#and it was hilarious id know ALL these details about their lives ok. from their old abandoned blog on wordpress dot com

[snixx]

middle/high school me didn't form parasocial relationships with celebrities they formed serial parasocial relationships with random lesbian 20-something bloggers with a penchant for being 24/7 haters on increasingly obscure platforms (often that they had abandoned years ago) and would stay up till like 4am every night reading their posts from like five years back and collecting the Lore

[zalrb]

OTH 2x15 Rewatch

1. IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII DON’T WANNA BE ANYTHING OTHER THAN WHAT I’VE BEEN TRYNA BE LATELYYYYYYYYYYYYY

2.

3. And it’s not that I don’t understand what Nathan’s mindset is and it’s not that I’m unsympathetic it’s that James’ acting isn’t good so rarely does it seem like he’s going through something, it just seems like general teenage angst and in the back of my head I’m screaming, enough already. Which is my issue with a lot of the acting and/or writing on this show, it lacks nuance and makes a lot of the characters insufferable a lot of the time.

4. “In 1955, students at Tree Hill High School created a time capsule which was to be opened in 50 years. They were simply asked to talk about their lives. Isn’t it interesting how things haven’t changed much?” Yes, except, you know, civil rights. But, details. Amirite?

5. Imagine giving THIS up

for LEYTON.

6. HA.

7. Keith buying Jules a house, men stay buying houses for their love interests in shows.

8. Jules, WHAT is your endgame here? Like how did you see this life going?

9. She didn’t even know your middle name, Lucas.

10. This makes me laugh

You couldn’t just take the picture down, Nathan? BUT IT WOULDN’T BE A STATEMENT.

11. Karen is annoying, but I just don’t like Moira Kelly as an actress, I was happy when they got rid of her on The West Wing.

12. Tim!

13. “Don’t be a dick and drive drunk!” “I’m not even buzzed!” “IT’S STILL AN OPEN CONTAINER!” I think the message here, kids, is that it’s wrong to drive drunk.

14. Jake saying he had to call in a few favours for the breeze and the stars to be perfect for Peyton would be insufferably corny if Bryan and Hilarie didn’t have chemistry and if Bryan’s delivery didn’t hit the right note of banter and casualness, so instead it’s just charming.

15. LMAO you couldn’t even move to the side! EVERYONE WALK AROUND THE TWO TEENAGERS MAKING OUT

16. If this was a basketball town, they would not be arrested. In FNL, Tim goes to a beer store and his fake ID straight up says Sgt. Tim Riggins and the owner is like “Have a nice night, Mr. Riggins” knowing FULL WELL who he is.

17. “Wow, your own mom can’t stand you.” Lol, Nathan.

18. LMAO it took me a minute to get this when I was younger

19. OTH’s favourite word is threatened. “Were you with Chris?” “Why are you threatened by him?” “You’ve been spending time with Taylor.” “Why, are you threatened by her?” “You’re chasing after a father who doesn’t even want you and I’m pathetic?” “Would you just let it go? Why are you so threatened by that?”

20. It bothered me so much that they changed Brooke’s confessional to her showing her boobs.

21. But iiiiiiiiiiiiiiii’m flying so hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh

22. Hilarie’s face is priceless

23. I also like this scene because in the commentary Bryan was talking about how Mark wrote this really poetic, long speech for Jake to say about how they should wait and Bryan was like that’s not really who Jake is, why doesn’t he just say “let’s go slow” and Mark doesn’t change the script for anyone but he changed it this time because Bryan was right.

24. I also like this scene because Bryan was like you have this whole “let’s go slow” thing and we’re going at it like rabbits in the next episode!

25. I’M NOT ONE OF THOSE GIRLS. WHO DO YOU THINK I AM? BROOKE???

26. I like how Jake having a daughter means that he’s “way more experienced”, you only have to have sex once to make a baby, guys.

27. BUT THEY’RE SO CUTE

28.

I might lose cool points for listening to your concerns and making you feel safe and comfortable and not pressuring you at all. This is how you know a man wrote this episode, jesus christ.

29. Where is Hilarie Burton from? I always thought I heard an accent in this scene.

30. Ah, Virginia.

31. They’re super lusty though

32. I just wanted Relationship Brucas and Relationship Jeyton AT THE SAME TIME.

33. So, what happened Jules? You were like, Dan, meet me at church? OK.

34. I mean, it’s not like a service is happening and it’s not like anyone else is here, Jules. It’s a conveniently empty church for you two to have this conversation and for the imagery, calm down.

35. “I just ended up here, back in the closet.” WORDPLAY.

36.

I swear, Lucas is the only one who appreciates how funny Brooke actually is 

37. Maybe Julian does, idk.

38. Nathan, these are all your family members, it’s your dad, your uncle, and your mother.

39. I think what it is, is Nathan should be like Connor when Wes died in HTGAWM, like Connor was an asshole during that period and he said some pretty unforgivable things but Jack’s acting made it so clear that Connor was drowning, he was lost, he was sad, guilty

and i’m just getting

40. This is my favourite Nathan/Lucas moment (and when they play basketball later) though because Lucas actually says something REAL as Peyton would say

41. OTH also does something that works with Brooke/Lucas/Felix. When Brooke runs her campaign, Felix tells her to go negative

while Lucas tells her to be honest,

she goes Lucas’ route and it works for her.

He also helps her with her speech by showing her a book with a speech and telling her to just be who she is

At the beginning of this episode, Lucas gives Brooke a book of quotations that has the same speech in there,

while Felix decides to throw her a party.

Brooke gets to the party and realizes that at this moment she’s outgrown that aspect of her life

and when Felix visits her in her room, she’s reading the book that Lucas got her,

which furthers her individual development while also linking it with Lucas. She even starts quoting obnoxiously like he does

This is much stronger writing than Criminal Minds-esque webcam stalking. But Lucas didn’t say ‘your art matters’ so idk.

42. Legit, the only time I feel like they’re brothers.

43. The ending reveal with Whitey would mean something to me if I liked his character.

[kekisu]

TOP 5 CHARAS AND 5 REASONS WHY YOU LIKE THEM GO GO GO

AHHHH OKAY OKAY. I LITERALLY LIT UP WHEN I SAW THIS IN MY INBOX YOU HAVE NOOOO IDEA THANK YOU SO MUCH ah okay. i hope its ok if i leave it to just one or two of my fav things about them though cause NFHBGDF I DONT WANT THIS TO BE MILES LONG i hope you understand!!!!!

1. LIGHT YAGAMI

now. i dont think anybodys surprised. MFKSKFMFMHNGJN honestly, though i dont care about death note much at all anymore, hes like gum stuck to my shoe and i just cannot get him off no matter what i do. i tell myself that i dont give a fuck about anything in death note until i see him on my dash and i go apeshit. hes completely changed me and how i approach analyzing complex characters. i think hes the first character that ive ever actually cared about in that sense? the sense where i look into every detail about him i mean. its really just so fun...

my absolute favorite thing about him... i really love how funny he is. this isnt to say hes a humorous guy im saying hes funny as in he makes such stupid decisions and its hilarious to see him struggle so hard constantly. the entire ending of death note is fucking insane it sends me into laughing fits every time. theres so many funny moments in death note despite it being considered a psychological horror animanga because of him being a genuine fucking idiot 24/7. hes supposed to be a genius but he truly does lack so much self awareness sometimes.

if you wanna know more of my thoughts in depth, i have an analysis of him here that you can check out :) ID LOVE FEEDBACK ON IT so if you disagree with me or have questions etc feel free to shoot an ask and ill try to answer!!!!!

2. GORO AKECHI

god... hes perfect. he and light are on the same level of favoritism for me, dont let the numbers fool you. hes hands down my absolute favorite in persona 5 and it blows my mind knowing that the majority of the fandom feels the exact opposite or are torn over him ITS ALMOST FRUSTRATING because its mostly due to the amount of misinformation/mischaracterization spread about him!!!! but no he just happens to be the best written character in that piece of shit of a game! MFDKDHNGJJ AND PERSONA FANS CANT COMPREHEND GOOD WRITING

my favorite thing about him.. i love how hes written. and i know this sounds really basic and predictable, but its the truth i just really love his growth as a character, especially in royals third semester when he gets a chance to properly shine and oh my god! did he shine! hes literally so perfect in 3rd sem

theres just something so captivating about an angry teenager who truly thinks of his life as worthless and doesnt bother making bonds with others because of it who suddenly finds himself questioning his choices of self isolation when he finally meets a group of people he can resonate with and feel seen by. a group of people who are willing to reach out and listen to him despite his past mistakes. theres just something so perfect about seeing that same angry teenager want to take his life into his own hands and strive to grow... that same angry teenager who didnt value his own life start to see meaning in things because of bonds...

i love goro so so much he makes me so emotional if it isnt obvious enough NGFHGDGBDFH I THINK ABOUT HIM A LOT. i think about him healing so much.

(btw im working on an analysis for him atm thats similar to lights so! stay tuned for that dropping when its done in like a million years NFHFBGFHDBGHF)

3. AKIRA KURUSU

DAMN 2 PERSONA 5 CHARACTERS IN A ROW

OKAY SO i know Technically akira is supposed to be a blank slate silent protagonist but let me tell you THATS SO FAR FROM WHAT HE ACTUALLY IS. IM NEVER FORGIVING ATLUS FOR TRYING TO SHOVE HIM INTO THE SILENT PROTAG BOX AND NOT LETTING HIM BE HIS OWN CHARACTER! BECAUSE HE HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BE AMAZINGGGGG ugh sorryfor caps im so fuckng mad MKDFKMGMHMGMG

it really does get on my nerves how because of atlus trying to make him a silent protag, the majority of the p5 fandom sees him as that. blank slate. nothing. when in reality he very much has a ton of spunk and id argue that hes his own character entirely if you just look a little deeper past the surface Like... its not even that hard to see personality in him. beneath the mask is literally his theme song, have you Not seen the lyrics to that? HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THE ENTIRE THEME OF THE GAME? this little dude is so traumatized and angry at those who wronged him (aka the justice system! shitty adults!) and people have the nerve to say hes the worst persona protagonist? lmfao

my favorite thing about akira is how he looks like a cat and how cocky and annoying he can be.. he is such a jokester hes the absolute dumbest. i enjoy this silly guy. *holds him under the armpits like a longcat*

4. SHIGEO KAGEYAMA

ahhh mob. he makes me do this -> :)

mp100, of course, changed my fucking life. mp100 is the reason i am the way i am and though all the characters are incredibly relatable and memorable and i cherish them so dearly, i, like most people, cherish mob the absolute most. seriously his strength really is incredible and though hes just a fictional character he is so inspiring and i wish to carry as much gentleness in my heart as he does.

im so so proud of him on his development he started off so.. i wouldnt say he was weak, but i would say that he lacked experience. he lived in his own little bubble not knowing what the world was like and throughout the story he grew to learn so much.. he learned to make such. mature decisions at such a young age. hes so so wise. hes so powerful not only because of his psychic powers but because of his compassion for others. he can befriend even the worst of people...

my favorite thing about him is his determination to become the best version of himself he can be. and also his relationship with ritsu (not me, i mean ritsu kageyama <3) i always gravitate towards siblings in fiction because im an only child and well <3 i dont experience that. so i like projecting onto them GHBFBBHFG they care so much for each other.. sniffle sniffle

5. RYO ASUKA

ok im going to be real even though im into devilman i dont have much of a reason to enjoy him this much. i just think hes hilarious and really cool and his satan form gives me gender envy. i love it when he commits random easily avoidable acts of violence for no reason at all its just because he wants to. and thats just fine. i think he can kill people and get away with it because hes ryo asuka. gay rights

[yue-muffin]

I am finally (finally!!) finishing Yuri on Ice. I started watching it when it first came out, then got impatient of waiting week by week for the next episode, so I figured I would binge watch it when it finished airing. Long story short, got busy and never finished it (I did listen to the soundtrack a bunch though).

So, I figured I would finally finish this show! I’ve been a super casual fan of figure skating since the 2014 Sochi Olympics and I knew a skating anime was going to come eventually, after Hanyu won the gold, so I was really stoked to watch YOI too, haha. Life just happened and I forgot about it.

(Not going to lie, I hate watching sports, except for equestrian events and archery occasionally, but I sat down for a brief moment and that so happened to be when Yuzuru Hanyu was skating his SP. It was the most serendipitous moment of my life haha.)

(But I really do mean “super casual fan”. I never dedicated the time to learn all of the terminology and don’t expect me to name any of the jumps. This will also be a super casual live blog.)

Episodes 1-2

Episode 1

When the animation for this anime is good, it really is good. I feel like skating is a bit tricky. If it’s not done right, it’ll probably look rather choppy since so much of the sport is flowing lines and the amount of athleticism it takes to make good performances look almost effortless.

I really like the opening sequence for this reason. The transition from their child-selves to their adult-selves and the reflection of one person’s career. I feel like I have no comments regarding the opening song. It’s got a catchy beat, the animation is gorgeous, and it’s one of the more memorable anime opening songs I’ve heard. It just fits the theme of the show so well, too.

The Makkachin phone cover is so cute. The amount of detail that went into this show really astounded me. The lanyard clasps and the words on his ID? The website? 

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to really hate chibi-cut-ins and those little interlude infodumps/intros that are common in anime (I think they work best in a manga medium, personally...), but that’s a personal thing.

First time I watched this, my reaction to Russian Yuri was “lol what’s your problem?? edgy little brat”. Still is haha. “I greatly object to sharing a name with a LOSER” is the vibe he gives off. He’s also lucky Yuri is a nice guy and didn’t just punch him for getting so up in his face and screaming at him.

Well, now that was just cruel. He’s having one of those “can it GET any worse” days, to which the universe answers “yes, yes it can”. I’m sure we’ve all had those days where nothing goes right and you just want to curl up and die (aka sleep) until it’s all over.

If there is one thing this show really did well as early as the first 3-4 episodes, it’s depicting Yuri’s mental state. His crushing disappointment in himself, everyone around him trying to cheer him up or talk about what comes next while he’s still just living in the moment, trying to get through the rest of this day.

Ha, my name is pretty common where I grew up, especially at the time I was going to school, and I relate so hard to turning because you hear your name only to realize no one was actually talking to you. Even worse for Yuri because it’s Viktor talking! His idol! Also, I felt it when he froze and walked away after Viktor asked if he wanted a photo with him.

Not going to screenshot everything, not going to screenshot everything...

Yeah, even in my hometown I never knew anyone who skated - ice or roller skating, aside from birthday parties. I personally have two left feet and I’m lucky I managed to stand on the ice without falling, but I never did figure out how to move. My dad had to pull me around (I was 10 or so?). But also, that scene adds some perspective to how Yuri is seen by others, which is important given we live in his head as the watchers of his story. It’s clear that his thoughts of himself don’t necessarily reflect what the public or his friends/family think of him.

A large part of the charm of this series, for me, was that Yuri feels like such a real person - him and his story, his doubts and his hopes (even his weight gain haha), are really relatable even if ice skating is so far removed from myself.

I’m only screenshot-ing dogs now.

Tiny Yuri is so cute though, with his little doggo! 

Haha! And his little blush watching Viktor on tv.

Cuteness overload haha Yuko is so cute?? I love how everyone in his life is supportive in their own way.

Doggos only! Utterly adorable.

Ah, as usual, the live commentary over the skating that I half like because I have no clue what’s going on, but the other half of me just wants to listen and watch in peace lol

No comment on the double performance aside from: ALL THE BUDGET. But honestly if you’re not going to go ham on the performances (especially the best ones) in an anime about ice skating, why even bother lol.

Yuko had triplets. Triplets. I cannot even- (haha I love kids, I work with them for my job occasionally but having THREE of my own to go home would sound like a nightmare).

Doggo! But actually I just really like his apartment. I really like that they gave Viktor a standard poodle Yuri a miniature poodle because I feel like everyone including myself forgets the big floofs exist and in fact are the “standard” size, not the tiny guys.

HERE COMES THAT SCENE. The one that made the internet explode. I kind of still remember the night it aired, lol. I also can’t believe they got the green-light for that, haha.

