#and it’s not about invalidating anyone’s grief

[alarrylarrie]

Sending love to all my fellow older fans. I was living on my own and working a grown up job when I landed in this fandom. One Direction was not apart of my childhood and I did not grow up with them in the same way a lot of other people did. None of that changes the devastation I feel over Liam’s death. No, a piece of my childhood did not die, but a piece of my heart sure did.

[haveihitanerve]

you know...

i see a lot of people showing comfort and sympathy to roland for having lost his wife, which i fully support. yes. he definetly deserves and needs the condolences,

but

people seem to forget that- curt was raised right alongside roland. they both knew caroline. roland married her, but curt knew her. and i feel like his grief is severly glossed over and just majorly ignored

[weirdly-specific-but-ok]

*pats mic* *screeching feedback* HI MAGGOTS WE ARE SO BACK

I know it's been a fuckall month for everyone, and I hope the victims are doing okay and healing, and I am sending all the love to you and as Good Omens Mascot here is what I say: Don't let the world take away something that makes you happy. Engage with it critically and mindfully sure but don't feel guilty for wanting that one safe space you had. Because the people of the community are still lovely, this fandom is still home to so many amazing folks, and hang in there. And you are allowed to feel grief, or anger, or confusion. It's not selfish to feel emotions, it's human. Take care of yourselves, first.

I love you. Anyone who shames you for having loved a show and invalidates your emotions will get their vertebrae eaten by me.

AND NOW I FEEL LIKE WE NEED A LITTLE HUMOUR IN OUR LIVES SO. When I was in high school I had a total of two jokes. You now have the privilege of hearing them.

1. Frogs say ribbit. What does a negative exponent say?

...flippit.

2. What does the brain say before the exam?

...I'm nervous.

You're welcome I know I'm a once in a life comedic genius and this hellsite was dead without me tooooootally.

I LOVE YOU (also college starts day after tomorrow I am fucked but dont worry about that)

[bioethicists]

beer killed my father . he had a disease which destroyed his body and strained his relationships with his wife, his friends, and his children. Alcohol destroys everything it touches, theres a reason you see so many liquor stores in poor neighborhoods. don’t be fucking obtuse. Prohibition obviously doesn’t work, but I wish alcohol was taxed higher. And i want the CEO of Heineken on the guillotine right after Jeff Bezos.

before anything, i want to let you know that i am incredibly sorry about your father. alcohol has decimated entire generations of my family, played a crucial role in the neglectful family structure i spent the first 19 years of my life suffering under, + played a minor but not insignificant role in my brother's death. i would never undermine or dismiss that in anyone.

i used to feel very similarly to you, in large part because my mother is a recovering alcoholic who raised me to believe that alcohol is a magic poison which turns people into monsters + i, being her child, probably inherited a disease which would also turn me into a monster if i chose to drink. it's a deeply painful + understandable response to the pain that alcohol can cause.

my first question is, does alcohol really "destroy everything it touches"? are there not millions of people who engage with alcohol, in varying degrees of recreational use, who experience minimal or no negative impacts? or do you believe that everyone who drinks alcohol in any capacity is experiencing severe destruction in their lives as a result? does the existence of people for whom alcohol enriches their lives (or is a neutral presence) at all invalidate your experience, or your father's?

my second question is, you've identified that there are 'so many liquor stores in poor neighborhoods' (i would add there is a lot of alcohol in rich neighborhoods, just distributed in less stigmatized ways, like boutique wineries + fancy bars), do you think that companies are strategically attempting to create alcohol dependencies among poor people, or do you think that poverty creates the pain, hopelessness, + desperation which can fuel an alcohol habit (which is then exacerbated by intergenerational trauma + community alcohol culture).

i feel no allegiance to liquor companies- they absolutely do make the bulk of their profits off of people who are drinking in a way that is destroying their lives (unsure if i trust the exact scope of the research in that link but i trust the gist). however, liquor companies love the disease model, because it exempts them from responsibility. if alcoholism is truly a genetic disease, then liquor companies, bars, package stores hold no fault in the development of destructive drinking habits + community norms (natasha Schüll discusses this in her book about gambling addiction)- the people were already sick + would be getting it somewhere else, anyway, right? but as you have correctly identified, liquor companies help create the structures which turn alcohol use into an accessible + normalized mode of self-destruction.

my third question is, will taxing liquor help the real problem? yes, it reduces alcohol consumption, but does it reduce addiction? or does it make cheapskates like me say "i'm not fucking paying for that" while individuals who consume alcohol compulsively either eat the cost or turn to more illicit ways of obtaining alcohol. or, rephrased, is the problem that alcohol is too accessible? is alcohol a magical poison which turns 'normal' people into 'alcoholics'? alternatively, is alcoholism a genetic condition, unrelated to any outside circumstances, which is triggered by drinking?

or: is alcoholism one of many ways in which people who are experiencing hopelessness, pain, grief, poverty, trauma, etc use to numb themselves, harm themselves, + make life feel more bearable? at this point, i do believe there is at least a temperament factor which makes people more likely to use substances over other forms of escape (hence why my brother used substances while i turned to anorexia + do not struggle with substance use). are we actually addressing the problem if we make it more expensive (thus, mind you, further impoverishing people with alcohol addictions!)? or are we shifting the pain these people are experiencing to either other avenues (opioids, other drugs, totally different ways of coping which are often just as destructive) or an unregulated, underground alcohol market.

the way you are viewing alcohol, alcohol is a unique substance which is manufacturing or feeding illness in people in order to make them behave in ways which destroy their lives + the lives of others. the way i am viewing it, alcohol is a presence which can fill a void that is being created in people's lives as a response to structural, communal, or social suffering. when alcohol is painted as the cause of this pain, we are able to look the other way from a which world is structured to cause an immense amount of people to suffer needlessly. at the same time, the common sense observation that many of us engage with alcohol in ways which do not destroy our lives, as well as the knowledge that prohibition does not work, prevents the erasure of alcohol from public or private life.

who benefits from the belief that alcohol is a uniquely corrupting substance? what lessons did we actually learn from prohibition- is trying to do it to a lesser degree (make alcohol less accessible) actually going to do anything? when the price of opioids went up due to dea crackdowns, did people stop buying opioids or did the market flood with cheap + deadly fentanyl? is the problem that people are drinking or that they are suffering?

[detectivekirigirislays]

honestly for people who think that chap 429 will be an "epic izuocha confession scene/shipping moment", ur automatically disrespecting and disregarding toga's sacrifice, ochako and izuku's feelings and pains, and both characters' developments in general.

chapter 428 is a chapter of GRIEF. ochako forces out a smile and covers up her pain, but eventually she lets all these tears out because she can't stop thinking about the girl who showed her genuine and pure love, a girl who sacrificed their blood and their life for ochako. she's crying over HIMIKO TOGA.

I'M NOT SAYING IT'S A TOGACHAKO CANON SCENE EITHER, but i'm saying that as of the moment, what's in ochako's mind isn't romance, crushes, or anyone else, it's about grieving the loss of HIMIKO TOGA.

SHE JUST LOST SOMEONE IMPORTANT TO HER! SOMEONE SHE WILLINGLY REACHES OUT TO! SOMEONE SHE WAS WILLING TO GIVE A LIFETIME'S WORTH OF BLOOD! SOMEONE SHE GENUINELY SAW FOR WHO THEY WERE! of course she will be devastated and grieving, of course she will be crying and clutching her stomach in pain and agony, BECAUSE SHE'S BEEN SUPPRESSING HER PAIN!

izuku would not EVER take advantage of ochako's emotional vulnerability nor will ochako most likely ever confess about her feelings for izuku either, because neither of them think that way: ochako needs a support system, not a confession, not a situation to be forced to confess any romantic feelings, BUT A FRIEND. A FRIEND THAT WILL COMFORT HER.

why would you think izuku is there to confess? that's so fucking stupid. izuku is obvs worried not because "ohhh, he likes her!", but because she's one of his BEST FRIENDS, HIS CLOSEST FRIENDS. OF COURSE HE'LL BE WORRIED? OF COURSE HE'S GOING TO CARE?

AGAIN, I'M NOT INVALIDATING ANY SHIPS! I cannot say whether which ship will be canon and whatnot, but imo, i fully believe that this chapter and the next will not be an izuocha confession, not a romantic scene, but just two teens, two best friends suffering the loss of their villains, and a broken girl coming to terms and acceptance of losing the villain who remains in the back of her mind at all times.

[dukeofdelirium]

I saw this anti-Kataang post saying Katara is 14 going on 25 and Aang is 12 going on 8. And honestly this really pissed me off, the invalidation of Aang’s trauma and the adultification of Katara honestly grosses me out. It’s such a shameful mischaracterization and flanderization of both characters. Zutara stans like these are such fake fans, they don’t care about the show, they don’t care about Katara just their own fanfic version of Katara they can project onto.

https://www.tumblr.com/linnoya-writes/708121534055759872/kataang-but-its-only-a-2-year-age-difference?source=share

imma be real this is the weirdest shit I ever read 😭

“Aang plays with Momo while the other kids drink TEA like sophisticated ADULTS and play GAMES that require CRITICAL THOUGHT !!!! REEEEE”

Aang knows how to play pai sho…… we literally saw him playing it in book 1 episode 12: The Storm…. Fuckin moron @ OP 🤦🏻‍♂️

Also the weird commenting on what Aang would theoretically know about genitalia and sex is … odd…. And it’s also so strange to me that people think Aang would be some naive idiot who knows nothing about the world let alone about sex at his age.

