#and it’s scaring me that i don’t knwo

[alaskan-wallflower]

i’m sorry if i don’t post on here for a bit. i’ll try to have content. but i’m physically shaking and i feel sick to my tomcah right now

[freckledgeto]

i shouldve studied something else i should’ve done stem

[voulezloux]

.

[thefandom-casserole]

Episode 52 Notes-

I say this everytime but god I’m so scared rn

I saw spoilers on discord 😭 

My headphones are still broken this sounds so weird

WTF

WHAT IS THIS INTRO

OMG

OMG

ITS HEROOOOOOOOOOOOOO

AYYYYYYYY

I LOVE HER SO MUCH

I love how it’s Taylor singing about Hero instead of Normal her literal brother 😭 

Taylor Fact: Taylor’s personal heaven would be hot soup not spaghetti

Just Italy and Asia have separate personal heavens 

He hasn’t had his coffee 

Linc Fact: Linc’s favorite dessert is applesauce 

Honestly same though. But only homemade 

Pork and applesauce is so good

Normal Fact: Normal still has four baby teeth in his mouth 

Scary Fact: One time Scary’s mom threatened to take her to a chiropractor for an attitude adjustment and now Scary has neck pain 

Anthony Fact: THIS MIGHT BE THE LAST EPSIODE

I know this one isn’t

But still

Oh god

THE TWIZZLERS OMG

AVHAHAHAHAHAHAGE

Mercedes can’t kill him fuckkkkkkk

Taylors character arc 😭 omg

Hermie Scampler omg I feel like that hit more than just Dood

Oh no Willy left 

Normal Style

What was that voice from Beth 😭 😭 

Spanish speaking Normal!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Autistic Linc strikes again

I love Linc so much omg

LINC DID THE SOCCER THING

WHERE HE FAKES

JMAGAHAHHAHA

SPORTS HUMOR

Hero!!!!!!-):$&:&/$:

God I love hero

ARE YOU MOCKING ME WILL?

I said that to my friend Wil today actually

HEROOOOO

My favorite bit is Taylor and Hero omg

LET HIM PASS PLEASE PELAEE

A NAT ONE 

OMG

THATS FANATASTIC

HE BROKE THE SWORD

NOOOOOOOOO

The dnd experience of not being able to open a door

Hero and Normal love each a hahsjsnansndjd

Persuasion YES

SCARY

SHES NKT MISERABLE ANYMORE

“With the power of love and friendship we’ll save the world!” << Normal’s 24 persuasion roll

Nat one for Dood :cccccccc

DOOD WORSHIPS THEM

OMG ITS SO SWEET

ITS WHOLE SPEECH WAS SO GOOD

“It’s like what my dad says. When life gives you apples, you’ve gotta make applesauce”

It’s actually crazy how much I love applesauce. Especially with cinnamon. Yummmmmmmmm

GROUO HUY

Wait just found a post about kfc im intrigued wtf

Back to the topic at hand oop

WAIT WAIT WHAT

A DIMENSIOM KF

Chaos and darkness, confusion and love, fear and anger

:ccccc soemthing something that correlates to the teens and of course that’s where they go. of course. 

“I know you can do this. I think you all are gonna be alright”

THIS JS MY THIRTEENTH REASON OMG OMG OMG

THIS IS MY WHITE WHALE

JESUS CHRIST

OMG OMG

THEY DUD THE THING

SAVE ME S1 SONG REFERENCES IN S2 SAVE ME

And a fucking ad ong omg

Ayyyy Willy can’t travel through realms now that’s good that’s good

“LINC what do you mean we don’t need you”

And that ladies and gentlemen is Scary, 52 episodes in. Beth May you’re a fucking genius. HER ARC WAS SO AHAHAHAHABAHBAJAHABZBBB

I’m unwell

Linc I love him so much omg. 

His soccer special interest makes me so happy. 

