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soheila-1996 · 5 years ago

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My story- Part Five

This chapter was so difficult to write. I’ve really debated posting this over the last couple days because this is so personal.

I had a miscarrige last year and it’s approaching my son/daughter’s due date as well as what would have been my daughter’s fifth birthday on May 3rd. I’m finding this time really, really difficult. I wasn’t going to take this fic here but writting really is acting as an amazing outlet for me. I’ve really been able to get a lot off my chest. This chapter is all over the place, I apologise for that but I needed to get it out.

My little disclaimer:

I have epilepsy. This details my seizures, I can’t speak for everyone, everyone’s seizures/ experiences are different. This is graphic. Seizures are messy. They aren’t fun and it felt wrong to make it out to be cute when they really aren’t. Pretty much all the things that happen in the plot have happened to me. Well, I’m not married to a king or live in a palace so…there’s that but everything else is accurate. There may be some jokes about it here because I do joke about it sometimes. It makes me more comfortable and I find it helps relax everyone around me. I’m also writing about it because there really aren’t that many fics written about it and I think it’s important to shine light on it.

Any feedback is really appreciated! :)

Tagging people who shared the last part. You don’t have to read it! I just thought you might want to see what happens: @kacie-0156, @texaskitten30, @cordonianroyalty, @kingliam2019, @bebepac, @kingliam-rys, @cordonia-gothqueen, @kimmiedoo5, @bbrandy2002, @loveellamae @bobasheebaby @losingbraincellseveryday @marshmallowsaremyfavorite @jared2612 @flutistbyday2020 @debramcg1106 @anotherbeingsworld

This is also part of wacky drabbles hosted by @emceesynonymroll. The prompt this week is: #40: Don’t you ever do that again.

Paring: Liam and Riley

Warnings: ⚠️ Miscarriage, Suicidal thoughts, blood.

Word count: 4882

Catch up here

(Liam’s POV)

Since the events the other day at the fundraiser and the video, Riley had been...distant. That’s the only way I can explain it. She won’t talk to anyone and when she does, she’s not herself.

I had read some of the truly awful things people had been saying about her. I can’t comprehend how anyone could be so cruel to another human being. She had told me that it doesn't bother her but I know better. I’m positive that it would bother anyone.

Since I had learned about her epilepsy things were okay, then The Five Kingdom’s Festival happened- that’s where things started to go a little bit awry. I can see now that all of us were being a little bit overprotective but we- I was scared. Finding her that day was one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced. It was when she told me about the baby and her miscarrige in a previous relationship was when she started to pull away from me. Our conversations grew shorter and awkward, our passionate kisses became little pecks. It felt like we were growing apart but I don’t fully understand why.

(Riley’s POV)

Liam was down the hall in our home study and I was sitting in our bedroom on the bed, my phone in hand as I scrolled down the comments of the video of my seizure.

I know that looking at them isn't going to make me feel better but I want to know what people are saying about me.

When everything with Tariq happened the comments didn't bother me because I knew it didn't happen...but there was no denying this.

People continued to speculate on whether I was faking it, what was wrong with me if it was real, if I had overdosed and other random ridiculous theories.

I haven't really left our apartment or spoken to anyone- especially Liam. I’m embarrassed even though I can’t control it and I shouldn’t be but I am.

I can’t help it.

I feel like I've not only embarrassed myself but Liam too and my friends.

It astounds me how cruel people can be.

I continued to scroll down the despicable comments- once again only looking at the negative ones. At this point I’ve already read and thought so many despicable things that I've kind of become numb to it now. There’s nothing anyone can say that I haven't already thought of.

I feel the hot tears stinging as I continue to look through them.

Why would he want to be with her???

That’s so embarrassing and gross.

She can die from one of these, right? Great!

I don’t realise that I’m crying or that Liam has come into the room until his hands are resting on my shoulders and he’s kneeling in front of me.

“What’s wrong?”

“It doesn't matter,” I sniffled. I placed my phone down beside me and wiped at my eyes. Liam sat beside me as I brought my knees up to my chest.

“Talk to me,” he encouraged.

He doesn't understand. He can’t. How could I possibly explain to him what I’m feeling right now?

He’d be better off right? He wouldn't have to be constantly worried and stressed about me. He could find someone else, someone who makes him happy and doesnt hurt him.

“Please?”

He moved so he was sitting in front of me. He brought his hands up, both cupping either side of my face as his thumbs wiped the tears away.

“Please talk to me.”

“And say what?” I shrugged, “ That I don’t want to do any of this anymore? Or how I’m so terrified that I’m going to murder our baby so I’m pushing you away so when it happens you’ll already hate me? Is that what you wanted me to tell you?!” My chest was now rising and falling quickly from my outburst. Liam opened his mouth to speak but opted against it.

I mean what did I expect? He’s probably thinking the same things I am.

“Wh-” He started, swallowing thickly. “What do you mean you don’t want to do this anymore?” I stayed silent. I don't know what to say or how to say it. “What’s going on in that head of yours, Ri?” He asked calmly.

I swallowed thickly. If I was being honest, I don’t know. It’s more than what people have been saying online. Those things of course bother me but it’s not anything I haven’t heard before. That’s not what’s caused this.

I shrugged at his question. I don’t know what’s going on or even if I know how do I explain it? I feel lost and..and hopeless and scared. I’m really scared.

“Riley?”

“I-I just don’t want to do this anymore.” I swallowed thickly as I turned my head to look at him.

“What don’t you want to do anymore?”

“All of it.” I saw the fear flash across my husband's face. “I don’t want to be here anymore,” I said, my voice monotone. I know that I’m going to start crying, I know that i’ve just hurt Liam with what I’ve said and stand up after picking my cell phone up and pocketing it.

I went to walk away but Liam's hand gently wrapped around my wrist to stop me. I hesitantly turn to face him. My heart shattered at seeing the tears welling in his eyes.

I tugged my arm out of his grasp and cleared my throat. “I-I need a minute.”

“Riley?” He called after me. His voice laced with sheer panic. I stopped in the doorway and turned to look at him getting up onto his feet.

He went to move towards me but I held up a hand to stop him, “I’m not going to do anything,” I reassured, “ I- I just need a minute. I’ll come back.” I didn't say anything else as I left the apartment.

It was true, I wasn’t going to do anything, I just wanted to be alone for a few minutes to think over it all. I needed to figure this all out on my own first.

The next morning, my eyes fluttered open and were immediately stung by the sun rays peeking in through the partially closed curtains. I turned over to lay on my back and used my arm to shield my eyes from the blinding light.

I had avoided Liam after our talk yesterday evening and had stayed with Drake last night to ensure I wouldn’t run into my husband. I had sent Liam a text before going to bed to let him know that I’m okay.

There were a million different places I could’ve stayed but Drake is one of my best friends and I couldn’t be with Liam knowing I had hurt him.

Drake was like Liam- overprotective but he is one my best friends. Drake has always been here for me, through the highs and lows. Always here to confide in but we haven't spoken about it.

I don’t know where to begin or how to explain how I’m feeling.

It’s not that I can’t speak to Liam. I can tell him anything and he wouldn't judge me over it but seeing his face last night… I can’t hurt him anymore. I can’t.

I had found that over the last few days my mind had started to become a scary place. Filled with thoughts I haven't had since highschool. They're difficult to ignore. I’m tired of trying to ignore them. Keeping them pushed to the back of my mind only for them to come back stronger.

Everything just takes up so much energy.

I threw the blankets off of me, headed out of Drake's spare room and down the hall to the bathroom- that was thankfully unoccupied.

Drake never was an early riser so that’s hardly surprising.