I also love the social media posts in the ending. Social media in anime is always fun, it’s such a huge part of our lives nowadays. The little glimpses into the lives of the other skaters is not only fun, but makes them feel a little more alive, especially because they won’t be the center of the story.

Episode 2

I promise this one isn’t going to be as long.

This “farewell” gives me live action drama vibes. It’s hilarious.

Under the table! I can’t with the adorableness. Also, now I’m hungry.

I-Is it ok for him to be scratching the tatami like that.

It took me forever to figure out that the random English is likely because they’re supposed to be speaking in English to each other lol. It just makes sense.

At least one of the kids learned their lesson and asked before uploading haha.

Viktor not so subtly trying to find out if he likes or is dating anyone is hilarious. 

And Russian Yuri has a cat! I forgot about that. He does give off alley cat vibes.

Yuri, you literally just had an “ah-ha!” moment, but then couldn’t resist posting a pic of your new buy on social media lol...

I feel like people either like him or hate him (Russian Yuri), but to me he’s just such a teenage boy. They can be assholes sometimes, you know?? And hopefully they grow out of it haha.

I love Yuri’s smirk haha. Yup, don’t engage. He’s an angry 15 year old, you’re a grown ass adult. It’s really hard to forget age differences in anime but what self-respecting adult is actually going to have it out with a teenager being unreasonable?

I also totally forgot they nicknamed Russian Yuri, Yurio in the actual show lol.

OUCH that self-doubt.

The Makkachin tissue box...

Anyways, the first unofficial competition of the show starts next episode! I did see that one when it came out, but I think I stopped after episode 3...

[awisa-moved]

hey i love your posts about sufjan stevens and was wondering what your thoughts on the predatory wasps of the palisades are? idk if youve posted about it before but id love to hear your take on the song

ok ok this makes me so happy u wanna hear my thoughts on predatory wasp cuz i sincerely just. love it so much thank u <3

i think it’s sad because it makes you think of the “what ifs” while being incredibly innocent in its lyrics. he sings about summer, pretending to be asleep, lake swimming  .. it’s very vivid and idk he just has such a way with describing the simplest things with so much feeling and love lmao. the narrator was in love with his friend, they were both in love, and after he kissed him his friend left. maybe he disappeared because of the kiss, maybe he disappeared cuz it’s summer camp and you’re just not gonna stay in touch with everyone u meet cuz thats life. but the narrator doesn’t sound regretful even though it Does hurt which is expressed through the wasp. 

in tone it’s very upbeat, which makes it feel almost deceptively happy at first? not that it can’t be interpreted as happy, but it ends with the same conclusion of “my friend ran away” as kill from a sun came does, but in a retrospective way that feels grateful for the experience. there could have been more between the two boys but their love ended abruptly, just as the song’s final hallelujah in the last verse gets cut off. the repeating of “we were in love […] i can wait” is especially emotional, since it’s so happy and hopeful and affirming! it wasn’t a one sided crush, they were friends and in love, and presumably that fell apart after the kiss. instrumentally it’s brilliant. the song is very calm until after the fourth verse with the “touching his back with my hand i kiss him” line. the music picks up, and it jsut .. sounds amazing? it’s explosive and theatric and so incredibly good for my ears, and really feels like the excitement of having a new love.

the motif of the wasp is very clear and appears three times in the song: while he’s falling asleep in the first verse (which initially i just see as a setup of the story but the imagery of a wasp creeping in your bedroom at night while you want to sleep is a bit anxious right?), on his arm during the kiss, and “terrible sting, terrible storm”. there’s also the line “there on his shoulder my best friend is bit seven times”, again talking about the physical pain. the number seven is of course significant and is supposed to signify divinity and god in christianity; i however have no knowledge of christianity (ironically perhaps, considering how heavy his christian imagery can get) and its motifs so i can’t really comment on that part, but, yknow. bugs and pain. and i think wasps are fuckin scary dude. they’re fast and annoying and all u really know abt them when ur little is they dont die after they sting u like a bee would. they’re a natural part of summers spent outside, so not especially significant yet it’s a reoccurring part of the song. ofc and the title is “the predatory wasp of the palisades” which also makes me think of yknow feeling weird and predatory for having gay feelings especially when ur young. the wasp brings anxiety, the wasp brings pain to the narrator in multiple ways, this wasp is fucking predatory and a pain in the ass!!!

in the end, it’s not the narrator telling the story as it happens but reminiscing about it (”i can tell you – the telling gets old”) with no shame (”trusting things beyond mistake”). which.. i love! so many of his songs with gay themes are tragic or just plain sad (which reminds me of how he wrote with my whole heart on his pride ep as a personal challenge to “write an upbeat and sincere love song without conflict, anxiety, or self-deprecation” which is fucking hilarious and accurate). predatory wasp is sad yes, but in the cheesy type of way where you miss a person or at least what they used to be like and you miss the way you felt and the brand new experiences. it’s sad that it’s over, but what can you do but be happy that you at least felt it, both the good and the bad parts?

when looking at songs i try to just think of them as stories and detach the artist from the narrator of the song, for sufjan’s work especially since a lot of his projects are concept albums and not necessarily autobiographical. but i love love love the live recordings of this and the little story he tells before it, always the same story at it’s core (methodist summer camp, hung out the entire time with this boy, wandered into the woods and saw a giant wasp and ran back to the camp) but with little details changed and dramatized every time. in venus, from the planetarium album, he sings about love and lust and brings up methodist summer camp and in two separate interviews that were years apart talked about “most profound spiritual and sexual experiences” being at a .. methodist summer camp. and he does not repeat stuff in his discography very often, if at all 🙄

anyways, yeah. in conclusion it’s about love and being gay and in love 

[starryfreckles]

✨ten questions✨

thank you for tagging me fae, grey, and sarah 💛this is three sets of questions so buckle in, this is going to be a long ass post lol but their questions are so good !! i couldnt not respond 🥰grab yourself something to drink, its a whole lot about me... 30 questions about me actually lol

from la twin @fvae​ ✨

#1 If you were a fruit, what fruit would you be ?

a mirabelle. its a mix between an apricot and a plum thats from france and maybe other parts of western europe idk 🤷‍♀️

#2 Free space!! Rant about whatever you’d like

thanks queen, what will i talk about today ?? ooh i know ok not so much a rant but im currently listening to harry potter and the goblet of fire audiobook becuase i wanted to read the stories again. this one is probs one of my favs and so much got left out in the film like DOBBY’S FUCKING ROLE IN IT ! also just the beginning when dudley is on his diet and harry has a fucking stash of food in his room and the weasley’s coming to get him. theres so much more to the story and i know they cant fit the 450 page book into a 2 hour movie but those details are so important for me. theyre part of the world building and we all know im a sucker for world building and character dev. like hell yea storytelling !! but just the wizarding world in general is my pride and joy and means the actual world to me 🥺 also after this one imma listen to order of pheonix becuase SOOOOO many details were left out in that movie and wowow best book but like highkey worst film... ((maybe thats the rant part of this lolol ok this was def a rant LMAOOO)) ok but its a really good one and i just wanted to be in that world again 🥺🥺

#3 If I were to visit your country right now, where would you take me ? What places should I visit ?

right, youd be coming to the southern west coast of the US. if covid wasnt a thing we’d go to a bunch of museums but ART, we are artists 🥰we’d also go to all the open air malls which are super cool and just fun to walk around and window shop. theres the beach for like beachy things lol, more touristy things. but theres also the mountains for hiking and being one with nature. there are a few observatories and telescopes within 2 hour roadtrips and those are cool becuase SPACE and just their location on top of super cool mountains for all the views you could ever want. 

#4 If you came with a label, what would it say ?

« not what you’d expect » or « beware of typos »

#5 If your life was a book, that title would you give this chapter of your life ?

oooh so i this chapter of my life closing soon ((RIP ME)) but i think id be called something like « what do i make ? » or « finding my voice »

#6 What is your stereotype in your friend group ?

oh lordy, im like a mom friend ((hi tasfia if youre reading this lol)), the super organised one that plans things lmaooo

#7 What’s your spirit animal ?

Im an owl or a fox lets be realll

#8 What’s the most unexplainable thing that’s ever happened to you? Does it still happen ?

lol not to get deep and sad but the amount of friends i have somehow managed to push away and lose... uhhh yea it does... im not good with relationships 😔sigh 

#9 What’s your favourite word and it’s meaning ?

extraordinary - adj very unusual or remarkable.

if you break the word down to its compoun words : « extra » and « ordinary » to me its almost as if it should mean something that is incredibly plain but its not, its quite the opposite of that. 

#10 What was something that made you smile this past week ?

i had a bunch of convos with my irl friend and coworker ((about wtfock LOLOLOL and just getting her to start watching skam lol)) that were super hilarious and just really nice 🥰

from @stoffans​ 🌸

#1 What would be the most fitting for you: the sun, the moon or the stars?

I think the moon. it has phases of lightness and darkness...

#2 Where have you felt incredibly out of place?

literally any party or group of people greater than three. im an incredible shy person around people i do not know very well and just sit there awkwardly...

#3 What are the moments in life that make you realise life isn’t all that bad?

when im out with my closest friends or when im making my creative work

#4 Which song makes you feel like you’re floating on a cloud?

visions of gideon by sufjan stevens its so soft and relaxing

#5 Sunset or sunrise?

seeing as im not usually awake fro sunrise lol, imma have to say sunset. i used to live near the beach when i still physically went to uni ((rip covid)) and man those colours and seeing the sun dip into the oceans wowow

#6 Do you like it when people do stuff for you without telling you?

i love that kind of stuff, im an acts of service kind of person and just the little things to show that they thought of me just gets me tbh

#7 Did you ever cheat on your tests in school?

uuhh nei, im a good student 😭

#8 Could you take care of a plant or would it die instantly?

i always had plants in my uni room, they did great 💛

#9 Do you think you’re a difficult person?

emotionally yes, i cant describe what im feeling and im terrible with words in difficult conversations... other than that, im the most indecisive person youll ever meet and pretty easy going.

#10 Give me one word to describe yourself

anticipatory or thoughtful. i guess these two kind go together but i like play out different outcomes in different scenarios and anticipate so much... 

from @grey-mist-exist​ 🍂 ((you tagged me on my main but i wanted to put them all together, i hope you dont mine 💛))

#1 Does your current means of transportation (car/bike/etc.) have a name? What is it?

uhhh so i havent been in a car in about a month soooo imma say my rolly desk chair that i use to zip around me room lol. its from IKEA and its called sporren

#2 If you could learn a language over-night, what language would you choose and why?

ahhh id learn norwegian ngl, dutch is close second. OORRR i stick to my roots and learn vietnamese 🤨 hmmm idkkk there are many languages i would love to learn 😭

#3 If you were an article of clothing, what would you want to be?

id be a jumper, to keep people warm and cozy

#4 You get teleported into a childhood fairy tale / folk story- what tale is it?

peter pan 🥰🥰🥰 my main’s user is enough i think lol

#5 You get the choice between time-travel or travelling to a parallel universe (but only being able to travel one time). Which do you choose?

parallel universe. i want to see how another me is getting on in life. what happens if my parents never moved us out of france 🥺

#6 Sun, moon, stars, or other? Why?

the stars are so interesting and mysterious

#7 If you were a path, what type of path would you be (concrete, cobblestone, dirt road, highway, asphalt, etc.)?

red brick. for the aesthetic lol

#8 How do you know when you’re in love?

i get butterflies in my stomach and my heart drops when they walk in

#9 What is your cellphone wallpaper?

bb fae look ((you already knew this was it but 💛💛)) 

✨🌸💛✨🌸💛this lovely piece of art of my bb is by @jensrolt​ go check out all her other art, its always the cutest thing ever ✨🌸💛✨🌸💛

#10 If you could instantly become an expert in something, what would it be?

expert of molecular cuisine pls. i love cooking and food. that kind of science fascinates me

[mab2184]

Valentine’s Day- Joshaya Fanfic Chapter 1

Josh woke up suddenly with the familiar ringing of his alarm reverberating in his subconscious. It took him a couple of seconds however to notice that the song that usually woke him up- "It's a beautiful day," by U2 was NOT what was ringing in his ears. It was an obnoxiously loud and terribly sung birthday song. The tone was off-key and the voice sounded like one of those munchkin videos. Who the hell was singing like that?

He sat up on his bed and spun around towards the direction of the singing to notice none other than his college best friend, Andrew Watkins. Andrew was excitedly jumping up and down in the middle of Josh's dorm room as he bellowed out the birthday song at the top of his lungs and threw a bunch of confetti in the air, thereby littering Josh's impeccably clean dorm room. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST JOSHIEEEE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOUUUU! YAYYYY!"

"HOLY CRAP! ENOUGH DREW!" Josh yelled as he felt his ear drums close to bursting from his friend's terrible voice. "I got it. It's my birthday. Please, if you care about me, just stop!"

"HOW OLD ARE YOU NOW?! HOW OLD ARE YOU NOW?!" Andrew continued singing even more loudly.

"OH MY GOD, DREW! IM GOING TO KILL YOU NOW!" Josh leapt off his bed and charged towards Andrew, ready to pummel him.

"OK! OK! I'M DONE!" Andrew held up his hands in surrender, and backed off from a clearly annoyed (and still sleepy) Josh. "Dude, chill. It's your birthday. Why would you want to start off with the murder of your adorable friend?" Andrew gave him a wide, toothy grin.

Josh just shook his head in disbelief at his friend's antics and took a look at his room which was now all covered in pink confetti. "Holy crap. Dude, you cleaning this up right?" Josh felt he was going to have a heart attack. He wasn't necessarily a neat freak but he had just spent a good part of his Saturday a few days ago cleaning up his room. And now, all of his hard work had been completely destroyed.

"Dude, nah, I can't, I got an exam in like two minutes. I shouldn't have even come here." Andrew responded as he checked the time on his phone and dropped something that looked like a cake box on Josh's desk. "This is from Jas." He said, pointing to the cake. "She said it's your favorite. Although, I didn't know you had a favorite cake? You like never eat cake. You eat veggies like all the time. When did you and Jas talk about this?"

"Dude, so you're seriously not cleaning this up?" Josh glared at Andrew in disbelief.

"Noo-ppe. Love you though man. Happy birthday! Jas and I will see you for lunch? We're treating you. Sounds good?"

Josh didn't respond. He kept staring at Andrew with a sour look on his face, and already thinking of ways to get revenge on his friend for trashing his room on his birthday of all days and just running off.

"O...kay. Silence means consent. Lunch it is! See you later, bud. Bye!" Andrew quickly ran off, sensing from the look on Josh's face that he had sufficiently angered the birthday boy.

Josh ran his hand through his hair and sighed loudly in frustration. "I'm going to kill him." He muttered to himself as he glanced around at his room once more. His attention finally settled on the cake on his desk. With a slight smile on his face, he walked towards it and opened the box, curious to see if Jasmine, Andrew's current girlfriend and Josh's friend as well, had really remembered his favorite cake flavor. He couldn't even remember having that conversation with her. He opened it up to see a scrumptious red velvet cake and his smile grew even wider. He would make sure to say a big thank you to Jasmine, after he killed her boyfriend.

He picked up the cake and was about to put it in his little dorm fridge when he heard his phone ringing. Quickly setting the cake down, he rushed to his bed and fumbled through his bed covers until he found his phone buried underneath. Glancing at the caller ID, he felt his smile grow a thousand times wider and his heart skip a beat as he quickly answered the phone. "Maya?" He whispered her name softly.

"BOING!" Maya responded enthusiastically. Josh grinned from ear to ear at the sound of her voice. He could almost picture the look of pure happiness on her face as she yelled out her favorite nickname for him, and he couldn't help but feel his heart expanding with euphoria.

"Boy, aren't you cheery this morning. To what do I owe this awfully excited and sugary cheery Maya?" He teased lightly.

"To your BIRTHDAY, you old man you!" Maya exclaimed and immediately commenced to sing the birthday song. Josh almost dropped the phone in shock as he listened to her angelic rendition of the song which his best friend had butchered just a few minutes before. He had heard of Maya being a good singer but he had never actually heard her sing by herself. The rare occasions in the past that he had witnessed her singing was during Matthews Christmas family gatherings. But even then, they were all singing traditional carols together as a group so he hadn't noticed anything particularly special about the beautiful blonde's voice...until now. My God, I could listen to this all day, he thought dreamily to himself as he felt himself completely entranced the more Maya sang.

