#and it’s all kind of hitting me rlly fucking hard

[yinyuedijun]

STREIIII I WILL LICHERALLY CRY AT UR COMMENT SKDJSS

first of all I'm so glad you liked jiji in this - he is SUCH a sweetheart in canon (despite being annoying as hell during his debut LMAO) and I really tried hard to capture that here 🥺

I'm also SO SO happy that you liked the reader! I need you to know that I CACKLED at "fucked up asian intergenerational trauma pipeline" bc I RLLY DO THINK WE MUST HAVE HIT THE SAME ONE 💀💀 but in all seriousness, I nearly always construct my protagonists around the same core (traumatic) themes/experiences, and I'm glad that I'm writing them with enough authenticity that they resonate with you!!!! thank you for sharing that with me, it means a lot 🥺

I'm also super happy to have spread the tighty whitey agenda also 😎😎😎 also I will? CRY AT YOUR COMMENTARY OF THE HOUSE SCENE? thank you!!!! 😭 that story about the mortician sounds so beautiful - may I ask what the novel was???

"easily one of the greats" I will LITERALLY cry strei thank you so so much for reading & taking the time to leave such kind words T_T kissing u endlessly!!!!!

FUNERAL MARCH | evil eye x fem!reader x jiji

The Evil Eye doesn't love you. It's not in his nature as a demon, and he's not sure that it was in his nature as a human either. He wasn't loved and couldn’t love, and that's why he was given to the Tsuchinoko. But he likes to possess you nevertheless, and he often thinks about cursing you so that you’re bound to him. It would be the only way to keep you, because you probably don't love him, either—no human would embrace such a horrid and ugly existence. You just love the Vessel he inhabits. (Or: You and Jiji are now engaged. Of course, you have to ask the Evil Eye to marry you too.)

10.8k words. romance, smut, mild angst & comedy. rough sex with the Evil Eye (piv, creampie, overstimulation, bizarre magic, cnc elements in the “nooo it's too much” kind of way, dubcon with the magic). content warnings: aged up characterization, implied past sexual abuse (not involving Jiji or Evil Eye), brief mentions of suicidality, religious references (Taoist ghost marriage), use of English idioms that don't translate well into Japanese (forgive me), canon-typical crass humour. mdni.

I. THE GHOST

You’re in love with his Vessel.

The Evil Eye is well-aware of this. He hadn't known love as a human, but he saw it often enough in the House. Countless families moved in over the years, husbands and wives with little children who were frightened when he tried to play with them. After photography was invented, pictures lined the walls and decorated nightstands. They immortalized brides in their white kimono, grooms with their wide smiles, elegant ceremonies, decadent banquets.

The couples always looked like they were having so much fun, the Evil Eye noticed. Not just in the photos, but in their daily lives in the House—dancing with each other, pressing their lips together, laughing and singing and holding each other. Then they'd die together, hanging themselves because of that shitty worm. The Evil Eye always felt a kind of sadness seeing them in love—he’d never had that, and he'd never get it, and it was unfair in a way that filled him with a searing rage.

But he was even angrier when they died.

It used to make him angry too, when you talked about the Vessel. When he took over and he caught you laughing at something the Vessel had said, or dancing with him, or pressing your lips together. (Kissing, you’d told him the first time it happened. It's called kissing someone, when you do that.)

Then you started kissing the Evil Eye too, and suddenly he wasn't so angry anymore—the latent rage in him for once eased.

Still, it makes him feel sullen when you tell him, “Jiji and I want to get married.”

You are lying next to him in bed. Sweat is cooling on your naked body—you always get so hot when you and the Vessel get into bed with each other, or sometimes when he’s got you bent over the dining room table, or occasionally when you touch each other in that place you call the ‘locker room’, which tends to leave you extra breathless. No matter the place or the time, you’re always lighthearted, glowing, satisfied. It's the effect that the Vessel has when he’s inside you.

(Sex, you told the Evil Eye once, it's called having sex. Or making love. Not all sex is making love, but it's making love the way that Jiji and I do it. And then the Evil Eye demanded that you show him what exactly that meant, and that's when you took him inside you for the first time. He felt so good and so close with you that for a while, it was all he wanted to do.

Wants to do.)

“What does that mean,” the Evil Eye asks, although he has a good idea. You want to live in a House with the Vessel and laugh and sing and hold each other. You want to die together too, probably, your corpses hanging side-by-side from the same bannister.

“It means we’re going to dress up and make vows to spend the rest of our lives together,” you say. “And we’ll live together and build a home and maybe we’ll have babies too.”

The Evil Eye thinks of all those babies who lived in the House, impossibly tiny humans who were cradled by their mothers before they were burned alive as sacrifices. Before he became the Evil Eye—back when he was merely the ghost of a waif—he’d tried to play with them too, making silly faces and dancing as they giggled at him. He liked to pretend that they were his younger sisters or brothers, but sometimes he wondered how it'd feel to hold them and sing to them like their parents did. How it'd feel if he were a husband with a wife and a kid, what it would be like to dance with someone in the kitchen or tuck a child away into its cradle.

But every time he tried to pick the babies up, his hands would pass right through them. Kind-hearted ghosts can't love people in such a physical way; you need to be vengeful to hold onto anything. He'd had to learn to hate all humans before being able to touch them again, and now he's so rife with hatred that he can't love them anyway. All he can do is haunt them.

The Evil Eye doesn't love you. It's not in his nature as a demon, and he's not sure that it was in his nature as a human. He wasn't loved and couldn’t love, and that's why he was given to the Tsuchinoko. But he likes to possess you nevertheless, and he often thinks about cursing you so that you’re bound to him. It would be the only way to keep you, because you probably don't love him, either—no human would embrace such a horrid and ugly existence. You just love the Vessel he inhabits, and that's why he can kiss you and that's why he can hold you and that's why he’s allowed to sex with you (sex, not love—you've never called it making love when you do it with him, and you never look lighthearted after, and you never glow from his touch: he always leaves you panting, marked up, bruised, possessed).

You love the Vessel, so it makes sense that you would want to do all that with him: live in a House together and make babies together and eventually die together.

“Oh,” he says. “Sounds fun.”

You laugh. “Yes, I hope it'll be.” Then you lace your fingers with his, and look at him in a tender way that he'll probably never get used to. In a tender way that's meant for the Vessel.

“So, then,” you say almost shyly, “Do you wanna marry me too?”

II. THE VESSEL

Auntie Seiko is as beautiful, young, and no-nonsense as ever. Between meeting her as a child, coming into her care as a teenager, and now seeking her help as an adult, Jiji doesn't think she's ever changed. Most familiar to him right now is the expression that she’s wearing, the one that suggests that he might have shit for brains. Turbo Granny, perched on her shoulder, seems equally bemused, her porcelain cat eyes narrowed into judgemental slits. He'd been hoping that Momo and Okarun would understand his feelings, but they seem equally exasperated—Momo might even be a little appalled.

Anyone else might be disheartened by this reaction, but Jiji is undeterred. These are the people who once realised his wish to protect the Evil Eye; surely, they’ll also realise his wish for him to find happiness.

“—so we talked to him, right? Or my beautiful wifey talked to him, anyway—”

“We're not married yet, Jiji,” you interrupt dryly. “Don’t call me that.”

“—my future beautiful wifey talked to him about getting married, and he said yes! I'm on board. I think they should get a proper ceremony and everything. I know it's a little unconventional since she’ll be marrying me too, but I don't mind sharing, and I'd be willing to work out any legal issues. I'm sure we can find a country where polygamy is allowed.”

“Don’t you think the bigger problem is that he's an evil spirit?!” Momo asks—yells—but Jiji only shrugs.

“Evil or not, don't you think he deserves love and romance just as much as anyone else?”

“No!”

Jiji supposes that he can't blame Momo for her reaction, given how many times the Evil Eye has nearly killed her. Deeming her a lost cause, he turns his gaze on her boyfriend instead, almost puppy-like.

“Don’t you think so, Okarun?”

“Not really,” he admits, and Jiji nearly wilts at the betrayal before he adds, “but I understand where you're coming from. The Evil Eye was like a child when he first possessed you; his greatest wish was to find a friend to play with. Now he's basically a young man who's found his first love and his greatest wish is to be with her… and she, um, happens to be your wifey…”

“Don’t call me that!” you protest, oddly embarrassed, and Jiji resists the urge to squeeze you. You're so cute when you're flustered, it's unbearable. He makes a mental note to tell you this on the way home, though he already does this every day as a rule. When you were both still students, he would say it whenever he walked you home from school; nowadays, he more often says it during long-distance phone calls, or on FaceTime, or occasionally via text if your schedules are that misaligned. But he still makes it a point to remind you everyday, no matter where he is in the world: You're so cute. You're so pretty. You're beautiful, did you know that? I love you.

I love you, he thinks as he watches you. You look bashful right now. “We both want the Evil Eye to find happiness, and I’m pretty sure marriage will make him happy. And, well…” Your gaze drops. “It’d make me pretty happy too.”

Something in Jiji’s chest swells when he sees your expression. It feels mostly sweet, but there's also a painful edge to it. He’s always carried a kind of ache in his ribs ever since the day he caught his parents dangling from the second floor of the House and had to untie the nooses himself. Nowadays, he isn't sure if the pain is from that memory or if it's from the weight of the Evil Eye’s curse. Sometimes it feels like they're one and the same. Often it feels suffocating, like he's drowning and there's nothing he can do to breathe again—not laughing or joking or playing or running.

But you're always there when it’s hard. You're always beside him when he wakes up in the middle of the night to gasp for air, the way he used to when he was haunted as a teenager: It's okay, Jiji, you tell him, voice tender, I'm here for you. You aren't alone. I won't leave you. I won't let anything hurt you. I love you. The nightmares always leave him soaked in cold sweat, so he often switches in these moments, his consciousness displaced by a lonely, crying spirit. He doesn't know what it is you say to the Evil Eye, but when he comes back his heart feels lighter, and from that he knows that you've comforted him too.

The Evil Eye loves you—that much is clear. He loves you as much as Jiji does, probably. In a different way, sure, but just as much in strength.

It follows that nothing would make the Evil Eye happier in this world than getting married to you, Jiji figures. Dead or alive, who wouldn't be elated to marry the love of their life? And Jiji knows it'd make you equally as happy; only an idiot would think that you didn't love the Evil Eye back, and he's no fool. Some people might find it weird that he wants his wife to marry another man—and an evil spirit, at that—and maybe they're right for that. But why would Jiji ever turn down so much collective joy?

So he nods vigorously, giving Momo an intense look. “It'd make us all happy. Trust us!”

Momo gives you both a long, disbelieving stare.

“Well, when you put it that way…” She sighs, resigned. “When’s the wedding?”

“That's what we wanted your help with,” Jiji says, and he gives her grandmother an earnest look. “We want the wedding to be perfect, but we're not really sure how a ceremony would work with a youkai. What dates to choose, what venue to book, who could perform the rites… I mean, could you perform the rites, Ma’am?”

Auntie Seiko frowns. She looks on the verge of admonishing both of you, but Turbo Granny beats her to it: “Idiots. You can't do a Shinto ceremony with the Evil Eye. All three of you will combust into flames.”

“Oh.” Jiji remembers all the aliens and spirits alike that have burned upon attempting to chase them into the shrine grounds. He deflates. “Then… he can't get married?”

You squeeze his hand, and Jiji suspects that it's more for him than yourself. You don't seem nearly so worried.

“Would a Buddhist temple take us?” you ask.

“Doubt it,” Auntie Seiko says around her cigarette. “They’d probably try to exorcise your hubby on the spot—and even if they didn't, no Buddhist priest here would ever stand for tying the spirit of the deceased to a living person. It's how you get hauntings.”

“I don't mind being haunted by the Evil Eye,” you say immediately, and Auntie Seiko snorts.

“I know you don't, but it’s not in our job descriptions to curse people just because they're horny for a ghost.” Momo and Okarun cough loudly, and Jiji feels himself flushing; you cover your face with your hands. “I know a Chinese Taoist who’s done a few ghost marriages, though.”

“They’re okay with cursing people?” you ask, watching her through your fingers. “I mean—not that I mind.”

“Nah—they perform it as a pacification ritual. It would be the safest way to do something like this.” Auntie Seiko studies you closely. “I'm not sure how my acquaintance would react to an evil spirit or to polygamy, but I’ll call him and ask.”

“You're the best, Ma’am!” Jiji bursts, beaming. “We’ll save you an honoured spot in the front row! Turbo Granny too!” Elders should be respected, after all.

Turbo Granny makes a skeptical noise. “Don’t get ahead of yourself, numbnuts. Even if Seiko can find a priest stupid enough to oversee this wedding, there’s something you need that you probably can't find.”

“If we could find Okarun’s balls, I’m sure we can find anything,” you joke, but Granny seems unimpressed, her paws crossed over her chest.

Jiji frowns. “What exactly do we need to get?”

Turbo Granny gives you both an ominous look.

“His bones.”