I had just sat, pulled my pants and panties down when I felt my stomach churn at the sight of the red substance splattered in my otherwise pristine white underwear.

Shit. shit. No...please

I can feel my heart start racing. Beating madly like horses hooves hitting the ground. My stomach rolls and my heart sinks.

This can't be happening.

“It's okay,” I whispered to myself. “I’m fine. A little bit of spotting is normal. Totally normal.” I’m saying the words, I know the facts and yet I’m still panicking.

I took a deep breath and held it in for a few seconds, closing my eyes as I did so, going to my happy place. I did this a few more times to prevent my breathing going off the rails and going into a full blown panic. I don’t need that right now.

I don't have any nausea like normal but that’s okay, right? It should probably be called ‘all- day sickness’ It’s never just limited to the morning.

I’m fine.

It’ll probably rear its ugly head at some point during the day.

It’s probably a good thing actually. None of my friends know that I’m pregnant and Drake probably wouldn't appreciate me puking in his bathroom.

I flushed the toilet then headed out. As I was walking past the kitchen back to the spare room I heard Drake’s voice.

I changed direction and headed into the kitchen instead. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t surprised to see my husband sitting at the table opposite Drake.

Liam stood up when he saw me and wrapped me in his arms. “Are you okay?” He immediately asked.

“I’m fine.” I wanted to tell him about the spotting but...I don’t. It’s probably nothing. There’s no point in both of us stressing over it.

“Last night you disappeared and I-”

“I’m sorry,” I cut him off before he started to continue his worried rambling. I feel like the biggest bitch on the planet.

I didn’t handle last night well at all.

“Don't you ever do that again,” Liam said. I could hear the concern and worry laced in his normal stoic voice.

“I’m sorry. I just needed to- I needed some time to think over everything,” I explained as I wrapped both my arms around him tighter.

“I was so worried about you,” he told me quietly.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

We were interrupted by Drake clearing his throat. We let go of each other and turned to him. “Do you one of you want to tell me what’s going on?”

Liam went to open his mouth but I started talking before he could have a chance to, “It’s private and nothing to worry about,” I say quickly. “Thank you for letting me stay last night, Drake.”

“Sure,” he responded.

“I-I’m gonna go and get my stuff.” I awkwardly headed out and into the spare room to grab my phone, only to discover it had died, and my jacket and shoes- since they were the only things I had with me yesterday evening.

I slipped my shoes and jacket on then headed back into the kitchen.

The awkwardness in there was almost palpable.

Liam and I both said goodbye to our friend, then headed back to our quarters so I could shower and change.

On the way back Liam had told me we needed to talk but I don’t want to...not now at least. I just wanted to shower before I met up with Hana later.

I had asked him about how he knew where I was. He told me that he had panicked last night when I left and had tried to get hold of me but received no answer, then had called Drake thankfully to discover I was safe and sound with him.

I truly felt awful about it all. I wasn’t thinking last night that my disappearing act would make him worry so much. I didn’t mean to make him worry.

It just seemed to be one thing after another.

It was a few hours later, Hana and I are sitting in the library working on planning Maxwell’s surprise birthday party. Neither of us had planned one before and was finding it a little bit difficult. An offer had been extended for Drake to come and join us but he opted against it and Liam was in the middle of a conference call with the French ambassador but should be along shortly.

My laptop was open in front of me. I was writing down all our ideas we had come up with so far. All we knew was that we wanted it to be Kraken or squid themed- maybe both.

I was typing all of our ideas when my arm started to tingle.

Oh no.

I looked up to Hana who sat opposite me. She was making a sketch of a new suit she wanted to make for Maxwell for the party.

My stomach rolled.

Hana soon looked up at me. Everything was becoming confusing. My notes are almost forgotten. Why I’m here forgotten too.

I don’t think I took my medication this morning.

“Are you alright?”

I shook my head. “N-No,” I slurred.

All I really know right now is that I’m not feeling good. I feel sick.

I wobbily got to my feet and so did Hana.

I don’t know where I am but I don’t want to be here.

She stood in front of me, hands resting on my shoulders. “Riley, are you going to have a seizure?” My hearing is starting to disappear. Her voice sounds different- echoey.

I don’t understand what she's asking me.

(Hana’s POV)

I now understand what Maxwell had been feeling at the fundraiser. We’ve both been there to witness this but Drake and Liam have always been the ones to help her.

I gently helped her down onto the floor.

Riley started to squirm and whimper as she tried to get up off the floor. Her limbs don’t want to cooperate with her. I’m sure that’s making her panic more because her attempts to get away get stronger.

“It’s okay,” I said, quietly. She’s still squirming and whimpering. I know she probably doesn't understand anything that I’m saying right now to attempt to comfort her.

I heard her start to gag and immediately helped her over onto her side. I rubbed her back comfortingly, “It’s okay .Get it all out.”

Once she had finished, I quickly stood to fetch our phones off the table and a cushion off one of the seats.

I carefully slid the cushion under her head, she tried to move but she can barely move her limbs now.

“I dun’t feel glood,” She said in a small, slurred voice that made it difficult for me to understand.

“It's okay,” I tried to console but I dont think it’s doing much.

Her face fell blank, expressionless and less than a second later she started seizing, I quickly pressed the button to start the timer. I picked Riley’s phone up and looked for Liam’s contact.

It only ran three times before Liam picked up. “Love?”

“It’s Hana, Liam. We’re in the library and Riley’s having a seizure.”

“What?” He sounded panicked.

“She’s okay. It’s all under control. I- I just thought that you needed to know.”

“I’ll be there soon.” Liam hung up and I turned all my attention back to Riley. A little bit of blood started to trickle out of her mouth, I used the bottom of my dress to wipe it away, remembering that I needed to keep her airway as clear as possible.

Her thrashing started to slow down. “There you go,” I whispered. 2:23 was on the timer as I reached over to stop it as her thrashing ceased. I made a mental note of it.

About a minute later Liam arrived and dropped onto his knees beside us. It wasnt much longer until her eyes started to move behind their lids and opened completely.

(Riley’s POV)

Why can’t I move?

Why can’t I hear?

Where am I?

I can see two figures beside me. I can’t tell who they are!

Who are they?

What do they want?

Where am I?

I try to squirm away but my body doesn’t want to comply.

I’m scared, I don’t know where I am or why I’m here. My fight-or- flight response is starting to kick in. All I know is that I need to get away from these strange people.

Everything is still a blurry right now. The figures don’t yet have any defined facial features. My hearing is like I’m underwater- it’s all muffled.

A short while later, the details of the world around me is starting to bleed back into focus- I only wish my memory would do this too. I can see the bookshelves, the people near me. A sense failairt is over then but I can’t quite figure out why yet

The blonde ones seem to notice that I can see him and tilts his head a little bit. I realize I do recognize him and the woman. “Liam?” I asked. I’m still a little bit unsure.

The world doesn't completely make sense.

“I’m here,” he cooed. “We’re in the library, you had a little seizure,” he started to explain to me, “It’s just me and Hana.”

I looked at the woman. “Hi Riley.”

I don’t properly acknowledge my friend and look back to Liam. “What happened? I asked, his previous explanation completely forgotten.

“You had a seizure.”

“Oh.”

It took a few minutes for me to become fully alert. Now I was sitting up with Liam supporting me from behind.

I’m so tired.

I turned my head slightly and noticed the red stain on the bottom of my friend's dress. “I’m so sorry,” I panicked. Hana looked confused before she followed my gaze down.

“Oh don’t worry about it,” She said, waving me off.

“It’ll probably stain.”

“It’ll be fine. I promise,” Hana reassured, “I’m sure I’ll be able to get it out. Don’t worry about it.”

I nodded and let out a yawn.

