read too many books.”

“You mean to tell me your reaction to all of this has been completely reasonable?”

“Has yours? You’re harboring a fugitive archangel in your bookshop!”

“We’ve been over this. You agreed it was the right thing to do.”

Crowley flopped onto his back, fingers interlaced over his chest. Perhaps if he couldn't see Aziraphale, the fear and anger gnawing at him might stop.

“Unless you didn’t agree,” Aziraphale frowned, lips pursed in displeasure. “But then — why did you come back?”

“You know why,” Crowley suddenly felt a profound weariness, right down to his bones. “Naivety was never your colour, angel.”

The silence that followed felt stifling. Crowley lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. Those were definitely ethereal symbols up there, giving him a proper headache.

He wondered how he was supposed to wriggle out of this mess now. There was no chance he was dancing again. One indignity per century was more than enough to endure.

Finally, Aziraphale said quietly, almost shyly, “Do you want to see your present?”

[theladyofbloodshed]

Hi. I really admire your writng and love all your fic very much. Really,as a reader i cant wrap my head around how incredible your writing are. But as a fellow writer, it got me thinking how you balance your day working-personal life-reading-writing. I just enter corporate life and it was exhausting. How do you manage your time to write and is it hard for you to keep your interest in writing while working?

Thank youu and no, i think your chrismast deco look very beautiful. If I visit your house i would love staying around the tree with a dim light and a warm tea.

Thank you so much for the message. That's incredibly kind of you. You are welcome for a cup of tea any time!

I will break down my day under the read more.

05:40 - partner wakes up for work (waking me up) 06:10 - partner leaves for work and I get up 07:00 - in the car to work 07:30 - at work. I don't get paid until 08:30 but I literally would not be ready for the kids if I came in at that time, plus I'm already awake (and definitely a morning person). I'm usually alone in the class until around that time so I tend to have an audiobook on while I'm getting the class ready. I teach in a different classroom every single day, so I have to be organised. 16:00 - finish work 16:30 - home for a cup of tea and usually go on social media/write 18:00 - cook dinner which usually takes about an hour After that, I either spend time with my partner, read, or write. The only day I haven't written something was when I had to be at work until nearly 9pm for a halloween party, but generally, I write every single day. I will be honest in that I don't really have a social life. I've only really got one friend and she lives 60 miles away. I cancelled my gym membership because I hate going after work in winter and I've been so ill for the last couple of months that it was a waste of money. At the weekends, my partner and I might go to a coffee shop or a walk, but most of the time I am writing. It's nothing I have to force. I look forward to writing every single day. If I found it a chore, I wouldn't do it. Sometimes, I am super tired from work too and have a low output, but in those times I'll lay on the bed or take a bath with some music on and still be imagining scenarios. If you are exhausted, don't push it. If I've imagined a scene enough then I know exactly how it will play out to make the writing easier. My brain almost thinks in a writer mode now, like instead of seeing the scene, I'll also be narrating it.

I am constantly thinking about my writing. When I drive, I am imagining scenarios/dialogue. If I go for a walk alone, my headphones are on to dissociate and imagine. For me, it's all consuming. Weirdly, none of my new colleagues know I have any books and I've just mentioned it in passing to my family because we're not close and they don't really care. Even my partner has no clue about character names or anything because he hasn't read them. It's got to the point where I have RSI in my hand from typing so much. Today, I've written about 5000 words and have written 100k words for a single book since October.

It is hard for me to switch off sometimes. I do wonder if I have some sort of ADHD because I have to be doing something at all times. When I'm at work for my planning time, I'm usually doing all 8 jobs on my to do list at the same time, like this page is loading so I'll start this email then go back to that lesson plan then reply to that other person. I cannot just sit and watch tv, I either have to be sewing, or writing by hand, or typing. The only time I do nothing is when I sleep lmao. I've always been that way though.

In terms of reading, I've really struggled this year. Most books have been 2/3 star reads for me - which is really unlike me. I'm usually super generous with 5 stars. I've had to force myself to sit and read a lot because I'll just scroll on my phone otherwise when I'm bored.

I wish I had kids, but I don't, and thankfully my partner also cooks and cleans so if its his turn to cook, I can carry on writing. Sometimes it has caused arguments so I try to make a conscious effort to put my laptop down and spend quality time together. Writing is just everything to me. I love it. It's all I ever want to do. But, I'm also not a night person, so my laptop is usually off before 9pm and I'm asleep by half past 9 nearly every night ha.

[bottlecaprabbitgames]

hi, sending a few for the q&a

Since there's only a few more chapters of book one and you're plotting the other books, can you describe book 2 badly or extremely out of context?

It's Saturday morning and there's no mission/work. What are the agents and Quinn and Sylvia doing? What time do they wake up? Are they breakfast people? Do they have their free day planned out?

lewd: when will be get to hold hands with the ROs?

lewd!!! What if the MC tells the RO they want to have fun in bed... and then they pull out the Scrabble set?

lewd (real this time): RO reactions if they walked by the MC's computer and the MC had run off and left a NSFW page up?

RO preferences on lingerie on their partner? Color, cut, style?

Do the ROs sleep in pajamas, undies or in the buff?

P.S. your scarves look so nice!!!

Book 2 badly or extremely out of context...

"LOCAL ALPHA GETS DRAGGED INTO YET ANOTHER WORLD-ENDING SCHEME, MORE AT 11-"

Hmmm, what are they doing on a free Saturday morning.....

Blake definitely slept in, then got up and gave his bike some well-needed love and care. It's honestly very relaxing to him, getting to take all the time he wants to work on his bike. Damned thing has saw him through since his youth, it deserves all the attention he can give it. Blake prefers to get up in the afternoon, and is definitely NOT a morning person. He generally spends free days on whatever comes to mind when he first gets up, or to get something he's put off for too long done.

Loche is probably taking a run through any nearby forestry in their leopard-like form. It's not very often they get to these days, but it starts to physically hurt after a while. To go from mostly being shifted to now doing so so rarely... it's been a hard adjustment for them. Loche prefers to be awake in the evening and night times, but has grown used to waking up in the mid-mornings, likely around 9-11 am. They might be a little tense in the mornings, and tend to be rather quiet until a few hours have passed. Loche usually spends their days off shifting for several hours, then moves onto doing a little study of human cultures, or relaxing, watching cooking shows. Loche isn't much of a cook, but they find cooking shows fascinating.

Freja is reading. She is most definitely cuddled up in her recliner in her room, snuggled in a comfy sweater and blanket, and is most certainly reading a new smutty romance novel that she's read good reviews about. Freja is usually up by 5-6 am, and is VERY much a morning person. Even on her days off, has a small but nutrient-dense breakfast, then goes to exercise (usually taking a 40 minute to a little over an hour run), and has time slots throughout the day to get up and do other things. However, outside of those time slots, she's welcome to do as she pleases... which is typically reading, lol.

Iri is either tuning their 'radio' to try to see what's going on in the Magi Cities, or is reading an alchemy book, writing down notes for future inventions to try. Iri is also a morning person, but usually gets up 7-8 am. They can't really eat solids in the morning, so they start the day off with a protein smoothie, then get to doing whatever it is they have planned for the day or whatever they'd put off for far too long.

Adontis likely has his blackout curtains drawn, sitting in the blissful silence of his sound-proofed room, drinking wine while he writes a several paged letter to send out later, when he's given his senses enough time to relax. Adontis... even though sunlight can't hurt him like it can young vampires, it's still fairly painful for his eyes. He tends to run the metaphorical ship during the night when Freja is sleeping, as it's just the easiest time for him to be out and about. He doesn't need much sleep, only a few hours a week if he's not used his abilities much, so he tends to pick up new hobbies to try. Currently, he's trying his hand at knitting, as he enjoys loom work and crocheting.

Fawn is probably watching something while carving new beads from bones she's picked up while on patrols previously. Might even get around to dying them the same day, should she feel like it. Fawn is someone who prefers night time, so if she's able to wake when she wants to, it'll be about 4-7 pm. Her powers are weaker in the day when the sun is at it's highest points, so she prefers to sleep through those hours (like the afternoon). She doesn't really plan much for her days off, either, just does whatever she feels like.

Quinn is probably fishing if it's the warmer months, or whittling in front of the fireplace if it's colder. He'll watch whatever Lainey puts on, which could be anything from True Crime to any number of Gordon Ramsay's shows. He is definitely a morning person, and generally wakes up around 5 AM and gets the coffee going for when Lainey wakes up a little later on. The only thing he plans for his days off is to make sure he relaxes some and tries to not think too much about work. Also makes sure to spend time with Lainey.

Sylvia... is probably going over to bug MC to watch or do something if they're off too, lol. If they aren't or aren't in the mood to, she'll eat breakfast, relax for a bit while making a list of things she needs to do throughout the coming week, then do some aerobics. I FULL-HEARTEDLY believe she owns Jane Fonda's OG workouts to use. After that... she might dance to some music, go outside and tend her garden, maybe watch something or have something on while she reads. She is definitely a morning person, and tends to wake up between 6-8 am on her days off.

I can definitely say you have a chance of holding hands with Fawn or Blake at the very end of Trepidation, but for a chance with most of the others, you will be waiting until Obsession (book 2). :3

I think Blake would look at the Scrabble board and immediately scoff and walk off, grumbling LOL

Loche has never played Scrabble and doesn't know really what it is other than Fawn hates it with a burning passion. They'd be confused and apprehensive to say the least.

Freja would shake her head and sit down to play, as she actually enjoys the game.

Iri would have a similar reaction to Blake, lol!

Adontis... would sit down, smiling all the while, and then spell out very naughty words on the board. The longer the game goes, the more descriptive they get.

Fawn... would grumble and throw the board in the trash before walking back to her room. Tough crowd.

Blake:

Loche: I cannot find one that conveys Loche's emotions, but it's MASS confusion and awkwardly walking away, LOL

Freja:

Iri:

Adontis:

Fawn:

Oooh, lingerie! (I am so sorry if these aren't very helpful, I have never really looked into lingerie until I started seeing more of it in passing on one of the YouTubers I follow for weight loss stuff.)

Blake does like lingerie. He would prefer MC wear something black and either very lacy or leaves just enough to the imagination. He also wants it to be something he can rip off easily and just buy them a new one later.

Loche... I can just say they have no preference, they're just thrilled MC would go so far as to wear something sensual to bed for them. I can absolutely see them giving MC money to buy new sets but to not let Loche see them until MC is wearing them.

Freja isn't much for lingerie, really! She'd find MC sexy wearing just a t-shirt as she would something meant to be sexy. Actually, I think lingerie would be a bit off-putting as she's not great with sensuality and sexuality as a whole.

Iri definitely prefers MC in deep purples or greens. I feel like they'd be a fan of teddies, especially.

Adontis loves lingerie. He'd want to see MC in deep reds or blacks, or other deep colors if it complimented him. I could easily see him having MC try on several different sets he's picked out for them, and I definitely see his gaze getting steadily heating up the entire time.

Fawn... I think she'd like to see MC in lingerie, if they wanted to wear it, but she's got no real favorites. Just something easy for her to take off, because if it isn't, she's going to tear it and she's not replacing it, lol.

Blake sleeps naked or in his boxers. Usually his boxers, just in case he has to run to the bathroom and doesn't want the team seeing his whole ass. If he's at one of the Advocacy buildings in his own room, then it's definitely naked.

Loche sleeps in a t-shirt and boxers, even fem Loche. Fem Loche is not a fan of how close to the skin women's underwear tends to be.

Freja tends to wear a spaghetti strap tank top with PJ shorts!

Iri does have PJ sets they wear sometimes, like full button down and pants or shorts, but they also have ones with t-shirts of cartoon characters and matching pants. Sometimes they sleep in just shorts, just depends on how hot or cold it is and their mood!

Adontis is definitely a PJ set sleeper. Silk ones, preferably, as they irritate his skin the least. Man's got some sets that costed over $1,000 by themselves.

Fawn... if it's warm, it's just underwear or shorts, tits out. The beasts will be freed as she does NOT feel like sweating all night. If it's cooler, she'll wear a tank or t-shirt with shorts. She doesn't really get cold, unless it's like below freezing.

Thank you for the asks!!! And thank you, my scarves take quite a bit of time to make, and I appreciate how complimented they've been! There's currently a 24% off sale until May 14th!

[recurring-polynya]

Writing/Art Update 4/18/2023

I said I was gonna do it and I did it: I finished chapter 4, which as predicted, ended up being chapters 4 and 5. (I really don't know how I thought it could be otherwise...even after the split, Chapter 4 ended up being the longest chapter in the whole thing, nearly twice as long as most of the other ones). Yesterday, I re-read Chapters 1-6. I had to kinda steel myself, because I was honestly terrified it was going to be Terrible, but it's Not Too Bad, Actually! I sent Chapters 2 and 3 off to the beta. I want to let 4 and 5 simmer a little longer before I do a little more minor editing on them, but it shouldn't be much. I definitely thought Ch 6 was going to Tonally Off, but it's actually ok, too.

It's really hard to emphasize the mess this thing was as recently as two weeks ago. I honestly cannot believe I have pulled it into the shape that it's in. I mean, I'm not gonna claim this is my magnum opus or anything, but it's sort of a very personal accomplishment. Part of that is because it's easy to write nice romance stories where they kiss at the end, or straightforward angst, but writing a prequel about a weird time in someone's life where they go through a really uncomfortable transition is not easy and it's sort of fundamentally unsatisfying. Of course it is, because it's a building block of a relationship that's going to take another 40 years before it starts looing up again. I don't particularly know if it's something people want to read, but it's what I wanted to write and I did.

Anyway, I am feeling very high on my horse today, but I do still have one chapter left to go. It's got three scenes. I have not looked at them lately, but two of them are Mostly Okay, but need endings. The third one really was Tonally Wrong and also I pillaged it for dialogue in another scene, so that will take some work, but overall, it's a lot less than I had to do last week and feels very doable.

After that, it'll still need some minor edits and polish (plus there's always the chance my beta is going to be like Polynya, this is gibberish, not that she ever has, but it'll happen one of these days) but maybe you'll get to see it soon! Believe it!!

I have been really off my art game and it's primarily because this fanfic has been eating my brain. I might do a little sketch requests thingie? For a treat? After I'm done, obvs. I am also going to work on that smut I started weeks ago. I didn't lose interest in it or anything, I just got really wrapped up in this one.

Anyway, because I love you and you have all been very, very patient with me, you can have a lil baby excerpt this week.

from Chapter 3

Rukia isn’t sure what she expected to see when she enters the dojo, but it certainly isn’t Renji sitting on the floor, poring over a large book. “Where’s Mr. Mochida?” she asks.

“Not up yet, probably. I don’t know,” Renji says, flipping a few pages.

Rukia narrows her eyes at him. “I thought you said it was time for training.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“But Mr. Mochida is in charge of training.”

“Well, yeah, but I found this book yesterday, you see, and I really want to try some of the stuff in it.”

“So when you said ‘training’, what you meant was ‘Renji bullshit.’”

“Sure, okay, but you wouldn’t get out of bed if I told you it was Renji bullshit.”

Rukia levels a death glare at him, but it is deflected by the protective layer of Renji bullshit hovering around him. She tries a different tack. “Renji, look at my yukata. Look at it, Renji. It’s got bunnies on it. Little itty bitty bunnies.”

Renji looks up, stares at her for exactly ten seconds, and then jabs a finger at his book. “Body weight exercises, Rukia! They require no equipment, so you can do them anywhere! This book has them all broken out by which muscle groups they make stronger!”

Rukia gives up, and hunkers down beside him. “Oh! It has pictures.” “They aren’t pictures, they’re diagrams,” Renji informs her pompously. “I want to do this one. It’s called push-ups. It will make our arms really strong!”

[firstdegreefangirl]

January 2023 Reading Wrap-Up

I'm trying something new this year, where I make little mini-reviews for the books I read and share them at the end of the month. There might be a few spoilers, but I'm not dissecting plots here, and it's all for good fun and games. Summaries will be up here, breakdowns by book will be under the drop.

Let me know if there's anything that caught your eye/that you enjoyed too/that made your TBR!

Here we go!

Total books read: 10 

Total pages read: 3,103 

Days read: 29/31 

Average star rating: 3.93 

Challenge Prompts Filled: 5 total. Popsugar: 2/40. Romanceopoly: 2/36. CRAD: 1/12. 

