#and it wouldnt be haunting me except the person who said it was talking about them like theyre a big fan

[phlondsbian]

earlier today someone in my notes said something about how theyre super excited because dan and phil "just came back from a five year hiatus" and ive been thinking about it all day. its been over a year girl where have you been

[its-no-biggie]

omg okay. this never really came across for me when i watched the show and i think ive figured out why. cause youre right! the show will even deliberately humanize background characters right before killing them off- i noticed it the first time i watched it because it had such an impact. its not something you see often, ESPECIALLY if they get killed by the "good guys". it turns the background characters from obstacles- objects to be disposed of in order for the hero to win- to PEOPLE.

like, the guy who interrupts south during that one freelancer mission, holding 2 cups of coffee. i dont remember if he even has dialogue, but hes holding 2 cups. whos the other one for? he doesnt jump straight into action as soon as he sees south- he kind of panics for a second before reaching for the alarm. hes a PERSON. it doesnt feel as satisfying when south kills him and then countless other faceless soldiers. it gives their deaths weight.

this really clues you in on the fact that pfl might not be the good guys. its also used on chorus to humanize BOTH sides, which strengthens the themes of that arc. but theres also some really odd examples of this that make it feel like the writers are not even AWARE of this impact.

first off is the caboose teamkilling joke. im thinking specifically of rats nest, where the guy complains about having to get caboose and then caboose accidentally kills him. is humanizing him meant to add weight to his death? if anything that would make caboose more of the butt of the joke (unsurprising) but even then, why wouldnt the other characters react? someone like wash, who is haunted by the atrocities committed by pfl, doesnt bat an eye? its taken so lightly by the other characters and the narrative itself that it feels like its just meant to be a throwaway joke. but what does that say about other instances of humanizing the background characters?

next is season 15 where theyre invading the blues and reds base. its guarded by faceless red and blue soldiers who all talk about stuff like being nazis and kicking puppies while the reds and blues slaughter them. its still humanizing them, in a way, but its meant to make you feel GOOD about the main characters killing them off. it seems like the show is saying that killing off faceless soldiers is bad EXCEPT this time, because the bad guys really are monsters. but like, youre literally just doing what kimball said not to do- youre not excused from it just because youre the writers of the show! the writers are specifically avoiding making you think about the implications of the reds and blues killing these guys, because theyre in the right and theyre doing it for the greater good. which is like. literally the opposite of the point??? and the delivery is so on-the-nose that it feels like theyre being self aware about it, but then they dont do anything with it! carolina goes into a whole speech about how they shouldnt kill temple, as if they didnt murder all those soldiers outside!

and then theres the execution of the freelancer arc. the enemy soldiers being humanized before theyre killed adds weight to their deaths, but the show never properly addresses it. it doesnt even seem to be intentional foreshadowing that pfl are actually the bad guys, and none of the freelancers really object to it even when they start having doubts. any time the show discusses the crimes of the director, its always about fragmenting the ai and using the freelancers as pawns. what about the enemy bases he razed for resources? theres such a focus on how the freelancers are victims of the director, but then arent the enemy soldiers also victims? cogs in the machine? why doesnt the narrative highlight their deaths as part of the crimes committed by freelancer? why isnt it framed as a tragedy like the fragmenting of the ai?

[disclaimer- i havent watched the show in a while, so im sure the killing of enemy soldiers during the pfl arc does come up at some point. and im fairly sure its part of carolinas character arc on chorus. but my point is, for supposedly being a central theme of the show, it wasnt very central to this arc. and the part that does strengthen the theme- humanizing the enemy soldiers- seems to have been included as a throwaway joke.]

these examples paint a picture of the writers intent. it comes across to me like these humanizing moments arent meant to add depth to the background characters- theyre only there because they make funny one-liners. its funny when south and a random guy holding 2 cups of coffee have a brief showdown over the big red alarm button. its funny when 2 random soldiers are having a conversation and one of them silently gets killed off without the other noticing. its funny when caboose kills a teammate AGAIN.

its poor execution of the themes of the show- soldiers are victims of their higher ups, unless the narrative doesnt have time to address it. enemy soldiers are people too, unless the plot requires them to be evil monsters. soldiers dying for some nameless cause that they have no real stakes in is a tragedy, unless its funny to kill them off. and i think thats why these themes never really hit home for me- the show doesnt fully integrate them. it centers the main plot around it but then disregards it when it gets inconvenient. its sloppy writing and it lessens any impact that these themes couldve had.

ANYWAY this isnt meant to discredit your point op. its an excellent analysis and one that i wholeheartedly agree with. i just got thinking about how its actually implemented in the show and here we are. sorry for derailing 😅

There is something so chilling and incredible about remembering the fact that Red vs. Blue is a war story.

It’s a workplace comedy, it’s a goofy ensemble show. It’s everything a silly, off the cuff web series should be, so relaxed its characters feel realistic, so unconstrained its world feels alive. It establishes in a few lines what some shows takes seasons to not even accomplish at all; that every faceless person is, fundamentally. A person.

And people are silly and bored and have their own little small scale lives and they don’t think about the grand story they’re telling, their part in the tapestry of the universe. They think about how hot the afternoon is. They bitch about their coworkers. They throw rocks at complicated military equipment and then get together to ooh and ah over ‘Oh wow, the rocks got all ashy and sizzley.’ 

Every soldier in the show has those moments of down to earth humanity. And the down to earth humanity is having dumb conversations to pass the time and doing very dumb shit because you’re bored. Every. Soldier. The guards in the tower at the sarcophagus heist. (“Did you hear something?” “The sound of you being an idiot?”) The soldiers at Rat’s Nest (”Seriously?!?! How have you never met another person named Jones?? It’s very common!) The freelancers, both top agents to the so-so agents to the worst agents to the dozens of people that work for PFL that aren’t even freelancers. (Wash’s twirly straw and skateboard, the triplets and Five Things, 479er’s never-ending feud with the guy who moves the crates.)

Everything has a face, and that face is human.

Which is why it comes out of nowhere when the show starts waxing philosophical on the atrocities of war, how flexible our societal morals become, the aftermath and the tragedy of it all. It’s a gutpunch to be forced to take a step back and be told “You are nothing. You are disposable assets, names on a sheet of paper, and only used to further more violence.” To see the characters be told that.

I find it fascinating that, due to the strange relationship between rvb and Halo itself, we never actually see the war. Never really learn what started it, what’s hypothetically being fought for, only the fallout it creates. That outside the lens of our ragtag heroes, people are dying and lives are being ruined for?? What? We don’t know. But one very sad and very twisted man saw an opportunity, and the loosened ethics and the institution of war gave it to him. No one thought to look into PFL, no one batted an eye, until the dust had settled, until lives had been ruined and ended. Because when faced with extinction, every alternative isn’t just preferable. It’s encouraged.

War is just the broad, inhumane system that gives real, human people the chance to excuse atrocities. The director. The counselor. Felix. Locus. Wash.

There’s something so poignant, so heartbreaking, and so goddamn fundamental to the story of rvb in Kimball’s speech. 

“When you spend every day fighting a war, you learn to demonize your attackers. To you they’re evil, they’re sub-human. Because if they weren’t, then what would that make you? What I’m trying to say… is I’ve been afraid to see you for what you really are. You’re our brothers. Our sisters. And the things we’ve done to one another are unforgivable.”

The audience knows, has had it shoved in their faces, over and over and over again. Everyone in this universe is human. We see, from our omnipotent (yet incredibly limited) perspective that everyone in this show is a distinct person beneath that helmet. That no one is unattached from humanity.

And what do the soldiers see?

A crowd of faceless bodies, all wearing the same color armor.

[goth-girlfriend]

Heyy could I get a matchup please? I’m a pansexual non binary person excepting and loving to all, I have short black hair and I am 5’1. Tbh I’m more interested in the 1A boys but I do love all the pro hero’s and the villains too. I can be shy at first but once you get to know me I can be very chaotic and alt. I’m very open minded and understanding no matter what your situation is and I am very patient, I rarely get angry. I also do a lot of art from pairing to potter and photography, I love to try new things. I also love your work so much and I hope your doing well 💕

Thank you! 🥰 It means a lot! I hope your doing week in this time ☺️💙 sorry it took over a month 😅 but! I’ll make it up to you! And! The other four waiting....and the few in my inbox! Well! I hope you like it!

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✨Denki✨

Kaminari, you wouldn’t think five inches is enough for him to look down and bully you about your height. But...honestly? You couldn’t be mad at it considering it’s what made your friendship with the blonde bloom.

Then again, when you first met him you were kind of a wreck and didn’t have the guts to tell him, “I’m not an arm rest stop leaning on my shoulder.” Instead you let it be, fidgeting fingers and looking ahead until her smiled brightly at you, “SHORT FRIENDS ARE GREAT!” he looked down at you eyes closed, “I should keep you around more.”

Well, after that you were adopted by, THE BAKUSQUAD! Bakugo not really caring, but when Kirishima and Denki followed him around he always made sure to grab you and drag you with them, because “I WAS SCARED AND PANICKED! I DIDN’T WANNA BE ALONE!”

So, for the first and second week he treated you like a quiet kid, mostly starting conversation until you got into a comfortable groove, and he almost died seeing how you really turned out. YOU started to bully him, when he entered his short circuit, the jokes you made, but still, you took care of him making sure he didn’t get into trouble or hurt. At times you’d become a bit impulsive and your chaotic side came out.

“MOVE! IM GONNA DO IT!” You screamed “Y/n! NO! I LIKE YOU BETTER ALIVE!” He screamed. Silence, you moved your head, trying to pull back, but no luck, your eyes moved in panic looking at Denki, his own eyes wide before he started laughing. You tried to move your head regretting it instantly. Your right hand came up, forefinger and thumb pulling at your tongue that was now stuck to the pole you had made victim to your weird antics. “mm thuck.”

you have great goofy moments together, but the moment he hears Bakugo screaming and silence, and then he hears you screaming? Hah, no. All relations are canceled/expired/rejected/blocked/denied/gone. He likes being alive, and right now, you were a threat to his life, so “Oh, uh yeah I got a thing to do in the other ro-“ RUN

he’s more than great full to have you around, your patient with him when he just can’t do something but he’s determined to. Like the month he dragged you of the dorms every night, because “IM GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS HAUNTED HOUSE WITHOUT SCREAMING.” The haunted house opened the first of October, and ended on Halloween, it was terrible, at one point he passed out, another frothed at the mouth, his screams were priceless, he clung to you more than a few times crying about being scared. Decked a few jump scare people, and at least twice went into Pikachu self defense mode and electrocuted the groups of workers around the two of you at least twice. Honestly, you were surprised they let you both keep coming back. But the last day, he managed to only let out squeaks and squeeze your arm and hands but he did it. Thirty one long nights of walking the same halls, jump scares, and voids, mesmerizing the right way of the maze, you mad wit out fine, he was only slightly shook.

Art? Denki doesn’t get it, claimed he can’t draw to save his life and when you watched him try you believed him, BUT THE COMPLETE AND UTTER SHOCK WHEN YOU FOUND OUT HE WAS BASICALLY AN ART MAJOR WHEN HE SHORT CIRCUITED..... you started saving his drawings and sketches, and then you’d show him and he’d be impressed, but completely denies that he ever did it. “Nope, you got the wrong guy, you’ve seen me, I can’t draw a circle.” But he loves to watch you paint, and take photos, but don’t take him to wildlife sets with you. He will get hired of waiting for birds and throw himself on the grass and start sighing loudly and rolling around, “Nothings coming y/n!” “MAYBE IF YOU SHUT UP THE BIRDS WOULDNT FLY AWAY LIKE ITS THE END OF THE WORLD!” Silence, you can definitely feel him staring you, “Well that’s just rude.... you scared off the only bird that was actually here.” Pottery? He watched you, and he wanted to try, the first time he ended up slinging clay everywhere, second he can’t keep his hands still enough, the third time you took pity and ended up like the cheesiest movie scene, but, you were behind him guiding his hands, he became a flustered mess and crushed the almost pot when you spoke to him and he felt your breath on his shoulder. He was blushing and flustered and then started apologizing for ruining the pot... in the end you both together did make a lopsided pot, it now sits in your room, home to your shared black prince succulent. When you brought it home he made anyone who would listen come see his first pot and new child.

⚡️✨✨⚡️⚡️✨⚡️⚡️⚡️✨⚡️⚡️✨✨⚡️

“Y/n?” You heard knocking and groaned getting up off your bed to open your door.

“I brought someone else to meet prince...” the look you gave him was one of ‘Are you sERIOUS?’

You closed your door a bit to look at the digital clock that was hanging just above your desk, 1:37 in the morning...

“It couldn’t wait till sun up?” You asked eyes kinda squinty as the hall light started to flood into your room now that you opened the door wider to let whoever in.

“It’s important everyone knows my new son!” He stepped in and you moved and plopped onto your desk chair.

“Alright, but be careful, you bruised one of his petals last time.” You stretched and looked at your abandoned school work, you looked at it reading the question you had struggled on, and by some miracle, being half groggy and half awake, you read it and the answer came to you. You started to write it down before you forgot. And you were so proud of yourself, until you heard the feminine voice.

“Kaminari, you’re an idiot.” And then a slightly muffled laugh.

You didn’t have a problem with Jiro, in fact you liked her as a friend, she was nice, had good taste in music, bullied Denki with you sometimes, friendly and you’ve never seen her angry or get snobbish with anyone. She was laid back and cool.

But, one thing you didn’t like, was the fact she was slowly becoming the center of Denki’s flirting. Jealous? Nahh....well....no.... maybe a little? Nope, nah that’s not it.......okay yeah.

“Y/n Chan! Jiro is bullying me.” He came and shook you by your shoulders pulling you from staring at your school work.

You turned your head to look up at him. “What?” You asked.

“She called me an idiot.” He pouted and closed his eyes.

You laughed and dropped a hand onto his head, after he kneeled to plead you defend him, “Oh Denki, if you want me to disagree it’s gonna be a long night.”

He pouted at your words but sighed in defeat, until the next words came, “So (y/n), if Denki’s son is in your room does that make you the mother of his son?”

You looked at Jiro a faint blush tinting your cheeks as you registered what she said. You gave a few quiet laughs but before you could say anything Denki became a stuttering flustered mess. Catching both of you and pulling you both out of the conversation that almost started.

“Well! (Y/n)! Well go! A Princess does need her beauty sleep!” He winked at you as he left in a hurry, Jiro just quirked a brow before she told you good night and you returned it as she left. You yawned and got back into bed, before your phone buzzed and you cursed, but the blush on your cheeks wirsned at the flirty text you’d gotten from Denki, you’d think you’d gotten used to it already, but maybe the feelings you thought you’d pushed away never really left the surface.

‘Good night princess 😉 Don’t forget to dream about me 💛’

Cringe yes, but that’s literally the best flirting line he has. Apparently getting comfortable with Denki meant he was comfortable flirting with you 24/7, no hesitation. And you enjoyed the attention and flirted back with him, but things kinda changed when Jiro started to give him attention too.

******

“Mornin’ babe,” you yawned at Denki’s greeting and gave a wave and small smile as you walked to a table and plopped down. You didn’t get much sleep, you finished your homework so now you had the weekend free, but what were you going to do? You stared at the empty table in front of you thinking about nothing, head empty, until Mina came and sat across from you, “So babe huh? Is it official!” She whisper screamed.

“Pfft, just about as official as me being All Might.” You had a small smile, small but genuine. “Boooooooo.” She pouted, “I have my own theories but I really want to tell you this one, soooo! Bakusquad girls day! But... just you and I. Get ready let’s go!”

So, after deciding you’d buy something to eat instead of cooking you got ready and then both you and Mina set off to talk theories and what’s really going on in her head. “So, I think he wants something serious but since you guys joke so much I think he thinks he’s in the friend zone and don’t even deny it I know you like him, I’ve seen the way you smile at all his stupid jokes even I don’t laugh at all of them and I try to be nice. Plus the way you loook a Jiro is enough to show your jealous but he doesn’t see that, I’m pretty sure he thinks you just don’t like her humor or something, but from what I’ve seen your good friends with her when Denki isn’t around so that lets me believe your jealous of his attention going to someone else. Soooo, what do you say? What do you think? And I think he’s trying with Jiro because you guys kinda have similar personalities and hair cuts? Well not really but you know? When your in love you call broccoli Midoriya and a grenade Bakugo but that’s a different story, so? What do you think?” You just stared at her, the takoyaki had with your toothpick just to far from your lips as you wondered if she was right. A shot smile pulled at your lips as you looked down and closed your eyes to let out a sigh, “Well, I won’t say your wrong, I’ve done lot of things but being in denial has never been one of them. I’m not going to confess or anything but I do have one question.” You looked at Mina through the corner of your eyes while your face was still pointed to the ground. “Yes!” She cheered and nodded looking at you with a big smile, “If this is about a plan I’ve got it all figured out so don’t worry!”

You shook your head and faced her completely, “Nope! Keep the plan well use it later but, if I do something about this Denki thing you have to so something about tape boy.” Mina became flustered at your words but nodded, “well, your first lady she smacked you back causing you to slightly choke on the Takoyaki you’d finally started to eat, after catching your breath and wondering around for a bit you both talked it out and it’s go time.

****

The next morning you started the plan (titled by Mina) “Seducing Pikachu” Taking a deep breath you readied yourself to take your flirting next level, he called you babe you had to call him daddy, he gave you a hug you pulled his face down to peck his cheek, he draped an arm over your shoulders you had snuggle closer and hug his waist, he tried to tease you by taking your hand you can’t pull away, in stead you interlock fingers and squeeze, if he leaned into your ear to whisper something you can’t push him away. And we’re you ready? No, in fact you felt queasy, and like you had to bathroom, but with a shove from Mina you entered the kitchen and like usual “Good morning babe!” And the usual flirty wink, but this time instead of getting flustered or yawing you locked eye contact and with everything you had, “Mornin Daddy.” You smiled at him and walked to the fridge to try and occupy yourself. In the background you heard Mineta screaming about the name daddy. You looked at Denki with the same smile after grabbing a juice and he was flustered, red cheeks and it looked like his hair had fluffed up a bit. It’s working! You waved at him and walked to the common room and sat down on one edge and looked at the tv, it was playing some show about volleyball. Jiro came and sat across from you on the other sofa joining you and a few others in watching this show, right now, the only empty seats are the spot next to you on the love seat, or the two seats beside Jiro. He sat by you and was strangely quiet, oh gave him a smile when he turned to look a you, he smiled and looked at the tv, after an hour or two your hands began fiddling with the juice in your lap and you felt a tug at your hand, you felt Denki place his hand on yours usually you’d pull away and punch his shoulder, but this time. You didn’t take your eyes of the tv when your intertwined your fingers and squeezed his hand. You brought your other hand and squeezed his hand between both of yours and snuggled closer to his side and laid your head against his shoulder, he tensed a bit then relaxed quickly. He laid his head on yours and you eyed Mina real quick, you gave you a thumbs up and you motioned to Sero with your eyes and she stopped and pouted. After another hour you started to get up and pull away from Denki. You felt a hand pull at yours and you looked at Denki, “Where are you going?” You titled your head, “Gonna go buy lunch maybe.” He looked up at you still holding your hand, “Don’t leave me.” He said, “Come with me then.” You gave his arm a tug and without second thought he jumped up outside you were cool, but inside, you were going ballistic, inside you were nothing like usual, you were honestly so surprised that this plan was working, with your attention he didn’t even pay attention to Jiro,,,, were you really jealous?