“Do you want to head back to the apartment now?” Liam asked me. I nodded in agreement. Liam stood first and extended a hand out to me, I took it gratefully. Liam easily pulled me up off the not so comfortable library floor.

We both said goodbye to Hana, Liam grabbed my laptop off the table then we headed out. “Are you feeling okay now?” Liam asked me.

“Yeah,” I yawned, “I’m just tired, a little sore.”

We continued towards the apartment for a few minutes, when Liam spoke again breaking the silence. “Do you know what caused it this time?” He asked.

“I erm...I forgot to take my medication this morning,” I realized, thinking back to this morning. “I- I got a little distracted.” When we arrived back, I decided a nap would be beneficial- i was exhausted now so I settled down on the couch. Liam retrieved a blanket from our bedroom as I got comfortable. By the time he returned I was just about to drift off.

I felt him cover me with the blanket then place a kiss on my forehead. “I’ll be in the study if you need me.” I hummed before letting myself drift off.

I’m not sure how much later it was when I was woken up from my nap by some cramping, I rubbed at my eyes as I stood up. I felt sick at seeing the cushion I was laying on is now stained red.

Shit!

I looked down and saw the red, sticky blood covering my pants. I immediately headed out of the living room. I need Liam. This isn’t normal.

An icy finger ran down my spine when I felt another cramp slice across my lower abdomen. I wasn’t expecting it and leaned forward, grabbing hold of the door frame to Liam’s study, groaning quietly.

This can't be happening….Please, Please don’t let this be happening….Please…

My knuckles had turned white from the force I was using to keep hold of the wood. My other hand was resting on my stomach.

I bit my lip. I could taste the familiar metallic taste of blood from the freshly made cut in my bottom lip. I bit down harder as the pain seemed to intensify . I tried to keep in the whimper but I couldn’t.

I heard Liam’s chair be pushed back, then footsteps and before I knew it he was standing in front of me.

I couldn’t stop the tears from falling as I looked up to him. His eyebrows were knitted in concern but the look in his eyes told me he had an inkling about what was happening.

“Riley?” I’m sure I heard his voice crack. I whimpered again as another cramp tore through me.

What did I do wrong?

I can feel Liam’s hands resting on my shoulders now. “Riley, what’s happening sweetheart?”

I looked up to him. My tear filled gaze meeting his. My bottom lip trembled.

Was It something I ate?

“I-I’m…” I turned to look down at the floor. I couldn't look at him while I told him this. I couldn't watch as I shattered his dream of having a baby- like a true coward. “I’m losing the baby.”

Liam’s hands fell from my shoulders to rest by his side. He looked scared, panicked.

Is this because of a seizure?

Liam rubbed at his teary eyes. I groaned as another cramp sliced across my stomach once again. Liam stepped towards me and I grabbed onto his shoulders.

What if I had told him this morning?

“It’s okay,” Liam said, quickly, cupping my face in his hands.

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “It...It’s not,” I cried. The pain only seemed to worsen and I had the sudden urge to go to the toilet. “I-I need to go to the toilet.”

Liam nodded and helped me down the hall and into the bathroom. I pulled down my pants and underwear and took a seat.

“Get out,” I ordered quietly. My knuckles were once again white clamped over my knees. Liam looked up at me, disbelief spread across his face.

“What?”

“Get out,” I demanded more forcibly this time. I didn’t want him to see this. He didn’t need to see this.

“Ri-”

“JUST GET OUT!” I screamed at him through a sob. “Please.” I could see the internal battle he was having with himself. “Just go,” I sniffled.

Thankfully he did as he was told.

It was a few minutes later when suddenly all the pain was gone and something slippery fell out and splashed into the toilet.

Oh god.

I wiped myself with some toilet paper. It came back covered in red. I felt sick.

I slowly got back up to my feet and pulled up my pants. I turned around so I’m facing the toilet; I bit my lip, once again drawing blood as I looked down into the bowl. It’s hard to see anything because of the crimson stained water, then I see it- my baby bobbing in the water.

My hand hovers on the handle.

I want to take it out. It doesn't feel right for my baby to be in the toilet where waste goes but what would I do with it? With him or her?

I heard the door open as Liam stepped in. I don’t turn to look at him, my gaze is fixed on the toilet. I felt him step up behind me and peek a glance.

He wrapped his arms around me and a sob ripped out of his throat. I let myself slam into his chest and allow him to wrap me in his arms as I continue to stare at it.

I don’t know what to do.

“I-I don’t know what to do,” I mumbled, defeated. Liam rubbed my shoulders comfortingly, sniffling.��

“What did you do last time?” He asked.

“I- I buried her.”

“Did that help?” I shook my head. It didn't. Having my baby so close to me just outside and knowing I couldn’t hold her broke my heart. Everyday. “Should we flush it?” I could hear in his voice that he was crying.

My hand reached for the handle as my other when to cover my mouth as a sob tore out of my throat. Liam stepped closer to me, one hand around my waist as the other covered mine over the handle.

“Are you sure?” I nodded and turned my head away. “One...two...three.” Both our hands pushed down and a loud whooshing filled my ears as clean water replaced the crimson.

After I had calmed down, Liam and I headed to the hospital after he had convinced me too. I know he’s just worried and wants to make sure I was okay so I go along with it even though I don’t care anymore.

After getting checked out, Liam and I climbed in the back of the SUV and strapped ourselves in. We barely had uttered a word to one another- actually Liam had tried to talk to me but...what was there to say? It’s gone and there's nothing anybody can do to change that.

I keep going over it all wondering if there was something I could’ve done differently, what I did wrong...There must’ve been something that I did to cause this.

Like I had suspected everyone told me that it wasnt my fault- that ‘it’s just one of those things and ‘it’s actually quite common’ but I don't know what to think or how to feel.

I didn’t let myself get excited over it. I didn't let myself dream over what the baby would look like or what they’d be, what type of person they would grow up to become but from the moment that baby was conceived it was my child. I know for a fact Liam over the last nine weeks has thought about it, let himself get excited over it and I had just ruined it for him.

The journey back home was spent in an uncomfortable silence. I wanted to speak. I wanted to apologise profusely to my husband for what I had done but I couldn’t. How could I ever make amends with words?

When we arrived home, Liam had extended out his hand to help me out of the vehicle but I didn't take it, opting to push past him instead.

I heard Liam’s hurried footsteps behind me as I walked towards our apartment. I could hear him calling my name but I ignored it and continued on my way.

I quickly unlocked the front door and headed straight to the bathroom.

I need a shower.

I headed down the hall to the bathroom.

I didn't waste any time stripping off my clothes and switching the water.

It’s cold to begin with but I’m numb to everything right now.

Everything feels like I've stepped into another dimension or that I'm trapped in a nightmare that I can’t escape.

It doesn't feel real.

I picked up the loofah and plastered it in my body wash and started to scrub at dried blood on my legs.

I want it off of me!

I don’t realise that all the blood is soon gone and I’m just rubbing at my flesh until its raw.

I’m crying.

I’m screaming.

I just want this all to stop.

My hand is pulled away from my now agitated flesh by Liam. He plucked the loofah out of my hand and put it down then pulled me against his chest. I fight against him and manage to squirm out of his grip.

He can’t comfort me.

I don’t deserve it not after what I’ve done.

One of the first things I notice now that I’m facing him is that he’s still wearing his clothes and they're wet.

“You’re getting all wet!” I cried as I tried to urge him out of the shower but he wouldn't budge. He simply just pulled me into his arms, my back resting against his chest.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. I’m not sure he heard me over the water hitting the floor. It hit me then that I could never apologise enough, there is nothing I can do that is ever going to rectify any of this.