How to Keep House While Drowning by K.C. Davis  ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐  I don’t want to be the person who’s all “this self-help book changed my life,” but … this self-help book changed my life. For the first time since I moved out, I wouldn’t be mortified if someone dropped by unannounced, and it feels like keeping my house functional is actually something I can achieve. This book helped me break down tasks and changed the rhetoric I use for household upkeep to break the shame cycles that people have around disorganization. It wasn’t really the plan to make this the first book I read, but I knocked it out in like three hours on New Year’s Day, and it’s left me convinced that this is the year I might finally be able to make my space something that works for me. Biggest takeaway: My space should work for me, I should not work for my space. 

Built to Last by Erin Hahn  ⭐⭐⭐(¾)  This was cute! I picked it up from the new additions shelf at my local library because the cover was cute (sue me, I judge books by their covers, blame the Legally Blonde Musical, but I digress). It’s second-chance friends to lovers, but I loved learning how Shelby and Cameron find their ways back to each other. The only reason I didn’t rate it higher is because I don’t think I’d read it again. It was fun, I liked it a lot, but it’s not something that’s going to stick with me forever and ever, y’know? 

Challenge Prompt: Romanceopoly Amour Avenue (read a contemporary romance with an illustrated cover) 

Playing the Palace by Paul Rudnick  ⭐⭐⭐(¼)  I found this at my favorite Salvation Army store while I was Christmas shopping last month (and no, the irony of finding a gay romance novel at SA is not lost on me) and left it at a Little Free Library after I finished reading. The writing was good, the story checked out, but it didn’t hook me quite as well as some of the other books I’ve read in a similar vein. Prince Edgar was delightful, the Queen was by FAR my favorite part of the book, but Carter grated on my nerves in a few places. Overall, glad to have knocked it off my TBR, and I hope that whoever picks it up next loves it more than I did.  

 The Wedding Crasher by Mia Sosa  ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐  I’m so glad that I finally got through to reading this book! Given that I pre-ordered for release day last year, it’s been a hot minute, but here we are. I read and adored the prequel (The Worst Best Man) and was excited to hear there’d be another book in the series, but I kept putting it off because I was afraid it wouldn’t live up to the hype I’d created for myself. I was wrong; it absolutely did. This was laugh-out-loud funny in places, and sure made a few night shifts go by faster. I read close to half of it in the first sitting, right after I finished PtP, and surprised both my trainee and my GM by the fact that I can actually read overnight without falling asleep, especially for hours at a time. I dunno, it’s hard to fall asleep when the books are this riveting.  

Challenge Prompt: Chantel Reads All Day January (a book with ‘a’ or ‘the’ in the title) 

Straightforward by Martin Parnell  ⭐⭐(¾)  Honestly I’m still not sure if I liked this one or not, so I know I didn’t like it well enough to be any more than three stars. I got the eBook for free, because I was intrigued by the overarching question: Can a straight country cowboy and an effervescent gay man be friends? The first third-ish dragged on, then I read the last 2/3 in a single sitting, finishing at 5 a.m. curled up in bed because all of a sudden I was dying to know how it ended. I … didn’t love the ending, at least at first (unrequited love isn’t usually my thing, but the ending wasn’t inherently unhappy), but I keep thinking about if I liked it or not, so maybe I do? I don’t know. It wasn’t what I expected, and the writing style wasn't remarkable. It felt like the story might have been building toward a plot twist that never came, but the ending did feel tied down and well rounded. I loved that Cowboy Ty’s first sentence was “Goddammit! Shit piss motherfucker hell goddammit!” if only because that feels so relatable for many days in my own life.  

Ship Wrecked by Olivia Dade  ⭐⭐(½)  I didn’t enjoy this. You might, but it wasn’t for me. I wanted to like it, but I didn’t. The writing style is fine, the story was … alright, I suppose, but I didn’t like the characters. Again, to each their own, but I was irritated with both MC’s by the middle of the story, and almost DNF’d 60 pages from the end.  

The Line Becomes a River by Francisco Cantu  ⭐⭐⭐⭐(½)  I wanted a break from contemp romance after the last two books, so I turned to the nonfic section on my shelf, and I’ve been meaning to read this for literally over a year. It was one of the books I put in my “$5 for anything that fits in this bag” library sale bag in fall of 2021, and sounded like an interesting take on immigration policies. This book made me cry, openly, at work, in front of my trainee, at 5 a.m.. It’s that good, that moving. There were definitely some parts that changed my perspective on policy issues, and I’m wholeheartedly recommending it to anyone looking for firsthand accounts of the government side of border policies. Even if it’s a little outdated, it definitely gave me some things to think about. 

Josh and Hazel’s Guide to Not Dating by Christina Lauren  ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐  23 ½ hour read time. I was hooked by the first page, and spent most of the first sitting trying to decide if I should keep reading to find out what happens next or slow down so I could savor it all. Ended up reading over half of it the first time, and finishing it on my shift the next night. This was the first I’ve read by Christina Lauren, but if it’s all this good, I’ll definitely be back for more. Hands down the funniest book I’ve read all year. Toward the end, we brushed up a little bit against one of the tropes I generally don’t much care for, but CL handled it beautifully and it ended up making a beautiful, heartfelt wrap-up. This year, the goal is to unshelf books I own if I don’t see myself reading them a second time, but I’d made up my mind on keeping this one before I finished the prologue. There’s no WAY I won’t be rereading!  

Challenge Prompt: Popsugar – A book that you think your best friend would like 

The Boardwalk Bookshop by Susan Mallery  ⭐⭐⭐⭐(½)  Honestly, I’m not even sure why I picked this one up when I did. I ordered it from BookDepository AGES ago (the UK cover is prettier than the US one, and I’ll die on this hill), but then it got put on my shelf and left to ferment. But like a fine wine (a theme in the book), it was fantastic when I finally cracked it open. I wasn’t sure how I’d like a story balancing three romances across one plot, but everyone’s story was riveting in its own way and they fit together so well! 40 pages from the end, I said out loud “there’s no way they’ll be able to resolve everything,” but I was so wrong. Three for three on the HAE, which is exactly how I take my romance novels, with a hearty dose of friendship and family dynamics along the way. Susan Mallery has long been one of my favorite authors, and this was a friendly reminder of exactly why.  

No Mercy (A Valerie Law FBI Suspense Thriller - Book One) by Blake Pierce  ⭐⭐⭐  Thrillers aren’t usually so much my thing, but I like reading outside of my usual taste, and I was looking for something short to round out the month. This is under 200 pages, and the FBI element sparked my fancy, since I am a huge fan of crime dramas. It was … alright? Not painful to read, by any means, but it fell a little flat for me in places. Maybe the rest of the series will pick up, but I don’t think I’m curious enough to find out. That said, there are worse things I could have spent three days reading. 

Challenge Prompts: Popsugar – The shorted book (by pages) on your TBR); Romanceopoly Slueth Street (read a thriller or mystery where one of the main characters are a detective or private investigator) 

DNF: Our First Puck by Kat Obie 

[ciaossu-imagines]

I see.  That could be the case.  Yeah. I’ve been using the wiki for it during my rewatch so I can easily see what to expect and know whether I’ll maybe have to skip something or not. I’d say that as far as I remember, the omake episodes are good. Like I mentioned ‘Welcome Home, Frosch’ and it’s the omake with some added scenes and characters in between to add to the length but it’s a very enjoyable episode nonetheless and Rogue is just cute so no matter who your fave of the two ends up being, it’s a good episode. Though I will say that I had to watch the first episode of the Daphne Arc since it had the ending of the previous arc in it and some filler arcs do so I did watch that, just stopped when she appeared. She’s just, for me, such an annoying character so can’t sit through it. And thank you for trusting my opinion. The ending does appear in the episodes before the arc so you’ll still get the chance to watch it either way, it’s just not for many episodes. I actually connected it to Sting and my OC, like it’s their song it a way. It’s called ‘Be as One’ if you already want to listen to it. Oh, that is really nice. I’m so glad you appreciate his character 😭 And yeah, their friendship is so good and so funny (and again moments of it are shown in the spin-off). Like I'll forever love that one moment during the big attack after the GMG between the two of them. It's just so beautiful. The spin-off is actually properly called Gaiden. So if you add that to your search, you should be able to find it. Nice. Even though I haven’t reread the other ones, they’re still good because of the lovable characters. Yaaay. Looking forward to the book. Also love how you now call it a book and not, like what I usually do, an essay. It just shows how long our responses to each other are, which I’m all for 😄 And yay to it making you smile. Happy’s out there making you happy.

C

Thanks for the head’s up! I might watch the omakes once I finish my read throughs and decide on if fillers sound entertaining or not. Ooof, I feel you on annoying characters in filler. There are a couple shows with filler episodes where a character appears and I’m just like ‘sir, could we fucking not, pretty pretty please’. I did go and watch the ending for the song and thank you so much for the name of it. Saved me a lot of time and definitely see why you like it! Gotta ask though – is the Daphne arc like very Gray-centric or something or is it from the previous arc because jesus, the ending hits hard in my Gray feelings. I haven’t looked up the English lyrics yet, but I’m interested enough to know what the lyrics are saying so I probably will when I’m not quite so tired. Thank you so much for that hint! I found it and it’s added to the read list. And yeah, book it definitely is. It’s part of why I take so long to reply, and especially to you – while I write veritable novels to everyone, sometimes our replies can run 40-50 pages to each other and sometimes I just don’t have the energy, I’m so sorry!

[theangelshavethephonebox]

Heyyyy- went through and fixed a couple Deca member's galleries and character templates, plus uploading a few more pieces of art from the wonderful people who have allowed their work to be uploaded to the wiki (:

I thought it would be a good idea if I list the tasks that I want to get to next on the wiki:

Still got a lot of art to upload- the reason it's taking a while is because writing the alt IDs is quite tiring, so I can only do a couple of them at a time, but I promise I will get through all of them! Plus upload a few from the show that will be needed for the Doctor Who character pages on the Deca members

I'd like to figure out the best way to show that certain images are linked- maybe using prevnext? Because sometimes I have broken up a piece of art with multiple figures into each separate figure, because one of those characters had no solo art and needed something, but I think it would be good to show that they're all one piece of art.

Obviously if The Big Poll on Coverage concludes options 1 or 2 should be done, it'll be a lot more work, so priorities may change

I have been messing around with infoboxes- we'll see. If i can figure it out, it may be worth creating a couple template infoboxes, but also with the way we're doing everything right now I don't really see the need. If people are finding the layout of a specific type of page busy or confusing, maybe pop a note on one of those page's discussion pages?

Got a lot of category work to do. Luckily I can mass-add pages to categories, so I just need to sit down and do it, but there's also the issue of having overarching categories that other things are sub-categories of. Shouldn't be too hard, just something I have to sit down and figure out, you know?

If 1/2 is voted in, I will give each wiki artist their own page, rather than just a category. Didn't do that originally because I was a bit shaky on what pages should and shouldn't be mainspace, but I think if 1/2 is voted in they definitely should be, and would be under the 'fandom' section. Doesn't mean if 1/2 isn't voted in this won't be done, just that I'll probably put up a separate poll to see if people think it should work like that. If the artists come forward and say they would prefer that, that should override the poll though, because it's about them.

In terms of content, I've been working my way through insignificant memories, and then I'll go through decaeological findings- I'm going slow as I'm doing the plot summaries at the same time. Once all that's done, obviously the main series should be the main priority- I'll at the very least create stubs for the non-revised pages. I would've made Only Dead Fish when it came out, but honestly I didn't think I'd enjoy it if I had to type out a plot summary while reading for the first time. We've also got a lot of other major characters who need pages- Borusa, Ensilden (btw I think we should have a conversation about what name to use lol), Ummins... And, something I really think I need to make is the page on Doctor Who. Kinda embarassing that it doesn't exist, actually- it has 40 links to it!

But, I have exams next month, so though I'll be able to do some of the more low effort/quick ones of these, the bulk of this will be after May.

[loverofpiggies]

Hey guys- tumblr is a broken website and deleted this nice long thing I was writing you guys! Of course, of course.

But. I read everyone’s comments on my last post about discontinuing GV, and... I appreciate the support so very much ;0;

I’m always excessively hard on myself about this sort of thing, and it broke my heart too that I just. Can’t seem to get back into the story I loved so much. So, thank you for all your kind words. I read everything with tears in my eyes, I won’t lie.

And I AM doing much better then yesterday, a few of my friends were alarmed and contacted me, and. I didn’t mean to alarm anyone. ): I have a tendency to not realize how horrible I’m feeling for a long time, until I do some weird cryptic post, or message to someone, and just sorta crash. It’s not the best coping mechanism or anything, but I gotta be honest I got no clue how to curb it, since I never realize how bad I’m doing until I need a day to be real miserable and cry. So, oops! Sorry about that.

A related note, but. Part of what lead to that, is after I’ve moved back to New Mexico and have been working on my home, well. Some sad stuff under the cut, if you’re up for reading that.

My mom had a stroke a few weeks ago.

She’s doing better overall, but it was a massive shock to the whole family, especially right before Christmas, which is definitely her favorite holiday. It was heartbreaking to see her stuck in a hospital during that time, and just. See her struggling so much.

I only live 10 minutes away from her rehabilitation, while the rest of the family live almost 40, so I’ve been visiting her the most. I’ve been learning how to help her walk, sit, stand, ect, and I’m leaving in about a half an hour to do another learning session with her. I’ve been trying to be the fun, sunshiny one to help make her happy and laugh, and luckily it’s been working, and I’ve seen her spirits go up! But, it’s hard on me sometimes. Christmas was insanely hard and I ended up in tears, my whole family is struggling and it’s just. Been a real hard couple weeks. ): I am so happy I moved here before this happened though, that way I can be there for her.

And I know I’m not alone with the Covid situation, but 2020 was so hard, and so many hardships have happened since then, things that have completely upturned my whole life. I know I’m not alone in that, and I still have so many things to be grateful for, but. It hasn’t been easy. It’s a big part of why I just, can’t write a story right now. Besides, if I did, the writing would be terrible.

I am eternally grateful for the job I have, that I’m able to visit my mom as she needs, even if running a business solo is a LOT of work. But I’m able to shift things around and see her. I’ve also been delivering her food, since the food they give her isn’t.... well, all that great, and she’s barely hungry right now.

I will say, despite all that, I’m surrounded by incredible friends and family to help me during all of this. Despite feeling like crud, I’m really very happy for everyone and everything I have right now. So, thank you again. ;_;

And, I know I haven’t been active on here like at ALL, but the truth is I’ve been working on something, that mostly keeps all the visuals and everything hush hush. I also don’t want to post anything publicly about it, and then maybe be unable to finish it, so I’m mostly doing this project for me.

A while back I posted some visuals that indicated I was making a video game, and well. I still am! Everything has switched to pixel art, and I’ve reworked the game physics. I have the story set in stone, and I’m really genuinely excited to work on it. But unlike comics, you can’t just. Post a page up and do it slowly, you sorta got to complete the whole thing before putting it out.

I’ve learned how to program a ton of stuff, I just finished learning very basic save points and I’m working on the visuals for a menu, and I’m trying to get all the more frustrating things out of the way so I can focus on the story, and the level design.

This is SUPER SUPER early in development, but. I wanted to give you guys something as a thank you. The playable character’s name is Willow, and the other child is Nina!

So, thanks again for reading if you did, I appreciate it. I hope everyone is doing ok, and if you’re not doing ok, that’s ok too. Love you guys <3

[mrcowboyhale]

ah hi babe :) i read your work and let me say ?? my heart ?? i too have succumbed to sexy southern vampire.

heard your requests were open, so can i ask for window shopping w jas? thank you ~ <3

thank you so much!! glad to see were on the same page ;)<3

i really hope you like this! although i think i made it moreee into a shopping imagine rather than just a window shopping imagine plz forgive me bae

jasper hale x reader

u guys go window shopping !!

✿ you and jasper were walking through the bustling streets of port angeles, arms linked.

✿ there weren’t many shops in forks - of course you nonetheless appreciated the ones that were there -

✿ but you and jasper still decided on going over to port instead because it was just more interesting!

✿ everytime you’d pass a shop with cute clothes you’d stick your hand out and point at the mannequins like a child at a zoo

✿ “jazz! isnt that top with the ruffle trim so cute?” you’d query

✿ jasper would nod smiling at you, anything you were intrested in - jasper was always intrested in as well

✿ “do you think it’d look good on me?” you thought aloud.