The air nomads were very sexually open in ways that none of the other cultures are in ATLA. This is canon. They were a sexually free people, lol. So saying that Aang would have no concept of these things because he’s too “immature” to know about it is not aligning with what we know of his people and culture. We also know that Katara and Aang married and had a child together when they were pretty young, so… this whole argument is so strange lmao. Adding onto this, Aang traveled the world and frequently at that and we can assume he did so solo. He had way more life experience and knowledge by the age of 12 than Katara or Sokka combined, who had never even set foot outside their village. If any of these two characters is naive about sexuality and all it encompasses, it would in fact be Katara…. Who grew up in a village without men aside from her brother… lol. Aang traveled everywhere, he probably was friends with plenty of girls and I’m sure Katara wasn’t his first kiss, either given these facts.

Their argument is “Aang doesn’t know about female anatomy” which is implying he is unfit to date her on the grounds he couldn’t “please” her. However, as I already showed, this would very likely not be the case given Aang’s culture and people and everything we know of his life pre iceberg.

If anyone doesn’t know about sex and genitalia, it would be Katara. 100%. She literally grew up in an isolated village with no males aside from her brother. She would have virtually no concept of male puberty or male anatomy. Lol. So what’s the argument here? Is Katara now “unfit” for Aang because she grew up isolated from men? See how easy that was to flip their bullshit? 😭

And no, the point isn’t whether he knows or not, OP. The only reason anyone is considering this in the first place is because you argued the point. Yknow, because normal people don’t rlly think about this in regards to cartoon characters.

It’s honestly so bizarre to me how ppl act like Aang is the naive, stupid and sheltered child in the show when in reality, Aang was already self sufficient as a 12 year old. He traveled, cooked for himself and cared for himself during said travels, he knew of other cultures intimately, he knew a lot of history, he was already a master of his native element, etc…. That doesn’t sound like a naive child to me. Aang doesn’t act silly and goof off because he’s stupid. It’s both an aspect of his carefree personality and also a conscious choice and coping mechanism from trauma and grief and survivors guilt.

And anyway, Katara thinks of Aang’s carefree nature in a very positive light. She likes this about him.

I’m also never gonna understand the argument of “she grew up in war” as if Aang didn’t fight alongside her in that very war as a kid, too. Yeah, he had 12 years before that, but who gives a fuck? He also suffered far more loss than Katara or anyone for that matter, and that is objective fact.

[heal-the-ashes]

i'm thinking about pl and—like always—i get emotional after anything regarding this series. these stories. the ebb and flow of cherished laughs and pained expressions, the give and take of funny dialogues and heartbreaking reveals. when the end credits songs just wash over the entire experience with additional thoughts (usually angst-y in my case). when you've realized the story you just witnessed and the story that you felt apart of will stay with you for times that seem ephemerally immemorial...

[Slight Miracle Mask and Unwound Future Spoilers near the end]

these games don't show happiness and sadness. they don't show the positives and negatives of how a scene should flow. they don't just have dialogue and action and tone and intonations. 

they have perseverance amidst tragedy, the rose within the thorn, the sun within the bleak clouds. they show that everyone in this series is human. they somehow made me feel—and not in some type of pity way—for those npcs who were stuck on what i thought was the easiest puzzle in the world. there was no humiliation, no real sense of judgement. there was respect and patience and... and there was disappointment, only in one's self. there was no invalidity of emotions. yes, there were invalid actions, but i don't have a single memory of anyone saying another character was stupid for feeling a certain way. there was passive acceptance all around and across the series, there was no stuck-up sounding laughter; no one (to my memory) ever called another stupid for messing up.

and hershel layton is one of the most human characters i have ever seen. 

i saw a fanart that consisted of hershel in different stages of life. it made me emotional, because: 

in each stage of his life that was depicted there… it wasn't growing up. it wasn't milestones of age, it wasn't certain accomplishments in his character. it showed each time he has lost someone. and god does it break my heart to see and realize that he. is still. here. the amount of pain PL characters have gone through just breaks my heart.

and i am so glad and so honestly inspired to know that. and i feel so awful for thinking my problems are bad when i look at the greatest person to ever exist in media ever, who was shaped by traumas far beyond my own. and that is not an understatement: i genuinely believe professor hershel layton is my favorite character in any media. because he and his games tell you that there is more to life than pain. and it is a lesson that i am so glad that i can finally see someone else tell.

miracle mask and unwound future are two of my favorite games because they're the games that tell the audience that he is human. it reveals how he despises—he loathes, he hates—… not emotions. no, not sadness, not regret, not remorse, not disappointment, not pain. no, none of that. 

he hates certain parts of himself. he hates how he dealt with grief. he hates it when he's shown with "proof" that he's gone and done the very thing he swore not to ever do. he doesn't even hate anyone else even though he has so much right to. he should've cussed out bronev off screen. he should've yelled at bill hawks. he shouldn't of saved clive but god what did he do. he saved clive. he saved randall. 

oh, how love is a weapon. this is it. this is one of the greatest examples of how love is a weapon in storytelling. it's not even platonic love between the characters, its the love the audience has for the characters. stories like these twist this and they do it well. but, anyway—

when i was younger, i thought hershel layton was foolish. i thought he was stupid. i used to think: "what is he doing? someone hurts him, why doesn't he want to hurt them back? what's wrong with him that he doesn't want revenge?"

i couldn't of been more... wrong about how he sees the world.

no, he's the one of the greatest persons i've ever seen in media. i've learned so much from him and the PL series as a whole. i've learned something from each and every character. [what i learned from bronev and bill hawks is just to not be them.] 

layton is the kindest person i've seen. there is no earned malice anywhere near him. he doesn't purposefully aggravate others. he isn't mean, he's not one you'd call angry. he's patient and understanding, and he was made from pain. 

if every person was at least a little bit like him, i think the world would be a better place. a place where no one has to be made from pain.

[ginnsbaker]

Bulletproof - Alternative Ending

Summary: Starts immediately after Chapter 5 where you unwittingly sacrificed yourself to keep Wanda alive.

Word count: 5k+ | Tags: Angst and character death(s) | Ship: Wanda Maximoff x Gender Neutral Reader

Author's Note: This was suggested by @dogsandlife, and I'm super glad for it because I was already toying with this idea. I just couldn't bring myself to hurt most of you so I went ahead with the other plot. But for my angst-loving readers, I hope you enjoy this alternative ending :)

Series Masterlist

-

The compound is anything but quiet. 

One can hear hushed whispers, the shuffling of feet, and the distant drones of machines. It's not loud, but there's a heavy feeling in the air. Grief. Everyone's dealing with the recent destruction—surgeries, reports, nights where sleep just didn’t come. Death. 

Today's supposed to help them find some closure, but it's obvious a lot of them aren't there yet.

Steve stands at Wanda's door, fist raised. He hesitates, almost knocking a few times, but eventually just taps softly with his knuckle on the wooden panel. “Wanda?” he asks, trying to sound as normal as possible.

Nothing.

She hasn't been seen since the first night they arrived at the other base, where Wanda went straight to the room she was assigned to. The only clue that she's still managing is that Vision leaves food outside her door every day, and when he returns later in the day, most of it remains untouched, but he can tell Wanda has taken at least a bite or two. 

It’s far from the ideal diet of an Avenger, which leaves Wanda being indisposed in the meantime; though the rest of the team was successful in neutralizing and the people who masterminded the attack on the compound two weeks ago. 

Out of concern for how she might react, especially given how deeply your loss affected her, the team has kept this news from Wanda. They want to ensure the prisoners are safely relocated to a hard-to-track location before she learns of it. There's a shared apprehension that if Wanda discovers this prematurely, she might take matters into her own hands.

Steve senses that Wanda might already be aware, and her chilling silence may not just be due to grief. Part of it could stem from her resentment towards the team for withholding the information, preventing her from seeking the second thing she desires most after having you back—revenge.

(What Wanda yearns for the most is your return, but that's a reality no longer possible in this universe.)

Despite this, Steve pushes on, “The ceremony's about to start. Everyone's waiting. We don’t want to start without you. They were important to all of us, but I get that they were even more to you.”

The stillness from the other side of the door is almost suffocating.

Steve’s voice becomes impossibly softer as he tries again, “Wanda, I can't imagine how you feel right now. But we're here for you. We're family, remember?”

Steve strains his ears, hoping to catch the faintest whisper from Wanda, but the only sound that meets him is the steady hum of the central air conditioning. Time drags on awkwardly, and just when Steve is about to leave, a faint, broken voice emerges from the room. 

“They're gone, Steve.”

Swallowing hard, Steve nods, voice thick. “I know, Wanda. I know.”

He does know. Perhaps more than anyone on the team, save for Natasha. He's experienced profound losses throughout his life: his best friend, the woman he loved, even time and an entire era.

He wants to impart all of these to Wanda, but he’s afraid of invalidating the pain that Wanda’s feeling right now. 

And so, a brief, quiet moment passes between them before Steve rejoins the others.

-

The scene is chaos—the aftermath of unimaginable power unchecked.