"Happy birthday Josh! Wishing you lots of happiness today!" Maya exclaimed joyfully after she finished singing. Josh was literally tingling with euphoria as Maya's voice still echoed in his ears. He laid down on his bed, pressed the phone gently to his ear, and took a few seconds to consider his next words before he spoke.

"First of, my God, Maya, you have an amazing voice. I mean, I'm speechless right now. I'm pretty sure that was the best birthday song that I've ever heard in my 18 years of life. Please don't tell my parents or Cory that. Especially, Cory. He might be devastated." Maya burst out laughing at this comment, the sound of which filled him with a soothing warmth. That's another sound that I could listen to all day, he thought to himself. "Secondly, thanks for calling. You've definitely made my day after it was almost ruined by my soon to be ex-best-friend."

"Oh no! What did Andrew do?"

"Oh you know- woke me up with a birthday song that wanted me to kill him and then also kill myself and scattered my entire room with pink confetti- which by the way- he's not cleaning up. So yeah, I was pretty pissed before your call."

"Shoot! Why didn't I think of that?" Maya exclaimed amidst laughter.

"Uh no. You would have been on my naughty list if you had done that. You're on my good list now. Don't ruin it kiddo."

"Yes sir! Anywho what are your plans today birthday boy?"

"Hmmm," Josh thought as he took a quick look at the time- 9:30am. He had to go to class in an hour. Maya had called him at the perfect time. And then it hit him. Why was she calling at that time? Didn't she have school? It was a Wednesday morning.

"Hold on. As much as I'm enjoying this convo, don't you have school right now? How are you able to talk on the phone?"

There was a short pause where Josh could almost hear the wheels in her head turning trying to come up with a credible excuse for why she wasn't sitting in a classroom in that moment.

"Um, well I AM in school." She finally spoke. "Just not in a classroom..."

Josh burst out laughing, already anticipating where this was going.

"So you're cutting class- to call me." He responded, shaking his head slightly. It was classic Maya.

"Well, not exactly," Maya responded. "I might have asked your brother if I could go to the bathroom and I kinda haven't returned yet. It's been ten minutes now I think? I should probably get going before Riles organizes a search party to come looking for me." This comment made Josh burst again into laughter as he imagined his niece recruiting a search party which would probably comprise of Lucas, Zay, Farkle and Smackle- their friend group- roaming through the halls of Abigail Adams high school looking for Maya who was probably hiding in a bathroom stall. He laughed so hard he started to feel tears at the corner of his eyes.

"This is hilarious." He responded as he wiped the tears off. "Yeah you should probably get going because my adorable- but slightly overprotective niece- will definitely do that. She kinda takes after her father don't you think?"

"Oh my God, they're practically twins!" Maya quickly agreed as Josh smiled warmly. He absolutely adored his family and was even more grateful that Maya was practically a part of it. One of his favorite conversation topics with her whenever they ran into each other at family gatherings was poking fun at his family's crazy antics.

"Alright, Maya, I'm going to let you go before you get caught. Thanks again for calling."

"Wait, not so fast!" She yelled. "You still haven't told me your plans! It is Valentine's Day after all, and your birthday. I assume you are busy?"

Josh grinned- not exactly sure where she was going with this. Was she trying to ask him out? He decided to entertain her for now by giving her the details of his day as he currently had planned.

"Well no. I'm actually not too busy today. I have class, a lunch with Andrew and Jasmine- though that might probably turn into a funeral so stay tuned-" he heard Maya giggling at this, which made him feel warm inside- "and then more class, and that's about it. I got lots of homework to catch up on though. But in terms of birthday stuff- I'm coming over to Cor's on Saturday for dinner. I assume you will be there?"

"Um yeah duh. I practically live there." Josh laughed.

"Good point."

"So what I'm hearing is that Boing Matthews doesn't have a romantic dinner date planned on this beautiful day of luvvv?"

Josh chuckled- sensing exactly where the conversation was going. "Um no, I do not actually. Shocking, I know. Not sure what it is about NYU girls- I seem to be invisible to them apparently." That last part was a lie. Since starting his Freshman year of college, he had probably been asked out like 3 times which made him quickly realize that girls were a lot bolder in college than they were in high school where the norm was to wait for the guy to make the first move. One girl- Emily- he had actually gone on a date with. She was in his Spanish class, the first semester, a pretty blonde from Canada. They had shared a love of Spanish language and culture. One of Josh's dreams was to study abroad in Spain at some point in his college career. One date with Emily though was enough for him to realize that they would be better off as friends, so he quickly made sure things didn't progress any further.

And then came the weekend he would never forget, just over a month ago, when he accompanied Cory's class as a chaperone to their annual ski trip and ended up finally admitting (and accepting) his growing feelings for his niece's best friend. His affection for Maya had slowly developed over the years with every encounter he had shared with her. He wasn't sure when that affection evolved into something more but it probably started after she barged into NYU last Spring and started spilling her feelings out to Josh, Andrew, Jasmine and Charlotte during their small hangout party.

After that moment, Josh never forgot the intensity of Maya's gaze, the conviction with which she declared her feelings for him and the reasons she felt that way. His heart was racing as he listened in shock to every observation that Maya made about him. He couldn't believe that she had been paying that much attention to him- that she found him so worthy of her attention despite everything that was going on in her life.

When Maya was done speaking, it immediately occurred to him that he had never met a girl like her before- fearless, persistent, and extremely protective of those she cared about. In that moment, he was no longer able to dismiss Maya's feelings as an adolescent crush. They were genuine- he could feel them. Maya was a lot more mature than he had given her credit for and he couldn't help but be speechless as he gazed at her in silent awe. He had promised Maya at the end of that encounter that he would start seeing her differently. And he had kept that promise, especially in the quiet moments when her gaze, her mischievous smile and her words would invade his daydreams. I like you Josh. I'm in it for the long game. For a whole summer last year, she was all he could think about. And even though he was still bothered by her age, he could feel his walls getting weaker until they completely crumbled near the warm fireplace at the ski lodge when she gazed at him with utter adoration and declared yet again with utmost confidence- "I like you, Josh. It's you I like." He couldn't deny the effect she had on him anymore- his rapidly beating heart, the butterflies in his stomach, the elation on his face when he realized that she still liked him, and definitely not the cowboy.

Long story short, they were now playing the long game. Friends, until they could be something more at the appropriate time. And so far, he was satisfied with the way their relationship was progressing in their one month of playing the long game- frequent texts, occasional calls and of course the goofing off and flirtation whenever he would stop by the Matthews to do his laundry. There was a small part of him however that worried that Maya would be so focused on the long game and on someday that she would miss out on her high school experience. Zay raised this concern when he had first visited the Matthews after the ski lodge trip, and it had bothered him ever since.

As far as he knew, Maya was quite innocent when it came to relationships. She had never dated before and Josh was her first serious love interest. As much as Josh hated to think about it, he didn't want Maya shutting herself off from the possibility of other relationships or interests because of him. After all, who knew if he was the right person for her? Anything could happen in the future. He didn't want Maya putting her life on hold for a future that was far from certain. But he also couldn't imagine a future without her in it, and if she did seriously pursue other love interests, then perhaps someday might never be...

Needless to say, he felt conflicted about whether he had been selfish in promising her a someday and a long game which sounded nice in theory but in practice was probably extremely confusing and complicated for a 15 year old girl in high school. Was he ultimately hurting Maya, especially if they continued to grow closer and things didn't work out the way they both desired? It was a question that lurked in the back of his mind and haunted him in the moments when he felt their bond growing stronger- like now, on the phone, laughing and flirting with each other, neither one particularly ready to let the other go although they were both running out of time.

[mihanada]

Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation / Mo Dao Zu Shi Final Trailer

“Final Trailer” because I lost count of how many of these we got lol.

If you read Chinese, you now know something about the year it takes place in (probably)! I can only read ‘Year 25′ haha. I guess the first two have something to do with the era name...

Anyways, we have the burning Burial Mounds again in this shot.

lol Gusu Lan...you really don’t like giving clear screenshots do you? So stingy! Their cloud motif flag was at a bad angle + difficult to see due to the colors in the opening and now you can’t get a good screenshot of the flag with their name on it...

So: Jiang, Jin, (can’t actually freaking read this but it’s Lan), and Nie

all four clans are here! Pretty sure we actually got this a while back, but I’m not sure if I screencapped it.

Alright, we’ve seen these shots before...

Some text I can’t read...something about 13 years later...

Ah! An extension of the summoning scene!

Mo Xuanyu is appropriately...crazed? here. His eyes are bloodshot and wide open, brow furrowed, his voice has that desperate strain in it, plus the grimace or tension in his mouth. The red energy from the summoning and the darkness gives him that sinister feel.

Can’t forget how he still has his makeup on! Instead of looking silly, because of the lighting, it looks sinister...he looks like an evil ghost himself.

Don’t think we saw this before. It’s a shot of the summoning circle, then a silhouette of Mo Xuanyu weaving before falling down.

Mo Village. The voice over is saying something about the Mo family. I think it’s one of the Lan disciples talking (sorry, can’t tell your voices apart yet...)

It’s the spirit attraction flag that Mo Ziyuan stole! It’s...actually kinda cute. I always imagined them a bit larger. Nice design though.

Is this our dear friend??

This is Madam Mo in some blue flames or something.

Ah, so this part is actually

Lan Sizhui taking off his outer garment to use against the hand. (you can tell it’s Sizhui and not Jingyi by the long strands of hair at his sideburns; Jingyi doesn’t have them.

Then we get the signal flare calling for help!

Why you gotta show sad baby Jin Ling. why.

You know, if you take this totally out of context-

I’m gonna stop there before I die of laughter or Jiang Cheng curses me or something. xD

There’s ultra pissed Jiang Cheng stroking his ring/Zidian.

You can see the design a bit better in this shot. The pattern is kinda cute, it looks like the whip that comes out from the ring.

I want to know if they ever needed to draw this guy smiling or does he just have three modes: resting bitch face, angry, angry 2.0.

I’ve always liked the Yunmeng Jiang’s purple uniforms though...

sorry for the Jiang Cheng spam

how do you play this standing up and holding one end I want to know

finally got a good shot of the Lan sect’s clouds motif except it’s on the clothes.

Lan Wangji’s pretty face!

I like this shot of his forehead band and the sparks drifting in the background.

I’m pretty sure the only way you can show emotion on his face 70% of the time is with his eyes narrowing and even then you don’t really know what he’s thinking unless you’re Lan Xichen.

Wen Ning flying to the rescue! Ok but that is a slightly terrifying sight if you were a random cultivator on that damn mountain just trying to do your job haha.

Look at those demonic eyes! And holy shit your nails, Wen Ning. Come to think of it...he’s dead. Do his nails and hair still grow despite that?

More Wen Ning because why not. The animation of him wildly attacking is pretty nice, you definitely get that unhinged feeling from it.

Speaking good animation, I laugh every time I see our dear friend’s arm flopping around. I always wondered how the heck this thing moved.

Nice fight sequence, nice fight sequence. Fluid, I can actually see all of their movements when I pause the video. Needs a gif.

Yess fight on the roof! Wei Wuxian, what were you doing, going on a liquor run in the rain.

Ah, Lan Wangji is the real mvp here. He continues holding the umbrella! lol 

Uh, considering the Lan people’s arm strength this is probably more treacherous than it seems?? xD

I love how Wei Wuxian just dodges around though, his movements are always so fluid, carefree, go with the flow - just like his personality.

Oh! The waterborne abyss scene! Very nice, very nice.

Yess, we get to see more of the awkward “flying on my sword” scenes. I still think it’s sort of hilarious but ok. um. at least it’s cooler than a broom right??

lol Wei Wuxian do you just want to be different and not wear the Yunmeng Jiang uniform or something. (I think it can be implied that he does wear it in the novel, it’s just the animation decided to go with a variation of his black clothes. notably, he at least seems to have different styles at different times in his life so they aren’t all the same outfit like is so popular in certain shows)

donghua: we must color code our characters for the viewers’ convenience

after this we get to see these two being blown around by the force in the air but I won’t subject you to seeing Jiang Cheng’s ass so we’ll move on

wait IT REALLY IS LIKE SURFING

Jiang Cheng why do we almost see more of you than Lan Wangji in this trailer huh.

But also: young Jiang Cheng! Aw, baby face. Still scowling though.

So Wei Wuxian’s eyes were...purplish grey.

that’s su she the ass. look, you wouldn’t have lived to form your own sect if this guy hadn’t rescued your sorry ass because you decided to mindlessly copy Lan Wangji and lost your sword.

Also, this waterborne abyss is sort of even scarier in the donghua just because it actively SENDS TENDRILS TO TRY AND CATCH YOU.

Ok.

So, now that we have two images at approx. the same angles of Mo Xuanyu and Wei Wuxian (young), let’s compare:

Mo!Wuxian.

young Wei Wuxian. Ignore the derpy face.

I actually am sort of impressed at how they made very subtle changes to his looks. While you can totally ID Mo Xuanyu as Wei Wuxian (they’re like twins lol) they don’t actually look the same. Mo!Wuxian does look older (he’s certainly older than 15 even if we don’t know the exact age). the young, original WWX has more of a baby face.

and, like I’ve pointed out before, he has that ahoge and his fringe curls more than Mo Xuanyu’s.

they’re still practically twins lol.

Don’t know if they’re actually going to bother mentioning Su She’s name, but here he is. lol he’s like a freaking rag doll.

also, nice shot of Wei Wuxian’s outfit from this time period?

In this earlier one you can see his sword’s scabbard and the Jiang clan’s bell (it’s attached to the belt/sash and not the sword, but on the same side as it)

I LOVE THE DETAILS OK

also the music is very nice

Who are you fighting, Lan Wangji?

Falling into a pool of water I see. That green is kind of creepy.

This is just a very pretty shot. nice perspective too

Alright there is something moving in that water! I can’t screenshot it though, it’s too dark.

WELL, that’s a wrap. That was actually a really long post omg even though a lot of this content was stuff we saw before.

Anyways, I’m really looking forward to the donghua now! ahh it’s gonna be so cool.

but I will probably have to break the live blog into 2 parts per episode or else tumblr will probably flip out on me.

[donnerpartyofone]

my pal x

for somewhere around a year now (i have trouble with chronology but that’s probably fair), i’ve had this buddy, who recently disappeared. my acquaintance with him began when i started to visit this convenient bar between the end of my work day, and the beginning of the thursday night radio show i co-host with one of my oldest friends. if i don’t get some time all by myself between these two social events, then i’m libel to lose my mind, so i appreciated the presence of this watering hole in the crumbling industrial campus where the radio station is located. i was worried, at first, when one of the bartenders started to make friends with me, just out of regular exposure, since socializing was the opposite of my reason for being there. once i got to know him, though, i was pretty glad for the company.