III. THE CHILD

The Evil Eye hates being in the House.

All the spirits that he carries hate it too, airy things pulsing with rage and sadness and grief so palpable that he can always easily weaponise it. Any good memories that were ever constructed in the House are eclipsed by the hangings, the knife wounds, the suffocation, and also the burnings. Especially the burnings. Especially the white-hot lava washing over him, eating into his flesh—especially his last few days as a twitching, starving, dying thing on a stake; especially being buried, then the House being built atop his remains. Then all the children and babies sacrificed after him, wailing and screaming: unfair this is unfair let me go let me go let me go it hurts it hurts it hurts please stop this please help me Mom Mommy please help me please come back I don't want to die.

Doesn't anyone love me enough to save me?

He isn't ordinarily bothered by rage; he was born of it, after all. But he doesn't like feeling so much rage around you. The Evil Eye likes haunting you and will probably someday curse you—both things he once did to the families in this House—but he doesn't want to kill you.

He glances around the basement—the man cursed by Turbo Granny is here, and so is his lover. (Girlfriend, you’d called her. Momo is Okarun’s girlfriend, just like how I'm Jiji’s. You agree to be someone’s girlfriend when you have feelings for them and want to act on them. A-ah—what? Y-yes, I do have feelings for Jiji… Why do you ask?) The dancer and the Shinto priestess aren't here, and neither is the girl with the lizard suit, but they aren't needed.

If he tries to kill you, Okarun alone could probably stop him. This is the only reason that the Evil Eye agreed to let you come in the first place.

“This is so gross,” you whine, completely oblivious. You're knee-deep in the white gunk left by that shitty Tsuchinoko worm. “I can't believe you spent a whole day buried in this stuff, Okarun.”

“It saved me and Turbo Granny,” he replies, pushing his glasses up as he digs through the mess with you. “The lava would have gotten to us otherwise. I think it probably preserved the Evil Eye’s bones too.”

“I hope so…” You turn to the Evil Eye, head tilted. “Are you sure they're here, Jashi?”

Jashi. You say his title like it's name and not a curse. (Jashi, we should go try out this cafe, you'll say, or, Jashi, let’s go check out this show, or, I missed you, Jashi, it's been too long—here, can you feel how much I need you?) Sometimes he wonders if you ever forget that he's a ghost, or if using this Vessel fools you into thinking that he's human. If you lay beneath him in bed thinking that it's technically the Vessel inside you, and not just the monster possessing him.

“I’m a ghost,” he reminds you bluntly, “‘course I know where my remains are. Dunno if they've turned ash, though. Guess you can't marry me if they have.”

“No, we’ll get married,” you say, unbothered. “I'll dig up all the dirt from this shithole and say my vows to that if I have to.”

Okarun gives you a funny look. “How are you gonna get all that dirt out?” he asks.

“I'll make you carry it.”

“Huh? Says who?”

“Says Momo. He’ll help me carry it, right?”

“He will,” Momo affirms, and her boyfriend chokes. She ignores him, scanning the wreckage. “I hope it doesn't come to that, though. Hey, Evil Eye—can’t you be more specific with where we're supposed to dig? Coordinates or a map would be nice.”

“I'm not a fucking radar!”

You give him a pleading look. “Please, Jashi? Can't you try? For your future wifey?”

The Vessel's face gets hot. Its heart does the stupid thing where it jumps when you're around, or when he holds you after the two of you have sex, or when he stares too long at the engagement ring that's usually on your finger (now hanging around your neck on a silver chain, safely away from Tsuchinoko gunk).

“...fine. Gimme a sec.”

He closes the two eyes of the Vessel so that he can focus on his third. Human vision is too bound by shapes and light and figures; it distracts and deceives him. When he can't see your face, it becomes easier to hone in on his resentment. Unfair, his remains whisper to him, this is unfair let me go it hurts it hurts please stop please stop help me help me help me I don't want to die.

Doesn't anyone love me enough to save me?

“There,” he says eventually, pointing at the ground, “it's all there. In one spot. Guess I'm still a skeleton.”

You've got something of a sixth sense—whether it’s an effect of touching the golden ball or coupling so often with a spirit, the Evil Eye can't be sure. However it came about, it seems to tell you that he's right. Your eyes go soft when you rest a hand on the dirt he’s pointed at.

“Momo, Okarun,” you say, “Thank you for your help. I can dig this up myself—you guys can take a break.”

“Huh? No, we’d be happy to…” Okarun starts, but then Momo’s dragging him out by the collar and making him squawk.

“Sure—we’ll wait outside!” she says. “C’mon, Okarun, let's look for Mongolian Death Worm remains—I saw an occult article saying that it has medicinal properties if you make a powder extract from it…”

“You can't take that stuff seriously, Miss Ayase…”

After they leave, you spend the rest of the afternoon digging.

The Evil Eye offers to help, but you are determined to do it yourself. It's okay, Jashi, you say, I’m going to do it. You're going to be my hubby—the Vessel’s heart does the throbbing thing again—so it's only right that I'm the one to unearth you.

He doesn't understand it, but he shrugs anyway. Suit yourself. And he watches as you your fingers dig into the dirt, delicate nails collecting detritus. You don't want to use a shovel, you say, because you're sure that his bones will be fragile and you don't want to damage them. Even when he tells you that his bones are likely ruined in the first place, burned to shit and frail from rot, you don't let up. You just keep digging until you’re picking them out of the dirt.

You roll out a silk cloth, revealing lotuses against a pale backdrop. One by one, you lay his bones atop the pink and ivory thread, and you've found about half of them before he realises that you're reconstructing his skeleton. It's a small, pathetic thing. Help me help me I don't want to die, he can remember himself screaming. It hurts it hurts it hurts please stop. Doesn't anyone love me enough to save me?

The ghosts of the House begin to wail with rage.

Part of him worries for you—probably the part of him influenced by the Vessel, which is capable of a love that ghosts are not. It knows that you don't deserve his wrath.

“You should leave,” he says, but you shake your head. You take your time as you gather up bones, treating them all delicately as you roll them up in the silk, holding them close to you. As if you aren't in the presence of countless wrathful spirits. As if you are with the Vessel, and not with him.

“You were so small,” you say quietly. “Sometimes I forget that you were a child when you died.”

The Evil Eye stares at you, at the pathetic bundle in your hands. “That was ages ago.”

“But it never stops hurting, doesn't it?” you say, and the walls of the House close in on him. They tell him you're right, that you're a human, that you'll hurt him just like the rest of them, that you need to die too. But you look at him, soft in a way that belongs to the Vessel, tender in a way that the waif-ghost covets, and then the House shudders and goes quiet.

“I’m sorry I didn't help you back then,” you say, and it makes no sense, but he doesn't interrupt you. “I promise I'll make your married life a good one, now that we’re together.”

That's stupid, the Evil Eye thinks of saying, pedantic: I'm already dead. But you rise from the dirt before he can protest, and then you're taking his bones out of the House, cradling him in your arms.

Doesn't anyone love me enough to save me?

For the first time since being born, his body is allowed to leave the confines of its prison.

IV. THE BRIDE

The ceremony happens at night.

You spend the whole day readying yourself. Aira helps you get into your dress, admonishing you for the satanic rituals you'll soon perform but giving you her blessing anyway. Momo does your makeup, telling you to ignore Aira. Vamola says that you look lovely in stilted, earnest Japanese. Auntie Seiko helps you with your hair; she asks you, all the while, if you would like to wear a headdress that might protect you from evil, or for her to perform a consecration on your body. Turbo Granny is less roundabout, offering to take the Evil Eye’s banana in advance of your marital rites. Serpo warns you not to let the Evil Eye take your bananas—Why are you even here!? Momo yells at him—and Reiko Kashima says you shouldn't listen to any of them. You need to hold onto your man no matter what, she advises.

She also says you're beautiful, though of course you aren't as beautiful as her.

Beautiful. Are you beautiful? You'll be beautiful when you marry Jiji, because you're certain that his PR agent will want you prettied up by a team of stylists rather than a bunch of goofballs. You will need to look good for the photos, at least as handsome as him, and you don't know if you can manage that. You will need to be poised in front of the five hundred people attending, about which ten are your friends and none of which are your family.

You're already married to Jiji, technically. The two of you had a civil ceremony that only Momo and Okarun attended as witnesses, quick and dirty and secret. But the official ceremony will make it real, and you are terrified of that. You love Jiji beyond comprehension, and you know he loves you back tenfold, but you've never been able to rid yourself of the small voice in your head that tells you that you aren't good enough for him. It's been haunting you ever since the two of you fell in love, and you think maybe even before that. Maybe it started plaguing you when you were young.

When you were a child, you used to ask yourself if anyone would ever love you enough to save you from the things being done to you—the things you were convinced would be irreversible. You had confessed this to Jiji before you had sex with him for the first time. (Making love, he corrected you, I want to make love with you, and it made you feel so shy you nearly kicked him out of your bed.) He'd replied that he did love you enough, and that he would save you as many times as you wanted (I’m sorry I couldn't help you back then, he'd added nonsensically, but now that we’re together, I'll make sure your life is a good one), and you were so happy that you cried.

Sometimes you still cry, thinking about his words. But no matter how many times you replay the memory, no matter how often you tell yourself that Jiji is an honest man, the small voice in your head always warns that he’d lied to you. That your wedding to him will be a lie, too.

You often think about how he would leave you (gently), and why he would leave you (the list is endless). And then you try to imagine life without him—no cheerful kisses peppering your features, no goofy expressions putting you in stitches, no grueling morning runs, no messy kitchen sinks, no you're the cutest girl in the world, you're so beautiful I can't believe I'm dating you, how come you don't believe me when I say that stuff, I won’t let anyone hurt you ever again, I know you can get better I'll help you, I dunno how to talk about this with anyone other than you, sorry I cried that was kinda lame of me, sorry I need to go to Spain, sorry I was away for so long, I got you this merch, I got us tickets to this show, is it my fault you're going to therapy again, can you come with me to Berlin, is everything okay, come with me to the U.S., are you okay, are we okay, I don't want to break up, I love you, I love you so much, marry me, I'm being serious please marry me, I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I promise I won't leave you—

You don't think you could imagine living without Jiji.

Your looming wedding to Jiji terrifies you, but your ghost marriage does not. You feel calm in your dress, certain in your decision. Jashi has never scared you the way that Jiji has, after all. He doesn't frighten you even when the Taoist priest pulls you aside and tells you, “You can still back out of this.”

“Why would I?”

He dabs at his temples with a handkerchief. “This ritual is dangerous with a being like the Evil Eye. Ghost marriages are meant to pacify benign spirits—not vengeful ghosts. I can't guarantee that he will be calmed by this.”

You give him a quizzical look. “If he isn't calmed, then what would happen?”

The priest swallows. “There are three potential outcomes. One—he is pacified completely and moves on to the afterlife.”

This would scare you ordinarily, but you know Jashi well enough to understand that he would never move on. “Okay. What else?”

“Two—he is unaffected, and things remain the same.”

You wait, watching the way his fingers tremble. A wind blows; it carries the scent of burning sandalwood from the wedding altar.

“And?”

“And three—the most likely possibility—he will attach himself to you and curse you.”

“Oh.” The thought should scare you, but you don't think it's fear that’s squeezing your heart. “What would a curse be like?”

“Devastating. You'll never be able to live a normal life, nor will you have a proper afterlife.” The priest shudders at this possibility, which apparently frightens him too much to further describe. “Listen—if the Evil Eye doesn't pass on, you must not complete the marriage. Completing it would make the attachment permanent, and it would realise any curse he places upon you.”

“‘Completing the marriage”?”

“Consummating it.” His face is white. “Sex magic is unspeakably powerful. I don't believe anyone would be able to break a curse that’s born from it—at least not involving such a great yaoguai.”

Anyone else might laugh at his words, but you remain quiet. After spending so long chasing golden balls and bananas, after nearly a decade of fighting off aliens trying to have sex with Momo and Aira, you know that he is telling the truth.

And besides—you know just how permanently a touch can linger (a lifetime, forever, doesn't anyone love me enough to save me?), so you aren't surprised to hear the kind of curse it inflicts.

“Okay,” you say. “I promise I won't let it happen.”

It is only with this vow that the Taoist consents to overseeing the marriage.

The affair is a hodgepodge of Chinese funerary practices and Western weddings—foreign in every respect, but not uncomfortable. Auntie Seiko, clad in red-and-white robes and a golden headdress, walks you down the aisle. Against all her counsel, a white veil sits atop your head and chases after your shoulders. You stop before an altar of offerings and summoning talismans, Taoist spells lit up by the full moon hanged above. Instead of a bridegroom, you are next to a coffin that holds a tiny skeleton. The priest is before you, now possessed by a death god that will call Jashi back to his remains. Supposedly it is a Taoist deity, but its presence feels more extraterrestrial to you than anything spiritual. You will need to ask Serpo about it later.