Dust fills the air, and broken debris is scattered everywhere. The once-familiar corridors of the team's quarters are now unrecognizable. Everything is obliterated. The structure has been reduced to fine dust, making it impossible to discern that the remnants were once beds or lamps. Not even sound escaped her wrath.

The others soon rush in, Steve, Natasha, and Sam at the forefront. The sight that greets them is unlike anything they’ve ever seen before. Everything is utterly pulverized, and at the epicenter is Wanda, holding your limp body close to her.

For a moment, the scene before them leaves them at a loss for words, until Steve's gaze locks onto you, covered in blood with your arms hanging lifelessly. Steve radios the others, quickly outlining the situation. He struggles to describe it without revealing the full extent of Wanda’s powers, of which they were previously unaware.

Sam surveys the area for potential threats. “All clear!” he announces, not realizing the hidden danger masked by the visage of a mourning ally. Steve, however, spots it immediately from a distance.

The situation isn't volatile due to enemies nearby.

It's volatile because of Wanda.

“Wanda, what happened?” Natasha ventures, attempting to cut through the escalating tension. Yet Wanda's eyes stay locked on you, murmuring unintelligibly under her breath.

“Wanda!” Natasha's voice sharpens with alarm. “Snap out of it!”

But Wanda refuses to budge, ensnared in her own maelstrom of anguish and remorse. As her hands begin to glow with a familiar red hue, she whispers, her lips curling in a crazed half-smile, “I can save you.” 

Recognizing the imminent danger of Wanda's erratic powers, Natasha lunges forward to intervene. “Wanda, no!”

Her plea is met with an almost tangible wave of force. The sheer power from Wanda's emotions sends Natasha hurtling backwards, taking her off her feet. Recognizing both the immediate peril and a fleeting chance, Steve reacts without hesitation. He gathers you into his arms, holding you close to shield you, and makes a break for the Quinjet's safety.

Sam, after a momentary stagger, hurries over to Natasha's side. He extends a hand, helping her to rise. Together, they turn their attention back to Wanda, eyes fixed as they witness the raw display of her struggle, the internal battle to regain control over her formidable powers. Eventually, as if a storm subsides, Wanda's energy recedes. She collapses, emotionally and physically spent. Her eyes glisten with tears that soon spill over. 

“I—I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry…” Wanda stammers, bringing a hand to her mouth in horror at her actions.

Natasha cautiously approaches, ignoring the lingering pain from her fall. She carefully wraps an arm around Wanda, offering what comfort she can. “It’s okay,” she whispers, trying to sound more confident than she feels.

Sam surveys the scene, taking in the devastation and recognizing that not all of it was the enemy's handiwork. “We can't stay here,” he warns urgently. “We'll have company soon, and not the kind we want.”

Emerging from the Quinjet, Steve's motions for them to hurry. “Let’s go. Y/N needs help. Now.”

Natasha quickly takes in Wanda's dazed state and knows she needs to act. “Come on, we need to move,” she says, gently guiding her friend by the arm toward the jet.

As they get closer, Natasha throws a glance over her shoulder at Sam. “You coming?”

He hesitates, scanning the area. “I'm staying. Someone's got to help out here.”

She looks like she wants to argue, but with everything going on, she just nods, helping Wanda up the ramp. As the jet's engines ignite and they ascend, Sam's focus shifts back to the ground, the sheer magnitude of Wanda's episode hitting him. A distance away, he spots a few incinerated bodies, possibly caught in the sphere of Wanda’s wrath. Walking cautiously among the fallen, a chilling realization dawns on him: he can't tell who was with them and who was against. Allies and enemies, all indistinguishably mixed in the wake of Wanda's powers.

He feels a knot in his stomach. “Oh, Wanda,” he murmurs to himself, “what happened here?”

-

Though the clear skies suggest fair weather, the ceremony feels grim, leaving behind an eerie atmosphere that steadfastly clings to the hallways and corners you once roamed. All attendees are dressed in their finest black attire, but the pristine garments can't hide the profound sadness of the occasion.

Everyone is present except for a seat in the first row. Every now and then, Steve's eyes would drift toward the entrance, half-hoping, half-dreading that Wanda might walk in. The funeral begins with a brief sermon from a priest, despite no one being certain of your religious beliefs. Yet, it's protocol. It has always been the manner in which they bid farewell to a comrade, so everyone quietly follows suit.

Each of the Avengers, save for Wanda, takes a turn at the podium, sharing humorous and touching stories about you. They all wear the same regret and guilt on their faces, wishing they could have done more, could have treated you better, could have gotten to know you more. The eulogies are largely light in tone, and it's unclear whether it's because they wish to remember you fondly or if their bond with you was merely superficial and insincere.

Except for Daisy, the last person to speak, who seems to be taking it particularly hard. She gets choked up talking about how you took her under your wing, always sharing what you knew and helping her train. And when she needed a place to sleep, you gave her your own bed. She returns to her seat, tears silently streaming, and there's a brief, uneasy moment when no one steps in to comfort her.

They all glance around, seeking out Wanda. Their eyes eventually land on Steve, who simply responds with a solemn shake of his head. 

The entire ceremony lasts just under an hour. As the last notes of the eulogy fade and people start to head out, everyone gradually returns to their routine. For many, it's the last time they'll reflect or speak about you.

That same night, as Steve is about to wind down in his office, lost in thought, Vision phases through the wall. There's a resigned expression on Vision's face, momentarily making Steve forget that he isn't human. Reflecting later, Steve appreciates how Vision's virtue and outlook are more human-like than many individuals he's encountered throughout his life.

“Captain Rogers,” he starts, “Wanda has…chosen to sequester herself in Y/N's former cell.”

Steve looks up sharply, a crease forming on his brow. “Why would she do that?” 

He had anticipated something like this might occur, but he's baffled as to why Wanda would choose your old cell over your bedroom, where all your belongings still remain.

“I can't say I fully grasp the intricacies of the human heart, but maybe she's looking for a connection or a spot to grieve. Y/N’s room, with all its memories, might just be too overwhelming for her,” Vision offers, seemingly reading Steve's thoughts.

Hearing this, Steve glances at the approval document he must sign, allowing the compound's admin office to begin clearing out your bedroom. He's been putting off signing it, thinking Wanda might need more time with your belongings around. But now he wonders if erasing traces of you might help her come to terms with the loss.

Steve considers Vision’s words for a moment before nodding slowly. “Thanks, Vision. I'll go see her.”

-

Wanda is glued to your side, her fingers so tightly interwoven with yours that it's hard to tell where one hand ends and the other begins. Every now and then, she gently squeezes, perhaps hoping to feel a reassuring squeeze back. Her face is contorted, every line etched deep with raw pain, her eyes wet and reddened from endless tears. She looks at your hand, pale and devoid of its usual warmth, resting lifelessly in her grip.

But it's the faint, almost timid pulsation under her touch that keeps her from completely breaking down. Each breath you take is slow and labored, barely noticeable. But the quiet beep of the monitors serves as a constant reminder that there's still life within you. From time to time, she leans in, pressing her ear close to your chest, cherishing the gentle thud of your heartbeat, willing you to hold on just a little longer.

A while later, a group of nurses and doctors rush in, ready to prep you for surgery. Their hands move with purpose, reaching for various instruments and adjusting the array of machines beside your bed. That’s when, as if propelled by an invisible force, equipment flies off tables, and a few of the medical staff are pushed back against the walls. A nurse, caught off-guard, drops a syringe, its contents spilling onto the pristine floor. 

Natasha, having been alerted by the commotion, slips into the room, swiftly placing herself between Wanda and the medical staff.

“Wanda,” she implores cautiously, her eyes seeking the sorceress's, “let them do their job. He needs them.”

For a moment, it seems like she might snap, but then her gaze drops to the floor, tears spilling. As soon as they feel it’s safe, the medical staff decide that they need to move you immediately. The wheels of your bed squeak in protest as they begin to shift it out of the room.

Wanda's grip tightens on your hand, her knuckles white. She tries to follow, as if an invisible cord binds her to you. She mutters, almost inaudibly, “I won't leave them.”

One of the nurses, recognizing the precarious situation and the potential for Wanda's powers to erupt again, glances around hesitantly. They're all clearly apprehensive about telling Wanda she can't accompany you. It’s just in time that Steve finally arrives, quickly taking in the scene before him.

“Kid, it’s okay,” he murmurs quietly.

She turns to him, her eyes a storm of emotion, as she pleads, “No, it’s not. I need to be with them.”

“It’s not,” he confirms, offering her a sympathetic look. “But right now, they need to do their job. We have to trust them.”

But her grip on your hand doesn't loosen.

With a deep breath, Steve gently pries her fingers away from yours. It's a slow, agonizing process, each finger unlocking a fresh wave of sobs from Wanda. She resists, but Steve’s reassuring grip gives her no choice. Finally, as your hand slips away from hers, the reality of the situation hits anew.

As the medical team wheels you out of the room, Wanda collapses into Steve's arms, her cries a haunting sound in the tenebrous hallways of the hospital.

The long hours of surgery find Wanda staring into the void, her eyes wavering yet alert, even as exhaustion begins to bear down on her. A few feet away, a wall clock ticks on, displaying the agonizingly slow passage of time. She's acutely aware of each second, each minute, as they stretch into what feels like eons. Occasionally, her fingers would twitch, itching to do something, anything, to change the course of events. But they remain clenched in her lap, her knuckles white from the pressure.