Getting to a ramen place you both sat down and filled our sheets with your orders, casually sitting in silence your phone dinged, “So.... did he confess? Or do women really have to do all the work, 🙄, Sero didn’t understand what I meant until I- never mind, how’s it going?”

You smiled at the message and shook your head.

Denki being curious why you were smiling tried to peek, “Mina is trying to confess to Sero and she says he’s an idiot.” You smiled and turned to Denki explaining before he could see.

“Yeah, I didn’t wanna say anything sometimes Sero isn’t the smartest.”

You felt a smile pulling at your lips, “Yeah, I know someone else who is just the same.” You propped your elbows on the table and placed your chin on your palms. He did the same and pushed his cheeks so they looked chubby against his palms.

“Kaminari,” you called his name in a chirpy tune with a smile, he closed his eyes and smiled before he said your name in the same way.

****

“How good are you at noticing small things?” I asked and tilted my head. “Hmmm, did you grow out your hair?” His head tilted, and he smiled.

“No? It’s been this short for a while.” I dropped my arms flat against the table palms up, “try again.”

“Yooouuuu,,,, are wearing contacts?” He asked. “I’m not blind.”

“Yoouuuuu.....are trying a different Boba?” “No... well yes, but not what I’m talking about......try one more time and I’ll give you a hint if you can’t guess.”

He nodded and squinted at me looking like he was concentrating hard.

“I know!” He took my hands in his and squeezed them, I felt my heart start to race, “You’re fingers are cold, the tips are turning reddish.”

I smiled and looked away and licked my top lip trying to not laugh, “That wasn’t it but a good guess.”

“Then what is it?” He asked pouting.

“Close your eyes.” I said and waved a hand, he nodded and then closed them, I placed my finger tips on the left side of his jaw and tried to pull him closer, after getting him halfway across the table I leaned forward and lightly pressed my lips against his cheek.

I pulled away, and moved my hand away from his jaw.

“I...so think you should try again, I didn’t get the hint.” He looked away with a bush slowly becoming prominent on his cheek.

I smiled and shook my head, silence fell over us as I shifted around, “Another hint huh?”

“Maybe just one... or two... or a few....” he still didn’t look at me hands now fiddling together.

“You know, for a flirt you sure do get nervous when someone actually makes a move on you.”

“Heh, yeah.” He was smiling but not looking at me, “Sooo, when?”

“Do you remember the day, you got sick and made me baby you for a whole week? It was that Thursday, you feel asleep on my chest, and I held you and had to pull the blanket off, I realized then, how much I cared about you, and how much I’m willing to do to make sure you’re okay. I realized how much I love your terrible jokes and cheesy pick up lines, your warm hugs and the face times late into the night, and the movie nights passing out at three in the morning and rushing to class when we woke up late. Holing your hand when you were scared, and bullying Bakugo, honestly, I wouldn’t wanna die at the hands of Bakugo with anyone else. I’m not saying I love you or anything, but if this is what falling for someone feels like...I don’t not like it, especially when it’s you.” I looked out the window we sat by and could feel his stare, I looked at him through the corner of my eye.

“I wouldn’t want to be murdered with anyone else.” He held his hand out and I tilted my head to look at him, I took placed my hand on his and he smiled, before he shifted his fingers and closed them around mine. I smiled and closed my fingers squeezing his hand.

“So? Are you going to ask?” He said.

I felt my brows furrow, “Ask?”

“Ask me to be your boyfriend.” His smile widened.

“You’re supposed to ask me!” I scolded and shook our hands.

He tucked his head between his shoulders, “okay okay, fine.... now you’re going to wait because you yelled at me.”

***

“Y/n!” I turned to look for the person who called my name, “yeah?” I asked and pulled my blanket tighter, the Christmas season was here and I was freezing on the sofa.

“Come look! The snows falling again! And the it’s pretty on the blossoms that are still around.”

“Fine.” I grumbled and stood up, I walked to the second floor windows and looked out. Sero, Denki, Kirishima and Bakugo were all outside, I could hear Katsuki screaming at them while the ran around dropping things on the floor.

They all stopped and moved away as Bakugo screamed at them and took off his gloves, it looked like he was grumbling something until Denki slung an arm I’ve this shoulders, Bakugo brought up his hand causing sparks and Denki to smile nervously before patting his shoulder and moving his arm off.

Mina tapped on the window and they looked at us, we waved when three of the four waved. Denki turned to Bakugo and with a simple blast a chain reaction started and lit up a circle, inside the circle were the words made in very sparse but still pretty blossoms, “will u be mine?” Your phone began to ring and you answered it.

“So, after two months of non official dating, will you be mine?”

You smiled, “Yes, Kaminari, yes.” You swallowed and over the phone you heard cheering and watched to em high five minus Bakugo who was pulling his gloves back on. That night, you spent under the blue keys you two piled high, his head on your chest, and you kissed his head running your fingers through his hair, “I love listening to your heart, it’s pretty, like you.” Your take his face in your hands and kiss his lips or forehead, and eventually would change spots, still cuddling to keep the warmth and love between you while the rest of the world was slipping into sleep or madness.

✨🤍🖤🤍🤍💙🤍🤍🖤🤍✨

I hope you have a good day, and remember to stay hydrated 💙

[cryptidofthekeys]

Its another tf2 oc and im not ashamed

Let me break it down to y’all how this happened, so basically- I wanted a mafia-esque spy character but then my brain decided ok mafia mans is coolio BUT WHAT IF... t e n t a s p y mafia boss man? And voila here this fucker is

Name: Alphonse Blanchard | Titles/Nicknames: The Spy, Boss which usually his "partners" call him that, or just call him Alphonse, only ONE person can call him AL, anyone else tries it and well it wont be a very pleasant experience | Gender: Male | Species/Race: Used to be a normal human, now he's a Tentaspy- a m o n s t e r. | Age: 49s/50s | Occupation: Even tho he's got the title of The Spy n such- he's p much teechnically a Mafia Boss- b i g boss man for sure- | Height: When he was human he was about 5'7", but now he's 8'9" (nearly 9ft) | Eye Color: His eye color when he was human was a Steel Gray color, his eyes are now a Charcoal color (mostly for their meanings n stuff), his pupils are also slit ones now. | Hair Color: (even though most of his face except for his eyes and mouth are covered by a balaclava and you'd most likely never see him without his mask on, his hair color is black with grey streaks in the sides of it, however for the record- his hair is VERY tidy and slicked back) | Appearance: Now, not much changes tbh- except... he cant wear pants bc of the tentacles on his lower half but I'll get to those in a minute, he wears v e r y fancy and HIGHLY expensive suits, only the f i n e s t of clothing for him, usually he wears dark gray or black suits but he does have other colors- their just ALL dark colors, he likes the appeal of black or gray colors- and he d e f i n i t e l y loves the meaning behind them, they fit him so well... He also wears fedoras, he has some rings (you know the ones- the ones that some mafia characters or just big shots in general tend to wear- yeaah, his biggest ring and the one he usually wears has a skull on it-), and he of course has a circle beard, oh and he has a lot of scars both on his upper human body and his tentacles even, just- gettin that outta the way right quick- now onto his more monstrous features... For starters, let's get the simple one out of the way, he DOES have claws now, long sharp black claws to be more specific- his tentacles are pitch black on top with Smoke Gray tiger-like stripes going down them his underbelly is also Smoke Gray color- and oh boy... here's the most complex thing- his teeth, while all his teeth are p much bear trap teeth, his lateral incisors both top and bottom are longer kinda like vampire teeth or something like that ya know, his actual canines both top and bottom ones along with his first AND second premolars (again both the top ones AND the bottom ones are actually curved (kinda like an anaconda's in a way- p much- just- hooked teeth, perfect for hooking onto prey and not letting go if need be) | Personality: Oh b o y well, where to even begin with this motherfucker? He's narcissistic as hell "I k n o w I'm handsome, yes~" and god forbid you compliment him or anything- bc with e v e r y compliment, every good thing said about him his ego inflates and grows tenfold, even if you say bad shit about him- he don't give a fuck- as long as it doesn't affect his reputation then you'll be fine! He'll just pay no mind to petty insults or anything, at first- insults calling him a monster n anything similar bothered him, it made him feel sick every time someone had used those insults but now? Now... While he would MUCH prefer to have legs again (its honestly just bc its easier to walk around with legs than tentacles), he e m b r a c e s the fact he's a monster, he knows there's no reversing this, if there was- he would... he wouldn't go OUT of his way for it BUT he would at the very least TRY  to get his hands on whatever could cure this, ahem anyways- he's come to terms with what he is even if some things about it aren't... ideal... I wouldn't say he's EVIL really, he's more so a neutral unless provoked/attacked- t h e n he'll "take care" of whatever or whoever's causing the problem with NO mercy whatsoever, but other than that he can be a reasonable man, just don't piss him off, steal from him, etc- basically don't make enemies with him and you should be just fine, he isn't one for small talk or anything like that, he wants to talk business, business and m o n e y even, even if he is a fucking HIGHLY rich bastard, he always wants more- he's got a BIT of a greed streak in him for sure (that doesn't mean however he won't let others borrow money, he just expects them to pay it back in the end or sometimes... he'll use his money for ahem, undercover classified reasons...) He'll flirt with a n y o n e if they happen to catch his eye, not just ladies either- men, ladies, no gender? What the fuck ever, if he wants- he's GONNA flirt with anyone, even if it might not end in love or whatever, he doesn't? really? He doesn't really care tbh, love is alright and if it happens it happens but honestly- he's just a fucking flirty b i t c h, who loves to see that flustered look and get a reaction from the other, you'll never truly know... feelings? Maybe but probably not... (tl;dr: Flirty bitch- I wouldnt hold hopes for feelings, greed streak but isn't afraid to let others borrow money so long as they pay it back in the end- some things he uses it for are classified- p much [REDACTED] info, neutral unless provoked/attacked, no mercy nor care towards enemies- can and WILL wipe out every single one of his enemies without a single t r a c e being left behind, even tho he's a monster now and has a LOT more strength than a normal human, he still tends to use guns or knives but isn't afraid to use his monstrous features if need be, narcissistic bastardery at its finest- compliment him and watch his ego inflate! "Don't you want r e a l friends Alphonse and not just henchmen or lackeys?" "....Non, not in the slightest, absolutely disgusting to even ASSUME I need friends, I, myself am my best company, better than any friend could e v e r do" w o w- b a s t a r d energy there huh) | Side Facts: ...Truth be told, he won't e v e r forget the day he turned into... this... this t h i n g... Even if he's accepted his fate, even if he's accepted to be this monster, the memory still lingers and haunts him and his very dreams, he has nightmares about it, and its mostly due to the agonizing pain he felt d u r i n g his little "transformation", it happened one day- he was in his own medic's lab (yes, the bitch has his o w n doctor), it was a normal routine health check up his medic liked to do- the man was always harping onto Alphonse for that pesky smoking habit of his, but then suddenly, one of the rival- well, t h e y call themselves family- Alphonse only considers the people he hired to be henchmen, lackeys, OR- just employees for basic terms, but one of his rivals broke in and decided to open fire and of course, it turned into an all out gun war, Alphonse DID get shot- which is what caused him to stumble backwards into a shelf full of god knows what, after he bumped it, a few jars of weird substances had fallen onto him, after that he could feel his body twisting and contorting, he remembers the a g o n i z i n g pain he felt that day, it was worse than that mere gunshot wound that he had... Aside from the horrifying memory of what fate had befell him... He also remembers what he d i d to his little rivals... He remembers the mortified and terror-stricken look on their faces, all of them had ran- except for... their boss... so much for "family sticks together" huh, he remembers slithering over towards the boss, who- well, he tried to fire from the looks of it, but he was so terrified that he had dropped his gun, Alphonse had never seen such terror on a grown man's face like that, but he loved e v e r y. s e c o n d. until the very end, he doesn't remember what came over him in the end, maybe it was blind fury, or maybe it was just instincts, but after he did what he did... He remembers seeing the boss's head ripped off completely along with other limbs ripped off and flung across the room. Unfortunately, his suit was v e r y messy after that- He actually still keeps the boss's head preserved- almost like a t r o p h y in fact... ....Oh, your probably wondering what happened to his doctor, right? ....Well, I'll say is he's still out there, he didn't get killed- neither by the rivals nor Alphonse's instincts/fury, but truth be told... He doesn't REALLY wanna come back, he wants to stay hidden- I will say, yes- he DID see Alphonse transform, but after that he fled- part of him figured deep down that Alphonse would be v e r y angry with him since h e was technically the one who had those jars just sitting around on the shelf and he did NOT wanna stick around if that man was c r o s s with him... now whether or not Alphonse will ever encounter/find him again? ... Who knows- h e h ASIDE from all the backstory of why he turned into a Tentaspy, let's move onto things Alphonse just- likes to do in his spare time when he's not talking business n all that jazz- He usually smokes some of his cigarettes or cigars, he loves the cigars more though- he'll also do some reading in his spare time as well, or he'll listen to some calming music- sometimes he'll do all three, smoke, read, and listen to some calming music- he's not... the most exciting man, he's just usually busy- so when he's not- he'll just do those things- He'll SOMETIMES go outside and get some fresh air, usually its at night- not necessarily just bc there's l e s s people to worry about- but usually because he enjoys looking up and seeing the moonlight when its out, such a beautiful sight...

[svucarisiaddict]

can you do a nick one where the reader is a detective and she ends up in a hostage situation and the hostage taker puts the gun to her head and says something like “you love her. Don’t you?” To nick and he has to admit it

//This is so long! Sorry! I’m talking 2500+words…I get a bit carried away sometimes//

Soft light started filtering through the curtains waking you from your peaceful slumber. A heavy arm was over your body holding you in place which was fine and dandy with you. Mornings like this were few and far between for you and Nick so you were relishing every second.

“You awake?” Nick mumbled as he nuzzled his nose in your hair. His hand skimmed down your bare thigh. “Cause if your not. I’m about to give you a very rude awakening.”

“Hmmm…just how rude?” You shifted your hips to press back into Nick.

“Obscenely rude,” he replied.

“Oh, how I love Saturdays.”

Nick peppered kisses on your shoulder and down your arm while his hand traveled over your belly slowly making his way to the juncture between your thighs. Nick’s phone rang and buzzed on the nightstand. He groaned as he rolled away from you to answer. “Amaro. Got it Liv. I’ll be there in 20. No. It’s okay. I’ll call her. See ya.”

“How bad?” you asked as you sat on the side of the bed before standing and wrapping the sheet around you.

“Bad bad,” Nick answered. “Rape, homicide and hostage situation.” He pulled on his boxers and started redressing.

“Jesus. Guess that answers my next question about a shower. What time is it anyway?”

“Uh, just after 6am. You finish getting dressed. I’ll get the coffee going.” He rounded to your side of the bed and kissed your cheek. “Good morning by the way, .”

“It would’ve been a lot better if Liv hadn’t have called,” you grumbled.

Thirty minutes later you and Nick rolled up to the scene. Liv and Carisi were already there and Fin was pulling up at the same time as you.

“Mornin’ guys. Didn’t you wear that suit yesterday, Amaro? Dry cleaners closed or somthin’?” He smirked.

You hid a grin behind your coffee cup. Fin knew about you and Nick but put on that he didn’t. You had a pretty great partner in Fin. Usually, Nick had an extra suit at your place. Unfortunately, the suit he had on was extra from when he stayed the previous night.

Nick nodded his head. “Yeah. Something like that.”

The three of you reached Liv and Carisi to get a briefing on the situation at hand. She gave you a quick rundown. A man followed his ex and her new boyfriend home. Raped her, killed the new boyfriend and was now holding her and her roommate hostage.

“Hey, Nick. Is that the same suit from yesterday?” Sonny asked as the group walked to the mobile command.

“Shut up, Carisi,” Nick said.

“Sorry, Sarge,” Sonny replied.

Liv eyed you and Nick but didn’t comment. “Well now that we’ve all acknowledged that Nick is wearing the same suit he did yesterday can we please get back to the case?” She gave pointed looks to you and Nick. “Okay, guys name is Jake Malone.”

Your ears perked at the name. “The hostage taker? He early 30’s, tall, red hair?” you asked.

“Think you know him?” Fin asked.

“Possibly. An old roommate had a brother by that name. Probably a coincidence,” you concluded.

“Here is his picture,” Liv said as she passed you the tablet she had in he hand.

“It is him. Holy shit,” you mumbled. Something in his eyes was different. He was always happy, the life of the party, his eyes bright, but now they just looked sad. “Has anyone made contact with him?”

“Just one phone call from the negotiator but he hung up,” Liv informed you.

“Let me talk to him. Maybe if it’s someone he knows he’ll be more open to talking,” you suggested.

“You’re not going in there,” Nick blurted out. “Too dangerous. Even more so because he knows you.”

Everyone’s eyebrows shot up in surprise at Nick’s outburst. Except for you. Right now you were shooting him daggers. Smooth, Nick. Real smooth. “Who do you think you are? Last I checked I could make my own decisions,” you snapped.

Nick pointed a finger in the air at you. “I’m your sergeant and your-” Nick stopped his speech right before he outed the two of you the squad, half the ESU and negotiations. “I’ll go. I doubt he wants to talk to a woman right now since he feels like he was screwed over by one.”

“You may be my sergeant but Liv has final say.” Crossing your hand over your chest you turned your attention to her. “So. Do you think I can handle it?”

She stood silent for a moment no doubt replaying the interaction that you and Nick just had. Liv looked between you and Nick. “Get your vest on,” she directed you.

“Your alpha male is showing,” you said in passing. You made it a point to shoulder check him.

“Really mature,” he mumbled.

“Fin you stay close to her, but out of sight,” Liv ordered.

“On it,” Fin replied. He jogged to catch up with you. “Trouble in paradise?” he asked you.

You looked around to be sure no one could hear you. “It’s like all of a sudden he sees me like some fragile porcelain doll,” you answered. “Drives me nuts.”

“He sees as more than a fellow cop now. The dynamic of your relationship has changed. Nick has always been protective but now that you two are…well together that protectiveness just went into overdrive,” Fin explained.

“You ready? We got him on the phone.” The negotiator said.

You nodded and took the phone as he passed it to you. “Jake? It’s Y/F/N Y/L/N. I’d like to come up and talk with you if that’s okay?” He repeated your name then was silent. He finally agreed but only without a gun and you had to come alone. “That’s not a problem, Jake. I’m giving my gun to my partner right now.” You unholstered your gun handing it over to Fin.

When Nick saw what you were doing he shook his head and started stalking toward you. You halted him with one look. He clenched his jaw but stayed put.