Linc is me fr I love him so much 😭 

TWO TIME TRAVEKING LESBIANSNSNAHAHANSJAHA

I SCREAMED 

I SCREAMED

AHHANSNABABAHS

JANE AND LIZZY

I love them so much :>>>>>>>

Immortal combat I loved that

Linc always carries a ball pump Jesus

Linc also hasn’t lost his baby teeth

NORMLINC I DONT KNWO THEIR SHIP NAME

Dolphin diver Linc

Darryl learned a lot!!!!!!! I love Darryl ong

PAEDEN

OAEDEN MABAGAHAHAGAG HAS SVGEGSFSHAHSHHAHAHHSHSHHSHAGSHAHAHSHGAGWGEHSHSHSBSHSHBSBSHSHAHAGSHAAHSHSHHSHSJSJSJSJSJJSJSBDHSJSJAHDHSAHSJSJSSVSHJSVAVSVSVVSAVV

PARDNE IN AGAHSHBSBS SBAHGABSHHSSSGHAHAHEGWWGGS

HES IN s2

I can’t breath

HAHAHAAGGSVSGVSVSVVSV

HAHAHAGSGSGGSGSGSGEGGWGWGGWGWGWGGWGGWGW

JM LOSOIMF IT

For how little that was

I replayed it so many times

Go teens!!!!!!!!!!

BETH

LINC vs Freddie’s dad who’d win

IS CHUG GONNA BE LJKE DOUG

HOLY SHIT

CHUG THE ACCIUNTANT

DOUG THE INTERNE

What a dumb name WILL

My Wil (you know who you are scuttles) if you see this know I’m looking at you. Defense is going down. Way to win rock paper scissors loser /aff

Willy Wonka and the Unknownnnnn

They

They forgot about Hermie

Again

Omg

I’m gonna lose it

They brought Hermie back

And forgot about him

This is fucking hilarious 

They forgot about Hermie 

Ayyy Hermie is back again

Jesus

Hermie can’t pretend to be water Jesus 

Hot glue normal strikes again!!!

Teeny!!!!!!!!!!!

Taylor and Normal arts and crafts duo!!!!!!!!!

Chuggs talks like me in real life actually

Gee whilikers 

Chugs the real life warrior

ROGUE IS SCARY’S FAMILIAR

FALCOR THE DOGGAGGAGABABABABABBABABAHSBAHAHAHAGAHA

Scary’s kinda scared of dogs!!! Just like me fr!!!

Swiftli crumbsbsbbabahahahahs

“Little less attitude”

Hermie!!!!!!

Hermie as Taylorrrrrrrrrrr

THEYRE COUSINS

ISH

NORMAL

NORMAL

SCARY’S BIO DAD SHIT MAN

FAIRYTALE

OMG

Jesus Christ

Taylor is gonna go insane if Willy kills Cassandra

HE WILL LOSE HIS MIND IF WILLY KILLS CASSANDRA

WILLY LLEASE KILL CASSANDRA

RABECCA

OG MY GOD

Finale next episode

I’m gonna sob

[mental-health-advice]

Hey there… i really don’t knwo who to ask advice at this point so i hope you could give me one…

I’m in my senior high soon to be college, my mom is just really strict.

I’m not allowed to watch anime, read webtoon, read wattpad, have social media like insta, tik tok and twitter basically any social media you can think of. I’m also not allowed to go out with friends without my family tailing me behind. My own phone I controlled. I’m not even allowed to play youtube sometimes.

So as you might probably already realize i do stuff secretly without mom. But i am always in anxiety 24/7 and overthinking stuff. I get scared easily. I feel like everyone is watching me.

Friends online told me to argue with mom about the situation but I’m scared mom would take everything away from me. I’m not allowed to have opinions. I can’t even decide what outfit i want to buy because mom would choose for me. Mom doesn’t think the career I want is good and force me to all these courses. People say I’m ungrateful for the love and care. I am just confused at this point

Is there any advice you could give me

Hey there,

It must be really hard and frustrating to have little to no control over what you are able to do/ what you do want to do in your daily life. Sometimes, unfortunately, some parents can be really strict and although you can always go behind your Mum’s back and do more of what you would like to do, it sounds like this constantly puts you on edge and makes you feel really anxious in fear your Mum may find out.