✿ “of course, sugar” although jasper already knew you looked good in everything AND anything

✿ you smiled at him shyly in responce

✿ you guys continued walking,

✿ but you abruptly came to a halt once you saw it.

✿ the whale bookstore 📚

✿ your entire face lit up !!

✿ “oh my god japser i have to go in I HAVE TO THEY HAV-“

✿ “Y/N!! YOU ALREADY HAVE 40 BOOKS THAT YOU HAVEN’T YET READ SITTING IN YOUR BAG.”

✿ jasper would physically try to stop you from going in and buying even more books than you already owned, and albeit him being a vampire it was a hard task.

✿ of course you ended up going in ( the power of persuasion is very useful! ) but you came out with only one book as per jaspers request, you both seemed satisfied with this

✿ as you walked out of the store you opened the book to the authors note; “wow did you know jane austen was born in 1775?“

✿ “she could be edwards long-lost sister!”

✿ you got a laugh out of jasper with that line.

✿ jaspers eyes quickly skimmed the streets before they landed on a coffee stand as he absentmindedly replied “hes so old.” he then grabbed your arm guiding you to the coffee stand.

✿ “oh yeah and you arent right? mr im 75 years young” you joked as jasper rolled his eyes

✿ suddenly you took notice of where you guys were as jasper abruptly stopped infront of the counter to this coffee stand.

✿ “jas?“ you chuckled as you eyed the stands sign “you dont even drink-“

✿ “hi! what can i get you?” the coffee worker interrupted in a polite voice

✿ “hi, one iced matcha latte please.”

✿ omfg…? that was your order !?!?

✿ “$5.99”

✿ jasper handed the worker a $10 note as the worker handed him the cold drink “keep the change.”

✿ although japser considered what he had just done a small gesture your heart was HELLA THUMPING

✿ “you didnt need to do that” you said, heartfelt

✿ “yes i did, besides it really fascinates me to watch how you can drink something so green”

✿ you rolled your eyes giggling as you swiftly kissed him in gratitude.

✿ as you guys continued to walk on you saw one of those miscellaneous dress up stores that would sell costumes.

✿ you saw a cowboy costume on display on a mannequin and immediately nudged jasper in the ribs notifying him while snickering.

✿ “you should get that, you’d totally rock it” you joked

✿ jaspers face was in genuine shock as he saw it. “ i need that. i-“

✿ and this time it was YOU who was trying to physically stop jasper from going inside and buying that cowboy costume.

✿ of course - since jasper was the vampire here it made your task very hard.

✿ in the end you obviously didn’t have enough physical strength and jasper went in. he walked out with thankfully not the entire outfit but with just a cowboy hat.

✿ jasper put on the hat and struck you with a side smirk “how do i look darlin’” with an over-exaggeration of his southern accent.

✿ you bursted into a fit of laughter. “it suits you!”

✿ he wore it the rest of the trip home making you giggle from time to time and making you two look very questionable to the cullen family as you guys arrived home.

[americasass91]

The Shield and the Sweater

Hello lovelies! This little fic came to me when the lovely, beautiful, talented @stargazingfangirl18​ asked a very important question on her blog. Would you rather be enemies to lovers with Steve Rogers or friends with benefits with Ransom Drysdale. Well my greedy ass wanted both. Thus the birth of this story. I also turned it around a little to make it fit into Siri’s 5k Soft Dark Challenge! I’ve never written anything dark before. Also not sure if this classifies as soft!dark or if it’s more dark. But it’s one of those! If that makes you uncomfortable, then please don’t read it. This is also my first time writing a threesome, so let me know if it sucks! I hope you enjoy it! 😘

General prompts:

8)The town golden boy isn’t as sweet as everyone thinks.

Dialogue prompts:

3)”Oh, honey, you weren’t supposed to see that.”

11)”I’ve waited a long time for this, sweetheart.”

Rating: Explicit(if you’re under 18, please leave)

Words: 6.2k(this one got away from me, sorry)

Warnings: soft!dark/dark themes, unprotected sex, anal sex, vaginal sex, threesome(M/M/F), manipulation, language, model!Ransom being an asshole, Steve not being who you think he is

“And I really think if everyone pitches in to make these changes, it’ll really make a difference in the long run.”

Wow, so this is how you were going to die. In your whole 20 something years of existence, you never thought boredom would be your cause of death.

Sure, you were the lead Accountant at Stark Tower and these monthly meetings were mandatory. But did you really have to be here to listen to Rogers go on and on about how we can ‘improve our working environment’? Why did he even care anyway? He was barely ever here as it is.

You must have been zoning out worse than you thought because next thing you know your coworker, Janet, is poking you in the side and pointing towards Steve.

With a quick glare sent her way, you move your gaze to the Captain. He is giving you the same look he always does. Like he’s disgusted with you. “I’m sorry Miss Y/L/N. Am I boring you?”

A scoff escapes your mouth. “No, not at all Captain Rogers. I just love when people who are never here seem to always have an opinion on how things are run and how they could be better.”

He narrows his eyes at you. “Do you have a problem with me, Y/N? Cause if you do, I’m sure there’s a way to solve that.”

You stand up and match his expression. You lean forward with your hands resting on the table. You can’t help but notice the Captain drops his gaze to your cleavage that’s now on more display than before. But just as quick as it was there, his gaze rises back up to meet your face. “Is that a threat, Captain Rogers?”

“Oh, it’s more than a-“

Tony quickly stands up and claps his hands together. “Okay! Meeting adjourned! You two, come here!”

You quickly straighten yourself up and make your way over to Tony. You always try to make sure you show him as much respect as you can. He’s your boss after all.

“I’m so sorry, Mr. Stark. My emotions got the better of me. It won’t happen again.”

He nods to you. “Thank you, Y/N. I accept your apology. But what I’m not understanding is why Steve here wanted to fire you?”

You both turn to look at Steve who has a sheepish expression on his face. “Yeah, sorry about that, Tony. She just seems to bring out this ugly side of me. I’ll try to keep it more contained next time.” He then moves his gaze to you. “Sorry, Y/N. I promise to be more professional moving forward.”

He makes a quick exit, leaving you shocked that he apologized at all. Ever since you started here almost a year ago now, you’ve been at each other’s throats. It was your fault really.

It was your first week and you were in the break room grabbing some coffee when you overheard a few of your coworkers making fun of Steve for being a virgin. Now, you weren’t sure if it was true but you wanted to fit in so you made your way over to the group and asked if anyone calls him Captain Virgin. That earned you some big laughs. But the laughter died down quickly as Steve entered the room to grab some coffee. Judging by the glare he gave you, he heard what you had called him.

You went straight to Tony after that to apologize. You really didn’t want to get fired. But you wanted to make sure Tony heard the story from you before Steve got the chance to talk to him. To your utter surprise, Tony found the name hilarious and gave you a high five, saying you were going to fit right in.

Well long story short, it’s almost a year later and Steve is still getting called Captain Virgin. Oh but don’t worry, he has names of his own for you. His favorite is Tony’s Pet. For some reason, it really eats at you when he calls you that.

But the one thing you hate the most about Steve?

Is how utterly, hopelessly, and desperately attracted you are to the son of a bitch.

That happened in your second week when you went to use the complimentary gym and saw him beating the shit out of some poor punching bag. Your panties and your workout were definitely ruined after that.

The more you fought with Steve, the more you just wanted him to bend you over any surface and have his way with you.  

It was despicable how horny you were for him. You were pretty sure all he’d have to do is snap his fingers and point to the floor in front of him and you’d happily drop to your knees and take him down your throat.

So that left you leaving work every day in a horny state. You started by taking care of it yourself when you got home. But after a while even that wasn’t cutting it. Then you started bringing home one night stands. But after the 4th disappointing non-orgasm, you gave up and just learned to live with it.

Sure, you could attempt to start being nice to Steve and maybe ask him out. But you were pretty sure he hated you. Plus you have way too much pride to actually do that.

So that leads to now. It’s Friday night and your workday is almost over. You’re inputting the last few numbers from the last expense report in your pile.

You get the last number put in when Janet approaches you. She sits on the corner of your desk. “So, you coming tonight?”

You take your glasses off and lean back in your chair, stretching your arms over your head. “Coming where?”

She rolls her eyes at you. “Oh, come on Y/N! You know we go out almost every Friday night. You never come and you always say you will!”

You start to clear off your desk and put things back in their place. “Yeah well I could. Or I could go home and sit on my ass and do nothing.”

“Well, that explains why it’s looking a bit bigger lately.”

Janet’s jaw drops as she directs her gaze at Steve, who is now standing in front of your desk.

You smirk and lean on your elbows towards him. “You like looking at my ass, Rogers?”

He scoffs. “Well when it takes up that much space, it’s hard not to notice. But here, I came to give you this.”

He hands you what looks to be a 10 page expense report. “Sorry it’s late, I’ve been busy, you know. Saving the world.”

You ungraciously take it from him and throw it in your to-do pile. “That can wait until Monday. I’ve got plans. We’re going to-” you look towards Janet for clarification. “Lavo.” You turn your gaze back to Steve. “Yeah, we’re going to Lavo. So this will wait til Monday if that’s okay with you, sir.”

Steve does his best to move his bag and jacket subtly towards the front of his pants so you won’t notice his growing hard-on. He hates how turned on he gets when you guys get into it. And then you call him sir? Jesus. He clears his throat. “Of course, I'm the one who turned it in at the last minute.”

Janet speaks up quickly. “You could always come with us! It’ll be fun!”

You grin widely at him. “Yeah! You could finally get your cherry popped, Captain Virgin.”

Steve can’t help the blush that covers his cheeks. “Uh, I can assure you my cherry has been popped since the 40’s. But thank you for your concern. And thank you for the invite, Janet. But i think I’ll stay in tonight.” He takes out his phone and sends a quick text before turning around and walking towards the elevators.

Wow. He didn’t even try to retaliate. You shrug your shoulders and grab your purse before standing up. “Alright, I’ll go! But on one condition!”

Janet claps her hands in excitement and starts walking with you towards the elevators. “Sure, anything!”

You press the button for the lobby. “You are going to be my wingwoman. Cause this girl definitely needs to get laid.”

😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈

Lavo is super packed by the time you guys arrive. Of course you all had to go home and change.

You decided to go with a simple, yet effective, little black dress that showed off just enough to get men’s attention.

Thankfully you are able to score the last table. The waiter comes over and gets everyone’s drink order. You decide to stick with your favorite. You don’t want to get too drunk on the off chance you find someone to take home.

About a half hour into hot office gossip, Lucy, who is sitting across from you, taps your arm. You raise your eyebrows in question towards her.

She subtly nods her head towards the bar. “Okay I’m pretty sure the hottest guy I have ever seen is checking you out.”

You can’t help the smirk that crosses your face. “Yeah? Which one?”

“You can’t miss him. He’s fucking hot. Like no comparison to any of the other dudes sitting up there.”

You glance down at your drink and quickly finish the remainder. You stand up and adjust your dress, pushing up your breasts in the process. “Well, then I guess it’s time for a refill.” You wink and turn to make your way towards the bar.

It doesn’t take long for you to spot him. And boy was Lucy not kidding. He was fucking hot. Brown hair, blue eyes, and a smug smirk that would normally turn you off. But on him it worked. And who even looks that good in a fucking cream colored cable knit?

You go up to the bar, not too close to Mr. Hottie of course, and patiently wait for the bartender.

Hottie McHothot not so subtly moves his gaze up and down your body. He must like what he sees. “Hey honey, have you ever raised chickens?”

Uh. That’s definitely not the first thing you expected to come out of his mouth. You look over at him with confusion on your face. “Uh, no. Why do you ask?”

He just shrugs his shoulders. “Just kinda figured you might. Cause you sure can raise a cock.”

Okay, you’ve definitely never heard that line before. You crack up. You’re pretty sure you even snorted on accident. Once you collect yourself you ask, “Has that line ever worked for you?”

The bartender makes his way over to take your order. After reordering what you had before, you turn towards Hottie and wait for his answer.

“Not sure, my buddy told it to me yesterday so this is the first time I’m using it. Did it work?”

You shrug your shoulders. “I don’t know. It was pretty cheesy.”

“Yeah, maybe. But it got you to laugh. So I’d say mission accomplished. Name’s Ransom. What’s yours, pretty girl?” He holds out his hand for you to shake.

Ransom. Now where have you heard that name before? You accept his hand shake. You can’t help but notice how much bigger his hands are than yours. Jesus. You could already feel your panties getting wet.

“My name’s Y/N. Ransom, that sounds familiar. Do I know you?”

He releases your hand and goes to take a sip of his bourbon. “Well, I guess that depends. Do you read magazines or have you seen the side of the city bus lately?”

You quickly wrack your brain. You don’t read many magazines. But the bus drives by you everyday on your walk to work. Holy shit! That’s it! He’s in his underwear on the side of the bus. You’ve drooled over that picture plenty of times.

“Oh, yeah! I remember now! I’ve seen you on the bus! What’s it an ad for? I can never really get past the almost naked man. A bit distracting on my way to work.”

He smirks as he briefly glances down at your breasts. “I’m glad you know my work. It’s an ad for Calvin Klein. For their new line of men’s briefs. Sorry I’ve been a distraction.” He sends you a wink.

Fuck. He was a model. And a popular one at that if he’s in an ad for Calvin Klein.

“I didn’t say I minded. You can make it up to me you know.” You wink back. Holy shit. Were you really flirting with a model?

“Yeah? Well, how about we get out of here and I’ll show you a fully naked man.”

Okay. Cheesy line number 2. Was that really going to work on you?

Yes.

Yes it was.

“Let me just go grab my purse.”

Drink forgotten, you go back to your table as quickly as you can without looking desperate. “Sorry, girls. But this is where I leave you.”

Janet glances down at her phone. “We haven’t even been here an hour yet! Where are you going?”

You send her a wink. “I’m leaving with that guy! You guys know him! Remember that ad on the side of the bus?”

They all turn their gaze to him. And they all make it very obvious. He just waves and sends them a smirk.

“Holy fucking shit! That’s the new Calvin Klein guy! Oh my god you lucky bitch!”

“Wait! Listen. We’ll let you go on one condition.”

You furrow your brows in confusion. “Okay?”

Janet gives you a naughty smirk. “On Monday I’ll need a report on if they had to stuff his briefs to get that delicious looking bulge or not.”

You give her a naughty smirk of your own. “I can totally do that.”

😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈

Monday morning you were all smiles as you stepped off the elevator and headed towards your desk. You give Janet a wink as you pass by her. She quickly makes her way over just as you sit down. “Um, excuse me hoe. But is that the same dress you were wearing Friday night?”

You quickly grab the cardigan you always keep in your desk out and put it on and button it up, attempting to look a little more professional. “Maybe.”

Janet opens her mouth in shock. “You stayed the whole weekend with him? You little slut! How was it?”

You turn on your computer and grab for the expense report of Steve’s you left in your to-do pile. Then you turn towards your nosy coworker. “Well, if you must know, yes. I did stay the whole weekend with him. And I’m pretty sure I was in an orgasm-induced coma the whole time. It’s all kind of a rough, sticky, mind-blowing blur.”

“Are you going to see him again?”

You shrug your shoulders as you put in your login information on the computer. “I haven’t decided yet. While the sex was the best I’ve ever had, he’s kind of an ass. Talked about himself and all the famous people he’s hooked up with since becoming a model. I honestly kept initiating sex just to make him shut up.”

She gives you a look like you’re stupid. “I’m not seeing the issue here. So what if he talks about himself a lot? The sex was amazing. You need to lock that down girl.”

You roll your eyes at her. “That’s the thing, Janet. He doesn’t do relationships. He told me so multiple times. Plus I’m pretty sure he was texting another chick in between our ‘sessions’. I suppose if I’m desperate, I’ll get a hold of him.”

“You know you could always just have him on backup for sex. Like a friends with benefits situation.”

“Janet, I’m in my late 20s. I’m too old for that kind of relationship.”

“Exactly, you’re in your late 20s! This is the perfect time for that kind of relationship before you settle down and get married! Have one last final hoorah!”

“I can’t have this conversation before caffeine. I’m going to get coffee. You act like I’m dying soon or something.” You turn to walk away but then remember you were supposed to tell her something. “Oh yeah and by the way. The bulge is definitely not stuffed.”