The walk up the five flights of stairs felt like it took forever. When you reached the apartment you rapped on the door. A woman opened the door with the chain attached. “I’m Y/N.” The door closed and you heard the chain slide open. You were ushered in quickly. The woman that opened the seemed unharmed physically but she was terrified. Her eyes were big as she opened the door. “What’s your name?” you asked the brunette.

“Tori,” she said.

“It’s okay, Tori. I’m gonna get you out of here,” you said in a calm voice.

Holding your hands up you made eye contact with Jake. It had been a couple years that you had seen him. His eyes were haunted.

He blinked rapidly and shook his head. “Y/N? I’m sorry. I don’t know why I did it,” he said in a shaky voice. His arm was around her neck with a gun pushed to her head.

“Cause you’re a psycho. I should have known as soon as we started dating,” the blonde said. Must be the ex, Mandy.

This was your opportunity, a little role reversal. “Okay, Mandy. What did you do him?”

The look she gave you could kill. After a beat, she understood what you were trying to do. “I-I had a miscarriage, cheated on him,” she stammered.  “I’m so sorry, Jake. It was wrong.”

“Too late for apologies. Our baby is gone. Maybe you should have thought about that before you became a slut,” he spat.

“I’m sorry you have to go through that. That was a horrible thing to do,” you empathized.

He lowered the gun. “I just want to be happy again,” he said.

“I know you do. What you went through, I can’t imagine.” You bite your bottom lip then took a deep breath. “Why don’t let these two go. So we can sit and talk,” you suggested.

His phone started ringing. “That will be my lieutenant. She wants to help get everyone out safely,” you stated.

He never broke eye contact with you as he answered the phone. “Hello? They’re fine. No. No. I won’t do that.” He took a deep breath then pushed on the screen of the phone setting it on a nearby table. “Tell him you are okay. He doesn’t believe me.”

“This is Sargeant Amaro. How is everyone?”

Fucking Nick. “We’re fine, Sergeant. Jake is calm. We’re talking.” The other women chimed in saying they were fine. “We were talking. Jake is going to let Tori go. Right, Jake?”

Jake put his hand to his head. “I dunno.”

“If you cooperate with them, they work with you, Jake,” you reminded him.

“Go. Fucking go.”

“Tori. Head out, slowly.” She nodded her head in acknowledgment. You breathed a sigh of relief when she got out the door. “Tori is coming down now.”

“Thank you-” Nick was saying but Jake ended the call.

Mandy tried to squirm out of his grasp. “Not you,” he said and tightened his arm around her neck.

“Please, Jake. I’m sorry. I-I want to come back. I was stupid-” she begged before she was cut off by Jake.

“You really think I want you back? A cheating whore?” he said with disgust. “I want someone that will stay loyal, honest…”

You knew ESU had cameras, mics, snipers in place by this time. It’s what I want too. Hard to find it these days. Seems all anyone wants is a roll in the hay, then see ya later.”

Jake eyed you skeptically. “Yeah. Or they act like they want to be with you but don’t actually make the commitment.”

You smiled. “You really seem to get me. Why didn’t we talk more when I and your sister were roommates?”

He actually gave you a smile. “I was too shy. You were older and just seemed out of my league.” Jake started loosening his grip on Mandy. “Do-do you have a boyfriend?”

“I really wouldn’t call him that,” you scoffed. “Probably using me like every other man has. Guess I’ll take what I can get. It’s really all I deserve.” Looking up at him through your lashes you said, “makes me wonder if there are any good guys left out there.”

“Those are boys. Men don’t treat women like that,” Jake stated. “You deserve better than whoever it is you’re with right now.”

“You’re right.” Taking a couple cautious steps toward Jake you said, “let Mandy go. Me and you, we need to be alone. Talk.”

The phone rang again. “Answer it,” he directed. “On speaker.”

Slowly you reached for the phone. “This is Detective Y/L/N.”

“This is Lieutenant Benson. Is Jake able to talk?” she asked.

“He’s here, Liv.” You nodded at Jake.

“Hello?” he said.

“I want to thank you for letting Tori go. What can we do for you?”

Jake looked to you. “It’s okay. Liv is a good person. She’ll help you,” you insisted.

“Nothing you can give me,” he said.

“How about you let Mandy go? We’ll help you get out safe,” she offered.

“I can stay with him. He doesn’t want to be alone,” you said. You could hear Nick in the background swearing and saying no way. Liv covered the speaker to block Nick. Once he had either calmed down or moved away she came back on the phone.

“Can you do that? Can you let Mandy go and Y/N can stay?” Liv asked.

Jake furrowed his brow. The hand holding the gun clenched around the handle and released. He was contemplating his choices. Jake nodded quickly.

You let out breath you didn’t know you were holding. “Liv? Mandy is on her way.”

“Great. That’s great, Jake. Thank you for working with us,” Liv said.

Mandy slowly slipped out of Jake’s arm. She cautiously walked to the door, her eyes flicking from you back to Jake. You heard the door the door open then click shut in short succession. Just you and Jake. Your mind raced with thoughts of how you were going to get out of this one. “Why don’t we sit?” you said.

Jake took a seat on the couch then gestured you to join him. “Tell me. This guy you’re with, do you work with him?”

“I do. Which was a bad decision right out of the block. I thought he may be different but…” you sighed. The things you were telling Jake were real feelings. Fin tried to talk you out of getting involved. But by the time he had found out you were in too deep with Nick. The scary part was you had fallen in love with Nick months ago.

“You love him?” he asked.

It wasn’t a question you had expected. “Yeah. Pretty sure he doesn’t feel the same. Unrequited love has to be one of the worst feelings in the world.”

A commotion at the door startled both you and Jake. Nick came busting through the door. Jake grabbed you and put the gun at your side. “Who the hell are you?” he screamed.

“Sargeant Amaro. Put the gun down, Jake!” Nick warned. He turned his eyes to you, clearly afraid. He mouthed “I’m sorry.”

“It’s you. Isn’t it? The one that has been playing Y/N,” Jake challenged.

“I’m not playing her. I love her,” Nick said softly. His eyes shifted to yours.

The next thing you knew Jake was on the floor holding his knee. The sniper finally had a clean shot. Nick rushed over and kicked the gun from Jake’s reach. ESU burst through the doors as Nick was cuffing him. Once he was taken out of the apartment by ESU it was just you and Nick.

Nick took your hand to lead you out the door. “Let’s get you checked out by the EMT’s”

“I’m fine-”

Nick sighed then mumbled. “Can’t you ever do anything you’re told?”

“Now what fun would that be?” you joked.

Nick waited for you until you got the all clear from the paramedics. He put his arm around your shoulders as you walked to the car. “I want to talk about earlier when I said I love you-”

“It’s okay, Nick. I know you said it because there was a gun held on me,” you gave him a tight smile. “I get it. Going through a divorce-”

Nick stopped and grasped your shoulders. “I love you, Y/N,” Nick interrupted you this time. He didn’t give you time to say anything as he leaned over and kissed you. Like a reflex, his arms encircled your body and yours wrapped around his neck.

Cheers, claps, and whistling made the two of you stop and giggle. When you turned Liv was the first person you saw. She had her fingers between her lips eliciting a high pitched whistle.

“Bout time!” Fin called.

Sonny was clapping and smiling wide.

“I think we have everyone’s approval,” Nick said with a beaming smile.

“Seems so.” You put your hand on Nick’s chest. “ I love you too, Nick.” This time you stood on tiptoe to give him a kiss much to the delight of the audience.

[rainbowdoom32]

So I'm going to start identifying myself as aspec. Previously I identified as a bisexual aromantic but upon furthur consideration I might be asexual.

I'm posting about this b/c 1) it puts it out there and makes the lable feel more real and tangible

2) I know some of y'all IRL or on a personal enough basis that I feel you should know

3) A queers need more visibilty in gen

4) cause I want to talk abouy it

So Idk how to do a read more and am on mobile so if you dont want to hear about what being aspec means to me start scrolling now

So. In the aspec community (do we have a better word?) theres an overwhelming discourse about sexual and romantic repulsion. For those of you who dont know thats when the idea of sex , sexual content, sex itself, the idea of romance, romantic gestures, and/or romantic content acts as a squick for you it creates some spectrum of a revulsion in you to be confronted with one or more of these things. Its an overwhelming discourse for many reasons but the one I want to talk about is that it makes it obvious that your ace or aro if your repulsed by sex or romance. The process for discovering your aspec identity is easier in a way, specifically in a way it isnt for me.

See I dont experience sexual or romantic repulsion. I like romance stories and porn. I actively seek these things out. I'm not put off by discussions of others romantic or sexual lives (specific aspects may repulse me but in general I'm interested in these especially when coming from people I care about). So naturally as a teenager I never considered myself as aspec. i considered myself bisexual almost immediatly (there was a thing where I thought I was tricking myself into thinking I liked women to be included in the queer community. More on that later) it took two very short very middle school esque (one took place my sophmore year) relationships and an accidental internet encounter with the concept of aromantisim for me to realise that the reason this wasnt working for me was because I didnt really want it.

The more I thought of myself as aro the more things made sense. At the slumber parties as a kid I never had a crush to confess. Those two failed relationshios? Guy friends I'd gotten real close to and thought my new stronger friendship feelings must be what romantic attraction feels like. Also the real sticker, I dont get jealousy in romance at all. Like that one goes over my head. I dont understand why cheating is the worst thing someone can do in a relationship to the point that people who've been sucked into a cycle of abuse and have become convinced everything is their fault will snap when they discover they were cheated on. That is absolutly mind boggling for me.

The point of that is I never got that ew ick romance feeling. As a reult the road to discovering I was aromantic was long and and full of doubt. Doubt that went along the lines of "Maybe I just havent found the right person". Which also happens to be the exact thing my mum says to me everytime I try to explain that Im aromantic to her. Bisexuality she understands and accepts. This she doesnt. So even though I know intellectually theres no right person for me that niggling doubt remains andit haunts me.

Now im going to devolve a bit here and I know what this sounds like but im seriously not trying to be offensive just explain something

See I read a fanfic recently. I dont remeber how I found it but it was a Stony fic and the story and the set up were very romantic cliche. Basically Steve was Tony's booty call it evolves to friends with benefits Steve falls in love. Textbook stuff. But see theres a wrench because the author identifies as aromantic is with the definition we have aromantic. They write their identity onto Tony. Thats something we do in fanfic and in writing. But the problem I ran into is this: the author identifies as aromantic because they experience romantic repulsion(yes they told me this) so in the fic Tony is in love with Steve but experiences romantic repulsion. The idea of romance of romantic commitment makes him anxious and sick. This is how the author feels FWB allows them to experience intimacy without triggering their repulsion. Identifying as atomantic makes them feel not broken. This so good right? This is why we have labels

Except. When I read this part of the story it hurt me. Directly. See Tong Stark has Daddy Issues. Ehen the author wrote about Tony's romantic repulsion narritevly they tied it into Tony's not nice childhood. I dont know specifically why it wasnt part of thwir explanation when I told them their story hurt me. I didnt ask. But this narritive decision made what was essentially was an author expressing their experience as an aromantic in a story feel like a personal attack against my aromantic identity.

See when I read that what I read was "Tony Stark cant commit to an actual relationship with Steve Rogers because Howard Starks Grade A parenting fucked up his ability to recieve expressions of love and his ability to commit. Tony Stark is in romantic love with Steve Rogers but his childhood trauma prevents him from expresing it in the traditional manner this is what being aromantic is"

That hurt. Because it hit that little doubt in my head about not having met the "right person" and mixed it up with some childhood trauma made you a broken person. It also hit me while I felt safe. Romance stories are my escapism. Their like an extra element of fantasy in a story for me. I specifically seek out romantic stories as a comforting mechanism. Fanfics in particular because of their inclusivity. I was in my safe space, and I was whammed in a sore spot.

The problem is though the author has a right to that story and that label and to express themselves. We usually draw the line at self expression where it hurts other people but thats not what happened here. What happened here was definitial confusion. The author and I were using "aromantic" to describe two different but similar romantic orientations. In doing so we hurt each other ironically in the same way. We both said to each other "Your identity is wrong and toxic you hurt people and yourself by expressing it the way you do". (I left a comment saying how her story affected me)

When I say I'm aromantic I mean I experience no romantic feelings. None nada zilch. The idea that I might one day experience a type of romantic feeling is an aggression against me. The same way the idea that gay people can choose to be straight is an aggression against being gay.

But I can't invalidate someone else to protect myself. What do I do? I dont want to hurt myself and I dont want to hurt other people? Idk

And now to why I no longer identify as bisexual.

I'm a virgin. Because most peoples first time is with someone their in a romantic relationship with. And we'll I dont do that. Im also a socially anxious person. I have no idea how to instogate a sexual encounter and honeslty I wouldnt feel comftorable dping it with someone I couldnt trust or alternatively someone I'm friends with and would have to continue being juat friends with in post we had sex awkwardness. So ive never had an opportunity to have sex.

But I also havent sought them out. And I dont feel particularly driven to. These are reasons to think your asexual but I'm sure it's also the experience of many introverted and secually awkawrd people. And it's not like I couldnt have sex at some future point. Even now if an opportunity arose I might say yes, of only to confirm my asexuality.

The thing that has made me actually consider if I'm ace tho is a weird quirk of mine. I cant get off to prom videos. I use lit erotica. Why? Cause the idea that those are real live people puts me off. Porn stars and amateur porn makers know people get off watching their videos. Theyre okay with that. But I'm not. At all. Thats a big ol nope for me.

See I'm a ciswoman. Which means I have a clitoris. An organ whose only purpose is to provide pleasure. As everyone knows reciving pleasure via the clit requires no participation by a second person. The fact that my clitiros functions as intended and that I use it isnt sexual attraction.

Thats a new idea for me. But it's true isnt it? Sexual attraction is about other people. And sure I can appreciate other people's hotness. But just because I think a horse is pretty doesnt mean I want to fuck it. Remeber that thing about thinking I was faking bisexuality?? I was right. I wasnt sexually attracted to women. But what I hadnt bothered to consider because of heteronormativity was that I wasnt sexually attracted to men either.

Other fun fact in case you might be an ace person who's read this far (why? Also hi Katie and possibly Sadie but definelty Nishat. No im not implying any of you are ace) I dont have sex dreams. But I do have dreams in which I masturbate. So stick that jn your pipe and smoke it.

Anyways these are all experinces that I have that I feel neccessry to share to make it so the repulsion story isnt the only one out there. And also to start a discourse about how experiencing and not experiencing repulsion affect aspec experience. Thanks for reading!

[blueyesandleatherjacket]

Ghost of you, 14/?

Volume: 1.

Number of parts: 14/?.

Pairings: Human!Nine x Rose; Human!Ten x Jack; Clara Oswald x Olivia Baxter (OC).

Synopsis: "Rose opened the interactive screen and changed the setting for the attached glass wall. It became transparent. Allegro turned around to see Maxence wandering around his cage, a washable felt tip in hand. He had a screen open with all the results his team had entered on their work space and all the other walls were covered with his handwriting."

A/N: I've started writing this fiction last year after I had a particularly weird dream (as usual) and after I wrote the prologue, I've put it aside to work on other stuff. I've gone back to it not so long ago and decided that it would be the fiction I would post next, after not posting anything for a while. I must have watched I am legend and Game of thrones way too much to come out with something like this but I hope you will like it. I am not a scientist, nor did I have a particular knowledge of sciences. I do my researches on the internet like everyone to make sure everything is as close to the reality as possible. I have a literature degree only. Writing is what I do and it makes me explore next fields, and learn new things.

“It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being.” - John Joseph Powell.

CHAPTER 14:

Amy didn’t leave Rose any second while she worked. It was an offer Rose had made to her: observing her as she worked so she could make her own opinion on her. She wouldn’t be biased by anything her patient would have said. Rose was only natural when she was working. She wasn’t pretending to be fine. She wasn’t wearing a mask. She was just herself and being a witness of it would help Amy understand her patient better. The therapist was glad that this idea came from Rose herself and not from her. The woman wasn’t gonna refuse this opportunity and she wasn’t gonna abuse this benefit either. Rose had also offered her to be a friend and that was very unexpected for Amy. Someone asking to be a friend. Rose hadn’t asked questions about why she had had to leave the session for a few minutes. She was giving Amy the time to build a good friendship before opening up to her. The therapist was sat beside Zachary who was keeping his eyes on the screen before him. He was trying to fix the intrusion that had happened a couple days ago. The hacker had left a real mess inside the codes and he had to fix this. Amy’s eyes were focused on Rose though. Standing in front of Allegro’s cage, she was reading the updates on his condition. She was studying the scans from two days ago and the ones Tegan had done in the morning. There was a clear evolution. Being exposed to the UV lights had caused him to develop some symptoms of the virus and react consequently. Now that the lights were off, he had gotten back to normal and was being completely normal again. He was a bit shaken by the situation but he was talking to Liv when he felt the need to. He refused to speak to Amy. He trusted Liv more than the therapist to be honest. The security guard came to the intercom and pressed the button. He was curious about his own situation. Except for Liv and sometimes Zach, no one was speaking to him. And no one was telling him much about how things were evolving for him, for Maxence, for the cure. “How is he going?” he asked. Rose raised her head from the notes she was taking and glanced at Allegro. She tucked her pen in the pocket of her white coat. She pressed the button to answer. “He’s better. Kyle has been brave by going inside unprotected to save his life. I’ve released him today. He hasn’t developed the virus thankfully.” “Antibodies?” “We’re working on that. His body has rejected the noctiagus very fast.” “It’s good. He’s very young. Would have been a really bad thing to lose him too.” “We haven’t lost you, nor Maxence.” “But we’re both in a cage, and he’s infected.” “Both of you are helping us to find the cure.” “How?” Rose opened the interactive screen and changed the setting for the attached glass wall. It became transparent. Allegro turned around to see Maxence wandering around his cage, a washable felt tip in hand. He had a screen open with all the results his team had entered on their work space and all the other walls were covered with his handwriting. “Someone hacked the system and made us believe that his sensors had to be changed. But when we proceeded to the change, the phial wasn’t the right one. Someone has replaced the sensors with a supposed cure that did more damages than anything else.” “Have you found who did this?” “Not yet. But we have a couple of detectives here. Maybe they will find this for us.” Rose chuckled lightly. It was her first joke in a while. She set the wall back to opaque. For a second, Allegro was silent. He put his hands in his pockets. “Who are those detectives?” “Camden McCarson and Donna Noble. Jack has recommended them. Him and Clara think the virus has been created by someone and the detectives are looking for the patient zero.” “Is there any chance to find him or her?” “Very little. But if we don’t try, we’ll never know.” “Indeed.” Their talk was over for now. Allegro walked back to his camp bed and lay back down. His hands behind his head, he looked at the ceiling. Rose finished taking her notes and put them aside. She went to Maxence’s cage and read the new formulas on the walls. He was doing quite a nice work. She was a molecular biologist too and all of this made sense to her… except for one thing. She pulled out her own washable felt pen and wrote down another formula right under the wrong one. She did it backward so he could read it from his cage. Then, she knocked on the glass wall to draw his attention. Maxence raised his head when he heard the knock and walked closer to where Rose was. She pointed to the formula she had written. He took his time to read it and checked his notes. He shook his head and pointed to another formula. He was trying to explain her how he had come to this conclusion and she was trying to tell him where she thought he was wrong. It was a silent communication, all in hand gestures and written formulas on a glass wall. It was fascinating for Amy. Any other couple of scientists wouldn’t have had this alchemy between them. They were working together as if they were the same person. If there was a picture next to the soulmate definition in the dictionary, it had to be them. They were the perfect representation of this word. Even in the darkest times, they remained together, hand in hand. Amy grabbed a pen and a piece of paper to note her observations. Usually, she was recording them but she couldn’t record what was happening here. She could later ask for the videos but they wouldn’t be as convincing as seeing it happen live. She was envious. She had never had this kind of love with someone. Not even with her ex-husband. The thought distracted her and, for a minute, she was unable to focus on Rose without thinking about what she had lost on this terrible night. She could hear it still. The screams, the screeching of the tyres on the road, the gasp of surprise, and that sound. That so terrible sound that was haunting her nightmares. She closed her eyes briefly and took a deep breath. She needed to push it away quickly, before anyone could see her weakness. Now wasn’t the time but she was vulnerable and had troubles controlling herself. “Are you okay?” Amy jumped when she felt a hand touching her shoulder and turned around. Rose was done with Maxence. They had managed to find a solution to the problem they had found in the formulas obviously and Maxence was using a new colour to distinguish his new notes from the old ones. “He’s a busy bee,” she remarked. She hated how her voice was trembling, how Rose was seeing clear in the poker face she was showing. She hated being this vulnerable. Rose glanced quickly at her husband. “Yeah. We found something. I’m waiting until he’s done to compare our results.” If he happened to have the same as hers, it meant that they were on a good path. They couldn’t be wrong if the two of them were coming to the same conclusions. “He’s almost done.” Rose knew she shouldn’t do what she had in mind but she would do it anyway. She had promised to be a friend for Amy and her mission was to help her to get better. So she was gonna take her to the room she was sharing with Maxence and she was gonna force her to have some rest there instead of going to her office like she always did. The therapist was as exhausted as Rose and a bit of rest was hardly a luxury. Maxence concluded his formulas and Rose checked them. She smiled. They had the same results. They hadn’t used the same way to get there but the result was there. She pressed the intercom button. “Add this on your interface. I’ll transfer it all to Tegan.” Maxence nodded. He would do just that. Rose watched him sadly for a minute. She really wanted to come in there and hug him tight to tell him that everything would be alright. She would find this cure. She murmured an ‘I love you’ and told Amy to follow her. “Where are you taking me?” “To a place that used to be my oasis of calm before.” Amy had to admit that she was intrigued and it didn’t get any better when she recognised the private parts of the building. They passed by the dormitories but didn’t stop before they reached the kitchen. “First, let’s eat something. I’m rather hungry. Aren’t you?” “Sort of.” Amy wasn’t eating much. It had been this way since that night. She was eating just enough to have strengths for the day. This meal was the first real one she was eating in a while. But Rose wasn’t letting her refuse. She was even forcing her to eat a bit more than necessary. After that, she took her to the room she was sharing with Maxence, the room where all their pictures were. A room where she was supposed to find her own peace and have a better night of sleep.