It’s not like this is the first time. It’s happened twice- two babies that I have failed to protect. Two babies that I just wanted to hold more than anything in the world but will never get the chance too.

“There’s nothing to apologise for.”

“Y-yes there is,” I said. My bottom lip quivered. I know that If I speak again then the tears are going to start falling.

“It’s not your fault.” Liam’s words do not ring true for me right now. I’ve already convinced myself that my actions caused this. That I am the one to blame. I want to cry but why should I be allowed to grieve over something that I caused?

It’s all my fault.

#my story #tw miscarriage #tw seizure #tw sucidal thoughts #the royal romance #trr #wacky drabbles #liam x riley

60 notes · View notes

satari-raine · 5 years ago

Note

Thanks for the replies. I'm not certain about Clover's character either since we don't get to explore his thought processes but I have fun testing out alternative readings of the character like is he actually confident or faking it to hide an inferiority complex. Either interpretation can work depending how you frame it so it's fun to posit about both. One thing interesting with the scenes you mention is Clover never refers to his luck as something solely for him to benefit from. 1/?

In the mines he says Qrow is the one who is lucky not something like “Well lucky for me my semblance is Good Fortune”. He wishes others like Robyn luck but at the manor says “Wish us luck” and when Qrow makes a joke that put Clover in the spotlight as the source of that luck Clover pauses and brightens. The van scene has a similar spin Clover says the kids are lucky to have a mentor (Qrow) and not everyone is as lucky. Is this him acknowledging his own good fortune 2/?

Or did he grow up without a mentor and “get lucky enough” to make it through regardless. Either reading works. Clover’s semblance is unique in that unlike other privileges in the real world, like being born with a lot of money, Clover is the only person with his circumstances. Meaning he would constantly be reminded that his point of view is not the norm. Perhaps he’s even hyper vigilant about it similar to how Qrow likely blames every bad thing on his luck Clover second guesses every good 3/?

Maybe Clover’s the type to not trust naturally good events or believe they are normal occurrences. Maybe he doesn’t talk about bad things because he thinks that’s just how things are. A lot of people with various mental illnesses/neurodivergentices don’t realize they are different they just think that’s how things are. Do his cocky moments come off negative because of pride or difficulty connecting or both. What ever you decide its fun to speculate and I enjoy stories that explore that.

You’re very welcome, Anon! But wow, I’m honestly a bit floored at all of this. In a good way, of course! I just hope I can do justice to the time you’ve taken to think and write all this out. With that said, here goes?

I think that’s exactly what makes Clover an interesting character to write. While it’s bittersweet that we didn’t get much backstory or a wider arrangement of scenarios to see him act in, it’s also fun to see how people fill in the gaps themselves. People can go a confident, flirty route, and it fits. Others can portray a secretive, somber side, and it works just as well. It’s definitely fun to build him up based on what we’ve been given, and there are people who seem to enjoy any and all sides people want to portray.

With those scenes you’ve mentioned, starting with the mine scene, Clover wishing Qrow luck always made me… well, curious, I guess? Here’s a man well-known (infamously or otherwise) across Remnant, and when he says he has the direct opposite of Clover’s semblance, that he carries misfortune with him regardless of his own consent, Clover takes a second before telling him it’s a shame that Qrow thinks he’s better off working alone because of it. I’ve never been able to tell if that’s because he thinks semblances like theirs can work to their benefits (since it’s been shown) or if he’s trying to offer comfort in some way.

But it’s almost bittersweet, that scene. Since Clover is practically everything Qrow could be, even when you remove the good luck semblance: his appearance is of a strong, capable leader with his head on straight who cares for those under his charge. (Not that Qrow isn’t any of these himself, but self-perceptions are rarely skewed in the positive in situations like that.) So I have to wonder if Clover’s “lucky you, huh?” can be Clover actually saying something like, “it’s okay,” - something based off first impressions - and if Qrow can work towards believing that after everything he had gone through prior to Atlas. Coming from someone outside of the kids and Tai, or Summer - a reassurance of lingering good despite the ever-lasting bad - I still can’t shake the fact that it’d be a bitter pill for Qrow to swallow regardless of Clover’s intentions, and regardless that a friendship did eventually bloom between them.

With wishing Robyn luck, I like to think it’s because Clover knows that despite their differences in alliances, in tactics, he knows that she’s doing her damndest for her people - she’s doing whatever she can regardless of what’s stopping her, and I think he not only admires that tenacity but relates to it. Or perhaps he aspires towards it. It seemed to hint at some connection prior to what we saw, be it just them working on opposite sides or if they knew each other from elsewhere, but I liked the humanity it showed in Clover. It’s hard to wish someone luck when they’re against you, and considering it came from him (and given the voice actor’s tone in this scene), it sounded… genuine. You’re right, he doesn’t seem to be greedy with his positive fortune.

And with him reacting to Qrow joking with him in the manor, that was honestly delightful. Not just because it’s someone else who can theoretically understand how their semblances impact their lives, but it’s Qrow giving just as good as he’s gotten from Clover’s jokes or comments. I think it makes more of an impact on Clover than we were shown. Anyone can say good luck and mean it, but Qrow says it and it’s different. Because they’re both aware of the man’s relationship with good luck, and I think that’s why Clover’s so amused there, why he brightens. Almost like he’s proud? I guess I just like the thought that they can learn something from one another, that the world can still surprise them at their ages.

I adore the mentor conversation. Qrow seems to internalize his doubts and grievances, so it was nice to have it spoken aloud (especially since he couldn’t exactly go back to drinking away those feelings, and the fact he admitted that so easily also warms me.) And while the amount of time they’ve known each other is a mystery, it’s nice to see Clover had a good enough read on him to tell him that Qrow’s doing a fine job despite everything going against him. Bad luck semblance or not, I like to imagine that the kids are lucky to have Qrow with them, despite the ups and downs that happened during the journey. Especially with Qrow working on improving himself and making amends, however slow going they may be, having his expertise is just as important an asset as his company. With how that relates to Clover, him telling Qrow he’s lucky in that sense when others aren’t struck me as Clover not being so fortunate to have someone to guide him. I don’t know if it was the tone of voice or the flow of the scene, but it sounded something close to loneliness. An accepted loneliness, sure, but I wonder about it.

I like to think Clover definitely has moments of where he questions if something happened due to his luck or because of the effort put in, or whatever other factors involved. It’d probably be hard not to, even if it ends up in a positive outcome. It’d probably lend itself to some paranoia or maybe even a sense of depression, which I think helps in how he seems to understand some of where Qrow’s coming from. To Qrow, it’d probably seem close to a slap in the face to hear that having constant good luck could be a bad thing, but I think there is some merit in positives and negatives being on both sides of their coin. In regards to his outlook, there’s some merit there in settling into one’s situation and having it be the only thing you’ve known, especially if it isn’t necessarily challenged. I like to think his cockiness stems from knowing his fortune, knowing his limits, and knowing that he’s an esteemed importance to those he serves. I like to think he’s earned it simply because it never sounded like it came from a bad place, or a place where he was on a pedestal looking down. Granted that’s just my interpretation but Clover is definitely a character I’ve enjoyed seeing people interpert differently. The creativity is inspiring.

Well, um, I hope this suffices? I have to say, I’m a bit curious as to why you came to me with these, but I’m not ungrateful. It’s been really nice, and hopefully someone enjoys these rambles. Feel free to talk with me anytime, on anon or otherwise - and thank you, again.

#Asks #Anonymous #RWBY #Clover Ebi #Satari rambles #This got so long and I apologize for that #I'm surprised at the attention I've gotten on here today #But thank you!#This was really nice to write out and think about

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abrunettefangirlnerd · 5 years ago

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Surprise!