You give her a wink and then head to the break room for some much needed coffee. When you see who’s in there, you almost contemplate going downstairs to a different break room.

Steve is standing at the counter, preparing his coffee. He turns when he hears you come in and gives you a once over. “Well, look what the cat dragged in.”

You grab a mug out of the cabinet beside him. “Sorry my appearance isn’t up to your standards today, Rogers. I was a little...busy this weekend.”

He takes a sip of his coffee to make sure it’s right. Then he moves out of your way so you can get to the coffee, but still staying close. “Busy getting run over by a truck? Cause that’s kind of what you look like.”

You pour yourself a generous amount of coffee and take a long sip, letting the bitter liquid slowly make you human. “Yeah, well. I was busy getting fucked all weekend, Rogers. But I know your little innocent mind wouldn’t know what that’s like.”

That wipes the stupid little smirk right off his face. He almost looks pissed. He moves even closer to you. Almost pressing himself right up against you. So close that you can smell his coffee-scented breath. If you were wearing panties, they’d be ruined.

“Not all of us feel the need to sleep around. Some of us are looking for a real connection. Not just a one night stand of meaningless, mediocre sex.”

You press yourself just a little closer to him, his chest now touching yours. “Oh, it was anything but mediocre. Maybe if you actually got some, you’d know what that feels like.”

He leans his head down until his mouth is next to your ear, his left hand now resting on your hip. “You really need to stop insinuating that I’m a virgin sweetheart. If you were nicer to me, I’d show you that I know how to fuck.” With that he backs up and heads out of the break room.

You let out the breath you didn’t realize you’d been holding. Jesus Christ. You swear you almost came.

And if you were nicer to him? Fuck him. He’s not nice to you either. That’s okay. You have someone who can scratch this itch.

You pull out your phone and send a quick text.

To: Fuckboi

You busy tonight? I could really use a release.

The reply came almost immediately.

From: Fuckboi

Didn’t get enough of my cock this weekend huh? I suppose I could make myself available.

You roll your eyes and quickly reply with your address and what time to be over.

The rest of the day passes by slowly. It takes you half the day to enter Steve’s expense report. God he’s descriptive. At least it’s completed. You can’t really say that much for the other Avengers. They usually half assed them and made them barely acceptable.

You are shutting down for the day when Steve approaches your desk. You remove your glasses and look at him expectantly. “Is there something I can help you with, Steve?”

A blush creeps it’s way across his cheeks. “Um, I was actually just wondering if you had time to go over the new expense report forms? They should be a lot easier to fill out.”

You glance down at the clock on your computer. Ransom is going to be at your place in about 20 minutes.“Can we do it tomorrow? I have company that’ll be showing up at my apartment in like 20 minutes.”

His hopeful smile falls. His face is now unreadable. “Would your company happen to be whoever you spent the weekend with?”

Confused, you grab for your purse after getting your computer shut down. “Actually, yes. Should I have asked your permission first?” You attempt a joke to ease the sudden tension.

He pulls out his phone and starts typing furiously. Wow. You weren’t aware he knew how to text. You hear it ping with a reply before he angrily puts it back in his pocket. “Sure, we can do this tomorrow. Wouldn’t want to get in the way of your whoreing around.”

Your jaw drops in surprise. Sure you guys were always throwing jabs at each other. But he’d never said anything like this before. And in such a mean tone.

You round your desk and stand right in front of him. “Fuck you, Steve.”

You hurry towards the elevators before he can see the tears that have welled up. You couldn’t let him know he had that power over you. Asshole. Thank god Ransom was coming over. Hopefully he could fuck what Steve just said right out of your head.

😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈

You’ve lost count of how many orgasms Ransom has pulled from you with his mouth when there’s a knock on your door.

Ransom looks up at you from his kneeling position on your living room floor. “Did you invite someone else to join us, pretty girl?”

You scoff and push him away so you can stand up. You pull your dress down as you make your way towards the door. “Yeah. I can barely handle just you. I’m pretty sure if we added someone else, I’d actually die.”

You open the door and gasp in surprise. “Steve? What are you doing here?”

He rubs the back of his neck nervously. “Look, I know you probably already have company but I felt really bad about what I said to you earlier today and wanted to apologize.”

You have so many questions. “How did you know where I lived?”

That sheepish smile makes its appearance again. “I may or may not have looked in your employee file.”

You shake your head. “And you felt the need to come all the way here and apologize? Why not just text me?”

“It would only have felt right to me to do it in person. I really am sor-”

You feel a pair of arms wrap around you from behind. “Well, who do we have here? Why is Captain America at your door?”

You turn your head to address Ransom. “He just came by to apologize to me. I think he was just leaving.”

Steve has a disappointed look on his face. “Yeah, I suppose I was.”

“Awe, what a shame. I thought you were gonna ask him to join us, pretty girl.”

Steve’s eyes grow wide at the thought. You quickly speak up. “No, I don’t think he’d be comfortable with that. He’s a little old fashioned.” You give him a sincere smile. You didn't think that was a bad thing.

Steve looks back towards the elevators and then back to you. He clears his throat. “What if I wanted to join you?” Seeing your wide eyed look, he quickly adds, “Only if Y/N would be comfortable with that of course.”

You contemplate what the consequences could be in your head. But then you get distracted when Ransom starts grinding his hard on against your ass. “Come on, pretty girl. Make a decision.”

The next word comes out of your mouth faster than what your brain can process. “Okay.”

😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈

Now you were standing awkwardly in your bedroom with Steve and Ransom looking at you expectantly.

You’ve never done this before so you’re not sure how this is supposed to go. “So, um. How do we start exactly?”

Ransom smirks and comes up behind you. “I think you should call the shots, pretty girl. If you’re okay with that, Steve?”

With the mention of his name, he walks towards you and places his hands on your hips. “I think that’s a great idea. Can I kiss you now?” He places his hand under your chin and raises your face up to meet his. “I’ve waited a long time for this, sweetheart.” With that, his lips meet yours. It’s explosive. You quickly wrap your hands around his neck and press yourself up against him.

You get so lost in the kiss, you forget that Ransom is there. That is until he presses his lips against your neck and presses himself against your ass. It presses you even further against Steve, making you feel his excitement against your lower belly.

You’re so overwhelmed already and you’d barely started. You may not survive this evening.

As you move your hands down to remove Steve’s shirt, Ransom is unzipping your dress, pressing kisses to every inch of exposed skin.

Without breaking the kiss, Steve moves his hands around to unhook your bra so he can get his hands on your breasts. He pinches your nipples, causing you to moan into his mouth. He moves his lips to your neck, sucking on your pulse point.

After successfully removing your dress, Ransom stands back up and turns your head to connect your lips. He starts rutting his clothed hard on against your naked ass. His left hand reaches around to bat one of Steve’s away so he can squeeze your breast.

Steve takes the hand that had been swatted away and moves it down to your soaking wet core. He starts lightly circling your clit. Just enough pressure to make you mewl.

You reach behind you with your left hand and tug at the waistband of Ransom’s briefs. “Off.” You moan out as you take your right hand and start attempting to take off Steve’s jeans. He smirks into your neck and helps you out. He barely gets them unbuttoned and unzipped before you’re reaching your hand into them and his boxers to grab his cock. It feels big.

Ransom grabs your left hand and places it on his now free cock. You wrap your hand around it and give it a squeeze before you start pumping your hand up and down. You do the same to Steve’s, making the both of them let out grunts against both sides of your neck. Steve increases the pressure on your clit a little. Still not enough.

“Nee-need, you. Please.” You weakly moan out. Ransom moves his mouth up to your ear. “How do you want us, pretty girl?”

You reluctantly pull away from both of them so you can think. You decide to be greedy. You point to Steve. “I want you to lay on the bed, please.”

He does as you ask. Putting his hands behind his head as he awaits further instructions.

You get on the bed and straddle him. You turn around and reach your arm out for Ransom. “Want you behind me.” You lean over and open your bedside drawer to grab the lube and toss it at Ransom. He smirks as he straddles Steve’s legs and gets behind you. He uncaps the lube and starts coating his cock with a generous amount. “Need my cock in that ass, pretty girl?”

You hold up your hand. “Wait.” You lean down towards Steve and give him a quick kiss. “Are you okay with this?”

He nods his head. “As long as you are.” You raise back up and smile at him. You turn your head and look at Ransom. “I’m assuming you're okay with this?”

He just smirks and squeezes some lube out so that it slides down the crack of your ass. “More than okay, pretty girl. Need me to stretch you out first?”

You smirk and pull him in for a quick, filthy kiss. “I think it got plenty stretched out this weekend.”

He matches your smirk. “You little slut. Wanting both of our cocks stuffing you full.”

You whimper as he lands a smack on your ass. Leaning up on your knees, you grab a hold of Steve’s cock and start running his tip up and down your folds. He places his left hand on your right hip and his right hand on your left thigh. “Condom?”

You quickly shake your head and pause your actions. “On the pill. Unless of course you’d be more comfortable with one.”

He shakes his head. “No, just making sure.”

You turn back to Ransom. “I’ll let you know when I’m ready for you.”

He nods and places his hands on your shoulders, waiting somewhat patiently.

You slowly sink down on Steve’s cock. He’s stretching you out so deliciously. It burns in just the right way. Ransom may be longer, but Steve is definitely thicker.

After you get fully seated on him, you take a minute to adjust. It only takes a few seconds. You turn your head towards Ransom. “Okay, I’m ready.”

He removes his right hand from your shoulder and grabs the base of his cock and starts pressing against the tight ring of muscle. He’d been in there a lot over the weekend. But it was still a tight fit regardless. He doesn’t go as slow and sheaths himself to the hilt, causing you to moan out in slight pain and pleasure.

Holy fuck. You feel so full. You think you might die. That is until Ransom removes his cock until just the tip remains and then forcefully thrust back in, causing you to grind on Steve’s dick.

Steve grunts out from the movement and starts thrusting up into you the best he can from his position. Ransom wraps his left arm around you and continues his thrusts, not letting up his pace. You don’t even really have to move, the both of them doing it for you. They somehow find the perfect rhythm. Each of them pulling out and pushing in at the same time. One of your hands is behind you, resting on the back of Ransom’s head while the other is resting on Steve’s chest.

Steve sits up suddenly and pulls you in for a kiss. “Like being stuffed with both of our cocks, pretty girl?” You hear from behind you. “Yes. So good. So full. Gonna cum.”

Ransom removes his arm from around you and reaches down and starts circling your clit. “Do it. Cum all over us. Make a mess.”

Steve can feel you squeezing him. “Please, sweetheart. Need to feel you cum on my cock. You’re gripping me so good.”

You explode. You clamp your eyes shut, seeing stars behind your eyelids. You let the both of them fuck you through it.

Ransom’s hips stutter. The fluttering around his cock is too good. He cums with a shout of your name, filling up your ass to the brim. He gives you a few more thrusts before he pulls out and collapses beside you two.

Steve’s been patient while you come down from your high. He lays back down, pulling you with him so that your chest to chest. He bends his knees and grabs onto your hips. “You ready, sweetheart?” You raise up, both of your hands on each side of his head. You give him a nod.

That’s all he needs. He starts fucking you, hard and fast, chasing his release. He can feel it building. He just needs to feel you come undone around him again. He moves one of his hands and starts circling your clit with his thumb. “Need you to cum for me again, Y/N.”

You shake your head. “Can’t. Too much.”

Ransom sits up beside you. “I know what she needs.” He reaches over with his left hand and wraps it around your throat, squeezing gently.

It makes you clench down on Steve’s cock. “Yeah? That all you needed, sweetheart? A hand wrapped around your pretty throat? I know you like it. Can feel you squeezing me.” He picks up his pace. The only sounds that can be heard are his grunts, your breathy monas, and skin slapping against skin.

It doesn’t take long for your orgasm to hit you. This one is somehow even more intense than the last.

You must’ve blacked out for a few seconds because the next thing you know, you’re waking up in between Steve and Ransom.

Steve smiles down at you. “There she is. We lost you for a second, sweetheart.”

You feel drunk. You smile goofily up at him. “Did you cum?”

Just as you ask that, you can feel his release seeping out of your overused cunt. Then you feel cum leaking out of your ass. You hide your face behind your hands in embarrassment. “I can’t believe we just did that.”

Ransom removes one hand while Steve removes the other. “Nuh uh uh. No hiding allowed, pretty girl. I have no regrets.” He looks at Steve. “Do you?”

Steve smiles down at you and leans down to press a soft kiss against your lips. “None from me. You tired, sweetheart?”

You let out a big yawn and nod your head, slowly closing your eyes. “Get some rest, pretty girl.” That’s the last thing you hear before sleep takes you.

😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈😈

You wake up sometime in the early morning, stretching out your sore limbs. You know you have a dumb smile on your face. But you can’t help but notice your empty bed.

You sit up and hiss at the deliciously sore feeling between your legs. You grab your robe and slip it on. You can smell coffee coming from the kitchen. You giddily make your way out of the room and down the hallway. They both barely just come into view, still unaware you’re there, when you hear Steve speak.

“I thought you were going to be an asshole to her? Make her see I’m not that bad.”

You hear Ransom next. “I was an asshole to her. I’m sorry I dicked her down so good that she wanted more.”

Steve scoffs. “I never gave you the okay to fuck her!”

“You also didn’t tell me it was off limits. Look you got what you wanted right?”

“No, actually I didn’t. I didn’t pay you so we could have a threesome together.”

What the fuck? Steve paid Ransom to help him get in your pants?

“Ok, how about this? I’ll give you all of your money back if I can fuck her one more time before I go? Then we’ll be squared away.”

Steve seems to be conflicted. “Fine! But this is the last time Ransom. I have to get to work anyway. After this, she’s mine. And make sure she’s not late for work herself.”

Before you have time to react, Steve rounds the corner and sees you standing there. He has a deer caught in headlights look. Ransom comes up beside him and sees you. “Oh, honey, you weren’t supposed to see that.”

You slowly start backing up towards your bedroom. Steve moves towards you, stopping once you put your hands up. “Stay away from me! Both of you! I want nothing to do with either of you!”

Ransom moves past Steve and grabs onto your arms. “Oh, please. You’d fuck us again if we wanted. Wouldn’t you?”

You spit in his face. “Fuck you, Hugh.”

He gets a sinister look on his face. “Wrong move, pretty girl.” He looks toward Steve. “Don’t worry, I’ll fuck the brat out of her. You better tell her boss she won’t be in today.”

Your eyes go wide at his words. You start thrashing against him, trying your best to get away. Steve has had enough. He comes over and yanks you away from him and presses you against the wall. “You better calm down, sweetheart. I’ll treat you like a princess if you can be my good girl. Can you do that?”

You shake your head. “Why would you think I’d want anything to do with you after finding out you paid someone to help get into my pants?”

He gives you an evil smirk. “Because if you don’t, I’ll just have to release the tape of last night on the internet. Let everyone see how much of a slut you actually are.”

You narrow your eyes at him. “You’re bluffing.”

He smirks and turns his head towards Ransom. “Show her.”

Ransom gets his phone out of his pocket and swipes at the screen for a second before turning it in your direction.

Holy shit. They weren’t bluffing. There you were, getting fucked by the both of them. That would ruin you if it got out. Not only would you get fired, but your parents would probably disown you. You’d never have a normal relationship again. You’re fucked. Even more than you were last night. How had you not noticed they were recording it?

Ransom must have read your mind. “I set my phone up while you were busy with Steve’s fingers on your cunt and his tongue down your throat. I think you need to ask her again Steve.”

Steve grabs your chin and moves your gaze onto his face. “I’ll ask you again. Are you going to be my good girl? Let Ransom fuck you one more time and then it’ll just be me and you?”

You drop your gaze to the floor. You feel a tear run down your cheek as you whisper out, “I’ll be your good girl.”

Taglist: @stargazingfangirl18​ @drabblewithfrannybarnes​ @harrysthiccthighss​ @lllols @patzammit​ @quxxnxfhxll​

Steve Taglist: @donutloverxo​

[ace-beef]

You have ocs? 👀👀👀👀👀Tell us about them

Yes! I have so many I don't know what to do with them all sometimes!! I won't go through LITERALLY all of them because I must have at least 40 or something at this point (and that is not a joke, I remember counting them all once and I know I got to a number in the 40s lmao) but I will go through the ones that I do the most stuff for.