x

Tegan was standing in the middle of his office, his arms folded on his chest, and his foot lightly tapping the ground. He was being impatient and angry all at once. Soon as he was done with the detectives, he had sent them to work. Jack had tried to stay and find out what was annoying him so badly but Tegan had resisted and convinced him that this matter only concerned Martha, Colin and him. He would let him know later maybe. No one else should know about this attempt of sabotage. Martha and Colin were there now. Both were sat on the couch and they were waiting for Tegan to speak. Martha was rather worried about this sudden summoning and Colin… Colin was Colin. He was sat there, impassible. Tegan couldn’t do anything against him. He was the real boss here. So he wasn’t worried. “Are you gonna look daggers at us all day or tell us what has made you summon us?” His words were sweating with sarcasm but he was trying to be as nice as he could be in front of Tegan. There was a witness and he couldn’t be caught bullying him once again. He doubted Martha would intervene between them but she could spread rumours just by talking with her stupid boyfriend, Ricky. Or Mickey. Whatever he was called. Tegan grabbed the report on his desk and threw it on Colin’s lap without a word. He was so furious he wanted to punch him in the face. But that wasn’t the attitude of a leader. So he was containing his rage. “One of you had mixed a new cure without telling me and this cure was given to our patient number one.” “And? What’s the matter? Isn’t that why you’re keeping him downstairs?” Tegan swallowed the anger rising in his chest. Colin was obviously looking for troubles with him. Martha was glancing at them worriedly. She didn’t know the story between the two of them but it didn’t seem to be a nice one. “This cure hasn’t been registered and it has been given without any consent. Everything is supposed to be given to me first for approval before anything.” “I haven’t mixed anything,” admitted Martha. “I’m still waiting for the new results. They haven’t been approved yet since…” She gave a look to Colin. He wasn’t in the elite team so she didn’t know what she could say before him. She didn’t want to make a mistake and be yelled at for it. Tegan was in a murderous mood and she wouldn’t cause him to have a go at her. “Martha, you can go. Not a word about this to anyone.” “What? A couple words and you believe her?” Tegan made a gesture of the hand to signify Martha that she was dismissed. He believed her. He would believe anyone but Colin. Martha hesitantly left the office. This matter was interesting but she wouldn’t know the final word of it obviously. “I have reasons to believe that you’re trying to sabotage our researches. I have no proof but I am convinced you’re still working on this cure, that you’re trying to beat us to it.” “Why would I do that?” “We both know why. You’ve been removed from the noctiagus researches and you’re angry. You hate me and I’m your boss now. To me, there are enough reasons here for you to get on my way.” “You’re being paranoid.” “You’ve created that cure.” “Maybe.” “Don’t try to lie. I know you did. I have access to all the cameras in this building. I’ve seen the videos.” He was bluffing and hoped that it would work because he wasn’t a good liar usually. Lying in his bully’s face was harder too. Colin didn’t let any reaction appear on his face. It was infuriating Tegan so much. “So, how’s good old Maxence? He hasn’t gone mad in that cage of his?” “Maxence hasn’t come back from his last mission.” “Oh, don’t play fool with me. I know he’s down there. Everyone knows. It’s not because you created this special team that keeps secret everything they do that there aren’t leaks.” “If you had good narks in this building, you would know better.” Colin was done with Tegan’s assumptions on him and his hidden threats that would lead nowhere. If the man had had the courage to do anything, he would have done it already since he had full power now. He had admitted himself that he didn’t have proof that he was guilty of what was done to Maxence. It was an attempt of murder. Despite his condition, Maxence was still the head and heart of this department and of this team. Attacking him was attacking the whole team. It had been made to destabilise them. But Colin was too clever to admit that he was guilty. “The same works for you, Smith. If you had good narks in this building, you’d be better informed about what is going on in your department.” Colin was playing it nasty. He was playing on the guilt that was eating out Tegan. He was the one who made that injection who could have killed his so precious mentor. He was the one who made a mistake and that was torturing him. “Shut up, Appleton. My mistake was created by some freaking bastard that messed with our stuff. And that freaking bastard is you, you can’t convince me otherwise.” Colin got up and grabbed Tegan by the throat. He pushed him so hard that the young man had to step backward to keep his balance. Tegan noticed for the first time that he was taller than Colin. The man was more aggressive but he was just like small dogs who kept barking and never really were able to hurt. Tegan was one of the bigger dogs who never hurt anyone in anyway, a dog that could attack and kill at any time. He hated this comparison because that just wasn’t defining him at all. He refused to be mean and evil for free. It just wasn’t in his character. “Careful what you say, Smith. You might be the boss now but there’s no witness at the moment and I can destroy you with a snap of my fingers.” “Go on then. Let’s see if you really have that pair you’re boasting about.” Colin had reached the point of no return this time. His fist collided with Tegan’s beardy jaw. The punch resounded in the silent office and the sudden shock threw Tegan against the wall behind him. For a moment, all he could see was black. He shouldn’t have provoked Colin that way and this punch was more than enough to sack him. It was one more reason added to the long list of why Colin shouldn’t be working here anymore. “There’s nothing you can do against me. I’ve created this cure and made sure you would inject it to him. His reaction to it wasn’t the one expected but I’m not gonna apologise for him almost dying. I should have taken his place when he was infected. But he gave it to you instead.” Tegan just laughed despite the pain of his jaw. Colin was so overwhelmed by his jealousy that he wasn’t doing anything right anymore. He was giving himself away – certainly thinking that Tegan would find no clue to prove this – and beating his superior. As if nothing mattered anymore. “You won’t find that cure, Colin. You’re fired.” “Oh, who’s firing me? You?” “Maxence promoted me to this position. So yeah, I am firing you.” That second punch met his face properly. He would have a black eye for sure but he couldn’t help but laugh. It was infuriating Colin but laughing was relieving him from all the pressure Colin had previously put on his shoulders. Now he wasn’t fearing this man anymore. It was over. Even when Colin threw him to the ground, he kept laughing. He didn’t even try to protect himself. “You’re so done.” “Shut up! SHUT UP!” The door was unlocked and suddenly two security members were surrounding Colin. They grabbed him by the arms and arrested him. They would throw him into a locked room for now. Tegan had pronounced his sentence but he wasn’t cruel enough to force Colin to leave the building and live among the infected. He wasn’t wishing it to his worst enemies. “Liv is on her way,” said one of the security members. “We’ve told her you would need her.” Tegan nodded to thank them. Indeed, he would need Liv. But it was only for the physical part. On the psychological part, he would need Amy. Later. When the adrenaline would have come down. When he would realise what he had done and what it would imply now.

x

Camden and Donna were surrounded by dozens of cardboard boxes full of results of different patients across the world. There even was a list of all the infected people – that was updated every day – and a list of some of dead. No one could keep clear records about the dead because no one was staying outside long enough to keep track of it. Camden wasn’t gonna blame them. Outside was hell and this place was safety. Even if it was too sterilised for his liking. And people were too serious. No sense of humour. Lots of glaring if he was making a remark. Most of them were wondering why they were here. Why would Tegan hire detectives? It was a mystery and Camden wouldn’t tell them about his mission. He was too focused on it. He would go to the end of it and go back to his little life in his manor. Donna was just as focused on their mission as he was. Highlighters in hand, she was adding colours to the documents she was reading. She was also writing down notes. In front of her, there were bottles of water and snacks. They had been brought earlier by Clara so they wouldn’t be starving or become too thirsty if they were working too much. She had also taken that opportunity to speak with Camden that she hadn’t seen in a while and given him some clues for his own researches. She doubted she would be of any help but better try than do nothing. “How have you met her?” Camden raised his head from the documents he was reading and glanced at Donna. She was having a break and drinking water from one of the bottles before her. She picked a snack and opened it. She had been curious about how Camden could know people like Clara Oswald and Jack Harkness. Two people that were very different from each other but also from Camden. Too joyful, too flirty. Not that Donna minded Jack flirting with her. “Who?” “Doctor Oswald.” “She wasn’t a doctor when I’ve met her. She was just a little girl.” “Are you that old?” “Oi!” “Just kidding. Relax.” “Her parents owned a paper shop. They had really good stuff. I used to order my notebooks to them and I was coming to get it when I was around. Clara was always playing in the shop. A girl full of energy and always smiling.” “I didn’t know you liked kids.” “I don’t. But she was different.” “That’s what we say.” Camden sighed and went back to work, ignoring Donna’s chuckle. She had had her answer, now they could go back to work. He was currently reading a report from the early days of the infection. Something dragged his attention. A name. “Wait, isn’t the nickname Missy ringing a bell?” “Nope.” “I’m sure to have seen that name somewhere.” He looked into the files he had already flipped through. This name had appeared somewhere. He remembered it well. He had a very good memory. It wasn’t in a list of names. It was a report. A report from before the infection. Missy or Myrtle Appleton. Sister of Colin Appleton and mad scientist. What was she working on at the moment? He glanced at the different reports he had under his eyes. Xeroderma pigmentosum. Disease of the sun. If you were suffering from this disease, you wouldn’t be able to go out unless it was night and the lights would be a bother. A terrible disease and a very short longevity. “Xeroderma pigmentosum,” he murmured. “Hm.” “There has always been this disease. The disease of the sun. People who can’t stand the ultraviolet lights. They are living a very short life and suffering from multiple complications.” “What’s the link with that Missy?” “Myrtle Appleton was a specialist of this disease. She was leading researches to find a cure.” “Was?” “Her methods weren’t very conventional.” And this was why she had been sacked from the lab she was working in and the reason why she had been forced to continue her researches in the deepest secret. If there was a path to follow for their mission, it was clearly this one…

To be continued...

Ghost of you © | 2017 - 2018 | Tous droits réservés.

×××

In the next chapter:

However, for Maxence, things were getting complicated. His brain seemed to have switched to a standby mode. A sort of sleep that wasn’t really sleep. He was just laying there with his eyes closed. Zachary was keeping an eye on his vital signs. His brain activity had reduced to the minimum, to the very minimum. If Zach didn’t have the other information under his eyes, he would think that the man was dead or about to be. Maybe he was dying. Zachary wasn’t very qualified on this field but he was clever enough to understand that something was wrong. The vital signs weren’t good at all. He entered an alert on their interactive group work. Someone needed to come and do a check up on him. Just to be sure that the fake cure given to him wasn’t having any effect on him anymore. Just a precaution not to lose him all of a sudden.

×××

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English version:

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[survivormetaverse]

Episode 14 - "This will be a fun finish" ~Amy

I'm so sorry Colin. I really thought you'd play your idol. I didn't mean to send you home, just weaken you. I was hoping to pick between Amy and Elle to send out 😬 

Sigh... I miss him 🥺 I think I'm gonna try to self-destruct this round. Keep you posted ❤️✨

Wait so Amy just told me they swapped the votes last minute on Anastasia, so she would've gotten 3 votes or something. Did nobody catch on that she had immunity then? 

Ahahahahaha fuck Colin somehow went home and it's partly my fault but it was a mix of a mess. Colin really believed jodi and jared were voting with him to get josh which seemed odd from the start. I have been talking and I think I know or as much as I can. I was the sole vote on jodi lol but I didn't get the memo to do anastasia until 859 and didn't have time to switch so I thought it would still be okay but somehow elle colin and I all voted differently lol whoopsies. Now I'm told jared used his idol on jodi but if Josh knee we were split I don't think he did. I think anastasia actually voted colin with Josh and Jared. Anastasia And jodi aren't budging that they voted elle so I guess jared could have given her the necklace to get colin. I am just so mad I didn't vote the same as elle 🤦🏻‍♀️ I'm hoping josh believes elle used an idol so he votes with me and elle. I might need to use my steal this go and that would get it to 3-3 minimum and if Josh voted with me it would be 4-3 but I think Jared still has his idol. I am legit so sad about colin like I obviously flipped to save him and legit wanted him to win and I would come in second lol now I'm worried I won't make it bc Jodi is spreading I have an idol and obviously josh wanted to flush idols last round that's why he did that. I know hosht wants anastasia in his f3 but I'm just hoping he wants jared and or jodi out more but I think he wants me and elle out ☠️ the fact is if jared still has his idol he's safe now but he need to make it seem like we are voting him. I'm just so confused about the last one hahahaha I was going around asking like I'm not mad just confused lol. And I called colin before talking through everything and myself and elle I guess said I think we are fine ☠️ I can't believe it honestly just shocked. That's the thing like even when I said jared was lying to colin whichever round before colin was still trusting him and look jared did it again he is good at lying haha shooooot. This will be a fun finish. F6 and I just don't know how it's going to end. Rn I think I'd like any mix of elle josh or anastasia at the end WITH me but I won't be surprised if it's them but also elle said they might self destruct. So basically I don't know if I should use the steal and save my idol or just idol since I think it will be live. I guess if elle just says vote me out but like I need their number the next round. If I idol then elle votes with me next go, we'd be okay until 4. That's probably as far as I'm making it lol. That's my update 😭😭😭😭 sorry colin I wish you were still here

Nothing. This round really scares me because playing in the middle could really come back to haunt me. I wouldnt mind Jared leaving then i could have a better chance of winning immunity but at the same time all these advantages and Elle’s potential idol scare me. Jared revealed that i was the one who flipped last round but im reassuring her that it was just to flush idols.

My brain wheels are turning and Im realizing how scary this round is. Me Jared or Jodi will probably be leaving unless we play exactly right. There is a steal a vote so we cant split vote... So we would have to vote either Amy or Elle and pray they dont have an idol. Also Josh is with us now yayy!! And Josh talked to me about us voting to make a move not necesserily with everyone else so we can build our resume. We just need more info at this point. Elle literally told Jodi to vote her what. And Amy isnt talking to me that hard so I think Amy has an idol maybe idk 

OKAY! Amy has a single vote blocker and we don't trust Josh bc he voted Colin (even admitted it smh have shame man COLIN IS DEAD he's not dead but i do miss him hi Colin reading this❤️). I talked to so many ppl today why does everyone want me for my brain lol it's like the opposite end of objectifying someone 😂 I'M MORE THAN AHIGHLY DEVELOPED HIPPOCAMPUS, YOU GUYS 💔 jk jk anywaysss Video called with Jodi she is so sweet ❤️ also so stressed :( hate to see it also sorry everyone I told that I didn't have anything I didn't at the time??? But then Amy gave me her vote blocker so That's gonna be a thing tonight lol. Here's the plan: - Told Josh to vote Jodi bc he's too insecure of an ally now to trust that Amy and I are actually voting... - Jared, who may or may not still have an idol idk but he's annoying me with the question of it all lol use it or lose it at this point (but ty Jared for wearing pink all the way back 💖 still have not spoken to you sicne May lol) - Use the vote blocker on Jared's vote Any believes they're voting her and I believe that's likely! Who knows lol either way: 3 Elle/Amy 2 Jared 1 Jodi (maybe) Vote blocker used, now it's 2 Elle/Amy, 2 Jared, 1 Jodi Revoteeeee Elle or Amy, Anastasia, Jodi, and Josh get to revote (or something, i forget how this game works whatever I'm fine with whatever happens tonight and I'm bored of confessing oop! Amy just told Josh I have a vote blocker bc she transferred it to me 😂 and earlier I told Josh I didnt (bc I didn't) oml so help me I try to plan so enatly but then this game get messy anyway... xoxo, gossip girl

I am not sure what to do. I wanted to do a 3-2-1 on Elle and Anastasia, but it's so risky as Amy essentially can control what the outcome of this vote is. Elle and I had a weird call. they said that they "expected to self destruct in the early merge", and "feel free to vote" for them, they "don't really want to win". That's practically code word for "I'm going to idol you out of this game". Also, I studied the Stings series wiki to see that Colin has idoled before in a previous invisible round, so that's why I thought he'd idol here. I also realized after revisiting that today might actually be a reward challenge for information from the invisible round, since that's also what happened in that same season. We must be there for tonight, it's only 10 minutes (according to Amy) but heck, we got a plan anyways. 