Prompt: After the snap, you are all recovering from your lost ones. Though what if you find out that two is about to become three?

Pairing: Tony Stark x reader

Tonight is your three year anniversary with Tony. With everything going on since the war with Thanos you weren’t planning on doing anything. All energy has been put into finding a way to reverse what happened or to at least avenge those who we all lost. So far you’ve managed to get a few people back but no one is sure how. Tony feels especially guilty even though it is not his fault, something you remind him of constantly.

“Tony seriously we don’t have to go out tonight,” you insist. “I’ve been feeling weird anyway.”

“No no no,” Tony wraps an arm around you. “We need to celebrate and act somewhat normal. There hasn’t been much of that recently.”

You silently agree knowing when Tony has his mind made up there is no stopping him. Perhaps he is right, maybe the two of you need a night of normalcy.

Shortly after, Tony gets out of bed and heads toward the lab. You remain tangled in the loose covers, attempting to get a few more moments of sleep before joining him. Normally you teach at an inner city school in New York, but after the snap a great deal of the students disappeared. You had a hard time trying to adjust not seeing all your kids and quit to help Tony, your husband, with trying to fix it.

A lurching sensation boils in your stomach. Curling into a ball you try to suppress it but it won’t let up. Waves of nausea hit you one after another and you eventually make a run toward the bathroom. The cool tile against your legs is soothing but the new found stench makes your eyes water. You empty what was left in your stomach, lean against the wall, and think about what you ate last night.

“It couldn’t-“ you and Tony had broccoli cheddar soup last night. The cheese was fresh so it was not the dairy. Going to the last possible option, your fingers count how long ago your last period was. You’re late.

Grabbing your phone you immediately call Wanda, one of the ones who made it back. She easily became your best friend after meeting Tony. During the Accords you made Tony swear if she came to visit he’d have to help hide her incase the government dishrags came to visit.

“Wanda, I need you to do me a favor.” Out of breath, you try to calm down. “I need you to go out and get me a pregnancy test. Don’t tell anyone.”

She quickly agrees and ends the call. Pacing around the room you wait for her to arrive and silently pray that Tony doesn’t come up for air. The two of you never really talked about children. Before Thanos he mentioned something about kids but the topic was never revisited. The lost of Peter took its toll on the both of you, still does.

After what feels like forever, Wanda finally shows up with a purse containing the test. She gives it to you without a word but with a nervous but anxious wink. You disappear into the bathroom once more and use the test. Your heart starts to race while waiting for the results.

“You know I’ve always wanted to be cool fun aunt.” You hear Wanda outside the door. “Nat has Clint’s kids.”

She remains silent. Everyone has promised no one will mention anyone in the past tense until everything has been tried to get the rest back. It doesn’t lessen the pain but it brings hope that everyone will see them again. But she’s right, Nat is cool aunt already. It is Wanda’s turn if you are pregnant.

You join Wanda in your bedroom but leave the test on the counter. It is ready but you can’t look at it. First you want a clear head with no preconceived feelings about it reading one way or the other. If it is negative you never lost something you didn’t have, it would probably be better that way. If it is positive then you get a smaller version of Tony, hopefully they inherit his brains.

Wanda appears to be as twitchy as you. Her eyes keep fluttering to the bathroom door before returning to you. She is dying to know. Giving you her hand, Wanda leads you to the test and with each step your breathing slows.

**********

“Honey, are you sure you’re okay?” Tony looks at you with speculating eyes.

Since arriving at the restaurant you have barely spoken a word. Not only that but you ordered water when you normally share a bottle of wine with your husband, and you asked a lot of questions about how the food was prepared before ordering.

“I am, though-“ you look down at your plate. “I guess it depends on how you look at it.”

“Okay babe you’re scaring me.” Tony reaches for your hand. “Just tell me, I can handle it.”

Squeezing his hand, you try not to laugh. You’ve gotten him all worked up and maybe he will think it is the best news in the world. On the other hand maybe he won’t want anything to do with it. Tony looks at you with worried glossed over eyes.

“I’m pregnant.”

“You’re you’re… what?” Tony rambles, thinking he miss heard you.

“Tony,” you squeeze his hand, and he squeezes yours back. “You are going to be a father.”

Sitting slightly to your right Tony immediately leans in and captures your lips with a kiss. Longer than a simple kiss, not as intense as they are behind closed doors, but filled with the most love you’ve ever felt. Something you didn’t believe was possible. Leaning his forehead against yours, he places a soft kiss against your nose as a tear slides down your cheek.

“We’re going to be parents.” He whispers as a smile dances across his lips. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

Tony suddenly jumps out of his seat as if electrocuted. Hoping up on the chair he declares he has an announcement. Embarrassed you try to hide your face and plead with him to get back done. Tony of course argues saying he is too excited to keep it to himself.

“This beautiful-brilliant woman here next to me,” Tony points at you and your red face. “She has given me the best news I think anyone could get, especially with how the world is today. I AM GOING TO BE A DAD!!”

He shouts at the top of his lungs, and seeing the excitement on his face makes it hard for you to keep a straight face. Seeing his reaction builds the confidence inside you that you two can do this. You’re going to be a mom and the realization just hits you now. Tears of happiness stream down your face and you kiss Tony once he gets back down to your level. You both are going to make amazing parents… now you just have to tell the rest of the team.

Tag List: @drabby-abby @vesta-ro

#tony stark x reader #tony stark x you #tony stark x i #tony stark x pregnant reader #tony stark x plus sized reader #x reader #x you #x i #avenger #avenger x reader #tony stark imagine #tony stark fanfiction #tony stark fanfic #pregnant #tony stark pregnant #dad tony stark #tony stark dad #tony stark love

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therobinsonwayoflife · 7 years ago

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Unnecessarily Complicated (Speculative) Psychoanalysis of the MTR characters:

*basically these are headcanons because the original canon? not much to go off of tbh

so I’m only doing the three main (ish) characters although I’ve already talked a lot abt Michael and Wilbur here.

Cornelius:

We know about him the most, from gawky self-depreacting childhood to freakishly collected adulthood so i can confidently say that he consistently seeks validation, covertly through his inventions. He will literally never say so out loud, not under oath, not with a gun to his head, not to anyone. But he craves attention and nothing is ever enough. He’s used to working to the bone until he gets what he wants to the point where when he does achieve something, he doesn't know what to do with it. Once he’s finished one invention he’ll start another, if one project is failing or starts to bore him, he’ll immediately loose sleep on moving on to the next thing. Though he likes to tout about his love of charity and using his inventions to help people, they’re also a means to an end: both to seek others’ attention, and to distract from thinking about himself too much.

He doesn’t want to think about his flaws or his strengths, or his personality, or his vulnerabilities; it’s all about what he does. If someone were to criticise his inventions, that’s fine he’ll just work harder if someone criticises his behaviour or his personality it’s like hitting a brick wall. Of course if he cares enough about the situation he will find a way to adapt, he’s very stubborn and sometimes even obtuse but he’s a people pleaser at the end of the day. He simultaneously cares about pleasing everyone and asserting himself as an individual than everyone in a very specific way. He loves rules and he’ll follow them to a T until he finds a way to break them and be better than everyone else. He never wants praise for anything that he personally didn't achieve or can’t control. Like if someone compliments him on his looks, he’ll call them vapid.