I’m also going to add in a read more break because even though I don’t talk about ALL of my OCs, I still talk about a decent amount of them and give somewhat chunky descriptions of the main ones.

First of all, I have an entire page on my blog that gives the run down for all of my DnD OCs, including base stats, backstory, the amount of sessions I've played them for etc. Currently I have 15 of the silly little dudes and I have even written a few fics about some of them! They can be found on my AO3.

Next, we've got OCs that are a part of my main writing project: Finders Keepers. This is a book idea that I really hope to write one day, and it actually spawned from a dream I had one night! I remember sitting bolt upright in the morning and thinking " I NEED to write this down" and then I scrambled out of bed and to my laptop to write it all down before I forgot too much. I will say that I had this original dream back in April 2020 and since then it has evolved and grown so SO much (I have a google doc with literally ALL of the info about the plot, characters, the magic mechanics, the enemies etc that currently is 13 pages long. If you're so desperate to look at this document then feel free to DM me for a link!). It follows four teenagers as they discover that there are dark forces in the world that seek to destroy humanity, and obviously they are the ones that need to stop it all and save the world! The four main characters of this and their sort of “main characteristics” are as follows: 

Faye Harper, 16, she/her; long golden blonde hair that is often tied back in a messy ponytail, pointed facial features, soft green eyes, tall for her age and tallest of the group, appears to be thin but is surprisingly strong, messy and scruffy in general, un-identical twin sister to Ewan, bit of a horse girl, outdoors-y, adventurous, creative, not afraid of much, explores everything she can (sometimes she explores a little too much and it gets her into trouble), brave and determined, works hard to achieve her goals and sticks to her beliefs and opinions, commanding and stubborn, can be impatient

Ewan Harper, 16, he/him; short and neat-ish blond hair the same shade as his sister, hazel eyes, kinda short for his age and the shortest of the group, chubby, acne, quite strong, a lot neater than his sister, has Pretty Boy potential, un-identical twin brother to Faye, animal nerd, also naturally outdoors-y but not as adventurous, has to get dragged into things by the others, the Mum Friend and the voice of caution, can be a tad childish, will be first on hand to help the others if they get injured, stubborn and rooted, anxious

Skylar Murphy, 16, they/them; black hair that’s cut in a sharp jawline bob with full fringe, warm brown eyes, average height, lean in build but still has a little bit of stock to them due to them being in good shape, small bit of acne, can speak both English and Japanese, English father, Japanese mother, both parents are very strict, casual nerd that mainly enjoys video games and cartoons, also really active and enjoys sports and exercise (especially skateboarding), is on the school’s netball and hockey teams, used to bully others in primary school, the Cool Kid, does not like to appear vulnerable or soft, aggressive and confrontational, determined, daring and quick thinking

Kaden Black, 16, he/him; brown eyes that are so dark they look black sometimes, somewhat round facial features, floofy brown hair that’s cut short except for at the front and sides where it parts in the middle into cheekbone-length curtains, acne, short but not as short as Ewan, average in build but a little on the larger side, broad shoulders, large round glasses, biggest nerd of the group and is into literally everything (particularly Star Wars, Bill and Ted), enjoys cosplay, history buff that enjoys researching things, absolutely riddled with ADHD, impulsive, eccentric fashion sense, chill and goes with the flow, can be impatient sometimes, good listener, fun sense of humour 

And then I have to also mention an important side character called The Keeper (real name is Waylon Foster), 56, he/him; wears a grey turtleneck jumper, thin black-brimmed reading glasses, fluffy grey hair, light grey facial scruff that is just a shade or two lighter than his hair, stocky but not exaggerated in build (has a bit of a dad bod), strong but also a little soft facial features, fairly tall, has an Anakin Skywalker-style scar over his right eye, soft and kind blue-grey eyes that don’t look Quite Right, the 'Old and Tired Mentor', Dad Energy, enjoys reading and learning new skills, good at teaching and communicating, soft, kind, caring, gentle and patient, aggressively protects the kids no matter the cost, can’t quite remember How To Human properly, quiet, humble, a little bit shy and reserved, sometimes can get lost in his thoughts

So that’s brushing the surface of Finders Keepers! Next, my other main creative project with OCs: The Van Helsing Project. This I would love to turn into an animated TV show, and this also has a large google doc of everything although it’s only 5 pages long (tbh it’s mainly just character descriptions and basic plot, I need to add stuff to it). This is about the grandson of the infamous Abraham Van Helsing continuing the family tradition of hunting monsters, and forming a team to aid him in this endless mission. I basically like to call it 1930s Scooby Doo but for adults because it has the same sort of format hehe. It was inspired by a couple of my absolute favourite films, Van Helsing (2004) and The Mummy (1999), as well as my favourite TV show, Jekyll and Hyde (ITV, 2015). Anyway here’s the gang and their main characteristics: 

Abdiel Van Helsing, early 30s, he/him; character design and personality is loosely based on Rick O’Connell from The Mummy: shortish messy hair, side parting, thick and short sideburns, ‘Obi Wan Chestnut’ in colour, bright green eyes that are almost unnaturally bright, a fairly strong and square jawline but not exaggerated, short scruff facial hair that’s slightly darker than his hair, thick and scruffy eyebrows but also not exaggerated, large scar diagonally across the nose as well as plenty of others on the body, strong and chunky in build but again not exaggerated, tall, wide grin, complete himbo but has a decent knowledge on a lot of monsters and how to hunt them, no actual superpowers but he’s just naturally talented and well trained, has ADHD, can be a bit too cocky for his own good but in an oddly charming way, care-free, playful and energetic, gets along with most people, casually flirts with pretty much anyone if he finds them attractive enough

Mary Frankenstein, early 30s, she/her; long bright ginger hair that is tied back in a high-ish ponytail with a sweeping side fringe, pale skin, lots of freckles, pale blue-grey eyes, pointed face and nose that is a little hooked in shape, large round glasses, gold cross-shaped earrings as well as a gold cross necklace, thin and average in height, shoulders slightly wider than hips, zoologist and cryptozoologist, wants to find out how monsters tick, how to kill them more effectively and how to cure and rehabilitate monsters if possible, can handle herself in a fight easily, confident, thoughtful and thorough, smart and intelligent, stern and serious, no nonsense attitude, blunt, cold and harsh (especially to those who don’t know her very well), develops feelings for Abdiel but really does not want to tell him about them

Quincey Harker, mid 30s, he/him; character design inspired by Keanu Reeves’ portrayal of Jonathan Harker (as if this version of John was Quincey’s dad): collarbone length straight black hair that is often tied back in a loose ponytail with shorter swoopy bits at the sides and complete with widow’s peak, somewhat pale skin, long and rounded face and nose, thin features, defined jawline, warm brown eyes, three large ‘claw mark’ scars over the left side of his face from the cheekbone to the chin as well as lots of other scars over the body, body is thin and lean but still somewhat muscular, tall and is a few inches taller than Abdiel, Protective Older Brother energy, grew up alongside Abdiel due to the Van Helsings and the Harkers keeping in touch and visiting each other frequently, also continued the family tradition of hunting monsters, quiet, calm, reserved, considerate, chilled out, has the capability to be chaotic and stupid because he’s sometimes enabled by Abdiel, good at picking up on other people’s emotions, good at comforting and looking after others, plays a big part in matchmaking Abdiel and Mary since both of them refuse to believe that the other could possibly like them

Cynthia Lanyon, late 20s, she/her; character design inspired by TGS Lanyon: soft brown skin, average in build but with surprisingly squishy cheeks, round and bright eyes that are a soft dark brown in colour, small and rounded features, dark brown ringlet curly hair that is fairly short and surprisingly well kept, almost always has a pair of goggles on her head (brass or copper in colour with varying colours of lenses), short, hourglass body, makes gadgets and weapons for Abdiel and others to use, knows chemistry, alchemy and mechanics, is autistic, shy and nervous with people to start out with but becomes cheerful and friendly once she gets to know others, very much at home in her workshop, enjoys telling people about the things she’s made, she can manage in a fight but will always be looking for a way out of it, prefers to be The Guy In The Chair, talks rather fast, easily anxious, creative and thoughtful, always tinkering with something 

Charlotte ‘Charlie’ Talbot; this character I haven’t properly developed yet, but her basic concept is she’s the team’s medical professional who wants to help and heal people, but during the show she becomes a werewolf and has to try and deal with these new animalistic and aggressive behaviours that she absolutely hates

Detective Samuel Drake, early 60s, he/him; shortish salt and pepper hair that has a bit of a curl to it, thick and angular moustache of the same colour as his hair, the beginnings of sideburns, bushy eyebrows, strong features including a prominent nose that has clearly been broken in the past, washed out blue eyes, rounded face and jawline, rectangular rimless glasses that are always pushed right up to the bridge of his nose, average in height and build but definitely has a bit of a Dad Bod going on, is not one of the main hunting party/group and works for the British police and is pretty much one of the very few people in the police that know about Abdiel’s unique job so does his best to make sure that Abdiel and his team don’t get into too much trouble, childhood friend of Abdiel’s mother, friendly and witty, focuses completely on the task at hand and becomes stern and serious, has a very good moral compass and makes sure that people know this by breaking the 4th wall and lecturing the audience while staring directly at the camera (the other characters don’t even know that there is a 4th wall to break so they are greatly confused by this behaviour) 

Next I’m just gonna list some OCs that aren’t a part of these main three things, some are independent and some are for already existing media. I’m also not going to go in as much detail as the ones above (because this post is long enough already lmao):

Drew Hunter, an Outlast OC that becomes a werewolf and is admitted to Mount Massive Asylum by his sister Sarah. Turns out the asylum has a whole section for those who suffer from clinical lycanthropy as well as actual lycanthropy. All of these patients are treated by the cold-hearted and oddly soft-spoken Doctor Zachery Baines. I have written one fic about how Drew was sent to Mount Massive on my AO3 and I do have another WIP of him meeting Dr Baines but I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever finish that one lmao. Maybe one day, we shall see. 

Oscar Hart, a BBC Ghosts OC who is a medieval ghost that died during a training accident on the grounds that would become Button House. He desperately wanted to join the next crusade but he was always kinda clumsy and accident prone, so he never made it. I have a tumblr post giving the run down on this sweet boy.

Lucid Dream and Canine King, who are Killjoy OCs. Spawned from my reawakened obsession with My Chemical Romance this year, I decided to finally delve into and understand the Danger Days lore. Lucid Dream actually was a pre-existing OC from when me and some friends played the Cyberpunk tabletop game once (they were just called Dream back then), but that campaign died a year or two ago and since then this OC had been left; they’d gotten dusty. So upon deciding to make Killjoy OCs I went “hold on a second, Dream would fit so perfectly into this universe” so I gave them a makeover and now they’re a Fabulous Killjoy. Canine King is an originally made Killjoy and tbh I haven’t developed them much, but they’re kind of a sona, and also kind of me going “hey what if we added werewolves to this universe”, because putting werewolves into everything is kinda my thing. 

Elizabeth Wolfe, an OC for The Glass Scientists, a lodgersona that I made back when everyone was making funky little lodger versions of themselves. Ironically I’ve kind of fallen off TGS but I do still really enjoy Elizabeth and her tiny reanimated dinosaurs. I have two fics on her becoming a member of the Society and the antics that ensure on my AO3.

Charles Starr, an eccentric mad scientist that basically spawned from me thinking one day “hey Charlie Day would play a really good mad scientist”. So basically he’s a combination of Charlie Kelly and Newt who’s been thrown into that stereotypical mad scientist vibe like Doc Brown from Back To The Future. He’s a flexible OC, like I can put him into different universes for fun, so he’s definitely going to feature in The Van Helsing Project at least once. 

Emily and Gayle, who were part of my original writing project that I had before Finders Keepers. This was actually also based on a dream! The concept was basically ‘Good Omens Except With Vampires And Werewolves’. Emily is a werewolf and Gayle is a vampire, both have gone to university at the same time and have ended up being in the same halls. It takes them far too long to realise that the other is a supernatural creature and therefore hilarity ensues. When they do finally realise though, they decide to team up and become best friends (eventually more than friends) as Emily is no longer in a werewolf pack and Gayle left their old vampire clan long ago. I do still want to write this one day because I think it’ll be fun! 

Max and Kit, two pirates that also spawned from a dream. Max and his nonbinary wife Kit co-captain a pirate ship together, and with their faithful crew they explore the world. They also have a pet hippocampus! 

Canine Anarchy, a band formed of 5 werewolves (hey look more werewolves, I do so much shit with werewolves, everything is better with werewolves), Kyle on guitar and lead vocals, Daniel on base guitar and backing vocals (although he does do lead vocals sometimes), Ash on guitar who does all of the cool and technical riffs and melodies, Amy on lead/backing vocals and keyboard, Ellie on drums and backing vocals. These guys have been bouncing around my head since I was a teenager, because I came up with them during long car journeys. I would stare out of the window and imagine this band playing all of the songs I listened to on these long journeys. In terms of the music they play, well I was an emo teenager so you can already imagine the kind of bands I was listening to. The reason I’ve added them to this list (because I wasn’t planning on adding OCs I came up with before I was 16), is because I recently gave them a makeover. Some of them have new names and new designs and I’ve finally found a name for the band that I actually like! 

So yeah that’s a decent amount of my OCs! I always have some of these funky little dudes spinning around in my head at all times, mostly it’s either the DnD ones, Finders Keepers, or The Van Helsing Project, but the others get turns too occasionally! And obviously I am always down to talk about ANY of them. 

[spacedikut]

the very insecure dr reid ; spencer reid

pairing: spencer reid x gn!reader

summary: “Could you write another fic about early Spence where he’s all insecure” combined with another request :) 5730 words

a/n: title taken from s1e5!! i wrote this months ago aka before i decided to try to make my fics gender neutral and i tried to make the appropriate changes but im also a dumbass so! yeah! 

masterlist

Spencer is a man of science, if you didn’t already know.

This means he doesn’t spend his time fretting over what isn’t there, what doesn’t have facts and evidence to back it up. Of course, he dabbles in reading conspiracy theories and enjoys learning about various religions and things of that sort, but these are to expand his already infinite knowledge, not because he particularly believes in them.

The first time he believed there was some kind of God was when you kissed him.

It was after the case where both Elle and Spencer were trapped on a train with a paranoid schizophrenic – he still remembers how you reacted when he agreed to being sent in, how you tried to keep it light-hearted but pulled him aside to solemnly tell him you didn’t think you’d be able to live without him (if you do something rash and stupid, Spencer, I swear to God-). You threatened to nipple cripple him if he did die, and it was weirdly motivating.

After he was checked over, and teased Elle about saving her life, you came crashing into him with an audible oof and a whisper of, “God you smell so good I’m so glad you’re okay don’t ever do that again.” It was probably the adrenaline, the near-death experience high, but instead of gently pushing you away like he’d do with anyone else, he discovers your waist has a wonderful dip that his arms fit perfectly into as he tugs you close.

He’s hugged people before, obviously, but it’s always different with you.

You must think so, too, because when you pull away just enough that you’re still in his arms but can clearly see his face, you take a minuscule intake of breath that Spencer wouldn’t notice if he wasn’t, you know, Spencer.

A strand of Spencer’s hair falls from where it was tucked, falling into his line of sight. Without hesitation you’re pushing it back, fingertips brushing against Spencer’s cheek as you fold the hair back behind his ear. Your eyes meet when there’s no obstruction, electricity crackling in Spencer’s ears when he realises there’s nothing between you, nothing stopping you, and there’s something about the lack of space between you and how he holds you that just makes you ask-

“Would it be weird if I kissed you right now?”

Immediately, Spencer thinks yes. Not because he doesn’t want you to (he couldn’t think of anything better to do, to be honest), or because of where you are (although, knowing the whole team is not far away does make him feel a little funny), it’s because he’s him. Gangly, awkward, with very sweaty hands that feel at home on your body, and you don’t want to kiss that. You can’t want to.

Yet, he shakes his head, and finds himself copying you when you lean in and close your eyes.

It’s short, sweet, and somewhat weird. He thinks he blacks out, loses himself in your lips despite it happening so quickly.

When you pull back, Spencer’s eyes remain closed for a good few seconds before he’s brought back to Earth. And he doesn’t know what to say - pretty people don’t just… kiss him. They certainly don’t ask if they can kiss him, then follow through, and… stare at him like that.

“Has anyone seen Reid? Y/L/N?”