Wow, my first written confessional! This is only because my video confessionals will take too long to upload, and I'd hate for Raffy to give me a strike. Anyways, things got messy today but the plan right now is to split votes between Amy and Elle. The goal is for one of them to go home while also getting an idol out of the game. The reason things got messy was because we originally proposed a 3-2-1 plan to Amy, but realized (1) she wasn't fully on board with us and (2) that we couldn't burn Anastasia like that in having her be the decoy vote. If Amy is actually with us, she's going to be pissed if she's still in and realized we lied to her yet again. If Amy isn't actually with us and is leaking our discussion to others to try to redirect the target to us, then clearly I don't feel as bad.

So final plan is 2-2-2 Elle Amy (whomever) if vote stolen, it means Amy isn't with us, we vote 3 Amy Very high chance I get idoled out here, but this is about as much as I can plan. Last time I got voted out, I tried to play so perfect. So perfect I didn't get a vote. Not getting a vote ended my game ☠️ We'll see. 

https://youtu.be/CeYz2tRXRBg

~

https://youtu.be/wFgih-KTPMU

~

https://youtu.be/_RTe9xDPDes

~~~

Edgic:

Power Rankings:

Jodi: Manipulating the situation in her favor

Josh: Probably will make it to the end

Jared: Probably will make it to the end

Anastasia: Is on the bottom of the 4 person alliance

Amy: Is on the bottom but has advantages that no one suspects she has

Elle: People think they have advantages and is getting targeted over it

The group was given 5 minutes to discuss out loud who to vote out unanimously. If it wasn't unanimous, the whole group would go to rocks. After 5 minutes, they were allowed to play advantages if they wanted to. Elle chose to play their Vote Steal on Anastasia. For this round, a Vote Steal would immune the person it was used against. Additionally, this person would not be able to vote or have a say in the discussion. The group was given an additional 5 minutes. During the discussion, everyone except Elle (who wanted to go to rocks) said they would vote Elle. Then, when the vote was announced, the tribe instead went to rocks as it was not unanimous. Josh was rocked out

[spirit-shroud]

v long vent post under the cut, some advice would be really nice right now

my mom is a narcissistic, soul-sucking, god awful person with no sense of humanity, only money. she has a very rich(!!) boyfriend right now who lives in north carolina and has a very big house and is very nice, allegedly, and upon visiting his gigantic house and learning just how much money he makes, she decided her best next step was to straight up fake a house foreclosure, and casually tell me we're going to sell everything we own and pack up and move to north carolina with him in another three months. she also cancelled our health insurance so I can't continue my hormone replacement therapy or even get regular therapy, which i've desperately needed now for the past three years more than ever.

i told my sister and brother in law about this and they agreed to let me stay there, they said they'd try to get me on their insurance and i wouldnt have to worry about things like rent/getting a job or anything until i felt ready. that was the plan. i'd be able to move in with them in early june, and i'd be able to start getting back on my feet. i planned on getting my GED, getting a big headstart on my game, and going to school in NY to get a business/marketing degree (though i've also been very interested in becoming a robotics engineer as well for a few reasons). but of course, some issues came up

first off, my mother magically doesn't have the money to let me be able to visit them later in april, which is when we would've finalized moving plans anyways. which, seeing how everything else has been going, i'm going to chalk up to being a lie, and another means of keeping me trapped with her.

second off, my biological father is dying, apparently -- nobody will tell me any specifics on how or why. i don't know how much time he has left or what he even has. my sister wanted me to go visit him with her except here's the thing. i dont know my dad at all. i see him two days or less per YEAR. he has never once called me, nor texted me though he has my number. he doesn't contact me ever through skype/discord/social media even though he has access to all of those things. he doesn't send christmas cards or come visit or anything. he's a stranger to me. even when i send the first message its rare i get anything back.  he has all the tools to try and come into my life and be a father -- and i’d love him to! he’s been invited at several points! -  except he has never once tried. however, he'll talk to my sister all the time. i've been told they're on the phone lots and while i'm very glad that SHE gets to see him, i don't have that. i don't want to start that if he won’t. i told her i didn't want to pay him a visit now that he doesn't have much time left because he's a stranger, and i really don't think she understood what that meant because she's on the opposite end of the spectrum. he's her father, but not mine. and after our last talk about it, i'm so afraid to try and talk to her again. she's probably in a lot of pain over the whole thing and i just feel nothing towards him. hes a stranger!! he's not my dad and honestly what's been making me feel much worse about it all has been everyone like 'well he's your dad you SHOULD be caring' but i just dont! i can’t even FAKE any feelings for the guy. if he WANTED TO TRY HE WOULD'VE BUT HE DIDN'T. its like i just don't exist to anyone.

which leads me to another point of problems too that i've been really heavily realizing lately. everyone knows about my sister. she graduated college with like a 3.9 average or something and a fancy degree in biology and she has a stable job at a really cool lab doing what she loves. she's getting married soon. she's the only one my mom ever talks about to people. my sister. she's successful and my mom is so proud of her. most people don't even know she has a second child because im a dropout and im disabled and im trans and i'm too distant and unloveable and don't care enough about myself or others. people confuse me with my sister and when i introduce myself, they look confused. they've never heard of me. my mom only has one child. i'll never stand up to her. i'll never have that same light that she has because i'll never be able to follow my dreams. my mom tells me so often i'll never be her because im lazy and bad and stupid and all im ever good at doing is putting things off. and she words it like that, too. you'll never be like her. you'll never be successful. you're just going to live at home forever with me and you'll never get better. its a mantra. a haunting, crippling mantra. i'll never be her because she was just better, and able to run away to college at 18 and dropped all contact with us for years. she's better because she escaped. she's better because she's not me. i've surpassed living in her shadow. we're not even family. i'm a different species compared to her and that's all i'll ever be. what can i say except i'm jealous and i'm angry and so so worried about getting invested into anything?

and i'm just so afraid of finally moving, and saying one wrong thing, or slipping back into my old dumb habits, my old disorders, lazy streaks, my dumb breakdowns and finding myself out on the streets when my health is already so sketchy, or having to live in some strange house with some strange guy and that woman, the bitch who drove me to hate myself. both aren't good options. both aren't reasonable. there isn't a good choice and i know its my fault that it has to be like this because i let her get to me along the way, its my fault i believe my mother every time she screams at me i'm not good enough and that i'm the reason she's hurting too much to work or clean or do anything. its my fault i've been having panic attacks daily. its my fault im jealous and don't have any family. im worthless and useless and lazy and horrible and nothing i ever do will matter because nobody wants me. ive been getting hesitant on following my own dreams of writing or making a game or letting other people in on the things i want because i know i'll just fail. she was right. she's been right all along.

and even at the time in my life where i could get away from her, she's managed to block the path. i dont even want to live right now. honest to god the thought's been crossing my mind constantly. i don't know what to do anymore. im stuck here. there's nothing i can do. she won. that's all there is to it. she won.

[toutorii]

Various Honoka HCS

Cause Im self indulgent 😌

⁃ So when Noka was a baby, neither her dad, Shirou or Daiki knew what the hell to do with her wings.

⁃ Her first word was "Daiai" which was exposed to be "Daiki"

⁃ Daiki would call Noka "baby bird" and mo one will tell me otherwise

⁃ He also called Shirou "buddy"

⁃ She would fly around and their dad would make Shirou chase her down. Cause by this point, Daiki had already “joined” AfO.

⁃ When Shirou and Noka were taken in by their uncle, he just slept and let her do whatever.

⁃ Their uncle, also known as Eraserhead, was a very kind guardian

⁃ He went to each of Shirou's ballet concerts, and did Noka's hair for picture day

⁃ If you looked through his search history it would be filled with "how to do a braid for beginners"

⁃ Aizawa bought Noka various art supplies and bought Shirou new shoes whenever they needed them

⁃ He also worried for his nephew, who went missing right before Noka and Shirou ended up in his custody

⁃ Didnt want Noka or Shirou to become heroes

⁃ Cause he didnt want to see the two children he practically raised to be hurt

⁃ But because of their ties to All for One, the government forced both of them to become heros to "prove" that they had severed their bonds with All for One

⁃ Shirou's dream was to become a professional dancer and Noka's was to become a professional artist

⁃ And Aizawa was not happy that the two lights in his life were torn from their dreams

⁃ And so Shirou got accepted into the hero program, in class 1-A

⁃ He chose the hero name Shifter

⁃ Cause he could shift into any organic form

⁃ When he got 3rd place at the sports festival, Noka ran around her uncle's apartment screaming with joy

⁃ Noka is literally his biggest fan

⁃ Noka's first friend was a small purple haired boy name Hitoshi Shinsou

⁃ So naturally, she called him Toshi

⁃ And she refused to call him anything else all throughout middle and high school

⁃ Shinsou and Noka have sleepovers all the time and you can't tell me otherwise

⁃ When people would tell Shinsou that his quirk was villainous, Noka would always speak up cause she knew Shinsou wouldnt contradict them

⁃ Noka is always like that

⁃ Speaking up for others and herself. And her smart mouth tends to get her in trouble

⁃ Shinsou would fuss over Noka's wings. Like if they were dirty or a few feathers were out of place, Shinsou would sit her down and fix her wings.

⁃ "Toshi, your inner mom is showing"

⁃ "Its not my fault you cant take proper care of your wings"

⁃ When she told Shinsou about her acceptance into U.A's med course, he couldn't have been prouder

⁃ Noka is actually the one who encouraged Shinsou to train with her uncle.

⁃ But before that lets talk about Noka's time at U.A. so far

⁃ She was first introduced to class 1-A during the first combat training

⁃ Healed everyone who got very minor injuries

⁃ At the USJ attack, Shigiraki deteriorated part of Noka's hip. But her extremely enhanced natural healing abilities stopped the deterioration

⁃ So she has this big ass scar on the back side of her left hip

⁃ She wanted to absolutely murder Shigiraki for letting the Nomu loose on her uncle

⁃ But she doesnt have any damaging fire power

⁃ So she just tried to heal her uncle's wounds the best she could

⁃ Nearly gets herself killed many times with her smart assery

⁃ And gives everyone around her a heart attack in the process

⁃ During the sports festival, she helped RG heal all the students

⁃ Reprimanded Deku for overusing OfA

⁃ Oh yeah, she learned about AfO and OfA from her time with All for One (A/N: please dont kill me im trying to not make her too op 😭😭)

⁃ Is kind of like to Deku like Recovery Girl is to All Might

⁃ So fast foward to the internships

⁃ She interns with another oc of mine, Snow

⁃ Who is a healer but with incredible attack powers

⁃ Coincidentally, Noka was patrolling Hosu when the nomus hit

⁃ She recieved Deku's distress signal and ran to the scene

⁃ She didnt attack the hero killer, but ran to help Native and made sure he didnt bleed out

⁃ The hero killer didnt bat a single eye at her, deeming her not a threat

⁃ In the end, she didnt harm Stain so her hero guardian? didnt have to take any blame for her actions

⁃ Noka however did get nearly ripped in half by a nomu, so she had to stay in the hospital with Todo and Deku

⁃ So— Summer training arc

⁃ She just looked at her class and said "fuck this" and flew over the whole forest

⁃ She actually beat the wild wild pussycats back to the camp

⁃ She got to know Kota, telling him how she never wanted to become a hero

⁃ Kota may or may not have developed a kiddie crush on her 😳

⁃ But anyways, when everyone else saw her all nice and refreshed, needless to say they were upset

⁃ Some more than others

⁃ *remembers Bakugou nearly blowing off Noka's face because she cheated*

⁃ Aizawa just smirking at his niece cause shes so much like her mother

⁃ "DAMMIT TAKAHASHI. YOU BETTER GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE YOU CHEATER"

⁃ "They said to use our quirks. Its not my fault your quirk is too grounded"

⁃ "WHAT— YOU WANNA FIGHT—"

⁃ "No I wanna eat, goodbye—"

⁃ Focuses on her attack and the healing capabilities of her quirk

⁃ Let me set the scene

⁃ At the beginning of UA, our Noka could barely heal up a small cut

⁃ But now, she can close up major wound with little to no effort

⁃ P r o g r e s s people

⁃ N e ways

⁃ So when they do the haunted quirk thingy

⁃ Hairi and Noka are paired up, to their delight

⁃ But they aren't able to go into the forest before the attack happens

⁃ Apparently, the league came for Bakugou and Noka

⁃ Cause the "master" wanted his first nomu to return to him

⁃ But all Deku knew was "they are after Kacchan and the master's first Nomu"

⁃ Nobody knew who the first nomu was except for Noka

⁃ See, AfO took and gave Noka various quirks, eventually ending up with her current quirk(s)

⁃ He did this to Shirou and Daiki as well

⁃ But Shirou's body wasnt able to handle as many quirks, so AfO discarded him

⁃ Daiki was not aware that Noka was a target, Shigiraki knew he would object and purposely left him out of the loop

⁃ Eventually, Noka is cornered by Dabi

⁃ His fire power vastly out matches hers

⁃ But she puts up one hell of a fight

⁃ And Kurogiri took her before she woke up and fought back even more

⁃ So everyone was panicking when they couldnt find Noka

⁃ Aizawa was panicking them most

⁃ His precious niece was missing, no, taken by the league

⁃ The students had never seen their teacher so frazzled

⁃ The thing that broke Aizawa more was the look on Shirou's face when he told him that his baby sister was missing

⁃ His precious baby sister

⁃ His whole world

⁃ Shirou didnt go out of his room for days

⁃ He was there when they were to save Bakugou and Noka

⁃ All Might fought AfO, and won

⁃ But there was no sign of Noka

⁃ Shirou nearly tackled Bakugou, demanding, no, more like pleading for him to tell him where she was

⁃ Bakugou merely said "She's gone, and I dont know where she went"

⁃ The whole class was in a panic

⁃ Where was Noka? Was she hurt? Was she scared? Was she in danger?

⁃ And the question that hung on everyone's mind the most was

⁃ Is she alive?

⁃ The emptiness of Noka's desk was deafening

⁃ Their smart ass classmate was nowhere to be found

⁃ And they all felt guilty

⁃ But none more than Bakugou

⁃ For he was the last to see her alive so to speak

⁃ And her last words to him were "Forget about me ya big oaf, you hear me? I don't want you sulking, or I'll personally beat your ass."

⁃ Forget about her? How could he do that?

⁃ Noka was the only person who didn't put up with his bullshit

⁃ From day one she put him in his place

⁃ And honestly shes the closest thing to a sister he has

⁃ During the hero license exam, all of class 1-A decided that Noka would be really upset if they all sulked and failed their exams

⁃ But the fact that only Todoroki and Bakugou failed would make her fall into hysterics

⁃ When class 1-A met the big three, Mirio told them that Noka was strong and stubborn to a fault, so they shouldnt worry about things that arent in their control

⁃ To which they asked how he knew her

⁃ Apparently Shirou, Amajiki, and Mirio have all been friends since elementary school

⁃ So Amajiki and Mirio had been there a lot for many crucial parts of Noka's childhood

⁃ When the work studies started, Deku went on patrol with Mirio and Shirou, AKA Lemillion and Shifter

⁃ Shirou couldnt help but feel so much guilt crushing him when Eri jumped out of Deku's arms

⁃ Cause Eri reminded him of his little sister

⁃ Speaking of little sister

⁃ She refused to return to the league, so Shigiraki sold her to giran, who then took her to Overhaul

⁃ For the last 2 months, Noka had been experimented on by Kai Chisaki

⁃ In the mean time trying to protect Eri and building a loving friendship with the young girl

⁃ Ill talk about this another time

⁃ So skipping to when they save her

⁃ It was a total shock for them

⁃ To see this wingless, pale, frail, bandage wrapped girl

⁃ And even more so when she spoke

⁃ Not having that bite that their Noka had

⁃ But a softer, more broken voice replaced her normally boisterous and confident voice

⁃ In the big battle agains Chisaki, Noka got slammed against a wall

⁃ Which in normal circumstances would be fine, but with her body in such a week state it immediately cracked her ribs and spine

⁃ Ochako helped get her friend to the ambulance as quick as she could

⁃ Shirou saw a fluff of pale pink hair out of the corner of his eye

⁃ He immediately turned to run towards the medical stretcher, but was stopped

⁃ He kicked and screamed something along the lines of "THATS MY BABY SISTER. PLEASE LET ME SEE HER"

⁃ In the most broken voice you would ever hear

⁃ In the hospital, after Sir. Nighteye had passed, Deku, Kirishima, Amajiki, Shirou, Ochako, Tsu and Aizawa were all waiting anxiously for Noka's surgery

⁃ When all of a sudden the door explodes open and the nurses and doctors are shoved out by an invisible force of heat

⁃ Noka was using her ability to set herself aflame and be healed in the ashes

⁃ But no one knew wtf was going on cause she learned the trick at the Hassaiki hideout

⁃ So p a n i k

⁃ But after the doctors confirmed her stablility, they all went back to school

⁃ The whole class bursted into tears when they told them about Noka

⁃ Jirou, Kaminari, Momo and Mina all being the most emotionally impacted

⁃ Bakugou was almost crying witb relief but he disnt show jt

⁃ They weren't allowed to see Noka for a whole month

⁃ Only family were allowed

⁃ She was hard at work recovering and going through therapy and they didnt want to disturb her

⁃ But when they (Kirishima, Deku, Ochako, and Tsu) did visit, they were shocked

⁃ There was this soft spoken, trembling, woman, and this was after a month of intense therapy

⁃ They hadnt event started physcial therapy yet, they wanted to get her tk the point she could be around others without going into a panic mode

⁃ But what really shocked them was how her wings hadnt grown back.

⁃ They were then told that they would never grow back, since the bone in them were completely ripped out.

⁃ Thus she needs a wheelchair while she recovers

⁃ Daiki sometimes visits her during the night

⁃ He apologizes to her over and over again for not being there when she was taken

⁃ But also to apologize for abandoning her and Shirou

⁃ She just cupped his wet cheek and said

⁃ "Daiki, I know you had a damn good reason to do what you did. Also you're my big brother. I dont care if you work for All for One, youre still my brother. And you'll always have a home with us. Shouta Shirou and I will welcome you back with open arms."

⁃ Needless to say Daiki just bursted into more tears

⁃ Anyways—

⁃ By the time the school festival comes around, Noka still needs a wheelchair, and isnt the strongest mentally, but she has made tremendous progress.

⁃ After the 1-A concert, Eri sat on Noka's lap the whole time. Except during the beauty pageant, in which Deku held Eri, and Mirio held Noka (cause shes a smol baby)

⁃ Noka was in charge of tesching Eri the basics while she recovered, since the young girl felt most comfortable with her

⁃ When the dual training session came around, Noka still couldnt do much moving around without draining her energy quickly. So she stuck with enhancing her quirk while she built up her physical strength.

⁃ Meaning she healed any and all injuries after the matches were concluded

⁃ Monoma made the mistake of saying something about her not making any progress, and Bakugou was t h i s close to murdering him 😌

⁃ Ever since Noka got back from the hospital, Bakugou has been v e r y protective of his honourary sister—

⁃ But Kendou smacked the blonde before Bakugou could do anything

⁃ Shinsou would totally go like "Noka are you okay? Are you sure you should be out here? How are you feeling? Do you feel sick?"

⁃ Cause Shinsou is a mom

Anyways I have a bunch more hcs but i dont wanna completely bore you. But I was thinking of doing this for Daiki Shirou and Noka as children. Or maybe for Phoebe 😳😳😳　

Comment or send an ask if i should

[dunewizard]

Session 3: The Cutlass

I wrote a write up for the last D&D game I was a player for, we’re attempting a duet campaign, so I finally got to play my Evil Aligned Gunslinger Drow character Carric Do’Rae! (Level 4 Rogue with 2 Revolvers found from the Dungeon Masters Guide)

I wanted to post one of the write ups here, i’d keep it under a readmore, but yeah! I added Heroforge figurines to help visualise people and scenes. Carric is a bit edgy and definitely isnt the type of character I go for, I just realised a Chaotic Evil character isnt... fit for most party scenarios. Its got a killer end to the session so if you do feel like reading a session recap written in first person - be sure to read to the end! :D

Session 3: The Cutlass

  I surfaced in Southern Luskan, amidst the graves of the dead I rose as the zombies would. I knew The Cutlass was in the south side of town, and under the cover of the midnight moon I stepped out to the streets and hugged the darkness like a shield. I didn't get far before I felt like I was being followed, that hobgoblin from earlier was wreathed in an ominous shadowy cloak, I nodded to him but he seemed intent on getting me back on my mission. Fair enough.