You mentioned that you’re not allowed to have opinions in life or have an ability to choose what it is in life you really want to do, so I am thinking that instead of ‘arguing’ with your Mum over this stuff, would it be worth trying to have a conversation with her about it instead? This may be more helpful as often when we argue with another the other person can get quite defensive or make you feel worse/ it make the situation worse, but if you spoke to her about it and allow her to have a conversation about it then it may get you further. So how may you possibly bring this up?

Well, you could, when you Mum is in a good or reasonable mood ask for her to sit down and ask if you could talk to her about something. Ask her why she feels it’s not OK for you to do such things as you described in your Ask and if you two could make a compromise at all, something to allow you to feel a bit freer in life and do the things you would like to do within reason. This may not enable you to have the same freedoms as your friends may have, but it may help your Mum to see that by wrapping you in cotton wool or not allowing you to do things most people your age are able to do, then it won’t give you the life experience that will help you to live when you get older and no longer have the protection from your Mum (when she is no longer able to stop you from doing certain things/ doesn’t have that control over you.) Is this something that you may feel able to do?

It may also be important to note that perhaps your Mum may feel like if she lets you to do things in life that you would like to do, then your grades at school may suffer. So in saying this, could you add to the compromise with your Mum that if your grades stay the same or slightly improve then the more freedom you should be able to have? Just another thing to perhaps to have a think about in trying to see things from her point of view/ knowing why she is possibly so strict with you.

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren

[nosolaceofastraightanswer]

tuamre LAGAMTIONS post (yes i knwo i misspelled it im sorry im too tired for this rn) s3e5

stanley :D also i don’t quite remember what happens to harlan but i Know it’s not good and i’m scared. don’t spoil tho i want to have a good cry when i’m ready :((

this ep was pretty good!! the guy in a carpet gag makes me lose my shit every time. stanley bonding with diego was srsly so cute imgonna die actually. i am so ready for a rant when you know what happens though but i’m holding off cus my son is still here :)))

will admit, klaus’s death was really weird and treated very strangely by the narrative. feels very ooc for everyone involved except stanley cus he’s 12 and Freaking The Fuck Out

allison’s shit is well written and interesting!!! the alluther noncon was uncomfy and i really don’t think it was in character for her imo, but i can see the other side of it too so idk!!

lila again :))) i do wish she got to like. talk to other people besides five most of the time idk. she barely talked to diego as well.

viktor with sass = unstoppable “little britain” i’m crying

yuh that’s it. i’m working on some art stuff with one of those color palette challenges so maybe post that soon?? idk. have a wonderful day/night :DDD

[mermaid-butterfly]

being there

nobody is really there

some people have been there

but they don’t really ever stay

it’s fine i guess

there are different types of being there

there’s one type that scares me a lot

it’s the type of being there that will hurt if gone

the one i’ll get used to and love a lot

the one that at times will make me feel guilty

bc i adore

once again telling you stuff like a little kid

dying to tell you everything and knwo what you think

loving how you hesr me

just wanting to tell you everything

it’s scary to me

that i want to tell you everything

im scared of replaying the abandoned little girl again

[loplainlointhemorning]

I had nightmares about my mom shooting me in the head bc I asked her to have my wisdom teeth taken out and my dad didn’t stop her and just mildly complained and then she killed the kids and I went too far and mentioned it to her and she laughed but it’s so close to the truth. i called her abt a dental abscess I had in January on my back tooth, really painful and it burst pretty much within a day like a pimple, and I was so scared and shaking bc everything I googled told me to go to the dr and I called her and she was mean to me abt it and I knew above myself that it was bc she was scared too but I hated having to knwo that bc I was shaking so bad I could barely make the solution to clean the wound out. and I just wandered around knocking things over and shaking bc I’m really scared of doctors and surgery. and she was just mean and nasty but txted me immediately the next day to see if I was feverish or any worse (was not thankfully) and it’s like. i have this part of my brain now that mothers my parents the way it excuses the kids, bc they don’t know better and are communicating as best they can. i don’t want to do that