Wanda isn't accustomed to the drawn-out dread of potentially losing someone. Her parents were taken away in an instant. Pietro saved Clint in a split-second, paying with his life. So, when the surgeon finally emerges, the expression on his face already giving away the news, Wanda can't stand it. She bolts.

Outside, the cold night air hits her, but she hardly feels it. Her feet carry her to a secluded spot in the hospital's garden, where the shadows from the trees envelope her. She sinks to the ground, her hands digging into the grass, seeking some form of grounding.

The rest of the team, still in the waiting room, exchange worried glances. Steve takes a step forward, as if to follow, but Natasha places a gentle hand on his arm.

“She needs a minute,” Natasha says quietly.

While they give Wanda time to process, the surgeon starts explaining the details, the clinical terms merging with the reality of what happened. The Avengers might face world-ending threats on a daily basis, but this personal loss, this kind of pain, hits different.

Little do they know that in the distance, Wanda's grief is causing ripples that are about to change everything.

-

Making his way through the maze of hallways, Steve's steps slow as he approaches the familiar penitentiary. He nears the familiar cell door, taking a moment to brace himself before nudging it open just slightly.

Inside, the room is dim, with just a small lamp fighting off the darkness. It's chilly, the sort of cold that seems to seep into your bones. There, on the simple bed, is Wanda, curled up and looking so small and vulnerable. Pushing the door open just a touch more, Steve walks in silently and sits beside Wanda. He doesn't say anything, instead he allows Wanda to acclimatize to his presence, to give her space and time to figure out that she’s not alone in this, never was.

After what seems like an eternity, Wanda, without looking at Steve, simply murmurs, “It's cold here.”

Steve just nods, at a loss for words. He takes off his jacket, trying to wrap it around her shoulders for comfort. But Wanda pushes it away, letting it drop to the ground. Steve clenches his jaw, recognizing that right now, reasoning with Wanda might be impossible.

Several beats pass before Wanda finally speaks up. “It should have been me,” she says, her voice as steely as the temperature of the room. “I should be the one in that grave.”

“Don't say that,” Steve insists, carefully placing a hand on her tense shoulder. “You couldn't have known.”

Wanda's eyes blaze with anger and sorrow. “I allowed it, Steve. I allowed Y/N to help me, to heal me. I let them drain their life to give to me.” Her voice wavers, and she trembles visibly. Steve can feel warmth where he's holding her but trusts that she won't lose control. “If Y/N hadn't found me, I'd be as good as dead. But now... they're gone, and I'm here.”

“Wanda, look at me,” he mutters, placing another hand on her other shoulder and twisting her gently so she can properly face him. His blue eyes seek out hers but she refuses to meet his gaze, eyes transfixed on the floor, lost and empty. “We make choices everyday. Choices that we think are for the best. You couldn't have predicted this outcome. None of us could.”

She angles her head, strands of hair partially covering her face, but one eye peeks through with a dangerous glint. “I let them step into danger, more than once. So try and tell me it's not on me.”

Steve, visibly unsettled, takes a ragged breath. “Wanda, I know it’s hard to understand now, to accept that what happened to Y/N is beyond your control. But we're all here for you, and if you need—”

“I don't want or need your help, Steve,” she retorts with an icy edge. “What I need is to be alone.”

Seeing the resolute, almost manic determination in her eyes, Steve hesitates before nodding slowly. “Alright,” he says.

“But remember this, Wanda,” Steve says, pausing at the threshold of the cell, a deep sadness in his eyes. “Y/N wouldn't want you to be alone, especially not like this.”

Wanda's lips twitch into a bitter smile. “What Y/N wanted doesn't matter now, does it? They're gone.”

Steve doesn't say anything else. He gives Wanda a long look, then walks out.

-

The pain is worse when she dreams.

In one of them, she relives a reality from before. She's transported back to a familiar morning. She remembers waking up in your room, the warmth of the sheets reminding her of the night before. Trying to push away her burgeoning feelings for you, she recalls inviting a stranger into her room, sharing some wine. But as he got closer, she pushed him away, realizing he wasn't what she truly wanted.

In her dream, she does things differently. Instead of slipping away like she did in reality, she lingers. She takes the time to study every detail of your face as you sleep—the freckles on your nose, the subtle movement of your lips as you mumble incoherent dreams, the occasional twitch of your eyelids. She gives in to an urge she had suppressed for the longest time, wrapping her arms around your waist, drawing you close. 

After what feels like hours, you stir. When you open your eyes, there's a brief moment of surprise before your lips curve into a soft, genuine smile, happy to see she's still there. Your fingers reach up, gently caressing her cheek. She leans into it, eyes closing for a moment as she takes in the sensation. “You stayed,” you murmur, your voice soft and filled with wonder.

Just as she's on the verge of promising to always stay by your side, Wanda jolts awake. Her smile fades the instant she grasps that it was all an illusion, a fleeting could-have-been.

The knife in her chest buries itself a little deeper after that. It does so again the following morning when she dreams of another memory, and in every version, she doesn't turn away from you.

- 

One day, a woman approaches Wanda, offering to help her uncover the secret to inhabiting her dreams.

“Not merely dreams,” the woman clarifies, “but alternate realities.” Her name is Agatha, and she persuades Wanda that these realities are rightfully hers, waiting for her to claim them. Desperate for a way to be with you again, even if it's in another reality, Wanda listens intently.

“Each reality is like a page in a book. Some might be nearly identical to yours, with just a slight deviation. Others could be drastically different. The key is knowing how to navigate and control them,” Agatha explains.

"How?" Wanda questions, hands buried in the pockets of her jacket, walking alongside Agatha on a nondescript street in Westview, New Jersey. She'd made her way there upon discovering you'd purchased property, curious to envision the life you'd planned for yourself, had you lived.

“It's not as simple as snapping one's fingers,” Agatha says. “But with the right guidance and knowledge, you can access these realities, live in them, even mold them to your desires.”

Wanda hesitates, sensing the potential dangers of meddling with the fabric of existence. “What's the price?” she asks. 

Agatha doesn't look too pleased with Wanda's display of intelligence and her knack for spotting the early signs of manipulation. But she gets the feeling that Wanda might not care if she's being used, as long as she gets what she wants out of it.

“Every powerful spell comes with its costs,” Agatha replies cryptically. “But isn't a chance to be with Y/N, to have a life where grief doesn't consume you, worth any price?”

Living day to day, clutching onto moments of happiness in her dreams, only to be jerked back into a reality she can't stand—it's wearing on Wanda. The dreams are great, sure, but they're just that—dreams. And when they're over, it's back to the harsh light of day, and the reality that you’re gone. She's stuck in this loop, bouncing between what she wishes her life could be and the real world that just won't let her catch a break. Every dream feels like a tease, a brief escape before she's pulled back into the grind.

“So? I don’t have all day, dear.” Agatha's tone is dripping with impatience, her sharp eyes fixed on Wanda.

Wanda swallows hard, her gaze darting around the empty street, as if cautious to anyone who might be eavesdropping on the conversation, before settling back on the older witch. “What do you want in return?”

A slow, sly smile spreads across Agatha's face, making the air around her grow even colder. She takes a deliberate step closer to Wanda, their faces now mere inches apart. “You’re a sly witch than I made you out to be, aren’t you?”

Wanda holds her ground. “I need to know.”

Agatha chuckles softly, her breath caressing Wanda's face. “We'll get to that,” she purrs, drawing the moment out just to relish Wanda's discomfort. She then leans in even closer, her voice dropping to a hushed, almost seductive whisper. “First, let's talk about how we can make your dreams come true.”

Wanda hesitates, torn between the desperation of her desires and the voice in her head urging her to decline the offer, to grieve and move forward like anyone else would.

To forget you.

“And why would I trust you?” Wanda counters instead, buying herself more time.

Agatha straightens up, her smile unwavering as she finally takes a step back. “Oh, darling, you shouldn’t. But sometimes, our wants make strange bedfellows. And right now, I'm the best chance you've got.”

-

Wanda's footsteps are hesitant as she approaches the rubble-strewn site, each broken brick and twisted piece of metal echoing memories of that fateful day. The boundaries between realities have always been thin for Wanda, a mere whisper away. And on the 436th day since your sacrifice, she finally musters the courage to cross them.

Witnessing it all from this vantage point—that of an observer—feels utterly surreal.

She remembers the pain, the slow dimming of consciousness, and the sensation of life slipping away. But in this reality, it was her other self who had been impaled, left to bleed out beneath the rubble. And you, who she loved dearly in every universe, had been spared.

Or at least, that’s how she intends it to happen for this reality.

Wanda's fingers twitch, and with a fierce concentration of her magic, she lifts the heavy boulder trapping her other self. A bright crimson glow surrounds it as it's lifted and tossed aside, revealing the horrific sight beneath.

The other Wanda is a haunting reflection of what she might have been, pale with trails of blood smeared across her lips. The fabric of her clothes is stained with the vivid red of her own blood, which pools around her. It's a sight that should send a wave of nausea through Wanda, but truthfully she feels nothing.

Gently, Wanda cradles the injured version of herself, her hands shaking as they brush away the dirt and blood from the other's face. She can't stop herself from checking for a pulse, even though ironically, she’s there to make sure it stops beating.