X was a terrific bartender who, even though he seemed to have been sober for years, could confidently walk me through the bar’s extensive beer program. besides that, he was a smart, funny guy with a lot of deep cultural cuts to share. i discovered that he had a lot in common with many of my most esteemed friends–he knew both high- and low-brow film, had an extensive awareness of rare independent and experimental music, and brandished an intimate knowledge of the scummier side of many major american cities as they existed in the 70s and 80s. we traded legitimate oddities, like recordings of punk and hardcore classics made by groups of little kids under different weird, hilarious circumstances. i still keep plenty of crusty, beer-drenched handwritten notes from him listing obscure bands i needed to check out, even though some are barely legible. i did my best to keep up with him, to give something back; i don’t have a genuinely deep knowledge of much of anything, but i keep a few cool secrets here and there.

as one might guess from some of the above, X was an old junkie. by “old” i really mean something more like “experienced” or “careworn” or something. he was in his 40s, which is not far off from my age, but he’d been through a lot more than i can imagine. we became closer when he asked me if i would read a passage from a book he was trying to write. he didn’t expect that i’d give him extremely detailed copyediting notes, and unwieldy chunks of my personal reactions to his grimy autobiography. although he was initially nervous about exposing the worst parts of his history to his new friend, he seemed pretty thrilled to get so much work and attention out of me, and i was happy to do it. i didn’t really know how to say that i didn’t think this hubert selby jr style of reportage was in style anymore–contemporary readers who are interested in this kind of underground prose are not necessarily interested in straight white male racial commentary and opinions on sex workers and trans people and such. it isn’t that his writing was so aggressively bigoted, but it was heavily colloquial and of its moment and first-person, and i don’t know if many people are interested in that specific perspective anymore. however, his writing was also engagingly florid, grim, funny, and marked by a very interesting ability to shift suddenly between differing timelines and even hallucinations. i was totally pleased to participate. i only worried that it was too stylized, that it was more focused on attention-getting than on, i don’t know, telling the truth. a lot of my direction was aimed at bringing him back to exactly how something felt or looked or smelled at the time–what literally happened–as opposed to how he thought he should sell it to the public. but, the truth, as he told me frankly was, “i’m sick of being broke.” he had a friend who had had a modicum of success selling his own self-published junkie memoir, and was hoping to supplement his rent-paying ability in the same way. personally, i just thought he should keep writing, because he could.

when i met X he was doing basically-ok, but i had a sense that i had encountered him at the midpoint of a downward spiral. shortly before we met, he had broken up with the love of his life. you got that sense from the way he spoke, in spite of whatever conversational restraint, that he knew what he was talking about, that he had really peaked with her. she was a musician in the latest arrangement fronted by a certain famous and influential lady punk, and he still seemed to admire his ex very much. while he was trying to recover from his loss, he was also constantly on the hunt for decent living quarters. he moved from a punk squat in brooklyn to a sublet situation, under some couple. one day i came in to hear that the couple had blown town. X was sitting at home relaxing, when the u.s. marshals burst in to seize the place; the couple had been just taking X’s rent for themselves, for months, and then vanished, leaving my friend basically holding the bag. suddenly he was homeless, penniless, and without a single form of ID. he was couch surfing in new jersey for a few weeks when he managed to bribe his old landlord with his last $50 to be allowed in for just a minute to get his things. he came out with two large garbage bags that he believed contained his belongings, only to discover that the bags ALSO contained a lot of straight up garbage, meaning he had to find a way to do laundry right away. he had also lost all his personal documentation. getting an ID is so incredibly difficult and anxious-making even if you already have all the qualifying papers, i had an impossible time finding an appropriate reaction to what he was telling me. in america, if you are an adult with no ID, you might as well kill yourself. but of course, you don’t say that kind of thing.

X is a survivor, though, clearly, so i had hopes. as i said, he’d been through a lot by the time i met him. one night i was trying to sell him on the astounding experimental prison drama GHOSTS…OF THE CIVIL DEAD, when he asked me if i liked prison movies. Sure, i said, Not categorically, but I like a good one. after a beat, he replied, “man, i HATE JAIL! jail fucking SUCKS! i been to rikers, i been to sing sing, i been to attica…it all SUCKS, MAN!” on the ellipse, he listed a variety of other famous prisons in other states where he’d lived. it would be putting it too strongly to say i was surprised, given his rough and tumble early years, but i was sort of impressed in some way. unfortunately it was only recently, now, that i started watching a lot of documentary material on penal facilities. at the time i ignorantly laughed to myself, “well of course prison sucks, what a hilarious thing to say…” but the reality is that jail, prison, wherever they stick you, sucks a lot more than is obvious from pure theory. besides the basic and well known problems with the very institution, there’s also the smell, the unrelenting noise, the uncompensated labor, the unique pressures of prison society, all sorts of things that a non-con can barely guess at. i wish i still had the opportunity to ask X if he wanted to talk about it some more.

all that said, it was probably too much for me to hope that X would land on his feet. i mean i still hope that, but i feel a little foolish. one night, one of the last times i saw him, i left him an envelope with a hundred bucks in it. he was naturally delighted, but also extremely embarrassed. the next time i saw him, i told him that i was sure he would have said “no” if i asked if he would accept help, and he confirmed that yeah, it was a good thing that i just forced it on him without asking. over the next few months i had my own shit going on–sickness, family death, mandatory travel, whatever–and didn’t get to see him as often as our usual weekly meet up. when i saw him again, something even worse had happened to him that, typically, wasn’t even his fault: he was out of work for a month due to the sudden emergence of a cyst in his leg that got so bad, so quickly, that he had to buy new pants to accommodate it. apparently, it was the result of a car accident he’d suffered in his 20s. at the time, they told him that he could get a plate in his leg, but he would walk with a permanent limp, and he would certainly never run again. as a young, very broke dude, he refused that extra step, and healed just fine on his own. all the while, the potentiality of this cyst was lurking, and suddenly he found himself unable to stand on his own or even wear normal clothes. it was so close to a major artery that they were unable to lance it. luckily, i thought, he reported that it was healing pretty quickly on its own; he had a good relationship with his boss, and he expected to be back to work in a month.

the last time i ever saw him was about a month after he was supposed to have returned to work. he looked sick, flu-ish, and seemed to have a hard time finding something to say. we’d been talking about The Stranger Beside Me, Ann Rule’s classic true crime novel-cum-memoir about knowing Ted Bundy before and during his career as a serial murderer. as an erstwhile criminal, X had a personal interest in other criminals, especially those who were famous for their personalities. for naive, sheltered people like myself, it’s easy to think about guys like jesse james or whoever, people who represent an archetypal struggle between law and chaos, and whose main battle has to do with money, something anyone can relate to. it isn’t as automatic for general people to relate to the charles mansons and varg vikerneses and henry lee lucases and ed geins of the world. what we law-abiding citizens miss is not really connected to the validity of the philosophies of these criminals, or even the right to life of their victims; the potential appeal of such outlaws is in their loneliness, their permanent and foregone misunderstoodness, and their petulant abuse of a society that barely even supports the people who abide by its rules. joe coleman, the “outsider artist” whose portraits of infamous crooks and perverts have made him famous, has equated his subjects with frankenstein’s monster, and while i have no interest in forgiving misogynistic narcissists like ted bundy, it is still possible for me to understand what coleman must mean. some people, by virtue of their very chemistry, are irrevocably exiled from “normal” society, and then what are they supposed to do? what are WE supposed to do? anyway, the last time i saw X, we met at the bar, and i gave him my copy of The Stranger Beside Me the moment i finished the last page.

at the time, i knew that X had been unable to pay his phone bill, so i didn’t attempt to call or text him. now, it seems that he no longer has access to email, either.

the last time we spoke, X sheepishly admitted that a minister he knew was allowing him to borrow the guy’s private quarters–a bed, a stovetop, a shower–on a temporary basis. i still had hopes. i also had a lot of guilt. i imagined that i should be able to save him. the apartment i keep with my fiance is hilariously small; the door to our bedroom, a room that just barely fits our bed and really doesn’t fit our collective clothing, doesn’t close all the way and makes a loud noise when you open it, and the bathroom door barely closes, and our couch might not even accommodate someone of X’s height. we don’t even have much of a floor to speak of. still, i thought about letting him stay in our hallway, or on our roof, and wondered how long it might be before someone called the cops or our landlord used it as an excuse to kick us out. i also wondered how long it would take for the three of us to be at each other’s throats in this tiny space, if i managed to work this out. i still wonder what i should have done, if i already missed a legitimate opportunity to save this guy’s life.

i never know what to do with people who are in dire need. i see a homeless guy on the subway, and i start thinking, WHAT IS KEEPING ME FROM TAKING THIS GUY HOME TO HAVE SOMEWHERE TO STAY? like what, am i gonna lose my dvd player? couldn’t i live with that? what the fuck is my problem? i finally set up a reoccurring donation to nyc’s coalition for the homeless, but even then i’m constantly asking myself what’s stopping me from doing more. and i mean, i know what’s stopping me from doing more; needing insurance for preexisting conditions, maintaining the private domesticity i’ve committed to with my husband-to-be, fear of being raped, fear of losing my apartment, etc. almost nothing really seems like a good reason, to the fullest extent of my angry imagination. i can’t help imagining that my friend is dead, and there might have been something i could have done about it. it might be a little bit of an overreaction at the moment, but it’s not completely irrational. i don’t know what to think.

[wiccanery]

replying to @redcherrieblossoms who replied to this post (sorry folks, this is going to be long. The rest under the cut because yea

Right so "wiccanery" youre not wiccan yet thats your username on here. And yeah witch craft isn't closed yet when people do it for "aesthetic" I consider that appropriating. You had a chance educate people on shit and you chose to make it a quick 15 seconds of fame. I didn't say anything about the practice being a closed one. Its hilarious to me that youve been somewhat a witch for 2 years and you think you know so much as to have an article. There are witches who have been practicing solitary and in covens for ages and either still dont write about it or are discredited for a small thing they say. But its ok. The few people who do know well enough will see that you failed to mention anything about sigils. Do you even know what sigils are? I remember my second year of witchcraft i knew so little about it that i didnt even care to talk about it. Theres a lot to learn and im not saying you shouldnt voice what you do know but the article came off as childish and uninformed. Next time you get an opportunity like that. Take your time and plan what you say. Talk to other witches. Perhaps youre solitary but id suggest you look into covens because they can teach you way more than you think you can learn. Yeah a lot of witches dont cast circles but you should have given that option so that people can decide for themselves if they want to do it. Misinformation about such a minute detail is more important than you think.

Ok, I’m going to address this by parts.

“Right so "wiccanery" youre not wiccan yet thats your username on here.” Yes. I started as a Wiccan, chose that name, and now I’m not Wiccan but I don’t feel like changing my username as I have many things linked across my whole blog and it’s a pain in the ass to change it again. Plus, I like how it sounds, and I like to make it think as “wicce” which is ancient english for witch if I remember correctly.

“And yeah witch craft isn't closed yet when people do it for "aesthetic" I consider that appropriating.” That’s your problem, because considering the meaning and the rest of examples of appropriation, most of the community I think wouldn’t agree. But you’re free to believe whatever you want, so be it. I don’t like it being used as a trend or as “aesthetic”, but apart from informing, there’s not much we can do (that’s what I was intending with the article). 

“You had a chance educate people on shit and you chose to make it a quick 15 seconds of fame.” Ok, I don’t consider it a 15 minutes of fame thing. People had already approached me. I only do what feels right and try to shed a light on stuff, which is what I did. It’s not like I live off from this blog either or some shit like that. Also, what the fuck am I supposed to do if someone approaches me asking about stuff?! “No, I haven’t been a witch for X years yet so I can’t answer or do interviews”. Fuck that. I wanted to help, and it was a simple subject.

“I didn't say anything about the practice being a closed one.” You said i make it seem as cultural appropriation, and cultural appropriation is something suffered by closed practices (which neo wicca and witchcraft aren’t).

“Its hilarious to me that youve been somewhat a witch for 2 years and you think you know so much as to have an article.“ You don’t know a thing about me. Why are you so bitchy about it? I’ve been actively practicing for more than 2, but learning for 5 or so, but I consider myself (and a lot of people I know do too) as a fast learner so I don’t have much trouble absorbing lots of information. I have an article (two actually, because someone else had also interviewed me a while ago) because I made a post about emoji spells trying to shed a light on what it was and how it works as at that time I had seen many floating around (this post here). People evidently got a hang of it and they come up to me thinking I am super knowledgable on the subject. It’s very simple so there isn’t much knowledge to acquire, it’s not like energy work which is very extensive (and I’m not so well versed in it), so I was more than willing to help.

“There are witches who have been practicing solitary and in covens for ages and either still dont write about it or are discredited for a small thing they say.“ Okay, I don’t do what I do based on what others of my similar position do. I do whatever I feel, and if I feel I can help, I do it. And if they get discredited, I’m so sorry for that, no one should have that happen to them, as everyone perceives their practice as their own and people shouldn’t boss around others’ practices telling them it’s “wrong” if it works for them. If they make valid points, they should be welcomed for their contribution. If they have a wrong idea (i.e. thinking wicca and witchcraft are the same for example, of course they should be educated on the subject).

“But its ok. The few people who do know well enough will see that you failed to mention anything about sigils. Do you even know what sigils are?“ I’m sure you haven’t seen the original post I made that sparked a lot of the emoji spells and being approached for that. I linked it before. You’ll see that I mention that emoji spells work very much like sigils, and if you were bothered to look a bit through my blog, you would have seen that I recommend sigils to most people who come in asking for help, as it’s very easy and simple magic and anyone with pen and paper can do them. I love sigils and I love making them. This validates my previous point that you don’t know nothing about me (apart from skimming through my blog and probably reading my about me page). The reason why I didn’t mention it in this article is because I forgot... People forget things all the time, and I was in a rush when the interviewer approached me so I just concentrated on the emoji subject and my mind left out pretty much the rest.

“I remember my second year of witchcraft i knew so little about it that i didnt even care to talk about it.“ Well, that’s you and your path. I’m in my whatever (second, apparently, it feels like more) year of witchcraft and I feel I have learned so much, but that there’s still so much to learn. I’m willing to help out anyone who approaches me and asks about a subject I know about (if I just know a little, I tell them that little I know about and direct them to other sources); and if I don’t know about, I try to find information and/or direct them to other places so at least I can be of some help. If you didn’t feel like talking about it, then that’s on you, why do I have to be like you?

“Theres a lot to learn and im not saying you shouldnt voice what you do know but the article came off as childish and uninformed.“ I didn’t write it and I didn’t edit it either; I’m pretty sure they made it to be a friendly approach, which may sound childish to some. I just answered the questions that they asked to the best of my knowledge, and considering there isn’t much depth to emoji spells, there isn’t much to say.

“Next time you get an opportunity like that. Take your time and plan what you say.“ I mean, I did think it out, I took my time to answer it, but there isn’t much to add to that subject, as I said. And I wasn’t part of how the final result was. I was just interviewed.

“Talk to other witches. Perhaps youre solitary but id suggest you look into covens because they can teach you way more than you think you can learn.“ Again, you don’t know a thing about me. I’m not in any coven irl because there’s none in my area, but I talk to many witches online all the time in the various witchy servers I’m in, and I try to help out anyone over there. Sure, I always learn new stuff, be it from reading things that are posted or checking on people’s questions and tagging along, which is amazing and why I love being in those servers.

“Yeah a lot of witches dont cast circles but you should have given that option so that people can decide for themselves if they want to do it. Misinformation about such a minute detail is more important than you think.“ If you read the post I made, you would have seen that I added the idea that you can opt for not using the circle, which apparently I had left out before (my bad), but now it’s there, and in the interview, they asked me if the circle was mandatory, to which I replied that no, it wasn’t, and you can opt for using it or not. I posted the article and added a note at the bottom if you care to read it (read it here). Personally, I disapprove of the decision of not including that in the article (the fact that you can choose not to use the circle, that is), but I’m not in the editing team, so I can’t do anything (and I have absolutely no idea how to reply on snapchat stories, I don’t even think it’s possible).

At this moment I just feel you’re bitching just because, which I honestly don’t get. If you have a grudge with me or anything, send me a PM letting me know why, or do whatever you want. Have a nice day!

[thechrispavon]

Xbox E3 2017 Briefing - Reaction

Xbox One X. Basically PS4 Pro's competitor. 

Just forewarning: I play on PlayStation mainly for nostalgia’s sake. I grew up with the PS1 and PS2. I’m getting used to their online services, mainly because I’m a single-player kind of gamer. That and my PS3 got yellow-lighted. My brother (who was gaming more than me at the time) switched to the X360 when it first released. Now, I have a regular PS4 while my brother has an Xbox One. 

I don't have a PS4 Pro or a 4K TV. I'm rocking the original PS4. My brother has the original Xbox One. Sooo... They'll have to lower the prices on 4K TVs with HDR for me to commit. 

I hear the One X has backwards compatibility. My brother has a lot of Xbox 360 games. 

Forza 7. My brother is a gearhead so he'll love this game. Me? Not so much. 

Oh let's show a new Porsche none of these gamers have the money to actually buy. 

4K @ 60FPS seems to be the keyword that makes these gamers cream themselves. Just saying. 