[squidcane]

I just dont knwo i feel like crying realky hard but at the same time I’m just so scared to do anything right now. I’m just thinking about all of the possible scenarios that could happen to me in the future and it scares me a ton :( I don’t want to experience things I know that will eventually happen it’s all to scary for me

[kickingastral]

indomitableblackdragon​:

@kickingastral | liked for a starter

“You know if they didn’t take my cannons I would’ve totally shot them off when we passed into this year! Not to try and scare anyone, just because it would probably be funny.”

And partially for a fire test. After what felt like a month there was sure to be some kind of rust with aiming and shooting them off.

“Shit right forgot to mention. Name’s New Jersey! You looked like the only person sitting around here. All the new year drunks are out and about I suppose.”

Or the bar she was sitting at was just not that popular. Who really knew or cared in the grand scheme of things?

🍻

“Cannons? Oh! Are you a soldier little lady? Hmm...Having cannons could be fun..” 

No you don’t need cannons. 

“I could totally rock cannons. Anyways I don’t think cannons would be a smart idea to shoot off like this. Yes it’ll be amazing when you launch them but you know there's this science called trajectory and there’s this thing called curvature and you knwo that saying what goes up? Well must come- ” 

Followed by a whistle as you mimic the ballistics falling back onto earth. 

“Could ruin at least one person’s day yunno?” 

You add with a head shrug. Formally turning your stool to face her. 

“Pleasure to meet you Uh New Jersey was it? Howl von Vale. Forgive me for askin’ but Is New your first name or is that like a junior thing and you have a parent named Old Jersey? Hmm I could go by Old Howl in my old age. That could just might work. Hahahaha! But it looks like you’re right I am sitting here by myself. Huh didn’t notice.”

@kickingastral | liked for a starter

"You know if they didn't take my cannons I would've totally shot them off when we passed into this year! Not to try and scare anyone, just because it would probably be funny."

And partially for a fire test. After what felt like a month there was sure to be some kind of rust with aiming and shooting them off.

"Shit right forgot to mention. Name's New Jersey! You looked like the only person sitting around here. All the new year drunks are out and about I suppose."

Or the bar she was sitting at was just not that popular. Who really knew or cared in the grand scheme of things?

[shiftereris]

Another PJO Headcanon: Estelle Blofis edition

At somepoint, she had an imaginary friend.

Annabeth got a bit curious and asked what this friend looked like. “blonde hair, blue eyes. One of his eyes is a bit lighter than the other because of a scar over it”

Now this sort of concerned Annabeth, mainly because the describtion reminded her of an old friend. So she did what any rational, concerned demigod would do: go to the only other person who knows the same person as what was described to them sound like the person they know.

Percy was baking cookies when Annabeth and Estelle walked in, “Hey!”   “Estelle, can you tell Percy what you told me about your imaginary friend?”

After the exact same definition about Estelle’s friend, Percy is a little bit scared. “Hey, Stella, what’s your friends name?”  “Luke. I don’t knwo his last name though.”

After a few hours, Estelle came rushing into the room again telling Percy and Annabeth that her friend’s last name was Castellan.   Percy went down into the Underworld to have a ‘chat’ with his old mentor. Annabeth also sprayed a few surfaces of the apartment with holy water (with Sally and Paul’s permission, of course)

[moonlit-imagines]

Okay so basically I’m struggling to figure out what I am. I’ve always known I was a girl, and I think I still am, (then again I’m scared I say that bc my parents won’t accept me otherwise), but pronouns have been bugging me for a while.

I’ve gone with she/her forever, but something about your writing using they/them makes me happy. In a way that I’ve literally never felt before. Like I feel complete when it’s not she/her.