“Hey,” she murmurs, patting the alternate Wanda's cheek softly, urging her to focus. “Look at me.”

Slowly, those familiar eyes flutter open, clouded with pain. The shock and fear in them are palpable when they take in the sight of her savior—especially the distinct headpiece that marked her transformation into the Scarlet Witch.

“Who... are you?”

“I'm you,” Wanda says, and without waiting for a reply, sparing her other self the pain of speaking, she continues, “Y/N sacrificed so much for you. For us. They became our greatest pain, and our love. And they will be here any minute now.”

“W-What are you talking about—”

“They will be here to save you and make themselves vulnerable in the process. And they will die,” Wanda's breath hitches at that, causing her to pause momentarily. “You don’t want that, do you?”

Her fading counterpart shakes her head, tears streaming down her face.

“Good,” Wanda says, offering a comforting smile. “Then let go, and I’ll take care of Y/N. Okay?”

Without waiting for a response, Wanda turns the body in her embrace into red wisps that dance around her in the air. 

Then, aware that it'll only be moments before you reach the scene, Wanda morphs into the likeness of her younger self. She looks just like the other version, but without any injuries that might spur you into action.

“Wanda!” she hears your voice from a distance and her eyes water at the sound.

She's done the unimaginable, claiming the identity of this universe's Wanda, seconds after she erased her very existence. She takes deep, shaky breaths, trying to get into character. She needs you to believe it’s her, even though she’s forgotten herself how she used to be.

Your steps quicken, shoes crunching on rubble, until you're right in front of her, surveying her from head to toe, searching for any signs of injury. “Wanda...how?” Your eyes are wide, filled with disbelief and relief. “I thought I'd lost you.”

“I managed to shield myself just in time when—” She doesn’t get to finish her practiced response when you pull her into a tight embrace, and she leans into it, her body shaking with genuine sobs. Her face buries into the crook of your neck, feeling the warmth and familiarity of your smell and touch. It's a grounding sensation amidst the madness she has just endured and inflicted.

“It's okay,” you murmur, your voice trembling. “You're here now, and that's all that matters.” You can feel the dampness on your shirt where her tears have soaked through, and you tighten your grip around her.

“We need to get out of here,” you say, casting a glance around the ruins. “Let's find safety first, then we'll figure everything out.”

She nods, taking a deep breath to steady herself, wiping away her tears. “I'm sorry,” Wanda says, her voice catching in her throat.

“For what?” you ask, confused.

“For making you worry,” she says, avoiding your eyes. The guilt she feels is so much deeper than what you perceive, but now isn’t the time to delve into it. 

She only recalls the next moments when the bullets are headed your way minutes later. But this time, they don't touch you. Wanda swiftly neutralizes the assailants, and you stare, a mix of shock and awe at the display of her powers that appear to have been amplified overnight.

You blink, trying to process what you just saw. “Wanda, what was that? I've never seen you...”

“We need to move. Now,” Wanda interrupts, a hint of panic in her voice. She grabs your hand, tugging you forward roughly.

You resist for a moment, glancing around. "Don't we need to wait for the others?"

She glances back at the devastation she caused, her face drawn. "There’s no time. They're not coming.”

“But—”

“Please," she pleads, her eyes darting to the oncoming imaginary threats in the distance. “We'll figure it out once we're safe.”

It’s your weakness, your inability to say no to her, that makes you yield to her wishes. With one last uneasy look around, you let Wanda pull you away, but a slew of questions bubble up in your mind, waiting for a safer moment to be asked.

Wanda leads you somewhere faraway. 

In time, you cease to question her actions.

Gradually, the dreams stop haunting her nights.

But she finds herself unable to stop hunting for them every now and then.

[arcadiabaytornado]

Why do you believe Chloe brings up Rachel so often, and do you think it belittles her feelings for Max?

I know many people treat Chloe bringing up Rachel like she's talking about an ex to her new girlfriend, but I think it's more complicated than that. Rachel is missing. As far as Chloe knows, Rachel is still a part of her life, regardless of whether that's as a friend or something more complicated. It makes sense that she would tell Max about her since she says she wants all three of them to be friends if they find Rachel alive. So, I can easily see why Chloe would want Max to know more about her.

Outside of that, Chloe is also mourning, and in an odd way since she doesn't know if she's mourning a dead person or a person who chose to leave her. Of course she will think about Rachel when her absence is weighing heavy on her heart, and of course she will talk about her to her best friend, who understands her feelings better than anyone. If she can't express her grief to Max, of all people, then who can she really talk to?

Now, onto your second question, which I find really interesting.

More Undercut

I find it interesting because it highlights the difference between fandom spaces and irl spaces. In real spaces, it's common for someone to love more than one person. Sometimes, a person's five-year relationship ends, and a few years later, they date someone new and fall in love with them. That doesn't mean they didn't feel love in their entire five years together, but it also doesn't mean they don't love their current partner. It just means they've loved more than one person.

However, in fandom spaces, a character needs to have a "one true love." They aren't supposed to feel love more than once, and if they did, then it isn't supposed to be as meaningful as what they have with their current partner. It's supposed to be a cheap knock off of love until they find their "real" partner...but that's not really realistic in every scenario.

Chloe genuinely loved Rachel. Rachel was her angel who was there for her at the hardest point in her life, and that's also true for Max. Max saved her and was there when Chloe needed her desperately, and Chloe loves her too. Chloe has SUCH a big heart. If anyone could love so deeply and find it in herself to love that deeply again, it would be Chloe Price. The girl who put her life on the line to give Rachel answers about her Mother and the girl who offered her life for a town that hated her so Max wouldn't have to live with the guilt. If ANYONE could love twice, it would be Chloe. I have no doubt about that.

So no. I don't think it invalidates her relationship with Max even slightly. Not when she has such a big heart that has more than enough room for both Rachel and Max.

[bloodcossmos]

felt the need to compile some of my opinions and analyses on arcane s2 regarding caitvi and their development so far. I've either seen diehard vi fans calling cait a bitch or diehard caitlyn fans calling vi useless and that's just not it.

spoilers for season 2 under the cut ‼️

okay so first of all. we cannot keep ignoring the fact that cassandra's death was a determining factor for caitlyn's change of temper. she is RAGING. UNSURE. INCONSOLABLE. as any normal person would, caitlyn is deeply affected by this. it is simple, textbook grief. anyone can feel it in their lifetime, everyone is allowed to mourn. BUT‼️understanding grief does NOT mean you have to justify the coping mechanisms used to deal with it. the fact that caitlyn's first instinct after the memorial attack was to put every zaunite in a same basket and call them animals and COMPLETELY throw away all compassion and understanding she had for them in season one (even up to the first minutes of the first episode) is NOT justifiable under any means. it's the same thing in reverse; not justifying coping mechanisms used to deal with grief DOES NOT MEAN you're invalidating the grief itself.

with that out of the way, we can understand that caitlyn, one way or another, went through a MASSIVE change of character this season. we saw it all in act 1. she was no longer the "good cop trying to fight the system from the inside and show the privileged how truly privileged they are by standing for the lowest ones' rights." the only thing in her mind was REVENGE. GETTING JINX TO PAY FOR HER ACTIONS AT WHATEVER COST. releasing toxic gasses into zaun and risking hundreds of innocents at a time to possible death by exposure? we all know, by common sense, IT'S NOT A GOOD THING TO DO. OBVIOUSLY. but she cannot; she's blinded by grief, blinded by rage. and it's gonna be even more evident in episode 3, when her and vi's kiss and, shortly after, breakup, happen.

this blindness towards others' feelings and opinions and only caring about the end goal— killing jinx— is what causes their falling out. vi, despite being COMPLETELY alienated from her principles and her people for the sole purpose of helping out her girl (impulsed by jinx's violence towards the council, which was the final nail in powder's coffin), understands that there can be a risk of killing an innocent: isha. she stops her. she's not happy about that. bombs go off prematurely. they're stuck between rubble and the frustration bubbled up caitlyn's throat and it comes out TERRIBLY. not just verbally, by saying her blood is in your veins— as if IMMEDIATELY condemning her— but also physically in the worst way possible. a full circle moment, if you ask me; hit in the same place she was stabbed, by the same person that helped heal her. full blown drama. lesbians are really something.

by the start of act 2, caitlyn is not just a hurting and grieving woman in a position of power, where all the weight of house kiramman falls on her shoulders; she's also a commander. which is... twice as much power in her hands. but the difference is that she's not acting on her own now, to satiate her own bloodlust and revenge. she's now hanging by threads, like a puppet controlled by none other than ambessa medarda. a ruthless warmonger who wants nothing but full influence over a broken woman to achieve her own goals in piltover. we saw it at the end of act 1; she was the one who instigated the attack on the memorial, which could be considered as the last straw for caitlyn's sanity. she took advantage of that weakness to further consolidate her hatred and biases against the undercity and, in consequence, be able to provide some sort of solace for her aching heart. and what better than to have such an influential woman like caitlyn as her protege; her pupil, if you will.

but of course, the point of writing such nuanced characters like the ones in arcane is that... they're not just one-dimensional. or even two-dimensional; like a stationary cardboard figure that is either-or. no in between. no chance of reflection or redemption or regret.