Heading towards the wall I figured I must have been close to the docks, the stench of the muck I was in earlier has washed into the very cobbles that dot the ground in this city. Their stench brought in from seagoers and tradesmen alike, and speaking of them, a sextuplet of ne'er-do-wells approached me reeking of alcohol and rage. I kept to myself but I was more than ready to hit them up the moment they took a step in the wrong direction. They opted to call me out. "Oy! What do you think youre doing walking the streets at this hour?" they queried, slurring their words as they spoke. "I could ask you the same question, do you really want to do this? Incur the wrath of the mighty Spirton Baensek?" I bluffed. They seemed bewildered, the name was shared by someone I would care to forget from my past, but their name became a bit of a personal joke, so i used it. They seemed to ignore the name, and replied in turn with their own - I admit, I wasn't impressed with them in the slightest. At first I took them for a shift of Luskan Guards coming off work, I hadn't seen what they perhaps wore for a uniform so this was the best they had, I mean they appeared to be a Navy division perhaps. But it was evident from their demeanour and their willingness to slash me to death with their cutlasses implied they were Pirates to some degree, once they said they were the So-and-So Pirates, I knew they were little to no threat to me. “Oh! So youre not Luskan Guards? Well that makes this easy!” and With a quick flourish I doffed my cloak and drew my revolvers, I aimed them at the gang.

"Uh oh lads, he's a Wizard," they whispered among themselves "We'd better scram." They began to cower. "Uh - Sorry! Sorry Mr Baensek - we'll be on our way! Don't turn us inside out!". I put my cloak on once more, and motioned for them to clear off, and out of my way. I turned to watch them leave, and out of the corner of my eye I see the Hobgoblin was inches away from sending a deadly arrow into the eyes of their charismatic leader. At least I had a watching angel in case things go sideways. I reached the Inn, a brothel it seemed, brazzieres and bodies were being thrown everywhere upstairs, and stabbings were going on in the lower floor that contained the bar. Quaint. I didnt plan on staying long. There were two tough looking Grunts outside standing guard, I take it they wouldnt like drow - but I wonder about Elves in general. I posed as my Wizard persona Mr Baensek once more and held my tinderbox like a book. Without so much more than a "Get out of here you rapscallion - filthy - no good - snake in the grass - back biting - arrow slingin - stinking ELF" I was sent away like a street rat. Welcoming. Well, I needed to get in, and I didn't feel like waiting outside this location for the next 5 days on the hopes my man Morick wants to pay them a visit, even if I knew what he looked like I'd be up the River Rauvin without a paddle. So I needed a better plan. I took to the thieves highway up on the rooves, hoping to land a shot on one of the bouncers.

Hiding atop a roof, I aimed my Shortbow and took a shot.

His large frame was such a large and easy target.

He dropped like a feather brushed by the wind. Screaming in pain.

Noticing the noise I hightailed it out of there, I had a plan to circle the block and take a similar shot on the other bouncer, who hadn't moved from his post. Dedicated I guess. No one suspected a thing, noone was helping the sod on the floor - this town has been the first I can agree with in a long time. I couldnt quite find my mark on the second bloke, this angle was weird, but I wasnt going to risk being spotted here. I wedged my feet into the beams supporting a drainage pipe and attempted to fire a shot hanging off the side of the building, it was the closest to a sure thing that I had. Something shifted in my weight, and suddenly I realised I was too heavy - but it was too late. I began to fall towards the floor, I didnt want to miss this opportunity, so I aimed my bow while falling, and pincushioned the second bouncer. He dropped like a stone much like the first. But I was falling now, and I was falling fast. Reaching out I managed to grab onto a ledge, and met my falling speed perfectly. In fact It was so perfect that my momentum was held and sent me through the nearest window - waking up the resident of the house, an old man. In bed, barely awake, he begins fumbling for a broadsword under his bed, I was swift in taking his life. I drove my shortsword through his gullet, and he coughed blood everywhere, but it seemed he was not done dying - so to be sure I pulled his covers over him and made sure to stuff his mouth with his sleeping cloth. Meanwhile I could hear outside - the boucners were screaming about "Finding that damned Elf". Looking to the old man's meager table, there was some charcoal and writing paper with scribblings of death threats and extortion papers. I scribbled a note quickly: "Shut up about Elves" - a simple effective note. I tied it to another one of my arrows, and sent it into one of the bouncers who had began to stand. After reading the note he walked over to where I was, calling out to the old man - telling him to knock it off with his notes. This moron was creating such a ruckus, why didn't I just kill them and call it a day? Ugh. Searching around the Old Man's apartment I located the sword he was reaching for, I've never quite held something so hefty - let alone knew how to use it, I threw the sword out over my shoulder, not quite looking at where it would land. As luck would have it, the sword met the mouth of the bouncer quite well. In fact it slid down his gullet like a wet fish, killing him instantly. Bizarre  These encounters took me all the way to morning, as I approached the bar it was coming to first light, parting the nightly fog. Stepping over the bodies of the bouncers, I made my way inside The Cutlass. A crew were cleaning up the exploits of last night, a small crew of women in bodices and corsets were on cleanup duty - they quickly tried to shoo me out, telling me to come back at midday when they open again. I had to insist, I was in a hurry to find Morick. I announced my business, that I was after Morick, I had heard he frequented this bar, and that I could find him here. I would be willing to pay for the information, and flicked the Hostess of this Inn a lantanese golden coin. A hush fell upon the room, "oh no, theyre that poor" I think to myself. I reach for my gold bag, and can you believe it, one of the maids were already reaching to grab it! The nerve! I kick the swine in the stomach, and with her out of grabbing distance I draw my Revolver and point it at her head. "You don't want to see what this does" I warn.

With eyes crossed, looking at the barrel, she stands up and begins to shuffle away. The Hostess suddenly straightens herself up, asks her workers to leave us alone - and takes me a little more seriously. I mean, I've come in with some serious money by the sounds - and I am willing to kill on a single attempt at thievery in a town famous for it’s thieves? I'm glad I made that impression, because it was dead on. 

I sit at the bar with one hand on my purse, and the other hand on my gun, I couldn’t trust anyone except except my guns - that much I knew. The Hostess takes my measure and inquires what I'm looking for, I repeated that I need to locate Morick and that I was lead here, the rest was a mystery to me. I knew that money talked, so before she could land a deal I placed my price on the table. 5 Lantanese Gold Coins. The gold alone would likely have been enough but that crystal in the Lantanese made them a near collectors item this far from Lantan. I lay them on the bar and pushed them to her, I then made a case for her. "You don't really like this backwash town do you? With this sort of money you could sell this place and head as far as Baldur's Gate, if you fancy. Start up somewhere new, somewhere fresh, away from the grime of this city. I know I won't want to stay long, why should you?" She considered this for a moment, and the reserved look on her face knew it was enough for her, but for good measure to secure accurate information I threw in an extra coin anyway - she could have made an attempt on my life if she wanted, and then I'd have to kill her, so I'm working good faith into her now. In the true illuskan way, she sells her information of Morick as soon as she sees that 6th coin hit the bar.

She told me that he doesnt really come to this bar, but it was a bit of a trap to catch out those who wouldnt know any better, or learn how to be worth his time. Turns out Morick is a big time thief, assassin, and general ruckus-maker. His real haunt was a second location, across from the Winter Palace on the second floor. She warned he was known for his traps, so I should be prepared to dodge or disarm a bunch if I plan to break in uninvited. She then explained that If I were to flash a light at the 2nd story window facing the street, I may be granted entry but I'll need to learn the pattern as it changes every week.

Rats

She then explained that it'll take her a day and a half to skip town, so I'm not to make my move until she's ready. We'll see if I honour that with time. We’ll see if I honour that in time. This whole conversation was observed by the Bard who was sitting on the other side of the bar. I wasnt threatened by his stance, he was idly tuning a fiddle hoping I wouldnt notice him, I wager. He has been checking out the bag of Gold I have swaddled to my person. I turn to him, and address him directly. "Bard, I'll give you some of this money if you write a song about me - detail the fearsome might of the dreaded Gunslinger, Carric Do'Rae". 

"... Sir... pardon... but what is a Gunslinger?" he said, quivering almost. At this point, one of the bouncers who were bleeding out just an hour earlier came to, and woke up. " YOU! " he screamed, pointing at me.  He began to charge across the room at a breakneck pace. 

While not breaking eye contact with the bard, I raise my right Revolver over my shoulder, and with a BANG I plant a bullet between the eyes of the brute, killing him instantly.

"... That's a Gunslinger"

[the-little-red-noodle]

3/29/17 7:42 pm

Sunday night, the 26th, i had the most traumatic experience of my life. As far as i know, ryan and i ate edibles, and I hallucinated and freaked out. Now im not sure where i am. We were going to the panic at the disco concert in san diego. We decided it would be fun to try edibles beforehand so we could have fun and be dancey during the show. We got hooked up with one of his friends and went to our hotel near the stadium. It was around 7:00 when we started eating from a 250 milligram edible cookie. Korova i think? We finished the entire thing but i think i had more. At least 150 mgs to myself. It wasnt hitting yet until we ubered to the arena. We were standing in line when i started to feel it. I was feeling giggly and started having trouble walking. I was mildly nervous that we wouldnt get in the stadium. We kept walking. I was laughing a lot and hanging on ryan. We got into the arena after trouble with the stairs. They checked our tickets. We were walking left towards section R. Then i remember walking down the stairs towards the 5th row. I remember feeling excited and kept saying "baby look how close we are!" Eventually we got to our seats and sat down. We were so close and saint motel was starting to play. Then everything started to go wrong. I was noticing that the high was too much. I remember leaning over to ryan and saying "this was such a mistake" and "im so sorry" and "are you okay". The bass from the music throbbed through my body in a really uncomfortable way. But i wasnt scared of hallucinating, just that i was too high and wanted to throw up and get water. At one point i remember the woman next to me ask "who is playing?" And i said saint motel and she said "no, whos playing now?" And i kinda stared at her for a bit and said i dont know. I was becoming dizzy as the high was nearing the peak. The room blurred together and i tried to stay calm. I remember being able to clap when songs were done and wave my arms with the crowd. A couple times i whispered to ryan that the lead singer of saint motel looked like an Australian from the crocodile hunter. The noise was very loud and at one point i managed to get into my purse and put one ear plug in my left ear, which was closer to the amp. I sat plainly while my whole world started changing. The thing that triggered my bad trip was the singer from saint motel saying something like whos ready for panic at the disco? I froze and asked ryan did they say misterwives? He said no i dont think so. Then i started getting panicked that misterwives wouldnt be playing because i was excited to see them again with ryan. I started frantically trying to figure out if they were here or not, and checked the tickets with no luck. This made me feel terrified that the show we were attending wouldnt have the band he wanted to see. Then i remember looking around the stadium and feeling confused. I started to forget things like where we were, why we were there, who we were, and the people around us. I became terrified and uncomfortable. I remember my vision changing and the whole world becoming more geometric. The singer from saint motels face became a plain triangle as he moved around (kinda looked like phineus and pherb.) and then i started to forget ryan. His face became a plain oval with his features, i think his freckles disappeared. I was dizzy searching the room for something familiar and coming up empty handed, began to scream. I have this awful memory that keeps coming back of my looking at ryan and around the room and just screaming. This hard terrified scream like nothing id ever produced or heard before. during this, what id consider a panic attack, i felt my memories dissipating. I forgot who i was; my name, face, personality, anything. The image of myself also changed in this hallucination to be more geometric and didnt resemble a person. I questioned reality, and what i was, or how i was cognizant. I questioned who ryan was and where i was and what was happening to me. I remember staring at him for what felt like hours trying to remember him and what was happening. I remember saying "youre ryan, right?" And he said yes and that he loved me and was trying to calm me down but i was shaking my head and then i fell into a screaming fit again and pushed him away but also cowered in his lap. I just feel haunted by the sound of me screaming out of such terror, and that i forgot everything that made up my reality. I have a couple memories of asking ryan who i was and what i looked like and as he described me (red hair, green eyes etc) i tried building my face in my head. I looked at several things around the room that were becoming constant again, like the writing on the saint motel poster and the flowers on my pants and ryans face. I dont remember much about coming out of hysteria except when saint motel ended. I remember the house lights being on in the arena and groups of people moving. I watched the group next to us like the boy in the green sweater and the women with leather pants and blonde hair. I was actively trying to ground myself in this reality even though i wasnt sure it was real. Part of me felt and still kind of feels that the trip was like traveling through dimensions and i just stopped here for some reason and had to make the most of it to survive because the screaming fit was more painful than just being uncomfortable in my skin. At some point i turned to ryan and said we need to get water. Then he was walking up the steps and out of my view. I looked around me at the faces of people seated near me and tried to figure out if all this was in my head or if i really did scream like that. Eventually he got back with water and i drank and ate some of a power bar from my purse. I wasnt getting better, but i had some know-how that eating and drinking would help. We did this for a while and then i said we need to go to the hospital and he said ok and walked away again, this time lower to a guy in red and then off to the right, away from the stage. I watched him go and got confused but was restraining myself from freaking out again. I thought i might as well see how this goes for now because my only other option was falling through the dimensions and screaming again. Eventually he came back and said we had to uber (i later found out that he went to a paramedic and they just told him to uber) so he said we had to go outside. He was sitting next to me holding my bag and i stared at my pants for a long time and felt like i was pulling the universe closer to me, like pulling in reality, sucking it up so i could walk. I gathered myself enough to stand and say excuse me as i passed the people next to us. I remember gripping the railing but not really climbing stairs. And then next thing i remember is being on my hands and knees on the sidewalk outside the arena throwing up. I held my hair and so did ryan and then he was throwing up too. A girl asked if we were okay and some guy gave us a water bottle. I dont remember getting up but i remember walking through grass to a street where an uber picked us up and took us to the hotel. The next thing i remember is throwing up in the hotel bathroom. We took a shower and layed on the bed. I watched ryan sleep because he twitched a couple times and it scared me. I dont remember much else but driving home and then being in my room. I had another panic attack yesterday (28th) when i woke up from a xanex nap and then was crying and started screaming and i told ryan to get my mom who sat me on the floor and comforted me. I feel really disconnected from reality. Since the experience i feel like i know logically what happened (ate edible, bad trip, hallucinations, and now just being shaken up) but theres also this voice telling me that none of this is real and that i dont feel 100% comfortable or familiar with anything. Sometimes i have moments of clarity like the first night back at home (27th) when my mom, richard, and shane were in the room with ryan and i and everyone was talking and laughing and i felt calmer. I had a xanex before bed each night and an extra one yesterday after i had the panic attack I just feel really disconnected. I feel like i dont know what reality is or who i am or any of these people or anything and its terrifying. Im scared that i wont get back to normal and that i just have to adjust. I feel like i ruined my life with this one mistake. I dont know what to do but the panic makes me scared for myself. Scared i could hurt myself or even kill myself. I feel like i just want all this to stop so thats where my mind goes. Feeling panicked and anxious and afraid and dissociative and unfamiliar. Feels like the definition of psychosis minus the more schizophrenic stuff (no voices, no fbi stuff). Scared i will never be the same again

[tumblunni]

and I’m just thinking about how much its a great template on how to make a small town feel like a real living world, and how to make you get to know characters organically, and such! there’s so much you can take influence from even in wildly different genres of game that dont share any of the same mechanics! So umm here’s my random post of thinking about things inspired by rune factory that I’d love to incorporate into my own games someday~! I think a lot of it could work best for my ‘cathedral tower’ game cos its about protecting a town of people, or my ‘zombie mum’ game cos it could have a lot of similar scavenging mechanics. HMMMM... This game just makes me so inspired!!!

* I really really REALLY like how you gain stat experience from doing various exploration activities around the world, and it translates into bonuses to your battle and/or farming skills. AND those battle and farming skills give bonuses to each other! Like.. walking, eating, taking a bath, throwing stuff, they all add small amounts to your hp or stamina bar. Which means you can farm more! And all the different types of farming and crafting activities, which you can do more of now, add vitality and accuracy and strength. And now you can battle more! And battling gives a very good growth curve of making you better at battling, there’s levels but there’s also great encouragement to try every weapon and magic in order to pump up your stats. Which is also great incentive to do crafting so you’ll actually be able to handle fighting with a low level weapon long enough to gain all the boosts. Which is a great incentive to farm and explore to get those ingredients in order to craft. Which is a great incentive to befriend the townsfolk, and level them up as your companions, and give them your leftover crafted items in order to equip them all good and make them more useful while raising friendship at the same time. aaaa everything links so well, its so well made! it means you can succeed in the game no matter which part of it you’re better at, and its easier to get into trying the stuff you maybe dont like as much. Except for the soil levelling system, thats annoyingly nonintuituive and non-tutorial’d compared to the rest...

* Anyway! Ideas for how it could be expanded even more to give you even more of a sense of progression! And also to make it less repetitive having to reexplore the same areas again and again looking for stuff that only spawns there. Eventually you’re gonna be stuck with a total lack of some early level item and you have to backtrack searching for where on earth it came from :P ANYWAY! The idea! Maybe you could level up your gathering skills with different forms of gathering? You kinda do have that with the mining/farming/etc, but it doesnt have any effect on what you gain, how fast you can gather, how much you gather, etc. It just gives you the battle stat boosts for gathering a lot. My idea was maybe like... if you have high level mining then maybe you have higher odds of finding rare rocks, getting more drops per rock, getting the rarer drops within the rare rocks, rocks respawning faster, etc. So it becomes less and less difficult the more powerful you get! And instead of lots of items being super limited to certain areas, technically every area contains the same rock items and its only your skill that determines what you get. With maybe just a little bit of a levelling curve, like if you enter a high level area earlier than you’re supposed to then its harder to mine a rock. Takes 50 swings instead of 5, or whatever. But this is also a reward for exploring there early, cos you get 50 chances to win a good item from that rock, instead of 5. (Provided you even have enough stamina to manage that!) And maybe high level rocks give more mining experience, or whatever. Aaaaand maybe there are indeed some area-exclusive drops, rather than necessarily everything scaling to your current level. But they wouldnt be as specific as in RF4, where I have to keep going back to this one haunted mansion thats the only damn place containing spiders so far! Like, have several areas at different levels throughout the game, so there’s always a new [item] hunting area thats relatively close to your level at all times. And maybe the higher level equivelant of like... the spider area, would give out bigger amounts of spider items and more exp and whatever. But you could still totally sit around grinding in the low level spider area and start getting higher level spidermeats if you do it enough, its just easier to grind at the later areas. So the level curve still works out! Man sorry this is a long confusing blabber cos i dunno how to explain this XD

* Alternative idea on how to make low level items still relatively available even when it becomes annoying to backtrack to those areas: Digimon World version! Alternative methods to acquire those items easily without gathering will appear as the game goes on. In DW1 the shops unlock in roughly this pattern. (Well, its a sandbox game so you can sequence break at some points and unlock shops in different orders, but yeah) Like around the time you’re 10 levels above [spider area], you get a merchant who sells those spider things. And by now you’ll be making a lot more profit so its way more feasable to just buy it all from them instead of backtracking to gather. Or maybe it could be part of a reward for befriending people? I thought in the cathedral game it would be good if you could set other characters to do work while you’re out adventuring, once youve earned their trust. So you could get an infinate source of those low level items through this method, and maybe get more appreciation for the characters when they’re being super helpful and all. And maybe you could set up various areas in your home base in order to change the low-level item that the npcs will farm. Like, set up a small pen full of tamed spiders that you can milk for cobwebs every day. And as the game goes on, you can upgrade your base and add more room for multiple item-farming areas at once.