Everything is a work in progress, something to figure out and this also applies to his relationships. After years of rejection and abandonment he’s immediately suspicious of everyone but if and when someone does gain his trust and peak his interest, he’ll start to analyse them and pull their personality apart until he (thinks) he knows them. He can be very charming and finds all these ways to indirectly play his strengths to them, tailor himself to their personality, make all the gears mesh together. He’s really good at chasing after people but he’s also extremely self-conscious about seeming too clingy so he’ll compulsively avoid the very people he wants attention from. Like his work, once he does get someone to love him back he gets confused, like he never expected this to happen, he didn't plan this far ahead. He needs someone to tell him what happens next, else he’ll get bored and scared and hole himself up in the lab.

He’s very driven and can become really hyper fixated on something he’s working on/any goal he’s working towards which often intimidates people, if they can’t keep up he’s likely to just leave them behind. And sometimes even justifies it by thinking its their fault they can’t follow, he can be very snobby. (i definitely think thats why he surrounds himself with people who share his intensity) He’s not necessarily confrontational but I think he enjoys the challenge of people picking a fight with him, like a debate.

Though as he gets older he becomes a lot more confident and calmer (and of course he has to for the diplomatic side of being a CEO and a parent) and he’s probably able to deal with everything much better and compartmentalise his work vs personal life and separate his identity from his projects. Partially due to his lingering abandonment fears, he’s very loyal to a select number of people. And when he makes the effort (which he sometimes forgets to), boy can he read people and emotionally empathise with them very closely. Slowly, he starts to learn how not to push things towards an indeterminate future and just hang out in the moment.

Franny:

Franny craves attention but it has to be in a very specific way: she goes out of her way to stand out and be The Weird Kid. If someone ever called her normal she would die. Be a musician? Be a scientist? Ew no. And anything that doesnt fit her carefully curated personality she’ll hide like a dirty secret. She pretends she doesn't care about people’s opinions, that she’s above it all, if someone doesn’t like her, it must be because her strong sense of individuality intimidates people and not because she actively pushes them away because she’s afraid of intimacy. She’s independent that way, or stubborn depending on the day.

She’s very ambitious and very competitive. And if she decides that someone’s either boring or feels like hey don’t appreciate her enough, she cuts them off. Despite her warmth and friendliness, even to strangers, she can have a mean, no-nonsense personality and punish you for expectations she won’t admit she has. I doubt it’s very fun to be grounded by her.

Of course, to the people she loves, she goes all out and remembers every single little detail about them so she can make perfectly tailored, personalised gifts or outings on their birthdays. She’s very good at remembering people’s dislikes and their flaws and depending on the situation, will either do her best to avoid them or deliberately push their buttons to get back at them. She’s also very intuitive about people’s emotions, but she’s not always very open about all that insight, which she’ll keep to herself for safekeeping.

Franny is a sort of in-between for cornelius and wilbur, she doesnt care about performance at least not ultimately and she doesnt concern herself with what people think of her or wether they’ll leave her, she’s constantly living in the future and thinking about the big picture. She doesnt plan either because she knows that after the plan, life goes on. She just wants life to be fun and interesting and while she loves analysing it and taking it apart, it’s all a game to her, she just wants to laze around, eat chocolate and maybe travel to the world’s highest mountain and do something really impulsive .

Wilbur:

I once considered climbing into the Discourse Ring and getting into a debate w someone over wether or not Wilbur’s a Slytherin but i thought better of it because we’re all going to die and Hogwarts houses are worse than the MBTI types and who cares it’s just fun. But for the record: i don’t think he is and the reason is simple; it’s because he’s not ambitious. He's too afraid to be.

He's extremely intelligent, very witty and fairly adaptable to complete disaster. Everything for him is about performance, he’s a perfectionist and he goes out of his way to try everything: sports, checkers, math, sculpture, acting, knitting, gif-making. All the time and he has to be the best at everything he does but when he finds that there’s something he can’t do, he’ll dismiss it like nothing really matters in the grand scheme of it all. He doesn’t wanna say anything about it lest he confront his family’s gung-ho opinion on failure. And the thing is: the Robinson’s celebration of failure predicates an expectation of trying, of constantly working and you know what? He doesn’t want to try. He’s too scared to go after anything and he’s certainly weighed down by all the unspoken pressure of having a famous family of prodigies.

Sometimes he wishes there were rules he could follow so he could be the best at life but that doesn't really work with his family’s complete lack of boundaries. I think there’s a part of Wilbur that will never truly grow up and not just because he’s spoilt or that he’ll always be freakishly close with his parents but also because he’s still waiting around for people to tell him what to do. I have a very specific image of him as an adult doing weird shit to compensate for how immature he feels. Like, he’ll make his house all black, no colour, he wears a tux and slicks his hair back with GOBS of hairgel, he has a fancy car he never uses but likes to show off because look how clean it is! Of course, even though he thrives on rules and fulfilling expectations, he’s still very selective on what rules he’ll follow because again: if he thinks it’s dumb or if it’ll negatively impact his rep, he’s not touching it with a ten-foot pole.

He’s very easily bored and gets distracted all the time (also hd him as having ADDD or ADHD). He’s deliberately getting himself into trouble and pushing people’s buttons as a way to act out. But again he’s very charming and very observant. He likes to play dumb but he’s secretly paying attention to everything about everyone and he knows exactly what will tick them off and what won’t. And given the right circumstances he can be a genuinely caring and empathetic person.

#meet the robinsons #mtr #disney #wilbur robinson #william joyce #analysis #headcanon #wilbur #cornelius #franny #so many facts! so much knowledge !#what will i do with it?#nothing!#well thats not true there's still fic...#i actually study psychology so i know that i am 100% crazy #ps wilbur has the potential to be in any other house

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ramjfkclub · 8 years ago

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Week 4 - About a Boy

It isn't Friday the 22nd of November, 1963 The time isn't 12:30 p.m. It's actually October 18th, 1939, and we're in New Orleans, Louisiana. A kid called Lee Harvey Oswald has just been born and looks a bit put out that someone has made him wear a yellow dress.

Welcome to Part One of the strangest story of them all.

Ever since the assassination, the details of Oswald's childhood have been a rich source of speculation for researchers trying to understand him. Whether they're accusing him or defending him, there's a sense that the answers can be found in his formative years - that small actions here can be extrapolated into significant actions later.

For example, they point to the fact that his father died two months before he was born. This MUST have had a negative impact on his life, they argue.

They then psychoanalyse the mother - describing her as either a woman with good morals, doing what she thought best, or a domineering matriarch, consumed with self-pity.

Consider this from Lee's step-brother -

"If Lee was guilty then he was aided with a little extra push from his mother in the living conditions that she presented to him."

The conditions he refers to are various stages of poverty and dislocation brought upon by Oswald's mother constantly moving around looking for work. Again, they point to the unsettling effect this must have had on the child and, to be fair, it's hard to argue with the basic facts -

During his childhood, Lee Harvey Oswald lived in 22 different places and attended 12 different schools.

So far so bad for the poor kid then - his family are basically accomplices to a future crime and his early life is the worst series of The Littlest Hobo ever.

If he’d had a jaunty theme tune maybe things would have turned out differently.

With the simplistic overview out of the way, researchers and investigators dig deeper into his life looking for evidence of violence or rebelliousness - some sort of Rosebud moment that helps their case.

Some of these are potentially damning - he once threatened his step brother's wife with a pocket knife and, when his mother tried to intervene, he punched her in the face.

Some are just funny - he once got kicked off the school football team because he said the coach's rules violated his constitutional rights.

And some are just bizarre.

Julian Evans, a family friend of the Oswald's, told The Warren Commission a story about how he once took the young Oswald fishing with a group of other boys. He said everyone else threw the little fish back in the river and took the big ones home for dinner. But Oswald, he's at pains to add, was different.

Apparently he lined up all the fish he caught on the bank of the river and just walked off, leaving them to die.