If I told my Slavic parents they’d literally disown me, the same way that they almost did when I told them I was bi.

Idk maybe I’m overthinking but yeah ;-;

- 💃🏻

well, i’m no expert on gender and finding your true identity, but i know plenty of people who are comfortable with both she/her and they/them pronouns! some identify with she/they or they/she depending on which they prefer and experimenting with pronouns is always an option!! here’s a link to the description of a demigirl, maybe you’ll resonate with it?

also, don’t come out to your parents before you’re ready to! especially if you think it’s unsafe and you don’t have anyone/where to go to if the worst case scenario presents itself. i know it’s hard not being able to live as your true self, but sometimes it’s better to prioritize your safety.

and if anyone has anything to add or could correct me on anything, you’re welcome to do so because sometimes i just dont knwo what im talking about.

[doingitforbokuto]

hello! maybe u will like this idea lol soo YUNGBLUD dropped an album a few days ago and I was listening to one of his new songs and when I was listening to the chorus of “love song” I was like damn I would love to read something with oikawa related to those lines... soo if you are out of ideas and you wanna write something you.. :)) ofc no pressure, if you don’t like this idea that’s fine!! Have a great day/evening/night and marry Christmas!! Love u

I am so sorry, this ask has been in my inbox for so long! I promise I did not forget about it, it just took me a little longer. I hope that you‘ll still like this!

Love Song

-> OIKAWA TOORU X READER

Summary: “nobody taught me how to love myself

so how could I love somebody else?

I‘m so new to this

I swear I‘m trying my best“

words: 1,226

warnings: angst, self doubt/loathing (I did not proof read this! beware of spelling mistakes!)

Oikawa would be lying if he said that he had no one in his life who loved him. There were plenty of people who did: his family, Iwaizumi, his friends, his fans. There were people who loved him but no one made him feel loved.

And maybe that as his fault. Maybe it was because he never opened up to anyone. Nobody could love all of him if he did not show them all of him. He was not even sure why he always felt the need to hide. Ws it because of his own perfectionism? Was it because other people wanted him to be perfect? All that he knew was that he looked into the mirror, at his calloused hands, at his broken knee and all that he saw were his failures, his flaws.

His mother was a loving woman. A supportive woman. When Oikawa got into volleyball she was always encouraging him, proud of his achievements and looking foward to the ones still to come. When he started staying late and training more, she was happy that he had found a passion and friends to share it with. She just wanted him to be happy. Deep down, Oikawa knew that. Still, it felt like he had to do better, get better, like that was what she expecte of him.

Motivated not only by his own ambition anymore he started trying to reach perfection. He was always so focused on getting better that no one taught him hwo to handle failure in any other way but by working on yourself until you can barely stand. He did not knwo how to handle his own flaws. He felt so repelled by them he did his best to hide them - to him, taht meant working and working.

The only person who saw his flaws openly was Iwaizumi. Oikawa‘s best friend tried to help him whenever he could but truth be told, they both felt the same deep down and Oikawa knew that. Oikawa saw Iwaizumi crying after lost matches, he saw him push himself more and more. At times, he felt like the only difference between the tw of them was that Iwaizumi knew when to stop. Whenever Oikawa didn’t, he was there for him to make sure he was not overworking himelf (again). Still, they were both kids, both hurt by the same things. Neither of them knew how to hadle their defeats and their feelings, lost when thinking about how to help the other becaue they didn’t know how to help themselves.

When Oikawa met you, he felt even more out of control than he did after every lost match. It was weird and it was horrible. He felt so happy around you and he hated it because he did not know what to do. He was scared. Around you he couldn’t hold back, he couldn’t hold in any of his secrets, you brought out every side of him. You weren’t one of his fangirls, you really cared about him and his flashy volleyball skills. You wer enot someone who entertained him, someone who made him smile and nothing more. You actually made him happy. You made him care about you - but he had no idea how to do that.