Whatever was supposed to happen after, whether it was good or bad, you’ll never know. Hotch’s footsteps are thundering towards you and, despite your daze, you step away from Spencer just as he spots you.

The second time he believed there was a God, he asked you on a date. And you said yes.

Neither of you mention the kiss. In your defence, he supposes, it happened merely an hour ago – everyone’s rushing to get back to Quantico so no one’s had time to make any kind of small talk, let alone have the talk after a kiss.

Elle gives Spencer a look of confusion when she slides past him, moving into the jet as he hovers in the entryway. He’s obviously waiting for someone, passing out tight lipped smiles to the team when they all squeeze past. Spencer isn’t a big guy, but it’s bizarre for him to be standing there like that, swaying like the palm tree he is – he’s usually setting up for yet another game of chess with Gideon at this moment.

Then you shuffle on, faltering when you catch him waiting for you but smile nonetheless. He straightens, hands remaining in his pockets when his mouth opens to speak. You interrupt him (before he can make a fool of himself, thank God).

“Wanna sit together?” You ask, eyes never leaving his. He nods and follows you like the lost puppy he is.

The second you invite him to sit next to you instead of opposite he wants to pull you tight into his side, but that seems like too much. He’s not Derek, for Heaven’s sake, and you’re not Garcia – all you’ve done is kiss once and really, when he thinks about it, you were probably on an adrenaline high too, so it might’ve been a heat of the moment thing. It happens, Spencer’s read about it, and although it would break his heart that it meant nothing, it’s likely. Oh, it’s so likely.

Spencer might be the first one on the team to cry on the BAU jet.

Halfway home, the team is lost in their own pass-times to notice when you bookmark your page and place your book on the table.

“Spence,” You whisper, testing if he’s awake.

He is. He hasn’t been able to catch a wink of sleep, no matter how hard he tries. “Yeah?”

“I’m sorry if what I did earlier- you know-“ You gesture vaguely in the air, completely oblivious to the fact Spencer is very familiar with what happened earlier because he can’t stop replaying it, “-If that made you uncomfortable. Or if I forced you, or-“

“Would it be weird if I asked you on a date when we land?”

The grin you send him shoots straight to his heart, eyes crinkling with laughter at his echo of the words you used earlier. If you notice you don’t mention it, but his hands can’t stop fidgeting under the table, slick with sweat.

“It’d only be weird if you don’t kiss me after.” You say.

His brows furrow, a small incredulous laugh leaving him. “What? Why?”

“We’ve already had our first kiss, so it’s out of the way.”

“Are you saying… You want to kiss me again?”

You thought that was obvious from when you kissed him earlier, but you’re happy to remind him. “Yes. I would like that very much.”

“Okay,” He says, bashfully, with a lick of his lips. “I can- I can arrange that.”

This time, when you turn back to your book, your head finds his shoulder and Spencer thinks his it has turned to gold, blessed by being touched by you. Would it be too much if, the second you get back to base, he writes about this moment in great detail to his mother?

+++

All of that leads to now, where The Date is in three days.

He plans to take you to his favourite book café, a place you’ve always wanted to go but never had the chance to, and he was so, so excited. Any time he gets to spend with you is cherished and means more to him than it does to you, because to him it’s an excuse for you to give him more reasons to fall in love with you. And he does - fall in love - every single day.

Was is the important word here. He’s not excited anymore.

It’s terrifying how quick the tides can change.

Just this morning, he was glancing with child-like excitement at the outfit he’s already chosen for the date. You brought him some coffee, whispering an endearing, “Three days!” as you did, and, according to Derek, Spencer’s love eyes (what the hell does that mean) were so big even Derek fell in love with you for a second.

Now, Spencer’s not territorial, but that comment stuck with him. Maybe that’s why he’s here now.

He has to cancel the date.

It pains him – God, does it pain him – but he has to. He can’t go on that date with you. He can’t… put you through that. Make you spend time with him and have to let him down gently, slowly, like you’re talking down a temper tantrum. He can’t then pretend everything’s okay in front of the team. He won’t be able to pretend, because he’s liked you for months.

He won’t force you to go on that date with him. You deserve better than that, and better than him.

That’s what it comes down to: you deserve better than him.

It started that morning with Derek, as previously mentioned. Then the team was whisked away on a case, and the detectives were all over you. JJ, too, but they were too intimidated by Elle and Morgan, who just laughed at their attempts to impress you. It was borderline inappropriate, but you were too concerned with the victims and finding a serial killer to pay some officers and detectives you’ll never see again any attention.

Spencer noticed, though. And he couldn’t concentrate.

The detectives are dressed too well – by that, he means the suits and the Rolex watches are way above their paygrade – and they keep emphasising how good looking you and JJ are and how lucky the BAU is to have such dolls working on the team. What is this, the 40s? Who calls anyone doll anymore? And, yes, the team is very lucky to have you and JJ, but because you’re both great minds and wildly intelligent people that, yes, are also very gorgeous, but your looks aren’t all you have to offer, thank you very much.

There’s a detective approaching you, again, as you stand by the water cooler.

Spencer frantically looks around, trying to find a member of the team. “Morgan!” He weakly calls, because Spencer won’t scare him off. Maybe Morgan can chase them away like they’re stray cats, with his big muscles and scary eyebrows. Or Elle, who earlier merely lifted an eyebrow and the officers scattered like cockroaches.

All he catches of the conversation between you and the model/detective at the cooler is, “I appreciate it, but no thank you,” and that’s all he needs to hear.

He should’ve known someone would eventually make a move. You’ve said no, clearly, and Spencer doesn’t understand why. I mean, yes, he knows why – you have a prior engagement – but the detective… As much as he’s kind of a dick, he complements you better than Spencer does. Physically.

And there starts the spiral.

There must be something in the water, because every officer and detective and everyone in between is in peak physical condition with dashing looks to boot. They’re all straight out of a magazine, as if the popular kids from Spencer’s high school graduated and followed him here to remind him he is incredibly unworthy of you.

Spencer is lanky, unlike the broad men and curvaceous women here, and slicks his hair to the side rather than up like the others. He wears sweater vests, not blazers, and he’s so skinny that his trousers always look like hand-me-downs – nothing is fitted, like so many outfits are here.

They’re all everything Spencer is not. And Spencer is realising, quite quickly, that they’re the better ones – and that’s what you deserve. Better. The best.

It gets worse when they deliver the profile.

He finds his spot next to you, gives you a tight lipped smile, then looks at the outfits of his team compared to his own. Both Hotch and Morgan wear dark suits, well-proportioned and sophisticated in a way that Spencer is sure isn’t even in his calibre. Elle wears a deep green t-shirt, tucked into her tight black pants, and looks wonderfully intimidating with her double gun holster wrapped around her shoulders.

And you. You.

You wear a white shirt tucked into nicely tailored trousers, hair effortlessly styled with a pen tucked behind your ear. You all look like FBI agents. Intimidating. Prepared. Put-together.

Spencer… looks like he’s still in high school. He threatens no one, intimidates no one, and definitely does not make anyone feel inferior with his masculinity. He’s not an alpha male, is what he’s trying to say, and for each person he encounters in this wretched police department he feels himself shrinking.

So when they give the profile, he tries to say as little as possible. Tries to attract as little attention as possible, so when Hotch says his usual, “Thank you.” He can slip away unnoticed and hide from the superior beings.

It works, given everyone is too busy trying to save lives. Except you notice, and Spencer has to pretend he’s okay when you find him at the evidence board and tell him you’re excited for the date. He wants to believe you, truly does, but no matter how hard he digs into his brain to find a part of him that can fathom you see him as a better option than literally anyone else, it doesn’t exist.

You don’t seem to notice. He tells himself he’s glad, but there’s no denying the disappointment.

+++

Hotch calls it a night when the clock nears midnight. He says the team should get as much rest as possible and come in with fresh eyes tomorrow – despite this, the team knows most if not all of them will get little to no sleep, given that they’ll all be going over everything they’ve got so far in their hotel rooms.

You slink up to Spencer, a pep in your step even though you’re running on pure caffeine and nothing else. It’s then Spencer realises he has to do it now, because if he does it in the police department then he’ll be called unprofessional, but if he waits any longer than that he’ll be cutting too close and that’s a bad look.

“Y/N,” He says, coming to a stop before the elevators, allowing the rest of the team to head up. “I need to say something.”

You nod with a smile, covering a cute yawn when he takes a couple seconds to gather his thoughts.

You’re not sure what he’s gonna say, but you assume it’ll be to do with the date. Maybe a change of time, or a change of venue – he did mention the library café can get super busy on weekends – or, worst case scenario, the date will have to be postponed for whatever reason. And none are particularly bad, because you’re excited and just want to be with Spencer – it doesn’t matter if it’s not when he originally planned or where he originally planned.

But Spencer has always unwittingly been full of surprises.

“We can’t go on that date.”

Instantly you ask, “Why not?”

“Well-“ He seems caught off guard, like he wasn’t expecting you to question the sudden change of heart, “It’s complicated-“

“I’ve got time.”

“We should go to sleep-“

“Is it your mother?”

“No. No, it’s not.” Of course you look empathetic when you consider his mother might need him – a stab to the start. Add in the flicker of concern in your eyes – two stabs to the heart. “It’s not her. It’s- it’s nothing. Just, can we cancel?”

“And reschedule?”

“No.”

“Oh.”

The disappointment is clear on your face and makes Spencer feel so guilty, but not guilty enough to take it back. You’re not disappointed that you’re missing out on dating him, you’re frustrated that you’ve been building up to having plans on the weekend and they’ve suddenly been cancelled without reason. By Spencer, of all people. In a couple months’ time you’ll thank him, when you’re dating some bodybuilder who can grow a mean beard. You’ll thank him for not making you go on that date with him and forcing you to tell him you’re just not my type, Spence, and making everything awkward.

He can’t look at you. Maybe that’s why he misses the genuine sadness, the sudden glassiness of your eyes that humiliates you enough to make you angry. His words have ignited a fire in your chest that burns through your body like you’re made of gasoline, and you wish you could turn your thoughts off so you don’t start questioning how long he’s been wanting to reject you, if he even wanted to date you in the first place, how embarrassing it is to have been so openly eager when, apparently, he was very much not.

“I’m sorry.” He says, like it’ll do anything. He still can’t look at you and he feels like a coward.

“Yeah.” You sniffle.

He decides to take the stairs. You head for the bar, just for one drink.

+++

The following day, when an officer tries to talk to you, you blatantly ignore him. You tell him that unless it’s work-related, you’re really not interested, and word spreads quick that your pleasantries have died out and you’re not in the mood to tolerate creepy compliments.

There’s a permanent frown on your face that haunts Spencer the entire day. He knows exactly what’s going on – it’s his fault, after all – and he finds himself simultaneously avoiding you whilst witnessing your downcast mood.

Morgan starts investigating not long after you barely react to his terrible joke. He makes them for you, because you either choke on laughter or throw your pen at him, but this time it was like you weren’t even in the room. When Morgan poked you and asked if you heard him, your lacklustre reply was, “Hm? Yeah, good one.”

Morgan perches on the desk Spencer’s using. “You got any idea what’s going on with Y/N?”

“They’re mad at me.”

“You’re the reason they’re like this?”

Spencer doesn’t physically react, just says, as casually as possible, “Unless another person asked them on a date then cancelled without reason, then yes. It’s my fault.”

There’s no point in lying. Especially to Derek. Spencer doesn’t know how you’ll go about explaining your sudden poor mood, if you’ll curse his very existence or lie about it, but Spencer’s never been a good liar and the sooner everyone knows it’s his fault and he sucks, the better.

Morgan leans forward, attempting to make eye contact with the doctor who very much does not want to. “There’s a story there.”

“Obviously.”

“…You wanna go ahead and explain it?”

“Not really.”

“Alright,” Derek shrugs, “You stir in your sadness and continue being a sourpuss, I’ll go check up on Y/N and find out what really happened.”

Derek’s barely moved off the table when Spencer stops him, voice small like a child, “Wait, Morgan, I-“

You walk past then, too focused on a suspect list faxed in by Garcia to pay attention to anyone else. Spencer’s eyes follow you the whole time, and the look in Spencer’s twinkling eyes make Morgan slump back onto the table in realisation.

“Why’d you cancel, Reid?”

“I had to.”

“You had other plans?”

Spencer chews his bottom lip. “No. But I… I couldn’t take them on a date.”

Derek waits for him to elaborate.

“Have you seen the kind of guys hitting on them?” Spencer asks, scooting his chair closer so no one can eavesdrop. “They’re all… They’re- they’re like you, Morgan. All cool and put-together and actually look their age, for one, and I’m not that. I could never be that – and that’s what Y/N wants-“

“Have you asked them that?”

“No. But I’m a profiler, in case you forgot, and I think it makes sense that these big-shouldered, super muscly guys are all over-“

“But you haven’t actually asked them what they want.”

“No.” Spencer sighs, leaning back in his chair.

“That’s your first, and most vital, mistake, my man.”

Spencer purses his lips, catching you watching him over Derek’s shoulder. You immediately look away, shooting off to the evidence room as an escape, and Spencer’s cheeks burn with guilt and embarrassment.

He can’t believe he thought he had a chance with you.

“I feel like this should be obvious, Genius, but Y/N said yes to a date with you, then turned down every offer that came from someone that wasn’t you-“

“That’s because they already made plans with me and they’d feel terrible if they had to cancel for another, better offer. I made it easier for them.”

Derek gives him such an incredulous look Spencer wonders if he should burn his PhDs. “Are you serious?”

The crestfallen expression on Spencer’s face is enough of an answer.

“Come with me.”

“What?”

“C’mon,” Derek tugs Spencer up from his chair. “I need to show your dumb ass something.”

All that’s missing is classic spy music when Derek and Spencer sneak into the conference room the BAU is using. Only Hotch is in there, scribbling something down, barely glancing up when the two agents creep in like they’re on a mission.

Spencer doesn’t say anything until Derek reaches for your bag. “Whoa- Morgan-“

“Relax.”

Spencer just stares, brows halfway down his face, and watches silently.

“That’s they’re journal, Morgan, you can’t just read it-“

“It’s not, pretty boy.”

Hotch watches the interaction, mildly confused, then nods to himself when he realises what Morgan’s holding.

Morgan splays the journal on the table in front of them, flipping through pages with precision like it’s his notebook and not yours. When he lands on his desired page, it’s slid towards Spencer.

He reads it.

The Doctor Spencer Reid cheat sheet. (Because I do not have an eidetic memory and feel bad whenever I forget something he tells me)

He’s too stumped by the words cheat sheet to look further, so Derek does it for him, flipping to the next page where very basic information about Spencer sits – full name, date of birth, hometown. As he looks to the page next to it, he realises it’s full of his favourite things – favourite coffee, favourite candy (which has multiple answers, by the way), even favourite pair of socks. Like a switch has been flipped, Spencer comes to life, frantically switching between pages that are overflowing with facts and tidbits about him, from his favourite monologue from his favourite film to his favourite shelf in his apartment. All things he’s told you either in passing or when he’s confided in you at random times, you’ve taken note. You’ve listened, and for some reason you’ve written it all down so you’d never forget.

“What…What is this?”

“It’s everything there is to know about you, Reid.” Derek watches as Spencer slips through the rest of the book, filled with random to-do lists and phone numbers of various people, looking for the same information about the rest of the team. “There’s only one for you, you know. And if you ask me it’s a little creepy, but it’s saved our asses when it’s come to buying gifts for you a good few times.” He slaps a hand on his friend’s shoulder, smirking at how Spencer’s awe-filled eyes never leave the pages before him. “They care about you a lot, Reid. More than you think. So…”

“I need to talk to them.”

“Yes, idiot, you do.”

+++

That night, Elle and Derek invite you to join them for some drinks at the bar, promising they won’t let it escalate to arm wrestling and childish bets like they always do. Even though they make a compelling argument, add on that you’re stressed and upset and really, really want to forget emotions exist more than anything else, you’re half tempted to accept and lose yourself in some cocktails.

Then you spot Spencer talking in hushed tones with Gideon and everything comes flooding back. So you tell Elle to have a drink for you, please don’t make a ruckus when she gets back to your shared room, and bid them adieu.

In your room, you distract yourself by renting one of your favourite movies. It’s overpriced, and a part of you wants to look over the case files again, but being sad and burnt out won’t lead to any good outcomes.