The point of such testimony, of course, is to make an orchestra suddenly start in your mind - a crescendo of low notes that damns Oswald and convinces you of his guilt. But can they be trusted? How many of these stories have since been told through the prism of what he has been accused of and coloured by confirmation bias?

Here’s another section of Evan’s testimony to illustrate the point –

Mr JENNER: Did you ever see Lee Oswald in any fits of temper, so to speak?

Mr EVANS: - No; I didn’t.

Ok, that’s good.

Mr JENNER: Did you ever observe anything about Lee Oswald that would lead you to believe that he had any propensity toward acts of violence on the person of anybody else?

Mr EVANS: - No

Even better, I reckon he’s definitely innocent now.

Mr JENNER: What other impressions did you have of this boy?

Mr EVANS – Well, I thought he was a psycho.

Oh.

Probably the best assessment of Oswald’s childhood comes from his time in New York in 1952.

At aged 13, he attended a junior high school in the Bronx only to find himself a figure of fun due to his southern accent and his “western clothes.” So, not for the first time, he decides that school isn’t really for him and, instead, spends his days riding the New York Subway and hanging out at the Bronx Zoo. It’s here that a truant officer finds him and he’s subsequently remanded to an institution called Youth House for psychiatric evaluation.

One of the doctors there described him as a “seriously detached, withdrawn youngster”. She further added that there was "a rather pleasant, appealing quality which grows as one speaks to him." For his part, the young Oswald confirmed that he felt there was a veil between him and other people that he preferred to keep intact. He blamed his mother for virtually everything, telling the doctors that he felt she never cared enough about him and that he was a burden to her. He also admitted to fantasies about being powerful and sometimes hurting and killing people. But when asked to elaborate on these, he told the doctors it was none of their business.

The initial report on him states -

“Lee has to be diagnosed as personality pattern disturbance with schizoid features and passive--aggressive tendencies. Lee has to be seen as an emotionally, quite disturbed youngster who suffers under the impact of existing emotional isolation and deprivation, lack of affection, absence of family life and rejection by a self-involved and conflicted mother.”

It concluded –

“Despite his withdrawal, he gives the impression that he is not so difficult to reach as he appears and patient, prolonged effort in a sustained relationship with one therapist might bring results. There are indications that he has suffered serious personality damage but if he can receive help quickly this might be repaired to some extent.”

Unfortunately, though, Lee never received the prescribed help he needed. One day his mother came to visit him and he said “I want to get out of here. There are people in here that have killed people, and smoke.”

Deciding that she’d had enough of doctors interfering with her son, they packed their bags again and returned to New Orleans - moving into a red light district of prostitution and low level gangsters.

That’s bound to help.

In future years, when that perennial question was asked – “Where were you when you heard JFK had been shot?” – it was the people in Dallas that had THE answer. And as we’ve seen so far, it was just the beginning of the stories they would tell.

“It was a heckle. Umbrellas are not a particular hobby of mine.”

“God put me there because I’ve got super eyesight.”

“I had a load of dark wigs back then and a prototype camera.”

The six seconds they witnessed would become the starting point for the rest of their lives whilst, yet again, the 24-year-old in the Texas School Book Depository was different – providing a testimony to these events that would be frustratingly brief and lacking any detail. Still, of all the characters in Dealey Plaza that day, he’s the one who deserves a backstory – the one that I want you to feel like you know before 12:30pm.

Not that it’s easy.

I’ve read so many accounts of Oswald’s early life now that it’s difficult to be certain of anything other than a sense of tragedy and a touch of empathy. At its most benign, the character that’s painted of the young Oswald is similar to my own experience through adolescence, as I’m sure it is for many other people. Even Bob Dylan, a month after the assassination, said that he saw a lot of himself in the accused assassin – a comment that sparked a huge controversy but was probably more reasoned than people gave it credit for.

Didn’t we all sometimes wear a veil when we were growing up?

Haven’t we all got our own version of the fish story if we zoom in on our own lives?

I know I have, which is probably why I find some of these stories amusing rather than damning. Maybe it’s me, but I’ve often paused to think about how his ex-football coach must have reacted to seeing Oswald in police custody in 1963.

“Here he goes, emphatically denying these charges and banging on about his constitutional rights again. He hasn’t changed much.”

Still, people are different. I guess that’s the point and, as I’ve said before, my imagination is prone to get in the way of the search for truth here.

My own sense of teenage estrangement passed because I was fortunate enough to benefit from a counter culture that catered for it. But Oswald had no such luxury, he’s stuck in 1953, listening to classical music because Psychocandy hasn’t been released yet. He’s 14, it’s the time in his life when he’s looking for external stimulation to define himself.

We know of two things that happened next.

Firstly, he went for a walk one day and an old woman on a street corner gave him a leaflet about a Jewish couple that were about to be executed for being communist spies. He follows this with a trip to the library and starts to read a series of books on Marxism.

Secondly, in October of 1953, a new television show premieres on American television called I Led Three Lives. Its main character was simultaneously a suburban husband, a member of the Communist Party, and a spy for the FBI.

It became Lee Harvey Oswald’s favourite TV show.

And it’s where we’ll leave him for now - glued to a programme whose message was that you could be anything to anyone.

Join us next week, when we head back to Dallas.

Martin Fitzgerald (@RamJfkClub)

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deathishauntedbyhumans · 7 years ago

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Courting Rituals

Jim and Bones just want each other to be happy with their respective partners. A cute little rp between friends.

Stranger: Bones, I need your expertise. JK

You: ...a highly suspicious way to begin a conversation when you're Jim Kirk, but I'll bite. LM What is it? LM

Stranger: What? Have I ever let you down? JK Vulcans. What do you know about them? JK

You: No, you haven't. That's the problem. LM Socially or medically? LM

Stranger: I always come through for you. JK Either would be nice. JK

Stranger: Me and Spock have been spending a lot of time together. JK

You: You're the Captain and First Officer. It would be a problem if you hadn't been. LM

Stranger: Not like that, Bones. JK

You: ...huh. LM Well, I have no idea how you stand him most of the time, but you've never exactly made sense. LM Vulcans are stubborn and incredibly secretive. It took goddamn years to get any medical knowledge about them, and even then, you have to have a specific clearance to get to some of it. It's, frankly, a little ridiculous. LM

Stranger: We mostly just play chess. but the fact that he gives me the time of day for it says a lot. JK Is there anything odd I should know? JK

Stranger: Besides him being, like, four times as strong as me. Because that is incredibly hot. JK

You: Jesus, kid. If there was ever a sentence I did not need to read, it was that one. I think I need to bleach my eyes. LM Has anything odd been happening? Besides him giving you the time of day, obviously. LM

Stranger: That was tame, compared to some of the stuff I could come up with. Goof to know you're so easy to mess with. JK I don't know what's normal for a Vulcan, that's why I'm asking you, doc. JK

You: Ugh. Disgusting. LM In all seriousness, Jim, any knowledge that I have is either negative or purely based on medical speculation or information. You have more practical knowledge than I ever want to. If Spock was acting differently, I think you'd know better than I would. LM

Stranger: Yes, how dare I be happy and attracted to someone. JK He's just been incredibly short lately. In his own way. I'm worried about him. JK

You: Exactly. Keep your happiness on your side of the ship. Some of us have reputations to uphold as grumpy old men. LM The one thing I've learned from being around Spock is that he's afraid of his own emotions. If you two are flirting around each other, I'd bet my last bottle of good bourbon that he doesn't know how to handle it. LM

Stranger: You know, all I have to do to shatter that is to ask about your daughter. You do love talking about her ;) JK He's better than you think. Or maybe he's just unaware that he's flirting. I was hoping you would know how Vulcans do this sort of thing. JK