Do these professional drivers actually play Forza? 

Next title! Oh my, an FPS. Is this a sequel to a newer IP? IDK. The trailer music screams Inception. Oh, those animal monsters look nice. I can tell the visits are going to get annoying. Idk. Nice attention to detail though. Post-apocalyptic? What kind of game is this? That bigger monster reveal was underwhelming. Metro Exodus. Meh. Haven't played the first one. 

4K WORLD PREMIERE OMG Whatever. Uh? 4K Age of Empires? Oh. Another Assassin's Creed game. Whatever. AC: Origins. Apparently it's in Egypt. EPIC GAMING ADVENTURE ™. 

Xbox One X sounds like a redundant name. Like Wii U. 

QUALITY BIRD GRAPHICS ™ Not impressed. 

All of this showcasing reminds me that I need to get a new TV for my PS4 gaming. I have a pretty thick plasma TV. It contains mercury. Not good. So all this resolution talk means nothing if it doesn't fit on my TV with faded colors. I don't want anything fancy. Just 1080p with HDR probably. Nothing too big. 

Anyway, AC: Origins doesn't impress me. 

Hooray, more shooters. Ugh. Player Unknown's Battlegrounds. 

Another exclusive. Shooting and Mining? Bad voice acting. Deep Rock Galactic. 

Ok seriously fuck the guy saying Yehh at everything. 

Exclusive. Post-apocalyptic. Army? Zombies? Really? Yawn. At least be a bit creative. The animation kinda sucks. Not even fluid  So it's a tower defense thing? Cars. Boomer. Yeah, this is utter shit. This fucking trailer is so long. Pretty boring. State of Decay 2. Next. 

Exclusive. Ooh nice design. Uh what the fuck? What? Darwin Project. The Shoutcaster ruined it. 

Minecraft? Again? I thought we were over that. Next. I don't know how you make Minecraft more detailed with bigger resolution.

Japan. Hilarious. Little crazy. Fun. Oh. It's Dragon Ball. Never mind. The layout reminds me of the old DB games. Like Ultimate Battle 22 or something. (Yeah, I’m old.) But you know, updated. Like Guilty Gear or Skullgirls or Marvel vs. Capcom or something. Dragon Ball Fighter Z. Nice. 

Exclusive. Looks beautiful. MMORPG? I'd play this. Not gonna lie. Black Desert. Ok. 

Exclusive. Another post-apocalyptic. That cinematography looks nice. Wait what. Pixel characters. Wow. The Last Night. Yeah, is definitely play that. Very cyberpunk. 

Exclusive. Ok. I like quirky designs like this. Johnson Vendetti. Nice guitar lol. What the fuck is this. Lol. The Artful Escape. (Coming when it's damn ready.) Alright cool. 

Code Vein. Sick. Don't know what it is but it's anime as fuck. Bandai Namco. Oh ok. 

Sea of Thieves. Exclusive. Shared world. Yeah, but I like single player games. I'm not into the pirate scene either. Looks fun though. 

Exclusive. Oohh. Space. Tacoma. 

Exclusive. What. Fox thing. What. FEED ME SEYMOUR. *Exhausted sigh* I don't know anymore. Fart joke from an onion. Fantastic. I'm sure kids will enjoy this. Super Lucky's Tale.

Exclusive. Oh my God is this Cuphead? YES FINALLY. GIMME THIS SHIT. SEPTEMBER 29. FINALLY. I LIVE FOR THIS. 

Exclusive. TERRY CREWS? BEST THING EVER. Is this Crackdown? I liked the other ones so this is good. Crackdown 3. Good. 

ID@Xbox Game Montage Time. Let's see what looks good in about 10 seconds of footage​. Unruly Heroes. Observer. Hello Neighbor, of course. Shift. Eh, not much.  

Next few games. 

Exclusive. Stylistic. Oooh. Wow, these characters have no faces. Light and Darkness themes. This looks really nice. Ashen. 

SQUARE ENIX WORLD PREMIERE. THEY OWN MY ASS ALREADY. WHATCHU GOT, SQUARE? OH SHIT LIFE IS STRANGE 2. FUCK YES FINALLY OMG. GIMME THIS SHIT. WHATS GONNA HAPPEN NOW? BIG APPLAUSE FROM ME. IM IN. IM SOLD. WHAT? BEFORE THE STORM. 3 EPISODES? ONLY 3? FIRST ONE COMES OUT ON AUGUST 31. THAT'S SO SOON. YAAAS SQUARE. GIMME THIS SHIT. 

Middle Earth: Shadow of War. Alright. I don't know what other Middle Earth game I played. I think it was Shadow of Mordor. I loved it. Oh God. So much for being an optimist. Yeah I'd play this. By the way, the acting and facial capture is amazing. Brûz is funny as hell. 

Exclusive. AW SHIT. PIANO GUY. WHAT IS THAT CUTE LEMUR THING? That's a frog... and a giant spider. Nice owl. Ohhh noooooooo. Great music. Ori and the Will-o-the-Wisps. I love it. 

Hey, Sony. Where's your backwards compatibility?! YOU HAVE A GREAT LIBRARY BUT COME ON. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO SUBSCRIBE TO ANOTHER SERVICE FOR BACKWARDS COMPATIBILITY. 

Your last presenter is from EA? Really? New IP. OH. BIOWARE. Anthem. Oh wow. This looks really nice. This looks pretty crazy. So is this basically BioWare's answer to Destiny? But will this have a good story? Lol they think players talk to each other like this. I'd play this. But I'll probably do it single player. 

Right now, I don’t really have an incentive to upgrade to a 4K-ready console like the Xbox One X or the PS4 Pro. Some of the games showcased at Microsoft’s Briefing looks nice. I’d probably borrow my brother’s Xbox to play exclusives like Ori and Cuphead.

[blatherkatt]

Title: The Calm Is Terrifying When The Storm Is All You Know [Homestuck]

Prologue 2: Regarding Dave Strider

Summary: There were two kinds of trolls who went to Earth: rich shitheads with too much money and free time, and desperate assholes who couldn’t survive on Alternia, even with the best efforts of the young Condesce. Karkat hated the planet almost immediately, but with his home planet too dangerous for mutants, he really didn’t have any choice but to hide out on this weird little diurnal planet. At least he’d be safe. Or so he thought, right before blundering his way into an accidental friendship with the son of an anti-troll terrorist. 

Rating: M

Chapter Warnings: Death mention, Heavily implied abuse, mentions of terrorist activity (courtesy of Bro Strider), Dave’s mental gymnastics hard at work; So Many Pesterlogs, Illustrated  

FIRST | NEXT 

4/13/2009

(Excerpt from a front page newspaper article)

ALTERNIAN EMBASSY UNDER ATTACK

The Alternian embassy in Austin, Texas suffered a bomb strike yesterday. Several casualties have been recorded. […] Several suspects were seen on video, but as of yet none have been arrested. The primary suspect is a man named Derek Strider. Strider was honored as a hero for his actions during the wars between Alternia and Earth. Strider is currently 33 years old, 6’5”, blonde, pale-skinned, frequently seen wearing an orange baseball cap and triangular sunglasses. Police ask anyone with any information on his whereabouts to please call…

08/05/2011

(Post made to a comedy blog maintained anonymously by one Dirk L.)

The Big Bi-Annual Serious Post(tm).  

Alright, guys. Sorry to be doing this again, but it’s the anniversary, and I’m fucking desperate. To everyone who’s new enough to this blog to have never witnessed my twice-yearly floundering tribute to futility, buckle the fuck up because we’re in for a wild ride.

Yeah, I know, “you were so cute as a child,” et cetera et cetera. Do me a favor and save the patronizing comments on this particular baby photo and instead turn your attention to the little boy on the left. His name is Dave. When this photo was taken, he was six years old; he’s currently a few months shy of thirteen. Assuming he’s still alive, anyway.

I haven’t seen him in six years. Six years ago today, our father came in the dead of night and kidnapped him.

It’s pretty clear at this point that the police have given up on finding him. I haven’t. I’d have to be a pretty shitty older brother to do that, but unfortunately, there’s not much I can do on my own.

All I’m asking is that if you have any word on him, if you know him, if you’ve seen him, if you ran into him in a fucking supermarket, anything at all, please, please tell me. It’s a long shot, I know, but, shit, maybe this weird fucking blog I run can do some good, right?

Let’s skip the usual fucking around, though. Like I said, it’s been six years. I assure you, none of you are the first one to think of the hilarious joke of leading me on and relentlessly fucking with me. It’s not funny, and I’m not in the mood.

Thanks.

(Chatlog from Pesterchum)

— ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 9:15 PM 08/05/2011 —

EB: hey, you’re the guy who runs that weird blog, right?

TT: I run a number of weird blogs. You’ll have to be more specific.

TT: I don’t post my handle on any of them anymore, though, so I’m a bit confused as to how you got it.

EB: got it from my sister! shes been following you for a little while and said you added her recently

EB: she’s gutsygumshoe!

EB: id message you through the actual blog but i mean i dont have a tumblr haha

TT: Ah, okay.

TT: GG’s pretty cool. Knowing she gave you my handle is at least reassuring in the sense that I don’t have to worry so much about who’s getting my contact info.

TT: Why so keen to talk to me, though? It doesn’t sound like you’ve much interest in the contents of the actual blog.

EB: nah its not a sense of humor i feel like i really get

EB: but thats not the point here its actually really important!

EB: see my sis was talking about that post you made today at dinner

EB: she felt really bad for you i guess but she showed it to me and i think i might know dave!

TT: Ah. We’re doing this, okay.

EB: ???

TT: I hope you’ll excuse me not leaping for joy.

TT: There’s been a lot of false alarms over the years. It’s hard to hope.

EB: i mean that might be for the best

EB: im really not sure myself but a lot of weird stuff matches up

EB: the kid in the picture does look a lot like the dave i know and the number of siblings matches up!

TT: Never said that the little girl was my sister.

EB: oh, isn’t she?

EB: that puts a bit of a damper on things if not, because the sister was something he was a lot more sure of.

TT: Um. What?

EB: i should start from the beginning here shouldnt i haha

EB: sorry im a little nervous! and dave isnt online right now because of course he isnt so i cant double check this stuff with him yet ugh

EB: hes like one of my best friends even though weve only met online

EB: the age matches up too! hes twelve right now and turns 13 in a few months

TT: Hm. A bit coincidental, sure, but Dave isn’t exactly a rare name.

EB: he looks a lot like your dave too though!

EB: here look at this

— ectoBiologist sent a file: socool.jpg —

TT: That is the shittiest photo I’ve ever seen.

EB: ugh yeah sorry

EB: he takes them bad on purpose, hes got a really weird sense of humor

EB: thats honestly the best one i have of him right now :(

TT: I can sort of see what you mean by there being a bit of a resemblance, though.

TT: If I squint and tilt my head really hard, I mean.

EB: yeah ok but i mean im still not at the really important part!

EB: see ive known for a while that he lives with his bro

EB: but like a couple weeks ago he told me something really weird!

TT: We’re pretty sure Dave was kidnapped by our father.

TT: I think I’d know if I was living with him.

EB: thats the thing though! his bro isnt actually his brother

EB: hes daves dad

EB: dave isnt sure why the guy makes him call him bro

EB: he told me though that he feels like he does actually have an older brother

EB: cant remember the older brothers name very well, he thinks it starts with a d?

EB: and he remembers having a sister too, and he was like.

EB: absolutely positive her name was rose

EB: wasn’t sure on her age though, he thought she must’ve been pretty close to his age

EB: but i mean if that girl in that photo isn’t your sister then that kinda throws all this right down the drain

TT: She is.

EB: what?

TT: She is my sister. I was…sorry, it was a reflex. I’m so used to people fucking with me over this, I said that to try and throw you off, but

TT: Fuck, my hands are shaking. I hope you’re serious here.

EB: is all that stuff right then??

TT: Her name’s Rose, and she is our sister, and my name does start with a D.

TT: Is there anything else about him that you can tell me that might help identify him?

EB: um

EB: oh! his birthday’s december 3rd!

TT: I

TT: Jesus Christ

EB: :D

EB: ah fuck there he is hold on

EB: asshole finally got online

EB: im gonna show him that post

TT: I

TT: Yeah, you should

TT: Do that.

TT: I’m

TT: Fuck.

EB: oh my god he is rambling up a storm

EB: ive never seen him this excited gosh

EB: do you wanna talk to him? i can give you his handle

TT: Jesus fucking Christ of course I want to talk to him.

TT: Please.

TT: Fuck.

EB: turntechgodhead!

EB: i gave him yours too

EB: you still there dude?

EB: oh i guess you’re probably talking to him now huh haha

— timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 9:23 PM 08/05/2011 —

TT: Dave?

TG: holy shit

TG: holy shit holy shit i thought i fucking dreamed it all holy shit

TG: im trying to sort all this shit but its all so fucking vague

TG: rose is real though right

TT: She is. You and she are twins.

TG: holy fuck

TG: holy shit im a twin holy fuck

TG: and you too holy shit

TG: i cant fucking remember your name though i dont know whats going on with that

TG: like my brain just decided to pick random details to remember about you all

TG: roses name? sure

TG: the fact that were fucking twins? nope

TG: older brother exists? yeah sure that can stay

TG: his name? hell no

TG: was it dick please tell me its not dick i will throw myself out the fucking window

TT: Dirk, actually.

TG: FUCK

TG: thank fuck im not crazy you guys actually exist jfc

TT: Are you okay?

TG: im the okayest motherfucker this side of the milky way

TG: the fucking siblings i thought i dreamed up actually exists and im talking to one of them

TG: im like if okay took a physical form and that form was the coolest dude who ever fuckin existed

TG: okaying all the fuck over the place

TG: why are you asking thats a weird thing to ask

TT: No, I mean.

TT: Are you…safe, I guess?

TG: uh yeah i guess

TG: this particular motel room doesnt strike me as the cleanest but i mean at least theres no bedbugs this time

TT: You’re in a motel?

TG: yeah weve been moving around a lot lately

TT: I’d imagine so.

TT: According to the news, the old man’s been pretty busy lately.

TG: yyyyyeah

TG: i dont know whats up with that

TG: i mean i know the trolls fuckin invaded us or whatever but i was like a year old when that shit ended

TG: i dunno why he hates them so much

TG: im sure hes got his reasons maybe its all for the best but i kinda want nothing to do with that shit

TT: So you’re not involved in that stuff?

TG: i kinda get the feeling hes building up to dragging me into it but not yet no

TT: Where are you?

TG: didnt get the name of the town but i assume were still in texas

TG: thats where weve been as long as i can remember

TG: excluding the shit i remember from being with you guys

TG: like i guess that might be in texas but the memories dont feel like texas

TG: its a little too you know

TG: not the suns blistering steaming asshole

TG: i mean jesus its fuckin hot here all the time and i swear i have memories of not being miserable from the sun trying to roast us all alive

TT: We’re in upstate New York, actually.

TG: holy shit really

TT: Yeah.

TT: You got really mad once when you found out that there is no literal big apple.

TG: the fuck do you mean once im still pissed

TG: god damn big apple youd expect a place like that to specialize in fuckin aj but no its just a stupid nickname

TG: city of fuckin lies is what it is

TT: Jesus Christ.

TG: sorry except im not

TG: i take my aj fuckin seriously

TT: No, I just

TT: It’s really you, Christ.

TT: This is happening. I’m talking to my baby brother for the first time in six years, and he’s still dorkishly addicted to apple juice.

TG: fuck you aj is the nectar of the gods

TG: shit i gotta go bros back

TT: What? Why?

TG: ill be in touch when i can

TG: bro doesnt want me talking to people online anymore and im not particularly thrilled at the prospect of a strife tonight

TG: see you around

— turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 9:47 PM 08/05/2011 —

TT: Wait, Dave!

TT: Shit.

— timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 10:15 PM 08/05/2011 —

TT: Thank you.

EB: :B

— timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 10:16 PM 08/05/2011 —

08/06/2011

— tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 10:25 AM 08/06/2011 —

TT: Dave, it’s Rose.

— turntechGodhead is offline! —

TT: Thank you, Pesterchum, for confirming the obvious.