You study the audience as the priest begins the summoning ritual. Jiji sits in the front row, watching you intently; if all goes well, Jashi will leave his body for the duration of the ceremony, along with all the vengeful ghosts that once resided in the sacrificial house with him. The spirits of the house scare you more than Jashi; you do not know how they will behave once cleaved from his control. There's a banquet for them in the back, a long table with a spread of incense, flowers, rice, and fruit—but you do not know if it will be enough to pacify them.

Your wedding party is equally on edge. As the White Impermanence begins its rituals, Jiji’s body slumps, and everyone else stiffens in their seats. The air grows rife with malevolence. The stars and moon blink out of existence, the world around you grows silent, and a suffocating darkness overtakes the night—almost as if you have been submerged in Empty Space. Tiny cyan flames erupt in the air around the banquet table, their glow eerie in the darkness. They must all be onibi, you guess.

Jashi himself emerges before you, standing over the coffin that holds his bones. You’d expected him to look like the emaciated child that he'd died as, or perhaps the stick-thin monster that used to haunt Jiji—but he takes another form altogether, a formless shadow that your mind can barely comprehend. You're vaguely aware of Turbo Granny covering Momo’s eyes, Okarun transforming, Auntie Seiko readying her bat—but you don't look at any of them. You only stare, as if in a trance, at the single vertical eye that is now peering at you from the darkness.

It is probably strange that you feel so calm. If you were a normal person, you'd probably run from your wedding altar of incense and offerings. Or, actually—if you were a normal person, your mind would be fraying at the edges, gripped by a desire to self-destruct. You would sob and beg the Evil Eye to lift its gaze and let you go and to return to you your life.

But you are not a normal person. The Evil Eye has never really made you feel particularly suicidal, nor have you ever really wanted to beg for your life before it. Your gaze is calm as you recite your vows from memory:

I shall marry this man. No matter what tragedies may arise, I will love this person, respect this person, console this person, help this person—until death, and beyond it. I swear these things before the gods.

When the Evil Eye makes his vows, it is in speech that human ears cannot understand. From the wedding banquet, the spirits of the house cry, their wails cacophonous and wrathful, and suddenly you realise that something has gone terribly wrong. Something has changed with this ghost wedding, and not for the better, but when Seiko rises from her seat, you raise a hand.

Finally, the Evil Eye recedes. The darkness lifts, although the spirits linger. Jiji’s eyes flutter open, immediately anxious and disturbed. You give him a reassuring smile—and the rest of your wedding party, too.

Something has gone terribly wrong. Still, you go about your business cheerfully. You thank the Taoist priest, and you insist to him that you will clean up the altar yourself. You greet your friends and say that they should head for the reception, which will have food for humans rather than ghosts. You peck Jiji on the cheek, beaming at him, and he relaxes and congratulates you.

He cups your face tenderly, kisses you on the nose. “You look happy,” he says.

Something has gone terribly wrong, but you still smile and tell him, “Yes.”

V. THE OFFERING

Your marriage bed is an altar.

Ivory petals are scattered across the bed, along with whole lilies and chrysanthemums. Sweetness permeates the room, carried by the smoke of burning incense. Flames dance upon red candles, flickering as they cast a gentle, soft light. This is your attempt to set an intimate mood, but the Evil Eye does not feel any form of love—he only knows greed. Every object in this room is an offering for the dead, meant for ghosts to consume, and you are the greatest offering of all, waiting for him on the centre of the bed in white silk. You are more fragrant than any joss, riper than any fruit, and he is the most ravenous ghost in existence.

“Isn't this romantic?” you say, beaming at him, and this is when the Evil Eye understands that he absolutely cannot have sex with you.

The wedding was meant to pacify him, perhaps even allow him to move on, but it only did the opposite. Seeing you before him at the altar, vowing to spend a lifetime with him despite all his resentment and ugliness made bare—it only made him more covetous. To move on would be to give up all the love you’ve offered him, the kind of love he'd been denied his whole life.

The kind of love he cannot return.

But he wants it anyway. And like any ghost, he’ll take it—take your love, your heart, your body, your life—if he is allowed to spread your legs and fuck you.

He knows this intuitively, although Turbo Granny also told him this. If you care for her even a little bit, she'd groused, you won’t go through with it. Then she'd threatened to take his banana and his nuts.

But vengeful spirits cannot care for human beings, not truly. It's a wonder that the Evil Eye is hesitating at all, why he feels a pit when he thinks about trapping you. It must be a consequence of his Vessel, who loves you so selflessly that even his body resists hurting you.

“We shouldn’t do it,” he says outright. You blink at him.

“Why?” You tilt your head. “...are you getting wedding night jitters? Do ghosts get nervous?”

He stares at you, uncomprehending. “What? No! I'm not fucking nervous!”

You frown. “Then what's the matter?”

It'll be dangerous for you, he tries to say, but then you're giving him a shy look and untying the sash around your waist. He swallows as the silk robe drops around your shoulders, pools around your thighs. The ivory lace covering your breasts and your core is so sheer that he can practically see through it. It's delicate, pretty—and he wants nothing more than to tear it off and ruin you.

“Don’t you”—you look so flustered, so cute, an echo tells him—“don’t you wanna make love to your wifey?”

Part of him thinks he might cum in his pants. The other part of him wants to leave. Wifey, making love—those are all words that you use on the Vessel. All words that are meant for the Vessel. You're confusing the Evil Eye with your real lover, under the delusion that he is human, unaware that you're being haunted. The Evil Eye is not the man you wish to marry, to live in a House with, to make babies with, to grow old with.

Unfair unfair unfair it hurts it hurts it hurts please please please I don't want to die. I don't want you to die. Why can't I touch you? Why can't I hold you? Please please please—

“I can't.”

Your brow arches. “What do you mean?”

“I can't make love to you.” He pauses, feels a kind of frustration bubbling up when you give him a confused look. “I don't love you.”

Your mouth opens, and you make a faint, strangled noise before asking, “What?”

“I don't love you.”

It takes a moment. You stare at him; you look down; you close your eyes. Your shoulders shake. You'll probably get angry and throw him out, or you'll just calmly ask him to leave. However you do it, you would cast him out, and it would be for the better. You would remain uncursed, free to live out a proper life with the Vessel, and the Evil Eye would get to keep his nuts.

But instead of doing either of those things, you start sniffling—and all the blood leaves his face.

“You”—your voice is so fragile, and it cracks and breaks and his throat feels like it's closing up—“what do you mean you don't love me?”

The Evil Eye's mouth drops open as you start to sob. “W-wait, wait—why are you crying? Don’t cry!”

You start to wail. “You don't love me! I just married you and you don't love me! How am I not supposed to cry?” Between hiccups and sniffs, you pick up one of the pillows and throw it at him. He's paralyzed, forgets to dodge, and it hits him square in the face. “What did I do wrong?!”

“Nothing!” he yells. His heart is pounding. It's squeezing and twisting and it feels so bad that he nearly wants to dispossess the Vessel. “You didn't do anything wrong! It's not you! It's—”

“If you say ‘It’s not you, it's me’, I'll kill you! I'll really kill you!”

“I’m already dead!”

“Then I'll beat your ass!”

“You can't beat my ass! You're not strong enough!”

“Then I'll banish you! I'll spray Jiji with hot water everyday and I won't let you come out! Not even to have Pampy! Not even to play with Okarun!”

The Evil Eye’s mouth drops open. “That's fucking mean!”

“You're fucking mean!” You look at him, and your gaze is so watery and pained that the Evil Eye can't help but go to you. He doesn't realise that he's wiping away your tears until his fingers are wet, and he can’t find it in himself to push you away when you press your face into his shoulder and cling to him. His arms—no, the Vessel’s arms; it must be the Vessel doing this—tighten around you.

“Why—why don't you love me?” you whine between hiccups, and the Evil Eye should call you foolish for expecting him, a spirit who intends to kill all of mankind, to ever love a human. To think that you could spend all these years around him and be so delusional about his true nature—is it that you've forgotten that he drives people to suicide? That his intent is to someday kill all of you, after killing Okarun? The spirits of the House scream at him to grab your face and force you to look at his hideous third eye, to remind you of what he is, to say you're a human you should die like the rest of them you’re as guilty as all of them, you would lock me in a cage too, you would burn me alive and bury my bones beneath a House.

Instead, he rubs your back until your breath begins to even out. And rather than grabbing you and threatening you, he clears his throat.

“I'm… a vengeful spirit,” he says lamely. “Love just isn't something that's in our nature.”

“Why not?” you sniff.

“‘cause if it were, we wouldn't be vengeful. We wouldn't even be ghosts in the first place, probably.”

“B-but,” you whimper, “we've been dating for so long. We live together and sleep together and eat together. You take care of me and I take care of you. We go on dates and hold hands. We even have sex—like, a lot of sex. You initiate it!” You sound accusatory, and the Evil Eye doesn't understand why. Of course he wants to have sex with you; it's one of the most addictive things about having this body. The part of the living world he wants most, nowadays. “If you didn't feel anything for me, why would you do any of that?”

He bristles. “Of course I feel something for you,” the Evil Eye says, oddly agitated. “Just ‘cause I can't love doesn't mean I can't feel. Resentment is what anchors ghosts to this world in the first place.”

“Then what do you feel for me, if not love?” Your fingers dig into the Vessel’s white suit. “Resentment?”

The Evil Eye stares blankly. He doesn't know how to describe it all—the longing, the greed, the envy for the Vessel. The euphoria and closeness of being inside you, a feeling so good that he didn't even know that such joys existed when he was human. The idea of living in a House filled with wedding photos, the thought of making babies with you that he might hold and touch and kiss. So many things that he never had in life. So many things that he can't help but want in death.

So many things that he can't help but want to trap you for them.

“...no, I don't resent you,” he says. “It’s more like I wanna curse you.”

He expects you to cry more—after living for such a long time among humans, he now has enough manners to understand that it is rude to curse someone who has only ever treated you with unconditional love, even if in error—but instead, you become strangely quiet.

You pull away from him so that he can see your face. It's—hopeful?

“You wanna curse me?”

“Yeah. Curse you—haunt you, possess you, control you.” He shrugs. “The usual things that ghosts do when they're so attached to something that they can't move on. You know.”

“Oh.” You wipe your eyes, and the Evil Eye has to stop himself from helping. “I'm so happy.”

“...you're what?”

“I'm so happy that you feel that way about me.”

He stares at you. “You're happy that I wanna curse you?”

“Yeah.”

The Evil Eye studies you. You never react to him in ways that make sense—you’re endeared by him when you should be afraid; you treat him sweetly when you should be callous; you even seem to enjoy his violence when everyone else always punishes it. Now you’re touched by the idea of being cursed.

“Why?” he asks flatly. “I thought you wanted to be loved. Or make love. Something like that.”

You give the Evil Eye a long, thoughtful look.

“Jashi,” you start, voice gentle now, “what do you think love is supposed to look like?”

A married couple in a House. A baby in his mama’s arms. Three children dancing in a field, giggling in the sunlight.

“Dunno.” When you stare at him, as if expecting something, he grows agitated. “I said it's not in my nature. Talk to the Vessel about that stuff, not me.”

One of your brows arches. “Why? You're my husband”—his heart kicks violently at that; he hates this fucking body sometimes—“I want to know what you think love looks like. And besides…” Your voice gets all quiet, and you look away. “It’s not like Jiji would necessarily agree with my views anyway.”

That gets his attention. “What do you mean?”

You hum. “How do I explain it… well, for example—if I found happiness with someone else and left to be with them, Jiji would be heartbroken, but he would be happy for me. Because he loves me, it's ultimately most important for him that I'm happy.”

A married couple in a House. Two corpses dangling from the rafters. A baby in his mama’s arms. A child suffocating in the darkness, crying for his parents. Three children dancing in a field, giggling in the sunlight. Starving in a cage nearby, I'm so hungry, I'm so cold. Unfair unfair I don't wanna die I wanna play with other children I want to dance in the field please please please why can't I touch you why can't I hold you why why why—

“That's fucking stupid,” the Evil Eye blurts out.

“But that's what he’s told me—and I believe him.” You smile at him. “Now, how do you think I'd react if someone took you or Jiji away from me?”

This feels like a trick question. He squints at you. “The same?” he tries.

“That would be ideal. But honestly,” you admit, “I would resent you all for the rest of my life and then think about killing myself. That's what love looks like for me.”

“Oh.” The Evil Eye nods, relaxing. “Yeah, that makes way more sense.”

You laugh, sounding genuinely amused. “Jiji doesn't think so. It really worries him that I feel this way. It would worry most people, actually.” Then you get a little quiet. “I do want to get better for him, but it doesn't come naturally to me, the way that he loves me.”

He doesn't like the tone you're using—soft, uncertain. Mournful. You feel like one of the spirits in the House right now. He thinks about the way you cradled his bones, and his hold on you tightens.

“Where are you going with this?”

“I'm saying that I don't mind that you want to haunt me, or possess me, or whatever.” Your eyes are earnest. Steadfast with the confidence you had as you unearthed his grave. “To be honest, being cursed by you isn’t nearly as frightening as being loved by Jiji.”