You: Oh, shut up. Just because I love Jo doesn't mean I'm not a grumpy old man. LM Kid, the things that I know would curl your hair. LM If Spock was courting you, you'd know it. If Spock's FLIRTING with you, it's probably a different story. I mean, I doubt he'd be very good at it. Awkward silences, cautious touching. That sort of shit. LM What do YOU know about Vulcans? LM

Stranger: It's rather cute, how much you adore her. Really shatters the illusion, though. JK Considering I have nearly everything the other Spock knew in my head, probably a lot. I just don't want to go through that quite yet. JK Oh, there's plenty of that. I held his hand one time and I think it blew his mind. JK

You: [delay] Oh my god. LM

Stranger: What? JK

You: You held his hand? LM

Stranger: Yeah. JK And we talked. It was nice. JK

You: Right. Alright. LM Vulcan hands aren't like human hands, Jim. They're a lot more... sensitive. LM Gives a whole new meaning to the term "hand job." LM

Stranger: And no one thought to tell me this? JK

Stranger: That would explain a lot, actually. JK

You: I'm not about to go around explaining the nitty gritty of Vulcan biology to everyone on the goddamn ship, Jim. LM Do I dare ask? LM

Stranger: No, but you should to the guy who wants to sleep with him, idiot. JK If you couldn't handle me liking how he's strong, are you sure you want to know more? JK

You: No. I most certainly do not want to know more. Jesus. LM You should talk to him. Because if you've been this clueless, it might be time to have an enlightened conversation with the guy. Stubbornness or not. LM

Stranger: Come on. Might be fun. JK Alright. I will talk to him. What do I say? JK

You: Well, you might wanna start by letting him know you didn't mean to handsex him. LM Or maybe you did, and you start with that. Just please... don't tell me about it. LM

Stranger: You're reading too much into this. If he could read my mind, then he knows I was only thinking about him. JK

You: You sound like a bad romance holo. LM Then... I don't know, Jim, tell him that you want to stop dancing around the fact that you're both head over heels for each other. LM

Stranger: Okay. I'm going to do this. JK

You: Good luck. LM Although I doubt you'll need it. Everyone on the ship has been betting on when you two will finally stop making goo-goo eyes at each other and go for it. LM

Stranger: Who's got money on us already having gone for it? JK

You: Chekov. Overexcited little ass. LM Sulu keeps telling him he's wrong. Chekov's positive you two are fucking behind everyone's backs. LM Quite an imagination he's got, that kid. LM

Stranger: You know how I melded with old Spock? JK I saw a lot of things I don't think he intended me to see. Including that the other Spock, was with the other me. JK

You: Huh. LM

Stranger: Yeah. JK

Stranger: He misses the other me more than anything. JK It's kind of screwed up. JK

You: Yeah. It is. LM But it's also out of our control, kid. LM

Stranger: Alright. I'm going to do it. JK Going to message him. JK

You: Good luck, kiddo. LM

Stranger: [Delayed] It went a bit better than expected. JK

You: Oh? LM

Stranger: Much better. JK

You: How so? LM Do I want to know? LM

Stranger: He's sleeping next to me. So yeah. JK And I have /bruises/. The good kind ;) JK

Stranger: So who wins the pot now? JK

You: Uhura and I. Sulu might also be in the running, I've gotta check. LM

Stranger: You people are awful. JK You do know that Sulu is sleeping with Chekov, right? JK

You: Believe me, I know. LM I won that pot, too. LM

You: Although I might have cheated a little, since Sulu came in for a screening of his own volition and may or may not have mentioned it. LM

Stranger: That's the Bones I know and love. JK You ever going to ask your head nurse out? JK

You: Jesus, Jim. Can't a guy just be lonely for the rest of his life? LM I'm an old man. LM

Stranger: She likes you. You obviously like her. JK Come on. JK

You: I'm too old for her. She deserves better. LM

Stranger: You're not that old. JK And she's not a kid. JK

You: No, but she's a young woman who deserves better than anything I can offer. LM We were talking about you, not me. LM

Stranger: For god's sake, just ask her. I'm sure she'd love to go out with you. JK I know for a fact she would. JK

You: Drop it, Jim. LM

Stranger: I'm going to kick your ass until you do it. JK

Stranger: Leonard, you need to get your life in order. JK

You: My life is as ordered as it needs to be, thank you very much. LM

Stranger: Self-pity is a horrible look on you. JK

You: I've looked the same for years. Glad you see things my way. LM

Stranger: Let yourself be happy. JK

You: Maybe someday. Not today. LM

Stranger: Why not? JK

You: You're happy today. If there's too much happy on one ship, it'll explode. LM

Stranger: Ha ha. JK

You: No, really. It's a scientific fact. LM

Stranger: The other version of you was far more ballsy. JK

You: Glad to hear it. LM Shouldn't you be basking in the afterglow or some shit? LM

Stranger: I'm going to talk to her for you. JK Oh, we are. He says you're bring illogical. JK

You: Don't you dare. LM Great. Tell him he's illogical. LM

Stranger: I'll do it. JK He says that is no argument, and that you need to try, otherwise, you don't really have a reason to act depressed. JK I like him like this. JK

Stranger: I think you deserve to be happy. JK

You: And I think you're insane. We're all entitled to our opinions. LM Look, even if I wanted to do something about it, our ranks make it difficult. LM

Stranger: Who's going to tell on you? Certainly not anyone here. JK

You: If the admiralty finds out, we're all screwed. Both of us, you, probably Spock. LM

Stranger: Spock said the same thing to me. And I asked him how I could promote him, when he's one step below me. And it would be pretty obvious if I made him captain, and stepped down. JK So long as you aren't obviously playing favourites (which you aren't capable of), you're fine. I'll have your back. JK

Stranger: I break rules all the time. And I haven't been thrown out. JK

You: Yeah, well. You're Jim Kirk. LM

Stranger: What does that mean? JK

You: You've saved the universe, Jim. More than once. LM

Stranger: And they still hated that I broke rules doing it. JK

Stranger: My mother especially. JK

You: But you saved the universe anyways. They're not about to throw you out after something like that. Slap your wrist, yes. Throw you out? Not a chance. LM

Stranger: My mother wanted to. JK Then they offered me an admiral position. That's a fate worse than /death/. JK

You: Drama queen. LM

Stranger: A desk job would kill me. JK

You: You'd find some way to make it interesting. LM

Stranger: Sneaking onto another starship, yeah. JK I like what I do. You like what you do. JK

You: That's true. LM

Stranger: Even if you do complain constantly. JK

You: Like I said, I have a reputation to uphold. LM

Stranger: god forbid someone thinks you're nice. JK Though, Chapel does. JK

You: Jim. LM You really aren't going to let this go, are you? LM

Stranger: She really does, though. JK

You: And I'm sure she told you this, is that how you know? LM

Stranger: I might have overheard her talking with Uhura. JK

You: Seriously? LM

Stranger: Mhm. JK

You: Huh. LM

Stranger: Just go for it. JK

You: [long delay] I have a date. LM

Stranger: Told you. JK

You: I have a date. LM I. LM Have a date. LM An actual date. LM I'm pretty sure I've gone space mad. LM

Stranger: What did she say? JK

Stranger: What did you say? JK

You: I said that I would like to take her out on a date the next time we're planetside. LM And she said that she couldn't believe it took this long for me to ask. LM Am I crazy? I have to be. LM

Stranger: You two are about as subtle as spock and I. JK

Stranger: I told you she had noticed. She's not a Vulcan that doesn't understand 'mating rituals', as he calls it. JK

You: No one's as subtle as you two. I doubt we even come close. LM

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