It’s a futile attempt at switching your brain off so you don’t have to think about how excited you were for the date. You’ve had twenty-four hours to get over it, but every time you see him you’re thrown back into the bitterness you feel – bitter that you fooled yourself into thinking it’d work out, bitter that your hopes were so high, bitter that you let your feelings for Spencer become such a big part of your life.

You’re lying on your scratchy hotel bed, thinking about Spencer and how he’s going to be complaining to Morgan about said scratchy beds, when there’s a knock at your door.

Naturally, you assume its Elle. She reminds you so much of your older sister who used to slide you some money so you’d stay up late into the night and quietly let her back into the house after she’s sneaked off to go to a party – except Elle is probably swaying outside your hotel room after losing her keycard rather than swaying on your doorstep.

So when you open the door, teasing quip ready, you legitimately choke when you’re faced with a fidgety Spencer Reid.

He tries to ignore how the way your face drops when you realise it’s him feels like a punch to the gut.

“Hey-“

“No.”

“Oh.”

“You-what-“ He’s never seen you so flustered. “Are you lost?”

Just in case, Spencer leans back to check the number beside your door is in fact 208. It is, and he turns back to you, “Please don’t slam the door in my face.”

It slips out. “I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardise your pretty face.”

You’re humiliated that he has this effect on you, the ability to obliterate all your filters and common sense just by existing. But the look on his face alleviates the want to jump out of the window – his mouth opens, twitching into the smallest, most bashful smile before it falls and morphs back into disbelief. You just… You just called his face pretty, a word that makes some feel emasculated but no, never with you. You compliment people and mean it, which makes Spencer’s guilt worsen and the urge to tell you he loves you with his entire heart more intense.

You speak at the same time.

“Why are you-“

“I wanted to-“

You roll your lips together, holding back a smile, and nod for him to go on. He does the same, so you shake your head with a, “I was just asking why you’re here.”

He holds up a finger, signalling one moment, and opens his satchel to start rummaging in it. “I know this is a complete invasion of privacy, and theft, really, but Morgan showed me it and I just- Why do you have this?”

You gasp.

In his hand is the journal you’ve been working on since a month into your employment at the BAU. The gifted notebook was initially used to jot down any bits of advice your superiors gave you (on your first day, Elle gave you a list she lovingly titled “If I wasn’t an FBI agent I’d sock these people in the mouths”) but, before you knew it, it had an entirely different purpose.

It started when you witnessed Derek stumble when asked Spencer’s favourite colour, to which he said no one remembers stuff like that! Aptly followed by Spencer reeling off everyone’s preferred colours (even delving into second favourites and favoured colour schemes) and you realised then that… Spencer’s whole life, he’s remembered so much about the people around him and very rarely have they returned the favour. So, in an attempt to build friendship and because you had the fattest crush on him already, you started the Spencer Reid cheat sheet.

You didn’t think he’d ever see it, even if it’s always used by the team on various occasions. It was the team’s little secret, bar Spencer, that assisted in nearly every decision made on Spencer’s behalf – what to order from restaurants, drinks, birthday and holiday gifts, how to comfort him when he’s stressed or upset.

The responses vary. Derek thinks it’s weird, as did Elle at first, but JJ and Garcia insist its sweet and, really, no matter what they think they’ve all come running to you when time has called for it.

“How… Did you steal it?”

“Yes,” He tells you, guiltily, “I had to read it – it’s incredibly accurate, by the way.”

You don’t know if that’s a compliment or not.

“So… Why?”

“I don’t know,” You say, a bold-faced lie and Spencer can tell, but he lets you continue, “You remember everything about everyone else, so I wanted to… do the same for you, I guess.”

“I have an eidetic memory.”

You airily laugh – does he think you forgot that? “I know that. Doesn’t it get tiring recalling all this information about your friends and not having it reciprocated?”

He clicks his tongue at that, eyes falling back to the notebook in his hands that he fiddles with while he thinks. It is tiring, he supposes, but that’s how it’s always been. He remembers everything, the people around him just… don’t. He realised at a young age that he’ll often have to remind himself that friendship isn’t measured by what they remember, but by other ways – like this. You, with your unassuming journal that is full of things Spencer assumed no one would ever care to remember.

You, with your tensed jaw and fluttering eyes because you’re embarrassed.

You, who’s done quite possibly the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for him, and it’s been happening for years right under his nose.

You, who he cancelled a date with because he was so sure you were dating him out of pity, out of obligation after he asked and you felt forced to say yes, but now he realises you care about him just as much as he cares for you.

Touched feels like an understatement.

“Y/N…”

“If you find it weird, I’ll burn it the second we get home. Pretend it never happened, we can… discuss a restraining order if we must-“

“Y/N.”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

“Oh.”

He smiles at you, hands tight on the book in his hands, smiles so big that his eyes crinkle and his teeth show and he looks gorgeous. It tugs directly on your heart strings and just for a second you forget that he cancelled your date, forget that you’ve been pining for years, and bask in the warmth that radiates from him.

“This is… Insane, really.” He laughs, “But also so… so cool. I don’t deserve this, at all, and to think we could’ve gone on a date but I chickened out-“

“What?”

He shrugs with faux-nonchalance. “The-um- the reason I took back the date was because I think you deserve so much better than me. In a, you deserve someone like all the police officers down at the PD, kind of way. I don’t want a pity date-“

You scoff, then with an indignant, “Come in here,” You grab Spencer’s satchel and tug him into your hotel room, closing the door with a forceful push as he turns to face you.

With your hands on your hips, you stare him down with furrowed brows and a look that screams really? “Is that really what you think, Spence? It was a pity date?”

“Well, yeah,” He tells you. The conviction in his voice is so strong that, if you weren’t this riled up, you’d probably tear up at how sure he sounds.

You give another scoff. “Not only am I offended you think I’d do that to anyone, but I’m also mad that you don’t see how I look at you! Spencer, I’ve been into you since I started working here-“ His mouth falls open. You’re exasperated. “-and the notes were a way to get to know you, yes, but they were also because I couldn’t stop watching you and had to play it off like I was doing it for a reason. You’re my favourite, Spencer.”

His heart aches a little, full of such a tenderness he’s never quite felt before. He feels loved, and so, so touched that someone would put so much effort into getting to know him and… years. Literal years you’ve liked him, and he’s been blind to it.

“I like you a lot.” You’re breathless after your little speech, “And if you still don’t want that date, that’s okay. But I like you, Spence, I really like you.”

Your gaze never wavers. Spencer wants to scoop you up and place kisses all over. For the first time in a while, he feels worthy. Like what you’re saying isn’t being said for the sake of it, because you’re his friend and you have to support him, but because it’s what you genuinely think and feel and Spencer might be in love.

He swallows deeply before speaking.

“I really like you, too, Y/N. And I’m-I’m sorry that I cancelled the date and- I should’ve talked to you, maybe, before doing it, but… We’re here now, right?”

“You want to have a date right now?”

Thumbing through the book, he says, “Actually, there’s some blanks in here I’d like to fill, if you’re not busy…”

You’re very clearly on board with the suggestion, basically skipping to your bed, plopping down and patting the space beside you with a grin. “I’m not busy at all, Doctor Reid. Tell me everything I don’t already know.”

So he does, thigh pressed against yours and blush on his cheeks when you let your head fall onto his shoulder.

The night is spent giggling over the most random information you’ve gathered, correcting only one mistake (his favourite socks change every week, not your fault), and adding onto the already plentiful fact file.

And the date that weekend happens, ending in a sweet kiss on your doorstep that leaves you both with shy smiles and thundering hearts.

It’s the first date of many, followed by the creation of a new journal full of all there is to know about your and Spencer’s relationship.

+++

tags: @pinkdiamond1016 @bluerose512 @andreasworlsboring101 @bitchyreids @roses-and-grasses @ta-ka-shi-ma @chiffonchronicles @rexorangecouny @unmistakablyunknown @goofygubler14 @jasongideonapologist @gublertoon @averyhotchner

[losingitinjersey]

Ever spend the last 12 days intending to blog every day and then never finding the time to do so?  Yup, that’s where I’ve been at.  Straight up in survival mode over here.  

My MIL left on Monday and while my days since have been spent constantly putting out fires managing two crying children (often at the same time), I’m oh so flipping happy to be on my own again :) I understand that it’s important for family to come and visit and get to know their grandchildren. While I’m happy we all had that time together I’m glad to now have the time to figure out life as a family of four without an extra person in the house.  

Kevin started a new rotation that has him gone six days a week from 4 a.m. to 8:30 p.m. (or later) so all he has time to do is come home and sleep.  Poor guy :( I went from having both him and either my mom or MIL home all the time to now doing everything alone.  It’s a lot but I’m surviving!  

Here’s a rundown of some of the highlights from the last 12 days. 

Aug passed her hearing test!  Woooo!

Thanks to the MIL here, Kevin and I were able to go (BY OURSELVES) out to dinner, out to brunch, on several walks, and two grocery shopping dates!  Such a dreeaaammm!

My MIL strongly dislikes/is scared of my cat, Saki.  As such, on one of the days I was gone at appointments with Aug for six hours she didn’t let him downstairs.  Due to this he pooped in my bedroom on the carpet :(  To my MIL’s credit, she thought he had a litterbox upstairs, but no.  That’s why I’m always letting him down and opening up the bathroom with the litterbox in it for him all the time.  Pay attention, woman. 

While we’re on the MIL rant, I’ll keep going with two more stories. 

I’ve put Erp to sleep every night of her life except for when I was at the hospital delivering Aug.  We have a bedtime routine that I look forward to every day and one that I find to be an intimate experience that only we share.  One night that I’m putting her down, I come out to find the kitchen and dining room still a mess with Kevin and his mom sitting on the couch (she has Aug in her arms so she gets a pass).  But I’m frustrated and start to clean.  At one point I look up to ask if MIL can turn on the monitor (that I know was turned off before I went in to start bedtime) and I see she’s looking at it watching Erp.  I ask her if that means she watched us while we were in there.  She replied that she had.  I reply, “Great.” Drop what I’m washing in the sink and run upstairs slamming the door shut behind me.  I go to pump and cool off.  I come downstairs 40 minutes later to tell her I overreacted but also that I felt she had invaded our privacy.  She tells me, through tears, that it reminded her of her time with Kevin when he was a baby.  I get it, but still.  Kevin said had he known she was watching he would have told her to stop since I made it VERY clear to him early on in Erp’s life that I don’t like being watched on the monitor when I’m in there with her.  I guess I should have told her about my preference in advance but I never thought I’d need to spell it out like that.  

For the last week she was here, she had Chicago Med on the TV constantly, at relatively loud volume.  Please note that we never ever ever have the TV on at our house unless we’re actively watching something, and if that happens it’s 99% of the time just me watching and I do it for an hour at night when everyone is asleep.  If we need background noise, music is playing.  She would just sit on the couch and watch her show talking about gunshots, premature birth, and whatever kind of medical drama while my kids are running around.  I’m sorry, but I thought you were here to connect with your grandkids?  So while she sat on the couch, I would engage and play with Erp for hours.  Cool cool cool.  

Please note that despite all this she’s a lovely woman and a great grandmother and mother and MIL.  I came into her visit already dreading more company, and I’m sure I’m still surging with hormones from the pregnancy (right? or am I just this way always now?).  All this to say that I was not begging her to stay and getting used to taking care of both kids on my own wasn’t that hard since I’d basically been doing it during her entire visit. 

Okay, let’s take a breather and talk about other things. 

Do you remember the 21st night of September? I DO because my 6 week old slept 12 straight hours! GLORIOUS. 

After finishing listening to Billy Summers (loved it!) I decided to undertake Stephen King’s hefty novel, The Stand.  I’d been scared to attempt it ever since I read 100 pages of it in 9th grade before deciding to pick it up again later.  I guess 23 years later did the trick because I’m thoroughly enjoying it!  I’ve learned that audiobooks are the only way I can get through any material lately.  It makes me want to go out on walks and take drives so I can listen to MoAr!  I’m already 10 hours into the 48 hour novel.  Although, I gotta say, it certainly feels strange to read about a deadly pandemic (written in 1978) during this current pandemic.  

After two months since I initially contacted the nearby school/daycare, I finally followed up to get Erp on a waitlist.  There are six kids ahead of her.   We took a tour on Friday and I want her to get in so so badly, hopefully before we move in June!  It would be such a great place for her to socialize and learn!

If any of the above isn’t telling, my hormones are all over the place. I know this because my face has decided to rage in all the redness and acne. So fun! 

Thanks to getting my house back, I’ve been able to establish a routine for us which includes going on stroller walks every day with the girls!  We’ve already made it over 37 miles this month!  Loving the outside time and knowing I’m working hard at my weight loss efforts.  

Despite being on maternity leave, this past Friday I was invited to participate in an EA (virtual) offsite with my team at work!  It was great to be able to see everyone again!  At the end we participated in a cooking class where they mailed me a box of all the ingredients to cook a NY Strip Steak and Corn Succotash! Deeeelicious! 

Given Erp’s increasing interest and ability at walking, I attempted a walk with her the other day, sans stroller!  I wore Aug in a wrap on my chest and held Erp’s hand as we walked around the neighborhood. We walked a good 1/4 of a mile!  Everything was fine until we made it back to our walkway and she refused to climb up the step to head back inside.  Like, laid flat on the ground refusal.  Since Aug was on me I couldn’t really just grab Erp and muscle her back inside.  She wouldn’t listen to any request of mine to go inside so we had a power struggle of what felt like 15 minutes but I’m sure was closer to 5.  She would try to crawl around my feet (into the bushes even to get around me), and any time I tried to lift her up she’d pull herself to the ground crying.  Eventually I tucked Aug’s flopping head into the fabric of the wrap so I could lean down and grab my tantruming child and carry her inside.  I want to be able to keep up with these excursions but not sure how to do so if she continues to rebel like this.  Like, if she did this farther from home we’d be up a creek.  Hopefully she’ll improve in time? 

OKAY! Hopefully we can now get back to our regularly scheduled blogging so a massive update like this won’t be necessary again :)  Thanks for taking time out of your day to catch up with me!

[theolsentimes]

Mary-Kate Olsen's Singular Style

She came to fame as a twin, but the actress's cultish look is entirely her own. Here, with Lauren Hutton, she pays homage to another fashion inspiration, Grey Gardens. Written by Laura Brown, with photography by Peter Lindbergh (Harper's Bazaar, 2007)

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Mary-Kate Olsen may be the only young actress who breezes into her local Starbucks wearing towering, fashion-fierce Balenciaga boots, who arrives at her latest premiere (in Mary-Kate's case, for the new season of Showtime's Weeds, in which she plays a devout Christian with a pot fetish) sporting an oversize cross, and whose favorite band is Led Zeppelin. She may, in fact, be the only young actress who knows who Led Zeppelin is. MK, as she is known to her friends and family, is also a punctual and professional sort. She arrives for a poolside tea in Los Angeles 10 minutes early, ordering a hot chocolate while explaining her fetish for all things sweet — "I'm a candy girl, like Tootsie Rolls and Swedish Fish" — and objecting when the waiter tries to take the sugar bowl away. She is wearing a nautical striped T-shirt (her mom's, from the '70s), tucked into two black Wolford slips rolled down and turned into a tight, Robert-Palmer-video-style mini, and multicolored sparkly Christian Louboutin stilettos. She's just had her hair colored, returning to a sunnier shade after some experiments with both peroxide ("I woke up one morning and was like, I want white-trash hair today") and the dark side (an auburn-haired near-Goth moment last year). She's carrying a large black fringed leather Prada tote — she doesn't do small bags — and her fingers are covered with rings, most notably two vintage coiled gold snakes stacked on top of each other. ("They remind me of twins, sort of double headed.") Altogether, the effect is less her famed "bag-lady chic" than an edgy, body-conscious, and, yes, sexy silhouette. If she weren't 21, she could be 40. And French.