The Evil Eye cups your face, thumbing away your tears. Would you cry like this if you knew what it would mean, to be possessed by him? Would you regret your offer to him, the way that the Vessel regrets his? Or would you stare at his true face as you did at the altar and vow to love him anyway?

Instead of asking you any of this, he allows you to loop your arms around his neck.

“I want you to make love to me,” you murmur sweetly as you climb atop him, and that makes him pause.

Two corpses dangling from the rafters. A child suffocating in the darkness, crying for his parents. Starving in a cage nearby, I'm so hungry, I'm so cold. Unfair unfair unfair why can't I touch you why can't I hold you why why why—

“I said I don't know how to do that.”

“Fine,” you say, and then you’re pressing your lips against his, grinding your cunt against his hardening cock. “Then curse me instead.”

VI. THE DEMON

You've always known that the Evil Eye couldn't love you in a normal way.

It was obvious from the outset, simply cataloguing him for what he is: a monster born from human sacrifice; a curse that drives people to madness, to suicide; a thing that regularly exploits Jiji for his body and makes him commit violence against his will. Jiji and Okarun and the rest might be delusional about the Evil Eye nowadays—thinking that he's just like a kid, that he just wants to play, that he’s in love and wants to get married and play house—but you are not. He can't play with Okarun in normal ways, and he can't love you in normal ways. Every desire ends in blood. That's how it began for him, after all. How he was born.

Your mind has always known this, but your body only learned it the first time you had sex. The Evil Eye doesn't know how to make love to you the way that Jiji does. You’ve tried countless times now, and he's even demanded that you make him do it that way so that he knows what the Vessel gets to feel during sex with you. You've kissed him deep and slow, gently touched him until he felt desire, taken him inside you and pressed your forehead to his. Just like that, you encouraged him countless times, you're doing so good. Good boy. You're doing so well. I love you.

You always end up with your face pressed into the mattress, cheeks wet with tears and throat hoarse from screaming. Sore and bruised and fatigued and it's too fast, it's too big, I can't, please, and with any other man you'd probably hate it but when it's Jashi you always end up moaning and begging for more. You'd always thought you’d be disgusted with yourself for having this kind of sex, but with him, you feel too good to really care. All you can think about is his teeth marking your neck, the cruelty of his rough hands, how his cock fills you so well that you can hardly breathe.

He’s taken you like this countless times, but something feels different about it right now. It might be the incense, so thick in your throat and your lungs that you're dizzy with it. It might be the fragrant petals crushed beneath you, soft and strange things that you stole from your wedding altar. Flowers for the dead, the priest had said to you, given to the ancestors, or to bodies as they're lowered into the ground.

You think maybe that's happening to you, right now: you’re dying, you're being torn apart, you’ll break in Jashi’s hands. It'll leave a mark on your body for a lifetime, forever—and you don't need to be saved.

But even after being fucked so many times, even after your mind has been made so hazy and distant, you're still trying so hard not to come apart at the seams. An agonizing pressure is building in your belly, and you can't let it burst. It’s inconvenient when you get too wet; it makes Jashi switch, which is normally hilarious but would feel catastrophic right now, when you’re drunk on the feeling of his cock inside you and don't want any of this to end. But it's so hard, keeping yourself from drenching him—you can hardly think when he's fucking you like this, let alone control yourself.

“I c-can't anymore,” you whine. “Jashi, you gotta stop, I need a break, please—”

Jashi doesn't care. He takes and takes and takes, and of course he does. It's in his nature as a vengeful ghost, as an existence so empty it can't do anything but consume the life around it. It's not enough that you’ve been ruined by his cock, that you're being used like a fleshlight. It's not enough that he’s made you cum countless times—not out of consideration to you, but simply because he's addicted to the feeling of you squeezing and milking him. It's not enough that he's spilled himself inside you more times than should be possible, uncaring of the consequences. It's not enough, it's never enough—he always needs more from you; more tears, more begging, more feverish, white-hot pleasure.

You shouldn't be surprised when you feel his hips start to stutter again, his cock twitching inside you. Some distant part of you is alarmed anyway, even as your cunt tightens around him, eager to be filled. You've never let anyone fuck you raw before tonight, never had anyone fill your womb up like this—not him and not Jiji; you've always been too afraid of pregnancy—but with each passing moment, it is harder to remember why. Not when it feels so good to be pumped full by him, your body flooded with a strange warmth each time. Unnatural, you keep thinking, this feels weird, he's doing something to me, he's cursing me, he's claiming me. But all you do is wrap your legs around his waist when he cums again, greedy for more, and you sigh in relief at the feeling of it.

He has to stop after this. He has to be sated. He pulls out, his cock throbbing against your swollen pussy, painting it a creamy white—and then he throws your legs over his shoulders and sinks back into you.

“Nooo,” you moan, squirming, thrashing, knowing you'll burst if he fucks you again. “I can't, I can't—I can't hold it in anymore, I can't—”

“Then don't,” he grunts. He looks straight down at you, his weight heavy on you, oppressive, unnatural. You hold your breath as you look at his face—dark and vicious, the vibrant eye on his forehead enrapturing. For the first time in your life, you feel a madness creeping in as it stares at you, fraying at your control. You can't move, can't resist him, can't think, and when he starts thrusting again, your body floods with a euphoria so hot that all you know how to do is cry.

You’re going to break from the ecstasy.

“W-what,” you gasp, “what are you doing to—”

Something hits your sweet spot, and your voice clips off into a desperate whimper. His cockhead starts grinding against it, and you try so hard to squirm, to stop, to control yourself—but whatever he's done to you has made you weak, pliant, and you feel yourself start to pulse. Pinned beneath his gaze, you can neither get away nor fight it. You can only surrender. The pressure is too much, your womb is too hot, and suddenly your back is arching and you feel like you're dying as you gush all over him.

You're in hysterics as you come down, panting and gasping for breath. “No more, no more,” you beg, squeezing your eyes shut, clinging to him. You sob into the crook of his neck, and finally—finally—he relents.

He’s gentle as he pulls out, careful as he sets you down on the bed. Kisses pepper your cheeks, your eyelids, your lips. Then, finally—his forehead pressed against yours, lashes fluttering against your skin.

“You're alright,” Jiji murmurs. “You’re alright. I’ve got you.”

VIII. THE CURSE

The Evil Eye has cursed you.

Jiji saw it on your body: a sunburst of strange characters on your stomach, an eye in the centre. The Taoist priest had broken into a pale sweat at the sight, its implications: if anyone else tries to touch you, whether with the intent to do harm or pleasure, then the untold carnage will be wrought upon them. Should you ever try to leave the Evil Eye, he will drag you back with such violence that it will shatter you. That so long as that vengeful ghost is bound to this earth, then so too shall be you.

Jiji is less worried than he probably should be. He doubts that the Evil Eye would truly ever hurt you, and also doubts that you’re physically capable of leaving him anyway. Ever since being marked, you haven't been able to go a day without having either of them inside you—brutally if it is with the Evil Eye; gently if with Jiji. Either way, you’ve been desperate for their touch, plagued by an all-consuming lust if you can't have them. It puts a wrench into all the plans for your respective careers and for the long distance arrangement. Auntie Seiko plans to train you to suppress the curse, but it isn't sustainable.

Privately, though, there's a part of Jiji that doesn't mind the excuse to see you all the time. It’s not that he wants to deny you your freedom, quite the opposite, but—you're his beautiful wife. And he's ridiculously in love with you. He can't help but miss you every day you're apart, and he also can't bring himself to complain about this particular aspect of the curse.

He also understands the Evil Eye for doing this to you. Sure, cursing you wasn't Jiji’s first act as a newlywed—but he also kinda gets it.

Jiji shares dreams with the Evil Eye, sometimes. He sees within them everything that the Evil Eye has experienced—not just as a demon, but as a spirit, a child, a waif. Sometimes he hears the thoughts that he once had, the ones that made him turn vengeful: unfair, this is unfair let me go it hurts it hurts please stop please stop help me help me help me I don't want to die.

Doesn't anyone love me enough to save me?

After all that? Of course the Evil Eye doesn't experience desire the way that a human would. Of course playing with someone is the same thing as killing them. Of course loving someone is the same thing as cursing them. And the Evil Eye loves you—that much is obvious, would be obvious to Jiji even if they didn't share a body—so of course his instinct was to carve you open and mark you with his spell.

Jiji feels poorly about it sometimes, guilty and selfish and like he should have ended things after all. Then you'd be free to love whoever you want, without the threat of certain death looming over you. But then you smile at him in bed, so tender and pretty and glowing beneath him. “I'm glad I get to be with you both,” you sigh, and then he can't really complain. After all, you're his beautiful wife. Jiji is ridiculously in love with you. Of course he wants you to be happy.

If it really ever comes down to it, if you really ever wanted to leave—Jiji knows he'd have himself exorcised. He'd rather die than hurt you. But the possibility seems so distant right now, with how you're studying the stone monument before you. You seem peaceful, tranquil, a calm figure cut against a placid, blue sky. Jiji guesses that's appropriate: cemeteries are meant to be resting places.

This plot of gravesoil belongs to the Enjoji family, and there is a spot carved out for you, right next to the space reserved for him. You bear his surname now, so when the two of you pass, you’ll be allowed to rest side-by-side. He already knows what the Evil Eye would say to that: you'll live in a House together and make babies together and eventually die together and be buried together. And if Jiji could talk to him, if he could for once directly speak with the monster inhabiting him, he'd beam at him and say yeah, we sure are.

But the Evil Eye would miss one thing, and it's that he'd also be buried with you. He'd be buried with both of you.

In your hands is an urn, plain but dignified. It carries the ashes of a waif hundreds of years old, the remnants of a brutal sacrifice. The last step of a ghost marriage is to bury the bones of the bride with the remains of the groom, but you're an Enjoji now, and Jiji’s family does cremations, not burials. When the time comes, you'll be burned, and your ashes will be mixed with those belonging to Jashi. He’ll go before either of you: by the end of the day, his remains will be in the crypt, though Jiji doubts his spirit is going anywhere.

“We’ll be interred with each other, someday,” you say to the ashes, tender. “But first we’ll spend a lifetime together.”

Then you turn to Jiji, your smile sunlit. It's shy, because you're always shy around Jiji—even though he's now your husband and you’ve married him in front of five hundred people and he's made love to you every which way on every piece of furniture in the house since then—and you add, “And we’ll spend a lifetime together too.”

Jiji laughs. “I guess you're stuck with me,” he says, and a frown briefly overtakes your face.

“We’re all stuck with each other,” you correct him. “You're cursed as much as I am.”

“I guess.” He scratches his cheek, sheepish. “Sorry you ended up with a husband who’s possessed by a ghost.”

“I wasn’t talking about Jashi,” you say, and you seem a little uncertain, but Jiji can't help but smile. Partly because he appreciates it when you're earnest with him, but mostly just because he loves you.

“You're so beautiful,” he says, “did you know that?”

You huff at him, turning around. “You’re too much,” you chide, but he hears the fondness in your tone. Jiji grins, and—in the privacy of the cemetery—takes the opportunity to loop his arms around you. You giggle when he squeezes you, and then your voice goes quiet.

“I love you,” you say, “did you know that?”

“Uh huh.” He spins you around so he can waggle his brows and give you his most reassuring look. You snort violently at his expression. “It’s super obvious. You can't resist my charms.”

When your laughter passes, you look down at the ashes in your arms—the child that you carried out of the House.

“Do you think,” you ask, voice odd, “he knows that?”

Jiji’s eyes soften. Because he shares dreams with the Evil Eye, and sometimes he shares thoughts with him too—like the pain in his chest that's been aching ever since he found his parents hanging side-by-side from the second floor, the one that grew every time he found the body of a spirit medium, the one that choked him when his relatives called him cursed and slammed the door in his face. He slept on the ground in front of their house after that—he didn't want to go back to the place where his parents nearly died—and called Auntie Seiko the next day, when he realised that they truly didn't want him around.

Sometimes he shares dreams with the ghost haunting him, and when he screams in his sleep he can't tell if the voice in his throat is truly his or if it actually belongs to the Evil Eye. But no matter its origin, it goes quiet when you hold him in bed and kiss his forehead. Just like how it went quiet when you carried that skeleton out of the House.

Doesn't anyone love me enough to save me?

“Yeah,” Jiji says. “Yeah, he does.”