TT: I just wanted to make sure you had my contact information as well.

TT: Dirk said he spoke to you yesterday, and I will confess that I am almost afraid to believe him.

TT: It almost hurts to hope, as cliche as that is to say.

TT: But if it’s true, and this really is you, I look forward to at least being able to talk to you again.

— tentacleTherapist [TT] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 10:30 AM 08/06/2011 —

— turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 10:14 PM 08/06/2011 —

TG: rose holy shit

TG: ok first off lets talk about that fucking username

TG: what the fuck rose

TG: what the actual fuck

TT: Well, there goes any doubt as to your identity I might have had.

TG: the fucks that supposed to mean

TT: I suppose it means that I’ve missed you.

TT: This feels so surreal. Six years with you gone, and here we are, talking.

TT: And you’re the same as ever, somehow.

TG: excuse me im not the one going on the internet as some octopus in a shrink suit

TG: tentacletherapist what the actual fuck

TT: What kind of name is turntechGodhead, then?

TG: a fuckin awesome one is what

TT: Truly, it demonstrates both your nobility and your humility.

TG: you bet your ass it does

TG: the humblest fuckin guy to ever shock the fuckin world with his sick beats

TG: ill rap you under the table and be super not braggy about it

TG: sounds like a fuckin paradox but im just fuckin cool enough to pull it off

TG: be makin people drop like flies with my dope rhymes

TG: everyone be trippin over this sick beat

TG: some guy at the clubs monocle just popped out and socked him in the face

TG: like hey loser why arent you that fuckin awesome and modest

TT: I’m sorry, there’s a man in a suit and a monocle at this hypothetical club?

TG: well it wasnt a club to start with

TG: just some fancy dudes all bein posh and shit

TG: but i walked in and its a fuckin party now

TG: i didnt even have to start rappin i just set foot in the place and it all lights the fuck up

TG: glowsticks are popping into existence to get the rave going and half the posh dudes immediately start fuckin grinding

TG: and im like yo i only wanted to grab one of your weird sandwiches and leave but yall gotta be like this

TG: cant a guy just go somewhere without the party starting on me

TT: How dreadful it must be, to be such a majestic being!

TG: its a curse i must bear

TG: heavy is the crown

TT: I’m sorry to change the subject to something very strange, but I have an odd favor to ask.

TG: yeah shoot

TT: Your friend, John, provided one of your “ironic selfies” to Dirk to try and confirm your identity to him.

TT: Would it be possible to get one with the irony turned down a few notches?

TT: And possibly minus the shades?

TG: woah what why

TT: It’s…

TT: Our mother misses you too, Dave. She’s been devastated ever since we lost you.

TG: oh

TT: I think it would do her some good to at least know what you look like, now.

TT: The only existing pictures of you we have are so old.

TG: yeah

TG: yeah i can do that hold up

— turntechGodhead sent a file: boringasfuckselfie.jpg —

TT: Thank you.

TT: Here’s a recent picture of myself and Dirk, by the by.

TT: Fair trade.

— tentacleTherapist sent a file: EquallyBoring.jpg —

TG: well shit

TG: dirks hair somehow got even more bullshit anime

TG: i thought i was definitely fucking imagining that part but nope

TT: It is pretty bullshit.

TT: He goes through a lot of hair gel.

TG: hahahaha

TG: rose

TG: rose hey rose

TT: I’m still here, Dave. What is it?

TG: rose were twins

TT: We are, yes.

TG: im still fucking losing it over that okay

TG: bro never fuckin talks about you guys and he got mad at me for asking too much years back so i stopped

TG: but i swear ive always had this feeling like i definitely wasnt an only child and i remembered you strongest

TG: dont tell dirk that but i did

TG: its like

TG: i was so sure i musta dreamed you guys up but youre real and i have a twin im a fuckin twin rose

TT: While I can’t completely relate, as our mother never made any secret of your existence and Dirk remembered you quite clearly, I can at least connect to the surrealism of this experience.

TT: I’m almost afraid I’m going to wake up and be left bereft.

TG: fuck i wanna keep talking but bros gonna be home any minute

TT: Do you need to sign off for the night?

TG: yeah

TG: dont wanna get in trouble

TG: i am pretty much directly disobeying him right now

TT: Any idea when you’ll  be able to get online next?

TG: no

TG: ill talk to you whenever im on though

TT: Take care.

TG: you too

TG: miss you like hell

— turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 11:25 PM 08/06/2011 —

12/03/2011

— turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 10:45 PM 12/03/2011 —

— TG sent TT a file: happyfuckignbIRTH.gif —

TT: The sentiment is appreciated, but you’re a day early.

TG: what

TG: but

TG: were twins

TG: its my birthday

TT: Yes, well.

TT: You managed to claw your way into the world thirteen minutes before I did.

TT: And as it just so happens, that thirteen minute period straddled the chiming of midnight.

TT: As such, your birthday is technically the day before mine.

TG: wait im the older twin

TG: holy shit i didnt see that coming

TT: I don’t see how it matters very much.

TG: now listen here you whippersnapper

TT: Hush.

TG: as much as id love to lord it up i really cant talk much

TG: im pretty much just droppin that file and running

TT: Well, before you go.

TT: I’ve no such masterpiece prepared, myself, but.

TT: I hope you’ve had a happy birthday.

TG: eh its been alright i guess

TG: enjoy your early present you lucky motherfucker i gotta go

— turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 10:47 PM 12/03/2011 —

12/15/2011

— turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 11:29 PM 12/15/2011 —

TG: dirk

TG: dude are you there it says youre online but im pretty sure its like

TG: after midnight where you are

TT: About half an hour before, actually.

TG: thank fuck

TT: What’s up?

TG: remember how i said back when we first talked that bro wasnt making me tag along with his fuckin

TG: weird bullshit fight the trolls business

TT: Has that changed?

TG: he made me help him yesterday

TG: im still fuckin shaking i dont know what to do

TG: im sure hes got whatever reasons for doing this shit but i cant

TG: he killed some of them dirk

TG: i watched people die yesterday i dont know what to do

TG: i dont wanna fuckin hurt anyone even if they are aliens

TT: We need to get you the fuck out of there.

TT: Is there any way you can get away from him? I can look up bus schedules, or, shit, hit up the blogs and see if anyone can drive you up here.

TG: dude no

TG: im freakin out but i cant fuckin abandon him hes still family

TT: Dave, he kidnapped you. You realize that, right?

TG: what

TT: He has no legal custody over you.

TG: hes my dad though

TT: He’s a man with no legal rights to your care, who is now actively forcing you to participate in acts of incredible violence against an entire group of people.

TT: That’s fucked up, even if they did technically invade us, once.

TG: dude no its

TG: im fine i just needed to talk to someone and rose is offline

TT: She’s asleep.

TT: I’m not budging on this, though.

TT: You need to get the fuck out of there. He’s going to get you killed.

TG: i can protect my fuckin self thanks

TG: i dont wanna kill anyone but that doesnt mean i cant fight fuck you

TT: That’s not what I meant.

— turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT] at 11:57 PM 12/15/2011 —

05/15/2012

— turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 9:13 PM 05/14/2012 —

TG: hey are you awake

GG: :o

GG: i think i should be asking you that mr night owl!

GG: isnt it like three in the morning where you are?

TG: sleep is for the weak

TG: and for weird girls with medical conditions i guess

GG: hehe

GG: what have you even been up to lately? i havent heard from you in like a week and you talk to me super late!

TG: yeah sorry bros had me busy

TG: doing

TG: stuff

TG: you know what lets not talk about that

TG: as you pointed out it is the asscrack of the morning out here

TG: if im gonna be awake anyway im not spending it talking about that bullshit

GG: has he been running you ragged again? thats awful!

TG: alright fuck well i guess we are talking about it

TG: hes not

TG: putting me at the front of things anymore thank fuck

TG: i think he just gave up on trying to make me do some of the really intense shit at least for now

TG: but hes still expecting me to do shit behind the scenes

TG: cut power

TG: sneak in and unlock doors

TG: shit like that

TG: and hes been watching me like a fuckin hawk i havent been able to get online at all until now so thats why ive been absent

GG: :(

GG: well im glad to hear from you even if it is really late!

TG: yeah

TG: ass o clock or not its nice to fuckin

TG: just talk to someone for a while

TG: dunno why bros gotta be such an asshole i mean i know hes paranoid about us getting caught but its not like the police are gonna have any fuckin idea my shitty pesterchum account is related to the stuff hes doing

TG: like fuck off dude let me talk to my friends

GG: yeah!! >:B

TG: so hey on this latest mission i saw a dude in a fursuit and thought of you

TG: theres no conventions going on right now that im aware of or anything he just decided he was gonna walk around in a fucking animal suit

TG: was the most surreal thing i saw today

TG: and i literally see aliens on a pretty regular fucking basis so thats saying a lot

GG: pfft!

GG: dave i told you i have no interest in fursuits

TG: yeah i know youre too hardcore furry to be able to settle for something like that

TG: you weirdo

GG: says the guy who collects dead things

TG: shut up my dead shit collection is certified off the wall amazing

TG: had an expert in awesome things come by and personally give me the certificate

TG: showed up and went holy shit

TG: thats a rad ass collection of dead shit

TG: heres your certificate let me grovel at your feet

TG: let me bow before its magnificence

GG: lol dave

GG: it is pretty awesome but it is weird too!

GG: the two are not mutually exclusive silly

GG: …dave?

GG: it says you’ve been typing for like twenty minutes now :o

—turntechGodhead [TG] is an idle chum! —

GG: dave??

GG: are you okay?

GG: did you fall asleep?

GG: thats really cute if you did but you need to be careful!

GG: your bros gonna be really mad if he catches you talking to me

GG: …….he didnt catch you did he?

GG: dave?????

— turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 10:25 PM 05/14/2012 —

GG: oh no

— turntechGodhead [TG] is offline! —

GG: D:

06/23/2012

—timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] at 3:17 PM 06/23/2012 —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: EB1.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: socool.jpg —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Dirk1.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Dirk2.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Dirk3.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Rose1.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: boringasfuckselfie.jpg —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: EquallyBoring.jpg —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Rose2.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Rose3.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Rose4.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Rose5.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/Rose6.txt —

— timaeusTestified sent a file: TG/GG1.txt —

TT: There’s everything Rose and I have been able to scrounge up between the two of us, plus gardenGnostic’s last conversation with him.

TT: She was the last person to talk to him.

TT: EB and GG are both going to see if they have any other logs saved with him. I can send them to you, or they can send them directly.

TT: They might have more than me or Rose. They’ve both known Dave since he was ten, apparently.

GC: 4LR1GHT

GC: G1V3 M3 4 B1T TO R34D THROUGH TH3S3

GC: 1M GO1NG TO H4V3 TO H4V3 MY COMPUT3R GUY GO 1NTO YOUR 4CCOUNTS TO V3R1FY TH4T TH3S3 4R3 L3G1T

TT: That’s fine.

TT: I mean, I can’t speak for GG or EB, but I don’t have a problem with it.

TT: Are you going to be able to get at the existing police files on him?

TT: This whole business with the old man meant that we couldn’t get the police to take any of this stuff when it was going on. They just said that there was nothing they could do.

TT: Out of their hands, they said.

TT: And apparently the people whose hands it was in didn’t particularly care about Dave’s involvement.

GC: Y34H, MOST OF TH3 TROLLS UP 4T TH3 TOP WH3N 1T COM3S TO 1NT3RSP3C13S CR1M1N4L PROC33D1NGS DONT R34LLY G3T YOUR W31RD HUM4N F4M1LY UN1TS

GC: OR HOW S3R1OUSLY YOU GUYS T4K3 PROT3CT1NG YOUR YOUNG

GC: 1 M34N 1 DONT R34LLY G3T 1T 31TH3R

GC: 1T DO3SNT M4K3 MUCH S3NS3 TO M3

GC: BUT 4T L34ST 1 K33P 1N M1ND TH4T 1T 1S 4CTU4LLY 4 TH1NG

GC: 1 M34N G33Z

GC: SOM3ON3 H3R3 N33DS TO B3 CULTUR4LLY S3NS1T1V3

GC: 4LL JOK1NG 4SID3

GC: DONT YOU WORRY 1 W1LL F1ND 4 W4Y TO G3T 4T THOS3 F1L3S WH3TH3R TH3 H1GH3R UPS W4NT M3 TO OR NOT >:]

TT: Sounds like the legends are true, then.

GC: L3G3NDS?

TT: Word on the street is that you’re something of a bloodhound.

TT: That you don’t give up on a case you’ve taken, no matter how little you have to work with or how bad it gets.

GC: H3H3H3H3H3H3

TT: That’s why I brought this to you.

TT: Everyone else has given up on Dave, it seems.

TT: You’re the best hope we’ve got of finding him, at this point. Thank you for that, by the way.

GC: 1 M34N

GC: DONT G3T M3 WRONG, YOU BROUGHT M3 1NTO TH1S FOR A SP3C1F1C PURPOS3 4ND 1 1NT3ND TO S33 TH4T PURPOS3 THROUGH

GC: BUT MY PR1M4RY GO4L H3R3 IS TO G3T MY B1G BR34K

GC: TH1S 1S 4 R34LLY GOOD 4NGL3 TO H4V3 ON TH3 STR1D3R C4SE

GC: 4ND 1 4M CR4CK1NG 1T OP3N 4ND M4K1NG MY M4RK

TT: Yeah, I know.

TT: I’m not under any sort of illusions here. You’ve got your own ulterior motives for taking this case, especially considering we’re basically paying you on the combined allowances of two literal children.

TT: That doesn’t change the fact that you’re still the first person outside our family to put serious effort into finding Dave in a long time.

TT: Ulterior motives or not,

TT: That’s a really big deal to us.

TT: So, again: Thank you.

GC: >:]

GC: 4LR1GHT TH4TS 3NOUGH B31NG S4PPY

GC: 1 GOT 4 JOB TO DO

GC: 1 W1LL TRY TO K33P YOU POSTED

— gallowsCallibrator [GC] ceased trolling timaeusTestified [TT] —

[charmingsrisingson-blog]

Fallen Angel 2: Hail to the (falling) King

A/N: Here’s chapter two.. What will happen? Find out! 

TWs: Alcohol abuse, pregnancy abuse 

Chap 2: Hail to the (falling) King

Prodigia comploratus

Silens, oro

Regnet exitium.

(Wonders, mourning

Silent, I pray

Regain destruction)

 I walk stricken

Pitch-black vision

Oh One, save me

Caress my weary eyes

 Silence engulfed the ride pretty quickly, and it made my mind wonder, into regions I didn’t want it to go right now. I kept asking myself Why? Why now? And most of all; Was I to blame for what Abel was going through? Rationally, of course, I was far from the cause, but the shock of it was still setting in, so I wasn’t thinking straight.  In fact, within these irrational moments, I even considered driving off a cliff edge with Eva in toe, and making it look like a double suicide, but then, a wave of sanity washed over me and I concluded that, instead of it being a temporary solution, it would lead to even more devastation and ultimately way more problems down the line, for the club and what little was left of my ‘family’. Plus, I had just met Eva and we seemed to bond instantly. No, I’m not just saying that because my dick got excited, I mean it! In those few moments that I was routed to the spot, I found a purpose; to keep fighting, and that, in turn is what I need to do for Abel, and maybe, hopefully, at some stage, for both.

Let’s face it. I was the only person Abel had right now and if I wasn’t willing to fight for him, why should he be the one to potentially die? Sense was starting to battle its way back into my torn up mind. I may have almost won the sensibility battle, but the one that was raging over whether I should see him, or bitch, or neither, was far from over and growing in intensity as the silence continued. I had to break it. Otherwise, I feared I’d do something stupid, regardless of my mental progress.

Let’s take a moment to break the ice.

So my intentions are known.

See I have pity in watching you suffer

I know the feeling of being dammed alone

I have a storybook of my own…

 “You seem pretty used to bikes. darlin’” I commented, hoping it would spark some sort of conversation. I wasn’t prepared for what it would eventually lead to, however. Eva let out a soft laugh from behind me before she moved her position slightly, so her head was resting in the swell of my back, arms wrapped around my middle with care.