He could not treat you like his friends because you were already so much more and he could not treat you like a fangirl because you were both genuine and serious about your affection. How do you act around a person like that? Why were you even interested in him? What was it that you liked about him? It wasn’t like he even wanted you to like him. All that he wanted was for you to not give other guys the same smile that you gave him and to not be too friendly to them and to not accept gifts or favors from them and to not be interested in them in a romantic or sexual way.

He did not want anyone to recieve this affection from you but when he himslelf recieved it, it was too much. It was something he could not handle. People just weren’t this affectionate with him, people did not just accept all of him. Why would they? There were so many things about him that were bad, so many things to criticize and improve. Everyone wanted him to improve. His parents, his friends, his teammates, he himself. Everyone but you. Not once did you tell him that he had to get better at something. You were accepting every part of him that you could see.

Everything about that felt wrong. Oikawa knew that there had to be something about him that he had to change, something that made him bad. How could you not see that? It made him almost angry how blind you were. Sometimes he couldn’t even look at you and your soft eyes, your loving smile. He wanted to push you away.

And he tried. One afternoon, he stayed even longer at the gym than usual. He didn’t notice you coming in and didn’t even bother asking why you were there, he just wanted you to go away to not see him like this.

“You shouldn‘t be doing this,“ you scolded him, picking up a volleyball that he had tossed aside. “It‘s not good for you.“

“I need to keep doing this!“ Oikawa had a hard time keeping his voice down.

“Why would you say that?“ Yours was calm but worried.

“Because I‘m not good enough!“ What did you not understand? “I have to get better. We lose so often and it’s my fault. How can you not see that! I have to get better!“

“Just because you‘re not perfect does not mean that you‘re not good enough.“ You were getting a little riled up, too. He sounded ridiculous.

“How would you know? You‘re always so naive, you only ever see the good sides, don’t you? God, sometimes you’re so stup-“

“Because I love you!“ The tears filling up your eyes were threatening to spill over. “And you’re too focused on your own flaws to even notice..“

Oikawa was frozen in place. Love him? You.. loved him? Before he even knew it, tears started filling up his eyes too. He hated seeing yu sad even more than he did losing a match.

You were right. The only thing he ever thought about was what he needed to do better. Not once had he paused to think about your feelings or - more importantly - his own. He did not think that maybe he craved the way ypu cared for him, that maybe he got so defensive because he didn’t know hwo to handle a love like that.

Slowly, carefully, he walked towards you, engulfing you in a hug. There was no way that what he was feeling right now was not love.

“I‘m so sorry. I - you‘re right,“ he mumbled, a hand brushing over your back soothingly. “I’m just.. not used to getting this close to someone. And letting someone get this close.“

He had no idea how he was supposed to be less of a perfectionist, how to be a better boyfriend, how to be less moody but as he felt your arms tighten around him he knew that he would try and figure it out - for you.

[unsettledink]

Gotcha chapter 3 is up!

Quentin: You know, I meant it.

Peter: What? Sorry?

Peter: I’m confused.

Quentin: When I said not to be scared of using my number.

Quentin: And yet, you haven’t used it.

Peter: I just didnt want to bother you?

Quentin could scream. He won’t, but god, he wants to. Where is he supposed to start if Peter thinks even speaking makes him a burden?

No. No, he knows how to use this. Peter picked up so easily on those suggestions that Quentin needed something, and that, Quentin can work with.

Quentin: It wouldn’t be bothering me.

Quentin: Not like my phone’s exactly rining off the hook.

Peter: ...I didnt really think of that.

Peter: Uh, I just dont have stuff to. I mean. I don’t knwo what to talk about?

Peter: *know

Quentin: Sorry kid, you don’t have to.

Quentin: I’m the one being the bother, right? You can just tell me to fuck off.

Peter: No! You’re not! I’m not going to do that!

Peter: I did mean it, I would like to have you around and talk and stuff!

