#and it’s on fire
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captain-rickbond · 5 months ago
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Bob W. Hale
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teaboot · 9 days ago
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Okay so I'm a security guard, right
And part of why I like my job is cause I'm pretty good at deescalating conflicts without violence or police involvement
And that *might* be because my primary coping mechanism for stress is humor, and if the guy in the uniform isn't stressed out, usually nobody else is either
But anyhow today I witnessed a crime, which 911 had already been called for
And I'm telling the guy, you know, as he's running away, that nobody's gonna touch him, we don't do that here, I don't have any weapons and he can totally walk on out if he wants to
And he gives me this 'go-fuck-yourself" type answer, right? As you do
And I fucking
I fucking. Start danCING
I DONT KNOW WHY
I WAS JUST LIKE "aight guess I'll go fuck myself then, cheerio" AND START FUCKING DANCING
LIKE MY BRAIN WAS LIKE "Cool not being attacked, gotta keep the witnessed calm, gotta stay chill and breezy" AND THE PHYSICAL RESPONSE FOR THAT WAS TO SYART DOING THIS SASSY FUCKING JIG
I DIDNT EVEN REALIZR I WAS FDOUNG IT UNTIL SOMEONE POIU TED IT OUT AFTER
and it all ended fine and the dude is in custody and I get a call from my boss like "Yeah we're gonna need to send footage to police"
AND
FUCKING
THIS IS GOING TO BE SHOWN IN COURT SOMEWHERE
IM DOUNG A SRUPID LITTLE DANCE ON CAMERA AS THIS GUY LOSES HIS MIND AND ITS GONNA BE ON COURT SOMEWHERW
THIS IS THE STUPIDEST FUCKING THING IVE WVER DONE
I HATE MYSELFD
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candycatfalls · 3 months ago
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bill cmon man this is getting embarrassing
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steveyockey · 8 months ago
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I’m just so fucking pissed off man if they can surgically airstrike international volunteer food workers three consecutive times to ensure their operation is wiped out completely what the fuck is left for anyone to say
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wlwaerith · 5 months ago
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vetted campaigns for gaza. 🍉🇵🇸
@ameera-anq : gofundme — €12,755/€20,000
@amnehsharif10 : gofundme — US$8,759/$90,000
@malkzaeem : gofundme — CA$19,540/$50,000
@burningnightgiver : gofundme — CA$5,596/$50,000
@salahaldinhor : gofundme — €784/€40,000
@save-mohamed-family : gofundme — €23,945/€40,000
i urge everyone who sees this to share, at the very least, if you cannot donate. please, please, please do not scroll past without reblogging. this post will be updated as/if anyone else reaches out!
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disableddyke · 10 months ago
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cookie-kat777 · 3 months ago
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Atla nation, come get y'all's juice
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warthogreporter · 3 months ago
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And now, a brief look at the human fucker community on a monster version of tumblr
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🐙 WetterThanYou Follow
It's so sad that humans can't breathe underwater, makes bringing them to my lair so much harder
👺Ascetic-more-like-ass-cetic Follow
Was anyone going to tell me humans can't breathe underwater or was I supposed to just learn that from a text post?
🐙WetterThanYou Follow
Please tell me you didn't seriously look at humans and go 'they look like they can breathe underwater'
👺Ascetic-more-like-ass-cetic Follow
I thought they were like lions and how some live in the sea :(
🦁BEaST-MAN Follow
DID YOU THINK SEA LIONS WERE LITERAL LIONS?!
👺Ascetic-more-like-ass-cetic Follow
They're not? 😭😭😭
(10,053 Notes)
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🐺HereWolf Follow
Vampires will be like 'I love humans' and then transform every human they know into another vampire. Weak. You are like someone who only watches Marvel movies and calls themselves a filmbuff.
🏏Batass Follow
Hey OP this is an important part of many vampire cultures so you should tone it down because this is really offensive.
🐺HereWolf Follow
You should get a culture that isn't fucking lame.
🦁BEaST-MAN Follow
OP you are literally a werewolf. And into throwing stones in glass houses I guess.
🐺HereWolf Follow
Gurl you don't know the amount of effort I put into keeping my human girlfriend a human girlfriend because I love her for being a human.
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💚CraftedLove Follow
In the club on a date with a human straight up breaking it. And by 'it,' haha, well. Let's just say. His sanity.
(42,069 Notes)
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🧙‍♂️ Crystal-Rooster-and-Orbs Follow
Sick of getting added to group chats like 'plots to overthrow our lieges.' Yes, I am both an evil wizard and an evil vizier. But I'm not plotting any treachery because my king is also evil, and so is my queen. We are in an evil polycule and give each other evil night kisses.
🧙‍♂️ Crystal-Rooster-and-Orbs Follow
Also stop telling me about the evil queen's OnlyFans like the king and I aren't helping her run it. Who do you think is taking the pictures? You have no idea how many evil yet deeply impractical schemes it's given us the economic cushion to do.
(48,835 Notes)
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🤼‍♂️Bitch-of-Heracles Follow
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Need me a human who will hold me like this and just destroy me 😍
♣️HeraclesOfficial✅ Follow
Hey.
🤼‍♂️Bitch-of-Heracles Follow
WHY DID NOBODY THINK TO WARN ME HERACLES WAS ON THIS WEBSITE?!
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This now has a sequel, and a third act
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chic-beyond-the-wall · 11 months ago
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More medieval dyes for y'all!
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sadmages · 4 months ago
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Having ocs is fucked up they make you wake up and think stuff like what if i learn to code in renpy and make this into a visual novel. Who said that
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where-does-the-heart-lie · 5 months ago
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wow.... i cant believe they were abandoned and Luffy collected them like treasures.....
the rest of the strawhats/friends that were gonna be in this post but i decided against it
Not all of them were abandoned by individual people like family members and their community, but the government. Specifically Franky and Law.
Vivi was gonna be in there too but i couldnt,,,, really,,,,, fit her in there.
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demaparbat-hp · 5 months ago
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Arsonist's Lullaby
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flowerytale · 5 months ago
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Celeste Ng, Little Fires Everywhere
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problemnyatic · 4 months ago
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the steven universe hate is insane bc people are (or at least were) more upset that fictional war criminals got fictional hugs than they recognize that it singlehandedly advanced queer rep in children's media by lightyears and then straight up ate heavy retaliation for the nerve.
It does have real flaws that are worth discussing, but it also put their male protagonist in dresses and skirts and played it straight and even empowering, they aired a lesbian wedding on television, it was a genuinely queer, genuinely diverse piece of media through and through. It did a lot of real good for the real world.
But also the fictional characters caused fictional harm to other fictional characters, and didn't get an onscreen firing squad sentence. So, you know, it's basically ontologically evil in real life.
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real-fire-emblem-takes · 11 months ago
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what is it with tiktok tradwives and the worst cooking known to mankind? like where in the bible does it say that it's a cardinal sin to season your food?
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