“I’ve been too used to them.” She replied, letting out a quiet, happy, sigh after. I couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Been in any gangs?”

“Yeah, some rough shit recently.”

“Oh?”

“I was in the UK. I won’t bore you with details, but it was fucked up. One guy fucked me over and I..” Eva trailed off and I picked up a faint sniff. Gently, I tried to probe deeper.

“You what, darlin’?”

“I had.” She started, and then broke off again, letting go another sniff. I raised an eyebrow automatically, obviously aware that she couldn’t see me doing so. I gulped internally as the dreaded silence crept back towards us. I was both intrigued and concerned at her lack of response. I couldn’t help but wonder had she a frayed connection to the Blackout crew overseas. They were one of our most deep routed enemies. Their leader, Smithy, was notorious for trying to copy me. Yes, I even knew he was up to it, so it just goes to show the length this guy went to. I didn’t find that threatening, like you might think I would. Ho no, I found it hilarious. There’s only one Jackson Teller and he ain’t got a double barrel name or a ridiculous accent. Moreover, in California, there was only one gang who held the crown; Us; Sons of Anarchy. Not some leader that looked like a faggot or our dipshit county rivals, in the form of the Avenged Sevenfold gang. They had nothing on us. They may think they do, but our blood runs deeper then they could ever dream of.

By now, I had just pulled up on the hard shoulder, and was facing Eva, having turned fully around on the saddle. She had her head down and it was obvious she was trying to hide her tears. After a few seconds, I put my fingers under her chin and gently coaxed her head up. She complied, slowly, her deep hazel orbs reaching mine, drenched in tears. Someone had done something to her, and I was gonna find out...

“I-I’m sorry.” She spluttered, starting to attempt to clear her tears, only to end up smudging her eyeliner and eyeshadow into one big black mess on respective sides of her face. A part of me began to hate seeing her upset.  

“Ev, darlin’, please talk to me.” I coaxed, cautiously. Again, I got no response. I sighed slightly and brought my hand up to the bridge of my nose, pressing down on the area and leaving it there for a few seconds.

“Look, if you’re scared to tell me, there’s no need. Whatever you say will be kept between us, ok?” I stressed and assured, as best I could. Accepting and dealing with all these new and deep emotions was testing me, and I felt like I was going to crack my composure, but I held on.

Finally, after a second of my words seeping in, Eva responded with a nod and looked ready to talk.

“I. I have his baby.” She just about managed to get out, her body shaking from the force of her tears.

“Whose baby?” I asked, in an almost whisper, not wanting to upset her more, but needing to know.

“T-The leader of t-the U-UK g-gang. I can’t b-bare to say the name.” She uttered, dropping her head and almost ramming it into my abs. 

“Bellers-Smith?” I enquired, again with caution as I wrapped my arms slowly around her and kissed her head. She gave a feeble nod, pressing against me more, as if I was a life boy. I immediately bit my tongue.

“He knows. He’s trying to intercept me. He’s got the Avenged crew working to keep tabs on me. I’ve seen a couple t-trying to do surveillance type shit. I-I was a paramedic, but I had to give it up because I feared he’d set up a prank call and lure me so he could finish m-me off. J-Jay’s still in the ICU, h-he’s six months old. H-He could still die. I-I managed to get him over here. I took out a loan to do it and... It wasn’t my fault! Shaun forced fed me alcohol when I was expecting a-and he was born almost full term but with s-severe complications. Shaun couldn’t take it. Th-they said the damage was drink re-related, yet I got the b-blame even though I wasn’t the one w-who chorused me do it. Shaun made it look like it was all my fault! Turned my own family a-against me. So I moved back here, my hometown and, tried to start a new life. They didn’t have any job vacancies and I began to stray as the weeks went on and ended up working in the Bat Country Club. I had an on off r-relationship with Synister, in fact, Syn still believes I’m his.” Eva concluded with a small wail.

A rush of sudden, intense emotions broke my mental barrier at that second, the two strongest ones being anger towards that asshole Smithy, and sheer devastation at how he had broken Eva down so much, from so far away.

In hindsight, I knew the club couldn’t take on yet another problem, but I was determined to find a solution and make Eva’s a thing of the past. I leaned my head down to reach Eva and then cupped her face in my hands before gently raising it back up. She closed her eyes for several moments and in that time; it hit me: Abel and Jay. We had another thing in common. This realization made me feel like I had been mentally run over by a bus; it came hard, fast and without any prior warning. I instantly felt like crying myself, but fortunately, overcame it.  

“It’s gonna be alright.”

“How do you know?! You don’t even know a goddamn fucking thing about me!” Eva snapped, letting a few more tears fall. I didn’t respond. I’d learned this trick too many times with my mother and other Crow Eaters: Give ‘em an inch and they’ll take a yard!

After a few silent seconds, I felt it was clear for me to try and lighten the mood a bit.

“I know you need sugar when you pass out.” I chuckled softly.

“Oh god!” Eva half laughed and shook her head.

“I’m s-so sorry.”

“Understandable, doll.”

Eva sent me a slow, and warming smile. I returned it and stroked her hair.

“We’ll sort it out.” I assured, as she began to cuddle into me in a relaxed way, now. She nodded feebly and placed a kiss on my jaw line. I couldn’t help but smile a bit. She returned it, strained her neck upwards and before either of us could react, our lips were mere inches away from each other. I held my breath; not sure if I was really living this moment or not. Fortunately, nothing went black or fuzzy. This was real. Our eyes now locked and instantly, we both went for it. Our lips collided, with an almost underlying intensive need. We let it last for what felt like hours, but in retrospect, were just a few, blissful minutes. Within that time, I had decided that I wanted to protect Eva and guard my own suffering. She didn’t need my shit on top of her own. Only thing she did need, was safety and a solution to a problem that, as I said, I am determined to rectify.

Silence crept in yet again after we eventually broke apart, but this time, it was a different kind. Prior to the kiss, it was cold and relentless, now it was replaced with comfort, understanding and a growing bond between us.

After a while, we turned our attention to the array of stars up above us. We gazed at them and intertwined our hands. I was convinced that this was a sign; a sign of better things to come.

Suddenly, our gazing was interrupted by the sound of my phone. I quickly retrieved it from my back pocket, took one look at the ID tag and immediately slammed it back down.

“Dare I ask?” Eva questioned with a light giggle from behind my shoulder. 

“Nope!” I chuckled softly.

“Okay then?” Eva giggled softly again, half questioning, and kissing my shoulder lightly. I turned my head, grinned, managed to kiss her hand and then turned back.

Within a few moments, I had pulled off again, and we were back on the pitch black, dead, open road.

“Fuck I’ve been so self centered! How about you Jax? What’s your story?” Eva enquired, nestling her head back into the swell of my back as the wind resistance intensified, along with my speed. I couldn’t help but chuckle while I rallied to form a plausible answer.

“Family ties, been a member of the Sons since I was 16. That’s all you need to know, for now.” I explained, trailing off softly at the end.

“Wow. Okay.” Eva replied happily, yet slightly deflated. She had made it way too obvious that she was expecting more of a response from me. A response that she was not going to get, come hell or high water. 

Around about an hour later, I finally pulled into my driveway. The neighborhood I lived on was eerily quiet, as I helped Eva off the bike, and onto my porch. I yawned softly, put the key in the door and then let her go on in ahead of me. Once inside, we quickly took up residence on my futon, cracked open a bottle of beer each, and afterword, fell asleep on top of each other.  What a day!

[hotokeiki]

Week 125: J-pop

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCOmPW-8FW8

Ladies and Gentlemen! The time has come for the coming of the time. And even though that time has been greatly delayed, that time is nigh. Nay, that time is now!

I decided that I HAD to post in January, at least in my time zone. A lot of you then don’t get a post in January, but it’s only off by a day, so it’s basically still January, right? Right?

It’s kind of poetic to post on the last day of the first month to bring in the new year.

Editor’s note: I’m not gonna bullshit it. That wasn’t the plan.

I was hoping to bring in the new year earlier, but I’ve been through some shit, OK!? And don’t worry, I will explain the happenings thus far of 2017 in GRATUITOUS detail. Here we go.

Linda: Oh great, now he’s going to write an epic.

Me: Y’know, this is hard for me to, Linda! I’m just gonna write until it’s ALL out there.

Linda: Please don’t.

Me: You can’t stop me!

Editor’s note: This might take a while, so you can skip to this icon if you want { >> }

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So, I got my wisdom teeth removed on January 5th. I was required to have a guardian (my mom) drive me home, because I wasn’t legally allowed to drive. I was going to be put under, so I wasn’t allowed to eat or drink anything 8 hours before the surgery. I had a weird dream the night before that I was in front of a table with a bunch of food on it, and I was being tempted to eat and drink. I was freaked out about not eating or drinking for 8 hours, so my brain was stressed. Anyway, I was put under, and the surgery went off without a hitch. I had an intravenous anesthetic to put under and a local anesthetic to numb my whole mouth. When I came to, I was kind of groggy, but I couldn’t feel any pain. I was also very aware, and the nurse helped walk me to the car. I had gauze in my mouth that I wasn’t supposed to remove for an hour and thirty minutes, if I remember correctly.

What was surprising was that my mom could make out almost everything I said through the gauze. For the first day, I was only supposed to eat soft foods, so we needed to make a trip to the store. I decided to go the store with my mom instead of just resting at home. I leaned on a cart at while we were at Wal Mart and used it to walk myself around. We got cream of wheat, chocolate pudding, and Häagen-Dazs ice cream (which I’d never had before). When we got home, I brought my computer chair out from my room to the kitchen table, and just sat there mostly. I had to alternate icing each side of my face, and I could hardly feel it. The parts of my face that were numb were from my bottom lip down to the base of the chin, a little bit more of my cheeks, the front parts of my ears, and part of the inside of my left ear. The inside of my mouth was numb, including my tongue, except for my palate. I could eat ice cream and drink cold water without any temperature sensitivity. The weirdest thing is trying to drink something when you can’t feel you’re bottom lip or tongue. You don’t know where the glass is, and it feels like your bottom lip is pushing up the glass, and your mouth is closed. That’s why you want the glass to rest on your bottom teeth. Still spilled a bit XD

As soon as I had out the gauze, I started trying to talk. My older brother said that somebody should record it, because it would be hilarious. (It was. We didn’t record it, though. *sadface*) The anesthetic started wearing off, and I had a HUGE temperature sensitivity. The water had to be tepid, like a cat’s tongue, for me to drink it. I also made sure to take my meds on time. Around 5pm that day, the anesthetic had completely worn off, and I could talk like normal. So, what do I do? Talk in a Discord chat. Yeah. That was a great idea. (Linda: Sarcasm, Me: Czar chasm, Linda: what?, Me: I win.)

There were some rough times where I had a lot of pain, and one almost sleepless night. I couldn’t take the pain meds unless I ate something. That was really rough. I may have had a dry socket, because I had a LOT of pain. But overall, I felt pretty good. The first week of school was a little rough, and I kept taking the meds when I could. Eventually, I went down to a lower strength pain killer, and now I don’t need it. I still get food caught in the removal sites, and need to swish around some water to get it out, but that’s too bad. The other thing is that I kind of have some bone that sticks out further from my gums on the left top side that mine to get filed down. It’s kind of weird. Other than that, I’m healing up nicely. I do heal really fast. I say my body makes up for my stupidity XD

And while I was recovering from the surgery, my immune system was probably recovering, which is why I got sick. Although, my parents were both sick, so that could be the reason. (It also could’ve been because I talked too much.) The back of my throat was inflamed and swallowing was uncomfortable, and that lasted roughly three days. And then I got sick with something else. My mom and I could’ve gotten sick on the day that we spent 5+ hours in Fleet Farm. We were having some work done on the car, which ended up taking a while. The head guy there was sick with the “Minnesota Crud” (it’s just a bunch of congestion really). Anyway, I basically got over that, and then last week, I got what I would qualify as food poisoning. I didn’t vomit, but I had intestinal cramps and indigestion, and occasional dizzy spells. I was pretty good on Monday, but Tuesday was BAD.

Editor’s note: Seriously, you probably want to skip this. You’ve been warned.

========================================

I only had two classes, but I barely made it through the first class (Communication Systems) before having to go the bathroom. And then I was trying to get my reaction paper finished before my Psyc class, so I made my way from the bathroom to the ACC (computer lab. It has a different name now, but I don’t care) to finish typing my paper and print it before class. I didn’t make it that far. I had to stop at the bathroom. I thought I was good, so I went into the ACC, booted up a computer, copied the draft of my paper onto my flash drive, plugged the flash drive into my computer, THEN immediately pulled it out, put all my stuff away, and went back to live forever on the toilet. (why did I leave in the first place?) I was actually kind of worried. I had finished both of my waters (I had started carrying two bottles in my backpack), and emailed my Psyc professor that I was going to for sure be late and maybe not show up at all. I wasn’t sure if I would be able to make it through a 2-hour and 40-minute lecture. Well, I was late, and hadn’t been able to finish my paper, so I finished and went to class late. My instructor was very understanding and emailed me the notes that I missed out on. I’m stilling having some problems, and I might have the flu, but I’m basically healthy (Linda: Except you’re not)

So many people I know are sick. We should quarantine Minnesota, maybe XD

========================================

Classes have gone pretty well. Since I wasn’t feeling well, I got kind of behind on homework. I actually did some homework on the toilet. I turned in the Communications assignment late for a small deduction, but otherwise I’ve turned in all of my assignments on time. My Psyc class is Psychology of Women, and it is quite interesting. We only meet on Tuesdays. Our assignment for this week was to find a magazine targeted toward girls or women, and answer some questions about it relating to media bias towards white slender women, etc. It was also preferable for me to bring it to class. After work, I asked my friend which magazine she recommended, and she said I would hate it but it was exactly what I was looking for: Cosmopolitan. I bought this month’s issue of the Cosmopolitan, and told my friend that I didn’t think I’d hate it as much as she thought I would. She told me to get back to her. From what I’ve read, there are some useful articles and good advice, but the ads and trendy stuff don’t mean anything to me. I do plan to finish reading it. It’s really not that bad, but I’m not going to buy more.

And the last thing, My Japanese 101 lessons. I’m teaching Japanese lessons during the second half of Otaku Club, which only meets Mondays. I have only had one so far, and that was yesterday. The first attempt: canceled because the instructor’s kid was sick. The second attempt: all afterschool activities were canceled due to inclement weather. The third attempt: the instructor was sick, and they were unable to find a sub because all of the faculty were in meetings that were supposed to happen the week before. But this week, I was able to give my first lecture, and it went off without a hitch! Everyone was so attentive and hanging off of everything I said. The lectures are set up with the main lesson only being Romaji, and after questions, I have a Bonus lesson that goes into kana and Kanji, and talks about more in-depth topics. They unanimously decided to have the lesson earlier, and they all stayed and paid attention during the bonus lesson. And there was even some discussion that happened. It was great!! Now, I just have to make more lessons. XD

Here’s a link to the folder on my Google drive that holds all of the Japanese 101 material

(https://drive.google.com/open?id=0BzJ6ikuPRgCLY04xTm5EdVE1WXM)

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>> 

Well, it’s time to bring in the new year. I was trying to figure out what song would really be uplifting and motivating as we continue through 2017. I had a song picked, but then I changed my mind!

Saa, ikimashou!!

PUNCH☆MIND☆HAPPINESS by Happy Clover is the opening to Anne Happy (Unhappy Go Lucky! or Unhappy).

I have not seen Anne Happy, but I’ve seen the opening, and I definitely will watch the show at some point.

 Here’s the plot. It looks fun!

 Tennomifune Academy (天之御船学園 Tennomifune Gakuen) is an elite school where students train in various subjects such as arts and sports. That is, except for the students of Class 1-7, a.k.a. the "Happiness Class", who have been deemed "unfortunate" and must try to overcome their own misfortune and achieve happiness. The series follows Anne "Hanako" Hanakoizumi, who has terrible luck, and her classmates Ruri, Botan, Hibiki, and Ren, who each have their own misfortunes, as they try to find their own happiness.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anne_Happy

 So, as mentioned before, I was planning to post a different song, but then I decided to do this song instead.