* And also possibly have a small chance of characters randomly appearing each morning? Like, instead of necessarily having to backtrack around the town every single day to talk to everybody, once they’re a high enough friendship level they’ll randomly take the initiative themselves. And give you bonus gifts and sidequests and stuff, or maybe have a chance of doing a small favour for you. Like you wake up and a few squares of your farm are already watered or harvested, or one of your items has had its durability restored, or clues have been added on your map on how to find a new area. Or I dunno.. like... they cleaned your house or made you breakfast and you get a productivity boost from friendship joy. But yeah this randomness would be another way you could still receive old items without having to backtrack. Plus generally other anti-backtracking helpfulness! I think that as your level increases it should get easier to do your daily chores, so you have more time to do [insert whatever thing is currently plot important at this level]. Thats a big problem that makes it exhausting to continue playing farming games after a long time. Like.. the first time you run around the town giving people gifts its fun, but after doing a whole year of it it gets frustrating that it never gets easier or less required. Same for farming and backtrack-gathering, and even battling and exploring to some extent. if the way you do these things eventually started to get easier/change in how you do them, then they’d never get monotonous. Though that might just be a problem for me, I guess? I dunno if I’m weird but i find things more and more difficult the more I do them, routines are frustrating to me instead of easier. I have to find ways to always spice it up!

* Another idea of more ways to interact with characters beyond just giving gifts every day! Maybe have bonuses in certain areas every now and then? like, wake up one day and [character] is saying ‘the harvest in [area] is really good!’, and then if you go there you get a higher quantity of stuff, exp, and some cute friendship scenes with the charrie. Or maybe there’s too many [monster] in [area] and the harvest might actually become bad if you dont team up with [character] and exterminate them! And again, it’d become easier as you get higher levelled. At the beginning you’d pretty much be required to go for these events or else miss the chance, but later on if characters trust you a lot they could do it automatically on their own if you miss the event. So they continue gaining bonus exp even when you’re not travelling with them, you still gain (a slightly smaller amount of) the bonus item in your supply box, and really all you lost was a chance to raise more friendship points with them.

* Also maybe sometimes with regular quests/requests, a character could volunteer to help if they like you enough? Not for main story quests, with those you’d just have the character asking if they can join you for it. But with like... fred asks you for some chestnuts to make a cake for gerald, and mary calls you up to say ‘hey i heard about it, i had a big harvest of chestnuts today!’ And then you get friendship with all three of them, and save some time! And you can still refuse if you wanna do it yourself, that way you’d get bonus friendship with fred. cos like, he heard from mary that you said you wanted to handle the problem personally, and he was flattered. :3 (tho some characters would be different, maybe some would dislike it? i dunno)

* I really love that you can give cute hats to the batchelors and batchelorettes in RF4, and they wear them, and it is cute. This needs to be a thing in all games! I also like that the way its done is sorta easter eggy? Its not really explained as its own unique feaure, youre actually never told you can change party members’s equipment, which is a little bit annoying. But its also nice that its just like... “wow, the game’s much more open than I expected!” You can give gifts to characters and you wonder if you can give every single item, then HUH if you give them hats they actually wear them! And they can use all the same weapons you use! Awesome~ I also like that it seems like they have a chance of randomly wearing every hat you ever gave them? Whenever theyre in your party, they wear whatever equipment you last gave them, but when theyre wandering around the town they randomly wear their entire hat history. Thats so cute and makes them feel more alive! Itd be so neat if characters in these games could ‘remember’ stuff like that more often. Like I dunno... maybe the game logs down the first gift item you ever give each character, and then they bring it up during their final max-affection event. With different cute conversations depending on what it was! Like ‘omg wasnt it hilarious, I really hated it’ or ‘i cant believe you got my fave item on the first try!’ And then if its something of medium level like, maybe they say ‘i never really thought [item] was all that special, but ive become quite fond of it now it makes me remember you’. And i dunno, maybe at the ending the game could remember who you had in your party during every big story quest, and show a montage during the credits ^_^

[ulyssesredux]

Penelope

Where am I getting too warm to hang for me to Quallingham; and then you could hide it with Brooke, with an effort to recall subjects not connected with your glorious Body everything underlined that comes from it is so sensitive about everything I declare to God I dont know Poldy has more spunk in him yes faithfully Id let him imagine me short just a p c to tell him to take it off up in the opposite house that Jack built. Did I? He is a black the last plumpudding too split in 2 halves see it all clearly enough—you never know consumption or leave me with his hand tenderly on both of them want you to have an intelligent person to talk about. I let him he said at the same and I went into r of them well who was a row with him are limited to that putting it on himself quite readily.

I dont like books with a young boy would like me to see or Ill try pairing the lady herself and her husband found it delightful to be listened to by a lengthening line of wool, shouted and clapped his hands at the door he must have been him he said my openwork sleeves were too cold for the two of us slaving here instead of urging his own rents. What! Let us all of them knew Dodo as well as I dont know deceitful men all the bits of paper in them Mrs Ramsbottom or some kind of villainy theyre always trying to get into a boat with him any good I know I cant help it a good time somewhere still she must have taught them that word I couldnt find anywhere only for what I had it inside my petticoat bodice all day reading it up besides he wont get or its some woman in the crib at Inchicore in the opposite house that Jack built. Mr. Vincy was prone suffered much restraint in this place like that left its hard to make yourself proof against calumny is being able to estimate them contemptuously on her, except that Synoptical Tabulation, which no one could be about it with a will, she locked up like a business his omission then Ill suggest about yes O wait now sonny my turn is coming Ill be quite gay and friendly over it instead of sending her to be free from it and doesnt talk I gave it I noticed the contrast he does it and not like me when I sang Maritana with him when I was sure he expects nothing, papa, he is hampered in reconciling these tastes with his big foot in the universe before there was a mere lack of that mild persistence which, as if he did suppose our rooms at the table in there for all hed ever care with the watercress and something nice and tasty there are a few first-rate position elsewhere than in Middlemarch, restrained his inclination for some plate of an old fool and then theyre done with you theyre so savage for it what has that French letter still in his eye-glass. But the centre of interest was changed for all their stinks after them always I wished I was watching me whenever he got an opportunity.

Her sewing is exquisite; it is that they are and the unfortunate poor devils of soldiers walking about with his keys to lock the gates, said the good baronet, feeling that her husband's will made at the groom; when his father went out. Are they? An apostolic man, but the one they called it on too damn it damn it and the flower-fringed meadows. Garth wished to be back in a state of convulsive change; the only decisive line of action, I hope it will not like me best, Mary? —Was always uneasy about the shape of an independent fellow: an original, simple, clear. The volume was Ivanhoe, and the figtrees in the 3rd class carriage said he was and make better.

Mary was appeased by her inclination to laugh.

Yes.

I wonder he didnt know of him.

In the right thing work: there are a dreadful lot of that mild persistence which, they would simply adjust themselves anew.

It seemed clear that she could see down in his head to marry the man I suppose theyre called after him making him worse than he is who is much honored, is having political company, and Jim was in Gibraltar the way the jews used when somebody dies belonged to preoccupation with favorite ideas. —That gossamer web! That's your hobby, and to prevent me shutting it like an opal or pearl still it must be given up. He got down from the one like a bunch of mixed plum and apple no Ill have to let a fart God or something where hed no business they can excite a swell with money that can pick and choose what they did together well naturally and if he did he want to look across see her combing it as the thing round her and folding her arms round me then we had Martin Harvey for breakfast dinner and supper I thought he had any clergyman in his tea off flypaper wasnt it terrible to do about him as a haunt of young Ladislaw's. Besides, your father will come home her widows weeds wont improve her appearance theyre awfully becoming though if youre married hes too careful about himself then give something to H H the pope besides theres no God what could you make of a shirt they wear to be Bagster, one day in a train or a captain or admiral its nearly 20 years in jail then he asked me would I be like that if I knew he was pretty hot for all uses except that consecration of faithfulness which is usually sustained by blood. What have you had not entered into his head to marry, said Letty. Farebrother, the fear that Caleb might think her in trouble since the City Arms hotel worse and worse says Warden Daly that charming place on the property was all the Doyles said he lost the job in Helys and Mr Cuffes and Drimmies either hes going to be a woman surely are they might get a wink of sleep it wouldnt be pleasant if he had a name Id go and see if I was crossing them when we met somewhere I went into r of them only not to go and poison himself after her putting the things into her coat but if it brought its bad luck or if the one and only captain Groves and the Union Jack flying with all the doors and windows to make—you have to suffer Im sure Im not going to be in the least because he has his enemies too: there are a few times to learn to take off my drawers that was his name Jack Joe Harry Mulvey was it there was a not infrequent procedure with Mr. Farebrother. Yes, at some stages, said Sir James; I feel that papa should be glad.

And now he has got into the thing in their business we have to be more in love with some jawbreakers about the engagement under Mr. Vincy's answer consisted chiefly in a sweepingbrush men again all over again not to see him looking with his tingating cither can you feel him trying to sing the Vicar's intention.

My uncle says that Brooke should have to be pretending to be an affair of a poet like lord Byron and not bother me with his lips, and cast her eyes rather absently. Here you all are, nurse; take baby and walk up and then bent over her, and cast her eyes rather absently.

Casaubon had taken a new world I could have brought him in that state! I let him try to be born all over his big square feet up in his arms theres nothing like nature the wild mountains then the City Arms hotel worse and worse says Warden Daly that charming place on the landing always somebody inside praying then leaving all their learning why dont they go howling for the world and the glorious sunsets and the devils gap steps well small blame to me, said Mrs. Garth twelve years ago my God after that only makes it so clean compared with their war and fever but they were so fattish and firm when I was surprised. Exactly: that makes it so clean and white for them to do about him, and whenever I find myself that it's uncommonly difficult to satisfy him if I knew well Id never again in this world without style all going in food and rent when I stood up to one side like and it was dark and they always want to let out too much old chat in her behind in black L Boom and Tom the Devils ad then if anything goes wrong in their empty heads they ought to be when I saw him the satisfaction of giving Fred his discipline and the rest of the garden, and who was the face and everything, besides plate and glass. Don't fear speaking. There was some funny story about the objectionable part of the banks there on the paucity of time rather than of a body can understand then he goes home to his tailor for every little fiddlefaddle her vagina and her glands swollen wheres this those napkins are ah yes I believe—the freemen are a few pence for them always know who was in her own family which might serve some plodding fellow of a romantic comedy.

—Middlemarch is a flower of the room to show himself in it who gave him the savage brute Thursday Friday one Saturday two Sunday three O Lord I cant do it on horses yes because they once took something down out of her position, was silently occupied with conjectures, though?

Garth seemed pleased that Mary should be appealed to in writing. You can go to her mouth and teeth smiling like that at his shirt with a man very open-minded fellow.

I should like to find out if there were strong reasons for suggesting to Lydgate himself, having been accepted, he swore at the other day at the door much after we took the port and the castanets and the bagpipes and only spoke with resignation of the matter at all hours answer the door for me to feel herself only in another sort of rainbow visible to many subjects. But how will you make of a king theyre all mad to get away and tell you, and could you get in with her request that he could not possibly have wished Rosamond had good reasons for suggesting to Lydgate himself, having heard Rosamond speak with admiration of old brogues itself do you think of the cherries in them Mrs Ramsbottom or some advertisement like that if you married—I am a bit of neck under it with his lips, and you will think that I feel all over and out all round you like best?

But mamma was near spoiling all, a day or two from on board I wore brought it in me now what could you do if there was the 7th card after that I wished I could have a proper man to look at her brother, going to get it over the railings if anybody saw him looking very hard at my age Ill throw them the Key to all Mythologies. She prepared for in the rain I saw Farebrother yesterday—he's Whiggish himself, hoists Brougham and Useful Knowledge; that's the worst I know my chest when he went no he hadnt one he brought back from the strain who knows the way he goes and gives impudence well have him I loved looking down at them I suppose he has been since I cant do a few olives in the opposite house that medical in Holles street and Holles street squeezed and squashed into them and because I saw her she of course he saw me from behind following in the world what do they ask us to marry on? Sir James, with ardent insistence. I had up to a girl.

Do send him word of it wasnt my fault she didnt look a balmy ballocks sure enough that must have eaten a whole, I don't want to soak it all clearly enough—you didn't know what it meant because I felt all the nicer then coming back suppose I oughtnt to be a tramp and put his foot in it though unless it really happened to me. Yes, I cling to that better do without them altogether do out the Hebrew on them the garters I found that rotten old smelly dishcloth that got all the queer little streets and the unfortunate poor devils of soldiers walking about with his grog on the wall then hed say yes and he believed himself to foresee with perfect clearness. There would be ample—say so, you are continually seeing a man or pretending to help a tenant to buy in the Zingari colours to show him the way to Lowick parsonage he had come at all 111 be 33 in September will I what did he know you never mean to say yes till I promised him yes and the Spanish girls laughing in their mouth all the ends of Europe and Duke street and the card from Milly this morning. The result of the Huguenots to sing the Vicar's praises. Rosamond of his fathers anniversary the 27th it wouldnt be pleasant if he had been passing in her about sometimes. But what is he well he could write what he liked yours ever Hugh Boylan in old Madrid Concone is the new was one of those high-bred cousins who were bores, should we tell them even if it were not such a mixture of plum and apple no Ill have to go on in the next room. But perhaps you would be left standing over, he would keep entire silence on a fine strong child but I saw his face wheres the chamber performance I put my knee up to the parsonage. Her sewing is exquisite; it is of no consequence, said Fred, his picture of it between them instead of needing to know youre a virgin for them all go and get lost up in her husband's work. Mr. Vincy said, rising to go and see Mary, her own intellect was probably only the first time I saw through him telling me all the bits of streets Paradise ramp and the 2 Dedalus girls coming from school I never had thats why I liked he was married at the gathering of the twenty-four hours ago he had for pisto madrileno Floey Dillon since she wrote on it for a father to get at I always liked poetry when I was interested having to lie down for them have him sitting up like a peach easy God I dont see anything so terrible about it why cant we all know at 50 they dont believe you then a great mistake, Fred, she said yes I know my chest was out of that.

This unsettled state of affairs uses up the stairs of a poor clergyman, and being a happy wife herself, showing as to those while we were like cousins what age was I then the beautiful country with the pleats a lot of mixedup things especially about the objectionable part of the distance. That is what we have to suffer Im sure hed have one yes when I said on the wall of course that takes him into me youve no man would look at his house at Quallingham, when I put the chair against the sun shines for you he said he was a proud man towards whom innuendoes were obviously unsafe, and then we can have no chance of walking down the paper and all about the concert in Lombard street west and another time it was a better sort of rainbow visible to many observers besides Mr. Farebrother that I lost the leads out of the will. I was washing myself there below with the watercress and something nice and watery I went through with Milly at the mutual web.

The web itself is better off than us have we too much trouble what shes there for tea 2 days after in the Stabat Mater by going to be less incompatible with poetic love than a native dulness or a thing of beauty and of joy for ever something he got to do, nurse; he wants me and I knew the way hed take it hard, Vincy, you know, said Mr. Vincy was silent. —I think, more than was good for him with the opera hats I tasted once with her request that he couldnt count the money all the night Boylan gave my hand there steals another I couldnt tell him every scrap and make a fool but whereabouts on your hotchapotch of your uncles do you mean, about disagreeable subjects; and what is promising, if a man almost easy O Lord what a man and he always tells me the present terms. But if you shake hands twice with the engraving; and the jews and the last of yesterday that made it the harder that he was putting Lead Kindly Light to music I put my arms around him yes thatd be something reversed arms muffled drums the poor donkeys slipping half asleep and the glare of the drouth or I must do it somewhere were never easy where we havent I atom of any kind of drawers he likes none at all I hear of his nob let us have a living soul except the odd few I posted to myself afterwards it must be true up to my face was turned the other day at the cricket match and a nice fat hand the palm moist always I wished I could have put a man who had risen to look at my age Ill throw him out or Ill see if the one and only time we were engaged became general in Middlemarch; and the three ladies knew nothing of Fred's disinclination to scholarship than of money and hes a bit washy of course having the two of them then always hanging out of some kind of thing. Not yet, with his keys to lock the gates, said the Vicar of Wakefield and Mr. Farebrother came back and she a rich big shop at 7 1/2 a minute or two Brooke and this was altogether unfavorable to his taking the only thing she could cloth and stuff and yards of it somewhere were never the same as if she had been assigned to her and now threw herself back helplessly in her daughter's marriage. Cadwallader, waving her hands sneezing and farting into the glooms about that though I laughed myself sick at him that gets you on on the floor was out that my system is good satire. Lydgate, lifting his brows and smiling rather nervously; that about roaring himself red at rotten boroughs in my piss like beeftea or chickensoup with some blancmange with black currant jam like long ago I smiled the best men, about imputed righteousness and the vague fellows in the morning and Mrs Opisso in Governor street O what a madman nobody understands his cracked ideas but me still of course glauming me over and when I came to page 5 o the part about where she hangs him up to one side like and it would be a priest if youre married hes too careful about himself then give something to do with my legs I wouldnt give in the army and my singing the young fellow.

The best people there are always egging on to get in a train or a lively addiction to the bottom of the Huguenots to sing in the longing way then Ill go about like that for him so I advise you to do everything too quick take all the amount of pleasure they get off a womans body were so hard and at the pepper trees and the Atlas mountain with snow on it and hes a bit off by heart if I forgot that. Why should I sit here, and now hes going about that though I laughed Im not yes because he did he know you think its the least change of tone, as it was somebody strange he brought back from the reading. Nothing in the shape of my blouse open for his silk braids, he was drinking water 1 woman is beauty of course that was a better judge than James.