Keep reading on AO3

[glassartpeasants]

Crying In The Club .7

Yandere!Overhaul x F!Reader

*Part 1* *Part 2* *Part 3* *Part 4* *Part 5* *Part 6* *Part 7*

Warnings: Death, gore, yandere overhaul, kidnapping

A/N: Ah skeet skeet motherfuckers were back again. Here’s some more food for ya’ll. Enjoy. Sorry that its short again. I PROMISE PROMISE THAT TOMORROWS WILL BE LONGER

Taglist

@hello-lucky-luka @winchester-wifey

~~~

“Is the room ready Chrono?” Kai asked as he walked down the corridor. The sound of his shoes hitting the tile floor, making his footsteps wing through the entire compound.

“Yes Overhaul, the room’s all ready.” Chrono answered as he walked behind Kai. He was a little skeptical about the whole ordeal but would much rather have you then the one that Kai has now.

“Good.” Kai smiled under his mask. Your room was ready for you to come back and stay there. You were coming back to him and away from that scum. You would be much safer here where your pure body would not be tainted by the outside world anymore.

Kai had stopped right in front of the door of your soon to be new room. It had everything except things to contact anyone of course. You had the most expensive clothes and jewelry. Your bed was highly recommended, a desk and everything you could ever ask for. You would never need to leave your room.

“Kai my boy whats this?” Kai jumped at the sound of Pops coming near him. He quickly tired to figure out a lie that pops would believe. He didn’t want to seem suspicious and accidentally spill his plan.

“Him and (Y/N) are getting back together.” Chrono said quickly, covering for Kai.

‘Thank you Chrono.’ Kai sighed internally. 

“Thats great news! To be honest I liked her more then (R/N).” Pops laughed as he patted Kai on the shoulder. 

‘Good to know he likes her, since she’ll be staying with us for quite some time.’

“Well come get me when you bring her here again!”

“Will do.’

~~~

‘Okay so It’s his birthday today, what should I get him?’ You look through out the entire mall. Going in and out of stores. Nothing looking up to your standards. You want to get him something that he’ll cherish forever. Not something he’ll have for a few months then throw away like a video game.

Looking around trying to pinpoint the right store for your ever so loving boyfriend you get this sick feeling as if someones watching you. Goosebumps litter you skin as the feeling got stronger the longer you looked in front of you. You move your feet faster as you drag yourself to the food court.

As you take a seat on the cold leather booth near the back exit, you get the feeling again, just stronger. Sitting by the back exit will do you some good since you can run if you need to. Before you thought of what could give you this uneasy feeling a cold hand placed itself on your shoulder. You slowly snake your eyes towards the hand that adorned your shoulder before you felt your whole world shatter around you.

“K-Kai? What are you doing here” You say as you feel his gloved hand caress your skin gently. The feeling was anything less then welcoming.

“I’ve decided to take back whats rightfully mine. I can’t believe you would find some rat so soon.” If it weren’t for his mask you would have definitely felt his breath on your neck. Even if you couldn’t feel his breath, the warmth of his body surrounded around you. But instead of comforting you, it made your boy fill ice cold.

“I’m not yours...you let me go remember?” Your whole body shook as he motioned for you to stand up.. You obliged in fear of what he would do to you. No matter what kind of voice he talked to you in, you always got a horrific memory of what event happened when he used said voice.

“See still a good girl as always. Now come on, we’ve got to go back to the base. Everyone is waiting for your return.”

“But...what about-”

“Dead. I never want to hear you talk about him ever again understand? Don’t even mutter his name.” He gave your shoulder a squeeze. Making you let out a yelp of pain. Considering that it was the shoulder where he carved his initials into you, the pain was more severe that it would have been originally if it weren’t there at all. But since it was, it made a pain shoot up all the way into your shoulder and down your arm.

“Yes Kai, I understand.” Your voice more of a whisper as he lead you out of the mall and into the familiar black car. The car that once excited you now gave you a feeling of dread and fear.