END

some general notes:

this was a weird fic to write. ordinarily I would write the evil eye as having a childish and immature narrative voice; however, I (1) had to balance it with an aged up characterization, and (2) did not want to get cancelled, so I instead ended up with something in-between that feels a little awkward

there is jiji-focused companion fic that is like 50% done about him fucking you nasty after he switches places with the evil on your wedding night. I will probably finish it and post it when s2 comes out LOL

i know this is not my best writing rip please forgive me

some cultural notes:

taoism has real-life sex magic practices and places a lot of significance on, err, certain bodily fluids in terms of spiritual energy. none of these beliefs have anything to do with getting cursed via freaky ghost marital sex, but they served as the general inspiration for the curse in the fic (alongside dandadan canon, which coincidentally also places a lot of spiritual significance in sex and sexual organs lol)

the vows recited by the reader are a modification of standard japanese wedding vows (found on Google, take with a grain of salt). incidentally, western-style weddings are apparently quite popular in Japan, hence the decision for the bridal dress.

a lot of the wedding details are inspired by chinese funerary practices in addition to actual taoist ghost marriages. I took a lot of creative liberties with the wedding scene in general; real-life ghost marriages are quite different (from my understanding; I have never attended one)

[sadlazzle]

i think i might wait until the new mh dolls at smyths go live n then buy all three cause i feel bad still :(

[angelicjas]

"WHY DONT YOU LOVE ME DADDY ? "

starring ꒱ gojo, s. geto, k. nanami.

sum ꒱ plethora of jjk men to fuel your daddy issues — which we all know you secretly have

wc: 2.3k

@warnings! ꒱ daddy!kink, age gaps, p in v, basic sex stuff, filthy smut, cumming inside, cunnilingus, degrading, praise, not rlly proof read, kind of buns but oh well. dumbification kinda, i think thats it lmk if not !!

SATORU GOJO; the sugar daddy.

that new bag you eyed for 2 seconds last week? you find it on the dining table with a note that simply writes, ‘enjoy baby!’. your amazon cart? shein cart? bought with fast shipping, no matter how expensive or full it is. those cute pants you keep seeing everyone on tiktok gloating about? bought and on your nightstand.

satoru, loved to spoil his baby in all sorts of shiny jewels and designer, he loved to see the big smile on your face no matter how many times he’s bought you things. when you go out for girls night? he’s sending you with a stack of money, the size and weight of atleast 1000 dollars cash, throwing it down as if it was a mere 20, his only request was to call him if you or your girls needed anything.

but what satoru loved most, was buying you pretty lingerie.

“mmh!- fuck. .” pap, pap, pap. was the only sound that could be heard in your shared bedroom, your body was wrapped in a light blue lace satoru had bought you, the light color matching his eyes beautifully, the panties were pulled to the side, since he claimed he just ‘had to fuck you with it on.’

“fuck baby, you look so gorgeous with this. .” he pants in your ear heavily, he had your legs on his shoulders, ankles to his ears,

“yeah, mmph- you’re taking me so well baby.”

you could barely register his words, the only thing on your mind was how fucking deep he was, you could feel him in your stomach as he hits that spongey spot deep inside over and over.

your jaw seemed to be stuck in a permanent ‘o’ shape, the only thing coming out of your mouth was the pornagraphic moans that you couldn’t seem to hide even if you wanted too.

your body was bouncing with every thrust, your eyes rolling to the back of your head on a particularly hard thrust.

“yeah, fuck- mhm, you look so fucking pretty, holy shit.” gojo never seemed to shut up during sex, even as he moans inbetween every word. he just felt like he had to let you know how good you look and feel.

the pleasure he was feeling made his body want to roll his head back so bad, but he refused to look away from the fucked out expression on your face.

gojo could also never keep his hands off you, caressing your hips, to your waist, down your arms.. groping and pawing at any skin he could get his greedy hands on.

his mouth was no better, when he wasn’t talking your ear off he’s kissing you sloppily, mostly containing of teeth clashing and tongues colliding more then actual lips touching, or kissing down your neck in a poor attempt to muffle his moans.

“t-toru!” you barely whimper out as more tiny ‘ah, ah, ah!’s leave your lips, he shushes you gently with a sinister grin plastered on his face. “I know baby, I know. you can take it thought right?” he whispers moving his head next to your ear, nipping at your skin lightly.

“hmm?” he hums in question, as if you were even able to answer.

“yes!, yes! holy fuck, yes!” you weren’t even quite sure what you were saying yes to at this point, the repeated jabs to your g-spot making you dizzy, you could feel the pleasure slowly become overwhelming.

“mmm,” he hums and speeds up his hips impossibly faster, causing more moans to usher past your lips unexpectedly. he tilts your chin to look at him, making you kiss him as your teeth bump together and your tongue’s tie. “good fucking girl.”

he breathes into your mouth as his eyebrows furrow, he knows you’re just as close as he is.

“g-g’nna cum!” you just barely find the words as you had been fucked utterly senseless. he hums in delight into your mouth before pulling away, kissing and sucking at your neck sloppily,

“cum baby, please.” he begs as he feels you clench around him and chant his name like a mantra.

hearing his name swarm out of your mouth mixed with the way your tightness squeezed around his cock, it sent him over the edge aswell, moaning even louder then you as he buries himself deep in your wetness, letting the ropes of his warm cum spill into you.

SUGURU GETO; the kids you babysits daddy.

It’s probably wrong, the way the same night you tucked his girls into bed after reading them a sweet story, you’re downstairs getting fucked over the kitchen counter.

it was a side gig, an attempt as a broke college student to get some money, eventually you grew to love the two girls you babysat as if they were your own. it also helped that their dad was a fucking smokeshow.

the way you’d run home and tell your girlfriends all about how hot the kids you babysit's dad is, “id call him daddy.” you speak into the phone as you all giggle, in that moment you can also feel your heart drop to your stomach as you hear someone clear their throat from behind you.

“call who daddy sweetheart?” you hear your friends exchange “ooo’s” and laughs through the telephone as you slowly turn around, much to your horror, and see the same man you were just erotically speaking about..

“such a whore baby, is this really the way my children's babysitter should be acting? hm?” he had you in a mean arch, pounding mercilessly into you, the only sound throughout the kitchen being your muffled moans and the squelching beneath you two. you were bent over the kitchen counter, the same one you’ve made the girls food countless time.

it was wrong, you’re sure of that, but its hard to think about that when the only thing on your mind is how fucking deep he was, you swore you could feel him rearranging your guts with each harsh thrust, he knows how to hit that spongey spot deep inside with perfect precision over and over, much better then all those stupid college hook-ups you had.

“s-sugu!, so deep! . . s-shit!” you hear a menacing laugh behind you, mocking you.

realistically, suguru always knew you found him attractive. he could tell by the way your eyes lingered a little to long when you thought he wasn't paying attention, but he always was. he kept a keen eye on you because, frankly, he was also head over fucking heels.

he thought you were the cutest little thing, always showing off in those cute dresses and skirts that hugged your body so tightly, even the days where you wore sweatpants and tracksuits he found himself drooling, still imagining what was underneath.

call him a pervert all you want, especially going for a girl so much younger, so naive. but you were just as much of a pervert. always bending over a little to far in front of him, showing off your cute dainty panties. hugging him a bit to tightly as you left, making sure your boobs pressed riiiight up against him.

which is why he wasted no time bending your little slutty ass over as soon as he could.

“cmon baby, do what you told your friends, yeah?” his head tilts lower, giving open mouth kisses over your neck and down your back, groaning against your skin everytime he feels you clench around his cock.

“mmm-!” you could barely form a coherent thought, hearing the ‘schlick, schlick, shlick’ noises of your messy cunt drooling around him.

“f-fuck! can’t- jesus-!” you stutter out, your eyes crossing as you throw your head back impossibly farther, making suguru reach for your hair and grab it into a sloppy ponytail.

he pulls you by the makeshift pony so your right up next to his own face, “not gonna ask again, little girl.” the husk in his tone, the vile words he’d say, all made you clench tighter and moan louder, biting your bottom lip until it was raw and swollen from trying to contain them.

“s-sorry!” you moan out, the sound of your skin clapping with the wet noises echoing louder throughout the kitchen.

“daddy! fuck fuck- daddy, daddy, daddy!” you can barely contain your screams as he hushes you gently, all with the same sly smirk on his lips that hasn’t left ever since he walked in on your little phone conversation.

“thatsss it,” he groans feeling his own orgasm creeping up. “atta girl, so fucking good.” you felt like you could cum from his words alone, tightening around his shaft once you feel that familiar pleasure consume you.

“c-c’mming!” is all you can manage to get out before it hits you like a fucking train. your legs are shaking, eyes rolled back, uncontainable moans spilling from your lips.

looking at your disheveled state, suguru moans against you burying himself deeeep inside your tummy, what really pushed him over that edge was one more small tight hug from your pussy, causing warm ropes to shoot into you as you squirm, still trying to recover.

“whoopsies, maybe you’ll just have to carry our own kids, hm?”

oh fuck.

KENTO NANAMI; daddy issues daddy.

your relationship with your father was…never great, to say the least, it caused a few problems in your life, sure, but the main one, was the attraction you had in much older men. your friends never understood, i mean, why don’t you want a young guy that can handle you? or a guy your age you can grow old with?

they didnt understand, of course they wouldnt. an older man can throw you around much better then any young guy you’ve been with ever could.

which is why nanami, who you happen to meet at a bar, is practically your dream man ever since the moment you laid eyes on him.

“come here often handsome?” you sit next to him with a seductive smile, leaning your elbow on the bar and resting your cheek on it. he simply turns to look at you, and with an amused huff shakes his head.

“very nice sweetheart,” you can feel your heart swoons at the name. “but im far to old for you.” tch, yeah right.

you aren’t exactly sure how you got where you are now, whether it was the booze, your head being clouded with lust, or maybe both, but your seated in the back of his fancy ass car, with him between your legs.

“you don’t have to do that y’know, if you don’t want too.” you pant looking down at him, I mean afterall no man you’ve ever known has ever really wanted to eat pussy. yet, he still shoots you a perplexed look, shaking his head aggressively.

“I want to,” the words catch you off guard yet make the ache between your thighs even louder. “need to teach you how a real man does it, hm?”

you moan simply at his words and nod your head, throwing your head back as he continues his work kissing along your thighs, humming here and there.

he eventually, comes face to face with your glistening cunt, blowing on it causing your legs to squirm shut, before he quickly grabs ahold of them, now putting your knees allll the way up to your chest, you whine at this before it quickly gets cut off with a real moan once he swipes his tongue through your folds, humming into your wetness.

his tongue swirls around, collecting and swallowing every ounce of your slick as if he was a dehydrated puppy. you’ve never been eaten out with so much . . pleasure? every guy that’s done it before was either terrible at it, completely missing and licking the lips, or just plain hated it anyway.

“mmh- shit. . . feels s’ good.” your head lolls back and more whimpers escape past your lips blissfilly, his lips curl to suckle your sensitive clit, causing you to grab at his hair and whine loudly.

“fuck- so needy baby.” he pants into your soaked hole, mixed with your arousal and his spit. “she’s never been treated right has she? poor thing.” he coos and speaks to it as if it was a real person,

the filthy wet noises emitting from between your thighs only turned you on more, between the constant torture to your clit mixed with his dirty talk? you knew you were a goner soon.

his tongue explored you as much as he could, thrusting the wet muscle into your opening as you needily moan from above him, the grip on his once put together hair, becoming tighter. he sped up, tongue lapping at your essence as he switches between suckling on your clit, to drinking up your dampness.

“s-shit! wait- . . nanami!” the sudden change in pace causes your legs to shake and much louder moans to escape your lips.

unfortunately, everyone that could see the car definitely knew what was going on inside. not only could they hear, but could probably see the car shaking.

your head flew back and your legs attempted to clam together again before a harsh smack! landed against your thigh, causing a whimper to escape your lips.

“keep ‘em open.” the man speaks between your thighs.

“’m close, so f’ckin close-!” the windows were fogged with heat already, nanami slurping at a quickened pace, never failing to reach the most sensitive parts inside of you.

you can feel your climax approaching, the warmth in your belly growing with lust,

“cum.”

was all it took for your legs to shake and your body to writhe and twist above him, he continues to gulp at your creaminess until you ride out your orgasm and have to practically push him off of you.

“wanna see how a real man fucks angel?”

hell yeah you do.

-

toji was supposed to b in this but i got lazy

[nativegirltapes]

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ drew had invited you to his monthly game night with his castmates, you were a nervous wreck, thinking maybe tonight he'd finally ask you to be his girlfriend, but no, drew had other plans after dragging you to his friend's empty room . . . .

warnings: drew not wanting to commit, fingering, reader is shy and a nervous wreck, this is rlly short lol pairing: drew starkey x younger!reader (not angel)

"you don't really think this could work? do you?" drew chuckled, you were much younger than him but he didn't take you as the naive type, it surprised him. "we're just having fun, yeah?" his head found it's way in your neck, his hot drunk breath hitting your skin, making it hard to say no despite his words hitting you like a knife. "you'll find someone who's into all that shit eventually." he huffed.

you practically shook under his touch, god he made you so nervous, the type of nervous you kind of hated but couldn't stay away from. "your friends are nice." you sighed as his lips sucked on the sensitive part of you neck, trying your best to suppress the moans that wanted to leave. your babydoll dress rode up as his hand made its way between your thighs. "yeah? tell me more."

"yeah, they're super welcom-" you cut yourself off as drew shoved his fingers in you with no warning. "welcoming." you finished your sentence. "i didn't think they'd like me." you sighed out, closing your legs on drew's hand, he continued kissing your neck.