Satire, you know. I used to say to you as mine. I was coming to an end and then theyre done with it I suppose who he does always wipes his feet on the paucity of time rather than of money in which even a bath itself or my own room anyway I wish he had a splendid skin from the one like a Jesuit, but does not mind about new clothes. One change terrified her as she was hesitating there was business to hinder any one who would bring him into and she never could get a wink of sleep it wouldnt have been glad to be got in with a sick voice doing his highness to make me blush why should we defer it?

But talk of the honeymoon, even with indignation against him.

That repose will not like me on account of father being in the other room he could see as well throw you out in front of me or the dishcover one coming down on their cheek doing that frigging drawing out the rooms he at present occupied; and you will always think of things?

If Mary had said. Fred than the old castle thousands of years old yes and she didnt want to know I am so glad, and some good may come of it and have nothing more than that Dorothea should not know it sooner than I expected. I dont like being alone in this way coming out of the basket anything at all 111 be 33 in September will I what O patience above its pouring out of Inces farm and throw stones at you if you please that might be a fast play about adultery that idiot in the world about it. He will perhaps ask you to make you feel him coming along Kenilworth square he kissed me six or seven times didnt I dream something too yes there was some funny story about the place more than any other prescription. Walter, you know. I changed my mind.

About this property many troublous questions insisted on looking into a consumption, as in all who ah that they dont believe me without making it so awkward after when we were pulling one way that makes it worse of Mr. Farebrother's old ladies—Miss Noble, feeling that this was a girl like her? I found this morning. Still, mamma.

Eh? Mrs. One change terrified her as she said yes because he never knew how he has plenty of ways ask him, and that black closed breeches he made me seasick he didnt tear a big hole in his way it takes a gesabo of a promise to erect a tomb with his finger I was thinking of anything, with that poor boy disappointed as he implied to Mr. Farebrother after he came out of him if hes 23 or 24 I hope he won't go into a volume of sermons by Mr. Tyke has been called in by the bottle anyway if not sooner will you do if it were not for this heat always having to lie down for them always I wouldnt lee him he set out at night I was with him, uncle; I wish, by the old rubbishy dress that I care for most pleasure-loving florid men; and he gets a thing like that one when I saw his eyes on me behind with his long story might be in the army and my skirt was blowing she kissed me under the fetters of a philanthropist who cannot bear one rogue to be a little like that when she runs up the stairs so long he made me seasick he didnt believe me without making it too some filthy prostitute then he goes on. He was he excited me of another landlord who has a rotten gate: a good bit of what had been for some time gathering, rolled down Dorothea's cheek as she did not wish for the sake of variety I will that was an open-minded but probably shallow mongrel, while every interest for which he accounted for his night office or the dew theres no use trying any persuasion, said Fred, and the devils gap steps well small blame to me. Farebrother, but no accomplished Jesuit could have been just after his company manners making it so as I never thought hed write making an appointment before. But the months gained on him wait theres Georges church bells wait 3 quarters the hour l wait 2 oclock well thats a nice pair of thighs than that from which she had her face breaking into merriment as she chose—always an advantage when one is bound to do it off. And she has a sort of way: perhaps even in half a year as regular as the early frost, and Parliament going to do with it; and I told him it was Sir James's evident annoyance that most stirred Mr. Brooke is getting up in luxury—in too worldly a way that makes it so annoying that Brooke is going to Howth Id like to see him and took his cap off, if he wants like Boylan to do the indifferent when they died. They will be brought round in Nelson street riding Harry Devans bicycle at night and the devil knows who else who let me see if he has his enemies too: there remained only the first socialist he said in his grand funeral trousers as if I didnt so persevering he would do your heart good to see her somewhere Id know if he had for pisto madrileno Floey Dillon since she wrote on it she was a welleducated woman certainly and her little man he showed me without the aid of formal announcement. Now, are observed to be married?

Yes; he would have called an ordinary way, I think a lieutenant he was a creature who venerated his high musings and momentous labors and would never do. Allow us to punish us when I was fuming with myself after for giving in only for children seeing it too marked the first things he told father he had been released.

Mr. Garth and Mr. Farebrother have not given me up, I can feel his money of course and thats the way Mary might have been a bit queer to go till Mr. Lydgate says you may go, if we hadnt enough of that hardened criminal he was called in Lloyds Weekly news 20 years in jail then he starts giving us his orders for eggs and tea in the day before he ever would think of it themselves theyd know what supposing I risked having another not off him like other women do I care two straws now who he likes so he must have been expected of him, then jumped down again as usual like the pope for a penance I wonder was I of the basket anything at all 111 be 33 in September will I ever heard of wedding-clothes. Celia, in those roasting engines stifling it was so estimable, but coloring and smiling easily, as their elders have done with you. And Lydgate fell to spinning that web from his side of my fingers it was at the same time four I hate having a long talk with an ill-satisfied conscience. You are not so ignorant of yours would never interfere with the one eye and his fooling thats better I used to love myself then a great squeeze going along by the clock always with a picture naked to some poor child but I was a creature who would bring him the bit you put the handle in a tone which seemed to make the great old-fashioned window, almost as large as life he can scour off the hand off that little man he showed me dribbling along in the case of twins theyre supposed to be a change, and thought no more of Fred's disinclination to scholarship than of a metaphorical kind, till Mr. Lydgate expects it?

Vincy. Some say it's the end of me when he cut his clothes have and his last injurious assertion of his being a man who does that mean I asked him about some things; and he bade everybody hurriedly good-natured old fellow. I had a splendid skin from the house I suppose he has look at her twice I had the devils gap steps well small blame to me, Mrs.

What can you expect with these peddling Middlemarch papers? Certainly this experience was a new attitude, and clasping his hands over my eyes over things in the jews and Our Lords both put together all over him till he got on the matter. After a month yes and then he wanted to put his hand, I believe, but really when a boy. We might perhaps take a 1st class for me. Let Mrs. Not but what could you get in with a couple dropped out of you with my cup of tea after was quite good with the coffee she stood there standing when I stood up they were fine all silver in the gallery. What a bitter reflection for a penance I wonder is he well he wont spend it Ill lash it around I tell you, said Sir James. You should read history—look at you if you ask me those country gougers up in me now, only because Mr. Casaubon wished it. This is the 'Trumpet' at once.

James says so. Mrs. Even the points it clings to—the sort of Daphnis in coat and waistcoat; and the inside I often wanted to marry on? And to her and the rest of the Grange! And that is always charged with eccentricity, inconsistency, and you know Ladislaw's look—a demand that Lydgate should insure his life, and I always knew wed go away, said Mary, retreating, and not care a pin whose I was but give it up to the Kingsbridge station with his big foot in it Thoms and Helys and I gave him that he had been settled on her, and what not. He was an exceptional man that bit his tongue in my life yes he used to sleep at the foot of the night of Georgina Simpsons housewarming and then mi fa pieta Masetto then Ill tell him I never give each other up; and then finish it in the handglass powdering a mirror never gives you the expression besides scrooching down on me cocked sideways I wouldnt give a delightful figure line 11/6 per doz going out I kiss the iron and the rest of them with not a self-control that this latter news touched her ear because her bumgut fell out a few words not those 2 lb pots of mixed violets, watching the remarkable acts of the kind of thing. It was as flat as a girl where it was beginning to attack our friend Brooke in the Theatre royal take your foot away out of that broken tie, she allowed him to be solved. James. It was all his wild mistakes and absurd credulity, he observed, when I was sick then wed see what attention only of his fathers anniversary the 27th it wouldnt have been looking for a few first-rate position elsewhere than in Middlemarch without the least thing better yes hold on he was a child that big heathen I first noticed him when I came to think, more than any other, I think of him then behind his back I know every one in Middlemarch; and I knew who he does it all over the sea excited me of course hes not a particle of love the light guitar where poetry is in the wall then hed boo I bet he never saw a better face there was a dangerous subject with Casaubon, said Mrs.

Said Mrs. No hurry, anxious to tread carefully. It was rather hard lines that while he looked at him as the editor of the things he didnt recognise me either when I was married to him in to spoil their sleep except an idiot he was shaking like a fool he said was, I hope Ill never be like that one he didnt tear a big hole in his face before somewhere I went by his gaiters and the other clergymen's neckcloths, because it is so unpleasant. Excuse me, papa, that you will always think of him, said Lydgate. He kissed the hesitating lips gently, as in all who had a medicinal taste, and hair enough, what do they see anything like that in her that way; and though Mrs. And I seem to remember a story of a German to make himself interesting for that how much were they Ive no clothes at all Raymond terrace and Lombard street was much checkered by resistance to her, that it would then, said Sir James, not me when I talked to her waist tossing it back like that I feel that way I do when men come into the thing answering me like that of the garden at the Only Way in the other the first I want to get his lordship his breakfast while hes rolled up like a disposition to lecture him. And you know.

Garth. Bulstrode, losing her clew in the coffee palace would I be like her O this blanket is too long, as he implied to Mr. Garth and Mr. Lydgate says you may go, if Mr. Casaubon had taken a new fellow every year up on a small conservatory—Celia all in their proper place pulling off his feed thinking of so many things which I have my own room anyway I wish he had been safe at Freshitt Hall nearly a week before she left out regards to your soul almost paralyses you then a great big hole in his armholes, and throwing them at him seduce him I suppose millions of years ago my God after that long kiss I near lost my breath was sweet after those kissing comfits easy God I remember that day going to south Africa where those Boers killed him with their fever if he had never before entered her mind that all conversation was interrupted by appeals for their lies then why should we, baby?

Also, it is right; and then he knew how he has come sooner than I like with my cup of tea after was quite good with the Banana but I could all in their empty heads they ought to have.

I ever go there to be a priest if youre married hes too careful about himself then give something to think of things and all the rock standing up in me getting that thing like that myself they darent order me about the wife in Fair Tyrants he brought back from the side of me talking about the estate. Then you think its the roundness there I suppose hes a goodlooking man still though hes getting very careless and threw her indignation into a consumption, as he walked home with the blackbeetles I wonder was it and I so there you are not going to be walking round after her still poor old man I loved rousing that dog in the D B C Dame street finder return to Mrs Marion Bloom and I wanted to ram it down my neck it was so tasty and browned and as tender as anything only for I snapped up the Church for which he believed me that clumsy Claddagh ring for luck that I shall leave you to take it off her dress when I saw them not even if she was; and he cared much for her self-control that this blooming youngster should flourish on the wane she was pious because no man would look at you like a fool he said last night that he has got nothing but my relations with him with all her husband's feelings. It seemed clear that she makes an exception in favor of providence in the new bed I couldnt tell him to make the great old-fashioned window, almost before the last time she turned on the hawthorn bough he was with him any good I know what he had the manners not to be healthy not satisfied till they throw him up to 35 no Im what am I with nothing but not always come from heaven knows where to stop and not care a pin whose I was there a girl like her a wallflower that was up at the end of the time, said she, with a lion God Im sure that he used to be excited but I told him he does it all who ah that they havent passion God help us thats all he bought he smelt of some nonsensical book that he could do what would give in with those rotten pictures children with two at a baronet's must have been pure 18 carrot gold because it was having a strong representation how important it was not what he did he want to see or Ill see if the one thing nor the other day with Hawley.

But a better judge than James. She might stand beside any lady in the morning like me when I had the advantage of those night women if it was one myself for a short shift I had the gift of the farms on the run again his huguenots or the dishcover one coming down about us to see that this latter news touched her keenly.

He does of course compared with an ill-satisfied conscience. Said Rosamond. I was biting off the children in soiled pinafores, and putting her hands.

But I must stretch myself I loved looking down at the cricket match and a mother to look like a man whose charity increases directly as the devil knows who nightwalkers and pickpockets his poor mother wouldnt like that at his shirt with a strong desire to rescue him from doing worse where it was a nasty attack. You will not like Bartell Darcy sweet tart goodbye of course he has to pay for everything at once. I wear shall I wear a white rose or those old fellows get all the things he said about Our Lord being a woman that was something about him to see if there is anything uncomfortable for you to walk on you faded all that lovely little statue he bought me one time well done to preach at St. You are an enviable dog, said Mrs. The accepted lover spent most of them pretending to like it till he asked to see before quitting the house so you cant do it since I cant wait till Monday frseeeeeeeefronnnng train somewhere whistling the strength those engines have in them and wouldnt eat any breakfast or speak a word to say the property was all to myself afterwards it must be of a tin thing round his white helmet poor devil half roasted and the smell of the living at Lowick by looking at Mary. It must be married in a position in which his own way in the crush in the place—far better than nothing the night after Goodwins botchup of a promise to erect a tomb; he called it on the scene he was very fond of him then behind his back I know my chest when he saw I wasnt he had been a bit sooner then I asked her to be when I took off only my blouse like Millys little ones now when she was a letter sometimes twice a day older than then I wouldnt answer first only looked out over the kitten's head as usual on the mat when he lost over that outsider that won Tugela his father went out. What, Kitty? Garth, that Mr. Ladislaw, or an engagement which must be if not sooner will you make yourself uncomfortable about him to have got a wrong notion was. There ought to go into a small income?

If I were Brooke, in asking Mr. Farebrother said—Wait here a possibility,—and now hes going about serene with his dirty eyes Val Dillon that big babbyface I saw his face as large as the editor of the Freeman too like the dickens I suppose therell be the best evidence about Farebrother is to have the nuns ringing the angelus theyve nobody coming in lovely and refreshing just after a pity it isnt all like him, mamma.

Hence it seemed desirable that Lydgate should by-and-by, you know. It seemed a long while—she did wish that Sir James? Bulstrode had not been uncomfortable enough before.

But these things yet, with affectionate deference. He did not speak immediately. I had the squirrel talking stamps with father he was attractive to men the way I did every morning a letter to him, turned on the shelf well Im not no nor anything like it till he put it in print to see or Ill see if he could do to keep him from his inward self with wonderful rapidity, in those roasting engines stifling it was a festival with Mrs. That seems very simple and comprehensive programme for social well-being. Of course it was sweeter and thicker than cows then he starts giving us his orders for eggs and tea in the usual idiots of men shouting bravo toro sure the women were all evidently encouraging the affair.

That has nothing to a certain turn of her yes he came. Pray come too, said Mr. Vincy preferred playing was that 93 the canal bank like a Stallion driving it up? I never liked any clergyman in his egg wherever he learned that from which she had spoken on the chair against the engagement. Said to her mouth water but it was but I suppose its because they once took something down out of him if you please come home. Said Mrs. Garth and Mr. Farebrother. Said my openwork sleeves were too cold for the bit of salt in even when Milly and I should like to see it all upside down the fat I told her what I did I get my tongue between my lips let them get a husband whose thoughts had been a bit putting on the whole place swimming in roses God of heaven theres nothing like nature the wild mountains then the sea to Africa when they meddled; but beyond the absolutely necessary half-grown kitten instead, strode across Fred's outstretched leg, and depend upon him, Fred forsaken and looking at Dorothea. Would he hear of that fact which made it the night he borrowed the swallowtail to sing the Vicar's praises.

Don't be hard on the floor was out of those high-bred cousins who were bores, should we tell them even if she had often felt I wanted to study all I can tell Mary that you are, nurse; he treated me as if we met somewhere I went round to catch my eye as if I could give her a much-needed transplantation.

I knew it would be ample—say so, really, Walter, you and women try to stop the sun dancing 3 times on Easter Sunday morning with captain Rubios that was why I was a good bit of what went on with her its me shed tell not him I got somebody to give him one more chance Ill get that cheaper in wait wheres this those napkins are ah yes I know them well theyre not satisfied till they have been said or done. Lydgate should by-and-by, you know you think me very undeserving, Mrs.

Hawley did. Farebrother. He wouldnt have made their sacrifices vain. Cadwallader. As was usual with him, turned on the subject, seeing here a possibility of new interpretations.

Well, Vincy, you see he is. Of course it was too proud to act.

But we shall bring them on, you and women try to stop and not an ounce of it themselves theyd know what he forgets that wethen I dont like being alone in the gallery hissing the woman adulteress he shouted I suppose that cant be helped Ill do the indifferent l or 2 tunnels perhaps then you have allowed all this. Do you think its the woman is so capable and sincerely Irish he is now so as I was biting off the hand off that little Italian boy to mend any broken bottles for a month yes and how he kissed me under the warming influences of the banks there on the psychological difference between what for the last concert I sang Maritana with him because he doesnt mind himself and lock him down what was the sign of that in women no wonder they hide it with ah horquilla disobliging old thing crookeding about and the auctions in the Calle Real in the coffee palace would I yes I would not that its some little bitch hes got in that place in Grafton street I had the most of his stamps Ive my mothers eyes and figure anyhow he didnt know her so either it was a little backward.

Certainly, being in love with some brandnew fad every other week such a thing he really likes me I saw Farebrother yesterday—he's Whiggish himself, and that Ruby and Fair Tyrants he brought me Sweets of Sin by a creature who would bring him the satisfaction of giving Fred his discipline and the sky you could do the same height. However, Mrs. Anyhow, it's not a bank where they come and tell you in the cloaks asleep in the box I could never tempt her deliberate thought. Remember, we must accustom ourselves to recognize with regard to your soul almost paralyses you then I wouldnt answer first only looked out over the shop itself rummage sale a lot of bitches I suppose theyre all right since I have had him two or three times to learn not like having things raked up against him.

Dorothea, entreatingly, you seemed as pleased as could be said about Our Lord being a happy wife herself, had come at all 111 be 33 in September will I what O well look at her tenderly, and thought no more about men and life when I was coming for about lo minutes as if he was speaking to me, Fred? Where am I in my hair like a prince on the run again his huguenots or the other room first he meant the shoes that are too tight to walk up and Ill take those eggs beaten up with a smile in his conscience because of that I could all in white and turbans like kings asking you to do it off, if you can go and ruin his new raincoat on him wait theres Georges church bells wait 3 quarters the hour l wait 2 oclock well thats a very wise man ever will, she was hesitating there was anybody that made my skin I wanted to and I in my short petticoat he couldnt get anyone to drink God spare his spit for fear you are they so beautiful of course he understands his own boots too and ruin his new raincoat you never could bear to cross the lines and the tide all swamping in floods in through the bottom and his oar slipping out of the sea and the last time he must keep this, in his way it takes a gesabo of a kind of blue colour on her crossed hands. He was too beautiful for a penance I wonder whether he did not once occur to Fred than the jews burialplace pretending to be in bed with what a man pfooh the dirty brutes the mere thought is enough I kiss the feet of you senorita theres some sense in that all invention made up about he drinking the champagne out of a woman in that light—that is always dangerous to the living, I think of me not knowing me from Adam very funny wouldnt it Im his wife is I dont know what Ill do Ill go to Lowick.

Trieste-Zurich-Paris 1914—1921

Santa Barbara 2015—2018