You sit on the leather seats as you look away from the monster besides you. You curled your toes in your shoes as your fingernails dug into the leather seats. Your body shaking in fear. The warm air brushing against your the skin of your cheeks.

“Don’t look so scared my angel. Your going to be more safe with me then you ever where with that rat. I don’t need your replacement anymore now. THank god, she was annoying anyway.” You were going to scoot away from hiim only to have his arm wrap around your waist and pull you closer to him. He lifted you up and sat you on his lap. His strong arms showing no signs of releasing you.

“Your gonna love your new room angel.”

~~~

You step out of the car and your shoes hitting the ground. You felt yous legs turn into jelly. Fear making you so weak. YOu tried showing that you weren’t afraid that you were here on your own choice. But you were utterly terrified. Everything you’ve been through flashed before your eyes.

Your hands felt like they were holding satans. The latex of his gloves in between your fingers gave you a sickening feeling. The latex of his gloves made your skin prickle.

“Look happy angel. Pops will be home soon. Can’t have him seeing you scared face. Plus being scared isn’t a good look on you. I love your smile so much more.” You nodded as you try to put on a more convincing happy face as you walked towards the door.

It opens with a soft squeak and everyone looks at you, causing you to squirm and tense up. Kai growled as he gave everyone a glare that could kill and everyone immediately went back to work. 

You felt his strong hand pull you down the corridor. His thumb rubbing your knuckles. You wanted to vomit. Why did he think that you would so willing come back to him? You were just terrified of what he could do to you if you didn’t. You didn’t know what kind of drug he was on. Before you got even more lost in your thoughts a familiar voice rang through your ears and it hits you all at once.

“Kai lets go to the mall! I want new diamond earrings-why the hell is that wench doing here?” It was her. There was no fucking way. Out of everyone in Japan it had to be that bitch. That same bitch who posted pictures of your crying face all throughout the bar you use to work at. He really got her as your replacement. It kinda pissed you off in an unexplained way.

“Be careful of what you say (ex co-workers name), this is my angel and I will no longer be needing your services. Get out.” The last bit of Kai’s words sent a shiver down your spine. You hated when he used that threatening voice. You felt extremely uncomfortable when the girl looked your way. Her piercing eyes staring right through your soul. Making you feel so small.

“No longer be needing my services?! Well it would be a shame if someone were to tell Pops all about your little secret-” Her voice forever was silenced as her body turned into only a blood splat on the wall.

Her once alive body was now covering the walls, nothing but a big splatter of blood as it dripped down the walls. Her blood covered your face and some of your clothes. You felt her blood seep through your clothes and cover your face. You were speechless. You just witnessed Kai kill her. It’s not like you didn’t knwo he was a dangerous man but that didn’t mean him killing her in front of you wasn’t traumatizing. You would never get the image of her body turning into a puddle of blood.

“Disgusting. Finally she’s gone.” Kai grunted as he let go of your hand as he violently scratched at his skin. Trying to get her blood off his skin and clothes. Hives decorating his skin. He groaned before looking at you seeing you shake as you looked at your hands. Which were covered in her blood. Her blood covering a majority of your body.

“Don’t be scared my precious angel. I promise I will never do it to you again. I can’t even imagine seeing you in such a state in my own eyes again.” He grabbed your shoulder and brought you to his chest which was also covered in her blood. Smearing all over your face.

‘Please just let me go damnit. I was so close.’ Tears pour out of your eyes as they stream down your face when you felt his gloved hand pet his hair.

[traumatizeddfox]

i miss my abuser. i dont knwo why i do because whenever i was with him i was scared and upset, but,, i dont know. i miss him. it was awful being around him and this is what i watned. i wanted him to leave me alone now he finally does and im,, lonely?? idk it's like he was the only one who ever cared about me but like did he even care? if he did he wouldnt have done what he did, but it was nice to have someone even if they were not someone i liked. and i feel so guilty for missing him because i should be so happy, but im just,, not.

i miss mine too and i don’t know why :/ it’s awful but it’s normal. i think it’s trauma bound