"why wouldn't they like you?" drew's breath hit your neck for a third time, but this time sending shivers down your arms. your chest rose and fell as you drew's thumb rubbed circles around your clit. his big fingers felt so good, you couldn't even respond to his question. "m'gonna come." you moaned out, gripping onto drew's bicep.

"come baby," he whispered. you let out a big huff as you came undone all over drew's fingers. you always got embarrassed, if only you knew how much drew enjoyed your face getting all flustered. drew licked his fingers, "you're so fucking hot."

you giggled, situating yourself and your dress back to normal. "so, why did you think my friends wouldn't like you?"

[weirdogirl888]

hii i’m the same one who did the masochism ask… ngl it could go both ways but me personally i’d prefer it to be the reader 🥹🥹

donnie x masochistic!reader

y’all arnt ready, also i wrote this as headcannons but changed it into a one shot cuz i kept yapping so it’s not as good as i could’ve done but i hope u enjoyed

tw: smut, spitting, slapping, choking, mentions of anal, this is rlly bad i’m sorry

you and donnie have always been in agreement that sex was used to take out the frustrations you both had in your lives into each other during sex. you both thought it made the sex way better and also you felt better the days after.

donnie always was curious whenever you made his hand grip your neck and would lead you to smile and roll the eyes in the back of your head. you couldn’t have enjoyed that, could you? what about being cut off from a source of oxygen was making you turned on? donnie had tons of questions, and whenever the thought of you being into the pain ran by his mind, an erection and a smirk immediately followed

one time before sex donnie asked if he could be rougher with you than usual, and you literally dropped to your knees and stared at him in full seriousness “i’m your doll, use me”

at first it began with donnie slapping and pinching your tits which let out a pathetic moan from you and a light bulb turn on from him. he started getting rougher, he’d spit on you and say such sweet things in your ear that almost acted as if he wasn’t treating you like dirt right then

“your so pretty acting like my little slut for me baby. all mine to abuse, right?”

“all yours donnie” you whined with closed eyes

“yea thought so” he said before flipping your ass in the air

one time your parents were out of town so you guys decided to watch a movie in the living room. donnie really wanted to keep watching but you kept grinding on him so he couldn’t focus whilst spooning you and decided to teach you a lesson.and that’s how you ended up naked, ass up in the air and the top half of your body around the arm of the couch while donnie, fully clothed, had a perfect view of your ass and running pussy.

“is this what you wanted? to be played with? why do you crave my attention that fucking badly?” he said delivering another hard smack to your ass, which was already so fucking red from the previous 20 whole minutes.

you whined in response your hole sat wet and achey. donnie thought you’d have enough punishment and plunged his digits into you, causing you to moan loudly from the unexpected insertion. he always felt so fucking good. you completely let go of any support and just let your body hang over the couch, the arm pushing into your stomach

“you look so hot at my disposal, bet i could do anything to you right now” donnie’s thumb rubbed your asshole implying something you never even imagined, you moaned in terror

“i’m just kidding doll, maybe when you’ve been really bad i’d fuck you that hard. but wouldn’t you like it? being my anal princess.”

“is my pussy not enough for you?” your voice muffled

donnie laughed “got me there, speaking of” in an instant , he pulled your entire body only the couch do your back hit the soft cushions

“how’d you like another kind of didget to fill you up?” he said smiling.

[pupyuj]

god couldn’t have made g!psakura real because he knew i’d be on my knees 24/7 365 days full time NEVER stop

g!p kkura... 🤤🤤🤤

thinking of g!p kkura being your toy 🥺 every time you come home from work, even more stressed than yesterday, kkura has to prepare to be up all night bcs you will literally not allow her to do anything else but fuck you until you were satisfied... you can be pretty cruel with it too :(( kkura would be crying and begging for you to let her stop bcs she would be so exhausted after coming inside you for what seems like hours and hours :((( but like as tiring as it was, kkura will still try her very hardest to pleasure you, which explains why she doesn't mind being used by you like this.. 🫣

kkura would like being used better if she were equally as horny... letting you put a collar and a leash on her bcs she's rlly just ur pet! her whining against your pussy bcs you refused to let her put her dick inside you until she was able to make you come using her mouth :(( pleading eyes looking up at you, so desperate for some praises and while she really was doing well, you're so mean that you shake your head and push her further down to your cunt,, getting so close to your climax bcs kkura was literally eating you out but not giving her the satisfaction of actually making you come so you tug on her leash and pull her away from your pussy,, "forget it. fuck me." and why would kkura even think to refuse???

aaaaaa making her pound you from behindddd 😵‍💫😵‍💫 her thick cock stretching your tight pussy in all the right ways, hitting all those spots and making you see the stars with each thrust... kkura moaning and whimpering, head thrown back as she moves her hips in a relentless pace, never having enough of your warm pussy no matter how long or hard she fucks you,, her nails digging through your hips, getting faster and faster that it gets messy...

"f-fuck, kkura..! just like that... good pet.. fuck!!" mmjsgjndk your screams only bringing her closer and closer to cominggg 😩 pulling on her leash again to bring her face down to yours, "faster. ruin me, sakura. do it." shiiiit she could've come right there!! 😳 sakura having to hold onto the bedsheets bcs she just starts slamming her cock inside you to the point it hurts but christ, as much as you berate her, sakura was actually so criminally good at fucking you 🤤🤤🤤 letting go of the leash and holding sakura's hand to ground yourself :((( her kissing your shoulder as she fucked you?? whispering sweet things in your ear even though you've been mean to her all night...

one more thrust and sakura came inside you. a lot. her warm seed filling up your womb as it should,, see... sakura really shouldn't be surprised after you flipped your positions and sat on her sensitive cock,, wrapping the leash around your hand and tugging on it lightly, pulling her up and pecking her forehead,, since sakura's always so kind to you, it makes sense that you reward her for it!! and what better way to do that than ride her until you break her?? 😳

[ediewentmissing]

some of my eddie munson headcanons

1. loves liquorice.

i know a lot of you guys probably HATE liquorice, but something about him screams ‘i am a liquorice lover and proud of it!!’. and he doesn’t like the strawberry kind.

2. races to press the button in the elevator

“MOVE OUT OF THE WAY, YOU LITTLE SHIT!” “EDDIE, IT’S MY TURN!”

3. was rlly short before he hit puberty

eddie has obviously been subjected to a hell of a lot of bullying over the years, and just to add to that pile of angst, we have the idea of short eddie. gareth went through the same thing, except he didn’t grow as much. “how’s the weather down there, munson?” “fuck off, tommy.”

4. he’s either really hot or really cold

he’s wearing 3 layers half the time, and as little clothing as he can the other half. freezes during winter and sweats his ass off during the summer.

5. gets sensitive teeth

this is because he’s made himself eat a basket worth of lemons just to brag about it later on multiple occasions

6. enjoys watching b movies

those shitty low budget films? oh, yeah. eddie loves them. for one reason; he cackles the whole time over how crap they are. a great pick-me-up.

7. chews on things when he spaces out

the inside of his cheek, his lip, a pencil, and you can’t forget that one time he chewed on a pen for so long that all the ink spilled into his mouth and he was gagging in the middle of class

8. had a major crush on princess daphne from dragon’s lair

definitely fought over her with his friends. he was incredibly jealous of dirk the daring.

9. doesn’t like trying new foods

he’s attached to foods from when he was a kid (macaroni and cheese, cereal, mini pizzas, grilled cheese, and dishes from his mum) and refuses to branch out - unless you ask him to

10. swears he only listens to metal, but doesn’t

he wants to keep his ‘scary ‘music’ reputation, but it’s hard to do that when robin finds eddie’s abba and wham! tapes tucked away in his room

“i thought you were a, and i quote, ‘strictly metal-only’ guy, but i guess you were just a big pop fan this whole time” “quit it, robin”

he also doesn’t mind the country music wayne forced onto him when he was younger

11. twirls the phone cord around his finger

when he’s talking to you over the phone, you swear you can picture him clear as day; big sly grin plastered on his face, and his ringed finger wiring around the phone cord connected to the wall

12. graffitis

but only in the school bathroom cubicles and the hideout bathroom cubicles. occasionally you’ll go to one of his gigs, and then you’ll go to the toilet and there’ll be little drawings on the wall. a guitar, eddie the head, and the occasional shameless penis

13. used to ride bikes everywhere

USED to because he fell over while riding it when he was 9 and scraped his knee and declared he would never ride a bicycle again (thought that declaration broke in 1986)

14. loves roller coasters

specifically ones that take pictures of you - he loves to act all calm and collected while everyone else is screaming their heads off

“eddie, this is a terrible photo” “no, it’s a terrible photo of YOU. you look like you’ve shit yourself, and i look cool as ice”

15. thought babies hatched out of eggs

safe to say that when he learnt how babies are REALLY made, he was flabbergasted and very, very grossed out

[prettyboykatsuki]

what do uou mean sae is easy to get into a relationship but hard to make him stay.. that literally gave me the ick what the fuck man

JDKSHFKJ NO NO HE WILL STAY BUT U WONT WANT TOO RLLY

its easy to confess and date sae he just agrees on a whim and he finds u pleasant but tbh he's kind of a shit boyfriend at first LMAOOO. and it's not that he can't be a good one but he just??? does not put the necesary effort in at the start. he treats the relationship TOO lightly. he never breaks up w u tho and he's not even like ???? IT'S NOT THAT HE'S NEGLECTFUL. u just dont think he like really cares

to me u like break up and make-up w sae quite a few times bc he just sucks. he realizes too late that he actually is really in love with you and u kind of have to make him grovel and pine and suffer so he gets his shit together and expresses himself better. he's weirdly stoic?? like u think rin is the stoic one but that man is SENSITIVE LMAOO his nonchalance is fake

sae is acc nonchalant tho so even though he's not the worst bf ever u just get a very mixed signal from him. dating him when he's being decent is easy but he just. sucks sometimes. doesn't text enough, postpones dates, doesn't do well w boundaries and doesn't listen well.

but then he has moments where he is extremely thoughtful and romantic and kind and you just wonder like bitch why r u not like this all the time. and that's a damn good question!!!!!!!

he gets there i promise bc once it hits you're the one he is does a total 180 but he just like. idk. takes for granted your genuine love for him. he's always had rlly shallow relatiomships before u so he assumes you'll be the same and doesn't realize how untrue that is. u just genuinely like him as a person - not as a famous soccer player. he has had hard times w that before.

BUT HE IS AN AMAZING BF ONCE U MAKE IT TO THE OTHER SIDE LMAOOO

[ninyard]

Nicky: yeah he slept with a chair in his room and a knife nearby so we think he’s just insane

Neil: ……

No but rlly, no matter how you feel about Nicky, on one hand I am an outside observer so reading this exchange I’m like “oh ffs obviously that’s not why! That makes no sense!” But then I think about it more and it’s actually probably really realistic? Nicky doesn’t know what andrew went through, he probably didn’t think his life in foster care was that bad, that kind of abuse just isn’t on his radar bc he’s had different experiences and exposures, so the possibility of anything else just doesn’t cross his mind, plus he’s already biased to think andrew is just naturally “like that” bc that’s the assumption he’s already been operating under, plus the natural inclination of ppl to not want to see awful things. It makes sense for him and Aaron that that’s the conclusion they come to, and that makes me so mad at the world for reasons I can’t quite articulate

Sorry for hitting you with this out of nowhere I actually meant to say something else but idr what bc I clicked the ask button and this is what came out instead xD

Oh 100%. I GET it. I understand why everyone has this perception of Andrew that he’s, in their own words, a monster. That he’s a loveless, emotionless sociopath. Imagine Aaron, excited to meet the twin he didn’t even know he had, and the first thing he says to you is fuck off, fuck you, leave me the fuck alone?

Imagine you meet the cousin you didn’t even know you had, and for some reason you don’t know about, he’s been in your house for how long? He’s been there for how long before he’s made an enemy out of your father, out of your aunt, he won’t talk to the cousin you did know about, he’s angry and depressed and he keeps knives under these arm bands he refuses to take off? He’s like Aaron in a different shade, like the dark version of a person already dark and destroyed. But he won’t talk to you. Why won’t you talk to us, Andrew? And all you get in response is a knife, or a blank stare, or a fuck off, fuck you, leave me the fuck alone?

Then your aunt is dead, and he’s alive, and the cousin you did know about is grieving and angry, and you, Nicky, who has fought so hard to keep the peace in your household, are now surrounded by negativity, and anger, and past problems that nobody fucking wants to deal with?

I get it.

Then they’re at Eden’s, and he hears it over his shoulder, the shouted slur. And then Andrew, who barely even talks to him anyway when they’re out drinking is on top of this stranger in a flash. And there’s blood, and the stranger stops fighting back. But Andrew’s fists keep coming back, and keep coming back, and keep coming back.