caitlyn, in the time skip between end of act 1 and beginning of act 2, starts to worry about the excessive occupation of noxian forces in piltover and zaun and how they're handling things. she goes as far as to question ambessa as to "why is peace always the justification for violence?". this inherently shows FEELINGS. she's EXPRESSING DOUBT. like any other human being, caitlyn goes through it; questioning the excessive use of force in zaunite checkpoints and how the noxian warlord justifies it all because they've lost so many. as if zaun hasn't lost innocents and guilty alike. this, obviously, leads caitlyn to a middle path, which is the one we see her in until episode 3, where her allegiance changes completely in the span of... a couple hours?

why is that though? first, we gotta talk about vi.

inevitably.

she's been the most hurt character in this show, for sure. thrown around like a punching bag for everyone to use, she's been broken since day one. lost her parents at an early age, had to take care of her little sister even though she was taken in by vander and raised with two other boys; then proceeds to lose her found family, hits powder out of impulse (because HOW ELSE would you want a 15 year-old to react to something like that while the wound is still raw? "don't worry powder, you disobeyed me and caused an explosion that killed our family but it's okay, let's go home and eat something I'm starving" WHAT????) that ends up marking her for the rest of her life right before getting thrown into prison by a crooked cop and spending the next seven years in a cell; cold, bloody, hungry, counting the hours until she could get back to her sister.

yet after she gets released, she finds warmth for the first time in a long time: and it's in caitlyn. in a way, you can't blame her for building such an important bond with her. she was the first one to show her kindness and genuine care in a very long time and, naturally and humanly, that's gonna leave a mark on her. yet she is strong, determined, dead set on finding her sister and bringing her back; she doesn't fall easily into the comfort of love, because her heart is bleeding for the small child she slapped seven years ago and that she couldn't console or apologize to. YET, HUMANLY, she ends up lowering her defenses around her. finally, she finds someplace she feels safe with, someplace that makes her feel like anything is possible. but that place ends up being a person, and people change. inevitably.

after the attack on the council, vi tries her best to be of as much support to caitlyn as possible. she knows she's not generally welcome in topside, but nonetheless she's pushed by love to provide any comfort she can. what she wasn't expecting was to provide that comfort by turning into one of the things she despised the most: an enforcer (for those saying that it doesn't make sense for her character, you're wrong! she's put in a position where she's serving as support to caitlyn, and as support she must mold into what she needs her to be. even if it's not what aligns with her morals. yes, it wouldn't make sense if it would've been a personal decision, but in this context? absolutely). she slumps into mental darkness for a moment, wondering how inconsiderate she can be to ask her to be something so opposite to her nature when maddie comes to her and outright guilt-trips her into accepting caitlyn's proposal. personally, I have no idea if she was sent by cait beforehand to manipulate her into doing it, but seeing as we haven't been given an explanation for that I'll assume it was fully maddie's doing. and like that, vi accepts to the total alienation from her morals that entails becoming a cop for the sake of her lover.

things go awry. we all know how. vi feels beyond betrayed, beyond hurt, beyond alone. not just because caitlyn changed when she asked her not to (it was inevitable) but also because that safe space that she stood for is no longer there. that single hit of blunt force into her abdomen means so much more to her than just the stinging pain of the wound sevika left— the one caitlyn had healed. the moment she began to feel like she could trust her—, but more deep-rooted trauma from her years in prison. seven years getting beaten to a bloody pulp, no signs of warning, when she was at her lowest and her loneliest. do you think that, when she looked up at caitlyn, she saw her, or the faces of the enforcers that abused her?

it's a deep cut, for sure.

after that, she hits rock bottom. her self-preservation skills are null. or maybe they aren't, but she chooses not to use them. her entire life, she's been squished into the mold of the responsible one; the rock, the support, the leader, the protector. but without anyone to protect, or lead, or take care of... what's left of her? nothing but a husk of self-hatred and disappointment that she decides to fill in the most self-destructive ways. because why bother? she can't do anything right; not save her sister, nor protect her, nor hold on to anything good because everyone changed. everyone except her. maybe her heart of gold is more of a curse than a blessing.

she spirals into alcoholism, filling the void of loneliness by going to rowdy bars and getting shitfaced to distract herself from the perpetual state of pain she's in. yet caitlyn lingers in her mind. haunting her every minute of the day, making her feel miserable; yearning for that woman that was once so soft and bright. but it's not her anymore. she's dead, just like powder.

now, a lot of things happen between that moment and when she meets caitlyn again. but let's focus on their point of reunion, which a lot of people were deeming "weird" and "disrespectful" on caitlyn's end because she wasn't IMMEDIATELY tear stricken and pleading for forgiveness before giving us an hour-long makeout scene. be fucking for real.

up to that point, vi's had plenty of other things on her mind than just her ex. and believe it or not, the frustration shown during her pit fighter montage is also rage; at least, how I read it. yes, she's hallucinating images of caitlyn in her old enforcer uniform and yearning for her, but the current caitlyn? that's not her. seeing her again was not gonna cause immediate tears to well up in her eyes and consider, FOR A MOMENT, that vi's inner turmoil also contains resentment towards her. even if she did yearn for her past self. (it's funny to me how the same people that complain about vi not having any sense of autonomy because she's in love with caitlyn are often the same ones that talk about how they wanted a more emotional reunion, when the context did not call for it...)

on caitlyn's end, she doesn't break down YET... there's something in her eyes. more evident on her than on vi, I dare say. her eyes widen and soften in a way I haven't seen them in a while. that means something. and despite the apathetic remark about her hair you can tell there's hesitation. could this mean, possibly, that during all those months spent apart she's had time to reflect? regret her actions? seems to me like it does. because after all, when cupcake escapes from her lips she doesn't recoil, she doesn't frown or scoff. we see the old caitlyn again, even if just for a moment. she probably didn't know she needed to hear that from her again, but now that she did... she realizes she still cares for her.

even if this is just a personal reading of the situation, I think it's the most fitting if we're talking about normal, human interactions. the people acting like caitlyn is an unforgivable monster that has no feelings or is not capable of any self-reflection strips her entirely of her nuance. you want highly complex female characters yet you can't handle her.

another detail to add to the pile of reasons why I think caitvi is still viable is because, even though maddie had been trying to convince caitlyn time and time again to speak to ambessa to withdraw her forces, to finally take a stand... vi convinced her with just one look. in truth, she's her soft spot; she always has been. the fact that flared up emotions got a hold of her beyond rationality does not mean she can't feel regret for her actions later. it doesn't mean she's an irredeemable monster. hm, that sounds familiar. maybe... what happened after the factory explosion, seven years back?

that was just a thorough overview of what I consider is an objective opinion about both sides. caitlyn had evidently changed for the worse, and vi couldn't let go of her past self; the kinder cait, the sincere cait, the cait she fell in love with. vi has been, yet again, thrown into the chaotic claws of fate and has come out hurt once again. but does that mean the relationship is beyond salvageable? that's what act 3 is for.

do I believe that their relationship will be perfectly back to normal in just three episodes? not really. there's no time to fully heal the scars that were left to harden during act 2, but it doesn't mean there can't be redemption. do I believe a sex scene will compensate for all of that? ABSOLUTELY NOT. despite my very biased opinions on the ship and how I desperately want them to be together because my little lesbian heat can't handle otherwise, I understand from an objective perspective that things aren't easily solved through sex. I will not be considering any sexual or romantic advances valid or necessary if there isn't a long, thorough scene where they rough out their differences; hell, even express their more hidden emotions to each other. maybe shedding a tear or two.

it's the most rational and balanced way to approach their situation. I utterly despise people that cannot see both sides of an argument and that blatantly disregard any attempt of changing the script toward redemption or healing. it happened during season one with jinx, it's happening now with caitlyn. she's done objectively bad things, yet there is no need to classify her as the set villain for this season; especially if you don't understand the influence ambessa had over her. as well as there's no need to classify vi as a dog on a leash just because she exposes vulnerability towards the person she loves. it's a human emotion, a human experience. isn't that what we're looking for in media? to find true representations of reality and the complexities of human psychology to feel some sort of catharsis? to feel like we're not alone?

in any way it ends, I just hope for satisfaction.

[pop-punklouis]

I never understood this whole thing about denial when people grieve their loved ones. I always thought well of course you don’t want it to be true but like how can you deny it, I just was never able to imagine how that feels like and now I fully understand. I feel like we are currently living in an alternative universe that wasn’t suppose to hit us in the first place and soon it’s all gonna end and he is somehow still here. Like that thought makes more sense to me than the fact that he’s gone forever and we just have to live with it. I can’t comprehend this has actually happened. My brain is not able to process it at all, it just hasn’t even hit me yet. It’s slowly sinking in but it’s hasn’t reached me yet that this is actually reality. Can you tell my parasocial relationship with the 1D boys is VERY strong oops.

i mean, i don’t even like people using the parasocial card (not you!) when talking about this or invalidating all the grief and mourning fans are doing.

you don’t have to personally know someone for their art, their spirit, their presence to make an impact on you. to touch you. and liam lives on inside the chests of everyone he ever impacted. his spirit is ingrained in his friends, his family, his son, and even us.

and it’s okay to not know where to go from here. it’s okay to be in denial (hell it still feels as hazy to me today as it did finding out wednesday night). it’s okay to need time regardless of it’s a celebrity death or a personal death. one direction was magic. one direction IS magic and their connection with fans is something i haven’t seen any other band replicate since they left. the fans were part of their journey so intimately. they think so highly of us and that’s felt every time they talk about the fans or reminiscence about 1D. they genuinely care, and i think that’s where so much of this grief is coming from too. we were in this thing together for so long and you do not have to know someone to feel that connection and feel that loss when they’re gone. and i’ll debate that with anyone who wants to jump at the chance to dismiss fans feelings due to parasocial relationships.