Few people need reminding that Mary-Kate — with her twin sister, Ashley — literally crawled into celebrity aged nine months (courtesy of Full House) and has not been out of the spotlight ever since. She has been a celebrity for more than two decades. Perhaps that's one reason she seems as if she came out of the womb worldly, the textbook old soul. "Yeah," she says with a small shrug. "I get that a lot." With all of that attention and all of the money (her and Ashley's company, Dualstar, has famously become a "billion-dollar business"), Mary-Kate could easily have ended up the type who wears pink terry cloth and carries a variety of small dogs. "Could you imagine?" she says with the politest version of a snort. "No way." She credits her exceptionally close-knit family (she has five siblings) and, interestingly, early stardom with helping her keep her perspective. "I think it helped that I started in front of the camera, so it didn't come as a shock. If I was a teenager and was thrown into the spotlight, I don't know how I would react, to be honest." Though the tabloids are all too keen to brand her a skinny, nervous deer in the headlights, in person Mary-Kate is easy in her skin, confident and surprisingly tactile, curling up in her seat and touching you on the arm to make a point. She laments the generic style of most actresses and cites only men as style inspirations: "Heath Ledger, Johnny Depp. Men, they just dress the way they want, and they don't think about Who Wore It Best." She doesn't much care for Who Wore It Best, noting she avoids those pages by "wearing vintage so often. I just dress the way I feel instead of looking for what's the new handbag." If Mary-Kate and Ashley have their way, more people will be wearing clothes and carrying bags the way they do. They have just shown the fifth collection of their ready-to-wear line, the Row, and recently launched a contemporary label, Elizabeth and James, named after a sister and a brother. The Row's holiday collection (in stores next month) is a slick mix of skinny leather pants, razor-cut blazers, butter-soft, slouchy tees, and a destined-to-be-cultish pullover fur. Lauren Hutton, who stars in the Row's Spring '08 look book, says, "The clothes are extraordinary. A man I was with just loved them. The pieces are just so genius, soft like a baby's skin. Simple minimalist stuff, but really spectacular." Mary-Kate, designer, faces an interesting challenge. She has to marry Dualstar — which has made its fortune selling tween-tastic DVDs and pastel Mary-Kate and Ashley T-shirts at Wal-Mart — with her increasingly edgy and subversive taste. Dualstar executives, some of whom have worked with her since she was a child, often nag her, mom-style, about pulling her hair back "or wearing a color," she says with a laugh. "I had this event recently, and I was like, They're going to be so happy that I'm wearing ... purple. I actually have to think about those things, though, you know, so I don't get trashed." Get trashed sometimes she does. Hutton says, "Once in a while, she'll wear something and I'll think, Oh, baby doll, take another look. But to have the bravery, to take the chance to do that, is pretty wonderful. She is making her own way, which is hardly ever done in Hollywood." Of Mary-Kate's penchant for gigantic Balenciaga heels, Jenji Kohan, the creator of Weeds, says, laughing, "I'd be like, 'It's Tuesday. Do you really want to be wearing those shoes?' But she pulls it off." Designer Giambattista Valli, a friend, says, "She likes to take risks, but because she has such strong personal style, she always manages to make it work. Even if she had nothing on, she'd have style." And MK chic is spreading. "Sometimes I'll look at people or at a magazine and I'll do a double take because I'm like, Oh, my God, that's my outfit, but that's not me," Mary-Kate says. Playing with her wire-rimmed aviators, she jokes wryly that she should have bought shares in Ray-Ban. (She and Chloë Sevigny pretty much brought back white '80s Wayfarers.) She tends to fall in love with a look, then wear it until she's done. "If I put together a good outfit, I'll wear it for three days and then switch it up with a blazer," she says. "I still love my vintage jeans, my tights, and my pants, though." She didn't start wearing heels, in fact, until a couple of years ago: "I kept watching Ashley walk around in them so gracefully, and I'm such a klutz. But I ended up loving heels, and I don't usually take them off." She wears precisely one pair of flat shoes: Chanel's knee-high patent-leather gladiator sandals. This season, it's Balenciaga's fall collection — all of it — that has Mary-Kate obsessed. She is close to designer Nicolas Ghesquière and says, "He is so talented, but he's the nicest, most down-to-earth guy, and that makes everything he does more brilliant. I bought everything, but I haven't got anything yet," she says like a girl impatiently waiting for Christmas. Will she wear the new pieces with her infamous clodhopper boots? "Uh-huh. Wore them the other day, actually." Mary-Kate always goes with her gut, even if some people (back to those tabloids) don't quite get it. "The tabloids say things about me? What do they say?" she asks archly. "People are going to write what they want, and everyone's going to have their own idea of who I am. But I'm not trying to be friends with the people who are reading them, really." After a rough couple of years filled with near-forensic scrutiny of her weight, she'll have you know that she does eat. "This is not going to sound good," she laughs, "but I like making crispy tofu sticks with peanut sauce. I love my sashimi and my salmon and my vegetables." She observes, "Stress plays a big role in how I look day-to-day. I've always been very active — Pilates, yoga. I grew up horseback riding every day for hours. I love dancing. I usually last longer than anyone on the dance floor." A common image of Mary-Kate has her emerging from a coffee joint with an oversize cup. "I always get creamed for having my Starbucks cup," she says, sighing. "But the only time people get photos of me is when I'm getting coffee, when I can't sneak away from the camera." She also resents the pictorial implication that she and Ashley are dilettantes. "They take photos of us going into our offices, and it's 'Mary-Kate and Ashley shopping again.' But I'm going to work for eight hours, and we're working so hard. ..." She trails off. "It just shows how people want to think of you." Mary-Kate is not above celeb watching herself, however. Newly obsessed with Victoria Beckham, she notes she avidly watched Beckham's Coming to America documentary: "She's running around in a bikini and heels, and I'm like, Oh, my God! I do that, too!" How positively Grey Gardens. "I run around my house naked with heels all the time. It's so funny. All my friends will tell you I love running around in kimonos and jewelry or naked with jewelry." More people will be watching Mary-Kate soon, thanks to her role in the Emmy-nominated Weeds. "I am a very good Christian girl," she says with a wink. "She has her moral beliefs — and she happens to smoke pot." Of her newest cast member, Kohan adds, "Mary-Kate is complicated. She's a big celebrity, a huge media icon, but you have to separate the media images from someone who has the same issues, the same desires, as anyone else." Of course, Mary-Kate's image, in all its incarnations — from high fashion to small screen — is her strongest asset. And she has yet to settle on one. "I feel like I've lived 10 different lives already and I'm only 21," she says, almost as a reminder to herself. "But I also feel like I'm entering a new chapter." One thing on which she is clear, though: She doesn't need to be looked at all the time. What would she do for a day if she were invisible? "I would probably go to a restaurant with my friends, who would be able to see me, of course," she adds pragmatically, "and I would sit outside and enjoy a nice lunch with them. Then I would walk down the street." The old soul takes a sip of her little-girl-sweet hot chocolate. "That's what I would do."

[metalheddie]

Are You Lonesome Tonight?

summary: Reader and Spencer's relationship is on the rocks, but they manage to work it out.

tw: light swearing, arguments

word count: 2.3k

genre: angst/fluff

a/n: This is a songfic after "Are you Lonesome Tonight" by Elvis! This one is honestly one of my favorites to write :0 and don't worry, it's not super sad, just a little :)(Reader goes by she/they)

This has been going on for far too long now. Y/n couldn’t take it anymore. They felt alone in their own lovers’ arms, he was like a stranger, a ghost of the man they once knew. They loved him still, so much, but he was distant and he never talked to them about the things he was obviously stressed or drained from.

Y/n just wanted to help him but he never gave them a chance to, they’re actively being pushed away and it’s a pain that they never thought they would experience in this lifetime. So they decide to talk to Spencer about it.

“Spence…?” She calls from his bedroom doorway. He’s sitting on his bed cross-legged surrounded by piles of books, and his head in his hands.

The case he had just gotten back from was a difficult one, to put it mildly. Teens held hostage by another student, who was a lot like Spencer. Too smart for his own good and always overlooked by his peers. He couldn’t save them all and it was eating him up inside. He didn’t look up from the page he was dwelling on. Re-reading and trying to fit all the pieces together that he missed. You hated seeing him like this. Broken and isolating himself, throwing himself into his work where he would eventually drown.

You walk over to the bed and place your hand on his knee. He flinches back away from your touch. He’s never done that before and it breaks your heart. You retract your hand and sit on the ottoman next to the bed. You both sit in the uncomfortable silence for a little while before you say,

“Spence… I know you’re having a difficult time right now, but I really think we should go on a walk or something, just to clear your head-”

“No, y/n. I’m fine. I don’t need your help right now. Just leave me be.” He said with venom in his voice. He’s never talked to you like that before, and it hurts like hell.

“I- ok I will, but Spence at least let me get you some water or something, please just let me help-” you tried to reason with him.

“I said get out! I don’t need you here!” he shouted. That was the last straw for you.

“Fine! I’ll leave you here for the next week and a half dwelling on all the things that you could have done when you should be trying to recover from all this. All you do is push people away when you’re upset and you never think of the consequences or the people you hurt in the process.”

You lost your cool then. All the pain you’ve been feeling for the past couple of months spilling out like a dam bursting.

“The BAU’s Golden boy who could do no wrong, huh? Well, I think that’s bull. Don’t call me until you put your big boy pants on and want to talk about what’s going with you.”

Y/n could see his jaw clenching so hard his teeth might split, but at that moment they could care less. She was done being the subject of his emotional whiplash. With that, you left with tears streaming down your face and a heart so heavy you thought you would collapse from the weight of it.

~

It’s been a week and 4 days since y/n has talked to Spencer. There hasn’t been a call, text, email… nothing. She misses him of course, but she has to stand her ground. It’s so difficult not being able to pick his big beautiful brain for ideas for her songs. Y/n realized she depended on him more than she thought. She wants to pick up the phone and call him so badly, to tell him that she’s sorry and that she went too far, but pride is holding her in an iron grip and it’s almost suffocating.

All y/n has been doing is working on their covers and desperately trying to find inspiration for their next song. They haven’t had any luck so far, their mind is too preoccupied with how Spencer is holding up after what happened that night. To try and distract themselves from their own mind, they put on their favorite oldies playlist and lay on their floor.

The first few chords of their favorite song play and then,

Are you lonesome tonight

Do you miss me tonight?

y/n closes their eyes and lets a few tears slip past their lashes. Oh, how they miss their lover so…

~

Spencer hasn’t left his apartment all weekend. Wading in the guilt he felt over hurting the most important person in his life. He hadn’t meant to snap at them like that...or any of the other times it happened over the last few months. He’s pacing his apartment trying to distract himself from his own mind.

On Monday as he walks into the bullpen, he tries to keep his microexpressions in check so the team doesn’t try to profile what he’s going through. All he wants to do is get his paperwork done and go home. To do what? He’s not sure, especially because his partner won’t be there with him. Just thinking about it like that makes him tear up. He’s eventually able to pull himself together with a few deep breaths, but not without Derek catching on at the last minute.

Derek looks up from his paperwork right as Spencer hangs his head in an attempt to stop the tears from falling. Derek knows how private Spencer is when it comes to his love life, hell he’s only met his partner once the whole time they’ve been dating. He knows something’s wrong and he cares about the kid, so he walks up to him and says

“Hey, boy genius, what’s on your mind?”

Spencer turns to him, trying to keep it together. “Just thinking about this case….” He held up (what he thought to be) a random file.

“You sure about that, kid?” Derek said while reaching for said “file” which really turned out to be a loose page of his handheld calendar with a red heart around one of the days.

Derek only had to look at it for a moment to know exactly what was wrong. He was having relationship problems and suddenly he was floundering. Derek knew that feeling all too well, knowing that the job had put such a strain on his past relationships.

Spencer whips around and stares at the page, tears welling in his eyes that threaten to spill. He grabs at it and takes it back without a word. He’s embarrassed and upset and this day isn’t going as smoothly as he’d wished. Derek pulls up a chair and clears his throat to get his attention. Spencer turns to him with a look he can’t quite read. He says,

“Look, kid… I know relationships can be tough, especially in this line of work, but we have to push through the bad stuff to get to the good parts that we’ll remember forever.

Spencer sat in silence, contemplating his words.

“Do you love her?” he asks, even though he already knows the answer.

“Yes… A thousand times yes. When days and cases get really bad, she’s the only thing that keeps me going…” tears glistening in his hazel eyes.

Derek nods and leans forward. “Go to the place you think she might be��� you mentioned she sings at that jazz club uptown right?”

Spencer nods, knowing where he’s going with this.

“Ok, so tonight you’ll go and see if she’s there.” Giving Spencer a small smile and pats him on the back.

He leaves for his desk and leaves Spencer alone with his thoughts once more. He would do anything to see his lover again...

---

That night Spencer found himself at the Black Rabbit Jazz Club, all by his lonesome. Sitting at the bar waiting for open mic night to start. He was replaying their fight over and over again in his mind when he heard the first chords of Y/n’s favorite Elvis song flow through the speakers. Then he heard it… The voice he’d come to know and love, filled with honey and gold.

Are you lonesome tonight?

Do you miss me tonight?

Are you sorry we drifted apart?

He turns in his chair to see Y/n, in a sleek black cocktail dress with fishnets and 40’s style heels. She’s always had an affinity to dress to the club’s feel. Her hair is situated to frame her face beautifully and the spotlight she’s given makes her look like an angel, his angel.

Does your memory stray to a brighter sunny day

When I kissed you and called you sweetheart?

They’re scanning the crowd to find a spot, or someone, to focus on to pour their heart into. Suddenly a familiar face appears to them in the crowd.

Spencer

It takes everything in them not to jump off the stage and run to him. Instead, she chooses to pour her heart out to him the only way that would seem to fit, through song.

Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare?

Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there?

Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again?

Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight?

At this point, Spencer is in awe of his partner. Holding eye contact with her as she sings, knowing how much emotion is behind those words. He’s shed a few tears at this point, but she’s not finished.

She steps off the stage with the mic and walks through the tables and chairs in the audience gracefully. She says,

“I wonder if you're lonesome tonight, Fate had me playing in love with you as my sweetheart. Act one was when we met. I loved you at first glance,”

She was looking right at him now, baring her soul to him while he stared in awe into hers.

“You rambled your facts so cleverly and never missed a clue. Then came act two. Honey, you lied when you said you loved me, and I had no cause to doubt you. I'd rather go on hearing your lies, Than go on living without you.”

At this moment Y/n had let go just enough to let a single tear fall past her lashes, creating a faint trail of mascara with it. Though it was getting tough to hold it together, the show must go on.

“Now the stage is bare and I'm standing there, with emptiness all around, and if you won't come back to me then make them bring the curtain down.”

Spencer dropped his head to hide the tears falling from his eyes then. Seeing them so emotionally exposed in front of him like this was rare. Especially after putting up with so much.

By then Y/n had made their way back onto the middle of the stage and sang the ending lines of the song while staring at their lover.

Is your heart filled with pain, shall I come back again?

Tell me dear, are you lonesome tonight…

She reached out to him as she sang, and as the ending chords played she placed her hand on her heart.

After the song ended there was roaring applause, for the performance and the show she put on as well. She thanked the audience and exited the stage. She made her way out the door and Spencer followed. He rushed after her so fast he barely missed her leaning on the brick exterior. She looked up at him, slightly startled. They gazed at each other, wondering who would make the first move. After about 2 minutes y/n reached for his hand, hoping he wouldn’t pull away.

He meets her halfway and they start on the walk home. It’s wordless, but there’s no negative energy, no tension to be felt. As they arrived at Spencer's apartment door he went to unlock it and y/n wrapped their hands around his waist and leaned their head on his spine. A subtle gesture to let him know that they loved him. After going inside and sitting on the couch together, Spencer finally speaks.

“I’m so sorry. For everything. I’m sorry for not being there when you need me, I’m sorry for putting my own insecurities and self-doubts before your feelings, and most of all I’m sorry for being selfish, y/n. You deserve so much more than being cast aside. I love you so much.”

y/n’s bottom lip quivered as she tried to hold herself together so she could speak too. She took a deep breath to calm herself and said

“I’m sorry too. I should have never said those things about you and your job. God, you're wonderful at what you do and I should have never used it against you like that. I was being stupid and I wasn’t thinking. Can you forgive me, even after all of that…?”

He took y/n’s hand and kissed the back of it, he pulled her in close for a tight hug and cuddled into her. She quietly cried into his shoulder as he whispered sweet affirmations in her ear to help her calm down. After a while, her breathing evened out and her sniffling stopped. She moved to be face to face with him and gently placed her hands on the side of his face and pulled him into the sweetest kiss he could have ever imagined. If she claimed her lips were made of honey, he wouldn't doubt her for a second. After a beat or 2, they pulled away and decided to order in and watch Doctor Who, and all was well.

Fin~