He nearly kills him. He nearly kills him. He nearly kills him. For you. Because you don’t know that he’s gay. You don’t know the weight of the word shouted your way. He’s protecting you. He’s protecting you.

You’re scared of him. He gets locked up. Whatever the timeline is pre-tfc. You’re scared of the cousin you didn’t know you had.

I get it.

But imagine being Andrew. They don’t ask what happened. They take the courts word for it when they say you’re a danger to society. They take the courts word for it when they say your depressive episodes are a danger to yourself. You tried. You tried to tell someone, but it’s a misunderstanding, and god’s intention, and your fault. So why bother trying again?

You spend all this time on this medication that makes you feel worse than anything you’ve ever been on - you spend years of your life in this haze, a mixture derealisation and constant and unending mania. You’re sick without it. You’re sick on it. You don’t remember who you are without it. You don’t want to know who you will be without it.

And imagine being Andrew, and it takes being violated in your cousins childhood bedroom, or just a room in his childhood home, for them to finally get it? Your autonomy stolen from you. Your secrets exposed without permission, again. Your consent is never your own choice. It never has been.

Oh and then let’s think about Nicky. And all that’s in his head is ANDREW IS WORSE WITHOUT HIS MEDS.

Maybe he hears the laugh from the bottom of the stairs. Maybe he only hears Neil talking about it. ANDREW WAS LAUGHING. HE WAS LAUGHING. HE WAS VIOLATED AND DESTROYED AND COVERED IN BLOOD AND HE WAS LAUGHING.

And this has happened before?

And Drake was not the only one?

Does it make sense now?

Is he a sociopath or was he made to be that way? Is he crazy or was this someone else’s fault? Does he protect his family because nobody protected him?

Why didn’t he tell me? Why did this happen under the roof of my family home?

In theory I hate how they don’t know what Andrew is really like. How they’re afraid of him off his meds. But it makes sense why. I get it. Why the fuck would they not think that?

But I think they understand how wrong they were eventually. I think they see how he might not smile anymore - but he is much happier now.

[emberunderscore]

guys im going crazy with the edits over here (im sure this has been done with this song before but idc i wanted to)

also guys im going to include the rambling in the actual edit post this time because i actually cannot contain myself . (i went on and on for this one i had a lot of thoughts )

OK BIG ONE COOL ONE WHEN IT SAYS "I'm a worthless human being" there is an overlay during the word "worthless" of the prison scene and the word worthless is layed over sherbert's forehead, think of it like the word worthless and failure going hand in hand because icarus doesn't belive they are worth anything if they are not useful and they cannot be useful if theyre a failure which they wholeheartedly believe they are THATS IT THATS MY FAVORITE PART OF THIS EDIT (not really but shshshshs)

ok back to being in order

"I had left you" and "I forgave you" being right next to each other is SO PERFECT because that part is referencing the cave obviously and immediately after centross dies icarus is like 'get the fuck away from me why did you do that, holy shit you were gonna kill me' and then he tells them he can bring centross back and they immediately forgive him (and its not rlly great editing wise cause obviously theres not much contrast between the clips but the sacrifices we make are very small)

"I forgot you" this line is kinda hard to understand how ive coded it cause centross is on the screen so it kinda makes it seems like im saying they forgot centross but NO! they forgot about fable, they were so focused on bringing centross back that they completely lost sight of fable and his actions and how that hurt everyone around them

then the "said you loved me" I LOVE PUTTING VOICELINES IN EDITS CHAT. I LOVE IT SO MUCH AHHHH. i love when the words and they go together and theyre similar and i go crazy . im knawing at the bars of my enclosure

(i was going to put a voicline of fable's 'you will not survive' from cathedral of war in this part, but only chose not too cause it made the audio too chaotic but its still the clip from when he said that so just KNOW) i really love the "said you'd kill me" part. it just looks really cool to me, please appreciate my work thank you goodnight <3

THE WHOLE NEXT PART. THE BEAT DROP IF YOU WILL.

the text is all shaky, the way ive always imagined this part of the song in my brain is like full mental breakdown, hands pulling at hair hitting at your head . theres something inside of you and you want it OUT and you will hurt yourself to makes that happen . so thats kind of the vibe i wanted to portray, however . im not that skilled and capcut only has so many free text effects so . we make do. i also couldn't put that effect on all the text because for it to look right i couldn't use an 'in' animation for the text so having all of it just appear looked kind of weird so i had to comprimise a little

also the font is called "honest" which . if you know me i love putting subliminal messaging in my font usage when i can which i managed to do a couple times in this edit actually. the font is very jagged which fits for the idea of someone who's reaching their breaking point and all the rotation and bold and italics are all just thrown around there. making em all look interesting . for *flavour*

the other font that's got a cool title and this one i actually only picked because of the title and that's "innocent" its used in a lot of frames like "you possessed me", "you controlled me" and "or he'll hurt me" all times, the word 'me' uses the innocent font, because with the song it sounds like icarus is trying to remove any of the blame from themself, it was fable's fault because he manipulated me i didn't do anything wrong. so they see themself as 'innocent' which is also why that text is yellow cause its about icarus. i wouldn't have used that font if not for the title icl. but it also makes the times when that font isn't used all the more interesting, this can be seen most notably in "said you'd kill me", and both of the times in the "he's still speaking, speaking for me" parts , and i will let you cook on that cause not everything needs to be explained in great detail as much as id like to do that

most of the fonts at this one were just me throwing shit at a wall and seeing what fit the vibe ill be so fr, i knew i wanted a lot of variation cause its a chaotic sounding song and the colours also have very little thought when it comes to the difference between white/yellow/red for the most part . green is for fable and purple is just whatever the fuck i felt like .

final thing i'm going to say when it goes "i'm a [worthless human being" there is no text on that part and i just want it to be known on the record that it wasn't an accident and it was an aethetic choice and i can't come up with a bullshit important reason for why there's no text on the screen for that SINGLE PART and honestly it just looked so shit with text there but it also looks so out of place with it being the only part but im sure many of you didn't even notice there wasnt text there before i pointed it out so . i can also point out all the slightly off timings for you if you wanna see my creation through my critical self-loathing eyes /silly

[bootyquaker9000]

Future! Rise! Leo N$FW headcanons

ROTTMNT

🔞‼️N$FW

For everyone who is feral and down horrendous for this man😭 not proofread btw

- breeding kink 🤭 not even in like a he wants to get you pregnant way (he might tho), I think cumming inside you is his way of claiming you yk yk (and ofc respects if you don’t want him to)

- the moment you beg or ask him to cum inside you, he is. so fucking much. buckets. OMG he would pass out if you ever told him you love his cum

- size kink??? 🤭 perchance

- brat tamer but still gentle he doesn’t want to hurt you

- He HATES condoms. Honestly might not even own any. I can imagine that mutant genes are pretty weird so like idk if he can impregnate you anyways (and obviously if you don’t have a uterus you don’t have have to worry about that anyways)

- Switch. He can play both dominant and submissive roles perfectly, but prefers to be top

- but if his partner is on top he’s such a brat

- LOVES vibrators. Could and does use them on you for hours (inside you, on your clit/tip, on your nips)

- ^ and hey, if you wanna use one on him he’s not gonna complain at all

- ^along with that, this man WILL overstimulate you until you’re crying and begging your whimpers just make him so hard

- wouldn’t really be into is degradation or humiliation. he only wants to give praise and be praised. Would only degrade his partner if they REALLY wanted him to but after he feels really bad and lowkey embarrassed

- It turns him on so much and he could genuinely cum just from hearing his partner moan (or scream 🫣) his name

- very open minded to trying different and new things in bed

- He’s so fucking loud 😭 grunting, groaning, moaning (+ whimpering if he’s bottom)

- ^ he’s always loud, but he’s SO much louder when his partner is on top. especially when he’s getting head

- BIG INTO ORAL giving and receiving. will tell you how good you taste.

- FACE SITTING. After a long day of training and working all he wants is to come home and have you sit on his face.

- has THE dirtiest mouth 😭 praising tf out of you, telling you how tight you are, how good you feel, how hard you make him, etc.

- but he can also be rlly sweet w/ it too if he feels like. ex.: telling you how beautiful you look when you cum for him

- he is a FREAK in the freakiest way

- definitely at LEAST above average in terms of size

- steals your underwear

- god he is such a fucking tease 😭 loves to edge you until you’re practically in tears begging him to let you cum. he just wants to watch you squirm

- tying you up

- ^ will tie your hands behind your back with his mask while he’s hitting it from the back

- “I missed you so much” whispered to you as he slides it in after not seeing each other for a while

- UGH CALL HIM ‘SIR’ and he’s gonna bust right there

- riding his thigh 🤭

- ^ honestly just riding him in general drives him crazy

- Isn’t into slapping or any kind of pain really with the exception of you ass. it doesn’t matter if you got a fat ass or not he’s smacking that shit. leaving handprints on it fr

- He will fuck you in public with absolutely no shame even if you get caught

- ^ he could dick you down in the middle of Pizza Hut and be unfazed

- Quickies 🤭

- Really into roleplay

- He’s rough in bed but makes sure he’s not hurting you

- Holds your hand 🤭

- His heat/mating season is ROUGH. Both metaphorically and literally

- Cockwarming fan!!! specifically with you in his lap or while spooning

- MELTS if you tell him how good it feels, when you beg for more, really any kind of praise at all

- An ass guy all the way, but (if you have them) he also loves your tits

- loves watching you struggle and tells you how well you’re doing

- REALLY, really good aftercare

Things he would say in bed:

“You can take it.”

“For me?”

“That’s it…”

“Such a good girl/boy.”

“You’re doing so well…just a little bit more.”

“Hm? Use your words, baby.”

“Look at you…Poor thing. So needy.”

“Yeah, you like that? Bet you wanna cum so bad, huh?”

“I know you need it…just hold on a little bit longer.”

"That's right, baby. Just enjoy my cock."

"Too much? You love it, don't you?"

"You're mine, aren't you?"

“Stay just like that, beautiful.”

"You make me so hard just by being near you."

"You did so well, baby.”

“You feel so good.”

“Feel how much I love you?”

“Feel how much I need you?”

“Fuck, I’m gonna cum so hard for you.”

[tachiharastanacc]

Heyyyy love your posts

I thought about this after I read someone else’s post ( I think they called him tragic little f@ck? Not sure)

Imagine after hd reveal, port mafia starts to think back of all tachi’s behavior and words, then it hits them holy fuck this kid has some issues.

Like, there was a time when he tried to ignore his bleeding leg because ‘we got a mission and that is much more important nee-san!’ Or he was very scared of medica examination and when it ended, he asked so baffled ‘..that’s it?’ And I’m fairly sure he at least once said ‘orders make me who I am’ in front of others-probably gin of hirotsu-and they were just like oh, he’s very loyal. But now that they know how young he was when he joined the hunting dogs, they can’t help but feel bitter about that sentence. I think the reason tachi is desperate to follow orders are not only because government shaped him into perfect soldier, but he was desperate for love, affection and approval. Like, his parents told him they wished him dead instead of his brother! That is something sure will leave a scar on a CHILD.

I rlly want tachihara to learn how to be human again with the port mafia. Black lizards and chuuya probably will be the biggest help because, tachi is closest to black lizards-I think hirotsu will be able to be a father tachi never had-and chuuya has been through this. He knows how he’s feeling. Black lizards will be his family, his emotional support. And chuuya will be there, guiding him through the little things-that is normal as breathing to others but so, so foreign for him(them)-and tachihara feel so understood.

(Whoops rambled..if this does not make sense, pls don’t be mad!)

I’m furious actually /j

No, I just completely forgot I had an inbox lol. But yes!! I agree!!

I think the idea of them questioning everything they knew about him also is super interesting. Because they all saw him one way (reckless, brave, a lil dense sometimes), and everything is different when he comes back.

There’s a level of ‘was this all an act’ that takes a bit to get over. But at the end of the day, it’s still their Tachi, just a different side of him. Personally, Hirotsu specifically wouldn’t mind the quiet if he wasn’t worried out of his gosh darn mind.

Also, he 100% picks up on just how much telling Tachihara he’s proud of him affects him when Tachi isn’t trying really hard to act unbothered and cool.

Chuuya just assigning him self reluctant older brother even tho it was fully his idea. Verlaine’s kinda there too, but he doesn’t really know how to approach him in a way that won’t scar him for life (again) so he kinda just follows him around occasionally like some kind of depressed French cryptid.

This is 100% more terrifying than if he just approached him bc Tachihara fully is aware that he’s been stalking him and is convinced he plans on assassinating him.

Please always ramble to me abt Tachi and his families please lol

[bubblegyu00]

ZB1 LEGAL LINE AS FRAT BOYS

a/n : i lost the ask 💔

tw : mentions of drinking, drugs, sex (?), suggestive content, cussing, nsfw

mdni !!