[a-heart-of-kyber]

Whenever anyone bitches about Reid in Proof I'm just overhere like, "I would've been worse."

I'm not gonna beat around the bush and both sides this; imo Reid had a right to his anger and JJ was in the wrong.

Whenever I see the anti Reid arguments for this episode, it's always "Reid's anger was valid, but-" and then they proceed to invalidate his anger....

Now this is very Anti JJ, and not exactly pro Emily or Hotch either, and I am not looking to be convinced otherwise. There are tags and a readmore and now a warning. If you are bothering to read this any further and you disagree... you made that choice, not me.

Starting with s6 Emily. She literally put them all in danger and Knew it. She never would’ve prepared them until Doyle did what he did despite knowing they were threatened even before meeting with Doyle. Meaning one or more of them could've died probably without even understanding why. It's only because Doyle was looking to trap her that none of them were hurt.

Now, Proof opens and we immediately find out that JJ had already been bugging Reid to hang out before the episode. Which she clearly had been doing despite her knowing he was actively avoiding her. "He hates me." Makes it clear this wasn’t a one-time ask.

Hotch then, ignoring the tension, pairs them up.

Is Reid passive-aggressive? Yep. Is his passive aggressiveness based on her (JJ's) actual actions and the breach of trust and deconstruction of character caused by those actions? Also, yes.

Not once does JJ open one of these potential conversations with "I'm sorry." Because, guess what, even things you view as Necessary and Right can genuinely Hurt People. Best way to handle it? Take Accountability for your damn actions and apologize.

Hotch takes accountability in 7x01 and the first words out of Emily's mouth are "I'm sorry."

Instead, JJ puts the onus on Reid to open up because, to JJ, she is entitled to know his feelings. To JJ, she is entitled to his forgiveness.

During their period of grief, JJ should have steered him elsewhere to grieve because she was Lying to Him. To Reid, she spent months lying to him and play acting at a grief that he perceived as mutual. That would be mortifying to discover. It'd make someone feel foolish and betrayed. It's incredibly fucked up.

Then JJ goads Reid into a fight by insulting his intelligence and essentially calling him arrogant by suggestioning this was all just the result of a bruised ego, after spending the episode clapping back instead of apologizing. Their fight's foundation is steeped in a feeling of broken trust and manipulation/betrayal on one side and righteousness on the other.

And people have the audacity to say that Reid telling the Truth is being manipulative....after literal months of JJ doing that to him. The only difference being that she was Lying.

Frankly imo, when you push for a fight by hurting someone Even More (Reid had been actively trying to leave), you do not get to play victim when their truth hurts you.

And only after that does she even think to say "I'm sorry."

Plus let's not discuss the bit of this necessary secret where no one seems to actually consider the safety of those who didn't know if Doyle came knocking. Reid, Morgan and Garcia were potential and unwitting pawns/sacrifices the entire gd time. (Rossi says he figured it out....swell.)

In 7x01, Reid wasn’t requesting reinstatement. He would've quit/taken the fall. He was at the very least considering it.

He can't be mad at Emily because she came back to life and said sorry. He can't be mad at Hotch because that's his boss, and he didn't melt down in front of him.

But JJ acted as if his forgiveness was assumed, mandatory almost. That was his Best Friend who let him drown right in front of her....again.

I would've told All of them to get fucked and ghosted because I wouldn't have been able to trust them ever again. And while I have abandonment issues, I don't have them to the extreme that Reid does. The fact that he stayed is a miracle.

[leiandroid]

gaara&ino | a little outtake of a psychiatric ward au :)

ino is a "schizophrenic", she hears things which she believes are people's thoughts, and so claims she can read people's minds. she has motor ticks and a tendency for repetitive actions which is channeled through her hobby of arranging flowers. her room in the ward is filled with flower wreaths, arrangements etc, and she gets very anxious when they are out of place. she also has OCD.

gaara is a narcoleptic kid with anti social and behavioural issues. he wears a straight jacked most of the time and it only gets tied up when he exhibits signs of going into an episode (his episodes are characterised by violence and destruction and is a great threat to himself and those around him, but especially himself). his room in the ward is padded to avoid injury.

gaara often uses his narcolepsy as an excuse for getting out of trouble and avoiding certain conversations and people.

due to the heavy medications that gaara is always under, his emotions are extremely subdued and he doesn't feel any of them in any real intensity, the meds keep him emotionally invalid and numb.

ino and gaara become unlikely friends when gaara was going into an episode and some of the other patients were enabling him by feeding his anger by bullying him and throwing stuff at him. ino punched one of them in the face and dragged gaara away from them.

gaara bit her arm hard enough to draw blood but she withstood it through tears in her eyes and told him, "i won't hold that against you because i know you're scared."

when the nurses finally arrived, the worst of it had already passed but he was still given some medications to placate him. to which ino says, "he really hates those, you know?"

gaara just stares at her, puzzled. it is the first time someone has stood up for him and has voiced his thoughts that he keeps to himself.

from then on, she sticks to gaara like glue. he finds solace in her room because it smells of earth and flowers and it is very calm and quiet. ino's voice is bright and melodic and she has full conversations with him without him needing to open his mouth because ino says she can read his thoughts better than anyone else's; and he accepts this as true because more often than not she's right about what he's thinking.

because of this, ino speaks on his behalf to the nurses and doctors and other patients. gaara gets particularly moody when the doctors ignore ino's words and turn to him to ask, "is that right gaara? do you really feel [insert what ino said]?" he just angrily nods, and ino crosses her arms haughtily and reminds them that she can read his mind and "you don't have to talk to him like he doesn't understand."

they develop an unhealthy attachment that causes both of them anxiety when they are separated. ino needs to protect him and gaara needs the peace she brings him. however, gaara causes her a lot of grief when he destroys her room at times during his fits which triggers her OCD and she has to lock him out for hours or even days at a time to re-arrange her room. similarly, gaara feels exposed when she reads him too well, many times he can be heard yelling at her to get out of his head. their fights are as explosive as their friendship is easy.

gaara's once bare and empty room slowly gets filled by colourful blankets and pillows and plushies that ino buys for him. he can regularly be found sleeping under a large soft pile in the corner of his room.

ino is always excited to see temari when gaara's siblings come to visit. even though gaara isn't always thrilled or really feels like seeing them, he sits through it just so ino can get a chance to talk to temari. ino looks up to temari as a role model. and temari appreciates ino who takes care of gaara and has given him a friendship he otherwise couldn't have gotten in the outside world.

inoichi likes gaara because he sees how happy his daughter is around him, but he is wary of him due to his tendency for violence and only hopes he doesn't truly hurt ino.

[ludinusdaleth]

i need to preface this meta with a million versions of "i do not think ludinus is or ever will be a good person who deserves forgiveness or will have a happy ending", and it will take me a second to get to my perhaps bad point, but here we go:

as many (and myself) have noted, ludinus is blinded by his trauma. he cannot in any way shape or form see around it, and even though he is very wise, intelligent, and able to mediate almost any conflict of interest, he becomes childishly closed in when anyone challenges his idea, says that his crusade of warfare against the gods has hurt thousands of mortals. he is an active danger in his position of power by refusing to show care for anyone but himself, while convinced hes doing it for exandria.

i think this stems out of the fact that no one has ever been able to reach him in a way he craves. he can get validation of trauma from the vanguard, but he made them thralls to his ideas; do they really mean it or did he manipulate them into it? he obviously cant be validated in his grief by vasselheim and their stranglehold on calamity history, who think any heretic outside of their worship of warlords deserved their fate. and he cant find comfort in fellow calamity survivors, either due to not knowing they were alive (presumably devexian, alyxian), or being angered and in disbelief they chose to pursue religion despite their torture (leylas). because no one starts with the goalpost of saying his people didnt deserve their fate and that his anger is valid, he has been losing his mind with the belief he needs to forcibly show everyone what he experienced and for the world to see him as correct, after an eon of being the only one in his mind with a semblance of a correct pov.

which brings me to my point, which people will react badly to initially, but god, i need to say it aloud: the most important line he has ever said, which has rung in my head like a bell since last episode, is:

"Speak your mind, and I will speak mine. But all I ask is a moment. To show you."

ludinus has refused to entertain anyone else's pov as long as we have known him. fearne mouthing off at him one too many times about the vanguard caused his calm demeanor to snap in favor of him snarling at her about what he had seen in the calamity. he made his speech at the key as everyone there was actively trying to kill him. he never asked a soul for their input on what he was doing. not one ounce of him wants another perspective. and that isnt because hes scared of being called a tyrant. he tells exandria to "make me your villain", and there are so many moments of self hatred in his interactions with others i think he knows damn well what he is. no, hes terrified that someone will invalidate what he went through.