 Well, funny story.

 So, Rae brought a bot into the Discord chat that she named Ai-chan. Rae was showing us the different functions that Ai-chan has, one of which is +anime ( ). I used this to look up Charlotte and found out there was an OVA for Charlotte! So, I thanked Ai-chan. She’s kind of fun to talk, but she can be very random, and we argue. (I accidentally married her by saying “I do” XD)

 Anyway, I watched the Charlotte OVA, which brought back so many memories, and was really fun. But it’s also Charlotte and Jun Maeda likes to see what he can do to your emotions. It was great, and I ended up crying a bit. I also had a hollowness, and just didn’t feel happy.

 So, I tried playing some anime openings I know. I watched the opening to GochiUsa, which didn’t do it. Then Soul Eater Not!, because I forgot how boring that song is. And then I decided to do the fourth opening to One Piece, because Bon Voyage! Is really fun, but the opening is a feels-fest. And then I tried the second ending to Soul Eater. None of it was “happy” enough.

 I decided to search for “happy anime openings”, and clicked on a video labeled “Top 50 Kawaii Anime Openings of ALL TIME [HD]”

Here’s the link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tAFwFJ9gJnk&t=321s

 And during the disclaimer before #50, I heard a song that sounded really happy. I saw in the description that it was PUNCH☆MIND☆HAPPINESS by Happy CLOVER (Anne Happy Op).

 So, like I do, I watched the opening, and a huge smile spread across my face, and all of the bitter sweet feelings I had from the Charlotte OVE dissipated. It was such a fun upbeat song, and the opening was colorful and fun! I am absolutely watching this show!

 The song is really cool. It has a jazz feel and instrumentation, and some cool rhythmic parts. There is a part that reminds me of Kouchou Kouchou (Suzumiya Haruhi OST) and a part that reminds me of Calendar Girl (Aikatsu). It’s just a beautifully crafted song. The harmonies are great. The variety of voices is fantastic, and it’s JUST SO HAPPY!

 Here’s the full version:

https://soundcloud.com/ada7me/punchmindhappiness

 Album: PUNCH☆MIND☆HAPPINESS - Single - Track: 01 Lyricist: Aki Hata Composer: Hidekazu Tanaka Arranger: N/A Artist: Happy Clover

 (The only name I recognize below is Hibiku Yamamura, because she voiced Kirara Amanogawa from Go! Princess Pretty Cure)

 Happy Clover:

-------------------

Anna Hanakoizumi (CV: Yumiri Hanamori)

Ruri Hibarigaoka (CV. Haruka Shiraishi)

Botan Kumegawa (CV.  Kiyono Yasuno)

Hibiki Hagyū (CV. Hibiku Yamamura)

Ren Ekoda (CV. Mayu Yoshioka)

-------------------

 And there you have it. I hope this helps make your 2017 better!

 I also wanted to mention that I binge read an amazing Korean web comic called 4 Cut Hero. It’s fantastic. I’d definitely recommend looking that up. (when you don’t have homework that you should do instead *whistles suspiciously*) I may or may not have read the entire series up to date in one day instead of reading short stories for Psyc.

I also participated in Souly’s stream on Friday with Raela and Hamza. It was fun, and Rae read my Week 124 post in her stereotypical ditzy female anime character voice.

Alright guys, that’ll do it for this week.

 It feels so good to be back!!

 I promise that I’ll do a better job of staying on top of my work.. and hopefully, stop being sick.

 Well, we’ve still got 11 months to make 2017 the best year it can be.

 Talk to you later, guys.

 Ja ne!

 “Unhappy wo Bye Bye”

 - Chris  ——————————————————————————- Minna, gokitai kudasai!!

[the-firebird69]

Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young - Almost Cut My Hair (Extended Version)

talkin talking and talking macs tisk tisk.  you don't live in reality.  your life is a lie your movies your astronauts telescopes intel data and witnesses areall on meth or saccharin or drugs and your tbi lets you laze around,due to nothing happening as you say.

and you stick your fag expressions in my face out of absolute arrogance having not eer returned from any other place having gotten here recently.  makes no sense.  none.  bluf or no we need adefinitive answer.  when your all gone we shall have it.

a wall is up tons knew and know.  lots blame you and yours some us.  no mater whose it is we flood. makesno sense...but that tons don't know and you let them die.  send them off hiding the truth holding their dollars telling on them all the time.  noteven used as a threat...norproper burial.  just whores for a hope you have no intel on at all.  and the northwill be ours.  and you will all be dead. 

we have confidence in our system here now. it is smooth.  he ironed out some detailes but we had it.  now have it tight.  and it is good he said to thought we mayexperience influx we did.  and you missed all our shows to sit nd yell like mr handshit on is lazy boy or sofa...losers really. 

it is a joke you took trump a wrker nd ruined him.  as you do all yours ghwb and buried him with stupid stuff. and now you work our son so we hit you your useless.we chopped you in half again and you cannot feel it.  after tonight you will.  your government gone  you will know it.  and feel it.  no to this yes to that mb to this no more your on your own.  and we know we can get him stuff. 

f off means just that in English. youwant to torture us with our own systems and comm so you will eat it now.  fools.  and you will fail in every endeavor and sit grinning like fat idiots.   moronic idits.  no caldera no ice.  no moon.  no wwiii.  just a hostage you cant touch at your prime.  how droll you are.  and how mean.  and dumb.  very dumb.  hilarious he says you act like really really dumb animals.  no pralell yet.

tossed out all you need to control him and think it works.  it wont.  your outrageous w your commentstoo.

we tell ya what you do that again and your gone ok gone  we send ppl after any who do that. and theircrews elsewhere

this is not McDonald or bbk drive through you did not amass a fortune to come over to me demand stuf for your paper you don't use to do anytying.  and wont be used as it is mostly useless now. 

retard shit you learned. demand it all the time look for a hole. is retard shit.  no making one or several an on and on.  just sit back watch tv demand stuf like ordering pizza. like a five yer old oh I have te phone.  ridiculous.  jail is much worse much mre attention

how lame.   turned into retard toddlers who don't recognize the first or last math problem of the day go to bed loving yourselves cuz you can piss me off w a look or talk and think its great, wake up in  a vat.   for real.  get eaten for your trouble.

lame. 

and you need to die for the reasons he outlined out loud.  useless.

no army of yours no forceto do squat to Kaiju no reason to live but him or not him.  and  no goal but to put yourselves down and up.  wierdos. nopower means no power soft or other.  did you think of that....Thor disables devices here all the time.  walks in with Harvester and out.  and I is his season will be here tonight to roust you fag tourists into leaving.  and idiot old shits.

so cheap I hate all of you.  and tommy should have fig it out this tommy. 

we are too cheap w him that is true way way way off.  that is a fact,and it is the fag bja for sure women and etc. but we let it happen and it did.  and he is right it is a working persns job not trump or veepand not sheepish macs who rest ontheir lauruls and count o their shitty lame act.  it is puke all day all night and in this area is death, ankelasouris all around, he is beat tired and all the time eats cks pulse and face look and eyes and fears the worst so teeth and feet and all the stuff we did bt bwe became invincible nd die of old age.  th place is meant for it.

and im telling it ike it is

nobody does well here if they were isolated sure but this cock sucking stuff and fag and queer and all te horny shit and fag shit and big fuck shit is horrible, and you Justin arethe worst shrink shit....shrink to nothing.  and macs moron shit pur more on.  and we see the stuff he talks about and no force on earth can stop it so what is it  not you im not 

Tommy Favino

  you you aint me and cant fool anyon when your body is looling just like mine I had tests run. so what is it

so its a bluff perfect.  ashrink and moron ass fight in the end....me and tommy can ref

Zues

no way but I do get it, you fight and wow. you talkand bja wow, nobody cares to hear It noboy I asked. it is not a show o a pln it is horror your so dumb.  this is my place mresponsibity he says we have to move.  apartment of tommy or other, and im stuck hard, I agree. every turn I go to stuck with your idiot ft faces in mine due to his talk.  and he is a hateful being vs us and it wont stick and we may not get it, but it is for very firm reasons hard math.  so you think on it there we try to move him, you want on it is fine. you last so that's ok but this dgsthit as to stop.  poo all day and night has fooled nobody and you die a lot.  I can tell you he pointed to it new one new onand I see it.  why not then.

Tommy Favino

the way he talkwe cannot let him go. 

jusin

so what you drive him to it

Tommy Favino

we pump him up and oh. ok you know too your not bill.  at all really.  a fag sitting here yelling kicking and shitting on himelf.  nope

Zues

we hear it all day they sound ridiculous and act under diress and are n under that much so cointinue he act and have no ida what it is or where or if it is there. and keep it up.  and die.  the usual denial.  powrerful wordstoo f off you would not know....and such, they are macs, and from a powerful cln still mac daddysher pull diminsed recently as hers died off so he is one of the mac daddys and bja.  and it is crap they dole out nd it is hit you say right no h e is right.  ive had I this isnot realiand I admit I was sick and ican be healed fast.  yoright your a firend

wel tommy I se your point and ide and plan. this calera gone and Tallahassee is up.  but isten to meit is the same shit.  the two big fellas think they canmk a suepre duper weapon.  the other fags who knows.  im on the lam and it very dangerous ake magic work.  same loser shit loser club lori was forced into.

thisis it tons new and I did nto was ill they want me to drink it away. what do we have then war oelse.   nevr worksthe scoot up to greenlan. due to idiots teachings....

ok like bill lund said you look at the problem as we ar and write it down on paper, the source of actual miseray is the folks here who quit as most did from dc 

reason is prb forgienrs they wont fight at all.  and suck at it then blame me for them marrhingthe and being stuck to tem and they ar to blame they don't work.

really is retirement and pluggers and sneaks.  there is no short cheat the underwatr world is for expers only, drilling there a miricl

hmmmm

but the worm could do it if they had fully depled ur.  and leave it there if it is AI so they must  have a fully depl worm.

 brad

we saw it shiny silver.   like coated fully depl ur like the swords and it was in brandon.  theguy was elon

levon mb

we work on it tommy says.  and it is real now Thor says.

[yesterdaysdreams]

Beauty Products I’ve Loved During Pregnancy

Hey guys! A lot of you have been asking about pregnancy beauty tips, and considering I’m getting to the end, I thought now would be a good time to share my experiences.

Pregnancy is one of those hilarious times (actually perhaps the only?) in your life when you have absolutely zero control over your body. You’ve really got no idea what’s going to happen, and I found that when your clothes don’t fit, everything aches and you’re getting significantly less sleep than ever before, a bit of pampering in the beauty department goes a loooonggggg way. In fact, I’ve found myself more interested in beauty products than ever before… who would have thought? But because of the complexity of growing a human inside you, I’ve gravitated towards nourishing, comforting beauty products that smelt fantastic and felt really uplifting – and obviously non toxic too! Read on for what’s got me through.

Beauty Products I’ve Loved During Pregnancy

My Pregnancy Empties

First of all, these beautiful products that I fell in love with only really became part of my daily routine after the first trimester. In all honesty for the first few months I felt like putting nothing on my skin, and even my favourite scents made me gag so I kept things VERY low key in that first trimester. If you have the same issue, I suggest going for some simple non scented products for those first few months! Once I go through that and my nose settled down, I started to crave delicious, natural smelling products that would calm and relax me. Here are my faves!

Pure Jojoba Oil OK so THIS is the one product I couldn’t live without during pregnancy. If I’m honest, I tried pretty much every single skin and stretch mark oil on the market, and found pure, simple jojoba oil to be the best – it sinks in quickly, it’s not smelly or sticky. I can’t categorically say whether it stops stretch marks (I think they come down to genetics at the end of the day) but it did nourish, soften and give my skin a glow. From what I’ve read, it’s not exactly an oil, more a liquid wax that mimics sebum so (apparently!) our skin recognises it as its own and lets it in to nourish, hydrate and heal the skin. Regardless if this is just good marketing or not, I loved it. I went through 5 or 6 bottles of it, using it on my belly, breasts, in my hair, face, and feet and legs when they got swollen. Its helps that it doesn’t have a scent because that made it great to use all the time and on everything. I used Desert Essence but any jojoba would do.

Epsom Salts You read so much about the things you’ll want when you’re first pregnant, and it’s kind of hard to take in just how much your body will change. Everywhere people were saying ‘you will become obsessed with the bath’ and I couldn’t really believe it. Fast forward 5 months and honestly that’s all I want to do. Twice daily baths have become a norm and this amazing epsom salt (called Everyone Epsom Soak) has become a mainstay. It has geranium oil and magnesium which has been so great for my very swollen legs.

Natural deodorant I talk about natural deodorants a lot don’t I? It’s a thing for me I have to admit. But once again, you honestly do start to think more seriously about what you put on your skin once you’re pregnant, so natural deodorant is a great place to start. This A’kin deodorant actually works and smells sooooo good.

Jade Rolling Hi my name is Geneva and I have wayyyyy too much time on my hands. In the past I probably would have scoffed at the thought of using a jade roller, I mean I’m much more of a ‘whack some moisturiser on whilst running out the door’ person. But to be honest, when swelling has caused your shoe size to go from a 38 to a 41, a little bit of time spent applying products to your face with a jade roller is a welcome distraction…. And it just feels SOOOOOO nice!

Face Mist Can I be honest and say that I feel like face mist is a bit of a stitch up? I mean, what does it actually do? Functionally I’m not too sure, but that doesn’t mean when you’re pregnant you don’t want to use it every five minutes. I have become obsessed! Both the John Masters Facemist and the Julique Facemist have become a mainstay in my handbag, sometimes you just need a spritz on your face when it all gets too much.

Lemon & Lime Body Scrub Something else I inexplicably have become obsessed with is this John Masters Fresh Lemon & Lime Body scrub. I think it’s the lemon and lime fragrance that I’m addicted to, as it leaves me feeling refreshed for hours. I notice that in my pre natal yoga class they often has a lemon or lime aromatherapy candle happening, which only solidifies my love of this scent (and makes me think I’m onto something!). I often apply the body scrub in the bath or shower before bed, and find that some of the oils stay on my skin after I wash the scrub off, giving my sleep a delicious scent.

Simple Hair Products When I got pregnant I embraced simple and organic hair products, and have been using John Masters Shampoo and Conditioner, a pure argan oil for defrizzing as well as a weekly Jojoba hair mask (simply massage into the ends of your hair, leave in overnight and then wash out in the morning for really soft hair. Voila!).

SPF Something that I noticed literally straight away once pregnant was how much pigmentation started showing up on my face – I was a little bit scared that I would end up with a pigmentation moustache (which is quite common if you’ve got darker skin or a mixed race complexion). So I got pretty serious about my facial sunscreen, using a zinc face one most of the time. Even so I’ve definitely gained some pigmentation, but obviously I’ll wait til the bubs out before tackling it in detail!

Dry Brushing Yet another task I didn’t make time for before, brushing my skin has been such a nice thing to do while pregnant, particularly my legs and thighs. I can’t promise you that it will cure cellulite (my thighs at 39 weeks are pretty hectic in that department) but it certainly feels nice and the ritual is very relaxing. Ben has been doing it recently on me because I can no longer reach anywhere!

Face Products I went pretty minimal on the face products for my pregnancy, using either this Keihl’s Cleanser and Moisturiser or this Philosophy Cleanser and Moisturiser (I swapped about half way through). Both of these sets of products were nice and simple. That said, I love a bit of a pamper now and again with a John Masters calendula face mask  that I apply with a foundation brush (I’ve been a fan of calendula for years and years), and my sister recommended this pure cacay oil which I used to nourish my skin. I have also started using Trilogy Rosehip oil which is really really nourishing!

Overall, you can probably see that I tried to strip back my beauty routine to simple, non toxic beauty essentials that were really nice to apply and smelt really good. I can honestly say this has helped to make the discomfort of pregnancy a little easier. In truth I probably haven’t given myself much time to unwind and relax, but a few moments here and there have been so nice!

I’d love to know if you have/had any fave beauty products for pregnancy!

The post Beauty Products I’ve Loved During Pregnancy appeared first on A Pair & A Spare.

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