• jiwoong

- the biggest asshole out of them i don't care fight me 💔

- will obsses over you at basically stalker level until you sleep with him cus he's delusional

- but the minute he gets you in bed he'll act like he doesn't even know your name — or he genuinely forgets a day later

- he probably doesn't remember half of the times he's ever fucked anyone cus it's not a big deal to him he was just horny

- has multiple girls thinking " guys i slept with jiwoong last night i think we might get together!! " but he's doesn't even remember what you look like 🙁

• hanbin

- a literal girl magnet

- like he could just sit there drinking and he'd get like three girls numbers in the span of an hour

- has a girlfriend for everyday of the week ( @lunicho is friday 😛 )

- he just has this certain charm to him that all the girls want a piece of him

- he's not as outgoing as the others, but he gets a good fraction of the girls

• zhanghao

- born to be valedictorian forced ( by ricky ) to be a man whore 🙁🙁

- no but frl i don't think he knows how insanely attractive and alluring he is — which is hard cus he lit has one girl on his lap, one girl under each arm, and like six other girls in the room wanting to talk to him ??

- but zhanghao is also rlly wanted because he is a man of mystery

- once you get into his pants ( which is a rlly hard thing to do — you go girl ) he's never speaking to you again

- like the minute he cums, he won't even look at you. like he'll literally go make a sandwich or something ??

- but out of all the ( 7 ) girls he's slept with, they say he's they best they've ever had. so now EVERYONE needs to experience zhanghao

• matthew

- DONT FALL FOR HIS TRICKS ‼️‼️‼️‼️

- has fucked the most girls.

- he likes to trick people with his sweet and caring demeanor, but really just wants his dick sucked 😛

- i feel like he'd be the only one to actually take you out on a date before he fucks you and then ghosts you 🥰 ( my standards are low..... )

- he's the most heartbreaking one cus he actually seems like such boyfriend materiel before he leaves you on read until he wants head again 💔

- but the girls always come back because he's literally in watch mojo for top 3 pussy eaters in the world

• taerae

- HE DOESNT GHOST YOU AFTER YOU FUCK 🎉🎉🎉🎉

- oh but he does fuck like twenty other girls while he's " dating " you

- he dates bunches of girls at the same time and they're all aware, but at least they're one of kim taerae's girlfriends ⁉️

- will take you on really good, perfect dates, but he's doing it to nineteen other people so it's not special 💔

- basically rotates girlfriends every two months, so that's sixty girls he's dating per year... you go rae 🥰

- his schedule is honestly so serious for him so the minute the two month mark hits you're cut off.

- but he's a good guy besides all that 🤗

• ricky

- is basically the leader of the fraternity like idk 🗣️🗣️

- the longest he's gone without taking a girl home is like.... three days ( i was last tuesday 🥰 )

- has fucked like every girl on campus like it's not even an exaggeration at this point

- kind of an asshole but it's okay i love when they're hot and toxic 🥰 ( can you tell i have relationship trauma )

- SUCH AN ASSHOLE WAIT CUS NOW IM THINKING..... he'd like flex his rolex while taking a picture on his family owned yacht that his rich ceo mom bought for him while wearing gucci....

- he's honestly such a smooth talker?? like he could def get you to sleep with him in under ten minutes of speaking, that's how good he is

- professional frat boy 😛

• gyuvin

- he's actually insane

- like he's going around snorting cocaine from girls' tits kind of insane

- he's the person everyone is chanting " CHUG! " for like ??

- LIFE OF THE PARTYYY

- if you show him any signs that you want to fuck he'll pull you into the nearest closet cus he'll buss it down anywhere

- NO BUT THE THING IS, HES SUCH A GOOD STUDENT NO ONE EVEN TRIES TO REPORT HIM FOR DOING DRUGS CUS THE TEACHERS WONT BELIEVE IT

- he's honestly the nicest cus he's actually such a fun guy to have around

[jojo-the-puppy]

ur little brother posts fucking drive me up a wall,, idk,,, the idea of tying ur big sis up and cockwarming her,,,, she begs,,, she struggles as you tie her ,, she tries anything she can to ask you to please, please don't do this all while she's as hard as a rock and dripping. even before you've even sat down on her lap you can feel the fear, the shame, the arousal,,,

she whines, struggling with tears forming in her eyes as you sit down on her, yet despite her protests you feel her cock throbbing and pulsing inside you. she's probably thought about you for a very long time,, even if she couldn't ever bear to admit it to herself. what kind of big sister would she be if she acted on such gross, perverted, sick thoughts??? but now she's trapped, she can't help herself as her little brother presses on those feelings she's tried to keep buried for so so long,,,

godd,, the idea of feeling her break slowly while you're inside her,,, despite all her self control she can't help it but unconsciously start thrusting against you,, her little brother just feels too good,,

muffled protests turn into whines and moans through sobs,,, she can't keep those gross thoughts buried anymore, not with what you're doing to her,,

goddd,, feeling her break, feeling that shame mix with the arousal of one of her darkest, grossest,, most private fantasies coming to life,,, you don't know if you've ever felt someone this hard before, nor this desperate either,, you could tell she's thought about you for a very long time. and oh how gross she's felt about such feelings....

woah i got alot more carried away than i thought i hope this isn't too weird lol. anywags idk as an oldest sister those posts hit something rlly rlly specific they ffucking rule,, the idea of little brother using his big sis , perv enabling her despite her protests or whatever,, making her feel so so gross and ashamed but so so turned on,,, ggod rlly turns me on, anywags hope ur having a good one ur posts r awesome

YOU, you get it!!

[blackdollette]

hi i haven’t seen too many rory fics so i was wondering if u could do one where he’s getting ready at 7 in the morning for an interview and reader wakes up to him in the bathroom getting ready but she’s like extremely horny (like morning wood but for girls ;)) but she’s also like extremely tired cus it’s rlly early

and rory sees her and is like really sweet and goes to kiss her head say gm and give her a hug but when he tries to pull away he realizes that she’s like gripping him not letting him go and he’s like “babe i gotta finish getting ready” but she’s just holding onto his waist and rory’s all confused until she like looks up at him with eye bags and red shot doe eyes (but rory still thinks she’s beautiful ofc ;)) and is like “can you help me?”and rory’s confused at first but then realizes what she means when she slowly starts to take her panties off and then he’s like “you’re so tired tho” kind of laughing at her neediness but she’s like begging like “please?” with doe eyes n shit basically still half asleep but he gives in but is like “we hv to go quick cant b late” and he fucks her good and hard and like he’s holding both her legs up giving her a so much pleasure from the angle and he’s a little rough with her like grabbing her face and choking her and whispering dirty things into her ear and she’s like so tired but she’s staying up thru it and right after they cum she like falls asleep and he finds it really cute and is like “gn baby” and gives a her sweet goodbye kiss. :3

(dis is so much im so sorry)

ask & you shall recieve :))

"i need you." | rory culkin

off to the races. - lana del rey

female!reader x rory

word count: 747

contents: unprotected sex, p in v, creampie

p.s. i didn't write this with the intention of directing any disrespect towards rory's relationship :))

you rolled over as you felt the morning sun hitting your face. you slowly opened your eyes, letting them adjust to the light. you glanced at the alarm clock on your bedside table. it read 7:02am. you got out of bed, slipping on your robe and stumbling to the bathroom, seeing rory getting ready through the crack in the door.

you opened the door and walked in, wrapping your arms around him in a tight hug. he gave you a soft kiss on the forehead before trying to brush you off, but you kept a tight grasp on him. you were so sleepy, but all you wanted was to be with him right then. you’d woken up feeling so needy for pleasure, so you weren’t ready to let him leave.

he looked at you, still trying to get you off of him. “i’ve gotta get to work, baby. i have an interview at 8 and i don’t want to miss the train.” you put your head on his shoulder and groaned. he lifted up your head and made you look at him, looking into your eyes. it was clear that you hadn’t had the best night.

your soft was soft and a little raspy. “i need you, baby. please. don’t go yet…” you looked at him, your big pleading eyes staring into his soul. and he noticed how your hips were just slightly grinding on his legs. he looked at your body in your robe, seeing as it revealed some of your cleavage. he looked down as you fiddled with your lacy panties, and he knew exactly what you were getting at.

you were making his mind wander. he surely couldn’t go to work without settling this matter, so he sighed as he reached his hands down to his belt, unbuckling it quickly. he pulled you into a passionate kiss, running his hands down your body as he picked you up and set you by the sink, helping you take off your robe. 

he tossed it onto the ground and stared at your body for a moment, fully taking in your beauty. he pulled himself into you, starting to kiss your neck softly as he took off your soaked panties. you ran your fingers through his hair as your body grew warmer. your tongues started dancing together as he slowly rubbed your clit.

you whined as he teased you, but you both knew that you’d have to be as quick as possible. so he lined up his cock with your entrance before pushing it in. you moaned loudly. it felt so good to finally be filled up like this. he wasted no time thrusting into you. you wrapped your arms around his body as he pushed himself in and out of you. 

deep groans were coming out of him. it was clear that he’d wanted this too. he kept your legs apart and circled your clit with his thumb. the room filled with your noises, them surely being loud enough to wake up the entire neighbourhood.

he gently grabbed your face and started speaking to you in between groans. “you feel so good, baby. just wanna make you feel good…” he started going faster with his movements, syncing his fingers with his thrusts. you were a moaning mess, tugging at his hair and feeling yourself losing control.

you started bucking your hips into his touch, feeling your body finally getting the relief that its been craving. he made sure to hit that perfect spot everytime, feeling as your pussy clenched around him. his groans became raspier the more frequent he got. you were both painfully close to such a satisfying orgasm.

his chest heaved up and down with each breath. “cum with me, baby… ” and that was all you needed to hear before completely letting yourself go, releasing all your cum on his cock. he looked down at the white ring around his length as precum started shooting from his tip. with one final thrust, he came inside of you. there was so much that when he pulled out, you were connected by a thick string of cum.

time was running short, so he didnt have to time take care of you like he usually did. so he carried you back to bed, you almost instantly falling asleep as your head hit the pillow. he smiled and pressed a loving kiss to your forehead. then he walked to the door and walked out without a sound.

author's note: this has been sitting in my drafts for a while. so sorry for the delay but i hope you enjoyed it :))

[jiraisupportgroup]

Heya I messed up rlly bad bc I went delulu and thought my best friend was trying to replace me and wrote abt it a lot on tumbler and then realized I was crazy and in the wrong and then said friend saw the posts. I don't know how to cope with what I'm feeling. It's like embarrassment, disgust with myself, and anger towards my friends.

₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊ good morning darling

I’m not a therapist or doctor, but I have been in kind of similar situations in the past? (Especially when I was in highschool). But take everything here with a grain of salt.

It’s important to forgive yourself, you’ve done the first step in realizing “hey, I was in the wrong, and that was too much” which is really really good it shows that you’ve done self reflection about the situation ♡ it’s important to also forgive yourself for the situation. One situation does not show your whole worth, it does not mean that you aren’t able to grow and learn and be a person outside of what happened. Sometimes (especially with mental illnesses like BPD or OCD as well as others) these things happen and it’s hard to realize what’s going on. But you have shown that you learned from this which is really good ♡

I would recommend after you both have had some time to kind of decompress and process the situation (probably like a week or longer) and if the friend is open to it have a discussion about it. It’s important to take into consideration how both of you feel, and that even if it hurts, both of you are entitled to your feelings about the situation. (I would also recommend that if it starts getting heated pause the conversation and come back to it later if possible). But I also recognize that a conversation may not be possible or may not be wanted by either you or the friend or both.

Another thing that may help is if you take space and time to write down (not publicly so there isn’t that pressure of “is someone going to see this” this is just for yourself) how the situation made you feel at the time, how you feel now, and what you want to happen (even if you think what you want to happen is unreasonable). Sometimes getting all of your emotions out there on a page or word document can help you kind of process what happened and clear up a little brain space for other things.

In the end, sometimes in life we fuck up. Sometimes we misunderstand a situation, or respond to situations poorly. These are learning opportunities ♡ these kinds of things are what help you learn and grow as a person, and it happens to EVERYONE it seriously happens to everyone. I don’t say that to say “oh it’s okay don’t worry about it at all” but more so to say it’s a moment of self reflection, it’s a moment of learning, and this experience will help you in life as you navigate relationships. This doesn’t automatically mean you’re a “bad person” this doesn’t automatically mean you’re a “bad friend” it’s one situation and it does not define who you are totally as a person. Try not to blame yourself too much, especially with mental illness or as a younger person it can be difficult to navigate situations like this. I would also personally recommend at least for a little bit try not to post anything publicly about people you know, even if you don’t say their name, not having that out there and worrying if someone sees it will give you a little peace of mind and one less thing to worry about ♡

♡ and if you need to distract yourself for a little bit that’s okay too!! I usually find things that take up brain and physical stimulation are really good for me personally, so I personally usually go for rhythm games bc I found those take up just enough of my brain between listening and hitting the keys to turn everything else off, but whatever you genuinely enjoy doing and whatever take enough brain power to keep you focused on the thing is a great option.

I hope any of that made sense! I hope you are safe and that this doesn’t stress you out too much ♡ & I hope you have a wonderful holiday season!! ♡