and he has asked the bells to witness the calamity's trauma firsthand, and to judge it and him freely. that is.... a massive change.

before you react, no. ludinus cant be fixed. no persuasion check in the world could convince him to forgive the gods and no one would ever allow him to walk with no consequences and start anew - as if his body wouldnt fall apart before that anyway. but the bells are at the only moment in history where ludinus is completely stuck between reality and his hero complex. almost nothing has gone his way and the world is rallying against him and evontra'vir itself said the bells were destined to defeat him and that is more preordained than the gods deaths and he knows he must teach them the truth but what if his methods were truly for nothing? he needs someone, anyone, to tell him something, to ground him. he will do his best to convince the bells of what he thinks. but he knows he has to leave a decision up to them. the next generation.

he didnt consider what they thought until now. isnt that a sobering thought for him.

and while they dont owe it to him, if the bells actually start the conversation by acknowledging what he went through? i think for the only time in exandrian history, the only moment that it will ever be feasible.... that you could move his second goalpost by starting at his first. those abused & grieving due to him will finally be able to say that to him, by sating the need hes had for 1000 years. and i think he will absolutely accept whatever else is thrown at him if it means someone listened. he will never give up on killing the pantheon. but i think this is the moment that will define whether he dies by the bells hands, or at the bells side against another system. this is the only time that his fate is in flux. and this is the only time this old dog can learn a new trick: that the role of parent can be guidance, and defense for the children you hurt. and acceptance that has been the parent, who must step up, now, or never again.

[bekolxeram]

Good morning! (Well, at my place) I've just read your take on fandom, and while I'm personally avoiding most of the cast interviews and stuff, I see your point. I'm just afraid that's too much a voice of reason. Something spread all over the world today, facts do not matter very much. And people really forget that fandom is fun. Anyway, would love to see more of those posts :)

I too usually avoid interviews and stuff, I'm mostly in it for the excuse to unite my love for aviation, disaster documentaries and gay stuff. I'm sure you've stumbled across fandom discourse before and asked yourself "are we watching the same show?" Well, I saw a post about one of the actors "confirming a character's sexual orientation" and I was just wondering if we were reading the same words.

I've seen media literacy, canon vs fanon being brought up numerous times for the last 2 months, but I think I've finally found the right words to describe my gripes with the fandom: the confusion of implication and interpretation.

Maddie pulling Chimney out of the frame in that hotel room then ending up pregnant a few episodes later, implication, it's not the network or the show for explicit sex scenes. Buck making a dirty face while saying the ring cutter was for "other stuff", well what other stuff can you think of? Hen and Chimney hanging out with Tommy at the bar in Bobby Begins Again, would Hen and Chimney knowingly become friends with someone who was still racist and misogynist that they had a problem with? These are all hardly refutable facts that just weren't shown explicitly on screen for whatever reasons.

A male character being emotionally repressed and having trouble dating women on the other hand, could be because he is attracted to men without knowing it, but it also could be due to all sorts of reasons like childhood trauma, religious trauma, trauma from the battlefield, unprocessed grief from on-and-off ex-wife suddenly dying in an accident so any sort of closure is no longer possible etc. Another male character looking after a good kid when his father is trying his best to juggle between raising him and being a first responder, could be because he is romantically interested in said single father and wants to become part of a traditional type of nuclear family unit with the kid, but it also could be just him being kind and empathetic, as he himself grew up with emotionally neglectful and absent parents. You can interpret these things all sorts of ways based on your personal experience, but the show itself doesn't tell you how to frame it, nor does it limits you. Though at the end of the day, other people may interpret the same piece of media in different ways, and that includes the showrunner, the writers and even the actors themselves.

And then there's conflating interpretation with irrefutable explicit fact, like I demonstrated in some of my posts. Like the moment after 7x10 came out, the whole fandom was enshrouded by debates over daddy kink. One side painted Tommy as a sexual predator who exploited Buck's moment of vulnerability to satisfy his own kinks (again, Buck started the daddy thing), the other side defended the rights for gay men to explore sexually whenever they like. Yes, the I know daddy kink is very common among the gay community, but the concept itself has become so mainstream the past few years (I blame Pedro Pascal) that it now vaguely means "an older man who is hot".

After a few weeks of thinking I'm crazy and I lack verbal and reading comprehensions, I finally read the source material behind most of the controversies, and I got things completely different from the mainstream discourse out there? I've never seen anyone from the production of the show explicitly stating or even imply a certain ship would come true? At most, they respect and validate fans' own interpretations of the story, that's it. It doesn't necessarily mean they agree with said interpretation, and it certainly does not invalidate other possibilities.

So here we are, some fans feel betrayed even though they were never promised anything. Other fans get nervous over stuff that is actually just an interpretation of a cast member's interview, which in itself is also an interpretation of their own character, but tutted as absolute fact by some.

Enjoying a piece of media is supposed to be about enjoyment, not like a part-time job, so enjoy the parts you like and ignore the rest. But if you want to participate in the fandom, and you feel anxious anytime there's rumors brewing, tracking down the source might actually bring you more peace.

[dats-hq]

Kaito, Aoi, and the Importance of Digimon Survive's Intertexuality Across Routes

Digimon Survive is such a powerful narrative because its core theme is reinforced through its very structure as a visual novel. The game's radical belief in the ability for anyone to blossom into the best versions of themselves given the right circumstances is a powerful concept, but it could easily come off as naive. To avoid coming off as naive, there must be an acknowledgement of the darkest parts of our hearts.

It's like this:

In the Truthful Ending, Kaito has some issues with anger and overprotectiveness, but ultimately develops a slightly healthier relationship with his sister. A fine snapshot of a young boy's life over the course of a few weeks, but is it a snapshot of the young boy's soul? I think not. That snapshot comes in more parts. To see how his relationship with Miu would develop in more dire circumstances, you must see Moral Route. To see how he would cultivate a more strenuous relationship with Miu in light of a heightened sense of danger in the world, you must see Wrathful Route. To see who Kaito would become without Miu's grounding presence, you must see Harmony Route.

By seeing Kaito across four dimensions, you are able to form a picture of the actual Kaito. In composite, Kaito is obviously a good person. He is motivated by a desire to protect. He is brave. He cares for people. Even his friends who he betrayed in Harmony Route could see that deep down, Kaito had the potential to be a good person. This is seen when they all wish to extend an offer of forgiveness to Kaito, even after he resolved to destroy the world. By seeing Kaito at his absolute worst, we actually see a glimmer of his potential.

(I would like to clarify that I do not believe that Kaito "redeemed himself by dying," nor is it my reading of the text that Kaito was made to die as punishment for his misdeeds. I understand how one may come to those readings of the text, but I believe it was an unfortunate and unintended implication at worst.)

Aoi is an overachiever. She's a bright young girl, and that comes with certain expectations. If one were to look at her on a very surface level, you would think that she understands the importance of the responsibilities she's been given, and she doesn't mind the extra work. That is obviously bullshit, but to some extent, this is the image she puts out into the world. Aoi is not forthcoming about her emotions, so prior to meeting Labramon, she allows herself to stoically accept an unfair burden. Her fellow students take advantage of her, and her opinion is rarely respected among the other chosen children when discussing next steps. Without the ability to assert herself, she has all of the responsibility with none of the actual power. She must work hard, but she cannot do good.

This is a shame. Aoi is motivated by a strong sense of justice. The best version of herself is one who has the confidence to set boundaries and stand firm on issues she cares about, but much like Kaito, watching her grow into her best self is merely a snapshot of a few weeks in the life of a child. To truly plunder the depths of Aoi's soul, we must look into Wrathful Route.

In Wrathful Route, we see the most explosive expression of Aoi's convictions. She learns that a sense of justice is worth nothing if you don't have power, and power is worthless if it is not used. While nobody younger than Aoi dies in Moral Route, and Miu's safety in Harmony Route is Kaito's responsibility first and foremost, Saki's safety was squarely Aoi's responsibility.

Aoi's grief over her own failure to uphold her values causes an overcorrection. She is overcome with a desire to wield the maximum possible power and realize a twisted vision of maximum possible justice.

I love the gusto, Aoi, but human instrumentality is not a healthy response to traumatic invalidation.

It's important to stress that while I love Saki and think Saki/Aoi is an adorable ship, Saki's death is not the sole cause of Aoi's mental anguish. Saki's death was the catalyst for Aoi to close herself off from the community who could have helped her. The anguish began developing years prior.

In other routes, Aoi's relationship to her sense of justice, her responsibility, and her assertiveness develop in different ways, but by examining Aoi across four dimensions, we can understand Aoi's actual self. In composite, Aoi is a good person. She has strong convictions. She is protective. She is capable. There are a lot of ways these values can shape a young girl, and Aoi deserves a life where she has a supportive community to allow her to grow into the best version of herself. Don't we all?

At the core of both Kaito and Aoi, we find good people. I like to think you'd find the same at the core of everyone in real life, too. And yet, in real life, we obviously find people who do work to make the world a worse place. In Digimon Survive, we can see the paths not taken, for better and for worse. In doing so, we see the Truth of each character.

(This is not wholly unrelated to the appeal of "the Digimon as a reflection of the human partner's true self." In Dracmon, we see Kaito's protectiveness in a more trusting and easygoing package. In Labramon, we see Aoi's supportiveness in a more assertive package.)